#feeling older and wiser

[softieacademia]

bittersweet musings

its so sad and so painful.. but i find myself missing life from one, two, three years ago.. i was so so innocent and naive back then and i HATED IT... I wanted to be smart and capable of seeing through everything, i didnt want to be blind and take peoples words at face value because i had been hurt by them so much, i really though being able to see through them would make me stronger... and here i am now... the ability to see through evil words and actions is almost completely mine... and so is despair... that this is my world, that these are my people... that this is where i was born and am to live... that the people around me may look different when i move to a different place but in nature they will remain the same... its so bitter... and so sorrowful.. because when you open your eyes to the realities of this world, you can never close them again... the ability to see through things will never go away now, it will be forever mine...

[cow-boy-harry]

Y’all it’s my birthday :)

[stuckinapril]

Can’t believe I ever functioned without going to therapy every week omg. The sheer delusion of thinking I can last in this life without therapy

[fate-defiant]

Duck hits different when you're no longer thirteen and in the throes of navigating friendships for the very first time and defining yourself by your social ineptitude.

[suntails]

made a silly little edit for my twt and thought id share it here VGHFJKD one year older babey!!!!!

[normalbrothers]

in general i think i prefer stories with survivors of [trauma] who are older, but with horror there's as always an exception; there's something touching and - now that i'm very much an adult - sentimental about seeing a child or teenager go through something while rationalizing it in a distinctly Young way, sometimes it shows a kind of mental fortitude (different imaginative ressources i guess, mostly it's repression) that adults maybe lack.

[handgiven]

you are emmanuel. (a little one-shot)

you begin as bright light spanning the length of the universe. you are the warmth of hope settling onto the world as it grows its limbs, seas and mountains, and as its eyes come unstuck and open as the many suns in the sky. you are the blue of the sky, the quiet of the windless cosmos, the unheard sounds within the earth's core as it is formed. the universe is young, and so are you, and still you see it age and you see it die, right before your gaze, over and over again. time is nothing but a corner to peak behind, and it all unfolds and unfurls and clashes into itself until you hurt, but there is no way to experience it because where ever does the sky feel pain? where does a planet? phantom pain of the tragic history that has not happened yet haunts you wherever you shift and all the louder do you feel the ever-present hum of something older, greater than yourself, coming from within you.

you are an angel, a being created of love, for love, a throwaway idea in the forming of the world. they will need someone to look after them. and that is who you are even if you yourself do not know it yet. even if you yourself are still learning the way through existence, even if you still wander and get lost in trying to grasp all that you know, all that you feel, all that you see. they begin as ants and they too become gods, one day you realise as you ponder the earth and for the first time overcome the sound of rubble of its mass, and overhear the first sound of life, and soon more follow. there is laughter, there are songs, there is work. small they are but still so mighty. they flash before your eyes and you can hardly focus before they expire and new ones take their place. your head would spin, but still you are no more than the sky, the lone ray of light, the rustling of leaves in the wind.

you are still that when you hear her crying. a creature still smaller than the ants you've known. a child alone in the woods. at first you cannot even find her, though the sound pierces all the way through to you, the trees do not come apart and make for a barrier stronger than the dreams and nightmares that haunt her at night when she stops stumbling and goes quiet. there is a man there, though he is no longer, her very mind charms up images of him that you can just about touch because they are as real, as physical as you, a ray of moonlight peeking at last through the overgrowth. the man you learn to know by heart, the curls of his hair, the lines around his eyes, the calm of his voice. for the first time you focus and you can see him, all of him, for the first time an ant is given a face.

you are a newborn creature, struggling to get up from the mud that gave you form by the riverside. your legs supported by bones made out of naked white roots the water has come to uncover, struggle to hold your weight for you were weightless, once. you are wet and scary looking, and still when you call and his voice comes out, the child looks up. eyes so wide, you can tell she knows something is not quite right, but when you reach your hand out, and she reaches out hers, you know she trusts you to mean well. you know there is a settlement beyond the woods, you have seen the lights. you walk together, at first silent, later talking, and when she gets tired at night, you carry her yourself and when you do, her hand settles on your chest. the imprint is an anchor. the body is yours.

you are a thing of light, sharp and white, clasped within a clump of cold damp earth. sometimes you can feel it burning through the strata at night, sometimes it spills from your eyes, from your fingertips, between your ribs. sometimes the light wants to return to the sky, yet you know more than anything they need you here, emmanuel. a thing of god among them, or at least his hand, his shoulder, brought to life by the lowly mud from the riverside. the universe still twists around you, and you still can feel it coming to life and dying with every step you take, and there is no cure for it but love. the overwhelming sense of it when you close your eyes, when you touch the earth, when you find that god speaks to you no longer but your mind carries the echo of all of them, everywhere. your ants, your humans.

you are their emmanuel. that is enough.

[geummi]

>< old jjk zine piece

[overheaven]

i’m outside! i got brave enough to go outside and walk around the back yard

[wolfish-trickster]

I just found out that in order to be at peace, calmer and feel better i need to have a complete and utter emotional breakdown. Is this normal?

[curly-cottage-girl]

what do you MEAN I have to face old wounds and fears in order to achieve things in life and grow as a person in those specific areas that’s where I’m sensitive!!

[hookechoes]

i love that in season 5 they completely gave up on trying to cover the dark circles around mgg's eyes

[electricfied-wolf]

Bouncing between watching all three versions of TTTE to unlock a secret way of understanding the characters

[raayllum]

live footage of me rereading "older but just never wiser" in which both callum and rayla try to spare each other from dark magic use, callum helps her work towards freeing her parents, he asserts that he only did it the first time for her and she asserts that she only left to protect him, and he decides to lie to her in order to cushion a harsher truth:

“Even if it was messed up and wrong, I—I really did mean... I just wanted to protect you.”  He lets out a breath and squeezes her hands, standing closer to her than they have beneath Umber Tor by the lava, her forehead nearly brushing his. “Then let me protect you. If one of us has to take the risk, let it be me, this time.” They’ll still have to see if they need Viren’s staff, but that can be a problem for tomorrow. “It doesn’t always have to be you, Rayla, saving everyone else. And I’m—we both know that I’m already dead.” 

[vzajemnik]

ohhhhhh sticky note.........youll never be famous and thats ok❤️

[hidekomoon]

im having a terrible sexuality crisis because a month ago i was ready to accept that i'm a lesbian, but now i have this weird crush on a guy i work with and idk what it means. i'm afraid that this attraction is just Gender StuffTM but also my feelings look exactly like a crush so i'm confused