#feels kinda surreal ngl

[unorcadox]

i love making text-heavy stuff tbh. i think i've realistically "outgrown" weirdcore at least with regard to the more heavily edited stuff, but i still deeply love the idea of making my writing pieces look like they're fucked up pieces of old web lost media, so i think i've found a way to keep going despite that

[imaginespazzi]

Where do you think Aaliyah and Nika end up in the draft? I think everyone seems pretty sure that Aaliyah will go somewhere in the top half of the draft but there doesn't seem to be any consensus on Nika. Do you think she manages to slide into the 1st round? I know her stock really went up this tournament.

Aaliyah's gonna end up somewhere in between 3-6. I personally want her to go either 4 or 6 because I'd much rather she ends up on the Sparks (with Cam at 2) or the Mystics as opposed to the Wings or the Sky. However, I think most mock drafts have her at 5 which means it'll probably be the Wings, who are basically gonna become the WNBA Big East if that happens with Lou, Li and Maddy Siegrist.

I could see Nika potentially sneaking into the first round. I've seen drafts, even before the tournament, that had her potentially going 11 or 12 but especially after her defensive masterclass, a lot of drafts have her 11 (Liberty) or 12 (Dream). But I think it's always important to remember that it's more about where you go rather than what number you go. Like Dorka went 2nd round to the Lynx and was on the all-rookie team because a) the Lynx needed her but also b) the Lynx are one of the better franchise management/coaching teams in the W and knew how to use her.

[vimbry]

saw a really fun show tonight! got home took pee and became an ex-member of the never passed out club

[hellshire-harlot]

Never go to Louisiana. Worst mistake of my life

[loveswrites]

Rainy Road Part 3 Poly! Cullens X reader

Rainy Road Part 3 (Final part) Poly! Cullens X reader

Word Count: 2644

Time it Took me: A long time ngl

To My Love's: Here you guys go! I know you've waited so long for the last part of Rainy road. Some of y'all are gonna be real mad at me but the last part (paragraph) of this is kinda what went on with this part of rainy road. I was trying to make it something it's not. I hope you guys like it! Tell me how you felt! Y'all know I don't do these but TW!!

Love <3

Whatever trash that was on the radio played in the background as you drove away from Seth’s house. You’d like to say that you had a good time but the longer that you sat there and tried to pretend that you were having a good time the more it hurt. You couldn’t take it anymore. So you weren’t going to. Focusing your eyes through the rain on the windshield you finally saw the sign “Leaving Forks”.

 Letting out a breath of air you felt relaxed. Free. For the first time in months you felt some peace. Laughing to yourself you rolled down all the windows not caring that the rain was pouring into the car. This made you happy. This brung joy to you. For the first time in a long time you didn’t see the rain as some tragic reminder of the Cullens leaving you to fend for yourself. You saw it as a way for you to cleanse yourself of this pain. For good. It felt a sign from the universe as your favorite song started playing on the radio. 

“This couldn’t get any better!” You laughed to yourself as you started to sing along to the song. Letting the music take you away you felt the rhythm in your body flow freely. Feeling your phone buzz you looked down ‘Unknown’ It read. Rolling your eyes you let it go to voicemail. This was the fifth time they’ve called. Turning your phone off you did your best to not let this ruin your wonderful mood you were in. 

Thirty minutes passed and you had made it. The waterfall. You loved it here but you would never get too close to the edge because you thought that somehow you’d fall off. I guess you always knew you would fall off in a way. No matter the tight grip on your- one of the Cullens would have on you you always feared the outcome. But not today. 

Shivering as water sprayed on you from the waterfall and the rain you couldn’t help but feel cold. It made it all feel surreal. Walking closer to the edge you felt a surge of adrenaline run through your veins. Jasper had shown you this place. Out of all the waterfalls the Cullens had shown you, This one was your favorite. Maybe because of the way you found it or the memories that you made here. Either way you were happiest here. Reaching the edge you looked down all you saw were rocks and water and.. A small rainbow at the end. Letting out a final sigh you closed your eyes. ‘Finally some peace.’ You thought.  You wouldn't have to feel the void the Cullens had created in you. You wouldn’t have to wallow in your pain anymore. You wouldn't have to do anything. But let go.  

Leaning forward you let yourself fall. The wind that swept across your face made you smile. No longer will you be the girl who loved you dearly. 

Feeling yourself jerk back you snapped your eyes open, stumbling you fell. “What the hell?!” You yelled out with so much anger. Looking up to see who or what the cause of this was you froze.

“Jasper?” You breathed out.

“Why are you trying to kill yourself?” Jasper questioned as venom filled his eyes. He looked like shit. His clothes didn’t match at all. It was like he just threw on whatever was laying on his floor and put it on and called it a day. His eyes were gloomy like a big gray cloud was covering them. His hair was all over the place, it looked like he hadn’t brushed his curls in weeks.

“WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF!” Jasper yelled, making you jump. Jasper had never yelled at you. Looking at him.. He didn’t look human. 

“Why do you care?” You rolled your eyes picking yourself up from the wet hard rocks.

“I care because I love you!” He yelled.

“No you don’t you don’t love me none of you do because if you did you wouldn’t have left me! You wouldn’t have left me to rot in my own hell that you created for me! The hell that you left me in! The pain you caused!” You screamed at him.

“You're going home.” Jasper said sternly.

“I’m not going anywhere besides hell, Oh wait I’m already there!” You yelled walking back to the edge of the cliff. 

“Do you really wanna kill yourself?” Jasper whispered, making you pause in  your tracks. 

“I want to not feel the way I do now ever again.” You whispered looking down at the water hitting the rocks at the bottom. Letting out a sigh you felt the best you have in a while. Your eyes grew heavy. So heavy you couldn’t keep them open any longer. So you didn’t.

Hearing whispers you tried focusing on them. 

“She hates me.” You heard from far away but at the same time very close.

“No she doesn't, she is just going through a hard time. We all are.” Who is that?

“You don’t know the way she looked at me Alice, She hates me” Alice? She's here?

“We broke her heart. What did you expect? Her to accept us with open arms?” A different voice sounded.

“Yes. That's exactly what I expected.” Another responded. 

What's going on? I can't open my eyes? It hurts. This hurts. Everything hurts. Wait. Where am I? Why am I not dead? That question hurt more than anything else. Why can't they let me go?

Let me go, I try to say.

 Nothing comes out.

Let me go! Please! Let Me go! I scream and I claw at my throat until sounds come out of my mouth. Tears roll down my cheek. Tears of sadness or confusion? Another emotion I can't seem to explain but what's new?

"Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!" I scream repeatedly once I find my voice. Once I found it I didn't let it go until I was hoarse. My eyes snapped open hurting them as they were dry but wet with tears? How can that be? The burning in my eyes only proved to me how real the scene in front of me was. 

There stood the very ones who brung this pain upon me in the first place. The Cullens. Every single one of them. They looked terrified. Like they didn't know what was the cause of this. Even Carlisle even though he  looked like he hadn't rested in a thousand years. He looked at me like I was something he didn't know how to fix. Pity. "I'm not yours to fix!" I scream and scream in anger. Eyes strictly on Carlisle. You could see him break a little bit more each time. I felt a small Crack. 

Rosalie held onto Emmetts arm and she looked.. Scared. That's a first. She said she loved her human life. I didn't. She ruined that for me. "Sad pathetic human life!" I yell and yell, staring her down as tears continue to roll down my face. She slowly let go of Emmett's arm. She looked back at me like I was a monster. How can I be a monster?! Rosalie shook her head in disbelief as she stormed out of the room. Another crack? 

A monster wasn't born. They were made.

Looking towards Emmett the wanna be big bad wolf. "You're weak. You're useless. You're powerless. You're nothing!" I scream and scream. I reach for anything to throw. That anything just happened to be a lamp. A very expensive one. My favorite one. It hit Emmett's chest and Shattered. Just like my love for him. Them. He didn’t try to dodge it. I knew he could've. They could've stopped it from happening but they didn't. They didn't do anything. They didn't do anything. Another Crack? What is this?

Turning to Jasper he looked like he was concentrating. Like he was trying so hard to fix something that shouldn't be broken in the first place.

Muffled to my ears I hear Edward's voice say "That won't work Jasper, She's breaking it.." Breaking it? Breaking them like they broke me? If that's how you word it, yes. 

With those words it looked like Jasper was finally coming to realize what was happening. "Please stop. Don't do this, you can't fix it if you keep going. Please, I love you." Jasper pleaded with a panicked look on his face. He took a step closer but Alive stopped him. "Please let me go." He begged Alice to which she looked at Edward who just slowly shook his head. 

"Let me go.. Let me go sound familiar doesn't it. Doesn't it!? You Jasper, You're nothing but an addict that will never recover. Itching and  Aching for just one drop of blood. Your miserable existence is an abomination." I repeat over and over so much that I find it funny. Laughing I couldn't help myself but to add another thing. "Blood.. There's no AA meetings for that one Jasper." He looked like he could die right then and there. He looked sadly at Alice as if to say I told you so. Crack. I gasp softly grabbing my chest but as soon as I acknowledge it goes away just as quickly as it came. 

Turning my attention to Esme I couldn't help but frown my face up in disgust. She was kneeling in front of Carlisle who was now sitting on the floor tapping at his chest. What, it hurts? So sad. You hurt me first. Esme took her eyes away from Carlisle and turned them to me. "I understand that you're upset but you can't break our bond, That will practically kill us. Please sto-" I cut her off. Who wants to listen to begging when you've been begging for them to come back for months now? I'm sick of it. 

"Toy. I was a Toy right? That's what you said. You know if a toy is  Delivered to a child in perfect condition and the child breaks it, the child has no one to blame but themselves. Because that toy did nothing to deserve the abuse the child yield upon it. But who cared right? It's just a toy! It's just a toy! Toys are made to be used and thrown away like trash because who cares it's not me- Oh wait it was me! I was the toy!" 

"Please stop, you can't undo it." Esme pleaded as her voice broke mid sentence.

"I trusted you. We made promises to each other! 'I'll hold your heart in my hand and I won't crush yours if you don't crush mine.' I won't crush yours.. I always keep my promises. So Consider your heart crushed." Esme visibly flinched with my last sentence. Crack.. 

Tearing my eyes away from Esme's shaking figure I locked eyes with Edward. The one who drove me to this heartache. It's only right if he was the last one to break. Getting out of the bed I was in with shaky legs I walked towards my final destination.

Coward.

"You know what you're doing, I've told you about it. And I've told you what will happen if you break us all.. Please rethink your decision.." Edward begged as his eyes followed  me as I walked up to him. 

Liar.

"We can still fix it but we won't be able to if you keep going. No matter if we want to fix it later in the future we can't. It won't be the same.. I know you still love us. Don't do this. I love you, I always have and always will. We left to prot-" You cut off Edward's attempts to save himself with one word. What was he afraid of most? Why was he afraid to show his true colors? It's all simply because he is a-

"Monster."

Edward's face dropped. You dug into your memories but not too deep as it always lingered on the surface. He was always scared you'd see him for who he truly is. A monster. 

"A soulless monster. You see Edward you were always so worried about your 'soul' you shouldn't worry about something you just don't have. Humans have souls. You're nothing but a cold hollow shell of something that used to be. Just embrace it. You'll never make it out of this hell you've made. It didn't have to be like this. You could've turned the car around that night. You were in full control. So you Edward have no one to blame but yourself. Why don't you go add yourself to your collection of victims you think you've saved." You sneered with venom. Crack.

With those last words a sharp pain felt like it came through your heart six times, And left the same way it came in. You didn't even flinch. It's like you were numb. The best way you could describe it was you were stabbed in your heart front and back six times. A few last tears ran down your check but you weren't crying anymore. You had stopped crying a long time ago. It was like your tears acted as the blood that would've spilled if you had actually been stabbed. 

Edward's faces twisted in pain and soon after behind you you heard the gasp of the rest of the Cullen's. They were feeling all the pain you felt and then some. You couldn't help but feel proud of yourself. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders and you could breathe again. 

"How could you go through with this?! It will feel like we've died!" Rosalie stormed into the room the best she could, hunched over in pain. The throbbing in her heart was something she never thought she'd  experience. You couldn't help but roll your eyes. They thought they were the only ones who could break hearts and not blink an eye?

"Well die then."

Rosalie's eyes widened at your words. She tried to look into your eyes to see if you were just putting up a front but no. This was all you. Your head was clearer than ever. 

As you looked around the room you searched for your keys but then thought 'I don't want it anymore.' Anything from the Cullen's gets left tonight. Cars.. Feelings.. it's all the same to you.

"Enjoy my gift. It's the closest thing you will ever get to feeling human." 

You spoke dryly.

Walking away from Edward you stepped over Emmett who was curled into a ball on the floor clawing at his chest. "It hurts." He whimpered. Get over it.

With your back turned you felt the eyes of every Cullen on your back. "Please stay." Carlisle whispered. You paused and hope flooded the heart broken vampires. You continue your journey to the front door. On your way you spoke knowing they could all still hear you very clearly.

"Don't call me. Don't come by my house. Don't make it seem like you've died. Just die." I said before I slammed the door shut. And it was never opened again.

Walking down the long driveway of the Cullens house you felt light as a feather. You felt like you were on top of the world and nothing could bring you down. As you walked you came to a realization. You were trying to make a happy ending, you were begging for one. And that's what took so long that's why they never came back. Because there was no happy ending. A love that breaks you like that will never have a happy ending if it's with the same one that took your heart and stomped it out. The only way out is to make a trade. Eye for an eye. Soul for a soul. Heart for a Heart.

[strstab]

𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 - 𝐣.𝐦

summary ; a pretty dress creates a horny jj after a dinner date

pairing ; jjaprilbank x fem!reader

notes ; smut!!!!! unprotected sex, teasing, fingering, praise go brr

a/n ; ngl, this was awkward to write.. hopefully it was decent tho!!first time writing smth like this , feel free to leaves tips! BTW THIS IS KINDA LONG +++++

“give me another twirl, baby,” jj grabbed your hand, spinning you around so you can flaunt your dress.

you spent hours in the early afternoon getting ready for a fancy dinner date with jj. you had a soft pink dress on that was just slightly see through and it had been driving jj crazy all night. your white underwear was visible but he didn’t say anything about it.

you did a cute 360 and your dress lifted up, panties on display for your boyfriend to see. “my girl looked so good tonight,” he purred into your ear.

you smiled at the name as he closed the door behind him and pulled you closer, hands firmly on your waist. you loosely wrapped your arms around his neck, looking up at him. “yeah?”

“mhmm.” his head dipped down to your neck, blonde hairs tickling you. he hummed and began sucking on your soft skin, marking you up. you threw your head back as he kissed down your neck, moving towards your breasts, causing you to tug on his hair and whine a little.

“you like it that much, hm?” jj’s mouth removed itself from your skin. you groaned and pulled his face towards yours, “kiss me.”

he did as told, lips quickly finding yours. you whimpered into his mouth and you felt the corner his mouth tilting up. he lifted you up, hands supporting your thighs strongly. you wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled away from his lips with a grin. his lips were marked red from your lipstick so you kissed around his chin, lipstick staining his skin the same way it did his lips.

jj walked into your shared bedroom and music filled your ears. “baby did you forget to turn off the music?” he asked with a smile, laying you down on your back.

you laughed and shrugged. you probably did. he crawled on top of you and peppered kisses down your chest to your lower abdomen. he spread your thighs apart as he played with the hem of your panties that had been taunting him all night.

his deep blue eyes looked into yours for permission. you nodded eagerly and pushed his head down. he gave a light chuckle before lifting his head back up to look at you. “need words, princess,”

you whined and bucked your hips up, “mm, need you so bad,”

“been thinking of you all night,” he stuck his head under your dress to begin working on your juices. he rolled his tongue between your sensitive lips and brushed his thumb against your clit.

he never failed to make you feel good. everytime you guys fucked it felt so dreamlike, surreal if you must. and it didn’t help that he knew your body like the back of his hand. you gripped the sheets as he inserted a finger into you, pushing it in and out of your sloppy hole repeatedly. you choked out a moan and started moving your hips into his touch. his pace sped up. jj slipped another finger into you, following the rhythm of music in the back.

his fingers were thrusting into you so deep and they didn't dare miss your g-spot. they'd hit it every single time. he needed you on his cock as soon as possible, but first he needed you to come on his fingers. jj moaned into your pussy, sending vibrations through you. “my gorgeous girl,” yeah. that was it.

that burning sensation you knew so well began to poke at your lower abodemn and you felt yourself clench around his fingers, hissing and squirming uncontrollably. black spots covered your vision as you came hard onto his fingers. “that’s my girl..” he cooed. “you did so good for me, mama.”

he retracted his fingers away, causing you to whimper from the loss of touch. you watched as he licked his soaked fingers clean of your cum, and squeezed your thighs together. you needed more. so much more.

you sat up and crawled to him. you palmed him through his pants and looked up at him with puppy eyes. he gave a strangled moan and he grasped your chin, attacking your lips as you zipped down his fly and pulled off his pants along with his boxers. pumping his cock slowly, he gripped your waist and pressed you back down onto the pile of pillows.

all he could do was stare at you with hearts in his eyes. you looked fucking ethereal right now. nipples hardened, lips swollen with red-purple marks all over your body, and those beautiful colored eyes staring into his soul with desperation. if anything made it better, it was his favorite song in the back that just started playing.

your arms clutched onto his neck, pulling his face close to yours, his cock hovering over the place you needed it in the most. jj bites your earlobe and whispers the lyrics beside your ear, “you take me high..” earning a small laugh from you.

“why are you so-“ he cuts you off by sticking his thumb in your mouth. you suck on his finger as he rubs his cock against your cunt, purposely avoiding sliding into your hole.

you swirled your tongue around his finger and pulled away to kiss him. when his dick still hadn’t entered you, you draw back and try grabbing it but he quickly grabs your wrists and holds them together.

“whatcha tryna do girl?”

“stop teasing.. need you.” he chuckles and thrusts into you smoothly.

“am i in?” you nod and your eyes flutter shut as you take him whole, heart pounding and head already feeling dizzy. “then i ain’t teasin.”

he lets go of your wrists and pushes your legs up, getting a better angle. you moan out his name as he sets the pace, struggling to keep it slow and consistent. he grunts and speeds up, bringing a leg down so he could view your face. he’s pushing into you so deep and quick, your brain couldn’t process anything for a minute.

his hand slid up your chest, grabbing the fat of your breast so he could palm at it slowly. you arch into his touch, whining for more. his other hand is set on your stomach, pressing down on it while he fucks into you.

“fuck, you feel this baby? taking my cock so well for me.” jj pants, dick intoxicating you every thrust. “all f’ me,”

you’re scratching at the sheets, nodding and moaning loudly. “yes daddy, ‘m all for you,”

you heard a hiss come from above as jj stilled inside you. you let out a shaky whimper and prop yourself onto your elbows. you look at jj, his eyes were closed and his bottom lip was inbetween his teeth like he way praying to himself. he suddenly let out a sharp exhale and groaned. “almost fuckin’ came in you,”

you slapped his arm, “why didn’t you?” you pout with a harsh tone and brows furrowed.

he laughs and leans down to kiss your neck. “need you to finish first, princess.” you move your head away, denying him his kiss.

he rolls his eyes and starts rocking back and fourth again, harsher than before. you mewl at his tip slapping your g-spot repeatedly while tugging on his hair.

once again, you felt that feeling that was yearning to be let go. you open your mouth to speak but before anything could fall from your lips, you felt a wave pool come over you.

you’re pussy tightens around jj’s cock, releasing everything out and you felt him throbbing inside you. his hips stutter and he’s quick to fall behind you, soaking your v in his juices which were easily mixing with yours.

“all mine…” he mumbles repeatedly, still barley fucking you. “all fuckin mine,”

your body goes limp and he curses quietly as he pulls out of you slowly, mesmerized by the creamy moisture that fell out of your hole.

“oh shit baby, felt so god damn good.” jj huffs, whining a little. he falls on top of you, burying his face into your neck. you stretch your fingers out, then tangling them into jj’s hair.

he turns onto his back and pulls you to his side. you cuddle into him, hand flat on his chest, legs tangled and eyes shut. you both just lay there for a while. minds still stuck on your little session.

“wanna bathe, gorgeous?” you’re sucked out of your trance by jj’s raspy voice and shake your head. “jus wanna sleep..” you mumble into his skin.

he nods and kisses your temple, sitting up to go get you clothes. he pulls on new pair of boxers and throws you one of his shirts. you slide off your sweaty dress and put on the shirt jj threw at you. jj lays back in bed after throwing the dirty clothes into the hamper and you cuddle back into him.

he presses his lips to your head, “i love you”

“i love you too j.”

hi … k bye.

yeah.. that was long and so.. bad. i’m so scared to post this so i’m just gonna log off for the night after i press this button.

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

ALRIGHTY’S I KNOW ITS BEEN A HOT SEC I’VE BEEN GONE CAMPING AMONGST THE TREES AND THEN OPENED COMMISSIONS BUT NOW IT IS FINALLY TIME TO SIT DOWN FOR ANOTHER KNOX REACTS. WHATS UP ON THE MENU TONIGHT?

MONKIE KID SEASON 5 EPISODE 3

(spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen it)

Yeah alright, lets see what we got here title be TEMPLE OF THE GODDESS. Sounds cool sounds neat, is this gonna be Nuwa’s first appearance then? or like… i assumed she’d show up later ngl if at all, sets have a habit of adding characters that never show up sometimes— AHEM

.

ACTUALLY THIS FEELS A BIT SURREAL LIKE RIGHT THERE’S MONKIE KID EPS OUT THAT’S CRAZY HELPGLKMAF;LKSDF

Let’s see how I do after two weeks of semi-fresh slightly smokey tree air—

theme song my beloved, oh yes okay the three weeks did something i’m almost used to the animation difference i think it’s settled we’re good i can react primarily to the story now WHEEZELKGJASL;KDF

OHH OHH OKAY IT MIGHT JUST BE THE TWO WEEKS BUT SANDY SOUNDS A LOT MORE SANDY NOW, hang on lemme pull up ep 2 i’m curious

ah hm and nope nvm relistened again, its like… y’know if you’ve ever gone on like a sound music app thingie like garage band or something and you up the tenor and get rid of some of the base, Sandy’s voice sounds kinda off that way, he’s more nasally and not as rumbly? HEY I’M ABLE TO ARTICULATE NOW LETS GOOOOOO

Anyway tho back to react lesgolesgolesgo

Mk, my lad, you are indeed moving from one apocalypse to the next but if it’s all leading up to destiny then i’m sure it’ll be like PSYCH IT’S BEEN THIS ONE GUY PULLING THE STRINGS ALL ALONG— or something like that that’d be funny

Hm, I wonder if the five coloured stones have a name like the Samadhi fire does.

W O O F (ouch) yeah some of the movements still make me feel like i’m sitting in front of my grandparents TV watching treehouse or something :[ It’s kinda like… it’s not bad its just very much used for a specific type of show usually and monkie kid isn’t that type of show to me so it’s claaaashing so bad AHA I AM ABLE TO ARTICULATE! Whaddayaknow the three week break did wonders for me actually we’re loving this YEAAAAAA

Wukong rubbing his head where the circlet is while he talks is MMHM <3 Wowza!!

HM! Tang sounds muffled! Once again i gotta go back and reply to understand what’s being said THIS IS TRAGIC THIS IS A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME USUALLY MONKIE KID IS SO CRYSTAL CLEAR I HEAR WHAT’S BEING SAID RIGHT OFF THE BAT (only mis-hearing once in a blue moon) I do like how Pigsy is shaped in this frame <3

Sniffs. I was gonna say they are indeed reusing the samadhi rings plot line again of like, wow we gotta find this thing! but hey this time they don’t have a map! It’s different [winks at camera] LOL no tho fr it’s kinda interesting to see them using the same theme in different fonts. Like the goal is different, Samadhi fire was beat the lady bone demon and the stones is seal he heavens but it is a very similar plot to have so close to the other season. I mean there was a 1 season break in-between tho so PFF that’s probably good enough MOVING ON

Okay hmhm, Pigsy’s “what about the thing where” is super like muffled to me? And quiet, like they turned down the volume on his audio and then cranked it up immediately at the “WE DON’T KNOW WHERE THESE STONES ARE.” on second listen now that i know what’s gonna be said it’s not so bad, but it also just seems very kinda slurred together almost?? It feels like it was done in two separate takes and pasted together almost. I had to pause and be like huh!!! weird!! usually there’s a bit of a pause between Pigsy’s quiet and then loud bit to my memory, he’s done this kind of thing before but the audio volume is just so wildly different—might just be my version of the show tho!

Oof yeah, the music and audio of mk talking after it are wildly different volumes, and these are my good headphones WOUGH THIS IS BRUTAL

still chilling in the good vibes tho, fresh air does a load of good

Actually, fantastic plan mk, ask someone who knows, mind blowing for these guys, when have they ever— //j/jj

Is that how you say her name? NuWAH? I do it more of like a… NAHwah? maybe? ??? NeWAH HGLKJSDF

Mk and Mei getting hyped bless <3333

….tang bro you guys have walked through lava so many times by now I don’t see why you’re loosing your mind— GHL;AKSDJFSADF

they’ve cracked the code, if you want to distract Tang from doom spiraling just ask him to info dump and you’re good!! Still whatever with the visuals of that gag ngl but i do appreciate the verbal comedy

Okay, who do those highly stylish eyebrows belong too? Actually hello?? this might be my favourite frame in the show so far it looks so nice?? I LIKE A FRAME IN SEASON 5 LESGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“There’s always a temple”

“Mhm, yeah, mhm”

Yeah its like all the voices lost their bass, their growl, their RUMBLE. Nah the Pigsy Mei moment was cute tho bless

Tang. You have. Been around the Samadhi fire. Yeah okay trauma fire, without getting literal ab—TANG YOU LITERALLY SAMADHI FIRE??? THAT’S LITERAL FIRE PLS HGLK;SFJA;OWIEFM AND FAR MORE DANGEROUS THAN REGULAR FIRE??? MY GOOD SIR??? Priorities—

AHAHAHA Darn right, I know Ashe likes their “LEGOOOO”’s, fantastic that is becoming part of my speech un-ironically thanks to them HGLASJDF You know what yeah this feels like Ashe’s writing “Sounds like Tang’s on board!” yeah hGLK;SJDFSD

SANDY’S VOICE ALMOST SOUNDED RIGHT THERE

GODS WE’RE SO CLOSE [clenches fist]

That little transition noise had a good base—

Wow speediy AHAHAHAHAHA STAIRS

YESSSSSSSSS

Okay, Okay mk’s little NNOOOooooooooo…. was pretty funny hGL;KJSFD;LJSADF Bro just yeah, nods nods that’s how stairs feel fr :pensive_emoji:

The music kinda drowns out what Sandy says for a second RAAAAA

ALPINE SANDYGNL;DKFMSADF

nice

Why do you need a hook the stairs are right there—

Oh pls make Tang climb don’t carry him pls make him climb plsplsplsplsplsplspls PLEASE MAKE HIM AND HIS WEAK ANKLES CLIMB I’M BEGGING YOU—

Oh

Oh yeah okay good call actually I take it back teleportation is actually a good ideaHGKL;ASJDFSDF

AS FUNNY AS TANG CLIMBING WOULD BE

.

I feel like tang’s old man back would snap under mei—

DID HE JUST UYEET THATLGKMD;LFKSD

oh he can slip it back

CHEATINGLKSDMFASLD;MF

Cant’ use magic or tracking

….. AND THEN USES HIS CLOUD GLKMDFA;OMFIWEF

CHOKINGL;KSDFMASDF

ONLY TAKES MK

I’m telling ya man Sun Wukong’s one and only priority is that kid

…. is mk and wukong ditching the rest of the crew gonna be a theme this season— HGLKJASD;FKASD

TANG N O

TANG

NO

LEAVE THE PIG MAN ALOOOOOONE

DARN RIGHT YOU AIN’T CARRYING HIM TANG HE’S HALF YOUR SIZE— (not to say that I don’t believe Pigsy is stronk and buff ask heck but STILL)

The way Wukong keeps touching the circlet is a neat detail ngl I’m STILL salty about how it went on but its FIINNEEEEE

MK

W H A T

BROTHER HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU CHEATED AT STUFF, TAKE ME BACK TO THE SKELETON KEY WHEN HE BYPASSED LEVELS IN VIDEO GAMES AND STOLE THINGS AND WENT ON A WILD CRAZY RUN WITH MEI?? I mean you could say character development BUT PLS WDYMMMMMMMM

Okay “LOOPHOLES BABY” is absolutely delightful and I will be quoting that for the rest of my life for no reason i just think he’s delightful

they almost made him squishy good effort wild brain ;-;7 i salute you

Ashe, I love your sense of humour—

“THIS PROVES NOTHING—“

Oh so the eyebrows are a BIRD ;-; ok i was like owaa new design? cool character? no :pensive_emoji: its a bird :pensive_emoji: that’s okay i’m sure the bird is lovely too ;-; TBF the bird probably would ave appeared anyways

Why is the bird growling HLGKJA;WOEFJSDF

Ooo fire blasts!

Isn’t shielding the fire using magic—?

….bro

CRACKS KNUCKLES

COOL YEAH IMPLICATIONS SINCE THAT WASN’T MAGIC EVEN IF IT HAD THE MAGIC SOUND EFFECT ITS JUST SWK USING HIS BODY TO SHEILD MK AND NOTHING ELSE YEAH I’M NORMAL AND FINE DON’T TOUCH ME

oooooo touchy wall, get pulled in, MK YOU’RE HOOOMEE <3 probably, I don’t know I assume Nuwa would be like wassup brrooo <333 since she’s the one who made him maybe its unclear still but we’ll worry about that when we get to it

Tilting my head. eh, no particular feelings over mk mimicking wukong ngl shrugs

Oooo Nuwa’s place looking a little worse for wear

Bro she’s legit a snake—

Just casually smashing things

Ooo OI TILTED ANGLE COUNTER GOING UP

Sniffs.

She made monkeys! :D Oh yeah and humans ig—

Oh come on don’t show me flying bark PLEAAASE I’M BEGGING YOU ON MY KNEES EVEN IF ITS TRACED DON’T SHOW IT TO MEEEEEE

Bro having flashes once again and going iTS NOTHIINNN DW ABOUT IIIIT

Okay big ol prophecy painting with the face scratched out that’s silly

HELPGKLMASFSAD

CLASSIC FINAL BOSS AESTHETIC HGL;KSDFMASDF

…..

Way to change the topic wukong

OH i kinda almost like how mk looks in that frame the “answers ain’t in this room” one its so close ;-;

Ig they both know who its supposed to be :T

Ahem okay so this is gonna be a prophesy destiny season alrighty cool cool cool

Sniffs. I feel like the coming down in a beam of light to people reaching up to him is probably misleading given the whole harbinger of chaos thing so maybe Mk’s like, how’s you say this… bam bam boom whack wowza rip the world ig :pensive_emoji:

WHO KNOWS

ANYWAY

Oh mk says “fair point” when monkey king says the final boss thing that’s funny OUGH I WISH I COULD HEAR AND PROCESS THIS IS KILLING ME A BIT

aw lets focus up ;-; i like him

STOMPY STOMPY

Bro those are traps—

MONKEY KINGS FACE GLKASMFSD

yeah

Mk’s steamrolling huh

BBQ’d 2.0

Indiana Jones’ing it MONKEY KING TAKING THE BR

SHUT UP HE LOOKS LIKE BURNT MARSHMALLOW WUKONG EVERYBODY SHUT UP TAHT’S MY DESIGN THAT’S MY BOY

bet you didn’t expect me to fixate on bbq’d wukong huh—

He’s just

on his cloud

MANYMANY DADS

HE SAID IT

HELPGLKMASFASDF

I’m hoping its dads and i’m not mishearing deaths hG;LKJSADF

MONKEY KING WITH STUFF STICKING OUT OF HIMGLMFLKSDF

Lava or axe’s nice

NOOO MK’S MCGUFFIN;SLDKFMA;OEFWN;AWENF;OAWG;KMFLASDMFS MCGUFFINS I’M CRYINGLKSDFMASDFS I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE ASHE YOU’RE FUNNY OKAYGLKMSFSD

Aw that’s cute

“three times actually” smug look at the camera

“first time was just the city don’t get cocky”

I’m liking a lot of the dialogue in this ep a lot more than the first two ngl feels more monkie kid but HEY ITS ASHE SO THAT MAKES SENSEG;LKSMDFSD

I love Wukong telling Mk this ngl

“look i don’t know how many times you gotta learn this—“

A lot monkey king

a lot more times— HGL;KASJDF

Seems like Mk’s getting worn down by the whole destiny thing and its probably gonna end up being something he doesn’t like or something

Monkey king: USE YOUR ABLITY TO MAKE CHOICES

Mk: :(

oUGH

OUGH

NAILING IT

ON MY HANDS AND KNEES THANK YOU ASHE FOR WRITING THE CHARACTERS I LOVE, THAT WAS PLAYING DUMB TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD DONE WELL WAILS

MAAAN

Sniffs okay okay

oooo STARS

FANCY

“I can sense it”

“What fr???”

that’s funny and also ominous

a lot of “i can feel it”’s going around here hLKG;JASDF

Bro fr i thought it’d be another map—

They’re goofy

Ohhhh OHH I get it, the bird is the

stone

yeah

that makes sense

stone bird

so all the stones are those creatures at the start

and merged together they’re that giant chimera freaky creature plus whatever snake guy lego set dude merged together

.

maybe

so stones together in fact busts stuff up fr?

AYO? WHY’S THE BIRD DOING A LADY BONE DEMON THING

OH THEY HOVERING NOW

Hi Nuwa

I’m sorry i never got to see flying bark animate you ;-;

OKAAAY I gotta process all that

So it’s definitely gonna be like a keep the universe from getting destroyed thing, but also probably a fake out of he’s meant to destroy it or something because PSYCH YOU THOGUHT WE WERE GONNA BE STRAIGHTFORWARD—or something like that final answer (its not my final answer i’ll come up with something better later maybe)

The phoenix sounds like somebody trying to sound Chinese

….

jurys still out on whether they succeeded or not

coughs

Mk sacrifice his existence?

Okay i do like the um… difference in responses from mk and wukong “—to save the world?” and Mk’s like D: and wukong’s like >:[ more like. feels like he’s going AHA YEHA NOT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN BRO— conviction nuh-uh kinda vibe maybe

SIGHS

mEI STILL SOUNDS OFF TO ME I DON’T WANT HER TOO BUT RAAAAAAAAA Save me guys take me back to when i wouldn’t notice this ;-; make me into one of those people who everyone sounds the same to or something (pls don’t i like being able to decipher voices) MAAAN good voice acting still tho, good yell, well done

Circlet used to keep monkey king down so he can’t save mk real?

Dang they really spoiling the end of the season here—well if it actually goes like this, mk never got engulfed in fire like the lady bone demon claimed he would so this might not even happen lol

“Your hearts have been measured”

Swk: OKAY FIGHT TIME BECAUSE AIN’T NO WAY I PASSED THAT—

Swk do you need to sit down and talk about it buddy? :( ?

And poof gone==oh those are pretty big

HA

Trial after all

True true mentor stuff still stands

hmhm no thoughts!

WHY IS HIS MONKEY FORM ALL EVIL SMILEY

PIGSY YOU DID NOT CARRY HIM

PIGSY

P I G S Y

Mk: [another crisis]

Okay no fr respectfully someone needs to throw tang down the stairs GET OFF MY MAAAAN

Swk felt very silly goofy in this episode

It does kinda feel like he’s helping Mk avoid what he doesn’t want to think about now, which, is interesting!

DID TANG JUST TELL DADSY TO MUSH

TANG W H Y

I GET ITS FOR THE RUNNING GAG BUT W H YYYYYYY

This is p interesting tho, this episode definitely felt more like monkie kid to me, it’s still just MAN is it missing the heart and soul flying bark brought and I’m still having a lot of trouble processing the audio to an almost ridiculous degree of the amount of times i have to go back and replay and not to enjoy a line but to actually hear it regardless of how much i have my sound turned up so there’s still some OOF stuff but all in all the gags on this one were good and my three weeks away have helped me put enough distance between the animation and me that i can actually kinda watch it now!! LEGOOOO

Next reaction ep hopefully coming sometime this week so until then KNOX OUT BABYYYYY

[intheholler]

I just found this account through an appalachian mutual. And dude, I would pay to just sit down and talk to you about anything related to appalachia. I get The Crisis too because of so many reasons. I'm from the ass end of the mountains. Where they don't really give a shit about the resources in em, but there's textile/carpet Mills I'm every which way. But my family history is all over the place. So that, coupled with not being in the thick of the appalachians makes me question a lot of things. But I relate so heavily to a lot of the stuff this account says. Especially the accent struggles, oh my lands. Anyway, that's enough outta me. I love this blog and I hope you have a good day!

hey there!! ngl its kinda surreal to hear someone say to me 'i'd pay to sit down and talk to you' hahah

first off - zero compensation needed, am always available n eager to discuss all things appalachia <3 lol

second off - The Crisis fuckin blows, and i'm sorry to hear you're struggling with it too. questioning if you are who you are is hellish. personally, it feels like every time i feel like i've made peace, it comes back. why is identity so complicated?

but anyway, if you ever want/need to talk about The Crisis or The Accent Issue or literally anything adjacent to the hills, both my DMs and my asks are open (and i'm not usually as scarce as i have been for the past month or so, promise)

thanks for bein here n yall take care <3

[updateplss]

i see by the new grey's anatomy trailer that kai is out right? 💔 i wonder if they had some sort of closure bc i didn't finish the season

sad? yes BUT the chemistry already between amelia and that new doctor...... amelia's flirty smile towards women is just so..... gahjjjjhhh

ngl it still feels kinda surreal that they're really shoving bi amelia in our faces in every way possible. we waited for SO many years. it feels insane

[shmowder]

SHMOWDER IT WORKED I have successfully replaced the portraits in P1 with the P2 portraits ♥️♥️♥️ My head was spinning at first because my only modding experience has been installing Sims mods, which has prepared me for basically nothing. But I followed a guide, spent a while resizing pictures, and I truly wasn't expecting it to work when I launched the game but IT ACTUALLY DID.

Ngl I wasn't exactly having the time of my life in P1 yesterday. I haven't yet mastered the art of not getting stabbed to death, and I learned that you WILL get infected by plague clouds unless your immunity is at 100% and even then it's a possibility, which is not only evil but also rude, and all the immunity boosters that I have will lower your health and I barely have any bandages, and half the drunks I try to trade with aren't even carrying anything!

I spent so much time save scumming. Before combat, in infected districts, in the burned district (I'm on day 4) because those looters are even worse than the bandits you get at night; I can only deal with them with the shotgun and I don't have much ammo so it's really only worth it if there's a loaf of bread on the first floor.

To add insult to injury I found a girl with a shmowder but I didn't have enough junk to trade!! I did find many more trash cans and bins, and it's really fun to break into and loot regular houses.

In other words, I'm having the typical Pathologic experience :P I will persevere. I feel energized now that I got the portrait thing to work. Some of them were ok but it's just that I need to see my little pixel babies at all times actually safdsjfja; and this may be dumb af but now that I'm playing P1, I don't want P2 to be like... overwritten by it in my mind? Idk, I have a sneaking suspicion that's an unhinged thing to say but whatever.

-

Hehe thank you kindly for mentioning Victor and Yulia when you talked about the traits you assign to each character when writing smut. Getting ahead of me before I could ask lmao. Because I most likely would have >:)

So, Stakh is the least vocal in bed? Yeah, I can see that. Who do you think is the most vocal?

🐿️ anon

Hell yeah! Great job <3 I'm so happy it worked! Moding can be really confusing and exhausting, especially for an older niche game like P1 omfg you must have the patience of a saint to figure it out.

It is kinda surreal hearing you talk about your P1 experience, I never thought I'd really get anyone to play it besides myself. I'm just so happy! I hope you see all the love that was clearly poured into it, I hope you understand just why I fell in love with it, I hope your experience is touching and unique.

And dw, you'll get the hang of everything in time. I struggled a lot, too. Hell, some mechanics I still can't quite master but that's okay. The game surprisingly gives you leeway? There are multiple ways of earing food/money necessary for survival and each of them come with their own costs.

The house looters are much harder than to deal with yeah. Here is my tip, there is usually just one on the first floor. Q.Save outside the door, then get in and try to headshot him while he runs at you. Then Q.save again. Loot the whole ground floor and Q.Save before going up the stairs.

When on the stairs, just make sure to step on the second floor once before immediately rushing downstairs and waiting at the end of a long hall or in a room. Briefly touching the second floor once is enough to alarm the enemy AI of your presence and the looters will go down the stairs to chase you after a short pause.

Sometimes they get stuck on the stairs and you get lucky and can kill them from far away! Other times, they come down normally. But because you're anticipating them at the end of the hallway, headshooting them becomes much easier.

A headshot from a rifle or a shotgun is fatal, but not from a pistol. I know it's annoying to try an aim, constantly having to Q.Save and Q.Load to avoid wasting bullets but it's necessary for your bullet economy to not use more than one bullet per person. using 2 every now and then is okay, although save it for emergencies. However, using 3 is absolutely horrifying and an instant Q.Load.

A loaf bread is actually really worth it. It removes 25% of your hunger, the same as raw meat and raw fish. While being at only a fraction of the price and more commok to spawn. Don't bother eating anything than bread, raw meat and fish. Everything else just sell or trade for herbs. Yes the worms accept food too for herbs and not just human organs! Then after collecting 50 herbs, go to Andrey and trade him for a shotgun which you can sell and buy food with the money.

The immunity thing is true, you can still get infected at 100%. Save your yellow immunity pills however, DO NOT sell them. You'll need around 50 or so for a quest later on.

Don't bother with infected houses until late game when you actually have decent protective gear that prevent plague clouds from infecting you with one touch, you'll still have to evade them tho. Two touches and you're done.

But. If you want to bother with the infected houses for the tasty bullet loot inside. Simply outsmart the system.

Plague clouds and looters positions reset when you exist a house. All you have to do is Q.Save before enterting a house, normally loot the place, even if you get infected dw just ignore the plague clouds and act casual for now. Memorise where the cabinets with the good loot are located inside the house, then Q.Load.

Now be as stealthy and swift as a tiger and immediately run towards the most valuable loot cabinets. After emptying one single Cabinet, rush outside the house before the plague clouds can corner you and Q.Save again. Rinse and repeat after every Cabinet, it will be easy peasy lemon squeezy bc the plague clouds position will reset and grant you more leeway each time.

For knife/fist fighting. Remember to press hit before moving towards the enemy, like much much before it, there is a 1.5 seconds delay between your hit press and when the knife actually lands. Also the place you aim with your vision effects your dmg btw.

So if the crosshair is positioned on their head/neck, the knife will do more dmg and kill them faster.

But if it's on their chest/shoulder, you'll do very little dmg and have to hit them more times.

You also need to immediately back away as your hit lands bc they will attempt to slash you. It takes practice but eventually it becomes a second nature, and trust me mastering mele combat is very important to the Haruspex route.

Never sell your shit to Bad Grief, he always lowballs you. Likewise never buy shit from him that you can buy from other stores.

The tailor above Maria's wing of the crucible pays the most for your items! It's like a 25% margin profit which comes in handy.

Teensy, the shmowder kid, only accepts nuts, flowers, needles and hooks. Try not to trade those items and save them for her, you'll need 10 of each for a shmowder except the nuts which are valued at 2 so you'll need 5. BUT the peanuts are the only nuts which are valued at 1, so you'll need 10 of them unlike the other nuts.

The crowbars you get from killing looters can be traded with the small black haired boy for bullets, it also can be traded with gaurds for raw meat but that offer goes away when the army moves in.

Rifle's bullets are the cheapest to buy, then comes shotguns and finally pistols. Sell any pistol bullets you find, preferably at Maria's tailor and never Bad Grief.

The map lies to you sometimes about certian fences and shortcuts.

Shops inventory are rerolled the first time you enter them for the day, then become permanent until you enter them the next day. You can savescum your way into making shops give you the items you want if you Q.Save before entering them, but after that you'll need to wait for a daily reset at 12am in order to reroll again.

Nuts stay relatively cheap even when the prices rise, and since groceries are useless throughout the game after the first day, I used this method to force each one of them to give me at least one nut. That's like 7 nuts perday if not more. Which guarantees me a shmowder perday without having to scarifice my needles or hooks for teensy since she is the only kid which values nuts at two while trading them with anyone else will come at a loss bc they value nuts at 1.

I'm on day 3 and I already have 6 shmowders! Yes I had to reroll for teensy inventory, which that method works too! but it's ah a bit more complicated? Basically certian numbers of npcs are predertimed to spawn outside once you enter a building, so even if you savescum before existing, it will always be the same npcs.

Which means if you save on a street with two teensy, you can reroll until one of them gives you a shmowder which is a 1/10 drop chance... well in P2 it is 1/10. In P1, it felt more like 1/15 or 1/20 tbh.

And those are good odds! Coming from a gambling addition revoveree who rerolled gacha games for the 0.1% chance of landing an SSR character in the first ten pull. One time I rerolled for a 0.015% dropchance character and somehow got it.

Eitherway! If this is overwhelming then don't worry about any of what I just said and play however you want. But if you truly want tips and to improve then I'll gladly help <3

And... yeah, your fears are true. The two games will muddy each other in your brain and you'll mix up events from them. I was telling something to a friend about Aglay before realising I was completely talking about P1 when they've only played P2. Even I forget where certian info came from anymore.

You can always replay P2, tho. Appreciate the convince of well designed streets. Looks like Yulia actually earned her degree this time around rather than buying it off of amazon.

[sir-kettle-of-countertop]

(pictured: me, my most recent fashionscape and my achievements) I was finally able to afford BOWFA and full crystal set like just a couple of days ago - feels kinda surreal that I managed to work up for it, had to sell my dragonhunter lance, bcp and twisted buckler for it, but I did it! BCP was the easiest thing to part with ngl cause I had the Fighter Torso for the longest time and it has the same strength bonus :v And just before BOWFA I actually fully finished all of the achievement diaries... man those goals, I never really pictured that I could even grind long enough to get to them, y'kno?

And cause I could not imagine that I could ever get to them I dumped ALL of my crystal shards into the fucking enhanced crystal keys cause I naively hoped to get some dragonstone armour pieces and now I'm scrambling for cash to get crystal shards to corrupt my BOWFA ;-; will have to spend several days at the money snekk or something, bleh.

Moral of the story: don't mindlessly dump your resources for instant gratification and plan the fuck ahead :v

[mamaspidershit]

🎱

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats

lmao you’re really gunning for my throat here, huh? but you did ask, so i will provide :)

ngl, still kinda feels surreal that sm people like my stuff lol (or that i’ve written so much. 250k??? jesus christ)

[gothmods]

So i guess i keep a sex journal now

Im finding that a dildo stuck to the wall is much more enjoyable than trying to use my hands (just remembered that post about how dildo sounds like the name of a sad italian clown because.....yeah it sure does). Last time i thought heck im tired ill just lie down and use my hand. Bad idea to both the ignoring that i was tired and the relying on my hand/wrist.

Misc. notes are im trying to eat more raw fiber which is defs helping (thank you kale ily) and also have made a note to investigate f/m/m content.

I get the feeling ill be kinda shattered tomorrow though since using my hips/thighs is physically demanding but eh not much can be done about that.

Ngl its kinda crazy to me how well ive taken to anal like physically its been very little work to build up to it. Maybe it just feels that way though because front hole stuff is inversely difficult and unpleasant feeling.

Sometimes i wonder if medically theres a reason for that but since i dont want to do it anyway it doesnt really matter. I mean it did matter when i was regularly self harming but thats over now and honestly the sooner i can get that thing removed the better. Final nail in the coffin so to speak.

Which its been like 7 weeks now without doing any sh behaviours which really is the craziest part of all this. A decade of what had basically become habit abd its just. Poof. Gone. Found dead in miami.

Still kinda surreal..

[kinetic-elaboration]

March 30: Weird Day

I've had a really weird day today, which started with me getting to bed so late... I cannot keep living like this. I write this down in a public place as if it could fix me or at least spur me to action. I need to take an extended period of time off work except that I'm afraid I would spend it poorly. The thing is that my 2 week vacation in December did fix me--temporarily, but it did. I was doing better. I want to replicate that with fewer days and without leaving town but maybe that's a sort of pipe dream, I don't know.

Anyway, I got to sleep so late that I think I entered another dimension in my dreams. I was asleep but I full on thought I was awake, in a very hyper-realistic dream that took place in my own room, in my own bed. But when I reached for my glasses I found this other stuff on my bedside table, like my keys, for some reason. And there was a car or truck or something passing by the footpath outside my window. Like, stuff that was subtly wrong or impossible. Then I felt like I was being pulled downward and it was scary, like vertigo sort of. And I thought 'maybe this is what falling asleep feels like. I don't like it.' Then I woke up very abruptly: in the exact position, exact same place, but none of this weird stuff happening. Very scary. I did not like it at all.

I got up later to have something to eat and so on, and then there was a knocking on my door. Very unusual. And not what I wanted or needed. I looked out the peephole and saw what I think was a Mormon based on his styling and outfit. This has literally never happened to me, and I was sort of unnerved. I ignored the knock; he knocked again, then left. It felt sort of surreal, especially after my night of horrors.

I still feel surreal. I don't like this, but am not sure what this is. This mood, this place. I want to go back to sleep soon and I'm kinda hoping against hope I feel normal tomorrow and can do normal things. I also hate that I keep not writing... it's always the first thing to go but it's also so bad for my mental health to not be creative. It would be nice if tomorrow I could write more of the Daria fic since that's the one I care about most and think would be the most fun. I'm sort of intimidated by it, too, though, ngl, and I feel like I need to get over that hurdle first and foremost: stop thinking of it as something scary and more as something enjoyable, something immersive like a daydream, which is always what I intended it to be.

[100493503004422]

lol i just got scheduled through my therapist for a meeting with a psych to start treatment for anxiety, i am so nervous for it but seeing your post just now made me so excited. thinking about feeling less like this kinda surreal ngl

I don't want to give you unrealistic expectations, it might take a while to find something the right thing. I was on an ok not great med for almost a whole year bc I got so burned out of the side effects of switching meds, and my psychiatrist at the time was unbelievably unsympathetic and unhelpful. I almost gave up entirely. but from the place I am now, on better meds and with a much better psychiatrist, they've made such a difference. best of luck

[cyphyree]

Now that you've finished utena and it's movies, what was your favorite part? Did you think the movie was a sequel? A retelling? Something else? Some scenes in utena are gonna stick w me till I'm in the dirt n id love to know if you had any like that :33

--

Omgosh!!!! This series 😭😭😭💖 ok bear with me im gonna have a LOT to say affgugyyythh endgame spoilers for Revolutionary Girl Utena the show and movie below

--

Fave parts of the show (in no particular order)

The third transformation scene when Anthy and Utena go to the arena together, badass, just one of the sequences ever

Utena's dorky lil stretches <3

The poisoned tea and biscuit scene

Badminton with Utena, Jury and Miki, along with Nanami ;_;

Miki's stopwatch. Still parsing out what it means but the animation and soundwork is so satisfying

The entire final act of the last episode wrecked me

Wakaba being there for Utena to help her snap out of her depression

Subsequent Utena vs Wakaba battle that breaks my heart into itty bitty pieces

The exploration of Utena's identity, and how she matured from "pretending to be a prince and the misconceptions of what that meant" to ultimately "being a prince"

Jury's backstory with Shiori and how it was visualized

Fave parts of the movie (in no particular order)

SHORT HAIR UTENA!! IN HER LIL BERET!!

The architecture of Ohtori is so cool

Love the opening sequence, especially when it pans up abruptly to the scene with Utena and her prince in silhouette

THEY KISS.

The partner drawing session

The dance <3

Chasing Anthy through the weird corridors of Ohtori after Jury's Duel

The farewell between Utena and Touga (how did they make me like Touga and Utena's relationship)

When they escape together from the maw of the castle in an explosion of roses, and the Shadow Girls guiding them and cheering them on turned out to be Utena and Anthy themselves!

THEY KISS!! AGAIN!!!!!

I actually love how obtuse and playful and surreal the series is, but in a way that's very intentional and gives you all the puzzle pieces to put together what's happening. After finishing the show I felt like I knew what it was about because the themes were so well visualized…… and then I watched one (1) youtube analysis video that made me realize that my understanding has barely scratched the surface of ANything lol. I was kinda embarrassed about it ngl, but I guess RGU is just one of those shows that do require multiple watches. I really, really do love how it's got multiple layers. I'd be happy if I could create a story that's half as clever and nuanced.

The movie was such an unexpected banger. I was told by a friend beforehand that the movie was a retelling+sequel hybrid. After watching it, to me it feels like an alternate version of the story that runs parallel to the one in the anime. Like…… a metaphor for the intention of the show, does that even make sense? I don't think the events or characters themselves are necessarily "canon" in a literal sense, but the philosophies and underlying character motivations are. I definitely see why everyone's like "oh the movie will clear up the themes of the show!! It's great!!" and I love how it clarifies the show by being 250% weirder LMFAO.

I also thought that the absurdity of "your girlfriend turns into a freakin car you drive towards freedom" was going to take me out of it, and it did at first. I was mostly scared for Utena because um that was a scary process, but tbh for the entire ending I had this huge smile on my face. And it was emotional for me even though it's ridiculous!! And that's because it's emotionally resonant!! And it metaphorically confirms for me that, even though Utena was in despair in the last moments we see her in the show, the endings of both the show and movie are ultimately fulfilling and---dare I say?---happy! Because both of them were wrung through the crucible that tore apart their identities, and they ultimately learned and grew, despite how hard and painful it was!

I'm also just so, so, so glad how lgbtq+ the characters and narrative are, and how neither show nor movie shied away from it (I was nervous that the movie was going to retroactively step back, but no, they made it GAYER). And plus how.... tactful and considerate they were when dealing with and visualizing heavier themes. Even the movie was very frank and intentional when portraying nudity. I appreciate that a lot.

What a masterful show. It's going to haunt me forever probably :)