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sevenseasofbangtan · 4 years

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BTS REACTION — HOW YOU MET (IDOL VERSION)

Summary: Idol!BTS meet Foreigner!Reader

Warnings: None, except maybe light cursing, reference to a car crash and mentions of alcohol being consumed.

Note: In these scenarios, all members are fluent in English (or they can at least hold a good conversation). I tried to keep all the scenarios gender-neutral, although I had a specific vision in mind for Hoseok’s and Jungkook’s one, which involved a girl. If anyone wants me to write new scenarios or to rewrite these ones in a gender-neutral form, feel free to let me know.

KIM SEOKJIN (JIN)

It was a rainy day and clouds were filling the sky, hiding any trace of sunlight. As you walked through the streets of Seoul with your friend, an umbrella in one hand, you listed different possible activities you could spend your free time on. You both had just arrived in Seoul and although you hadn’t seen much yet, you had already fallen in love with South Korea’s capital.

Seokjin had a few days off from promotion, glad to get a short break from his hectic schedule. Even though he loved his job to no end, he sometimes needed some time off to himself, so he could go back to work feeling more inspired and relaxed than ever.

He had recently opened a restaurant with his brother and had decided to go lend a hand to the staff, seeing as someone couldn’t make it to work that day. He knew this was far from the stress-free day he had envisioned for himself, but there were two reasons why he felt compelled to head to the restaurant as soon as he woke up that morning, the first one being that he was one of the directors of said restaurant and that it only seemed natural that he visited and helped around from time to time, the second being that he was a generally very caring being and that refusing the request would simply be choosing to go against his core values.

Both your friend and yourself hadn’t yet thought of an appropriate way to keep yourselves occupied, but all you knew was that you were beginning to get quite hungry, your stomach grumbling every once in a while. You didn’t want to disrupt the course of your friend’s thoughts, but you thought it might be relevant to bring up the idea of stopping by a small restaurant to take a bite. As soon as you voiced your suggestion, her face lit up, and with a mysterious and excited tone, she declared, “Oh, I know a place where we could eat!” You agreed with a shrug, thinking to yourself that any restaurant would do at this point.

You walked in the streets for a good twenty minutes before finally reaching your destination, your friend becoming more and more excited with each step, but categorically refusing to tell you why. You entered the friendly-looking restaurant, analyzing your surroundings. On the outside, it looked as any other Japanese-style restaurant, but the inside was harmoniously decorated, suggesting the owner had great taste in accessorizing and inside decoration. A few plants were randomly displayed throughout the restaurant and the wooden touches gave a warm feeling, in contrast with the overall modern style of the building.

As you sat down to your assigned table and began flipping through the pages of the menu, after having spent a good half-hour waiting in line and complaining to (y/f/n), she called out your name and finally decided to tell you what had been on her mind ever since she came up with the idea of stopping by this particular restaurant: “You know about BTS, right?” “Of course! Who doesn’t?” “Well this place just happens to be owned by Jin and his brother!” You chuckled and commented, “Well now I get why you were so excited all of a sudden and why we had to waste thirty minutes of our precious time waiting in line! It’s certainly what’s causing all the hype surrounding this restaurant... This food better be worth the wait though!”

After having spent an overall total of forty five minutes waiting, the food finally came. You furrowed your brows in confusion as you heard several people gasping in unison when the waiter arrived with the numerous plates of meat, vegetables and other side dishes you would be sharing with your friend. As you looked up, you nearly choked on the water in the glass you were drinking from, quickly identifying your waiter as Kim Seokjin, Jin from BTS himself.

Seokjin had finally decided to step out of the kitchen, unable to stand the heat of the crowded area anymore, and as he saw two physically distinct woman sitting at a table, he specifically requested to attend to that table, intrigued and interested in the unusual situation.

In an attempt to make a nice first impression and as to project a good image of his restaurant, he formally introduced himself, trying to remember all that Namjoon and his English teachers had taught him about the English language over the years: “Hello! Welcome to Ossu Seiromushi! My name is Seokjin and I will be your waiter for today. Is this your first time here?” “Yeah,” the both of you answered at the exact same time. He quickly exclaimed, “Oh this is great! I hope that you will enjoy our food and that you will want to come back here next time!”

As your meal went on, Seokjin periodically came back to check on you, way more often than a usual waiter would, trying to hold some sort of conversation as much as possible given the fact that some fans occasionally interrupted the discussion to interact with their idol, and you had to admit that despite the situation, you enjoyed yourself quite a lot and already planned on visiting again soon, as suggested by Seokjin himself. You also had to admit the food lived up to your expectations, much to friend and your waiter’s delight.

When it was finally time to leave and to carry on with your day, it was with a heavy heart that you left the cozy building filled with delicious smells, knowing you might not be met by your friendly waiter the next time you stopped by in the future.

As you left the restaurant and as he headed back to the kitchen, Seokjin made sure to inform his brother about his lovely encounter and to make sure he kept an eye out for the two charming foreigners next time they came back.

MIN YOONGI (SUGA)

After having spent almost a year without seeing his family, Yoongi was finally returning to Daegu, having a brief pause in his busy schedule. As soon as he entered the familiar building that used to be his own house, he was greeted by Geumjae, his older brother, who had come over for the night knowing his younger brother was visiting, his dog, Holly, and the scent of his favourite dish, that his mom had so kindly decided to cook. Memories began flooding his mind and he couldn’t help but feel nostalgic about his past life, before he even though of becoming an idol. He was glad to have a break, even if it was only for a few days, so he could remember what being normal feels like, although he knew deep down he would never be seen as a ‘normal’ person anymore, even in his hometown. In fact, he was almost an heroic figure there, seeing as it almost seemed like a miracle that a young man from this small neighbourhood had succeeded in the international music stage.

You had arrived a while ago in Korea, settling down in a small apartment in Seoul. However, your desire of seeking new challenges and to explore the unknown led you to smaller cities, including your current location: Daegu. You had rented a hotel room nearby for a few days and had instantly fallen in love with the more modest buildings of the residential neighbourhoods and the flora of your surroundings, even though this town technically wasn’t half as impressive as South Korea’s biggest city, Seoul.

You had decided to go out and explore the city once the sun began to set, so the streets would be nearly empty and you’d be completely immersed into the peaceful atmosphere of the area. You aimlessly wandered around the town, stopping in a quiet park to sit down on the grass, staring at the sky.

Yoongi had dragged his brother out with him, still feeling the nostalgia from his childhood. He knew the only time he could come out of his house without getting noticed by locals was in the late evening, so he waited until it was pitch black outside to leave the familial residence. As soon as he stepped out, the light breeze surrounded him and the sound of silence rang in his ears, making him feel at home again. He carried a conversation with his older brother while walking on the sidewalk, the only lighting being provided by the small shops on the other side of the street, the lampposts lined along the sidewalk and the thousands of stars in the sky. Soon enough, the both of them reached the park where they had shared so much memories back when they were still children.

You got up from your spot on the fresh grass, beginning to walk again. At this point, you had to admit you were a little lost, after having mindlessly walked through the city for an hour or so. The once warm temperature had decreased, leaving you shivering through the thin fabric of your shirt and your partly exposed legs, and you could barely see where you were going as the sun had completely set.

You were so absorbed in trying to find your way back, that you had completely ignored your surroundings. You suddenly heard some noise directly coming from behind you, yelling in surprise. Your screams were answered by those of two manly voices. You looked up, meeting the eyes of two young men, seeming as surprised as you did. You quickly apologized, embarrassed from causing such a scene, but the boys assured you there was no harm done and you shouldn’t worry about such a thing.

Soon enough, you initiated a conversation with the two men you found out turned out being brothers. The oldest was named Geumjae, while the youngest, who seemed to be relatively close to your age, was named Yoongi, a name that sounded oddly familiar to your ears. Having nothing better to do, you sat back down in the grass, carrying on with your discussion. It was definitely close from midnight, but it didn’t seem to bother any of you. The boys were intrigued about what had brought you to their city in particular, seeing as you weren’t from the area, so you shared your story without neglecting a single detail, as the boys sitting in front of you questioned you from time to time, seemingly interested in your adventures.

After spending so much time outside, you could barely feel your arms anymore, your body not being able to keep you warm for much longer. You kept shivering and Yoongi soon noticed, offering you his hoodie, as the well-mannered man he was. After having made sure he didn’t mind, you gladly accepted his offer, the soft fabric warming up your skin at the very first contact.

Yoongi finally asked you where you were staying and as you answered, his brows knit in confusion. “But that’s at the other end of town... How long have you been walking?” he asked, staring at you. You shrugged, having lost track of time. “You’re really going to walk all the way back there?” he questioned you, seeming perplexed. You finally admitted being absolutely lost. At your confession, Yoongi suggested he and his brother gave you a ride back to your hotel. You felt terribly embarrassed at the thought of having to burden the kind strangers with your own issue, especially at such a late time in the evening, but you were also very tired and definitely couldn’t make it back to the hotel by yourself, so you gladly agreed, endlessly thanking the two brothers for their kindness.

About twenty minutes later, Yoongi dropped you off to the address you had given him. Before you left, he stopped you and stated, “You should keep my phone number as well as my brother’s in your phone. You never know what could happen and since you’re far from home, this might be useful. Don’t hesitate to let me know if you need anything. I might not always be available, but it might be worth the try anyway in case there’s a problem.”

With one last ‘thank you’, you exchanged your goodbyes and wished each other a great night, hoping you might get the opportunity to meet each other again in the near future.

JUNG HOSEOK (J-HOPE)

You had moved to Korea a few months ago to begin a student exchange program in university and you were definitely enjoying the new culture, as well as the new people you had met.

You did not expect to meet so many friendly individuals you had so much in common with and you had definitely become a more sociable person over the course of the past few weeks, much to your surprise.

You had met Dawon through mutual friends at a party and you were surprised at how well you both got along almost immediately. She was very warm and welcoming and her English was definitely above average, which made it easy to communicate, though you were also improving in Korean. You knew nearly from the start that she was Hoseok’s sister, but you never truly brought it up, well aware that she must hear about him and be compared to him more than enough as it is and there is no need to make matters worse.

Dawon’s parents were soon hosting a big gathering over at their house and Dawon had decided to invite her closer friends over, as well as her fiancé, since they were already expecting a large number of guests, and you felt incredibly blessed and honoured that she considered you as one of said close friends.

On the night of the house party, Dawon had texted you, claiming that one of the friends she had invited could not make it and that you were free to invite someone else to bring along. However, by the time you noticed her message, you were almost ready to leave and didn’t bother trying to reach anyone else.

Dawon, who was living in her own apartment, came to pick you up a bit early, as she had promised her parents to help set up the decoration and cook the different meals that would be served that night. As you got in the car, you noticed she was on the phone with someone and definitely seemed displeased: “What do you mean you’re not coming? I told you not to plan anything too time-consuming today so you’d be ready for the party! I already told my mom you three were coming! On top of that, Ga Young is sick and won’t be able to make it either...” The voice on the other side of the line replied, “I know, I’m truly sorry but I can’t make the cars in front of me go faster. I’ll do as best as I can, but don’t assume anything. If we can’t make it, have a great night and I’ll talk to you later!” Before Dawon could add anything, the other person you had recognized as Eun Hye hung up.

Dawon turned to you and said, “Sorry about that, I don’t want to ruin the mood or anything, but Eun Hye just called to tell me she, Soo Ah and Ye Rin got stuck in the traffic on their way back from I don’t know where, when I clearly told them not to plan anything today so they could come to the party and I already told my mom they were coming, but they’ll most likely not make it. Now you’re going to be the only friend of mine to come over...” She kept ranting, so you reassured her, “Hey it’s okay. It’s definitely not your fault and I don’t mind staying with you and your fiancé all night. I don’t think your mom will mind having a few less people to cater to tonight either...” “Thanks (y/n), you’re way too kind,” she answered. You smiled back at her and loudly declared, “Now let’s go get your fiancé so we can make it to the party on time!”

You soon left the city and reached the nice suburbs of Gwangju, where you were greeted by Dawon’s parents who excitedly welcomed all of you, glad to see their daughter and her lovely fiancé, and intrigued by the foreigner they both had brought along. You were scared of their reactions to your obvious cultural difference, but you were pleasantly surprised by the fact that they were very kind and interested in knowing about you.

Dawon dragged you inside, where you were met by a very familiar face, which left you speechless as Dawon exclaimed, “What are you doing here? Weren’t you on tour?” He frowned in confusion, replying, “What are you talking about? I told you I was coming back on the 5th.” “Oh I thought I had heard the 15th, my bad,” Dawon stated, chuckling. She then ran to hug her brother tightly. They were definitely a close pair. “Hoseok, this is my friend (y/n). You better be nice to her because all our other friends ditched us for the night and she doesn’t know anyone here but myself and my fiancé. By the way, just saying ... she’s single,” Dawon introduced you to her sibling with a playful tone. She then turned to you, saying, “(y/n) you probably already know my brother, but nonetheless, this is Hoseok.” You bowed to her brother and he did the same, the both of you smiling a bit awkwardly at Dawon’s introductions.

You all went on to assist their parents before the guests began arriving. Throughout the night, the four of you stayed together in a peaceful corner of the backyard, as Dawon stated she “would rather avoid the intrusive aunts and uncles constantly asking her about her private life”, to which Hoseok agreed.

You all discussed your latest stories and experiences, often having a good laugh at each other’s expense. The wine and soju you had all drunk surely helped loosening everyone up and making everything sound funnier than it really should be. Hoseok was very sweet, charismatic and down to earth, and it might’ve been the alcohol speaking, but you couldn’t help thinking to yourself that he definitely was very attractive. You thought it had been easy becoming friends with Dawon, but befriending Hoseok had proven being even easier. There was something about him that was so strongly compelling.

As the party came to an end and Dawon’s fiancé drove you all back to her place, she poked your shoulder, still a bit tipsy, commenting, “You know ... My brother really seemed to like you.” You turned to her and told her to stop saying such nonsense, but she continued: “N—No I’m not even kidding! Haven’t you noticed how he kept staring at you ever since you stepped foot in the house, how he laughed a bit more at your jokes than anyone else’s—“ “That’s because my jokes are funnier than yours and he knows that. And he was staring at me because I’m obviously very different from all of you guys,” you interrupted her. “Shhh — don’t interrupt me. He always filled your wine glass first and he kept leaning towards you. I know my brother, I know he’s not like that with just anyone,” she finished. You rolled your eyes and replied, “Dawon, I think you’re tired, just go to sleep and I’ll wake you up once we get to your apartment.”

She ignored your comment and before you could even react, she reached for your phone and unlocked it, already knowing your password by heart, and typed something in. She gave you your phone back and declared, “Here’s his number, since you seemed to be just as interested as he was.” You did not dare say anything, as you knew Dawon would not take any argument if you tried to prove her wrong. Were you being this obvious? As if she read your mind, she carried on, “You were way too smiley and giggly for your usual self, even when drinking. You should give him a chance, he can be a pretty nice guy sometimes even if he often purposely annoys the hell out of me. Anyway, when’s the last time you’ve been on a date?” “Hey don’t be so mean! I’m waiting for the right person, alright?” you affirmed in a jokingly offended tone. She laughed and claimed, “Well that right person might be my brother, who knows...”

Maybe Dawon was right, maybe you should give her brother a chance after all.

KIM NAMJOON (RM)

It was nearly midnight as you stared at the digital clock resting on your nightstand. After almost having spent a full hour tossing and turning in bed, you decided you had had enough and threw the blankets off your body, sitting up in the process. It had only been two days since you arrived in Seoul and you still hadn’t quite adjusted to the jet lag yet.

You threw on some very casual clothes and headed out the door, thinking some fresh air would do you good and maybe even help you fall asleep. You loved the fact that a lot of shops were open until very late, as you enjoyed the calm of the night. You abandoned the busy streets of Seoul’s most popular districts and soon reached the much more peaceful atmosphere of a mostly residential neighbourhood, taking advantage of the quietness that surrounded you. You had seen more than enough crowded places in the last two days and desperately needed a break from the obnoxiousness of the most famous landmarks.

You eventually spotted a small café on the other side of the road that seemed quite nice. As you entered the building, you were hit by the strong but pleasant smell of freshly ground coffee as well as the emptiness of the place, though that did not surprise you, considering that it was getting late.

You went through the list of possible selections on the wall behind the order counter and eventually settled for something simple as to not excite your brain more than it already was.

You stepped forward, greeted the lady in front of you and placed your order. As you were speaking you could clearly read on the woman’s face that she did not grasp a single word of what you were saying.

Although you had learnt some of the basics of the Korean language prior to your trip and that you were still studying the language to this day, you did not consider your skills good enough to have this kind of discussion, especially not at this time of the day, when your brain could barely function normally. Ever since the beginning of your trip, you had managed to avoid speaking Korean to anyone, as there was always at least one person available who could speak in English. However, as you looked around, you soon realized that it was only you and the barista, and that you had no choice but to find a way to communicate with her.

As you were reaching through your pockets to grab your phone in order to write down what you wanted to say on a translation app, you heard a manly voice behind you, making you jump slightly, “Excuse me, do you need help?” You turned around and had to do a double take. There was no way this man standing behind you could be Kim Namjoon, or was there? You decided to keep quiet and not bring this question up just yet. After having frozen for a few seconds while you processed your thoughts, you finally answered, “Ummm, actually, yes I do. I’d like to order something, but the employee only speaks Korean and I don’t master the language enough to hold this conversation.” He smiled sweetly and nodded, questioning you about your order.

Once you told him everything there was to know, he stepped forward and began discussing with the barista, who also seemed shocked by the man’s presence, ordering for the both of you.

“How much was it?” you immediately asked as he finished ordering and paying. He looked at you and smiled once again, declaring, “It’s free. I’m paying for you. Take it as a gift.” You quickly shook your head, arguing, “Oh no, I can’t accept that! You had to go through the trouble of ordering for both yourself and myself. If anything, I should be the one paying for the both of us.” He chuckled and replied, “This is non-negotiable. No matter what you say, I won’t change my answer. If you really want to make it up to me, why don’t you just keep me company while I drink my coffee? I’d sure love to chat if you want to. Get my mind off things, forget about my stressful day, you know?” “As long as you don’t have bad intentions, I’ll gladly accept this offer,” you playfully said, making him laugh.

You both found a clean table at the back of the room and sat down with your orders, chatting about anything and everything. At one point, you couldn’t help but ask him: “Is there a possibility that I’ve seen you somewhere before?” “There is, actually. My name is Kim Namjoon—“ “From BTS, right?” He nodded, as you continued, “Wow, I just want to say that I really enjoy listening to your music and that all of you guys are amazing artists!” He smiled shyly at your compliment, still not used to receiving such positive feedback from anyone, even after all this time, and then thanked you for your kind words.

As you had both finished your drinks and as you started to feel sleepiness weighing heavy on your shoulders, you decided to call it a night and head back to where you came from. However, right before leaving, Namjoon stopped you, cleared his throat and said, “Hey, um. I could give you my number, you know... just in case you ever need anything, or if you ever wanna chat again.” You nodded, answering, “Yeah, that would be nice...” And so you both exchanged your phone numbers before leaving.

As he watched you exit in front of him, Namjoon had a feeling he would be dialling that number soon enough.

PARK JIMIN (JIMIN)

You had just landed in Seoul no more than two hours ago, accompanied by your close friend. As soon as the luggage pickup and the customs were out of the way, the two of you headed off to retrieve your rented car from the car rental company located right outside of the airport, at a three minutes distance in the shuttle bus.

After nearly waiting for an hour in line, the both of you trading places between standing in line and a nearby seat every ten minutes, you were finally done signing the contract papers and had finally gotten a hold of the car keys that would belong to you for the next month.

A kind employee directed you towards the right car and then helped you pack your luggage into its trunk and backseat as necessary, before leaving the both of you by yourselves with this unfamiliar vehicle. You settled yourself in the driver’s seat, in common agreement with your friend, and began discovering and adjusting to its features.

It had been a long time since you both had last gotten any sleep and the darkness settling outside did not help at all. As you drove out of the car rental garage, you immediately noticed the heavy rain pouring from the evening sky, sighing deeply. Then, you were hit with the sight of the immensely dense trafic of the very populated city of Seoul, groaning in annoyance. Nothing seemed to be in your favour at this instant and you were quickly regretting your decision of taking the wheel in these conditions.

You had slowly gotten adjusted to driving and were slowly making your way towards the hotel where you had booked a room for the next few days in order to finally get some rest.

You reached an extremely crowded intersection and tried to pay attention to all of the surrounding cars as you turned around the street corner. However, you forgot to switch your focus back towards the front of your car quickly enough and suddenly —

BANG

Your car suddenly hit the one right in front of yours, making you and your friend scream in shock at the unexpected impact.

BTS were on their way back to their shared dorms after having performed on a music show. All of them were exhausted as it was getting late and they had been up since the early hours of the morning. As they sat at the back of the van, some fell asleep, some stared at the window and some kept chatting despite their low energy level. A sudden impact startled the passengers of the van as the driver let out a string of curses under his breath. Thankfully, the collision was not strong enough to cause any significant harm to anyone, but they definitely knew that the car would not be left intact.

You sighed, hiding your face behind your hands before brushing your hair back in despair. This was definitely not the most ideal way to start off your vacation and you were surely not planning on spending an important sum of money in car repair for a vehicle you had just gotten not even an hour ago as well as paying for the damage occasioned to the other driver’s car.

As you got out of the car and noticed the consequences, you couldn’t help the “Oh crap” that escaped your mouth. Soon after, the other driver also came out to inspect the damages. After eyeing the back of the van for a good fifteen seconds, he turned around to face you, angrily muttering in Korean, as you stood still, staring at him in confusion. Noticing you did not understand a word of what he was saying, he resolved in going back to the van to request an English speaking person as to discuss the incident with the foreigners who had bumped into their vehicle.

You had no idea what was going on and why the driver left you standing there without any explanation. Soon, you found yourself crying from anticipation, feeling a wave of panic overtake you, which was definitely uncharacteristic of your usually composed self. When all of this would be over, you would surely blame it on the lack of sleep, the stress occasioned by travelling and the jet lag. Your friend walked over to you, resting a soft hand on your shoulder in reassurance and questioning why you were in tears, but all you could manage to do was to gesture at your car and the van. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you did not notice the men coming out of the car.

BTS all sat in the van, curious as to what was taking so long. The driver soon came back and requested the only English speaking manager to come out, as the other individuals involved in the situation did not seem to speak much Korean. Said manager then turned to Namjoon and asked him to join him, as he wasn’t fully confident of his own English skills. Taehyung had fallen asleep on Jimin, who was beginning to feel restless and slightly bored. He decided to follow the two other men out of the car, despite the orders he had received to stay seated.

Namjoon approached you and your friend, firstly asking if you could speak English. The both of you nodded, encouraging Namjoon to continue. Your vision was still blurred from the tears and you were frightened by the situation, so you barely noticed the shocked look on your friend’s face and the three men standing in front of you. The manager began speaking, but didn’t know how to finish his sentence, so Namjoon took over once again: “Would you mind telling us what happened?” Your friend immediately responded, seeing you weren’t exactly in a right state to speak much, explaining the full situation in details to the good-looking man in front of her.

Jimin had always been extremely empathetic, a trait that would sometimes betray him, as he would excuse people that did not deserve forgiveness or as some took advantage of him. However, as he listened to your friend’s story and saw you standing on the side with tears pooling in your eyes, he couldn’t help feeling the need to walk over to you and try to comfort you as best as he could.

You felt someone resting their hand on the side of your arm, so you looked up from the ground, freezing as you finally realized who the men standing in front of you were. Jimin smiled softly, asking if you were feeling okay. As you shook your head and once again motioned at the two vehicles, he spoke up again: “Don’t worry about it too much, it happens to everyone... My friend, Jeongguk, could definitely tell you something about it.” He chuckled, then carried on, “Seriously though, we can definitely afford the repairs that need to be done to the two cars. Don’t worry about it, we’ll take care of that so you can peacefully enjoy your vacation.” You quickly shook your head, embarrassed at the thought of them paying for your own mistake, but Jimin was having none of it and dragged you back to where the others were standing, suggesting his idea to the two other men.

The manager refused, saying he was being too kind, as you were still the one who had caused the accident. Jimin did not give up and quickly thought of a seemingly fairer deal: “What about we pay for our own car and they pay for theirs? I can handle the cost for the van without a doubt.” The manager still felt sorry for you, and easily agreed to the offer.

You gratefully thanked Namjoon, Jimin and their manager, as Jimin walked back to you. “Please open your phone and give it to me.” You did as told, not knowing what to expect. Jimin seemed to be writing something down, and as he gave it back to you, you realized it was a phone number. He glanced at your slightly confused face and claimed, “Here. In case you ever need anything, you can call me, alright?” You thanked him and you both exchanged one last smile before parting ways.

As you sat back in your car, your friend turned to you and asked, “What was THAT?!” To which you replied, “You sure we’re not asleep and dreaming?” It came out as a joke, but you truly felt as though you were in some kind of dream or unconscious state since the situation felt so unreal.

You finally drove to your initial destination, the hotel, and right before falling asleep, you stared at your phone screen, a fond smile on your face.

KIM TAEHYUNG (V)

BTS had just started filming a long awaited new season of Bon Voyage. In the past few days, they had learnt how to cook traditional foods, competed in an obstacle race against one another and flew over the area in an helicopter, trying to spot important features that were listed in a document that was handed out to them.

Today, they were yet again racing against each other, but this race was much different than the one they had previously done. They were being given a map of the city they were currently in and had to orient themselves without the help of electronic devices in order to get to a specific landmark before the others did, requesting help from locals if needed. The boys all started at an equal distance from the target, but they were all separated as to avoid some members following or helping out others, which would be considered as cheating.

Taehyung looked at the map in his hands, immediately drawing over what seemed to be the quickest path to take to reach the final goal from his starting point, then searching for the right street to head on. After walking for nearly ten minutes, Taehyung noticed that the road in front of him seemed to be going uphill on a long distance. He decided he would find a new itinerary, as the one he was currently on would significantly slow him down because of its increased difficulty.

He walked for another twenty minutes, before he stopped to take a small break. He stared at the street signs, then back at his map with eyebrows knitted in confusion. It seemed he had been going the wrong way all along, despite him making sure to look out for the different streets and avenues that would lead him to the landmark. With a deep sigh, he decided he would not waste time trying to find his way back by himself and would instead resolve in asking a local for guidance.

You were getting out of a small shop, a water bottle and your phone in hand. You had planned on meeting a friend in a park at the other side of town and thought it would do you good to walk the whole distance instead of going by car or public transportation, a choice that you were deeply regretting as you felt overly thirsty and tired not even halfway towards the destination. You had forgotten to bring something to drink, so you resigned in buying a water bottle and then kept heading towards your destination.

Taehyung noticed you walking out of the store and thought that you looked nice. He walked over to you, hoping you could help direct him.

You felt someone gently tapping your shoulder, then an unknown voice said, “Excuse me, do you live around here?” Confused, you turned around and nodded at the stranger’s question. As your eyes met his, they widened in surprise. You thought you knew who these eyes belonged to, yet there was no way Kim Taehyung could be standing in front of you right this instant, or so you thought.

He smiled shyly, then continued, “Sorry to bother you... My friends and I are not from around here and we’re competing in some kind of race. I’ll spare you the details, but now I’m — kinda — lost. Could you maybe direct me the right way?” You kept your excitement to yourself, not wanting to bother him while he was on some kind of vacation, and simply asked where he was heading, so you could help him out.

As he showed you his map with a big red dot on the target location, you realized it was relatively close to where you were meeting your friend. “This is going to sound weird, but I’m heading approximately the same way, so if you want, I could walk with you and accompany you until you reach your goal, then head off to my own destination,” you suggested. You knew this was not exactly the most prudent decision, as you barely knew the person standing in front of you, at least, not personally, and he might as well have been a psychopath that was planning on abducting you, but there was something about his charming face and genuine smile that radiated trustworthiness, reliability and kindness and you couldn’t help trusting and assisting him. Too bad if you end up getting killed, at least you’ll have spent your last minutes with a handsome man. Besides, he had a cameraman with him, so what could truly go wrong?

Taehyung gladly agreed to your offer, before stating, “Well, since we’re going to spend the next minutes together, might as well introduce ourselves properly. I’m Taehyung. Nice to meet you!” His introduction sounded so simple that if you didn’t know any better, you would’ve never guessed he was part of the biggest boy group in the world. “Nice to meet you too Taehyung, I’m (y/n),” you replied with a smile, handing out your hand for him to shake.

You didn’t waste any more time and started walking towards Taehyung’s destination. However, the man did not seem to be in such a hurry as he was before. He was fascinated by everything your city had to offer, even in the smallest details, and he often stopped and pulled out his expensive camera to snap a picture of something he thought was worthy of being captured. You had to admit he really had an eye for that and seemed to take some amazing pictures that you could only hope to ever achieve. He was very interested in anything you had to tell him about your city’s history, attractions and current events, as well as stuff about yourself and your life. He was very attentive, yet revealed very little about himself. Maybe it was the fact that he was constantly in the public eye that made him that way, so you did not insist on asking him more personal questions.

As you reached Taehyung’s end goal, you both figured he was clearly not going to win the race, but he didn’t seem to mind at all. He wasn’t much of a competitive person. Before you left and he went to join his other members, he cut out a small piece of the map and took his pen out, scribbling something on the paper and handing it to you. It seemed to be his phone number.

“Thank you so much for your time and help, I promise I’ll repay you for that. Just think of anything you’d like and let me know. Have a nice rest of your day and hopefully we’ll speak again soon,” he claimed, walking away before you could argue that it was not necessary of him to repay you for anything.

You went on to meet your friend and had to explain your late arrival as they gave you a skeptic look, but believed you anyway in the end. As you got back home that night, you plugged Taehyung’s number in your phone, a wine glass in your hand. As you were about to press send on your text message, you thought to yourself that it was definitely worth giving it a try and that the worst that could happen was that you’d be left with a funny story to tell.

JEON JEONGGUK (JUNGKOOK)

You had recently gotten a job at a relatively famous club in your city through a friend who already worked there. You weren’t exactly the type one would imagine working in a club, but you were gradually getting used to the loud music, the drunk people stumbling around and the flirty individuals, who’ve had one too many drinks and who seem to forget about personal space. Not that you were complaining about it, but working a few nights in a row could be quite exhausting and you definitely enjoyed your days off even more than you used to.

It was Friday night, which was already a busy night to begin with. However, at some point, you could definitely feel the crowd getting bigger than you had expected and the atmosphere being filled with an unusual level of excitement, which had you wondering what could be happening that had gotten people so thrilled.

It wasn’t a rare occurrence that celebrities would come and visit the club, but there had never been so much enthusiasm linked to it. Although you were curious as to what was happening, you couldn’t leave your spot behind the bar unoccupied, so you kept your curiosity to yourself and kept doing what you were supposed to do and what you had been doing all night: serving drinks.

It had been about an hour since the crowd’s intensity had reached a new high when two young men came to sit on the bar stools right in front of you. As you turned to face them, you immediately recognized Jimin and Jungkook from BTS, and god were they even more gorgeous in real life than you could ever have imagined! You thought to yourself that this must be the reason why clients had been so excited all night. Feeling slightly intimidated by their presence, you minded your own business, waiting for one of them to speak to you first.

After a few awkward seconds that seemed to last for hours, Jungkook turned to you, grinned and said, “E–Excuse me miss! Y–You really have n–nice hair!” He then turned to face Jimin, who was giggling uncontrollably at his friend’s behaviour. They were both very clearly drunk. You nodded and smiled, murmuring a quiet ‘thank you’, hoping the dark lighting would cover the fact that you were extremely flustered at his words. Drunk or not, Jeon Jungkook had just complimented you.

Turning back towards you, Jungkook carried on, “Can I pleaseee have um... maekju?” “I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Jimin quickly corrected his friend: “Beer. He wanted to say beer. I want one too please.” You nodded and left to go and get the beverages, confirming that this was what they wanted as you came back.

Before giving them their orders, you jokingly claimed, “Just because you complimented me, doesn’t mean that you’ll have this drink for free!” Jungkook exaggeratedly gasped in a silly manner and replied, “Oh noooo! Why?” You rolled your eyes, although your smile clearly gave away your amusement. “Because that’s not how it works, sir.” “You can call me J–Jungkook and... and this is my friend Jimin! And Jinnie-hyung, Namjoonie-hyung, Hoseokie-hyung, Yoongi-hyung and Tae are somewhere else. It’s Yoongi-hyung’s fault if I’m like that now! He gave me all these drinks Ma’am!” You almost felt as if you were talking to a child and you couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of it. “What’s your name, Miss?” “(y/n).” “Lovely (y/n),” Jungkook drunkenly mumbled.

It seemed as though the two friends were not there to party, since they spent half an hour discussing with you and drinking a few beers. Jungkook suddenly stopped you mid-sentence, asking, “M–Miss! I want your uh... phone number!” As soon as he finished speaking, he reached for his phone, handing it to you. “You need to put in your password so I can have access to it,” you stated. He quickly grabbed his phone back, unlocked it, and shoved it back in your face. You plugged your number in and gave the phone back to him, as he asked for your phone so he could give you his own number. He then insisted on giving it a try, to verify that all was working well.

After a while, you could see Jungkook dozing off on the counter in front of you, his excitement slowly being replaced by sleepiness. Jimin asked you if you could keep an eye on his friend, so he could go and gather his other friends, to which you gladly agreed. He soon came back with the other members of BTS who introduced themselves to you, all chuckling at Jungkook’s sleeping form on the counter.

You delicately patted his head to wake him up, so he could join his friends. He smiled up at you, then awkwardly hid his face back into his hands once he became aware of his surroundings and noticed his band mates staring at him.

When the time came for BTS to leave the club, Jungkook decided to pay for all of his friends, giving you definitely much more money than needed, adding, “Extra tip for an extra-nice barmaid!”

The next morning as you woke up, you tried texting Jungkook:

“Hey! It’s (y/n), the barmaid from yesterday night, in case you don’t remember. You seemed pretty drunk... How are you feeling this morning?”

You laughed at the short answer you received from his end:

“Sick :(“

You were glad he at least remembered you despite the drunken state in which he had met you. This seemed like the beginning of a pleasant and exciting friendship, and you couldn’t wait to see where this would lead you.

Author’s Note: Hi! I used to be excusemiihatesnakeu, but I recently changed my username. I haven’t written on this blog for a long while, despite having promised to come back with some content soon after having posted my first reaction. Truth is, not only have I been extremely busy with school, work, relationships, social life, etc. but it also takes me forever to write anything because I keep doubting my writing and lacking inspiration, which deeply discourages me of even trying to write anything to begin with. Despite still being extremely busy, I will challenge myself to write more, as it is somehow calming and freeing for me, and I will try my best to post more content in the near future, but please be patient with me, I swear I’m trying my best! By the way, sorry about the excessively long scenarios (and the uneven, varying length of those scenarios between the different members), I seriously cannot stop myself from writing once I begin. I’ve literally spent hours on this and I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind (lmao)! If you have any thoughts or (constructive) criticism that you would like to share, please do so in the comments or in my ask box (in which you can also request content). Thanks for reading my work and I hope you’ve enjoyed doing so! If you’ve read up to here, you clearly deserve an award! :)

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radramblog · 3 years

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Album Discussion: The Suburbs

Last week I felt like I didn’t have much time to pump an album review out. Was going to be in the lab all day, had work in the night, wanted to cover something quick. Then I finished really early, and had plenty of time in the afternoon to finish things off. This week I am in the same situation as far as scheduling, but someone’s bloody using equipment I need, so I’ve got a bit of extra time now. Time to talk about a >1hr 16 track record!

Also last week, I covered an album that I felt was more interesting from a meta level than it is musically. This week I’m talking about an album that I know nothing of the meta for.

The Suburbs I was reminded of recently. Mostly because I ran into the person who bought me the CD for the first time in like a year. I understand Arcade Fire have A Reputation as far as bands go, but the thing is: I have no idea what it is. I haven’t followed them at all, I don’t know whether they’re considered good or not, I haven’t even seen any of the music videos. I have never deliberately listened to an Arcade Fire song outside of this album.

But I do like this album. So.

Okay the one thing I do know is what the album is about. It’s about growing up in the suburbs of…I think Texas somewhere. I could look this up, but I refuse. The result of this is that the whole thing is intensely nostalgic, full of reminiscence and wistfulness, childhood innocence and what growing up is like. It’s one of those, you know? That does, however, make it fairly easy to like, because I think a lot of people are nostalgic for their childhoods.

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(yeah so the only music videos for this one are at the very start and very end. this is going to be a bit of a wall of words.)

This is characterised by the opening track, which is also the album’s title track: The Suburbs. It’s opening with a very folksy acoustic guitar and piano, and longing for that childhood is its modus operandi. It is, however, tinged by the anxieties of that era- growing up in the shadow of the cold war is going to leave an impact on anyone, and that cultural climate is also going to be running through the album. I think the most poignant section of the song lyrically is the start of the third verse- wishing to become a parent, so they can live vicariously through their child, show them their childhood world before the reality and the memory are completely lost. Okay that’s kinda heavy moving on- the track is pretty much built around that piano/acoustic bit, sounding relatively upbeat but coloured by these lonesome strings running through the background. It’s very effective of conveying the feeling- which is something that comes up quite a bit over the course of the album. The Suburbs is one of my favourite tracks on this album, and having it come right at the front makes it a very solid stage-setter.

Track two is Ready to Start, a faster, rockier track with this grimy bassline running through the verses contrasting the relatively bright instrumentation of the chorus. Considering the themes of the song, about working for the man, dude, and trying to escape that sort of life, it’s fairly fitting, though it’s a very different sort of nostalgia than the previous track. The instrumentation gives the whole thing this sense urgency, which is enhanced by some of the lyrics- I mean the track is called Ready to Start, isn’t it. I feel like this song would be great to try and hype yourself up for something you don’t really want to do, and I’m not sure how many songs we have specifically for that feeling.

Our next song is called Modern Man, and it feels like tumbling through a confusing life. God, I’m really getting pensive today. I feel like this is a lot because this album resonates a lot more emotionally for me than musically. I’m someone with a very weird sense of nostalgia, seeing as my childhood is pretty effectively defined into three segments, and I tend to fixate on one of them because it’s The Weird One. I’m nostalgic for high school which is when I was nostalgic for living abroad which is when I was nostalgic for when I still lived in Perth, which I do now, but I don’t know anyone from back then, so there’s a whole sense of longing, and it’s something I’ve always had, and that’s funky. And I’m still young, this isn’t going to change, it’s going to get worse, and eghhhh I’m supposed to be talking about music. I don’t really have much to say about Modern Man, I guess. It’s aight, the previous two were better, but here I am 800 words into an album discussion, and I’ve gone through all of 3 songs on a 16 track album, so maybe expect this to be a slog.

Rococo at least makes an impact real quick, with fuckin psychotic strings right at the start that’s kind of a shock to the system, especially compared to the relatively mild instrumentation the rest of the song provides. I think that’s a fairly appropriate tone for a song about looking at #thecoolkids, bemusement tinged with utter stark bewilderment. I think I’m too young to really get this, I guess. The song’s title regards an art movement that sounds extremely pretentious and fake deep, frankly, but considering the point of the song is that you don’t bloody know what Rococo means, that’s probably also fitting. I kinda wish the strings were more present throughout the song than they were, they add this existential dread to the track that I do think the later sections are missing somewhat.

Speaking of strings, Empty Room is up next, and it’s one of my favourite tracks as well. It opens with the strings but they’re fast and energetic and they’re going to blow right past you. I thought this track was in like the second half of the album, but nope, here it is. This is also where the album’s second vocalist takes the lead for a bit (she only does for like 3 scattered tracks) and she’s genuinely great here. The songs chugs like an old train, in a way that reminds me a lot of other songs; in particular, the bit between the chorus and second verse (and chorus/outro) reminds me a lot of Teach me About Dying by Holy Holy- I can’t unhear “teach me about dying, teach me about dying-dying” over that instrumental. Despite its desolate lyricism, this song’s energy is genuinely excellent, and it carries really well through the whole thing. I can’t think of a lot of songs that start on this sort of tempo and have it run the whole way through- not to keep referencing other songs, but it’s very Go with the Flow by Queens of the Stone Age. And that’s like in the top 3 QotSA songs for me, so.

It’s only just struck me how much track 6, City With no Children, reminds me of There There by Radiohead. Its mostly the percussion, I think. That’s fucking high praise, but it’s also about as far as the comparison goes. The song is pretty okay outside of that, this theme of a town left lifeless by the commercialism and capitalism of the ultra-rich and what that does to people. Maybe that’s just my reading of it, I do have a bias for this sort of thing, but I challenge you to find another one. Looking on Genius is cheating. I do like the riff the track is built around, but it gets old eventually, since it doesn’t develop at all as the track progresses- lost potential, I suppose.

The next song is the first part of the album’s first of two two-parters, Half Light I, because apparently this one is trying to be a long-running drama show now. With that said, this ballad is kinda gorgeous, and yet also kinda extremely boring? Which is a frustrating place to be, frankly. I get the feeling this is an opinion that would get me crucified, but aside from those strings what fuck, the song just isn’t doing anything for me. Maybe it’s because it’s kinda almost the halfway point and I’m just getting tired, maybe it’s just a generational and cultural divide between America/Australia and 90s-00s/00s-10s and I don’t Get It. But I’m afraid to say this one doesn’t land.

Half Light II (No Celebration), for the record, is one I enjoy much more. The instrumentation is a lot more fun, the tone is a lot more pained (and y’all know I love me some angst), as the rose-tinted lenses of the previous half are replaced by the jade of someone growing up through the GFC (and just, in general). Despite being a two-part song, the halves are very different, a deliberate dichotomy representing two facets of that same look backwards. I feel like this isn’t like other two-part songs I’ve heard before, in that you can kinda appreciate the halves separately- or, in my case, one and not the other.

Track 9, and welcome more officially to the Second Half, with Suburban War. It’s very much about reminiscing about old friends, and I think I’m going to wax personal for a bit, because I have very little to say about the song musically. I mentioned earlier that I basically don’t know anyone from back when I was a kid, and that’s kind of a product of what my childhood looked like. It’s hard to have a “childhood friend” that you still keep up with when you spend 5 extremely crucial, defining years somewhere away from where all of them are. When you leave at 7 years old and don’t come back until you’re almost a teenager. People change so quickly at that age, and I’m no exception, and so I just didn’t have the ability to relate to those same people that long afterwards, even if I could find them. I don’t resent the experience of growing up in such a fractured manner, but it means I have a fundamentally different experience to that discussed in this album. At the same time, as I listen to the closing moments of this song, with the line repeated, “All my old friends, they don’t know me now”, I can’t help but notice the similarity. The writer’s friends don’t know them because they’ve grown up, changed fundamentally as people, whereas I don’t know my old friends in a much more literal sense.

Our next song is a bit more fun. Month of May is unequivocally a rock song, as opposed to the..indie? folk? of most of its surrounds. Much like Empty Room, it’s driven by its tempo and instrumentation, but it’s a bit less dour than that one, almost a bit oldie in its rock and roll swagger. The song isn’t so utterly different that it wouldn’t fit on the album, the traces of The Suburbs still roll through the whole thing, the same guitar and percussion tones driven up a couple notches on the ol’ Mohs scale. Quite solid, ultimately, in my opinion.

Track 11 is Wasted Hours. I think it’s a kind of appropriate title, not because it’s a waste of time, but because it just kinda feels like a nothing song as part of the album. Like, it is unquestionably Part Of The Album, sonically and thematically, but I deadass would not notice if it was missing from the record. Sorry if this one is your favourite, but this one isn’t for me.

Deep Blue, on the other hand, is the song that got me into the album. There’s really something about this track, this sense of discomfort with the passage of time, that really wormed its way into me. It’s a shockingly cold song for this acoustic instrumentation that’s usually associated with quite the opposite. The piano feels desperate, the guitars grim, and there’s actual synths hiding in here- the song relates to technology, after all. It’s concern for the future of humanity, of the youth, and for, well, the Suburbs, through the lens of watching that match between chess Grandmaster Kasparov and the A.I. Deep Blue in 1996. Go watch the Down the Rabbit Hole on that if you haven’t already (and have a few hours), by the way, it’s utterly excellent.

I can’t really describe how Deep Blue makes me feel. There’s just something about it. I feel like if I hear this song again in 10 years, it would genuinely bring me to tears- it feels like loss in a way, and not the meme.

We Used to Wait has a fun instrumentation, glittery piano and that funky guitar noodling in the background, but unfortunately the chorus kinda lets it down for me. I just do not care for it, it’s really built on a vocal line that really doesn’t track for me personally. Like, I’m just young enough that a lot of the theme of the track is utterly unrelatable to me- I hail from an era that is post- the change the track is referring to. I’m focussing a lot this time around about how the songs make me feel personally, but I think that’s kind of the appropriate tack for this album in particular- like the idea of nostalgic reminiscence is so inexorably tied to your own personal experiences that there’s no way around those experiences clouding your perception of this album, and with that, how well you end up liking it. I bet this whole thing hits way harder for someone born in the same couple years as this band.

We’re up to the second two-parter, Sprawl I (Flatland), kind of the finale for the whole thing. I mean, in I’s case, it’s certainly that emotionally. The song is so utterly down, it’s lost in the urban sprawl the title and lyrics describe, and with that comes a very quiet track. Moody strings and guitar, that eventually build during the fourth verse (there is no chorus and they’re short). It does eventually resolve on a more positive note, at least, one that’s hopefully relatable to many of us- eventually, we find our emotional home is, and it’s often not where we grew up.

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Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) is quite the different perspective. It’s got that other lead vocalist (I could look up her name but I won’t), it’s got a pulsing beat, and it has much more energy to work with. There are synths on this track that are absent from almost the entire rest of the album, but their introduction here, right at the end, is extremely cool. They’re cool, they’re clear, and they’re thematically relevant! I just really like the vibe of this track, and the way it trails off is similarly very good. Would recommend.

But of course there is one final track. Kind of. The Suburbs (continued) is basically a dark reprise of the album’s opener, shaded with more regret than that track is, more strings-y and whispered. It’s very short, but it acts as an appropriate closer for the whole thing.

And of course, that’s The Suburbs. In retrospect, I have a bit more mixed thoughts about this than I thought. There’s some really high highs, and some things that are just kind of bleh, but any album of this length is bound to have some misses. While I was browsing Genius to make sure I had the lyrics right for some tracks, I saw this record described as a Masterpiece, but I’m not sure that shoe fits- at least, not for me. The personal nature of this album, and anyone’s theoretical relationship with it, are such that I don’t think it can be given such a broad, universal title. I like the album as a whole quite a bit, but I personally wouldn’t call it a masterpiece.

It also doesn’t inspire me to go after more Arcade Fire. I’m actually perfectly content having them in my mind as this solitary piece, complete in its own way. Oh, they have like four other albums, but to me, Arcade Fire is The Suburbs. I don’t know why I’ve decided this, but it just works for me. So I’m sorry to any massive AF fans, but I did just dedicated 2.7k words to this album, so I’m sure you’re all satisfied.

God, next time I am going to have to cover something shorter, for my own sanity if nothing else.

#ramble #music #arcade fire #the suburbs #indie

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #427

“don’t pray for me when you’re the one enslaved”

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? I wouldn't say anything, I'm pretty sure I'd just break down. Do you play video games? Not really anymore. :/ I probably would, though, if I had the appropriate consoles for games I want. You can only replay PS2 games but so many times before you're tired of them. Do you spend a lot of time with family? No, honestly. Is your house more than two stories tall? It only has one floor. Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? I'm not in a relationship, but I have most certainly never hit an s/o, and they've never hit me. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) I'm not. What color is your hairbrush/comb? White. What snacks do you have available in your household atm? Hm. Just some fruity grain and oats bars, as well as cashew ones. We try to keep sweets out of the house. Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? No. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Holy fuck yes, she's drop-dead gorgeous. Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? Ha, I'm sure. Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? Some random middle-aged man, like who are you sir. Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My dad. He can be so rude to people sometimes. When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? Not sure. It's been quite a while. Do you play any games on Facebook? No. What would you like to get a degree in? It'd be nice to get a degree in Arts, but yeah... I'm never going back to school. Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? Pretty much every night. Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? Play a video game. Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? Almost without fail. You've got to, it's part of the experience. What genre of films do you like the best? Horror. How many bank accounts do you have? None, actually. Have you ever had the flu? No, thankfully. What is your goal for the next few months? To start getting in shape/losing weight. I seriously hope this gym routine works out. Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? I have seveeeere sleep apnea. It's shocking, I never would've guessed it, though, so the diagnosis (I had a sleep study, so yes, it's legit) was an extreme surprise. I don't snore at all, nor do I like pass out in the middle of something, but I stop breathing A LOT. For a year or two (no, that is not an exaggeration), it caused consistent, horrible, and violent nightmares/terrors. It made sleep frightening to me, and I was never getting a truly restful sleep. Now, I have an APAP mask (like a less extreme version of a CPAP mask) that helps me greatly. I only very rarely am surprised by a more subtle nightmare now. Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. No, thankfully. What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for? Quality tattoos, for one. And maybe uhhh... idk. We're the kind of family that buys off-brand foods and drinks all the time because it's cheaper, so I can't say that. Maybe health care? Like I wouldn't want service from a sketchy dentist or something. Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. Charming and romantic. Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? No. You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? That's hard for me to say. She doesn't seem to like talking about her past very much, because I know it's turbulent with her mother. I would say her being disowned, but I don't know how that *actually* affected her. Maybe it was for the better she wasn't under her mom's authority anymore. Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? I guess my mom, but she's actually smaller than me now. She's lost a lot of weight and is still going at it. Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Not a house, but rather hay rides and those places you just walk through and experience different stuff. They don't scare me at all; I love 'em. Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? No. Which is worse: dusting or mopping? Ugh, mopping. I don't mind dusting. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? No. Did you pull a senior prank? No. That shit is so dumb. Did you graduate? High school, yes. Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? No, and I never would. What was the last song you listened to? I'm listening to Lauren Babic and Halocene's cover of "Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park right now. It's great. Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell no. Is fashion one of your interests? No. Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? Hell if I know. Do you care what people think? Way, way more than I should. Is acting something you enjoy? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I feel so stupid. What was the last thing you broke/sprained? I tore a ligament badly in my foot maybe a year and a half ago. I was SO sure it was broken. My mom had to help me walk everywhere, and even when she did, I'd be whimpering and seething. Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? No. Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. Whose house, other than yours and your families', are you most comfortable at? If we're excluding all family, I suppose Sara's? Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? Probably at some point as a kid. Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? I played a lot. The only two I really didn't like were soccer and cheerleading. Did you ever watch the show Full House? Hell yeah, I loved it as a kid. Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? Ha ha y'all know I joke about it, but no, not legitimately. It's not like I know him personally at all, and I'm not chasing him to California either. Just let me dream still lmao. Have you ever burned someone’s picture? No, but I've actually heard it's truly therapeutic and not just for dramatic effect, so I wouldn't be opposed to doing so if you handed me a picture of him and a lighter. What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? I've never hiked before. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? Uh, no. Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? Jason. Do your parents smoke cigarettes? My dad smokes like a chimney and is 100% going to end up with cancer because of it. You should hear his cough. Mom smoked for a very, very brief period before I was born. What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? "Equal in our bones" is on my favorite shirt. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Certain inverts people are wild enough to get, like giant African centipedes in particular. Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Can't say I care. do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times, it's too painful. It also depends on the era of the pictures. Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? Ha, no. We all have natural first impressions and things like that that just... happen. What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? Nothing, really... besides just childhood memories that inevitably came. My hometown was dangerous. What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during? I'm not sure. What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? I want to say Old Yeller, but I'm not sure. What’s your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden and The Cheesecake Factory. Is there a dessert you don’t like? Yeah; I don't like pie, strawberry shortcake, and I know there're others. Favorite album? Ozzy's Black Rain. It was my introduction to metal, so there's nostalgic value there, but I also just LOVE every single song. What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? None. I don't read books for that reason. Underwater or outer space? Both kinda frighten me to a degree, but I find outer space to be way cooler. So many colorrrrrrs. Dogs or cats? Cats. Kittens or puppies? Ugh, both are so cute, but I gotta hand it to kittens. Bird watching or whale watching? Whale watching would blow me away. Whales are such magnificent, awe-inspiring animals. What is your spirit animal? Probably a deer. Skittish, shy, and quiet. What was your best subject in school? English. What was your worst subject in school? Math. What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? You and Jason aren't going to last, hunty. Who is your fashion icon? I don't have one. I wear what I want/what's comfortable. Diamonds or pearls? I think diamonds are a lot prettier. What color dress did you wear to prom? First one was maroon, last one was black. What’s your favorite plot-twist? Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. My jaw actually dropped. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yes. Honestly, what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Said things I shouldn't. Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad? Yes. Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? Two weeks ago or something like that. Ever pop someone else’s pimple? OH MY GOD NO alskdfa;wekrwer; Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? No. Who are you closest to? My mom. Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No. Are you currently sad about anything? A number of things. Have you had any form of exercise today? No, but tomorrow is day #2 at the gym! Can you handle blood? Yeah, np. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No sir=ee. Are you currently searching for a job? Not anymore, at least not actively. I was going to after TMS, but I'm just... still not ready. Right now, I'm focusing on the gym and getting healthy again, but if the seemingly perfect job comes along, I'm not opposed to taking it up. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No, I've got to have breakfast or else THEN I feel awful.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''thoughts & prayers" by motionless in white

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picturetoburnnn · 4 years

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Unforgettable | l.h. x reader

word count - 2k

warnings - angst, slight fluff, cussing as always

tags - @songforhema @asht0ns-world @lukesflaredpants @sunflowerxcal @cxddlyash @lovely-cruel-summer @merryblueberry02 @kinglyhood @caswinchester2000 @babe-babylon @irwinkitten @1delicate-fangirl @mysticalhood @abundant-stars

notes - so i know an apology is past due here. i’m sorry about how late this is. part one was posted three months ago and i’m only now making this post. life has been insanely hectic, and i’ve been working on this for a while, but only a little bit at a time. i’m really sorry so much has happened recently. i hope you guys can enjoy this though.

Masterlist

Part One Found Here!!

Y/N tried, she really did. She tried to cope with the fact that the love of her life couldn’t remember her. But it followed her everywhere, like a shadow. An evil shadow with fangs and teeth waiting to remind her that she wasn’t who she used to be.

“Who are you?” The blonde asked, blue eyes shining with confusion.

“Mate,” Ashton murmured, “it’s Y/N?”

“Who?”

Y/N fought her tears as she retracted her arms, wrapping them around herself even though she ached to hold the man in front of her.

“Don’t worry about it,” she muttered as she stood, turning on her heel. The broken-hearted girl headed for the door, refusing eye contact with anyone and everyone.

“Y/N,” Ashton called, reaching for her arm as she passed.

“Don’t,” she whimpered, dodging his grasp, trying her best not to cry until she was out of earshot. She heard her fiance ask the remaining boys to ‘please explain what the fuck is going on.’

Y/N managed to turn the corner into a relatively empty hallway before breaking down. The earth seemed to sway beneath her feet as the ground came crashing to meet her, back slamming into the wall. Hugging her knees to her chest, she did her best to silently cry. A muffled thud beside her indicated someone sitting with her.

A hand found hers, intertwining the fingers. A brief glance at the forearm told her it was Ashton - the moon phase tattoos giving him away. Something about having him there with her made it all feel so much more real. Her fiance really was awake in the other room, and he really didn’t remember her. They sat there for a moment, Ashton being her silent crutch. Slowly, he moved close enough to tuck her into his side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and letting her cry into his chest.

“It’s like the past four years didn’t even happen.” Y/N wiped her eyes. “He doesn’t remember the dates, the proposal. Ash, he doesn’t remember me.”

“It’ll come back, bubs. It will.” His thumb stroked her shoulder comfortingly.

“You don’t know that.” She found herself laughing in spite of herself. “I could be gone forever. We don’t know. I sure as hell am not there now.” Another tear streamed down.

Ashton’s heart broke for the girl that had become his sister. Pressing a kiss to her head, he tried to hold back tears of his own as he felt her cling to him.

After three weeks, nothing had changed. It was like he remembered everything except her. The past four years were there, but every memory that should have had her held a blank space in her place.

Y/N had taken to staying at Ashton's, to save Luke the awkwardness of sharing a home with someone he didn't know.

She didn't know the drummer heard her crying every night.

Y/N became a ghost to Luke. She disappeared when he came around, or stayed silent around him.

It was one of those days where Luke and the boys had gathered in the living room at Ashton's house, playing some random game in the living room. Despite Michael and Calum's protest - Why don't you play just one round with us? - Y/N had just curled up in the window seat with a book, dedicating herself to an afternoon of fiction. In her books, she could pretend the main character was her, and the love interest Luke. She could pretend everything was okay - that there hadn't been a huge rug ripped out from under her.

Caught up in the novel, she didn't notice the boy that used to love her taking a long glance her way. The plotline was too enticing to let her overhear the conversation the boys were having, the game forgotten in the background.

"Who was she, really?" Luke whispered.

"She was… she was your best friend, Luke. You were going to marry her." Michael's quiet words felt like knives in his heart.

"But I- I would remember that. I couldn't forget that, could I?"

"Mate," Calum cut in comfortingly, "you were in a coma. You had brain damage. You can't control what you can and can't remember."

Luke had tuned him out. He knew he was obviously important to her, just based on her despair when he first - well, not first - met her in the hospital. He didn't know the first thing about her, but when she looked at him, such devastation on her features… he wanted to find some way to comfort her until all the pain disappeared.

Cal was still talking when the tall blond stood, cutting him off. The trio of boys watched as he cautiously approached her, speechless.

Y/N felt a tap on her shoulder, drawing her out of her novel. She looked up, her eyes meeting those blue ones she loved so much.

"Hi." His voice was tentative. He hadn't sounded so unsure to her since their first date. But, to be fair, this was the first time he'd spoken to her since the hospital.

"Hello." Y/N closed her book, giving him her full attention.

"Can, um, can we talk?" He gestured behind him to the back door. Clearly, this wasn't a conversation he wanted to be overheard. Not like that would stop their friends though.

"Yeah." Y/N almost stumbled over her words. "Yeah, let me put some shoes on."

Luke waited nervously by the door, fingers playing with the cuffs of his favorite jacket. Once she returned, with boots this time, he couldn't help but think she really was gorgeous. The cool winter air was a welcome change from the almost over-heated house. Or maybe it was their own anxieties that made the house feel uncomfortably warm.

"I, um, I wanted to ask you something." The lanky Australian seemed to curve in on himself as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched.

Y/N raised her eyebrows as if to urge him to continue.

"Who were you, to me? I know you were someone, someone important. Your face is in half of the pictures at my house, but I have no idea who you are." Luke wanted to know what she would tell him. Would she expect him to remember her as she was? Would she be willing to make new memories with him?

She smiled at him, a sad smile that was masked to look nostalgic. She was good at that, but he was better. He didn't know how he knew that, but he somehow did.

"Does it matter what I was? Shouldn't it matter who I'll be now?"

And suddenly Luke realized why he had been engaged to her.

Luke smirked. "I guess so. Will you be the person to help me find memories of who you were?"

Y/N shrugged her shoulders, hands stuffed into the pockets of a hoodie that looked somewhat familiar to Luke. "Why don't we just make new memories of who I'll be?"

Luke could tell it hurt her. To look into his eyes, and not see what used to be there. But at the same time, it meant the world to him that she was here, helping him even if it hurt her. She came over most afternoons, most likely with one of the other boys tagging along. Y/N and Luke would carefully recall the tiny moments of the past four years.

It was slow, but Luke started remembering small things. He knew that Y/N liked this side of the bed, and she wanted her dresses and shirts hung up but skirts and pants folded. He remembered that when she couldn't find her keys, they were probably in the left pocket of the jacket she wore yesterday.

He didn't know why, but when he wanted to surprise her with flowers, he somehow just knew that the orange ones wouldn't make her happy but the pale pink ones would.

Y/N flashed him the world's largest smile when he remembered her brother's name for the first time, without prompting. She looked close to tears when he remembered their first date.

Slowly, Luke fell back into his old life. He asked Y/N to come back home.

"It's just that… this is your home too. Something about it feels empty, but when you're here, that feeling is gone. I know I may not be half the man you loved at one point, but would you stay here with me and help me get back?"

Y/N's heart was racing. Could she really handle this? Coming back home to this home she had loved so much, the place she had really and truly fell in love for the last time?

"Luke, I…"

His smile faltered. "You don't have to! It was just a thought, a dumb thought. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I'm sorry I shouldn't have--"

"--I'd love to."

As fast as it fell, Luke's smile turned to a huge grin. "Really?" He asked like a kid on Christmas, not quite believing this gift was really for him.

Y/N nodded, and Luke's stomach erupted into a million butterflies.

"Tell me about the day we met."

Luke and Y/N were laying on the couch, a movie playing in the background with the volume turned way down low. Luke was half laying on her chest, and she had one hand playing with his curls. He was slotted between her legs, his back to her chest.

"Hm?" she hummed.

"Like the first time we saw each other. Tell me what happened."

Y/N started smiling, as if to herself. She let out a quiet laugh. “You kinda embarrassed yourself. You sure you want to hear it?”

“Well, now I can’t very well have you knowing the dumb things I did and me not, can I?”

“Fine, fine,” Y/N relented.

“A little over four years ago, I was just walking down the street. Literally not doing anything else. Then you and your Australian accent quite literally ran into me.”

“Hey!” Y/N spluttered. A moment ago, she had been standing patiently on the sidewalk, waiting for the light to signal it was safe to cross the crosswalk. Now, her butt was flat on the ground, hands scraped, and the contents of her usually neat messenger bag were strewn all about the road.

“God, Jesus, I am so sorry,” the collider exclaimed. “I wasn’t looking where I was going and-”

“Well that’s obvious,” Y/N grumbled as she stood, examining the abrasion to her forearm.

“Here, let me get that for you.” The stranger bent down before she could say another word, and began picking up the random pencils, papers, and loose sticky notes that had gone flying. “I really am really sorry. Here, I’m so sorry,” he rambled as he handed her the items in a loose stack.

“It’s fine,” Y/N smiled politely, shoving her belongings under her arm - she’d sort it later. “Thanks for picking it up, that was sweet of you.”

“Well, it was my fault they fell in the first place. I’m Luke.”

“Y/N.” She held her hand out to shake.

Luke smiled. “Hey, same choker!” He gestured to his throat and then to hers, where she was indeed wearing the same black velvet strip.

Y/N chuckled. “Guess you were just meant to run into me,” she teased lightly.

“Well maybe I’ll run into you again?”

Luke smiled as Y/N finished the story. As she spoke, he found himself remembering bits and pieces of it. He remembered the exact necklace they were both wearing, and berating himself as he picked up her things. He remembered thinking she was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Or maybe that's what he was thinking now. He wasn't sure, but he still knew it was true.

Luke knew he had fallen in love with her all over again.

#i miss writing #im sorry this took so long #please forgive me #its here now #hospital visits 2 #calum hood #ashton irwin #michael clifford #luke hemmings #luke 5sos #michael 5sos #ashton 5sos #calum 5sos #luke hemmings x reader #My writing

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ourmuse-s · 3 years

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Luisa Fischer Writing About Music Dr. Loughridge Published 2/21/21

Blind Album Review

Maggie Lindemann - PARANOIA Released 2021

Maggie Lindemann, a singer-songwriter from Dallas, Texas, released her debut EP PARANOIA on January 22 of this year. The twenty-two year old began her career when she rose to social media fame in 2015, gaining a large following for her singing videos on Instagram and Youtube. Since then, she has been labeled as a social media pop star, blowing up with her hit single “Pretty Girl” in 2016. However, PARANOIA has pleasantly surprised her online following and has been receiving rave reviews and comments from her fanbase. The EP has the potential to change the singer’s reputation in the music industry, transforming Maggie from a one-hit synth-pop singer to, what I like to call, a pop-punk or alt-pop artist. PARANOIA embodies a completely different style to Maggie’s previous releases that's nostalgic of early 2000s alternative rock bands and compliments her vocals and overall style. The first track “Knife Under My Pillow” sets the tone of the EP immediately. The humming of the guitar and the bass blend with the accent of the drums to contrast with Maggie’s light and breathy voice, which sets her apart from many classic alt-rock artists. Lyrically, the song stears her away from some of the classic pop music expectations many might have from her previous releases. It’s all about the anxiety of someone being in her house, and the “Paranoia slippin in” when she’s trying to fall asleep feeling unsafe in her own home. The melody of the chorus is hard to get out of your head, and will take you back to the days when artists like Paramore and Avril Lavigne were dominating the charts. Although the influence of early 2000s alt-rock artists are evident in the lyrics, instrumentation and production of the EP, there are elements of each track that keep Maggie from imitating them too directly. The harmonies and airy vocals give the album the ‘pop sound’ that we typically hear today, which contrasts well with the heavy bass, electric guitar and loud drums. Maggie has an impressive vocal range, but her naturally higher pitched and breathy voice gives a twist to her music that sets her apart from her inspirations like Hayley Williams and Gwen Stefani. This gives the young singer another level of edge, and a unique voice amongst the alt-pop genre. The EP also includes tracks like “GASLIGHT!” and “Scissorhands'', which show Maggie isn’t afraid to get experimental with her music even when it is completely unexpected for someone of her musical background. “GASLIGHT!”, featuring Siiickbrains was the track that surprised me the most when listening to it. Although it was released as a single late last year, I had never heard it before the EP release, and nearly jumped out of my seat at the unexpected vocal transition. The chorus of the song is screamed by Siiickbrains, and the rest is belted by Maggie herself. Though I was caught off guard at first, the more times I listened to the song the more I found myself turning up the volume. Likewise, “Scissorhands” incorporates more rock elements that differentiate Maggie further from some of her influences. The song, inspired by Tim Burton’s Edward Scissorhands, reflects on the loneliness of unique individuals within society. The reverb of the bass and guitar along with the harshness of the drums create an eerie and unsettling feeling. In the chorus, Maggie sings “I’ve got scissors for my hands”, which is layered on top of a sound that mimics scissors or knives clashing. This effect takes the song one step further from Maggie’s previous musical style, and gives it the edge that makes it memorable. Just when I thought that there couldn’t be any more surprises, I was proven wrong. “Love Songs'', the sixth track on the EP, creates a sudden change in pace and mood. The song starts with a light strumming of an acoustic guitar that gradually builds to a rounder sound with each chorus. It’s completely different from all the other tracks that are heavily produced and showcases Maggie’s light and airy voice in a much sweeter and simpler setting. The title and the simple, sweet lyrics make it clear that this song is the outcome of being in love. Over the course of her rise in internet fame, Maggie was put under a hot spotlight with public relationships and personal details of her life that became trending topics on Twitter and other social media platforms. When a video leaked showing the then sixteen year old Maggie being pressured into sexual activities by nineteen year old former boyfriend and vine-star Carter Reynolds, Reynolds quickly started to lose brand endorsements deals and Maggie was flooded with hate from his supporters. Being put under a microscope by thousands of fans online can only make such situations and coming into adulthood so much harder… it’s not surprising that she’s feeling paranoid. However, the young woman seems to have a much more positive support base now, and has been openly dating Brandon Arreaga, a member of the band PRETTYMUCH since 2019, to whom “Love Songs” is dedicated to. The two have since been in full support of each other’s careers, sharing each other’s recent releases to their own social media accounts while trying to stay relatively private in other aspects of their relationship. This makes the sweet and somber melody of the track so much more special, especially to Maggie’s longtime supporters, and adds an extra layer of sentimental value to the dreamlike harmonies, strings and lyrics. After this acoustic and soft track, PARANOIA returns to its rock influences with the final two songs “Different” and “It’s Not Your Fault”. These two close the EP by bringing it back full circle to the dark imagery and rock elements. Overall, the EP did not lack in the elements of surprise, keeping me on the edge of my seat with every track. I would describe it as an homage to early 2000s alt-rock music, but with a more fluid and softer vocal touch that differentiate Maggie from her inspirations. It’s hard to describe PARANOIA without relating it back to bands like Paramore or singers like Avril Lavigne, but at the end of the day, it’s a modern day take on this style of grungy and anti-pop music. After listening to PARANOIA, Maggie Lindemann has proven she isn’t afraid to go against the norm and has most definitely gained a new listener who will follow up on her next projects.

#maggie lindemann #paranoia #new album #albumreview

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nyc-uws · 3 years

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Friends

My new old friend. An odd formulation. And yet….

The Hedgehog Review Wilfred M. McClay

I hadn’t ever considered the matter until a few years ago, when I heard a dreamy little number by the jazz pianist Alan Pasqua called “My New Old Friend.” It’s a strictly instrumental affair, a subdued and contemplative piano trio, full of subtle unresolved suspensions and wafting dissonances, conveying a late-night mood of solitary and slightly bittersweet remembrance—one of those moments of quiet grace when the passage of time slows to a crawl, past and present seem to intermingle, and joy and sorrow become hard to tell apart.

But it was the song’s title that captured my attention, even more than the music itself. My new old friend. An odd formulation. But one I’d been looking for, without even knowing it.

It’s not obvious to me why I should have been looking. In a different moment, I would have been far more likely to react against the phrase, striking it down with a reflex of indignant linguistic puritanism. After all, the noble term friend has already been so diluted and cheapened in our times, like so many of our most important words of personal and social connection, that it has become like the Platte River, a mile wide and an inch deep. Such cheapening has occurred not only in our personal usage but in public discourse. When Abraham Lincoln concluded his First Inaugural Address with a heartfelt plea to the seceding Southern states to recall that “we are not enemies, but friends,” the word had great emotive power, describing the very bonds of public affection that were being sundered. Such earnest usage has all but disappeared. Friend as we now use it embraces a particularly large portfolio of evasions and line-blurring maneuvers, especially useful in the hands of diffident teenagers, as in this familiar exchange: Mother: “Who was that on the phone?” Daughter: “A friend.”

As this example illustrates, friend can designate anything from a mysterious or otherwise uncategorizable love interest to a study-group classmate to a business associate to a helpful neighbor to the “friends” who accumulate on people’s social media accounts, where they are as plentiful and enduring as the daily harvest of low-tide sea shells on a beach. The television series Friends (1994–2004) became one of the most successful sitcoms in TV history by depicting a collection of very attractive twenty- and thirtysomethings “hanging out” together as a kind of quasi-family, a light and frothy fantasy that transposed the social life of the college dorm to not-quite-adult life in implausibly toney Manhattan apartments. For its characters, friendship was that relatively flexible and easygoing state of social relations before the hardening categories of adulthood come along.

This resonated with American audiences, including aging boomers who were nostalgic for the friendships of their college days. But when we’re confronted with the far profounder ideas about friendship put forward by Aristotle, the greatest of all writers on the subject, or by C.S. Lewis in his splendid account in The Four Loves, we tend to be nonplussed. Such heights seem beyond us. For Lewis, Friends would have to be considered a show about companions, not friends, since friendship is something weightier and inherently exclusive. In this, Lewis was in tune with the earlier observations of Aristotle: “Great friendship too can only be felt towards a few people…. One cannot have with many people the friendship based on virtue and on the character of our friends themselves, and we must be content if we find even a few such.” Far from being something breezy and easy, like a glass of sparkling spring wine, friendship in the fullest sense is a rare and precious thing, much more like an old single-malt Scotch.

As I’ve said, the Platte River principle has come to apply to many of our words of human connection, perhaps partly reflecting the automatic generosity of the democratic spirit, and also the way we employ the language of false personalization in our speech, routinely appropriating the most charged words in doing so. Some of this is vaguely sinister, as when corporate bosses try to persuade us to think of ourselves as part of “the Sprocket Corporation family,” especially at times when the budget needs cutting. Community is a word that comes in for similar abuse, and has been almost emptied of meaning in this respect, standing for any aggregation that it is politically or financially useful to treat as an aggregate. Here, as in the use of the language of family and almost any other affective term, Silicon Valley has led the way to perdition.

So you can see why I would be initially averse to the idea of “new old friends,” which might sound at first like more linguistic inflation, the equivalent of preripped jeans or “distressed” furniture, something new that is made out to look old, and thus is doubly phony. To make matters worse, as my old friends can readily confirm, I have for years been prone to saying, in an earnest imitation of Shakespeare’s Polonius, that “you can always make new friends, but you can never make new old friends.” And it’s true. There is something irreplaceably special about the people who have been down the road with you—those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried—and whose friendship has endured through the sheer passage of years, through the steady artillery of time, even if such friendships lack the lively intensity of newer ones. People who “knew you when” can never be replaced, and a wise person will not seek to do so.

But such friendships have their limitations. For one thing, it’s not always helpful to be reminded constantly of who you were “then.” Life does move on. And there is also something very true in the Simon and Garfunkel song “Old Friends,” about the two men who “Sat on their park bench like bookends…. / Winter companions… / Lost in their overcoats / Waiting for the sunset…. / Memory brushes the same years / Silently sharing the same fear.” There is a bond being described, if an unutterably sad and resigned one. It is an existential bond of the deepest and most universal sort. But there are some respects in which this “old friendship” falls short of the fullness of friendship as Aristotle and Lewis describe it.

And here I come to the heart of the matter: There is no denying the phenomenon of a new old friend. I have acquired a couple of them in recent years, people with whom I have found a near-instant bond whose depth is hard to explain, whose friendship feels as old and rooted as an ancient sequoia, even though I know it is as new as a sapling. Moving about in such friendships, I’m wary at first, thinking they may be too good to be true, fearing to trust too much in the sensation of oldness, fearing, much as one fears when living in a foreign culture, that my habitual ways of being will suddenly be misperceived or strike the wrong note. There is something deeply mysterious about such friendships, and mystery induces caution, as well as awe.

But perhaps the mystery has to do with the mystery of friendship itself. Lewis remarks that what finally hold us together as friends are not the “unconcerning things,” facts of biography and shared experiences. Of course, one brings the residue of all such things to the activity of friendship. But the friendship itself stands apart from such things. It concerns itself, Lewis argues, with nothing less than a shared quest for the truth about things. In the very act of sharing in this one thing, friends gain access to an astonishing degree of freedom. “In a circle of true Friends,” Lewis insists, “each man is simply what he is: stands for nothing but himself”:

That is the kingliness of Friendship. We meet like sovereign princes of independent states, abroad, on neutral ground, freed from our contexts. This love (essentially) ignores not only our physical bodies but that whole embodiment which consists of our family, job, past and connections.

Friendship represents a rare kind of freedom, an “exquisite arbitrariness and irresponsibility,” as Lewis puts it, precisely because it liberates us into a way of being fully human that rises above all the desiderata and conditioning factors that otherwise impinge upon us, the very factors that form what we are now accustomed to call our “identity.” But why shouldn’t an entirely new friendship have that power, as much as an old one has? Or perhaps…even more, since it is no longer the facts, but rather the search, the quest, that the new old friends share?

Lewis was not alone in connecting the disinterested love of truth and goodness with the highest forms of friendship. “The real community of man,” wrote Allan Bloom in The Closing of the American Mind, “in the midst of all the self-contradictory simulacra of community, is the community of those who seek the truth, of the potential knowers, that is, in principle, of all men to the extent they desire to know.” Bloom, too, understood that the quest for truth is what unites us most deeply and most reliably. The greatness of the Great Books, in his view, was their ability to lift our minds and thoughts out of the realm of contingency and “fact,” into a realm higher and more essential, more conducive to the flourishing of friendship—not as a goal of the quest, but as a byproduct of it.

Maybe this way of phrasing it will sound too specific to the academic world. And not everyone has the time or inclination to reread Plato’s Republic every few months (preferably in Greek). But the larger truth, that the deepest friendship can take root in the sparsest biographical soil if some high and shared animating spirit is present, seems right. I’m guessing that’s how we make new old friends. Though in the end, it is a mystery.

Wilfred M. McClay is G.T. and Libby Blankenship Chair in the History of Liberty and director of the Center for the History of Liberty at the University of Oklahoma. His latest book is Land of Hope: An Invitation to the Great American Story (2019).

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/friends

#Friends

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lucastheunlucky · 4 years

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furniture hunt | simon&luke

Date: 6/3/20 Location: Antque Store With: Simon @inconvenientsimonstrocity, & Luke

Summary: Luke invites Simon to help him find some new furniture for Yum!Pizzeria as he’s in the middle of a small remodel right now. The two try to be a little more open with each other.

Lucas felt stuck between a rock and a hard place right now mentally and emotionally. This past week was seriously hell, and now the sun was-- no. He wasn’t going there. He was feeling really off ever since he saw Gotch again through the window, and he hadn’t told everyone about the fight either with Ariana needing the attention, and with Winn trying to explain himself. It was always easy for Luke to hide away though. It was terrifying seeing that shotgun pointed at Salva’s head. His nightmares have gotten pretty gory and the constant explosion of a gun going off always had him jumping awake. He’s not sleeping more than an hour or so a night. Well. He wasn’t going to keep whining. The wolves were a mess, but he didn’t think it was their fault. It felt reactory. If they found out about Salva through whomever, fine, he’d explain a little. But his mind was foggy, and it was difficult to push down the despair always swirling in his stomach. Distraction was really necessary for him. “Hey Simon,” he waved lightly, “be patient with me. I’m not sleeping again.” He admitted, “I’m so glad you’re helping me with this. I have a list. I need six bar height stools, five chairs, and maybe we can find some new hanging lights for the tables.”

The thoughts that churned through Simon’s head like foamy waves biting at a black-salted shore were conflicted. They felt diseased, almost, like they shouldn’t have been there and he tried to get rid of them but they clung to him like the parasite he felt under his skin. This was the first time he was going to meet Lucas since what the other members of… whatever they thought they were called a “pack meeting”; nothing was accomplished, nothing felt satisfying. He felt like he wasted his time at the crime scene and though it gave him a chance to fall in favour with the rest of the WCPD, nothing came of it. It was a distraction at best. Every single other member of the pack seemed to be reeling from a decision that happened this past week with the possible exception of Salva, who he just assumed was either too drunk, too busy or too bored to bother messaging him back. At least Lucas bothered to get back to Simon on his suggestion to do something. Eventually. See, it was THOSE thoughts that felt unnatural to him. Why was he thinking like that? Everyone was just very busy; he completely understood that - even Layla must’ve been terribly upset by what happened to Ariana and Celeste. And what Eldon had told him did him no favours,either; hiding as a means of survival, what the power of fear did to the hearts of mighty creatures, like… them. He pushed everything as far down as they allowed, threw the now-empty pill case of Allegra into a passing trash can and stepped into the antique store where he found Lucas almost as quickly as the nostalgic scent of time, paper and old wood found him. “Hey, Lucas,” He replied as he approached the younger man, voice still a little thick though at least he could breathe and probably wouldn’t be arrested by paroxysms. “And you’re all good; no judgement here. We can go as slowly as you’d like or feel comfortable with,” He added with a gentle smile. “I’m sorry you haven’t been sleeping, though… same phantoms?”

“Yeah, gotta love dreaming about getting buried alive or shot in the face,” Luke sighed, but his smile was there, ever honest in that he struggled a lot but didn’t let it ruin his life entirely. “It’s just what it is, I’ll be okay.” The words were stale on his tongue, and Lucas wasn’t sure how much more he could actually take before it felt better to go down different routes. “In good news, I’m mostly healed up. Tore it up a bit this week with shit, but the next moon will sew it up. Let’s go shopping. I hope we find some stuff. You should see the place all clean, and repaired up. I’m so glad I took the time to close it for a week. Insane what a difference it’s made. I really need to cook for you again, Simon.” As he said this he yawned, but he pushed into the aisles, the scents musky and pleasantly calm. “Have you met anyone new in town yet?” Seemed like Simon wasn’t the only one having problems sleeping, regardless of the reason. “I’m glad to hear you’ve been mostly healing up.” He wanted to ask about what happened but he told Lucas he wouldn’t ask about it anymore in their previous conversation so he kept the question to himself and instead moved on to what they were talking about - furniture. “Shopping, sounds good,” He gave a small nod of agreement and proceeded to follow Lucas, glancing off from side to side absently as he reran Lucas’ list through his mind. He wasn’t aware of the small smile that crept onto his pointed face when the younger wolf mentioned both cooking and if he’d met anyone ‘new’ in town. Three weeks ago, he would’ve said ‘Nora’ easily and that answer was still true but he would’ve been lying if he didn’t say Lydia, whether purposefully or not, was the first face to flicker through his mind. “I, uh… I’ve met some people, yeah.” He admitted with a small half-shrug. “And that pizza you made last time was really good. What do you like to cook the most?” He asked.

“I just like to cook for friends the most. Maybe, I’ll make us all some curry, that is always my favorite. My birthday is coming up on the 21st, I could make that if people want to come over. I’m sure Miles will take a chance to throw me a party since it’s been four or five birthdays without me around,” he said that easily to the ears, but his insides always hurt when he thought about it. Lucas grabbed a cart because he knew he’d probably find other things and didn’t want to hold them all. “I’m relieved you are finding some new people. This place isn’t big, but it’s got of decent people in it. I know I haven’t been around to hang out much.” Oh yeah, Lucas had been in hiding for some years now, assumed to be dead to the world except to one. Simon didn’t have to wonder too much about how hard that must’ve been for him, but he also took into account that Lucas probably had an actual life before the incident with Gotch; the way he talked about what it felt like to him to be a wolf, the freedom to be who you were before being forced into hiding… The only difference was that Simon was always a nobody. “Four or five years with your life drastically altered because of something you couldn’t control,” He opted to say casually as he picked up an old cracker tin, pretending to inspect it (though really, he just liked the texture of rough metal) to avoid making it seem like he was lecturing. “I’m sure he’s excited to throw one for you; it’ll be long overdue,” He placed the tin down, for some reason remembering that he placed the tin that seemed to whisk Lydia’s snapping at him away. “...Not to worry, I completely understand,” Simon replied, still avoiding looking at Lucas though he figured that that wasn’t unusual for him at this point. Now, though, it was because he felt the parasite frothing inside, wanting to snap and overwhelm and lash out like a spoiled child. “You’ve had some very important things happening, especially recently; majour changes, entire shifts in dynamic, et cetera. It’s vital to address and fix those problems before you can move forward.”

“Mhm, Gotch’s been messing with me since I was sixteen, Simon,” Lucas picked up a few glass bottles that had some interesting shapes and could look really good on the wall and put them in the cart. Thinking about Miles in any capacity was always a mixture of feelings. The undercurrent whispered that he wasn’t supposed to speak to him, demented words spoken in his ear as a whisper, ghosts of fingers tightly curled over his shoulders and telling him that it wouldn’t end well. And then the little brother in him, in the echoes of memories riding on Miles back, and trying to prank him (never ever successful he's such a punk!!) let Luke want to scream to the world how much he loved him and grab Miles and not let go. “He better,” Lucas laughed, and he was excited actually. “Well, when my family was here, I mean all of them. There were six of us. That pack life was way different then this mess, but then again, my dad was sorta in charge. I don’t think we can go back to that way of living. Feels, like I’m enlisted. I miss not caring so much.” Part of Simon felt guilty for getting the number wrong; did he know that? Was he told that? And yet, part of him, a dark, twisting part, couldn’t have cared less. No, he didn’t know that. No, he wasn’t told that. He popped his neck sharply, a relatively new habit of his and something he found gave him some form of emotional release. He remembered the people that did that in high school; controlling, aggressive. When he was younger, he thought it made them feel superior or like they were in charge… maybe they were just trying to keep the wolves inside of them from tearing them apart. He lightened his expression when he heard the genuine emotion in Lucas’ laugh, however, and he glanced down briefly, unclenching his hands that were white at the knuckles. “Big family,” He returned a small smile as they walked. One of his hands decided to go into his pocket for the time being while the other subconsciously reached up to scratch at his neck. “Yeah, I can imagine,” He scoffed lightly, his tone amiable. “The halcyon days of youth; there and then gone, waiting for you to pick up the pieces.” He pointed off to the side. “Those stools strike your fancy at all?”

Lucas glanced over, “yeah, my family is pretty big. Still, different sets of problems. Things can be easy in some areas, and only get more complicated in others having your biological family in your business all the time. If you can believe me, even if this all seems bleak, I have hope it will be okay-- I really want this all to work. I want to have a family again, even if it’s really hard and we fight, it’s okay.” Lucas knocked his head gently on Simon’s shoulder in passing, “you included.” He looked at the stools and got a little excited. “You have a good eye, holy shit. I love these. Let’s see if they can handle my heavy self.” He quickly sat down and did a few wobbles on it, and flipped them to see if they were all sturdy. “I like that they are all different. What do you think? Would you eat a slice of pizza and drink a beer on this?” “Different sets of problems,” Simon murmured, definitely more to himself than out loud as he ran that sentence through his head. As an only and friendless child, Simon often wondered how his life would’ve changed if he had even just one sibling; someone to fight with, to love on, to tease and fairly criticize but then to subsequently build up to be stronger than before. The closest he supposed he got was a ridiculously neurotic aunt who he assumed was responsible for half his allergies through the power of suggestion… yes, he COULD eat white bread and it was delicious. He was shaken out of that thought when he felt Lucas’ head against his shoulder. I have hope. I really want all this to work. That combination of words seemed to push the wolf further down, further than it had been all day and muzzled it, at least for a few moments. THAT was Simon and Lucas: hopeful. Despite all the bad things that happened to both of them, despite that neither of them made the life-altering choices that turned them into what they were today, Simon did believe Lucas when he said that because Simon wanted to believe that, too, desperately clinging to the threads that sometimes dangled in front of him and terrified to let them go once he had them. He’d let so many of the threads go already but he was still trying to sort through the ones he had left. Hope. “I’m going to be honest with you, Lucas,” He spoke up gently, a genuine smile on his face this time. “I’d eat a slice of pizza and drink a beer on the floor so long as I was enjoying it with someone else.” He admitted. “That being said, I’m no fashion or decor expert but I believe their asymmetry would lend themselves well to the aesthetic of your pizza place.” He added. “Plus, there ARE at least six of them and they all obviously belong together in their own strange ways…” He gave a light, somewhat playful shrug. “I say go for it. I can pay for them.”

“Same, I might even eat a piece that fell on the floor,” Lucas playfully said. “You know. When I played football we’d eat the craziest shit. I’d like that though. Sitting anywhere and munching yummy food.” He nodded, standing up from the stool. “I like them. You want to treat me?” Lucas though in his thirties could be a little boy way too easily, and his eyes seemed to sparkle in excitement. “That’s really nice. Thanks. I’ll make sure one is just for you in the shop. Have it engraved. Hehe.” He waved down the sales clerk and let them mark it as sold while he hunted for some lights. “Have you considered getting back into forensics? I know you helped a lot with that piece for me. Do you miss that?” It didn’t surprise Simon that Lucas used to be a football player; indeed, it seemed like sports were a good outlet for the wolves to get their energy out. Sports were team-building, encouraged communication, gave people something to work towards. He could never play sports and he needed to stop thinking about and comparing everything to wolves; despite what Orobas said and how he was referred to, he wasn’t the same. “It’s really not that big a deal,” Simon replied but he knew finding positivity in small gestures when he heard it; no, bar stools at a pizza place was rather mundane but there were a handful of little things to be happy about. He didn’t speak again until Lucas asked him another question, shifting the topic and he remained quiet for a long moment. “I have, but…” Would Regan allow it after he (rather stupidly) got so bold to her? Did they even need someone else in the department? Surely they were busy given the death rate… normally he wouldn’t have minded the workload so much. “I might once I get Beans more used to the house,” He admitted quietly; the last thing he wanted to do was radically change up his schedule so soon after getting the… HIS dog. “And I didn’t help much; no one at that crime scene thought you did it, Lucas,” He felt the need to affirm. “And the guys we found evidence for either couldn’t be found or didn’t give up any information. It was a waste of time.”

“Beans--” Luke tried to flip through what he remembered, but sometimes details like that were hard for him to retain since his brain injury. “Is that the dog you posted about? You decided to keep it?” Lucas was surprised Simon felt like he didn’t do anything to contribute. Even with the police looking into it, Luke was glad someone with his interest was there. “You mattered then, it could have been so easy for Gotch to put one of his cops there to fuck it up, plant evidence, or not get the right stuff. I think if you and Sargant Rolands hadn’t been there-- it could have been different.” Lucas sighed. “I mean, I’m not fucking surprised, but it’s not a waste of time though. I had zero of this information for over a decade man. Rich kids will always get away with shit. They probably weren’t even from here. Someone did find one of those guys though, roughed him up, but they kept playing the same tune. They bought the hunt off Gotch.” “Sgt. Hills is a really good guy,” Simon said first, remembering how receptive he was of whatever information could be found and how they worked well together. He supposed that though they didn’t actually catch anyone, it WAS more information than they had… even if it was unsubstantial and ultimately worthless despite Lucas implying otherwise. He supposed Lucas DID have a point regarding planted evidence or corruption in the system… he hadn’t thought about those aspects.”You do bring up good points,” He replied mildly. “I just wish there was more that could’ve been done.” He said, resisting the urge to say ‘more *I* could’ve done’. “But hey; you were exonerated so I guess you gotta take the little victories,” He exhaled and continued to look around for the chairs, deciding to leave the lights to Lucas for now. “Oh! Yeah, sorry. Beans is the dog,” He decided to switch conversations to something lighter but he wasn’t sure if it was more for Lucas or him. “And I’m really thinking about keeping him; I’ve never owned a dog before so I never realised how… great they are.”

“Dude, I love dogs. Duke and I? God, Miles got him right when he moved into his cabin a few years ago and he had the BIGGEST ears and feet, and was all floppy. I’d let him train on me. When I was healing up and on those crazy meds, Duke and I kept yelling at squirrels. It was nice, they are good companions, I’m glad you want to raise Beans.” Luke found dogs always very easy to get along with, maybe it was the scent or the natural energy he had, but he also knew that coming home to someone, even a pet, was the best feeling in the world. Lucas pointed out a few lights and decided on two that caught his attention when the woman came over to mark them sold. “You should have Duke and Beans meet. Miles could use the company. I’ve been worried about him. Do you have his number and stuff? He just got back in town.”

Good, talking about dogs seemed preferable. Simon smiled softly as Lucas opened up about some more of his personal life yet the thought of him having his own dog was bittersweet… Definitely more sweet than bitter, though; Beans' company was definitely worth the physical misery. However, his smile faltered ever-so-slightly when he recalled how Lucas described Duke as a pup; big ears and feet… That sounded like a big dog and that thought tensed him up slightly, instinctively. His hand started scratching his bite again, suddenly feeling a little spike of nervousness. "We talked briefly on the forum," He mentioned first. "I'll, uh… Yeah, it'll be good to meet up with them… I…" He cleared his throat. Spit it out. "I need to get over my fear of big dogs, anyway." Admitting those types of flaws of his were embarrassing but he didn't know why… Allergic to dogs, AFRAID of dogs, what a useless werewolf he was. "Miles seems like a good guy. You guys are good people."

“Oh? Duke is the bestest boy to help with that. He’s a search and rescue dog, very trained. He saves people, man. Knows how to calm people who are hurt down and never bites unless ordered to by Miles,” Luke took full advantage of Duke when he was healing up, not that he had a choice, Duke would come to him anyway cause the dog already knew he was in pain. “Miles is the best out of all of us. Probably the best in White Crest. He’s my hero, he’s really someone who puts others first. You can trust him with anything--” Luke easily rattled off, clearly the younger brother who idolized his older sibling without embarrassment. But as he was saying all that, he felt the faints presence swirl behind him. Reminding Luke of the horror attached to him causing so many issues for his mental health. “Did something happen that made you scared? Baby steps if you do, plus, it’s also okay to just be scared.” Simon had never met Miles save the one instance where they had their ‘pack meeting’ and there was with no uncertainty that Lucas was very proud to be the related to and the younger brother of Miles but if nothing else, Simon was in possession of the rare quality to be able to hear how people thought of someone and still be able to form his own opinions. He didn’t doubt that Miles was a good guy - he did Search and Rescue and from how Lucas talked about his own upbringing, something like a secretly-bad-older-brother would stick out like a sore thumb in the otherwise idyllic way Lucas recalled the memories of his past before all this shit with Gotch hit the fan. Lucas’ question pulled him out of his thoughts though and one of his nails unintentionally tore open his skin on his collar bone sharply as his hand clenched for a moment. “Yeah, it is…” He said quietly, lidding his eyes partially as he glanced off to look at a particularly ugly doll that stared back at him with unblinking glass eyes. “I got…” He couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence, feeling blood well up under his finger as it oozed from the scar tissue he opened. I got mauled by a werewolf. It ruined my life. That was one of the hardest combination of sentences he’d never said. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s okay to be scared in moderation.” He replied just as quietly. He remembered what Orobas said. “But it’s also important… to not let it control you.” He almost said that more to himself. “Baby steps.” He gave a small nod.

“Yup--” he emphasized the P with a pop, and nudged his shoulder with Simon’s, the scent of blood caught his nose instantly, but Luke could tell the duress was making Simon’s mind spin and body react. Luke knew deep seeded fear. He sat there while Gotch cut open his arm frozen in it. Luke, however, wasn’t ever a person who had to fix people, but he was someone who cared about them deeply. He tossed his bad arm over his shoulder, letting it hang comfortably, and pressed in close to his side on instinct. “We’ll get there, you know what I’ve been saying lately to myself?” Luke asked, and with his free hand releasing the cart he waved it in front of them. “Life is okay--” He snorted a little, smiling easily. “It’s not entirely good, but okay isn’t too bad either. At least we’re alive. At least we can have a future, even with fear of dogs or fear of one man. Ah, we are shopping for chairs and lights right now. Pre--tty domestic and, well. Okay right?” Lucas’ nudge and subsequent, instinctual intimacy somehow relaxed Simon considerably, though he obviously wasn’t expecting it to; was this because he was touch-starved? Was it a wolf thing? Either way, he heard his heartbeat that increased subconsciously start to slow down and he licked the blood off his finger while the other hand pressed his shirt into the small wound to stem the flow, watching Lucas wave his hand and listening to the words he was saying. Life is okay. It’s similar to what Lucas said earlier about having hope for the future. Don’t let fear control you. Believe it’s going to be okay. It IS okay. Baby steps. He inhaled, the scents of Lucas, his own blood, the wood and dust and an elderly woman’s perfume as it floated around the store. “Yeah,” He smiled again, gentle and genuine. “Life’s pretty okay. If anything, it should fear US,” He added, perhaps a little uncharacteristically but it was close to the full moon and Lucas had bolstered his own confidence just enough. “The future better be prepared for what we can bring to it.” The word ‘we’ struggled to form instead of him saying ‘you’ - strictly referring to the younger wolf - but he managed to get it right the first time, only feeling a little self-conscious about it.

“Exactly, heh,” Lucas was a person who had zero problems being close and hanging off people, not to the point of being annoying about it, but it was something he did instinctively. Even in school everyone always expected he’d be hanging on someone, and sometimes people even fought over him playing favorites. So Simon accepting it, and not flinching from it made him happy. Touch was important to werewolves, and closeness was an easy thing to give. Luke did find an awesome light and picked that up along with the stools, and a few weird looking chairs that were apparently bright gold thanks to the clerk who asked if it would fit with the look of the place. As they loaded it up in a truck, he felt relaxed. “So, thanks! This is awesome. Wanna come with me to drop it off? We can eat something too-- let’s just chill today? I need a chill day.” There was another exhale that came from Simon after they finished with their shopping, a sense of satisfaction from having found everything they needed that Lucas decided was preferable. While he still thought about how he sounded earlier and the negative thoughts that burned under him before that alongside the sensation that he still didn’t belong or have a sense of agency in relation to the other wolves, he had to think in the ‘now’ and right ‘now’, not being able to tell Lucas what he was truly afraid of aside, he felt… comfortable. The wolf that had been restrained and muzzled still thrashed around but it was deeper down and he could ignore it more willfully. “Yeah,” He replied in his same quiet tone, his natural tone; compliant, agreeable. Really, he felt like all the wolves could use a chill day. “Yeah, that sounds good.” He reaffirmed. A chill day. Sounded ideal.

#x: simon #X; furniture hunt

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iwillgiveyoumyhappiness · 4 years

Text

Song Tag

Song game!

Tagged by @bae-minseung

Thanks for tagging me, luv!

Rule: You can only repeat one artist and song only one time, so we can all kind of spread new 🎶to the people we tag. Try to listen to at least one of the song’s people rec here.

1. Song you 💛ed the first time you listened to and never got tired of?

Universe by Minhyun

When ‘Universe’ came out on April 3rd of 2019, I already knew it was going to become one of my favorite songs ever. How did I know that? I can’t really say. The first note tickled my ear and made me feel fuzzy inside, but also a little sad. I don’t know if there’s anyone else out there that likes standing in the rain and feeling it trickle down your cheeks, but it felt like that—only better. It felt like the cold water was warm, and instead of it being clear, it was dye and it was coloring me beautifully. That song felt like first love to me. Thrilling and beautiful, but also a little heart-wrenching and sorrowful. I think that’s why I love it so much, and still love it to this day. I can always go back to that song to fill me with the color that I lack. In the words of Minhyun: “You have to be happy, my universe”.

2. One song you 😭 every time you listen or makes you emotional?

The Last by Agust D

‘The Last’ is such a painfully honest song, and I admire that honesty. Since BTS debuted in 2013, I remember looking at Min Yoongi through the eyes of a relatively thoughtless nine-year-old and thinking, “What kind of person are you? Who are you?” I thought it was a funny question, at the time. I knew who he was. He was Min Yoongi—Suga from BTS. He was a cool Korean guy I saw on the internet. Though, as time went by and I got older, I realize it.

“You’re me.”

“You’re older than me, and we’re different people.”

“But that doesn’t matter.”

“You’re me in another body.”

When I came to that realization, I cried for hours without making any noise. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t. Up until that point, I was someone who locked her door and screamed until she felt better, but at that time, I realized that it felt better to scream in my head, because then I could do it whenever I needed to. I could be in a room full of people, and I could still be screaming. For whatever reason, I felt comforted by that. I always used to scream and throw tantrums so that people would hear me. So they would know what I was thinking, and what I did or didn’t like. I needed to be heard; I desired it. But after coming to my ‘realization’, I didn’t need to scream to be heard anymore, because there was already someone out there that understood me.

I’m incredibly blessed that ‘The Last’ came out around that time that I developed my ‘Yoongi-ness’, for lack of better term that doesn’t sound too over-dramatic. I’ve never been depressed—I’ve just been really sad or couldn’t feel anything at all, but I’ve felt less really-sad (or at least more comfortable with my really sad), because I knew that I could come back to this song and feel like someone understood.

And that made me happy. That’s one reason why I’m so happy now.

He understood me without hearing a word I said, knowing my face, or knowing my name. Without knowing of my existence, I felt treasured and that’s why ‘The Last’ is always the song that can make me emotional/cry.

3. One song that always makes you happy/😁?

Get Cool by Stray Kids

I have no reason for this whatsoever. I think it’s just the way they sing it or the meaning behind the lyrics, but I always feel cheered up when I listen to this song. Like nothing can bring me down and I can just be unashamed about how freakin’ happy I am.

4. One song you would dedicate to your best friend and/or family?

P.O.P (Piece of Peace) by J-hope

I think this one is pretty self explanatory. If I care for someone, I want to be their strength and their light. I want to make their dreams brighter and their nightmares disappear. I want to be a safe place for them. Therefore! Piece of Peace.

5. One song with production (the sounds, the beat, the mood) you 😍?

Manitto by Villain

This song!! This song always makes me feel like I’m in an MV, ‘cause no matter where you are, it somehow fits every. Single. Situation. It makes me feel like a suave criminal that walks by people on the street and everyone’s just like, “Daaaaaamn, is that a snack? ‘Cause all of a sudden, I’m hungry”. I always feel 50% more confident once I listen to this song. I’m not someone who swings their hips when they walk, but Manitto has that effect on me. It unlocks my inner zest. I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it and it’s been stuck in my ear eternally ever since. The vibe, the mood, the production—all of it is outstanding and totally underrated. Plus, Villain is probably one of my biggest vocal inspirations. I don’t necessarily follow his style (mostly because I don’t think I’m capable of his abilities), but I admire him so much because he’s always had his own voice color that is just incomparable.

6. One song with perfect, amazing, outstanding lyrics?

My New World by CIX

Oh my goshhhhhhh, where to start with this one? There’s nothing I don’t love about this song, particularly the lyrics. Everything from Yonghee’s falsetto to Seunghun’s power to BX’s and Hyunsuk’s shared rap part to Jinyoung’s “heyyyy~” (only those that have listened to it will understand)—it always hits me in a strong, powerful way. It’s a song all about carrying your light along with your darkness, and that’s always a lesson I’m try to teach myself every single day. I think one of my favorite lines is: “Take the bumpy road”, because it reminds me of something I told myself once. I was sitting on my bed at 4:30 in the morning, watching the sunrise. I was in a really nostalgic mood and I was alone in the house, so I just sighed, laid down and started crying for no reason, telling myself, “It’s hard to be a good person”. I think ‘My New World’ has become a source of strength for me, because it makes me feel like I’m more capable of going through the struggles of trying to be the best version of myself.

7. One song that you would recommend to anyone?

go, just go by eli

I think if you listen to it, you’ll find out what I mean without me even having to say much. I remember putting this on my friend’s ‘Calm Down and Chill’ playlist and then that same day, he called me and said, “What the heck is this?” and I was like, “...what?”. He explained to me that he meant the song, but I didn’t understand why he was so adamant about it until he said, “You can’t put stuff like that on my playlists. It’s too beautiful and it makes me cry”. I think that’s pretty powerful.

8. One song you don’t understand why you like so much but you do anyway?

BLACKWHITE by CORBYN

Corbyn (ex member of 24k) is a little-known self-producing soloist under 28Laboratory and BLACKWHITE is my favorite song by him. I love the classy-old-film vibe it has, despite it being a hip-hop song with hard rap. I’m not sure why I like, but I think it has something to do with how clever and almost punny the lyrics are. Not to mention, I always gets chills whenever he says, “Y’all don’t amaze me”. Another thing that probably helps in adding to my love for this track is that his producing feels familiar to me since he produced a lot of my favorite 24k songs, like Super Fly and Bonnie N’ Clyde.

9. One song that you think people in general wouldn’t like, but you do?

TOP Gang by MCND

I will openly admit that this is a genera plenty people aren’t that into—hip-hop with rap-heavy vocals and a raw production quality—but I happen to love this song. Not only does it impress me that all the members are so young (Win has been my baby since Under19), but also because the members took part in the writing and producing of the song. Castle J helped in producing it, and he wrote the lyrics for it, along with Win and BIC. They really have so much talent and they put so much effort into it, and I find the way they structured their rhyming to be very addictive. I find myself going back to listen to it because it puts me in that “I can do anything” kind of mood.

10. One song people normally like and you don’t like or hate?

Cheerleader by OMI

...I don’t have much to say about this one, I just don’t like it. I’m not a very social person, but I remember the year that this was REALLY popular was probably my busiest year yet, so I was out all the time, and it was playing EVERYWHERE. Going to the pool with my friends? It’s playing. Dinner with my family? It’s playing. Literally just shopping for some new underwear? (TMI, I know) Yup, that’s right. It’s playing. I just couldn’t stand it by the end of the year. 😂

11. One song you would call a masterpiece?

Saturn by Sleeping At Last

‘Saturn’ is the one song I come back to over and over again. It makes me happy, it makes me cry, it makes me thoughtful and pensive. It’s everything that I would consider a ‘masterpiece’. The beginning part with the violins and the piano always reminds me of my sister and I, because that’s always been out thing. I play piano, she plays violin. For both of us, music is our first love. My sister’s lost her first love because life is busy and she’s always working and stressed, but I’m fighting tooth and nail to hold onto it and never let go, because to me, music is everything. It brings me to the stars, which are too far away for me to physically touch. It can make me feel when I’m numb, it can make me happy when all I’ve done is cry, and it makes me realize over and over again that life is literally the best thing ever. We’d have nothing without life, and music makes that apparent to me—especially this song.

12. One song you recently (30 days max) discovered and really liked it?

I’m not okay by Deadfish

I like songs that give me an atmosphere, and this song definitely does just that. It feels like brutal honesty cutting into my skin while I’m drowning in my backyard pool, and the chlorine is seeping into my wounds and it just hurts, but in such a nice way. It feels like the loneliness gets a little bit less lonely by the end of the song, and it definitely lessens your sense of self-pity, because you realize other people feel the same as you, if not worse.

13. One song you listen to to get pumped like you wanna tear down the government or something?

HIT by Seventeen

Hit fills me with a sense of excitement and hype unlike any other. Basically, everything about it—the beat, rhythm, lyrics, bass-drop, synth, the fanchant—gets me absolutely hyped up. I can’t sit still whenever I’m listening to it, and I always (ALWAYS) sing along. If I’m sitting, I’m doing this weird shoulder and waist dance. If I’m standing, I’m jumping up and down higher than a volleyball player. It’s even worse when I’m in the mood for dancing, ‘cause then I attempt the choreography, but only in the comfort of solitude, ‘cause oh my gosh, there’s some embarrassing moments. This one definitely is heightened by the fact that I’m going to a Seventeen concert in less than a week.

Thanks again for tagging me, luv! I had a lot of fun doing it, as you know I always like to share my music with anyone that’ll listen. Anyway! I’ll tag my peeps now.

@shizziebo (You always have interesting opinions, Cheya. Love to know what’s going on in that head.)

@lostmyshame (I’m curious what you’d say. You intrigue me. 👍)

@aesthetic-06-24 (I got a random sense from you; don’t know why.)

@itslilliansnow (I know you’ve been busy recently, so don’t worry too much about getting to this.)

#tag game #tag #song #song tag

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relialin · 5 years

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TRICKSTER AGE vol. 32, 2016/10/15 Toshiya’s Creativity VOL.01 -The Five Senses-

Translated by DIR EN GREY - Italia

Please DO NOT repost or use any parts of the translation without permission.

Toshiya, bassist of DIR EN GREY, the rock band that achieves an overwhelming support all around the world and, of course, in Japan. He currently conducts the production of the apparel brand he launched by himself, “DIRT 100% Natural Dirty / DIRT 100% Dissolutive Dirty” and he started a series in this magazine. This time, as a kickoff memento, we must look for his interests and preferences, as he’s doing well in both music and apparel, so we did an interview having the five senses as theme; sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch.

SIGHT

What are the things Toshiya has been seeing until now? The things that left an impression on him were many during his boyhood, as he’s curious about many different hobbies. That influence still goes on now…

“Sight”

Movies, Gundam, manga: childhood memories.

I haven’t watched any movie recently, but if I have to tell a movie that left an impression on me, that’s “E.T.”. It’s the very first movie I watched in a theatre since I was born. That time, since we were expecting my brother or sister to be born, I went to the theatre with my father, just the two of us, for the first time to watch that movie. Even if I was a child, I remember being greatly impressed by it. I said “Won’t he [E.T.] come to our house?” (laughs). I wanted to become his friend, I wanted to play the famous scene when they put their index fingers together.

I’ve been telling this since before, but I started liking Gundam when I was at the elementary school. The one that had an impact on me was “Mobile Suit Z Gundam”. The contents were clear, in the end the protagonist turns into a vegetative state and while watching those inappropriate things for a children I was like “what the hell is that?” (laughs). It was very different from the things about robots and heroes I’ve been knowing since that moment. I didn’t even understand the plot properly at that time, but to some extent, ever since I can remember, when I watched it I thought that it was a surprisingly deep story. I think it’s a story not suitable for children in which the good are rewarded and the bad are punished, in which there are opinions on both sides and each side fights for the things they must protect. I guess I liked it also because of that. Even if I started watching it in real time starting from “Z”, my favourite mobile suit was Qubeley. The robots I knew had an angular shape but, since Qubeley had a round shape, that streamlined feature was innovative.

I also went buying the gunpla with the pocked money I received. The first one I bought was a Char’s Zaku and, just in half of his body, you could expose the mechanics it had inside. Then there were supposed to be some kind of miniature bulb you had to insert where its eyes were so they could shine properly. That’s why I felt like it was more a thing to display instead of a thing to play with. But it was too difficult and I couldn’t build it well, so I remember asking my father to build it for me. Last year I went to the “Gunpla Expo Worldtour Japan” and there was a modeler named NAOKI who I became acquainted with, but that person is amazing. Recently, when I made a temporary store for my fashion brand, I was given a Qubeley gunpla as a present and I was so happy about that.

The mangaka I like is Morohoshi Daijiro. When I was in elementary school or so I went to play at one of my relatives’ place and at that time he had the Weekly Shonen Jump volume in which “Ankoku Shinwa” was serialized. I started to like the atmosphere of the pictures and the contents a lot since I read it. As for the plot, its basis were ethnology and archaeology and it also had quite a SF atmosphere… Besides, having the mystery factor, it was a worthwhile reading. Also, the unique design was good too. In addition to this, I also liked sports manga, a little bit of everything, I read pretty much everything.

HEARING

“Hearing”: something you can’t miss being an artist. According to Toshiya, it’s a valuable sensation that shakes many different emotions and also makes childhood memories come back alive.

“Hearing”

A sound in which one feels comfort, and then music.

I guess a sound in which I feel comfort is the sound of public baths. I hear it when I use the baths, the voices and the sound of daily existence echoing make me feel good. But this good feeling I get by using the baths may be just a bit deceiving. Talking about public baths, lately [the number of] stylish health centers has increased, isn’t it? Somehow health centers have a mechanical image. Like, they are way too beautiful… Getting into the bath and then eat one thing after another, it seems like a task that just leads to mere sleep. I feel like that’s completely different from public baths, they have an heart-warming aspect, I feel like they’re somehow close to onsen. Well, it doesn’t necessarily means that I hate health centers because I said so. When I go to other regions because of the lives, I go [to health centers] with the staff. There I get my body scrubbed. But, to my surprise, it happened I got it done by young girls and therefore I was a bit in panic (bitter smile).

The sound I hate is the noise of road construction in the middle of the night. When to that sound when I’m just about to fall asleep while lying down willing to sleep, I end up waking up bothered by it. Because of that my drowsiness disappears and I can’t sleep at all even if I’m willing to. I really want it to stop once for all.

I’m totally fine with high frequency sounds that are often labeled as detestable like the one you get when you scratch on a blackboard. Everyone around me was just like “Argh!” and seemed they hated it, but I was fine.

I was born in a rural area in Nagano and, since the mountains were close to where I was, I prefer the sound of nature instead of the peacefulness of the town. Even the sound of the frogs in the summertime could calm me down (laughs). As there were rice fields all around, you could hear them croaking the whole time. That reminds me that in the past I have a feeling there were some kind of Notostraca in the fields, but lately I can’t really see them. Even if it’s something that I recalled by chance. It’s not like I look in the fields all the time (laughs). I look at them when I stare out of the shinkansen windows while travelling to another region or when I go back home to my family. Then, I can’t see fireflies anymore. When I was a child, they often used to come to rest on the window screen and shine. I strayed a bit from the topic, but when I think about sounds, memories of a long time ago come back to my mind like this. I guess it’s because the things I felt from my childhood still remain just like this.

Talking about music, I can listen to everything. Or, in a better way, I listen to a wide range [of genres]. I listen to pop music and enka as well. When I was a child, my mother liked Sawada Kenji and Anzen Chitai and their music was often playing in the house. Then there was Yamaguchi Momoe, I think. I remember listening to her along with the others. That’s why, instead of pop being a recent thing, it’s more a thing of long ago… I tend to feel like listening to nostalgic things. Talking about really old song, I think I can know their melody too.

SMELL

“Smell” and “scent”. The one that impacts Toshiya the most is the former one. He says he hasn’t a very sensitive sense of smell. He doesn’t even have a good nose.

“Smell”

Food and places… smells that linger together with memories.

[The smell] I like… well, I think that probably you’ll understand me if you’re Japanese, but isn’t it the smell of the curry you have on Saturdays? (laughs) Like, when I came home from school and walked down the street, I could sense that peculiar smell of people preparing dinner coming from every house around. I really liked it.

Then, I also like the smell of rain a lot. I can’t compare it well with anything, but I like that wet smell that I can’t even express. Or rather the peculiar smell of soil and asphalt. I feel like my heart calms down. Besides I think that the smell of historical buildings feel somehow familiar to me. When we travel to different regions while on tour, I occasionally go to visit castles and so on, but I can sense a familiar smell when I go to my grandma’s place in the countryside. It rather feels quite humid. When I recall that scent, which was a smell to me during my childhood, all the time anywhere I am I’d connect it to my memories. Then, even the scent of museums and libraries is soothing, even though it’s not like I always go there. I like the characteristic scent and the silence. Lately I also enjoy entering cafés etc. and relaxing in there. I have a luxurious time [in there].

Among the smells I hate, the very first one to come to my mind is the one of stinky tofu. It’s eaten all over Asia and it’s made by fermented tofu and it’s a food similar to Japanese natto or kusaya, popular among foreigners. Again, its smell is just way too strong. I think we were probably touring somewhere around Shanghai or Taiwan and, as I wandered around the streets with all the members, there was a smell far from being the one of udon. It was so bad to that point of saying “I guess people’s dying somewhere because of this?!” (laughs) Actually I don’t know if that smell killed people. But its smell is so strong to the extent you pinch your nose. Since I was feeling uneasy about it, I asked the local people “What smell is it?” and they answered me “It’s the smell of food”. I thought “It can’t be true!” but people say that, even if it smelled so bad, once you eat it, you get into it. It’s horrible if you just take a smell of it, but I heard it’s delicious if you can manage to put it in your mouth. Even if I was told those things, it was absolutely impossible for me. I can’t eat it. Or perhaps I should say I can’t take it to my mouth (laughs).

I wasn’t really joking when I told that I pinch my nose. Either speaking of it, I think I’m an insensitive person. Sometimes there’s people who perceive something like “It doesn’t feel good” and who have a fine ability for sensing things. But I feel like women are definitely more sensitive about that.

TASTE

Toshiya, the one who isn’t picky about food, so far. As he said “I’m not that sensitive to taste, but I end up overreacting to hot and spicy food”.

“Taste”

He’s not really picky, but in fact he has a sweet tooth.

When we travel to different regions while touring, I look forward to eating those regions specialties. Even if I say so, I’m not even the type who’s a picky eater. It may sound unexpected, but I like sweet things. I like both japanese-style sweets and western-style sweets. I buy pretty much sweets of the konbini. After having breakfast, I drop in at the konbini and while thinking “Mhh…” I’m already reaching out for them (laughs). It’s hard to say what’s my favourite sweet thing. It fairly depends on the mood I’m in that very day. Mh, maybe it’s the moon cake (laughs). When I see it, I often feel like grabbing it. Some drinks to accompany it are hot green tea, soy milk or cow milk. The chemistry between those three and the moon cake is the best. I also like alcohol, so I drink it too while eating sweet things. Even moon cake and sake are absolutely perfect!

I don’t think there are things I can’t eat, but I don’t like spicy foods. Red things like chili are definitely out of discussion, and I don’t really like pepper as well. But for some reason, I’m fine only with wasabi. Since I’ve never eaten anything that stimulated me since I was young, I guess I haven’t that much immunity against hot food. Even the curry at my parents’ home wasn’t hot. In the past, when I used to go to play to at my friends’ home, I usually had curry. I remember being astounded after eating by its excessive hotness. Like “Is curry this hot?!”.

Then, I thing I still can eat but I don’t really like is coriander. I guess I prefer not to eat it. The ones who like it seems to appreciate it very much, but I can’t believe it. Lately on TV I saw many shops specializing in coriander, many all-you-can-eat coriander restaurants and so on and I thought that isn’t a thing I would eat like that. I heard there are many women who likes coriander, although I think that sweet things are suitable for women, but I can’t understand coriander.

There’s one more thing I hate. When we were on tour overseas, I really hate the pizza we used to have on the bus. It was more a matter of quantity than a metter of taste. It didn’t feel like japanese delivery pizza, a single slice was already too huge. We ate it all together, but it was… (bitter smile). I can’t like it. The pizza we ate in Italy was delicious, so it’s not like I hate pizza. That catering pizza we had overseas was awful.

Speaking of food, I used to cook often before. But lately I don’t do it that much. I used to make hamburger and cabbage rolls. When I cook, I may pay particular attention to it. Before I tried to cook thinking that if I cooked using incredibly expensive ingredients, it would have been super delicious, but it wasn’t really like that (bitter smile). I guess I didn’t like it because I wasn’t raised in a bourgeois family.

TOUCH

It feels that “touching” leads to many different sensations and behaviuor. It’s also something that’s connected to one’s interests and likings and that becomes an important factor to determine one’s appearance. How’s Toshiya’s touch being surrounded?

“Touch”

Painting, developing, building up.

It’s not really a hobby, but from long ago, around the time I went to Art school, I liked drawing. When I was a child, since in my neighbourhood there were more girls than boys, I often played with girls. But I started hating being rallied for playing house and from that time on I started drawing at home by myself. Since crayons stained, I draw a lot using pencils. Speaking of what I used to draw… I feel that I used to draw a lot of robots, as expected. I also draw the character of a picture book I liked called “Memementama” all the time. Like, it was this kind of cute ghost with just one red eye and a black body, a bit round. This mementama liked red things, so it would eat all red things. The story is a bit grotesque because the point of it is that when it finds out its own eye is red, it ends up eating it.

Then lately I’m interested in Rolex. In the past I used to think that Rolex were somehow too royal, but since I had the chance to hold in my hand one that was made in the same year I was born, I changed my mind and thought that good things are fine. From that time, whenever I tried to look for many different things about them, it was more interesting than expected. The Rolex company itself became a sort of secret society and the whole thing didn’t become evident. Maybe that’s because the brand image is firmly encircled. Because of that, nearly every information coming from Rolex comes like something that an employee leaked. Now I know things like that model was made around that time, but that’s a leaked information as well. Even that model and the newest one will change and I’ll seem like not knowing it anymore, but surely in a few years won’t anybody leak anything once again? That kind of hidden side is also intriguing.

Speaking of touch, I’m also interested in how a body is made. Meaning that I like to touch my body by myself. I’m turning training into an habit. When I say training, no matter how effort I put in doing it, but when I lost my concentration even for a bit, it loses all its meaning. That’s why I have to keep doing it every day. When I first started doing it it was fun, but the fatigue piles up little by little and doing it every day is tiresome. There are also times in which I’m too tired to do it. However, when neglecting it like that, my muscles disappear immediately. When I do it, I gain them on the part I trained, but when I don’t, they will degenerate two times faster… I think that kind of simple cycle became interesting. From that I learned again that I have to keep on doing anything.

“In conclusion”

About his current interests, roots and serialization.

This time, as a commemoration of the very first column of the series, we had to investigate Toshiya’s interests and likings by interviewing him about the five senses and, lastly, we tried to ask him about the things he’s interested in right now.

“Let me think… maybe it’s the long drama called “Maguromaru” (laughs). It’s the most interesting among these days’ dramas. Until now it was “Aibou”.”

In the entry of Smell the word “castle” popped up too, and it seems like he likes historical things very much.

“When I was a child, during Tango no Sekku [the festival that later became Kodomo no Hi, children’s day] I used to wear a paper helmet and an armour and, instead of having my name written on them, they had like “1Xth generation”. After having asked to my grandmother many things about that, somehow it felt like my family was a line of warriors. In my hometown Nagano once ruled the Takeda family, but there were the twenty-four generals of Takeda Shinken and it feels like my family was a descendant of one of them. That’s why, considering that, I may somehow feel fascinated.”

Toshiya is active in many fields like being a musician and making apparels but, does he assimilate various data from daily things in order to create anything?

“As far as the things I’m interested in are concerned, I think I’ll try to look into it them some extent, but I’m a lazy person (bitter smile). Because of that I guess it’s a fifty-fifty. I think it’s okay not to know in particular those things that I may be interested in, but I’m also fine not knowing. So, I’m the type who don’t really think he will create something from himself. But I cherish the connection with this.

It seems that the attitude of reaching out as much as possible for things he’s interested in didn’t change since he was a child.

“In fact I’m spoiled. I’m the type who gets anything he wants, but as I grew old I realised that there are also things I can’t get. So I learned that maybe I have to reach a good compromise with myself (laughs). But if there’s any chance, I tend to reach out for it. That’s because otherwise I won’t be able to grasp it.”

In this time serialization, we’re planning on having his creative part as a feature. As the one in charge of editing says, it seems that there are already a many different projects, but perhaps even showing his other aspect, the one that’s different from the usual one of him playing the bass on stage, would be great.

“I wonder how will it be. As far as personal things are concerned, I guess I’ll refrain a bit from telling them because I want to keep them for myself. That’s why I’m a bit afraid of telling the truth (laughs).”

This series, which will dig into Toshiya from various points of view, will start for real in the next issue. Don’t miss it!

#direngrey #dir en grey #toshiya #translation #toshiya's creativity

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harlananagel · 5 years

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No Hiding in the Shadows Anymore | Forgoing the Shadows #2

A lot has happened in the last few weeks. I got a job at Keywords Studios as an FQA Game Tester. As I work there, I look forward to growing and learning a lot.

As part of the NDA I signed, I can't say what games on which they work or even their workflow, but I can say the company is surprisingly large (worldwide, even) despite being relatively private.

The interview process occurred over a few weeks. I took it pretty seriously, by researching QA methodologies, preparing for the next phases of the process, even writing practice bug reports & asking for feedback online.

First of all, this was all fun, and secondly, it’s difficult to exaggerate how excited I am to have a full-time game job here in Montréal, especially considering I just moved here a few weeks ago. This and other recent adventures have helped me feel like things are meant to come together.

I'm not spiritual, but of course, events can still happen for a reason. Take the following example (and I'm sorry ahead of time, the writing might be overly intricate, but I wanted to hammer home the causes and effects): I've been ecstatic to be here in Montréal; because I have been ecstatic to be here, I've gone out to explore more and experience what has been here; because I've gone out more and I've been ecstatic, I've been more open and friendly; because I've been more open and friendly -- a lot of things happened, frankly, one of which was more conversations. My communication skills appeared to be well-tuned throughout my time here, and obviously, openness, enthusiasm, and articulateness are great qualities to have throughout an interview process.

Now that I have a relatively stable life in Montréal, I can work on my upcoming game. My blog continues; doing so is beneficial. To make it more official, though, I am giving this blog a name, which may already be visible at the top of this page: Forgoing the Shadows.

The name is derived from a line in the DMC5 theme Devil Trigger: "No hiding in the shadows anymore."

It's a good line, but why did I choose it over other good ones?

A month ago, I listened to DMC5's soundtrack, as I prepared for my big move; something about both organizing my childhood home and experiencing the sequel of a game on which I've spent thousands of hours in high school made me nostalgic. Then I felt it, a vibration: a meeting point between nostalgia and anticipation as soon as I heard "No hiding from the shadows anymore." Since then, I've been able to reflect on what I'm currently doing and what I'm about to do -- and often get excited on the spot. I think, maybe, I may have been too depressed stranded in Calgary.

Additionally, the phrase goes well with the blog's core theme: beginning the first big game dev commitment since graduation and after life's unexpected obstacles.

I might write more about these vibrations in the future if anyone thinks it would be interesting. It would take up a whole entry, and it might be a good one. It has to do with Marie Kondo, cheese, and kind deeds. So wrap your heads around that.

For now, however, my next few entries will actually talk more about game design, specifically one-page design documents that supplement prototyping.

#gamedev #growth #montreal #practice #cause and effect

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watusichris · 5 years

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Thank you for “Days”

I’m starting to gear up for the Wild Honey Orchestra’s Feb. 23 benefit, which will feature a complete performance of “The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society.” One of the songs originally earmarked for that album but left off the final release was the beautiful “Days.” Here, excavated from my Facebook notes for your pleasure, is something I wrote about the tune in 2010. **********

Of late, I’ve been gravitating to the Kinks’ 1968 song “Days.” I can think of few songs of the rock era that are finer or more moving. It’s always been a favorite, but it acquired fresh resonances as I listened to it again recently. A little background: Ray Davies, the Kinks’ principal songwriter and lead vocalist, penned “Days” sometime during a burst of activity in 1966-68. The number was recorded in May 1968; it was a tumultuous session even by the quarrelsome band’s highly combative standards, and climaxed with an argument that helped precipitate original bassist Pete Quaife’s exit from the group in 1969. The song was originally intended for inclusion on the quartet’s 1968 album “The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society.” However, Davies’ ongoing indecision about the contents of the album, and his label Pye’s unwillingness to market it as a two-LP set to accommodate his large backlog of songs, led to the number’s excision from the record’s final track listing and its release as a modestly popular British 45 in June 1968. (Finally issued in November 1968, “Village Green” was a critical success in America and ill-received in England; it flopped commercially everywhere. It is today perhaps the Kinks’ most cherished work.) On these shores, “Days” was first intended for an odds-and-sods compilation, “Four More Respected Gentlemen,” which was ultimately scotched by the group’s U.S. label Reprise. The song would finally get an American release on the cobbled-together two-LP set “The Kink Kronikles" (1972). It can be heard in both stereo and mono versions on Essential/Castle’s single-CD reissue of “Village Green” (1998), and on Sanctuary’s expansive three-CD release of the same album (2004), both of which include several songs recorded during sessions for the album and orphaned for various reasons. (I prefer the mono rendering of “Days”; the wide stereo separation reduces the track’s instrumental focus and takes the edge off Davies’ nuanced vocal.) Here’s a link to a lip-synced performance of the song from a 1969 U.K. TV show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzpShIhvrjU According to Andy Miller’s informative little book on “Village Green” (Continuum/33-1/3, 2003), Davies declined to perform “Days” again publicly until after the late Kirsty MacColl’s rendition reached No. 12 on the British charts in 1989. (Elvis Costello would also essay the song, including it on his 1995 collection of covers “Kojak Variety.”) At first glance, it’s easy to see why Davies at first believed that “Days” could occupy a spot among the tracks on “Village Green.” As released, the album dwelled on fast-vanishing elements of English society, and glowed with a burnished nostalgia. It was packed with backward-looking tracks, some of them loving, some of them slightly sardonic: “The Village Green Preservation Society,” “Do You Remember Walter,” “Picture Book,” “Last of the Steam Powered Trains,” “Village Green,” “People Take Pictures of Each Other.” “Days” has a similarly golden hue to it; it sounds the way Terrence Malick’s film “Days of Heaven” looks. Kicking off with two bold major chords, it hangs on a regularly repeated ascending five-note phrase (“Thank you for the days”), echoed melodically in the rise and fall of the rest of the refrain (“Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me”). Masterfully poised, and pitched somewhere between a ballad and a rocker, the song slowly gains power over the course of its two minutes and 52 seconds. It is initially cast as a benediction for times past, and an embracing glance at a departed lover or loved one: I bless the light, I bless the light that shines on you, believe me And though you’re gone, You’re with me every single day, believe me At first blush, this is a number typical of “Village Green,” cocooned sweetly in the past. But “Days” doesn’t shut out the darkness in that past, and is sung in a present that’s uncertain and harrowingly real. It doesn’t take long for Davies to telegraph this – about 45 seconds, in fact. Those endless, sacred, unforgettable days were also “days when you can’t see wrong from right.” The song modulates upward, and Davies’ singing takes on a new urgency: You took my life, But then I knew that very soon you’d leave me But it’s all right Now I’m not frightened of this world, believe me “You took my life?” What a curious choice of words: to reflect on an affair as if it were an act of homicide. You could look at this odd turn of phrase as a statement of all-encompassing love, but in the succeeding line the singer explains he understood the transitory nature of that love almost from the first. As if to deny the singer’s assertion that he’s not “frightened of this world,” amended with an emphatic “believe me” -- an unsettling lyrical motif, with its note of desperation -- the song plummets into a tremulous minor-key bridge about a minute in, with Dave Davies supplying uneasy harmony and sideman Nicky Hopkins’ Mellotron line rising in the mix to exert a somber undertow: I wish today could be tomorrow The night is dark, it just brings sorrow Let it wait The song then repeats itself in an almost incantatory swell, verses reshuffled and minus the bridge, and ends with Davies drawing out the word “Daaaays” like a long dying sigh, as the band, climbing up the scale in a surge to the finish, wraps it with an ecstatic restatement of its opening, almost triumphal unison chord. Quite a tune: A love song, offered as a blessing, about a love that is already over, at once beaming with blinding light and bearing a core of cold dread. It’s among Ray Davies’ most remarkable and subtle songs; to my mind, it makes even a number as arrestingly beautiful as “Waterloo Sunset” sound obvious. It’s all the more astonishing when you consider that its author was not yet 24 when it was recorded. The complexity of its emotion and the sophistication of its execution, both lyrically and musically, are startlingly mature. I cannot concur with Andy Miller’s notion in his “Village Green” book that listening to Davies perform “Days” is an act of “nostalgic communion.” Nostalgia is a feeling of wistful longing. The singer of “Days” venerates his memories, but can’t roll back time and recapture what’s been lost. He’s very much in the now, unable to retreat to those “sacred days,” and fearing that moment when the night falls on him, alone, on the knife edge of another day. This is not the stuff of which “Village Green” is largely made. There is an insurmountable wall between the past and the present in “Days”; to fail to acknowledge that wall is to misapprehend the song’s dimensions. If “Days” has anything in common with any of the songs included on “Village Green,” it’s not with Davies’ yearning songs of bygone Blighty, but with “Big Sky,” the collection’s great anomaly and its most devastating achievement– a terrifying conjuring of a heavenly deity so immense and remote that he cannot hear or sympathize with the cries and the agony of his earthbound supplicants. Pain writ large in the cosmos in “Big Sky” is probed on an intimate, bed-sit level in “Days.” One always runs a risk when characterizing a Ray Davies song as “personal.” He is, after all, a master of artifice and role-playing; many of his best songs (like one of my favorites, the louche, hilarious “Sunny Afternoon”) find him assuming a character. At the time he wrote “Days,” Davies’ personal life, though buffeted by professional uncertainty, was on a relatively even keel, and bore no resemblance to the life encountered in his song. He was still married to his first wife Rasa. He was a young father. He was a star with the future in front of him. Yet “Days” feels like a personal song to me. There is no whiff of artistic sleight-of-hand in it, despite the skill of its craft. Its intense tenderness and empathy, its unlikely yet deftly congruent emotive mix of rapture and bleakness, never feels anything less than honest, heartfelt, and authentic. What experience spawned it? Davies is not forthcoming in “X-Ray,” his “unauthorized autobiography,” which is itself a monumental work of literary theater and ironic distancing. No matter its genesis, this great song reveals the full measure of Davies’ genius. Thank you, Ray, for “Days.” I will carry it in my pocket in my own days to come.

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her-culture · 5 years

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My Top 10 Books of All Time, and Why You Need to Read Them

In my first article for Her Culture, I thought it would be fitting to write about books that have changed my life and shaped my world views in one way or another. My mom was a journalism major, so I guess I could say I got my love of reading from her. She used to read to me every night as a kid and imparted the importance of good literature to me. As a sociology major currently, these were very formative books in my adolescence that not only challenged certain misconceptions about the world, but allowed me to think in a more macroscopic way by reading different perspectives and experiences as well. I put my favorite quote from each book, if it had one, underneath each title—hopefully those will be enough to give you the general gist of each book. These aren’t listed in any particular order, but they are all relatively equally important to me, and it was incredibly hard to narrow it down (stay tuned for honorable mentions at the end):

The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

When I think of this book, I have so many fond and nostalgic memories of adolescence. Even though it was not too long ago, I think this book was really my turning point to begin truly questioning the social facts that govern our society. Although the novel is relatively short, the story holds a much-needed allegory for some of the major plights of Western society: elitism, greed, class, consumerism, etc. I would call this book a buffet of sorts; I say this to mean you can take a plethora of different meanings from Fitzgerald’s relatively straightforward tale. Moreover, I recently learned that Fitzgerald was an Irish immigrant, so the concept of Gatsby’s relentless pursuit to be from East Egg is similar to his own trials and tribulations of fitting into American society—and invariably, not being able to in the end. I really love the imagery and the language in this book as well; essentially, Fitzgerald paints an exquisite portrait of the problem of the consumerist God we worship in America. My favorite imagery in the book is probably the eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckelburg; that’s one of my favorite images ever in literature, actually.

Mrs. Dalloway – Virginia Woolf

“Fear no more the heat of the sun”

This book reminds me of the conversations I’d have with my best friend in high school every day after AP Literature. We’d get coffee and drive around and talk about the various existential topics the book discusses. The book takes place over the course of 24 hours, it essentially covers a middle-aged woman’s retrospective meditation of her life and past decisions as she prepares to throw a party. Although it seems like a simple plot, it delves into ideas about purpose, free will, and even the profound effect strangers can have on your life. I loved the interpolation of other people’s narratives into the story as well; it made the story richer than just Mrs. Dalloway’s narration. Furthermore, I like the stream of consciousness style that you don’t see in many critically acclaimed works, but it makes it feel all the more intimate. Not only do you feel for Mrs. Dalloway, Septimus, and others, but the power of this style of writing makes it seem like you are in that character’s predicament. It reminds me not only of the fragility of life itself, but of the gravity of what you would consider menial everyday interactions can have—the butterfly effect.

Song of Solomon – Toni Morrison

“If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it.”

My mother is specifically to thank for reading this book. She suggested it to me the summer before senior year, and since summer had always been my prime reading time in high school, I read it. Toni Morrison is one of the best writers of the century, without a doubt, and this book is all the proof you need to believe this claim. She created an intricate masterpiece, intertwining various double-entendres—especially with the names of characters, time periods, storylines, and more. Her language is vivid, and every word is meaningful; she has no fillers. Every aspect of the story adds to the jigsaw puzzle that is solved at the end of the book. I’d hate to give any of the plot away, but one of the characters is named Guitar because he’s instrumental to the development of the protagonist, but that’s just one example of her mastery. It explores race, ancestry, colorism, and the power of self as well. This is one of my top favorites of all time, and if I were to order them, this one would without a doubt be close to the top.

Flowers for Algernon – Daniel Keys

“I don’t know what’s worse: to not know what you are and be happy, or to become what you’ve always wanted to be, and feel alone.”

When I first read this book, I was relatively young, but it still had a profound impact. I think it challenged me to think about the power of sentience and that it’s one of the many things we take for granted. It reminds me a bit of some themes in Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men (an honorable mention), but in my opinion, it’s less cliché in a way. Although it’s technically supposed to be a young adult novel, I would say it has a lot of adult themes, so it was a good stepping stone into adult tragedy. Charly’s connection to Algernon is one of the most poignant relationships in literature, and I do feel like this book gets overlooked frequently when we discuss the greats. On another note, it also caused me to evaluate the power of interactions and relationships with others, as humans are innately relational; this book does a fantastic job of capturing that aspect of life.

Jazzy Miz Mozetta – Brenda C. Roberts

“Okay, young cats, let the beat hit your feet.”

This is the only children’s book in my top 10, but for a good reason. This is another book my mother introduced, but way earlier than the others she suggested, as she would read it to me at night. She’d read it probably 3-5 times a week because this was one of my favorite ones. When I see this book, I have so many fond memories of my mother tucking me in with my matching pajamas and warm milk at night. To this day, I appreciate this book as one of the most incredible children’s books of all time. Roberts’ incredible vision of music, color, and sound made me proud to be black at such a young age, in a world that doesn’t want you to feel comfortable in your own skin. Moreover, you don’t see many children’s books with black protagonists, and this was such a fantastic representation. Especially because I also love music, she did such a good job of creating that through the illustrations. It emphasizes community, music, and living life to the fullest.

Tuck Everlasting – Natalie Babbitt

“Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live.”

Tuck Everlasting was one of the first books that really caused me to examine mortality in a secular sense. I went to church school once a week as a kid, and that was the only space where we discussed life and death in that way, so this was an important introduction to the concept of death altogether, in a sense. We’ve all heard about the fountain of youth at one point or another in our lives, and this novel explores that idea essentially. I also really like the tension between immortality and a normal life, somewhat reminiscent of the Greek myth of Eurydice when Orpheus goes back to the Underworld to retrieve her. This is another book connected to my mother actually, who read it at the same time as me so I would have someone to discuss my reading with and bounce off my ideas. I think this is part of the reason this book resonated so deeply with me; I had an adult to converse complex topics of mortality with.

The Virgin Suicides

“It didn't matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadn't heard us calling, still do not hear us, up here in the tree house, with our thinning hair and soft bellies, calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together.”

The above quote is relatively long compared to the rest, but it’s one of my favorite passages in literature. I love the effervescent, ethereal nature of this book. I almost feel nostalgic reading it, although I didn’t grow up in the 70s, but there’s somewhat of a vintage quality to it. These aspects are kind of similar to Lois Lowry’s book A Summer to Die. If you can get past the gruesome, macabre aspect of the actual storyline—young girls committing suicide—you can bask in Eugenides’ masterpiece. His syntax is honestly unmatched, as well as his symbolism. In my opinion, this is a much better version of the popular young adult novel 13 Reasons Why, as it goes into detail about what led to the suicides and you get a look inside the minds of the girls, but from an outsider perspective (as young boys are the narrators of the novel, along with an occasional third person narrator). As a male, Eugenides encapsulates not only youth but the experience of adolescence as a girl as well. The writing is just beautiful, and that’s all I can say about it. The interesting part is that although I guess this would be categorized as a tragedy and certainly has a melancholy tinge to it, you don’t finish the book feeling sad necessarily. I was unsettled, but I still wouldn’t consider it a tragedy per se. Eugenides’ genre-defying classic is one that needs to be acknowledged as the phenomenal work that it is. To this day, I don’t know if I’ve read a book like this one, in the best way possible.

Slaughterhouse-Five – Kurt Vonnegut

“Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.”

The way this book was introduced to me was as a book “about World War II and aliens,” and that is basically the most accurate summary I’ve ever read. It’s hard to say exactly what the premise of this book is because it really is about a wide array of topics, but it’s all connected, and it makes sense when you read it. It had a huge impact on me because I’ve never read a book as non-traditional as this one. I appreciate Vonnegut because he doesn’t subscribe to anyone’s rules—another genre-bender, one could say. It would be diminishing to this work to say that it’s about existentialism, but it is in a sense. The Tralfamadorians (the aliens in the novel), teach Billy how to look at his life macroscopically, and also about the deceptive nature of time. In Vonnegut’s words, “so it goes.”

Tess of the d’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy

“Beauty lay not in the thing, but in what the thing symbolized.”

I can’t lie, I wasn’t the biggest fan of this book when I started it because I wasn’t sure where it was going. It has a Pride and Prejudice nature to it at the beginning before you delve into the plot that makes it seem sort of outdated, and although it is a timepiece technically, the actual message of the novel is timeless. There’s a lot more than meets the surface in this novel, and the imagery is also incredible. Hardy’s message is essentially about “crass casualty and dicing time” which is basically the notion that random things happen to us at random times and there’s nothing we can do about it. This also counters the notion of free will which is an interesting stance especially for the time this book was written. In fact, when this book was first published it was banned because of the depiction of rape and of secularism as well. At the time it was written (The Scarlet Letter era), the woman was the party at fault if she was raped, so it was met with generally negative feedback at first. Once I finished the book, I was a huge fan just because Hardy went against all norms to write such a tale. I specifically like the idea that Tess essentially saves herself in every scenario in the novel; Hardy knew even in 1891 that she didn’t need a man to save her.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao – Junot Díaz

“Each morning, before Jackie started her studies, she wrote on a clean piece of paper: Tarde venientibus ossa. To the latecomers are left the bones.”

This book needs to be regarded as one of the best ones of our generation, as well as Junot Díaz as an author. Not only is this book timely, but it is also timeless. I really liked the integration of the actual history of the Dominican Republic into the novel, and also the acknowledgment of the intersection of race, language, history, and culture as the book is written in Spanglish. We don’t read many books in school or any books that garner any major media attention about Afro-Latino comic book nerds and their histories, so it’s important for a number of reasons. Díaz takes us on a long, vibrant journey through many genres, full of culture, and unrefined.

These are my top 10 books, at least as of right now, as the more books I read, the more the list changes. However, many of these will always remain at the top as classics to me. These are all must-reads not just because of how significant they were to me, but because of their respective contributions to literature. Outside of the fact that a few of them aren’t even categorizable into a genre, these books were truly eye-opening and formative for me. If you like to conceptualize the world and read about various topics from free will to mortality, I would highly consider reading at least a few of these, if not all.

Separately, I would like to think of this list as an ode to my childhood, and even more to my mother. She gave me this passion and this insatiable love of literature, so I truly thank her for taking the time to read to me, with me, and even for her suggestions. I can’t thank her enough.

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #246

(song lyrics here idc)

What is the most you’ve ever eaten in one sitting? I don't know. Probably too many slices of pizza back when I could kill pizza if I was hungry enough. How often do you skip breakfast? Rarely. What’s the longest you’ve gone without leaving the house? A couple+ weeks, probably. Where are you going the next time you go out? School. What kinds of things are likely to make you cry? Reunions of like any type, seeing things (esp. animals) in pain, if my feelings are deeply hurt, deaths... stuff like that. Really nothing unusual. What are some things that make others cry that don’t make you cry at all? Hm. I dunno. I'm sure there's something, but I'm unsure. If you drink/smoke, how often do you do these things? I don't smoke, and I'll ever only have like a drink or two on some holidays or for my birthday. What website do you spend the most time on and why? YouTube because it essentially replaces television for me. What’s the most amount of time you’ve spent online? Is this usual for you? Oh my god don't ask me this. What is one belief you used to have, but no longer do? In what ways are you influenced by the opinions of others, if ever? The one I disdain the most was being homophobic up to my late teenage years. I wanna curb stomp that ignorant fucking kid. I wouldn't say I'm influenced by other's opinions on things very much. What was the last thing to make you feel good about yourself? Drinking water lmao. How would you describe your overall (or preferred) personal aesthetic? My friend recently described me as a "gothic lolita" and y'know he's onta something. What kinds of small judgments are you likely to make about others? *Small* judgments? Uhhhh... God why am I blanking on surveys so much lately. What was the last thing you did mostly because society expected you to? Shower, 'cuz I seriously wasn't feeling it but needed to anyway. When was the last time you felt out of place? I had to babysit my nephew on my own early last month and I felt like I was in a different universe. I felt so, so unfit in the position and just all-around uncomfortable. I love that boy to death but babysitting is noooooot my thing. Do you believe in aliens, spirits, or angels of any sort? Yeah. Well, not "angels" by true definition, no. In what ways are you superstitious? I'm not. Where was the last place you went walking and how far? Would you rather exercise alone or with other people? Like, for fun? Not since I was at Sara's. I DO NOT like exercising in front of other people at all. What kinds of nail polish colors do you prefer to wear? How about makeup? Black is the entirely superior makeup color. How would you describe your own relationship with makeup? It's just for fun for me when I actually feel like it, and even that's rare. I usually only put makeup on for some pictures. Who has been in your life the longest amount of time? What about the shortest? My mom the longest, and my school teachers the shortest, I guess? Who was the last person to leave your life? How about return to it? My fucking therapist that deserves my fist through her face. Return, uhhhh yeah I dunno. It might be Sara, and that was yearsss ago. When it comes to travel, what kinds of places intrigue you most? Wildernesses, especially with mountains, rivers, waterfalls... that kind of stuff. Do you think humans colonizing Mars is a good idea? Would you go, if you could? No. Focus on the goddamn planet we're already on. If it was a life or death situation, I'd go, but otherwise, I'm staying here and at least trying to patch it up. What is the farthest you’ve walked in one day and what made you do it? Oh, many miles, I'm sure. I used to walk for literally hours out in my yard at night with my iPod. That was so common for me. Funny how now I'm recovering from muscle atrophy in my legs. Do you have a chore/housecleaning routine or anything like that? A "routine," no. How organized would you say your living space is? The house is currently a travesty. What is something important that’s often on your mind lately? Success in school. Do you find it easier to forgive yourself or others? Others. Have you ever had to call 911? For who/what reason? Yes; Mom thought she might've been having a heart attack. Thank fuck she wasn't. Do you like oatmeal? If so, what kinds of things do you like in it? Oh yeah. It's like a regular for me now that I'm big time trying to lose weight. I like the apple cinnamon one. What was going on the last time you felt nostalgic? Thinking about that walking question. How much attention do you pay to the movements of the stars and planets, and do you believe they influence anything? The most non-Pagan belief I have is being void of this one. No. When was the last time you were afraid to tell someone something? Heh, speaking of being (mostly, ig) Neo-Pagan. Classmate and I were doing an assignment getting to know each other and she asked my religion. She was a serious Christian and was clearly SO uncomfortable when I awkwardly answered lmao. When was the last time something didn’t go the way you expected it would? My disability case hearing just a week back. I expected to be way, way more terrified, shaking even, and was prepared for an intimidating judge. Just in general I was afraid of it being "court-like" and with a lot of people, but it was okay. I think having my attorney there was crucial to my (relative) calmness, though, because I was comfortable with and liked him. What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? Most difficult that I ever tried, Dark Souls. Quit that waaaay early. Hardest that I've beaten, I honestly think The Legend of Spyro: The Eternal Night. Don't even @ me w/o trying it yourself 'cuz that game was so fucking hard to where I rage-quit for years until beating it. I did play it a second time for fun, though. Still hard. Most involved, oh, easily World of Warcraft. Years of effort put into too many characters la;ksdjfawoei Have you ever taken lessons for anything? Yeah; dance for a very long time as well as guitar. What’s your favorite band’s name? Well Ozzy goes solo. Btw I nearly died when I heard the Parkinson's news wtf life how dare why him- Who is your last sent text to? My mom. What’s your favorite flavor of Gatorade? I do noooot like Gatorade. What does your bikini look like? Oh hunny I'm barely comfortable in a one-piece. Do you drink the milk after you finish cereal or just leave it in the bowl? I can almost never drink it. The taste is just changed and is usually gross. Have you ever worn glitter eyeliner? No, yikes. Imagine that getting in your eye. Has anyone ever called you a hippie? I don't think so. Did you have any unread texts this morning? No. Have you ever been involved in strength training? No. Who is the last person you kissed? Sara. Have you ever been to a pottery painting store? No. Are bonfires common with you and your friends? Not at all. I don't think I've ever done that with friends. If you’re really quiet, what is probably the reason? I'm thinking about something intently. What does your boyfriend/girlfriend call you? N/A How much does the last person you kissed mean to you? A whole lot. Do you use lotion? If my skin is particularly dry. Have you ever used a sewing machine? No. Is hairspray a staple in your morning routine? I've never regularly used it. Do you believe in teenage love? Fuck yes I do, I can promise you that. When is your favorite TV show on regularly? It's discontinued. Who is your favorite person to waste time with? Sara. What has been the most significant thing to happen to you this year? Well, it's the first day of February, so I'll imagine you're asking about the past year, in which case I went back to school. What kind of kid were you when you were seven? Happy, weird, kinda hyper, outgoing and goofy. Do you always eat those mints you get at some restaurants? Yeah, if they're not the semi-soft ones that kinda melt in your mouth. Ew. Is there a subject you know so much about that you’d be able to teach it? Sure, but nothing like seriously important. Do you believe that being ‘cultured’ is important? Why or why not? I mean, probably if you travel. It's definitely wise to try to act at least semi-"appropriately" in another country. Where did you purchase the computer you’re using right now? Best Buy or Office Depot, idr. Do you think it’s fair to compare Family Guy to The Simpsons? I don't care? Will you miss CDs if they end up going obsolete? Why or why not? Not really, I just don't care. If you could relive one hour of your life so far, what would you choose? I don't have a clue. Do you think animals have a sense of humor? Probably. Animals can definitely act silly. Are you proud of your hometown, or do you try to distance yourself from it? That place is shit. Has your idea of the perfect romantic partner changed with age? Oh yeah, to a degree at least. I had such a fairy-tale ideology on love back then. How many cars have you ever owned? Myself, zero. Can you do math in your head well? I almost can't at all. What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip? Oh man, that's hard. Maybe salt and vinegar. Do you ever read the weather forecast? I mean I'll check the app on my phone occasionally. Do amusement park rides make you sick? Thus far in my life, no, but I'm too afraid to try some out of fear of that. Who is your favorite Star Wars character? Don't even like SW. What kind of cheese do you put on your sandwiches? American. What radio station do you listen to the most? None. Who was the last person to give you a gift? A family friend for Christmas. How old were you when you got your driver’s license? I'm about to be 24 and still don't have it. What was the first thing you ever learned how to cook? Scrambled eggs. Did you ever collect beanie babies? Maybe? I know I had one big one (me and my sisters had a matching set of different colors; mine was pink, what a shocker), but idk if I actually collected them. When was the last time you got a haircut? Early last month. Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party? No. How many people can you say you TRULY love? Romantically? Two. Platonically, a whole lot. Where are you most ticklish on your body? My feet jfc. Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail? Nope. What’s the last board game you played? Shit, what's it called. Something with my nephew. It's the one with the popping dice in the middle and four different colors to move around the board. "Sorry!" or something? Have you ever given someone a fake phone number? Might've when stupid kid me made prank calls. Do you have any bumper stickers on your car? No. Do you leave good tips when you eat out at restaurants? I've never been the one paying. Do you still own any VHS tapes? I'm sure Mom has home videos stored somewhere. If there was a real Jurassic Park, would you visit it? Oh fuck yeah 'cuz I'm dumb and love dinos. Have you ever gone golfing? Not legit golfing. Do you know any sign language? No. How many friends do you have that are married? Close friends, like people I still regularly talk to, none. Do you still have your wisdom teeth? Yes. Did you have a swing set in your yard when you were a child? Yes. Do you eat your mac & cheese with a fork or a spoon? I don't really care so I haven't noticed which I usually use. Where did you have your first kiss? His bed. When you were a kid, were you ever afraid of cooties? Lol no. Do you ever go Christmas caroling in December? No, I could never omg. Which overrated tattoo are you sick of seeing? I don’t care. Get what you want. What was the last thing you taught a younger kid? Apparently to say "aw shucks" at everything lmao. Are the clocks in your house mostly digital or analog? Digital. We have on analog in the living room. How long have you had your television(s)? God, years. A loooong time, but it's a fine TV. Do you like watching movies made with CGI or do you prefer hand-drawn ones? I tend to enjoy CGI more. I like realism in what I watch. Where did your parents buy their car(s)? Dad, idk. Mom got hers for free; a dance friend ran into a deer, so the front bumper got fucked up, and she wanted a new vehicle. Mom took it because shit, it was drivable, and she DIY fixed up the bumper to make sure it stays in place. Literally with zip ties and duct tape lmfao but HEY it WORKS. Do you know why your grandparents chose your mother’s name? No. Do you think you’d do well at teaching the English language to a foreigner? I think I'd be at least decent. What is a store you like that is exclusive to your country? Idk what's only exclusive to the country. If you attend school, what time do you usually get home after? Like, 4:35 or so. Mom finishes her field work at 4, and afterwards we go home. Have you written a resume before, either for yourself or someone else? Yes. What is your favorite thing about snow? IT'S PRETTY. What do you usually do when you have trouble sleeping? Try to go back to sleep at first, and if I really can't, I get back up on the laptop for a while. Are you satisfied with your social life (or lack thereof)? NONONONONONONONO. What TV show do you just assume you wouldn’t like? 13 Reasons Why. Do your friends have more money than you? lol duh I make none. Who always has the power to make you feel intimidated? Pretty much men as a whole...

#survey #quiz #questions

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rvkswitzerland · 3 years

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Where To Begin

From Ryan:

So I haven't updated anything since isolation in Winter term. That's ridiculous. Basically I had a solid four months of updates and I've ghosted everyone for the last six months. You're welcome, or I'm sorry. Vicki is better at this than I am. This is true of many things.

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic about the last year. We've finished a full cycle at school and we're in the midst of renewing residence permits and all these types of things. It's been wild. It's been hard. Even not having Al makes this all feel so different. But it's also been a transcendent experience for me.

Maybe it's the mountain air or the fact that I can basically do as I please so long as I'm building up our wonderful community. The month-long breaks are also a major perk. I've learned to ski quite well. I have hiked ridiculous places. I see the most beautiful scenery every single day since we've arrived. I eat strawberries growing along the steps and paths everywhere I go. I write every day now but I've only read a handful of books. I've done so much more and so much less all at the same time.

I can't imagine going back to a middle class, suburban life now. It depresses me to think about that prospect. I miss many privileges of that life but I've found some kind of meaning here - though I'm still making sense of it all. Maybe it's as hollow as everything before but here at least I have the time to think and create. There's a gear in my transmission I didn't know existed. Maybe several. I don't know how to explain it all, which is why I've given up on the blog a bit.

For example, I recently went to visit my parents in Wisconsin and it took an excruciating amount of effort to explain a recent fear-of-near-death hiking experience at the top of a mountain during SAC hike leader training. Really it was an entire hike, several moments of it, not just a moment. And it built on top of the hike the story of the day before. It took me at least an hour to explain and it all got me thinking about the theory of relativity.

How do you describe the Swiss Alps to someone who has never hiked on them? There is no relative experience to draw upon if you've never seen these mountains. The Rockies are nothing by comparison.

I had to explain to my parents some things in excruciating detail just to hope to get my point across. I brought maps and explained hiking concepts like "performance kilometers" despite the fact that neither probably had any visual sense of a kilometer. I still don't and that's how I measure things now. So how does reciting the distance, degrees of slopes, and inclement weather when crossing a snow field ever translate to the basic idea I want to convey? It doesn't. I wanted them to understand the cold, burning fear in the pit of my stomach that if I put my foot just inches to the right on a snow field that I would slide down a mountain. If I couldn't catch myself on the snow field as I slid down then the jagged scree below would have carved me bloody like fingertips on a cheese grater.

Then there was a moment hours later that I embraced the idea of being dead for the first time in my life. I mean really, really understood the idea of being dead. At a certain point of adulthood you understand we all die. It's a different thing to feel it the way that an equation in high school algebra just clicks. It is common sense. Inevitably universal.

As we hiked a high alpine ridge a heavy fog moved in. It was cold, sub-50F. The wind was howling over the ridge we were on. At arm's length the clouds cut over the ridge like the spray of a wake behind a boat at full throttle. It rained all day and we were soaked to the bone and hours behind schedule. I was crawling my way across a mountain peak when we finally agreed that maybe we weren't on our trail anymore - given the fact we were scrambling across a jagged ridge and not walking on a clear trail. We ducked a meter below the leeward side of the ridge to check the map and compass. We were twenty minutes south of where we should have been. A second ridge joined the one we were previously on and the last snowfield put us further south than we expected.

I looked down the cliff below while our hike leader sorted out the way back and realized that if I slipped to my inevitable death it would be fine. After the painful few seconds of making contact with the ground a few hundred meters below it would be as it was before I was born. Nothing. Blank. Absent. Nonexistent.

When we got to safety that thought was invigorating. I missed Vicki more deeply than ever before. That night I wrote a letter for her to read if I die, whatever the circumstances. The world felt bigger and smaller all at once. Everything and nothing mattered. I was angry at the mistakes and pride that led us to that moment. I told the hike leaders as much in no uncertain terms. I was also proud to have made it and I was eager to do it again, maybe even push further. How do I ever explain these contrarian things adequately?

When I was in Wisconsin I heard stories about how my friends and family struggle in ways I can't relate to. I don't have a high-pressure job, bills, expectations, kids, etc. There were plenty of things that felt like snow fields, cliffs, and fogged scrambling over mountain peaks to them. Sometimes they were already being shaved to bits by their own scree. How can I ever understand the struggles of fatherhood? That is its own indescribable mountain that I have never stood in the shadow of.

We all navigate our lives relative to our experiences. You don't need to climb a mountain to get perspective, though I find the mountains quite enjoyable and welcome anyone to Switzerland that wants to visit. I promise a less harrowing experience than what I have alluded to. We all need to pause on our cliffs, check the map, and figure out if we're where we want to be. When we're not on the right path and we take the time to notice the consequences it can change us. Duck beneath the whipping wind of life and get your bearings the next time things feel like they've gone wrong. You can navigate more than you think you can - that I've learned these last six months.

Love from a rainy, cool but otherwise dreamy Switzerland.

- Ryan

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erhiem · 3 years

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For their SS22 collection, GmbH’s Benjamin Alexander Husby and Serhat Ik ask: What does ‘white’ dress mean? Written, which can be read as an unnecessarily incendiary question – ‘But I don’t see the color!!’ – An opposing jib of the post-identity era. Since ancient times, however, white fashion designers have seen the color. They have alienated and belittled other deemed wholes, filtering rich cultural heritage through myopic Western-centric approaches to create outfits suitable for anything other than racist cosplay. At all times, in fashion, at least, whiteness and its associated cultural capital have remained relatively immune to appropriation—until now, that is.

This season, the Berlin-based duo present White Noise, a body of work that evokes the archetypes of whiteness with elegance, humour, sensuality and wit. This creates a subtle undercurrent that runs through their AW21 collection – an investigation into how items such as jodhpurs and riding boots, Fair Isle knits and luxurious furs become coded as assets of a social environment – rich white posho, basically – and the subversive power of putting gray and black bodies in those clothes.

If the pair with subtlety backs their point and then slips under your radar, then, darling, you sure as hell won’t miss it anymore. The white typologies he studied are hardly esoteric—cropped, ruched knits styled with white double-zip-fly denim jodhpurs and calf-swaddling riding boots deliver the full polo-player fantasy, While the sweaters are unintentionally slung over tight shoulders, the poplin shirt tied across Daisy Duke’s front shows Tilly and Rosie watching the match from the sidelines. The clean denim look gives off a nostalgic, blue-jeans Americana air, blended neatly by baseball stripes, and sandy shirts worn with brown vegan leather trousers that call to mind a Midwestern sheriff. keep.

As you will probably have noticed from the description above, for all the seriousness of their chosen subject matter, Benjamin and Serhat’s work has a lightness—that is to say, it is steeped in satire and camp. The fundamentalists he invokes are, for all intents and purposes, very hysterical. Through them, however, they manage to parody the ethnographic strategies of white social institutions in a way that “almost drag, isn’t it,” Benjamin says. “It reminds me of this scene” Paris is burning where the category is ‘Town and Country’.”

Of course, GmbH does not in any way use fashion as a means of questioning, appropriating and destroying the cultural right of whiteness. Among the most notable people to do so in recent memory are the heroes of 90s hip-hop and R&B culture, who took on brands, looks and even clothing that once ‘aspirated’ white ideals. and made them his own—think Aaliyah and Destiny’s Child in Tommy Hilfiger, or Mary J. Blige’s iconic cut denim look. The collection’s closing chapter pays homage to this chapter in fashion history, a suit of denim and pastel faux-fur outerwear in the viral décolleté-bearing ‘Revenge Dress’ silhouette, which they launched last season, which Inspired the creation of GmbH’s Demi. clothing line.

That it’s given a collection with cerebral heft, but for all its cleverness, it doesn’t get lost in the concepts. The clothes we see emerging from the white haze in the presentation film directed by Matt Lambert are accessible and, above all, really fucking hot. Here, Benjamin and Serhat fill us in with the thoughts behind one of the standout menswear collections of the season so far.

So, white noise. Tell me about the title.

Benjamin Alexander Husby: It was partly inspired by this Don DeLillo book that I recently re-read. It touches on a lot of the volatile suburban themes surrounding death and the mediocrity of everyday life, which now feel very connected to our lives. On a more thematic note, however, our collections have always been very responsive, reacting to how we felt and what was happening in the world over and over again. This time it was more about an interest in studying what whiteness and white culture really is. As BIPOCs, we constantly have to deal with our own brownness, our blackness – we have to constantly defend and investigate it – and white people don’t have that. They don’t need to think about whiteness cause it’s right are you there, it’s just supposed to be the default.

Serhat Isik: It’s an exploration that we actually started last season, but not many people picked up on the codes we were alluding to – horse riding, skiing and all these activities that, in general, are not well reserved. but are known to be part of upper-class white culture.

Bah: Yes, That Very WASPy, Country Club Fantasy

and: Somehow, it wasn’t really clear enough for people, so this season is basically making it clear to us! GmbH as a project has always been about freeing our minds from colonization through fashion and in collaboration with our community. We’ve always been expected to describe our own cultures – and that’s a big part of what we do and what we’ve done so far. But the culture we are looking for here is what we were born in, and yet it has always been said that we are not a part of it. We wanted to find out what it looked like for a brand like GmbH to flip things over and suit white culture.

Bah: However, it’s important to say that it’s done with a bit of twisted humour. And also it’s not just about whiteness – trying to understand the tropes and archetypes of this American Dream ideal of white culture was our starting point, but then we went back to something we were always interested in – Exploring how brown and black people have historically appropriated or distorted white culture. It was pretty obvious to grow up in the 90s, it became a very influential thing in music culture, for example

Yep, there’s a switch around Look 20 where it started to remind me a little bit of Janet Jackson and Mary J Blige. But what got you interested in knowing how those kinds of figures are associated with whiteness in the ’90s next to the wealthy white fanatics we see before?

and: For me, it was really about shifting the narrative. Working in the post-identity era, I feel like there’s so much noise out there that I almost wanted to step back for a moment and focus on doing something there that was before we started GmbH. Get out of the conversation. We always say that fashion is a tool we use to raise awareness or talk about things we want to talk about, so we need a moment to regroup and rethink. How can we do it without doing the same thing. This is what drew me personally to continue researching the topic and really turn it around. Even if someone came along and said, “Oh, now they’re enforcing white culture?!”, that’s already a different conversation, and it’s the one I’m interested in hearing because It plays. I instead say, ‘They’re celebrating their culture! I love Middle Eastern patterns!’, because that’s what’s always expected of us. And it’s beautiful, sure, but now, let’s fuck things up!

Bah: I think we are all tired of constantly battling with our identities.

and: There is also a point that I get bored with it. It’s almost like we’re hoping to play into this narrative of introducing one Middle Eastern, quirky-inspired collection after another. But now we’re saying: No — let’s talk about you. Let’s talk about whiteness. Let’s talk about how we’re adapting to your culture, and see how you respond.

Bah: And if we talk about race and colour, one thing has to be acknowledged that we did not name ourselves ‘Brown’ or ‘Black’. This nomenclature is the product of a white colonial culture – so maybe whiteness is the problem. Maybe that’s what we need to understand and explore.

Here you do this by looking at the white typology, but you do it with a fairly light touch. Some of it is really camp – there’s the reality of varsity polo matches, baseball players, cowboys, Daisy Dukes… What drew you to the specific ideals you sought?

and: In some ways, it was because they were so obvious. And because codes are so important in what we do, especially codes that are used to oppress people of color, it’s also about investigating where the power lies. On another level, though, we just wanted to show everyone how we can make these archetypes really sexy in a way that might not be expected.

Another key feature of this season is your collaboration with queer Palestinian label Trashy Clothing. Tell us a little more about it and how you started working together.

BAH: It is run by Shukri Lawrence and Omar Brika, two Palestinian people based in Jordan. They reached out to us a while back, and we started a conversation about doing something together. They’ve done a lot of research into Palestinian graphic design, both political and non-political, and we’ve decided it makes sense to do something on our show – for a very visible T-shirt called Free. is Palestine. The T-shirt is for charity, but I think it’s important to point out that this is not what Palestinians are primarily asking for; They are demanding solidarity and visibility, and their voices be heard. We realized that making a very simple statement at a fashion show was one of the ways we could help keep that conversation going. This is a very serious situation, and for the first time in my life, I feel that the mainstream narrative is changing. We want to continue that conversation and momentum, no matter what.

and: That’s what’s great about fashion, and that’s one of the things we love about it — there’s a banter to it, but it’s very immediate.