#finally started getting into star trek properly!! yay!!!

[pepperhatter]

a most curious creature

[nerdgatehobbit]

1/3/24

First ramble post of the year! Yay!

I have begun my Static Shock (re-ish) watch; there'll be just one post every Saturday, partially in case I fall behind but also because I know it's not especially on anyone else's radar. Also, I obtained the DVDs with 2022's Christmas money, so it's about time I got around to watching the show.

Right now, I'm thinking about doing a handful of Power Rangers posts on the 28th of each month, since that's the anniversary date in August. I do need to get around to screencapping The Librarians TV show as well as 'properly' screencapping BBC Merlin, as last time around I did not exactly do a thorough job. In my defense, my priority there was obtaining images of Gwen and her wardrobe, which I did achieve! With the exception of her combat outfit in the first season finale; I can only hope my skills will have improved by the time I try again.

Hopefully I'll start watching Leverage later this month, but I'm on the fence about screencapping it. It'll probably depend on how quickly I'll take to it.

One last note!

Happy 31st anniversary to Star Trek Deep Space 9! That's right, it's time for me start screencapping season 2 after a longer-than-intended hiatus!

[theimmaterialplace]

holding on | emily prentiss x reader & spencer reid x reader | ch. 2: falling

Chapter Summary: The morning after the reveal of Emily’s death and a conversation with Spencer.

Contains: mentions of cat-calling and panic attacks, light kissing, grief and mourning.

Word Count: 2.4k 

Comments: this fic is my new baby and i will nurture it to its end. this is gonna end up being a long story and emily won't reappear for at least another 25k so there's that! also look i gave a little flashback to their relationship! in case i didn't elaborate enough, spencer and reader are quite close and have known each other since elle left which ill get into in another chapter! so that's why she has some of his clothes and why he's so close to her and latching onto her. reader is going through it rn but she's shoving it aside which isn't healthy and not good in the long run so she'll have to adress it eventually but that's not now! she's kinda numb rn and trying to keep it together for spencer which is going... as well as one would expect.

i think my favorite line in this was "The song ends but the moment doesn’t." and "But all moments have to come to an end."next chapter, we'll be getting the rest of the bau team (yay!) and emily's funeral (💔)! reblogs and comments are highly appreciated! i love hearing feedback even if it’s something small!

also i’m gonna do a taglist for this fic so if you’d like to be added, send me an ask with the username you’d like to be tagged with!

masterlist | read on ao3

What am I now? What am I now?

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling

- Harry Styles, "Falling"

When the morning comes, you wake up first on your couch and feel a crick in your neck. The night’s memories rush back to your mind and you immediately feel nauseous. You manage to very carefully separate yourself from Spencer and manage to make it to the restroom in time to vomit.

It’s awful.

You don’t even know why it’s still hitting you so hard when Spencer is the one that should be feeling like this. He’s the one that’s known her for years and you were nothing but a fling for her.

You don’t glance at yourself when you exit your bathroom, already knowing the state you’re in. When you enter your living room, Spencer is still out so you decide to do the next best thing you can for him.

You’re thankful that you already have some leftover ground coffee beans from the day before because you really don’t want to wake him up before you can put a cup of coffee in his hands.  Going through the motions of making coffee and then a simple breakfast is calming.

You’re unsure if Spencer will be able to stomach anything if he’s anything like you are now so you make the lightest meal you can. When the coffee machine beeps, you grab two mugs and begin making the coffee the way he likes.

It’s as you’re making your own coffee that you’re interrupted by Spencer calling out your name. You turn around and find him rubbing his eyes and looking a bit better than when he first came in.

“Hey, Spence. I have some coffee if you want some,” you grab his mug at his nod and place it in his trembling hands, “it’s just how you like. Ninety percent sugar and cream and ten percent actual coffee.” A small smile crept onto his face at your joke and you’re glad you’ve managed to make him smile even if it’s just a little bit.

He sips on his coffee and you decide to plate the food that’s still warm onto your dining table. He follows and takes the seat across from you, mumbling his thanks. You both eat in silence for there are no words or fun quips to share with Emily gone.

Spencer is the first to break the silence. “Thank you… Thank you for last night. I couldn’t stay with my team after that. It was just too personal. I know I’ve mentioned it before but I’m the youngest of the team and though they mean well, they tend to baby me. I… I couldn’t handle it so I left them.” He pauses, fingertips tapping in a familiar tune on the ceramic mug, “I didn’t want to be alone and you’re the first person I thought of. I know you know… knew Emily and that you would just be there for me so thank you.”

He looks directly into your eyes as he says this and you know how serious this must mean for him so you reach out for his hand, which he extends for you, and squeeze it in your own. You have to articulate your response properly because you don’t want to scare him off by saying the wrong thing.

Maintaining eye contact, you speak, “I’m glad I was able to be there for you, Spencer. To be the first person you came to means a lot to me. I hope you know I’ll always be there for you, for the small and the big things. While I may not be as close… While I may not have been as close to Emily as you were, I will still grieve for her. Just knowing how much she meant to you is enough for me to know how much a beautiful person she was. From the little glimpses I’ve seen of her and the tidbits you’ve told me over the years, I know this is going to be one of the hardest things for you… and if you let me, I’d like to be there for you.”

He’s like an open book after you’ve told him your resolve, like the book you’ve reread more times you can count and the original copy has been worn down due with some of the passages long gone but memorized in your heart. His eyes are watering again and he’s out of his seat faster than you can comprehend and he lifts you up and his arms wrap around you tightly, as if you’re his lifeline.

He whispers words of gratitude into the crown of your head and you hold him back just as tightly, tears springing to your eyes. You’d do anything to take his pain away and if this is all you can do then you’ll do it willingly.

“I want you here,” his voice is low and wrecked, “I.. I don’t want to be alone. Please. Please don’t leave me. Everyone leaves, Please…”

You look up to him and grab his face gently in your hands, wiping the tears from his cheek as you say, “I’m not leaving, Spencer. I’m right here. I’m here for you always. I promise not to leave you. I’m with you. I’m here.” At this, he looks even more broken and only nods his head, breath hitching and his sobs ceasing for the moment. You know it’s not enough for him so you guide one of  his hands to the pulse on your wrist.

“Count.” And he does, his mind focuses on the beat and it calms him; it reassures him you’re still alive.

When the minute is over, he looks significantly more calm and less likely to cry again. He looks at you like he can’t believe you’re really there and you pull him in again. Physical contact is meant to ground people and you only hope this helps him.

A shrill ring interrupts your thoughts and you know it’s Spencer’s because you’ve heard it many times before from him and Emily both.

He lets go of you to answer it and he tenses immediately as he hears whoever it is on the other line. He says a few things in response and his eyes become glassy again. He hangs up only a few moments later and turns to you.

“My team wants me to help inform Emily’s mother of her death so we can start planning her funeral…” He closes his eyes shut and his fingers clench into his palms. Slowly, you walk up to him and unfold his palms and find red, crescent indents on his palms.

“I can drive you…? I know you took the metro here. Let me help, Spencer.” He just nods and you lead him to the bathroom to help tidy him up. You turn the faucet on and hand him his toothbrush, your fingers lingering on Emily’s red one before grabbing your own. It’s a familiar routine and as you finish, you leave to let him use the restroom and wash up while you rack through your closet to find something he's left over to wear for the day.

You manage to find a striped brown button up and matching brown pants while you put on a simple outfit, a grey long sleeve with jeans and a pair of black vans. You knock on the door and he opens it after a moment and takes his clothes from you. You go back to your room to fix up your hair and after a while you deem it acceptable.

As you’re doing your makeup routine, you hear a knock then, “Are you decent?”

“Come in, I’m almost done.” The door opens and you catch his reflection in your mirror. He looks better but the despair that clings to him is obvious to you.

He lets a small smile fill his face and though it doesn’t reach his eyes, you still match it. “I’m surprised you still had this. I had wondered where this outfit had gone but I remember that when I stayed over that night I had to leave immediately and left it here.”

“Well, I wouldn’t just throw it away and I kept forgetting to give it back to you. It’s a good thing otherwise you’d be left in some sweatpants and a Star Trek t-shirt.” He lets out a small laugh at that and you’re grateful you’re able to get him to genuinely laugh.

“Okay, I’m done. We can head out now.” He follows you out of your apartment and into the passenger seat of your car. The ride is silent to Quantico, unlike the usual rides you give him where you play a new genre for him and for him to compare it to his classical music and talk about some facts of the music.

When you finally arrive, you both sit there. He doesn’t want to leave and face reality and you don’t want to be left alone with only the truth to haunt you.

Spencer breaks the silence once again, “Thank you for everything. I don’t know where I would’ve gone last night… If you can, can you pick me up later? I… I can’t be with the team right now. It’s just too fresh.”

“Of course, Spencer. Just send me a text a bit before and I’ll be there.” He nods and gives you a quick hug before leaving and your eyes follow him until he’s nothing but a pinprick in your vision.

Like a switch flipped, you can only think of Emily. It’s not fair that she… that Emily is gone, that’s she’s dead. You never thought this was a probability. She was always such an impervious figure in your mind, a larger than life kind of person. You knew it was a possibility in her line of work but it never crossed your mind that it could actually happen to her. She was a strong woman, never letting anything affect her and you can’t believe she’s gone.

You shouldn’t even feel this strongly for her, you’re not meant to be more than a friend to her but you can’t help but think of her as your lover. Every little moment you’ve shared with her flashes in your mind. One in particular stands out, one that had happened only a month or two ago.

“Ugh, Emily. We’ve gotta go or else tomorrow morning is gonna be hell for the both of us.” You drag her away from the bar and shoot a smile at the bartender who only shakes her head and mouths “have a nice night”.

“ No ,” she whines, “I don’t want to, babe. We were having so much fun. Let’s stay here and dance some more.” She grins at you, taking your hand and pulling you back into the crowd. You let her because you can never say no to her, not when she’s looking at you with those eyes and that smile.

Her mood is infectious and you let her have this one last dance. It’s not even a song you know but you think it might be your new favorite with the way she twirls you around and looks at you with affection and fondness.

Being with Emily is the best thing that’s ever happened to you, even if this is a temporary thing. You would do anything for her, even leave her alone if that’s what she wanted.

The song ends but the moment doesn’t.

“Okay, okay, Em. We really need to go now.” She pouts at you but relents and follows you out of the club.

Before you reach your car, she pulls you in, her hands cradling your face, and she’s looking at you in wonder, “Y’know I can’t believe you’re actually here. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You mean so much to me. I hope you know that.” She leans in and kisses you. You savor every moment of it, feeling her smile against your lips. Like an imp, she grins widely and leaves multiple pecks around your lips, never quite touching.

It’s just you and her in that moment and she’s never seemed more lovely than in that exact moment.

Deciding that her actions are enough, you grab her by the chin and your free arm wraps around her waist so that she’s flush against you and slam your lips onto her own. Every emotion you’ve felt for her is poured into the kiss and you hope she can feel it. It’s passionate and messy and it leaves you wanting more.

She lets out a small moan when you move your mouth to pepper kisses onto her jaw and to suck on her sweet spot, sighing praises into her skin as if they’ll imprint on her, an irrefutable claim.

You’re not sure how much time passes between that moment but you only stop when you hear multiple wolf whistles and she groans before pulling away from you and yells at the offenders, “Shows’ over, you fucks!” Then she turns to you and leers, “We’ll finish this back at my place.”

You’re only able to nod and look at her in awe,  “Emily Prentiss… what a woman you are. I’ll never be able to forget you know?”

She smiles even wider at your admission, and beckons you forward and of course you come closer and she admits quietly, “You won’t ever have the chance to. I plan on never letting you go.”

But all moments have to come to an end.

If only that was the truth because she never brought up the conversation the morning after. Whether she actually remembered it and shoved it aside or she genuinely couldn’t remember, you can’t decide what’s worse. You never mention it because you don’t want to ruin something that already works and now… Now you would never have the chance to find out because Emily was dead.

Tears well up in your eyes and you recognize the signs of an oncoming panic attack. It’s with a wet laugh that you realize that you were right, your dramatic thoughts from the night she texted you had come true.

Emily Prentiss would haunt you forever and you’ll let her if it means you’ll never forget what she sounded like or what each gleam in her eye or each smile meant.

[ineffablefool]

The Shore Leave One update: it's almost done! It's also like 6000 words. I am quite sure that it doesn't need to be that long, that there is a lot of cruft which I should really go through and locate and remove. I wrote most of it in India, where I was stressed out a lot and kept needing softness to escape into (and also where I kept getting the weird anxiety that started up at the end of August, where the only thing that stops it besides medication is working on fic, or sometimes drawing). But I would rather just post it and accept its flaws. And if it actually winds up coherent to anyone but me, then, uh, yay, more story to read?

The really exciting thing (to me) is that last night I finally hooked up my old scanner (circa about 2006, but Epson has drivers for Windows 8 by either an ethereal or occult miracle), properly scanned my Team Science Aziraphale sketch, and also drew and scanned a new sketch of Galactic High Commissioner Crowley. I'll drop them, uh, at some point, whenever I'm done fussing with the colors and stuff. I also plan to link to them in the AO3 post on Monday. Just smeary un-inked sketches (which technically form one image, but they're separate through the magic of tracing paper), which are then crudely flatted using a mouse, but at least this time my multiply layer isn't yellow!

If my Star Trek peeps enjoy either the art or the story, please remember that you aren't obligated to tell me at all -- but if you want to geek out with me, oh yes please I am very excited to hear from you. I'm really, really not an important fancy person, and nobody should feel the least bit intimidated by me.

[cromulentbookreview]

Ambergris!

Amberlough, Armistice, Amnesty...Ambergris? That could be a potential title for a 4th book, right? I mean, Ambergris is basically whale poo that makes perfume, but hey, it’d be a cool title. It’s also the basis of an awesome Bob’s Burgers episode.

I couldn’t find a gif from the actual episode, so...I picked this one.

And by all of that, I mean: Amnesty, book three of the Amberlough Dossier by Lara Elena Donnelly!

Hoo boy. 

So there are two things I really, really love in a story: old timey spycraft (there’s a reason why one of my favorite ever TV series is TURN: Washington’s Spies. You don’t get more crafty than 18th century spycrafting!) and Art Deco. I love Art Deco. I love the style that emerged in the 1920s and 30s - when fashion, especially for women, took a massive heel-face-turn, when electricity was only just becoming mainstream, cars were phasing out horse-drawn transport, radio was becoming a thing and everybody smoked like chimneys and drank like fish, and figured it probably wasn’t bad for you. Seriously, you go from the 1910s, where women’s skirts were floor-length and heaven forbid someone see your ankles, to dresses with hemlines above the knee. We’re talking knee-exposure, people! That is a DEFCON-1 sartorial situation, people! Edwardian matrons are having heart attacks at the sight of their granddaughters’ knees. The 20s and 30s it seems combine the sort of fun, old-timey lawlessness of Ye Olden Days with just a enough modernity so things are fun. I mean, come on, it’s like Boardwalk Empire or The Untouchables, or Jeeves and Wooster or Caberet. Or the planet Sigma Iotia II from the Star Trek episode A Piece of the Action. 

OK, so my love of the 20s and 30s and old timey spycraft has been well-established, right? Yeah, those are both things I very much enjoy. I love John Le Carre’s George Smiley books because that’s back when spying involved handwritten notes taped to the backs of benches and dead-drops in train station lockers. I’m sure modern spycraft still uses some of these old-school methods - you can’t hack a piece of paper, after all - but old timey spycraft just sounds, I dunno, more fun than modern spycraft. At least, it’s more fun for me to read about.

Anyway! This brings me around to Lara Elena Donnelly’s Amberlough Dossier series.

The Amberlough Dossier is technically a fantasy series because it takes place in a world that doesn’t exist. Though that world seems extremely familiar - it’s basically Sigma Iotia II from A Piece of the Action, or Berlin of Christopher Isherwood’s 1930s - a world of decadence, caberet, free-flowing booze and cigarettes...that is slowly rotting from the inside out. 1930s Germany is a fascinating place - and by “fascinating” I mean “pants-pissing-levels of terrifying.” As someone who spent many, many, many, some would say “too many” years spent learning German, a language I almost never, ever use in my daily life (like, ever), I also spent a lot of time learning about German history. The way the rise of the Nazis also saw the rise of the Kabarett. Anyway, Amberlough City is very much like a mix of New York, London, and Berlin of the 30s. You’ve got all the fun of the 30s, mixed with the rise of a Fascist party called the One State Party, or OSP, frequently referred to as “Ospies.”

Now, if you haven’t read Amberlough and Armistice, you should. You really should. In fact, why don’t you do that. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Did you read them? Aren’t they fantastic? OK. So, on to the grand finale: Amnesty!

Just as Armistice begins with a three-year time jump after the events of Amberlough, Amnesty does the same, only this time, it’s five years after the events of Armistice, eight years after everything that went down during Amberlough. I’m not always a fan of time jumps - more often than not they make me angry, because I want to know absolutely everything that happens all the time always. Only, in the case of Amnesty, as with Armistice, I got over it pretty quick. Donnelly knows how to smooth over a time jump, filling us in with the events that happened in-between, and it does make sense that, for the most part, most major events of interest don’t always take place in perfect, chronological order. Anyway, we’re at five years after Armistice - Aristide and Daoud failed in their efforts to find Cyril in the Lisoan jungle, and they ended up setting up their own half-legit import/export business instead. Things are going pretty well - then Aristide gets a phone call from Prince Asiyah. They’ve found Cyril. Gasp!!

Meanwhile, in Amberlough, the Ospies have fallen. The revolution is over. If you were hoping for a whole book dedicated to guerilla warfare between Spotlight and the Ospies, well...sorry, you’ll be disappointed. Instead, we skip immediately to the interim government, trying to rebuild Amberlough from scratch. Lillian DePaul, with her husband Jinadh Addas and their son Stephen, now 13, have relocated back to the DePaul family home in Amberlough. The houses (a country estate and a town house) didn’t fare too well during Ospie rule, nor did the DePaul family’s assets. Plus, there’s also Cyril’s reputation is traitor to the nation to deal with. So Lillian, practically broke, has to contend with two crumbling houses that she can’t afford to staff properly, a husband who is not 100% happy with life in Amberlough, and a 13-year-old boy who acts like, well, a 13-year-old boy. Namely: moody, pissy and generally insufferable.

Then she gets a call out of nowhere from her old kind-of-sort-of-friend, Aristide Makricosta, with the news that her brother Cyril is still alive, and heading back to come stay with her. Yay?

Poor Cyril. Things were not great for him during the 8 years between the end of Amberlough and the start of Amnesty. He’d spent most of that time running dangerous ops for the Lisoan government in the jungle, with little regard for his own life. So when he finally emerges back to civilization he’s...well, different. There’s definitely a strong combination of PTSD and extreme guilt there. Plus a bit of survivalist kleptomania (hey, if you don’t know when you’re going to eat next, you’d squirrel away bits of food, too). Cyril is basically a man with a death wish, not giving a fuck about much of anything, preferring instead to retreat behind the mask of his work identities. Now he’s back - reunited with his old lover, Aristide, and his sister, Lillian. Plus, he gets to finally meet his nephew, Stephen.

But Cyril’s return to Amberlough isn’t exactly the best idea: once word gets out that he’s back, one of the politicians running for president of the new Amberlough decides to use Cyril as a political platform, namely that he should be arrested and put to death for treason. Cyril is like “sure, OK,” to that, but Lillian and Aristide? Yeah, they definitely don’t like that idea, and now they have to scramble to save not just Cyril, but themselves as well.

OK, so I fricking love this series. I tore through Amberlough and Armistice in just a couple of days, and I’m a slow reader, so that’s saying something. Amnesty is a completely satisfying end to the series, though I will still want more details about Cyril’s SuperHappyFun Jungle Adventures, or Aristide’s adventures in Porachis Bollywood or Coredlia’s rise as the leader of the resistance. Having those time gaps between books means we get to imagine all the adventures that happened in between. Which means: fanfiction! Woo! Or possible future short stories of novellas. (Cough cough hint hint Ms. Donnelly). If you’re not fond of big time gaps, then you might find this series frustrating, but still, Amnesty is an absolutely satisfying conclusion to the series.

My biggest complaint is, however, most definitely a spoiler, so I will be as vague as possible: one of the characters is killed off between Armistice and Amnesty. At first, I was pissed - it’s like when a character is killed off between seasons of a TV show because the actor got fired or left for a different job. You’re like, “noooo!” but, going directly from Armistice to Amnesty, the death of this particular character does make sense, and it’s not like their death is dismissed with a hand wave. It’s a huge part of the story. I’d already forgiven the off-screen death by the time I’d gotten halfway through the book. So if you’re tempted to throw the book across the room when you learn that [character] died between books, don’t. Keep going. You’d be cheating yourself otherwise.

My second biggest complaint is that we never get a map that includes the exact locations of Liso and Porachis. I want to know where everything is, damn it!

In all, you need to read this series. If you want a fantastic LGBTQ romance, a story that spans nearly a decade, old-timey Le Carre-level spycraft, political infighting, scheming, and a 1930s-esque world, then you need to read the entire Amberlough Dossier. Go on. You know you want to.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Fans of worlds inspired by the 20s and 30s, John Le Carre fans, anyone in need for a LGBTQ romance with spycraft elements.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anybody not interested in reading about the minutiae of politics of a world that doesn’t exist. I love that sort of thing but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

OVERALL SERIES RATING: 5/5

AMNESTY RATING: 4.5/5

AMNESTY RELEASE DATE: April 16, 2019

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR ANOTHER BOOK / NOVELLA / SHORT STORY / ANYTHING: Olympus Mons

[neth-dugan]

Nine Worlds - Friday

Thursday found [here]

After having had only a couple hours sleep, we got up and got ready for the day. Some of us took longer than others, and no that wasn’t me. @laalratty @knittedace and I went to get breakfast outside of costume and then went back to our rooms to get properly dressed. I also had a nap on the bed as the first session doesn’t start until 10am, which helped I think. But I did spend the rest of the day very tired.

EDUCATION AT HOGWARTS

The first panel I went to at the convention proper, and @unwoundbobbin was on it which was a bonus. 

It was a fun talk in which everyone agreed that education at Hogwarts is severely lacking, completely skips some very important subjects and really needs to look at quality of teaching.

As much as we are meant to root for Hogwarts and its independence, it’s an industry checking itself and what happens when people we don’t like are in charge? Someone said that it’s a great thing to show teachers who are fed up with having a curriculum and ofsted inspections. I agree. There was also a lot of talk that as much as muggle studies needs to be better and mandatory, there needs to be an introductory course for muggle raised students so they know what they’re getting into, the world they’re dumped in and so on. And, as a panelist pointed out, to better know all the shibboleths. She also mused that this may be exactly the reason they don’t do that and honestly, probably true.

ACE REPRESENTATION

So, I did a panel on a similar theme several years back and I was curious how this one would go. It took a different tone but times have moved. A lot of the panelists are relatively new to the community but then there was Nat Titman who is one of the founding persons of the asexual community. 

I didn’t learn a lot, but it was nice to be in a room with a ton of aces talking about ace things. Aros talking about aro things. People still hating on Moffat for the crap he has spewed. Being inclusive aof aros and demis. Which I know for a fact meant a lot to some, as I was talking to a demi person at that meeting later that day who brought it up. I got to espouse my theory on how Yuuri Katsuki is so so very demi even if language, culture and censorship means it’ll never be explicitly canon. 

BSL FOR GEEKS

This was amazing! I know how to say thank you and ‘g’ and that is it. So this was pretty great. Aside from being able to tell you my name at the end, I was delighted to learn the sign for Star Trek is literally the Vulcan salute. I also learnt how to say ‘Space, the final frontier’ though I probably do it with a massive accent. I learnt that this is the new sign coming up for trans:

...and tumblr provides a demonstration of this. Not video from the con.

Which is related to the sign for soul.  Also I learned the sign that’s becoming popular for queer which is a ‘q’ in the motion of a rainbow and it’s awesome.

There were lots of character names and phrases and there’s no way I’m going to remain most of it. And I had a weird hand thing going on that this made worse. So by the end of it, my hand hurt a fair bit. But it was fantastic. It was presented by a a group of interpreters and deaf people who bounced off of each other really well. One person even forgot how to spell their own name. But given a person who shall remain nameless forgot what their name even was at a different session? This isn’t the worst I heard of. 

I really loved it, and this was one of my favourite sessions at the entire convention. I wanted to go to the after dark one for adults only, in which there’d be swearing, but alas I had to take care of my hand and so decided it was a no go.

EVERYBODY HATES MORAL PHILOSOPHERS: THE ETHICS OF THE GOOD PLACE

I’m a big fan of this show. I came across it on Netflix and then got my Mom into it and it is brilliant. It’s smart and funny and thinky all at once. This session was more of a lecture than a panel or workshop which fit, because the person giving it is a philosophy professor. Not a moral philosopher, but a philosopher.

It turns out that it isn’t so much that everyone hates moral philosophers, it’s just really hard to be one. But whilst we were waiting for the session to start I spotted a person in front of me dressed up as Janet. I asked to confirm and was told, perfectly in character that interesting fact, they were Janet. And proceeded to give me a cactus sticky note with a Janet phrase on it. I sent a photo and a test to my Mom who loved it.

 ...I do have a picture, but didn’t ask permission to post on the internet so here is a close approximation minus cactus. 

The lecture itself was pretty interesting. Turns out the writers are using real philosophy and real books and theories and the like when making the show. I can see how Chidi would get so anxious if he follows Kant. Even the text books given to Eleanor are ones the speaker has themselves and sees as foundational texts. So yay! She went through a few schools of philosophy that pop up in the show and it was fun.

Someone pointed out that it seemed that each of the human four seemed to be missing one of the classical virtues. The speaker agreed. There was lots of debate about fair or just the system in this show is, and also how much about it we can objectively know given Michael’s aim in the first season. I pointed out that the entire thing seemed to be unfair to those with disadvantages or some mental health conditions. The last episode of the latest season, without getting into spoilers too much, entirely takes advantage of things about two characters that they’ve no way of doing away with and/or find near impossible to control. It sucks. There seemed to be agreement on this. Privilege, it seems, exists in the systems of The Good Place as we currently know them.

ASSIMILATION AND IDENTITY IN STAR TREK

This was a session hosted by Jaime who some may know and is pretty awesome. I don’t always agree with them on everything but I do appreciate them. And I didn’t agree with a good amount of what was said here. Not that I think it’s wrong, just that some of it is a matter of perspective and assigning aims and motivations to characters that aren’t, to me, clear in canon. I tend to think Worf handed his son off to his parents because he never asked for a kid, didn’t know he had one, works a dangerous job, has no experience parenting and lives on a ship that goes through a major crisis on a fairly regular basis. But people can disagree.

There are some things about Trek that.... aren’t the best. The whole area around the Ferengi is a tricky area and a bit of a mess. I love them, I love the actors, I love some of their episodes, but there are anti-semitic tropes in there made all the more there by the fact that most of the Ferengi actors are of Jewish decent. It’s problematic. It’s meant to be a critic of capitalism and modern culture. Of US. I’ve heard various Trek folk basically state that of all the species in Star Trek, the Ferengi represent modern day humans. But. They fell back on some problematic crap and there’s no way of escaping that.

There was one point when I was a bit worried it was going to get a bit anti-atheist but it didn’t thank goodness. And that’s a whole other thing.

There’s a clip that’s pretty famous amongst DS9 fans, that you fan find here, that exemplifies some of what this panel was about. Not all of it, but some. It was running through my head for sure. After the session ended a group of us had a chat after. It brought up a lot of things to talk about, new ways of looking at things and agree or not that’s usually a good thing.

...Moogie!

‘OH, BRILLIANT.’ ANTICIPATING THE THIRTEENTH DOCTOR

This one had @knittedace on the panel! She’d been talking about doing it last year and here we were . She in her hand knitted Dalek dress, me in the audience feeling a bit woozy and tired. 

Mostly, it did exactly what the tin said. People being excited for Thirteen, recalling days when they’d written fic on the idea but never thought it possible, what people wanted to see or not see and the like. Mostly, it was a feel good panel with happy people glad for a new start that would bring in new and old fans alike.

Someone on the panel pointed out that for some kids, they’ll have never known a time when The Doctor couldn’t be a woman. For whom their Doctor is a woman. And that is amazing. And she gets to keep her accent too, and there is hope we will see some of the North this season. Not just more London, or Cardiff as London.

For myself, I’ve always figured some Time Lords could change genders and sexes. Some couldn’t. And doing so was some kind of Time Lord intersex thing. But I was never really rooting for a woman Doctor.... yet when they announced it was going to happen? I was excited and relieved in a way I hadn’t imagined I would be.

Bring it on.

INTERVAL

At this point I found myself in the bar with some ginger ale talking to some people I’ve never med before. One was a demi person who had been at the Ace Rep talk and was very relieved to see demis included. I explained about the history of the flag and how they’re explicitly on it. Outside of some gatekeepers, the ace community I know has always embraced those other identities under the ace umbrella. 

Me, them and a friend of theirs made our way downstairs after a good chin wag to get good seats for the next panel. We figured we’d probably need them and coincidentally we were all going to the same one. 

FROM A/B/O TO DUBIOUS CONSENTACLES

I’m still not sure what dubious consentacles are to be honest. My mind goes to dubcon hentai but I’m probably wrong. This panel was after 10pm, the last of the day and very much adult only. I was in my TNG uniform and there was a Trek fan vid screening in the room across the hall so a volunteer checked I was where I wanted to be whilst we were waiting for it to start. Which was sweet, people do get lost down there.  Also, @unwoundbobbin was there which was a hoot.

The entire thing was a hoot to be honest. Not that formal, and mostly people sharing things they’d seen online, talk about the value of tagging, and wonder at the way fandom just comes together and decides on what dubious biology looks like. I shared the story of the early early days of Star Trek fandom how writers would come up with new weird and wonderful ways of depicting Spock’s genitals. I just think it’s something everyone should know. Fandom has been like this for a long time. 

I wont go into detail of the things discussed. But it’s amazing how trends change over time, how even over multiple fandoms some of these tropes become so accepted nobody has to explain anything. We just know how it works and dive right into a kind of shared ‘verse thing.

There were some things mentioned that I hadn’t heard of and are very much not talking about on this post. But interesting.

Honestly, this was another of my favourite panels this convention. It was so much fun. So much. Some people were a bit tipsy I think.

I did warn the two mods that I was pretty tired so if my eyes looked funny or closed, I wasn’t asleep, I was just squinting. I got so enthused by the cracky fun of it all though that I needn't have worried. I also found it amusing just how many ace spectrum folk there were there. 

After this I went back to my room. I got changed, went to bed hoping for a better night sleep than the one before. So very very tired. I’d had a great day but I was tired and I needed sleep urgently. Especially as the tired thing was not helping the dizzy thing. Thankfully I did get some sleep, not as good as home but I god some. 

[SATURDAY IS HERE]

[kaitymccoy123]

Don’t Change A Thing, Darlin’

Intro: I know I just posted one for Spock Week, but this one kinda just started to flow out of me (getting my mojo back, yay!) so here is another fic for you!  This one is for Bones week for Trek Fest 2017!  Hosted by the always lovely @outside-the-government - I was late on the Spock fic but not for this one yay!

This is also a request that came from @stucked82:

Hi, I have a request, McCoy x plus size reader, she thinks he’s not interested in her because of the words he said on the first Star Trek movie of Dr. Marcus, she’s the opposite of her, dark short hair, tall, curvy and strong, she could be the combat trainer of the Enterprise maybe? It would be great! Thanks!! Fluff or smut or whatever. 

I know I messaged you about going in a darker, more angsty route, and I wrote most of that, but it didn’t feel right, and I felt like I needed to write something fluffy.  So I did.  

Pairing: Bones x plus size!reader

Word Count: 3,456 (damnit can I not keep anything short anymore!!!)

Warnings: A little self-deprication, some swearing, mention of a past emotionally abusive relationship, used the word “darlin’” way too many times.

Summary: You have been transferred to the Enterprise to work as a combat trainer, and are quickly introduced to Dr. McCoy when he is in one of your classes.  Quickly developing a crush on the handsome doctor (who wouldn’t?), you feel like the flirting is going well until you see him flirting with Dr. Marcus. Were you wrong about him?  Could he ever love somebody like you?

A/N: Not a big fan of writing specifically for a plus-size reader, but I thought this one turned out pretty well - didn’t want to go too deep into insecurities or anything, but they are in there. 

-Enjoy!-

“Hey dude?  Can you hear me?” You nearly shouted as you knelt over a dark-haired man that had just taken a hard hit in your combat training class. 

“Wha-?” The man’s eyes slowly flickered open, and he brought his hand up to rub at his eye, groaning, “What happened?”

“That idiot back there didn’t know how to properly throw an elbow strike and knocked you flat.” You jerked your thumb at the covering curly-haired blonde, who gave a sheepish finger-wave. 

“Damnit, Chekov.” The man grunted and moved to sit up, emitting a series of groans and a string of curses, including “too old for this shit”. 

“How long was I out?” He asked. 

“Maybe 30 seconds?  Do you want ice or something?”

He touched his cheekbone gingerly, then the back of his head, “Maybe. Probably should just head back to the medbay.”

“Back to the medbay?” You inquired as you offered a hand to help him stand, “You a doctor or something?”

He smoothed his hands over his unruly t-shirt as he regained his balance, “Yes, actually.  CMO, if you like formalities.”

Your eyes widened, “You’re Dr. McCoy?”

“The one and only, darlin’.” He squinted and took a quick look around the room before focusing back on you, hands on hips. 

“I haven’t had my initial physical yet.  Guess you’re my guy.”

“Guess so.” He grinned at you quickly before grimacing when it moved the tender skin of his injured cheekbone. 

There was a few moments where his heated gaze stayed locked to yours before he spoke again, “Well I better let you get back to work, seems some people still have lots to learn.” 

He gave a pointed look at Chekov, who cowered behind the slender Asian man beside him.  

With one last look in your direction, sending butterflies aflutter in your stomach, Dr. McCoy turned on his heel and strode out of the room.  

The class was silent as you watched him exit, and you felt all of their stares on you.  Realizing quickly that you probably had a stupid grin on your face, you traded it for a look of pointed exasperation. 

“Pair off, let’s go.” You instructed sharply, “Chirpov, you’re with me.  Don’t want you giving anyone else a concussion.” 

“I’m here to see Dr. McCoy?  I have a physical scheduled.” You wrung your hands around your workout towel, trying to rid yourself of the feeling of jittery nervousness that made you bounce on your toes. 

“I’ll let him know you’re here, go ahead and wait in room 6, he’ll be right in.” The nurse instructed, giving you a warm smile before turning back to your work. 

Skirting into the room she indicated, you dropped your bag next to the wall and hopped up onto the examination table.  

You had been thinking about this day since the class where Dr. McCoy had gotten injured.  You willed your racing heart to chill out a little so you wouldn’t make a fool out of yourself in front of him. 

The few minutes that you had spent trying to calm your nerves were quickly wasted when finally the door swung open.  Your heart decided to pump overtime as you took in Dr. McCoy, now clad in a white medical tunic, which made his tanned skin and dark hair stand out even more.  You could almost have wept when he looked up from his PADD, his lips stretching into a smile. 

“Y/N, it’s nice to see you again.” The door hissed shut behind him and he moved to sit on the little wheely stool at the side of the examination table. 

“Same to you, Dr. McCoy.  How’s that cheek?”

“Nothing a few hypos couldn’t fix.”

Your laugh was high and chirpy in response, and you cursed yourself for being so on-edge around him. 

“So I’m just going to check a few things, ask you a few questions, and you’ll be on your merry way, if that sounds alright.”

“Sounds just fine to me.” You agreed, but a sudden bout of nervousness struck you, this time not just from being near Dr. McCoy. 

You had always been a bigger woman, bigger than most, and though you knew a lot of it was muscle, thanks to years of combat training, most people were quick to judge.  You were no stranger to the “how can you still be overweight if you workout so much” type questions, so you generally avoided the topic of your health.  Some people could be pretty nasty, pretty insensitive. 

“So what brings you aboard the ship?” He started, his PADD rested on his knees. 

“Starfleet sent me out here because there have been several injuries related to lack of combat knowledge, and thought I could remedy that.”

“Well, if Chekov was any indication, you can probably tell we need it.” Dr. McCoy huffed, making you laugh. 

The rest of the physical went smoothly, with no terribly awkward questions and no mention of your weight, other than him taking it.  

“Alright, looks like we’re all done here.  Go ahead and change and I’ll meet you outside.” He instructed, and you nodded as he stepped out of the room. 

Quickly gathering your uniform, you changed as best you could with shaking hands, still a little jittery from the feeling of his hands on you.  Gently assessing you, quick touches of skilled fingertips.  And the best part was that it didn’t make you feel self-conscious at all, the way he looked at you, and talked to you, his eyes...

You shook your head, dispelling the thoughts.  He was your doctor, nothing more.  Beside, he would never want you back.  You were you, and he was well, him, and you doubted anything would ever come of it.  

A soft knock at the door broke your train of thought, “Y’allright in there?”

You threw your shirt over your head, giving a quick tousle to your hair before heading to the door, reaching for the panel, but as you did, the door swung open prematurely, catching the elbow of the hand you still had in your hair. 

“Agh!” You yelped and pulled your elbow to your chest, rubbing at the skin. 

“Oh, damnit, I’m so sorry, Y/N.  You were taking a while, and I didn’t want- I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Dr. McCoy was rubbing at the back of his neck, and it was then when you realize how close he had been to the door, like he was nearly leaning against it. 

“It’s okay, just a little lost in thought.  Guess the price to pay for that is a bruised elbow.” You chuckled. 

He took your arm in his hands and observed the skin, and, once realizing you weren’t going to bleed to death, he released it. 

Before he could apologize again, you spoke, “So, am I fine?” Damnit, those words didn’t come out in the order you wanted, but the blush that formed on his cheeks made it worth it. 

“You?... Fine?  I mean... you are...”

You decided to put him out of his misery, “Sorry, I meant, did everything check out okay, with my physical?”

He seemed to regain some composure, “Oh!  Yep, fit as a fiddle, darlin’.”

The term of endearment made you smile, “Do you call everyone darlin’, or just those who you’ve injured in some way?”

“It’s only for the people who I know could kick my ass for being a flustered idiot.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. 

You laughed, “Guess that ruins my plan.”

“For what?” He looked at you quizzically. 

“For kicking your ass, you flustered idiot.” You teased, but he only smiled down at you. 

“Sorry, that was bad.” You groaned and rubbed a hand down your face, but a soft touch to your arm stopped you. 

“No worries, darlin’.” The way he was looking at you made butterflies go crazy in your stomach. 

“So I’ll see you around?” You asked, toeing at the ground. 

He smiled, “Yeah.  Actually...” He started, but was cut off by a loud shout of “Bones!” followed by the captain and a blond-haired woman dashing into the medbay. 

You stepped out of the way as they approached, yelling about some torpedoes and Khan, Dr. McCoy’s skilled hands somehow a big factor in this. 

“Ok fine, I’ll do it.” Dr. McCoy’s gentle, sweet expression was quickly traded for a sour look of exasperation. 

You were surprised when his eyes met yours quickly, his look apologetic before being dragged along by the blond-haired woman out of the medbay.

Deciding you better get going, you made your way to the medbay doors, your thoughts still spinning with a certain set of dark hair and hazel eyes. 

“Shit.” You swore when you realized you forgot your gym bag. 

Quickly returning to the room, you scooped it up, your eye catching on the PADD that Dr. McCoy seemed to have forgotten on the examination table.  

Maybe... You thought to yourself as you hesitated just inside the doorway, No, you shouldn’t.  You turned to leave.

But you definitely hadn’t imagined the way he smiled at you or been flustered by your flirting.  

Before you knew it you had his PADD in your hands.  Like a sign from the universe it was still unlocked.  Then, without thinking about it too hard, you opened up a note app and quickly typed out: 

Drinks sometime? Rec Room tomorrow at 7? I’ll buy the first round. - Y/N.

With your heart racing, you dropped the PADD back on the table and dashed out of the room before you could give it a second thought.  

Your class that evening had been especially distracted, and finally you asked what was making everyone so chatty. 

“Didn’t you hear?  Dr. McCoy and Dr. Marcus are going to try to defuse one of the torpedoes.” One of your students said. 

“What?  That’s really risky.��� Your heart started racing again at the thought of Dr. McCoy in danger. 

“Yeah, they’re doing it right now, here’s the video feed.” 

Suddenly one of the walls of the training rooms was taken up with a projection of the video feed from someone’s PADD. 

Sure enough, it was the blonde-haired woman from before, Dr. Marcus, you assumed, knelt next to one of the torpedoes. 

“Bones, thanks for helping out. Dr. Marcus asked for the steadiest hands on the ship.” You recognized the voice as Captain Kirk’s. 

“You know, when I dreamt about being stuck on a deserted planet with a gorgeous woman, there was no torpedo!” It was Dr. McCoy’s voice now, but he seemed to still be inside the shuttle. 

“Dr. McCoy, may I remind you that you're not there to flirt.”

“So how can these legendary hands help you, Dr. Marcus?” Dr. McCoy’s head appeared in the door to the ship, and he carried a box as he walked towards the torpedo and Dr. Marcus. 

How could I have been so stupid. You thought to yourself, ignoring the video feed for a moment.  

Of course he would have a type.  Blonde, skinny, intelligent. You felt tears press at your eyes as you tuned back into the video. 

“Sweetheart, I once performed an emergency C-section on a pregnant Gorn. Octuplets, and let me tell you, those little bastards bite. I think I can work some magic on your missile.“ It was Dr. McCoy again, setting down his box of supplies. 

That really tipped you over the edge.  This man who you thought had been so nice to you, very flirty and flustered... you must have misread him.  

“Uhh... class dismissed for today, you can, keep watching here if you want.” You stammered, the class not seeming to have acknowledged your words as you retreated out the door.  

Stupid, stupid, stupid. You chanted to yourself as you strode back to your quarters, shame and embarrassment filling your veins. 

Well at least you knew now, rather than after you got even more emotionally involved. 

Too bad you were already in pretty deep. 

The next day you didn’t have any classes, so you spent the day in bed reading and catching up on sleep.  

You had just gotten dressed after your post-workout shower when a knock sounded on your door. Treading lightly on the carpet, you made your way over to the door and pressed the panel. 

Standing just outside your door was Dr. McCoy, one arm tucked into a sling, the other grasped around a bottle of liquor and two plastic cups. 

“Doctor... what are you doing here?” You sputtered, heart flaring at the sight of him. 

“I saw your note and went to the rec room, but you never showed, so I thought you might be here.  And you can call me Leonard, darlin’.” He looked a little flustered again, and it drew you right back in. 

“I- you- okay, come in.” You took the cups and bottle from his hand and moved back into your room. 

“What happened to your arm?” You asked, setting the bottle and cups down on the coffee table. 

“You haven’t heard?” He tilted his head, and you shook yours. 

“The damn torpedo closed in on my arm when we were trying to disarm it.  Almost got blown up for it, but Dr. Marcus stopped it at the last second.” He explained, and you found yourself becoming in-drawn at the mention of Dr. Marcus. 

“That must have been scary.” You mused. 

There were a few moments of tense silence before you spoke again, “So you saw my message.” Your voice was small. 

“I did.  It made almost getting blown up a little less awful.”

That really made you blush, but you built up the courage to look him in the eyes, “So, Leonard, shall we?” You gestured to the drinks. 

His smile nearly made your heart stop. 

"And that's how I got Jim banned from the biology labs for a week."

You were in tears with laughter, gasping, and you heard Leonard chuckle along with you. 

The both of you had ended up on your bed, a cup of whiskey each, just chatting.  Friendly chatting, you told yourself, that must be what he thinks as well, though with the way he was leaning towards you and the way he was flirting, you would have thought otherwise. 

"That’s an excellent story.  Beats mine by a mile." You laughed. 

"Nah, I thought the story of how your brother set your hair on fire was hilarious, yet very dangerous," He tipped his cup towards you. 

"Oh, Dr. McCoy, you need to live a little." 

"I live just enough to stay away from getting my hair from being set on fire, thank you very much."

You chuckled and leaned back into the headboard, smirking at him as he copied your posture.  

"Alright.” You were feeling much more brave thanks to the whiskey, “We don’t know much about each other, so ask me anything.  Anything at all." You set your empty cup on the side-table and crossed your legs under you. 

"Anything?" He raised an eyebrow at you. 

"Anything."

He exhaled and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees and holding his cup between his fingers.  

"Favourite colour?" 

"Purple."

"Childhood pets?"

"None, no matter how hard we begged.  Well we had a few fish once, but they all died within a week."

He chuckled, "Within a week?!"

"Hence the no other childhood pets." You insisted, flashing him a smile. 

"That's fair, I guess." He took another sip of tea, "Worst relationship ever?"

You huffed and pulled your knees to your chest, "I've had my fair share of bad relationships, so it's hard to pick the worst one."

Leonard nodded in understanding. 

"But there was one guy, who I would have to say topped the bad of the bad.  I met him in the Academy, second year, and we dated for a while, a few months, I'd say, before he started to try to change me."

"Change you?" He tilted his head and turned slightly towards you, and you admired his form in the dim lighting for a while before focusing your attention back on your knees. 

"At first it was little things.  Ordering for me at restaurants, only salads and low-calorie options, to 'keep my figure', as he would say.  Then it was forcing me to buy a gym membership, which actually was a blessing in disguise because I signed up for a self-defense class and fell in love, hence my career today.  But he insisted I quit and go jogging with him, do 'slimming' exercises.  Then it got verbal.  'Wouldn't you love to get rid of those love handles?' and 'That dress looks a little tight on you.' and flat out 'I would love you so much more if you were thin, because it means you love yourself'."

"God, that's awful.  Tell me you dumped his sorry ass." Leonard had tipped his head back against the wall and was watching you intently, and you could have sworn you saw admiration in his eyes. 

"No, actually.  I was a lot dumber back then, a lot more gullible.  So I did what he said.  I took his words to heart, and I tried everything.  I starved myself and went jogging for hours everyday but it was never enough.  And I was so unhappy, Leonard, it was unbelievable.  But I stuck with him, because I was desperate for his love.  For any love."

Leonard had shifted closer, and his knee bumped yours lightly.  

You continued, "And then one day I was coming back from a late night class and walked into his room, like usual and, well let's just say he got what he wanted, a much thinner woman between his legs.  Two actually."

Leonard choked on his whiskey at that and sputtered a few laughs, "Oh my god.  What a little shithead."

You let out a loud laugh and covered you mouth with your hand as Leonard set his cup on the side-table. 

"For the record I do not think you need to lose a single pound.  You are beautiful, strong, and brilliant, and if he couldn't see that, then it's his loss."

You felt your cheeks heat up and you couldn't stop a smile, "Then you are a much better man then he is."

"Thank you, darlin', and you deserve someone much better than him." 

"Maybe I should date someone like you, then." You teased, but his face remained serious. 

"Maybe you should." His eyes met yours.

Your heart stopped in your chest and time seemed to slow as you looked over at him. 

Thankfully, he was the one to speak first, "I don't know if this is the right time to tell you, since we’ve only known each other for a few days, but I've been meaning to ask you, and I've never been good at this stuff, I'm a little rusty since the divorce is all..."

"You're serious?" You sat up, pressing your knee into his.  

"Why wouldn't I be?" His gaze wasn't accusatory, more quizzical, and his fingers that were on his knee slid to rest on yours. 

"Well it's just, with Dr. Marcus, and the whole torpedo thing, and she is so pretty and thin, and I thought that was your type..."

"My type?" He looked hurt. 

"Agh, I'm sorry, I've messed this all up." You pulled away and slid off the bed, padding towards the bathroom. 

"Messed what up, darlin'?  You haven't messed anything up."  You heard him shifting on top of the bed and his footsteps neared behind you. 

"I assumed... that you... I misjudged, I guess..." You spun around to face him now, close to crying, "and it's just with the way I look, and the way you look..."

"Stop.  Just stop right now." He cut you off and stepped closer, "Did I not just make it abundantly clear that that doesn't matter to me?"

"Yes, but..." 

"No buts."  He was terribly close now, and you couldn't resist those hazel eyes that you had dreamed about for what seems like forever. 

"Yes, buts, lots of buts, a pretty large butt right here." You raised your eyebrow up at him and pulled at his wrist, placing his uninjured hand on your hip.  

"Real cheeky, darlin’." A playful smile pulled at his lips and he slid his hand around to your back. 

"I've got lots more where that came from."

"I'm betting on it."

You smiled and grabbed onto the front of his uniform, pulling him down so your lips met in a hard kiss.  You felt your back hit the wall and he pressed you into it, and usually you would be self-conscious about his body against yours, but this time, you couldn't find it in yourself to care.

-Thanks for reading!  I hope you liked it-

Tag List (let me know if you’d like to be added/removed: @feelmyroarrrr  @jefferson-in-the-tardis @anyakinamidala @digitalmoonhowell @fandomheadrush @kirkaholic123 @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11 @pinkamour1588 @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @starmission @destielismymothership @curiosity-killed-the-speedster@mccoymostly @yoshiepic

Tags work hopefully stupid tumblr stupid tags  

[afterspark-podcast]

Let’s Play Transformers War for Cybertron, Chapter 1 Transcript

Episode

[This can also be found on AO3!]

Note: The servers on this game were shut down last month.  So if you happen to know anything about circumventing the online requirement to play co-op, please message us or leave a comment, because we're at a bit of a loss here.

[Intro Music]

O: Hello everybody, I'm Owls!

S: I'm Specs.

O: And this is my hubby, Chezni.  He's going to be joining us as we do a co-op playthrough of War for Cybertron - I think it's War for Cybertron it's not Fall for [of] Cybertron is it?  I cannot keep them straight.

S: No, no, it’s War for Cybertron.

C: Fall for Cybertron, that sounds like a dating novel.

S: Um-hmm.

O: War for Cybertron!   It says it right at the top of the window, the window is my friend.  Anyway so we're going to be a co-op- or we're gonna do a co-op playthrough of this game.  This is the first time we have tried to do a three player- three people, recording... let's play so here's hoping we don't make any hugish- er, or you know, huge mistakes here!

C: We'll clearly make many mistakes. [laughs]

O: Well, hopefully not too many.  Anyway, we are gonna be starting with the Decepticon campaign.  The way this game is set up it is split up between the Decepticon campaign and the Autobot campaign.  The Decepticon campaign comes first chronologically so we're gonna start with that.  So, as you can see on the screen right now this is who we're gonna be playing.

[OS: Character selection screen.  Characters are assigned as follows:

Chezni - Brawl

Specspectacle - Barricade

Twilight-Owls - Megatron]

O: One other caveat I need to let you guys know, is that for some ungodly reason um, every time we enter a cinematic the game jumps the volume up about 50 fucking levels.  So if that sounds kind of wonky, or ya hear a huge jump, Chezni’s gonna do is best to remove it from the actual video but that is why you might hear a volume spike.  We can't figure out why it's doing it because it seems to be something the game is doing innately.

C: It's- it's also why in- at the beginning of every cinematic all of us are going to go deaf.

O: [laughs]

C: And we won’t be able to hear each other because we're frantically going to be turning it down.

O:  Eh?  Eh?  What’d you say Chezni?  What’d ya say?  Um, I think that’s it, unless you two have anything to add.

S: You’ll get to see me be really bad at this because the last time I played a first-person shooter for any length of time was probably like, three or four years ago with TF2.  So...

O: It should shock-

S: This is going to be exciting.

O: [laughs] Uh, it should shock no one that I'm playing Megatron for every single goddamn Decepticon level I can.  So, we ready?

C: Ready.

S: I’m ready.

O: Ready your um, ready your volume... thing because it’s gonna open with a cinematic.

[OS: Owls clicks “Start Game”]

C: Right, right.

O: And uh, our ears are gonna hate us all so, here we go.

[A cinematic opens with a text crawl being narrated by Steve Blum.  Players interject over the narration.]

O: Oh hi Steve Blum.

[Narrator: Civil War has ravaged Cybertron.  Homeworld to the Transformers millions of years.  Megatron, leader of the Decepticons, recently discovered an ancient power that will give him the edge to win over the hated Autobots.]

O: Sp-

C: He does a mean Starscream.

O: Space crack. [laughs] He found space crack!

[Narrator: Called Dark Energon, this power remains locked away in an orbital station under the protection of a sky commander named, Starscream.]

O: Ehhh?

S: So is this implying that Starscream was an Autobot at one point?

[Voices cut off by various muted vocalizations of distress, as the game cuts to different cinematic.]

C: Ow!

O: I hate cinematics now. [laughs]

C: [laughs]

[A very pointy space ship flies through space shooting at various other ships, Autobots, or any other random structures in it’s way.]

S: God this-

O: This must be the Nemesis mark 0.1, or something?

S: It's the beta version.

O: Yeah.

S: Or the alpha version or something.

O: I know it's not the actual Nemesis

[We cut to the interior of the spaceship, with Megatron on the bridge and Brawl and Barricade apparently piloting.

Megatron: Hold your course!  Starscream wouldn’t fight with such desperation if the legends weren’t true.

Barricade: Lord Megatron...you’re CERTAIN it’s here?

Megatron: I AM certain Barricade.  And when I find it...the balance of this war with the Autobots will finally tip in my favor.]

O: Also, Steve Blume will be playing Barricade in this, but not Starscream, if I’m remembering properly.

S: Yeah…

[The Decepticon ship is hit by missiles.  An alarm sounds and red lights begin to flash.

Brawl: Lord Megatron!  Stabilizers are failing!

Megatron: Maintain your heading, Brawl!  Do NOT falter!

Barricade: Sublight engines are offline.  Shields at 15%!

Megatron: Reroute all power to forward guns and thrusters!  Full speed ahead!]

C: What is this, Star Trek? [laughs]

O: I mean, with giant robots, sure?

[A Decepticon grunt stands up and shouts at Megatron.

Grunt:  But sir!  That’s suicide!

He is promptly blasted into a wall by a shot from Megatron’s Fusion Cannon.

Megatron:  Any further objections?

Megatron turns back towards the bridge.

Megatron: Ram this warship straight into the heart of that station!]

O: [wheezing laughter] He’s like, “I don’t have time for this this!”

[The ship rams the station, things explode.]

S: Yay.

[Cut off by various muted vocalizations of distress, as the game swaps to gameplay, causing the volume to jump up for the players again.]

O: It- oh god dammit, holy shit!

C: [laughing]

[OS: The three player characters stand up in what remains of their ship.

Barricade:  We’re lucky to have survived that, Megatron.

Megatron: The strong survive.  The weak perish.]

S: Well that went up to like, 100!

[OS: Text on the screen reads: “New Objective: Escape the crash site,” only you know without punctuation, because games are cool like that.

Grunt: Lord Megatron!  The ships reactor core is failing -- explosion imminent!

Megatron: MOVE, Decepticons!  Double-time!

Grunt: The core’s about to detonate!

Megatron: Go!  Go!  GO!]

C: [laughs] It’s like you guys were actually being crashed into something.

O: [back to normal volume] Something like that!

[OS: Various tutorials and button hotkeys pop up on the screen and then minimize to the HUD on the right hand side of the screen.]

O: Okay, now that I have that turned down uh, I guess, let us go?

[OS: Megatron moves through the environment as various debris flies through the air.]

C: Yeah, I'll just follow you guys and I'll be back up I guess.

S: Well, I am following Owls, because... I get lost in video games.

O: As you should!  I'm playing as Megatron! [laughs]

C: Alright, I'll follow Specs.  We’ll just be a tr- a train.

O: If I remember where the hell to go.  Oh, we gotta go up here.

[OS: Megatron jumps up platforms.

Grunt: It’s falling apart!  Watch out!]

C: Specs don't die, cuz then I won't know where to go.  I'm like an ant.

S: [laughs] I’m su-

O: Chezni really does have [a] terrible sense of direction.

[Grunt: Megatron!  This way!

Grunt 2:  Over here!

In-game cinematic: The ship explodes and the path behind Barricade, Brawl, and Megatron is blocked by debris.]

O: Okay, that doesn't count as a damn cinematic!

S: So-

C: No, because it's rendered in-game.

O: Yeah, I know.

[A device on the ground transforms in front of the player group, Brawl and Barricade pull out their guns and point them at it.]

O: Everything transforms on Cybertron!

S: Technically we're not on Cybertron, and this is just a... [sighs]

[A giant hologram of Starscream appears from the transformed device.

Starscream: I am Starscream, and I have protected my station for over a thousand years!]

S: How old are you, Starscream?

[Megatron pushes Brawl and Barricade out of the way and steps forward.

Megatron: I am Megatron, leader of the Decepticons!]

O: And I have lava in my mouth.

[Note: When Megatron talks his mouth is lit in the same way as his optics, meaning it is also a deep red, lit from within.]

O and C: [laughs]

[Megatron: This space station is Decepticon property!  Surrender immediately!

Starscream: Whoever you are, you’ve traveled a long way just to meet your doom!]

S: Starscream just wants to be big all the time.

C: [laughs]

O: Oh, everybody wants to be big in this game.

S: [sighs]

O: Megatron will have a giant talking head later, I assure you.

[The giant Starscream hologram disappears and some sentry guns drop down and begin shooting at the party.

OS: Game swaps over to gameplay.  Megatron is shooting at the sentry guns with his Fusion Cannon.]

S: Am I supposed to be shooting something?  Probably yes.

[SS: Barricade is running around behind Brawl and Megatron, as the guns appear to be primarily firing on Megatron.]

O: Yes.

C: The guns on the walls.

[OS: Megatron fires on the last gun destroying it.]

O: Alright.

[OS: Another tutorial pops up for ‘Pickups’.]

O: Ugh, tutorials.  Do we need tutorials?  I don’t think we need tutorials… for the most part.

[OS: Megatron looks around the room before turning around and seeing a box.]

O: Oh look!  Ammo!

[OS: Megatron smashes the box with his energon mace and picks up the ammo.  A nearby door opens.

“New Objective, Secure the station” appears on HUD.

Grunt: Hail, Lord Megatron!]

O: That's right, bitches!

[OS: Megatron walks through the nearby door, passing by a few Decepticon grunts.

Megatron: Do not speak unless spoken to.]

S: Yay...

C: Kiss ass.

O: [laughs]

[OS: Megatron continues walking down the hallway stopping by a blue glowy box.]

O: Who needs ammo?  Er, health I guess.

[OS: Barricade comes up to the box and runs through it.]

S: Sorry, I think I took that.

O: Oh no, it’s fine.

[Grunt: Its Lord Megatron!

Megatron: The honor is all yours.]

O: Uh, there's more ammo over here, if anybody needs it.

[SS: Barricade walks up to the ammo box and moves back in forth in front of it.]

S: Which… is...?

O: Ah, hit the melee button.

S: Oh.

[SS: Barricade smashes the ammo box with his sword.]

O: There you go.

S: Ohhh-kay!

[OS: Megatron follows Brawl down a hallway towards gun fire, and the party begins shooting at the sentry guns on the walls.

Grunt: Take out those sentry guns!  They’re tearing us apart!  I HATE those sentry guns!]

O: More sentry guns.

C: I love stationary targets.

O: I mean, hey, they’re easier to hit, right?

[OS: Megatron takes several hits from one of the sentry guns.]

O: [quietly] Oh god dammit, oh!

[OS: Megatron takes cover behind a pillar and continues firing.  The party defeats the sentry guns.]

C: So, what's going on here?  Hold on, like, explain the plot to a foreigner like me.

O: Okay, okay, okay.

[OS: Owls pauses the game.]

C: Like, what is happening?

O: I paused, can you guys pause?  I was going to explain to- to Chezni-

C: No, the game doesn't pause when you pause.

[OS: Owls unpauses. And heads toward were the rest of the party have gone on ahead.]

O: Okay, interesting.

C: [laughs]

O: Um, so Megatron has basically been like, “Hey!  I heard y’all got space crack.  Let's go pick up that sweet, sweet space crack.”  Even though that makes no SENSE because in Prime clearly Dark Energon wasn't a thing he knew about already.

[OS: Megatron interacts with a device that opens a door and the party heads into the next room where some Autobots are seen running in the distance.

Autobot: There they are!  Move ahead and cut them off in Storage Area Beta!  Move!  Move!]

O: Umm... but yeah so we're- we’re getting here because apparently there's some Dark Energon and we need some sweet, sweet space crack.

C: Right, and this is the- this game is the same continuity as Prime, right?

O: APPARENTLY.  Which is why what I just said makes absolutely no sense.

S: Supposedly.  It’s supposedly in the same continuity.

[In-game cinematic: Megatron, Brawl and Barricade walk into an open area in the storage room and a group of Autobot vehicles come down a ramp before transforming into robot mode and shooting at the party.

Brawl: Oh look.  The welcome wagon.]

S: But that’s kind of garbage.

C:  Gotcha.

[SS: Barricade runs into the fight, firing on enemies.]

O: Yeah, what Specs said.

C: And- and Starscream is a- is a- an Autobot right now?

[CS: Brawl runs into the fight, firing on enemies.]

O: No, I don’t think he’s really anything?  I think he's just- he works here, basically.

C: That would hurt his feelings so much.

S: That would-

O: Like, he’s in charge of the spaceship [station].

[OS: Megatron is running around the room, looking for item boxes.

Megatron: Those fools mean to catch us in an ambush at the next door!

Barricade: Fat chance.  We can use that crane to reach the crash tunnel and flank them.]

S: He’s probably supposed to be neutral, or something?

O: Yeah, he might be a NAIL [Non-Aligned Indigenous Life-form] at this point, I really don’t know.

C: Gotcha.

[SS: Barricade walks up to a cyclone looking thing in a corner of the room, that is apparently just set dressing as it does not affect him in any way.

Brawl: Ambush their ambush, I like it!

Megatron: Find the controls to that service arm!]

S: Ohh… thingy.  Uh… E.

[SS: The screen says ‘E Interact’.

Barricade turns around and interacts with some controls that control a big arm that moves some boxes around.]

C: What's going on, Specs?

S: I found the service arm!

O: Heh. [deeper voice] GOOD JOB!

A: [laugh]

[OS: Autobots enter onto a platform higher up in the room and begin shooting at the party.]

O: I’m sorry.

C: No, what are you talking about!?  You need to do that voice through the whole thing now.

S: [laughs]

O: Oh god, and then, you only want that cuz I wouldn’t be able to talk-

C: [laughs]

O: -for like, three days! [laughs]

[OS: Megatron transforms into a tank momentarily before returning to robot mode and shooting all the enemies on the platform.

Megatron: I shall lead the way!]

S: Oh, okay. [laughs]

O: I love explosions in the morning.

C: There- there were guys up there, I saw them-

O: What guys?

C: -then they disappeared!

O: What guys?  What guys, Chezni?  What guys?

[CS: Brawl struggles to jump on some boxes, before finally reaching the top and briefly transforming into vehicle mode.

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron -- Soundwave here.  Establishing a forward base.

Megatron: Transmit your coordinates, Soundwave -- and I want everything ready upon my arrival.]

C: Well, one of these days I'm gonna figure out how to jump.

[CS: Brawl jumps into an area that has blasts of fire periodically coming out of huge vents on the right hand side of the screen.]

S: I don't know where you guys- oh, there you are.

O: Should I wait?

[CS: Barricade jumps down beside Brawl and runs forward, stopping in front of one of the huge blasts of fire coming out of the wall.]

C: Hey Specs, why don't you go first?

S: [laughs] No thank you!

O: It’s not that hard, just time it! [laughs]

[CS: Barricade goes forward, but Brawl remains behind as another blast of fire comes out of the vent in front of him.]

C: I don't wanna, I'm scared.

O: Are you a warrior, or aren't you, you pussy? [wheezing laughter]

[CS: Brawl makes it through the fire and joins up with the rest of the group, as they continue forward.]

C: I don't know!  What's my character’s personality?

O: Oh, that’s a terrible insult.  He doesn’t have one.  [laughs]

C: [laughs]

S: Um...

O: He big, he shoot!

[OS: Megatron walks to the edge of a platform and looks down onto another room with various boxes, another Starscream hologram and several Autobots.  And then makes the mistake of picking up a Magma Frag Launcher (Mortar) off the ground and equipping it.

Autobot: Starscream! The ambush is set.  They won’t make it past us.

Starscream: I shall hold you to that soldier.

Autobot: Yes, sir!

The Starscream hologram disappears.]

S: He’s big and he’s-

C: Right, so I’m a red shirt, got it.

S: ...he's a tank.

[SS: Barricade sees a console and walks over to it.

Barricade: This is almost too easy.]

S: Ohhh… E… to interact.

[OS: Megatron is shooting the mortar, ineffectively.]

S: Ohh… I got… a thing?

[OS: Megatron shoots a mortar round right in front of himself and then backs up until after the mortar explodes.]

O:  Oops, ahh… that is not where I wanted that to go.

[CS: Brawl is high up inside some of sort open vaguely bridge-like structure shooting down at the Autobots below.]

C: I'm just up here in a bridge I don't… see like, any enemies.

S: Because you’re not in the right spot-

O: Where are you?

C: I'm in a ceiling bridge!

O: How.

[SS: Barricade is shooting enemies from his and Megatron’s vantage point.]

C: I don't know else to describe it.

[(COM) Soundwave: Alert -- hostiles inbound!

Brawl: There they are!

Megatron: Crush them!]

O: Oh my god!  Okay, that’s [the mortar] just, it's completely useless from this angle apparently.

[OS: Megatron jumps up and begins floating in the area with his special ability, while continuing to ineffectively shoot the mortar.

New Objective: Meet Soundwave at the Forward Base.]

O:  [Huffs] I hate grenade launchers.

[CS: Brawl jumps down from the ceiling bridge, getting hit by Autobot bullets while he’s falling.]

C: So we're literally just here to-

O: Get space crack.

C: To- to take Dark Energon?

O: Yes.  To get space crack.

C: Okay, and we're just murdering everyone on this ship [station], cuz we don’t care?

[OS: Megatron is at ground level, shooting at Autobots before going down.]

[Note:  Once a character is downed, the party has a certain amount of time to get to them and revive them before they self destruct and the party must restart from a checkpoint.]

O: Argh!  Dammit.  Uh, somebody could- if uh, something could, you know, revive your amazing leader, that would be great.

[CS: Brawl moves across the room to get to Megatron.]

C: Of course, it would be my-

S: I don’t know where you are?

[SS: Barricade runs down a ramp, Brawl and Megatron are nowhere in sight.]

O:  I’m…. gonna die.

C: It would be my- oh no!

[OS: Megatron is still collapsed on the floor, Brawl approaches but gets shoot and collapses just before reaching Megatron.]

O: [laughs and thumps desk]

C: I’ve failed you my liege.

O: Everybody die now!

C: All right, Specs, it's all up to you!

[CS: A collapsed Brawl shoots at enemies before getting a “Mission Failed Screen”.]

O: Oh god.

C: Oh gosh.

[OS: Owls selects, “Restart From Last Checkpoint”.]

O: Okay, restart the last checkpoint, that sounds good.  Somebody else-

C: That was how it could have happened!

O: [laughs] Yeah.  Somebody else grab that fucking thing right there, because I am not good with it, okay.  I'm like really bad with it.

C: Oh, what is it?

[OS: The party spawn in the area immediately after the walls spouting fire and are up on the ledge overlooking the room with the Autobots below.  Brawl walks over and picks up the mortar launcher.]

C: Oh gosh, it's a grenade launcher.

O: Yes!  It’s what I was complaining about.

[OS: The scene plays out as before.

Autobot: Starscream! The ambush is set.  They won’t make it past us.

Starscream: I shall hold you to that soldier.

Autobot: Yes, sir!]

C: I hate grenade launchers.

S: I don’t know what I’m supp- ohhh~

[OS: The party kills the first wave of Autobots.  Brawl has jumped off the platform Megatron and Barricade are on.

(COM) Soundwave: Alert -- hostiles inbound!]

O: There's my baby.

[CS: New Objective: Meet Soundwave at the forward base.

Brawl: There they are!

Megatron: Crush them!]

C: So, I'm confused.  You can pick up things from the bodies but you don't... what do the- what does it do?

[OS: Megatron is standing on the ledge shooting at the Autobots below.]

O: I... I'm not really sure?  I don't know if sometimes it's health, or if it's money, or what the deal is.

C: I feel like it's money.

O: I don't remember.

[Note: In campaign mode the enemy drops are apparently Energon, which helps refill your skills, but in multiplayer escalation (battle) mode the drops are money.]

[SS: Barricade is running around on the ground shooting at Autobots before being shot at by an Autobot on a platform and collapsing.]

S: Oh, I'm- I'm dead.

C: Oh shoot, I got ya.

[CS: Brawl runs towards Barricade, dodging the same Autobot on the platform.]

O: Okay.

[OS: Megatron is taking cover behind a crate, and shoots the offending platform Autobot with his Fusion Cannon.]

C:  Hang in there uh… other Decepticon guy!  ...Barricade!

[SS: Barricade is back on his feet.]

S: Yup.

[OS: Megatron is returning fire with an Autobot and runs out of Fusion Cannon ammo.  He transforms into a tank and moves around the crate and blasts the Autobot.]

O: Dammit.

S:  Where’s the heal?  I need the heals!

O: I need to heal and I need ammo,

[Megatron: Bow in the presence of Megatron!

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron.  We await your arrival.]

C: Oh, I think I found some ammo.

O: Oh, there’s health!  I need health, I’m gonna take this.

[OS: Megatron walks over to a health chest and busts it open, picking up the health.]

S: Take the health, oh..

[SS: Barricade begins shooting at some Autobots in a hallway behind the now opened door.]

O: I also am completely out of ammo, which is way I had picked up the grenade launcher, because Megatron has like very, very, few shots.

[CS: Brawl transformers in his car mode and continues to fire on the Autobots, killing all of them with his tank alt’s more powerful gun.]

S: Is this something I can shoot at?

O: Good question, also- do you guys see any ammo?

C:  I...I don't at the moment.  There's a thing with a little-- what the!?!

[SS: The party enters the door and a giant holographic Starscream appears in the center of the room.

Starscream: Megatron!  I though you’d be scrap metal by now.  Your survival… intrigues me.]

O: That’s health.

S: Yeah, that’s the heals.

O: So, somebody should grab that because I’m full-

[OS: The party makes their way through the room, Megatron stops near a health box.

Megatron: I shall not be denied, Starscream.  Surrender your Dark Energon program to me immediately!]

C: I've got two bars.  Specs, what's your health?

S: I'm fully healed right now.  I think this is ammo?

O: AMMO!

[OS: Megatron smashes an ammo box.

Starscream: Dark Energon…?  Are you MAD?  Dark Energon brings only death and chaos!]

C: What is Starscream yelling about?

S: I stopped caring.

C: [laughs]

O: Dark Energon. Space crack.  He’s yelling about space crack guys, obviously.

[OS: The party enters a hallway, and sentry guns begin to fire on them.

Megatron: I am COUNTING on it.

Brawl: Megatron -- when this is over, can I rip off Starscream’s head and boot it into space?  Please?]

C: [laughs]

S: I think that's your character.

C: I think you're right.  I’m apparently a brute.

[Megatron: Patience, Brawl.  Starscream knows this station inside and out.  He may yet be of use to us.]

S: Yes, I mean you’re a tank.

[SS: Barricade moves towards some Autobots that have entered the far side of the hallway and continues shooting.  He is then joined by Brawl in tank mode.]

O: Oh, that's fine, you just be functionist!  All tanks are brutes are they?  [She says, playing the franchise’s main villain, who is also frequently (not to mention currently), a tank.]

C and S: [laugh]

C: Wha- functionist!?!

O: I'm not kidding, it's a term in the comics.  I'm not pulling it out of nowhere.

C: [laughs]

S: Yeah.

C: Is that like the equivalent of a racist?

[SS: The party jumps up some platforms and enter another hallway.

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron.  Your command post is 83.4% complete.

Megatron: I expect done when I arrive, Soundwave!]

O: Yes, only it's like, “Oh, you're a car you can only do X, Y, and Z.”

C: But it's kind of true isn’t it?

O: NO, shut up.

[OS: Megatron smashes and ammo box and the party is fired on by another sentry gun.]

C: Like, if you’re tank you can't be an F1 racer.

O: Well, yeah to a certain point, but saying a tank can't be a doctor is kind of a shitty statement.

[OS: Autobots begin running into the hallway, Megatron takes them out.]

C: Gotcha.

S: Yeah.  Mostly my comment was just that, Brawl is a tank.  That is... what he is, and he's a very gruff-

C: Wait-

[CS: Brawl follows behind Barricade.]

C: Specs, that's you, right?

S: Yes.

C: Wait I’m like-

S: ~ Ohhh!

[CS: Barricade runs towards a glowy thing and stops in front of it.]

C: You're like half my size!

S: Yes!  I’m a car!

[OS: Megatron is standing at the other end of the hallway.  He turns around and heads towards where Barricade and Brawl are standing before stopping next to Brawl.]

O: Where are you two? [laughs] “Yes!  I’m a car!”  Guess what!?!  I am taller than all of you!

S: ~ Ohhh!

C: Wait, you are?

[OS: Megatron and Brawl stand next to each other so they can compare their heights.]

O: I think... we might be close to the same siz- the same height, actually.

C: Alright.

O: We’re both tanks.

[OS: Megatron begins running back towards the end of the hallway.]

S: You guys are similar in size, yes.

C: I didn’t realize I was so big!

O: But I’m fucking Megatron.  Also, there’s health.

[OS: Megatron walks up to health box before walking towards the edge of the platform the hallway opened onto.

Barricade:  Wow… that’s a pretty long drop.

Megatron:  Jump you fool!  There is nowhere to go but down!]

C: Oh, I don't need it.

S: I’m- I could use health or ammo, so…

C: I'm at full health.

[SS: Barricade smashes the health box and turns back to Megatron and Brawl.]

O: Alright, jump you fools!

C: I…

O: I don’t know how this works, but here we go!

C:  You shall not pass?

[SS: Megatron jumps off the platform, Brawl and Barricade follow shortly after.]

C: “Fly you fools!”  That's what it is.

[OS: Megatron falls from a large distance and lands heavily, on one knee as the ground/camera shakes.

Barricade: But...Megatron...how do we get out?]

O: Pfft, oh my god, he even did the landing he does in Prime.

S:  Ammo...where’s the ammo?

O: There is no ammo.

[OS: The party wanders around the open room, looking for boxes.

Autobot: The intruders are here!  Call in the reinforcements!]

S: Well, I see heals.

O: There’s only explosions.

[CS: Brawl walks towards one of the two big mounted turrets in the middle of the room.]

C: There’s a huge gun in the middle of the room!

O: Oh yeah!  You can use that, I think.

C: You're right, you can!

[CS: Brawl steps into the turret.]

S: Oh no, there is ammo.

C: Holy-

O: S’cuse me!

[CS: Megatron steps into the other turret, and Brawl begins shooting at the Autobots who have entered the room on an upper level.]

C: This thing has infinite bullets.

[Megatron: Decepticons, mount those turrets!  We’ll cut them down with their own weaponry!]

S: Oh!

[SS: Barricade walks up to one of the occupied turrets.]

S: Oh...

C: It’s actually-

O: You can detach the turrets, um...

C: Yeah, you can rip them off.

O: But they will have limited ammo after that.

[OS: Megatron shoots at the Autobots on the upper level from the turret.]

C: Oh, okay.  That makes sense.

[SS: Barricade engages with Autobots who have reached the ground level the party is on.]

C: This must be... awful when the other people manning the guns are computers.

O: It is!

C: [laughs]

O: Speaking from experience, it truly is!  They’re idiots.

S: Well, neither am-

O: Like, I literally was doing everything myself.  This is already infinitely better.

C: Wait- wait- wait, can I ask a completely valid question?  Why did the Autobots install giant guns that point at their own doors?

O: Uh, I think they were expecting an attack from a different direction?  I don't know.  They’re idiots, okay?

C: That’s- that's tragic.

[OS: The enemies are finally defeated, and a door is open on the other side of the room where the Autobots entered.

Megatron: The fools gave us our exit!  Onward!  Through that door!]

C: I'm gonna rip this thing off.

[CS: Brawl rips off the turret and begins slowly walking towards the open door.]

O: You will walk super slow.  Just warning you.

S: I’m out of ammo, so I'm hoping that there's ammo... of some variety... over here... somewhere.

O: I will take this health however, smash!

[SS: Barricade runs down the hallway, in the distance Megatron smashes a health box with his mace.]

O: Smash!  [quietly]  Is this the way…?  Door’s not opening, alright.

[OS: Megatron walks up to a door that does not open and turns around, walking back towards Barricade, before transforming into tank mode.]

C: Oh, Specs is charging in.

[SS: Barricade runs into a room before the rest of the group and begins taking fire.]

S: Oh!  Whoops, okay.  [laughs]

C: No, I thought you were leading the charge!  Don’t say whoops!

S: [laughs]

C: Say something heroic!

S: I want ammo.  There’s ammo!

[SS: Barricade walks up a ramp and runs over to some ammo behind some boxes.]

O: Yes, as we play the bad guys.

[OS: Megatron walks up the ramp and gets hit with a missile.]

O: Ow, that was missile.

S: Wah!

O: Who shot me with a missile?

[OS: Megatron shoots two Autobots on the platform across the room before turning to his left and sniping a kill from Barricade just before he hit the enemy with his sword.]

S: Oh…

[OS: The party follows the platforms up and through a door into another hallway.

Autobot:  Fall back!  Fall back!

They meet one lonely Autobot who is promptly killed by Megatron and Barricade, and they round the corner into the Forward Base.

Grunt 1:  Area is secured, Megatron!

Megatron: Excellent!

S: Oh, it’s vehicon time.

[Grunt 2: Hail, Lord Megatron!

Grunt 3: It’s an honor to serve you, Lord Megatron!

OS: They enter the base they pass by several Decepticon grunts standing guard and Autobot prisoners being led away in chains.]

C: Are we taking prisoners?

O: Yup.

S: Apparently, yes.

[(COM) Soundwave: Megatron -- I have unlocked the lift controls.  Your command center awaits at the top.

CS: Brawl walks over to a group of Autobot prisoners and stomps, causing them all to explode.]

C: Oh!  Uh… you can kill them, careful.

[OS: Megatron gets on a lift, Brawl and Barricade teleport to the location as the lift begins going up.]

O: [snorts]

S: The prisoners?

C: Yes.

O: You’re the one who tried to do it!

C: I just went over to bunch of them and stomped on them and they all died.

O: Why are you like this?

C: I just was curious!

[OS: Through the space station glass we see Jetfire and two Autobots fly up and transform.

Jetfire: My name is Jetfire.  I’m not here to fight.]

O: Jetfire!

[Megatron:  That makes ONE of us.  Speak your piece -- quickly.

Jetfire:  I’ve seen the horrors of what Dark Energon can do, Megatron -- it is not to be trifled with!  Its power is too unstable...to use it would mean disaster!]

C: Wait, these are good guys?

O: Well, yeah, but we’re not ‘good guys’.

S: We’re the bad guys.

C: Right, sorry, I meant ‘bad’ as in ‘good’, ugh.

O: [laughs]  Enemies, enemies is a good word, honey. [laughs]

C: Right.

O: [laughs harder]

S: Opposition.

[Megatron: You cannot frighten me, Jetfire.  I will use Dark Energon as I please.

Jetfire: Then you are a short sighted fool.  You’ll kill us all!]

O: [banging is heard in the background as Owls thumps her desk for emphasis] If I want to snort space crack-

C: [laughs]

O: I will SNORT SPACE CRACK!

S: [laughs]

[OS: Jetfire and the other Autobots transform and fly off as the lift reaches its destination.

Megatron:  You say that as if it were a bad thing.

Barricade: I hope this Dark Energon stuff is worth it, Megatron.]

O: Pfft- [dissolves into laughter]

C: This is just one giant drug run for Megatron.

O: [thumps desk] IT IS!!!  Tell me I’m wrong, man, but it is!  Alright-

S: No, you’re right-

[In-game cinematic: The party steps off the elevator and into the base of operations Soundwave has set up.

Megatron:  Soundwave, report!

Soundwave:  We have taken control of this portion of the station and established your base of operations.]

O: Soundwave!  Also, not a cinematic, thank fuck. [laughs]

S: Yeah, god my character’s so tiny…

O: Soundwave!  My baby.

S: Barricade- Barricade is so tiny compared to everyone else.

[Soundwave is typing on a holo screen he’s in front of as Megatron steps up beside him.

Soundwave: Scans indicate that Starscream has locked down all logical routes to the Dark Energon reactor.]

O: Then make some illogical ones!

[Barricade ribs Brawl.

Barricade: Huh--and we’re fresh out of Star Cruisers to tunnel our way.

Soundwave continues to work on the holo screen in front of him as Megatron turns and paces while glaring at Barricade.

Megatron: Quiet.  There must be another access point… We have to reach the station’s next pod!

Soundwave points at the screen.

Soundwave:  Megatron -- I have located a nearby Dark Matrix Center to reveal any alternate means of entry to the next pod.  Advanced teams have already been sent to clear your path.

Megatron: Then we have no time to waste.

New Objective: Secure the Station Schematics.]

C: Meanwhile, Soundwave still being the brains of the operation.

[OS: Megatron runs down the hallway indicated by Soundwave.  He passes by several wounded Decepticons.]

O: Well, obviously, he’s the best Decepticon.

S: Yeah.

[Wounded Grunt: Uggggh, I think I’m going offline.

Barricade: These soldiers look pretty banged up.

SS: Barricade is standing in the base of operations before suddenly teleporting to the hallway Megatron is in.  He turns around and see the door, which as closed behind them.]

S: Ahh…

[Megatron: Unacceptable.  They should be victorious, or dead.]

O: Hi!  I’m an asshole!

[Grunt:  They’re putting up a good fight, alright.

Megatron:  Then put up a better fight!

SS: Barricade suddenly teleports again, this time onto a lift with Megatron and Brawl.]

C: What the-?  We keep teleporting because Megatron's walking through to things.

[SS: The lift begins going up.]

O: That's right, bitches!

C: It’s very disorienting.

O: [laughs]  And now you’re here!

S: I was hoping I’d be able to find some ammo.

O: Oh...sorry.

[(COM) Soundwave: Megatron -- be aware that you face overwhelming odds against Starscream’s soldiers.  It is statistically unlikely that your advance teams can defeat all of them.  I shall await your word that you have reached the Data Matrix Center.]

C: Are you out uh, Specs?

S: I'm close to being out.

C: Can I-

O: I don’t have very much.

[CS: The party exits the left and walks down a hallway before running into a large group of Autobots.]

C: Can I drop guns?  I would give you the grenade launcher if I can.

S: It’s okay I'm going to-

[SS: Barricade runs up and slashes an Autobot with his sword.]

O: I think it's more dangerous for me to have the grenade launcher, that's why I said take it.

C: Ha!

S: I wanna sta-

O: It's like every time, I don't know why.  I'm just terrible with it.

S: I just want to stab. [laughs]

C: [laughs]

[SS: Barricade turns into another hallway and is fired on by Autobots before being downed.]

O: I want to stab.

C: I'm a talking car!  I want to do what I want.

O: I want to stab.

S: [laughs]

[OS: Megatron takes out the three Autobots firing on the party while Brawl runs up to Barricade and begins to revive him.]

S: I’m also dying.  Oh...

C: Don’t worry, we got ya.

[OS: Barricade is back up and the party continues to fire on the opposing Autobots.]

O: It’s fine, Chezni’s just gonna be our- our healer, I think.

C: I usually end up playing that when I’m playing multiplayer games.

O: Do- do you want me to be the healer?  I think the answer is no.

[OS: Barricade runs into the group of Autobots and goes down.]

S: I died again.

[CS: Brawl runs up to Barricade and revives him.  The gunfight continues.]

O: You've got to stop exploding.

S: [laughs]  Yeah… ohhh.

C: So Specs, when you come back, how much health do you have?

S: Uh, teeny- teeny sliver.

C: Oh, just the one [bar]?

S: Yes.

C: Okay.

O: Argh, I'm out [of ammo]!  Alright.

S: Alright, I need the heals.  Give me the heals.  Where are-

[SS: Barricade runs forward, gets shot by the Autobots and downed.]

O: Uh, there's a blue cube over there that I think is health?

S: Oh, okay, well, I’m dead again.

[SS: Brawl runs up to Barricade and revives him.]

O: Okay, thank you.

C: [laughs] Those Autobots just stood there and let me pick Specs- oh shoot!

[SS: Brawl takes several shots to the face and goes down.]

C: Now I’m down.

S: How do I revive you!?

C: Hold E.

S: I'm holding E!

[OS: Barricade is trying to revive Brawl, while Megatron is in tank mode sliding from side to side shooting the Autobots on the other end of the hallway.]

C: You gotta- you gotta go over until it says “Hold”-

S: Oh.

[OS: Brawl is back on his feet.]

C: I got a little scared there!  I was very close to dying! [laughs]

[OS: Megatron runs out of tank ammo and transforms back into robot mode.]

O: I’m completely out of damn ammo!

S: Ohh!  Okay, I’ve got-

C: I’m just like, “Specs, you wouldn’t leave me to die, right?  Specs?”

S: [laughs] I’ve got ammo again, somehow.

O: Oh my goddddd.

[SS: Barricade goes down.]

S: Sorry, we’re dead, I guess?

C: No, no we're not!  We're gonna rescue him!

[CS: Brawl runs forward towards Barricade before going down almost immediately.]

C:  Gah, just- just kidding, Specs.

O: You guys are killing me.

S: [laughs]

[CS: Megatron runs up to Brawl and begins to revive him.]

C: Rescue Specs first!

O: Oh right!

C: She's gonna die first!

[OS: Megatron runs over to Barricade and revives him.]

C: I've got 600 seconds er, 600, 500, 400, okay.  Thank you.

[OS: Megatron runs over to Brawl and revives him.]

O: You're welcome!  I have no ammo, and very little health!

C: All right.

O: Protect your glorious leader.

S: [laughs]

[SS: Barricade is out in front of the group shooting the Autobots.]

C:  Wait, wait, wait!  We've got bullets in vehicle mode, right!?!

[CS: Brawl transforms and maneuvers around some boxes to get a clear shoot at the Autobot soldiers.]

O: Yes, and I used all those!

C: Oh...Specs have you used your vehicle mode bullets?

S: No… I’m also dead again.

[CS: Barricade goes down and Megatron runs over and begins to revive him.  Brawl gets shot by the Autobots and begins to move back towards the group before getting shot by a mounted gun and falling down.]

C: Oh crap, so am I.

[CS: Megatron, still trying to revive Barricade goes down.]

O: Arrrgh!  Dammit.

[OS: Mission Failed screen appears.  Owls selects Restart From Last Checkpoint.]

C: Ah, man, that’s tough!

O: It’s fine!  We’ll restart from our checkpoint with hopefully ammo.

[OS: The party respawns in the room with Soundwave.  Megatron begins moving towards the hallway.]

S: That’s-

C: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this time give us a moment before- before moving on.

O: Yeah, sorry.

C: No, it’s okay.

[Brawl: I can use this!]

O: I didn’t see any…

S: Alright, you guys have full health?

O: Yes.

C: No.

O: Oh, my bad.

S: Cuz there’s a health thing over here, I’m- I’ve got-

[OS: Megatron walks up to a chest with a crosshair on it.]

O: I think this is ammo.

C: Oh, I don’t need it if it’s ammo.

S: I’ve got three bars.

O: Specs, I think this is ammo.

S: Well, I mean I'm literally sitting here looking at a thing of health, if someone needs it-

O: Well, take it, I don’t need it, and I don’t think Chezni-

C: I need it.

O: Oh.

[OS: Brawl runs over to a health chest and smashes it open.]

C: If you don’t need it.

S: I've got three bars, so yes, Chezni, you can have it.

C: Thank you.

S: You’re welcome.  Um, and I think I’m good on ammo right now.

O: Oh, good because I definitely need some.

[OS: Megatron smashes the chest with the crosshair.]

C: It looks- it looks like there are grenades here-

O: OH NO, IT’S A GUN!

[OS: Megatron picks up an Energon Battle Pistol (5x Scope).]

O: Oh, thank fuck- oh my god it’s a sniper rifle!   I’m so ~happppy!~ [laughs] I have one goal in life, and that is to be a sniper rifle person. [sniffs] That was the dumbest way to say that, let’s go.

A: [laugh]

[OS: Megatron runs down the hallway towards the lift, and sees an EMP Shotgun off to the side.]

C: A sniper-

O: There’s a- oh Chezni, there’s a SHOTGUN!

C: Wait, what?

[Wounded Grunt: Uggggh, I think I’m going offline.

Barricade: These soldiers look pretty banged up.]

O: Shotgun, right there, take it.

[Megatron: Unacceptable.  They should be victorious, or dead.]

C: Where?

O: Right here!   Where I’m dancing around!

[CS: Brawl turns around and runs down the hallway towards where Megatron is running back in forth around the shotgun.

Grunt:  They’re putting up a good fight, alright.

Megatron:  Then put up a better fight!]

C: That’s where I was walking and you yelled-

O: Shotgun, shotgun!

[CS: Brawl stops in front of the gun Megatron is still dancing around.]

C: Oh, but I- yeah, um, Spec- um, ah, yeah.

O: You’ll keep the one your have, uh, for me it’s ‘Y’ to swap between the two, so I still have my Fusion Cannon and-

C: Hey Specs, come here and grab the Neutron Assault Rifle.

S: Oh sorry, I-

[BS: Barricade runs up and grabs the gun.]

C: Oh shoot!  No, I dropped the rifle so now Specs has two machine guns!

O: Oops.

C: I meant to drop the grenade launcher!

S: Oh…

O: I do not remember if you can drop anything else but at least you have double the ammo, I think?

C: That's true.

O: I think that's how that works?

[Note: It’s not, if you pick up the same gun twice it just refills your ammo.]

S: I don't know how to drop things, uh…

O: I don’t remember.

C: We don't think you can.

O: Um, okay, are we good?  Is that everything?

[OS: Megatron runs down the hallway to same lift as before.]

S: I- I’m good.

O: We got health, and ammo, I have a sniper rifle.  I'm so happy right now. [laughs]

S: I think I have-

C: Yeah, I think I’m good.

S: I think I have grenades.

O:  Just be careful to not explode yourself.  I... should not have grenades there's a reason I should not have grenades.

[OS: Megatron activates the lift.

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron -- be aware that you face overwhelming odds against Starscream’s soldiers.  It is statistically unlikely that your advance teams can defeat all of them.  I shall await your word that you have reached the Data Matrix Center.]

C: You can throw grenades with ‘G’, Specs.

S: Oh, okay.

O: Don't do it here though!

A: [laugh]

S: I wasn't going to!

O: I didn't know that!

C: The rare moment where you see fear on Megatron's face.

S: [laughs]

[OS: The party disembarks from the lift and runs down a hallway, smashing or shooting several Autobots before reaching the room they had previously died in.]

S: Oh.

[OS: Megatron takes cover behind a box and begins shooting the distant Autobots with the sniper rifle.]

S: Oh, that is not what I wanted to do, okay.

[CS: Brawl runs into the group of Autobots, spinning around and taking out two before swapping to his shot gun and taking out another.]

S: Time to be a car!

C: Yeah, being a car sounds like a good idea right now.

[SS: Barricade moves forward shoots Autobots with machine gun fire while in car mode.]

C: Ah, there's health over here.

S: Yes.

[SS: Off to the right of the screen there’s an explosion right next to the health box.]

S: And ammo.

[OS: Megatron continues to shoot enemies with the sniper rifle, before swapping to shooting the sentry guns that have come out of the wall.  Off to the left, Barricade reverses backwards very quickly to get away from the Autobots and the guns that are shooting at him.]

S: Nyahhh!

O: Pfft. [laughs]

S: Health, health, health, health!

[CS: The energon cube in front of Megatron is picked up by Barricade.  Megatron falls back towards Brawl’s position.]

O: Ugh, is the ammo still there?

S: No.

O: It's okay, I still have all of my Fusion Cannon shots.

[CS: Brawl and Barricade move forward and get shot by the sentry guns.  Brawl retreats, but Barricade falls down.]

S: I'm out.

[OS: Megatron runs over to Barricade and revives him, while taking multiple shoots from the sentry guns, before moving back behind cover.]

O: Move.

[OS: Barricade gets up, stands still, then tries to run forward before falling down again.]

S: Oh... god damn it.

[OS: From behind cover Megatron fires on the sentry guns, destroying the two on the right.  Brawl runs around firing in the general direction of the guns while not really hitting them.]

C: Okay, I think I took out the sentry guns.

S: Uh, Chezni, could you… or someone?

[OS: Megatron runs over to Barricade and revives him.]

C: Oh, shoot, sorry.

O: And is the health still there?

C: Uh… I-

S: I don’t think so- ah.

[OS: Megatron runs over to where the energon cube had been prior, and upon not seeing it, heads towards the end of the hallway the Autobots had been guarding.]

O: It’s fine- just thought I’d ask.

[CS: Brawl uses his feet thrusters to jump down the hallway, stopping in front of an ammo box.]

S: I think we all could use-

O: Ah!  AMMO!

[CS: Megatron runs up to the ammo box.  Brawl walks past further down the hallway, where a health box is visible.]

O: Can I have this?

C: I don’t need it.

S: There's also health up there, so…

O: Uh, I only have one bar do-

S: Go for it.

C: I think we all only have one bar.

O: Okay.

S: So just go for it.

O: No, I'm standing in the back- somebody else in front take that.

[CS: Brawl smashes a weapon box and finds a Neutron Assault Rifle.  He picks it up, dropping the shotgun.]

C: Uh… Neutron Assault Rifle-

S: Okay.

[SS: Barricade slashes the health box open and picks up the energon inside.]

C: -what's that?

[SS: Barricade runs over to a console next to a door.]

S: ~Oh!  There's a thing I can interact with, I think?

C: Yeah!  Go ahead-

O: Wait!  Do you want this gun?  It's a shotgun.

S: Um…

[SS: Barricade turns around, Brawl and Megatron are running around a little further back.]

O: I don't.  I was asking-

S: Where’s the gun?

C: It’s right here.

[SS: Brawl moves forward to where the gun is, Barricade walks over and picks it up.]

S: Oh, um…

O: It's up to you!

S: Okay.  Alrighty, thank you.

[OS: Megatron activates the panel, opening the door.]

C: [laughs] We're the most polite, cooperative, Decepticons.

O: Right?

S: [laughs]

O: Except when I'm like, “Bow to your glorious leader!” [laughs]

C: And shooting the people with fear.

[In-game cinematic: The party enters a room where boxes are coming out of the floor and being moved around by large claws from the ceiling.  They are shoot at by an Autobot, who brings up a forcefield in front of him.]

O: Ugh, fucking barrier guys.  Okay.

[OS: Megatron takes cover behind a box and kills the barrier Autobot once he drops his shield a few times.]

S: Oh...okay.  Um...

[SS: Barricade shoots an Autobot with his shotgun.]

O: I thought there was another barrier guy- there he is, okay.

[SS: Barricade walks up a ramp and takes out an Autobot who lets out a very loud death cry as he explodes.]

O: Pfft, okay, well, that was a death cry for the ages.

C: [laughs] Yeah, I heard that one.

[SS: Barricade interacts with a console and bridge is formed, spanning the upper level of the room the party is in.]

S: [quietly] Okay.

O: Are you alright?  Still alive?

S: Yeah, um.

[CS: Brawl runs up the ramp, and throws some grenades across the bridge into a group of Autobots.

Brawl: There’s plenty more where that grenade came from.  Not as satisfying as melee, but gets the job done!]

O: Oh shut up. [laughs]

[SS: Barricade shoots an Autobot, who falls over and makes an even goofy sounding death cry than the last one.]

S: I-

O: [imitating Autobot] Warrrgh!

[SS: Barricade shoots another Autobot in the crotch until he dies.]

S: I think I was shooting him in the crotch.

O: [snorts] I’m telling ya, that’s- that's the weakness of all Cybertronians.

C: I knew it.

A: [laugh]

O: Okay, there’s ammo down there, anybody need ammo?

[OS: Megatron walks over to the ledge and sees an ammo chest on the ground floor of the room they’re in.]

C: I'm good.

S: I think I'm good for now.

O: Give me just a second then.

[OS: Megatron jumps off, transforming in tank mode momentarily before returning to robot mode and smashing the chest with his energon mace.]

S: Also there's heals.

O: I got- I healed- oh!

[OS: Megatron is suddenly transported into a hallway behind Brawl and Barricade.]

S: Wow, I teleported.  That is disorienting.

C: Right?

O: I'm fully healed, so whatever you guys need.

[Barricade: These Cubes seem terribly outdated.

Megatron: This entire station was created over 10,000 years ago.  Much of its technology is antiquated--and inefficient.  I look forward to updating it.]

S: I've got three bars at the moment, so how about you, Chezni?

C: I’ve got one.

S: So, take it Chezni.

C: Uh-hm, got it.

S: Also this is-

O: Ammo there.

[OS: Megatron walks down the hallway, and turns towards a ammo stash before continuing on.]

S: ...ammo?

C: I don't need any ammo.

S: Do you-

O: And another weapon.

[OS: Megatron passes a weapon box, and stops, waiting on Brawl and Barricade to finish sorting out who gets what.]

S: I guess I took the thing [ammo].

[OS: Barricade walks over and smashes the weapon box.]

O: I have exactly the weapons I want, so I'm good.

C: Which one is that one?

S: I don’t think I can pick up anything else.

O: Ah, you'll drop one.  Whatever one you have equipped you'll drop, so if there's more than one-

C: No, Specs is right.  This one is glitched, we can't interact with it.

O: Oh, maybe... maybe it's cuz you already have one?  Cuz I can.

[OS: Megatron walks over to the gun and sees the, “Hold E for Neutron Assault Rifle,” text.]

S: Maybe.

C: Oh.  Yeah, I can't.  Huh, interesting.

[OS: The party continues down the hallway until they come across a door that opens up.  Autobots on the other side begin shooting at them.]

S: Oh.  Eep!  Ep-ep-ep.

[SS: Barricade runs in and fires on the Autobots, getting shot at.  The Autobots in the main part of the room are taken out by the party.]

C: That's it, I'm running in!

[CS: Brawl dashes into the room.]

C: Oh.  There's no one here!

[CS: Brawl runs around the outskirts of the room, there are no Autobots in sight.]

S: Uh, I think you might be the wrong place, because where I'm at it definitely has people!

[CS: Brawl comes across Barricade who’s being shot at by an Autobot.]

C & S: [laugh]

C: That sounds about- that sounds about how things usually go with me.

[CS: Brawl jumps around, landing on the second floor of the room, which… has no Autobots in sight.]

O: Chezni is lost, yet again.

S: [laughs]

C: I can’t find anyone!

S: You’re upstairs, Chezni.

O: It’s because me and Chezni- er, me and Specs killed everybody, dummy!

[CS: Brawl continues to jump about, finally getting back on the 1st floor with the rest of the party.]

S: You were upstairs Chezni.

O: Lost.  The word you're looking for is lost.

C: Yeah, secured the perimeter!

O: Oh, shut up.

C & O: [laugh]

O: Nothing here?

[OS: Megatron jumps down from on top of the one of the computer terminals around the room.

Megatron: Soundwave!  We’ve located the holomap -- I’m sending the data to you now.]

S: Well, I interacted with the thingy.  I don’t know…

[OS: Megatron looks up a holomap of the station that’s been generated in the upper area of the room.  A double hologram of Starscream appears on either side of it.

Starscream: Megatron!  You may have gotten this far, but you’ll never get your hands on the Dark Energon!]

O: So many Starscreams…

C: He’s just pent up isn’t he?

O: They-

S: He just wants to be tall.

O: They both are. [laughs]

[Megatron: Starscream… this acrimony is needless.  I know who you once were.  Sky Commander, and that you were betrayed.  With Dark Energon, I shall return Cybertron to its former glory -- and you to yours -- IF you agree to serve me.]

C: It looks like there's some health here, if anyone needs it.

S: Um, I could use some, where are you?

[CS: Brawl jumps down from one of the computer terminals, landing next to a cube of Energon.]

C: I’m at full, I’m over here.

[CS: Brawl begins moving back forth beside the energon cube.]

S: Sorry, I just don’t- oh, there you are, okie-dokie.

[SS: Barricade walks over to where Brawl is dancing around.]

C: It's that little cube.

S: Okie-dokie, thank you.

[SS: Barricade picks up the cube, turns around and spots another.]

S: Oh, there's more!

[Starscream: You’re a fool!  No one can control Dark Energon!]

O: Call it space crack, that’s what it is.

S: There's people.  Sorry, I'm... slightly lost, okay.

[CS: Brawl jumps to the second floor and takes out a barrier Autobot.  He runs into the hallway behind the Autobot, but a door opens up and more Autobots run in and begin to fire on him.]

C: Oh, jeez! They're coming in through the doors!

[CS: Brawl takes out the group of Autobots with the mortar.]

S: Oh.  Doors, okay.

O: Oh my god.

S: Uh… I don’t know where you guys are now.

[SS: Barricade looks around at the 1st floor of the room, and doesn’t see anybody.]

C: Uh… I- I’m up in-

S: You- you went upstairs, okay.

C: Yeah, I'm on the second floor.

[OS: Megatron is using the sniper rifle and taking aim at a Barrier Autobot.]

S: All right, uh, time to figure out how to get to the second floor.

O: Jump.  You can jump on top of stuff.

C: Oh, you can also jump twice.

[CS: Brawl continues to jump around the second floor, taking out more Autobots, before landing back on the first floor.]

O: Yeah.

S: Yeah, I can't get high enough in my jump for that though.

C: You have to jump up on the computers, and then you can jump up on the- or just kidding the computer is decided to go to sleep now.

[SS: Megatron jumps on top of the computers, but they slowly sink into the floor.]

S: Yes.

[(COM) Soundwave: Megatron -- there is a route through the manufacturing plant nearby that Starscream has not yet blocked.  Transmitting coordinates.

Megatron: Excellent!  Decepticons!  Lock this room down and await our return!

OS: New Objective - Infiltrate the Manufacturing Area to Proceed]

O: Is there anything else here?

S: Uh…

C: I didn't see anything.

[OS: A closed door is dented in by force from the other side.]

O: [quietly] Oh dear.

C: Friend of yours, Megatron?

O: Uh... no. [laughs]

C: [laughs]

[OS: The door is blasted open by a heavily armored Autobot with an axe and a sheild.]

O: They’re fuckers with shields!

C: Are you sure?

O: Do I look like I use a shield!?!

C: Tru- fair.

[OS: The sheild Autobot charges the group.  Megatron swaps to his Fusion Cannon and begins firing.]

C: It looks like they have a weak point on their back.

[CS: Brawl shoots at a sparking area on the Autobot’s back.]

[OS: Megatron hits the weak point with a Fusion Cannon blast.]

O: Get away from him, because he'll explode.

[OS: Megatron backs up as the Autobot explodes.]

C: Well, that was fun.

O: Oh, it's not when there's like six of them, let me tell ya.  I hate those guys, they’re my least favorite ones.

[OS: Megatron walks down the hallway the sheild Autobot came from, coming across an ammo chest.]

O: More ammo, if it nobody needs that I'm gonna take it.

[Barricade: So--what exactly did they manufacture here?

Megatron: Transport devices for Dark Energon.  The ancients constructed special pods they could launch to any part of Cybertron.]

S: I could use some more, but there looks like more- I dunno know, probably gun.

[SS: Barricade walks up to a weapon chest, smashes it and walks through the resulting gun that’s appeared.]

S: Can’t touch it.

O: It's a- it’s a shot gun, what you just picked up, so…

S: Erm, well.

O: Okay, got a-

S: Gah.

[OS: Megatron walks up to door that opens to reveal a hallway with four sentry guns shooting electricity at a wounded Autobot on the ground.]

C: That looks painful.

S: Yes!

[OS: Megatron uses his sniper rifle to take out the Autobot and half the sentry guns, which seems to deactivate the two on the other wall.  He begins walking down the hallway and spots a health box.]

C: Hmmm...

O: Uh, I've got two bars.

C: Wait, are we gonna get electrocuted if we walk through?

O: Um, no, because I shot them.

[OS: Brawl and Barricade turn a corner in the hallway, and Megatron grabs the energon after smashing the box.  He follows the other two down the hallway and sees Barricade standing in front of a grenade canister.]

S: Oh!  What’s this?

O: Those are-

S: Just grenades.

O: -grenades.  By all means, take them, cuz I hate grenades.

S: I cannot pick them up, okay.

[OS: Barricade runs through the grenades, but they remain.]

C: It's cuz you already have three.

S: Which I don't- Ohhh okay, yeah I need to throw them with G, apparently.

C: Yep.

O: If you want ‘em, take him Chezni.

C: I- I’m at full, I keep forgetting to use them.

[CS: Brawl walks into a room where the floor is covered with some sort of blue liquid or energy, and on a ledge across from the party a barrier Autobot is firing on them.  Brawl gets hit with a rocket.]

C: Oww!  What!?!  Who di- who shot a rocket at me!?!

O: Probably that guy behind the shield.

C: Well, he's a jerk!

[OS: Brawl and Barricade charge across a bridge at the barrier Autobot, while Megatron takes him out with his sniper rifle.]

S: Okay, I’m off… I’m low on ammo.

[(COM) Soundwave: Megatron--according to my scans the manufacturing plant is directly below your floor.

Brawl: There is no exhaust coming from that vent.  We can blast through to make an entrance!

Barricade:  Aren’t you concerned at all driving into the belly of a furnace?

Megatron: Aren’t YOU concerned that I might tire of your pointless chatter?

SS: Megatron and Brawl are looking at the area where the Autobot was standing, their backs to the vent they should be looking at.  Barricade walks over and shoots the air vent the UI is indicating.]

C: Oh gosh.

O: I'm sorry I don’t-- it's giving me a button, and I do not know what button it is on my controller so…

S: Possibly-

C: I don't have any button interactions as far as-.

S: Neither do I.  Maybe E?

O: It said something about a vent, and I remember getting stuck here last time-

C: Oh, it's over here.

[CS: Brawl turns around and jumps into the open vent.]

S: Vent… uh…

C: Over here.

O: Oh, I see.

S: Oh, the thing that I shot, okay.

O: Wee!

[OS: Megatron jumps down the vent.]

O: Yeah.

[SS: Barricade jumps down the vent and lands without any apparent damage despite the height of the fall..]

C: Wow, no fall damage.

O: Yep.  We are giant robots-

C: Banjo Kazooie this is not.

O: We are giant robots, after all.

[OS: The party lands in a corridor that has massive spinning fans and vents that periodically spew fire upwards.  It’s a very safe looking area.  Very safe.

Megatron: Those fans will split you in two!  I can’t use you if you’re dead!]

O: [snorts]

S: Oh Megatron, you're so sentimental.

C: [laughs]

[CS: The party makes their way through the vents, before reaching the first giant fan in their path.]

O: [muttering] Alright… what do I have to- yup.

[CS: Megatron shoots at the fan once before jumping into the air and floating.]

C: Think we have to shoot the fans?

[CS: Brawl shoots the middle of the fan, nothing happens.]

O: Uh, I don’t know.  We have to shoot something, I just don't remember what part of it is we shoot.

[OS: Megatron shoots in the middle closer to the fan blades and the blades fall apart after a couple of shots.]

S: Well-

O: Oh yeah, you’re right, we shoot the fan blades.

C: Well, that was... simple.

[Megatron: Stay clear of the fans, you fool!

OS: Megatron moves forward, dodging more vents, stopping in front of the second large fan and tries shooting it with his Fusion Cannon, ineffectively.  He then turns around and sees Barricade and Brawl standing a long ways off behind him.]

C: Specs and I are just gonna stand back and watch you handle this. [laughs]

O: Well- urgh, dah, I’m not actually good at hitting these things…

[SS: Barricade transforms into car mode and shoots the fan, destroying the blades.]

C: Ha!  I think Specs got- had it in car mode.

S: Yes, because I have actually ammo then.

[OS: Megatron walks forward into a shaft that has a small bridge in the middle with another huge fan underneath it.]

O: Why do I feel like this breaks and we end up riding it down?

S: Probably!  Woooah!

O: That seems like the kind of crazy- oh no, we have to the- the- the fans, I think?

[OS: Megatron attempts to shoot the fan blades, missing every shot.]

S: Oh… I… okay, uh.

O: Maybe?

[CS: Brawl shoots the fan blades with his machine gun.]

C: Nailed it!

[Brawl: See you at the bottom!

SS: Everyone jumps off the bridge, aiming for another one some distance below.]

S: Oh.  Okay.  I can’t-

O: Careful you don’t land on a fan.

[SS: Barricade falls into a fan and dies, but lands on the next bridge below the one the rest of the party is on.]

S: There I went!  I’m dead.

C: Oh no!

[Soundwave: Megatron.  Starscream is alerted to your presence in the production facility.  Expect resistance.

OS: The fan blades have been destroyed.  Megatron jumps off to go to the level below but gets caught on the edge of the middle section of the fan and gets stuck.]

O: [quietly] Oh god, I’m stuck.

[OS: Megatron accidently throws a grenade that sticks to the wall right in front of him.]

C: At least you landed in the middle.

[OS: The grenade explodes and takes out nearly half Megatron’s health.  Below him, Brawl lands on the bridge and revives Barricade.]

O: NO!  Oh crap, I’m really stuck.

[OS: Megatron transforms into tank mode and falls down.]

O: Oh nooooo! [laughs]

[OS: Megatron transforms into robot mode as he falls and misses the platform hitting the fan.]

C: What’s going on?

O:  Argh!!! [laughs]

[OS: Megatron lands on a ledge off to the side of the shaft.]

O: I got stuck, and then um, couldn’t move?

C: Alright, alright, alright…

O: And I’m down here and I’m going to-

C: Nooo!!!

[OS: From Megatron’s viewpoint we see Brawl fall past where Megatron’s stuck and dying.]

C: I missed!

O: [laughing]  I’m sorry!  I was like, stuck, and then I transformed into tank mode, and was like, “Oh hey, I got away-”

[OS: The party gets the game over screen and restart from when they first entered the room with the giant fans and the vents.]

O: And then uh, and then I fell into the fan, and it was just bad.  It was bad, okay.  It’s not my fault I got stuck!

C: It’s not your fault I missed either.

O: [laughs]

S: That was-

[Megatron: Those fans will split you in two!  I can’t use you if you’re dead!

OS: Megatron destroys the fan in three shoots, unlike the first time.]

C: Whoa!

O: Yeah, I gotta aim at the middle not the fans [blades].  Then I do all right.

[Megatron: Stay clear of the fans, you fool!

OS: Megatron destroys the next fan quickly and the party reaches the shaft.]

O: Alright, let's see if I can uh, do this again without getting uh, cut into pieces.

C: That’s gen- generally the uh, the better way of doing things.

[SS: Barricade destroys the fan below the first bridge.]

O: [snorts] Thank you.

C: Oh jeez-

[CS: Brawl jumps off, landing on the bridge below.

Brawl: See you at the bottom!]

S: I'm not- not a fan of this!  I don’t wanna!  Shit…

C: Ha!  Specs, you're not a fan of this?  Really?

S: [laughs]

C: A fan?

S: [laughs]

O: Are you two having fun?

C & S: [laugh]

S: We like puns.

C: [continues laughing]

O: [sighs] Of course you do.

[SS: Barricade jumps off and lands on the platform below.]

S: [laughs] We've had this discussion.

[OS: Brawl falls down nearly right on top of Barricade.]

C: Oh geez, look out!  I'm sorry!

[OS: Megatron is looking over the edge of the bridge at the fans.]

S: I'm out of ammo, and I can't shoot it in car mode.

O: Uh-

C: There's grenades over here.

[CS: Brawl jumps over to an opening in the wall and picks up some grenades.]

C: We can just throw grenades on it- oh shoot!  Ah!

[CS: Brawl dashes into the fan blades and falls down.]

C: That was not the grenade button…

[CS: Brawl comes to rest on a ledge on the side of the shaft.]

C: That was the dash button!

[OS: Megatron ineffectively shoots at the fan blades.]

O: Argh, if I can get down there!

C: 600.

O: OH MY GOD!

C: 400.

[SS: Barricade tosses grenades out towards the fan blades, between the grenades and the shooting, the fan is finally defeated.]

O: I can hit so much stuff, but not fans apparently!

S: Sorry, I just lobbed-

C: 200, 50.

[CS: The death counter stops on 18, the camera is adjusted, and Megatron is seen standing over Brawl.]

C: Oh my gosh!  You got it at 18!

O: Oh, JESUS!

C: Wow.

[Barricade: This place is pretty active to be thousands of years old.

Megatron: Soundwave reactivated it upon my orders.  I have VERY special plans for this facility.]

O: This fan has SUUUUCKED!

[OS: Megatron jumps down onto a platform below.  It dents inwards as he lands.]

S: Where are you guys?

C & S: [laugh]

O: Just jump down.  Jump down there's no more fans.

S: Yes, I know I'm already at the ground.

[SS: Barricade is waiting on the bottom floor, which is some sort of manufacturing facility.]

O: Oh, okay, well, I’ll be right there.

C: [laughs] We’re coming.

S: Oh, there you are.

[CS: Megatron lands in a way that is very reminiscent of his movements in Transformers: Prime.]

O: What’s up? [laughs]

C: [laughs] The hero landing.

O: Is it really a hero landing if he’s doing it though? [laughs]

C: Super villain landing.

O: [snorts] Warlor- or gladiator landing, more like it.

[OS: Megatron walks up a ramp, into a large open room.  High walkways going between some pillars are seen in the distance.]

O: All righty then, I remember this!  I remember, cuz I died here A LOT!  Because there are guys up on that fucking walkway!

S: I need-

[OS: Megatron takes aim at Autobots on the walkways through the sniper rifle’s scope.

Megatron: What?!?

Brawl: Snipers on the bridge, Megatron!

Megatron: Crush them!]

S: Ohhh~

[SS: Barricade picks up a sniper rifle.]

O: I'm going to enjoy shooting them with a fucking scope.

[SS: An object in front of Barricade explodes.]

S: Shitttttt!  Give me the ammo!

[SS: Barricade runs over to a box of ammo and smashes it.]

C: You know the environments- environments in this game are really nice looking.

S: I think I’ve got-

O: Yeah, they are they did a good job with the design work, I think.  Okay...

S: Alright, who am I supposed to…

[CS: Brawl runs around below the catwalks, before take a hit that takes out over ¼ of this health in one shot.]

C: Ow!  What the-?  Who shot me?

O: There- a bunch of them are up on the catwalks up there.

[OS: Megatron takes out an Autobot with his sniper rifle.]

C: I can't even get up into the catwalks.

S: Um-

[CS: Brawl and Barricade attempt to jump onto the catwalks.]

O:  You may not be able to.

[OS: All the enemies are defeated and Megatron heads into the next room.]

O: I’m not sure where you guys are- oh.

[OS: Megatron turns around to find Brawl and Barricade right behind him.]

S: I’m behind you.

C: We’re behind you.

[OS: A shield Autobot bursts through a wall in front of the party.]

O: Whoa!

C: Oh, it’s a shield guy.

O: Yeah, I hate these guys.

S: You’ve mentioned!

[OS: Shield Autobot is defeated and Megatron picks up the energon cube that he dropped.

Megatron: Ah!  Precious energon!]

C: [laughs]

O: Look, he was hungry, alright?  He was hungry.

C: He- the way he said it!

O: [deep voice] PRECIOUS ENERGON!

[SS: The party roams around an area where large claws are coming down from the ceiling in front of them and crushing the floor.]

O: Okay, so obviously, avoid those things.  Those things are bad, um...

C: Sure, we'll we'll follow you.

O: Uh, we're going the wrong way- eh, we need to go that way.  Okay.

S: The same direction I'm pointed in?

[SS: Barricade walks into the shockwave of one of the claws and takes some damage.]

S: Ah!

O: Yep.

C: Oh, ow!  Guess I was too close?

O: Just avoid the electricity and you’ll be fine.

[OS: Megatron finishes crossing the area with the claws ahead of Brawl and Barricade.]

O: She said, last words-ing-ly.

[CS: Barricade and Brawl catch up with Megatron.]

S: Well, I mean, we’re here…

[SS: The party moves into the next room.  Barricade activates a panel, which raises a platform and generates a bridge for the party to cross to room.

Megatron: Once I have enough Dark Energon online, I will use these canisters to transport it to Cybertron!  The Autobots’ surprise will be TOTAL.]

O: Sure... sure, buddy.  Sure.  Space crack.  I’m gonna surprise them with space crack.  I'm sorry, that is what I'm translating it as every single time though!

[OS: The party gets on a lift, and Megatron activates it via the panel in front of them.]

S: Well, it's not space crack, it's space bath salts.

O: [snorts] That can be used as space crack, apparently.

[Megatron: I tire of these futile attempts to resist me.  Dark Energon will be MINE.

OS: The lift begins going up.]

S: Well no, no- I mean, bath salts, as in the drug.

O: Oh, I thought they were using actual bath salts as drugs... but perhaps I'm wrong, I don't know.  I'm not gonna keep up with the drug ‘lingo’.

[Barricade: What makes you think you can control the Dark Energon, when no one else has ever been able to?

Megatron: Only the strong are worthy of such a weapon, Barricade.  I am the strongest.  And do not question me again!]

C: Owls 2020, she's not gonna keep up with the drug lingo.

O: [laughs]

S: It’s not relevant to our live-

O: [laughs] Yup, that’s- that’s- that’s my platform, vote for me!

E: [laughs]

[In-game cinematic: The party exits the lift into an area that’s partially open to space.  It looks like a large hanger that’s had the back part of it violently ripped apart.  Cybertron is visible in the distance.]

O: I remember dying here a lot too.  Probably cuz shit flies.

[Megatron: Cybertron.

Brawl: Flyers inbound!

An aerial Autobot flies in from space, Megatron shoots them with his fusion cannon, but the Autobot transforms and lands on the floor.  Several other Aerialbots arrive.]

S: Okay.

[CS: Brawl jumps forward and takes out one of the Autobots.]

O: Okay, I hate these too, because they move too much... for me to hit.

[OS: Megatron tries to shoot at the aerialbots with his sniper rifle.  It’s not very effective.]

C: Crap, crap, crap-

S: Shit.

C: -crap.

[Megatron: We got another one!]

C: Yeah, I'm out.

[SS: Barricade is up on a platform shooting aerialbots.  Brawl is fainted down below.]

O: I can’t tell if I'm just not hitting them, or if they’re just not taking damage.

S: I... I need heals.

[OS: Megatron revives Brawl.]

C: Alright, where's Specs?

O: I got her.

[OS: Megatron takes out several Aerialbots with his Fusion Cannon.]

S: Oh... shit!

O: Are you dead again?

[Barricade: Where do we go now, Megatron?]

S: Nope.  I’m not dead again I just…

[Brawl: The damage looks… old.  It’s been this way for a good while.  But no weapon I know of could’ve done this.]

O: Uh, who needs health?  There's health down here.

C: Everybody.

S: I am at one bar.

O: Then you get down here and take it Specs.

S: Okay.

[Megatron: I don’t care what did -- find a way across!

(COM) Soundwave: The holomap indicates no damage to this area.]

O: I don't care if my space crack-

[SS: Barricades walks over and smashes the health box.

Megatron: Yes… this is unexpected.  The entire area lies in shambles.]

S: Thank you.

O: You’re welcome!  I do however need ammo because I'm completely out except for however many I have in-

[CS: Brawl jumps over to a platform with a red token floating on it.]

C: Uh, I found a Decepticon token.

O: Uh, that's not a Decepticon token, dear.

[CS: Brawl smashes the Autobot token.]

C: Well, whatever it was I blew it up.

O: It was an Autobot token.

C: Oh, was that-

O: The Autobots are red.

C: -good or bad?

O: I have no idea.

C: [laughs] Why did I do that?

O: Because you're you, [laughs] what else could you be?  Okay, well whatever that is...

S: Ohh!~  There's this thing to interact with or are you- you're interacting with it.

[SS: Megatron and Barricade are jumping around and make it over to a control console.  Megatron activates it.]

S: Oh-

O: It moved something, I think?

[SS: A claw arm on the wall opposite where Barricade is standing begins to move before breaking and dropping down, and creating a platform.]

O: That, yes.  And bring more fliers, cuz we needed more.

[OS: More Autobot flyers fly in from the side of the room open to space.  Megatron transforms into tank mode.

CS: Brawl takes out two Autobots

OS: Megatron takes out the last Autobot.]

O: Yeah, that’s not good.  I have six, I have six tank ammos left, and that’s it.

[OS: Megatron transforms from robot mode to tank mode and back again, comparing his remaining ammo in the HUD.]

S: Oh...

C: Take heart, Megatron.  We’ll make it.

O: Will we though?

[OS: Megatron jumps across the broken claw into a enclosed debris acting as a bridge to the next floating platform.

CS: Brawl follows shortly thereafter.]

O & C: [laugh]

S: I’m-

O: The world's most pragmatic Megatron would just be weird. [laughs]

[SS: Barricade attempts to jump into the bridge, but misses it and falls a short distance onto the floor below.]

S: Warghh!

O: ...That's like the Lost Light version of him, I think.

S: Yeah.

O: Ya, alright?

S: Yeah, I just was afraid I was going to uh, jump off.

[SS: Barricade jumps into the bridge.]

O: Shit.

S: Into the void of space.

O: Oh god!  Who's shooting at me, and why does it hurt!?!

[SS: Barricade reaches the other side of the bridge, catching up with Brawl.]

C: Wait, where are you?

O: I'm not dead yet but I'm gonna be!

[CS: There is gunfire in the distance, Megatron goes down.]

C: Okay.

O: Well, now I’m dead.

C: Shoot!

[CS: Brawl jumps over some platforms to reach where Megatron has fallen, it looks like he almost fell off the edge because he fell in between one of the platforms, but landed on a small piece of debris instead..]

S: Like, I- woop, woop!

O: I can’t-

S: Woop!

O: I'm behind you.

[CS: Brawl kills the attacking Autobot and revives Megatron.]

C: Sorry, I was just trying to take out the guy before I rescued you.

O: No, it’s fine, I was just like, oh my god.

S: There's ammo right there.

O: Oh, thank fuck!

[SS: Megatron runs over and smashes an ammo box with his mace.]

O: [quietly]  Jammed?  What?

[OS: Megatron’s abilities have the word, “Jammed” superimposed on top of them in the HUD.]

C: Yeah, your abilities get jammed, I noticed, after you get revived.

O: Oh!  I didn’t realize.

C: They have to come back online.

S: God, I hate doing stuff on areas like this where you can fall into goddamn space.

[OS: The party continues to move across the huge debris field of broken up spacestation bits floating around in space.]

C & S: [laugh]

C: Well the-

O: But it’s space, I love space!

S: [laughs]

C: The real question is why is there any gravity here at all?

O: I think it must be remnants from something the space- the station is generating.

[CS: Autobot fliers attack the party, who return fire.]

C: I mean, that's fair.

O: You really need a machine gun, I feel like, with the flyers, and I don’t usually have one.

[OS: After dispatching the Autobots the party reaches a larger platform, a weapons chest is visible.]

O: Uh, there's another weapon down here.

[OS: Barricade runs over and smashes the chest.]

C: I’m behind-

S: I can't touch it.

C: Uh, it's a shotgun.

O: Must be another-

S: Uh, I think I’ve already got a shot-

O: You do.

[OS: Brawl picks up the shotgun, leaving behind one of his previously equipped guns.]

C: I'll try it.  Eh, it refills ammo anyway.

S: Oh…

C: I was almost out of the other weapon I left behind.

S: Eep… I don't- I don't like these areas.

[CS: The party continues on, reaching an area with a reasonable large gap between the next platform they need to get too.  More Autobots attack, and Brawl jumps to the new platform and begins attacking them.]

S: I really don't like these areas.

[OS: Megatron takes out one of the Autobots with the sniper rifle, after missing with the first few shots.]

O: [quietly] Jesus!

C: Nice.

O: Yeah, took way too many shots.

[SS: Megatron runs over to a health chest.]

O: Health up here, I'm gonna take it because I’ve only got one bar.

C: I don’t need it.

S: I do not need health either, so…

S: Woop!

C: Ammo over here.

S: Yeah, so you should probably take it, er- Owls?

[OS: Megatron runs over to the ammo chest and smashes it.]

C: No, I'm pretty much full.

[SS: Brawl takes out yet another Aerialbot.]

C: Oh shoot…

O: Thank you!

[SS: The party continues jumping between platforms, heading towards the remnants of a structure in the distance.]

C: Another Decepticon logo over there.

O: Where?

S: Autobot?

C: Er, Autobot logo.  Yeah, yup.

O: Where?

C: I got it.

S: You murdered it?

C: No, no I mean- I- I mean I saw my mistake.  It's over there- up there rather.

[CS: Brawl shoots an Autobot badge floating on a high platform some distance away from the party.]

S: Oh, in front of us?

C: I just shot it, it blew up.

O: I don’t see it...

C: It- it blew up…

O: Is- am I crazy?

[CS: Megatron hops between a couple of platforms.]

C: No, it blew up.  I- it's not there anymore.

S: Oh, there's more ammo over here.

C: You okay, Owls?  Oh no.

[CS: Brawl tries to jump onto the platform Megatron was standing on but misses and falls into the void OF SPACEEEEE!]

O: Oh yeah- yeah, I'm just confused.  Woah.  Oh my god, Chezni, you walked off the damn plat- [dissolves into laughter]

[OS: The Mission Failed screen is displayed, Owls selects Restart From Last Checkpoint.]

C: Yup.

O: [laughs] Good job!

C: Yup.

O: Good job!

C: [laughs]

O: Everybody slow clap for Chezni.  Hey-

[OS: The party starts in almost exactly the same location as they were before the game over screen.]

C: Well, no, no- actually I did it so you can see the Autobot logo [laughs] cuz now it's back!

[OS: Megatron looks up at the platform and shoots the Autobot badge, blowing it up, before heading into the structure.]

O: Now it's not, goodbye.

C & O: [laugh]

C: Yes, I walked off the edge.

O: I actually-

S: Ahh!

[CS: Barricade nearly jumps off the edge.  Immediately afterwards both Barricade and Brawl are teleported into the structure Megatron entered.]

O: -have ammo, so if one of you needs one, you should take one of these? Or leave them and I will-

[CS: Brawl is hit by one shot and goes down.]

C: Wait, what the heck!?!

S: We teleported.

[OS: Megatron is sniping snipers.  How the snipers have become the sniped!]

C: We teleported, then I immediately died.

O: Oh shit, do you need revived?

[OS: Megatron turns around walks over to Brawl and revives him.]

O: Yes, you do.

S: I just don't know where you are.

O: There's snipers, that's why you died.

S: Oh.

C: All right.

O: That's why you keep seeing the lines from them.

[SS: Barricade is shooting Autobots with a sniper rifle but not actually using the scope it is KILLING me inside.]

C: Okay.

O: So yeah, they do more damage then you’re probably used to.

[OS: Megatron is continuing to snipe, until some enemies get right up next to him, and then he swaps to tank mode.]

S: Oh~

C: Oh my gosh.

[CS: Brawl is running around, trying to avoid a shield Autobot and throwing grenades at him.]

S: Oh~

[SS: Barricade slowly looks up… and shoots an Autobot in the crotch from below.]

S: God, I just shot him in the crotch.

O: As you do.

S: [laughs]

[OS: Megatron smashes an Autobot with his mace and joins in on the fight against the shield Autotbot.]

S: Ahhhh!

[SS: Barricade shoots a distant Autobot before hurriedly backing away from the advancing shield Autobot.]

C: Finally!

[CS: The shield Autobot finally blows up.]

O: Yeah, they take for freaking ever.

S: I need to go collect some more ammo, if there is still some available.

[(COM) Soundwave: Megatron, I have downloaded the station’s log.  Transmitting history.]

O: Yup, I left one of them.

[CS: Brawl jumps up some platforms, onto the upper level the room the party is in and grabs some health.

Megatron:  Fascinating!  According to this, a quantity of Dark Energon became unstable… and the resulting explosion destroyed this part of the station.

Brawl: Dark Energon did all of THIS?

Megatron: Those fools had no idea how to control it!  I’ll not make the same mistake!]

S: Megatron…

O: Sureeee, you won’t Megs, sure you won’t.

S: Megatron, you just want to take it.  You want to use the Dark Energon.

C: [laughs]

O: Uh, yes, use .  ��Use’ in a very literal sense here.  Oh my god, why can't I jump?

[SS: Barricade jumps up on a platform, and runs around a pillar, Megatron runs past and is seen running toward the door on the floor above.]

S: How are we- where are we supposed to go?  Uh…?

C: You can-

O: Uh, you need to get up here, and then there's a door.

[SS: Barricade attempts to jump to get to the top level, but instead runs off the platform.]

S: Shit.

O: If you go uh, kind of near the start of the level, you can jump-

[OS: Megatron turns around and peers down the edge of the platform at Barricade getting back on the same platform as before.]

O: Yeah, if you jump up there you should be able to get up here.

[CS: Brawl jumps up with Megatron and the two head towards the room’s exit.]

S: Nyyyah!

C: Eh-

C & O: [laugh]

O: Specs dies, funny noise number 25!

[CS: Brawl turns around and watches Barricade struggling on the platform below.]

S: It's less that, and more frustration that I can't fucking-

O: I mean, if you don't mind teleporting I can probably just go through the door?

C: No, this is funny, let her do-

A: [laugh]

O: Why are you so mean?

C: Alright, you can do it!  You can do it!

[CS: Megatron joins Brawl at the edge of the platform.]

O: Come on.  Come on little car legs, you can do it!

[CS: Barricade jumps and finally makes it to the level Megatron and Brawl are on.]

S: [laughs] Okay.

O & C: Yay!

[SS: The party heads towards the room’s exit.]

O: I love that I’m like, yes, its because you’re short.  Come on.

S: [laughs]

O: There’s health over- er, no, this is a sheild.

[OS: Megatron walks out the door and onto a ledge, he walks over to the the right and spies a chest with a sheild icon on it.  Barricades walks over and stops in front of the chest.]

S:  Ohhh~

O: Uh, basically it's like bonus health, you don't get to keep after you use it, so… One of you guys should probably take it?

C: I'm good, I'm at full health.

[CS: Brawl jumps down from the platform to the ground below.  They have entered another debris field.]

O: I'm at full health too, that's what I'm getting at.

C: I already jumped down so one of you is gonna have to take it.

[OS: Megatron walks over and smashes the chest before jumping off the platform.]

O: All right, I will take the health- or the shield then.

S: Okay.

C: Oh, there are flyers!

O: Oh goody.

S:  Ehhhh, don’t like.

[SS: Barricade walks towards the edge of the platform and looks down.  Several aerialbots begin firing on Megatron and Brawl below, and one targets where Barricade is standing.]

S: Really don't like.

O: Shit, shit, shit.  Oh my god, I hate you all!

S: Oh… shit.

[OS: Megatron attempts to fire on the Aerialbots, missing.  He’s eventually able to take down two of them.]

O: Ugh.

S: Nah!

O: Nyeh?

[CS: Brawl takes down the last remaining Autobot with his shotgun.]

S: [laughs] I'm sorry, that is the noise I’ll make.

O: Uh, honestly I think it's hilarious and nothing to apologize for.

[SS: Barricade attempts to jump to the next debris platform, but misses and falls into the void.]

S: I died!

O: Where are you?

S: I’m dead.

O: OH, you fell off, okay.

[OS: The Mission Failed screen is displayed, Owls selects Restart From Last Checkpoint.]

O: I was like, where are you? Heh, nowhere!  The void of space!

[OS: The party spawns in the room they just left… down on the bottom floor.

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron, I have downloaded the station’s log.  Transmitting history.]

O: Ah-ha, are you gonna have to jump up there again?

S: [laughs]

O: I think you’re gonna have to jump up there again, Specs.

[Megatron:  Fascinating!  According to this, a quantity of Dark Energon became unstable… and the resulting explosion destroyed this part of the station.

OS: Megatron jumps up onto the second level of the room.]

S: [laughs]  I know, I see.  I don’t like it though. [laughs]

[Brawl: Dark Energon did all of THIS?

Megatron: Those fools had no idea how to control it!  I’ll not make the same mistake!]

O: Shall I just go through the door?

[SS: Barricade is jumps up on the second level.]

C: No, I need to get the health over here.  Okay.

[Brawl: Tastes good!]

C: Wait, tastes good?  Was that Brawl?

S: I don't know.

[SS: The party exits the room and out into the debris field.]

O: [snorts]

S: He might be being metaphorical.

C: No, I think he said it when I picked up the Energon.

[OS: Megatron walks over to a Thermo Rocket Launcher (Vehicle Lock-On) on the ground.]

O: Oh, there's a... rocket launcher.  An actual rocket launcher instead of you know, whatever the hell the Fusion Cannon is.  It’s basically-

C: I'm terrible with rocket launchers.

O: I don't need two of them!

[OS: Megatron and Brawl shoot at oncoming Autobots.]

S: Ah.

[CS: The firefight continues.  Brawl jumps around some enemies to get to a box of health while is health is low.]

S: Well, that was effective.

[SS: Barricade shoots the rocket launcher at the enemies.]

O: Oh my god, I'm gonna die.

[OS: Megatron attempts to get behind some cover, but ends up going down.]

S: Where are you?

O: Uh, back to the beginning basically.  I am uh, fainted, so...

[CS: Brawl revives Megatron.]

O: Bless you, thank you.

[CS: Brawl goes down.]

C: I'm dead now.

[CS: Megatron collapses next to Brawl.]

O: We both are.  Save us Specs.

S: Uh...

C: It's your time to shine!

[Megatron:  What are you waiting for!?!  ATTEND ME!

SS: Barricade revives Megatron.]

C: Wow, we made it.

[OS: Megatron revives Brawl.]

S: Maybe?

O: Tch, [deeper voice] Decepticons!  Repair your leader at once!

C: Nice job!

S: The first time I’ve been active-

[OS: Megatron begins getting hit with fire from behind, and whirls around to try and spot the culprit.]

O: Oh?  Ah!  What is hitting me!?!  Where are they coming from?  Oh my god, I hate them all.

[OS: Megatron goes down almost simultaneously with the offending Aerialbot, as his Fusion Cannon shot hits after he’d already fallen.]

O: Okay, I got him, but I died again, help. [laughs]

S: Where…?

[OS: Barricade can be seen a few yards away, his back to Megatron.]

O: I'm behind you, I can see you, Specs.  I’m behind you. [laughs]

[Brawl: I’m gonna have fun with this!]

O: What?

[SS: Barricade revives Megatron.]

O: Thank you!

[OS: Megatron jumps up, running through a sniper rifle on the ground and continuing on to the next platform.]

O: That is a sniper rifle, by the way.  I have one.

C: Yeah, I wasn't uh... wasn't interested in it after I realized.

S: I had it, I think.  Maybe.

C: What’s over here?

[CS: Brawl jumps off the main series of platforms and onto a tilted piece of debris.]

O: Over where?

C: I'm- I’m not in a happy place right now.

S: [laughs] Yes, I can see-

[SS: Barricade is standing WHERE HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE, and Brawl off on the tilted debris.]

O: And that’s how Chezni died, again .

C: I’m very stuck!

S: [laughs] You- you need to jump back over where I am.

C: Uh, alright, here goes nothing!

O: I don’t even see where he is.

[CS: Brawl jumps back on the platform, landing near Megatron.]

O: Oh, okay.

C: That was- that was clearly not the way we need to go.

O: No shit. [laughs] No shit, Sherlock!

[OS: The party continues some light platforming in a shooting game based around giant robots, as you do.]

O: Oh god, now I just want to hear Megatron say, “No shit, Sherlock.” [laughs]

C: Frank Welker.

O: Heh, no shit, Sherlock!

[OS: Megatron jumps onto one of the larger pieces of debris that’s still mostly intact, and gets gunned down by another Aerialbot.]

O: Oh my god, no, dammit!  Help!  I died again.  Cuz, fliers are the worst.

[CS: Brawl runs over to Megatron, before collapsing as well.]

O: I was trying to get the health too!

C: Oh no.

S: Uh.

[Brawl: Fancy shooting, if I do say so myself!

SS: Under fire, Barricade revives Brawl.]

C: Specs, this is the second time she- she saved us.

O: Thank you!  I want that health!

S: May I have the ammo?

O: Uh, yeah go ahead.

[OS: Megatron jumps up some boxes and smashes the health box on top of them and picks up the energon.]

S: Oh.

C: Oh my gosh, I'm down again.

S: Uh…

[OS: Megatron jumps down and begins reviving Brawl.]

O: I got him.

S: Okay.

O: Go get the ammo.

S: I got the ammo, um…

[SS: Barricade shoots at a distant Autobot with the rocket launcher.]

O: Ow!

[OS: Megatron attempts to take aim through the sniper rifle’s scope but is hit by some fire.]

S: Ohhhhhhhh~

C: Man, this game loves to put-

[OS: Megatron gets behind cover and takes out one of the Autobots shooting at the party.]

S: I can- I didn’t real- I forgot I could scroll through weapons.

O: Yeah, that helps with the whole ammo thing.

[CS: Brawl jumps over to where one of the remaining Autobots is and shoots him with the shotgun.]

S: Yes, yes it does.  I don't play games- I don't play games like this very much, I've mentioned.

O: Uh yeah, I just think it's funny cuz I would have been in some serious shit if I hadn't been doing that cuz again, the Fusion Cannon’s only got 20 shots.  It’s why I need two weapons or I’m kinda fucked.

S: [sighs]

[OS: The party continues fighting until the rest of the Autobots are offlined.]

O: Okay, beaten- er, battered- broke- battered and broken, but we are here.

C: That's pretty accurate, I feel battered and broken right now.

[SS: The party continues onwards.]

O: Oh my god, stupid fucking flyers!

[SS: A little ways ahead, some Aerialbots are shooting at Megatron.]

O: I hate them. [laughs]

[OS: The two Autobots are dispatched.]

C: Yeah, they're pretty rough.

S: [screams]

C: Uh-oh.

O: Are we gonna have to restart again?

[OS: Megatron turns around to find Barricade just sitting in the middle of the platform in car mode.]

S: No, I was just afraid I went off- I was afraid I went off-

O: [laughs] I- I just love that I hear a scream, turn around, and there’s a tiny purple car.

S: [laughs]

O: It’s- it’s wonderful.  I just want you to know that, it was wonderful.

C:  Pretty stinkin’ funny.

O: It was just like, “Ahhh!  I turned into a car!”  Uh, I’m at two bars, how’s your guys’ health feeling?

[CS: Brawl follows Megatron up to another structure, but then looks off to the right and gets a terrible, awful idea.]

C: One bar.

S: One.

O: Okay, grab that.

[CS: Brawl jumps, off the main platforms, attempting to land on some floating debris, but instead dies as soon as he touches it.]

C: Oh... apparently you're not supposed to go over there.

S: [laughs]

O: [sighs]  Why- why do you guys want to hurt me, that’s the-

[OS: The Mission Failed screen appears, Owls selects Restart From Last Checkpoint.]

C: I just want to explore.

O: NO!  No! Not in this game you don’t!

C: Ohhh, no!

[OS: The party spawns in exactly where they have the last two times.

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron, I have downloaded the station’s log.  Transmitting history.

O: You have got to stop dying!

[Megatron:  Fascinating!  According to this, a quantity of Dark Energon became unstable… and the resulting explosion destroyed this part of the station.]

C: Alright, alright, no more exploring.

O: No more exploring and falling off!

C: Ugh…

O: I blame you!

C: Yeah…

[OS: Megatron walks out of the room, and grabs the sheild from the ledge.

Brawl: Dark Energon did all of THIS?

Megatron: Those fools had no idea how to control it!  I’ll not make the same mistake!]

S: Baah… I hate... that we’re going over this, again.

C: Yeah, it's bad enough that it's horrible, but it's like, the third time we have to do it.

[SS: Barricade and Brawl make their way out of the room.  Barricades stops and investigates from the ledge before jumping down to the ground below.]

O: Yep, now it's my turn to fall off, don'tcha know?

C: [laughs]

S: Emm…

[SS: Autobots attack, the party returns fire.]

O: That's fine, I can just miss with every damn shot.

S: Ahh!

[OS: Megatron shoots down a distant Autobot.]

S: Wah!

O: The noises you're making, are you aware you’re making them? [laughs]

S: [laughs] Yes!  I know I make them.  I didn't say they were smart!

O & S: [laughs]

[OS: The fighting continues.  An Aerialbot flies over Megatron and Barricade dropping bombs on them.]

O: Oh bugger.

S: Errm…

[OS: Megatron takes out the Autobot that had previously attacked.]

O: Goodbye!

C: Oh my goodness uh, I'm down.

S: I don't know where you are.

O: I do.

[OS: Megatron begins running towards Brawl.]

S: Oh, okay, you're behind me.

O: [If] you can shoot the flyer that's shooting me though, that would be great.

[CS: Brawl takes out the shooting Autobot and Megatron revives him.]

S: Uhh…

O: Or did Che- or did Chezni get them?

S: Someone got it, that was not me, so…

O: Must’ve-

C: I- I shot it while I was down.  I got a lucky shot.

[CS: The party continues forward, Brawl grabs some health from a nearby box.]

S: I don't remember where we're supposed to go.

O: No, we're supposed to go over there, it's just I heard them talking and was trying to get’em to come out so I could shoot them from further away.

[SS: Megatron is looking off in front of the party, backing up before jumping over the gap.]

S:  Wah!

[OS: Megatron lands on the mostly intact structure, getting fired at by Autobots.]

O: Oh my god, you are all the worst!

[SS: Barricade shoots down an Aerialbot.

Barricade: Should’ve stayed out of my sight!]

S: Woh..

[OS: Megatron takes out an Autobot with his Fusion Cannon.

Autobot: Noooo!]

O: [imitating Autobot] Nooooo!

S: Nyah… [laughs]

O: Okay, I actually am at full health, do you guys need any health?  There is-

C: I'm at three.

S: I'm at one bar, I am not sure where the health is?

[SS: Barricade looks around, Megatron runs by and jumps up on some boxes where a health box has been placed.]

O: It's right up here.

S: Oh!

O: On the-

S: The- the- okay.

O: The crate.

[SS: Barricade smashes the crate, healing back to full health.]

S: Okie dokie, thank you.

[OS: After taking out the Autobot directly ahead, Megatron uses his hover ability.]

O: [quietly] Shit.

[OS: Megatron takes aim at an Autobot, but Brawl comes into frame, his entire upper half spinning in circles while holding his weapon, and takes out the Autobot instead.]

O: Pfft- I love the twirly thing, it's hilarious.

C: [laughs]

S: Ahh...

C: I thought, why not?

S: Bahh…

[OS: The party defeats the rest of the Autobots and begins moving forward again.]

S: Woo!

O: Alright, so what are we not going to do?

[OS: Brawl reaches about the point where he died last time, and takes a sudden right.]

C: Oh, there's a thing over there!

O: I will hurt you.

C & S: [laugh]

[OS: Brawl stops and waits for Megatron to pass him.]

O: You're in the other room, I actually can physically hurt you.

C: Heh, heh.

O: This has to be a checkpoint, right- right?  So we can stop doing that damn part! [laughs]

C: You would assume.

[SS: Megatron reaches the door, and Barricade is teleported into the room as he enters it.]

C: I’m at two health, there's a health- oh just kidding.

O: Oh shit, I’m sorry!

C: Nah, it’s alright.

O: There’s a weapon over here.

[CS: Megatron smashes the weapon chest.]

C: I’m out of uh, almost all my bullets.

O: It's another sniper rifle.

C: Well, when in Rome.

[CS: Brawl picks up the sniper rifle, following after the rest of the group.

Brawl: This matches my treads!]

O: [snorts] You uh, havin’ fun back there? [laughs]

C: Don't make fun of my treads.

O: Brawl- is that one Brawl?  That one’s Brawl, right?

C: Yeah.

S: Yes, I'm Barricade, I'm the car.

[OS: Megatron looks down from a ledge, blue electricity is sparking below.]

O: Gotcha, okay.

[Note: I can confidently say that after watching this a zillion times and typing up the transcript, I will never get Brawl and Barricade mixed up ever again.]

S: Are we supposed to shoot something?

O: Um, we- possibly.

[OS: Megatron attempts to jump over the gap, but falls down.  The electricity does no apparent damage.]

O: Oh yes, maybe?

[SS: Brawl jumps down after Megatron.]

C: No, apparently we just drop down.

O: Oh... then we’re fine, okay.

[SS: Barricade jumps down and party continues down a mostly intact hallway.  Megatron grabs some ammo from a box and shoots an Aerialbot hovering outside a ruined section of the hallway.]

C: Uh, I’m at two health, I'm just gonna grab this.  Oh, tha’s a sheild nevermind.

O: I still have- I still have a shield, you should take it, it heals you.

S: Ohh- ohh~

[SS: Barricade spots a computer console.]

C: I already did.

S: There’s a thing to interact with, want me to interact with it?

O: Yep, go ahead and press- press the button Specs!

S: It opened a-

O: Pull the lever, Kronk!

[OS: The door opens to reveal a wide open area, one half of which is open to space.]

O: Okay, this looks like a bossy fight typey room, right?

S: Yeah…

O: Come on, where are ya fuckers gonna come from?

[CS: The floor below the party beings to crack and slide to the left.]

C: Woah!

O: Okay, running!

[SS: The party runs across the breaking floor.

Barricade: The floor is splitting apart!

Megatron: Quickly--jump to the other side!]

O: Oh shit.

S: [high pitched trill of distress]

C & S: [laugh]

C: Jumping to the other side, accompanied by opera singing.

O: [singing] Wah!

S: [laughs]

[SS: Everyone makes it to the solid ground on the other side.  Brawl and Barricade enter a small closed off area.]

O: Who knew that uh, Barricade had such a pretty voice?

[CS: Megatron hops by and Brawl follows him into a room.]

S: [starts laughing really hard]

C: [laughs]

O: [laughs] Oh god, I killed her!

S: [continues to laugh]

[CS: Brawl turns around, and on the HUD, it is obvious that Barricade is still in the little room they entered.]

O: Uh honey, there’s a shot gun if you want to get rid of that Sniper Rifle.

C: Uh, I don't really care, but I will swap just because it fills up my ammo.

[SS: Specs is standing off by herself.]

C: Where… uh, Specs is stranded by the way.

O: Uh... you need to come around over here, and then up here, and then through the door and you’re good.

[SS: Barricade turns a corner and sees Megatron and Brawl on top of a fallen column.  He then follows Megatron into the door.]

S: Okay.

O: Actually, wait- no the rocket launcher is fine cuz it lat- it uh, it locks-on to people.

[OS: Megatron turns around and walks over to the rocket launcher.]

C: I-

O: When I’m not playing as Megatron I really like it.

C: I couldn't figure out how to get it to lock-on.

[In-game cinematic: The party walks into a room where a large reactor of some sort is visible behind glass directly in front of them.  Starscream flies up and around it in vehicle mode, before stopping in front of the party and transforming into robot mode.

Starscream: Impossible!  No one has ever survived to reach this place!

Megatron: You shall soon learn, Starscream… *I* decide what is possible and what isn’t!]

O: Like being made of lava, or something for some reason.

[Starscream: Guards!  Hold him off while I destroy the last of the Dark Energon remnants!]

O: I'm sorry, the fact that his mouth is red confuses me. [laughs]

[OS: Starscream turns to a console on the reactor and begins using it.  The camera pans and below him we see a dozen or so Autobots exit through a door on the lower level of the room.]

S: His mouth and his eyes are lit by the same substance.

O: Yeah, and I’m like, should that be connected?  I don’t think it should. [laughs] Just a thought.

C: [laughs]  It’s like, does it hurt?

O: Does it hurt to be like, internal lava?

[OS: Megatron runs forward into a newly opened door.  Standing on the ledge they entered on he takes aim at some sentry guns in the distance.]

S: Where are you guys?  Oh, there you are.

C: We’re over here.

S: Whoo.  Eww..

C: Eh, here goes nothing.

[CS: Brawl jumps down, and runs up to one of the remaining sentries, taking it out with his shoot gun at point blank range.]

S: Ahhhhhhhh!

O: [laughs]

S: I don't like falling!

O: You're a giant robot, you're indestructible, you're fine!

S: I mean personally!

O & S: [laugh]

[CS: Brawl continues to run ahead, attacking any other Autobots in the vicinity.

Starscream: STOP HIM!  I need more time to initiate the sequence!

Megatron: We cannot let Starscream succeed!  Do you hear me?  I WON’T ALLOW IT!]

C: That's fair, it'd be like if I saw a spider... in the game.  There's no- there's there Cybertronian spiders, right?

[OS: Megatron is further back, shooting things with the scope, while Brawl and Barricade continue to engage Autobots at a closer range.]

S: We-

O: Uh, you saw them, dear!  Remember, they were in the-

C: No, like actual spiders.

S: Uh-

O: What about the things on that map- the Autobot map?  Do you not count those?

[Note: We usually play a few rounds of escalation as part of our mic check when we’re recording these episodes, one of the levels has a bunch of little spidery things running around.]

C: No, those were just little- little critters.

O: They were definitely supposed to be spiders.

C: I mean like, full-on spiders.

[OS: The party continues to more forward, taking out enemies with little trouble.]

S: Aww, I'm out of ammo.

[SS: Barricade swaps between his two guns and has little to no remaining ammo.]

C: If I see any I'll let you know.

S: Thank you, I guess I'm going to have to, um…

O: Are you out in vehicle mode too?

S: Oh no, you're right!  I forgot about vehicle mode.

[SS: Barricade transforms into vehicle mode.]

O: Oh, there's ammo over here.

S: Okie-dokie.

O: And health, so if you guys need health.

S: I'm good on health, actually but-

[SS: Barricade continues through a door while in vehicle mode, running into an Autobot before quickly reversing and shooting at them.]

S: WAHHH!  Let me kill you!

C & O: [laugh]

O: [fighting back laughter] So- so polite! [laughs]

S: I’m sor-

O: “WAHHH!  Let me kill you!”

O & S: [laugh]

S: I'm sorry, my base personality doesn't change.

[SS: The party has reached the bottom of the room with the reactor in it.  There are a bunch of Autobots, including two very large one carrying turret guns and firing on them.]

C: What is that big thing, and why won't it die?

[OS: Megatron shoots repeatedly at one of the large Autobots with the sniper rifle, eventually dropping it.]

C: My goodness!

O: You’re welcome. [laughs]

S: Though I do need some ammo.

C: There’s some over here.

O: Ah, shit.

[OS: Megatron attempts the same thing on the second large Autobot as the first, but runs out of sniper ammo and must swap to his Fusion Cannon.]

O: Gah, die!

[OS: Megatron runs up to the Autobot, while still firing, and throws a grenade, while moving backwards to get to cover, Megatron goes down.]

O: Oh god I died, sorry help!

[CS: Brawl revives Megatron.]

S: Ohh!~

[CS: Brawl runs over to the remaining large Autobot and uses his whirling ability, hitting the Autobot repeatedly and defeating it.

Starscream: You’re too late!  I have initiated the destruction sequence!]

S: Oh.

C: What a jerk!

O: Oh shit.

S: Bahhhh!

[SS: In vehicle mode Barricade moves forward, shooting at a bunch of Autobots who have spawned in, but dies.]

O: Oh my god, I'm gonna die again.

O: Ugh, I'm dead, help!

S: So am I- same, sorry!

C: Oh, okay.

[CS: Brawl revives Barricade.]

C: This could be better.

S: Okay.

[CS: Brawl goes down while heading towards where Megatron’s down.]

C: Nuts!  I'm down er, rescue Specs first.

O: Yeah, uh, we're getting very, very low.

S: Ah, hold E!

[SS: Barricade begins to revive Brawl.]

O: Yeah…

S: Shit!

O: Yep, sorry!

[OS: The Mission Failed screen appears.  Owls selects Restart from Last Checkpoint.]

C: Oh!

S: Sorry!

C: No, you're fine I thought, um... I thought Owls was up.

[OS: The party spawns in the room with the reactor, getting attacked by the first wave of Autobots.]

O: No.

C: I didn’t realize it was Specs.

O: Oh god…

S: I’m sorry.

O: WHY!?!  Ugh!  Sorry.

[OS: Megatron is being attacked by one of the large Autobots nearby, he runs forward but is taken down.]

S: Oh, are you down?

O: Yes, sorry!

S: Shit- shoot where are you?  Oh-

O: I don’t know!

[OS: Megatron is revived by Brawl.  Megatron runs into the hallway he’d been using as cover previously and grabs ammo from a nearby chest.]

S: Shit.  Sorry, I am sitting in a darkened room and the only light is my computer monitor.

[CS: Barricade is down, Brawl transforms and moves towards him, shooting at one of the large Autobots as he does so.]

C: Sounds like a good life.

S: I’m also down.

C: Oh my gosh, I can't- ugh.

[CS: Brawl goes down beside Barricade.]

O: I can- I'm trying to shoot him if you can get her.

C: No, I- I fell down.

O: Oh, crap.

[OS: Megatron transforms into tank mode and moves towards were Brawl and Barricade have fallen.]

S: Oh.

O: Pfft, okay!

[OS: Megatron goes down, and the Mission Failed screen appears.  Owls selects Restart from Last Checkpoint.]

S: Oh well, at least we- at least we were at the last checkpoint.

O: Yeah, just I need to move immediately, because I'm getting shot when I spawn in, which sucks.

[OS: The party spawns in the room with the reactor, getting attacked by the first wave of Autobots.  Megatron retreats to the hallway as before, but Brawl picks up the ammo instead.]

S: Same!  I’m dead.

[CS: Brawl revives Barricade.]

O: Ugh, come on!

[OS: Megatron fires on a large Autobot, missing several times.]

C: Shoot-

[OS: Megatron transforms into tank mode and fires on the large Autobot, but falls down.]

O: Now I’m down. [sighs] Help us, Specs!

[CS: Brawl is running towards Megatron, but dies at almost the same time as him.]

C: We died in sync.

O: I'm out of ammo.  Wait, maybe I can-

[SS: Barricade revives Megatron.]

O: Thank you!

[SS: Barricade goes down.]

S: And I'm out, sorry I-

O: I'm completely out of ammo.

S: No, I mean I- I'm dead.

[OS: The Mission Failed screen appears.  Owls selects Restart from Last Checkpoint.]

O: Oh my god, that sucked.  Chezni, the am- the ammo you took?  I need that.

C: All right, I’ll leave th-

O: Like, really badly, I have no ammo.

[OS: Megatron falls back to the hallway and grabs the ammo.]

O: Thank you!

[SS: Barricade is downed by one of the large Autobots.]

S: Oh, well, shit.  I'm dead, I wonder if- no, self-destructing it's just pointless at this point.

O: Uhh... honey, can you get her?

C: No, I'm down.

O: Oh.

S: I’m dead.

[CS: The Mission Failed screen appears.]

C: I kind of felt like we just died there.

[CS: The party spawns in the room with the reactor, getting attacked by the first wave of Autobots.  Brawl falls back and enters one of the rooms the party ran through earlier.  He sees a health box.]

C: Alright, I'm gonna hang back and uh, I’m gonna go- oh, there's a bunch of health back here!

O: Well, that's good to know.

[SS: Barricade is downed by one of the large Autobots.]

S: I'm dead.

O: [sighs] Iyaiyai, this level sucks.

[OS: Megatron runs closer to the large Autobots and begins firing on them with the Fusion Cannon.]

C: We can do it.  The real problem is when one of us goes down- like, I can't- I can't stand still long enough to heal- to pick you up, cuz those guys are just gonna shoot us.

[CS: Brawl revives Barricade.]

O: Oh my god!  I died again!  And I can’t see them to actually help.

[CS: Brawl jumps over the large Autobots, heading toward where Megatron has fallen, but is taken out by the Autobots.]

O: Oh my god.

[CS: Barricade runs up to Brawl but also goes down.]

S: Well, shit.

O: Pfft, ugh!

C: Alright, so hold up.  When we start, everybody fall back.

[OS: The Mission Failed screen appears.]

O: Yeah.

C: Just fall back, don't- don't keep going.

O: Okay.

[OS: Owls selects Restart from Last Checkpoint.]

S: Okay.

C: There's uh, two packs of health in the hallway.

[Megatron: Decepticons!  Repair your leader at once!

OS: The party spawns in the room with the reactor, getting attacked by the first wave of Autobots.  Megatron retreats to the hallway and grabs the ammo before heading towards the room Brawl had found earlier.]

C: So, over here.

O: Specs, over here.

S: I'm following.

O: You guys should take that.

C: I- I'm already at three.

[SS: Barricade picks up health.]

O: Okay… . uh, grenades are great, grenades are great.

[SS: The two large Autobots are slowly moving towards the party, Barricade transforms into car mode briefly before turning back.]

S: Uh, shit.  I don’t wanna be a car right now!

[CS: Brawl transforms into a tank and begins firing on the large Autobots.]

C: Oh wait, I'm a tank, right!  Hold on, I totally forgot I'm a tank.

[OS: Megatron also transforms into a tank, and is able to take out one of the large Autobots with a few shots.]

C: Nice!

[Starscream: You’re too late!  I have initiated the destruction sequence!

OS: The party heads back towards the man room, and comes under fire from the second wave of Autobots.]

S: Ah, fuck you Starscream.

[SS: Fires on the Autobots, taking several hits in the process.]

S: Oh…

O: Crap.

[OS: Megatron takes out several Autobots with his Fusion Cannon.]

C: Is everyone up?

[CS: Brawl continues fighting with the remaining Autobots.]

O: Yep, I'm gonna grab the ammo over here though, if it's still here.

[SS: Barricade picks up one of the turret guns dropped by the large Autobots and begins shooting at Autobots.]

S: What do I do with-

[OS: The remaining Autobots are destroyed.

Megatron: Quick!  Blast the containment field!]

C: I think the shotgun might be the worst gun ever invented.

S: Ohhhh!~

[SS: Barricade looks up and sees a red reticule on the Dark Energon containment unit in front of him.]

C: Did we- did we do it?

O: I don’t know-

S: I shot a thing!

C & O: [laughs]

O: Good job, Specs, you shot a thing!

[In-game cinematic: Megatron walks forward towards the Dark Energon, and Starscream transforms and lands nearby.

Starscream:  You arrogant FOOL!  No one has ever survived direct contact!]

C & S: [laugh]

S: Apparently, it was the containment unit for the Dark Energon.

O: And Megatron's just like, “Yum!  Crack!”

[Megatron steps into the Dark Energon, getting tossed around a lot, while absorbing its power.]

C: That looks healthy.

O: Definitely!

[Starscream begins backing away from Megatron in fear.

Starscream: What?  This isn’t possible!  No!  No one can control Dark Energon!  It dominates and destroys everything it touches!

Megatron:  Hahahaha I am… the dominator.  I... am the destroyer!]

O: Again, if he’s absorbing Dark Energron then Prime makes zero sense if this happens beforehand, but what do I know?  I’m just- just me.

[Megatron: I am MEGATRON!  Decepticons, receive your birthright!

Starscream transforms and flies off.  Megatron zaps Brawl and Barricade with Dark Energon powers.]

O: [laughs] Is it bad all you can think right now, is that Starscream is like, “I'm scared and aroused?”

[Brawl: I feel the power!

Barricade: Its amazing!

Megatron: Now--I shall deal with Starscream!]

O: As he- as he flees, obviously that’s what’s happening.

[New Objective: Destroy the Dark Energon Containment.]

C: Oops.

O: Oh right, I have to do that.

[OS: Megatron heads towards the room’s exit, stopping in front of a transparent barrier and using Dark Energon powers to break it and destroy most of the Autobots behind it as Dark Energon crystals erupt from the ground.]

S: Oh... okay.

[OS: Megatron smashes an injuried Autobot with his mace, and continues on to another door, using Dark Energon to blast through it.]

O: Sorry, um, Megatron's just gotten the abilities of robot-

[A cinematic plays, making the volume jump up for the players.]

O: [somewhat muted] Woah!

[Megatron, Brawl and Barricade blast through a door, walking into a room with Starscream and Jetfire

Megatron: Dark Energon is MINE to command!  Through my will ALONE shall Cybertron be restored!

Jetfire: It’s too unstable, Megatron!  Using that power… you’re endangering our entire world!

Starscream: Teach me, Megatron.

Starscream pushes past Jetfire, walking towards the group.

Starscream: Teach me to wield Dark Energon, the way you do!  And I will serve you.]

S: Well, that is an about-face Starscream!

O: I told you, he was scared and aroused! [laughs]

[Megatron: And what could you possible offer me--that I cannot simply take?

Starscream: The supply of Dark Energon aboard this station is nearly exhausted.  I know how to manufacture more.  There was once an Energon Bridge that fed this station directly.  I know how to reconnect it.

Jetfire:  TRAITOR!  Zeta Prime will hear about this!

Jetfire transforms and flies out of the space station.  Thundercracker and Skywarp attempt to fire on him, but they miss and he escapes.

Starscream: Shall I send Thundercracker and Skywarp to retrieve him… Lord Megatron?]

O: Who are here for some reason, now.

[Megatron: No.  I want the Autobots’ leader to know his doom approaches.  Once we have this station online, nothing can stop me!  Now go.  Find this Energon bridge and reactivate it… for your new master.

Starscream, Thundercracker, and Skywarp all transform and fly off, heading towards Cybertron.  We cut to a glowing purple Decepticon badge on Starscream’s wing, and the chapter ends.]

S: Is this the end of the first chapter?

O: I believe so, cuz they think maybe the next chapter is playing as the Seekers.  Anyway, uh, this has been Afterspark Podcast doing a Let's Play.  I'm Owls!

S: I'm Specs.

[silence]

O: Uh...

C: Oh, I'm Chezni.

A: [laugh]

O: See ya next time-

C: Who am I?

O: Who am I?  Who are you?  Have a good day folks, bye!

C: Bye.

S: Bye.

[Outro Music]