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homeofatlas · 1 year ago

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Wasted Days

Summary: Being in the public eye isn’t easy. Especially when you’re in love with your best friend.

Authors note: Y'all.......I'm sorry this has been sitting half finished forever and i just needed to get it done and out there. Not edited. Also yes this is lowkey based on that line from call me by your name. but not really but inspired from it.

Word Count: 3.2k

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Being somewhat famous isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You loved the fans' sweet messages, the way they encouraged you and supported you when you had bad games, and how much dedication went into the edits and the fanpages. You’d even be lying if you said you hadn’t looked up your own name on tumblr to see if their was any fanfic of you. It flattered you, all these people you didn’t know idolising you and watching your interviews. What you didn’t appreciate was how they began to read into your relationship with your best friend. Could you call it reading into when they were just calling it like they saw it? It’s hardly their fault whenever you and elisa posted pictures of your excursions or you had interviews together you were staring at her like she’s hung the moon and the stars. It seemed quite rude of them to have to point that out though, in your opinion.

The recent influx of comments asking whether or not you two were dating made your heart beat faster in your chest. Surely there must be something there that other people can see and you aren’t just making it all up in your head, right? If not then it’s blatantly obvious for the entire internet to see how in love you are with your best friend, Elisa. You honestly can’t help the way you allegedly look at her. You’ve tried to rein it in, you’ve tried to like other people, you’ve tried to not tell anyone and make it go away. But apparently no matter where you go as soon as anyone sees you interact with her it’s like you’ve got I’m in love with her tattooed on your forehead.

During your professional football career you’d been at Montpellier with Elisa for a year before she’d left to join PSG. Giving you just enough time to learn everything about the girl and fall in love with her, convince yourself she might feel the same way, and then be heartbroken about her transfer. You’d kept in contact and tried to see her as regularly as possible but with training and games and travelling it’d been difficult until one day when you got the call from your agent telling you PSG wanted to sign you. Immediately you’d said yes in every way but in formal writing.

Upon your first connection with the PSG team they’d noticed something was different about you. The way your hug reuniting with Elisa lasted longer than it potentially should have. The way she was more distracted with you around. The way she stuck to you like glue and smiled more than she had before. You’d gotten into the habit of constantly being around each other again. When you two played together there was no stopping you. You could read what the other was thinking before they did it. It was like watching one person be split into two bodies. Unfortunately none of these things made your crush on her go away or dull even a little. That old saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? They had a point.

In your time away from Elisa you’d forgotten the way her eyes crinkle when she smiled and the sound of her voice without the glitchiness of the phone. Constantly being around her again made everything better and worse at the same time. You were so screwed it wasn’t even funny. Which is why it took less than three weeks for the girls to corner you and ask about your relationship with Elisa. They’d assumed something had happened in the past or you were currently together. Either way that had been your first inkling you weren’t hiding your feelings as well as you tried to. Realistically there was only so much you could do before you started to avoid the girl or be constantly dead faced. You couldn’t help smiling at her the way you did or being the one she ran to when she scored a goal. If you’re being honest, it’s her fault for being so loveable. What were you supposed to do?

Pulling into the PSG parking lot you ready yourself for the teasing you know you’ll face. Elisa posted a photo last night which showcased you two looking awfully close together while on a night out with the team. You’d already skimmed the comments and they were the same on every post which had the two of you together.

“Are Elisa and Y/N together?”

“They are such a cute couple!”

“My OTP”

Yeah, you thought bitterly, mine too. Scanning the parking lot to see which of the girls were already getting ready your eyes landed on Elisas car. Knowing she’s already there puts a pep in your step. Walking towards the change rooms weaving into corridors and making turns you come up on the hallway before the change room. You can hear voices inside speaking with one of the voices distinctly agitated. As you move to enter you hear your name. It’s Jackie and Elisa speaking about you. Deciding to wait for a moment, you want to hear what they’re talking about. You hear Elisas voice cut through the tense silence.

“Drop it Jackie, we’re just friends. I don’t have feelings for her and I never have. Plus if anything was going to happen don’t you think it would have by now? We’ve been friends for years.”

You can practically see the face Elisas disbelieving face as someone once again questions the nature of your relationship. Are you really so bad she can’t even see how someone else could see the two of you together? Your stomach turns at the thought. It never gets easier to see her with other people, or hear her refer to your love as being strictly platonic. It never feels strictly platonic whenever you shiver and she immediately throws an arm around you pulling you into her side. Or when she grabs you to tell you something when she could have called your name to grab your attention. Or when she cracks a joke and she looks at you first to see if you’re smiling. Those moments rarely feel entirely platonic.

The words straight from her mouth saying she hasn’t got feelings for you makes you want to turn around and call in sick for training but you have to get over this at some point. You have to learn your place in Elisas life, her longtime friend, perhaps even her best friend. Not her lover. The realisation never hurts less despite the dozens of times you’ve come to it.

You give it a couple more minutes letting the conversation truly die out before walking in as though you hadn’t heard a thing. As you walk in you notice the way Jackie glances between you two. You’re sure your melancholy is written on your face, everything always is. You avert your gaze before she can decipher why. Thankfully she’s quiet while you change silently you really can't handle any teasing right now. Small bits of you break off every time you have to tell someone you and Elisa are just friends. Going up to the pitch and beginning to warm up Elisas words are still ringing in your head. Day 1067 (roughly) wasted thinking of a girl who doesn’t want you back. Story of my life, you think to yourself.

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A team dinner is the last place you want to be tonight. It’s good for bonding but you’re attached to Elisas side the whole time anyways. You aren’t sure you can get anymore bonded to her. You wonder how much of it is you sticking close to her and how much of it is her keeping you close. You wonder how far you’d get before she pulled you back into her orbit. Not very far, you reckon.

Sakina slides into the seat opposite of you. You’d say her grin is wolfish but her features are too soft for the term.

“So you two looked pretty comfy on instagram the last couple of posts. Anything you’d like to share with the team?”

Your eyes flicker to Elisa beside you only to find her making eye contact with Jackie a couple people down. Whatever telepathic conversation they’re having right now makes your chest burn. You’re supposed to be the only one who knows her that well. Your mouth is filled with a bitter taste and something clenches and flexes in your chest. You look down trying to contain yourself before replying to Sakinas comment.

“We hang out a lot, sue us.”

You can feel Elisa nod more than you see it.

“Plus Y/ns a good photo taker I’ve got to put her skills to use when I have them!” She says jokingly. She leans forward in her chair propping one elbow up on the table the other coming up to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. You glance to the side meeting her eyes and smile. Yes keep your focus on me, the beast in your chest sighs and relaxes.

“Yeah but she’s been here for a while now. You’d think you guys would be sick of each other. I mean you’ve been friends for so long. What else do you even have to talk about?”

You have a feeling it's time for Sakina to start drinking water. Luckily Elisa saves you from having to answer again.

“Anything, everything, whatever we feel like mostly. Sometimes we talk about nothing at all and it’s the best conversation I'll have all day.”

See? It’s stuff like that which makes you wanna scream and shout and call bullshit on being platonic.

It's like watching everything you've ever worked for go down the drain as Sakinas eyes light up. Something in her brain seems to scream BINGO!

“So have you guys ever….you know?” She looks between you two, clearly hinting at something. “Clearly you’re great together and have been in the same places at the same times coincidentally.”

Yeah coincidentally, you think.

Elisa leans back in her chair seemingly nonchalantly, “I mean I liked her when we were younger but it was never the right time.” She shrugs as if she hasn’t just blown up the ground you’re standing on.

“I mean we were young and starting out in our careers, we didn’t know where we’d go. There was no point in saying anything at that point.” You try to recover. Jumping in so it seems like you’re also unbothered and knew this information. You might pass out. It feels like the lights got brighter than they were a minute ago.

Sakina puts down her drink and seems to take a pause before replying. She goes unnaturally still for a moment before she relaxes and looks between you two with a confidence you see projected towards crowds but rarely in spaces with her friends. You’re starting to think she’a lot more sober than she’s let on and this a massive ploy or some sick fucking prank you’re the victim of.

“So why aren’t you now?”

Oh, Fuck.

Damage control.

Act like this is the first time you’ve thought of this.

You see Elisas eyes darken and an intense look in her eye directed at Sakina which the girl seems to pointedly ignore instead putting on a vague attitude of indifference which seems to suggest she’s just come to an observation, not blown up your carefully constructed weird homoerotic friendship.

“We could never jeopardise our friendship.” Elisa answers lamely.

You feel nauseous. Someone might need to call an ambulance because you aren’t sure if your heart has beat at all in the past five minutes. You’ve got to get out of here, you need to be alone. Just as that crosses your mind, a warm palm goes to rubbing circles on your lower back. You know she’s trying to soothe you but right now she’s a match stick and you're an old crumpled newspaper. Glancing back you give Elisa a tight smile before excusing yourself to go to the bathroom, instead you walk out the front door and go home.

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You aren’t expecting to hear from her. She’s made it abundantly clear in the last 12 hours she values your relationship but strictly as friends and used to like you but doesn’t anymore? You sigh, needing a minute to shut your brain off.

So when there’s a knock at the door you’re confused about who's at your door on a thursday night at almost 11 pm, you know it’s the one person who would’ve noticed you slip away.

She’s the last person you want to see and the first one you want to go to about all of this. Being in love with your best friend is too frustrating, you think as you unlock the door.

“You left.” She’s pouting in your hallway.

“I’ve filled my quota of hearing why I’m not relationship material to you today. Thanks, come back tomorrow.” Crap. You’re tired and you just want to go to bed, it slipped out.

“So this is about dinner?”

You’ve had enough.

At 11:08 pm on day 1067 (roughly) of being in love with Elisa you’ve decided you’ve had enough.

“It’s about us. I’ve loved you for a quarter of forever and I've spent all day listening to the ways you don’t like me in front of our teammates so excuse me if i had enough and came home.”

“Can I come in? This feels like an inside conversation, not a hallway conversation.”

You hate how she’s right and how she places her jacket on the hook that’s unofficially hers. When you turn and she’s made your home hers. She does that a lot, gets into your stuff and makes it her own. Your heart was the first thing she ever did too.

The moment you make eye contact with her again, it comes spilling out.

“I’ve loved you since forever. Honestly I can't pinpoint a specific moment in time where I knew I was in love. But when I listen to music there’s montages of your smile running through my head and your spirit feels like everything good in the world. Violins and guitars remind me of you. You’re music. You’re art. I love you, I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I didn’t.” Everythings comes out of Elisa at rapid fire. You’re left blinking at her tiredly.

Word’s have done enough today. You’re too tired to talk. You walk over to her and tangle her hands with yours. Her fingers run along the sides of yours and you’ve never felt simultaneously at home and like you're on a rollercoaster. You love that feeling best when you’re with Elisa, she makes everything down to going on a walk feel like an adventure but also like you’re coming home and taking off your shoes and falling into bed when you’re tired. Safe, you realise, she makes you feel safe. No one ever felt this much like home before. In fact, you think if there is a home where all the atoms in the universe started your’s would be next to hers.

She pulls you closer to her body and before you can register it you feel a soft kiss, tentative kiss on your lips. It feels so right. You’ve always felt like your bodies were made to fit together and now you have confirmation.

“Sorry, I had to do that, I couldn't wait any longer.”

You hum at the sentiment.

She pulls away before bumping your foreheads together and letting it rest there. You love how Elisa knows you. Kissing is great but you know there’s more way to be intimate in a moment without you being attached to each other. Sitting here in this silence with her is filling your lungs with life again. You hadn’t noticed how little air you’d been breathing before, now every breath is a big heave and you’re trying to fill all your senses with her. You can see her, you can hear her breaths, you can feel her warmth against you, you can smell her, you can taste the chapstick she keeps in her car. This is where you’re supposed to be, you’ve never been more sure of anything.

Her hand comes up to cup the side of your face. Speaking quietly she utters,

“We wasted so many days.”

She sounds like she's laughing at the irony of it all. You know her well enough to detect the hint of bitterness in her voice. You think back to all the days you spent throwing her longing looks, waiting until she looked away or turned to look back at her. Everytime she smiled or laughed or frowned and they all went into a file to document exactly what she looked like. When you were younger and she would run up to hug you after a goal or the late night phone calls or the times where the moment hung just long enough for you to consider saying something. A light on the dark sea looking for a boat to say I see you, come home to me, I'll keep you safe. You wouldn’t trade any of those moments for the world.

“No, my love,” you whisper back bringing your own hand up to clutch hers, “I haven’t wasted a single day loving you. You make me feel like I’m somebody when I'm next to you. I don’t care about how many goals or assists I have, none of that matters. I don’t need to be somebody to anyone, I want to be someone to you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

You love her so much it’s utterly overwhelming, you can feel your throat beginning to close up. Sometimes it’s hard for you to tell her you love her because she means so much to you. Words could never portray how essential she is to your being. All you can do is hold her and try to give her the same sense of safety and wonder she gives you. Your hands tightly grip hers. You can feel her lips ghosting over the skin of your face. Her warm and heavy presence reminds you that this moment isn’t a dream.

You feel her press small kisses from your temple to your hairline, her hand moving to cradle the back of your head. Eventually she trails her kisses along your nose before hovering over your mouth where you meet her to connect your lips again. This kiss isn’t as soft as the last. This is the kiss which tells you she’s waited long enough to have you, she isn’t going to waste another moment. Your arms creep up to wind around her neck pulling her closer to you. A deep inhale from your nose tells her you don’t want to let go just as much as her. With a small bite to your lower lip, you knew you’d been right in assuming your chemistry would translate to the physical side of the potential relationship.

Pulling away with great effort you ask her to stay over tonight.

She replies by kissing you harder than before.

Perfect, you think, you’re not going to waste one more day.

#elisa de almeida #elisa de almeida x reader #woso x reader #élisa de almeida #woso #i've been holding this fic hostage so i'll do my homework #i'm trying to finish all the ones which are half done so yall stay tuned #i aware when i did the poll it was completely different but im still gonna write

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cheriemariii · 2 months ago

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Part 1/5 of that damned jrsih yuri au look book I've been working on for three weeks straight now 🤞 (under the cut :3)

usagi

-what if scrooge mcduck were an insufferable lesbian mostly

-I remember back when i was drafting her i saw someone on twt refer to a character (idk who xd) as “femme prince” and it just stuck with me yknow???????

-so yeah anyways she loves suits. u could be doing your groceries and randomly find this renowned writer wearing the most annoyingly extra suit u have ever seen in ur life.

-and the very few times she is not wearing one (mostly when she is supposed to be chilling at home) she still dresses up like a rich man. as a fun fact, the outfit pictured above is inspired by smth usagi actually wears in the manga jdhsjdhshh

-if she ever wears a dress its only for an extremely formal event that isaka forced her to go to. And ofc it IS something too fancy

-pretty much her entire wardrobe is way too expensive….. and also its huge

-also she likes wearing heels bc she likes being taller than she already is (very much so…..) and she is surprisingly good at walking with them for someone who hates going outside

-her hair always looks the same bc she may not be lazy enough to put on full makeup and dress like she came out straight from a snobby men fashion show somewhere expensive every single day….. but she is too lazy to do her hair.

-killer bod somehow? and will make sure to use it against misakis ~composed japanese woman~ facade at any given opportunity :)

nowaki

-butchbutchbutcbhbutchbutchbutch

-keeping her close to canon :)

-very much into dark plain colors, mostly bc she likes keeping things simple when it comes to clothing. this accidentally makes her look a little bit more intimidating than she actually is tho ;p

-wears sweaters most of the time bc they are comfy and other stuff is a lil harder to find in her size xd

-on a related note, shes not much into shopping bc most stuff she tries fits weird one way or another, so her wardrobe is rather limited (ALTHOUGH hiro is working on expanding it a lil bit 🤞she often gifts her clothing on special occasions, and seems to be the only person who can actually pick stuff that fits her right :3)

-she is hugeeee as already implied xdxd very broad shouldered and fit and muscular (not exaggerated but its definitely there) and strong and and and……… i would even go as far as to keep the canon height (1.86 m if im not mistaken????). Naturally the difference between her and the average japanese woman (hell, even between her and other characters considered “tall” in this au) is waaaay more noticeable, so it draws even more attention

(-from here on i will be using nowaki as a reference to talk about a characters height…..)

-very neat when it comes to her work clothes, but likes to decorate her lab coat with pins and such bc her patients seem to like it :)

-also i dont remember if its ever stablished what happened to the flower shop job but id like to believe she gets to keep it, at least as a weekends thing or smth,, (nowaki seemed to enjoy it idk idk :”3)

-miyagi

-milf. Not in the “older woman with ginormous sex appeal” way, but because she literally looks like someones mom

-(actually, its not rare for people to take her for shinobus mother when they go out together, even if they dont look alike in the slightest jsjsjs this is a bit more comprehensible bc in this au they do have the ages to be mother and daughter (21 and 42), but booooy does shinobu get defensive about it…..)

-quite feminine, but still tries to remain comfortable most of the time (so mostly pants, loose blouses, etc etc)

-has a thing for patterns, specially florals, and specially very colorful or elaborated ones :)

-wears heels often (she likes them ✊)….. and wonders why her back hurts….

-shinobu likes to gift her jewelry :D her earrings remain the same tho bc it hurts to put them back on (i swear it does!!!!!)

-kinda skinny and just slightly taller than the average woman

-very short hair for easy maintenance mostly

-killer skincare routine, but mostly bc shinobu is a little annoying about her aging properly and shares with her a lot of her own stuff xd

asahina

-kind of old fashioned???? I mean most of the references i used seemed to be from like the 70s so ig….

-very feminine, but in a rich (isakas courtesy) church lady kind of way. So very long skirts, high-collared shirts or straight up turtlenecks, thighs….

-to this day isaka remains the only person to have ever seen her bare ankles in the past 20 (or so?) years

-very tall. To the point of not looking like a gremlin next to nowaki at least

-she is also very skinny tho, so in a way she does end up looking quite small in comparison xd

-the scar on her face is bc of the car accident (coughmurdersuicideattemptcough) as a child :) it is mostly hypertrophic scars from the glass and debris falling on her and some burnt skin too, and she cant feel or move that side of her face as much as normal (hence the ever lasting lack of expression…..). It doesn’t look as obvious as i made it seem tho, that was mostly to bring out the fact that its there xd I would love to make a more detailed post about it if only i could draw…….

-the exact same hair and extremely similar silhouette in every look is not a lack of creativity, but a show of how she always strives for consistency and balance and neatness (…..it may be a lack of creativity…..)

ijuuin

-“i have all the ideas very clear in my head” <- me when i lie

-ngl ijuuin was a bit tricky djdhsjhdjsgshs like i could imagine her in my head but not have a very clear concept until a while ago……

-ANYWAYS i recall ijuuin dressing quite classy every once in a while in the manga, so that was what i was going for here kinda?

-cant help but feel she looks a little old fashioned too but in my mind this is what cool asf looks like so idc

-ik she LOVES patterns. Everything colorful and elaborate… She also likes to experiment with them, clashing them together and such

-she goes out on her pajamas a lot more than she should. But puts on her pretentious trenchcoat (inspired by canon!!) to cover it so its okay 👍

-has very beautiful hair and will make sure everyone notices it(hence why she never puts it up even if she somehow styles it…)

-quite tall. not to the point of not looking ridiculous next to nowaki, but its a highlight

-also has the body of a greek goddess statue and yuu is very much obviously obsessed with it :)

#this is a thing i made………#junjou romantica #usami akihiko #junjou egoist #nowaki kusama #junjou terrorist #miyagi yoh #junjou mistake #asahina kaoru #junjou sentiment #ijuuin kyo #yuri au #so remember when i said i had all the drawings done? well that was half a truth xd #technically speaking yes. all drawings are done and i dont have to pick up a pencil ever again #BUT i still have to edit them and each drawing can take from half an hour to almost 3 hours depending on how obsessed i get with it :B #i wanted to post them unedited for once actually but i couldnt 😭 the paper ended up disgusting from all the erasing and the graphite smear #so the photos look a mess and i am way too prideful to just post them like that hdhdjdhsjd #and i was hoping to finish them over the course of the week but nooooo #bc guess who has three (3) different homeworks and TWO (2) exams for friday???? :'3 #and from there on is not gonna get any better bc we are in finals now :)#ig i could say fuck it and wait til the semester is over to finish it in peace but i cantttt #my brain is stupid and wont let me be until i manage to finish it. not no mention i AM actually rlly excited to post ot regardless #so yeah ig i will be working on it during what little free time i can get for myself but i dont expect to finish it anytime soon ú3ù #hasta aqui mi reporte joaquin

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