#first ever release I was a part of was Kill This Love... imagine if I ulted Blackpink I would've quit kpop a while ago... dammit 😭😂

[strawberry-whorecake]

Hopeless | K.R.

pairing: Kylo Ren x fem!reader

summary: Love? Kylo Ren wasn’t in love… was he? How could he be in love? How could someone like you make him feel like this?

word count: 4.4k

warnings: fluff, slight graphic depictions, swearing, kylo ren is in denial

requested by: @artemiscrios

A/N: i’m sorry this request took so long but i hope you like it !!! if you’re interested i’d be more than willing to make a pt 2 that includes smut- this prompt just felt so fitting to be a fluff

He was utterly kriffed.

He was Supreme Leader of the First Order— the man single-handedly going to bring justice to the galaxy. He was strong… powerful.

Yet here he was. And here you were. 

He remembered how everything had started.

“Eat.” he ordered, he couldn’t help the demanding tone in his voice as he looked at you. 

You sat with your back to him, refusing to look at him. “I’m not hungry.” you retorted. 

His eye twitched, but even though you wouldn’t turn to him his mask concealed it anyway. “You haven’t eaten in four days.” 

“I’m not eating anything you bring me.” you spat. 

Gods he wished you would just give in. To stop resisting him. 

With a quick-drawn and sharp inhale he keeled forward, placing the tray on the floor of your cell. He watched as your head turned ever so slightly, peering from the corner of your eyes over your shoulder. He stood to his full height, clasping his hands behind his back. 

“You’d be wise to do as you’re told. You’re not going anywhere. You have nowhere to go.” 

He’d almost thought he’d imagined it… but no. It was there. That ever so soft sniffle that gently echoed off the walls. He stood utterly still for a moment, swallowing down the urge to huff as his eye twitched again.

“Eat.” he mustered up once more. Hands still clasped behind his back he swiveled and exited your cell, his composure as collected as ever. 

But Kylo didn’t want to admit it… you enveloped him. 

He remembered your first night upon the Finalizer you were rowdy, kicking and screaming, baring your teeth and snarling. Combative. Your second day wasn’t much different. He could feel your indignation— your anger. 

The third day greeted him with the silent treatment, your newfound attempt at torturing him since you discovered your pugnaciousness got you nowhere. 

Then, day four, he could feel it. The dejection. 

You were no longer in denial nor angry, but you refused acceptance, settling yourself into despondency. 

Kylo stalked the halls, the influxes of greetings and polite bows seemed almost blurred in his mind as his brain raced a mile a minute. 

Regret? Kylo Ren didn’t feel regret— he shouldn’t feel regret. 

“We’ve acquired an escapee, Supreme Leader.” a pair of Stormtroopers dragged a shaking and writhing little thing towards him, shouting and arguing against their hold on her body. 

“Let me go! PUT ME DOWN!” sobs wracked your words, your breaths gasping as you tried to swallow down oxygen. 

He didn’t blame your hysteria. The scene unfolding before your eyes was a gruesome one. Bodies splayed the streets of Cardota, blood soaked the pavements. Structures crumbled, dust filled the air. And it was all his doing. 

He stood watching, silent, as the Stormtroopers forced you to your knees before him, you still fought against them, but the trembling made you weak in comparison to them. “Should we kill her too, Supreme Leader?” 

He parted his lips beginning to order that everyone was to be terminated— until his eyes fell onto yours.

Wide, brimming with tears of pain and anger. His words paused in his throat. You had no way of knowing, but as soon as your gazes locked, it was game over.

“No.” he ordered instead. “Release her.” 

He saw the relief flood to your system, but that’s not what he’d meant. The Stormtroopers slackened their grip as Kylo watched you fall to the ground before attempting to scramble upward. 

With an eased outstretch of his hand your movements ceased, the Force straining your muscles and pinning you to the ground, your eyes still wide, still enraged and sorrowful, but now they glimmered with a hint of confusion. 

He crouched down, waving his leather cladden hand across your face and gently ordered, “Sleep.”

Watching as you had no choice to compel, your eyes fluttered shut as your consciousness drifted away. 

“Pull out the divisions, our job here is done.” he ordered the Stormtroopers, ignoring the chorus of “Yes, Supreme Leader.” as he kept his mask locked on you. 

He swept forward, effortlessly pulling you into his arms, cradling you like a small and defenseless child. Your unconscious head laid against his rapidly beating heart, his thoughts reeling— what was he doing? 

Why did he feel this… this need to be near you— as if he wanted to protect you?

He carried you onto his ship, transferring you into a cell as he carefully, as if you’d shatter with too much pressure, laid you on the floor. 

Safe. On his ship. His. 

Kylo didn’t regret the blood that was shed, that tainted his hands. He didn’t feel sorry for any of the lives he’d taken… right?

But something possessed him— something soiled his spirits the moment he met your eyes, and it only worsened when he’d carried you in his arms.

Who were you? You were nobody, surely. Just a Cardota local girl. You had no affiliations with the war, with his plans for the galaxy— one half of him argued.

The other half begged to differ. You were someone. He could sense it within you every time he was near you, and kriff’s sake he couldn’t stand to not be near you… that was definitely something. 

But what was it about you? 

He’d whisked off to his private quarters, his mind still reeled with you— it was completely encompassed with you… why?

It infuriated him, part of him wanted to kill you, be free of the drawing compulsion he felt towards you. But he couldn’t seem to do it. Just the idea of killing you filled him with a feeling he hated more than his affliction for you. A feeling he thought he was better than to feel. 

Even on the other side of the ship he could hear into your thoughts as if you were clearly speaking to him. He could hear your indignation toward him and the hint of exhaustion in your scorn. You despised him— he’d taken everything from you. 

He crossed his chambers, ripping open the door to the private sections where the remnants of his grandfather’s mask laid awaiting him.

He crouched, not much unlike a pleading child. “Help me, Grandfather.” he whispered, his eyes shutting and his hand hovering over the mask. “Help me understand.” 

His desperate calls came unanswered, swelling a low broiling anger in his stomach. “I need to know what it is about her.” he demanded. 

Nothing. 

He ripped his eyes open, lip curling in irritation. Why was she in his head? What made her so special to make the Supreme Leader feel like this?

Practically leaping off the ground he turned his back on his grandfather’s mask, making his way to his sleeping quarters as he tugged off his own mask, throwing it with little care across the room.

He sank onto the edge of his bed, his elbows propped on his knees as he buried his face in his hands. His head throbbed and that constant simmering, slow-churning anger seeped through his skin, rolling off of him in waves.

Why her?

He was about to throw his fist into the nearest piece of furniture when something washed over him. Something replaced the meek dullness he felt. 

As he sank himself deeper into the sensation, he allowed himself to feel. Ravenous and fulfilling. 

She’s eating. 

The realization surged over him with complete understanding. He could practically feel himself sigh. 

Good. Compliance. 

He’d kept you for a while now, almost like an experiment. Testing himself, his limits around you. 

He allowed himself to feel how he felt when he was near you. Trying several different approaches— spending too much time with you, staying away from you. 

All he gathered from this was being around you calmed him, it relieved that dull rage that constantly coursed through his system, and when he left you, it’d return. 

In the time he’d kept you captive he’d learned everything he possibly could about you. Who you physically were, where and what you came from. Your lineage, your occupation on Cardota. Every fact he could absorb, he did. 

The information he wanted to know, and still didn’t— which bugged the everliving stars out of him— was why you still made him feel this way.

When he was away from you, he could feel it swelling inside him. He scrutinized himself for the way he just wanted to be in your presence again— the way he craved it. The serenity you seemed to bring.

Kylo lost sleep over you. It was pathetic. 

Every night was the endless cycle of not hearing your thoughts while your mind was at ease, caught up in the bliss and the comfort of sleep. If he focused hard enough he could hear your soft breaths. He wondered what you looked like as you slept… if you slept more pleasantly than him. 

Sleep haunted him, his demons clawed at him when his eyes shut, it was never refreshing. He wondered if you felt refreshed when you’d awaken.

He wondered if you dreamed blissfully, whereas he was cursed with nightmares. Then a thought wafted over him— you were pure.

The only time he managed to fall asleep and stop thinking of you was if he imagined holding you as you slept. 

Pathetic. He reminded himself.

You made him feel unstable yet at peace all at the same time and it drove him insane. 

He’d indulged himself in your company, even if you were begrudging. Under his mask he quirked a smirk, watching as you crossed your arms, looking around the room to anywhere but him. 

You didn’t have to speak, he could hear you nonetheless. Your thoughts. 

“You’re restless.” his modulated hum rang out. His words were direct, but his tone was gentle. 

“How long are you going to keep me here?” you bit back. 

“Where else do you have to go?” he returned.

He cursed his words as soon as he’d uttered them. That indignation, that dull ache of your own rolled off of you and onto him. 

“That wouldn’t be the case if you hadn’t raided my planet and destroyed the Hosnian system.” your tone oozed with bitterness as your hands gripped your arms.

He couldn’t help but chuckle, “You’re going to stay upset about that, are you?” 

You scoffed, “Yes.” 

“Then I regret to inform you you’ll have quite the unpleasant while.” he leaned his head back, his eyes still glued to you. 

“You could always just kill me.” you spit. 

“I’ve already told you that’s not going to happen.” his voice hardened. Your continuous pleas for him to just finish you off were growing tiresome. 

‘He’s a horrible monster in a mask- and he’s insufferable. He keeps me around like some little pet, refusing to let me go or kill me.’ your thoughts reverberated around his own skull. 

His lip quirked upwards again, entertained. 

Pet? You saw yourself as a pet to him? Oh, how delightfully wrong you were. If only you knew how you drew him in— if you only knew of the pull you had on him.

“Insufferable, am I?” he almost cooed. 

“Get out of my head.” you spat. 

Monster in a mask, he thought. Was he a monster? Maybe his actions were ‘monstrous’, but were they not justified? Every decision he’s made had led him to where he is now. 

Oh right… to being tormented by this girl. 

He stood, eyeing you for a moment as you watched him, swallowing down your hopes for his departure. Funny you’re not used to his company by now. 

“Monster in a mask…” he repeated your thoughts back to you, earning a disinterested hum in response. 

“You can’t deny your curiosity.” As he looked at you, you looked at him. His hands seemed to move on their own accord. They found the edges of his mask, and with an eased sweep he pulled it from his head. His eyes fell on you— and your eyes looked into his, unconcealed for the first time. 

He watched your eyes drift over his features, soaking in his appearance. He ignored the way his heart rate picked up. You were quiet, completely thoughtless for a moment, and he couldn’t hold back his smirk. He’d taken you by surprise. 

“I suppose it’s time we met, face to face… after all, you’re not going anywhere any time soon.” His eyes drifted over you, soaking you in as he set his mask on the cot he’d been sitting.

He relished in the soft little hiccup sound you made at hearing his unmodulated voice. How your eyes gently widened and how your heart skipped a beat. 

But as quickly as these appeared they faded. Changed into something else—

Confusion, he finally recognized.

“What do you want with me?” you piped up, making him cock his head in intrigue. “You won’t kill me, you won’t let me go… so what is it you want?” 

A little voice in his head seemed to speak up for him, You, but he quickly stifled its words. 

“I want to know why you have this hold on me.” he spoke truthfully. 

He watched as your forehead crumpled but your eyes remained wide in disbelief. “Hold I have on you!?” you practically squeaked. He nodded, “Yes.” 

You scoffed, which normally he’d have taken offense to, but it oddly piqued his interest. “You’re holding me captive.” you reminded him. 

“Yes, I’m aware of the circumstances.” he clasped his hands behind his back, still not removing his gaze from you, and it pleased him that you didn’t shy away from looking back. 

He looked to the ground for a moment as he took a sweeping step forward, bringing himself closer to you, his eyes falling on you again as you looked up at him from the floor. 

“What is it you’ve inflicted on me?” he asked, utterly serious, and a twinge of annoyance struck him as you let out an incredulous laugh. 

“Why is it that you are all I can think about? That when I’m around you I find myself at ease?” His expression hardened as he spoke, his eyes almost glaring. His desperation for the truth was affecting him. 

There was a beat as you stared at him and he looked back at you. “Tell me.” he ordered.

You scoffed again, “I don’t know what this obsession is you have with me- but I didn’t inflict you with anything.”

Obsession? Surely it wasn’t obsession… right?

He stared at you, his eyes still slightly glaring as he looked at you just as incredulously as you looked at him. 

“Why?” he asked again. 

Your brows furrowed as you shook your head. “I don’t know why you’re in love with me!? Gods you’re insufferable!” you spat.

His brows raised before he let out an almost jeering laugh. “In love with you? I couldn’t be farther from in love with you.” 

You looked at him for a long moment, his gaze locked on yours as you both silently sized each other up. 

“Let me go then.” you finally broke the silence. Your words took him aback, not that he wasn’t expecting them, but they did manage to surprise him. 

“That’s not happening.” he turned away from you, shaking his head. He heard you scoff once more, but he ignored it. Your rising agitation only made the feeling gurgle within him, and he knew his visitation for the day was over. 

He pulled his helmet back on, looking at you for a moment. When you’d turned your head, crossing your arms once more, he tutted softly before exiting your cell. 

He remembered how his mind had reeled as he retired from your cell. 

In love? In love?! 

What did the Supreme Leader need with love?! It was preposterous. First Order sympathizers looked up to him, practically ate out of his palm. He could have the whole galaxy and he would soon enough, so what did he need with love?

The word ‘love’ reverberated around his brain like a blaster shot bouncing around a contained room. 

He didn’t feel love– the idea that he did brought a low boil of anger to his gut. Love was useless to him, how dare you suggest he was in love with you.

Sure, he’d give it to you, maybe he was a little obsessed with you, with the way you made him feel– but him in love with you? No way. He refused to accept it. 

He needed to reach out to his grandfather again, to beg for answers. He needed to know why it felt like you had him in your grip when he was the one with the hold on you. 

Crouched once again on the floor before his grandfather’s mask, his hand hovering above it, he pleaded out. “Please, Grandfather. I need to understand.” 

His desperations came answered, but not in the way he expected– or the way he was ready for. 

He was met with a vision of your eyes on him again, looking into his eyes. He saw you reach out for him and he wanted to cower away, but he just couldn’t seem to do it, and a moment later he found your hand in his before he pulled you tightly to his body. 

He held you for a long moment, and he almost swore he could actually feel you against him, but as soon as he thought he could, you vanished from his grip and he was filled with a feeling of longing and emptiness. 

‘Love’ echoed around his brain again. 

“Fuck.” his eyes shot open and his hand withdrew rapidly from above his grandfather’s mask. He recalled the way he’d met you, the way he felt when he first looked into your eyes. 

The obsession he had for you, the way he wanted to protect you, how he felt at ease in your company. 

He wanted to ravish you, show you things you’d never experience without him. He wanted to watch your eyes light up as he showed you unseen parts of the galaxy… from beside him. 

The draw he had to you… it was… love. 

What was he to do with this realization? Surely you couldn’t love him back— for stars sake he took you captive. You were prisoner on his ship. 

How could he make you see he only did what he did because he was, in fact, in love with you?

That’s when things changed. That’s when Kylo extended an olive branch and after a while, you accepted it. That’s why you were where you were now and Kylo Ren was completely and utterly kriffed. He was Supreme Leader of the entire galaxy… he could have anything— he could get anything, what did he need with you? Why did he need you?

Yet here you were. In his quarters, lying beside him in his bed, so sweet and gently sleeping.

As soon as you willingly moved from your quarters to his, he knew it there was no use arguing how he felt. While he was comforted by your presence, so much so as to almost lure him to sleep, he couldn’t stop himself from peering through his closed eyes at you every time you rolled over, sighed, groaned softly– or worse– moved closer to him. 

You moved restlessly as you slept, and it slightly annoyed Kylo, that’s why he couldn’t seem to stop himself when he threw his arms around you and tugged you against his chest, keeping you pinned against him. But to his surprise, you stilled. And you stayed that way as long as he held you. 

He constantly wracked his brain wondering why you’d meant so much to him. You were a prisoner, you were his captive. And yet without you knowing, you had him wrapped around your finger. Why? What was it about you that drew him into you– and after a while, you into him? 

Regret.

You should hate him, he’d hated himself. Not only for what he’d done, but for what he did to you. He’d taken everything from you and left only him for you to know, so why did you give in?

He remembered that switch in your brain. When you finally stopped fighting him– wanting to escape, being defensive and aggressive– and you gave in. As if you’d accepted that he was your new normal, and you didn’t fight it, in fact, you welcomed it. Why? What changed?

Was it him? He supposed he had been trying to be nicer to you. He granted you your own quarters, he allowed you to have a little more freedom, all the while you were his prisoner.

Maybe it was when he opened up and he talked to you. He told you all about his desires and his aspirations not just for himself, but for the galaxy… and you listened. He liked that you didn’t just accept everything he said, that you were a little combative. That you argued against his means and questioned his motives.

He wasn’t sure why, but you liked listening to him talk, and even more confusing, he liked talking to you.

He couldn’t seem to help himself from telling you anything and everything, even the minute details about his life such as what he ate for breakfast, and what his favorite color was. He liked that you listened, really listened.

You didn’t listen like everyone else who just accepted what he said as fact. You listened and processed what he’d tell you, and you’d respond.

He also liked that you weren’t afraid of him. Not anymore at least, though, he’d argue you never really were. Even the moment he took you on board the Finalizer, you never once showed him you were afraid of him. You were strong. Something else he supposed he liked about you.

He could easily destroy you, and in a way he had, but he didn’t want to, at least not anymore. Something about you made him want to protect you, to care for you. Why?

You thrashed gently in his arms, tearing his attention down to you. When his eyes met yours he found you looking up at him with your tired, but ever so gorgeous eyes. 

“Do you ever sleep?” you hummed half-consciously. “No.” he said mostly jokingly, though his tone was firm and serious. He was relieved when a small smile pulled on your pretty lips anyways.

“I don’t keep you up, do I?” you yawned, shifting in his arms a little. He froze– you were worried about him? His lips parted to speak, to question why you cared, but he couldn’t seem to find the means to ask. 

“No. If anything I sleep better when you’re near.” 

This time you froze– and he scrutinized himself. Why did he say that? Why did he think that was something he should’ve ever admitted?

Time seemed to slow as you looked up at him, and him down at you. Part of him argued to let you go, release you from his hold, but the other half of him begged to pull you closer.

You pulled away from his arms, and he hated the way it felt like his heart sank– how he felt disappointed, but he acted as if it didn’t bother him as he watched you pull yourself up on your arms. He feigned a look of indifference as you looked at him, your emotions so strong he could feel them radiating off of you. 

Confusion, intrigue… want.

Then you did the unthinkable. Your hand gently met his cheek and he had to fight the urge to snatch your hand off and push you away, after all, he didn’t want to scare you, not anymore.

He watched as your eyes fell from his to where your hand laid against his cheek, then they moved to his lips.

Just enough time passed for his heartbeat to quicken and thump against his ribcage before you leaned in and your lips were on his. 

He stilled for a moment, watching, waiting as you took the lead, but he finally allowed himself to kiss you back.

When you pulled away you both eyed each other, like you were silently sizing the other up. “Why did you do that?” he asked, breaking the silence, his voice barely above a whisper.

“To see what you’d do.” you answered as if it was the most obvious answer in the galaxy. When his eye twitched slightly, you giggled, “Well? How do you feel?” you asked, as you pulled your hand away from his cheek.

Hopeless.

Kylo Ren— Supreme Leader of the galaxy felt hopeless.

Hopelessly in love with you. 

You possessed him, you made him feel things that he swore he’d never feel again. He was supposed to be angry, cruel, the embodiment of revenge and power… and yet he was in love with you. 

He wanted to give you everything. He’d pluck every star from the galaxy for you if it meant he’d get to see that smile of yours, to see the way your eyes would sparkle. He needed you. 

He snatched up your face with much more haste than he’d meant, but it didn’t matter. He needed to feel your lips on his again, to feel the feeling of you against him and the way everything felt right when you were near.  And you didn’t fight. 

You let him as he wrapped his free arm around your waist, tugging your body against his as his lips pressed to yours. 

He kissed like he was a drowning man and you were the smallest bit of oxygen that would give him a second wind to keep going. Because that’s how you made him feel. 

Kylo Ren was drowning. Drowning in responsibilities, in expectations of what he needed to do and who he should be, but around you, Kylo Ren could breathe. 

All responsibilities and expectations died away, and he could simply be. 

Your arms tangled around his neck, pulling yourself impossibly closer as your lips worked in synchronization, each of you battling for the upper hand to kiss with the most passion. To kiss with love. 

As much as it didn’t make sense to him— you did. Everything felt at ease with you, and here and now, he was finally accepting that he didn’t need to fight it. That everything you made him feel wasn’t weakness, but that you gave him an unknown source of strength. 

You were intoxicating. He couldn’t even pinpoint what it was about you that he liked the most. He liked you as a whole. You pulled him in and made him feel safe… like he belonged, something he wasn’t sure he’d ever truly felt.

You were supposed to be his, he was supposed to have you wrapped around his finger, eating out of his hand, but he was so wrong.

You didn’t know it, and he may not be ready to tell you, but he was yours.

Kylo Ren was yours.

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Imagines

insolitus | yjw.

pairings: yang jungwon x reader

synopsis: you’ve always thought jungwon is out of this world, out of ordinary. he’s someone who seems familiar but at the same time mysterious for almost everybody. you didn’t expect that he himself will unfold more of him with you and it was an insolitus experience.

word counts: 2k

warnings: yandere themes, mention of murder, violence, obsessive love, grammatical errors. (let me know if i missed some)

note: this have a part two. it was not yet ready to be released, but since some anons kept telling me to stop writing then they leave me no choice but to post something. ehe. anyway, i will fix this probably tomorrow since it doesn’t have a picture for this fic. send me asks about what you think about this. love reading your comments and replies. i love you all, please keep safe.

© eeunoia 2024 — all rights reserved.

The whole room was quiet. You might think that it was vacant, but there are two persons inside. The defeaning silence almost suffocate the officer sitting at one of the chairs. He sighs trying to lift whatever that heavy feeling he’s having ever since he entered this room.

The bright light gives a full view of the face of 17 year old, Yang Jungwon. At first look he seems to be like a normal guy, but for some reasons Officer Nam gets some odd feeling from this boy.

He draws in a sigh then taps lightly over the table while his other hand grips tightly at the folder he was holding. His eyes darted at the boy whose head hangs low at the moment and hands resting over his lap.

Despite the soft looking face, the officer couldn’t help but to feel chills while looking over his blood stained school uniform. He even have some over his face that already turned into brownish color after drying up over time.

“Okay, let me ask you again.” Office Nam cleared his throat and leaned over the table, the only thing that keeping them apart.

“I already told you, I don’t know who did it or what happened to him.” Jungwon says in a low tone, sticking to the words he said the first time they asked him.

“The blood on your shirt—” he raises his head and his brows folds in a remorseful way.

“I told y-you Sir, I found him and tried to help! His blood got all over me because of that.” Jungwon explains and he looked very convincing. The words he mutters are acceptable, but his eyes looked so blank. The police officer couldn’t point out what’s wrong, but his eyes looked so emotionless.

He kept his lips pursed into a thin line and stared at him straight to his eyes. Usually, kids his age will be in panic and can even broke into tears specially after being involve in a very serious crime. But he is different. Yang Jungwon, despite having the look of remorse and worries—makes him feel very wary. Its very unsettling.

He shuts his eyes for a while then sighs. “Okay, let’s say what you’re saying are true. But we still can’t let you go because you are our only lead to solve this crime.”

He doesn’t exactly know what he expects to happen next, but nothing prepares him for what’s about to unfold in front of him.

“So annoying.” the boy muttered lowly but enough for the officer to hear.

“Excuse me?” he asks just to make sure he heard him right.

From looking so uneasy and worried, Jungwon raises his head then leans his back comfortably over the chair. His forehead relaxed causing for the crease on it to disappear. He tilt his head while staring deadly straight to the police officer.

Shivers came rushing through the police officer’s whole body.

“I did it.” he said it so naturally. Like confessing from stealing a candy.

The corner of his lips lifts up a bit, “I killed him.” he confessed that made the officer sick in the stomach.

His heart felt like it stopped beating, cold sweats showers him and his hand froze at the sudden confession from the boy. He couldn’t properly express his own emotions because of the utter shock. He doesn’t know if it was from how the boy says those horrifying words so naturally or how he doesn’t look even bothered about it that made him like this.

It made the officer think if he’s aware of the crime he just committed. The lack of remorse and guilt are evident through his eyes. Its almost impossible to believe.

“You want to know how I did it?” he licked his lower lip and slightly straighten his back. “I grabbed a bottle and broke it. I used the sharp edges to stab him on his stomach, heart and neck.” he says and a sinister smile made it to his lips.

He leans closer, “And I repeat it again and again and again. Until he basically stopped breathing and died.” he even gave a shoulder shrug and rested his back again on the chair.

“W-Why...” the officer’s lips shakes as he stutter through his own words.

“I just want to.” Jungwon smiles as his eyes still looked dead.

Countless criminals with such horrible crimes had confessed inside this office. But this is the very first time that one actually scared and made Mr. Nam tremble in fear.

Despite all of these, he tried to gather his thoughts and composed himself. His hand slowly went down near his gun, preparing himself to anything that can happen.

“Do you know w-what consequences awaits for you because of what you did?”

Jungwon shrugs his shoulder off. “Yeah, I’m not stupid.”

The way he say every words confidently just makes the atmosphere even heavier. Normally they should be begging to take it easy on them or pleading not guilty for the crime they’re being accounted for.

But this kid...

“You can be jailed.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Yes you are a minor, but you can still serve juvenile for a few years before we can transfer you to an actual prison.” his jaw clenches together with his fist, trying to make himself look stronger. Well he has to. He’s way older than him, have more built and training. He’s also the adult inside the room so if anything, he should have the upper hand between them, right?

“Oh really?” his tone sounded so monotonous like as if it was the most boring thing he had ever heard that day.

Even before the officer can utter another word, the door to the interrogation room bursted open then revealed a man wearing a neatly ironed suit while carrying a suit case.

Officer Nam’s forehead furrowed hardly and he was about to tell them to go out as he's in the middle of a very confidential case only to be caught off guard.

He starts to wonder why this man is standing there and behind him is their Chief of Police following him like a loyal dog.

The boy didn’t even bothered looking at the newly arrived people. He rolled his eyes looking so bored and tired of this place.

“What do you think my father will feel when he knew I was here for two hours?” Jungwon asks the man that just arrived. His eyes looked dead and bored, tone serious and cold before he slowly stood up from his sit.

His aura was totally different. It was like Jungwon is a scared sheep a while ago that he used to look after, asking him what happened and so on so fort. Then suddenly that very same sheep tears off his sheep skin and revealed his true self. A fox. A predator.

Officer Nam snapped back to his senses and it took him time to realize what’s going on. His shoulder fell along with the hope to serve justice when he looked at one of the greatest lawyers in South Korea bowing at Yang Jungwon like he was so sorry for letting him stay in this interrogation room for too long.

Jungwon smirks looked so sly as he walks away from that room, the Chief even made way and apologizes for the hold. The young boy strides the police station’s hallway like a free man oozing with nothing but pride and power. Like as if he didn’t just do something horrible. As if he didn’t just killed somebody.

“Nam, we need to talk.” their Chief Officer says in a very strict tone while he closes the door behind his back.

Officer Nam kept his mouth shut and tries hard to keep his composure. His jaw clenches along with his fists under the table and his thoughts starts to wander mindlessly.

He doesn’t even need to hear what their Chief officer was about to discuss with him. He’s already aware of it. At this point, all there left is to surrender and just force himself to turn blind eye to this injustice.

After-all, he is nothing up against the Governor’s youngest son, Yang Jungwon.

They said that out of the hundred people you walk across the world, at least 1 of them are a psychopath. They can blend into the society naturally like they’re truly part of it. Like they’re totally normal and not thinking of unaliving someone in the worst way all the time.

Now, to identify that small percentage of the population started to become totally difficult. You can never know which one of the people you interact with are part of them. It can be your neighbor who greets you with big smiles every morning, it can be the traffic officer who helps you cross the street, the taxi driver, the guard by the gates of your school, your teacher or your classmates.

But never in a million chances that you will think that it can be Yang Jungwon. There is no way someone as sweet and perfect as Jungwon can be part of them. No, never. He’s undeniably handsome, from a good family, polite, responsible—president of the student council, top of your class, kind, athletic, talented, have dimples and always talks in the sweetes softest way. If one will have to point someone who is an epitome of an angel, he can be that.

So why are you inside this dark room, cuffed to a steel bar, face drenched with sweat and tears and totally scared for your life after being kidnapped by him? By Yang Jungwon.

You completely blanked out from the series of events that just occured hours ago. You remembered being with (name), arguing about how he’s so controlling and tiring for you. He was shouting at you and grabbing you over your wrist. You are expecting a slap or your hair being pulled by him, but the next thing you knew, he was down on the floor showering over his own blood. Yang Jungwon stands beside you, staring blankly at him while holding a broken bottle he just used to stab your boyfriend to death.

And the moment it finally dawned onto you, you tried to run away from him. It was too late. Jungwon manages to catch you and covered your mouth with this cloth that made you lose consciousness.

A faint creeking sound from the door made you snap back to reality. Your head perks up, eyes a little bit hopeful while heart still beats in an inconsistent pace.

“H-Help.” you tried to say, slightly choking your words because of the shock you’ve just been to.

Lights emits when it cracks open causing for you to squint your eyes slightly. The moment you saw who it was, you gulped and the corner of your eyes burns. Chest rises up and down, feeling suffocated out of fear.

Yang Jungwon stood proudly by the door. The light blue uniform coat was too familiar for you as it was what boys in your school wears almost everyday. He stares without saying anything before he slightly moves his shoulder to take off his blood stained coat.

The person beside him was quick to assist him.

“Did she eat already?” he asks casually, eyes still darted at your direction.

You trembles in fear and stares away from time to time, couldn’t really hold the eye contact longer than five seconds.

“No, young master.”

He rolls his eyes as he looked over the person beside him. Fear reflects his face as he bow his head nervously. Jungwon kept his eyes at him before he sighs and tilts his head to the side. You can almost hear that person’s sigh of relief when Jungwon started walking towards your way.

Fear flows through your system like a water as you try to push yourself near the wall, away from him. When he’s close enough, he crouches down and scanned you from head to toe.

Jungwon could not explain how excited he is as he stare at you. He couldn’t help but to let a small smile shed over his pretty lips, satisfied.

“Tell me this isn’t a dream.” he mumbles, only enough for you to hear. Tears pooled your eyes and they flow continuously to your pretty face.

Jungwon pursed his lips and stretches his hand closer to you. He gently cupped your face and using his thumb, he wiped off your tears. Despite the soft touches he gradually give you, it made you flinch but Jungwon tries to ignore it for the mean time. For now, he still couldn’t handle the thrill of having you here together with him.

“My pretty girl.” he whispers with so much adoration, eyes almost flashing heart shapes as he stares at you.

“Even if you’re crying, you are still gorgeous.” he added that made you feel sick in the stomach.

“D-Don’t touch me.” you finally manages to say as you move your face away from his touch. The smile on Jungwon’s lips fell and his eyes turned dark after what you did.

It quickly sent shivers through your spine, but you try your best not to let him see how terrified you are to him.

As he carefully scan you, he noticed how your body is shaking and his mood switches right away. Its quite fascinating even for you.

“You’re shaking, baby. Are you cold?” he asks sounding so gentle. It was almost like the same Jungwon you see around campus. It was unbelievable.

“Here,” he says after someone handed him a blanket.

He slowly helped you to wrap it over your shoulder. Suddenly, the hunger and the tiredness from resisting for hours kicked in. You have no remaining energy to even resist anymore or to even shove his hand away. Jungwon gets too excited when you let him take care of you. Its not like you have a choice.

“You’re a m-murderer.” it almost came out as a mumble, but when he stops from gently caressing your arm you knew he heard it. He looked at you and you didn’t saw any guilt. None.

“Do you hate me?” he raised his hand from holding your arm to touching your face, he cares it so gently again like you’re a very fragile thing for him.

You kept your mouth shut and just shoot him glares while tears stream down your eyes.

“He’s a terrible boyfriend anyway. He hurts you and he’s so lame.” his eyes follows a tear that escaped your eye and he went to wipe it again.

“Don’t waste your tears for him. I actually did you a favor.” and he brushes hairs stuck at your skin.

“B-By killing him?”

Jungwon pursed his lips and memory of your boyfriend screaming out of pain flashes through him for a while. He almost rolled his eyes at how pathetic he sounded a while ago, but he stopped himself.

“He doesn’t deserve you and so I thought you could use a new boyfriend.” he clenches his jaw and while holding an eye contact, he leans in and placed a soft kiss at your shoulderblades.

He almost lose his mind when he inhaled your familiar scent. The very same scent he grew addicted to. Now, he doesn’t have to settle on watching you from a far and trying to use every reasons he can use just to have a small talk with you. Now, you are here with him and you belong to him. He couldn’t be happier.

You shut your eyes and shake your head slowly, whimpering.

“P-Please just let me g-go.” your voice cracks from screaming and crying too much.

“Don’t worry, I will.” he smiled and you looked at him hopeful.

“R-Really?”

He nods his head, “Once I finally tamed and make you submit to me completely.”

Your stomach churns and hope starting to crumble down once again.

“You are a monster! Y-You will rot in hell.”

Jungwon stood up and stared down at you. His strict, cold eyes sent direct shivers down to your spine. He slides both of his hand inside his pockets while he continues looking at you.

“If that’s the price I have to pay to have you in this lifetime,” he stalls his words and smiles. “I will gladly accept my fate.”

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[midnightsapphire]

imagine a soulmate!au with aemond

color is nonexistent until you first meet eyes with your soulmate.

to aemond? the world has always been bleak, grey, cold.. alone. he envied the lords and ladies of the court that always spoke of the vibrant and beautiful colors of their houses, of the world around them

but he didn't envy the pain in knowing as lords and ladies of the court, they were destined to pine for their soulmate as they were dragged into loveless marriages

some were lucky- but it was a rare feat to the younger targaryen.

part of him wished he could see the world as it was. beautiful, vibrant.

but as he grew older, being introduced to several ladies of the court in hopes to find a beneficial match, he began to lose hope when he would continue to see the world in monotone as he did for a large portion of his life

even moreso when he loses his eye, only attracting fear and disgust at being crippled, maimed, undesirable (so the people have whispered when they believe he is not listening)

his 18th nameday was no different, having hid away behind a few tapestries to avoid his mother's doting and introducing him to different "important" people of the court

or his ever so lovely sister dragging him for a dance as he stood- stiff as a board- and followed her movements less than gracefully

"i would loathe to be the one that has to stare at that for the rest of my life"

"who would want to lay with the one eyed prince, i heard the skin under perished-"

"i heard it's as grotesque as the scar that peeks out, gods forbid anyone be tied down to that."

"it's no wonder the prince aegon had to pay a woman to lay with him. no silver in the world could be enough."

it was enough, he had hurt enough

"well i heard it was unfitting of a lady to speak such horrid things."

it was a voice that made him stop in his tracks, looking over his shoulder as he saw the back of a woman from an unknown house, her hand loosely dangling a goblet of wine inbetween her middle and ring fingers

"don't tell me you'd be the poor sap that would stomach looking at that maimed face all day and night." they said with shocked gasps as aemond tried to decipher the face of the woman who had shrugged her shoulders

"a face is a face, he is a prince. a loyal and dutiful one at that."

"but he-"

"studies philosophy? trains with the way of the blade and has been deemed one of the best- if not the best fighters in all seven realms? rides the largest beast in the world? i see nothing wrong with him."

"he lacks an eye, (Y/N)"

"and you lack brains, should you be lucky you don't also lack a tongue with the treasonous lies you spit about your prince." she scoffed, continuing her rant as the ladies gasp at the emerging prince, bowing their heads as they scurried off, much to (Y/N)'s chagrin.

"of course you all run away, you spineless flock of-"

"lady (Y/N), was it?"

and his voice was enough to make the woman stiffen, her hands falling at her sides as she slowly turns around, her eyes hesitating to meet his as they both freeze in place

it was as if time stopped the moment aemond met her eyes, his breath hitching and his palms growing sweaty as vibrant specks of blues, gold, various greens flooded his eyes, meeting (Y/N)'s glistening eyes as he could by the small glimmer that the same was happening to her

he released the breath he had been holding when a smile grew on her face, shaking them both out of their state as she laid a hand over her ever beating heart

"my prince.."

A/N - i hate the execution but i needed to get this out of my head before it killed me

[johnwickb1tsch]

Young!John Wick x Model!Reader Imagine

Imagine you are the love of John Wick's life...

You meet in Paris when he’s a young man. You spend a mind-blowing night together, and watch the sun rise from Sacré-Coeur. He disappears, and you’re devastated because no one has ever made you feel that way, and you’re certain you’ll never see him again. But throughout the years he keeps finding you as you travel for work. He kisses you silly in the Gamla Stan of Stockholm, makes you cum on his fingers in a dark club in London, and when he leaves you utterly wrecked in Rome you know that you’re in love with this man. You don’t know exactly what he does for a living, but you’re not stupid. You’ve memorized every inch of his body, and you notice as his collection of scars multiplies over the years. You are half convinced he's a spy, but then there are the tattoos...ominous as they are captivating, they suggest membership in a darker world than the shadows of international espionage. You cannot reconcile it. How can this sweet man, this man who makes you laugh, who brings you joy and such exquisite pleasure, be a part of such a violent occupation? When you finally get up the courage to ask him he just shakes his head, and says it’s better you don’t know before kissing you in that way that utterly scrambles your brain cells.

-It all started in Paris with a broken heel... You nearly fell into traffic, but a strong arm around your waist snatched you back from death.

You hid against his chest for a long moment, even though he was a total stranger, because he felt so safe. You were in Paris for your first Fashion Week—and you were so lost. It’s the 1990s, a dark age in which we didn’t have handheld computers to pleasantly tell us where to go, and we used archaic documents to find our way known as paper maps...And you’d left yours in your hotel accidentally.  

You look up to see kind brown eyes fixed down on you. “Are you alright?” You hate to think it, but you are so relieved to hear an American accent. You have been yelled at no less than three times in French that day, and even if you totally deserved it, you're a bit gun shy now.

“Yes. Thank you. Jesus, I...” You look at the traffic barreling by at breakneck speed, a chill running down your spine. “Thank you,” you say again. You look up at him, really look at him, and realize you're in the arms of the most handsome man you've ever seen—and you work in fashion. 

“You're welcome.” 

He seems as taken by you as you are by him, and for a stretch of long moments you just stand there staring at each other like moon-eyed idiots. He looks down, suddenly shy. It's totally endearing. “Sorry,” he apologizes, releasing you slowly. You teeter on your broken heel, and you can tell he is ready to grab you again if he has to. This protectiveness makes a surprising warmth bloom in your heart.

“Do you...need help getting somewhere?” he asks. You wonder if it’s that obvious you’re lost. Usually you'd be wary of that question from a stranger. You've dealt with so many creeps throughout your life. But somehow you sense that he’s sincere. 

“I guess I'd better get back to my hotel.” 

Sebastiano was going to kill you. You broke a $600 pair of heels...well maybe Gucci should have made them better, the lazy bastards. 

“Can I get you a cab?” 

With your broken heel, you guess you’re not hoofing it back. “Sure.” He hails one down, and you’re delighted when he climbs in with you, speaking to the driver in perfect French, bless him.

“Where are we headed?” You give him the name of your hotel, and he repeats it the way it’s supposed to be said. Oh. No wonder the previous drivers gave you such contemptuous looks… You took Spanish in high school, ok? You can read French but have zero experience speaking it.

When you arrive at the hotel your savior thrusts a wad of Francs through the window before you have a chance to even open your purse, and helps you out of the cab. You are totally leaning against his arm more than you have to. You can feel the hard curve of his bicep beneath the fine fabric of his suit, and it makes you a little giddy. Only once you’re safe in the lobby does he seem willing to release you, though somehow your hand has ended up in his, and you find you don’t really want to let go. “Are you doing anything later?” you ask boldly, before he can disappear back into the bustle of Paris and you’ll never find him again.

He pays you a melancholy smile that squeezes your heart for some reason. “Unfortunately, I have to work,” he says. You make a pouty face that draws his attention to your lips. The intensity in those dark eyes is thrilling. “Maybe if I finish early…I could join you?”

You know you grin like an idiot at this suggestion. “I’ll be at the Versace afterparty. I could…have your name put on the list?”

This seems to amuse him for some reason, his mouth twisting in a smirk. “I can find you,” he says, and your heart flutters. In fact, when he presses his lips to your knuckles, your heart attempts to flutter right out of your chest.

He turns to go but you call, “Wait!” He pauses. “What’s your name?”

The smile he pays you is heart stopping. “Jardani,” he answers quietly. “But everyone calls me John.” You bite your lip, nodding, very pleased with this new bit of information, sensing that maybe he’s told you something just for you. “I hope I get to see you later.”

He nods too, touching your cheek lightly. “You will.”

It sounds like a promise.

-You should be beside yourself with excitement because you’re walking your first runway in Paris, and this could be the moment that makes or breaks your career, but the real reason for your nerves is the hope that you’ll see him again.

-The show goes great. You kill it. Sebastiano, your friend and the designer you’d modeled for, can hardly contain himself. But you find you’re just watching the clock ticking down the seconds until later.  

-John does find you later. You have a drink, and you dance, and from the adoring way he looks at you, you feel brave enough to ask if he wants to go someplace quieter. You go for a little walk, and even though it’s the wee hours of the morning you feel perfectly safe with this man. He kisses you on the Pont Alexandre, his hands in your hair, and your fingers curl in the lapels of his jacket to hold him to you. You ask if he wants to go back to your hotel, and he agrees. This man looks at you like you are something irreplaceably precious, and you don’t know how you’ll let him go.

-He is strong. In your hotel room he picks you up by your thighs and presses you into the wall, kissing you senseless before carrying you to the bed. His hands are calloused, but he’s so gentle with you. He touches you like you were made for him, like he was born knowing how to make you see stars. He claims you with his hands and his mouth and his big, beautiful cock deep inside you, and you know you’ll never be the same after this. You’ve been disappointed so many times that you almost don’t know how to handle an encounter going this well.

-When he stirs in the blue light of pre-dawn your arms tighten around him. You’re not even awake yet, but you don’t want him to leave. He kisses you behind the ear and you practically purr. “Want to see the second most beautiful sight in Paris?”

“Yes,” you agree.

“Bring your camera.” You’d told him about your interest in photography. Maybe modeling was paying the bills, but you’d actually majored in fine art, and minored in literature. Naturally, your interests make for shit at paying bills.  

Sleepily you get dressed. It takes a little longer than usual because you can’t stop kissing each other between pulling on garments. Soft, slow kisses that curl your toes. You sense deep down that every one of them is infused with apology, and goodbye. It breaks your heart, but greedily you’ll take every second with him you can get.He takes you to Sacré-Coeur in the heart of Montmartre, the very roof of Paris. You sit on the steps and watch the sun rise over the city, fiery oranges and pinks painting the sky and rendering the buildings aglow. It truly is beautiful, but you don’t lift your lens to try to capture it. You sit with your arm linked with his, and experience this moment with him as fully as you can. You want to remember everything.

“You didn’t take a picture,” he teases once the sun has cheerfully risen above the horizon.

You pull out the camera and frame him in your lens, his sleepy smile and bed-mussed hair. You feel something shift in your heart as your finger depresses the button. Click. You’re not sure if it’s the camera in your hand, or something settling into place in your heart that has always belonged there.

“Now I have the first most beautiful sight in Paris,” you say.

He laughs at that. “I meant that was you,” he insists, lacing his fingers with yours, kissing the back of your hand. He takes you to breakfast, and you enjoy dark coffee and delectably crafted pastries with your legs tangled together under the table. Afterwards he takes you back to your hotel, and in the gilt-appointed lobby somehow you know what’s coming.

“I have to go,” he says sadly. You actually believe his regret isn’t an act.

You nod, leaning into his large hand on your cheek.

“I’ll never forget you, y/n.”

A shuddering sigh escapes you, and you close your eyes. You are not going to cry.

“Likewise, I promise you.”

You don’t exchange any further information. You know that if it was possible to see him again, he would have offered it to you. There is something mysterious about this man. Something almost…forbidden, and a part of you knows that the little time you stole together was a precious gift.

He kisses you one last time, a passionate, soul-rending thing that leaves you utterly weak in the knees. He says nothing more, pressing his forehead to yours one final time before turning to go. You watch his tall, dark form exit the hotel into the Paris morning, and you know he’s taking a piece of your heart with him as he goes.   

-------------------------------------------------------------------

tbc because goddamn this got long...

part deux >>

[starry-eyes-love]

Chapter 6- You're Forever Mine

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Summary | Things finally boil to a steaming head between you and Joel. After much discussion Joel decides to spend the night sleeping next to you to help calm you. He reads you a steamy bedtime story and then holds you after you wake up from a horrible nightmare (please read warnings about nightmare below before reading). You get a major dark glimpse into the reader's past and how she met Joel (he's the savior in her story). 

Important Note:  This chapter has a lot of very graphic scenes that are mentioned that happen to the f!reader during a dreamstate nightmare flashback. If you don’t want to read about these types of details, then skip the flashback scene at the Boston QZ five years prior in the story.  You can still understand the story without reading the flashback scene. See warnings below. 

Words: 12.0 K (I’m not sorry)

“Baby, if you can’t see why, then I’ve really screwed up. If ya can't see why I want you darlin’, then I don’t deserve you in my life. I’m not Dave honey, I never have been, nor ever will be.  If you can’t see that then please honey, just let me go and see my daughter. I don’t want to be in a world where you think I’m a monster. Please.”

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI for whole story

Flashback: Dark content during flashback with David (aka Dave): language, vio!ence, abu$e mentions several types, name calling, degrading references, death, b!ood and gore (please see note above, you have been warned this is very dark content). 

Rest of story: Smut, language, Joel begging (it deserves it’s own warning), heavy knife references, references to abuse, tension (a lot scattered about), Joel referencing death and death of his daughter, angst, f fingering, m handjob, a lot of smutty parts (you have been warned), use of the word ‘love’, Joel and the reader being an ass (hey it’s relationship dynamics), Joel reading smut out loud to F!Reader (yeah, we’re doing it), fluffy parts sprinkled in, breast feeding kink via smutty book read from Joel, size kink, daddy kink, age gap (not disclosed), body reference (without being too specific), g spot reference, name calling (baby, honey, little girl, etc.)…and I think that is it.  Finally the heat is turning up with these two. Enjoy :) 

Story

Joel was wound up tight, stressed, and not in a good way. This thing between the two of you was starting to boil to a head and he didn't like it. He hated this back and forth that was going on. He hated that he didn't know from one day to the next if he was going to scream at you for fucking up his life, even in the best possible way. Or if he was going to give in and fuck you, just to get out all of his pent up frustration.  God, he needed to relieve himself. It had been way too long, and this constant edging between the two of you was giving him the worst case of blue balls that he could ever imagine. He wanted to bury himself so badly inside of you, throw caution out of the window and give in to his body's needs to have you. That was what it was now, a deep rooted need to release all of his anxiety, anger, and pent up frustration of trying to be the good guy for you.

Joel wasn't a good man, he knew it. Sure, at one time he could be gentle, tender, and loving. He suspected that those emotions were still buried deep inside of him. But ever since the world went to shit, Joel had to survive. He had to kill people in order to survive, and he'll do it again if he must. But you, you were different. You were kind, soft, gentle, but also a fierce woman. There was no one on this Earth that Joel feared more than you, especially when you were pissed off at him. 

Joel saw first hand how you handled frustration. You'd bottle it up inside and then explode later. He'd seen how you’d kill people with your knife, how you'd keep stabbing them long after they were dead to release that anger that you had. An anger that he was just starting to understand. People wronged you in life, took your innocence far before they should have. This fact made Joel want to scream and see red whenever he thought about it. People had prayed upon you, took advantage of you at your weakest, and he wasn't ever going to let that happen again.

Joel also hated seeing you feel weak. It didn't bother him that you couldn't do everything, hell Joel couldn't grow plants, and yet here you were making it work slowly in the house. You had your strengths; the ability to find things hidden, anticipate things, and even take a mothering role with Ellie.  But one of your best abilities, Joel thought, was your ability to get underneath his goddamn skin and drive him crazy. This fact alone pissed him off, but also excited him because he loved your fire, attitude, and passion in life. The worst part, you knew you had this effect on him.

Joel was lost in thought, thinking about you when you were showing Ellie how to string together a bow and how to sharpen a knife. God, it turned him on to hear you direct her on how to stab and kill people.  He knew that you could survive in this world, even if he wasn’t around.  Most men wouldn’t like this type of independence or fierceness, but for Joel, this was the biggest turn on. The only thing that he wished for was for your nightmares to quit haunting you.

"And you turn it like this to secure it" you said to Ellie, showing Ellie how to finish attaching the string for a bow.

"That's so fucking cool y/n. Joel, you did a great job showing her this," Ellie said looking at the bow amazed.

"Not my doing Ellie, that's something she knew all on her own." Joel said, taking a slow sip of the whiskey that he was holding, a small find he got from the cellar outside.

"Seriously? You knew something Joel didn't?" Ellie asked, looking at you shocked. 

"Who do you think taught him how to thread it?" you said with a smirk.

Ellie glanced over at Joel, who started to blush and rub the back of his neck in embarrassment.  "Don't make fun of me darlin’" he said, shaking his head and laughing at how shocked Ellie looked that you had actually taught him how to do something. 

"But Joel, I thought you like knew everything," Ellie said, pushing his buttons on purpose.

"I don't know everything, never have kid. And you,” he said shaking a finger at you, “Stop that damn smiling and laughing over there." You were quietly sitting on the floor next to Ellie, softly laughing to yourself at Ellie's statement, watching her push Joel’s buttons. The amusement of this entire situation was just as much for your enjoyment as it was hers.

"Didn't say anything" you said, trying to keep a straight face, but failing miserably.

"Look here smartass, I may not know how to make what you're doing" he said waving his hand, jestering towards the bow. "But you better believe I know how to shoot that darn thing." And with that you stopped laughing and got up. Shooting a bow was always a touchy subject, one that Joel knew you had.

You walked to the kitchen and started washing your hands, not that you needed to, but it was something to do to get your hands to calm down at the memory. Joel could sense your unease as Ellie continued teasing him.  Joel was only half listening to her, the person he was paying attention to was you.  He saw the way your breathing spiked and became labored, he also saw how your hands were shaking when you went past him. At the sink he saw you vigorously rub your hands underneath the water, acting like you were trying to wash off the signs of blood, which he knew was yours that you were seeing and remembering. Damn it, he thought, she’s having another fucking flashback.

As Ellie continued talking, Joel stood up and approached you slowly in the kitchen. When he approached you and saw that you were still rubbing your hands fast together, scrubbing hard and not acknowledging him, he slowly wrapped his arms around you. He placed his hands on top of yours under the water and said "leave it baby. He's not here. Come on.”  Joel then shut off the water, took your hands that were still trembling, and turned you into his chest. As he slowly caged you in his arms he began to slowly rub his hand up and down your back, humming that little tune to you that he did all of those years before. 

What you didn't realize was that you were shaking so bad in Joel’s arms that Ellie had noticed.  Ellie approached the pair of you and said "Joel is she ok? She's shaking really bad and she looks like she's-"

"She's fine Ellie, don't worry” you heard Joel say. When you glanced up at him you felt a single tear leave your eye, and a horrible tremor went through your body at the memory of the last time you attempted to shoot a bow. “You're ok, shh I got you" Joel said, while tucking you gently back into his chest, and wrapping you up in his arms. “Just listen to my voice baby, just me” and then he began slowly humming that song to you again.  

As he continued to comfort you, you felt him gently sway you back and forth, rubbing your back, and planting kisses to the top of your head. Your mind was so far in the past that you didn’t hear Joel tell Ellie to give you guys a few minutes alone. The only thing that you could hear was the ringing in your ears at a memory that you wanted to forget.  ‘Stupid bitch. *Smack* I'll teach you a fucking lesson. *Smack, Smack.*’  Even after all these years, you still could feel the sting on your skin from the abuse Dave did. As soon as you involuntarily flinched at the memory of a hard hand to your face, you felt Joel tighten his grip around you while saying "it's gone. He's gone. You're safe with me baby, shhh. It's ok," and then he went back to humming that song that you loved until the memory of Dave left you once again.

You didn't know how long you stood there embraced in Joel’s arms before you heard him say "do ya want me to sleep next to you tonight baby?" When you didn’t answer he pulled away and then gently tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. "Might make the bad nightmares stay away if I sleep next to you honey," he continued in a soothing voice. You had to admit, not sleeping next to Joel has made the nightmares come back with a vengeance. You haven't hardly slept in weeks, which meant you were more susceptible to bad dreams and horrible flashbacks.

"I don't want to be a burden on you," you said.

"Ain't a burden love, never have been."

"Joel I-" you began to say before Joel interrupted you.

"Come on, let's get you tucked into bed darlin,' you look exhausted." Joel then took your hand and led you into your bedroom, holding your hand the entire way. Once inside of your bedroom he quickly got you situated sitting on the bed. “Hang on a sec,” he said and then disappeared back down the hall.  After a few moments Joel reappeared with a worn out old flannel. He handed it to you and said "here, put this on. It’s mine and I know you like the way I smell."

Slightly embarrassed and turning a shade of red you took his flannel and said “thanks.” You did like how Joel smelled, but you didn’t think he knew it. “We both are getting comfortable tonight love” he said as he chucked a set of comfy pajamas for himself on the bed. 

"Wow, aren't we both domestic" you said, shaking your head at seeing Joel change into an old T-shirt and fuzzy pajama pants. 

“Yeah, well, I need it. And by the looks of ya, so do you darlin.’” Joel smirked as he unbuckled his pants and slowly took them off while looking at you. You knew you needed to turn away, but when you noticed Joel removing his boxers, you couldn't help but stare. God he was big. You could see that even in his softened state that his cock hung heavy between his legs. You didn't realize that you were staring with a slightly open mouth until you heard his Southern drawl.

“Baby, nothin’ good comes outta you looking at me like that. Come on, eyes up here darlin.’” Joel said teasing you.

You immediately felt embarrassed at what you were doing, starring at a grown man’s crotch.  Yes he was your boyfriend, but you didn’t have that type of relationship with him at the moment.  “Oh God Joel, I’m so sorry” you said, burying your head in your hands and turning 20 shades of red.

Joel chuckled and said “Baby, I love you looking. But I don't think it's the proper answer right now to our problems of lack of sleep between the both of us. So come on, let's get you changed and tucked into bed honey.”  When you didn’t move Joel walked up to you and gently grabbed your hands and said “Come on, arms up for me.”  When you slowly raised your arms above your head, Joel lifted your shirt up as you kept your eyes closed.

“Angel, open your eyes and look at me” he gently whispered.  When you did, you found that he met you with dark intense eyes, like a wolf who just found his prey. As you looked at him you noticed that he lightly licked his lips while he eye fucked you. You noticed that he slowly looked down your chest, tracing the curve of your breasts with his eyes.  When you unclasped your bra and let it fall to the floor, Joel just about fainted.  

“Fuuck” Joel growled, looking at you standing before him with nothing covering your chest. If he was a better man he'd turn around and give you privacy, but he wasn't. It had been too long since he had a beautiful woman standing before him half naked. When you slowly bent down and pulled off your pants and panties, Joel almost came right there on the spot. 

As you stood in front of Joel completely naked, you found yourself slowly tracing your hands along your curves. You cupped your breasts and said “do you want to touch them?” as you slowly twisted your nipple while letting out a soft moan. 

“Baby, you- you can’t do this. Fuck woman, I’m-I’m not gonna be able to-” Joel said, slowly reaching out to touch you, but stopping midway before he did. He wanted to put his hands overtop yours, to feel the softness of your plump breasts underneath his callused hands. But Joel knew he couldn't, while shaking his head he said in a low voice “look at me scolding ya about starring, and I’m doing no different. Finish getting dressed, and let's go to bed baby.”  

With a satisfied smirk you turned your back to place on his flannel, and then buttoned it up. You decided to forgo putting your bra back on. You grabbed a pair of clean black lace panties, a rare find but something that you were glad you found in storage. As you turned around you saw Joel staring at you wide eyed. “Baby, I- that’s not” he said, glancing between your chest and ass. He was trying to figure out how he was supposed to sleep next to you tonight, knowing you were practically naked next to him.

“Look here cowboy,” you said in a sarcastic tone. “I ain’t sleeping fully clothed so you can just fuck right off now if ya think I should.” When you approached your side of the bed, you froze.  Chewing on your lip for a moment you finally asked, “is it safe for us to be dressed like this and all relaxed Joel?” You stared down at yourself, picking at the edges of your clothes, thinking that how you were dressed was both silly and stupid. 

When Joel glanced over at you, he noticed your meek expression, lack of confidence, and the fact that you were chewing on your lip in a worried state.  Sleeping fully relaxed in this world wasn’t something anyone could afford to do anymore, but he knew it was something that you both desperately needed tonight.  "I put up new defenses around here. I also installed two deadbolt locks to the door. I think for one night we can let our guard down a bit. I don't know about you baby, but I need one night where I'm not on the fucking edge. I'm so wound up honey that I-”. That's when Joel saw it, fear mixed with longing behind your eyes, and that was a dangerous combination. With clearing his throat he added, “ya darlin’, it’s safe for tonight.”

Joel wasn't kidding about needing to be comfortable.  He had reading glasses, a book, and a lamp that was turned on, giving the room a soft glow.  When he sat down, he sat with his back against the wall. His rifle and his knife were set next to the bed, just in case. After he was situated, he looked over at you and said "come on baby, come to bed" while patting your side of the bed.

Shaking your head and giggling slightly you said, "I never would have thought in a million years that Mr. Joel Miller would actually say 'come on baby, come to bed.’ Kind of a special occasion, if ya ask me."

Joel glared at you and then quipped, "ok smartass, just lay down and don’t give me any more of your sass."

Smiling to yourself at his little quip, you laid down next to him, facing him. After you got situated, Joel tucked the blankets over you, bent down, and kissed the top of your head saying "now go to sleep baby." He then put his reading glasses on as he sat there and silently started reading to himself. 

As you laid there you listened to Joel slowly breathe. You focused on trying to match your breaths with his, and in time you felt yourself finally starting to relax. The longer Joel read, the more you saw his muscles unclench, and his brows unfurrow. You laid there curled up in his flannel, holding the sleeve up by your nose, while slowly inhaling his scent. Joel was right, you did love the way he smelled.  He smelled of pine, cinnamon, wood, and Joel.  An intoxicating scent that left your head spinning, but also something that you could describe as home. You were somewhat in a daze, thinking about stuff that has recently happened when all of a sudden you heard Joel say, "Ya need to stop thinking so hard." 

"What?" You said, slightly shaking your head in an attempt to focus.

"You're thinking too hard darlin’," he said, still reading his book.

"How am I thinking too hard?"

"Baby, you're breathing hard, shifting your legs, and sighing to yourself."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't realize that I was doing any of that" you replied in a meek voice.

"S'alright darlin'. What were ya thinking about anyways?" When you didn’t respond, Joel stopped and looked over at you. 

"Just wondering where you found those glasses" was all that you said.

Joel cocked his head saying "that’s bullshit darlin'. That's not what's got ya all twisted up. But to answer your question, I found these in the cellar outside. They're regular reading glasses, and just so happens they’re the type of ones I need.” Joel then returned to reading his book.  

You laid there quietly, chewing on your lip and thinking about some things that were bugging you a lot recently.  Somehow Joel must have seen you out of his peripheral vision as he said with a sigh, “So what are you really thinking 'bout?"

“Just wondering what you’re reading?” you said, pressing your thighs together, not wanting to voice your actual true concerns. Laying this close to Joel wasn’t helping your sex drive.  You haven’t been able to get yourself off recently due to how stressed out you were. But tonight your mind kept wandering to what Joel looked like when he changed in front of you, and you wondered how he'd feel again inside of you. You couldn't believe how delicious his cock looked, all hanging heavy between his legs.  You could practically feel the rush of arousal out of you when you saw him earlier. You didn’t think that telling Joel, nor asking for his help, would be appropriate tonight. You remembered how he dealt with your starring earlier.  He told you that you two shouldn't do anything, and for you to stop.

Joel looked over at you as you kept shifting under the covers. He knew that you really didn't want to know what he was reading. But Joel wasn’t in the mood to argue with you tonight. Replying with a bit more sarcasm than he intended Joel said, “a book darlin.’ I’m reading a damn book.”

“No shit sherlock, I know you’re reading a book Joel” you said with a sarcastic eye roll.  After a moment of shifting around uncomfortably again you added, “can you, um, maybe read it to me out loud?”

Joel froze and looked over at you. “Darlin’, this ain’t one of those types of books.”

“I know what type of book it is Joel, Jesus. I know the author. She likes little Westerns that have two people- um. You know they- uh. They-

“Fuck.” Joel said, finally looking down at you with one eyebrow raised.

“W-what?” you said, looking back up at him with innocent eyes.

“She has them fuck darlin’, is that what you’re trying so hard not to say? You're fumbling with your words and acting worse than a toddler trying to talk.” he said, while closing the book and looking at you. 

“Jesus Joel, an asshole much?” you snapped, completely turning red at his reference. Tonight was just not your night, so you turned away from Joel and laid there facing the other direction. You mumbled under your breath “you know, you can just fuck off. You don’t even understand what it feels like to not have someone want to fuck you, or to not be able to get yourself off.” 

If Joel had to describe your mood tonight it would be moody, emotional, and down right irritating.  Of course he understood what it was like to want to be with someone.  Jesus, you were wearing his flannel with black panties on with no bra.  He hadn’t had sex with anyone, specifically you, in months. He's attempted to get himself off, but again hasn't been able to. He also understood what it felt like to be frustrated, and God damnit, he wanted to smack some sense into your ass at that statement you just said. God help me, this woman is trying my fucking patience tonight, he thought.

For the next several minutes you heard Joel silently turning the pages of his book.  Usually the silence wouldn't bother you, but tonight your nerves were on fire. All you wanted was for your so-called boyfriend to kiss you, make out with you, do something to take away these weird feelings that you had. You were hopeful that laying in bed next to him was going to lead to maybe some other things.  Hell, that’s why you agreed to lay next to him in the first place. But apparently Joel wasn’t interested.  Truth be told, he never really was interested in you anymore.  So with another big sigh, you realized that you were just going to be sexually frustrated for a while. Yeah, great, fucking perfect.

Joel was attempting to unwind by reading the book he held.  God, he was wired.  He was so turned on and sexually frustrated by watching you earlier that he wanted nothing more than to bury his aching cock deep within your warm walls. He could practically smell your arousal tonight, the honey sweet aroma that he knew and grew to love. He thought reading a simple Western would help him calm his nerves.  What he didn’t realize was that the author wrote a lot of graphic sex scenes in the book. And those graphic sex scenes weren't helping his frustration nor the hard on he had for you.

After a moment of contemplating, and hearing you sigh once again, he decided to say fuck it, and read out loud to you.  What’s the worst that could happen, he thought, if anything maybe tonight I’ll finally get fucking laid.  So with a big inhale, and deep exhale, Joel started reading to you out loud.  

“After a night of blissful romance, by morning’s first light he was gone again. She could tell by the way the growing baby in her belly was kicking, that it missed their Papa as much as she missed her strong man. She tried convincing herself that he’d be back before winter, but she knew deep in her heart that was not the case.  Winter turned into spring, and with it, came the birth of her son, Joshua.  Giving birth was hard, especially when her man wasn’t by her side. But the neighbor lady, a woman who had 5 children, helped her with the process. Then one day when Joshua was 3 months old, a familiar Southern drawl came from across the room “fuck darlin’, ain’t you beautiful.”

As Joel read out loud, you turned back around to face him.  You glanced up and saw how his natural curls slowly swayed at the turn of each page. How he’d use his tongue to gently lick his finger right before he’d turn the page. You also saw how Joel would periodically lick his lower lip, as a way to moisten it as he slowly read out loud to you.

“He watched her from across the room as she fed his son. After not being around a woman for many months, he found the soft suckling noises, and the light bounce of her breast, as his son fed to be something exotic.  He slowly felt himself become hard at watching her nurse him.  There was something so incredibly sexy about a woman feeding his child, and he was desperate for proper release.  He found a chair in the corner of the room and slowly took a seat.  He quietly palmed his cock in his jeans at the sight of you.” 

 “When he watched you switch sides, he nearly exploded in his pants.  You left your other breast hanging out of your bra.  It swung heavy, gentle side to side motions as you rocked your son. He studied it, the curve and slope of your engorged tits. He saw a little bit of milk drip out from where his son had just finished feeding from you. God, he wanted to walk over there and pick up your heavy breasts and massage them.  He knew they hurt you, being twice the size from what they normally were, he could see how much they made you ache.  He also wanted to taste you, to lick the little drop of milk off from them, and then finish milking you dry with his mouth.  He wanted to taste the warm, wet rush of milk in his mouth as he suckled from you, nipped you, and got you to moan for him.  He knew your breasts were always so sensitive, but right now he knew he could get you to cum just by nursing from you himself. Feeling himself strain hard against his pants, he slowly unzipped himself and took out his aching member.” 

Joel stopped and took a deep breath to steady himself before reading on.  God his cock was fully erect right now, leaking precum and throbbing against the sheet.  He wanted you to put your mouth on it, to touch it, something to help relieve the desperate need and ache that he felt.  In an attempt to get this situation under control, before he made a fool of himself, he said in a breathy pant, “maybe uh, maybe we shouldn’t finish this darlin’, It ah, shit, it kinda gets really vulgar in a second.”

“Finish reading the fucking chapter Joel, please,” you said with a rush to your voice. When he glanced at you he could tell that you were just as worked up. You were sweating, your eyes were closed and your legs were closed tight.  You slowly rocked back and forth, trying to find a little bit of relief for the tension that was building fast in your core. God you two needed to blow off some steam together and soon. 

“Look here little girl” Joel said with a bite to his voice. “Don’t go and snap at me cause you’re fucking frustrated. I won’t keep readin’ if ya can’t be nice.” Joel then noticed you shuffle underneath the sheets, putting your hand in-between your legs, and pressing your legs together again while whispering “sorry, it’s just hard.”

As Joel sat there he watched how hard you were pressing your thighs together, gently rocking yourself into your hand. Fuck, you looked hot and bothered, and he was hard as hell.  He wanted to see how far you’d go to relieving yourself, so he continued reading out loud. 

“Up and down he stroked his cock, working himself up. He noticed a good amount of precum drip from his slit at the sight of the woman nursing. When she looked over at him he growled low saying, ‘when you’re done with him, you’re gonna come on over here and bounce on this dick properly darlin’.”

“After she was done nursing, and had put the babe down to bed, she slowly sauntered over to the man in the room. She had no intention of riding him, but she couldn’t help with how worked up she’d been, and how long it had been since she had a man between her legs.  She found herself straddling him and very slowly lowering herself down on his cock. When she was fully sheathed she started moving back and forth, up and down, and then back and forth. She worked him hard, giving him everything that she could with her hips, fucking him like she’d never see him again. The more she worked him, the more she felt that familiar coil tighten deep within her belly as her tits swayed and bounced in his face.”

“‘I feel it darlin’, keep fucking going’ he said as he started helping her rock faster into him and attaching his mouth to her nipple. When he bit down she yelped, saying ‘fuck yes, harder.’ He smiled as he continued to lick, nip, and suck her gorgeous swollen tits. He started meeting her thrust for thrust, jack hammering up into her, chasing his own high. ‘Why did I stop fucking this’ he said, moaning into her as he felt her walls flutter around him.

“‘Mama, I know you're close. Come on, give it to me’ he growled, grinding her hard on him. One, two, three hard thrusts in and she felt her coil snap hard in her stomach. She felt a gush of fluid rush his cock and then he tipped over the edge growling in her ear. He continued thrusting as he worked them both through their highs, grunting each other’s names in the process. As soon as they were done, he picked her up and took her to bed where he showed her what being home truly meant. They both tipped over the edge multiple times into eternal bliss, needing each other for forever more.”

When Joel finished reading the chapter he closed the book and heard himself panting hard. He looked over at you and saw that you had your eyes closed and was slowly rocking back and forth with your hand in-between your legs again panting hard. Fuck you looked hot.  As soon as you noticed Joel had stopped reading your eyes snapped open and you glared at him with blown out pupils.  

“Maybe uh-maybe we should uh-”

“Goodnight Joel” you whispered while you rolled over and laid there in silence. Joel just looked at you puzzled, about to ask if you wanted to maybe do something when you said “please turn out the light, I’m kinda tired and wanna go to bed.”

“Yeah sure” he said, turning out the light and slipping down into the bed.  Joel laid there staring at the ceiling, thinking when he said “do you wanna-”

“No, goodnight Joel.”

“Yeah, ok. Goodnight darlin.’” Joel laid there confused, not understanding what had happened. He didn’t know if you were embarrassed at him seeing you worked up or if he somehow hurt your feelings.  After laying in silence for a bit he was going to ask if you were ok.  But before he did, he heard you say “before you asked what I was thinking, I was just thinking what we're gonna do once we find Tommy. Like where do I go? Do I live with you or am I supposed to be on my own or what?”

Joel didn’t answer right away, as he didn't know the answer. This was something that the two of you hadn’t discussed. He wanted you to stay with him, but he didn’t want to force you to stay either.  Apparently his lack of communication right now upset you.  “Just forget I asked,” you said. “I'll just figure it out myself."  And with that you fell into a deep sleep.  But as you started to dream, your mind decided to recall a memory that you truly wanted to never remember again…

Dreamstate- Flashback to Boston, QZ- 5 years prior 

(graphic content)...if you want to skip this section go to “flashback end” in bold below to pick up the regular story again. Please read warnings before proceeding reading flashback, this is very dark content.

“You’re so fucking stupid, how can you not be able to do this. Like every dumb idiot can shoot a bow, well everyone except for you.” Dave snarled at you when you couldn’t even pull back the bow.

“Well I don’t know Dave, maybe teach me how to do it instead of ridiculing me. Like what the fuck is wrong with you, why are you acting like this? You’re supposed to be my boyfriend” you said, snapping at him.

“Boyfriend? Nope, I’m not your boyfriend” he said with venom, as he downed the last of the amber liquid in the glass bottle.  “Boyfriends are people you care about, and you honestly don’t give a fuck about me. So why should I care about you in return? You’re just a stupid liability that I have to deal with, and one that I can’t seem to get rid of.”

You watched Dave drink, knowing what was in store for you tonight. When Dave drank, he usually became violent with you. It was a standard routine that the two of you had, and one you were honestly sick of. You wanted out, that was for certain. You wanted to get as far away from this piece of shit guy as you could.

In order to cope and deal with the fact that you hated your life, and that you wanted out and away from Dave, you took another job. You were smuggling goods secretly on the black market of the QZ and Joel Miller was the man that you were working with. Tess, Joel’s partner, had approached you after she had seen bruises on your arms during your normal QZ job. Dave usually never gave you any bruises that people could visually see. But something recently happened, and he no longer cared.  So you walked around with bruises, where the world could see who you belonged to. When Tess saw this, it angered the hell out of her. So much so that she introduced you to Joel, in an attempt to help you earn enough money to get out and away from Dave.

“If you wanna get out of there, you come talk to me or Joel, and we’ll get you out, understand?” Tess said while working a shift with you. All you did was nod your head, but you didn't take her up on her offer until Dave broke your collarbone. That's the night you went to see Tess at home. She helped clean you up and then let you stay over. 

When Joel got home he said “what’s she doing here?” while pointing at you.

“She's spending the night Joel, she got roughed up a bit and needed care.”

Joel approached you and lightly grabbed your chin, examining the bruise that was forming on the side of your lip. “Better get some ice on that darlin’ before it swells.” That night Joel slept on the couch and insisted that Tess and you took the bed.

You started doing odd jobs on the side for Tess and Joel. Joel never questioned you of why you wanted the side jobs. Just like he never questioned you of why you had bruises on your arms or hickies on your neck.  The time you showed up with a swollen black eye though he said, “darlin’ it ain’t right what he’s doing, no guy is worth that.”

As Dave's anger increased, so did the extra jobs.  Tess and Joel threw every side job they had at you in an attempt to help you get enough money to leave. Finally after months of pulling double shifts, you had enough money to leave. This made you happy as you no longer had to feel afraid of Dave anymore, but you were so wrong. 

“You know what Dave, fine” you yelled snapping back at him. “I can’t keep doing this with you. I’ll just pack up my shit and-”

“Don’t flatter yourself Y/N, you know you ain’t leaving, where would you even go?” he said, baiting you.

“Anyplace other than with you Dave, so just fuck o-” 

“Where you just about to tell me to fuck off?” Dave said, sneering at you.  “Bad move honey. I may not be a genius, but I ain’t stupid. I found your extra stash of money, real sweet hiding it in a sock” Dave said while holding up the sock.  

Dave reached in and grabbed the wad of money that you had earned. When he started the money on fire with a lighter you yelled “what the fuck are you doing Dave? My god, don’t burn that.” You lunged at the sock to try to put out the fire.

Dave kept pushing you back until all the money was burnt to ash. You fell to your knees defeated and angry that he'd take this last bit from you. You heard him laugh behind you saying, “think again sweetheart, you ain’t goin’ nowhere. Now get the fuck up.” 

When you stood up you felt anger and bile rise up from the pit of your stomach. That was almost a year's worth of pay down the drain. You had pulled extra shifts, did side jobs, sometimes almost died, trying to save up enough money to leave. You put up with Dave’s shit, allowing him to mark you with his mouth when you hated the very sight of him, just so you could get up and do another job for cash. Now the asshole burned it up like ash, just so he could watch you seethe in anger. He didn’t care if he had extra money, money meant nothing to Dave. Power is what Dave craved. If money that you earned was going to take his power away from him, he'd burn it up just to make sure you'd lose all control.

When you turned around you didn’t care about playing nice anymore. When you first got to know Dave, you thought that he was someone who cared. You quickly found out that was a lie. “You’re an asshole” you yelled, smacking him hard across the face.  As soon as you smacked him you watched his eyes glaze over, and then the other side of him came out. 

“Ok, fine bitch. You wanna play like that, then let’s fucking play like that.” Your vision blurred as Dave hit you across the face. You then felt him hit you again, and again, and again, and again. When his one hand got tired, he then switched to the other but this time with a closed fist. You tried to fight back, but the more you struggled, the more he pinned you down on the ground. With both of his knees on either side of your arms, you couldn’t move. You eventually tried to relax, knowing that the more you fought the worse it was going to be. But this didn't stop him.

“You know,” Dave said, “I think I’m just gonna just take what I need this time from you. You seem to always run your fucking mouth off, saying you want to be my girlfriend, so why not take what's mine, right?” You then felt the rip of your jeans beneath you. You tried to fight him off, realizing what he was after, and what he was going to do. Dave and you had never had sex, and that was something that he always hated. 

“Dave you can’t, please, don’t. I’ll stay. Just don’t do that, don’t take that from me” you yelled as tears streamed down your face as you tried to fight him off. You fought for your life, because honestly it felt like this was it. But the more you fought the angrier he got until you felt the snap of your ankle, and then the searing pain that went with it. He broke your ankle so you couldn’t run away. You then felt him take his knife and cut you deep on your thigh, right up by your mound as he said “gonna make sure this is deep enough, so you have a scar here forever to remember who the fuck you belong to.”

You tried to fight him, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t get him off of you. And then finally you felt it, the searing pain in your groin as Dave forced himself all the way into you. He took the last bit of innocence that you had, you were now truly broken. 

You laid there crying, sobbing, wishing that death would take you. You must have been making too much noise because you felt Dave's hand on your mouth with a knife at your throat, yelling “shut the fuck up.”  You thought ‘please, just cut me and let me die here’ as you heard Dave moan above you. He continued to take what he thought belonged to him.

“Fuck, why have you denied this to me for so long, huh?” he said. You knew it wasn’t a question that he wanted answered, it was just something he was saying. “Gonna do this every fucking day now with you, Jesus. Fuck, will you at least stop fucking crying and pretend to at least enjoy this” he said, as you felt another smack across your face. You turned your face away from him so only your bad eye was upright, the one he beat hard with a fist. You didn’t want to look at him with the side of your face that you could still see out of. 

You laid there and tried to will the tears to stop, but they never did. You felt him tighten his hand around your throat as he squeezed the life out of it. “Fucking look at me, I know little lady you can still see out of one eye, not that fucking stupid. You look at who owns you, you hear me” he yelled, as he yanked your face towards him. When you looked up at Dave, you saw the monster that he truly was.  Somehow in the last few years a man who was kind and gentle to you turned into someone who was this. You thought that maybe this was him all along. You tried to convince yourself of that as a way of coping. 

As he continued you suddenly felt your head get dizzy from the lack of oxygen. You knew that you were done. That this was the day you were going to die. There was no more compassion in Dave’s face anymore, only a monster that was going to kill. You’ve seen this look in his eyes when he's killed other people before, so you knew you were next. 

As you laid there accepting your fate you heard a deep voice yell “what the fuck are you doing, get the fuck off from her.”  You saw Dave get yanked off from you by someone, but you didn't know who. 

“Mind your own fucking business, old man” you heard Dave yell back in return. You then heard a struggle followed by three soft bangs of a gun. It was a gun that had a silencer on it, you knew this because it was sold on the blackmarket of the QZ, and Dave usually carried a gun with a silencer on it. 

As you laid still you heard the person who shot the gun approach. At first you thought it was Dave, that he was coming back over to finish what he started. But when you heard the Texan drawl of “darlin’ are you ok?” the flood gates opened up and you fell apart. You knew that voice anywhere, the voice of Joel Miller.

Joel kneeled down by you as he gently sat you up. “Are you ok?” he said, looking you over to see what was all wrong. When he noticed the blood that was coming from in-between your legs, he shrugged off his flannel shirt, wrapped it around you and said, “ok, come on. Let’s get you outta here, and get ya cleaned up.” He then picked you up and carried you back to his house. 

Once you were cleaned up Joel got you situated and laid you down on his bed. Tess wasn't home, she was out working according to Joel. In an effort to try to get you to sleep, Joel laid you on your side and tucked you tight into his chest. One leg went in-between your legs, and he slowly stroked soothing circles on your back saying “it’s okay honey, I got ya and nothing bad is ever gonna happen, just breathe.” He started humming that little tune that you’d come to know and  love so well…Flashback end

Back to Regular Story

“y/n. Y/n. Y/N” you heard Joel yell, but it sounded muffled to your ears.  The only thing that you could hear was the pounding of your heartbeat and the labored breathing that you were doing. “I can’t do this, he hates me, he wants to hurt me, I’m all alone" was all that you said out loud, still stuck someplace inside of your nightmare.  You were drowning in anxiety, breaking out in a cold sweat, and not realizing that you were still in fact dreaming.

“Baby, wake up” Joel yelled, shaking you as he tried to get you out of the nightmare.  You haven’t had this kind of a nightmare for a long time, and this fact burned hot in Joel’s chest.  He didn’t want you remembering the past, remembering the night that he killed Dave. He knew that’s the nightmare you were having because you always said words like “please don't take that Dave, don't cut me. I'll be good, I promise” and finally you'd yell “please just kill me, I wanna go home,” like you were doing right now. If that son of a bitch was still alive, I’d kill that motherfucker yet again, Joe thought to himself.

Joel was rubbing your arms and trying to wake you up as you started to thrash in the sheets. “Baby come on, come on honey it’s me, you gotta wake up” he said, feeling his heart ache at you trying to run away in your dream with your eyes still closed.  All of a sudden you sat up in bed and let out a blood curdling scream, clothes drenched slick with sweat, and body shaking all over.  As soon as your eyes flew open you saw Joel was sitting upright, right in front of you. He grabbed you and held you saying “baby I’m here, I'm here. You’re safe. No one’s hurting you. It all was just a bad dream honey, all of it. It was just a bad dream.”

“Joel” you said, shaking, touching his face, not believing that it was really him and that he was there.  “Dave, he, he-” 

“Shhh baby, c’mere, I gotcha honey, I gotcha” Joel said while wrapping his arms around you and tightly holding you against his chest. “He’s gone baby, he’s gone. Shhh.” Joel felt the tremors and aftershocks go through your entire body, up your spine, as you came down from your nightmare.  Joel slowly rocked you back and forth, and side to side, humming to you and reassuring you that you were alright. 

"Baby, can you look at me." Joel said with the gentlest voice, after humming to you and rocking you for a while. When you opened your eyes you saw him look at you with the softest eyes. Your lip quivered hard as your tears kept falling. Why are men cruel, why do they always hurt me, and why can't anyone love me? you thought to yourself. What you didn't realize was that you voiced your thoughts out loud, and Joel heard them. You tried to calm yourself down, but your throat burned. After taking a few breaths to steady yourself you felt the world start to spin on its axis. Your heart raced and you felt the sob that you were trying to hold back escape your mouth.

 "Oh baby, c’mere." Joel said as he grabbed your head and tucked you into the crook of his neck. He started humming to you that song again that you knew so well, the one he hummed that first night to you.

"It-it’s so beau-beautiful. Wh-what song is that?" you asked as you slowly finished crying yourself out. 

"I used to hum it to Sarah when she was little. It's a song I wrote before she was born." Joel said as he wrapped his arms tighter around you, holding you firmer to his chest to protect you.

"It truly is beautiful, Joel." 

"Yeah she is beautiful. She's right here in my arms, and she's all mine." Joel said while he rubbed your back.

"Joel I-"

Joel pulled back and cupped your face in his large callused hands while slowly swiping your tears away. "Y/n, let me get this out first baby, okay? I care so much about you baby, truly I do. It destroys me to see you like this. That fucker, Dave, he’s gone. Ya hear me? You gotta stop letting him in like this. No more baby, ok? Now c’mere.”

Joel then laid you down on the bed and tucked you into him, the same way he did that first night. “I'm not him mama, I never have been.” Joel continued to brush your tears away while whispering in your ear "stop cryin' baby. You forever have a home with me, for as long as you want it, Ellie too.”

“But for how long” you say muffled into his chest. Joel pulled you away and looked at you to continue, not understanding what you meant.

“How long do I have a home Joel?  Am I gonna be the roommate that gets to watch you bring women back to your house and fuck them in your bed? Is your bed ever going to be our bed, or am I just the person you're forced to be with? Am I just a fucking doormat that you hurt over and over again Joel, someone you fucking forget because you're too afraid of feeling something. ‘She's too young, he's too old, you can't be together, it's wrong.’ It'll be worse than David. You're gonna hur-hurt me w-worse than he did. Why can't you just love me?" There it was, in the broken silence of the room, that you told Joel your biggest fear.

Joel couldn't believe it, that you didn't understand his feelings for you. You weren't a doormat, and he sure as hell wasn't that good for nothing David. "Baby, you ain't ever gonna be a doormat, ok. I honestly don't give a fuck what people think if we're together. They can all just fuck off if they don't like it, including my brother Tommy. You and Ellie, you're my whole life, and nothing is ever gonna change that" Joel said, holding you tight to his chest. 

After holding you tight for a few minutes he then pulled back and said “I'm committed to being yours, ya hear me? Fuck mama, you feel that" he said while slowly grinding his hard bulge into your pelvis. You both let out a low moan at the sensation. The two of you were both so worked up from this back and forth edging that has been happening that any little friction sent you both over the edge into wanting to fuck the other person bad. 

While looking at you, Joel adjusted the angle of his pelvis and ground down a little more into you. You could feel his entire outline of his cock right now, and God he felt good, and was rock hard. "You do this to me mama, just you. No one else. So quit your fussin' about it. Ya hear me? It's only you that I want in my fucking bed and no one else" he said with another delicious grind of his hips. 

“It's you that I want.” *hip grind* “It's you that makes me happy.” *hip grind* “It's you that I wanna spend my life with.” *hip grind* “And it's you that I wanna fuck.” And with that admittance Joel crashed his lips into yours and kissed you with a deep hunger that he felt for you. As he skimmed your bottom lip, you opened your mouth to grant him easy access. 

You both were so worked up that you couldn't stand it anymore. “Baby please” you panted. “Please, Joel, please.”

Hearing you say his name all wanton and needy like that unlocked something deep within his body. He had a primal urge now to have you. Joel quickly grabbed your shirt and ripped it open, which sent the buttons flying everywhere. He didn't care though, he desperately needed you. 

Joel quickly started to devour your chest. Grabbing, sucking, and biting your nipples in a heated frenzy. He grabbed one of your legs and hitched it higher up on his hip to open you up. In a heated mess, Joel grabbed your thigh by the permanent scar that David had left. He dug his fingers into it while whispering in your ear “I'm gonna fucking mark you as mine properly, baby.” And that's when he felt it, you froze and started breathing erratically.

Joel slowly pulled back, realizing what he just did. He looked at you and saw a mixture of want and fear across your face. He just realized that you weren't fully out of your nightmare in your head. “Baby, I- I didn't mean it the way that came out.”

“I know” was all you said, taking a slow shaky breath. 

“Fuck” Joel groaned as he sat up, dragging a hand down his face at his fuck up that he just did. “You know, I'd love a fucking smoke right about now” he said out loud, more to himself than you.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Joel asked.

“Why do you wanna have a cigarette now? Don't people usually smoke after sex, not when this shit happens” you say, jestering in-between the two of you.

“I don't know, maybe cause I'm embarrassed and now nervous.”

“Wh-”

“Are we now playing 20 fucking questions, y/n. Jesus.” Joel said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“No Joel we're not” you snap. “I'm just trying to understand and salvage this fucking night. So why did you stop?”

“I think that's pretty obvious by the look you're still giving me.”

“What look?”

“Jesus, we are playing 20 questions. Y/n, just-”

“So help me God Joel, if you fucking tell me to leave it or drop it I swear to God, that the knife that is on your side of the bed will be stuck in your damn heart. So unless you wanna truly die tonight, I suggest you fucking start talking.” you said, snapping hard at Joel.

Joel looked down at you with a smirk on his face. There was that attitude that he knew and loved from you. Your anger and frustration was like an amazing fire, one that if Joel wasn't careful, would burn him to death. But the longer he sat there tonight, looking at you, the more he truly didn't care. He'd welcome the chance to get burned by your flames tonight. At least it’d make him feel alive, and that's something that he hasn't truly felt for a long time. 

“I'd like to see you try it” Joel said, bending down to whisper close to you. “I don't think you have the fucking guts to do it.”  As the stare down between Joel and you continued, you noticed that Joel widened his smirk. “Just as I thought,” he said, “you don't have the guts. You're all talk, and no fucking do y/n. And I'm not surprised. I honestly thought that you'd have the guts to do what you needed to do to survive. Apparently I was wrong.”

Joel knew he was playing a deadly game with you. But he didn't care, he wanted to snap you out of this problem you kept having thinking that you weren't good enough for him. So if he had to bite hard and yank hard on the Lion's tail to get a reaction, then that's what he was going to do.  After a brief moment of hesitation, Joel saw something snap inside of you. In a blink of an eye he watched your calm exterior morph into something like an intense rage. You flung yourself on him and grabbed his knife. The two of you wrestled for a moment until Joel was finally on his back, his hands up in surrender as you held the knife to his throat. 

Joel laid there with blown out pupils watching you. This form of anger turned him on, and made his dick twitch in his pants. Apparently you did have the balls to take him on. As Joel laid there he watched your outer exterior falter, and watched you start to second guess yourself. “Do it,” Joel said. “Y/n if you're gonna do it, don't think about it, just do it” he growled.

“I-I” you said, shaking your head.

“Come on baby, just do it” he said, looking at you with concern in his eyes as yours welled up with tears. “Baby, if you think that all men are like Dave, then fucking slice my throat. Let me go see my daughter, let me have my baby girl back. Just do it.” To emphasize his point Joel grabbed your wrist and pushed the knife into his neck more, but not where it was cutting him yet.

“Why?” you sobbed holding tight to the knife, but not letting go. “Why beg me, why not just do it yourself if you don't want to be here? Why do you need me?”

When Joel looked into your soft eyes it was then that he knew you couldn’t see it. That you couldn’t see that he loved you.  He didn’t want to open his heart and say those three little words yet, but he felt it. He loved you. But he, himself, was also drowning in emotion at this fact, just like you were.

“Baby, if you can’t see why, then I’ve really fucked up. If ya can't see why I want you darlin’, then I don’t deserve you in my life. I’m not Dave honey, I never have been, nor ever will be.  If you can’t see that then please honey, just let me go and see my daughter. I don’t want to be in a world where you think I’m a fucking monster. Please.”

Joel could see the war that was going on in your head, the struggle of wanting to say that every guy was like Dave and then not.  You knew that Joel was nothing like Dave, but still you couldn't be sure. Joel was moody, quiet, and sometimes cold. But even in the coldest of moments Joel still found compassion for you. He looked out for you and even protected you by killing Dave, when Dave attempted to take everything from you. Truth is, you were scared to death. You were scared to death to give yourself completely to someone else for fear that he'd do exactly what Dave did. That he'd lie and then destroy you.

As you sat there straddling Joel, holding the knife to his throat, you felt a horrible burn collect in the back of your throat. Eventually you couldn't hold it in any longer and a horrible sob escaped your mouth. Your mind was fighting hard to break free from the abuse that had happened from Dave.  

Joel could see you struggle with these emotions, as you wore them plain as day on your skin, unable to hide them. When Joel felt your grip on the knife falter he gently grabbed you and flipped you on your back. “I don’t want to be in a world where you hate me darlin’” Joel said, while putting the knife down and grabbing your hip to hitch it higher to open you up.  He slowly moved his one hand down to trace the outline of your slit through your panties, his other hand held your hands above your head.

“You're denched, baby” Joel whispered as he rested his forehead against yours while slowly circling your clit on the outside of your panties.  “I don’t want to live in a fucking world where someone else gets to touch this mama.”  Joel slowly moved from your clit down to the center of your weeping hole and then back up to your clit. 

“Fuck baby, I need you” Joel said, panting at how turned on he felt.  “Something tells me that you need me too” and with that Joel yanked your panties to the side as he crashed his lips onto yours. He quickly made fast work on your clit, alternating between feather light tickles to heavy circles.

“We're going to stop working each other up darlin’” Joel said, making fast work of your clit. “I can’t do it anymore baby. I fucking need you.” And with that admittance Joel deepened his kiss.  You two sat like that. Joel overtop of you holding your wrists above your head, while he slowly licked into your mouth with his tongue. Meanwhile his other hand kept circling your clit, trying to give you release.

“Joel, please I need to-”

“I know baby, I know.  Let it happen, honey. Trust me, I got you. Let go.” And with that Joel felt your clit swell then spasm hard as your back arched off the bed. You sobbed and bucked your hips up hard against his hand, chasing your high, moaning Joel's name.  When overstimulation started Joel released your hands and started to just rock back and forth into you. Grinding his hard bulge into your drenched heat. Joel had removed his hand from your clit, and placed it on your head, to caress your head. He also continued to deepen his kiss in your mouth. The two of you sat there for several minutes, exploring each other's mouth while Joel slowly rocked his hips into you.

Joel kept rocking into you, showing you how much he cared, how much he loved you.  He couldn't say the words yet to you, soon, I'll tell her soon, he thought. The longer he made out with you, the more you both started to pant. You moved your hand down and slid Joel's pants off his hips as you started rubbing his swollen member. “Aw darlin', fuck” Joel said when you wrapped your hand around his head and gently squeezed. “Please baby, don't tease. I can't, I can't, fuck mama, don't tease me,” Joel panted and begged you to continue.

“Baby, shhh” you said as you stilled your movements. You immediately heard Joel groan in frustration, with his eyes closed, and his forehead touching yours. “Don’t worry baby, I’m gonna take real good care of you.”  With looking down at Joel you noticed that he was throbbing hard against your hand.  “Jesus Joel, does that hurt baby?” you asked running your thumb gently over the swollen reddened tip.  As you did you heard Joel let out a hiss at the sensation. “I’m gonna take care of this baby, I’ll make it feel better” you cooed, slowly stroking him again.

“God please” Joel begged, breathless, panting hard when he looked into your eyes.

��What? What do you need Joel, tell me honey and I’ll do it.”

After a few more slow twists of your hand at the reddened tip of his cock you heard Joel let out a strangled groan followed by a breathy “Don't. Fa-fucking. St-Stop.”

“I won't, baby, if you promise to use your fingers. Joel fingers- ah- f-fuck me with your fingers. I want them deep baby. I promise though, I won’t stop touching you” you said panting.

Joel quickly shifted and yanked your panties all the way down.  He also quickly removed his shirt, and finished taking off his pants the rest of the way. He wanted to feel skin on skin contact with you. When he looked at you he saw that you had blown wide pupils. “Come here and let me fuck you with my hand, Joel” you said in a sultery voice.

“Fuck woman, if ya talk like that you’re gonna kill me” Joel said, panting and quickly getting situated back between your legs.  

Joel and you quickly found a rhythm. You stroked him while he fingered you. Joel also explored you with his mouth, kissing you passionately.  The longer it went, the more the two of you were panting heavily and rutting hard against each other.

“God Joel, baby I need-”

“What do you need darlin’, come on tell me- fuck” he said moaning as you stroked him faster.

“I need to come Joel, I need it so bad” you whined.

“You’re gonna cum for me darlin’, gonna give me another one?”

“Joel fuck, baby” you said as Joel pulled your leg up to widen you out for him.  He reached deep within you at the spongy part inside and your eyes rolled back in your head with a long moan.  

“Yeah mama, daddy knows where that fucking G-spot is.  Come on baby, soak daddy’s fingers with that beautiful pussy.  Pretend it’s my cock darlin’.  Come on, soak ‘em” Joel said growling in your ear as he picked up the pace fucking you hard and fast in your drenched tight hole.  He added a second finger and your eyes rolled back in your head, hand stumbling trying to stroke his cock fast through it.

“Joel I can’t” you said as you attempted to relax with pleasure, plus try to get him off.

“Let me do it mama, just hold your hand on my cock and I’ll do the rest.  I’ll fuck your hand as I fuck this pussy full with my fingers.  Pretend I’m inside of you baby, now come on, let daddy fuck ya good.”

Joel picked up the pace, rutting hard into your hand chasing his own high.  “Fuck baby, god you feel so damn good, mama. I haven’t- fuck- I haven’t fucked myself since I came in that pretty little pussy last time” Joel admitted out loud.

“Oh baby, fuck. Right there. Joel, honey, you need to come. Damn it. Come on Joel, you need to come with me, I'm almost there.  God, Joel. Blow your load on me, let me see it.”

“Filthy fucking woman” Joel growled, snapping his hand and hips hard into you.  “Filthy fucking mouth, I’m gonna fuck that beautiful mouth real soon. Make you take my cock all the way back like you’re meant to.  Fuck y/n, I’m close, you’re gonna need to come soon darlin’, I can’t wait much longer.”  You felt Joel’s thrusts become sloppy in your hands, so you added a bit of pressure and started moving your wrist faster to get him there sooner.

“Fuck- babe. Shit, I’m gonna, fuck I’m gonna-” Joel said while putting his forehead against yours as he came with a loud groan.

“Come Joel, come for me baby” you said while you felt him swell and then release his cum all over your hand and stomach. You followed him over the edge with your own release, coating his fingers as he kept pumping them in and out of you.  

When Joel finally found release he felt his vision go white as his balls drained of all his pent up anger, frustration, and energy that he had from not being able to come since the last time you two had sex. As he came he heard himself swearing while gently rocking back and forth into your hand as white rope after white rope of his seed came out of him.  When his cock was finally spent, and he started to soften, he opened his eyes.

“Hey you” you said as you both came back down to Earth.  “You ok, did I do that ok? Was I too-”

“Baby, stop. That was- fuck woman. That was amazing.” Joel said as he continued to slowly pant, trying to get his breathing under control.

“Good,” you said while kissing his forehead, “I’m glad you liked it.”

“How about you?” Joel said while picking his head up and slowly removing his fingers from your soaked cunt. “Did that-”

“Fuck Joel, that felt amazing” you said while laughing and blushing. 

“Good baby, so glad to hear.” he said, giving you a slow kiss to your mouth. When he was done he rolled onto his back and slowly calmed his breathing.

“We’re a mess Joel” you said laughing at how soaked you and him were with both sweat and both of your releases.  

“Give me a minute for the blood to go back to my brain honey, and then I’ll get up and get us a towel to clean up with.”

“Has it really been that long for you? That you haven’t come since we had sex in the woods a few months back?” you asked while you gently nudged him.

“I said that out loud? Fuck” Joel said with a groan.  “Yeah baby, it is, or was,” he said while sitting up and slowly standing up. Joel exited the room and went to the bathroom to clean up.  After he was done cleaning himself up he came in with a wet washcloth and a dry towel and slowly cleaned you up.  When he was finished he placed them in the dirty clothes pile, making a mental note to make sure he washed them in the sink with soap and water later.

He laid down next to you in bed, still panting as he slowly came down from his high. He only had his pajama pants on, and not his t-shirt.  You had already grabbed his t-shirt and had put it on.  “C’mere” he said while pulling you close to him and tucking you on your side, against his chest.

As you laid there and listened to him breathing, you heard that it was starting to slow and even out.  “Did you mean what you said?” you gently whispered into the night.

“About what?” Joel said, with sleep lacing his voice.

“That I’m not a doormat, that you want me to stay with you, and that you only want me in your bed?”  After Joel didn't respond you said “just forget that I-”

With a sigh Joel said, “Baby.” When you didn’t acknowledge him, he gripped you tighter saying “y/n.” Finally when you looked up at his face you saw that he was looking down at you seriously.  “I meant every fucking word that I said.  You're not a doormat and you belong in this bed with me, and only me. Now go to sleep.” Joel then tucked you into him once again.

After a moment you said in the darkness “I love you Joel” and with that, you fell asleep.  When Joel knew that you were sleeping he also said out loud “I love you too sweetheart, always have and always will.”  Joel knew that he had to tell you soon that he loved you. But this admission in the dark, when you were softly sleeping in his arms, was good enough for now. As sleep finally took Joel he thought to himself I love you and you’re forever mine. 

That was the first night the both of you had a decent night's sleep since this whole thing started. You both were wrapped up tight in each other's arms, not letting go, locking the world out for just one night. If you could describe the feeling you both felt, that feeling would be home. You felt like you were at home, safe in each other's arms. And that was something worth fighting for. 

-End chapter-

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow @staywildflowahchild @ratoonstown @l3laze @its-always-420-on-the-moon @kirsteng42

[heretherebedork]

Hello agony.

Oh, Tanthai. This is the first real glimpse we've gotten of him that shows the past, that shows us the real pain and what he's trying to escape. Because he is scared and he is lashing out but he's doing all of it trying to escape himself but you can't escape yourself, you can't.

That is just the most painful smile ever. This is a young man who's been abused and been forced to take the blame and forced into a horrible spot and he's not kind but there's something there, there's so much there and he has nothing he can do, no power but his father's power sits on him like a weight.

Thee is trying so hard to help Tanthai but the truth is that Tinn is right. The only thing that can help him now is the truth. That's all there is. The truth has to come out and that is all that can help him. He needs to get away from his father and the truth needs to come out and that, that will help him.

(Honestly, if Thee went with him, sending Tanthai to America wouldn't be the worst thing. He'd be farther from his father and in a place where he could at least by physically safe and that's a first step in protecting himself.)

Thee is the only safe person that Tanthai can lash out at all, the only person who can't (and won't) throw anything back in his face. Thee's love has made this place for Tanthai, the one place he can express himself truly, but because of their class difference and because Thee is basically a whipping boy it means that he's safe but he's also paid and so Tanthai cannot trust that safety as much he wants to.

The hollow eyes. The blank smile. The struggles to realize that he is part of this monstrous machine that hurts people and keeps people in poverty and kills children and he can't do a thing about it because his father's power is not his own. Who would Tanthai be if he wasn't trapped in this gilded cage of abuse and meaningless wealth?

Thee knows who he would be. Thee sees that in him. And he will not give up.

Tanthai and Charn are competing to figure out which smile can hurt the most, dear lord.

The absolute misery and sarcasm are strong with him and I love him so much. All he needs is one crying breakdown in Thee's arms... I mean, honestly, he doesn't even need that. He's just absolutely glorious. Damaged and angry and hurt and struggling and hating that this takes him out of the spotlight and that he's hurting more and more people for something he didn't even do.

No one talks about dying more than Tanthai. No one. This man is ready to die and be released from everything he's trapped in but Thee just won't let him go but also won't give him what he needs. Which is more. Which is a chance to escape. Which is the truth.

Tanthai is begging to be set free but the only freedom he can imagine at this point is death. He begged Thee to run away with him and got nothing and now there's no other way to escape this. There's nothing else. There's no other escape from his father.

Every time. Every single time, Tanthai is waiting for something from Thee. But Thee never gives it to him. Thee doesn't give him the comfort or the freedom he wants. Not death, not running away, not even reassurance. Thee simply is... there.

Thee may love Tanthai but he isn't able to give him that love. By virtue of his job, by virtue of his position, by virtue of his own chains, he always leaves Tanthai unable to escape and unable to be helped.

Thee is the only chance Tanthai has at escape and love and safety but they're both trapped here and Thee is more afraid of what escape might mean than the freedom it might grant.

[ashes-writing-corner]

Hey guys! Im back with another update. This one starts a bit heavy and ends with a little bit of sweet-spice. At least in my opinion, but I think im biased!

Trigger warnings: talks about suicide, mentions of organ transplant, and slight groping I guess (consent is asked, cause that's important)

Taglist: @stargatenovus

Ghosts That We Knew

Part 12- Confrontations and a (not so) confession

Ellie was asleep. There was a heavy, quiet tension in the air. Something had been brewing all day since you got home. Ghost could feel the tension since you got home, despite your best attempts to hide it from your little girl. 

You hadn't talked to him today. Not even a hello when you came home. And now here you were, sitting in your bed with your phone in front of you, looking tense as hell. Something was wrong. 

It felt like a prelude to war to him. 

“Can you manifest?” You asked, “we need to talk”. 

He didn't like the sound of that. Regardless, the soldier did as you asked of him, fully manifesting at the foot of your bed. His arms were crossed and his seemingly sunken eyes seemed to be taking in the whole sight of you. Almost like you were someone to be revered and respected. 

But your eyes projected a mix of emotions. Sadness, a bit of anger…and was that treachery he saw? The spirit raised a brow under his mask. 

“What's wrong, love?” He asked. 

You hesitated a little. “I know who you are. I know what you did, for me and for the world” you answered, trying to keep your tone even, “Simon…”. 

You knew his name. You KNEW his name. Which only meant one thing. 

Fuck…

“Did you know?” You asked. 

“Y/N, it's not-”. 

“Did. You. Know?” You asked again more firmly. 

Ghost blinked softly. “Not at first”. 

“So you lied by omission then”. 

“What? No!”. 

“Bullshit! You should've told me the minute you found out”. 

“Why? And kill your sense of self worth further?! You already hate that thing-”

“I hate that it doesn't feel like my own”. 

“Exactly! I didn't want to reinforce that thought, that feeling. I wanted you to come to terms with it first. You've had more than enough time to”. 

“Oh I'm sorry my trauma is FUCKING inconvenient to you-”. 

“Language! Ellie is asleep in the other room. Keep your voice down”. 

“Oh so now you wanna tone police me? I don't think so”. 

“Look I had my reasons, alright?! You were hurt and I didn't want you to hurt further. I already did enough hurting to people around me…I didn't want to add you to the list”. 

There was a brief moment of silence between the two of you. The tension was being released somewhat, so at least this was helping a little. 

“You had a home. You had friends who loved you. Why would you do that to yourself? Is that how you repay people who care-”. 

“Ex-fucking-scuse me?! Repay?! Are you kidding me-”. 

“Language!” You hissed sharply. 

“But repay them? You think this is repayment for them? No! This was a punishment”. 

“For you or for them?”. 

“For me!”. 

“Really? Cause that's not how Johnny feels I'd imagine!”. 

Shit. You accidentally let it slip that you had been in contact with him. Well…the cat was eventually going to get out of the bag. 

There was a look of anger and sadness in the ghost’s eyes. Carefully though he calmed himself before speaking again. 

“Look this isn't about my friends right now. This is about us for the time being. I'll admit I didn't know at first. I had…suspicions. But I couldn't confirm them for a while. And then you told me it didn't feel like yours, that it felt like a chunk of lead” he pointed out, “I didn't want you to know that you felt that way because of me. Because I knew this would happen”. 

“What did you want to happen? What did you expect?” You asked, blinking back tears. 

“That you'd get some bloody help, first of all. I thought you'd have a therapist by now”. 

“I don't trust therapists”. 

“Why?”. 

“Well first of all, ever realized how therapist is spelled?”. 

Ghost mulled it over for all of two seconds. “Oh for fucks sake, seriously?”

“Sorry had to add a little humor there. But no seriously, I don't trust therapists. I refuse to be just another paycheck for them”. 

“You need it”. 

“Don't you dare tell me what I need!”.

“Do you wanna wind up like me? Because that's exactly how you wind up like me!”. 

You scoffed. “You really think I'd do that? I have Ellie. Why the hell would I traumatize and abandon her like that?!”. 

You were going to make a jab about how he had abandoned his friends and team. However you knew that was low and unnecessarily so. 

“Because in that bloody moment you don't think” Ghost stepped toward you, “because in that moment it doesn't feel like abandonment. It feels like you're relieving them. You get that thought in your head that you're nothing but a burden to everyone around you. Don't you dare tell me you've never felt like that. Because you have. Everyone and their mum has. I don't want that for you, or for Ellie”. 

That was a twisted way to think about it. But at the same time you figured it made sense. Mental illness could make someone feel like a burden. Was that what he was thinking at that time? That he was little more than a burden to his friends? You were thoughtful for a moment. 

“Okay…I will see about therapy. If it puts your little ectoplasmic mind at ease”. 

“Ellie as well…” Ghost practically growled. 

“She's already in therapy”. 

“Good” he crossed his arms, moving away from you. 

He felt like a scorned dog if he were being entirely honest. He saved your life, having already lost his, and this was what he got for it? Maybe it was best he went back to that damn closet-

“I'm sorry” you said, your tone softening, “It's just…I never thought this would ever happen. I didn't expect to meet my donor, or even the ghost of my donor. It just feels…crazy. Like something out of a book or something”. 

“Did you read the letter I wrote?”. 

You looked up at him. “I saw the envelope. But I didn't read it in the moment. I was too shocked”

“You should. It's for you”. 

“I will. I just need a little time to process” you moved so you were sitting on the end of your bed, legs over the edge, “who are you? Or maybe a better question is who WAS Simon Riley?”. 

“Did you read the file?”. 

“I did but that only told me medical stuff. Physicals, mental evaluations, that whole thing. You're very good at lying, you realize that right?”. 

Ghost shrugged a shoulder. “Kinda had to be in order to do what I did. Didn't always enjoy it but I'll admit it was useful”. 

“Okay but seriously, who were you?”. 

“Someone who died in every way that mattered before his actual death. It's why I was ready to go at any given moment, and why I was a donor”. 

“I think I've asked this before but, do you miss being alive?”.

“Sometimes”. 

You thought for a moment, a heartbeat, before asking: “why the mask?”. 

“To hide my face”. 

“I asked a simple question”.

“And I gave a simple answer”. 

“Cheeky little fuck” you thought, “but why hide? You're dead. You have nothing to hide, well no reason to”. 

“Trust me, you don't wanna see what's under here now. Ghosts tend to look like how they did in death…”.

“I'm not scared, Simon” you told him, “if I'm allowed to call you that”. 

“I'm not taking it off, love. Sorry. Be as brave as you want but-” he stopped mid sentence, “what the hell are you doing?”. 

You were taking off your shirt, an idea having struck you. Not only revealing your chest, but also the scar that was left from your surgery and his death. Talk about making a mark…

“showing you what you did…what I guess we both did”. 

You weren't wrong. He had a similar, gnarled scar on his. You both had left your mark on each other. It was poetic in a way, like a full circle sort of thing. You were a part of each other…

Without thinking, Ghost, no, Simon took a step forward. His eyes steely, fixated on your chest, and you could tell more than just the scar. Oddly enough, it didn't bother you. When he was close enough, Simon looked at you, his hand outstretched. 

“Is…” he hesitated, “is this okay, love? Is this allowed?”.

You nodded. “It's okay” your voice was barely above a whisper. 

Surprisingly he pulled back, and for a moment you thought he was going to leave. But relief washed over you as you realized he was actually taking his skeletal glove off. The skin of the ghost was a light gray, reminiscent of clouds before rainfall. Only when it was off did he move forward in caressing the scar that bordered your left breast. 

Using a single, cold finger, Simon traced the scar from the top of your chest down the whole length of it. His finger was definitely cold, colder than anything you'd ever felt. You assumed that death really was as cold as believed. Gently, he pressed his whole hand to your breast, feeling all of it. Not in a groping, sexual manner, but more like…reverence perhaps? Regardless it made the heart inside you practically leap, from both the cold and anticipation. Your eyes never left him. 

His touch was gentle but cold. A strange combination that wasn't entirely unpleasant. The heart inside you pounded, responding to the cold hand of its previous owner. 

“You alright, love?” Simon asked, “I can stop, if you want me to”. 

His voice had no right to be like that, gruff and yet gentle at the same time. It just made you feel things. Things you hadn't felt in a long time. 

“No…no it's okay” you shook your head, “it's yours anyway”. 

“No” Simon replied, his tone sharper than he intended it to be, “it's yours. It was always meant to be yours…in some form or another” he looked you right in the eye when he said it, like he had never been more sure of anything in his life…well, afterlife. 

“That…felt almost like a confession. Something you wanna share?” You asked, your own tone playful. 

You could see the smile in his eyes as he withdrew his hand. “Not quite yet…gettin’ there though”. 

“What's that supposed to mean?” You asked as he put his glove back on and picked up your shirt. 

“It means go to bed. You've more than earned some sleep”. 

You took it from him, a part of you feeling a tiny bit disappointed. “Alright…but only if you hold me”. 

“You never gotta ask twice for that, love”. 

You put your shirt back on and laid back against the pillows. Simon was soon at your side, arms around your waist. His cold was now more a comfort than anything. 

“Good night Simon” you closed your eyes, smiling a little as his hands wandered your torso a bit. 

The ghost pressed his head to your shoulder and you swore you felt ice cold lips kiss your neck.

“Good night, lovely. Dream of me…”. 

If you guys enjoyed this please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging ^^ if you're feeling generous, feel free to give me a follow! I greatly appreciate it :) thank you so much and I'll see you in the next part!

[aro-ace-from-outer-space22]

Hey, PSA-Spoilers!

So, Netflix is releasing a new movie in four days (October 20, 2022). It is called ‘The School for Good and Evil’, and is based on a book series by Soman Chainani. It seems to be only covering the first book, though I imagine that there will be some kind of follow-up since literally everything this man has ever written is a New York Times bestseller. It’s a similar concept to Ever After High and Descendants, very well written, and I highly recommend that you watch it once it comes out.

the thing is

The thing is, there are two female leads. They are childhood best friends even though one of them is beloved by their village and the other hated, even though they are sorted into separate schools and taught to be enemies, even though there are so many people telling them to hate each other.

The thing is, at the end of the first book, one of the girls kisses the other one on the mouth. It is a kiss of True Love, something that already failed with her male love interest. It sends them home.

The thing is, this book, being that it is written by a queer author, has queer themes.

The thing is-and this is the spoilers-the girls are twins.

This is a plot twist from later on in the series. It’s something that’s wrapped up in a very complicated plot in the book it’s in. It is very unlikely that they could or would reveal this early. I feel like Netflix is likely to continue the movie series, and even if it isn’t, I feel like it would be fairly easy to get the books and read them yourselves for a….significant amount of people.

This book was written in 2013. By a gay man. I would like to participate in this fandom without the absolute shitshow that I know this will incite. Especially since the author is of Indian decent. Especially since one of the girls has been cast as black. Especially since this is so soon after the mess that was First Kill.

This was not queerbaiting, this was a gay author making a choice for his story. And maybe you could argue that he was forced, by his publishers, by societal expectations, but regardless; this man has been out-socially, if not publicly-since 2001. This was not an act of malice on his part, this was not a trick he played on you to deprive you of lesbian representation. Please, please be normal about this and leave him the fuck alone.

EDIT:

Okay, so some people are reading this as ‘don’t criticize this man about anything ever’, so I’ve decided to clarify: this is me, as someone who read the first book at about the time it came out, telling people to try to not be racist about this, letting them know that the author is queer-which in my mind at least reframes a few things-and trying to let people know that Sophie and Agatha are twins so they hopefully don’t get too caught up in the ship and then get disappointed/upset. I’m also trying to give this man the benefit of the doubt, but I’m definitely not trying to say that he’s never done anything bad ever, or that you can’t criticize him or his work. Just, please be normal about it.

[white-weasel]

Ideal Hypothetical Saw Film Reroll episode(s)

(This is something I’ve been thinking about as I’ve watched through the movies and @afoxnamedmulder also formally asked about it so I took that as full permission from him to just start spewing my every thought about these two things together. This post is hyper niche and for literally like 3 people but idec lets gooooo)

So the first thought is if the Film Reroll crew were to ever reroll Saw it would obviously be the first one. It’s the most culturally relevant one and the one that most fits with what I can see the show doing. In the case of rerolling Saw I, ideally the players would not have seen the movie. Like I said, since this is the most culturally significant one this might be hard but I’m gonna go off of both vibes and play style for this one and just hope that it works

For the GM it’s gonna be Paulo. I just feel he could do the cramped space of the bathroom justice and bring in new “challenges”/obstacles to keep things moving.

Playing Lawrence Gordon, and this is gonna sound crazy please bear with me, I think we get Carolyn Faye Kramer. My reasoning for this is that the Lawrence of Saw I is someone who, despite his task being to kill Adam and cut off his foot, does not actually have the ability to do it until the very end when his family is threatened. If we put Jon or Scott here, Gordon is shooting Adam within the first 15 minutes of the movie. Carolyn I feel can play someone very conflicted about the choice and also won’t immediately jump to trusting whatever Jigsaw is saying on the tape. She’s willing to cooperate with her fellow player and only if she’s pushed to take things into her own hands will she start trying to make moves, which I feel is fitting. (Also she’s the only cast member I feel like we can say 100% has never seen these movies lmao lest we forget the infamous Friday the 13th “I know who the killer is” fiasco” happening because she doesn’t like scary movies)

My first choice playing Adam Faulkner-Stanheight would be none other than Joz Vammer themself! I think they could really get the tone of the character down full stop. The mixture of outbursts and jokes, but then also throwing things at the wall to see what sticks in getting them out of there. I feel like Joz also would not accept the zero sum game presented by Jigsaw and would work to find a way for both Adam and Lawrence to get out together, which is really what you need for this movie. In my heart I feel like Joz has seen the movie, but for this scenario I would hope not because…

The twist in this reroll would be there has been a 3rd PC the whole time: Zep Hindle. I would LOVE for Tim to play Zep. He could 100% play this quiet, envious guy given instructions to carry out his part of the game. My imagining for this would be he and Paulo had a session before the main game that was all about how Zep handled the set up stuff with Alison and Diana.

And then I’m envisioning the bathroom game sessions are happening on a Zoom call or the like, and Tim is sitting with Paulo in his apartment, letting him know what Zep is doing if/when phone calls to the outside world are happening and stuff. Also Paulo could totally call for “breaks” in recording where he’s actually conferring and rolling with Tim on what Zep is doing. The knowledge Zep gets is basically the equivalent of him getting to know stuff because of the camera set up in the movie. This would probably be a logistical nightmare to actually record, but I like to think that the payoff would be awesome. Like it gets revealed there was a secret third player in the episode, Joz and Carolyn are shocked, and then the edit goes back in time to show key tidbits of Tim’s turns and such. They could even release the full audio of it then on Patreon lol

The reveal at Zep being a PC rather than an NPC also kinda parallels/coincides with him not actually being Jigsaw from the original movie too. He’s not the one actually making things happen, he’s all a pawn in the game as well

HOWEVER I also had the thought - if the crew does Saw they don’t HAVE to do the first one. They didn’t do the first Friday the 13th and hell, their first episode is literally Back to the Future 2, not the first movie. If the crew just wanted to do a Saw episode to focus on the trap aspect when they’re playing, I think they could play as the Fatal 5 from Saw V (blatant Saw V bias showing here, don’t look at me, but also I genuinely think this is the group game most conducive to being rerolled). It’s also very likely that none of them have seen Saw V, so the “twist” with the traps being all survivable wouldn’t be known to them

It was between Saw V and Saw II because those are the two group games where all of the participants are free to work together and it’s not reliant on one person. I like Saw V better because I feel it can be self contained more than II. With II you have to deal with the fact Amanda is in on all of it and idk I feel like that just doesn’t work as well for a ttrpg setting. Casting for this one is a lot more vibes based and I have less concrete answers, so I’m open to suggestions

GM - Paulo once again. King of making this all work

Ashley Kazon - Carolyn (don’t know too much about Ashley but I want Carolyn in this movie and feel she could work this)

Charles Salomon - Scott (he could do it. He could bring the smarmy vibes and even though he wouldn’t know the line “I’m an Investigative Journalist for 👆The Herald👆” he would know it in spirit)

Luba Gibbs - Jon (first of all, we don’t get Jon to play women enough on this show. I love him playing Annabelle in Jumanji. Secondly, I think he can play Luba’s cut throat nature well. However I also wouldn’t mind Lisa in this role. I think she could play it well also)

Mallick Scott - Andy (he might be a bit too sedate for this, but also he’s the one I trust the most to play into the inevitable guilt complex that would be put on his sheet so)

Brit Stevenson - Kara (she could 100% do corporate woman who cares only for her own survival until she realizes that she doesn’t HAVE to care only for her own survival. I believe in her)

No twist in how the gameplay happens here, the only fun thing would be to see if the cast would be able to figure out Jigsaw’s message in that they can all actually work together to get through the traps.

FINALLY the most self indulgent thing and the thing they would never actually do because it technically wouldn’t be the movie itself is they would give us an apprentice campaign with the mainline apprentices working together before the start of Saw III/Saw IV, each of them with their own specific, secret objectives they’re hoping to achieve:

GM/John Kramer would be Paulo

Amanda would be Joz (Fairly self explanatory I feel. They have the range to play her. They would GET her)

Lawrence would be Andy (I feel Andy could pull off apprentice Lawrence. Lawrence strikes me as someone in the shadows during his apprentice work, biding his time, and I can see Andy bringing that sort of thing to Lawrence. At the same time there’s some room to develop apprentice Lawrence’s motivations and character so I would be interested in seeing what he’d do for him)

Hoffman would be Scott (Hoffman was the hardest for me to pin down in this line up but I think I like Scott as my pick for now. Open to more thoughts about this one though.)

In every scenario there would be will rolls up the wazoo. I feel like will stats in this would be fairly normal, it would just be the penalties that would make the rolls hard. So I like to imagine that cutting your own foot off is probably a -5 penalty or something, but if you’re in immediate, imminent danger or you have credible reason to think your family is in danger you’d get some bonuses back to make it a less tricky roll. Also numerous fright checks would also be on the table I’m sure, as well as senses of duty or different traits people will have to resist. I think building the character sheets for this would be fun, though it would be interesting to see how it would get balanced out by Paulo when actually playing

[scalamore]

I guess I’m just really curious about the first TL Rupert. So in the manwha (I haven’t fully read the novel, only so much I could translate to understand), every time Lari remembers her first life, she always says that Rupert never spoke to her and barely made eye contact even during her trial. He also wasn’t fully in front of her when she was sent to the guillotine, and I guess through out of body says he doesn’t even look happy about her dying.

So I guess my question is: why did Rupert prolong her death so much? Why did he just leave her? In prison for months after he killed her whole family (no one knew her origins except a select few that are already dead), did he feel bad, or maybe he saw her as pitiful because she was just an innocent victim in the situation, or maybe I’m just thinking too much into it?

OOh i love discussing TL1 Rupert. Because we don't have much information about him at all, and Rupert and Lari's POV are just so contradictory. What I mean is Lari initially thought he was a psycho tyrant murderer, but then later thinks he's just a misunderstood guy she scapegoated, while we find out in S4 of the manhwa, that Rupert totally think it's 100% possible for him to be a psycho tyrant murderer :'D Short answer: I agree with all your thoughts! ^^ Long answer: Anyways yes, in TL1 Rupert and Lari didn't know each other at all, were in completely different social circles, and only exchanged like 2 sentences of formal greetings at her debutante. The main idea being they didn't know each other at all, and whatever opinion Lari had of him was her own conclusions about his character (that ironically, turned out to be right on the dot).

What I found interesting, was how she described him during the trial: He was sitting/standing a bit aways, observing her with a stern expression. He didn't seem happy - rather, indifferent. He didn't seemed at all pleased that she was being condemned. He also had an unusual "crooked grin" when they made eye contact, but the interesting part is she describes his "gentle green eyes that didn't match his violent personality"

This manhwa panel when they cross paths again at some point, also shows his overwhelming indifference, when she begs and screams at him yet he continues walking past her:

Here, on the day of her execution Lari imagines after her death - she imagines him being pleased, sneering and laughing at her. Yet the manhwa shows his expression as something more akin to that crooked grin from the trial - as if he felt pity for her and was laughing a "what a poor thing" laugh rather than a "hahaha serves you right" laugh. Hmmm...

Based on these clues from Lari's POV from TL1, and knowing Rupert's current personality (which has been established he's the same person but making different choices), it paints a picture that he's still the same indifferent person as ever, who doesn't care about those not involved in his circle/the people he trusts. He's the type to strike first before he gets hurt, and this is the same: he knew about Lari's origins, and got rid of her before she could become an obstacle. This is further supported by the upcoming Ch 118 when S4 is released: the novel version gives us Rupert's POV on what he thought of when he read Lari's diary detailing him as a psycho tyrant murderer. His response is pretty much "yeah, I can see myself doing that". Her descriptions of him brutally murdering the Empress, Arnulf and Grand Duke? Yup, he agrees he would do that. Executing House Belois for not only treason, but for hiding Akan's princess? Even if she didn't have any drop of actual royal blood, he would get rid of them all? Yup.

Because that was TL2 Rupert's original plan as well.

Recall manhwa chapter 45: Rupert had a hit-list of those around his age he needed to be wary of, and to get rid of some day if they continue to be a threat. He deemed Riche as not important, but Lari and Lehan were particularly troublesome. It's mentioned quite a few times, and finally directly in the next season, that Rupert believes he would have surely been such a murderous tyrant in TL2 if he had not met Lari. He could not refute the fact that "TL1 Rupert" wasn't him, because they shared the same methods/plans/thought process, and the only difference is because he knew Lari and was influenced by her in this timeline.

SO, going back to your question anon:

After RupeLali reunite, Rupert gives us a bit more of his POV regarding TL1: He admits that yes, he knows his own cruelty better than anyone, and to protect his throne he'll do ANYTHING, like completely eliminating his enemies.... but... he thinks MAYBE he had SOME hesitation too? I can't find the exact passage, but I'm fairly sure TL1 Rupert also knew that Lari was ignorant about the whole thing, but still ended up killing her. But in any case, I agree with your thought process. I believe House Belois was captured and killed quickly in March, while she was allowed to live outside at the manor until it was burned down and she was arrested soon after, and then executed in August. A reasonable conclusion is because TL1 Rupert felt some hesitation in killing an innocent, ignorant Lari. She's done nothing to warrant death, except by simply existing. That's why the trial was rigged: She was sentenced not only to death for being associated with House Belois's treason (which they were caught before they actually implemented it so it would make sense why it would be so hard to believe) as well as random excuses like "failing to act like a noble".

Yup look at that guilty judge making stuff up about her to sentence her to the guillotine >:( Again, if we take TL2 Rupert's character and project it onto TL1 Rupert, it's assumed he still has the basic personality trait of "not being bothered to harass, bother, or hurt others, because he doesn't care about them at all. He is not violent unless he's hurt first and retaliates." This also suggests that he might have delayed judgement on Lari because she's innocent, and he's actively punishing her... which would leave a bad taste in his mouth. But after thinking and pondering, he eventually makes his decision: he's a very careful guy, and he will prioritize his life/safety over the potential that Lari can somehow strike back and steal the throne back from him. HIS LIFE GOAL is the throne. Even if she doesn't know her own origins, and no one else knows as House Belois is gone, just the fact she has the blood of Akan is a threat enough, and he will get rid of her. Readers might also ask: Why doesn't TL1 Rupert just marry Lari to obtain legitimacy of the throne?

Simple answer: He would rather be alone than marry someone he doesn't trust. Lari is a nobody to him, so therefore she is out of the question. If anything, her legitimate bloodline is a threat to him, so she should be eliminated.

[midnightsunnyday]

Flufftober Prompt 2: "You've told your parents?" (Lucifer x MC)

A/N: ok, ok, this is the last one. I promise these all won't be Lucifer centered...maybe. My (late) entry for @flufftober 2022 day 2! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

Summary: Lucifer isn't so sure about dinner with MC's family.

No warnings for this one, yet light cursing and some slight angst.

*********

At first, he thought he misheard them. Lucifer sat aside his paperwork, giving them a stern look. “My dear, you do realize who you’re inviting around your loved ones, correct?” He didn’t mean for it to sound like a threat, but more as a word of caution. After all, they’re demons, and not just any demons, but the living, breathing, manifestations of humanity's worse sins. Not the type of company one would usually want to take to family dinner.

“I know you think it’s a bad idea--“

“--Correction,” he interrupted, “I think it’s a horrible idea.”

“But,” they continued, “I love you and I want my family to know that you all are a part of my life, just like I’m a part of yours. I mean, we managed to work it out, right?”

“Have you forgotten how my brother killed you once?"  

“And now look at us? Best bed buddies, ever.”

“Beel clearly still has a taste for human flesh.”

“Humans will taste like pure shit once he tries my mother’s famous fried turkey.”

“Asmodeus…” Lucifer shivered. “On second thought, I don’t even want to imagine that one."

“Asmo has promised to stick to a strict “no grabbing from the familial cookie jar” policy. His words, not mine."

Lucifer rubbed his temples. There were times when he found their optimism charming, adorable even. Yet he could not, in good conscience, allow this to happen. No doubt he could keep himself composed, yet the risk of his brothers revealing themselves was too great. Just the thought of it almost brought him close to panic. In fact, he did panic.

“Yes but then there’s Mammon and his usual habits will surely cause trouble and Leviathan can barely handle social situations as it is and while Satan may not be a problem his temper is sure to be of concern furthermore—“

“Lucifer,” they took his hand. Raising it to their lips, they covered his knuckles in feathered kisses. “It’s OK. I trust them to do the right thing."

"That's not the point." Lucifer took a deep breath, then released it. Was it really his brothers he couldn't trust? Not even he was above attacking humans. Both times he lost control and both times he was barely stopped. What right did he have to stand in front of their family and claim himself as anything?

"All things worth having take effort, especially relationships," they said, messaging his hand. "I can't say whether this will all work out perfectly, but I do know it's worth trying."

Lucifer's smile weighed with both content and doubt. "And are you certain this is what you want?"

"Of course."

"I still...have concerns."

"I know. But remember, you're not doing this alone. I'm here, too. Along with several contingency plans just in case it all falls apart."

"Which are?"

"My pact marks." They pointed to their forehead. Upon it glowed the symbol of pride. "Though I would hate to have to use them."

"Is that right?" Lucifer took their hand, placing it against his cheek. "Then I'll be sure to be on my best behavior."

It took further kisses in various places until Lucifer finally gave in. If anything, they were always good with negotiations. "Fine. I'll set the preparations for our leave with Diavolo."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," They squealed, giving Lucifer yet another kiss on the cheek, only slightly disappointed that it wasn't on the lips. A small part of him hated how he couldn't say no to them, but he loved watching as they bounced from his office with joy. Not even a few seconds later, a chorus of his brother's voices filled the air, shaking the entire House of Lamentation with happiness. Such racket would surely go on into the morning.

"Very well. If that's how it is." Lucifer rose from his desk. Work could wait. After all, his family was waiting.

However, if there’s one thing he'll make known, is that everyone will be using an alias...for obvious reasons.

[pluto-supremacy]

Will there be a part three of the Vi dating femreader at Stillwater where the Reader gets out of Stillwater and Vi makes it up to the Reader after they reunite? Maybe either the Reader gets out on her own and they reunite in Zaun or Vi comes back to get her out like she promised and they are reunited that way and she makes up for all the lost time since she left her there and promises she will never leave her again, that she loves the Reader with all her mind, body and soul. If Caitlyn is there she apologizes to both Vi and the Reader for separating them once she sees them together and how they are with each other and that she should have fought harder to get the Reader out the first time before Vi and Reader have their life after Stillwater, then maybe a time skip or something where we see Vi and the Reader living together and after Stillwater. That part two was heart-wrenching and would love for Vi to make good on her promise of coming back for the Reader like she said she would, so they can be free and live a better life outside of Stillwater.

Vi Fic: Miss Me?

➼ I'm so glad everyone is liking the Vi series! This will likely be the last part, at least for Stillwater. Maybe I'll have little au's as to how the story ends. Have some fluff to make up for what I put y'all through last time

➼ Continuation of Vi Fic: Bye Bye Bun

➼ This definitely diverges from canon, so please keep that in mind. I didn't have it in me to give an angsty ending (this time). Consider this a little fix-it fic for the end of season 1

➼ No beta we die like some random enforcer (I've officially run out of people season 2 come faster)

➼ Warnings: None!

GIF does not belong to me! All credits to the owner

The days started to blur together. Each passing moment seemed more painful than the last. Vi left you. Left you with that enforcer to rot in Stillwater. Sure she promised to come back, and for a while you were hopeful. Vi had no reason to just leave you behind. That didn't make any sense. Even with the warden saying he could ‘only release one’. Bullshit. Vi should’ve fought harder. She could’ve gotten both of you out, you knew that. If this enforcer needed her so bad then she’s have to do what she asked, even against the warden’s wishes.

While it was hard to keep track of time behind bars, you were certain it had been at least a week. Or it at least felt like a week. Around day three you had lost all hope that your girlfriend was coming back for you. What could take her this long? Nothing. Absolutely nothing in your eyes at least. Vi didn’t even offer an explanation, just that she’d be back. Who does that? Certainly there had been enough time for her to at least say something like 'If I don't go they'll kill me'. Was that even what happened? Or was this the out Vi had been looking for? Had she ever even cared..?

Some days you went with no. Others it was yes. No was the more common answer now. Well hopefully that enforcer was happy with what she had done. What relationship she had torn apart. It was just after lunch when you had been returned back to your cell. Lately you haven't had much of an appetite, the prison uniform you wore hanging slightly looser than usual. It was hard to eat when all you could think about was what Vi could be doing. Fighting. Cheating. Running away. Dying. Of course you only imagined the worst. Never that she was currently racing towards Stillwater like a man on a mission.

Which she was.

The last few days had gone by so fast and so slow at the same time for Vi. Each time she closed her eyes she saw you, she saw Powder, she saw the both of you begging her not to leave. It haunted her, plagued her every waking thought. The guilt of leaving you behind was eating her alive. If it wasn't for how many times she had gotten her ass kicked lately she might've had time to really revel in the fact that she may have lost you forever. She would fix this though. Vi knew that she would. Part one of her plan was already complete.

She had Powder back. For the most part.

After the little dinner party ended with Silco dying, Vi pleaded with her younger sister. Pleaded with her to do the right thing for Milo, for Claggor, for Vander, for her. At the last second it seemed like her Jinx persona had began crumbling away. She dropped the weapon she had built and ran to her older sister, crying and hugging her tight. Catilyn, who had been tied up and gagged by a mask, was relieved to say the least.

After untying both of them Powder handed over the gemstone to Caitlyn. She hadn't wanted it anyways, not really. It was Silco who planted the seed in her head to build the weapon. Every now and then Vi could see Jinx trying to peak through, trying to take over Powder. Maybe one day Jinx would finally go away. Maybe she would always be a part of her, whispering in her ear to turn on those she loved. Either way Vi was keeping her close, not wanting to make the same mistake twice. She promised Powder it would be them again, but with just one new addition.

Now Vi, Powder, and Caitlyn were on the boat to Stillwater. Powder had been asking a million different questions about you. There was part of her, the Jinx part, that resented you. Like you took her sister away from her despite the pair of you meeting when Vi had already been in Stillwater for some time. But mostly she was just excited to see whoever made her sister this happy. The instant the boat was docked Vi ran off, clutching the release papers in her right hand. Caitlyn and Powder were right behind her, albeit a bit slower.

Vi slammed the papers down on the warden's desk with a smirk as soon as she made it up to his desk. "Orders from Councilor Talis to release prisoner 381. Immediately." She stated. The warden wasn't exactly pleased with the orders, but begrudgingly agreed. Mostly since he now had no choice with new orders. That and it would be three against one, and Vi had already put up a fight in the past when it was just her. The one with the blue hair also looked unstable, so best not to mess with that.

Confusion overwhelmed you as the doors to your cell opened. The first thought you had was that this was a trap. A guard opened the doors and was waiting for you to try and escape. That's the only thing it could be. At least until you saw pink hair peaking out from around the corner of your wall. "VI!" you yelled, your feet carrying you forward and before you even realized there was a familiar pair of strong arms around you. "I've got you bun, I've got you" she whispered as she pulled you close, hiding her face in your hair. For a while neither of you said a word, falling into a comfortable silence. At some point tears had began falling down your cheeks, you weren't too sure when. Only this time they weren't sad tears. They were tears of relief and happiness. Eventually you broke the silence. "You came back after all."

Those words hit Vi hard. You really didn't think she would keep her word? Though she couldn't find it in herself to blame you for that. After all, she did just up and leave without running you through what was happening. There just wasn't time in the moment. "Of course I did. I promised I'd come back and get you. I'd never lie to you." she whispered, her grip tightening. "I'm back and we're leaving this place for good. We'll never see Stillwater again."

When you finally pulled away you realized that you weren't alone. There was the enforcer from earlier, Catilyn, and..someone with blue hair? "Who is that?" "That's my little sister, Powder. You remember me talking about her right?" you did, Vi talked about her a lot. Though clearly she wasn't eleven anymore. "I do. You found her?" you asked, giving a small smile and wave towards Powder. She returned the gesture, moving to hold her elbows. "Yeah, that was a few years ago" Powder responded rocking slightly on her heels. "Vi told me a lot about you on the boat ride over. I have a lot to catch you up on." "We both do." Vi added on.

Caitlyn cleared her throat to gain everyone's attention before turning to you. "I wanted to apologize for taking Vi away from you. She had important information about something stolen from Piltover. I did try to get you both out, but-" "Caitlyn, right? As long as you didn't kiss Violet I'll say it's fine." that made her laugh a little, shaking her head. "I promise you I didn't. I wanted to say that both of you no longer have a criminal record, it has been wiped clean. And I wanted to give you this," Catilyn handed over a large pouch filled with money. You carefully took it, examining the pouch. It was a considerable sum, likely enough to rent an apartment in Piltover for a few months.

"Please take that as part of my apology. It should help the three of you find a good place to stay and keep food on the table. Whether you want to go back to the Undercity or move on to Piltover." "Thank you." You handed the pouch over to Vi who tucked the pouch into one of the pockets on her jacket. "Come on bun, we're going to find a place for the three of us. No one," she looked between you and Powder "is getting left behind ever again. Come on" she grabbed your hand and Powder's, walking towards the elevator. You followed along, pulling your hand away at the last second.

"Vi?" "Yes?" Vi responded, nervous for what may come next. "I love you." You said, pulling her in for a short, sweet kiss. Vi was quick to return it, pulling you onto the elevator where Powder was waiting.

"I love you too. Now let's go home"

[ireadyabooks]

Spring Releases to Look Forward to from I Read YA! 📖✨

The beginning of the year is the perfect time to get ahead on your 2024 reading goal! That’s why we have compiled a list of all the books you can look forward to from I Read YA this spring. We have everything you need this season, from heartfelt rom-coms and stunning graphic novels to bone-chilling dystopian horrors and stirring historical fiction. Check out our list below to find your next favorite read!  

Okay, Cupid by Mason Deaver

As a cupid, Jude thinks they understand love a little bit more than the average human. Yes, they might currently be on probation for doing something that they absolutely, definitely shouldn't have done... but they're ready to prove they can make matches without ever getting involved. However, their next assignment might just show that maybe Jude hasn't learned the first lesson of humans and love . . . It’s complicated.

Start reading Okay, Cupid now!

I Hope This Doesn’t Find You by Ann Liang

Sadie Wen is perfect on paper: school captain, valedictorian, and a "pleasure to have in class." It’s not easy, but she has a trick to keep her model-student smile plastered on her face at all times: she channels all her frustrations into her email drafts. Sadie doesn't have to hold back in her emails, because nobody will ever read them . . . that is, until they're accidentally sent out. Overnight, Sadie’s carefully crafted, conflict-free life is turned completely upside down.

Start reading I Hope This Doesn’t Find You now!

Rainbow! Volume 1 by Gloom & Sunny

Boo Meadows has a very vivid imagination so much so that she has trouble separating from the real world. Her daydreams are full of magic, but her reality is not so extraordinary. As she grows closer with Mimi, a new student at school, it may finally be time for Boo to face reality . . . Who is the real Mimi? The one in her dreams? Or the one in real life?

Rainbow! is perfect for fans of Heartstopper and Magical Boy, full of heart, adorable illustrations, and a storyline that any teenager can relate to!

Start reading Rainbow! Volume 1 now!

Your Blood, My Bones by Kelly Andrew

A seductively twisted romance about loyalty, fate, the lengths we go to hide the darkest parts of ourselves . . . and the people who love those parts most of all.

Wyatt Westlock has one plan for the farmhouse she's just inherited -- to burn it to the ground. But she makes a shocking discovery in the basement -- Peter, the boy she once considered her best friend, strung up in chains and left for dead. Semi-immortal and bound to the farm, Peter has suffered hundreds of ritualistic deaths on the property. The only way for him to break free is to kill Wyatt. When the past turns up to haunt them in the most unexpected way, they are forced to rely on one another to survive, or else tear each other apart.

Start reading Your Blood, My Bones now!

The Kill Factor by Ben Oliver

Critically acclaimed author Ben Oliver delivers an action-packed thrill ride with deadly high stakes that presents a captivating examination of the dark truths around the criminal justice system. A brand-new game show that offers young criminals the chance at freedom has been greenlit. Little do they know, winning is their only chance at survival.

Start reading The Kill Factor now!

The Immortal Games by Annaliese Avery

The Blood Moon marks the start of the Immortal Games. The Gods of Olympus randomly select humans as their tokens and then gamble with their lives. The stakes are high and survival is unlikely.

16-year-old Ara is seeking revenge on the Gods for allowing her sister to die in the games. She's determined to be selected as a token, but when she is, she realizes that it isn’t just her life at stake, but also her heart. With the odds stacked against her, it will take an unlikely hero to twist her rage into something much more complicated. Ara is playing in the games of life and death . . . and love. What will she sacrifice?

Start reading The Immortal Games now!

I Will Follow by Eireann Corrigan

The first time Nora saw one of Shea's videos on TikTok, something just clicked. You know how you can see someone and know you're supposed to be in each other’s lives? Well, that's how Nora felt. She knows Shea is a big star, with nearly a million followers, and Nora isn't. But, really, all Nora needs is her own viral moment. And who better to help her with that than Shea

If life isn't going to give Nora entry into Shea's world, Nora's going to have to take matters into her own hands. Meeting Shea. Kidnapping her. Holding her hostage until Shea finally understands . . . They are meant to be best, best friends.

Start reading I Will Follow now!

Trajectory by Cambria Gordan

Seventeen-year-old Eleanor is nothing like her hero Eleanor Roosevelt. She is timid and all together uncertain that she has much to offer the world. And as World War II rages overseas, Eleanor is consumed with worry for her Jewish relatives in Europe. When a chance encounter proves her to be a one-in-a-generation math whiz--a fact she has worked hard all her life to hide--Eleanor gets recruited by the US Army and entrusted with the ultimate challenge: to fine-tune a top-secret weapon that will help America defeat its enemies in World War II and secure the world’s freedom. This could be her chance to help save her family in Poland. But before she can solve this complicated problem, she must learn to unlock a bigger mystery: herself.

Start reading Trajectory now!

[auromelt]

since all four are played by idols, who among fujio tsukasa ryo and kohei do you think can sing and who can’t

oh i like this question 👁️ i’ve thought about it before, when the four of them released that ost (which btw is gunning for my soty on spotify wrapped). the actors are all such great singers it makes me feel a bit crazy that we’ll probably never get another song from them together 😒 but anyways onto the question! and i’m gonna add a little bit of karaoke headcanon because i’m mentally ill and i can’t stop thinking about it now.

can sing: ryo, tsukasa

can’t sing: fujio

will not ever sing unless for ryo: kohei

all four actors sing very well btw, so this next part purely refers to the characters. just a disclaimer. i spent some time on godforsaken nct stan twt the ppl there are literally insane.

headcanons

let’s imagine them in a karaoke setting. somehow all four of them ended up in a room together and no fights have erupted. here they’re just friends and not enemies where one side tried to kidnap and murder the other.

this will be a bit shippy because well… hehe :3 if you don’t wanna see that just stop reading at the part about the bill

fujio’s the first to grab the mic and he sqwaks into it. his lack of talent is absolutely incredible. tsukasa’s ears actually bleed a little.

like if anyone’s watched kaguya-sama love is war, it’s like shirogane trying to sing. he simply shouldn’t.

i imagine like… an akb song playing or something. or maybe like yoasobi and LiSA. but whoever it is, fujio is ruining the prestige of their musical careers by singing their songs.

but he’s having so much fun that nobody actually has the heart to stop him and he thinks he sounds great.

“nobody” until kohei snaps and grabs the mic and shoves it into ryo’s hands instead, instead of telling fujio he literally sucks, he just accuses him of hogging the mic and says it’s ryo’s turn

fujio pulls out the second mic and is like great suzaki lets duet 🤩 and tsukasa’s like erm no. and snatches the mic away and tsukasa and ryo do a duet which actually sounds pretty great

fujio: “you guys are just okay i guess :/” amagai: “you’re literally delusional”

anyways back to tsukasa and ryo, they sound incredible alone and together, it’s literally like listening to a live concert. fujio’s always known tsukasa can sing so he’s not surprised but this is all of their first times hearing ryo sing and who knew he possessed pipes like that. kohei might have to nepo him into a singing career at the end of the session

one song later and ryo’s trying to pass kohei the mic and kohei's like hell no. he already had no plans to sing but going after tsukasa and ryo is basically like trying to kill his own pride. he urges ryo to go ahead and tells him he liked hearing ryo sing, which makes ryo blush and tsukasa roll his eyes.

after a few songs, since they’re fair, they let fujio back on the mic before he can start sulking over it. back to torture. kohei walks out for “air” but really he’s just sick of hearing fujio’s voice

meanwhile, ryo seems to be the only person to not realise fujio can’t sing and he enjoys singing with fujio so they do a duet with the two microphones they were provided and fujio is delighted. he decides ryo has to be his karaoke buddy from now on because he’s “finally found someone who appreciates his talent and real music”

kohei ends up with the bill even though he didn’t even sing once and tsukasa and fujio leave immediately like peace out have fun settling that

szam part :3 (separated bc i feel nice today. don’t get used to it. szam are soulmates in my head.)

first, whether they’re dating or not is completely up to u, but there are definitely feelings involved 🙏

since fujio and tsukasa dipped, kohei and ryo are alone now and kohei’s like goddamn they’re finally gone and he drags ryo back to the room and extends their session another 45 minutes and tosses the mic to ryo like okay sing for me

kohei picks out all the songs from the machine that he wants ryo to sing for him and ryo does without a complaint, happy that kohei likes his voice, even if he’s a little shy with kohei’s gaze fixated on him while he sings and there are no more other people to lessen the intensity of the atmosphere

kohei makes sure ryo drinks enough water so his throat doesn’t shrivel up from all the singing and he kinda feels like a manager of a top idol which is not a pleasant feeling because in what world would he ever have to take orders from anyone? but it’s ryo so he just finds it kinda cute instead.

when the final song comes on, it’s a duet and ryo hesitates a little before offering kohei the other mic and looking at him with pleading eyes and kohei cant say no to those eyes or ryo’s hopeful expression. he takes the mic and joins ryo for the duet

kohei’s voice is mid. he’s not awful like fujio but he’s not good like ryo and tsukasa it’s just extremely mid. but because ryo is a bum loser who is in love with him, kohei sounds amazing to him and they finish the duet together with ryo beaming at him and kohei just smiling back, both fond and exasperated.

did i ever mention that kohei is like completely incapable of denying ryo anything in the auromelt cinematic universe? because he can’t

kohei makes ryo promise he’ll go with kohei to a studio he plans to rent and record some songs so kohei can add them to his playlist and he Would offer to make ryo an industry plant in the music industry as well but he doesn’t because he can’t imagine ryo getting fans and him having to share ryo’s attention

anyways big tl;dr ryo is unexpectedly the best singer of the four followed closely by tsukasa and then there’s a wall and then it’s kohei and then there’s 6 more walls and behind them is fujio. on that note, fujio and ryo are now karaoke buddies who go every 3 weeks or so. kohei always joins them just to listen to ryo, but he only sings when no one else but ryo is around.

[noxturnalpascal]

WIP Wednesday - the chase

Thank you @gracieispunk for the tag. I love you bb 💜

If you want to, you can check out last week's WIP Wed snippet of The Chase HERE

Another WIP Wednesday - another (raw, unedited, unbeta'd) snippet of my upcoming release - The Chase, which is a follow-up to my debut fic on here - The Hunted.

*****NSFW SNIP BELOW*****

One afternoon last month he entered a small room in a dump outside of Lafayette, LA, where the guest complained the door wouldn’t lock properly. Without even needing the masterkey, he entered the empty room and was overwhelmed with the feminine smell that hit him immediately. An open suitcase laid on the bed, items of clothing draped along the side. A bottle of perfume, hand lotion, and lip gloss sat on the dresser next to the TV. Each item his eyes landed on was more tempting than the last. 

How badly he wanted to snatch a piece of clothing, to pocket the perfume, to leave the lock unfixed so he could return to the room later and put his hands around the throat of the woman who was staying there. It took every ounce of self control to only fix the lock and leave empty-handed. He couldn’t give into his urges. He couldn’t draw any attention. He couldn’t risk you hearing about his lapse in judgment.

He checked out of the hotel that very day and drove into Mississippi to escape the scent of the room with the now-fixed lock. You were on his mind the entire drive. He hadn’t thought about you that much in a long time. But as he laid in his tent in the growing dark, his mind was consumed by you. He couldn’t remember what you smelled like, but he imagined. He barely got the chance to touch your skin last time, but he fantasized. He definitely recalled what you felt like; the weight of you bouncing on his lap, the wetness of your cunt. Your moans played on repeat in his mind as he, not for the first time, fucked his fist while dreaming of fucking you again. 

As his cum spills over his hand, he wonders if this delusion will ever come true. Will he get to fuck you again? Will he want to? Will you want to? What will happen if you catch him? Sex might be the last thing on your mind. You’re fucking crazy. You might just kill him. He might not even see it coming.

I'm so excited for this next part, I am working on it and am aiming to get it out in under a week. Thank you so much for all the love and support on The Hunted.

No pressure tags to some writers I am really really enjoying lately (xoxo love you all!) @iamasaddie @wannab-urs @atticrissfinch @missannwinchester @beskarandblasters @xdaddysprincessxx

[sushisocks]

omg imagine if sean got his own game like about his childhood and ending just before he met dutch and hosea with a full soundtrack and developed characters THAT WILL COMPLETE ME

God, Anon, what I wouldn't give for ANY MORE INFORMATION about Sean and what his life was like prior to the gang. His timeline & backstory has so many vague elements to them, to the point that parsing some things are REALLY hard (I think I definitely can say it's fucking hard, given the amount of research I've done to answer some asks abt his background before!!).

But for me, a big part of Sean's appeal is the -- unfulfilled potential? Which is obviously part of the POINT with both his & Lenny's deaths (Lenny moreso, but I digress), but I've always been drawn towards characters with a lot of unanswered questions left in their wake and we don't even actually know Sean's AGE.

So like, YES OBVIOUSLY, if a game revolving around Sean was ever released, I'd fucking die, yall would see insanity on this blog like never before. I'd be posting like a bitch in heat! Though do I think a game abt Sean is likely? Of course not. And do I want one? Well, not necessarily?

For one I don't know how a game focused on Sean's backstory would fit into the themes of the Red Dead series, nor am I sure such a game would be as emotionally fulfilling or have the same kind of impact when we already KNOW where he ends up and what happens to him. (Sidenote; this is sort of why I'm not necessarily hankering for a RDR3 focused on the gang in the early days. A prologue to the prologue feels in many ways redundant.) Obviously I'd still be FERAL if R* decided to do a game about him anyway, but I'd be SUPER curious as to how they worked around these aspects of his story.

What I REALLY want is literally just like. A booklet with more information about him. But not so much that it ruins what I find fun about him, if that makes sense? I don't necessarily WANT to know his exact age when he died, but I DO want to know what age he was when he came to America, or how long he stayed in reform school.

ALTERNATIVELY a DLC with even more missions with him or content about him in ch2/3 would be much appreciated. I've been putting off going to see him in RDO because I know I need to be like -- ready for it, lol.

I WOULD LOVE more soundtracks dedicated to him though 🙃 And maybe more info about the people in his life who were important to him prior to the gang, besides his dad. (Ive been thinking a lot about that RDO line when you first meet him, where he says he lost the gang because he went off killing a guy he owed a killing to. WHO IS THIS GUY???? WHAT DID HE DO FOR SEAN OF ALL PEOPLE TO HUNT HIM DOWN????? I have my thoughts and theories but ohh my god this one haunts me man.)

ANYWAY Thank u anon, I hope u don't mind me using this ask as another opportunity to rant, because that's obviously ALL I DO LMAO