#first one was used to thank my moots for being so awesome and staying with me

[amentet-draws]

Some of lastyear's holiday drawings. Wanted to post them all after Christmas and New Year but forgot...

[vxntxque]

𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 2022

✉️ : To @theglitterymess

Dear Shannon,

You’re the Ron to my Harry, JJ to my John B , Sirius to my James and Minx to my twinkletoes. You made the year 2022 so much amazing and delightful for me. We had few rough moments but we stayed together and sailed our chaotic boat of dumbassryy acroos the sea of misery and bullshit lol. You have done so so much for me and I’m beyondddd grateful to have a friend like you in my life. You are like the first person i come to whenever something good happens in my life bcoz i wanna share every single piece and second of my happiness with you. You are always ALWAYS encouraging me and pushing me to do better when I’m feeling low and drained. I love it when you share small details about your life with me and how we plan to take over the world together and go to universal studios and have lots of fucking one. I walked into 2022 with many friends but now only few are standing with me and you are one of them. Thank you for always having my back. One day im gonna come to London and annoy the shit out of you like for real until you beg me to leave you alone. Love you to the moon and back ♾️

✉️ to : @parkersdahlia

Dear Ema,

From ghost hunting to trauma bonding- everything i do with you is so so so fun and special. You are one of the sweetest and wisest soul I’ve met on this site and oh gosh i have so much admiration for you in my heart. You are like my long distance older sister with whom i share a warm and sweet bond. You always put others first no matter what and tbh you are so selfless it makes me angry likeeee gurlll you are too good TOO GOOD. You always listen to my rona dhona and console me with such great compassion and gentleness. I wish i could take all your sadness and problems away and give you lots of hugs , taylor swift merchandise and tickets to gracie abrams concert lmaooo. Thank you for making 2022 bearable and so much enjoyable. Love gossiping with you heheh. Cheers to us !!!! I love youuuu

✉️ to : @moonys-bf

Dear Archer ,

Even tho im like 2 years older than you i feel like you are much more mature and wiser than me💀 all i wanna say is that I’m so tremendously proud of you. You inspire me so freaking much. Your sass level? Stan. Your aura and personality? STANNNNNNN. You are one so god damn loyal and protective when it comes to yout friends and its really admirable. You are hella funny and also very very supportive and understanding. Thank you for all the amazing memories and moments! I adore you and i love you!🤍🤍🤍

✉️ to : @kenzie-wr1tes

Hii kenzie,

I just wanna thank you for being an amazing rp partner. You are such a creative and bright person! You are always so sweet and understanding . Rping with you is so much fun and cool!! Thank you so much for being such an awesome and inspiring person! Have a holly jolly new year!!!

✉️ to : @bowiesbows

Hi hi! I am aware that we are not super close and dont talk at all but i wanted to say few things heh. You were one of my very first moots when i joined tumblr. You have always been so kind amd welcoming! You went through lots of shit and like you have such a courageous and big heart! I hope this new year will bring shit ton of happiness and joy in your life!

In the end i just wanna say

HAPPY NEW YEAR YA FILTHY ANIMALS 💀🤍

[rou-luxe]

Hello! In case I'm the confusing Alfons lurker, I want to say apologies for the confusion! I'm on my first-ever Tumblr account since it is easier to navigate the site with an account for some reason nowadays. In the past few months I've seen posts saying that reblogs > likes, and *sometimes* I try to act accordingly. At least, I thought I acted accordingly--I failed to realize I actually need to always say something when I'm reblogging! In the future, when I am reblogging and am feeling brave, I can strive to say thanks (and maybe even squee or express fascination with/annoyance at Alfons or other characters). Thanks to your tags and people's posts; I'm slowly figuring things out. Thank you for being awesome and for your brainrot, and I hope you have an excellent day!!!

hello!! first of all welcome to tumblr hell!! hope you enjoy your stay. second of all it's not you, no worries 😭 this one person found their way to my "biggest fans" section for the month mostly by likes... (scary... that's why I'm confused)

mmmm keep in mind that I'm fairly new as well. I'm still learning things right now... I overthink things a lot, this is how I would react too ngl 💀💀 don't feel guilty, this is a mistake on my part... I'm sorry for making you feel this way... I didn't mean for it to sound like I'm targeting people

don't feel obligated to say something when reblogging!! for me at least, it's always appreciated to hear people's thoughts on my work, but there's no pressure to do so at all ❤️❤️ if you're feeling a bit shy no worries - you'll find moots and come out of your shell eventually. I think I mainly learned Tumblr etiquette through observation.

and yes - rb > likes. it spreads the post and gives us a dopamine boost /lh even more so when we see little silly comments in the tags 😭😭

I think I did mention somewhere in that post that I was a lurker when I first joined too... just a natural rite maybe? 😭😭 by some miracle, if someone happens to find their way all the way at the bottom of my blog, there's literally just a few occasional reblogs within the first few months...

remember there's nothing wrong with lurking it's just that that interaction is always appreciated 💯 we brainrot together

my dms are open to the general public for anything. if you'd like to ask anything at all, go right ahead, I don't mind in the slightest ❤️❤️

[absolutepokemontrash]

I come bearing a request! The Brothers with an MC who's really good at cooking and baking? Like, the stuff food blogs dream of. Master-level instagram pastries. Could compete with the chocolate guy if they put their mind to it.

👀 ooooo, I do love me some pastries-

(I know you have an *ahem* distaste for Lucifer, dear moot, so enjoy Lucifer acting like a bit of a dingus in his section!)

Lucifer

Oh, the human can cook. *insert asshole eyeroll here*. Great. Wonderful. Groundbreaking. That’s what’s got all his brothers acting like- what was that word Levi used? Simps? This human has turned six of the seven rulers of hell into a bunch of simps.

Sure, the human has near godlike cooking prowess. Sure, everyone looks forward to their day for cooking. And sure, everyone thinks the human’s pretty great.

Tsk, not him though. He’s a refined demon. Some silly food isn’t going to make him a lovesick fool… did he smell eclairs..?

Lucifer peered into the kitchen to see MC carefully taking a tray of eclairs out of the oven and letting them cool off on the counter. His favourite dessert… right there in front of him…

Due to not being a total moron, MC notices Lucifer and asks him what the hell he’s doing just standing ominously in the doorway. Lucifer makes up some bullshit excuse about reminding MC to do their homework and just leaves. Okay, game plan, he needs those fucking eclairs or he will spontaneously combust.

As he snuck into the kitchen that night, Lucifer took a moment to briefly wonder why he was creeping around his own house. He was the Avatar of Pride for pity’s sake! He could eat whatever he damn well pleased! Oh shit was someone coming- no? Okay, back to sneaking.

Lucifer crept into the kitchen, saw the eclairs, and all logic was thrown out the window. Time to eat!

“BEEL NO! NOT THE- Lucifer..?” “…” “…” “…you’re very talented, MC, do you mind making more of these?”

SOMEONE SNAP A PICTURE! THIS IS THE CLOSEST LUCIFER HAS GOTTEN TO BEGGING IN THE LAST THOUSAND YEARS!

Mammon

Ugh, stuck babysittin’ some dumb human, how lame…

As Mammon was throwing a “I’m broke and I’m stuck in a pact with a dumb human” pity party, the most heavenly smell entered his nostrils. Cooking… good cooking… was Barbatos visiting or somethin’? Nah, Lucifer woulda made a big fuss about gettin’ ready for Lord Diavolo. Huh, so what was goin’ on in the kitchen?

Huh? The human? The human can cook? Well damn, maybe this whole deal wouldn’t be so bad. Oi! MC! As payment for babysittin’ ‘em, he got to have an extra big share of- OW!

Did- did the human just hit him with a spoon?! Th-they can’t do that!

Apparently they fucking can. Mammon gets told to sit the fuck down and wait for the food like everyone else. He grumbles on the way to the dining room, but he can’t fully hide his excitement to try the food.

The food even looked pretty! How did they do that?! Magic. It had to be!

After everyone’s tastebuds were blessed with the heavenly substance that is MC’s culinary exploits, Mammon decides he needs to get on this human’s good side in order to receive more food! Maybe even find some way to make a profit or somethin’!

After weeks go by of trying to suck up to the human without looking like too much of a chump, Mammon eventually realizes… hey, this human ain’t so bad. They’re nice, they make him feel good about himself, they give him headpats… he’s really hit the jackpot here!

He’ll offer to help MC bake or cook, but beware, he will try and sample the food before it’s done. Don’t let him lick the spoon!!!

Leviathan

First thought? This human ain’t shit. Thought after seeing their food? WOAAAAAAAH! JUST LIKE THAT ONE ANIME-

He was unceremoniously cut off by Beel asking demanding seconds. Humph, fine, he doesn’t actually care about this dumb normie food anyway.

…well at least until Levi saw a little something something on TV that he just had to ask MC to try and make. He shyly knocked on their door and when they answered, Levi shoved the screenshot in their face and stuttered out a dinner request.

On the day MC was supposed to make dinner, Levi poked his head into the kitchen and tried to make it look like he was just standing in the same room as MC and not checking to see if they were making his dinner request.

Not that he’d blame them for not doing that… who’d wanna make some anime dinner for a yucky Otaku- OMG JAHSHSHABA THEY’RE MAKING IT! *fangirl squeals*

As Levi continues to commit the SIN of being in the kitchen at the same time as someone else, MC eventually just asks him if he’d like to help out.

“Here! Just keep turning the takoyaki.” “R-really? You trust me?” “Yes, Levi. You watched how they made it on your show, right?” “Yes! I won’t mess up! I swear on my honour as an otaku!”

All in all, it was a very cute bonding experience for the two. Now it’s a regular thing. Levi requests something for dinner or dessert, MC makes it, Levi helps out.

Satan

So, the human can cook. That’s nice. At least someone in this literally god forsaken house can.

He makes sure to thank MC every time they cook, then he makes sure to thank whatever deity is watching over him that Solomon wasn’t the human staying with them.

As the months progress, Satan realizes, he should learn how to cook better. I mean, Levi and Mammon were somehow both improving in their cooking endeavours, and if MC could teach those two, then he would be a breeze.

Satan walked into the kitchen and simply asked if MC needed any assistance with what they were doing. MC just slid him some garlic to dice and that’s how this mentor/student relationship was formed.

Satan was a star pupil, but Mammon and Levi weren’t above trying to sabotage Satan’s progress to get him to leave.

Here’s the thing, the sabotage worked, but it only worked once, and the two idiots didn’t stop to think that maybe they shouldn’t sabotage the meal they were going to have to eat later.

Well, cooking lessons continued uninterrupted after the ghost pepper incident…

Even when he’s ‘graduated’ their little cooking class, Satan’s always willing to lend a hand if needed. He also will slyly hand over some recipe books and cute baking supplies that he finds. MC should be prepared for lots of cat related things to come their way.

Asmodeus

The human can cook? Oh frabcious day! He’s saved from a life of his brother’s mediocre cooking! And the human’s so cute too! What a bonus!

Not only is the human cute, but their food is just so… aesthetic??? Pretty???? Omigosh he just has to get a picture for Devilgram!

For the first few months, MC’s relationship with Asmo consists of Asmo not at all subtly asking to take pictures of their food and post it to his Devilgram. Listen MC, his followers would just love it!

Being the saint-sheep they are, MC lets Asmo sit in whenever they’re making anything in the kitchen. And Asmo slowly realizes “hey, this cute human with the awesome food is actually pretty cool too!”

New Mission: Make the human fall madly in love with him so they’ll want to hang out more.

Whether the mission succeeds is up to MC of course. (I mean, I’m already smitten with him sooooooooo-)

MC offers Asmo a lot of the pastries they make, but the Avatar of Lust almost always declines. Listen honey, he’s on a diet- wait, don’t make that sad face! He’ll eat it! Look! It’s- it’s delicious…

Diet cheat day is now every day MC makes dessert. The feeling of bliss Asmo gets when he takes a bite out of anything MC makes is only second of the treats is second only to the joy he feels at seeing MC happy that he likes their food. It’s just so wholesome I can’t-

MC’s food Devilgram has almost surpassed Asmo in terms of followers and honestly- he isn’t even mad.

Beelzebub

Gasp! Lucifer finally got him the pet personal chef he’d always wanted! Thanks big bro! :D he’ll be sure not to eat this human!

On the first night MC was supposed to make dinner, Lucifer needed to hold Beel back from breaking into the kitchen to see what was causing that heavenly smell. It was, difficult… especially because Lucifer hadn’t slept in three days.

When they all sat down to eat, Beel practically inhaled everything and held up his half bitten plate for seconds.

We here at Stupid Headcanons incorporated recommend that MC have as many bodyguards as possible stationed around the kitchen at all times to ward off a hungry Beel. We don’t want him eating the ingredients and half-tempered chocolate.

A cinnamon roll through and through, he’ll eat everything MC gives him with a big ol’ smile on his cute little face. He’s not the best person to go to if MC wants advice or critique because the best thing Beel can usually muster is “it was really good.”

As Luke said in Lesson 5, Beel would make an awful food reporter. But we love him.

Similar to Levi, he’ll give meal requests on what to make for dinner. (At this rate, MC’s going to have to make some kind of list).

He kind of just waits by the door like a sad puppy whenever MC is making anything because he can’t get into the kitchen :(

Belphegor

The smell of freshly made chocolate chip cookies wafting through the house did reach the attic and it only fuelled his rage more. How dare the human win everyone over with cookies?!

After the attic incident, Belphie was won over with cookies.

Belphie just stands creepily in the kitchen doorway whenever MC is making anything and just makes shit really uncomfortable. Why’s he doing that, you may be wondering, well, he’s trying to calculate the energy needed to swipe the bowl of cookie dough and sprint to safety.

He never succeeds, mainly because once he gets to the bowl, MC already has the wooden spoon ready to smack him, so he just freezes mid-theft and slowly puts the bowl down.

“Oh my gosh, it says let the bread dough rest overnight? Let’s get a headstart and go to sleep now.” “Belphie what-” “I made a pillow Fort, come in. Let’s sleep.” “In the kitchen????”

How’d he make the pillow Fort without MC noticing? Years of experience. He’s trained in the art of- MC? What do you mean you can’t sleep right now and you need to get a head start on shaping fondant?

…he may have eaten the fondant while MC wasn’t looking… whoops… Beel may have rubbed off on him a little…

[blanknamed]

happy happy new years to everyone :))

just wanna say i really had an amazing year despite the rough start and end of 2021. i hope everyone stays safe and healthy!

here's some moots i'm extremely grateful for and i hope the sentiments similar under the cut

BACK TO NAVI

my discount sbi moots aka @redhoodsoot @thatplanetmarz @genesisrose74 and @sharkie-pog !

i like to see them as my very first friends and my tumblr family :)) i'm so glad to have met them and have them deal with my nonsense without any sign of (serious) judgement.

they all also write some pretty banger fics if i'll be honest and are the main reasons why i decided to come out of my shell and write. i also love the little banter i have going on for each and every one of them, albeit most of it being siblings-esque banter.

they really helped me grow in terms of confidence in my writing and confidence in myself outside of the computer! they helped me learn that caring for yourself is not at all selfish and people are kind (and not weird old men) no matter where you are or what your life is like, you just need to let yourself learn who's good enough for you :))

next up is @hufflepuff-writings

kait was probably the next person i decided to reach out to on a risk of not knowing if she'll ever respond. they're a ray of sunshine i love talking to when i manage to catch her on the same time i'm on tumblr as well. i was so honored to be tagged into her event and just being in the same prescence as them in general so i hope to experience more in the near future!

the one and only @mcytmushroom

met shroom by chance and honest to god we practically message each other on a day to day basis now, usually on discords, most times on snap. i was really happy to make them comfortable enough to let us get as close to each other as possible and i really, really hope we stay that way because, honestly, i don't know what my life is like with this snarky little shit.

and then here we have @inniterhq

edgy teenager. that's all i can say. also, i remember seeing sapnap's feet on my feed because of art's little... anons. very horrifying, but a core memory i can't shake when i go on tumblr so this is a thank you but also fuck you /j for putting that there. i hope getting hammy cheek'd was good payback for the unsolicited feet pics.

along with edgy teenger is other edgy teenager @mitzimania

just wanna point out to everyone that i turn 21 next month and not some anceint age mitzi tells y'all. like art, i saw mitzi through my search feed and thought vir writing was really good. ngl, i was lowkey shy to even say anything to mitzi for a while before hiking up my big boy pants and actually talk to vir before i realized mitzi is a little edgy shit lord like art 😐

astrology bestie @earthtooz

the minute crystals were mentioned i just knew earth and i would be tight. also said "that makes sm sense" when i said i mainly had aquarius in my placements and that kinda made me laugh. i hope she enjoys my crystal updates even though they're lowkey annoying WUXHWH if you want your charts read at some point, please go to earth if she has time. also one of her fics made me cry so

and to my favorite steamer @cherios

like most of my mutuals, i stumbled into cher's streaming by chance and thought it was funny to make stupid jokes in chat. i haven't gone into streams in a while due to some family related blockades (i'm sorry cher 😐💔💔), BUT cher has some awesome stories and an even more awesome personality so please follow and enjoy the posts she makes!

also, my favorite streamer @mikeyinnit

very patient. lovely moot. please love mikey and his writing i think they deserve sm attention. they are also very fun to watch in terms of streaming and is working very hard with making connections! love love love mikey please love them as much as me :))

next up is @strawberrymilkgeorge

finally @sunniewrites

fizzy usually gets bullied by me and shroom ngl (esp with that one sven comment WUDHEH im sorry if that's too much LMAO) BUT fizzy is amazing, funny, and overall the sweetest person i met so i love having met them and i hope to talk to her more since everyone lowkey disappeared near the middle of the school year starting, including me. i promise i'll be more active on your server, fizzy ;-; i'm just a little awkward WHSHAH

@basilly , another edgy teenager

one if the contributors on the "arielle is old" joke but i couldn't have it any other way. just like mitzi, i was scared to approach basil until i realized that all of them remind me of littile chihuahuas harassing me 😌 /j we haven't talked much lately but i hope once basil sees this they have an amazing year!

a ray of sunshine, pun intended. hurt sunnie's feelings and you're seeing the end of my bully stick (a promise, not a threat). very happy of have met them and gracing my feed constantly!

some more people i'd like to thank: my anons! don't think i haven't forgotten you guys i miss y'all 😩 playlist anon is the most active (and is also a beta reader for one of my fics so very grateful for my ading for that) BUT i love every single one of y'all for asking to be my anon and i hope to hear from you guys more :))

i'm also very grateful for my followers! we're at around 700+ right now and that's honestly amazing! i'm so happy my writing makes you guys happy enough to follow me and reblog my post you guys are the best ♥️♥️

hope you guys have a happy new year and hopefully we interact more! i'm sorry if i dropped off the face of the earth sometimes; college is a stressful part of my life but is something i find necessary to help me meet my end goals in life. love y'all!

12/31/2021 [10:01PM EST]

BACK TO NAVI

[hikari-writes]

❅A Love Letter I Have to My Lovely and Beloved Friends❅

(I just know that 30 july was a national friendship day and today is like 31 july already at where I am but,,, just pretend that this is also for National Friendship Day 🤡🔫)

As you all know, it's been confirmed that I'll be going on a hiatus two days from now that I really don't know how long it will go on. So, with that in mind, I wished to leave this message to all the wonderful friends I've made while I was active here on Tumblr during quarantine.

I've started this writing blog a few months ago, to be precise, on May where life in quarantine was starting to become a norm. In the few months until now, I did my best to start writing and drawing more using all the free times that I have.

I wouldn't have expected this blog to grow so much in such a short time. To me, it was really mind blowing, seeing that there's a lot of other great content creators here on Tumblr. Yet, the 300+ people who stumbled upon my blog still decided to follow me.

I was really happy to have made many contents that I'm actually proud of posting. And I still can't believe there are people out there who love them. Seeing every one of your comments and reblogs and likes really, really, squeezed my heart and I couldn't be more thankful for your support.

And during these fun times, I was able to make friends with many amazing, talented, fantastic and all the good words I could find in the dictionary people on here. You all are a real gift to me and I hold you guys close to my heart.

I still can't believe I was able to befriend you guys though, like, y'all are so amazing and I was just here like squeaking my name to you like a shy mice lmao. =///= Anyways, thank you for all the good and fun times. Thank you for being with me and helping me with lots of things. Just, thank you for everything. (I'm writing this at 1am like it's sad hours yall I'm crying :')))

If you are ever feeling down, do not ever forget that, even if it's only me, I'll support you to the end of the world because you're just so amazing and fantastic. I love you and never let any hate that's thrown at you let you down because they aren't worth your time.

The people I'll be mentioning below are my dear friends or just people that I have been interacting with during the times I was online, little or not, I still consider you guys to be my friends (very self-proclaimed here sorry)and I'm still honoured by that fact.

@your-local-bnha-writer -Bean, you and your posts are always so wholesome and cute and I love them. Keep being amazing, and we may not interact much, but I still appreciate every little convos we had. Also, wish you luck on tpn, that shit hurted :')

@identifybby -Liaaaa, omg im so v v grateful we became friends. You've helped me with a tons of things and I can't thank you enough for everything you've done to me. You're just so amazing and thank you for always putting up with me, i love you sm.

@minteasketches -Mintea! You're such an amazing artist and I rlly enjoyed our conversations! You might not see this since you're off socmed but just wanna let u know that thank u for being my friends.

@yandere-of-your-dreams -Heyyy sis,, you're always such a sweet bean to me and showering me w love and i appreciate them, stay amazing and I'm sure you'll become an amazing writer.

@shotobabe -Ren, wifey, ilysm thank u for always being with me. You're such an awesome person and keep on being yourself. You're perfect and talented, don't let others tell you otherwise. AND while I'm gone, don't forget to drink lots of water okay? I won't be able to remind you while I'm on a hiatus, but please always remember to drink water. That'd be the first thing I'll ask you once I'm able to be online. And please try to eat more okay bb? I love u.

@takumipineapplexd -Taku! Amazing writer and amazing editor, yes I'm talking about you. You're amazing and keep on making cursed content and being crackhead, i love them.

@bnhabadass -We might not talk much, but I just want to let you know that you're so amazing and I look up to u v much. Literally had a heart attack when u commented on angel wings lmao.

@tomomoni -Mon, love, soft bean, I LOVE U. You've always been so wholesome and cute to every one of your followers and seeing ur interactions literally heals my heart. Your art is amazing so continue being amazing ilysm thank u for being an amazing advisor and listener, I'm v grateful for that. You have no idea how blessed I am to have you as a friend. Meeting you through turn on your airdrop's fanart was F A T E.

@kamabukokompachiro -First time u asked my permission to read my fanfic, I legit teared up. Thank u sm for asking, I couldn't be happier to know that my fic is worthy to be read over for a yt channel. Keep on being amazing and ily.

@kaminii -Kamiiiii, sweet child, you're always so matured and calm and I really adore and respect that part of you (unlike me im v childish and rash) You're an amazing writer and editor and ur aesthetic? 100/10. Love it. You're so talented despite being so young and I'm just, WOW. Ily and thank u for being friends w me. And please fix your sleeping schedule bb. It's rlly not good for your health, like please? Ily.

@katsucutie -I love you and your writing so v much, and I rlly enjoyed talking to you, discussing about Burn Book was rlly fun. I might not be able to know the ending since im gonna go on a hiatus but I'll be sure to catch up to it once im back. Keep being amazing and awesome.

@isolshi -CHERIE, I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE AMAZING. Don't be so insecure about your writing. They're amazing. And you're also one of the sweetest and cute person I've met here. I always love teasing you cause your reaction is always so funny and cute. Keep being awesome. And please, please, please get enough sleep and drink LOTS of water. I legit would cry if you don't drink more water cher.

@mirakeul -BIANCAAAAA LOVE YOU'RE SO AMAZING AND SWEET LiKE--- please, I love talking to you and thank you so much for always reminding me to eat. Your calligraphy and handwriting are awesome, shshh i don't take criticism. Never stop writing, I love them. And please never forget I love you and you're my best friend okay?

@roxybefab -You've always been the first to ask me to be on my taglist and I'm so v happy because of that. Thank you for everything, and keep on being awesome. You can do this, ily.

@princessofdawn718 -Talking to you about Hamefura has been so fun! I haven't talked w many ppl about isekai so im rlly glad I could talk about them w you. Katarina x nicol ftw! Thanks for talking to me, it was such a pleasure rlly.

@softkodzuken -Maam your writing is A M A Z I N G. I love anon sm and you're rlly so sweet for always replying to every single comment on them. Don't be so insecure about them, they're amazing and i will always stand by that point. Wishing you the best of luck for Undercover!

@lolitsleia -Your art is *chef's kiss* i love them so much, I still can't believe you hadn't had more recognition like why?? Ur oc alex is the cutest thing ever and i love her. Thank you again for drawing Yuki. She looked really beautiful and cute in your drawing.

@samanthaa-leanne -We may not talk much, but when you first followed me back, my heart goes B O O M. You're so amazing and keep being like that. And uh,, good luck with Violet Evergarden if you ever plan to watch it. Prepare a couple of tissue boxes....or dozens.

@miyumtwins -Fellow android users! I first saw you through Bean's post about a tag game and i was like *gasp* another androiders..! I swear that one time i was interacting w you, I didn't actually meant to go off anon,, yes im dumb lmao. Anyways, you're rlly amazing and I'm rlly honoured to be followed by you.

@kawasuno -Your smau? 100/10. Your sense of humour 100/10. They're just so perfect *chef's kiss* I love every one of your updates and they always managed to put a smile on my face, i was like, how did you do that? My sense of humour is nonexistant, teach me your ways sensei. But anyways, you're rlly amazing and awesome. Keep up w that.

@kukusbabe -Tsu, I've never said this, but it's you. It's always been you all along. What i mean is, I've followed you first (i knew u through zara's flopping server yeah!) And when i looked at my dash and saw all your interactions w your moots, despite me haven't legally started haikyuu yet, i decided to follow all of them, soooo if it's not for you, we may not have met each other. Everyone in the kita family, Tsu is the MVP here muah. Also your aesthethic and writing and everything is so kajsjhendnd amazing i LOvE---

@iwaixiumi -King Nami, you're so awesome and amazing,, and I'm really glad to be able to interact w you. All those songs you recommend? Yeah, I'm going to listen and love all of them, thank u so much for the recs. Keep being amazing and to everyone reading this, PLEASE INTERACT WITH KING NAMI MORE SHE DOESN'T BITE---

@shoutodoki -Hello, you're so amazing and talented and im just,,, kekkdjfjdj when you followed me--- and when u figured out i was the anon talking about oboro i was OAKSJEJDDJ please, i was so honoured u know, like ???? Anyways, keep on writing what you love and your art maam? THEY'RE AMAZING LIKE BOTH YOUR ART AND WRITING IS SO KAJSJDJDN pliS im so v honoured to be able to talk to you.

@lisarillia -Please excuse me while I go shout in the corner of how much i LOVE your arts. They're amazing and being able to talk to you was a real pleasure. Keep on doing what you love. They'll be amazing no matter what i swear.

@cutiedrawsbnha -Cutie, honey, you're amazing and your art is so cute! Don't let what haters said get to you. You're going to grow into an amazing artist. If you give in and listen to what they said, you're going to end up like what they said so ignore them honey! I believe in you so keep shipping izuocha, todomomo, and kamijirou and making arts. Lotsa love!

@lilikags -Heeyyyy you sweet cute innocent bean! Don't ever stop writing what you love, you'll grow into a big blog soon enough, before you know it. Just keep making what you love, and as time pass by, I'm sure there will be many people who will find appreciate everything you do. I'm always supporting you.

@baeshijima -SOPHHHHH YOU SWEET CUTE CINNAMON ROLL WAKATOSHI'S WIFE EYE--- You have NO idea how much i love you,, you're so sweet and I honestly don't know what did i do to deserve you. Srsly you're a blessing to me. Thank you for the sweet daily reminder in my inbox, i love each and every one of them. Keep being so cute and wholesome, love you.

@shinsuque -ANAAAAA Thanks again for the Bakugou's memes! I may not be able to do it before i go on a hiatus though *sobbing* Keep being so awesome! I love seeing all your interactions and you're so amazing i honestly don't know why you followed me----

@semiluvr -LYDIA *SOBBING* THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR INVITING ME TO THE KITA FAMILY. Even though we've known each other in less than a week, it already felt like I had known you guys for so long like whotttt. Keep being an amazing and sweet person ily muah

@dumbass-lev -MOMMY, MUI, ILY THANK U FOR ALWAYS BEING SO SWEET YOU'RE AMAZING,,, u have no idea how happy (and also flustered) I am when i saw you asking you want to adopt me like,,, whot I've never been asked to be adopted online b4 so you asking that was a big surprise to me and just,,, remember that i love you and you're an amazing mommy. Hope i wasn't too much too handle as your child lol and thank u, for asking to invite me to the server. It has been a real pleasure to me to be there.

@pudding-head-kenma -DANIE!! We haven't talked much and I've only known you for a short time but I really love your detailed analysis. They're amazing and you're amazing. Thank you for being so sweet and cute. Ily.

@/🦋 nonoi -🦋 NONOIIII!!! IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS, I JUST WANNA TELL YOU THANK YOU FOR BEING MY EMOJI ANON! I love you you're so sweet and bb please please please don't forget me id cry,,,

@astereim -Rein!!! I know we just talked and all but you seem to be a reaally cool and amazing person,, we might not be able to interact much since I need to go prepare things b4 i go on my hiatus though, but just wanna let u know that ily!

@tokoyamis-luv -please don't come for my neck i haven't been active on the server Lol but anyways, zara, you're amazing and your simping for Kurapika is always fun to watxh. Also all the lin manuel edits are *chef's kiss* we may not talk much but i was rlly honoured to be able to interact w you, even a little bit.

@engel-hageshii - YOU, MAAM are a literal angel, and your comments on my fics always managed to make me smile so much. I love you, please never stop being such a sweetheart.

@laylahoran -I've always loved and appreciate every comments you make. I'm v happy I was able to create a content that you can love. You and engel has been some of my firsts followers and I'm really blessed to have you two.

@oyasenpai -Diemmy! You're so sweet and cute and seeing your interaction w my moots (kami) was what made me follow you. Don't let what others said bring you down, okay? Just do what you want because there're always many people supporting you for it.

Special message to the kita family server;

Meanwhile while you guys were talking about me there, I was just innocently scrolling through Tumblr, not knowing what kind of fate I'll be receiving 👁👄👁 No wonder I was sneezing so much 🤧🤧🤧

So, I was just scrolling through the pinned messages and I saw tsu said "mui: can we invite hikari? Everyone here: kakskejdjdjdn" and i was just like,,, ??????? I wasn't expecting u guys to have that kind of reaction i--- yall have no idea how much i was grinning while I scroll through those messages. Thank you so much for inviting and accepting me, it's really fun to be with you guys and your crackhead energy 🥰🥰 Thank you to mui for suggesting you had no idea I was really really happy. 😭 Y'all are so amazing and sweet and cute and beautiful kakjdjdd

To all of my dear friends that I've mentioned above, I LOVE YOU LOTS YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO MET YOU GUYS. Quarantine time has been stressful for a lot of people, and Tumblr can sometimes (a lot of times) be kinda whack but I was really happy to met you guys during my time here. Our time together may have been short, but i feel like we've known each other for more than a year, no caps. I love you all very very much. Thank you for talking to me and befriending me. Remember to get enough sleep, drink lots of water, stay safe and healthy, eat enough meals and, take care of yourself. I love you guys.

And lastly, to everyone reading this, whether i know you or not, or interacted with you or not, or follow you or not, or you follow me or not, just REMEMBER that you are worth it and I love you. Keep on being awesome, and always remember to smile, laugh and live. Don't forget to always DRINK LOTS OF WATER, GET ENOUGH SLEEP, and EAT ENOUGH MEALS.

Signing off,

Hikari.

[etherealeeknow]

hello. it’s gen. and i’m warning you that below is a longass and useless paragraph of... me crying/pouring my heart out?

(just in case) before any of you go “uhhh why is she exposing her relationship on a skz tumblr fic account?” i have my reasons, skz included. if you’re still questioning the exact same thing, you’re more than welcome to scroll past this! thank you.

tw: bad break up. me being hyperbolic. mention of scars (metaphorically).

—

these past few months have been amazing to me— well, despite my shitty work lol. but really, i’ve been blessed with such awesome and lovely moots, anons, and readers!! 🥺💞 however, /cue thunder sounds and lightnings and all the scawy effects/ things suddenly took a toll last friday night (wow it sounds like a katy perry song but n e ways!!), long story short, i’m on the edge of a shaky relationship.

last year on march, i also went through a bad break up, a bigger one, even, with my two year boyfriend (make it four if you wanna include how many years i l*ved him). this one’s actually nothing compared to last year, but shit still hurts as bad, apparently, sadly, pathetically, lol. ngl i did have a thought to delete or at least leave this account (don’t get me wrong, this account has done nothing wrong, it’s just because i was so overwhelmed, i didn’t know what to do), but i’ve decided not to.

last year on september, skz came into my life (thankfully, i have gotten over my ex by that time and have come to the fullest realization that what we had IS toxic.). still, skz brings so much joy to my life, even until this very moment when i am typing this. i’ve been into kpop since i was... 14?? and i’m turning 23 this year. i took a two year hiatus because my ex wasn’t into kpop (and i was such a fricking simp!!! heh). skz was the first group i came back to and is actually the only group i’m paying full attention to now (i was and still am a huge multistan, but i don’t keep up with other groups as much anymore).

this person i’m seeing, is also a stay. as much as i’d like to think/say it doesn’t affect me at all, i can’t. they’re a stay and we’ve talked about skz a lot, obv it has left tiny, faint scars on me, and— idk, like i said, it’s been really tough and i can’t think straight. on top of that, today’s my first day being back at work after having my five days break and i’m gonna shamelessly admit that i cried at work today lmao (thank goodness we’re working from home and i had no zoom meetings!!).

but as i’ve told you, last year’s storm was bigger, but i passed it, didn’t i? so oBV I AM SO GONNA GET PAST THIS TOO!! eazy peazy lemon squeezy!! besides, there is no way, nO WAY, i’ll let a person who has hurt me to take away my happiness. they’ve hurt me and that’s enough. i’m not gonna let them take skz and writing, and you guys, away from me. i’m gonna get back on my toes. i’m not gonna set any deadline, but i’m here to say that i am here, i am not going anywhere. i wanna be happy. i miss the girl who i used to be— independent and a full time minho simp <3 and this time, i’m gonna be exactly just that pLUS more mature and stronger!

now, this is all so sudden but i’ll be closing my rant? here because it might go on longer and i don’t want that to happen sldkfkfkf since it’ll only be filled with me blabbering nonsense. for those who’ve read till the very end, thank you so much. for those who sent me asks, thank you too— i’ll get to answering them soon. also i can tell you’re probably going ??? at me rn but really, it’s just the stupid effect from my shattering heart. i can assure you i am still gen.

-gen 🧷

[saradianne14]

To My Precious Triangle:

I saw a member in the a3 discord server I’m in post this about Juza, so I decided it would be fun to answer these as well! Also thought it would show you all why I love Misumi so much haha.    

1) First things first: who is your comfort character, and where are they from?:

Misumi Ikaruga from a3!

2) How did you meet your comfort character?:

He was introduced in chapter 2 of the first act in A3! He was hiding in one of the rooms in Mankai and the manager thought he was a ghost that haunted that room. It was a funny introduction lol. 

3) What drew you to your comfort character, and why do you love them?:

I was first drawn in by his carefree and upbeat personality! We didn’t get much of his backstory in the second chapter, but I already really liked his character. I guess you can say that I was drawn by his love of triangles as well because I’ve never met a character like him. I didn’t understand his love for triangles in the beginning, but I thought it was pretty cool and cute to be honest. I didn’t judge! Aside from his love for triangles, he has such a pure heart. He is super sweet and you can see how much he cares for his friends! For him, triangles are something that are so precious to him and he doesn’t hesitate to give them away to his friends if he thinks it will make them feel better/happy. Despite his backstory of always being an outcast to his family and losing his grandpa, he continues to smile and always tries to bring a smile to those around him. Although his love of triangles may seem weird to other people, he stays true to himself, it seems like he doesn’t care or feel ashamed about his quirks, I really admire that. 

I can go on and on, but I should probably stop right now lol.   

4) Do you selfship with your comfort character/do any other kind of selfinsert with them?:

Yes I do lol. Like I know A3! is not in any way an otome game, but it my head I ship us together. As much as I like the Misukazu ship, I’m sorry Kazunari but I’m going to have to fight you for him lol. 

5) Share some headcanons you have for your comfort character!:

- His photo gallery on his phone is filled with pictures of things and places that are triangle shaped. I also think he has photoshoots with Sankaku-kun, either with himself included or of just Sankaku-kun himself haha.  

- I have a feeling that Misumi doesn’t really use social media much, like using instablam etc. It doesn’t seem like he would be the type to be glued to his phone, like me and everyone else. 

- I also feel like he’d be the type of person to surprise you every now and then with things he knows you like. Like say, buying you your favorite drink, chips or candy etc. 

6) Has your comfort character helped you to learn anything, or realise something about yourself?:

Hmm I believe Misumi has just reminded me to accept and love myself, and be happy with being who I am. Yes I watch anime, yes I play otome games, yes I simp for anime boys, and yes I self ship myself with Misumi (I know they aren’t real), so what? People that I know and my family know that, and yeah they call me weird, but I don’t let that get to me anymore. If the things I like and my hobbies make me happy, I shouldn’t stop just because someone tells me it’s “weird” or that “I’m too old”.    

7) What do you and your comfort character have in common?:

Now that I think about it, I don’t know if we even have many things in common lol. He is extroverted and more carefree than I am. I’m an such an introvert. I guess I can say that we both are the friendly type. We both are independent. We both care very much for the people that are important to us and will try to help in any way. Just like how he always tries to cheer people up when they seem down, that is something that I do as well. Oh wait, does this count: we both wear triangle shaped earrings lol?

8) In what ways are you and your comfort character different?:

Misumi is very outgoing. Compared to me I am such a shy person. He seems like the person to start conversations with strangers, I’m way too shy for that. I’m socially awkward too. All I can do is like people’s post/follow people and hopefully they get the hint that I want to be moots LOL. I’m not as athletic as he is. He can do parkour, climb walls/roofs, and do flips, as for me I lack physical strength so I don’t know how to do those things. Compared to him, I am super out of shape (which I am because I haven’t exercised in like years, oops). I’m short compared to him. Oh yeah, I can’t talk to animals like he does lol.     

9) What's your favourite thing(s) about your comfort character?:

My favorite things? EVERYTHING! I love everything about him. He is such a cheerful person that he can always puts a smile on my face, whether its just by reading the dialogue or hearing the voice actor talk. (By the way, I love his voce actor, love the way he brings Misumi to life! Oh and don’t get me started on his voice range, it’s crazy!) But yeah, Misumi is just super sweet and bubbly. He’s really one of a kind. 

10) What do you associate with your comfort character? songs, colors, foods, places - anything!:

- Hmm well I mean anything that is shaped as a triangle. Thanks to him, now I’m starting to notice triangular objects around me and pointing them out lol. 

- The color Yellow and Orange because he has such a bright personality and is like a ray of sunshine when he’s on screen. Plus that’s also the color of his eyes. 

- The song “Triangle” by Otonomiya Saku from the anime Actors Song Connection. I remember I heard the song and was like hmm I think Misumi would definitely like this song because the title of it is “triangle” haha. 

11) Share your favourite picture(s) of your comfort character!:

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:2019-04-06_Guy_Blog.png#/media/File:2019-04-06_Guy_Blog.png

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:2020-10-07_Hisoka_Blog.png#/media/File:2020-10-07_Hisoka_Blog.png

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:(Twilight_is_the_Color_of_Time)_Misumi_Comedy_SSR%2B_Transparent.png#/media/File:(Twilight_is_the_Color_of_Time)_Misumi_Comedy_SSR%2B_Transparent.png

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:(Mid-Autumn_Black_Rabbit)_Misumi_Action_SSR%2B_Transparent.png#/media/File:(Mid-Autumn_Black_Rabbit)_Misumi_Action_SSR%2B_Transparent.png (This one is my phone background lol)

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:(Guiding_Angel)_Misumi_Comedy_R%2B_Transparent.png#/media/File:(Guiding_Angel)_Misumi_Comedy_R%2B_Transparent.png

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:(The_March_Of_Deads)_Misumi_Serious_SSR%2B_Transparent.png#/media/File:(The_March_Of_Deads)_Misumi_Serious_SSR%2B_Transparent.png

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:(Sibyl%27s_Blind_Spots)_Misumi_Action_SSR%2B_Transparent.png#/media/File:(Sibyl%27s_Blind_Spots)_Misumi_Action_SSR%2B_Transparent.png

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:(Prodigy_Top_Dancer)_Misumi_Comedy_SSR%2B_Transparent.png#/media/File:(Prodigy_Top_Dancer)_Misumi_Comedy_SSR%2B_Transparent.png

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:(MANKAI_Glitter)_Misumi_Action_SSR%2B_Transparent.png#/media/File:(MANKAI_Glitter)_Misumi_Action_SSR%2B_Transparent.png

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:(Boys_of_Summer)_Misumi_Serious_SSR%2B_Transparent.png#/media/File:(Boys_of_Summer)_Misumi_Serious_SSR%2B_Transparent.png

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:(Exhilarating_Back_Shot)_Misumi_Serious_SR%2B_Transparent.png#/media/File:(Exhilarating_Back_Shot)_Misumi_Serious_SR%2B_Transparent.png

OKAY I’LL STOP NOW

12) Share your favourite quote(s) from your comfort character!:

“I did it Gramps. I was able to find my three treasures. They’re triangles, acting, and my friends. Together, they’re what make my perfect, perfect triangle” 

“I’m giving you my triangle, so don’t cry”

“I'll give you a triangle, will you let me hug you tight?“

“And now it’s time for the triangle song! ~Tri-an-gle!~Tri-an-gle~!

(There’s more, I just don’t know if I remember them word for word, so I don’t want to write them wrong)

13) Describe your comfort character in three words:

My Precious Triangle

14) What do you think your comfort character would smell like?

Uhhhh I have no idea. I never thought of it. But I’m sure it is like a subtle warm summery type of smell? I don’t know haha.     

15) What's the most precious memory you have involving your comfort character?:

My most precious memory? Hmm I guess I would have to go with seeing Misumi animated for the first time in the A3! anime. I loved seeing him in the game and hearing his voice of course, but it was just so awesome to finally see him actually talking AND moving lol. Like I was finally able to see his parkour skills and his quirkiness with my own eyes instead of just picturing it in my head. 

16) Imagine it's your comfort character's birthday. what would you give them as a gift?:

What wouldn’t I give him?? Haha. I feel like I’d go all out for his birthday. Cause that’s just how I am. I believe Misumi would love anything you’d give him to be honest, even if it’s something small. I would buy him a bunch of triangle objects. So I’d have options of buying him like shirts or hoodies that have triangles on them, accessories he could wear like a necklace or bracelet, plushies/pillows, and/or just triangle objects that he would be able to put in his room. I feel like I would take him out to have a picnic at the park and I would also cook his favorite food, which is of course onigiri! And bring other triangle shaped foods. After that I’d go with him to go hunting for triangles, even though I’d do that even if it wasn’t his birthday, but I think he would like it. I definitely would throw him a party and have all of his friends and brother there cause I’m sure he’d be happy to spend his day with his loved ones!           

17) Imagine you and your comfort character going to the beach together. what would you do?:

I can definitely see us building sandcastles, swimming, looking for seashells (and triangles), playing beach soccer or volleyball (okay, maybe soccer because I know how to play, I’m not so good at volleyball), eat onigiris of course lmao, take a walk along the beach at night and/or have a bonfire, oh and light fireworks at the end cause I know he likes that!  

18) Imagine living together with your comfort character. where would you live? what would your daily lives be like?:

I feel like any place would be good for Misumi, as long as the roof is a triangle shape lol. In one of his backstage stories he talked about how one day he wants to build a house with a nice big beautiful triangle roof, triangles painted on the wall, triangle windows, triangle doors, and just fill up the whole house with triangles. So yeah I feel like our place, either a house or an apartment, would be decorated with a lot of triangles. And you know, I’d be totally okay with that... as long as everything is organized that is lol. I also think we’d own a cat. As for what would our daily lives be like? He’s always energetic, cheerful and radiates positivity to those around him. So I feel like there would never be a dull moment living with him.      

19) If you're having a bad day, what would your comfort character say, or how would they help?:

He would give me one of his triangles and give me a big hug, maybe some head pats. I know he would try his best to make me feel better no matter what.   

20) Your comfort character is trying to prepare your favorite meal for you. do they succeed? does it taste good?:

Hmm I feel like he would succeed. It says in the story that he knows how to make onigiri, so he may know how to cook right??. I know for a fact that he would try his best to learn how to make my favorite food. He may either find a recipe and cook it himself, or he’d ask Omi for some help!  

21) Imagine you and your comfort character dancing together. what do you dance to? how good are you at it?:

Misumi is athletic. This boy is good at a lot of things. And he apparently knows how to dance too! (Have you seen his dancing in the play +3 Ghosts). I feel like there would be lots of turns/twirling your partner!. I don’t know if I see Misumi dancing to slow music, so I think we’d dance to more upbeat music. I feel like our dancing would be all over the place and just doing whatever to be honest haha, but we wouldn’t care because we’d be having fun. Like in my head, if I were to invite Misumi to a quincañera, I think he’d have a great time dancing. Ohh imagine him dancing to “Payaso de Rodeo” by Caballo Dorado, I think he would have so much fun with that lmao.  

22) Imagine an au featuring you and your comfort character. who are you? what happens?:

My AU is just for Misumi to actually be a real person and to be my friend lol.  

23) Imagine cuddling with your comfort character. what does it feel like?:

I feel like cuddling with him would feel so comfortable. I think he’d feel fluffy and soft. I also have a feeling that Sankaku-kun would be there cuddling with us too lmao.    

24) Finally, what's one thing you want to say to your comfort character?:

I love you! Never forget that I’m proud of you and that I’ll always be here cheering for you when you’re up on that stage. Keep being you and never change my precious triangle! (:

[froggybaek]

I’m ?? So thankful for all of you ?? For following me and ?? Supporting my content ?? I’ve changed urls a good 3-4 times since starting this account (not counting my old account @/kamino-ink) and I know a good portion of you followed me when I just posted skz - whICH, I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel the same passion for them as I used to. Now I’ve gotten a lot more followers for posting Ateez content which ,, is insane. Now I wasn’t the most talkative Stay in the world, but I still did feel a bit ... lonely, I suppose, since I didn’t really have mutuals that bothered to simply pop in or even reblog content (which is totally chill but, as a writer, that wasn’t vvv fun). But these past few months/weeks have been so amazing due to all kinds of new moots !! I couldn’t think of anything else to post to thank you all, but I promise at 1k it’ll be awesome !!!

[ this isn’t applied just to moots but also vvv lovely people hehehe ]

@theboyz-engup - you’re by far my favorite the boyz blog and I absolutely adore your content and just you as a person. I’ve been following you for a WHILE now and the snippets of conversations we had have been sososo fun!

@jisungwhoo - HI YOU’RE MY WIFE I DON’T EVER SHUT UP ABOUT YOU !! You’re my best best best friend and I’m so ?? Lucky ?? To have you in my life !!!

@kihyoungjaes - YO SO it’s been a while, but I remember you used to be vvv active on my dead account and even here !! You’re vvv easy to talk to n I adore you ~

@sanbotaged - I want you to know that I ,, stalk your blog ,,, it’s unhealthy JCJWJDA you seem like such a nice person and ;~; you inspired me to redo my blog ~

@wangtaeil - shUT UP yes you’re cool and if you don’t think the same I’m gonna attack you with love n appreciation as I’ve stated b e f o r e

@meinyunho - you’re sososo nice n sweet n approachable I genuinely enjoy just scrolling through your blog and giggling like a babey at your tags KCJWJS also hi ?? Giffing queen ??

@softforyunho - you were one of the first ATINY blogs to welcome me and I still adore you a l o t !!! You made the transition incredibly easy and enjoyable :]

@bitchendery - KCWJDNW I’ve followed your shit for AGES now (I believe) and I was sO SHOOK when you first started reblogged Netflix edits like !! I couldn’t believe !! SUCH A COOL PERSON LIKED MY SHIT !!! And now we’re friends sO IT WORKED OUT YAYAYA

@celestial-yunho - aaaHHH NINI I AM IN LOVE WITN YOUR ARTWORK I WANT ALL OF THEM TATTOOED ON MY FOREHEAD CJWXNSM alSo you’re just so incredibly sweet n funni :]]]

@smol-joong - oNCE AGAIN H E L L O I creep on your blog a LOT n find myself snorting in utter amusement please continue being funny as f u c k

@han-seungwoo - OMG ENDNAM you followed me a short while ago n bOY WAS I !!!! You’re so funny and pretty and I’d risk it all to have you step on mE K BYE

@wooyuong - JCNWKD you’re so fucking FUNNY OHMYGOD I’ll just be scrolling in my dash, read your tags//posts (cough smurf post cough) and lose my absolute SHIT

@noairmv - you likely have no idea whom the fuck I am but !! I appreciate the fact you’re a comedy genius and I make the ugliest noises when I see your posts NCJWKDJA I LOVE Y O U

o k a y SO !!! That’s all for n o w (although I’m sure there are many many many more lovely people !!) I’m just so glad to be here, it’s honestly so much fun running this blog and interacting with so many people 🥺♥️♥️

[elsalapizza]

Fic: What’s in a Name?

Relationship: Castiel/Dean Winchester Word count: 2,500 Square filled: Poly fic (#15) for @spnfluffbingo​ Written for day #22 of @notfunnydean ’s advent calendar “Rocking around the Christmas tree” Summary: Dean is a ballroom dancer who can't find a date. His brother is a ballroom dancer in a happy polyamorous relationship. Castiel is a journalist writing about a ballroom dancing Christmas competition. Things get complicated. Read it on Ao3

--

Dean knew very well that most people didn’t consider competitive ballroom dancing to be a very manly sport. Hell, most people didn’t even consider it to be a sport at all. Dean had made his peace with it a long time ago, and frankly he didn’t care too much what people thought anyway.

Well he did care a little bit. But only in the way it affected his dating life. Because believe it or not, but most women he would be interested in thought he was gay, and most men he would be interested in thought he was dating his dancing partner. As neither of those statement was true, it made Dean’s little bisexual heart pretty lonely.

What was the most unfair of all though, was that Sam, who’d been ballroom dancing almost as long as Dean, did not have this problem at all. Actually dating your dancing partner did that to someone. And that option wasn’t even available to Dean, because Sam had the audacity to also be dating Dean’s partner. Dean was well aware there wasn’t anything dubious about it; they’d explained their polyamorous thing to him when they’d started it, and what the three of them had honestly seemed awesome, but still. It was very unfair that Dean had to be alone and his brother dated two awesome chicks. (Well, one awesome chick and Ruby.)

So Dean resolved to focus all of his attention on dancing. And more precisely, on dancing for the Rocking Around the Christmas Tree holidays competition that took place every year in December.

As much as ballroom dancing was the Winchester family business, the RACT—as it was easier to call it—had been their nemesis. Dean and Sam had both failed in the semis numerous times, and their parents, who’d been ballroom dancing state champions in their time, had also never managed to bag that one. It was during a RACT final that Grandpa Campbell had broken his toe back in the sixties, barring him from dancing for several months afterwards.

Needless to say, the stakes were high. Dean insisted on doubling the number of training sessions in preparation for the RACT, and he could feel Jo hating him for it a little bit. But Dean wanted to win, and he didn’t care that Sam and Ruby weren’t as invested in the competition, and that he encroached on the fun times Jo could have with them. They had a chance to win, and even though it didn’t mean as much to Jo as it did Dean, they had to try.

But the point was: Dean was good, he really was, and he and Jo had progressed a lot during this last year. Dean sincerely thought that if they didn’t win the RACT this year, they never would. Sam was good too, but Dean and Jo had always ranked a bit better than Sam and Ruby, so he didn’t really worry about this competition. Dean even sometimes thought of himself as the Serena to Sam’s Venus, but the analogy only worked so far: one, Dean was good at dancing but not as good as Serena was at tennis, and two, the public for ballroom dancing competitions was rather confidential, so nobody actually knew who they were, making it a rather moot point.

Winning this thing was right now the most—the only—important thing in Dean’s life, but nobody but the true ballroom dancing aficionados actually cared at all.

Which was why it was such a fucking surprise to find a bona fide journalist there one day before the beginning of the RACT. Not just a student working for his college newspaper or an old lady who would send her impression of the competition to her local rag to be published. No, this guy had the credentials for a national newspaper, and seemed to be interested specifically in the Winchester brothers’ performances.

He was a real journalist, and a good looking one too. Dark hair and clear eyes, and Dean was struck. It might not be true, but in this one instant, Dean felt like he had never seen a man so pretty before.

“Hello, Mr. Winchester. Would you have the time to answer a few questions?” the man asked, with a deep gruff voice Dean felt like drowning in.

Dean was so stunned to have someone so beautiful ask him for an interview, that he gaped for a good thirty seconds before he remembered to actually answer the question.

“Yeah, sure. Why not. I can answer a few questions,” he managed to say sufficiently intelligibly that the journalist nodded and got out notebook and pen.

“How long have and your brother been performing in ballroom dancing competitions?” The man asked pretty dryly.

All right, so this was very obviously an assignment he had not asked for. But what was Dean thinking? No journo worth their while would ask to cover a Christmas-themed ballroom dancing competition in the middle of Kansas.

“Um, we’ve been dancing ever since we were kids, and started competing right when we reached the legal entering age,” said Dean. “I’ve been dancing with Jo from the beginning, and Sam has been dancing with Ruby for about five years now.”

“How many times have you failed to win the Rocking Around the Christmas Tree competition?”

“Wow. Thanks for that. What did you lose to have to come cover this competition?” Dean generally tried not to be rude, but his stance was that if the other person was rude first, it was completely justified.

The journalist seemed a bit taken aback by Dean’s intensity, then after a pause when he obviously realized what he’d just sounded like, began again, “I apologize. I am used to interviewing hostile politicians with whom you have to get to the point fast or risk never getting answers. This kind of…interest piece is a first for me.”

The guy looked genuinely sorry, so Dean decided to give him a break. “All right. Let’s do it over. I am a bit disappointed you’re not a big wig sportscaster, but I can work with an interest piece, I guess.”

“So, er…I know you have a history with this particular competition. Would you like to talk a bit about it?”

That was way better. Dean smiled his most charming smile while answering, and hoped it wasn’t too obvious how much he wanted this guy to take him out and call him sweet names, then make sweet love to him.

They talked for a while, and it went well, better than that really. By the time Dean needed to get back to his training, it didn’t even feel like an interview anymore.

Dean had learnt that the journalist’s name was Castiel (but he’d already decided in his head that he would be calling him Cas) and that he was coming from out east for a new column in his newspaper that was supposed to draw better pictures of “forgotten America”. It sounded a little bit like crap, but Cas was just so genuine about it and about doing justice to people that weren’t always given a voice, that Dean couldn’t help but being charmed.

They’d agreed to continue the conversation around a cup of coffee after Dean was finished with rehearsal, and Cas even stayed to watch while Dean and Jo started practicing their dance routine. Dean could feel his gaze on them the whole time. At one point Cas even got a camera out. Dean couldn’t help but feel more self-conscious about his sweat and the general unkempt air he knew he had during training.

Jo, if her smug look was anything to go by, was obviously well aware of what was going on. Dean was tempted to make her pay for it, but so close to the RACT, he couldn’t afford to antagonize her (even if she didn’t mind antagonizing him).

After they’d done their routine enough times that Dean was satisfied (for now), he went directly under the shower, scrubbing himself thoroughly and maybe taking a little more time than necessary on arranging his hair.

When he got back in the main room, Cas was interviewing Jo. And, all right, that was fair. His article wasn’t supposed to be entirely on Dean, it was normal that he would interview Jo too. They were a team, and even if Dean was a bit of a control freak, they participated equally in any of their successes or losses.

Dean noticed pretty smugly though that Cas didn’t look at Jo the in the same captivated way that he had looked at Dean. Dean waited for Cas to be finished, far enough that he couldn’t eavesdrop on them, but still was deadly curious about what Jo was telling him and whether it involved Dean.

Dean felt pretty excited and confident with his not-a-date-but-still-kind-of-a-date with Cas, but when Cas came towards him once he had finished with Jo, he had traded his nice smile for a thoughtful frown.

“Listen, Dean, I am not sure coffee was such a good idea. I have to focus on my article, and it would be detrimental to it if I got too close to its subjects,” Cas blurted out in one breath before getting out, not even leaving Dean the time to answer.

Dean felt like the floor had opened up beneath his feet. He’d been so sure there was a spark there between him and Cas, and yet… What the hell had happened between their earlier conversation and now for Cas to have so completely changed his mind about Dean?

He asked Jo if she had said anything unsavory about him, but she swore she had not uttered his name once during her conversation with Cas.

Dean spent most of the afternoon, and the evening, and the night thinking about Cas and what could have gone wrong. When he hadn’t found an answer the next day—and as he was fucking tired from tossing and turning all night—he decided to let it go. This wasn’t the first time one of his crushes had gone to shit. He was used to disappointment in the matter of the heart, and why should this one be any different? He had a competition to focus on, and most importantly to win.

Cas was just some guy who would leave for his fancy east-coast job sooner rather than later, and even if the coffee-date had happened, it certainly would have lead nowhere anyway.

Dean unilaterally decided to stop thinking about Cas. There was some dancing to do.

It was, unfortunately, a way easier thing said than done. Because Cas was a diligent journalist, and of course he wouldn’t miss one minute of the competition. Dean could see him in the audience every time he glanced towards them, and it definitely didn’t help his stress levels.

They did manage to win their quarter final though, and when it was announced that the semis would be against Sam and Ruby, Dean knew that if he didn’t clear the air with Cas, he would never be able to concentrate enough to beat his brother.

(He may well pretend to be the Serena to Sam’s Venus, but he was always more stressed about competing directly against Sam because there was a part of him that wanted his little brother to win too.)

So before he could discuss strategy with Jo, for whom being against Sam and Ruby was even worse given her relationship with them, he turned around and started to make his way towards the spot he’d spied Cas last.

But before he could go very far, Cas was in front of him with a look on his face very different from the cultivated indifference he’d seen for the last few days.

“Dean,” Cas said before Dean could say anything. In Cas’s mouth, Dean’s name sounded like a revelation and Dean realized that it was actually the first time Cas had spoken his name. Dean expected Cas to go on, say what he had to say, but all he did was repeat himself. “Dean,” he said once more, with even more awe in his voice.

There was definitely something beyond Dean’s understanding going on here.

“Uh, yeah, that’s my name. What’s up with you, Cas?”

“I…have a confession to make,” Cas said, his eyes down. “I might have made a terrible mistake.”

“I don’t understand—” Dean started before Cas cut him off.

“I thought you were Sam.”

“What? I don’t understand…” Dean trailed of. This didn’t make sense. How could Cas think he was Sam? Wasn’t he supposed to be writing an article on them? How could he not know their identity?

“I—ah. I am bad with names and I knew you were one of the Winchester brothers, but I didn’t know which. But when I talked with Jo and she kept gushing about Sam, I’d naturally concluded that being your partner, it would be you she was talking about. She was also hinting at being in a relationship with Sam, and because I knew your brother was dating his partner, there was no doubt in my mind that you were with Jo and…well. I felt a bit disappointed and even angry that you would flirt with me so blatantly if you were in a relationship... And so far in the competition, they only used your family names each time, and it is only now that you’ll be competing against each other that they said your first names and that I realized how dire my mistake has been…”

This was a lot to take in, and Dean wasn’t sure the few seconds it took Cas to word-vomit it all would be enough. When he thought about it though, it was true that Cas had only called him Mr. Winchester at the beginning of their interview, and Dean hadn’t actually taken the time to fucking introduce himself. And Jo seemingly had been telling the truth when she said she hadn’t spoken a word about Dean to Cas, which had actually created the problem in the first place. Screw his brother and his perfect relationship that none of the outside world seem to really comprehend.

“I can’t believe it,” Dean finally said. “You thought…you thought I was—”

“I thought you were taken,” Cas interrupted, and Dean definitely could get used to such forwardness. “So, if you’re able to forgive me for withdrawing from that coffee date… I would like it if we could start over.”

Dean didn’t know he could be so relieved to be hearing these words from Cas. He’d tried to pretend he didn’t care, but he hadn’t fooled even himself. Knowing he had a chance with Cas after all was everything.

“You know, this isn’t the first time we’ve had to start over, but I’ll definitely allow it,” Dean said, feeling his smile pulling at his cheeks. “So when are you free for that coffee?”

“Whenever you are,” Cas answered, and Dean could tell this was not just a line.

“All right. I’ll win this thing and I’m all yours.”

And because Cas looked at him like he believed in Dean so much, Dean did too. He would definitely win that thing. Looking at Cas’s smile, he already felt like he had.

[seladorie]

I have an idea for a side story for "A Royal Soulmate"? What happened when Messy wrote "My name is Ignis Stupidhead Scientia, and I hate having fun."?

ask and ye shall receive

can also read here on AO3 on the side stories fic

Noctis is so prepared. He couldn’t be more prepared. There’s no guard in his room with him, Iggy and Gladio are both busy, his dad’s in meetings until he goes to bed, and he’s finally gotten good enough at warping to get from one building to the next.

It’s official. Noctis is going to sneak out of the Citadel.

He’s going to sneak out of the Citadel to go to a party.

More importantly, he’s going to a party! His first party!

He got invited to a party!

Noctis doesn’t open the window; he takes a deep breath, and takes a step without stepping, phasing through the wall. It’s much colder outside, and his footing slips for a moment. He briefly but vividly imagines falling off the roof, reinjuring himself after the years of recovery the daemon attack cost him—a party isn’t worth that not worth that at all what is he thinking?—and he throws his toy knife across to the base of a nearby tree.

When he touches solid ground, a knot of tight anxiety releases. The image of falling, of breaking, of years of trying to heal an injury that should have killed him don’t fade quite yet, but he tries to refocus on the party. The party that he’s going to. That he was invited to.

His first party!

He tucks into his jacket, and adjusts his cap and tries to hide from where he knows the common guard routes are. Warping is pretty noticeable, especially for glaives, who would be able to easily catch up to him, so he’s got to be quick about it.

And Noctis really wants to go to this party.

He’s not popular in high school. He doesn’t have friends.

That’s not true, he thinks, admonishing himself. He has Gladio and Iggy. But by the Six, he wants to get along with someone from school. Even just one. Just one friend who wanted to sit next to him during classes. And lunch. Or who would be his partner in group projects and lab. So he doesn’t have to sit there, desperately trying to make eye contact with anyone else who might not have someone yet.

He just wants someone to choose him.

He shouldn’t be ungrateful. Noctis has two soulmates. Wonderful, awesome, fantastic soulmates.

But they were always going to be in his life, soulmates or not. They were raised to be Noctis’ advisors.

Noctis would never admit this, not to anyone for any reason, but the fact that they were also his soulmates just made it seems even less like a choice.

But one of his classmates, Amet, is having a party while his parents are away on a business trip. He invited the whole class—which, well, means that he had to invite Noctis unless if he wanted to be really rude, but it still counts.

And Noctis isn’t unpopular. At least, he hopes not. He is the Prince, and people smile at him and say hi, even when they don’t have class together. But no one actually comes to talk to him, or hang out with him.

I am the Prince, he thinks to himself, scowling.

And he doesn’t really know how to talk to people his age.

Or who aren’t Gladio or Iggy, but they’re both already twenty. With people actually his age, who he hasn’t known his entire life and who are nobility, Noctis is a little lost.

He gets outside the gates, and not wanting to waste this opportunity, hurries down the streets. Noctis looked up the address before, it’s not that far from the Citadel. Like only twenty minutes. Amet’s parents must do pretty well, to live this close to the Citadel.

Worrying about having the wrong address was moot; the place is lit up, cars parked everywhere nearby, and music and talking thrumming from houses away.

Noctis’ grows less certain of himself the closer he gets to the house. He sees some of his classmates, but doesn’t know how to approach them. How does he even start a conversation? Talk about classes? Talk about their families? Everyone already knows who his family is.

If he lingers too long away from the house, someone will notice and wonder what his problem is, so he inches closer. Then he tries to stride purposefully to seem like he knows what he’s doing, but no one even glances his way. They’re talking, laughing, and having fun together, with their friends, and Noctis is here alone.

Oh, gods, this feels even worse.

He decides to go inside, and has to dodge someone running down the stairs. Inside the music is louder and the lights are brighter. It smells of alcohol and sweat.

His jacket is too much, so he takes it off, and hesitates. There’s no place to hang it, but then he sees a pile of jackets in the corner and—well, he might never see this jacket again, but it’s not an expensive one, so Noctis drops it.

His hat stays on, for now. Everyone knows who he is, but having it is reassuring.

Amet is chatting with some people by the snack table (which comprises only of chips?), so Noctis goes over there. “Hey, Your Highness!” Amet says.

“You can just call me Noctis,” he mutters. Clears his throat. “Uh, thanks for inviting me to the party.”

Amet gives him a strange look, and Noctis wonders if he said something wrong. Gods, why does everything in high school make politics seem easy? “Uh, sure. No problem.”

“Cool, I’m going to—go over there,” Noctis says, darting to the drinks. Which is beer. Not a great kind either, but he decides to get himself a cup too.

Which is what he does, until a familiar hand grips his shoulder and Noctis knows Iggy’s found him before even seeing his face.

“Your Highness,” Iggy hisses, “what are you doing?”

Shit, now people are looking at him. And oh gods, people are getting out their phones. “Not here,” Noctis says, and luckily Iggy sees them two, and they duck away to an unoccupied room in the house. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” Ignis repeats. “You snuck out of the Citadel! Without any guard! Do you know how risky that is?”

“I just went to a classmate’s house,” Noctis protests. “I didn’t go outside the Wall or anything! And how the fuck did you find me?” He had been so careful!

Ignis glowers. “One of the Kingsglaives saw you. You’re still training, Your Highness, and the Glaives are our front-line soldiers for a reason.” Yeah, sure, they’re much better than Noctis, he already knows that. “The Kingsglaive alerted us that you had left the Citadel unaccompanied. He followed you to ensure your protection, since you left on your own—”

Noctis snaps, “What’s the point of training if I’m not trusted to protect myself?”

“You haven’t finished you’re training yet, there’s too many dangers—”

“What, in Insomnia? Nothing bad can get in!”

“There are people in Insomnia who will wish you harm, and as the Crown Prince, going anywhere alone is a risk we can’t have,” Ignis says, furious, clearly wanting to yell but not. “We can’t discuss this here. We are going home.” He waves a hand, and the Glaive is there. Noctis glares, and he doesn’t react at all. “Discreetly. I don’t want photographs in the paper tomorrow about the Prince being escorted home from a party. With underaged drinking.”

It’s a lost battle at this point, and all Noctis can do is scowl and glare as he’s herded out of the house away from prying eyes. A car is waiting, because of course it is. Noctis gets in with Ignis, and they drive away from any chance of normal his social life ever had.

…

This is how he ends up making one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

The car ride is silent and tense. Ignis is fuming, his face betraying more of his anger than he’d probably like. Noctis wants to say something—defend himself, explain that it was just a party with his classmates who all had a billion background checks done on them anyway, and what was the point of that if Noctis couldn’t even hang out with any of them?—but all too soon they’re at the Citadel.

They stop, and to his surprise, Ignis makes no move to get out of the car. “Your father is waiting for you inside.”

Noctis flinches. “You told my father?”

Ignis nods without looking at him. “As well as Clarus and Gladio. I expect that they’re also waiting for you.”

Noctis gapes at him. “My father had meetings tonight!”

“Well, you should have thought about that before you snuck out,” Ignis snaps. He takes a deep breath. “Now get out.”

Too stunned to respond, Noctis fumbles with his seat belt and leaves the car, which Ignis drives away as soon as he’s out.

He can’t remember the last time Ignis was so angry with him.

Noctis sees Gladio waiting for him, and any momentary worry is quickly replaced by bitterness. Did Iggy really have to tell everyone that Noctis had snuck out? He was only going to a party!

He doesn’t want to go to Gladio and hear whatever he has to say that is causing that expression on his face, but he trudges over anyway.

“Your Majesty and Lord Amicitia are waiting for you inside,” Gladio says after a prolonged pause.

Noctis starts, “Gladio—”

“I don’t want to hear it,” he interrupts gruffly.

“But Gladio—” Noctis tries again.

“Why didn’t you trust me?” Gladio asks. “I would have gone with you. I would have been your security, and you could still have gone to the party. We could have avoided all of this.”

But that wouldn’t have been the same, Noctis thinks, even though Gladio’s right. But he just wanted one party on his own. Just one.

He leaves Gladio, and braces himself for his father.

His father is in his chambers, waiting for him. Noctis’ guilt rises over making him cancel his meeting, and grows ever more frustrated with Ignis making such a big deal out of this. With a breath, he opens the door, and steps inside.

There are no guards or glaives this time, just his dad and Clarus sitting down at the table, clearly waiting.

Noctis is in so much trouble.

“Why did you sneak out, Noctis?” his father asks softly.

“I just wanted to go to a party,” Noctis says. “It was just a stupid party. It didn’t need to be this big of a deal.”

“No, it didn’t,” Clarus says, voice cool and face stoic. Noctis looks away.

“You went to the party,” his dad continues. “You were unguarded for ten minutes during that time. Noctis, how much can happen in ten minutes?”

Noctis knows this answer. The time it took for his mother to die and for Noctis to be so badly injured that he couldn’t walk for years was less than five minutes.

Suddenly, his mind flashes to sliding down the roof, and he tries not to let his horror show on his face.

“Luckily, nothing happened. Not this time,” his dad says. “Our Kingsglaives and your Advisor acted well, but we might not be so fortunate in the future. I understand that you wish to join your peers at social activities, but we must be cautious. I am assigning a guard to your chambers at night for the next month, and after that, perhaps we can discuss how you may safely attend your classmates’ social events.”

He doesn’t want anyone to watch him sleep, but Noctis knows he’s actually getting off pretty easy. He murmurs, “Okay. Can I go now?”

His dad and Clarus exchange a look. Clarus says, “We’re relieved you’re safe, Noctis. But there’s a reason Gladio has been assigned as your Shield. If nothing else, you should have had him with you.”

“I understand,” Noctis says, miserable and looking at the floor. “Can I go now?”

There’s another brief pause, but his dad thankfully says, “Yes. We’ll speak more tomorrow,” and Noctis wastes no time is ducking out of there.

A glaive shadows him, but he ignores him as much as he can. He can’t lock him out of his room—not that that would work on a glaive anyway—but Noctis can ignore pretty much everything else.

And he can lock everyone else out.

He pulls off his jacket and throws it across the room, rips off his shoes with similar force, and falls down onto his bed on top of the covers. Shifting around, he slips out of his pants and tosses them onto the floor, and crawls under the comforter.

He just wanted to go to a party and be normal for once.

And, despite what his dad said, nothing happened! Yeah, that time on the roof was scary, but Noctis is a lot better with his magic now, he was fine on his own. And how is he ever going to run a country and fight a war if he’s not even strong enough to go out to a party with his classmates?

How can he rule a country if he can’t even be social like a normal person for one night? If he can’t even get anyone to like him without having been raised and predestined to be with him?

He can’t sleep. Doesn’t want to sleep. He thinks about Iggy, and how all people are going to talk about at school next week is how the Prince of Lucis got dragged out of the party like a child.

He’s so pissed off. He just wanted to have fun, why did Ignis have to—

Grabbing a pen on his nightstand, he doesn’t think as he scrawls out MY NAME IS IGNIS STUPIDHEAD SCIENTIA AND I HATE HAVING FUN.

It feels good for a moment. Not enough, because he’s still angry and had such hopes for this party, and it’s just childish, but it makes him feel better.

For a moment. Then icy realizing crawls up his chest, and he hurriedly scratches out Iggy’s name.

It was only a minute, he thinks. They couldn’t have seen it. But they might have.

They might have.

They have Iggy’s name now. With his name, it wouldn’t be at all hard to find him.

That’s not what Noctis wanted. Not at all. He wanted to be mad at Iggy, not risk his life.

Maybe Iggy and everyone was right after all, about risks.

“Glaive Solea,” Noctis says, voice shaky. “Can you get Clarus to come here?”

[fandomflail]

title: Recognition

rating: T, (M in later chapters)

summary: Soulmate trope AU. Set in a world where humans and elves coexist. 

a/n: most of the times, I have John Adam’s problem when it comes to writing. for this fic, I was Alexander Hamilton. I’ll most likely be making weekly updates, though if there’s good response I might do bi-weekly. 

CHAPTER 1 / 8 

The boy is a brunette, eyes the color of oak, and yet though they look nothing alike, he reminds Emma too much of herself. She can still taste the tang of blood as her teeth had crashed against the metal bars of the playground, the jeering of the children as they bullied the dirty little unwensket.

It’s why she’s here, why she’d taken this rather perilous career of Placing unwenskets, or unwanted human children.

“Emma?” little Henry asked, voice strong despite knowing that a visit from Emma Swan meant he was still alone, without a family.

“Hmm?” she responded, running her fingers across the boy’s messy hair, attempting to make it look more presentable.

“What’s Recognition? Or soul meets soul when eyes meet eyes?”

Emma paused, then continued her administrations more slowly. She wanted to ask where Henry had heard that, but considering the theme of Recognition was embedded into all parts of elvish and human society, it seemed like a moot question.

“Recognition is when two beings of the opposite sex have a case of sudden, involuntary connect and need to uh… reproduce, often becoming life-mates. This is described by the phrase, ‘soul meets soul when eyes meet eyes’”.

“So you can’t… you have no power to stop it?”

Emma tamped down her own uneasiness, thinking of the centuries old debate of free will versus the fate and stars of the universe.

“You could resist,” she told the boy who was looking at her with eyes that held a thousand questions, “but most people don’t. Your soulmate is someone who is aligned in every way to you, you don’t have to do anything with them, but you’d be all the more sadder for resisting what is essentially a part of you.”

“But what if you don’t like girls?”

“Like I said, then you don’t have to do anything. You can continue life with your same-sex partner, but as far as I know, having a soulmate of the opposite sex rarely happens to people who don’t like the opposite sex. Recognition is purely… um, it’s… for… making sure there’s children. It’s not something that happens to humans, Henry.”

“So I don’t have to worry that I’ll have to marry Ryan?”

“Who is Ryan?”

“He’s the boy I punched, the one who kept pulling my hair and tripping me.”

In other words, Emma thought, he’s the reason I was called in to see if you could be moved, feeling a sense of righteous rage that Henry was being penalized for defending himself.

“I’m glad you did,” she said to Henry. The boy gasped, turning his head to look at her, making his hair flop across his forehead dramatically.

“You are?” he asked with the innocence of a 11 year old.

“Yes. He’s a bully, and they don’t stop until you push back and say, no, no this is not okay.”

“But now they don’t want me here,” Henry said, eyes moving downcast.

“Do you know where I live, Henry?”

“Is it far from here?”

“Yes. I live in Alamané. Do you know where that is?”

Judging by Henry’s gasp, he’d at least heard of it.

“The elves live there,” he said.

“And humans too,” Emma said, keeping her laughter in check. “It’s a city where those who believe in Integration stay.”

Henry looked like he couldn’t believe what Emma was saying, the unasked question hanging between them, as Emma took a deep breath and said, “Would you like to stay with me for a while in Alamané?”

“Boy, do I ever!”

* * *

In what she supposes is an inevitable progression, Emma Swan finds herself with a son, officially, two years later. Henry’s taken to Alamané like an elf to fine crochet, that is to say, impeccably.

They have a routine and everything, and Emma would have never guessed that bringing a teenage boy into her life would lead to such structure and contentment.

“Mom!” Henry yelled, bursting through the door like a whip was at his heels.

“Indoor voice!” she yelled back, putting the case file down and looking up as he skidded into the living room.

“You’re yelling too!” he said, but barreled on, “you’re not going to believe this, Mom, you are NOT going to believe this, the Noble Elves are going to be visiting next month!”

“Oh, really? That’s awesome, kid,” she said, taking in his bright cheeks and obvious delight.

Henry had been obsessed about the elves as a young child, reading about them as a form as escapism. Elves had incredibly low fertility rates, as well as high maternal and infant mortality rates. A successful pregnancy and birth were often a great cause of celebration, and as such, children were revered. She could understand why an unwensket would yearn to be close to elves, why he would covet such a thing.

“They’re holding an open court in the Alamané Council Court, can we go, please?”

“It’s not like you haven’t seen an elf, Henry,” she reminded him with a smile, even though they both knew she was going to say yes to his request.

“I know, Gracie and her father are going,” he said, referring to his only elvish friend, one he’d met at the library, of all places. It still surprised her, sometimes, how close they were.

After all, as progressive and inclusive as Alamané was about Integration, the fact remained that humans outnumbered elves 5,000 to 1, and 10,000 to 1 when it came to elvish children. As such, they were often regarded as celebrities, and for all the Integration activities, the divide between the two species were numerous and cause for tensions.

“Do you suppose we could go with them?”

“Gracie’s dad already said yes,” Henry said with no trace of shame. “Mr. Jefferson would love to see you,” he added on, with a smirk that was unbecoming.

“He’s not my type, Henry.”

“He said you’re fae-like, mum.”

She turned, mouth dropping open in shock. “He told you that?!”

“No, he asked me if you had a bit of elvish in you. I said your ear tips are too round.”

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head at him. “That’s stereotypical. And stop meddling,” she said sternly.

* * * 

The strong winds had her hair flying all over the place, making Emma huff repeatedly as she attempted to stuff it into the hood of her jacket.

Irritatingly beside her, Jefferson stood adorned in only his long tunic coat and pants, undisturbed by the weather. In addition to their long lives, elves had an internal heating system Emma would have given a few toes for. It was maddening, how lithe and agile this made them seem.

“It’s odd, how much praise they get just for being born into a Noble House,” Jefferson said, appearing to address all of them.

“Oh papa,” Gracie said, a smile turning the corner of her lips up, “don’t be so vexed, they’re more than vapid figureheads.”

“Oh, did you hear that the Elvenking will be wearing the Alexandrite Crown today?” Henry said, joining in the conversation without a care. Emma tugged a little on his scarf, securing it tighter so he’d stay warm.

“Is that true? I don’t think the crown has left the Enchanted Forest palace in centuries,” Jefferson said, giving Henry a stare that looked like approval. It made Emma feel proud, despite the fact that she didn’t need the elf’s approval - it was just… he was so odd, his mannerisms and eccentricity; she could never be sure if it was ‘just an Elf Thing’ or a personality thing. It felt like a victory.

“Why are they here?” Emma asked.

Jefferson lowered his volume, drawing the children and her closer. “It is said, that the younger prince eschewed his elvish pride and has been posing as human, living in Alamané for a close to a decade. He’s had tumultuous relations with his family but is going to rejoin Noble society.”

“Really? Why not announce that?”

“I would imagine, if rumors of the prince are true, his flighty nature might dissuade them from making any pre-mature announcements.”

“Oh,” she said, not sure what to make of that. It sounded like family drama best left in the family, so she said, “and how did Gracie get to the front of the line, in a place of honor?”

“Look around, Miss Swan, how many elvish children do you see? We have difficulty having them as it is, the years surrounding Gracie’s birth were even more difficult than usual. Any child is an honor to have attend. Children are great blessings, which is why I don’t understand how humans can just…leave them.”

“As a human, I have no idea either,” she said, putting a hand on Henry’s shoulder, which earned her an exasperated shake.

“You’re one too, aren’t you?” he asked lowly, voice low and smooth as a hot knife to butter.

“One what? An unwensket, you mean?”

“I did not use such a vulgar word,” he said, tone low and reprimanding, “the word orphan would do just as well.”

“That’s somehow worse,” she groused, “we’re reclaiming the word.”

“Humans are so odd,” Jefferson sighed, attention captured as Gracie hissed,”Papa!” grabbing onto his sleeve.

“Oh my gosh, there, there,” Henry said, as the crowd surged forward as the most beautiful beings to have ever graced the planets emerged at the front of the hall.

There were four of them, two women and two men, the blue crown of the Elvenking practically glowing atop the dark hair of his head. The Elvenking and his consort were fair of skin, both with ebony hair, tall and imposing. The other man had long curly blonde hair, a color much like Emma’s own sunshine, while his partner’s hair was so blonde it was almost white, her face reminding Emma of blown glass - fragile but strong enough to cut you. It was such an odd way to think of anyone’s face, but such was the thoughts that first entered her mind.

“Mum, mum, are you looking?”

“Yes, Henry,” she said.

There was a clink, a loud ringing sound that vibrated across the whole hall, which silenced everyone abruptly.

“Thank you for being here today,” the Elvenking spoke; his voice was not at all what Emma expected. She had expected a clear, melodious voice from a man who looked like that, and instead was treated to a deep baritone.

“It is always a great joy to visit Alamané, where man and elf live side by side, in cultured society. We look forward to meeting with our people, and any human accompanied by elves. And of course, should you be approached by our Noble Sukrasa with an invite to our Royal Gala, we will see you then. Namárië, tenna enta lúmë.”

“Namárië, tenna enta lúmë,” chorused the elves in the hall.

“What does that mean?” she heard Henry whisper to Gracie.

“Farewell, until the next time.”

“Namahrey, tenner enta loomeh,” Henry attempted, earning a giggle from Gracie, who proceeded to correct his pronunciation.

* * *

Henry was literally bouncing on the balls of his feet, dressed impeccably in a dark green elven tunic that Jefferson had procured.

“I cannot believe this, am I dead? Am I dead? Is this what death feels like? Because it is awesome!” Henry was babbling, swirling the sleeves of his tunic around as Emma dressed, cinching the corset of her gown, a designer from renowned elven dress-maker, Merline Camelot.

Jefferson had insisted on renting them both fine quality clothes because they’d been invited by the Elvenking himself, who had looked at the four of them and had probably thought what a perfect picture of Integration they made.

“A royal ball! Am I dead?!”

“Henry, calm down kid, before you work yourself up into an anxiety attack.”

“Anxiety? No way. No way, I might die of a heart attack when we get there, but that’s a different story.”

She laughed, shaking her head fondly. “Anyone tell you you’re super dramatic?”

“Do you think they’ll let me be the official Royal Storyteller?”

“Is that even a thing?”

“Of course it is!”

“Okay, I believe you,” she said, still laughing, as she did a little twirl of her own. The flowing white sleeves fanned around her, as did the bottom of the dress, the intricate lace patterns so beautiful Emma could have cried. Gracie had gotten her a flower crown to match her own little one, and for the first time in her life, Emma wondered if she could pass as an elf maiden herself. She certainly looked the part tonight.

“You’re sure you’re not elven, Emma?” Jefferson had asked, eyes widening when he’d taken her in, and she had simply smiled as they had entered the beautifully decorated Royal Ball Hall.

She met more elves in those few hours than she had ever met living ten years in Alamané. There would be one, however, who would forever change everything.

tagging those who showed interest in the sneak pic, please track tag ‘cs ff recognition’ for future updates: 

@piratesails @freckelscheeks @pinkbonesforeverblog @alys07 @emswan @julesep3026 @rouhn @stephat815 @strawberryfieldsbricksonwalls @andiirivera @env13 @klar425 @urufrufruf @shady-swan-jones @teamhook @fleurreads @fictional-redheads @myswan-myhappyending-mylove @scottieswan @haocomeback @onceuponaprincessworld @adeelam @fallensites @deathbycaptainswan @ascolinwishes @ab-normality 

[tiaraofsapphires]

my satellite (shine on me tonight)- Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Fault

Read on Ao3 here!

Sara woke up to an undeniable feeling of nausea.

The next thing she felt was Jaal as he spooned her from behind, a warm and strong wall of muscle.

She definitely preferred the latter over the former.

She shifted against him, taking a deep breath, trying to center herself, ignore the feeling.

This was probably nothing.

Sara lurched out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom moments later.

Nope, not nothing.

Her knees hit the ground in front of the toilet before the first wave came, the sound of retching and coughing filling the little space.

It was in her nose, too. And it burned.

Fuck, she prided herself in not getting sick (the three times she died/almost died didn’t count as being sick).

So, this was an unfamiliar sensation of just…ick.

It didn’t help she ate more than usual before she went to sleep. A recent resupply meant a stocked galley which also meant a meal more substantial than nutrient paste.

It was great at the time, jerky and Heleus-native rice and dried fruit.

Now, not so great.

She glanced down at her stomach. Still no bump yet, but she could imagine the lump that was her child just shrugging its little shoulders.

I didn’t do that. Wasn’t my fault. The pyjak did it!

“You’re grounded,” she breathed. “You aren’t even born yet and you’re so grounded.”

She rested her head on the chilled rim of the toilet and saw a familiar figure in the doorway from the corner of her eye.

“Are you okay, Sara?” Jaal asked.

Rhetorical question. She moaned between spitting into the toilet.

“No.”

“Do you want me to sit with you?”

She knew how angara were like about illness, so she hesitated in shouting ‘yes!’

Company would’ve been nice. But if she made Jaal uncomfortable, no good.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Sara said, leaving him every opportunity to retreat back to bed.

Instead, Jaal stepped into the room and sat down cross-legged just behind her right side, angling himself so the mess in the toilet was just out of view.

For both their benefit, she flushed the mess away.

“I will stay with you, my dearest one,” Jaal said.

His hand was at her back, rubbing over her spine.

Sara tried to focus on the hand, ignore the feeling roiling in her stomach.

It worked for maybe half a minute before she was leaning over the toilet again with an ugly noise.

“Okay, I know you’re uncomfortable,” Sara muttered when the sensation subsided for a moment.

“I am. But I will suspend my feelings for your sake.” He threaded his fingers through her hair, pulling wayward strands out of her face.

“I love you so much, my dearest,” he said.

His hand returned to her back, rubbing gently now.

She smiled, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

Now it was just dry-heaving, which was just as unpleasant as wet-heaving. But every time she made a noise, lurched over the toilet, she could hear Jaal’s sharp inhale, feel his hand tense where he touched her. She didn’t have to look at him to know he was rigid and wincing.

“I love you with all my heart, Jaal. I really do. And that how I know how much you don’t like this. I can feel it.”

There was a pause, like Jaal was going to protest.

“Are human pregnancies always like this?” he asked instead.

Sara nodded, though it probably was a stretch of the truth. This wasn’t a human pregnancy, not really.

“Yep. Now, let me up. I think I’m done.”

He kissed the crown of her head before helping her up. He was probably holding his breath and closing his eyes before they made the turn from the toilet.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Jaal asked.

Sara shook her head.

“No, its fine. I’ll just brush my teeth and go back to bed.”

His hand came up to skim over the ridge of her cheek.

“I shall work on the Nomad. Until I see you, my love.”

She leaned into his hand a touch, unwilling to kiss him with her gross mouth. Then he left.

Sara brushed her teeth to get rid of the taste of bile and acid and lumbered back to bed.

“Fuck,” she muttered. “SAM, please tell me this is normal.”

The nauseous feeling wouldn’t go away. And this was way too early in the pregnancy for morning sickness anyway, right?

“Typically, morning sickness starts a few weeks later it has for you.”

Okay, so she was right. She read pretty much everything one could read on human pregnancy. She couldn’t manage to find anything on angara pregnancies, and probably couldn’t ask anyone without raising questions.

“I can try to minimalize the severity of your nausea,” SAM informed.

He didn’t need to ask twice.

SAM worked his magic until the gross feeling in her stomach slowly faded to something that could be easily ignored. But a feeling of utter exhaustion stole over her in exchange.

Figures. Awesome. Just what she, the human Pathfinder, needed. Vomiting, then exhaustion.

This pregnancy was going to take forever.

She was almost at the one-month mark, the end of the two-week period Jaal and Sara gave themselves before announcing to loved ones (and by extension the rest of the cluster). In fact, they were planning to gather the crew the next day to deliver the news, after informing their families over vid-call.

Neither he nor she really knew what to say that was in any way eloquent.

“Yeah, a couple weeks later. But, this isn’t an ordinary pregnancy,” Sara mumbled.

“Yes. You may experience symptoms earlier and perhaps more severely than in a human pregnancy. And there is also the fact that the fetus is half-angara, which may cause new and unexpected symptoms.”

“Such as?”

“I have been going through scenarios. There is a high probability the fetus has inherited an angara’s bioelectrics, which may interact with your body.”

What?

“So, I might get electrocuted by my own child?”

SAM paused for a moment. “It is a possibility.”

“Great.”

“I predict muscle spasms and more severe, yet short-lived moodswings as a result from fetal bioelectricity, if this is the case.”

Sara sighed.

Okay. Fine. A grab-bag of pregnancy symptoms for the next eight months.

Not an ideal situation, but as long as they weren’t completely debilitating or fatal, she couldn’t be bothered to complain. She signed up for this, she was seeing this through.

A trip to Lexi to see about some anti-nausea drugs might be required if SAM couldn’t keep a sustained influence on her body.

Sara slept for an undetermined amount of time before her omnitool chimed and stirred her awake.

“Gil needs to see you, Pathfinder,” Suvi announced.

Sara let out a loud, long groan. Of all the times the Tempest mechanic could’ve needed her, it had to be now.

There was a beat of silence before Suvi spoke up again.

“Uh, Sara?”

Fuck. The channel was open. Suvi, and likely Kallo, heard everything.

“Sorry, Suvi. Tell Gil I’ll be down in a minute.”

This time, Sara made sure no one could hear her before she groaned loudly again.

Well, that was embarrassing and unprofessional. She would have to apologize to Suvi for that later.

After putting on clothes that didn’t smell like sweat and vomit, she trudged to Gil’s ‘office’.

Immediately, the redhead caught on that something didn’t look too good. She could see it in his face. Damn him for being perceptive.

“Whoa, you don’t look good,” he said.

Sara realized her face probably looked still blotched and eyes bloodshot from recent events. Shit. Time to deflect.

“I’m sick.”

Gil’s eyebrows shot up towards his hairline.

“Sick? Our illustrious Pathfinder is sick?”

She almost wanted to shake Gil but held back.

This was partially his fault that he was sick in the first place.

It was at his (and Jill’s) behest that she got off the blockers.

‘An example for the rest of the Initiative,’ they had said.

It had been more a symbolic gesture than anything when Sara did it, since she had assumed that her relationship with Jaal mooted the need for birth control anyway.

And that assumption was so, so wrong.

It only served to take down one less hurdle on her way to getting her pregnant.

Angara hormones, Remnant bullshit, lack of birth control.

Gil would probably be excited to hear the news, hell, Jill would be ecstatic. But Sara was stressed enough as it is worrying that Lexi was going to let slip the secret.

“Yep,” Sara nodded, carefully deflecting, “You know, human things. Because this Pathfinder is still human.”

“You’d think SAM would be able to fix that for you.”

“That would likely compromise the Pathfinder’s immune system,” SAM chimed in helpfully.

Gil shrugged.

“Fair enough. But I didn’t call you in here to debate on how you handle your health.”

“You didn’t?”

“Nope. Ah, actually, I was wondering if you wanted to play poker.”

Sara blinked. “Again? Right now?”

Gil shrugged and pulled out a worn-looking deck of cards.

“If you’re not busy, of course.”

Really, it wasn’t that difficult a request. He could’ve had her help calibrate some device or another, something that was above her skillset or had her do some heavy lifting.

Letting herself get trounced by Gil in a poker game wasn’t the worst thing he could’ve asked of her.

“Are you going to enlist my help?” SAM echoed in her head.

“No, thanks.”

Because she already used SAM to win once, she wasn’t going to use him again. That was just playing dirty.

“What are the stakes? More credits on the line?”

“Our pride?”

Sara shrugged. “Fair enough.”

They sat down across from each other, a large crate between them.

Gil shuffled the deck and dealt the cards with practiced precision.

And it was clear to Sara very quickly that he was distracted. There were cracks in his poker face that even she could see without SAM’s prompting.

After many minutes, Gil sat back and set his hand on the table.

“Huh, look at that,” Gil muttered. “You won.”

“I wasn’t using SAM, this time. Just so you know.”

Gil chewed the inside of his cheek.

“Huh. Not quite sure I believe you.”

Sara rolled her eyes.

“Well, believe it.”

They sat in a tense silence for a few moments.

“Alright, now that you’ve gotten this out of your system, care to tell me what you really want to tell me?” Sara asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Sara cocked a brow.

“Seriously, I know what you’re like when you’re in the ‘poker zone’ or whatever. So, unless you wanted to give me a pity win for whatever reason, something’s up.”

Gil looked like he was going to deny everything before his posture drooped.

“It’s about Jill.”

Sara froze, waited for Gil to continue.

“You know how I was gonna father Jill’s kid?” Gil paused, cleared his throat. “Well, Jill tried. Recently. The first embryos, two of them, actually, didn’t take. Just received word.”

He gestured vaguely at one of the monitors, where Sara assumed he had read the message from.

It took a moment for the information to sink in, what it meant.

“Oh. Gil, I’m so sorry,” Sara whispered.

She wasn’t ready for the wave of guilt that swept over her, making her throat tight and her eyes burn. She knew Jill wanted to have children and was trying to have children. Sara was able to get pregnant without even trying, and the pregnancy was continuing as normal.

“It’s okay,” Gil said. “Jill’s gonna give it a month or two before trying again. I figure she’s not gonna stop until the fertilization is successful. Wait—are you crying?”

Sara’s hand shot to her face and sure enough there was wetness on her cheeks.

“Well, uh, you’re right,” she muttered.

Gil reached over and patted her shoulder. It was clear he was affected by this and he was not okay but Sara didn’t know what to do.

“Don’t worry, it’ll happen eventually. Sure, Jill’s disappointed.”

Forcing her totally-not-pregnancy-related emotions in a corner of her mind, she managed a smile. More for Gil’s benefit than hers.

“Yeah. I’m—I’m sure good news will come soon.”

She immediately wanted to kick herself when something like suspicion crept into Gil’s expression.

Shit.

“Well, I’ll leave you to your thoughts,” Sara muttered, lightly punching Gil’s arm before making a totally-not-rushed-and-slightly-panicked beeline for the exit.

Not suspicious. At all. Good job, Sara. Go you.

On her way back to her room, Sara decided she wasn’t sure if Gil was going to love or hate her when she delivered the news the next day.

[gobigorgohome2016]

Staying Injury Free

A few days ago one of Dave’s former college teammates stayed with us.  He and I talked shop, and he was especially curious about my high mileage and durability, given that he had been plagued with mileage-related injuries for most of his running career.  He made the comment that I must be very biomechanically sound, and I laughed.  While I have worked hard to fix a lot of my inefficiencies, 15 of the past 17 years of running I had pretty bad form.  

On a shakeout the other day, Dave and I were talking about possible reasons why I have been fortunate to be relatively injury-free, drawing upon my 7-years of being injury-free in middle school and high school, my 5 years of being mostly injured in college, and then the previous 6 years where I have had two injuries:  a calf strain that was directly related to rolling out of bed, hungover, and going immediately for a dehydrated run in high heat and humidity after 4 hours of sleep, and an “up the chain” injury that resulted from poor dorsii flexion in my ankle, causing compensations in my knee/hip.  I consider both of those to be somewhat freak injuries, different than if I were to have sustained a stress fracture or tendonitis.  

Anyway, I noticed that a lot of people have posted on social media that one of their new year’s resolutions is to be injury free in 2017.  Listed here are some of the factors that I think have helped me be pretty durable throughout my running career.

I Have Good Genes First and foremost, I’m sure genetics play a huge role.  If you know my family, you’re probably like, umm, really, good genes?  Isn’t everyone in your family sick?  While the answer is yes, my dad has regenerative super healing powers that have made him last much longer than he probably should have.  For instance, 5 years ago he had congestive heart failure.  This past year, cardiologists at mayo clinic announced the heart failure to be a fluke [this is not normal].  His primary mayo clinic doctor has also marveled numerous times that he seems to have super healing abilities when it comes to surgeries and other procedures.  I am convinced that I have some of his recovery abilities.  My mom is also pretty hardy, which shouldn’t be surprising considering she claims she was a pioneer in her past life and will be a farrier (horse shoer) in her next life.  (note:  my mom is afraid of horses).  If you don’t have good genes, it helps to figure out your deficiencies.  Do all of your family members suffer from low bone density?  Calcium supplements and strength training may be a good way to mitigate these issues.  

I Run on Soft Surfaces In middle school and high school I only ever ran on soft surfaces, thanks to the nearby Indiana Dunes and a coach who was willing to drive us out there every day.  My only injury-free year of college also consisted primarily of soft-surface running.  I do think that one reason for my injuries the rest of the time in Milwaukee was due to running on A LOT of concrete.  Post-college, I returned to trails and crushed limestone, and it was a great transition for my legs.  Now, 75%+ of my running is on trails or crushed gravel. 

I’m Lazy I have said it before and I will say it again:  I don’t love running for the sake of running.  For me, training is a necessary evil so that I can do what I truly enjoy, which is race.  Therefore, my brain is always looking for a way out.  If I have the slightest niggle, sniffle, or prolonged muscle soreness, I take a day off or cut my run short.  The focus is on being able to race for me, not painfully powering through a run just so that I can write it down in my running log.

Good Coaching The more that I talk to others, the more I am realizing how much a coach shapes the early stages of a runner’s development.  I was very fortunate that my high school coach (who is also my current coach) preached the importance of getting to the starting line healthy.  I have always understood that health > hitting all of your workouts.  I distinctly remember my junior year of high school going over my running log with my coach and being proud of the fact that I had run 100 days in a row.  I told him about how I almost didn’t make it because I had a week where my calves were absolutely destroyed and I didn’t really want to do my Sunday run, but didn’t want to give up my streak.  In my 16 year old dumb head I thought I was being smart and awesome, but instead he told me I should have called him that day and he would have told me to rest.  I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my junior track season was relatively my worst out of all of high school. 

Sponsorship One thing that has surprised me is that I’m more cautious with my training now that I have sponsorship and am on elite ambassador teams.  I truthfully would have thought it would be the other way around.  But, while no sponsor or ambassador program has said this to me, I know that I am worth more as an athlete to be running high level races than to not be running at all.  If that means taking a day off here or there to rehab an injury, then I am more likely to do so than I was 5 year ago.  I also realize that getting invited to run big events sometimes depends on whether I have raced recently, and staying healthy & racing often is as much a business decision as it is something I enjoy.

I Ignore Pace I, like 99.9% of runners, don’t need to be told to speed up.  I will run the pace that’s right for me and my body on any given day.  So, unless I’m running a long run or a workout, I don’t wear my GPS.  I simply map a route for the mileage and run.  I see it way too often where people don’t like the pace they see on their watch (even though it’s the right pace for the day) so they speed up and stress their bodies unnecessarily.  If I am wearing  watch, I tend to run “Badger Miles,” where I just assume I’m running 8 minute pace.  Most times I’m running faster, but sometimes I’m running slower, too.  Since I run primarily on trails, it’s silly to keep a GPS going anyway.  

I’m Flexible Case in point:  over the weekend, I raced a 5k, lifted afterwards, and then ran a 20 miler in the mud the next day, which usually doesn’t bother me but left me very, very sore come Sunday night.  Instead of doing my planned 20 x 200 m on Tuesday, I am heading out in an hour to run the workout, feeling way better now than I did yesterday.  While there are times you should run on tired legs, I’m not at that part in my training cycle.  Being flexible in terms of when I train, and allowing myself ample recovery, is a huge part of staying injury-free.  This is also why I purposely don’t train with others.  If there were set workout days, I would have a difficult time putting the needs of my body over my ego.  

I Sleep I 1000% get that not everyone has the luxury to sleep as much as I do.  But, a lot of people could stand to cut back on mileage in order to increase sleep, and this wouldn’t hurt their fitness (it would do the opposite).  A rule of thumb that I love:  add 10 minutes of sleep for every 10 miles of weekly running.  Therefore, if you run 50 miles per week, add 50 minutes of sleep each night to your base level.  For me, even when I’m not running, I need 7 - 8 hours of sleep.  That means I need 8.5 - 9.5 hours of sleep per night, which is pretty accurate considering I tend to average 9 hours of sleep when I don’t set an alarm.  Figure out the best balance of sleep and mileage for your routine.

I Eat More and more I realize how lucky I am that my mother never restricted her diet, never restricted my diet, and planned our meals based on the dessert she wanted to serve that night.  Growing up, I subsisted on a midwestern diet based on the strict GI needs of my father (who no longer has a colon and can only eat easy-to-digest foods).  We ate a lot of simple foods: meat, potatoes, fish, cooked veggies, and gravies, as well as apple crisps, pies, and shortcakes.  Baking powder biscuits, of which the primary ingredient is crisco, was a staple in our household.  2% milk was served with every meal.  I grew up strong and well-fueled, with a healthy attitude towards meal time.  

I Get the Science A big aggravating factor I see in athletes when it comes to injury is not wanting to take a day or two off due to fear of losing fitness or gaining weight.  Both of these points are moot, and there is plenty of science to back them up.  For one, if you take 7 days off and do absolutely nothing, you will only lose a negligible percentage of your VO2 max, which won’t matter unless you are an elite athlete at the very peak of your training cycle.  Two, you are more likely to lose “weight”, in the form of decreased inflammation, if you take a short period of time off and rehab your body. 

I Make the Right Investments Self care is important, whether that means going to yoga, foam rolling, doing stretching/strengthening activities at home, going to PT regularly (and keeping up with the exercises), or massage therapy.  For me, all of these are important in keeping myself injury free.  While paying for all of these can be difficult at times, it is definitely worth it to me to take care of my body.

I Have Poor Pain Tolerance To go along with making the right investments, I have to pay for those things because my pain tolerance for every day training isn’t very good (races are another story).  I get legit depressed if I’m in pain while I run, so I just take a few days off so that I can only run pain free.

I Had a Long Build Up If you follow my blog, you only know part of the story.  I was NOT always a high mileage runner.  In fact, I never hit a 70 mile week in my life until 2011, and I didn’t hit a 100 mile week until late 2015.  In college I never got above 60 mpw.  Unpopular opinion:  I take issue with the year-end “I ran x number of miles this year” posts because, IMO, they cause more harm than good.  If you didn’t run your highest mileage ever, you’re going to be down on yourself.  It also perpetuates the idea that more is more, when more is not more.  I ran 600 fewer miles in 2016 than 2015 and was arguably more fit.  Mileage doesn’t tell the whole story, and starting the new year hell-bent to beat a previous mileage high is a great way to get injured.  

I Strength Train I will be the first to admit that I have never appreciated the art of strength training until recently.  I stopped doing any form of strength completely between 2010 and 2016, and I will be the first to admit that I was VERY lucky not to have more serious problems than some hamstring tendonopathy.  Now that I’m back to regular strength and core work, I can say with absolute certainty that it has helped me overcome some biomechanic issues that have contributed to aches and pains in the past.

[survivorindia]

Whatever Forever- jaiden (Episode 3)

Anyway!!!!!!!! I just got elimed and whew I'm just feeling so many emotions. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown the immunity to save lexi, maybe I should've kept ace over Ashley,maybe I never really had a chance in this game in the first place. Overall? I just feel bad for promising lexi that I'd help keep her in the game and then immediately flopping, and for Kendall, leaving my one tru ally by herself, I hope the swap goes in her favour and that both of them can vote out the rest of the returnee heroes, some revenge is always nice TBH. Ashley, gav and Alex, I really did trust two of you and I was gonna stay loyal so it sucks that y'all flipped so easily, of course the fact that Ashley had an idol probably wasn't the best thing, but we could've figured something out. I hope the three of you get elimed soon or at least prejury bc you know the great dan whatever his last name is said flippers never win and well it's no fun seeing snakes get far either TBH ! And I know y'all won't be reading this til later but good luck newbies I hope y'all truly slay this game bc really some of these returnees I would really rather see get elimed except maybe Kendall and Jordan pines. This has been a fun game for the most part, the challenges were great, the hosts were greater (even David Robb) and I met some good people in my short stay here! Do I have some regrets? Yeah but I wouldn't have wanted to play this game any other way. Keep an eye out for me in the returnee season :~) single digits I'm still coming for ya!

So not much has happened this round. We won, yet again. And my #1 ally out of everyone in this game, my good friend Monte, was sadly voted out. But best believe I'm gonna win this game for him!

What in the heckie is Nicole doing?

What the FUCK? These people need to CHILL out. It's our fault - we made the mistake, the hosts don't have to babysit us every step of the way. Now we gotta own it and win this tiebreaker - honestly, Danny g'luck (I WAS FORCED TO MAKE THIS S/O) to these people, because they are getting on my nerves with their complaining rn. 

We keep winning. I love that. But Jordan Pines might wanna blindside me... so to that I say:

Am I exaggerating? A little bit. I think. I don't know. I'm being weird and emotional so idk what the fuck I'm actually thinking... I hope I get voted out next at this point yay

Okay, everyone listening? Two common misconceptions about pegging: If a man likes pegging, he must be gay. If you peg a straight man, he will become gay. Cue Laughter and Eye Roll - Both of these are so ridiculous as to be laughable on so many levels. Gender preference has nothing to do with the sex toys you like to play with...or the area of your body you like your partner to play with. For those of you who have fears around this - please excuse the laughter...though I do find the concept quite humorous. Think of it this way...If a straight man enjoys getting pegged by a woman there is no reason whatsoever to think that all of a sudden he will crave sex with men. Just like if a straight woman enjoys receiving oral sex from a man there is no reason whatsoever to think that she will suddenly want to be a lesbian. See how silly that sounds? (Now if the man is bisexual, just ignore all this and go to the next blog post because he prefers both genders so these points are moot.) A man who wants his ass fucked is gay, you say? Bullshit. (I seem to be in a sassy mood tonight.) Remember, the male ass is the source of an amazing amount of pleasure via the prostate gland. Whether a man experiences that pleasure from his lady's finger(s), his own finger(s), a toy (there are so many), his lady’s strap-on, a butt plug, his partner's finger(s) or his partner's cock makes no difference. All of the above are simply various examples of the pursuit of pleasurable sensations from an ass. Many really nice toys are specifically made for anal pleasure! That should give you a bit of pause. Maybe the people buying these items know something....just like the 150 - 200 million gay men in the world. But wait - I'm probably confusing you... Unexplored Ecstasy - The point here is that anal exploration is about pleasure, not an indicator of gender preference. What I find a shame is that so many straight men will not indulge in that pleasure because of these misconceptions along with the bullshit social stigma attached to it. Maybe it's just me (standing here ready with my strap-on), but that sounds like a lot of pleasure being abstained from...and oh my the word abstinence  in any form is not a popular one amongst the pleasure seekers that have found their way to Pegging Paradise! I am certain there are men out there who secretly would love to have their ass teased with...well, a variety of things. These men hesitate to ask for it because they fear their partner's reaction to their request or the reaction of others if they found out. All of this is fed by the original misconceptions as well as a puerile dose of idiotic homophobia. Get over it, people! I know...easier for me to say here in Southern California when some of you might be in conservative strait-laced sex-negative hell somewhere. But hey - we need to start somewhere, right? Are you going to let other people's narrow-minded attitudes affect your pursuit of pleasure in the privacy of your own bedroom (hotel room, board room, etc)? I think not. No Fear - So Ladies, I urge you to get over your own fears that if you fuck your man in the ass with a strap-on dildo the gay fairy will instantly appear and sprinkle him with magic gay dust and you will lose him forever to his own gender. Okay? If you can't let go of that fear, you have no business strapping on a dildo. I mean really...are you going to follow him around after you fuck him and be suspicious of all of his encounters with males? Let it go, ladies. And when you get your man where you want him and you have your way with him...don't kiss and tell. Especially if you live in one of those strait-laced sex-negative hell places I spoke of previously. Instead, treasure the vulnerability your man has shared with you and let him know that come hell or high water or nosy girlfriends, he can trust you to keep that part of your sex life confidential. Pleasure Seeking - Gentlemen, the other part of the formula here is you. If you are clear about which gender you prefer, that's your stable base. Do your best to let go of any homophobic comments you have heard, read or even, heaven forbid, said. Your anus is a part of your body that, when properly stimulated, offers a whole new world of pleasure. Orgasms with anal stimulation are most times much more intense and produce much more cum (that's always fun). Given just that, why wouldn't you want to at least check it out? If you love it, all that means is that you love getting fucked with a strap-on by the woman who makes you hot. There is no "Insta-gay" phenomenon that happens if your lady pegs you. As one man put it: I like breasts with my strap-on, thank you! Pegger/Peggee - Wouldn't it be awesome if people who were into pegging walked around in T-Shirts that said, simply, "Pegger" or "Peggee"? I mean - relatively few people who are not kink-oriented know the sexual meaning of the word so lovingly created by Dan Savage. So the masses of people leading lives of quiet desperation (read: sex-negative) wouldn't have a clue what it meant. And if asked, one could always say with a smile, "Look it up on Wikipedia". Just make sure it's a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile as you say the words and they just might look it up. Presto, you have just spread the word about a luscious, sexy, pleasure-filled act that couples can add to their carnal repertoire. You may have changed their lives forever...in a rather explosive way.

AHAHAHAHAHA @GAVIN

THOSE BOYS WANT TRIBAL TN BECAUSE WE LOST IMMUNITY AND IM SO FUCKING NERVOUS I DONT WANT TO DIE I HAVE SO MANY PLANS IF JORDAN SACRIFICE ME FOR NICOLE OKOKOKOK 

So... mission successful. Let's quickly debrief: 1. Ashley trusts me a lot more after I told her details that Alex told me in private. Making Ashley feel like she was on shaky ground further resulted in her letting me know that she has an idol. Whether or not it is true is besides the point... the true crux of the matter is that I have Ashley left in the game with three people she can't trust and me... so that means I ought to be her #1. 2. Alex and I are as tight as ever. Even despite giving Ashley information, I was able to quickly fix that bond. I genuinely like and trust Alex, but I can't let the cloud my judgement. He's very close to Kendall, which scares me, but I have looked to leverage that in our post-tribal call. In my conversations with Alex, I want to make him feel like he is calling the shots while still looking to provide input. Thus far, I think I have done that. With Ashley allegedly having the idol (information that was supposed to be "kept secret" but was totally not "kept secret" xD), I have talked to Alex extensively about the next vote and I've made a deal with him to take out Karen rather than Kendall... while also *hopefully* keeping Ashley's idol in play. My goal here is to come out of this with both Ashley and Alex working independently, but all in all, nonetheless in my best interests. In short, the way this tribe seems to be shaking out is that there is this façade of autonomy and power that Karen and Kendall have. They have this illusion that they call the shots, while it really is Alex and I that hold the cards in this dynamic. Kendall, to get Alex completely on my side... I need to spare you to gain his trust, BUT MARK MY WORDS I'M GOING FOR YOU! *Nothing against you, just your social game is very very strong but annoyingly obvious too ;3* Oh. And Ace got voted out too... I guess.

I never really made an opening confessional, so here I go I guess? I am really... really excited to be back. It's so easy for so many people to say "Oh yeah I've played a ton, people want me back." We see it with a ton of people, and that's not a bad thing. People want to see them back for a big reason. But I never had that. Coming off of Malaysia I was hated and people did not really respect me for who I was and thought that I was some awful person and player. It definitely hit me hard a bit, but at the time I was like, okay that's fine, there's other seasons. Tumblr does a lot. And so I applied. I applied for Sri Lanka with Marie and didn't make it. I applied for Rebels vs Rogues and didn't make it. I applied for Bora Bora and didn't make it. I believe I applied for Generations and wasn't casted, or I didn't believe I was going to have time due to time conflicts. I wasn't contacted for Maldives. I missed the application for Tenochtitlan. I applied for Sicily and didn't make it. I believe I applied for Bangladesh and didn't make it. I wasn't contacted for Arabia (though there may have been apps and I missed it). I wasn't contacted for Myanmar. And I was super excited to finally get this chance to play in Lazio but I missed the acceptance of my application. And going back to all the times I had tried to play or just was kind of ignored it was rough. I kind of thought I was done. And now I'm here playing in India. After over a year on and off of trying to play this game again. And to be honest, I'm hella pumped. Because I've missed out on so many chances to play. I think it says something when even parts of my Malaysia cast aren't even excited to see me on the season. This is kind of my opportunity to prove people wrong. My personality showed even at this Tribal where I literally told Gavin his answer to the Tribal Question was awful and completely wrecked Ace after he wished us a heartfelt goodbye. I want people to know that I am playing as hard as I can. I'm not here to change who I am to impress people. I'm here to show who I am so that I can prove to people that I'm not some worthless player who doesn't deserve to be back; I definitely feel like some people think that is the truth. I'm going to prove people wrong. Count on it.

I know I said I wanted to be a villain but goddamn, this is pretty fucked up. Oh right context because mind reading technology hasn't been invented quite yet. To make a long story short, Karen made an alliance chat with our victim (Ashley) and now it has a name and now it is terrible. Alex brings up voting Karen and that raisin I call a heart was all like "YAAASS QUEEN!" And my brain was tempted by the #bigmove but getting rid of Karen... is truthfully not to my benefit. Sure Karen is manipulative but she seems to trust me. She confides in me with information and she includes me in all her fucked up little schemes. In a sense, I'm the Trish to her Tony. If Trish and Tony were two gay and emotionally stunted children of course. Plus she has the connections to the other side that could get us far into the game and I am confident enough in our friendship that she will stay by my side. Of course, I will remain wary of her but for now I think our relationship is mutually beneficial. Karen needs me for back up in her schemes. I need Karen to get where I want to get. She gives me information. Information I can collect in to a giant web of evidence, so when the day comes when I turn on her, I'll have the evidence via receipts to back me up. Karen never deletes anything, I am planning on using that to my advantage.

So I was reallllyyyyyy close to using my idol tonight, and I totally would have wasted it if I had. Gavin advised me that I would be okay, and so did Alex and Kendall but like something didn't feel right. I had heard that Ace heard my name from Karen and I was like well shit. She had literally just today come to me and told me that we were all good and that she didn't hold the last game we played together against me. Like there are no hard feelings. but due to everything that was happening I kind of doubted that. But tbh I love Gavin and Alex and really hope we can work together for the next few rounds. Or even longer, who knows. I still am unsure about Karen and Kendall, as I don't really know them that well. But hopefully everything works out.

Oh I also definitely told Gavin I have an idol.... idiot move? We shall see. 

I am so glad we won immunity. It for sure would have been me or Lexi next if we had gone to tribal. It looks like Johnny and Whitney aren't too upset that I didn't vote with them but I can't take my chances. I had been searching for the idol for a while with no luck so I asked Lexi to help me find it. She found it within a few hours lol. We didn't find the idol but we found the idol grid. It's relieving to know it couldn't have been found right away. This gives me and her time to find it. Hopefully we'll get it before anyone else and we'll be set for the rest of the time on this tribe. I doubt anyone else on our tribe has found the idol page or would suspect that we found it. I'm thinking long term so the game plan would be using the idol on lexi and getting rid of Liam. If we happen to go to a tribal council after that we could try to get Whitney or Johnny to flip to our side. Even if they don't want to we can always force a tie so Lexi and I still have a strong chance of succeeding. We just have to find that idol!

This has been a crazy round. I'm glad the immunity challenge was changed to something that required more skill. The tribe worked very well as a team. There's an obvious divide between us so I'm glad we were able to get some time to bond and unite. As for the results, it was upsetting that the returnee heroes made such a big deal out of not getting theirs in on time. The rules clearly stated it was first to 10 pm. I'm sure we would've accepted defeat if we didn't send it faster than them. It was bad sportsmanship on their part. The tiebreaker was so stressful. I stepped up and I was so afraid of letting the team down. I knew if we went to tribal my only ally left, Lexi, would be voted off. There was a lot of pressure on me and I was honestly so anxious. I felt so victorious beating Kendall by 7 minutes. I hope my tribemates remember this next time we go to tribal and don't vote me out. I feel like I've done a lot for our tribe so I think I'm safe for now. I'm really hoping the tribe swap comes within the next two rounds. We can only win so many immunities and Lexi and I are on the bottom so we really need it asap.