#first time in the town was kinda funny second time was genuinely a bit upsetting to the point that i gasped when i heard the dialogue

[chloecherrysip]

"I hope you told your brother how much you loved him, because you're probably never gonna see him again."

"..."

"Was that too dark?"

"YES!"

"Sorry."

[please-buckme]

A Broken Heart.

Lee Bodecker x fem!reader

Chapter 4

Chapter warnings: none.

Chapter summary: You and Lee try and hash things out but there’s more to Lee than meets the eye.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 3 // Chapter 5

The drive started off very awkward and completely quiet. You both cleared your throats from time to time to defuse the tension, which didn’t make a lick of a difference. It’d been years since you rode in Lee’s cruiser and the last time you sat in that very seat he’d broken up with you. Your chest heaved at the memory. You still felt the phantom tears against your cheeks when he drove you to your house. Never would you have guessed you’d be right back here at his beck and call. You thought you were stronger than that, clearly not.

You thought Lee’s hold over you had disintegrated a while after you left town, but clearly it hadn’t. He says jump and you say how high. Your breath hitched in your throat at the thought of it. He looked over at you which made you look over at him. His eyes were still that piercing blue that always left you speechless. His teeth were just as white as you’d remembered as you watched him toss a piece of candy in his mouth and grin.

“What’re you thinkin’ about, girl?”

You swallowed hard, “Heard you ain’t drinkin’ much these days. That why you’re eatin’ t candy now?”

He scoffed, “How did you get from drinkin’ ta candy? I can’t just have candy for no reason or just because I like the sweet taste on my tongue?” He smirked and suck the piece of candy into his right cheek. You watched him toss it around cheek to cheek before he spoke again, “And who told you that, anyway?”

You followed your arms and turned your gaze out the passenger side window, unable to answer him while watching him seductively eat a piece of candy, “I have my sources and I don’t ever remember you keepin’ a whole fuckin’ bag of candies in your car, is’ll.”

“Fuckin’ Karl.” He mumbled under his breath, trying to stay out of ear shout but you still heard him, “I stopped by Sandy’s on my way in and she gave me the candy, happy?” He asks rhetorically with a hint of sarcasm.

“Elated.” You answer him dryly anyway, “Why’re we goin to Ruby’s when there’re plenty of diners in town and are you even allowed to take the cruiser this far outta town, Bodecker?”

He sighs, “Why so many questions? I feel like I’m being interrogated.” He asks, already knowing the answer. When you’re nervous you can’t stop anything that passes your lips. You don’t like awkward silence and you’ll do anything to not have to sit in it. He always found that kind of annoying but aslo adorable at the same time. Eventually you’d start messing with his pens and steal a piece of his candy.

“Because I don’t trust you and I sure as hell don’t believe that bullshit about us ‘talkin things out so we can live in the same town again.’”

“Well, can you believe that maybe I just wanna catch up?” He asks, becoming a little frustrated.

“Why Ruby’s?” You repeated, stealing a piece of candy as Lee predicted. He missed having you around, he just wished it were under different circumstances.

“Because it’s your favorite.”

“Am I supposed to be flattered or something, that you remember my favorite diner?”

“Okay, you win. I officially regret this.” He sighs, slapping his hand down on the steering wheel. He seems annoyed but not angry. You watch his annoyed expression fall on you as he sighs. For some unknown reason you burst out laughing, leaning against the passenger door.

He laughs, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing it’s just.. you’ve changed so much and yet not at all. I still know every look and every sigh and.. every move you’re gonna make before you even do it. It’s kinda refreshing.. but I still hate you.” You watch his face turn up into a smirk, displaying his gorgeous teeth. He almost looked pained as if he hadn’t smiled in decades.

“God, I missed you.” He admitted, immediately clearing his throat. He didn’t mean to say it aloud but it clearly wasn’t up to him anymore, his heart was speaking for him too. He watched you fiddle with the candy wrapper as you processed what he said.

You could feel his hesitance. Did he really miss you or was it just him trying to make you feel comfortable? You didn’t know how to respond, so all you said was, “Okay.”

//

Once you got to the diner, Lee rushed you to the back booth. You knew why, of course. Everyone in town seemed to be appalled with your very existence, as if you’d done something. You wondered if they actually knew why they didn’t particularly like you or if they were just following the crowd. Like if one person were to speak on your behalf and say you’re a nice girl if people would treat you differently. You just have to find that one person.

Lee sat across from you in the sparkly red, plush booth, you thought he looked kind of silly, big, professional man in a tiny glittery booth, but you kept that to yourself. The waitress came by and gave you both a menu, taking your drink orders before walking away. You scanned over the many different food items, suddenly remembering you hadn’t had anything to eat all day. It was eight in the morning and all you could think about was the pancakes.

You eyed the pancake special, becoming a bit more giddy than expected and Lee noticed.

“What’re you so happy for?” He asked with a goofy smile of his own.

“Nothing, I just haven’t had breakfast and the thought of pancakes excites me, is’ll.”

Lee chuckled, “You can get whatever you want, doll. It’s on me.”

“Damn right it’s on you. This was your idea.” You remind him just before the waitress comes by with your drinks; two waters and a coffee.

“What’re we havin’?” She asks.

“Just coffee for me and pancakes for this one.” He says with a tilt of his head towards you.

“S’at all?” She asks, both of you nod. She takes your menus and walks away again.

“So, what did you wanna talk about, Bodecker?” You ask, taking a sip of your water.

“First of all, you’re killin’ me with this ‘Bodecker’ and ‘Sheriff’ shit just say my goddamn name.”

“Hmm, remind me what it was again?” You pretend to think, tapping your index finger against your chin.

“Lee!” He’s genuinely annoyed now.

“That’s right. Um, no. I think ‘Bodecker’ and ‘Sheriff’ work just fine, more professional, if you will.” You begin to fidget with the straw in your water, twirling it around in the ice. You didn’t like how this conversation started, you felt suddenly pressured to do something you didn’t wanna do and that made you nervous.

“Why are you bein’ like this?” He asked with a confused expression on his face.

“You wanna know why?” You came on a little stronger than expected as you felt your cheeks heat up. For being the one to cause your awkward situation, you didn’t think Lee would need an explanation. You were a little applaud he’d even ask for one, especially knowing what a touchy subject it is for you.

“Well, if you’re gonna get all pissy, then no.” He put his hands out in protest, giving you a bewildered look, wouldn’t wanna upset the Sheriff, now would we..?

You sighed, “I’m sorry, it’s just- I haven’t said your name once since.. the last time we..” you trailed off.

“’The last time we’ what? What do you mean?”

“Can we just drop it? I wanna talk about how we’re gonna deal with me living in town. You gotta get people to stop ignorin’ me or actin’ like I’m some exotic animal they ain’t never seen before.”

He chuckled, “what do you mean? How they act like you’re ’some exotic animal’?”

“They stare at me in awe, mouths wide open, along with their eyes. You’d think I’m famous or somethin’.”

“Well, I guess in Knockemstiff, you might just be famous.” He grinned.

“Thanks for that. Just put on my tombstone ‘here lies the girl who got dumped by the Sheriff’... that’s my legacy.” You fade off, thinking of how tragic that actually sounded. You suddenly felt a burning in your chest. Your anger was building and you knew just who to let it out on.

“No, that’s not your lega-“

“Why me, huh?” You ask before letting him finish. “Outta all the girls to torment, why me?”

“Because I loved you.” He said with glossy eyes as if he’d wanted to say that to you in particular for so long.

“You sure as shit coulda fooled me. I’ve wasted a lot of time on you, Bodecker. I mean when we dated and after we broke up. I was a mess and the only person to make it better was you and.. and you never showed up.”

“You don’t think I wanted to?” He asked, losing his temp on you.

“No, I don’t, not because you loved me, anyway. If anything you only would’ve showed up as a way to forgive yourself.”

He scoffed, “How could you possibly think that?”

“Because.. you gave up on caring about me and my feeling the second you chose her. The second you agreed to be with her, behind my back, and dump me, is the second you lost the privilege of being my person.”

“If I could go back in time and undo what I did, I would. I’m sorry, y/n. I really am.”

“For what? For what you did or for how it turned out?”

He sighed, “Both.”

“I know you’re miserable and I know you don’t love her. So, did you really give up on us because you were power hungry? Being Sheriff meant more to you than our future together?” Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to fall.

“Yes, but I regretted it the second I saw the first tear you cried that day. I wanted nothin’ more than to take it back, say I was jokin’ or somethin’ but I couldn’t. The look you gave me in that moment.. I knew I’d already lost you. And yes, I think about where we’d be if I didn’t completely ruin us.” He faded off as he told you the daydreams that never leave his mind, “I picture us renovating your momma’s house, puttin’ up a white picket fence, havin’ a couple babies on your hips, my babies. Everyday I imagine it’s you I drive home to, not Laura-Jean. Sometimes I just picture you sittin’ on the porch with me on a hot day drinkin’ your momma’s famous sweet tea. And if I close my eyes I can see you laughin’ and with sun shinin’ right down on you, kissin’ your beautiful skin.”

You look around awkwardly, trying so hard not to make eye contact. If you make eye contact you’re done for, he might as well take you out of the diner that second because you’re good as fucked. You wanted to believe every word Lee said, you wanted to chop them up and eat them with your pancakes, but you can’t. He did you so wrong in the past that you just don’t think you’ll ever believe him or trust him in the future.

Lee looked at you pained but you couldn’t see it.Your eyes counted the speckled dots on the table in front of you, desperate not to look up, until. “Y/n, look at me.” And you did. Why did you look up? “You loved me in a way no one ever had and I fucked it up. I’m truly, deeply sorry for that, y/n. Whether I’m sayin’ it more for me or you, I don’t know but just know that I live with this mistake everyday of my miserable life. But, hey, at least I’m the Sheriff right?” He joke, giving you a sad smirk.

The sadness in his blue eyes made you want to crumble, get up from your seat and wrap him in your arms, but you don’t. All you can think about is how he reacted when you wore the same except look.

“Yeah, at least you got what you wanted, besides the picket fence and two healthy boys to call your own, and me. Happily married and sun kissed” You brushed it off as if his daydreams of you being married with children meant nothing to you, when really your entire body was buzzing. “And, just so you know, I’m way past needing to hear your apology. Right now I wanna eat my pancakes and work this shit out. Being gawked at like an exotic animal has gotten old. I’d like to be invisible again.”

He gave you a weak smile, “Okay.”

“Alright, here’s your pancakes and syrup. Can I get you anything else?” The waitress asked after handing you the warm plate of pancakes.

“You chocolate milkshake for the road, Doll.” He smiled up at, making you miss the loving smile he used to give you.

“Comin right up, enjoy.”

You talked, well, Lee talked while you ate and came up with a plan. Anytime he heard someone in town gossiping or spreading rumors he would interfere and steer the conversation in another direction. He said he couldn’t exactly defend you because it would look bad, especially during the campaign season and word would get back to Laura-Jean.

“Has she asked you not to talk to me yet?” You asked, stuffing your face with the last bite of pancakes.

“How’d you know?” He wondered.

“I was her best friend for 15 years, I know how she is.”

“You know about her crush on me when we was datin’?”

“Nope.”

“I can’t believe you never saw it. I knew she liked me before I knew you liked me.” He admitted.

You felt a blush creep across your cheeks, “Why not date her then? Woulda saved us a lot of heartache, don’t ya think?” You grinned but felt the pit in your stomach expand, again.

“Girl, I knew I loved you the second you said my name. That’s why I wanna hear you say it so badly. It sounds so sweet comin’ from your lips.”

You cleared your throat, desperately trying not to fall for his games, “Well, I don’t know what to tell you. Sayin’ your name is like a sin to me.”

“You never minded sinnin’ a little when you were with me, what changed?”

“Check please!” You motioned for the waitress. “I’m not feeding into this, Bodecker. I’ve played your mind games and I lost. You just worry about gettin’ everyone off my back and Laura-Jean won’t ever hear of us speakin’ or seein’ each other again, because we won’t be doin’ either.”

“You’re no fun.” He frowned.

“I used to be and look where it got me; Heartbroken and alone.” The waitress brought the check and the chocolate milkshake to go, “I’ll be in the car.” You said before standing from the booth and leaving the Diner.

The car was locked when you got there, so you stood and waited, twirling the straw around in the shake. You could help but think about Lee. How could he be so nonchalant about your past relationship?

Yours and Lee’s relationship meant everything to you. He was your first serious boyfriend and the love of your life. You felt like that meant nothing to him. Like you were some chick he had on the side for those 3 years y’all dated.

You sighed, taking a sip of your milkshake. Even with how angry he makes you, your mind slips away to the daydreams he has about you. He pictured y’all being married, which was no surprise to you because you guys talked about getting married all the time when you dated.

You closed your eyes, picturing it all. Two rowdy, little boys playing in the front yard, Lee sitting next to you on the porch swing with his arm wrapped around your waist. You could hear his boyish life ringing in your ears.

You were so lost in the daydream you hadn’t heard Lee walk up. You didn’t even know he was near you until you smelled his familiar musk and felt his hand touch your waist. Now you knew he was close, but before you could even think to open your eyes, Lee gently pressed his lips to yours in a quick peck, resting his forehead against yours when he pulled away. You hadn’t reacted the way you thought. You thought you’d recoil, spit in his face or throw your milkshake in his face. Instead, you felt the milkshake slip from your fingers, falling to the dusty ground as you grabbed his face, bringing him in for another kiss.

This kiss was deeper. You both felt every emotion you’d had bottled up for so long. Every tear that you shed and every crack in your heart was being mended just by the feel of his lips. You missed the feel of his freshly shaved, aftershave covered skin against your hands, the feel of his lips and how ridiculously plump and pink they were, or the little grunts he makes when you scratch at the nape of his neck.

You felt his protruding belly press against yours, pinning you up against the cruiser. The kiss became deeper once his tongue entered your mouth, causing you both to moan at the familiar tastes you both shared.

“T-take me home.” You pant against his lips.

“I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go.”

Dividers by: @firefly-graphics

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Dm to be tagged :)

[neko-rogers]

hey!! I’m not sure if your inbox is still open but I thought I’d send this just in case! what would you think abt a dark!peter who’s obsessed w s/o and offers to have her stay with him during like the stay-at-home pet of covid so she’s not alone then when it’s lifted he’s like lol you’re not leaving. sorry that’s kinda long and super specific. i absolutely love your writing though!!💗

Jamie All Over

words: 2,040 (no, i should be sorry bc this was chaotic)

tags: didn’t expect it to be this LONG, manipulative!peter parker, grooming, overprotectiveness, slight mentions of sex, don’t expect too much lmao its a headcanon

a/n: hi babe! i wasn’t entirely sure if you wanted this as a one shot (but if u do let me know!)

so you’re pretty unaware of every move peter is trying to do with you, you know? you were not really sure if it was a kind gesture, as the gentleman he seemed to be, or was it just a special treatment

ever since second year and until now as both of you were on your fourth year, he was consistent with his efforts

these moves were moments like when he would carry your books to your next class or confidently invite you to a study ‘date’ at the library after – often times he tells that his friends were invited, but would never show up later on

sometimes he would bring you lunch. you tried to turn it down kindly, but he insists that it was purposely packed as an extra for when he stays late around the university.

it was a lie though. anyone could tell by the way it was prepared looking very appetizing and tasted just as amazing at it was presented. 

and as peter had mentioned that he lived alone, you also assumed he was the one to make his meals. you were so sure he doesn’t pack for an extra and intentionally wants to impress you with his skills.

“hey, y/n!,” he calls, “look this eggroll has a cute design!”

he honestly was an epitome of a walking sunshine. his smile seemed so pure and you never felt any ill-intent for every gesture he had done for you

his friends seemed very welcoming the moment he introduced you to his group

you got along with ned who seemed to be just as joyful and funny as peter. meanwhile mj was a bit more of a tough cookie, nevertheless you both eventually got a long better than you expected

however, it came to one point wherein your own group of friends started being disheartened with your lack of communication

“you’ve been spending more time with that parker boy, huh?” “yeah, kinda?” “are you two like... dating?” “oh no! no... no... nooo!”

the moment they frowned at you was then that you realized and felt a little more guilty. you always remembered that friends were supposed to be friends despite the lack of time and effort, right?

somehow you tried to compensate for the lack of time with your friends. but every minute you spend felt more awkward than before

they weren’t sharing the same vibe with you and you were starting to question if it had been always like it – were you only adjusting to them?

you reached out for peter, considering that he became one of the closest and trusted people around the university. plus, he seemed to have genuinely great friends

“do you feel happy when you’re spending time with them?”

“well i used to but recently–”

“then you should stop being friends with them.”

you were upset for a second. the way he instantly told you that cutting ties with them would be the (only) option

he sounded serious on the other end of the line and you were just speechless for a moment. the dead air between lines was evident, but you didn’t know what to say

“sorry,” peter makes up, “i didn’t mean to sound too serious. i just don’t like people who are rude, especially to you.”

“oh, it’s fine. i totally get it.” you felt a batch of butterflies around your stomach. someone actually cared for you!!!

the moment you didn’t hesitate on losing your friendship with your past friends and moved on with joining peter’s group, things felt lighter.

somehow you felt more expressive than you realized. they were open to your ideas and thoughts, just as you were with them. you felt super comfortable and realized that you weren’t holding back on anything anymore

that’s why you had expected your winter break to be better than your past ones

everyone agreed to skate around the ice rink in rockefeller for christmas. along with it, also spending new year’s eve at the time square

news flash: you finally had the cliche new year’s eve kiss, with none other than peter parker!!! hooray!!!

for anyone who had common sense, your feelings for peter had accentuated. you weren’t denying it either, and the boy wasn’t oblivious to it too

he was just so irresistible and kind to you, like, all the time – to surreal, honestly

you felt and KNEW you were spoiled with peter (and his friends, who liked to spend time with you outside too, just not as much as him)

just as you were planning your spring break activities, it had to be postponed for another time

a lockdown had to be implemented around the country as it was under the state of a pandemic

mj and ned told the group that they’ll be with their families since lectures had to be concluded for the mean time

you planned to do the same, but you expected that this situation wouldn’t last long. so you chose to stay in your dorm rather than return to your hometown

completely sucks since you not only don’t get to hang out with your friends, but you weren’t able to see anyone in person...

until you got a text from peter

he was literally inviting you over his apartment since he explained that he wasn’t returning home either

you practically rushed to pack a small amount of clothes for a sleepover whilst not forgetting to wear a mask (bc it’s fucking important ok)

you arrived at his address and a big warm hug ensues 

his unit was so tidy and you were convinced he did it to impress you

peter was so happy to see you, acknowledging that you’re also spending a few nights with him

the nights mostly consisted of eating snacks and binge watching movies

however during one of those nights, both of you got a bonus – making out on his couch and further, completely forgetting the television

making out with peter wasn’t awkward at all. most of the time he was the one in control, which you didn’t mind

his hands treated you so gently but the way he teased you made you crave for more than what he was offering

a lot of whining, swearing, and begging – you weren’t aware but he was enjoying it a lot

on his side, he did praise you from time to time, but most of it consisted of raw tension and actions. the room was full of grunts and short breaths 

just want to include how sexy peter would be while he moans all over you. like his whole sunshine personality just drained away the moment he places his hands on either sides of your waist

the next day you felt like a princess even though you know it shouldn’t be???

apparently peter prepared breakfast for you and you felt embarrassed walking around his place only in the shirt you wore yesterday and underwear

just when you thought the extra lunch he packs for you was already amazing, the breakfast he prepared whilst being fresh and hot was just incredible

“you really like it?”

“of course! you really have to teach me to cook sometimes”

peter laughs and jokes, “yeah, don’t worry. i feel like we’ve got a lot of time ahead.”

ok fast forward to a few more days when you were beginning to feel like a freeloader. he lets you borrow a few of his clothes as yours were in the laundry

by the time you wanted to stop by your place, peter started to be more... clingy

at first he didn’t want you to go but after a few more debates, he felt defeated and instead insisted on going with you

eventually you caved and let him. it wasn’t that bad either, he talked to you about a lot of things on the way leaving you entertained the whole walk without realizing how far it had been

he helped you ‘pack’ more stuff so you wouldn’t be going back and forth from his place and yours. you felt like you were going out of town for a month with the amount of clothes and products

both of you returned to his place around late afternoon. you felt pretty tired and didn’t hesitate to pass out on the living room couch

when you woke up you sensed that you were in peter’s bedroom, meaning he carried and tucked you during the night

plus! an arm was wrapped around your midriff and you could feel peter’s breathing against your side

you closed your eyes and appreciated the moment. it was cute and made butterflies flutter around your stomach, and you tried not to move much to not wake him up

anyways apparently the pandemic lasted longer, and more serious, than expected (fuck the government and their incompetency) 

you spent more time with peter and was thankful that you didn’t spend this quarantine alone

within a blink of an eye, a month and a half already had passed. you couldn’t deny that most, or all, days have been unproductive

eat, cook, watch tv, cuddle, fuck, repeatedly get spoiled??? yeah sounds like the dream

weird though because you haven’t completely brought up to peter if you’re actually in a relationship with him. oh no were you just friends with (a lot) of benefits??

but you also felt like it wasn’t the time to bring it up. neither of you were saying anything so it was best to let it be for the fear that things might go downhill from there

anyways this continued for more weeks, especially since the ‘stay-at-home’ policy was deemed necessary

you started to help him do errands around the apartment just to feel like you weren’t an actual freeloader – but it wasn’t a surprise when he kept insisting that you should relax

more cute moments

more sexy times

and more cuddles during night (peter’s grip became tighter every night, but you shrugged it off assuming that it was just you getting homesick and overthinking)

ok but when you brought up being homesick and mentioned that you planned peter wasn’t entirely happy about it

the way he acted wasn’t just clingy. he insisted that he’d be the one to go and that you were staying

“ok but i’m not a dog, peter?” “i know, honey, but it’s too dangerous outside. i wouldn’t want you to be at risk.” “i wear a mask?? i follow health protocols?? i’ll be fine??” “you don’t understand–”

oh god he was becoming controlling

you tried not to argue anymore, rather ignoring and pushing past him to proceed to the door

and peter instinctively wrapped an arm around your waist and prevented you from walking further

there was a lot of struggling, but you didn’t know he was this strong. literally what the hell.

you tried to scream too but he pretty much threatened you to your core

“let’s talk this out,” he grunts as he secures his grip around you

“the hell? let me go!”

things got more complicated. he did convince you to talk with him (by means of tying your arms and legs to incapacitate you from running and righting)

it was a nightmare. he was really soft and sweet with you, even getting teary eyed after stating, “i only want what’s best for you... for us”

however you could sense the manipulativeness through it despite being making everything else look convincing

“trust me, sweetie, i wouldn’t want to hurt you. it would crush me” “please don’t cry. i’m only protecting you” “people are disgusting, they don’t deserve an angel like you” “don’t worry, i can protect you”

it terrified you to your nerves, sending shivers across your spine

at first you didn’t realize it, but eventually after days of being trapped, you figured he had been grooming you the whole time

he tried to make you dependent of him and somehow he did a fine job. just not enough to completely exploit you

though, it made you question what would have been better in your situation: being conscious of his sly nature with the hope of escaping or being unaware and completely wrapped around his finger whereas letting him continue how greatly he had been caring for you?

[literaphobe]

season four of she-ra rated by catradora content

the coronation: okay so... rightfully. there’s nothing i should be appraising here. adora and catra didn’t interact or bring each other up at all. but bro... catra’s new outfit... the best character of season four. i’m kidding but also she is so hot. catra seems to be dealing w the portal incident by framing it as a victory, since the rebellion was hurt by it. but also who cares. who fucking cares man. her arc this episode was about her deciding to make hordak her little bitch and design a new sexy outfit. that adora did NOT talk about nor seem visually affected by >:( yes, this entire season will be measured by how much i think it was a missed opportunity that adora did not get to thirst. jk but also am i? 500000000/10 for catra’s new look, 0/10 for official catradora stuff

the valley of the lost: god...... this episode. i know it’s like one of the few catradora moments we have this season already but it makes me LIVID that adora said that flirty ass line and catra never even got to hear it. anyway, let’s begin properly. double trouble seeks catra out and says they’re gonna be her new best friend. catra says “oh, yeah? i’m done with best friends”, making it official that she and adora broke up 😔 like friend broke up oh my god 😔 KFKSKDKD like we been knew but i think it is so dramatic and funny of catra to announce that she’s never having a best friend again because adora broke her heart 😔💔 i mean i know it’s also like sad but let’s keep it light ok uwu anyway. sigh. double trouble! auditions for catra! by pretending to be her in battle! which is great for them, but not for me and my hang ups about adora bringing back a flirty line catra said to her in season one and winking and then catra doesn’t hear or see ANY of it. sigh. let’s go through the scene. adora sees who she thinks is catra run in and say “hey! careful with the goods”, pouncing on adora and taking her down. adora tosses dt!catra into the walkway above and they get a cut on their face. not sure whether this is meant to signify adora pulling less of her punches around catra or double trouble just not being as agile as catra is in combat. it’s probably the latter because when you think about it, throwing catra away is much more of a defensive tactic than an offensive one. anyway! double trouble still does a more or less good job fighting adora as catra. huntara calls adora over and is like hi adora! could you stop fighting ur gf for one fucking second? we need you to do literally anything else. and adora (who has NO IDEA she’s not fighting her ACTUAL gf) is like :( wait no what really?? ok :( one sec tho lemme pull off this super cool sexy farewell thing before i stop fighting catra i’ve been practicing it for years u kno kinda been working up to doing this bit. and then she. grabs dt!catra after stopping them from running away, and grabs this trap thingy to trap them against the side of this wall. “i got something more important to do :) it was fun distracting you though ;)” and she actually WINKS and she looks SO PROUD of her damn self but it means pretty much NOTHING because that’s not ACTUALLY catra :( wtf :( the worst thing about this whole situation is that adora clearly wanted to do her whole super strong super powered thing and then go BACK to catra and like.... gloat or something.... flirt some more.... kiss her.... i don’t know. but dt!catra is gone because they’re good at getting out of tight spots, and adora is like “how did she get out of that? :( i wanted to see more of her tf....” anyway double trouble, scorpia, and catra are escaping in a skiff after this. catra thinks double trouble did marvelously. “i grew up with adora, and you fooled her” well catra. i’m very sorry. but if i were adora seeing you in that new look for the first time, i wouldn’t be checking to see if u were ooc. i would be.... hm idk.... flirting with you as hard as possible? like i know i complained that we never got a proper reaction from adora re catra’s new outfit, but i think we could interpret this scene as a lapse in adora’s morals <3 like she gave catra such a hard stare the last time they saw each other, and the next time they saw each other (after this) adora glared at her too, but somehow this time she’s all 👅👅👅👅👅it was fun distracting you ;) ;) ;) like ok. slow down there horn dog. “if you can do that, we can do anything. this is gonna be fun...” catra :( perhaps you would have more fun :( if you suggestively fought with adora :( yourself? :( 8/10

flutterina: catra’s having bad dreams :( her mistakes and past actions are haunting her and the guilt is messing her up so bad :( so what am i choosing to focus on? the fact that adora was in her dream :) dream!adora looks Angry and dream!catra is scared and backing away :( a quick callback to when adora gave catra an angry Look when she destroyed the portal, and catra looked scared for a second before her face hardened back to something equally pissed off looking. so this dream obviously tells us that the thought of adora genuinely just hating and being pissed off at catra... hurts and scares her. because we all know that she loves adora and just wants adora to love her back! but.... ya lmao. dream!adora asks “why did you do it?!” reminiscent of what she said last season, but angrier this time. and we all know that catra doesn’t really know why. sometimes things torture you so bad and you do stuff that you can’t come up with sound or logical reasons for. u would rather keep running or keep deflecting, and so catra deflects dream!adora’s questions by waking up. i wonder if catra dreams about adora more than what we’re shown in this scene. i also REALLY wanna know if adora dreams of catra. i want more :( why this season gotta be the fucking break up season bro :( like i KNOW they’re thinking of each other. gimme the content :( for now, let’s skip ahead to💔 their only real interaction this season💔 holy fuck. stay strong u guys. stay strong me. i think it’s very offensive of she-ra to not give me a catradora heavy season every season? like yeah this season is good but god at what cost? they should’ve known i was going to do an evaluation? :/ that i was gonna rate each ep out of ten according to how much catradora content there was? :/ the fuck bros. ,,,,anyway, let’s get to the actual scene. catra’s walking around w an ipad and scorpia is talking to her. catra looks like. v serious and :| and >:/ BUT when scorpia asks about she-ra catra becomes >:) and >:D “she-ra was in elberon, which means she’s nearby.” “do you think she’ll try some secret attack? :0” “;D oh i’m counting on it ;)” fucking god catra can you just flirt normally??? like be horny in a normal way??????? u can just ask adora out on a date. have u tried that? i know she blocked u for nearly destroying the world but adora’s a hoe ❤️ she would’ve said yes ❤️ u don’t need to kidnap a town as an excuse to see her ❤️ yes i know she did it to plant flutterina!DT into the rebellion as a spy but shhhhh ❤️ we finally get to the most GORGEOUS “hey adora”,,, ever because it’s the only hey adora of this season 💔 i looked back and we did not get a ‘hey adora’ last ep. honestly, adora should’ve figured it wasn’t catra JUST from the lack of greeting. catra is fucking POLITE ok :( anyway. it’s so homophobic that we only got ONE “hey adora” in THAT LOOK but..... it’s okay. because it’s such a good one. catra’s hand is propping her face up and she just looks so pretty.... the way she SAYS the hey adora too like bros... how we holding up? bad? she’s posing and lounging so prettily... “took you long enough to show up” HHHHH why does she sound like a gf who’s a little :/ that her gf showed up late for their date.... bro....... must she SMILE that prettily..... also adora’s reaction... she goes :0 and her EYES get this like ‘oh wow’ look for a Moment right before she remembers she’s supposed to be mad when she sees catra then she’s like >:( CATRA >:( and like. let’s dissect that look for a moment? it’s almost like AWE but why??? why would she be at all surprised to see catra??? catra is IN the horde like. she got happy for a moment until she remembered she’s meant to be mad. good bye <3 i will now be passing away <3 “seriously. i thought i’d have to kidnap another town to get your attention” TO GET. YOUR ATTENTION. HHHHH HELP THEY’RE GAY...... BRO WHY.............. THE GAYNESS UNMATCHED..... anyway catra continues like OH RIGHT u were at a PARTY feeling SPECIAL and adora.... oof oh fuck she COLD she was like skip the SPEECH i’m done playing your GAMES and she like reminds catra of the portal and they just... oof this really IS the breakup season it’s so brutal bros :( can’t they just kiss :( like nooooo don’t stare at each other angrily you’re so sexy aha OK BUT... at the end after catra runs away and adora’s getting hugged by flutterina and everyone’s cheering for her... she lets her ‘catra BAD’ and ‘yay haha rebellion for the win! :)’ facade drop for a moment... and she gets this really sad look on her face that makes u think.... and the next scene we see catra sitting on the ledge of where she and adora used to sit together? and she looks real upset too???? they hate being enemies. 9/10

pulse: in this ep adora fucking SHUSHED spinnerella and netossa while they were bickering and like... ok wow. rude :/ adora straight up was like ok HAHA WOW we GET IT ur HAPPY y’all have WIVES and iiiiiii don’t HAVE a GIRLFRIEND because my crush is EVIL :( on the other hand, we find out that catra is meeting up regularly with double trouble to get intel. it’s very funny because she’s like yeah yeah WHATEVER what can u tell me about SHE-RA >:( like girl? u are not subtle ❤️ catra literally met double trouble and said let’s be friends with benefits ❤️ the benefits? you spy on adora and tell me everything about what she does ❤️ was she pretty today ❤️ haha jk she’s pretty everyday ❤️ here’s some bitcoin for your troubles ❤️ AND THEN the next time double trouble facetimes catra they transform into bow and glimmer to roast them and catra is at most unamused and annoyed but BUT when double trouble pretends to be she-ra catra’s like HAHAHAHDJSJDJSJD OMG,,,, INSPIRED FAM,,,, SO FUNNY TOP PEAK COMEDY,,,, ABSOLUTE LEGEND,,,,,, SHOW ME SHE-RA AGAIN,,,,, u know that thing where you find people who you’re attracted to way funnier than they actually are? ya :-) apparently catra doesn’t even need the Actual she-ra/adora to lose her shit. she just needs to see a physical representation of her and it’s suddenly Peak Comedy. someone once pointed out that this moment was the last time catra was happy all season and... can we take a fucking second to cry about that. haha 💔 anyway double trouble is happy that they finally cracked the code to making catra go from ARGH >:( to HAHAHAHAHAH :D so they give her she-ra intel as a treat ❤️ “she-ra’s going back out to destroy the bot that hurt her friend” “ugh 🙄 typical heroic adora plan” shut up bitch u dream of her lips on yours!!!!!! 7/10

protocol: no rights for white boys ❤️ 0/10

princess scorpia: well, nothing! but since i’m scouring i might as well say the line where catra says “you don’t need a princess in your life telling you what to do!” to hordak she’s actually talking about her and adora haha i mean duh :-) anyway since i’m here can i talk about how hot catra is again this season. i’m madly in love did y’all see her from behind? even her back view is beautiful i am going to combust <3 2/10

mer-mysteries: what a great episode! 0/10

boys’ night out: catra gets banned from doing war crimes because hordak wants to do the war crimes all by himself and this is a real bummer because there’s an even SMALLER chance she’ll bump into adora now :( jk ik she was avoiding her this season because the guilt was eating her alive haha :-) also glimmer and adora fought and we all know that ‘but the rebellion’s in a worse place than ever since you showed up’ is like a very :( line but when u think about it it’s true because adora joining the rebellion pissed catra off so much she became an antagonistic force driving most of the conflict in the series up to this point in the story JFJDDJDJDJ like imagine if they brought catra up in this convo ‘i’m doing my BEST glimmer :(‘ ‘ok but what can we do about your terrible taste in evil women????? was ur catgirl gf ex really worth it????? did she hit that different???? did the catgirl ***** slap that hard????’ 1.5/10

hero: man mara is so hot! 0/10

fractures: scorpia said catra’s name in front of adora... ‘shadow weaver! and at bright moon! everything is making so much sense about why catra’s been acting the way she has’ and adora’s reaction is so interesting.... she goes from this ‘catra....’ look to this ‘catra >:(‘ look and like it’s interesting to see catra’s psyche explained to adora like this and it’s clearly something that makes adora feel bad but then she remembers the bad stuff catra did and forces herself to focus on that. 5/10 for that alone lmao

beast island: bow being very upset and annoyed and disappointed in glimmer is a fun little parallel to how adora has felt about catra’s descent into the darkness. you feel doubly upset and doubly betrayed when someone you’re in love with goes against what you stand for, and the goodness you know they’re capable of but aren’t showing. 1/10

destiny part 1: ‘i’ll be happy when the rebellion and she-ra are gone for good!!!’ are u sure about that catra :/ 1/10

destiny part 2: catra gets into a huge fight with some dude and right after she sort of collects herself after barely beating him she hears “hey, catra” and she completely freezes up. she’s been so proactive with avoiding adora all season... and the moment in 4x03 nearly doesn’t count because she was acting specifically to get double trouble snuck into the rebellion. aside from a necessary interaction in which she was far away and removed from adora anyway.... where she was far enough away to smile and laugh and manipulate the situation.... she hasn’t wanted to see adora at all, clearly. and having this happen now, right after one of her worst fights, right after she thought she was going to win... “no. you can’t do this. you can’t come in and take this from me now.” “woah, i knew this would get a rise out of you, but still, you really are obsessed, aren’t you, kitten?” and catra’s standing there like 👁👄👁 until double trouble reveals themself and says stuff that :( hurts :( i am not going to repeat until i get to anything catradora relevant because i don’t wanna be bummed out ok hoes 😔 anyway double trouble becomes adora again and is like “didn’t need you... left you” and puts catra’s hand on adora’s cheek...... and then shoves catra???? rude :( 7/10

[teamhook]

FFN

AO3

Hello all! This story was written for the lovely amazing @searchingwardrobes today is her birthday. Happy Birthday!! woohoo I had to do this because she has gifted a lot of us with an amazing birthday story. Love you sweetheart!!

Story beta-ed by @ultraluckycatnd

Killian walks inside Granny's and goes straight to the counter. He sits down and orders coffee, black no sugar, his attention turning to the door. He has no idea who he is looking for. The older woman hands the coffee cup to him. "Ma'am, I was wondering if you could be of assistance. I'm looking for Emma."

The older woman narrows her eyes. "Emma Nolan?"

Killian smiles. "Is that her surname?"

"What do you want with Emma?" Granny crosses her arms.

Killian scoffs defensively. "Nothing nefarious, I just want to clear up a misunderstanding."

The woman, Granny, nods and walks away to the back.

Killian purses his lips at the lack of answer and takes a drink of his coffee. He starts looking around the diner. He wonders if his mum sat on the same chair he is currently occupying. He chuckles to himself.

"What's so funny, man?" A voice to his right startles him.

Killian turns his attention to the voice and tilts his head. "Hello, mate. Killian Jones, at your service." He extends his hand.

The younger man extends his hand hesitantly. "Nice to meet you, man. Leo Nolan."

Killian smiles. "Leo Nolan, any relation to Emma Nolan?"

"What kind of trouble has my sister gotten into this time?" Leo asks and mutters under his breath, "Not that I'd mind after meeting you."

"No trouble, just a bit of misunderstanding. To be honest it's not a big deal. My brother has no sense of humor. That's the real problem," Killian insists.

"That doesn't answer the question."

"Alright, she sent a compromising letter. At least in my brother's opinion. A letter without an addressed name attached that my brother immediately assumed belonged to me. So here I am to put an "end" to it."

Leo looks down. "I'm sorry, I'm sure she didn't mean to cause any trouble."

Killian sighs. "In a way I'm thankful. See, my mother was from here but we never got to see her beginnings. It's a bit of a treat to know that my mother walked the same corridors at Our Lady of the Lake College."

Leo mutters something about a Legacy. "My mother went to the same place as does my troublemaker sister."

"To be honest, I'm here more out of curiosity. I was tempted to spend the week in New York and then fly back home and tell my brother the issue was resolved but I remembered Mum was from here so here I am. Trying to get to know my mother better and find your elusive sister. I was told she would be here."

"She was here; she left right before you got here," Leo says, shrugging.

"Ah, could you perhaps arrange a meeting? Inform her she's not in trouble?" Killian asks with a twinkle in his eye.

"I shall talk to her. Are you staying here?"

"Aye, I am."

"If my sister can get over her embarrassment when I tell her why you are here and wants to meet you, I'll leave a message for you with Granny."

"I accept, lad. It was nice meeting you. I'm still a little jet-lagged, so if you'll excuse me. Goodnight," Killian says as he turned to go inside the Inn.

A stern voice makes Leo jump. "What are you playing at Emma?"

Emma winced.

Killian walks inside his room and snorts a laugh. His instincts tell him that he needs to see this through. Whatever it was that brought him to town was important and he knows that it will change his life. He still didn't know if it was about his mother or something else. What he did know was that the lad was a part of it.

Granny had that look on her face. The one they all feared.

Emma sighs. "Granny, it's nothing bad. I was just trying to figure out if he was here to cause trouble or not."

"Emma, the only trouble maker I see is you. Do you mind enlightening me about why you told him you were Leo Nolan, your brother? If memory serves me, there are only three Nolan children: James, David, and you. There's no Leo. Think carefully about what you're about to say to me."

"Granny, okay." Emma taps the top of the counter. "Some days back, I might have sent a letter with my name and it seems his older brother has no sense of humor. And you know that because you heard it with your wolf-like hearing." She shrugs. "It was a mistake and well, he flew out here and Granny, he is kinda hot and I didn't think I just reacted. I mean, we wanted to make sure my dressing like a guy would work for the production at school. It just happened. The words didn't want to come out of me. Hey sorry about causing you so much trouble with that letter. I was daydreaming and by the way, you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen."

Granny smirks. "Isn't this interesting. Emma Nolan speechless around a handsome man."

Emma rolls her eyes. "Don't worry, I will come clean. Eventually."

"Well, you don't have that much time. He only booked the room for a week." Granny grabs some dirty dishes and walks into the kitchen.

Emma sighs. She should go upstairs and confess. It was a mistake and he was nice enough. Okay, she will apologize to him, but as herself, not as her brother.

Killian stands at his room's window looking out at the view. He likes the town. His phone rings until it goes to voicemail. He doesn't feel like reporting to Liam just yet. What was he going to say, sorry brother but the lovely Emma has eluded me so far? The phone begins to ring again. Killian rolls his eyes. It appears Liam will not be giving up until he talks to him. Killian looks at his phone's screen. Bloody hell. It was Milah. He winces and just answers. "Milah, love-" Before he could continue, he was interrupted.

"Killian, what the hell are you doing in Maine? You're supposed to be here helping me plan the wedding and you didn't even tell me you were leaving the country!" Milah complains.

"Love, it was a sudden trip." Killian tries to calm her.

Milah stays quiet. "Killian, you said that you would take me with you on your next trip."

"Milah, darling. This trip is partly business but it is also to the town my mother was from. I didn't think you would like to accompany me to a small town in America." Killian tries to appease her. She could be volatile if she didn't like the answer.

She sighs. "When are you coming back?"

He can hear the pout in her voice. "I shall return in a week or so."

They end their call with a half-hearted 'I love you'.

Emma goes home and changes from her Leo persona's clothes. She really tries not to think too much about the reason why she put on her favorite dark jeans, the ones that made her butt look great, a thin red sweater that made her feel sexy, and black knee-high boots.

Emma walks into the Inn and squares her shoulders. She walks to the check-in desk and walks around to get the guy's room number. She finds the ledger and looks for the name he gave Leo. Killian Jones. Room 204. She smiles; it's the one with a view. She looks at the reception phone and opts to just go upstairs to get it over with. She didn't feel like been scolded by Granny again.

She knocks on the door lightly and looks around the hall. A few minutes pass with no answer. He had said he would stick around for a few days. She looks at her watch for the time. It was still early.

Maybe this is a sign that she is crazy and she decides to leave. Emma sneaks out as easily as she snuck inside.

The disappointment she feels is a lot. She wants to meet him, be herself, and the thoughts that swirl in her mind are not her own. She has obviously been around MM too much for goodness sake. She used the name that MM had told her she would use for her first son with David.

Killian had left to go sightseeing for a while. The truth was he was feeling cooped up in the tiny room while waiting for Emma Nolan to make her appearance. He was making his way back to the Inn when a flash of golden hair caught his attention. He pauses for a second as he takes her in. Bloody hell, he really shouldn't be noticing other women, but he couldn't help fall victim to the enchantment the woman had clearly placed upon him. He followed her from a distance, and she was oblivious to his presence.

He grins as he notices how freely she gave genuine smiles to the town's people that happily greeted her. He was still too far away to listen to how they addressed her, but he was truly entranced by her.

His thoughts race to Milah; she was a beautiful woman for sure, but she was not exactly a people person. She could be cold and unwilling to grant a simple smile unless she was forced. His brother didn't understand the relationship, but had encouraged him to finally give up his bachelor ways. Killian had enjoyed his life as a single man thoroughly and would not miss out on anything except for one thing; true love. He was ready to accept that perhaps that wasn't in the cards for him. He could settle for the relationship he shared with Milah. She was a good match; she was from a good family, and a union between them could solidify the business. People married for less.

The next day, Emma goes to school and she is pulled aside by Silv.

"Emma, you had a visitor yesterday," Silv informs her.

"Uhm, I did? I don't remember seeing anyone." Emma quirks a brow.

"No, no there was a man looking for you, but you know Miss Blue and her rules. She sent him away and he was unhappy. He even mentioned stopping the donations in the name of his mother, Alice Rogers-Jones. That caused Miss Blue to be upset all day. I don't know if we can fix it, but the money we receive from her estate is the most generous one." Silv worries her bottom lip.

"Oh, so maybe I shouldn't go to class today. I know how Miss Blue gets. She is going to make my day miserable, isn't she?" Emma sighs.

"I don't know, but chances are high. Oh, and Emma, Alice Rogers was close friends with your mother. Maybe you can find a way to use that to get Mr. Jones to reconsider stopping donations. He seemed to be reconnecting with his dead mother since he's been in town," Silv suggests.

Emma pinches the bridge of her nose. "Alright, I will see what I can do. I guess I better go." Emma smiles at Silv and leaves campus.

Emma enters Granny's as Ruby is about to leave. "Hey Ems, have you seen that hottie staying here?" Ruby winks.

Emma sighs. "Is Mr. Hottie here?"

Ruby thinks for a moment. "Nope, I saw him leaving to go for a run. At least that's what it looked like from what he was wearing. That's when I noticed him. I had heard the girls talking about him. Mr. dark-hair, sexy accent, and eyes to die for, but how do you know him?"

"I don't know him, Ruby."

"You just asked if he was here and you should be on campus already. Shit, I'm going to be late," Ruby whines.

"Damn it, I guess I can try later. I wanted to avoid Miss Blue. Come on, let's go." Emma puts her arm around Ruby.

On the drive, Emma explains what had happened. She leaves out some details because Ruby couldn't stop laughing at her.

Emma's day is filled with dread waiting for Miss Blue to call her to her office and lecture her, but it never happens. Astrid explains she was not feeling well. Small miracles.

Killian is about to cross the street to Granny's when he sees the blonde from the other day leaving the diner with Granny's granddaughter. He winces, he had heard the old lady yell at her a couple of times already. He tries to hurry to get a better look at the blonde, there is something familiar. Maybe it's the way she carries herself. He scratches behind his ear. The thought is preposterous; he has not even met her, but yet... Bloody hell, he feels like such a wanker. He's acting like a creep. His eyes linger on her without his permission.

He enters the Diner and sits down in a booth near the door. His eyes gaze out the window.

"Hello, I'm Ashley and I will be your waitress today," Ashley introduces herself.

Killian smiles. "Hello, I'll just have some scrambled eggs, toast, and a banana if you have it. Orange juice and a glass of water as well."

She smiles and walks away.

Killian finishes his breakfast and goes up the stairs to his room to shower. He's about to finish getting ready when his phone rings. Killian grimaces when he sees the caller ID with a photo of his brother pop up. "Hello brother. How may I help you today?"

"Killian, I need you to come back home, now! Your betrothed has been harassing me nonstop. Please brother for all that is holy, come home and make her stop. She calls me constantly to complain, and it's always the same question. 'Why did I send you away on business?'" Liam sighs. "Why did you tell her it was a business matter?"

Killian laughs. "I'm sorry Liam, was I supposed to tell her I left town because a letter that wasn't addressed to any one caused my older brother to have a hissy fit? That you sent me away to fix it? You're a big boy, deal with it."

"Kill-" That's all Liam manages to say.

Killian smiles big as he disconnected the call. He looks out the window. Should he go to the marina? He finishes getting dressed and grabs his wallet, opting to leave his phone in the room. He doesn't want to deal with Liam.

Emma is supposed to meet the girls to practice at MM's house, but she has been nervous all day so she figures she should apologize to Jones first. She's in front of room 204 once again, takes a deep breath, and knocks. She waits, no answer. She shakes her head. Maybe he went to eat or take a walk. What else can he be doing in town? She waits one second just to be safe but no answer.

Another lost opportunity and her time to come clean was coming to an end soon.

Emma rushes out to meet the girls for practice. They had decided to practice at Mary Margaret's house since they wanted to surprise Miss Blue. Emma arrives just in time to change to Leo and start.

Killian finds Blanchard Farmers Market not far from the fish market by the harbor. The smell of the sea had called him to the pier and he inevitably became hungry from walking all day. He was pleased they served fish and chips like back home. He enjoyed his meal and left, eventually finding the Blanchard Farmers Market. The fruit and vegetables look delicious. He opts for some crisp apples and sweet oranges to keep in his room at the Inn. He wonders if he will ever see his friend "Leo" again, or if said friend had passed on his message; he hadn't received any indication the elusive Emma had contacted him. With a shrug, he heads back to the Inn before he goes looking for his friend. He wonders if he can ask Granny for the address or the phone number of the Nolans, but decides to find someone else for the information and use her as a last resort.

He had tried using his cellphone internet, but the town is as if it is trapped in the nineteen eighties for the most part. Killian approaches a rotund man at Granny's. "Excuse me, Sir?" Killian asks with a smile.

The man looks back at Killian with a scowl. "What is it? Can't you see I'm enjoying my food?" the man all but growls.

Killian mutters under his breath, So much for small-town hospitality. "I'm sorry to bother you. Could you direct me to the Nolans' home?

The man laughs. "Did Emma get a hold of you?"

He sighs. "Look, we all love her, but she makes idiots of the men she gets involved with." He shakes his head.

Killian quirks a brow. "No, actually I made acquaintance with her brother. We didn't exchange information, unfortunately."

"Hmm, all right." The grumpy man knows how friendly one of the Nolan twins is, so he takes out a small notepad from his shirt's pocket and scribbles on it, handing the paper to him.

Killian takes the paper and smiles. "Thanks, mate."

"The name is Leroy," he grumbles.

"Ah, to show my appreciation for your kindness, how about I pay for your meal?" Killian asks.

"Thank you. I appreciate it," Leroy says begrudgingly as he begins eating again.

Killian arrives at the address quickly. He notices a group of men arguing outside the house. He approaches slowly and tries to go unnoticed until he hears the subject of their conversation.

Jefferson says, "She's an artist, why would she want to be with anyone who would suffocate her creative side?"

August chimes in with, "I've known her the longest, what better partner than a friend?"

Graham scoffs. "Emma needs someone who will show her adventure and is experienced."

Killian can't help but scratch behind his ear as he makes his way to the front door to knock.

"Excuse me," one of the men says from behind him.

Killian clears his throat as he turned to face the group of admirers.

"Are you here to see Emma?" the man with a slight accent asks.

Killian shakes his head. "No, I'm looking for her brother."

The group nods and the relief on their faces is evident.

"He's not here," the man says. "I'm Sheriff Humbert. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Killian shakes his head in disappointment. "No, thank you."

"Wait!" one of the other men shouts. "Please, help us settle a disagreement. See, we all think Emma should choose us to be with. I was wondering if an unbiased opinion would help clear this up for us."

Killian looks at the Sheriff. He is about his age, with the other two men being younger. "I'm sorry, but shouldn't it be her decision? I don't know the lass in question personally, but it should be her choice. When you know, you know," he says as he walks away, not wanting anything further to do with their argument.

The three men, not satisfied with his answer, begin bickering again almost immediately.

@rumdrum91 @itsfabianadocarmo @xsajx @hookedonapirate  @kmomof4  @seriouslyhooked @profdanglaisstuff  @let-it-raines @revanmeetra87 @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious @kymbersmith-90 @branlovestowrite @thejollyroger-writer @shireness-says @ilovemesomekillianjones @thisonesatellite @thesschesthair @winterbythesea @stahlop @resident-of-storybrooke @superchocovian @lfh1226-linda @artistic-writer @thislassishooked @shardminds @winterbaby89 @xhookswenchx @ultraluckycatnd @gingerchangeling @laschatzi @wellhellotragic @xemmaloveskillianx @courtorderedcake @pirateherokillian @optomisticgirl @darkcolinodonorgasm @sherlockianwhovian @andiirivera  @djlbg  @jennjenn615 @scientificapricot @officerrogers  @imlaxdris71 @therealstartraveller776 @kday426  @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713  @donteattheappleshook @spacekrulesbians @lassluna @carpedzem @captainodonoghue @killian-will-do @jarienn972 @tehgreeneyes @demisexualemmaswan @queen-serena88 @swanslieutenant @tiganasummertree  @whimsicallyenchantedrose @bethacaciakay  @ohmakemeahercules @jrob64 @klynn-stormz @mariakov81

[writingwithacupoftea]

It’s been one hell of a week, and I want to share a life update with you all...

I don’t really know what this post is gonna be. I think it’s gonna be kinda like journaling, but I actually wanted to feel like I was talking to someone about it, even if no one reads it. I’m going to put everything below the cut, and if you wanna read it, cool, and if you don’t, that’s equally alright. I’m not scrapping for sympathy, I just want to talk to people that aren’t in my quote on quote ‘real life’ (pls don’t be offended, I love you all dearly).

So, feel free to ignore, this is going to be completely unedited, raw rambling about stuff that I need to get off my chest.

I guess I’ll start with the good stuff: I got accepted to interview for my teacher training course!!!!! I’m absolutely over the moon, and incredibly grateful to have this opportunity 🥰

I’m having a long weekend at home with my family, which is lovely, because it feels like ages since I was back at home. My amazing bestie/house mate sent me the cutest little care package this morning and omg I love her so much 🥺

I’m also finally starting to get on top of uni work, which is a big weight off my shoulder now I need to start with interview prep as well.

Now, before we move onto the bad stuff, a bit of backstory...

In December 2019, I got into a relationship with a guy who, quite frankly, is unlike any other boy I’ve ever met. He’s so kind, considerate, selfless, generous, funny, caring - basically every girl’s dream guy. We have similar interests, have never fought once, and were friends before we got into a relationship.

We had an incredible 3 months together as a couple, with so many incredible memories and laughs... and then lockdown happened in the England.

The announcement on 23rd March this year that England was going into lockdown sent me spiralling into my first ever panic attack (which was an absolutely horrendous experience) and my Mum drove up to my uni house in the middle of the night to bring me home.

I anticipated being at home for a few weeks, and then it turned into months. But these months were some of the best months of my life - Mum and I would go walking in the fields around where we live and have tv nights together, me and my friends from held games nights over zoom every Friday night so that we could see each other - it was incredible.

It was during these months at home that I decided, on a whim and not telling anyone other than my parents, to email my old school to see if they were part of any teacher training courses. At this point, I didn’t know for sure if I wanted to go straight into teaching after finishing my degree or if I wanted to do another job for a few years before committing myself to teaching. I’m a big believer in fate, and thought the response that I get to this email will decide.

So I sent it and, miraculously, got a response within a week, saying that they would be delighted to have me. I was ecstatic. Obviously nothing had been confirmed, because I still had to apply and be interviewed, but I had been given the confirmation that I didn’t realise that I so desperately wanted.

I texted my boyfriend and rang my best friend to tell them the news, and they were over the moon for me. But I also had to tell my boyfriend that this meant that I would be moving back to my home town once I finished my degree, something which is now mere months away.

I now had a clear direction in which my life was going, I’d smashed my second year at uni with flying colours, and my confidence in myself had flown up to an all time high. I had completely fallen in love with the person that I had become. Lockdown had also meant that I regained my love of my independence, and I realised that I wasn’t missing my boyfriend at all. In fact, the main person that I was missing was my best friend.

It was at this point that I started to have doubts about my relationship. 

Surely after months of being apart I should’ve started to miss him? I even found myself not looking forward to going to see him for our birthdays as planned. Our text conversations had grown stale, and I didn’t want to call him because I had no clue what to say to him.

I’ve always been very career-minded. My focus was completely on my future plans, and he wasn't there in my visions as my boyfriend. He was there as a friend, yes, but not my boyfriend.

When I went to meet him in our uni city for our birthdays, I felt more like I was meeting up with a good friend and not my boyfriend.

I think by this point I had built all these feelings up so much in my head that it was always going to be hard to move past them. But I said to myself that I wasn’t going to make any decisions about what to do with my relationship until I had moved back to uni for a couple of months and we spent some time together again properly, going back to near enough the way that things used to be before the pandemic took over.

So I moved back to uni, and this takes us nearly up to present day.

First of all, we both worked to run some of the event during the uni’s freshers’ week, which left us exhausted and busy. The week after we went into lectures, and the pressure hit me straight away.

To work at my dream school, I need a first-class degree (that’s the highest ranking of undergraduate degree that you can get in England). Yes, I’m already averaging at a good first, but the pressure to keep it up is immense. If I don’t get this grade, all the things that I’ve worked so hard to achieve will go down the drain.

On top of all my degree work, I was completing my teacher training application, running weekly events at the Students’ Union (SU, for short), being dragged into meetings every other week...it’s been insane.

So me and my boyfriend hadn’t had a single date night since we got back. Again, I hadn’t missed it and I was completely fine with it.

I then got invited for an interview for my teacher training course, and realised how busy I was going to be for the rest of this academic year. I didn’t know how the hell I was going to maintain a relationship on top of everything else. I then thought about what my life would be like when I started my course next September. If I was being realistic, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to maintain a long-distance relationship.

I also didn’t think that I wanted to maintain it. I missed being single, I was putting off date nights that he was trying to arrange in favour of chilling by myself in my room. But I also felt bad that I was essentially going to be putting my relationship on hold for a semester, to then resume as usual for a few months at the beginning of 2021, to then say actually I don’t think I can make this work when I moved home.

So on Tuesday, after much deliberating and talking, my boyfriend and I mutually decided to part ways as a couple after 10 months of being together, but remain the best of friends.

I was a lot more upset than I thought I would be, considering that I had brought the topic up and essentially instigated it (although the decision was mutual).

I sobbed and sobbed, and it was then that I started to doubt my decision. He’s devastated, my Mum too, and I started to wonder if I’d made a mistake.

When talking to my Mum on the phone, I listed all of his good qualities and how amazing he his and my Mum just asked “If he’s this good, as I know he is, why did you want to break up with him? There’s not many like him out there.”

I’m still thinking about that question. It genuinely haunts me.

I’ve been alright for the past few days. After a good sleep on Tuesday night, I woke up feeling okay and like all my doubts about my decision had vanished.

I’ll be honest, I’ve always been a Mummy’s girl. Her opinion and advice mean the world to me. And I know that she disagrees with the decision that I made to leave my boyfriend, she’s said it to my face multiple times. And now, the only thing making me doubt my decision is the fact that she is completely in disagreement, saying how amazing we were together as a couple and questioning how I could let him go.

I know it’s my decision, but her opinion means a lot to me. She’s always known what’s best for me, been so right about so many people, and that’s scaring me beyond belief.

We’re going to talk about it later today, and I have no clue what’s going to happen.

So I’m feeling a bit all over the place at the moment, that’s the only way I can describe it. Who knows what’s going to happen next - I sure don’t...

If you made it this far, honestly congratulations because I don’t think I would’ve 😂

Thank you for listening to me ramble, and thank you for being there for me to talk to.

All my love,

Emily x

[lovelylogans]

love light gleams

previous chapter | chapter two | next chapter

part of the wyliwf verse.

the sideshire files | read my other fics | coffee?

warnings: food mentions, complicated parental relationships, teenage emancipation, emotional abuse, mentions of being disowned, mentions of transphobia and homophobia, classism, mentions of past underage drinking, crying, religious content (church, going to confession), remus cameo, mentions of choking/killing someone, something similar to the canon “have you thought about killing your brother?” monologue, please let me know if i’ve missed anything!

pairings: gen 

words: 57,686

notes: it took my catholic-raised ass three months into writing this story to realize all of the goddamn religious implications i wrote into this story, and that realization was spurred because of the scene that gets introduced in this chapter, so, enjoy!

so, the sky is dark, but patton genuinely has no idea what time it is. god, he really hopes that the diner’s open. he could probably steal back to the inn and see what they’ve got leftover, or maybe get the cheapest thing on the menu at al’s pancake world, but. he’d really like to see virgil.

logan starts crying midway through the walk, so that means that patton has to steal inside the town’s gas station to check if he needs anything, but of course, he doesn’t, it’s his colic, and the reason patton doesn’t know what time it is is because he’d fallen asleep in the kitchen , somehow, without logan’s crying to wake him up for however long, so he’s probably held in the crying for a while, and—and it’s still upsetting, he knows that logan’s crying and it feels like he’s a bad dad because he can’t fix whatever’s wrong because something has to be wrong because logan’s crying, but he can’t fix it, he can only bounce logan and walk him along and hush him the best he can.

logan’s still crying—not screaming, but still crying—by the time he walks into the diner, so when he enters the diner he steals into the nearest empty booth in order to keep bouncing logan and rest his aching feet.

“it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” patton chants to him. “shh shh shh, it’s okay, sweetheart, i wish i could fix whatever’s wrong—”

he keeps talking to logan, trying to keep his voice quiet so that he isn’t disrupting the other diners, and eventually logan quiets, staring at him with red, watery eyes, and patton blows out a slow sigh of relief, air streaming toward his bangs.

“okay,” patton whispers. “okay. are you feeling better now, little love? yeah?”

logan sniffles a little, makes a babyish kind of hiccuping noise, and patton adjusts his hold on logan so he can wipe the tears off his face, and then, with one hand, smear at his own face. god, he’s so tired. shouldn’t a nap have made him less tired? 

“hey, what can i get—”

patton and the woman stare at each other for a few seconds. some of those seconds patton’s spending frantically searching through his brain to see if he’s forgetting that he’s met this woman before, or—

“i’m so sorry, but, um, are you new here?” patton says uncertainly.

“funny, i was gonna ask you the same thing,” the woman says, cocking out her hip. she looks familiar, with dark hair and blue eyes and ohh.

“wait, are you virgil’s sister?” patton asks.

“one of ‘em, yeah,” she says, and gestures. “i’d offer to shake your hand, but, ya know. baby holding takes priority. i’m technically winifred, because our parents hate us all, but i go by fred slash freddie. mostly freddie.”

“okay,” patton says. “freddie, hi, nice to meet you. um, i’m patton, this is logan.” he pauses, before he explains, “we moved here about a month ago.”

“ohh, that’d do it,” freddie says, sticking the pencil behind her ear. “i moved away—oh, i guess about a year ago now for work, so.”

“oh, what do you do?” patton asks, seizing on a socially acceptable way to do small-talk, but it’s as if those words are some kind of secret code that he’s shattered, because virgil bursts out of the kitchen, eyes wild, plonking the baby carrier on patton’s table as if to prove his point.

“ no feet on my tables or counters, no hands on my counters, do not do any backflips, frontflips, sideflips, or fancy acrobatic tricks i don’t know the names of, and no you can not show him your weird tricks that prove that mom and dad had your spine removed at birth—“

“—it’s called contortionism—”

“people are eating, that sh—stuff is gross,” virgil finishes.

“you aren’t the boss of me,” freddie says.

“no, but i’m the boss of here,” virgil says, and freddie blows a raspberry at him.

“sorry about her, patton,” virgil says, and now that they’re side-by-side, patton can see the whole sibling resemblance thing even clearer.

“oh, don’t be, i think she’s funny,” patton says.

“ha! see? i’m funny,” freddie says.

“why did you stick around here again?” virgil says.

“mom and dad were going to a museum’s diorama opening,” freddie says, and raises her eyebrows for emphasis. “a diorama opening, virgil. so if it’s between that and—”

“—not getting out of my hair?”

“spending time with my beloved baby broooo-theer,” she coos, and virgil ducks out from any of her attempts at a hug like getting his hand off a hot stove, and patton tries to stifle his laughter against his hand.

“just—go back to the counter, winifred jane, ” virgil huffs, and freddie curtsies and prances, dramatically, back toward the counter.

“so, she’s an ...acrobat?” patton guesses as he starts to situate logan in the carrier.

“acrobat, wannabe circus woman, dancer, stuntswoman on occasion, yeah,” virgil says wearily. “the dream’s cirque du soleil.”

“that’s really awesome,” patton says. “i went to one of those shows once, a few years ago, it was—” a time he remembers fondly with his parents, which sends a stab of regret through his chest, makes him think of the papers that are practically burning a hole through logan’s diaper bag—“i mean, wow. that’d be a really interesting job. she seems like she’d be really good at it.”

“please don’t say that where she can hear you, her ego will grow three times too big.”

“grinch reference?”

virgil smiles, just a little, and patton clears his throat, digging around.

“um—i’m happy you came over, actually, i meant to drop this off yesterday but well, you know,” he says, and makes a vague hand gesture with one hand, digging in the bag with the other, before he presents it to virgil, flushing just a little.

he’s not the best knitter, but. it’s the best he can do really. and it doesn’t feel like even a fraction of enough, in terms of a gift for virgil, but—virgil’s face does something at the sight of it.

“it’s a scarf,” patton elaborates, because, well, to be fully honest, it’s kind of difficult to tell. “um, for your birthday. so. happy late birthday. again.”

“oh,” virgil says. “patton, that’s—that’s really cool, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“this was seriously the least i could do,” patton says firmly.

“well,” virgil says, and picks it up carefully, ignoring the bit at the end that patton didn’t knot very well and is therefore unraveling as they speak, “thanks. hey, it’s purple!”

“well,” patton says. “yeah. it, um. it’s your favorite color. isn’t it?”

virgil then unfolds it.

“oh, you—you don’t have to wear it right now,” patton says.

“no, i love it,” virgil says stubbornly, carefully winding it around his neck. he smiles a little, touching it gently, as if to ensure it won’t unravel anymore. “thanks. no one’s ever knitted something for me before.”

“oh,” patton says, perking up a little. “well, um, you’re welcome!”

“it’s nice and warm,” virgil says, and readies his notepad. “do you want—?”

“oh! um, one more thing,” patton says. “i had—well, part of the reason i couldn’t drop it off is because i had lunch with maria yesterday, as, like, a check-in kind of thing,” and to drop off the papers that will definitely be like in the top three of major life-changing decisions i’ve made this year , “and apparently christmas pay is first come, first serve, and since i’m the most recent hire, i, uh. i guess logan and i are coming to your family christmas? if that’s still okay?”

“of course that’s still okay,” virgil says firmly. “that’s great. um, i will let you know that freddie will also be there, so if you want a get out of jail free card now, i can pretend you never told me—”

patton laughs, even as he swats at virgil. “she’s your sister.”

“yeah, i know,” virgil says. “which is why i’m offering you the get out of jail free card.”

“i dunno, it seems like it’ll be kinda fun,” patton says. “i’m an only child, so. siblings are kind of a mystery to me.”

“god, i wish that were me,” virgil mutters under his breath. 

“it’ll be fun!” patton says. “you called your sister by her full name, am i gonna hear you get middle-named by your parents, at some point?”

( god, virgil hopes not; he’d panicked a couple weeks ago when patton had been talking about names, said that his “oh, my confirmation name was thomas” and patton had gotten so excited about him and logan and virgil being “middle name twins! or, triplets, i guess!! that’s so cool!!” and virgil had said “HAHA YEAH HOW COOL IS THAT” all while dedicating himself even more to locking down his full name so no one will hear it, because god virgil wishes his name was virgil thomas!)

“uh, maybe,” and then, “what do you want for dinner?”

oh, so it’s dinner time, patton thinks. he’d been a little nervous he’d slept straight through the night, almost to the dawn. according to the stuff he’s been reading, that probably won’t happen for another month and a half, and for it to happen regularly until logan hits six months. 

“hot cocoa/coffee,” he starts, and virgil groans, and logan makes a babyish noise, as if to support patton, and patton decides to resort to using the baby to get him caffeine.

it’s worked before, and patton’s banking on it working again.

(it does.)

⁂

it takes patton slightly embarrassingly too long to tune in to the abnormal thing on his schedule, the next morning.

it’s probably because patton got about an hour of sleep in snatches, between trying to calm logan and when he was lying on his back, staring sleeplessly at the cracked ceiling of the poolhouse, turning the emancipation situation over and over and over in his head.

because on one hand, he fills out the emancipation form. which is the logical thing to do, at this point—sixteen-year-olds can file for emancipation and teen parents have an even better chance of getting approved, especially since he has a job and a place to live. he fills out the emancipation form, he stops feeling the urge to look over his shoulder all the time, no more fear of his parents sending a detective after him to try to find him or anything—honestly, he’s surprised they didn’t file a missing persons report. he knows they haven’t, he’s been checking.

but he files for emancipation. and then what? his parents would hate him. any chance patton might have at forgiveness gets slimmer and slimmer by the day, like a rope fraying, a rope he’s clinging to despite the fact that he’s got a pretty decent foothold in the mountain that he’s climbing, and filing for emancipation would be like taking out an axe and chopping the rope so with one misstep he’d start free-falling. emily and richard sanders are proud people. patton filing for emancipation would be like a slap in the face.

and then what? they’d be furious with him. they might never, ever forgive him. they might never even talk to him again.

and on the other hand, if he doesn’t—then that means that that looming threat of being dragged back home still hangs heavy over his head. and then what? he’d be locked up in his room, for the next two years, at least? thrown back into chilton? sent right back to his life before, before he’d gotten a taste of a world being free of being emily and richard sanders’ child first and the continuation of the sanders line second and any anything about himself third, of being expected to go to an ivy league and be a house spouse and join a thousand societies and go to a hundred balls and luncheons and meetings a year and just, what? be a pretty bird, in a gilded cage, and miss any chance of seeing logan through these baby years and his childhood? maybe even be forced to give logan away, or make him be kept at his parents’, be logan’s older “brother.” he doesn’t even know what they’d do to him—and that would be the nice option.

but. but, if he doesn’t... his parents might forgive him for running away. oh, not immediately, of course not. but there’d be a hell of a lot better chance of them forgiving him if he doesn’t actively turn away.

yeah. so. patton’s lost a lot of sleep he’s got a lot on his mind. he missed something atypical on his schedule. he’s tuned into it just in time.

so, he manages to tidy up the last room before his lunch break a bit quicker than usual, and, after being waylaid by changing logan, manages to slide into the kitchen.

“sorry,” patton pants. “am i—am i late?”

“you’re early, actually,” cindy says, and patton blows out a slow breath of relief, trying not to clutch the stitch in his side.

“good! good, i was worried i’d be late. um—how do holiday parties usually go around here?”

“oh, they’re pretty casual here,” cindy says. “eat some snacks, drink some drinks—well, you’ll be having soda, i guess—play some music, you know. casual. maybe a game, if someone gets too into it, but it’ll be charades or some other party game like that.”

“uh-huh,” patton says, whose experience with christmas parties are mostly his parents formal events with the really good apple tarts and really terrible small talk, “casual, okay. i can do that.”

“and probably,” they say, with a wry smile, “a round of pass-the-baby, but that’s pretty normal around here now.”

“well, as long as everyone washes their hands, i’ll be fine with that,” patton says, already moving to remove the baby carrier (and logan in the baby carrier) from his chest. 

“since they’re coming into my kitchen, they better be,” cindy says.

their coworkers start gradually filtering into the kitchen over the course of the next few minutes; patton hands logan over to rafael, as he makes the first claim and is the first to finish washing his hands to cindy’s satisfaction. patton’s kind of glad, because he can chit-chat pretty easily with rafael; he usually ends up hovering nervously the whole time anyone else is holding logan, so this at least gives him an excuse other than looking like a hysterical, overprotective nervous nelly.

"so,” patton says, “do you have any plans for the holidays?”

it turns out raf’s wife is jewish, so they’re celebrating hanukkah already (”it’s not as major a holiday as, like, rosh hashanah or yom kippur, but she loves latkes, so i’m going to eat potatoes for the whole holiday, which is the opposite of a problem”) so they’re already in the middle of their holiday celebration. 

and then hector wants to hold logan, so patton starts talking to hector—he’s going to see his daughter and his granddaughters, and he hands logan back in time to dig out photos and proudly show them off (which frankly is the exact kind of dad and, oh god, potential grandpa he wants to be) chattering patton’s ear off about how little ana is so smart, reading already, and sofia might only be a bit older than logan but she’s already a strong one, nearly broke his finger with how strong she was holding it last time. 

and then logan starts fussing, so patton takes him and ducks into the nearest unoccupied room to check on him, and when he walks out—

“oh! excuse me,” patton says, before he realizes who he’s talking to.

“not a problem at all,” meredith says warmly. “oh, hello, logan!”

“can you say hello?” patton prompts, even though he knows it’s about eleven months until logan will start using basic words like hello or bye-bye, but he doesn’t so much as babble.

patton smiles apologetically, but she laughs.

“he’s a newborn, i don’t expect any of that yet,” she says reassuringly. “i heard from virgil that we can expect to see you at the family christmas?”

“oh, yes,” patton says, shifting logan in his arms. “turns out holiday pay is a first come, first serve thing, which i probably should have expected. thank you again, so much, for inviting me, by the way,” he adds hastily—he can hear his mother lecturing him about rudeness now, and then even the thought of his mom makes him sad—and she smiles.

“well, it’s just nice to meet a friend of virgil’s after,” she says, hesitates, and continues, “well, it’s just nice to meet one of virgil’s friends.”

that’s a strange way to put it. look, patton knows he’s practically sleepwalking, but that’s a strange way to put it, right?

“well, it’s nice of you to have us,” patton says.

“oh, my, what do we have here?” maria asks, as she comes down the hall. “patton, i hope she’s not corrupting you.”

“maria,” meredith says warmly.

“no, no, not at all,” patton says. “um, i was just thanking her for inviting me to the family christmas.”

maria smiles at meredith, putting a hand on patton’s shoulder. “well, how nice! i hate to steal patton from you, meredith, it’s just that if my employees don’t have a baby in the room i fear they’ll riot. honestly, they’ve been the best-behaved they’ve been in years when there’s a baby to be held.”

“why do you think mark and i kept having them?” meredith says dryly.

“we should get coffee, sometime, before you leave for the holiday,” maria says. 

they exchange a look that’s a bit too loaded for patton’s exhausted, sad brain to unparse right now.

“so lovely to see you back in town!” maria says, patting patton’s shoulder, which he takes as his cue to go.

“coffee, maria, really, i know where to find you,” meredith, and adds, “i’ll see you three later!”

“bye, mrs. danes!” patton calls.

“it’s meredith—”

“oh, mer, i’ve been trying to break him of his manners for a month,” he can hear maria say as he edges back into the kitchen, “i wish you luck with it.”

he enters the kitchen, and someone is at his side.

“i’ve washed my hands,” pauline says stiffly, and patton grins.

“pauline, would you like to hold the baby?”

“if you insist,” she says, as if she does not immediately cuddle logan close to her as soon as patton puts him in her arms, logan’s chubby fists opening and closing as he reaches for the fine silver chain that supports the modest, everpresent cross that hangs from pauline’s neck.

there’s the soft ting-ting-ting, and patton turns his attention to maria, who’s holding a glass and spoon aloft. 

"i’d say i’ll keep it short, but all of you know much better than that,” maria says cheerfully, to a chorus of chuckles. “now! it’s been a wonderful year so far, and i have high hopes that it will continue to be a wonderful year when i leave you all to fend for yourselves after tomorrow. and to ensue in our yearly tradition—”

“our yearly what?” patton says in an undertone to pauline, but pauline’s handing logan back and everyone’s getting up and standing in a circle, so patton hastens to follow.

“now,” meredith says, “we’ll start with cara, and move down the line.”

with a rush of aww s and chuckles, cara walks into the center of the circle with a bowed head and flushing cheeks. 

what’s happening? patton would ask, except everyone so clearly knows what’s happening already, so he just sinks a little further back into the round to see what—

“cara,” pauline says, “you are a great speaker. you have a natural ability to best explain to guests any plans thoroughly and articulately, all while answering any questions before they can be asked.”

“aw, thanks, pauline,” cara mumbles, face still bright red.

“cara,” rafael says, “you can solve problems for me in ten minutes that would take me six weeks to figure out.”

oh, patton realizes. it’s a compliment train.  

“cara,” maria says warmly, “i know that when i leave for the day, or i’m not there, i am leaving the inn in spectacular, capable hands, and i know that any inn you decide to work in once you’re done with your degree will be just about the luckiest inn in the world.”

and round and round they go, until they get to patton, who says, “cara, you really helped me settle in here, and i always know that when i walk by the front desk i’ll be greeted with a kind word and a smile. you’ve been so gentle with logan, which sets me at ease faster than anything when someone holds logan. you’ve given me a lot of comfort and i really hope you have a lovely holiday with even half the tenderness you’ve shown him, because you really deserve it.”

“oh,” cara says, a little choked up, “thanks, patton.”

“and let’s give it up for cara, everyone!” maria says, and everyone applauds. 

hector, rafael, cindy, maria, more and more, every employee of the inn has their time in the center of the circle. patton tries his hardest to impress on each and every one of them how welcome he feels, how grateful he is for them helping them, and he knows it’s not enough, not even close to enough, but the looks on their faces at least make patton feel like he’s at least started to pay them back somehow, and then—

“last of our new hires but certainly not least,” maria says warmly, “patton.”

patton’s face feels like it’s on fire, and he tightens his hold on logan as he steps cautiously into the center of the circle. 

“you parent us so effectively, and we’re older than you. logan’s going to turn out so well with you there to teach him everything—you are such a mixture of a teddy bear and a papa bear and i love it!”

“patton, you always try to build everyone up and you’re always so supportive of everything anyone does—you’re encouraging, and you always make an effort to reach out and compliment someone, which really means a lot to me when i’m having a rough time.”

“patton, you always try your hardest to do the right thing, and whether it’s as big as raising that beautiful baby of yours or as small as messing up a customer’s bed, you will always, always strive to make it better than it was before.”

“you are such a nurturing, loving, caring friend, and you are already an amazing father. logan is going to be so lucky to grow up with a dad as kind, understanding, and supportive as you.”

“patton, you always try to greet everyone with a smile and you are such a ray of sunshine to absolutely everyone you meet, it’s incredible. you are just such a... such a good person, like, disney levels of good, it’s almost like birds should do your hair every morning.”

around and around and around it goes, and when it gets to maria she steps forward, face creased with concern, and that’s when patton realizes he’s crying. 

“sorry,” he gasps out, and sniffs, loudly, wiping under his eyes with his sleeve. “sorry, sorry, i’m sorry—“

“oh, honey, you don’t need to be sorry,” maria says. “if this is too much—“

“no,” patton says, and tries for a wobbly smile. “sorry, um, it’s—it’s hormones, i think, i’m okay, i’m just—” he swallows, and forges on. “i’m just really grateful for how kind and welcoming everyone has been, and everyone—everyone’s been so nice to me, and i just—” don’t deserve this, i don’t deserve this, why are you being so nice to me? i’m me, you shouldn’t be so nice to me, “ thank you.”

maria gently wraps an arm around his shoulders. “do you think you can handle one more?”

patton, sniffling, nods, smearing his sleeve under his eyes again.

“you have been,” she says, “a spectacular new hire. you’ve been a great employee, you’ve caught up well with your training, you clearly get along well with your coworkers—“

a rush of agreeing noises pour forth, and patton sobs, just a little, and maria squeezes him around the shoulders.

“—you have been so kind and welcoming. guests take notice, and we have taken notice, and patton—you are welcome to stay here for as long as you like, as long as you need. i think that you are a remarkable young man who is working through a variety of unfortunate circumstances, but you face them admirably with a level of strength that i marvel at every day. even with everything that has happened to you, you have not let that affect you, and you remain to be one of the most unique, shining rays of kindness that i have ever met. you are gentle, and sweet, and a good father, and a good boy, who i would be privileged to watch grow into a good man. you are welcome here, and you are loved. more than you know.”

he’s trying to look at maria, but her face is blurring up and he can feel his face crumpling up, and there’s something lodged in his throat that won’t let him say “thank you” in anything louder than a rasp.

“yeah, we love you, patton,” rafael says warmly, as maria draws him in for a hug.

“we love you, patton!” cindy.

“te amo como un hijo!” hector.

patton buries his face in maria’s shoulder, just for a second, trying to get it together enough to thank them, to try to communicate how much it means to him, how much he loves it here, and how much of that is due to the people.

whatever he says, he knows it won’t be enough.

it won’t ever be enough.

but, patton thinks, as maria squeezes his shoulder and murmurs “truly, we do,” in his ear, maybe it can be a start.

⁂

patton doesn’t even know what day it is, really, but cara had been put under instructions re: making patton go for walks and eat something other than inn leftovers, so she’s shooed him out of the front room for dinner. taking logan on a walk and getting some fresh air sounds like a great idea, until—

“oh, shoot,” patton says in an undertone, as soon as he feels the familiar plop! of a cold drop on his head, and immediately places a protective hand over logan’s head as he rushes for safety under the nearest building’s eaves.

and not a moment too soon—it seems like as soon as he gets safely under the roof, that weird precipitation that’s somewhere between rain and snow pours upon the sidewalk, and patton directs a stream of air toward his bangs.

right. he’s stuck here, then, at the...

oh.

he’s at the church.

he’s seen the church, of course; it’s within eyesight of the diner, near the center of town, so of course he’s seen it. he knows that the priest and the rabbi share the space, since the town is so tiny it can’t really justify two separate places of worship, so all of them shared the historical building. it’s pretty, and big, but nothing like the stone behemoth that his parents usually attended—this is white, with a big black door and a steeple, just big enough that it would hold a congregation. 

he hasn’t been to this one. he hasn’t been to a church in a while, actually. well, he’d gone before he’d told his parents about pregnancy, trying to win them over before he had to dump life-changing news on them, too, but prior to that had been them inviting over reverend boatwright to talk to patton about the gift of his “virtue” and that had gone over with about the grace and subtlety of a lead balloon. he hadn’t been to church in a long time, really. ever since, well—ever since he realized he was a he.  

his feelings toward church have skewed toward complicated since then.

patton chews at his lip. on one hand, it’s the middle of the day, but on the other, it’s in the middle of the christmas season, which meant that there might be a service, which he really doesn’t want to interrupt. he can peek in and see if it’s busy, he figures. that’d be a good compromise.

still keeping his hand over logan’s head, in case of any stray raindrops, he slowly ascends the stairs and reaches the big black door, which has two signs on it. patton squints, adjusting his glasses to read them—one details the jewish services, the other christian. both say all are welcome.

apparently, there isn’t much going on right now, but they’ve got something happening soon.

patton takes his chances. he takes a deep breath. he eases open the door as quietly as he can. 

no one’s in the opening section of the church. it feels strangely anticlimactic.

patton cautiously removes logan from his chest, adjusting so that he’ll cradle logan in his arms instead, and settles carefully on one of the benches that’s relatively out of the way.

“all right, love, we’ve got some time to kill,” patton says. “how’s your day been?”

logan babbles at him, and babbles even more, culminating in waving his arms around and a smile, and patton makes a shocked face.

“goodness, you did all that?! where was i, for all this?”

logan pulls a face at him, scrunching up his nose, as if to say silly daddy, and patton laughs.

“yeah, you’re right, i’m sure,” patton says, and surveys his surroundings. it’s decorated, but not in the way he’d expect; cloths of gold and silver descend from the ceiling, like streamers, almost, a christmas tree in a corner, menorahs gleaming proudly in the windowsills, a manger tucked away in an alcove, poinsettias overflowing from anything that might have been an empty space. it’s warm in here, really—warmer than patton would expect.

logan babbles more— pay attention to me! — and patton obligingly turns his attention back to him, tickling logan’s belly, feeling his heart swell up as logan smiles again. 

god, patton had had no idea he could love someone so much.

patton leans to kiss logan on the forehead, before he asks, “tummy time, d’you think?”

logan doesn’t really respond. which is fair, he’s a baby.

“tummy time it is,” patton says, and carefully adjusts so that he’s lying on the bench, legs awkwardly splayed and spilling over the edges so that he can stay balanced, and carefully eases logan onto his chest, on his stomach. he is kind of worried that logan isn’t getting enough time on his stomach, since patton carries him around so much and then when patton’s sleeping he’s in the crib, so he’s trying to do it more and more. the trouble is, it’s difficult to do that when his job has him on his feet so much.

logan thumps his fist on patton’s chest, and patton tries not to wince, before logan settles in place.

“there we go,” patton says. honestly, he’s not very comfortable at all, but, well. as long as logan is, that’s what matters. “how about that, huh?”

logan settles, and so does patton.

it’s been a fairly calm day. even though the holidays mean that there’s a lot of people flocking to sideshire to see relatives, everyone’s so frequently out of their rooms that it’s been easy for him to steal into rooms and tidy them up. a lot of employees are taking leave for their holiday plans, maria included, but it seems to even out.

really, patton’s kind of at a loss—he isn’t sure if this is a holiday thing, or if it means he’s getting used to the way things go here. on one hand, he’s happy about that. he likes it here, he wants to stay here, and it’s a good sign that he’s settling. on the other...

well, he’s settling here. not back with his mom and dad. thoughts of going back to school at chilton are starting to seem strange, foreign; why would he need to learn geometry proofs? that isn’t going to help him take care of his baby.  

patton lets out a sigh, watching logan rise and fall on his chest, and fixes his eyes on the ceiling.

he’s spent his nights since he got the papers biting his nails down to the quick and worrying about this. he won’t worry about it now.

he won’t.

honestly, if he wasn’t so uncomfortable on this bench, he’d be close to falling asleep. the sound of the rain pattering on the roof and pavement, the warmth of the room, the gentle twinkling lights strung about the room—there’s something inherently calming about it.

of course, that’s when logan starts crying.

“oh, honey,” he says, dismayed, sitting up carefully, “oh, oh, what’s wrong, sweetheart?”

he doesn’t need a diaper change, and, after a quick sojourn to the bathroom (god, patton loves the prolific presence of unisex, family restrooms in sideshire, no gender strangeness about going into the one that usually has a changing table and no lack of a changing table when he goes into the one for the gender he is) logan isn’t hungry, which means it’s probably colic, which means that patton has to, mostly, wait it out.

patton mumble-sings “blue christmas” as he walks laps around the church’s reception area, bouncing logan as he goes, and then “rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,” then “joy to the world,” then “twelve days of christmas.” none of them really help, and patton keeps darting nervous glances toward the church, hoping that the crying baby isn’t disturbing whatever might be going on in there, and—

“oh, i don’t think i know you,” and patton turns, flustered, patting logan on the back.

“i—no, i’m new in town,” patton says. “i’m so sorry, usually i’d take him outside, but with the rain—“

“no, no,” the reverend says—and he has to be a priest or a reverend, he’s wearing the clerical collar—and gestures. “just david and i here, decorating the main space. is it colic?”

patton huffs a breath toward his bangs, trying to get his curls out of his eyes. “yeah, how’d you know?”

he smiles. “lucky guess. how old is he?”

“about seven weeks.”

“i’ve seen babies for baptisms for years. may i—?”

“oh!” patton says, even more flustered. “um, of course, sure, just—”

pattno carefully hands over logan, and, with a practiced, professional flip that still makes patton jolt forward, heart in his throat, hands up as if to catch logan if he dropped him, the priest positions logan so that he’s on his stomach, his head still pillowed by the priest’s elbow, body balanced along his arm, and, with several firm pats to logan’s back, logan hiccups and falls silent.

“i,” patton says, “how did you—how did you just do that?”

“colic carry,” the priest says, lifting logan slightly, as if in demonstration. “uncommon trick, and really it doesn’t usually work this quickly, but. still useful.”

“oh,” patton says, breathless. “i—thanks.”

“you’re welcome,” he says. “your name...?”

“oh!” patton says, shaking himself. “right, i’m sorry—i’m patton, i moved here about a month ago.”

“archie skinner,” he says. 

“nice to meet you,” patton says. “would you mind, um. showing me how to hold him like that?”

the priest smiles, and shows patton how to position his arm, before he gently transfers logan back to him, and patton adjusts to this new, unfamiliar, frankly miraculous way to hold him.

“forgive me for asking, but are you religious?” archie asks. “i don’t think i’ve seen you, but of course you might be more familiar with david—“

“i,” patton begins, and huffs a breath. “to be fully honest, that’s a good question.”

“oh?”

“i used to go to church a lot more when i was younger,” patton explains. “but then i, um, well. at my parents’ church, they didn’t seem very pleased that i was... well, like i am.”

archie frowns. “i’m sorry you had that experience.”

“yeah, well,” patton says, and shrugs, mindful of how he’s carrying logan. “it is what it is, i guess.”

“well, i’d invite you to sit in, if you like,” archie says, “except for the next few hours, we’ll be doing reconciliation.”

patton frowns. “i thought that was an easter thing?”

“traditionally, yes,” archie says. “however, some parishioners prefer a more frequent opportunity, so we do it once every three months or so.”

patton absorbs this, and archie gestures.

“well. if you and—?”

“logan.”

“—logan would like to come in, we certainly won’t make you sit out here to wait out the rain.”

“thank you,” patton says, and he follows him into the (church? temple?) worship space. 

there is a man with a yarmulke in a corner—david barans, the rabbi, patton guesses—who’s making sure that a gold cloth stays affixed, as archie disappears into the confessional.

eventually, david leaves too, and patton slowly relaxes back into the pew as people slowly filter in.

he falls back into the sort of lull he’d been in before—the rain, the soft piano music in the background, the low, flickering light of the candles, logan falling asleep and staying asleep when patton cautiously eases back onto the pew and sets logan on his chest for pseudo-tummy-time, cradling logan’s head—and startles a little when someone sits beside him.

“i didn’t know you were catholic,” pauline comments, and patton rubs at his eyes.

“mostly on a technicality,” patton says. “went to church growing up, that kind of thing.”

pauline nods. “well. reverend skinner has good sermons each week, if you’d like to join.”

“i’ll think about it,” patton says, and shrugs. “weekend hours, you know.”

“yes,” pauline says. “i do.”

a long pause.

pauline’s an older lady, with hair that’s a strange shade between blonde and gray, and an ever-present cross around her neck. she almost always wears twinsets, sweaters and slacks, skirtsuits that remind him of his mom, tights that never have runs in them, sensible, neutral-colored heels. her hair’s cropped close to her head. it’s curling a little, just at the edges, probably from the stray drops of rain that had gotten to her, despite the umbrella folded up in her left hand. 

“are you going to penance?”

“oh—i, um, i just got caught up in the rain and i ran for cover, ‘cause, you know,” patton says, lifting logan ever so slightly.

“hm,” pauline says. “well, you might think about it. i’ve found that penance always gives me a great clarity of mind. it may be difficult, but when i walk out of the church, i feel... lighter. it might give you some form of closure. perhaps it would help.”

patton sits, silent, not quite able to meet her eyes. yeah, patton, starting to cry because people were too nice to you at the christmas party was a great move.

“i know you’ve had quite a year,” she says. “acknowledging that may help you move forward, in anticipation of the new year. but either way,” pauline says, and offers her hand. “though it’s not mass... may peace be with you.”

patton smiles, and shakes her hand. “peace be with you.”

“i hope that for you,” pauline says. “genuinely. i wish for you to move forward and achieve some kind of peace.”

patton folds his lip under his teeth and swallows. “thank you,” he croaks. “that’s—that’s very nice, pauline. i appreciate it.”

pauline nods, and she stands, smoothing her hands down her skirt, before she moves to where the line has dwindled to one person for reconciliation.

penance always gives me a great clarity of mind. it might give you some form of closure. i wish for you to move forward and achieve some kind of peace.

patton blows out a slow breath. “all right,” he says under his breath. “what could it hurt?”

and so, after pauline enters the reconciliation confessional, patton stands and slowly moves toward the line. 

when she exits to see him there, she looks startled, only for a moment, before she offers him a rare smile.

“i’ll be praying for you,” she says.

“thank you,” patton says softly, and he slowly enters the confessional, settling in the seat, shifting logan just slightly.

patton takes one deep breath, two, before he admits, “it’s been a while since i’ve done this, i can’t remember—”

“forgive me father, for i have sinned,” archie prompts gently.

“right, right,” patton says, and swallows, swiping his free hand along his jeans to get rid of the sweat, then swapping his hold on logan so he can do the same for the other. “forgive me father, for i have sinned. it’s been... i think two and a half years since my last confession.”

“may god the father of all mercies help you make a good confession,” the priest says formally.

patton swallows, hard, eyes suddenly stinging. 

“um, i’ve. i’ve lied,” he says. “to my parents, teachers, and friends. about who i am, what was happening to me. if i was happy or sad. if i’d done the work that was asked of me. about where i am, and what my plans were. are. i was—i am— deceitful and secretive.”

no response. patton guesses he’s just supposed to keep going, then.

“i’ve been angry,” he says, and suddenly it’s difficult to look at logan, and the guilt that comes from saying all of this out loud, and how is he supposed to feel lighter? “about—about the way others treated me, and i know i’m supposed to turn the other cheek, but i—i didn’t, sometimes, and i spoke in words of anger or hurt, but it doesn’t take away the fact that it was mean.

“i’ve been sad,” patton says, “and ungrateful, and i didn’t properly cherish what i had, what i could have. i’ve been prideful, and greedy, and lustful, and wrathful, and envious. it feels like i’m making my way down the list of the deadly seven, so. there’s that.

“i’ve drank—alcohol, i mean—and i’ve drank too much, a few times, and i can’t remember all the stuff i’ve done then but it was probably pretty bad. i’m not sure if that’s a sin, but it feels like it should be, especially since i’m not of age.”

he chews his lip, and says, “i’ve snuck out of the house, and lied about where i was, and shut out my parents for asking where i was. sometimes, i’d just... disappear. sneak out of the window, or wait until they were asleep, but i’d just sneak out of the house. i’m sure i’ve worried them terribly.”

“i’ve been...” he says, and his voice cracks. “i’ve been a terrible son. i’ve lied to my parents. i’ve been cruel to them. i ran away from home without a word, and there’s only been one phone call to tell that i’m not dead, which feels like i’m being unthoughtful at the least. i’ve caused them so much worry, and pain, and i’m stuck in the middle of a choice that will either hurt me and my son, or hurt them even more, and i—i don’t know if it’s a sin, choosing to hurt them, but it feels like it should be. and i—i don’t know what to do?”

a beat, and then patton adds, “oh, i guess i had premarital sex, too. um, that’s a sin,” he says, with a sobbing kind of laugh, swiping his fingers under his eyes. “i don’t know if having a child outside of marriage is a sin, but it probably is, ‘cause of the whole sex thing, so add that one on there. i’ve done a lot of bad things over the past couple years, but i think i covered the big ones and i wouldn’t want to keep you for hours.”

“that’s quite a list,” archie says, and patton gulps.

“yeah.”

“it must have weighed on you quite heavily.”

“yeah,” patton says, and a sob escapes him, involuntarily. “it—yeah.”

“and you are truly seeking repentance?”

“yeah,” patton says. “i mean, i think i—yeah.”

“well,” archie says. “i’m afraid my advice mostly follows on what you’ve been doing, which is changing your ways—you’re making a living, you’re caring for your son.”

patton blinks, sniffling. “isn’t the advice usually to pray my rosary five times, or something?”

“well, if you feel it’ll help, you can certainly do that too, i’m sure mary wouldn’t be opposed,” archie says reasonably. “but repentance —true repentance, in my mind—is a marked, vested interest in change. i certainly think that you’re doing that.”

“i’m changing,” patton says wearily. “trust me, i’m changing. to say the least.”

“quite,” archie says. “and... i suppose the rosaries and stopping by more church services couldn’t hurt, wouldn’t you say?”

patton manages a giggle—a snotty, gross one, but a giggle. “sure. i’ll say some rosaries.”

“all right,” archie says. “do you remember the act of contrition? i can walk you through it, if you like.”

so archie walks him through it, before he says, “god, the father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the holy spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins. through the ministry of the church, may god give you pardon and peace. and i absolve you from your sins in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the holy spirit.”

“amen,” patton says.

“now,” archie says. “go forth, and go in peace.”

patton hesitates, before he says, “thank you” and quickly scuttles out of the confessional.

he’s re-strapping logan to his chest out front, listening keenly for the rain, by the time archie re-emerges from the church.

“oh!” patton says, “um—“

archie holds up a hand, and says, “if you prefer, i can stick very firmly to the whole ‘confessionals are private’ aspect of it.”

patton blows out a slow breath of relief. “yes, i’d appreciate it.”

he makes sure that logan’s secure in the carrier, and archie nods at him.

“well,” he says, “you’d certainly be welcome at our christmas mass, if you like.”

“i’ll think about it,” patton says, and admits, “i’m spending christmas with the danes’, so i’m not really sure of my schedule.”

“oh, they’re fine people,” archie says. “have a nice day, and a merry christmas.”

“you too, reverend,” patton says, and opens the black door, about to step out into the square, before—

“patton?”

“yes?” patton asks, turning around.

archie smiles thinly, before he says, “you do realize that who you’ve been offering to pray to—well, mary was an unwed teenage parent too, you know.”

patton’s lip quirks. he runs a hand over logan’s downy hair.

“huh,” he says thoughtfully. “you know, i guess she was.”

⁂

“hey. hope you didn’t get caught in the rain.”

“no, no,” patton says, and tilts his head. “well—i did, a bit, but i managed to steal away into the church so we didn’t get too drenched.”

“oh, that’s—good,” virgil says, and similarly tilts his head. “i didn’t know you were—?”

“raised catholic,” patton says. “i like church better here, i think. it seems less—”

“homophobic slash transphobic, yeah,” virgil says dryly. “archie’s nice, he and david stop in here sometimes.”

“that’s good,” patton says. “how’s, um, the family being in town going?”

“good enough, i guess,” virgil says, scratching at his temple with the eraser-end of his pencil. “um—they’re over there.”

patton glances to where he’s gesturing to see freddie, meredith, mark, and three people he doesn’t know in a booth.

“esther and silas,” virgil elaborates. “they’re twins, second and third oldest. oh, and essie’s fiancée annabelle, too, she’s the one in pink. wyatt’s coming sometime tomorrow morning, he’s oldest.”

“the surgeon?”

“the surgeon,” virgil confirms. 

“should i go over and introduce myself?” patton asks uncertainly.

“mom and dad will take care of that for you,” virgil says. “can i put in your order?”

“pasta with marinara and parmesan cheese?” patton asks.

“side salad too?”

“sure, side salad too. and—“

“don’t say it,” he says, trying not to sigh.

“c’mon, please,” patton begs. “i need caffeine, c’mon, look at that face. look at that little baby face—“

“don’t bring the baby into this—“

“i have to bring the baby into this, he’s why i need it to stay awake to make sure i can take care of him, virgil, and you want him taken care of, don’t you?” patton wheedles. virgil hesitates. wavers. sighs.

“you’re on a limit, you hear me?”

“‘course,” patton says happily.

“i mean it,” he says sternly.

“uh-huh, sure,” patton says. 

“i’m serious.”

“of course you are,” patton says, and he must do a better job of looking less gloaty that time, because virgil sighs and notes it and heads back to the kitchen.

and, true to virgil’s word, meredith gets up and then gestures for everyone else to get up, and patton hastily waves at her, trying to get her not to, because really he’s just one person (well, one person and one very tiny person, who is easily carried) and that’s six people, so he quickly cuts across the diner before they can move to get up.

“hi,” patton says. 

“hi!” meredith says cheerfully. “this is our son, silas—“

silas, who looks the most like virgil of any of the siblings patton has seen so far, nods his head in a little jerk of acknowledgment. 

“—our daughter, esther—“

“essie,” she corrects, in a voice that’s bright and cheerful, and patton likes her immediately.

“—and esther’s fiancée annabelle,” meredith finishes.

annabelle, whose hair is pulled back into twin puffs, smiles at him, her white teeth a contrast against her perfectly smooth, dark skin.

“nice to meet you,” she says.

“nice to meet you too,” patton says. “um—i’m patton, this is my son, logan.” 

my son. still so new, so wonderful to say.

“would you like to have dinner with us?” meredith asks.

“oh!” patton says. “well, i mean—you don’t have to, i know it’s probably family time, and—”

“nonsense!” meredith says. “plenty of space, you’re joining us for christmas, the proximity to a baby—“

“please distract them,” essie says, jokingly, “dad keeps asking about wedding plans and i think he’s the only one who cares about napkin colors.”

“details are important,” mark says.

“not when the wedding’s still nearly two years away, they don’t,” annabelle quips.

“i—okay,” patton says, and so they end up pulling an extra chair at the table and mark basically immediately lays claim to holding logan first. 

virgil exits from the kitchen, looks confused, before he lays eyes on patton and strides over.

“your caffeine, which again you know is limited,” virgil scolds.

patton’s about to say something teasing, like you’re not the boss of me or something, but a voice cuts in.

“surely he’s old enough to decide if he wants caffeine if he has a baby,” the brother—silas—says, and patton falters, fingers withdrawing from the mug. there’s just—something. in his tone. that reminds him of withdrawing into a corner at chilton. which isn’t—it’s stupid, it’s his tone, it’s not like he’s said anything especially hurtful, but—

“ silas matthew,” mark says.

“what, he does,” silas says. 

“yeah, he does, but he’s my friend and i don’t want him overdosing on caffeine, si,” virgil says, and silas scowls.

patton tries to come up with something to say, fails, and ends up shifting in his seat as virgil and his brother glare daggers at each other, before virgil double-checks that everyone’s drink is okay and going back to the kitchen.

he’s my friend.

well—of course, patton had thought that virgil was his friend, he’d said when they met, hadn’t he, i’ll be your person, but he just kind of figured that virgil was being nice and helpful, but—

he’s my friend.

no one other than christopher has voluntarily called patton their friend since he came out. (and even christopher was pretty leery about doing that in public.)

patton directs his smile into his mug of hot cocoa/coffee.

the conversation moves on swiftly. annabelle ends up prodding essie into telling a story from work, and she’s apparently a coding analyst (seriously, the array of jobs in this family???) and has a horrific coworker. really, it’s mostly annabelle venting about how essie gets taken advantage of at work, and essie going “well, i wouldn’t say” and annabelle going “no, you deserve better,” and the only time essie really indulges in the venting is when it comes to the way the coworker treats other coworkers. 

honestly? patton can admire a partner sticking up for their partner. he’d like to have a partner like that one day.

oh, great. and now he’s thinking of christopher, and that distinct, bittersweet but way more bitter than sweet ending, and his “what are you going to do?” and patton doesn’t know what he’s going to do and now he’s gotta redirect his train of thought now .

“hey, pat, watch out, hot plate,” virgil says, and patton lets out a sigh of relief that he hopes isn’t too noticeable. “plus, salad.”

“thanks, v.”

“aaand parmesan,” he says, setting the little adorable bowl with the little adorable spoon that the diner uses to give out things like parmesan. 

“it looks great,” patton says truthfully, and, after virgil withdraws, patton folds his hands in his lap. 

it takes a couple minutes for meredith to glance sidelong at hm.

“are you not hungry, patton, sweetheart?” meredith asks, and oh no, now everyone is looking at him, and—and patton, sweetheart, the same way he says logan, sweetheart, is that just a parent thing or?

“oh, no i am, but—“ patton says, ruffled, “but, i, um, it—the way i was raised, you wait until everyone has gotten their food before you start eating, or else it’s—or else you’re being rude. so.”

“what planet are you from?” silas asks, and sure, said by anyone else, it could be a joke, but—but it’s that tone again, and—

“silas,” essie hisses.

“ what, i know you’re thinking it too—“

“look, i—maybe a little, before i met patton, but look at him, he seems perfectly nice, he’s been nothing but polite, he doesn’t seem anything like—”

“kids,” meredith says, clipped, and both fall silent. patton swallows.

“you can eat,” meredith says gently. “really, eat. even the best pasta never tastes very good cold. i promise we won’t think you’re rude.”

patton chews his lip for a few seconds, but everyone is staring at him still, and just to make them stop he picks up his fork and starts mixing up the salad, so the dressing’s more easily dispersed, and taking a bite.

(if he eats his salad first, it’s almost like he’s the only person who ordered something during the salad and soup course, and that—that isn’t rude, refusing to eat that would mean that a waiter wouldn’t come to clear it away and everyone would have to wait longer for their food, so eating that quickly was polite, so there!)

he manages to make eating his salad last until everyone else’s food gets there, and so, cringing only slightly, licks off his fork and uses the same one to eat his pasta. when he’d first asked for an extra fork, virgil had asked if his had fallen on the ground, and he said, “no, you just forgot to give me a salad fork,” and virgil had laughed for about ten seconds before saying “oh, you’re serious?”

he can practically feel his etiquette teacher entering death throes at the faintest whiff of what he’s doing right now—well, if everything else patton had already done wouldn’t have killed her first.

he digs into his pasta a moment after meredith takes a bite out of her french dip.

everyone eats slowly; patton stays mostly quiet, listening as attentively as he can, as they reminisce about family times past, laughing at jokes when he understands them, passing condiments when necessary.

so he listens and learns things. it turns out annabelle’s a pediatric nurse, and silas installs and repairs electrical power lines. esther’s food-themed nickname is pumpkin and silas’ is peanut, and meredith and mark spend a solid minute attempting to debate one for annabelle, now that she’s just about part of the family. apparently, the danes’ do a big breakfast-for-dinner thing on christmas, which sounds delicious, frankly, and patton should not be sad about the slim-to-none chance of them having something apple-tart-adjacent being snatched away, it was absurd to even privately hope for it anyway. it turns out that that tone wasn’t just a silas thing, wasn’t just how silas talked, it’s just how silas talks when he talks to patton ; he seems quiet, like virgil, and patton guesses virgil’s dad, which is fine, of course, it’s more than fine, but—but what did patton do? he didn’t say anything mean to him, he wasn’t rude, he was just—he’s just patton.

well. it’s not like silas is the first person to dislike patton just because of who he is. and it’s not like people usually tell him the reasons why, other than the transphobic ones.

other than that—which really patton should have seen coming, honestly, he’s him, sideshire had been too good to be true, it’s almost a sign that patton hasn’t exited reality now that someone sees and acts like he's unlikeable again, a near-comforting return to earth—the dinner’s really nice. annabelle and esther are an adorable, lovely couple, and mark and meredith are welcoming, which he knew already, and even silas is kind of funny—a little like virgil, but virgil’s funnier than silas, and virgil’s much less acidic about it.

when patton moves to stretch his back, he can’t help but notice that the diner’s practically empty. it’s just them, and a few workers, and virgil at the register, punching some order or other in. the family starts drifting slowly out, and logan, of course, starts crying, so patton says his goodbyes and bears logan away to the bathroom to see if he needs anything. 

it turns out he’s hungry, and patton hates the prickle of unease he feels in his stomach, every time. he’d read books, articles, and so many talked about the joy of feeding your baby, and the joyful bonding with your baby, and yes, there are parts of it patton likes—the way logan seems to reach for him, relaxing in his arms, the opportunity to sit down alone with logan and just be with him, and to be sure that he’s well-fed and happy. that stuff, patton likes.

it’s all the rest of it—the technical, practical, actual stuff that tends to come with feeding logan—that patton really strongly heavily dislikes. which he feels terrible about, and then feels terrible that he feels terrible, and it’s this terrible, terrible cycle. 

so patton tries his best to focus on the parts he likes, and not the aspects of dysphoria that nearly crush him, he tries, he really does, but it’s hard.

but he does it. and he breathes a sigh of relief when it’s all done, the way he always does, before he walks around and burps logan and makes sure they’re both all settled in and ready to present themselves to society, the routine ending parts that he uses to redirect his thoughts and not think about top dysphoria.

patton’s about to turn the corner to walk back into the diner, where silas is the only one left at the table, knotting his scarf around his neck, except—except there’s a shadowy figure looming at the door, and then the person walks in.

he’s never even seen this person before and frankly, there’s a lot to look at. sure, he doesn’t know everyone at sideshire, but complete and total strangers that he’s never even seen before have been rarer and rarer.

this man, he would have remembered.

though he doesn’t look very old, he’s got a strong white streak in his hair that patton isn’t entirely sure is dye. he has a mustache, too, one of the ones that an old-timey villain strapping some poor damsel to the train tracks would have, and bags under his eyes that might even rival virgil’s. but what really makes him stand out is the outfit.

he’s wearing a velvet-y looking tophat, black with a moldy green ribbon wound around the base of it, sitting jauntily slanted on his head, like it’s about to fall off. the ribbon matches his moldy green, velvety suit jacket that he’s wearing over a t-shirt that patton’s pretty sure says art thou nasty? in that old-timey, blackletter font that’s always in storybooks. he’s also wearing overalls, or maybe just really high-waisted pants with matching suspenders, patton can’t tell, with an eyewatering hawaiian-shirt type pattern in too-neon oranges and greens. and heeled boots, with a curled toe, the kinds elves are always shown wearing in santa’s workshop.

if his fashion sense is always like that, patton really would have remembered seeing him.

silas, on the other hand, looks like he definitely knows who this man is—he almost bares his teeth in a kind of snarl, which the man doesn’t notice.

“oh, virgil!” the man trills in a nasally, somewhat unpleasant voice, and virgil peeks in from the kitchen.

“remus, hey, man,” virgil says. “we’re closing up, so food’s probably out of the question, but i could get you some coffee or someth—“

“can’t a man see his old buddy, old chum?” the man—remus, patton guesses—says, with a twirl of his hand.

“i mean, i guess,” virgil says. “why... now, though?”

remus grins, and turns in his seat to wiggle his fingers at silas with a near-flirtatious wink. silas looks like he’s fuming.

“yeah,” virgil comments. “okay, i see your point.”

remus turns back in his chair, and, in the process, locks eyes with patton, who’s just—he doesn’t know why he isn’t walking out into the diner, but now they’re in the middle of a conversation and it would be awkward— and winks again, before turning his attention fully back to virgil.

“ anyway,” remus says. “today, i bring forth the news that pregnancy is, quite possibly, one of the most disgusting things to happen to the human body and i am enamored with the concept.”

“you’re telling me this on the day before christmas eve?” virgil says.

“seriously, i mean, think about it,” remus says. “your body thinks that thing is a parasite. you pee yourself a little when you even sneeze. your nose can just start bleeding out of nowhere, like you’re possessed or something! isn’t that awesome?”

“not for pregnant people, i’m sure,” virgil says.

“puking, rashes, random lines appearing all over your body, drooling and hemorrhoids and weird ankle swelling, and you can see the baby moving under your belly like it’s about to be a chestburster from alien, ” remus rattles off happily. “did you know that the whole start to giving birth is losing your mucus plug? that even sounds nasty!”

“man, rem, if only you could get pregnant to have all these joyous experiences,” virgil says, with the expression that makes it seem like he’s heard monologues like this before and that this is not, even in the slightest, a weird occurrence for this man.

“well, with my help, isadora is, and that’ll have to be good enough,” remus says.

patton’s never seen virgil’s jaw drop before. it’s kinda funny.

“i,” virgil says, and, clearly looking for something to say, mouth moving with words he’s trying to articulate, but he can only say “ what?”

remus tosses something like he’s throwing confetti, and patton recognizes the familiar filmy texture of a sonogram as it flutters through the air, landing on the counter with a crinkling noise as it folds on impact.

“it’ll be three months on the seventh, so she’s finally cleared off her threats of practicing very elaborate knife tricks on me so i can start telling people now,” remus says. “and i am telling everyone. everything. about pregnancy. it is so gross. it’s practically seven novels worth of gross. i can’t believe people just walk around pretending like it’s all pregnancy glow and gentle little kicks and slightly odd cravings, people can crave lead and babies can break ribs, you know?”

virgil slowly picks up the prints, paging through them, and he shakes his head in disbelief.

“that is either going to be the weirdest baby on the face of the planet, or the most terrifyingly disciplined one, and i can’t figure out which idea freaks me out more,” he admits.

“yes, isadora thought the combination of our genes would be a gamble, but frankly it is a gamble i was very willing to make,” remus says. 

“you’re having a baby,” virgil repeats, and lets out a disbelieving laugh. “holy shit, man, you’re having a kid. congratulations.”

remus grins. patton isn’t sure if that’s his “i’m very happy” smile or what, but he looks... just slightly deranged. maybe that’s just his face, though, patton shouldn’t be passing judgment.

“so. that’s what i wanted to tell you.”

“yeah, good thing you did,” virgil says. “wow. a kid .”

a pause, before virgil continues, “i feel like i should get you something—you want coffee, on the house? that’s about the most i can do right now, i don’t have champagne or anything.”

“with mayonnaise and orange soda, remember.”

patton nearly pukes. god, he hopes he means all of that separately.

“how could i possibly forget, you absolute freak of nature,” virgil says, and he sounds fond. “i’ll be right back.”

a brief pause as virgil vanishes into the kitchen.

“fuck you,” silas says.

“aw, honeyface, you say the nicest things,” remus says, “i know you’re straight, you know i’m gay, but even i have to draw a line at fucking the tedious big brothers of my friends. i mean, look at you. you’re just too vanilla for me, sweetiebear, you couldn’t handle all this without your mind melting out of your ears like jell-o with fruit inside.”

patton’s nose wrinkles at that mental picture. ick.

“you know what i mean, you psychopath,” silas says. “stay away from my brother.”

“oh, but he wants me here, si,” remus says.

“don’t call me that.”

“—i mean, at least i’m his friend, you couldn’t get along with virgil if your life depended on it,” remus says, almost amused. “doesn’t that just frustrate you, si? don’t you want to put those big, strong hands of yours around his neck and choke him, you get so angry?”

“shut up,” silas snarls.

“you can tell me to shut up all you like, but i never will,” remus says, grinning, and he definitely looks more than slightly deranged. “i know you’ve thought about it, si, you must have, or are you forgetting those times he’d show up to me with a bloody nose and i’d come up with a plan?”

“we were—we were fucking kids, that’s not—“

“oh, it’s not the same,” remus simpers. “it’s not the same, anymore, of course it’s not, you’re both big boys, i bet your brain has gone into those big boy scenarios. what do you think would work best?”

patton shrinks further and further behind the doorway, a mounting sense of horror growing with remus’ every word.

“knife, do you think? it’d be ironic if you killed him in his own diner, with his own knife. or maybe you just nudge him the wrong way and he trips on down the stairs and just a tiny little broken bone in exactly the right place, that’s all it would take. or—“

“i’m not killing my brother,” silas says. “i want you to stay the fuck away from him.”

“oh, of course not you’re not killing your brother, si,” remus says. “but i bet you want to kill me. that’d keep me away for a very... long... time , wouldn’t it?”

a silence looms, so great and so dense that even patton, who isn’t even involved in the conversation, feels like he’s being crushed under the weight of it. patton holds his breath, and clings to logan, praying that he doesn’t wake up and start crying and draw attention to where patton is hidden away, where he can see virgil emerging from the kitchen.

virgil pauses, a gently steaming to-go cup in his hand, and surveys the room, where silas stands with shaking fists and remus lounges indolently at the counter. he surveys them for one moment. two.

“sorry, remus,” virgil says quietly, breaking the silence, but not the tension. “i think you better go. but it’s, um. bottom of the pot, near-burned stuff. just like you like it.”

“right, right, closing and then yelling at your brother, i get it,” remus says, swiping the to-go cup and taking an experimental sip and sighing exaggeratedly. “you’re good to me, v. it’s absolutely horrific. merry christmas, happy hanukkah, jocund kwanzaa, mirthful yule, blithe saturnalia, all that jazz. i’ll sacrifice a goat for you.”

“even after all these years, i can never tell if you’re joking,” virgil says.

“and,” remus says, with a doff of his cap before he puts it on, just as crooked as before, “you never shall. ta-ta, honeyface, bye, shmoopsie-pudding, call me up if you ever want death via hookup!”

he jumps in the air, clicks his heels, and twirls his way out the door.

well , patton thinks. that’s certainly a first impression.

and there’s that silence again, before—

“what the fuck is he doing here.”

“you heard him, silas, he’s gonna have a kid,” virgil says, sounding exhausted. “he wanted to tell me.”

“does he come around often?”

“yeah, shocker, he comes to one of three places to eat in town sometimes,” virgil says. “leave it.”

“am i supposed to leave it when you start breaking windows at doose’s grocery again?” silas retorts, and patton blinks.

virgil’s jaw works, for a few seconds, before he says, “remus is my friend. did we do dumb shit? yeah, we did. is it any of your business? no, so—”

“it’s my business, you’re my brother,” silas snaps. “this was mom and dad’s diner, i’m not going to let you ruin it—“

“i’m not going to fucking ruin it, i’ve been running it just fine on my own—“

“—if you keep talking with him, you are going to ruin it, you ruin everything,” silas bites out.

virgil removes the towel on his shoulder and throws it down on the counter furiously. “i didn’t realize we were seven again, si—”

“don’t call me—”

“—i’m running the diner well, it’s going fine, and just because you’re bitter that i happen to like my job and you hate yours—”

“—you’re going to ruin it, like you ruined mom and dad when you were acting like you did with him—”

“i did not ruin mom and dad,” virgil says sharply. “do they seem ruined, to you?”

“—they were worried about you all the fucking time, because they knew when you’d get home you’d have some other shit that you got into because you just surround yourself with bad people—“

“—you included, apparently,” virgil mutters, not quite under his breath.

“and that kid that’s coming to christmas now?”

virgil tenses; patton draws back further into the shadows, praying and praying and praying that logan will stay asleep.

“what’s his fucking deal, then?” silas snaps. “how old is he, fifteen, and he’s got a baby? i mean, jesus christ, could he not stop to think for five seconds?”

patton swallows, hard, staring at his own feet.

“shut up, silas.”

“what, is he like, the teenage version of remus, now? god, poor kid. poor remus’ kid, seriously, there should be a ban on people like that procreating—“

“i said,” virgil says, looking angrier than patton’s ever seen him, “shut the fuck up, silas. he’s a good kid, he needs help, what kind of shit are you going through to push your issues with remus onto him ?”

“i mean, seriously,” silas says. “where are his fucking parents? did they kick him out because he was too weird, like remus’ should have, or is he just running from town to town, because his parents saw through all of that and he didn’t want to face—“

“get the fuck out.”

silas stops. “what did you just say?”

“i said,” virgil says, “get the fuck out, silas.”

“you can’t do that,” silas says, “you aren’t the boss of me.”

“no, maybe not,” virgil says. “but i’m the boss of here. it’s my name on the building and the lease, so it’s pretty within my rights to tell you to get the fuck out.”

silas hesitates.

“do you need me to come out from behind here and throw you out?” virgil barks, and silas sneers, grabbing his coat and throwing it on, before walking out with a much angrier jangle of the bell, and the slam of the door.

virgil plants his hands flat on the counter and bows his head, taking a deep breath in, holding it, and letting it out. again. again.

“i know you’re there, patton,” he calls wearily, and patton flinches. 

“i’m not mad at you,” virgil continues. “you can come out, it’s okay.”

patton chews his lip, before, sheepishly, he shuffles out into the diner.

“how much of that did you hear?”

patton chews his lip more, shifts his hold on logan. “...snippets.”

“all of it, then,” virgil says, and patton sighs.

“just from, um. the man—remus?—coming in.”

“okay, yeah, all of it,” virgil says, and rubs a hand over his eyes. “ shit. i was hoping si wouldn’t do that this year, i thought distance would help. i’m sorry he dragged you into it.”

“i mean, it’s—“ patton says, and he frowns. “i mean, it isn’t okay, but—“

“yeah, it’s not okay,” virgil says. “christ, i’m so sorry.”

“it’s not your fault,” patton says.

“i mean, seriously, him assuming stuff about your situation was so not okay, on so many levels, and i just—“

“it’s not your fault,” patton repeats, because he really doesn’t want to think about it. 

“i just—“ virgil rubs a hand over his eyes. “ god. silas has always hated remus, and, i mean, the rest of my family didn’t like him but at least they were polite about it, and—”

“why?”

“why what?”

“why didn’t they like remus,” patton elaborates.

virgil hesitates, before he sighs, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “it’s kind of a long story.”

“i mean,” patton says, and tugs over the baby carrier before he settles logan inside, “we’re friends, right? friends can tell each other long stories.”

virgil hesitates, surveying his face, before he sighs. “yeah, all right. you should probably know in case it comes up tomorrow slash on christmas, anyway.”

patton hops up onto the barstool, eager to leave the part of silas and virgil’s argument about him and his situation behind.

“uh, well,” virgil says. “god, okay. um. so, you know i have anxiety.”

“right.”

“i wasn’t—“ he sighs, runs his hand through his hair. “i wasn’t in the best place, i guess, i was... i was lashing out a lot, or isolating myself, and my parents are saints, you know, but i mean—i don’t blame them for kind of losing it with me, sometimes? they had five kids, and the diner, and me saying rude sh—stuff, right, the baby, sorry—me saying rude stuff and refusing to make peace and just ignoring them every day couldn’t have been easy, you know?

“so, to make a long story a little shorter, i ended up kind of... identifying with outsiders, you know? and there’s no bigger outsider in sideshire than remus duke, so that’s who i hung out with. he’s older than me, by a few years, but he never—i mean, he never held that over my head, like silas did sometimes, and i’d tell him things, and he never really seemed to judge me for it. 

“he was... well, you saw him, you heard him. he’s a strange guy. and sure, sometimes the stuff remus would do would scare me, but—but he was a good guy, deep down, you know? he helped me. the whole, like, being an outsider thing, and then kind of waking up to everything that i could do that would be way worse than, say, running a diner, it helped, in a really weird way, but—but i did some stupid stuff.”

“you were like me,” patton realizes quietly.

“not exactly,” virgil hedges. “i walked the line of juvenile detention a lot more than you, tagging and graffiti and egging houses and that kind of thing, but—but yeah. i can sympathize with doing stuff that might not be the best for you when you’re a hurting teenager.” 

there’s a pause, before virgil clears his throat and says, “anyway. it's not like silas and remus ever got along, but it got way worse after i became friends with him, i think silas got it into his head that remus was influencing me, or peer-pressuring me, or that i’m just a bad person instead of someone who made some mistakes, and he’s just held a grudge about it since. so.”

patton has the feeling he’s getting the shortest possible version of the story, with almost all the details cut out, but. he thinks he gets it. 

“and now your family doesn’t like him because... because you did that stuff?”

“yeah, essentially,” virgil says. “or, well. they think i’ve grown up, and they think remus hasn’t.”

well—patton doesn’t think they’re wrong. goading silas while virgil’s outside of earshot didn’t seem like the most mature thing to do, but.

“i think i get it,” patton says. “i mean—you aren’t doing stupid stuff now, so. it’s not a crime to be friendly with someone.”

“yeah, exactly,” virgil says. “ exactly. remus is a good enough guy when you get to know him, when his kid’s born i could introduce you and logan, since i guess they’d be in the same grade, and i just— god , silas is such a word i can’t say in front of the baby sometimes, you know?”

patton nods, and it’s like it sets loose the floodgates. virgil rants about silas (”mom and dad say it’s because we’re both too alike, but god , the things he says sometimes i’d never even dream of saying to a person’s face, you know?”) and the various arguments they’ve had over the years, and how virgil gets along with his siblings, most of the time, but there’s just something about silas that’s always gotten under his skin, and vice versa, and silas had always been a bit more sporty than he had and so when virgil hit his growth spurt late it almost seemed like silas was disappointed they couldn’t get away with “childish rough-housing” anymore, and silas didn’t like his job, everyone in the family knew that, but seriously if it was getting this bad to the point where he’s being this mean (well, virgil said a different word, and then said, “sorry, right, the baby, sorry!”) then it may well have been worth it just to quit, even if there wasn’t a paycheck waiting for him, and virgil loves him because he’s his brother but if they weren’t brothers, virgil really doesn’t know how he’d feel about him, he really doesn’t, and—

“god, patton, i’m sorry,” virgil says. “i’m so sorry.”

patton blinks. “sorry for what?”

“well, for dumping all of this on you, and it’s so late, and you’re—y’know, you’re having a rough time as is, i shouldn’t be adding to that by—“

“virgil, stop,” patton says quietly. “i mean—i’m kind of glad that you’re ranting like this.”

virgil stops. “you are?”

“yeah,” patton says. “i mean, i—i dunno, this might be weird, but everyone’s been treating me so nice. which isn’t bad, of course it isn’t, but hearing about someone else’s problems and being talked to about them, it—it makes me feel more like a person and less like a charity case, you know?”

virgil considers this.

“i don’t know, maybe it’s weird, and it’s just a me thing,” patton says quickly, looking off to the side, away from that contemplative gaze.

“no, no, i think i get it,” virgil says. “it’s... taking your mind off things. letting you focus on something else.”

patton lets out a breath of relief. “yeah. yeah, exactly.”

“and there’s a lot to keep your mind off of,” virgil says, and patton looks down, guilty, chewing his lip.

“what?” virgil says.

“i just—” patton chews his lip. “no, it’s not your problem. i should be able to handle it just fine.”

“i,” virgil begins, looking concerned, before he says, “you’re sure?”

“yeah, i’m—i’m sure,” patton says. he’s trying to figure out if he wants to be emancipated or not. that kind of shows that he should be independent, right? he shouldn’t go around putting all of his problems on other people. they’re his problems.

“okay,” virgil says. “just—this whole ranting to each other thing is a two-way street, you know.”

“one you haven’t crossed until tonight,” patton says, and leans to pick up logan. “no, it’ll be okay. i should probably get back to the inn anyways, it’s late.”

“do you want me to walk you back?”

“no, no, that’s okay,” patton says. “um. thanks for dinner and stuff tonight, and—and for the whole family christmas thing tomorrow. i’m looking forward to it.”

“well,” virgil says. “good. i’m glad. and i’ll try to have a word with silas about not being a jerk to you.”

“i appreciate it,” patton says, walking slowly back to the door. “um. night, v.”

“night, pat. night, logan,” he adds, and patton opens the door and lets it shut behind him.

where are his fucking parents? did they kick him out because he was too weird, like remus’ should have, or is he just running from town to town, because his parents saw through all of that and he didn’t want to face—

god, patton, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry, for dumping all of this on you, and it’s so late, and you’re—y’know, you’re having a rough time as is, i shouldn’t be adding to that by—

and there’s a lot to keep your mind off of.

there is. there is a lot to keep his mind off of. he has a colicky infant. even with a paycheck, patton’s funds are rapidly depleting and he should have started paying attention to his finances sooner. he broke up with his boyfriend (?) his childhood best friend, the closest thing he thinks he’s ever had to love (he loved christopher, he loves him, and now—) he ran away. his emancipation. his parents’ reaction to both of those things. seeing his parents again. will he see his parents again? what’s he going to do about school? what’s he going to be about logan’s school? his body is an absolute nightmare of dysphoria—he can’t bind down his chest for at least four more months, if not longer, and he knows that feeding logan is supposed to be a time for bonding but patton can hardly bring himself to look most of the time, tries to do it in the dark when he can, and his bodyweight is all out of whack and his appetite comes and goes and he’s only just stopped bleeding and thank goodness it’s done now but god, no one had warned him that he’d be bleeding for so long after giving birth. he’s achy and exhausted and sometimes when logan starts crying and keeps crying in the middle of the night patton will cry right with him, sobbing even as he tries to bounce logan into calming down, and—

—and there’s a lot to keep his mind off of. but virgil—god, not for one second, not for one second was virgil one of the things he was worried about hurting him. he never would be. the rest of his life, though...

he wonders, bleakly, how many minutes of sleep he’ll get tonight between the colicky baby and the stomach-churning guilt.

[looongcat]

Ozmafia Thoughts

I posted a whole thing on my main but now that I’m using this blog for all things otome, I figured I would try to organize my thoughts because i have so many thoughts.

This is not spoiler free! But I try to label some of the major spoilers.

Caramia

Caramia is the don of the oz family, and it’s his duty to protect his territory, the people who live in his territory, and to sign papers for stuff? Man’s is always signing papers for mafia reasons :) I knew from the start that he would be my favourite. I just love a guy who’s nice. Call me basic, but I just love a man who wants me to be happy and takes cares of me? I love feeling like someone cares about me! He’s also a great cook, and who doesn’t love delicious food? Idk how to explain how I feel about caramia, I liked his personality but I didn’t love his story? I really felt like there was some distance between Caramia and Fuka, like he was in a whole nother world from her. Which you do get to chose whether she’s happy he’s in charge or like she feels lonely. I did however really liked his transfer routes. I did the axel to caramia transfer first, and I felt like it wasnt clear that they slept together, but after I did caramia to axel and I got hit with that axel CG! Anyways, I liked the transfer routes.

Kyrie

I knew I would hate this guy so much. I’m just not interested in a guy who’s a fucking tease. Like he openly admits that he likes it when you’re upset. Like I do not want that TYVM. I found him kinda tolerable in his transfer routes however, probably because he does have to try and make Fuka happy in order to get Fuka to break up with her boyfriend. He really said break up with your bf i’m bored! Also I felt it was kinda weird that he was paying for Fuka’s br*th*l visits. I think its kinda weird that he introduced her to it, and was like encouraging it. ESPECIALLY*** (major super duper spoiler here what will be censored lol) if he thought she was *****

I saw some people argue that he might not actually love fuka, but I think that one transfer route ending, kinda shows that he really does love her IYKYK. but i’m so sus about that ending where he becomes a dumbass, i really think this bitch is faking it! I do not believe him for a second!

Axel

I quite like Axel. I personally don’t mind when a guy is at this level of over protectiveness. Plus as I have mentioned, i just love it when a cold guy is soft for you. I absolutely adore that shit (like when he ask Fuka to treat him as an equal and drop the honorifics? that shit gets me T_T)  He also gets extremely jealous very easily, which becomes an area of conflict for him and Fuka and it is up to you whether you wanna forgive him or move onto another guy. Personally, I would forgive him. I would talk to him about it! But I could understand being in your first relationship and not being able to handle your emotions. I think Axel is quite sweet, and he just wants the best for fuka, which is cute.

Scarlet 

IDK how I feel about Scarlet, specifically the part where he straight up states he’s a minor! Like what’s up with that? Why couldn’t he be older? However, I did really enjoy his route. It’s super cute and slow burn-y and nothing romantic actually happens probably because he is a minor. Scarlet is kind, resourceful, caring lol. We always love a guy who’s trying his best to keep the peace among everyone, while still providing for his family.

His route also has a bit of plot. It shows what hamelin was like prior to a specific event that you learn about in robin hood. I dont have a specific order that I think this game should be played but it might be interesting to maybe play scarlet’s route after robin hood.

Caesar

As I’ve said before, I don’t mind a man who’s trynna kill me. Idk what’s up with that LOL. Well maybe I like how you can see them change from wanting to kill you to not...wanting to kill you. One thing I remember liking about Caesar was that he usually called you a woman, as opposed to a girl. Which made me feel a lot better, will elaborate more on that later. I think even though he stayed harsh to her the whole time, I liked how you could see he was slowly falling/becoming whipped for fuka. Like the comedy of him wearing that dumb cloak so y’all could watch the stars together. Or like him working at Soh’s restaurant because he had to earn the money, and not just take Soh’s money. Like I loved that! Plus the ending where he isn’t accepted but he keeps pulling dumb stunts just to see you is v cute lol.

Soh

Idk how to talk about Soh without major spoilers. Soh is so sweet. I like how he’s always striking up conversations with Fuka in all the routes, which is probably good for her, considering almost everyone else is pretty wary of her existence. I honestly liked his route and I guess that's all I can say.

*big spoilers* I know most people don’t like Soh, cause he’s the reason for all things bad LOL. Yes he’s using/deceiving Fuka the whole time, but its not like he drugged Fuka or kept Fuka captive lol. Like most of the time he’s trying to keep her safe, and trynna make her happy, even if its probably so he could gain her trust or something. I also feel like his route was kinda him giving up his grand plan, and wanting to run away and be happy with Fuka, which obviously doesnt happen. Idk i liked that he ultimately treated her right.

Pashet

What’s up with otome games giving you a girl option but not the option to actually romance the girl? Her route was fine, and the friendship that builds between Fuka and her is fine. Sorry that’s a little salty lol. I actually thought this route was really cute. I have my reservations about Fuka being in romantic relationships, so it actually was kinda nice to see her make an actual friend without catching feels. Female friendships are absolutely underrated and I’m glad Fuka was actually able to make a friend who is looking out for her best interest.

Hamelin

I usually try not to use kiss cgs but this is the only couple cg and I like using couple cgs. So sorry if this is spoiler-y to you. But how do I feel about Hamelin... you know what I very much liked him. His route is so short and it’s kinda a secret ending. In that sense his route is a little unsatisfying. It’s kinda unclear how Fuka could love him in that short amount of time... but she does. Hamelin is hard to describe because he’s so different in all the other routes. He’s kinda the main villain in most of the routes, aside from his own. You get to see a little bit more of his personality in Scarlet’s route. I genuinely think he is a good guy, and was trying his best! That’s all you can really ask of anyone right?

*slight spoiler* I’m so sad he didn’t get a redemption? You find out why he did the things that he did, and he just... doesn’t get anything? He like doesn't even appear? Just gone into the abyss. I wish Fuka and him could have gotten a happier ending, since their ending isn’t really... happy

Dr Crow

I do not like Robin Hood. Isn’t Robin Hood about stealing from the rich? Like... why is this man treating everyone the same? Why is this man even apart of the upper class? Okay to keep this brief and spoiler free lol. Dr. Crow here is the town’s doctor. He treats everyone the same regardless of what family they are from. In his eyes you are his patient and his goal is to heal you. He’s quite elegant and seems really dependable and then he hits you with some REDACTED

*spoiler & TW for drugging* Fuck this guy. I think what’s worse is that he did not have to drug fuka, she would have gone along with whatever he wanted probably. I’m guessing he did it so she would be in deep sleep. But still, ew gross. How you gonna love your wife and do that. This man is out for revenge and I dont like it.

Manboy/Dorian/Alfani

I barely like Manboy. Honestly I never heard of Dorian Gray before playing this so I was v confused (and if you heard of it then you probably will be more prepared than I was). I actually played this route really early on because i thought it might be funny. It is in fact not at all funny and I was not okay after finishing it. I am a little glad I got it out of the way though, if I left this for like last I would have been v upset and it probably would have ruined the game for me lol. I do kinda wanna replay the route now that I know about Dorian but idk.. i still hate this route so idk if I really will.

If you don’t know anything like me, this is the br*thel route. Manboy works there more as like a receptionist? Dorian Gray is the ringleader, and there’s Alfani who’s the male escort. Feel free to wikipedia Dorian Gray before trying this route. Not to spoil the story but TW you also get drugged in this route too.

Overall Thoughts

I feel lukewarm about ozmafia. In one aspect I like how each route was different and how the different endings actually like split off. I also enjoyed how there wasn’t necessarily a good ending and a bad ending, they were just different endings. Obviously in some routes, one ending is better than the other, and also in others neither endings are great lol. I also quite enjoyed the transfer routes, it felt different, innovative, like ozmafia really tried something there! And the replay ability, the game adds extra scenes that provide more insight towards what the love interest is thinking, which makes replaying to get the other endings very enjoyable. There also an extra scene before each ending, so you could also replay the same ending too. I really went into ozmafia with like zero expectations, and i was both surprised and underwhelmed? I dont think thats the right word.

*MAJOR SPOILERS* There’s this really great video essay called born sexy yesterday, that really explains why I felt slightly uneasy about the whole story. If you think about it Fuka has amnesia, she’s mentally a child but here she in engaging in adult activities with grown ass men ._. and I know I said I liked the transfer routes, but that was before I found out that Fuka is literally a 10 year old in an “adult” body. LIKE WHEN I SAW DOROTHY I WAS LIKE WHO TF LET THIS INFANT READ DORIAN GRAY? Anyways the fact that dorothy is literally like 10 years old, did not sit well with me. Yknow this story is about wizard of oz, so I did have a feeling Fuka was dorthy, BUT WHEN ISAW HER SPRITE, girl i had to look up dorthy’s age and apparently shes somewhere between 8 and 12. So, throughout the game it was a bit uncomfortable because I did feel like Fuka was mentally a child but I kinda justified it as well she lost her memories, so she’s a blank slate like a child, maybe she’ll mature up with memories but uhhh, that’s just not going to happen.

So there are my thoughts. I thought Ozmafia was really different from other otome games because of how each character got their own story, and the transfer routes felt so innovative, as well as adding the extra scenes in the second playthrough! But there’s some bad born sexy yesterday vibes that make me not okay with it. I would recommend the game though. There’s so much content, it took me like a week to finish it all. Plus the art is quite nice.

[mrsmess]

Faves and fails of SPN (season 13):

Favorite episodes in chronological order:

13:1 Lost and found - This is a very strong start of the season, might be one of the strongest intro episodes since the early seasons. Jack is actually instantly likeable, and apart from Dean shooting first and asking questions... kinda never, the boys do good. I also like the side characters, they make it clear that this could’ve been so much worse if some shitty people were first on the scene.

13:3 Patience - Loretta! Brought back from season 1 to die instantly. Oh wow. The SPN-way. But at least I dig the story. And Jody is here. And Sam is sweet to Jack. I’m fine.

13:4 The big empty - Cass is in the upsidedown. Jack goes hunting. Incidently, this discrepancy between the brothers is the kind I can get behind because it’s based on something real - a new family member, the loss of another, not some abstract drama where one of them lets their fear get the better of them and creates drama w/o even talking to the other. Spooky space entity in the big empty. Misha Collins, everyone! Nice. A kind shapeshifter. ”Even monsters can do good in this world.” Dean communicating sincerely. ”I need you to keep the faith, for both of us.” Cass - An angel so annoying that the big empty itself spat him back out.

13:5 Advanced Thanatology - honestly the brothers, loving them extra much this season, even when they argue. Hung-over Dean. Fun. Killing yourself for three minutes... Jeez, have you learned nothing ? No? Oh ok. It’s just a little death. And Sam’s reaction is more exhasperated than anything, it’s... funny. And then: ”I saw Cass kill you!” Yeah, like that matters. Also nice that the show finally ties up that whole how-do-people-die-w-no-death-thing.

13:6 Tombstone - STOP using ”but you died” as an excuse why people shouldn’t be back! Coming back from the dead isn’t just reserved for the Winchesters you know! Team free will 2.0. Nice! ”He’s an angry sleeper, like a bear” *spits out coffee* are you trying to kill me?! ”It’s good to have you back, Cass” to be constantly baffled by you. Jeez, the cringe! And the undertaker! Looking like a retro pinup crossed w Rosie the riveter! What a treat. Dean being a fanboy (and oh technically, couldn’t this obsession with cowboy-criminals count as a true crime -fad? No? Oh well.) Dean crawling through the ghoul-paths, referencing Die Hard. Good episode. Dean forgiving Jack. Sweet. Too bad Jack’s having none of it. They *have* raised a Winchester.

13:7 War of the worlds - a torture scene is the quickest way for me to start rooting for whoever is being tortured. Even Lucifer. Hey, and it’s also the quickest way to end up- if not on the fail list, then at least off the fave list. Oh, Ketch is back. Gun, mouth, now. Noooo, a twin! Shoot me twice. Fail list. Can’t be helped. Lucifer coming to Castiel’s rescue and burnin the brothers ”with their second-guessing and whining.” And Asmodeus showing up. Luci being sassy. Oh gods. Not an evil twin. I’m changing my mind, it stays on the fave list- what’s going? Oh I know: it’s an entire season of a soap crammed into one Supernatural episode. All the soap-tropes. It’s hysterical!

13:8 The scorpion and the frog - Dean insulting Smash’s excellent shoes. I rly don’t think you are in a position to criticize anyone’s wardrobe. Smash and Grab are funny. And the setting is too. And the brothers are really excellently cast in their roles in this heist: Sam as the awkward nerd and Dean as Mr TCB. Dean putting his hand into the bocca della verita! Sam: ”Dean! He’s immortal!” Dean: *knocks Shrike out*. Oh Dean. ”I just had an idea, but it’s a little crazy.” ”I’m good with crazy.” Crazy’s the only game in town. The Winchesters and the curveballs. Rolling Shrike in front of them. Brilliant! Good ending. But Sam! You know how to kill anything but you don’t know that you don’t blow on a burning piece of paper to put it out? .... *shrugs* that actually makes sense.

13:9 The bad place - instantly liking this artist. Crazy about the premise 3 minutes in. And very upset 5 minutes in. Poor Derek! The return of Patience, I’m equally pleased and distraught, stay away, girl! And Kaia! And Dean coming around to Jack. That’s sweet. Jeez, is that a helicopter shot. Hella pretty! Omg! Finally giant monster time! *chills* i have been waiting for this my whole life.

13:10 Wayward sisters - Holy hell. This season has been frickin awesome so far, and now I get all my babies together. Saving Sam and Dean. Finding Kaia. My heart is just full of rainbows.

13:12 Various and sundry villains - Oh no! I liked Dale. See here we are again, using actors from previous seasons: it’s the chick from Twihard and apparently she’s not random enough. Ugh . Oh! So this is a goofy!Dean episode! Those are usually welcome. The setup for this is very annoying though. Thank godess for Rowena! Bringing all the truths. I think I love her. Woah. Killing the girls like that. Harsh. Sam being soft and giving her the spell. I love him.

13:17 The thing - this episode makes me realise there’s not enough tentacles in Supernatural. Gabriel! Back with the boys! I’m so pleased.

13:18 Bring ’em back alive - Charlie! Gabriel! Lucifer! This is just a deeply satisfying episode. On multipel levels. I love the characters standing up for themselves, in different ways. Charlie’s simple line: ”that’s not your call” struck a cord; not everybody chooses to join your fight, some have their own and the right walk away from yours.

13:19 Funeralia - the right amount of silly according to Mr Mess and that counts for something around here. Sam showing genuine remorse at shooting Rowena and Rowena being genuinely upset that he would. I’m moved. And Rowena’s consession. The boys giving Rowena a pep talk! My heart!

Fail episodes in chronological order:

13:11 Breakdown - Donna is always a win, but dark and gritty? And monsters on the internet. Nah. Too much torture porn.

13:22 Exodus - have I mentioned that I don’t watch Supernatural for the post-apocalyptic scenarios? If I’m expected to deal with that type of grit I’m gonna need a whole lot more kissing.

13:13 Devil’s bargain - Ketch’s mere presence is enough to put this episode on the fail list. If he’s gonna be in this show the least he could do is to regrow that beard of his. Also the fact that Lucifer simply cannot chill. Gabriel is back but alas, doesn’t make up for the episode.

Honorable mentions:

Og and Magog are two hoots and a half.

The animators making the brothers equally tall in Scoobynatural. That’s adorable!

Camo-Samo in the final episodes.

Jack saying I love you to Sam in the final episode kinda killed me.

Mediocre mentions:

The rising son - Can tell pretty early that this is gonna bore me, and it does, but any scene with Jack and the boys is good. ”What would Mr Rogers do?” Good question. ”Dean feels like he has to protect everyone.”

Unfinished business - always here for Gabriel/Loki stuff, especially when it involves both Gabriel and Loki. But idk, vengence as a theme... not my favorite. Mary is sweet though.

Beat the devil - Rowena and Gabriel, I’m just so happy. But wtf were they thinking leaving Rowena w Lucifer. That pisses me off. Almost so that I can’t enjoy the reunion of Jack and Sam. Almost.

Summing up:

The shining star of this season is Jack.

It feels a bit like this is what I’ve been waiting for, for the boys to use what they know constructively and practically and personally: when they’ve met people in need of guidence before they’ve ditched them with someone they’ve deemed as more maternal but now they take Jack with them, which allows them both to be big brothers. That’s good.

[hamilton-one-shots]

(I wrote a Sanders Side one shot and, because it’s Thomas’s birthday, I figured I should post it today! 

Based off of this post by @devil-towne)

Patton hummed a tune to himself as he walked down the hallway of the mind palace, something catching his eye. That was funny. He’d passed that hallway so many times before, but this was the first time he remembered seeing a door there. He tilted his head in thought. The other sides would’ve told him if they made a new room, right?

Maybe it was a surprise! Oh, they knew how he loved surprises!

Patton smiled widely and began to step away from the door. After all, he wouldn’t want to ruin it.. But.. He supposed a peek wouldn’t hurt.

No.. That wouldn’t be right. If they didn’t want him to see it, he really shouldn’t..

On the other hand.. If he had an idea what it was, he could make sure he wasn’t too surprised, so he could still thank them. And, besides, maybe they wanted him to see it. After all, a random door basically screamed Patton’s name!

That settled it! He carefully turned the door knob and took the smallest peek inside, his eyes going wide at what he saw.

An open zoo! They really did know how much Patton adored animals!

He squealed to himself and looked around, his smile fading as he saw a far too familiar black cape flowing about.

Deceit... What was he doing there? Actually, it was pretty obvious. He was going to ruin the zoo! Probably put one of his evil spells over the cute animals...

Well, that wouldn’t stand!

Patton opened the door wider and walked in, marching over to Deceit and tapping his shoulder. “Excuse me, mister, but what are you doing here?”

Deceit turned around, his signature grin on his face as he realized it was Patton standing there. “Oh, Morality, I totally heard you coming. You honestly didn’t surprise me one bit.”

“Well, surprised or not, you need to answer my question. What are you up to this time, mister?” he asked sternly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I was going to ask you the same thing. It’s not very moral of you to sneak around in someone else’s space.”

Okay... Now Patton was confused. “What do you mean ‘someone else’s space’?”

The slithery side shrugged a bit before explaining. “Well, you and the rest of the sides have your own room, don’t you?”

“Well.. Yeah..”

Deceit raised an eyebrow. “Oh, it’s clearly not obvious, is it? Ever since Thomas accepted I was a side, albeit a side nobody likes very much, I have been granted the ability to create my own room. So, I took the liberty of giving myself something even more free,” he explained, opening his arms wide to gesture at the space.

The moral side was still a bit confused... “Why would you pick something so... cute?”

“How open minded of you,” Deceit deadpanned. “People can enjoy things, Patton. This isn’t a world where everyone’s personality can be stuffed into a box.”

“Huh.. I’m sorry, I just never took you for the animal loving type. Especially not cute, fluffy animals like these.”

“Well, I supposed you can judge a book by it’s cover, can’t you?”

Patton shrugged, feeling kind of guilty. Deceit wasn’t a very good person, but he supposed the other at least deserved a room if he was an official side.

Deceit cleared his throat, making Patton look up instinctively.

“As much as I... love... having you around,” Deceit began before pointing towards the door.

“Oh, alright. I know when I’m not wanted.” Patton huffed a bit and left the room, wishing he at least got to pet one bunny before he did so.

That night, Patton began making dinner for all of his kiddos when he realized.. Should he make an extra plate for Deceit?.. After all, if he had a room, maybe Patton should-

His thoughts were cut off by Roman zipping into the room, a look of distress on his face as he ran to Logan, who was helping Patton make dinner. Patton helped make dinner with love and Logan helped make sure the tomatoes didn’t get all squishy when they were cut.

“What seems to be upsetting you?” Logan asked, turning away from said tomatoes.

“I found this poor little creature out on my latest quest and I just had to bring it here,” the princely side explained, opening his hands to reveal an injured bird. “I just don’t know how to care for it..”

“Oh. That’s a simple task. Splint it’s wing, put it in a lined box, feed it, and give it water until it can fly home.”

Roman nodded, but looked at the logical side expectantly.

“Yes?”

“How do I do that?!”

“Simple. Splint it’s wing, put it in a lined box, feed it, and give it water until it can fly home.”

Roman sighed, exasperated. “Oh, you are no help! Virgil takes care of his tarantula, perhaps he will tell me.”

Logan pushed up his glasses. “After you made fun of him for it? Who’s to say he won’t feed the bird to his tarantula?”

Patton was surprised at the accusation. “Logan, I’m surprised at you! My little Virgil would never do such a thing. But, Roman... I might know someone who can help... But you’re not going to like it.”

“I’ll do anything for the poor thing to fly again,” Roman assured, stepping towards Patton. “Tell me. Who is this mysterious healer you speak of?” No matter what kind of quest it would take, Roman would make sure that the creature once again was able to live it’s life.

“I would like to see, too. I wonder who has more knowledge than I when it comes to these matters,” Logan said, cleaning his hands.

Patton turned off the stove and did the same before leading them to the new door.

“I’ve never seen this door,” Roman pointed out.

“This door has never been here. What has caused it to appear?” Logan asked.

Patton didn’t respond, knocking on the door instead.

It was only a minute before he received a response, Deceit poking his head through the door. “Yesss?”

“Deceit!” Roman cried out. “I will protect you, my feathered friend!” he shouted as he unsheathed his sword.

“Roman! No, Roman! Put the sword away!” Patton called back, using his outside voice.

“But-”

“Deceit is who I meant. I saw him with a ton of animals earlier, maybe he can help.”

“Oh, no, Patton, I rather like Roman holding his sword to my neck,” Deceit remarked, looking completely unamused.

“Sorry..” Patton helped Roman lower his sword.

“I’m sorry,” Logan began, “but you thought to ask Deceit about animals over letting him take my advice?” he asked, almost looking offended.

Deceit yawned. “Well, if you guys are just going to insult me, might I go back to my own business?”

Patton smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry.. Roman found an injured birdie and I was kinda hoping you can help him take care of the little guy..”

Deceit looked... genuinely surprised. But, seconds later, it morphed into an almost devious look.

“Alright. If Roman can ask for my help, I will assist him in healing the little bird.”

Roman growled, ready to use his sword until Patton put a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on, Princey.. Even a prince can ask for help sometimes.”

And it was a low blow to his ego, but Roman knew Patton was right. He huffed and put down his sword, looking Deceit in his mismatched eyes. “Deceit, will you-”

“Of course I will, just give me a moment,” Deceit interrupted before shutting the door.

Before anyone could react, the door was opened once more and Deceit walked out with a shoebox in hand. “Alright, where shall we do this? The kitchen, perhaps?”

“Uh- Sure,” Roman said, acting like he knew what was happening.

“Splendid.” Deceit walked with the other three sides to the kitchen and sat at the dining table, patting the seat next to him for Roman.

The creative side clenched his teeth and looked at Patton, wondering if he was serious about this. And the way Patton smiled and nodded towards the table said he was.

Roman sighed and joined Deceit at the table, still carefully holding the bird. “Oh, alright.”

“Good.” Deceit opened the box, revealing the fact that it was quite literally made for this situation. The inside was lined with what looked like old shirts and there was a roll of bandages and what looked like a tongue depressor. “Let me see the little guy,” Deceit asked, holding out his hand.

Roman held the bird away defensively and shook his head. He found the bird, it was his responsibility to make sure the little guy was safe.

Deceit sighed. “Roman, I know you don’t trust me, but I can’t help the poor thing when you flinch it away every time I move.”

And, as much as Roman hated to admit it, loathed, in fact, he knew Deceit was right. He sighed and handed the bird over.

“Thank you.” Deceit made quick, but careful, work of putting the bird in a splint, the other sides watching in silence and only being disturbed by Virgil’s late appearance.

“Here we go.. Just one ore wrap around and-”

“Deceit?! What the heck is he doing here and why are you all just standing there?” Virgil asked as he saw the dark side, looking at everyone for an answer.

Patton smiled sheepishly. “It’s a long story.. But Roman found this poor birdie and Deceit was helping Roman take care of it. He’s good with animals.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “Deceit? Good with animals?”

“The truth hurts, doesn’t it?” Deceit remarked. “Now, if you please, I can’t work like this. I need silence to help the poor thing.”

Patton nodded and looked at Virgil. “Can you please be quiet for a teensy second?.. Then you can complain about Deceit all you want.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and dropped himself into a chair, watching Deceit in action. “Well, don’t let me stop you.”

Deceit turned back to the bird and finished the splint before placing the bird in the box.

“What about food or water?” Roman asked. “It is a living creature, after all.”

“True, but the poor thing is far too scared to eat or drink, as one could imagine. That will be tomorrow’s lesson. For now, be careful not to rattle it and tell me if something else goes wrong.” He began to rise to leave, pausing as he heard Virgil stand up suddenly and run out of the room.

“Virgil?” Patton asked, jogging after him. “Where are you going, kidd- Ahh!” He screamed his girlish scream as Virgil came back, holding a small cage against his chest.

The anxious side ground his teeth and held out the cage towards Deceit, looking away in embarrassment. He knew his precious pet tarantula was just molting, he’d done hours and hours of research as soon as it started, but... He just wanted to be sure. “What’s happening to him?”

Deceit hummed in thought and reached for the latch, glancing up at Virgil. “May I?”

“Yeah, whatever...” Virgil grumbled, unlatching the cage for him. “I usually keep him in his terrarium, but I can’t move that whole thing and there’s no way you’re ever going into my room.”

“Yes, because this definitely makes you seem like an irresponsible pet owner,” Deceit said with a small chuckle as he reached in and pulled the tarantula from the cage, resulting in another ear piercing screech from Patton.

“Get it away! Get it away!” he cried out from the other side of the room, clinging to Logan for dear life.

Deceit ignored them and recognized what was happening as soon as the spider curled up in his palm. Well, he recognized what was happening as soon as he saw the big guy, but it wasn’t everyday that he got to hold a tarantula. “He’s just preparing for molting,” Deceit assured. “Some time in a few weeks, he will shed his skin,” he explained as he gently set the creature back in it’s cage. “After that, don’t touch him for at least a week or so, okay?”

Virgil nodded and locked the cage. “I knew that.. And I still hate you.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Deceit said with a shrug, watching Virgil take his pet back to his room before looking at Patton. “Aren’t you his father? If you didn’t want him to have a tarantula, surely he would’ve listened.”

“I let him.. But I made him promise to keep it in his room,” Patton explained as he straightened out Logan’s now rumpled clothing, then his own. “I will make an exception for this, but if I see that thing again, you can bet your hat he’s grounded.”

“Quite. Well, I should be heading back to my room now. You four enjoy your dinner,” Deceit said with a wave before beginning to leave.

“Wait!” Patton called back, making Deceit turn.

Patton smile his dad smile, one full of soft emotion and the intent of caring for someone, anyone who needs it. “Well.. Maybe you can stay for dinner? It must be lonely to eat all by yourself.”

Deceit smiled and turned towards him, gauging whether or not he actually meant it. “Patton... No.”

Patton’s face dropped in surprise before it morphed into one of sadness. “Why not?..”

“Oh, Patton.. I’m not one of you. You know it. The other sides know it. No mount of fluffy animals will ever change that,” he said with a shrug before leaving.

And, for once, Roman couldn’t comment on what a jerk he was. Logan found that it wasn’t time to point out that he was right. Even Virgil, from the top of the stairs, knew Deceit was right.

And so did Patton.

Deceit was a dark side. That’s how they saw him and who knew what would change that.

Deceit had no idea that anything could even change it. If it did, they’d expect him to give up his constant lying, to only use it for good. That just wasn’t him. He wasn’t the worst dark side, that was for sure. But he also wasn’t a light side, either.

As he sat under a tree, birds in his hair, snakes on his arms, and smaller, furrier animals piled in his lap, he knew he was happy that way. Why fix what wasn’t broken?

[hunnywrites]

Arcade Dreams: Chapter Two

Summary: There’s a new girl working at the Palace Arcade and Hawkins’ Family Video. Billy can’t stand her, and the feeling is mutual. No matter what everyone else seems to think.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove/OFC

When Teddi said that she was desperate for cash, she meant it. After she had secured her job at the video store she had driven around Hawkins and applied to literally every place in town that had been hiring. On Thursday night she had gotten a call from one of the lifeguards at the public pool. They were in dire need of some new staff and asked if she’d be willing to help out on Saturday. During the Fall and Winter they taught swimming lessons at the Hawkins High indoor pool, and seeing as Teddi spent most of her time these days around kids she figured she could handle it. 

It was a part time job. Her shift would end in time for her to still make it into the video store and they were paying surprisingly well. It almost seemed too good to be true. But she brushed the feeling off. There was no way she was turning down the cash. Even if the kids in class started vomiting pea soup while their heads spun around. 

She showed up twenty minutes before her shift. It was a habit. Teddi had a problem sitting still and she’d rather look like overzealous than sit in her car and watch the minutes tick by. And thankfully she knew someone she’d be working with. A girl named Heather that she had a few classes with. She was nice, even for being one of the popular girls. “You have no idea how glad I am you’re here,” Heather said with a grateful sigh. She was leading Teddi to a supply closet to find her a suit and whistle. “We’ve been spreading ourselves out pretty thin. I was sitting up there nearly my entire shift yesterday while the guys handled everything else,” she said, nodding to the tall chair that overlooked the pool. “They were running around like headless chickens” she laughed. 

A guy named Freddy had been the one that called Teddi about the job. And Heather had mentioned a girl named Katie would be the one to relieve Teddi at the end of her shift. If there was anyone else, Heather hadn’t mentioned them yet. “Okay, so the girl’s locker room is right over there so you can change. I’m up first on the seat, so I think Freddy is gonna find someone to show you around. He’s handling the only class we have today so you don’t have to worry about that. And training is pretty simple. You’ll catch on in no time, don’t worry.” Heather said with a reassuring smile. 

“Oh yeah, don’t worry about me! I worked at the pool back home for a few summers,” she waved a hand. “You go and I’ll find Freddy. Holler if you need anything.” Teddi assured her. Heather gave a playful salute and walked off to get the gym ready to open and Teddi ducked into the locker room. 

Billy swung the gym door open, removing his sunglasses and tucking them into the front of his crewneck sweater. He gave a short wave to Heather before disappearing into the small room that they had claimed as their break room. Freddy was already there, parked in front of the vending machine as he decided on a snack. “Hey, Hargrove,” he greeted. “I got a favor. We have a new girl starting today. Can you show her around?”

Billy raised an eyebrow. “New girl? When did that happen?” he knew Heather and Freddy had been considering hiring someone new for awhile. Things definitely weren’t as busy as they would be during the summer, but the amount of kids looking for something to do during school break was running them thin. 

“Hired her Thursday. She’s just here for a few hours a day, but it’s when things are busiest. But y’know, don’t go scaring her off huh?” he teased. Billy chuckled. He had to admit, there had been a few girls that had come and gone in the short time since he had been hired. He couldn’t make any promises. 

“Yeah, yeah. I got it. So no testing her on her CPR skills then, huh?” he joked. He pulled his sweater off, throwing it into his duffel bag and tossing it aside. Freddy laughed and shook his head, calling ‘later, dude’ as Billy walked back out to the pool. He froze when he saw the girl’s locker room door swing open and Teddi walk out. Great. Freddy definitely wouldn’t have to worry about him chasing this one off. If anything it would be the other way around. 

Teddi was surprised to see Billy there. She never would have guessed he’d be a lifeguard, or rather anything that dealt with kids. She was also surprised to see how annoyed he looked once he spotted her. Teddi watched as he made his way over with that angry stomp of his, admittedly very confused as to why he seemed so bothered by her. “What are you doing here?” he asked.

Teddi blinked a few times. “Uh...I work here.” she offered, looking down at her swimsuit that read “Hawkins pool lifeguard” like his own. Now it was her turn to look at him like he had grown a second head.

“You work at the video store.” he said with an accusing tone. 

“True. But I needed the extra cash...should I lie and say I’m here to ruin your life? That kinda seems like the answer you’re looking for....” she tilted her head to the side. Billy let out a short huff. Teddi wondered briefly if he was still upset about the night before. After he stormed out, Keith had explained that Billy was somewhat of a ladies man. So the fact that she not only hadn’t been drooling over him, but teased him had probably hadn’t made him too happy. She had to admit it was a little funny though. Men could be so sensitive. 

But Billy didn’t say anything. He simply turned away and stalked off. Teddi paused briefly before rushing to catch up to him. “Are you gonna be the one showing me around?” she asked. He only let out a grunt. “I’ll take that as a yes...is this because of last night? Look, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you-“

Billy let out a harsh laugh. “You really think you could embarrass me?” He asked as he lead her into a laundry room. “I don’t give a shit if some weird girl isn’t into me.” Teddy definitely didn’t miss how defensive his tone was. He was so worked up that he didn’t even bother explaining what they were doing. He just dumped out a basket of dirty towels onto a fold out table and started sorting them. 

Teddi tried to mask the amused look on her face as she watched him. His jaw was clenched tightly as he worked and the tops of his ears were growing red. She joined in to help him sort the different sized towels. “I didn’t-“ 

“I am swimming in pussy-“ he spat. Teddi cut off whatever else he was about to say with a loud snort. Billy looked at her incredulously. What the fuck was up with this chick?

“Did you honestly just say that?” She asked, still snickering. “God, you’re just a regular Prince Charming aren’t you?” 

Billy leaned forward and gave Teddi an accusing look. “What are you, like a lesbian or something?” that for some reason only made Teddi laugh harder. “What the fuck is so funny?” he demanded. 

Teddi shook her head, her laughter dying down. “Nothing. Sorry. It’s just...you think because a girl isn’t all over you that it means she’s a lesbian?” she asked, her laughter bubbling back up again. “No, I’m not a lesbian. I just don’t like assholes.”

Billy scoffed and shook his head. He gathered up a pile of towels and threw them in the wash before grabbing new, clean towels from the dryer and bringing them back to the table. The pair silently began folding towels. Teddi hated it. “...Did your sister like the movies?” she finally asked, fully prepared for more snappy remarks. 

Billy narrowed his eyes at her as if she were speaking another language. “What? Oh...I don’t know, I guess,” he shrugged. 

“Did you like it?” she asked carefully.

Billy was quiet for a moment, like he was trying to decide whether he had or not. “...I’ve seen worse.” he finally said. Teddi guessed that was as close to a compliment as she’d ever get from him. 

“You don’t seem to be the type to go to the movies a lot.” she observed. It was hard to imagine a guy like Billy being cooped up in a theater or choosing to stay home with a rental instead of doing...whatever it was that he liked to do. 

“If I do I’m sure as hell not watching the movie.” he smirked. Teddi rolled her eyes. He just couldn’t turn it off. But she’d take the mindless flirt over his antichrist side. She wouldn’t push her luck though. Teddi went back to silently folding towels, extremely grateful when Billy flipped on the radio that was sitting a little precariously on a fold out chair in the corner of the room. 

He could practically hear Max giving him shit for being an asshole. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. ‘You need to learn how to chill the hell out’, she had said. ‘You can’t keep acting like such a psychopath’. So he started to learn to bite his tongue a little more often. He noticed people didn’t mind being around him as much now. He could joke around with Freddy and the girls at work. Things felt just a little bit more normal. A little bit more like back home. But god sometimes it was hard to keep the anger at bay.

 “What do you need the cash for?” He asked suddenly. Teddi looked up at him, her eyebrows raised in surprise. “You said you needed extra cash. What’s it for?” He corrected himself. 

“Oh, yeah. Well, mainly college I guess,” the look on his face told her that was exactly the answer he had been expecting. “Honestly if it’ll get me out of here then I’ll take it.” she said with a shrug. 

Billy raised an eyebrow. Aside from maybe Max, he hadn’t met anyone else that didn’t love living in Hawkins. “You hate it here too, huh?”

Teddi looked around as if someone was listening in before letting out a heavy sigh. “It’s so cold. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s cold in New York. But there was at least stuff to do. All there is here is the video store, the arcade and...cows. I don’t know how people stand it.” she was surprised when Billy actually laughed. A genuine laugh.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’d rather chew off my own foot than stay in this shit hole much longer.” that’s something at least, Teddi thought. Something they had in common. It wasn’t like she was going to go out of her way to become friends with Billy. If that was even possible. But if they were going to work together she at least wanted to be able to be in the same room without him wanting to strangle her. 

There was something she couldn’t really figure out about Billy. He wasn’t just your average angry guy. Her dad was an angry guy. He had two modes. Angry and quiet. Thankfully over the last few years the quiet side had taken most of the control. But with Billy it didn’t seem like it was just hot and cold. Angry and quiet. There were these moments that would peek out where she could see him as a nice guy. A little cranky, but a nice guy. But then they were gone almost as fast as they arrived. 

She decided she wouldn’t press on the matter. She didn’t want to get involved with whatever was going on with him. She would be cordial, and that was that. Mostly anything to keep him from saying pussy ever again. 

So they worked in silence to finish up the rest of the laundry. Billy gave her a tour, gave her a brief rundown of the pool rules and showed her where they kept the pool chemicals, supplies for lessons and anything else she might need. And while there were no more arguments between them, Teddi had to keep herself from rolling her eyes every time she caught Billy blatantly checking her out. 

Before she knew it her shift was up. She headed back to the locker room to change back into her winter wear and stopped by Billy who had relieved Heather from her post. “So, thanks for showing me around. I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

Billy looked almost surprised she was thanking him. “Uh, yeah, sure....later.” he mumbled awkwardly. He wouldn’t meet her eyes, almost like if anyone overheard their conversation they’d think he wasn’t cool anymore. Teddi only let out a small laugh, waving at him and heading out into the cold, wintery weather. She decided this would be a good fit. It got her out of the house for a few extra hours, and Billy wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. 

[schtroumpf-a-lunettes]

Smurf Village Upturned, Chapter 1

It’s finally here... have almost 20k written up so far and I’m still going.

Read on: AO3 | FF.net | This post

(This story is largely self-contained and can be read as stand-alone, HOWEVER, it is also set after the events of The Smurfs That Canon Forgot, and this will translate through into the text. There will be only very small references/nods and connecting links back to the previous fic, which should in no way detract from the story on its own).

PART ONE: INSIGHT

A few months after the lost smurfs returned back to the village, Baby Smurf started to talk.

Of course, not with any kind of abrupt fluency. Some time in the past, he had spoken his first word. After such a long gap, his second, third, and subsequent words started to follow during this time.

Two years after the return of the lost smurfs, Baby was able to construct short sentences.

At the three and a half year mark following the time-travelling adventures drawing to a close, Baby’s sentences were gradually growing a little bit longer and just a little bit more complex. He was getting better at saying words correctly.

And just under five years after the lost smurfs had finally returned back from their time travelling, Gargamel was dead.

***

He wasn’t sure how Scruple had managed to find them. How long had he been looking? Or perhaps it had just been pure chance. Either way, they’d turned a corner in the forest, and he was there.

“Ah, smurfs…! Wasn’t expecting to actually come across you. But uh, old Gargy’s really sick. He has pneumonia again.”

“Again?!” came the startled response.

“Yeah. Did you know that once you get pneumonia, it’s much easier to be struck with it again? And this new doctor in town… I think he’s a quack. He doesn’t seem to be helping at all… You know, now that I’ve found you, I was wondering if… you know, well… I think you smurfs would actually know a little something and be more helpful than whatever the hell that quack doc’s been doing.”

And so it was that Dabbler and Papa, accompanied by a few other smurfs, went to see to him, but suffice it to say, they weren’t able to do any good.

***

Baby Smurf could walk. When he had finally grown too big for his usual white jumpsuit, a new outfit was in order. Tailor went to make some white pants for him – smaller, but otherwise identical to those of the majority of the village, but the smurflings would have none of it.

“Let him wear the white pants if he wants to wear the white pants,” Snappy huffed, “But what if he don’t wanna?”

The smurflings stood out greatly with their unique choices of clothing, to say the least. And now they seemed to want to pass on their eccentricities to Baby, much to Tailor’s chagrin.

“Oh, smurf is me,” Tailor sighed, awful images flashing in his mind of some kind of bizarre future where every smurf in the village went by a different outfit. It just wasn’t natural!

“C’mon Tailor, the times, they are a-changin’!” Sassette added. “If Baby wore boring adult smurf clothes instead of choosing his own style like us, well, that’d just be weird!”

So they allowed Baby choice. They laid out different colours before him. But whether he chose arbitrarily or actually knew the decisions he was making, who could say? But he seemed happy enough.

“Ah, a light blue…! And green too? What kinda green d’ya want, Baby? Light or dark?”

“Light!” Baby said brightly, repeating the new word back to Sassette.

They went through this process for a little while, and in the end, Baby Smurf donned a light blue T-shirt and light green overalls on top of that. He appeared to be somewhat confused but very pleased with the new outfit, so the smurflings considered the whole incident a great success.

“And you’re free to change your mind any time, if you want a new outfit in the future,” Nat had told him encouragingly.

“Or,” Tailor added slyly, “If you want to join the rest of us smurfs in our normal smurfy outfits.”

Baby Smurf was, in all respects, a toddler now. Was it not time for him to go by a different name? He technically wasn’t a baby anymore.

But he had already been known as Baby Smurf for many years, and no one really thought to bring up the issue. He was still the baby of the village, after all, and there was only one Baby Smurf, making things quite convenient. Baby, for his part, could not (yet) and did not bring the matter to attention either.

Besides, what else would they call him? Baby was just, well, Baby. He did not show an avid interest in any one particular thing so as to label himself definitively.

They were going to have to name him eventually, give him a new name. But they could afford to wait a little while longer.

He has magic, Papa would think to himself from time to time. So will he be… Magical Smurf? Wizard Smurf? Sorceror Smurf? But he hardly wanted to go about advertising the young child’s powers like that. It could come with a slew of unwelcome consequences. And would a name like that really fit Baby? He couldn’t say for sure.

Sassette was with Baby and the other smurflings when Papa Smurf came to give her the news that Gargamel didn’t make it. He brought Sassette off to the side, spoke softly to her, and she started to weep.

The era of Gargamel was finally over. In the past several years or so, they had not really been bothered by him anyway, but he still couldn’t be banished entirely from the back of their minds, just in case. Now, it was official. They truly didn’t need to worry any more about the most persistent enemy they had ever known. And finally letting go of it would be a great relief.

In a time before Sassette, perhaps some of the smurfs would be borderline celebrating, although Papa Smurf would have certainly disapproved of such behaviour. But Sassette was genuinely upset by the loss, leaving the smurfs to keep any contrary feelings to themselves.

If it weren’t for Gargamel, they wouldn’t have Smurfette, which at this point was unthinkable. It was funny how things like that worked out, how the one who only wished to bring them harm had unwittingly brought them all a very dear friend who would live alongside them, and who they would all love and cherish for hundreds of years to come. Smurfette, for her part, had always made her stance on Gargamel very clear, and that stance had not changed. She despised him. And unlike the other smurfs, she had never known a time before Gargamel, had never had that opportunity – until now, where she could finally live her life free of the nagging notion that the same awful wizard was out to get her, or use her to get at her friends.

Nat, Snappy and Slouchy had known a time before Gargamel. They didn’t remember that time anymore. They didn’t exactly have access to those memories, so they were essentially in the same boat as Smurfette and Sassette in that regard.

Baby, too, had been brought by the stork when Gargamel had already been a source of suffering for the smurfs for many, many years. Although he technically never knew a time before Gargamel… He’d not had much exposure to it, was only just now really learning to communicate. It would be easy for him to forget about, to not remember. Gargamel never had the chance to affect Baby the way he affected the rest of us, was what Smurfette thought to herself on the matter.

[rosalind2013]

Meant To Be

Hello, @armaryllis-kawaii!

Alright, so that AU was one that I abandoned because I didn’t like how it turned out. I just checked, and it’s actually kinda complete.

I’m just going to post the whole thing, because I probably won’t ever feel motivated to whip it into shape. I have to warn you though, it’s not my best work!

We were meant to be partners. Good luck and bad luck. Creation and destruction. Ladybug and Chat Noir. I think I knew it even before the little kwami told me so.

I looked into the eyes of my supposed enemy and saw a friend; misguided and confused and maybe even a little scared.

Power crackled at his fingertips, wild and dangerous. He was very much the same. His slitted eyes were fiery, his stance was tense, and his tail flicked in agitation.

Contrary to the spark in his eyes, his demand for my earrings held no heat.

I refused, as always. And as always, he beamed. As if he’d be disappointed if I ever changed my mind.

The smile turned anticipatory, and we both shifted into a ready stance. He coiled like a spring, ready to leap toward me at a moment’s notice. I tensed, preparing for his attack.

It never came.

His shoulders relaxed, and I watched with intrigue as his fingers brushed a protruding pipe. The power of Cataclysm reduced it to nothing but dust.

Then he took a seat on the edge of the roof and stared out at the afternoon bustle of the city.

I blinked, wondering what this could possibly mean. Chat Noir grinned rather playfully and patted the spot beside him. I stared, dangerously hopeful that he wasn’t trying to trick me.

The sounds of the city soothed my frazzled nerves, and I mentally weighed the pros and cons of accepting Chat Noir’s seemingly innocent gesture. 

A car beeped in the distance, a woman chatted on the phone while she strolled down the street. The wind ruffled his already messy hair, and I decided to take a chance.

He looked pleasantly surprised as I took a seat beside him. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable as we sat side by side and stared out at the city. 

It felt right.

We sighed at the same time and then laughed about it like old friends, even though we’d never spoken outside of battle before. I knew he was pretty quiet, though it seemed like less like he was shy and more like he held his tongue most of the time. 

I wondered if I could get him to talk to me.

He always had a certain playfulness about him, even though he was essentially a supervillain. It was like he’d never meant to be on that side of the fight.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” I asked, daring to bridge the gap of silence.

Chat Noir met my eyes and shrugged. I started to slouch in disappointment at my failure to start a conversation, - Good job, Marinette. You could’ve said literally anything else - when his voice cut through the silence.

“Hawkmoth is out of town, so I figured I don’t have to fight you if I don’t want to,” he explained with a dismissive wave of his hand.

The implications of his statement simultaneously frightened and excited me.

“So…that means you don’t want to fight me?” I asked cautiously.

The blond boy furrowed his brow, “No? I just do what I’m told. He calls the shots, and I kinda just follow along. But I know we’re supposed to be friends…” He trailed off uncertainly.

“So why aren’t we?” I prodded. 

He smiled sadly, “Because I was bad luck before I found my Miraculous.”

Before I could think it through, my hand drifted over to rest on his shoulder. His eyes were wide as he gaped back at me in disbelief.

“We can still be friends, you know,” I assured him.

He blinked, “Wha-? You mean it?”

“Of course I do! I don’t know why you’re working with Hawkmoth, but it doesn’t matter. Anytime you need me, I’ll be there. Okay?” I offered, free hand fisted in determination.

Maybe I hadn’t thought it through, but it didn’t make me any less certain of my words.

He looked hopeful for a few seconds before his gaze dropped to his lap, “That’s very nice of you, but black cats really are bad luck.”

I knew he was upset, but I couldn’t help but to think his pout was unfairly adorable. I smiled and nudged his chin with my fingertips so that he would be forced to meet my eyes, “There’s a reason we’re supposed to be together. We balance out.”

With my fingertips cradling his chin and the fading light painting the sky with brilliant shades of orange, it was a very romantic scene. 

My heart skipped a horrified beat, and his electric green eyes were wide with shock as he stared back at me.

I jerked my hand away as if his skin had somehow burned me through my suit.

“Not like that! Partners! But not romantic partners! Though I guess anything could happen, so that’s a possibility-!”

A sly grin stretched across his face, “Romantic partners, you say?”

“No!” I whined pathetically.

“That’s what I heard,” he teased, mischief dancing in his eyes. 

“That’s not what I meant!” I clarified, squaring my shoulders as I prepared to argue to the last breath.

“Sure it wasn’t,” he said.

A fire ignited within me upon seeing that self-satisfied grin on his face.

“I was already embarrassed, and you’re making it worse! I didn’t mean it like that,” I insisted, crossing my arms over my chest.

His posture straightened and his smile faded.

“I know. I’m sorry for teasing you,” he said, dipping his head rather contritely.

My frustration fizzled out in the face of his apology. How strange that his demeanor could flip so suddenly.

“It’s okay,” I said, still feeling a bit flustered.

He flashed me a winning smile, and I it was so bright that I could’ve melted on the spot. He was just so happy and it was breathtaking. 

Against my better judgment, I started falling for the boy who tried to snatch my miraculous on a weekly basis. 

Geez, Marinette. You sure know how to pick them.

“Hey, want to race to the Eiffel Tower?” he asked, interrupting my panicked thoughts. My head cleared in response to the challenge.

“You’re on!” I replied, jumping to my feet and bouncing on my toes.

His laugh was carefree and genuine as we raced across the rooftops. I marveled at just how easy it was to keep pace beside him. It was as natural as breathing.

I thought my grin would split my face as we sailed across the gaps in the rooftops side by side. Would it have been this way all the time if Chat Noir weren’t fighting on the wrong side?

It wasn’t the best time to stop paying attention to my surroundings.

My foot slipped on a loose tile and I gasped as I began to topple backward. A clawed hand gripped my wrist and yanked me forward, changing the direction of my tumble and throwing Chat Noir off balance. 

We tucked into a barely controlled roll and came to a stop a safe distance from the edge.

My head rested against his chest, and his heart thudded in my ear.

“You okay?” he inquired.

I felt my face burn with a blush, and hoped he’d assume it was flushed from the workout.

I lifted my head to meet his eyes, “I’m fine. Thanks for saving me.”

Chat Noir gave me a soft smile, his eyes bright and kind. 

“I couldn’t let my friend fall off a roof,” he said.

My heart warmed at that statement. I smiled and got to my feet, offering a hand to help him up. We continued on to the tower without incident, and sat upon the beams to overlook the city.

“So why would it be bad if Hawkmoth got your Miraculous?” Chat Noir asked, tilting his head to the side.

I frowned at him. “There could be unintended consequences if they’re misused. I don’t know the specifics, but my kwami said it would be a disaster, and I trust her judgment,” I said. 

The boy nodded thoughtfully, “Plagg kinda hinted at that too. My, uh, boss hasn’t told me why he wants your earrings, just that both together would be unlimited power.”

I couldn’t understand why such a sweet boy would aid in a mission like that. 

“I’m sorry, but why are you helping him, then?” 

His shoulders slumped in defeat, “I don’t have a choice, Ladybug.”

In my experience, there was always a choice. Unless- 

My temper flared. “Is he threatening you?” I demanded.

Chat Noir blanched and spluttered, “No! Well, maybe? I mean, he’d never hurt me, but I’ll get in trouble if I don’t do as he says.”

I huffed in exasperation. “Geez, he almost sounds like he’s your dad, or something.”

Chat Noir froze, like my words had turned him to ice. No. No way. “He’s not, right?” I continued, my voice shrill with nerves.

The boy’s cat ears drooped, and suddenly it all made sense. My head spun as I tried to make sense of this new information. 

He fought alongside Hawkmoth because he didn’t have a choice.

He didn’t have a choice because Hawkmoth was his father.

That must have been why he never showed up to the first akuma attack; he’d been discovered before he had a chance to help me.

“I’ll have to fight you again when he comes back,” he explained, head bowed in defeat.

The thought of fighting him now was almost physically painful. Everything felt so right with him by my side, and I didn’t want it to end. He winced, and I knew he must have been thinking the same thing. 

“I’ll figure something out. In the meantime, we’ll go easy on each other, okay?” I suggested. He seemed to mull it over, and eventually nodded.

From that point on, our battles became something of a game. He’d chase me around the rooftops with a Cheshire grin, and at the last moment, I’d somehow tie him up or get him stuck. He’d pout dramatically, like he wasn’t in on the whole thing in the first place.

And Hawkmoth was completely fooled. Chat Noir told me how proud his father was that he was finally excited about fighting Ladybug, and my heart broke at how he craved the man’s approval. I couldn’t blame him, though, so I directed my frustration at my enemy. 

He was the one who snatched my partner up before I even got a chance to meet him. He was the one who manipulated his son into being a villain. His son, with the lively eyes and the smile like sunshine. 

And while Chat Noir yearned for his father’s affection, I yearned for Chat Noir’s.

Tikki listened with a patient smile while I gushed about how sweet and funny he was, and how his shy little smile gave me butterflies. She comforted me every time I got upset because I didn’t know how to help him. 

I contented myself with our stolen moments on the rooftops. He was a bit of a flirt and had a penchant for sickeningly cute nicknames. I rolled my eyes at his bad jokes and laughed at his good ones, and quickly found myself in love.

I couldn’t tell him, though. It was too complicated. We were too complicated; so I kept my feelings to myself and ignored the flutter in my chest. 

Months of secret rendezvous in the dead of night made us sloppy, and Alya somehow managed to snap a picture of us sitting together on the roof of a fancy restaurant.

I was horrified by how quickly it went viral.

Unless he lived under a literal rock, there was no way Hawkmoth hadn’t seen it. All of the news outlets were speculating on whether we were in a secret relationship and how long it had been going on.

There were countless analyses on our posture and body language in every fight as experts tried to figure out what was going on between us. The streets flooded with reporters trying to catch another photo of Ladybug and Chat Noir. 

I wished I could meet with him to make sure he was okay, but the reporters were everywhere and there weren’t even any akuma attacks for weeks.

No word from Chat Noir in weeks.

I paced my room, jittery from nerves.

“Maybe you should go for a run, Marinette. Staying here isn’t doing you any good,” Tikki suggested. 

“You’re right, Tikki. Some fresh air will do me good,” I replied. 

I bounded over the rooftops as if I could escape my problems if I just ran fast enough. 

My eyes blurred with tears as I stood in the empty bell tower of Notre Dame. 

He wasn’t there.

Again.

A million worst-case scenarios jumped to the forefront of my mind, and I angrily scrubbed at my tears.

“Ladybug!” a familiar voice shouted gleefully. 

Then Chat Noir bowled into me, and I held him close as we laughed together, tears of joy streaming down our faces. 

Our lips interlocked like the final pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. We were a perfect fit, just as I knew we would be. We were meant to be partners. Good luck and bad luck. Creation and destruction. Ladybug and Chat Noir.

[hollygopossumlovesj2]

Come Back Down, Part 19

(This gif was taken from good ol’ Google. This is not mine and I take no credit.)

Title: Come Back Down, Part 19

Words: 1,937 (kinda short but has a punch!)

Warnings/Rating: PG-13; There are curse words and some depiction of illness. This story is not Danneel positive, but it does not reflect my personal feelings. Please just read this as the entertainment that it is supposed to be. There will be an explanation as to why she is behaving so strangely.

Summary: As the holidays draw nearer, Jensen, Y/N and his family try to celebrate with as much normalcy as they can manage with danger and drama seeming to lurk at every turn.

Come Back Down Master List

Hollygopossum’s Master List

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

 In what I can only describe as insanity, I lived through letting Mom and Y/N drag me around to the boutiques in downtown for last minute Christmas Shopping. It was hard to slip away when I felt like I would heave anything left in my stomach and I’d gotten some dirty looks. But, I’d managed. Their happy faces and banter made the sacrifice worth it.

 I don’t even want to talk about lunch. Let’s just say I’ll never eat at Ghirelli’s ever again. Then, we’d driven through the first night of the Christmas Lights in another part of town. That had been a relief because I got to sit down and blankly stare out the window without having to control the expression on my face. I had no idea how I would be standing up again, but I pushed that thought to the back of my mind for now. Hiding how I felt from everyone was exhausting and I fought to keep my eyes open.

 That had been the highlight of the evening, letting Y/N snuggle in close in the backseat while Dad drove us through. My parents had been their adorable selves and held hands while talking about the different displays. It was basically the same displays every year so I was able to let my eyes slide closed and still participate in the conversation.

 The only mistake I made was to hand over my hot chocolate with the extra marshmallows to Y/N because there was just no way I would’ve been that giving of my Mom’s homemade hot cocoa in good physical and mental health. Especially when it had been laced with a healthy dose of peppermint schnapps. No matter how important you were to me, I never willingly gave up all of my favorites. Call it a flaw born of being a middle child and having to share with both an annoying older brother and younger sister. I didn’t learn to share. I learned to hoard.

 The amount of scrutiny that was received through the rear view mirror made the backseat extremely uncomfortable. I could feel that the flop sweat was only a few minutes away, itching underneath my skin as my abdomen pulsated in pain that had me wanting to curl into a ball and disappear.

 Y/N leaned in close, her lips at my ear, her cocoa and peppermint breath a little intoxicating and nauseating at the same time. How was that even possible? “I don’t know exactly what’s going on with you, but you’re not fooling anyone. I can feel the heat radiating off of your skin and even in just the dim lighting, I can tell you’re pale and rosy cheeked. So, when you’re done being stubborn, I’m here, okay?”

 Suddenly it was a little hard to swallow, my throat felt clogged with relief. Relief that she wouldn’t be upset when I finally came clean about what I’d been trying to keep to myself. I closed my eyes against the rush of emotion that pressed at my eyelids when she grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Okay.”

 She pressed a kiss to my hot cheek before settling in next to me in a way that didn’t cause me pain. Like she had already put the symptoms together and surmised the diagnosis way before I had. “Okay.”

 I was close to nodding off when we finally pulled into the drive way. The extreme relief of finally being home, with all intention of coming clean and crawling into bed were crushed when I saw her. Well, not her, but her red, flashy Escalade.

 It didn’t take a genius to figure out that we were here over the Thanksgiving holiday. The last thing I expected was for her to have the balls to show up and for me to find her sitting on the front door step, pregnant as hell. Could she have picked a better time?

 “You gonna be okay, son?” My Mom asked, obvious flush on her cheeks from the schnapps and a look of protective steel to her eyes. There was no doubt in my mind that the two women in this car would throw down in one way or another in my defense if I needed them to.

 “I’ll be fine.” I answered as confidently as I could, swallowing loudly as I felt the bile crawling slowly up my throat.

 Mom gave us both one last look, searching for any indecision before both of my parents got out of the car like they were practicing synchronicity. We watched them go, a moment of silence falling uncomfortably over the back seat as I could feel her vibrating with anger next to me.

 “Umm, this is completely awkward.” I heard the livid vibration in her voice clear as a bell as I watched my Mom and Dad walk past Danneel and into the house without a word. Danneel was stung by their inattention, but it’s not like I expected my parents to act like she hadn’t divorced me and then blackmailed me into staying with her.

 I squeezed her hand, leaned in to kiss her cheek, and whispered carefully into her ear. “You’re going to go in, sweetheart, and you’re gonna let me handle my own baggage, okay?”

 I knew letting all of my misery show wasn’t exactly playing fair, but it worked. “Jensen, you don’t have to do this, okay? You could just ignore her and go inside. We could get a restraining order or something.”

 “I know it sucks, but if I do any of those things, she’ll start more of a shit storm than she already has. Besides, if she’s the one responsible for your accident and barn damage, then we need to keep her calm.”

 “Fuck, but I’d like to punch her stupid, smug face, Jay. I seriously think it would help me sleep better at night.” The funny thing is, I knew it wasn’t a bluff and it brought a genuine smile to my face for the first time in several hours.

 “I know it’d make you happy, but I need you to help me out here and let me get it.”

 The angry blue bird was in full force as she nodded her begrudging agreement not to start anything, but to walk past and go inside.

 “I’ll do what you think is best, Jay. But, her ass is mine if she so much as touches you.”

 “Easy, Tiger. I got this.” I sighed, just the anxiety of seeing her here zapped all of my meager energy. However, as I struggled to get out of the car, I had a sudden moment of relief. It’s like the pain had gone down to a little ache and nothing more. Perfect. Just in time.

 I gripped her hand as we walked up the walk way, my heart hammering over time in my chest. God I needed an Ativan, big time. When we reached the stairs, I pulled her close and kissed her forehead. Lingering there as I took in her scent of wisteria and let it relax me.

 Then, I squeezed her shoulders, indicating that she should go. She didn’t hesitate, but if looks could actually kill? Danneel would be a smoking corpse. I waited until the door closed before I turned guarded eyes to her. “What do you want?”

 “Spending Thanksgiving with an innocent but chronically frumpy country hick? Really classy, and between you and me? I don’t think the smell of horse manure can be scrubbed off if it’s already oozing out of her pores, Jen.” There was a sneer on her perfectly symmetrical face, it leached any of the beauty that she may have held away.

 “You know that’s not true, Danneel. You know Mom and Dad would want her here, even if she did smell like horse manure. Of which, I can assure you, I have the privilege of being intimately familiar with every centimeter of her body. If she smelled like shit I think I would’ve noticed.” The words were like a lit fuse, the energy dragging out of me and collecting to form a fallout like the second pause before an explosion.

 “Whatever.” She stood, and it gave me a bit of satisfaction to still look down on her. “I’m here because I got served with new papers today. Right in the middle of the grocery store.”

 “You knew it was coming. You manipulated me, and this was my lawyer’s answer.” Was it me, or were the edges of my vision a little black and fuzzy?

 “You know this is going to paint you in bad light, picking on a pregnant woman, right? A brave woman who’s now on her own because her legal husband is playing house with his fucking country hick best friend.”

 She poked her sharp, perfectly manicured nail repeatedly into my chest, and I felt like my eyes were rolling in their sockets when I tried to focus. To be honest, most of her words were lost to the annoying ringing that had taken up in my ears just seconds before. Her angry, pinched face came in and out of focus and I randomly thought that she must be happy that her baby weight didn’t show up in her vapid face.

 “It’s also gonna effect Y/N, her reputation, you understand? I’ll make sure she never sells another damn print, Jensen. Is it that worth it to you? For me to destroy her life over your stupidity? All I’m asking is that you rejoin your pregnant wife in your own home. We can raise these babies, together. We could be the family we always dreamed of being.” I vaguely registered her ice cold hand touching my face as her voice started to fade out more and the world began to spin a little faster.

 Her voice grew in volume, the one that at one time I thought had been adorable, was making the ringing in my ears escalate into eardrum bursting and the darkness threatened to take over. “You’d do anything to get me back, wouldn’t you?” I was feeling so woozy that I couldn’t even berate myself for only being able speak like the words were forced to filter through a meat grinder first.

 “Yes, Jensen,” her relief was almost painful to watch. “I love you. We’re having our babies, finally. You still want these babies. I know you do. That was one of the requirements before you would even marry me. And I was on the same page, I wanted those babies so bad…” I barely registered her hands now sliding down my arms to rest on my nonexistent abs, my breath heaving as I struggled to breathe the air that seemed to be thickening to the viscosity of 50 weight motor oil.

 “Including scaring Y/N away. Maybe even getting rid of her permanently?” I was feeling gradually more breathless, my heart fluttering like rapid fire in my chest.

 The pause is what gave it away, the pause of silence as I struggled to keep my feet. It was then, as I was struggling to make it stop spinning so damn fast, that there was no doubt that she was responsible.

 “Are you kidding me… are you even listening… Fuck y-… Jensen? Jensen?!? Someone, help!!” My thoughts were a little slow, like slogging through marsh mud. My view of the stars disappearing after a sharp pain on the back of my head. Then it was all black. Nothingness. Cool black relief. I don’t know if anyone saw the relief and the smile that must’ve crossed my face. I didn’t feel any pain anymore.

Tagging Forevers: @tas898, @pansexualmeteorite, @mandymoiselle1970, @perpetualabsurdity, @maileann, @daydreamingintheimpala, @gecko9596, @gemini75eeyore, @jotink78, @dancingalone21, @winchesterprincessbride, @sandlee44, @exploratiionist, @arryn-nyx, @littledarlinhavefaithinme, @tiffanycaruso, @boredoutofmymindstuff, @feelmyroarrrr, @raeganr99, @ruprecht0420, @anokhi07, @letsgetyourdeanon, @sis-tafics, @jensen-gal, @theoneandonlysaucymo, @27bmm, @callmesatansprincess, @hbenth, @atc74, @ryansgirl5509, @mysteriouslyme82, @notnaturalanahi, @keepcalmandcarryondean, @sea040561, @just-another-busy-fangirl, @spn67-sister, @uniquewerewolfsuit, @ria132love, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @pretty-fortune, @butiaintgonnaloveem, @justanotherdeangirl, @weasleywinchester, @easelweasel, @akshi8278, @wheresthekillswitch

Tagging CBD Only: @melissaj616, @katrena7, @deansdirtyduchess, @anticipate1003, @jellersquad, @jalove-wecallhimdean, @shamelesslydean

[thedappleddragon]

ugh im big stupid and haven't been posting my shit here for a while. I've still been typing it out in my notes, I just havent transferred them onto here lol. im putting it all under the cut, don't worry

Today was pretty dang nice! I spent a little time outside because it was nice and warm out, I drew a little in my sketchbook and digitally rendered a picture of Anna’s new princess outfit, ran an errand with my mom to pick up a graphing calculator and a pack of soda, ate some Wendy’s, and did a lot of sewing for my dress! I joined the bodice lining and exterior, and did a little over half of the sewing for the skirt. I’m doing French seams so there’s no raw edges on the inside, so I still have to iron it and go over the second round of stitches. My machine malfunctioned for a moment with the thread tangling up in the lower bobbin thingy, so I left it alone for like an hour and it fixed itself lol. I’m very happy with how the bodice came out after clipping all the extra fabric in the corners and test fitting it. I think it’ll be great when it’s done!! Although I may or may not need to seam rip a little bit of the skirt to extend the zipper down so I can get it over my fuckin DUMPTRUCK when putting it on. Right now there’s enough stretch to put it on, but Idk how well that’ll stay after attaching the 2 pieces. Also it might end up making me look fat/preggo in the end with how the skirt lays lmao. I also did a really quick test fit with the sleeves, and I might actually like it better sleeveless? I’ll put one on anyway and go from there to see which I like better. HOORAY this dress has pockets!! But I may have put them a little low lol. I wanted to do a big dress debut at prom, but turns out graduates aren’t allowed due to covid restrictions :( so that really sucks. But we’re still gonna hang out a little bit beforehand, and I can still do a debut. I made a little bow out of some scrap dress fabric, which I want to put in my hair for pre-prom. I think I’ll braid my hair, maybe get some fake flowers from dollar tree and ribbon to add somehow, and put the ribbon either at the bottom or the top, wherever the hair tie eventually goes. I’m so exited to work on it more. I’m kinda running out of white thread tho so I’ll have to get more. Later in the evening i got hungry and made ramen while my dad and I watched a documentary on some of the horrible shit that went on all around the world during 2020, some of which I had forgotten about, some that was really surreal and out of a dystopian movie, and some stuff that was just upsetting to watch. It was still pretty good tho. I got work tomorrow and I’m really sleepy even tho it’s only 12:30 so I think I’m gonna grab a snack and go to sleep soon. Gnight mwah

Yesterday I worked and sewed until I ran out of thread and drew a little bit. Spent most of my shift watering flowers, then I went home and ate for a moment, then watered more and picked dead flowers and talked about avatar and other animated shows with the highschool girl I work with. Came home and hung out for a while, that evening made some good pasta. 

Today I justly hung out, then went with mom to pick up a bookshelf and went through strawtown which I thought was a very funny name for a town. There was a cute antique shop in there tho. On the way back we stopped in a sewing shop called Always in stitches. I expected it to be a very small shop, but it was SO much bigger than I thought it would be. They had tons of fabric and quilting supplies, and lots of old ladies working and talking. I picked up a cone of white thread and a fabric sample pack. Then I sewed my dress a little bit. I still have lots to do, and only like 2.5 days to do it. I’ll get there tho. All I have to do is add the skirt hem, add the pockets back in (I took them out so I could see them in normally), add sleeves and hem them, and add the zipper. And attach the skirt to the bodice. I think I’ll be able to do it. I had yogurt for the first time in forever today. Tbh I used just enough to hold together the strawberry and granola bits kgelgskgs. It was pretty good tho. I drew ELEVEN pages in my sketchbook, about 8 of them being a comic about the pony au of our royalty au. I could have done the comic with human characters but ponies are so much easier to draw aggsssdh. I spent 40 minutes typing out the dialogue and editing it on top of the rest of the comic so my friend could read it, but she still hasn’t read my text :( oh well that’s fine lol. The original plot was supposed to be Sam talking to an accidental illusion of me being mean about her blight, but then I accidentally made it something different. I might just draw the alternate ending instead. Update I just did

Yesterday I sewed and went to Menards to buy tile for moms bathroom.

Today was VERY productive, I feel like. I woke up and immediately took a shower and did laundry. I spent some one just sitting on my bed scrolling and researching while listening to medieval remixes of songs lol. At some point I went out to buy subway for everyone and stopped at dollar tree for nail polish and satin ribbon. I made the ribbon into a little choker and wanted to use it for the hem of the skirt, but I was too short. In total I spent HOURS hemming and pinning and seam ripping and ironing and sewing today, but it’s still not done. I gotta kick my ass into high gear if it’s gone be done by Sunday afternoon. I started sewing the bottom hem, but my machine has been doing this weird thing where the fabric scrunches up right past the sewing foot and leaves wrinkles and gathers so loose I can move it around with my hands easily. I think it’s just my tension being too tight or something, I adjusted it a bit and I’ll test it in the morning. I’m too tired and it’s too late at night to be doing that much sewing. I seam ripped the entire back skirt seam so I could extend the zipper a little further down, and I’ll sew it back up once the hem is done. After that all I need to donis connect the skirt to the bocice, fix the zipper, and hem the arm holes. I don’t want to use the sleeves I made because the edges don’t line up at all and I don’t think I would be able to lift my arms, the way it’s built. The nail polish I picked up works way better than I thought it would, leaving a pretty good metallic sheen after just one coat. Way better than I thought for a dollar. I helped mom lay down tile a little bit, ripping up one old tile and helping a bit at a time throughout the day. I kept asking if she wanted help with the actual tiling part but she said no. We also couldn’t get the fuckin box cutter I bought to work. It’s supposed to be easy to replace the blade, but we couldn’t figure it out lol. I’m falling asleep fun. Washed my face twice, trying to take good care of myself before prom so I look good in photos. Gotta wash hair tomorrow. Made hamburger meat

Spent all day sewing and listening to bardcore remixes. Dress is as done as I bother to make it rn

Tbh I was hoping for a little more for today. I’ve spent the last like week or longer working towards this, and going especially in depth the past 3 days. I got all silky smooth, worked for hours on my dress, thought about pretty much nothing except prom day. I was late because my dad had my neighbor come over to take pictures of me in my dress. I thought it was just going to be her holding my dad’s phone to get a picture of us together, but she brought her whole ass professional camera and spent several minutes taking pictures. Then I took the weirdest way possible to get to my friend’s house on accident because google maps said it was the fastest way to get there. But HEY when I did get there I enjoyed hanging out with my friends. We ate some dinner AND??? Sammie I’m sorry if you’re reading this but THE MASHED POTATOES?? WERE S O BLAND????? AFAJSTSTHJST ily but girl. Just a little salt could have gone a long way <3 the steak and especially the green bean casserole were good tho :) dinner was good with the sparkling juice and little desert. Overall everything was just very loud, but that’s to be expected when this is everyone’s first time seeing each other in a goddamn while: actually I think they’ve all seen each other at school without me but hey whatever. I think I fucked up my phone screen on accident by sitting on it while it was in my pocket with my keys, leaving a spiderweb crack in it. I checked and yeah it’s not just the screen protector :( eh I don’t care that much, It didn’t fuck up the lcd screen or anything. We went up to Sam’s room and hung out and talked while she did Liz’s makeup and took pictures, and I borrowed a little of her concealer before photos. There was a little photo shoot in their front yard, and looking at the photos I look a little fat in them but I LOVE all the photos taken in Sam’s room where we were all just hanging out. Idk why but whenever you have to do photos and they say to do a silly one, it never turns out good, but the fun ones you casually take always turn out way better. They’re more genuine :) but then it was time for everyone to go to prom and for me to go home 😔 we only hung out for like an hour and a half. I didn’t want to take off my dress, seeing as I put in so much effort to sew the whole dress and shave and look pretty, so I wore it around the house for a bit until I got tired and went to lay in bed. I watched the mitchels vs the machines, which is a fuckin DELIGHTFUL movie!! Everybody go watch it it’s so cute <3 I also played some Pokémon and watched a little YouTube in bed, but feeling unfulfilled and wanting to do something different, I just didn’t know what. So instead I started typing this up as my sister brought me a cupcake from prom :) I had a bite and put the rest in the fridge, since it was so big and in a plastic container. I texted a friend over Snapchat asking if they had fun at prom, and they said it was kinda ass. I tried relating and saying yeah all school dances are a little ass, and my friend group once had anti prom and played dnd instead, but they just said ‘that’s nice’ back and idk if that means they’re annoyed at me or they’re just tired and didn’t wanna text or what but :( idk. Either way it’s fine, right now all I care about is going to bed. Gnight I guess. Also I keep thinking about that textpost that’s like “diary of icarly” and she talks in these simple-ass sentences and now I feel self conscious about how I write these snafnfs. I already know I write like a child in these, but that’s just because I don’t wanna go through the effort of making this sound nice and professional every day lmao. So child writing it is. Also painted my nails really horribly and it took forever to clean up which made me late

Woke up, went to work, spent a little time stocking, watered indoor plants, then attempting to work the register, and organized plants the rest of the time. I stood behind one of my coworkers as she checked people out, kind of understanding what she was doing but not that much, and read the manual in down periods. She had me check out a couple people, and it was NERVE WRACKING AS HELL. Thankfully everyone was very nice, and my coworker stood by and helped, and right as I was getting my foothold, my boss called for me to work outside and bring in the new shipment of plants. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WAS REALLY NICE?? I was actually able to help some people today!! :D I’m slowly getting better at my job which is nice :) originally I was only gonna work 4 hours, but there were more plants to get and I felt like I could keep going, so I ended up working 6 instead. Every time I come home from the end of my shift I feel bad for not working more and like I should have stayed longer. Tbh I think I could do it if I had a proper break! I’ve been doing 4 hour shifts with maybe a water break in the middle because i don’t know how to ask to go on break ;-; Ike my secondary boss in the garden center is super nice and approachable and friendly but the main boss is like. Terrifying. I never know when he’s joking or being serious and I don’t understand him and assffsfamms it SUCKS. But whatever, I went home and ate some Mac n cheese and laid in bed because my back hurt and played on my ds for the rest of the night. I tried a couple new games, none of which I spent very long on. I tried okami den where you’re the wolf puppy child of the precious games protagonist I think, and idk maybe I’ll give it a better try in the future, but I wasn’t feelin it. I spent like 30 minutes on a pro bass fishing simulator and couldn’t clear the first level because the fish wouldn’t get close enough to my boat lmao. Sonic and Mario at the Olympic Games was fun until I lost at table tennis to Mario. I’d play it again. But I have work again tomorrow so I gotta go to bed good night. Having to blast my fan and play drawfee on my phone to drown out moms tv again >:(

Ate a pbj for breakfast? Went to work, moved plants around, took my lunch break, went to subway with an expired coupon, ate at home and times it perfectly so I could watch one section of the new drawfee episode, went back to work, made myself sad thinking about the god girl homunculus from fullmetal alchemist, picked dead flowers off the petunias, left a little early, hung out at home, left to go get mom’s medicine, found my dad at the store, followed him around and shopped for a bit, can home to unload everything, talked with him about buying one of the cars from him so it would be under mom’s insurance after the divorce, talked about being able to hang out at dads apparent after we help him move, ate some of the stuff we bought, and now I’m hanging out in bed again. I picked up my Pokémon black save and played a while today which was nice. I think I’m gonna work more in the next few days, be really busy with shit for like a week, and finally have a breather after the 15th. I really need to switch brain gears back into college stuff soon so I can sign up for orientation and figure out finances and shit, but for now it’s midnight and I don’t have to think about it lol

Today was pretty good, but also pretty boring. I played Pokémon all day since I didn’t have work, cooked some hamburger meat, and went on an errand for mom but got the wrong thing so I went out later to buy the right thing. I got spicy chicharrones instead of regular ones oops. On my drive back from getting the right thing, I rolled all my windows down and loved the feeling of driving around right after sunset when the weather was nice but cool, especially after standing in mom’s loud-ass room trying to ask about her bank card. I thought about going back out to aimlessly drive around the park and back, but instead hung out in my kitchen as my cat fell asleep on my lap. I think I’m gonna get paid tomorrow, so that’s exciting :D I probably made a solid couple hundred dollars if I had to guess. Idk what I’m getting paid per hour, but it’s probably ~$10 and I COULD go through my texts again to see how much I’ve worked, but I don’t really wanna lmao. I should just start putting that in my notes app instead...

Just had probably the most involved, longest dream ever?? It was a mix of infinity train and dangenrompa, we were mostly stuck inside my house, one boy left for years to search for supplies, I tried biking along a tail that disappeared into tree roots and a ditch with grass, cried because we had been in the same car for so long I was afraid they were gonna make us kill someone to get past, and at the end we escaped or something and had to fuck up security cameras and get past loopholes and lots of cereal boxes were involved? Idk there’s just so much I don’t remember. I wasn't sure if I had to go to work today, so I sent my boss a text and just kinda hung out. was making  hamburger meat for my mom when my boss called asking me to come in, so I took a shower and worked from 1-5. spent some time at the register, and got way better at checking stuff out :) I learned a couple things, and there was one old lady in particular who was very patient and nice to me while my coworker went to go find a smaller bag of birdseed. when it stopped being busy inside, I went ut to the garden center to help price plants and spent the rest of my shift out there. I got paid too! $9 an hour, 22 hours, $200 in total. hell yeah. not bad, although I literally have no frame of reference on if this Is good or not. after work I went home for a second, then got Hardee’s (or carls jr in the western states). I used a coupon for chicken tenders for me and my sister :) and while I was driving around today, I found myself wishing that everything in life could be as smooth and easy as driving my car through my neighborhood. and then I kinda laughed thinking about how I cried my first time driving on a major road asdjfasjdhf. but seriously I love driving my dad’s silver Volvo!! its so comfy with 4 wheel drive and good petal control, its like always driving on freshly paved roads <3 unfortunately that's the car my dad is taking when he moves into his apartment to use as his full time car instead of his shit-ass blue Volvo, and we’re gonna be stuck with the red Volvo with a really touchy gas pedal and slow break pedal. (idk if you've noticed but we really love old Volvos in this family. they’re all old and boxy as hell and I love em <3 ) then I played Pokemon black and beat the elite 4 and champion in one try with a lot of revives lmao. I was kinda underleveled, right at 48-50 range, same as them. I was angry about stuff and in pain earlier in the shower as I washed my hair, but I dont remember exactly what it was. now I have my soft Spotify playlist going so I can maybe go to sleep soon. oh wait I remember being angry that all I could thin about all day was work, even tho it only takes up a few hours of my day, and then I do nothing all day afterwards. idk it’s just weird.

[atlanxic]

ok so i actually have an extensive arc-v/zexal crossover university au that i’ve talked a lot about on my private twitter and on discord but i think it’s time to put it all on tumblr. i wanted to make this all one post but i actually feel like it’s too much for that? so here’s part one of..... five or so?

yuuto, shun, and ruri lived in the same apartment complex as children, theyve known each other literally forever.

in middle school, yuuto & shun both discover hardcore/punk music and spend a couple years being kind of awkward and terrible about it until high school hits and they kind of level out. ruri teases them a lot for liking that awful racket but eventually she gets into it too, mostly because her and shun are kind of inseparable for quite some time. the three of them go to the local shitty music venue just about every weekend. for the first year or so ruri insists shes going to keep them out of trouble but like i said, she gets more into the music after a while.

shun and yuuto both mosh, shun probably more frequently than yuuto. they show up to school with bruises pretty often and rumours are started that they get in fights a lot or that theyre involved in a gang. there are also rumours that theyre dating, which dont go over very well, and result in them getting in actual fist fights a couple times. they try dating for like... 3 months in grade 7, and then decide that its weird and they work better as friends.

yuuto wears his hair in a mohawk for about a year before switching to the spiky mess we know and love. towards the end of middle school, they meet kaito at a prog-rock concert, all four of them pressed against the front rails together kaito and yuuto hit it off immediately, and exchange phone numbers after the show. shun is immensely suspicious. they text a lot, and then they start hanging out, and then they start going out. shun threatens to beat kaito up, kaito is fine with it, yuuto is not. etc.

meanwhile, ruri and sayaka meet in class. it doesn't even occur to shun to be suspicious of her until he catches them making out. he yells about it, sayaka is understandably frightened. ruri tells him off for scaring her girlfriend. she stays angry at him for longer than she has before. he eventually gives in and apologizes to both of them, but in a kind of dickish way.

yuuto and kaito break up towards the beginning of 11th grade. neither of them are upset about it, they stay friends. it was mostly because kaito felt like he needed to focus more on school, now that he's getting into college prep-level courses. yuuto cries about it once, and it takes several hours to convince shun that violence would be neither appropriate nor helpful.

all four of them move to a different city for college. sayaka goes to school in the town they grew up in. her and ruri stay in touch, but after half a year they decide that the long distance thing isn't working out for them. they still hang out when ruri and shun go back for the holidays, and its fairly bittersweet.

yuuto shun & ruri dont realize that kaito is going to the same school as them until all four of them are present at a queer alliance meet & greet. shun glares at him across the room for a while before yuuto notices he's there and goes over to say hello like a decent person. yuuto and kaito immediately hit it off again. theyre both kind of "fuck you grew into yourself really well im Gay."

immm gonna say that in first year, yuuto & shun live in the dorms together. they eventually decide the res life is not for them but. apartment hunting when youre like 18 and moving out for the first time is a bit much, so dorms it is.

anyway, shun catches yuuto and kaito making out in their shared dormroom like 3 fucking days after the meet and greet. kaito's expression is one of fear and conveys that he knows full well that shun is 2 seconds from beating him up. yuuto is kinda pissed off about it. yuuto and shun have a long conversation that night about how protective shun is. they fall asleep in each other's arms.

kaito avoids them for a little while, but the next time they see him, shun makes a genuine apology. yuuto and kaito start dating again a few weeks later. ruri is surprised and delighted about it. ruri ends up dormed with rin in first year.

they get along reasonably well, but they dont get close until rin accidentally lets slip that she's gay, and then ruri is like "oh thank god, me too." the context is probably: that yuugo visits them like basically every other day, and is Really Obviously In Love with rin, and rin's affectionate with him, so ruri just kind of assumes theyre dating. and at one point is like, do you want me to go somewhere else so you guys can make out, i could hang out with my brother tonight its nbd. yuugo blushes bright red and is like aaaaa its not like that, like, exactly like he does in canon. and rin's like “lmao im gay. i mean. what.”

ruri probably ids as pan? but anyway, shes like "ohhhh cool me too.” they both kind of stare at each other while this new info sinks in, and then yuugo says something and the moment is broken.

this is still a bit before yuugo's gay crisis

[later, during yuugo's gay crisis about yuuya] [rin] yuugo you had a crush on a boy in /middle school/ [yuugo] no i didnt i had a crush on you [rin] you used to complain to me about how hot he was like every lunch break [yuugo] that doesn't mean anything? [rin] obviously it does? how are you only realizing this now

ruri discovers that rin's been wanting to go to queer alliance meetings but has been too shy about it, so she drags her along. and someone mistakes them for yuzu and selena. idk who it would be..... sawatari maybe?

sawatari is like, Flaming Gay, a legitimate twink despite iding as bi.

anyway theyre like, thats not us, youre mistaken, and sawatari, instead of fucking off, is like, "holy fuck you have to meet them, you look so much the same it's eery." sawatari drags them through the party for like 20 minutes before actually finding yuzu and selena, and he's like "look i told you."

and all four of them are kind of like "holy fuck???" they get a selfie together, its not very good because the lighting is terrible, and they spend the rest of the evening hanging out.

yuzu and selena had a class together and hit it off immediately, theyre already dating. theyre a bit surprised to learn that ruri and rin /aren't/ dating. rin blushes at the suggestion and gets raised eyebrows all around. the four of them become fast friends and start getting lunch together and studying together on a regular basis.

ruri and rin meet yuuya through them, and because yuuya is friends with Everyone, they become friends as well. which sets the stage for yuuya and yuugo meeting, and yuugo's consequent gay crisis.

shun, ruri, and yuuto as pakistani immigrants, they arrived when they were very very young but they get a lot of shit for it anyway, especially ruri, who wears a hijab.

i figure the commons would be mostly latinx/mixed. so like, yuugo, rin, and shinji are all latinx. i rlly like the concept of black crow with a bleached-orange hi-top fade and subtle freckles. yuuya, yuzu, and gongenzaka can pprrobably be white? dennis could be ethnically jewish & light-skinned. fusion dimension crew are mostly japanese, so sora, yuuri, and selena. i.. am not really sure about reiji? following the theme i guess white/japanese mixed. tsukikage is japenese & immigrated like within his memory rather than a few generations back, he's bilingual. jack is latino and white-passing.

i like the concept of shun as a veterinary student, partly because i think he'd follow his interest in birds if things hadn't gone horribly wrong and partly because i find the idea of this edgy asshole in scrubs really funny. yuuto takes social work and ends up with crow as a teacher. yuuya, dennis, sawatari, and sora are all drama majors. yuuri is in botany. reiji is a law major, as well as being on the debate team and the student council. he never fuckign sleeps. shun also joins the debate team, and they do Not get along, but since debate team is the yelling hobby anyway, thats fine. yuzu is in the music program. selena is in poli-sci. yuugo stays in engineering. i dont, know about the rest of everyone.

conceptually, this is a north-eastern reasonably liberal college town, featuring two colleges and a trade school. one college is for the arc v kids, the other one will eventually be populated with zexal kids when i get to know them. kaito starts in zexal school and transfers at the beginning of second year. everyone is in first year rn except reiji and tsukikage, who are in second year, and also are dorming together, and also are gay.

so now that thats all set up!! back to the plot!!

ruri and rin meeting yuzu and selena happens a couple weeks after ruri and sayaka break up. selena hears about it and is like, hey if you need a rebound i can hook you up with someone, and ruri is like. "i feel like itd be disrespectful to date someone else before im over sayaka, ill stay single for a while." she never actually completely gets over sayaka, but she does eventually get enough emotional distance to move on. every time she goes home for the holidays they have awkward not-quite-gay moments.

much like in sfu, sawatari is loaded and hosts house parties whenever his father is away on business trips.

once the 4 girls are hanging out on a regular basis, they all sort of get to know each other's orbital boys. like rin and ruri get introduced to yuuya and get to know sawatari better. yuuya's goal is to be friends with absolutely everyone, and they make good progress on it.

yuzu and selena get to meet yuugo. yuugo is starry-eyed at all four of them, but alas, they are all too gay for him. at one point selena slaps him in the face and he spends like the next two weeks thinking about it lmao

likewise, they all get to meet shun. shun immediately decides that he is going to protect all of them. rin finds it kind of cute, yuzu finds it kind of weird, selena is outright offended about it. they get along a lot better with yuuto, since yuuto is just, easier to get along with. he joins their lunch dates once in a while, as does yuuya.

selena and yuuri met in their high school gsa and relentlessly gossip about everyone they meet. selena introduces yuuri to the rest of the girls exactly once, it does not go well. probably kye gives them all backhanded compliments. shun hears about this from ruri later and decides that yuuri is his enemy.

the first time yuuya and yuugo meet, its because the girls have invited both of them to lunch. yuuya introduces themself with a firm handshake and a wink. yuuya flirts a bit throughout the meal, as they tend to do. yuzu tells yuugo after the fact like, "dont mind them, theyre always like that." yuugo tries not to think about it much.

the second time they meet is at one of sawatari's giant house parties. yuuya, being slightly inebriated, is even more flirtacious than usual. yuugo gets it into his head that this is some kind of challenge, and refuses to back down from yuuyas advances until theyre in a closet together and yuuyas hand is up his shirt.

the next gay he visits rin to have a gay crisis. ruri politely sees herself out so they can talk.

i want to say shun is having a similar crisis about having come very close to having a one night stand with reiji. not because it was gay but because he hates the guy.

rin is exasperated but understanding, she rubs yuugo's back and calls him a pathetic baby while he whines. by the end of their conversation, yuugo has accepted that he's bi, and additionally, that making out is Great and he should do more of it. rin is slightly worried and gives him a safe sex talk, he yells and covers his ears during the entire thing.

meanwhile, shun is like "i fucking hate that guy why was it so satisfying to bite him" and ruri is like "bro i love you but thats way tmi, please do not tell me about your sadistic hatesex kink or whatever the fuck it is youre trying to convey." yuuto, also present, is like "i cant believe you made out with that asshole, and you still have the nerve to get angry at basically anyone i kiss for no fucking reason." shun swears up and down that it will not happen again, and also says that he has already apologized several times for being possessive about both of them, please let him live it down.

(it absolutely does happen again.)

(the second time they actually do go all the way, it is the best sex of shun's life, and he's upset about it.)

[yuuto voice] you have a Problem, why cant you date someone decent and have vanilla sex like the rest of us

rin slowly develops a huge crush on ruri. when she tells yuugo about it, hes like "yeah she's really pretty i completely understand."