#(and now i made myself REALLY sad thinking about mario remembering this conversation a little later and wondering

[chloecherrysip]

"I hope you told your brother how much you loved him, because you're probably never gonna see him again."

"..."

"Was that too dark?"

"YES!"

"Sorry."

[ronance4everbrainrot]

Stranger things incorrect quote generator (feat. My new AU, +Max and then Max and her Moms)

Pt 8

Murray adopting Robin

Murray: Remember, Robin, don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Robin: I think I crossed that line when I got a date.

(well he just got roasted)

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Robin: *running towards Murray with open arms*

Murray: *moves out of the way*

Robin: Hey, why'd you move?!

Murray: I thought you were going to attack me.

Robin: I was going to hug you!

Murray: Why would you hug me?

Robin: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

(Honestly the "why would you hug me part" is the best and also sad 😂😭)

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Robin: Thank you for not saying "I told you so."

Murray: When you’re as right as I am, you don’t have to say it.

(After Ronance started dating and Robin didn't believe him that Nancy liked her)

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Murray: Do you have any idea what you’re doing?

Robin: Why start now?

(when he tries to help her with the Nancy situatio lol)

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Robin: I'd roast you, but my dad says you can't burn trash.

Robin: *slow-mo walks out of the room*

(I just imagine her and Steve doing that old tik tok trend🤣)

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Robin, to Murray: You're not Mario. Lets get something fucking straight, you're Luigi at best.

(I don't even know how to comprehend this)

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Murray: When was the last time you cried?

Robin: Uh 15 minutes ago, why??

Murray: really? That recent?

Robin: Yeah *voice crack* is that a issue? *starts crying again*

(if you saw my recent post about this AU, you should have an idea of why she's crying)

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Murray: What’s the straightest thing you’ve ever done?

Robin: *sighs*

Robin: I killed a man.

(She finally is in this quote ✨)

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Murray: Pick a card, any card.

Robin: Fine.

Murray: Wait, that's my credit card!

Robin: You said any card.

(Ye Murray, you said any card)

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Murray: You believe me?

Robin: Murray, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

(This is so funny and wholesome. I love it, but it's also sad 😪)

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Murray: If I ever had a child, I imagine they would be a lot like you.

Robin: Aww, thanks—

Murray: Which is probably why I’ve never reproduced.

(Cute but also oof)

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Murray: I’ve only had Robin for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

(now this. This is adorable)

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Robin: I made tea.

Murray: I don't want tea.

Robin: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.

Murray: Then why did you tell me?

Robin: It's a conversation starter.

Murray: It's a horrible conversation starter.

Robin: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

(She would do that with everyone so they wouldn't just sit in silence)

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Robin: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.

Murray: And you came to me?

(Well you're her dad now, so yes)

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[+Max]

Murray: I hate you sometimes.

Robin: Well according to this picture Max drew of us holding hands that's not true.

Murray: Robin, you drew that.

Robin: It doesn't matter.

(She drew herself with her dad and her daughter 👍)

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Robin: Hey, Murray. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Murray: To get to the other side?

Robin: You were supposed to say “I dunno, why?“

Murray: Uh... fine. I don’t know. Why did it cross the road?

Robin: To get to the idiot’s house.

Murray: ...Ok?

Max: Hey, Murray. Knock knock.

Murray: No.

Max: You were supposed to say “who’s there?”

Murray: Fine... let’s get this over with. Who’s there?

Max: The chicken.

Murray:

Max:

Robin:

Murray: Listen here you little shits-

(He secretly loves them, but he hates it just as much)

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Max: How high are you?

Robin: Mm, I don’t know how to say it in feet.

Murray: No, they’re asking what drugs are you on.

Robin: Oh, antidepressants, why?

(She would definitely do that tik tok with that achievement thing and then "I don't take birth control, I'm a lesbian")

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

*Something crashes*

Max: Shoot-

Robin: *running into the room in a panic* WHAT FELL?!

Murray: *walking by the room calmly* What died?

(panicked Mother, Calm Grandpa)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Robin & Max: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*

Robin: We need an adult!

Max: Robin, you are an adult!

Robin: We need an adultier adult! Get Murray!

(She is, but she isn't)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Murray: When you work at lush and a customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese... this happens way more frequently than you think.

Max: If you stopped literally presenting soap as deli food this wouldn't happen.

Murray: Who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese?

Robin: Who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese?

(No, she got a point. I mean if it's a full on block of cheese and not those samples, than what the hell 😂 i mean I'd love to do that but I wouldn't)

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Murray: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!

Max: You left me and Robin in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.

Murray: I did that on purpose, try again.

(Grandpa and Granddaughter bonding✨)

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[Max and her Moms]

Nancy: *yawns*

Robin: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Nancy: Then you must be exhuasted.

Max: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

(well then go ask out El or Lucas)

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Robin: *gets a text* Oh! It’s Nance.

Max, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff?

Robin: Yeah, they say they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.

Max: Wow! Where’d they find 12 gallons of fake blood?

Robin: You wanted fake blood?

Max:

Robin: I’ll go call Nance.

(Nancy, a Vampire??👀)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nancy, about Robin: They're covered in blood again. Why is it they're always covered in blood?

Max: Well, it looks like it's their own blood this time.

(Robin, a werewolf??👀 Who is hurt🥺)

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Max: Nancy, I know you love Robin. I mean, we all do, they’re a very nice person and I respect them immensely.

Max: But I think they might be a fucking idiot.

(What did she do this time)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Robin: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Max's birthday invitations.

Nancy: Well, what are they supposed to say?

Robin: "Max's birthday".

Nancy: So, what do they say instead?

Robin: "Max’s bi".

Nancy:

Nancy: Works out either way.

(It does)

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Max: Hey, Joe said he's coming over this afternoon.

Robin: Cool.

Max: Do you know who Joe is?

Robin: JOE MAMA!

Nancy, not even looking up from their phone: Damn, that backfired.

(It did)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Robin & Nancy: Surprise! We're having a baby!

Max: What?!

Robin & Nancy: *pull out adoption papers* It's you!

(I've finally got it.. unless it's in one of the others already I don't remember lol)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Robin: They can't make me admit France exists, right? Legally, that's not allowed.

Robin: Sure, if France was REAL I'd say I liked it.

Robin: But who's to say.

Max: I think France isn't real.

Nancy: Max, you've been to France.

Max: And???

(I don't know what going on, but it involves France so I kept it)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Max: When will Ted himself...finally show up to the talk?

Robin: The final boss.

Nancy: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right?

Max: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!

(Honestly, they just make fun of her Dad)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nancy: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.

Robin: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.

Nancy: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.

Max, on a walkie talkie: This is Max, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

(Sometimes she hates her Moms)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Max: There was a motor close to where I am right now.

Nancy: A motor- a motorcycle?

Max: Oh sorry, a murder.

Robin: That escalated quickly.

(if they had phones and Max texted her Moms in S4 after Chrissy died)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Max: I will find us a covered wagon and horses.

Max: If you two can manage to not kill each other while I'm gone.

Robin: Oh, please. We're not children.

*Max leaves*

Robin, casually: ...Eat shit and die.

Nancy, also casually: Yes, fuck you.

(enemies to lovers ✨)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Robin: Guys, I didn’t memorize my lines!

Max: Just use your lack of common sense! Everyone knows the characters in plays are dumb as fuck!

*During the play*

Nancy: Hey! You finally made it! Did you get the donuts?

Robin: W-what’re donuts?

(not that dumb)

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Robin: I like to think of myself as a semi responsible adult here.

Max: Nancy is 70% of your impulse control and you know this Robin.

Nancy: I feel like Robin is the more responsible one of us two though.

Robin: We are both 70% of each others' impulse control.

Nancy: Just two lil beasts in pinwheel hats spinning on the merry-go-round at dangerous velocities, holding each other’s hands so the other doesn’t fall off.

(🥺)

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Nancy, at Max: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Robin, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

(Ronance lives together and Robin wants to adopt Max)

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Robin, to Max: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up!

Max: *proceeds to kick them in the shin and run away*

Nancy, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Max cute or small.

(Big mistake, only El is allowed to say it)

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Max: *sneaking in through their window*

Robin: *turning in their chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night?

Max: I was with Nancy?

Nancy: *turning in their chair* Wanna try again?

(dum dum duuuu)

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The next one is gonna have Dustin and his Dads (idk when I'm gonna post it tho)

(I love that the first letter is the same, Dustin and his Dads, Max and her Moms 😂)

Also Sapphic Senate while be in the next one.

[chaoticrumii]

A LITTLE MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP

summary : kazunari seems odd, and although he denies it, you see right through his lies. the falsehood of his own existence is eating away at him, and as a good friend, you do your best to try and assist him.

genre : fluff

perspective : second person pov

pairing : kazunari miyoshi x gn!reader ( they / them pronouns )

word count : 1.5k

warnings : spoilers for kazunari miyoshi’s backstory

“ director-chan~ ♪ ! looking forward to work today too ☆ ” - kazunari miyoshi ( introduction voice lines )

You had always believed that Kazunari had something to hide. Not in the shady sense, but something was definitely off about him. It wasn’t in the way he laughed, nor in the way that he would grin and wave at almost all the people walking down the street.

Those were just his quirky qualities, weren’t they? Yet again, maybe not. It was hard to tell in the midst of all his hellos and goodbyes whenever he would meet up with you, and the constant texting to other friends on his phone. The way he would act was normal for someone with connections like his, but something was itching in the back of your mind.

It’s strange, it’s strange, it’s strange.

It bothered you immensely, although you had told yourself you would leave it alone. One day when the two of you were hanging out in a cafe, you just couldn’t keep all the questions in.

“Hey Kazunari, are you okay?” You asked.

He looked up at you from his phone, and cocked his head to the side questioningly.

“What do you mean, Y/N? I’m completely fine! Thank you for worrying about me though!” He said, grinning with that smile of his.

“No. There’s definitely something you’re hiding from me.” You pushed, crossing your arms over your chest.

Kazunari’s face morphed into one of confusion, his brows furrowing as he brought his cup up to his lips and sipped on his drink. He placed it back onto the small coffee table with a tiny clang, looking you dead in the eyes.

“I’m really okay, Y/N. There’s nothing wrong with me, and I hope you don’t continuously worry about me like this.” He said quickly.

You didn’t believe it for a second, but then again, you couldn’t really describe how weird he had been acting ever since you’d first met. It was still an enjoyable experience though, and you thoroughly wished you could get to know him even better than you currently did. Hopefully one day you’d be able to gently tug that secret he was hiding out of him.

“Anyway, do you wanna go anywhere? You promised me a day of friendly fun together, right?” You asked, slumping back into the soft armchair.

“You can decide! I’m good with any place you want to head to.” Kazunari said, typing on his phone again.

“But like, do you wanna go anywhere? I don’t really have anything in my brain right now, but I want to go somewhere exciting.” You said, waving your fist in the air, imaging a large rollercoaster that you and Kazunari could ride together.

“Well, it would be cool if we... you know what, you can make the choice. It’s me who invited you to hang out, and I really don’t mind where we go to!” He said again, waving his hands in front of him, shrugging it off.

Like you had thought previously, his behavior was only getting increasingly strange by the second. It was still worrying, and since you didn’t seem to be getting anywhere with what you were attempting to do. Instead, it seemed better to take a different approach. You pushed yourself out of your chair, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder.

“Well, I think I’ll head home for today. It was nice seeing you!” You said, walking out the door, leaving Kazunari dumbfounded as he sat there in the cafe.

Of course, before leaving you slipped a few bucks into his jacket. It wouldn’t seem right to leave him to pay for your drink as well. It wasn’t that you wanted to stand him up like that, but if you wanted him to open up about what he was hiding, he’d have to do it on his own, and willingly so. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time for it.

First thing the next morning, you had received a text from the one, the only  Kazunari☆. He had asked you to meet him in a few days at an arcade. It was slightly strange, since he never showed a large interest in playing games at all, other than the occasional Mahjong game with some of his friends he’d invite over. You couldn’t really remember any of them other than one called Citron, who seemed to wrongly pronounce and speak a lot of Japanese words. It was hilarious though, and you’d enjoyed conversing with him when the Mahjong sessions would occur.

You couldn’t stop thinking about how Kazunari had acted in the few days between when you were going to see him again. What was he hiding? From how he was acting it was plainly obvious that something was going on. It was just a matter of what it was. Of course, you planned to accept it regardless of what he told you, and as time ticked by, you silently hoped it wasn’t something illegal.

The day had come for when you were going to meet Kazunari at the arcade he had sent an address to on your phone. It was a rather old arcade, and a lot of the games seemed to come from a decade ago. At least that was what you could see from the outside of the shop. Who knew Kazunari was into this kind of stuff?

“Boo.”

You turned to feel arms wrapping around your middle, hands squeezing tightly around your waist and a familiar chuckle emitting from the tall, green eyed boy behind you. Kazunari was wearing his hat and classic THREE THREE THREE shirt, and he was wearing a small smile on his face as he grabbed your hand.

“Come on, we’re playing Mario Kart.”

“Is there any reason why you brought me here? Didn’t know you were into this kind of stuff, and even if you were, you never told me.” You asked, tilting your head to the side as he dragged you through the aisles and aisles of arcade games, to stop at the large Mario Kart set-up.

“I used to really like these back in middle school, but I stopped for a while because I was bullied for being a nerd.” He said, a sad smile etching across his features.

“Wait, Kazunari-”

“Regardless, let’s play a few rounds. If you can beat me, I’ll tell you the full story.” He said, smirking mischievously as he placed his hands on the wheel in front of him.

“You’re on.”

And so, the fight ensued. After multiple rounds of intense mushroom consumption and shell throwing, you had won two out of five matches. You sighed to yourself, feeling the failure sink in slowly. You wouldn’t even be able to hear about what he had to say this way. You were only a few seconds off.

“I really was thinking you were going to beat me, Y/N. Still, I’ll tell you all about what happened.” He said, tapping you lightly on your defeated figure, which bounded up the moment he had said that.

“In short, I fabricated a lot about myself, and my own life to fit the people I wanted to impress. People just thought that was my personality, befriending others and being an overall very popular person. I didn’t think anyone would ever pick up on the fact that I was lying to all of my friends. Some of them, to an extent, aren’t even my friends. Certain relationships I have are quite shallow, to say the least, and I can’t help but feel guilty that they are so. Still, I was able to grow close to you.” He said, looking towards you with a grateful smile, one that made his eyes twinkle as he gazed at you.

“It was something strange that had urged me to become closer to you, and I didn’t really know what it was. I guess now I know. You were able to see through the facades I had put up and see me for me. And I thank you for that, truly.”

Kazunari leaned his forehead onto yours from where he was seated on the machine, his hat in his hands, fiddling with it slowly as he closed his eyes and simply felt you next to him. Your heart was beating at 200 miles per hour, and you let a smile spread across your face.

“No problem...?” You mumbled, unsure of what to reply with.

He laughed, a hearty laugh that echoed through the silent arcade, only faint grunts and the clicking of keys in the background. 

“I want to get to know you better, Y/N.” He whispered, grasping your hand in his.

“In the friendship kind of way?” You stuttered, silently letting loose a slew of curse words that you had managed to stutter while talking to him.

“Mm, maybe a little more than friendship.” 

::

written = 20.07.2021

proofread = 23.07.2021

© chaoticrumii 2021 ; all rights reserved ; please do not copy / reference / utilise my works without credit

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #791: Wrath of the Certified Moms (Super Smash Bros Ultimate)

4:23 p.m. at Smash Mansion's Dining Hall......

It was quiet and Intense afternoon at the Mansion of Smash as everyone hides away and watch an unfazed Kazuya have himself a conversation with the Certified Moms Squads, who are not very happy with him at the point.

Peach: Mr. Kazuya. (Crosses Her Arms in a Not Pleased Yet Professional Like Manner) I take it that you are wondering why we wanted to talk to you at this very moment, yes?

Kazuya: No. I don't actually. But since we're here.....(Slams Two of his Feet On the Table One By One) Let's talk.

Samus: What the hell are you doing?

Kazuya: (Raised an Eyebrow at the Bounty Hunter Glaring at Him) Pardon?

Daisy: (Glares at Kazuya as Well) You heard the lady, buster. Why the hell do you have your crumby feet on the table!?

Kazuya: What? Am I not supposed to do that here or something?

Rosalina: (Simply Nodded) That is right. It's very rude and thoughtless.

Isabella: Not to mention unsanitary.

Tifa: This might be our first time meeting one another.....(Glares at Kazuya Harsh) But I know for a fact that you weren't raised on a damn farm.

Samus: Exactly. So if you know what's good for you going forward....(Starts Gritting her Teeth) We suggest you take your feet off the fucking table. Right now.

Kazuya: (Starts at the Glaring for a Brief Second Before Scoffing a Bit in Defeat as He Reluctantly Did What He Was Told) There. Happy?

Samus: (Glare Pierce Harder at the Man) Very.

Peach: ('Sigh') Now with that out of the way, Mr. Kazuya, after you fought Ganondorf and threw him off a cliff, is it true that you tried to do the same to Pit and Kirby afterwards?

Kazuya: What? You mean the Angel Boy and Pink Puffball? ('Heh') Yeah. I did. What of it?

Palutena: (Immediately Gets Up and Angrily Slams her Hands on the Table) ('SLAM') WHAT OF IT!? YOU ALMOST KILLED MY BABY, YOU MURDEROUS PIECE OF-

Bayonetta: (Immediately Got Up and Place Her Hands on Palutena's Shoulders to Calm her Down) Paulie dear, please. Calm yourself.

Tifa: (Gently Place her Hand on Top of Palutena's) Bayo's right. Don't let him get to you like this.

Palutena: How can you all expect me to be calm in a time like that!? (Tears Starts Falling Down on her Face) Have you forgotten what that bastard done to Pit!?

Peach: (Turns Around to Palutena with a Worried yet Understanding Frown on her Face) We understand how you feel completely, dear. Which is all the more reasons why you should let me do all the talking. You do trust us, right?

Palutena: Of course I do. ('Sniff') You girls are my family...('Sniff') I just....I just can't help not being upset, you know?

Bayonetta: (Gently Pulls Palutena into a Loving Hug) I know, my sweet, beautiful goddess. I know. But we all need to pull ourselves together and get Peach handle this. For our babies sake.

Palutena begins to looks up and see Pit, Kirby, and the Phantom Thieves hiding behind the living room's wall, witnessing everything going down in the dining hall.

Palutena: (Sighs While Finally Calming Herself Down) Right. I do need to pull myself together. (Turns to Pit While Quietly Saying 'I Love You' to Him With a Sad Smile Before Sitting Back Down)

Pit: (Smiles Softly) I love you too, mom

Kazuya: (Suddenly Starts to Chuckle Evilly For Almost Everyone in the Mansion to Hear)

Peach: (Raised an Eye Brow at Kazuya in a Very Unamused Manner) Something's funny to you, Kazuya?

Kazuya: Yes, actually. Here I thought participating in this kind of tournament would be somewhat interesting. I'd never imagined how pathetically soft amd weak minded all of you really are. But I suppose be too shouldn't be surprised by the outcome, since you have an embarrassment of a tyrant king and an annoying puffball as one of your competitors.

Ganondorf: (Growling Angry at Kazuya from the Distance With the Other League of Villains Members)

Kazuya: And worthless angel boy of yours was easily the weakest of them all that it's laughable at best.

Pit starts to frown sadly by Kazuya's words until Ren place a hand onto his shoulder while giving him a reassuring look that feels him to not to believe a single word he says. This, in it if itself, actually helps calm the angel down immensely.

Kazuya: Hell, he's better off being dead if any-

'CRASH'

Without a second thought, Peach angrily punched down the table I front of her, the ladies, and Kazuya so hard that it crumbles to the ground, easily breaking it into small, tiny pieces, much everyone's surprise and shock.

Bowser: Holy........

Samus: ........Shit........

Ryuji: (From the Living Room) EXCLAMATION MARK!!!!

Kazuya: (Starts Smirking at the Angered Princess While Being Unfazed by the Sudden Event) What's this now? Did I do finally struck a nerve, your highness?

Peach: (Immediately Grabs Kazuya By the Collar While Giving the Most Darkest, Piercing Glare Imaginable, Even For Her) Listen here, you insufferable, arrogant creep! I don't what made you the way you are right now, and frankly, I don't give a single damn about it at this point! All you need to know that if you're planning on continuing to set foot in this mansion, you don't EVER insult my babies and harm my family ever again! YOU HEAR ME!?

Daisy: (Immediately Got Up to Calm Peach Down) Woah there, cuz. Take it easy for us, okay?

Samus: (Got Up and Calm Peach Down as Well) Daisy's right, Peach. He's not worth the trouble at this point......

Peach looks back and forth the girls and Kazuya for a few seconds before finally calming herself down.

Peach: ('Sighs in Defeat') Okay......(Finally Let's Go of Kazuya) I suppose I should apologize for what happened just now. It wasn't lady like of me.

Daisy: (Chuckles Lightly) Are you kidding me? That was most badass thing I've ever seen yet! (Happily Hugs Peach) And it was all caused by my favorite cuz~

Peach: (Giggles Softly) I'm your only cousin, Daisy.

Samus: Yeah I'm gonna have to agree with Daisy this on. (Smirks a bit Playfully at Peach) I did not expect you to be this hardcore. I'm proud. Though, I think we might need to replace that table in a little bit.

Peach: (Giggles Softly Some More) I know. Thanks, you guys.

Kazuya: (Watches the Trio While Fixing his Collar and Shirt) ('Tch') Knew I should've ignored them if I had the chance.......

Peach: Kazuya Mishima!

Kazuya: (Turns Back to Peach) Yeah? What?

Peach: (Crosses her Arms While Glaring Darkly at Kazuya Again) Remember this well: If I EVER hear you pulled this stunt again, I will NOT hesitate to kick you out of this mansion and ban you from ever taking part of this tournament! Do you understand me!?

Kazuya was able to say something to the princess until his eyes suddenly begins to widened, as he comes to the realization that Peach's glare is starting to remind him of a woman from past. Who happens to be his deceased mother, Kazumi Mishima. It wasn't too long until he suddenly begins to get down on his knees and bow himself down to the princess in a traditional like manner, much everyone complete surprise.

Kazuya: I apologise for my foolish actions. It will never happen again.....

Peach: (Couldn't Believe What She's Seeing in Front of Her) Oh my.......I-I Mean! (Starts Clearing Her Throat Before Turning Away From the Fallen Man) As long as you got message, we'll hold you to it. Let's go, ladies. (Begins to Walks Away with Other Ladies Following Her)

Palutena gives one last harsh glare at Kazuya before walking away with the others. Leaving him to his lonesome self altogether. (While Still Being in a Bowing like Position).

Meanwhile.....

Bowser: (Eyes Widened After Witnessing Everything That Went Down Just Now) Well.........That happened?

Hades: (Starts Snicking) I know, right? Who would've thought the Devil Boy got whipped so easily?

Sephiroth: (Carrying Pichu in his Arms) I'm more surprise on how strong the princess has gotten. Mario's a lucky man.

Bowser: ('Tch') (Crosses his Arms While Looking Away) Yeah. Lucky jackass, bastard.....

Ganondorf: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ridley: (Turns to Ganondorf) What gotten you in a good mood?

Ganondorf: Seeing this warm grovelling on the floor! (Crosses his Arms While Smirking Evilly and Triumphantly) Knew he wasn't shit from the beginning.

Ridley: But didn't he still beat you and threw you off a cliff?

Ganondorf: (Slowly Turns to Ridley with a Deadpinned Glare) Do you want me throw you off a cliff instead, Ridley?

Ridley: ('Sigh') No.......

Bowser: (Looking at Kazuya Shaking Slightly in the Ground From a Distance) Uhh....Guys? I think the new guy's crying over here. Saying about missing his mom or whatever.....

Hades: Ah yeah. Forgot to mention this sooner, but his mom died when he was little. Just found that one out when I was reading his inner thoughts earlier. So.....oops.

Sephiroth: The loss of a loving mother is never an easy feeling. He has my pity.

Pichu: (Nodded in Agreement) Pika. Pi.

Ganondorf: ('Scoffs') He can cry about her all he wants. (Starts Walking Away) He'll no sympathy from me.

Elsewhere in the Fitness Gym.......

Ike: (Paused his Training Session For a Moment) Hm?......... (Shrugs Before Resuming his Workout)

@keyenuta

@princekirijo

@caleb13frede

@cyber-wildcat

@26shann

@ma-lemons

@albion-93

[marrys-dream-world]

lovers alone wear sunlight (chapter seven)

Chapter One  Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six

Read on AO3

Notes: I’m so not gonna finish this fic before july. Day 19: Chat-like. @ladrienjune​

Ladybug became more subdued after that night.

There hasn’t been anything new going on, she had insisted, and no, it wasn’t about her fight with Chat Noir. But her eyes were downcast more often than not and the bags under her eyes were so dark they looked like bruises, so Adrien couldn’t just let it go. He wondered, briefly, if it had been the weather dragging her down as the rainy and gloomy season had descended upon them. Ladybug hadn’t liked the cold since she got her miraculous, he knew, and had always made sure to have a cup of her favorite hot cocoa ready when they met up for patrol.

Then again, everyone around him had been in a foul mood, these days. His father seemed… frustrated. Adrien liked to think it was because of the silent treatment he had been receiving from his son, but he was not in the mindset for unrealistic fantasies. He probably missed Nathalie or Adrien’s mother or simply having anyone he remotely liked in the house. School, although a bit better than his house, had become tense, the whole class somehow aware that he and Marinette were going through a break in their “relationship”.

Even worse, Marinette wouldn’t look at him on the face.

“She needs time, dude.” Nino had said, a comforting hand on his shoulder as Marinette bails as soon as the bell rings. “It’s not about you.”

(Alya, following after Marinette, throws him a conflicted look before disappearing into the hall. Adrien spends the night awake thinking about what it could mean.)

“Listen to your friend, kid.” Plagg tried to comfort him, for once not demanding cheese as soon as they were alone. “Pigtails probably doesn’t know what to say.”

Ladybug, always willing to talk about his problems, was surprisingly unhelpful.

“I don’t really know Marinette that well, Adrien, I’m sorry.” She said, avoiding his gaze. “But… Nino is right. I think she needs space right now.”

Some nights he itched to activate his miraculous and leap into the city nights until he found the balcony on top of Tom & Sabine’s. He never did.

It’s because you’re a coward. A girl’s voice whispered in his mind. Half the time he swore it was Marinette, but the other half he was sure it was Ladybug.

I know. He answered, staring at the ceiling.

So Adrien went to his favorite mechanism to cope through his problems: pretend they don’t exist at all. Fortunately, his melancholic girlfriend provided a great distraction.

The usual distractions were useless. She barely tried at all in video games and her eyes didn’t even spark at the set of special drawing pens (recommended by Nathaniel) that he got her. Their conversations seemed to fall apart without getting anywhere and she just wanted to cuddle quietly, staring sightlessly into the horizon. One day, he got the courage to ask her if he did anything wrong.

Her sigh paralyzed him. 

“I’m sorry, handsome, it’s not you at all. I just… had an awkward situation with a friend and I can’t stop overthinking it.” She said, pausing to hug him and bury her face into his neck. “It’s not his fault. Nor mine, really, but… I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do.”

She cried quietly in his arms. His heart squeezed with guilt about how much it reminded him of Marinette and that night on her balcony.

His next plan to cheer her up was, perhaps, a little risky. But she did say she liked his jokes, right?

It was a movie night. Adrien had finally gotten permission to choose a movie after that Ladybug dubbed The Coraline Incident. Fortunately, she had been so shocked he hadn’t watched The Hunchback of Notre Dame (“That’s the Disney movie set in France. Next you’ll tell me you haven’t watched Ratatouille- no, stop that, you’re making fun of me. Say syke right now, Adrien”) yet that she didn’t even argue. It was nice to see some of that fire light up in her eyes again, even if for a small moment. 

“Here.” He said, handing her their bowl of popcorn with a quantity of butter that was certainly not pre-approved by his nutritionist.

“Thanks.” Ladybug answered absentmindedly as she set up the movie on his tv. Seeing her so at ease with his things made his heart swell up.

“There is nothing better than a movie and popcorn together.” He said casually and she nodded. “They are butter together.”

It sounded better in my head. He thought, and wasn’t that the story of his life?

Ladybug stared at him for a moment, remote dropping from her limp hand. He was about to apologize before she burst into laughter.

“That’s so l-lame.” She said, trying to catch her breath.

“You mean the joke is corny?”

Her laughter, that was starting to subside, came back in full strength and he couldn’t hold back his proud smile.

“I haven’t heard such a bad joke since…” Ladybug said after she calmed down, smile falling from her face.

“Hey.” Adrien said, nudging her with his shoulder. “How about we just watch the movie?”

She nodded, leaning against his shoulder. But she smiled at Quasimodo and sang along to the songs, looking much lighter than she had in a week. 

(He watched her more than the movie, he could admit. Part of it was because he was so in love with her it was stupid and could watch her for hours. The other part was because the way Frollo treated Quasimodo made his skin crawl in a way he couldn’t place.)

Now knowing what cheered her up, he kept it up in every situation he could. 

“I asked a french man if he played video games.” He said solemnly, during a round of Mario Kart. “He said Wii.”

“I don’t get the point of decimals.” He said as he explained a math problem to her. Their math books were standard in schools across Paris, apparently. “I’m more partial to fractions.”

“This is great.” He said at the impromptu indoors picnic session after she suddenly brought a passion fruit cake. “Couldn’t have done it batter myself.”

She always reacted the same away: startled, eyes widening and mouth gaping before she began to laugh, the beautiful sound reminding him of bells. It filled the room and it was like bathing in sunshine. Then, after she finished giggling, she would settle into a mildly melancholic mood. It came to its climax on a dark, rainy afternoon.

“Thanks.” Ladybug said, grabbing the blanket he gave her. Her eyes were droppy as she watched the drizzle, shivering before wrapping herself up.

“I see Paris’ prettiest superhero likes to work undercover.” He said, preparing himself to get drunk on her airy giggles.

But she didn’t laugh this time, just fixed her gaze on him before sighing and clutching her blanket. 

“Hey.” He said, sitting beside her on the couch. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Not, not really, it’s just…” Ladybug said, looking straight ahead to the window. “You just remind me a lot of Chat Noir when you say things like that.”

His heart stopped. “I do?”

“Yeah, you do.” She snorted. "It 's weird.”

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why is it weird?”

She turned to look at his face. “I mean, you’re my boyfriend and he’s my partner. I don’t usually think of you two as similar at all.”

“Why? You don’t think I would make a good superhero partner?” He teased, watching a small smile bloom on her face. “Or you don’t think Chat Noir would make a good boyfriend?”

He expected her to roll her eyes and say a sassy “jealous?”, not the blush and avoidance of his eyes.

“It’s n-not that at all!” She said, kneading the couch with her hands.

“Ladybug… do you like Chat Noir or something?” He asked, not even knowing what answer he wanted. 

“What?! No, I don’t like Chat Noir! I mean, yes, I like him, but as a friend! He 's my friend. We’re friend!” She defended fiercely, before deflating. “At least we used to be.”

“My hero…” Adrien said, words of comfort hanging on the tip of his tongue. 

“No, really, I need you to understand this: I’m not into Chat Noir, okay?” Ladybug said, firmly. “Even if I was, it’s not like we can be together, anyways.”

“I’m sorry for saying that, it’s just that you’re Ladybug and Chat Noir, you know?” He said, vaguely gesturing as he said their hero names. “And it’s not like you guys are going to fight forever. I know you’re trying to stop me from feeling jealous, but I don’t think this would stop you from being together.”

“It’s not that, Adrien, it’s way more complicated.” She said. “Look, I didn’t even think about Chat Noir that way until very recently. When we started out I thought he was a flirt, that he didn’t mean what he said at all. And then I hurt him and I found out that yes, he does like seriously. Who would have thought?”

Anyone with eyes. He refrained from saying, remembering the dozens of forums talking about the lovesick eyes Chat Noir sent Ladybug’s way far before Glaciator was even in Hawkmoth’s mind. 

“Even then I couldn’t see him romantically. There was this boy, you see.” Ladybug said and he tensed, as he always did when she mentioned the other boy. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m over him and I found he has a girlfriend now. I’m happy for him.”

She sounded genuinely happy and he wondered, not for the first time, what changed. His traitorous heart was both happy and sad because maybe it was him, but why wasn’t it Chat Noir?

“But for the longest time, I was absolutely gone for this guy, my classmate. I thought about him every second of the day and I could barely hold a conversation. I was scared he would never notice me and that he would notice me and…” She broke off, swallowing hard. “It doesn’t matter, because the point is: I was so crazy about this guy and I couldn’t think about anyone else, especially Chat Noir.”

“What made you think about Chat Noir romantically, then?” He asked and continued at her surprised face. “You said you didn’t think about him that way until recently.” 

“I… can’t tell you.It’s not because I don’t trust you!” She hurried to explain at his crestfallen expression. “I just think he should be the first to know. It’s… not a nice story. There was an akuma, an incredibly strong one, and nobody remembers but me and Bunnyx, this time traveling superhero.”

She shuddered and burrowed herself deeper into her blanket.

“I haven’t really talked about it with anyone. Not my friend who knows who I am, not even my kwami.” She confessed. “I want to talk to Chat, to be sure that what happened that time would never happen again. But I can’t because I’m scared.”

“My love…” He said, wrapping her in his arms even as he felt like his heart was trying o climb out of his throat and dread pooling in his stomach. 

“It was my fault, Adrien.” She whispered against his chest. “I can’t let that happen. I can’t happen whatever love there is between me and Chat Noir destroy the world.”

With that, she quieted down, not knowing what storm her words brewed inside Adrien’s chest.

[loudsuitlover]

Doctor Harry XXXII. The End of the Road

A/N: This is it folks! The end of the road... I want to thank you all for every message and for that, especially my love anon (now not anon anymore) because seriously you’ve been the wind blowing on my sail. 

Also like I’ve said, I’m all in for blurbs into Harry’s and Indie’s life together so I might surprise you with some when you least expect them ;) Thank you thank you thank you 

BLUE’S POV

My hands are sticky and trembling as I wait on the line. The dim lights really give the café such a cosy sense to it and the dark brown of the furniture and the bricks also make it look like you were inside an auburn tree. It also smells delicious, like cookies and cinnamon and berries deliciously mixed with the strong scent of coffee.

My heart stops beating as I stand before her with just the desk and the vintage looking cashier between us. She hasn’t yet looked at me when she asks.

“What would you like to have, dea-?”

Her tone dies down when her hazel eyes finally set on me and mine investigate hers as I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Indie.” She whispers.

I give her a timid smile. Dylan’s mum calls someone named Molly and asks her to take care of the cashier as she comes out from behind the desk. She’s wearing an apples-pattern apron tied around her waist and her hair, shorter now than ever, is barely coming out of a low ponytail on the back of her neck. She lets out what could be described as a nervous chuckle when she stands closer to me. I can tell she doesn’t know how to greet me so I give her a hug. Her arms wrap around me and I feel her sighing against my chest.

“Let me get us a cup of coffee and a muffin.”

I stand there watching her work and hold the cute lilac plate with the huge muffin when she tells me and she takes both our coffee cups with tiny plates underneath to a table near one of the windows. It’s raining outside but it’s nice to watch and hear the rain from inside the café. The fire is lit so it’s nice and warm inside too.

“The place looks lovely, Amalia.”

“Thank you.” She smiles. “You look stunning.”

I smile at her before I add some sugar to my coffee and stir it with my teaspoon. She does the same.

“It’s very nice to see you. This muffin right here is called Indie Blue.” She grins. “It’s got vanilla and blueberries.”

I nod and smile at her but I’m sure she can tell my eyes get teary. I don’t deserve this. The fact that after three years, Dylan’s mother still makes a muffin and names it after me, when all I’ve done is… Move on just breaks my heart.

“How are you, love?” She sets her hand over mine. “Tell me about Med school.”

“I’m good.” I lie. “Med school is fine. It’s getting harder every year but I like it more every year too so that’s good. I feel like we’re all growing up so fast though. I mean Olivia’s leaving, Jason too…”

It almost surprises me how I can still talk to her as if we were family. I guess in a way we are. We went through the loss of Dylan together. She helped me and I think I helped her too, so I think we will always be somehow connected.

“Where are they leaving?”

She grabs a fork and eats some of the muffin after she took the paper of it and I eye the fork she set in front of me. Her kind eyes don’t leave mine and she looks so much like Dylan, even though the colour of their eyes is different, the way they look is the same so I can’t look into her eyes for too long. They look at you as if you were the most interesting person in the room, it doesn’t matter what you’re saying, you can talk about garden dwarfs and still be interesting to them.

“Olivia’s going to Paris. She’s very excited. She wants to be a gynaecologist and she got an internship on the maternal unit so she’s very happy. And Jason’s going to the States. He’s only going to be gone for three months, thank God.” I chuckle.

“Not long.” She grins.

“What about you? How are you and Robert?”

“We’re good, yeah. Robert’s back on the road. He went back last year and I’ve been good, pretty busy with the café and the organisation.”

My eyes drop to the muffin between us when she mentions that and I take a forkful and bring it to my mouth.

“I’m also babysitting now. D’you remember the Holts next door?” I nod. “Well, they had a baby and I stay with her sometimes.”

“Nice. I bet she’s cute.”

“She is so cute, so chubby too.” She giggles.

I giggle and fear the moment when our conversation will die enough so that she would ask me why I came. I don’t need a reason to come see her and I could always say I just wanted to catch up with her, but this woman knows me like my Mum does and I know she knows there’s something I want to tell her.

She asks me about my Mum too but I know they still talk and she tells me about Caroline, Jess and Sean. She keeps in touch with them too and it’s nice to hear life’s good for them. Sometimes I’m sad I lost contact with them after Dylan’s loss but it was just too hard to see them. It was like I couldn’t stop thinking about who was missing. 

“How are you, really, Blue?” She asks.

I know what she means. I take a deep breath. There goes nothing. 

“I met someone.”

My voice croaks and I didn’t know the tears were so close to falling until they roll down my cheeks. I wipe them away and try my best not to sob and even though her eyes are teary too, her hand rests on mine again and her thumb caresses the back of my hand.

“I’m very happy for you.”

My eyebrows meet and I shake my head. I knew she would be. 

“I just wish I could talk to him. I want to tell him I haven’t forgotten about him. I never will…” I let the tears roll down my cheeks. “I love him but… I’ve just been… So lonely and it’s been so hard and I wasn’t looking for him, he just… Showed up and… I don’t know, I guess you’re the closest thing I have to Dylan now… And I needed to take this off my chest, to explain myself to you, I… I wish he hadn’t died, I wish that every day, but he did and I have to stay here and live without him and I thought I had to that alone but… Maybe I don’t?”

“Indie, Robert and I want nothing more than for you to be happy. We love you. And so did Dylan, I know he did, but like you said, you have to live, darling.” She smiles. “He’d be happy.”

I can’t hold it in anymore so I hide my face behind my hands and full on cry. She brings a chair next to mine and wraps her arm around my shoulders and just let me cry like she has done so many times before.

“I miss him.” I confess. “There are so many things I want to tell him every day, you know. I want him to see that Coco’s in love, that I got an A in Paediatrics, that Rio is working at the bank.”

“He is seeing that.” Her arm squeezes me closer to her. “He’s taking care of us. I know you miss him, honey. So do I, but he would want us to go on.”

“Yes, I know.”

“He would be very proud of you. I hope you know that.”

“I just want him to know I love him, I always will, even if I love someone else. It doesn’t change who he is to me.”

“I know.”

She gives me some tissues and I cry over her son’s absence as she rests her cheek on my head and caress my arm. She’s always been a lot stronger than I am and she’s always been a rock to rest upon when I felt I couldn’t go on anymore. When I calm down enough, she sits back in front of me and gives me a small smile.

“Will you tell me about him?”

I can see him in her and somehow by telling her, I feel like I’m confessing it to him too.

“There’s not much to tell now” I raise my eyebrows “it didn’t work out.”

“What? Why?”

I shake my head and shrug as if I didn’t know why when I perfectly know what happened. I tell her a little about him though and she asks mum-like questions and even laughs at some of the stories I tell her.

After about an hour of chatting, we both call it a day and I go home to my dad and siblings. I didn’t tell them the real reason why Harry didn’t come. I told them he eventually got caught up with work and if they didn’t believe it they pretended they did.

The Golden Girls have been checking on me daily but even though I’m heartbroken, I’m somehow calmed. I talked to Amalia and I told Harry what I needed to tell him so I guess I just have this feeling of having been honest with everyone and I don’t feel guilty anymore.

I’m brushing my hair on my pyjamas after the shower when Ollie calls.

“Hi, babe” she chirps. “How is everything at Capitol? How’s your dad?”

“Good.” I tell her. “Yeah, he’s doing great. You wouldn’t tell he had an aortic dissection.”

We both chuckle.

“I knew it. Your dad’s strong like a bull.” She giggles.

“How are you?”

“I’m good. I got a call from Paris. Do you remember I did the interview on Skype?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, they just called me.” She sighs. “I got it.”

So she’s officially leaving. Oh, man, I’m going to miss her so much.

“Indie?”

“Yes.” I get my shit together. “Well, that’s great, Ollie! I’m so happy for you! I won’t lie to you, I’m going to miss you like crazy but I’m happy for you.”

“Maybe you don’t have to miss me…” She says.

“What? What do you mean?”

“I rejected it.”

“WHAT? Where does this change of heart comes from?”

“I don’t know… I’ve just been thinking… Paris is so far away…”

Oh, no. She’s as head over heels in love as I am… It must be the time for us Golden Girls…

“You did it for Mario, didn’t you?”

There’s a certain silence on her end but I can hear her breathing.

“Maybe.”

I smile.

“So you guys are like together for real?”

“Yes… Aren’t we?”

I chuckle.

“Oh, no, don’t ask me! Did you two talk about this? Does he know you took the internship down for him?”

“Of course not! I didn’t do it for him! Olivia Bassot doesn’t reject internships for anyone! I did it for myself.”

“Because you want to be with him.”

“That’s right but still it was for me, not for him.”

“Okay, yeah, great.” I laugh. “May I know what made you change your mind?”

She sighs.

“Actually, I don’t quite know. It’s just when they told me I got it, I wasn’t happy, you know? So I thought wait, I don’t have to go, I don’t have to prove anything to anybody.”

“That’s right.” I smile. “I won’t lie, Ollie, I’m fucking happy.”

She laughs.

“Me too, babe. Now I gotta go, I’m telling Mario tonight. Wish me luck.”

“What do you mean wish me luck? He’s gonna be thrilled!”

“He better.” She laughs. “Anyway, gotta go. Love you!”

“Love you.”

Well, at least there are some good news. Wrapped up on my thick woollen stay at home cardigan, I make my way downstairs where I guess my family awaits. Rio’s reading a book near the fireplace and Coco’s walking towards the door.

“Are you expecting someone?” She asks me.

I shake my head and stare at the door from the bottom of the stairs. My dad shows up at the kitchen door and tells me he made pumpkin and sweet potato cream and I’m about to thank him when my sister opens the door.

“Blue, look who’s here!”

My mouth and my eyes open wide. My heart beats hard and fast against my ribs and my breathing stops until I feel tingling all over my skin.

It’s Harry.

“Hello, Blue.”

I deflate like a balloon when I hear his voice and my breathing resumes. I almost have to hold on to the railing of the stairs so as not to fall. There he is, calm and unfaced, standing right next to my sister and looking stunning on blue jeans and a dark brown sweater underneath his opened grey coat. His hair is a messy mane of curls on top of his head but his warm signature dimply smile is nowhere to be found. That’s the only reason that I don’t run towards him and kiss him.

Hello, Blue. No hello, baby or hello, love. Hello, Blue. Anyone here in Capitol could have said that… But he’s here. He’s cold, but he’s here. That’s already something and I don’t know why I’m complaining.

“Oh, Harry!” My dad walks towards him and offers him his hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Blue said you got caught up with work.”

His green eyes search for mine before he looks back at my dad. I don’t know what he’s thinking.

“I was indeed caught up with work but… I got off the hook last minute.”

“That’s great! Isn’t that great, Blue? But get in here!” My dad urges me. “Greet him, honey.”

I clear my throat and run a hand through my hair as I walk closer to him. Harry doesn’t take his eyes off me but he’s seemingly unaffected by my presence. I’m afraid of his greeting. If he flinches I might cry. I don’t know whether he read my note or not but if he did, I don’t know why he’s acting so cold and if he didn’t, I don’t know why he’s here.

Coco’s closed the door after him and I see a small trolley behind him. My heart warms up at the thought that he came to stay. When I get to him, the habit takes the best of me and my lips search for his but he discreetly pulls his face away and instead gives me a hug. I don’t know if he did it out of respect for my dad or because he didn’t really want to kiss me. Something tells me it’s the second.

His hug is short and superficial and when he pulls away I feel like crying. His green eyes avoid staring into my own and I wonder if he came all the way here just to torture me with his coldness and distance. As I turn around, I see Rio standing a few feet behind me.

“This is my brother, Rio. Rio, this is Harry.”

“Hi, mate.” Rio shakes his hand and Harry gives him a lips closed smile.

When my brother pulls apart, Coco slips her thin, woollen covered body and gives Harry a hug. He gives her a dimply smile and I feel jealousy burning on my belly. What is he doing? That smile was for me!

“I’ll put another plate on the table.” Dad smiles.

My siblings follow him inside the dining room and Harry and I both hear the drawers opening and closing and plates and glasses being placed on the table.

“How did you know where my dad lives?” I whisper to him.

“I asked Olivia.”

With that he walks inside the dining room and I hear him asking Coco how he can help. Wait, so Olivia knew he was coming and she didn’t tell me anything? I literally just talked to her!

At least during dinner I get to sit next to him even though I doubt it was his choosing but rather where he was supposed to sit. I feel clumsy with my cutlery as I try to cut the steak. My Dad’s been asking Harry and me questions all dinner and Harry’s answered those about himself but has let me answer the ones about our relationship so he doesn’t have to tell everyone we’re nothing now, I guess.

My dad brings homemade yoghurt to the table and even after the sweetening effect of my dad’s dessert, Harry’s still distant and cold but he only punishes me. He’s all smiles and cavalry to my family and even Rio seems to like him.

“And Harry” Rio asks “do you know my sister Coco’s boyfriend?”

Coco rolls her eyes and blushes and Harry chuckles.

“Yes, I do.” He nods. “His brother works with me. They’re nice guys, good people.”

“Cool.” Rio nods. “Podrías traerlo tú también a casa, Coco.” (You could bring him home too, Coco.)

“Sí, claro. Harry es mayor que tú. No es lo mismo. El está a salvo porque no podrías con él, pero Guido tiene 21, como Blue. Te lo comerías con papas.” (Yeah, right. Harry is older than you. It’s not the same. He’s safe because you couldn’t take him but Guido is 21, likewise Blue. He’d have nothing to do.)

I don’t think Harry’s understand most of it, but I’m sure he got the part of Harry’s older than you and Guido’s 21 and he’s smart enough to figure out the rest.

Harry’s phone screen illuminates as he gets a text and my heart gets warm when I realize he at least hasn’t change his lock screen photo. I can’t help the grin.

“You didn’t send me that picture of the wedding.” I half whisper to him.

“Did you see them?”

“So there’s more than the one…”

He lets out a little giggle that warms my insides and makes me feel like a teenager.

“You meant my lock screen, right?”

I nod.

“Who took it?”

“The photographer. I think he had a thing for you.” He smirks. “He took lots.”

I look down at my empty yoghurt bowl and smirk. I think that was progress. Baby steps, but it’s better than the cold stare and the minimum hug he gave me when he got here.

After dinner, Dad moves the party to the living room and we all take seats on the couches and the armchairs by the fireplace. Harry doesn’t pay attention to me but my family doesn’t find it weird, mostly because they haven’t really seen us together before, but also because Dad and Rio seem so invested into learning about him. They find him as interesting as I do and I think Harry is at ease too, despite all the questioning. I can tell by his body language that he’s grateful for the way my family welcome him. His eyes avoid mine, but I can tell there’s gratitude on them too and I wonder if he’d ever look at me like he used to.

Dad gets up from his armchair and walks towards the record player and Rio and him start a conversation about which album to play. I take it as my chance to have Harry to myself so I jump from my spot on the coach and sit down next to him. His eyes warn me not to sit too close and most importantly not to touch him, so I keep my hands to myself despite my yearning. 

“Are you okay?” I whisper. 

“Yes, I am. How are you?”

His interest both surprises and softens me and my heart flutters with hope.

“I’m happy you came.” I confess.

“I’m happy you invited me.”

His words are conciliatory but his tone is still dry and I can’t read his expression. His body is tensed though.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“I never said I wasn’t.”

I snort. He’s impossible. We both fall into silence after that and I wait for him to explain himself but he never does so I speak again.

“Are you going to talk to me?”

“I am talking to you now.”

“Harry, please.” My bottom lips come out of its own accord. “Can you stop torturing me?”

His jaw clenches and he looks ahead, away from me. I swallow my willing to yell at him and look down at my feet. I feel belittled and abandoned and I hate that he’s so close and so far away.

“I… Did you read my note?”

Only then he tilts his neck so he’s facing me. His green eyes look at me and for the first time since he arrived, I can see the battle inside him. I can see the part of him who wants to forgive me, maybe there’s even a part that already has; but he’s still holding back. I can work with that, I can respect that.

“I am sorry. I already wrote that to you but I can say it out loud in front of my family if you want. I’ll do anything, please. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”

“I don’t want you to do that or to keep apologizing, even.”

“Then what do you want?”

I watch him blink. I can tell he’s flabbergasted. He probably wasn’t expecting this behaviour from me and quite frankly neither was I but after talking to Amalia and after getting the peace I needed, I need him to know I would really do anything to take back all the pain I’ve caused him.

“I want you to be fully honest with me and to be yourself for real.”

“Pardon?”

“No more lies, no more hiding things.” He whispers. “You tell me the truth and you tell me what worries you and you tell me when you’re scared and you tell me why. I’ll do the same. I think it’s a fair deal.”

I swallow. I can do that. I meant it when I said I’d do anything. If that’s what he wants, then that’s what he’ll get. I just hope he won’t run away when he hears it all.

“When are you planning on saying it to my face?”

I almost laugh. Is he serious? He came all the way here just to hear me say that? I didn’t think he would want to hear me say it with such fervour. Isn’t it obvious? Is it not enough to show it? Is it not best to show it? I would rather have someone never telling me they love me but showing me every day that the other way around.

But okay, I can do that too. If he wants me to say it that bad, then I’ll say it… But in my own way. From the corner of my eye, I can see my dad’s still busy with the records and Rio’s back on his book and Coco’s on the phone. No one’s paying attention to us. So I get closer to him and I act brave despite the fear of his rejection. He frowns but he gets visibly nervous and he doesn’t flinch and he doesn’t pull away so I keep getting closer, like a kitten, and his eyes drop to my mouth. My lips look for his and Harry relaxes his face and for a moment it seems his guard is down and his lips part. His pupils are dilated and his eyes are set on my lips.

“Blue! I got an A on my essay!” Coco celebrates.

Fuck you, Coco! I mean- good for you but fuck your timing! Harry pulls away from me and I straighten my back despite the way my chest deflates. I give my sister a smile.

“Enhorabuena, hermana.” (Congratulations, sister.)

Dad and Rio congratulate her and ask her on her essay, as if they would understand anything of her engineering, and I try to gain back my reconciliation with Harry but he pulls back this time.

“Wait, Blue.” He whispers. “I’ve promised myself I wouldn’t touch you until you figure your shit out.”

Great. That could take years, genius.

It shouldn’t make me so frustrated. I remind myself of a dog in heat or one of those men that get mad when women reject them at bars. I frown and straighten my back so I sit farther away from him, but after a second I can’t take it anymore.

I stand up and without saying a word I make my way upstairs. Harry’s been all talkative to my family and ignoring me all night, they can show him to his room now or give him conversation. I don’t care anymore.

When I climb the stairs, I open the door to the balcony and make my way outside. It’s freezing out here before the mountains, so I turn on the heater and wrap one of the blankets on the basket between the couches around my body. Looking to the side, I can see my part of the balcony, the one that belongs to my room, and I remember last time I was here, when I sat there with Jason and we talked and talked about Harry and about Dylan and about the same fucking story once and again.

It was all for nothing. After all, it was all for nothing. I tortured myself with the thought that I was leaving Dylan behind, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt guilty and couldn’t recognize myself and all for what? All to be now sitting down all alone because the man who turned everything into a fucking mess doesn’t even want to touch me.

I hear the balcony door opening and my sister’s soft voice almost whispering she’s here and the next thing I hear are footsteps coming my way. The door closes and Harry stands beside me.

“It’s bloody freezing in here.”

I nod but don’t dare to look at him.

“Baby”

His tone sounds tired but the nickname makes my heart flutter. My eyes search his, desperately, and I think he’s done with giving me the hard look and the cold façade. I don’t like that Harry, that’s not him. Harry is kind and understanding and a good listener. He’s not harsh and hard and cold. That’s me.

“I think I’m acting like such a spoiled brat.” I confess. “You’re just giving me a taste of my own medicine and I don’t fucking like it. I didn’t really need you to show me how insufferable I am though. I already knew that.”

He sighs.

“Can we go somewhere alone and not freezing?” He asks. “We need to talk.”

I look into his eyes. He’s standing tall right next to the heater and I’m sitting down with my knees to my chest and the blanket around me. My heart is pounding on the back of my throat and I can feel my pulse on my brain.

“I love you.”

The words come out clean and clear, despite my nervousness, and my eyes don’t leave his until the weight of them fall upon us. That’s the first time I have ever said that to a man different than Dylan, that’s the first time I’ve meant those words in a romantic way after him. I can’t yet read him. He’s just looking at me and I don’t know whether on the inside he’s grinning or whether he’s about to cry.

“Isn’t that what you wanted to hear?” I am whispering now and I guess all my strength and my bravery have gone with those three words that got no answer.

“Is that why you said it?” He raises his eyebrows.

“No” I look down at my knees and think I’m about to cry “I said it because it’s true. I already wrote it down for you.”

He offers me his hand. I don’t understand his silence or why he is barely moving but I take his hand and he gives me a timid smile.

“Will you show us to your room?”

I leave the blanket a mess on the basket and walk with him towards my room. My dad played Miles Davis downstairs but I can still hear the fire and the keyboard of somebody’s laptop.

Once in my room, I take a deep breath and try not to think of what happened here before I met Harry. I try not to see Dylan on my bed, I try not to listen to his voice making fun of me for my decorations. Harry has a look around but he stands right there and he doesn’t move until I tell him he can.

“After your boyfriend passed away” he starts.

I feel my shoulders tensing and my breathing catching on my throat. No, no, no, no. I can feel his green eyes on me, studying me carefully, but I can’t look back at him.

“Did you go to therapy?”

I swallow. I don’t know why it is so hard to talk about this yet I manage to nod.

“How long for?”

“Two years.”

I see him nodding his head before he sighs. I guess he’s figuring out I’m actually really broken. I suppose if I hadn’t been to therapy, then he could hold onto that and he could say well she’s crazy now but she’ll get better but I bet after knowing I am actually the product of two years of therapy, he might give up.

“You said I wasn’t your second boyfriend. How long did you stay with him for?” I don’t answer. “How long ago was this?” He gives me some time to answer but I am still silent. “Why did you two break up?”

I am embarrassed to tell him and I don’t know why that’s even important. Javier is not something that bothers me. He’s in the past and I don’t think he has left any trauma in me and even if he did, Harry doesn’t have to worry about that. He is nothing like him and not even for a second have I doubted that.

“You’re not gonna speak?”

I want to fix things with him and I want to give him what he wants from me but I am embarrassed.

“Say something.”

“I don’t want to sleep here.”

The second I step out of the room, everything seems easier. I hear him taking a deep breath and sighing deeply before he follows me and when we enter the guest room in a second he’s behind me. His proximity covers my skin with goosebumps because I can feel his breathing against my ear shell and I can smell his scent and I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my mouth.

“When you found out about my shit you shut me out and I chased you day and night so you would let me explain. You were mad and, despite the way you treated me, I didn’t stop until I got you to listen to me because you’re important to me and I care. Now, you’re the one who’s hid something from me and instead of getting mad, I’m here, trying to get you to talk to me and you can’t even look me in the eyes.”

His proximity disappears as fast as it arrived and all he lets me se is his back as he sits down on the edge of the bed. I swallow and don’t know what to do. I look at him before my eyes set on our reflection on the glass of the window. He is looking down so he can’t see it but I can see us two and all of a sudden it’s like I know what to do.

Harry doesn’t deserve my silence. I owe him. I owe him a lot, even if he doesn’t know that, because in the last five months, I have laughed a lot more often and a lot harder and I have respected myself and I have actually wanted things. He gave that back to me and he deserves to see me, he deserves to know me and if after that he wants to leave, then I will take that but he will know who I really am.

I take a sit on the bed and cross my legs so my ankles hid underneath my thighs. I have never done this before outside of therapy and I don’t even know where to start. I take a deep breath.

“I met Dylan in this house when I was fifteen years old. Until then I had just been a posh spoiled girl like you thought I was when we met and, to be fair, I think if it hadn’t been for him, you would have been right on every stupid assumption you made about me that day in your kitchen.” I swallow.

“We started dating a year later but really I think I fell for him the very same night we met. I’ve had a… happy life. I mean before the accident. My childhood was good, my family never struggled and I was loved and wanted. I think I’ve always had everything I’ve wanted and still before I met Dylan I always felt like I was never in the right place. It was an uneasy feeling but I just never felt like I belonged anywhere. And then… He gave me that.

He didn’t think of me as a spoiled rich girl, he saw me and to him I was just… Indie. And he made me feel like the most interesting person in the world. I told him once when I was little my friends’ mothers wouldn’t let me play with Rio and the rest of the boys so I never learnt to climb a tree and he took me to his grandparents’ house and had me climbing to this huge tree on their backyard before he got the ladder down from his tree house.” I giggle nervously and hear Harry snorting a chuckle too.

He has turned around and is now staring at me and he’s silent but his body language has completely changed. I have his undivided attention.

“He was my first everything. My first love, my first boyfriend, my first best friend, my first time… And also my first fight, my first heartbreak and my first reconciliation and I guess… There was a part of me who wanted him to be the last too.”

I bit my bottom lip so it stops trembling and Harry patiently waits in silence until I get my voice back.

“When I left for Uni, he stayed in Capitol. His dad had cancer and his mum had to work so he decided to postpone Uni for a year or two until things got better. I admired him for that but then…” My eyes look away but now that I’ve started it’s like I can’t stop. “He changed. He became short-tempered and harsh and we started fighting a lot. I think he felt as if his life was stuck among cancer and poorly paid jobs while mine was moving forward and getting better and I was having fun when he was… I think he felt as if I have abandoned him and in a way, I…”

My face contorts and my throat closes on me to the point where my voice and my breath get stuck inside. I feel pain and guilt and embarrassment choking me and my eyes shut as hot, salty tears roll down my cheeks.

“I did.” I confess. “I was tired of being sad. Whenever I saw him, we ended up fighting and I saw my friends and everyone around me living their best lives and going to parties and I was just the girl with the sad boyfriend and I…” I shake my head. “I wasn’t there for him when he needed me.”

I take a deep breath.

“One day he came to see me and we had a fight and he left for hours. When he came back…” I lick my lips dry after all the talking. “He was high. That was the first time I saw him like that but then it all started to make sense: his mood-swings, his depression, his irritability… I tried helping him.” I wipe my tears and sob before I clear my throat. “I talked to his mum, to my parents, to his friends, to him… I asked for all the help I could get but… He wanted me to go with him to one of his new friends’ party. I didn’t like those people and I was trying to get him away from them because they all smoked and he wasn’t acting himself when he was around them…”

I swallow again but the lump in my throat is getting bigger and bigger and harder to swallow.

“So he went alone. I was in Grad. It was me who called him. I felt bad that I hadn’t gone with him to the party, even if they were the wrong crowd, I didn’t know what I was supposed to do to be there for him… And… He was driving.”

I dare to look at Harry then. His green eyes meet mine but I can’t take it. It’s hard enough to tell the story, doing it under such intense stare would be impossible.

“I lost it.” Even if I had wanted to look into his eyes, everything gets blurry before me now as a new army of tears rolls down my cheeks again. “I begged him to stop the car, I yelled at him, I… I even said if he didn’t then I’d break up with him.” I sob. “And he was mad and he yelled back and then… I heard the crash.”

I stop and my eyes set on the wall. Harry’s hand gently rests on my knee and it surprises me that my body doesn’t react to it. My mind wasn’t expecting that and yet my body seems to be so used to his touch, it didn’t flinch or even jump.

“The doctors said he died on the spot so the last thing he heard before dying was a threat.”

I look at him expecting to find the judgement on his eyes. Maybe he’s disgusted by me. Maybe he thinks I’m a terrible person and he doesn’t want to see me again. But all I find is pain and sorrow and love. I frown.

“I was depressed for six full months after that and when I started talking again, I started going to therapy. I wish I were dead too.” I admit.

I can see the pain flashing through his green eyes but he lets me talk. He doesn’t shush me or tells me don’t say that and I love him for that. He lets me say and he lets me feel and I know he didn’t want me dead but he gives me this moment, he gives me this silence, these words. He lets me owe them.

“And somehow I was; some part of me was. I thought I was never going to feel even remotely close to how I felt when he was with me. For years I felt like I didn’t want anything. I just did things, but I had no desires. I wasn’t hoping for anything or even trying anything… I was just waiting… And it might sound ungrateful or selfish but I honestly was just waiting for the day I die. I felt like some part of me was already dead. 

When I met Javier I wasn’t much better than that. It had been almost two years since Dylan’s accident and I guess I just wanted to feel something. We met at a club and fucked the same night and after that he was sweet at the beginning, I thought he was protective but really he was just jealous, possessive and controlling. He was… Bad. He was an abuser and he came across someone dead inside so he could do anything because I didn’t care and he did. He made me feel disgusting and fat and lazy and powerless but I guess in a way it was what I wanted. I have tortured myself for what happened to Dylan for years now. I feel guilty for not having been there for him enough… I guess part of me thought I deserved Javier to some extend… Until one day he tied me up to the headboard of the bed and left me there for three hours.”

Harry’s eyes horrified at that. His nostrils flare and his jaw clenches but he still doesn’t say anything. I swallow and go on.

“I was done with men when I met you but you…” My voice croaks but I want to tell him. I think this is the most important part. “You said I could have blue cheese” I chuckle nervously and so does he “and I… I wanted to see you.” I don’t know why I’m crying now but I feel salty tears on my mouth and my voice croaks all the time. “I hoped you would be in your coffee break when I went to the cafeteria. I mean at the beginning it was just… Orgasms.” He laughs. “But even then, I felt… Alive. I felt my heart beating and the air on my lungs and I felt my blood rushing through my veins and then it was all the time. You look at me and my pulse accelerates and when you’re close my breath gets stuck on my throat and I don’t know what to say and my skin gets covered in goosebumps and my stomach does somersaults…”

I have barely taken a breath while telling him all that but now he’s blushing and his lips can’t help the small smile and his dimple is out and for a moment I thought I would never make him smile like this ever again.

“So… I got scared.” I shrug. “I got scared that I was forgetting about Dylan. I didn’t want to leave him behind. You know, I’ve… I’ve never been able to go to his grave. I don’t think I can see his gravestone.” My voice breaks and Harry’s hand moves from my knee to my shoulder. “I don’t… I can’t remember his voice.” I sob. “I could hear him on tape but I think it would make me depressed again.” I let the lump in my throat win for a second before I fight it again. “I just want to be able to remember him without feeling my heart break into a million pieces. I mean how long does grieving take? It’s been three years and I can’t talk about him.”

“Come here.”

I let Harry pull me to him and in crying to him about Dylan I find a comfort I never thought possible. His hand carefully and lovingly rub my back and his lips press soft kisses against my hairline. I don’t know how long for he lets me cry but he only pulls away when I’m sniffing and my breathing has gone back to normal.

His green eyes investigate mine for long seconds before he takes a deep breath and speaks.

“I don’t know how to say what I want to tell you without sounding harsh.”

I purse my lips. I don’t know either but I get ready to hear it. I know this is too much. He already said I had to figure my shit out before I was in a relationship and he didn’t even know all this shit so now he’s gonna leave for good. I understand. I wouldn’t wanna be with me either.  

“When you were depressed, I suppose Coco was there for you, right?”

I nod but frown. I do not know where he’s going with this.

“Did that make you feel better?”

“Of course.”

“Did that heal you?”

I frown. I guess… Not. My doctor healed me, I healed me. Coco just loved me.

“You can’t love someone out of depression, Blue.” He states. “What happened to Dylan was a terrible accident and it’s normal that with accidents we always feel as if they could have been somehow prevented but that doesn’t help anyone.” He sighs. “Death is terrible but it’s also a part of life. We all have to die. Dylan was taken too soon and I can’t imagine what that felt like, baby… Really, I am amazed that you went through that and that you… survived that and came out this… Incredible.” His eyebrows raise on his forehead as his head shakes, as if he really was amazed. “And I am sorry for what I said to you. I wish I had known this sooner but I also wish I could take back the moment where I blamed you for your… Things. This is fucking hard and I wish I could tell you how long grieving takes but I don’t know, love. Yet you don’t have to do this alone.”

My heart restarts and my eyes search for the trap.

“You’re not going to leave?”

“Where?”

“I…” I shrug. “I thought this was going to scare you away.” I frown. “That you’d realize I have deep severe issues and you would just walk away.”

Harry frowns and it’s the first time a gesture of contradiction wakes butterflies up in my belly.

“Sometimes I don’t know who you take me for--.” He shakes his head. “I love you, Blue. And I want to see you happy. I love seeing you smile and laugh and I feel… Important when I make you laugh. You’re intelligent and kind and funny and mesmerising and beyond gorgeous and… So young, love. Why would I ever want to walk away from that?”

My eyes move frantically between his and I choose not to ask him whether he really thinks that. I decide I’ll try to believe him. He shakes his head. I think he can read my mind.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” He smirks. “Could you please tell me what would be of your friends without you? Do you think Mario and Olivia would be together if it wasn’t because of you? Do you think Marie would have dared to go out with Adam? And what would be of Jason? You helped him get out of an abusive relationship. Do you know how hard that is?”

I guess he’s right. I do contribute on The Golden Girls.

“And what about me?” He chuckles. “You make me not hate myself.”

His green eyes bore into mine after he said that and I know the nodding of his head is just a way to try and swallow the lump on his throat. I can see the tears he’s holding back now.

“Before I met you, I was just waiting too and now I want to live and I want to love you and you’re gonna let me.” He persuades me so I giggle.

“Promise me you’re gonna let me.” He whispers.

“I promise.” I smile.

He nods, satisfied with my answer, and we both stare at each other smiling despite all the emotions we just shared.

“I don’t know how long it’s gonna take for you to be able to remember Dylan without feeling your heart breaking... But what I do want you to know is that I don’t think you need to stop loving him to love me or anyone else.” He shrugs. “I mean... When I think about widows remarrying, I never think of it as a bad thing, I don’t think it means forgetting... It just means... Your heart is big enough to love twice.” He smirks. 

I let the tears roll down my cheeks and meet my lips. 

“I don’t know why I thought you’d... Like... Not understand.” I shake my head. “I thought you might even get jealous.” 

He frowns, like I was speaking some foreign language and it’s his little understanding that makes me smirk despite my tears. 

“Getting jealous of that is like... I’m afraid it’s literally sick.”

I even chuckle. 

“You’re strong and wonderful” he says “and I have no doubt you’ll get there. I hope it’s me the one you tell about Dylan without having your heart breaking too.” He smiles. 

My lips are curled into a timid smile but my head is shaking because there’s a part of me that’s beyond happy, there’s another part of me that’s heartbroken, there’s another part that can’t believe someone this kind can exist; and in the midst of all these feelings, my mind doesn’t have control over my body anymore. 

“I love you.” 

I let my lips hug every syllable and my heart own every word. Harry’s lips curl until he’s grinning and I think I’ll tell him I love him every morning if he’s going to look at me like that. 

I am not scared anymore. 

I feel liberated and I love this man in a way that makes my heart skip every second beat. For the first time in three years, I feel like there’s not a single part of me that’s not full of life and love and plans and hope and calm.

“I love you too. And now get ready because I’m going to kiss you.”

The air leaves my lungs through a desperate smile as his hands rest on the mattress next to my thighs and he gets closer to me.

“I’m ready.”

[chuckaf]

this is me trying | a chuck/sarah fic

summary: Set not long post-series. After leaving to find herself, Sarah returns home, realizing that all the answers she sought were in a little apartment in Echo Park all along.

i know i've already posted a few anniversary things today lol, but since i just posted this fic over on ffn and it's short enough to post in full here which is rare for me lol, i figured i'd share it too. just a little post-series thought or two, inspired by taylor swift, ofc.

ffn link

I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway

I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying

The courtyard is familiar to her, somehow. Safe. The only memories she has of it are from the brief, painful time she was here those months ago, but there's an inherent sense within her mind, a comfort, as she steps onto the stone. The fountain, the trellises, the flowers all around- they are known, to her.

Something being known is a sensation she's very unfamiliar with, after all this time.

Months ago, she'd kissed her husband on a cold January day, on a very important beach, the wind whipping around them with all their desperate hopes. She'd felt him pour everything into the embrace, try with all his might to pass his memories onto her through just his lips, all his softness and his heat and his love. And despite every logical rational thought within her, as Chuck had tried out his friend's silly, thoughtful idea, a tiny bit of hope had sparked in Sarah's chest that maybe, maybe the kiss would work.

It hadn't.

And, more hurt by that than she'd wanted to admit, she'd repeated to Chuck that she needed to go. To find herself, to readjust, work out who she is, was, what her place could be in this world. A world she barely knew. She'd had the perfect, complicated, real and loving life, and Sarah Walker, assassin, enforcer, couldn't figure out how she was meant to be in it anymore. The square peg did not fit.

Chuck didn't even ask her to stay. He didn't plea, didn't beg, didn't soothe her with platitudes they both knew would be false and left wanting. He just nodded, broken and understanding as ever, and he let her go, to maybe see her again, maybe never. At the time, she wasn't sure which of those it would be, either.

With recent memories torn from her, she'd followed the things she could recall, from before all this. She suppresses a snort as she rounds the courtyard fountain, thinking on her woefully unsuccessful travels.

First, she'd gone to Paris, for scattered thoughts about her Red Test as well as the knowledge Chuck had given her about the new memories there. The same street as that awful night she can at least recall, the gun in her hand, jewelry on the ground. The bridge by the cathedral where one Agent Shaw had fallen to what they'd thought was his death. Chuck had killed him: his first kill, first true shot with a real bullet. And it had been to save her. They'd fallen in love years before, Chuck had told her, but they'd fallen once more in that city.

Then to Saint-Tropez, with a call to an old friend always game for a party. They'd danced and drank and reminisced, but Sarah had seen throughout it all the sadness in her friend's eyes, the sympathy. She'd felt like she was some blatant, visible scar, something someone can't help but look on with sad acknowledgement, even from her lightest, eternally easy-going friend. She hadn't known Carina had been a bridesmaid at her wedding until the other woman had admitted it, in the middle of a club, and said she couldn't pretend things were fine any longer.

To Lisbon, next, and thoughts of Bryce. Bryce, the cause of all this, the lynchpin of the last five years. Or perhaps the fulcrum. The center of it, the key piece in both her and Chuck's lives that brought them together, those years ago. Bryce, who thought of others but always through himself, never consulting those he made choices for. He didn't trust her- she'd thought he'd gone rogue. Chuck had told her it had been an assignment, told her how Bryce truly died just a few years later. How his old friend had once more been the reason Chuck had downloaded the Intersect, a second time, because Bryce simply couldn't. He'd bled out on a white room floor.

To D.C., home of headquarters, secret offices and bland boardrooms, home of the apartment she'd once owned and tried to live in between missions, never able to settle, always waiting for a call from Graham to send her god knows where. Graham, who recruited her as a child. Graham, killed in another white room. The same kind of room she'd pulled a gun on her husband in, threatened Morgan in, almost killed them all in.

Sarah doesn't think she'll trust the color white again.

And then to her mother, her arms soft and comforting. To the baby, Molly, a whole person now, a bright, wonderful child with a wicked skill at Mario Kart. And to yet more sadness behind the eyes, the sympathy at all Sarah has lost. Her mother sent her best regards for Chuck, muttered an off-hand thought that she must visit him soon, that Molly misses him.

In every place, every stop, every desperate attempt to find who she is, what her life is, was, could be, all Sarah thought about was Chuck. And as her mother offered her thoughts to her son-in-law, the spy, the enforcer, the wife, had realized something; after all the travelling, all the searching, it had hit her.

She was wrong.

Finding herself, trying to work out who she is, that was simply running from the problem, the real issue at hand. The real hurt. Which is her husband, still in LA, in the same old apartment, with the same old courtyard and the same old fountain, holding all those missing memories.

After leaving her Mom, Sarah had gotten a car, driven straight to Echo Park. While she felt the pull to lose herself in all this, drown herself in sorrow, in questions, in self-doubt and self-flagellation for her actions, she'd known one thing above all. She needs to see Chuck.

And so here she is.

Swallowing, she finishes the walk up to the door. Once more, it's familiar, somehow. Known. Just a regular old door, behind which waits her whole world.

She raises a hand. Knocks. Thinks absentmindedly that she should've called.

But then the door is opening and there he stands. In jeans, a t-shirt, a striped hoodie over it, Converse on his feet. His hair's a little longer than she last saw it, curling at the edges at the front. That sort of sight is known, too, a distant hazy recollection. Maybe she once brushed a curl from his forehead in this very courtyard.

"Sarah..." he breathes, and she meets his eyes, sees the disbelief there, the grief, the shock. "I... Your mom called and said you might come here, I- I didn't know..."

"I should've called." she says, repeating the thought, that she shouldn't have let her mother be an early-warning for them both, but Chuck shakes his head quickly, roughly, taking a step closer.

"No, no, it's okay."

She swallows, nods a little, and he lifts the corners of his lips in what she can tell is a desperate try at a smile. The sight simply makes her fold her arms over her chest, tug on the cuffs of the sleeves of her shirt.

"I..." Although she's here, although she's started, she suddenly realizes she has no idea what to say. "I... was wrong."

It's a start. Chuck raises an eyebrow, says nothing, and his still-listening silence encourages her more than she thinks he knows.

"I didn't... I thought that leaving would let me find myself, but... Being out there, it felt just as foreign to me as being here did. I can't- I don't know who I am, anywhere, anymore."

He frowns, brow furrowing, but she sees his eyes glisten more, his lip tremble a little. It tugs on something innate within her, a need to comfort him. She holds back, for now.

"Okay." he says, accepting her admission. She keeps going.

"I traveled, a lot. Went to some places you'd told me about, some others I remembered. I'd hoped something would feel like home. But nothing..." Shaking her head, she takes a deep breath. Forces herself to look at him, really look at him, take him in. Her husband. "I realized that I wouldn't find home out there. Because I know now that, no matter where I go, if it's not with you it's never going to be home. It took me months to figure it out, but you're my home, Chuck."

He blinks. And then his face crumbles, stray tears falling from his eyes; she feels the tug again. Watching, she sees him pull himself together, bark out a wet laugh and brush the tears away swiftly with the backs of his hands.

"You've, uh, you've said that before," he murmurs, and she frowns. That he'd remember it so strongly, just four words, lets her know it was something important. She can't help but wonder what led her to realize and say such a thing once, after it took so long to dawn on her, to muster up the courage this time around. But before she can ask, he keeps going. "So... what are you doing here, what are you gonna do, now you know that?"

And that is the real question. The whole reason she's here. She tugs on her sleeve cuffs again, straightens her spine.

"I don't know if you would even want me here, but-" Tears bloom in her own eyes, suddenly, thickening her throat, blurring her vision, and she forces herself to keep going. "But I'm trying. This, here, me being here right now, this is me trying, for us. For me to be here, home, with you."

In front of her, on his doorstep, he simply looks at her. She is laid bare, her soul out there before him. She knows she's asking a lot, asking everything. To try, for him to let her try, with them. She may never remember. They may always have this pain hanging over them. She may mess up, hurt him, struggle relying so completely on him, being so constantly open and married and real- she's sure she will, even. It's a huge ask.

But she's trying.

She waits, wondering what he'll say, god, if he'll just tell her no, it's too hard, it's been too long, and she'll have to walk back out of this familiar courtyard and return to a strange, blurred world, with eyes of sympathy and sadness and a mind always thinking of him. But then he nods, lip trembling once more.

"Of course I want you," he presses out, sounding so choked, like he can't say much else, but he manages one more thing. "C'mere."

He opens his arms.

And she falls into him, falls into his love and embrace and his grace, and she lets him hold her as they weep, in their doorway. Just being there in his arms, she knows she's home.

[ssa-montgomery]

Requests Are Open!

Hey everyone! Since we’re all stuck inside at the moment and I seem to have found my writing inspiration again I thought I would open up my requests again! Of course if you want to make a request you don’t have to use these so feel free to send me any requests, I just thought this might be fun! 

To make a request just send a number(s) from the list below and a ship or show! You can send me a bit of plot if you have an idea of what you would like to see but if not just send me the number! You can send me up to three prompts for one request :) You can send me the request through a message, a comment on this post or an ask.

The Fandoms I mainly write for are:

Supernatural

Once Upon a Time

Shadowhunters

Hannibal

Merlin

Lucifer

I will write character x character and character x reader as long as the ship is legal! Of course the ship doesn’t have to be a romance ship! It can be friendship/family/enemies too.

I will complete your requests as soon as I can!

1. “You scared me!” “Well, I am naturally terrifying.”

2. “I’m fine.” “You don’t look fine.” “Then stop looking.”

3. “Where is Death when you need her?”

4. “You are all remarkably well behaved tonight. What did you do?”

5. “You look…” “Beautiful, I know. Can we move on?”

6. “Ohh so you think I’m cute when I’m angry? Well, get ready because I’m about to be GORGEOUS!!!”

7. “I don’t give a damn.” “You give so many damns they’re visible from SPACE.”

8. “Tell I’m going to die, tell me the sun is going to explode, tell me the world is ending and there’s nothing I can do about it because if I hear it’s going to be okay one more time I. Will. Scream.”

9. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

10. “Who are you?” “Demon to some. Angel to others.”

11. “Yeah, I have a plan.” “Is it a good one?” “I have a plan.”

12. “You love her don’t you?” “Was it that obvious?”

13. “I hate the sight of blood.” “Then maybe you shouldn’t kill for a living.”

14. “Are you sober?” “I’m moderately functional.” “I’ll take that as a no.”

15.“I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it.”

16. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do think it would be if-” “At least a twenty.”

17. “Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.”

18. “So… I just realized … that I’ve been shot.”

19. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed.”

20. “Only a fool would fall in love with someone as deadly as me.”

21. “Excuse me I have to go make a scene.”

22. “I warned you not to hurt his sister.”

23. “How does it feel, my dear? Losing the best thing that has ever happened to you.”

24. “Oh darling, you are so very broken and no cares to notice.”

25. “All that blood looks good on you. It really brings out your eyes.”

26. “I have to go … iron … my cat.”

27. “If I go through with this, I die. If I don’t go through with this, we all die.”

28. “I’m trying my best to be polite, but if you move that knife a centimeter closer to me I will tear you apart.”

29. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.”

30. “I’m not completely human anymore. Remember that next time you want to punch me in the face.”

31. “I am either going out for ice cream, or to commit a crime. I’ll decide in the car.”

32. “Don’t think about it too much or your head might explode.”

33. “I’m with him. For better or for worse. It’ll probably be worse. I knew that the day I met him.”

34. “I don’t hate you. I hate them for turning you into this.”

35. “Loving any of us is a death sentence isn’t it?”

36. “All I know is, one of us is right. The other one is you.”

37. “Hold on, you died.” “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.”

38. “Why are they all afraid of you?”

39. “I can’t go back to sleep after that. I need coffee- no. I need a drink, a stiff one.”

40. “Just know that I love you. I love you with all of my fucked up piece of shit heart.”

41. “You here to finish me off, sweetheart?”

42. “Oh. Hello. Excuse all the blood.”

43. “Guess who came back?”

44. “I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I’d say my people skills are improving.”

45. “You keep pointing that gun at me and blabbering on about how much you’ve been wanting to kill me. I’m beginning to doubt your commitment…”

46. “It’s only murder if they find the body. Otherwise, it’s just a missing person. Just saying.”

47. “I can’t do this anymore.”

48. “The worst feeling in the world is knowing you did the best you could and it still wasn’t good enough.”

49. “Because to you I am merely a monster. And in the end that’s all I ever was. ”

50. “And if I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?”

51. “You already know how this will end.”

52. “Don’t you understand? You were her happy ending.”

53. “Lord give me patience or an untraceable handgun.”

54. “Did you actually think you mattered to him? Silly girl.”

55. “You can’t love someone unless you love yourself first. Bullshit. I have never loved myself but you, Oh god, I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.”

56. “It’s okay. You don’t have to love me.”

57. “There’s someone in my head but it’s not me.”

58. “Foolish child. Thinking the stains of your sins can be washed away by your tears.”

59. “I wanted you to fight for me and you didn’t.”

60. “it’s scary what a smile can hide.”

61. “You had me at “we’ll make it look like an accident.”

62. “Is this one of those times when you want me to lie to protect your delicate emotions?”

63. “I’m surrounded by idiots!”

64. “You gotta stop doing that.” “What?” “Saying things that make me wanna kiss you.”

65. “If you’re going to get in trouble for hitting someone, might as well hit them hard.”

66. “I never said thank you did I?” “For what?” “For… well … everything.”

67. “I’ll find her and bring her home. I promise.”

68. “Dance with me and pretend the world doesn’t exist.”

69. “What are you afraid of?” “You.”

70. “You’re ok. Breathe. Just breathe. Open your eyes. Come back. It’s ok. It’s over now. You’re ok. Wake up. Please wake up. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to me. I love you so fucking much. Come back.”

71. “Can I ask you a dumb question?” “Better than anyone I know.”

72. “If we’re going to get out of here, we’re going to have to work together. After that, we can go back to killing each other.” “Oh fine.”

73. “If it is destroying you, then it’s not love my dear.”

74. “ I never stood a chance, did I?” “That’s the sad part -you did once.”

75. “Eh, screw it. Let’s just blow it up and call it a day.”

76. “Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.”

77. “The problem is, if I kissed, I don’t think I don’t think I’d be able to stop.”

78. “Lie to me again.” “I love you.”

79. “Why are you avoiding me?” “Because … because I think I’m falling in love with you, okay? That’s why I’m avoiding you.”

80. “Whos ass are we kicking today?”

81. “I could strangle you.” “You aren’t tall enough.” “You’ve sunk low enough for me to reach.”

82. “Wait, did you just flirt with me?” “Have been for the past year but thanks for noticing.”

83. “Maybe I deserve someone else, but I always wanted you.”

84. “Darkness. When everything you know and love is taken away so harshly, all you can think about is angry, hatred and even revenge. And no one can save you.”

85. “For God sake! Who have you killed now?”

86. “Please point your gun at me if it helps you relax.”

87. “Tell me not to do something and I will do it twice and take pictures.”

88. “there is not enough salt in the WORLD to protect us from the hell you’re trying to unleash.” “Oh don’t be such a worrywart. The demon and I go way back.”

89. “You wanna know who’s beautiful?” “Aww who?” “Me.”

90. “In my defense, I was left unsupervised.”

91. “Wow can we just pretend, for one second, that you’re not a complete douchbag?”

92. “Are we there yet?” “Get out.” “We’re going 85-miles an hour down the highway in the middle of nowhere.” “Did I stutter?”

93. “Oh, honey, no. I love you too much to let you humiliate yourself this way.” “Bitch please, you don’t think I can beat you at Mario-kart? ”

94. “Fix me up with six cups of coffee and we’re good to go.”

95. “When someone gives you the "don’t pull your gun out of the back of your pants” nod, don’t pull your gun out of the back of your pants!“

96. "Do you feel guilty? Like, at all?” “I don’t have time to feel guilty. and neither do you.”

97. “Hey man nice tattoo.” “I don’t have a tattoo.” “Okay, how drunk were you last night?”

98. “Are you always stupid or is today a special occasion?”

99. “Literally everything about this is illegal.”

100. “I need something that’s more than coffee but less than cocaine.”

101. “Pay me enough, and I didn’t see a thing.”

102. “Sorry I hung up on you, I didn’t mean to answer the call.”

103. “Today I’m wearing a lovely shade of I slept like crap so don’t piss me off.”

104. “Hey, I didn’t kill anyone today!” “What do you want? A gold star?”

105. “Since I met him, he carries more anger and pain than a thousand armies could ever bear. He was betrayed, deceived, hurt. Believe me when I say he had already crossed hell, and the only time I saw peace in his eyes was when he saw you. You are the only reason he’s still alive.”

106. “Touch her, and you’ll learn exactly what’s worse than death.”

107. “I don’t want to look like a princess, I want to look like a formerly evil queen who reluctantly redeemed herself for the side of good.” “You read too much.” “Damn right I do.”

108. “You’re not as evil as people think you are.” “No. I’m much worse.”

109. “No. Not you. Anyone but you.”

110. “One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my love, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.”

111. “It goes away, that ache in your chest when you hear his name.”

112 “I feel like everything in my life has led me to you. My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything. And when we’re together, my past seems worth it, because if I had done one thing differently, I might never have met you.”

113. “Don’t go.”

114. “If he cared, he would have made an effort.”

115. “You love him, don’t you?” “He’s not mine to love.” “But you still do?” “More than she ever will.”

116. “This is what, the third time I’ve crashed my own funeral?” “Fifth.” “Really? That many?”

117. “Y’know… that’s not what an apology sounds like.” “Bite me.”

118. “Don’t try to shut me out of this. I’ve been here since day one. I’m more a part of this than you are.”

119.”…. At least the snow’s pretty.”

120. “Don’t give me attitude, darling. I have one of my own.”

121. “I want you to remember you deserve this.”

122. “I’ve lost count of how many times you’ve died in front of me.”

123. “I don’t care if I  don’t get any sleep tonight. As long as I can be there for you.”

124.  “I should have told you a long time ago.”

125. “Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

126. “Silly girl,  can’t you see the truth right in front of you? This is his little kingdom, and you’re not the Queen anymore.

127. “If we get arrested, it’s your fault.”

128. “Wow, I can’t believe I said that out loud, please excuse me while I go die of embarrassment.”

129. “How sweet, sacrificing yourself for her, when did you get a heart?”

130.  “Let me go! I can still save them!”

131. “She’s my best friend. That hasn’t changed.” “It’s clear you feelings for her have.”

132. “You made your choice and I made mine. Just because you can’t live with yours doesn’t mean you should shame me for living with mine.”

133. “If someone gets nosy just .. you know … shoot ‘em.” “Shoot ‘em?” “Politely.”

134. “Show me your scars.” “But.. why?” “I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn’t there.”

135. “It’s okay, it’s over now.” “No it’s not. It hasn’t even begun.”

136. “It’s like you want to ruin men/women for me.”

137. “Look. I’m glad you’ve saved everyone and all that, but it’s time someone told you to take care of you.” “I’m fine.” “No you’re not and furthermore, if you don’t take care of you think of all the people who will need you in the future who won’t have you.”

138. “I want you. Right here. Right now”

139. “Tell me what you want.”

140. “You look so fucking hot right now.”

141. “You say “I hate you.” But all I hear is “fuck me.”

142. “You think you’re the boss of me just because you’re hot?”

143. “You make me feel .. you make me feel and I don’t like it. I want it to stop. Now”

144. “You survived what you thought would kill you. Now straighten your crown and move foward like the Queen you are.”

145. “What I lack in common sense I make up for in sarcasm.”

146. “Because I am the big brother. I’m sorry I wasn’t better at it until now.”

147. “Aw look at ‘em - so young and willing to get themselves killed.”

148. “You’re kind of turning me on.”

149. “Studies show that I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

150. “You alienated everyone you loved , and now? You’re all alone.”

[dragon-kazansky]

The hypnotist - Jervis Tetch x reader

Summary: Gotham is under threat and the dead are rising. Meanwhile, you’re still on the outside and Penguin wants your help with the Court of Owls.

Mostly you and Oswald in this chapter. Long chapter ahead!

Chapter 7 - Gotham’s judgement

The next few weeks were defiantly very exciting. Gotham always had a surprise up it’s sleeves. 

Jim had shot Mario because of the virus, which Lee didn’t believe right away. She demanded Jim be arrested, or at the very least an investigation took place for the murder of her husband, could you blame her?

Your only enjoyment out of that was watching Jim Gordon suffer. You had been through enough to find satisfaction in his misery.

Unfortunately, you were less than thrilled to bump into him while on a job. You had done such a good job of avoiding him up until now, but it was going to happen sooner of later.

Neither one of you said anything for a moment. Jim just looked you up and down, wondering what it is he should say. There had been a lot on his mind lately, but he hadn’t forgotten about what Jervis had said.

“Jim.”

“Y/N.”

“On a case?”

You wanted to keep the conversation clear from Jervis and you. You doubted that would last after what happened with Mario, but he didn’t need to know you knew. You didn’t want to explain how you had eyes and ears around the city.

“Yeah, I don’t know if you know, but Jerome’s body was taken... We think his followers have something to do with it. You heard anything?”

“Not specifically, only that apparently some of the dead have risen. Do you think Jerome will be resurrected?” You tilted your head to the side. Jerome was as good a topic as any.

“Possibly. If you hear about where they might have taken him, will you call me?”

“I guess. I should get back to work.” You went to walk past him, hoping that would be the end of it, but he reached out and grabbed you gently by the arm, causing you to turn and face him. You sigh quietly.

“I spoke to Jervis.”

“Oh?” You knew this from the letter, but you’s humour him anyway.

“He... He backed up your story. I have no reason to think he was lying. I’m sorry I put that pressure on you. I just don’t understand why you would willingly follow him. He killed people, he shot Vale in front of you, you heard what his sister said about him.” Jim was trying to read your expression, but you didn’t give him the satisfaction.

“I like him.” You shrugged. “Everyone in this city is guilty of something.”

“Not everyone.”

“Most people, then. He had been nothing but kind to me, he didn’t hypnotise me to do anything, he just talked to me. He’s sweet, sure he’s sinister and creepy at times, but I think that’s just you feeding into the loss of Alice. He’s not exactly your number one fan.”

“Right, maybe you shouldn’t visit him any more.”

“Why would I do that? I’m the only person he has.” You released your arm from his grip and took a step back.

“I’m concerned about your feelings for him.” He stares at you blankly.

“I don’t see how this is any of your business.” You glared at him. “Why don’t you go back to your case and leave Jervis and I alone? I’d much rather you did.” You hissed through your teeth.

“Y/N...”

“Unless, does you knowing the truth now change anything?” You looked up at him curiously. 

“You mean, do I think you’re an accessory to he murders Jervis Tetch committed, and am I going to arrest you?” He asked, sighing.

You nodded your head eagerly.

“No, it does not. You’re not guilty of what he did, no matter which way I look at this. You are not being sent to Arkham with him.” Jim looked at you seriously. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

That had to be! Why else would you do it?

“Whatever.” You stepped even further away from him. “I’d assume Jerome’s cult would need a lot of electricity to jump start him back from the dead.” You shrugged. “Start there.” You walked away.

Jim could only sigh and watch you go.

Within the hour you have finished up your job and take to the city. You didn’t quite feel like going home just yet.

Victor Zsaz was a well known assassin in Gotham. He took down all his targets, no matter who they were. His kill count was marked on his body. You had never met him personally, but you had heard about him.

He was currently standing across the street.

You briefly made eye contact.

“Hey!” He called out.

“Hey.” You replied.

Zsaz crossed the road and looked you up and down. He taller than you, so you had to look up a bit to make eye contact with him.

“Do you know Jim Gordon?”

“I know him.” Last you heard, Zsaz was more than capable of finding people on his own. It felt weird to be talking to an assassin. He seemed so chill.

“Where is he?”

“Did Falcone hire you to kill him after he murdered Mario, his son?”

“Maybe. Do you know where he is?”

“Not exactly. He went looking for Jerome Valeska’s cult. I told him they were somewhere with a lot of electricity. That doesn’t exactly narrow it down, but maybe you can find him from that... or just find Harvey Bullock, he’ll go to Jim.” You shrugged.

“Thanks.”

“Sure...”

Zsaz turned and left. You’re not quite sure what happened, but he was pretty cool for a hired assassin. You blinked, got over it, and left.

Later that evening, Jerome was on TV. He had woken up thanks to some dude, Dwight, who had taken his face to pretend to be him. Jerome had taken his face back and stapled it back on. It wasn’t exactly a good look, but it was the best he could do.

Jerome cut off the power in the city, telling Gotham to do whatever they wanted. Kill, steal, cause chaos. 

Luckily you were back at the house when this went down. You were sure you were safe from the chaos. Jervis wouldn’t like it if he heard you got caught up in that mess.

Though you had to admit it was rather exciting seeing the city go crazy one way or another.

By the next day Jerome had been arrested and sent to Arkham, with a newly sewn on face, after kidnapping Bruce and almost killing him. You saw it all on the news in the morning.

Deeming it safe to leave the house, you decided today you would visit Jervis again. It had been a while since you had seen him in person. The letters were nice, but you wanted to see him. You had so many whispers around the city you wanted to share with him.

As usual, Jervis was pleased to see you. He reached for your hands as soon as you sat down and you chuckled. You had missed him just as much, it felt good to hold his hands in yours.

"It's been so long since I saw you last, without you here time doesn't pass fast." He sighed and gave a little shake of his head, his curly hair swishing with the movement.

"It's good to see you to, Jervis. The house is quiet since it's just me." You also gave a sigh.

"Tell me, my dear, what have you been up to?" He smiles and leans in closer, eager to hear what you have been doing. He had long since ran put of tales to tell you on his end, well, maybe except from one.

"I've been mostly keeping to myself, Gotham has grown more curious than before."

"Oh? Do tell."

"I hear whispers that the dead are rising again. Turns out to be true because Jeroma Valeska was causing havoc yesterday. Turns out he woke up without a face and went after Bruce Wayne because that's all he remembers last." You chuckled. "I'm sure you've crossed paths with him at some point."

"He is here. I heard his laughter late last night. I have yet the pleasure of meeting him." He chuckled. "I hope James Gordon hasn't been a problem."

"Not really. I bumped into him yesterday. He believes me now, but doesn't think I'm guilty for anything. I was almost hoping for my one way ticket here, you have no idea how much I want to be with you again."

Jervis didn't like how sad you sounded.

He could only smile at how mad those words were. There isn't a single soul in Gotham who would want to be in here, but you just wanted to be with him. He was flattered.

"Arkham is no place for such a wonderful soul." He smiled.

"I don't care. At least we would be under the same roof and I wouldn't have to see Jim again." You chuckled, no actual humour behind it.

"I would like nothing more than to see you everyday."

You both just gazed at one another for a moment. You took in all his features. His dark brown eyes, his curly hair, his smile. As dramatic as it sounded, you were afraid of forgetting any small detail about him the longer you go without seeing him.

Being in love with a criminal who was locked up in mental asylum was beyond difficult.

You bit your lip shyly and looked down at your entwined hands.

"Please don't shed tears," you felt him wipe away the tears you were unaware were falling, "tell me how to ease your fears." He whispered.

"I... I should go." You let go of his hands and got up quickly, leaving without saying goodbye.

Jervis wanted to call out you, but couldn't find his voice. He was stunned that you left so quickly. His heart ached to go after you, but alas he couldn't.

He wasn't sure what got you so upset, but he knew he didn't like it.

Visiting him was getting hard. Every time you came here to see him, you were just reminded that you would be leaving alone.

Your loneliness was really starting to take effect on you.

You told yourself you wouldn't visit him for a while.

Turns out you wouldn't have to worry about that as Oswald Cobblepot had returned to the city after being shot and pushed into the river by Nygma. Ivy Pepper had saved him and told him she could help him put together an army of freaks from Indian hill. While in the topic of hired help, he had thought of you. Barbara hadn't seen you all day and didn't know where you were living now, but it seemed like fate was its game today when he saw you in the street.

"Just the person I was looking for!"

You turned around and saw Penguin waddling your way.

"Penguin, what do I owe the pleasure?" Since he didn't seem to hold any grudge on you for that founders party dinner, you figured you could at least hear him out.

"I need your help." He smiled.

"Uh, sure, what do you want me to do?" You figured it was a favour.

"Actually, this is a little different. Would you be ever so kind to come back to the mansion with me?" His smile remained present ad he looked at you.

"I suppose. Lead the way."

You needed the distraction, so going with him didn't sound like too bad of an idea. Oswald actually remained quite pleasant all the way to his mansion, which he hadn't seen since Ed pushed him in the river.

When you reached the mansion there a three other people there:

Ivy Pepper, who is beyond pleased to see Penguin return with a friend.

Victor Fries, who is standing in the far corner with a blank expression and making you feel cold just by being in the room with him.

Bridget Pike, otherwise known as Firefly, who has put as much space between herself and Fries and giving a forced smile.

"This is everyone!" Oswald announces proudly as you take in the state of his make shift crew.

“So, what am I doing here? You have two pretty cool team mates already. no pun intended.” You looked at Fries.

“Well, you seem to be able to handle yourself. I know all about the Tetch thing that happened.” Oswald smiled. “I think it’s in my best interest to have you on my side too.”

“Your interest? What about my interest?”

“What do you want?” He shook his head lightly, wondering what your price was.

“I want Jervis Tetch out of Arkham.” You crossed your arms.

“I don’t think-”

“That’s my price. Take it or leave it.”

Penguin saw that this was the only way he’d get you on the team and sighed, nodding a couple of times. “Very well, I’ll see what strings I can pull, but you only get that if I get what I want.”

“Yeah, you haven’t told me that part yet.” You walked past him and went to sit next to Ivy on the sofa.

“And yet you’re already staying.”

“Just tell me the detail before I reconsider everything.” You gave a long drawn out sigh.

“You’re going to help me take down Ed and Barbara Kean.” He stood there with a smug grin on his face.

“Ed?”

“Edward Nygma? Maybe you have heard of him. He used to work for me.” He shifted on the spot as if there was more to that story, but he didn’t tell you what it was.

“OK. I can help take out a few people.” You shrugged. “Looks to me like our job just got a little easier though.” You gestured to the TV which Ivy had put on, turning up the volume.

Penguin went and got a closer look.

‘The Riddler’ had been apprehended, then he escaped.

“How long did it take him to come with that one?” Oswald chuckled. He turned around with a grin and looked at each of you. “Rest up, tomorrow is going to be a busy day.”

You glanced at the TV once more before going off to find your room.

You were ready bright and early in the morning. You had no real reason to trust Oswald Cobblepot, he was known for stabbing people in the back and tossing them to the side when he was down with them, but you would make sure he kept up his end of the deal when this was over.

You thought it best not to tell Jervis about what you were doing, you could explain everything when you saw him in person.

“Come along!” You hear Penguin call from down the hall.

Along with Firefly, you followed Oswald out of the mansion and, as his request, you drive to Jim’s place. Apparently there was more to this plan that he had told you last night. You sort of expected it as, once again, he isn’t trustworthy.

Jim leaves his crappy little apartment after talking to Harvey on the phone, his path his blocked by Penguin and you. He looks over his shoulder to see Firefly blocking off the other side.

Clearly Penguin wanted to talk to him.

“Oswald.”

“Hello, Jim.” Penguin smiled at him.

“I didn’t think you two would be working together, not after the dinner.” Jim looks at you.

“Let’s just forget about that night, shall we?” You sigh.

“I haven’t seen you for a while, where have you been?” He asks, looking concerned about your well-being.

“Non of your business.” You hiss.

“Have you been visiting Jervis?”

“Again, non of your business.”

“I’m concerned about what he’s doing to you.” Jim keeps pushing and pushing.

“He’s done nothing to me, leave it alone.” You can feel your anger boiling with each word that leaves his mouth.

Jim drops it for now.

“Guess I shouldn’t be surprised you’re still alive.” Oswald goes down the steps and closer to Jim, you remain where you are.

“Yes, I’m quite hard to kill.” Oswald says proudly. 

“I take it this isn’t a social call.”

“I’m looking for Ed. We have some unfinished business. And it turns out you are the last one who saw him.”

You furrow your gaze Jim.

Apparently Ed disappeared after being apprehended. No one has seen him since. It made you wonder what was going on in this city.

“Yeah, before escaped police custody.”

“Escaped? From the great Detective Gordon? I think not. Ed Went on television demanding information about a group that runs Gotham. A group called the ‘Court.’ And you called him and said you had that information.”

This was the first time you had heard about this ‘Court’ and you wondered what else you had missed while focusing on Jervis all this time.

“A ruse to get him to the GCPD.”

You scoffed.

“Perhaps. But then you arrest him, and, voila, he disappears. Sorry, ‘escapes custody.’ Can you see how I might think you may have handed Ed off to this all-powerful group from some reason?” Oswald got right up in Jim’s face.

“For your own sake, Oswald, drop it.”

“I knew it.” Oswald turns to smile at both you and Bridgit.

“You don’t know anything.” Jim grabs Penguin and pulls him closer to him. “Trust me, let it go.”

“Jim Gordon concerned about our safety?” You shook your head with an assumed smile. “I thought I was free from all that.”

He chose to ignore you.

“Sorry, no can do. I assume the Court doesn’t like publicity, hence Ed’s sudden disappearance after his television debut. But that is exactly what they’re going to get. Unless they deal with me in a civilised and professional manner. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind facilitating something on my behalf.” Oswald pulled out a phone and handed it over to Jim. “My number is the only one in here. I will expect a call by the end of the day.”

“Why do I get the sense I’m being threatened?”

“This is a favour, Jim. After all, we’re old friends, right?” Oswald turned around and came back to you, not sparing you a glance as you remained stood on the steps looking at Jim.

He looked back, but neither of you said anything. You slowly turned on your heel and left, following Oswald back up to the car.

You all head back to the mansion.

When you get there Ivy is waiting with a letter in hand, she give it to you with a smile and leaves. You already know who it’s from by the handwriting. You go over to the table and open it up.

My dear Y/N,

Something curious happened late last night, almost enough to give me a fright. Captain Barnes was being escorted away, then someone strange got in their way. 

The man and the captain had a fight, the man won and took him out of sight. Barnes is now out there roaming free, the rest I’ll share when you next see me.

Jervis

You smiled as you folded the letter up. Best not to let Penguin know about this, he would only start a riot. You rose up from the table and tucked the letter away.

You would make time to visit Jervis later.

For now you passed the time until Jim called.

Jim didn’t call for several hours, Penguin couldn’t pick up the phone fast enough when it did ring.

“Hello, Jim.”

You looked up at him as he answered the call. You got up and moved closer, hoping to hear Jim’s side of the conversation.

“I was beginning to think I wasn’t going to hear from you.”

“I met you the other night, didn’t I?” You heard Jim say. You and Oswald shared a look of confusion. “When you took Nygma?”

It became clear to you very quickly that he wasn’t talking to Penguin.

“Jim?”

“I keep wondering what it is the Court is planning to do with him.”

“Stop talking.” You heard in the back.

“This used to be a bank, right? First bank of Gotham?”

Oswald caught on to what Jim was doing. He looked at you and you nodded.

“I just hope it can withstand whatever the bomb’s going to do to it.”

‘Bomb?’ You mouthed at Oswald. Was this the weapon you had heard whispers about?

“It sounds like we don’t have much time.”

“Shut up.”

Penguin hung up and rushed off, you followed him as quickly as possible. Jim was in a dangerous situation right now and he had reached out to Penguin for help.

“Let me get this straight, this Court runs Gotham and they are going to wipe it out with a bomb?” You asked quickly, trying to keep up with everyone as they got ready.

“That’s it.” Penguin confirmed.

“And they have Ed?”

“Supposedly.”

“Why the hell am I even still here? What are my services even for? I don’t know how to disarm a bomb.”

“You’re an extra number on my side.” Penguin sighed, tired with your questions.

“An extra number? For real?” You crossed your arms. “If I stick with you, will you keep up your end of the deal?”

“Yes, if you come with me now and help rescue Jim.”

You were doing this for Jervis.

The first bank of Gotham. Very well then.

You arrive just in time to help Jim with his fight. Firefly turns on her flamethrower which causes the guy to back up and fall through the window, landing down below where a gathering was taking place.

Jim calls out for everyone to get out.

The bomb was sitting on top of a table in the centre of the room.

You stand beside Oswald.

“Took you long enough. I need to get these people out of here.”

“And I need to talk to the Court.” Penguin tried to stop him. “Have them turn over Ed. Remember?”

“There is a bomb down there with a weaponized version of the Alice Tetch virus.”

You perk up at that.

“They turned the virus into a weapon?” You peered down into the room curiously.

Jim glanced at you.

“If you want to be here when it goes off, be my guest.” Jim marched passed Penguin.

“What about out deal?”

“You just torched their assassin. My guess is, they’ll be in touch.”

You shook your head and backed away from Penguin. “I’m out.” You turned on your heel and ran as fast as you could. The Court was Penguin’s issue, you had to see Jervis now. There is no way he knew about the weapon.

Then again, the weapon would be doing exactly what he was doing, just on a bigger scale. He might even be pleased to hear about it.

You put as much distance between you and the Bank as possible and made your way to the safe house. You decided it might be best to lay low for a little while. If the Court knew about you helping Penguin, would they bring you in too?

You knew the deal would be out the window as soon as you left Penguin’s side, but it seemed like the better option. You really didn’t like the sound of this Court and wanted out before they could get to you too.

You didn’t leave the house until the next day.

Penguin had surely been taken in by now and no one seemed to be after you. Perhaps you weren’t a threat to them, despite the fact you knew of them. Perhaps they were just waiting.

You took your chances and made the trip to Arkham.

Jervis was waiting. He wasn’t entirely sure you would visit him again after your sudden leave last time, but he hoped you would come.

When he was told he had a visitor he perked up, hoping it was you who had come to him. He wanted to know you were alright and 

It wasn’t.

It was Leslie Thompkins.

“Twinkle, twinkle, pretty doctor, how I with I could unlock her.” Jervis kept his gaze on her as she chose to stand rather than sit with him. “Here in Arkham, what a wonder. Too bad her husband’s six feet under.”

“Clever. How is life in the nuthouse?”

“Oh, you know, it has its ups and downs. It’s a little lonely, if I’m honest.” He thought of you. “Forgive me for saying this, Leslie, dear, but, uh, you don’t look yourself.” He didn’t want to talk about you and decided to get straight to the point. After all, she had come to see him for a reason. “Have you been sleeping? Or are you plagued by nightmares?”

“You want to hear the funny thing, Jervis?” She sat down.

“Oh, do tell. I do so love funny things.”

“I never really blamed you for infecting Mario. I just thought, ‘Why blame the lunatic?’ So I blamed Jim.”

“Wise... though hardly sidesplittingly funny.” He narrowed his brows and gazed at her in slight confusion.

“Why did you infect him?”

“Oh, Doctor, is that the question that’s been ruining your sleep?”

“You wanted to hurt Jim. Why not infect me? Why make Mario suffer?” She tried to search for answers in his gaze, but couldn’t find any.

“Do you remember our tea party at your lovely home?”

“When you shot Valerie Vale.”

“Yes! Good memory. Well, I saw the way that you looked at James Gordon. You loved him. And that love doomed Mario.” Jervis had a tiny grin on his face.

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It makes perfect sense!” He raised his voice and leaned forwards slightly. “Jim Gordon does not deserve love! Jim Gordon does not get love!” He yelled. “I infect your husband. You blame Jim. Your love him becomes hate.”

Lee understood it now.

“It makes perfect sense.”

Lee stood up.

“And it worked. But you know the funny thing? There’s poor Mario, cold in the ground... and here you are, blaming Jim, even blaming me, but guess who’s really to blame?”

“I am.”

“Now, see, that’s funny.” He smiles.

“I feel sorry for Y/N. It’s true what they say about not helping who you fall in love with, but I’m sorry it had to be you.” She didn’t find any of this funny. She wanted to hurt him for what happened.

Jervis’ smile seemed to brighten up. You were in love with him? Truly? Oh, he hoped that was true. Denying his feelings for you was beginning to hurt. He had lots of time to think in here, and think of you he did.

“It’s a shame that love story is as tragic as mine.”

Jervis frowned and glared up at the woman.

Now that, he didn’t like.

Lee left him alone.

Jervis sat there for a moment, frowning. He had no intention of staying in Arkham, he also had no intention of leaving you out there alone. If what Lee said was true, then he just couldn’t.

He wouldn’t let this end tragically too.

Jervis waited to be escorted back to his cell, but confusion took over when he realised the guard hadn’t come in to get him.

“Excuse me, are we not returning to my cell?” He called out.

“You have another visitor.” The guard replied.

Well, Jervis certainly felt popular today. He turned back to the gate to see who had come to see him now.

His gaze softened when you walked in. He was so happy to see you. Jervis had been so worried after you left so quickly last time. He wasn’t sure what it was that made you so upset, but he was glad to know you seemed alright now.

You smiled at him as you sat down.

“Hello Jervis.”

“Hello, my dear. What a wonderful surprise!” He couldn’t contain his excitement.

“I’m sorry about running off last time... but don’t worry, all is good. Well.... sort of.” You bit your lip sheepishly.

“Has something happened?”

You glanced up at the guard who had his back turned on the other side of the gate. You leaned in closer and placed your hands on Jervis’. He also leaned in when he realised that what ever you were about to tell him was important.

“I got your letter about Barnes... something weird is going on in Gotham.”

“It is the type of place to attract weirdness.” He chuckled softly.

“I know that, but this is really weird. Have you heard of the Court?”

“I can’t say I have.” He furrowed his gaze at you. “What’s going on? Are you in trouble?”

“No, at least, not yet. I think Gotham is being run by some secret alliance... and I think they have turned Alice’s blood into a weapon. I didn’t stick around for all the details, but if I had to guess, they want to wipe out Gotham...”

“My dear Alice has been turned into a weapon?” He covered his mouth and shook his head. “My poor sister.”

“James Gordon is looking into it, but something it weird about him too.”

Jervis reached for your hands again and leaned in close once more.

“Stay away from him. He will being you no good.” Jervis frowned. “Perhaps you should leave Gotham for a while? You’ll be safer.”

“No. I’m not leaving Gotham, what about you? I can’t leave you here alone.”

He smiled.

“You don’t have to worry about me. Spend enough time in here and you become accustomed to it.” Jervis chuckled. “I just want you safe.”

“I’m not leaving.” You gave a small grin. “You can’t make me either.”

Jervis chuckled too.

“Before I forget, I saw Lee before I came in... Did she come to speak to you?”

You assumed as much considering what happened on her wedding day. Talk about the worst wedding ever.

“She did. I wonder what she will do. Curious.” He chuckled.

“What did she want?”

“She wanted to know why I infected Mario and not her. Under other circumstances, she would have been impressed, but alas, she was a part of the equation.”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m impressed.”

“I’m happy with that outcome.”

“I should go, I need to find out what happened to Penguin after I left yesterday.” You began to rise from the table, Jervis reluctantly let go of your hands.

“Penguin?” He tilted his head to the side. “What were you doing with him?”

“Working. I just didn’t realise just how bad the job would get.” You gave him a soft smile and made your way over to the gate. “I’ll try and visit again soon.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

You smiled as you bit your lip again, moving over to him and placing a kiss to his cheek. You left before he could say anything.

Jervis was once again left alone filled with happiness.

The guard came in and escorted him back to his cell.

However, neither of you knew what else was to come. The bomb in the bank was just beginning of Gotham’s judgement.

Things were about to get more complicated.

Tags:

@mistressoftorture @fandombeehive @awyr

[irwintry]

2% Milk

Warnings: swearing

Author’s Note: sea bears

Word Count: 2.3k

part one two

Luke had never been this paranoid in his entire life.

Your words were short, your gaze no longer prolonged, and your tolerance with physical contact was growing thin day by day. You laughed at his jokes and smiled every time he walked in the room, but those lovely grins would falter as soon as his presence registered.

Luke felt sick to his stomach.

You were his. You had been his for nearly a year. He was yours. Even after you had gone back to school for your last year, he made sure to be there whenever you needed. He reminded you to take your pills on important days (just in case you forgot – he would never bug you about it in fear of it becoming bothersome), and he often dropped by whenever you felt exceptionally sad so he could give you a proper cuddle. Even if the journey took a few hours, it was always worth it to see you.

So now, his heart was in his feet at the thought of you no longer loving him. He had never loved anyone more.

Luke couldn’t believe there had been a time where he hated you. Even looking at you annoyed him, and now he still found himself lost in your eyes after dating for as long as you two had been. As cheesy as it sounded, they were his favorite color. He had given every part of himself to you throughout the past year, and he had never done that before to anyone, not even Mason. If Luke lost you, he’d lose himself, too.

It was a shame that was the truth. A person should never consistently rely on another for their happiness. You had become another half of him, so it was hard to deny that losing you would destroy him. He would never want you to feel guilty about the decision, even if it did tear him apart.

Commitment scared him. He knew of people his age getting married and settling down, and as bad as he wanted to do it one day, he didn’t know when he’d feel ready. He hadn’t been in a relationship as serious as this one with you, and he wasn’t sure he should be thinking about marriage so soon. Nevertheless, he was.

He pictured his life with you, and he’d smile. He envisioned the two of you in a white house with red shutters, a little boy and girl running through a sprinkler on the lawn. Years ago, if someone asked him what he wanted, he wouldn’t have told you the answer was a family. He never imagined settling down like that. He wanted to travel the world and live life as if there were no tomorrow. Now, he couldn’t picture living his life without you.

It was safe to say that Luke was terrified. You had never hesitated like this.

The front door to your parent’s home creaked slightly as he stepped through it. Your car was in the driveway, as was Mason’s. Luke expected to find the two of you in the living room playing Mario Party 12 on the Wii, but there was no excessive shouting coming from that direction. The TV was off, and the only sound he could hear was the distant murmur of two voices from the kitchen.

Luke hadn’t felt nerves like these since he played baseball in school. He dreaded batting – he preferred playing shortstop, but the team batting was always too good, so he never stayed in that position long enough.

He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop. Truly, he wished he hadn’t.

You had been crying, and Mason – while usually very aloof when it came to any sort of emotion – was consoling you. From what Luke could guess, the conversation you were having with your brother was the reason you had started crying in the first place. It didn’t make sense to Luke at the beginning, and then he felt weightless in his boots.

He rested his forehead against the pale wall, eyes wide and watery as he attempted to steady his breathing. His hands were in fists on the wall beside his head, his fingernails cutting deep crescent indents into his skin. He couldn’t think. His brain was too muddled, and he couldn’t think.

You were pregnant. Pregnant. You were pregnant with a child. Most likely his child.

Luke swallowed and blinked a few times to let whatever tears had emerged fall onto the faux suede of his boots. Of all the times he thought about overcoming commitment, he never imagined it happening so soon. If he chose to be completely honest, no matter how many times he thought about it, he knew he would never be ready for the news.

He felt sick to his stomach. Every inch of him had numbed, and his limbs were no longer mobile as the conversation between you and Mason carried on. Luke tried his best to listen in despite his head losing focus every second.

“–not easy to even think about,” Mason said. “If you want me to tell him, I can.”

Luke’s ears perked, but his heartbeat was still too loud.

“Don’t... don’t do that,” you sputtered out through sniffs.

His heart ached. He wanted to stomp in there and press you tight against him until all worries faded away, but his touch wouldn’t help this time. At least he had an answer as to why you somewhat-removed yourself from him. He couldn’t imagine how heavy this felt in your chest. Every time you saw him, you were reminded that you were bearing his child.

Fuck, he thought.

But, what if it wasn’t his child?

Luke couldn’t think like that. He knew you wouldn’t cheat on him. If anything, you had room to believe he’d cheat on you. Though he never, ever would, but even you knew he had never been this dedicated to anyone before in his life.

“How would you do it?” Mason asked. His voice was calm, unlike what Luke’s would be if he were there.

There was a moment of silence. Luke pressed his palms flat against the cool wall and took a breath. It was shaky, but he had been holding it in for what felt like ages. Only a moment passed since he heard the news.

Suddenly, Luke felt so guilty. This was your news to tell, not his to overhear. He had to leave before he made any further mistakes.

“I don’t even think he wants to know,” you whispered, but he had heard.

Luke frowned, returning to his spot against the wall by the staircase.

“He’s– he’s never even talked about kids, s-so...”

“So?” Mason questioned.

“What if he doesn’t want it?”

Luke wiped his eyes and paced for a moment. Every tremor in your voice shattered his heart even more, he couldn’t take it. As much as he wanted to waltz in and say everything would be okay, he needed air. He needed to make sure he was okay before the day your reveal came.

And, he really, really hoped it would be soon.

-

Luke hadn’t seen you since he heard you talking with Mason that night a week ago. He pretended to be busy simply so he could sit on the news a little longer, but nothing helped. The two of you were so young, and you had been so careful. He couldn’t get over that part the most. He couldn’t remember what possibly went wrong one night a few weeks ago that brought the two of you to where you were now. He wasn’t angry at himself, and that scared him most of all.

The white house with red shutters consumed his mind when he wasn’t thinking about you. His smile was so big in his daydreams. He laughed while his kids danced in the damp grass, their tiny eyes brighter than his had ever been. It all felt so real now. This life was within reach if he just knocked on your front door – well, walked in (he hadn’t knocked in six years). He couldn’t keep avoiding you while he knew what he wanted. It wasn’t fair to you.

Besides, what if you didn’t want this?

Luke’s forehead had broken out in pimples because of the number of times he’d rested his hands up there. He could also blame the stress of this whole thing for making his skin cry so loud. With one long sigh, he reached for the keys to his bike and slung his jacket over his shoulder.

Ready or not, he needed to see you.

He walked in unannounced, his hands deep in his pockets as he rounded the corner into the living room. You had been balls deep in a film about two secretaries setting up their bosses when he walked in, your mouth wide open as you flung popcorn into it. Your hand froze in the air, the popcorn kernel hitting your shoulder on the way down. The air was too thick for Luke’s liking.

“H-hey,” you muttered as you scrambled to find the remote so you could pause the movie. “What’s... what’s up, Lu?”

He took a deep breath. What was he going to say?

“You’re sweaty,” you stated, standing up to greet him. Even then, you maintained a decent distance.

He nodded. “You scare me,” he whispered. He waited until confusion flooded your features before he continued. “You scare the fucking shit out of me. You know that? You like soy milk, but you drink 2% with your cereal. You hate watermelon, but you have three pairs of socks with watermelons on them. What’s the deal?”

“Luke, I’m– “

“You tell me you’re head over heels in love with me, then you suddenly start avoiding any contact with me.” Luke could no longer feel his fingers. Truth be told, he had no idea what he was saying. He couldn’t think straight when looking at you, so he simply just spoke. “Ya fucking terrify me, sweetie. So, what am I supposed to do, y’know? I’ve been sittin’ and makin’ myself sick over this. Every time you retract from a hug, I lose my goddamn mind. And– “

“Slow down.”

“I can’t... I can’t!”

“Please.” Your eyes were watery; he could tell you were thinking about spilling it all right then and there.

He shook his head. “I know– I’ve known... I-I know.”

“Know?” Your voice did not resemble your expression. You looked properly spooked. “Know what?”

“Baby.” Luke felt so pathetic.

“What?”

He couldn’t think a single coherent thought. “Do you want?” So, so pathetic.

You raised an eyebrow. “You’re confusing me, Lu.”

“Pr– “ He sucked in a breath and pressed his lips together. “Pregnant. Are you?” What, was he fucking Yoda? Luke wanted to hit himself.

The silence stung more than he expected it to. Your face had fallen, and the longer you waited to say anything, the more he wanted to make sure you would never frown again. Along with that, he began thinking of the many ways he could have addressed the situation much better than he had moments ago.

“How...” You sat down on the side of the couch, your eyes casting down towards the floor as you folded your arms. “How did you find out?”

It upset him how weak you sounded. He considered making a move to hug you now, but even then, he had no idea how you would take it. You appeared so fragile. It absolutely killed him.

“You– “ Luke took a breath. “You were with Mason the other night or something...”

Your mouth opened, and he could barely hear a soft “oh” come from your parted lips. “I’ve wanted to tell you,” you said. “I just... I needed to think I guess. I needed to convince myself that everything would be okay.” A tear fell down your cheek, but you wiped it away before Luke could reach out to wipe it himself. “Will it be okay?”

He nodded, taking a step towards you and flinching when he waited for you to move away. He took one more step when you inched towards him. “Sweetie,” he mumbled as he tugged on your waist.

You fell into him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders so you could hold him tight. “Sweetie,” you mocked. “’m scared.”

“Yeah?”

You nodded into his chest.

“Me too,” he replied. He raised a shaky hand to brush a few strands of hair away from your face. “I mean, what if the baby doesn’t like coffee?”

You smiled, and then your eyes widened. “You’re not... you want this?”

“Only if you do, sweetie,” he grinned. His brain was on fire. He felt sick, but he felt happy.

“I-I do,” you said. You reached a hand up to his cheek so you could bring him down to your level. The kiss you placed on his lips was soft and sweet, and it sent a swarm of butterflies to erupt in Luke’s stomach. “I-I’m just– wow, I-I’m so– “

Luke chuckled, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’m so lucky.”

“Yes, yeah, I was gonna say that.”

He laughed once more, spreading his fingers against your stomach as he gazed longingly at you. “So, are you really lactose intolerant? Like, what is the deal with the two gallons of 2% in your fridge?”

You groaned. “Can’t believe you’re going to be the father of our child.”

“Believe it, sweetie,” he sighed – happily, he would add. He was truly the happiest he had felt in ages. Even when he claimed he never felt happier when he was with you, he never knew he would feel like this. He was so, so in love with you, and now he was lucky enough to have a child with you. He was so happy.

[exxar1]

Aaron

10/29/2020

This picture was taken at my 9th or 10th birthday party, which would make it summer of ’87 or ’88. Pictured from left to right are Aaron Walker, my brother Jeremy, me, Jeff Reed and Brett Biers. Aaron, Brett, Jeff and I grew up together in Twin Falls, Idaho. I can’t tell you exactly when we all first met, but I don’t remember my grade school years without any of them, and I know there’s a photo album in my parents’ basement with a picture of me and Aaron playing together when we were only a few months old. The four of us were inseparable, and, while there were others in our circle of friends, these three guys are the main cast in my memories from childhood.

Yesterday, as I clocked off for my lunch break at Walmart, my watch signaled a new text notification. I glanced down, and the world around me came to a grinding, silent halt. It was from my dad, notifying me that Aaron had died.

I stared at the message, not quite comprehending what I was seeing. I read the words, but they had no meaning. I just kept reading them over and over, trying to wrap my mind around this terrible news. I finally forced myself to get moving, and I called my dad for more details as I left the store.

Even now, as I write this, it still doesn’t seem real.

I spent all that afternoon in that strange, detached daze that only sudden grief can cause. Memories flooded me in tidal waves that forced me to fight back tears as choked out the words “Good afternoon, welcome to Walmart” to the strangers coming into the store. There was, thankfully, only two hours left in my shift and, as soon as it was over, I wasted no time in clocking out and racing for the solitude of my car.

Here’s a few memories of my old friend:

Aaron, Brett, Jeff and I at our friend Jake’s dairy farm in Jerome, Idaho. There was a massive, deep manure pond that we all loved to chuck giant rocks into and then leap back to avoid the splash effect. (It’s a wonder none of us ever fell in.)

Sitting on the grass outside school during lunch, bartering for each other’s desserts, and then swapping dirty jokes, making sure to speak low enough so the nearby teachers wouldn’t hear. Aaron and Jeff had the best ones, as I recall. Most of them were about Pollocks and Jews, and more than a few were good, old fashioned fart jokes. (There is no one outside the age of grade school boys who can truly appreciate the fine humor of bodily functions.)

Aaron, in particular, always made me laugh. He was the one in class sticking pencils up his nose or using scotch tape to make funny faces. And, if I’m recalling correctly, he could also use scotch tape and notebook paper to make the sharpest Chinese throwing star this side of the Rockies.

Aaron – like his father – had a particular sense of humor. In addition to the aforementioned jokes, he loved nothing more than a good prank. His favorite one was to pick up a deck of cards and ask me if I want to play “Fifty-two card pickup”. I said, “Sure.” He then tossed the entire deck on the floor and said, “There ya go. Now pick ‘em up.” (The sad part is, I fell for that joke more than once.) He also enjoyed reaching across the table at lunch and jamming his finger into the middle of my PB&J while asking, “Is that your sandwich?” That one always pissed me off and I’d retaliate by mashing his sandwich or tossing his chips on the floor. (Something else you should know about grade school boys: we don’t have the best of manners, and we show our friendship in odd ways.)

(And, while we’re on the subject of practical jokes, Brett once gave me what I thought was a chunk of oat bran cereal to snack on. After eating it, he laughed and told me it was dog food.)

I remember fishing trips with the Walkers and me trying to learn the fine art of skipping rocks on the lake water. Aaron and his dad taught me and my brothers how to properly gut a fish. That I still remember clearly, and I could probably do it right now if I had a fresh fish and knife here on my coffee table.

I also remember the four of us hiding from the 6th grade bullies at recess, and there was one time when Aaron had to be rushed to the emergency room because one of the older boys gave him a white piece of candy that was actually a mothball. (These were the same older boys that always teased me for sometimes playing with the girls at recess.)

I remember sleepovers at the Walker house where Aaron and I played Frogger on his Atari. (I believe that Jeff was the first among us to have an original Nintendo system, and it was at one of his birthday parties that I was introduced to Super Mario Bros.) The Walkers were also professional UNO players, and I almost always lost to Aaron, his brothers, or his dad.

There were summer trips to Red Cliff Bible Camp in Pinedale, Wyoming, where we spent a week enjoying all kinds of outdoor recreation as well as nightly church services. If my memory is correct, Aaron and I were the only ones from our circle of friends in grade school who attended Red Cliff once every summer. While I still remember bits and pieces of those summers, there is one clear memory that stands out from the rest. It was one night towards the end of the week, and a bunch of us kids were seated around a large campfire in front of – or near to – the main lodge. It was one of those perfect summer nights – not too cold, just a hint of a breeze, and vast sky full of stars. We were all in the midst of a sing-a-long being led by one of the counselors, and, in the middle of it, Aaron turned to me and put his arm around my shoulders. He smiled at me, and, with tears in his eyes, said, “I love you, man!” “I love you too,” I replied, throwing my arm around him.

For most of high school there was only ten in our class, and we became as close as any group of kids could be at a Christian private school in a town of less than forty-five thousand. There were Friday night ski trips where I remember Aaron on his snowboard, swooshing down the mountain at various speeds and trying not to faceplant. I’m pretty sure it was either him or one of his brothers that ended up crashing into a tree because he went off the trail after dark. (If not Aaron, it was somebody in our class, I know that much for sure.)

In our senior year, during homeroom on Monday morning of each week, our class would select a saying or motto to write in the upper corner of the blackboard that would stay there the whole week. For awhile, Aaron was the one picking the sayings, and they were usually lyrics from current, popular rock songs. It took a few weeks before our teacher, Mrs. Tutty, finally caught on and gave us all a good scolding. In the years since, whenever I hear the song, “The World I Know” by Collective Soul, I always think of Aaron.

Also during our senior year: a winter trip to South Dakota that was just us boys and Brett’s dad. We spent a weekend up in a cabin in the mountains and rented snow mobiles. There’s a lot from that trip that has stayed with me these many years, but the only thing that’s relevant here is that Aaron succeeded in crashing his snow mobile when he tried to cut through a grove of trees. Thankfully, the worst of the damage was a cracked windshield that was easily replaced. The rest of that trip was a lot of guy bonding time that definitely included more dirty jokes and Jeff once again demonstrating his remarkable ability to make fart noises with his armpit.

In the years after high school, as we all set out on our respective paths into the world, we promised we would stay in touch. And we all did . . . for awhile. The path I chose was the Army and it took me to a posting in Germany. But that career didn’t end well, and when I needed a character witness for my courts-martial, I called Aaron. The Army flew him overseas, and were briefly reunited in Hanau, Germany, in fall of ’99. We hadn’t seen each other for a couple years, and we had fun catching up. He told me about a girl he met at college, and I told him all about life in the military. (It wasn’t great.)

In the years that followed, as life took us further and further apart, all of us from the class of ‘97 lost touch, as childhood friends often do. Aaron and I, however, stayed in sporadic contact with one another since we were both back living in Twin Falls by 2001, but we didn’t really hang out on a regular basis. I eventually moved to Boise in the fall of 2003 to attend BSU, and Aaron was busy getting his realtor’s license. He even spent the night at my apartment one time because one of his tests was at a campus in Boise. We ordered pizza, watched a movie, and spent the rest of the evening get caught up on each other’s lives. It was at this time that I decided to tell Aaron that I was gay. I don’t think he quite knew how to react, and, while he tried to be supportive, my confession turned the evening awkward. I changed the subject, and we didn’t speak of it after that.

After I graduated BSU in December of 2005, I moved back to Twin, but Aaron and I didn’t get together anymore. I tried a few times to get in touch with him, but my calls and texts went ignored. I was a little hurt, at first, but I didn’t know what else to do so I just let it go.

A few years ago, after I had relocated to Las Vegas, and when I was back up in Twin for a family visit, I received a text from Aaron. He wanted to take me to dinner. I said yes, and, while I was excited to be reunited, I was also nervous. We hadn’t talked in many years, and it seemed a little strange that he suddenly wanted to hang out with me again after all this time.

One of the things that I’ve always loved about Aaron is that he’s so easy to talk to. Our dinner conversation started where we’d left off several years earlier, as if nothing had changed. I told him I was glad he had reached out to me, and that I was afraid I had alienated him because he wasn’t comfortable with me being gay. Aaron assured me that, no, that wasn’t it, and he had no issue with it. He’d just been going through some things in his own life at that time, and he hadn’t meant to lose touch the way he did. The rest of our conversation was spent like the others before: catching each other up on what we’d been doing for the last few years. He had accomplished way more than me: a beautiful family and a very successful real estate business.

After dinner, we ended up at Elevation 486, where we sat outside on the canyon rim by the fire, and we continued talking. At some point, another guy took one of the empty seats on the other side of the fire, and I don’t remember if it was Aaron that struck up a conversation with him, or if the stranger made a remark about something Aaron had just said to me. Either way, Aaron and this guy started talking, and their conversation lasted for several minutes. I watched, amazed, wondering if Aaron already knew this guy through work or something else. By the end of their talk, as the guy stood up to leave, Aaron gave him a business card and told him to contact him if he ever had any real estate needs. After the guy left, I turned to Aaron. “Was that one of your friends?” I asked, but I already knew the answer. Aaron just laughed and shook his head. “No.” I laughed too, utterly amazed and a little envious. I have never been able to be that kind of a people person. I’ve always been too introverted and socially awkward to be able to instantly connect with strangers the way Aaron connected to that guy that night around a fire pit.

That, in a nutshell, was Aaron. He was the friendliest, kindest soul you would ever meet, and he knew no stranger. Even if he and I hadn’t started out in a playpen together, we would have probably met somewhere on the road of life and been instant friends. He, like all of us, had his demons, but he loved God and he loved his family, and he will forever be missed during the rest of our time down here. I look forward to that time when we can be together again on the other side, reunited at the feet of our Heavenly Father.

Goodbye, my old friend.

[cosmosogler]

hello. i had a little trouble falling asleep last night. i like to pet eve while she falls asleep, but it’s not the most comfortable position for me, as i usually prefer to sleep on my other side. i think for the first time in weeks i actually DIDN’T have to get up after laying there for 30 minutes, which was nice, as that means i actually fell asleep 30 minutes earlier than it usually takes me. since when i get up i usually have to start falling asleep all over.

i didn’t manage to do anything productive before i left for lunch. i met with linda and david and we hung out and nibbled on our food and talked for two hours. it was nice. i made a mistake though. when they asked how i continued studying physics without any emotional support from my parents i said “because i hate myself” and they got REALLY concerned. 

i guess that is kind of a vicious comment. i tend to laugh after i say it so people my age react like it might have been a joke. they cut through the usual bs i pad my depression admissions with though and asked if i was doing ok and if i was talking to a counselor. 

they talked a lot about pearl and al. i remember that pearl liked to talk about linda and david whenever i went to visit, but i filed them away as “people i don’t know” even though she would tell me they lived in the same area as me. but now i know them, so now i am visiting with them.

when i got home i played outside with wiley until we were both exhausted. eve ran around a little bit, but i think she got hot really fast. wiley has thick, long fur, but eve is black.

i was way too sore and pained to do anything all afternoon. i didn’t make any phone calls. though i did pick up my prescriptions from the pharmacy and checked on my refills. and i called and talked to oz and mario for a while. oz showed me a really fun app for your phone where you throw paper airplanes around the world and stamp ones that come to you. i found airplanes stamped from all sorts of places. i showed it to dad later and he liked it too. there’s no names attached, just cities and dates.

i spent a long time downstairs hanging out with the dogs while i waited for mom and dad to make a decision about dinner. and i cleaned the pool while dad did yard work. the tree on the sidewalk that runs behind our backyard is in bloom and the little yellow flowers and pollen have coated our backyard. birds mistake the pool for a bed of flowers and try to land in it. dad had to fish a poor drowned bird out of it the other day. basically we just take a net and run it along the pool’s surface around the outside and that clears it up a little bit. the vacuum and filters are always clogged after two or three days this time of year.

then we had pizza for dinner. i don’t like the restaurant mom gets the pizza from very much. they don’t seem to mix the toppings and sauce very well. at least domino’s gets the right sauce/cheese ratio and their crust doesn’t take up half the slice. even little caesars is like, the taste is bland enough that you just kinda taste the dipping sauce.

while i was waiting for dinner i did some research on the effects of aging on dogs, and symptoms to look for that aren’t just age. i’m gonna try moving to hand commands with eve over the next few weeks and see if she picks it up while she can still hear. did you know that macaws can live like 80 years? even pigeons can hit 15 when kept as pets. urban pigeons only usually make it to 3 or 4, which is really sad and also a sign that they are probably more suited to life as pets. maybe if i figure out how to keep birds i will take in some pigeons.

hmm. tomorrow i am going to gramma’s house to prepare for the easter gathering on sunday. it mostly involves painting eggs and maybe baking a cake. according to gramma i am PRETTY GOOD at making cakes! i, at least, always like what i bake with gramma. baking and cooking are actually fun when you’re with a partner. when i’m doing it by myself i just kind of stand there and wait.

i did draw a picture today! i drew my character fern heckling asher’s character kai. it wasn’t anything complicated, really just head and shoulders, and i didn’t finish the line work or ink it, but asher liked it. and... it felt good. and i think i somehow got better without practicing. 

like, this drawing wasn’t better than my previous art by a long shot, but something about it... if i draw more, i could refine it i think, in a way i couldn’t before. and i did hang on to one of the fan character “candidates.” and there was one other person i kinda looked at but wasn’t sure about because she already knows who i am haha. 

god i’m so shy. it’s hard to, like, be friendly and supportive to random people when you see their profiles like “I HATE GROWNUPS” and like, i’m a grownup now??? when did that happen? 

i’m also shy about people on tumblr. i haven’t followed anyone new in a long time because i’m afraid they’ll look at my posts... but i still check their pages. i am aware this would be a lot easier for me if i just followed them. i mean, i see most of their posts anyway. i feel more comfortable following other people who, like, write about their depression and stuff. even though my tumblr is about 70% not depression blogging and more “whatever i saw that i liked or thought was interesting and wanted my friends to see.” 

am i the only one that finds it extremely difficult to interact with teenagers? even just to be friendly and supportive, because i know how difficult being a teenager was? i don’t even talk to my usual internet friend group any more because they brought in a new teenager and she shuts down the conversation when it isn’t about video games because she doesn’t want “the discourse.” it took two bad experiences and i’m already avoiding interacting with her... i don’t even talk to my brother about anything and i see him every day. 

today i had a veggie burger with a fruit cup. it made me extremely ill. it made driving home kind of hard and disorienting. then i had some pizza with sun dried tomatoes and spinach and pesto sauce. i almost actually threw up. i went in the bathroom and stared at the toilet and put my hand against the sink and sweated and tried to breathe for a few minutes. i only forgot my medication at lunch. of course... my parents didn’t end up getting dinner until two hours after i had taken my dinner dosage, so maybe i had waited too long between taking the meds and eating.

in the evening dad started taping down some paper to the tile in preparation for painting the walls. eve was terrified of the noise the tape made as dad unrolled it. wiley joined us and “helped” by putting the roll of floor paper in his mouth repeatedly and chewing on dad’s hands and feet and then licking the paint we dripped on the floor when we wrote some stuff next to my brother’s door. dad said it was non toxic so i’m not TOO worried, but the dog would eat rat poison if we didn’t stop him. we ended up putting him and eve in my room while dad taped down my side of the hallway, so i put on some dog music and wiley and eve were dozing within 15 minutes.

we wrote “goofy goober” next to my brother’s door with an arrow pointing into the room. i snap chatted a picture of it. then my brother came home and went in his room to look for the “prank.” i took a picture of him standing there with “goofy goober” pointing at him and sent that to asher. 

so i did some of the things i wanted today, but not all of them. that’s ok. i find it hard to do TWO of the things i want to do in a day, let alone three or four or five. which is the number of things i need to do. and i did three! i picked up my meds and went to lunch and drew for a few minutes.

[mechanintendomaster]

Unused Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever Ep 1

Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever

Epilogue 1 Unused.

Author note: A cut portion of Epilogue 1: The Missing Piece. I decided to just have Bond explain for the sake of brevity. Not much else to say. Enjoy!

…..

Doctor Professor Koopa spent his break time in his office filling out more prescriptions for Dr Mario’s new Mega Vitamin X, specifically designed to treat the new strand of Mushroom Flu. Since there were unaccounted for cans of FungusUp still around, such precautions were what he and most of the other medical staff occupied themselves with. Of course doing such a thing had a very special meaning to him. He had been in his MK Hospital East office for five days now, no question asked. That was fine, he’d ask no questions either..

His attention was suddenly brought to a dark silhouette of someone lingering outside the translucent door window. A second later, they knocked and door creaked open to reveal Nass T. She gently closed it behind her and clutched the manila files close to her body.

Doctor Professor slid back from the desk. “Yes, dear?”

“How are you holding up?” she asked quietly.

“Fine… How is your daughter? After...you know...” What a bad conversation starter, he thought. He prepared for the enviable blowup. But instead, Nass sat the files off to the side and leaned on his desk towards him with a smirk.

“My daughter fine, and we decided to put that all past us, remember? We're both free, and the Mushroom Kingdom is so drab sometimes.”

Doctor Professor slicked the few strings of gray hair on his head back with a wide grin. “If you say so dear. Wait. You’re thinking about...Leaving?...Together?”

“Well you know, there's a special word for that..” she purred.

His eyes lit up as he reached in his right pocket was a small black case containing something that was very valuable to him and would be even more to its receptionist. Having found the case, he cleared his throat. “Nass..You've been a wonderful woman to me. You've stuck by my side even in my darkest hours and-”

The phone rung.

“Hello?! Ah…” He motioned for Nass to get up. “Oh it can't wait? J-just a moment-!” He slammed receiver down.

“What-”

Immediately after, Bond and Kylie stepped in office to get a perfect view of the compromising situation. Kylie gasped. Her skin was crawling at the implications of what was happening. Bond was calm, amused even being a Frenchman. “Quel beau couple! But you know why we are here, do you not?”

Nass jolted up straight and flattened out her hiked up skirt while Doctor Professor continued to stare blankly like a petrified Whomp.

“We have nothing to tell you annoying reporters. That’s what you are right?!” Nass spat.

“Is that really so?” Bond asked conversationally. “It is such a shame how little we really know about the tragedy from a week ago. Is it not, darling?” He turned to Kylie.

“....H-huh? Oh sure, Bond…” she stammered.

“I'm calling security!” Nass said, grasping the desk phone, but another hand immediately covered hers.

“Don’t, dear. They have a point…”

Nass faced Doctor Professor sharply. “What do you mean?!”

He smiled weakly. “It's no good to leave secrets behind, like he said…”

“I agree, mes chers amis. I am Jelectro Bond, and this is Kylie Koopa by the way. Would not the wedding be ever more esteemed if there are no more secrets between you two? That is something to consider before eloping to Diamond City!”

Kylie could have snapped a photo of the look on Nass’s face, definitely one thing she enjoyed about a boyfriend like Bond. Mitch would also “shock” people with his powers occasionally and the reactions were equally hilarious though she wasn’t sure why she was she thinking of a sneak like him all of a sudden...

“Okay fine. I don't know how you journalists do it,” Doctor Professor muttered. “But my sad story goes that, well, I was abused by the system long ago and...The doors are shut tightly, right?” Once Kylie and Bond assured him, Doctor Professor explained the situation behind how he got involved in the Bowser conspiracy including the conversations he had with Bowser in the dungeon. The only part he couldn’t explain were the details on how the MKDCU were called.

“We thank you, but is that all?” Bond asked. Behind his thick sunglasses, his eyes were focused on Nass, who grew more agitated as Doctor Professor recounted his story.

“That's all, Mr. Bond,” Doctor Professor said.

“Cut to the case! Nass, what part do you have in this?!” Kylie piped up.

Nass pouted in defeat. “Okay fine!!! I needed that money but… I just couldn't do it! I thought of my daughter and the example I set. What kind of mother would I be to hurt so many innocent ones over a quick paycheck?” Her question made the room silent and Doctor Professor stared at her as though he’d been stabbed.

“…Dear, y-you called the MKDCU?!?” the doctor finally spoke.

She avoided his gaze. “I had to try to stop this without making it too obvious to our ‘employers’. We had to keep the sickness a secret, right? But if they got involved the news would have to come out. I'm sorry, baby!”

Doctor Professor shook his head. “What am I doing? How can I judge you when I dragged you down this path in the first place? To think I’d make myself an enemy of both Kingdoms!”

“Yoiks! Two traitors in Peach’s hospital? You don’t find that everyday!” Kylie butted in, unaffected by the melodrama. She glanced to her side however and saw that her boyfriend was wiping tears away from under his sunglasses!

“I understand mademoiselle, and we will not judge, in fact we thank you,” Bond said after sniffing a bit. “Calling the MKDCU started a train of events that brought Kylie and I, to this very issue. And of course the agents themselves, they made it interesting to say the least.”

“Uh, right. Now behave y'all selves, hear? Oh, and does Emery even know about y'all two running off?”

“She will, but that’s OUR business. Don't you have somewhere to be?” Nass replied. “We have uh, planning to do.”

Kylie was about to tell her off when Bond gently lead her out. They left with Nass still hopelessly red in the face and the koopa doctor giving them one last apologizing but demure glance.

Kylie and Bond departed after leaving the hospital. Bond had ‘duties to attend to’ and Kylie hated to admit that it was the same for her. Bond only had his superiors to reply to, being a spy, but Kylie was a reporter ‘for the people’: And there were quite of bit of people obligated to get this news... She briefly stopped back at the press to edit her notes into an outline, warned Dick that playing Crysis on office computers was a bad idea, and explain to Wiggs that twenty sheets of paper posted up on a cork board was way too many. There was a note from Sebastian of the Toadley Clinic to the trio saying that Parabilly Koopa, who only Dick and Wiggs were familiar with, might drop by town in a few days, but no one had heard from James Monty, the MKDCU leader. Kylie didn’t really know the full story involving all that, but she was happy the ‘friends’ would be reunited soon. Finally by evening time that day, she was on the bus to two very important locations.

[allisonprince]

things i would like to say when people talk to me

Person: Hey, Allison. How have you been?

Me: Please do not ask me if you do not care to hear the real answer. I'm absolutely terrible, by the way.

Person: Where are you, these days? I see your Instagram and I never know where you are!

Me: Generally, at home with my parents. I like to make my life appear to be more interesting than it is, as I often have no energy to do anything, and can't live alone because I can't take care of myself. I'd like to live somewhere else, but I am too afraid, and probably can't, anyway, because I am too sick. Not like I can be all that far from my doctors, just in case. You never know when I might completely collapse!

Person: What's new?

Me: Oh, not much. I've recently gotten into comic books because they require little money and little energy. (And it's uncommon that I have a lot of either, lol.) I'm really, really good at Mario Kart 8, Deluxe and original. I can finish Ocarina of Time in seven hours, but I think I could do it faster. My hair is falling out again, and every time I move, I can now see my veins, in addition to my ribs. So that's pretty cool. Almost everyone who hugs me tells me how small I am, which feels terrific. I love being reminded. It doesn't make me self-conscious at all.

Person: (looking at me like I am a wounded animal) How's your health?

Me: You don't really want to know the answer to that. You're just being polite. The truth will make you uncomfortable. You do not want to be uncomfortable. You just want to uphold social custom and ask me how I am and how I'm feeling, so I can tell you, "Good" and "Much better, thank you!"

Person: No, really. You can tell me.

Me: Okay, well, all I could eat this week was a cake I made. Really, that's all I've eaten. Just cake. I bet you think that sounds like fun. Last week, it was bananas and M&Ms. My medications are at their highest numbers ever, with ten prescriptions and ten over-the-counters. We still don't know what's wrong with me, and I'm going to be off my parents' insurance at the end of the year, so I'm basically fucked. I'm not any better. I'm not any worse. I'm just stuck in-between, being too sick for almost everything, but not so sick I can't do anything. I did a very easy hike the other day, which was extremely exciting. I ate almost half of my dinner when I ate out the other night, which was extremely exciting. I teach dance for an hour and a half on Mondays, which is extremely exciting. Sometimes I know why I am crying, for a change, which is extremely exciting.

Person: What are you doing for work? What are your plans?

Me: A pathetic-sounding job that is actually awesome for fifteen hours a week. I don't know how to plan for my future anymore. Everything hurts and I'm tired of being polite. I wish you would stop talking to me if you aren't going to be real. You're wasting my time.

Person: You look good. You look better than the last time I saw you.

Me: You humiliate me by saying this. You want to look like me. You want to be my height and this thin, and you have no idea how miserable it is. You have no idea what it costs. I can barely eat. When I can tell this statement is real, it makes me very happy. But mostly it isn't, and I want to take a baseball bat to a china cabinet.

Person: Is there anything I can do for you?

Me: I hate being asked this. Yes, there are a lot of things you can do for me, but you don't want me to say that. You could come help me with my laundry. That would be awesome. You could put new sheets on my bed. (That wears me out.) You could play with my hair and make it look pretty, which is something I'm generally too tired to do. You could sit and keep me company and not make me listen to your problems, while we do that. You don't have to listen to mine, either. But don't come over if you're going to complain about stupid things, which you assume I will understand, because I'm sad, and for some reason, you think my sadness entitles you to pour your sadness all around me until you're empty, and then you leave and I'm stuck with both of our problems. So, like, be good or be gone.

Person: We should go out sometime!

Me: That sounds horribly exhausting, and you're just going to ask me more questions like these. You will suggest we go out to eat. I will feel awkward telling you how difficult it is to find a restaurant that is my-diet-friendly. We will go out anyway, and I will order something that doesn't excite you, like plain white rice. You will be very uncomfortable, and badger me about my decision. Don't I want to have a salad, too? Well, what about soup? Do I want to try a bite of yours? Am I sure that's all I'm having? Yes, this is what I'm having. It's all I can eat here, and it sounds good, anyway. You will feel guilty, and suggest we should have gone somewhere else. I will nonchalantly attempt to explain that somewhere else wouldn't have been any easier. You won't believe me and apologize too much. Even if you stop apologizing, it will show up in your eyes as you look at everything I eat. You will try to remember what I can eat, next time we go out, if we do again, but you won't. If you're a boy and this is a date, everything is a thousand times worse. Maybe we should go see some live music? Not tonight, I'm so tired, and I can't afford it. Maybe I can come to your birthday party next weekend? Oh, to stand around at a bar where I'm not supposed to be having beer, which I really cultivated a taste for and miss drinking, and, really, not supposed to be drinking any alcohol at all, because of my meds, and being forced into similar conversations all evening until finally it's late and I can leave? No thanks.

Person: Well, I could make dinner. What can you eat?

Me: You won't like my answer. Just let me bring my own food and try not to be awkward about it. That'll be the easiest thing. You aren't a bad host.

Person: I'm having _______ problem in my life. You've suffered a lot. Help me out.

Me: How about no.

Person: I noticed that you did something seemingly questionable, and I have no hard evidence, and it's none of my business.

Me: You're probably wrong, but I don't owe you an explanation, either way. Even if you are right, cut me a break, you judgmental asshole.

Person: You are so strong. How do you do it? I couldn't do it.

Me: It's like you think I have a choice.