Feeling Yourself Disintegrate
I don’t have what I would consider a fear of needles. I’m covered in tattoos. I am perfectly willing to sit serenely in one place and be stabbed hundreds of times in a row – it’s an asset. I deal with the repetitive psychological pain of doing my job every day the same way (civil service, amiright?)
IV placement is another matter altogether. I seem to attract phlebotomists who forget how veins work. Something about me says, “Dig under my skin, poke, jab, hurt me.” After each failed venous expedition, I’m left shaking. It’s almost like being cold: shivering, gasping, teeth clenching.
I take Ketamine infusions due to Major Depressive Disorder (Google it: there's evidence it makes old, dim synapses light up and start "talking" to each other again). 12/30/22 was my second Ketamine “booster” (after an initial series of six as close together as possible for maximum benefit, I am now taking infusions longer and longer apart trying to maintain the drug’s therapeutic benefit without being as dependent on frequency.)
This infusion was another bad stick. Please, I beg the kind woman who runs the clinic when the Vein Abuser is out of the room, please don’t let her poke me again. Please? Kind Lady has never missed the target. Her deft hand sinks the needle in place every time. No, she assured me. She will do it next time.
I am wrapped in a blanket, shoes off, feet reclined, giant noise cancelling headphone, padded sleep mask I bought off Amazon. Usually, I bring lip balm as I have a weird habit of smacking my lips pretty vigorously when down my K-hole. Today, my only focus is a small baggy of nausea candies and alcohol prep swabs – I saw a video on Facebook suggesting the quick inhalation of alcohol during a spell of nausea will sometimes help alleviate the symptoms. As of treatment seven, the Ketamine suddenly started making me violently sick.
I hate being nauseous. I won’t even resort to being coy: if you want my secrets, you don’t even have to torture me. Just spin me around in an office chair for half an hour ‘til I’m sea sick. No more, coppa, I’ll talk, I’ll talk!
The only reason I was willing to submit to getting sick again is the fact that I truly believe the Ketamine is working. I’ve been a slave to my depression since I was ten years old. Even though the Ketamine’s benefit so far has just been a kind of Flowers for Algernon effect (improvement that quickly wears off), the brief, clear windows of hopeful feeling have been indescribably beautiful.
(The only reason I am going in to this kind of detail instead of just saying, “Ketamine, it’s a thing I do. And then this other stuff happened” is because I know there are people out there stumbling in the darkness that is depression who want to know what it’s like.)
I never did drugs. People laughed at Bill Clinton when he said he smoked pot, but “did not inhale.” I feel you, Bubba, I could never really get the hang of it either. I was high maybe twice in high school. I’ve done Delta 8 since people swear by CDB and all it’s offshoots for pain relief (I have crippling back pain from degenerative disk disease and spinal arthritis). So I have a vague idea what getting “high” is, but tripping? No clue. I might drink once or twice a year. For the most part, my mind is one of the few things I truly possess (if just barely), I’ve never liked the idea of using substances that could potentially make me a stranger to my own inner self. I hate Delta 8, HATE it. It affects my ability to form short term memories. I refer to it as “roofie-ing” myself.
Acid, magic mushrooms? I had no frame of reference.
And if you don’t either, here’s exactly what it’s like: living in album covers for an hour.
I actual fed the prompt “Describing the cover of ‘Unknown Pleasures’ to someone who has never seen it before” in to my WONDER AI generator and got some pretty close representations of what I saw.
I was instructed before my first transfusion to just get on Spotify and look for “curated ketamine playlist” to listen to during my trip. I found the equivalent of “oooohhmmmm” bells and hippy, navel contemplation stuff. Nothing I read mentioned anything about the vital nature of having good music with you on your journey.
My first trip was a bad needle situation (they learned to give me Clonidine beforehand to get me to calm down enough to submit my arm without hyperventilating. The first experience being a painful one conditioned me to fear all future experiences there unfortunately. Like I said, Kind Lady has been just right with the needle, but the other lady who works there… no… not so much). I didn’t switch to my Ohhhmmm playlist. I left it on my Salim Nourallah playlist. Initially, I was just trying to calm myself, but once the IV was started, the trip happened so fast I was already falling before I realized.
This has made all the difference.
I related this to Kind Lady later and she said there was no way to tell. She knows a very quiet, unassuming gent (I swear she said he was a doctor or some sort of medical professional) that takes gangster rap on his trips.
My cousin is a Physician’s Assistant. She said she had seen people come out of Ketamine situations in emergency rooms (used to set bones and such) where people who were unprepared would flip out (have a bad trip.)
I, personally, have only had pleasant experiences (except for the recent bouts of nausea). You are responsible for setting the tone for your own experience. As someone whose depression has been a lifelong companion, my mind isn’t a bright or cheerful place per se, but I know myself. It’s been a relatively intuitive process. I don’t watch scary movies beforehand. I try to just be calm and collected. Stay peaceful. The limbic system doesn’t know the difference between watching/listening to emotionally fraught material or experiencing it so I try not to take chances.
Being accompanied in to my first trip by a familiar voice was so deeply comforting. Salim Nourallah is my favorite singer, but he also happens to be a dear friend and fantastic human being to boot.
Ketamine (again this is all purely subjective. Everyone’s experiences will be different) creates any level of dissociative experiences for the user. I don’t know if it’s just because I don’t have experience with “substances,” I but I disassociate… hard.
Complete dissolution of self. Out of body. Soaring. Flying. Falling. Colors.
Because music is so much part of my psychological make up, it’s sounds, colors and textures interpreted in musical context: album covers.
I have cried a lot. The feeling returns gradually to my fingers and toes, my eyes stop jittering in their sockets and reach up to feel my sleep mask is wet. The feeling/theme to all my trips has just been overwhelming gratitude. I feel so much love for those people I have in my life who continue to stand by me no matter how the darkness sometimes affects my mind.
Ketamine for me is half medical treatment, half vision quest. As I the chemicals wear off and I can feel myself again, I try to listen to anything I was told. Call it messages from the subconscious, whatever you want. I’ve come out wanting to reach out to certain people. I sent a message to someone else I knew of who has severe depression (a voice actor on a podcast I’ve listened to for years). He let me send him a care package of little, cheerful things. Another trip, I came out and message someone I used to think of as a friend who hadn’t spoken to me in 12+ years. I cast the missive out in to the digital sea not expecting anything back… but he responded.
I curated a special playlist of songs I wanted to “disintegrate to” and have emerged and tweaked it each trip. No song has tilted the trip to the negative, but I have taken one band off (who shall remain nameless) as – under the influence – the singer acquired super human powers of grating annoyance.
I am allowing myself Flaming Lips songs even though I have been estranged from my fandom in their regard for over a decade now. But you have to admit: for tripping, they are kind of perfect.
I return to Salim though. His voice is consistently silvery blue. “Miette” became so achingly beautiful I could barely stand it. There are not words to describe how meaningful it is it have the voice of a friend accompanying me in the darkness.
My playlist:
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Noise Reduction Treatment in Drilling Rig Diesel Engine Room
The power system of oil drilling rigs mainly comes from diesel engines. The power of diesel engines is relatively large, generally around 800KW. A set of 5000M drilling rig generally requires 3 diesel engines and a set of 7000M drilling rig generally requires 4 diesel engines. Diesel engines will produce noise when they are working, especially diesel engines used in drilling rigs. Due to their high power and mutual influence, the noise is particularly prominent. The sound of a diesel engine can be heard even in the wild and at great distances.
1. Analysis of noise sources of diesel generator sets
1.1 Aerodynamic noise
During the operation of the diesel unit, the disturbance to the air causes a sound source between the air and the diesel unit to form noise. This kind of noise directly radiates to the outside, specifically including: the noise of the exhaust system, the noise of the air intake system, and the rotation noise of the diesel engine cooling fan.
(1) Exhaust system noise. The most direct noise source of diesel generator sets is the noise generated by the exhaust system. This noise is relatively high in intensity and is about 10~15dB (A) higher than normal engine noise. During the operation of the generator set, high-temperature and high-pressure exhaust gas must be continuously discharged. According to the operating status of the generator set, the exhaust system has two stages of exhaust, namely free exhaust of the generator set and forced exhaust of the generator set. When the exhaust gas from the generator set is discharged from the exhaust valve, it will flow from the exhaust pipe to the muffler, and finally be discharged into the air through the rear exhaust pipe. During the entire exhaust process, a large amount of exhaust noise will be generated, which is also the main source of noise from diesel generator sets. The noise generated during the exhaust process was analyzed and it was found that the composition of the noise source was relatively complex. There are noises caused by the frequency of exhaust operations in the exhaust system per unit time, noise caused by the resonance of exhaust gases in the exhaust pipe, and blowing noise caused by the airflow ejected from the exhaust pipe. The main factors that can affect the noise of the exhaust system of the generator set are: the internal pressure of the engine cylinder, the pipe diameter of the exhaust system, the rated exhaust volume of the generator set, the operating speed and workload of the generator set, etc. Increasing the working load of the generator set or increasing the engine speed will increase the gas flow, resulting in an increase in exhaust noise.
(2) Noise from the air intake system. The noise generated by the air intake system is one of the main noises of the diesel generator set. The main reason for the formation is that the air inlet is continuously opened and closed according to the air intake demand of the generator set, which causes the pressure of the air intake system to continuously change and cause noise. When the intake system is working, a certain pressure pulse is formed in the intake pipe, causing the intake system to produce periodic noise. The audio frequency range of this noise is generally around 200Hz. At the same time, when the air flow enters the inside of the system, it will flow through the air intake pipe, causing the air to be kicked out of the body. This situation will cause high-frequency noise in the engine air intake system. Usually the air flow in the intake pipe is constantly changing, so the frequency band of this noise is also relatively fixed, generally concentrated around 1000Hz. When the noise frequency of the intake cycle and the air column in the intake system reaches consistency, airflow resonance will occur, causing the noise of the intake system to increase. The noise generated by different superchargers in different generator sets is also different. The noise intensity of a turbocharged generator set is obviously different compared to a non-turbocharged generator set. This is due to the relatively high speed of the turbocharged generator set, which causes the engine's air intake system to produce relatively strong airflow due to air cutting, resulting in higher-frequency noise. The frequency distribution range of this noise is generally between 500 and 10000Hz.
1.2 Surface radiated noise
Strictly speaking, it is difficult to distinguish the surface radiation noise of diesel generator sets. Combustion noise is generally caused by the pressure vibration generated by diesel combustion inside the cylinder acting on the mechanical components of the overall cylinder, thereby radiating a certain amount of noise to the outside. During the operation of the generator set, various mechanical components will continue to collide mechanically, thus generating mechanical noise. Usually, when the generator set speed is low, the combustion noise generated is higher than the mechanical noise.
2. Specific construction measures for noise reduction in diesel generator rooms
Use high-efficiency shock-absorbing rubber pads to isolate the unit. This part of the technology is now very mature. After isolation treatment, the vibration on the surface of the unit is effectively isolated.
(2) Perform noise reduction processing on the propagation channel, and install soft damping connections on the exhaust pipe of the generator set to reduce the external radiation of the sound source. According to the principle of muffling, the muffler structure can use a resistive muffler. It uses porous sound-absorbing material - melamine foam, which is arranged in a certain way in the pipe. When the airflow passes through the resistive muffler, the sound waves cause vibrations in the air and small fibers in the pores of the melamine foam. Due to friction and viscous resistance, sound energy is converted into heat energy and absorbed, thus playing a silencing effect.
(3) Each wall of the room is made of multiple layers of noise-reducing materials, including rock wool, sound-absorbing mesh cloth and sound-absorbing mesh board. Adding a sound-absorbing wall to the wall of the generator room inside the machine room can not only reduce the reverberation sound in the machine room while improving the sound insulation effect, but also attenuate the direct transmission of strong noise when it is running to the top.
(4) When designing the air inlet and outlet, the minimum air inlet and outlet volume standards required for normal operation of the unit are fully considered. At the same time, in order to solve the heat dissipation problem in the machine room, the air inlet and the exhaust outlet of the generator set should be set on the same straight line. In addition, the air intake and exhaust openings should be equipped with resistive sheet sound absorbing grilles.
3.Conclusion
The noise from the diesel generator set of oil drilling rigs is the largest noise source at the entire drilling rig site. It has a great impact on environmental protection and does not meet the requirements of the safety and environmental management system (HSE), so it needs to be prevented. This article conducts research on the noise generated by diesel generator sets, and provides specific construction measures for noise reduction in the generator set room, which can provide reference for relevant personnel.
SINOYQX’s oil and gas generator set noise reduction solution
1) Medium and high frequency sound-absorbing module, sound-absorbing melamine foam board
2) Full-range sound-absorbing module, pyramid sound-absorbing melamine foam board
3) Sound absorption and shock absorption module, EPDM composite melamine board
4) Fully customized modules according to noise source
For more information about SINOYQX Melamine Foam, please reach us at
[email protected] or voice to us: +86-28-8411-1861.
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kiss it better | oscar piastri social media au
pairing: oscar piastri x first responder!reader
when oscar crashes into the barrier at monza, he thinks he sees his guardian angel, in reality he's just got a concussion and that's a first responder, but it's the thought that counts.
f1
liked by arthurleclerc, liamlawson and 1,206,700 others
tagged: oscarpiastri
f1: woah. huge shunt for oscar piastri in turn three. the australian was pulled out of the car by first responders and is getting treatment. red flag for now.
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user1: omg like my breath was completely gone, i hope oscar is okay
user2: holy shit that's the worst crash i've ever seen i'm so glad they aren't replaying it
user3: i tuned in late and i knew as soon as they didn't replay it it had to be bad
user4: thank the lord for the first responders, they were so fast i hope oscar is good
user5: i'm gonna need netflix to take the backseat on this one i can't take the dramatic editing this is already stressful enough
user6: the grosjean crash was bad enough, i can't deal with it with oscar
user7: are there any updates yet?
user8: not yet.
user9: i'm sat in the grandstand right where this was and it was literally so scary, the first responders literally had to jump on the car
user10: so so lucky that they were stationed so close to where he crashed
oscarpiastri
liked by landonorris, yourusername and 1,309,761 others
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oscarpiastri: first of all i'd like to thank everyone for their support and well wishes, i really appreciate it. it's actually thanks to y/n and the rest of the first responders that i'm back on my feet as fast as i am. big thank you to y/n for sacrificing her ability to shower comfortably to help me out of the car and avoid the flames, i am eternally grateful and mama piastri would like you over for dinner to thank you.
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user9: i'm so so happy he's okay, that crash was so scary
landonorris: glad to hear you're okay mate !
oscarpiastri: you can't get rid of me that easily norris
landonorris: woah, no joking about dying when you've only been discharged for 24 hours
oscarpiastri: sorry, skipped over that one in my contract
danielricciardo: make sure you always read that mclaren contract carefully
user11: thank you y/n for your service
user12: for real she put her leg on the line for oscar she needs a raise
yourusername: it was my pleasure to do my job and help you out oscar. and i'll always take up an offer for a mum's dinner
oscarpiastri: she'll be very happy to hear that
yourusername: text me the details and i'll be there
user13: it's so crazy to me how f1 drivers just get up and walk out of crashes like that
user14: no for real how is the medic more injured than him 😭
logansargent: you are so lucky there were no cameras when you were on painkillers cause you were talking some shit
oscarpiastri: please don't remind me
logansargent: just because there weren't cameras in the room doesn't mean i didn't record you, i look forward to my birthday present this year
oscarpiastri: you wouldn't
logansargent: you wanna bet?
user15: so like how bad do we think what oscar said was?
user16: and how much do we need to pay logan to release it?
mclaren
liked by oscarpiastri, yourusername and 609,778 others
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mclaren: after her heroics in the first half of the season, y/n finally took oscar up and is a guest of mclaren this weekend. as a medic, y/n is one of the most important aspects of a race weekend, and it's an honour to host her!
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user17: did oscar write this caption? that man was BLUSHING in the fan questions video
user18: awwww mama piastri is also there this weekend and in a load of the pictures in the paddock they stuck together
oscarpiastri: so happy to see you again y/n !!
yourusername: my pleasure, oscar. racing is a lot more fun from the garage
oscarpiastri: i'll try my best not to crash this time, i know my favourite medic isn't on duty
yourusername: oh wow what a title, i'll wear it with pride
user19: they're such dorks i love them so much
landonorris: can someone get me some popcorn, i'm enjoying watching oscar squirm and blush all weekend
oscarpiastri: i am NOT !!
landonorris: don't worry i'm sure y/n finds it cute
oscarpiastri: can you please STOP !!
yourusername: not to prove lando right but it is very cute
user20: lando is taking his big brother role a bit too far
alexalbon: you were right @logansargent this is fun to watch
logansargent: oh just you wait until you find out the stuff he was saying in hospital
oscarpiastri: please stop telling people
alexalbon: from what i heard she was right there @yourusername what did he say logan is being a good friend (for now)
yourusername: considering i literally fried my leg getting him out i don't remember most of that day
alexalbon: UGH you people are no help
yourusername: ???
oscarpiastri: ???
yourusername
liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 2,560 others
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yourusername: no pulling this one out of a burning wreck this weekend 👍
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user21: omg oscar's smile ??? i am faint
landonorris: do i mean nothing to you?
yourusername: i am literally oscar's guest let me rep him in peace
landonorris: booooooo if you're going to wear his number might as well ask him out while you're at it
yourusername: mind your business, i know what i'm doing
user22: Y/N?????????
oscarpiastri: i see you know my angles already, can you come every weekend?
yourusername: i'd love to but i have a lil thing called a job :(
oscarpiastri: boring, can't you be my full time personal photographer?
landonorris: and his girlfriend?
oscarpiastri: do you mind?
landonorris: what? i'm just trying to help
oscarpiastri: you are MEDDLING
yourusername: you guys done?
oscarpiastri: yes
landonorris: NO
user23: lando is a no 1 y/n x oscar shipper he's so real
user24: y/n is so much stronger than me i'd hand in my notice right this second
yourusername: believe me i would if i could
landonorris: to both options?
oscarpiastri: LANDO STOP
yourusername
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yourusername: happy to be your guardian angel baby x
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user29: new f1 parents just entered the chat
landonorris: i'm taking responsibility for this happening, you’re welcome
yourusername: stop right there buddy, this was all ME
oscarpiastri: nuh uh it was ME
yourusername: i asked YOU out?
oscarpiastri: technically yes, but i asked you to dinner first
yourusername: actually, if i remember correctly that was your mum
oscarpiastri: FINE you asked me out and i'm very glad you did and you ARE my guardian angel and you ARE way out of my league
landonorris: you said it i didn't
oscarpiastri: LANDO LET ME FLIRT IN PEACE YOU NUISANCE
landonorris: woah, you've changed bro
yourusername: are we finished boys?
landonorris: yes, and for real i am very happy for you guys
user30: lando saying he made this happen is the most lando thing ever
logansargent: can you tell him to stop ignoring me now?
yourusername: soz under strict rules not to fraternize with a traitor
logansargent: I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T HANDLE SPICE
user31: at least logan is self-aware
oscarpiastri
liked by aussiegrit, yourusername and 702,443 others
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oscarpiastri: sometimes all you need to do is flip an f1 car into a barrier and burst into flames to meet the love of your life (and give her third degree burns)
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user32: OSCAR WITH A BACKWARDS CAP TEACHING HER TENNIS SOMEONE CALL 911 I AM NOT OKAY
landonorris: okay we get it now you guys are cute
yourusername: for someone who was 'the reason we got together' you've changed your tune
landonorris: yes i am glad you have each other but that doesn't change the fact that i am LONELY and don't need to see gross couple stuff
oscarpiastri: you poor baby
landonorris: NO SYMPATHY?
oscarpiastri: i'm gonna cite all of your tomfoolery in the other comment sections
landonorris: okay fair
user33: okay but can we promise to never have a crash like that again?
yourusername: agreed
aussiegrit: happy for you kid
oscarpiastri: thank you mark :)
yourusername: so this is mark... hi?
aussiegrit: don't worry i've heard nothing but wonderful things about you, i look forward to meeting you at the next race
user34: y/n already has all of the approval oh wow
yourusername: i love you dummy (never do that again or i'll never talk to you again)
oscarpiastri: you got it, wins only from now on 🫡
yourusername: ur the champion in my heart
oscarpiastri: 🧡 🧡 🧡
logansargaent
liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 304,788 others
tagged: yourusername, oscarpiastri
logansargeant: public shaming is good sometimes. though now i third wheel with only a fish by my side
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user35: i am SCREAMING
yourusername: oh florida boy, your time will come (don't put that fish pic on your tinder, i know you want to)
logansargeant: girls love fish?
yourusername: trust me they don't
logansargeant: is this just because oscar is bad at fishing?
yourusername: DELETE IT FROM YOUR TINDER PROFILE NOW OR THIRD WHEEL FOREVER
user36: what is going on here?
alexalbon: god logan this is tragic, how did you expose him and end up with a fish as your date
logansargeant: but is the size of the fish not impressive?
alexalbon: no, take y/n's advice
oscarpiastri: fine, you're forgiven. only because y/n found it cute, if she found it weird it would be you found at the bottom of a lake
logansargeant: ???????????? there was a chilli oscar
oscarpiastri: stop hiding behind your american passport, i'd eat that chilli for you
logansargeant: but it all worked out?
oscarpiastri: thankfully for you
yourusername: is it bad that this is kinda sexy?
logansargeant: he threatened to murder me?
yourusername: he's so protective 🫶
oscarpiastri: hehehehe thanks babe x
logansargeant: i give up.
note: WOAH two in one night? i am on a roll. anyhow, do enjoy, i love oscar so much so glad he extended !! xx
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