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tswaney17 · 6 months

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I Do Bad Things with You - Part 44

This part fought me at every corner, but I said screw it. Let's post and move on. 😅 It's crazy to think there are only 5 more parts left and an epilogue. The end of an era is arriving soon. I'm excited though, to have this one finished because I've got a lot of other goodies in the works right now. Stay tuned!

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault , language, NSFW

Word Count: 5,852

It had been a month since the car accident and their family found out about the pregnancy. The first week after the wreck had been rough, always worrying over whether she would eventually start bleeding as a late-term consequence of the crash. Azriel, her blessed husband, was doing everything in his power to keep her calm.

But she didn’t. Not a speck of blood.

Elain thanked every god for the safety of her babies knowing she wouldn’t have survived losing them.

She and Az hadn’t discussed any further on his retaliation tactics, hoping that he would drop the whole issue. Escalating right now when they were about halfway through her pregnancy didn’t seem like the best idea.

Elain did trust Azriel’s decisions, even if she didn’t necessarily agree with them.

A sigh escaped her lips and she rubbed her palm over her more prominent belly. She was beginning to round out now, rather than just looking like an oversized, carb-based pudge. Her scrubs were starting to get tight and it was only a matter of time before she had to invest in a larger size. At least in the top. The bottoms still had some stretch available.

“Doctor Archeron,” her boss called and she whirled around to face him. “We have an incoming pediatric patient who needs a surgical consult. Are you up to being my second?”

Pediatric surgeries didn’t come often, so when they did, he always made sure she had the opportunity to assist—especially since she was the Attending and would be taking these cases on with the team of residents here soon.

She was already moving to his side. “I’m in.” With her nausea and dizzy spells, Elain had to cut back on some of her surgical procedures, unable to give her best results to the patient. She was sure it was the combination of the stress and the constant standing that always had her head feeling woozy. So, she took what she could, and then made rounds for surgical consults in the pit. Having built a strong bond with the residents, they were always eager and willing to grab her a snack or craving when she needed it, even when she profusely told them they did not need to do so. But Elain had to admit, it was nice when they did, and she made sure to reward them with her knowledge and expertise when handling difficult cases.

They slid open the glass door where the young patient was held and she stopped in her tracks. The little boy couldn’t have been more than four years old, with dark hair that brushed over the tops of his ears, and golden-brown skin. His eyes flashed when they entered revealing a green and golden gaze.

Elain recognized his heritage immediately.

He was Illyrian. Like Azriel.

She also read the fear plastered on his face, in his movements as he cradled his broken arm to his chest. Large tears littered along his lower lash line; something inside of her cracked at that desperate look.

“Hello, Kaden,” Thesan said in a kind voice, lowering the iPad to his side and looking directly at the boy. “We’re going to help take care of that arm for you.” He took a step forward and Kaden flinched, crying out softly as the movement tugged on his injury.

Her boss stopped his approach; a level of uncertainty crept into his gaze as he glanced at her for assistance.

Elain cleared her throat, capturing the boy’s attention. She moved the rolling stool closer to his bedside and slowly sat down on it, making sure he watched her every move. “Hi, Kaden,” she spoke in a soft voice. “My name is Elain.” She shuffled slightly closer, relieved when he didn’t balk at her approach. In fact, it almost seemed like his eyes flicked down to her swollen stomach before returning to her face. “I see that your arm is hurt. Would you mind if I took a closer look?” Elain held out her hand, letting it lie on his bed palm up in a calm, welcoming gesture.

When he hesitated, she added, “You’re safe here, sweetheart. We won’t hurt you.” She wasn’t sure why she said it, but something in her gut told her that it wasn’t just strangers he was afraid of. It was people altogether. And that concerned her, more so than just from a physician’s standpoint.

Finally, he moved his arm over to her, those tears falling down his cheeks as he whimpered in pain.

“I know, baby. I know. You’re doing so well,” she cooed, gently examining the injury between her fingers. From the disfiguration, it was obvious that it was a transverse complete fracture, the radius and the ulna having stacked on top of each other, and somehow not penetrating through his skin.

Elain sat wondering how the hell this child had such a severe injury, and it was then she noticed the scar on his other arm from a different, extensive wound. She frowned, glancing up at Thesan through her lashes. “Without a proper x-ray, I can’t be definitive on how extensive the damage is, but I’m certain he’ll need this surgically repaired.

The other doctor crossed his arms.

Kaden flinched.

Her mouth parted. Because that wasn’t just a flinch of fear. It was a flinch of abuse. Elain had no doubt in her mind about his home life. A lump swelled in her throat at the thought of it, and she watched as Thesan slowly lowered his arms to appear less intimidating toward the young boy.

Without thinking, she reached up to trace the pads of her fingers across his temple, sweeping his hair back before brushing away the tears that still stained his cheeks. Elain released a breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding when he didn’t shy away from her touch. “I’m going to put your arm in a brace to hold it still until we can fix it, okay?”

He didn’t speak, didn’t even shake his head to indicate that he understood her, but he watched her, those green and gold-speckled eyes wary, but curious too.

She slid the stool back, reached into one of the drawers on the moveable cabinet, and grabbed what she needed. Getting him into the brace was a whole thing on its own. He cried and screamed as she tried to be as gentle as she could, and every sound he made felt like a knife in her chest. “I know, sweetie. I know. But this will help, I promise,” she murmured, trying to calm him.

His pain broke her heart. Shattered it into a million pieces. Because no child deserves to suffer like that.

Once she finally got him strapped in, Elain released his arm but didn’t step back. No, she couldn’t leave him in this state. Instead, she brushed more tears away with her thumb, cupping his cheek in comfort. It was completely out of line in that patient-doctor relationship, but frankly, she didn’t give a damn. Elain wouldn’t leave him like this—refused to. So, she gave him the gentleness of her touch, the security she knew he didn’t receive from his parents, wherever the fuck they might be.

“Elain,” Thesan said, catching her gaze. “Can we speak in the hall?”

She nodded, swiping her thumb over his cheek one last time. “We’ll be back, Kaden,” she murmured, resisting the urge to kiss the top of his head. Those damn hormones were really getting to her.

He slid the door shut behind them, turning to face her. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

She knew he didn’t mean her actions. “The severity of his fracture looks like it came from a large fall. Maybe down a staircase. Did you notice the scar on his other arm?”

“I did,” Thesan told her, eyes going hard. It wasn’t a look she saw on him often, but child abuse cases were always difficult. “It looked like something that required stitching but didn’t receive it. It’s too harsh to have been healed properly.”

She grunted in agreement. “I don’t think we’ll be able to get an x-ray from him. Not when he’s this terrified. I know he needs surgery without it, but maybe we can grab an x-ray after we put him under?” Her boss nodded his head in a way that said he was on the same wavelength as her. “Where are his parents? How did he get brought in here?”

“I’m about to go find out from Viviane. Hopefully she or one of the other nurses can give us more detail.”

“I’ll reach out to social services and see if I can get our social worker from child protective services down here quickly. I suspect child abuse and we’re going to need somebody to sign off on his surgery,” Elain said, already pulling her phone from the front of her scrubs.

He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “You did good in there, Elain. He wouldn’t have let me get near him, but you connected with him.” He paused, eyes flicking between hers. “It was that maternal instinct coming out. I could see it in how you handled him—comforted him. Excellent work.”

She couldn’t stop the blush from rising to her cheeks. “Thank you, Thesan.”

Gripping her once more, he strode away, heading for the nurses’ station to speak with them about their patient.

Elain glanced back over her shoulder at the child in the room behind her, his body curled up on his side as best as he could with his arm braced. His little hand fisted the sheets, eyes having drifted close. Her heart hammered in her chest. What else could he have been through that they didn’t know? Scrolling through the phone, she tapped on the name of their CPS contact.

It rang twice before she picked up. “Hey,” Elain said quietly. “I need you at the hospital. Now.”

A pause before she said. “Give me fifteen minutes,” and hung up.

She stared through that glass door, lips pulling down into a sad frown. Something drew her toward him, and Elain was determined to figure out why.

~~~

Elain was waiting for the CPS worker at the front of the nurses’ station. She and Thesan had a quick convo where he informed her of everything they knew about their patient, which turned out, wasn’t a whole lot. He had been sent over from the hospital in Illyria, not having a pediatric surgeon on hand to help him. Technically, she and Thesan also weren’t pediatric surgeons, but they’d been trained in those patients to be able to provide him the care he needed.

Her attention snagged on the tall woman walking into the building, her pace quick and determined.

Elain met her halfway. “Emerie,” she murmured, shaking her hand. “Thanks for coming so quickly.”

“You sounded urgent on the phone.”

They strode through the hospital to the elevators. “It is. My patient’s name is Kaden. He has a transverse complete fracture that requires surgery.”

Emerie flicked her thick, dark plait of hair over her shoulder. “Parents won’t sign off on it?”

“Parents aren’t here,” Elain said, pressing the button for floor three to take them to the pediatrics department. “His neighbor called it in when she got home from the grocery store. Told the EMTs that she heard his screams and just called for help.”

“How old is he?”

The doors slid open and they stepped out of the elevator. “Just over four.” She directed them toward his door. “There’s something else,” she started, looking over at the boy in question. “He won’t speak and seems very intimidated by people. Fearful of them. I suspect he’s a victim of child abuse. I was barely able to get the brace on him, so we haven’t attempted an x-ray yet.”

Emerie pursed her lips in contemplation. “What’s your plan?”

“We want to do the x-ray while he’s under. It’s obvious he will need his facture repaired surgically, but we won’t get a clear picture of the damage until we get him prepped.”

She nodded. “I can get on board with that after I try and talk with him of course.” Emerie looked in at the child lying on the bed. “You said he’s just over four?” she asked.

“Yes. His chart shows his birthday was a few months ago.”

Those dark eyes found hers. “He looks awfully small for a four-year-old.”

Elain’s heart ached in her chest. “Yes, we were thinking he appeared a bit malnourished.”

“Do me a favor. When you get him in for x-rays, get some of his body. I want to see if any previous injuries can sanction the abuse.”

Elain’s chin dipped in confirmation as she grabbed the handle of the door and slid it open. “Hello, Kaden,” she said, voice softening. “I’ve brought a friend who wants to talk with you.”

His head turned to look over at them, eyes going straight to Emerie. He shuffled on the bed, curling into himself.

She shared a glance with Elain before moving forward, cautiously. “Hello, Kaden. My name is Emerie. I’m here to help you.”

He blinked at her, not unfurling from his fetal-like position.

Emerie frowned, returning her attention to her. “Do you think he might be deaf?”

Elain’s brows shot into her hairline. She hadn’t thought that at all. “He seems like he can hear us, but let me see,” she said, turning to sign can you hear me at the little boy.

No response.

She shook her head. “I don’t think he’s deaf. Just mute.”

The social worker’s mouth turned down further. “I’ll sign off on the surgery. I can see the injury from here. Has anyone tried to contact his parents?”

“There’s a number for a father, but it’s been disconnected. I can give you his file to see if there’s anything you can pull from it.” Emerie gripped her arm in thanks, moving to sit down on the rolling stool that she sat upon earlier. “I’m going to call up to the OR to get a room prepped. A nurse will be in with the forms to sign in a bit.”

She gave Kaden a small smile, hoping it would bring one to his face, but he just stared at her, little hands fisting the bedsheets. Elain felt an undeniable pull toward the child. A deep-seated need to help him—care for him. She just needed to figure out how.

~~~

Four remodeled fractures.

Elain sat in the chair next to Kaden’s bed as she looked through the X-rays they took of him. She pulled out four, severe remodeled fractures—now five with the one they just repaired. How the fuck did a child of four have five fractures in his lifetime already?

Anger, unlike anything she’d ever experienced before burned inside of her like a volcano readying to erupt. It was obvious that this boy had experienced such tremendous pain and horrors in his young life. She couldn’t help but compare him to her husband, born into cruelty. Abused and neglected. Left to fend for himself.

It left a dangerous spot in her heart. One where she wasn’t sure if she could untangle him from.

The door slid open and Emerie popped in, her dark eyes glancing toward the sleeping child. “How’d it go?” she whispered. Getting him under had taken some work. The anesthesiologist ordered him to be held down so he could put the mask on his crying face when she entered.

“Do not hold him down,” Elain had growled, storming into the operating room after having scrubbed down. The surgical nurses seemed to back up at the look on her face. Even the two residents assigned to the surgery hesitated. She’d moved to his side, fingers stroking his soft cheek. “Hi, sweet boy,” she murmured, voice softening. “I’m going to fix your arm now, but you need to go to sleep first. You don’t want to be awake for this.” Her thumb made a gentle caress back and forth on his face. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

She made quick work wiping his tears away, humming under her breath a simple lullaby. Elain waited until he was calm, silver-lined eyes drying as his eyelids slowly lowered without her even using the gas on him. She knew he was likely exhausted, having gone hours without much sleep. The constant crying would’ve drained him too. So, only when he finally shut his eyes, did she take the mask from the anesthesiologist and place it over his face.

The door clicking shut behind Emerie pulled her from her memory. “Getting him under was rough, but I managed to get it done.” She held out the X-rays for her. “He’s had four other fractures that I found. Two hairline ones on his third and fourth ribs, one to his left femur, and one…” her words trailed off, unable to spit out the location of that last injury.

Emerie took a seat on the stool, facing her. “Where was the last one, Elain?”

She took a ragged breath. “On the back of his skull.”

“Any ideas on how he got it?”

Elain sat back in the chair she’d brought in. “Looks like he might’ve collided with something. Probably pushed backward and fell into a table or something similar.”

“They were set properly, though?”

She nodded. “Yes, the last one looks to be about a year old now. The others are about two.” Elain frowned. “The first four were cared for, but this time he was left alone to deal with it. What changed?” she wondered more to herself than anything, but it appeared the social worker had the answer.

Emerie handed her another file. “His mother died. It wasn’t in his medical report, but I had some people do a little digging and found the name of his birth parents. Lorenzo and Anastasia Salazar.” Her lips turned down in the corner. ��Reviewing everything you’ve given me and the reports I’ve pulled, I’d theorize the abuse came from the father and when he left, the mother took him to seek medical attention off books.”

“Off books?” Elain asked, brows furrowing.

“There’s nothing in his medical history about the abuse. No flags have ever been attached to his profile in the system. So, either they paid off whatever doctor they used, or they had somebody private doing at-home calls.”

Like Azriel’s personal medical team…She was careful to keep her face neutral, but Elain had a feeling that Lorenzo was a part of some gang, if not the Illyrian Mob itself. Sighing, she looked back at the sleeping boy, her heart racing in her chest.

“Should I be looking into other options for him aside from foster care?” Emerie asked carefully, eyes flicking down to her pregnant stomach and then back up.

Elain’s dark gaze met hers. “I don’t know,” she said earnestly.

The social worker seemed to understand. “Tell you what. I’ll prepare both options for you and then you can decide what you want to do after you talk to your husband.”

Something inside her chest unlocked at her words.

A groggy sigh caught their attention and they twisted to see Kaden’s eyes fluttering open. His small whimper had Elain moving, sitting on the edge of his bed to run her fingers through his dark hair.

“Hello, sweetheart,” she murmured.

He looked at her with large, hazel, and green eyes before curling into her side, cuddling close to her.

It took all of Elain’s willpower to not sob in elation that he felt comfortable with her now. How long had he gone without love or affection that he would cling to a near stranger who showed him any sort of warmth?

Emerie smiled, rising from her chair. “I’m going to go start handling some paperwork. Call me if you need anything in the meantime or if anything changes.”

She waved her off, resituating herself on his bed as she gave herself a few more seconds of snuggling this precious boy.

~~~~~

Azriel knew something was bothering Elain the moment she stepped through the elevator door. He could read it on her face, in the half-assed smile she shot him. In the way she picked at the food on her dinner plate.

It frustrated him that when he asked her about work, knowing something was wrong, she lied to his face and said it was fine. It wasn’t fine. Nothing about the way his wife was acting was fine. He just wished she would tell him what it was.

“You need to eat, El,” he tried, keeping his voice soft.

She pushed her plate back. “I’m not hungry.”

He tried not to get irritated—he knew Elain was carrying a lot on her plate with her job and the pregnancy. But he was done with her not being honest with him. Azriel sighed, setting his utensils down on his plate with a clank. “All right. I need you to tell me what’s going on.”

Her dark eyes glanced at him, before returning to stare at her meal. “It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit, Elain. I can tell something is wrong without you even having to say it. It’s written as clear as day on your face. I am your husband. You’re supposed to confide in me. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s the matter.”

Az expected her to relent. To sigh, eyes rolling to the sky and finally tell him everything. What he didn’t expect was for her to burst into tears.

Her face fell into the cradle of her palms as a heart-wrenching sob tore from her throat.

For a moment, he froze, blind-sighted by the sudden emotion. And then the panic swept in. He was out of his seat a second later, moving around the edge of the table to pull her chair back and kneeling in front of her seat. “Hey,” he murmured, rubbing his hands on her thighs. “I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He kissed her kneecap, squeezing her legs gently to show her he was there for her.

Elain sniffed, running the back of her hand under her nose. “You didn’t upset me.”

His brows furrowed in confusion. “Then what did, love?”

She let out a shaky breath, hands falling into her lap. He took one in his, gripping it tightly. “I had a patient today with a fractured arm that we had to surgically repair. He was only four, and was brought in alone—no father and the mother died last year.” Elain sniffed again. “I found four other remodeled fractures on him from over the last two years. One of them was on the back of his skull.”

Azriel had a feeling about where this was leading. “Abuse?” he asked, voice carefully soft.

Elain nodded. “It would appear so.” She wet her lips, finally meeting his gaze. “Az, he looks like you. He could be your son.”

His eyes widened, unsure of where she was going but he had a hunch.

“I picked out his Illyrian heritage easily enough, but his circumstances, the way he’s been brutalized…they all remind me of you. Of your past.”

He couldn’t argue with her. Just hearing about the pain that had been inflicted on him reminded Az of his childhood. In how his father and half-brothers tortured him. It took an effort to not glance down at his scarred hands, a physical reminder of the trauma he’d endured. “What’s going to happen to him?”

“I’ve been in touch with Child Protective Services and he will likely go into the foster care system. But, looking at what’s been done to him, in the fact that he refuses to talk, and is terrified of adults, I’m concerned he won’t even be considered for adoption…” She let the words hang there, hoping he’d pick up on the unspoken ones she hadn’t yet said out loud but was hinting toward.

Az cocked his head to the side. “You want to adopt him.” It wasn’t a question—it didn’t need to be one. He could see Elain’s every desire as if it were written on her forehead. She had fallen in love with that child.

She dipped her head in confirmation, lower lip trapped between her teeth.

He squeezed her fingers again, thinking over his next few questions. “Love, I need to ask you something, and I want you to promise me you won’t get upset with me for it. Because I think this question needs to be asked.”

Her tongue darted along her lip, but she nodded for him to continue.

“Could the desire to adopt him have anything to do with your pregnancy? I know you have a lot of hormones running through you right now, and your maternal side is going to be very potent. This isn’t just because of that, right? You truly want him?”

Elain was already shaking her head. “No, it’s not that. He was brought to me for a reason, Az. I can feel it in my gut.” Her small hand cradled her stomach in emphasis.

He kissed her knuckles. “And it’s not because he reminds you of me?” He needed to hear her say it. That she wasn’t trying to save this child because of the similarities, but because she truly wanted to take on another kid.

“I’ve never been one for higher powers, but there’s something about Kaden that has completely unraveled me. He fears people but he trusts me. I know, deep in my heart, he was brought to my hospital because I could give him the life he deserves. That we could offer him something better and love him so fully, he’ll never remember a time where he suffered.” Elain wiped the tear from under her lashes. “He is supposed to be our son, Az. I just know it down to my bones.”

It was a lot to consider. She was halfway through her pregnancy with twins and adopting a third child right now would be insane. But he knew they could do it—that they had the means and the love to give to three children. People might call them mad, but looking at her, he had never seen such determination in her eyes and he could feel it buzzing under his skin. “All right,” he said, squeezing her hand again. “I’ll come to the hospital tomorrow afternoon to meet him.”

Elain’s brown eyes brightened like rays of sunshine. “Really? You mean that?”

“If he’s important to you, then he’s important to me, love. That’s the only thing that matters.” And he meant it too. Azriel would lay the stars at her feet if she asked for them.

More tears ran down her cheeks as she slid off her chair and threw her arms around his neck. He held her close, one hand cupping the back of her head, fingers threading through her hair, and the other running lines up and down her spine.

“Thank you, Az,” she cried, dampening the skin of his throat.

He hushed her sobs, pulling back to hold her cheeks in his palms. “I love you, Elain. All of you. And I would give you anything your heart desires.” His words had her crying in earnest, enough so that it took him a while to calm her down.

Thoroughly exhausted, Azriel carried his pregnant wife up the stairs and put her to bed; a hum of excitement stirring in his chest at what was to come.

~~~

Azriel pulled into a parking spot outside of the hospital at exactly three o’clock. His heart was racing in his chest like he’d just run a marathon, his gut swirling with anxiety. Elain had told him that the boy—Kaden, he reminded himself—was fearful of adults. In particular, males.

What if he didn’t like him? If he was scared of him? The questions had been daunting him all day and if he was being honest with himself, he was worried. He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to form a connection with this child. That he’d only bond with Elain and would resent Az’s presence.

It was fucking irrational, he knew that. But still, the thoughts invaded his mind and refused to let go.

He pulled out his phone and checked the messages from Elain.

Third floor, children’s ICU.

He’s been exceptionally clingy to me today.

Az smiled down at his phone at the second message, picturing the little boy snuggled into his wife’s side when she visited him. Which, was every chance she got.

Taking a deep breath, he climbed out of the vehicle and headed to the front entrance.

The Moonbeam twins had taken up residence in the lobby and spotted him immediately, rising from their seats to greet him.

“Mr. Knight,” Fenrys spoke. “Is everything all right?” he asked, looking over his shoulder into the emergency room concerned.

“Everything is fine. I’m just meeting Elain for an appointment.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. They had decided to forgo telling anyone about the potential adoption until much further into the process, not wanting anyone to try and talk them out of it.

“Of course,” Connall said, stepping aside. “We won’t keep you waiting.”

He offered them a quirk of his lips before heading for the elevator, but he stopped on his way, spying the hospital gift shop. In particular, the stuffed teddy bear in the window. With a glance over his shoulders to make sure nobody had spotted him, he turned into the shop and plucked the bear out of the window display, taking it to the cashier.

A few minutes later, he was riding up to floor three, the soft, plush toy in his grip. Az tugged on the knot of his tie, loosening it around his neck. His hazel eyes spotted Elain across the floor, sitting on the edge of a bed. Her mouth was moving, but she was behind a closed door so he couldn’t hear what she was saying.

Like a moth to a flame, he moved toward her, his heart hammering in his chest as he approached the glass slider and knocked.

Elain’s head snapped up, the most radiant smile pulling on her lips as she beckoned him in with a wave of her hand. Fuck, she was so gorgeous. Even made more radiant by the pregnancy as she entered into the second-trimester glow.

Azriel slid the door open, catching the end of her sentence.

“—someone I’d like for you to meet.”

Her fingers threaded through a dark mop of hair, and he finally let his eyes roam over the small child clinging to her waist.

“Kaden, this is my husband, Azriel. Azriel,” she said, gaze flicking to his with a soft smile. “This is Kaden.”

He looked at the young boy, meeting his stare and offering him a calming smile. “Hello, Kaden. It’s nice to meet you.”

Not a sound. Nothing from him other than turning to bury his face further into Elain’s side.

His heart broke, but Azriel was nothing if not determined, placing the teddy bear on the bed against the railing.

Elain grinned at him, thumb rubbing over Kaden’s cheek. “Did you see what Azriel brought you?” she murmured.

A green eye, flecked with gold peeked out from Elain’s waist, glancing at the plush toy but he didn’t reach for it.

Az sat down on the rolling stool, sliding over to the opposite side of the bed as his wife.

“We were just reading a story,” she announced, handing him the book. “How about Azriel finishes for me?” she murmured, brushing Kaden’s dark hair away from his face. “How does that sound?”

He thumbed open the book, going to the page she indicated they left off on. Clearing his throat, he began to read, using the inflections of his voice to aid him in his efforts to make it engaging. Kaden didn’t move away from his wife the entire time he spoke, but he did eventually turn his head to watch him.

Azriel took in the child in his peripheral, seeing the resemblance of himself. He could see why she had claimed he could’ve been his son. Bearing nearly his identical coloring and many similar markers of his Illyrian heritage, Kaden could easily be mistaken as his biological child.

And yet, it was obvious that Kaden was terrified of him.

He sat there for an hour, reading with him, trying to converse with him, and nothing. Azriel felt like a failure. Rising from his seat, he bid the boy farewell, shooting his wife a sad smile.

“I’ll walk you out,” she told them, ruffling Kaden’s hair before following him out of the room.

“He hates me,” he groaned, stopping in his tracks and scrubbing the heels of his palms over his eyes.

Elain moved to stand in front of him. “He does not hate you, Azriel. He’s just intimidated by you—”

“How is that better?”

She ran a hand up his bicep to grip him around the back of his neck. “You can make yourself less intimidating, Az. You in a suit is a force to be reckoned with, and frankly, I have a feeling his father wore similar attire.”

His brows furrowed. “What makes you say that?”

Her thumb traced over his jaw. “The woman who found him refused to give the paramedics her name. They said she looked terrified to even be talking to them. He’s Illyrian, Az…” her voice trailed off, leading him to the answer.

“You think his father is in the Illyrian Mob.” Not a question but a statement of fact.

“Lorenzo Salazar,” Elain confirmed.

The name didn’t immediately register anything in his brain, but he had something to go off of now. Azriel would look into him, find every single detail about the man’s life, and then decide if he deserved to die for the pain and suffering he put his son through.

“Come back tomorrow in jeans and a plain shirt and I’m sure it will help,” Elain told him, bringing his attention back to her face. Her eyes glanced over his shoulder to the boy in the room, a smile tugging on her lips. “Az,” she whispered, nodding toward the room behind them.

Something warm flared in his chest as he turned, and saw Kaden clutching the teddy bear he brought tightly to his body.

Elain stepped up to his side. “If he was afraid of you, Azriel, he would not be touching that toy. You connected with him, even if you can’t physically see it, but you did.”

A sense of awe washed over him, followed by an overwhelming urge to love and protect that boy. He wasn’t sure how long they stood staring at his sleeping form until he breathed, “I want him, El…I want him to be a part of our family.”

Her soft hand slipped into his, fingers lacing. “So, let’s bring him home.”

With joy and love, they stood watching the boy who would one day soon become their son.

~~~~~

Remember, sharing is caring! Please reblog if you liked the fic. It helps spread my work and I truly appreciate it. 💕

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honeysunai · 9 months

Text

— 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

here is the masterlist of my reader-insert imagines, sorted by fandom, character, and dated to keep it chronological !

( last updated may. 23rd, 2024 )

— 𝐀 𝐍 𝐈 𝐌 𝐄

Keishin Ukai (Haikyuu) :

✧ Sick games ; Practice makes perfect ; The Aftermath ; The night before — (Hiatus) (Febuary 2022)

The new employee of the Yue store across the street from the Sakanoshita market is also the new Assistant coach of Nekoma’s Volleyball team and the nemesis of Karasuno’s coach.

Kyoya Ootori (Ouran High School Host Club) :

✧ Starting today, you’re a host! ; Attack of lady manager! ; The dinner date ; We lost Honey! ; Sun and thunder ; The Perfect Boyfriend List ; Operation : Make her happy ; Test of courage ; Under the Mistletoe

✧ tag list hostess

As only heir to your family you are bound to an arranged marriage with the third son of the powerful house Ootori. His cold behavior is only a mask for you to uncover when you stumble into music room number three.

Nishinoya Yu (Haikyuu) :

✧ Bad Idea — (Febuary 2022)

Your first late night date with your classmate Yū Nishinoya was going so good until you both saw red and blue light shine through the gates of the park you were at.

Suguru Geto (Jujutsu Kaisen) :

✧ My salvation — (March 2023)

When you first stepped into the Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College as a teenager, you first fell head over heels over Suguru Geto. As the years went on, he chose a path of evil and violence that you couldn’t follow him to which led you to a heartbreak. Years later, you became a teacher at that same school and you weren’t expecting to ever see him again and you didn’t think an old flame could spark again even in the midst of war.

— 𝐃 𝐑 𝐀 𝐆 𝐎 𝐍 𝐀 𝐆 𝐄

Cullen Rutherford

✧ Missing you — (January 2024)

During the two years after Corypheus' defeat, Lavellan had to leave for months on end to seek her allies to keep the Inquisition afloat. Amidst the diplomatic endeavors, a letter from Cullen finds its way to her.

— 𝐁 𝐀 𝐋 𝐃 𝐔 𝐑 ' 𝐒 𝐆 𝐀 𝐓 𝐄

Gale Dekarios

✧ Better Tomorrow — (January 2024)

During his travels to find a cure for the illithid parasites, Gale encountered an old flame in Baldur's Gate.

— 𝐀 𝐂 𝐎 𝐓 𝐀 𝐑

Lucien Vanserra

✧ Making things right — (May 2024)

You are Lucien's mate and neither of you are happy about it. So during one night you finally decide to see eye to eye.

Cassian

✧ Lost Lovers — (July 2024)

For months you tried to stop the bloodshed you High Lord wanted so much and you dreaded the day you would be forced to march into battle to meet your lover, but it was inevitable.

#honeysunai masterlist #masterlist #anime masterlist #ohshc kyoya #ohshc #jjk x reader #haikyuu #dragon age inquisition #dragon age cullen #acotar #acotar series

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goddess-in-heaven-and-hell · 1 year

Text

Sharing Is Caring - Gwynriel One Shot

Thread: What happenes when a bunch of warriors get bored on a mission? With a game of Truth or Dare, both Gwyn and Azriel reveal more than they wanted. But truth is the best base for a strong relationship.

Warnings: cursewords

Word count: 4.7k

Wet. Cold. Miserable.

Azriel had pondered over the right wording for a while. Two hours, to be exact, while he and his group of spies and warriors fought their way through the colorful wilderness of Autumn court. But when he nearly slipped off a stone for the third time, he finalized the conclusion that would end up written on his report to Rhys. Wet. Cold. Miserable. And no progress to show for.

Three days and two nights they had spent on the border of Autumn and Winter court now and the spirits were getting low, despite the beautiful scenery of the woods.

“Do you think we’ll be able to find a place to stay soon?”, Emeries breathy voice travelled through the otherwise quiet evening. Gwyn, who was flanking her, just turned her pink-cheeked face towards Azriel, the hope for rest visible in her eyes as well. To give them both credit though, they haven’t been complaining much at all, unlike Bron and Orion. Both more seasoned spies trained by Azriel himself have been puffing and moaning constantly, much to his dismay.

A gust of wind saved him from having to give his partners a non-certain answer. Cassian landed through a broad space between the lines of trees, a grin plastered on his face that promised mischief. “Good news and bad new folks, what do you want first.”

Nesta let out a groan. “If you say you have found a clearing, but we need to cross a river and a mountain to get there, then I’d rather try to be a fish for the night.”

“No need for that.”, Cassian spoke with his usual loud and clear voice, but exhaustion was visible in the hollow and darkness around his eyes, “I reckon we only need ten minutes to get to the clearing, give or take. What is less than ideal is the fire we will have to build, because the space is freezing like the worst Illyrian winter.” Cass shot Azriel a look, who just nodded his head in confirmation.

They had avoided the fire for the last two nights, too fearful of being spied by autumn soldiers. With another day between them and the court though, Azriel was confident in their safety.

The promise of rest and heat spurred the group on to new and never known levels of athleticism. In no time they reached the clearing, organized and ate some of their food supplies, and built their tents. As the first flick of a flame came to life in the middle of the circle of tents, the team spirit did as well. At least for some of them.

Bron was opening his flask of whiskey, already sitting comfortably on the ground, when he declared: “I have a brilliant idea.”

Azriel had to stop himself from making a face.

“Let’s all play truth or dare!”

And now he had to stop himself from groaning.

“Brilliant indeed, I like the way you think, goldielocks.” That was Cassian, of course, because who else would support an idea like that except someone who was an actual child at heart.

Nesta and Emerie shared a glance, shrugged, and then too took their seats outside the tents around the fire, apparently ready to play.

Azriel was just about to open his mouth to excuse himself swiftly from the situation, when in his periphery, a flash of red and blue made him think twice. As Gwyn sat down in the entrance of her tent, next to Azriel, he was reminded that anyplace that had Gwyn couldn’t be so bad.

Up until he caught her eyes. And saw the plea in them. And the uncertainty. And then he physically couldn’t leave her anymore. Removing his hand from the ground where he wanted to push himself off, he placed it back on his lap instead. Gwyn flashed him a quick and small smile in return, knowing exactly what he had been about to do. Of course she did. After the year they spent training with each other nearly every night, she probably knew him better than most people in his life.

And he could sense why she was nervous. The two reasons with equally as many braincells shared between them smirked while sharing their flask of whiskey, completely oblivious to the anxious energy radiation off Gwyn in waves. If Azriel were confident in her affection to him, he might have hugged her to his side, or at least shielded her with part of his body. But he wasn’t. And he also wasn’t about to embarrass her in front of two strangers.

“Okay, let’s get this party started.”, if Azriel heard correctly, Bron already slurred his letters a little, “Cassian first: truth or dare, general?”

Cassian let an easy smirk bloom all over his face before he said, “Truth.”

Orion looked like it was the Winter Solstice and his birthday all in one. “When was the first time you crapped your pants in battle?” How he could ask a question like that with a nearly fanatic gleam in his eyes was beyond Azriel. He still glanced at his brother, waiting for his reply.

“What makes you assume I’ve ever crapped my pants? More than once, too?”, Cassian bristled. Nesta’s answering cough sounded suspiciously close to ‘Bryaxis’.

The warriors around the campfire burst out into laughter, drowning out Cassian’s colorful protests.

Even Azriel couldn’t help his smile. He remembered at least three occasions in their younger years when Cassian had swiftly excused himself before a battle, red creeping into his cheeks and a walk that told him everything he needed to know about the matter. But he was no snitch, especially not in front of Cassian’s mate.

While the group was busy joking and drinking, Azriel felt the presence of Gwyn lean into him a little more than normal, her arms pressed into his side. “I bet he’s hiding something, and I bet you know what it is.”, her whispered voice did things to him that he didn’t want to admit either. So he just leaned into her as well, bowing his head slightly to better reach her ear. “I’m known to know a lot of things.”

When he met her eye, she was already glowering at him, eyes turned into slits. “I know you’re known to know things, Mr. Vague. And I want to be let in on said knowledge.”

Azriel didn’t even feel the lazy grin coming over his face. It was a normal occurrence when talking to Gwyn at this point. “Do you think I give away priceless information just like that? Offer something in return, then I might think about it.”

If it was possible, Gwyn’s eyes narrowed even more, before she turned pensive. After a heartbeat or two, she offered: “I had my first kiss when I was 17.”

“I already know that.”, he shot back immediately. The little emotion called jealousy that snuck up on him at the thought of Gwyn kissing someone was nothing new to him either.

“Once, I burned my right bum-cheek trying to extinguish a fire.”, she tried again.

Azriel let out a near-silent laughter, even though his heart squeezed together in sympathy for the burn. “How did that happen?”

Gwyn sat up straight, eyes going back to the flickering fire. “I panicked, didn’t have a blanket or water around. So I just sat on the little flame. It worked, too.”, she finished, shrugging and a little pink-cheeked.

Azriel was at the point of biting his lip to keep himself from laughing out loud and attract everyone’s attention. “That sounds… like an interesting tactic.”

“Mh-hm.”, Gwyn smiled at him, the color of the bonfire lighting up her face beautifully, “so, I traded you a secret. Your turn, Shadowsinger.”

Azriel lifted both his eyebrows. “I said I’d think about giving you my secret once you told me one of yours. And I’m thinking … no.”

Just as Gwyn’s jaw fell open at his audacity, Orion’s annoyance of a voice travelled over to their spot. “What are you two snickering about? Mind sharing with the class?”

He had this expression on his face that promised trouble. And that seemed to wait for a punch.

“Nothing. Get on with your game.”, Azriel shot back immediately, saving Gwyn from having to answer him. He probably put a little too much bite into his voice, because Orion’s face paled just a fraction.

“Gladly”, he recovered quickly, “Shadowsinger: truth or dare?”

“Dare.”, because no way in hell would he share the answer to deep questions with just anyone. He made that mistake once and learned his lesson from it.

Orion took the time to think for a moment. During that time, his eyes flickered quickly to Gwyn - not too long to be noticed by most of the fae surrounding the fire, but long enough for Azriel to feel annoyed. And scared of what will come out of his mouth.

“I dare you to kiss the person you love most in this circle of people.”, Orion proudly announced.

And just like that, Azriel’s heart took a deep plunge in his chest. He knew who the person he loved most was. Without a shadow of a doubt. Her perfect image rarely left his mind. But he also knew that she more than likely would not want him to kiss her just like that. In front of people, nonetheless.

He felt Gwyn’s whole body go ramrod-straight by his side as he took his time in getting off the floor, wiping his trousers clean, and walking over to where Nesta sat. This was the save option.

Nesta’s eyes jumped from Gwyn to him, and then she nodded just slightly to give her okay in this. He knew she’d get it. He also knew she had at least a little understanding of the scope of Azriel’s feelings towards Gwyn, not that she ever spoke to him about it.

So, when Azriel lowered himself on his knee and pressed a tiny, gently kiss to her cheek, she didn’t protest, but smiled a sad smile.

Neither sad nor gentle were any of the emotions Cassian let out the minute Azriel’s lips met his mate.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, AZ?”, he basically shouted at him, arms and wings flared out wide. He genuinely looked angry. Azriel had to admit that the reaction confused him. Nesta and Cassian were long done with their frenzy, and his brother never objected when he kissed Nesta to greet her. “WHY THE ACTUAL FUCK would you pick Nesta over ME?”

And there it was. The group erupted into laughter again while Azriel shook his head in defeat. His brother will be the death of him someday. “So, are you saying I should have kissed you instead?”

Cassian looked at him wildly, his fingers on either hand coming together to form a pinch in front of his body, “EXACTLY!”

“Next time, brother.”, Azriel mumbled before sitting back down next to Gwyn. She did not acknowledge him, didn’t move a muscle as his arm brushed against her when he lowered himself. She was eerily still, and Azriel started to wonder why that might be.

The game continued for a while longer, but Azriel barely listened to what was being said. Hell, he barely noticed anything beside the girl sitting next to him and his racing thoughts. And the only explanations he could come up with for her strange reaction was: a) that she was growing more and more anxious at the turn the game took, or b) that she had expect him to kiss her.

An eruption of butterflies at the mere thought of kissing her distracted Azriel for a moment. It wasn’t as if the idea of doing so was something outlandish. They had… moments during the past year, where he was sure that Gwyn would jump over her shadow and press her lips to his. But it never happened, and Azriel was too frightened to make the first move. Too frightened to pressure her, too frightened of rejection.

The stars were already shining bright on the small group when they started growing more and more reckless and drunk with each passing round of the game. It was Cassian’s turn again when he proudly declared: “Dare!”

And Emerie had the perfect dare ready for the take, “I dare you to catch us a bat!”

The girls around the fire snickered while Cassian fake-glowered at Emerie for a second. “Easy.” Then he got up to make a show of stretching his arms and wings, apparently ready for the challenge.

Azriel would have smiled if Gwyn hadn’t scooched away from him in the past minutes. Now he was sure, more than ever, that her behavior didn’t have anything to do with the game, but everything with him. And he was determined to make it up to her.

While Cassian was busy with his task and the rest of the group shouted ‘helpful’ tips and watched in amusement, Azriel reached out his hand to find Gwyn’s. She had both her hands placed behind her body, supporting her weight as she leaned back to watch the others. The slightest jerk of her shoulders was the only give-away when his scarred skin touched her flawless, albeit cold fingers.

But she didn’t pull away. So Azriel let his fingers trace over hers, just the slightest, feather-light touch. Gwyn turned her head to him, her face carefully blank. He taught her how to perfect that kind of face that didn’t show any emotion. But teaching her meant he also knew her tells. The tenderness in her eyes that she just couldn’t hide yet.

Right when he was about to say something, a shockingly loud clash made them both jump.

Behind Gwyn, on top of her now crumpled tent, laid Cassian. His arm was outstretched in victory, cradling a small, black creature.

“By the mother!”, Azriel groaned out, stepping away from the mess that was Cassian’s limbs, branches of a tree, and Gwyn’s tent.

“I did it, losers!”, Cassian proclaimed loudly, and way too proudly for the situation he was in now.

“Cassian! Why did you have to land on my tent of all places?”, Gwyn asked, both her hands on her head in distress. The sticks holding the fabric up had bent completely out of shape, others were even broken. Azriel’s heart began to race even harder at the thought of Cassian landing on Gwyn.

Only now Cassian seemed to understand what had happened. He hastily got up, untangled himself and then looked sheepishly in Gwyn’s direction. “I’m sorry Gwynie, I didn’t mean to land on the tent. I kind of thought I would get my wings out in time and not…”

“…fall like a rock.”, Azriel commented. Cassian was too drunk to argue with, and judging from the amused slash dazed expression of everyone else, except Emerie, the others wouldn’t be of much help either. “Okay, I guess that concludes the evening. To bed everyone.”

The group of fae grumbled, but complied nonetheless by going into their respective tents. Orion just fell backwards, his legs still sticking out the entrance. Azriel could have sworn he already started snoring while leaning back.

Emerie was the only one, despite a slightly frustrated Gwyn, to notice the problem at hand. “You can squeeze into my tent, Gwyn. It’s hardly warm enough to sleep outside all night, even if the fire keeps burning.”

Gwyn nodded, then glanced to Emeries tiny single tent in resignation. “I hope you don’t mind me sleeping on top of you.”

Emerie snorted, then winked playfully at Gwyn. But she didn’t find it in her to flash her a smile in return. The past days had been hard, both on the mind and on the body. Sleeping in an overcrowded tent was less than ideal, and both Emerie and Gwyn were aware of that.

“Gwyn, if you’d feel comfortable with it, and I definitely would, we can share a tent.”, Azriel finally found the words that were so desperate to come out the second he saw Cassian land and noticed Gwyn’s predicament. With a quiet voice, he added, “My tent is inherently bigger since it has to fit the wings.”

Gwyn looked pensive for a while, just staring at the mess Cassian made, her jaws tightening as she ground them together. After what felt like ten minutes to Azriel, she looked directly at him. “Okay, Shadowsinger.”

Azriel nodded, too stunned and frankly, too out of his depth, to formulate a sentence. Emerie acknowledged Gwyn’s decision too by taking her hand and squeezing lightly. It didn’t go unnoticed by Azriel that it was both a ‘good night’, and also a silent encouragement. Because Gwyn would spend her first night with a male since the night her temple was taken, and part of her soul with it.

So when, only a few minutes and slightly awkward maneuvering later, Gwyn was cocooned safely and warmly by Azriel’s side, he didn’t really know whether to curse or praise the Mother for his luck.

“Are you sure that your wing is okay?”, Gwyn whispered for the fourth time within one minute, her nerves visible through her fidgeting. Azriel didn’t see another option than to just lie down on his side, one wing trapped beneath his and her body. For the moment, it wasn’t too uncomfortable, but he knew it will be almost excruciating in an hour or so.

“Gwyn, calm down. My wing is fine. Or it will be, once you stop moving so much.”, he whispered back, pinning her down with his stare so she would believe him and settle down. The tent was just big enough for Azriel to lie down on his stomach with his wings drawn close to his body. With Gwyn in the mix, both had to lie on their sides, their knees touching.

Was it the most comfortable? No. Would he still prefer this to his bed in the House of Wind? Or anywhere, really? Absolutely.

Gwyn seemed comfortable enough, mentality wise. Her breathing was even, face relaxed from what he could tell in the dark. And that she trusted him like that, preferred his tent over Emerie’s, made his chest swell just a little. And wish for another night on this stupid mission.

“I will kill Cassian come tomorrow. Or I’ll force him to build me a new tent from scratch.”, Gwyn grumbled. She was so close that Azriel could feel her breath caress his skin. He’d give anything for it to be her fingers.

“You know how he gets when he’s drunk.”, Azriel tired to argue for his brother, but even to him his voice sounded off. Cassian was just a reckless, overgrown bat tonight and they both knew it.

Gwyn let out a snort through her nose. “Yes. That’s the next thing I would have a word to him about. Drinking himself stupid while on a mission.” She had a point, even though tomorrow there was just the way home to tick off the list.

“I’ll hold him down, you do the punching, priestess.”, the Shadowsinger suggested, the smile audible in his voice.

“Deal.”, Gwyn let out a sign that was less amused than Azriel would have liked, “And now I have to make you suffer through the night with one wing suffocated by me, and the other cramped to the ceiling.”

She paused, lifting her head slightly from the ground. “Hey, how about you spread the other wing over me. Then at least one will function properly for the flight home tomorrow.”

Azriel barely held back a groan. He didn’t even think about having to actually use his wings to get them back home in the morning. But her suggestion overshadowed every negative thought in just a second. Because she had really just asked him to basically cocoon her in his wings. His Illyrian blood sang beneath his skin, and he grew uncomfortably hot from just thinking about how Gwyn would emerge from the tent the next morning, smelling like him.

Clearing his throat, Azriel mumbled a ‘good idea’ and then spread out his wing over Gwyn’s form. He wasn’t able to extend it completely, but the stretch felt fucking amazing nonetheless.

It must have shown on his face. “Better?”, Gwyn asked with a shy smile. She probably still though her presence in here was an inconvenience. And that needed to change.

So before he could think about what he was doing, Azriel grabbed Gwyn’s hand and interlaced his fingers with hers, resting them right between their chests. She was still too cold for his liking, but a minute or two in his wings would do the trick. “Gwyn, I can promise you that there is no-one I’d rather have in this tent with me than you. That’s the honest truth.”

Gwyn’s eyes flicked from their intertwined hands back to his face, a small smile on her lips. “You have been avoiding the truth all night. Why not now?”

“Just because I don’t share my secrets with my companions doesn’t mean I can’t share them with someone I trust.”, he explained.

Gwyn furrowed her brows just a fraction. “So you trust me, then?”

“I do.”, was the immediate answer she got in return. He had entrusted her with information, his feelings and dreams for the past months now. Well, all his feelings except one.

Gwyn just stared at him for a while, deep in thought, while her thumb drew little circles against Azriel’s hand. From time to time, she sucked in a breath, as if she was about to say something but thought better of it. They lay like that for a while, just the noises of the woods surrounding them, while Gwyn took her time to seemingly muster up courage for something.

Then, she finally spoke. “I believe you owe me another truth, Shadowsinger.”

“Another truth?”, was his incredibly smart reply, voice going a bit raspy.

Gwyn’s features were set and determined as she stared him down, nodding courtly as if bracing herself for a fight. As if he would ever fight with her. “Another truth. You know, for the secret I told you earlier.”

“But me not giving you a secret in return was fair. I never promised you.”, he said softly. He didn’t really know why he protected himself so much still, especially around her. Gwyn did deserve a bit more honesty and forthcomingness from him, he just wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to stop once the secrets spill out of him.

Gwyn’s eyes were cast down now, not wanting to give away any emotion to him. But she couldn’t hide the strain on her voice when she replied, “I guess so. Sorry for not letting it go.”

Then she flashed him a very quick and very fake smile, their hands still interlocked in front of their bodies. “Good night then, Shadowsinger. Thanks again for sharing your tent.”

Sharing his tent was one thing, but sharing his love for her was another. Still, he felt like a complete asshole for disappointing her like that. Holding her hand and having her engulfed in his wings wasn’t enough, even though Azriel had hoped so. True love seemed to take sacrifices, courage and determination. All of which bubbled up in the Shadowsinger now.

“Let’s play another round of truth or dare then. Ask me.”, his voice was barely a whisper as it travelled through the night and to Gwyn’s ear. Her eyes shot open immediately, but her gaze was still weary. It squeezed Azriel’s insides knowing that she was so unsure about him, and that that reaction was entirely his fault.

“Az, truth or dare?”, she whispered back after a while.

“Truth.”

A heartbeat passed, then another. Gwyn pressed her eyes close again.

Azriel desperately wanted to help her with this, so he leaned up slightly and then bowed his head down to their hands. He placed a soft kiss on her knuckles, hoping it would give her the courage to speak her mind.

And it seemed to work. “Why did you kiss Nesta for your dare, and not me?” He wasn’t sure if it was truly tears in her eyes he saw, or if the lighting just played tricks on him.

Azriel took a deep breath. “Nesta felt like the safe option. I’ve kissed her a hundred times before, so I knew she wouldn’t object.”

Gwyn nodded her understanding. “Okay.”

She seemed to think that was all the explanation he’d give her.

“I wanted to kiss you, Gwyn, believe me. You were the first and only person that came to my mind when Orion dared me. You are the only person on my mind, period. Not just for a stupid dare.”, his voice got stronger and stronger while sharing this secret, as if his heart was now eager for Gwyn to know the whole story. “I would have loved nothing more than just to turn my head and kiss you. But I wasn’t sure if you wanted it. If you wanted to experience it while being watched by others.”

“You weren’t sure?”, Gwyn interrupted him, her brows furrowed, “You mean the great Shadowsinger, spymaster of the Night court, didn’t get all the hints I’ve given him these past months? You mean to tell me you haven’t noticed the way I look at you, that I just can’t hide my admiration whenever I see you? That I have to drag my eyes off you so I can focus even a little bit on training and learning? I needed a little courage from you, just a little initiative, and I would have been yours in a heartbeat.”

Azriel was too shellshocked to speak, the silence stretching between them like a living being. Having missed all of these previous chances nearly suffocated the Shadowsinger.

“But I understand, it��s okay. You didn’t want to cause a scene.”, she finished, her chest heaving from the heavy confession. “I just wish you’d have chosen me despite the risks, tonight or whenever.”

Speaking of risks…

“I love you.”, Azriel didn’t even feel himself formulating the words, a little surprised when they forced their way out of his mouth, “And I know I have a shit way of showing you. And I know it might be too late now, that you deserved better. But if you allow me, I’d chose you every day from this day forward.”

Gwyn’s lips parted, but no sound came. Then she sucked in a breath, and the biggest smile he’d ever seen on her face lit up the whole tent. He’d give anything to see it again and again for the rest of his life.

Then she nodded, and Azriel’s hand left hers to find purchase behind her neck before he pressed his lips to hers. Her mouth was warm and soft, tentatively moving against him as she snuggled even closer to his side. His wings tightened around her as well, finally allowed the closeness they craved. The kiss turned more and more heated after a while, Gwyn gaining confidence from the way Azriel responded to her moves. After what felt like seconds, but was more like minutes, both had to pause for breath. When they finally parted, still tasting the other on their tongue, Gwyn smiled that sunshine-smile again.

“Well, now I am kind of glad you didn’t kiss me like that in front of the others.”, she giggled while burring her face into the crook of his neck. Azriel did the same but with his nose in her hair.

For a while, they simply stayed like that, in an embrace that spoke of unlimited truth and trust. Azriel was sure Gwyn had fallen asleep from the evenness of her breathing, so he started to run his hand over her back and hair, ecstatic that he could do this mundane thing. With her, it would never be mundane, he thought.

When he was drifting off to sleep himself, he almost didn’t hear her, thinking it was just his imagination playing a trick on him. But come morning Gwyn would tell him it hadn’t been a dream, that she really said it.

“I love you too, Az, with all my heart.”

#gwynriel #azriel x gwyn #gwyn x azriel #acotar #acotar writing #gwynriel one shot #gwynriel imagine #pro gwynriel #grown fae playing truth or dare

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acourtofthought · 1 year

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You know why I'm confident Elain and Lucien are endgame, aside from the obvious. (We know how the mate bond works)

SJM made a conscious decision to change Lucien's mate from Nesta to Elain when she realized how bad those two would be. She decided Elain was BEST AND BETTER SUITED for Lucien and Cassian for Nesta. She wanted them happy. The journey to endgame doesn't matter, she's already said she likes to put her characters through hell before HEA, and let's be real, Cassian and Lucien (more so Lucien) went through HELL, Cassian only suspected Nesta was his mate and could do nothing as she drank herself to oblivion, hurl insults at him and sleep with other men. Lucien knows and has to deal with his own guilt, wondering if maybe he had known sooner he was destined for another that Jesminda would be alive, while also fighting his instincts for Elain. It's all part of Sarah's plan that she literally laid out for us when she mated them, did she not say she'd set up tension? ARE WE NOT TRACKING TOWARDS IT. It's called storytelling, lol. Elain and Lucien jumping into each others arms was never going to be believable, and besides, SJM said one she likes for her FMC to explore before settling. That's literally all Elriel is, a distraction. It wouldn't have been hard for Sarah to make Elriel true mates, even have Mor and Grayson as roadblocks to overcome, but nope.

Elriels can stalk and harass and push their narrative all day, I could care less, I'm not taking their intrepertation of the text serious OVER THE WORDS THAT HAVE COME FROM SARAH HERSELF IN INTERVIEWS. Who we all know included Elucien in headcanon vacations as well, don't recall her saying Elain and Az 🤭🤣

At least Eluciens aren't in SJMs comments leaving death threats and tweeting that they will kill themselves if she doesn't make Elriel endgame, or literally trying to blackmail BB, when HOSAB leaks came out they continued to tweet at BB to confirm Elriel is endgame or they wouldn't stop sharing the leaks online. DESPARATION - if that's the behavior they have to resort to. Also, really proves they know deep down Elriel was a red herring all along and they are desperate for SJM to change her mind, so resorting to threats is all they have. Including bullying and harassing the fandom, I think the truly believe if Elriel is "popular" SJM will think to herself "oh, you know what, let's me prioritize Elriel" please.

This isn't SJM first rodeo with warships, people argued Chaol and Celena would end up together, the Rowan hate was real. Celeana and Chaol had a legit relationship, got to know one another, slept together, and still were not endgame due to the same red flags Elriels has, same with Feyre and Tamlin, you should've seen the Tamlin stans back then. Some are still around and not very nice people, they are bitter. I imagine the same will be said of Elriels, when their ship is confirmed good and dead they will cry fanservice and or become antis. I just hope the fandom ignores them like we do the other antis now. My point, Sarah and her team have been through this before and it didn't matter to her if Tamlin or Chaol stans were hurt, she writes what her heart desires. These are her characters after, she knows the best and in ways we are readers never will, because we aren't in her head.

If they have been nicer, maybe I'd feel sorry for them. I don't after watching for years the harassment and disgusting behavior againts Eluciens.

Also, HAHAHAHAH that SJM introduced a new female character to Azriels story, the mate parallels are real and they hate it so much they villianized a very sweet character, as an Elucien, same shit, new character to hate, Lucien was the villain for years. But Gwynriels have what Elriels want, a real possibility of a mating bond and if that isn't further proof Elriel was never intended as engame, I don't know what is. 😂🤭

And the first time SJM ever started to tease Azriels LI was during ACOSF, funny she never did prior when Elain had been around since book 1. It's almost as if a new character promoted SJM excitment for Azriels story. I wonder who that could be??

Elain will be with her sunshine in the end. ☀️

I'm so sorry for how long it took me to respond. I was slowly moving through anons prior to Elucien week then sort of stopped all together during that week so we could all focus on the prompts. I think a lot of what you said is much of what the Elucien / Gwynriel fandom feels. I do understand why the Elain and Az situation is confusing for some people because they are two pretty major characters and it is strange to introduce him as a LI after Elain finds out she has a mate only to have it fizzle. But SJM hasn't shied away from two guys vying for the same girl when you consider the history between Dorian / Chaol / Aelin, which you touched on. She was willing to get messy and create tension / jealousy between the two males though I don't think she's ever done it in reverse (two females fighting over a male). And though Aelin didn't end up with either, there was a lot of confusion as to who she was going to end up with. So based on that, it's not that strange for Az to be thrown into the Elain / Lucien mix especially when we couldn't have Elucien getting together all the way back in ACOMAF. To me, he's been a red herring, trying to throw us off the "will they / wont' they" track because Elucien is her first couple to be revealed as mates straight away and it doesn't make for very good storytelling to make it obvious they'll end up together. This series has been building for a long time and while I realize her recent books do move things in a certain direction, that doesn't mean the things she's said in the past are always irrelevant. For example, during the same interview she realized Elucien's bond took her by surprise, she also said the moment Nesta and Cassian sat down at the table together, that was it for them. That they were at one another's throats in the best way possible. But ACOFAS and the start of SF didn't really show us that they were "IT" for one another. Nesta chose to sleep with other males over Cassian, he told her to leave the NC, he told her everyone hated her, she refused his gift and told her to leave him alone. None of that mattered because they still ended up together, exactly like SJM told us in 2015 / 2016. So there's no reason to assume with any sort of confidence that Elucien is any different. An author could change her mind yet again but does anyone really see it happening that way? "Nesta and Lucien will be together." "Wait, they would cause one another too much pain so I'm scrapping that idea." "Wow! I never expected that! My character spoke to me and surprised both Lucien and I and Elain is the one for him! While he and Nesta would have made one another's wounds worse, I don't see that happening with Elain and Lucien" "No, no. actually, Lucien shouldn't be with Elain or Nesta. I think Elain will be with Az instead!" I think most times when a ship falls apart for an author it's because someone else makes sense to them. Not a ship falls apart because THAT character makes better sense but that falls apart because a THIRD character makes better sense. I think there is a lot of toxicity from both sides of the fandom but I will say, for the most part, I think Eluciens and Gwynriels have developed certain behaviors as a defense mechanism to E/riels. It's not necessarily the best way to deal with things however I do think people can only take so much before they feel like they need to fight back in some way. At some point, a person can only take so many taunts and being told their stupid, misogynists, abuse apologists, etc. before they do stand up for themselves which the other side likes to then play victim too. I just look forward to the day where we all get confirmation so we can enjoy the series for what it actually is rather than what we imagine it will be.

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mosylufanfic · 2 years

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Rebelcaptain prompt idea!

Was thinking college AU but any modern would work too?

From the prompt list: “you’re really bad at beer pong but you do this really cute dance before you throw the ball so I’m letting you stay on my team”

I just really needed some fluff after that Andor finale. I'm wrung out like a washrag you guys.

Strategic Thinking

Bodhi looked around the room with some satisfaction. His birthday party was crowded, noisy, and more than a little drunk. Perfect, in other words.

A tall, thin young man walked up to him. "Bodhi," Kay said. "Where is Jyn Erso?"

Bodhi eyed his friend suspiciously. He very rarely ever wanted to know where Jyn Erso was, unless it was to avoid her. "Why?"

"Cassian is getting together teams for beer pong."

"Oh yeah? I want to come see this." Kay's roommate was really good. It was kind of unsettling how well Cassian could aim a tiny ping pong ball at a red solo cup. If beer pong was an Olympic sport, he would be a gold medalist. "But Jyn is terrible at beer pong."

"Yes. She is. Where is she?"

Bodhi gestured toward the kitchen, still baffled.

Kay marched across the room to a woman sitting on the counter with a beer in her hand. "Jyn Erso."

She peered at him with the same suspicion as Bodhi. Possibly more because she didn't like Kay any more than he liked her. "Yes," she said slowly.

"We are playing beer pong."

"Good for you."

"Cassian is playing."

She paused. "Oh. Well. Maybe I'll come, if you need to round out a team."

She slithered down from the counter with only a slight wobble and followed them out to the patio. "Right, you assholes, who wants me?"

Cassian, who was filling the solo cups arranged on the ping pong table, looked up. "You can join my team."

"Noooo," Melshi groaned. "She's shit. We'll be trashed in no time."

"Shut up, haters, I'm amazing," Jyn said, flipping them off and marching to Cassian's side of the table.

With a smirk, Kay joined the other team.

Bodhi sat out, watching, still puzzled. Jyn was terrible, and she got more terrible as the game went on and she had to drink more and more beer. At one point she actually managed to bean Kay in the forehead. Though that could have been on purpose.

Even though the rest of Cassian's team did their best, their cups were still the first to empty out.

"Ha!" Kay said. "We won! I believe the phrase is, suck it, haters."

Jyn flipped him off. "Come on, Cassian, I'll get you a vodka."

"Well, if it's the least you can do," Cassian said, following her readily.

"You know the point isn't to win beer pong," Bodhi said to Kay, who was looking intensely smug.

"Nonsense. The point of all competitive games is to win."

"No, the point is to get a little drunker and to make fun of the opposing team. How did you know Cassian would let her play on his side?"

"Simple observation. Cassian's desire to win beer pong was eclipsed by his far more powerful appreciation for Jyn Erso's rear end and the way she wiggles it when she's lining up a shot that she will, inevitably, miss."

Bodhi blinked a few times. Now that Kay mentioned it, he did remember Cassian taking a step back every time it was Jyn's turn. "How did you know about that?" Kay was about as interested in women as Bodhi was.

"I have inside information."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning Cassian talks often about his appreciation for her rear end." He made a face. "And assorted body parts. It's very annoying. But it does give me the edge in beer pong." He took a deep drink and commented, "The mating rituals of the college-aged human are a continuing study."

Bodhi eyed him. "Why do you say that like you're not human?"

FINIS

#Cassian Andor #Jyn Erso #rebelcaptain #Bodhi Rook #K-2SO #mosylufanfic lives up to her damn name #NaNo stories #star wars

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flythesail · 2 years

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Okay because there's only three episodes left (🥲) and because why not, here are my predictions for the rest of s1 of Andor (and some of s2):

Cassian and Melshi (and probably others) escape Narkina 5.

Kino doesn't make it :(

He's either a) killed when he almost makes it to freedom or b) sacrifices himself so the others can make it.

Back on Niamos, Cassian is able to get his stuff back from where he was staying with Windi (the woman he was with).

Idk I could be wrong, but Nemik's manifesto seems kinda important to just drop out of the plot. Same with Clem's blaster.

So Cassian gets his stuff back, whether he has to track it down or meet with Windi (who maybe thinks he ghosted her when really he was arrested and stuck in an imperial prison ahahaha not fun times).

Back on Ferrix, everyone is there (Syril shows up for.. probably thinking he has the ability to take matters into his own hands. At one point I would have said he and Dedra work together, but after ep.9 I highly doubt she'll want anything to do with him ever. Unless she can use him to her advantage).

Cinta is already on Ferrix, and just for finale reasons (possibly still being ordered to kill Cassian reasons) Vel ends up back there too. (Also then they can kiss <3)

Cassian gets back to Ferrix and sees everything has gotten Even Worse.

Maarva dies shortly after Cassian's return. (Sorry to Cassian, but I'm waiting for a crying scene and this is it). I'm going to go with she just dies from old age. Maybe right before Dedra can use her to get to Cassian too (HA).

We see the timeline with young Cassian again, around when he's adjusting to life on Ferrix. Maybe we see his relationship with Clem and Maarva, maybe... Even young Bix? To be shown alongside Cassian learning what happened to Bix in the present.

I think that would work in the final episodes for a few reasons. A) it would feel very full circle to return to young Cassian at the end as that's where the season started, and b) as this season ends, I don't think it will be necessary to have flashbacks anymore. Idk if we'll even return to Ferrix next season. (More on that later).

Luthen... Dies??

Feeling unsure over that, but currently Luthen and Maarva hold a somewhat similar role. I wouldn't go as far to say Luthen is a parental figure to Cassian, as they barely know each other. Yet it's a sort of mentor role (or could be if they worked together more), and with Cassian presumably officially joining the rebellion by the season's end, it might be time for Luthen to go.

Another thing with Luthen is that he's a connecting piece. The biggest example, being that he was the primary go-between for Coruscant-things and the Aldhani team.

Which leads into another prediction: Mon is found out and has to leave Coruscant by the finale. (Granted, this could happen next season. But I stick by the fact it feels like a finale thing).

And if Mon is found out, well... We no longer really need Luthen to jump between those two spheres.

(And there's still Vel if we need to).

Also with Luthen, there's a lot of talk on him "slipping." Kleya is a firm believer of this. That has to lead somewhere and his death is one guess.

The empire is after Luthen too! Cassian too, but they can't get him for Rogue One-related reasons. (Aka, bad news for Luthen).

Other deaths: this is is largely me speaking from a place of fear, but Vel, Cinta, and Bix ALL make it out alive.

Yes... One of them could die. BUT... We have 4 more years to cover and these characters imo have a ton more story left to be told. While I feel highly doubtful anyone will make it to the s2 finale beside Mon, Melshi, and Cassian - at this point I'm letting myself believe the girls are safe and will still play a vital role in s2.

(Side note: fingers crossed Melshi gets a ton of screentime in s2 <3) (Imagine the trio of Cassian, Kay, and Melshi. I'm begging for it!!)

Brasso? I hate to say it, but I think he could die. :( Especially if we don't return to Ferrix in s2, there's a chance he doesn't make it.

If Maarva does die, Bix is really the only other big character left that's tied to Ferrix. Yet out of all the Ferrix characters, I could see her leaving Ferrix for the sake of keeping her in the story.

OR, she stays behind and becomes the reason to return to Ferrix in s2. This is all just speculation since idk whether Ferrix is confirmed for s2 or not.

Oh and B2. Considering he's made to fit the idea of "old family dog"... I'm afraid :(

Biggest point of the finale though is: Ferrix changes forever and so has Cassian.

Maybe s2 even ends with Cassian leaving Ferrix with whoever is left. Like his own little crew :')

Dedra and Syril also make it to s2, but I have nooo idea what they'll be doing in it. They can only be after Cassian for so long lol.

OH!! Last thing: Kerri

This late in the season, I don't think Cassian will ever see her again.

I think we will learn more about what possibly or did happen to her (this could pair with more flashbacks to young Cassian).

Yet with time running out, I'm less and less hopeful this will have a happy ending.

And given Cassian has yet to get a moment to clearly express how Maarva is the one that separated him from Kerri, the time around Maarva's death would be an interesting time to bring it up. Or better put, complicated.

#this is so long but i wanted it as a record lol #andor #flythepost

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emeriethevalkyriegirl · 2 years

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Totally Spies (Valkyries) Chapter 23

@sunshinebingo @aelinchocolatelover

That evening, Team Night took Team Exile’s advice. They all decided to have a game night at Lucien’s estate. After Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie finished all of their homework, they practically begged the boys to have a game night tonight at the Vanserras. They declined at first since the last time they went over there, they snuck in. But Lucien assured them it was okay and the whole sneaking around never happened. So, the boys decided to take Team Exile’s offer and spend the evening playing video games with Lucien and his friends.

It was currently 6pm and the sky was just now getting dark. “I can’t believe we actually agreed to this.” Cassian said as he saw the girls walking ahead of them. Nesta and Emerie were bragging about which game would be cooler to play while Gwyn was walking beside them carrying Shadow who chilled in her touch. Azriel rolled his eyes at the two of them. “I can’t believe we agreed to take Shadow.”

“No, you agreed. We only said yes because we wanted them to stop fake crying.” Cassian recoiled as Rhysand chuckled. “I can’t believe you of all people fell for it.” Now this time, both Rhysand and Azriel laughed. Cassian frowned but started to laugh as well. “We’re here!” Gwyn called out as the girls raced to the estate.

The estate’s gate was locked so Emerie tried to bang on it. “Hey, Lucien! We’re here!” Rhysand couldn’t help but chuckle. “There’s an intercom on the side of the gate, you didn’t have to shout,” he said, ruffling the girl’s hair. Azriel walked over to the intercom and told Lucien they’d arrived. In an instant, the gate opened up. The girls cheered and ran into the forest of the estate. “Hey guys, don’t run!” Cassian tried to warn them but the girls were completely out of earshot. Having no choice, the boys jogged after them.

Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie found their way to the front door of the estate. Emerie was about to knock again, but the door swung open before she could. Vassa looked at the girls and smiled. “Hey guys, you made it!” she said as the girls said hi. “Where are the boys?”

“Over here.” Vassa and the girls looked to see Rhysand and his brothers right behind them. They were also breathing heavily like they just finished running. “You guys okay?” Vassa asked as Rhysand replied, “Ask me that after you have to chase after 3 kids in the dark.”

------------------------

Lucien was right about having a tone of video games. He practically had the entire store. The game room in Lucien’s house was as big as a movie theater. He had an Xbox, ps5, Wii, and Nintendo. While Cassian and Nesta betted to see who can beat one another in Mario kart, Azriel and Rhysand chilled in the soft and comfy chairs at the pool table with Lucien and Vassa. Gwyn was sitting in one of the chairs watching Cassian and Nesta play Mario Kart while petting Shadow. Emerie and Jurian had snuck off somewhere, but it didn’t matter. The boys knew Jurian was a good guy.

“It really was nice of you to invite us, Lucien,” Rhysand said as Lucien finished drinking a soda can. “It was my pleasure Rhys. We’re not close friends, but you are one of my favorites apart from Tamlin.” Hearing Tamlin’s name stung.

He and Tamlin used to be close. But after he betrayed him and his entire family, Prythian hasn’t really been on the best of terms with Spring. In the end, Tamlin’s family was demoted from going out into the field work for an entire decade. It was a fair punishment for some, but Rhysand never looked at him the same after that.

He even started calling him Flower Boy after the incident. His reputation was ruined after that. However, Tamlin came back on top after he started a fight with him back in grade school. Rhysand’s own reputation was damaged after that. A small part of him felt bad for humiliating Tamlin, but he’ll never apologize for it.

Azriel, sensing his brother’s stiff body, placed a hand on his shoulder. Rhysand tapped his hand as a way of saying thanks. “So, I heard you guys got expelled from college,” Lucien said with a smirk. Vassa laughed as Rhysand and Azriel rolled their eyes. “You can blame that on Cass.”

“It was ONE BUILDING!” Cassian shouted as Nesta fired a red turtle shell as his character while her character finished in 1st place. “YES!”

“NO!” Cassian cried as Nesta laughed and started to do a victory dance in her seat. “I beat you; I beat you!” Nesta chanted while Cassian playfully glared at the 13-year-old. “You only won because I got distracted.”

“That was your own fault.” Nesta fired back as Gwyn laughed at her comment. Now, Cassian was glaring at both of them. “You’re both lucky you’re still children. You’d be hearing from my lawyer about this.”

“You can’t afford a lawyer!”

“You are my lawyer Az!”

“I don’t work for free.” Nesta and Gwyn laughed at Azriel’s comment.

Turning away from the trio, Azriel faced the others. “Sorry about that, my client was being bitchy today.”

“He’s always bitchy.” Rhysand commented making everyone laugh harder. However, the laughter soon died out when everyone started hearing laser-firing sounds. “What the?” Rhysand said as he and the others started to get up. Before they all started to worry, Emerie zoomed down the stairs waving something small in her hand. “Hey guys look what I found!” she said smiling from ear to ear while Jurian raced down the stairs with her.

Getting a closer look, Lucien spoke. “A pen?” he asked as Emerie shook her head. “Not just any pen. A laser pen!” she cheered as Lucien widen his eyes. “Oh no.” he said as he and Vassa stomped toward Jurian who was trying to explain that Emerie tricked him into finding a small weapon.

Azriel walked over to Emerie and snatched the pen away. “Emerie, no weapons.” he said coldly as Emerie pouted. “Aw, but it’s so cool.” she whined trying to reach for the pen. Azriel dangled the pen. “I said no.” he replied as Emerie stopped reaching. “Hey Az, what’s that on your head?”

“Huh?” Azriel looked away for a split moment. Big mistake. Emerie smirked and jumped onto Azriel, grabbing his shoulders for support. “Woah! Hey!” Azriel tried to wiggle Emerie off of him, but Emerie only smirked and grabbed the pen from his palm. “Haha! Mine!” she yelled in triumph. Azriel regained his footing and reached out to grab the girl, but Emerie had already jumped off of him after she grabbed the pen. “Emerie, give that back!”

“How did she even get that anyway?” Rhysand asked as he, Azriel, and the others turned to Jurian. Jurian smiled nervously while scratching the back of his head. “Well, she said she needed something to write with, so I gave her a pen.”

“You gave her the laser pointing pen!” Vassa yelled. “It’s not my fault. Lucien doesn’t label them.” Jurian fired back trying to put the blame on Lucien. Emerie groaned. “Relax guys, I can handle a tiny laser pointer.”

And then all hell broke loose. Emerie’s thumb accidentally pressed the top of the pen, causing the laser to shoot out of it, startling everyone. It bounced off the mirror near one of the theater lights, bounced off Gwyn’s pegasus necklace, and Jurian dodged it by bumping into Lucien. The laser zoomed its way near Rhysand, but he ducked in time.

For a moment, no one said anything. Until Rhysand glared at Emerie. She laughed nervously and placed the pen in her pocket. “Um...oops?” Rhysand, still glaring, held out his hand gesturing for the young girl to give him the weapon. Realizing that it’d be better if she didn’t get on her friend’s bad side, Emerie coughed up the pen. “Sorry,”

Rhysand sighed and turned around for a moment to facepalmed. “What am I gonna do with you?” Rhysand didn’t get a response. Instead, he heard sound of laughter coming from Emerie and Vassa. Turning around, Rhysand looked to find Azriel looking away and Jurian and Lucien trying not to laugh. He also noticed his brother Cassian and the girls Nesta and Gwyn were here, arriving while the laser pointer show was in affect. Nesta and Gwyn were laughing like Emerie . Cassian was merely chuckling silently.

“What?” Rhysand asked as Azriel took a picture of the back of his head. Before Rhysand could ask what was that for, Azriel showed him picture. Rhysand’s eye were as wide as the sun. There was a bald spot. Right in the middle of the back of his head. And, it was noticeable. The laser bounced off the wall from behind him and hit his head. And he didn’t even know it.

But he did know one thing. Someone has to pay. “EMERIE!!!!!!!!!”

#Nesta #Gwyn #Emerie #Rhysand #Cassian #Azriel #Vassa #Lucien #Jurian

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unhealthyfanobsession · 3 years

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Opening scene to the (hypothetical for now) Winter Olympics fic I may decide to go ahead with:

Nesta stretched forward until her wrists touched her toes, curled her fingers around the arches of her feet, and let her chest melt into her thighs. Holding the position for ten long, full breaths.

“Can’t do that on the team charter,” Eris said smugly from where he sat on a tufted leather couch across from her.

Nesta spread her legs and reached her hands forward until her chest touched the floor, chin resting on her hands as she said, “Yes, your family’s private jet is one of the two positive things about you.”

“Oh?” He arched a burnt-orange brow, “and what praytell, is the second?”

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Oh no, I think I’d like to hear this.”

Nesta pulled out of her stretch and chucked a pen at Eris’ smug face. “Humility is a virtue.”

“I’ve never claimed to be virtuous,” he shrugged. “Now come on, Archeron. 20 years of skating together. I think the flight to our first Olympic Games is an appropriate time for your first ever compliment to me.”

Nesta rolled her eyes, “You are an incredibly skilled skater, Eris. Graceful and able to land almost impossibly difficult jumps. You are one of the best ice dancers in the world and it is the only reason I haven’t sliced your head off with one of my blades yet.”

“Thank you,” he leaned back in his seat. “You are adequate as well.”

“What laws do you think would apply if I murdered you in foreign airspace?”

Eris only rolled his eyes. “A few hours ago you might have had a shot at getting away with it, but we just passed into Chinese airspace. Extradition treaty all the way.”

Nesta shrugged, “Canadian jails aren’t so bad. Might be worth it.”

“Kill me after we win a gold medal.”

“Good point.”

“How’s your ankle?” Eris’ eyes darkened with the question. Nesta swallowed hard, running her fingers across the exposed expanse of her lower leg.

“It’s fine.” Even she could hear the uncharacteristically quiet, breathy quality her voice took on. Nesta looked up at Eris and then shook her head.

“What?”

“I…” Nesta was not used to vulnerability. Especially not with Eris Vanserra. They were a team, but they were only so good because they were also competitors. They pushed each other. Hard. Off a cliff sometimes. But however much they fought, whatever else he was…

“I’ve never actually said thank you,” Nesta turned her eyes away from his as she spoke, scratching at her arm uncomfortably.

Eris inclined his head, staring down at her in utter confusion. “No. I don’t think you’ve ever said those words in your life.” Nesta scoffed. “As much as I love it when you say nice things to me, Sunshine, can I ask what exactly you are thanking me for?”

“For sticking by me through…” she gestured vaguely at her ankle. The one that had snapped in three places months before the last Olympics. The Olympics that was supposed to be their grand debut. Where they were going in ranked 1st in the world and then…

Nesta swore her heart shattered on the ice along with her ankle.

“No need to thank me for that,” Eris waved a hand dismissively. “You’re the best. Of course I was going to wait. Do I look like someone who would accept a silver or god forbid, bronze, medal, Archeron?”

“So I’m not just adequate, then?” Nesta teased, because genuine conversations were not something she and Eris did.

“You’re the best.” There was no teasing in his voice. “And so am I. There was no world in which I went to these games without you, Sunshine.”

“You being nice is weird,” Nesta wrinkled up her eyebrows.

“Does it make you want to thank me some more?” Eris winked, spreading out across the couch.

“It’s been no for 20 years, Eris. What made you think this was the moment?”

He shrugged, “Maybe after we win.”

“Maybe not.”

*******************************************************

So if I do end up writing this olympics pt 2 I think a big focus will be on chill vibes Cassian vs Uptight precise Eris and it’s a dynamic I’m kind of liking. If people like this, maybe I’ll share the first Nessian meeting in a bit

#nessian #neris #nesta archeron #eris vanserra #acosf #cassian #a court of thorns and roses #nesta and cassian #sarah j maas #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #acotar

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sarah-bae-maas · 3 years

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Gwyn wants to explore, and Azriel needs a friend - a Gwynriel fic - Part 1

In honour of this blog turning five years old, I thought I would treat you all to a two part/chapter Gwynriel fic that has been wandering around in my brain throughout countless days of lockdown and tortuous university classes.

I’m already well underway with part 2 of this fic, but I do have some assignments coming up, so expect it within the fortnight!

So please do enjoy this nearly 15k words worth of Gwynriel goodness <3

Masterlist Ao3

_____________

She was staring at him.

Again.

Azriel had always paid special attention to Gwyn – not that he would tell her that, of course. It was a secret held deep in his shadows that she was his favourite Valkyrie, the one he thought the most brave and resilient. It would not be an unpopular opinion if he did share it, the other women looked at her with great admiration, and Nesta often sung her praises when the female wasn’t there to refute her words. But Azriel knew the presumptions people might make if they knew he thought it, and the last thing he wanted was for a misunderstanding to make Gwyn uncomfortable.

Gwyn was holding a bag for Emerie to kick, her stance strong enough that she didn’t flinch at all with each pummel. Her focus should have been on Emerie’s form, but rather her teal eyes were glued to him. Every time Azriel looked over at her, she quickly shifted her gaze to her friend, but his shadows constantly reminded him that Gwyn was once again paying her attention to him.

Cassian called the end of the session. Azriel was grateful, he was finding it harder and harder to train the women effectively when he knew Gwyn was right there.

He practically fled the scene, his cheeks brushed with red, barely nodding to the women who said their thanks to him as he passed. It’s not that he didn’t like her attention, but it made his stomach feel heavy, his hands shake, and he didn’t like how out of control he felt whenever she looked at him like that.

He settled in the dining room. Standing, he braced his hands on the table, a bead of sweat dripping off his forehead and tarnishing the wood. Nesta wouldn’t like if he got his sweat all over the table, even though her and Cassian had coated it in far more scandalous bodily fluids. He should do something productive, like work or eat or pester Rhys and Feyre to have Nyx for the afternoon, but instead he chose to close his eyes and picture the person who’d been haunting him.

He and Gwyn were friends. She was over nearly every night to eat with Nesta, their dinners a sort of lively Azriel hadn’t experienced since he’d lived in Illyria with Rhys and Cas. It was joyful to live in a space filled with such light, but also overwhelming. Azriel found that as much as he loved the time with the rag-tag team they’d made for themselves, his social timer still clicked in his mind as a constant reminder that sometimes dealing with people, even the ones you loved, could be utterly exhausting.

Not with Gwyn though, his shadows lamented, setting him straight. No, Azriel never felt tired with her.

“Az?”

As though his thoughts alone had summoned her, Gwyn’s voice startled him out of his reverie. He turned, his lips parting slightly at the sight of her.

She was still in her training gear – a shirt and pants lovingly stitched by Emerie with embroidered flowers decorating the seams – her neat braid falling around her face, framing her pearlescent skin in fire.

“Gwyneth. Do you need something?”

Her eyes were wide, her hands clasped in front of her as she wrung her fingers. It made Azriel tilt his head in confusion, not understanding why she was so nervous. They spoke every day, she mouthed off at him often, and her shift in confidence had him surprised.

“I have a proposition for you, but you must promise to not tell a soul.”

Azriel raised a brow, leaning back into the table. He spread his hands before him. “I’m listening.”

Gwyn swallowed, her cheeks turning the same shade of red as her hair.

“Imsturbalt,” she squeaked.

“What?”

“I masturbate a lot!” She smacked her hands over her mouth, as if betrayed at the words they spilled.

Azriel’s jaw went slack, his eyes near bugging from his skull. “Okay… that’s good? Self-exploration!” He half-heartedly waved a celebratory fist in the air, not sure what to say to her statement.

She groaned louder than a stabbing victim. “I was thinking that, I didn’t intend to say it aloud.” She rubbed her hands over her face, peeking at him through her fingers. “Please don’t tell anyone I said that.”

“Your secrets are safer with me than they are anyone else.” Azriel smiled, trying to diffuse the obvious tension in her body. “So, your proposition?”

She tensed her jaw, moving her arms behind and looking at the ground as she spoke. “I guess my previous statement that will never be mentioned again to anyone if you like having the functional use of your organsperhaps wasn’t entirely irrelevant to what I’m going to ask you. But I beg, please let me finish before you say anything, and also don’t feel pressured to say yes.”

“Okay.”

“Silence.”

“Yes ma’am.”

She grinned at him, her eyes finally meeting his again. “As you know, better than anyone really, I have a difficult past.”

Azriel wished he could burn the images of finding her on that table from his mind. He’d had to actively teach himself not to envision her crying and screaming for her sister when she’d first became a permanent fixture in House of Wind. He’s seen many horrific things in his time, was no stranger to the worst humanity had to offer, but it was different when it was someone so vulnerable, so selfless, so important to him. It might have made him a bad person that he didn’t equate people’s trauma accordingly, but how could he possibly care for a stranger as much as he cared for Gwyn?

“What happened to me made me fear my body. Fear the sexuality I see women like Nesta and Mor own. They’re so powerful, and the things that have happened to them… They’re not broken. They’re not less. They’re not afraid.” She paused, sighing deeply. “I would never look upon anyone in the library as lesser than because of the things that have happened to them. It wasn’t until I met Nesta and Emerie that I realised I didn’t give myself the same grace. I want to own the parts of me that were stolen. I want to feel like my body belongs to me. I didn’t even know where to begin, but then the House gave me this book, some fluffy romance novel, and the girl in it was just like me. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just felt so seen. Like the Mother herself had handed this smut piece into my lap to make me feel better.”

Gwyn moved to one of the lounge chairs that Cassian had haphazardly shoved into a corner one night when Nesta didn’t feel like moving from the dining room. Gwyn was effortlessly graceful as she sat and curled her legs up, her head resting on her fist.

“That’s where the masturbating comes in.” Her eyes avoided his again, focusing on patterns her fingers drew in the velvet material of the chair. “The girl in the book did it. She’d never had an orgasm either. So, I did too.” She laughed quietly. “It made me feel good. Not just the physical pleasure part, but the part where it was just me, empowering myself at a pace I was comfortable with.”

Azriel wished he could say something, but one, he knew to be silent and let her have this moment, and two, he didn’t know how to tell someone he was proud of them for touching themselves without it sounding weird. He was proud though, extremely so, at how strong she felt from acting on her wants. Her resilience had always astounded him.

“In the book, the girl meets this man.” Her voice lowered, barely more than a whisper. “He treats her so kindly, in a way that I’ve seen Cassian treat Nesta a million times, in a way I yearn to be treated. I’ve given myself a clean slate. This body, my body, has only been touched by me. I am whole. I was never broken, just healing. And I’m at a stage where I want more. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

Azriel wished her could say yes, please the eager note in her voice that hoped he was on the same page as her, but even his shadows were silent to her desires.

She glanced at him just long enough to see him shake his head. She tipped her head back. “When Nesta first started sleeping with Cassian, I was so curious. What were they doing? What was he doing to make her look so satisfied? But when I tried to picture it, my stomach would churn. And then time passed. I grew stronger. I became a Valkyrie. And like many others before me and many more in the centuries to come, I walked in on Cassian and Nesta fucking.”

Azriel inhaled sharply. To hear the vulgarity fucking from a mouth so pure sent a bolt through him, and he chided himself for his inappropriate thoughts during such a serious conversation.

“They don’t know I saw, not that I think they would have minded. I would bet good money that if I asked for a demonstration on pleasurable acts Cassian and Nesta would be more than happy to comply. Where I might have once felt sick from seeing them, instead I felt-”

She cut herself off, looking for the right words.

“I felt burning desire. I’ve never been so envious of someone in my life. I didn’t want to have sex with Cassian, but by the Cauldron I wanted to feel the way that Nesta did. I wouldn’t tell you this if I didn’t know you were such a good secret keeper. Or such a good friend.”

Azriel couldn’t bite his tongue any longer. “Gwyn, what do you want from me?”

“I want you to have sex with me.”

***

Azriel stared at his ceiling, his shadows dancing and rolling around him.

I want you to have sex with me.

He tested the words on his own lips. They tasted sweet. They also brought an uncomfortable amount of pressure to his cock. He refused to touch it though and kept both his hands firmly behind his head.

He’d told Gwyn he needed to think about it, and she understood. She said she didn’t expect an answer from him straight away.

Azriel had a lot to consider.

He was practically titillated that when Gwyn had decided she wanted to explore herself with a male, it was him who she thought of. She expressed that it was because she knew he’d care for her, that he’d respect her and because of how much she trusted him. There were not words to express how hearing such things felt to him. It made him want to do this for her, because his soul be damned he knew he would do right by her. Make her feel good, feel special, feel appreciated.

It would be amiss though not to acknowledge that if he did do this, let her warm his bed while he tasted her, it could ruin not just the friendship they had established but also the dynamic of the house. She had assured him that if his answer was no, they would continue their lives as if the conversation never happened.

Which brought a darker thought to his mind.

If not Azriel, then who? She would surely approach someone else. Someone not deserving of her, who might not treat her how she deserved to be treated. That was not to say Azriel thought that in all his bastardly ways he was what Gwyn should have – no, she deserved more than he could ever give – but at least he knew that she would be safe with him.

The thought of another male’s hands on her made him see red.

That was answer enough.

***

Nesta and Cassian were gone for the weekend, caring for Nyx while Feyre and Rhys had a romantic getaway for the weekend. Azriel secretly thought Nesta was using this as a trial to see if her and Cassian were ready for a baby.

It was the perfect opportunity to have Gwyn join him.

The day after she’d approached him, he’d slipped her a note after training to say that he was all in, and to meet him the next night. He tried not to watch her face as she read the note but couldn’t help it. She went bright pink, but she seemed exhilarated.

And now she was standing in his room.

They nervously looked at each other. Azriel wanted to give her the chance to speak first other than their obligatory greetings, but she was tongue-tied.

“I was thinking we should take this in steps,” Azriel said, sitting on the edge of his bed, watching her refrain from pacing back and forth.

“That seems logical. What sort of steps?”

“I was thinking tonight we take sex off the table.”

“What?” Her face fell, hurt evident in her expression.

“Just for tonight. Gwyn, have you had your first kiss?”

She shook her head no.

“Then maybe we do that. And anything beyond only what you want. I need you to know that you’re in control here. Whatever we do or don’t do is completely your decision.”

She nodded, a small smile gracing her lips. “That sounds reasonable. Like you’re my little puppet.” Her hands mimed using a marionette, and Azriel found it easy to reciprocate her smile.

She moved to his side, planting herself on the bed next to him. He couldn’t help but notice the how good she smelled, how carefully her hair had been arranged and how she’d worn her nicest dress. She had wanted to look good for him, and the thought made his heart squeeze.

He reached out and held the hands she clasped in her lap. It made her look at him, her teal eyes flashing in the room only lit by his fireplace.

“You’re a very good friend, Azriel.”

“Do you want me to kiss you, Gwyn?”

She nodded, turning her body to face him.

He brushed her cheek with his thumb, then her lips, before he settled on cradling her face. She leant her head into his hand, so trusting as she looked at him. His hand was so big that the fingers that lay on her neck could feel her hammering pulse.

She leant in the same time he did.

At first it was just a peck. Their lips brushing against each other’s so gently it made Azriel ache. He pressed his lips to her again, and again, getting her used to the feeling of his lips on hers. She enthusiastically reciprocated, her slender fingers running up his chest before meeting behind his head, tangling themselves in his hair. He smiled against her mouth, pleased at such a reaction when the real kissing had yet to even start.

His grazed his tongue along her lip, and she eagerly opened her mouth, letting his tongue slip inside her. The noise she made at the contact buzzed straight through him, and he was pleasantly surprised when Gwyn, in all her eagerness, took control of him.

She kissed him as though she had done it her whole life, like her mouth belonged on his, and the feel of her delicate tongue made him deepen their kiss, angling her head so they could better feel one another. She was practically leaning back, and if this had been a meaningless one night stand she’d have been on her back by now with Azriel’s mouth between her thighs.

She broke away from him, his mouth instinctively following hers as it wanted more, making her gleam in pride.

“I want to change positions,” she said, her hands still wired into his hair.

“Anything you want,” he replied breathlessly.

Azriel didn’t know what to expect, but it was not her getting up and crawling into his lap. She straddled his thighs, and there was no way she wouldn’t be able to feel his erection pressing against her. He did with his hands what any male would do in this situation, and her giggle was enough to know that she’d wanted him to do that.

“Your hands are on my ass,” she laughed.

“Is that okay?”

“Very much so.” She took a deep breath. “Take your shirt off. Please.”

He obliged.

“And you should – you should take off my dress too.”

“Are you sure?”

“I have a slip on underneath.”

His hands shook slightly as they ran up her sides and to her back, undoing each button on her dress. To give her a more authentic experience, he decided to lean in as he did, kissing a new spot on her neck with each button that came undone.

She raised her arms so that he could slip the dress over her head, and he averted his eyes when her slip rode up with it. He didn’t look back until she had adjusted herself. When he did, he nearly fainted.

She was divine in her beauty. He always saw lovely she was, anyone with eyes would. Her body was lean and tight. Her uniform may have hidden it, but she had the power of any warrior in her body. Azriel wondered if she purposefully hid her strength so that it was a secret part of her arsenal. Smart female.

He ran his hands up her spread legs before planting them back on her ass. Unable to resist, he squeezed his hands, making her groan.

“Your hands feel so good,” she gasped. “Do everyone’s hands feel like that, or is it just you?”

He snickered. “Anyone who is worth their weight knows how to make a female feel good.” He bumped her shoulder with his nose. “What would you like me to do now? Do you want to keep kissing?”

“Fuck yes I want to keep kissing.” She leaned forward, her breasts pressing against his chest as she playfully nipped at his bottom lip. “But maybe we could do other things. Even better things.”

“What do you have in mind?”

Gwyn reached behind her and grabbed one of the hands resting on her behind. For the first time since they’d started, she looked nervous. Her legs were shaking, and Azriel was unsure if it was anxiety or anticipation for whatever she had planned.

She guided his hand under his slip until he was cupping her sex.

“You aren’t.” He swallowed hard. “You aren’t wearing underwear.”

She shook her head playfully. “I didn’t think I would need to.”

She pressed his hand into her, and he moaned at the wetness he found. She was so slick for him already, and all they had done was kiss. He did an exploratory brush through her folds, and as at the tip of his finger grazed over her clit, she arched into him, holding on tight to his shoulders.

He started teasing her, obsessed with the little noises she was making at the back of her throat as he did, but he soon realised something.

Usually, when Azriel was with a female, they got progressively more… turned on. Their bodies would react to his touch, and his fingers would be coated in their juices before he even attempted to enter them with either his fingers or his cock.

Gwyn was not.

It seemed the more he touched her, the more it was like her body didn’t want this. For all intents and purposes, she was… drying up?

His hand went still, and he could feel her body instinctively relaxing as his hand left her pussy.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered, clinging to him.

“You don’t enjoy this.” He made her look him in the eye, and his throat tightened at how she looked. There were tears lining her eyes and a deep furrow on her forehead.

“I do, I promise I do. I’m just nervous. If we – if we just overcome this one thing-”

“No, Gwyn.”

“Please Azriel,” she said desperately, trying to guide his hand back between her thighs.

As gently as he could, he lifted her from his lap and placed her beside him on the bed. Her breath shuddered, and he couldn’t bear the shattered look on her face.

She didn’t say a word, just stood up and tried to locate her dress. Azriel didn’t even know where he had thrown it, but he stood and stopped her from looking anyway.

“Gwyn…” He grasped her hands in his, towering over her as they faced each other. “I want to do this for you, please believe me when I say that. But maybe we just need to take a few more steps first. Do something else before that.”

“What else is there?” She was dejected, her shoulders slumped. “I don’t know what I’m doing Az. And I swear on the Cauldron I want this. Fuck, this is so embarrassing. I’m just so nervous, and I get in my head about everything I do-”

“Hey hey hey, stop that.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and the ropable tension in her body started to ease out. She slumped against him, his arms wrapping around her in an embrace. “This is fine. Great, even.”

“You are such a liar.” She sighed, but at least she returned his embrace, tucking herself into him so they were as close as possible.

He tried to think of ways to salvage the night for her, to give her at least a little bit of what she wanted.

An idea sprang to mind.

“Gwyn?”

“Mmm?”

“Get on the bed. Lie down.”

She looked up at him hopefully. She didn’t need to be told twice. She practically flung herself at the bed, laying down on her back and resting her arms above her head. She grinned at him, and he didn’t miss the way she clenched her thighs together than spread them apart like a silent invitation.

Azriel couldn’t help but brighten at her enthusiasm. He undid the buttons on his pants and kicked them down so he was naked before her.

“I thought we weren’t having sex!” She jolted to her side, holding herself up on her arms and staring at his penis, her eyes practically bulging out of her head at the sight of it.

There were many things Azriel did not like about himself. But he had a damn fine cock.

He laughed at the look on her face and shook his head. “We’re not having sex. I’m not even going to touch you.”

She deflated. “Really? Not even a little bit?”

He followed her to the bed, climbing over her without touching her and planting himself next to her so they were lying side to side. He turned his head to her, and she looked at him curiously.

“We’re not just going to lie here naked, are we? It’s a bit cold for that.”

It was a little chilly. Her nipples were hard under her slip, which had ridden up to her stomach.

“No, but we can get under the blanket if you want.”

Her gaze raked up and down his body. “I’m happy above the blanket.”

They laid in a comfortable silence for a moment, happily taking in each other’s bodies. She was the most exquisite thing he had ever seen, and he was glad to see that their kissing antics had left her dishevelled. He liked that look on her.

“Are you actually not going to touch me?”

“I’m not. I think you should touch yourself.”

“Pardon?”

“I’ll touch myself, too. It’ll be a way for us to be more comfortable with each other. For you to be in control of your pleasure.”

“Will you watch me?” she murmured.

“If that’s okay. You can watch me, too.”

She considered his words, and Azriel wondered if this was in fact not the good idea he’d thought he’d had. She pursed her lips, and he knew her answer when she grabbed the hem of her slip and pulled it off, leaving her naked before him.

They stared into each other’s eyes as her hand brushed over her exposed breasts, and Azriel had to hold himself back from taking them in his mouth, from pinching her perked nipples with his teeth. Maybe later, that could come; he thought she would quite like it.

Her right hand kneaded her breast and tweaked her nipple while her left dipped down between her legs. Two fingers ran over her core, and he studied the way she massaged herself so that he could do it to her in the future. At the sight, he tentatively grasped his cock, wanting to make sure that she was truly okay with him touching himself at the vision of her with her fingers dipping inside her, moistening herself before focusing on her clit.

Her eyes flickered to his stroking hand, and her response nearly made him finish then and there like a teenager exploring themselves for the first time. She’d seen him, and lifted her leg so that it was draped over one of his, giving her a better angle on her clit and twining them together.

“I’m used to being quiet,” she shuddered. “So that no one hears me.”

“Be as loud as you want. Scream for me.”

Her hand quickened, and his sack tightened as he matched her speed with his own hand, gripping himself tightly. He moaned so loudly that he was once again thankful that Cassian and Nesta weren’t in the house. Even the magic of the walls mightn’t contain the pleasure pulsing through him as he watched her.

Her legs started to shake, and the little noises she’d made before were no more. Her voice was loud as she no longer held herself back from feeling even ounce of her impending orgasm.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked, her hips starting to gyrate against her hand.

“You. All I can think of is you,” Azriel moaned. He pumped himself quicker, his grip becoming harder.

“What about you,” he whispered in her ear. “Are you thinking about what you saw Cassian do to Nesta?”

Her toes curled at his words. “I’m thinking of what I saw them doing, but it’s you and me.”

“What are we doing, Gwyneth?”

Her eyes fluttered shut. Her tongue licked her lips before she bit down on them. “We’re in the library. You have me bent over one of the desks, and you’re taking me from behind. One of your arms is around me, and you’re flicking my clit as I scream your name. You’re so deep in me, Azriel, I can feel every inch of you as I clench around you. Cauldron, you feel so good. The best thing I’ve ever felt, Az.”

His breath hitched, and he felt himself on the brink of coming. What finally did him in was her teeth biting down on his shoulder as she screamed his name, her orgasm making her whole body shake as it overcame over.

When they had both come down from their highs, they laid trying to catch their breath, both their bodies covered in sweat.

“That was amazing,” she sighed, turning to face him.

He grabbed a corner of the unused blanket beneath them to wipe himself off, then turned to face her, an arm going around her waist and his lips pressing a kiss to her forehead and cheek.

He wanted to look at her body, finally relaxed and languid, but his shadows had another idea. They bathed over her like silk, dancing over her curves and crevices, making her laugh.

“I quite like them,” she said, her eyes starting to drift closed.

“Are you tired?”

“Mhmm.” She snuggled into him further, stealing his warmth. His cock responded to her touch, but it was too soon yet to do anything meaningful.

“Move up for a sec.”

“Is that you trying to hint that I should go?” Her voice was joking, but the look on her face said that she’d go if he wanted her too.

“Absolutely not, you’re staying here with me. I’m just grabbing the blanket.”

She moved away just long enough for him to pull the blankets over them and pull her to his chest again.

She made a content noise and closed her eyes to sleep, and Az thought to himself that he didn’t care if this one day ended their friendship, because it might very well be the best time of his life anyway.

***

The next two weeks were filled with them sneaking away and feverishly touching themselves in all sorts of ways. Once, Gwyn sat in his lap naked while they stroked themselves, kissing each other the entire time. Another time, she pleasured herself by grinding against his thigh and he palmed himself – they hadn’t even bothered to take their clothes off. A late-night training session had led to her using a particularly shaped massage tool on herself in very a scandalous way while he watched, near feral at the sight of her pumping into herself. He did not return that item to the training ring, instead he kept it in his bedside drawer for future use.

It wasn’t until sixteen days and countless orgasms into their agreement that Azriel was finally able to touch her.

It had been a busy night. Rhys, Feyre, Nyx, Mor and Emerie were over for dinner, and it had been the most fun Az had had in a group since last solstice. At the table, he’d had Feyre on one side and Gwyn on the other, and her little secret touches to his thigh made him feel warm all over.

It wasn’t necessarily an arousing touch, just an affectionate one. When the group had started to disperse to drink, Nesta the sober adult taking care of Nyx, Az noticed Gwyn sneak away. He promptly followed her, making sure everyone was distracted as he did so no one noticed what they were doing.

Within a few minutes he was between her thighs tasting her. She had mentioned the night before that she wanted his tongue on her, and by the Cauldron was he happy to oblige. She was sitting on the edge of desk in the library that she’d described to him all those weeks ago, and whilst on his knees before her, he jerked himself off as she crumbled beneath his mouth.

Thankfully, by the time they returned, people were far too tipsy to question where they’d been.

Except for Nesta, who looked suspiciously between the two of them. Whatever she was thinking, it was at Gwyn’s behest if she knew anything. It was her decision, always, what happened between them, and if she wanted people to know about their sneakiness, that was for her to decide.

Seven days later is when she first touched him. Until that point it had all been about her, which is what Azriel wanted. They were on his bed, his fingers deep inside her as they kissed, when her hand brushed against his cock. He moved his hips aside, and she broke their kiss off with a noise of indignation.

“Stop swatting my hands away!” She flicked his nose with her finger.

“Huh?” He was still dazed on the sound of his hand gliding through her dripping wet core.

“Do you not want me to touch you?” Her voice was curt.

“I just want this to be about you. I don’t want you to think that I’m only with you for my own sexual gratification. The only thing that matters to me is your happiness, my soul purpose is you. You’re my priority.” He kissed her neck. “My desires are your desires.” Another kiss. “I can’t focus if you’re anything less than panting and satisfied.”

She pursed her lips, a familiar expression at this point. It turned into a joyful smile, and she smacked a kiss to his lips. “That was actually very sweet. After I get you off, I’m going to sit on your face.”

What was even better than the heavy petting and intense make out sessions was the talking. Sometimes for hours they would just tangle themselves together and divulge their life stories. Azriel knew all about her sister and mother – Gwyn confessing that she felt guilt when her twin wasn’t on the forefront of her mind, but sometimes she pushed her away because the memory of her was overwhelmingly devastating. Az wiped her tears away, desperate to see her smile again. But he also knew of all the good times she’d had growing up, and it made him feel alight inside to know how loved she was. Az told her mostly of Rhys and Cassian and the family they had made for themselves, about how it was so hard to be away from his mother, but he wouldn’t have survived another day in his father’s presence. Gwyn cried for him sometimes, and Azriel had never known such empathy from another.

When they were alone in the House, Nesta and Cassian off on one of their sexcations, Gwyn would spend her evenings and nights with him just as a friend, doing housework and menial tasks that she didn’t have to while humming various tunes. Az would tell her to stop working, but she would just grin and say she liked feeling like part of a home too much to not pretend that she lived there too. So he would just hum with her, his shadows dancing and swaying the way they always inevitably did around her. Then they would fall into bed together (or any surface really) until they were spent and exhausted.

Azriel had never known happiness like this.

***

Azriel was buzzing with excitement. He’d left Gwyn wrapped up in his bed, the sun not yet risen, and made sure to leave her some breakfast on his nightstand and the fire burning to keep her warm without his body next to hers. Usually he would wake her up early with his head between her thighs so she could go back to the library, but she had already told the acolytes she roomed with that she would be staying with Nesta, so no need to sneak around when no one was expecting her.

Before they’d gone to sleep the night before, Gwyn said something to him that left him smiling even now as he made his way to Rhys.

I want to have sex, Az. I’m sure. I know I’m safe with you.

Az didn’t know why Rhys needed him, but if it involved leaving Velaris, he would barter for a few more days so that he might be with Gwyn before he left. An odd feeling entered his chest at the thought. He couldn’t name the feeling; he just knew he didn’t want to leave Gwyn alone.

He landed on the doorstep of Feyre and Rhys’ home. Before he had the chance to let himself in, Feyre opened the door, a grave look on her face.

“Quick. Before they start yelling.” Feyre pinched her nose, the other hand holding Nyx on her hip.

Azriel pushed past her, and it wasn’t hard to find the source of Feyre’s frustration.

“Once again you fucking asshole, you need to back off. How dare you-”

“Nes, calm down-”

“Tell me to calm down again Cassian and I’m out of here. As I was saying, how fucking dare you accuse her of such things, Rhysand, High Lord of Shitting me up the Wall.”

“Nesta, for fuck’s sake you’re getting defensive for no reason!”

“No reason?!” she spat, Cassian holding her back before she lunged at Rhys.

“Too late,” Feyre muttered at him as she walked into the office, sitting at the desk to remain neutral in Nesta and Rhysand’s pissing match. Azriel would love to know what had riled them up so much that they were nearly screaming at each other, but any guidance from his brothers was not there.

“You have to admit that it’s suspicious, Nesta!”

Rhys threw his arm at Azriel as he approached, looking triumphant. “Azriel will agree with me.”

“He will not.”

“May I ask what I might need to agree to, or will it remain a mystery as to why you’re yelling so early in the morning?” Az crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for them to stop acting like children.

“Rhys accused Gwyn of being a spy,” Nesta growled.

“You’re twisting my words! I said I’d had reports of her acting strange, of her behaviour being completely different, and I suggested that it was worth looking into. We have to consider the safety of Velaris, and Gwyn would be the perfect plant.”

Azriel was sure Rhys was going to say more, but he was interrupted by Azriel’s uncontrollable fit of laughter. His laughs shook his whole body, and he felt tears in his eyes from how hard his fit was hitting him. He had to bend over to try and catch his breath, clutching at his chest as though his lungs might leap out of it.

“What’s so funny,” Rhys deadpanned.

Azriel shook his head and walked to Nesta, putting an arm around her shoulder.

“Are you serious, Rhys? Gwyn? Gwyenth Berdara?”

“Yes, I’m serious. Both Clotho and Merrill have approached me. Clotho, because she was worried, and Merrill, because she thought that Gwyn was being insubordinate. Clotho has had multiple girls come to her in fear for Gwyn, saying she’s been disappearing at night and coming back early in the morning. They she’s tired, unfocused, and that she’s exceeding every expectation they had for her in training and acting like a different person in the library. This has all been reported over the last month.” Rhys picked Nyx out of Feyre’s arms to calm himself before continuing. “Gwyn knows incredibly sensitive information about us. She helped us with the Trove, she treats the House of Wind like she bloody lives there. She’s awfully comfortable for a person who previous to knowing us refused to leave the library.”

Any humour Azriel felt had been leeched from his body. Nesta’s verbal beating of Rhys had been justified and then some.

“With all due respect, you can go fuck yourself,” he bit at his brother.

Feyre made a noise in the back of her throat and took Nyx back from Rhys before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.

Too much swearing for such little ears! she said into their minds as she was leaving.

“What the fuck, Az?” Rhys looked startled.

“I knew he’d side with me,” Nesta said smugly.

“She’s ‘awfully comfortable?’ Yeah, she is, because she found a fucking family. Nesta is like a sister to her, and she’s over at the House a lot not because she’s entitled, but because we want her there. You might not make that much of an effort with Nesta’s friends because of your own personal shit, but Cassian and I consider her a close friend. Accusing her of anything unbecoming, to me, is as bad as if you’d dragged me in here to tell me Cassian was working against us. You sound ludicrous. Also, need I remind you, it’s not your fucking House anymore. Who we have over is none of your damned business.”

Rhys scoffed. “It’s not your House either.”

“Sorry, High Lord Rhysand, I’ll manage my expectations.” Az clenched his jaw at Rhys’ words. He was right. Azriel didn’t technically have any property, neither had Cassian until Rhys had given Nesta the House as a mating gift. Azriel didn’t technically have a home beyond the sky, nothing worth giving to or sharing with another person. Even now, Gwyn was waiting for him in a bedroom that technically wasn’t is. He wouldn’t dare leave though, not when he knew it was one of only two places that Gwyn felt safe in.

“Why are you getting so defensive? You know what I’m saying is reasonable.”

“It would be if we didn’t know her. She is… there are not words to describe her.”

“Yes, there is,” Nesta piqued. “She is competitive. She is feisty. She’s a Valkyrie. She is the kindest soul in Velaris. She is so brave, and strong, and the most selflessly loving person I’ve met in my entire life. If you weren’t so thick headed, you would see that she’s like Feyre in a lot of ways.” Nesta paused. She left Azriel’s side to stand in front of Rhys, her shoulders back and her head high. “If you accuse her of something it would break her heart. I won’t let you hurt her.”

“I would never hurt her, Nesta.” Rhys rubbed a hand over his face. “If you’re so convinced that nothing is going on, can you explain her strange behaviour.”

Nesta turned away from Rhys, so that he couldn’t see her face. When Nesta looked over at Azriel, she didn’t need to say a single word for him to know that she knew the exact reason Gwyn was acting different.

It was because of him.

“I don’t need to explain it because I trust her. I’m also with her nearly every minute of every day. Do you not think I would not notice if she was conniving against us? Or are you truly that foolish?”

“I agree with Nesta,” Cassian said. “She’s either with us training the Valkyries, or she’s working with Nesta in the library. Who cares if she’s a little distracted, we all are sometimes.”

“And you’re sure of this?” Rhys directed his question at Azriel, almost as if he couldn’t trust Cassian and Nesta to be impartial because of how close they were to Gwyn. Huh. If only he knew.

“I have never been surer of anything.”

***

“Azriel, wait.”

Azriel was stalking through the front gardens. He would walk until his head was clear, then he would go home – go to the House of Wind – and spend the morning with Gwyn. Nesta had other plans.

“What is it?”

“Gwyn-”

“-will be safe. I won’t let Rhys near her.”

“I’m not worried about that. What is going on between you two?”

“Nothing.”

“I’m not blind. All the things Rhys described? Sure, might be espionage, but it might also just be someone falling in love.”

“We’re not together.” Love? What a preposterous thought. Gwyn had been very clear from the beginning in what she wanted from him. She needed someone to fulfil her physical needs, and Azriel was happy to do so. All the other stuff, the talking and friendship, was just icing.

“Then what are you doing? Setting yourselves up to get hurt?”

“This is a conversation you should have with her.”

“She trusts you so much, Az. Please, don’t do anything that would hurt her. She’s come so far since we met.”

“Nesta, I promise you I couldn’t dream of hurting her. The thought alone makes me feel visceral pain. What we do, what we are, is just her making decisions and doing what she wants. How did you even know there was something going on?”

Nesta smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I guessed she had a flirtation with someone. I knew it was you from the way she started saying your name.”

Azriel felt his eyes burn, but he did not know why. “The way she says my name?”

“I’ve heard the way she says it a million times. From Cassian and I. From Rhys and Feyre. I can’t describe it beyond that.”

Azriel shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted where he stood. “Have you told Cas?”

“I don’t need to, he knows.”

“So you guys have talked about it?”

“No. I haven’t told him that I know. But I know he knows. And he also knows I know.”

“So he knows you know even though you haven’t told him you know and you know he knows even though he hasn’t said he knows?”

“Exactly,” she laughed. Her smile was more genuine now. It was a look she’d only had since her mating ceremony. It sung contentment, something she, like him, struggled to have.

She came to him and linked their arms, resting her head on his shoulder. Her friendship was invaluable to him, as much as it was a surprise when it first started to form.

“I have one other thing to say, and then I’ll let you go home to Gwyn.”

“Yes, Nesta?”

“The House of Wind is as much as your home as it is mine. You can stay there forever if you want. It is your home, Azriel, and I wouldn’t dream of it being anything else.”

***

Gwyn was awake when Azriel returned home. She was humming a song to herself in bed, wrapped in his blankets like it was a cocoon. She had the breakfast he made for her in her lap, and when he entered the room, she pulled the blanket aside and opened her arms for him to fall into to.

Maybe he still looked stormy after his talk with Rhys, or maybe she just wanted to hold him. Either way, he fell happily into her embrace.

***

Gwyn had set a date. She did not intend to be so clinical about it, she just wanted to give herself a chance to mentally prepare for what was about to happen, and she needed a few days to do so.

The month she’d had with Azriel had been… Cauldron, she did not know how to exactly describe it. When she had approached him, she honestly did not think that he would say yes to such a ridiculous idea. But he had, and he’d given her nothing short of the best month of her life. Her cheeks ached from how much she was smiling, and even if she was tired when she worked, she wouldn’t give up her restless nights for anything.

It would also be remiss for her to not acknowledge that perhaps what she had with him was more than an arranged bargain, but any time the thoughts propped up she promptly put them to the side.

She had not gone to see Az last night, needing the time to do extra work so that she could be missed for a day. Or two. Maybe even three.

Gwyn didn’t know how long this marathon might last, but if it were anything like Nesta and Cassian’s, it could be a while.

She had also warned Clotho and the females she shared her room with that she would be staying at the House of Wind for a few days. When asked why, she just said she was doing something with Emerie without going into any detail.

So, tonight it was. She was ready.

She was so fucking ready.

The moment dinner was served in the library she made a run for it, having to physically restrain herself from skipping out of the library. She was so excited, her body literally vibrating with energy, that she didn’t even see Nesta before their bodies slammed together.

They went to a ground in a tangled fumble, and Nesta was too busy laughing to listen to Gwyn’s repeated apologies. The brisk evening air greeted them, the stars starting to peek through the violet dusk as they laid on the path that took them from the library to the training area to the House.

“Well, you made looking for you much easier,” Nesta said, brushing off her dress as she stood. She offered Gwyn a hand, which she gladly took. Nesta started walking towards the House, their hands not dropping as they swung them between them like children.

“Why were you looking for me?”

“Emerie is here with Mor and Feyre. I wanted you to join us for dinner.”

“I have dinner with you every night.”

“I know, but I wanted you to know that you’re not just welcome but also invited.”

Gwyn smiled at Nesta, love for her friend filling her heart.

They approached the House, Nesta’s face falling as they walked in and saw Rhys standing in the middle of the room, confused looks on the faces of Mor and Emerie as everyone just looked uncomfortable.

Nesta’s hands squeezed Gwyn’s, and for just a second it felt like Nesta was about to pull Gwyn right back to the library.

“I’m not sure what the problem is,” Mor said slowly. “We go out in Velaris all the time, why can’t we tonight?”

“You’re more than welcome to, I would just rather stay here,” Azriel replied.

Gwyn knew the look on his face. It was the same look he’d had a few days ago when he’d returned from Mother knows where after Rhys summoned him. Gwyn assumed Azriel had just had to do one of the many hard tasks expected of a spymaster, but perhaps there was something else if his face was a mirror of that again now.

“What’s going on?” asked Nesta.

They all turned to look at them like they were surprised to see them. Not even Azriel had noticed their entrance, although Gwyn self-admitted that Azriel tended to be surprised by her sudden appearances quite often. She didn’t know for sure, but she thought maybe his shadows didn’t bother warning him when she was near. It’s not like she was a danger to the guy.

“Rhys came and said we should try the new restaurant on the Rainbow! The one near Feyre’s studio? I’ve heard really nice things about it, and the family that opened it are really beautiful.” Mor beamed at them all, trying to disperse the odd tension. “And then maybe we could go dancing.”

The idea sounded wonderful, and Gwyn wistfully wished she could join them. In reality, just the thought of going into the city set her heard racing. The only time she had ever left the library or the House, other than to go to Emerie’s house which landed them in the Bloodrite, was to officiate Nesta and Cassian’s mating ceremony. Although the memory was one of her most treasured ones, it was not something she thought she would be able to do again. Not yet.

“I’ve heard great things about that place,” Nesta replied, her stomach audibly grumbling at just hearing about the exquisite food it might receive.

“You are all more than welcome to go.” Azriel swept a hand out between them. “But I don’t want to.”

His gaze flickered to Gwyn, and suddenly the eyes of everyone were on her.

A blanket of understanding washed over the room. Most eyes were understanding, Mor’s held the pity that Gwyn hated, and Rhys looked indifferent, if not satisfied.

Azriel’s resistance became evident. It wasn’t just that it was the night, their night, but he didn’t want her to be left alone whilst everyone else galivanted through the city having the time of their lives when they knew she wouldn’t be able to join them.

“I don’t want to go either. It’s been a long week and I’m tired,” said Nesta.

Gwyn narrowed her eyes at her lying sister but couldn’t hold it in her heart to be angry. In face, she had to stop it from swelling with how loving their words felt. They didn’t want her to be alone. They wanted to stay with her.

“You know,” spoke Emerie softly, “I can’t imagine anywhere making food as well as the House.”

Mor’s eyes shot to Emerie, and Gwyn wondered if she was imagining the slight betrayed look in them.

“Guy’s, c’mon. Rhys and I made a reservation, they’re expecting us! It would be rude not to go,” Mor pleaded.

Azriel opened his mouth to snap back, but Gwyn interrupted. “She’s right. You should go enjoy yourselves.”

“But Gwyn-”

“It’s okay, Nesta. Please, I really think you should all go.” She made a point to look at Azriel. “It sounds like it would be a lot of fun.”

“It’s not fair to arrange activities that we can’t all participate in.” Azriel’s voice had softened as he looked at her, and if she didn’t have better self-control she would stride over and plant a kiss on his pouting lips.

“How could Mor have known that Gwyn would be here? It’s not her fault,” Rhys interjected.

“That’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard-”

“Stop, just stop.” Gwyn clutched her hands in front of her and stepped away from Nesta. She needed them to see her as an adult, as someone who was strong and to be taken seriously. “It’s fine. Really, truly. I have a lot to do anyway.” She turned to Feyre and waved her fingers at Nyx. “If you would like, I can take care of him so you can enjoy some grown-up time.”

For a second Feyre looked hopeful, but then she schooled her face into neutrality. Rhys stepped between the two, and Feyre had to put an arm on his shoulder.

As if to stop him stepping any further.

Gywn blinked, feeling like she should blanch away but not sure as to why.

“That won’t be necessary,” Rhys said. She’d heard him use that voice before. It was his political voice. His I-have-an-agenda voice. Now it was her turn to look confused.

“No worries,” Gwyn whispered.

She looked away from the High Lord’s searing gaze and back to her friends. She hoped her face didn’t speak of her sadness.

“Please go. I would feel awful if any of you stayed on my part. If anything, by going and having a great time you’d be doing me a favour, because I wouldn’t feel guilty.”

“You could always just come with us,” Mor said, tucking her hair behind her ears in a way that was comically similar to how the ‘popular’ girls in her smutty books would behave.

Gwyn bit her lip, thinking about it. Of course, logically, she would be safe. They would all be there, Azriel would be there, but she genuinely felt like she might vomit at the thought. A bead of sweat dripped down her back, and she despised how her eyes stung with tears. She breathed the way her and Nesta had learnt from Valkyrie texts and pulled herself back to reality. Sometimes the logic of actions did not dictate how you would feel, or react, to a situation. Gwyn reminded herself once more to be kinder to herself.

“Thank you for the offer, Mor, but I am happy here.” Gwyn smiled brightly at them all, and they seemed to relax – all but Az and her sisters.

She shooed them out of the House, hoping that one day she would be able to join them.

***

It was odd. Gwyn had spent much time over the last few years alone, but it had never affected her. And although the House was quite good company – it had dinner and dessert ready for her with a box of tissues and chocolates even before Cassian had finally flown off with the resistant Nesta – it wasn’t the same as spending time with someone who could talk back to you.

She only just made it through her meal when she crawled into Azriel’s bed, hoping the scent of him would make her feel better.

It didn’t, but the sight of his room did. There were unlit candles lining the room, and flowers adorning every surface. The cheeky male had even installed a mirror on the ceiling above the bed, and she blushed profusely at the implications.

He had tried to make it romantic, and she adored him for it.

She had no idea when he would be back, and she scolded herself for wishing it would be sooner rather than later. She wanted him to be out and about with his family, even if it made her burn with envy that everyone would be able to enjoy him but her.

She rolled over, stuffing her face into his pillow and groaning. She should take off her day clothes and resign herself to pyjamas. Maybe she should sleep in a different bedroom so as to not torture herself with what this night could have been.

Her night with Az. The night with Az.

“That’s it. I am so over this,” she said aloud before springing up. She stomped out of the room and towards Nesta’s, flinging her closet open to inspect her clothes.

It was just a restaurant. It was safe. She would be fine. Besides, how could she overcome her fears if not to face them? She had gone to Emerie’s and survived. She had gone to Nesta’s mating ceremony and survived. She had won the bloody Bloodrite!

As she looked through the dresses, she quickly realised they wouldn’t fit. They would hang loose at her hips and chest, where Nesta was beautifully endowed and she was not.

“Not to worry, I’ll just take a coat then.” Taking the first one she saw, light but soft enough that warmth wouldn’t be an issue, Gwyn shoved her shoes on approached the door that led to the ten thousand steps that would take her to Velaris. She didn’t know where to go from there, but she knew in her heart of hearts that she would be able to find her friends with enough willpower. And since meeting Nesta and Emerie, since being empowered by the strongest females she knew and since empowering herself, she knew she had that willpower in abundance.

“Let’s fucking do this.”

***

She didn’t know at what point the House had left her, its omnipresence not connected to the stairs, but she was doing just fine even if she felt its absence. She counted in her head to keep track of where she was.

One thousand. Feeling good. Coat in arms.

Two thousand. Out of breath but in a good way.

Three thousand. Fucking shit.

Four thousand. Maybe she should turn around.

Five thousand.

Six thousand. How has Nesta done this multiple times?

Seven thousand. She had this! This was easier than Ramiel!

Eight thousand. If she died here no one would find her.

Nine thousand.

Ten. Fucking. Thousand.

Gwyn realised that there was no way she’d be able to eat with them. They would be having dessert if they hadn’t already moved on. She just needed to find them.

As Gwyn took the last step, her toes touched the streets of Velaris for the very first time.

It was so beautiful she thought she might cry. There was colour everywhere, the laughter of adults and children alike, and she could smell delicious food as the many restaurant’s wide-open doors let the scents pour into the streets. The faelights lining the streets reminded her of the stars she often gazed at with Azriel, the thought of him like a caress to her mind.

Azriel loved Velaris, would die for this city if he had to. How could she been afraid of something he loved so much?

She took one step. Then one more. She was sure to anyone that glanced her way she must have looked like a lunatic, her eyes wide in wonder as she moved at a snail’s pace, Nesta’s coat bundled in her arms because after all those steps she didn’t need it.

Her heart was hammering in her chest, equal parts fear and excitement, as she walked through the city. She got a few odd looks, but she could see it was out of curiosity for a newcomer in a city that had been locked down for centuries, and not for violence. She wasn’t leered at or bothered. In fact, the only time someone even talked to her was when a toddler sprinted from his mother’s side, his legs too quick for his body to keep up, and he fell into her.

The mother apologised profusely but Gwyn didn’t care at all. How could she be mad at the pudgy little baby?

It was easy to find her way to a district clearly dedicated to all things food. If possible, she slowed down even more. She peeked inside every restaurant looking for the four sets of wings that would set her friends apart from everyone else.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of searching but was probably closer to forty minutes, she saw them.

Azriel and Rhys were standing outside the restaurant Mor must’ve been talking about. Light and music drifted from its open windows, the streets still full of roaming people. Gwyn knew they wouldn’t be able to see her yet, and she wondered how she should approach them.

Azriel… did not look happy, and the tense set of Rhys’ shoulders and back let her know that his face likely looked the same, even if he was facing away from her.

Before she could think of a strategy, Azriel looked up, his eyes meeting hers.

Gwyn could not describe the feeling that filled her as they drunk in one another. Still standing twenty steps from him, his gaze made her feel like she was wrapped in his arms.

She raised one hand in a wave, and it was like Rhys didn’t exist at all.

Azriel shoved him to the side, Rhys making an indignant sound as he did. He ran to her, and she dropped Nesta’s coat so she could wrap her arms around him as they crashed together. People in the streets backed off at Azriel’s display, and in that moment she couldn’t have cared less about where she was, as long as she was with him.

His wings wrapped around her, creating a shield between them and the outside world.

“Gwyn.”

“Hey Az,” she whispered, her arms around his neck and his face tucked to her shoulder.

“What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” He straightened and brushed the hair from her face. It had stuck to her skin from how much she had sweat while taking the stairs, but she didn’t care how she looked. She knew he certainly never would.

He looked ready to fight an invisible threat, and it made her throb in unspeakable places.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just – I. Um.” She hadn’t rehearsed what she would say to him, but it’s not like she could blurt out Hey! Just wanted to near you at all times and rub my body against yours!

“Did something happen? What do you need me to do?”

She shook her head. “No, no, Az, really, I’m fine. I just regretted not coming out with you all.”

He must have been able to see the honesty on her face and smile, because he relaxed, his wings folding back.

The look on his face was adorable as the realisation dawned on him that she was here for him.

“Did I miss everything? Are you all done?”

He didn’t answer, but he did look behind him. Rhys was standing there with his mouth open, his face laced with something Gwyn couldn’t put a name to. Before she could greet him, Rhys stormed back into the restaurant.

Azriel turned back to her, and he didn’t hesitate when he lifted her chin and kissed her.

She gasped but reciprocated zealously. She pushed her body into his, and his arms went around her as he lifted her off her feet, cradling him to her as he kissed her like she was the wind that let him embrace the skies. He tasted like air, like gold, like this was his final breath and he was he was sharing it with just her.

***

Azriel sat with Gwyn while the rest of their friends danced. She hid it well, but he could tell that she was nervous being in this new environment.

She had been so good, so brave when she went into the restaurant and greeted Azriel’s family. Nesta and Emerie jumped up when they saw her, and Nesta held her tightly while Emerie rushed to get another chair. Nesta was trying to be subtle, but Azriel saw the happy tears she shed as she held Gwyn. Emerie then insisted that Gwyn sit and eat her strawberry and mango cheesecake with her, which earned an inexplicable scowl from Mor. Interesting.

Once Gwyn was satisfied and protesting the consumption of more food, they all walked together to one of the classier bars Nesta used to frequent so they could go dancing. Everyone was light as a feather, except Rhys, but life was hard as a fucking asshole, so Az wasn’t surprised he was feeling surly.

And now here they were. Azriel and Gwyn seated with the others dancing to their hearts content. Mor was spinning around with a giggling Nyx, Feyre and Rhys were swaying but it was obvious they were speaking to each other through their daemati bond, and Emerie and Nesta were terrorising Cassian in a three-way dance.

“How are you feeling?” Azriel asked, his shadows silent to her moods. If it had been anyone else, he would have known she was coming to the restaurant before she’d even left the House. But his shadows didn’t like to spy on her and revelled in him being surprised by her.

“I feel good.” Her gaze was focused on the dance floor, and Azriel glanced over to see what was so entrancing.

Nesta and Cassian were finally dancing alone, Emerie now with Nyx and Mor. The way Cassian and Nesta were grinding on each other was nothing short of pornographic as they moved into the shadows of the dance floor. Nesta’s back was to Cassian, his hands clasped on her hips as his lips were on her neck as she pushed her ass back against him.

Azriel snorted. They’d be fucking in an alley within the next fifteen minutes.

“Do you want to dance like that, Gwyneth?”

She turned to him, a lovely flush spreading from her face to her chest. “No,” she said unconvincingly. She slid her chair closer to his, the bar stool so high she had to hop onto it to sit. It was frightfully cute, and Azriel had to restrain from kissing her again.

He couldn’t help it in the street. The sight of her – rumpled, breathless, her face alight with joy – was too much for him.

She was beginning to be too much for him.

The longer he was with her, the more of her he was allowed to have, the more he feared he could never go back to just a simple friendship. This female would either be his salvation or his ruination, either of which he would happily accept if it meant he could savour every minute he had left with her.

Under the table, she linked their hands, and Azriel thought he might very well die from the touch.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get to enjoy our plans.” He rubbed his thumb against her finger.

She smiled his way, her eyes crinkling at the sides. “It’s okay.” She looked down, biting her lip. “I went to your room. I saw what you had done.”

He swallowed hard. “Did you like it?”

She removed her hand from his and placed it on his thigh. “I loved it.”

He shifted in his seat, glad that the tablecloth was long enough so that anyone around, if they looked, would only see their ankles. “You’re playing with fire right now,” he chucked under his breath as she continued to stroke his thigh.

“I especially liked the mirror on the ceiling. May I ask, what purpose does it serve?” Her smile may have been all innocent, but the way her hand was moving was anything but.

She leant against him so they were touching shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip.

“It was for your pleasure.”

“Is that right?”

He brushed his lips to her ear, grateful that the dim lights of the bar kept them in the shadows and that the dancing bodies kept their scents hidden. And over the live music, no one would hear them. “Mhm. It was so that, no matter what position I put you in, you could watch me.”

She tipped her head back, humming in acknowledgement. Her hand, already in dangerous territory, swept down his increasingly hard length.

He grunted, laying both his hands on the table and fisting the cloth.

“Is this okay?” she asked, breathless.

He nodded, taking a swig of his drink to distract him.

She brushed her hand down again, bolder this time, and he squirmed in his chair.

“I would take it out, but I fear it would be seen over the table. So inside it stays,” she sighed. “It must be hard being so large.” She put her lips to his ear, mimicking what he had done to her. “I do love it though. The size, the taste, I think about it constantly.”

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he choked out. “But at least I’d die happy.”

Her hand slipped inside his pants, and he couldn’t help but thrust up into her hand. He tilted his head back in pleasure as she worked him, getting the angles just right as she pumped him. He was unbelievably aroused by the public act, barely able to believe that she’d do something so audacious. But Cauldron have mercy, he would do anything if it meant she was touching him. She could ask to ride him right now in the middle of this bar and he would blissfully indulge.

“I’m going to finish soon,” he warned her.

“I can’t wait for you to finish in me.”

Her words were his undoing, and he felt the edge of the table splinter under his grip as he contained his moan of pleasure.

He stared at her as she pulled her hand from him, offering him a serviette to clean himself like she hadn’t just given him a mind-blowing orgasm where anyone could have seen.

“Az?” she asked after a few, content minutes of silence.

“Yes, Gwyneth?”

“Do you think we could go dance?”

***

Gwyn couldn’t remember the last time she had been this relentlessly happy. Azriel flew her and Emerie back to the House of Wind, the latter looking forlorn as they finally left the bar in the small hours of the morning.

Rhys and Feyre had left much earlier, Nyx too small to stay up that late, and if Gwyn was being honest she was surprised they lasted as long as they did. Feyre seemed fine, but Rhys was in a shocking mood. Every time she asked Azriel about it, he just muttered about Rhys being a jerk without elaborating. She could tell that whatever it was, it was sensitive, so she didn’t push him.

Her and Nesta put a very intoxicated Emerie to bed, stripping her and putting her into some pyjamas before tucking her in nice and tight with some herbs on her nightstand that would help her head in the morning. Azriel and Cassian had already gone to their respective bedrooms, and Gwyn contemplated how she was going to sneak into Azriel’s room when Nesta stopped her.

“Can we talk for a second?”

“Of course.”

Nesta led her to the library, and they plopped themselves onto one of the plush couches. Gwyn faced her as she sat, tucking her feet under Nesta’s thighs to keep them warm.

Two hot chocolates appeared to them on a table, a dish of marshmallows to the side. They whispered their thanks to the House, claiming the warm drinks. Gwyn pressed hers up against her face, liking the warmth on her skin.

“What do you want to talk about?” Gwyn asked, taking a sip.

“Azriel. You. You and Azriel.” Nesta patted her shin, and Gwyn put her drink down. This wasn’t a hot chocolate kind of conversation.

“I don’t know what you’re talk-”

“Do you love him, Gwyn? Because if you did, or even if you don’t, you don’t have to sneak around Cassian and I and pretend nothing is happening. You can live here, forever if you want. All four of us in the House.”

“Nesta-”

“Imagine if we both had our families and babies here. It’s a big place, we wouldn’t get in each other’s way. And maybe Emerie could come too and she could fall in love too and we’d all be so happy. Okay, I’m rambling and that was weird. What I’m trying to say is – is that you can Azriel are so obviously together and I’m wracking my brain trying to figure out why you’re keeping it a secret from us, not that I care that you have secrets you’re an adult and you don’t have to tell me everything, and I’m so fucking happy for you, Gwyn, and I want you to know that you can be publicly happy, if you want.”

“Nesta…”

“I just love this. You and him. I’ve never seen Azriel so happy and you just smile all the time. And, oh, it reminds me of Cassian. In the way that I can see ourselves reflected in you two, and I wonder if maybe if I hadn’t been so,” she gestured at her head, “you know, then I could have just been this happy from the start of us, with him, like you two. So I need you to know that if you want that, if you want him, I am so incredibly supportive and I will do anything you want if it means you get your happily ever after. Okay, I’m done.”

“Nesta.”

“And I also would just love to know how this all began. Like the secret little smiles and observations that I’ve had for as long as I’ve known you just changed one day. And I know you guys used to train alone sometimes and I know you were always here with him, and me and Cas but I can’t pinpoint when your friendship turned into this.” She paused and took a deep breath. “Sorry, I really am done now.”

“Are you sure?” Gwyn pinched her cheek lovingly, and Nesta swatted it away.

“Yes.”

Gwyn took a second to think about her words, and as nice and idyllic as they sounded, Gwyn wasn’t sure they were the truth.

“Nesta, we aren’t together.”

“What?”

“We have a…” Gwyn struggled to find the words. “Deal? Agreement?”

“A sexy agreement?”

Gwyn laughed. “No. Well, yes actually.” She launched into the story of how her and Azriel had started their bargain, detailing how Azriel had agreed to help her overcome her fear, and how much they practised towards her ultimate goal of sex. Gwyn also expressed how their closeness was something she treasured, as spending so much time together naturally led to a deepening in their friendship. Her face stained pink as she told her of some of the things they had done, but how, after over a month together, that hadn’t actually sealed the deal.

Nesta was silent the entire story, letting Gwyn speak her truth. She was contemplative over Gwyn’s words, not saying anything until she was done speaking.

“Before I say anything, I want to let you know how incredibly proud of you I am, and how much I support wanting to explore yourself and your sexuality. No matter what I say, I need you to know that.”

Well, that wasn’t a good start.

“I understand, Nesta.”

“Gwyn, do you love him?”

Gwyn took a deep breath. It was a topic she often pushed from her mind, unable or not wanting to broach the subject. “I don’t know.”

“It’s a yes or no, Gwyn.”

Gwyn shrugged her shoulders. “What if it’s a ‘I’m not sure because I so thoroughly blurred the lines between what was real and what I asked him to do to help me?’ What if it’s a ‘I don’t know if I could say it to him but if he said it to me, I would say it back in an instant?’”

“Do you know how he feels about you? Has he said anything?”

Gwyn shook her head. “I know we’re friends. I know he cares about me. I know he would do anything I asked of him. I know he must love me, in some way, but I don’t know if it’s love-love or platonic love.”

“And he’s never given any sort of indication of his intentions?”

Gwyn pondered how thoughtful he was, how detail oriented he was to her pleasure and how he was the best part of her day. And as she thought about it, about him, who was so caring and lovable and agreeable, and she realised that a lot of what he did for her – the comfort, the talking, the support – he would do for anyone.

“I’ve never asked.” Her breath shuddered, and Nesta put a hand to her cheek.

“Maybe you should.”

“What if he doesn’t feel the same way as I do? What if I’m just an obligation?”

“Oh, my love.” Nesta repositioned them so that Gwyn was lying down, her head in Nesta’s lap, as Nesta lovingly stroked her hair. It reminded Gwyn so much of what Catrin used to do that she couldn’t help the tears that started to shed.

“It’s better to know what you are to him. If it’s any consolation, I think he cares about you a great deal. Maybe even loves you. It’s hard to tell when he’s naturally so cold.”

He wasn’t cold, she wanted to say, he was the warmest person she knew. Instead, she cried, and she let Nesta comfort her like she always did.

***

A few days passed, and although Gwyn never left the House, her sexual relations with Az didn’t progress. Rather, they stopped altogether. He didn’t mind at all, he was just glad for her company. They talked and trained, and Azriel was surprised that somehow he could be even more impressed of her than before.

She also started doing what he called her ‘casual kisses.’

They would be doing something monotonous, like sorting weapons for training the next day, and she could kiss him as she walked by him. Or they would be sitting in bed reading, and she would lean over and brush her lips to his temple.

It became a game, who could casually kiss the other first if the opportunity arose, and it was the best game Az had ever played.

He felt himself looking forward to the nights even if the only touching they did was cuddling until they fell asleep in each other’s arms. Azriel wondered if this is what home felt like.

It was late, and Gwyn decided that she needed to return to the library before people started to question where she was. Az didn’t have the heart to tell her they already were.

“I had the most interesting conversation with Nesta the other day,” she said as they reached the door that would take her away.

“What about?”

Gwyn fiddled with her fingers, trepidation oozing from her.

“Are you okay?” he asked, worry starting to maw at him.

“I’m fine.” She turned to face him, and he took the opportunity to kiss her on her hairline. He loved the height different between them, it made him feel bigger than he was. “Nesta asked me about us. She has suspected for a while.”

He schooled his face into neutrality. As far as Gwyn knew, this was new information to him.

He hadn’t told her a word of what had happened between them and Rhys, and it would stay that way. All it would do was hurt her, and Azriel was serious when he said no harm would ever come her way from him. She did not need to know that Rhys was acting like a tool.

In more ways than one. Azriel didn’t need to read minds to know that Rhys was highly suspicious of them both. And more so, as much as it pained him to admit, how much Rhys disapproved. He wasn’t sure why, and he couldn’t bear to ask, but he had a good idea. Rhys, as much as he loved Az, must know that he would never be good enough for Gwyn. The idea had plagued him for days, and the only thing that drove away the dark thoughts were the casual kisses Gwyn would bestow upon him.

“How do you feel about that?” he asked her, snapping back to their conversation.

She shrugged. “At first I was worried, but now I’m actually kind of relieved.”

“Why were you worried?”

“You know, it’s weird. I had it in my head that if people knew I was on this mission to achieve some ultimate, empowering orgasm that they might judge me. But Nesta never would, and I felt like an idiot as soon as she looked at me and told me she knew we were,” she gestured between them, “touching.”

Az snickered. “Touching is one way to sum it up.”

“She asked me something I couldn’t answer.”

“What was that?”

“She asked me what we are.” She brushed her hands over his chest absentmindedly. “What I am to you.”

He clasped her hands and held them to his heart, trying to make her look at him when she was purposefully focusing on the floor.

“What did you tell her?”

“I told her the truth. That I don’t know what I am to you.”

“Gwyn…”

“I need to say something, and I beg you not to interrupt until I’m done.” She sniffled, and he hated the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.

She took a deep breath and wiped her tears away, facing him with steel. “I genuinely approached you with nothing but friendship in mind. I had a plan, to sleep with you once and then go back to how we always were before – me, as your overly competitive but absolute best student, and you as, as this God of a man that I could not believe even walked the same existence as me, let alone be someone I considered a friend. You were my ribbon Az. The thing I wanted to be as good as. And then you said yes to me. I didn’t expect you to. I half-thought you would laugh because you thought I was joking. But you didn’t, and you said yes, and I have made the grave mistake of developing feelings I swore to myself I wouldn’t.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but she put a hand over his mouth before he could.

“I had every intention of having sex with you until Nesta asked me what I was to you. And then I realised that if all I was to you was a proposition to uphold, I couldn’t do it. I can’t be with you just once. I can’t be just friends if we take that last step. So, Az, I’m asking you, and please don’t feel obligated to say anything you don’t feel, but what am I to you?”

He couldn’t breathe. His chest felt like his ribs were being ripped apart and then shoved back together until his lungs were caged too tightly. He knew what he wanted to say, that of course she was more than that, she was everything, but then he thought of her spirit being crushed by his inadequacies, and how she could do so much better now that she was ready to. She was pure, she was light, and she deserved more than his darkness.

He had been quiet too long.

Watching her was like watching a porcelain doll shatter after being dropped. Her face crumbled, and she pulled her hands away from him as she tried to contain herself.

“You’re my best friend.” He finally said, his own tears stinging at his eyes. “I can’t lose you.” Which he would, if she stayed with him and realised how truly broken he was.

A sob fractured her chest, and Az hated the way her voice sounded when she spoke. “You’re my best friend, too.”

And then they were kissing. It tasted like salt from their tears and was more passionate and heart-wrenching than any of the kisses they’d had before. They were drowning, their only hope at salvation one another as they clung to each other with all the strength they had.

Azriel didn’t want to let her go. He knew once he did that it would be over. His month of bliss, of final contentment, would be over. Part of him wished Nesta had never opened her mouth, or that he’d been able to tell the truth, but all of him wished that he was someone else, or that he was more like his brothers, so that he was good enough for her.

When they finally stopped kissing, it was not so she could leave. They still clung to each other, breathing in each other’s scents, well into the night.

When she whispered goodbye, part of his soul left with her as she walked away.

He lied to her by staying silent. He should have told her the truth, that what he was feeling went deeper than affection, maybe even deeper than love. But this lie protected her, and he would take it to his grave.

#acosf #fanfic #gwynriel #azriel #nessian #feysand #acotar #acomaf #acofas #acowar #sjm #sarahjmaas #tog #koa #emorie #mor x emerie

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flowerflamestars · 3 years

Note

How does Elain go from having to take a shot to be around Nesta at her lowest, siding with her abusers and telling Nesta she disregards her trauma while simultaneously doing the same thing (which btw pissed me off so bad, like Nesta didn't spend most of Acowar worrying about her) to her following Nesta to her Court? I did wonder if Feyre and her ever felt jealous about Nesta's bond with thr Valkyries, because at the end of the day, they are the people Nesta chose

God, I hate canon.

The short answer is that like so much of the Extremely Nonsense characterization in acosf, is that I'm overwriting it. I'm throwing it out.

The idea that Elain and Nesta's everything, when so much of their experience presents them as pair, a team, could be ONE-SIDED is just....enormously bad writing?

They're friends. They're each other's entire stable lifeline from their early teens on and that's Hard and Complicated but also so, so important.

The even longer answer is that the Elain is Bitchy but We Applaud conversation in acosf does not happen in Your Heart. She's complicit the pure trash intervention - which her and Nesta talk about! Elain made bad choices between panic and disassociation! Neither of them had the tools to help themselves, much less each other! ELAIN APOLOGIZES-

Because.

Because she didn't know.

Not the extent and not the whole shape of what was happening. It is in Rhysand's best interest to keep the Mega Powerful sisters a) down for the count and b) under complete control and it shows.

Separate, they're easier to handle. Manipulate. Keep in a way that pleases Feyre, but ALSO does not effect a very careful status quo.

Elain can deny a lot, busy right on the edge of breaking, keeping her hands busy while her heart is numb, while her mind is something she can't trust and it afraid of- but ultimately, even Elain snaps.

It’s exceptionally long coming. She misses Nesta. She knows she fucked up- Elain thinks everything she does at this point is fucking up- she knows she has no idea how to help- she knows Nesta has people who are helping-

But. Elain is her sister.

And I reject the idea that she has none of the Archeron stubbornness because she likes flowers.

Elain is trying to figure her shit out so that she can even face Nesta...and then Nesta is gone. Nesta is gone and NO ONE will tell Elain where she is. No one even seems worried, except for Azriel. Cassian is supposed to love her- if anything Feyre says is true- and he’s more busy cursing her name and destroying shit.

Elain’s sister is gone, could be in danger, and the IC vibe is...good riddance?

And then one day, over breakfast, Rhysand makes a joke about it. And Feyre laughs.

About Nesta dying out there.

Elain learned to be ‘nice’ because it gave her social lassitude, to smile at the right times and be quiet- Elain doesn’t say anything. She eats her breakfast. She grimaces down her shitty tea, because this house only ever serves Feyre’s favorites.

She goes upstairs and tries to see the future.

Elain’s magic is like a second self, feared and misunderstood inside her. A fugue state- but she writes herself notes. She doesn’t necessarily read them- Elain is afraid of what she sees, afraid of what the future might have to say about her- and Seer! Elain hides things.

(See the note Lucien references in chapter 1)

Because cognizant Elain is not stupid- she’s almost never allowed to be alone. There’s always Azriel. The wraths. Rhysand down the hallway.

But shoved in books and written in the same code they used to use as adolescents to talk about their governess, Elain had written about Nesta.

Nesta, alive. Nesta, free. Nesta, braver and stronger than Elain, who’d cast off a whole unfit destiny rather than hide.

And Elain is furious.

Feyre, dying. Nesta, threatened with death. Her mate, who Feyre won’t stop trying throwing her at- who is already married to someone else. Several someones else.

The future was not set, and the Night Court wasn’t safe.

Elain walks right out the front door. Goes to the garment district, lace of a gown she didn’t choose flapping around her, and buys a dress. Red- like blood, half-dried. Vanserra scarlet, realer than her dreams.

And when Morrigan finds her, muttering under her breath about babysitting, Elain will smile her most vacant smile and float along, allow herself to be brought back to Feyre’s huge, cold, house.

There was time to wait, but it wasn’t too late, and Elain wasn’t about to let there be a world where Nesta thinks she hates her.

#much like how I refuse to write Nesta as an apologist to her Shit Shit Shit Father #I also refuse to write Elain hating her #the girl power! you baby me talk?#could have been good #BUT WASN'T #Elain IS a mess and she knows it and that makes the spiral worse?#because Elain was raised To Always have it together #and she's having a magic crisis #and a lil sexuality crisis #and a BIG #WOW I HATE EVERYTHING HERE INCLUDING MYSELF crisis

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julemmaes · 4 years

Text

The Seven Of Us

Cassian and Nesta Archeron modern au - morning cuddles

A/N: THIS. WAS. HAARD. AS FUCK TO WRITE. BUT IT IS FLUFF. A LOT OF IT. AND IT’S FOR MY ONE AND ONLY GIRL, NINA. I LOVE YOU HONEY AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, I HOPE THIS DOES SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I APPRECCIATE YOU AND GUYS SEND PROMPTS FOR THIS AU CAUSE I’M ALREADY IMAGINING EVERYTHING POSSIBLE IN THIS UNIVERSE SO YEAH, ENJOY!!

Word count: 3,584

Nesta liked to sleep in late on the weekends. Especially on Sundays, when she was sure they wouldn't be busy and she could lounge in bed, under the comforter, without the dread of hearing her phone ring at any moment.

What Nesta didn't like was her insistent husband of no less than sixteen years caressing her bare side at an hour far too close to dawn after he'd had the audacity to keep her up all night for a good time.

"Cass." Nesta gave a first warning. She heard him chuckle behind her, but kept her eyes closed.

When the feather-light touch didn't stop tracing its path across her skin, tickling her side, she sighed, "Cass, stop."

She felt him move closer and the warmth radiating from his body was already starting to wrap around her. She could have fallen back asleep in half a second, but he had other plans. Her hand snapped to grasp his wrist and Cassian chuckled again, saying in a sleep-filled voice, "Sweetheart, you're squeezing too hard." with that he moved his fingers over her skin applying more pressure and up to her armpit, where she was particularly ticklish and Nesta jerked, accidentally making the back of her head collide with her husband's nose.

The reaction from both of them was instantaneous. Cassian grunted, turning away from her, bringing his hands to his nose, while Nesta whimpered, raising herself up on one elbow so she could glare at him.

He burst out laughing, trying not to make too much noise, but when he turned back around, his eyes were glazed with tears and he was rubbing the bridge of his nose, squeezing it between his thumb and forefinger.

Nesta felt a little guilty. But only a little.

"I get that you like pain, but I thought you'd be a little more forgiving after tonight," he joked in a muffled voice from his hand, with an amused glint in his eyes. Nesta knew there would be an arrogant grin under that hand, showing the purely male satisfaction for what they had done.

The frown on her face deepened, but her cheeks flushed nonetheless at the memory of him blocking her airways to prevent everyone from hearing her come for the umpteenth time even down the street.

After all, as he had reminded her several times during their little game that lasted hours and hours, they weren't alone in that house either. She still insisted after so many years on receiving those lonely and sacred hours together with her husband, and Cassian always told her that they both deserved it, that with all the work they did during the week, they needed to feel the hands of the other on their bodies without anything or anyone disturbing them. The fact that they had to take advantage of the nighttime hours between Saturdays and Sundays didn't mean they would ever give up sex.

Nesta pressed her lips together in a thin line, "I would have been more forgiving if you hadn't decided to wake me up by torturing me," she whispered.

Cassian made a bewildered face, chuckling softly, "I was giving you an under arm massage, no torture." he pretended not to understand. Then he moved his hand to her side once more, pulling her flush against him, and that cocky smirk appeared on his lips, "Although you didn't seem to mind the torture so much last night either. I don't see what the big deal is about doing it now."

He was teasing her and she knew it.

Nesta let her head fall forward, pushing her forehead against his chest now resigned that she would never sleep through that morning, "Please stop."

His other arm wrapped around her waist as well, pulling her even more until she was completely lying on top of him. Nesta pouted upon feeling that he'd put on his pajama pants and, casting a quick glance at her body from over her shoulder, she noticed she was wearing a tank top and underwear.

She turned around smiling shyly at Cassian, "Thank you for putting clothes on me."

It often happened that their recreational activities would end up exhausting her and she would fall asleep soon after, too tired to even slip into a pair of panties and t-shirt for the night.

He smiled back at her, "I would never want anyone to walk into the room and be traumatized for life by seeing us naked and tangled under the covers."

She looked away, beginning to trace the lines of his tattoos, "Although," she brushed one of his pecs with her lips, "right now I would love for you to be naked."

Her mouth left faint kisses and bites in the places she knew were sensitive, and as she began to slide lower, with a clear goal in mind, she felt Cassian catch his breath before releasing the air through his nostrils.

His hands began to caress her back, in a very different way from what he was doing a few minutes before, "We can't." he murmured with a longing voice, taking her hips and blocking her thrusting movements.

Nesta lifted her head, breathing irregularly despite the fact that they hadn't even come close to her goal, and when she met his gaze, she knew what he was thinking. She sulked again, groaning, "I just want to be able to have sex whenever I want, how long until all this shit is over?"

Cassian's chest jerked repeatedly beneath her as he laughed, "Legally speaking, in fourteen years, my love." he pulled her up until their noses were touching. He caressed her cheek, brushing her mouth with his, "Realistically, it'll never end."

Nesta shook her head, "I hate you when you use logic." she whispered, kissing him properly. His lips parted and he moaned against her when Nesta made their tongues collide.

They broke away suddenly when they heard a laugh coming from down the hall. Cassian cackled as he saw Nesta's terrified expression, "If you hadn't been so sure of yourself eleven years ago, the sex would only be three years away now," he murmured, hurrying to speak when the sound of three pairs of rushing feet began to echo throughout the house, getting closer and closer.

Huffing annoyed that Cassian was right again, she pulled herself up on his lap, pressing her hips against his just out of spite and he groaned, biting down on a fist and closing his eyes. She smiled in satisfaction, shifting from on top of him.

The second Nesta settled back into her side with her back against the headboard, the door swung open and three little girls came screaming in excitedly. A beaming smile spread across the woman's face as she opened her arms wide, ready to welcome her daughters.

"Mommy!"

"Dada!"

Andra, oddly enough, was the first of the group and was the first to reach the bed, but with her only four years of age, she was still too short to make it onto the bed and Cassian, who was smiling mischievously at her and was ready to get up and help her, thanked every saint in heaven for his third-born, Nora, when she pushed her onto the mattress.

Celia, the second of the girls, was already at Nesta's feet and was now climbing through all the blankets to reach her mom.

"Come here, Lia," Nesta said to her, extending a hand. The little girl's tiny fingers tightened around hers and then the two were hugging each other in a bone-crashing hug, "Good morning mommy." murmured the little girl. Nesta kissed her forehead over and over again.

Nora was still helping Andra to walk on that unstable ground when Cassian pulled himself up to sit down - too impatient to wait until they would get to him on their own - and grabbed them both by the waist, pulling them onto him. The two little girls burst out laughing immediately when their daddy started giving them the same attention their mother was giving Celia.

"I had the strangest dream daddy!" cried the oldest one.

Cassian's eyes lit up at those words and as Celia settled herself astride Nesta's legs and laid her head between her breasts, wrapping her hips with her short arms, Andra had managed to escape her father's grasp and was smiling at her mom. She extended her little hands toward her and Nesta reached out to take the latest addition to the Navarro-Archeron family as well and settle her behind her older sister on her lap, but not before showering her with kisses.

"Oh yeah?" asked Cassian, turning Nora around so that she was looking at the other three as well, "Nothing bad I hope." he joked, looking at them all quickly with a funny grimace on his face.

Celia giggled and Cassian's head snapped in her direction. His smile grew even bigger and Nesta suddenly remembered why she had asked her husband for a second child almost eleven years ago. And then another. And another. And another.

Because of that look the man of her life reserved for each and every one of their children.

"You didn't give me any kisses, cutie," he pointed out to her. Celia pulled away from Nesta's chest and leaned in just enough for Cassian to leave a kiss on her nose. When everyone was back in their seats, Nora nodded excitedly.

"We were supposed to have a competition," she began, "and I was in the group with Ezra, Lia, and Dad, while Andra, Mom, and Cal were on the other team."

Now that the commotion was over and no one was moving on the bed, Nesta could get a good look at them. All three of them had what they called the barely-awake-wig on and she felt like laughing, but she restrained herself because she knew full well that if she even made a sound, Nora would start over to tell the dream.

In the common language it could be translated into "my hair is so tangled and knotted that it looks like a bird's nest" and the sight of their three daughters entering their room every Sunday looking like a bunch of strays never ceased to put a smile on Nesta's face.

"...And then Ezra called these huge animals that flew though they had butterfly wings and of course we got there first." she said proudly, high-fiving Cassian who had just raised his hand.

Nesta shook her head, "I'm sorry honey I didn't get where we were going?"

Nora huffed annoyed, crossing her arms over her chest and wearing a twin expression to her own, "To Terrasen, Mom."

Cassian nodded beside her, giving her a faux-offended look, "Yes, Nes, to Terrasen of course."

"Sorry potato, mom's just really tired," she brushed a hand across her face, "because dad kept her up all night," Nesta reminded, widening her eyes slightly at her husband.

Celia pulled herself up sharply, knocking Andra off balance who was leaning over her and fell over Nesta's legs, "Did you have a sleepover?" squealed Celia.

Cassian chuckled, reaching out to grab Andra and the little girl smiled at him in amusement. She started crawling towards him and Nora, "I don't have a dream." stammered the littlest one.

"Me neither baby." said Cassian to reassure her as he sat her down between him and Nesta.

Celia waved her little hands in midair, risking hitting her mom in the face and getting everyone's attention, "Why do you guys always have sleepovers and we never get to?"

Nesta frowned, "What do you mean you never have them?" she asked in amazement, "You're always at Aunt Gwyn's and Uncle Azriel's house." he pointed out to her.

Celia shook her head, snapping her tongue against her palate, "Yes but we never have them with you." she pouted, "Can we have one tonight?" she asked hopefully. Nora and Andra began to nod frantically as well. "And let's watch the princess and the frog!"

"I don't think so," said a voice from the door, "We own the television tonight and we have to watch that new movie on Prime."

"Good morning guys." Nesta smiled affectionately at her two sons, both obviously just waking up with their eyes half closed, as they leaned on each other for support.

Cassian burst out laughing at his daughters' shocked expressions.

Celia was shaking her head indignantly and stood up on the mattress to retort to her brother.

Nesta already knew how this was going to end and casting a quick glance towards her husband, she knew Cassian was thinking the same thing.

"Noooo!" shouted Celia. Andra stood up in turn, keeping a small hand on Cassian's shoulder so she wouldn't risk falling. "The TV is ours."

Ezra yawned as he stepped forward into the room and sat down at the bottom of Nesta's feet, before falling face forward onto the mattress and muttering something incomprehensible.

Cal had remained standing next to the bed on his father's side and was looking at his sister with an equally combative expression, ready to defend his and his brother's TV night, "No, Celia," Cassian grimaced at the use of his full name, "It's Sunday and TV is ours to have. You girls got it last night."

"I want to have a sleepover!"

Cassian loved all of his children equally, but Celia's tone of voice was too high for her to be allowed to speak on Sunday mornings before ten o'clock and if he didn't intervene, that high-pitched squeal would turn into a cry and he knew it wouldn't take them even half a second to throw themselves at each other's throats.

Casting a quick glance at all the children, he saw that Andra seemed just as convinced as her older sister and Nora was sighing so frequently that it didn't take a genius to figure out that she, too, didn't want to hear them fight so early. Ezra seemed to have fallen back asleep with his head in his mother's lap and Cassian felt a surge of affection for his son.

They were the perfect family picture.

When Nesta had told him she'd gotten pregnant almost sixteen years ago, he hadn't believed it. They had only been married a few months and weren't exactly trying to have children. Not that they were taking precautions to avoid it, but it had been unexpected. He had cried at the prospect that in only nine months he would be a father.

Then Ezra had been born, his hair the same shade as his mother's and his gray eyes the exact copy of those of the woman he loved, and Cassian had fallen completely in love all over again. In love with that tiny little creature who already had so much power over him and who he would have died for without a blink. And he hadn't been able to stop himself from thinking that he wished he had more. That if Nesta wanted, they would give Ezra a brother or sister as soon as possible.

As he had held him for the first time, crying as if his life had just begun, Cassian had thought that the love he felt for his son was too much, that the feeling would overwhelm him one day if he didn't find a way to share it and give it to others. For that reason, when Nesta had announced her second pregnancy to him three years later, he had been relieved that he would finally be able to share his love for Ezra with a second child.

He'd been wrong.

Cal was born when Ezra was four and was the exact physical copy of his father. Dark eyes and hair the exact color of Cassian's and the love had only doubled and totally crushed him. He had become as much a slave to the feeling as an addict to the next fix.

Nesta had joked that they were finally even, one child each, a genetic copy of both of them, and for two years all had been calm. Cal and Erza were growing up as fast as any other child and to Cassian it seemed like life was perfect, complete.

He'd been wrong again.

Nora had arrived three years after Cal and Celia only the year after Nora and Cassian had cried for days. Crying in front of those beauties so pure. And they were his and Nesta's. It was he and Nesta who had given life to those little balls of black hair and dark eyes that jumped on their bed every morning, welcoming them into the world every day with love and affection.

However, Nesta had never seen Cassian cry as much as he did the day Andra was born.

Andra, the last of the girls in the entire family, even smaller than the children of their brothers and sisters, had been born only four years earlier, three years apart from Celia.

Nesta had been shocked to see Cassian's reaction when he had first held the baby girl in his arms. She had been seriously worried when his body had started to shake with sobs and she had had to beg him to tell her it was okay, to give her a sign that he wasn't about to die choking on his own tears.

Cassian had looked at her amidst the crying and smiled, sniffling, "She looks just like you."

At that point, even Nesta hadn't been able to hold back her tears and had joined him in the land of the hyper sensitive parents.

It was true. Up to that point, for ten years, only Ezra had acquired physical features from his mother. The other three, though from a character standpoint they were the farthest thing from their father there could be, were the exact physical copy of him. Cal, Nora, and Celia had been mistaken for twins more times than Nesta could remember.

And although Cassian saw his wife every time he looked at his children, especially their first child, when Andra had arrived, the resemblance had been such that he'd simply burst.

Now they were complete.

A frustrated scream interrupted his train of memories and he felt Andra's tiny hand squeeze his shoulder.

He focused all his attention on Celia, who was trying to climb over him to reach Cal with her arms stretched forward - surely intending to rip her brother's face off.

The son had a grin identical to the one Nesta had when she teased him, and he took a deep breath, thinking that no one would really blame him if he accidentally knocked all his kids off the bed.

A smack on the arm made him turn to Nesta, who was looking at him hard, "Either you stop dreaming about throwing your kids out of bed and make yourself useful by stopping the upcoming fight or next Saturday no sleepover for you." then, before he could retort by saying she could stop them just as easily, she pointed to her legs pinned down by the growing body of their fourteen-year-old son, who seemed completely undisturbed by the sisters' high-pitched screams as they circled Cal, "I'd do it, but I'm stuck."

Cassian sighed as he stood up, making his way through the three little girls who seemed to be chanting some satanic ritual and picked up his son, saving him from what would have been certain death. The boy wrapped his arms around his neck and smiled down smugly at his sisters.

"That's enough." he instructed in the authoritative tone that only a father could have, "We have three TVs in this house." then he turned to the three pink and white girls, each with an adorable pout on their faces, "Tonight it's Cal and Ezra's turn to use the one in the living room and I'm sure you can all watch whatever they choose together." he took a deep breath, "But just in case not, you can come over to mom and dad's big bed and watch the princess and the frog here, okay?"

Celia looked on the verge of tears, always the most temperamental of the five, but she nodded once.

Nora took her hand and told her to follow her to their room and Cal wriggled out of Cassian's grasp, following them silently. Surely in five minutes he would have to get up and split them up again, but he cared little as he scooped Andra up off the floor and lay down on the bed holding the little one in his arms.

Nesta was stroking Ezra's hair absentmindedly and looking at him with such feeling in her eyes that Cassian only realized an in later that he had spoken.

"I love you, too," she replied, looking up at him from under her lashes.

Andra flapped her small hands laughing, "Me too."

Cassian looked at her smiling widely, "Come here baby."

The little girl burst out laughing, begging her daddy to let her go and Ezra stretched, extending one arm towards his mom and the other towards his dad.

He looked confused when he opened his eyes, but grunted something gibberish and closed them again soon after.

Nesta's hand stopped in his hair, "What did you say love?"

Ezra pulled himself up on his elbows, looking at her with eyes bright with amusement and Cassian knew immediately that whatever was going to come out of his mouth, he wasn't going to like it.

"Next time you have a sleepover, remember to close the window as well."

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