#followed by me posting illustrated versions two weeks later

[butchsophiewalten]

can we hear more about YES? wha happened 👀

There's been a new Findjackwalten update! From what I can tell, this one alters one page (or two depending on how you count it) and adds one new one.

The main page has been updated: https://www.findjackwalten.com/

it strongly resembles the '/copia-de-nueva-pagina' page we discovered back in July, which now, in fact, redirects to it. The old homepage, /cyberfuntech82, is now a completely blank webpage.

Some images have been added to the new landing page that did not exist on the old /copia-de-nueva-pagina page, like the Cyberfun Tech poster we saw Martin post in his community tab is what I believe was May of last year? And three as yet unseen images of Little Bon, Little Bon and Little Sha, and then of the animatronic Bon. There's a fourth image not visible in this screenshot, of the exterior of Bon's Burgers (the same shot of it we seen in TWF1).

Clicking on the "JOB OFFER" image leads to a new webpage, findjackwalten.com/caretakerlibrary.

This page contains a greyed-out version of the banner from the homepage, a large greyed-out version of the mounted buck's head known for being on findjackwalten.com/jackwalten, and a picture of someone we can assume, thanks to later context, is named Richie. It looks like the background illustration of an anthropomorphized family of rabbits is still on this page, it's just mostly hidden by the other page assets. Something interesting to note about this page is that all of its images are actually in regular full color, the page just puts a black & white filter over them. It's thanks to that we can have this regular, full-color image of Richie.

This page claims to be a "Caretaker Audio Archive", which seems to be the same archive Brian mentioned in TWF1, when he mentioned being asked to record himself during his job "for the archives". It contains two pieces of audio attributed to an "R.", who worked for BSI between 1974 and 1975. It refers to him also as the "Night Shift CARETAKER A".

The first piece of audio, titled "richie 1" is dated 05-23-74, or the 23rd of May, 1974. I've transcribed it as follows, but this is pretty rough: Hey there! Its your, uh, it's your coworker Richie from uh, B-Uh, BSI. Uh, Felix probably mentioned me to you before, I-uh-I don't believe we've actually, yknow, met face-to-face before, but I-uh, look forward to working with you! Uh, so, uhm. Yeah, uh! I work the, uh, I work the- I'm working the night shift at the moment. Uh, and, uh, [UNINTELLIGIBLE] uhm, sorry you're not in any, uh, trouble or anything, heh. Uh-m just- saying hi. It's uh, company policy, all employees gotta, like, know each other so we can work more efficiently, I guess. I dunno. Uh, from what I've heard I take it you've been working here quite a while, right? Uh, summer job? Same here! Uh, so uh, where was I? Hmm.. Ah- uh, some notes from last week's shift, uhm, the arcade machines should be on their way by Tuesday, I think? We uh, we made a call with Starleys, uh, now they're going to be doing the installations themselves, so you don't gotta worry about that anymore. Just try and keep [UNINTELLIGIBLE] and plus, you now owe me a favor! Nah, just kidding. Uhh, so! Tech supervisor asked us to present the documentation of the animatronics' state by tomorrow! So, uh, yeah, better get that out of the way soon. And, uh, huh! I guess that's it. Ahh- sorry, and uh, one more thing, uh, I think we'll, uh, yknow, properly meet on, uhm, Thursday! I think. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] a tour of the installations. And, not-not the ones that smell like tobacco. The other one. So, uh, yeah, uh, see you there!

The second audio, titled "richie 2", is dated 06-18-74, or the 18th of June, 1974. This is, very notably, a week after Jack Walten's disappearance. I've transcribed it as follows: Hey, uh, just wanted to update you on everything that's been going on the past few days. So, uhh, for starters I got paid the extra hours for last week, so that's nice. Uhmm, right, uh, right. So, uh, did you get the memo, or whatever? Apparently the lockdown was because of some infestation or something? Yknow, like, bugs? Heh. So just a heads up if you feel kinda- smell chemicals and whatnot. Uhh, what else, what else, what else? Right, uh, right- so here, from next week onward, all animatronics will be cleaned and checked by authorized personnel. Nobody else is allowed- sorry- Nobody else is permitted to go near them until further notice. So, that's one less thing to worry about with our jobs, right? Uhhh, right- ah, oh right, uhm. Don't come to work on Monday. They're doing one more big cleanup to make sure there's no bugs crawling around or whatever. We, uh, we wouldn't really want our customers eating a beetle sandwich, yknow? Haha, sorry- hmm. Uhh, yeah! That's all for tonight. If you see any bugs in the next few days, just like, wack 'em with a newspaper or somethin'. You'll be fine. Anyways, uh, see ya around! Take care! Bye!

A very notable peculiarity with this is that the second audio sounds very... dank? Like it's being recorded in a cave? I have absolutely no idea what this means.

[tc-doherty]

Hi! I think I saw it mentioned that you publish your novels - can you share where? I'd love to check them out.

Sure!

As of last year, I own an indie publisher named Fabler which I co-run with @emilyoracle

The 1st volume of Dragon's Daughter as well as the 1st volume of her novel NEON TIGER are both on the Patreon right now! Dragon's Daughter should have a print edition coming out early next year. That's just delayed because my illustrator dropped out and I had to find a new one so unfortunately the print edition won't be coming out as quickly as it should have. (NEON TIGER should be in print later this year)

Previously I had published The Ghost (many years ago now) through a different publisher, but I want everything to be under the same label, so an updated version of that will start going up on the Patreon on October 6th with an updated print edition to follow.

When The Ghost goes live in October we're also going to be turning on one week free trials if you want to wait to check us out then ^__^ although the first chapters of the other two are both free to read right now.

You can find the Patreon here and we also have a tumblr which isn't as active as it should be but where we do post all major announcements. You can find that here

My recent poll was also partially to help me decide what order to publish things in for the future~

[thebuckblogimo]

The day the Polish music died for 2 minutes and 58 seconds.

March 26, 2024

When I was a kid back in the '50s, my friends and I experienced a lot of "unsupervised play," something I don't think children get enough of these days. I'd like to tell you a story that illustrates the concept and what it may have meant for us later in life. First, let me set the stage...

It was the summer of 1956. I was nine years old and had just completed the third grade. My Dad, in his late 30s, was active in the Vincent J. Bieneik VFW Post in Detroit, as were most of his buddies who had returned home from World War II.

In those days the VFW held an annual picnic "out in the country" at the now defunct New Liberty Park, which, as best as I can recall, was somewhere south of Detroit Metroplitan Airport.

New Liberty Park was set up for summer time fun. Like several other outdoor venues of that era, it had an open-air pavilion, including a huge dance floor and stage for live music; separate open-air buildings for the sale of beer, soft drinks, hot dogs, potato chips and ice cream; and acres of parking in a wooded area that afforded an early version of tailgating.

My two sisters and I always looked forward to the VFW picnic. My mother would fill a wooden picnic basket with sandwiches and cookies, and pack Vernors ginger ale and Faygo pop. We couldn't wait to get there and compete in the water balloon toss, three-legged races and other games. One year the three of us swept the foot races for our respective age groups and caused a stir as parents complained about "that family that wins everything." Another year I was thrilled to hold a winning ticket for one of the VFW raffle prizes--an electric can opener.

My Dad was always involved with the picnic's planning committee. He and his VFW pals would smear grease paint on their faces, dress up as clowns and rent a trailer to haul a polka band through the Polish neighborhoods of Detroit to publicize the picnic. Also, he had been a childhood friend of Johnny Sadrack, who became a popular Polish band leader during the '50s and '60s, and my Dad recruited the group to play at the picnic.

There were outdoor speakers affixed to poles and buildings on the grounds at New Liberty. My Dad would bring a box of 78 rpm records from his collection--polkas and obereks--and play them on a turntable, rigged up to the speakers around the park, before the band began to play and in between its sets.

My brother Mark was born in February of 1956, and when it came time for the picnic that year he was only a few months old. So my Mom and sisters stayed behind--although I think my sisters came out later that afternoon with my Uncle Chester and Auntie Connie--while my Dad let me tag along in the morning when he drove to the park to set up for the carloads of people that were expected to line the gate on a picture-perfect day.

His plan was to turn me loose at New Liberty, load me up with enough money to buy tickets for pop, ice cream and potato chips, and let me roam the park while he did his thing.

I had a plan, too.

By 1956, artists such as Elvis Presley, Chuck Berry, Little Richard and Buddy Holly had burst onto the scene and helped to revolutionize the popular culture with a new genre of music called rock 'n' roll. During the winter of that year the first "kid group" recorded "Why Do Fools Fall In Love?" by the Teenagers, featuring 13-year-old Frankie Lymon. I was hooked instantly by their sound. I bought the 45 at the neighborhood record shop and played it incessantly on my parents' "hi-fi." I soon started hanging out at the store--unsupervised--flipping through the record bins every week, and in the spring I was elated to discover that the Teenagers had released their follow-up recording, "I Want You To Be My Girl."

The record shop was sold out of the 45 version when I was ready to buy. However, they had a bunch on the 78 format. Feeling desperate to own the record and play it any time I wanted, I purchased the platter.

On the morning of the picnic my Dad gathered up his things, including his collection of polka records, and off we went to the park. I packed some things too--a rubber ball, a couple comic books and my prized possession, "I Want You To Be My Girl," and stashed them in the trunk of my Dad's classic, tri-color (pink, black and white) '56 Chrysler New Yorker St. Regis.

When we arrived at New Liberty, my Dad fired down a quick shot and a beer with his pals and went to work on getting things set up. Sure enough, he immediately hooked up the turntable to the speaker system and loaded it with a "stack of shellac." I went off on my own, exploring the woods, where I could clearly hear the music from the pavilion, while VFW members packed the coolers with beer and dry ice.

In the early afternoon, the band started playing Polish music at the pavilion. By now there were picnickers everywhere in the park, shuffling back and forth from their cars to the dance floor. From a wooden bench along the walls in the pavilion I sat alone and watched the dancers put down their moves.

I also watched for my opportunity.

Sure enough, after the band concluded its first set and the dancers went outside to take a break, my dad put on a stack of Polish records and the music again played throughout the park. I waited, watched and listened as the first group of tunes finished playing. Then someone put on another stack and the music continued.

I prepared to make my move.

I slid over to the turntable just inside the pavilion, carefully raised the stack of records from the spindle, pulled my 78 out from under my t-shirt, slipped it into the pile of records, put them back on the spindle, and returned to my seat on the bench.

A few minutes later I could hear, loud and clear, the distinctive bass voice of 17-year-old Sherman Garnes on the song's intro, blasting all over New Liberty Park: "Bay, bay, bay, bay bom, doo bee, do wop..." Then the Teenagers' three back-up singers fell in: "Bom dee doo wop bom doo bee doo wop bom dee doo..." And, finally, out poured the silky smooth boy soprano of Frankie Lymon: "Oh, oh, oh, oh...oh, oh, oh, oh...I love you baby and I want you to be my girl...Well, c'mon baby let's go down town..."

I recall watching the faces of people clogging the real estate between the pavilion and beer hut as the Teenagers sang. Truthfully, few people seemed to react to what was playing over the speaker system. Mostly they kept doing what they were doing--eating, drinking, talking, laughing, sweating. Did they like the song? Or not? Did they notice that something other than Polish music was playing? Or not? Someone surely noticed, I thought, and so I sat there feeling proud that I had introduced my music to the old people at the picnic.

I wasn't thinking about whether I had done anything wrong that day. I didn't feel as though I had played a prank. I was simply on a child's mission to share with my parents' generation how the music made me feel inside. If I had asked for permission to do it, I'm sure I would have been told no. So I just did it.

That's the sort of attitude most of my friends and I grew up with. We were learning right from wrong every day at home, to be sure. At school, we considered the discipline imposed by the nuns as over the top. So we were always trying to outsmart them. It was like a game we played every day.

Meanwhile, no one held our hands as we walked to school. Rarely were we driven to school. There were no school busses. There were only busses operated by the DSR (Departement of Street Railways). Our parents never seemed particularly concerened when we rode one--unchaperoned--to Briggs Stadium for a Tigers game. Nor did they seem to worry much when we rode our bikes 15 miles or so to Belle Isle.

As I said, we experienced a helluva lot of childhood independence in those days. Which sometimes resulted in consequeneces for our actions, while encouraging responsibility.

If you threw a buddy's gym shoes through an open garage window on the way home from basketball practice, well, the next day you had knock on the homeowner's door and ask for permission to retrieve them.

And if you fell through a plaster ceiling while playing in the attic of a "new house," you had to make some quick decisions. Hide? Run? Or face the music? Big decisions for a kid.

It makes me feel uncomfortable that nine- and ten-year-olds today are rarely allowed to walk a couple blocks to the store to buy candy. It bothers me when I hear about kids who aren't allowed to go to the park alone until they're 13 or 14.

I admit that there's lots of bad stuff going on in our world these days. But with the bombardment of 24-hour news that we endure every day on our computers, phones, TVs, radios, etc., I think the bad stuff often gets overly publicized. I don't think that things are nearly as bad on some of the the streets of our cities, suburbs and towns as they are depicted to be.

Practically every kid in my class, as well as those in the classes ahead and behind me, turned out to be darn resilient peoiple. Many of them worked to pay their own way through college during the '60s. Others, as 18- and 19-year-olds, faced up to the draft with amazing courage during the Vietnam War years. In the '70s, we rocked it hard and faced the consequences of drug and alcohol abuse.

But I think we were prepped well to handle the issues we would face because we were brought up with a reasonable blend of supervision and autonomy. And in the end, but for a few, life worked out pretty well.

Allowing for a degree of common sense and reasonableness, it seems to me that it would do children good today to occassionally experience unsupervised play and less programming. I just don't think that every hour of a kid's summer day has to be filled with music lessons, travel ball, play practice and foreign language drills. The time that kids spend on internet-connected devices is what should be heavily monitored.

Kids need time to be kids. So they can experience the lessons that come with things like sneaking music into their parents' playlist or falling through a plaster ceiling.

[spectraspecs-writes]

I keep imagining my girlfriend posting future wedding pics to tumblr with David Tennant’s face photoshopped over my own due to my strict no face policy

[shelovescontrol91]

Between a starring role in Cinderella, live performances, and a forthcoming album, it would appear things are business as usual for Camila Cabello. But there’s a difference: Before the pandemic her work was leaving her drained, anxious, and insecure. Now she’s found a way to be a pop star on her own terms, and everything—from the music to her relationship with her body—has fallen into place.

By mid-September, Camila Cabello was feeling burnt out. In the span of three days she had performed at the MTV Video Music Awards, attended the Met gala with boyfriend Shawn Mendes, and shot the first-ever global cover for Glamour. So when she finally returned home to Miami, rest wasn’t just desired—it was essential.

But rehearsals for New York’s Global Citizen Festival loomed. Before jumping back into pop star mode, Cabello put on a yellow bikini and headed to the beach for two hours of blissfully uninterrupted downtime. She sank into a chair and cracked open a book, her favorite pastime. The salty air enveloped her; waves crashed in the distance. This is why she lives in Miami, her hometown, as opposed to a showbiz hub like Los Angeles: more privacy.

Or so she thought. Somehow the paparazzi found out where she was for those 120 minutes. She didn’t see them at first, but there they were, snapping away.

“I didn’t consent to those pictures,” she tells me over Zoom, camera off as she drives in Miami. (At one point she says to someone on the road, “Why are you honking at me, bro?”) “I got my period on the beach. I’m in a bikini and on my period, so I don’t know if I have a fucking period stain and that’s going to be everywhere. I didn’t sign up for anybody to be taking pictures of me in a bikini.”

Cabello has developed methods for dealing with invasive situations like this. She’s had to. The 24-year-old—born in Cuba, raised in Miami—has been in the public eye since 2012, when she competed on The X-Factor. She auditioned as a solo artist but was later matched with four other girls to form the pop group Fifth Harmony. They released two albums before Cabello embarked on her own—and achieved mind-boggling fame. Her singles “Havana” and “Señorita” (with Mendes) topped the charts worldwide. She’s earned three Grammy nominations, become a face of L’Oréal, and tried her hand at not just acting but starring in a feature film: this year’s Cinderella remake on Amazon Prime. Her third studio album, Familia, is due out later this year.

By all accounts it’s a lot. Careerwise it’s the closest things have felt to prepandemic times, when she was working constantly, arguably to an exhausting degree. As COVID-19 shutdowns went into effect last March, Cabello was able to realize just how tired she was.

“I by no means am trying to complain,” she says, “but it was such a thing of, ‘I have to get onstage tomorrow and I’m performing at this big thing,’ or whatever. ‘I want to do a good job. How do I do that when I feel nervous?’ I did this without being like, ‘Am I even happy right now? Do I even feel healthy?’ I didn’t have the space to ask myself those questions. I’m still working a ton now, but after quarantine I’m able to be like, ‘You know what? Right now I’m just not happy. I need to change something.’”

Therapy helped her see the changes she needed to make. Cabello tells me she’d experimented with therapy before the pandemic, but it was always situation focused—quick fixes to help her tackle the next performance or songwriting session. But with time at home, she dug deeper: “Because I wasn’t stressed about all the things I needed to do the next day, I was able to slow down and have enough stability to look at my stuff.”

Cabello doesn’t expand on what that “stuff” is. She does, however, explain why she decided to switch therapists as her internal work continued. “I wasn’t feeling like I was progressing in the areas I wanted to progress,” she says. “But when I switched, I found I was able to apply what they said in a way that benefited my mental health.”

One lesson she’s learned is the power of saying no. Two hit albums under her belt give Cabello the freedom to do things her way. Now she always has one day off a week, minimum. And when time came to start work on Familia, she forwent the standard pop music factory for a more intimate approach. The new album was made with just a handful of collaborators she could be open with. If Cabello was feeling anxious or nervous in a session, she had the space to address it. As a result, she says, it’s her best work yet.

“It’s the most grounded and calm I’ve ever been making an album,” she says. “I worked with people I wanted to have dinner with, and I was like, ‘I’m not going to write every single day for months, but write a few days a week and have time to gather experiences and be a human being.’”

Shawn Mendes is one of the people she’s gathering experiences with. The two singers confirmed their relationship in September 2019, and they’ve been tabloid magnets ever since. Everything from their laughably slow pandemic walks to their kissing style is dissected with a fine-tooth comb. A clip of them getting ready for the Met gala went instantly viral.

Cabello tells me she and Mendes try to avoid the social media chatter about their relationship, but it inevitably seeps in. “When stuff that’s negative is out there, it’s going to get to you,” she says. “So yeah, that’s very, very challenging. I feel like it’s another thing therapy has been really helpful for.”

Mendes goes to therapy too. While Cabello says she and Mendes haven’t done couples therapy—though she’d be open to it—they very much work on their mental health together.

“For better, for worse, we’re very transparent with each other. I think that’s why we can trust each other so much, because it’s a very 3D human relationship,” she says. “I’ll be venting or ranting about something, and he’ll be like, ‘Have you talked to X about it?’ And I’ll be like, ‘No. I’ve got to do a session.’ And he’ll do the same thing to me. I think even just the language of being like, ‘Hey, I’m sorry that I’ve been distant with you or snappy with you. I’m just struggling and I’m feeling kind of anxious.’ That level of transparency really helps a lot.”

Mendes echoes Cabello’s thoughts. “Camila and I give each other an extreme amount of patience and understanding,” he tells me via email. “I think the truth is that when you’re struggling with mental health, it turns you sometimes into the version of yourself that you don’t like to be—and kind of loving and accepting your person through that, and being there for them through that, is life-changing. We give each other so much space and understanding and patience.”

A behind-the-scenes VMAs story perfectly illustrates this. When Cabello was nervous meeting new people at an after-party, she caught herself leaning on a habit she’s trying to break. Mendes helped her through it.

“I have this pattern of eating a lot when I’m anxious or uncomfortable,” she says. “It’s a comfort thing for me. I’ll just kind of become unconscious and zombie-eat a lot, and then I’ll feel sick. I’ve told Shawn about that. So at the VMAs party, I was like, ‘I’m doing it.’ And he was like, ‘It’s okay. You’re doing it. That’s okay. Let’s just take a breath and not do that.’ It’s really good for me to be able to talk about my patterns with someone.”

Food and body image are two things that have really been on Cabello’s mind this year. A July TikTok she posted shutting down body-shamers racked up 4.8 million likes. “Being at war with your body is so last season,” she says in the video, which she posted after photos of her running in Los Angeles made the rounds online.

That mantra is true, sure, but it’s easier said than done. Even Cabello has difficulty following it. She braced herself for what she might feel when those aforementioned bikini pics went live: “I need to work out. I need to eat better.” “Not that those things are bad,” she says. “But maybe I wouldn’t think about them as much if there weren’t people taking pictures of me.”

It’s not just the paparazzi who ignite moments of self-doubt. Cabello tells me about a time she was exercising with her trainer, Jenna Willis—who’s great, she says—and feeling insecure. “She’s the same height as me, and I was kind of comparing myself to her, because she is a lot skinnier than I am,” she recalls. “I was just like, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been working out and I look better, right? I look better, right?’”

It’s Willis who helped silence those voices in Cabello’s head, reminding her that how she feels is more important than appearances; that life is about balance and enjoying food. These are health philosophies we’ve all heard—but when you’re Camila Cabello and millions are picking apart your beach photos, it’s hard to tune out the noise. Now when she’s feeling down on herself, she just turns her phone off and goes outside.

“When I’m having negative thoughts about my body, that’s actually when I’ll want to binge-eat cookies, and then I have a stomachache,” she says. “It’s this weird psychology: The more I love my body, the more I actually want to take care of it…. As long as I’m healthy and working out and feel good, that’s the best I can do. There’s no point in trying to have another kind of body.”

By this point in our conversation, Cabello’s made it to her destination. When I ask if she’ll have time to chill and decompress, she says, “To be honest, not yet, but I will after this weekend.” There’s a calmness in her voice when she says this—a stillness, a readiness. She seems perfectly prepared for what lies ahead: album promo, performances, and undoubtedly more scrutiny about her body, her relationship, her everything. But she’ll be fine, because just around the corner is a day off. That’s nonnegotiable.

“It’s important to be on top of not just what’s making you sad or anxious, but also what’s giving you joy,” she says. “I want to be happy and enjoy my life. That’s kind of it.”

[twh-news]

To land ‘Loki,’ Kate Herron had to pull out all the stops. How she won over Marvel

As a teenager, Kate Herron was obsessed with the “Lord of the Rings” films.

In particular, she recalls heading to theaters repeatedly with friends who shared her passion to see “The Two Towers” (2002), the second installment in director Peter Jackson’s trilogy based on J.R.R. Tolkien’s epic fantasy novel. She even wrote “Lord of the Rings” fan fiction.

“It was very silly,” the British filmmaker insists, revealing that one of her stories saw the heroic Fellowship traveling through a magical fountain and getting trapped in New York. “Honestly, I was just writing the stories to make my friends laugh. I guess it was kind of that first foray for me: ‘How do I tell a story?’”

Years later, Herron is again involved in telling a story about a protagonist displaced from the world he knows. But this time, her audience is much bigger.

Herron, 33, is the director of “Loki,” the Marvel Studios series that follows the adventures of the titular god of mischief after he has been plucked out of time by an agency charged with maintaining the sanctity of the timeline. Thus, the six-episode series, which premiered earlier this month on Disney+, features a slightly different version of Loki than the fans of the Marvel Cinematic Universe have grown to love since his first appearance in “Thor” (2011) through “Avengers: Endgame” (2019).

“I love villains,” says Herron during a recent video call from Atlanta, where she is putting the final touches on “Loki.” “I think that if a villain’s done right, you don’t necessarily have to like their actions, but you have to understand them. And I think that Tom [Hiddleston], in the last decade, has brought such empathy and wit and pain to a very real character for so many people. I just wanted to be part of whatever [Loki’s] next chapter was going to be.”

The series, on which the self-described Loki fan also serves as an executive producer, is Herron’s highest-profile project to date. Her previous credits include directing on Netflix’s “Sex Education,” as well as “Five by Five,” a series of short films executive produced by Idris Elba.

While growing up in South East London, Herron never considered filmmaking as a career. Her love of movies manifested as the aspiration to become an actor, and she often goaded her peers into putting on plays or making movies using a friend’s father’s camcorder. It wasn’t until some astute and encouraging teachers at Herron’s secondary school pointed out that she seemed more interested in storytelling that she changed course.

By introducing Herron to new texts, these teachers — as well as a film studies class that covered films directed by Stanley Kubrick and Akira Kurosawa — helped expand her perspective.

“I just didn’t know that you could have a voice and an authorship over a film, which probably sounds a bit silly. But I just hadn’t really thought about films in that way,” says Herron. Soon enough, she was on the path to film school at the University for the Creative Arts in Farnham, England, where she graduated with a degree in film production.

Herron laughs as she remembers how she believed she would just go off and find work in film straight out of school. “Obviously that did not happen,” she says.

With no post-graduate roadmap (or job offer) to help her break into the industry, Herron eventually started writing and directing short films with “no money” while juggling a day job as a temp. Both experiences provided Herron with material for “Loki,” which introduces a new bureaucratic agency called the Time Variance Authority to the MCU.

“I’ve worked at a lot of random places, which weirdly has influenced ‘Loki’ in some ways because we have this office culture kind of running through it,” says Herron. “I’ve worked in a lot of offices.”

In order to give the retro-futuristic offices of the TVA “a real lived-[in], breathed-in office” feel, Herron incorporated details that viewers could recognize from the real world — from paper files to the posters on the walls — and gave them a fantastical twist befitting the superhero series.

“One of the most exciting things to me about Kate is she has this amazing attention to detail,” says “Loki” co-executive producer Kevin Wright. “That was something that we saw on her very first pitch [and] it works its way into every frame of the show. Every monitor, every piece of paper in the TVA … she has looked over and approved everything you see.”

In an email, “Loki” star Hiddleston described Herron as “a dream collaborator” who possesses “a unique combination of extraordinary diligence, stamina, energy, respect and kindness.”

“Her affection for and understanding of Loki was so deep, profound and wide-ranging,” Hiddleston wrote. “She built a new world for these characters to play in with incredible precision, but she was also acutely sensitive to their emotional journey.”

Herron’s affinity for outsiders is apparent throughout the course of our conversation. There is of course her love for Loki — the heir to the king of Frost Giants raised as the prince of Asgard who has become one of the MCU’s most beloved villain-turned-antiheroes. Herron’s first introduction to the world of Marvel as a kid was through “X-Men: The Animated Series,” about the superhero team with mutant powers that set them apart from average humans. Herron cites Lisa Simpson — the overachieving, opinionated middle child from the animated sitcom “The Simpsons” — as the reason she is a vegetarian who can play the saxophone.

And although Herron describes herself as shy, it’s no match for the passion she brings to discussing film and television.

She calls Wes Anderson’s 2001 film “The Royal Tenenbaums,” co-written by “Loki” actor Owen Wilson, “a perfect movie.” In addition to being obsessed with “The Simpsons,” Herron gravitated toward genre shows such as “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” the updated “Battlestar Galactica” and “The X-Files” when growing up.

As Herron enthusiastically dives into “Loki’s” influences — which include “Alien” (1979), “Blade Runner” (1982), “Brazil” (1985), “Metropolis” (1927) and, yes, even “Teletubbies” — it’s easy to see why Wright knew she was the right person to bring “Loki” to life from their very first meeting.

Upon learning that Marvel was developing a show about Loki, Herron tasked her agents with calling Marvel every day until they would meet with her. And it worked.

“I was just so excited that somebody was chasing the project,” says Wright. “Which sounds crazy, that Marvel would be excited somebody’s chasing us. But it was the early days of us trying to get this Disney+ streaming stuff off the ground, so people were very hesitant … they didn’t know what it was yet.”

Herron’s enthusiasm for the show landed her a video meeting with Wright and executive producer Stephen Broussard. Believing it might be her only shot at the project, Herron came armed with so many stills and clips to illustrate her discussion of the scripts she’d been sent that a simple meet-and-greet turned into a four-hour conversation.

“Over the course of the next week or so,” Wright explains, “it was really figuring out how to set Kate up to succeed when we got her in front of Kevin Feige to pitch this.”

Herron put together a 60-page bible of ideas for the characters, the story, the visual references and more. The rest is Marvel history.

She learned not to wait for permission, she says, after graduating from film school and becoming involved with improv and stand-up to both develop her comedy chops and to meet funny collaborators to be in her short films.

“I think I’d always find excuses, almost, [to not do it],” says Herron. “It was that thing of being like, ‘Oh, well, I’m not ready. So I’ll wait. I’ll wait until I’m perfect at it and then I’ll go do it.’”

Taking inspiration from Robert Rodriguez’s “Rebel Without a Crew” and a SXSW keynote speech by Mark Duplass, Herron realized that she just needed to start making things. She told herself it was OK if the films were messy. If a short was bad, nobody had to see it. If a short was “halfway to good,” she would submit them to festivals.

It’s this tenacious creativity that connects the dots between her early fan fiction, her short films, her pitch presentations — and now “Loki” itself. It’s a trait that has helped her navigate the industry to her current success, even during the periods it’s been most frustrating. As a female director, “I got asked crazy stuff in interviews sometimes,” she says of life on the festival circuit. “I remember being asked, ‘Are you sure you’re ready? Are you sure you’re ready?’ And male colleagues of mine were never asked that in interviews. I think that’s probably why I was so driven to just go out and make stuff.”

[sailorspazz]

10 Dance Vol. 6 Special Edition overview

Volume 6 of the 10 Dance manga was released in Japan on March 18th, 2021. As with volumes 4 and 5, there are both regular and special editions available. In this post, I will provide an overview of the release, including observations on changes that were made to the chapters compared to how they were printed in the magazine, plus summaries and select scans of content from the special edition booklet.

It is often the case that when chapters come out in the manga magazines, they aren't always fully polished, and since I became highly familiar with this run of chapters from the summaries I made, several things immediately jumped out at me as I went through the book. First of all, though chapter 29 was split into two parts and released in subsequent months in the magazine, these two halves were combined into one chapter, with no indication they had ever been separate. I assume that they were always intended to be one chapter, but since the full chapter was not completed before the deadline (and it was a month when 10 Dance was being given the cover image, so not possible to delay its release), it was simply split over two months instead.

For visual changes, the most common alteration was scenes that originally had little or no screentone having it added in:

There were also some instances of either slight panel redraws, or complete replacements with new panels. None of these were from particularly important scenes, so it could just be Inouesatoh or someone on her team didn't like the look of the original panels and wanted to change them. The following example has a bit of both, with Suzuki in the upper left corner being replaced, and his eyes being redrawn in the lower panel:

Personally, the most amusing addition I noticed was when Max was thinking about throwing a party. Originally, we didn't see what he was envisioning, but in the volume, an addition has been made in the background: the New Year's piece Inouesatoh drew with sexy men dressed as cows, except now they're bunnies!

As for dialogue, it appeared to be almost the same in both versions throughout. Some minor exceptions include a spot I found where the dialogue was put in a different order, swapping Sugiki’s lines between this panel and his first line on the following page (in addition to another altered panel example):

As well as in this shot of Suzuki describing how they tug at the thread that connects them through their dance. Whereas before it put the word “dance” next to the part about tugging on the thread to specify what was meant by that, it was deleted in the volume. And while it was originally described as “affirming that we’re connected”, this was also tweaked a bit to be, “affirming our connection”.

There were a couple instances of character names being different from when they appeared earlier in the story. In this volume, two characters who were last mentioned back in volume 2 (Lucas Calvo, one of the champions at the table in Blackpool, and Deeks, who Ernie said hated Sugiki because he "stole" his girlfriend), either from typos or intentional changes, weren't the same as before. Lucas' last name was written with a 'g' sound (ガルボ) instead of a 'c' (カルボ), and this change carried over to the volume. On the other hand, Deeks' (ディクス) name got transposed as Disc (ディスク) in the magazine, but was fixed in the volume.

There was a typo that unfortunately made it through to the volume (but could perhaps be fixed in future printings). In chapter 34, when Norman is testing Suzuki's skills, he flashes back to Sugiki taking the national title from him several years earlier. The text in this scene, written in English, incorrectly states that Suzuki won the championship, rather than Sugiki.

The volume also includes the usual additions that are not present in the magazine, such as the under the cover flap comic, and Inouesatoh’s notes about each chapter.

The cover flap comic (which looks very much like a sketch, compared to previous ones that have had more complete art), features the Shinyas during a practice session earlier on in the series in December, where Suzuki complains that Sugiki’s Latin just isn’t sexy. Sugiki suggests that he can practice being sexy by wiggling his butt around to write a message in the air. Suzuki worries that if he starts writing out “love” or something, he’ll have to run away and escape. Sugiki gets started, and Suzuki calls out each letter that he can make out from his elegant butt bouncing. After figuring out he’s written “M-E-R-R-Y”, Suzuki guesses that he’s writing “Merry Christmas”. Sugiki gets mad that he said it aloud before he finished writing his message, and says he’s going to leave. Suzuki says, “Wait, I love you,” as narrative text says that this somehow turned into a love story in one panel.

And here are some tidbits I found interesting/amusing from the chapter notes:

She thinks readers who are fans of pecs will like Saichi.

She’s not sure if readers will love Max or hate him, but she personally likes him (sorry Sensei, I kinda hate him lol)

As of chapter 32, a portion of the art is now done digitally.

The epic “last dance” scene from 33 was something that she had planned since the beginning of the series, and it ended up being 8 times the cost for a typical chapter.

Special edition booklet:

The special edition comes with a 48 page hardcover booklet that includes a variety of different extras, divided into 8 sections called “heats”.

Heat 1 is a newly drawn, 12 page parody manga. Back in September 2020, Inouesatoh put out a request on Twitter for fans to send in their suggestions for an erotic side story. Putting the characters in a high school setting was the most requested scenario, so she chose this idea as the basis for the story. The title is “And All That Jazz” (the premise makes this somewhat confusing to summarize, so keep in mind that I’ll mostly be describing their actions based on the soul rather than the body, but will use quotation marks if it’s about other characters and who they think they’re addressing. It’ll all make sense, I promise...I think :P)

(The title page actually depicts the ending of the story, so I’ll come back to it later). It starts with Suzuki narrating his introduction, saying that he’s a transfer student to the Standard Academy. He really doesn’t get along with a guy named Sugiki, but for some reason, the two have now switched bodies with each other. Sugiki opens his shirt and inspects his new physique in front of other students, as Suzuki yells out asking what the hell he’s doing to his body. They look at themselves wearing each other’s expressions, Sugiki seeming surprised his mouth can gape open like that, and Suzuki wondering what happened to his body’s facial expression muscles. The bell rings and Sugiki heads off to class, as Suzuki is baffled that he can act so calm about this.

Sugiki perfectly reads a passage aloud in English class, something everyone (including the teacher, who looks like Norman) find unusual coming from “Suzuki”, as they wonder where his usual hearts are. Suzuki makes the decision to enjoy living as Sugiki for a bit, and is shown getting flirty with several girls. He notes that the more serious personality in his regular body is also strangely popular, though with a very different crowd.

A student named Alberko (Alberto in a girl’s uniform) shows up and says that “Sugiki” was supposed to have lunch with her(?) today. Suzuki says that he thought Alberko was going out with Dorou (a masculine alteration to Dolores’ name). Ernie and Suzuki watch as his harem falls apart with Alberko running amok. Ernie comments that both “Sugiki” and that transfer student have been acting weird all week, and he asks if something happened. Suzuki internally reflects back to one week earlier, when he was relaxing in bed in the infirmary. Sugiki comes in and accuses him of skipping class, and Suzuki tells him to mind his own business. He thought this would turn into one of their usual fights, but he can’t believe that actually happened instead...

After school, Sugiki asks Suzuki if they can go home together today. As they’re walking, Suzuki asks if Sugiki realizes what it was that made them switch places, and Sugiki says he does. Suzuki says that in that case, they know how they need to fix it, and they should go over to his house. Sugiki asks for clarification of whose house exactly he means by that.

As they start to get undressed, Suzuki says that he always thought his mom and sisters were annoying, but after a week apart he really misses them. Sugiki promises that he’ll make sure he can see them soon. Suzuki claims that he’ll be the one making Sugiki come, and Sugiki asks how he can talk like that when he was the one who looked like he was about to cry when Sugiki first touched him in the infirmary.

Sugiki peeks into Suzuki’s pants and wonders if he won’t get hard unless he touches him. Suzuki thinks it’d be weirder if he could get hard while looking at his own face, and wonders if Sugiki has AI in his crotch or something (Sugiki contends that it’s not his body). They fool around with each other until they finish, and Suzuki wonders why they didn’t change back yet. Sugiki suggests that maybe it needs to be just like the last time to count as a complete set, when they went at it until they fell off the bed, so both agree that they need to go for one more round. This then ties back to the title page, where they’ve finally managed to get back into their old bodies, but have now sprouted cat ears and tails.

Heat 2 of the booklet is 8 pages long, and contains short comics and illustrations that were not previously included in the volume releases. The comics include “How to 10 Dance”, a one-page comic with the Shinyas demonstrating the tango. Their privates end up touching, and Sugiki seems highly amused, gleefully asking Suzuki how it feels. Suzuki says that he was the one who got all bent out of shape over that back in volume 1, and tells him to lay off the sadist mode since they’re not dancing Latin right now. The second comic is “2nd Step”, and shows a glimpse of how the Shinyas were with each other after Suzuki gave the go-ahead for kissing. In fact, Sugiki ends up kissing him so much that Suzuki’s lips get sore and swollen. Sugiki then tries to kiss his neck as an alternative, but Suzuki’s not having it. The third comic depicts Suzuki’s first time in a public bath, where he realizes that Japanese people aren’t fully shaved everywhere like he is. Some of the old guys talk to him and slap their balls with their towels, and Suzuki, seeming a bit confused, gives his own balls a slap, too. After the comics are a selection of illustrations that were never used in the volumes, including this one from a Real 10 Dance event in 2018:

Heat 3 is 18 pages, and contains a variety of colored versions of both chapter covers and scenes from the manga, a couple of which I’ll share below:

Heat 4 includes 3 pages of insight from the professional dancers who consult for the manga, in which they explain the moves shown in specific panels.

Heat 5 is a single page look at Inouesatoh’s work space.

Heat 6 is 3 pages worth of advertisements that have been used to promote the series, including things like ads that were posted in subway stations:

Heat 7 is a single page look at the storyboard for chapter 1 of the manga.

Heat 8 is a single page showing the covers for foreign editions of the manga (Taiwanese, Korean, North American, and French).

Finally, there’s one last page with a thank you message from Inouesatoh, including an absolutely precious illustration of the Shinyas in happier times.

And that’s that! This really is an incredible release, and I’d definitely recommend picking up the special edition if you can. CD Japan offers direct international shipping, and I’ve also seen that Kinokuniya lists it as “available to order” currently (though they don’t appear to have stock on hand, so might take longer).

[arcticfox007]

The Stars Within You

Destiel December Challenge 2020

Day 15: Lights

The conclusion of the main storyline! I do intend on posting an epilogue in a few days to tie up some smaller plot points, but this is the last official prompt. If you haven’t read the rest of the story you can check out my masterlist here or head over to AO3!

Thanks again to everyone who has reblogged, left me comments/likes, given me kudos, and continued to follow this story. I have been blown away by the positive feedback and it has really made my holiday season <3

***

               Castiel lets himself feel all of the emotions that had been let loose from his time as a human. It’s a risk, even with everything that’s happened between him and Dean this past week, Castiel is well aware he could be setting himself up for disappointment. He just doesn’t have it in him anymore to resist the feelings pounding at his grace enforced walls. He wants to feel the joy at Dean making a room for him here in the bunker, for telling Castiel that he belongs here. He wants to feel the bubbly happiness at the absurd bee pillow on his bed, the swooping feeling of loving Dean more than he has loved anything for the entirety of his existence. Maybe he’s diving off a ledge with no ability to fly, but he refuses to stop every glorious feeling permeating his being as he drags Dean back to the Christmas tree. He gazes up at the doll version of himself propped up on top of the tree, takes in the Scooby-doo ornaments he’d brought home to make Dean and Sam smile, wrinkles his nose at the truly awful taste earlier Men of Letters had in décor, and indulges in a goofy grin at the lights he and Dean put up together. He dives towards the handful of presents underneath the tree and picks up two small ones carefully wrapped and garnished with curly ribbon. He pockets the smallest of the two, and turns around to press the larger of them into Dean’s hands.

               Dean fumbles with it for a moment. He staring at Cas the way they often stare at each other. A moment later and Cas sees the corner of Dean’s lip tick upwards, just enough movement for them to come back to themselves. Cas pulls at the sleeves of his pajamas nervously, urging Dean with a motion to open the present. Cas watches Dean’s nose scrunch up in concentration as he tries to pull apart the curly ribbon. Giddy with the rush of uncontained emotions, Cas rolls impatiently on the balls of his feet. Dean looks up in surprise.

               “Dude, are you actually bouncing?” Castiel responds with his trademark stoicism.

               “Of course not, Dean. Hurry up.” Dean rolls his eyes fondly at Cas and skips the ribbon to just tear off the paper. He lets the paper fall to the floor and stares at the small potion bottle as his brow furrows in confusion.

               “You want to tell me what this is, Cas?” Cas smiles, feeling almost giddy, and then looks boldly into Dean’s green eyes as they reflect the Christmas lights.

               “I would like to show you part of my true self. A part you can safely see with the aid of that potion.” Dean’s eyes sparkle, he’s clearly intrigued and Cas’ smile grows more confident. “It will give you partial access to otherworldly sight, similar to what many human psychics can see. With the dosage Sam and I measured out it should last for about a day. It’s somewhat variable dependent on your metabolism. If you decide to take it, I will meet you halfway and manifest a small representation of my true self.”

               “Um, okay. Will I have control over this sight, or am I going to be seeing trippy stuff all day?” Castiel snorts.

               “Yes, you will have control to an extent. If something else were to work at manifesting you may see it, but most of this depends on me meeting you halfway. Born psychics tend to take years to see anything substantial, much less be exposed to visions.” Dean nods seriously.

               “Any other side effects I should worry about?”

               “Unlikely, unless you were to go on a hunt. It would make you slightly more aware of ghosts.”

               “Alright, good enough. When do you want to do this?” Cas is nervous again for a moment, but silently redoubles his commitment to finding out where this will go.

               “Now, but we should go outside to the rooftop. I will require space for this. You may want to get a coat and your boots. I believe it is still snowing.” Dean passes the potion bottle to Cas with an eager grin, and rejoins the angel with his coat and shoes in record time. Cas feels his excitement build as he leads the man he loves to the rooftop where Sam had helped him work on this gift only days before.

               “Hey, look, there are lights up here too!” Dean gestures to the string lights propped up on tall stands around the edges of the rooftop. Castiel knows Sam must have put them up and wonders how Sam knew he’d end up doing this at night. Cas silently thanks his friend for the forethought. Dean follows one of the strands back to its source to find the on switch and suddenly the rooftop is softly lit with tiny imitations of the stars in the sky. Cas silently hands the potion back to Dean. It feels as if words aren’t needed in this moment, and Dean must feel it as well. He acts rather than speaking and throws back the potion as if it were a shot.

               “Close your eyes, it only takes a moment to go into effect.” As Dean shuts his eyes Castiel pulls of his pajama shirt, draping it on one of the light stands. He inhales the sharp, cold, snow filled air and pulls on his grace. He breaths out as he shifts his much healthier wings further into the mortal realm, adjusting them to best fit his vessel’s frame. He turns away from Dean, too anxious to see his reaction right away. He keeps his wings close to his body, wanting to give his very human companion time to adjust slowly. Despite the shrouds and adjustments between him, the wings are still very much part of his true form and may be a bit overwhelming for a human.

               “Can I look? Is it okay? I don’t feel any different.” Dean sounds almost disappointed, perhaps worried that the potion did not work on him.

               “You shouldn’t feel different. You can look now.” Castiel hears a soft gasp behind him. “Tell me what you can see, Dean.”

               “I – wow Cas… I see you. Your wings. They’re fucking beautiful.” Castiel hesitates for a moment, but allows the wondering lilt to Dean’s voice to sooth his doubts. He turns slowly to see Dean looking at him as if he’d never seen anything better in his life. This look, more than anything, undoes the knots of worry in the angel’s chest and he smiles broadly and unfurls his wings a bit, stretching them towards the stars. A rush of joy runs through his body as he takes in the awe on Dean’s face and the way he reaches out for Castiel without trepidation. Cas takes his outstretched hand and gently pulls him closer.

               “I can only make them partially corporeal here. Without the potion they have an impression here, the snow falls on them, I can use them as a shield, but you can’t see them except for a shadow. So, please Dean, tell me what you see. I want to know how much of me you can see.” Cas’ can hear his voice grow smaller with need as he speaks, but he can’t deny how much it means to share this small part of himself with the man he loves.

               “They aren’t just shadows anymore Cas. I can see individual feathers; I can see their color – I think. It changes. It’s uh, it’s hard to describe but they look like every color I’ve ever seen shimmering through the blackness of space,” Dean says breathlessly. He seems startled at his own description and laughs softly. “Damn, Cas, they’re so spectacular they’re making me sound fucking poetic. They’re amazing. You’re amazing.”

               Cas inhales sharply as Dean looks right into his eyes, something intense and warm in the way he seems to see more of the angel’s true self in his blue eyes than in the wings themselves. Before Castiel can define what he’s seeing, Dean’s eyes dart to his wings again. Cas notices his wings curling in towards Dean and halts them with a thought. Dean looks almost disappointed, making Cas grin.

               “You can touch them. If you’d like.” It’s not a question, Cas can tell how much Dean wants to pet his wings. Cas is sure it must seem like an odd impulse to a human, to want to pet what appears to be bird-like wings growing out of an adult man’s back, but Cas wants Dean to touch him. He’s never had a human touch his wings before and he’s curious as to what it will feel like to have Dean’s fingers in his feathers.

               “Um, I won’t hurt you, right? I know that, er, birds winds can be fragile, I guess. I know you’re not a bird but they kinda look like -”, Cas cuts Dean off before he starts comparing him to a parakeet.

               “You won’t hurt me. Angels are warriors of God, and our wings were built to aid us in battle.” To illustrate this, Castiel raises his wings above his body, snapping them out all at once with a sharp ringing sound.

               “Oh. Right. Yeah.” Dean’s eyes have widened at the intimidating display of the angel’s wings as they tower over him, but Castiel takes pity on him and softens his stance, bringing them back down. He curls them loosely at Dean’s side to give him easier access. Not one to hesitate when invited, Dean reaches out and gently brushes his hands through the feathers closest to him.

               “Cas… they’re so soft, and warm.” Dean begins to dig his fingers in with more confidence and chases the rainbow of lights reflecting off the obsidian black of Castiel’s wings. At Dean’s continued attention, Cas finds himself relaxing as he lets his head fall on top of Dean’s shoulder. Dean laughs happily.

               “I’m glad I could share this with you.” Cas feels strange but happy. He can’t quite describe what the newer emotions are pouring through him, but it is similar to the relief of coming home when you have been away for a very long time. He does manage to catch himself before he literally begins to purr, but he must have made some sort of sound because Dean ceases his exploration of Castiel’s feathers.

               “Does it feel okay?” Cas manages to pull himself away from Dean just enough to see his face.

               “Yes, I’d imagine it’s like grooming.” Dean chuckles.

               “Grooming? That wasn’t what I was expecting you to say.” Cas tilts his head to the side, trying to interpret Dean’s response.

               “Yes, tactile communication for comfort and bonding. The PBS special on primates said it’s called grooming.” At this point Dean is laughing hard enough that he bends over to try and catch his breath.

               “Yeah, hah, grooming. I think most people talk about it like that for the non-human primates though, Cas. But I don’t mind ‘grooming’ with you.” Dean smirks and Castiel is still not sure what is so humorous. Regardless, this is his gift to Dean and he is not done yet.

               “Dean. Can I touch you with my wings?” Dean’s eyes widen just a bit but he nods his head in agreement. Castiel pulls his wings in and up until he is cradling Dean and they are in a shelter created by his plumage. Dean directs his gaze around the impromptu cocoon and runs his hand lightly over more feathers as they minutely shift in color against a background of darkness.

               “Cas, you’re practically a planetarium. It’s like there are whole galaxies in here. I could look forever and never see all there is to see.” As this is one of the better human descriptions of angel true forms, Castiel feels content that he has shown the man he loves much more of what he really is. That Dean shows such quiet wonder at this glimpse of the heart of Castiel makes him feel safe to take another risk, one that means even more. He presses his wings in to bring Dean even closer, until their chests are almost touching. Cas pulls the smaller gift out of his pocket and lays it in Dean’s hand. Dean’s eyes are alight with curiosity as he peels off the paper. He shoves the crumpled paper in his coat pocket and lets the pendant that had been within drop, carefully holding the chain in his fingers. He squints at the pendant, a feather preserved on top of bronze, and then gasps.

               “Cas. Is this – is it yours?” Castiel nervously raises his fingertips to Dean’s jaw and slowly raises his gaze to meet Dean’s eyes.

               “Yes. It does not retain all of its properties once shed, and it’s once of the smaller ones as it wouldn’t have been possible to make any of the larger feathers as conveniently wearable. It is still a part of me though, a part of my grace, of my true self.” Castiel pauses to make sure Dean understands. Dean’s heart is racing but besides that he seems to grasp the depth of this gift, so Castiel continues. “If you accept this, I can find you if it is with you. If you wear it, I can feel your life, hear your heartbeat. And the feather preserved inside the pendant will exists as long as I exist, no matter where I may be. If there is ever a real need it can even be used to locate me, although it will destroy the feather in the process. If you accept this, it will be part of you and no one else will be able to use it. Do you understand?”

               Dean drops Castiel’s gaze to cradle the pendant in his hand, a bit of a dazed look on his face. Cas waits patiently, wanting to make sure this is Dean’s choice.

               “Cas. I need to know something, because I don’t want there to be any miscommunication here.” Castiel waits for several minutes as Dean works to find the words he needs. “You say you’re giving me a part of yourself, that it will become a part of me. That sounds like, well, more than a friendship to me. And I’d like to know if I’m getting that right.”

               While it’s not exactly a question, Cas understands that he needs to put this in more human terms. “Yes, Dean. You would be accepting that what we have is more than just friendship. I love you Dean. I am content with just being by your side, and if you do not love me the same way nothing has to change. However, these past days have allowed me to hope for more. So, I am offering you more. I am offering you me, if you choose to accept me.” Castiel’s hand has moved up to cradle Dean’s face, but he needs Dean to choose what he wants and does not move further.

“Please don’t cry, Cas.” Castiel is surprised to feel tears drip from his face, he hadn’t realized just how much his emotions were spilling over. Dean wipes the tears away with his thumbs and then he leans in and kisses Castiel.

Cas feels a rush of bliss and his grace warms his wings as he feels more feathers push into existence. He leans into the kiss and wraps his free arm around Dean’s neck as the hand cupping Dean’s faces slides up into his hair. Dean opens his mouth and Cas dives in, the sensation of their tongues touching better than anything Cas could have imagined, although Dean’s hands on his bare waist place at a close second. Too quickly, Dean pulls back to breathe and takes a small step back before Cas can drag him back for more.

“Wait. Just a sec, Cas. Here, I want you to put this on me.” Cas’ eyes widen with surprise and joy, and he thinks that the kissing can wait for just a moment. He takes the chain and pulls the pendant over Dean’s head. Dean pulls his layers away from his neck just enough for Cas to drop the pendant below his undershirt to rest close to Dean’s heart.

“I accept you Castiel.” Dean smiles, glorious in his choice, and his voice is saturated with love as a small flare of grace glows where the pendant hangs. Cas sighs as he can feel Dean’s heartbeat through the new connection, and he watches as Dean takes in the small change in feeling as well.

“You can feel me? I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to.” Dean nods slowly as he presses his hand over his chest.

“Yeah, wow. It’s nothing noticeable I guess, just this feeling of warmth. If I focus on it, it seems to get a little bigger, and I can tell it’s you.” Cas decides it’s time to get back to the kissing part as he feels he may actually be on fire with the amazing feelings coursing through him. Dean participates enthusiastically. Eventually though, Castiel notices that Dean is shivering, even with angel wings around him.

“Let’s go back inside. You should sleep for a while, so we can exchange gifts with Sam in the morning.” Dean frowns in response to this suggestion.

“You said the potion would only work for a day. I want to see your wings for as long as I can.” Cas laughs at the pouting expression on Dean’s face as he grabs his pajama top and switches off the lights.

“Well, I didn’t say anything because I wanted an honest choice from you without bribery, but when you wear my feather you should be able to see them anyway, especially since you said you can feel me through it. You may even be able to see them at times when they aren’t manifested in this realm.” Dean’s face is almost giddy at this news and Cas laughs again. Cas grasps Dean’s hand and this time he doesn’t protest as he’d led back into the warmth of the bunker. Cas takes a moment to push his wings away from the physical realm before going back inside. Dean continues to look behind Cas.

“I can still see them, more like shadows the way I’ve seen them before, or outlines of shadows, but maybe that’s just the potion.”

“Only time will tell, but I believe you will retain the connection. I can manifest them inside later, so you can determine the pendants impact; I just have to be careful and keep them pulled inward.” Dean pulls Cas towards him and kisses him again, this time is softer, and almost hesitant.

“Come to my room? I, uh, I’m not asking for anything else tonight, but I was wondering if you’d be willing to just stay with me until I sleep? If that’s okay, I mean.” Dean stumbles over the words but Castiel is already tugging him in the direction of the bunker rooms.

“I will watch over you when you fall asleep Dean, and I would enjoy doing that while sharing your bed. I would also like to try doing this in my new bed at some point. With my bee pillow.” Dean snorts and Cas smiles happily, wondering what he was so afraid of in the first place. When they reach the room, Dean closes the door behind him and strips down to his boxers, looking at Cas questioningly. Cas mirrors Dean’s actions and then joins him under the covers.

“Cas?” Dean mumbles into Castiel’s chest sleepily.

“Yes Dean?”

“I love you too.” Castiel feels as if he’s flying again, damaged wings or not.

***

@galaxycastiel, @jellydeans, @my-favourite-hellatus, @nguyenxtrang

[lapetiteshippeuse]

The D. Gray-Man Rare Pair Week : Alternative Universe Extravaganza (Creature Feature)

Keyword chosen : Demons Format chosen : headcanon The Rare Pair chosen : Allen Walker and Road Kamelot

Hello everyone !

I am very happy to have chosen to take on the challenge of “DGM Rare Pair Week” ! This is my first time participating in a "DGM Week" and I am very excited !

For today, I have chosen to prove, in a headcanon, how Road and Allen could be a couple that could enters in the canon of events.

Two small things to specify first :

First of all, remember that as you have seen, the program requires a change of universe. However, I choose to keep the universe and the Hoshino canon. After all, the theme and keyword of the day seem to match, and @letspleasuretogether​ told me that everything would be ok ^^ So let's keep going!

Then, know that I am doing this out of pure fan service because I love this ship, but behind it I have found that making this ship canon is HARDER than you think. It was very hard to find romantic coherence. So much that, yes, I confess that there are some arguments in this post that I don't fully believe. I doubt it even enough. But again, I'm doing this in pure fangirl.

Here's how it's going : being a college student, I couldn't help but follow the classic plan to produce a plausible and cohesive and brilliant argument to illustrate an idea : introduction / development / conclusion. (note though that I won't be doing an introduction at all : I would introduce the characters there, and I'd rather not waste time with that, because I can imagine that any DGM fan here is pretty much familiar with the characters in this game, Allen Walker and Road Kamelot. Let's just say you're reading the introduction to this post right now!) I'll pick a timeline-style plan here, which will be built according to the sequence of events over time in the manga.

As a consequence, I prefer to warn you : this is gonna be a very long post ! I hope you have time right now ! If it’s not the case, you can come back later. 

One last thing : please, be kind. I’m so tired right now, I gave very much time to write all of this, once again this is gonna be VERY long. So please, no insults, because you’re not a Roallen shipper. Thank you very much for that.

And precisely speaking of that, here is the main idea that I will illustrate ! Now let's start the development :

The Roallen ship is a combination of kindness and humanity, which distorts and intoxicates the relationship between the two characters.

Road Kamelot, antagonist.

Allen Walker, protagonist.

The two met as enemies. It is this enemy context that we will attribute to our first part.

And at first, we will see this humanity side of the ship, orchestrated by Road. Road’s humanity, which we will illustrate with one of her lines: " (I am) Just a human being », in the city backwards. This sums up the essence of this ship in one sentence. 

The first thing that will surprise the reader / viewer is Road's hugging Allen. 

First the shape, or what may already be visible. It's true that it's still disturbing : this is the first time that I have personally seen an antagonist hugs a protagonist, so close. Seriously, where did it come from? The introductions aren't even made yet, as Road tightens her arms around Allen. Then, the bottom, what does it say? "Do you feel this heat?" She will tell Allen about the softness, warmth and security that a hug can provide. She goes on to say that it is an emotional sensation that only a human being can experience. Her name is Road Kamelot, and she is a human being, and she is capable of tender gestures. This is her personal way of introducing herself. No, she doesn't seem to mean at first glance that she is sadistic, cruel, sociopath and psychopath at the same time. Her name is Road, she's a human, and she loves hugs.

Note also that when the fight ends in the city backwards, Road leaves without killing Allen and Lenalee.

Allen and Road's face-to-face (rather, back-to-back) makes it likely that there is only a yard between them and Road chooses not to end it just yet. (A little candle lightning in the heart, and then it's flaky !). But she's going to declare to Allen "I'll be back to play with you Allen," openly proclaiming that she would like to see him again (so no doubt about that). To hurt him again of course, but THAT’S JUST THE BEGINNING OF THIS SHIP’S STORY ;) Still, Road didn’t kill Allen, when the opportunity was too good. And this scene, where she chooses to miss this opportunity, there are quite a few that look alike like that! (But I'll come back to that...)

And Allen in all of this?

Well, because of his personality, Allen brings the theme of kindness to this ship and believe me, kindness is not without consequence.

Road : Are you intended to kill me ?

Allen : I must defeat you.

Road : It’s useless, you cannot kill me.

Remember that saving tormented souls is Allen's reason for living. He has it on his conscience if he can't save everyone (akumas for the left hand, humans for the right hand).

At the end of the city's fight backwards, you would think Allen would win the fight against Road by destroying the three akumas and without her being able to recover Miranda's innocence, or kill her, or kill the exorcists (by the way, I wonder what the character really wants).

You would think the fight ends on a score of Allen 1 - 0 Road.

It is not so.

In truth, it's an equality, ball in the middle (1 - 1).

Let me explain : in a bad, as in a good intention, Road scored a point, at the time of their last dialogue, while Allen points his innocence right at her, before she leaves by her door. She tells Allen not to shoot, and then explains why.

First, the bad intention : she reminds him that his hand being a weapon, that is to say implicitly that Allen, himself, is a weapon. Allen then remembers that earlier, when meeting them, Road confessed that a weapon was designed for the sole purpose of "humans killing other humans." This is pure provocation, to put Allen a little more beside himself : she calls him a murderer, when Allen is quite the opposite. On the other hand, also remembering innocence has no effect on Road, so right now is not the time to point his innocence at her. All she does is manipulate him. It is a double-edged sword. One point for Road.

Now, let's note the good intention our little sadist wants to send to the protagonist : if she tells him not to shoot, it's for a good reason. "You really have a heart of gold Allen," she will tell him. It seems like a warning, a limit for telling Allen he's going too far : by pointing his gun at her, he is pointing his gun at a human (as she introduced herself to him). But if Allen kills her, that makes him a murderer ; or whatever he isn't, and whatever he swore he wouldn't become. It might sound strange, but Road seems to warn Allen not to fall into the dark side. Not to be so cruel (she realizes that this is not his style, since he has "a heart of gold"). And that makes him reflect on his duty as an exorcist : an exorcist is not an assassin. She appeals to his kindness again. In this way, Road makes Allen feel a lot of things contrary to each other : she makes him doubt of himself but also allows him to question himself better.

Road must stay alive at the end of this scene : Hoshino therefore went out of her way to show the relationship between the two characters, why he shouldn't kill her, and that's what the characters are talking about, in this face-to-face.

Personally, as an anecdote, I find this scene much tastier in the French version (in the anime) : while Road is gone, you can hear Allen say "Shit". But in the French version, it says "Je t’attends, Road." that we can translate in “I’m waiting for you, Road” WHICH SHOWS THAT THE DYNAMISM OF THIS RELATIONSHIP IS ONLY BEGINNING !!! The duality is posited ; the staging and the atmosphere are at their peak during this confrontation, regarding the nature of this relationship between these two characters, brought to meet again.

Later in the manga, Road and Allen will meet again : first in the Ark, where Road is shown an attraction to Allen.

Then they will meet again in the neighborhoods of the American branch during the Alma Karma arc. This is where their relationship will evolve, this time in an ally context, which concerns them mutually.

Now getting back to Road’s humanity, I would first like to answer a quick question that many fans have : As Sheryl Kamelot asked Bookman, what was the nature of her relationship with the Fourteenth?

Many assume that these two characters shared a romantic relationship. This is a legitimate assumption. After all, Sheryl knowing that Allen Walker is the fourteenth and having noticed that her daughter seems attracted to her host, and knowing that he learns that the latter is partly the cause of her disappearance, Road having tried to protect him before he asks Bookman this question, it doesn't seem indecent to think that Road may have been in love with the Fourteenth. However (and this is only my personal opinion), I do not agree with this : firstly because, for a manga where the plot seems to become more and more complex, that would be a bit too much "easy". All of the sudden, that's what the mangaka wants us to believe, and what she's trying to tell us is "it's more complicated than that". Secondly, because I consider, as a reader, that Hoshino seeks above all to demonstrate that Neah and Allen are completely opposite characters in terms of personality :

Neah wants the destruction of humanity, he is a murderer ; Allen, meanwhile, wants the world to be saved, at any cost

Neah wants to become the new Millenium Earl ; Allen wants to destroy it.

Neah would kill innocent people to achieve these ends ; Allen cannot kill humans, even Noahs, his kindness and compassion are great

Neah is sadistic, devious and manipulative ; does not look like Allen

Finally, Neah seems to be just downright cold ; Allen is a warm person

Road did know Nea, well enough to know him enough to know that Nea and Allen are clearly not the same person. If a D. Gray-Man character gets it right, it's Road.

Besides, I think that knowing that Neah has taken possession of Allen, seems to upset Road more than anything else.

When she reads the paper certifying it (paper by the way that looks like an official paper, "formalizing" that Allen is therefore doomed to disappear), she becomes melancholy, following this news. As if she would have preferred, like Cross, that it had fallen on someone other than him. (That being so, a moderately valid argument, since looking at the paper, she mentions the fact that Nea tried to kill the Earl, and it would not be indecent to think that this would be what bothers her more than anything else ; but again, I don't think this reflects any love towards the Fourteenth - I think Nea was a beautiful person who unfortunately went wrong, kind of like Anakin Skywalker).

Likewise, a reply from Sheryl : "Road ? Is there a hint of tenderness in you voice when you say “Allen” ?" only fuels the potential attraction Road feels for Allen, as Road goes to ask the Earl: "...". She seems to be showing more and more concern for him.

Finally, it can also be remembered that in The Ark, Road told Allen that she would not hesitate to kill him if she touches a single hair in his family. Yet, in the rest of the story, it seems obvious that she cares about him just AS MUCH AS her family. Road wants to protect her family at all costs, because she has already lost her first thirty five years ago ; but Road, she also wants to protect Allen.

He and Road will first approach in another world ; memories of Kanda and Alma. Personally, I really like this scenario, because it gives an isolating feel to two characters who come together for the first time, before they get even closer in the real world. In the memories of Kanda, a world where no one can see them, she crosses the enemy line and joins him in the memories of the Japanese: while he almost gets swallowed up by the memory of Kanda, Road saves him the life, hugs him once again and reminds him of who he is so that he remains aware that they are in the past. She is particularly worried about him. But again, the opportunity is too good for Road to do away with the fourteenth : she could let Allen be swallowed up by Kanda's memory so that there is no fourteenth at all. But she leaves Allen alive. Again, it's probably to see Nea again, but again, I honestly don't think Road is in love with the Fourteenth. She looks at Allen, she knows that he's the one she's talking to, knows Nea well enough to know he's not Allen (she repeats "Allen" a lot of times in this scene, by the way).

Especially since I specify that she runs her hand through her hair, as a sign of affection, and that in general (and this is why I say IN GENERAL, not everyone does), it seems to be a love reflex, or very affectionate, more than just plain friendly.

Also, a certain ambiguous moment in the dynamics of the two characters is present, when Allen asks Road if the revival of Alma Karma is part of the Central Administration plan. The two are particularly close to each other (seriously, as a reader I thought they would kiss), and Road will give Allen a friendly look. The latter seems intimidated, as he probably didn't think she was capable of having any such feelings.

Additionally, Road is going to help Allen understand the Exorcists' Second Project, which is a key moment and element in this story arc, and therefore proves to be a very good ally to Allen. At this point, she doesn't seem mean and sadistic at all ; she will even help the hero on his way. And rather than showing that Alma's awakening is the work of Noahs, she especially wants to let him know that it is also the work of the Central Administration, to qualify what we are talking about here way of saying that the Noahs are not the only wicked). 

Finally, to highlight once again the French translation of the manga, when Alma Karma comes out of nowhere and surprises Allen and Road when they are connected to Allen's memory, sound effects written in Japanese are inscribed. But only a French translation exists (yes I looked for it. No I'm not obsessed) : "Ils se rapprochent à vitesse grand V !”, which can be translated as “They are getting closer at high speed !" I have the feeling that this is almost the mangaka talking to us, if I'm not mistaken ^^. Or maybe it's a simple "instant ship" moment rather than consistency and a love canon.

Later still, Allen and Road are going to get closer in the real world, and there are only more and more emotions (therefore, drama) : first, when they meet again when Allen is imprisoned by the Central Administration in return of mission is attacked by Apocryphos, when Road enters in scene, the first thing she chooses to do, it is to take him in her arms, ONCE AGAIN. And that's not all : once again, she will produce an emotional, warm embrace and reassure Allen. In this rush, she doesn't seem to be paying attention to what Tyki, or her family, may think (he himself suspects something about not bringing Sheryl). And once again, the opportunity is too good to finish with Allen : she can let Nea continuing to metamorphose into him to finish it off faster with the fourteenth, but she does not. Because killing the fourteenth, is go back killing Allen. Choice that Road doesn’t want to see that happen, if it comes to.

And shortly thereafter, not only do we climb in emotion, but also in action, which produces more and more drama : Road will sacrifice herself and take a punch in Allen's place, to the point that it makes her disappear (that is, she must genuinely have tender affection for Allen). (Has Lenalee ever done this for Allen ???) Finally, before disappearing, her last words : Road is crying, for the first time she is very moved, and very vulnerable. She is therefore very capable of humanity.

This is where I'm going from the start of this second part : to me, it's clear, Road is in love with Allen. There is no evil or unhealthy manipulation technique, no cruelty, not even slight flirtation. There is even tenderness and emotion. Road doesn't want to lose Allen ; for me, she refuses the reincarnation of Nea in him, she chooses to protect him at any cost, even if she disappears, and does not care of what her family might think about it (Sheryl, Tyki). From there, it's not flirting anymore, but the birth of her loving feelings towards him.

To wrap up this development, we're going to revisit Allen's goodness, and this time focus on this evolved relationship and his “alliance” to Road, and most importantly, the fact that he can't kill her, he'll even tolerate her presence.

First, in the Ark, Allen chooses not to kill either her or Tyki, but rather exorcises them if he has to go through it (of course, what he doesn't know is is that we have to go through murder to exorcise them from Noah who are in them). This is what happens with Tyki Mikk, even if it fails. When Lavi Bookman comes to himself, he almost goes to the point of committing suicide by burning himself, but he chooses to take Road with him to death (though that also fails). Lavi stabs her, he knows he can go this far with an enemy ; but it’s a choice Allen couldn’t make (even Lavi is also going to suspect something, comically, after Road has been charred and disintegrated).

In addition, he also curiously tolerates her presence in the memories of Alma and Kanda.

She is even helpful to him, lends a hand to him, he's alive and that's because of her, she's even kind, and affectionate, even if Allen doesn't understand everything. She is even tactile, and he does not push it away.

There's a lot of tactile between Road and Allen from there, more than you would think.

It is mostly an intention that comes from her to him, unreciprocated at that moment, but he instinctively does not reject her. Between two enemies, when the status of friend / ally is not even formalized yet, but a rapprochement and a tactile effect is more present, I almost have the impression that it fits in the canon, in my opinion (let's not forget that this is just a headcanon).

The same with the Apocryphos bow: in his cell, and this time in that embrace, (and once again!) Allen lets himself go into Road's arms. There is even a comfort ... and a curious affection ... it's curious that anyway! You might even think he finds a rather tender emotion, like her. Later in his desertion, what I found personally disturbed (while it seemed rather like an insignificant detail, to me) was that Allen wears Road like a princess (like LaviLena !!!!). Of course, it seems consistent in terms of comfort : it would be easier to wear Road. But still…It figures that out this is apparently those insignificant details who are “weird”, you know...

What is most ambiguous in all of this is the following in his desertion : Allen is going to be worried about Road's unconsciousness.

He ends up asking Tyki why she doesn't wake up. Even Tyki seems to be less worried than Allen. Moreover, the Noah seems to trust her enough to take care of her on his own with the awareness that he must cover their escape with Timcanpy.

Again, Allen refuses, claiming that they are Noahs and therefore his enemies. But after a little morale lesson, Tyki disappears. In the end, Allen neither accepts nor refuses to enter Road. They are both ; she is unconscious.

Allen knows she is vulnerable ; and his gaze on her is also uncertain : which I find brilliant is that his left eye seems to offer a suspicious look, towards her. 

And his right eye, a compassion look, because of her vulnerability.

Again, this is troubling.

And then we can remember Road's tirade in the city backwards : it could be cumbersome in his flight, but Allen cannot kill Road, because he knows she is above all human, even though he still struggles to realize it.

But not for long : when Road says her last words, she looks Allen in the eye, crying and talks to him. She says something to him which is directly addressed to him.

Most importantly, Allen is shocked : he never saw her cry, and he didn't believe her capable of that. Friendly looks, tears, of course Road is human like him (To use the Road quote sums it up). All this, before she disappeared : Allen sees that she was even more vulnerable than he thought.

And Allen shakes his fist : upset? Because he couldn't save her? Hard to say. Deep down, I think he knows she's not really dead. But here we have a failed act : the truth is that Road and Allen would have spent a long time together, Road accompanying her on her escape, but that doesn't happen since she disappears; a rapprochement, which ultimately does not happen.

So, what can we therefore conclude from this ship?

That in terms of reciprocity, we remember : that after a while, our two enemies employ the refusal to kill each other.

Then, that one is worried when the other is in danger.

Finally, that they are able to save each other, or come to the aid of each other, mutually.

This is already, I think, a great development. So I know what you're going to tell me : there is nothing romantic here, it's probably just a budding friendship. And you would be right to think so! Nothing tells us that there is a romantic future for the two characters (that would even strike me as quite inconsistent, given the current circumstances of the story). But, if you are a shipper at heart like me, you will have noticed this thing : this atmosphere, this staging, this atmosphere that the mangaka has chosen to adopt, which makes the reader work to imagine some love story (you know what I mean?) In the memories of Alma and Kanda, I find it rather blatant. It's that “stuff”, that something that reminds me of this potential romantic arc. But again, you would be correct in thinking that basically not ; I still think so myself (because Lenalee is around ; and sorry, but I don't ship AllenLena at all, no offense). But they have already shared their first kiss !!! You couldn't take it away from me !! (although it was not agreed)

And precisely, could we imagine the circumstances of their next meeting? Honestly, it was an exercise that I must have had a hard time doing. Especially since given the turn the manga is taking, I can't see how… But what I can assume is that, even if it could happen in a very long time, I don't see the fact that Hoshino decides not to do them again interact. As much as their relationship follows "progress."

By the way, don't you like this parallel that Road and Allen bear the opposite Christian scars of the cross-shaped stigmata of God and the satanic cross in opposition to their clan? ;)

Thank you for having reading !!

[fras-redacted-shapes]

Artist 2020 Year-End Round-up

I was going to post this next week, but I got tagged by @musetta3, thanks :D

Total Artwork for 2020: 542

(200 finished artworks, 155 studies, 187 Unfinished/Sketches)

Commissions: 47

Personal Work: Uuuh no idea, probably +200 counting sketches/unfinished projects.

Thanks for making me count, I realised I have no other skills or hobbies 🤣 Art is the one thing I do.

New Things I Tried This Year: 

MOTHERFUCKING BLENDER YEEEEHAAAAW

I had minimal knowledge of sculpting in Zbrush, and used Keyshot to get some basic renders, but after stumbling upon a couple Blender tutorials (no, not the donut one, that one came much later) I gave it a try and fell in love with it (that after the sheer terror the UI made me feel faded away). Started dipping my toes in photobashing, tracing and overpainting.

Took me months but I even tried retopo, doing UVs and painting textures (on PS because other programs still intimidate me). This guy was the result:

Also people, like human faces. Being a furry/creature artist for so long sure made me it difficult to try new things. Until I got deep into my fixation with WestWorld and The Expanse and ended up challenging myself to do 100 studies in 30 days, no more than 30 min. per study, so very rough/quick things. This was the result:

It was great and intense and I don't want to do something like this again anytime soon haha.

Artwork I spent the most time on -goes into the cut beause it's long and it's a doozy-:

This one is it, I decided to call it quits and move on.

Learning some Blender opened up the possibility to start working toward my other, biggest artistic weakness: ENVIRONMENT.

Yes I am that type of artists that prefers to do character portraits and characters standing in a black void. Now instead of having to figure out perspective and manually draw every fucking thing I could simply place everything in a Blender file, set some lights, and draw over the renders. Sounds stupidly easy no? Hahahhaha, ooooooh boy.

Starting with my character Kvrv, which the sculpt took months of working here and there over two versions, first model was done in 2019. Then working on the green guy model, which was the result of following many tutorials and trying new things I wanted to learn.

Then I found websites like Turbosquid and started downloading free models to set up the scene. That alone took a fuckton of time.

Setting the scene, experimenting with different configurations of the room, lighting scheme, camera placement, making renders, etc. started maybe in late May, then in June I had more or less decided to move on to the drawing part. On July and during August I did most of the painting progress, it was feeling all good and dandy.

And in late September I decided to call it quits. I have no bitter feeling towards this drawing. It mainly boils down to that between the time it took me to set it up and painting, I learned so much, both about 3D and 2D/Illustration fundamentals. I also developed these characters and world-building a ton, so it was all outdated and the most efficient way I saw to “fix” this drawing was by calling it quits and starting over. I wrote a post mortem of this project on Patreon.

I learned more from this by calling it a failure and analyzing it rather than trying to finish it and hate it altogether.

First artwork of the year: This commission, for a guy who wanted me to turn his fursona into a Warframe.

Last artwork of the year: A few VERY rough sketches I don't wanna show, they're part of a project I'll only tease ;D

[press-x-tojason]

Giant Bomb is dead, and I care way less than I thought I would. Probably because 83% of the people who I ever cared about had already left or died, or were already relegated to reduced content roles. 

Honestly, though, the writing’s been on the wall for a bit. They haven’t had anything worthy of paying for premium in several years, and, even though they’ve had well over a year to figure out a plan for the COVID era, they maybe made it a month with their plans to have a series of streams daily. I actually managed to forget I followed them on Twitch at all, for about 4 months, because they only streamed the podcasts and the occasional former Harmonix employee (who was literally paid to make content with their games while employed at Giant Bomb, which was funny because he blocked me on Twitter for making a post, addressing no one, back in 2014, which was asking about the legitimacy of the leaked list of “games “””””journalists”””””” who had taken money from publishers for positive reviews, a list which included him and multiple then-coworkers. I didn’t follow him, he didn’t follow me. He was manually searching the keywords, because he was, and is, a prick.) solo Rock Band stream in the last 8 months or so. Even when Jeff would manage to do one of his 20 streams from home a year, it would be on his own channel. There was just no content. And they’re surprised their “pay for our unique premium content!” model failed. They always “feigned” anger at Dan for “making” them do the Mario Party Parties, and literally never promoted his and Drew’s Metal Gear series after the first game... but I bet that, when only those, UPF, and the ad-free versions of the podcasts were premium features, those two series were keeping them afloat. Well, that and the remaining goodwill they miraculously managed to hold onto for a few years after Ryan died.  Shit, I follow several people who are GB staff-adjacent, and... I can’t think of the last time they mentioned anything that happened on-site. Even the people who’ve been directly supporting them for over 10 years were out. 

But yeah, the site is super dead. They pretended in the announcements like they’re going to make a go of it still, but... you’ve got like 4 content people left, and the only one people give a shit about is Jeff. You just saw 3/4 of the side of the site that was still trying these past several months jump ship in a 3 month span. One of those was, by nearly any definition, a founding member. Of which you had already lost one, and are losing another from the main side. Jeff’s been way less active until the last week or two, probably because he heard they were leaving and was like “oops, should probably check on the ship that’s been sinking for years!” Then you have Jason “The Human Mumble” Oestricher, the charisma vacuum, whose legitimate public-facing reaction to first hearing that all but one of his GB predecessors were going to be gone. was, and I quote, “Hoo Boy.” Ben and Jan are the definition of “fine”. They would have been great, as they are today, as secondary members 8-10 years ago. But carry the site, they cannot. They’re down to, what, 5 named members now? It hasn’t been that dire since the beginning of 2009, before they hired Drew, when they hadn’t even started the P4 endurance run. You know, that surprise massive, internet-changing thing that essentially popularized the Let’s Play concept, loosening its definition and making it something that could be as personality-driven as game-driven, made simply to give them something to put on the website, beyond the rare review and, slightly later, quick look. This kinda illustrates the problem with modern Giant Bomb. When they were figuring shit out, flying by the seats of their pants, they came up with great shit, and they gave enough of a shit to make it happen. 0.000% chance they do a 10 hour Thanksgiving Kinect stream if the Kinect was new today. 0.000% chance the core members would have done an endurance run in the last 10 years if CT and Shenmue (which I haven’t watched) weren’t driven by the younger members. And you could see it in the fact that they never made a real, true mobile app. The number one thing that would have made them indispensable this past decade, an app to integrate premium features, the podcast, their video player, etc. all in one place in a mobile-friendly package, that could sync with the website... and they never even raised the idea publicly. I wonder how much of the innovation was the group think-tank of the first 5 years. Beyond Dan’s couple major contributions, I don’t think they added a single new type of content after 2012, which... still means the last 6.5 years lacked any semblance of innovation. I guess that’s a big part of why I fell off tremendously quickly after late 2014. There was just nothing new, and believe me, I was looking. I wanted reasons to stay watching. I supported them with my dollar. I believed in those brave early days. And I went back yesterday to watch the DP endurance run from VJ again. I still miss that rapport. And really, that hurt, too. Vinny moving back east, less than a year after Ryan passed... short term, it was fine. You had more people than ever to cover the gaps. But the spark was gone. The chemistry made the site. When I think of Giant Bomb, I still think of Jeff, Vinny, and Ryan, first and foremost. Those early podcasts, the NintenDownloads, the crazy tangents that everyone could seamlessly follow up on(well, except Brad, because he essentially slept through most of the podcasts, unless he was talking about the thing he did that week), the weird high-concept GOTY stuff... it wasn’t perfect, but you were entertained. You laughed. You were engaged. It never felt like you were watching them working, even though you could see the work they put in. It felt like, when they released something, you were experiencing a group of legitimate friends doing what they wanted to do anyways.(And boy have I seen enough groups do everything they can to NOT be enjoying doing that, and break up as a result due to hating the jobs that they chose to do). 

Part of me would love to make it as simple as “Ryan died, and so did the original spirit”, and... to a degree, it’s true. If you go back to any retrospective they’ve done about the founding of the site, or the podcast they recorded after Ryan passed, you can’t help but recognize that Giant Bomb never happens if these core members don’t all quit their jobs, led by Ryan,  because they respect their boss/manager, Jeff, and know he’s doing the right things(for them, for the reader/viewer, etc.) ahead of what GameSpot management wants him to do. Jeff could have been left in the wilderness, trying find a spot elsewhere, with the rumor going around between executives that Jeff wasn’t going to help them promote anything, essentially killing their revenue. He would have been done in terms of getting employed by a major site. But Ryan first, and soon after, Vinny and Brad, gave up their jobs to make this fledgling little project go. As much as the ERs brought me in and gave the impression that Jeff and Vinny were the long-standing duo, no, it was Ryan who was Jeff’s partner in crime. And, 8 years later, I can comfortably say... Giant Bomb never recovered from losing him. 

But it was so much more. Everything that set them apart slowly went away,  in time. I don’t think they’ve posted reviews for games in consecutive MONTHS since 2017; 2018 at the latest. They have done one Endurance Run in 9 years. They have not had a meaningful live event in 6 years. Unprofessional Fridays were more formulaic and lesser in volume and frequency after the major players started moving east. The lack of coordination between coasts killed the camaraderie, to the point that I think one of the last 5 true gameplay crossovers was their series of 2016-2017 PUBG shitfests. I remember when Vinny starting GBEast was supposed to be the start of a new era of content, and... it was, but not in a positive way, like it sounded. When half of each side seemed to constantly have no interest in making anything, nothing got made. But I guess that’s what happens when your second in command in one of your headquarters is just a former marketing grunt with an attitude problem, and the guy with the biggest ego on the team is the one who refuses to move to join either side, and just pushes out the most self-important drivel as a header to what were literally just copy-pasted articles from other sites every week while sitting at his desk, dreaming of the days Gawker would pay him to plagiarize political drivel instead, because that’s what really gets the soulless clicks. One of your founding members becomes depressed due to losing his two closest work friends, one for real, one to a 3000 mile separation, within a year, while the other one who is left virtually stopped playing anything but DOTA 2 for 2 years. Suddenly your most prominent personalities are the 2 new guys(one the aforementioned charisma vacuum, the other a walking mark) and your previously-mostly-off-camera producer who is best known to the wider Internet for... blinking. So, yeah, lifeless. And NOW, all you’ve got is old melancholy dad, charisma vacuum dad, and the two ADHD kids whose defining trait is that they choose to exclusively refer to their partners as “my partner” in voices that make it sound like they are embarrassed to have partners, while also talking more about what their partners are doing than what they do.  It’s confounding.

But yeah, TL:DR: RIP zombie Giant Bomb. Glad you’re finally getting taken behind the shed. It took 3 years too long, minimum.

[tessandscottforever18]

By mid-September, Camila Cabello was feeling burnt out. In the span of three days she had performed at the MTV Video Music Awards, attended the Met gala with boyfriend Shawn Mendes, and shot the first-ever global cover for Glamour. So when she finally returned home to Miami, rest wasn’t just desired—it was essential.

But rehearsals for New York’s Global Citizen Festival loomed. Before jumping back into pop star mode, Cabello put on a yellow bikini and headed to the beach for two hours of blissfully uninterrupted downtime. She sank into a chair and cracked open a book, her favorite pastime. The salty air enveloped her; waves crashed in the distance. This is why she lives in Miami, her hometown, as opposed to a showbiz hub like Los Angeles: more privacy.

Or so she thought. Somehow the paparazzi found out where she was for those 120 minutes. She didn’t see them at first, but there they were, snapping away.

“I didn’t consent to those pictures,” she tells me over Zoom, camera off as she drives in Miami. (At one point she says to someone on the road, “Why are you honking at me, bro?”) “I got my period on the beach. I’m in a bikini and on my period, so I don’t know if I have a fucking period stain and that’s going to be everywhere. I didn’t sign up for anybody to be taking pictures of me in a bikini.”

Cabello has developed methods for dealing with invasive situations like this. She’s had to. The 24-year-old—born in Cuba, raised in Miami—has been in the public eye since 2012, when she competed on The X-Factor. She auditioned as a solo artist but was later matched with four other girls to form the pop group Fifth Harmony. They released two albums before Cabello embarked on her own—and achieved mind-boggling fame. Her singles “Havana” and “Señorita” (with Mendes) topped the charts worldwide. She’s earned three Grammy nominations, become a face of L’Oréal, and tried her hand at not just acting but starring in a feature film: this year’s Cinderella remake on Amazon Prime. Her third studio album, Familia, is due out later this year.

By all accounts it’s a lot. Careerwise it’s the closest things have felt to prepandemic times, when she was working constantly, arguably to an exhausting degree. As COVID-19 shutdowns went into effect last March, Cabello was able to realize just how tired she was.

“I by no means am trying to complain,” she says, “but it was such a thing of, ‘I have to get onstage tomorrow and I’m performing at this big thing,’ or whatever. ‘I want to do a good job. How do I do that when I feel nervous?’ I did this without being like, ‘Am I even happy right now? Do I even feel healthy?’ I didn’t have the space to ask myself those questions. I’m still working a ton now, but after quarantine I’m able to be like, ‘You know what? Right now I’m just not happy. I need to change something.’”

Therapy helped her see the changes she needed to make. Cabello tells me she’d experimented with therapy before the pandemic, but it was always situation focused—quick fixes to help her tackle the next performance or songwriting session. But with time at home, she dug deeper: “Because I wasn’t stressed about all the things I needed to do the next day, I was able to slow down and have enough stability to look at my stuff.”

Cabello doesn’t expand on what that “stuff” is. She does, however, explain why she decided to switch therapists as her internal work continued. “I wasn’t feeling like I was progressing in the areas I wanted to progress,” she says. “But when I switched, I found I was able to apply what they said in a way that benefited my mental health.”

One lesson she’s learned is the power of saying no. Two hit albums under her belt give Cabello the freedom to do things her way. Now she always has one day off a week, minimum. And when time came to start work on Familia, she forwent the standard pop music factory for a more intimate approach. The new album was made with just a handful of collaborators she could be open with. If Cabello was feeling anxious or nervous in a session, she had the space to address it. As a result, she says, it’s her best work yet.

“It’s the most grounded and calm I’ve ever been making an album,” she says. “I worked with people I wanted to have dinner with, and I was like, ‘I’m not going to write every single day for months, but write a few days a week and have time to gather experiences and be a human being.’”

Shawn Mendes is one of the people she’s gathering experiences with. The two singers confirmed their relationship in September 2019, and they’ve been tabloid magnets ever since. Everything from their laughably slow pandemic walks to their kissing style is dissected with a fine-tooth comb. A clip of them getting ready for the Met gala went instantly viral.

Cabello tells me she and Mendes try to avoid the social media chatter about their relationship, but it inevitably seeps in. “When stuff that’s negative is out there, it’s going to get to you,” she says. “So yeah, that’s very, very challenging. I feel like it’s another thing therapy has been really helpful for.”

Mendes goes to therapy too. While Cabello says she and Mendes haven’t done couples therapy—though she’d be open to it—they very much work on their mental health together.

“For better, for worse, we’re very transparent with each other. I think that’s why we can trust each other so much, because it’s a very 3D human relationship,” she says. “I’ll be venting or ranting about something, and he’ll be like, ‘Have you talked to X about it?’ And I’ll be like, ‘No. I’ve got to do a session.’ And he’ll do the same thing to me. I think even just the language of being like, ‘Hey, I’m sorry that I’ve been distant with you or snappy with you. I’m just struggling and I’m feeling kind of anxious.’ That level of transparency really helps a lot.”

Mendes echoes Cabello’s thoughts. “Camila and I give each other an extreme amount of patience and understanding,” he tells me via email. “I think the truth is that when you’re struggling with mental health, it turns you sometimes into the version of yourself that you don’t like to be—and kind of loving and accepting your person through that, and being there for them through that, is life-changing. We give each other so much space and understanding and patience.”

A behind-the-scenes VMAs story perfectly illustrates this. When Cabello was nervous meeting new people at an after-party, she caught herself leaning on a habit she’s trying to break. Mendes helped her through it.

“I have this pattern of eating a lot when I’m anxious or uncomfortable,” she says. “It’s a comfort thing for me. I’ll just kind of become unconscious and zombie-eat a lot, and then I’ll feel sick. I’ve told Shawn about that. So at the VMAs party, I was like, ‘I’m doing it.’ And he was like, ‘It’s okay. You’re doing it. That’s okay. Let’s just take a breath and not do that.’ It’s really good for me to be able to talk about my patterns with someone.”

Food and body image are two things that have really been on Cabello’s mind this year. A July TikTok she posted shutting down body-shamers racked up 4.8 million likes. “Being at war with your body is so last season,” she says in the video, which she posted after photos of her running in Los Angeles made the rounds online.

That mantra is true, sure, but it’s easier said than done. Even Cabello has difficulty following it. She braced herself for what she might feel when those aforementioned bikini pics went live: “I need to work out. I need to eat better.” “Not that those things are bad,” she says. “But maybe I wouldn’t think about them as much if there weren’t people taking pictures of me.”

It’s not just the paparazzi who ignite moments of self-doubt. Cabello tells me about a time she was exercising with her trainer, Jenna Willis—who’s great, she says—and feeling insecure. “She’s the same height as me, and I was kind of comparing myself to her, because she is a lot skinnier than I am,” she recalls. “I was just like, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been working out and I look better, right? I look better, right?’”

It’s Willis who helped silence those voices in Cabello’s head, reminding her that how she feels is more important than appearances; that life is about balance and enjoying food. These are health philosophies we’ve all heard—but when you’re Camila Cabello and millions are picking apart your beach photos, it’s hard to tune out the noise. Now when she’s feeling down on herself, she just turns her phone off and goes outside.

“When I’m having negative thoughts about my body, that’s actually when I’ll want to binge-eat cookies, and then I have a stomachache,” she says. “It’s this weird psychology: The more I love my body, the more I actually want to take care of it…. As long as I’m healthy and working out and feel good, that’s the best I can do. There’s no point in trying to have another kind of body.”

By this point in our conversation, Cabello’s made it to her destination. When I ask if she’ll have time to chill and decompress, she says, “To be honest, not yet, but I will after this weekend.” There’s a calmness in her voice when she says this—a stillness, a readiness. She seems perfectly prepared for what lies ahead: album promo, performances, and undoubtedly more scrutiny about her body, her relationship, her everything. But she’ll be fine, because just around the corner is a day off. That’s nonnegotiable.

“It’s important to be on top of not just what’s making you sad or anxious, but also what’s giving you joy,” she says. “I want to be happy and enjoy my life. That’s kind of it.”

[starship-squidlet]

Twelfth Night: Chapter Eleven, Pipers Piping

Summary: Back to work after Christmas! Things are a little tense, but everyone is just ready for the show to end...

Word count: 1,722

Disclaimer: Twelfth Night Preface

Tag list: @the-cowbi @prettyinlimegreenboots @fifty-for-the-racer @aggressive-bucky-barnes-stan (ask to be added/removed!)

A/N: Second to last chapter! This story has flown by so fast... I’m going to post the preface to the next story (The Green Fields of France, which will start posting 1/14 probably) I’m working on either tonight or tomorrow, so if you’re interested in being tagged in that please let me know!!! The sequel to Twelfth Night, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, will becoming at some point towards the end of February/early March, so keep an eye out for that as well!!! (Also coming soon: Space Pirates AU, and the New Music spinoff #2 and sequel!) Feel free to reach out and chat if you’re interested in knowing more about any of those, or if you want to be tagged when they’re posted!!!

Anyways, I hope this chapter isn’t too boring! It’s a lot of exposition and internal monologue because... at this point in a show... that’s about all you feel like doing 😂

Joke of the Day: What’s black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white? A penguin rolling down a hil!!!

Previous chapter: Lords A-Leaping

Next chapter: Drummers Drumming

No-one wanted to go to work on the twenty-sixth. Since Christmas Day had been so drowsy, they’d all had a hard time sleeping that night, so dragging themselves out of bed to get ready for work had been challenging. There was no lack of envy for Will, Alden, and Alan, who didn’t have to be in until two hours later than the others, although they still got up at the same time in a show of solidarity. Jack, Crutchie, and Elaine had to drag themselves down the block to the parking lot, almost completely silent save for the odd yawn or wordless grumble that escaped as they drove to the theatre. Inside, everyone else was just as still and quiet as they were—a “Christmas hangover”, as Race put it.

Jack moved through his pre-show preparations like he was moving through soup. Everything seemed more difficult than it should be, even simple things like rolling the cart-mounted carousel horses across the wagon house or rigging the carnival games. Elaine trudged through the wagon house, dragging the z-rack full of freshly-pressed dress shirts and scowling as the first performers began to arrive and fill the wagon house with their chatter—although even they weren’t as loud as normal. Not that anyone on the crew was complaining about that.

The only group that had even close to its normal level of energy was the child and teenage performers, who burst through the door in small packs, each one its own explosion of noise and color and force. Behind one of the little groups—the one containing one Leslie Jacobs—Jack had to hide a grin at the sight of an utterly exhausted-looking Davey Jacobs. When Davey caught sight of Jack, he perked up and smiled, giving the other man a small wave, before vanishing into the stairwell. A few minutes later, he was back, and sat down next to Jack on the bench by the stage right door with a sigh.

“How was your break?” Jack laughed.

“Well, we kind of crammed everything about Hanukkah—besides the candles; we did those during Hanukkah, but didn’t have time for anything else between working and finals and everything—into the past three days, and spent a lot of time on video chat with our parents. They wanted to come home, but decided it was probably best to just wait until the show closed because a lot of the time a second round of sick goes through in the last week just because everyone’s exhausted.”

“Great,” Jack groaned.

They watched Albert and Elaine walk past and pointedly ignore each other. Both of them arched their eyebrows at the odd interaction—or, rather, lack thereof—and watched the two head their separate directions.

“That was weird,” Davey observed.

“Yeah… I’m not really sure what it’s about. They were fine earlier.” Jack looked around and waved JoJo over. “Hey, what’s up with Albert and Elaine.”

JoJo shrugged. “Who knows. We’re all exhausted. They always fight when they’re tired. It’s probably nothing.”

Before the break, Jack had thought that the final Sunday’s show had been the slowest of the run. He had been wrong. The first show back was the slowest one—literally and figuratively; not only did it feel like it was dragging on, but, upon checking the time on his phone (repeatedly) he realized that was actually taking longer than normal to get through the show.

“Does the music sound slower to you?” he asked Race and Albert at one point as they moved the stage right house into place for a scene.

“Definitely,” Race grumbled.

“Even the band is out of patience with the show,” said Albert.

The second act, despite the high-energy start with the dancing and singing elves, things seemed to get even slower. From Race’s headset, Jack could hear the stage manager complaining about the lack of energy and speed—very loudly—and had to laugh. There was nothing to be done about it, after all.

The second show wasn’t much better, although the tempo picked up a little bit. They were still a few minutes longer than their normal run time, but had halved the amount of time that the day’s first show ran over.

For the rest of the week, things slowly moved closer and closer to normal. Everyone was still quiet and a bit lackluster, but the onstage energy picked up considerably the more shows they did—and the closer to closing they got. No-one ever figured out why Elaine and Albert were mad at each other, and Jack had a sneaking suspicion even the two of them wouldn’t have been able to answer if asked, but they were back to their normal scheming selves in a few days. Jack and Race decided to thank Mike, Ike, and JoJo for that, as another snowball war had been started—although this one was a stealth version that involved sneaking up on people before, after, and between shows; during intermissions; and even during lulls in the shows themselves and snipe-shotting one’s opponent with one of the little stuffed snowballs. Elaine always had a snow-puff in one of her apron pockets, and Albert kept at least one in the cargo pockets of his pants at all times. Jack guessed that Mike, Ike, JoJo, and Romeo—who was drawn into the war a little later—kept them on their persons most of the time as well. He never quite got used to the sight of fist-sized balls of fluff flying past his face in the middle of carrying props across the wagon house, usually followed by a startled yelp.

To everyone’s surprise, Elaine was the best participant in the war, and, when they were scolded by Weisel and called the competition off, she was declared MVP. Despite self-professed bad aim and poor depth perception—which the others could confirm, as other accuracy-based games that were played amongst the crew had illustrated her poor performance in these categories over the past months—she was scarily accurate with the light snow-puffs. It became common for her opponents to be in the middle of a conversation only to have a small ball of fiberfill and faux fur hit them in the back or head and to see a giggling, grinning Elaine dart around a corner or into a stairwell on the far side of the wagon house.

As they counted down to their final show, it was almost like everyone’s breath was held at the same time. The shows started to get faster now, and the protests by the stage manager over headset became pleas to slow down rather than speed up. Even the dancers commented on the increase in tempo, coming off from the tap number and elf sections breathless, sweaty, and laughing. A new energy seemed to be building up amongst both cast and crew, and Jack felt himself getting caught up in it without even noticing, the sort of energy that came with a storm on the horizon, with a wave about to crest in the ocean—with any sort of impending change.

Yet, with that nervous energy came an odd undercurrent of sorrow. As awful as so many of the parts of the show and its run had felt, as draining as the experience had been, as much as Jack wanted to be able to take a few days and just sleep—even though he knew that half of January was packed full of concerts and tours so he wouldn’t be able to do so for long—he was sad to see the show ending. Les Mis hadn’t felt like this, at least not that he could remember. He had felt ambivalent to tear that set apart after the final show, and happy to run his track for the final time. He wasn’t sure if it was because he had spent more time and energy working on the Christmas build, or just because he had grown so much more attached to the people he worked (and lived) with during this run, but he was truly sorry to see it go.

December 29th, 2019 was the second-to-last night of shows. Most of the performers spent more time than usual in the dressing rooms after the show, collecting personal belongings to take home with them. Many of them would be leaving the city or even state the next day, after the final show, heading for jobs at other theatres, as most of them weren’t permanent residents—the exceptions being two of the male singers, along with Alan, Alden, Will, and the show captain—of Santa Fe. One of the kid casts had had their final show the day before and had said tearful goodbyes to the adult cast members, each other, and even some of the crew. Some of them had returned tonight to see some of their friends on the other cast, and another round of tears went through the wagon house. Tonight’s kids cast had laid out their show t-shirts on the wagon house carpet and asked everyone to sign them. To his surprise, even Jack had been asked to sign several, and had reluctantly given in and done so.

Another reason that the ending of the show was particularly bittersweet, for Jack and his roommates, was that Will had told them, a few weeks earlier, that he would be moving back home to London in January, after accepting a job there. Despite jokes about having more space in the apartment and one less person to share the bathroom with, everyone was sad to see him leave, even Jack and Crutchie, despite only having known him for a few months. As the penultimate show drew to a close, Jack couldn’t help but notice Alan, Alden, and Elaine’s misty eyes as they prepared to say goodbye to their long-time friend and partner. He swallowed a lump in his own throat. It would certainly be strange to not hear Will’s accent somehow always discernible through the chatter of the entire cast, or run into him heading for the bathroom in the middle of the night at home. He’d be around for another week before leaving—it wasn’t like he was flying out after the last show, like most of the others, but quite suddenly it felt very much like he was going to be gone before they knew it. Maybe, Jack thought, that the show they had almost felt would go on forever was finally coming to an end…

[lesbeet]

not to be a nerd but i accidentally just wrote a whole impromptu essay about editing ndjsdksksk im throwing it under a cut bc it's fucking inane and really long but honestly... i just want other people to become as passionate about editing as i am lmaooooo

i also recommend 2 books in the post so if anything at least check those out!

quality books about editing... *chef's kiss* a lot of the basic ones (including blog posts online n such) are geared towards beginners and end up repeating the same info/advice, much of it either oversimplified or misrepresented tbh. but i read one yesterday and i'm reading another one right now that really convey this passion for editing + consideration for it as its own sort of art and i just!!

it's such a weird thing to be passionate about lmao but i AM and i've spent a lot of time the past year or so consciously honing my craft (ik i mention this like 4 times a week i'm just really proud of how much i've learned and improved) and kind of like. solidifying my instincts into conscious choices i guess?

and these GOOD editing books have both a) taught me new information and/or presented familiar information through a new perspective that helped me understand something differently or in more depth, and b) validated or even just put into words certain preferences or techniques that i've developed on my own, that i don't normally see on those more basic lists i mentioned

btw the book i finished yesterday is self-editing for fiction writers: how to edit yourself into print by renni brown and dave king, and the one i'm reading currently is the artful edit: on the practice of editing yourself by susan bell.

the former was pretty sharp and straightforward. the authors demonstrated some of their points directly in the text, which was usually funny enough that i would show certain quotes to my sister without context

("Just think about how much power a single obscenity can have if it’s the only one in the whole fucking book." <- (it was)

"Frequent italics have come to signal weak writing. So you should never resort to them unless they are the only practical choice, as with the kind of self-conscious internal dialogue shown above or an occasional emphasis."

or, my favorite: "There are a few stylistic devices that are so “tacky” they should be used very sparingly, if at all. First on the list is emphasis quotes, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. The only time you need to use them is to show you are referring to the word itself, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. Read it again; it all makes sense.")

and like i said, i also learned some new ideas or techniques (or they articulated vague ideas i already had but struggled to put into practice), AND they mentioned some suggestions that ive literally never seen anyone else bring up (not to say no one has! just that ive never seen it, and ive seen a lot in terms of writing tips, advice, best practices, etc) that ive already sort of established in my own writing

for example they went into pretty fine detail about dialogue mechanics, more than i usually see, and in talking about the pacing and proportion of "beats" and dialogue in a given scene, they explicitly suggested that, if a character speaks more than a sentence or two and you plan on giving them some sort of dialogue tag or an action to perform as a beat, the tag or action should be placed at one of the earliest (if not the first) natural pauses in the dialogue, so as not to distance the character too far from the dialogue -- bc otherwise the reader ends up getting all of the dialogue information first, and then has to go back and retroactively insert the character, or what they're doing, or the way they look/sound while they're giving their little speech

and like this was something ive figured out on my own, mostly bc it jarred me out of something i was reading enough times (probably in fic tbh) that i started noticing it, and realized that it's something i do naturally, kind of to anchor the character to the dialogue mechanic to make sure it makes sense with the actual dialogue

so like. ok here's an example i just randomly pulled from the song of achilles (it was available on scribd so i just looked for a spot that worked to illustrate my point djsmsks)

the actual quote is written effectively, but here's a less effective version first:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him. He’s done nothing to me," Achilles answered coolly.

see and even with such a short snippet it's so much smoother and more vivid just by moving the dialogue tag, not adding or cutting a word:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him.” Achilles answered coolly. “He’s done nothing to me.”

the rhythm of it is better, and the beat that the dialogue tag creates functions as a natural dramatic pause before achilles delivers an incredibly poignant line, both within the immediate context of the scene and because we as the readers can recognize it as foreshadowing. plus, it flows smoothly because that beat was inserted where the dialogue already contained a natural pause, just bc that's how people speak. if you read both versions aloud, they both make sense, but the second version (the original used in the novel) accounts for the rhythm of dialogue, the way people tend to process information as they read, AND the greater context of the story, and as a result packs significantly more purpose, information, and effect into the same exact set of words

and THAT, folks, is the kind of editing minutia i can literally sit and hyperfocus on for hours without noticing. anyway it's a good book lmao

the one i'm reading now is a lot more about the cognitive process/es of editing, so there's less concrete and specific advice (so far, anyway) and more discussion about different mental approaches to editing, as well as tips and tools for making a firm distinction between your writer brain and your editor brain, which is something i struggle with

but there have been so many good quotes that ive highlighted! a lot of just like. reminders and things to think about, and also just lovely articulations of things id thought of or come to understand in much more vague ways.

scribd won't let me copy/paste this one bc it's a document copy and not an actual ebook, but this passage is talking about how the simple act of showing a piece of writing to someone else for the very first time can spark a sudden shift in perspective on the work, bc you'll (or at least i) frantically try to re-read it through their eyes and end up noticing a bunch of new errors -

or she talked about the perils of constant re-reading in the middle of writing a draft, which is something i struggle with a LOT, both bc i'm a perfectionist and bc i prefer editing to writing so i sit and edit when i'm procrastinating doing the actual hard work of writing lmao

it's just this side of fake deep tbh but i so rarely see editing discussed like this--as a mixture of art and science, a collaboration between instinct and technique, that really requires "both sides of the brain" to be done well.

and because of the way my own brain works, activities that require such a balanced concentration of creativity and logic really appeal to me. even though ive seen a lot of people (even professional writers) who frame it as the creative art of writing vs the logical discipline of editing. but i think that's such a misleading way of thinking about it, because writing and editing both require creativity and logic -- just different kinds! (not to mention that the line between writing and editing, while mostly clear, can get a little blurry from up close)

but like...all stories have an inner logic to them, even if the writer hasn't explicitly or consciously planned it, and even if the logic is faulty in places in the first couple of drafts. when you're sitting and daydreaming about your story, especially if you're trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between two points or scenes (or, how to write a sequence of events that presents as a logical, inevitable progression of cause and effect), the voice in your head that evaluates an idea and decides to 1) go with it, 2) scrap it, 3) tweak it until it works, or 4) hold onto it in case you want it later? that's your logic! if an idea feels wrong, or like it just doesn't work, it's probably because some part of you is detecting a conflict between some part of the idea and the overall logic of your story. every decision you make as you write is formed by and checked against your own experiential logic, and also by the internal logic of your story, which is far less developed (or at least, one would hope), and therefore more prone to the occasional laspe

but while ive seen a number of articles that discuss the logic of writing, i don't see people gushing as much about the art of editing and it's such a shame

the inner editor is so often characterized as the responsible parent to the writer's carefree child, or a relentless critic of the writer's unselfconscious, unpolished drivel

and it's like... maybe you just hate thinking critically about your work! maybe you view it that way because you're imposing external standards too fiercely onto your writing, and it's sucked the joy out of shaping and sculpting your words until they sing. maybe you prefer to conceive of your writing as divine communication, the process of which must remain unencumbered by lessons learned through experience or the vulnerability of self-reflection, until the buzzkill inner editor shows up with all those "rules" and "conventions" that only matter if you're trying to get published

and like obviously the market doesn't dictate which conventions are worth following, but the majority of widely-agreed-upon writing standards, especially those aimed at beginners, (and most especially those regarding style, as opposed to story structure) have to do with the effectiveness and efficiency of prose, and, in addition to often serving as a shorthand for distinguishing an amateur from a pro, overall help to increase poignancy and clarity, which is crucial no matter the genre or type of writing. and even if you personally believe otherwise, it's better to understand the conventions so you can break them with real purpose.

so editing shouldn't be about trying to shove your pristine artistic masterpiece into a conventional mold, it should be about using the creative instincts of your ear and your logic and experience-based understanding of writing as a craft to hone your words until you've told your story as effectively as possible

thank u for coming to my ted talk ✌️

[testamari-blog]

Why we should be excited about Elon Musk’s Neuralink?

--Elon Musk next to the surgical robot, Neuralink presentation. Source: thesun.co.uk--

The presentation of Elon Musk’s new venture Neuralink has come and gone a couple of weeks ago, but perhaps it didn’t create the fuss it deserved. Of course comparing a project recruiting presentation to an actual rocket launch is not fair, though brain-chip integration is not a topic to overlook.

Before I go too ahead of myself, let’s look at the main points of the presentation to see what’s this all about:

Neuralink is a coin-sized chip that is to be integrated to the brain. The integration requires a brain surgery, where a part of the skull is removed and the electrodes of the chip are sewed into the neural connections of the brain.

--Neuralink chip location on the brain, which replaces a piece of skull. Source: cnet.com--

Appropriately, the project consists of two parts: the chip and the surgical robot. Elon stressed that the aim is to make the complete operation mechanical, removing the element of human error. At its apex, a Neuralink insertion operation will take an hour, won’t require general anesthesia, and the patient (or the customer in this case) can leave the facility in a couple of hours.

A day with the Neuralink chip will look like this: you charge the chip contactless overnight, which provides enough battery for 24 hours. During the day, the chip both reads your thoughts and does what you want, in addition to providing information seamlessly. To learn about the weather, you just think about it, the chip searches it through the web and - with lack of a better term - whispers you the result.

They also demonstrated the effects of the chip on pigs: one that doesn’t have, one does, and one that used to have. All the pigs seemed fine (of course I’m no veterinarian), and the one with the chip sent live signals whenever it smelled stuff. Plus, they showed a video demonstration, where a pig is walking on the treadmill, and they are able to accurately predict the joint locations based on the data that the chip sends.

--Live demonstration on pigs. Source: theverge.com--

The presentation ended with a Q&A. The highlights of this part for me were;

The promise that this chip can solve brain related or neural problems like depression, eyesight loss, parkinsons etc.

After it’s settled, the whole procedure (surgery + the chip) will be available for a couple of thousand dollars.

The things you can do with this will wary: from fetching your car (they said Tesla of course) to playing a video game or driving a car without any physical action.

They also mentioned ‘saving memories’ at some point. I don’t know how I felt about this (frightened probably), but it immediately reminded me of the Braindance concept of Cyberpunk 2077 (this video explains this concept in the lore of the game. But quickly, Braindance enables other people to live captured memories of another: sense, hear, see).

Now let’s examine further what does this all mean. But first of all, we must understand that this project has two main challenges: the procedure and the technology. The hardware challenge consists of the task of inserting a chip, which is a foreign object to the body, into the brain. And this is much harder than it seems. Not only such a delicate electronic device should stay perfectly operational inside the body, but also it should cause no harm to the carrier over the years. The technology on the other hand, seems like a nightmare. The requirements it brings are enormous. First, the elephant in the room, it must solve some of the everlasting mysteries of the human brain and the neural system. Second, it must be able to do it with a piece of hardware that is as big as a coin. Last, as the data in the question is the most sensitive of all - literally one’s thoughts - it must bring the state-of-the-art privacy applications alongside. 

The issues of hardware size and privacy are easier to discuss, and go hand in hand. Due to size limitations, the chip is apparently designed as simple as possible, just capable about collecting neural data and sending it to a cloud. This means you should always be around wireless internet connection for this device to run. One thing that the chip must certainly do though, is the encryption of the neural data before sending it to the cloud, and decryption of the incoming data from the cloud (for an illustration of what encryption/decryption is, see the following figure).

--A basic encryption/decryption procedure, where both sides (it would be the chip and the cloud in the case of Neuralink) share a secret key. This key can be used to scramble the data when sending, and to unscramble when received. That way, anybody listening to the channel in between cannot understand what the data means. Source: cheapsslshop.com--

Now the neural aspect - I should say what I think about this up front: Neuralink at this stage didn’t show anything new. I can understand that the smelling experiment and the joint prediction can appear out of this world to some, though this is general knowledge today. For long, people have been examining brain scans to understand how particular movements or thoughts map to regions of the brain (see this video for such an experiment). You can then use this signal to understand when the smell receptors are at play, or, with the help of machine learning, you can predict the body positions. Going even further - a colleague of mine once told me about their bachelor’s graduation project: neural prediction of when a person is happy or sad. And they did it by using external electrodes to the head, and some kitten pictures. And this was years ago. One credit of amazement however I can give is: the same chip, from a singular position and limited number of neural connections, can be used to process both things - though it wasn’t explained whether the same chip and the same animal was used for both experiments.

This brings the question of “Is Neuralink selling a dream” for me. And my answer is “Definitely yes!”. What they described to be possible, such as the chip ‘writing an answer directly to your brain’ or ‘recording your thoughts/memories’ is by no means a capability of today’s science. These tasks are fundamentally different than searching some correlations between neural activity, as they require the complete deciphering of the neural activity. Today, we have very limited idea how a neuron, or a group of neurons store information. Thus, we cannot convert their activity to what we see, hear, or think externally. That’s also why we cannot write information to somebody’s brain - the best we can do is to hit somebody in back of their head, to make them see a flash in their sight (this is a bit exaggerated, but you get the point).

But then why should we be excited about Neuralink, if it is just selling dreams? Because there are categories of doing that. I mean, if your sailor friend during the high Middle Ages started talking about ‘going beyond the sky’, just because you can sail in the oceans now, there would be no reason to take this seriously. But if your engineer friend started talking about the same thing, after the jet engine was invented in the later stages of the Second World War, there would be indeed reasons to be excited about it. What we saw in this presentation has told to me that we are in the second scenario. Integrating a chip to a brain without any damage, and then successfully extracting neural information is a great first step. And this has always held true: “Sic parvis magna”.

--“Sic parvis magna”. Literally the Latin for ‘small, just as big’. Usually it’s meaning is translated as ‘greatness from small beginnings’. Source: pinterest.com--

So finally, would I get this chip for my brain? No - not as soon as it’s available at least. The following are my considerations - when they are satisfied, only then I can consider having a brain surgery to get an implant:

It does much more than being a version of Siri. It enables me to control the electronic environment around me. Plus it creates some sort of augmented reality - for instance it can highlight the objects that I’m searching for.

It does not transfer any data out of my head, except a command or a internet related search. No matter how secure, I’m not ok with my thoughts exiting my head (literally). It should do all the processing locally, and contact the cloud when I ask for a question, or make a command to the external world.

Many people use it for some time and experience no side-effects.

Let me finish with a disclaimer, as this is my first post: I do write about subjects that I’m interested in, in an informed but not in an academic manner. Therefore, consider this and future content as such.

[boywizardscanbecute]

A Slow Burn- part 1

Hey guys! Here’s a loooong theseus x reader fic, part 1 of 2. Sorry to leave you with a cliffhanger :) Hope you enjoy and as always my requests are open! 

*Not my gif*

taglist: @bowtrucklescamander, @clockworkherondale

word count: 17,000

Summary: Post CoG by about 9 months. Newt reluctantly lets Bunty go when he figures out how in love with him she is. You’re Newt’s new assistant and illustrator of the new editions of his book. Him and Tina are in an established relationship and you’re close friends with both of them. Newt made you come to ministry events because if him and Tina had to go, then so did you. Newt’s primary purpose was the new edition of his book, but he helped out the ministry in regards to Grindelwald, sort of a volunteer auror. You had only met Newt after the events of CoG, when Dumbledore recommended you. Slowly, you begin to fall in love with Newt’s older brother Theseus. 

Two weeks after you started working for Newt. 

“Accio niffler!” you call, pulling Einstein the baby niffler into your arms and returning him to his locked habitat. “Well done,” Newt pats you on the back. Feeding the nifflers you ask, “Where’s Tina?” Newt immediately smiles and says, “She’s at the ministry, working on her transfer paperwork. Should be back soon.” You nod and continue your rounds around the case, feeding the animals. “Who do you need me to sketch next?” you ask Newt. He replies, “The illustrated edition isn’t due to come out for a year so you don’t have to go in order y/n. Sketch whoever you’d like.” So you grab your sketchbook and immediately head for the mooncalves, a personal favorite of yours. Losing yourself in the illustration, you jump when Tina and Newt come up behind you. “Merlin’s beard you scared me! What’s going on?” Newt replies, “There’s a ministry event tonight. Travers’s 20th anniversary of the head of the department.” “What does that have to do with me?” you ask him. He tells you, “Tina and I want you to come with!” You immediately blush saying, “Newt I’m just your assistant. It wouldn’t be appropriate.” He shrugs your comment off, “Nonsense. You’re my friend, and you’re the illustrator of the new edition of my book. People will want to meet you.” “An illustrator isn’t nearly as important as the author,” you counter. Tina interjects, “Y/n, you are terribly talented. You should come and meet everyone. Besides, Newt is constantly being pulled away by important ministry employees and I could use someone to keep me from getting bored.” You laugh, “Me at a ministry event? Does that sound like me at all?” Newt chuckles, “No it doesn’t. But it doesn’t sound like me either. If we have to go you do too.” You groan, “Fine. Now just how fancy is this thing?” Newt returns your frown and says, “It’s a banquet, so pretty fancy.” “And when is this event?” you ask. “In 2 hours,” Tina returns. “Bloody hell that’s barely enough time to get ready,” you say, jumping up and turning to run upstairs. Tina follows you.  

“What are you wearing?” you ask Tina, the woman notorious for pantsuits. “I’m not sure. I was thinking just a beaded dress with capped sleeves. I’ve got this real nice navy blue one,” she comments. “That will look fantastic on you,” you tell her. “What will you wear?” she asks, changing into her dress. Pulling out one of the only fancy dresses in your wardrobe, you show it to Tina. It was a tea length dress that had wide straps that covered your shoulders, made of satin material and colored black. The material plunged to a somewhat appropriate depth on your chest. Pairing it with matching black, open toed high heels, you wore your hair in a soft, low bun and added dangly, tear drop shaped diamond earrings. Wisps of your hair fell out and framed your face but you didn’t care. On your face you only wore a light gold eyeshadow and red lipstick. You finished off the look by extending your eyelashes. “You look gorgeous. I’m jealous,” Tina tells you. Laughing, you reply, “Tina. You’re with a man who only has eyes for you. Trust me.” Newt appeared in the doorway and just as you had predicted, Newt’s eyes immediately went to Tina. He stepped over to her and lightly kissed her on the cheek. “You look beautiful,” he tells her. Tina blushes and says, “Thanks.” After gazing at her one last time Newt asks, “Ready to go?” You reluctantly nod. So Newt takes Tina’s hand and you take Tina’s as well. 

Arriving at what you can only assume is Travers’s house, you’re shocked at how big it is. Releasing Tina’s hand, you walk behind the happy couple feeling oddly out of place. Everyone was with someone. Everyone except you. It bothered you to be seen without a companion. It wasn’t completely outrageous, you were only 26, but nevertheless it still embarrassed you. 

The first person to approach the three of you is one of the publishers at Obscurus Books, someone you recognized as Mr. Ethan Virgil. “Ah Mr. Scamander, Ms. Goldstein, Ms. l/n, how are you all this evening?” “Just fine,” Newt replies. Turning to you, the executive asks, “And how are the illustrations coming?” You eagerly jump into detail about your artwork, something you were extremely passionate about along with magical creatures. “They sound marvelous. Would you mind sending me over a small sample? No particular reason, I’m just quite eager to see more of your work. Your reputation precedes you,” he tells you. Blushing, you reply, “Of course Mr. Virgil. I’ll send them over as quickly as possible.” He turns back to Newt and says, “Where is that brother of yours?” You’d heard of Newt’s brother Theseus, everyone had. He fought alongside the muggles in the war, he was considered a war hero and was head auror. He was also a man who, almost a year ago, lost his fiance. You’d never met him. Newt answers, “I’m not sure where Theseus has gone off to. I know that he was gone, sent to try and follow a trail that's gone cold.” Mr. Virgil replies, “Yes, everyone does seem to be on edge with the fact that Grindelwald cannot be found.” More people arrived and soon the publisher announced that he had to leave. 

Lingering around the refreshments table, you watched as Newt was dragged away by a ministry official. Even nearly 10 months later, people still wanted to hear Newt recalling the events of Paris. He, however, was able to talk about it, because even though Leta died, he had Tina. “This is extremely boring,” you say to Tina through bites of food. “I agree. But what are you gonna do? Newt and I were apart of the events that happened that night. And since Grindelwald hasn’t been spotted since, everyone is extremely on edge,” Tina says. You sigh, “It’s not only that. Newt’s book is becoming more and more famous and people want to know about him. I’ve already had people interested in me anyways.” “Why?” Tina asks curiously. You bite your lip, considering if you should tell her or not. “Well?” Tina implores you. You huff, “I’ve done more illustrations for the public before.” “Like what?” she asks eagerly. “Like….  Maybe the illustrations of the reprint of The Tales of Beedle the Bard.” Her jaw drops. She babbles, “Okay I know that that book isn’t really famous in America but even I have heard of it. That’s amazing!” You blush and look down, “It’s not a super big deal.” She scoffs, “Yeah okay.” After a beat she adds, “But that edition came out like three years ago. You mean to tell me that you became a published illustrator at age 23?” “I guess, yeah,” you whisper. “So why are you working as Newt’s assistant?” she questions. “Because. I like illustrating but I also am passionate about magical creatures. Combining them brings me the most happiness,” you comment. Tina just hugs you and breathes, “You’re brilliant.” 

Newt soon walks back over, a tall man in tow behind him. Studying the man, you realize just how similar he looks to Newt. He had dark auburn hair with the same curls as Newt. Freckles covered his face, but instead of Newt’s green, this man had stunningly blue eyes. He walks with his head down. Gracing Tina’s cheek with a swift kiss, Newt says, “Y/n, I’d like to introduce you to my older brother, Theseus Scamander, head auror for the Ministry of Magic.” You smiled at the tall man and held your hand out for him to shake. His eyes studied your face closely, and you felt yourself blush under his gaze. Shaking his hand you tell him, “I’m y/n l/n, Newt’s new assistant.” He gives you a soft smile, his hand lingering briefly in yours. Then he shoves his hands in his pockets. Turning to Newt he asks, “What happened to Bunty?” Newt awkwardly rubs his neck and replies, “Bunty was…. Infatuated with me. It didn’t seem fair to her especially now that I’m with Tina. Besides, y/n is not just my assistant. She’s illustrating the next version of my book.” At the last comment, Theseus looks back at you and studies you again. You return his gaze and say, “It’s really an honor to meet you Theseus. You’ve done so many great things.” Theseus, a man who has never once blushed in public, blushes and mumbled, “Thanks.” Tina speaks up, “Y/n also illustrated the new edition of the Tales of Beedle the Bard that came out three years ago.” Theseus’s eyes widen in surprise. “You’re really talented,” he compliments you. “Thank you Mr. Scamander,” you answer. “Please call me Theseus,” he tells you. Theseus then includes his brother in the conversation once again and claps him on the back, saying, “Hopefully my baby brother doesn’t work you too hard.” You look at Newt, someone who hated being called a baby brother. Smiling you say, “No he doesn’t. Besides, I love the work.” “Are you a magizoologist then as well?” Theseus asks you. Considering the thought you say, “Aspiring. Maybe.” 

Dinner is served and you can’t ignore the pleasant feeling in your stomach at the fact that your name card sits next to one that’s labeled T. Scamander. You quickly find yourself lost when you sit down and look at what must be at least 12 different utensils. “Merlin’s beard what are these all for?” you hiss under your breath to Tina. She just shook her head, “You think I would know?” Theseus gracefully sits down next to you. It’s then that you look and appreciate just how great he looks in his tux. The first course is served, a salad, and you reach for one of the various forks in front of you. Theseus leans over to you and whispers, “That’s not the salad fork.” Setting the larger fork back down you turn, looking into his big blue eyes, and ask, “What’s a salad fork.” Theseus struggles to not burst out laughing as he takes a sip of water. It results in him coughing profusely, trying to cover up his laugh. Your face turns beet red and you ask, “Are you okay?” Recovering, he says politely, “Yes I’m fine, thank you.” Leaning closer again he whispers, “Just follow my lead and you’ll survive.” His breath tickles your ear and you force out a reply, “Thank you.” Tina and Newt are unaware of this interaction, lost in their own little world of new love. Following Theseus’s lead, you pick up a rather small fork and eat your salad. 

After dinner, the dancing begins, much to your distress. Newt asks Tina to dance right away. Before she’s swept onto the dance floor Tina tells you, “Don’t worry, I’m sure someone will ask you to dance. I’ve seen so many sets of eyes on you tonight. Just try to relax.” You give Tina a pouty look. “Oh come on don’t look at me like that,” she stomps her foot. Rolling your eyes you huff, “Oh just go dance.” She smiles and walks away, towards Newt. You slowly saunter over to the refreshment table, picking up a glass of champagne. Sipping on it slowly, you watch the couples around you swirl on the dance floor. A tall figure gradually walks over, and stands beside you. Turning and looking up at him, you realize it’s Theseus. Immediately you gush, “Thank you again for helping me at dinner Theseus.” He smiles, “I haven’t truly laughed like that in a long time. I should be thanking you.” “Well in that case I’m glad I could help,” you respond. Theseus picks up a glass of champagne and drinks half of it in one gulp. Your eyes travel back to the couples on the dancefloor. Unbeknownst to you, Theseus watches you carefully. His eyes take in the figure you cut in your black satin dress and he took in the fact that even though you wore heels, you were still at least 6 inches shorter than him. You stand in an awkward silence. 

Not much later, a young girl with a perky attitude approaches Theseus. “Would you like to dance Mr. Scamander?” she asks hopefully. Theseus looks at her with pity and sighs, “I’m sorry Cynthia, I don’t dance. Not anymore.” The phrase Not anymore, pulled you back from your daze. You recalled that Theseus was engaged, and that his fiance died in Paris. The young girl walks away, looking crushed. Theseus finishes his drink and automatically reaches for another.  Your eyes travel back to Newt and Tina spinning across the room. You couldn’t help but feel a pang in your heart for wanting what they had. You’d never went on more than three dates with someone. Taking another sip of champagne you tell Theseus, “I’m sorry about your fiance.” You have the good grace to not look at Theseus as he struggles to compose himself. “Thank you,” he manages to say. Trying to distract him you ask, “Do you like working for Travers?” Theseus lightly chuckles, “I don’t think anyone likes working for Travers. But he’s got such a hold on the department you’ve got no choice but to pretend to like him.” You agree, “He doesn’t seem like a very nice man.” Theseus finally turns to you and says, “Oh, he's not.” Theseus looks down at you with a small smile on his face. Looking up at him with a rather large grin you tell him, “Well I’m sorry you have to work for him then. Seems like you should be running the department.” For the second time that night, Theseus blushes. “That’s really too kind of you,” Theseus says properly. “Maybe it’s the truth,” you offer the statement to him. There’s a grateful look on his face, as he graciously accepts your compliment. 

A tall man approaches the two of you and clears his throat, which pulls your gaze away from Theseus. “Pardon me for interrupting, but I couldn’t help but notice a beautiful lady such as yourself standing on the side and not on the dance floor. Would you care to dance?” he asks you. You’re not sure why, but you look to Theseus first, wondering if he knew the man. Turning back to the man you ask, “And you are?” He’s immediately embarrassed and says, “Merlin’s beard I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Colin Clarke, I work in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office.” “That must be terribly interesting,” you reply, somewhat intrigued. Holding out a hand again, he says, “I’d love to tell you about it over a dance.” “Well okay then,” you take his hand and let him lead you out onto the center of the floor. Theseus watches as your pulled away from him. A slow pulling feeling forms in his chest, and for a moment he wishes he had asked you to dance. Because maybe he could dance with you. You made him laugh, a real laugh. And he couldn’t ignore the fact that you were the only person that night that didn’t look at him with complete and utter pity. In fact, you hadn’t even asked him about the night, instead you form new memories with him, making him feel alive again, if only for a moment. 

The man called Colin twirled you delicately in a proper waltz. He gushes, “Your illustrations in The Tales of Beedle the Bard were quite lovely. I’m so excited to see the work you’ve done on Mr. Scamander’s book.” You blush at his compliment. “Well thank you Mr. Clarke that’s very kind of you,” you tell him. He says nervously, “And I must tell you that you look extremely beautiful tonight.” “Thank you again,” you say, looking down at your feet. The dance continues and he proceeds to tell you about the craziest cases of misuse of muggle artifacts. “I’m sure you’re never bored,” you tell him. He chuckles, “Never. I never catch a break either.” “That’s unfortunate,” you reply, “But as long as you enjoy the work.” He nods at the comment. 

Across the room a pair of piercing dark blue eyes stare at your form dancing around. Theseus watches as your dress twirls gracefully around you. Newt and Tina stop at the refreshment table. “Enjoying yourself Theseus?” Newt asks, somehow miraculously not noticing his brother’s longing gaze as his assistant. “I suppose so. And you?” Theseus responds. Newt smiles, “For once I can actually say I did enjoy this night. Having someone with you makes the event much more enjoyable.” He squeezes Tina’s hand. Theseus finally looks at his brother, holding the young American auror’s hand. Tina speaks up, “I’m still sorry about how our first meeting went Theseus.” Theseus laughs, “Think nothing of it. You were doing what you thought was right.” That answer surprises both Tina and Newt. Continuing Theseus says, “I never congratulated the two of you on your courtship. Newt, you’re lucky to have someone as strong as Tina. And Tina, I’m so happy you’ve decided to work as an auror with me.” Theseus says these words, and while he is happy for his brother, he feels a pang of jealousy for what him and Tina have. Even when he was with Leta, he could admit that they were never head over heels in love like Newt and Tina were. The couple begins conversing again and Theseus indulges himself in watching your delicate form dance again. When the song ends, Theseus watches as the young man Colin presses a lingering kiss to your small hand. Then you walk back over. 

“There you are,” Tina squeals at you, “Told you someone would ask you to dance.” You sigh, “Yes I suppose you were right.” Tina continues, “Was it a love connection?” You splutter, “Gods no Tina! Just because you dance with someone doesn’t mean you’re interested in them. Besides he’s just a kid.” Tina argues, “What is he? 23, 24?” You sigh, “23.” “That’s only 3 years younger than you!” Tina urges. Before he can stop himself Theseus gasps, “You’re 26?” Turning to the tall auror you laugh, “Yes Theseus I’m 26. But don’t start treating me like a baby.” Theseus gives you a small smile, “I won’t.” Newt glances at his watch and says, “It’s getting really late. We should probably go.” “Goodbye Theseus, good to see you as always,” Newt hugs his brother briefly. Theseus nods, “Goodbye Newt, Tina.” Then he turns to you. “It was really quite a pleasure meeting you, Theseus,” you confess, holding out your hand for him to shake. He takes your hand in his and bites back a gasp at how tiny and delicate it felt on your skin. Blood pumping in his ears, he replies, “I hope to see you again soon y/n.” Gazing into his eyes you say, “And I you.” You let yourself briefly get lost in the big blue beneath his eyelashes before dropping your hand from his. Tearing your gaze away from him, you turn and depart with Newt and Tina. Theseus Scamander stands, watching you go, feeling his chest pumped full with emotions he hadn’t felt in a long while. Helpless to it, he lets himself begin to think about you, every delicate detail of the new woman that just took his breath away. 

Later that night, you worked at your desk in Newt’s basement, pouring over some of your illustrations. You’re interrupted by someone clearing their throat behind you. Newt walks into view. “Hello Newt,” you greet him. Yawning, he smiles at you, “Awfully late for you to be up isn’t it?” You shrug, “I couldn’t sleep.” Newt sits across from you and asks, “Did you at least enjoy yourself tonight?” A knowing smile plays across your lips as you say, “Perhaps.” “Meet anyone interesting?” Newt implores you. You sigh, “Gods, no. The only person remotely interesting was your brother.” Newt laughs, “I wouldn’t exactly call Theseus interesting.” “To each his own,” you reply vaguely. Newt studies you for a moment, wondering why you would respond that way. Changing the subject you ask, “What illustrations do you think I should send Mr. Virgil to preview?” Newt scoots his stool closer to you and pours over the drawings with you. Thoughtfully he comments, “Well this drawing of the mooncalves is quite perceptive. You capture their eyes perfectly. And of course you have dozens of sketches of the nifflers so I’m sure you could spare one or two of those.” You nod along. Newt yawns, “I am much too tired, however, to continue sitting here and I suggest that we both get some rest. Day after next we have to be photographed for the Daily Prophet, for the announcement of the second edition.” “I suppose you’re right,” you reply, following him up the stairs and back to your room. 

The Daily Prophet photographer wanted to photograph you and Newt working together and as a result, decided to visit the home you shared with him and Tina. She particularly focused on photos of you and Newt dealing with the kelpie, while Tina looked on. “These pictures are great. Now I’ll just need a single head shot of each of you and we should be good,” the photographer asks. Pulling you to the side, she asks you to stand against the wall and takes your headshot. Your smile was small, nerves evident. You wore your hair down, tucked behind one ear. Tina’s style had rubbed off on you and you wore a pair of wide-legged black slacks and a long sleeve white button up blouse, no makeup. “Thank you Mr. Scamander, Ms. l/n, that’s it!” she announces, dismissing herself. You eat lunch silently with Tina and Newt when there’s a knock on the door. “Are you expecting anyone?” Tina asks Newt. He shakes his head. “Are you?” Tina asks you in turn. “Not at all. But let’s not leave them waiting,” you reply. Standing up, you walk over to the door and open it to see Theseus Scamander standing there. 

Theseus’s blue eyes widen when you swing the door open. “Theseus what a surprise,” you say, instinctively brushing your hair out of your face. He stands, still in the doorway, staring at you. “What is there something on my face?” you ask, suddenly beet red under Theseus’s stare. He’s pulled from his daze and says, “No, your face is fine, sorry. I got a little distracted, can I come in?” “Of course,” you stand aside, leaving him an opening. He walks into the kitchen. 

“Theseus, this is quite the surprise,” Newt stands, offering his brother a small hug. “What brings you by?” Newt asks. Theseus says, “I’m not sure what you did Newt, but you were the hit of Travers’s banquet. Everyone expects you to be at the minister’s dinner on Saturday. Will you be attending?” Newt groans, “As much as I want to say no, the executives at Obscurus Books are requiring that I attend as many ministry events as possible. That way the book is promoted.” This catches your attention. “Does that mean I have to go too?” you moan in frustration. Newt laughs, “If I have to go, so do you.” You shoot him a glare before taking another bite of your sandwich. Theseus casually slips in, “Well at least if y/n’s there I won’t be bored out of my mind.” You immediately blush and look down, responding, “Happy to help.” Theseus watches you pick at your lunch and he suppressed his thoughts of how cute you are flustered, a thought completely and uncharacteristically not like him. Newt interrupts Theseus thoughts saying, “Is that all you came to tell us Thes?” Theseus clears his throat, “What? Oh yes, I suppose that’s it. How did that interview for the Daily Prophet go?” Newt responds, “It was alright I suppose. Was a bit distracting from work though.” You immediately agree, “Yes. She wanted to get pictures of the kelpie which I thought was outrageous. The kelpie takes two people to handle and is much too fast to capture an image of.” Theseus nods like he knows what you were talking about. Then he glances at his watch and mutters, “Bloody hell, better get back to the ministry. So I’ll see you all on Saturday then. Goodbye.” His eyes linger on you. 

As soon as Theseus leaves, you fall into a tizzy. “I barely have any fancy attire is this going to become a regular occurence?” you babble. Tina groans, “This means we’ll have to go shopping.” “God I hadn’t even thought about that,” you moan in displeasure. Newt laughs, “Has anyone ever told the two of you that you’re women?” He immediately shuts up when you and Tina glare daggers at him. “I’ll be downstairs,” he mumbled, clearing his plate. 

You and Tina did your reluctant shopping, finding appropriate attire for every sort of ministry event imaginable. The next day the Daily Prophet comes out with an article about you and Newt. It focused on the new talents you brought to the table, as well as the fact that you now worked as his assistant. You hated the headshot the photographer took of you. You looked timid, almost scared, and you had no makeup on. “I want to burn this picture,” you complain, sitting down at Newt’s workstation. He chuckles, “Y/n, it’s not a bad picture of you at all.” You roll your eyes at him. “I wish I had more time to prepare. This is sure to push away any men in my future,” you laugh sarcastically. Newt shrugs, “The eyes see what they want to see,” and dives back into his work, picking up a bucket of feed and walking off. 

Theseus Scamander sits on his desk, mindlessly flipping through the Daily Prophet. His eyes stop on an article entitled, “Youngest Scamander and Illustrator Turned Assistant Magizoologist To Release Second Edition of Book.” He immediately flips to the page of the article and his gaze freezes on the headshot of you. Your eyes briefly glanced at the camera and then looked down shyly. Your hair was down and you wore a white button up dress shirt with no makeup on. A small hand, your own hand, briefly entered the frame, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. Theseus studied the way your lips turned up at the corners of your mouth. Before he even knew what he was doing, Theseus reaches in his desk drawer and pulls out scissors. Cutting hastily, Theseus takes your picture from the newspaper. Setting the rest of the paper back down, he smiles at the picture of you, to which the picture of you immediately blushes. There’s a knock on the door and someone enters. Theseus immediately shoves the picture of you in his desk drawer, a guilty look on his face. 

Saturday came around and you reluctantly got ready with Tina, putting on one of your new dresses. It being the minister’s dinner, you felt you had to dress fancier. So you wore a mermaid style ball gown, with wide straps that covered your shoulders. The material was silk and it was a beautiful maroon color. “I don’t know about this Tina,” you tell her, suddenly nervous about your dress choice. Tina wore a gown with similar straps, though it was A-line and didn’t hug her curves as much as your dress did. “Y/n you look amazing. You have to wear it,” Tina replies. “Fine,” you groan, putting on a pair of nude heels. You finished the look with simple makeup, just some light gold eyeshadow and nude lipstick. Tina learned to have a knack for hair in Queenie’s absence, and she curled yours gently. She pinned the side strands of your hair back, securing them with a beautiful ivory hair pin. The dress was extremely fancy so the only jewelry you wore was a dangly, silver charm bracelet. Newt tells you and Tina, “You both look amazing.” “Thanks Newt,” you casually reply. Tina is blushing profusely under Newt’s lingering eyes. “Shall we go?” you ask them. Newt reluctantly tears his gaze from Tina’s and says, “Yes.” Taking each of their arms, you depart for the minister’s mansion. 

You’re immediately swept away by random ministry employees that you don’t recognize. They eagerly questioned you and Newt about the new edition of the book. Mr. Virgil quickly approaches, planting a kiss to your cheek. “Y/n darling I got your preview of drawings and I must say they were marvelous! I look forward to seeing more of your work in Newt’s book,” he gushes admirably. “Well thank you Mr. Virgil, you’re too kind,” you tell him. People then begin to focus on Newt and Tina again, which you’re very okay with. Excusing yourself, you go looking for a glass of champagne. Standing at the table of drinks, you sip your champagne slowly, studying the people around you. The minister’s house was gigantic, his dinner’s a regular event that grew more extravagant each week it got closer to Christmas. 

Theseus was bored out of his mind. He searched for you, but he couldn’t find you amongst the party guests. Cursing himself, he walks over to the refreshment table. His breathing stops when he sees you. Your silk dress hugged your body in all the right places, the purple-ish material accentuating everything that made you a woman. Theseus couldn’t help but study you closely, your back to him. Your perfume gradually floated over to him and he immediately felt intoxicated. Theseus audibly gulps, mentally preparing himself to trip over his words and make a fool of himself. He gently taps you on the shoulder, his fingers softly brushing against your h/c curled hair. 

There was a soft tap on your shoulder and you turned around to see the older Scamander brother, red in the face, looking down at you. “Theseus there you are! I was looking for you,” you let slip. “You were?” he asks, surprised. Blushing, you look down at your feet and say, “Yeah.” He laughs at your shyness. You tease, “I was hoping you would sit next to me at dinner again. I don’t think I remembered completely how to use all of those utensils.”He laughs, “I’d be happy to help you again.” “You’re a lifesaver,” you breathe a sigh of relief. Theseus smiles down at you, a smile that crinkled the corner of his big blue eyes. Instinctively, he felt a pang of guilt for letting himself admire you so openly in public, when it had barely been a full year since Leta passed. Nevertheless, he was helpless to admiring everything about you. Your beauty, your grace, and everything in between. The eager Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office employee, Colin, makes his way to you and once again presses an eager kiss to your hand. “How are you Colin?” you ask him kindly. He responds, “Better now that I am seeing you. You look so beautiful tonight.” You laugh at his flirtiness but inside you hope that he backs off. “Would you allow me to steal you for a dance once more later in the evening?” he asks. You smile politely, “Perhaps, though I felt quite bad leaving Theseus alone to be bored the other night. It’d be quite rude of me to do it again.” Colin looks between the two of you, appearing slightly confused. He bids you goodnight and leaves to talk to someone else. “Sorry about that,” you hastily apologize to Theseus. Theseus shakes off your apology, replying softly, “You know you really do look beautiful tonight.” Your eyes shoot up to his and meet an intense starry blue gaze. “Thank you,” you whisper, managing to hold his eye contact. Dinner is announced and Theseus says, “Shall we?” Properly offering his arm to you like a perfect gentleman. You smile and hook your arm in his, letting him lead you to the table. Theseus felt like a sleeze, the way he was gushing over someone 13 years younger than him. You felt the opposite, like a dooey eyed school girl pining over a teacher. You felt the situation you wanted to unfold would never happen. Theseus found himself wanting the same thing. 

You followed Theseus’s lead again as you made your way through yet another fancy dinner. “Theseus, how is the department doing now with smaller numbers?” the minister asks Theseus thoughtfully. Theseus replies politely, “I won’t lie minister, it’s not easy. But we’ll manage. We’ve got every man working over time and every new face that comes into the department is triple checked for any ties with Grindelwald or his followers.” The minister compliments, “You do great work my boy, you’re doing the ministry proud.” Theseus gushes, “Thank you minister.” To your complete and utter horror the minister then turns to you and comments, “And what a lucky man Theseus is to be sat next to such a talented woman.” Theseus says quietly, “Very lucky.” Not hearing Theseus’s comment, you turn to the minister and blush, “Thank you minister you’re too kind.” He replies, “Nonsense. I’ve seen your work. My children love The Tales of Beedle the Bard and your illustrations in the new edition fascinated them.” “Well thank you,” you say politely. The minister then turns to Newt and asks him more about Paris. Theseus’s reaction is to immediately look down at his plate and push his food around, not eating it. You whisper to him, “How much are they  going to ask about that night before it becomes old news?” Theseus shrugs, “Dunno. You’d think they’d get the picture by now. That and the hundreds of reports they have on it.” You nod. Whispering softly you tell him, “I’m sorry they keep making you relive that night.” “Thanks,” Theseus gulps. 

There’s dancing once again and Newt asks you, “Tina’s getting her ear talked off by the minister. He’s very interested in President Piquery and her policies. In the meantime, would you like to dance?” You grin widely, “Now that sounds like a fantastic idea.” Newt takes your hand and leads you to the dance floor, leaving Theseus to stand alone and watch. As Newt twirls you around you ask, “Do you think the ministry will ever stop asking about Paris?” Newt responds, “I don’t know. It does seem to get quite irritating though doesn’t it?” You shake your head, “It’s not that. It’s the toll it’s clearly taking on Theseus.” Newt’s eyes widen and he looks over at his older brother, who in turn, is already staring at the two of you. “You think it does?” Newt asks. You immediately respond, “Yes. It clearly does Newt. And I feel bad. I mean imagine if you’d lost Tina, and then everyone kept making you relive the night it happened.” Newt looks thoughtful. “I didn’t think about it that way,” he admits. When the song ends you make your way back over to Theseus. “Sorry to leave you fending for yourself,” you tease him. He laughs, “I managed.” Newt comments, “Brother I watched at least three women approach you during that song alone, surely you could indulge one of them?” Theseus looks at his brother, a sadness lingering in his eyes. “Not tonight Newt. Maybe some other time,” he responds. Newt picks up on the somber mood and leaves you to cheer his brother up, announcing, “I better go find Tina.” 

You stood with Theseus nearly the whole night, the fast friendship between the two of you continuing to form. “I saw the article about you and Newt in the paper,” Theseus says. “Oh geez. That was probably my worst interview. And my first, so there’s that,” you reply. Theseus eyes you, “That was your first interview? But what about when you illustrated The Tales of Beedle the Bard?” Shrugging, you reply, “I declined to be interviewed. I was only 23, I didn’t want all the attention. Even now all the attention makes me really uncomfortable.” “Really?” Theseus is surprised. “Really,” you pause, your eyes spying Colin who was searching the room for you. Downing your drink, you toss it aside and hide behind Theseus, who is frozen in surprise. “Colin is looking for me. God, I hate letting people down, just hide me. That way he can’t find me,” you plead, shrinking behind his tall form. Theseus laughs wholeheartedly at your reaction, all the while standing taller to block you from sight. “I’m sorry. I just can’t deal with this right now,” you breathe against Theseus’s shoulder, pressed close to his back, your hands absentmindedly gripping his suit jacket tightly. Theseus feels a chill run down his spine as your warm body is pressed against the back of his. For a moment he closes his eyes, inhaling your scent and your presence. Leaning his head back, Theseus whispers, “Don’t worry. He can’t see you.” You cautiously place a hand on Theseus’s broad shoulder and stand on your tiptoes, peering over him. You breathe a sigh of relief when you don’t see Colin, the rush of air from your mouth washing over Theseus’s neck. The hair on his skin stands straight up. Theseus now visibly shivers, the breath you left on his skin making him squirm, his mind wandering to a dark place full of inappropriate thoughts. Theseus turns around to face you. You stare up at him sheepishly, embarrassed at your reaction. “Sorry, you must think me pathetic,” you mumble. He stares down at you, perplexed by your comment. “Not at all,” he reassures you, “I think it just makes me appreciate your kindness more.” You play with a strand of your hair and mutter, “Thanks, I guess.” Theseus says reluctantly, “Now I hate to leave your side but I have to go to the restroom. I’ll be back shortly.” He departs. No sooner does he depart then does one eager young ministry employee approach you; Colin. 

Plastering the biggest fake smile you could muster you say, “Hello Colin.” He’s nearly hopping on his feet as he says, “Y/n. Can I have that dance now?” It was just your luck that the moment Theseus left your side, Colin showed up to ask you to dance. You sigh, “Sure Colin,” rather unenthusiastically. He doesn’t seem to notice your tone and practically drags you to the dance floor. Colin tried to hold you as close to him as possible, and you let him while your mind wandered to Theseus, praying for him to appear in front of you. 

Theseus emerges from one of the minister’s mansions various bathrooms and is stopped by a fellow auror; Yaxley. “Spending an awful lot of time with your brother’s new assistant I see,” he smirks at Theseus. Theseus tries to keep a straight face as he says, “She’s pleasant company.” “Yes and easy on the eyes too,” Yaxley comments. Theseus struggles to keep his composure as he lies, “I hadn’t thought about her that way.” Yaxley grossly smiles, “Well you should. I hear talks of aurors wanting to lock her down before anyone else.” This catches Theseus’s attention. Before Yaxley can turn to go he asks urgently, “What?” Yaxley responds, “Oh yes, she’s quite a beautiful woman who many men want on their arm. She’d make the perfect companion.” “Oh,” is all Theseus can manage to say. “Enjoy the rest of your night, Theseus,” Yaxley says, departing. Theseus stands briefly frozen, considering the words that Yaxley said. A new feeling filled his chest. A feeling he had never experienced with Leta, Theseus lets the newfound jealousy course through his veins. Then he remembers he left you alone, and he had no doubt that Colin had found you. He was right. 

Before he could figure out what he was doing, Theseus marched straight back into the Minister’s ballroom, his eyes searching for you. He spies an eager Colin spinning you around rather frantically on the dancefloor. And while the fear in Theseus’s chest made him want to stay put, his feet had a mind of their own and they carried him swiftly over to you. 

Your eyes traveled up to Theseus’s tall form that sauntered quickly over to you. Frozen in complete shock, you watched as Theseus tapped Colin on the shoulder. Colin turned around and jumped at the sight of the tall, fearsome head auror. “May I cut in?” Theseus’s voice comes out smooth. Colin looks to you and sees as you stare up at Theseus, a gigantic grin on your face. “Of course,” Colin’s voice falls, and he releases your hands, slowly walking away. Then Theseus’s eyes fall to you and you gaze into the familiar deep blue. “Thank you,” you whisper softly. Theseus holds his large hand out to you. Your mouth suddenly goes completely dry. Theseus was going to dance with you. So you laid your hand in his, and took in how tiny your hand looked cradled in his own. A new boldness moved through the eldest Scamander when he felt you take his hand. And as a new waltz started, he places his hand on your waist and pulls you into him, knocking all your breath away. “Your other hand is supposed to go on my shoulder, or do I have to teach you this as well?” Theseus teases. You gulp audibly and place your hand on his shoulder. And when the music begins, Theseus whisks you smoothly across the floor, managing to hold you a little too close than deemed necessary for a waltz. “You’re so light on your feet,” you breathe into Theseus’s chest. He chuckles, “I’ve had practice, you know with all the ministry events we have to attend.” You laugh, “I’ve had less practice. I wouldn’t want to make a fool of your good dancing reputation.” Theseus lets slip, “Nonsense. I like dancing with you.” You look up into his eyes and gasp, “Oh.” Theseus blushes, mumbling, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.” You smile thoughtfully, “No, you didn’t. I just was surprised to hear you say that is all.” Theseus continues, “How are you surprised? Have you not seen all the men eyeing you tonight?” You turn beet red, saying, “That’s not true.” Theseus shakes his head, “Of course it’s true. Even just now Yaxley was telling me about how the other aurors talk about you and how perfect you are. You could have anyone of them you want, they’re all dying for a shot at you. Take your pick.” You decisively say, “None of them really appeal to me. They’re all really immature and I don’t think they see me as someone you’d want to spend time with. I’m not stupid, I know they only think of me as arm candy.” Theseus comments, “Well they’re idiots.” Your eyes widen and you manage to continue to hold his gaze, the blush traveling to your nose and ears. “Thanks Theseus,” you manage to get out. He merely nods. 

A slower ballad begins and while you’re hoping for the dance to continue you offer, “Theseus, we can stop dancing if you want.” His face falls and he asks, “Is that what you want?” You look down, avoiding his eyes as you whisper, “No. I’d like to keep dancing.” And while you can’t see his look, Theseus’s face breaks out into a massive grin. “Me too,” he agrees. Theseus removes his one hand from yours only to place it on your waist, causing your breath to hitch in your throat. His large hands wrapped around your waist, his fingers nearly meeting. You reach up your arms and wrap them around his neck. Theseus mercifully dips his head slightly, so you don’t have to stand on your tiptoes. His face is extremely close to your own and you let yourself get lost in the ocean blue of his pupils. You felt your torso pressed close to him and couldn’t help but smile at the warmth that spread through you. No matter what was going on around you, your eyes stayed glued to Theseus’s. Across the room, Newt and Tina studied the two of you. 

Inside his chest, Theseus felt a turmoil of emotion. His heart felt as if it were on fire, a new passion for the woman in front of him forming faster than he could keep up with. Theseus’s arms subconsciously tightened around your waist as he gazed affectionately at you. Then, a biting feeling came back in his chest, this one a familiar one. The familiar sense of self loathing and disgust developing inside of him. Theseus tried to combat the feeling, praying that his heart would just let him enjoy your presence for once, without thinking about how this would look. Theseus’s mind taunted him with images of you slipping out of his grasp, being pulled away by one of your admirer’s asking for your hand. In the meantime you let out a beautifully soft sigh, resting your head on his chest. Theseus’s heart was racing, and he tried desperately to get it to slow down, worried you would feel his heart beating wildly against your cheek resting there. Gently, he rested his head on top of your own, swaying in time with the music, your body held tightly against his. Dark thoughts loomed in his head as he thought about desperately kissing you, holding you all night and showing you just how special you were. 

The song ended and switched to a fast paced Charleston, which neither you or Theseus were prepared to dance. Reluctantly, you dropped your hands from Theseus’s neck. His grip on your waist lingered, before he dropped his hands. Realizing you were still standing in the middle of the dancefloor you say, “Maybe we should…..” Theseus answers the question for you, “Yeah. We should get out of the way.” To your delight, Theseus takes your hand in his and leads you back towards the refreshment table. Handing you a glass of champagne, he takes one himself. You sip the bubbly happily, elated with the fact that you just danced with Theseus for two songs. You giggle, “You should have seen the looks of death I was getting from some other girls.” Theseus replies, “I got equally malicious looks from all your potential suitors.” You scoffed, “Please, potential suitors? I couldn’t see myself with any of them. They’re all too young, too immature.” Theseus replies, “But they’re your age.” You shoot back, “What does age have to do with anything?” Theseus is intrigued by your train of thoughts and adds, “Don’t you think it would be inappropriate to be with someone much older or much younger than you?” You look at Theseus and the realization dawns on you; Theseus was implying that whatever was between the two of you, was inappropriate. A brief look of emotional pain flashes across your features. Summoning the last bit of courage you had, you looked into Theseus’s great blue eyes and tell him intently, “Age is not a factor that matters to me. Whenever and whoever I decide to spend my life with, age is never something that crosses my mind.” Theseus watches you with sadness. He easily saw your face fall and your eyes grow somber. More than anything he wanted to tilt your chin up and kiss you and tell you that of course you were right, age is just a number, and he wanted to be with you more than anything. Before he got a chance to articulate his thoughts, you briefly looked up at him and said, “I should go Theseus. It’s getting late.” “Y/n, wait,” he struggles to form what he wants to say to you. “Till the next ministry event. Bye Theseus,” you offer him a small smile and turn to find Newt and Tina. Theseus watches you go, his heart filled with sadness as your form grew farther and farther away. A voice speaks beside him, “You know I’ve never seen her look at anyone like that before.” Theseus looks over to see his younger brother Newt, looking at him concerned. “Newt, I-” Theseus begins but is cut off by his sibling. “Listen, Thes, I know y/n. Sure I haven’t known her for long but she’s a lot like me. Besides Tina, she’s my closest companion. And Theseus I will not lie to you, you didn’t even look at Leta like that when you were together. Don’t let something as trivial as age get between you at least having a close companion. Now I’m going to take her home.” Newt walks away from his brother, finds you and Tina, and takes you back to the house. 

The rest of the weekend you stayed in the basement, pouring yourself into various illustrations and treating creatures. Tina and Newt tried to talk to you, to get you to open up about whatever you were feeling, but you wouldn’t budge. On Sunday night Newt walks downstairs, a plate in hand. “Brought you some dinner. You need to eat,” Newt tells you. “I’m busy,” you reply, concentrating on a new sketch. Newt sets the plate on your desk and sits down beside you. “Y/n what happened?” he asks quietly. “What do you mean?” you respond, not taking your eyes from the paper in front of you. Newt rests a hand on your shoulder, causing you to look up. He sighs, “I saw the way you looked at Theseus. The way you danced with him. He hasn’t dance with anyone, something he loves, since Leta. I’m not gonna ignore that.” You shake your head, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Newt groans, “Well I can’t help you if you won’t admit it to yourself that something’s there.” Turning to your friend, you say, “Newt. Even if there was something there, your brother clearly has an issue with my age and how young I am. So case closed.” Newt grumbles, “Theseus always did have a problem with letting himself be happy.” “Newt can I get back to work please?” you ask him. He sighs, “Fine, I’ll leave you to it. But before I forget, Mr. Virgil wants some more illustrations and in exchange for this preview, he’s agreed to pay for us to travel to eastern Asia, to search for more undiscovered creatures.” You jump up from your stool, “What? Are you serious?” Newt laughs at your excitement, “Deadly serious. Three week expedition, not sure when it’s happening. But I agree it’s very exciting. Anyways he’s having lunch with Yaxley tomorrow and I was hoping you could deliver him some copies?” It slipped your mind that Yaxley was an auror who worked with Theseus, so naturally you reply, “Of course I can do that. I’ll bring them to the ministry tomorrow.” “Thanks y/n, that is a huge help. Not sure how I got along before you,” Newt grins, offering you a hug. “I’m not sure how you did either,” you joke. 

The next morning, you meticulously pick out your best sketches, putting them into a file. Donned in your usual black, wide legged trousers, and white button up shirt, you slipped on nude flats and left for the ministry. Stopping at the information desk you say, “Hello, I’m looking for Mr. Virgil, I’m told he’s meeting with Yaxley.” The secretary smiles at you and responds, “Yes, he’s eagerly awaiting your arrival. He’s in a meeting but he asked that you bring them to him directly so you can go to Yaxley’s office. Down the corridor and to the left.” “Are you sure?” you ask her. “Positive. Go ahead,” she responds brightly. Gulping, you follow her directions and knock on the door. “Come in,” a deep male voice calls. So you enter the room, finding Yaxley and Mr. Virgil chatting over a meal. “Hello, I just came to drop off the drawings you requested,” you stand awkwardly in the doorway. Mr. Virgil pipes up, “Y/n my dear thank you very much. I just had to get my hands on some more of your work. Thank you for coming to the ministry.” Handing the file over you respond, “Of course Mr. Virgil. Thank you for providing the funds for Newt and I to continue our research.” He smiles, “I look forward to more of your work. You seem quite the aspiring magizoologist. Together, I’m sure you and Newt will do great things.” “Thank you,” you respond graciously. Yaxley eyes you hungrily throughout this entire conversation and leaves you with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach. 

Theseus walks back into the auror department after lunch and asks his secretary, “Any messages, anything important?” She answers, “Nothing important sir. Only y/n l/n, stopped in Yaxley’s office to deliver her new sketches to Mr. Virgil.” His heart stops at the mention of her name. “Very well, thank you,” he says in passing, racing down the hallway. He had no idea what he was going to say, all he knew was that he was dying to see you. He skidded to a stop in front of Yaxley’s doorway, looking at the back of you standing there. There was a slight smile that grew on his face, as he took in the same outfit you wore in the cut out headshot he had of you in his desk drawer. It was the first time he’d ever seen you in non-ministry event attire. He tried to suppress the urge to study you, but failed as his eyes poured over the way your shirt clung tightly to your shoulder blades and your pants fitted so well to your hips. 

Bidding Yaxley and Mr. Virgil goodbye, you shut the door and turn around to see Theseus Scamander staring at you. “Bloody hell Theseus you scared me!” you jump at his presence. He laughs profusely. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he wheezes in between laughs. You frown at him and say, “Yes, well, I have to get back to work. Goodbye Theseus.” The eldest Scamander reaches out a desperate hand to find yours, gently pulling you back. “Y/n, please wait!” he begs, his hand still pulling you back in his direction. You turn around to face him, looking down. Theseus drops your hand and says, “I’m sorry okay? I didn’t mean to make things weird between us or insult you with my age comment. I’m lucky to have you as a friend and it doesn’t matter how young you are, I wouldn’t trade your friendship for anything. Truthfully, you’ve been great company at these ministry events and I’m lucky that you even spend the night standing with me.” His confession brought tears to your eyes for so many reasons. You were glad to be Theseus’s friend, but what you wanted in your heart was so much more than that.Fighting back your emotion you looked up into his familiar gaze. “It’s fine Theseus, really. I’m glad that you’re my,” you pause, “Friend too. I really enjoy your company.” He visibly relaxes, then says, “Did Yaxley stare you down?” You chuckle, “How did you know?” Theseus responds, “They all talk about how they’d love to make you there permanent piece of arm candy.” A darkness, a fury clouds his face as he continues, “Personally I’d love nothing more than to put them all in their place. If they can’t appreciate you for your talent, intelligence, and grace along with your beauty, then they don’t deserve you.” Your jaw drops at the clear jealousy and protectiveness displayed on Theseus’s face. You manage to croak out, “Theseus that was… very sweet. You’re very sweet.” He blushes and rubs his neck awkwardly. “It’s the truth. Anyone can see that,” he admits. And when asked about it in the future, you’re not sure you could ever say what compelled you to do this, but nevertheless you’re glad you did. 

Instinctively, you rush forward into Theseus’s arms, hugging him. Your face was pressed against his chest as you deeply inhaled his cologne. Your fingers intertwined around his neck, standing on your tiptoes you took in everything about the wonderful man in front of you. Theseus is shocked. But as the shock fades, he gracefully dips his head down so you don’t have to keep standing on your tiptoes. His hands meet behind your back and he holds you close to him once more, just like he did last week at the Minister’s dinner. His lips brushed against the top of your head as he cradles you close to your body, so many things being said unspoken between the two of you. You’re not sure how long you stand there, but eventually you lift your head from his chest remove your hands from around his neck, placing them to rest on his arms that were still around your waist. “Theseus I….” your voice falters. He gulps, “I am a coward sometimes. I should have said something earlier.” There’s a noise coming from inside the office and Theseus scrambles to put a phrase together. “What do you mean?” you ask hopefully. You both hear footsteps grow closer. Theseus says quickly, “Look, there’s not enough time right now. Can I stop by Newt’s when I’m done with work and come see you? There’s something we need to talk about.” Your voice shakes, responding, “Of course you can come over. I… I guess I’ll see you tonight.” Theseus beams brightly. He very reluctantly removes his hands from your waist and says, “I look forward to it.” With a new confidence leaping from your heart, you rise up on your toes and plant a lingering kiss on his cheek. Theseus gasps, his eyes fluttering closed as he relishes in the feeling of your lips on his skin, thinking about all the other places you could kiss him. “Until then. Bye Theseus,” you smile at him, turning around and walking away. “Bye y/n,” his voice comes out raspy, a hunger coursing through him. He watches you walk away and gulps, trying to decide just how much he should convey to you the deep feelings he harbored inside for you. Running his hands through his auburn curls, Theseus sighs, falling back against the wall behind him. He resembled a lovestruck teenage boy, but nevertheless he gave in and let his thoughts wander to the way it felt to hold you in his arms. 

Arriving back home, you rushed to the menagerie and busied yourself with treating various creatures, a lovesick smile plastered to your face. “Y/n what’s got you smiling like that?” It’s Newt who asks this, wandering up to you. Still dazed, you respond, “I’m not sure what you mean.” Newt laughs, “I know that look. Did you happen to run into Theseus or Tina at the ministry?” You playfully shrugged, “Maybe.” Newt smiles, “Well, I’m glad to see something that makes you smile.” You continue feeding the baby nifflers in your arms and say, “Newt, how do you let Tina go to work everyday? Don’t you miss her terribly?” He responds, “Of course I do. Given a choice I’d much rather spend everyday with Tina doing no work. But Tina does what she loves for a living and I love Tina. I could never take that away from her.” You immediately stand up from your stool, nearly shouting, “Did you just say you love Tina?” Newt turns beet red as he backtracks, “No, I didn’t, I didn’t say that.” Returning the baby nifflers to their cage you laugh, “No! You said you love her! You love Tina!” Newt responds, “So I love her. What’s wrong with that?” You walk up to your friend, taking his hands and respond, “There’s nothing wrong with that Newt, that’s wonderful!” Have you told her yet?” Newt mumbles, “No, I haven’t had the courage.” A plan formulates in your head and you tell him, “Newt, tell Tina. Tonight.” He trips over his words, “Y/n, that’s so soon. These things take time.” You stop him, “No, Newt. Just say how you feel. We’re in times of war okay? You watched your brother’s fiance die in Paris almost a year ago. You can’t let these things linger. You need to tell her. It’s obvious she’s loves you too.” He gulps, “Maybe you’re right. I suppose I could take her for a walk and try to tell her.” You say excitedly, “Yes of course! Newt I’m so happy for you, you and Tina are my best friends.” Newt grins, “You’re my best friend too. Now I’m gonna go check on the baby Occamys. Thanks y/n, you’re the best.” You tease, “I know.” 

    Later that night, at around 6, there’s a knock on the door and you and Newt exit the basement, going to answer the front door. Opening the door, Newt looks surprised to see Tina and his brother staring back at him. “Theseus, what brings you by?” Newt asks him confused. Theseus looks at you briefly before trying to put together a sentence, “I came to talk to y/n.” Before Newt can continue you butt in, “Newt, didn’t you want to take Tina for a walk?” Newt looks at you and responds, “Oh yes. Tina darling, I’d love to go for a walk with you, let me just grab my coat.” And as he grabs his grey overcoat, Newt shoots you a lingering look before walking out the door with Tina. Theseus stands awkwardly in the doorway. 

    “Well don’t just stand there silly, come in,” you joke. Theseus whispers, “Okay,” and steps in the door. You make your way towards the basement and a confused Theseus follows. “Where are we going?” he asks you. Looking back, you smile, “I have to finish feeding everyone. I figured you wouldn’t mind, do you?” Theseus beams back at you, “Of course not. I did grow up with Newt after all.” Descending the staircase, you make your way over to the mooncalves and hand a bucket of feed for Theseus to hold. Theseus watches in awe as you’re surrounded by mooncalves, the lot of them nipping at your heels. Theseus chuckles, “These guys were always one of my favorites.” You look back at his comment and smile. The moon of the habitat creates an angelic glow around your figure. “Do you want to help me feed them?” you ask tentatively. Theseus cracks the largest smile at you and says, “I’d love to.” You take his hand and help him reach into the feed bucket, pulling out some beetles to give the mooncalves. He throws them into the air, where they’re happily lapped up by the babies. When he’s done Theseus returns his hand to yours. “Theseus,” you begin, trying to piece together your thoughts. Lucky for you Theseus does the work for you, saying, “I’m sorry we didn’t get enough time to chat in the ministry. What I wanted to say was, well, I’m not really sure how to say it.” Theseus looks at you sheepishly. You smile encouragingly at him and take his hand, leading him to a quieter area of the basement. Stopping in a lush green pasture besides the Kelpie’s habitat, you sit down and motion for Theseus to follow. Theseus sprawls out awkwardly beside you. “I think I know what you’re gonna say,” you encourage. Theseus sighs, “I’m not very good at articulating my thoughts. Here’s the thing though, for the life of me I cannot understand why a beautiful, young, talented woman like you would want to spend her time with me.” You immediately blurted out, “Because I like you Theseus.” His cheeks flush and he looks to you, a longing in his eyes. You continue, “There’s no denying it now, it’s true. I do have feelings for you, but I wasn’t prepared to act on them because I know you need time to heal. And I know the ministry doesn’t make it any easier on you with recalling the events of that night. So I’m happy to just spend time with you.” Theseus beams, “I like you too y/n, quite a lot actually. But I’m torn. I don’t want people thinking the worst of you if you’re with a man 13 years your senior. And it’s not only that I just…. I feel guilty.” You study him thoughtfully and replied softly, “I understand why you feel guilty. But you shouldn’t. You deserve to feel happy. To truly be happy.” Theseus groans, “But it’s not fair for me to make you wait for when I’m ready for that to happen. You could turn around and be engaged within the week at this rate, with all the other ministry men after you.” Taking his hands, you scoot closer to Theseus and say strongly, “Theseus, I don’t care about any of those men. The only person I have feelings for is you. And if you want to take things slow and just see what happens, that sounds great to me. And if you’re not ready for that, that’s okay too. I’m not going to go and run off with someone else just because you’re still grieving.” A single tear falls from his perfect blue starea as he says, “I want to see where this goes. Everything I feel with you is different…. Stronger than before. But my guilt won’t go away overnight.” 

    You decisively moved closer to Theseus, sitting between his legs. “I will help you through it,” you whisper to him, your breath hitting his lips softly. Suddenly aware of how close you were, Theseus looks down and traces his fingers along the material that covered your knees. “I,” his voice falters, “Thank you, y/n.” “You’ve been through a lot Thes. I just want you to be happy,” you reply, watching as he fiddled nervously with your pant leg. This nervousness was completely out of character for him. Laughing, you leaned forward and went to press a kiss to his cheek. At the same time Theseus made to look up at you, resulting in your lips brushing ever so slightly against his. You immediately jerk back, “I’m sorry, I was just trying to kiss your cheek god I’ve really made a mess of things.” You watch as Theseus stares at your lips, transfixed. Blushing, you look down and mutter more apologies. It’s Theseus who reaches a hand out and lifts your chin up, to look at you in your e/c eyes. Wordlessly he brushes his thumb against your bottom lip. His blue orbs full of unsung emotion, you stare back into them helplessly. “Theseus please-” your voice is cut off by Theseus holding his pointer finger against your lips, silencing you. Inside he feels a somersaulting of emotions, all wrapped in an overwhelmingly desperate need to kiss your lips again. “So beautiful,” he whispers, barely audible, as he leans closer to you. You feel the breath in your chest stop as his lips loom over your own. Closing your eyes, you let the inevitable happen. Theseus’s lips hit yours and you kiss him softly, for real, for the first time. Moving softly against yours, you relish just how soft and smooth Theseus’s lips are. Theseus subconsciously wraps his legs around your form in his lap, pulling you closer to him. 

    Inside, what Theseus felt was indescribable. In one word; heaven. Theseus tried to fight the hunger, the building lust in his chest, but failed miserably. With a low growl, he places his hands to your waist and pulls you fully into his lap. His hands trailed across your back, aching to feel your bare skin. Your hands found their way to Theseus’s curls and you yanked on them, causing Theseus to open his mouth more to your kisses. Slipping your tongue in his mouth, you let out a slight moan of pleasure as you feel Theseus’s hands squeezing your waist tightly. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you press your body into Theseus’s, aching for more of his touch. From behind the two of you, you hear a loud cough. 

    Theseus instinctively removes his hands from you and straightens his tie. Turning your head you see Newt and Tina, hand in hand, standing with wide eyes and reddened cheeks as they caught your intimate moment. Turning around in Theseus’s lap, you gracefully sit in front of him on the grass, blocking his arousal. Newt clears his throat, “Sorry to interrupt. I didn’t realize there would be something going on.” Theseus is frozen in embarrassment, leaving you to speak for the both of you. “I didn’t think you’d be back yet. Sorry Newt,” you mumble. He awkwardly laughs, “It’s okay. Tina and I are going to get started on dinner. Theseus you’re welcome to join us.” The couple depart the basement, ascending the stairs. 

    As soon as they leave you burst out laughing. “That was mortifying,” you breathe in between chuckles. Theseus, the hunger inside him now gone, looks at you laughing, and smiles. “I don’t think I’m ever going to live that down,” he admits. Your laughter slows and you spin around in the grass, facing Theseus. “I’m sorry Thes. I got a bit carried away,” you say sheepishly. Theseus looks at you astounded. Brushing the hair from your face he says softly, “This is not your fault. I couldn’t help myself. Anytime I’m around you, I lose control.” “Well you cover it surprisingly well,” you tease. Theseus stands, and offers you a hand. Taking it, Theseus pulls you up so strongly, your feet momentarily leave the ground. You laugh, stumbling into his arms as he catches your fall. Theseus looks down at you brightly. “I’m so glad Newt hired you,” Theseus gushes. You giggle, “Me too. I wouldn’t have a job otherwise.” Theseus says more seriously, “No. I mean because otherwise I wouldn’t have met you.” You smile, “Theseus I’m equally just as lucky to have met you.” Sighing, you stroll hand in hand back towards the staircase. “I’m sorry for kissing you. Don’t get me wrong I wanted to. But without being in an established relationship, I feel like it’s not fair to you,” Theseus confesses. You briefly brush a finger against his cheek before replying, “Thes. I wanted it just as much, if not more. I’m a big girl. Okay sure I’m only 26, I’m a lot younger than you. But I can take care of myself. And all I care about right now is spending time with you.” Theseus grins like a young school boy and  wraps you in a tight hug. “You’re so great,” he says against your hair. “So are you going to stay for dinner?” you ask him. Theseus sighs, “I don’t think so. I’m not going to be able to live it down. Not at least until we are in a relationship. Raincheck it for another time.” Grinning foolishly you say, “Until we’re in a relationship? Theseus Scamander is there something you’ve forgotten to ask me?” He lightly laughs, “Soon darling, soon.” The word darling rolled off his tongue with ease; it felt right. Walking up the stairs, hand in hand, you lead Theseus to the front door. “See you soon?” you phrase the question. “How could I keep myself away,” Theseus chuckles. He looks down at you, pining evident in his gaze. “You can kiss me whenever you know. I promise I won’t mind,” you say softly. That’s all the permission he needs and Theseus leans down, pressing his lips to yours. He reluctantly pulls away after a few lingering seconds and says, “Bye y/n.” Turning he disapparates. “Bye Thes,” you let his name hang in the air. 

    When you return to the kitchen Tina nearly shouts, “Mercy Lewis what is going on with you two?!” Laughing you say, “I’m not sure yet Tina. I’ll be sure to let you know when I find out.” Newt looks at you curiously. “Are you two dating?” he asks you. You sigh, “Not yet Newt. Theseus needs time, he feels guilty, which I understand. But if I’m honest I’d wait my whole life for someone like your brother. There’s no one else like him.” Newt grins widely at you, “Well next time you’re… preoccupied, give me a warning.”  You immediately defend yourself, “I didn’t expect for that to happen, it just did!” Newt and Tina burst out laughing and you realize they’re joking. “We’re happy for you, really,” Tina speaks for both of them. “Well, thanks,” you reply. 

    The next time you saw Theseus was two days later, on a Wednesday when he stopped by on his lunch break. “Coming!” you call at the sound of the doorbell, bounding up the stairs. Wiping your hands on your navy blue slacks, you swing the door open. Theseus stands in the doorway, a bouquet of wildflowers in his hand. “Thes what’s this?” you breathe, surprised. He grins and asks, “Can I come in?” “Of course,” you reply, stepping aside to let him in. Theseus walks into the kitchen and you follow. “These are for you,” he hands you the beautiful batch of flowers. “Oh they’re gorgeous Theseus. Thank you,” you kiss him on the cheek. Busying yourself with cutting the flowers and summoning a vase, you’re oblivious to Theseus watching you intently. Theseus chuckles, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything but wide-legged trousers and a white button up.” You turn to him and reply, “Dresses are overrated.” Theseus steps closer and says, “Yes but you always cut quite a figure in one.” His hands find their way to your waist and he kisses you swiftly, a touch too fleeting for your like. He turns away, but you catch his tie. “I wasn’t done,” you tease, pulling his lips back on your own. 

    Theseus’s heart thumps wildly against his chest. And as he watches you make lunch for the two of you to share, he finds his mind wandering, envisioning a future with you by his side. Bringing him a grilled cheese you ask, “What’s got you daydreaming handsome?” Pulled from his daze he answers, “You.” Your face turns beet red as you exclaim, “Theseus Scamander you sure know how to make a girl blush!” He laughs, “You’re cute when you blush.” Finishing lunch, Theseus prepares to return to the ministry. Theseus asks, “Will I see you at the minister’s dinner tomorrow night?” “Of course, I wouldn’t leave you alone there,” you reply. Theseus looks at you in awe. “You’re so great,” he gushes. You playfully roll your eyes and push him towards the door. “See you tomorrow darling,” Theseus plants a chaste kiss to your forehead. “Until then,” you reply, watching him go. 

    The next night you get ready for the minister’s dinner and find yourself excited for a ministry event for the first time in your life. “Tina, I’m nervous,” you admit as the two of you get ready. Tina rubs your shoulders comfortingly and reassures you, “Y/n, it’s clear Theseus adores you. You couldn’t do anything wrong, I promise.” “Right, sure,” you reply. Tina laughs, “I mean it. You can see how he looks at you. It was clear to everyone except apparently you two for a while.” You playfully swatted her arm. Emerging from the closet, you ask anxiously, “Do I look okay?” You wore yet another mermaid style evening gown, with wide straps that covered your shoulder blades. The back of the dress plunged dangerously low. The bottom of the skirt was made of a tulle material, the rest of it was satin. This dress was a beautiful shimmering aquamarine color, something surprisingly bright. “You look amazing,” Tina replies immediately. “You look great too Teeny,” you tell her, taking in her own, very similar dress, that was instead a shimmering gold. You had told Theseus you would meet him there, he wasn’t ready to arrive with you yet and be swarmed with questions about the nature of your relationship. “You two look stunning as ever,” Newt comes in, complimenting you both. “Thank you Newt,” you grin at your friend, whose eyes are now glued to Tina, drinking her in. “Alright love birds, let’s go,” you joke, taking one of each of their hands and disapparating. 

    You were now familiar with the minister’s mansion, and told Newt and Tina that you were going to look for Theseus. You made your way through throngs of people, managing to stumble only twice in your brand new nude pumps. Tonight your hair was pulled up high on your head, nestled in a wispy bun. Wearing the same teardrop earrings you did the first time you met Theseus, you kept your makeup simple, just gold eyeshadow with bronzer and a nude lip. You managed to spy him across the room, talking to Yaxley. Striding over, you tap him on the arm. 

    Theseus turns at your touch, his jaw visibly dropping. “I think that’s my new favorite color,” he breathes, gesturing to your dress. You planted a quick kiss on his cheek and replied, “So you like it?” All he could manage to do was nod fervently. Finally, he says huskily, “You look ravishing darling.” He eyes you hungrily and you warn, “Watch yourself Theseus. We’re in public.” Taking in your comment, Theseus turns and says to Yaxley, “You remember y/n l/n, my brother’s assistant don’t you?” Yaxley’s eyes are full of lust as he kisses your hand and says, “Of course I do. Y/n is quite unforgettable.” Theseus watches Yaxley’s lips linger on your hand and you see Theseus’s fists tighten by his side. “Mr. Yaxley, how are you this evening?” you ask politely, drawing your hand away. He smiles, “Lovely Ms. l/n and may I say you look beautiful this evening. The belle of the ball.” Blushing, you thank him as you try to ignore his eyes that study your figure in your dress. Theseus interjects, “I’m quite parched. Anyone care for a drink?” Yaxley politely declines but you pipe up, “I’d love one. I’ll come with you.” Theseus grins, satisfied that you caught on, and offers you his arm as he leads you towards the refreshments. You casually sip on champagne and shiver when Theseus whispers in your ear, “Meet me in the study in five minutes. I need to feel your lips.” Wordlessly, you nod. Then Theseus is gone. 

    The five minutes pass by agonizingly slow and Mr. Yaxley immediately comes back up to you when Theseus leaves. Throughout his monologue, you finally manage to interject, “Mr. Yaxley I must go and use the powder room. It was lovely to see you.” He watches as you race off down the hallway. As you grow farther away from the crowds, you hiss into the air, “Theseus? Where are you?” No answer. Rounding a corner, you go to peek into a room, hoping it’s the study. When you open the door, a hand comes out to meet yours, yanking you through the doorway and into the room, the door shutting behind you. 

    “Theseus I-” you’re immediately cut off by his lips on yours, the hunger and lust in the kiss evident. Theseus’s hands grip your waist tightly and your palms rest against his chest. In a thirst for more, Theseus pushes you up against the wall, planting his palms against the wall on either side of your head. You helplessly pulled at his tie, small moans escaping your lips. “Thes,” you breathe heavily as his lips fall to your collarbone. In between his sloppy, hunger filled kisses, Theseus sighs, “My god y/n, you’re so sexy.” Too overwhelmed to respond, you simply run your hands through his auburn hair as his lips move to your earlobe. You whimper as he nibbles on your sensitive skin, sending fiery pleasure shooting through your veins. Theseus raises his lips back up to your own and kisses you once more. Outside of the room there’s a sudden scraping of chairs against the ground and dinner was being prepared. Theseus moves his lips against your own, and it takes everything in you to push against his shoulders. “Easy tiger, we’ve got a dinner to attend,” you whisper. Your breathes intermingle with his own as he stands against you, heavily exhaling, trying to pull himself together. Finally Theseus raises his hands to his hair, readjusting his curls back to normal. He has a lingering irritated look on his face so you ask, “Theseus what’s wrong?” Turning to you, Theseus looks at you lovingly before saying, “Next event you’re coming as my date. I couldn’t stand to watch Yaxley shamelessly flirt with you. It’s torture.” You grin stupidly and reply, “I’d love that. To come as your date.” Theseus stares at you in awe and decides right then that he’s going to make the jump. “No, not as my date. My girlfriend. Will you be my girlfriend, please?” he asks decisively. Theseus barely has a chance to catch you in his arms as you squeak, “Yes! Yes! Of course I’ll be your girlfriend!” Theseus lets you pepper him with kisses, laughing at your overload of affection. Reluctantly he says, “They’ll notice us missing at dinner.” You nod. “You first,” Theseus pushes you out the door. 

    Sitting at the dinner table, you notice Theseus’s name tag next to your spot. Playing dumb you ask a ministry employee seated near you , “Where is Theseus?” “I’m not sure, I haven’t seen him yet,” the man replies. Tina coughs loudly and you look at her, raising your eyebrows. She makes a move, readjusting the strap of her gown, hinting that you should do the same. Looking down, you bite back a gasp as you cover up one of Theseus’s bite marks on your shoulder blade. “Thanks,” you mouth to her. She nods, suppressing a giggle. Newt looks at you with bug eyes in disbelief that you would be so careless. Before you can attempt to mouth an explanation, Theseus enters and sits down next to you. Throughout dinner he is quiet, overcompensating to try to cover up the fact that he just groped you in the minister’s house. 

    After dinner is long over, Theseus asks you to dance. Smiling, you let him lead you to the dance floor. Your feelings for each other now clear, he doesn’t hesitate to hold you close to him, cradling you against his chest. “I could dance with you forever,” you sigh into his chest. Theseus murmurs into your hair, “I could too. I’d love nothing more than to hold you in my arms forever.” You smile into his chest at his confession. After a moment you look up into those familiar blue eyes and ask, “Thes, when we do come out as a couple, what will people say? I don’t want to ruin your reputation.” Theseus chuckles, “They’ll say lots of things. Probably that I’m a cradle robbing pervert. But for once I don’t care. I don’t think I could imagine my life without you.” You struggle to hold back tears at his sweet statement. Theseus went from worrying about what people would say about the two of you being friends, to wanting you on his arm at the next party as his partner, regardless of how it would look. 

    The night is soon over and you timedly ask, “Want to come over for some tea?” Theseus nods. Grabbing your coat, you smile at the eldest Scamander brother and take his hand, holding it for a moment .Sighing, you lean against his shoulder as Theseus presses a kiss to the top of your head. Then you disapparate. In your absence stands a seething Yaxley, muttering dozens of curses under his breath at the affection that you and Theseus seemed to share for each other. “Son of a bitch,” he grist through clenched teeth, soon leaving the party himself. 

    Newt and Tina are almost all too eager to leave the two of you alone, rushing down to the basement for some fun of their own. Theseus hangs up his coat and sits on the couch, patting the spot next to him. You tell him, “Theseus I know you love this dress, but I’ve got to get out of it and into something comfier. I’ll be back in a moment.” He gives you a fake pout as you walk away to your bedroom. You hiss in pain as you take off your tight heels, kicking them under your bed. Shimmying out of your dress, you put your striped pajamas on. Finally, you remove your earrings and let your hair down, the only remnants of the night being your makeup. 

    You smile at Theseus on the couch and curl up under his arm. “I had a great time,” you whisper. “Me too,” you can hear the grin in his voice. Laughing, you recall, “You left a bite mark on my shoulder.” Theseus stutters, “I may have gotten a little carried away.” Laying your head in his lap, you look up at Theseus, admiring all his features. “You’re so handsome,” you state, running a finger along his jawline. He laughs, leaning into your touch. You yawn sleepily, and you gradually fall asleep gazing at Theseus. 

    Waking up the next morning, you feel a rush of confusion as you found yourself on the couch, not in your bed. Blinking your eyes open, you see Theseus’s arms around you and realize the two of you were curled up on Newt’s couch. You sit up on your elbows, looking around at the clock. It was 11 am. “Theseus wake up,” you hissed in his ear. He groans, slowly opening his eyes. “What time is it?” he asks groggily. “11 am,” you answer, waiting for his inevitable shock. “I’m late for work!” he shouts, jumping up immediately. You laugh at his reaction. He rushes to the door and then stops when he realizes he hasn’t said goodbye to you. “See you later silly,” you giggle, kissing him sweetly. He smiles, “Goodbye beautiful,” as he rushes out the door and to the ministry. 

    Not long after Theseus leaves Newt comes traipsing up the stairs and over to you. “What is it Newt?” you ask at the curious look on his face. He responds, “Mr. Virgil wants to meet with us about our upcoming journey. I think he knows when he wants us to go.” “Oh,” is all you can manage. After everything with Theseus, the last thing you wanted to do was leave England. “He wants to meet at 11:30,” Newt adds. “Oh let me go change, be right back,” you respond, rushing off to change out of your pajamas. 

    Ten minutes later you depart with Newt, clad in a navy blue pantsuit with your white button up underneath your blazer. Entering Obscurus Books, you go to Mr. Virgil’s office. Before you enter, you grab Newt’s hand nervously and ask, “Do you know when he wants us to leave?” Newt gulps, “I have a hunch.” You groan sarcastically, “Great.” Knocking on the door, Mr. Virgil calls for you to enter. “Ahhh my two favorite Magizoologists, please have a seat,” he says. You and Newt sit across from him at his desk. Mr. Virgil begins, “Now I know I’ve gouged you for as many sketches as I can. I want some new material now, so I won’t beat around the bush. I want the two of you to leave right away for your Eastern Asia expedition!” Newt smiles broadly as you ask, “What do you mean right away?” Mr. Virgil responds, “Yes with the holidays coming up I realize the timing is rather inconvenient. I also the impact the two of you are making at ministry events, so of course you must attend the Christmas ball. But you’ll leave on the 1st of the new year!” You nod and manage a small, “Of course.” “Well kids that’s all I have for you. Enjoy your holidays and I’ll see you at the Minister’s Christmas eve ball next week!” he shoos you out of his office. The whole way home you’re silent, your mind floods with worries. 

    Later that night in the case Newt breaks the silence, “What gives?” You nearly sob out your answer, “Newt! Theseus just asked me to be his girlfriend, he’s finally letting himself be happy and now we have to leave!” “It’s only for three months,” Newt sets a reassuring hand on your back. “Three months,” you choke on your words, “But at the worst time imaginable. I don’t want to leave him.” Newt hugs you, rubbing comforting circles across your back. “I know how you feel,” Newt whispers, “I don’t want to leave Tina either. But this is the opportunity we’ve been looking for.” “I know,” you croak. You stand in Newt’s arms, letting him comfort you. Eventually you ask, “How am I supposed to tell him?” Newt walks over to his desk, and you follow. “I don’t know,” Newt confesses. “Don’t know what?” Tina walks in. You immediately panic and turn to Newt, wordlessly asking him what you should do. Apparently Tina caught on and breathes softly, “You’re leaving aren’t you?” Slowly, you nod. “When?” her voice cracks. “January 1st,” Newt whispers. “Oh god,” Tina gasps. Newt looks at his girlfriend and says, “Tina I’m sorry. I didn’t expect it to be this soon.” She says nothing, but rather she falls into Newt’s arms, softly whimpering. You let them be and walk back up the stairs, giving them a moment. 

    The next three days you avoid Theseus completely, which he doesn’t appreciate. So one day, around 9 pm, you sat in the basement, pouring over sketches, when you hear footsteps bounding down the stairs. “Newt don’t worry I ate,” you stop your sentence when you look up and see Theseus standing in front of you, breathless. “Thes, I….” your voice trails off, you’re not sure what to say. “Why are you avoiding me?” he asks, the pain evident in his voice. Your voice trembles, “I’m sorry Thes, I really am. I just, I didn’t know how to tell you.” Immediately concerned, Theseus grabs your hands and searches your gaze. “Tell me what y/n?” he asks hurriedly. You avoid his gaze, sputtering, “Newt and I are supposed to leave for our new set of research on January 1st.” “Oh,” he says pained. You look up into his emotional blue eyes, and brushed a hand against his soft cheek. He covers your hand with his own and asks, “How long?” You sigh, “Three months.” Theseus’s face falls, tears threatening to spill over his eyelids. “We can do this,” you try to reassure him. He agrees, “I know we can. But I really don’t like being away from you. You’re kind of special to me.” Instead of replying, you stand on your tiptoes, grabbing Theseus’s cheeks and kiss him passionately, pouring all your emotion into the kiss. The kiss soon grows salty, the tears from both of you mixing on the surface of your lips. 

    The kiss deepens, and Theseus lifts you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. Theseus carries you over to the green pasture where you first kissed and lays you down gently. Theseus looks to you for permission to continue. You nod, letting out a fluttering sigh as Theseus begins to worship every inch of your skin with his lips. Your mind empties of all thought as Theseus makes love to you. And afterwards, you lay in his arms, overcome with love for this man. Turning to face him you whisper, “Theseus, I want to tell you something.” “What’s that?” he mumbled tiredly. “I don’t want you to feel pressure to say it back, but I want you to know this,” you continue. Theseus raises his eyebrows in question at you. “Theseus, I love you,” you tell him, brushing a curl away from his forehead. He sucks in a sharp breath, his eyes combing over you wildly. “I love you too,” he blurts out. Your face breaks out into a huge grin, “Really?” Theseus kisses you briefly, replying, “Really. Really I do.” “It’s gonna be so hard to leave,” you groan in frustration. Theseus nods, kissing you on the nose. “I’ll be here waiting for you when you get back,” Theseus tells you. “Good,” you reply, kissing him again. 

    The rest of the week before the ball, Theseus was over constantly whenever he wasn’t at work. The four of you lived in harmony, Theseus and Tina suppressing their sadness of you and Newt leaving. The day of the ball was here and you and Tina pushed Newt and Theseus out. “You can’t watch us get ready!” you laugh, pushing the two men from your bedroom. Theseus pouts at you. “Don’t give me that puppy dog look,” you playfully frown at Theseus. “Fine,” he groans, turning away and shutting the door. 

    You helped Tina with her hair, delicately pinning it to the side near her shoulder in a low bun. You put gold eyeshadow on her, as well as blush and a deep red lipstick. The dresses you wore were a surprise, they were matching. Each dress had a sweetheart neckline with off the shoulder long sleeves that flowed down in drips of sheer fabric. The rest of the dresses were made of elegant satin with large skirts that billowed around you, the various tulle layers underneath the satin propping the skirts up. Tina’s was navy blue, yours was emerald green. You did your makeup the same way as Tina’s and pinned your hair into a low side bun as well. Putting in your pearl earrings, you slipped into your nude heels, and declared yourself ready. 

    When the two of you walked out of your bedroom, Newt and Theseus had no words. “Say something won’t you?” you asked Theseus anxiously. Theseus manages to put a phrase together, “My god you look beautiful.” Newt plants an adoring kiss on Tina’s cheek. “Ready?” Theseus offers you his arm. “For anything,” you respond brightly, hooking your arm in his. The four of you depart for the Christmas eve ball. 

    When you entered the ball on Theseus’s arm, all eyes are on you. “Thes I’m nervous,” you whisper to your boyfriend. He chuckles lightly before he presses a kiss to the side of your head saying, “You can do this.” The first man to approach is none other than the minister himself. “Theseus my boy, I saw you arrive with Ms. l/n, I must say the two of you look quite good together,” he smiles. Theseus responds politely, “Thank you minister. I’ve actually brought y/n as my date tonight.” The minister’s eyes light up as he responds, “Does this mean you’ve struck up a courtship?” Laughing, you answer, “Yes Minister. Theseus and I are dating.” The minister claps Theseus on the back and exclaims, “Well done my boy! Well done! You two look marvelous together I do hope to see her at more auror events!” You smile, “Of course minister.” He soon departs. Across the room, Yaxley approaches, fuming. Plastering a fake smile to his face, Yaxley asks, “Can the rumors be true? Has the older Scamander brother begun dating his younger brother’s assistant?” Before you can respond, Theseus does for you, “Yes, it’s true. I’m quite happy with my y/n, she’s a marvel.” Your brow furrows at hearing Theseus call you ‘his’. Then you notice how Yaxley is looking at you and immediately understand why. Yaxley was mentally undressing you with his eyes and you swallowed your disgust. Turning to look at your beloved, you smile up at him and say, “I’m quite happy to be with Theseus as well. He’s the kindest man I know.” Yaxley manages a, “How nice for you,” and storms off. Now facing Theseus, you grin broadly at him and say, “It could have gone worse.” He nods, agreeing with you. “It feels so nice to be able to kiss you in public,” Theseus adds, planting a small kiss on your lips. Grinning at him you reply, “Yes that’s always nice.” 

    You and Theseus were questioned throughout dinner, about your relationship. Theseus graciously fielded all the questions for you as you sat next to him smiling. And when dinner was over, Theseus sweeps you onto the dance floor, showing you off like a beautiful flower. During a tender ballad he holds you tightly against him, fighting back his emotions. “I love you,” you murmur into his chest. “I love you too beautiful,” Theseus responds, tilting your chin up and kissing you deeply. Staring into the blue eyes of the only man you’d ever love, you sigh, “I wish I didn’t have to go.” Theseus looks at you thoughtfully, before brushing a strand of hair that got loose behind your ear. “This is a great opportunity for you and Newt, y/n. You have to go. I’ll still be here when you get back, waiting with open arms,” he tells you firmly. “But what if… what if something happens to you?” you let slip your worst fear. Theseus looks at you sadly, realizing just how scared you were. He reassures you, “Hey, hey, I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be right here when you get back. Nothing’s gonna happen to me.” A tear spills onto your cheek and Theseus wipes it gently away. “When I come back,” your voice falters, “When I come back from Newt and I’s trip, I want to spend the rest of my days with you, by your side.” Theseus audibly gulps, “I want that too.” You gently smile at him and ask, “Is that something you’re ready for Thes?” In that moment, in his heart, Theseus had never been more sure of anything in his life. “I don’t want a life without you in it. I want you by my side always,” he replies firmly. You stare at Theseus, longing in your eyes. “Can we go now?” your voice is barely audible. Theseus nods, saying, “I’ll get your coat.” When he leaves, you go to find Newt. Tapping him on the shoulder you say, “Newt, I think I’m going to spend the night at Theseus’s. I just need some time with him. I’ll be home before we’re supposed to leave.” Newt smiles and replies, “Of course. Try to be excited y/n. It’s not everyday you get to go on an all expenses paid research trip with your best friend.” You smile softly, “Okay Newt, I’ll try. See you later.” Returning to Theseus, you let him envelope you in his arms and disapparate you to his home. 

    What was meant to be one night at Theseus’s ended up being nearly a week. Surprisingly, Theseus took the whole week off of work, instead choosing to spend his days laughing with you, crying with you, and making love to you. Theseus returned to Newt’s with you the day of your departure for your trip. Waiting in the living room for Newt to finish explaining to Tina all the treatment his creatures in the basement needed, you looked at Theseus sadly. He sees you studying with him and walks over, wrapping his arms around you. “It’ll be okay y/n. I told you, I’m gonna be here waiting for you when you get back. I’m already counting the days until you return.” Brushing an auburn coil of hair from his forehead you tell him, “I love you Theseus Scamander.” Theseus smiles down at you and responds, “I love you too y/n l/n.” Newt and Tina emerge from the basement, and noticeably, a tearful goodbye. “I love you Newt,” Tina whispers to him. “And I love you Tina Goldstein,” Newt kisses her on the forehead. Newt approaches you and his brother and says, “We’ll try to write when we can.” Tina and Theseus nod. In a last moment of weakness, you throw yourself into Theseus’s arms, kissing him with everything in you. He returns the kiss just as desperately, his insides falling apart at the idea of you leaving for three months. “I love you,” the two of you breathe together. Separating from your love, you take your spot beside Newt and take your friend’s hand. “Be safe,” Tina advises, the worry in her voice clear. You and Newt nod wordlessly. “See you in April,” Newt says, looking at his brother and his girlfriend. Before you disapparate, you let yourself take one last look at Theseus, drinking him in. Then you and Newt are gone. 

7 weeks later, Somewhere in the East Asian rainforest 

Sitting in Newt’s shed in the case, you smiled, rereading the letter Theseus sent you a few days ago. 

My dearest y/n, 

I miss you more than words can convey. In your absence, I feel how empty my life is without you. I can’t let another day go by without knowing that you’ll spend your life by my side. Assuming you feel as strongly, y/n, I intend to marry you the day you come back to London. I can’t wait anymore. I want you to be my wife. Take this ring so you remember what we’re fighting for. Hope the research is going well. Stay safe. I love you. 

Your fiance, 

-Theseus 

    Glancing away from the letter, you smiled at the glittering sapphire ring that sparkled on your finger. It was risky, sure, but Theseus sent the ring with the letter, wanting it on your finger right away. It was perfect and you couldn’t wait to finish up your research with Newt and return to your waiting fiance. Speaking of Newt, he entered the shed, a grave look on his face. “Newt what is it?” you ask immediately, stepping up to him. He looked like a ghost. He gulps and looks up at you, pausing before saying, “It’s Theseus. He’s gone missing.” Blood rushes in your ears and you’re sure you heard him wrong. “What?” you ask, your heart suddenly pumping very loudly. “Theseus is gone,” Newt repeats. The letter in your hand flutters to the ground and your blood curdling scream fills the night air. 

To be continued