#for example i know it when it hits because i’ll stand up and every part of me suddenly feels like a frail dead leaf in the cold

[writerblue275]

Heartsteel!Sett Becoming a Dad

Inspiration: Listen I’ve had a hellish week and I need this. The other person who did what I do at work left so I’m flying solo at the moment, on top of training a new hire. Things are just bonkers and I’m fucking stressed and I need fluff god damnit.

Extra Inspo: Also @milksuu has me stuck on the thought of Dad!Heartsteel. (GO READ THIS AMAZING DAD!PHEL HEADCANON POST (HERE) AND CRY WITH ME.)

Genre: Headcanon

Type: Fluffy as fuckkkk

Gender: Reader implied afab/able to carry a pregnancy. Use of “mother.”

TW: Discussion of pregnancy, discussion of a deadbeat dad (not Sett ofc). Swearing.

(I don’t even want kids irl but damn I would have his children without question kthxbye.)

When you tell him you’re pregnant, Sett is so so SO fucking excited. Like over the moon thrilled.

The two of you often talked about your future together and starting a family would eventually be a part of it. So while this baby wasn’t exactly planned, it’s not unwelcome news. The timeline just got bumped up a little bit.

Watching him kneel down (because he’s fucking TALL) and rest his forehead against your not-yet-showing belly is heart-melting.

And it is something he does quite often, especially once your bump starts to show. It doesn’t matter whether you’re standing, sitting, or laying in bed.

Sett loves to softly sing or talk to the baby. He sings his favorite songs and tells the baby all sorts of things. Like stories from when he was little, stories about the two of you, the shenanigans him and the other Heartsteel members get up to, or even just what the weather is currently like. Talking to you and your tummy while you gently play with his hair and ears is his definition of domestic bliss.

He’s so extremely helpful. Like just an absolute angel of a partner. His love language is acts of service, so showing his love by doing things for you is already very natural for him. Crank that up to 11 when it comes to you being pregnant. Also your mood swings don’t phase him like at all. He knows it’s the hormones.

He’s meal prepping healthy and pregnancy-safe meals for you, but he’s also happy to run to the store/to get carry out at night when a craving hits. Sometimes you just gotta have fried chicken and ice cream at 11:30pm. He understands!

Whatever you need, Sett’s going to do everything in his power to do it for you. How could he not? You’re going through so much to bring this child into the world. He wants to make it as easy as possible for you.

He tries to make sure he can make every one of your pre-natal appointments if at all possible. He’ll take the day off to make sure he can go with you. And if there’s ever an appointment he can’t make because he’s out of town or something, he’ll face time in so he can still be with you in some way. He never wants you to feel like you’re facing any part of this pregnancy alone. Lean on him. He’s your rock, your partner, and he’s got your back through it all.

Now of course, not everything is sunshine and rainbows. Sett fully believes you’ll be an excellent parent. But surprisingly, that’s not necessarily a belief he holds for himself…

One night when you two are just relaxing together, enjoying the nightly routine of him resting his head on your thigh and talking to your bump, you notice his expression get a little more serious.

“Can I tell you a secret, nugget? One that I haven’t even told your mother yet?” Sett glances up at you shyly before looking back down at your growing bump. “I’m…I’m a bit scared to be a father,” he murmurs. “I’m so excited to meet you and help you grow, but I’m also terrified I’ll mess up too much. I’m afraid I won’t be a good father to you. My dad wasn’t around very long so it’s not like I have someone in my family to look to as a good example of fatherhood…”

Your eyes widen as you listen to him continue to vent his lack of confidence in himself when it comes to being a good father. It breaks your heart. All of this self-doubt coming from the man who makes sure to never miss an appointment, even when he’s in a different country, who took all sorts of brochures from your OBGYN’s office, ordered parenting books galore and has been reading them non-stop, the man excitedly painting the walls of the nursery and helping you build a crib or rocking chair once he’s home from work.

“Settrigh, look at me,” you say softly as you gently run your fingers through his hair.

He looks up at you, his eyes clearly showing his nerves at what your response might be, though he tries to pass off a small shaky smile. “Uh oh…the full name comes out. That’s never good.”

You let out a soft giggle as you look down at him adoringly and gently move your hand down to cup his cheek. “Do you really think I’d still be here with you right now, 7-months pregnant with your child, our child, if I thought you’d be a bad father? Absolutely not, my love. You know I don’t tolerate fools or bullshit. There’s no one I’d rather start a family with and I think you’ll be an incredible father.”

He leans into your touch. “But I don’t know how to be a good father….not with the way mine was…”

“There’s no fool-proof guidebook for parenting, Sett. Even with your Ma as an amazing example, I don’t really know how to be a mother yet. Parenting is something we’ll learn together along the way, yeah?

He nods. “You’re right baby, as per usual.”

Your smile widens before you continue. “While yes, your father is a shitty deadbeat, that doesn’t concern me. Do you know why?”

He gently shakes his head.

You smile softly again. “He wasn’t the one who raised you, babe, your Ma did. Your Ma is one of the kindest, strongest, most loving beings in this world. Despite everything the world threw at her, she survived and she never let it break her spirit. She raised the best life partner I could ever ask for, and I know you’ll pass on all her lessons to our little nugget. Your heart and your upbringing come from your Ma, Sett, not your dad.”

He nods gently and sighs. “She really sacrificed a lot to make sure we’d be ok. I’m so lucky to have her as my Ma.”

“All it takes is one look to see that sacrifice wasn’t in vain. She’s so proud of you, Sett. She feels so lucky to have you as her son. She’s told me so herself.” You run your thumb along his cheekbone. “You’re not your father. I know you’d never just leave, forcing me to fend for this baby all by myself. Hell, you hate leaving me just to go on short work trips with Heartsteel! You’re a far better man than your dad ever was and you’ll be a far better father than he was too.”

His eyes grow soft as you speak and you feel him relax a bit. “You really think so?”

“I know so!…Also, babe, even in the extremely unlikely case you did leave…you know damn well your Ma would hunt you down and drag you back here herself.”

When he’s out of town with Heartsteel, he’s making sure to check in on you and call/facetime at least twice a day.

During each call Sett has you lower your phone down to your bump so he can say hello to the baby. (And if you’re ok with it, he’ll let the other guys/Alune come over and say hi to you and talk to your belly as well. “They should know their uncles and aunt!”)

Even while he’s out of town you know you’re in good hands. His Ma assures you she’s only a call away and is happy to come keep you company if you want her to. She’s truly a saint, offering advice anytime you or Sett ask her for it while also never going against a decision you and him make. She understands better than anyone how chaotic and unpredictable parenthood can be, and she knows the two of you will always do what you think is best for your baby. She’s just the most supportive woman and she’s utterly thrilled to become a grandma.

The two of you decide to wait to find out the sex of the baby. It’s not really important to Sett to know early. Whatever sex, as long as you and the baby are healthy, that’s all he cares about.

When the moment eventually comes and your water breaks, it’s a little hilarious how panicked he gets, dashing around the house to make sure everything important is in the car.

You grab Sett’s arm to get him to pause his scrambling. “Babe out of the two of us, I feel like I should be the one panicking,” you let out on a laugh, leaning up to kiss him softly. “Breathe. We have time. This is why we prepared early and pre-packed the hospital bags in the car, remember? We’re as ready as we can be, my love, so let’s go become parents.”

As you talk he takes a couple deep breaths and relaxes slightly. As you finish, he kisses you gently. “Let’s go become parents,” he murmurs. Before he steps away completely he kneels down and kisses your tummy. “See you soon, nugget…”

Once he gets over the initial wave of anxiety, Sett gets into the zone. Just an incredible birthing partner to have with you. He’s guiding you through your breathing exercises. He has no issue letting you squeeze the fuck out of his hand or arm. He’s even calm when you cuss him out during particularly intense contractions. He knows you don’t really mean what you’re saying, you’re just in a lot of pain. He calmly keeps wiping off your face and neck with a cool towel and murmuring words of encouragement into your ear, smiling gently and holding you as you eventually melt against him for support.

Hates that you’re not allowed to eat anything. He’s not eating anything either in solidarity. What kind of asshole would bring food and eat it while their partner giving birth can’t have any?? Like Sett doesn’t understand people who do that so don’t worry, you definitely won’t experience that with him.

And once the time comes for you to push, he’s wherever you want him to be, whether that’s right next to you holding your hand, helping the nurses by holding a leg, or even sitting behind you, holding you against his chest. He wants/needs to be useful for you. Wherever he is, he’s encouraging and praising you to high heavens, in absolute awe of you and your strength.

And once the baby comes…🥹🥹🥹

Sett’s eyes are watering as soon as he sees the the teeny tiny ears on top of the baby’s head.

But first he’s hugging you, making sure you’re alright, telling you how amazing you did and how proud of you he is. And as soon as the docs/nurses give the all clear, he’s giving you your fav snacks that he packed so you can finally eat something.

Once he sees you holding the baby, that’s when the tears really start falling. His heart can’t handle it. You, the love of his life, holding your baby, a direct result of your love for each other. It’s one of the most beautiful sights he’s ever witnessed.

He’s sitting next to you on the edge of the bed, his arm around you, looking down at this squalling bundle in your arms with the biggest, most adoring smile on his face.

And when Sett gets a chance to hold the baby? He’s finally able to talk to the baby outside your tummy? Oh he’s so excited! His heart is filled with so much love it’s about to burst.

As is yours, seeing your massive partner holding this small bundle so carefully and protectively in his arms. He’s so gentle and sweet as he welcomes your child into the world and promises he’ll always be there to love, protect, and guide them as best he can. You know Sett means every single word with his whole heart, and it brings happy tears to your eyes as you start this new journey together as a family.

Ah! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed! I just really needed Heartsteel fluffiness at the moment and the thought of Sett as a dad is just so cute. (Especially the thought of him as a girl dad oh my fucking god.)

[simpxxstan]

oh my god 300 followers?! thank you to everyone who's chosen to follow my page. i hope i don't let you down while you're with me on this website/app. let's have a fun time together!! <333

here's a snippet from nobody else (jww oneshot): part 2 to celebrate this moment:

(here's the track moodboard to set the pace, cause part 2 is so much vulnerable softness rather than the hard edges of part 1)

harsh language under the cut, and spoilers. don't read if you want to wait for the whole thing at once (although i can warn you it's going to take some time)

“Listen, we can still call this off. I don’t want to be an object of your pity.”

“Pity? I wanted to help you, Y/N. There’s a difference, or is your brain too ego-clouded to understand?”

“Wonwoo, I could marry anyone-”

“And yet, it was me you came to!”

“It was convenient! I couldn’t really marry … say, Jisung, when my parents had proof that we’d been sleeping together!”

“Oh, so it’s Jisung now-”

“It was a damn example!” You’re shouting now, but his voice is still low and hoarse. It creates goosebumps on your skin. 

“If that’s who you want to marry, you can go ahead. You better know that I have no desire to be wedded to you tomorrow!” He takes a step forward, and you step back. “What do you think I am, huh? Your toy? Today you want to fuck, tomorrow you want to end things, the next day you come begging at my door to blow your mind with my dick, and the day after that you want to get fucking married? You don’t think keeping up with your plot twists are stressful for me? Do you think I’m getting off on your mood swings? I am helping you, because you’re in a dire situation. Don’t you dare spin this narrative to anything else, because it is not charity or love for you that’s motivating me to step into this hell of a marriage that I can see coming.” 

With every word he utters, he steps closer and closer, and you keep walking back until your back hits the wall. And then he’s standing right in front of you, close enough that you can see the exact dilation of his pupils even beyond his glasses. “I don’t need your help, Wonwoo. I’m not a damsel in distress.” He closes his eyes for a second, breathing in. When his eyes do open again, they’re different- darker, yet with more clarity, less angry and yet more dangerous. He leans down, and for a second, for a delusional mindless moment, you think he’s going to kiss you. You part your lips, waiting for impact, as he tilts his head ever so slightly, all while staring into your soul.

“I don’t give a fuck about you, Y/N. I don’t care. I’m just repaying an old debt.”

Then he steps back and picks up his phone from the coffee table. “I’ll mail it to you. Don’t be a brat and make sure to read it.”

[xluciifer]

Read you post about internet relationships that become romantic. I agree with it wholeheartedly that it’s more likely to end in heartache. I feel like sharing a tiny bit of my heart that hasn’t fully healed yet. (Tw for disappearance/possible loss)

I met someone online, 13hrs apart. Both of us literally on opposite sides of the world. It was here on tumblr and we met through a fandom. Over the course of a year our mutual standing became more than that. We’d call on discord and video chat, send each other the sappiest messages to wake up to. This online dating lasted 2 delightful years. Until one day, they never logged back on anywhere. None of our friend group nor their followers heard from them or saw them on any other media sites. It was like they vanished off the face of the earth and none of us knew why. I couldn’t even properly look up news reports to find out if something happened. It’s been 3 years, I’m finally allowing myself to be open to finding a relationship in-person. But a large piece of my heart went with them and I’ll never know what happened to take them from me.

My apologies for this super sad and personal story. Your warning about relationships online I felt this may offer another example of caution.

Aww! 🥺 I'm glad you felt comfortable enough sharing your story with me. And I'm really sorry. I resonate with this story a lot because something kind of similar happened to me? Not the part of them never logging back on and disappearing off the face of the planet - but something similar. When I was 16-17ish, I roleplayed in the Kingdom Hearts fandom with friends on FB. We all grew super close the 4 of us, I was the only girl of the group. And I got really close to one of them, we'd talk all the time, roleplay and ship together, call on the phone, everything.

Then one day, I still remember it and have the message. He said he was going somewhere with his dad and he was drunk and his dad insisted that he'd come with and help. That's the last I ever heard from him. We may have dated a year give or take; didn't hear from him in days and a friend from the group messaged me and gave me the hard news. His dad hit head on with a tree and my boyfriend died on impact but his father lived. This happened back in 2011. It's been 13 years - and I'm just realizing that now. He was so young and I think fondly of him often, even if he isn't here anymore. The friend group don't talk to each other like we used to, but every other year or so we reach out to one another again.

So, keep your head up and your heart safe, think fondly of them always. ❤️

[xexiar]

God! I’m currently working on explaining this blasphemy!

First read around I understood why and thought it was entertaining. But going back on it, this was unnecessary. It’s causing more harm than good. It paints him as a wild animal that can’t be control.

Sure, it comes back to the whole kidnapping by villains. But like, it’s a teenager! And he’s being showcased in a major event that he’s not stable.

So of course nobody should have been surprised that he got kidnapped. Especially when making it clear as day that not even trained heroes know what to do with him.

Which makes his character even more amazing and inspiring. Because, here’s a child who’s put in the spotlight both good and bad. A child who has to constantly be pressured to be “perfect”. But same time people sees him as a monster. The society itself doesn’t see him as a person but as a weapon.

And the whole thing about Best Jeanist being a hero that “conforms” “trouble youths” always hit a nerve with me. Constantly trying to push ideals onto a child to fit into society.

Deku has the obvious being rejected by society for being quirkless. There’s the whole “victim” who eventually stands up for himself.

But there’s nothing like having your every move judge at every waking moment. To have grownups question your every thought. Where how easily you can be seen as a villain if you break an unspoken rule.

It really does hurt to see him go through all that. But I enjoy the few moments where he explores who he truly is as a person. He’s caring, encouraging, hard working to get what he wants. He’s also very friendly.

Then we also get to witness that he doesn’t know many society acceptable behaviors for kids his age. Like activities and gestures that boys his age tend to do. He’s very isolated.

For example: many people when meeting me and knowing my story say that I’m “a shelter child” all because I don’t understand or know common things that people outside my situation knows. I didn’t know there was a thing called Comic Con until college. A lot of my peers were shocked that I didn’t even know that or common events within my own city. I grew up in NYC but know absolutely nothing about it. A lot of people are shocked at the fact I don’t have a common accent to tell what part of NY I’m from. I never knew about the Nintendo or Dinsey store. I basically only ever knew about the outside world was through the internet or documentaries.

So I understand and see the same signs in Katsuki. Of course he doesn’t agree with not using his quirk in public, because everyone always telling him how amazing his quirk is. So he shows it off to hopefully get praised for doing good. The few times he seems to have a social life is with people that lives within walking distance from school to home. He does not travel. He does not know anything outside of his bubble.

Katsuki is basically a “shelter child”. I hate that term. So while going through UA his bubble grows. Izuku isn’t just a childhood friend he has mixed emotions about growing up. Izuku is also like a comfort blanket for Katsuki. Izuku is someone he knows, so it’s easier to go to him when something is wrong.

And as Katsuki has a person, he’s also learning knew things. His bubble is no longer small. It gets to where he doesn’t seek comfort from Izuku, that’s where I believe is when he starts to try to understand his emotions. Like why go to someone who no longer serve their original purpose? I think Katsuki then gets hits with a realization that his life feels empty.

He finally has “friends” and is getting comfortable with himself. He starts trying to make amends for past actions. There’s a borderline between obsession due to that’s the only thing you know and relearning an emotion that was always there.

I’ll use myself as an example for that part. I didn’t I liked girls the way I know now to be. I fought with myself the whole time. Thinking how “we’re just friends” to justify my actions. Always agreeing with my female “friend”, giving her gifts, even giving flowers and calling her pretty. She thought I was weird. Then later in life when I finally understood myself more and my emotions, I learned this “friend” feeling was actually a crush.

Hence why I love the idea of Katsuki coming to terms with himself and eventually realizing he always had a crush on Izuku. And then having those emotions grow but trying harder than ever to bury them. It’s so poetic. Now with this new volume I’m super excited to see if he will finally confess. After all, he is Katsuki Bakugo and he always has to be first.

… SHIT! Lol I rambled lol 😂 I’m not editing or taking this down. Either way, oops 😅

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super 129

Let’s rock.

Last episode, Goku was the only one left standing against Jiren, and he was completely helpless, but then, before Jiren could finish him off, he tapped into Ultra Instinct for a third time.  Now the fight has taken a new turn, and it looks like Goku finally stands a chance.

Like I said about some of the recent episodes, the animation and fight choreography are spectacular, and much of the runtime is just awesome, high-speed, full-impact fighting, which I’m not really equipped to show in this “text with still images” format.  I should try giffing some of this stuff one of these days, but the point is that you’ll just have to see it for yourself.  YouTube has plenty of clips floating around.  

The problem is that Goku’s Ultra Instinct power makes him strong enough to stand up to Jiren, but he’s still weak on offense.  That’s because using UI to attack is especially hard to master.  Goku’s trained his whole life to carefully analyze and guage his opponents’ strength when deciding how to attack, and that thought process disrupts the whole “autonomous” part of Autonomous Ultra Instinct.   But he had this problem while fighting Kefla in Episode 116, and he worked around it by using his UI dodging powers to get close enough to fire a Kamehameha.  Here, we see him try the same trick again, but Jiren’s got him scouted.  

After all, Jiren’s been keeping an eye on Goku, and he watched Episode 116 like everyone else. So he blocks the Kamehameha and fires back with his own attack.  Goku only survives by redirecting the Kamehameha into a ki barrier to protect himself.  I’m guessing this is more UI magic, since I don’t think we’ve ever seen Goku do anything like this before.

But Goku’s still in deep trouble if all he can do is block.  Sooner or later, Jiren will wear down his defenses and eliminate him.  Belmod declares victory, saying that Goku’s incomplete Ultra Instinct won’t be enough.  Then Vegeta calls him out for such a foolish statement.  Obviously, if Goku can complete his incomplete Ultra Instinct, then he’ll be able to turn the tables, so why should Belmod be so confident that he can’t?  Throughout the Tournament of Power, every Saiyan competitor has pushed beyond their limits.  Goku making it this far is just the latest example, but Cabba and Caulifla learned Super Saiyan 2, Kale learned to control her Super Saiyan form, and Vegeta pioneered a whole new transformation from scratch.  At least six of the Universe 11 team have been eliminated by a Saiyan, which says a lot. 

I mean, sure, Goku could flame out at any moment, but why would Belmod dare to take that for granted, after everything he’s seen?

And Belmod knows Vegeta has a point, so he calls out to Jiren, commanding him to finish Goku off now while he still can.  I just can’t get over this guy being a literal fucking clown.  I dig the character, but I’ll stop and look at this guy and thing “What were they thinking...?”

Anyway, Vegeta calls out to Goku and tells him to get gud and win, because Vegeta entrusted his promise to him and all that jazz. 

And that seems to get Goku back in the game, but is that enough? 

I mean, they start fighting some more, but how is this any different from before?

According to Whis, it is different.  He says he can feel the... something that Goku has achieved to make Ultra Instinct truly work.  It’s a prettier speech, but the point is that Whis can sense the change.  Goku’s completely blocked out all other diversions in his mind, and he can focus solely on his fight.

But Jiren isn’t letting up.  He manages to get Goku onto one of those fragments of the ring, then fires down on him from above.  So Goku’s standing on that black speck in the middle of that brightly colored triangle, which is Jiren’s barrage.  Goku can shield himself and the rock he’s standing on, but he can’t do anything else without eating a hit.  And if he the rock gets destroyed, Goku can’t reach any other places to stand, so he’ll be eliminated for sure.

Everyone worries about this predicament, but then they notice sparks above Goku’s field, and they realize that he’s not just blocking Jiren’s offensive, but mounting a counterattack of his own. 

Then he just jumps straight up and....

Bam!  Jiren takes one right in the titty!

He ain’t even mad, because Goku finally managed to hit him all by himself. 

But Belmod wants this fight finished, so Jiren readies a ki blast to end it, but then....

Goku’s suddenly behind Jiren, and he stole his little ki blast thing!  No fair!

The gods of Destruction all start to stand up, and it’s because they know what they’re seeing here.  Beerus asks Whis anyway, just to be clear, and Whis confirms it. 

Goku’s glowing white and he’s stylin’ all over Jiren now.  There could be only one explanation.  This is Autonomous Ultra Instinct, the full thing, the real deal, the whole enchilada.

And he’s got the same weird eye thing going on as Vegeta’s Royal Blue form.  Not a big fan of that. 

Here’s KISS with “I”

[winterrhayle]

rank red and lover and evermore

ok i should’ve expected this many☠️☠️☠️☠️

red (taylor’s version) this one is so difficult to rank bc its so LONG and tbh ive already changed my mind on the bottom rankings so ignore the numbers oh and im not ranking ronan bc. yeah.

i almost do - i literally could not tell you why but this has been my favourite song from red for a long long time,, probably because i’ve never gotten over anything ever

better man - WHY WASNT THIS ON THE ORIGINAL ALBUM😭😭😭😭😭😭

the moment i knew - AND IT WAS LIKE SLOOOWWW MOTION STANDING THERE IN MY PARTY DRESSS IN REEEEED LIPSTICK QITH NO ONE TO IMPRESS ok this song was always in my top 3 for red but atw10 really elevated it bc of all the references

the very first night - why are the vaults so GOOOD OMG this song is so fun and has such silly energy i love it

forever winter - this song is so devastating but also if i ignore the lyrics the horns make it a bop????

all too well 10 min version - what can i say it’s ALL TOO WELL. AND I WAS NEVER GOOD AT TELLING JOKES BUT THE PUNCHLINE GOES I’LL GET OLDER BUT YOURE LOVERS DTAY MY AGE

nothing new - phoebe bridgers makes me feel things. also i should now find this song and the fear of getting older relatable bc i’m literally ‘the kinda radiance you only have at seventeen’

babe - the sugarland version is good but taylor’s is so much better and i love the added ‘what about your promises promises’ thing

red - WHEN THE DRUMS COME IN OMGGGG ,, oh also random anec dote one time when i was 9 or 10 my teacher asked me for an example of a metaphor so i used one of these lyrics

i bet you think about me - I LOVE COUNTRY TAYLOR AND I LOVE SASSY TAYLOR (aka fearless taylor)

treacherous - that part where shes like 'i'll follow you follow you home' is so funny bc like girl are u a stalker or something😭

state of grace - for some reason i specifically LOVEE sreaming the lyrics 'twin fire signs, four blue eyes' even though i am a pisces with BROWN EYES???? (also this is one of the many rerecordings that sounded better in the og version,,, i only play tv though)

all too well (normal length version) - this one was top 3 before red tv was released but for some reason the new vocals dont hit the same😔i would still consider it to be a perfect song though,, atw is THAT GIRL 13/10

the last time - if u dont try to sing both parts of this and mess up then ur lyyyinnggggg

everything has changed - not 2 be a sheerio (i am NOT ONE) but the ed sheeran x taylor collabs on this album are so cuteeetetete and im obsessed with how the kid actors from this mv were used for joker and the queen mv like a decade later

22 - in 5 years this song will be on REPEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!AH OHHHHH I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT IM FEELIN TWENNY TWOOOOO

run - this is giving i know places and i loveeeee it 10/10 i love it when she collabs with ed within his musical range (this is a diss to endgame)

come back ... be here - THE BRIDGE. i love pretending that my (non existent) lover has flown allll the way to london soo far away from me (london is an hour drive from my house) and i am BREAKING DOWN BECAUSE MY MAN ISNT HERE (im literally a lesbian)

sad beautiful tragic - ok i dont ever actively search for this song but when it comes on i will listen to the whole thing every time. i think i said this about hoax but this is the type of sadness i craaave

holy ground - the forever & always > better than revenge > last kiss > holy ground > invisible string (that one line about the babies and presents) pipeline is one of my favourite things in the swiftverse ever everrrrr love u joe jonas

i knew you were trouble - remember that goat meme? yeah🥹

the lucky one - whoever said this song is evelyn hugo is so CORRECT.

we are never everrrrrr getting back together - I LOVE THIS SONG BUT SHE BOTCHED IT IN THE 2021 VERSION LMAOOOO RIP (ALSO SHOUT OUT TO THE ROCK VERSION OF THIS <333333)

begin again - this was such a perfect closing song for the standard edition of the album,, it ties off the whole break up album so well and it has her moving on to someone who treats her wife and ahhhhh

starlight - the 'have 10 kids and teach them how to dream' line rly catches me off guard sometimes😭 but i'll allow it

stay stay stay - THE PEOPLE WHO HATE ON THIS SONG DONT GET ITTTT. THE 5 MINUTE CRAFTS MUSIC IS CAMP. YOU CAN PRIZE STAY STAY STAY OUT OF MY COLD DEAD HANDS.

message in a bottle - this song is so 2012 where was this in the og album😒😒😒😒 it could have been one of the greats with ikywt,wanegbt,22 but whatever (same with the very first night S.M.H)

girl at home - i didnt like the og version, and i know a lot of people dont like the different production it has on the rerecording but i actually prefer it,,, but its my least favourite song on the album still. rip.

i started that ranking at 6:22am and now its 6:25pm. ITS BEEN 12 HOURS HELP WHY IS RED SO LONG anyway,,,,,

LOVEERRRRRRRR (aka one of my 3 stan albums) also not ranking soon youll get better for the same reasons as ronan ^

daylight - can i just say,, I KNOW THIS SONG TECHNICALLY DOESNT COUNT BEFORE BC TOE IS NO LONGER A THING BUT IGNORE THAT PLEASE FOR THIS ONE😭 ok this one has some of my favourite lyrics,, including 'i once believed love would be burning red, but its golden' ARE YOU KIDDDINGGGGG SHE INFLUENCED THE SONG AND ALBUM RED. AS IN SHE THOUGHT LOVE WOULD BE BURRRNIN REDDDD LIKE THE LYRIC. U KNOW THE ONE IM TALKING ABOUT RIGHT (2 mins into red the song). OHH ALSO THE VOICE MEMO AT THE END IS SO ICONIC I WANNA GET 'YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE' TATTOOOOOOD ON MYSELF

the archer - one thing i will eat up every time is when a song is produces in a way that makes u feel anxious (either when theres build up with no beat drop/release OR when the drums are super threatening if that makes sense) eg, labyrinth and out of the woods. the archer is such a perfect song and i love the heartbeats that she puts in the bridge (reminds me of wildest dreams and youre losing me ahhhhhh) and whenever i see eras videos of this song people say they wish it wasnt on the set list and honestly i find that baffling. if i ever see that song live i will literally pass away AND if i go to eras i wanna dress up as the archer (cupid vibes)

miss americana & the heartbreak prince - can i just say IVE BEEN A STAN OF THIS SONG SINCE 2019 and it was my favourite from lover for years omg,, and when i saw she opened the eras tour with this one i was so happy bc its finally getting the recognition it deserves !!!!!

afterglow - this song is so criminally underrated and its one of the realest songs on the album,, like is shows that love isnt always perfect and thats such an important thing to know specially for delusional girls like me ohh also theres a few songs on lover that have very specific producion styles, its afterglow, daylight, cornelia street and all of the girls AND ITS MY FAVOURITE PRODUCTION STYLE IN HER DISCOGRAPHY its so light and airy and i cant describe it properly but i love it so much

lover - omg this was my top song on spotify wrapped 2021,, its like the textbook perfect love song and i love the vows in the bridge and i love(r) the 'we can leave the christmas lights till january' and i love the mundane romantic things like saving seats and letting your friends crash in the living room and ahahsuhfjsadlgajhdfhkasgdfhgas

cornelia street - ok unlike daylight, i literally cannon ignore how defesting this song is with the uhhh...,., recent events in the toe timeline, but honestly the existence of 'youre losing me' elevates this song even more with all of the parallels and irony and before this was a cutesie song about omg what if me and my lover break up but now its just a knife twisting in my heart and yeah. rip toe

its nice to have a friend - this was also one of my big stan songs in 2019,, the simplicity just drew me in and its such a sweet song and it reminds me of walking around after school in february where its still getting dark kinda early and u can see the sky turning pink and orange and yeah <3333333333333333 i know this song has its haters but they are all just cold hearted haters, what can i say

cruel summer - IMDRUNKINTHEBACKOFTHECARANDICRIEDLIKEABABYCOMINGHOMEFROMTHEBARSAIDIMFINEBUTITWASNTTRUEIDONTWANNAKEEPSECRETSJUSTTOKEEPYOUANDISNUCKINTHROUGHTHEGARDENGATESEVERYNIGHTTHATSUMMERJUSTTOSEALMYFATEOHHHANDISCREAMEDFORWHATEVERITSWORTHILOVEYOUAINTTHATTHEWORSTTHINGYOUEVERHEARTHELOOKSUPGRINNINGLIKETHEDEVIL

all of the girls you loved before - LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND COMPARE IT WITH PERMANENT MARKER, THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HOW SHE THINKS OF EXES THEN AND NOW IS SO FUNNY

i think he knows - this song makes me feel so silly and michevious idk why likeeeeee im listening to it right now and i feel like i wanna go annoy everyone in my houseee

ME ! - ok i know what u guys are gonna say BUT I DONT CARE. I AM A ME STAN. IF U DONT LIKE THIS SONG UR BORING AND HAVE NO FRIENDS SORRYYYYYYYY like yeah its cringe, yeah the lyrics are corny, but you know what??????? BABY THATS THE FUN OF ME (!) HE HE HEEEE the only valid critisism of this song is the inclusion of brendon urie and tbh that is valid i agree she should have made me (!) the feature

death by a thousand cuts - the way she put in the my my my my from the song lover is so rude and criminal bc why would she do that to me :( and i know this song is sad but imma be dancing around to that bridge idc idc

paper rings - omg this one is so nostalgic,,, i remember my ex gf used to make paper rings because of this song and she taught me and a bunch of our friends at school how to make them it was so fun,,, this was the song i associated with us once upon a time and now we're not a couple anymore but yk what???? i dont find this song sad its all good memories and me and her are still besties so whateverrrr *PAPER RINGS SUPREMACY*

london boy - THIS SONG >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> EVERYTHING BECAUSE LIKE SO MANY SONGS ON THIS ALBUM ITS SO UNSERIOUS AND A GOOD TIME,, IF YOU GET IT YOU GET IT!!!!!!! ALSO IT HITS DIFFERENT WHEN UR ENGLISH (taylor says she loves us <33333333) also shout out to these very iconic parts : 'we can go drivin in, on my scootuh' and 'pubwe' 'darling i fancy you' and its so funny how she literally just lists a bunch of places in london and its seems london until you put all of the locations in google maps and it makes the shape of a heart <3333333333

false god - that saxaphone����😫😫😫 i rly hope taylor does more jazz in the future bc this song is so amazing

you need to calm down - shade never made anybody less gay FR,, like i said before, im a lesbian and this song makes me wanna tell everryyybody and its such a sillly fun song love love love,, i wish it was longer though

need - YEAHH IM DOING UNRELEASED TOO IDC,, i have this downloaded (very legally) on my spotify bc i (need)ed it very much and ill do it again. this shouldve been on the actual album #justiceforneed2023

the man - okayyyyyyy i diss this song often but i love it really,,, its so #millenialgirlboss

i forgot that you existed - ok i get the message and the whole idea of moving on from reputation idea but did it really have to be the album opener 😭 if somebody plays this album without having heard anything else from taylor and they hear 'in my feelings more than drake so yeah' THEY WILL LITERALLY NEVER LISTEN TO HER AGAINNNN ill allow it because its funny and im a satire girlie but taylor why couldnt you open the album with cruel summer☠️ screaming

evermoree

gold rush - ok guys you know how i feel about winlet and this song YOU KNOWWW THIS. gold rush is my all time most played song on spotify, and its so perfect and magical and if u listen to the dolby atmos stems theres some really nice drums and the 'my mind turns your life into folkloorreeeee' like is SO meta i love her for that

cowboy like me - con artists falling in love????? COUNT ME IN. ohh and i feel like im gonna do this a lot on this album but i have some lyrics that i neeeed to give a shout out to : 'and the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to f*ck this up' , 'now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon, with your boots beneath my bed, forever is the sweetest con' imagine being able to write like that likee damn girl

'tis the damn season - im so obsessed with how this song is the other perspective from the song dorethea,, this is honestly the song i listen to the most every december bc its just the perfect holiday song for me

ivy - I CANT EVEN SHOUT OUT LYRICS HERE BECAUSE THE WHOLE SONG IS LITERALLY GOD TIER LYRICISM. WHO LET HER DO THIS. HOW DOES ONE JUST WRITE ALL OF THIS???????????????? TS > SHAKESPEARE

marjorie - this song is such a beautiful one and its my mums favourite and she always tells me to play it when i have the aux 🥹 when taylor plays this at the eras tour and that part with marjories opera singing plays and u can see taylor crying i just wanna bawl my eyes out

evermore - every few months i rediscover this song and its so perfect and the part in the bridge where the intensity is building and bilding and in the line 'you were there' her voice softens and the whole feeling of anxiety just subsides andaahhhhhhhassdbfkssf , same energy as ootw where the bridge is super fast and anxious and the end shes like 'you were lookin at me' and her voice softens there too, its such a cool thing to do vocally and it rly tells u the perspective the song is from with her spiraling and her lover kinda pulling her back into the present (its giving jacinter energyy)

willow - for literally no reason whenever i hear this song i think of a mermaid and a pirate falling in love,, and theyre both lesbians (i dont make the rules thats just how it is ok) 'wait for the signal and i'll meet you after dark' the only logical conclusion to be drawn from this is that the mermaid and pirate are sneaking around bc mermaids and pirates hate eachother,, like romeo and juliet,,,, like ariel and eric. do u see the vision. do u see the forbidden love. yeah u get it (i know it says thats my man in the song but im choosing to ignore that) (ALSO IM NOT A GAYLOR THIS IS JUST HOW I LIKE TO THINK OF THE SONG LOL)

champagne problems - the fact that she wrote this with joe is insane like how do u sit with ur bf and write a breakup song like this as a fictional thing,, and then break up for the reason in said song 3 years later?????? wild😭

right where you left me - DELUSION ANTHEM 🗣🔊💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

tolerate it - man this song is depressing,, like u know how the song ends with 'i sit and watch you' thats because its repeating the fist line of the song. as in shes in a loop. as in she has all these thoughts and realisations and then realises she has to leave and then ends up right where she started and stays. deep.

no body, no crime - OHH IMAGINE SITTING ROUND A CAMPFIRE SINGING THIS ONE ITS SUCH A FUN MURDER STORY LOVEEE IT

coney island - the bridge with all the references 😫 'were you standing in the hallway, with a big cake, happy birthday / and they're all standing around me singing "happy birthday to you but there was one thing missing' , 'did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey? / you paint me a blue sky then go back and turn it to rain' , 'and when I got into the accident the sight that flashed before me was your face / remember when you hit the brakes too soon? .... but when the sun came up, I was looking at you' , 'but when I walked up to the podium, i think that I forgot to say your name' / this ones about calvin harris but there isnt a song about it,, but she does talk about this in the miss americana documentary

long story short - this song is literally the whole of reputation summarised its so good

dorothea - this ones the betty of the album,, the simple acoustic part of a song parinng / group, like ive said i love it when she returns to her roots and releases things reminiscent of debut

its time to go - I HATE YOUUUU SCOOTER

happiness - this one is very sad but a little uplifting i guess, i find it so sweet how taylor writes songs for abigail (fifteen and this) to help her get through things

closure - ok i know this is at the bottom of my ranking but i actually really like this song a lot,,, the production is what people hate but i love how its all chaos, representing the whole drama with the breakdown in taylor and scooter / karlies friendships and then the piano comes in smoothly THROUGH the chaos, which reminds me of taylor just ignoring all that drama and being able to move on while theyre still just bothering her in the background

BEA. THIS TOOK AGES I HATE YOU HAHAHAHH

[rarebritney]

Can I ask you for advice Miss Winnie? I have been in a long distance relationship for 1 year w a really great guy. But one thing that keeps coming up is his frustration with how I respond to advances from other guys. I’ll tell him each time what happened, saying it was so uncomfortable, but he gets upset with my consistent struggle to shut down the interaction. For example a coworker kept asking for my Snapchat and I kept indirectly saying no, not comfortable with it but unclear about whether it was flirting or just friendly, saying like “I don’t ever use it.” Eventually he asked me if he could add himself on my phone and I let it happen to make him stop. I told him I had a bf in DMs later once it was more clear to me he was hitting on me and not just being friendly. Most recently at my sister’s wedding a guy kept pressuring me to dance (I’m not the dancing type and didn’t know him) and my other sister was pressuring me too. I figured it was just a friendly gesture to get me to loosen up bc everyone can tell I’m shy, and I ended up dancing w him. But he got too close to me and I was very uncomfortable and stopped after like 30s. I thought it would be rude to keep declining. But my bf has pointed out this pattern of me going along w other guys’ advances and said it hurts him bc he can’t be here w me. I feel weak for not being more assertive, and naive and dumb for misinterpreting guys’ intentions. And guilty that it hurts him. Lifelong self esteem issues have made me struggle to interpret flirting so I also feel hurt that my bf says it should be obvious. What can I do? :(

Omg I relate to this so much. I think what you should do is set aside your bfs feelings for a minute and focus on how you feel and what you want. Being assertive is really hard, and I feel like I am similar to you in this way where I tend to assume people aren't hitting on me when they clearly are. I think considering your boyfriend's opinion on it is complicating this for you. It sounds like he is very protective and maybe a bit possessive of you, I don't mean this as a judgement bc I like these qualities in a partner if I'm honest, but really this is about you standing up for what you need, not about how it makes him feel. If you feel strongly about not having any interactions with other guys that feel potentially flirty then that should be the reason you shut it down. Obviously you want to be faithful to your partner but giving your Snapchat to someone or dancing with someone is not being unfaithful in my opinion, it can be a normal part of interacting with your peers as long as the boundaries are clear. Your boyfriend means well but he clearly doesn't understand how manipulative guys can be when they're trying to get in with someone, it is not always obvious when someone is flirting. and guys will flirt and then claim they aren't when they sense they might be rejected, and it's confusing and weird. The boundaries you set are for you, even though they involve your relationship it's because your relationship is important to you! Don't feel like you need to lock yourself in a tower to make your bf feel better. Honestly I think he needs to chill a little bit. If your heart is in the right place you do not need to report to him every interaction you have with another man who seems interested in you, clearly it is a common enough occurrence that he can just know that it happens sometimes, but you turn them down. You might just need to practice saying "no." And "I have a boyfriend." It's not easy especially if you feel strongly about always seeming polite and not hurting feelings, which I totally get bc I am this way. But you owe it to yourself to not feel all tangled up about these things!! My heart goes out to you... Please let go of any guilt you might be carrying. I can tell how faithful your heart is❤️

[jdgo51]

MARCH 6, 2024

Let God In

Judy Hoyt Pettigrew (Florida, USA)

"Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil." - Matthew 4:1 (NIV)

"'What are you giving up for Lent? I know I am supposed to give up something in order to reflect on Jesus’ 40 days in the desert and to prepare for the commemoration of Jesus’ death and resurrection. My immediate answer for way too many years has been “chocolate” and “playing pickleball.” But if I knew I was going to die in 40 days, giving up food and fun would not make the list at all! So, what would I give up?

I’d give up wasting time. I would focus on all the people I haven’t seen or talked to enough and tell them how much they mean to me.

I’d give up trying to tell my grandkids what to do! Instead, I would write down my life’s story — hopefully to leave answers to questions they will surely have after I am gone.

I’d give up harbored anger, resentment, and frustration over my failures, the relationships that turned out badly, and the opportunities I ignored.

I’d give it all up to let God in — not just for Lent or 40 days, but from this day forward. Let us renew our commitment to follow Jesus’ example of obedience as we seek fullness of life in God."' What is the correct thing to give up for Lent. That varies as much as the varied people who will make such choices. Some believers are not that clear on this and do not make a specific choice. You do you! Whatever works for your beliefs and for your personal satisfaction.

TODAY'S PRAYER

"Dear God, help us to appreciate the sacrifice Jesus made for us. Give us the courage to follow his leading toward wholeness of life." Amen.

Matthew 4:1-11

"'1 Then the Spirit led Jesus up into the wilderness so that the devil might tempt him. 2 After Jesus had fasted for forty days and forty nights, he was starving. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “Since you are God’s Son, command these stones to become bread.” 4 Jesus replied, “It’s written, People won’t live only by bread, but by every word spoken by God.” 5 After that the devil brought him into the holy city and stood him at the highest point of the temple. He said to him, 6 “Since you are God’s Son, throw yourself down; for it is written, I will command my angels concerning you, and they will take you up in their hands so that you won’t hit your foot on a stone.” 7 Jesus replied, “Again it’s written, Don’t test the Lord your God.” 8 Then the devil brought him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. 9 He said, “I’ll give you all these if you bow down and worship me.” 10 Jesus responded, “Go away, Satan, because it’s written, You will worship the Lord your God and serve only him.” 11 The devil left him, and angels came and took care of him."' Continue to refuse to do anything the Devil tempts you with and eventually he goes away. The hardest part is being strong enough to stand behind that refusal. God should win, and not Satan. Blessings abound when you choose God. Joe

[911firefox]

They literally reduced Eddie to “that angry guy” in Buck’s dream, what are you talking about? Now canonically deep down in Buck’s subconscious Eddie is just an angry guy. A failed parent. Not his best friend. Not something more which some delusional people try to use as a reason for Eddie not being there. The only reason Eddie wasn’t there is that the showrunner hates Eddie and Buck’s relationship wether it be friendship or romance and you choose to not see that, too afraid to criticise the show instead of standing up for your presumably favourite character. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions from that.

Hello again angry anon. I just had a really great nap so decided to humour you once more.

Firstly 'A failed parent' good parents lose custody all the time. Good parents in bad situations. Losing custody is not proof of being a failed parent. There's already an example in the show of Nia, her mum hit a bad situation and a bad time with the pandemic etc. Bad shit happens to good people. And that's true to real life, it's pretty scummy to assume keeping/getting custody = good person.

Eddie isn't in the dream world 118 because he didn't have the support system that enabled him in the 'real world'

The dream was the worst case scenario. Bobby wouldn't for sure have died without Buck, Eddie didn't need solely Buck for things to go his way but as the most important people in Buck's life it makes sense that his anxiety over them and the worse case scenario being worse. But if Eddie had been in the dream, I suspect you would have complained then too so 🤷

The angry descriptor is not something I liked either actually. But I'm guessing it was a clumsy way to allude to the episode rage and the street fighting. Either way there could have been much better ways to show he was overwhelmed that's true. They could have done better with this, yea.

I'm guessing they were talking about how when Eddie did have anger issues in the episode rage etc relating to his grief re Shannon, it was Bobby that stepped in and talked to him man to man. Considering Eddie kicked a guy's nose into his brain, that is pretty angry so maybe that's what Hen is talking about. That's admittedly a pure guess but you can't say that Eddie didn't need the 118 as a family to help him through his grief and rage-

Ahhh, the showrunner- every passive aggressive anon I've seen a friend get today is obsessed about the showrunner. I don't read her interviews since the first one she did that upset everyone. And before that I didn't really read any interviews with showrunners aside from tidbits that came across my dash so you do you but I'm not gonna stress about that. It's outta my power who the showrunner is, shows I've loved and characters I've loved have been done dirty before too. I can just hope not this time. Yelling on tumblr about it won't change her day so, for the most part I do my best to pay her no mind either.

Oh, Ryan Guzman has stipulation in his contract to work reduced hours on I believe two episodes a season and by the amount he was in I'd guess this was one. Perhaps that means next week in an episode dealing with PTS like he has too, he'll be way more prevalent. I really hope so but I'm also prepared to be disappointed. Is it ideal that this episode may have been the reduced episode? Depends on who you ask I guess. I can predict your answer.

I do actually criticize the show a lot when I think it's warranted, which tells me again you have no clue who I am and just want to yell on anon at people.

And you know what I do when I'm disappointed with a show? Well, I sure as shit don't go yelling at people on anon that's for sure.

One piece of advice for you: when a TV show stops being a source of joy or even mild entertainment for you, maybe stop watching.

Go play with a kitten, I am right now. It's super fun.

[vaspider]

'only tenet of TERFism is transmisogyny' EXCUSE ME NO ITS ALL TRANS PEOPLE. They don't want any trans person to exist. What the hell.

Some people just gotta center their own suffering always, even when they're hurting other people by doing so. I've seen this a lot in younger queer folx of all stripes, this need to be the one that hurts the most, you know?

There's a reason the phrase Oppression Olympics exists, and it's because it's a common behavior or phenomenon in oppressed communities. I see it in the disability community, too.

What I think is important to understand when we talk about how trans people suffer under transphobia is that different groups are targeted differently. I'm not the first person to say this, of course.

Now, like, this is very rough sketchy stuff, and each person's individual experiences will vary, but in my general experience, the rough breakdown of the way in which transphobia lands on trans people kind of breaks down like this:

Binary trans women tend to suffer under a lens of hypervisibility. Everything they do is seen, analyzed, and torn apart. Their struggles are generally the ones centered in the arguments of allies, "allies," and transphobes. Even when trans women are the focus of helpful attention, that hypervisibility can cause exhaustion, because they need to perform perform perform, and be perfect, all the time. It's hard for trans women to just be without feeling like they're on camera, all the time. A lot of the time, they are on camera, because trans women's bodily autonomy and right to privacy are just never respected by transphobes (and often by supposed "allies" who feel free to ask the most invasive questions and get upset when trans women won't answer them), and even if they're not literally on camera, they're supposed to perform as the best examples of transfemininity, because if they don't, then they become the next 'look at this bad trans, all trans are this bad trans' example that TERFs point at and use as a broad brush to paint all trans women. If they're not perfect all the time and have a day where they snap at someone while someone is recording, or make a mistake, or anything, it has a horrible tendency to go viral. You can think of at least three instances right now off the top of your head, right? Right.

Binary trans men tend to suffer from hyperinvisibility. This comes from inside and outside the community -- a lot of trans men talk about being told they can't lead in community because they've 'got male privilege,' that their struggles are discarded, that they're talked over and unable to discuss the things they face, which means they don't get the support they need. Now, there are TERFs and transphobes who absolutely do focus their attention on trans men to the exclusion of or to the deprioritization of the oppression of trans women -- that's where we get Tavistock and Irreversible Damage and Fourth Wave Now and all the other bullshit which focuses on the idea that trans men are "transing the gay away," specifically "transing our butch lesbians" and "stealing butches." But again, generally speaking, trans men face harmful levels of invisibility where trans women face harmful levels of visibility. That's why transmascs in general have issues like lack of understanding even by supposedly trans-competent doctors as to how HRT affects our bodies, why trans men (and transmascs in general) report things like transphobes attacking them with transmisogynistic comments and assuming that every trans person online is a trans woman, etc.

Non-binary (here used as an umbrella term for all identities outside of binary man/woman, to include agender, genderfluid, non-binary, and infinite other identities) AFAB people tend to suffer from a different, very specific form of hypervisibility, unless they start to appear too masculine, and then they slip into hyperinvisibility. This is where we get things like "women and non-binary people" that codes all non-binary people as "AFAB people I can sort of squint and view as women," and people who fall into this category tend to get a lot of attention, a lot of derision from all sides of the spectrum. This is the "blue-haired tenderqueer" sneering that we get from both within and without the queer community, where there's an assumption that these people are just cosplaying an identity, that they're not really trans, etc. Having been in the visibility category and slipped into the invisibility category within the last, oh, year or so, and having two binary trans women in my family to compare notes with, the experiences are unnervingly similar. The difference between the experience that those women have had and the experience that I have had is that according to transphobes, I'm a traitor to my womanhood and performing femininity wrong and taking on a fake identity to escape female oppression because I'm not strong enough to bear up under it, but too cowardly to become a trans man, or... something, whereas they're taking on a fake identity to sneak into women's spaces because they're perverts.

Non-binary (umbrella identity etc) AMAB people tend to suffer from their own very specific form of hyperinvisibility, unless they start to present "too feminine", and then they slip into the hypervisibility which affects binary trans women, but with a little different fuckery in which everyone just assumes they're a trans woman, and therefore they get misgendered by everyone across the spectrum of queer/non-queer/etc. Non-binary AMAB people are generally treated like they don't exist, and when they are spoken about, are often discussed in the context of 'they should just admit they're trans women or gay men,' or if they present 'too feminine,' are subjected to the same sort of horrific attention that trans women get.

Again, a lot of this is very simplistic, and doesn't add in a lot of other complicating factors like race, disability, class, etc. Trans men of color, for example, can run into a different sort of hypervisibility because as they move further through their transition, they begin to be seen in the world as a man of color. It's not really mine to speak on beyond that, but I don't want to neglect saying 'this is really really simplistic and there's more to it than that' over and over.

I really hate breaking it down this simply because it feels like creating another binary (our society does like a binary!) for non-binary people, but like, I can't really talk about my shared experiences with other trans people without putting some framework around it. Someday, I'll be able to do that without categories. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I think we do our entire community a huge disservice when we talk about transphobia as if it's a single snake trying to take bites out of only one part of the community, and not a many-headed hydra, able to attack us from multiple different directions. I also think that focusing on one form of oppression keeps us from forming meaningful solidary and coalitions; the more divided we are, the easier it is for the people who literally want us all to stop existing to pick us off one by one. We see this all across the queer community and it's only ramping up as the attacks on our community escalate from without; people tend to turn on the ones closest to them when they get really scared, and to blame the person standing next to them for the pain they're suffering. It's the "close enough to hit" phenomenon, and it's why we see ridiculous things like "bi women make cis men think that lesbians can be won over," rather than acknowledging that bi women aren't the ones causing that: cis men are the ones causing that. The bi women in that case are close enough to hit. Transmascs are close enough to hit. Trans women are close enough to blame for the problems of transmascs, which makes it possible for TERFs to lure transmascs in and attempt to detransition them, subjecting them to gaslighting and manipulation and then using them as sock puppets.

TERFs do focus a lot on transmisogyny. They focus a lot on transmisandry, too. Debating which one is more prevalent and 'worse' not only misses the point, because transmascs and transfems face very different and totally rotten attention from cis society as a whole, including cis queers. We need to like, not do that anymore: we need to give each other the space to talk about our unique circumstances, but we also need to work harder on looking at each other through a lens of solidarity and trying to see that our struggles are different but not unrelated, and that if we keep downing on each other like this, we're not going to get anywhere except in a much more difficult situation as the people who don't want any of us to exist keep picking us off.

[charthanry]

BBS: My Favorite Pat Moments

This is my follow up/companion piece to My Favorite Pran Moments, please check that out if you missed it. Small request: I don’t mind if you screenshare this post to other sites, but please source/link back to my tumblr and do give me a heads up, I love reading all the comments! Thank you. Now onto our clingy engineer/ loveable puppy.

Everyone wants and needs a Pat in their life. Someone who goes full throttle, balls to wall in their quest to help you. Someone who challenges you every step of the way. Someone who’s zest and optimism for life is contagious. Who is annoyingly charming yet so earnest in his efforts that you can’t help but smile through your irritation. Pat is a loud, walking chaotic ball of energy, but his heart is always well-meaning and his intentions are never misplaced. There is an innocence to Pat that is pure and honest, where he constantly seeks out that silver lining even when there is none. Someone who stands confidently in his convictions but is the first to apologize when he’s wrong. Someone who loves HARD, forgives easily, and consistently says what he means and means what he says, never faltering. So, is it any wonder that Pran fell as hard as he did? Who would be immune to any of that? Especially when its packaged in all of THIS:

Here are my favorite Pat moments from the series. It would be impossible to ask me to put these in any sort of ranking order because I truly love them ALL, so like Pran’s moments, I will list them chronologically as they appeared on screen.

**Fair warning: there is a small section of slightly NSFW content buried under the cut. Nothing too crazy but just thought you should know in case that’s something you’re not comfortable reading. It will be clearly marked for those that want to skip.

EP3 - He kept the guitar! FOR YEARS!

All moments leading up to this reveal could possibly be explained away as Pat just being Pat, unconsciously flirtatious in both words and action. I’ll even forgive his physical affection towards Pran as Pat being a very tactile person and because Pran keeps his distance, Pat has to put forth that much more effort with the chin boops and head ruffles to pry a reaction out of him. BUT when Pat pulls out the guitar from its hiding spot, all bets are off. He knows how much this guitar means to Pran and kept it for him for YEARS, inside its case that has Pran’s name clearly marked on it. How many times throughout the years did Pat pull it out to look, touch and think about Pran? What must have crossed through his mind? Imagine all the times Pat did well on an exam or in a sports match and looked around for that very specific person to rub their noses in his victory, only to see no one smirking back and thinking Oh, I forgot. He’s not here anymore. The palpable sadness in winning a meaningless victory when there’s no one to brag about it to. He might as well have lost. He comes home and pulls out the guitar, the only remaining part of Pran he has, to curb that feeling of loneliness. Can you just imagine? 

Not only that, but to hide it from his parents FOR THREE YEARS!! and then to BRING IT WITH HIM to uni- an entirely new environment that doesn’t have any Pran memories to trigger him. Why Pat? Did you think you would be lonely without Pran there as well? Mr. Popular and President of His Faculty, lonely? Pat's situation is that classic example of being surrounded by hordes of people but still feeling exquisitely and breathlessly alone because it's never the right person beside him. Pat, were you ready to condemn yourself to a life of missing Pran or did you want the guitar close by whenever the depression hit? You know he sniffed the hell out of that case, too. You know he did. Then, imagine how Pat felt returning the guitar to its owner. What went through his mind as he handed over such a symbolic piece of his life that got him through the Pran-less years? Can you now understand his reaction to finding out that Pran left the guitar with Wai in EP7? Pat must feel like the guitar is half his by now. They say it’s usually harder for the person left behind and I think in Pat’s case, depressingly lonely might have been an understatement.

EP5 - Pat’s 4-step realization.

Pat’s beautiful ephiphany in the music store was simply everything. I want to curl up and live inside this scene. So much. I love that we got to see the moment Pat realized his reactions to Pran being near was something more, how unsetted he must have felt, the clear confusion on his face as he replays Pa’s words. And Ohm conveys all of this so damn well. Pat who faces everything head on has to quickly leave, get away to get his thoughts in order and calm his clamoring heart. He’s certain that Pran can hear how fast it’s beating. I love that we didn’t spend more than one episode on Pat fully realizing his feelings for Pran, because it shouldn’t have come as a shock to him whatsoever, it was always there beneath the surface. His moment of clarity should consist of huh, well damn that makes a whole lot of fucking sense now. Wish somebody would have told me sooner. Yeah Pat, us too.

EP5 - Apologizing to Ink for his non-confession.

Pat going through with his confession to Ink speaks to what we already know about him- that despite his confused feelings for Pran, once he sets his mind to do something he will follow through. So he tells Ink that he thinks he might like her more than just a friend, but his delivery of this is suspect and Ink can tell. He’s not worried about Ink’s reaction or if Ink even reciprocates, he’s more worried about what this means for himself and Pran. He’s getting this one last thing off his chest before he can move on and Ink confirms as much when she says you look more relieved than worried about being heartbroken and she’s right, he does. But what I love the most is that Pat immediately APOLOGIZES for involving Ink in his own personal shitstorm. He recognizes that he’s being unfair to Ink and a crappy friend and apologizes to her right away. Even in the midst of his own turmoil, he doesn’t sit on it, doesn’t wait to say sorry the next day, or even over a text. He does it immediately and in person. Because he wants Ink to know that he means it and that he values her friendship. Seriously, can we all have friends like Pat?

EP5 - Why can’t I? Do you care about him that much?!

I’m not usually one for displays of jealously as a form of showing you care, but this scene was so layered and complicated that it was just NECESSARY. And to be honest it was less about showing he cares but more about reaching a limit and not being able to take it anymore. Let’s recap what’s happened with Pat so far leading up to this. He learns that Pran’s mom loves Wai and that Wai comes over to their house regularly for dinner, that Wai has slept in the very spot in Pran’s room that Pat has slept, he watches as Pran plays their song with Wai, sees Pran turn to look at Wai during the guitar solo the way Pran used to look at him, sees them celebrating at the bar where he is obviously made to feel unwelcomed, and then as he sits and waits for Pran to come home while trying to sober himself up, he sees Pran rolling up on the back of Wai’s motorcycle. BUT EVEN THEN, Pat reins it in and doesn’t spare Wai a glance, only asks for Pran to come to him. I love when Wai starts flexing and acts all faux-menacing towards Pat, Pat just gives him this singular LOOK that says you don’t want any of this, not tonight, so step your ass on back. (Wai, you should listen before you get your ass beat but also I want to see Wai’s ass handed to him? Like badly? Huh, torn.) 

BUT Pran unintentionally makes things worst by poking at Pat’s sore spot with his What the hell do you want? Is it so hard to accept defeat? all because stupid Wai is there watching and won’t go away. So Pran gets handsy thinking he can halt whatever it is Pat is doing but EVEN THEN Pat keeps his hands to himself and doesn’t touch Pran and just let’s Pran push him again and again. He finally loses some control and grabs onto Pran saying Why can’t I say it? Am I not important to you? Don’t I matter? and then Wai goes and involves himself (as Wai so often does, sigh, it’s not even about you Wai, just go away) and fists end up swinging. This was probably the most tense and uncomfortable scene of the series and all three actors played their parts so well but Ohm especially. We felt why Pat was feeling this way and understood that Wai was the embodiment of everything Pat couldn’t have with Pran. And Ohm DELIVERED, oh man did he deliver. We watch as Pran leaves confused and disappointed and Pat steadies himself, instantly regretful as he pulls out the condensed milk, all of his well-meaning intentions of giving it to Pran down the drain. Oh, Pat.

EP5 - No. (I don’t want to be just your friend).

After he’s calmed down, Pat immediately seeks out Pran to make things right because he’s not one to leave things unsaid. He reveals to Pran how depressingly lonely it was for him when he wasn’t around and asks him that all important question, what are we if not enemies and not friends? only for Pran to throw it right back at him why? do you want to be friends with me? And because Pat is Pat and never backs away from confronting himself, even in the difficult moments, answers very emphatically no (I don’t want to be your friend). And proceeds to show him what he really wants by kissing him. He then pulls back to gauge Pran’s reaction and is unmoored when Pran pulls him back in for a deeper kiss. THEN all the pieces fall into place for Pat, he gives into it and runs his hands all over Pran’s hair and face, pulling him closer and we know that this feels right for Pat- that he finally, finally has a name to call all these feelings wrecking havoc inside him. That what he feels isn’t one-sided. Pat is ecstatic. But then he looks at Pran whose face is showing the opposite of ecstatic and Pat’s high deflates. Pran bolts and Pat is left reeling and disoriented.

EP6 - Avoiding eye contact means you lose. Talk to me.

For any critics out there who say OhmNanon lack heat in BBS, I present to them this scene and ask them to please adjust their bifocals. This scene was so incredibly charged and with every rewatch, my brain combusts a little bit more each time. Not only is it believable that they’re both physically into each other but there’s an underlying emotional intensity too. Because c’mon emotional yearning is super HOT. When Pat steps into the space between Pran’s feet and pushes his momentum forward, I hid behind my hands and watched through the slits of my fingers. I blushed so hard. Besides the mutual attraction, there’s a tenderness here too which we see when Pat cradles the back of Pran’s head to brace his fall. This makes it entirely believable that while they engage in rough kinky sex because that’s totally Pran’s jam (and Pat is game for anything), there’s a lot of tender cuddling afterwards too. It’s along the same lines of Pran calling Pat “Hey, Asshole!” but if anyone else calls him that they’d get major Parakul stank eye. Or I’m the only one who can hit him said by one Mr. Napat. But back to this scene- Pat is trying to literally get on the same page as Pran. And can we blame him? All he knows is they kissed, Pran cried, bolted, and now won’t talk to him. And since Pat knows (oh, he’s gotta know) that Pran isn’t immune to Pat’s proximity, get close to him he will.

EP6 - Thank you for saving Pa.

Their entire conversation on the beach was so renewing and much needed. It was their rite of passage, this conversation needed to happen before they could move forward. They say people come to the beach for healing and this is so true for Pat and Pran. They talk and learn that hatred never really existed between them. Pran confesses that he was angry with Pat (and his mom) for his transfer and sweet Pat immediately apologizes for his part in it. But Pran responds that it was just anger, never hatred. Pat then thanks Pran for saving Pa all those years ago and it’s probably more for himself than for Pran to hear, but he says it all the same because he wants Pran to know that he is grateful- that despite their rivalry as kids, Pran still found it in himself to dive in and save his sister. And Pat never properly thanked him for that so he’s doing it now. He hopes it’s not too late. And judging by Pran’s response it’s right on time.

EP6 - If you don’t say it, how will I figure it out? How can I possibly understand you?

The entirety of EP6 was Pat trying valiantly to figure out what’s going on in Pran’s head. He doesn’t try to guess, doesn’t want to assume, he just wants to understand Pran. He knows Pran is trying to put a stop to whatever is growing between them, but he doesn’t understand why. So he’s forthright and asks Pran directly, talk to me, I’m here, tell me what’s running through your mind, let’s work this out together. Then our smart boy Pat tells Pran he doesn’t think he likes Ink in that way. This of course piques Pran’s interest who tries to ask nonchalantly- well, in what way do you like her then? And thus their ridiculous bet is born. Sigh, Pran you could have saved us all (and yourself) a whole lot of time if you’d just talk to Pat in the first place. But I also understand Pran being reticent; he’s repressed these feelings for so long and he doesn’t entirely trust Pat to not trample his fragile heart, intentional or not. We get it, Pran. But Pran, we don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this boy also followed you all the way from Bangkok to an island where he knows no one but you, where he’s surrounded by people who not only despise him, but also question his very presence, just to set things right with you. Because he couldn’t take another minute of not knowing where he stood with you. What do you make of that, Mr. Parakul?

EP7 - You asked if I still wanted us to be friends. What if my answer was no? 

Their entire bet was to get one of them to answer no to this question. Pat finally does here, but then volleys the ball back in Pran’s court. He’s saying I’m here and I’m ready whenever you are, no pressure because I can wait; I’m not going anywhere. For Pat to display such tremendous amount of patience here confirms what we already know about how much he wants this, wants Pran, because his personality is the opposite of sitting and waiting for something to happen, he’s usually the first one out there making shit happen. But he waits for Pran to be ready on his own terms and that is just the most precious thing. I also love that Pat’s confession here is said within the confines of the play’s dialogue; their own secret conversation out in the open for all to hear but only for two people to understand. 

EP7 - If my victory puts my boyfriend in trouble, I'd rather lose. 

As for me, I always let my lover win. This might be the most quoted line of the series and deservedly so. The most competitive boy who ever lived meets his demise at the hands of love, it’s fitting really. But what a way to go down, right? Even here as he tells Pran that he would always yield to his boyfriend, he still doesn’t assume that Pran is his just yet, but is confident that one day he will be. This makes it all that much sweeter when Pran confirms Pat’s confidence by feeding him his much-touted special curry. The look of surprise that Pat gives him is just so pure and heartfelt. Without words, Pat’s eyes say really, you mean it? No take-backsies now and Pran responds by wiping the corner of his mouth yes, you idiot and simply stares at Pat to his heart’s content all pretenses gone. And that’s game set match, folks.

EP8 - (I’m not used to it yet, can you give me some time to adjust?) 

As confident as Pat is in everything he does, his one insecurity is Pran. And it’s really understandable, his relationship with Pran is one that was hard won. So when Pran asks for time to adjust to their new status, Pat’s face falls but he also easily gives in because one, he always yields where Pran is concerned and two, he doesn’t want to scare Pran with his eagerness. He just wants to be close to him, to hold his hand as they walk down their hallway. It’s the small things. But not five seconds later, Pran completely pulls one on Pat and says I’m done adjusting and holds out his hand and it’s like Christmas morning for Pat. And I love this moment so much for the both of them. Pat: Why play so hard to get then? Pran: Do you want to hold my hand or not? Pat: Yessir, I do, very much. And the entire fandom collectively squees over the cuteness that is our soft boys.

EP9 - I can say I’m the heartbroken one. I can do that for you.

Pat knows how important Wai is to Pran and never one to put Pran in a tight spot, he offers to post that they’ve (fake) broken up and that he’s the heartbroken one all so that Pran can earn back his (unworthy) friends. I love Pat so much for offering to do this even giving Pran an encouraging smile as he says it. We’ve established that Pat hates being Pran’s dark secret, but he’s willing to go back to that if it will help Pran out. Pat, you are just unreal, truly. Pran agrees with us because he doesn’t even entertain Pat’s offer but instead gives him a considering look as he pulls Pat’s hand away from his phone. He then places his hand over Pat’s on the bench and grips tightly saying Thank you for being you. But I’m good where I’m at. And Pat, surprised, grips back in response with You’re welcome and Glad to hear it, so am I. Then he comments that the milk tea tastes particularly sweet today. These boys and their nonverbal conversations.

EP9 - Let me have another sniff.

This might seem like a throwaway scene but I think it says a lot about their relationship dynamic. This is the first time they’re out in public as boyfriends. Pat knows Pran is upset that Wai is still angry with him and rather than go rushing off to kick Wai’s ass (I totally would!) Pat holds himself back because he knows that would only upset Pran more. Yet another example of how P’Aof subverts macho-masculine pseudo-heroism in BBS that’s riddled everywhere else in BL. Because we all know that Pat can very well hand Wai’s ass to him (do eeeeet, Pat! I want to see it!), he doesn’t. Instead, he distracts, teases and pokes a smile out of Pran. It’s exasperating for Pran, we can tell, but we also know that this is exactly what he needs from Pat, not to go all in with guns-blazing and solve his problems for him (though we know Pat very badly wants to. See his do you want me to talk to him? in the above scene where they’re both outcasts and eating lunch on the picnic benches). Instead Pat sits back, lets Pran handle his business but makes sure Pran knows he’s there and available with an assist should he need him. Pat is truly the best boy. So emotionally intelligent depsite this probably being his first real relationship.

EP10 - The day you resigned, I ran after you with your guitar.

This is one of my most favorite scenes from Pran so it’s only fitting that as the other half of the conversation, this makes it onto Pat’s list as well. Pat confesses to having ran after Pran with his guitar on the day he got transferred, what isn’t said but inferred here is that when Pat couldn’t catch up to Pran, he took it upon himself to hang onto his guitar for safekeeping. He designated himself as the keeper of the one thing that is so precious to Pran. Is this not foreshadowing? The guitar and watch are both stand-ins for Pran’s feelings for Pat, and for Pat to go and safeguard the very thing Pran loves the most? Isn’t he just then safeguarding himself and waiting for Pran’s return to give the guitar (and himself) back to him? Is this not just the most thoughtful thing in the entirety of all things ever? And then to find out he’s held onto it all this time not knowing if or when he’d ever see Pran again? Just patiently waiting to give it back to Pran someday. Pat, you win all the awards for best boy ever, hands down.

EP10 - You can like whoever you want. If I can fall for the son of the family next door, you can fall for anyone in this world.

I absolutely love that BBS wasn’t about coming to terms with one’s sexuality that there was no coming out dramatics that are so common in the BL genre. Pat realizes he likes Pran, because of all the reasons that make Pran, Pran- regardless if he’s man, woman or alien, blue, red or purple, he just likes him and there was no struggle coming to terms with that. So the only true coming out conversation in the series was this one and it was treated so well and with such care. I love that it happens between our favorite siblings. Pa gives Pat a hard time but we know that love runs deep between them. She really cares what her older brother thinks and it goes both ways because we see Pat coming to her as his voice of reason throughout the series. She’s nervous for his reaction and for Pat to not only be supportive but to tease her is the best thing ever. He’s surprised but takes the news in stride, comforts her and shows her that nothing has changed. Her choice to love is just that, her choice. Bravo, Pat!

EP10 - We're boyfriends! Hear that?!

Pat, say it louder for the people in the back. I wish this didn’t have to happen in front of the damn supermarket and all the gawking strangers but it is what it is. Pat tells his father that he and Pran are boyfriends. Ming predictably doesn’t take it well. Pat stands his ground, but you can tell that he is both fearful of the consequences for himself and Pran but also relieved that it’s no longer a secret. I always knew that the first of the boys to make this declaration to either sets of parents was going to be Pat, not because he’s tougher or more vocal but only because he’s the kind of person who wants things out in the open regardless of how uncomfortable it makes everyone feel. Once things are out and open then let’s deal with the punches as they come is probably Pat’s life motto. And in a way you have to admire that. So he repeats himself and yells at his dad, did you hear me? I said we’re boyfriends! He’s almost taunting Ming at this point, what do you have to say about that!? And I’m here like damnnnn Pat but also like way to go? Because he’s right, things can only get better if you deal with them head on rather than live life constantly in fear of the other shoe dropping.

EP10 - I had to hate Pran, compete against him... because of you?

This scene hurts. A LOT. Your heros are the ones most capable of letting you down and when they do, it hurts a hundred, thousand times over. You can see in Pat’s eyes his disappointment in his dad but also the heartbreak for himself and Pran over all the years lost- where things could have been so very different between them. And Ohm conveys both these feelings so, so well. There are countless ways this scene could have been over the top and overdone but Ohm delivers such an emotional and impactful performance here. His teary eyes that are threatening to overtake him, his unsteady voice as he asks his dad, not in a confrontational way but in a small, please don’t tell me this was because of you kind of way. He reverts back to being a tiny boy standing in front of his giant of a father pleading with him to tell him that it isn’t true. All said, this might’ve been my favorite crying scene of Ohm’s of the entire series. Just because it was so understated and heartwrenchingly honest.

EP10/11 - Let's get away from here. Just get some sleep.

I combined these two scenes because one leads into the other. Pat silently crying as Pran breaks down is everything to me. I’ve talked ad nauseam about this scene in my ranking of all 12 BBS episode endings (spoiler: I ranked this scene 2nd overall if that tells you anything about how much it spoke to me) so I’m not going to repeat all of that here. But I’ll just say that I absolutely love the quiet strength that Pat shows by letting his tears silently fall, setting aside his own devastation to focus on taking care of Pran. His priority has always been Pran and we love him for that. Also, Ohm absolutely slays here.

I think this was the moment (on the bus) that Pat knew that their escape was only temporary that’s why he quietly cries without Pran knowing. He spends the entirety of EP11 in denial that they could make it on their own if he just put forth that extra effort, he could will it so for the both of them- that they didn’t need anyone else but each other. But I honestly think he already knew long before their conversation that it would be difficult, he just refused to accept it. He’s not entirely right or wrong here. He just didn’t realize how much Pran needs his mom too. It must have come as a blow to Pat to think that he’s not enough for Pran. But Pat being ready to throw it all away to be with Pran was impulsive and he recognizes this while on the beach. Pran is not impulsive, he’s very much the opposite of that, and Pat knows it would be wrong to put Pran in the situation of having to choose between Pat and his family so he removes the choice for him by telling him let’s go home. And honestly Pat giving into Pran yet again is just so heartbreaking.

EP11 - The look of complete adoration where words are unnecessary. 

(*NSFW content below*)

Pat’s look of complete adoration here leads me to believe that they totally have scorching eye contact during sex. There’s no other way to interpret this look. This is the kind of look where you just know that the person on the receiving end has to feel incredibly cherished and loved. That ultimate feeling of being at the center of someone’s universe. We’ve seen Pran with this look on his face many times throughout the series (even before they were even officially together!). I just love that we finally get to see it on Pat too. He definitely wears it well. He’s got stars in his eyes and looks at Pran as if he could see all the answers to the world’s questions in him. But yeah, totally the eye contact during sex thing. 

Picture it, Pat’s muscular arms on either side of Pran’s head, hands cradling his face as he stares deep into his eyes with each thrust of his hips, unblinking because he doesn’t want to miss a moment of Pran’s reaction as he buries himself in him. Pran overcome with emotion has tears in his eyes, legs wrapped tightly around Pat, hands pulling his neck as close as possible as Pat moves inside him again and again. There are no words exchanged between them, they’re unnecessary, but as Pat continues thrusting inside Pran, they share this look of intense understanding for one another. Pat with his fierce gaze and Pran, eyes full and soft and staring in return, an entire conversation passes between them without words. They both know that the answer to Pat’s unspoken question is a resounding yes. A shared look that says yes, I love you, you have all of me, I’m yours. And Pat’s unspoken response you have all of me, baby I love you so much, I’ve always been yours. And because we know Pat is a giant baby, he probably cries when he comes and Pran who normally would never let him live it down, instead stares lovingly at him and leans up to kiss his forehead and wipes at his tears not realizing that his own cheeks are also wet. (You got all that just from this look? Well, yeah, didn’t you? Am I the only one that has PatPran intense sex with eye contact headcanon?)

EP11 - You already had me at the seaweed snack.

This is Pat’s reaction to Pran saying I can be anywhere as long as I have you. And Pat needs to hear that. I think this gives Pat the decisive push he needs to finally accept that Pran will stay by his side no matter what and it doesn’t matter if it’s here on their little stretch of paradise away from home or actually being at home. This is Pat’s confirmation that Pran is ready to face anything so long as they do it together. And how much do I love that Pat’s poutiness lasts all but five minutes? How his it’s not easy to make up with me is all bravado. It really doesn’t take much to make Pat happy, does it? He’s like a puppy. Next time try scratching behind his ear, Pran. That would probably work just as well as snack bribery.

EP11 - Thank you for trying to make a silly guy like me happy.

We’ve always known Pat as Mr. Communicator but give the boy all the prizes for starting this difficult but necessary conversation. I touched a little bit on this with the bus scene, but this entire conversation is Pat thanking Pran for staying by his side as he worked through his acceptance of going home and facing the fallout awaiting them. Pat’s gratitude that Pran never left him, that he gave him the time and space to end their honeymoon bubble on his terms reaffirms that Pran’s decision to be patient and present for him was the correct move. Pat doesn’t want to leave, not really, but he doesn’t want Pran to be without his mom either so Pat shoulders the brunt of their tough situation and says let’s go home. For Pat to once again place Pran’s needs above his own is simply...everything. The uncertainty of the road ahead is scary but the knowledge that they would be facing it together is what tethers Pat in place, feet firmly planted on the ground ready to face whatever comes next.

EP12 - Just before the forehead kiss.

More than the actual forehead kiss is the way that Pat gazes at Pran right before this, that look of complete and utter adoration, the look that says I can look at his face for the rest of my life and never want or need for anything else. The feeling of total contentment and having his entire life wrapped in the joy of watching someone else playing the music they love and smiling adoringly back at him. Our boys did it. They entrusted their love to each other, never veered off course, never gave in to all the obstacles stacked against them and now they are free, at last. Being with you...already feels like freedom. Go live your life boys, go live out your freedom LOUDLY as it was so hard won and so richly deserved.

):):):):):):):)

Thank you as always for reading. Writing is such a solitary endeavor, I write mostly for myself because even though BBS is over, there’s still so much left to dissect and parse through and that’s a testament to P’Aof, the writers, and OhmNanon. I came to tumblr to shout with you all about all things BBS, fully intended to be more of a lurker than poster, so it’s more than a little nerve-wracking to post such loooooong reads and not worry about how any of you will take it. So thank you so much for the overwhelming response to my previous post on my favorite Pran moments. I cherish every like, comment and reblog.

To think that my rambly thoughts have connected with so many of you leaves me awestruck, truly. The words only come easy because P’Aof and co. left us a roadmap to follow. It’s just me in front of my computer crying over two soft boys who just want to freely love each other. Their love pitted against all odds resonates with me as I’m sure it does for you as well. So please know that I’m sitting in my little corner of the world, smiling and completely in awe of you all. Thank you so much.

I wanted to give a special shout out to @yourmeiamyou​ who took time out of their day to send me the sweetest, loveliest message and also let me know that my post on My Favorite Pran Moments was screenshared on twitter! To say I was shocked and deeply flattered is an understatement. Also, to @inhumanevoid​ for finding me from an instagram post! Your message totally brightened my day, thank you for the lovely words and for taking the time to share them with me. Everyone- feel free to shoot me a message anytime, you know I can talk BBS at length!😊

[marvelandimagine]

I think some people mad about the arm is not necessarily about the fact that Ayo disabling the arm itself, it's more of the fact that it was not necessary and the fact that Bucky had no idea they can do that. If I were to be honest, I think it was not that necessary because Ayo is well capable of taking him down without having to disarm him and she is definitely not threatened by him. I think what some people find upsetting about that scene is the fact that it kinda comes off as Ayo putting Bucky in a position where it would make him feel like he doesn't have full control of his own body after all. The Wakandans, especially Ayo, T'Challa and Shuri had every right to feel betrayed and upset but the point is they should have told Bucky about how the arm can easily be disabled like that, they didn't know Bucky was going to set Zemo free when they gave him the arm and regardless of the things they have done for him and if they were ones who gave him the arm, they should have at least told him about it, because it's connected to him, it's a part of HIS body. It doesn't matter if it was necessary to disarm him or not, the point is they should have told him about it because apart from the fact that it's his body and that it was a bit insensitive given his history, it's also a point of vulnerability, and the fact that she did it in front of Walker (and possibly Zemo) --- people who can easily turn on Bucky, could easily that to their advantage and attempt to disable it themselves. Just my thoughts on it.

Thank you for sharing your perspective, anon!

I’m going to use this long-ass reply to address this stuff with Ayo and also voice some thoughts I’ve had over the past few weeks seeing people paint Bucky into being this complete soft and harmless human that needs 25-7 protection which I don’t jive with — and this is me, a complete Bucky stan.

Many moons ago, I saw a post that compared 1940s Bucky moving with stealth and a loaded gun on the train to the Winter Soldier doing the same thing, essentially discussing the similarities and debating how much of non-brainwashed Bucky was in the Soldier. And I think the fandom forgets or chooses to neglect the following when painting him as this fragile, peace-loving guy:

Bucky was an incredibly skilled sniper in the United States Army. His job is to eliminate threats in the most efficient way possible, and he’s good at it. HYDRA gets their hands on him and + the serum, this gets magnified. It wasn’t like HYDRA turned him into someone with the ability and mental capacity to kill — that was already there. The brainwashing and torture just carved out the rest of him to leave those honed skills and an amplified ruthlessness with no moral issues, no sense of self to contend with. That ruthlessness is part of Bucky, whether people like it or not.

When Bucky is outside of HYDRA for the first time and hiding in Civil War and gets attacked, he’s so brutal in his actions that Steve Rogers, the man who literally was ready to die to save Bucky and free him when no one else believed in the good in him, intervenes because “Buck, you’re going to kill someone.” Bucky responds that he’s not going to kill anyone, but the fact remains: with or without HYDRA control, Bucky has a strong capacity for violence that hovers on brutality — again, what’s the most efficient way to eliminate or neutralize a threat? Like, I don’t want to kill you, but I’ll knock your ass out with cinder blocks to the chest.

Bucky has a good heart, he’s loyal, he’s smart, he’s caring, he’s the longest-standing POW in history and was turned into a slave for decades, put through unimaginable trauma and torture and horror with no escape. Bucky is also a strong and incredibly skilled super soldier who has a bionic arm, is a trained sniper, is unnervingly precise with knives, and self-describes himself as “semi-stable.” Zemo notes in the bar that “it didn’t take Bucky long to get back into form,” and he’s right because the ruthlessness and skill of the Winter Soldier is a part of him and always has been. We see it when he has his hand around Zemo’s neck and tells him he will kill him, when he rips the glass from his hand and throws it across the room.

And I’m sure the Wakandans know all this about Bucky, this light and his ability for hard-to-stop violence, whether from talking to Steve and Bucky or doing their own homework. And they still choose to help him out of the goodness of their hearts because he’s been put through hell and they believe they have the capacity to help him and it’s the right thing to do — they’re betting more on those positive attributes. And they put a failsafe on his arm, a literal weapon, and chose not to tell him. You know why I think that shows how much they did care about him? Because they could’ve blatantly come out and said “Hey, we don’t trust you,” and hurt him outright, but they didn’t because they’re betting on the light in Bucky to outweigh the dark or any future manipulation. That it’s a worst-case scenario function they hope to never have to use — so they’re prepared if shit hits the fan, and if it doesn’t, Bucky doesn’t have to be hurt feeling like he can’t be trusted. I see no issues here, they’re just being cautious.

Now coming to Ayo, my QUEEN Ayo. From that beautiful, beautiful opening scene, we get to see her support, her reassurance, her belief that Bucky will be able to work through this, even when he doesn’t believe it himself. She watches him fight and struggle and cry, and you can feel the hope in her and how moved she is when she gets to tell him it worked, he did it — he’s free. And she says it not once, but twice. And you can hear not just the comfort, but the PRIDE and warmth in her voice directed to him, who I’m sure she’s watched throughout the whole deprogramming process and gotten to know and is happy to see him work through the pain and come out on the other side.

And then she sees that same individual make a decision in freeing Zemo that she perceives as a “fuck you” not just to her country, but to her, someone who was charged with protecting her king. She could’ve just disarmed Bucky the second they met up, but she doesn’t. She takes the time to explain her side and her feelings, her guilt and her shame, and basically implies that she feels betrayed by Bucky because Wakanda helped him and now he’s doing something that’s hurting her country. And still, she doesn’t attack or just go get Zemo. She gives Bucky the benefit of the doubt and a whole 8-hour American workday to do what he has to do because again, she believes in the best of him. And then that time limit runs up, and he chooses to get in her way.

And that’s the final straw. She’s angry, she’s guilty, she’s frustrated, and she feels betrayed hurt by someone I think she did respect and care about, someone whom she worked with and helped and supported when he was his most vulnerable. Did she “need” to disarm the arm to fight Bucky? Probably not. But is she doing it in the heat of battle and adrenaline and a whole bucket ton of emotions, including what she sees as the White Wolf blatantly disrespecting her country and her as a person and even friend and she just says fuck it, I’m done? You hurt us and me, and I’m going to hurt you back? Oh yeah. And Bucky looks shocked, not because he’s a poor fragile baby and “oh no, my arm, how could you?? my TrAumA”, but in the dual realization of “oh shit, how’d you do that?!” and “oh shit, I think I crossed a line here.” And also, I don’t think a single person in that room would be able to recreate the disabling sequence other than Ayo — it’s way too targeted and specific for someone like Walker to pick it up in the whole three seconds it took.

People need to stop reducing characters to these black and white extremes of soft and hard, of good and bad. Doing so completely devalues and ignores the REALITY of the complexity of being human, and Bucky and Ayo are both great examples of that played by stellar actors who portray that range and depth extremely well. End of the day, my thought is that the failsafe in the arm was justified and people need to stop coming for Ayo based on this ridiculous narrative that Bucky is too traumatized and sensitive and too much of a fave to ever be challenged or he’ll explode into dust. Boy deserves a life of freedom and healing and mental health support, but he’s also still a formidable opponent with the capacity for violence and skillset to kill. People are more than one thing.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!!

[lady-griffin]

Do you think caitlyn and jinx are foils or parallel to each other? I see similarities between them but I don't know if that counts as parallels or they being foils

This is such a great question and initially I wasn’t sure what my answer was, but then I started to think about it for a second, and the answer was obvious.

Yes. Absolutely yes.

Pretty much every character has some foil, parallel or at the very least a common theme shared with another character. Jinx especially.

Caitlyn and Jinx though are clearly set up to be similar, but ultimately contrasting characters. 

Their relationship with each other is largely defined and shape by their individual relationships with Vi, though. So, at first it seems without Vi there’s not much connecting these two, but even if you remove Vi, they still mirror and contrast one another.

Spoilers Below

Blue Hair

This one is obvious, but it’s still important. 

Out of all the characters we see in Arcane there are only four characters that I can recall having blue hair; these two, Caitlyn's father, and Vi and Powder's mom (I think).

Because it's so unique, their physical appearances while quite different, automatically sets the audience up to make comparisons between them.

Gunslingers

Considering how most of our main characters have weapons that are unique to them and them alone; these two being gunslingers is pretty telling.

Styles

They’re both excellent shots, and yet they have completely different styles.

Caitlyn is control, calm precision. She takes a breath to steady herself. She doesn’t waste a single bullet nor go for the kill.

Now given how her mom also knows how to handle a gun and the competition she participated in when she was younger, guns are an acceptable interest and skill for someone of Caitlyn’s status

More importantly, though, it’s clearly something Caitlyn enjoys and takes pride in.

At the end of the day, you have nothing to worry about if Caitlyn is the one protecting your back with a gun.

Jinx on the other hand is chaos embodied. She never takes a breath to steady herself, in fact she’s usually breathless after one of her rampages.

Jinx is just a hail of bullets. She’s an excellent shot, don’t get me wrong, but Jinx’s method is more if I shoot a thousand bullets, I’ll hit my target eventually. This is especially true with her gatling gun.

There is also something very raw and instinctual about Jinx’s style. Just in the way she moves, it feels so fluid and natural – even if it is chaotic.

In addition, because of her mental illness and that she is such a reactionary person, it’s very easy for Jinx to shoot first and then only realize what she’s done afterwards. Which is quite different from Caitlyn, who is not likely (at all) to shoot someone and realize only afterwards what she’s done.  

Also, if you’re fighting alongisde Jinx, look out for friendly fire.

Culture

While we don’t know that much about the culture of guns and Piltover, it’s not an uncommon weapon to see. Caitlyn’s parents, who are pretty strict and care greatly about appearance, let their daughter take part in a shooting competition. 

Guns are also a weapon used by the enforcers.

It seems pretty clear that not every Piltover citizen has a gun or knows how to use one; but Caitlyn isn’t exactly standing out with that being her main weapon. Even though she says she’s a misfit, and in some instances she absolutely is, her main weapon isn’t an example of that. 

Guns and the Undercity on the other hand seem to have no relationship. Jinx is really the only character we have from the Undercity (that I can recall) who uses one. Fighting in the Undercity is pretty much dominated by hand-to-hand or weapon-to-weapon combat. They’re brawlers, not shooters.

Now this could be because of where they live - it’s overcrowded, buildings on top of buildings, and it’s usually group on groups fights. So, shooting is riskier for that type of environment; as you can easily hit your own people. 

Plus, bullets and guns might be more expensive rather than other types of weapons, and probably require more maintenance. The Undercity might also just be resistant to guns, because of Piltover and how their weapons used by the Enforcers.

Even though Powder is an excellent shot, when she is quite young and presumably it’s something Vi praised her for, it’s not really held up in the same regard as Vi’s fighting skills.

Powder even says she’s not a fighter, because she can’t physically fight.

Jinx’s use of a guns marks her as a sort of “outsider” with her own culture and people; just considering her weapon alone, she’s been a misfit, since she was Powder.

Main Difference

The only weapon we see Caitlyn use is her rifle (+Jinx’s gatling gun). While presumably she can fight, since she’s an Enforcer, we never see it. Caitlyn is limited to her main weapon of choice.

Jinx on the other hand, has two different types of guns that we see her use all the time, plus her grenades and other types of bombs, and she’s an amazing fighter without the use of gun. Jinx is by no means limited by her main weapon of choice.

Why They’re  Shooting

Caitlyn is shooting to protect. 

Jinx is shooting to hurt.

Shared Traits

Both are intelligent, obsessive, tenacious, have a need to prove themselves and just a strong desire to belong. 

Their most interesting shared trait, at least for me, is that they’re both -

Uncontrollable

This is far more obvious and blatant with Jinx. One example out of many, is that Silco tells her to take some time and she instead blows up a building, kills six enforcers, and steals a gemstone.

While not in your face, Caitlyn is also someone who is not easily controlled. She doesn’t do what she's told. When Caitlyn is investigating the airship crime scene, Marcus tells us that this this is not the first time Caitlyn has interfered in an investigation that’s not her own.

Even after she’s been fired, she goes to Stillwater and breakouts a prisoner.

Jinx and Caitlyn do what they want and can’t be controlled, especially not by their parents

The Detective and the Criminal

Just from the way Caitlyn figures out what happened on the airship and putting the pieces together of the crime world of the undercity, all feels very much like a detective coming across their main criminal enemy.

Every time Caitlyn sees Jinx’s monkey signature, there’s almost a Sherlock and Moriarty vibe to it. Or Batman and the Joker. 

Parents

Daughters of Privilege

These two have a lot of privilege. Not just any kind of privilege though, both have benefited from the exploitation and abuse of the people of Zaun, as the result of them being the daughters of a Councilwoman and THE Crime Lord of the Undercity.

Caitlyn realizing just how privilege she actually is, was a big part of her growth.

And while not as necessary as it was for Caitlyn, Jinx also realizing how much she benefited over others, could be something that helps her grow, if she’s to be redeemed. 

“Helping your daughter”

Each parent is trying to help their daughter out, but because of how they view the world and what they actually do in what they say and their actions, we can clearly see that their help is not helping them in the long run.

Caitlyn’s mother tries to control her at almost every turn. Now this is control for the sake of control, but it’s also an act of protection– an unhealthy, unnecessary, and even demeaning kind of protection, but protection nonetheless

She gets Cait stationed at her tent, I mean come on. She gets Caitlyn fired, not for breaking rank, mind you, but just because she got hurt on the job. 

And even though it wasn’t the case, I do believe that Caitlyn’s mom would have paid someone to let Caitlyn win a competition.

Caitlyn has lived in such a sheltered bubble; she is far more privilege than your average citizen of Piltover. And we see how ignorant she is to the ways of the real world, but she is learning and growing. 

With Jinx, Silco protects her from pretty much everything. Every time she crosses a line, he just creates a new one for her.

She can do no wrong in Silco’s eyes. He’s always willing to defend her or because she yields impressive results (the gemstone), the pros far outweigh the cons, even if the cons are pretty bad.

Silco doing that for Jinx even though it’s out of love, is not helping her in the slightest.

Jinx has no emotional regulation and is impulsive, aggressive, and downright dangerous. She gets mad and starts shooting, only realizing what she's done afterwards.

She clearly needed someone to say no to her, to say this is wrong. And while Silco was not the right man for that job, considering what he thinks is right and wrong, he’s also the only person who had the best shot of doing that.

Their parents are keeping them from becoming proper adults. In Jinx’s case you can absolutely see that in the way she retains a certain childlike likeness. But with Caitlyn too. She wants independence from her parents and yet still lives in their house and she’s in her early twenties.

And there’s nothing wrong with living with your parents, but considering how much Caitlyn wants to make a name for herself, there clearly is a disconnect between what she wants and her actions. Kind of like how teenagers act. 

Conditional vs Unconditional love

Both of their parents care about how they are perceived and regarded by their  communities; pride is quite important to both Councilwoman Kirraman and Silco.

Every action Caitlyn takes reflects on her parents and the council; her mother tells her so. Caitlyn’s relationship with her parents (mom) felt quite conditional throughout most of the series. 

Caitlyn is not fulfilling her parents’ expectations by being an enforcer, a job beneath her station. And her mother again literally gets her assigned at her tent during Progress Day, to keep an eye on her.

There seems to be many conditions or standards Caitlyn needs to meet for her parents, more specifically their from her mother.

And that love is suffocating.

On the complete opposite side, Silco loves Jinx unconditionally. He gives her all the raw, unconditional love he never received. Even though his own people question him because of Jinx’s actions, he never loses affection for her.

Which is not bad in itself, but their relationship is very codependent and unhealthy. 

I personally love this, because rarely do we see unconditional love being portrayed as unhealthy, and it easily can be. Loving someone, no matter what they do, can be so fucked up.

Jinx kills Silco and his last words were that she was perfect.

And I just… there is something truly beautiful, heartbreaking and sweet about that. But also, so messed up.

Silco’s treatment makes sense when you think about what a cruel and evil person he can be. He goes out of his way to show Jinx love and affection, because he does in fact love her. 

Another layer to this conditional vs unconditional love is

Caitlyn’s parents seem to except unconditional love and loyalty from her. Or I guess more accurately, I doubt they ever considered the possibility that she would choose to leave them.

It’s not until she disappeared (during a very dangerous time) and returned that they changed.

Her father, who was framed as the bad guy with his unwillingness to come to Jayce’s defense in Act I, becomes this worried, affectionate dad who defends Caitlyn’s actions in Act III. While her mom remains prim and proper, she does arrange for Caitlyn to have an audience with the Council.

Something she would not have done at the start of Act II. 

In reverse, Silco has no faith in his relationship with Jinx. As soon as Vi shows up he immediately tries to get rid of her. Vi is the only person who can take Jinx away from him. The only one who Jinx would potentially choose over him.

Sevika, of all people, is the one who has to tell him that Jinx will come to him when she’s ready. To basically trust in his relationship with his daughter. 

He doesn’t. Jinx returns to him and don’t get wrong, he’s in a dangerous situation. She is pissed. But he lies and manipulates Jinx, turning her away from her sister.

He knows for a fact Vi is there for Jinx. She told him. But Silco can’t lose Jinx, so he insists that it’s the two of them against the world, because for him it is just the two of them. But this doesn’t help Jinx, it just makes her paranoia worse.

I don’t know if things would’ve changed in the end, but a part of me feels like he should’ve had more faith in his and Jinx’s bond as father and daughter.

Vi

Neither parent approved of Vi and want her away from their daughter. Silco absolutely, but Caitlyn’s mom did not look super please with Caitlyn new “friend.”

Impact on the World

This is where we truly see how different they are from start to finish.

Caitlyn Kirraman is the daughter of Councilwoman Kirraman. She is from one of the wealthiest and most influential families in Piltover. She was born an important person.

While I did describe them as both being daughters of privilege, Caitlyn’s privilege far exceeds anything Jinx could ever have. While Jinx might be on the top of the Undercity, even the lowest citizen of Piltover has more priviledge than her, and Caitlyn is on the top of the top.

While presumably the other council members have kids, she’s the only one we know about; making her THE daughter of Piltover’s elite.

And yet, Cait barely makes an impact on the world.

When Young Caitlyn wins the shooting competition, everyone is celebrating and no one seems to notice that she’s not there, except her mother. They are celebrating her win and she isn’t even there. 

When Jayce brings Cait up to Mel, she says the Kirraman girl and it’s almost a question. Maybe I just read this scene wrong, but while Mel knows who Jayce is talking about – there an element of, “who?”

Despite being the daughter of one of her colleagues, it doesn’t seem like Mel has taken any notice of her. Now that could just be Mel, but it’s a pattern with Cait. 

Caitlyn gets injured and their all these flowers; but who are they from? Possibly her friends, but it seems more likely these flowers are just from people who are paying their due diligence to the Kirraman daughter, not out of concern for Caitlyn herself.

Cait is one of the closest friends of Jayce Talis, the Man of Tomorrow. Daughter of a Councilwoman and she barely seems to matter in the larger scheme of their city, let alone the world.

In fact, only Caitlyn starts to make an impact on her city and the story itself after she encounters Jinx’s crime scene.

Caitlyn’s big arc in the story is her trying to make a name for herself. Be important. Stand on her own. And while she’s important to specific people, and to the story as a main character, she’s dwarfed by the others.

Then we have Jinx

Based on where she and Vi grew up before they were taken in by Vander; Powder was born to the lowest of the low. The dredges of the society. Now that place had gotten worse since Shimmer flooded the Undercity, but, considering how Vi talked about it – this was never a good place to grow up.

No one cares about the people who seem to live at the bottom of the trench. No one. 

Powder was born this small, itty-bitty fish in this world. Even though she was protected, she was constantly in danger. The world could have easily killed her at any time and nothing would have changed in the slightest.

Even amongst her family and friends, Powder seemed defined by her role as Vi’s baby sister and every time she tried to prove herself, that she’s also capable, she fails and needs Vi to protect her – further cementing her as almost an extension of Vi.

And yet, Jinx is the single most pivotal character of this show and not only shapes both cities, but the world around her time and time again.

Seriously, every major event in the narrative from when the story starts, is largely a result of or linked to something Jinx did.

The invention of Hextech and the Hexgates, which completely reshaped Piltover and the world was able to come into fruition because of Jayce and Victor, obviously. 100%.

BUT those two only encountered each other because of a mishap caused by Powder. She drops a gemstone and it blows up the building, setting things into motion for those two. And while Jayce and Victor’s future was largely shaped by what they chose to do after the initial spark, Powder was still that spark.

The fate of the Nation of Zaun and the peace between the two cities relies on Jinx in the most literal way possible, Silco giving her up is a part of the actual treaty.

Jinx is pivotal. 

Without trying Jinx impacts the world, but she’s not important just because the plot says so.

Jinx’s conscious choices to impact the world, actually do in fact impact the world.

Jinx chooses to go against Silco’s orders and prove herself and she successfully steals the Hextech research and the refined gemstone. She makes a big spectacle and commotion of it all, brewing up trouble for pretty much everyone.

Silco talked about how he didn’t need to defeat Piltover, he just needed to scare them. Well, Jinx scared them.

Jinx chooses to launch a rocket at the council and while we don’t see the result of it, it’s safe to say this will completely change things once more.

Again, I can’t say for sure.

But, while peace was a possibility, I wonder how successful it was actually going to be.

A lot of the pollution seems to come from Piltover, how was that going to change? How was Zaun going to thrive under Silco’s rule? Would Silco be successful in ending Shimmer?

I’m not excusing Jinx’s actions, but it seems very possible that we’ll see Jinx was “the base violence necessary for change.”

Real change.

Obviously, you need more than just chaotic violence to improve things, obviously. What others do after her will decide whether or not there will be be a better future. So Jinx, doesn’t get credit for all the potential good that can come from others, but she is this chaotic spark that one could argue is needed.

Jinx impacts this world time and time again, despite where she came from.

Finale

In a way, you could argue that when Caitlyn had the gatling gun pointed at Jinx, she is trying to be a important character, someone who impacts things.

But Jinx, with barely an effort takes her out of the situation and suddenly the fate of everyone in that room is up to Jinx, once more. 

Caitlyn was born an important person and yet she struggles to make her mark on the world. Jinx was born as less than nothing and yet shapes the world, again and again.

Vi

The most obvious connection these two have, is their competing relationships with Vi. 

But. even that isn’t everything. 

Protected by Vi

Jinx and Vi’s relationship is defined by their relationship as little sister and big sister. Vi is Powder’s protector and defender for their entire childhood and we see this continue after the timeskip. 

And the downfall of Powder and the rise of Jinx is the result of Vi being unable to protect her sister in a single moment. 

Vi lashes out at Powder in a moment of grief and anger and walks away to collect herself (she’s still trying to protect Powder) and when she sees Powder is in danger, she is kidnapped by Marcus. 

Vi wasn’t able to protect Powder and we see how this haunts her.

Vi tries to bring Powder back, but by yelling at Jinx to remember, she ends up hurting her sister, exasperating her demons. 

Vi’s role as protector is lessened significantly with her relationship with Caitlyn (something she needed), though she does protect Caitlyn from the biggest threat to her, Jinx.

Protector of Vi

As I just mentioned, Jinx and Vi’s relationship is largely defined by Vi being the protector, but Caitlyn immediately becomes the protector of Vi.

Vi is not someone who we think of needing protection, but she’s human too. She can’t just be strong all the time, she needs someone who is there for her.

Caitlyn becomes that person.

One of the first real things Caitlyn learns about Vi is that she is routinely and cruelly beat up the guards. This is shocking to Caitlyn and while she still doesn’t like Vi, we see that this changes her view of her.

Vi become more than this rude prisoner who could be useful to Caitlyn.

And Caitlyn multiple times comes to Vi’s rescue. She shoots Sevika, trades her gun to save Vi, and when she thinks the Firelights are hurting her tries to save her once more.

While Vi is mocking her, Caitlyn really is her hero.

Because of that, these two are able to become closer. 

Vi is always the big sister, the protector. So, when she doesn’t have to be that or at least that’s not the defining quality of this new relationship, she is able to become closer and more intimate with Caitlyn.

Which is something Vi clearly needed. Because of how strong Vi is and appears, you can understand why the other characters would forget that she herself needs to be protected and cared for as well.

Caitlyn is not the only protector of Vi, though.

Jinx unexpectedly becomes Vi’s protector in the end. When Silco is about to kill Vi, Jinx reacts immediately and kills him, it’s instinctual. She was just on the ground, tormented by her inner demons, but she snaps out of that fear to save her sister.

The last act of Powder. The one who was always protected by Vi, was to protect Vi from not just the villain of the story, but from HER father, her other main protector.

Jinx is finally born. She breaks because she killed Silco, she chose Vi over him and it broke her.

And while the sisters’ relationship ends with their future being completely unknown, a part of me thinks that Jinx won’t ever become a threat to Vi.

… I mean friendly fire is definitely still a possibility, but you know what I mean.

Vi’s story in Act II starts out with her wanting to save Powder from Silco and she fails. But Jinx ends her Arc in Act III, by protecting Vi from Silco (and launching a rocket at the council).

Threat to one another’s relationship

The animosity between them is largely because Sevika told Jinx that her sister had replaced her with some enforcer. The idea that her sister, the one who taught her to hate enforcers and the topsiders before Silco entered the picture, working with an enforcer is out of the question for Jinx. 

There’s no way that’s true. But it is. 

You can almost see Jinx’s mind spiraling, when she sees this enforcer with Vi. Because if that’s true, is what Sevika said about her being replaced by Caitlyn also true? Jinx’s paranoia and insecurities play into that fear.

Caitlyn is a threat to the sister bond between Jinx and Vi, but really only because Jinx sees her as a threat. Jinx literally views Cait as devil, mocking her as she takes Vi away from her. 

Jinx is making things worse for herself.

Jinx in also a threat to the budding romance between Cait and Vi. But in a different way. She shoots at them when she sees together, forcing Cait (it looks like) to push them away from each other. She wants Vi to kill Cait, to prove to her that she loves Powder more.

And, it would be very weird if there is not some drama between the two over the fact that Jinx killed Caitlyn’s mom (depending if that is what happens). 

Changing Vi

Jinx being Vi’s baby sister has clearly impacted her sister’s development and choices since she was born.

And that makes sense.

But Caitlyn also changes Vi. Prison made Vi harden and tougher, but she’s still Vi.

When Jinx is telling Vi that she also changed, the shot pans over to Caitlyn. Prison couldn’t break or change Vi’s nature, but Caitlyn did. Vi changed because of Caitlyn.

            Which, way to be super gay Vi ;) 

 --

This has gotten way to long. But yeah these two are absolutely parallels and foils to one another. 

I’m sure there’s plenty I miss, but again this is so long. 

[traekenimagines]

Hunting Season, Part Twenty: A Theo Raeken Imagine

Request from Anon: For Hunting Season part twenty. Maybe some public sex and being caught? And Theo sees it but continues. + lots of dirty talk. Ps: I love all your works, and I'm loving Hunting Season

Request from Anon: hi! for hunting season part 20 the reader begging and orgasm denial. love your work, you are so so talented

Request from Anon: heyy this is for hunting season part 20! could have daddy kink, spanking, restraints, maybe he could catch her masturbating and punishes her for it or something? ooh and lots of dirty talk hehe. i know this imagine is gonna be soooo good, ur amazing xx

Request from Anon: For hunting season part 20 maybe theo uses a toy on the reader?

Request from Anon: hi! if you still need another kink for hunting season part 20, maybe a praise kink??

Request from Anon: hi!! can i request for humiliation in hunting season part 20!! xx

Request from Anon: heyy saw it was the last day for hunting season part 20, so excited! sorry if this is really unhelpful but the only other thing i could think of to suggest is that theo calls the reader a lot of names? like pet names i guess, but if it’s going to be filthy then maybe they can be a little more degrading 😅 sorry if this doesn’t help much! xx

So it’s finally here! For anyone who doesn’t know, in celebration of reaching Part Twenty, I asked for multiple requests to come up with a pretty filthy imagine, and you guys definitely helped out so thank you! Hope this is okay for you lovelies, and enjoy x 

It was supposed to be a work dinner, nothing out of the ordinary. Meeting up with her colleagues at the end of the week, each bringing their respective partners, all of whom were behaving impeccably. Y/N’s, on the other hand, was not, and she squirmed under his touch as she felt his hand on her thigh.

Theo’s hand slid further up Y/N’s leg, under her dress, and she felt a wetness growing between her legs. She looked at him, at how he didn’t look at her, feigning interest in the conversation going on between her colleagues, using his other hand to sip from the glass of wine in front of him. That hand slid further up, and Y/N bit back a moan as he cupped her through her underwear, her heart beating rapidly.

She clutched the edge of the table as Theo pushed aside the material, swiping up her centre.

“Y/N, you okay?” One of her colleagues looked at her, no doubt seeing the tension in her face.

“Yeah, baby, is something wrong?” Theo looked at her now, pushing his finger inside of her as he spoke. Y/N glared at him, knowing that if she opened her mouth, words would be swallowed by the sounds of her moans. A small smile graced Theo’s face as he continued to pump his finger in and out of her.

She was on the edge, and couldn’t speak as she felt her release build. Questions of concern were repeated by her colleagues as Theo continued to finger her, but they faded into the background, as Theo put his hand on her shoulder. “Are you not feeling well?”

Y/N shook her head, Theo’s finger still inside of her. She finally managed to speak through gritted teeth. “Must have been something I ate.”

“You know what, guys,” Theo turned to the group, “I think I’ll just take her home.” He slid his finger out of her and Y/N watched as he wiped her wetness on his jeans. She noted the smirk on his face as he did so, fully aware of his intentions. She stood, Theo’s arm around her shoulder. “Good night, guys.”

Theo intertwined his fingers with hers as they left the restaurant, Y/N still with the overwhelming need to release. “What the hell was that?” she whispered viciously into Theo’s ear. The chimera only smirked, leading her out of the door. He still didn’t answer as he took her around to the back of the restaurant, the alleyway providing the perfect setting for his intentions.

Y/N’s anger was replaced with excitement when he slammed her against the wall, his hands on either side of her head.

“I think you know perfectly well what that was.” His nose trailed up the column of her throat, and Y/N moaned as Theo pressed his crotch against hers. “Who the fuck do you think you are, in that fucking dress, with your legs so fucking bare? Your friends in there think you’re so fucking perfect, but I bet they’d have a field day if they knew how much of a fucking, filthy slut you are. If they knew how so fucking easy it is to make you squeal like that, so fucking easy to make you come. Is that what you want, Y/N? Do you want me to make you come?” He reached under her dress and pulled apart her panties, the material soaked through.

Y/N could feel her wetness dripping down her legs as she nodded fervently. Her hands flew to Theo’s jeans, unbuttoning them as fast as she could. God, she needed him, needed him inside of her, fucking her until she couldn’t walk. She pulled his cock out of his boxers, and Theo smirked. “How much do you want this?”

“So fucking much. I want your cock in me all the time. I want it here and I want it now.” Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck, jumping and wrapping her legs around Theo’s waist. “Fuck me, Daddy. Fuck me.”

Y/N couldn’t breathe when Theo entered her, pushing her back against the wall of the alleyway. His movements were almost violent, his words obscene. “You’re such a good little slut, such a good fuck. You feel so fucking good around my cock, Y/N, so fucking good.” Y/N could only moan in response, feeling every inch of him inside of her, her head hitting the wall with every thrust.

“You know there are people watching us, Y/N.” Theo grabbed her chin, turning her head. Sure enough, down the end of the alley, a couple had stopped to look at the pair. Y/N imagined they were horrified, but she didn’t care. Not as Theo continued fucking her. “Watch them, Y/N. Watch them watch us fuck. I know you like people to know that you’re mine, that I’m the only one who gets to fuck you like this.”

Y/N did as she was told, her inner walls clenching around Theo as she came. She placed her head on his shoulder as she did so, listening to his praise as his own movements became sloppy. His cock hardened inside of her, and when Y/N climbed off him, she trailed a finger through his release that was sliding down her leg. She put it in her mouth, licking the taste of him away. Theo smirked. “I think that’s enough for now.”

As he would find out when they got home, Y/N had other plans.

Theo was in the shower, and all she could think about was how naked he was in there, how his cock would be swinging between his legs when it should have been inside her. She was dressed in one of his shirts, nothing more, waiting for him in the hope that when he saw her he would want to fuck her again. But the thought of him in there made the waiting harder, and she couldn’t help it when her fingers wandered to her core.

Her teeth bit down on her bottom lip as she began to pleasure herself, imagining that Theo was on top of her, fucking her like only he could. Y/N’s eyes closed as she continued, his name escaping her lips. She didn’t hear the door open, eyes snapping open when Theo spoke. “What the fuck are you doing?”

She looked up, saw him standing there in nothing but a towel, saw the stern look on his face and knew the route the evening was going to take. Tonight, Theo would control her every move, would take her in the ways he wanted to, would punish her for pleasuring herself.

“I- ”

“You were what?” Theo walked over to the bed. “You were fucking yourself when you know that I’m the only one who’s allowed to do that to you? I should have known you were disobedient. I tell you time and time again that the only person you’re allowed to come for is me, and that you shouldn’t do it for anyone else. But you will, and you do, because,” he grabbed the lapels of the shirt she was wearing, tearing it open and revealing her nakedness, “like I said before, you’re a fucking slut.”

Y/N’s core throbbed as Theo pulled the shirt the rest of the way off her, leaving her naked. “You’re a fucking slut and you need to be punished for breaking Daddy’s rules.” He removed the towel from his waist, and Y/N’s eyes fell to his cock. Theo followed her gaze.

“Beg me for it. Beg me to punish you, to fuck you with my cock.”

“Please, Daddy. Please fuck me, punish me for being such a bad girl. Daddy I need your cock in me again. I always need it. I need you to come inside of me, all over me, wherever you want. Please Daddy.”

Theo grabbed her chin. “Oh I will, but first, we’re going to have some fun.” He let go. “Get up.”

Y/N was quick to do so, watching Theo as he laid back on the bed. She squirmed as he wrapped his hand around his cock, pumping at it until it stood upright. She knew what to do, had done it plenty of times, and when Theo nodded at her, she climbed on top of him, her head positioned above his cock, her ass – and her ever-growing arousal – hovering above his face.

She heard a drawer open, and caught a glimpse of an object that Theo pulled out from the bedside table. She knew what it was, and felt her core only throb in response before Theo spoke. “You want my cock so badly, why don’t you suck it?”

Y/N lowered her head, her mouth enveloping Theo’s cock. As she took it, she felt Theo’s hand on her ass, fingers slipping between her cheeks and absentmindedly playing with her core. “Such a wet, pretty little thing.” He hissed as Y/N worked at him. “I could do so many things with this, like this, for example.” Y/N’s moans were muffled around Theo’s cock as he pushed the dildo inside of her. “You wanted other things to fuck you, sweetheart, well now you’re getting them.”

With every bob of her head, Theo pushed the dildo inside of Y/N. She could feel her release building, only intensified by the sharp stings that hit her skin every so often as Theo spanked her. “You’re so fucking tight, so fucking wet. You looked so fucking good from this angle, sucking my cock while I hit you for being the slut you are.” He hissed again, and Y/N knew what was coming. “You’re making Daddy come, princess, with that filthy little mouth of yours.” Y/N swallowed everything that Theo shot up into her mouth, savouring the taste of him as she felt herself arrive at the edge of her orgasm.

“Daddy, I’m coming.” Theo removed the dildo, throwing it on the floor, before hitting her ass again.

“Don’t you dare fucking come, you hear me? You’re being punished, and you don’t get to come until I say. So you fucking hold it, or I won’t fuck you anymore. Now get off me, lie down, and spread your legs like a good girl.” Trying her best to hold it in, Y/N climbed off Theo, following his every instruction.

He walked over to where he had thrown his clothes, removing the belt from his jeans, and Y/N was doing everything she could not to come at the sight of his cock. She knew the drill, and said nothing as Theo walked back over to her, grabbing her wrists in one hand and using the belt to tie them together. “You’re doing so well, baby, holding it in for me. It almost makes me regret wanting to punish you. But this is what you want, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Yes, it’s what I want.”

“Well, let’s see just how long you can hold it.”

Y/N squirmed as Theo lowered his head between her legs, licking a stripe up her core before diving in. She felt his nose nudge against her folds as he mouthed at her, eating her as if he had been starved. His tongue was nothing more than a miracle, she decided, as he rolled her clit between it, his fingers leaving bruises as he held her legs apart. She couldn’t touch him, couldn’t hold his head in place, so only spoke words of obscenity. “Fuck, Daddy, your tongue is so fucking good. I’m so fucking wet for you Daddy, please.” It was getting harder to hold it in, and Y/N was aware that it was obvious as Theo removed his mouth from her centre, his lips covered with her essence.

“You really want to fucking come, don’t you? That’s all you ever want to do, isn’t it?” Y/N nodded as Theo climbed on top of her, his cock positioned at her entrance. “Well, I think you’ve been punished enough. Maybe it’s time for me to finally fuck you. What do you say?”

“Please, Daddy, please fuck me. I’ll be good. I just want your cock inside of me, I just want to come on it, please.”

Theo slapped her core. “That’s enough begging, Y/N. Now keep quiet before I change my mind.”

Y/N fell apart when Theo entered her. He was violent in his thrusts, his forehead pressed against hers as he fucked her. She was in her ecstasy but he was too, telling her as much. “You feel so good on my cock, Y/N. You’re coming, aren’t you? I can feel it, I knew it wouldn’t be long. Go on then, sweetheart, come. Come all over me.”

It was all the permission Y/N needed. She screamed as she finally let go, as she pulsed around Theo’s cock. It seemed to last for an age, and she didn’t even register that Theo’s movements had lost their ferocity until he came inside of her, the product of their releases mingling inside of her.

When it was over, when Y/N felt tender, delicate, broken in the best way, Theo lost his sternness, and gently kissed her forehead. He slid out of her slowly, and instantly Y/N missed him.

But she knew it wouldn’t be for long.

It never was.

Hunting Season Masterlist

Masterlist

[celestialrry]

I wish you would write a fic where...

the main character is the daughter of a really important producer harry is working with and he has a major crush on her but 1) he doesn’t want her dad to feel like he’s taking advantage of her 2) she has a rule of not dating musicians

too young

OOOOOOHHHHHH

HIIII GUYS..... i started school again and honestly for the longest time i've had no inspiration to write but then i got this ask!!! (thank you for your patience anon ily) and was like i love this prompt but then i wrote the first part and had no idea how to continue it,,, but I finally finished it!! ε(♡'-')з (this is me giving you all my love and affection for sticking with me) 

(NOT EDITED)

2k

warnings: alcohol consumption

Harry was in a dilemma.

Usually, he could sweep all his issues under the rug, save them for another day, but this one... he couldn't do that. Not because he didn't want to, but because this problem was more than just a dust bunny on his hardwood floor.

Y/N was the problem.

Or to be more precise, his feelings for Y/N were the problem.

Harry had confidence when it came to his crushes. He was smooth, flirty, and snagged almost every single person he's caught feelings for.

But not Y/N.

No, she was almost unreachable, for quite a few reasons.

One, the only reason he knew her, met her, was through a producer he had been working with the past few months. Arlo was massive in the industry and Harry was flattered when Arlo approached him with interest in collaborating. And only a month into working together, he met Y/N.

Harry's head snapped towards the door that had just burst open, a girl barging into the studio that he had never seen before. She was gorgeous, he had to admit, but he couldn't ignore her blatant disrespect for coming in and making a scene while he, Arlo, and a few of his bandmates were working annoyed him to no end.

"Dad! Oh my god, you will not believe what just happened, I was on my way over here and I fucking bumped into Zach," The girl began ranting, approaching Arlo and huffing as she stood next to Arlo's chair. "Of all fucking people I could see just walking down the street, it had to be him. The world is against me today I swear. Anyways, I brought that drum pad you wanted."

She dug into her big brown bag that was slung over her shoulder and pulled out the music board, placing it on the table in front of Arlo.

"Where'd you see him, Y/N? We're about to go on break and I can leave and go kick his ass in," Arlo checked his watch. "7 minutes."

Y/N, Harry now knew her as, sighed and crossed her arms. "He's long gone by now, think he shit his pants when he saw me walking near him."

"Atta girl, thanks for bringing my board too," Arlo smiled up at her from his chair. He then turned to see Harry, and Mitch staring at the two of them. "Oh sorry guys, this is my daughter, Y/N. Y/N, this is Harry and Mitch."

She turned to look at them and smiled wide. "Nice to meet you!"

"You too." They both said in unison, looking at each other with a smile, before focusing back on Y/N.

"We'll be done soon, if you wanna go out and get lunch." Arlo said, turning back to his daughter.

"Sounds good, just text me," Y/N replied, giving him a smile before turning back to the boys. "Nice meeting you guys, again."

And before they could even respond she was gone.

Two, Y/N was younger than him. 6 years younger to be exact. It didn't seem like much, but when put into perspective, she was 21, only just being legally allowed to drink in the States, and Harry was 27. Practically 30, if you ask him, and he was positive Arlo would have his head if he found out Harry liked his daughter. 

And three, she doesn't date the people her dad works with. 

He had found this out one night when he, Arlo, Y/N, Mitch, and a couple other writers were hanging out at the studio, drinking some wine (she had even exclaimed that this would be her first time drinking red, and Harry was yet again reminded of her age) and chatting after a long day of working. 

Harry and Mitch were laughing with Arlo about the first time they met Y/N, and her comments about this “Zach” guy. 

“He’s my ex, and had worked with my dad on one shitty song that never got far because he’s just so-- music is just not his thing, to put it nicely. But he was an absolute asshole and after him I made rule to never date anyone Dad works with. It would just go terribly.” She explained, letting Arlo take a few more jabs at the guy before stopping him.

So yeah, Harry was in a dilemma. 

In all the time he’d known Y/N, he just kept falling for her. She was kind, funny, beautiful, lit up any room she walked into, and treated Harry like fine porcelain. 

She was just fucking perfect. 

｡:°ஐ

Y/N had probably been in a lot of worse positions than the predicament she was in now.

For example, that time her dad walked in on her and her ex making out in the studio, or her 21st birthday when she got completely wasted and almost got into the wrong car instead of her uber, and the next day found out that the man driving that car was actually a convicted criminal.

So there’s worse things that could happen than her liking Harry.

But it doesn't mean it wasn’t bad.

The thing is, Y/N didn’t fall for anyone easily. Her one and only ex Zach treated her like a queen until he could officially claim her as his. The flowers he gave her before every date remained at the shop and the consistent compliments turned into insults and muttered claims of discontentment. 

Hence why he was her ex. It took Y/N quite a long time to work up the courage to end things with him. He was her first kiss, first time, and first boyfriend. She was yet to find her first love, she never really loved Zach. The way he used to treat her in the beginning, she thinks she loved, but him? No, she would never call him her first love. 

So when Y/N’s time crush on Harry began to develop into real feelings in such a short span of time, it terrified her. She had really never felt this way about someone before; butterflies would erupt in her stomach every time he shot her a smile and her mind would erupt into pure chaos when his body brushed up against her own. 

So yeah, it could be worse, but it certainly wasn't good.

｡:°ஐ

Y/N enjoyed spending time at the studio with her dad, and surprisingly, spending time with her dad’s “co-workers”. Even though she didn't usually hang out with the pop stars and spent time mostly with the backing band/producers (they were usually 50 year old men, but they were pretty nice) she enjoyed herself fully, having lunch breaks and talking about where their children when to school and whatnot. 

Sometimes though, every blue moon, Y/N would hang out with a super star her dad was working with. Usually when most stars are at the studio all they did was record, which was understandable, but she never had the chance to meet a lot of them.

With Harry though, everything was different. It wasn’t just lunches at the studio, or dinner at someone’s house, no, tonight they were going out to a bar. 

It was completely unexpected too, they had just wrapped up a song, and Harry, being in a particularly good mood had yelled out about going to a bar to celebrate. Of course, Y/N ignored his shout, knowing she wasn’t invited, and after Arlo had said something about “not being able to party as much as I used to”, she gave her dad a hug good night and waved a little goodbye to the band. 

“Wait!” Harry had exclaimed, chasing after her in the hallway. “Where are y’going?”

Y/N’s eyes widened and she looked behind her before looking back at Harry. “I was just gonna head back home.”

Harry’s head tilted, and looked at her questionably. “Y’not comin’ to the bar with us?” He practically pouted.

Her brows shot up in surprise. “Oh! I- yeah I’ll go out with you guys.”

Which lead her here, decently tipsy, and sitting in a booth between Harry and Sarah, laughing at a story Adam had been telling. Every now and then she would glance over to Harry just to find his gaze already on her.

Her heart fluttered every time, and if Harry’s cheeks weren’t already flushed from the alcohol, Y/N would have noticed him blush every time they locked eyes as well. 

“M’gonna get another drink, does anyone want anything?” Y/N piped up, a resounding chorus of “no, thank you’s” answering her question. Except for Harry who spoke softly, “A beer? Go ahead and put it on my tab.”

She shook her head at him as he stood up to let her out of the maroon leather booth. “Can’t make you pay for that, I offered.” She said, standing to lock eyes with him yet again. 

“Nope,” He grinned. “You can, and you will.”

“But-”

“No buts.” He chuckled, giving her a dimpled smile.

Accepting her defeat she nodded and squeezed his arm with a murmured “Thank you.” before making her way to the bar.

Harry sat back down again, eyes trailing her figure as she walked away before looking back at the table to be met with knowing eyes. 

“What is it?” He asked, glancing around at everyone.

“You’re whipped, mate.” Charlotte grinned, everyone else nodding in agreement.

“What?! I am not.” Harry pouted, eyes flicking over to Y/N, who was making her way to the table, one drink in each hand, before back to everyone else. 

“She’s really sweet H, you should go for it.” Mitch said.

Harry shook his head, eyes now on Mitch. “I’m not interested in her like that, she’s way too young for me, anyways.”

Just then did he hear the soft hit of his beer and her cosmo land on the table. His gaze trailed up her hands to see Y/N’s shattered face. “Here.” She practically whispered to him.

“I just remembered I have an early class tomorrow, so I should go, but thank you guys for inviting me out.” Y/N explained in lighting speed as she leaned over Harry to grab her purse and toss is over her shoulder. 

Words of confusion were tossed around the table but she was already booking it out of there, leaving Harry just as devastated as she was.

“I think she heard you, H.” Sarah said, frowning. 

Harry let out a muttered “Fuck!” before taking out large bills from his wallet and tossing it on the table. “For my tab, m’sorry, I gotta go.” And he left just as fast as Y/N did, weaving through the tables and people before bursting out the door to see her standing on the street, arm wrapped around her waist and another holding her phone.

“Y/N!”

Her head whipped around to see Harry bustling towards her and she quickly wiped her eye as he approached.

“Wait, don't go,” He said, struggling to find the words. “We all want you to stay, I want you to stay.”

“I have to get to class Harry, plus, I’m too young to be staying out this late anyways.” She grimaced at her own words. 

He sighed, eyes flickering from her own to her lips then back again. “I-fuck, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

This time, she fully turned to face him, brows knitted in distress. “Then how did you mean it? Because honestly I don’t think there is another way to mean it.”

This was his only chance, Harry knew it. 

“I just, I tried for so long to tell myself it was wrong to feel this way about you because you’re so much younger than me, and m’pretty sure your father would have my head if he knew but m’fucking infatuated with you, Y/N. M’so sorry I said that earlier, age is my only excuse for not asking you out and it’s not a good enough excuse anymore.”

With this her mouth was gaped like a fish, and her face was akin to a deer caught in headlights. In a flash her arms were wrapped around his neck and he was holding her waist, reveling in her touch. 

“Oh, Harry,” She pulled away. “I really like you too.” And with that she pressed a swift kiss to his cheek, leaving him a blushing mess. 

“Good, thats... thats good.” He stammered.

“So,” she nudged his arm. “Y’gonna ask me out now?”

[merakiaes]

Captain Jealous - William Lennox

Pairing: William Lennox x reader

Requested: By @neemonroe​

Prompts: #20, #41, #42 from the smut-list. 

Warnings/notes: Takes place before Transformers. Not proofread so sorry in advance for any mistakes. Might be a little bit OOC but I still hope you’ll enjoy it. Please reblog and comment, it would make my day <3 

Wordcount: 3806

Summary: Flirting with Will only seems to result in annoyance, but when you finally turn your attention elsewhere, he’s not very pleased. 

Growing up, your mother had always told you to be the kind of woman that, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the Devil says, “oh crap, she’s up”. 

You lived by those words every day of your life, not once backing down from a fight, always standing up for what was right, as well as holding your own and never giving up on getting the things you wanted.

To most, you were one of the strongest and most admirable women they’d ever gotten the pleasure of meeting, but to others… well, let’s just say that you might have taken your mother’s words a bit too literally.

You were absolutely relentless when you put your mind to something and one of the many people who had fallen victim to that stubbornness was William Lennox.

Having enrolled in the army around the same time and being equally as good at what you did both back in training and in the field, the two of you had always respected each other and rather than being competitive, tried your best to lift each other up.

If one of you took control of a situation and started shouting out orders, the other didn’t question it, not even when Will eventually passed you in ranks. Because your minds worked in the exact same ways and so it didn’t really matter who gave the orders since the orders would be the same in the end, anyway, no matter whose lips they passed.

But you did differ in the way that Will much preferred to keep his personal life separated from his professional life, while you had a habit of letting them merge together, which inevitably resulted in you bringing the obvious attraction you felt for him with you out on the field.

Will was one of the people who thought you had taken your mother’s advice a bit too literally. That was what he told you on a daily basis as a response to your endless flirting, at least. But you knew better; you knew that he, at least to some extent, reciprocated your attractions, thanks to the few moments you had shared back in training.

“It was all fun and games back then”. He liked to say in that stern, military voice he had picked up the second he was promoted to Captain. “But this is the real deal. This is serious, and this, this thing you’re doing, is unprofessional.”

Ever the workaholic soldier, he was, at this point basically having dedicated his entire life to the job with no time to spare for fun. But no matter how hard he tried denying it, you knew that the two of you shared something, and so did every other member of your squad.

The only ones who seemed completely clueless to this were the newbies and as you gradually lost hope that your stubborn captain would ever admit and give in to his feelings, you found it to be a breath of fresh air to be able to spend time with people who weren’t constantly making suggestive remarks and fueling the attraction from your side.

One, in particular, caught your eye; tall, dark and handsome. He had yet to gain more muscle than the bare minimum and was, admittedly, kind of lanky. He was one year younger than you which was way too young seeing as you’d otherwise not even go for guys the same age as you, but he had banter and shared your flirty, dirty, cheeky sense of humor which, most definitely, made up for what he lacked in life-experience.

Will had smugly watched all of the newbies try to make a move on you only to be shot down quicker than your enemies, but then the last of the soldiers had swept up by your side, put a long, lean arm over your shoulders, and hit you with the cheesiest pick-up line he had ever heard. 

“How you doing, mama? You must be a parking ticket, ‘cuz you got fiiine written all over you.”

While Epps, Fig and the rest of the team broke out into laughter at the man’s poor technique, Will’s face transformed from smug to stone-cold murderer. 

Why? Because he knew that you didn’t want a man to tell you the stars reflected in your eyes or that you took their breath away with your beauty.

What you wanted was someone who could make you laugh, and when you threw your head back and joined in on the seemingly endless laughing fit, he was overtaken by a feeling so strong that he didn’t quite know what to do with himself.

And you noticed the change of demeanor immediately. The long, hard stares were only the tip of the iceberg, as was the way he would move closer to you and find a way to touch you as much as he possibly could without making it inappropriate or suspicious. 

The most extreme part of his change in behavior was how hard and strict he suddenly became with the rookie, who had quickly earned himself the reputation of your very own lapdog. 

He got scolded even for the most insignificant of mistakes, always got put on parade as the “example” in exercises in which he was usually thrown to the ground by Will himself and totally and completely humiliated.

Of course, those moments were just poor thinking on Will’s part seeing as you, besides being incredibly flirty and witty, also happened to be one of the most caring members of the team. 

Not only did he have to watch you laugh until your stomach hurt at the rookie’s bad jokes, but he also had to watch you comfort and reassure him after his one-on-one’s with the Captain.

And still, Will couldn’t stop himself from making the same mistake again and again, the consequences every time being that he was stuck watching you fuss over the younger soldier, because no matter how much it vexed him, he knew that you knew why he was acting the way he was. 

It was all a game to you and he played along because he wanted to keep showing you that he was the better option. Unluckily for the rookie, though, Will’s method of showing dominance was through physical contact.

You knew what Will was doing, how he was trying to punish the rookie, mildly and legally, of course, while simultaneously trying to show you that he was displeased with what was going on; that he wanted it to stop.

To a start, you only showed interest in the rookie to fuck with Will, but you quickly realized that he was actually a fun guy to hang around.

You enjoyed spending time with him. Not a second with him went without laughter and it was nice to be able to have fun like that for a change, and soon enough, you’d more or less forgotten about the silent war between the two of you.

You probably knew that it wasn’t a real interest, judging by the way you didn’t even care enough to remember his name, but it was fun to have another banter-buddy.

You’d had an identical friendship with Epps since the start, but two people could only keep the creativity up for so long; after a while, you just couldn’t come up with witty remarks and sarcastic jokes, anymore.

Up until then, Will had still kept his disapproval about the whole thing lowkey, because as long as you were only doing what you were doing to make him jealous, you were still interested. 

But when you started making moves on the rookie with genuine interest, without looking over at Will while doing it, it was no longer a game. 

While already on the topic of games, you were completely useless when it came to cards. It didn’t matter what game you played; you’d always end up as the loser. And although you enjoyed the banter that followed the teasing of your poor card-playing abilities, your patience wasn’t endless.

“Alright, I’m calling it.” You chuckled after losing the fifth game of the evening, dropping your thick deck of cards onto the table in front of you.

“Really? But it was going so good for you.” Epps wasted no time in firing back with feign-surprise, to which all you did was deliver a sharp slap to his head.

The table broke out into laughter. “You had that coming.” Fig shook his head, successfully starting a metaphorical war. 

You chuckled at their antics and pushed back your chair, getting to your feet and stretching your arms above your head.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” You said, and wasted no time in starting to collect your things.

The rookie’s attention was instantly piqued, and so was Will’s, who had been playing in silence nearly the entire time you’d been there.

“You know, I need to shower, too.” He stated, shrugging his shoulders with a smirk. “So, I should probably join you. You know, save water. Provide some extra heat.”

“Oh, yeah?” You raised a playful eyebrow and chuckled. “Tempting offer, but I’ll have to take a raincheck on that. Glad to know I have options, though. Maybe next time.”

Without waiting for his reply, you snatched your jacket from a nearby stool and playfully flicked his forehead, before turning around and walking away, completely oblivious of the pairs of eyes that kept watching you from the table you had just left.

You went about your shower routine like you always did; get undressed, wash hair, wash body, turn off the water in-between washes, get dried and get dressed again. Sharing the water with so many people could be hard, so you couldn’t really take the long, thoughtful showers you did when at home.

You were out again as quickly as you had gotten in and took your time getting lotioned and dressed, getting as much self-care into your night as you possibly could when at a military base.

“What are you doing with the new kid?”

You should’ve been significantly more aware of your surroundings as a soldier but in your defense, everyone dropped their guard to some extent when in a safe environment, so the scream that came out of your mouth at the sudden sound of a voice was completely justified.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” You swore as you jumped around, hastily reaching for your damp towel to cover your bare chest.

Coming face to face with a furious-looking Will, you glared. “Knock much?”

He didn’t look amused in the slightest, crossing his arms over his chest. “Knock, knock. Answer my question.”

Your mouth snapped shut at the dominance behind his voice and your eyes instinctively flickered to his biceps, veins and muscle more defined than ever in the way he had positioned his arms.

You were, however, proud to say that you were quick to come back to your senses, your eyes snapping back to meet his.

“Do you, maybe, oh, I don’t know, want to turn around?” You asked sarcastically with a raised eyebrow.

If you wanted him to turn around to gain privacy for yourself or simply because you couldn’t stop glancing at his bulging biceps, you didn’t know, but no matter the reason behind your wish, he didn’t move an inch.

“Answer the question.” Was all that he said, and you rolled your eyes.

“I’m just having a bit of fun.”

“Do you like him?” His questions kept shooting out as quickly as bullets and, again, you couldn’t refrain from rolling your eyes.

“He’s fun to be around.” You said simply, giving him a slightly annoyed glare before turning around and dropping the towel to continue getting dressed.

Will didn’t even try to cover the fact that he was checking you out, eyes shamelessly traveling your form and taking his sweet time to remember all the details his eyes could reach. 

It wasn’t like this was the first time one of you saw the other only partly clothed – you know, it was kind of inevitable for all of you to catch a glimpse of each other’s birthday suits once every blue moon - so once the shock of his sudden appearance had melted off, the nervousness followed.

“But do you like-like him?”

At the sound of that question in particular, you couldn’t help but snort.

“What is this? Third grade?” You threw him an amused look over your shoulder. “Say that I do like-like him, do you think I should ask Epps if he can give him a note asking him to check yes or no on whether or not he’d like to be my boyfriend?” You gave him a sarcastic pout.

At this point, Will was completely fed up with your inability to take anything seriously and spun you around by your arm. 

Luckily, you had just finished hooking your bra behind your back, said bra thankfully covering your chest from his view.

“Can you not make a joke about everything?” He asked, your wrist firmly held in his hand. “You have to realize how bad this looks to our superiors. First me, and now him. You can’t go around flirting with everyone. It makes you look unprofessional and uncommitted and that, in turn, makes it look like I can’t do my job.”  

“Is that really what’s got your big-soldier-boy panties in a twist, though?” You narrowed your eyes challengingly, and slowly fought your wrist out of his grip to, instead, grab a hold of his hand.

Further proving your point, he did nothing to protest, the glare remaining in his eyes, but the rest of his face being overtaken by exasperation.

“I just don’t get it.” He said. “You spend all this time pushing my buttons, being completely insufferable with your never-ending flirting, and now you’re suddenly interested in someone else?”

“I think the real question here is why you’re suddenly interested when I’ve spent so much time trying to get your attention to no avail and now, what? You suddenly want me because I might be interested in someone else?” You raised an eyebrow, and couldn’t deny the flash of heat going through your body when he lowly growled.

“I’ve never not wanted you.” He objected. “And you’re not interested in the rookie.”

“How would you know?”

“Because I know you.”

“So what you’re saying is, basically, that you can’t be with me, but I also can’t be interested in anyone else.”

“We both know that relationships in this work are highly frowned upon and-“

“Highly frowned upon, but not forbidden. You’ve still had the option to choose, and you actively chose not to act on it. Just making that clear.”

“I haven’t acted on it because it’s wrong.”

“If it’s so wrong…” You started, a sharp shiver going down your spine as your bare back hit the cold, wet tiles. “Then why did you just corner me in the shower?”

During that short minute of back-and-forth arguing, he had done just that, the two of you now standing chest against chest in the darkest corner of the room.

Your face was pulled into a determined glare, as was his, and the tension and intensity behind your shared stare was enough to have all of the previously discussed issues forgotten in less than a microsecond.  

The proximity between you in combination with the fact that you were at an obvious disadvantage in height and size made you feel both hot and cold at the same time. You felt like prey under his stare. You found yourself liking it all the while you were hating the feeling of being so powerless, and your inner conflict only added to the tension.

“You have no idea how much willpower it’s taken me to keep resisting you, to keep turning you down.” He spoke slowly, and lowly. “Each of my thoughts about you are improper and you put all of those thoughts into my head every day, pulling my strings, pushing my buttons, just walking around being… you.”

In one smooth motion, he intertwined his fingers with yours, and your eyes automatically flickered down to watch your now joined-together digits; rough and calloused meeting even rougher and more calloused.

“I like you. I care about you. More than I should.” He continued, prompting you to look back up with an eyebrow raised.

“And?” 

“What do you want me to say?” He asked, exasperated and impatient. “Do you want me to say that I want to be with you? Because I do. I. Want. To. Be. With. You.”

You snickered at his over-dramatic emphasizing, finding it nothing short of amusing that he’d been protesting and telling you how wrong it was only seconds before, and now he was more or less proclaiming his love for you. That, more than anything, just showed how stubborn he was.

“Took you long enough.” You mused, leaning your head back into the wall and smirking, all while looking him straight in the eye. “It’s just too bad that I’ve grown so fond of the rookie. You know, he’s quite-“

Before you could finish your sentence, you were interrupted by Will’s lips crashing into yours, roughly and urgently. In the process, you were pushed even further into the wall behind you, and as the sudden force threw you off balance, you instinctively reacted by moving your arms up to his neck to hold yourself in place.

In return, his hands moved to each side of your waist, big, warm hands squeezing down on the flesh that had long ago turned cold from being bare in the nippy air for so long.

You had always imagined what it would feel like to be touched by him like this, but not even your wildest imagination could compare to the intensity of the tingles that spread through your stomach and chest.

Your hands slowly sneaked up the back of his neck, your body reacting automatically, but just as you were about to tousle your fingers in his hair, the moment ended when he pulled away.

Both of you were left panting in silence, the only sounds available for your ears to hear being your ragged breaths and the rhythmic dripping of the shower beside you.

“Wow, Captain.” You were the first one to speak. “I knew you were hot for me, but try to keep it in your pants. That was hardly professional.”

Just like that, your sarcastic persona returned as if it had never left in the first place, your eyes opening after having been closed up until then and meeting his with a playful grin.

A deep chuckle rumbled through his chest. “I’m pretty sure you threw professional straight out the window the first time we met.” He pointed out and much to your dismay, stepped back. “Are you going to stop encouraging the rookie, now?”

Getting straight to the point, okay.

“I don’t know…” You shrugged casually, bringing your hand up to your face to inspect your nails and peeking up at him through your lashes with a devilish smirk. “Jealousy looks kinda good on you.”

“I’m not jealous!” He exclaimed quickly, and you immediately raised an eyebrow as a way to say ‘really?’

“I’m not jealous.” He repeated, this time in a lower, calmer tone. “It’s just, you’re mine.”

Those two words alone were enough to make you inwardly groan, like one would when eating that first scoop of ice cream after not having been able to eat any in a week. Or a day.

But in a brave attempt to not make a fool of yourself, you remained in your teasing element, raising your eyebrows and hitting him back with a feign-uncaring: “Is that so?”

To that, he stepped closer to you once again, brought his hands up to cradle your cheeks, and playfully glared.

“Stop flirting with the rookie.” He repeated.

“Is that an order?” You asked.

“I’m asking politely.” He lied.

“Hmmm….” You hummed, pretending to think only for a moment, before flashing him a shit-eating grin. “No. I’m having way too much fun watching you squirm.”

Still leaning against the wall, you carefully pushed yourself up, pushed your chest against his and watched in success as his eyes flickered down.

Taking your sweet time, you brought your hands up to his chest with agonizingly slow movements and leaned your head up to his.

His breath shook as you brushed your lips over his and whispered against them lowly. 

“You’re hot when you’re mad.”

Will pushed his head forward with obvious intentions, but before he could press his lips against yours, you slid out of the tight corner, resulting in him having to catch himself on the wall left behind.

With a proud smile, you walked over to the bench by which you had previously been working on getting dressed and snatched your shirt where it laid.

“You’ll drive me crazy before all this is over, you know that?” Will spoke from behind you, which only made your smile widen.

Quickly pulling on your shirt and collecting the rest of your things, you turned around and walked back up to him where he still stood in the shower.

“That’s always been the plan.” You replied simply, placing a quick peck to the corner of his mouth before once again turning around and walking away, this time leaving him completely alone in the room.

He had to take a few moments to collect himself and regain his composure, and by the time he walked back out, you were nowhere in sight. 

With only you on his mind, he headed back to the table where the rest of the team were still playing cards, and sat down in the chair he had occupied before leaving.

“So, now that it’s just us here, I could use some advice on-“ The rookie wasted no time, but didn’t get to finish.

“You couldn’t handle her even if she came with instructions, kid.” Will interrupted without even looking at him, reading his mind without struggle since the person of his interest was one they had in common.

Growing up, your mother had always told you to be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the Devil says, “oh crap, she’s up”. 

You lived by those words every day of your life, not once backing down from a fight, always standing up for what was right, as well as holding your own and never giving up on getting the things you wanted.

To some, this was an admirable quality while, to others, you might have taken your mother’s words a bit too literally.

When it came to Will? Well, he just had nothing bad to say about you. You might’ve gotten on his nerves ninety-nine percent of the time, and been completely and utterly insufferable, but God did he love it.

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