#for hideously obvious reasons

[this-acuteneurosis]

I kind of want to get you started on mind tricks. cause like weak minded to strong minded dynamic and the blur away, but also the sith back in the day were for SURE a Caste system of force sensitive rulers and non force sensitives, and the jedi were their ENEMY off and on for thousands of years, cultural bleed through and dynamics of their own power systems but Ben we are not the droids you are looking for go away so I dont have to kill you, versus Qui hey I want this thing trade it for me.

Alright, Oct anon, it's been a while, but I have not forgotten you definitely forgot this ask in my drafts for who even knows how many months but it's found again, whoo!

It's taken me a while to get this together partly to try and arrange my thoughts in a logical order but also...

Guys, I really, really care about the use of agency in stories. Like, I've ranted about it in relation to droids, I've explained some of my problems with it in the context of the thematic changes between the OT and the PT, I stew over it constantly in my brain, it's a central theme of many of my own stories (including DLB).

I really don't like mind control, and not just in Star Wars.

Now, just because I don't like a thing doesn't mean it doesn't have a place in story telling. As a device, mind control/manipulation can be useful or important to a plot. To a theme. Overcoming it can be powerful or cool (Ella Enchanted-I prefer the novel personally, Tanjiro in Demon Slayer: Mugen Train), watching someone succumb to it can be agonizing (Frodo in Return of the King, anyone? Princess Euphemia in Code Geass?).

So, what is the point of Mind Tricks (and that naming choice, "trick," making it sound almost...harmless) in the Star Wars story, and maybe in the universe?

I feel like in its initial reveal, the mind trick was supposed to a) convey how "magical" Jedi were and b) get the plot from point A to B. Obi-Wan waves his hand, someone believes something hideously untrue, move along move along, don't think about it too hard.

Like, literally, audience, please. Don't.

Luke uses it in RotJ for pretty much the same reason. To convery a) Luke is well on his way to being a "magical" Jedi now (oh but wait, there's more character growth he needs!), and b) Luke needs to get into Jabba's palace and why would they let him in? Because he says so, so we will take him to Jabba now. Move along, move along.

I don't like the implications of this power existing, and as an adult who has been in situation where I have to report to higher powers, the disregard of the consequences of these things are a bit darker if I look too closely, but like...move along, I guess. It's fine as long as we're only using these powers on space nazis and slavers. Right?

Except then we get more movies. And cartoons. It's fine if Obi-Wan mind controls a person into not smoking, right? Smoking is Bad and Obi-Wan is Good.

Only.

Only...

Who taught Obi-Wan to use mind tricks?

Ah yes, my old nemesis.

To all you Qui-Gon fans out there, you may wanna leave. This analysis is probably not for you.

So like, Qui-Gon Jinn. Qui-Gon "I'm friends with the current Chancellor and thus an obvious, notable representative of the Jedi Order but I don't get along with my higher ups" Jinn. The thing you have to understand about my opinion of him is that, as a young, first time watcher of TPM, I liked him. He was funny, irreverent, direct. He was wise, or at least seemed to know things no one else did. He was a maverick, ready to go against all orders and advice for what he knew was right. And everyone around him was just stuffy and uninformed.

And to be fair, he wasn't wrong about everything. He's set up to be sympathetic. He's trying to treat with the gungans and they won't listen? Well he and Obi-Wan are right, the Trade Federation does go for the gungans. The Order says there are no Sith? Oops, wrong on that one. The Council makes the ambiguous assertion Anakin is "too old" to train. We've seen the OT. We know "too old" is nonsense.

But like, what does Qui-Gon do when he's thwarted?

He takes away people's agency.

Oh, you don't want to help us, Boss Nass, political leader? Cool, well I'm gonna undermine you in front of your entire court and you're gonna give us a whole ship (that we won't return) to help us defend a people you've been in an active war with for centuries. Oh, my currency doesn't work on this planet? I think it will mister small time junk dealer with a gambling problem (jokes on you for that one, sir).

This to me is a huge red flag in a story that is about literal slaves. I know people will defend the above examples. It was necessary. There were lives at stake.

You wanna know who would have suffered if Qui-Gon had been able to con Watto out of that part?

Anakin and Shmi.

Worthless (or event mostly worthless) currency on a planet where you have to buy water is literal death under the right circumstances. And who do you think Watto's going to reduce rations on. He's got cash flow problems? What's the quickest way for him to make back what he just lost? I'll give you a hint, he gambles on them later in the exact same movie.

So like, well before we get to "weak minded" or anything dubious like that, there's this awkward question of, "Why are the good guys always using powers to make people do things? And not worried about the consequences?"

And like, if we go back to simple story narratives, and trying to move things from point A to point B, that's fine I guess. I enjoy the OT. I'll move along.

But if you ask me to stop and think about it.

Well...

[ingravinoveritas]

Isn’t Crowley in season 2 the gayest thing you’ve ever seen?

Extraordinarily gay, Anon. If there was an early warning system for homosexuality like they have for belligerent actions in the military, Crowley would be at DEFCON Fabulous. Allow me to share a few of my favorite gay Crowley moments:

So, for the first two moments, I'm thoroughly amused and delighted by just how much more David has upped the "dramatic bitch" quotient in season 2. We saw in season 1 that Crowley could be very dramatic when the occasion called for it--such as that little pesky thing called the Apocalypse--but what feels different to me now is that this is Crowley's "everyday" dramatic bitch. The part of him he kept hidden in the first season but now feels comfortable showing, specifically and especially to Aziraphale.

It's one of several things that adds to the very "domestic" feeling of season 2, along with Crowley also whipping off his sunglasses the minute he sets foot in the bookshop. He saunters in like there's a red carpet on the floor and waits expectantly for Aziraphale to tell him he's pretty, and even just standing there, Crowley radiates The Gay in epic quantities.

And then there is the third moment. Crowley in Heaven, in that absolutely ludicrous outfit. The gold sigil. The scarf. The headband. He looks like he just got done inventing glory holes and is excessively smug about the blasphemy of it all. The entire outfit literally goes from hideously ugly to incredible just because Crowley is taking the word "extra" to new heights (or depths, as it were).

I also think that the reason Crowley is so much more dramatic and so much gayer in season 2 is because of David. We know that Michael put everything of himself into Aziraphale in the first season and repeatedly said that he didn't know where the line was between the character and himself, but in contrast, I think David was playing Crowley by the book. (Quite literally, as in Crowley the way he was written in the GO novel.)

Now, though, it's plainly obvious that David has put much more of himself into the role, as we've seen him wear that exact headband IRL and the trackslut--sorry, tracksuit--seems to be an homage to the hoodie David was living in throughout the seasons of Staged...and it's also unzipped to the navel, as David was fond of doing in scenes with Michael with nothing on underneath.

So yes, Crowley in season 2 of GO is most certainly the gayest thing I've ever seen, but not just because of the clothes. It's the level of comfort in his skin, the feeling of safety he seems to have with Aziraphale that lets him be who he really is, without fear or worry. It's that he can be a dramatic bitch knowing full well that Aziraphale will call him a dramatic bitch, but still love him anyway. I think we are going to see all sorts of levels to Crowley's gayness this season (with and without Aziraphale), and I'm so excited for it...

[mermaidsirennikita]

recs (he or contemp) where the hero just assumes the worst about the heroine? Kind of like those trashy harlequins where dude thinks heroines the absolute worst the biggest brat in the universe but he ends up being so wonderfully wrong?

I mean, the big obvious one off the top of my head is It Happened One Autumn by Lisa Kleypas. Westcliff never likes Lillian. Like, even when you read Secrets of a Summer Night, he thinks this girl is TRASH. Mostly because he wants to dive into that trash like a raccoon.

When the Duke Loved Me by Lydia Lloyd has a great setup there. The hero and heroine had this great makeout when they were both in disguise at this party years before, but it's interrupted by his friends who are like "NOOOOO STOOOOOP" because she's actually from this family that is mortal enemies with his family, particularly because her aunt and his dad hooked up years ago and caused SCANDAL AND RUINATION. So the hero, who is hideously attracted to her, thinks she's similar and is just out to get him. Her opinion of him is... not much higher.

A Secret Love by Stephanie Laurens has an interesting variation on this. The hero and heroine really dislike each other, and he has just no real rationale for it because they grew up together (the actual rationale: she got hot as they grew up and he sublimated this development into hatred). However, because of his Special Skills of Financial Investigation (all Cynster dudes have Special Skills, just go with it) the heroine puts on a veil, pretends to be a widow, and enlists him to help her. And he lOOOOVES her as a widow.

In Which Matilda Halifax Learns the Value of Restraint by Alexandra Vasti has the hero think the heroine is painted HUSSY because she drew dirty pictures of him... but he's also into it and just can't admit it. In Which Winnie Halifax is Utterly Ruined also has the hero develop an initially bad impression of her. Mostly because she's pretending to be his wife.

The Duke Gets Desperate by Diana Quincy has a hero who haaaates the American heroine because she's basically inherited his castle and is like "you are art historian and dumb with money, we are going to offer paid tours of this castle to financially justify its existence" and he's like *SCANDALIZED GASP*. It's very funny.

The Duke Gets Even by Joanna Shupe, of course, has Lockwood absolutely despise Nellie after their initial oceanic makeout. Mostly because, in his defense, she's constantly coming in to ruin his attempts at securing a sugar mama. The "you'll NEVER MARRY MY FRIEND"/"well guess what??? that just ensures I'll marry her EVEN HARDER" exchange lives rent-free in my brain.

Never Seduce a Duke by Vivienne Lorret features a hero who thinks the heroine stole his magical Arthurian cookbook, leading to him pursuing her across Europe for JUSTICE!!! (not only for justice)

Once More, My Darling Rogue by Lorraine Heath is a retelling of the Kurt Russell/Goldie Hawn classic overboard, in which the hero hates the bratty, bitchy heroine so much (with good reason lol) when he rescues her from a river and realizes she has amnesia, he literally just tells her she's his housekeeper as revenge. I mean, it's supposed to be a BIT and it goes on much longer than he expected. But he DOES make her wash his back, and that DID make me laugh a lot. TW: discussions of childhood sexual abuse.

Wicked in His Arms by Stacy Reid has a cold, uptight earl (?) who hates the heroine on sight because he thinks she's, again, a hussy. He's such a dick to her. This is also the one, however, where he deflowers her impetuously in a closet and then chases her when she runs like, crying into the hallway, and then they run into his mom and everyone is like "well. this situation is extremely obvious" so bOOM MARRIED.

After Dark with The Duke by Julie Anne Long has the older, dignified, war hero duke hate the younger, seemingly-flighty opera singer heroine because she's a scandalous woman who recently came off of two men fighting a duel over here. It's not classy!!!! Then he's mean to her and the owners of the boarding house where they're staying force him to teach her Italian in apology. And. He realizes things.

Married by Morning by Lisa Kleypas, of course, is building off the frankly irrational mutual hatred Leo Hathaway and Catherine Marks have had for each other ever since she entered the scene in Seduce Me at Sunrise. Tbh, the preceding books are good and worth reading (especially Seduce, one of my favorite Kleypases) but it's also just so fun to read Leo being like "I hate Marks so much, she's such a killjoy, I shall sketch her wearing nothing simply because".

Sweetest Scoundrel by Elizabeth Hoyts (a top Maiden Lane for me) has Asa and Eve just kind of hate each other because she's soooo proper, and he's soooo note, and it's actually really lovely to see him realize why she is the way he is, and melt because he's so empathetic, actually, and A DEEPLY GOOD MAN. ASA MAKEPEACE. UGH. I just love that both Makepeace heroes are God Tier.

Between the Devil and Desire by Lorraine Heath, of course, has Jack Dodger be like "Olivia is so cold and so uptight and has such a giant stick up her ass" and over time he realizes she's actually a delightfully zany freak.

The Worst Guy by Kate Canterbary, of course, stars surgeons who really just severely dislike each other in a very childish way that I somehow found incredibly hilarious. He thinks she's the WORST, and he's honestly wrong about a lot of things... then they're forced to go through work counseling, basically, which leads to them casually taking their anger out on each other through hookups.

You, Again by Kate Goldbeck. It's a retelling of When Harry Met Sally, basically--and to be fair, the hero has his reasons lol. Because the heroine is hooking up with the girl he's trying to date seriously in the beginning. BUT IN HER DEFENSE!!! The relationship wasn't serious at that point. Anyway, over the years of course they become friends... with sizzling tension the whole time.

Pride and Protest by Nikki Payne is a Pride and Prejudice retelling wherein this billionaire meets a woman protesting against his company, and he initially thinks she's basically a poser, but gradually he realizes she's the real deal... and naturally becomes obsessed.

Managed by Kristen Callihan has the hero just hate the heroine... somewhat understandable reasons, tbh. But there's more to her than what meets the eye! He's this very strait-laced manager of a rock band, and he hires her to be the photographer/social media manager.. But he also has insomnia and can't sleep WITHOUT HER IN THE BED LOL.

Eyes on Me by Sara Cate has the hero dislike the heroine because she's his annoying stepsister! That's all. But then she turns out to be into camming, and oops he ends up watching, and it kinds spirals from there.

American Royalty by Tracey Livesay features a stuffy British prince assigned to the task of putting on this big charity concert... Which leads to him pulling in this popular American rapper. There's a lot of clashing because she's confident and doesn't take any shit from him, and of course he's doing some attraction sublimation. It also has a direct sequel, The Duchess Effect, which is similarly so good!

Act Your Age, Eve Brown by Talia Hibbert features leads who are both on the spectrum, which is great. She's trying to become more independent, so she ends up working at this B&B he runs. But she also like, lowkey hits him with her car. And is kind of wild and off the wall. And he can't stand her. YET...

[decepti-thots]

I had no idea that anything was actually happening with otw but thank you I see this as a sign to start downloading all my fav fics lol

On reflection, I suppose I did make that comment offhandedly without thinking that many people have no idea what I'm talking about- it concerns stuff I suppose falls into that "if you're in circles that know it seems obvious, if not you have no idea it exists" valley.

I should probably clarify that that post wasn't me talking about some imminent risk of AO3 as a platform imploding or disappearing or anything, and nobody needs to start panicking in that regard. I was referring to the current boiling over of a lot of very long term (like, back to when it was founded) institutional/structural/operational issues within the OTW as an org that have been coming out over the past week or so. So me looking at being less solely reliant on AO3 was more a matter of longterm "seems a good idea not to be on just this one platform having these issues" planning and not anything anyone needs to be worried about like, right now.

...and because I know folks not as familiar with this same longterm stuff WILL ask, I'll put a brief summary below the cut for if any of you are curious. However, please be aware, this discussion will by necessity include reference to an incident last year in which OTW volunteers were sent CSEM/CSAM materials as part of a horrendous targeted campaign; while nothing graphic regarding CSA itself is discussed, I mention it here for post filtering and general warning purposes.

So these past couple of months there has been a sustained fan organizing action going on under the name #endOTWracism, which is a specific, targeted attempt at pushing for the OTW to make good on promises they made in 2020 to look at improving their response to racism on their platform. There's an FAQ covering the scope of the action (which ended yesterday, and ran through May) here.

I've been following this with very great interest and it's brought a lot of really good focused discussion out in fan communities, bringing back up a lot of talking points which have historically been shouted down re: the OTW and its poor (one might say "nearly entirely negligent") response to racism in fandom over the span of its existence, and the long standing attempts to get them to address this.

Anyway, one of the posts I especially was recommended that looked at it from the perspective of someone with experience in volunteering and organizing was this post, which takes a look specifically at the issues of how the OTW is structured as an org in a practical, real-world sense. I think it's a great post that brings a really good, grounded approach to the whole issue, looking not just at the big ideas but at how to really run a functioning organisation in a way that is able to be e.g. antiracist. A post like that of course brought in a lot of discussion of... how the OTW is structured and functions day-to-day! That being the topic at hand, and folks wanting to bring their own experiences to the table.

Which, both on that post itself and elsewhere, has uh. Brought some stuff to light that makes even the most hardcore OTW skeptic look like maybe they were overly optimistic. To be quite honest

Some highlights:

Last year, there was a horrendous attack in which OTW volunteers were directly emailed and bombarded with high volumes of CSEM. This was of course horrifically traumatising and scary, and even at the time it was noted that the OTW's response to this was wildly negligent in terms of taking action to safeguard and help their volunteers. Well, it turns out that a) this was an escalation of preexisting issues that the OTW knew about and failed to reasonably address, b) they took a HIDEOUSLY unethical approach to how CSEM distribution attempts were moderated on the platform and just dumped it on one unsupported volunteer who was left horribly burned out by the experience. This post has a good summary and roundup. The fallout from this entire debacle is way too much for me to summarize in full but suffice to say: folks are thinking maybe people should consider not continuing to volunteer for an org that is this unethical and exploitative towards its workforce in a way that directly puts that at serious risk! This is a standpoint I would agree with given there's seemingly also been internal retaliation against the person speaking out! This is terrible! I feel so bad for all these poor volunteers! I have been reading about and fuming regards this situation for two days now and it truly is awful.

There has recently been an instance in which Chinese OTW volunteers got hung out to dry regards their specific work with OTW on Weibo, where it was made clear to them that the org really wasn't interested in any of the work they were doing to engage with and support specifically Chinese fandom. Basically, "we don't really think this is worth doing, and noone involved in the board etc even speaks Chinese, so whatever". This follows an observed and longstanding pattern of higher ups at the OTW undervaluing... basically anyone who isn't part of Western anglophone fandom.

In general, just a LOT of current and past OTW volunteers talking on various platforms about the sheer dysfunction that means things at OTW are deeply incapable of getting basic shit done at best and straight up chew well meaning volunteers up and spit them out at worst. This is basically the nth round of this exact cycle since the OTW began, but in conjunction with the above, it seems to be getting a lot more attention than such things usually do.

This is only some of the stuff that's going on right now but basically, every single issue of internal bullshit the OTW has been accruing as an org for the past ~15 years seems to be blowing up at once, and it's really the first time I've considered that this time it might, in the long run, have a serious impact on the viability of the org in the future. (As things stand: it absolutely should do, because any org that so comprehensively fails the human beings working for it in such an immediate, real life sense needs to make huge immediate changes or fuck right off tbh.)

So that's a bad summary of... SOME of the stuff going on right now. It's a lot. Needless to say.

I wanted to make this post for a couple reasons. One: many folks came into fandom well after the AO3 was just this... site that was there, used by default, and which just sort of operates and you don't think about how. Which is understandable. A person coming into fandom in a post-AO3 world will see the site the same way one sees Twitter or Tumblr or Wattpad; a thing too big and too... default to really concern yourself with the details of how it came to be so big, and used by default. I, personally, have been in online spaces since I was very young, and AO3 launched when I was around sixteen, many years into my experiences with the fandom spaces it came out of. I was around at the time that the OTW and AO3 were proposed, developed and began to expand in scope. I was in circles where folks were talking about this stuff in a very direct way, basically. So I think I have a decent enough sense of context to help lift that veil a little for folks who have no such advantage, and also to help highlight that these are issues years and years in the making, not sudden revelations as they sometimes seem.

Two, because I expect to see many, many folks trying to pass this off as "discourse" or "wank" or "purity culture" in the coming weeks as the fallout continues, and I want dig my ankles in and say if you try that shit on with me I will laugh you off my blog. I think this post makes my opinion fairly clear on where I draw the line between "dumb fandom wank" and "this is not dumb fandom wank, this is serious shit"; it is well before this stuff. So.

tl;dr: I don't know what the OTW will look like in a year or two or five, and this shit has reminded me I shouldn't bank on pretending I do. So, I'm mirroring stuff elsewhere, not because I think the org will collapse, but because maybe the centralization of fandom is overall bad, actually. I encourage folks to consider their own feelings on the topic, since this is as good a reason as any to consider for yourself how you feel about this stuff.

[twofrontteethstillcrooked]

Suptober 28 Oct.: Animal

"Voila," she said, popping a headband with fuzzy, pointy black ears on his head before he could even think to stop her. She seemed to admire the effect, eyes alight. "Yes, you're a perfect black cat." 

deancas au

"What are you going to be for Halloween?" When she asked, the costume shop sales clerk tipped her head, which showed off a row of spiders that ran up the curve of her ear. The rhinestone earrings were not quite as distracting as the anticipation in her expression, like she really wanted to know Cas's answer.

"Animal," Cas said, feeling unsettled for no good reason. "An animal of some sort." Halloween wasn't his favorite thing.

"Ah." According to the tag, the clerk's name was Bea. "I have just the thing for you." She winked, pushed away from the counter, and walked around Cas, close enough most of her body brushed against his. She smiled over her shoulder and kept walking.

Cas followed with reluctance. He caught a glimpse of Sam talking to a teenager in an aisle with a lot of brightly colored wigs, and he could hear Dean talking with the owner about werewolves. Cas frowned, if only because it didn't seem like the most subtle approach to the investigation; after a few more seconds, it was obvious the owner thought Dean was joking. 

In aisle twelve, Cas caught up to Bea. She was halfway down, reaching up to pull something off a fixture. 

"Voila," she said, popping a headband with fuzzy, pointy black ears on his head before he could even think to stop her. She seemed to admire the effect, eyes alight. "Yes, you're a perfect black cat." 

Wearing the headband was surprisingly uncomfortable. Cas had a flash of remembrance, of being strapped down in any number of heavenly torture chambers, empyrean needles spinning as they came closer.

He shook off that hideousness by removing the headband and pretending to admire the trim on the ears. "I'm not sure this is my style," he said hesitantly. "Would I have to buy a whole, um, catsuit?"

Bea's smile grew wider, slyer. "You could." Her tone said she wished he would. "But you could also just put on a black long-sleeved t-shirt and the headband and call it a day. Costumes can be as casual or complicated as you like."

Cas aimed for polite if not encouraging. "Well, thank you. I'll think about it."

"Sure," she said, passing by too closely again. "Let me know if I can help with anything else. There's a whole aisle of animals to choose from." She managed to make it sound far sexier than the costumes in the immediate vicinity, most of which looked like mangled puppets flattened into plastic packaging.

As soon as she was out of the aisle, Cas let out a long breath. He put the headband on the hook with the others like it, and noticed the price tag. $14 for fake cat ears. He knew at least one witch who regularly bought real cat ears for a far more reasonable price.

He was puzzling over a hat shaped like a fluffy orange chicken when Dean wandered into the aisle and, using his exaggerated covert routine, started scrutinizing an assortment of tails: tiger, lion, bear, fox.

"Kinky," Dean said under his breath. He bumped his arm against Cas. "I think Sam's making some progress with the other kid who was working that night." 

Before Cas could respond to this information, Bea rounded down the aisle. Her zeal evaporated immediately as she laid eyes on Dean.

"Oh," she said. She looked back and forth between Dean and Cas. "Ohhh. Right." She grinned. "Never mind."

Cas didn't have time to respond to any of that either. She'd moved past them in an instant.

Out of the side of his mouth Dean said, "What was that about?"

Cas perceived Dean's full body hiccup but chose not to comment on it. "She thought I should be a cat for Halloween."

Dean opened his mouth. Closed it. A moment later: "You're dressing up for Halloween?"

"No," Cas said. "Considering we're in a costume shop in mid October, she can probably be forgiven for making assumptions."

"Right." Dean scrutinized the furry glove offerings on display with the intensity of someone who might actually purchase some. He was also once again patently ignoring his own dictates about personal space. "Hey. Halloween: you, me, extreme mac-n-cheese, and the all-day Shocker marathon." He looked at Cas and lowered his voice. "If we're not still dealing with, y'know, whatever we're dealing with, case-wise." 

"Where's Sam going to be?" Cas asked.

Dean rolled his eyes. "He doesn't like Halloween or scary movies. He's not invited." 

"I'm honored, then, to pass muster." Cas knew that a poker face here was key to pulling off the sarcasm, but it was hard not to react to Dean's smile. He liked seeing it.

They stood there looking at each other for another moment before Dean broke eye contact to keep perusing the furry gloves. 

Bea, strolling by, turned around and walked backwards for a few steps toward the end of the aisle. "If you happen to be looking for a Halloween costume," she said to Dean, "that chicken hat he's got would look fantastic on you." She fired off some finger guns at him and twirled around to exit.

Dean narrowed his eyes at her retreating form. "She must not work on a commission."

"Probably not." Cas plopped the chicken hat on Dean's head. "But she also doesn't know we've been dating for weeks."

"Do these feathers bring out my eyes?" 

"They do," Cas had to concede. 

This time, he didn't bother to pretend like he didn't want to smile back.

[the-consortium]

Dear Doctor Bile.

Have you heard of halloween? It used to be a classic old terran tradition, where people would wear "scary" costumes and distributes treats to the youth. It has passed this year, but I need to know, what would have been your costume? Also, what is your favorite sweet treat?

A new approach. Not so obvious and therefore perhaps less likely to provoke immediate resistance.

Two things define the nature of the Chief Apothecary: the search for new knowledge and the passing on of knowledge. He pursues both with equal passion and perfection.

It is fair to say that pedagogy is not one of his interests and he has little patience to explain things more than once. His approach to teaching is more practical anyway and he expects from his students the same enthusiasm and willingness for self-exploitation in terms of science that he himself possesses. Which means that if you ask him questions, you'd better be prepared to have understood everything after the first time before he gets bored.

Saqqara intends to take advantage of that. A quick question thrown in. And then just grab the answer and figuratively run away with it before he knows exactly what he's just answered. And very dependent on what mood Fabius is in at the time. Fortunately, Saqqara is very empathetic and has learnt to read the Chief Apothecary's moods.

" … I don't want to worry about that at all. Send Savona off after it, then she and those useless freeloaders under her command will get some exercise. And have Oleander set off to organise the tissue sample I requested. Let him take Khorag with him so that we look friendlier."

Fabius doesn't slow down, energetically making his way to one of the war mutant pens. Saqqara trots along behind him, making mental notes. Today he is obviously in a secretarial role. That can be put to good use. The Word Bearer clears his throat, comments as casually as possible. "Ah yes, tissue samples. Of course. But just as an aside - what do you think about old Terran holidays where people dress strangely? Something like Halloween?"

The Chief Apothecary slows down for a moment, looks at Saqqara as if a bird on a spring has just hopped out of the Diabolist's forehead, then turns round again and says as he walks away: "What can I say to that? I live with brothers who always dress as hideously as possible. Or undress. My whole life is Halloween." - "You wouldn't want to dress up for historical reasons?"

The Chief Apothecary laughs dryly. "Saqqara, what are you suggesting? We are monsters! All of us. We don't need to masquerade." - "That's a very fatalistic view." - "Have you forgotten who you're walking with?"

Saqqara shrugs his shoulders and endeavours to catch up with Fabius, who is already several steps ahead again. "You're right about that, of course."

[skewbforty]

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

I just wish my father didn't hate me for not being an extremist left wing. I went through a period where I was so sick of being the only centralist I knew besides my gf, that I was begging people to give me advice on how to not be a centralist anymore. It's the loneliest shit. Thing about being me is that I don't want to get triggered every time I see misandry, and trust me, nowadays on the internet... There's plenty of it. But I hate transphobia too, I think it's disgusting. We're just trying to be happy in a world that for the most part doesn't care about us. After a while you start to think... "I have stopped caring about right or wrong. I just want to be happy. And if getting high on saying "toxic masculinity" will help me with that then so be it."

So here's me, begging people to make me woke so I can be accepted in this hideously unbalanced society. Pretty all of them said "You can't, don't try to be someone you're not. That's not the way to happiness." So all I can really do is accept that... Well not that everyone hates me, but that everyone WOULD hate me if they got to know me. And all this while I suffer from RSD. There's a reason I'm terrified of making friends.

My father tho? Just ranted at me about how we live in a patriarchy and gave me really useless advice on how to change. He doesn't care about my happiness. He just wants me to change to fit his agenda. He cares more about that me, that much is obvious.

And it's not like I can just find like-minded people. I've searched pretty much since I've been on the internet, every cry for help resulting in me getting bullied and stalked by TERFs.

I'm not tagging this post because I can't risk that happening again, but to anyone reading this who's actually level headed enough to see where I'm coming from here without getting blinded by rage... Do you know a way out of this mess for me? I'm kinda at my wits end. Have been for 8 years.

[alicesought]

“P-please… L-leave me alone…” (;3c)

Hypnosis starters oh no. || 🐇

♡♠♢♣    ⁀  Hush.  Hush.  He  taps  his  finger  to  his  lips.

"  I'm  not  hurting  you.  I'm  not  going  to  hurt  you,  Angie.  No,  no,  no--  This  isn't  hurting  you.  "  Was  there  something  in  the  tea  again?  Probably.  Whatever  it  was,  however,  was  not  the  same  substance  as  the  first  time.  No  hallucinations,  no  imagination  running  wild,  no--  this  one  seemed  to  severely  dull  the  mind  instead.  Which  means  it  was  likely  meant  to  drastically  reduce  hypnotic  resistance.  Never  a  good  sign.

This  was  no  repeated  mistake.  The  look  in  his  eyes  was  different  now,  driven  like  a  steam  train  with  anxiety,  perfectly  aware  of  who  he  was  talking  to  if  only  too  erratic  to  think  straight.  Panicked,  desperate--  don't  you  understand?  Nothing  leaves  his  grasp  without  claw  marks  on  it.  Even  if  he's  hurt  it--  especially  if  he  ever  hurt  it.  It  was  something  nearly  new  to  experience--  you  can't  lose  something  you  don't  have.  He's  never  had  a  friend  like  her  try  to  leave--  not  like  this.  Not  so  abruptly,  so  hideously,  not  in  such  a  way  that  it  felt  like  rusted  nails  yanked  from  his  skin.  If  it  was  his  fault  then  he  must  fix  it.      Let  him  fix  it!      Every  single  mention  of  that  tea  party  they  shared,  the  way  she  wouldn't  so  much  as  bend  in  her  perception,  scraping  against  the  memories  he  denied--  it  was  like  digging  her  little  fingers  into  an  open  wound!  All  at  once  compulsion  surge  through  his  very  veins,  searing  like  chemical  burns  as  his  mental  dissonance  collapses,  causing  his  head  to  swim,  his  mind  to  plead  bargains.  

You  can  make  this  stop.  You  can.  You  have  the  power.  She  isn't  behaving  correctly,  this  isn't  right.  None  of  this  is  right.  The  wrong  must  be  righted.  You  can  make  her  right.  You  can  make  her  behave.  

"  I-I'm  going  to  fix  this.  I'm  going  to  fix  this.  Don't  worry...  "  His  trembling  voice  kindly  reasoned,  his  piercing  stare  deadlocked  onto  hers.  Eyes  that  were  wide,  unnaturally  dilated  and  difficult  to  look  away  from,  meeting  them  for  mere  glances  felt  like  risking  sinking  into  them.  Could  it  be  more  obvious  in  the  tension  in  his  voice  that  he  didn't  want  to  do  this?  But  something  was  wrong  in  his  Wonderland,  horribly  wrong,  and  she  was  the  source  of  it.  If  he  can  just  make  her  see  things  the  way  he  does,  no  matter  what  anyone  tells  her,  no  matter  what  anyone  says--  "  I'll  make  things  right!  I  can,  I  can--  Be  still,  don't  fight--  look  at  me!  ANGIE.  If  you  won't  look  into  my  eyes  then  listen,  listen  to  my  voice,  dear--  Please...  I  will  put  your  mind  at  ease...  I  will  free  you  of  that  wicked  thought  that  separates  us...  I  won't  let  you  feel  an  ounce  of  fear  or  stress,  no  more  duress...  just  warm  hug  days  and  happiness...  We  are  going  to  be  the  BEST  of  friends  again,  just...  let  yourself  fall...  "    

[macarensesangles]

i realized men in the victorian era carried around moustache combs, some of which were kind of eye-wateringly expensive (i saw one in an article that apparently sold for the victorian equivalent of $75?????)

i think the artist obviously has one and it’s hideously expensive. apparently OVERgrooming one’s stache was the sign of a dandy, and i dont think the artist is quite that effeminate, but he definitely straddles the line when it comes to his stache grooming habits.

i think the composer probably carries a women’s comb, for obvious reasons.

the rake might own a comb for brushing his hair out after it’s washed but for the most part i think he just uses his hands to style and detangle his hair and lets god sort out the rest.

[renee00124]

*I WILL NOT BE SILENT AS A SITTING DUCK INSIDE MY HOME!

For obvious reasons, this blog was trashed and thought deleted by the unified, hideously CORRUPT OPERATION set up around me. This resulted in my creating it as a Google Doc link. When you open the link you will clearly understand why those involved in the heinous, high-tech targeting program across the U.S.A. worked so hard to destroy it.

https://youarenotmybigbrother.blog/2021/04/01/usaf-kill-orders-x-marks-the-spot/

[adamwatchesmovies]

Strange but True (2019)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

There are so many movies out there. You can understand why someone would latch onto a new idea or story. Here’s the thing. Sometimes, it isn’t that no one’s thought of your premise before; it’s that no one’s been stupid enough to push through with it. This is the case with 2019's Strange but True.

Still reeling from the death of her son five years ago, Charlene Chase (Amy Ryan) doesn't know what to think when his girlfriend, Melissa (Margaret Qualley), announces she’s 36 weeks pregnant with Ronnie's baby. Ronnie’s younger brother, Philip (Nick Robinson) starts wondering if maybe there isn’t some truth to the story.

The premise is so outlandish, your mind begins thinking of all the ways Melissa could've become pregnant. Aliens? some kind of demonic ritual? an elaborate ruse? Basically, anything but the most obvious and stupidest possibility: impregnated by a ghost. Normally, you’d be right along for the ride as Charlene begins investigating but she’s insufferable. You hate her right away and grief or not, you dislike her more with every scene. Her first assumption is that Melissa somehow got doctors to extract sperm from Ronnie (Connor Jessup), had them frozen and then impregnated herself years later for… reasons. I’ve heard of playing the long con but even the Count of Monte Cristo would’ve given up with this one. It makes no sense, even with Melissa's dubious mental state. You don’t subscribe to the idea of something paranormal either. Or maybe you will. The tense intro scene where Philip is desperately running away from someone - or something - tells you this movie’s all about the thrills.

But this movie is NOT about thrills or any kind of horror. Well, except when it is but for the most part, this is a much weepier film than you’d expect from the setup. Ronnie’s accidental death caused his parents to divorce. It obviously did a number on Melissa, who swears she’s never been with another man but him (oooooooh!). Philip had big dreams but without his big brother, he soon gave up on them. Even Gail (Blythe Danner) and Bill (Brian Cox), the kindly old couple who agree to harbor Melissa, spend much time confessing their sadness over never being able to conceive. All the flashbacks to the night of the accident should make your heart as heavy as theirs, but you don’t care. All you want to know is how dumb this movie’s mystery is going to get.

If the rest of the film was poorly conceived, it’s got nothing on the conclusion. Melissa’s baby did not come from Ronnie’s ghost. She was drugged and raped by Bill. Luckily for him, she’s gullible enough to believe in a supernatural explanation. Eventually, his luck runs out, however. Gail discovers what happened and one thing leads to another until she dies. He tries to cover up his crimes by going kill-crazy but gives up and offs himself. The truth never comes out. Melissa and the Chase family warmly welcome the baby into their lives. There are some deeply sinister implications with that ending. What’s the moral of this movie supposed to be?

Although Strange But True becomes hideously misguided towards the end, the performances are pretty good. Amy Ryan excels at being loathsome. I also must credit it for keeping the audience engaged all the way through. This makes it one of the worst films of 2019 but among the upper end of the bottom 10. (October 25, 2020)

[michaelgogins]

Homelessness/Housing

In California a few years ago, visiting friends in Albany just north of Berkeley, I walked to the Berkeley marina and just around the corners of some side streets I saw many parked motorhomes and recreational vehicles. People, obviously, were living in them.

Now the news is that Los Angeles also has this (to the tune of 40,000 people) and the mayor, Karen Bass, is saying she will do something about it. She mentions tents, and I saw those too in Berkeley, but what strikes me is the motorhomes.

Let's pause here a moment and think. One -- not the only one, but a major one -- of the underlying causes here is the sheer cost of housing. In real money, the cost of housing has almost doubled while, at the same, real income is stagnant. But motorhomes, recreational vehicles, camper vans, travel trailers (I saw all of these too) are much cheaper than zoned housing. For many reasons, not least of which is "not in my back yard," which ends up enforcing class and race segregation.

One might well ask, how come there are people who don't have houses to live, in but do have motorhomes to live in? I didn't do a controlled study but the obvious hypothesis is: simply because motorhomes are cheaper.

So I have a modest suggestion. There should be a national law permitting manufactured housing, including motorhomes and travel trailers, in residential neighborhoods and, perhaps, in specially zoned neighborhoods. Such a law would evoke howls of outrage: "Ugly! Dirty! Unsafe! Not in keeping with the character of the neighborhood!"

"Ugly" is a question of taste, but the law could deal with it by banning features widely felt to be ugly and requiring some widely felt to be attractive. "Dirty" can be dealt with by installing the requisite hookups, or even by having a public utility to come by periodically with a service truck for gas and sewage. "Unsafe" is simply not true. "Not in keeping with the character of the neighborhood" would, of course, usually be true.

There's no political capital right now for such a law, and the rich will always find some way of keeping this stuff out of their view, but something has to give.

Up to now, trailer parks are, indeed, usually kind of trashy. But there are increasingly attractive manufactured homes, tiny homes, container houses, and, yes, motorhomes.

So when overpopulation (yes, that's also a major cause of this) and climate change (up to a billion people will have to move in the next 50-100 years -- where to, pray tell, and where will they then live?) increase the pressure on housing prices even further --

The law should and probably will change to permit manufactured housing, if it meets certain standards, in more places including in many current residential zones.

Currently within 200 miles of my Zip code (13740) one may buy new or used motor homes within a price range of $50,000 to $200,000. Most of these things are small and, unfortunately, hideously ugly. But, they don't have to be ugly.

And, they are homes you can live in!

Manufactured housing can be bought for similar prices, is bigger, and is somewhat better looking. This, too, does not have to be ugly. There is a "designer" variety of manufactured housing. And it doesn't always cost a whole lot more than ordinary ugly old modular homes.

[emmaharrows]

[emo-firespirit]

purecacao is honestly so weird as a crk ship because it’s like. it’s fine, I guess, in theory. it’s cute, I suppose, if you wanted to make it work. the art people make of it is neat (sometimes). but the level of popularity it has as something a large collective of people have put time and effort into when pv and cacao have literally never been shown in canon speaking is indicative of a larger problem within the cr fandom. a problem which is that people can and will ignore women and wlw as hard as they physically can to ship two men who have never spoken together. and that’s not even mentioning the barrage of other issues present as to how people portray cacao and pv

it was just...bound to happen. pv is shorter, more feminine, and lighter (although he is not white). cacao is taller, black, and also much more masculine. do I even need to explain how fetishized a ship like this is gonna be become in the larger conscious fanon? not only is pv already sexualized to hell and back for being a gnc man as is, we also have to pile the way people hypersexualize cacao in relation to him and I’m so sick of tired of seeing purecacao art that does this kind of shit.

the cr fandom is already hideously racist enough as it is and also notorious for trying to pretend the devs don’t have a long history of the same issues, of villainizing their dark skinned characters, of rampant orientalism and just overall shittiness. I’ve seen so much stupidly disgusting art of these two on twitter and tumblr, where so many fans insistent on portraying cacao as domineering, almost aggressive and suave. you know who you are, people who only talk about cacao in hypersexualized terms and call him d/lf and act like pv is his personal toy. do you know who the fuck you’re talking about? mr. “I don’t know how to laugh”, the guy who would rather isolate himself than deal with his problems, the guy who has depression and literally lives off the principle that wanton destruction is dishonorable and a blasphemy to the cause to protect others?

(none of this is even taking into account the way people portray pure vanilla when they do whitewash him—it’s pretty obvious yall wanna indulge in some white savior fantasies when you do that)

if we’re going solely off theoretical ideas as to why the ancients would be compatible, hollyberry is a far more acceptable symbolic pair for cacao than pv is. she has kids, she suffers from the same flavor of moral hang ups as he does (she was also ensnared by the burdens of family and desired to escape such things, only to realize in the end that she needed to take up her mantle again and that she was overall worthy of doing so) and she also has like. A rivalry with a dragon? like c’mon, you can’t deny how funny it’d be for pitaya to whine to hb about how cacao refuses to engage with them and their dumb stupid dragon desires of being hit in the head by a really Large weapon. like he’s tired of dragons. if pitaya was a real threat he would have killed them already

that’s not even mentioning another reason why so many people ship purecacao besides what I already said here—so many of you hate white lily and have the most misogynistic takes on her character (insisting she’s abusive, manipulating pure vanilla, etc.), or just, like, refuse to engage with female characters in media because they get in the way of your precious yaoi mlm gay ships. like I’m sorry, she’s not evil, she’s a victim of circumstance at best and a morally grey person who killed a few headmasters at worst. cacao has arguably caused more harm to others than she has because he’s been letting his entire kingdom starve and has been neglecting those who have trusted him to protect them (but that’s a post for another day, but it’s not like cacao isn’t a deeply sympathetic character otherwise. it’d be untrue to say the story is not set on making him out to be a good person). you just want an excuse to demonize a female character for doing what the male characters have always been doing and you’re not being slick about it! (This is specifically aimed at the not insignificant number of people who want to or have tried to write white lily out of the story and give cacao her role. like, I’m sorry but none of the ancients hate white lily, pure vanilla doesn’t hate white lily and cacao sure as hell does not hate white lily. stop trying to pretend that this is the case)

(and yes, I’m aware cacao is black and white lily is. well, lol, white. my point here isn’t on how the fandom treats white lily vs how they treat cacao outside of shipping dynamics, it’s on how (mostly nonblack, mostly fujo) misogynistic weirdos will go out of their way to ignore her to fetishize the fuck out of cacao. just because cacao is being shipped with another man of color does not mean he is being treated well by the people doing so—don’t try to fucking argue that lmao, fetishization is not representation. there’s another conversation to be had on the status of ships with black characters in cr but that’s not what this post is about.)

it’s just. yall, I’m tired. I’m tired of this fandom and your consistent and persistent ignorance of wlw. im tired of y’all pretending women shouldn’t exist if you don’t like them, im tired of your racist bullshit and I’m tired of decent ideas like two old men being in love being twisted into something in furtherance of fetishizing mlm, black men, and feminine gnc men. im tired of how much you all hate women and refuse to make content for them or even acknowledge them as complex people worthy of the same introspective dissection and character depth as the fanon personalities you’ve made up in your minds for your favorite male characters. it’s pretty obvious why pv x cacao is the premiere ancient ship that involves two characters who haven’t talked to each as compared to, say, golden cheese x hollyberry, you know?

this isn’t a post on why I hate purecacao or think it’s a bad ship btw, because I know there’s gonna be people who will not read this entire thing and pretend like I hate the ship when I dont. I don’t want this to be seen as such, I just want to finally get this off my chest. I just want to finally get off my chest the feelings I have on the hideous amounts of racism and misogyny present in one of the most popular crk ships, which is only growing more and more popular with the recent update.

so like? if you ship purecacao, fine. more power to you. congrats. but maybe ask examine yourself (especially if you’re white and/or male aligned) how you are most likely being influenced to produce subtly racist content, and how your discussion (or lack thereof) of the women in cr is most likely indicative of the fact you have misogyny to work out.

[ijustwant2write]

A Secret Romantic-Benedict Bridgerton x Reader x Eloise Bridgerton (Platonic) (Part 2)

(GIF credit to @elenawinchstr)

Part 1

Masterlist

Tags: @marvel-ousnesss @myficplace @yelenas-lova @lavxnder @s-unflowxr 

Summary: Benedict and Eloise both anticipate Lady (Y/N)’s social event, as does their mother, causing tensions to rise and panic to ensue. Benedict doesn’t want his mother ruining what he may have with (Y/N), asking Eloise for her help, who gladly plays the role of a good sister.

Characters: Benedict Bridgerton x Reader, Eloise Bridgerton x Reader (platonic), mentions of Anthony Bridgerton and Violet Bridgerton

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

(Y/L/N)=Your last name

Warnings: Fluff, fluff, fluff

                                   *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Benedict hastily moved around the house, avoiding his mama at all costs. She called out his name repeatedly, growing frustrated at his childish manner. He was supposed to discuss a plan with her about how he should prepare to court Lady (Y/N), but he knew better; his mama knew nothing of (Y/N) (he admitted, he still had much to learn about her too), and he didn’t want his chance to slip away. Although he was confident at her house when he called upon her, there was a sickening doubt looming in his mind that if he did anything wrong, another suitor could easily take his place.

“You have no where else to hide brother.” Anthony smirked, his eyes skimming over the top of his newspaper.

Benedict sighed, accepting defeat. She would find him in a matter of minutes, especially since Anthony’s office was the last place she would look. 

“Please, just let me stay her for a few moments.” Benedict begged.

Anthony chuckled, putting down the papers as he reclined in his chair.“Oh dear, I see things are turning serious quite quickly.”

“Yes, which wouldn’t be a problem if mama wasn’t making this such a big ordeal.”

“But it is to her.”

Benedict knew this.“I know that, because someone hasn’t found a woman to marry, so it then falls onto my shoulders.”

“I haven’t seen you so anxious before. Sit down, try to relax.”

Benedict took his offer, practically collapsing into the chair on the other side of the desk. Anthony stood, pouring out a drink each and handing one to Benedict. Though not one to drink in the early afternoon, he gladly sipped at it, wishing he would just calm down.

“Besides mama, what is going on in that head of yours?” Anthony asked. 

He genuinely wanted to help. He felt a slight guilt knowing that his mama was more excited about this possible partnership, seeing as he never gave her the satisfaction of even socialising with women. 

“I worry that I may not be enough for (Y/N).” he said.“Of course, I have talked to women, I know the right things to say, but I also know that I will not want to engage in further conversation. Whereas with (Y/N), she intrigues me, so much that even after we danced and talked for hours, I still felt like I hardly spent any time with her. I thought about every word I said, listened intently to everything that poured out of her mouth. There are no other women like her.”

Anthony didn’t speak for a few seconds.“You should write poems alongside your art work.”

Benedict groaned, about to stand when Anthony stopped him.

“I am teasing you brother. Look, it’s extremely obvious that you have fallen for this woman. Putting feelings aside for a moment, she also comes from a well off family with a respectable background, so you’ve done very well in that department. This art exhibition will allow me to also see what Lady (Y/N) and her family are like, as well as keep mama away from you both as much as I can.”

“You would do that for me?”

“You seem shocked. I will pretend not to be offended.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I know that you too do not like to be....bothered by mama at these events. No doubt she’ll talk to you about my potential courtship all night.”

The door opened as he finished speaking, Violet popping her head in. Her smile widened when she saw both her sons in the same room, now able to speak with them both about Lady (Y/N). Anthony and Benedict shared a look, knowing they would be there for some time.

Elsewhere in the house, Eloise was suffering through a conversation with Hyacinth. As Daphne had to endure, Hyacinth was questioning her older sister, wanting to know everything there was to know about the balls they attended. She wanted to make sure she had all the knowledge she needed when it was her turn to debut. They never spoke of these things in front of her or Gregory and she wanted all the answers. However, Eloise was not revealing anything, and making it seems that everything to do with debuting was awful.

“Go away and pester somebody else.” Eloise huffed as she descended the stairs away from her sister.

“Why are you always so mean to me? I’m just asking questions!” Hyacinth protested.

Eloise felt guilty, especially since Hyacinth was still young and didn’t understand many things about the world yet.“I’m sorry, but I’m not the best person to ask these questions.”

“Why don’t you want to get married?”

“If I explain, you won’t understand.”

“Yes I will!”

“You won’t Hyacinth.”

“You’re so mean!”

The young girl stomped off, having a tantrum to herself. Eloise did feel bad for being so snappy with her sister, but she really didn’t like talking about these things, doing all she could to avoid it where possible. It just made her feel miserable. And who wants to dote on a topic that eliminates all happiness from them?

However, Eloise did find that she was excited about the art exhibition. She was curious as to how (Y/N) and her brother’s encounter would go. For a moment, she felt like her mama. It sent shudders down her spine. It was nice to have the pressure and attention off of her, and to see her brothers in the spotlight. She knew too many friends with brothers who had it easier than the women of the family. Of course they had certain expectations, but Eloise did not see any men parading around in uncomfortable, tight dresses, with over the top embellishments and feathers. 

The remaining days leading up to the art exhibition were filled with dress and suit fittings, lessons on the (Y/L/N) family, and making sure everyone knew how important this day could be. Benedict grew more and more nervous as it approached, his mama making him realise that this could be a turning point in his life. Before this was all about him being excited to see (Y/N), to be in her company again, now it was as if he was proposing to her.

Eloise stepped out into the garden, welcoming the warmth that was still lingering at this time of night. She couldn’t sleep, knowing what was on her mind, but not wanting to admit it. She wasn’t surprised to see Benedict already on the swing set, secretly smoking as they had both done before. A small smile appeared on her face as she approached him, making sure to create some sort of noise as to not startle him.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one being kept awake.” she said as she sat down.

“I haven’t even tried to sleep yet.” Benedict said before inhaling through his cigarette again.

“Is someone nervous?” she wasn’t teasing him, she was concerned.

“Yes.” he surprisingly said.“I’m nervous because mother has made me believe everything is depending on this next meeting. Yet she forgets how long Daphne took to decide who she was marrying.”

“You shouldn’t be nervous.”

“And why is that?”

“Because (Y/N) likes you.” 

Benedict chuckled."Ah, I forgot you were the expert on such topics."

"I may not know a lot about...feelings and love, but I am not a fool. I saw the way your eyes lit up when you first saw her. (Y/N) was practically speechless too. But not like the other women who fawn over the Bridgerton name, she actually liked you for your face, for some reason. I don't know, it just seemed that there was something natural between you."

"Eloise Bridgerton, what a doting thing to say."

"I am trying to be nice to you brother."

"I know. And I appreciate it, but...I feel at ease with (Y/N), and I don't like the thought of mother's eyes burning into the back of my head. Anthony has said that he will do what he can to help, but I fear that mother will not be totally distracted by him. She’ll know his sudden interest will be fake.”

Eloise had an idea, and even if she didn’t want to go through with it, she knew it would help Benedict.“I will regret saying this, but I shall help too. I will make sure mama is paying attention to me, I’ll let her drag me around and indulge in hideously, dull conversations.”

Benedict had been shocked for the second time that day. Two of his siblings, both detesting the thought of marriage, had offered to suffer through this social event in order to give him time with (Y/N).

“What has happened to you two today?” Benedict asked.

“We are merely being charitable. Hopefully you return the favour in future. God knows I’ll be in need of saving soon.”

(Y/N) was all a flutter on the morning of the exhibition. Her mother had bought a new dress just for this, wanting to impress the Bridgerton family, prepping their halls and rooms for the exhibition for the last week. (Y/N)’s father was proud of what he had created, and that his daughter may be on her way to marrying a family who were held highly in their society. (Y/N) couldn’t focus at all, relieved that her maids were the ones in charge of getting her dressed and ready for the day; if left to her own devices, she surely would have put her dress on backwards. 

Guests streamed in, but (Y/N) was only on the lookout for one person. She remained polite, trying to stay in the moment as more and more people arrived. However, she still kept an eye out for Benedict, also staying on her toes. She had many things in mind to say to him, and she wanted to keep them in her mind. There was no way she was going to humiliate herself. 

Her heart started beating a thousand times faster when she saw Benedict enter the main hall, the one holding the biggest and most expensive pieces of art. She smiled, and somehow it grew even bigger when he made eye contact with him. His smile was so sweet, it made you fall for his charms even more. Benedict felt his stomach twist in anticipation, desperate to have just a few moments with (Y/N). Alas, that did not come when his mama latched onto his arm, steering him in (Y/N)’s direction. Although he wanted to speak with her, he found it all rather forceful, especially when (Y/N)’s parents suddenly appeared behind her.

Formal introductions were made, each set of parents making small talk about the last time they were in each others company. (Y/N) and Benedict were silent, nodding along with what was being said as they sneaked glances at each other. The conversation was dragging for them, they knew their parents wanted to figure out if this could be a potential arrangement. It didn’t seem that they were going to stop talking at any point, neither child wanting to be rude, until Eloise intruded.

“Pardon me,” she started, sending a subtle smile to Benedict,“mama, I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“Ah, another Bridgerton. The next daughter to find a suitor, I presume?” (Y/N)’s mother beamed.

Eloise hid the urge to frown. Luckily her mother stepped in.“Yes, this is Eloise. I’m sorry darling, I did not mean to leave you stranded.”

“Yes, well, shall we?” Eloise tugged at her mother’s arm.

“Alright dear. It was lovely to see you both again.” 

As Violet eagerly followed Eloise, (Y/N)’s parents also dispersed. Benedict and (Y/N) were now finally together, just as they had wished; so why did it suddenly feel awkward?

“Well, that seemed to easy.” Benedict cleared his throat.

“What was?” (Y/N) asked.

“Getting rid of them.” he grinned, holding out his arm.

(Y/N) smiled back, happy to hold onto him.“I was trying to come up with something to say that would not be rude, but would also mean we could leave. I hope that it wasn’t obvious I wanted to leave.”

“Even if it was, I doubt they would care too much. We both know they are over excited.”

“Oh how right you are. I’m assuming your mother has been acting the same as mine this whole week?”

“Overbearing? Overthinking? Over-”

(Y/N) giggled.“Yes, yes, I do not wish to dote on the memory. I am happy that you are here though Benedict.”

“You are?”

“I am.”

The pair’s arms stayed linked as (Y/N) guided Benedict around the art work. Sometimes they joined other conversations, though liked to keep to themselves. It was easy to bond over artwork, especially since it was a passion both of them had. There were no pauses or silences after a few minutes of talking, conversation flowed naturally between them. Men and women also searching for suitors were jealous; a Bridgerton boy had been swept up all too quickly and (Y/N) had been a popular choice amongst the men. However, people could not deny they made a fitting pair.

"Come, let me show you something." (Y/N) muttered to Benedict, easily slipping away from the crowds and leaving the room.

"We really shouldn't be alone (Y/N)." Benedict said, even though this was all he had been wanting.

(Y/N) had a cheeky smile on her face as she tugged on his arm, her steps gradually getting quicker. Benedict didn't even take in her elaborate house, only looking at her beautiful face every time she glanced up at him. They stopped before two grand doors, which (Y/N) cautiously opened, slipping inside with Benedict close behind her.

In the middle of the room was a huge painting covered by a fine piece of cloth. Benedict was confused why (Y/N) brought him to this, until she let go of his hand (him instantly missing the feeling), and theatrically pulled the piece of fabric down. Benedict's jaw dropped as the piece was revealed. He had never seen a painting like it.

It was a large, landscape painting of a ballroom. It captured dancing pairs in the middle of some sort of waltz, musicians huddled in the corner whilst the other guests stood watching; and it was so intricate, Benedict guessed it must have taken the artist months to complete it. All the colours, the detail, it almost looked real.

"This is amazing." he breathed out.

(Y/N) was happy when she saw Benedict's shock."Isn't it? It's supposed to be revealed later, but I wanted to see your expression properly."

"Who painted it?"

"I don't know. Father said he is going to inform everyone later, but it is a new artist. I just think they're work is dazzling to look at. I become mesmerised."

Benedict's focus changed back to (Y/N)."Yes, that does tend to happen."

She didn't notice that he was referring to her, nodding along in agreement. Her smile faltered slightly, which Benedict was able to see immediately.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he neared her, hating the gap that was created

(Y/N) covered her slip up, as her mother had told her."I'm sorry, it's really nothing..." she started, but found herself relaxed, and wanting to tell Benedict all her problems."It's only that...I used to paint frequently, well, I sketched more, though I enjoyed both. Like all girls, my mother told me to stop that and focus on becoming the most desired lady in society. I shouldn't have even told you about that when we first met."

"That's what made me desire you (Y/N)."

She blushed, realising how intense his gaze was."Oh, Lord Bridgerton-"

"What's with all the formalities all of a sudden?"

"I-I don't know. I don't want to ruin anything and it's only our second meeting. Third if you count when you called upon me."

"And I called upon you for a very good reason."

"I was wishing that everyone else would leave, so I could spend more time with you."

Benedict loved hearing her say that."As did I."

Subconsciously they had moved closer, though they both knew what they were doing. Benedict reached down to tenderly hold her hands, causing her heart to beat erratically. (Y/N) had no idea what to do, she only had experience from the books she read. It seemed simple enough to kiss someone, but also the hardest thing in the world. How much pressure should she apply? How long should they kiss for? Where would she put her hands? Where would he put his hands? She didn't have anytime to think as he was already leaning in towards her.

Eloise and Anthony were finding it extremely hard to keep the fake smiles plastered on their faces. Benedict was really in for it once this was all over. Their mama had kept a tight grip on them both, because as soon as they saw their chance to flee, they would. Both had to suffer through extremely long, boring and repetitive conversations, listening to parents boast about their children's achievements. Everyone knew how this worked, yet they all had to pretend to be happy about it.

"Where is Benedict? He's been away for a long time." their mama pondered as they took a break for refreshments.

"He's probably wooing Lady (Y/N), just as you wanted." Eloise slurped on her drink.

"Do not fret mother, he knows what he's doing. He truly likes her and will be doing all he can to...well, yes, woo her." Anthony said.

"I suppose you are right. It feels strange that one of my children are making an effort for once."

Eloise huffed."Oh, do not chastise us mama. We've been doing this all afternoon, haven't we?"

Violet squinted her eyes at them, suspicious that they were up to something. She was about to question it, but stopped herself. They were doing what she always wanted, finding someone to spend their future with. She wouldn't jeopardise that. Lucky for them, a servant announced that Lord (Y/L/N) requested for everyone's presence inside. The guests were intrigued, following orders and grabbing full glasses of whatever quenched their thirst. Eloise and Anthony had got away with their plan for now, they just hoped Benedict and (Y/N) had had enough time together. 

[ask-certifiably-human-bill]

HEY YALL!!!

So.  I didn’t want to break the immersion of the story blah blah blah but i think it’s about time to maybe.  Clarify? Some things?

If it wasn’t obvious, I love Bill.  He’s a dastardly little fella and he owns a part of my heart.  It’s obvious quite a few of you have the same or similar experience!  He’s a fun character, and I’m so glad y’all enjoy him and what i do with his character here!

Let us not forget, however, he is an antagonist in his original story.  He’s the antagonist.  He tortures people, threatens to and commits to killing the kiddos, and like.  SO MUCH MORE.  

True, he’s come a long way in Certifiably Human, and a lot of that you haven’t even seen the CAUSE of, but that doesn’t undo the damage and hurt he’s done in the past, and as a person in this exact situation, who ALSO doesn’t know how/why/if Bill really has changed, Ford is completely in the right for suspecting Bill to be Up To Some Shit.  

This story is about growing up.  It’s about changing.  It’s about having REASONS to change, but it’s also accepting that it’s not possible to change the past, only your present and future.  Bill is paying for the hideously evil things he’s done now, and if it feels like he’s being punished way too late, it’s because he IS.  He is suffering now, not because he’s evil NOW, but because of who he’s BEEN.  and, frankly, who he’s been is the kinda jerk to try to pull another long con acting innocent.

Kinda sus, you know?

If you don’t like how Ford is treating Bill, GOOD.  Bill is learning.  So is Ford.  They’re both UN-learning.  it’s a LOT and it’s complicated and nuanced and MESSY, and that’s a BIG part of the story here.  I may be drawing in two tones, but the story and its messages are hardly black and white.

So, if you really hate Ford and his actions, I’m here to tell you that this story does not throw him under the bus.  He’s not the villain.  He’s currently Bill’s antagonist, YES, but he’s not a monster, and frankly myself and my co-producer are kinda horrified some of you think he is, as if these events are happening in a vacuum.   It’s not.  The show is Canon.  Bill was evil.  He’s STILL selfish, and Ford has every reason he had then to mistrust Bill NOW.  

If you want to send Ford, specifically, hatemail, know that it will be received, read, and judged.  If you don’t have what we feel is a valid point, your ask regarding Ford’s actions will be dismissed.  

To sum up: Ford’s not Evil.  Bill is also not Evil.  Things are weird and scary between them right now.  Please think about each character’s motivations/reasons/pov, okay?

I’m so glad yall like this story.  i’m SO glad you like my bill.   I hope you continue to enjoy it and all the love and care we’ve put into it and all the characters.

Thank you!