#for me there isn't any improvement here bc the problem is still there

[wild-magic-oops]

I had hopes for this but the end result is not particularly an improvement imo

There are 4 options

1st option - ends the dialogue but you can ask the twins again

2nd and 3rd option - end the dialogue and you can't ask the twins again as long as Gale's your LI (I assume)

this is what you get if you try to ask again

And this is pretty much where any positive changes end imo

The 4th option can lead to sex. And they decided to word it like that. In Gale's mind, making love as gods is about intertwining their spirits. It's intimate on a profoundly deep level. It's not just about sex, but also about a connection to the person you love.

And that is used as a reason that he must be curios about having sex in a brothel with a couple of hired randos... It's just so disappointing and yikes to me.

The problem with this whole scene for me wasn't the persuasion roll itself, but the coercive manner the option plays out. That hasn't changed, but now you also don't need to roll for this decision which undermines that it's a shitty decision actually. Does this look like the face of a person who's enthusiastic about smth?

To me it reads that he definitely doesn't want to participate, but would tolerate watching his partner participate. But he sure af doesn't look like he wants any of this.

The rest of the scene plays out like it did before I think, soothing the player for their choice by implying that Gale enjoyed it actually, it's all fiiiine.

[imerian]

Here goes little essay about everything going on with Logan bc i have a lot of thoughts that I want to organise a bit .

I'm not sure where i want to start bc there so much to this whole situation with Logan and Williams but I'll firstly discuss today's fp1.

I hate what media portraying Williams got, yes they fucked up and critique is fair but there much more than just critique online. I tend to believe that the gave logan repaired chassis not bc they disrespect him but bc his car is tuned to alex and tune new one to him is faster than redoing both of them. It may give him some disadvantages that it's too bad. The part that I'm really sad about is that Williams didn't clarify any of this and we never gonna know for sure. It all doesn't exclude possibility of this just being decision but somehow i find it unlikely.

Another part that i have a lot of emotions about is today's crash, i hate it and people's responses so bad bc firstly we never gonna know is it car or logan bc once again we can't be sure with how Williams talked about it, but even if it was logan i can hardly blame him bc amount of pressure on him js insane.

He wasn't ready for f1 when he was brought into it, everyone already said that. Plus he constantly compared to oscar which isn't fair, you can look at their cars for example (bc in this sport they matter a lot, fact that somehow a lot of people forget) or where their teams are. I remember how in f3 oscar told that he was excited to fight with Logan and that shows for me that logan can do better it's just his circumstances that are unfortunate. He's season in f2 also was really good, he obviously couldn't get first place with domination of filippe but he still did his best.

Another thing about f2 is how much pressure he had there because Williams announced him as their f1 driver even before season finished and it put Logan on a spot bc he could actually become that driver only if he finishes in top three. And he did!!

But you can see how than, in his first f1 season and eveb now amount of pressure doesn't go down, he constantly needs to prove himself or he'll get kicked out of sport, same sport that his family sacrificed all for him to get in.

I absolutely don't understand his haters, especially those that compare him to alex at least because comparing them is stupid with this big of experience gap. Same discourse i see about lando and oscar which is also stupid because at the moment lando is objectively better at least because of his experience, and oscar doesn't need to be better than him, he needs to learn and get that experience himself for any comperasing to make sense.

Big problem with Logan is that he can't get that experience to grow as a driver, even alex said that it isn't stange that he crashes that much in his first season bc Williams car is hard to work with. It was Alex that said that, same person that car was made for so i think it's pretty good evidence. Also that was ghe reason why u was very excited to see Logan this year because he would finally have car that made for him as much as it was made for alex. And then the season started :)

In first two races he couldn't prove himself in any way bc of the reasons that wasn't in his control and what happened in Australia is just horrible for him as a driver. But i really hope that his patience will help him to hold his seat for the next year. As much as it sucks right now if him helping the team can improve his chances for the seat next year than it matters most, bc even of he has shit year he could have another one to prove himself ( which i think will absolutely happen at one point or another of his career if it continues)

In the end i want to add that i believe that James have good intentions bc even knowing how negative internet going to be he made that decision in Australia for the team. As logan fan i was very sad about it but i hope that with same good intentions for team he will keep logan that already shows how supportive he is to the team and with their growth it's probably exactly who they need at the moment

[theerurishipper]

It's so sad that with the way the love square is characterized I couldn't say with a clear conscious that if Adrien was the one to have a panic attack or mental breakdown Marinette in anyway could handle taht in their relationship. She was never asked to give him this kind of support in return, she only received it while Adrien did all the work to make their relationship happen and conveniently as possible for her.

Or heaven have mercy if Chat Noir had a panic attack or mental breakdown. Chat in Revolution ended up indirectly confessing to Ladybug how unbelievably low his self-worth still is and he only fake it til you make it for her this season, and even if Marinette felt bad for him it was still clear as day in her eyes how badly she wanted him to stop voicing it bc in their dynamic she was never asked to learn to actually supporting him the way he does her.

All she did was saying a little sentence of "You were perfect, Kitty" which from her perspective was well intentioned but Adrien himself wouldn't be able to do anything more with that than categorizing it once again as "Ladybug wants to comfort me and is struggling" bc after season 4 her claiming only now that he was perfect at the end of season 5, when s5 Ladynoir barely asked anything of Ladybug Chat just accepted he has no right to make errors or need help anymore bc Ladybug is stressed™ and needs a care taker - then "you were perfect, Kitty" is the worst wording I can imagine.

For as sweet as taht sentence SHOULD have been, it's only from Marinette's perspective (and when you ignore that she once again says nothing more than a mere sentence as per usual, which is honestly such a painfully underwhelming bar at this point. 5 seasons of partnership and she never improved in giving support. That's honestly sad.)

That sentence makes me so upset and I'm at least glad she at least helps him find the strength to over power the miraculous transformation time limit, but her eyes when he admits to how non existing his self-worth still is just... disappointed me.

I tried reading it in good faith for so long but her eyes show that she doesn't want Chat Noir to voice these doubts in their dynamic because she can't handle it and Adrien then proceeded to take what little she gave him because she made clear that this sentence alone was already asking too much of her again. This is such an one sided partnership, Chat can't voice ANYTHING because Ladybug still can't give more than surface level help.

I couldn't even imagine what would happen if Chat Noir dared to have a panic attack and it didn't manifest in convenient obedient helplessness. He would have to somehow will himself out of the breakdown, deny that anything of importance happened and then make sure SHE doesn't continue feeling bad about herself not being good at helping him.

Sorry for ranting, but thinking about how the Love Square falls apart each and every time Adrien is the one to need help and nothing ever asks Marinette to actually improve in her weaknesses in their dynamics, the moment he isn't cuddling her into development while also serving as her punching bag to take her issues out on him (for which she is also never held accountable or asked to not do it. She can do with him whatever she wants and it's all 100% justified bc she had a bad emotion while simultaneously Adrien has to learn that any bad emotion he feels is literally female oppression)

Is just extremely frustrating.

If Adrien in season 6 feels bad that his father is dead or maybe even both of his parents, I can't imagine how that is supposed to work in their dynamic. It's not a problem Marinette can hit with force and then undo with magic and surface level "I'm sure it'll be fine" won't do it. But it's Marinette Dupain-Cheng. How realistic is it actually to expect more from her from here onwards?

Anon, you put it into words better than I ever could.

It really does bug me that Adrien is never allowed to ask for help from Marinette. Season 4 was literally all about him learning that he wasn't allowed to ask her for anything, and you can clearly see that. He literally shot down Plagg's suggestion to ask Ladybug for help in Conformation because he literally doesn't think he can ask anything of her. Season 4 was full of Ladybug paying lip service to him about how much she needs him and then pretty much never actually taking the time to validate his concerns and try to mend their partnership, even when he tried to voice his concerns. She always went on the defensive and it ended with him just accepting it and resigning himself to being her second fiddle.

And hell, look at Destruction in Season 5. Chat Noir is so distressed about Cataclysming Monarch, and Ladybug can't offer him comfort because she's having her own breakdown. And you just know that if Ladybug mortally wounded someone like that, then Chat Noir would be expected to put his feelings aside and comfort her. Season 5 was full of Chat Noir being the perfect partner for Ladybug on whom she can rely on emotionally and who has learnt the lesson that he must never ask a thing of her, even if he is in danger.

But anyway, you're completely right anon. With all this being said, I have no expectation that Season 6 will allow Adrien to feel sad about becoming an orphan, because that would necessitate that Marinette try to console him, and we can't have any of those feelings that inconvenience Marinette, now can we?

Thank you for your ask!

[winryrockbellwannabe]

hey, first off all just wanna say your blog is so cool i love seeing you on my dash!

i was just wondering if you had any tips for first year students and how to manage time? i think that’s the aspect i have been struggling with the most is time management and getting enough sleep rn.

omg tysm!!! 💜💜💜 so glad you like my posts!! and hope your enjoying your 1st year so far <3

So, how to manage your time:

tbh I haven't understood it that well myself. Personally im a little time blind, so i coordinate my schedule based on tasks i have to do, instead of time.

So instead of: study physics for an hour, it could be something like: understand The Schrödinger equation or study 40 pages.

My only time blocks are: morning, afternoon (before snack time, before dinner) and before going to bed. Which i particularly like since it's more flexible, and if i didn't manage to accomplish everything, i can just move it a bit, instead of ruining the whole thing.

My planner usually looks like this: (it's a bit light, since i had classes all day both monday and today, but you get the idea)

But if you like to study in time blocks, my tip is to give them space to be flexible. So if you delay smth it doesn't ruin your entire schedule, and you won't be so stressed about the time as well.

For example, you think you'll take 1h to do this assignment? Save 1h30 for it, if you end up actually needing this extra time, then you're still in time. If you only needed 1h, you can take a break and move to your next task earlier than planned.

Alarms are a student's best friend for time tracking. And a bonus advantage is that it also forces me not to be on my phone, since i set the alarm in there, and it's a visual reminder that i should be working.

Another important thing to do is to ✨ prioritize✨ your tasks!! Your final exam is way more important than a report that's only 10% your grade. Sure, if you can do both it's perfect, but don't waste too much time perfecting smth that's not that important.

Oh, and if you feel like the way your professor explains isn't doing it for you, just forget about that class! It's a waste of time to be 2 hours in a classroom, not even understanding what the professor is saying and stressing about it. Just find some good notes, and study them in the library during that time instead.

Also, for the not enough sleep problem. I feel you. That was me in the second semester of 1st year. I would lose track of time, sometimes just procrastinating, and forget to sleep. My solution for that is ✨alarms✨. I usually wake up at 7:30, so everyday i have an alarm set for 23:00 to remind myself to go to sleep, and another for 24:00, just in case i ignored the first one lol. Really improved my sleep schedules.

(And a little extra (tho i intend to do a bigger post about this soon)

1st year tips in general: Find ways to be interested in your classes, so it's easier to study. Watch documentaries about it, discuss stuff with ppl that love that subject. Even if you are learning how to solve integrals so you can help your crush - totally not talking from experience. If it get's you motivated, then that's all that matters. DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK QUESTIONS!!! I promise your professors aren't judging you, and if your classmates are, well, they won't be judging anymore when you ace that test. And force yourself to take breaks. I would put on my t.do list to watch an episode of a series daily, bc i would be so stressed i would forget to do that. And taking breaks it's super important.)

(sorry for the huge post, I really hope at least one tip in here will be useful for you. Thank you for the ask, and best of luck for this uni year!!! Feel free to ask anymore questions💜)

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: The Boss Baby: Family Business

So would you believe me if I told you this movie is better than the first Boss Baby? I mean it's not... much better, but still, improvements were made here. Let's talk about them.

We jump foward to a now adult Tim, who has fallen out of touch with his brother Ted (the original Boss Baby) and struggles to connect with his daughter Tabitha. He soon discovers his baby Tina is on assignment from BabyCorp to stop a new villain intent on wiping out all parents. Tina gives both Ted and Tim a formula to make them both young again, recruiting their help on this mission and roping them into all sorts of Mischief ala the first movie but... like I said, marginally better.

So yeah, once again, very silly plot for a very silly movie. And yet... I don't know, it feels more... genuine than the first one did? Like it leans less on the obvious "oh look at funee baby in suit talking like a businessman" (though there is still plenty of that) and leans more on character interactions and I gotta respect that. Especially since it actually gives me a reason to care about Ted and Tim this time around, actually strengthening their bond and reflecting on how they weren't there for each other growing up like they promised they would be, and how they're given a second chance to change that now. Idk, just some pretty nice thematic stuff in there, along with Tim learning to be a better dad to his kids along the way (daddy issues in Dreamworks movies, they never stop, I Swear).

The characters here are... ok. Better than they were in the first movie, I mean fuck, the titual Boss Baby is toned down a lot and is honestly one of the least painful parts of this. Tim is also better, mostly bc he's actually an adult here so he's not your annoying kid stereotype like he was before. Tina is... kind of annoying, being the source of all of the "business baby" jokes and she grates on the nerves every now and then. Tabitha is ok though, getting some good development alongside Tim. Then we have our villain, Armstrong, who is... surprisingly funny? Like he isn't the funniest dreamworks baddie by any means, but he was certainly watchable. Hell, you could kind of say that for this movie as a whole, really.

The humor here is a little better, striking surprisingly a little more mature than last time (featuring an insane joke about agnostics like what the fuck Dreamworks I never would have thought you'd ever reference religion again after Prince of Egypt holy shit). The emotional beats also hit just a touch more, feeling a good degree less forced than the first movie's. And yet for everything this movie does well, I think its biggest problem is it drags on for far too long, just meandering with scenes that don't need to be anywhere near as long as they are, into a movie with a longer runtime than it probably should have had. It gets... tiring, after a while, and you get to the point where you just want the damn thing to end.

The animation here is really nothing special, basically looking identical to the first movie's, though I will say a few of the imagination sequences were sort of eye catching here. The music is also pretty simplistic but there were a few diagetic songs that I thought were... ok enough. Pretty unoffensive in that reguard, though of course, the pop songs just couldn't keep their nose out of this movie either.

Like I said, its far from being anything resembling good, but fuck, I watched Spirit Untamed last night and this was better than that and it was also better than the first movie, so that's gotta count for something. Even then though, it doesn't count for... that much.

Overall Rating: 4/10

Verdict: Pay tribute to the Greatest Dreamworks Character Ever: The Agnostic Kid

Previous Review (Spirit Untamed)

Next Review (The Bad Guys)

[hxdrostorms]

@eternalstarlights has sent: 🌸 = my roleplay petpeeve, 🌵 = a disliked canon character in my fandom,💐 = my favorite part about the fandom, 🌿 = my least favorite part about the fandom

Send me a symbol and I will tell you… [Accepting]

🌸 = my roleplay petpeeve

// Bc this has been happening across several blogs, not just here:

Reblog karma: If you have no plans of sending something back, then the least you should do is reblog them, from the source or look elsewhere in the posts' notes to reblog from.

I'm constantly going back in my prompts tag to delete old reblogs. BUT THERE ARE STILL, complete strangers who dig through it and reblog it from me. Like?????????? That has the same effect as a 'fuck you' in my DMs. It's 10x funnier, if it is one of those blogs with a long ass pinned/rules page. And they still had no qualms in doing this shit. It's not quirky, let me tell you that much.

Notice, I'm not complaining about not receiving asks whenever I reblog something. That's not an issue for me (mutuals/rp partners should only send stuff, when they genuinely feel like doing so, without any obligations). All I'm asking is to not make me feel like, I'm just a RP memes archive type of blog, that's only there to provide writing prompts & nothing else. I may not be the most active RPer, but none of my blogs are abandoned.

This has been a long running peeve I've been having to deal with, for YEARS. And it made a resurface as of lately.

🌵 = a disliked canon character in my fandom

// Hades & his spectres/Judges are overrated as fuck IMO LOL I say as a clown, bc I'm a classic golds dweeb fan. Clearly, I'm not in a position to say what is or isn't overrated.

Jokes aside. It may have been a result of the way I tried watching the classic series (by binge watching the entire thing). BUT when I got to the Hades arc, I got SO mad when I realized they brought back those drawn out battles. Like those were my least enjoyed bits of the early parts of the anime and the Sanctuary arc, meanwhile the Poseidon arc didn't have any of that (which is why I rate the Poseidon arc as my favorite one of the anime adaptation. 15 episodes with NO filler??? HELL YEAH.).

You can say I was already pretty burned, and should have slowed down with the final part of the series. But even then, I don't think that would have changed a thing about my general disinterest towards Hades' servants. Visually speaking to me, they are the messiest and most boring looking characters from the classic series (they only ever wear 1 color and look way too much like a toy, than some form of proper armor).

Rhadama.nthys is the biggest bitch in the club, to me he was the most insufferable. "He is the strongest*tm of all judges." *= only when Hades is straight up cheating and the story feels like unnecessarily drag things out. Reminder that Kanon killed him without any cloth equipped, and he went out the way HE chose to. He literally didn't even have to TRY.

My favorite part of the Hades arc was seeing Kanon wipe the floor, with everyone he crossed paths with. This feels 10x more satisfying, after reading the Destiny & Origins extra chapters.

💐 = my favorite part about the fandom

// I truly mean when I say, this is the chillest community I've been in a long time. Case in point: I haven't felt THIS artiscally inspired in YEARS. I've been doing so many works, I'm literally running an event in the main fandom. I've been brimming with inspiration to do so many things, that goes beyond the RPing aspect. And it has improved my general mental health SO much!

I'm forever thankful for getting into Sts LOL

🌿 = my least favorite part about the fandom

// If you exclusively speak English, you will suffer to find anything or anyone else from this fandom. Which isn't a problem for me at all but, I can see how frustrating or sad it must feel like, you can't get into a community due to a language barrier.

And the community itself isn't exactly the friendliest one towards gringos. Which I mean............ You can't blame us for feeling defensive, when literally every other fandom went down to shit, when things became very American-centered.

Not to start the whole Anti vs proship debate. BUT It is a fact that all antis (ppl who want to be cops/have no qualms with harrassing or policing others/etc.) I've come across are an American, who's way too enthralled in their lil bubble they call world. Then they have a breakdown bc as it turns out, the rest of the world isn't AT ALL like them. And there's genuine pushback/retaliation from the community, against these kinds of whiny bitchass mfers LOL.

Obviously, this doesn't mean the fandom is perfect nor it's an Utopia, where there isn't drama at all. BUT when compared to others, it feels a lot tamer in comparison. Unfortunately, it comes at the cost of coming off as a very closed off fandom, that's centered around overseas things for a change.

[scary-monsters]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @crown-of-winterthorne, thank you friend!!! 🧡🧡🫶🏻

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 33 total! i've got 8 for jjba, 25 for haikyuu

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 473,497 🤯🤯🤯

3. What fandoms do you write for? currently only jjba, i don't anticipate anything else for a long time since my major interests tend to last for years

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? unsurprisingly they're all ushiten 😭 i won't link them but: "i'm a house with no windows" (200k friends-to-lovers), "shuffle" (fake dating/only one bed tropes), "fascinating facts about geckos" (high school teachers au), "on display" (nsfw oneshot), and "morning routine" (my very first fic ever posted :')) aw)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? i try to!!!! sometimes i get really behind (like i am right now ugh) and that's either because i'm busy or i can't properly put my gratitude into words 😔 but i think i get to most of them eventually. i don't really reply to the ushiten ones anymore, but they still mean a lot to me.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i.. don't think i have any?? i love writing angst but i really cannot handle sad endings.. i'm a sappy little romance-obsessed fool, i fear i'm incapable of anything but sweet and fulfilling endings

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i mean it's gotta be "i'm a house with no windows".... they literally grew up together and got married and then visited their hometown as middle-aged men.. i don't know if i can out-do that. but if we're talking jjba then probably my most recent diego fic, "ritz to the rubble"

8. Do you get hate on fics? i have before LMAO, nothing too horrible but honestly i just shrug it off. i like my writing and i know lots of other people do too so i can't be bothered

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? ummmmmm yes.. i write a lot of it HFDSKLHGKLS.. i won't detail that here bc this isn't a nsfw blog but my ao3 speaks for itself.

10. Do you write crossovers? nope! the idea hasn't ever even crossed my mind

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? i feel like.. i remember someone telling me that one of my ushiten fics was on wattpad at one point but i never saw it myself and that was years ago so ??? MAYBE?? i truly don't know

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? i couldn't find evidence of it but i remember someone requesting to translate a fic of mine to chinese?? and i had no problem with it but AGAIN LOL these things happened in like 2016 or 2017 so it's been a hot minute and my memory is garbage

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? not really, i attempted to collab with a couple friends in the past but it really didn't work out very well.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? diego and me (im kidding. kind of.), i mean currently it's dinopants and dinoballs. i love diejoni as well but the other two reeeeaaally hit that sweet spot for me. i like ushiten in a way that's like... aww.. those were my boys and now they're grown up and moved out ?? they are cute but they aren't My Guys anymore

15. What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? UGH I HAD a dinopants university au that i started over a year ago but i ended up using one of the previously written scenes for my recent fic so i doubt i'd ever finish the original one. for the most part i finish what i start, though.

16. What are your writing strengths? DIALOGUE !!! at least to me, anyway. i think i'm really good at getting into a character's head and analyzing them and how they'd handle social situations, which is funny bc i have trash social skills. i fucking love character analysis in general

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i think i tend to overuse words sometimes... maybe lean too heavily into dialogue.. i'm always always always trying to get better, so in a way i think i look at everything as a weakness that i'm constantly working to improve

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? i've tossed in little fragments of Italian when i write gyro but other than that i don't think i'd personally do it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? realistically? naruto 💀 my original old-ass clunky desktop had several word docs of deidara fic, i'm like 99% sure. too bad limewire and heaps of viruses killed the damn thing

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? atm i think it's gotta be extra hot, well stirred, light foam :')) i was so iffy about it while writing but i think it's such a perfect balance of funny and sexy and i'm quite proud of it. it would make sense to say a fic from a while ago but i don't like my writing from back then.. i just think i've gotten so so so much better

IM TAGGINGGG @reclusiverisottonero @swallowed-teeth @hammerofspace @penny-lane-123 @phvntom-limbs but no pressure, lovingly patting y'all on the head regardless 🧡

[milchig-de]

Vent

Pairing: Character & Reader

Summary: You talk about your problems. Not relationship related.

Warnings: This is basically just vent writing. Very depression, existential dread

Notes: i imagined scaramouche as the character but you can put whoever you want there. ill tag it as scaramouche x reader bc of that but really it doesnt matter. its one am, im tired and sad. please dont be mean to me

_______________

You sit on a chair, a beverage in front of you. It is a warm day, although not warm enough to be unpleasant. Lifting the cup to your lips, you take a sip. You are unable to discern what you are drinking. You put your cup down again.

Someone approaches you. They sit down in front of you. You greet them and they greet back.

Silence.

What are you waiting for? Start a conversation.

"So... nice weather we have?"

The person across you doesn't respond. The look in their eyes tells you something is wrong. They seem to doubt you, ask you if that is really what you wanted to say. They ask if you truly do not have other questions to pose.

You unnecessarily clear your throat.

Another silence.

This person isn't here to make small talk. Think of a meaningful question.

...

Or don't.

Truly, if you have nothing important to say, why are you here?

"When do I ever have something important to say? My life bears little meaning in the greater scheme of things."

The person still sitting across from you answers.

"Perhaps that is so."

"Then... why should I say anything?"

"You can sit in silence. But isn't that boring?"

"That's precisely why I always say nonsense. It's better than bearing this agonizing silence."

They do not respond.

Speak from your heart.

"Sometimes I wonder... If none of what I say is of importance, what even is the substance of me? In other's eyes I am defined by what I do and say. So am I not essentially unimportant?"

"Do you consider yourself unimportant?"

"..."

"I guess I do. I don't particularly care about myself. I barely feel as though I even have a presence. I perceive and interact with the world I am in, but I do not take the time to truly spend time with myself."

"What does it leave you with?"

"A certain sense of... emptiness."

"What do you do about it? Do you just let it fester inside you like a some species of mold? Like some parasite?"

"I usually fill it with things that aren't real. Hell, I'm doing that right now. You aren't real, this place isn't even a place and this beverage isn't anything."

You point at your unidentifiable surroundings to stress your point.

"But when does it end? When do you lose your touch with reality? When does your true self begin? Do you even have one? Or has your entire existence been based on things that aren't there? On things so terribly out of reach that it's fucking pathetic you're still trying?"

...

"I know I'm weird. And I know this weirdness makes me unloveable. I don't know what to do about it. Everything I do only makes my life worse. Every day I wake up alive, I see no possible improvement. No one will come around to help me. That isn't how it works. I need to be proactive, but do I even deserve any help? I haven't done anything of importance and all I will ever reach is mediocrity. What's the point in trying if I will only come so far? "

...

"Maybe there is no point."

Both of you look to the scenery. It's quite beautiful. Perhaps it, too, is undeserving. But at least it is there. Even if the point is truly gone, you will still be here, for better or for worse.

"For worse, I'm sure."

Regardless of it all;

Tomorrow is another day.

[heartburstings]

ok i've been wanting to bring this up for a while, but first i wanna preface this by saying that my goal with this post is not to accuse anyone or to make anyone feel guilty. i just want more consideration going forward before i go crazier than i am supposed to be, that's my goal with this post. so if you want to add something please keep that in mind. with that out of the way...

i think it's common enough knowledge that sister chantelle is a racist caricature (if the read more isn't working then lmk if you want to read it, bc i can copypaste the thing for you--but before the cut is still a pretty good summary of the issues in her writing).

so is it just me, or is this characterization and/or treatment of her character sometimes perpetuated in fandom? i'm not talking about fic, i don't really read fics for this fandom much, so i wouldn't know if there are any fandom-racism problems there. i'm talking about the kind of jokes (and they're always jokes) that are being told in the tags.

like, an example of one of these jokes (or a type of it anyway) is when we talk about sister chantelle's allyship. while yes, it's great that she's supportive, i feel that jokes which utilize her allyship as a punchline are prone to treating her as if that is her only trait, boiling her down only to her supportiveness. as a result, fandom perpetuates the racist portrayal of her as a stereotypical black best friend--ally, whatever--and it's not great that she's often supportive in a sassy way either, if you get my meaning.

you get what i mean, right? i don't really have a good closer for this post but like... is it just me who gets bothered by posts like this? like lmk if it's actually a non-issue, bc (quoting the post i linked here) i'm not black tho so i'm just speaking as a bapo enjoyer. but i wanted to put this post out there anyway so that we, as a small fandom/community, can have a conversation about it and work to improve it.

[queen-scribbles]

Currents

"Play" 👀 emoji prompt for an anon that I accidentally deleted. So nonny, I hope you see this and ty for the excuse to write more Evony/Bao-Dur bc for him being an unromanceable companion from a 19-year old game, this relationship still has me in a chokehold.

---

Evony's thoughts were in a whirl as the Ebon Hawk lifted off from Dxun. The ship yawed slightly, making Atton mutter a curse about the rear stabilizer before leveling out and burning sky.

If she thought getting away from Onderon would help her level out, though, she was mistaken. Kavar's words wouldn't stop echoing, and hours later, with everyone asleep, she found herself still with a racing mind and uneasy spirit. As was her habit in such times, she wandered through the main parts of the ship seeking a distraction, something to help settle her thoughts.

She found it, as usual, in the garage. Bao-Dur was once again working on the wiring that ran through one wall, focus consumed by the task.

"Want some help?" Evony asked. Tinkering or repair would be the perfect solution to her restlessness, but if he wanted to handle this alone, she could always find T3.

Bao-Dur paused, nudging up his welding goggles as he turned to look at her. "If you would like," he said with a nod. "I'm almost finished; just checking all the connections are sound before routing power back. A few were burned out in the ... excitement of our arrival."

She chuckled as she lowered herself to sit cross-legged and check the lower set of wiring. "You took care of that quickly."

"I needed the distraction while you were in Iziz," he said, a touch wry as he hung the soldering gun at his belt and flicked on the scanner to check the repairs.

"But you survived," she teased. The wires down here looked alright at first glance, but a closer look revealed a couple showing signs of strain.

"I did." The warmth of an almost-laugh colored the words.

"I'm glad." Evony double-checked there was no power flowing through the compromised wires before she set to work replacing them. "And glad you seem to be in better spirits." A large portion of the background tension and simmering anger she'd sensed in him since they arrived had faded.

Bao-Dur nodded, not looking away from his task. "Mostly thanks to not being... there any more."

She knew he didn't just mean Dxun, though she was also glad to be away from the humid jungle moon. And the bugs. "I figured. Our new companion isn't going to be a problem for you, is he?" She wasn't even sure why Mandalore had wanted to join her, but more help was a good thing. Usually.

"I'll be civil," Bao-Dur promised, and Evony believed him, even if he hadn't really answered her question and she could sense the banked embers of his anger toward the Mandalorians flare a little.

"Thank you," she said, plasma cutter sparking as she removed the damaged wire. "That's more than I get from some." The shared a chuckle at that. "But I also meant... in general, since Telos. You seem to be in a better frame of mind now than you were."

"Oh, that would be your doing."

The plasma cutter slipped. "Me?"

"Surely you've noticed, Evony," Bao-Dur said softly, glancing down. "Not just because of us. But just having you around has had an effect on me. I never noticed it... before. Though I suppose my thoughts were occupied."

It caught her off-guard and she fell back on half-joking. "Clearly, then, it's because I'm no longer wearing that boring Republic uniform."

He chuckled. "While I'll freely admit your new wardrobe is an improvement, that's really just a pleasant distraction."

Warmth tingled in her chest--and her face--and Evony had to steady her voice before she could ask, "Well, then, how do you mean?" Her gaze briefly met his before dropping back to her task.

"I'm..." he hesitated, searching for a word, and she could sense his uncertainty. "More in control. Calmer." He set the goggles back over his eyes and returned to work as well. "My anger may still be there, but I can feel it slipping away."

Evony bit her lip, a small mote of relief dancing through her chest. Good.

"It's defined so much of my life," Bao-Dur continued, voice low, but those embers stirred slightly. "No matter the source, it's been there; the Mandalorians, Czerka, Revan..."

It had the potential to hurt, but with how he'd trailed off, she had to ask. "And... what about me?"

He stopped soldering and went very still, his emotions a bright whirl she could sense without even trying.

She paused as well, hands resting in her lap. "I did give the order."

"Never," Bao-Dur said fiercely. He yanked the goggles down to dangle around his neck as he dropped to one knee so he could catch her eye. "Not once, General. It had to be done."

Her heart thudded a few extra-loud beats at his fervency, his use of her long-ago title, before Evony regained her composure. "Then the same is true for what you did," she said, quiet but firm.

He shook his head, gaze darting to the side. "My hands destroyed the Mandalorians. Caused countless deaths. I cannot be forgiven for that."

"Why not?" she retorted, cupping one hand to his jaw to make him look at her. "Bao-Dur, if my decision, my actions, were necessary, then so were yours," she added gently. "Following your logic, either we're both guilty or neither of us is."

Bao-Dur managed a weak smile, leaning ever so slightly into her touch. "Even if my contributions were made out of hatred for the Mandalorians?" he whispered. "Rather than anything so noble as Jedi ideals or ending the war to spare lives?"

Evony shifted, sitting on her calves to put them more or less at eye level. "I don't think that was your whole motivation. I may have... blocked some of the memories, but knowing you, you did it to protect. Maybe it was easier to not dwell on the cost with an enemy you hated, but I know you, Bao, and you are a shield. You put yourself in the path of harm to save others. stars know you've done it enough for me and the rest of our crew. Malachor was just... sacrificing something less physical." Though even that wasn't entirely true, she conceded, glancing at the soft glow of his cybernetic arm. "But you are a"--my--"protector."

"You have far too generous a view of me." He exhaled a wry laugh, withdrawing from her touch with a shake of his head. "I can't see it that way. I don't want to. There is blood on my hands I cannot ignore."

"No, there isn't," she hissed. She could feel his anger and his guilt, twining together like Dxun vines, and it made her ache with worry for him. It would eat him alive if he let it.

He seemed inclined to let it.

"There is no blood on your hands," she repeated emphatically. "Not beyond what your guilt has forced you to imagine."

"And what of you, General?" Bao-Dur fixed her with a keen, steady look. "I know you try to shoulder that weight, for making the decision, but either we're both guilty or neither of us is."

Evony almost cackled at him throwing her words back on her, but didn't want to wake anyone. Well played. "I suppose we'll just have to shoulder it together, then. Real or imagined."

"A burden shared is one halved? Isn't that the saying?" he asked, rubbing the back of his head.

"Something like that," she nodded, playing with a loose thread in her sleeve.

Bao-Dur studied her a moment longer. "I do... envy you, sometimes," he said softly.

You shouldn't, was the first thought to pop in her head, but Evony held it back in favor of "Why?"

"You seem to be handling this better than I could," he mumured.

"I wasn't," she admitted. "Not for a long time. I was adrift. Trying to hide myself where the ache of remembering couldn't find me."

He cocked his head. "What changed?"

"The Force... came back." That time wandering truly alone had been... Sometimes hellish. Sometimes a relief. And then the faint stirring current awakened on Peragus and- Evony briefly levitated and spun the plasma cutter before letting it drop back into her hand. "The stronger and deeper that connection gets, the more it helps me find balance."

Bao-Dur's eyes flickered with... something and he turned back to the disassembled wall. "When you talk about it like that, it almost makes me wish I had it for myself."

"You could." She blurted the words before she overthought and held it back. She'd sensed the potential not long after Telos, quiet and buried beneath his anger and guilt but undeniable.

He blinked at her, caught off-balance. "What?"

Evony reached out, lightly resting a hand on his chest. "I can feel the Force in you. Faint, untapped, but definitely there. Like Atton. Like Mira." She wrinkled her nose. "Even if she won't admit it yet."

"You can?" The words were rough, barely more than a whisper.

She nodded. "It can be a comfort, a source of strength and peace if you let it. And I can teach you, if you want, but..." She bit her lip, pressed her hand more firmly against his chest, until she could feel his heartbeat and the warmth of his skin through his shirt. "You have to let go of your anger first, or it will destroy you."

The thought of it made her stomach knot and heart race; she would rather die than watch the vitriol he held toward the Mandalorians and Czerka consume him. She mentally reached for calm, soothing the concern-teetering-on-fear.

Bao-Dur held her gaze, his hand resting lightly on her elbow. "I think... I could manage that."

"Are you sure?" Evony whispered. "I don't want to watch you lose yourself to something that claimed too many of my friends."

He nodded. "With you, I feel I could do anything."

Long-ingrained, oft-repeated Jedi cautions against attachment, against possessiveness flitted through her mind, but she let them slide away and took his words at face value. Faith in her. Not a connection deeper than they should have, deep enough to be a problem.

"Alright." Evony settled back cross-legged and gestured for him to join her.

Bao-Dur mirrored her pose, so close their knees brushed. She held out her hands, palm up, and he gave her his with the barest pause to strip off his work glove. They were both warm, the metal of the cybernetic one seeming to hum as it rested against hers. Evony let herself be distracted for the briefest moment to trace her fingers across that palm before reining in her thoughts.

"Relax and focus on my voice," she murmured, just catching his nod as her eyes closed. She felt it when he relaxed, in both the Force and his light grip. "The Force can be your shield. It can bring comfort to salve your guilt."

With his guard down, Bao-Dur's presence was so bright this close. While Atton had been brighter, enough to sear or blind, this was soft, welcoming even with how strong it was. The potential in him shone like a beacon at her encouragement, but the coils of guilt and anger--so much anger--still pulsed around it.

"But it can also be twisted into something terrible," Evony continued, voice still low to keep this just for them. "That will destroy others and yourself."

He was so open to her, she felt she could reach in and soothe the guilt for him, douse the anger, chase away what had haunted him so long. But she knew from experience, to truly heal the hurt, he needed to do it. Confront it and let it go. She would help if he asked, but only then.

"Your anger fills you," she said softly. "It threatens to consume you, every time you think of Malachor."

His fingers twitched against her wrist and she understood. Malachor was a wound for them both. The moment something broke and set not-quite-right over the ensuing years. Maybe through facing the decade-old hurt they could finally heal. Together.

"You have to find a way to let it go." She opened herself so he could feel the calm flow of the Force inside her and draw from it. "Let the Force heal you, and protect you. Let it be the shield for you that you so often are for others."

Bao-Dur took a deep breath, his hand briefly tightening on hers. She felt the beginnings of struggle as he reached to follow her guiding, the stuttered flickering of that potential in him, the moment he found and latched on to her own connection to draw strength for his.

His hands were so warm as they rested against hers. The thought was a tether to reality as she 'watched' Bao-Dur's faint sense of the Force flare and grow. He wasn't using her as a conduit after the first few seconds; his connection stronger and steadier and washing away the anger and guilt.

They didn't entirely fade, but the strangling grasp they'd had on him was gone.

Evony was sure he could feel her relief at that development. She wasn't trying to stifle it.

His reaction was, as usual for him, restrained. A catch to his breathing, a few deeper breaths as the new level of awareness clicked into place.

"So this is... what you had--have--to draw on?" Bao-Dur murmured, blinking a few times as they both opened their eyes. His breathing was still uneven, hands twitching slightly atop hers.

"Mmhm." Evony nodded as she sat back. “It can be a bit of an ebb and flow. It took me a little while to… even out when my own connection reestablished. But if you work with it, if you’re open to it, it’s easier to align. And after you’re comfortable with it, the Force is a very useful thing to have.”

“Like a new limb?” he asked dryly.

She chuckled, fingers tracing his metal palm. “Very much like it, in fact.” She arched a brow at him. “You might have an advantage there.”

Bao-Dur half-smiled, cocking his head head as if listening to something. "That would be nice."

Evony let her fingers trace and trail the palm, fingers, back of his cybernetic hand a few moments more. "And you know I'm happy to help if you need it."

He nodded, rolling his shoulders as he shifted back and pushed to his feet. "Atton said it felt like having too much energy for your skin at first, and I see where he was coming from."

She accepted the hand up he offered. "Sounds about right. You learn to regulate the flow as you adjust. Part of being a Jedi is always learning, making changes for new knowledge. The Force is also good at... working with you, for lack of a better term." Aside from him and Atton, she'd never taught anyone about this, never had to explain how it worked. It just did. "It responds to your emotions and thoughts, what you want from it." She rested a hand on his arm. "That's why you needed to let go of your anger; it's such a strong emotion, it tends to overwhelm everything else. Even the best of intentions."

Bao-Dur chuckled. "Always three steps ahead and looking out for your people."

You more than any. Those were definitely un-Jedi thoughts. But it was late, and they were true, so Evony let them linger for now. They keep saying I'm no longer a Jedi, anyway.... "Whenever I can." She cleared her throat, remembering their original task, and gestured vaguely toward the wall. "Are we done? Is this all good? I don't want to traipse off and leave you with more work."

He shook his head slightly, one corner of his mouth tipping upward. "You better than anyone know I enjoy this sort of work. However..." He checked the wires she'd repaired with the scanner, seeming unsurprised when it flickered confirming white. "We do appear to be finished. I'll route power back..."

"Before you go-" Evony gave his arm a light squeeze, then reached her other hand toward the workbench across the garage, calling the dualblade lightsaber hilt to her hand. While she hadn't had time to tinker with any of the new acquisitions from Dxun, she'd at least peeked at the innards of the scavenged lightsabers to confirm they were decent and unbroken. "To help you feel the part a little more." She offered it to him. "This'll be the easiest adjustment from your war-blade. If you want it," she added hastily, picking on the current of uncertainty from him.

While he did hesitate a beat longer, Bao-Dur reach out and took the lightsaber hilt. "It's hard to deny how effective they are," he said. "After watching you and Atton decimate anything stupid enough to get in our way."

Evony laughed, only just remembering to keep it quiet, and even as she opened her mouth to point out the ignition switch, he thumbed it on. Should've know he'd figure out anything even slightly tech in a heartbeat, she thought as the pale blue blades hummed to life. "You can change the color and other crystals if you want."

He nodded, gaze still on the lightsaber quietly humming in his grasp. "This... feels right, though. At least for now." He shut it down and met her gaze as he clipped the hilt to his belt. "Thank you."

She smiled. "You're welcome." She felt much more centered. Calmer. Her concerns over what Kavar revealed were settled, at least in part. "And thank you." She cocked her head toward the wall. "For letting me help."

Bao-Dur matched her smile. "Any time you need." He caught her wrist as she started to leave, tugged her back to brush the fainst kiss to her temple. "Rest well, General."

Evony chuckled and didn't correct him. "I will."

She could feel the current of the Force that bonded them now as they went their separate ways, and was fairly confident she could keep that promise.

[lowhowl]

Hey, so I'm kinda starting to put a lot more focus into personal projects (currently writing the script for my next video) and as much as I was hoping to avoid this, I'm going to have to place this blog on hiatus until I start to get muse again, even if 'hiatus' is just tumblrspeak for 'So long, losers.'

I'm not going to definitively say I'm going away, or that I'll come back, but a lot of my inspiration for writing has gone elsewhere and I'd much rather pursue that than risk burning myself out.

I can be reached at my twitter @/WebbedSpiders (slight nsfw warning, account is minors dni) where I'm a lot more candid, mostly tweet at other creators, post my own stuff, and complain; or my Discord, for close mutuals.

also, a bit of an addendum below the cut- it's under a cut specifically bc it waxes negative but I feel like it's important to say because it is cutting into my ability to write here.

fair warning, I'm going to be very blunt and kind of serious with my words here. this also isn't an invitation to discussion, I am plainly stating my thoughts and I will not be swayed.

disclaimer: this is not directed at anyone. please, for the love of the gods, do not take any of this as 'oh did I do something?' you didn't. This is more about how the roleplay community as a whole operates, and no single person can be blamed for any of this.

There's always an air of pressure about Tumblr communities. In the time where I've just been here talking to people, interacting, not really causing problems as far as I know, I've still managed to get softblocked by people just because of association or because I don't mention something at all.

And while it's well within the right of these people to do this- these systems exist so you can curate a safe corner for yourself- it has still created a lot of stress for me and it has lead to me overly moderating and overanalyzing a lot of my own posts, and worrying about what exactly I'd done to push these people away. To be brutally honest, that's not fun and is not conducive to a creative platform. Logging on to realize that threads you were very much looking forward to have effectively been dropped forever is disheartening.

and I think the argument of "well you should think about why you got (soft)blocked" in regards to if I'd done anything wrong is bullshit, because in every case that someone has broken mutuals with me after there's been an amount of IC interaction, there's been no discussion. There's been no clarity. Which means that there's no direct path to improvement or closure unless I go around asking other people why I was blocked, softblocked, whatever, and I'm simply not going to do that because that feels like a breach of privacy. At the very least, it comes off as an indication that the other person simply does not want to interact with you and does not want to even talk to you.

Should note, this doesn't really bother me if it happens with people I haven't really spoken to. This is more of a 'I thought we established we were cool' thing. I know I'm also guilty of this in some cases, but at the same time- I do regret doing it. I hate that it's just accepted as a product of the systems this community has set up, and I feel like everyone- no matter how severe their actions- deserves to at least know what everyone at least thinks or knows they did.

I'm also not stupid, I know that this is just the community that Tumblr has curated over the years and I understand that this is just how it operates, but I'm starting to realize that maybe this space just isn't for me. Creating for myself without the necessity of leaning on others for continuous threads has really broadened my horizons and made me feel like I can do a lot more. I still love Whisper. I still love writing. but if I'm going to continue with this blog down the line when I have muse again, I'm going to be very selective and it's going to be very sparingly. I've found a passion I care about- something that I can actually put all of my creative skills towards that can reach an audience- and I'd much rather focus on that.

If you read all this, thank you, but also. I'm sorry? This probably reads as aggressive and upset- but I've been holding on to a lot of these complaints for upwards of years from how long I've been on this platform, floating between roleplay communities, but I can't hold it in anymore. I hate to say it, but in the time I've spent away from Tumblr, I've just felt better.

[beesmygod]

I want to finish bloodborne so badly because the lore is super interesting, but I'm pathetically bad at video games and after about 20 hours of play time I still couldn't beat the priest. Do you have any lets players you'd recommend watching

it might be hard to get a good playthrough of bloodborne because they're either inevitably going to miss something important or they're the most annoying people in the universe. there's a youtuber i follow named "john wolfe" who typically plays very low budget indie horror games who did a blind run of bloodborne i found REALLY enjoyable. but that was bc i am an old fan watching the new ones get pulled in going "yes....yes!!!"

as for gascoigne, dont feel bad or stressed for not beating him yet. here's some tips to try again with him:

an entirely possible problem is that you might be leveling up the wrong skills for a new player. for your first playthrough, ignore arcane and bloodtinge until you find your first item that has an arcane level minimum to use. they're not necessary items, just fun tools to add to fighting, so i would avoid that for now. bloodtinge allegedly improves your gun damage (and SOME weapons late game/dlc) but unless you're making a special bloodtinge build, you can largely avoid it and power it up using bloodgems (found later). STR and SKL govern your ability to use different kinds of weapons, but both made you deal more damage to enemies. vitality is a VERY good thing for a new player to pump points into. no shame in that. endurance is always, always a good thing to upgrade too if you aren't sure.

gascoigne is the first true stop gap for almost everyone who plays the game. it took me multiple days and restarting the entire game over like 3 times before it clicked: the game is forcing you to learn how to parry. and thank god because it's a vital skill in this game. you will have to play the bloodborne rhythm game: time your shots when their weapon is right about to swing down on you. the best ones are the ones where he jumps at you with the axe over his head, very easy to hit. when you hear the parry sound jump forward and get that visceral attack! visceral attacks will also help refill your health bar.

take advantage of the "rally" mechanic: the one where when you get hit, you can gain HP back. if he bops you, get back on your feet and move TOWARD him and beat his ass to get some of it back so you dont waste a vial. BE AGGRESSIVE! B-E AGGRESSIVE!

you can get 2 hits in. i know you think you can get 3. but you can't. i think i can get 3 every time. i can't. hit him twice and then move in a direction there isn't a gravestone

you can jump INTO some of his attacks if your timing is right. i find when he does the spin wind-up im able to leap into it after his first turn.

and now for the ultimate secret: save all your molotovs for this battle. when he starts going beast mode RUN and get as much distance between you and him (but try not to cut off your access to the stairs on the right since you can kinda loop that by jumping onto the roof where the dead wife is). throw molotovs at him while crying and screaming and running. 2-3 should do the trick. BUT HE IS FAST AND JUMPS HIGH SO WATCH OUT

good luck anon. and remember for the next boss, in the words of beyonce: TO THE LEFT TO THE LEFT

[enchanted-lightning-aes]

For the prompts: “Claude” and “wrong”? (Her being wrong or her proving someone else wrong pfff

Or something else entirely!)

hi there, lee! thank you for this request. this has been a bit of a challenge bc it was difficult to choose who else would be featured, lmao. 😂

i had to keep it small and somewhat domestic. and some platonic dynamics involved. just a space explorer and two meta-humans (x, x) chilling in a library. featuring discussions of astrophysics, sksksk. 🌌🌌

send me a prompt? for any oc, dynamic, fandom characters, concepts.

Word Count: 782

T.W/C.W: None-ish

***

"As much as I'm glad to see you," Cisco said, clasping his hands together. "I wish it wasn't because of business."

Maxine set a stack of textbooks on the table. "Hey, after this, we can hit Jitters if you want. Besides, aren't you bored being in the cortex?" 

"Yeah, you deserve to take a break from Team Flash work," Claude added, taking her sunglasses off. 

"Touché." Cisco grinned, pushing a straw onto his capri sun. "Although, I'm surprised you wanted us to be here for this." 

They were in a local library at Central City, gathered by a table. Surrounded by silence and secluded by bookshelves.  

"Why else would I ask one of the brilliant geniuses I know for help?" Maxine asked wryly. She chuckled. "Um, anyways. My test is gonna be grueling as hell. So, I need any advice on these astrophysics and aeronautical engineering."

"Oof." Claude grimaced, rubbing her forehead.

"Ugh, the atrocity known as academia," Cisco said, tsking. "I took years to earn my Ph.D. in mechanical engineering. I'd join grad school if it wasn't pricey as hell." 

"Wait, you didn't go?" Maxine furrowed her brows. "Why not?" 

"Here's a fun fact. . . working in S.T.A.R Labs and fighting crime doesn't pay much." Cisco flicked a hand. "So, it ain't enough for an entire semester."

Claude scrunched her face. "Didn't you know that before joining Team Flash? Look, I've been piling up your bank account. If you want extra for that, I'd be cool with it." 

"Yeah, you know I spend that cash on recreational purposes, not academic." Cisco chuckled, brushing some of his hair strands back. "Anyways. Maxine, tell us what you got. And we'll help you to the best of our abilities." 

Maxine jumped up to her feet, opening her notebook. Flipping to pages containing scribbles of numbers and letters. Arranged in equations. 

"Whoa," both Cisco and Claude murmured simultaneously. 

"I need to practice on improving my calculations regarding some equations and formulas." Maxine grimaced, steepling her fingers. "I'm having some trouble with the Doppler effect. I'd ask my professor for help. Except she's busy with dozens of students to grade. However, I guess you both need to check if your calculating skills are rusty." 

"Ah, I'm one hundred percent certain I still got it," Claude replied, smirking. 

Cisco wiggled his brows. "Can't wait to see if that's true." 

"Yeah, so, one of the problems features a train," Maxine said, opening a textbook. Turning it to an activity page. "It's highlighted in teal." 

Claude pulled a calculator out of her backpack. She switched it on and typed the equation from the paper. The Doppler effect. Copying the numbers displayed on the page. 

Cisco also whipped out a calculator, typing some equations. He sank deeper in his seat while a sigh whooshed out of him. 

When they both finished, they slid their calculators onto the table. Maxine grabbed her notebook and examined the results on the small screen. 

Maxine scrunched her face, rubbing her chin. "No offense, Professor Strodloge but. . . but Cisco's calculations look correct. The frequency in yours doesn't add up to the fixed speed. Meanwhile for Cisco, the frequency seems to be aligned with it." 

Ouch, she thought, staring ahead at a random wall. She compressed her mouth. 

"Fine, I guess I'm wrong about the calculations," Claude said, her voice low. "Only because astrophysics isn't exactly my area of study." 

"Pffft, you're a space explorer," Cisco pointed out cheekily. "Sorta ironic, don't ya think?" 

"I don't need to calculate while flying a spaceship, dude. I only measure the hours on how I can get there." 

"What an atrocious excuse. At least, the math involved in science is supposedly tolerable than those outside of it." 

"Hey! I'm good at some equations." 

"Yeah, at quantum mechanics, which is completely different from astrophysics." 

"Guys! Can we focus, pretty please?" Maxine frowned, plopping onto her chair. 

When Maxine tapped a pencil on the table's edge, Cisco grinned sheepishly. Claude slid a glance at her calculator, wiping the equations off. 

"Sorry, it's rare for Professor Strodloge to be wrong about science," Cisco murmured, gradually cracking up. "It tends to be trippy for anyone witnessing it." 

Claude shrugged, bowing her head. "Well, you happen to be better at it. Since frequencies are totally your thing." 

"You got that right, at least." Cisco snorted. "Well, you tried. So, that's something."

With a sigh, Claude nodded. 

"Can we get back to my equation problem?" Maxine asked. "My G.P.A depends on this, you know." 

"Yes, yes, so, this is how the train's frequency will be," Cisco replied in his 'comms' voice. "This amount of power ensures it'll travel in this exact rate."

***

[nerice]

alright. figure i'll make this post before im getting got by the sadness too hard,,, also bc it'll be past midnight by the time i'm done typing this up which will put it into proper anniversary territory so,, weird long crypost just bear with me i have 2 do this for myself ;;

i care ocs. if you know anything abt me it's probably that. im only alive bc of writing it's the only thing that makes life bearable and that's why i stick around. and in 2013, i happened to pick up art bc if i'm not gonna draw my ocs who will. that was five years into oc verse even if i didn't conceptualize it as such yet & alrdy a year into the profoundly normal era that continues to this day known as [still not calm abt sky plot] i cannot elaborate. if you know u know. enter the night. iykyk etc. i was not normal abt it when this song freshly delivered an entire new (and first proper,) au/canon divergence into my brain exactly 10 years ago >>>

& i have been extremely not normal wormed eeled yelling losing it etc every single hyperobsessed verb you can think of abt this story corner and this song for ten freaking years. baby me had only been drawing for a couple of months and was given an entire psychic vision for a lyricstuck/songdraw however u wanna call it in current vernacular. the full five minute song. i've written that corner ofc but just like the shape of tge is screenplay i know the shape of this has to be a full animation. im ngl with you when i say the main reason i have wanted to improve at art at any point was so i could animate this one day. nd i was content just drawing whatever i want and not slaving away at this project until i felt i could tackle it. and then 2022 happened and broke me and when i was in the hospital with that stupid ass heart issue i was terrified i'd die without ever seeing this through. and so i swore that after thesis, come november, i'd fully dedicate myself to art improvement so that for the 10yr anniversary in late september 2023 i'd have a version of it. even if it's sucky even if it's janky ofc it would never have been the full cinematic animation (not yet) rough animatic, even static lyric panels just set to the music, whatever. just have a version of it. it's what got me through thesis, in the end. and you know how this story ends

my wrist exploded (rsis what ever we are sticking with the meme)

tbh i was holding out hope until a few months ago. bc one evening in late 2020 [*holds a moment of wistful silence*] i got possessed and thumbnailed 80% of the thing (minus the 1min sequence of three different fight scenes. problem for future future me) so maybe if i just compiled those to the song n sketched over it doing one panel a day............. but it just wasn't possible. i have to rest my wrist and rushing thru a bad grief-sticken rendition of this project and probably ruining my wrist for good in the process just isn't worth it. so as nice as it would have been to have even the most rudimentary version to post on the 10 year anniversary of arguably the thing that changed my life and made me want to live and write and draw and improve forever, it's not happening. we are here and i cannot tell when i'll ever be able to draw again so all i can do is look through those thumbnails from 2020, and dream,,,,,

maybe 2024, boys. maybe 2024.......... time is fake & clean anniversaries are overrated anyways u,______,u

[salt-volk]

am i like... the only one who doesn't think any of this is all that bad?

dv has always been slow making improvements, but it seems especially since hiring artist team we've gotten lots more updates, and some reasonable progress has been made. they're also making slightly better effort to communicate. trying to listen and implement things here & there (midmonth updates as a thing).

is it perfect? absolutely not. could they be doing better and making more progress faster? definitely. are there some major fumbling points that raise community tensions to a boil (like customs)? yeah, of course. but idk..

no shade on anyone, your feelings are valid. but sometimes it all seems so "dramatic" (not rlly the right word, but you get the intention). like instead of monitoring improvements checking in occasionally just kinda waiting it out, it has to be a catastrophized thing like "ahh dv is ending!!! i'm leaving dv!!! fuck everything and fuck the staff!!!"

and ik that dv isn't beta anymore so most ppl have the attitude of "all of this should have been fixed forever ago! i can't believe we still having this problem! things need to change NOW!!". but... idk nothing in dv to me is so pressing that i feel absolutely enraged over it or like i need to delete my account or boycott or something.

i feel kinda like a passenger just along for the ride, curious to see what happens next. i'm absolutely critical, and give input in improvement threads when it feels necessary. def a lot needs to change. i understand the urging staff to look at certain issues. but i also just feel mostly neutral passivity.

maybe its just social media. ppl being in their feelings or using certain language to make a point. but i don't think i've ever felt as strongly abt anything on dv as half of the ppl here do. if i found out anji was actively currently donating $ to an organization that funded conversion therapy or something like that, THEN i'd be like "okay i'm leaving dv i'm never spending money here again" and all of that. but just simple stuff like "updates are too slow" "the custom system is fucked up" "staff communication is bad"... to me, these are all things that can probly improve with time and better site resources. that i can easily stand to just curiously wait around for.

 i don't feel like i lose anything by staying, or that i'd gain anything by leaving. i'm very invested in the concept of dv and want it to do well, but maybe i'm invested in a v detached way or something. i just can't bring myself to be outrage level mad abt this stuff bc it's all just pixels and shit at the end of the day. most of the "major dv scandals" just remind me of similar issues with other games ive been on early in their start, or working on weirdly managed creative group projects in college, or other things. nothing so far has been unbearably bad to me, or even close to it. i've seen it all before. or if i haven't i get where it comes from.  

and idk even after all the bullshit with them, i guess i still kinda trust staff to improve? maybe i give the benefit of the doubt too often. i just feel like none of it is intentional. i think they don't have proper funding or management skills, and they're not used to running a website like this. it's all just growing pains that they have to sort out and learn from. and there's evidence that certain aspects are still steadily improving over time. will they improve fast enough before every other person except me leaves dv out of frustration or whatever? idk, i hope so. but i don't lose anything by just hanging around to see. at the least its an interesting experience and a study in online communities. at the best, the site genuinely does fix it's issues and i'll be glad i hung around.

just sometimes reading stuff on here... i start to feel like i'm the only one who's kinda chilling in the back while everyone else is predicting dv's downfall, getting into rlly heated arguments, writing manifestos abt why they're going to leave or whatever lol.. it's good to see ppl so passionate abt something but that also makes it a strange and tense environment. it can feel surreal to be surrounded by it all. ykwim? 

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please explain to me what Robin Lehner said yesterday about vaccination and competitive edge? English isn't my 1st language and from what I gathered NHL and PA promised VGK that if they get vaccinated the restrictions on them will lessen and they can freely leave their houses. And when they players got vaccines, NHL changed their promise and said players can't do that until all of the teams across the league are evenly vaccinated (shitty move from NHL, 1/2

2/2 as always). But what did Robin mean talking about competitive edge? I rewatched the video 3 times and I still don't understand :( Did the league make it a competition between the teams? "The sooner you all get vaccinated, the sooner there'll be no resctions on you?" I hope, I'm not completely missing the point, sorry about that. Big respect for Robin for speaking up and calling out the league. I'm really happy seeing players speaking up for themselves and their teams

Hi anon! I’ve spoken about this already a bit here and here, in case you haven’t seen those yet and think they might answer some of your questions. But I’m happy to elaborate further! I hope I can clear this up for you.

First, just as a note: Right now it doesn’t seem to exactly be clear what the NHL and NHLPA did or didn’t promise players in terms of easing restrictions, but it seems like Lehner was definitely given the impression by somebody that a team getting fully or mostly vaccinated was the ticket to not being under such strict isolation. The NHL for their part seems to be claiming they promised no such thing, but it’s hard to know right now whether that’s just them covering ass, or if there was just a misunderstanding somewhere in which what they actually said was not fully clear to the players. [Elliotte Friedman voice] More news may be yet to come on this.

Right. So as far as “competitive edge” goes, I can definitely explain that. You’re only a little off the mark. What he means in this case is that the NHL is concerned that letting more fully vaccinated teams live under a less intensely restrictive set of internal rules (regarding things like dining together, exercising together, sitting next to each other on planes and busses, having more group off-ice social time, sharing hotel rooms, having in-person coaching meetings again, etc) will lead to that group having an on-ice advantage in their play over other teams who are less vaccinated and still have to live under full restrictions.

Because the NHL is intensely obsessed with “parity of sport” (trying to make the conditions of competition the same for all teams regardless of outside factors wherever possible), they always in as many situations as possible want to eliminate any potential leg up one team could have over others. This is why we have things like the salary cap, rules about scouting players, rules about how draft picks are distributed that try to make sure struggling teams have a chance to draft well, rules against signing your best players for 20-year contracts so nobody else can have them, etc.

In general theory, being parity-oriented is good! It aims to make sure that the success of teams on the ice and in the standings is determined by the hockey play/skill alone as much as possible, not by franchise wealth or other things they did to get an unfair jump on the competition. And that should make the games more fun and less boring/predictable in most cases! As far as sports leagues go, the NHL has pretty good parity of play overall — there are only a few REALLY good teams and only a few REALLY bad ones, and everybody else performs within a pretty similar range most years. This is why back-to-back Cup wins are so rare in the current era, because due to all the rules to enforce parity there are relatively few teams that are THAT dominant over the competition for a long stretch of multiple seasons in a row, and the odds of any given team winning each year are much more similar. (As compared to like that period in the late 70’s when it was like “who won the Cup? oh surprise surprise it’s the Habs AGAIN 🙄” lol).

However, sometimes the NHL gets unrealistic in its pursuit of making sure everything is exactly the same for all teams. We’ve seen it already this season with the stubborn insistence on making sure the Canucks play a full 56 game season like everybody else, regardless of whether it is safe or reasonable to do so in the time they have left.

This time, the fixation on parity seems to be rearing its head in the form of the League insisting that even if a team has most or all of their players and staff vaccinated, they still have to maintain the same intense restrictions within team spaces as other teams which may be WAY further behind in getting everyone vaccinated, rather than getting to benefit from the lowered risk that being thoroughly vaccinated brings within a closed group like that. And they seem to be insisting on this not because it would be unsafe to change things for vaccinated teams, but rather because of concern that doing so might make that team perform better as a hockey team.

That’s the key part here: The NHL seems to consider getting to (safely) return to a mode of team life that is somewhat more similar to what these guys have been habitually used to pre-pandemic, to be something that could translate into an unfair on-ice advantage in the quality of their play, over other teams who are still doing it all “the hard way” under strict restrictions because they haven’t been vaccinated yet. And because of trying for parity, they want avoid giving teams that “advantage” by basing restriction changes around each team’s individual situation, and instead plan to ease restrictions for all teams at the same time at some point once all teams are similar levels of vaccinated.

Now, US teams seem to be getting vaccinated faster and faster every day, but Canadian teams probably have not started vaccinating their players or any team employees under age 50 at all yet, because Canada’s vaccination process has been painfully slow. So waiting on them to catch up could leave US teams who are already mostly/fully vaccinated still stuck in those restrictive mentally draining conditions for quite some time before the other teams catch up — again, not because it isn’t COVID safe to ease their restrictions if done properly (that doesn’t seem to be a problem), but because the League sees the improvements to their mental state and team morale/cohesion that would come from living a less restricted life together and getting to return to familiar off-ice hockey routines as gaining a “competitive edge” over unvaccinated teams, which would lead to them playing better hockey to a level that can’t be matched as a result.

Which, Lehner is right, is a pretty fucked up way to look at it! “It’s an unfair advantage for you to not be miserably alone and depressed by that and frustrated and doing everything with 16 extra steps you’re still not used to, it’s an unfair advantage to get to actually act like a team off the ice when playing a team sport, so no, we’re not gonna let you eat lunch together or share hotel rooms or whatever” is not exactly a compassionate argument!

Anon I’m also really glad Robin said something about it, and I was glad to see VGK captain Mark Stone put full and vocal team support behind him when asked about it last night on the broadcast too. The mental price of these intense restrictions is something that has been weighing on my mind ever since I first heard they would have to spend all their time on the road locked in hotel rooms alone when not playing and thought “oh god, five months of that is going to be psychologically devastating”. It’s a relief to hear it acknowledged.

I’m not fully sure what the best solution is here, but that mental wellbeing factor absolutely must be discussed in all decisions. It would be fucked up if the League is treating that as something purely technical to be controlled like the salary cap, rather than as a key determinant of health and life (in the short and long term) that is just as important as COVID safety. The old hockey culture of “just suck it up” cannot cut it anymore.

Aside: I think it’s also worth mentioning while we’re here, that I think I do understand why players may be angry about have been talked into getting the vaccine because they thought it would lead to eased personal restrictions, and why I don’t believe that anger necessarily represents an “anti-vaxx” mindset. There are reasons they may not have planned on getting vaccinated just yet which aren’t necessarily “anti-vaxx” cult thinking (though that doesn’t mean they’re smart reasons lol) and would likely seem reasonable to players in-context. I’m gonna put that under a cut though bc this is already really long!

First, there’s the fact that we don’t know what medical conditions some players may or may not have which could make them hesitant to get some of the vaccines out of an abundance of caution. More prominently you also gotta remember, these guys are athletes currently competing their way through an extremely intense and extremely important part of the season as they try to secure playoff spots, playing sometimes as many as 4 games a week. Looking at it that way, it’s understandable why some of them would be hesitant about getting a shot at this particular time which we all know is going to whammy you with a nasty little bout of mild-moderate side effects that hit you like a bad cold for as much as a week. They probably don’t feel they can afford to be laid up with muscle aches, sinus suffering, fatigue, and all the other little fun (and eventually harmless in the end!) things that your body runs through while activating that initial immune response — because in the couple of days that it throws them off for, their team could play 3 or more REALLY important playoff-clinching games, which they could end up underperforming in or having to sit out.

If that is the situation you’re in, and you already feel like the current League restrictions are doing enough to protect you, you can see why you would say “I think I’ll wait and get it during the offseason/during the week break between regular season and playoffs, and just suck it up for these last few weeks dealing with the same ol lonely isolation restrictions I’ve already gotten used to dealing with all season long, rather than be hit with that curveball of possible temporary vaccine side-effects during this time when I need to give it my all every game.” That may sound like a selfish mindset, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that is how at least some of these athletes are approaching it, especially ones who may be single guys without families at home to worry about protecting. (Lehner, for the record, has a wife and two young kids).

BUT, if the League told you (or it sounded like the League told you) “Hey, if enough of your team gets vaccinated quickly, we’ll be able to lift some of the internal restrictions for you guys and let you like hang out and do stuff together within the team again”, and if you were REALLY struggling with the mental stress of that isolated living style, you might weigh the two options against each other and say “Okay, I’m willing to power through a week of potential side-effects and get vaccinated with the fellas if it means I won’t have to be so goddamn miserable and depressed every day.” and then you get the shot(s).

And if you did that, and THEN the League said “lol no, even though your team is fully immunized you still have to sit in your room alone every night and eat by yourself and not leave your house, because it’s not fair to other teams if you guys are no longer mentally miserable like them”, well now you find yourself in the worst of both worlds — still stuck in isolation, AND you’ve still got to play through all the potential vaccine side-effects that will leave you a little off your game during some of the most crucial games of the year.

Plus, that leaves you not feeling like you got to give informed consent — you agreed to get vaccinated (ie undergo a medical treatment) under the expectation that there would be certain rewards to be gained in terms of relief for your mental health, which made you decide it was worth the potential dent in your performance for a few games and any other worries you had about the vaccine, because the prospect of that relief was so worth it. And now, you are told by the League “that payoff you expected never existed, we never promised that, what are you talking about? we can’t change things for your mental health because that might make you better at hockey than the depressed unvaccinated teams”. I can understand how that turn of events could leave someone, as Robin expressed, feeling like they were “tricked” or “forced” into making a choice that they may have done differently otherwise. They felt that they were promised something in return that they didn’t get.

Note at the end of all this: Again, we still don’t know whether the NHL and NHLPA actually made any promises, or if they simply weren’t clear enough in communicating expectations to teams and the players misunderstood what was said to mean something else. Regardless, using the idea that being freed from having to be miserably isolated to an even greater degree than most of the US general public is an “unfair competitive advantage” to now justify not allowing reasonable adjustments to the restrictions for fully vaccinated teams is fucked up, and treats mental wellbeing as just another gameplay-impacting factor to be controlled rather than a deeply impactful part of a person’s overall wellbeing which can even threaten their life. The players must be treated as people.