#forrest long/alex manes

[jule1122]

Malex Fic - Love will get you there

Made with a day to spare!  This is my March fic for @alexguerinappreciation.  I choose the spotlight of Alex’s canon relationships.  I consider this a Malex fic because that is where we end up, but this is both pre canon and post canon so I write about Alex’s family, his relationship with Maria and Forrest on the way to Malex’s happy ending. 

It’s a 5 +1  about 5 times Alex wanted to change his name before the one time he finally does it.  Warnings for canon child abuse.

If you hate Maria or Forrest, please don’t read this.  Also if you really like Jim Valenti, you may not like how I wrote him.

Love will get you there on AO3

Summary: Alex was never much of a Manes man or 5 times Alex thought about changing his name and 1 time he did 

Title is from an Inhaler song.

I am going to put the whole fic behind the cut because it opens with Jesse being abusive.  Nothing graphic but I wanted to give an extra warning.

1.

“What did I tell you?”  Jesse leans in close to Alex’s face.  He doesn’t yell, he doesn’t need to.

“Don’t leave toys on the floor,” Alex sniffs.  His dad tightens his hold on Alex’s shirt.  “Sir,” Alex adds quickly before his dad can hit him again.

“I won’t warn you again, Alex.  Next time there will be real consequences.”

Alex tries to wiggle out of Jesse’s hold.  His back is sore from where his father used his belt.  Just thinking what will happen if he forgets to clean up again makes him start crying again.  He tries to hold back his tears, hoping his father won’t notice and ends up hiccuping.

“Manes men don’t cry,”  Jesse shakes Alex roughly before pushing him away.  “You're confined to your room for the rest of the evening.  Maybe some time alone will help you remember how to behave.”

Alex runs to his room, he wants to slam the door but he knows if he does his father will follow him and punish him again.  Instead, he hides between his bed and the wall and cries silently.  Once he calms down, he takes his camping bag from his closet and begins filling it with clothes.

“What are you doing, dork,” Clay asks from the doorway.

Alex startles and wipes his eyes before turning to face his brother.  Clay is almost as mean as his father, and he’s afraid to let him see him cry.  “I’m leaving.  I’m going to live with Mom.”

“Mom doesn’t want you, dummy.  She doesn’t want any of us.”

“That’s not true,” Alex insists.  He doesn’t yell even though he wants to because he doesn’t want his dad to hear him.  “If I tell her Dad hurt me, she’ll come get me.”

“No, she won’t,” Clay tells him.  “She’s been gone almost a year, and she hasn’t called once.  She’s not going to help you.  Even if she wanted to, Dad would find you and bring you back.  Manes men stick together, remember.”

“I don’t want to be a Manes man,” Alex says miserably.  He hates being a Manes, he hates all the rules.  Manes men don’t cry or laugh too loud or sing.  Manes men don’t waste their time watching cartoons or playing with girls.  He hates all of it.

“Grandpa will hide me.  I’ll change my name so people will know I belong with Grandpa, and  Dad won’t find me because I won’t be a Manes,”  Alex nods, confident he’s solved the problem.  

“You’re so stupid.  You’ll embarrass Grandpa just like you embarrass Dad.  He’d bring you back himself just to get rid of you.” Clay shakes his head.  “You’re a Manes, Alex, whether you like it or not.   You need to start acting like one before you bring all of us down.”

Alex turns away from Clay and ignores him until he leaves.  He takes everything out of his bag and puts it back, not bothering to wipe the tears from his face since there was no one to see him.  Clay’s right.  No one wants him so he’s stuck being a Manes.

2.

Alex kicks his feet against the edge of the exam room table until his father glares at him, and he goes back to sitting perfectly still.  He can hear the doctor explaining his restrictions and medication dosages to Jesse as the nurse adjusts his sling.  Alex lets the words wash over him, his dad will probably make him take the sling off as soon as they get in the car, and he won’t be giving Alex any pain meds.

It wasn’t like this was the first time Jesse had separated Alex’s shoulder so he’s used to the pain.  In the past, they’d always put it back in at home, but this time Jesse couldn’t get it to pop back into place.  He kept trying until Alex was throwing up from the pain, and then he finally drove Alex to the emergency room.

“Now Mr. Manes, I need you to step out of the room for a few minutes.”

“Sergeant Manes,” Jesse corrects the doctor.  “And if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to take my son home now.  He’s fine, there’s no reason to keep fussing.”

“Sergeant Manes,” the doctor begins again.  Alex almost smiles because he could hear the eye roll in the doctor’s voice.  “It’s procedure, which I’m sure you understand.  If you’ll just follow me, I can get you started on the discharge paperwork, and you’ll be on your way shortly.”  

Jesse stops in front of Alex on his way out.  “I’ll be right outside, Alex.”

Alex knows he’s pretending to be concerned, making sure the doctor thinks he cares.  He tightens his hand on Alex’s good shoulder enough to hurt.  It’s a warning to remind Alex that Jesse expects Alex to behave as if he’s in the room. Alex nods to let him know he understands.

“Alex,” the nurse directs his attention back to her once Jesse is gone.  “There is someone we’d like you to talk to.  Remember this is a safe space.  It’s ok to tell the truth.”

Sheriff Valenti comes in through a door opposite of where Jesse had left.  He follows the nurse into the corner, away from Alex, but the room is small, and Alex can still hear everything they say.

“He came in with a separated shoulder,”  the nurse begins.

“Alex is from an active family. Four boys, lots of roughhousing,” Jim interrupts.

“His x-ray showed scar tissue in the joint.  This isn’t the first time this has happened, and we also saw evidence of older untreated injuries.  I’m sure you understand why we’re concerned, Sheriff.” 

“I’ll talk to him.  Alone please.”

“Of course,” the nurse replies before leaving.

Jim walks to the foot of Alex’s bed.  “How are you feeling?

“Fine, sir.”  Alex isn’t lying.  They gave him a shot before they reset his shoulder, and he feels good.  Tired but not in pain.

“You want to tell me what happened, son?”

Alex used to pretend Jim Valenti was his father.  When Jesse really started hurting him, he imagined the Sheriff rescuing him and taking Alex home and promising Alex that he wouldn’t let Jesse hurt him anymore.  Then he’d admit that he was Alex’s real father, that he’d kept it a secret, but he would tell the truth to protect Alex.  He would let Alex live at his house, and Alex and Kyle would be brothers for real.

He would close his eyes and imagine Jesse showing up to take him back, and Jim stopping him.  He would stand in the doorway with his hand on Alex’s shoulder and tell Jesse, “Alex is a Valenti now.  You can’t hurt him anymore.  Don’t ever come back here again or I’ll have to arrest you.”

It’s a stupid dream, Alex knows that, but maybe it’s because Jim called him son that he decides to tell the truth.  “It was my dad,” he says.  “He was mad at me and this was my punishment.”

The Sheriff looks sad for a minute, and Alex thinks this is it - Jim will take him home, and he’ll finally be safe.  Maybe his dad will even go to jail, and he’ll be too afraid to even talk to Alex again.

Then he takes a step back and when he looks at Alex, he’s serious - not like Kyle’s dad, but like when Alex has seen him working.

“Alex, are you sure that’s what happened?  That is a serious accusation, and if you tell me that is what happened, I’ll have to let your father know what you said,” he says it kindly, but Alex knows it’s as much of a threat as Jesse’s shoulder squeeze had been.   “It’s easy to get confused when you are in pain,” the Sheriff continues.   “Maybe you are mixing up the pain you felt when your dad tried to help you with when you were injured.”

“You’re right,” Alex says flatly, the last of his dreams of rescue vanishing.  “I was fooling around with my brothers on the training course, and that’s how I hurt my shoulder.  My dad tried to fix it, and that hurt too.  I must have been confused.”

“That’s what I thought,” Jim sounds proud, and it makes Alex want to cry.  “Thanks for clearing that up.  You’ll be able to go home soon.”

Jim starts to leave, but he turns back to hug Alex carefully.  “You’re strong, Alex,” he whispers. “And nothing lasts forever.  Remember that.”

He does leave then, and Alex gets up to follow him, to ask him why he acts like he cares, but won’t help him, but he hears his father’s voice outside the door.

“What are you doing here, Jim?” Jesse asks.

“The hospital called in a suspicious injury.  You’re lucky I got the call and not one of my deputies.”

“How I discipline my son is no one’s business.  I don’t care what some bleeding heart doctor thinks.”

“I know that, Jesse,” Jim tries to calm him.  “But I can’t always be around to cover for you.”

“I’m not going to coddle him like you do your son.  Alex is a Manes.  He needs to toughen up.  Until he figures that out, he can take whatever punishment he deserves.”

“Just keep him out of the hospital and there won’t be a problem.”

Alex hears Jim walk away, and he’s back on the table, expression blank by the time his father opens the door.

3.

Alex doesn’t see Maria the day after Haley Moore’s party.  His penalty for taking part in Battle of the Bands is a day at his father’s mercy.  Alex cleans out the garage and runs through his father’s training course three times just to prove music doesn’t make him weak.  By the time the sun sets he is sore and exhausted and wants to die, but he’s been uncharacteristically cooperative all day so Jesse doesn’t object when Alex says he wants to shower and go to bed.

Back in his room, he picks up his phone and wonders if he should call Maria.  He knows what happens during ‘seven minutes in heaven’ doesn’t count once you leave the closet, and Maria hadn’t acted any different the rest of the night, but Alex can’t help but think about it.

It felt nice - kissing Maria, letting his hand brush across her chest.  He thinks he could do it again, and Alex never really imagined kissing a girl before.  Maybe if he could kiss Maria, be her boyfriend, his dad would back off.  Jesse doesn’t really like Maria, says she’s from bad stock - a father no one remembers and a mother who acts stranger every year.  But she’s a girl, and if Alex could love her, he wouldn’t be gay, wouldn’t be a sissy disgrace like Jesse says he is.

Alex thinks about it the rest of the night.  He tries to imagine his future with Maria. Maybe they would stay in Roswell together, and they’d still have their band and they could play at the Wild Pony once they were old enough.  Alex never thought much about having a family, but he thinks Maria would be a good mother - the kind who smiled and laughed and made kids feel loved.  He loves Maria, Alex knows that, so if he could learn to be in love with her, he could be happy, and it would be safe.

He’s still thinking about when he meets Maria at the Crashdown the next night to work on a science project.  Maria smiles at him like she always does, but she doesn’t try to hold his hand or anything.  They get their actual work done quickly, but Alex told his dad they had a lot to do so they have plenty of time to just hang out.

“Kate Long stopped by before you got here,” Maria tells him.

“I’m sorry,” Alex wrinkles his nose.  Kate is a bitch and she always gives Maria a hard time.

“Me too.  But she dropped her notebook, and I could see where she was writing ‘Kate Bernhardt’ over and over again.”

“Gross,” Alex and Maria both pretend to gag.

“No offense, Alex, but if we get married, I am not changing my name to Manes,” Maria says casually, almost like a joke.

Alex wrinkles his nose, “I’d rather be a DeLuca.”

“Alex Deluca,” Maria hums around the name as if considering it. “Mom would like that.”

“Yeah?”  Mimi is the closest person to a mother Alex has had in years.  He likes the idea of being her family officially.  “I’ll help you, you know, take care of her.”  Alex doesn’t mean only in this fantasy world where they get married, and he can tell by the way Maria’s expression softens that she understands.

“I know you will.”  She reaches across the table and squeezes his hand.  It’s not romantic but it still feels good.

Flint’s waiting for him when he gets home.  “Didn’t know girls were allowed in your kind of  closet, Alex.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  He tries to shoulder past Flint, but Flint boxes him into the corner of the room.

“Heard you spent seven minutes of heaven with Maria DeLuca.  Didn’t know you had it in you.  She put out?” Flint asks with a leer.

Alex pushes him, hard.  “Don’t talk about Maria like that.”

“Chill out,” Flint rolls his eyes and follows Alex into the bedroom.  “I just never thought I’d get to talk about girls with my sissy little brother.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Alex glares at Flint.

“Then you can shut up and listen and maybe you’ll get it right next time.”  Flint lays back in the bed, crossing his arms under his head.  “First time I did seven minutes in heaven it was with Missy Osborne.  Everyone knows she’s easy so I figured I hit the jackpot.  She let me touch her boobs, under her bra.  And God, I almost shot my load right there.  Walked around hard the rest of the night.”

Flint keeps talking but Alex tunes him out.  It hadn’t felt like that with Maria.  Kissing her felt good and safe, he would do it again, but it wasn’t like that.  Alex wonders if maybe there is something wrong with him after all.

(He feels like that with Michael.  Just brushing their hands together makes Alex’s skin tingle where they touched..  When Michael kisses him for the first time, Alex feels like his whole body is on fire.  That feeling never goes away.)

4.

Alex is walking to the store after his shift at the museum when he sees Maria scrubbing graffiti from the brick outside the Crashdown.

“Need some help?” he asks, taking a sponge from the bucket. 

“Thanks,” Maria looks up and gives him a watery smile.  “Mr. Ortecho says to leave it.  There’ll  just be more tomorrow.  But I can’t.  It’s only been a few weeks, and they just won’t stop.”

Alex nods.  He’s barely seen Maria, seen anyone since the funeral.  But he’s heard about the harassment Mr. Ortecho has been dealing with and it makes him sick.  “Sorry I haven’t been around to help.  My dad’s been on me extra hard.”

“I think all our parents are,” Maria says sadly.  “Mom only lets me come here for a few hours and wants me at home the rest of the time.”

It’s not the same at all with Jesse, but Alex just nods.

“I can’t believe I forgot,” Maria suddenly exclaims.  “I never asked you about museum guy.”

“Museum guy?”

“You sent me this text, ‘On my break I had the best kiss of my life’ and then nothing.  Come on Alex, you can’t leave me hanging.”

If it weren’t for her bloodshot eyes, she’d look like the Maria he’d always known.  He wonders if Maia’s been happy about anything since Rosa died, and he can’t bring himself to tell her that moment led to a different tragedy.  So he tries to remember how he felt when he sent that text, how he felt before his father destroyed it all.

Alex closes his eyes and it is easier than he expected to remember everything about that moment in the museum.  How he’d been afraid Michael was there to tell him off or beat him up, but then Michael kissed him and everything changed.  He knew, finally, who he was, knew there was someone who wanted him as he was.  It was the best moment of his life.

When Alex opens his eyes, Maria gasps as the smile on his face. “It was the most amazing kiss,” he begins.

“How amazing?”  Maria teases.

“So amazing I would stay in Roswell forever if he would just keep kissing me.”

Maria laughs, and it’s a happy sound even if they both know he’s lying.  Alex can’t stay in Roswell - the town will kill him if his father doesn’t do it first.  But it’s nice to imagine a world where Michael is enough to change all that.

“Who is it?” Maria asks.

“I can’t,” Alex’s smile dims.  He already failed Michael by not keeping him a secret, he won’t do it again.  “He’s not out.  I can’t tell you.”

Maria nods.  “But he’s good to you, right?”

“He’s perfect,” and Alex means it.  When it’s just him and Michael, he’s happier than he ever imagined he could be.  He already feels Michael slipping away when they’re apart, and he can’t blame him.  Michael was hurt because of him, because Alex wasn’t careful, because he couldn’t protect him.  

But Alex is clinging to the future he wants for them despite his father’s threats and pressure to enlist.  Michael has a scholarship.  If he gets out of Roswell, Alex can follow him.  He’s been doing research for years, he knows how to hide.  They can change their names so his father can’t find them.  Not the same name, not now, but someday Alex thinks, when he knows they are safe, they can share a name, share a life for real.  One his father can’t take away.

Alex doesn’t tell Maria all that.  Right now they both need to pretend everything is like it was a few weeks ago.  Alex is falling in love, and Rosa’s alive and nothing hurts.

Alex thinks about kissing Michael in the bed of his truck, the sun on their face, Michael’s hair soft in his hands.  He thinks about how carefully Michael always presses his lips against Alex’s until Alex opens his mouth and then it’s like Michael can’t get enough.  He thinks about how Michael’s skin feels under his hands, how he loves to feel the beat of Michael’s heart in his chest.  He thinks about how tightly Michael holds him in sleep like he’s trying to hold Alex in place.  And he thinks about how desperately he wants to stay in Michael’s arms forever.

“He’s perfect,” Alex tells Maria again.  “He makes me happy.”

“He’d better or he’ll have to answer to me,” Maria makes a fist, and they both laugh.  “I’m so happy for you.  You deserve this.”

Alex nods and turns back to the graffiti before Maria can see the way his smile falters.

5.

Alex leans back against the headboard and watches as Forrest starts to get dressed.  He’s enjoying the way Forrest’s briefs stretch across his ass as he stands up to look for his shirt when Forrest sits back on the bed, phone in hand.

“I envy you, getting out of Roswell for a while,” he tells Alex as he reads his message.

Alex is leaving the next morning to track down the remains of Project Shepherd, but told Forrest he was on a long term recruiting assignment.  Forrest had come over with take out and a strip of condoms to ‘see Alex off.’

“Maybe if I’m in one place long enough, you can come visit,” Alex offers.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Forrest turns to Alex with a smile before going back to typing furiously on his phone.  “I am definitely ready for a change of scenery.”  Forrest tosses the phone on the bed before pulling on his pants.

“Everything ok?” Alex asks, surprised by the bitterness lacing Forrest’s voice.  He’s never really seen him irritated before.

“Sorry, it’s just my uncle scolding me for offending one of his cronies.  He likes to remind me that everything I do reflects on the Long name,” Forrest rolls his eyes.

“What happened?”

“Some guy came up to me at the diner and wanted to know why I hadn’t been at the last few meetings of the Roswell Regiment.  He told me my family had a long standing tradition of standing between Roswell and undesirable elements, and it was time for my generation to step up.”

“Ouch,” Alex commiserated. He knew more than most about the weight of unwanted family legacies.

“I told him I was too busy sucking cock to play cowboys and Indians with the people on the wrong side of history.

Alex laughs because he can hear Forrest saying that.  “Well if they had a meeting in the last hour,” Alex pretends to look at a watch he’s not wearing, “I can vouch for your story.”

“I’m sure he’d appreciate the first hand account.”  Forrest sighs and runs his hand through his hair.  “You’d think between my hair and the general aurora of gay, they would understand that white supremacy and racism aren’t really my thing.  But they think all Longs are the same.”

“Being a Long sounds as bad as being a Manes,” Alex tells him.

“Does that mean you won’t take my name when we get married?”  Forrest asks, all smiles again.

“Absolutely not,” Alex says without even needing to think about it.

Forrest clutches his hands over his heart and gasps dramatically, pretending to be hurt.

It’s cute; Forrest is cute so Alex leans forward and kisses him.  He ignores the twist of wrongness in his stomach at the thought of marrying someone other than Michael.  He knows he and Michael are over for good, but he isn’t ready to start thinking about anyone else with the same seriousness.  

When Forrest kisses him back, Alex moves so he is straddling Forrest’s lap.  “Besides,” he whispers against his lips, “I’m not the marrying type.”

“Oh?” Forrest asks, sliding his hands under Alex’s ass and pulling him closer.  “What type are you?”

Alex bites back his instinctive response of ‘not the type who gets a happy ending.’  Things with Forrest are fun and easy, and Alex wants to keep them that way.  He pushes Forrest onto his back  and tells him, “I guess you’ll just have to find out,” before kissing him again and making sure talking is the last thing on either of their minds.

+1

Michael isn’t the first person he tells or even the second.  Alex doesn’t think anything of it because to him it’s obvious, and it never occurs to him that Michael just won’t know.

He tells Greg when Greg calls to confirm he can’t make the wedding.

“I’m so sorry, Alex.  I have an oral exam and an observation that can’t be rescheduled,” Greg says with obvious regret.

“It’s ok,” Alex reassures him.  He’d love to have Greg there - he’s the only real family Alex has.  But they didn’t really give him any notice.  “If we were planning ahead we would pick a date that works for everyone, but.” Alex trails off, not sure how to articulate the urgency he and Michael feel. Why waiting just isn’t an option.

“I get it, Alex, I really do.  After everything you and Michael have been through, you want to grab your happiness as soon as you can.  I am just so happy for you, for both of you.  And I’ll be back in a few months so you can show me all the pictures, videos, everything.”

“I think Isobel has an Oscar worthy production planned,” Alex laughs.

“I can’t wait,” Greg replies warmly.

“There’s one more thing,” Alex begins hesitantly.  “I’m taking Michael’s name.”

Greg doesn’t respond and the silence stretches out.  Alex hopes Greg doesn’t object.  It won’t change anything, Alex has made his decision.  But he’d like to have Greg’s support.

“Greg?” Alex prompts.

“Alex,” Greg says, voice thick before he clears his throat.  “I’m so proud of you.  I know how hard it’s been for you to let go of all the bullshit Dad shoved down your throat, to forget about the Manes legacy.  I’ve been afraid for a long time that you would never be able to put it behind you.  And now you're marrying the love of your life and starting a whole new life.  I don’t even know what to say.”

“You’re not upset?”  Alex can’t stop himself from asking.

“You’re my brother, Alex. I love you, and I want you to be happy.  That’s it.”

“Thanks,” Alex says, his own throat tight.  He wants to tell Greg he loves him too, but those aren’t words that were ever said in his house.  It’s been hard enough learning to say them to Michael, to stop feeling like it was safer to hold them inside.  But there’s something else he can say that Greg will understand.  “I want that for you too - happiness.  I’m free now, Greg, and I want you to be too.”

Alex stops by Eduardo’s office the next day.  

“What are you doing here,” Eduardo asks when he spots Alex in the doorway.  “Don’t you have a wedding in less than twenty four hours?”

“Kyle wanted a final checkup,” Alex shrugs.

“And?” Eduardo asks, eyes narrowing in concern.

“Clean bill of health,” Alex reassures him.  “And speaking of the wedding, I was hoping I could ask you for a favor.”

“Of course.”

“You know Michael and I have a honeymoon planned,” he begins.

“Yes, a month, I believe,” Eduardo fills in.  “That can be extended if you want more time.”

“I’m learning I’ll always want more time with Michael,” Alex laughs.  “But I think a month away is a good start.  Once we’re married, I want to change my name to Guerin.  I know the process can take time, and I don’t want to wait until we get back from our honeymoon to get started.  I was wondering if there is anything Deep Sky can do to speed things up?”

Eduardo leans back in his chair and smiles.  “Just leave everything to me.”

Alex feels Michael stumble just a bit when he tells him he’ll be signing his checks ‘Alex Guerin” from now on.  He accepts Alex’s explanation without any further questions, and then there’s so much going on - well wishes and goodbyes, Max leaving, finally putting Roswell behind them even if it’s only for a month - that they don’t talk about it again.

Three days into their honeymoon, when they return to their hotel after dinner, the concierge hands them an envelope he says was delivered for them earlier.

The outside just has their room number, no indication of who it’s from.  It’s the right size for weight for pictures.  Alex turns it over in his hands before holding it out to Michael.

“Maybe Isobel dropped off wedding pictures,” Michael speculates, coming to the same conclusion, when holding it up to the light doesn’t yield anymore information.

“I doubt Isobel drove six hours to drop off wedding pictures.”

“Only one way to find out,” Michael shrugs and hands the envelope back to Alex.

Alex sits at the small table in what passes for a dining area in their suite and waits for Michael to join him before he opens it.  He pulls out the contents and lets out a small gasp.  Alex holds his driver’s license, now labeled ‘Alex Guerin” in his hands, lets his updated passport and credit cards fall to the table.

Michael leans closer to see what he’s holding.  “That was fast,” he comments, picking up and skimming the note Eduardo left. He congratulates them again and lets Alex know the rest of his updated documents - employee ID, bank accounts, social security card - are locked in the safe in his office.

Alex’s hands shake as he stares at the ID.  He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Michael wipes a tear from his cheek.

“Hey, we can change it back,” he tells Alex, looking at him with concern.  “It’s ok if you changed your mind.”  Michael leaves his chair and turns Alex away from the table so he can crouch in front of him.

“No,” Alex pulls Michael up and kisses him.  “No,” he repeats,finally dropping the license so he can cradle Michael’s face in his hands and kiss him again. He hopes Michael can feel his happiness, his joy because he finds himself fumbling for words to explain what it means to see his name in writing.

“I want to rent a car,” he says when Michael pulls back and goes back to his own chair, holding Alex’s hands in his.

“What?” Michael asks, concern returning to his face.  “I know the truck’s old, but she’ll get us where we need to go.”

“No, I mean,” Alex shakes his head, frustrated with himself for communicating so poorly.  “Sorry, it was just the first thing I thought of that would require an ID.  I want to show off my new name.”

“Proud of it, huh?” Michael laughs, but Alex can hear the underlying hesitation.

“Michael, you have no idea.  I want to tell everyone.  I wish I was young enough to get carded.”

“I’m glad,” Michael says quietly, squeezing Alex’s hands.  “I’m glad it feels good to let that part of your past go.”

“It is, but it’s not just about the past.  When I saw this - saw ‘Alex Guerin’ in writing - I realized it’s less about letting something go than it is about moving forward.  Being a Manes meant something, and no matter how hard I tried, I could never escape it completely,” Alex takes a breath, relieved to feel that burden gone.  “But I’m not Alex Manes anymore.  I’m Alex Guerin, and I get to decide what that means.  That’s what I care about, who I am now, learning how to be your husband, building our life together.”  He pulled Michael’s left hand to his mouth and kissed his wedding ring.

Michael picks up Alex’s discarded license and studies.  He strokes his thumb over the picture before setting it down.  “I never cared about my name.  It wasn’t mine, it was just something they gave me because they had to.  I can’t tell you what it means or if there are Guerin family traditions, and even if there are, it wouldn’t matter because they aren’t mine.  Funny isn’t it, your name came with the worst family baggage imaginable and mine came with nothing, and we both suffered for it.”

“Michael,” Alex says helplessly, seeing the tears in Michael’s eyes. He reaches for him - to offer comfort, to fix what can’t be fixed - he doesn’t know.  “Your name means something, it had a history that you gave it - omelet breakfasts and secret lairs and music and undying devotion.”

“I’m not upset, Alex,” Michael leans back and tangles their feet together.  “I’m just so,” his eyes drift back to the table, covered in documents bearing the name ‘Alex Guerin.’  He turns back to Alex, and while the tears are still there, his smile outshines them.  “Thank you for wanting to share my name, for making it ours, for wanting to start traditions with me that we can share with our family one day - however that looks.”

Alex shakes his head, too overwhelmed to speak.

“And I promise we can rent cars and join every gym and grocery store and casino membership plan we can find just so we can show off our name.  But first I want to take my husband to bed and make love to him.”

Michael stands up and holds out his hand to Alex.  He lets Michael pull him up, then walks toward the bed unbuttoning his shirt as he goes.  “I love you, Michael Guerin,” he says as Michael pushes him onto bed and begins to undo his pants.

Michael’s answering smile is both wicked and sweet.  “I love you, too, Alex Guerin.”

[dayscrazed]

Final chapter in the Malex Oklahoma AU!

After the open mic night, Alex runs into Forrest. Then, Michael and Alex finally get a peek at the alien artifact. Jesse threatens Alex. Then, the aliens and their allies prepare for a potential threat at CrashCon. In the aftermath, Michael supports Alex.

[kmr2268]

Quick Glance Into Malex's Future

Forrest took a deep breath as he looked down the familiar block. It was just over three years since he had last been back in Roswell. —It had been a good few years but returning he had been hit anew with how much he had missed having Alex Manes in his life and suddenly, there was Alex loading bags into the back seat of his car. It had to be a sign.

“Hey Manes” Alex didn’t turn so Forrest dashed down the block and tapped his shoulder “Alex” 

Alex turned to face him and smiled “Forrest—how’ve you been?”

”Good—would you have time to grab a cup of coffee and catch up?” 

There it was—Alex’s face softened and his eyes were filled with so much love—everything Forrest ever hoped to see so it took a split second for him to realize Alex wasn’t looking at him. He was looking over his shoulder — passed him.

Forrest turned part way to follow Alex’s gaze to see a tall man with a black cowboy hat. The man was walking slowly while he carefully balanced a tray with two coffees in his right hand and tilted down to the left to hold the hand of a toddling little girl proudly carrying a Crashdown bag.  

As they got closer, Alex bent down with his arms opened wide. The cowboy let go and the little girl excitedly held the bag out as she ran forward “Papa dough”, she cried.

Alex scooped her up and laughing met the cowboy’s eyes “I thought Daddy wasn’t going to get doughnuts” 

He smiled. “It wasn’t me—this one” he affectionally ruffled the little girl’s hair “has Arturo wrapped around her little finger—she looks at him, smiles and doughnuts appear” 

Alex smiled tenderly—“Well she does have your smile” 

Michael met his smile and gently caressed his shoulder “I always thought it was because she has your eyes.” 

The scene was so intimate it hit Forrest like a gut punch. He managed to steady himself with a “Hey Guerin” 

Alex turned slightly as he suddenly remembered Forrest and Michael nodded but before he could answer the little girl chimed in “Dats us” 

Alex smiled, “That’s right my smart girl that’s our family. Can you tell our friend Mr. Forrest your name?” “

“I Nowa Alexandwa Guwin” 

Forrest felt the last vestages of his hopes slip away—“How old are you?” She raises two fingers. 

“Two wow— you’re a big girl.” Forrest turned to Alex, “I can’t believe your a father, it seems…

“Go see brudder. Share Doughs” Cried the little girl to her dads. 

Michael laughed as took the squirming toddler. “Aunt Bonnie will probably love a donut . To Alex he said, “I’ll get Nora into the car — they are going to be waiting for us.”

Forrest looked at Alex - “Brother?”

“Our son is due in a week or so — we are on the way to a doctor’s appointment to see a sonogram but I would like to catch up. Why not come by the house — we’re always there these days.”

“I’ll see — It’s good to see you Manes.”

Alex smiled — “Actually, it’s Guerin, now.”

Forrest stood watching as the family pulled away. Alex Manes really was gone…

[dr-lizortecho]

actually iconic behavior is Alex acting all disgruntled about being accused of liking Max all “Angsty Nerd isn’t really my type” for the second an Angsty Nerd -not shaped like a rival love interest- walks up to him he’s all “I could tap that”

[winnie-the-monster]

Why does this still hurt? 😢

[accal1a]

I just need you all to know I'm never getting over Forlex. Thank you.

[alexguerinappreciation]

Words: 933 Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Forrest Long/Alex Manes Characters: Alex Manes, Forrest Long Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Canon Queer Relationship, Date Night, Open Mic Night, Boys Kissing, alex manes appreciation, Alex Manes Deserves Nice Things, No Beta for the Wicked Summary:

Alex and Forrest + Date Night @ the Wild Pony

[tofeelthecold]

alex tags

[pastelwitchling]

Hey I was wondering if you could write something where Michael runs into Forrest somewhere in town and after a conversation Michael realizes how seriously bad things were for Alex, and how close he was to losing Alex in a whole different way and Forrest pretty much saved him from that.

I just keep thinking back to how depressed Alex was during that season and his line in episode 10. I feel like hai mental health should have been focused on a lot more. Considering how serious some of the stuff going on with him has been.

***

It was one of those mornings. Michael had woken up with Alex in his arms, rarely the first of them awake. He got to watch his husband sleep, not daring to so much as kiss his closed eyes for fear of ruining the peace.

“I worship you,” he’d whispered against Alex’s cheek, and taking advantage of the opportunity, decided to slip out of bed and grab them breakfast so that Alex woke to something sweet.

He leaned his elbows on the Crashdown counter now where Liz stood behind the cash register, humming Alex’s song to himself.

“Someone’s smiley,” Liz grinned. “Where’s your better half?”

“Still sleeping,” Michael said. “Doesn’t really do that much.”

“He doesn’t?” she blinked. “Oh wow, you’re right. Now that I think about it, I don’t think he slept much through high school either. Huh.” She shook her head, sighing. “Well, that’s always been the Manes allure, you know? Alex has always been a little hard to really know.”

Michael smirked. “Not to me.”

Liz chuckled. “I’ll have your order ready in a sec.”

“Thanks,” he said, and sniffed. The bell above the diner door jingled and Michael, by instinct, threw a glance over his shoulder. He did a doubletake, any semblance of a smile gone.

Forrest Long caught his eyes as he approached the counter, and smiled. “No way. Alien Guy.”

“Nazi Guy,” Michael said, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. His journey with Forrest over the years had gone from indifference to anger to panic as he’d noticed the way Forrest and Alex looked at each other, and now his feelings towards the poet historian was a dull fear and anger that lingered in the corners of his mind and threatened to overwhelm him.

He was suddenly very glad Alex wasn’t here.

Forrest leaned on the counter next to him, eyes falling to his ring. “You really got married.”

Michael raised a brow. “You don’t sound surprised.”

He grinned in that easy way he always seemed to be able to do. “Alex told me.”

Michael nodded, eyes widening just fractionally. “Alex told you?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged a shoulder in that cool way he always seemed to be able to do. “We keep in touch.”

“Ah.”

Michael had tried to sound disinterested. Based on the way Forrest stared, he didn’t think he’d succeeded.

“We care about each other, Guerin,” he said. “But that’s all. Hey,” he patted Michael’s arm, “I’m happy for you guys, really. Alex deserves everything he wants and he’s always wanted you.”

Michael looked down, the tension in his chest loosening slowly. “And I’ve always wanted him.”

“Yeah,” he scoffed. “I know. You don’t think I ever noticed the way you looked at me whenever I was with him? You’re not exactly subtle, Guerin.”

“Not about Alex,” he conceded. “So you’re staying in town? Or just passing through?”

Forrest chuckled, shaking his head. “I know what you want me to say, but I’m actually staying for about two weeks. I have some work left with my last bosses,” he said quietly, referring to Deep Sky.

Michael nodded to show he understood. “Alex is doing pretty well over there,” he said, not without some pride in his voice. “But I guess you already know that, too.”

“Not actually shocked,” Forrest admitted. “I always knew he was a genius.”

“Again,” Michael tilted his head. “You know we’re married, right?”

Forrest laughed. “Yes, Guerin, I’m aware. Look, what do you want me to say? He’s smart, I’m not surprised that he’s kicking ass. Just . . .” he faltered. “Is he . . . doing okay?”

“What, with marriage?” Michael was unable to help but square his shoulders a little bit. “Oh he loves it. Never been happier.”

“No,” Forrest said, his smile soft. “But that’s good. I’m talking about . . . him.” He tapped his temple with two fingers. “Up here?”

Slowly, like understanding the picture of a puzzle that was only partly put together, Michael realized what he meant. Something Alex had said to him two years ago suddenly echoed in his memory now.

“I need to believe in a reason to stay.”

Michael had wanted nothing more than to hold Alex then. Tell him he was the only one. Kiss him and promise him he loved him until the tremble in his lower lip went away and he never said anything like that again. He never stopped regretting what had actually happened.

He had no idea that Forrest had seen that in him. Had Alex said the words to Forrest, too? Had he told him first?

“How’d you know about that?” he asked.

“We talked a lot,” Forrest said. “And . . . we’ve both been there. Only difference is that it got easier for me over the years that I stopped . . . it stopped getting that bad. But Alex . . . he’d never say it out loud, but it was other things, you know? Small things. How indifferent he was to getting hurt, how numb he could look. If I’m being honest, that’s the real reason I worried about Deep Sky recruiting him, and I told him that, too. It wasn’t that I was worried he’d get killed. I worried that he’d try to.”

Michael stared. And stared and stared and stared. He’d thought that incident in the bunker had been Alex’s slipup. A little dark thought thrown out in the heat of an argument. Deep down, he’d wanted to deny that it had ever held any real weight, even as he knew it had.

He just hadn’t imagined it was always this bad. Then a terrifying thought hit.

What if Michael had been too late to act? What if he’d pushed Alex just a little harder? Alex had been getting worse and worse and Michael had seen that pain in him. He’d just chosen to push it aside and ignore it.

He’d chosen to hurt Alex more.

“It’s a good thing he has you now,” he said and smiled as a waitress handed him a to-go bag. “I mean, Alex has always been a little hard to really know.”

“Yeah,” he murmured, brows knitted as Forrest left, though Michael was stuck in his thoughts. “Hard to know.”

 Michael came home to find Alex’s back turned to him in bed, the smooth expanse of skin and muscle making Michael’s fingers twitch, the blanket draped across his hips as he scrolled through his texts.

Alex looked over his shoulder as Michael stepped into the room. “You’re back,” he smiled, and his eyes fell to the tray in Michael’s hands. “And you got breakfast?”

“I wanted to make it back before you woke up,” he said, and instead of waiting for Alex to sit up to place the tray on his lap, he set the tray on the nightstand, pulled back the blanket, and lied down behind Alex, wrapping him in his arms.

Alex’s naked back pressed to Michael’s clothed chest. Michael buried his face in the crook of Alex’s neck, breathing him in. Alex covered Michael’s arms on his stomach.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

Michael hummed, and negated that instantly but hugging Alex tighter. “I love you, Manes. I’ve always loved you. I’m sorry I didn’t show it like I should’ve.”

Alex said nothing a moment. Then he turned over in Michael’s hold to face him. His fingers grazed Michael’s jaw, his thumb ran along Michael’s lower lip. Then his lips quirked, amused.

“You saw Forrest, didn’t you?”

“Saw him,” Michael said thickly and swallowed. “Talked to him.”

“I love you,” Alex promised, and Michael slung a leg over both of his.

“I know,” he said. “But I don’t know why. I didn’t take care of you when I knew you were hurting, Alex. I didn’t know if you’d want me to take care of you, but I should’ve done it anyway. You’re all I’ve ever cared about and I should’ve showed you better.”

“Guerin—”

“Long told me about all this stuff he knew about you like I should’ve known it, too, and I did, Alex, but I didn’t do anything about it.”

Alex cupped Michael cheeks, silencing him. “Michael.” He nuzzled Michael’s nose. “I’m okay. Okay? I’m okay.” He sighed. “We’re not those people anymore. It’s you and me now. I’m okay.”

Michael spread his fingers across Alex’s lower back, his other hand covering Alex’s hand on his cheek. “And if you weren’t—”

“You’d be the first to know,” he promised.

Michael held him closer. “I need you to trust me with everything.”

“I do.”

He gave a wet laugh despite himself at the words Alex had used to marry him. Alex smiled like he could read Michael’s mind and hugged him, pressing his face to Michael’s collarbone.

“I love you, too, by the way,” Alex said. “In case it wasn’t obvious.”

Michael squeezed him until they were both laughing again.

“It is,” he said. “That’s why there’s no way in hell you’re going to Deep Sky to see Long without me there. I don’t want him to forget who you chose.”

Alex chuckled, scrunching his shoulders and curling deeper into Michael’s warmth. “Sounds like you’re warming up to him.”

***

Happy malex Monday ❤️ I’m out of town this week, so I prepared this fic almost a week ago and saved it in my drafts to post today.

[inkedmuses]

WELCOME!!!!

V. 30+. EST. Minors DNI. 21+ only.

Private and selective multimuse indie rp blog feat. muses from 911 LS / 911 / RNM / and more to come.

*** Currently on iPad / app mode because my laptop is dead and I cannot get one for now. ICONLESS REPLIES for the time being. Please don’t let that hinder your opinion of maybe interacting with me. I love my muses and I love writing them. ***

Rules || Memes || Muses listed under the cut

Other blogs: @ttheagcd

affiliated with: soulwaned / hstoryhuh / ssolessurvivor / shadowbrn / legeandary

List of muses (always subject to change):

Active muses:

TV SHOWS:

Evan “Buck” Buckley — 911 (canonly bisexual) — mun ships both bud.die and buck.tommy.

Tommy Kinard — 911 — (canonly homosexual)

Michael Guerin — RNM —(canonly bisexual)

John B. Routledge — OBX (bisexual)

Derek Hale — Teen Wolf (bisexual)

Edward Cullen —HEAVILY headcanon based, set within the IWTV show / fc: Nicholas Galitzine (bisexual)

LITERATURE:

Garrett Graham — Off Campus series / post book canon / fc: James Lafferty (bisexual)

Dean Hayward Di Laurentis — Off Campus series / post book canon / fc: Rudy Pankow (bisexual)

John Logan — Off Campus series / post book canon / fc: Dacre Montgomery (bisexual)

Miles Novak — Funny Story / fc: Dylan O’Brien (bisexual)

TESTING

LITERATURE

Prince Eric — Prince Of Song & Sea ; The Little Mermaid ; fc: Jonah Hauer-King (bisexual)

Prince Phillip — Prince Of Thorns & Nightmares ; fc: Drew Starkey (bisexual)

Prince Charming — Prince Of Glass and Midnight ; fc: Nicholas Galitzine. (bisexual)

Luke Ryder — Campus Diaries series / post book canon / fc: Gregg Sulkin

BY REQUEST:

Reggie Mantle — Archie Comics / Reggie and Me based. NOT COMPLIANT WITH RIVER/DALE (bisexual)

Stiles Stilinski — Teen Wolf (bisexual) - does not ship sty.dia.

EXCLUSIVE:

Forrest Long — RNM ; soulwaned’s Alex Manes.

[alienidentities-f22a]

Fan Work Analysis Blog post

After scouring through the endless masses of fan edits, the fan video that stood out to me the most is “Michael & Alex | Their Cosmic Love Story.” Aside from the length of the video, the overall project is incredibly impressive due to the careful selection of filters and songs to create an alluring ambiance. Each clip is carefully selected to span their entire relationship through all of their peaks and hardships to illustrate the complexity and depth of their love. Dissecting the clips in this video, I will primarily be focusing on the masterful song choice and the quality of the visual effects and transitions.

To begin, the creator of this fan video assigned each season of the show to a song by Taylor Swift that encapsulates the status of their relationship. For season one, the creator used “The State of Grace (Acoustic Version)” by Taylor Swift. As the first song on Red, the creator recaps the beginning of Alex and Michael’s relationship with a slower, more romantic acoustic version that allows their chemistry to shine. "The State of Grace" is about a romantic relationship because, prior to their breakup, Taylor Swift dated actor Jake Gyllenhaal for many months. Ultimately, the song's subject is to describe the initial feelings of falling in love for the first time, which is the case for Alex and Michael.

Taylor Swift wished to convey to her listeners the experience of falling in love by discussing the several paths that love may go. As we are all aware, love may be wonderful or harmful, and Alex and Michael's relationship exemplifies this because of their unwavering happiness while together and wishful longing while apart. The lyrics like “This is a state of grace, this is the worthwhile fight, Love is a ruthless game, Unless you play it good and right,” exemplify how their love is able to withstand so many roadblocks, especially Alex’s father, and make them feel even more connected afterward.

The lyric match of “pierce the room like a cannonball” when Jesse Manes caught Alex and Michael having sex, who then smashed Michael’s hand with a hammer indicates how perfect the song choice is for this relationship. Combined with the softer colors in the scenes, it is clear that Michael and Alex’s experiences of falling in love were undoubtedly positive and fulfilling.

For the second season, Taylor Swift’s “Champagne Problems” echoes over the intimate moments between Alex and Michael to illustrate their relationship’s depth. In the beginning, the creator inserts clips of Alex and Michael while apart with the failed proposal, playing “I dropped your hand while dancing” in the background. This lyric match is perfect because it properly conveys the feelings of isolation, loneliness, and rejection, creating a more somber atmosphere.

Once Alex and Michael begin to mend their relationship, Michael begins to push away because he feels unworthy of Alex’s love, which correlates with the lyrics of “leaving him out there standing.” Towards the end of the song, too, it talks about Taylor’s ex-boyfriend moving on a finding someone else, which creates a feeling of longing to rekindle past feelings.

The lyrics “tapestry that I shred” aligns with the scenes of Alex talking to Forrest and trying to move on from Michael, which is a perfect match. Later, Michael says, “it’s a sad story, me and Alex” and then proceeds to show the pictures of Alex and Forrest kissing. Indeed, the lyrics, the clips, and the narrative all fit harmoniously to span the highs and lows of their relationship.

For the last part of the video, the creator uses Taylor Swift’s “Willow” and “Message in a Bottle” to capture the complexity of Alex and Michael’s relationship. Especially with Alex’s involvement in Deep Sky, the video and audio correlate with the “more that you say, the less I know” because Michael does not really know about Alex’s work. Later, the song asks to “show me the places where the others gave you scars,” which relates to their relationship because of their collective past trauma.

Throughout the video, the creator talks about the difficulty of “tough conversations with people who love us,” corresponding to the “scars” that Taylor writes about in her songs. Again, the song choice perfectly captures the complexity of Alex and Michael’s relationship through their hardships and highlights, making it perhaps the best video made about Roswell, New Mexico.

[the-innefable-idiot]

welcome home

Hello yall!!!

This is my 3k fic based on the fic "another part of me could be you" by @spaceskam. I honestly don't know how to classify this, but you can consider a homage (?) to her work.

This pretty much a fanfic of a fanfic... yeah. I know.

Every feedback is welcome, both for plot/characterization and grammar/ponctuation. English is not my first language, so I usually right phrases that only make perfect sense to me. I want your reading to be as enjoyable as possible! :D

Please, enjoy!

Also on AO3.

-

Oh, I hope someday I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes all night or a hundred years

Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near

Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear

(Lovely, Billie Eilish feat. Khalid)

Michael almost looses Alex for the second time, and now je realises it's time for him to get his act together. He just wasn't expecting all the love and support he got.

- 

Home is a concept that Michael never quite understood. Sure, he lived in many houses, but the goodbyes were never emotional. He knows that home is not the structure, but the feelings attached to some place, something or someone. Whenever he thought of home, blurred memories from outer space came to mind. The feeling of belonging was strong, even if he couldn’t attach an image to it. 

Michael used to spend hours fantasizing on how to turn a house into a home. A collection of mugs nicely displayed in the dining room. Vinyls and cds on one shelf and books on another, with a nice record player nearby. Some musical instruments considered weird by western standards. The walls covered with pictures of people and places he loved alongside posters of movies and bands he enjoyed. Had he grown up in a nice home, he would probably have been those kids with a camera in hand at all times, capturing moments around him.

Once he knew he was so, but so close to understand the meaning of home. He was thinking about buying a camera literally moments before his hand was shattered by a psychopath. Since then he swore to never raise his hopes. The day drinking and the bar fighting were the ways he made sure to never expect anything from anyone. Alex symbolized everything he wanted to have, but couldn’t, so he was determined to go for a simpler route. 

With Maria things were nice. A little bit more complicated than he expected, but still nice. Sure, she wouldn't be moving to the airstream anytime soon, but the relationship was nice. Her place has a few of his things: a toothbrush, a few pieces of clothing neatly folded in one corner of a drawer, a few bottles of beer and whiskey, a handful of books and even some mechanical tools he forgot to take back to his place. Michael never enjoyed making Maria to spend the night at the airstream, first because the overall place was tiny and uncomfortable, and second because her house had the whole atmosphere he dreamt about.

It was clear the effort they were putting into the relationship. Maybe a bit too much of an effort, some might say. As the time passed, everyone close to them noticed how the smiles between them stopped reaching their eyes. Michael would never admit it, but Alex being kidnapped only sped up the inevitable.

Michael knew something bad happened before Forrest came to him in the middle of a panic attack. He had this prickling feeling on his neck that something was just not right since he opened his eyes that morning. Now he was gripping the steering wheel of his truck and focusing on not letting his powers break something. The adrenalin rush being the only thing keeping him from having a mental breakdown. Actually, filling in Forrest with the whole alien thing was a great distraction because of the many details and intricate history he had to cover. Maybe Forrest noticed it and kept asking questions to ground Michael to the task at hand. Maybe Michael will find a way to subtly thank him later for that. Just maybe.

After finding a path of bodies that lead to a bleeding Alex on the floor, Michael felt like breathing for the first time that day. The relief was short, however, and the moment he saw the deadly wound (gun? Knife? Oh God it was bad) he knew what he should do. Forrest was holding an unconscious Alex on his arms. Somehow he managed to tear apart the bloodied shirt to ease the access to the wound (thanks Forrest, again). Michael's healing powers were shit, and he knew he wouldn't be able to heal Alex completely, but damn him if he weren't going to die trying.

The last thing he clearly remembers is the glow on his hands. He has flashes of walking to the car and drinking acetone. He was 75% sure he didn't hallucinate Kyle being there to check up on Alex. Did Alex really ask to sleep by his side? Was Forrest still there? Who knew? Definitely not him.

The next day Michael woke up at noon, still not sure if he was indeed in bed with those two guys or if it was just his brain revenging him after almost melting it the night before. Alex was still too drugged up for Michael to feel anything concrete from the handprint, but only the fact everyone was breathing was enough to calm him down.

This moment of silence between the three of them only gave Michael the reassurance to set things right with Maria. He couldn't keep marinating her in a below-average relationship just so he could prove a point. Maria deserved more than he could give her.

-------

The break-up was... complex. He could see jealousy and suspicion in her body language, and nothing Michael said changed that. Deep down she always new the possibility of Michael going back to Alex, but she was willing to try anyway. She was making an effort not to be too angry, after all she knew her friend had a past with the cowboy but still wanted to try a relationship. She avoided Alex for a while, scared for his reaction, but when the confrontation happened, she was met with nothing but understanding. She’ll never know how Alex could be so calm back then, because right now this fucking hurt and she wanted to punch something.

Moments before he left, Maria stopped him, asking him the one thing he didn't want to answer.

"Why are you choosing him now, Michael?" She asked while putting too much force on drying a cup of glass. "The other day he was stabbed, and you stayed for me. So, what changed? Definitely not Alex almost dying"

"I don't... know." He hesitated. Who was he kidding, this was their break-up and she deserved the truth, even if it meant not crossing her path ever again. "I think that nothing changed, actually. I really believed we had a chance at being happy together, you and I, and I was willing to try. I was so focused on choosing you over him every time that in that morning it was more of an autopilot choice. I didn't follow my heart because I’ve programmed myself to choose you." He could feel his voice cracking. The words were too painful even to him, but once he started he couldn't stop.

"God, Michael" she put the glass down hard, the only reason for not breaking being its thickness. "I am angry, and sad, and I don't want to see you for a while, but..." she looked at him, her voice going a bit soft for her next words "what we had was exhausting. I've been trying to pinpoint the moment where we turned the relationship into an obligation. Now I see it’s been like this since the beginning, but we couldn’t keep the act for too long." 

"I'm sorry, Deluca."

"I'm sorry too." She turned her back on him to organize the bottles on the shelf. "Just... stay away for a while, yes? I need to clear my head."

Michael tipped his cowboy hat and left without saying a word. Mixed with the sadness was a sense of relief. Now Deluca was free from him, free to search for someone who will wholeheartedly love her the way she deserved. He didn’t regret being with her, they took a shot and failed, but that’s life. At least they know they tried. His regret was on his actions. Maybe if he’d been more honest since the beginning, the end would’ve been different. 

-------

Alex was still asleep when Michael came back to the cabin. The handprint feeling was still fuzzy, so good thing Alex didn't feel all the whirlwind of emotions from the conversation with Maria. Michael had to drive around for a few hours after leaving the Wild Pony just to clear his head. The first thing he noticed when entering the cabin was Forrest in the kitchen, probably cooking something for Alex.

"Alex said, and I quote, you like your coffee like you like your men and women: strong and sweet. Is that right?" Forrest asked without taking his eyes from the stove. "I’m cooking everyone’s favourite because... well... because I can, but also because we deserve it. Alex and I ate half an hour ago, but gimme five minutes and your food will be ready."

Michal was shocked. One thing was Alex telling Forrest what Michael liked to eat and drink, another thing was for Forrest to get out of his way to just cook it. Why would he do that, specially considering he was the ex in the equation? 

"Michael, I barely know you and I can almost feel you overthinking this. Before Alex went back to take a nap he told me you were getting near the cabin and that I should start cooking. Which reminded me, later you both must explain the whole handprint thing for me. I’m still digesting the whole alien superpower thing, but I want to know more" Michael could hear Forrest's smile in his voice. Forrest was relieved and comfortable so his entire body acted like it. 

"Michael. Sit."

And he sat on the table without thinking twice. Sure, the warmth he was feeling towards Forrest was 100% from Alex because of the handprint, but damn this pocket-size historian for making it way too easy to like him.

Forrest put the meal on the table and sat near him. Michael only realised he was starving the moment he took the first bite, and in less than 10 minutes all the food was gone. The coffee was in a nice mug with the Slipknot logo on it, probably Forrest’s, because he knew Alex inclined towards the more emo bands.

As he rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, Forrest sat on the couch. Michael knew he should leave and let Forrest take care of Alex, but he ended up sitting by the historian's side. He simply didn't want to go.

"Michael..." Forrest started, with his voice soft and his eyes even softer. "You are probably confused by your feelings because of the handprint. Right now you are feeling what Alex feels, so we can only have this full conversation once you are out of Alex's system."

Michael had to take a sip of his coffee just to do something with his hands. In his mind he was bracing himself for the final blow that would destroy him. Forrest was going to order him to leave them alone and never go back.

"Alex told me about your history, and I am so sorry for all the trauma you went through, and I am not saying only your hand.”

Oh, so Forrest knew about that.

“The three of us... we grew up thinking that love and pain are intertwined, you can only love something if you suffer for it." Forrest grabbed Michael's hands, forcing Michael to keep eye contact. "It took me and Alex years and a literal war to understand that love is not painful. It’s hard to believe, both at home or in a battlefield, and even to this day I wake up with doubts.” He paused, taking a deep breath. Michael could see Forrest tensing up, an indication that the next words were hard for him to say out loud. 

“Maybe my family is right and being gay is a punishment, and I deserve to be loveless and miserable for the rest of my life. When you hear you’re not worthy enough times, you start believing in it. Some days nothing, and I mean nothing, can change my mind."

Forrest noticed Michael was getting uncomfortable, and let go of his hands. Both took a sip of their drinks before Forrest sighed, and Michael could see the sadness behind his eyes. A sadness he knew all too well, one that everyone carries but few could hide well. It was a sadness that put doubt in people's heart and turned their self-worth into smoke. Michael wanted to hold Forrest and tell him that everything was going to be alright, but it was probably Alex' influence.

"Alex told me you grew up in the system, the next family worse than the last. I’ve worked with endangered youth, kids with similar stories, and I know how ugly it can get.”

Michael tensed up even more, a reflex that Forrest mistook for annoyance or anger. Michael tried his best to relax, to show Forrest it wasn’t him. It was an unconscious reaction from years of abuse. The historian hesitated for a moment, but then continued.

“What I’m saying is that... it was hard for me to learn that suffering for love ain't romantic or cute. Alex and I want to help you get out of this destructive path you are going through, but we need to start things right. No lies, no secrets, and specially no shame." Forrest grabbed Michael's hand again, but this time Michael was more comfortable. "I want you both to be happy, even if it means me getting out of the picture eventually." As a reflex, Michael tightened his hand, a silent 'no' for the possibility. Forrest smiled and let his thumb caressed the back of Michael's hand.

"I know you can't make any decision right now. First because you just broke up with a long-term friend, and second because of the handprint. Much of your feelings are from Alex, so you are biased. But..." He stopped to bring Michael hands to his lips, and Forrest kissed them lightly with a hint of a smile "once we settle down, we can try something different.”

Michael was taken by surprise. He ran many scenarios in his head, and none of them came close to <i>that.

“I mean, what's the point of being a gay historian if I keep my mind closed towards contemporary interpersonal relations? Monogamy is a recent construct to better control nuclear households and… and... I am going to stop because I am losing the focus here.”

Michael laughed. He understood more and more Forrest's appeal. After a few hours of almost losing Alex and breaking up with Maria, Forrest managed to make Michael laugh.

“Alex says I get a bit too passionate about this matters and..."

"Can I kiss you?" Michael blurted, surprising even himself. "I know, I know, the handprint and all, but Alex's feelings are still fuzzy from the drugs and I am pretty sure he doesn't control every single emotion I have." Now it was time for Forrest to be taken aback. He pondered for two heartbeats and nodded, still processing what just happened. 

Michael caressed Forrest face, mimicking what the historian did few moments ago on the back of his hand. Michael’s calloused fingers brushed the other man’s face, bringing him closer. It started as a brush of lips, and then escalated to a slow and tender kiss. It was one of those that meant comfort, not sex. It made Michael feel warm and safe. Forrest was saying "I accept you and you can stay", and Michael almost felt like crying.

The kiss was broken when they felt the weight shift in the sofa. Michael didn't know for how long they’ve been kissing. The only thing he processed was Forrest on his lap by the time Alex showed up. Michael was starting to panic when Forrest just let a little laugh, going back to the couch to give Alex a kiss on his forehead.

Michael's heart only came back to normal because he could feel how calm and peaceful Alex was. If not for the handprint, he’d definitely be running away right now. After the initial shock, Michael started to process how easy it felt to kiss Forrest while actively ignoring how he was the current boyfriend of his ex.

"You're overthinking again, Michael." Surprisingly (or maybe not), this phrase came out of Forrest, again. He didn't need a handprint to understand what was going on inside the alien's head, and that scared Michael. If only by knowing the stories he understood Michael better than his siblings, what would Forrest be able to do with a little more intimacy?

"War taught us that we can't take tomorrow for granted." Alex said, with a hint of tiredness in his voice that only existed after a drug-induced sleep. "That doesn't mean I'll feel sorry for you and let you go away with all the shit you put me through, Guerin." Alright, back to the last name basis then. "But I will, actually we will, offer you a chance of redemption, but it will all depend on you."

"Own your mistakes and learn from them. Don't project your faults onto others." Forrest said while standing up from the couch. "That means no more bullshit, Guerin."

Michael felt oddly comforted by both men being so straightforward. Yeah, he could get used to this bluntness. Maybe this is the first change he has to make from now on.

"Once this handprint fades and we’re in fully control of our emotions, we’ll talk about possibilities. Right now I just need to focus on not dying from an infected wound which an alien helped to heal." Alex said, finishing Forrest's tea to the last drop.

“Now, let’s give ourselves some time to digest everything. God knows I still need to process that I made coffee for an alien”. Which, by the way, would you like some more tea, captain?” Forrest stood up and grabbing the mug from Alex' hands. He didn't have to look at Alex to know the answer. "More coffee for you, Michael?" He motioned to the mug on the table.

Michael nodded, still mesmerized by what was happening. They had a long path ahead of them, but he knew how easy could it be to fall into a routine with them. Maybe the Slpiknot mug would slowly turn into his mug, and this realisation terrified him.

Michael slowly gave the object to the historian. He felt like if he moved a bit too abrupt, everything would dissolve and he would wake up in the airstream. Instead, the only thing that happened was Forrest going back to the kitchen and Alex completely relaxed on the couch. 

“Did he give you the whole speech about monogamy and nuclear households? I mean, the whole speech?” Michael shook his head no, and Alex let out a soft laugh. “Then get ready for at least a two-hour lecture from him. I’m not exaggerating. He has a powerpoint presentation about it.” 

Michael could feel more of Alex as the seconds passed, and he has never been so sure that he wanted to change. Forrest and Alex started talking about nothing in particular and Michael closed his eyes, letting himself be surrounded by the tenderness and warmth radiating from that place.

the end

[dayscrazed]

Malex Oklahoma AU- New Chapter: The Farmer and the Cowman

During a night hanging out with his brother and sister, Michael vents about his Alex frustrations and the bad blood between him and Forrest. When the guy shows up, things get even more heated.

[bisexualalienblast]

[dr-lizortecho]

It had been a difficult transition, learning to see a different side of Forrest, a more disciplined and structured side. Harsh edges that could have been forged in war, or rather from being a skeptic all too close to the truth.

They worked together well.

Alex had come to that realization one hazy morning when the light was filtering in through motel blinds, Forrest’s arm draped across his hip. Because he’d pulled strings, made a few delicate lies to his superiors, and followed Alex out to unravel the Project Shepherd strings. Remove all traces of the disease the Manes and Valenti men had instilled into the world.

It wasn’t even that, the moving from place to place and digging through his families marred history. Wasn’t Forrest using his connections and knowledge to dredge up the Manes men’s secrets.

It was more than that. Forrest had only nodded and accepted Alex’s weak explanations, had fully accepted that Caulfield and Project Shepherd, though strongly rooted in his family, weren’t his secrets to share.

Alex frowns as he watches Forrest pack up the last of his things. It was their last night in Nevada, before they returned to Roswell. Before the last year meant nothing, just a blip in the grand scheme of things. Only the two of them erasing the very thing Forrest had dedicated his whole life to uncovering and sharing with the world at large.

“Thank you,” Alex says, voice sticking in his throat uncomfortably. A small hateful voice in the back of his mind calling it a weakness, to make one’s self reliant on others.

Forrest arches a brow silently, “for?”

Alex rolls his eyes at him, “you’ve spent the last year haunting ghosts with me. At the expense of some very angry calls from your ’employer’.”

read on ao3

[slynella]

Watching RNM and being part of the fandom here has been sooo great ♥

I started to watch it because i had literally nothing else to do at that time and i never thought it would change my life so much x)

So... to celebrate the past few years, i went through old sketchbooks to find drawings i never shared here \o/ (some are on IG tho).

First, a Teen Pod Squad drawing from early 2020.

A Forrest drawing right after 2x04 because i loved his introduction.

Some sketches while trying to figure out what i wanted to do for the Missing Alex Manes Hours Event. Tbh, this serie of Kylex drawing is one of my favorite RNM related work.

The first Musketeer Alex Manes (with a more traditionnal outfit rather than one inspired by the BBC TV show) I drew for @echo-bleu 's fic : To Fall, There is Death (RNM Big Bang 2020)

And finally, some sketches for All I Ask Is A Tall Ship And A Star To Steer Her By, @daughterofelros 's fic for the RNM Big Bang 2021

👉🛍️ My Shop