#from memory though this is abe junko

[hotwaterandmilk]

Series: Kaitou Saint Tail Artist: No Artist Credited Publication: Animedia Magazine (06/1996) Source: Scanned from my personal collection

[gamerstar111]

Makoto & Nagito’s Survivor’s Guilt

i have many thoughts ab why makoto and nagito would have an interesting dynamic but today i’m thinking abt how their history parallels a little (like a lot of things ab them. they’re foils of each other i cld write an essay about it)

this is just a very long (kind of disorganized) tangent about lucky duo’s traumas and how they shaped their mindsets (and how they might understand each other better than people think at first)

i kind of get nervous anytime i put my analyses out there for people to percieve, but that’s okay. we’re facing fears today. LOL

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i don’t think many people think about how makoto probably understands the survivor’s guilt nagito deals with better than anyone could, because he also has the mentality that he didn’t deserve to survive the things he did, and that his luck had a lot to do with his survival. they cope in very different ways, but at the core of their emotions they both feel that same “i don’t deserve to live” guilt.

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Makoto’s Survivor’s Guilt

makoto doesn’t attribute as much of his trauma (which is the killing games he went through) to his luck, it doesn’t factor into his thinking as much as it does for nagito. junko says it at some point in the anime: makoto’s luck isn’t like nagito’s! he wouldn’t ever be able to utilize it like nagito can, because it isn’t consistent, it comes and goes super randomly. it keeps that mf alive and that’s IT 😭

(/j. it does more for him than that but im not talking ab his luck rn so BACK TO HIS SURVIVOR’S GUILT.)

he leaves the first killing game with this huge unofficial responsibility. he lost 10 of his classmates and it’s said that he was able to get his memories back after leaving, so that means he remembers the two years he spent with them. they were his friends :,)

and some of them did more than him to contribute to surviving. i know it’s for comedic effect in the game, but makoto is kind of consistently told by byakuya (and sometimes kyoko & others) that he’s stupid or unhelpful. + he already struggles with feeling like he’s not interesting, memorable, or unique in any kind of way (mr. “i’m average at being average”)

but nevertheless, he survives the games, (after basically convincing his remaining classmates to NOT sacrifice him. a second time.) and when he does get out, he joins the future foundation, where his nickname as the ultimate hope starts to push him to do as much as he can. and because he’s so determined to save as many people as he can, he opposes the foundation’s plan to kill the remnants, and takes them to jabberwock island. he’s so determined to do as much as he can because he feels like if he doesn’t, he’s wasting the life he was given. it’s implied a few times that he would have killed himself if he didn’t feel guilty throwing away the life that was taken from his friends! people don’t talk enough about how makoto is NOT as endlessly optimistic as everyone thinks

he isn’t completely immune to despair. i honestly feel like his main motivation in helping people and spreading hope isn’t that he lives by it, it’s that he has to do as much as he can to to spread it to OTHERS because if he doesn’t, what is he doing with the life he has that his friends were robbed of? i could get into the nuances of makoto’s character and how he isn’t just “hope enthusiast #1” but that’s more fitting of a makoto exclusive character analysis. coming soon/hj

the point of that is that he wouldn’t be alive if he didn’t feel like he had to make something of the fact that his classmates died and he didn’t. that’s what motivates him to try and save everyone, no matter who they are or how terrible they are (him saving the remnants, trying to save junko even though he hated her for what she did, and trying to save the future foundation members in the second game, even though they want him dead)

and when he already has this mentality, he goes through a SECOND killing game, where one of his closest friends (i forget if it’s canon they were dating or not, but you get the point) dies as a DIRECT result of him surviving. and instead of breaking down and giving up, he takes it and becomes more determined to end the game. but his despair video shows that he feels so guilty that he survived, even if he doesn’t ruminate in that feeling.

but nagito is the polar opposite

——————————————————————————

Nagito’s Survivor’s Guilt

most of nagito’s character revolves around two things:

His self-loathing

His twisted perception of hope, and his obsession with the concept

putting aside the fact that he has been diagnosed with dementia that definitely warps his perception of reality as it is, when you look into his backstory it makes sense why he thinks the way he does. his childhood pet died in a car crash when he was a little kid, then, when he goes on vacation with his parents (still in elementary school), the plane taking them back is hijacked, and then those hijackers are killed by a meteorite that also kills his parents right in front of him.

he has no other living relatives, so he’s given all of their inheritance, and is said to be free to live on his own. so he’s been alone since he was a kid, and then during middle school, he’s kidnapped by a SERIAL KILLER that held him for ransom, and then let him go after realizing no one was going to come for him. (which is actually so distressing to me like r u kidding me that’s so SAD HE HAD NO ONE WILLING TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE HE WAS MISSING?? UGH. ANYWAY.)

any chance at happiness Nagito has had was ripped from him in that cycle of good and bad luck. he starts to become fixated (and eventually, unhealthily obsessed) with the concept of hope, so that he could try and find some meaning to his life beyond killing anyone who'd ever shown him any kindness or cared about him. and then after ALL OF THIS, in high school before hope's peak, he gets diagnosed not only with CANCER, but also DEMENTIA. Which, typically, only affects people over 65!!!! he was probably not older than 16 when he got diagnosed!!!! he's then told that he probably has less than 6 months to live. he tells hajime this whole speech about how he realized all he wanted his entire life was to be loved by someone, and he didn't want to die alone, but then says that he was just quoting something, curious to the sympathy it would get him (i don't really believe that, but THAT is a nagito analysis topic. back on topic again…)

then he gets invited to hope's peak. he tries to refuse, but they insist, and so he finally agrees. but then, during his second year, junko starts to ruin things, and yet ANOTHER person he started to care about is killed right before his eyes (chiaki). of course, then, he goes on to bring as much pain and despair to anyone he can under junko’s brainwashing

he's fully convinced that he's a curse, and that he's not worthy of living.

——————————————————————————

"ok….. what’s your point??" you didn’t ask???

the difference between nagito and makoto is that makoto took his grief and made it into motivation, while nagito took his grief as a personal reflection, and spiraled down into a mental decline.

i think the main reasons for this difference is that, first of all, nagito's trauma has been his entire life. since he was a little kid up to even currently (when he's around 21-22), all he's done is cause or witness death anywhere he's gone. watching your childhood pet AND parents die before your eyes has to impact development in some kind of way (not to mention he was entirely alone since ELEMENTARY SCHOOL)

makoto had a very average, but nice life to that point. he had nice parents that were together and happy, his little sister that he's super close to, and while he didn't have any super close friends, he wasn't on particularly bad terms with anyone (as shown by his reaction to seeing sayaka, and sayaka's reaction to knowina him). all of the trauma and death he experienced happened to him when he was an adult (even though he thought he was 16-17 when the first killing game happened, he was most likely 18-19 and junko can erase memory but not alter brain development. so.)

second of all, makoto had support from his friends! he had the other 5 survivors, and then during the second game, he had kyoko and aoi to support him and get him through it. nagito grew up experiencing all of this grief and guilt and trauma entirely alone, even during the killing game he was in. his classmates treat him awfully even before he has his mental break doing incredibly unhinged shit like blowing up the gym (it's so. hard. to defend him sometimes.)

i still haven’t gotten to my point oh my god i talk a lot. BUT THE POINT IS they cope extremely differently, and arguably have different levels of trauma, but they experience the same survivors guilt. both of them feel like they don't deserve to be alive, and that others around them deserve so much better than they do. i really feel like makoto would be able to empathize with nagito's struggles with survivor's guilt and self worth, because he feels the same things! clearly, not to the same extent, but again, that goes back to the support makoto got during his experiences. it's one of the many MANY reasons i think makoto and nagito would be able to help each other heal, instead of being unhealthy like a lot of people say. (of course it depends on when because obviously, servant nagito meeting ff!makoto would not be healthy. that man would skeeve makoto out MASSIVELY but that dynamic is also an interesting one to explore.... ANYWAY.)

nagito's obsession with hope would give him an unhealthy attachment/idolization of makoto at first, but i really do believe that after he recovers a little more from junko's influence, a few days with the guy would make nagito realize that they're way more similar than he thought and that respectfully, makoto isn't as amazing and godly as he thought LOL

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TLDR: they have very similar experiences, the only difference between them is that makoto had support that reminded him he wasn't to blame for the deaths of those around him, while nagito was isolated from EVERYONE from a very, VERY young age, and it led to his mental decline. i really believe they would be able to help each other heal a lot and that's why i love them so much :(

side note: genuinely nothing makes me as sad as nagito and his dog 😞 every time i mention them i get so upset

[hajimeow-archived]

Yo Hajime talk abt ur kin mems

since there were no specifications on which ones i am going to start from the beginning and go where my brain takes me from there. they're all gonna be for hajime bc i physically cannot think about my other memories anymore jsyk

also! this ended up being so long i had to put a cut. i will not be apologizing because i feel no remorse.

so first the basic stuff, i remember having a med skin tone and a FUCK ton of freckles like those motherfuckers were everywhere i had skin. also i was 5'7 i think?? or 5'6. i still can't remember exactly but it's something like that. i was also alloaro, some form of mlm, unfortunately cis, and autistic and probably had some other stuff like adhd or depression or whatever but i forgot. also i was kinda muscle-y but also chubby at the same time. and i had light green eyes. basically i was fanon hajime JSJSKDJDKS

and i was going over the wiki recently and my personality was EXACTLY how they described it like i'm genuinely surprised they got it so accurate

i don't remember much pre-game and post game, most of my memories are in game but i do remember pre game chiaki really well, honestly i rly miss her :( she would always reassure me that i didn't need a talent and i never even cared when she beat me in games cus just simply playing them with her was so fun .,.,,;:,,...,,!:&:&:jsjdjskskck</3

anyways. in game. ok. i'm gonna skip over memories where i just know feelings and not specific things like strong feelings or ppl saying stuff or else this would be so long. also obvious sdr2 spoilers

so i remember the party & blackout in the beginning of the game pretty clearly. i was mostly just standing alone in the corner and watching everyone have fun, but it was really freeing to see the others able to enjoy themselves in such pressing circumstances. then the blackout-- it was kinda like all that happiness going away and the dread and denial immediately setting in .

anyways i remember like panicking and wanting to cry when i lifted the table cloth cus i really liked twogami. i'm p sure i did end up crying cus i really liked them for their realism and leadership skills, and the realization that one of us killed them and that the killing game was actually real etc etc

anyway i don't remember much from the investigation or trial besides being really freaked out when nagito basically admitted to being the killer n stuff, and pretty much all the body discoveries after that (besides ch 5) we're just like "ah shit here we go again" but i do remember mikans trial really freaking me out when she just straight up shifted completely, and i also remember being really proud of fuyuhiko for putting his walls down a bit and deciding to help everyone out while the despair disease was going around

anyway enough of the boring stuff, i spent basically all my free time with komaeda, chiaki and mikan (in order of frequency) and with mikan i mostly listened to her talk about medical stuff and i comforted her when she needed to vent, but i didn't hang out with her much because the constant apologizing n stuff started to bother me since i really liked seeing her happy. chiaki i would mostly play games with and we wouldn't talk much, but she gave me a really strong sense of familiarity like when we played games together it gave me a shit ton of deja vu

AND i've already talked a lot about komaeda but idc i'm doing it again. so we started talking cus of him waking me up on the beach obvs and i was pretty attached right off the bat, but i stopped talking to him for awhile because the way he acted in the first trial REALLY scared me so i just got a pit in my stomach even being around him

but he was the one who started approaching me first, i'm guessing since he couldn't rly sense anything was wrong he just kinda picked things up where they left off and started talking w me at breakfast n stuff and it was pretty weird at first, but i wanted to give him a chance and didn't wanna be rude so i accepted offers to hang out in his cottage n stuff

i remember he has surgery scars tho and i'm rly mad ppl don't draw him with any!! i think he had about 5 and i don't remember all of them but i know one was a skin graft on his leg and the one on his side/stomach that i touched wassssss for appendix removal maybe???? mmmm i'm not too sure about that one tho

also !!!! his death. hoooooly shit. ok so yunno the despair that junko always talks about ?????? yeah <3!! i remember like once i saw his body and took the reality in i just. straight up could NOT stand i like fell to my knees and jsut . cried. like i had no thoughts my head was so full that it was empty i just kinda sat there and silent cried while chiaki stood next to me it was so awful dude

later while investigating n stuff i felt really bad ab how i treated him and thought about him, and i thought a lot about our last interaction. it was the first time i had ever approached him myself cus usually he'd come to me. i was gonna hang out with chiaki but i wanted to check up on him first, so i did and he told me to go hang out with the others and i just. knew something terrible was about to happen.

OH AND THE FUNHOUSE OMG ok i literally. i usually didn't mind being around komaeda like he was chill most of the time when he wasn't ranting about hope but when he was acting like such a bitch in the funhouse i wanted to punch his stupid twink ass so bad like...... what BUSINESS does this dude have being such an asshole. he doesn't even know what face wash is. what the fuck. which is another fun fact! komaeda did shower every so often which is why he didn't smell that bad but his skin was always so dry cus he didn't know how to actually wash right and do proper skincare so he just washed his face w soap and left it like that

also he didn't need to cut his nails cus they were so brittle they would just break off on their own <3 plus he had a nail biting habit so they just never grew ever

OH AND THIS IS THE SADDEST THING i remember feeling so bad for this man bc i would like put my hand on his shoulder and he would lean into it. i mean i'd tap his shoulder for a SECOND and girl when i let go hed be lowkey so sad i could just sense it like??????dude he needed a hug SSO BAD like when i hugged him in my cuddling memory he was like holding on for dear life but also was like "u dOnT hAvE tO tOuCh TrAsH LiKe mE hAjImE" like dude it was the saddest shit. i want to hug him forever. like what the fuck what the fuck!!!!!!!!!

also a thing hed do when he started ranting ab hope n shit like he would just go on and on and yunno that one sprite where he's hugging himself yeah he literally did that shit. also sometimes hed just stare dead at me and start backing me into a corner ((ish-- we were usually sitting somewhere but he mostly just got super close to me) and it was the scariest shit i. bro if i saw him like that on the streets i'd return him to the mental hospital like i can remember it somewhat vividly and that shit was TERRIFYING i mean obvs after i shoved him away and told him to cool it he'd apologize and go back to the way he was but jeez dude ....

also a little fun fact the only reason i really kept hanging out with him (i had a few ofc but this was the most prominent) is cus he was hot in my stupid monkey brain. yes that's it. like that's literally pretty much it. i hate admitting it but this post is SO fucking long i doubt anyone's gonna read it anyway so i'm admitting it now lol

anyway i hope u enjoyed :) i'm glad u asked btw! i'm sure you regret it though!

[rrobotboyfriend]

ALSO OBVIOUS ANSWER AGAIN BUT. I've been actually thinking ab makoto a lot today. I rlly like ur opinions and wanna hear what u think ab him !! This is . for the character listing thing again lol. I THINK UR THOUGHTS ON THESE CHARACTERS R JUST.. RLLY GOOD LOL

JFSKJDKSJD ITS COMPLETELY FINE i find these fun to do also i didnt expect naegi’s to actually end up as long as it did but apparently i have deep seeded thoughts abt him LOL

favorite thing about them: honestly everything about naegi i like a lot. i know a lot of people dumb him down to cute nice puppy but he’s so much more than that and it makes me mad when that happens. like yeah hes nice and cares about people but hes absolutely not a doormat when it comes to the things he cares deeply about (ie. cursing out junko which in the japanese dub he absolutely doesnt hesitate on). i think a lot of people fail to realize just how strong he actually is even if it’s not physically.

least favorite thing about them: i honestly have no clue all my grievances involve how fans usually characterize him.

favorite line: also no idea! naegi has too many lines for me to remember but if i had to choose probably the thaursday quote (ik its generic but its the only one coming to mind HDKSJCJ). also it sounds like something straight out of my brain which i enjoy.

brotp: naegi and the thh survivors!!! i love his relationship with all of them so much especially after theyve been with the future foundation for a couple of years and have regained their memories and you can tell how relaxed and just. happier? they are to be with each other after the killing game. i also like naegi and ikusaba because while i dont really care for it romantically but i still think their relationship could be really interesting. also naegi and hinata

otp: again, kamuegi. i already mentioned why i think theyd work well together but honestly i think naegi himself would really care about kamukura. i think he’d def start out being put off by kamukura since kamukura can be pretty cold but i think he’d make it his goal to see kamukura happy and able to interact with the survivors and other people in a meaningful way other than just putting them off bc theyre boring. eventually i think naegi would fall for the parts of kamukura that are human. not talent. not whatever hopes peak has instilled in him. just kamukura himself. i also think naegi would find him endearing in an odd way? idk. kamukura doesnt show much emotion so when he does do something vaguely emotional it would make naegi feel things.

notp: i dont rlly have one? hmm. yeah idk.

random headcanon: naegi adhd truth. also i hc him as amab nonbinary (demiboy i think??) and bi :]

unpopular opinion: err i kind of already mentioned this but i dont think naegi is a “doormat” like a lot of people say he is? yeah he takes shit from togami but i really just see that as him being a no drama person LOL or not caring enough to make a big deal out of it. I also see people say hes too optimistic and is boring so that means hes not relatable but as somebody who had a problem with suppressing my negative emotions i can definitely see him just ignoring all his insecurities instead of facing them head on in order to deal with the bad shit happening to him. however at the same time i also see him not doing that! so who knows. i think naegi is a lot more complex than people give him credit for though

song i associate them with: man on the moon by zella day but i moreso associate that with kamuegi than anything jdksjcbdk

favorite picture of them:

probably this one?? he had so much good official art but honestly idk i think i like this one the most. that or one of the dr3 scenes in hope arc maybe fjskchks

[lovingmyotp]

BIG REC MASTERLIST

Ok so... I’ve been reading fanfiction since I was still a fetus, and by that I mean I was 11 to 12 years old by the time. Also, I have read plenty of books too, and manga.

So I thought, why don’t make a recommendation?? Of all I’ve ever read and I can’t get out of my head? 

So, for ANYONE out there, you could find something interesting here. If not, this will be purely for self indulgence then.

B O O K S

Pride and Prejudice. - Jane Austen.  What can I say about p&p? I was fluctuated with the 2005 movie adaptation since I was 10 years old. And while I don’t tent to read the books when I’ve already watched their movies, I simply had to. And BOM! favorite book has been stored. 

The time traveler’s wife. -  Audrey Niffenegger. I bought this at a bookfair because I thought it was from a movie I had seen the promotionals for... figures out I was wrong, but this had me crying one summer afternoon. Since then I love time traveling-related books. And the movie? amazing.

Brida. - Paulo Coelho.  This made me the bookworm I am nowadays. I like to thank my abuela for that. This book is magic, and one of the reasons I’m such a hopeless romantic who believes in fate and soulmates. I can’t help it. Tho this is not the only good book from Paulo Coelho and not the only one I LOVE, this is by far my most favorite and it was my first from him.

Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe - Benjamin A. Saenz. Oh boy... this was the first book I read in english. It is special. It has a space in my heartsoul. I can’t remember how many times I have re-read it (and I don’t tend to do that) I find myself taking it from my bookshelf and searching for a specific scene so I can fall in love with it again. This is gold, it is a treasure, and when the day comes and a movie adaptation comes out I’m gonna die. 

The book thief. - Markus Zuzak. This book was so precious that I had to stop mid-way through reading the e-book version to wait half a year a buy a physical copy. This book is meant to be read while you can touch it, toss it, let your tears flow over its pages... just to enjoy the experience. I came for this book after I was reading such a good written fanfiction and the author claimed that they’ve stolen the writing style from this book. I DO NOT REGRET IT. You won’t either.

Daughter of Smoke and bones triology. -  Laini Taylor. It has been 4 years and I haven’t read the last one yet. But I love this. I love the protagonist. Reincarnation is on the list of things I freaking love about fiction and this book has it. Also, it’s the kind of book that makes you want to wish you could live in their fictional world. Just amazing. And the author?? is a ray of sunshine?? I love her.

The lux saga. - Jennifer L. Armentrout. These books made me go insane and stay up to morning. Kinda cliché-ish if you look too much into it. But that doesn’t stop them from being amazing. Hot aliens at the order. Main protagonist is relatable and a badass... why not?

The mortal instruments. - Cassandra Clare.  EVERYONE knows TMI by now. But these books made me the 18 year old I am. While Shadowhunters is like a canon divergence to the books -and don’t get me wrong I LOVE THE SHOW-, but the books? they’re gold. All the shadowhunters verse is amazing, but tmi is the life changing. I waited for the last two books to come out so it was torturing, but you can go and read them and enjoy the ride because there’s still more to come!!

H O N O R I F I C   M E N T I O N S:

 The tunnel. - Ernesto Sabato. 

Dead houses. - Miguel Otero Silva.

White like milk, red like blood. - Alessandro D’avenia.

Falcon’s Prey. - Penny Jordan. 

Maya’s notebook. - Isabel Allende.

Of Love and Shadows. - Isabell Allende.

The house of spirits. - Isabell Allende.

Fan Art. - Sarah Tregay.

Like water for chocolate. - Laura Esquivel.

And I think that’s it for books? not so many since I just listed the ones that have left a mark on me.

M A N G A

Yaoi/Shonen-ai.

Jackass! - Sawatte Ii tte Dare ga Itta yo? - Scarlet Beriko. This manga makes you love legs. LEGS LEGS LEGS. Also, Scarlet Beriko’s art style is to be put into a museum and be looked at for all day long. Friends to lovers and that’s it. SHOUNEN AI if you want it to be.

Yondaime Ooyamato Tatsuyuki. - Scarlet Beriko. This is some good shit. GOOD ART. AMAZING BODIES. LOOK AT THAT SEME. HE IS SO CUTE?! Yakuzas. Did I mention the uke being a yakuza? well he is. One con of this manga? CW dubious-consent and rape at some point but with bl one kind of gets along with it (not that it is a good thing). Still a good manga. YAOI because yes.

Doushitemo Furetakunai. - Yoneda Kou. I cried. That’s it. IT HAS A LIVE-ACTION MOVIE??!! YES?! Cute, cute all over. SHOUNEN AI.

Udagawachou De Mattete Yo. - Hideyoshico. Enjoy how a boy loves wearing dresses and make-up because he slays with everything he puts on! and then succeeding at accepting himself. Also... IT HAS A LIVE-ACTION MOVIE TOO!??! YES! SHOUNEN AI.

Hana no mizu shiru, Hana no migoro ni, Hana no miyako de. - Takarai Rihito.  I fell in love with Takarai Rihito thanks to this. I seem to keep forgetting the exact order to read all three of them, but boy at one point you’ll cry if you figure that out. SHOUNEN AI.

Yuki No Shita No Qualia. - Kii Kanna.  I’m gonna be honest and say I don’t remember anything about this manga. The art style got me and that’s it. Maybe the story did it too and that’s why I have it on my fave list but... I must have read it too early in the morning and forgot everything ‘bout it. Thing is, if I binge-read-it it certainly is good. SHOUNEN AI for sure...(?)

Me o Tojite 3-Byou. - Aniya Yuiji.  You looking for: Good art style? Checked. Angst? Checked. Childhood friends to lovers? Checked. Then I got you some news!!! this is pure as the purest cinnamon roll (at least until you read the smutty doujinshi but that comes later) and If you’re feeling like the world sucks you should read this cup of happiness. SHOUNEN AI.

Yozora no Sumikko de. - Hayakawa Nojiko. This is beautiful. Hayakawa Nojiko’s art style is precious. And this artwork is amazing. The story is full of angst and makes you go YeSSsyyYeSSSss all over. Read it. READ IT. SHOUNEN AI.

Konbini-kun. - Junko. I miss Junko. At least her bl works. She’s by far one of my faves mangakas just because she draws such cute boys I can’t help but love all of them. This story in specific is just perfect. Bullying, the character being actually gay since the beginning, and him coming to terms with it. I just love it. YAOI If you know Junko you know it.

Sora to Hara. - Nakamura Asumiko. L O V E THIS MANGA OK? I’M WAITING FOR A MOVIE ADAPTATION JUST AS DOUKYUUSEI GOT ITS OWN. MY SONS DESERVE IT. This manga is so pure, so full of happiness, so fulfilling, you’ll feel over the moon in love with the characters. Also... SUPER HAPPY ENDING?? YESS! SHOUNEN AI.

Elektel Delusion. - Yonezou Nekota. If I don’t remember wrong this was one of the firsts bl mangas I ever read. And I love it. It has a place in my heart. Well deserved. I must say it is a classic? Fumi is the man we all deserve but don’t get to own. ever. YAOI.

XXX Allergy. -  Hinohara Meguru. A recently-added to my faves mangas. This is so cute. The seme is long-haired... that’s it. Cute history and they love each other. What else do you need? SHOUNEN AI.

Mou Ichido, Nando Demo. - Aniya Yuiji.  Memory loss. Angst. Smut. Aniya Yuiji. Another reason to live for. Just cry and enjoy the ride. ALSO, REVERSIBLE COUPLE!!! HELLO???!!1 YES!!!! GO JAPAN GO!! YAOI.

Lonely To Organdy. - Ogeretsu Tanaka. I just love angst, ok? HAVE SOME. GET A BITTERSWEET ENDING. ENJOY IT AND KEEP ON LIVING KNOWING THIS ENDED UP LIKE THIS, WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXPECT? Some ghosts, some dreams, two boys... yep. SHOUNEN AI.

Veranda Nite. - Ichikawa Kei. Back at it again with the ghosts? Yes. I love Ichikawa Kei for a reason yet she hasn’t gotten me at her will (completely) yet. Nevertheless, this is awesome. I don’t remember the ending but it is a one-shot. SHOUNEN AI. 

Hana wa saku ka. - Hidaka Shoko. This is the definition of SLOW BURN. The very definition. Good art. Amazing plot. Great characters... the bl manga you needed and now you know. GO! READ! IT! It is so long you grow up with it but you won’t regret it. SHOUNEN AI (at least until they finally do the do but it is a the very end)

YATAMOMO. - Harada.  Harada scares me. But I had to give her a try (for a third time) and this is what I found. A deep plot, and good character development. Momo is the kind of ukes I love and want to protect. YAOI.

  H O N O R I F I C   M E N T I O N S: partially because they’re still ongoing.

Aitsu no Daihonmei. -  Tanaka Suzuki. SHOUNEN AI.

Super Lovers. - Abe Miyuki. SHOUNEN AI.

Hidamari ga Kikoeru. - Fumino Yuki. SHOUNEN AI.

Ameiro Paradox. - Natsume Isaku. SHOUNEN AI.

Sekaiichi Hatsukoi. - Shungiku Nakamura. YAOI.

Honto Yajuu. - Yamamoto Kotetsuko. SHOUNEN AI.

Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai. - Yoneda Kou. YAOI.

I prefer shounen ai because it is cute all over, even though a good old school hard yaoi isn’t bad for the health any other day... 

Shoujo/Shounen: some are on-going.

Ao haru ride. - Sakisaka Io. First shoujo manga I ever read. I loved it. The only shoujo manga I’ve ever finished too. Everyone knows it. Angst is at the order, a good female protagonist and Haru being a cute boy since ever. SHOUJO. COMPLETE. 

Watashi ga motete dousunda! - Junko. I’m hating the protagonist by the moment but... reverse harem. She’s a fujoshi and by being lucky she’s now with one of the best guys to ever exist in fiction. God blessed her and I want that kind of spell over me too. Funny times at the order. SHOUJO. ON GOING.

Haikyuu!! - Furudate Haruichi.  WHO DOESN’T KNOW HAIKYUU?? GO WATCH ALL THREE SEASONS! WATCH THE OVAS! READ THE MANGA! ENJOY ADOPTING OVER 500+ SONS. You won’t hate anyone, it is impossible. SHOUNEN. ON GOING.

Kuroshitsuji. - Yana Toboso. This manga is fresh, its art style is amazing, the plot would make you go :O!! and right now is the best moment to apply for this ride because it sure is a rollercoaster. SHOUNEN. ON GOING.

Kiben Gakuha Yotsuya Senpai no Kaidan. - Furudate Haruichi. I don’t know why I read this, or when... but it is amazing. I love Furudate Haruichi’s art style and this was my way of getting more full of it besides from Haikyuu!! Mystery solving is always interesting. SHOUNEN. COMPLETE.

CODA. -  Hitoshi Ichimura. Yuri!!! on ice from 2010. But instead of ice skating it is ballet and more of an open ending than rings that prove you’re a canon couple. It’s cute, you ship the characters and it doesn’t harm anyone. Read it, more people should love it. SHONEN. GENDER BENDER. shOujo?? COMPLETE.

Tokyo Ghoul - Ishida Sui. I only know my first son TG. I finished my friendship with TG:RE. What will happen to my dearest Kaneki Ken who should be protected at all costs? who knows. The manga is amazing, the anime not so much. SHOUNEN. COMPLETE.

Strobe Edge. - Sakisaka Io. I hate the ending. I hate the main characters. I love angst so I fell in love with Endou, the third wheel the other love interest of the protagonist and THE REAL GOOD BOY HERE HE DESERVED BETTER. SHOUJO. COMPLETE.

Shingeki no Kyojin. - Hajime Isayama. You know the one. Titans. Blood, sweat and tears but without good dancing. The manga is good is2g go and read it and enjoy the cliffhangers and lots of questions. SHOUNEN. ON GOING.

Yep, I read more yaoi manga than other genres... I’m a fujoshi I know that.

Finally... fanfiction. I’ll classify them by fandoms... that are not so many.

F A N F I C T I O N: all complete.

Shingeki no Kyojin. 

Ereri/riren.

Not such thing as fate. by Mysecretfanmoments.  Reincarnation AU. My thing. I felt so at peace while reading this one... I really miss reading ereri fanfiction on a daily basis.

Inocencia perdida. by hudgens77 ¿Recordar mucho del 2014 cuando todo lo que hacía era leer en español? Nop. No recuerdo mucho de esta fanfic, pero Dios mio como amaba a esta autora. 

De cráneos y fotografías. by hudgens77 Una escena de esta fanfiction quedó por siempre en mi cabeza, por eso la adoro. Un poco extraña si no mal recuerdo pero es simplemente genial. Misterios y más misterios.

Fanboy. by RinAinsworth Fanboy!Eren ama a youtuber!Levi si no mal recuerdo. Su vida es el sueño de todo el mundo cuando este se muda en frente de su casa. Es muy graciosa y recuerdo haber disfrutado un montón el leerla en su tiempo. 

I used to read ereri/riren fanfiction like crazy back in the good old days. They were like my first otp or something. Of course all of that was on fanfiction.net and in spanish... I had to search there for this list and I find out most of them were never finished, ow my heart.

Hannibal.

Hannigram.

Tormentor, Mentor, Pleaser, Appeaser. by DarkFairyTail. Don’t remember that much but Hannibal fanfiction is always so good written it hurts. Just murder husbands being happy while husbanding and murdering. 

The Shape Of Me Will Always Be You. by MissDisoriental. Post canon fix it are always the best. Same as with the one above, just them being them and slow burn like salt in the sea.

MARVEL.

Stucktony.

Don’t say it. by Bibliomaniac. SOULMATES AU. YESS. TONY CAN’T TALK??! So his soulmates don’t have his words?? holy CRAP YESS ANGST MUCH ANGST I LOVE ANGST. 

Hide a heart of war. by RayShippouUchiha. People get flowers on their skin depending on things that have happened to them... language of flowers is heavy on this one. ANGST AGAIN, WHO ASKED FOR IT?

It was an accident. by HabuSake. The author of this has received so much crap I can’t believe it... HOWEVER, I intensely love this one. OMEGAVERSE, have I ever said I love it? well I do. Angst again yeeeaaah. 

Starquill. this is so random sorry.

Tony Stark Fucks Off Into Space. by itsallavengers. I’m always in for people loving Tony and here Peter Quill shows some of it. Also, post CW? Yess. 

Stony.

A Nuke to Your Chest. by vorkosigan. Wanna know what calm feels like? read this. It is so... I don’t know... GOOD?!?!? you will not regret it. I cry just from remembering it.

I thought I'd have more stony fnf on the fave list but I guess the one from above is enough as it is PERFECT.

Yuri!!! on ICE.

Victuri.

Fever. by MilkTeaMiku Ok the thing I said about loving omegaverse? well yeah. This is pure smut. The first YOI fanfiction I ever read. Also I love the author.

Desires. by AL_KILLER. THIS FANFICTION IS SO GOOD THAT I CRY. VICTOR IS SO BLIND I CAN’T HELP BUT LAUGH. TOO MUCH EMOTIONS AT ONCE. OMEGAVERSE 4 THE WIN. 

An Examination of Stamina by Viktor Nikiforov. by Anonymous_Ostrich Pure smut, just that. Someone said bottom Victor? it has that too. You’re welcome. It is omegaverse too. 

I say that if I look for fluff of them both I better watch the anime. Let’s enjoy the dark side of them on internet.

Haikyuu!!

Kagehina.

De cuervos y amores. by Cerezo de Luna. Same case as with Ereri/riren, I used to read a shit-ton of kagehina back in the good old days... nowadays? not so much. Still... I forgot to write this in spanish. Ajá, esta es MUY LINDA. Recuerdo esperarla con ansias a que actualizara, FLUFF FLUFF y varias parejas del Karasuno.

Bokuaka.

Come downstairs. by youaremarvelous THIS IS SO CALM AND PEACEFUL. THEY FALL IN LOVE LIKE YOU WOULD WANT TO (AT LEAST I DO) READ THIS, BOKUAKA IS LIFE DUDES.

Voltron Legendary Defender.

Klance.

How to train your galra series. by magisterpavus. SMUT. SO MUCH SMUT. BUT VERY GOOD SMUT!

Fake it til you make it. by nikkiRA. Fake relationship anyone?? i’m into it. This is amazing, you’ll never regret it.

Never saw you coming. by dimpleforyourthoughts. Mutual pinning. Angst. Lance being the goodest friend ever... yes, my jam. 

Time out of mind. by aknightley. The boys?? wake up?? married?? in the future?? this is so cute it hurts?? 

Langst. 

So here’s what you’re not going to do. by BreakTheDawn. Lance telling the group what he really thinks, misunderstandings, my sweet boy getting stressed... yes, this is a work of art.

Nobody said it was easy. by heroami. Unrequited love. Angst. Not a happy ending... you feeling like reading that? go ahead. 

Lancelot. please I need more of this where Lotor isn’t a dickhead. 

The sunflower you lost. by peachii. I like to think of this fanfiction as lancelot, though Klance is endgame. Altean!Lance at the order. Reincarnation AU(or something among the line)... did I mention angst? where there is some of it too. 

And... that would be all for fanfictions I guess. I’m really picky with what I read. 

Hope you liked this big list! I’ll keep it updated! bye :)!