#ftf connor

[silkendandelion]

The Real Thing (Final Version)

A Fears to Fathom: Ironbark Lookout Fanfiction

ao3 link

Jack Nelson x Connor Hawkins Words: 2.2k Genre: Fluff, humor, horror elements Summary: A short one-shot to look at Jack and Connor's lives after the events of My Own, Distant Home, and is a short prologue/teaser to the in-progress sequel. Alternative title: Two fools in love have no idea what genre they're in.

Rated: Teen and Up Audiences for sexually suggestive content and mild language, and horror elements.

Tall, bright green trees lined the blacktop road, obscuring the path around the upcoming curves but not able to block out the sun on such a clear, summer day. The RV navigated the winding road with ease in Jack’s hands, most recently passing a green interstate sign, “You are now leaving Idaho”, and then the doubly large sign after it where a cowboy on his horse declared “Welcome to Wyoming: Forever West.”

“I think you were more excited to get your CD collection back than your truck,” said Jack as Connor flipped happily through his shoe-box of albums, whose edges were worn down to the cardboard where it had been slid out and back under the bench seat for years.

“The joy is split, for sure. I let the kids keep all the ones they wanted.”

Jack took his eyes off the road long enough to smile back at him, admiring the childish joy on his face as he hunched over the box, thumbing over track lists like he was a teenager again, in a music store for the first time.

Behind their RV, they towed along said truck, a 2000 Toyota Tacoma in what Connor affectionately called “Stacy’s favorite green”, bought brand new for cash the year he left the army. The truck he only drove for a few months before he became a fire lookout at Ironbark, and since then had been driven almost exclusively by Stacy: Connor’s older sister, another deceptively charming blonde with two children under 10 and no one to rely on besides her brother. Twin fuzzy dice in lucky red bounced beneath the rear-view mirror, bleached almost pink from summers at the lake and catching Jack’s eye in the side mirror.

“That was an incredible thing you did, Connor,” he said. “To buy Stacy a car in exchange for getting the truck back, when it was yours to begin with, and I don’t think she would have fought you on wanting to keep it with us.”

“Nah.” He shooed away Jack’s admiration, flipping over the CD in his hand. “I wasn’t gonna leave her with nothing. And it wasn’t like I got her a Mercedes, just a little something for her to get back and forth to the plant and the kids to school. I should be thanking you actually, you’re the one who looked over the engine and told the guy to change the oxygen sensors before we would paid for it.”

Jack just offered a shrug, though he smiled when Connor reached over to nudge his cheek gently with his knuckles.

“What kind of albums do you have, Jack? I think we’ve listened to nothing but the radio since we left Washington.”

“I like the radio,” he said matter-of-factually. “It’s got NPR, weather, every—THING! Connor, no.” He yelled (squeaked) in alarm when Connor began rummaging through the glove compartment, searching for evidence that he was fibbing. Curse the RV for being so wide, he risked swerving if he reached far enough to slam the lid closed. Meanwhile, smiling and completely unbothered, Connor continued to snoop.

“What do we have here? Oh, Jack. Jackie, baby, what are these?” He grinned in triumph to hold up a handful of CDs: his partner’s most private feelings in rhythm and prose. “Is this what you listened to before you picked me up? Tracy Chapman, Bobby Caldwell—Jackie? Blue-eyed soul?”

Jack’s red cheeks approached their smoking point, hands tight on the steering wheel. If Connor squinted, he might see steam rising from his collar beneath the tight line of his lips. “Don’t make fun of me, Connor, please.”

“I would never, Jack,” he said earnestly, all whiskey and warmth as he popped open one of the cases and began to decipher the RV’s stereo system. Static seemed to be the most common channel in their current neck of the woods, among a brief news transmission: ‘—ark state park in Washington, where the body count is up to 9—’

Stop. Go back.

“What?” He mumbled, so quietly Jack only hummed his vague acknowledgment as Connor flipped the channels back and forth, desperate to return to that station.

“It… it was this one, I’m sure of it,” he said, met with only snowy static from the stereo, and Jack took his eyes off the road for less than a moment.

“What was? I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

His blood chilled, too much like that night when he had descended from the tower to work on his generator in the middle of the night, believing they were safe and leaving Jack to sleep off his episode alone—until he heard the crickets go quiet in the bushes behind him.

Jack had been the one to save him then, and he would not be caught unaware again. Nor would he let himself be weak when Jack trusted him enough to need him.

“It’s not important, I can’t even find the station again.”

The awkward tilt of Jack’s half-smile was reassuring, even as his heart pounded too hard. He reached to press a button with a circular graphic, one Connor hadn’t assumed was supposed to be a CD, and the little orange display flashed ‘INSERT DISC’.

“… Ah.” It was Connor’s turn to blush, though Jack couldn’t hold himself back from a good-natured chuckle.

“Under 30 and still bested by technology.”

“Hey, I spent four years falling behind on the curve. Do you think the army gave us anything more advanced than ping pong paddles and sun dials? It did make me excellent at smoke signals, though.”

Jack’s laugh warmed him, the only thing he had found that could chase away the unease lately. “You’re an old soul even without living mostly analog all that time.”

“We couldn’t even afford all those letters, they just gave us ANAM,” Connor said with his most comically raised eyebrows, just to hear him laugh again.

As he slipped the disc in the slot, a sensual piano filled the cabin, renewing Jack’s embarrassment when a sultry saxophone joined the singer, the iconic croon of a soulful ballad. He burned, resisting the urge to show how much he was enjoy himself, and chanced a quick look at Connor.

To the tune of his fluttering heart, he only found him smiling, no longer looking through his shoe-box or reading the billboards. Smiling at him, all warm brown eyes as he whispered along with the words, as if to say that between them, everything was sacred because nothing could be wrong.

“I want the real thing, or nothing at all. I need someone that I can be sure will catch me if I should fall. Someone who’ll be there when I call, then I’ll know that it’s the real thing.”

“How… do you know all the words?” Jack said, more to himself than aloud.

“Why do you think?” He reached across the console to touch his hand where it loosened it’s grip on the wheel. “You never have to be embarrassed, Jack, not with me. We’re in this together.”

Easy for him to say, when he’s the one playing with the tempo of the poor man’s heart and the temperature in the room. They came to a stop under a light, and Jack busied his hands tapping his thumb on the wheel until he heard Connor’s seat-belt click, saw him rise to walk towards the back of the RV.

“Where are you going?”

“Use your imagination, Jack, I can’t exactly wander far. Although, I suggest you find a place to park soon, or you might miss the good part.”

“The wh—” He kept his foot on the brake, turning to look for him, just to bite down on his words as Connor slowly threaded his belt free, letting it fall to the rug with a quiet thump. Next came his shirt, pulled off by his hand on the back of his collar. Among the slow reveal of his toned back, the moles on his spine, the song urged Jack onward, a different one, something about “Come to me” and “Let me love you, honey”.

“The light’s green, Jack.” Connor smirked at him, and tossed his shirt in the vague direction of the driver’s seat.

Jack snapped his eyes back to the road, pressing the gas a little too hard and hearing Connor’s laugh drift up from where he grabbed the kitchen counter to steady himself. Quietly, lest he be seen through even more than he already was, he vowed that if he didn’t find a place to park in the next few miles, he would pull over to the shoulder and lock the door.

From the bedroom, a quiet moan piqued his hot ears, among the sound of what might have been his name if he could hear better over the stereo.

Shit. All right, 1 mile.

By the grace of somebody, otherworldly or other, the parking lot to a campsite appeared on his right, empty too, all thanks to the heat advisory that was said to last for the rest of the week. Jack was probably the only person in the county grateful for it, if only because it meant leaving the key in the ignition to keep the AC running left the music on too.

He found Connor already splayed across the bed, distracted from his intentions by the toy bear on the windowsill, the little “Get Well Soon” card in his arms beginning to fade from all the sunbathing he did while his dads drove from state to state. His fingertip nudged the bear’s plastic nose, and Jack began to press kisses along the slope of his shoulder, over the old ink of his tattoo.

“Are we staying here for the night? Adrian’s expecting you Monday morning,” he said.

“I won’t be late, I promise.” Connor turned to steal a kiss from his lips, several actually as he coaxed him to lie back against the pillows. “But whether we get there the day before or the morning of—depends on how much you’ll let me do to you.”

He bared his neck in a plain invitation despite his protests, allowing Connor to seek out his favorite places to kiss while Jack ran encouraging hands into his hair, shorter now after his interview, as well as smoothing his palms over the scratch of the day-old stubble on his chin. It had been a telephone interview, of which Jack reminded him he didn’t have to shave, but Connor insisted it was the right thing to do.

“You’ve always been the needier one, but this—,” Jack’s breath hitched when teeth grazed the skin behind his ear. “You’ve been really affectionate lately.”

“It might be awhile before we get the chance again.”

Light and teasing just a moment ago, the quiet melancholy of Connor’s voice against his neck made Jack’s eyes flutter back open. He cupped his face in his palms, warm in the cheeks where his body was still wound up despite himself, and beckoned him to look up.

“Hey.” From so close, he could see all the barely-there freckles across his nose and cheeks, too light to be anything more than a secret to the rest of the world who didn’t get to hold him the way Jack did. He placed another kiss on his lips. “You’re so good to me. Remember that.”

Connor’s brow scrunched, worried still as he let their foreheads touch. “I want to live up to the version of me that’s in your head.”

“He’s real, I’m holding him. I can feel his dick on my leg.”

The sudden sputter of Connor’s laugh puffed warm across both their faces, and Jack grinned back at him with what he hoped was all the adoration he felt in his chest, the swell of his heart when Connor smiled so bright.

“Okay, Jack… You say you’re not funny, but I like funny men.”

“Eh, logical fallacies, something something, cognitive bias.”

“You lost me.”

“No I didn’t, I can still feel—”

Connor shut him up with a deep kiss, coaxing his mouth open with his thumb so he could slide their tongues together until their lungs burned. With a wet sound, he finally relinquished his lips, admiring the daze in his hazel eyes and the berry-red of his mouth until his voice broke the spell.

“Who are you?” Jack quipped.

“Someone who loves you very much.”

The softness of his face disarmed any playfulness left in the air, replaced only by earnest devotion and the looming ache of starting over, bittersweet no matter how wonderful the company is.

They deserved a break.

Neither of them knew the winter was going to be a hard one. That before the end of the year, they would be in danger again. To take comfort now was a gift, to hold each other close before the leviathan resident of those Ironbark woods emerges from the trees and begins to seek out the only survivors who know it’s name.

They couldn’t know it was

was already awake

.

They cannot know my name.

[silkendandelion]

They are the best 🥰

This peering is so cute, even though the game shows little of their relationship (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و

[puckconnolly]

Happy Birthday Lacie @nestha!!!! I hope you have a marvelous day!! 

“I’d tell you to remember this, but I’m extremely hard to forget.”

[evamohns]

‘i love you,’ i whisper.

[sammythedominant]

Ftf: As Blaine read through the pairings list, he sighed. "I have good news and bad news."

FTF: Sam smiled a little. “I’ve seen the bad news. Is the good news that I got Connor?

[switchysmythe]

FTF: ‘Do you have anywhere you need to be today or can I keep you in my bed a while longer?’ He asked, rolling over into his stomach. He draped his arm across Elliot’s waist and pulled him in closer. ‘Cause you look good here. I’ll even bribe you with breakfast in bed.’

Elliot hums quietly, tilting his head to smile at Connor. “I have plans with Franco, but I can stay in your bed a little longer,” he tells him as he shifts closer to him. He’d honestly much rather not even do what he and Franco had planned if he was honest. “I’m starting to think you think I look good whatever I’m doing,” he says with a grin. “I mean, no bride necessary but now you’ve mentioned breakfast, I’m not going to say no.”

[accidental-rambler]

Tell us some of your favorite Addicted series moments! Who is your ultimate addicted OTP? What about the Like Us series? Favorite moment? Ultimate OTP? What are you most looking forward to in the next Like Us books?

AN ASK ABOUT ADDICTED SERIES YASS! Thank you <3

1. My favourite addicted moments? But there are so many, how do I even choose???

Disclaimer: This list is by no means complete and I’ve probably forgotten a bunch:

all the moments where Rose (with Connor’s assistance) is helping Lily with her addiction, researching therapists, learning as much as she can about it, basically just being there for Lily, HALP I’m emo now - and then Lily acknowledging this with “In the end it wasn’t a boy who helped me, it was my sister” SO SIMPLE BUT SO BEAUTIFUL

Lily, the sweetest puff, flinging a scotch bottle at that worm Scott, when he was trying to get Lo to start drinking again

basically everything with Lily being the most precious nerd, from her fangirling over marvel with Lo, predicting and shipping tf out of all addicted couples to wearing her wampa hat and climbing Lo like a monkey when she was afraid of Sadie

Lilo’s wedding, Connor’s speech and their vows *cries FOREVER*

Raisy’s first kiss

Connor doing striptease for Rose so she wouldn’t have to

all the arguing and squabbling between Rose and Lo, and then moments like Lo giving Rose baby clothes with tabby cats on them *CRIES*, Lo telling Rose she’s a kickass mom *CRIES MORE* and then that whole chapter in SKOP where Rose and Lo kick ass at Hale Co. and Rose admits (to herself) that Lo has basically been her brother and that he’s as close to being a Calloway sister as one could get *FEELS EXPLODED*

I’m a sucker for parallels and one of my faves is how at the beginning of HHF Lo struggles with his addiction and it shows in how he struggles to keep up with Ryke during their run and in how strained things are between them and then at the end of the book he’s so much lighter and they run together and they’ve been though so much together and worked through so many issues AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN, in LWD, it’s Ryke who need’s Lo’s help and he SO delivers, and it’s Ryke who struggles to keep up with Lo when they’re running but AGAIN, they support each other and make it through and am I crying or am I crying

Connor’s birthday in FTF and Lily being tasked with keeping him in place and then when Ryke is guarding him, Connor literally makes a run for it, how hilarious it must’ve looked, I’m -

it’s not one scene but basically coballoway in FTF, their unyielding support for one another, there’s nothing more beautiful than that

and Connor’s whole arc in FTF??? Like…I can’t even begin to explain how much this storyline means to me; I cried pretty much the entire book since that scene where the news broke out and Loren’s unconditional support of his friend, how he stood up to Jonathan, how the whole core six came together in the time of need of one of their own…*yes I’m crying*

Lily standing up for herself at that Hale Co. board meeting when that awful woman was insulting her education, MY PRECIOUS PUFF

Rose and Lily “making up” in Rose’s shop

Rose offering to be surrogate for Daisy and that whole scene where the sisters are supporting Daisy bc she deserves all the support and love and dedication

that scene in HHF when everyone learns that Ryke can speak French because HILARIOUS

Lily fangirling over herself when she managed to understand some French and Connor being proud AF

Lily going from “I only care about satisfying my appetite” to “I don’t care about sex, I care about the person I love more” BECAUSE WHAT A CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Daisy coming up with the idea of We Are Calloway

Lily’s and Ryke’s conversation in…FTF/LWD (can’t remember rn, I’m blanking out lol) when Ryke says she’s his family

all the ot6 vacation times, especially in the Smoky Mountains house

Rose calling her kids “gremlins”

Loren Hale taking over Hale Co. and being freaking happy doing it

Daisy holding Sulli for the first time (even though it turned angsty very soon after that)

everyone being here for Ryke when he attempted climbing again after his accident

all the flirty banter between Connor and Lo

Connor giving Ryke a journal with passages in different languages so he can find out how many of them he speaks

Lily learning to use twitter to her advantage and starting trend in support of coballoway (THIS IS LOVE)

ot6 being kickass parents in SKOP

the final scene is SKOP

“And then we end—we end where we started.   Just us. All six of us.”

I’m sorry…what was the rest of the question???

2. Ultimate Addicted OTP

Ok but when it comes to my “ultimate” Addicted OTP, I…honestly can’t decide? I just love each of them - lilo, coballoway and raisy - for very different things and it’s like picking your favourite kid - it’s just not something you do. I know people usually tend to be partial to this or that ship or character more (as I usually am) but with Addicted series, it’s “take them all or leave them all” kind of a deal.

3. Favourite Like Us moments

I’m going to go for “brief” this time, haha

every little lunnelly moment (Donnelly saying “she’s back” is very high on the list just as him offering to eat Luna out and Moffy hearing it because lmaoo)

all the moments between Moffy and Charlie, they’re kind of like Rose and Lo of Like Us series to me, they’re this kinda hostile brotp that really would sacrifice life for one another - and I especially loved when Moffy ACTUALLY FREAKING ASKED Charlie’s HELP with foundation and their talk on the plane

Thatcher remembering the names of all of Jane’s cats

Loren Hale being the most badass badass and putting Samantha where she belongs aka in the trash *sorry not sorry*

Jane being flustered around Thatcher (but also standing her ground and refusing to talk to him after that Farrow thing)

Moffy being the biggest fan of his parents

Donnelly fangirling over the Cobalts any chance he gets (and then coming up with shit like “the Hale curse”)

oral assistance scene, that had me laughing my ass off

marrow’s proposal, I had feels dammit

Jane saying she ships herself with happiness (and that guy asking who is happiness bc WTF lol)

Hale siblings supporting Luna during her pregnancy scare

Moffy discussing different kinds of lube with Lo, Ryke and Connor, I’m - this family I swear

again, Loren Hale throwing Samantha off that yacht, I’ll never be over how good that felt (and then him being the petty asshole and destroying other castles in the sandcastle competition and also that mention of him and Rose being the strict-parent team during vacation

Lily and Jane helping Moffy choose the wedding band

4. Ultimate Like Us OTP

Lunnelly and cobaretti, I can’t choose, I’m trash for both.

5. Can’t wait for...

...TLU!!! I can’t wait to see how Jane and Thatcher’s story is going to unfold and I’m just kind of VERY excited about reading different POVs. Also lunnelly (and Lo going batshit over it at first and then Lily becoming the biggest fangirl and pulling him over to her side and Lily basically assuming the role of mom for Donnelly because he needs more people in his corner??!)

And Charlie and Beckett’s stories and how will everything unfold with Beckett’s addiction and just MORE COBALTS PLEASE I BEG YOU and the Meadows and I would love to see Daisy and Rose and Lily have some more scenes with the kids???

[indietapes]

Band of the Week: Forgetting The Future

The band consist of Robbie McNicol, Connor Wilson, Max Paul and Jamie Mackay formed FTF back in 2014.Their first recording was with Edwyn Collins in 2016 who charted the UK back in the early 80’s with his band “Orange Juice” with the track “Rip It Up” and the more recent chart topper “A Girl Like You” back in ’95.  Discover our ‘Band of the Week’.

[titsthedamnseason]

i forgot that garrison breaks into superheroes and scones and sleeps there for a bit. squatter era!

[bad reputation] redemption begins with the heart.

[suburbangothc]

YOUR COBALLOWAY AND CONNOR LOVE GIVES ME LIFE GIRL YAAAAAAAAAS

omG okay so I love them so so much.  I was having such a hard time getting into aty, but when Connor came onto the scene I was like o h.  I’m on lwd right now, but ftf cannot be touched, it is a perfect book!  It was emotional and had so much drama, but also showed their united front and how much they truly meant to one another.  In all honestly, it’s one of the best love stories I’ve ever read????  and I’ve read a lot????  like their love is healthy and strong and built on mutual respect and interests and developed over years and years and both of them help the other improve themselves not for the other person but for themselves????????  

And connor makes me laugh but also makes me cry, like his development is so beautiful from the moment we meet him to where he’s at now (he probably gets even more beautiful in lwd and skop cause I JUST KNOW HIM).  Like, he went from this person who didn’t believe in love and thought it was just for weaker people, not letting anyone truly into his world, and now he not only is *tragically* in love with Rose, he also loves the whole gang.  The liability scene with lo made me CRY (not as much as the closet scene, but still), like just remembering how broken it made lo feel when he realizes that connor may never love him, and then getting the affirmation that he DOES love him, that he’s his best friend, I just c a n n o t.

I just love rose too though, like she is so tough and so amazing, she is such an incredible character because she’s not dead inside, she’s got SO many emotions, but she still is able to pull it together and take control of all the shit that the world throws at her.  Her ability to love so completely that she is the balance and the rock for connor and lily, even when their scandals make her life harder (obviously connor’s scandal involved HER but y’know).

these two are just so absolutely admirable, in their strength, their intelligence, and their devotion to one another.

lemme just cry for y e a r s i can thank @rosecallloway for telling me to just suffer through aty until i meet connor lmfao what a blessing that decision was

[silkendandelion]

Thoughts…

The sequel to My Own, Distant Home has become a huge, complicated project, and I wanted to ramble a little bit about some things to expect

- a lot more horror, considerably less smut (mostly due to the POV changes, I’m experimenting with first person, and first person smut makes me go 😵‍💫), but that may change if I can get the hang of it

- surprise minor characters (including a cat that is actually plot relevant)

- more Jack being pathetic, overly neurodivergent, and unintentionally funny

- heavy backstory stuff for Connor

- I don’t care if the game’s UI has an iPhone, that’s just for the player’s convenience as far as I’m concerned. I’ve written it to take place in 2006 bc the technology works best for my purposes

- also the analog romance is too good

- “I won’t make you relive Ironbark—I can’t.”

Im mostly nervous about how this project is almost completely original

I want to find the right balance of bringing elements back from the first fic, paying homage to the source material, and justifying the sequel by expanding on the world and its characters in a way that feels organic

No pressure

I just want it to be finished already, and be done well, so then I can frame it above my desk for when I’m feeling bad about my writing

“Look, you took an indie horror video game with 2 hours of content and 5 named characters and wrote thousands of words about it—and it didn’t suck”

Coming to you from the writer’s desk, dehydrated and wrists hurt—but I love it

Anyway, here’s wonderwall:

[titsthedamnseason]

i am starting a reread of fuel the fire

ben cobalt’s book is actually first

[silkendandelion]

Moodboard for the sequel to My Own, Distant Home, while I take a break ☕

Hold Me, Be Sincere will follow Jack and Connor nearly a year after the events of FTF: Ironback Lookout. As they adjust to life in their new home: Pinedale, Wyoming, they struggle with the scars from that night, as well as a new string of murders.

Whatever the cultists were praying to, attempting to summon, it worked. And it knows where they are.

[titsthedamnseason]

[fuel the fire] protect your family. at all costs.

[titsthedamnseason]

[addicted after all] two addicts. one epic love story.

[titsthedamnseason]

[fuel the fire] protect your family. at all costs.