Tumgik
#fuck im mortified now
shokushii · 11 months
Text
Tumblr media
wip mmnyeh. i have a different kinda done-ish drawing that ill prob post later today ✌
12 notes · View notes
bacchuschucklefuck · 7 days
Text
love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
88 notes · View notes
dangerdragoncat · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
If you know you know.
80 notes · View notes
mommalosthermind · 1 year
Text
So this happened:
Me: “I feel like I wrote Lisa kinda snotty in this passage, d’you think she could pull off snotty?”
Him: “Not really? If you want bitchy then you need Yae Miko, Lisa’s kinda normal unless you’re late with a book.”
Me: “…Lisa’s vaguely condescending though.”
Him: “Yeah, I can see that. Miko can be straight up mean but Lisa would be like, ‘Careful cutie, keep that up and I might forget your safeword,”
Which I can fucking hear, and it is thus completely not my fault that this immediately popped into my head:
(Lisa/Jean/Kaeya under the cut)
Teatime is meant to be sacred, you know. It’s a darling little ritual to break up the day. Peaceful, harmonious. If, lately, it’s also come with a delightful side of spending time with Jean, and occasionally Kaeya, well, that’s just two more reasons for teatime to be important, don’t you think?
Sometimes, though, not even the fear of Lisa’s wrath can keep Jean’s underlings from interrupting.
Lisa’s fingertips rub circles into her temples. In all honesty, she tuned out whatever crisis this is ages ago. Her tea’s lone gone. The other two cups, so carefully brewed, are cold. No one’s touched the assortment of sliced fruits, nor the biscuits.
It might be selfish of her, to be sad over such a silly thing, but really, is it? Jean works so hard. Lisa all but bullied her into routinely meeting up like this, and Kaeya’s no better. Yes, she’s sad about the loss of their quiet rest, the lack of time together, but at the heart of it, Lisa’s upset at how the rest of the world is intent on working them both into an early grave.
Varka’s in for an earful when he returns.
Half an hour. That’s all she’s trying to give them. Half an hour to breathe.
Instead, Kaeya paces the length of the rug, voice rising and falling in its most persuasive tones. Jean stands behind her chair, one hand curled over the back. Bruises are beginning to darken under her eyes. How much more lovely would she look, if she was simply allowed a full night’s sleep? How broad would those shoulders really be, if they weren’t coiled so tight with tension? For that matter, Lisa’s willing to bet Kaeya’s lip would swell so much sweeter if the teeth sinking into it weren’t so rife with worry.
Irritation spikes in Jean’s voice, calling Lisa back to the present. She purrs, “Careful cutie, keep that up and I might forget your safeword.”
They freeze. They always do. It’s adorable, really, how easy it is to trip them up like this.
Jean’s flush is a thing of beauty, much darker than Lisa can usually pull out with a single line.
Lisa tilts her head, and blinks.
Neither of them have moved. They’re simply… staring at one another.
Her brows bunch together. Hmm. Perhaps she’s overstepped.
All at once, Kaeya animates, a too-loud laugh filling the space between them all. He waves an extravagant hand in the air, ambling back to Jean’s side. “Be careful yourself,” he says, glancing from Jean’s red face to Lisa. “Lines that like are liable to lose you the soft domme reputation you’ve so pointedly cultivated.”
Lisa smiles, making sure to allow it to bloom slowly. She watches a lovely shiver work its way up Jean’s spine.
“What I’m hearing is you think I’d make a good domme,” she says, and allows her smile to curl into sultry as the edge of Kaeya’s lip tucks between his teeth.
Jean’s inhale is sharp.
Like the blustery thing he is, he opens his mouth as soon as he catches her looking. “Is that so? Do good dommes often ‘forget’ safewords?”
“Only with permission, darling. After all, it would be my job to take care of you, wouldn’t it? That includes giving you the punishments you want.”
Kaeya’s eye is blown wide enough to lose its star shape.
“Although, I do find myself far more interested in giving out praise over punishments. And I wouldn’t need to punish the two of you, now would I?”
“I feel,” Jean squeaks, stopping to clear her throat. “Oh my goodness,” her hands come up to pat at her still-burning cheeks.
Kaeya attempts what Lisa assumes is meant to be a laugh, but it comes out more like a rough breath.
“This is maybe not a work appropriate conversation,” Jean says, still squeaky, still red, still staring at Lisa like she’s never seen her before.
Lisa stands, and watches how they swallow in unison.
And then the door bangs open, Amber rushing in with another fistful of papers.
“You will not believe the amount of nonsense,” Amber exclaims, only to stop dead and stare at the three of them. “Um. Is everything okay here? Is this a bad time?”
Jean shakes herself, once, twice, and when she pulls her gorgeous eyes off Lisa for the first time in ages, Lisa finds that she’s had quite enough of that, thank you very much.
“It is, yes,” she says before Jean can dive right back into whatever inane thing needs her attention now. “Go ahead and drop that anywhere, and we’ll get back to you later, okay?”
Amber’s already nodding, her eyebrows pressed tightly together. “Yeah, yeah, okay, and I’ll tell Wyatt not to let anyone else in for now.”
The girl’s gone in the same rush she arrived, door thunking closed behind her. As an added precaution, Lisa activates her personal wards, watching both doors glow a faint purple.
“Did I know you could do that?” Kaeya asks mildly.
Jean’s already moving to collect the papers Amber left behind.
Lisa tuts. “Jeanie, sit.”
Jean sits.
Jean sits, and then an absolutely baffled expression takes over her pretty face. That flush is back in full force.
“Good girl,” Lisa says, leaning one hip on the table across from her.
Oh.
That flush goes so dark Lisa’s a little worried the poor thing’s gone dizzy.
Goodness, if this keeps up, Lisa is going to be the dizzy one.
“And I believe that’s my cue,” Kaeya chirps, easing around where Jean’s still gaping up at Lisa. “Mind undoing the door long enough to let me out?”
“I’m afraid I do mind. Your turn, sweetie. Sit down for me.”
“Aha,” Kaeya says, but his feet stop moving.
“Jeanie baby?”
Jean slings one arm out, tugging Kaeya in until he sits across her lap, held in place with her arms around his hips.
That one blue eye slides from Jean to Lisa and back again, as though he can’t decide where he should be looking.
“So good for me,” Lisa says again, delighting in the way the two of them melt into each other. “Aren’t you two just the prettiest little kittens I’ve ever seen.”
She sits back down, leaves them to press into each other, lets them keep their eyes on her as she starts preparing them all new cups of tea. When she looks up, Kaeya’s slouched down to cuddle into Jean’s shoulder, his arms wrapped around her middle. All three of those gorgeous eyes are fixed on her, exactly where she likes them best.
“Now then. I think we have some new things to discuss, and you two darlings have some safewords to pick out.” She winks, and relishes the way two sets of teeth sink into lower lips. “Don’t worry. I won’t forget them unless you want me to.”
76 notes · View notes
astrito · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
um. um. um. um. um. um.
18 notes · View notes
shameboree · 1 year
Note
Hi! Just wanted to say i saw your reblog about your every year resolution is to be the cringiest version of yourself and i really admired that and i was wondering how did you learn that mindset? This is coming from a person who was/is pretty worried about what others would think of me so seeing someone who doesnt give a damn about it blew my mind! Have a nice day!💖
i used to be the MOST self conscious motherfucker alive but i am ALSO a self indulgent dumbass and i think the most influential factors in my willingness to be Cringe On Main are
1- spent my most formative internet years on tegaki, home of cringe (did lcc stand for long cat central or did it REALLY stand for loving cringe central? in my heart it is both), after migrating from oekaki, which were specialized cringe microcosms
2- I Almost Died. no matter how bad something sucks or how embarrassing i may be my brain immediately defaults to Well It's Better Than Almost Dying or Being Dead. i know this isnt QUITE the hit for non near deathers the way it is for death escapees but my catchphrase is WE ALL DIE IN THE END ANYWAY!! which doesnt mean its pointless to live it means its pointless NOT to live. if were all DEAD N DUST then shouldnt we fucking PARTY?? shouldnt we make insane brain soap operaesque aus of blorbo from our shows?? or of our homemade blorbos ?? should we not draw the cringest shit imaginable if it Sparks Joy?!?!!
Also i am embarrassing all the time and know that is like +25% into my charisma stat bc people find me CHARMING. i am the type of cringe bitch who stops in the middle of telling a story to cry laugh for a SOLID and honest 3-5 minutes because i thought i was So Funny which is like Peak secondhand embarrassment inducing behavior AND YET people almost always find it funny also.
HOW CAN I WEATHER THE SHAME OF BEING CRINGE, U ASK ME, TO WHICH I SAY WOULDNST THOU LIKE TO LIVE FUCKIN DELICIOUSLY??
45 notes · View notes
cinnamon-grump · 6 months
Text
Idk what is WRONG with me but some days I really just. It’s like.. my brain is just…. Glitching?
Like i KNOW i shouldn’t put that plate in the microwave for several minutes to steam potatoes…. But I have a “well I’ve put it in for shorter times and nothing bad happens so this will be okay i guess” and then i. Do the thing. The thing I just told myself I shouldn’t.
And I know I shouldn’t put this sweater in the dryer because it will matt and shrink— but the smell of it triggered me back to being in my mom’s old car.. one in which me n my siblings were technically kidnapped by our babysitter. My desperation to get riiiiid of that smell made me fucking STUPID and now the sweater is tiny and probably destroyed and I feel like the biggest asshole alive… cause I just couldnmt stand a fucking smell!! I ruined a fuckijg handmade gift that was worked on for mONTHS all be cause. Of a stink.
6 notes · View notes
icharchivist · 1 month
Text
yknow this one post that's like
Tumblr media
the embarrassing thing about me is that this is me but it only works when i'm super mentally ill about ff7 because every time i'm obsessed with ff7 it's the only time i manage to motivate myself to do exercises and trying to take better care of myself FULLY because "Zack would want me to take care of myself", i'm doing some exercises despite hating every second of it because "Zack would want me to be able to pull some squats and i can't do that in my current shape so now i have to make it better" like, ok, cringelord. DoItForHimCollage.jpg about Zack Fair i guess. I have a deodorant smell i associate so strongly to Zack that putting it on makes me actually motivated to take care of myself. fucking mortifying.
*sends a kiss to the sky* for Zack Fair. I guess.
6 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
Aspect of Order: Primordial & Present-Day
One of the first deities, part of what is known as the Primordial Triad. It created the planes alongside the Aspects of Chaos and the In-Between and held dominion over the Material Plane. It embodied order in the way nature has order: the life cycle, gravity, the tides, the surety that the seasons will change, the patterns that appear in flora and fauna alike, the symmetry of pinecones and butterflies. It was associated with the night as a time of quiet preparation where the world rests, and when one can see the remains of creation in the darkened sky. It is said that the two moons of the Material Plane are its eyes, watching over its creations.
All three members of the Primordial Triad are referred to with "it", so ancient and unfathomable that applying a mortal, transient concept of gender to them seemed almost blasphemous.
Almost.
The modern-day conception of Order is quite different. Though she still reigns over the night and natural laws, her followers have placed her at the forefront of the creation process, reducing the In-Between's role and rejecting Chaos altogether. Though most present-day cultures think of her in this way, many of them do not emphasize her: she is an invisible Over-God, keeping the other deities and forces in line and maintaining cosmic balance from behind the scenes. In places where she is worshipped heavily, however, she is placed at the forefront of the pantheon. In those cases, worship of deities with overlapping domains is either illegal (ex local gods of justice) or considered secondary to her (ex the god of the Wilds). The worship of smaller, local deities is usually discouraged or suppressed over-all in these areas in order to encourage a more structured, uniform religious practice. While both aspects of Order championed paladins, Primordial Order also championed druids and rangers while Modern Order champions clerics.
Ancient theologians debated whether or not Order and Chaos were two aspects of the same being (ironically, there was no question that the In-Between was its own separate force). However, following the iconoclasm that effectively forced Chaos out of the pantheon and created the modern conception of Order, such lines of thought were considered heretical, and then blasphemous.
The iconoclasm did have an unintended consequence, however. Crying motifs appeared in some art of Primordial Order around that time, particularly in the areas that resisted the iconoclasts more intensely. Some scholars believe that it may have been a direct reaction to the event: Order mourning the loss of its counterpart. Others have argued, however, that the lack of such motifs (or equivalents) in depictions of the In-Between prove this wrong. After all, why would it not also be grieving?
4 notes · View notes
hella1975 · 2 years
Text
i have to get a new fucking laptop and it’s zuko’s fault he was sick of being bullied in taob and said ‘i don’t think you should be a writer in fact i ask that you never write again’ and immediately broke my fucking laptop screen
66 notes · View notes
pepprs · 1 year
Text
update i have to apply for my own job for the SECOND time in two years by wednesday and im taking my learners permit test on friday which means i have to finish absorbing the drivers manual by then. the way i am LONGING to walk into traffic.
#the driving thing is just extra stress but the applying for my own job AGAIN thing is making me absofuckingLUTELY insane. this process was#so psychically damaging for me to go through a year ago and the fact that exactly a year later i am doing it again and have to jump thru all#the same hoops and write a new cover letter and find new references and INTERVIEW with my colleagues and all that… like i appreciate this so#much bc basically what is happening is im getting a raise and will be converted to a regular employee (im contractual rn bc that’s all they#could do when i graduated). but like the fact that i am once again under the MORTIFYING psychic stress of my colleagues being the search#committee and me being u able to talk to them abt this or get reassurance and them having to treat me like they don’t know me and this not#being guaranteed and other people potentially applying and me having to compete with them… it is too much fucking stress for me to go#through. it’s just too fucking much. i am so mentally and emotionally exhausted and now i have to walk through fire AGAIN⁉️⁉️⁉️ i wanna KMS#like it’s fine. but also the existential dreaddddd the way i cannot bear to live through this one more time but i have to and im going to. 😍#purrs#delete later#like i get it and i know it’s to make it fair and equitable. but whyyyyy do they have to put me through this again have i not proven myself#time and time again is this job not QUITE LITERALLY designed for me to be in it. and it’s not merely an annoyance it’s like… actively a#stressor that is taking years off my life just like it did last year and the timeline is even more accelerated bc last year i had two weeks#to apply and this time i have FIVE DAYS!!!!! and i have to reach out to references and i can’t do that until monday bc it’s the weekend 😭😭😭😭#like LMFOAHDHSKDHSODHAJJB of course this is happening to meeeeee im going fucking insane. also i might have to do this a THIRD time someday#and i would have to get a masters degree for that too. so basically the only path forward is CEASELESS suffering and psychic agony. there is#no hope for women. fuck my stupid baka life. but also this is a good thing and also i have it sooooo good which is soooo unfair to everyone#else for example possibly wasting everyone else’s time who applies for this job. but also fuck my stupid baka life.#technically im applying for this job for the second time in 365 days. like it’s not even two years it’s that i did this a year ago and now a#year later im doing it again. LESS than a year later. it hasn’t even been a full year yet. help 😻👍#if february 9 2022 me fucking knew what HORRORS awaited her 24 hours from then and 3 months from then and 5 months from then and 15 months f#from then. she would have imploded LMFAOOOOOOOO
12 notes · View notes
cmbdragon98 · 9 months
Text
Not over my wife telling me "fun facts" about like, that old ass Milo and Otis movie, with the pug and orange kitten...
But the "fun facts" are just about... how fucking Awful the cases of animal abuse were for that film....
She really was giddily like DID YOU KNOW-?!
3 notes · View notes
strwbrymlkshake · 1 year
Text
ohh I do want to pass away why am I so stupid
Tumblr media
#mine#🎸#why am i such a terrible person 😇 genuinely what the fuck#me when i want to cry and tear my skin off over a minor mistake ufhdshdjfjg can i stop being fucking stupid for once#crying over a mistake right NOW actually everything is so difficult i dont know what im supposed to do in these situations!!!!!!!#i get in trouble for not knowing what to do in social situations then i have to apologize and i didnt know THAT either.#bashing my head against the wall violence maiming killing death torture bloodletting slicing tearing defenestrating murdering annihilating#me anmd my epic autism powers. shouldnt i know better why csnt you understand!!! who is at fault here! i dont even know#ashshsjdksjfklsfke im wanna cry so hard everything sucks right now im too busy for this shit. for Emotions#why are you punishing me do you hate me?! did you never even like me at all are you trying to make me mad!!! why#im so tired and frustrated i want everything to go perfectly but its not nothing can be perfect in this terrible world he is going to hate#me now. hell why do i have urges like this it always ruins everything im being so selfish arent i aren't i arent i !!!!!!!! why cant we#be FUCKING compatible and perfect snd everything what is the problem am i the problem?!?? why cant you understsnd what im trying to tellyou#maybe it really would just be better if i died nothing good has happened or is going to happen to me since he probably hates me and#my life sucks!!!!! my face hurts from crying i cant cry properly it hurts it feels so hot why cant it end already!!!!!!! why cant#we be perfect like we are supposed to why cant you UNDERSTAND it seems easy to understand to ME whwueh i am mortified my throat hurts#my head hurts i hate this world why couldnt i resist why did i have to be vulnerable id be better off if. well i dont know#i do want to crush bones and flesh beneath my hands to be honest i dont KNOW i thought it was going well i thought it was good#the thread i am hanging on by is quite thin actually why do i care so much why do i care so little im going to explode right meow!!!#my mood is so ruined i dont know if im even used to this whole thing i cannot get in particular moods im so. rgrhrhggr none of this post#is going to make sense i just need to say words while crying then itll be fine probably#this is just another one of god's little tests i think that everyone will hate me no matter what in the end so i have to enjoy it while#it lasts. no matter how hard i try everything always ends up the same way. all this started because of my mistakes and itll end with them
8 notes · View notes
vzajemnik · 10 months
Text
psychoanalysis of the self continues: choosing to live the way i am living now is the bravest thing ive done so far
5 notes · View notes
transgaysex · 11 months
Text
the crossbite stuff is a bit annoying but im trying very hard to apply my usual thought process of "if you can fix it then dont stress just fix it. if tou cant fix it then dont stress bc theres nothing to do" but it really is just :/
2 notes · View notes
pepprs · 1 year
Text
ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.
#purrs#delete later#idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every#single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional#needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t#those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t#this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone#but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o#course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and#i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved#mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or#whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a#week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be#writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all#the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality#is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents.#and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments#where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them#comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so#painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i#haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that#kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im#crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i#missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever.#and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read#the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are#closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom#to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess.#also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and#that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk
12 notes · View notes