#gabby why are you up at 3 30 am

[baggy-holmes]

something sweet & innocent

[into-crazy]

Derry’s Secret Pt. 3

Pennywise x Female Reader series

Warnings- mature language, stalking, violence, dark themes, ages 18+

Other parts can be found RIGHT HERE and through the "Derry's Secret" tag🎈

The vibrations from your phone had woken you. The alarm displaying 9:30 am as you dismiss it.

Yawning deeply, you look over at Gabby who's still sound asleep. She looks so comfortable. Her dark locks are sprawled all over her face and the pillow, soft snores emerging with each rhythmic breath she takes, and there's a patch of dried drool on the corner of her mouth.

"Sleeping beauty." You quietly snicker standing up and getting a good stretch.

Last night's events still freshly lingered on your mind. After coming literally face to face with this scary being and so close to being devoured, that's not something you could easily shake off. Without trying to wake your friend, you quietly head into the bathroom to get ready for the day. Took a quick shower, brushed your teeth, and fixed your hair. You put on a pair of high-waisted mom jeans and a long sleeved top. A comfortable fit for the day.

Walking back into the kitchen, you see Gabby starting to arise from her slumber.

"Good morning!" You shout out, getting to work on cleaning last night's mess.

"Morning," she yawns deeply. "You're up early."

"It's after nine," you acknowledge while getting a start on the dishes.

"Yeah, but it's Sunday."

"I know."

She goes into the bathroom to briefly freshen up then comes out to help you. She folds the blankets and throws out the trash. When she comes back inside, she goes over to the couch to check her phone. "Ah man, I forgot.."

"What?" You ask making your way over, drying your hands off with a towel.

"Brian and I are meeting up for lunch, but I need to go home and change. Damn, I should head out." She fixes her hair in a quick ponytail, a look of annoyance on her tired face.

You laugh, "why the face?"

"My phone was on silent and he's called about six times. I have to go." Grabbing her bag she gives you a hug. "I'll call you later, bye."

"Bye, drive safe," you see her out.

Well at least now you could stop for some breakfast and head straight to the library afterwards. Making sure everything was off, you grab your phone and bag before locking the door behind you.

~~

Getting around on foot wasn't an issue. You have a vehicle, which you use to get to work and on other occasions. However most of the locations were close enough for you to walk, which you prefer over driving and wasting gas. It saves you money, plus it's good for your legs.

You come up to your location- Derry Public Library. This building must have been here for years. It looks as though it's one of the oldest structures still standing in town. Heading inside, you see that it is noticeably empty. There's only two or three people sitting at the desks with their heads buried in a book. At the main counter sat an older woman.

"Hello," she greets as you draw near, "is there anything I can help you with?" Her glasses are noticeably large, and she wore a baggy dress that reaches down to her feet in length.

"Hi, yes," you return, "I need help with finding something regarding Derry's history."

"Anything in particular?"

"Tragic incidents and events dating farther back." You imply hoping that it is enough information for her to work with. Not wanting to go much further into detail other than that.

"I have a few books on that." She replies fixing her lenses. You follow her to the shelves towards the back that contained a relatively scarce selection. There were books on each event, and even thicker ones that contained multiple. She pulls out two of the bigger books, handing them to you. "These will contain what you're looking for."

"Thank you," you praise looking over the covers. "I was wondering if you could help me with something else?"

"Sure. Like what, dear?"

"I was hoping to maybe get a deeper, more detailed look into these events. Like actual reports, maybe?"

She ponders for a moment, "oh well, we might have something downstairs located in the archives. It is a lot. Would you like to take a look?"

"Yes please, if you wouldn't mind." You light up.

The librarian leads you downstairs into the records area. It was more like a dusty basement, rather. Boxes and boxes filled the shelves, ranging to the back of the dimly lit room. At the very end, you find the 'missing children' section. Your chest tightens with the sight of many bins containing the cases. There is a desk with a lamp directly under a small window peeking outside. You set your belongings down there.

The woman began searching around the corner on another shelf. "May I ask why you're interested in researching these events?" She asks curiously.

You shrug, "oh it's just for a small project. I'm writing an essay for college, it'll be a report on Derry's tragic incidents."

You felt guilty lying to the old woman. But it's not like you could tell her the truth.

Oh, yes. I'm really here to find some information regarding this inhuman clown that broke into my apartment and almost fucking devoured me! By the way, he goes by Pennywise. You know him?

Yeah, that would sound pretty crazy.

"I see," she says walking over. "Our town certainly has a history of misfortune. I should know, I've lived here all my life." Her saddened tone immediately changes when she comes back over carrying a large box in her hands. "Here you are, you can start with these." She places it on the table beside you before pointing to the area from which she came. "The shelves over on that side contain some more files. I need to head back upstairs. Will you be alright down here by yourself?"

"Yes ma'am, I'll be fine." You assure, much preferring the solitude anyway.

"Please, my name's Margaret, dear. I'll come and check in on you."

"Thank you, Margaret." You call out to the woman, waiting for her to leave before turning around and pulling a box of missing children files off the metal shelf.

Seated at the desk, you skim through as many files as you can. It appears there has been a drastic increase in numbers from the late 80's. Then it seemed to calm for a while, before picking back up recently within this year. Come to think of it, you do recall seeing more 'missing kid' fliers in town lately. Also located on the shelves remained some old police reports on the children that had been found. You were hesitant on opening these files, knowing that they probably contain very gruesome details. However, you suck up the nerve to go through them. Strangely, it turns out the cases from the 80's had similarities. Many of the children were found without limbs and displayed obvious chew marks. As if an animal attacked and fed on them. A few of the current found children's cases corresponded as well.

It had to be Pennywise. It had to be.

You might have just found out what caused the disappearance of children throughout the years. However, this doesn't exactly tell you what that thing was. A creature? Demon? Perhaps a real life vampire? All this information yet still nothing on Pennywise!

It's even mind boggling how this hasn't even been made out the way it should. With this many cases, why wasn't there an ongoing investigation? Why isn't there anyone taking this seriously? It seems like way too big of an issue to blow over, especially with Derry's own residents. How can they be so oblivious to what's happening?

Maybe Pennywise has some kind of control over them as it feeds on them. Yes, it physically consumes their bodies. But telling by the way it smelled your skin seconds before trying to eat you, it was definitely searching for something else. Fear. That's what it muttered against you in a rabid frenzy. Pennywise wanted you to be afraid- scratch that- needed you to be afraid. So it could feed from it. But why?

Tossing the papers down, you message your aching temples. An hour has gone by, and your lower body has fallen asleep in the chair. You stand to rub the feeling back into your legs, wincing when you run over the bruise under your thigh. Reports of all sorts scattered over the table. This is ridiculous. You hadn't intended for this to turn into a full blown research project. It's too much, you're investing too much time into this. You're not a detective. This isn't your job or your concern for the matter. So why should you care about it? Since clearly no one else in this town does. You need to let this go, there's no reason for you to keep digging into this.

Deciding it was time to leave, you pack everything away and put the boxes back in their respective places.

You lift the last box and walk it over to the shelf. It was the one Margaret had pulled out, you hadn't even looked through its contents. The spot for this one was slightly higher and the box was heavy. While attempting to push it up, a sheet slips way through the cracks. Leading a way for a few more to fall out onto the floor. You let out a loud huff and set the bin down. Collecting one of the papers, it's a copy of an old photograph titled- Easter Egg Hunt 1908. Examining it briefly, something in the photo catches your eye. Behind the crowd of kids there was a circus wagon. It's clearly labeled- Pennywise the Dancing Clown with the portrait of a clown on the side of the carriage.

You shake your head in confusion.

No.. No, no, no, it can't be.

"This isn't right," you mumble frantically as you gather the rest. Different pictures with the same wagon in the back. This has to be a trick. These aren't real photos.

You throw the papers back in the box then hurriedly proceed to the table to gather your items. Immediately pausing when you spot something that wasn't there on the desktop before. A single, red deflated balloon. In utter shock, you pick it up, shakily bringing the rubber material closer to your face.

At that moment, the air around you suddenly feels thicker. A quiet chuckle rises not far from behind. You whip around, inspecting the shelves which surrounded you. Shit, I hope that isn't him. The lights start to flicker and you hear the familiar sound of bells. Please, not here. You are completely alone down here, with only one way out. Unfortunately that's were the sound came from. A few of the lights ahead go out, leaving the space gloomier. The one bulb and the window above you barely keeping the tiny area lit.

Speak of the devil, emerging from the darkness was Pennywise himself. Eyes glowing amber yellow as he comes into your view.

"Find what you were looking for?" He hints motioning to himself.

You gulp backing into the table, keeping your focus ready for his next move. Seeing how this encounter didn't go so well for you the last time.

"Pity I didn't get to eat you last night." He smiles widely. "Frankly, it seems as though everyone enjoys interrupting my meal times."

You continue to back up around the desk. Your sides are closed off by the shelves, and he's blocking your only path to escape. "Or maybe you just didn't want to eat me yet?" You counter his words.

Dropping his smile he tilts his head. "Oh! And why would you think that?"

"Because I wasn't scared enough. You had the chance to do it but you dragged it on. You feed off of people's fear, sucking out as much as you can before sinking your teeth into their flesh." You spit at the entity closing in.

"Clever girl," Pennywise acknowledges. "To believe you've got it all figured out." Backing you into the wall, he towers above you.

"Woman." You challenge, entirely unsure what came over you. But for one, you sure as hell aren't going to let it belittle you like this. "And I won't give that to you. I'm not afraid of you."

He growls at your words with claws tearing through his white gloves. Vigorously grabbing your throat, he lifts you up the wall. "You should be."

Damn it, not again! Should've already seen this coming.

You try to steady yourself on the wall with your feet, but to no avail. He laughs mockingly at your helplessness, squeezing tighter. You grab at the clawed hand, trying to loosen his grip, trying to find a way out of this. No one is here to help you this time, no one's coming to your rescue. There's no way you're going out without a fight, though. Not this time. But your opportunity is fleeing fast. You need to act now.

Think y/n!

If fear is what he seeks, then perhaps you should give him something else. Something drastic. Exaggerated enough for him to release you in an instant. But what? Suddenly, you get this idea. This crazy idea that no one else in your position would even think to come up with.

You manage to suck in some air, "fuck it."

Grabbing ahold of his costume, you unexpectedly tug him in. Clashing your lips onto his in a kiss. In total shock, he releases his grip on your neck. But you wrap your legs around his waist to keep from falling, moving your hand behind his large head to deepen the kiss. His lips are large and wet from the constant salivating. You couldn't help but cringe a little at the feel of them.

Stumbling back, he detaches your limbs. Causing you to fall and crash back onto the wall. You watch as Pennywise recedes, frantically wiping his mouth. Spreading his red stained drool all over his cheeks. Rapidly shaking his head as he shrieks of utter horror and confusion. Not even looking at you while he disappears into the darkness, leaving behind the echoes of his screams.

Looks like it worked. Safe to sense he's gone, you breathe out a sigh of relief. Who knew the big scary clown was so terrified of a harmless little kiss? And you didn't even use tongue, now imagine if you did. He would've been mortified!

You swipe your sleeved wrist across your lips, removing the drool he left. It's thick and slimy. Pain shoots up under your thigh as you attempt to stand. How many times have you been knocked down within the last 24 hours? Should probably start tallying them up at this point.

Collecting yourself, you make sure to rush out of there. Quickly leaving the library, not wanting to interact with anyone. You need to process what happened. And sure, you might have repelled him for now. But what if he decides to come back? Gabby's not coming over again later, so you're going to be alone all night. And tomorrow. And the night after that. And the one after..

Knowing you weren't going to sleep tonight, you decided to make a stop at the pharmacy for some sleeping pills. You figured Pennywise probably can't terrorize you and feed off of your fear if you're asleep.

The older man that rang you up noticed the distress in your face and asked if you were okay. "I'm fine," you simply implied. "Sleepless nights." No one ever shows any real concern beyond that anyways. So what would be the point?

It turns out you were right on getting those pills. You take two of them before bed and they allow you to rest for work in the morning. Hopefully work will get your mind off these recent events and things would go back to normal. But here's to hoping.

You'd hate to overthink, only to have your thoughts wander elsewhere they shouldn't.

End of Part 3.

[tubborucho]

The Quotebook

I already posted half of those quotes once, but there’s more now AND I learned how to do read more.

Most of the quotes are from different mcyt, but there’s also a couple of other people like CallMeKevin, Steven Suptic, Insym, Jacksepticeye, Gabby, etc.

Current quotes count: 431

Some of the quotes may be a bit different from the original, but it’s hard to type them out while it’s a livestream

1. “Oh it looks different in the darkness! Like a glow stick!” Ranboo

2. “Just killed a woman, feeling good” Tommy

3. “I am not mad, I am just disappointed in everything you are” Tommy

4. “Even if i started as a gaslighter, I ended as a girlboss, and that is what matter” Tommy

5. “No one except me put my life in danger, but yet i still do” Tommy

6. “I lost, but to be fair, i also cheated” Tommy

7. “I am my own girlfriend” Tommy

8. “I have a gun and no will to live. Let’s see what will happen” Tommy, playing minecraft

9. “Scott doesn’t like my russian dancing???” Tubbo

10. “I think I am fine just russian dancing, baby!” Tubbo

11. “I haven’t got a time to lose” Tommy

12. “If you don’t like the rules, you shouldn’t be in Wyoming” Tommy

13. “I think psychological war is a key to all relationships” Tommy

14. “Sorry, you couldn’t talk to me, I was too busy being alpha” Wilbur

15. “She drops her wings like guillotine” Wilbur

16. “Tubbo maybe love America. But I only love things that are real. Like Jesus” Wilbur

17. “I will give you advice. No matter how you look, no matter who or where you are. QUIT YOUR JOB! And then start a company! And quit it too! There’s not enough quitters in the world” Tommy

19. “If we all build a bomb and then combine it, we can finally get rid of America!” Tommy

20. “Will, I am dipped again” Tommy

21. “We need mud more than ever” Tommy

22. “We’re dumpenning the glam” Tommy

23. “I’m the only cock round here” Tommy

24. “Get birthed, bitch. Enjoy pregnancy, you fuck” Tommy

25. “Thing about friends is that they all gonna leave you. So you should leave them first” Tommy

26. “If Georgenotfound was a mouse, Schlatt would be a rat” Tommy

27. “‘I can't block clutch that’ is what I said when my marriage was failing” Tommy

28. “Who these axolotl fucks and why are they getting more attention than me?” Tommy

29. “Oh, this zombie found a food. But I am a food” Tommy

30. “Let me find my own battles” Tommy

31. “I got this boat still, I am optimising on it” Tommy

32. “The wind is truly cooking up on my sail” Tommy

33. “There’s a thing, Phil. I overcame death” Tommy

34. “Everyone dies in their own unique and wonderful way” Tommy

35. “Tubbo is such an only child” Tommy

36. “I crave manipulation” Tommy

37. “I’m gatekeeping right now pretty hard, ngl” Sneeg

38. “Would’ve start serious dming Tubbo” Tommy

39. “I lost my phone, I think I dropped it in the shower and never picked it up” Tubbo

40. Tommy: You didn’t explain me the game!

Tubbo: Well, explaining only works when you listen

Tommy: Mememem look at me, I am Tubbo, I am smart

41. “C’mon, king, take Pakistan, you deserve this” Tubbo

42. Tubbo: I think it’s everyone’s game except for Tommy.

Tommy, chuckling: Thanks, man. Iran will remember that.

43. “You lecturning me” Tommy, to the Villager

44. "It's not about the people you mend along the way, it's about- it's about you know, the fact that when- 'cause you're gonna die, the fact that when you die, you're not- you're not alone" - TommyInnit, 2022.

45. “I am wearing a Tubbo hoodie. I am wearing a Tubbo hoodie. I am wearing a Tubbo hoodie. Tubbo moment, Tubbo moment” Tommy

46. “Guys, I am currently your uncomfortable streamer, because I am completely discomforted” Tommy

47. “‘Streamer has morals’? Just know I can turn them off. I can and I will” Tubbo

48. “As a civilization, would we benefit from Tommyinnit not being able to swim?” Wilbur

49. “I will not add something like that to my kingdom. Too much math. And I am gay, I can’t do maths” Scott S Smajor

50. “I don't know how you expect us to live laugh love in these conditions” Scott S Smajor

51. “Only Tubbo would go ‘I’ve been craving ability of changing probability recently’” Tommy

52. “But only if it’s cute. If it’s not… I’d rather live dangerously” Scott S Smajor

53. "Gatekeep, Gaslight, and Girlboss, Cleo. That's the 3 Gs of this series. You want to gatekeep the resources, you want to gaslight the other players, and you want to girlboss by winning" Scott S Smajor

54. “I am gatekeeping gates now! No one gets in!” Scott S Smajor

55. "I already came out, it was a few years ago Pearl. It was a hard time” Scott S Smajor

56. “I encourage milfs and dilfs to watch my streams” Tommy

57. “My job in this group is to make it extremely gay” Scott

58. “Who cares. I care” Tubbo

59. “You know, sometimes I really don’t know how I got this far in life” Jimmy

60. “Please don't put a bomb in it if you ever give me a gift either, i don't like bombs” Tommy

61. “If your brother calls you an idiot, you should say ‘Shut up bitch’” Foolish

62. “The thing is: my game is never over, it’s only started” Tommy

63. “You used to be about water courses and Georgenotfound” Wilbur

64. “It’s not about the noise, it’s about the journey” Tommy

65. “We sacrificed two more people to the hardcore world” Joel Smallishbeans

66. “Big spiky hips. That’s what I look for in a woman” Wilbur

67. “Never put your fucking jizz and cum in the corner bitch” Jack Manifold

68. “I can feel myself melting down. I’m like a Chernobyl now” Tubbo

69. “What people did? Invented anime and war. Let’s eat people” Tommy

70. “Beckyamon, I take back all my thoughts about you I didn’t say outloud” Tommy

71. “You know? I all for equality, but I draw a line on eating people” Tubbo

72. “I remember losing my kidney virginity” Tommy

73. “Minding my business, I had a hay in my mouth. What can I say? I am a man of culture. So…” Tubbo

74. “I don’t think you should take eyeballs from strangers” GeminiTay

75. “Me too, king. I’m glad we can hang out like the old and gays… WAIT, I didn’t mean to say old and gays, it just kinda came out! Sorry… Well, they came out too.” Jack Manifold

76. “Philza Minecraft don’t do mercy. He also doesn’t do Geneva Convention” Tubbo

77. “An Irishmen never trust anyone who can make tea in the dark” Jacksepticeye

78. "I sucked Fundy... I'm sure he'll appreciate that” 5up

79. "A bunch of f*cking idiots... and then 5up" Sleepy

80. “Sometimes i get in the shower with socks on to prove a point” Tubbo

81. “I like it when girl uses my own voice” Tommy

82. “You know I was pretending that I am bad at the game. But now when we are at 3 game, I can go all on” Connor

83. “I’m not the bigger person.. and I will never be the bigger person. but my god, will I be the louder person” Tubbo

84. “Guys, I guess my demons are coming out, Ive been threatening to fight a viewer for the past 5 minutes” Connor

85. “I can find something to complain about, give me 45 seconds” Connor

86. “Why would they make a game on any mechanic after 1.8” Connor

87. "I'm just a realist. It's not mean, some people would call it being real" DK

88. Tina: Apollo, why did you run away from this?

DumbDog: Cause I’m a bad bitch

89. “Tomatoes are strange creatures. I don’t trust them. I trust tomatoes about as far as I can throw them, which I suppose is a lot. Maybe that was a bad analogy” Foolish

90. “Am i a fruit? Am i a carb? No, I’m definitely a protein!” Foolish

91. “I’d be the guy in the apocalypse whose always chewing gum” Foolish

92. “See most people have boring merch, like shirts and hoodies. I’m gonna sell you guys dictionaries” Foolish

93. “I was stacking sand like an animal!” Foolish

94. “If anything, I underthink” Foolish

95. “I’m like a dolphin, or a shark... whatever drinks water” Foolish

96. “It’s good to have some muffins before kicking ass” Foolish

97. “If I was born in 98' what actually am I? Am I a gemini... or a millenial?..” Foolish

98. “Charity is never easy” Smallishbeans

99. “Why must I be in pain for simply just exiting” Tina

100. “Raft is like a game of chess. Sophisticated, yet modest” Tommy

101. “Patience is a virtue of a man” Tommy

102. “Plastic comes in so many shapes and sizes. It never fails to amaze me” Tommy

103. “I am just taking a moment to take it all in” Tommy

104. “I don’t need a sail when I have optimism” Tommy

105. “I hope I didn’t fail 5up here. I know how much he likes playing video games” Steven Suptic

106. “It’s like those american schools you have, with guns!” Tubbo

107. “You’re trying to tell me that Skeppy exists, and I don’t believe it” Tubbo

108. “People are dying over there, and I am looking at my storage” Tommy

109. Tommy: Sex kills!

Tubbo: And my god, it is morally wrong

110. “I got so much blood coming from my ears because of you” Tubbo

111. Tommy: Guys, I think I am happiest I’ve ever been right now.

Tubbo: I am so sorry, get well soon.

112. “We need to be well-rounded individuals, if we gonna shoot people and feel good about that” Tommy

113. “I don’t speak bicycle” JSchlatt

114. “You have to trust me, it’s you” DK

115. "I haven't seen 5up all round, maybe he's the killer" Koji says, when 5up was already dead the round before

116. “How do you defeat something which you cannot kill? How, how do you defeat something that cannot die? It’s simple...You take away things that it cherishes, one by one, until it wishes that it was dead. 

That’s how you kill an unkillable god: 

By making it want to die.” BadBoyHalo, on having his house moved to Ohio

117. “I think eyes are overrated” Eret

118. “Man I speak horse! [NEIGH] Learned that from a horse girl back in high school” BoomerNA

119. “Well, I take no responsibility for that. Unless you are happy with outcome. Then I take all responsibility for that” Scott

120. “I am a constant risk to my own safety” Tubbo

121. “WHAT?! I didn't- I don't- this was never-. IM NOT INTO YOU TUBBO. I'm not. Not in "that way". Sorry if that makes things Cringe but no where was that implied. Sure, you're Fresh as Fuck but not in a way that I just think you've read into this too much” Tommy, because Tubbo said that he doesn’t want to sleep with him

122. “We need to start spreading hate” Tommy

123. “Thats it, im spreading hate” Tommy

124. “That’s a beginners talk, and for that you will receive a penalty” Steve

125. Koji: Hey, Dumbdog, any congratulations for me?

Dumbdog: Absolutely not...

126. “Eat a giant pile of shut the fuck up” Bob

127. "When I look at your eyes... They're both.... Eyes" Wade

128. “‘What is money if not an obstacle’. And that’s a Steve quote for my life, I will take it to the grave” Steve

129. “You think it’s gonna get me, Koji? I am impenetrable. Koji, I can’t penetrate-slash-never’ve been penetrated” Steve

130. “It looks like a ca-HAT-strophe” Steve

131. “I am glad we came to a decider that it isn’t gonna be me” Ellum

132. “He has such a low impact that everyone is just disregarding him” Steve

133. “Feel free to respect me” Tommy

134. “Chat, I think this whole thing has got very out of hand. All I want to do is sit and eat polaroid photos” Tommy

135. “I’m gonna go vegan in rage” Tommy

136. “I am perfect. I am absolutely perfect” George

137. “I want more of me and less of anyone else” Tommy

138. “The master of Among Us, dude?? You not even a peasant of Among Us!” Steve

139. “Sorry, didn’t know you are out to silence my free will” Tommy

140. “I can simply porn act and pretend there’s a bomb on me” 5up

141. “I would fuck a tory, but I wouldn’t get fucked by a tory” Wilbur

142. “He says big words to basically say nothing. And I know that, because I am good at that” 5up

143. “hello streamer, did you know that if you use a bucket of water and place it just before you land you can negotiate fall damage” the Jims (5up’s chat)

144. “It’s like Jesus. My favourite Disney princess” Scott

145. “I’ve never felt more like an animal in my life” 5up

146. “I like red little birds. They fill me with happiness and joy” Tubbo

147. “Every second Grian is only getting closer” Phil

148. “So I decided to block out the sun!“ Oli

149. “Oh no, my one weakness… being weak!” Lizzie

150. “Me and Ranboo were roleplaying that I was gifting him a rat” Wilbur

151. “I’ll have to horoscope all over the place” Wilbur

152. “No one’s as alive as me” Tubbo

153. “A minecraft bird cant fly with two left wings” Wilbur

154. “She’s a FREAK, but a fun freak in that” Tommy

155. “There was still like milk to milk from a minion cash cow” Seamus

156. "You never realise how long a minute is until you spend it waiting to die" Kevin

157. "How do we know this isn't an act of god?" Tommy

158. "He plays Minecraft and I play psychological thriller" Iskall

159. “Dream is a modern day Hannah Montana” Illumina

160. “Maximus Bucharest is not just a fashion house. He is a fashion bungalow” Max Fosh

161. “You pulled him out of a catalog. But because you pulled him out of a catalog his personality is paper-thin” Dylan

162. "Do you want her to marry a freaking tree? 'Cause I'm available” Dylan

163. “Oh no, my cod, it’s drowning!” Joel

164. “You give a man fishing rode and he is fed forever. You give him 8 buckets of salmon and he is scared and confused” Wilbur

165. “Trees help you breathe, and we all need to breathe to play Minecraft” Joel

166. “The beach people worship Totoro” Lizzie

167. “It feels like Scott did a weird random wheel generator, balanced it out and that’s the teams!” Antfrost

168. “It’s not Lime Llamas, it’s Lime Liars, and it’s me, Dream, Fruit and Your mom” Zeuz

169. “I am not gonna wrote Aqua Axolotls cause I can’t be bothered” Zeuz

170. “Church? It’s a Saturday. Church doesn’t exist” Wilbur

171. “What’s a Wisconsin?” ZombieCleo

172. “I don’t think I’ve appreciated before how weird ghasts are looking. I kind of just… accepted them in my life” Grian

173. “I’m gonna skip so much time, we’re gonna kill God himself” Jacksepticeye

174. “If they will just add more Sands of Time… The MCC just will get better and better” HBomb

175. “Through our discussion we had established that we will win. Great news” Oli

176. "You're a highly unusual individual and I can't let my audience be around you" Techno

177. “This is a sin! Let me get God on you” Tommy

178. “How do you predict? It’s all copium and bias. I don’t know how to not be biased, i am an egoistical optimistic person. So how do I do it?” Purpled

179. “DMCA IS ONE OF THOSE URBAN MYTHS” Tommy

180. “If only Jesus knew about this… oh I forgot, I AM Jesus” Tommy

181. “Sniff, I mean this in a nice way, but knowing memes does not make up for a personality” Tubbo

182. “I hate british people. British people should stop being british” Purpled

183. "I've won over 6,000 games of solo bedwars, fun is a distant memory" Purpboy, the kid that grew up with older brothers

184. “Don’t you know you are playing against Purpled Bedwars? I invented Bedwars” Purpled

185. "Put my tea in the microwave" Grian

186. "If first you don't succeed, keep annoying your friends until they listen" Grian

187. "We must not dwell on the fact we have no friends" Grian

188. “Not everything I do has to start a war. Sometimes I just want to create a society of sewer-related mole people” Grian

189. “You’d make a great politician, Lannan, because that was all bullshit” Jacksepticeye

190. Seapeekay: One thing I’ve learnt from this is that you miss all of the shots you dont take

Jacksepticeye: Oh, I just miss all of the shots regardless; I like to be consistent

191. "I haven't seen the moon in 3 years because I'm on the same server as Bdubs” Mumbo

192. “I’m about to hit spit spakle the fuck outta someone” Tubbo

193. “I will never be selected naturally. I will choose when it’s my time to die” Tubbo

194. “I am such a good discomfort streamer. I got so good at that lately” Tubbo

195. “I already did that, I am a rebel. I am rebellious. I am in my rebellious phase. Yeah, I tried alcohol. What can I say, I am rebellious” Tubbo

196. "Thats right. I'm breaking into your house. I'm gonna steal your man" Life advice with Grian

197. “You buy the whole seat to this musical, but you only need the edge of it” YoBGS

198. “It’s okay, I have my cat ears and my skirt, I am still doing well!” Baablu

199. “Confidently said it with confidence” SMii7Y

200. “I’m a feeble boy, there’s only so much meat I can handle” Jack Manifold

201. “Trust me, dude. I want to find the suck. I just… I can’t” Ohmwreker

202. “It’s hard being a diplomat like that, people don’t really think it is but it did but it do you know” Smii7y

203. “I am being gaslit, and theres no girlbossing going on, lemme tell you that much” Jack

204. "I've seen all the bugs. I actually make the bugs” CJ

205. “Ghosts have urinated on the table” George

206. “I am going to play only copirated music this stream, because what if I will get DMCAed on Twitch during Twitchcon, that would be funny” Tommy

207. “I am gonna say it now, I am not at all sexually involved with this race” Wilbur

208. “Wilbur, say it with me: I love anal!” Tommy

209. “You are not cringe, you are an inconvenience” Tubbo

210. “You are just words, but you are wonderful words” Wilbur

211. “Phil, when I look at you, I think of you as a bit of a bottom guy” Wilbur

212. “Even in death I’m mega handsome” Grian

213. “I believed in the heart of the cards and the heart of cards KILLED ME” Grian

214. “The only rating system that matters is what tier you are in Scott Smajor’s head” Seapeekay

215. “Americans all they do is see a crime, think it’s probably a lag and walk away” Tommy

216. “No memes, just suffering” CJ

217. “I have a disclaimer, it fixes everything” Antfrost

218. “Superheroes don’t die in earthquakes” Sophie

219. “Phil, you pin me as a kind of person to own a Ferrari” Tubbo

220. “As long as we have the same fashion sense, it equals skills” Tubbo

221. “To be fair, I am all for some good bullying, if we are getting this kind of results” Tubbo

222. “In my mind I just think: ‘Man, I hope this organic. Only sinners eat not organic carrots’” Tubbo

223. “I am like a fish out of water, but the water is a Dodgeball arena” Wilbur

224. “Philza Minecraft! God, you look not a day over ninety” Tubbo

225. “I am going to get addicted to this game and I am not happy about it. But that is life” Tubbo

226. “I am a ball lover. I really am” Tubbo

227. “Ball is life, Tubbo” Wilbur

228. “I mean I’m already a criminal I may as well keep going” Shubble

229. Jack: There’s a lot of dsmp music, now that I think about it. Half of us made a song.

Eryn: Not me. I am too based.

230. “Everyone thinks I am a babysitter, but I am really just an alcoholic aunt” HBomb

231. “How much are you getting for babysitting today? Hopefully One Coin” HBomb

232. “Is this Skeppy? I think I just came” Tommy

233. “It’s me. Tombee Innit. The uncle of the great wedding we call life” Tommy

234. “Am I allowed to judge people's penises?” HBomb

235. “‘You hate me?'. No, I don’t hate you, I hate everybody” PeteZahHutt

236. “Jack’s literally wearing a Garfield outfit... I think he might be my soulmate” Martyn

237. “Who’s corpsing it?” Jack Manifold

238. “Is that my inner Trump?” Tommy

239. “I’ve been dunkin, pops” Tommy

240. “CJ is the one we need to be scared of, not the ghost” Insym

241. “Stop spending time with women and start spending time time-traveling” Tommy

242. “My new husband arrives today” Wilbur

243. “If you look through any of my fan’s twitters you’ll realize that these dudes aren’t okay. I should be sponsored by Better Help to be honest” Purpled

244. “Phil, remember when we smoked weed and fucked bitches?” Tommy

245. “I love doing nothing, it makes my life so much easier” HBomb

246. “Oh my god, I hate humans. All humans should die. Robots are better” HBomb

247. “I am a god with the dexterity of a mouse" Tommy

248. “Liberal. what is a liberal? It’s planting seeds in a garden you don’t get to see. If I throw away my balls— what is a liberal? That’s it, you’ve completely enraged me” Tommy

249. “‘Say a curse word’? Don’t tell me what to do you ✨fucking bastard✨” Tommy

250. “Among us would never kill me, Among us knows better. We are brothers in Christ, the Christ being, of course, Tubbo. Jesus Christ Tubbo” Tommy

251. “It’s like I am in Walmart! It’s my greatest nightmare!” Insym

252. “Don’t mean to flex, but I murdered two people, no big deal” HBomb

253. “And we need some smart people dust too” Geminitay, breaking redstone

254. “I feel like life is just better when people aren't wearing pants” HBomb

255. “It’s fine, I am a scum” Sneeg

256. “You know what, Sneeg, when I grow up I want to be just like you and do all the drugs that you’ve done” Tubbo

257. “I’ve never seen you so passionate about headwear” Tubbo

258. “Admittedly, I am a verified colonizer” Tubbo

259. “You’ve taken upon yourself to steal from the great city of France!” Tommy

260. “If you live in Wyoming, you have to be a cannibal” Tommy

261. “We have Salvador Dali for a villain” Sophie

262. “We're more stuck than your average stepsister” Insym

263. “I could’ve figure this out if I used my brain, but sometimes I just don’t use my brain” Insym

264. “This is my villain origin story. I am going to complete a villain arc right now” Insym

265. “I am actually potentially going to die here” Insym

266. “I am a stereotype :D” Kristin

267. “This city has more infrastructure than the entirety of America” Tubbo

268. “He is a dark whorse of this lobby, that’s for sure” Steve

269. “Every boy has a resting rock” Tommy

270. “I don’t know how to play Dungeon & Dinosaurs” Tubbo

271. “An old friend of mine, we call him Mr. Keys. Mrs. Keys for short” Tommy

272. “It’s fine, fella, you are with God now” Tubbo

273. “It’s like a beautiful rain of generational gaps” Wilbur

274. “Boomers destroyed themselves and zoomers just fucked around and failed” Wilbur

275. “And up to this point, Wilbur, I thought climate change was completely made up by Dream” Tommy

276. “I can get soggy for Schlatt” Tommy

277. “You’re a sucker and I am a fucker” Charlie

278. “Phil, Amazon forest is nice only until Tubbo will go and burn it down with his mid-eastern war force” Eryn

279. “No bears being pocked here” Beky

280. “I am quite content not having balls” Tubbo

281. “Punishment for trying” Phil

282. “We moved through catacombs from Tasmania to Spain” Eryn

283. “Do Spiderman’s friend shoot spiderwebs? They don’t shoot spiderwebs, so they are not cool” Eryn

284. “It was lunch. Well, technically breakfast” Tubbo

285. “I don’t want to live on an edge of uncertainty anymore” Insym

286. “They call me a doorbreaker. It’s actually my middle name in college” Insym

287. “‘How to survive school?’ That depends if you are in America or not. I assume it’s pretty easy everywhere other than in America” Tubbo

288. “You should be thankful. I was gonna kill you and I stopped myself” CJ

289. “Cause you died, dude. Get rekt” CJ

290. “I have an addiction at the moment, so I am a bit cold turkey” CJ

291. “I have my wits about me” Tubbo

292. “The shadows are shadowing, they are shadowing too much!” Vixella

293. “American people don’t quite understand, how do I say it lightly, anything” Tommy

294. “People often ask me: ‘Tom, what it’s like to be an internet superstar?’. And I answer them: ‘I don’t know, I have dementia’” Tommy

295. “You guys should turn your country off and on” Insym

296. “I am going to dress as a slutty cheese for Halloween” Kevin

297. “Never change yourself for a dude… it could give you ✨aCnE✨” Gabby

298. “Are you weeping?! But you're a baddie?!” Gabby

299. “Boys are not worth the stress acne, that is why I’m glowing” Gabby

300. “We could just burst down the door and battle to overthrow Ren. But that’s lame. You know what’s better? Psychological Warfare” Impulse

301. “When God said ‘let there be light’, AND THERE WAS I” Gabby

302. “If you have a power to shapeshift into anything and at any point in your life you choose to turn into insect, you should have your powers remove” Dylan

303. “Underestimating your enemies is as dangerous as underestimating your taxes” Kevin

304. “I can’t use a computer? Oh my god, I am a boomer” Kevin

305. "I'm a defender of the stupid. I gotta protect my own kind” Kevin

306. “Being insane isn’t that bad. I still win, that’s nice” Kevin

307. "Decision has been made. And the decisicion was wrong” Kevin

308. “Doesn’t seem like a good idea, but I kind of made of bad ideas” Insym

309. “Wait, I am not looking at the ceiling, what happened to me” Wilbur

310. “Imagine the entire house was a bathtub, that would be just unsanitary” Wilbur

311. “We’re all on the same team here, Scar. Except for Pearl. And everyone not on our team” Joe Hills

312. “I’M SORRY, I’VE NEVER BEEN A CHICKEN BEFORE” Elaina

313. “I am convinced that’s what dying is like” Tubbo

314. “I am not pregnant, it wouldn’t work for me” Tubbo

315. “Tips with me: just don’t die” Tubbo

316. “I want to have strong words with Fate” Tubbo

317. “Don’t leave me, Phil, I am parasocial!!!!” Tubbo

318. “I knew something was up when CPK died first” Sapnap

319. “I am hopping around and look at the sparkles and think: ‘Damn, they are sparkling’” Tubbo

320. “OH I FORGOT ANTFROST IS GAY! I FORGOT ABOUT THAT FACTOR” 5up

321. “People don’t like committing crimes when there’s a camera” George

322. “Oh my god, I am all over the place. I am everywhere and also nowhere at once” Vixella

323. “Tubbo is a biter, I guarantee” Martyn InTheLittleWood

324. “I am late, but I am the Moment” Gabby

325. “The secret is to just not use your brain” Krtzy

326. “I am not evil, I’m just twisted” Tubbo

327. “How’s my sanity looking, because I am loosing my fucking mind” Kiwo

328. “I am actually attracted to mundanity. It’s my biggest turn on” Tommy

329. “I sprinkle my clout into the sea to attract fish” Tommy

330. “Okay, chat, lay a thousands eggs then” Charlie Slimecicle

331. “No longer I am a flesh streamer. I am now a png tuber” Tubbo

332. “My cock is throbbing and I am full of frog” Tommy

333. “Tubbo, you can’t go around killing Gods” Tommy

334. “Kids, I know you always play those video games, but you know who is always among us and never sus? Jesus” Alex Meyers

335. “I am quitting youtube and becoming a psychology major to understand what’s going on in your fucking brain!” Dev

336. “Let’s give a head to Sniff” Apo

337. "Listen here you little shits (Laughs), I know what I'm doing... I created this game" Phil

338. "It turns out people give you free things, if you horrify them enough" Lizzie

339. “Oh no! It’s The Milf!” Sophie

340. “Don’t think I have enough in me to feel anything after… anything” Steve

341. “Yes, I can leak stuff too. Some might say it’s a speciality of mine” Tubbo

342. “Oh, 400k qrtw. I must be based today or ruining my career” Tubbo

343. “One day, Sneeg, I will know how to fry the air and we will be the same” Tubbo

344. “It turns on. I just have issues with it, spiritually” Tubbo

345. “It’s funnier if it’s american, because nobody will take it seriously” Tubbo

346. “It’s not very pumpkin spice latte of you” Tubbo

347. “I am being /srs /Garfield” Tubbo

348. “I was getting worried I started act a bit like an Emu” Tubbo

349. “We all emu deep in this Australia of the world” Tubbo

350. “New year, no gay” Tommy

351. “We can tell you are 4ft tall with the amount you are reaching” Tubbo

352. “Omg, Shubble, you have so much stuff that I could have instead” Tubbo

353. “My arrows did nothing to him! He is so scottish!” Tubbo

354. “Yeah, gaslight, girlboss, tiktok slay, cataways, all of those trendy words” Tubbo

355. “I’ve restarted this server day 1 style like 17 times now. At least half of them because of Tubbo, because he has no filter” Scott

356. “Sometimes I just don’t have the words. They all sound the same: awesome, awful, avocado. I can’t do it” Tubbo

357z “You have a powerful tongue” Tubbo

358. “I came back as a saturated streamer” Tubbo

359. “Sometimes it’s not about slaying the dragon, but making the dragon slay” Gunnar Deatherage

360. “How do I write ‘bank’ in stairs?” Tubbo

361. “The problem with Marvel is that it’s like you are watching a Mr.Beast video of cinema” Tubbo

362. “‘I hate planes’? Sorry, chatters, I just need to permanently ban someone” Tubbo

363. “‘Feeling bad for a criminal right now’? A little bit of a fraud never hurt anyone. You happened to have a photo of my ID you use it” Tubbo

364. “Criminals have anxiety too, never forget that” Tommy

365. “I am a gay lawyer second, and gay exterior design first” Scott

366. “Excellent stream, we’ve got a lot of done, we fucked around, we tolerated Tom for 20 minutes” Phil

367. “Cannibalism is wrong. Boom! I am based. You don’t need to tell me to be based, I am doing it by accident” Tubbo

368. “Thank you, chatters. You make me see clearly. When you say ‘Tubbo likes egg’ I go ‘yeah, I do like egg. It just makes so much sense” Tubbo

369. “Excellent! You guys are really good at this whole lying thing” Tubbo

370. “Bekyamon didn’t answer me. Jack Manifold would’ve answered me immediately” Tubbo

371. “Phil is not home! He will be gone for 10 days! You are stuck with me, second-choice-Toby!” Tubbo

372. “I am kind of second-choice-Toby, we would all rather watch Phil, including me” Tubbo

373. “I’ve learned how to spell ‘kitchen’ recently, and I am so pleased about it” Tubbo

374. “Some people were saying that there are different languages out there, but for me it sounds like a silly excuse to leave me out of the conversation” Oats Jenkins

375. “I am overall dissatisfied with you” Tubbo

376. “Sharing doesn’t come to me naturally” Tubbo

377. “I am not even bilingual, I barely speak english! I am not even monolingual!” Tubbo

378. “I am just trying to prevent me being stupid and it’s a full-time job” Kevin

379. “I am going for a negative IQ this game” Sykkuno

380. “Guys! I am unsupervised!” Tubbo, getting lost

381. “So you mix the yolk with your flour… and that’s how far I got into my tiktoks” Kristin

382. “I didn’t know streamers actually had talent” Tubbo

383. Bill: I'm breaking boundaries, I'm going further than what's expected of me-

Jack: The only thing you're breaking is Bad, Jessie Pinkman, now shut the fuck up

384. “Phil, do you reckon when you have kids in real life you call one Golden Baby Zombie?” Tubbo

385. “I am going to pee with my bladder” Tubbo

386. Velvet: Gay people are real.

Tubbo: Are they?

Antfrost: So unfortunate.

387. “I am not sweat, guys, I am not sweat, you are slandering me” Tubbo

388. “I don’t think you’ve ever approved anything I encouraged” Tubbo

389. “It’s got a little bit of blood in it, I like it” Tubbo

390. “I’ll scam everybody out of all their balls” Scar

391. "The Onceler's an idea, he can't be killed! He's beyond your understanding!" Awesamdude

392. “Me and Oneceler had something special in Columbia!” Awesamdude

393. “Guys if I ever get picked up by the police for something I didn’t do I might just hard flirt with the police officer and see what happens” Sneeg

394. “Who is Los? And who is Angeles?” Tubbo

395. “It’s overbelievablywhelming” Tubbo

396. “All of this review is going to be in bold and italics, so maybe you can interpret it as sarcastic” Tommy

397. “I think I might have to go and get a lobotomy” Tubbo

398. “I am so dehydrated from all the drama” Grian

399. “Sorry, I blew instead of suck, wrong one” Tubbo

400. “I just like having friends” MaxGGs

401. Tubbo: Bekyamon was lost to ethereal void

Niki: Good for them

402. “I killed my depression” Tubbo

403. “I’m too afraid to throw them out and I’m too stupid to know how to deal with them” Mike Trapp

404. “I am more of 8th impression kind of person” Tubbo

405. “That’s just my native secondhand embarrassment” Tubbo

406. “Secrets are made for sharing” Tubbo

407. “I don’t think he [Eminem] figured out blinking properly” Tubbo

408. “Is it possible to get bored while you sleep? Because I actually got bored” Tubbo

409. “Scott, I want your gay opinion on something” Tubbo

410. “That’s a very iconic photo! When everything was fun and I wasn’t depressed!… I am not actually depressed. I keep fighting this battle alone where I joke that I want to die and everyone believe me” Tubbo

411. “And if I can’t run away from my problems, then what’s the point?” Scott

412. “I am just that good of the sister. I dropped everything to be my brother” Lani

413. “If you can’t make friends in a normal way, make friends in a way that suits you” Scott Smajor, talking about summoning the undead

414. “Dude, I can’t wait to be exposed to be an awful person” Tubbo

415. Someone: Can we go mining? I don’t want to go there and die alone.

Tubbo: Oh, it’s fine, everyone dies alone :D

416. “What if I don’t want money? What if I just want my goldfish to be okay?” Tubbo

417. "I hate the IRS. I have to pay my taxes before april 15th otherwise the government is going to be upsetti spaghetti about it" Purpled

418. Scott: Told them they are playing chokers while we are playing chess.

Martyn: The thing is, I am playing Mahjong and I have no clue what I’m doing.

419. “If you are going to be an absent father, can you at least be absent?” Cleo

420. “How did half of your personality became gay sex, I just don’t understand” Tubbo

421. “We are going to make HOT. LOVE. because we hate them” Charlie Slimecicle

422. “I am impossible to make look bad in an account of looking so damn good” Jack Manifold

423. “Don’t hate the player, hate player’s political beliefs” Apokuna

424. “Martyn really thought I would fall into a trap? No no no, I did something even more stupid” Jimmy

425. “Are you telling me, that Philza Minecraft, the man, who streams 60 hours a minute, can’t take care of Tallulah?” Wilbur

426. "Quackity threw himself off the wall as an act of grief or whatever. So dramatic” FitMC

427. “People are just dying. To balls?” Phil

428. “Oh wow, past Toby was suicidal! :D” Tubbo

429. “‘We are all related’? Chat, are you like, my cousins?” Tubbo

430. “Just let me gaslight!” Tubbo

431. “Yeah, I have original thoughts, I can be smart sometimes” Foolish

[ninjanessie]

I have had a crush on this guy at work for like 6 years now. It’s one of those cute little crushes that just kind of make your work day better, like you know nothing will ever happen but it’s fun to like daydream about while you go about your work day. My work bestie and pretty much any of the girls I talk to know about this crush. Gabby will literally pull me out of my office so I can see him from a distance. Him and I don’t work in the same department, he’s in shipping and I’m in processing, but my office is RIGHT next to the shipping dock. And he is literally so nice and so funny and so AAAA. The only thing him and I have ever talked about is work and how much we hate it there, and they aren’t necessarily long conversations. I think that in the 6 years I’ve been there I have talked to him for like maybe 40 minutes total. YESTERDAY I unlocked my office turned on my heater and walked out of it for like maybe 30 minutes while I set up for the day, when I can back into it there was a note on my desk written in Spanish , “please send me a text if you’d like :)” and a phone number. I freak out and ask gabby and Mayda and literally everyone if they know the number, because NEVER in my entire life would I imagine it was him. BUT IT WAS HIM. For like a solid 8 hours I was convinced it was a joke. Because 1. What 2. How 3. Why is it in Spanish you are a white man why now what the hell. And when I brought up the fact that it was in Spanish he said that he was trying to fucking impress me. AAAAAAA WHAT I feel like a teenager freaking out about this, what kind of fanfic shit is this. Gabby is beyond excited for me, because she has had to listen to me drool over him for god knows how long. My sister is in shock I am in shock but now I’m just fucking terrified that I’m gonna fuck it up

[hades-ghost]

Part 1

❤️💬⬆️

Liked by Corpse_husband, valkyrae and 30 million others…

Sassy.Ghost: STREAM STARTS IN 20 MIN. Little spirits go watch. Also stream fit!

Corpse_husband e-girls are ruining my life omg🖤🔥⛓

Valkyrae Ghost I ask that you marry me! Please 💍

Sykkuno I can’t wait!!

Ashley.lovely THATS my wife bro

Sassy.Ghost I am wife

GabrielSupremacy bro I can’t wait to fuck things up AND SHES MINE GHOST

Sassy.Ghost Gabriella shut the fuck up

Username that’s my mooooom!!!

Sassy.ghost liked this comment

Dreamwastaken what a beauty

View all 100k comments

Stream time

GABRIELLA SHUT UP BRO NO ONE ASKED

Ghostisqueen ohhh moms mad

Dreamwastaken oh shit ghost is angry

Gabby- well I’m sorry I want my wife back

Ashley- come on guys let’s not fight

No no I had her first man

Gabby- that’s fair wanna fuck up middle schoolers on Minecraft

Absolutely

Ashley- y’all are bipolar asf

Me and gabby - yes

Anyways WHATS MOTHER FUCKING UP CHAT HOW ARE YALL

10$ Donation from Dreamwastaken

Marry me?

Thank you for the donation sadly can’t marry people I don’t know buddy

Ashley- shit already getting marriage proposals

All day everyday baby

Fanaccghost I love you mom

I love you too fanaccghost

Corpse_husbAndfanacc did I hear fag attendance

I love fag attendance

Ashley- I mean we are all gay

Gabby- NO WE ARE AMERICAN

omg… for those of you who don’t know Ashley is a lesbian gabby is pan and I’m bi.

Gabby- I THOUGHT WE WERE AMERICAN

Gabby is also special

Gabby- rude

Hm?

After 3 hours of streaming bed wars.

❤️💬⬆️

Liked by Corpse_husband and 10k others

Valkyrae: my queen finished streaming also day 100 of getting @Sassy.Ghost to notice me and accept my marriage Proposal💍

Corpse_husband 🔥I love @Sassy.Ghost

Dreamwastaken she denied me

Sykkuno she is great

Sassy.Ghost I do you sexy beast

Valkyrae OMG I LOVE YOU MY NEW WIFE

Sassy.Ghost WIFE we should collaborate

Valkyrae you don’t even need to ask!

Dreamwastaken nice guys always finish last

Fanacc YES MOM GOT NOTICED

Ghosthateacc ew why would you want her she’s an ugly rat

Corpse_husband are we taking about you because Ghost is a goddess

View all 10 million comments

❤️💬⬆️

Liked by Valkyrae, Sykkuno, Bretman and 200k others

Corpse_husband: #onlyhands you little freaks win here

Ashley.lovey @ Sassy.Ghost get your ass over here

Sassy.Ghost holy shit nice ass necklace

Corpse_husband thank you my queen

Sassy.Ghost not me getting attention from faceless men especially be making horror stories I listen two every damn day

Corpse_husband oh?

Valkyrae #onlyhanss

Sykkuno um nice hands corpse

Corpse_husband thank you sykkuno 

Ghosthateacc get off of corpses page ghost

Sassy.Ghost @ me next time

Corpse_husband 👉🏻🚪

Corpsefanacc not corpse simping

[myonechicagoworld]

CHICAGO FIRE – ONE MINUTE (S01E04)

                                         [ambo door shuts]

Gabby Dawson: Why didn’t you call Alexa back? I liked her.

Leslie Shay: You know the joke - what does a lesbian bring on a

                     second date?

                     A moving van.

Gabby Dawson: You have major commitment issues.

Leslie Shay: Yeah, yeah.

Gabby Dawson: Can you please put this out in front. I’m gonna  

                           take this stuff to the kitchen.

Leslie Shay: All right. I’m not carving this thing.

TV: Some developing local news now…

Peter Mills: Yo, do we have any spices around here besides salt

                   and pepper?

                                            [tv in background]

Otis Zvonecek: What else do you need besides salt and pepper?

Gabby Dawson: [groans]

Peter Mills: Wow.

Gabby Dawson: This is for the trick-or-treaters. And heads up…

                            Halloween is Chief Boden’s favourite holiday.

Peter Mills: [chuckles]

Gabby Dawson: Oh, I’m dead serious.

                                      [plastic bag rustling]

Otis Zvonecek: We can see where you’re putting that.

Gabby Dawson: Hey, nobody touches the candy. We ran out last

                           year.

Christopher Herrmann: I graciously donate my in-laws television,

                                       and I cannot get a piece of candy?

Gabby Dawson: [scoffs]

                           I keep coriander, cumin and bay leaves in the back

                           cupboard.

                           Um, I used up all the saffron last time I cooked.

                                      [alarm beeps, PA buzzes]

(Over PA): Engine 51, Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61.  

                 Warehouse fire, 6620 Oak Park.

                                 [sirens wailing, horns honking]

                                     [squad door slams shut]

Matt Casey: This is the old Triskin warehouse.

Kelly Severide: Looks like the door’s been pried open. Could be  

                         squatters inside.

Chief Boden: Smoke’s already coming out pretty quick. We don’t  

                      have long on this one.

                      (into radio) Engine 51, give me a 2 ½ in the front  

                      door, cover the search team. Truck 81, open up  

                      the back, vent the skylights.

                      Kelly, give me that primary search.

Kelly Severide: Yep.

Matt Casey: Cruz and Otis, raise the aerial and take out the

                     skylights. Herrmann and Mills, let’s open up the

                     back and get in there.

                     Let’s go.

                                         [indistinct chatter]

Kelly Severide: Smoke’s bad. Get the doors down fast.

Matt Casey: Strike.

                                      [door creaking open]

Matt Casey: Done.

Christopher Herrmann: Going left.

Kelly Severide: Mind your step.

                         Call out.

Christopher Herrmann: Fire department! Anyone in here?

                                        [indistinct chatter]

Chief Boden: That smoke’s turning ugly.

Kelly Severide: Fire department! Anyone in here?

Christopher Herrmann: There’s someone in the back!

                                        Let’s go!

Peter Mills: Hey guys, over here.

                   Fire department! Anybody here? Call out!

Firefighter: I got you. Come on.

                                     [groaning & coughing]

Kelly Severide: Hang on to me. We’re gonna get you out.

Victim 1: [coughing]

Gabby Dawson: We got him.

Peter Mills: Fire department!

                             [wood crashing, glass breaking]

Peter Mills: Unh!

Chief Boden: (over radio) All companies, evacuate the building.

Christopher Herrmann: Come on, Mills, let’s go.

Chief Boden: It’s gonna flash.

Matt Casey: Herrmann and Mills still inside?

Chief Boden: Yep.

                      (over radio) Repeat, evacuate immediately.

                      (into radio) Come on, now, guys. We gotta get out of

                       there. Let’s go.

                      Come on, men.

                                                [coughing]

Christopher Herrmann: Come on, Mills.

Peter Mills: There’s a guy still inside. I saw him.

                   Chief, give me one more minute to go back in there.

Chief Boden: No, it’s over. No more minutes.

Peter Mills: H-He could be alive. Just give me one more minute. I  

                   know I can get to him. I know.

Chief Boden: You’re not going anywhere. This building’s about to

                       flash.

Peter Mills: Chief, I could get…

Chief Boden: Enough!

                      (into radio) All officers, take count of your firefighters.  

                      Nobody goes back in.

                      All members out of the collapse zone. Everybody,

                      back up.

                      Back up.

Matt Casey: Let’s go.

                                       [indistinct radio chatter]

Radio Dispatcher: Company 16 and Truck 22…[continues

                               indistinctly]

                               Roger that 25, Ladder 47, Truck 34…[continues

                               indistinctly]…we’re all clear

                                           [fire explosion]

                                         [glass shattering]

Chief Boden: (into radio) Fire up the water cannons.

                                          [water spraying]

                                         [indistinct chatter]

                                           - Title Screen -

Lee Henry Herrmann: C’mon! Let’s go!

Cindy Herrmann: Boys!

                             Boys!

                                       [indistinct shouting]

Christopher Herrmann: Hey, give her back the wand. Now!

                                       Hey, hey. Here you go.

                                        Ah.

Lee Henry Herrmann: Man.

Christopher Herrmann: I thought you were gonna be a superhero.

Luke Herrmann: I am. I’m a superboy.

Christopher Herrmann: That’s the whole costume?

                                        That’s pretty half-assed.

Cindy Herrmann: Christopher!

Christopher Herrmann: What? He can’t put on a cape?

Cindy Herrmann: He doesn’t have a…

                                            [kissing sound]

Christopher Herrmann: All right.

                                       I walked in on your dad again…on the can.

Cindy Herrmann: [sighs]

Christopher Herrmann: The man refuses to lock the door.

Cindy Herrmann: And you refuse to knock.

                             [sighs] This came.

Christopher Herrmann: Aw, crap.

Luke Herrmann: Were you there, daddy?

Christopher Herrmann: Yep, and we kicked that fire’s butt.

                                        Love you, okay?

Cindy Herrmann: Bye.

Christopher Herrmann: Bye.

Luke Herrmann: You can’t leave. I put a force field around the door.

Christopher Herrmann: If you had a cape on, I might believe that.

                                       Come on, I’m late.

Luke Herrmann: No.

Christopher Herrmann: Lukey, hey.

                                       I told you, you don’t have to worry about

                                       me so much.

Luke Herrmann: What if you get hurt again?

Christopher Herrmann: I’ll get better, just like last time. And like  

                                       you did, when your bike went over.

                                       Us Herrmanns’, we’re tough bastards.

Luke Herrmann: [whispers] You said bastards.

Christopher Herrmann: [whispers] Don’t tell mom.

                                       [sighs] Okay.

                                       [whispers] Come on. Come on buddy.

Luke Herrmann: [whispers] Okay.

Christopher Herrmann: I love you buddy.

                                                cutscene

Kids: Happy Halloween!

Chief Boden: Happy Halloween.

                     Guess what? After school, I’m gonna break out a

                     bottomless bowl of treats.

                     Gonna come back and get ‘em?

                     You’ll bring ‘em back?

Kids & Adults: Yeah.

Chief Boden: Go on, then. Get out of here and come back.

                      Y’all look great.

Kids: Thank you!

                                               cutscene

Peter Mills: Yo Lieutenant, can I ask you something?

Matt Casey: Sure.

Peter Mills: In general, when Chief says, ‘everybody out of a  

                   building now’, how much time do we really have?

                   A minute? 30 seconds? What?

Matt Casey: Don’t beat yourself up, Mills.

Peter Mills: See, the things is, I was closest to the victim. I-I could  

                   see him, you know? I…

Matt Casey: When Chief says “now”, he means now. Not 30  

                     seconds, not any seconds. Got it?

Peter Mills: Yeah. Yeah, I figured. Thanks.

                                                    cutscene

                                           [locker door slams]

Kelly Severide: Ah!

                                             [punches locker]

Jose Vargas: Morning Lieutenant.

Kelly Severide: Morning.

Jose Vargas: You get hurt the other night?

Kelly Severide: Mind not turning the locker room into a chat room?

Jose Vargas: Yeah.

                                                  cutscene

Joe Cruz: Just take the damn piece of candy already. She won’t

                notice.

Mouch: I’m not climbing onto the counter.

Joe Cruz: Hey, did you guys hear that Casey’s gonna…testify

                 against Detective Voight’s son?

Otis Zvonecek: Apparently, Dawson’s brother says it’s a risky  

                          move, and…Voight’s a dangerous son of a

                          bitch.

Mouch: I wouldn’t put my ass on the line like that.

             Uh Lieutenant, you need any help with the Detective  

             Voight situation, you let me know. When I became  

             union rep, they…sent me a bunch of brochures.

Matt Casey: I’m good, thanks. Just need to testify at the  

                    arraignment, once it’s set.

Christopher Herrmann: You see this crap?

Peter Mills: Why is it crap?

                    I just mean that that’s what happened, isn’t it? So…

Christopher Herrman: Where is the headline about how we busted

                                     our humps and saved three guys, huh?

Chief Boden: Okay, everybody, listen up.

                      Today, our very own Jose Vargas transfers from Truck

                       to Squad.

                       As of now, he’s officially a member of Rescue Squad

                       3.

                                        [clapping & cheering]

All: Whoo!

Mouch: Big time Vargas.

Otis Zvonecek: Make sure to bow next time you walk by.

Matt Casey: Best of luck.

Jose Vargas: Thanks, Lieutenant.

Nicki Rutkowski: Hey, Lieutenant Casey, I just saw your car out

                             front.

                             Something happened to it.

Matt Casey: What the hell?

Joe Cruz: This is why I can’t stand Halloween, man. The punks,

                 they go wild.

Matt Casey: My gym bag got lifted.

Christopher Herrmann: Right in front of the station.

                                       Call the cops. File a report.

Matt Casey: Yeah, I should.

                                   [alarm beeping, PA buzzes]

(Over PA): Truck 81, Squad 3. House fire, 220 South Kilbourn.

                                            [sirens wailing]

                                        [squad door shuts]

Kelly Severide: [into radio] Fire is out on arrival. Hold on incoming

                          companies. We’ll do a little overhaul.

                          You okay, ma’am?

Lady 1: I’m fine.

            I must have dropped a cigarette or something. I was  

            cleaning out the garage. So stupid of me.

Kelly Severide: Well, good job putting it out.

                          We were here a few weeks ago. Fire in your car,  

                          parked out front.

Lady 1: The car is old.

Kelly Severide: Two fires in two weeks?

Lady 1: Bad luck always comes in streaks.

Man 1: Yo, yo, afternoon officer.

Kelly Severide: I need to check inside, make sure the fire didn’t  

                          get into the adjoining wall.

Lady 1: All right.

                                            [train passing by]

Kelly Severide: No heat. That’s good.

                          Huh.

Lady 1: Me and my late husband.

Kelly Severide: How long were you married?

Lady 1: 45 years, till he passed.

Kelly Severide: Wow. What’s the secret?

Lady 1: I never asked.

Kelly Severide: [chuckles]

Lady 1: Just counted my blessings every day [chuckles]

                                              [door opens]

Capp: She say what happened?

Kelly Severide: Mm-mm.

                                   [laughing in the background]

                                                cutscene

Christopher Herrmann: What the hell happened?

Leslie Shay: It went out.

Mouch & Otis Zvonecek: What?

Chief Boden: It just need a new cord. Nobody panic.

Leslie Shay: Go ahead. Try it.

                                             [remote clicks]

                                            [applause on tv]

Otis Zvonecek: Yes.

Chief Boden: Ah.

Otis Zvonecek: Halloween horror marathon, channel 11.

Mouch: We are back.

Marc Thorne: My brother died because he was homeless and  

                       poor. If he had been a firefighter or a banker in    

                       a fancy apartment, they would have found a  

                       way to save him. It was recorded on cell phone:

[video recording…]

Peter Mills: Chief, give me one more minute to go back in there.

Chief Boden: No, it’s over. No more minutes.

Peter Mills: H-He could be alive. Just give me one more minute. I  

                   know I can get to him. I know.

Chief Boden: Not going anywhere. This building’s about to flash.

Peter Mills: Chief, I can get…

Chief Boden: Enough!

[end of video recording…]

Marc Thorne: Even his own man wanted to go back in and save

                       my brother’s life, but the Chief on the scene,  

                       Wallace Boden, said no.

TV: So the investigation continues…

                                             [remote clicks]

Peter Mills: [sighs]

                                                   cutscene

Nicki Rutkowski: Hey, there’s another request for an interview  

                             about the fire from some blogger.

Chief Boden: The answer’s the same. No comment.

Nicki Rutkowski: Got it. And Peter Mills wanted to see you.

Chief Boden: Send him in.

Peter Mills: Thanks.

Nicki Rutkowski: Yeah.

Chief Boden: Hey, Mills, what’s up?

Peter Mills: Um, when I asked to go back in, I apologise if that was

                   out of line.

Chief Boden: Not another word. That is exactly the attitude I want  

                      from all my men.

                      Forget the news report.

Peter Mills: Yes, sir. Thank you.

                                              [door closes]

Chief Boden: You’re welcome.

                                                 cutscene

Leslie Shay: Hey, we got our first trick-or-treater.

Hallie Thomas: Hey guys. Happy Halloween.

Leslie Shay: Happy Halloween, lady.

Gabby Dawson: Sweet shoes.

Hallie Thomas: Thanks. Uh, are you a runner too?

Gabby Dawson: Uh, I just did my first 10k a couple months ago.

Hallie Thomas: Oh, wow, that’s-that’s my race too. I’ve been  

                          training for the next one. I’m trying to get in

                          under 48 minutes.

Gabby Dawson: That sounds like a good goal.

Hallie Thomas: How’d you do?

Gabby Dawson: 45:20.

Hallie Thomas: Wow, that’s…great [chuckles]

Gabby Dawson: [chuckles]

Leslie Shay: Casey’s in his quarters, I think.

Hallie Thomas: Awesome, thank you. I’ll see you guys.

Gabby Dawson: Yep.

Leslie Shay: Bye.

                    45:20?

Gabby Dawson: It was somewhere around there.

                                             cutscene

                                          [door opens]

Matt Casey: Everything okay?

                                          [door closes]

Hallie Thomas: Of course. Why do you look worried?

Matt Casey: [exhales] I-I’m not worried. Just…surprised.

Hallie Thomas: Well, I was thinking about our new plan to start  

                          fresh, and I realised…

Matt Casey: What?

Hallie Thomas: That there is something that we talked about doing  

                          and never did.

Matt Casey: Yeah?

                                          [blinds rolling down]

                                                 [lock click]

                                                  cutscene

                                           [knocks on door]

Nicki Rutkowski: Chief, this is Sondra Sherman.

Sondra Sherman: I’m an attorney with the city’s office.

Chief Boden: How can we help you today?

Sondra Sherman: I need to ask you some questions about the  

                              Triskin warehouse fire.

Chief Boden: Why?

Sondra Sherman: The city’s been contacted by…an attorney for

                              Marc Thorne, the victim’s brother. There are

                              some concerns about the way the fire was

                              handled.

Chief Boden: My sympathies go out to Mr Thorne, but if I hadn’t  

                      handled the fire the way I did, not only would his  

                      brother be dead, but so would my men.

Sondra Sherman: Mmhmm. And how long was it after you called  

                             your men out that the structure exploded?

Chief Boden: I don’t know…exactly.

Sondra Sherman: Huh.

Chief Boden: About a minute.

Sondra Sherman: And did one of your men tell you there was  

                              someone still inside?

Chief Boden: Yes, he did, and he wanted to go back in and get  

                      him. I said no. Seconds later, there was a

                      flashover.

Sondra Sherman: I wouldn’t ask you these questions unless I had

                             to, Chief. We don’t think you did anything

                             wrong, but an M.E.’s report will be released

                             soon, and if it says his brother was alive up  

                             until the explosion, Thorne will come after  

                             you, the department, and the city of

                             Chicago.

                             The city completely supports you. You shouldn’t

                             feel bad.

Chief Boden: I don’t.

                      If we’re done here, I have some work to do.

Sondra Sherman: [chuckles lightly]

                                      [door open and closes]

                                                cutscene

Kelly Severide: Wait here, guys.

                                       [squad door shuts]

Kelly Severide: Hey, Bobby. Thanks for coming.

Bobby: Hi. How you doin’?

Kelly Severide: Good.

Bobby: So what’s the deal here?

Kelly Severide: You tell me.

                                         [knocks on door]

Kelly Severide: Mrs Grady, how are you, ma’am?

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): I’m fine.

Kelly Severide: We just had a-a few questions about those fires

                         that you had.

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): They were accidents. I don’t know any more

                                  than I’ve already told you.

Kelly Severide: Okay, we just wanted to make sure that there are  

                          no more…incidents.

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): Sorry.

                                               [door shuts]

Kelly Severide: Someone set fire to her car two weeks ago. This  

                          morning, her garage burns, she says…

Bobby: So she said they were just accidents.

Kelly Severide: They weren’t.

Bobby: But why do you think somebody would come after her? I  

            mean, she lives alone. She keeps to herself.

Kelly Severide: Pick a reason.

                                                  cutscene

Sondra Sherman: I have a suggestion.

                              If you do a sit-down with Marc Thorne, that

                              could help minimise the damage.

Chief Boden: A sit-down?

Sondra Sherman: Yeah. A “Beer in the rose garden” kind of thing.

                               You, Thorne, attorneys for both sides.

Chief Boden: Whose idea was this?

Sondra Sherman: Sit-down was his. Beer was mine.

                             Sometimes a simple conversation can avert a  

                             major lawsuit. Maybe all he wants is an

                             apology.

Chief Boden: I doubt that.

Sondra Sherman: Chief, I don’t think you understand. If we can’t  

                              make this go away before the M.E.’s report  

                              comes back, your job and your livelihood are

                              at risk.

Chief Boden: I am not going to apologise. I did nothing wrong,

                      neither did any of my men.

Sondra Sherman: Look, the city completely supports you.

Chief Boden: You keep saying that, and in the same breath, you  

                      tell me my job’s on the line.

Sondra Sherman: We…

Chief Boden: [chuckles] I really do have work to do. I’m gonna go

                       do it.

                                                 cutscene

Nicki Rutkowski: I have a favour to ask you.

                            Can I borrow your house key?

                            I just want to set a little something up for Kelly in

                           his room. Champagne, candles. I think my dad  

                           showing up at your apartment maybe pushed

                           him away.

Leslie Shay: Yeah, I don’t think it’s your dad showing up so much  

                     that’s the problem as much as him announcing that

                     you’re engaged.

Nicki Rutkowski: I wasn’t hiding that.

Leslie Shay: Where’s your ring?

Nicki Rutkowski: It’s being resized right now.

                            So, can I have the key or not?

Leslie Shay: [chuckles] Not. At all.

                                   [alarm beeping, PA buzzing]

(Over PA): Ambulance 61. Hand laceration, 310 East Pearson.

                                        [background chatter]

                                 [indistinct chatter over radio]

Leslie Shay: Oof! You got a nice bleed going there.

                    Yikes. What happened?

Victim 2 (Chef): I was, uh, chopping, and suddenly there were…

                          screams, so I took my eyes off the onion. Next

                          thing I know, my hand’s gushing blood.

Gabby Dawson: Screams?

Victim 2 (Chef): A reaction to a two-tier baby carriage and…

                         matching car seat.

Leslie Shay: Wiggle your fingers for me.

Victim 2 (Chef): [exhales]

Leslie Shay: Ah, it’s not bad but, yeah, you’re gonna need stitches.

Lady 2: The mom-to-be had a dizzy spell when she saw the blood.  

             Can one of you guys take a look at her.

Gabby Dawson: Oh, yeah, sure.

                           You’re not gonna believe this.

Leslie Shay: What?

                     Hey, Clare.

Clarice: Oh, my God.

             Um…honey, this is…Leslie Shay, my old girlfriend.

Leslie Shay: Hi.

                                              cutscene

Gabby Dawson: There are two patients. We’ll take this one with the

                           hand lac, so you can grab the other lady if you

                           don’t mind…

Leslie Shay: Actually, I just put Clarice in the back of our rig, so…

Gabby Dawson: And I said we would take him, so…

Victim 2 (Chef): It doesn’t matter to me.

Leslie Shay: Here you go.

                                        [ambo door shuts]

Leslie Shay: Alright, I’m just gonna check your vitals and then

                    have a listen and make sure everything’s okay

                    with the baby.

Clarice: Okay. I just haven’t felt a kick in a while and then the dizzy  

             spell came on so suddenly.

Daniel Schwartz: I’m sure everything is fine, sweetie.

                               [blood pressure cuff pumping]

Leslie Shay: Blood pressure’s good.

                     All right, I’m just gonna lift your shirt off your belly  

                     and have a listen.

                     Heart rate’s 140. It’s perfect.

Clarice: [exhales] Thank you.

             Thank you, Les.

Daniel Schwartz: See? That baby’s already got a flair for the

                             dramatic. The teen years are gonna be…fun.

Clarice: [chuckles]

             You know what I still have of yours? Those old blues  

             records that your mom gave you.

Leslie Shay: Oh, yeah. Forgot about those.

Clarice: Yeah.

              I mean, you know, I-I can get ‘em back to you at any time.

              Why don’t you, um, just give me a call and we can figure it

               out.

                                                cutscene

                                               [laughing]

Capp: Who was that?

Kelly Severide: That’s Mills’ sister, Elise.

Hadley: Wow. When is the next family picnic?

Kelly Severide: Hey, let me give you a hand with those.

Elise Mills: I’m good, thanks.

Kelly Severide: You sure?

                          If this food ends up on the floor instead of the  

                          table, it could cause a riot.

Elise Mills: [giggles] You’re Severide, right?

Kelly Severide: Kelly.

Elise Mills: Peter called, said he was supposed to make lunch and  

                  he got busy.

                  He didn’t sound so great. Is everything okay around

                  here?

Kelly Severide: It’s just another day on the job. Your brother’s a

                         good kid.

Elise Mills: Yeah, he is.

                   I gotta get back to the restaurant. Thanks for the help.

                                                cutscene

Otis Zvonecek: Give me the ball, give me the ball.

Truck 81 men: Ohh!

                        Oh!

                        Ohhh! [laughing]

Marc Thorne: My name is Marc Thorne. I’m here to talk to Chief  

                       Wallace Boden. Is he here?

Chief Boden: I’m very sorry for your loss, Mr Thorne.

Marc Thorne: Chief Boden! You knew my brother was in that

                       warehouse.

Christopher Herrmann: Did you?

                                       The guy was homeless, keeping warm in a

                                       warehouse. You’re his brother. Where have

                                       you been?

Peter Mills: Herrmann, come on.

Chrisopher Herrmann: No, sorry, I’m not gonna be quiet.

                                      ‘Cause a few weeks ago, I almost bought  

                                       the farm, trying to save a stranger. It’s  

                                       what we do, every day.

                                       It’s what we tried to do for your brother.

                                       Chief Boden made the call he had to

                                       make.

                                       Just be glad you never have to do that.

                                                     cutscene

Christopher Hermann: What is this?

Leslie Shay: We heard you represented, Herrmann.

Gabby Dawson: So, I’m gonna throw out a name…Clarice

                           Carthage.

All: Oh ho ho…

Christopher Herrmann: Ow.

Peter Mills: Wait, who?

Joe Cruz: The bitchy ex-girlfriend.

Leslie Shay: She wasn’t a bitch, per se.

Matt Casey: She…was a little full of herself.

Gabby Dawson: Well, she’s now got a news status update. She is  

                           now Clarice Schwartz, married to a dude, and

                           seven months pregnant.

Otis Zvonecek: Oh!

                                                   [laughing]

Otis Zvonecek: Did I not call that?

Joe Cruz: [laughing manically]

Otis Zvonecek: Did I not say she had one foot in, one foot out?

Leslie Shay: You did not say that.

Otis Zvonecek: Well, not to you, maybe, but did I not call that?

Christopher Herrmann: He called that [laughing]

                                                  [laughter]

Leslie Shay: [sighs] Yep.

                                                cutscene

Man 2: Look, he’s got candy. He’s got a bunch of candy.

Chief Boden: Oh, look at you. That costume is terrifying. You’re

                      about to scare the neighbours to death.

                      Want some treats? Give me that. Whomp.

Man 2: I saw your picture online. I read about what happened. Keep

            your chin up. You did the right thing.

Chief Boden: Appreciate that.

                      Halloween is about the kids.

                      Thank you for coming.

Man 2: Come on, guys, let’s go.

            Next.

            Get some more candy? Should we get some more? Let’s

            go.

                                                cutscene

                        [tv in the background, howling noises]

                               [alarm beeping, PA buzzing]

(Over PA): Truck 81, Ambulance 61. Man down, 3500…[indistinct

                 announcement]

Joe Cruz: Oh! Vargas wants back on truck already, huh?

Jose Vargas: Yeah, yeah.

                             [siren wailing in the background]

                                                cutscene

                               [siren wailing, horn honking]

                             [music thumping, crowd noise]

                                      [truck door shuts]

Matt Casey: Coming through.

                     Excuse me. Everybody, make way. Coming through.

                      Anybody seen an injured person?

Gabby Dawson: Is that our guy?

                           Okay, nevermind.

Leslie Shay: Halloween sucks.

Matt Casey: Looking for an injured person.

Lady 3 (Sexy Nurse): Thank God. He’s over here.

Joe Cruz: Excuse me can we get some room, please? Excuse me

                 can we get some room?

Matt Casey: (into radio) Okay, got a location on the victim, Witches’

                     brew.

Gabby Dawson: (into radio) Copy that. Right behind you.

Leslie Shay: Excuse us.

Gabby Dawson: Watch out, guys.

Matt Casey: Hold his head steady.

Firefighter: Guys, come on.

Victim 3: [grunting]

Peter Mills: I got it.

Gabby Dawson: Hold his head.

Peter Mills: Yeah.

Leslie Shay: Did he take any drugs?

Lady 3 (Sexy Nurse): No, j-just a couple of beers. Then all of a  

                                   sudden his eyes rolled back in his head  

                                   and he…he dropped and just started

                                   jerking around.

Leslie Shay: Does he have a history of seizures?

Lady 3 (Sexy Nurse): I don’t think so. This is only our second date.

Gabby Dawson: Alright, ready.

                           Turn him over.

Man 3 (Fake fireman): Hey, let me help out, fellas.

Matt Casey: Stay back, sir.

Man 3 (Fake fireman): Yeah, how about giving me a c-4 tube and  

                                     a Lidocaine drip?

                                             [laughter]

Christopher Herrmann: Let ‘em do their job.

Peter Mills: All right, come on. Move it out.

Gabby Dawson: Watch out. Come on. Make fast.

Man 3 (Fake fireman): Don’t tell ‘em you’re homeless. They won’t

                                     help ya.

Matt Casey: Hey! Hey!

                    Go. Go.

                    You got your head screwed on straight?

Christopher Herrmann: These people mouthing off at us.

Matt Casey: You rise above it.

Christopher Herrmann: It won’t happen again.

Matt Casey: Let’s get the hell out of here.

                                      [train in background]

                                                cutscene

Sondra Sherman: Chief, wanted to let you know the M.E.’s report

                              came in.

                              Jonathan Thorne died from injuries sustained  

                              during the explosion. The department is putting  

                              together a committee now.

Chief Boden: This doesn’t change anything.

                                           [dramatic music]

                                    [door shuts, lock clicks]

                                              cutscene

Nicki Rutkowski: Lieutenant Casey, there’s someone out front for

                             you.

Matt Casey: Detective Voight.

Hank Voight: Got some good news for you, Casey.

Matt Casey: Yeah? What’s that?

Hank Voight: Well, I heard about what happened to your car.

                      I don’t normally handle this kind of thing, but…to  

                      be honest, I felt like I owed you an apology after  

                      my behaviour the other day. I was out of line.

                      So I put my guys on it, and we caught the little

                      scumbag.

Matt Casey: And how’d you know it was him?

Hank Voight: Come here.

                      This yours?

                      There you go. He had it on him.

                      And make sure nothing’s missing, will you?

Matt Casey: [scoffs] This isn’t mine.

Hank Voight: Well, the kid must have stashed it in there.

                      You know, there’s a simple, honest solution to all our

                       problems. One that keeps my son out of jail and lets  

                       you and I get on with our lives. All you gotta do is

                       change that report.

Matt Casey: I’m not gonna do that.

                                                   cutscene

Gabby Dawson: [groans] Last year [grunts] we went through four of

                             these. This year we barely finished one.

Matt Casey: Not the best day.

Gabby Dawson: What is it?

Matt Casey: [sighs] Detective Voight showed up here…tried to  

                     bribe me with a wad of cash.

Gabby Dawson: What? Wha…we’ve gotta call my brother and tell

                            him.

Matt Casey: I’m just gonna…testify and let the courts handle it.

Gabby Dawson: [sighs] Well, what does Hallie say?

Matt Casey: I didn’t tell her.

Gabby Dawson: Why not?

Matt Casey: I don’t know. I don’t wanna worry her, I guess.

Gabby Dawson: You should tell her.

Matt Casey: Yeah. Yeah, I probably should.

                     I’ll see you later.

Gabby Dawson: Yeah, later.

                            [sighs]

                                                   cutscene

                                                [jazzy music]

                                              [liquor pouring]

Leslie Shay: [slurring] I mean, you should have seen Clarice’s

                     apartment. It was…like a museum; all this fancy

                     breakable crap everywhere.

                     The place she and I used to live, there was peeling  

                      paint, dripping faucets…but it’s great. You wanted

                      to hang out there all day long, you know?

                      Will you pass me a lime?

Kelly Severide: Yeah.

Leslie Shay: They had a floor-to-ceiling wine rack. I mean…she  

                     used to hate wine [slurping]

                     She drank beer. I loved that about her. I guess she  

                     drinks wine now.

                     [liquor pouring]

Kelly Severide: How long did you two…

Leslie Shay: Three years.

Kelly Severide: Mm.

Leslie Shay: Yeah I mean, it wasn’t like, you know…a casual thing.

                     It was…uh…we were serious. Or at least I thought we  

                     were. Turns out I may have overestimated her

                     lesbianism

Kelly Severide: [chuckles lightly]

                                           [rapping on door]

Leslie Shay: Really?

Kelly Severide: No offense…I’m not taking advice from you right

                         now.

                         [coughs]

Leslie Shay: This is a new low.

Nicki Rutkowski: Wanna help with this?

                             What?

Kelly Severide: I was engaged once too…

                                               [door closes]

                                                  cutscene

                                                [door shuts]

Sondra Sherman: Just wanted to pass along some positive news.

                             The…Thorne situation has been resolved.

Chief Boden: Resolved how?

Sondra Sherman: Marc Thorne has dropped all plans to sue the

                              city.

Chief Boden: You gave him a payout.

Sondra Sherman: [scoffs] There’s a settlement in the works, yes.

Chief Boden: You yourself said we did nothing wrong.

Sondra Sherman: You know, you should be happy about this.  

                              Thorne was willing to settle quickly and for

                              a reasonable amount. There’s no further risk

                              of impact on you, and you continue to have

                              the city’s full support.

Chief Boden: Appreciate that.

Sondra Sherman: Take care, Chief.

Chief Boden: Yeah.

                                                       cutscene

Hadley: How many?

Kelly Severide: Three.

                                        [alarm blaring, PA buzzing]

(Over PA): House fire, 220 South Kilbourn. Engine 51…

Jose Vargas: 220 South Kilbourn.

(Over PA): Truck 81, Squad 3…

Kelly Severide: Damn it!

(Over PA): Ambulance 61.

Chief Boden: Truck and Engine are near the scene. They’ll meet  

                       you there.

Kelly Severide: What happened?

Joe Cruz: Molotov cocktail through the front window. Fire’s under

                 control.

Kelly Severide: The woman who lives here, Mrs Grady?

Joe Cruz: With Dawson.

Gabby Dawson: Just breathe in, nice and easy. We’re gonna get  

                           that smoke out of your lungs, okay?

Kelly Severide: Is she okay?

Leslie Shay: Yeah, smoke inhalation. Oxygen will clear her up.

Kelly Severide: Hey, can you give me a second?

Gabby Dawson: Yeah.

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): [whimpering]

Kelly Severide: We could have lost you.

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): [whimpering]

Kelly Severide: I won’t go to the police, okay? I promise you that.  

                         But you gotta talk to me.

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): [whimpering]

Kelly Severide: Okay?

                                                cutscene

                                              [rap music]

                                            [baby crying]

                                        [banging on door]

                                  [lock clicks, door opens]

Man 4: Who the hell are you?

           Hey, what you doin’?

Kelly Severide: Shut up. Sit down.

                                           [door closes]

Kelly Severide: Mrs Grady. On Kilbourn.

Man 5: [scoffs] We don’t even know who that is.

Kelly Severide: She’s the one who called the cops about the drug

                          dealers on her block. She’s also my aunt.

                          Listen to me.

                          I hear about one more ember going anywhere near  

                          Mrs Grady or her property again, I’ll come back

                          here, break your kneecaps, and drag you down to  

                          the police station. You don’t have drugs on you,

                          I’ll plant them on you.

Man 4: You can’t do that.

Kelly Severide: The hell I can’t? It’s a firefighter’s word against a

                          couple bangers. Who they gonna believe?

                                                cutscene

Christopher Herrmann: Extra, extra.

                                       Firefighters are off the front page. Back in  

                                       the black smoke we go until another

                              ��        tragedy.

Matt Casey: Another day, another story.

Christopher Herrmann: I wonder how much that Thorne is getting  

                                        from the city.

Mouch: Why work for a living when you can sue someone instead?

Kelly Severide: Morning, Chief.

Chief Boden: Our assistant Nicki has quit.

                      According to her father, she has broken off her  

                      engagement, left for Europe for a while, so will

                      y’all just let me know if you hear of anybody

                      available for the position?

                                                 cutscene

Gabby Dawson: Leslie Elizabeth Shay.

Leslie Shay: What?

                     It’s…it’s not a big deal.

Gabby Dawson: No, it is. And…I’m sorry but I’m not gonna pretend

                           like I don’t remember peeling you off the floor  

                           after that woman broke your heart.

                           She is married now. Taken. Unattainable.

Leslie Shay: I know.

                    I just wanted my records back.

Gabby Dawson: I’ll buy you a new set. I promise.

                                                  cutscene

Peter Mills: You wanted to see me, Chief?

Chief Boden: Yeah, Mills, come on in.

                                             [door closes]

Chief Boden: I know you’ve been…struggling ever since the

                      warehouse fire.

Peter Mills: I was close enough to see him. If I’d had one minute, I

                   might have…

Chief Boden: Let me tell you about one minute.

                      I’ve been there.

                      Most of us have.

                      In my case, I was sure.

                      Surer than you are right now, even. That if I’d had that

                      one minute, I’d have been able to go in there, rescue

                      those people.

                      My best buddy and I, we went running back in.  

                      The fire was trapped in the ceiling.

                      Couldn’t see it, so we didn’t know. We didn’t have  

                      one minute. We lost the victims. I lost my friend. I got  

                      a scar on my back that reminds me every single day  

                      about the price of playing ‘beat the clock.’ And it’s  

                      my job to make sure that you never get any kind of  

                      reminder. You understand me?

Peter Mills: Yes, sir.

Chief Boden: You got it in you. You will make one hell of a  

                      firefighter. Just like your dad was.

                      Go on.

                                               [door closes]

                                                  cutscene

                                              [radio chatter]

                                            [somber music]

Radio: We’ll be opening up the phone lines shortly to take your  

            calls to talk about the Bears game on Sunday…

            [continues indistinctly]

Peter Mills: Hey, Karen.

Karen: Hi Peter.

Peter Mills: How you doing?

Karen: Good.

                                              cutscene

                                       [background chatter]

Kelly Severide: So where should we go? Restaurant? Bar?

                         Strip club?

Leslie Shay: Yeah, okay.

Kelly Severide: Hey, you all right?

Leslie Shay: Yeah.

                     I just always thought she was the one [sniffles]

Kelly Severide: C’mere.

                         Strip club it is.

Leslie Shay: [chuckles]

                                                 cutscene

                                            [phone ringing]

Joe Cruz: Fifty-One.

                Oh hey, Hallie.

                You alright?

                 Hold on.

Matt Casey: Hey.

                                 [tires squealing & skidding]

Hallie Thomas: Matt, what is going on?

Matt Casey: [sighs]

                                                - end -

Definitions:

Arraignment = Court proceeding at which a criminal defendant is formally advised of the charges against him and is asked to enter a plea to the charges.

Flashover = Near-simultaneous ignition of most of the directly combustible material in an enclosed area. It involves a significant increase in fire growth and development.

M.E.’s report = Medical Examiner report.

C-4 tube = Bike tube

Lidocaine drip = Local anaesthetic

[firefam911]

Chicago Fire liveblog that no one asked for | 1x01

Disclaimer that I’ve technically watched seasons 1-3 before..i think i stopped at season 3 but i can’t remember. It was many years ago and I just remember basics so this should be fun and kind of like real first watch

Oh hello class clown dude, I don’t remember you at all so i bet this won’t end up well

Oh look, 30 seconds later and he’s dead

Casey cleaning out the locker :(

Mills!!! My baby!!! I do remember you and how much I adore you

Gabby and Shay!! <3 Dream team

Herrmann!! Love you dude

God I miss Chicago. I love that city

Ahhh I forgot there’s a rescue team on this show! I love when they do cool rescuse stunts on shows like this

*sigh* oh yes, the drugs. i do remember this plot point

“My wife isn’t taking her birth control because the Pope said if she did God would cry” oh my god why is that funny. i know some people believe that but oh my god

Peter Mills are you gay? Because I am. ICONIC

Casey checking on Severide <3 

Wait why wouldn’t the rescue squad vent. why wouldn’t they want to vent?

Casey can’t keep making excuses for Mouch, but i haven’t seen him making excuses?

Owwwww falling though three floors has to suck

Oh no he’s going to have to use that arm that’s really hurt to pull himself up.

[paolopallegient]

good morning, today is a better day.

i feel like all my work in the morning for the past 2 days have really helped achieved this feeing of me tal safety. To explain

3 days ago i learned that Gabbi had cut me off. It was hard to find out, i went ahead and slept it off, it meant nothing to me at night. I woke up and the information sunk into my heart. I was at my worst that morning, but i forced nyself to do good to myself. I remember not wanting to move, but i put my clothes in the laundry, showered, meditated, had a good bfast too with black bean noodle and some egg. It was good. Then i had work later with Darren and Dhan. It sucks because i love working with Darren and Dhan but i wasn't in no mood to communicate or talk to anybody. It makes me sad. I went home and facetimed Nicole and she had told me the true meanings as to why Gabbi had cut me off, which included why kiana had cut me off as well.

i went home and showered, got into bed and listened to music the whole time. I didn't want to talk to my parents, i didn't want to do anything bro. I waited for my parents to sleep just so i can eat by myself. I remember crying to Nicole about this moment because i felt like there was no hope for me. I remember late at night i hopelessly texted Kev so that we can talk it out. I needed to talk it out with somebody. Somebody who'd have my back. The insecurity within me had a feeling he wouldn't like what he heard or even lose another friend with him. It turned out well though.

The next day, I did the same stuff. I woke up, showered, did my laundry, made bfast, and even picked up an earlier shift. I usually work 4-9, but on this day i worked 1-9 so i was there longer. It turned out to be good for me. As i mentioned, i had to meet up with kev to talk about it. It was really good for my mental. I feel like i'm really learning how to grow and surround myself with good things nowadays. I guess i've experienced so much people leaving my life and the presence of their absence affecting me had taught me something 😂🤝😂. It's crazy, anyways, Yeah he was able to give me the guidance i needed. He told me that what i did isn't as severe as to what people are doing concurrently. Men are doing much worse than what i've done. He also said something very nice to me near the end, where i was dropping him off at his place. I was playing a logic song, a song off his new album No Pressure, but the song was in the background really so i wasn't paying attention. Kev placed my attention to the song and he said to me that he doesn't want me to be in the fear of being "cancelled" or crossing paths with somebody that doesn't like me because "that's not freedom."

damn.

That's not freedom. The song was "Amen", one of his favorite song off No Pressure. What he said there was something i carried through the whole day. I went to work after i dropped him off and i was thinking about that endlessly. I went to work and Kevin & Will were working. I realized that i like working with Kevin because he actually likes to talk and conversate. He's not as bad as people talk about him. It's merely the opposite, he surprises me. At the beginning he was hard on me when making drinks because, i was learning yenno? But now, when i do something "lazy" i'm surprised that he does the same. He made 3 drinks in a a blender lol. I've gotten condemned for doing such so i don't do it anymore. Anyways, talking and working the first half of the shift was nice. I was happy to talk to him. Kathy and Solo came in later. Solo is always dope, it's hard to talk to him doe because he's quiet as fuck and i like my music loud lol. Then Kathy was where it was at tho. I'll just say what she told me rather than how the conversations went. She told me she used to study film. She wanted to be in Film Production(i think) and went into Film Criticism on accident bc she wasn't looking close enough as to what she was studying or what classes were part of the curriculum. She told me as well that she's married, and that her and her husband used to own a restaurant, an american chinese place like Panda Express. 3 years ago she used to work at a boba shop, a local one in Orange County. I noticed that she refrains from telling me the names of the places she works, maybe those were years she didn't want to remember. It's understandable. 2018 and 2019 are years I do my best not to remember. Typing those years out actually made me reminisce and wow yeah i understand her, suggesting that her bringing up the names were the case as to why she wouldn't wanna talk about them.

Anyways, later in the shift around 6-7 it got busy and i started getting real mentally negative. It was insane to me, i started just drifting off while making drinks and i remember secretly slamming my hand down on bar. It just sounded like normal noise considering things are slammed all the time anyways, so nobody noticed anyways. Later, something crazy happened. I saw a girl come up and she had very familiar eyes. This is where my ability to recognize people astonishes me because I saw this girl's eyes and i recognized her as Noah Abel Cruz's girlfriend. Then i look whose next to him and it was Noah lmao. I had the quickest intuition to discount them, then i pulled out... i didn't tell Kathy to discount them... I wish i did. It was like my authentic self remember 2014, then my older self remember 2017-2018 😂 lmao stupid. I wish i coulda saved them some money in the name of growth. Although, what i did had shown that I was affected by his and my decisions from the past. I didn't appreciate what he's done or said to me in the past. Although, i still made their drinks... i think...? I remember yes, i did make their drinks. This moment i really am not proud of lmao so, it was pretty ass haha. I made their drinks and i remember being done for awhile, and Solo was busy AND KATHY WAS BUSY SO I MIGHT'VE HAD TO BRING THEIR DRINKSS TO THEM. But naw, I was able to hear Kathy's next order i think so i just remember beginning it and then solo came and brought the drinks. What happens later with the Noah story is crazy. from 7:10-7:50 i was going relatively crazy. I was thinking and repeating that moment forever. "shoulda discounted them" "shoulda shown him that i've grown" "should brought their drinks to them" idk. Earlier in the shift i texted Melissa if she could roll my weed because, yesterday with Dhan and Darren, Dhan gave me weed...? LOL Like, i have no form of smoking it but yeah. He just gave it to me, and Melissa agreed to roll my weed. Then i get a snap from Christian that they're both hanging out at the time i text her. I told him that, if they want free boba, come bc we close at 8, and they got excited. They came around 7:50 and were so playful?

They were happy to see me... It was nice to felt needed, or at least produce excitement for somebody. It was nice. I remember somewhat scrambling because solo was making drinks and I wanted to make their drinks and yeah. I made their drinks, said goodbye, etc. Then we closed, nothing much this night, just showered and laud in bed, ate later and watched Japan Sinks (which i don't like lmao, i won't be finishing this series lol). Anyways, yeah. I forgot to mention, the Noah thing. So we closed, i got into my car and called Kevin bc he called me while we were closing. He told me that Noah called him, and told him exactly what i was telling him. Like, "man i felt weird" stuff like that. He was saying that we'll probably reconnect at a listening party in the future at Kevin's. I think i have to organize my feelings with Noah first. Thinking about it now, i'd still feel weird. We'll work on it. I'll work on it. Anyways, yeah. crazy.

Christian, Melissa, Noah, Coworker Kevin, Vrother Kevin, Dhan, Darren, Nicole, all these people enjoy my presence. Even my parents enjoy my presence too. i have to remember this.

today, i will get up, use the restroom, i want to brush my teeth bc i didnt brush last night. I'll come back, make my bed, meditate, then shower, then fold my laundry, Kevin is coming around 12:30 so i'm assuming that we'll probabky eat when he comes. We'll be watching Do The Right Thing and Once Upon A Time In The West, an oldie double feature. It'll be good. Later in the day, i'm going to melissa's so she can roll my weed. I appreciate her. I appreciate kev. Today will be good and i'll further beaing good to myself. Tired of being tired of being tired.

Kiana, Gabbi, Justin, Preet, Bianca, etc. I want you all to know that i'm choosing to grow. I feel like i have potential to achieve greatness in this life. I want to do better for my seed so that my sons or daughters know consent and know how to "read the room" and not make people uncomfortable. I want to teach them and educate them. My nephews and nieces as well. For the future, if i become a teacher, i do want to teach my students as well. I want to become a person of change. I will change, i'll show you all. You can decide to be present for that, if not then...

I wish the best for all of you. I remember a life where i cared for all of you. Thank you for being apart of my journey. I have 0 defenses in my case if i get cancelled, i admit to what i've done. Although, i'm not going to allow that to restrict me from growing and being a better person. If you ask me, why wouldn't cancel culture WANT me to grow and be better? Idk. If i lose more friends to this, I won't be surprised but, yenno what i'll do?

Wake up in the morning, shower, meditate, do my laundry, and eat breakfast. I'm done being a shit-person to others, but it begins with myself. I have to love myself.

Today is day 3 not getting cancelled. I have a dentist appointment sunday. Next week is Julius's bday. Gabbi's too but i won't be celebrating it lol. Then Passdown retreat, then the week after school starts. Then blam. Life keeps going. I will grow.

Thank you Paolo for taking the time to just type this whole thing out... this was also a step towards loving myself. Alright, i have to shit. See yall in my next post. Love you all. Swag.

[skiasurveys]

442

1. List 5 things you want to do before the year ends. Have a party, exercise more, eat healthy, get a good job, do well in class

2. What color are your pants? not wearing any

3. Favorite motivational quote. it is what it is.

4. When was the last time you drank coffee? a long ass time ago? i don’t drink

5. What was the last thing you ate?  apple

6. Favorite animal. wolf

7. Favorite song. bad karma by gabbie hanna

8. Last movie you watched? i don’t remember i don’t watch movies

9. Any turn ons? these vary

10. Any turn offs? lanky, trump supporter to the extreme.. drugs

11. List 4 big words off of the top of your head. lol idk

12. What are some meaningful movies?  theres too many

13. 2 most important people in your life right now? connor and jen

14. What are 3 things you want to do before the month ends? make art , go to the gym if it’s open and buy an ipad

15. When was the last time you read a good book? like 5 years ago

16. How long do you study for usually, if you study? - it depends on the subject honestly. if i need to study longer it will

17. Do you have any nicknames? skia

18. Favorite kind of perfume? (fruity, alluring, etc.) i don’t care for one i just wear what i find smell good lol

19. Do you have any international friends / friends who live out of state? - yup a lot!

20. What is something unique that you do every single day? - i do nothing unique

21. If there was a movie based on your life, what would it be called? - series of unfortunate events

22. When was the last time you bought a gift for someone? - xmas

23. Are you a shopaholic? - no but i can get into moods where i wanna shop

24. What are some songs that always make you feel better?- don’t stop me now by queen

25. List 3 activities that you can only enjoy by yourself. gaming, cooking and working out

26. If you could live in any biome (and survive) which biome would you live in? - idk?

27. How do you like being roused in the morning? - slowly and quiet

28. How was your day? What did you do? - it was good i bought some make up that i needed and made dinner

29. What did your last text message say? -too lazy to look

30. Do you respond to texts quickly?- i try to but sometimes i don’t see it right away or i am busy

31. Who was the last person you called? mom

32. List 5 things that are on your wish list. - ipad pro, air pods, air fryer thing for my instant pot lol , drafting board, VR

33. If you were famous, what do you think you would be famous for? youtube or art

34. Winter or summer? summer

35. What is a quality that all people should have? sympathy

36. If you could have a large collection of one item, what would that item be? uhhhh i’m not sure

37. What have you been thinking about lately? school

38. What is the secret to a happy life? not caring

39. What are some phrases you say often? like

40. Favorite food? meatballs and rice

41. List 3 wishes. i wish to have a great job, i wish to have confidence and i wish to have love

42. What are some of your greatest fears? dying

43. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? video of mine

44. Most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)? canada’s scenery

45. Spicy food:Like or dislike? dislike lol i’m white af

46. Scary movies:Like or dislike? dislike usually

47. Do you like to travel? yes i do i wish i could do more if i had the money

48. Any regrets? ofc

49. Do you like rain? yessss

50. What do you spend most of your money on? bills or food

51. Would you rather visit the past or the future? past right now

52. Favorite clothing store? american eagle but my clothing tastes change for different stuff

53. What is the best advice you can give to those who are feeling down? it will be okay and if not it will be funny

54. How often do you think about your future? Does it scare you? yeah i am always worried

55. What angers you the most? thinking about how people have wronged me or thinking of injustice

56. When was the last time you got majorly angry? a while ago

57. When was the last time you got really sad? yesterday

58. Are you good at lying? sometimes

59. What foreign language would you like to learn? spanish would be cool but i wanna learn icelandic

60. How many languages can you speak and what are they? 1

61. How often do you go to parties? If you don’t, what do you do instead? hardly never and i chill with myself and friends

62. What books do you plan to read this year? none lol

63. Do you have breakfast every morning? no

64. Tell us a secret. no

65. How many concerts have you been to? 1

66. Last hug? connor

67. Who knows you better than anyone else? mom

68. Baths or showers? showers but i love baths

69. Do you think you’re ambitious? hmmm nah

70. What song is stuck in your head? none right now

71. Countries you’ve visited? usa

72. What do you most value in your friends? good listener

73. What helps you to sleep better? sex lol

74. What is the most money you have ever held in your hand? a few hundred

75. What makes you nervous? e v e r y t h i n g

76. What is the best advice you’ve ever been given? idk

77. Is it easier to forgive or forget? forget

78. First mobile phone? LG slide and touch or something like that

79. Strangest dream? there’s a lot...

80. Best dream? idk

81. Who is the smartest person you know? janelle

82. Who is the prettiest person on tumblr? idc

83. Do you miss anyone right now? ya

84. Who do you love? Why? connor

85. Do you like sharing? depends

86. What was the last picture you took with your phone? a pic of my painting

87. Is there a reason behind everything that happens? no

88. Favorite genre of music? rock

89. If you had one word to describe yourself, what would it be? anxious

90. Describe your life in 5 words. tragedy (one word i don’t care )

91. Describe the world in 4 words. injustice, selfish, rotten, dark

92. Craziest thing you’ve ever done? shrooms

93. First three songs in your favorite playlist? let me live, rororo, bad karma

94. Are you more creative or logical? creative

95. Would you rather lie or hurt someone with the truth? hurt

96. What are you most proud of? my mental health

97. What personality trait do you admire in other people? empathy

98. When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing? vibing

99. How do you usually start a conversation? hey or a conversation start

100. What is the best news you could hear right now? that i have money for life

[deepbluexsea]

Gone

Rating: PG-13 (mature situations, some language). Relationships: Jonathan/Gabriel, Geoff/Virginia. Recurring Characters: Johnny, Briel, Geoff, Virginia, Juliet, Bella. Warning/Notes: The death of a father. Lots of COVID-19 talk.

It was the third day in a row Johnny had spent in the parking lot of New York Presbyterian - Queens Hospital. The summertime was fast-approaching and the sun beat down on the front of the attorney’s black Cadillac. He’d never spent so much time in this car since he bought it; most of the time he hated driving (due to the city traffic) and thus hated even getting in the thing, and this time was no exception.

THREE DAYS PRIOR

One of the shrillest of the pre-programmed Apple ringtones rang out in Johnny’s bedroom, piercingly echoing off the wall and immediately rousing both him and Gabriel from a deep sleep. It was the only one loud enough to make Johnny get up and moving nowadays. Rolling over from where he’d been wrapped around his husband, Johnny snatched the device off of the nightstand. The blue-lit screen proudly announced that it was 3:30 AM, but even scarier was the caller ID: Flushing House, his parents’ assisted living home.

It was odd. They’d not contacted Johnny even once since his mother and father had started living there. In fact, the only people that ever called him in the middle of the night anymore were scammers, young kids that had figured out his personal phone number and decided to prank call, and wrong numbers. 

Ginny Matthews and Geoff Michaels were in exceptionally good health to be in their late eighties. Their doctors mostly contributed this to the longevity in both family lines and because they’d had their son so late in life, as well as the active lifestyle they kept even in the assisted living home. The most either of them needed was a mild dose of Lanoxin to support their blood pressure (a bit high, no doubt due to their extensive and stressful careers and all the coffee they drank because of them). Besides, Johnny had just visited two days ago and they were both fine – even if they had to communicate through a protective screen due to COVID-19. With all of that in mind, Johnny’s first reaction to seeing the place calling was that there must be some mistake. 

“Hello?” he greeted sleepily and quietly, throwing back the sheets and quickly shuffling out of the room so Briel could go back to bed.

“Hi, Mr. Michaels?”

“Speaking…”

“I’m sorry to call so early, but we’re contacting you to let you know that your father has suffered a stroke. We’ve sent him by ambulance to New York Presbyterian - Queens hospital. The EMT’s name is Gabby if you’d like to ask for her.”

Even though Johnny and his father had never been extremely close, he felt his heart take root in his stomach.

PRESENT

Trying desperately to keep his mind on work (connected by a bare thread to the hospital’s guest WiFi), Johnny kept finding himself researching topics related to his dad. There were three tabs open on his laptop: Sudden Stroke in Nursing Home Patient – Families’ Rights to Information, Italian Hospitals Allow End of Life Visitation Despite COVID-19, and Law and Exceptions During Country-Wide Crises.

Still, Johnny kept losing focus and ended up just staring at the dull brick building, the large windows showcasing the desolate lobby inside. Eventually, a spare few tears would well up in his eyes and he’d have to wipe them away, cupping his face in his hand. 

It was frustrating and he felt helpless – a feeling he’d only experienced a couple of times in his life and absolutely despised. Jonathan Michaels had almost always been able to talk his way into whatever situations he’d wanted or needed to be included in, but he was told unequivocally on the first day he’d arrived at the hospital that his entry was barred for the safety of everyone, including him. It was heart-wrenching, to say the least, and he was exhausted.

Virginia rang at least three times a day, but usually more. She was still so sharp, so demanding, even in her old age. Every now and then, Gabriel would send photos, call, or FaceTime, making sure Bella was nearby to cheer Johnny up. His direct employees at the office emailed daily to check up on him. Juliet would come by and bring food, or just hugs, and sit with him for awhile. Just yesterday evening, Johnny had to call her over to tell her that her grandfather wasn’t doing well. He still hadn’t woken up from the emergency surgery done the first day he was hospitalized. Even though Juliet hadn’t been as close as she could’ve been with her paternal grandparents (since she only knew them for four years of her life), they’d adored her – probably even more than they’d loved Johnny himself. The two of them cried together, and though Juliet wondered aloud why Johnny was still coming to sit in the parking lot, he stayed until 10:00 PM each night. 

The truth was, he didn’t know the answer to that. Not until the next day.

A nurse in elbow-length gloves and an N95 mask came out to his car shortly after he’d gotten there at 6:00 AM. He’d already called the ICU desk once to see if he could come in that day, just for a few moments, but the answer was no. It stayed “no” despite the information she had to give him.

“I apologize, Mr. Michaels. We waited to pronounce it until we knew you were here.” As if it mattered. She said she’d offer him a hug, but considering the virus, she couldn’t. As if it mattered. She talked to him about when he’d get to see the body – not until he was at the funeral home – as if it fucking mattered.

None of that mattered when he would now have to tell his mother, the woman who had spent sixty years of her life with his father, that he was dead.

It took a solid hour for Johnny to get himself together enough to drive over to the nursing home. Texts, calls, everything went ignored. Though the only thing he wanted to do right now was collapse in Gabriel’s arms and sleep off the pain and confusion and weariness, that wasn’t a luxury an only child could afford. He was on his way to Flushing House instead.

As soon as Johnny came through the door and looked at her, Ginny nodded sagely. She just knew. Though she didn’t shed a tear in front of her son the entire time, Johnny could see that her heart had shattered and fragmented. He wasn’t allowed to so much as hug her, the two of them separated by glass. She’d get to come home with him for the funeral, but that was days away at this point.

“I’m so sorry, Mom,” Johnny whispered, not even really aware of what he was saying. “I just couldn’t tell you over the phone.” But that wasn’t enough. He knew that even if he spoke it aloud it still wouldn’t feel real, yet he couldn’t stop himself.

“Dad’s gone.”

--------------------------------------------------

Geoffrey Warren Michaels February 5th, 1933 - June 1, 2020

[nuclearblastuk]

CRO-MAGS | sign to Arising Empire, release EP 'Don't Give In' + start pre-order for limited edition 7" EP vinyl

New York hardcore legends CRO-MAGS are back and have freshly signed a Europe-wide record deal with Arising Empire. Welcome to the family! Today, CRO-MAGS have released a brand new EP Don't Give In via all digital platforms, and have also launched pre-orders for the EP in limited edition 7"  vinyl format, which will be available in three colour variations from August 2nd via Arising Empire. Buy and/or stream the Don't Give In EP here: https://Cro-Mags.lnk.to/DontGiveIn Pre-order the upcoming Don't Give In EP vinyl: https://Cro-Mags.lnk.to/DontGiveIn Harley Flanagan: "In late 2018 I went in to the studio to start working on a new Cro-Mags album. After recording the first few songs, I got a strange phone call in the middle of the night, that turned out to be from Tony Brummel, Victory Records (to this day I have no idea where or how he got my number). I thought it was a prank call; it turned out not to be, and I started negotiating a record deal with Victory Records. Arising Empire in Europe later got in touch and with a team of lawyers including Donna Tobin (Frankfurt Kurnit), Dave Stein etc. and the help of Robert Kampf, former CEO of Century Media and his team, we negotiated deals that we are all very happy with. Mike Gitter from Century made the introduction to engineer John Ferrara and Producer Arthur Rizk, and the recording process went into full swing. One of the many things that makes me happy about signing with Victory and Arising Empire, is that they are genuinely fans of my music and know my history; they are not just labels trying to make money off me or the genre. I know that I am working with the best team, and the best musicians to launch the next era of Cro-Mags." Tracklisting: 01. Don't Give In 02. Drag You Under 03. No One's Victim

CRO-MAGS, the seminal crossover hardcore NYC outfit founded and fronted by Harley Flanagan, have announced some headline dates across Europe in support of their landmark album, Best Wishes 30th anniversary. Staring September 27th in Essen, Germany, the trek will also see the band make appearances in the UK at The Underworld, France and Austria, among other countries, as well as a stop at Belgium’s Limburg Hardcore Fest. Support will come from US based crossover newcomers RED DEATH.

Comments Flanagan "I'm looking forward to going to Europe and the UK, and performing songs from Best Wishes and the rest of the entire Cro-Mags catalogue. I am currently in the studio working on a new album and we may surprise you with some new music as well."

CRO-MAGS

Best Wishes

, 30th Anniversary-Tour

w/ special guest RED DEATH

27.09. Essen, Germany @ Turock  

28.09. Limburg, Belgium @ Limburg Hardcore Fest  

29.09. London, United Kingdom @ The Underworld

30.09. Paris, France @ Gibus  

 01.10. Stuttgart, Germany @ De Keller Klub

02.10. Prague, Czech Rep @ Futurum    

03.10. Budapest, Hungary @ Hu Dürer Kert

04.10. Graz, Austria @ Explosiv   

05.10. Leipzig, Germany @ Naumanns  

06.10. Berlin, Germany @ Musik & Frieden

The history of CRO-MAGS is integral to the history of hardcore, it’s evolution from punk and the development of alternative music genres such as hardcore, cross-over, thrash metal, post punk and grunge to name just a few. Numerous iconic bands from METALLICA to GREEN DAY, and individuals such as Dave Grohl have credited CRO-MAGS with having had a primal influence on their development.

Born out of the violence and depravity of the Lower East Side of New York in the late 70's and early 80's, CRO-MAGS was the brain-child of a very young Harley Flanagan (at the time 14 years old) when still playing with THE STIMULATORS. By 1982/83 he wrote and recorded the very first CRO-MAGS demos consisting of  four songs that would become the blue print for the seminal 1986 Age of Quarrel. He wrote all of the music, played each instrument and sang. Before long he connected with Parris Mayhew and the two started writing music and auditioning band members.

After several line-ups, 5 studio albums (beyond the original demos) and 30 + years of tours around the world, CRO-MAGS remains one of the most iconic hardcore bands with arguably the greatest reach beyond the genre.  CRO-MAGS

“In the Beginning” Why now? In Harley’s words: “Lemmy came to me in a dream and said, ‘Take it back mate, it’s yours, you started it.’ The fact is, I never legally lost the name Cro-Mags, others were using it without my permission, while I was raising my kids. An agreement was struck with the previous members and I regained full control over the name worldwide. Now with an amazing line-up and two record deals I am moving forward. I have a great team of people behind me; I have never felt stronger, better or more creative.” And so bassist Harley Flanagan has reached a settlement with singer John Joseph and drummer Mackie Jayson regarding ownership of the CRO-MAGS name. Flanagan will now perform under the name CRO-MAGS while Joseph and Jayson will perform as CRO-MAGS "JM". In 2019 Cro-Mags signed with Victory Records and Arising Empire. The EP consists of 3 tracks, ‘Don’t Give In’, ‘Drag You Under’, and ‘No One's Victim’. Harley: “The lyrics are meant to inspire and kick you in the ass when you need it. Some might not take them that way, but that’s my intention. Sometimes you need someone to tell you to man-the-fuck-up, or woman-up, cause life ain’t easy and you will get crushed if you don’t. I wrote them more for myself than anyone else, cause sometimes I need to hear these things, as I think we all do.” "Some of them were inspired by loss, the loss of friends, by suicide, cancer, struggling with depression, mortality and ultimately the beauty of life. You have to be able to recognise it, even when you’re suffering and struggling. Although we all fight our own personal battles, and they vary, none of us are alone in the fact that we have to fight our battles, and many of them we must fight alone. In that way, we all have something in common, besides needing basic things like food water and shelter. We also must learn how to cope with struggle and mortality. Some rise to the top while others crash and burn." "I feel like I crashed and burned enough times that I somehow managed to rise back to the top. I feel stronger, happier mentally, spiritually and physically than I have in years; and it did not come without a struggle or cost. But that is life; you have to fight for what you want, and you also have to know how temporary it all is." The EP features along with Harley Flanagan, Gabby Abularach (Gil Evans Orchestra etc.) who played on Cro-Mags’ Alpha Omega (1992) and Near Death Experience (1993); Rocky George (formerly of Suicidal Tendencies and Fishbone) who played on Cro-Mags’ Revenge (2000); and Gary "GMan" Sullivan (who has played with everyone from the B-52's, Berny Worrel of Parliament Funkadelic, TM Stevens etc.), who joined Cro-Mags in the 90's. Discography: • The Age Of Quarrel (1986) • Best Wishes (1989) • Alpha Omega (1992) • Near Death Experience (1993) • Revenge (2000)  

More info: www.facebook.com/realcromags www.twitter.com/realcromags www.instagram.com/realcromags

[fightingorcavingintodepression]

1/16/17 5:17 pm

I had my first panic attack I've had in a long time. I've gotten so bad at work my manager called me at 10AM and left a voicemail. I called him back and said I had a Doctors appointment and forgot to send out an email to the team. I hate lying, but i can’t realistically say I'm suicidal and won't even get out of bed every morning.

I ran to the bathroom and started dry-heaving for a good 2-3 minutes. Then I laid down on my bed and felt like crying, and then Stayed there for nearly another hour.

Kill me.

1/20/17

I'm eating lunch by myself at 3:06 on Friday. I've only hit myself a few times today. I ordered and shipped a present to Shara and it should get there tomorI'mrow, but today is her birthday. I deleted my Facebook and haven't been posting on tumblr, so I'm avoiding everything. I feel guilty and don't know what to do. I'm going to stop typing because I'm tearing up in the restaurant. I'm pushing all of my friends away. I saw Selina last weekend and it was so awkward. I can't even hang out with my best friend without it being awkward. I want to kill myself.

Please let me die in an accident.

10:56 pm I want to keep hitting myself until I don't wake up.

1/25/17 Wednesday 11:39pm

I'm at McDonald's getting a milkshake and food. I've "worked" from home the past three days because I don't wake up till 9 or 10. That's a lie, I'll wake up and hit snooze, but won't force myself into up. On Monday I stayed online till 11:30 and then said o had a doctors appointment and was gong to wfh the rest of the day, but the last two days I haven't even sent anything out. I deserve to get fired. My depression is destroying me.

1/26/17 Thursday 2:30pm

I woke up late at 8:50ish and got online. Did the scheduled work for Austin and once that was finished, drove into the office and got in at about 10:30 (I think). I ate lunch at my desk and I've gone back and forth to the bathroom and just sat. Only work I've done today is finally send an email I've needed to for weeks. Mom asked me to call her at lunch and I finally said I didn't really want to celebrate my birthday. I told her I'd decide on a weekend and give her a call tonight, but I'm not sure I can. It's now 2:48. I've been in the bathroom almost 20 minutes.

2/16 4:29pm

I woke up at 3:30 am and stayed awake, but then fell asleep and didn't get online from home until about 9:40. Came into the office about 12:40. I've done maybe an hours worth of work. I really hate myself. When driving into work nearly had an accident from someone driving recklessly and me not just letting them pass me. They cut to my right into a lane for cars getting on and drove on the side of the road to pass me since I didn't slow down. The driver even had people (possibly kids) in the back of their car. I hate myself, but that person as well if they can justify that type of driving that also may harm their own kids, let alone other people. I started yelling again in my car...it's getting worse.

I hit myself again this morning in the shower.

2/17 12:18am

I can see myself committing suicide within the next year. Depending if I don't get better, maybe not till after my parents pass.

2/20 12:33pm

I didn't get up again today (Monday) until 9:50 and log online. Then finally came in to the office about 10 minutes ago. Off to a bad start of the week. I should be fired. I did "clean" a good portion of my apartment yesterday because at&t suppose to be coming this week. It's still a terrible mess, but you can finally see the floor now. Next is the kitchen.

1:04pm - eating lunch by myself at wich which. Postponing going back to the office. Not sure if taking these notes is beneficial, or even a smart idea (hint, it's not)

2/21 12:31pm

Late again. Thinking of working from home tomorrow. Getting worse. Really worse. Spent too much money yesterday on gifts I'll probably never give.

2/24 11:52am

It's my birthday. Today hasn't been a bad day.

2/28 12:15 pm

In training. Feeling useless. My back is also killing me. Have my APA later today. Guess I'll find out how badly I'm doing or if we'll just pretend I'm doing fine when it's obvious I'm not. Not likely I'll get fired since I'm an ITA, but don't know. Just haven't been given a warning or anything

3/13 12:48pm

I'd been doing okay for a little while. Starting to get worse again. Started saying things again. Didn't wake up for work till 9ish. Didn't get in till 11ish. Need to stop. Want to hurt myself. Want to kill myself. Fighting it. Still doing bad. In the bathroom wanting to hit myself. Shara texted about doing stuff this weekend, and I almost want to back out. I'm suppose to do Aerials with gabby tonight, but want to use my weight as an excuse and say I'm over their limit (which may actually be true, but their website doesn't say and no one picked up when I called), or that I don't have the right clothes, or I'm having a panic attack (probably closest to being honest). And one of the other things that's bugging me in the back of my head today I'm hating myself most of all for it even bothering me.

3/20 4:39am

Mild depression acting up. Want to "call/email" out of work. Smacking myself a bit the past day

3/22 6:14pm

Didn't go into work today and haven't done any work so far. Needing to get a report and presentation done before tomorrow. Depression has been really bad this week. Sleep is getting off. Whispering harmful things to myself and hitting myself more often.

3/24 10:44am

I want to hurt myself. I'm doing really badly this week. No point even coming into work. Can tell I'm being replaced in all areas. Went to lunch with people. Faked it. Now I'm back at the office (2:04pm) and hiding in the bathroom. I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I want to pass out.

I want to die.

3/25 5:02pm

Doing bad today too. Didn't get up till noon. Went to the park to walk, but had negative thoughts the entire time and it didn't help. Convinced myself to go out to dinner at Las Margaritas that I normally get take out from. I plan to make myself sit in the living room when I get home to get out of my bedroom/bed. It feels pathetic, but right now the smallest things feel like an achievement.

3/27 1:41am

I want to kill myself. I just want it to end. I don't want to hurt my family though. I wish I could make them forget i existed so I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

3:06am still lying awake on the couch. The longer I stay awake, the longer I postpone till tomorrow comes.....or that's how it feels. Ready to kill myself.

3/30 8pm

I now weigh 245 pounds. I write this as I sit in line at chick fil-a getting a meal for two people and a milkshake

3/31 6:38

Deleted all of my social media. Specifically tumblr, which I can't reactive. Gone forever.

4/6 1:12pm

Was doing better for a bit because work was busy enough to distract me. Getting too busy now. Think I overheard two people saying they don't want to work with me, and storage team disregards my existence. It's a new feeling when I feel like I'm doing some good work, but know I'm also doing terrible in other areas and people no longer want to work with me. Hitting hard and really want to hurt myself again. I need to make some life choices before I end up committing suicide.

4/7 1:36pm

It might be good to just quit before June. If I sold everything I had, I could pay off all my debt. I'd be left with nothing, but wouldn't leave anything for people to worry about.

4/17 10:21am

So overwhelmed.

4/19 9:08am

Sitting on toilet at home. So overwhelmed at work. Can't get anything done and nothing is going right.

6/1 11:02am Thursday

Hadn't been in the office in almost a week. Had Friday off and Monday for Memorial Day, but lied and said Tom had knee surgery on Tuesday and then wfh on Wednesday. Getting bad again. Realized I hadn't been writing in here for a month and a half. Not sure if that's a good win or not, since I mostly only remember to when I'm getting bad again.

6/25 2:15am

Depression getting bad again. Suicide would be nice. Just want it all to end. If I could sleep for a year, I'd take it.

6/27 12:40pm

Didn't go into work until almost 11 yesterday. Working from home today. Can't even answer a phone call. Have a meeting at 2 and then will probably shower as unavailable the rest of the day.

6/28 3:06pm

Woke up at 5 and still didn't go into work today. Stayed showing as away all day and said I had issues with Skype and car issues

7/14 12:50pm

JB texted me asking if I was off. I should just kill myself. Lying through my teeth. His pa

7/18 3:28am Tuesday

I want to die in an accident so no one I care about thinks it was a suicide.

7/20 1:59pm

Didn't go into work until 12 today. While I was in the shower, my phone range and I just started cursing thinking it was my manager. Already had my lie made up going to say my car stalled this morning coming into work. Didn't have my phone (which is why I didn't pick up if it was them), but luckily a cop pulled over and called a tow truck....

Haven't had to use my lie yet, but going to use parts of it tonight to get out of going to a coworkers house for game night.

I really hate myself.

I need to call in my medicine to see if they'll prescribe it again, even if it doesn't seem like it's helping.

7/31 9:04pm

In line at Taco Bell. Didn't go into work today or Friday. Meant to send an email saying I was taking my mom to doctors and would be back Tuesday, but overslept and didn't bother. Don't want to go in tomorrow either. I haven't been replying to Shara and I feel terrible, but I'm not in a good place either. Hadn't been replying to family until Mom called worried and acted like I just forgot to hit send on some texts. It's easier to act like nothing is wrong with people who don't know I'm not good mentally. I saw a post on Tumblr that describe what I'm feeling. I'm pushing people away so it's easier when I want to kill myself.

9/5 11:42am

Moved to new apartment. Enjoying it so far. Had a 5 day weekend from labor/took Thursday and Friday off to move. 1st day back at work and already feeling overwhelmed and counting down till 4:30. Kill myself creeping inside my head again.

9/21 10:02am

Want to die. Want to die. I just really want to die. Kill myself. Kill myself. I'm so tempted to kill myself. I'd make it look like an accident so not to hurt my family. But I need to find homes for Yen and Shani, or plan accordingly. Could drop them at a shelter, but include some cash to help care for them (1k?). Then someone who is a good person, but just had money trouble would take them. I'm not sure I'll live 15+ years to outlive them. I take that back; I know I won't. I don't even know sometimes if I'll make it to tomorrow. I'm not actually making any attempts or plans to do it, but every time I walk in to work or leave, I hope a car hits me. Kill me kill me I just want to die.

10/18 9:52am

Overslept and didn't go into work today. "Working" from home online. Depression episode kicking in again. I just want to die.

10/31 Tuesday 12:02pm

Didn't get into work until 11 today. Called into the 8:30 conference and answered some emails to appear like I was working, but hardly got out of bed. ~Read back through some of these notes just now and now I've got in the back of my head the idea of starting to hit myself again. I know this is a downward slope, but really want to go to the bathroom stall and do it anyways just so I don't feel numb. It's lunchtime, so no one should be there to hear it. ~~I ended up going to get rubber bands and paper clips instead. Still hit myself s few times, but people kept coming into the restroom while I was in the stall.~

11/1 2:16 pm

In drivethru for chick-fil-a. Working from home rest of week probably. My anger is terrible. Called someone a cunt in the drivethru for honking and it wasn't even at me. My window was down, so think the person in front of me may have heard. I'm a terrible person and hate myself.

11/16 9:14am Thursday

Just got into work. Feel exhausted and drained as always. Just noticed it’s coming up on a year in January when I started making these notes. I honestly don’t know if I’m doing better or not. I’d say I’m not. Definitely not.

12/5/17 2:36pm

It’s a Tuesday, and I’d not been in the office for two weeks (11/21) between workin from home on Wednesday because thanksgiving was the next day, off Thursday and Friday, and then all last week I just never came in. Yesterday I “worked” from home, and today I didn’t get in till about 12. And the only thing I wanted to think about while walking into work because I forgot my headphones and couldn’t drown out the thoughts with music was how I wanted to kill myself. I have a meeting from 3-4 with new agile team (honestly probably only real reason I forced myself into the office). I wonder how fake I can present myself today. Hopefully it won’t be terribly interactive and mostly just informational.

1/14/18 11:27pm

I didn’t go into work at all last week. Was online only Monday for the entire day, and then Wednesday for the day on do-not-disturb. Skipped Tuesday and Wednesday completely though. Need to force myself to go into the office tomorrow. I hate myself. So much to catch up on. I cleaned a bit of the apartment, but still need to do more. My oncall starts next week, and I pray it’s quiet.

1/22/18 3:10am

Won’t go to bed because then the morning comes faster. I’m oncall this week and I just pray nothing happens at all. Even one ticket. Please don’t. I think I have an appointment this Friday about my antidepressants, but honestly I’m not sure. Please let me be left alone this week and work from home. I’ll even make sure I get work done.

1/23/18 12:30am

I’m pathetic at work.

2/4/18 6:43pm Sunday

Out grocery shopping. Tried to do small talk. Wanted to help bag like I do sometimes, but not doing well, so just awkwardly typing this on my phone. I HAVE to get work done when I get home, but haven’t been doing well. I’ll be lucky if I get anything done or I do it in the middle of the night (especially with my sleep schedule).

2/5/18 11:52am

Didn’t get anything done last night, but was able to wake up early and get it submitted by 8 (only one other person has anything uploaded so far). What pisses me off is another teammate setup a meeting at 2 with no heads up. That little amount of time and a same day meeting? Fuck that shit. I’ll attend, but doubt John will and don’t blame him. I said I was going to the doctor earlier, so purposely missed the one actual meeting I had today. Couldn’t get out of bed. Hate myself. Submitted a service request for the lights to be fixed in my apartment, so that’s the one useful thing I’ve done. I was wrong, John did accept. I hate myself.

5/7/18 Monday 8:59am

On the train in to work. Only going in for the ITA orientation and then probably leaving. Probably will stay an hour to get hibachi for lunch and then leave. I’m oncall this week. Please please please don’t have any tickets or sde’s after hours. Please god. Just this once. I’ve been doing so well with my depression, but the last week and a half it’s been dipping again and I’m afraid. On the chart at my therapy office, id finally for the first time dipped below the number for being depressed! I know I’ll always have depression and depression slumps, but it’s scary going back into my first one after doing well for almost two months. I don’t want to go back into that. I really don’t. Please just don’t have my oncall this week go badly. Dear god, just please don’t. I don’t want to breakdown in tears from anxiety this week. Make my next oncall worse, but just let me not have to worry about anything this week. Please.

5/7/18 Monday 11:21am

Doing better mentally once I got in the office and moving. It’s sad how easily that change can happen. You’d think I’d be happy, but just makes me realize how easily I can drop again. Part of me knows I could stay at the office and continue working, but the other half doesn’t care. I’m eating hibachi and then taking the train home.

5/10/18 1:02pm

Finishing up lunch at hisaki and then going into office. Have to recount all of the WebLogic VM counts manually.....

All the work before I did is basically useless.

Time to go through 400+ (maybe less since a good number are in the shared environment) and find out their host count. I shouldn’t really be complaining. Just didn’t want to have to do/worry about anything till after my vacation.

Now it’s 1:32 and I’m sitting in the toilet just waiting for the day to end. Shoot myself shoot my self I just want to shoot my self.

5/23 5:12pm

Felt sick the past few days. Worked from home. Throat is killing me, but in line at McDonald’s and going to get

5/25 Friday 11:27am

Hardly worked at all this week. Ignored a voicemail to call back my PO. Work is frustrating me.

I just hit myself for the first time in a long time again. Chest, face, head. It felt good

5:57pm clenching my fists in drive through. Want to hurt myself

5/28 Monday 2:04pm Memorial Day off work

At the bbq place getting Togo food. Been in bed all day/all weekend really. Felt sick, but also depressed. Stomach was so upset, didn’t take antidepressants yesterday. Going to take them for today when I get back. Still, I’ve not been doing well at all. Hitting myself more. Mainly the chest. May even do it on the way home. Just feeling numb again. Started reblogging suicidal/depression posts on tumblr again. It’s pathetic. Like a cry for help to the two I know who are on tumblr, but one never acknowledges them, and the other rarely gets on anymore. I have therapy this Friday (o think?) and have no improvement to speak of to the doctor. Overslept one from depression, but rescheduled the last one due to work issues. Slit my throat. Want to die. Let it end. Started singing those little tunes to myself the last week or two. Want to hurt myself. Really just want to drop dead from an accident. Get someone to take care of my cats, and then my family won’t think it’s a suicide.

6/12 10:59am Tuesday

Sitting at train station going into work. Just got back from surgery follow up and everything is fine. Spent maybe 10 minutes there in total. Now I’m going into work to eat my unhealthy lunch hibachi chicken and soda as always. I’m sad all the team. I have an in person meeting from 2-2:50, but will probably leave after that. Unless I ask Carter if he needed help with patching and he says yes, which is why I’m considering if I even should?? Wow, that’s pathetic of me. I only have to make it till EOD Thursday. Then I’ll watch Lily for the weekend, have my therapy session on Friday, and (maybe?) visit Mom and Tom on Sunday.

6/24 Monday 10:46am

I may barely make it into the office for an 11am meeting. This isn’t going to be a good week.

7/3 Tuesday 6:11pm

I missed my medicine twice in the last week (I think? Or only once). But just don’t care to take it anymore since I’ve noticed

7/9 Monday 12:15am

This isn’t gonna be a good week. I can already tell.

7/22 Sunday 1am

Doing patching. Teammates were being fucking useless, so I got offline and said I was having internet issues. It’s been a fucking hour and they’ve not done shit. The job is still hung exactly where it was when I left off. They’ve not tried to do anything at all. There are two more groups that have to run for Linux, and we’re already 2/3 hours of patching there is from 11-2am. Cancel the ticking job you dipshits. I even sent an email basically telling you to!!! I did all the ducking work for you!!! Instead you just sit there for an hour doing nothing!!! Cancel the fucking job!! If it gets to 1:30am and still nothing, I’m sending a follow up email and ccing myself. I’m not even suppose to be in charge here!! They are!!! At least Brandon should be. Daniel is ridiculously new, but clearly knows more, so make the ticking call too, for fuck sake.

- they finally did when I was typing this all out. And of course it was the new kid, not the guy who is a full time employee who should be making the call. Then again, I’m a waste of space too. Just got fed up with them and quit with a bullshit excuse. I’m trash. Now that I’ve calmed down, I hate myself again.

Thursday 7/26 2:54pm

First time I’ve been in the office I think nearing 3 weeks? I’ve not been taking my antidepressants as consistently. So tired all the time. Hardly get out of bed. Didn’t go to therapy last week. I need to call tomorrow to cancel next weeks too unless it’s early in the morning. And also schedule more since I don’t have any after that. And also reschedule one on a different day for my medicine.

Just got off my 3pm call. PO wasn’t there, so I basically lead. Talked for like 5 fucking minutes before my team lead said they’ve been doing it manually the last 4 days. So basically I’m a fucking idiot and out of the loop. I’m definitely not Sr IT analyst ready. I’m just gonna leave work. I hate myself. Put myself on do not disturb and closed my laptop. Ran and caught the train. I’m so ducking fat and out of shape. I should just go skydiving by myself and not pull the parachute. Quick and easy. Could I do it in a body bag so it’s less of a mess for the people who have to clean it up? Sky dive, pull the bag out midair. Put it on and zip it up. Splat. Done. Kaput. 😊

How many weeks vacation do I have? Just use it all at once and disappear. Then when it’s up I just never come back. I wanna jump in front of a car or train, but not okay with the impact it’d have on the person driving. If I jump off mountain, the only person it might hurt is the people who found me? Plus annoy the people who have to clean me up.

Could have a suicide note and send it in so the police can find me easily? Idk. Can’t do anything till my cats are okay.

8/14/18 Tuesday 10:19am

On the train to work. Only going in to have an in person meeting. Didn’t wake up till 9:20 and only jumped up because of the daily Standup call at 9:30. Have patching this week and next. Alex is out the rest of the week, so I’m in charge of Windows....never done it by myself, yet alone enough with someone else to be confident. Need to send out the email as soon as we get Tom’s email tomorrow. Get the jobs running and finish documentation. I think Wednesday only has noreboot servers and is a small window? Hopefully okay.

I’ve not been taking my medication. Haven’t been to the doctors in really long (therapy/antidepressant doctor). I have roughly 35 days to get in better shape/health/mental state before going to Samantha’s to see Welcome to Nightvale. Will it happen? No idea.

Still on the train. 10:27. I feel so num. no emotion at all.

5:49pm - on the train home from work. Got a lot done today, so feel somewhat decent. If I can bury my head in work and actually get stuff done, I won’t notice my depression sometimes.

9/5 Wednesday 10:51 am

Have a big kickoff meeting I’m leading. Has a shit ton of people in it. Don’t feel confident. Stomach is nauseated. Want to hurt myself too. Get it over with. Cut my throat. Let me die. Die die die die.

9/20 Thursday 11:05am

Have barely worked the last week since the hurricane hit and we’re in storm mode. Had my first “shift” start at 6 this morning, and I was the only one in the room. Was a good thing I came in to the office. Actually got some stuff done. Just really tired since I couldn’t get to sleep till 2:30 or 3, and got up at 4:22. Going home right at 2. Today hasn’t been bad, but I’m exhausted and sad at myself for being so fat and out of shape.

Animal crossing

Love Nicky

Clash royal

Good fantasy

9/26 11:53am

On train into work. Have two in-person meetings this afternoon. I regret volunteering to do the ITA stuff. Just added stress with no good outcome. My stomach hurts too. Don’t know if something actually wrong, or just anxiety of everything with work, deciding to go to the BigFix event tomorrow during work hours, and text Samantha lying I can’t come to the show. Too many lies happening at once due to my anxiety. I guess I do have anxiety. My depression making my life difficult makes me have anxiety. God my stomach hurts. Kill me kill me I want to die. Slit my throat just want to die. Just disappear I just want to disappear. First steps I need to take today to help fix my anxiety

1. Call and reschedule therapy as soon as I get off train DONE

2. Talk to Cathy and then John about change freeze issue with Websphere maintenance. Then get communications out. SENT AN EMAIL

3. Prep documentation for ITA meeting at 3. WORKING ON

4. Plan what time to leave tomorrow

5. Text Samantha for details (address, what time I should get there, etc)

6. Plan to drive home after show

Die die die die die die di die die die die die kill me

10/3 Wednesday 2:51pm

I’ve not been into work since last Wednesday, and hardly online all this week. Finally got a text from manager this morning asking what’s up. Ready to kill my self.

10/4 Thursday 1:24pm

On the train into work for a 2pm meeting I’m hosting. I may barely make it in. Barely. Or I’ll be late. Shocker. I’m useless. I look and feel disgusting. Literally just need to know if Cathy will fight if we have to push the qa and prod environment during a change freeze. If not, what will happen if we have pushed test and dev, but can’t push prod/qa for months?? I highly doubt that’s okay.

11/1/2018 Thursday 1:12pm

Waiting for the train. Overslept for therapy and then an important meeting I said I’d be late for, but not miss the entire fucking thing. I’ve pretty much given up on therapy for now. Doesn’t make a difference, and won’t get another appointment for 2-3 months, if they’d even give me one with how many no-shows I’ve done. My stomach acid is killing me.

Have meeting. Schedule jobs for 5. Go eat hibachi. Take train home. Meeting is at 2. Doubt chuck will be there. Cathy may call in or not. Literally just depends if John/srini at there. If not, will be over in 10 minutes. If they are, just keep chugging along with Websphere (need to plan how to do QA and PROD along side OS patching.

QA

Wednesday - do it right after patching for Linux/aix. Try and include windows in the patching, or same scenario.

Do we think it’s worth doing adc/cdc groups still? Or just all at once?

Thursday - Linux/aix I do manually (hit B & C right at 5, and then A when it finishes)

11/29 Thursday 9:25am

Going into the office. I’m just really sad. I’m up to 283lbs without any clothes on. I’m working nights now with patching at work. I’m rude to the point that I don’t even move my bag on the train. It’s just all really sad. It’s not bad enough I’m hurting myself or suicidal thoughts, but I’ve just been emotionally numb. I quit taking my medicine for about a week or two, but then noticed an increase in anger, so started taking them again.

12/18 Tuesday 3:39pm

Sitting at a jimmy johns nears my apartment eating. On vacation from work, and watching Lily till Thursday, but I’ve had to be online some because patching still isn’t being covered by the EDC, even though Matt apparently was handling it but clearly didn’t? I’ll be up anyways, so I’m not mad mad, but more just annoyed, because I’m not doing this come January. Pretty depressed though. Sleeping all the time. I weigh over 285lbs now. Maybe I’ll die from a heart attack in 2019? I’ve not been taking my medicine lately, but I’ll run out soon anyways unless I schedule an appointment with my doctor. Definitely see my anger spiking some when I’m not on it while driving or the sorts. Last Friday I went into work and ran into my manager(s) which was good. Talked some, and mentioned about the possibility of moving to Durham. Would be okay, but did mention Charlotte is better career wise, which is true (but I’m okay with that?). I’m just sad all the time still. Apartment is a mess almost always, which isn’t good for the cats. I hardly ever clean their litter boxes, and it’s disgusting for them. Which reminds me I have to take them to the vet. I should call when I get back to schedule something and also clean their litter boxes before anything else.

2/18 10:02am

On my way into work to train one guy on patching, even though I’ll probably be the one having to do it the rest of the week. Was in an accident yesterday. Car hit me from behind. Surprisingly still shaken from it. I’m pathetic. Have to call insurance today since they said they were closed yesterday. Hopefully it’s just visual damage. The bumper popped off a bit, but I don’t know if it can just be popped back into place. I know nothing about cars. Other persons was much worse, but no one was hurt at least. I wish I was hurt. Just kill me. Be done with it all.

Work is never ending stress, this fucking house is too. AND I JUST REMEMBERED IM ON-CALL ALL THIS WEEK FFS. Please let it be quiet. I’m begging you. With all the SDE’s and ongoing stuff, don’t let there be anything for me. Slit my throat.

2/20 Wednesday 2:04pm

Sitting at a car body repair shop getting an estimate by Statefarm. Hopefully should be fine. Work is stressing me out. House is too. I’m responsible for getting the WebLogic patching done, but it’s all up to Srini looking at the problem servers. It’s not fair to him as I’m sure he’s swamped, but he’s the only one who can fix it. Also that one guy who sent that needs to go fuck himself. Passive aggressive fuck. Then with the house. They finally responded saying they want their roofer to take a look, which is fine. Just don’t come back and argue you’re not doing anything. I’m so done with that shit. Just offer to pay half and be done with it. Then my mental health is just terrible. Want to hurt myself. When I get home may take a butter knife or something and hurt myself. Cut my throat. Not even going into the office tomorrow even though I said I would. Fuck Friday. Please be a quiet oncall week. I’m beginning you, just like I do ever time I’m oncall. It’s pathetic. Wish I had cancer instead of Tom. Let me die instead of him. Mom needs him. Just let me die.

It’s Wednesday. Need to make it through the weekend. “Work day” just tomorrow. Have other work to do, but I’m not as worried about the after hour work for IE9 IE11 and office 2010 SP2. Slit my throat slit my throat

[mackloveswriting]

Prompts

I decided to go ahead and publish my prompt list. I will probably add more later but as of right now, these are what I have. I will always accept your own plot and everything like that.

1. "What do you mean, work with him?"

2. "Cookies? Your bribing me with cookies? I mean they're good but not that good."

3. "He's right behind me, isn't he?"

4. "I heard that!"

5. "Do you trust me?"

6. "You're insane!"

7. "It takes a very broken, twisted soul to do what you did."

8. "How long have you been standing there?"

9. "Shut up!"

10. "I thought you were my friend!"

11. "I'm in love with you. Don't you get it?"

12. "When did you become so smart?"

13. "I can't take you anywhere. You want to start fighting someone."

14. "Babe, stop looking at me like that."

15. "Oh, sorry I wasn't specific enough."

16. "Why are you glaring at me."

17. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you!"

18. "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

19. "I hate you!"

20. "Right now, I don't know if I wanna kiss you or shove you off a bridge."

21. "I am way to sober for this."

22. "You love her don't you."

23. "I'd take a bullet for you."

24. "You're not as evil as people think you are."

25. "Are you sure I can't punch him in the face?"

26. "Was that suppose to hurt?"

27. "On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you think It would be if-"

28. "I made you breakfast, I know it's just a bowl of cereal but it's the only thing I can't burn."

29. "You scared me!"

30. "Did you just agree with me?"

31. "I never stood a chance, did I?"

32. "I worked so hard to be where I am now and I'm not going to let someone take that from me!"

33. "You think you're broken when you're just the bad guy."

34. "You don't remember?"

35. "I wanna cuddle."

36. "Do you love me?"

37. "Why did you have to drink so much?"

38. "He's not gonna hurt you. Not while I'm here."

39. "I'm sorry for being.. what I was before."

40. "You're a monster."

41. "I never wanna see you again!"

42. "Tell me you love me."

43. "Can I kiss you?"

44. "Stop asking permission."

45. "You're lying."

46. "Did you ever love me?"

47. "Be honest for once in your life."

48. "Can we make out?"

49. "I don't party."

50. "Why can't you respect that?"

51. "I'm just... not ready."

52. "I'm scared! Don't you get that?"

53. "He's not just a bad boy, he's a bad guy and I don't wanna be with the bad guy."

54. "So, that's a 'no'?"

55. "Get out!"

56. "I don't get why I'm to blame."

57. "You're a douchebag."

58. "I am here to protect you."

59. "That's not what an apology sounds like."

60. "Why would you love me?"

61. "You bug me, weirdo."

62. "You deserve better than me."

63. "I couldn't protect you."

64. "I don't want better than you! I want you."

65. "Because you might not like what you see and I can't lose you."

66. "This isn't my first time dealing with people like you."

67. "You're my drug."

68." He was worse than any drug."

69. "t's like a disease, it's like I'm infected by him."

70. "Are you doing drugs?"

71. "Ew, gross."

72. "I hate you so much!"

73. "I should hate you."

74. "No, you don't."

75. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

76. "Why do I have to love him?"

77. "Leave me alone!"

78. "You're a freaking monster! I hate you!"

79. "Are you serious right now?"

80. "Why did you cheat on me with my best friend?"

81. "I'm not pushing you away!"

82. "I'm afraid that if you see the real me, you won't like what you see."

83. "I spent the whole middle school trying to get rid of the real me."

84. "You're perfect."

85. "I'm in need of coffee."

86. "Can I sleep over?"

87. "Movie night?"

88. "I need you to need me back!"

89. "It doesn't matter, cause in the end it all hurts the same."

90. "I'm so in love with you and I can't do anything about it!'

91. "I've been trying to push down how I feel but it is impossible."

92. "I should hate you so much, but I can't bring myself to hate you."

93. "Can I try something?"

94. "You're such a freak!"

95. "I'm your freak." 96. "I know that deep down, below that cold dark exterior there is a actual human soul."

97. "I know that your bad boy image is just an act, you don't have to hide around me."

98. "I'm sorry, no one should go through that."

99. "But that's no excuse to what you did."

100. "I'll always be here for you, but I can't look at you the same."

101. "You need help!" 102. "Please!"

103. "I want to shout it from the rooftops."

104. "Why do we have to hide?"

105. "I don't like all the sneaking around."

106. "Are you ashamed of me?" 107. "I don' deserve you at all, I can't understand why you picked me."

108. "Why don't you love me like that?"

109. "I'm never the one."

110. "He doesn't love me like he loves her."

111. "Who did that to you?"

112. "Did he touch you?"

113. "Is that a bruise?"

114. "Did you get hurt?"

115."you got hurt because of me."

116. "I could never blame you because it was never your fault."

117. "We're the cutest."

118. "I think we're end game."

119. "I'm Pregnant."

120. "No one really likes you."

121. "You don't think that I'm adorable?"

122. "He has a big head already."

123. "There is no way you're a virgin."

124. "Can we do this again?"

125. "How stupid do they think I am?"

126. "There is no way that he didn't cheat, his ex could not sleep over without them having sex."

127. "I'm failing everything."

128. "Can we talk about us?"

129. "I have a surprise."

130. "I-I thought you were breaking up with me.."

131. "I would never hurt you."

132. "Did you think that I would hit you?"

133. "I wanted you t fight for me."

134. "Do not disrespect me."

135. "I know you're not that guy."

136. "You sleep around, and you expect me to believe that you love me?"

137. "I don't even know that person anymore."

138. "How can you throw everything away like it's nothing to you?"

139. "I need you to be safe and being with me does the exact opposite."

140. "You're way more experienced than me."

Song Prompts

Tell me you love me - Demi Lovato

Hurricane - Luke combs

Think of you - Chris Young

She didn't have time - Terri Clark

Because of you - Kelly Clarkson

Like I loved you - Brett Young

If it wasn't for me - Brieanna James

In case you didn’t know - Brett Young

Good Girls - 5sos

Amnesia - 5sos

She looks so perfect - 5sos

Here without you - 3 doors down

Never know - Why don't we

Nobody gotta know - Why don't we

Sad song - We the kings

Heartbreak story - The wanted

Marry me - Train

She's in love with the boy - Trisha Yearwood

All in my head - Tori Kelly

Meanwhile back at mama's - Tim McGraw

Like we never loved at all - Faith Hill

My heart is - Tiffany Alvord

Unforgettable - Thomas Rhett

Die a Happy man - Thomas Rhett

Not meant to be - Theory of a Deadman

You are in love - Taylor Swift

Clean - taylor swift

Wildest dreams - taylor swift

Cold as you - taylor swift

Enchanted - taylor swift

Mine - Taylor Swift

Gorgeous - Taylor Swift

End Game - Taylor Swift

Delicate - Taylor Swift

Stay - Sugarland

If you only knew - shinedown

The weight - Shawn Mendes

Life of the party - Shawn Mendes

Like I did - Shane Harper

Ghost of you - Selena Gomez

Bang Bang bang - Selena Gomez

Sober - Selena Gomez

My heart can't tell you no - Sara Evans

A little bit stronger - Sara Evans

Take your time - Sam Hunt

Make you miss me - Sam hunt

Cop car - Sam hunt

Mess this up - Ryan Robinette

Yours - Russell Dickerson

Going out like that - Reba McEntire

Consider me gone - Reba McEntire

Lonely Call - Raelynn

Perfect - One Direction

Does he know? - One Direction

You and I - One Direction

Love you goodbye - One Direction

Break up with him - Old Dominion

You and Me - Niall Horan

Slow Hands - Niall Horan

This Town - Niall Horan

To much to ask - Niall Horan

On the loose - Niall Horan

Whoever broke your heart - Murphy Elmore

Tin man - Miranda Lambert

Kerosene - Miranda Lambert

Like I'm gonna lose you - Meghan Trainer

Someone else calling you baby - Luke Bryan

Crash my party - Like Bryan

Back to you - Louis Tomlinson

Greatest love story - Lanco

Need you now - Lady Antebellum

Legends - kelsea Ballerini

Peter Pan - Kelsea Ballerini

Never again - Kelly Clarkson

Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

The one that got away - Katy Perry

Used to love you sober - Kane Brown

Fall - Justin Bieber

The truth - Jason Aldean

Laughed until we cried - Jason Aldean

I got the boy - Jana Kramer

Why ya wanna - Jana Kramer

Shy - jai waetford

Getting over you - Jackie Lee

Personal - HRVY

I hate u, I love u - Olivia O'Brien

Out loud - Gabbie Hanna

Perfect - Ed sheeran

My girl - Dylan Scott

Human Diary - Daniel Bradberry

[overwhelmed-ravenclaw]

IF YOU ARE IN NORTH LOUISIANA OR NEAR IT PLEASE READ THIS! I do not like making personal posts on here. This is one, I am sorry about that. It might have some triggers in here, but I am not sure what to tag them as besides being an ableist (discrimination to disable people) because that what it is. Also, a lot of cursing (some from myself) I am sorry about that. The other thing is racism is mention but tbh it has nothing to do with that it is basically playing the blame game. Also a kid threaten to commit suicide. 

I have PTSD and a part of that is being born deaf and misdiagnosed as a baby. I eventually got the surgery I needed to get the ability to hear for the first time properly. Now years later (more than double of when I had surgery) I am a bus aide/para. I LOVE IT! It is one of the BEST things that has ever happened to me. Issue is because I am in North Louisiana, bus aides don’t get paychecks year around.  There is a Circle K on my route, 4 hours long route from bus barn pick kids up then to the schools. In the afternoons me and the bus driver used to stop at Circle K before getting the kids to head home. We also check the gas, clean the windows, etc. Normal bus stuff and things you even do in your car. This day, the driver sent me in to the station to get our drinks instead of her coming with me. Normally bus drivers, truckers, cops, other officials gets free drinks. I got her fountain drink. Then I got my bottle drink.  Heading back to  register, I see the assistant manager giving me the stink eye. She is my sister’s boss. Just barely. My sister was pass over for the position for this woman, Jasmine. I get to the register, put my things down and greet her nicely. She refuses to ring my stuff up. When I finally got her to ring me up she rang up my bus driver’s drink and when I corrected her before paying she refused to fix it. By this time I am running 5 minutes late and like screw it. It was a dollar, it won’t hurt anything. I pay then she refused to give me the little bit of change I had back OR receipt that I asked for.  Fine. Whatever. I have to go.  Half way to the door I heard something weird turned around and clear as day could read the woman’s lips and she called me a “Fucking retard.” When the old man behind me in line started to fuss at her about being so rude to me. I don’t give a damn, I was more pissed that she said that behind my back than to my face.  I storm out and told my bus driver what happened. Bus driver said it happens and tried to pay me back the dollar for the drink. I refused because nice old lady who makes me snacks during breaks.  A few weeks later I went in, it is last week of school, so I am about to be out of the job for 3 months and not get a paycheck for 4 months. My last paycheck was combinde with my previous because sent out dates for aides is weird at this time.  I go into Circle K, my sister is working and my aunt is bringing me home. I go get my drinks for the morning and place them on the counter. My sister is in the back, the assistant manager, Jasmine, is up front checking people out. She reused to check me out. I asked her to four times and no one else was in the store besides an old man drinking coffee.  Finally she checks me out after calling me everything she could under the sun, including racist because I am “demanding servatude” and saying because she is black I am treating her like a slave... 1 I wasn’t rude, just tired. 2 She is the cashier, checking people out is her job. 3 I have had a long day and wanted to go home and snuggle my puppy.  Well then she kept repeatively calling me fucking retard to my face refusing to check me out. Finally my sister came up front finish fixing something in the back and then told me to get in her line so she can check me out. I check out and asked my sister if she wants something to eat before I head home. She said no and then went on her way of what she had to do. I left got food and then head home pissed that the woman was being so arragent calling me racist for asking her to do her job. Stupid people will be stupid is my logic with the whole fucking retard part, at least she said it to my face this time.  My sister who witness all of this went to the manager complaining that Jasmine was calling me a fucking retard. Manager went back on tapes from what my sister said and watched the tapes and saw me standing there listening to Jasmine’s insults and her going on about how I’m  racist for 15 minutes. Finally he said he’ll handle it. Nothing at all happened. Two more times something similar to that happened. We reported to the manager, Jody, nothing happened. Because I was a cashier’s sister.  This last time I went in and haven’t been in since, I walked in with money and pump number to prepay for gas, didn’t think I’d make it to the other station. I went up to Jasmine, she was the only one there, I told her pump number and price then gave her the money. She placed the money in her draw, never put it in the computer. She typed it up like she was going to put it in but never pressed the button that would turn pump on. I had someone outside waiting for the pump to be turned on. 15 minutes and I get a call from the person outside asking why the pump isn’t on. I go the the cashier and ask why my pump isn’t on and she tells me “Keys and license.” ... I prepaid... I pointed that out and she told me that it is mandatory for everyone to give their keys and license before getting pump turned on even when prepaid. If I wasn’t a fucking retard I woud know that. I eventually waited 10 more minutes after I talked her into at least turn the pump on... I thought. The person pumping gas came in and asked why the pump still not on it been almost 30 minutes. The woman then again insisted keys and licenses because she isn’t turning pump on any “other fucking way” so the person called Jody, the manager, and the manager eventually came in and looked at the cameras, got my money back and we left to go to walmart to get gas.  A couple of days later I learned that it wasn’t just me, who she hates, that she was doing this to. She was doing it to a 17 year old kid too. This kid is a sweetheart, I use to watch her when I was still in high school myself 10 years ago. Well that was my last straw. I told my theropist about what was happening and she called corp right before she came to see me because of Jasmine telling the 17 year old to kill herself that she is a fucking retard that is a mistake on this earth. I called corp and then next week when my theropist came to our “lunch date” she told me that her friend at Monroe’s Circle K told her that the corp was pissed because there was around 19 complaints on the assistant manager at the Circle K my sister works at.  I am told by my sister that if I called in she’d be fired. We didn’t have money because I was out of job till school is back and that is her job. So I called in under my step-sister’s other sister’s name, with their Okay. The manager who only talked to me once but mostly avoids me because I’m deaf and have PTSD called my cellphone. He wanted details. So i gave him all the times she called me fucking retard and how many times she has ignored me when I said I want receipt and how many times she has called me racist for asking her to do her job.  At the end of it he said he would handle it and he has to make a report to the big boss. Okay, I think to myself, FINALLY she is going to get straighten out. Worst case of senario in my head is she gets demoted but still there, best she gets fired.  She got neither. She got a write up and told that my sister was jealous she got the assistant manager position (that my sister don’t even want because it is a crap job) not my sister. Because of my sister working there, she is allowed to be an ableist and when someone calls her on her shit she gets to use the whole “I’m black” card and get out of it? No! That’s fucking wrong! I am so fed up with this shit! She made the 17 year old want to commit suicide because of this shit! She has isolated a good part of her COWORKERS who have family members who are disabled and she treat PAYING CUSTOMERS like shit because of something THEY CAN NOT HELP! And gets away with it.  I don’t give a flying fuck if she’s black, I’m Native American and don’t see me using the whole “Well you stole my land” line or “You had caused mass destruction and nearly made us exstinct race.” No, I am a human being and I see others as HUMAN BEINGS so stop being so up your own ass thinking everything about race that you can get away with total bullshit and treat everyone like shit!  I get that this is a very small town, but seriously, you can’t treat people like that.  If you like to make complaints or draw attention to this please do so. I am fed up. The inforamtion of everything is below. If anyone that goes to this Circle K sees anything that needs to be reported PLEASE REPORT IT! This treatment isn’t just!  Circle K, Jonesboro, Louisiana (71251)  store # :: 07773 (I think that is it.) 

Complaint phone # (It is just an answering machine) :: 800 869 5872 Store phone # (please do not harass the workers they are mostly innocent bystanders) :: 318 395 8082 I don’t know their last names only their first names. The Manager: Jody Assistant Manager: Gabby (Jasmine’s roommate)  Assistant Manager: Jasmine

[theegabbsterr]

30 Questions!

I was tagged by @melodysponds, of course, it was Jhan...     

Rules: Answer 30 questions. Tag blogs you want to get to know better

Nickname(s): Gabbie, Gabs, Jo, G

Gender: Female

Sign: Taurus

Height: A binch is short. Like 5′4 

Time: 11:28 PM when I started and 11:52PM when I finished (I get distracted easily okay)

Fave band(s): Florence + The Machine

Fave solo artist(s): Sia, Sleeping at Last

Last movie I saw: Mamma Mia 2 (In theaters) and Breaking Dawn pt.1 (at home)

Last show I watched: Currently watching Downton but the last one I finished was Pitch

When did I create my blog: 2013 I think. 

What do I post: Doctor Who, GoT, Quotes, Movies, Aesthetic things

Last thing I googled: Pet memorial stones. We just lost our doggo Jack yesterday. 

Do I have any other blogs: Yeah, but I ain't outin’ myself

Do I get asks: Nope, I used to get some from Laura but that was forever ago

Why did I choose my url: It’s mah name?!?!?

Following: 273

Followed by: 308 but like 2/3 are the pornos and I'm too lazy to block them

Average hours of sleep: uh like 5? Sometimes less and sometimes more

Lucky number: 3 I think

Instruments: Piano (Barely), Clarinet (but its been years)

What I am wearing: tank top and star wars boxers 

Dream job: A heart surgeon

Dream trip: London and Ireland

Nationality: American (but I hate it)

Fave song: uhhh, how dare yall. Probably Witch Which by Flo if I had to pick one but honorable mentions are Saturn by SaL and I found by Amber Run and oblivion by Bastille

Last book I read: Uh I don't remember (Its been awhile tragically but I read a lot of FF okay don't @ me) but I listened to a DW audio the other day so that kinda counts??!?! 

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: Doctor Who! My long-standing favorite show/universe. 

Uh, I guess Pitch because even though its set in our time and everything Id love for women and WoC in particular to be rising stars and that show was real and good.

Then probably like HP, or TWW, or OUAT or someplace with magic because I'm a sucker for them types of shows. I have to know that magic is real so like if you've got proof pls hit me up. 

Tag: I guess @sovereigntywrites, and  @bellamyparrilla 

[religious-pizza-roll]

1-40 u asked for it

oh boy, I did you’re right, I’m gunna link every song to a youtube video for either the lyrics or the music video because I love when people check out my music. 

1. A song from the year you were born

...Baby One More Time by Britney Spears which is still a bop to this day

2. A song that reminds you of school

All in This Together from High School Musical because in elementary school we always performed it at the goodbye concert for the 4th graders

3. A song tied to a specific moment in your life

Sick of Losing Soulmates by dodie

4. A song that is not sung in your native language

Je t’aime c’est tout by Olivier Dion

5.  A song over 5 minutes long

The Greatest Show from The Greatest Showman

6.  A song under 2 minutes long

Hefner by Tana Mongeau I am so sorry for this song lmao

7. An instrumental

Yuri On Ice from Yuri On Ice

8. A classical piece

this is just a playlist on youtube because I don’t have any classical music in my playlist

9. A song with no percussion

Party Tattoos by dodie

10. Something you’ve heard live

Boogie Feet by Kesha

11. Something you’d give ANYTHING to heard performed live

Danny Don’t You Know by Ninja Sex Party

12. A song by an artist who’s from where you’re from

Bashful Creature by Hippo Campus

13. A song made suddenly precious because of a special someone

Why Worry by Set It Off

14. A song made suddenly awful because of a special someone

Out Loud by Gabbie Hanna

15. Something to BELT SHAMELESSLY/DO DIVA HANDS TO

Wannabe by The Spice Girls

16. Something to SCREAM ALONG to  

lmao I listen to some screamo and lots of emo shit so like half my playlist, but a good one is Bulls In the Bronx by Pierce The Veil 

17. A song for raging

Jumpsuit by Twenty One Pilots is my song right now

18. A song that demands lipsyncing into a makeshift microphone

Lady Marmalade by Lil Kim, P!ink, Maya and Christina Aguilera

19. The last song you had stuck in your head

Dance to This by Troye Sivan and Ariana Grande

20. A song you’re dying to master all the words to

Kitchen Sink by Twenty One Pilots or literally all Mamma Mia! songs

21. A song you could SLAY at karaoke

I’m Still Standing by Taron Egerton from Sing

22. A song you couldn’t help but dance to

Dancing Queen, no matter the version makes me get up and dance

23. A song that makes you want to dance on a table

Girls/Girls/Boys by Panic! at the Disco for sure 

24. A song that makes you wanna strip

Like I said on the last one, Every time we touch by Cascada really gets me going

25. A song with a great music video

S.L.U.T. by Bea Miller solely because it brings all these women together in there proud to be themselves

26.  A song that makes you act out the music video when you hear it

This is Me from The Greatest Showman

27.  A song with counting

Ex’s and Oh’s by Elle King

28.  A song with spelling

Honestly, I don’t think I have any songs that spell something out. 

29. A song with lots of clapping

Hand Clap by Fitz and the Tantrums

30. A song 40 years older than you

Rebel Rouser by Duane Eddy

31. A song you wish your parents didn’t know the words to

Let It Go from Frozen, my mom sings it all the time

32. A song whose lyrics shocked you once you were old enough to understand them

Can You Feel The Love Tonight from Lion King

33. A song you have ZERO patience for

Baby by Justin Bieber

34. A song you’d like your favorite artist to cover

I want Brendon Urie to cover When I Kissed The Teacher by ABBA, but the Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again version

35. A great song you discovered thanks to a movie

Waterloo by ABBA although the Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again version is fun as fuck

36. A great song you discovered thanks to television

The Drake and Josh opening song I Found A Way lmao I love that song 

37. A song you’re ashamed to have in your library

Anything by LIL PHAG but only sometimes because they are catchy as fuck

38. Ok what’s the song you were too ashamed to even post for #37

oh fuck, The Hallowissa Song by Issa Twaimz even though it’s a fucking bop 

39. The most played song in your music library

Definitely Shoot Me by Day6

40. Favorite Disney song

YOU EXPECT ME TO PICK JUST ONE

UHM HERE’S A WHOLE DISNEY PLAYLIST

Also, Why Should I Worry from Oliver and Company

BRUH THIS WAS HARD