#garden of eatin' au

[cherubispunk]

ICHOR. BLOOD. WATER. (part ii // blood.) - Din Djarin x Witch!AFAB!Reader

summary: stranded. alone. a traitor to your people, your family. aeaea is the prison of paradise you call home, and he is the prophecy you like to call an enigma. the 'man made from metal', forged in fire, melted by your spell that is no witchcraft on your part. he is the hunter, you will always be the prey. it is the way as the fates designed it.

a note from lucy: this was meant to be posted earlier and it was also meant to be longer but ive been through so much these past few weeks i couldnt bring myself to write much more. for those waiting on dealer!Joel, its coming. it might just take me a little while. thank you all for your patience. i love you all, look after yourselves.

playlist

wc: 1692 Warnings: 18+ MDNI! DARK CONTENT! mythology!au, no use of y/n, dubcon, smut, p in v sex (unprotected), reference to , cussing, mentions of witchcraft, voyeurism, mentions of drinking alcohol, mentions of food and descriptions of eatin, oral sex - m receiving, orgasm denial, toxic relationships, dom!din/sub!reader dynamic, sex as a means for manipulation and control, manipulative!din, stockholm syndrome?

series m.list | m.list

You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite.  — Madeline Miller ‘Circe’

‘Strangle me with Aphrodite’s very pearls. What a beautiful creation. Funny how we will all die but seek love for a pitiful salvation.’ Words engraved, etched into the gravestone of…this. This creation of torture. Of serpents’ forked tongues and gnashing lions teeth. Silence so large and gaping it made your heart dare to beat only in the ricochet of the shiver down your spine. He was the sharp blade of a knife, you were the wetstone he used to perfect its slide of slice. Bleed ichor from your veins while he grazes blunt teeth over the shallow skin upon your collarbone. 

You didn't care. ‘Give me that pointed, glimmering blade’, you thought, its vermillion stain now smeared too with gold. ‘Give me that blade. Some things are worth bloodshed.’ 

He was a killer. And his bounty was set on your spirit. Your calm. Your superiority over him. In his field, he was a master of his art. His armour gleamed as a trophy for his succession of rank. His clan– Here…he was a novice once again. Knew not a drop of knowledge of your craft, nor the whispering properties of each flower bud, fruit pit and herb stem in your garden. Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme were nothing but cooking materials to him. And even that was a stretch to his mind. 

You wished to be Anothny’s Cleopatra to him. Not a wicked witch of the western tides. Toughened beauty, once black coals under pressure, now gleaming in diamond and its own giant covalent structure. Him swooning over your flesh for months and his tongue speaking within your mouth. There was no turquoise over your eyes, nor the stain of the madder root over your lips to paint him with. His face was still an image that belonged to your mind. Not the reality you lived now with him tangled in your sheets. Rippled muscled under a tapestry of scars and skin. 

He did some things. Mainly doted care to the child whom you sense properties in. A magic akin to your own, yet not all the same. His was one of energy, a flowing combination of entities, living a breathing through you, him, the mandalorian and each living being on this island. Mauve further. It was a balance that even you did not know the tipping point of nor the origin of its birth. It was shaking. It crumbled under the erosion of water to salt pillars until its foundations skimmed to their very bare bones. 

It took with it the light of your sanctuary and morphed into Tartarus, so your soul may burn in forged cast iron chains. They were white hot in the black soot tinders. Glowing violently in your corneas while they singed sight. Scorched touch. Seared taste. The battle of yours and the child's power. 

You watched in awe one night, the lights out, but a single sliver of silver from Artemis’s glow caught the sharpened tip of a knife you know strapped to your thigh under the skirts of your dress. Would his blood sizzle when it touched the blade, as you only imagined it ran hot and thick with the brazen burn of his anger. Ichor? No. He was no god. But his touch was of divinity. And left a tingle of power in its bone cramping wake. Wailing for more. 

Only just the night before you had dropped to your knees in the doorframe of your chambers. Took off his armour beforehand in wordless undoing. Your tragic hero ending. And then gave him your mouth. Not words. Nor cunt. Just the mouth. Tip of the tongue, the lips and teeth. The stretch of his cock still wrung out your throat. Slick and wanting while it mimicked the way your cunt hugged the tip so well. Tased of salt and something more. Something forbidden or taboo. And he took his time with slow shallow thrusts at first, a large gloved hand cradling the curve of the jaw that went slack to let him buck deeper. 

This morning was one of the first times you lamented over the now restricted motion in your jaw. The ache still nagged into the later hours, when The Mandalorian returned from your gardens, the bloody and mangled caracas of a rabbit thumping down on the table. He sat at the head of the table opposite you, cleaning the blood from his knife on his cape. You thought if you saw his eyes — be it hickory, azure, or pine — you would have crystallised in that very moment and that very form. Cured oak table under your fingertips, feet planted into the terracotta floor. His irises setting your thrumming heart dead still.

This was the man you let into your bed.

He remained there, sat still in his chair while the child babbled in the kitchen with you. You took that rabbit. Skinned it. Dressed it. And roasted the meat in a marinade of white wine and spices from the edge of your fenced garden. Later you would hang the pelt and let it air — make something for the child. Mittens maybe. 

For now, you took your time circling the table to place each plate down: cheese, seasoned greens, a cup for the vessel of wine to his side. The silverware gleamed menacing in dim candlelight while he awaited each plate, unmoving in his armour while each delicacy was gifted to him upon his high table. And when you retired to your seat, the child had taken his too and started his feast, sticky plum jam smeared over his lips as he dribbled innocently and unaware over his rabbit leg.

But upon your silver plate was a single strip of black cloth, folded over twice on itself. 

Your eyes lifted to meet him, wide in wondering question. Only to hit a barrier of beskar when you see his visor still covers his face. Not a scrap of food had been helped onto his plate by his still gloved hands. His boots that traipsed dirt through your door were still on his feet, caked in mud on the soles.

“What’s this?” Nothing. Not a word past his lips. “Am I to figure it out for myself?” He cleared his throat, raising his head so his chin jutted out towards you. “Your eyes.”

“My eyes?” 

“You must wear it if you are to eat with us.” 

You pouted, pressing your tongue to the flesh on the inside of your cheek, then kissed your teeth. 

“You mean to dictate my freedom in my own home.” You scoffed and slung your arms across your chest, crossing them. “At my own table? You are sick in your own head, Mandalorian, if you think I am one to bend my will to the whims of others. Especially in my own house.” And he repeated,

while his shoulders drew taught under his pauldrons with the armour gleaming in the silver glare of Selene’s chariot. And he planted a seed in your stomach, turned in it, and made you feel sick. You preferred him between your legs, his name between your teeth and tongue. 

“You must wear it if you are to eat with us.” 

Eyes fell to the plate, that cloth once more. Would it be poisoned? The fabric snared with nettle to sting your eyes. Here you had two choices. Stay, blind yourself, yield to him somewhere other than your chambers. Or stand and leave. Either way, it was an act of submission. 

You did neither. Instead, you stood, kicking your chair back behind you before swanning over to the seat next to him, taking the other leg of rabbit and sinking your teeth into its cooked flesh, all the while your eyes on him. To tartarus with xenia, he outstayed his welcome long after he passed the threshold of your home. Helios could come and smite you for all you cared, the fates could snip your golden immortal line of yarn. No horror could compare to the satisfaction you had as you stuffed your face with food you'd slaved over for him. His refusal was your gain and soon you moved onto the plumbs, sticky sweet juice dribbling down your demented smile. 

You wafted the half chewn and mangled fleshy bone in his face, smirking with your mouth full. 

“Go on, Madalorian.” You crooned, “have a bite. Give in a little.” 

His hand snatched your wrist the moment the words left your stained lips, gloved fingertips making something click in your bones. You bit down the pain with a swallow, smirk remaining triumphant across your features. 

“Put it down.” He grimaced, curling his helmet covered lip at the state of you. Unkempt and wild, shrewish in your dignity. 

“Or what?” 

He let go. Sat back, pushed out a huff through his nostrils. 

Then he stood. You watched unphased and delighted with yourself as he took the child who cooed up at him. And listened out for his heavy footsteps as he climbed the stairs to his and the child’s room. Then silence. All the while you tossed the stripped bone to his plate and licked your fingers. 

You didn’t know what you would rather prefer. Him to come back down. Or stay and retire to bed. Regardless, he’d take you eventually. Here or up in your bed chambers. Unlace your corset or nightgown. Use you as his nightcap before slipping off. Without getting a look upon him. Not a sliver of his visage to hold to in sleep. 

He did come down. And with a heavy hand bent you over the head of the table, a gloved palm pressing your face into the wood. 

Physically you were here. Mentally, you were back against the silver birch. His cock splitting you in two once again while you smiled sadistically in candlelight. Him seeping into you through the cracks of your ribs, the gaps between your teeth. The opening of yourself to the twisting knot of denial within you. 

Between your thighs where he belonged. 

[marymay-fairgrave]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Far Cry 5 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Female Deputy | Judge & Jacob Seed, Jacob Seed/Original Female Character(s), Deputy | Judge & Jacob Seed Characters: Female Deputy | Judge (Far Cry), Nick Rye, Kim Rye, Jacob Seed, Faith Seed, Sharky Boshaw, John Seed, Joseph Seed, Hurk Drubman Jr., Adelaide Drubman, Wheaty (Far Cry) Additional Tags: Garden of Eatin' AU, diner au, Headcanon, first up: trivia night, Alternate Universe - No Eden's Gate Cult Summary:

The Seeds have moved to Hope County and set up a new diner called Garden of Eatin' across from Rook's sandwich shop, much to her endless displeasure.

(Or, an AU in which the Seeds are mostly normal and have come to Hope County to start anew. This will encapsulate both headcanons of the AU and short chapters based on the headcanons.)

[papa-rhys]

Rivals: Part 1 (AU Jacob Seed X f!Deputy)

Note: I fell in love with this Diner AU that @marymay-fairgrave came up with and I had to write something for it! Enjoy!

Summary: Rook - a retired cop on a quest to annoy the Seed family - thought it’d be fun to spend her extra retirement money on opening a sandwich shop to rival the Seeds’ bustling diner. Falling for the diner’s chef along the way was just an accident, though.

Word count: 1819

Warnings: Cuteness and a much happier Hope County

| Part 2 |  | Find more of my stuff here! |  | Spare any change? |

Joseph Seed may be a bit of an oddball, but there’s no denying that he runs a damn good diner.

The Garden of Eatin’ – an aptly named joint for a man of faith – is a quaint little place on the Holland Valley side of the Henbane river. It’s run by the Seed family; John Seed on greeting duty, with his pearly white smile and tendency to stare at customers a little too long; Jacob Seed in the kitchen, barbequing everything, including the salad; Faith Seed waitressing, batting those long eyelashes of hers and earning tips that border on extortion; and Joseph himself, running the operation from behind the scenes and lending his face to the posters and billboards that are plastered around the county. The business had been booming since the day it opened – with the beautiful surrounding scenery and the work ethic of the Seeds, they couldn’t have gone wrong. So when a retired deputy – nicknamed “Rook” by the locals – had the nerve to open a sandwich shop on the opposite side of the road, the Seeds were astonished.

The sandwich shop soon started raking in customers from all four corners of the county – including customers that held loyalty cards for The Garden of Eatin’. But if you’re feeling sorry for Joseph and his family of merry misfits, then don’t be. The residents of Hope County didn’t give up on the jolly little diner – to be quite honest, they couldn’t decide which they liked better, so instead of favouring one or the other, they alternated between the two and both businesses flourished in this quirky little county in Montana.

It’s 7 am – opening time for both the diner and the sandwich shop. Rook carries the sandwich board out into the street where it’ll sit for the remainder of the day, displaying the wide range of grub that’s on offer in her cute little shop. Placing it down on the pavement, Rook wipes the sweat from her brow and takes a step back to make sure the sandwich board is perfectly placed.

“You still selling those cheap-ass sandwiches?” Jacob Seed calls from the other side of the street; his jacket draped over one arm as he unlocks the door of the diner. He’s always first to arrive in the mornings and last to leave at night. Rook figures he’s more dependable than John or Faith, and Joseph must think so, too.

“You still burnin’ everything your customers order?” Rook asks in response, folding her arms across her chest.

Jacob gives her a wide grin. “You should visit my kitchen sometime. I’ll show ya how to fix up a real meal.”

“I’ll pass on that one, thanks,” Rook smiles. “I like my food without the metal tray stuck to the bottom of it.”

Jacob chuckles and shakes his head as Faith and John arrive from around the corner for the start of their shifts.

“Stop flirting,” Faith yells from a few metres down the sidewalk, earning a smile from John who walks beside her with his hands shoved into his pockets. As always, he looks like he just rolled out of bed – his hair tousled and his eyes complemented by circles in a lovely shade of purple underneath them. Rook knows two things about John Seed. Number one is that he’s fun to mess with, and number two is that he is not a morning person. Rook often wonders if Joseph opens the diner early purposely so that John has to get up at the crack of dawn. If her suspicions are correct, then Rook likes Joseph’s sense of humour.

“Pfft,” Jacob scoffs. “Who’s flirting?”

“You are,” Faith laughs, lightly smacking him on the shoulder as she and John reach the door. “Now go inside and get the grill on before I tell Joseph that you’re flirting with our business rival during work hours.”

Jacob turns a light shade of pink and Rook watches with a smile as he disappears into the diner. Faith steps aside to let John enter the building before giving Rook a friendly wave and heading inside.

Rook rolls up her sleeves and heads into the shop, turning the sign around to display “open” on her way past.

“Howdy, partner,” Nick Rye beams as he enters the sandwich shop; the bell tinkling above the door as he steps through it. 

It’s lunchtime - usually the busiest time of the day for Rook, but things are going slower today, which Rook is thankful for after a late night of filling orders.

“Hey, Nick,” Rook smiles, wrapping up a BLT and handing it to Adelaide Drubman over the counter. Adelaide takes her sandwich with a smile and leaves the shop, winking at Nick on the way past. Nick watches her leave and looks at Rook to make sure she saw the not-so-subtle wink.

“What can I getcha?” Rook asks as Nick approaches the counter.

“I actually came in to ask ya somethin’ – nothin’ important, don’t worry – but I’ll take a pulled pork with a large side of fries when you’re ready.”

Rook nods. “So much for the diet,” she smiles, raising her eyebrow at Nick as he takes a seat next to the counter.

“What Kim don’t know won’t hurt her,” he says, picking up a menu and casually flicking through it whilst he waits.

“I dunno why you need to go on a diet anyway. You don’t look a pound over 250.”

“Har har,” Nick says, rolling his eyes. “I need to lose the extra weight I gained durin’ the pregnancy.”

“Nick, you know you weren’t the one that was pregnant, right?”

“I stress eat, okay? Expectin’ a baby is tough for dads, too.”

Rook shakes her head and chuckles, squeezing down his sandwich and cutting it into two halves. As she places it onto a plate and shovels a portion of fries onto the side, the bell above the door rings again. Sliding Nick’s plate over to him, Rook looks up to find Jacob wandering up to the counter with his signature swagger. She pulls her hair, tightening her ponytail. “What did you wanna ask me, Nick?” she asks, purposely ignoring Jacob as he comes to a stop on the other side of the counter.

“Huh?” Nick asks, tearing his eyes away from his food. “Oh, nothin’ that can’t wait. It looks like you’re busy now, anyways.” He gives Rook a smirk and tucks into his sandwich.

Rook turns to Jacob, who still towers over the counter despite it being raised from the shop floor.

“Can I help you, Jacob?” she asks. “I pin you as a sloppy joe kinda guy.”

“I’d rather eat my own toenails than eat any of these soggy abominations,” he says.

“Better than watery mac ‘n’ cheese,” Nick chimes in; his mouth full of fries.

“Don’t talk with your mouthful,” Rook tells him with a half-smile.

“Change the record, Rye,” Jacob says, rolling his eyes. “I notice you didn’t mention in that shitty little review of yours that you finished the entire plate.”

“I was hungry… that don’t mean the food was good.”

Jacob opens his mouth to speak, but Rook interjects. “Now, now, boys. Play nicely,” she smiles, turning to Jacob. “What brings you into my humble sandwich shop if not the sandwiches?”

“Ain’t it obvious?” Nick asks. “He clearly has a crush on –“ Rook shoots him a warning look and he swallows his mouthful of sandwich with a hard gulp. “I think I’ll, uh… I think I’ll go sit by the window,” Nick says, grabbing his plate and sliding out of his seat before making his way to a table next to the window.

“I just came in to see if you got any ketchup we could have,” Jacob says, choosing to ignore Nick’s comment. “We ran outta ours and we don’t got another delivery until Monday. We’ll pay ya for it, obviously.”

“Sure. I got some bottles in the back, I’ll go get ‘em for ya.”

“Thanks, darlin’.”

Rook smiles at the words, throwing her towel over her shoulder and heading into the storeroom. After a few moments of rummaging around amongst boxes of napkins and sandwich wrappers, Rook emerges from the room hauling a huge cardboard box filled with bottles of ketchup. She struggles to see over the top of it and Jacob opens the hatch of the counter and takes the box from her.

“Will that be enough?” Rook asks, straightening out her apron.

“Oh yeah, this’ll be more than enough,” he assures her. “There was another thing I wanted to ask ya,” he adds. Rook leans against the counter and waits for him to speak. “I was wonderin’ if you wanted to grab a drink sometime? Maybe even tonight, after you close up? The Spread Eagle are havin’ a discount night and I thought we could…”

“I’d love to,” Rook smiles, watching Nick smirk out of the corner of her eye.

“Great,” Jacob says, hitching up the box under his arm with the cutest grin Rook has ever seen on a guy of his size. “I’ll stop by after I lock up and we’ll head down there.”

“Sounds good.”

Jacob’s gaze lingers on Rook for a few moments before he snaps out of his trance. “Right, I better get goin’. I got food to cook.”

“If you could even call it “food”,” Rook teases.

“It’s a damn sight better than the wet bread you sell in here,” Jacob chuckles, making his way towards the door.

“At least wet bread is edible!” Rook calls after him as he steps out into the street, the door swinging shut behind him. As she watches him cross the road and disappear into the diner, Nick slides into her field of view.

“The ex-solider and the ex-cop, huh?” he says, watching the diner door close. “A match made in heaven.”

“Enjoy your meal?” Rook asks him, nodding towards a splodge of grease on his shirt.

“Oh yeah,” he says, rubbing at the stain. “Listen, I ain’t got any cash on me, so could ya put in on my tab?”

“Nick, your tab is as long as my leg. You’re gonna need to re-mortgage your house to pay it off.”

“Oh, c’mon, Rook. For me?” He gives her a cheesy smile and Rook blinks at him. “Fine,” he says, pulling a crumpled 10-dollar bill from the pocket of his jeans and flattening it out on the counter. “Keep the change, partner,” he says, stifling a burp. “I’ll see ya tomorrow. Enjoy your date with Mr Mac ‘n’ cheese Aficionado over there,” he says, heading for the door. He steps aside to let a customer through the door, tipping his hat to them before leaving the shop.

Rook steps back behind the counter and closes the hatch, taking the 10-dollar bill and sliding it into the register. “Howdy. What can I getcha?” she smiles as the next customer stands before her.

[agathaarts]

Kinda older art but there’s enough of it that I feel like it’s worth posting - so my big 80′s Cartoon Universe MotU AU thing that has no good name does, inevitably, involve...ponies. Small horses. Taking cues from @jayrockin‘s Tiny Sapient Ungulate designs, the, uh, horse crew of my universe’s MLP? At least, the ones active when the main story takes place elsewhere in the universe and they eventually run into each other. Equestria is so far removed from most of the cosmos due to Celestia and Luna basically looking at the oncoming Space Lich Horde and going “actually, fuck this” and moving a few solar systems around to hide themselves.

The “main characters” are your pretty standard group of adventuring heroic young adults tho.

Anyways info about the characters and some of the worldbuilding under the cut

Had a lot of fun basing these guys off some of my favorite earlier-gen ponies.

Moonstone - Doesn’t actually go adventuring! Mostly uses her prophetic powers to guide the other ponies to those who need them. Suffers from a curse that causes her to be asleep in sunlight and only awake at night.

Sundance - Incredibly magical “firstborn” (ie created through magical parthenogenesis) with a heroic streak and a knack for leadership. Sort of. She’s getting the hang of it! Learning to be a wizard.

Firefly - Went back to the OG Rainbow Dash and you all know how this works. Hotheaded, too fast for her own good, actually a direct royal descendant but doesn’t want people to know.

Clover - Mild-mannered and chilled-out hippie witch vibes with this one. Has basically druidcraft powers, and is able to communicate with plants and the like. Has flowers perpetually growing in their hair, somehow.

Sweetheart - Ah, the most incredible magic of all. Emotions! Namely, being an empath. And a psychic. Kind of a powerful one, actually. This is probably fine. Sweetheart is stylish and girly and can come across as a bit haughty but she’s fiercely loving and protective of her friends.

Patch - Patch’s vocabulary is about 50% just “yeup” or “nah”, being less inclined towards talking and more inclined towards either stoic quiet or kickin’ ass and eatin’ grass!

-

Also some family groupings! Because I had all these horse templates to mess with.

More on pony phylogeny later, but ponies generally aren’t divided into, like, “Unicorn” or “Pegasus” as species or sub-species, rather all Ponies just...are ponies with various magical morphisms (though like...you’re unlikely to find non-flying ponies living in floating sky cities or non-seaponies underwater for good reason) so most surface populations are pretty varied. enough magic can basically change one type of pony into another type in a pinch, though, even if it’s seldom permanent (unless it’s Ascension to Princehood but becoming a Prince/ss is. A whole different thing and that’s why some of these ponies look more like actual full size horses because if you have enough magic it’s like how axolotls can become salamanders. But it’s like. If Magical axolotl horse wizards could potential become full-grown horse wizards in the right scenario.)

Clover has two little siblings, Milkweed and Tumbleweed. Their mother, Ivy, is a “druid” in the sense of being a sort of nature guardian figure while Minty is a gardener.

Patch was born to dads Buttons and Bow - two tailors who used to be business rivals. You’d be amazed at how successful fashion designers can be even on a world where being naked is considered “casual”.

Sweetheart’s parents fill interesting roles due to their highly skilled and focused magic - Snuzzle (who you may recognize as a Twice As Fancy pony) is a powerful empath and psychic who actually attends to Princesses and Goddesses when needed, and Secret Admirer was presumably some sort of Bond-esque spy. I will not elaborate.

Sundance and her older “sister” Light Heart are both firstborn- aka ponies who don’t actually have parentage! Though whatever Goddess creates them presumably counts to some degree- these two were obviously crafted by Celestia, given their color schemes and solar nature. Ponies have pretty low population growth so occasional spontaneous abiogensis is just. A fact of life.

Firefly has three siblings, a powerfully magic royal mother, and her dad (with whom she shares a name) is a prince and effectively a demigod, being a Nightmare (a rare type of pony with magic that comes directly from the goddess Luna) and also ruling over one of the cloud-kingdoms with a heavy emphasis on moderating the weather. Everyone in this family is a super high achiever.

Also this means that Firefly’s gramma is an immortal ageless goddess of darkness and night but to Firefly she’s just Gam-gams! Sometimes your deity grandma comes to visit you in dreams and when you wake up there’s a butterscotch under your pillow.

There’s a lot of stuff because I went kinda overboard but uhhh making a MLP setting is fun and I highly suggest it if you ever want to combine cute soft little magical horses with thinking way too hard about the implications of a society that runs entirely off of incredible feats of magic where everyone can do at least one bizarre thing.

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Vol.9 Mukami Yuma [TRACK 1]

Original title: 北風に吹かれて

Source: Diabolik Lovers Daylight Vol. 9 Mukami Yuma

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Tatsuhisa Suzuki

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 + Epilogue

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 1: Hit by the Northern Wind

The wind blows harshly in the background.

*Rustle rustle*

[00:29] “Oi, Sow. Are you listening? I thought the situation was hopeless now that you’ve gone to a place far out of my reach, but I was wrong. If ya can no longer be by my side, I just gotta go to yer side instead, right? It’s easy. Whether it’s eternal life, or eternal death, eternal always means ‘forever’. It’s the exact same thing. What really matters is the fact that we are together. If we truly love one another, we have to be by each other’s side at all times.”

*Rustle*

[01:27] “Heave-hoh…Heh. You’re so light. For real. ーー Well then, let’s get goin’. In search of our ‘forever’…”

*Woosh*

A flashback starts.

[02:23] “Godー The wind’s crazy today. Couldn’t we have done our groceries some other day? …Che, it’s hard to walk with all of these darn bags. You’re carryin’ a few yerself so don’t trip, ‘kay?”

You say it’s because Yuma bought too much food.

“Hehe. Oh shut up! Nothin’ wrong with eatin’ the stuff ya like, is there?”

You question him. 

[02:54] “Ya love to call me out on the weirdest things, huh? Who says that Vampires can’t have a big appetite? Well, this amount should carry me over for quite some time. When it needs to be used up, we can just throw in some veggies from my garden and make a stew or pot-au-feu as well.”

You note that would be yummy. 

“It’s takin’ me blood, sweat and tears to grow those bad boys, ‘course it’s gonna be delicious! Ahー Borscht sounds nice as well. My red beets are outta this world!”

Yuma suddenly comes to a halt.

[03:30] “Oi, gimme those bags after all. I’ll carry them all.”

You shake your head.

“Look. Yer pace has been slowin’ down this whole time. The bags are heavy, aren’t they? I’ll carry them for ya.”

You hesitate.

“That’s what I offered to do from the very start, but ya refused to give in. A few bags extra barely makes a difference for me so don’t hold back.”

You hand him the bags.

*Rustle rustle*

“...There. Let’s go.”

The two of you continue walking again.

[04:12] “...Oh. Hey, something’s off ‘bout ya. Why are ya walkin’ so slow? Are ya tired or somethin’? Maybe I shouldn’t have let ya carry those heavy bags? It’s darn cold today as well.”

You look away.

“Don’t avert yer gaze. If ya wanna try and dodge the question, you’re gonna have to try a lil’ harder. Tell me what’s up. Don’t try lyin’ ‘cause ya don’t wanna bother me either.”

You admit to feeling a little sluggish. 

“Haah…I knew it. Ya gotta tell me that sorta stuff sooner!”

Yuma looks around.

[04:55] “Um…Is there anywhere we could rest up? Actually, there’s a park over there, isn’t there? There should be a few benches then. Follow me.”

*TIMESKIP*

You arrive at the park.

[05:39] “Come on. Take a seat here.”

You sit down on the bench.

“Haha! What a loud sigh! Ya must have been really exhausted.”

You nod.

“The cold takes its toll on the body after all. I remember sufferin’ quite a bit during winter back when I was still human as well. …Come on, lean ‘gainst me. It’ll make it a bit easier on ya, no?”

*Rustle*

[06:15] “...Hehe. Look at ya rubbin’ yer face ‘gainst me. Are ya a dog or somethin’?”

You chuckle. 

“Oh…There’s a vendin’ machine over there. I’ll go buy ya somethin’ hot to drink, ‘kay?”

Yuma gets up and starts walking away but you stop him.

*Rustle*

“Ah…Hah? What? Let go.”

You insist that it’s fine just sharing body warmth. 

“I’m warm? Whatcha goin’ on ‘bout? I’m a Vampire, remember?”

You pout.

[06:55] “Haha…Geez, fine then. God.”

He sits back down.

“Scoot a lil’ closer then. If it makes ya feel at ease, we can cuddle as much as ya want.”

*Rustle rustle*

“Mmh…Yeah. Perfect.”

You snuggle your cheek against him again.

“Hehe…Look at ya cravin’ affection…”

You yawn.

[07:30] “What? Ya gonna doze off like this? Oi, wake up…You’ll catch a cold.”

“Oh…Your eyes are watery. …Are ya temptin’ me, huh?”

You tilt your head to the side and frown. 

“Tsk. …How much an airhead can ya be? Ya don’t have to do anythin’ for yer scent to drive me absolutely crazy. Ahー …Haah…My fangs are achin’…”

*Rustle*

“Say…Ya don’t mind, do ya? Lemme have a lil’ sip.”

You protest.

[08:19] “Nobody watchin’, trust me…Besides, even if they were, nobody would even notice. They’d just assume we’re some couple gettin’ it on.”

You pout.

“That’s exactly the kind of expression which gets me goin’…I’m basically dyin’ to pounce ya….

*Sniff*

[08:48] “I’m gettin’ my fill of yer blood…”

You eventually give in.

“...’Kay. Good girl. Hah…”

Yuma bites you.

*Sluuuuurp*

“Ahーー It’s delicious, just as I thought…”

*Rustle*

*Sluuuuurp*

“Hah…Ahー The more I drink, the more I crave it…I can’t get enough…”

*Sluuuuurp*

[09:51] “...Say? How ‘bout ya? Can ya feel my fangs?”

You nod.

“No longer bothered by the cold, I bet?”

He takes in your scent.

“Let’s get even more heated…Mmh…”

*Sluuuuurp*

“Mmh…”

*Sluuuuurp*

*TIMESKIP*

*Rustle*

[11:00] “Hah…Nothin’ beats yer blood. It just melts on my tongue. …Oh. Oi. What’s wrong? Are ya alright?”

You admit to feeling faint.

“...Fuck! Did I suck too much? Don’t worry. I’ll make sure ya get home safely.”

He gets up.

[11:36] “Hop onto my back.”

You tilt your head to the side.

“I’m offerin’ to carry ya on my back. Ya can still crawl on there, right?”

*Rustle rustle*

“There we go. Now hang on tight, ‘kay?”

You say sorry. 

[11:56] “Idiot. I’m the one who got lost in the moment and sucked too much of yer blood, so don’t apologize. …Hm? Aren’t ya kinda lighter than usual?”

You frown.

“Oh well. You’ve always been a lightweight, so I guess it’s just my imagination.”

*Rustle*

“Come on, let’s go home.”

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[hottestthingalive]

continuation of this post but its roceit vibes in this chili’s tonight y’all

wodah roceit where they’re flirty dramatic little shits who are deeply insecure and they slowly graduate from a very flirty but loveless relationship where roman actually resents janus deeply and janus pushes everyone away to one where they’re still using some truly awful flirting but also deeply and truly understand each other and though they bond over their trauma they help each other heal from it. plus square dancing on bar tables as virgil and logan sigh at each other over drinks and remus and patton jam with the band. they’re my Dramatic Traumatized Gays and i love them

murder mystery au roceit where janus is Distinguished™ and lowkey highkey a prick but also has developed a tendency for sarcasm to mask his depression and abandonment issues and roman’s an actor from the city and works at bars or restaurants between gigs to afford his tiny apartment and thinks janus is a stuck-up asshole and they fight all the time and eventually someone (probably virgil) opens a door to a hallway, sees them making out, and shuts it like “About fucking time.” when working together they make an insanely good team and once they start to understand each other they actually agree on a lot and are endgame sweet teasing gays who probably try to cook together and end up with burned water and food everywhere and laughing hysterically

roses roceit where they’re oblivious dumbasses and needed everyone else in the whole damn mindscape to set them up on a date before they finally went “hey wait you’re pining? i’m pining!” and are gardening sweet softness who love each other and are sweet and hold hands a lot and have quiet picnics and watch the sunrise as dates and <3 <3 <3

(bonus immortal sides au roceit where they’re the oblivious himbo and his clever but ultimately also a dumbass partner who just love all of their partners very very much and rant together about how cute the others are while patton logan and virgil are just going “can you see yourselves? can you see it? you fluffy lollipop cotton candy kittens and puppies gays-”)

(bonus thunderstorms and stars au roceit where they really just be lovin’ their partner patton and roman is a fiction writer and janus thinks hir partners are the best thing since sliced bread even as ze is sighing as ze bails them out of whatever situation they’ve gotten into. roman and janus are sundress and sundaes gays who adore patton in this au and patton is standing nearby in the most garish of hawaiian shirts eatin a snowcone and loving his partners right back)

just

them

[naschkater-com]

Der Coranavirus nähert sich Deutschland. Laut Bundesgesundheitsminister Jens Spahn ist in den nächsten Wochen in Deutschland mit einer Pandemie zu rechnen, in deren Folge sich Millionen Menschen mit dem neuartigen Grippevirus Covid-19 infizieren und erkranken werden. Das bedeutet nicht, dass wir alle sterben – schließlich zieht jedes Winterhalbjahr ein Grippevirus über Deutschland hinweg. Aber die Mortalität liegt beim Coronavirus höher als bei der normalen Grippe, nämlich bei geschätzten 0,5-1,5%. Von 100 Erkrankten stirbt im Durchschnitt einer – das ist schon hoch. Besonders gefährdet sind vor allem Personen mit einem schwächeren Immunsystem, also Kleinkinder, ältere, behinderte oder kranke Menschen.

Dazu kommt, dass es in Folge der Erkrankung großer Bevölkerungsteile, in deren Folge viele Arbeiten liegen bleiben, in Kombination mit übertriebenen Hamster- und Panikkäufen zu Engpässen bei bestimmten Produkten oder gar zu einer Versorgungskrise kommen kann. (Umgekehrt gibt das dem Handel und den Herstellern besonders gefragter Waren sicherlich einen ökonomischen Schub). Danke des Coronavirus schlägt jetzt die Stunde der Prepper und Horder! Endlich werden ihre Planungen und die vielen eingelagerten Waren wertgeschätzt! Meine Hinweise zur Vorsorge beziehen sich aber weniger auf den Weltuntergang als auf die Situation, dass man bei Quarantäne oder Erkrankung längere Zeit isoliert leben muss und deshalb alles Notwendige zuhause haben sollte.

Coronavirus: Diese Süßwaren und Snacks sollte ihr jetzt ausreichend zu Hause haben

Manch einer denkt jetzt vielleicht, Süßwaren und Snacks sind in einer Krisensituation nicht so wichtig wie Grundnahrungsmittel. Aber das ist ein Denkfehler: Gerade portionsweise verpackte, lange haltbare Genussmittel mit vielen Kalorien sind hilfreich, wenn man für längere Zeit nicht mehr die Wohnung verlassen kann, weil man zum Beispiel erkrankt ist oder isoliert werden muss. Das Bundesamt für Bevölkerungsschutz und Katastrophenhilfe hat eine Liste mit Dingen zusammen gestellt, die man zuhause haben sollte. Um mindestens eine und maximal vier Wochen allein zuhause überbrücken zu können, empfehle ich darüber hinaus, rechtzeitig folgende Süßwaren und Snacks einzulagern, weil sie…

… portionsweise hygienisch verpackt,

lange haltbar und

kalt verzehrfertig sind.

Und weil sie eine psychisch herausfordernde Situation mit Genuss, Freude und Lebensqualität erträglicher machen.

Meine Produktempfehlungen:

Müsliriegel: liefern Energie, Ballaststoffe, geschmackliche Abwechslung

Nuss-Frucht-Mischungen: liefert Energie, gute Fette und Vitamine, Beschäftigung durch Knabbern

Chips & Brotchips: liefern Fett und Salz, geschmackliche Abwechslung

Cracker: wie Chips, können aber mit Aufschnitt oder Käse belegt werden

Zwieback: wie Cracker, nur süß, kann mit Marmelade, Nutella oder Honig bestrichen werden.

Salzstangen: liefern Salz, wirken beruhigend auf Magen bei Durchfall, Zeitvertreib durch Knabbern

Kekse: in kleinen Einzelportionen: liefern Energie und Abwechslung, kleine Belohnungen für Kinder

Schokolade: liefert Energie und wirkt stimmungsaufhellend, mögliches Geschenk oder Tauschmittel

Haltbarer Fertigkuchen: Energie- und Fettlieferant, Highlight für besondere Anlässe.

Kaugummi: ermöglicht Stressabbau und bietet zum Teil Extranutzen wie frischen Atem, Zahnpflege ohne Wasser, Koffein

Hustenbonbons: lindern Erkältungsbeschwerden

Beispiele für empfehlenswerte Süßwaren und Snacks bei einer Coronavirus-Krise

Schock’s Nussmix Cranberry Less Sugar Müsliriegel Vegan Glutenfrei Lactosefrei

Einer der wenigen ernst zu nehmenden Mitbewerber von Corny: Kölln Müsli-Riegel mit Schoko-Banane-Geschmack.

Aldi Knusperone Hafer-Riegel Plus Mandel-Karamell-Riegel mit 50% Vollkornanteil 4×35 Gramm

Viba Cranberry-Aronia und Sahne-Krokant-Schnitten Riegel

Royal Army Switzerland Schokoriegel Überlebensration mit Koffein und Guarana 50 Gramm

Ein ganz alter Klassiker (noch vor dem Krieg erfunden): Scho-oko-Kola, die Fliegerschokolade mit Koffein in der retro-esken Runddose. Die “Energie-Schokolade” enthält 1,6% echtes Kolanusspulver.

Airmen-Beans – wird ähnlich wie Scho-Ka-Kola und der Royal Army Schokoriegel als eine Art Proviant für Piloten, Wanderer und andere Extremsportler vergangener Zeiten vermarktet.

Schwarze Herrentäfelchen Edelbitter

Mondelez Opavia Fidorka Himbeere-Weiße Schokolade-Kokos-Haselnuss

Cakees Apfel-Kuchen American Style Apple Pie 500 Gramm Fertigkuchen2007

Brandt Mini ohne Zuckerzusatz 95 Gramm

Farm Brothers Biokekse Dark Chocolate+Sea Salt

Coppenrath Vegan Bakery Mini-Spekulatius Gewürz Kekse

Lorenz Saltletts PausenCracker mit Chia- Lein- und Sesamsamen mit Meersalz

Selbst der biedere TUC-Cracker von LU kommt saisonal mit Bacon-Geschmack (und Paprika) daher. Wird dadurch aber auch irgendwie nicht kultiger.

Wasa Delicate thin crackers Black+Green olives

Soletta ist in Österreich Marktführer für salzige Snacks, insbesondere Salzstangen. Jetzt bringt er auch Cracker mit Mickey Maus-Motiven heraus.

Brotchips oder Cracker? Käxxi Protein Kräcker Lowcarb 10% Kohlenhydrate 39% Eiweiß

Lidl SnackDay Mini-Brotchips Sauerrahm-Zwiebel-Geschmack 250 Gramm

Burts Kartoffelchips Firecracker Lobster 40 Gramm

Garden of Eatin Yellow Chips Corn Tortilla Chips 453 Gramm

KiMs Jörgens Favorit Mix Chipsmix

Kartoffelchips THQ VIETNAM Curry Chicken Snacks 45gr

Wrigley’s Airwaves Koffein Frucht-Kaugummi und Minz-Kaugummi

Außerdem möchte ich den Leserinnen und Lesern meines Blogs noch drei wichtige Verhaltensregeln auf den Weg geben:

Schützt euch erstens durch Vermeidung größerer Menschenansammlungen und zweitens durch angemessene Vorsorge vor einer Infektion, zum Beispiel durch den intensiven Gebrauch von Handdesinfektionsmitteln. Am besten erstmal niemanden mehr die Hände schütteln, auch wenn man das aus der Gewohnheit heraus machen möchte. Falls doch, dann nach jedem Händekontakt und nach Kontakt mit Haltegriffen in Bus oder U-Bahn etc. desinfizieren. Dazu immer die kleinen Kunststofffläschchen dabei haben. Zur Not tut es auch hochprozentiger Alkohol, den ihr einfach in kleinere Fläschchen umfüllen könnt, falls Desinfektionszeugs gerade ausverkauft sein sollte. Zuhause immer gründlich Hände waschen und vermeidet es grundsätzlich, mit den Fingern das Gesicht und insbesondere Mund, Nase oder Augen zu berühren, denn über die Schleimhäute kann der Virus eindringen. Es gilt alles, was bei einer normalen Erkältung zu beachten ist: Bitte nicht in die Hand nießen, sondern in die Armbeuge und schön weiter alles desinfizieren! Einwegtaschentücher verwenden und gleich nach dem Gebrauch wegschmeißen.

Mein erster persönlicher Tipp: Statt mit Bargeld lieber kontaktlos mit Karte bezahlen, denn an Geld bleibt der Virus auch haften.

Mein zweiter persönlicher Tipp: Besorgt euch Gummihandschuhe (z. B. bei Lidl 100 Stück für 5 €) und schützt eure hauptsächlich verwendete Hand (bei Rechtshändern die rechte) außerhalb der Wohnung damit. Mit der geschützten Hand öffnet ihr Türen, bedient Fahrstuhlknöpfe und so weiter. Die andere nehmt ihr, um damit das Handy zu bedienen oder an der Nase zu kratzen, wenn sie juckt. Damit reduziert ihr die Gefahr, eine Virus aus der Umgebung in die Schleimhäute zu reiben. Gewöhnt euch daran: Eine Hand für die Umwelt (geschützt), eine Hand für mich! Der Handschuh erinnert euch daran. Nach der Fahrt zieht ihr ihn ab und entsorgt ihn im Mülleimer. Ausgiebiges Händewaschen (mind. 20 Sekunden) und Desinfizieren danach nicht vergessen!

Übrigens habe ich im Zusammenhang mit dem Coronavirus und der Süßwarenmesse bereits über hübsch gestalteten Mundschutz geschrieben. 

Coronavirus: Diese Süßigkeiten und Snacks können Dein Leben retten Der Coranavirus nähert sich Deutschland. Laut Bundesgesundheitsminister Jens Spahn ist in den nächsten Wochen in Deutschland mit einer Pandemie zu rechnen, in deren Folge sich Millionen Menschen mit dem neuartigen Grippevirus…

[ao3feed-farcry]

by fairgraves

The Seeds have moved to Hope County and set up a new diner called Garden of Eatin' across from Rook's sandwich shop, much to her endless displeasure.

(Or, an AU in which the Seeds are mostly normal and have come to Hope County to start anew. This will encapsulate both headcanons of the AU and short chapters based on the headcanons.)

Words: 3092, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Far Cry 5

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Gen, F/M

Characters: Female Deputy | Judge (Far Cry), Nick Rye, Kim Rye, Jacob Seed, Faith Seed, Sharky Boshaw, John Seed, Joseph Seed, Hurk Drubman Jr., Adelaide Drubman, Wheaty (Far Cry)

Relationships: Female Deputy | Judge & Jacob Seed, Jacob Seed/Original Female Character(s), Deputy | Judge & Jacob Seed

Additional Tags: Garden of Eatin' AU, diner au, Headcanon, first up: trivia night, Alternate Universe - No Eden's Gate Cult

[marymay-fairgrave]

au where...

Joseph owns a diner called Garden of Eatin’. It’s a family business so:

John greets and seats customers who, after he’s gone, ask each other, “Was it just me or was he really creepy?”

Faith is the waitress who dupes people into giving really good tips - Sharky gave her a $20 tip on a five dollar order once

Jacob is the cook (so you better not send his food back - or else)

Nick Rye is a former customer who leaves a bad yelp review about the watery mac n’ cheese

The Deputy opens a diner across the street just to fuck with the Seeds

ETA: It’s written and on Ao3

[papa-rhys]

Rivals: Part 2 (AU Jacob Seed X f!Deputy)

Note: Here’s part two to the diner AU by @marymay-fairgrave !! I have one more part of this left after this one (bc this AU is a Godsend). Enjoy!

Summary: After a hard day’s work in their respective establishments, Rook and Jacob go on their date to the Spread Eagle for a chance to unwind.

Word count: 1681

Warnings: None that I can think of!

| Part 1 |  | Find more of my stuff here! |  | Spare any change? |

Rook throws her apron over the hook on the back of the storeroom door before flipping the light switch off and pulling the door shut. It’s closing time and any minute now, Jacob will show up in the doorway to whisk her away on a romantic date. Well, maybe Rook is getting a little ahead of herself. It’s only a few drinks at the Spread Eagle – hardly a candle-lit dinner at the Ritz. But she’d had chemistry with Jacob for a long time, now, so she’ll be glad of the company, no matter where they go.

She grabs her keys from behind the counter just as Jacob enters the shop. “You ready to go, darlin’?” he asks, standing in the middle of the shop floor with his hands stuffed to the bottom of his jacket pockets.

“Yeah,” Rook smiles, looking around the room. “I think I remembered everythin’.”

“Great,” Jacob beams. “We can take my truck.”

Rook watches out the passenger window as the truck nears Fall’s End; her favourite place in the entire county, filled with happy people and good beer – just the way a small town should be.

“Looks like some folks had the same idea,” Jacob says, looking at the 10+ parked cars that sit outside the bar as he pulls up.

“You still wanna go in?” Rook asks, watching Jacob as he nervously surveys the cluster of vehicles. “I know you ain’t too good with crowds. We can go somewhere else if you want?”

He keeps looking out the window at the cars. “Nah, I’m good. I said I’d take you out for a drink, so that’s what I’m gonna do. Besides, my shrink says I gotta practice uncomfortable situations.”

“There’s other bars –“

“But you like this one,” he says, recalling a conversation she’d had with him months ago, in which she’d cooed over the fairy lights that hang over the porch of the bar and praised the Fairgrave family for being so inviting and hospitable.

Slightly shocked, but equally pleased that he remembered that conversation, Rook smiles. “Okay, but if you wanna leave at any point, then just let me know, alright?”

Jacob pulls his gaze away from the parked cars to look at Rook, finding her looking back at him with a concerned look across her face. Her features are beautifully lit up by the fairy lights that she loves oh-so-much and a warmth floods into Jacob’s chest as he looks at her. He looks at her until the concerned look is replaced with a smile – a smile that he returns for a moment before opening his door and hopping out of the truck. Rook does the same, planting her feet firmly onto the asphalt and shoving the truck door shut.

Inside the bar, the air is warm from the number of bodies that fill the space. The lights are dim and the bar is filled with smoke that rises to the ceiling and swims around the light fixtures. People are everywhere; all drinking various brands of beer and laughing with their friends and colleagues, and even Rook is a little overwhelmed by the lack of breathing room.

“I ain’t seen this place so busy since Mrs Fairgrave had her baby shower back when she was expectin’ Drew,” Rook remarks to Jacob as the two of them inch their way through the bustling crowd. “And that was fuckin’ years ago,” she adds.

They reach the bar and are greeted by Mary May – the oldest child of the Fairgrave family; although Rook doesn’t see much of a child in front of her anymore. “Hey, Mary,” Rook smiles, watching Mary May pop the cap off a beer bottle and hand it over the bar to a customer. “Where’s your pops?”

“Howdy, Rook. Daddy’s out pickin’ up some extra beer glasses. We had no idea it was gonna get so busy. I’m coverin’ for him until he gets back.”

“Well you look like a natural,” Rook says. “I’ll have a bottle of Beaver whenever you get the chance, doll.” She looks to Jacob and it takes him a few moments to realise that they’re waiting for his order. He’s blatantly struggling, but Rook thinks he seemed pretty adamant on drinking here, so she decides not to bother bringing the subject up again.

“Oh, right,” he says, jolting forward with the force of the realisation. “I’ll have a shot of McHelen.” Mary May nods and reaches up to the top shelf for a bottle of scotch. Jacob looks around the room, nervously; a bead of sweat forming on his brow. “Actually, darlin’, I’ll just take the whole bottle.”

“Are you – are you sure?” Mary May asks. Jacob nods and she places the bottle on the bar.

“You doin’ okay?” Rook asks Jacob, placing her hand on his back.

“Yeah,” he says – although he flinches at her touch. “But maybe we should sit outside?”

“Yeah, sure,” Rook agrees as Jacob pulls out his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. “You got find us a table and I’ll bring the drinks out. We’ll take those to go, Mary,” she says as Jacob hands her a handful of bills and begins pushing his way towards the exit.

Mary May pulls up a tray from behind the bar and begins loading the bottles onto it, accompanied by two glasses. “I don’t think he’ll be usin’ a glass with the state he’s in, but I’ll give him one anyway,” she says, pushing the tray towards Rook.

“He’s just havin’ a rough time with the crowds,” Rook tells her, handing over the bills. “You keep the change for yourself, sweetheart. Don’t let your pops see a single penny of it.” She picks up the tray as Mary May looks down at the notes with a smile. “And you tell him from me that he better be payin’ you a fair wage if he’s gonna be workin’ you to the bone like this,” Rook adds with a smile.

Mary May grins. “Thanks, Rook,” she says, turning to the cash register as Rook squeezes through the crowd with the tray of drinks.

Outside, the night air is cool and the only sound – other than the muffled music and voices from inside – is the sound of the crickets chirping away in the nearby field. Rook finds Jacob sat at a table for two at the end of the porch and wanders over, setting the tray of drinks down on the table.

“You’re a star,” Jacob tells her as he pulls the stop out of the bottle of scotch and swigs it straight from the bottle.

“You best go easy on that stuff,” she chuckles. “That’s a big-ass bottle and now the Fairgraves think I hang around with alcoholics.”

Jacob swallows a gulp and sets the bottle down on the table again, resting his arm on the table and keeping his hand wrapped around the bottom of the bottle. “Wasn’t your pops an alcoholic?” he asks. Rook looks down at her beer bottle. “Ah shit, I’m sorry,” Jacob says, raising a hand to his face. “Scotch makes me stupid.”

“You’ve only just taken a swig of it,” Rook chuckles.

“Yeah you’re right. I’m plenty stupid without it.”

“I think you’re a lot of things, but I don’t reckon you’re stupid.”

The two look at each other for a moment, caught up in each other’s smile.

“So,” Rook starts, shaking her head and freeing herself from her trance. “Does your family know about our little out of hours meet-up?”

“John knows. He figured it out after he watched us through the diner window when I stopped by for the ketchup. You know what he’s like; always starin’ at someone.”

“Oh, he’s gonna tell everyone,” Rook smiles.

“Yup, most likely,” Jacob agrees, smiling into his bottle of scotch as he takes a sip.

“I’ll look forward to the whole town knowin’ about it by tomorrow mornin’.”

“You might not have to wait that long,” Jacob says, nodding towards Nick and Kim Rye, who walk towards the bar hand-in-hand; Nick’s coat draped over Kim’s shoulders to protect her from the evening chill.

“There’s the county’s new power couple,” Nick bellows happily as they approach the table.

“Hey, Kim,” Rook nods.

“What’s goin’ on?” Kim asks, a puzzled look on her face. “Am I missing something?”

“Haven’t you heard?” Jacob smiles. “Me ‘n’ Rook are gunnin’ for your place as the county’s newest newly-weds.”

Nick looks back and forth between Rook and Jacob; rendered speechless for a full 10 seconds before Rook puts him out of his misery. “He’s joking,” she says. “Oh God, Nick, he’s joking.”

Nick breathes a sigh of relief as the others share a chuckle at his expense, but although it’s all fun and games, Rook can’t help but like the sound of Jacob referring to the two of them as a pair – two halves of a whole, so to speak. And the fact that a relationship between the two of them has crossed his mind sends her gut fluttering.

“We should head inside,” Kim says, tugging at Nick’s arm. “We could only get a babysitter for two hours, so we best make the most of it.”

The two couples say their goodbyes and wish each other a nice evening before the Ryes head inside, leaving Jacob and Rook in peace.

“They’re a nice couple,” Jacob says, raising his bottle to his lips. “Even if Nick doesn’t know good mac ‘n’ cheese when he sees it.”

“Actually, I’ve seen your mac ‘n’ cheese first hand and I think Nick was being pretty generous with that review.”

“Oh, really? When have you ever been in my kitchen?”

“I get around,” Rook shrugs. “I wouldn’t be a very good rival if I didn’t spy on you guys from time-to-time.”

“And you think you could do better?”

“Better than a bowl of undercooked pasta vegetatin’ in luke-warm water? Hell yeah, I could.”

“You wanna make a wager?” Jacob asks, leaning forward in his seat.

“Sure thing.”

“Alright,” Jacob says, rising to his feet.

“What’re you doin’” Rook asks as Jacob grabs hold of her hand and pulls her out of her chair.

“We’re gonna see if you can cook.”

“That’s rich comin’ from someone who grills salad,” she giggles, stepping off the porch and following him to the truck; her hand still held in his. 

[marymay-fairgrave]

Hi I love your Garden of Eatin' AU and was wondering if you have any more Joseph and/or Joseph x Deputy headcanons for that AU? Thanks

Anon, this ask just makes me so happy. Thank you! I don’t really ship Joseph/Deputy, so let me think on that one and I promise I’ll post a headcanon at some point if I come up with the perfect one (I don’t want to get it “wrong”). But here are a few I have of Joseph!

Mary-May over at the Spread Eagle hosts a bi-weekly trivia contest. Joseph created his own team and it includes his brothers, Faith, and Nancy from the local Sheriff’s office. They go up against the Deputy, Nick and Kim Rye, Jess Black, and Larry Parker. Joseph’s team is best at answering questions about religion, military history, and music.

Joseph is unbelievably patient with the kooks from Hope County. He listens to Zip Kupka’s conspiracy theories about the lack of baby animals in the forest when he sees him around town and was the first person to sign up for Zip’s newsletter. He is also friendly with Larry Parker and inquires about Anne when he sees him at the Spread Eagle. Although he’d never admit it, he’s pretty sure Anne is a made up girlfriend.

Joseph personally delivers Ms. Mable’s meals when she orders from Garden of Eatin’ despite the fact that Garden of Eatin’ is a diner, not a frigging Meals on Wheels. John asked why he bothered and Joseph told him that she was old, she had pushed everyone away, and he felt bad for her. John reminds him she pushed everyone away because she’s a horrible human being to which Joseph responded, “Even mean old broads deserve to eat, John.”

John was shocked that Joseph had even called Ms. Mable mean, to be honest.

[marymay-fairgrave]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out or shown support for my Garden of Eatin’ AU. They are only headcanons but so many people have been so nice about them (writing comments in tags! liking or reblogging the post! sending me messages!) and that’s really been so, so heartwarming to me. gross who uses heartwarming in a sentence? Thank you!!! 

And I just thought of a really good opening for the fic! I just hope that I can write it the way it is in my head because ooh boy do I love it. keep me in your thoughts and prayers. 

[marymay-fairgrave]

Frick

I forgot about FC5 week and I’m totally bummed.

Can someone please motivate me to finish my WIPs? I’ve got a soulmate au John one; a Garden of Eatin’ one shot centered on Rook/Jacob and includes Faith; a New Eden fic with Joseph and the Judge right after they get out of the bunker; a Lawyer!John no cult au fic (which in terms of storyline I’m super excited about and I cannot believe no one has written yet); a continuation of my fic “the place you need to reach”; and at least one other but I’m drawing a blank. I have too many WIPs, I have little to no motivation, and I’m awake at 1:30 in the morning when I have to get up by 6:45 am and am both tired and wide awake at the same time. 😒🙄😟