#genuinely have neck problems for life because of how bad it gets. it takes so much willpower not to do the little movements.

[nocherryblood]

Does anyone else ever unmask in private, then guilt themselves for, according to your brain, being "too extreme" with how you act when you're alone? Basically getting imposter syndrome for something you're already professionally diagnosed with because you did the thing that the professional said would help you feel less stressed?

[skrunksthatwunk]

playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there

[chaifootsteps]

need the fandom to understand that 'character who is the soft one who cries is not equal to the character who is in the right'

it makes sense for a show that's primed it's audience to think abuse is just limited to obvious cruelty and insults (but only when the show says it counts, HB cared about Blitzo being a jerk to Moxxie for all of one conversation) but it's frustrating to see this show touted as 'sooo deep' when it could have done a lot more to show the different types of manipulation and abuse with the material it already has

like, a character that's soft and weepy and constantly rewrites reality to favor himself? that's A grade PSA material for how abusers don't always look like Stella or Crimson and make their targets feel like they're the ones who are crazy or in the wrong

Oh yeah, and for the contingent who says Stolas would be treated way more sympathetically if he was a woman - I kind of doubt it, personally. I think a character like Stolas if he was genderswapped would be judged far more harshly for what he does in the Stol/tz storyline, not less

like the audience would probably jump to 'he reminds me of my mom/girlfriend/other female friend who also uses crying and looking pathetic to get people to take her side despite treating me like dirt', 'this or that trait is such a narcissistic thing to do'.

the show already expects its audience to treat the female characters with way more scrutiny and suspicion after all, but I feel like people are more inclined to recognize the figure of the 'narcissistic woman who's only emotional reality is her own' or the image of 'mom who neglects kid for new beau' than they are when it's a male character

and that's not a bad thing, to be clear! it's good the fandom can recognize abusive behaviors in women, probably most often their mothers (though it is disturbing how little they can acknowledge the emotional landscape of the female characters - there's any number of reasons for Stella to feel disenchanted with her life and the fandom cares about none of them)

the problem is they can't extend that logic to Stolas. they can't see how Sad Owl Twink is distorting reality around his relationship with Blitzo and refusing to treat him like a person, or how he's a subpar dad to Via. it feels like the bar for male characters is being set way lower as long as there's a convenient excuse. and it seems part of the reason is more than just Stolas being male, since logically Blitzo wouldn't be getting it in the neck from Stolas fans so much

it seems like it's also because they seem him as soft and harmless that on top of the extra credit male characters get for doing nothing, they've decided he can do no harm. men already deserve a medal for being connected to their emotions, so if Stolas appears soft and sensitive it means he can't possible be abusive or neglectful at the same time. which is just not true

sorry if this is rambling, kinda thinking out loud

Thank you for sharing these thoughts aloud. It's absolutely true...Viv and her fandom seem to have it in their heads that abuse looks like screaming and insults, that sexual abuse looks like being held down (also that it doesn't count if you "get away,") and that is so, so unbelievably dangerous it genuinely chills the blood. It's going to get someone hurt.

[sheloveshp]

Heartbreak - Hermione G.

(pt.1)

Hermione Granger x fem!reader

summary: how you and Hermione grangers relationship came to be about before it all came crashing down before you knew.

a/n: light smut/ multiple chapt prob./ felt like this was all over the place ngl :( also not proofread. pls send requests.

masterlist

Hermione and you are no Strangers to each other.

You and Hermione were often at eachothers necks, bickering and fighting. Some days are better, some days are worst. You and her didn’t want to admit it but after a few months, you began enjoying eachothers presence. Laughing together in class to taking her away from the yule ball to get some fresh air, after she got stood up.

Personally, you never had any problem with her parents being non sorcerers. Even when you talked you referred to them as non-sorcerers and not “muggles” or any sort of slur. Hermione noticed this and knew this was coming from a good place and wasn’t superficial.

After it has been going rather well between you it went downhill. Or so you thought…

One afternoon that built up anger that Hermione always seems to have stored up was about to explode. You and her were arguing over something so unnecessary that you took it outside the great hall. And thankfully you did.

“I can’t believe you’re so stupid y/n!” Hermione said walking out of the great hall huffing and puffing.

“Me? Stupid? Are you even listening to yourself Hermione?!” You followed right after her and slammed her against the nearest wall, Hermione slightly grunting. “Yes! You’re stupid and I can’t believe you actually did that!” She yelled slapping your chest softly.

what happened?

As usual you were partnered up with Hermione, working on a project in class. When a Slytherin came up to you to “warn you“ about working with muggles. While Hermione was quiet, ate her anger up and left. You went and embarrassed that Slytherin in front of the whole class. Even turned her into a ferret for a minute.

When Hermione found out that you had her back she was confused. Firstly, why is this hot feeling spreading in her chest while thinking about you standing up for her?

Secondly, why would you want to risk your status in Slytherin for her? When this all goes bad and they start to bully you then you’ll be the one that gets hurt. Hermione didn’t want this and while she was just a Gryffindor, the Slytherins are your people. You’ll be the one that has to stick to them for the next years.

You took her hands into yours while she was holding back tears to help her ground herself again.

“Why do you always let people walk over you like this Mione?” You talked in a whisper now because you were genuinely curious. Hermione looked into your eyes and thought about how for the past year you were the one that had her back, always. You were such a strong character yet still so calming to her. This balance is what she needs in life. She needs you. Now.

Hermione Granger crashed her lips onto yours. Although, at any given moment a teacher or a student can walk by and witness this Hermione felt so safe. This is a feeling she never really had here in Hogwarts. She never felt at peace here.

And if you didn’t reciprocate any good feelings she might have towards you, she probably won’t be okay but at least she has had this moment.

Finally, you came to a realization as to what is happening. Should you really do this. A mud blood Gryffindor and a Slytherin? Was this okay? At this moment, you just went for it, cupped her cheeks and went for a deeper kiss.

Hermione pulled away to catch her breath. “I hope this is okay, y/n.” she breathed out.

Fuck it.

“Do you want to come up to my room, love?” You said as you bite her earlobe and breathed onto her neck almost intoxicated by her perfume.

“Yes.” Hermione said, leaning into you like a shy girl and biting down on her smiling lips. You took her hand and made a run to your room since everyone is at dinner. Thankfully, Slytherins didn’t share their room with anyone.

Once you smuggled her into your room, Hermione left all that frustration she has out on you. Throwing you down on your bed, she started to kiss down your lips and moved downwards.

Knowing where this was going you tried to grab your wand out from your bedside table to lock the door and soundproof it.

“Are you okay?” Hermione asked confused as she looked up from leaving hickeys all over your neck.

„Yes, sweetheart i just want you to be the only one to hear me.“ You spoke a few spells while Hermione took of your clothes.

„Miss Granger isn’t as nice as they say she is.“

„You’ll see how nice I really am once I really get started with you.” she almost growled while sucking on your tits.

It felt really nice to have Hermione being this open towards you and being comfortable enough to show you this side of her. There were many sides of her and you wanted to get to know them all.

Keeping eachother up the whole night, both of you were snuggled up in bed. Thankfully it was a Saturday morning, so both of you had nowhere to be right now.

Before you dozed off, you kept thinking about how beautiful Hermione is and that there is no way you’re going to let her go and have this be a one time thing.

You liked her and having her sleep so peaceful in your arms, must be a dream come true.

That was until your dream, became known to spectators that were not fond of your bond.

[reveseke]

Thinking about... if spider!reader was Hotch's son & got caught

PT. Thinking about... if spider!reader was Hotch's son & got caught. PT end

Gif ID. A gif of Aaron Hotchner in his office illuminated by the table lamp showing a brief smile to the camera before covering the side of his face with his and as he leans into it. Gif ID end.

Credits – 👑 | underneath 👾 - 🎡 - 🕸️ |

Some odd hadcanons + small blurb

Feature .. Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner | Spider! Son! Reader ( he/him)

Summ .. Son! Spider! Reader getting caught by his dad climbing through the window in suit. Reader thought he wasn't even home!

Hinted towards – R has a dog, mentioned once | is stressed or ready to have a breakdown lol

CW – small mention of injuries | mention of breaking down

DNI - Fudanashis/fujodashis, women & fem-aligned, profic/proship, anti - LGBTQ+ folk & exclusionists, anti-antis, Necro- Zoo- Pedophiles + (NO)Maps(and other terms), basic DNI criteria, kink/nude/nsfw/sh/vent/pro-ana/ed/18+ blogs

Gif ID. Three gifs in a row the first of an arcade showing four different games, second gif of clear slime being toyed with in purple lighting, third of something easily breakable a sponge maybe being turned into a powder in blacklight where it glows green. Gif ID end.

Thinking about Son!Spider!reader climbing through his room's window at around three in the morning thinking his dad was either not home or sleeping by now.

Thinking about the fact that Aaron could have heard the reader coming in to his own room. Just hearing the window creak and open as Reader climbs in and the happy click clacks of the dog's nails against the floor bc the door was not completely closed.

Getting caught off guard by the door swinging open as Aaron stands on the doorway looking at his son with wide eyes. The poor boy having jumped up and trying to appear small.

Thinking about the shock and heavy silence between the two, the truth being progressed in silence. How the Reader would take his mask off with his gloves and let the goggles he had on his head to be around his neck, eyes basically trained on his dad as he processed what was going on.

Scared was one way to say how R felt, maybe nervous and on edge of a breakdown as the silence progressed.

" are you alright ? "

Breaking the silence with the first words between the two Aaron sounded genuinely worried. He knew what the web slinger that had been caught in videos and pictures at least thousands of times and the thing head done. Some that could have been lethal and ended with Reader dead.

Being mad at one who kept something so important, yet something so dangerous as a secret was not a way to go.

The silence continued for another few seconds, R taking a gulp of air as everything around him felt like it was about to collapse, stretching his neck in the silence to look at the roof of his room for a second. Adrenaline surging through his nerves, ears ringing and eyes watering his face contorted in confusion before meeting his father's eye. He merely nodded, brows knitted together with a frown on his face. Barely breathing, shallows as if he could just breakdown any minute with tears.

I genuinely think that being stressed out to hide the fact that your playing a real life superhero and hiding it from your dad who is a FBI agent and known to be strict and a little callous maybe? I really think that would put pressure on the reader to say that if he found out he could have a bigger problem than the bad guys around. Or at least think he would be.

Thinking how Aaron would come forward and hug Reader after seeing how he reacted to him coming in. Stressed and basically alone to deal with such a thing not exactly true R has his friend group to talk to lmao. Just engulfing him and letting the boy sob against his chest while petting his head to soothe him. The tension a d stress just spilling over.

Making sure R feels comfortable to talk about it, because he knows the topic might be sensitive and stressful to the reader. And he might not want to address the issue, but Aaron isn't going to let it slide either. He's seen many things during his time working in BAU ofc and knows what kind of things can make a person slide off.

Making sure he's good mentally and physically; making sure he's got no fatal injuries is the first things. If he has Aaron's going to help him, he doesn't he's good lol.

If R isn't ready go address it on the spot, Aaron gives him time and they talk later about it. The first thing he wishes to know is if he's alright as mentioned earlier, how did it all come to be and why.

In the end he'd be reluctant leaving R be on the topic, wanting him to be safe but also not really telling anyone about it for the privacy sake and bc there's no guarantee what the government would do with the information, but atleast he gets to know what's going on in Virginia crime vice lol.

Also thinking about how the man has most likely some times seen his own son hopping buildings but never knew it was actually him lmao .

[yandere-metal-family]

I Hate You, Brat

Summary: Sebastian has a crush on the Chive's close friend, much to their annoyance. [Possibly make a Part two?]

Sebastian didn't know when these feelings developed, but he wanted them to go away as soon as possible. These feelings were getting in the way of him being on the top.

God, do you feel his glare on your back as you talk to that idiot? Do you know you make him feel this way? You have to be doing it on purpose, because he's never felt this way before. You're distracting him from his goals.

You felt a shove and looked at the perpetrator. It was that stuck-up blonde guy and he was glaring at you like you were a pest in his life. You frowned standing back up before dusting yourself off.

"What's your problem?"

He scrunched his nose up in a snarl, "You. Obviously."

"Sorry, I guess?"

He rolls his eyes and turns away from you.

"Damn, Chive, have you met that asshole?"

He could hear you from where he was sitting and he gritted his teeth. His fists were clenched and his nails were digging into his skin. Why were you talking about him? He didn't know why these feelings were so intense, like a tornado taking him over.

He glanced at you from the side of his eye. He wanted to do unspeakable things to you and he didn't have the faintest clue why.

----

"Yeah. She thinks you hate her." Ches laughs, turning away from Sebastian.

"Hate her? Why does she think that?" Sebastian asked genuinely, lowering his guitar.

Ches laughs hard, think Sebastian was joking, "That's a good one! You almost sounded serious." Though when Ches turn back around he realizes Sebastian was not joking. "You haven't been the nicest to her."

"I'm changing! I don't want her to think I hate her."

"Good luck with that," Ches strums his guitar, looking Sebastian straight on, "Because she doesn't like you."

-----

"Have you seen Chive?"

"No, umm, but I was hoping we could hang out?"

"You want to hang out?"

"Yeah?"

"What would we do?"

Glam scratches his neck, looking at you, his ears already going a bright red, "We can always talk. I mean, I would love for us to just talk- But I wouldn't want to just talk, because I mean... God." Glam covered his face, clearly embarrassed.

"You've never been a good talk, have you Glam." You sit next to him, practically arm to arm, "You've changed a lot you know." You elbow him, causing him to look at you, "You used to be a stuck up brat, now you're just a little bit of a brat," You joke, causing him to crack a smile.

"That's all that's changed?"

"No. No, of course not, Glam."

-----

"I want to make up for every bad thing I've ever done to you."

You stared at the crazy-haired blonde, who had you in a grip vice.

"How about you start by letting me go, hmm?"

"Oh, right, sorry." He chuckled to himself. "How about I eat you out?"

"Take Out? Like to eat food?"

"We could do that, too."

"I'm sorry?" you awkwardly laugh, as he chuckles at your obvious confusion when you misheard him.

"I want to show you how I feel because I used to be so bad at it." He looks at you, so lovingly. A way you've never been looked at before.

"Well, how do you feel, Glam?"

"I feel so many things that I could never put in words."

"What about a song?" Though you were joking, Glam took it very seriously.

"There isn't enough time in the world to sing a song that could express even a fragment of how I feel for you."

"That's intense, Glam. I didn't know you felt that way."

"I've always felt so many ways about you."

"You don't beat around the bush do you?"

"I don't want to waste a second with you, why would I not be honest?"

This was all so much for you. Glam was giving you his heart and you didn't know what to do. It felt like no matter what you did, it would never be right.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I need time to think about this."

"Oh... Uh yeah, of course." He stands up, pointing to the door, I should probably go."

"Yeah."

"Thank about it?"

"Of course," You smile as he heads out, before quickly dropping it and frowning.

[mattsdae]

I didn’t know how much I needed “loup-garou” in my life so I thank you for that! -But now I need more of it…

i’m also need more werewolf!matt work in my life so here’s some headcanons i like

sfw

- first of all, it doesn’t really affect his daily life (unless it’s around the full moon)

- he has some little habits that he gets from his breed, but nothing too noticable

- like he loves running/jogging and even though he says it’s to stay in shape, you know it’s because it gets his hunting needs out of his system

- he also has a really bad staring problem because of his need to stalk. once again, nothing too crazy, but he still loves to watch you do random things

- after transforming, you kinda let him do what he needs. sometimes he gnaws on furniture legs, sometimes he stalks and hunts you, but usually he just howls and rolls around in the mud

- which he kinda hates bc when he comes out of it, he feels super gross. you’ve tried to give him a bath before he went back to normal but he bit you pretty hard so you just let him be

- the worst is when he starts trying to mark his territory so you have to get onto him for it (he looks at you with scared little puppy dog eyes bc you never yell at him)

- loves a good cuddle. big spoon, little spoon, doesn’t matter much to him, he just loves being close to you.

- generally a sweet little guy that just happens to turn into a feral beast that destroys your house once a month

- loves having his hair played with. actually, pets in general are good for him. he just loves when you ruffle his hair or scratches his back.

- oral fixation to the max. always has something in his mouth and usually sleeps with a chew toy bc if he doesn’t, he grinds his teeth really bad

nsfw

- speaking of oral fixation, loves having you in his mouth. fingers, pussy, ass, doesn’t matter. as long as something from your body is in his mouth, he’s happy

- he’s a switch with no real preference

- like he loves pinning you and marking you up, but he also likes taking orders and doing whatever you want him to do

- very obedient when he is sub, very eagar to please

- has a real bad breeding kink, especially close to his transformation. cumming inside is a requirement and he does get genuinely frustrated when he can’t.

- has a habit of growling during sex. just gritting his teeth and snarling while fucking you or while getting fucked

- biting.. always has his teeth sunk into you. shoulder, neck, thighs, anywhere he has access to will be bitten

- has the sweetest little puppy dog eyes while sub. looks like a dog begging for scraps and will whine like one too.

- very drooly. just a slobbering mess without trying. would have literal drops of spit leaking from him while panting above you and practically begging for some type of praise

- oh yeah, he’s also loves praise no matter what. telling him ‘good boy’ would leave him trembling no matter the context

ok that’s all i can think of add more if you want bc i love this shit

[love-toxin]

UGH to be Eddie’s preppy little tutor 😩 I need to be RESTRAINED. He 10/10 asks for a kiss every time he gets one of the practice exam questions right… steals your glasses because he thinks it’s funny… and is OH so suggestive when he turns up with a passing test copy/report card… grrr *puts him in my bra and runs away*

YOOOOOOO i am in full brainrot over this. god. also take me in your bra too anon i wanna go for a ride!! 🥺

it's one thing to peck him on the lips when he gets all those questions right, and you're genuinely proud when he takes much more time to try and solve them rather than rushing through them, even if it's just because he wants a kiss from you so bad. and him stealing your glasses and putting the curved tip into his mouth like he's chewing a pencil, starting to work away at his problems again and having to swat you away so you can't grab them back. but it's a whole different ball game when Eddie is dashing up to you in the hallway after class, excitedly pushing his latest test or exam into your hands to show you how well he did--not perfect, but much better than he would have without your tutoring, and definitely enough to pass. he's probably nearly out of breath and has a skip in his step as he walks with you out of school while you examine his paper, but when you get to his car, that's when you finally promise to reveal the reward you're gonna give him.

spoiler alert: it is the sloppiest, most enthusiastic, best head of his goddamn life. Eddie's got a lot to be proud of for his hard work, but he never imagined that he'd actually have the school's preppiest little sweetheart on their knees for him in his trailer. he's got your glasses perched on his own head amongst that wild mane of hair (to keep them from getting in the way, he says) and his hand on the back of your neck, fingers wrapped in locks of your soft hair as he sits back on the edge of his bed and shudders with pleasure. it is not what he thought it would be like with you, he imagined he would be a little more assertive--but no, you're deepthroating him of your own volition and bobbing your head at a feverish pace, taking breaks only to catch your breath and look up at him with that messy little mouth hung half-open before you get right back to it. your eyes have a sparkle in them like you're really enjoying it, and Eddie can't fucking take it, he can't even stop shaking and almost crying because he doesn't know what to do with himself. your throat is just so tight and sucks him in just the right away, and your tongue keeps pressing up against that vein that's just so sensitive, and he keeps watching his bush brush up against your nose, it keeps scrunching a little like you're gonna sneeze and it's the cutest thing ever. he's curled up with your head between his pale thighs like he's holding you there but in reality, his grip is so loose on your hair that you could pull away from it easily. it's a farce, you're the one who has the control here and he knows it. his orgasm feels like it comes in seconds and somehow also takes an hour, but when he does cum (and he does, a lot) he grasps at your head and holds it so close to him, totally at the mercy of your mouth as you suck him dry and don't pull off even when he can feel that you're getting breathless.

the best part is when you let him slide slowly out of your mouth, and tilt your head up to swallow so deep that he can see your throat bobbing from where he is above you. you lick your lips, smile, and then they split open to reveal a totally clean tongue as if none of it ever happened, and he didn't absolutely cream your throat with everything he's had saved up. you even have the audacity to ask if he wants to be cleaned off, like you didn't already just suck his soul straight out through his dick and leave him dead to the world. instead, Eddie grabs for your arms and pulls you up to lay back on his bed with him, shakily readjusting himself so he at least has his boxers pulled over his hips. and he kisses you in the gentlest way possible, reaches up to his head, and plucks your glasses off to rest them back on your face where they belong, and bops you on the nose when he manages it. he may not be an A+ student, but you can bet that after that, he's gonna have more than enough initiative to pass all of his classes. besides....how might you reward him for graduating altogether? he can only dream of it, and it makes every day of those shitty classes and shitty people worth it. even if it was just a smile from you, it would be more than worth it.

[concerningwolves]

Nothing sets my brain going in dizzying circles of doubt quite like chiropractic.

There's something about how any treatment that has strong associations with being a "Miracle cure" automatically makes me wary, and yet many people do find instant relief after treatment. Three out of my own four appointments fell under the "instant relief" category, actually!

But also, most of the patients mum sees in her job as a receptionist for a chiropractor keep going back, week after week, some of them for years. They swear that it has changed their life, but... They're still going. They still need the adjustments. So then I have to wonder, is it the instant solution it's often touted as, or is it more accurately an ongoing treatment similar to HRT/antidepressants/antipsychotics/migraine prevention meds, etc.?

It certainly makes me uncomfortable that the chiropractor has never told me how to manage a problem on my own. The adjustments he's done to my hips made an instant improvement, but I had to ask him what i could do to strengthen the muscle myself, and he seemed genuinely surprised that I'd done so. Maybe I'm just used to physiotherapy. Maybe it's wrong of me to expect that kind of treatment from chiropractic. Maybe that was just that specific chiropractor's way, and others do things differently.

The fourth time I went, I'd woken up in horrendous pain from my right shoulder. I couldn't move that arm, or my neck. At that point, there is very very little that ""official"" (i.e., NHS) services can do. My course of action has always been to wait for the worst of the flare to pass, take painkillers, carefully do my physiotherapy exercises, and examine my environment/most recent activities to see what might've set it off. And then in a few days or weeks, the pain recedes and I get full range of motion back.

But this time, I accepted mum's suggestion for an appointment with the chiropractor. He kindly squeezed me in in his last slot before lunch. He talked to me, he was attentive and accepting, and he worked with me to find out the source of the problem. His answer was acupuncture, which, okay... I'd never had it before, but I'd white-knuckled the car journey there, so I may as well. And it worked! Or at least, it relaxed me enough that my muscles were no longer in spasm. I felt like I'd turned to water, actually. It was pretty nice.

Then he did the standard adjustment.

It was instant relief – until we were partway home and i realised that the pain had just moved to a different place. I don't know if he made the problem worse; the pain was different, but it also eased off in the usual week and there were no lasting side-effects. I got back into my physio routine. I reconfigured my desk. I haven't been back to the chiropractor since.

All this is on my mind because my shoulder pain is in a flare up again. I've had flares since that fourth chiropractor visit and I've always got though them, but this one is very bad. I keep seriously considering booking an appointment, then pulling myself back. It might be an answer. It might just create more problems. I don't know.

[mamabeatnik]

Separation of Church & Fate

This year apparently has been about learning self-validation. 

I started school this year, and turns out - I’m not dumb and i’m really good at time management, unlike what i was telling myself. 

I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD (combined type) at the very start of the year, and it turns out those are fuckin REAL and so are the issues they bring to my life. I’m not just a lazy asshole, like i was telling myself.

It’s also been about recognizing old patterns and navigating the essential inner growth. 

Why do i feel these things about myself? Why is my self-confidence destroyed this year? I KNOW i’m not bad, or dumb, or manipulative, and that i am always putting effort into growth within relationships and myself. I like to ask questions because i’m genuinely curious and i want to know what people think and i like to solve problems in ways that benefit everyone. 

So where am i getting this negative self feed-back loop? And why was it missing for a few years but suddenly has come back full-strength?

Turns out that the negative thought patterns i allowed to creep in are not actually my sentiments at all. They’re the reflections of very difficult years in harsh environments built up over time, strengthened by the perceived notions of people who have no fucking clue what’s actually going on. My inner awful dialogue wasn’t something i struggled with as a kid, until the church came along. This would be partially a product of simply being a child, but also being an AUTISTIC child. Most children are who they are, they like who they are, and they don’t realize that there’s anything wrong with them until someone doesn’t like them or misunderstands them. Essentially, all children are taught to be self-conscious and learn that they are ‘weird’ or ‘bad’ or ‘dumb” from social peers and triggered adults and the cycle starts there.

This is true tenfold for autistic children. 

Up until the point I was introduced into a society that isn’t built to include me, i had no frame of reference to believe that i was any better or worse than anyone else. I was ME. I liked being me, until i encountered a religious environment that told me i must acknowledge that i’m a bad person in order to participate and get any social ‘perks’ with my club membership (my father also told me i was 'stupid', an 'idiot', and 'dumb' on a daily basis but that's a story for another time).

This seemed arbitrary. Listening to someone preach love and forgiveness every Sunday while also casting hellish aspersions on non-club members, sanctioning domestic abuse and violence, subjugating their female members, and publicly flogging and banishing members who didn’t adhere to the exact script - none of it made sense. It sure seemed everyone was getting away with something, but because they’d stamped God’s name on it, it wasn’t hypocritical. 

My blood would boil, my blood pressure would rise, and I would daydream about stabbing myself in the neck with my pen, listening to these men preach on and on and on. Which didn’t seem constructive or conducive to personal growth. I wanted to get rid of that part of me that spent the mornings in the pew viscerally angry. Because, as i was being told, the problem was ME. 

I started asking genuine questions because i was confused how such GOOD people could be so hypocritical and lack so much self-awareness. Why would these men tell my mom she had to stay with a man who pushed her down stairs and beat her children and why would they say God wants it? Why would they take it upon themselves to discipline grown adults like they were children and treat children like livestock to “train”. Why would there be a spiritual entity that wants any of this? 

These aren’t ground-breaking questions that should shake the very foundations of a sturdy, well-built religious faith that’s predicated on genuine love and forgiveness. If we were truly involved in the spiritual practice this cult claimed we were, there would be inclusiveness. Kindness. 

Support. 

Grey areas. 

Honest and difficult conversations. 

The ability to share your experiences and have them be received with curiosity and understanding. 

There would be space for mistakes, apologies, and proper conflict resolution. 

Turns out, this was too ideal and not the environment in which i found myself. I quickly learned that asking tough questions and trying to have a dialogue relegated me to the status of “questionable” and “dangerous” - even if I took accountability and apologized. I didn’t understand that. 

Years later, i realized i’d already been marked as dangerous by this community when i was 8. And while it sounds too self-victimizing to be true - it was simply because I shared some info and asked a question. 

My father’s anger was ramping up. He had started taking it out on my mom in physical abuse form, and if i stepped in, it was my turn. Being a problem solver, i figured sharing this info with some older girls at the church might yield positive results. Perhaps their dad could say something to mine. What actually happened was difficult to process. 

The girls went to their mother, who went to my mother. I was pulled aside and reprimanded by this other woman for sharing personal family info and instructed never to do it again. She had dragged my mother over with her and lectured both of us on…something - probably encouraging us to get our feminine tongues under control. Years later, this woman’s husband would recommend that my beaten mother skip the divorce she so badly needed on the premise that God likes faithful and submissive wives. But that's another story.

So this is where I learned that my naturally questioning and problem-spotting brain was THE problem. If you see something suspicious, you will get swatted. If you ask questions, you will be banished. If you speak up for yourself, you will be punished. It doesn’t matter how obvious the problem is, how kindly you try to say it - it doesn’t matter if you’re not contributing to the dialogue in a way that sweeps things under the rug and bolsters the bullshit. 

I had assumed this was only an issue within church structure. Once i left, the pattern seemed to resolve itself. A non-religious social hierarchy built on the same non-friction and passive double-standard principles didn’t seem like it should exist. 

Unfortunately, au contraire. 

This year was about learning that people everywhere feel attacked when you suggest something in the social structure is off and try to have a dialogue about it. In a less aggressive sense, this situation mimicked the one from my childhood - misrepresentation, misunderstanding, an entire group of people telling me i was wrong and insecure, and several others clinging to the idea that i tried to control their lives.

(lol - why are they pretending i have that much power)

The difference this time was that i'm now an adult. I have endless experience being treated this way for asking questions.

i also now know that people - esp women - on the spectrum are treated socially poorly bc they're easy targets due to our trusting nature and our communication disability and inability to understand or be passive aggressive. So we are labeled confrontational and aggressive. Dramatic and rude. This time around, I can observe it from a more secure vantage point. i don't have to let it rule my life or destroy my self-confidence. Or convince me that my intentions are bad or my perspective invalid. I can simply remove this dynamic from my life altogether. I can stand up and leave that pew behind.

What surprised me wasn't that i was encountering these accusations of being dangerous again. What surprised me was that it was a social structure of people in their 30s, who should know better. What surprised me was that the church structure i'd worked so hard to leave behind exists alive and well, but on a social level.

Certain social groups it turns out, can  also be built on rules and certain ways of doing things. None of this is the more ‘correct’ way, it’s just become whatever is easy and more acceptable by a majority. There’s even a game element to it - and as long as you play by the rules and don’t upset anyone - even if their behavior has negatively impacted you - you have a club membership! Don’t rock the boat! Please be sensitive to others but the minute you ask them to be sensitive of you, it could end poorly for you and only you! If you have a mental breakdown because of years of hiding an unknown disability, you will be accused of trying to take advantage of someone financially! You're not a partner! You suck! This social construct hates consequences, but we definitely have some for YOU!

This provides a nice set-up for people that lack self-awareness or good intentions - or have yet to sort through their negative patterns of behavior. People who aren’t BAD per se, but also aren’t trying to grow or take accountability. Charismatic people who charm the pants off friends but gaslight and stonewall their partner behind closed doors. People who haven’t learned conflict resolution. People who don’t understand boundaries. People who are blind to the fact that most of society functions around using your friends to get the attention and validation you want rather than learning to get it from yourself. And these don’t make them bad people. No one is perfect, and we all have blind spots and struggles. 

The distinction lies in whether or not they’re willing to accept responsibility and pay attention when someone shares negative feedback or says “hey…i think we have a problem.”  The only bad person is someone who makes a mistake and does not apologize or learn from it, but chooses defensiveness and projection instead (at the end of the day, that will affect THEM negatively the most). No one likes to hear they’re wrong or fucking it up, but it’s a necessary part of being a human if we want to grow and improve. It’s a personal pattern to break. Humans are here to communicate and help each other.

Reliving an experience adjacent to my church upbringing as an adult has been eye-opening.  This year, i realized this is where my personal responsibility to breaking this pattern as an Autistic person comes in. Because of the autism, I will be dealing with this in some form for the rest of my life. The pattern contains many things - my participation, my willingness to trust that most people have good intentions and want to be better and will listen when someone speaks up, my effort to fit in with everyone else, my desire for connection. In certain environments, these expectations will be true. Recreating my experience as a child of witnessing fishy behavior, boundaries being crossed, and trying to step in for someone that was not my responsibility was my fault. I willingly chose to do this. That's my shit to work through.

And while it is not up to me to accept the blame for how people respond or their behavior, my responsibility, in order to avoid putting myself in these witch-hunt situations, is to learn how to recognize in which environments asking questions and solving problems is accepted, and to pursue relationships within those. Because, based on how my brain works and my communication style, no matter how much responsibility I take for my side of the street, other people will find some sort of problem with how I am.

However, I can complain about how i’m being treated for speaking up for myself all i want, but if i truly want growth and a healthy environment, i’ll stop choosing social spaces that label me as insecure and controlling, and i’ll stop choosing people who play the victim and misrepresent me and gossip.

If i am in a place where i cannot open dialogues with people and learn and grow with them, then i must seize the opportunity to trust myself, my intuition, and my emotions. Time to practice the self-validation that i have struggled so much with over the years and learn the warning signs of this particular pattern, so that i don't have to play this game again. i can validate my own experiences. I can seek environments where deconstruction of social norms is encouraged, and where my question-asking brain isn't THE problem.

Because if all it takes is one person challenging the "way it's always been" to topple a social or religious structure and wreak havoc, then what was that foundation built on? Certainly something that was already false and unsustainable to begin with. If the structure of whatever i'm questioning is truly sound, it shouldn't result in defensiveness and fear and gossip. It should add to foundations and be embraced as another unique nail that holds it up.

In a sense, I'm grateful to be confronted with this strange dynamic again. These experiences teach me how NOT to be. I don't want to live my life unable to take responsibility and unable to embrace different points of view. That's where we lose growth and accountability and stay the same. That's how we are adults with a child's conflict resolution skills. That's how we tell ourselves that our point of view is THE one and we harm and ignore the others.

Be respectful. Speak up for yourself. Ask questions. Point out problems. And if people don't like it, that's their problem.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

I finished reading YAMQN 🧍‍♀️... It feels good but also not. Like you did it, you actually wrote it start to end and I was here witnessing it while unfolding. But at the same time there will be it no more (not counting the sequels). I will be re-reading it on loop, thanks

Let's go through the things I got right about the end then hihi

• oc shoving that dagger straight into gyu's heart

• oc bleeding in gyu's arms after getting pierced through the womb

• tyun watching her blood run while restrained by the neck and hands unable to do anything

• the general outline of that last conversation between oc and tyun

• wonyoung becoming a decent state leader

Aside from those things I must admit there were some scenes that came up quite unexpectedly. I did not expect oc to actually make friend, and it was actually quite interesting to see her realize that she was not the only woman with marital problems and also see the level of sacrifices those woman were making to keep their relationships standing socially while oc just impulsively threw it all to shit and made it everyone's problem - it really showed how sheltered and alienated she was her how life, how narrow and self-centered her world view has always been, and it was good to see her witness first hand her actions immediately bearing consequences to someone else. The smut scene following that happening was also interesting to read, but not in a joyful way... the way he just took it what she was doing to him despite not wanting and not enjoying it was truly sad (and served as very upfront reminder that he was also sexualy violated in the past), I felt genuinely bad for him and the fact that oc didn't pay it half a mind and just kept going as if it was nothing serious left me in indignation , specially considering how often she reminds him of the time she was violated by him. Another thing that struck me weirdly was tyun using the pearl necklace at his execution... you could say it's symbolic or poetic but it read as such a petty thing to me because, as far as he knew at that time, those was his last moments and he decided it was a good idea to spell it out to her and only her that "it's your fault I an gonna die here", wich is true but are you shure that's what you want your last breath to be dedicated to? Where was the honorable dignified man in you?Are you, tyun, really gonna use your last breath to provoke and guilt trip a woman you never had the courage to say you loved? Congrats, it worked, and now she is dead... happy now? Ugh

I must say however that Oc's reaction to Gyu saying he will get it right next time was quite funny... she was so done with everything, at this point she was preparing mentally to just die in peace, and there he comes announcing that was just the first chapter of the book. Poor thing was trash at some moments, yes, but i felt for her when she sounded pissed that she couldn't catch a break even in death.

~♡anon

i knooooow i can't believe i actually finished it and didn't abandon it at some point. the main reason i always felt in such a rush to write it is because i was afraid i'd lose the motivation and not finish it but here we are

you got so much stuff right babe i was so excited to tell you but couldn't (well except that one time lmao)

i mean she didn't impulsively throw it away. she had the right to since he raped her but yes it definitely showed her that the other women at least suffered a lot too and that's why everyone was telling her to shut up and take it. ofc it doesn't justify it but it explains it. funny thing is maybe if she had known this earlier she wouldn't have tried to run away lol

oc is very much a hypocrite when it comes to acknowledging what she's done to gyu and what he had done to him. like ofc she shouldn't just be glad he owns her but he did save her and her entire family and he gave her so much and treated her better than most other women (before it all went to shit--well even after that). he even offered to give up his title for her but she didn't want to give up the life she wanted (she had her reasons too and i sympathize with her but the point is she didn't really acknowledge it) and ofc gyu's rape. and here she is telling him to shut up and let her use him to make herself feel more in control and he just sits there and takes it and again she doesn't acknowledge it. yes she says that he'll do anything for her yadda yadda but she doesn't take into account the sacrifice of it

oh man the pearl necklace thing. i was in such a pickle about that. i was originally planning to have him wear the necklace like an eyepatch (like you suggested before) and for that to have pushed oc over the edge (i needed an extra nudge for her because she really really didn't want to kill gyu lmao) but i thought that with her being pregnant and married to gyu now, it just wouldn't make sense for tyun to wear the necklace in a way that would imply he has retains affection for her. so i thought about him wearing it around his neck to really drive home the point she's killing him. but i had the same reservation as you, in that it's not like him to be petty like that but i gave it some thought and i decided you know what, he can be petty. he threw a tantrum when he saw her wearing gyu's gifts and called them tacky (which, derserved, but you know), he sent her a message calling her a whore, implying he wouldn't have pursued her if he knew she was "ruined", he retaliated when she would confront him by belittling her and her emotions... so for that moment, as he was getting ready for his execution by his ex's lover, his ex that allowed herself to be impregnated by the man trying to kill him... yeah he was going to be petty. but yeah i definitely see where you're coming from.

oc was like "not this shit again" lol. i originally had oc being in favor of it and even her last words being "you better keep your promise" but as the chapters progressed i just felt oc's fatigue with all of it. she's tired of it all--tired of gyu's tricks, tired of fighting herself, tired of being made to feel like shit, tired of being used... she's just over it.

[terrence-silver]

How do you think Terry handles going to the doctor appointments by himself? Whether he gets good news or bad news I feel bad that he has no one beside him for support :(

I think Terry is used to it, you know? It is how he chooses to conduct things.

Meticulously.

Antiseptically.

Tactically.

I think next to nobody knows the private Terry.

Terry at the doctor's office. Terry going to therapy. Terry after the 80's, in some elite resort where Billionaires go on an 'impromptu break from their public life', which is really just a code for 'he's booked himself a getaway at gated community rehabilitation center and he isn't taking any calls until further notice'. Traumatized war veteran Terry having nightmares and possibly training himself to hide it all. Terry with bizarrely mundane and day-to-day problems. Terry and his concealed triggers. Cocaine addict Terry. Terry in remission. Terry licking his own wounds. Domestic Terry. Terry brumating. Terry's real self. Terry the day-to-day man behind his various masks. Terry drinking. Terry drunk. Terry scheming. Terry's insecurities. Terry with the flaws. Terry and his genuine opinions, no matter how messed up...or even admirable. Terry and the full extent of his emotional capacity. Next to nobody actually witnesses that. And one could even argue he doesn't want just about anyone to witness that seeing as how he has a deeply ingrained sense of discomfort with any perceived or imaginary weakness, and going to a doctor, for example, is definitely a weakness. Because one is sick, there's the implication, or at least not in their prime of their strength, and in Terry's world, a sick, or only partially adequate man is weak. A broken soldier. Every human does it --- have their annual check-ups, but Terry doesn't want to appear vulnerable in anyone's eyes, be it friend or foe, especially not genuinely vulnerable. Artificially vulnerable? Infinitely better, because there's a veil of pretense, compartmentalization and acting behind everything he does, so it doesn't actually affect him; quite the contrary. It is amusing. Especially when people fall for his facades and all goes according to his devises and plans for the hour. But, actual, raw vulnerability?

No.

His secretaries and most inner circle staff call his doctors like this is no different from any other arranged business meeting (because it isn't), or better yet, his doctors already knows when to expect him because Mr. Silver is their only patient and they're exclusively on his payroll and available to nobody else and he does pay handsomely.

He doesn't share the people in charge of his body and its maintenence.

Much like a wounded serpent, Terry tends to strategically slip under the radar when he's doing bad and re-emerge anew with a fresh skin when the time is right. That's what he and John Kreese have in common. When he is struggling with mental health, physical health, finances, Terry is unseen, behind the scenes and nobody knows if he can help it.

Terry doesn't want anyone witnessing his high end, private doctor (contractually bound to extensive privacy) prescribing him medications, measuring his pressure, scanning him, injecting him, rehabilitating him, dosing him pills to get him off of other, more dangerous pills, fixing all the cracks and doing whatever a doctor does, because, much like an animal bearing its neck, Terry feels seen and exposed, almost naked during times like this --- and in fact, he is more worried about the vulnerability of even being in a situation like this in the first place, even from a trusted, professional trained medical worker that has been vetted time and time again and undoubtedly paid a fortune to tend to Mr. Silver exclusively than he is worried about any results under the sun. The lack of control he has; now that is harrowing to Terry. He'd rather cut his own chest open with a surgical scalpel if it meant he is in charge of the blade.

If it means he bleeds on his own accord.

Does he still privately crave that someone was devoted enough to him and him alone to be his side in times like this, even with his walls up? Even when he is just a man, doing things any man does? When he's just a man that is, dare I say, a bit weak, his heart being scanned, his lungs checked for abnormalities, a lifetime of vices coming to bite him in the ass? Does he privately crave that someone was there, with nothing to gain, even though he ensured nobody sees him in a state of exposure, when he is wide open for attack? Does he wish someone matched at least an ounce of his own innate loyalty that could move mountains, if need be?

Ironically, always.

Much like any person. More than any person.

Which is what makes Terry so scary and...ordinary.

[furiouspatience]

Small stuff for Beholder (Game)

Some things that have been coming to my mind for some time.

And I also have this: "The Grass Is Greener There" AU

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Danton treats Brukich like a son / nephew, cherishing the life of a student. One winter evening, George calls the young man to his "home". Fulfledle notices a photograph of the revolutionary: Danton with a whole eye and his dead nephew. After that, George himself quietly approaches the student, saying that they are both similar in character, and that this is the only thing that is very dear to him.

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Magda bandages her boss's arm after Pete got into a fight at his party with some left-wing employee (presumably with Legrand). Still recovering from alcohol, Ferguson kisses a woman on the cheek. After such a gesture, Pete gets a strong slap in the face. The handprint remains on his face for a long time.

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Bastian was so fed up with everything and/or depression reached such a scale that he used real blueprints (he gave Carl a copy), and wanted to blow himself up together with Helmer. But only undermined the nearest town.

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Isaac has a very bad handwriting, so he typed the entire "Canon of Clones" on a typewriter. He treats writing something extremely responsibly (like a scientific work, or the same Canon), can sit for a long time studying the necessary information in the library, and in his office. But according to the classics, he does not treat criticism very well, even extremely negatively.

Bonus: Alloisius and Isaac have known each other since their student years at the medical college. And Weinberg does not fully understand how it is possible to save the lives of imperfect people.

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Wise Leader has a secret room in his house with movies and books that he once read/watched. With an armchair and a built-in TV in the closet. And the old man relaxes there after a hard day at the theater, immersing himself in written fantasy stories. Sometimes he can be found in a bookstore, where he buys new books according to his proven method.

Bonus: After many operations to revive, the Leader was left with a scar on his chest.

Bonus 2: After the Leader became a "vegetable", Caleb began to read books to him. He was the only one from the Circle who genuinely cared about him.

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I like to think of the 25th floor as a "found family."

1) Amelia, Horatio and others arranged a surprise party for Weinberg on his birthday. Isaac was not impressed by this, but he was touched that he was not forgotten.

2) Hemnitz helps Weinberg with Borean, because for a "great" mind, this language turned out to be difficult.

3) Isaac voluntarily lets Amelia develop herself, but not because he is happy for her, but because "in the world of clones" it will not matter.

Isaac: You can go to your self-development courses. This is a good solution.

Amelia: Thank you very much! (hugs Isaac by the neck, and leaves the office)

Isaac: (sits down at the table) Enjoy it while we're all alive…

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Frank got sick of solving "generational problems," and so he took Sabine and Kim to his office, locked them there with a key, after taking the phone:

Frank: Until you two talk, I'm not letting you out of here. Don't worry about Alex, honey, I can feed him. And, Kim, please try not to break anything, okay? Even though Mom earns money, I still pay for the bills.

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Ernst had never smoked in his life. But after he was fired along with Lotte (Stephen's ending), then over time he started doing it. Because it calms him down. Ernst takes a drag on his cigarette for the first time, and immediately coughs.

Bonus: Stephen finds Ernst, and arranges him back to the Ministry, because the latter knows many languages. However, he imposes prohibitions on Mueller in the form of: the use of weapons and leaving the country, unless for work.

----------------------------------------

Emma Grundich: (exhales smoke directly into the listener's face)

Frank: (MEGA COUGH followed by leaving the office for fresh air)

Ernst: (calmly waves his hand away, without even moving his nose or flinching a single muscle on his face)

----------------------------------------

Alloisius invited Bastian to the tennis court to distract him from parting with Clara and "shake him from the sedentary image behind the blueprints." As a result, Bastian almost dies right on the field due to a sudden heavy load on his heart. Alloisius brings him to his senses, apologizes, and promises to introduce the load gradually.

----------------------------------------

Stephen and Ernst drank wine, and kissed twice. For the first time, because alcohol hit Stephen harder in the head. And the second time was when Stephen sobered up a little, but both of them wanted this feeling of intimacy. But they kissed a little longer and a little more gently. The next day, no one wanted to remember it.

----------------------------------------

Stephen tries to lure Ernst into a snowball game, and the latter ignores him at first, and after a while they throw snowballs at each other until they get tired and fall into the snow. But they had fun. Ernst still considers it a “waste of time”, but for some reason he feels calm now.

Emma Grundich watches from the window of the Ministry. This surprises her, and she grins, inhaling the smoke from the cigarette.

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— Have you chosen anything? Bastian felt a familiar hand on his shoulder. He had been standing in front of the clothing counter, looking at sweaters for half an hour.

— Are you sure this is necessary, Comrade Alloisius? — uncertainty and awkwardness could be read in the engineer's voice, unaccustomed to this kind of thing. He knew what he wanted to see in his wardrobe, but he was afraid that Shpak would not have enough money.

— Of course! — the doctor smiled, — Besides, maybe it will make you stop wearing this old vest.

Bastian was a little hurt by this, he did not want to part with what he wore all the time. The only thing that did not bring discomfort to his body, did not make him itch and catch bugs in the fabric. However, nothing is eternal.

The engineer closed his eyes, and his hand slowly reached for the hanger. After a while Bastian was holding a dull chocolate-colored sweater.

— This color suits you very well. — it seemed to the man that the cardiologist's soft smile warmed him at this moment more than warm clothes on his own body, — Come on, I've already chosen a sweater for myself.

They left the store, turning left. Satisfied, the two men walked along the sidewalk with a calm step, holding bags of purchased things.

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[aceofspaces16]

So I had a thought, wether it’s a bad thought or a good thought is up to you. Monster high and yugioh crossover fanfic

Now I haven’t thought that deep, as plot wise but I’ve have thought of vibes and scenarios.

So Cleo’s dad has heard of an item that supposedly gives the user a wish of any kind, he thought it would be good use for Cleo as she can use it to help her in school with popularity and such, he has connections especially back in Egypt so he simply asked one of his servants to get the items to him, they came back with a golden box inside is a gold puzzle with the string still attached, reading the box prove to him what he already knows, the one who solves the puzzle is granted a wish, he gives the box to Cleo telling her as such, Cleo gets excited and brings it to school.

At school she gives the box to ghoulia telling her to solve it but leave one piece left as it’s Cleo who is supposed to solve it, ghoulia looks at it, taking in each piece carefully, she tells Cleo it will take a while and they go their separate ways, at lunch time ghoulia returns with the puzzle almost solves and Cleo excitedly takes it carefully as to not break it, she says her wish out loud which is to be liked by everyone as she puts the piece in, a bright light covers Cleo as now everyone in the creepateria is now staring in awe, Cleo simply thinks this is the puzzle’s magic as she spreads her arms wide to accept the puzzle’s magic.

Yami wakes up in a school? He thinks, in the body of a girl with the puzzle resting on her left hand, he took a moment looking around to get a feel of his surroundings noticing that everyone was staring at him, he sort of waved to them to get them to stop staring, interesting he though to himself, sure he didn’t know much about this world but he had a feeling that these students were different somehow, much like the girl who he was currently inhabiting. He calmed down as he looked at the girl? Ghoul? He still wasn’t sure sitting next to him, hearing a moan from her which by his surprise he could understand, she asked if it worked which he replied “I think so” not too sure what she meant, ghoulia could tell that something was off about Cleo but she couldn’t tell what, yami put the puzzle around his neck as he sat there taking all the information in, about this school, this world, who he was inhabiting and such.

Alright that’s basically the beginning which is probably the most of my actually writing you will get out of this, here is some little scenarios and little things

Cleo’s dad know if atem but only by name and not that much about him, he knows a pharaoh once had the puzzle but that’s about it

Yami is basically just going to be spent living the school life more by himself, he knows that Cleo is popular but he is just not sure if he can have the same attitude towards the students, but ghoulia can tell that something is different with Cleo and does her own research about yami and what not

In the beginning, yami has a sort of distaste with Cleo, by her actions but he soon understand she is sort of putting on an act or is just how she genuinely act (keep in mind I’m not to sure about Cleo’s general character arc and characterisation), he soon understand that’s it her family thats the issue and has a bit of her problem with how her family is treating her and how she is acting because of it

The general plot will be more slice of life kind of as yami has to adapt to living in Cleo’s life and trying to emulate her as best as he could, trying not to rase suspicion but deuce and ghoulia knows that something is up

Yami is actually paying attention in class and when Cleo comes back she notices the notes that yami makes and just thinks it the puzzle, she would definitely notice something with the memory loss but wouldn’t put the dots together or have no idea what to do about it, I have to think about it more of her reaction (maybe it’s a way to bring jackson in the story idk)

Yami is still overprotective and such, but more emotional protection rather than the physical with yugi, defending her when it calls for it, as he spends more time with her and with her family, he notices how much pressure she is under and tries to find his best way to help her as best as he can, Cleo would deny the help but yami would not let it though and at worse help behind her back

A little thing he does is that he tightens Cleo’s bandage for her even when it’s tight enough cause he knows that the bandage is what she needs to stay alive? I’m not too sure how to put it, he even packs extra bandages which Cleo doesn’t understand why and when she puts the away she feels something in her telling her to put them back

When yami is out, Cleo’s eye colour changes to purple and her hair becomes more spiky like ryou’s hair but less spikes and has black tips, she is taller but only by a few inches nothing drastic

When the puzzle is solved, yami bakura is like awoken and he uses the power of the ring to tell him where it is, it points almost downwards and he can tell the puzzle is in America, he takes a plane to America and leaves a note for ryou, when ryou wakes up in an hotel the note basically says “I’m sorry landlord but we had to move” and ryou is hating life and tries to keep it together while in another country as bakura tries to get closer and closer to monster high

Picture this with me, yami in fearleading, like Cleo hits her head or something and yami comes out confused, they ask if he is ok, he just says yes and has to play along for a bit until he is able to safely let Cleo back, just imagine him trying to fearlead

That’s basically all my thoughts for this little fan fic crossover, I though of this as a joke but like, now I can actually see this as a actual thing that can work

[prooverthinker]

My mother was right

she was right. of course she was. I told her to trust me, that I will make the right decisions. I am an adult now, right?

My boyfriend lived five hours away. We got a chance to see each other in person, but it meant we would have to share a room at a mutual friend's house. my family is religious, and my mom didn't want me to share a room with him. But it was the only real option available.

I was sure I was going to be fine. I've had sleepovers with friends and it didn't need to be any different. We're both committed church kids. We wouldn't get into any trouble. I don't want it to turn anything and I'm sure we have enough self-control to be fine. We'd spent time alone before and it never turned into anything. Eventually, my mom gave her seal of approval.

She shouldn't have. Her fears were well-founded. we didn't do everything. not by a longshot. but it was more than I ever planned. I didn't want to want it. I thought I was stronger than this. But given the first opportunity, I threw that all away. I wanted him to touch me and I wanted to touch him in return.

But I also wanted to be the good christian girl I was raised to be. I disappointed myself and would disappoint my mother if she ever found out. But more importantly, I disappointed God.

But it would be okay. It was a one time mistake. As long as we repent and turn around, God will forgive us. But we couldn't turn around. My boyfriend moved, and now had an empty apartment ten minutes from mine. Pandora's box was opened. Each day I would claim that it was the last time. I would turn my life around, I would do better. And then two days later we would do it again. I would repent and turn around, just to fold the next time he kissed my neck. Clearly my repentance wasn't genuine. Faith without works is dead right?

Did I even want to repent? I am not hurting anyone. How can this be the line that God cares about? Ruth and Boaz were freaky before marriage (uncovering his feet? In Hebrew that is a euphemism for other things). And song of songs was about an unmarried couple. Who even decides what laws are for the modern day and which are for the past anyway? We don't have the same risk of pregnancy and other consequences today than in the past. Because those rules were to protect us from those things, we don't need them anymore.

This reasoning didn't work though. I still felt dirty. I betrayed myself. I missed the person I used to be. But I also didn't want to go back. This was something special that I didn't want to lose. I loved my boyfriend, and I loved being close to him in a way I never could have imagined before. I didn't want to lose God but I also didn't want to lose what I had found.

I needed to talk to someone. But the only person I could tell was boyfriend. No one else could know what we were doing. But crying to my boyfriend about going to hell one minute and taking his clothes off the next, wasn't fair to him. It dragged him into my guilt. This was my problem, there was no point in making him ride the rollercoaster too.

So I didn't. After the first couple cycles of us fucking and then me crying, I just stopped talking to him about it. He didn't need to know that I cried. And eventually it did slow down. I started to feel less guilt over time. But I'm not over it. I still feel like I lost something that I can't get back. I will never be the person I was before, and I'm not sure if I was ready for that when I made that decision. I love my boyfriend and I wouldn't trade him for the world. But sometimes I wish I could take it all back and start again. Or maybe I don't. maybe it was worth it. I don't know.

My mother was right. The sleepover was a bad idea.

[onlyjaeyun]

Hi Zadie angel babyyyy!! 🥰

The first thing I want to say is that I am very sorry for not writing to you for a long time. Uni started, I started working, I was up to my neck in obligations, I literally couldn't manage 10 minutes of rest, and I couldn't dedicate myself to what I love. Honestly, I thought it would be too difficult for me and that I would give up my job, and the only reason I started working at all, was to make it a little easier and help my parents, to earn enough to at least be able to give my brother money when he needs it, so he doesn't ask them... BUT that's a story for another time.

And now, first SB!! You did such a good job with that story and I think you should be very proud of yourself!!! I know I am!! I'm sorry that there were so many bad reviews about SB, I'm sorry that some people were so harsh on you when you were doing your best and I'm most sorry that it affected you in some way in the sense that because of their opinions, you threw away some parts of the story, that you adapted the story to their liking, and that you didn't do with it what you had planned from the beginning. I hope you won't get me wrong, in my opinion, SB is a very well written, well done story. It showed us some values that we should strive for in life. You can see the effort and love that were invested there!! But I'm sorry that other people's opinions and harshness are the reason why you didn't do everything and exactly the way you wanted with it.

As far as CH is concerned, it's just the beginning, but it's so already SOOOO exciting, it kind of gets you hooked, and you just want more and more and more. With every new chap, you leave us so curious. I can't explain to you HOW much I wanna know about the reason they hate each other. What could have made them act like that if they were best friends??? What is it that makes them have no problem throwing their traumas in each other's faces as if to say "good day"?! I AM SO CURIOUS!!! SO INVESTED!! Every day I impatiently look forward to what you will feed us 🥹

DON'T even let me get started on the last nights chap, because it was SO GOOD, it really got me feeling things Zadie.. like i was like this the whole time "🫠🫠🫠" reading it. The chemistry, the sexual tension, THE SEX, THE HATE, all of that was so well presented to us.. I just..loss of words honestly..

I just hope that this time you will do what YOU want, what YOU like with the story. Trust me, in the end, the most important thing is that you like your work and that you are satisfied with it. That's when the love and commitment you have and that you provide through your stories are felt the most.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk 🤣

-🐼 (told ya i was gonna write an essay today)

BABY!!!!🥺🤍 welcome back (officially) !!!! ive missed you so luch; am super sad to hear that you've struggled so much and ngl it broke my heart to read that first part bc i know that feeling of trying so hard and nothing being seen/appreciated/acknowledged or enough. i hope you know i'm so proud of you for dealing with this and i genuinely hope you get to take a breather asap 🥺🤍

tte SB review made me go all :( in the best way possible. you guys rrally showed me so much live and support and i will forever cherish that with the entirety of my heart. thank you so much baby, am so glad you liked it☁️🫧

STOp the CH part made me giggle so much i literally cant stop myself from getting all flustered and shy when i read your guys' thoughts and i hope you know they are everything to me 🥺

thank you so much for your reassuring words my sweet love, i will keep them close to my heatt and remind myself of them once i find myself back in thag mindset. thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me this. i love you and hope you have a great day 🥺🫧🤍☁️