#gerald Monroe x Ted Spankoffski

[t1r3dr3pt1l3z]

Gerald x Ted.

Is this literally anything

[aldosesweets]

was doodling on paper some time ago and my partner convinced me to post these

[im-not-a-l0ser]

So a while ago I did a poll on who Mark Chasity should date

For some reason, Ted Spankoffski won???? With Gary Goldstein (Attourney at Law) in second place.

Anyway, Officer Bailey made third, and I'd like to make my case for him and my opinion on the rest of the relationships.

I think that Officer Bailey and Mark Chasity would be so cute because they'd balance. Bailey is intense in an overcompensating way, and Mark Chasity is a sweetboi. Like it's such 😠👬😸 and I'm here for it.

I think that they could have a nice, domestic relationship, that Mark could make Bailey open up and be vulnerable.

Now, if you're uncomfortable with shipping characters played by the same guy, worry not! Many of us have decided that the cop in TGWDM (the guy who's not Sam lol) could easily be Bailey. And if that helps, do that. Because I love the idea of them.

Opinions of everyone else under the cut.

Okay, we're gonna talk about how these relationships would go, and I'm gonna go in decending order of who won. Which means:

Ted Spankoffski- I think that maybe it'd be a gay awakening hook-up? Nothing long term for them. Mark doesn't deserve that, honestly.

Gary Goldstein- This I think could be a longer term relationship, where they meet bc of some legal trouble or something like that, and they date for a few months, but Mark is overall neglected by Gary's busy worklife. They have a civil breakup, and maybe even a comforting relationship if they need a shoulder to cry on.

Offer Bailey- I already said, but I will continue to say: Bailey is someone Mark would consider separating Karen for. Someone he can just be with, and who keeps his life interesting without being abusive or rude to him, and who will be emotionally vulnerable with him, even if it's probably only with him. I think of of ever broke up, it would be so bittersweet. I think it would be Mark picking his religion and family over Bailey, and Bailey holding back tears while supporting him because he knows that his family means so much to him and since Bailey may have wanted something like that for so long (imagine him with a little girl omg) he'd understand even more

No one, he will never be happy- Sad, but realistic.

Dan Reynolds (with Action News, weekdays at 10 pm)- He's someone I highkey put to fill slots, so I'm surprised he made 5th. But like... I can sort of see it? Like, I feel like one would flirt with the other, and the other would either not notice or ignore them.

Bill Woodward (tied with Gerald Monroe)- I have mentioned how I think Bill is straight, and how it makes me sad bc I like him and Paul, but it's prolly one-sided. But it would be cute if he were queer. Someone said they met at church, which I love, but I just think Bill is (sadly) straight.

Gerald Monroe (tied with Bill Woodward)- I feel like this would be more of a similar relationship that he'd have with Max’s dad; a not-even-friends with benefits that's out if the public eye because they are bigots who happen to be attracted to men. They would both not treat Mark like a person, and while he might even enjoy that for a short period of time, he would realise that it's unbalanced and would eventually leave like he deserves.

Kyle's Dad- So, we don't know Kyle's Dad, I just thought it was a silly, cute idea. Besides Bailey, it's either Kyle or Jason's dad that I could see, just based on how nice their kids are when given the freedom.

General John MacNamara- Okay, I get it, it's a cute idea. Uh, Jon McNamara is married though and I don't wanna fuck that up.

Other (Put in Tags), AKA President Howard Goodman apparently- I think this is silly, but I actually like it. Especially if he is with Mark during/after his meeting with Wiggly. Because hooo boy, imagine that conversation. A stuck, frozen, breaking down Howie calling his long distance hubby and telling him 'I just met a dark god and almost died,' and Mark doesn't want to belittle his experience or preach in a moment of absolute madness, so he just doesn't know what to do? I see the appeal 100%

[greeneldritchfurby]

yknow what... Here's a list of Hatchetfield Rarepairs that I think are neat!

Some l've thought up, some may already exist.. Either way I think about them constantly, and I need to share my brainrot.

23oz Chai - Paul 23 / Ted Spankoffski

- workplace crush but, plot twist, one of them is a clone

- Ted confesses, and Paul 23, even though he's unsure if the real Paul would go along with it, accepts anyway.

- everyone in the office reacts to it in shock, and they are convinced it is an elaborate prank. (Its not)

Cat Sweater - Charlotte / Melissa (Charlissa)

- Melissa supports Charlotte through her rocky marriage. Sapphic feelings ensue!

- They bond over their love of cats!

- Crazy cat lady and her sopping wet cat gf!

Dirty Boy - Mark Chasity / Boy Jerry

- Two repressed religious men grappling with internalized homophobia!

- A lot of gay denial and religious guilt in this one!

- Also, Jerry's nature rubs off on Mark a little. Maybe they go a little off the walls together!

Donnapiro - Donna Daggit/ Detective Shapiro

- They start out disliking each other, Shapiro not liking how Hatchetfield News reports crime and Donna despising Shapiro for getting in the way of their journalism

- Slowly, their competition becomes incredibly homoerotic.

- Enemies to lovers, reporter x detective yuri. Solving crimes and being sapphic!

Fast But Pricey - Barry Swift / Frank Pricely (Priceswift)

- I have little justification for this one but.. ldk, I think they would be fun together.

- Frank is just really lonely, let him have a gay lover.

- Their relationships moves fast. (Barry is in a hurry! And Frank is so alone he doesn't mind.)

Latte Bottay - Zoey Chambers / Emmdroid (Zoemdroid)

- They bond over a dislike of the real Emma!

- Zoey is surprisingly chill with the robot thing.

- This also works pretty well with 23ozChai. Paul 23 gets his work crush, Emmdroid gets her work crush, its a win win! bonus wlw mlm solidarity!

Nibblinda - Nibbly / Linda

- Linda treats Nibbly to fine meats and sweets. In return, Nibbly eats her dad and protects her. Overall, a pretty sweet deal!

- Perhaps, they get a little blood on their hands.

- Linda chews people out (figuratively), and Nibbly bites them (literally)

Plastic Cars - Gerald Monroe / Tom Houston

- Hear me out.. Divorced dads realize they are gay... for each other.

- Tim gets a new dad, instead of a new mom.

- Again, I must stress.. middle aged men in love!

Sheiloway - Sheila Young / Miss Holloway

- This is ooc as fuck but the enemies to lovers calls to me.

- They both get someone to confide to about the struggles of lord shenanigans and near immortality

- wlw witches!

Showstoppers - Henry Hidgens / Pokey

- Theater nerds who will murder at the drop of a hat.

- I mean, Pokey did include Show Stopping Number in Inevitable, so that's a little gay.

- They are both just.. really gay tbh.

Spoiled Cat - Linda Monroe / Charlotte Sweetly (Charlinda)

- I think pairing a mean rich lady with a sweet, but this close to losing it, lady is very fun.

- Tbh, I just think the day Charlotte dates a woman is the day her entire world changes.

- Also, I think Charlotte should be allowed to be a little mean for once. Linda would help her be more assertive.

Tentacle Bastard - Wiggly / Ted Spankoffski

- Wiggly steals his brother's toy, and gets more than he bargained for!

- Wiggly tries to scare Ted with his big scary octopus form. It does not have the intended effect!

- Wiggly keeps trying to terrify Ted, but jokes on him Ted is into that, and that flusters him. However, Ted's unabashed bastard confidence has an unexpected side effect: Wiggly catches feelings

Webworship - Webby / Karen Chasity

- Karen finds a new god(dess) to "worship"!

- Unsatisfied wife summons a goddess for some company, and the goddess doesn't mind!

- A little bit of religious guilt in this one, as Karen goes against her beliefs by beginning to "worship" a new god, but its still mostly wholesome!