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#get it.....because waves break.........
red-flagging · 2 months
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offering "last of the late breakers" as a title to anyone writing an f1 surfing au in the near future, free of charge to a good home
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demigods-posts · 4 months
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percy is canonically enamored by annabeth when she's on the battlefield doing her thing (murder). like, this man stops mid-narration to tell us how beautiful his girlfriend is as she's putting these monsters to sleep. so it would be so interesting to see annabeth view him in that way too. like, every time he creates a hurricane. or summons gallons of water from fucking nowhere. she's just suppressing a blush. i need it.
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gale-force-storm · 2 months
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I'm really just Feeling Things tonight about the conversation with Gale after Elminster's visit and like. Gale is So Insistent that if Mystra says he needs to blow himself up, then it must be the best option. The only option. And of course he is! Because what's the alternative? If there's another way, any other way, that means either
1. Mystra doesn't care enough to consider whether there might be another option. Gale blowing himself up is the easiest solution, so that's what she goes with. Or, even worse,
2. She does know there's other options, but tells him to sacrifice himself anyways, because it gets rid of two of her problems at once.
Gale doesn't just assume she's right because she's a goddess. He goes along with it because of what it implies about him, and her, and how she sees him if there is another way. He has to believe that this is the only option. Because the alternative? That he's disposable at best and actively unwanted at worst? That's just too much to bear.
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neptunesailing · 10 months
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mayoi (enstars x hnk au)
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#nep draws things#ensemble stars#enstars#sketch#mayoi ayase#enstars x hnk au#hnk au#ouoououououu i am soooo proud of the mayo on the right hjhjrhgrghrhgrhghgrghrhg he is so !!#showed this to a friend before i posted and they said his hair would taste like frozen grapes and i had to break it to them that it'd break#their teeth JHDHJFHJSDHJFHJSHJFSJD anywayy i might redraw the aira one.. he needs some attention too ^_^ sorry i only design for hii.ai /#alkaloid but THEY ARE MY FAVS........ by this logic i should be drawing more sw.itch but . i just . *waves hands* alkaloid !!! alkaloid so#special to me.. anyway tatsumi has another job other than patrolling with mayo which is why mayo has the winter uni and tatsun has the norm#i was maybe thinking tatsun would be a healer like rutile is..? nothing is set in stone (pun intended) for now ahha but tatsun can still#fight jsut fine!! hes more of a watcher for mayo. mayo fights more since his hardness lvl is much higher than tatsun's. during the spring a#stuff tho i think mayo kinda hides around? still not sure.. youd probably see him around tho in the shadows (ala canon i guess) and i guess#thats how hiiro and aira get to know mayo outside of patrols.. OH the reason why mayo is on winter patrol is because he gets too nervous#working with other gems and he kept messing up and hiding away whenever he did mess up so :((( yeah he usually fights by himself OH I SHOUL#EXPLAIN WHY HE CAN SPLIT INTO 2 its because of the spinel law something somethign rotated at 180 degrees at some axis but ANYWAY his hair#is longer in his singular form but you can see in his split form his hair is cut differently than how we normally see mayo's hair- and also#theyre mirrored!! their braids are on different sides and the side w/o the braid is shorter!! and the moles are on opposite sides too heheh#holy shit i wrote so much in the tags..... anyway THANK YOU SOS SO MUCH TEA FOR REMINDING ME OF THE HNK AU AGAIN AND ENABLING ME TO GO#INSANE OVER THIS AU AGAIN UR AMAZINGGGG <333333
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gunthermunch · 1 year
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no munch today so i just want to say
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theloveinc · 1 year
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Was thinking about it a bit more and I realized… if it were to happen, I don’t think you and Kirishima actually get divorced, I think you’d just… “separate” for a while.
Probably at his insistence, too. Not that anything is wrong, really… but having a kid as a hero is super difficult, and I think Kiri probably gets caught up in the loop of not feeling like you guys are lovers anymore, just parents, and every other hero without a partner is doing so much better than him. On the charts, emotionally, etc... so he suggests taking a break in thinking that not being worried about you would make it easier to prioritize what he really thinks matters (your son and his career)…
Not realizing that things’ll go even more to shit after he sees you without your ring on when you drop off son for his first-ever custody weekend.
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kaseyskat · 1 year
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the thing is. empathizing with the doodler is the hard choice. it's risky. who knows what it'll actually do, and who can you trust? normal or the two adults who very much want to beat this thing with violence? and tbh I think they're doing so well at playing teenagers in this regard? literally a few episodes ago it was all "fuck adults we don't need adults" but they've tried to do this normal's way before and things only got worse!
but we the audience know that they do not and that's the concept of choosing empathy over violence, ending generational trauma instead of continuing the cycle, letting the doodler - an entity so starved for love and yet completely unable to obtain it - go free instead of potentially endangering other worlds (with the kiddads plan) or letting willy have it... it's the entire moral of the podcast. and that's why normal is right about what they should be doing, even if he's doing a horrible job at it. and while I don't think it's gonna be a clear-cut "good" option, I think it'll have better long lasting effects than continuing the circle of violence. that's all thank you for your time
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locallibrarylover · 8 months
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id: the 'I bring a sort of Vibe' meme. it's edited to reads 'I bring a sort of "communicate or break up" Vibe to dating advice that alloromantics don't really like'. end id
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iridescentoracle · 8 months
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Hello! I am here to ask about your Dior headcanons re: the political cohesion of Doriath. 👀
Oh man, I didn't expect anyone to actually take me up on that!
(Okay so I got partway into writing this and then realized I should probably note up front that I tend to stick to the Silm (& LOTR/the Hobbit where applicable, but they... aren't, here) as the most authoritative version of canon, and I can get into why and where the nuances/exceptions are there (I do say tend to stick, it's not hard and fast!), but that's mostly a side note here: the point is simply that I don't really factor other drafts or the poetic Leithian into my take on Doriath, Thingol, Dior, etc, just what we're told in the actual Silm. I also read the Silm as an in-universe history text compiled by in-universe scholars, who, being people, are going to have their own biases and blind spots, even when they're doing their best to be accurate!)
So, this is a two-part thing: #1, there's the political cohesion of Doriath before & at the time of Thingol's death, which i talked about in the tags of the post that prompted this ask but is kind of necessary as context for the Dior part to make sense, and #2, there's the actual Dior headcanons. Both of these parts are very long because I've never really seen anyone else suggest any of this stuff and I want to explain where I'm coming from thoroughly enough that it actually makes sense to people who aren't me, but the TL;DRs:
TL;DR 1: I think Doriath was probably a hot mess politically after Thingol died, with tensions between various groups of Sindar and Laiquendi in the leadup to Thingol's death & Melian's departure, and more political tensions afterwards between those who wanted Beren & Lúthien to come be the new rulers, and those who thought they should stay gone, with someone still in Doriath taking over.
TL;DR 2: I think Dior became Eluchil, potentially at the request of some portion of the Iathrim, hoping to help prevent Doriath from devolving into civil war, and saw dealing with the Silmaril-Fëanorioni situation as a lower priority than stabilizing Doriath's internal political situation until it was too late.
1. The political cohesion (or rather, lack thereof) in Doriath prior to Thingol's death
So, okay, the thing about Doriath is that we don't actually have any real idea of like... how much the Iathrim liked being the Iathrim? We're never told about any intra-Iathrim conflict, but a) the Silm was probably compiled mostly by surviving Gondolindrim or their descendants, so they wouldn't know about anything liike that unless surviving Iathrim told them, and after the Second Kinslaying I don't imagine many Iathrim would've been eager to talk about how things had actually been tense/messy/etc when they could remember everything as having been perfect until it was ruined by the Fëanorionrim, and doubly so after the Third Kinslaying, so why would anything like that make it into the Silm?
and b) what we do know about Doriath is that it wasn't really Doriath as we know it until Morgoth came back to Middle-earth, and everything went to hell.
At the start of the first age, you suddenly get Doriath (the fenced land!) being the one protected area of a continent that used to be totally free and open. How many Sindar actually didn't particularly care for Thingol's style of leadership, or simply preferred to live nomadic lives, going basically wherever they pleased, until suddenly that wasn't safe anymore, and you were only guaranteed survival if you were close enough to Menegroth to be within the Girdle when it went up? ditto how many Laiquendi had no interest in swearing loyalty to Thingol right after their own king had just been killed, but again, made it to safety and stayed there over taking their chances on their own in the outside world?
I think it's entirely possible that there were always potential political tensions under the surface in Doriath that just... never got written about, because they never boiled over into actual political conflict, and so it was never the sort of tension that had any bearing on the historical record.
Except then Beren & Lúthien happen to the world, and a few years later the Narn, and in the blink of an eye suddenly the only king Doriath has ever had is dead, and the only queen Doriath has ever had is gone and the Girdle with her—and more than that, the only rulers the Sindar had ever had for three thousand years before Doriath existed.
And where a few years earlier I think the Iathrim would probably have turned pretty universally to Lúthien, now she's abandoned them for her human husband—and while she's my favorite character in the entire legendarium hands-down and I don't blame her, I think that's another place there might have actually been some very mixed feelings among the Iathrim that nobody wanted to admit to later because how could anyone have been upset with Lúthien—and on top of her abandoning them for him, I think it's extremely probable most of Doriath did not actually get over their xenophobia about humans in general or Beren in specific when Thingol did (we know for sure at least some of Doriath didn't, cf. Saeros insulting Túrin's mother & sister to his face), but again, who's going to admit to having had a grudge against the holy couple of Middle-earth after the fact, you know?
Conversely, there could've been a sizeable faction of Sindar who had been totally loyal to Thingol until everything happened with Beren & Lúthien, but who found his actions towards them and/or Finrod to be where they drew the line, and while (unlike B&L themselves) that faction stayed in Doriath, there could've been a new, additional tension on that front.
Finally, for all we know there were multiple factions within the Laiquendi of Doriath, with political tensions stretching back to before their king died, rooted in who-even-knows!
2. Dior
All of that, of course, sets up a very, very messy political situation for Dior to walk into.
The Doriath stuff is arguably more speculation than actual headcanon, but here's where the unambiguous headcanons come in: I don't think "Dior Eluchil set himself to raise anew the glory of the kingdom of Doriath." Obviously that's how it got written down, but bluntly, I can't see Beren and Lúthien having a kid that stupid or, like, power-hungry and arrogant?
What I can see is a situation where the messenger that brought word of Thingol's death and Melian's departure asked Beren & Lúthien to come take over as the new king and queen, we promise we're not mad about you leaving and we won't be xenophobic to your husband anymore we swear it's fine now pretty please, Beren & Lúthien said no, and the messenger either asked Dior as a second choice, or said "okay fine none of that was actually true but Doriath is falling apart and we need a leader ASAP and there's about eight different contenders* (mostly kinsmen of Thingol or Laiquendi) being backed by various factions and it's going to devolve into civil war any minute so if you care at all—" and Dior said "would I do?"
(* Ask me about my Galadriel headcanon)
I don't think Dior necessarily wanted to be king of Doriath, and I don't think he saw the throne as his birthright or anything like that; I don't think anyone involved, from Thingol to Lúthien to Dior himself, ever considered the possibility of Thingol dying and needing an heir! I think it's possible he was asked, or at most that he offered, and either way, I think he saw becoming king as taking on a responsibility for the sake of others.
(Which, like, "well here's a potentially impossible task that I'm going to take up even though probably no one thinks I'm actually capable of it, but it's my duty to help others as best I can" sure does sound to me like an attitude one might develop when raised by Lúthien "I kicked Sauron's ass cast a sleep spell on Morgoth and persuaded the Valar to find a loophole in the fabric of reality" Tinuviel and Beren "I stayed by my father's side as an outlaw to give my mother time to lead the rest of our people away hopefully to safety knowing I would never see her or any of them again (and then spent several years being a giant thorn in Morgoth's side for good measure)" Barahirion, where "apparently my grandpa I may or may not have ever met died, guess that makes me the king of a place i may or may not have ever been" does... not.)
I also think he either took on the epithet Eluchil, or was given it by whichever factions of the Iathrim accepted him as king, when he actually became king. Obviously he's going to be referred to as Dior Eluchil even before that in retrospect because that's how he's thought of later, but that doesn't mean it was actually a name he always had, you know?
The final thing is, I think if Dior essentially walked into a political situation five seconds from devolving into civil war, it makes his inaction regarding the Silmaril prior to the Second Kinslaying make more sense: the Fëanorioni have been sitting around doing nothing about the Silmaril in Doriath / with Beren & Lúthien this whole time, the letter saying "hey that's our Silmaril give it back now" is probably just a formality, and Dior's only been ruling for a couple years, there's still plenty of people dubious about whether he should be king at all, he might well be subject to at least some of whatever xenophobia remains about humans in Doriath, and in general all the work he's done on stabilizing the kingdom will absolutely come undone again if he screws up; he's trying to keep a kingdom from falling apart, the Silmaril thing can wait.
Of course, it wasn't a formality, and it couldn't wait, but why would Dior have known that?
#shrikeseams#replies#doriath#the silmarillion#dior eluchil#lotr#lotr meta#i guess?#character: dior#jesus christ this is so much longer than i meant it to be i'm so sorry#also my lunch break was supposed to end twenty minutes ago WHOOPS please forgive any typos i have no time to fix#also there wasn't a good place to stick this in#but i also think everyone in doriath probably has PTSD about thingol's death#(many of them may also have had PTSD already esp the laiquendi or those of the sindar who had to return to menegroth in a hurry#when the first waves of orcs showed up#but anyone who didn't already almost definitely does by the time dior gets there#because holy shit our king is dead the girdle is gone none of us are safe now and he was murdered before the girdle even fell#so have we even been as safe as we thought all this time or were the last couple centuries a lie?)#but yeah those are my dior headcanons!! idk if that picture of doriath or dior in particular are to anyone's taste but mine#but if nothing else i like the idea of dior getting to be... an actual person? and someone i can see having been raised by beren & lúthien#and he doesn't really get to be either of those in the silm and i rarely see him in fanworks getting fleshed out like other characters do#and i think that's kind of a shame#you know?#also yes i am completely ignoring that dior's name theoretically means ''successor'' bc like. why would they name him that#that is from an early draft and there is no way to know if ''dior'' would even have stayed his name#if tolkien had gotten around to updating all the names in B&L/CoH etc into modern Sindarin#never mind if it would have meant anything remotely similar#this is mostly a first-draft post written in one sitting in the space of 45 minutes partially while late for work#i have Definitely left many points out and i am sorry if anyone has questions about things i probably have answers / can elaborate further?
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........creachure
#cats#his eyes are always so big and weird he no longer looks like a cat anymore sometimes.. in a way...#it's hard to understand.. complicated vibes on this boy#his summer sprawl (laying flopped out on the floor weird because of the heat)#I AM still trying to get some costumes done and also post another poll advtnure so I can finally finish it lol#the weather this month has just been soooo.... There was the heat wave and then after like 2 days of coolenss where I was like 'ah! finally#I can be productiv!' but just as soon as I had recovered from the heat.. it got hot again ghhhh#currently sweating inside. I actually had to leave my doctors appointment early today because I was just so so warm from#sitting in the car and the fac tthat half the buildings still do not have their air up very high and etc. and I felt so nausous#and flushed and started to get back and stomach pains for some reason.. Which I guess is good in a way to further confirm to doctors that#I Have Something Wrong With Me lol (most normal people should not be this heat sensitive I think) but is also still a little stinky#because I still payed a copay for the fulla appointment time but cit it short by leaving 15minues early.. grrr#ANYWAY. It seems like recently it's just hot all the time but it will ocasionally tempt you with a cool day of reprieve BUT don't let your#guard down! because as soon as you start to think 'hey things are getting better! :0' the sun will be like NO actualy. scalding temperature#be upon ye..#Which of COURSE. I would rather have hot weather with little breaks in between than just constant hot weather. 100% definitely.#but it just always makes me sad because I get my hopes up lol.. JUST as I've recovered from the past heat and am So Ready To Start#On All My Things now That I'm Not As Sick And Hey Maybe It's Even Cool Enough To Do A Costume! .. my hopes are dashed#.. woe and so on and so forth. . Which I am stil managing to get a few things done but just.. not the things I really WANT to do (costumes.#sculptures. edit videos. etc. ).#anyway.. look at son.. If nothing else I still have lots of cat photos.. my sole productivity offerings to the internet online world
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mqonlighting · 3 months
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real talk in the tags for a second because i have a crush on a girl and i. a hehe. ahehehe.
will be burying this in reblogs and never touching on it again
#so random disclaimer this girl is like a year older than me and in high school it’s like a nono for older and younger batch to like be#a thing so i know i generally have no chance but i like to live in my own insanity and the progression of my crush on her has been absolute#ly cuckoo bananas. so like it started out as ‘i wanna be your friend’ and progressed into ‘shit they’re really pretty’ to ‘wow ur so??’ to#‘fuck i like them’ and then it died down and then by all golly it came back but more of a hallway crush now which is bearable bc i’m#not really a part of their life?? like we know each other but we don’t wave and shit and we don’t like ever interact that much so i was lik#ok this is fine bc they literally never think of me so i’m just admiring from afar. and the FIRST inciting incident was i request them onig#and i expect to not get accepted because according to their friends they onyl accept close friends and i’m like k this is a bad idea probs#but the worst that could happen is i get left in their follow requests right?? RIGHT?? but then within like two hours of reqing. lord.#i got. ACCEPTED. and they requested back. and suddenly it’s +1 tangibility like ok?? maybe we’re not as strangers as i thought we were#i later discovered i was not that special for this but also?? cool?? anyways for a while it kind of laid dead and we never spoke at all eve#tho i was in their acc now (at this time they barely posted but whenever they did it was so?? funny like they would slap the randomest shit#on that acc) and it was still a hallway crush altho my friends r awful (/pos) people who would always make me pass their hallway and i#would run into them so often but at this point we only ever like exchanged glances and they would walk right past me like i wasnt even ther#but THEN the second incident happened which was basically we had to play instruments for this christmas event thing and bc they’re literall#y amazing they played for it and i was roped into it and. i was so gay the whole time. bc who wears a leather jacket to school and gets the#prettiest haircut ever right on the last day before a long break?? and the worst part is whenevr something confusing happened they would#turn to me and this one other person and we’d b laughing together. like we r friends. and they’re so fucking nice they were checking up on#us the whole time i was literally dying i kept dropping my pick and stealing looks AURURUGH and they’re so gen funny and interesting i just#and the first few days of holiday break i just couldn’t stop thinking abt them it was so bad? like that was the moment where i was genuinel#like is this more than a hallway crush… eventually it died back down until the next event we had to play together where they were being SO#SO much more comf w me? like exchanging knowing looks when smt funny happens and that stuff.. at this point i didnt even know what to like#think of my crush on them so i just let it be yk. atp they’re not even waving at me in the hallways at all still so maybe they’re just bein#nice! BUT NO. THAT IS UNTIL I AUDITIONED FOR A BAND (theyr in charge of accepting) AND THEY ACCEPTED ME WHICH COOL BUT LIKE A DAY LATER I#HEARD FROM OUR MUTUAL FRIEND THAT THEY SAID ‘yeaa im so happy i got (my name)’ AS IN IN THE BAND. LIKE. HELLO?? HI U THIUGHT ABT ME?? and#during the first band mtg where everyone’s all awk they kept making eye contact w me and asking if i was good and making sure i got to say#smt before anyone made a decision and it. murdered. me. i’m sorry maybe it’s the fanfic writer in me or this shit is literally nothing and#think they’re just nice to everyone but who cares bc it means they’re nice to ME too. and then last week happened. which was like the nail#in the coffin. INTERACTION ACTIVITY. I IMPULSIVELY ASK IF THEY WANNA B GROUPMATES AND THEY SAY YES. THEY ONLY TALK TO ME AND THEIR FRIENDS.#I ACT STUPID. THEY ALUGH AND TOUCH MY SHOULDER. I ASK ABT THEIR CAMERA AND THEY GO ON A LONG-ISH (cute) RANT ABT SMTH. THEY ASK WHY I HAVE#BIG ASS STACK OF POST ITS. WE TALK. THEY LAUGH AT MY JOKES. SUDDENLY. THEY SAY A FULL HELLO IN THE HALLS. THEY WAVE AT ME A DAY LATER. FUCK
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honorthysalad · 7 months
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Yuuki yelling at ‘Hikaru’ for attacking Asako and then Yoshiki for not telling anyone and trying to hide it.
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deancoded-deangirl · 3 months
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hello can nick and i get married yet just asking for a friend
#he's the weirdest dude but he's so fucking patient with me#i need someone patient and stable to ride the emotional waves with me until i get better at self regulating#so far i'm getting really good at telling him that i need a minute or i'm going to be mean and passive aggressive#so then he gives me a minute and i regroup and then can speak rationally#which is GREAT for me who was once so brutally cruel instinctively#anyway by patient and stable i didn't mean he's my punching bag#i just meant that he doesn't match my extreme emotions (he will match excitement and happiness) and thus provides a baseline#like he stays steady so when i'm upset or mad he'll ask why and i break it down and by the time it's broken down i'm like... okay#so there was no reason to be upset#and we talk about impact vs intent all the time like sometimes he a lil weird in talking so it comes off bad#but yeah he's just really stable and so it's easy to bring myself back if no one is hyping me up#and whenever i'm irritated with him i'll still call his ass and put myself on mute and fall asleep with him on the phone#he's very good at calling me out too (he's also great at taking accountability if he does something)#like one time he showed me a video and i only watched a sec before jumping down his throat#and he called me out and i apologized and redirected and all#one time he had an attitude (when I was upset) and i was like dude what's with the tone#he's also good at like... idk what to call it#but he told me during one of those times when i was upset that it wasn't fair to him to say no but then expect him to do it anyway#because how was he supposed to know when to listen to me and when to not? it was a no win for him and it wasn't fair#and you know what? he was so correct and true for it#i apologized for that too#anyway. when can i marry him.#nick
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whynotimtired · 2 years
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The elmike break up scene paralleling robins coming out scene INCLUDING hopper at the end hearing them laugh and barging in bc the door was closed and they just laugh even harder
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yardsards · 2 years
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seriously tho like HOW do those brown parts of amity's hair work???
in some screenshots, they look like streaks
in others, it looks like the under-layer of her hair is brown. and in some cases it seems like said underlayer is the same length as the purple. in others, it looks like a hidden undercut type of deal???
and the new promo art just brings further questions
personally i choose to believe hidden undercut theory because the idea that her hair would be as much of a fluffy rat's nest as her dad's if she didn't keep half of it shaved is very funny
#too lazy to pull up the screenshots for this post but yknow#eliot posts#toh#the owl house#amity blight#i used to want an undercut to thin out my thick hair when i was a teen#but i was pretty sure i wouldn't be allowed to#bc my parents (specifically mother) had a rule that i couldn't get anything cut shorter than a bob#(i was also not allowed to have bright/unnatural hair colours)#because my parents said people would think i was gay and that would bring shame to them as my parents#so i wasn't sure if an undercut would TECHNICALLY fall under the length rule bc the top would still be very long#but it would break the implied 'no gay haircuts' rule#(jokes on them tho my hair is very short and blue now)#when i was in like middle school the hairdressers would do something to thin my hair#yall it was SO BAD there was so much frizz#on top of my ALREADY FRIZZY hair because nobody bothered to tell me that i didn't have straight hair#so i just brushed it every morning and was like ''gosh. i hate how brushing my hair makes it so puffy.''#straight hair doesn't do that!!! you just had VERY mistreated waves/curls#much like with my sexuality i didn't learn my hair wasn't straight til my teen years and i mostly learned that via the internet#anyway uh. enjoy that random tangent#but legit like! why is drawing amity's hair so hard! i Need to know how it works!#this is like back in the homestuck days different ppl on here would draw diagrams of how they thought the kids' hair worked#luz's bangs kinda confuse me like that but it's not Maddening like with amity's brown hair bits
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shararan · 6 months
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tfw you cant write because no manner of seating arrangement currently works without major pain and your body feels like its about to fall apart into pieces jfc if it aint the neck its the shoulders or lower back or elbows
#sharan talks#bed was too soft for my lower back today so moved to my desk#which hurt my shoulders#and now sitting in kitchen#which hurts my neck#basically everything from my joints to my muscles to my skin#are all just brittle to the point of constant pain and fragility#like i dont have the strength to fight against gravitys pull because im too bendy and weak to yknow#urghhhhhhh#at least if doctors didnt wave it off as “its not curable anyway so dont bother” maybe i could get the diagnoses and access to resources#but no i gotta sit here and micromanage everything with the flesh and get unsolicited comments and tips#both snarky and well intentioned but misguided#meanwhile i have no means to truly stand up for myself cause while i have my suspicions i also dont know for sure#i just know that im in pain and that im beyond the point of returning to being able to push through and pretend that im fine#and that ill always be blamed for being the cause of my medical complications that stem from things out of my control#ugh im sorry im rambling and its super annoying and personal just#ive been a mess in the head about this ever since the wake surgery where they didnt listen to me when i told them anesthesia didnt work#and i felt every single thing they did to my skin and laid there in cold sweat trying not to scream or cry#and then having to toughen up so i could take the bus home immediately after without breaking down into panic from the shock#ughhhhhh#its hard NOT to feel hopeless when i sit here and cant even WRITE.#because i cant sit up reliably by my own strength and my thumbs are so bad that i cant write on my phone anymore#ive already been forced to accept that drawing will always be rough for me physically i dont wanna have to do that with writing too#and i know im being overly dramatic rn because im worked up and stressed and sad but goddamn its so hard to stay positive as time passes#which i know is also because its winter which makes it so much worse + seasonal depression#and i KNOW itll be easier when spring and summer returns with warmth#but fucking hell until then can i just go into hibernation#ugh i need to stop im gonna cry JDSKLLKGKGLLGDLK#and i need to lay down im clenching my jaw too hard trying to stay right up
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