#girl !!!!!!! how is it possible to be hyped up and humbled at the same time omg 😩

[girl-bateman]

Specialised rejection letter lets gooooo 😭🙌

[welcometomyoasis]

lets spread some love!!

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

💓

ah i do love all my mutuals regardless of whether i talk to them a lot or not :(( but here are the ones i talk to the most often! (i'm sorry to the moots who aren't on the list, just know i love all of you and i appreciate all of you and let's talk more in the future! </3)

@wonijinjin - my little bear, need i say more? you're my twin, we have so much in common. we can talk about literally anything and everything, we're already planning to recreate all of jihan's pictures when we meet (hopefully soon). i love your heart, your strength, and your ability to make me smile like scoups looking at hannie when i see you texted me. i also love your fics, like your mind and ability to come up with such pretty fics is mindblowing. ❤️ you also make me want to romanticise life for some reason? you make life tolerable for me and talking to you makes me finally learn how to use instagram... like i'm to old for tiktok okay and instagram is more bearable... 😅

@brownsugarbaybee - my angel. i love your ability to love? is that a thing? probably. you shower me with so much love and care, and it provides me with so much comfort. makes me feel all warm and cozy. also, our random conversations about tea or cheol, or the 95 line, i treasure everything.

@heavenfilm - my little cloud, the person who i proposed to using a seventeen song rec list. *gasp* is this my first public declaration of love for you? is it? i love how we clicked. fast. seriously idk how it is possible but we're on the same wave length about so many things, we're so similar (we kill plants so yay!) and we're just such good friends now. idk how else to put it honestly. i do also love your sexy mind and your curiousity. it makes me feel more curious about the world as well and idk to some extent it makes me try to love life a little more than before? also please come visit me :((

@weird-bookworm - my little ball of sunshine. yea that's exactly why i love you. you're a ball of sunshine. i believe my words when i first talked to you were that you were a bundle of bright energy. yea. you versus the sun? the sun is losing tell it to pack its bags because we have a new sun taking over. that's you. don't ever let anyone block your shine. i swear i am ready to fight whoever hurts you (also you're so protective over me? like no i adopted you i'm supposed to protect you too)

@haecien - cien has this crazy and happy energy that draws people in, i don't know how to explain it. you love with all your heart, you're so sentimental and you treasure the little things. it's just so endearing to see honestly. especially when you talk about your love life? it makes me feel single yes, but i'm so invested in it and i'm rooting for you because you deserve all the happiness in the world.

@wheeboo - my little flower is probably one of the nicest, most welcoming, kindest, people in the world. rania just has this really calming, sweet energy around her? she's really like a flower that attracts everyone to her. also her fics? mindblowing. gimme her masterlist and i am not moving from my seat if i can help it. she writes everyone so well and there's always a perfect balance of fluff and the wheeboo trademark... wait for it.. angst! (and i love angst so there.)

@slytherinshua - zanna's enthusiasm is just contagious. i see the way she loves all the groups that she is into, and all the effort she puts into her fics (and the powerpoint presentations). and i get so hyped up as well? personally i find it very heartwarming to see someone who has the amount of passion zanna has and i wish i could be more like that too <3

@babyleostuff - natalia has this no nonsense attitude around her but she's also one of the nicest, most humble people ever. in other words, natalia is a girl boss. she also genuinely loves what she does be it writing the fics, or her line of study. her fics are everything i want to kiss your mind every time i read something new because how do you come up with the sweetest, fluffiest, most accurate fics? it takes me to a whole new level of deluluness 🥰

@justsomekpopstuff - JJ says the sweetest, nicest things :( every time i see a notif from JJ i get so happy. she's like my no. 1 masterlist supporter. also i'm learning a lot about her and the fact that we both have road rage 😃. yea we just became moots but don't ever think you're getting away from me. i'll win you over with more joshua fics...

@planetkiimchi - kimchi is like a little sibling to me. we're from the same country and it's always fun talking because it feels like we're part of an inside joke (but no, it's kind of just the education system we're in 💀) kimchi can also speak chinese properly which i am very envious of :)

@nonononranghaee - hafs. her mind makes me want to die a little because she says and asks the most profound things? like literally one of the first conversations we had was about whether true love existed? that blew my mind. also her writing is just it. it makes me feel all the emotions which is what i'm looking for in a fanfic :)

@addicsvt - can i squish? ari reminds me of a squishy, adorable plushie... literally so sweet, easily excitable, and her reblogs give me life when i see them. she was the first person to compliment my writing and i've since adopted her ❤️

@mangocustard16 - mango's sense of humour is unmatched. and the fics oml i need to binge your entire masterlist when i can. you write so much and you're writing just makes me want to melt into a puddle of mush. also you're really really nice! and i like nice people :)

@eightlightstar - my fellow academia girlie. her fics are hilarious and she always says the sweetest things in her reblogs :( it somehow always happens at night and i wake up to it and it just puts a huge smile on my face. so thank you for that vittoria ily ❤️ let's be fellow profs together?

@woozvc - nora is my person. my fellow panda lover. they get the hype around pandas. but also they are so so nice. i cannot wait for them to come back online soon so more chaos between the panda lovers can ensue </3

@staranghae - cherry you remind me of a very cheery person (hehe see what i did there). you're so hyper and sweet to everyone. let's definitely talk more okay?

@starshuas - adorable, happy, fluffy ball of energy? you just give me such sweet vibes and you're an absolute sweetheart who spreads so much happiness around to all the blogs 💕

[lisannastraussisanangel]

I’ve really enjoyed a lot of your FT headcanons, especially the Team Natsu ones. I was wondering, how do you think the rest of the team feels about Wendy being as powerful as she is at such a young age? Or how Wendy herself feels about having that level of power? (I’m of the opinion that the sheer breadth and scope of Wendy’s abilities, especially with how expansive and powerful Enchantment magic was revealed to be, ought to be a bit of a bigger deal than it seems to be. Give a girl remarkable natural talent and learning aptitude, as well as access to magic that can essentially warp reality (because what else do you call altering the shape of a country and bringing objects to life), and you’ve got to wonder just what she’s capable of.)

I'm glad you like them! I always think about the scene when Wendy is first introduced and Jura, Ichiya and Erza are like holy shit this kid is strong. If Wendy can keep up with them now just imagine how crazy powerful she'll be when she reaches adulthood

Wendy

Because of everyone around her being so strong, Wendy didn't even notice how much she was progressing

In her head, she's still that weak/timid little girl that joined Fairy Tail

She knows she's gotten stronger technically but she's too busy comparing herself to people way older than her

She starts to realize just how strong she is when she starts matching the strength of the rest of her team. Nothing like throwing Natsu through a wall to make you realize you might have some power

Of course, she is very humble after realizing her strength. When it's given attention during interviews, she always redirects to talk about the rest of her friends strengths

It's just not in her nature to be cocky

She does train and study incredibly hard tho! Our girl puts in the work!

Carla

She knows Wendy is strong, but in her mind, Wendy will always need her protection

She also makes sure Wendy knows her worth

Carla will defend Wendy's honor and strength in every situation

She is also adamant about Wendy resting and not pushing herself. While Wendy is strong, it does not mean she has to be reckless

It took a long time for Carla to notice Wendy's strength. When she first started to realize was during Tartaros

Natsu

Natsu sensed Wendy's strength pretty early on. He didn't pay much attention to it tho

He only really started watching her after Fairy Tail got back together

It was almost impossible not to notice how much stronger she had gotten

Natsu, of course, loves it and is rooting for her to surpass him!

He tries to teach her the same lessons Gildart's taught him, but Wendy has already got most of it down

He has full confidence in her and will hype Wendy up at any and every opportunity

Lucy

She realized Wendy's strength during Tartaros as well

Lucy will forever be impressed with the fact that Wendy was able to take out a demon of Zeref

She knows that with Wendy's strength comes people wanting to take advantage of it. So Lucy is very protective

Lucy is always reminding people that while Wendy is crazy strong, she is still just a kid and needs to be shielding from certain traumas

She also pays close attention to Wendy's limits and will find ways to remove her from situations if it becomes too much for Wendy

It's very important to Lucy that Wendy has as much knowledge as possible, so she tends to go out of her way to find books and such to help further Wendy's education on enchanter magic

Erza

Erza makes sure to drill discipline into Wendy. She knew from the start how much potential Wendy had

But Erza also knows how dangerous that magic can be unchecked

The older Wendy gets, the more Erza trains with her

She worries that Wendy could become drunk with power and begin to look down others, so Erza always takes the time to make sure Wendy's morals line with Fairy Tail's (its an irrational fear but Erza has seen what a taste of power can do to some people)

Erza worries a lot about Wendy and the situations she might end up in because of her crazy potential, but Erza will never voice them. Instead, she is always supporting Wendy and encouraging her to grow

She is a very proud big sister!

Gray

He takes the longest to realize Wendy's potential. To him, Wendy is an adorable little sister. He doesn't think about her in that way

Gray finally realizes Wendy's strength when she brings Juvia basically back from the dead

He cannot believe the little girl has gained so much power in only a couple years

Gray feels indebted to Wendy and offers her any help she could ever need growing up

He knows it'll only be a few more years before she surpasses him. Part him wants Wendy to become S-Class before him. She deserves it

He also tries to keep her humble. Everyone is always singing her praises and he makes sure she doesn't let it go to her head

Ego causes the death of many powerful mages and Gray is determined to have Wendy live a long and healthy life

[subtile-jagden]

Oswald Boelcke - Part 2

Fighter Pilot and Celebrity

In early 1915 French flyers started to carry heavy machine guns with them in order to attack German reconnaissance planes. This endeavor was not very fruitful, a hit was pure luck. But it inspired all sides to experiment with armed aeroplanes and gave way to air battles and the establishment of air warfare. Two weeks after setting up the unit, they were sent to Douai where heavy fighting was going on; British and French forces tried to break through the German lines.

In his new unit, Boelcke met an ambitious and talented pilot, he quickly befriended: Max Immelmann. Immelmann reported about this new acquaintance: “Soon it turned out that we fit together very well. We don't smoke, hardly ever drink alcohol, but we like to eat cake. Boelcke is a capable sportsman. He is an extraordinarily calm and level-headed person with reasonable views. He flies excellently.”

With the sale of a number of letters from Boelcke's estate in recent years, the suspicion has crept in that Boelcke and Immelmann didn't like each other. In one of the letters to his mother, Boelcke criticizes Immelmann's self-representation. Immelmann and Boelcke became "famous" at the same time, their successes followed one another. While Boelcke was reluctant to be used as a propaganda figure, Immelmann enjoyed the press hype surrounding him. In my opinion that does not mean that Boelcke didn´t like Immelmann; it is very possible that he simply did not agree with him on this issue. To call them adversaries due to that goes too far. They clearly got along well and even if they grew apart after they parted ways, both knew that they are fighting on the same side.  

By mid-1915, German aircraft were also equipped with machine guns and Boelcke was able to change from his reconnaissance plane to a two-seater fighter plane. During this time the famous aeroplane constructor Anthon Fokker was in Douai to show his new single-seater fighter plane. Boelcke spent a lot of time getting familiar with this new weapon. In June he and his companion had their first victory, they were able to shoot down a French Parasol. Boelcke as humble as ever told his parents to not give his letter in which es described the fight to the press: “Father asks if he may publish my report in the newspaper. You know I don't hold publicity in high esteem. But if you really want to, I will not oppose it. But without a name, of course!”.

By July Boelcke was able to get a Fokker-Einsitzer (single seater). Now he would be doing the flying and the shooting. “My ideal has been reached with the single seater: now i can be the leader, observer and fighter all at the same time”. A sentiment that was shared by many of the soldiers: Manfred von Richthofen and Rudolf Berthold also spoke of wanting to fly and fight alone, to take sole responsibility for everything that happened. He now spent his time patrolling the lines, searching for French artillery fliers and disrupt them in their doing.

And so starts Oswald Boelckes exceptional career as a fighter pilot. But as always, a hero can´t just be a hero in one field of activity: so while Boelcke became a national hero by flying, he also became a hero to a French boy who fell off a bridge into a river, almost drowning, as he had never learned how to swim. Witnessing the accident, Boelcke jumped into the river, saving the boys life. Oh my, that would make for a great movie, though it would possible be called unrealistic.

Boelcke was a young man and therefore interested in girls. He fraternized with the German nurses, even took one up in his plane.

He also met a nice French girl when he was invited to have dinner with Prince Aribert von Anhalt. “I slipped out of the conversation and was introduced to the lady of the house where the prince lives - a very nice mum with an even nicer daughter Ninette, who I immediately became friends with and whom I now visit almost every day to chat in French with her - of course only because of that!”

In September 1915 Boelcke got transferred to Metz, to a “Brieftauben-Abteilung”. This “Carrier pigeon company” was of course just an alias for the actual use of this unist: single seater fighters with the sole purpose of shooting down any enemy airplane. Boelcke was invited to Berlin to evaluate the new Fokker fighter plane, by that time he had already made a name for himself as an expert and his opinion was valued. Boelcke spent the rest of the year shooting down enemies.

By January 1916 he had eight victories, the same as Immelmann. Both were surprised when it was  announced that they would be awarded Germany's highest military medal, the Pour le Mérite. By then Boelcke was a superstar in Germany; every newspaper reported about him and printed his picture. From every corner in Germany he got letters sent to him. While he was happy about all the sympathy, he was also a little uncomfortable with all the attention: “That's all well and good - if only I didn't have to answer such an awful lot of letters! The other day, the German Automobile Club sent me its "golden ADAC badge of honour with diamonds" and recently they made me an honorary member of the Academic Air Fleet Association - I don't know what to do with all these new honours”.

In June 1916 he was ordered to set up a squadron of only fokker single-seaters, the pioneer of the later fighter squadrons. But he was not to be their leader, as shortly before going operational Boelcke was forbidden to fly by the Kaiser himself. As a consolation he was sent on a journey to the orient; this was of course the result of Immelmann's death shortly before. Boelcke visited the Balkan, Bulgaria and Turkey, then he stayed at the Eastern Front for a short while but he returned prematurely because the Somme offensive was in full swing and everyone was needed at the Western front.

While visiting his brother at the Eastern Front he recruited two excellent pilots for his Staffel: Manfred von Richthofen and Erwin Bohme. Both reported on the honour that had been bestowed upon them by being chosen by the famous Boelcke. “Boelcke was supposed to leave again the next morning. Early in the morning there was a sudden knock at my door and the great man with the Pour le Mérite stood in front of me. I almost hugged him when he asked me if I wanted to go to the Somme with him.” (Manfred von Richthofen). “Imagine my astonishment when Boelcke suddenly walked up to me the next morning and simply asked: Do you want to go to the Somme with me? I have never called out a happier yes in my life.” (Erwin Boehme).

And so Boelcke returned to France after six weeks away, with a new task and with new students, both of whom will unfortunately be involved in his death.

[iridesent-folly]

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐝/ 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 (𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭) 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 || 𝐏.𝐓.𝟏

P.T.2

𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨: 𝐈𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐮, 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢, 𝐁𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨, 𝐓𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢, 𝐌𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐨 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (all separate)

𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: 𝘏𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘦𝘤𝘩, 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘍 𝘭 𝘶 𝘧 𝘧 & ᵃⁿᵍˢᵗ

𝘖𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸: 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘚/𝘖 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺

+ 𝘣𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘨𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺 (𝘪𝘨) 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘯 o𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮

𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐊𝐔 𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐘𝐀

༻ It’s on sight.

༻ Y’all dead be hyping up Izuku to be exactly what he isn’t.

༻ Admit it, this man and his friends are a bunch of law breaking delinquents with both mommy and daddy issues who have nothing to lose.

༻ Uraraka’s broke asf, that speaks for itself (sis really got nothing to lose).

༻ Todoroki is a rich boy with family issues that literally called the police chief a mutt and was ready to throw hands.

༻ Iida literally attempted homicide to avenge his brother and indirectly succeeded 👀👀

༻ And Izuku, the leader,

༻ Mr. Dequan (I’ll snap someone’s arm in a heartbeat) Johnson,

༻ The same dude who breaks every bone in his body daily,

༻ Has beat mfs who are 10x his body mass and bodied one of the biggest mafia criminals and his little girl scout possie in one punch like tf (?!?!)

༻ But getting back on track-

༻ Let’s be real, you're his first everything.

༻ The first there for him through every minor decision and huge decision.

༻ For example, “Baby, do you think I should wash my hair now or would it take too long?” Or

༻“Baby, should I give one for all away to someone more worthy?”

༻ You’re the first to reassure him that he is more than a remarkable suitor for containing OFA and should have more confidence in his own ability.

༻ The first there to make time for him when he needs to be properly solaced and smothered within your warm cocoa-vanilla scented embrace.

༻ The first to be upfront with him on particular ideas of which you fueled and supported wholeheartedly or told him boldly how perilous one decision would be.

༻ You sincerely are one of the first to actually care for him when everyone else could care less.

༻ It’s a huge understatement to say that he views you as a light illuminating his life.

༻ That he views you as a literal walking angelic being.

༻ An ethereal soul that grants him heaven on earth.

༻ A deity or demigoddess of sorts (no matter how over exaggerated it sounds).

༻ First day you met him you held his hand (after asking for permission of course), told him everything would be fine and led as his guide to 1A after he claimed he was lost.

༻ Tbh you had no clue where 1A was either but you decided that thinking level headedly would give you both a higher chance in making it to class on time.

༻ Moments like that only further prove how much of a kindhearted, humble being you are.

༻ Even though you're not a pushover, you make sure that he knows and understands that he will be cared for when you’re with him.

༻ It shows him an honest view on how he needs someone perceptive to balance out how conceptual he can get in terms of thinking.

༻ But in this moment,

༻ There was no thinking involved.

༻ The moment he heard your name in someone’s mouth, his ears perked up.

༻ If it was someone harmless, it would be different. He could easily tell you “You know ___ and ___ is talking about you right?” Report it, and the conversation would be over.

༻ But the moment he looked over at the commotion and saw some guy bigger than you say some out of pocket shit TO YOUR FACE, it was over.

༻ I’ve never seen someone run faster in their LIFE.

༻ Knowing Izuku, he most likely attempted to de-escalate the situation and get you as far away as possible (cause he’s a logical thinker).

༻ Which all stopped the moment that mf said,

༻“I was just saying what we were all thinking! Little black bitches like her belong only in bed-”

༻ Remember that one punch I mentioned? Yea-

༻ SLUMBER. He put that bish to SLEEP.

༻ If you didn’t think Izuku was territorial before, think again.

༻ That comment pushed all his buttons.

༻ Izuku wouldn’t even be in a hurry to leave the scene after that, mf just standing there🧍🏻

༻ Then he’ll say some shit you’d never expect in that moment like “He’s one to talk, but he’s the only one asleep”🧍🏻

༻ WILLINGLY went to Principal Nezu’s office and told him that the dude was harassing you after admitting to knocking his ass out.

༻ He fears NOTHING in that moment and it’s scary as hell.

༻ Yet as soon as it’s all over, he’s straight back to “I hope I didn’t take too long in the principal’s office. I’m actually really hungry now” like he switched to his old self 😶

༻ He will die for you.

༻ Please don’t underestimate the previous sentence.

𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐈 𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐆𝐎

༻ In contrast to the Dekusquad, the Bakusquad is actually pretty chill.

༻ I mean, yes, their leader is a spoiled brat with anger issues who gets upset when he can’t sleep on his schedule (8:30 of course☺️),

༻ But the rest of them high key do crackhead shit on the regular.

༻ To get them upset, you’d have to really be trying to push someone’s buttons.

༻ Denki’s the class clown, Sero’s the chill older brother who has the best methods of helping you with inner peace (not excluding weed), Kirishima is your shoulder support of understanding and respect who defends and protects you whether or not it is or isn’t needed, Mina is the lil sister of the group who’s on board with all the dumb ideas while also being the voice of reason and Katsuki really just brings it all back full circle with his contrasting attitude.

༻ No matter how much chill the group has, Bakugo has none.

༻ Push his buttons? You activated a secret missile trapped within the TV no problem.

༻ And that’s where we dive into this new series of unfortunate events.

༻ As Bakugo does every morning, he either picks you up and walks you to school or decides upon patiently waiting for your arrival in class.

༻ Today was one of the very, very, and I mean minisculely few days where Bakugo makes it a huge decision to remain calm for atleast one hour before raging.

༻ So please, everyone, thank this exact same motherfucker who interrupted that only microscopic source of calm quietness by making it his personal problem to disrupt your’s.

༻ It took Katsuki a minute, but once he noticed that you weren’t on schedule or arrived at 8:12:09am as he expected you to ( because who else but him would have your exact time of arrival to class marked for each day of the week 😃✌️).

༻ But his disbelief stemmed more from his friends unusual absence considering that just because at least two of them (we shall say no names😔) are failing in said class, they are not known for being flunkies or inattentive to their grades.

༻ So doing what any other logical person who is a lonely ass mf that cares for their only 4 friends and girlfriend,

༻ He asks for a hall pass to the bathroom knowing damn well that’s no where he’s heading.

༻ Now, lemme describe Katsuki to you.

༻ Regardless of his either nonchalant and dismissive or indignant and wrathful attitude,

༻ Kat’s has no problem with taking his time to understand and respect his S/O’s views or ideas.

༻ All because this is exactly what you have done for him.

༻ When you guys first met, he absolutely despised your presence before realizing the huge deferential factor on how gentle you were within everyday life when considering the well being of other’s versus your opponents.

༻ A huge factor he looked over before shoving you out of his way, attempting to pick up his dragging baggy ass, Tupac wannabe pants and mosey on to class one day.

༻ Yeaahhh, huge mistake.

༻ When I tell you you placed that mf in a headlock that lasted longer than 3 hours because of the lack of tolerance you held for his disrespectful response.

༻ This also led to a dark bruise ring to form around his neck for the remainder of that week.

༻ The following day, when bakugo decidedly walked past you instead of pushing as done previously, you smiled and asked, and I quote,

༻“ How’s your throat Katsuki?“

༻ At that same moment, he became dedicated to understanding why you reacted in such a premeditated manner as if you were in constant danger or as if you were always in harm's way and needed to restrain him as if he was danger for a small ( actually no, this huge buck nearly knocked your ass to the floor and is obviously menacing when stomping through with those monster chomped stompers but ig he doesn’t see it that way🙄✌️) push.

༻ Regardless of his knowledge on his own aggressive behavior, he sought to begin small minor steps to leave his comfort zone and make it so that you didn’t feel the need to be on edge all the time.

༻ One of his ways of allowing you to rest in your feminine energy and feel safe or comfortably reserved was by doing what he knows best,

༻ Fighting and chewing anyone who comes near you that he doesn’t trust,

༻ Even if they had no intention in harming you,

༻ Into miniature kibble pieces like the chihuahua mut he is😌

༻ So I guarantee and assure you that when he walks towards the classroom door window and views his friends around you with Mina being held back and calmed by Denki, Kiri and Sero arguing with the guilty party and his baby girl feeling intimidated and almost forced to stand up to another classmate twice her size the same way she reacted when threatened by he himself,

༻ There had been this click of acknowledgement and understanding that surged throughout him, giving him a moment to take into consideration the emotions you felt when faced with other menacing characters.

༻ You reacted from fear. You felt unprotected.

༻ Walking out of the door was like him crawling out of whatever hole spit him out,

༻ or a fresh sunflower field if you're viewing from his perspective.

༻ When I say, I’ve have never seen someone with their pants around their ankles scatter towards something so quickly in my life,

༻ I’d say you’re crazy and that’s not a person in saggy jeans, that’s a mole rat running for cover before giving an unsuspecting victim rabies.

༻“Now who is this irrelevant?”

༻“Hmm? Oh, you’re that burnt monkey’s boyfri-”

༻ Oops, did they just get their shit socked? Yeah, they’re out COLDER than the joke that mineta is bi

༻ Like who tf does he look like tryna stress out a useless comment from some background character

༻ Well he didn’t.

༻ If you ever ask him about that day he will deny caring but instead will claim,

༻“ I’m the only person you can choke out. That’s our thing that that yeast inflated bed bug doesn’t get to witness first hand”

༻ He cares about you and would risk his 99.999% gpa and class time if it meant having your back to allow you to stay at peace and glowing with affectionate radiance.

༻ You don’t have to stand alone with him there for you anymore.

༻ Trust in him.

𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐈

༻ I have a feeling some of y’all really think I’m not being serious when I say someone need to come get Izuku and his deviant having ass friends.

༻ These non-conformist don’t listen to a DAMN THING and then wonder why they continuously get into situations that will cost them their livelihoods and 25+years in jail.

༻(Non) Surprisingly, Shoto is one of the main instigators in terms of the fuckshit.

༻ I swear, there is no way someone would be that stupid to believe that Mr. Peppermint Patty would not be involved since he literally lives with trouble makers 24/7 in the dorms.

༻ But before the 1A students lived in the dormitories, I’m sure all the shenanigans that Shoto dealt with happened mainly at home.

༻ I have this whole headcanon where Endeavor would be high key racist. In public, he may whisper or subtly hint towards internalized homophobia or even sexist statements on the down low,

༻ But with racism, he will outblantly spew out precalculated statements just to get a reaction out of the person he had been previously speaking to all while hiding behind the excuse that,

༻“It’s just humor get over it”

༻ Or “ I work with black and darker skinned individuals. I even hire them to work for me-”

༻ As if using the same old washed up, my bestie or family or associates are black will excuse him calling Mirko “Rock- loc’s, chocolate Nutella entanglement butter for his Kenyan burnt toast” like (? ? ?)

༻ 1.) where tf did he get that from?

༻ 2.) what makes him think anybody wanted to have romantic or sexual relations to the man married with a Yeti bone from the mountains of caucasus for a wife?

༻ What am I missing Endeavor? What is it?

༻ And still with this knowledge, Shoto completely disregards his father’s outwardly racist behavior and unironically, fetishizingly out of pocket comments no one asked for.

༻ After placing off you meeting his relatives for as long as you’ve been together, he never wanted you to feel excluded from ever feeling as if your relationship never had any source of validity or that you both weren’t something substantial.

༻ Like the amazing boyfriend and best friend he is, he invites you over to those rich, outgoing social networking events established by his grandparents and hosted by his father himself.

༻ Now, ba-BIEee, you were absolutely stunning. And even me stating that is an understatement itself.

༻ If there was a proper way to describe how appealingly charming, irresistibly ravishing, or gorgeously bewitching you had been upon arrival at that event, I would overuse it till it no longer made sense.

༻ The way the dress you wore had tug at your waist and accentuated your hips,

༻ The way the jewelry around your neck had shone, glimmering with its balance of silver and blueish white diamonds,

༻ Jawline complimented by the use of huge stud earrings matching along with your necklace and pendants,

༻ Your click clacking of heels stopping the large crowd from conversing amongst one another as the redirection went towards the beauty in your heartwarming, tender appearance as well as your natural kinky textured hair bouncing with each step as you cling onto Shoto’s arm.

༻ A sight truly worth seeing. One finally explaining the young love you hold with each other as the gaze you hold walking into the establishment becomes one more of admiration and nurture.

༻ Now, if only shoto would’ve been able to understand the sheer embarrassment from the events to follow, it would’ve saved him from seeing you genuinely betrayed by those around you.

༻ It was no secret that the party excluded any given black person who would be qualified to attend, but Shoto had never been on the spectrum of understanding the experience of a black person yet alone a black woman with knowledge of his already pale appearance and complexion.

༻ So, lack of diversity never crossed his mind once. It was familiar to him, so he assumed the same would be for you.

༻ So when the gazes of his relatives and guests laid upon him and his girlfriend, he assumed it was mainly curiousness and the want to bother him about who you were/ who he was with and all the sappy lovey, young couple things old people quiz you about.

༻ That was all until Endeavor broke the silence.

༻“ Welcome, welcome Ma and pa. Welcome family, comrades, and even Shoto and his pet orangutan”

༻ While there were people who strongly disagreed with the distasteful statement, almost everyone began to burst into hysterical laughter as if they themselves aren’t a collective of miserable, ashy pale dust mites struggling with their race against time since they already look beyond 65 years while age 32.

༻ It was also within that moment that you had collected your little hand bag and gently grabbed Shoto’s hand, politely squeezing through.

༻ This poor boy was c o n f u s e d as hell

༻“I didn’t bring any animals tonight. What do they mean I brought an ape? Baby, why are you crying? Were they talking about you?”

༻ A little dense at first but he slowly began to catch on.

༻ Understands already how the comment was targeted towards your race but now was conflicted on whether or not he should make a spectacle of himself and square up to the number TWO (cause that mf can never compare to 1 in my eyes🙄) pro hero to defend his girl or ignore Endeavor completely.

༻ He ignored Endeavor completely.

༻ It’s the only thing he can do best when wanting to avoid the rage of his abusive father and this time,

༻ Silence and distance was his route to go.

༻ It would’ve been easier if this was some random everyday bystander but this was his FATHER and that made it much more effective in harming Shoto as well as any s/o Shoto decides to have.

༻ You both discussed the actions presented to you by a few of his relatives and what he can do to make you feel more comfortable when faced with these situations.

༻ Literally strengthened & deepened the trust in your relationship X2

༻ All was said, done, over with.

༻ Until it became apparent one day that this body built, Arm&Hammer plus ultra strong, second place Almight groupie named Endeavor was still bussy hurt over your exsistence.

༻ 50 missed calls, 190 text messages, 39 voicemails

༻ All exclaiming his distaste, as if he had taste buds to begin with, for Shoto’s choice in a partner

༻“Shoto, you’ve finally answered. Enough shenanigans and listen to my request for all the other beautiful Japanese suitors including I-”

༻ Y’all really thought he was going to listen to bs right now? He has to get to his 6th period class-

༻*Click*

༻ He prioritizes you over any foul racist and ignorant statements his father may have about you anyday.

༻ You’re his baby and there’s no way he would let that slide.

𝐓𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐈 𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐉𝐈𝐊𝐈

༻ Tamaki will not fight unless he has to.

༻ This man is trying to get his composure together and is STRUGGLING

༻ Anxiety on 100, self esteem on -1

༻ Don’t let that fool you though.

༻ He may be insecure as hell, but not once had he ever let those insecurities affect the ones he cares about the most.

༻ Especially not now.

༻ Mans will not hesitate to beat someone’s ass and then cry about how he wants to go home immediately after.

༻ Throughout the duration of your relationship, this dynamic of him being protective and possessive over you while still outwardly showing his insecurities added on to the layer of how much he was willing to go out of that comfort zone to ensure your own.

༻ This is where your day begins.

༻ Waking up tamaki,

༻ Dragging him to the bathroom to wash up,

༻ Getting him to wear something comfortable as well as finally getting him to put on those new vans he’s held in his closet for over a year instead of those old ass, dogged up converses,

༻ Listing affirmations to him and ensuring that he knows not every day will turn out as bad as he believes.

༻ This is why he would risk it all for you.

༻ Of course you’re not only his alarm clock,

༻ But you are the only one who's been concerned with his well-being, making it known that each high day will never be the highest limit and that each low will never be rock bottom.

༻ Even when he himself isn’t in the best condition, he makes it his own personal ordeal to worship the ground you walk on even if it does seem excessive or unnecessary at the times.

༻ All the love and energy you give, will always be reciprocated back to you because of how warm it makes him feel.

༻ An understatement to say he believes you shine brighter than Mirio.

༻ No, literally.

༻ You both went on a picnic with eachother one day, the sun illuminating it’s pleasantly cozy and mellow rays upon you both.

༻ It was in that moment the glistening of your skin’s natural golden and sparkly hue, reflected and absorbed the light,

༻ only allowing such a gentle glow and smile to invade and show on your facial structure.

༻ Your eyes slowly meeting his as you look up from pouring him his own cup of tea, voice reposefully lifting the air’s aura.

༻“You said you wanted honey, right?”

༻ And honey you were.

༻ Oh, lawd, you trying to put this boy in a casket early aren’t you?

༻ Mf was damn near close to fainting on the spot, which made you worried due to how once he stood up to start the car, he was tripping over goddamn dandelions 🌻🧎🏻🏃🏻🧍🏻🌻

༻ Like zaddy, chill please.

༻ But it was those moments he aimed to protect. It is you that he aims to protect.

༻ So him being overprotective and possessive with your presence is due to never having the luxury to be with someone he truly deeply honors and cherishes romantically and never having those feelings reciprocated.

༻ And that’s where now comes in.

༻ The day went as usual, waking up, washing up, getting dressed, arguing over what shoes he should wear, usual affirmations of affection, and on your way to whatever new destination meets your understanding.

༻ Selected destination: a cafe.

༻ This place was something you thought (key word: thought) would be relaxing and comfortable until you both are seated in a dull booth by one of the female workers who handed you directly the side eye and a male worker coming over to handle your order.

༻ After entering the shop, the energy changed which then changed your view on it completely.

༻ You now genuinely wanted to go home.

༻ So you look over to Tamaki, grasped his hand and mumbled to him how it was time to go.

༻ Yeah, no. Gotta blast hoes 🌏🚀

༻ All was going fine as you exited the shop,

༻ UNTIL the same waiter that had previously began to wait you guys followed you both OUTSIDE the establishment, the girl waiter shouting “SHE JUST STOLE SOMETHING, THEY'RE STEALING!”

༻ H U H (?) tf you mean baby girl? Are you lost? Do you need help finding your last brain cell?

༻ It was then that the second waiter had stepped up to you, grabbing your arm.

༻“You heard her nig-”

༻ Tamaki did not like that.

༻ Like who the hell gave these outta wedlock albino rabbie rats the permission?

༻ No one.

༻ Anyways, you call the police to comment on a hate crime and assault being committed only for both you and Tamaki to be the ones taken to the station instead due to how bad that pale polar bear got his ass whooped.

༻ Aizawa was not pleased to have to pick up two hero students from the station but he is a really good persuader ngl

༻ Ever since Mirio and Nejire heard about what happened, they have not let Tamaki go from the grasps of the ungraspable.

༻ They will forever be proud, hands down.

༻ But this will forever be one of the many plights Tamaki will go the to help you understand how much he genuinely loves you and values your existence.

@wockeshaa @morosis-haze @lvlydray @royalelusts @hoetachi @ohstunnah

Taglist

A/N: (You guys finally get to see my own personal fanon version of how I believe bakugo would best go in the both the manga & show that I had written back in March this year 😃🤚 This imagines fic has been suffocating in the base of my drafts since February and I never released it-

I have more but I just never had the liquid courage apart from now to re-brandish and give new life to these that I turned out to love dearly and genuinely in the end)

[imaeraser]

Can I request platonic Akazaya nine headcannons

(Takes place before 20-year time jump)

Kin’emon

He’s goofy

He isn’t even trying, it’s just that he’s a little slow on the uptake

And by that, I mean very

You can be making a joke, and he’ll take it seriously. Then five minutes later start laughing hysterically

Which makes you laugh at how ridiculous he is— and that just leads to you two rolling on the ground. No longer sure about what was funny, but each time the other person laughs, you can’t help but do the same

He’s a perv, so you catch him leering at girls

So of course you tell the rest of the 9, and you guys endlessly tease him

Then he starts yelling about how he’s the leader, and how he can punish you guys

But no one takes him seriously

Even Oden joins in on the fun. That’s when Kin’emon give up trying to save his pride (he ends up making fun of himself)

He tries to act like a big brother, which most of the time doesn’t work. But when it does you wonder where all the wisdom came from

10/10 Expect nothing less from Kin’emon

Denjiro

He’s serious

But in a funny ironic way. Unlike Kin’emon he will get the joke, but not laugh and scold you for not taking work seriously

When he loosens up (aka, when Oden tells him to relax) then he might laugh at your corny jokes, but until then you can expect him to act like a mom

He may not have much of a sense of humor, but he is probably the best when it comes to advice

Tell him your woes, and he’ll have an eight-step plan to fix them

If you do something amazing on accident, he’ll have a newly gained respect for you

That’s because he’s kinda naive

So if you pull an Usopp on him, and start telling grand lies. He’ll believe you

Be careful though, that may mean he’ll give you way more than you can chew when fighting enemies

He will fanboy to you about something cool Oden did

If you don’t get as excited as he does, he will scold you

7/10 too much of a mom

Kikunojo

They are like an older sister figure

Pretty calm

Until you do something stupid, then they’re giving you the worst side-eye. They don’t even have to speak for you to understand what they’re saying

They like to dress you up in clothes that are as feminine as possible

If that’s not your style, deal with it. If it is, then you two can choose outfits for each other

You low-key get creeped out when they put on the Oni mask

Their entire vibe changes, and it’s intimidating

They wouldn’t protect you in a fight, since they trust that you can handle yourself

But if anyone picks on you outside a fight, expect hands to be thrown

I can see you two making food for the others

When Oden isn’t making oden… which is all the time

9/10 the only downside is the shade that is (occasionally) thrown

Kanjuro

You two mess around together

You guys can act out several plays and have tons of fun making the characters as outlandish as possible

He’ll draw something cute for you, and you two get to play with it for a while

If you’re extra hungry, he’ll draw out some lettuce. But when that gives you a stomach ache, he’ll just rub your back

I can see him trying to be a good wingman, but failing (I think the only good wingmen would be Kawamatsu, and Denjiro. But Denjiro would never do it)

He’ll just stick to doing your Kabuki makeup

I think he would be a good hype man

I can also see you two just drinking tea, while the rest of the group is running around, trying to find where Momonosuke ran off to

I can see you two taking a pottery class together (and probably failing)

Anything art related you and Kanjuro like to do together

I can also see you two having dance parties, and (most) of the group joins in

10/10 very fun times

Raizo

Similar to Kin’emon

But the difference is that he tries to impress you with his ninja skills

If you compliment him, he’ll act humble

But he’s beaming with pride

He uses his ninja skills to prank you

This leads to a prank war that no one is safe from

Even Oden wants to join in on the fun. Which ends up with him crushing everyone

Not very good when it comes to emotions, he ends up getting awkward

Unless you’re getting emotion about Oden because he’ll start crying too

He’ll ask you to help him pick up girls

It never works. It ends up with the girl running and screams, and you two bolting and having to explain to Oden why he got a complaint

9/10 it’s all fun and games until Oden joins in

Ashura Doji

Acts kinda like an uncle/older brother

He acts seriously a lot of the time, but when he does let loose he is fun to be around

Why can’t he be like that all the time?

He may not always have the most fun, but he is always reliable

If you have any problems, you can go to talk to him and he’ll listen. And if you ask for advice, then he’ll give the best words of wisdom

And if he thinks it’s appropriate for him to step in, he will

He smells like alcohol though, so if that bothers you he’ll just laugh

I can see him teaching you how to use a sword/fight, or give extra practice

Ashura also treats you like an errand runner

He’ll give you a few coins and ask you to buy him sake, or a snack

If you say no, he’ll get salty

8/10 stop sending people on errands

Inuarashi

Him, Neokmamushi, and Kawamatsu are the best trio

Add you in, and the castle is in shambles

In the best and most fun way, but it is still chaos

It doesn't help when Oden joins in. It only makes things crazier (see the trend?)

Then the rest of the 9 has two stop you four, and Toki scolds Oden

I can see him also giving really good advice

He’s loyal to a fault, like dude calm down. All that person did was look at you, he does not need to whip out his sword

I can also see him following you around (like a dog)

He likes to act as he hates it when you pet him, but he secretly loves it

I think that he would like to read books with you and drinking tea

Can be annoying though, since he’s clingy

9/10 not too much to complain about

Nekomamushi

I think it would take a while for him to warm up to you

Him being a cat, that makes sense

I think that when he does warm up though, you will never be able to get him off of you

You can be laying down, digesting food, and he’ll just start kneading you

If you tell him to stop, he’ll get salty, and leave you for an hour, and then come back and try to sit on your lap

Like stop, you’re way too big to be doing that

He’ll also start to randomly rub your faces together

Like Inuarashi, he will follow you everywhere

That leads to those two into fights (sometimes), but if you pet both of them they’ll shut up

He’d be good at killing bugs. So if you are disgusted/scared of them, then he is the perfect partner in (bug) homicide

If anyone is bothering you, he’ll team up with Inuarashi to beat them up

9/10 there is a lot of similarities between him and Inuarashi

Kawamatsu

He is so cute

If you give him food he will love you forever

Especially eggs, he loves the texture

So if you give him an egg, he’ll thank you and do anything you say for a day

This can be useful if you don’t want to do something yourself

I can see him getting you two matching hats and clothes

Unlike the cat and dog duo, he doesn’t feel the need to be around you all the time. Instead, he lets you come to him

He’s also really good at giving advice and learning an ear

And as I mentioned before, he is one of the best wingmen. If you have your eyes on someone, he will go up to them and start talking about all of your accomplishments. How you saved fifty kids in one day (or something)

With him as a wingman, you are guaranteed at least one date. If you screw it up, that's on you

I also can see him as a very honest person, so when you ask him if you’re idea is dumb (and it is), he’ll tell you— in the kindest way possible

10/10 I need a Kawamatsu in my life

Bonus

Oden

He’s kinda a bully, but in the nicest way possible

He just likes messing with you. I can see him beating you and the rest of the crew up at a board game when you guys were little kids

Like dude, chill

Don’t worry though, if you think he’s being an unintentional bully (since he kinda acts immature), you can just tell his wife, and he’ll stop real quick

But when it comes down to it, you guys are what means the most to him

Aka: If he sees someone or something bothering you, he will demolish it

Unless it's another one of the nine, then he’ll make a family circle to talk it out

He likes it when he sees you and the rest of the group take care of his kids. It’s like seeing his kids, take care of his kids

Then his eyes start stinging and welling up with tears

But if you ask him, he’ll tell you that he is not crying

He’s kinda like a dad, but also like a little brother too

10/10 just stop beating everyone at uno

[viola--lancaster]

aly michalka, lesbian, cisfemale + she/her ― hey look, it’s viola lancaster! they’re thirty-two years old, they’ve lived in shrike heights for twenty-four years, and they’re currently working at macy’s. i heard they’re pretty abrasive, but i think they’re so loyal at the same time. can they make it out alive? || ooc: ariluz, 27, they/them, est

Okay so unlike Dhruv and Hector, Viola is NOT a new character and is one of the very first rp charas I ever had. She’s very very near and dear to me and it’s the first time I’ve brought her into a group in like six years so I’m SUPER hype about this and super hype about this version of her. Some things about her below: 

triggers: family neglect, adoption, homophobia 

Born and raised partially in Los Angeles, California. 

Never knew her birth parents because she and her twin brother were given up for adoption upon birth but the twins were separated and Viola only knows about her twin brother but has never met him. 

Spent the first six years of her life with the same foster family until they put her back in the system. She bounced around a bit before being adopted by a family who moved from California to Shrike Heights. A few years after their arrival, the family decided to adopt a son, and though not bound by blood, it was how Viola came to be the very proud big sister of Malakai Kings ( @malakaism​ ) 

The family that adopted Kai and Viola were less than ideal. They were clearly adopting kids for the money, not for their love and care and when it became clear that Viola was not at all interested in dating a boy long enough to move out and get married, things got harder. When Vi was caught making out with one of her girl best friends in her room one night, her foster mom lost it and went off on her, saying she would kick her out if she continued that behavior. So with all the fear in her heart, she packed up her shitty car, packed her things and left the house. But not without taking Kai with her. 

Due to the moving around for a while, she wasn’t able to traditionally finish high school and got her GED before enrolling in a local college as soon as she had some semi-roots down in a part of Shrike Heights that was far away from the people who had claimed to be her “family.” 

Viola is the definition of a hard worker, always focused on her future and end goal and not so much on her present. She’s had a job as a sales associate at macy’s for the past ten years and to supplement her income she also does tutoring for high school students and from time to time will give elderly folks rides to and from appointments for a small cost. She’s a hustler in a lot of ways, always looking for ways to save and make money. Isn’t too proud to do any job that will help her out in the long run. Doesn’t trust a bank so keeps most of her savings in a box stashed between her mattresses. 

Very much into trying to solve who the killers are. No one knows that she has a board with pictures and newspaper articles tacked to it with red string. If anyone gets her drunk enough to open up she will reveal just how much time she’s spent researching and investigating. Very much open to someone joining her scooby doo gang lol.

Since the most recent attack affected Kai, she’s been absolutely on the verge of losing it and will probably make some careless decisions in fear. She’s telling everyone that it’s on sight if she sees that Skeleton bitch. 

Currently in law school (a feat she’s only shared with a few people) and trying her best to get nice and wealthy so she can buy herself and Kai a nice house someday and also afford to put in the time and research it’ll take to find her twin. 

Honestly probably some stuff I’m missing but she’s a fun time, lots of emotions. Aug 18th Leo. Probably a virgo rising and like a scoprio moon or something, or maybe flipped, some food for thought. 

Possible Connections: 

Neighbors (she’s the owner of a very humble abode in Old Shrike) 

Mall friends & acquaintances 

BFFs, I imagine she either has one v v good bff or like a small group of them. gather round girlies ! Definitely the mom friend. 

Friends around her age who she would have grown up with in Shrike 

Exes & Flings; aside from a very brief stint of pretending she had a bf (which is an open connect too) viola has been pretty on and off with various women. She used to be a bit more reserved about her queerness but these days is very confident and will flirt with whoever gets her attention. She’s a workaholic though, so she can be a pain in the ass of a partner. It has been the downfall of many a relationship 

College friends/law school friends 

Friends of Kai’s. 

literally any friends and connections, viola’s pretty open!

[asphyxiateher]

Only Monsters Come Out at Night

A/N: Debating on whether or not I should put this on AO3. Thoughts? Do I need to edit what I have before posting on my favorite website? Anyways, I’m really into horror and I’d like to try my hand at focusing on MC’s descent into madness while falling for her captors. Dimitrescu Sisters x OFC (Desdemona) Summary: Desdemona, her twin brother and best friend are on vacation in Romania when things go horribly wrong the moment they run out of gas. Desdemona has the misfortune of enchanting the monsters that decided to terrorize her group. 

        It was a cold, pitch black night in the northeastern mountainous region of Romania, a heavy fog enveloping the roads which made it nearly impossible for any source of light to pierce through the gloom. This did not bode well for Desdemona and her friends as they dared to venture through the treacherous weather in order to reach their destination. The humble village of Bran should have been a welcome sight by now although from where the unlucky travelers were currently stranded, Desdemona had her doubts. To make matters worse, her best friend, Veronica, shoved a crumpled map of Brasov, Romania into her boyfriend’s hands and demanded answers. Her hot-headed friend was teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

“Desmond, are you sure we’re headed in the right direction? None of this seems to make sense!”, Veronica exclaimed as she nervously rummaged through her shoulder bag for yet another cigarette. She struggled to light her cigarette this time, the harsh winter’s wind blowing hard against her bare hands caused them to shake violently.

 Desmond sighed in exasperation and ran his fingers through his messy chestnut brown hair, pushing wild dark curls away from his eyes.

“You think the shopkeeper gave us the wrong directions to fuck with us because we’re tourists? I knew we were gonna get shit signal out here in the bum fuck middle of nowhere but come on, the old guy looked knowledgeable. Can’t blame me for trustin’ him.” Desmond casually replied with a shrug. He then took a moment to straighten the map again before folding it neatly and tucking it into his pocket.

Desdemona was of the same mind as her twin. It seemed likely that the locals would be completely burnt out from the flocks of American tourists invading their hometown just to squawk about the castle that inspired Bram Stoker’s Dracula. How exhausting it must be to constantly point out where to go to book a tour or who to call to arrange such things when the internet exists. In hindsight, Desdemona should have known better than to bug the polite yet obviously impatient shopkeeper about their vacation plans.

“Think about it, V, Desmond has a point. The guy probably gave us the run around for shits and giggles. You know, it would have been fine taking a wrong turn and then having to backtrack all the way back into town, but we should have just stayed the night at the Inn. Now we’re outta gas and it’s fucking freezing out here.” Desdemona added, now hugging herself tightly and occasionally rubbing her arms to keep warm for as much as possible.

Veronica growled but relented as she took a long drag of her cigarette, her foot resting against their rented vehicle. She took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. Snowflakes began to drift downwards, and it only fueled Veronica’s anxiety about being stranded in the middle of nowhere in the dark. “Alright, alright, we can either freeze to death in this piece of shit,” Veronica began as she kicks the van for good measure, “or we can freeze to death out there looking for shelter. I think I see a path over there that we can take to find what we need. It might lead us to people who can help us, or it might lead us to certain death. All I know is that we need to make a decision now, it’s starting to snow.” Desmond grins and wraps his arm around Veronica’s waist, pulling her close and pecking her on the cheek. “To certain death it is! Des, grab the essentials and let’s head out. According to the map, there are a few small villages in the surrounding area. Chances are we’ll stumble into one of them eventually and find shelter. We’ll get this mess sorted out.” Desmond eagerly stepped away from Veronica’s embrace and stepped towards the beaten van.

After a few moments of scrounging around for what they deemed important, Desdemona ended up with a backpack full of snacks, water, spare clothes, and the first aid kid. Veronica settled for an entire carton of cigarettes and a few spare lighters because you know, it was “absolutely essential” to her survival in a foreign land. Desmond found a flashlight and decided that going light would be preferable to him in case they ran into any trouble. They paved the way forward, following the path that strayed away from the lonely sliver of road. Turning back to get a final look at the abandoned van, Desdemona swallowed the surge of fear that was beginning to creep up on her. She had seen enough horror movies in her lifetime knowing that this probably wasn’t going to end up well for her little group. The logical side of her brain, what little rational thoughts she had left, gnawed their way through her brain begging to be voiced out and heard.

‘Turn back around, it’s safer to stay put and wait until morning! This is dangerous and you know it!’

Desdemona reluctantly glanced back at her brother walking ahead with Veronica hand in hand and the younger twin suddenly stopped in her tracks. Maybe she should stay behind just in case while her gregarious brother searched for help in these mountains; after all, he was far more easygoing and could easily charm the most stubborn of fools into helping him.

“Des, what’s wrong? I thought we all agreed that we should stick together.” Veronica called out to her, uncertainty lacing her tone as her eyes flicked back and forth between the van and a terrified looking Desdemona.

Nervously fidgeting in place, Desdemona struggles to settle the conflicted thoughts warring in her mind. She knows that staying behind and waiting for help would be the wisest course of action, but there was safety in numbers. There’s danger lurking beyond the vast expanse of mountains that surrounded them and she would be utterly defenseless if left alone. Desdemona’s instincts were begging her to go back to the van but the connection she shared with her twin demanded that she follow him through the sketchy path that would most likely lead to their demise. She couldn’t let anything happen to Desmond, she would never forgive herself if something happened to him out here.

With a shaky resolve, Desdemona straightened up and gazed back at Veronica with a small smile on her face. “I’m just nervous, you know. Desmond and I binge watched all the Wrong Turn movies last Saturday so being out here alone in the dark is uh, freaking me out a little. I’ll be fine, though, let’s just keep going.” Desdemona lied as she rushed over to her best friend who rolled her eyes at the revelation.

“No wonder you’re acting all sketch, Des. First of all, binge watching horror movies the weekend before your vacation was stupid as hell so now you’re all hyped up over nothing. Secondly, Wrong Turn sucks. Y’all should have binged Hatchet, Danielle Harris is so hot!” Veronica declared, eager to get conversation going as the three of them trekked through a rocky and narrow trail that led to who knows where.

Desmond was quick to reply in defense of his favorite horror movie franchise and Desdemona was thankful to hear them bicker back and forth. The conversation drowned out the sound of cold whispers tickling naked branches in the distance, the loud crunching of their footsteps on the snow-covered ground, and ravens crying out above them. It was so eerie and something about it all didn’t sit right with Desdemona. She hooked an arm around Veronica’s free arm and together they discussed their favorite horror movies. Veronica could tell her best friend was still a little spooked, so she pulled her closer until she was pressed against her side to provide as much comfort as she could give.

The trail continued to narrow the further they moved along but nothing they observed thus far gave the impression that that anything was out of the ordinary. When they reached a clearing, Desmond sighed with relief. His breath steaming the frigid air was nearly the only thing they could see ahead if it weren’t for the flashlight providing what little comforting light source they had. The snow fall began to pick up the pace but it wasn’t blinding, thankfully. Desmond brushed aside large shrubs and stepped further into the winding path, coming to a full stop when he realized what lay ahead of the weary travelers.

The trio stared in awe at the overpowering sight of a 15th century castle looming over a quiet village sheltering underneath a blanket of darkness, or what Desdemona assumed was its shadow. No amount of fog could hide the monstrosity that was the architectural brilliance of this castle that Desdemona saw before her very eyes.

“Desmond, honey, where the hell do you think you’re going? Don’t leave Dezzy and I behind!” Veronica suddenly shrieked as she sprinted after her overly excited boyfriend down the hill that led into the village. Desmond turned around and could only offer a sheepish smile with a shrug before eagerly running into the unknown. Desdemona tore her gaze away from the castle and spurred into action, jumping and running as fast as she could in order to catch up with her twin.

Desmond was energized by both the cool crisp air and the promising sight of civilization, but that energy was quickly drained out of him when he encountered something wholly unexpected. Veronica reached the eldest Hawthorne sibling and was about to admonish him for leaving the two frightened girls behind, but she was quickly shushed by Desmond. Desdemona quietly approached the scene, her eyes widening when she realized that this was not the village of Bran at all.

They had indeed reached a small village but it looked completely obliterated. The houses looked shattered and broken, as if something gigantic and menacing had come through and picked away at the people that once inhabited this community one by one. Desmond cautiously led the group forward, calling out for any signs of survivors. This wasn’t on the itinerary…

Veronica was on the verge of tears, her hands covering her mouth as she observed the tragic scene before her. Every now and then, she would step into a broken home and call out to somebody – anybody- only to step back out with a grim look on her face. She pulled out her cell phone and attempted to dial emergency services only to be met with disappointment.

“There’s blood.” Desmond says quietly. His eyes peer over the trail of fresh blood and fear grips him the moment the flashlight scans over the corpse of a rotting horse. “Fuck, that stench – we need to get the fuck out of here now!” Veronica cries, gagging and turning away from the horrific view.

Desdemona would have expressed an equally strong reaction had she not felt a sense of…wrongness abruptly assaulting the atmosphere. The moment they stepped foot into the village, the environment reacted to their presence and that did not sit right with Desdemona at all.

“Desmond, do you hear that?” Desdemona asked, her voice laced with terror. Desmond Hawthorne heard the fear in his sister’s quivering voice and it made him feel uneasy. “I don’t hear anything, Des.” He replies as he reaches for Veronica’s hand and squeezes it tight. The couple began to frantically look around them as they slowly backed into Desdemona. As soon as they grouped up again, both Veronica and Desmond wrapped themselves around the youngest sister. The oppressive silence sent a whole new wave of fear over the group before something insidious could be heard approaching them in the distance. Desdemona gasped when she heard maniacal giggling and it was getting louder. A fluttering of what sounds like wings -bats, ravens, perhaps- advancing towards the group sent chills down Desdemona’s spine. What the hell was coming after them?

Desmond flashed his light from side to side before it settled on the massive black ball of insects that instantly appeared before him. The insects dissipated and somehow revealed the shape of a human being wearing a dark robe and hood. The only thing he could truly make out was the color of a red pendant wrapped around dainty, pale skin and a blood smeared smirk. Desmond’s heart dropped in absolute horror and panic immediately set in.

“RUN!” He screamed, taking off with a terrified Veronica in tow. Neither of them looked back to make sure Desdemona was following. The flashlight dropped, and it briefly circled the ground. The flickering light revealed two other black masses of insects approaching the younger Hawthorne sibling who was paralyzed with fear. All she could hear in that moment was delirious laughter coming from the women that revealed themselves two seconds later, the insects dissolving into thin air right before her very eyes.

The crazed woman standing directly in front of Desdemona leaned forward and took her time sniffing her pretty prey who stared at her with petrified gray eyes. Desdemona found it alarming that despite the lunatic’s appearance, dried blood caked on her lips and unruly red hair and a wild, untamed look in her eyes, she found her quite…striking. Perhaps she was going mad. None of this made sense, how could this be happening right now?

“Mmm, sisters, look at what I found. Such a pretty young thing all for me and she smells oh so delicious.” The woman with the green pendant spoke, giggling madly at the profound effect she had on Desdemona.

 “Daniela, you’re delusional, she’s mine; I’m the one who picked up on her tasty scent!” The one with the red pendant spoke after she turned her attention to the only human who didn’t run from them.

The brunette with the yellow pendant reached over and yanked on Desdemona’s hair so hard back, Desdemona thought her life was over. She bared her teeth as she skimmed her nose across the young woman’s neck. Her tongue darted out between blood smeared lips and left a wet trail, causing the smaller woman’s breath to hitch at the unwelcome contact.

“Mmm, she smells so utterly divine. Bela, by the way, it wasn’t you who found MY new pet, it was me! You ungrateful wretches always want to touch what’s mine!” The hooded figure’s grip on her hair tightened and Desdemona whined, causing all three women to delight in her torment.

What Desdemona couldn’t figure out was what they wanted to do with her exactly and why they were fighting over her like three starved wild dogs fighting over a piece of meat. She needed to get out of there fast. “LET GO OF MY SISTER, YOU UGLY CUNTS!” Desmond’s angry voice broke through in the distance and all three creatures turned their attention on the young man who dared interrupt dinner time.

Desdemona decided this was the time to take advantage of their distraction and she quickly slipped away, sprinting as fast as she could to the nearest unoccupied house. Desmond, relieved that his sister broke free from whatever those things were, spun on his heel and ran the opposite direction. He could only hope that all three of them would make it out of this godforsaken village alive.

All three women threw their heads back and laughed wildly into the air as they knew catching their prey would be much more satisfying when they caught them alone in isolated surroundings. It added to their fear and it made the blood taste that much sweeter.

“The hunt is on, sisters. Leave the pretty plaything alive, but the others, we will present to our dear mother as gifts. We’ll make the new pet watch mother undo their very lives; it’ll only make her that much more delicious when we have our fill.” The one with the yellow pendant stated as she sniffed at the air, shuddering when Desdemona’s irresistible scent filled her nostrils once more.

Desdemona found refuge in a large house a few yards away and slammed the front door shut when she ran inside. She quickly assessed what she assumed was the living room, she found a bookcase and summoned whatever strength she had and brought it down in front of the door. She heard something clawing at the door the instant she blocked the entrance, the door shaking violently and mad laughter filling her ears once more.

Desdemona shakily reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, turning on the flashlight and began to look for another way out.

‘Jesus fucking Christ, Jesus Christ! What the fuck are those things!? Where’s Desmond? Is Veronica alright? How the hell do I get out of here? I just want to go home!’ Desdemona’s mind was running through a million thoughts per second but she couldn’t for the life of her settle on anything that would give her a moment’s peace. She was sobbing uncontrollably as she explored the dark home, her hands stretched out in front of her as she searched for anything that would provide answers to her problems. When she found a door near the kitchen, she cautiously opened it and cursed the eerie creaking sound that followed. It was discovered that the door led to a cellar of some kind and Desdemona rushed down the stairs without closing the door behind her. She slowly scanned the large open space and saw that this home had been recently ransacked or rummaged through. Clothes were scattered across the floor, furniture had been broken in half and tossed carelessly to the side but Desdemona found a hallway beyond the room she was in. ‘That must be the way out. Hurry up and grab something to protect yourself with!’

Desdemona carefully tip toed around the clutter, her phone flashing from side to side but to no avail, she couldn’t find anything that would prove harmful to whatever those monsters were outside. The woman nearly tripped over and fell when her foot stepped in something thick and wet, causing her foot to slip forward. Desdemona quickly steadied herself on a cabinet but it didn’t make her feel any better when she realized her fingers were covered in a thick, red substance.

Her breathing growing heavier, Desdemona flashed her phone light over to the cabinet only to find that it was covered in blood – a lot of it, to be exact and it was still dripping on the floor as though it were fresh.

All color drained from Desdemona’s face when she heard pained howling coming from the village; it was Desmond and he was screaming for help. Her twin was in danger and here she was selfishly trying to find a way to preserve her own life.

She quickly twisted around to run towards the howling but she stopped dead in her tracks when a black mass of insects appeared before her. The cloaked figure could only be identified by the color of her green pendant and a delirious smile plastered on her face. Fresh blood dripped down her chin and Desdemona’s eyes reluctantly followed the pool of blood forming at their feet. There was a sickle in her right hand and it was covered in blood, much to Desdemona’s dismay.

Desdemona began to tremble, overpowered by the frightening sight and the implications that followed a bloodied sickle carried by a madwoman. “The sound of your heart hammering against your chest is like music to my ears, pretty thing. Do not fret, my beauty, the moment we met I knew you were special. You’re meant to be mine, we’re meant to be!” She whispers madly, her tongue wetting her lips as her eyes rake over Desdemona’s body slowly and deliberately.

Desdemona doesn’t know what she’s talking about and she doesn’t want to know. Before she could form any kind of response, she’s pinned against the bloody cabinet behind her. She gasps in surprise and that seems to trigger the creature into action.

Desdemona screams as the hooded woman lunges at her collarbone and pierces through her skin with her razor sharp teeth. Desdemona weakly clutches at the woman’s shoulders, growing lightheaded from the sudden blood loss that was occurring. Feeling the woman about to collapse in her arms, Daniela pulls back and savors the taste of her blood. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she sloppily licks the blood off her mouth and regains what little self-control she had left to preserve her pretty plaything for a little while longer.

When dazed gray eyes meet hers, Daniela’s cold, black heart skips a beat. She had never seen anything more beautiful. So she raises her sickle, causing Desdemona’s eyes to widen in panic and Daniela can’t help but giggle a little.

“Don’t worry, my beauty, I’ll be gentle with you. The hideous man-thing and his bitch aren’t going to be as lucky as you, I hope. You deserve special treatment.” Daniela whispers, her fingers caressing her prey’s tear-stained cheek before swinging the sickle with full forced into the back of Desdemona’s thigh.

Desdemona remembers a high-pitched shriek escaping her but nothing else seems to come to mind after that. She remembers her vision blurring and a creeping darkness soothing her to sleep but what happened after, nothing. She enters the haunting abyss that welcomes her with black tendrils pulling her from reality, sleep coming to her easily. With better luck, she’ll never have to wake up again.

Only fools believe in luck as the nightmare has only just begun.

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Alrighty, time for the rest of chapter 12! Featuring the Smile of a good bean, and the cool shenanigans of our favorite zoomy boy. 

(Honestly, this bit really IS cool, not gonna lie.)

[No. 12 - Yeah, Just Do Your Best, Iida!]

We transition into Lunch Rush’s cafeteria, where our intrepid trio is eating lunch together. (Also, I think this is the first mention of the support and business courses.)

I really need to save this as a reaction image, it’s just so cute. <3 

Izuku is still worried about whether he can really be class president. Ochako and Tenya both assure him he can, with Tenya going on to explain how Izuku’s grit and decisiveness in a pinch makes him perfectly suited to lead, thus why Tenya voted for him. Which comes as a shock to Izuku.

Ochako notes that Tenya wanted to be president as well, plus comments on him having the glasses and everything. Izuku thinks that Ochako really just says whatever pops into her head. Tenya replies that ambition and suitability are different, and that he felt he made the right choice. 

Both Izuku and Ochako notice his use of ‘humbly’, with Ochako asking if Tenya’s a rich kid based on how he talks. Both of them listen as Tenya explains that he tried to hide it, since he doesn’t like people to know, but he does come from a renowned hero family, the Iidas, and that he’s the second son. The two think this is pretty cool.

Lookit that family legacy, can’t believe grandma Iida is still around and kicking. The one right next to her is Tensei with that forward horn on the forehead, while the man in front and the woman on the left… probably one parent and their sibling, or both parents but one’s hiding the lack of engine quirk with the armor. But this shows that the Iida family has been in heroics for a long time… possibly even since the dawn of quirks… (cough cough)

Tenya asks if they know the turbo hero, Ingenium. Izuku, being a hero nerd, confirms it immediately, getting excited to ramble about the 65 sidekicks at his Tokyo office, before he then connects the dots and determines that Tenya’s related. 

Lookit that, so excited to meet a fellow fan of Tensei. These boys…

Tenya confirms that Ingenium is his brother, with the other two impressed that he’s so frank about it. Tenya goes on to describe his brother’s leadership and his strict adherence to rules and regulations, and that it’s Tenya’s admiration for his brother that’s inspired him to become a hero. 

(Not pictured: Me, trying to imagine Iida Tensei following a single damned rule in his life.)

(Hmm, where do we see the most of Tensei’s personality come from, anyways? I’m guessing the Vigilantes manga, right? Still makes this so hilarious I cannot even.)

Anyways, moving on. 

An Smile. I just had to change my discord pfp to this because it’s so Good. 

Tenya knows he’s not ready to lead anyone yet, thinking about his talk with Izuku back in chapter 5 about the true nature of the entrance exam. He repeats his belief in Izuku as the superior candidate for the role. 

Ochako and Izuku, much like me, are temporarily at a loss for words at seeing such a pure, good smile from our serious boy. Ochako tells Tenya she’s never seen him smile before, which startles Tenya before he assures her that he does smile on occasion. Izuku watches on with an awkward but fond smile, thinking about how, just like he has All Might, Tenya has Ingenium, and that he-

Whatever the thought, it’s cut off by a loud alarm, startling all three of them (poor Ochako, choking on her food like that.) The intercom then announces to the concerned students that security level three has been broken (aka someone’s gotten into the school proper), and that students need to evacuate in an orderly fashion.

The students:

I dunno what else the school expected, really. In the one panel before this, Tenya asks a third year what’s happening. The student replies that a level three breach means someone’s infiltrated the school, and that that hasn’t happened in any of the student’s two and change three years there. The kid then warns them to get outta the cafeteria with the rest of them (and also makes an aside about Tenya’s hand chopping I guess?)

The three end up getting caught up in the crowds, being shoved around inside the stampede. Ochako wants to know what’s going on, Tenya makes a comment about the rapid response to danger that feels like it’s just a touch sarcastic, but it’s so hard to tell with him because he’s so earnest. Izuku makes an aside that the response is maybe a bit too rapid, and that everyone is panicking.

RIP Deku, guess it’s time for Tenya to become the new main character. Press f in the tags to pay respects to our fallen protagonist.

Our new champion takes to the role immediately, wanting to figure out who could have infiltrated. He unceremoniously gets shoved into a window right afterwards, where he can see the press within the school grounds. 

Said crowds are crowding around Present Mic and Eraserhead, demanding a comment from All Might or even the staff in general. They try to warn off the crowds with how All Might’s out for the day, and that giving an inch will have them demanding a mile. Mic asks aside about how this is illegal, even villainous, wondering whether they can be blown away already. Eraserhead tells him to lay off on it, and that the media will write what they want either way. Better to just wait for the police.

Tenya tries to let the students know that there’s no danger, it’s just the media, but no one is listening because of their panic. Tenysa wonders where the teachers are, and if they’re all dealing with the press. He then notes Kirishima and Kaminari caught up in the crowds, and determines that no one knows that it’s a false alarm because of their panic. With a brief shriek, he’s alerted to Ochako being dragged away from him by the crowd (which how it took this long for that to happen is a wonder - maybe she’d been trying to fight her way to him through the crowds to stick together? Would make sense…)

I love this, because he already puts his admiration for Izuku - and his confidence in Izuku’s abilities to handle a crisis - at the same level as his brother. God, I love these three, they are the goodest of friends. <3

Tenya gets Ochako to use her quirk on him, their hands slapping together before Tenya leaps up above the crowds, losing his glasses in the process. (No wonder he has whole shelves if he loses or breaks them this often!) He thinks about what will get the crowds attention, eying the exit that everyone is trying to crowd out through. His shoes fall off as he tugs up his pant legs to unveil his engine thighs (which are fucking HUGE what the hell) and turns them on to boost himself across the room gracefully.

And by ‘gracefully’, I mean ‘not at all graceful’. Though I do wonder if this eventually gets turned into a super-move between Ochako and Tenya once he gets a better handle on momentum and angles for movement in zero g. 

(Oh, and turns out Izuku’s still alive, just stuffed deep inside the crowds. Guess the funeral is delayed a while longer, folks.)

Tenya grabs onto the pipe above the exit for stability, taking a moment to catch his breath and center himself before shouting out at the crowd. He thinks about how he needs to make his announcement short, concise, and bold, while out loud he tells everyone that everything’s fine. The crowd stops to stare and listen as Tenya explains that it’s just the press, and that there’s nothing to panic about. He goes on to chastise them a bit - this is UA! Behave like you belong there!

We fade out and to a bit later, when the police arrive and the reporters are driven away. Mic cheers as they’re gotten rid of.

Meanwhile, in class, Momo encourages Izuku to go ahead. Izuku is nervous as he explains about choosing other student council members, but that something else needs to happen first. He then says that he feels Tenya is better suited to be class president, picking up confidence as he focuses the class attention elsewhere. He explains how Tenya led everyone in the crisis, so he feels he’s the right choice for the job. Kirishima and Kaminari agree, hyping up Tenya’s actions more.

Aizawa tells them to get on with it with a glare. Izuku’s narration concludes that that was how Tenya became class president while Tenya stands up and says he’ll accept the job. The class jokingly cheers for ‘Exit Sign Iida’ (the first class meme, how sweet) while Izuku wonders how ‘they’ managed to… something. I’m guessing this is his own thoughts drifting to how the media got in, since that’s what we transition to right after.

(Also, Momo there sweating wondering if her position is safe.)

At the gate, we see Nedzu, Recovery Girl, Thirteen, and Midnight examining the damages done. Nedzu notes that no ordinary reporter could have managed this break-in. SOmeone else instigated this, but the question then becomes whether someone actually slipped inside, or if this is the start of some greater war.

And on that ominous note, we end chapter 12! Although I wonder why none of the reporters even stopped to question the destruction of the gate in favor of getting inside and demanding answers about All Might. Ah well, I don’t think the media in this series is exactly portrayed to be in any form accurate, so. :)

[mythiccheroacademia]

Girl honestly, you’re so confident and I live for it. I’m filled with anxiety and it gets worse not to mention how I feel left out cause of my skin color. 🖐🏽 Like how do you do it highkey? 😭✋🏽

aww i appreciate this a lot! it took me awhile to be genuinely confident w myself so i hope you don’t beat yourself up over where you are now. i literally had like zero confidence up until these past couple of yrs lmao,,,i’ll go into detail w stuff that worked for me below the line! srry it’s a lil long hehe

i just wanna say that i still get insecure/anxious about things but it’s easier to manage and it’s not a sinking feeling. it’s more of a fleeting thought! so those bad thoughts don’t disappear but one day you’ll be able to recognize that they’re just thoughts and not defining characteristics!

- i surrounded myself both physically (ik that’s not always possible) and social media wise w people that looked like me/things that uplifted black beauty (especially dark skin!) so everywhere i looked, it was a constant reminder that my skin/body are beautiful

- this is a lil weird but i woke up one day and just started looking in the mirror and found at least one thing i liked about myself even if it was small. now i tell myself i’m a pretty bitch every day and believe it LMAO

- i stopped w the self deprecating jokes and stopped deflecting any compliments i got bc i realized that wasn’t me being humble, it was just me expressing how little i thought of myself and ppl take advantage of that tbh

- i own my faults. i have big ass thighs, constant eye bags, and i’m a sweaty ass bitch tbh 💀 and niggas still in my dms purrr 😌 nah but accepting stuff like that just made it easier to look over them plus no one could use it against me

- i only do things that make me feel good about myself

- i went to therapy 💀

- this one took A LOT of time to do but i stopped taking shit from ppl/stopped trying to be a ppl pleaser when it didn’t matter. ofc, i care about ppls feelings and their space but opinions about superficial things like my looks or something? i honestly do not care bc at the end of the day, worrying about what they think only stresses me out and girl my ass is too fat for dat

- i gave myself the same grace i gave to ppl when they mess up

- i don’t be around ppl that make me feel bad about myself in a malicious way (aka: i had to learn how to not be friends w just anybody bc i was one of those ppl that wanted EVERYONE to like me)

- i have a solid group of friends and we hype each other up w genuine love so that’s really nice

- remind yourself that, at your core, nothing about you is a mistake

- what i think really worked was the fact that i faked it till i believed it. no cap, you can deadass convince yourself of anything. i would make myself act like i was confident and do it until i actually was. also, role models to look to for confidence helped as well

srry that was a lot but i hope it helped! it’ll take a min but you’ll get there on your own time. cheering you on anon <3

[jacques-review]

“I Am Human”: The Spectacular Sha’Carri Richardson

Introducing the One and Only

Sha’Carri Richardson is the talk of the town, again. No, it’s not for her “10.72 seconds to win the 100 meters at the 2021 Miramar Invitational.” It’s not about missing the Olympics due to failing a drug test. Nor is it about the passing of her mother. No, this time it’s about her ninth-place finish at the 2021 Prefontaine Classic. This event was hyped up as being the ultimate showdown between Richardson and the Jamaican Olympic sprinting group led by Elaine Thompson-Herah.

In fact, I initially set out to write about Thompson-Herah. I wanted to say a few words about this amazing time in women’s sprinting history. Sure, there is Florence Delorez Griffith Joyner, also known as Flo-Jo, of 1980s fame. But she’s not someone that I can say I saw run although I was alive at the time. Besides Elaine, there is also the legendary Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce who is holding on to second place in the world at the age of 34. These two Jamaicans have made women sprinting enjoyable and fans out of us all (well, most of us)! I’m hoping to continue to see Elaine remain a dominant force in the sport for the next 3 - 4 years.

The more I observe the Prefontaine post women’s 100m reactions, the more I felt obligated to shift my writing focus from Elaine to Sha’Carri (Henceforth, Carri). My initial focus on Elaine was also due to the amount of attention Carri was getting despite the fact that she wasn’t the winner of the race. In a sense, I felt like Elaine’s moment was being dwarfed by Carri. The fastest woman in the world at 100m wasn’t being talked about as much as the last-place finisher.

I wanted to contribute to shifting the focus from Carri to Elaine. But the noise on the digital street was too loud and demonizing.

Birth of a Shooting Star

In the beginning (at the start of the year, of course), the attention being given to women’s track and field by the public wasn’t noticeable. In my usual circles and in the corners of cyberspace that I frequent, “not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” The world, it seems, woked from its slumber to the tune of Carri running a 10.72 in April. Carri did it in dazzling fashion with long eyelashes and fingernails, and what I’ve come to refer to as fiery orange hair. From that point on Carri, as a U.S. track and field athlete, became the dominant talk of the world’s largest and most influential blowhorn, the U.S. media.

If that’s not true, it’s all I heard. Sure, other athletes were sprinkled in and match-ups were expected for the coming Olympics. But the U.S. media championed the image of the One that stood a chance of bringing Olympic gold in the women’s 100m. Her appearance played well with the cameras. She looked like a star, something special. Indeed, the legend continued as she ran a 10.86 to qualify for the Olympics in June. Thus, the superstar, the speeding comet, was expected to show up at the Olympics with at least a reasonable chance at winning some type of metal if not gold.

"I am an Olympian. No matter what is said ... I am an Olympian. A dream since I've been young. I'm pretty sure everybody's dream as a track athlete. "Being happy is an understatement. Being excited, nervous, all of those feelings. I'm highly blessed and grateful."  -- Sha'Carri Richardson

I Get High

Well, that didn’t happen. The U.S. watched its prophesied chance at gold (or any other metal) in the women’s 100m come crashing down in all her fiery Orange hair glory. But not due to a loss. Stopping Carri from running because of weed was absurd to the public. African Americans weren’t interested in hearing that an athlete was stopped in a competition as grand as the Olympics for use of a product that they believe would not have contributed to her speed at all.

See the following articles for reference on race and black athletes.

The Olympics has a race problem. Athletes everywhere are calling out the sporting body for a history of banning Black women. - Yelena Dzhanova

The Olympics Continues to Prevent Top Black Athletes From Competing - Molly Sprayregen

The Weight On Black Women In Sports; Plus, 'We Are Lady Parts' - NPR

At this point, let me say that I agreed with those that argued for review of laws in order to determine if time had made them inapplicable. This is especially true considering the rapid legalization of weed across the U.S. “Cannabis is legal in 18 states, and allowed medically in 37 states.” However, I have to highlight that when it comes to weed, it is “outdated to joke about it as a party drug, writing off users as slow, pizza-munching losers when many successful people consume cannabis. Cannabis is a complicated substance with a nuanced role in fitness, performance, and society.” Keep the nuanced aspect in mind.

I have no doubt that it would not have made Carri into a faster runner. But, I think it’s important to keep the dualism that allows us to look at both what we as non-experts know of the impact of weed and the possibility that science may make discoveries later that can shock us. It is also important to consider that the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) isn’t a sub-organization of the U.S. Therefore the demands being placed upon athletes must be seen as globally relevant (ideally speaking). This is true despite the fact that the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency, in a letter to Jamie Raskin and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, stated that it “has consistently put forward recommendations that the rules addressing cannabis and cannabinoids should be more flexible and fair.”

Left (Far)Behind

Despite missing the Olympics a resurgence of interest was generated when it was announced that Carri would “face all three Tokyo Olympic medalists in the women’s 100m.” And all the world wondered after Carri. Well, at least in terms of what will be the result of the showdown in this supposed clash of the titans. I must confess that I don’t recall hearing or seeing that Carri was going to best all the members of the golden three-headed Jamaican *Leviathan. At the Olympics, Elaine Thompson-Herah ran a 10:61, Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce ran 10:74, and Shericka Jackson finishing at 10:76.

With Carri’s 10:72, she would have been competitive against Fraser-Pryce and Jackson if she was able to maintain that type of speed. This is theoretical, of course. What took place was a shock to the track and field world. It wasn’t that Carri was expected to win. She was expected to be better than ninth place. But that’s what happened. Carri finished at 11:14 while Elaine finished at 10:54. In other words, Elain ran faster than she did at the Olympics. This makes Elaine second only to Flo Jo’s 10:49 in 1988. Carri was a none factor. It appears that the star has fallen in dramatic of a fashion as she appeared.

Be Humble?

In response to the loss, Carri said to reporters:

"This is one race. I'm not done. You know what I'm capable of. Count me out if you want to. Talk all the s--t you want because I'm here to stay. I'm not done. I'm the sixth-fastest woman in this game, ever, and can't nobody ever take that away from me. Congratulations to the winners. Congratulations to the people that won, but they're not done seeing me yet -- period."  -- Sha'Carri Richardson

A good deal of critique, anger, and disgust came in reaction to what Carri said. Some believed that she wasn’t humble after the loss. They were surprised at what she said. Others pointed out that her interview was the most played despite the fact that she wasn’t the winner. There were questions as to why was she being interviewed at all.

What Now?

At this juncture, I will offer some considerations. Carri experienced a number of significant occurrences around the time of her ascent to fame. Again, her mother died. That’s a significant event. But then she was ban from the Olympics, the ultimate event for any professional sprinter, because of one of the methods she chose to use for grieving. Those are heavy blows. And throughout out it all, she was determined to maintain the same type of energy.

That Same Ol' G

"Even though I got my own CD maybe even on t.v. There ain't no changing me I can only be me me me Even though I might be on t.v. 'cause I got my own CD All you will ever see (that) same ol' G"  -- Ginuwine, Same Ol' G (1998)

In Ginuwine’s classic single Same Ol’ G, released in 1998 off of the Dr. Dolittle album, the singer reflects on being his authentic self despite being celebrated in the public sphere through compact disc and t.v. Carri wasn’t faking the funk. She was being real. She was being herself, that same ol’ g. It wasn’t a new persona that was on display because she was in front of all of the lights. Carri has been speaking with the same type of energy before her Olympic trials.

What does it look like being real for somebody Carri’s age and from where she comes from? Does being real look the same way across the board? Should you start acting differently because you lost or something else happens in your life?

The following are a few clips from her Twitter as evidence for how she has been speaking even prior to her Olympic qualifications.

You Wake Up, Flawless

"We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller We say to girls "You can have ambition, but not too much You should aim to be successful, but not too successful"  -- Beyoncé, Flawless (2014)

What if what looks like confidence for you is misinterpreted as arrogance by someone else? In other words, do our definitions always function accurately across the board and at all times? Sure, we can cite lexical meanings for humility and arrogance and attempt to apply them across the board. Can we make the case that it is time to start critiquing how do definitions play on the ground? I’m only simply pushing forward the argument that we have already been critiquing does definitions and they have shown up in our music, our clothing, and yes, the way we talk.

You wake up, flawless, Post up, flawless Ridin' round in it, flawless, Flossin on that, flawless This diamond, flawless, My diamond, flawless This rock, flawless, My rock, flawless I woke up like this, I woke up like this

— Beyoncé, Flawless

How does Beyonce’s flawless look like in the real world? What does #blackgirlmagic look like?

“Self-esteem means knowing you are the dream.” – Oprah Winfrey

"I was built this way for a reason, so I’m going to use it." - Simone Biles

"You are your best thing." - Toni Morrison

"One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals." - Michelle Obama

These quotes of renowned black women sound great on their own, don’t they? What if what we are seeing from Carri is a version of what that looks like in real life? To what extent can we say definitively that we understand her enough to know that she is arrogant? What if Carri’s defense mechanism looms large at the forefront due to what she experienced in the distant and recent past?

It could very well be that Carri is indeed arrogant. The happenings in Carri’s life may very well be lessons needing to be learned for personal growth and development. The case being made here is that a more nuanced approach should be had. The same amount of consideration given to already established persons should be allocated towards those that we haven’t yet thought of as being on the same level. The same ones saying she is arrogant may themselves be exhibiting arrogance in speaking in absolutes concerning one that is unknown.

Dear Mama

"Lady, don't you know we love you? (Dear Mama) Sweet lady, place no one above you? (You are appreciated) Sweet lady, don't you know we love you? (Dear Mama)"  -- 2 Pac, Dear Mama (1995)

How long does it take someone to recover from the passing of a parent? I can’t assume that we all have the same level of understanding concerning the complexity of loss. Carri lost a parent. How close was she to the mom? How close was she hoping to be to her mom one day? While the news was out that her mother died, it didn’t seem to play a factor in the assessments that were being made about her placing in the race. It should have been obvious right?

Here is a brief introduction to the complexities of grief.

Although grief is a universal experience that is shared by all human beings, the actual grief response in each individual is very unique, and the expression of grief can vary greatly from one person to another. Many factors, such as personality traits, the presence of concurrent stressors and previous losses, the nature of loss(es), and the social expectations that are present, have a great deal of influence in shaping the course of grief for an individual. (p. 26).

It is very important to remember that no individual’s grief experience will neatly fit into a single model, because there is much variation in how losses are perceived and also in how grief is expressed and worked through. (p. 34)

— Darcy L. Harris & Howard R. Winokuer, Principles and Practice of Grief Counseling (2015)

Epilogue

Carri has already said what she needed to say about herself. What we are witnessing now is simply a play out of a young women’s plight as she live out what it means to be who she is on a public stage.

*"Leviathan, Hebrew Livyatan, in Jewish mythology, a primordial sea serpent. Its source is in prebiblical Mesopotamian myth, especially that of the sea monster in the Ugaritic myth of Baal (see Yamm). In the Old Testament, Leviathan appears in Psalms 74:14 as a multiheaded sea serpent that is killed by God and given as food to the Hebrews in the wilderness. In Isaiah 27:1, Leviathan is a serpent and a symbol of Israel’s enemies, who will be slain by God. In Job 41, it is a sea monster and a symbol of God’s power of creation." -- Encyclopaedia Britannica

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[wickedbarnes]

Forbidden Fruit (Pt.5) | Keanu Reeves x Reader

Part 4

WARNING: Angst.

NOTE: I'm sorry if this doesn't have a "read more" thingy. If anyone is willing to teach me how to do it over mobile, I'd be very grateful! And I'm so sorry if this was quite short. There's more to come and more developments coming!

--

It had been days after that night. And nothing has been the same ever since. You could tell how Keanu was avoiding you with every chance he got. And although you felt guilty, you just couldn't help but feel frustrated and offended by how he was acting towards you.

Was it your fault that night happened? Maybe. You were attracted to the man after all. But you didn't initiate what had happened. And it wasn't your fault you caught him masturbating to you and moaning your fucking name.

But did you confront him about it? No, certainly not. How could you, anyway? You felt embarrassed and a tad bit disgusted with yourself for fucking your mother's boyfriend. And the way Keanu was avoiding you just didn't help your situation at all.

You felt as if he was thinking the same way about you. A girl with severe daddy issues.

The thought had left a bitter taste in your mouth and you couldn't help but push your plate away and drink a glass of water. Your Mom had noticed this and it was never like you to push your food away unless you felt really ill.

"Is there something wrong, Y/N?" Your Mom asked, eyeing the plate that was still filled with your favorite pesto pasta.

"The pesto wasn't really good." You could tell your Mom sensed the lie but you were thankful she didn't comment on it. The pesto tasted heavenly actually but you just couldn't bring yourself to eat. You had lost the appetite and it had been days since you last enjoyed your food.

It was Friday and your Mom had miraculously took the day out and decided to spend some time with you but unfortunately, Keanu couldn't join. Something about taking of something at Arch but you had a feeling that was some sort of half-assed excuse not to have lunch with you and your Mom fearing of the guilt that would creep up on the both of you.

Somehow, you had started to count the days before you went back home and you both dreaded and craved for it. Dreaded because it would be a while until you visited your Mom again and craved it just because you just wanted to get away from here and forget what had happened that night.

When you finally got home with your Mom after a day of eating outside and doing a little shopping spree, Keanu was already home and watching the television while sitting down on the couch. Your Mother had greeted him with a kiss but you just took it upon yourself to make your way up to your room and start editing the articles that were needed to be submitted for the next issue.

But as you ascended upstairs, you couldn't shake the feeling of being watched by a certain someone from downstairs.

Being a journalist had been a dream come true and although it was a serious job, you couldn't deny that you were passionate about it and took pride in your work. However, your silence was soon disrupted when your phone began to rang. Answering it, you put it on loud speaker while you occupied yourself into changing into some more comfortable clothing.

"Hello, Y/N?" The voice came through.

"Yes, this is she." You answered and took note of the familiar voice from your colleague and friend, Becca.

"Hey, baby, how's vacation with your Mom?" Eventful. You wanted to reply.

"It's uh... going great, yeah. How 'bout you, what's new? How's dear ol' work?" You asked as you changed into a pair of sleeping shorts and an oversized t-shirt that had quite the thin fabric and made your nipples poke right through it when you took your bra off.

"Chaotic. It's gone to shit when you took your leave. Anyways, I'm not here to guilt trip you I called to update you about the latest issue we need to make." You situated yourself on the bed and grabbed your phone from the nightstand as you tied your hair up in a bun.

"Okay, spill."

"Well, the Grand Prix motorcycle racing is coming up and a lot of people are being hyped about it. And I thought that for our issue, we should interview some successful CEOs of motorcycle companies and maybe share their story. Why they started the business and all that jazz. Maybe give us a tour to their humble abode."

"That's actually amazing, Becca. Did you have any companies in mind that could get us a head start?" You asked.

"Well, Malcolm's a huge motorcycle fan and he insisted we should try this company called Arch Motorcycle. I looked into it and they're fairly new. Started around 2011 and they make amazing motorcycles according to Mal."

Arch Motorcycle. That was Keanu's company.

--

You had just finished the phone call with Becca and you couldn't even wrap your head around the fact that you were possibly going to work with Keanu if your team was going to really push through with Arch. A huge part of you hoped not although you didn't doubt Keanu's professionalism, you just couldn't deal with the awkwardness between you two.

Sighing, you plugged your phone in your charger and decided to make your way downstairs to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. It was already quiet in the living room and you assumed everyone had went to bed but you were stand corrected when you walked into the kitchen and saw Keanu drinking a glass of water.

You both froze on your spot, neither of you not knowing what to say and you did your best to ignore how Keanu's eyes had flickered from your face to your breasts. You were sure he noticed how your nipples were deliciously poking through your shirt.

Maybe you should've covered up a little.

You gathered enough courage to walk inside and grabbed a glass as you made your way to the fridge and poured yourself some water before taking big gulps of it.

"Listen, Y/N, I--" Keanu begun but you cut him off the moment you put your glass down on the counter.

"Let's forget about it." You blurted out.

Keanu seemed take aback by what you said and almost looked as if he was confused by it either. But the realization slowly hit him until he found himself leaning against the countertop.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have walked in on you like that the other night. I should've just left you alone." You continued, making sure your voice was hushed and you looked behind you before looking up at you Keanu's unreadable expression on his features, "I promise no one has to know about this. Not even Mom. It won't be long 'till I come back home anyways so we can both forget what just happened."

There was a moment of silence between the two of you and it almost felt like you'd been standing there for over an hour. Clearing your throat, you were just about to walk away when you felt his hand wrap around your arm pulling you back against him. His dark eyes were looking down on you and you could've sworn they were a darker shade of brown this time, almost black.

"Forget? Why do you want to forget all of that, sweet girl?" He'd ask, his voice quite raspy as he traced your arm up and down with his finger and you hated how your body shivered at his touch.

Keanu couldn't stop the grin that made its way on his face upon seeing your reaction.

"So responsive, baby, that's what I like. Even the slightest of touch gets you so weak for me, huh?" You felt your cheeks heating up. No, this wasn't right. This isn't what you had in mind.

Shaking your head, you shook his hand off and you could see the hint of anger flash in Keanu's eyes and for a moment you almost wanted to apologize and show him how sorry you were but that wasn't the case right now.

"Keanu, what we did was a mistake. You're with my mom and I shouldn't have given into you like that." Your words made him freeze on the spot, letting his hand fall down to the side as you took a deep breath to gather your composure.

"What we did, it won't happen again and I'm sorry if I walked in on you like that I know I should've walked away the moment I saw you in there doing... well, you know." You let out a sigh and ran a hand through your hair, "But this isn't entirely my fault either. You shouldn't have been doing that while moaning my name and I--"

"How can you be so sure it was your name I was moaning?"

"I'm sorry?" You were taken aback by his words that you had to check if what you heard was right.

Keanu looked shocked by what he just said but quickly concealed it with a stoic expression.

"How can you be sure it was you I was fantasizing about? You didn't even ask. And you're not the only one who bears the name that you have now."

You blinked. And blinked. And blinked. You opened your mouth to say something and closed it again. Was Keanu really cheating on your Mom? Well, technically he did since he had the decency to fuck you. But... was he seeing someone else outside your Mom before you came into the picture?

You gathered your composure and took a step back. This man was unbelievable. And to think you approved of him having your Mother's heart.

"You're right. I shouldn't have. And I apologize for that. But like I said, what we did was a mistake and I highly regret all of it. But it seems that you have a bigger problem in your hands. I hope you sleep well tonight, Mr. Reeves. I know I wouldn't if I was in your place."

And with that, you left Keanu standing there dumbfounded in the kitchen as you made your way upstairs. You didn't intend to slam the door as hard as you could but you couldn't help it.

You felt embarrassed. Disgusted. Devastated and somehow betrayed in a way.

You felt used. And you were so naive and let your needs get in the way and now look where that got you. You felt devastated for your Mom because she had no idea of what was going on. She was oblivious to all of this and she doesn't deserve it.

The room along with everything else was suffocating you and you knew you couldn't stand here and spend another week in this house. Grabbing your suitcase, you stuffed your things inside and didn't even care if it was no longer neat. Once you were done, you took a deep breath and decided it was best if you just leave first thing in the morning.

You were too physically and mentally tired to drive back home. Flopping down on your bed, you draped your blanket over your body and let sleep take over. But you didn't miss how a lone tear had escaped from your eyes.

To hell with forbidden fruits, indeed.

--

TAGS: @fanficsrusz @a-really-bi-girl @fan-wicktion @baphometwolf666 @mikaneonox @coloursunlimited @ficsnroses @autumnsoidier @paanchu786 @thatonemultifandombeast @thesadvampire @keanuvibe @laura-doitnow-rememberitlater @lillytalons @wiskey-chaser @jokersdoll @meetmeinthematinee @soarocks @fickensteinn @ellie-payton @hbpx09 @cora-nova @vivelafuckingpluto

[youarewarmth]

Trying to mend my broken heart

(a very long post that started off as a letter to myself and others; I wasn’t going to post it, but my therapist said I should try, because it might encourage people to do the same if they’re struggling, so here it is)

So... I’ve been thinking if I should it. Do I have a right? I knew nothing of them – of him – until weeks ago. Can I even speak up? I have to let it out. Will I be scrutinized or listened and understood? I hope it’s the latter.

I knew SHINee was a thing, a band. A Korean band. I think my little sister was into them for a brief moment. I saw the band’s name mentioned on Twitter every now and then, but I never really cared. Just another K-Pop product, as they all are.

I fell into YouTube’s rabbit hole, as we all do sometimes, after I suddenly felt like listening to one of the songs I used to like. “Up next: SHINee – Forever or Never”. I thought “hm, what a coincidence!” and hit “play”.

“Wait… How is this the same song… but better?” I was so confused, but also thrilled. I don’t really like music that much. I have a hard time finding stuff that I really like and once I do, I stick to it until I memorize every note. I liked the version of the song. I really, really did, but I wish I never looked at the comments. That’s where it all started. The spiraling.

“R.I.P Kim Jonghyun you'll be forever in our hearts”

“Rest in Peace, my angel, you did well”

No.

My heart dropped. I looked up one phrase after another. I looked up SHINee, I looked up Jonghyun. Countless videos on YouTube. Of their first performances, of them having fun on stage, music videos, talk shows. Videos of Jonghyun breaking down in tears on stage. Videos of Jonghyung talking about the scrutiny, judgement and – again – breaking down in tears, wanting to be understood and accepted. Of his last show and the pain and emptiness in his eyes. Of how he died. Of his letter. Of them performing without him for the first time. Of “From Now On”. Of “Our Page”.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I’ve been sleep deprived ever since, because my thoughts keep racing and bring tears that I can’t contain. And with tears, immense grief. That’s all I can feel right now.

Why did it hit me so hard? Why him, why now? Maybe because we’re same age and I understand the struggles of getting older in the world where only the youngest can achieve something, though it was much worse for him. Maybe because I know what it feels like to lose a friend so suddenly. Maybe because I know exactly how he felt, even though we had completely different life experience. Or maybe we’re just kindred spirits that experience emotions a little bit too intensely.

You see, I’ve been dealing with depression ever since I was seventeen. That’s when my heart stopped. It was still beating, still keeping me alive, but I felt nothing. Nothingness slowly turned into pain. And hatred. I’ve achieved nothing. I’ve done nothing in my life. I’m a waste of time, waste of space. I was crying for help, but nobody ever listened. I would scream into my pillow every night until I fell asleep, I didn’t want to feel this pain. I wanted it to be gone. _I _wanted to be gone. I can’t count how many times I was minutes, seconds away from the irreversible. I didn’t do it and I felt like a coward. I was too weak to even do this much.

To this day I don’t know how I kept on living despite nobody giving a damn. I wanted to live, but I didn’t. And I think he felt the same. He desperately wanted to live. He was open about his condition, he reached out, looked for help. Except I got the help I needed. He, on the other hand, got scolded by his own “doctor”. He was told that it’s all because of his personality. What personality? A sensitive, compassionate angel? A loving friend? A gentle soul that wanted nothing, but to be an artist? Was it his fault that he was overworked, stressed, judged for every little thing he did? People didn’t really help either.  They would ask “is crying the new way of promoting your music?” Or say that SHINee doesn’t need Jonghyun, that he’s the ugly duckling of the group, or that he doesn’t have to pretend to know how to sing. And I’m angry. I’m so angry, because how fucking dare you?

I can't get the images of his last performances out of my head. They override everything good and sweet about him, because good and sweet is not how he felt in his final days. He felt pain and sadness, he felt old and lacking, he felt like he was so much less than he was. And he was so precious, warm and soft. Just like the fluffy blankets he loved so much. Did he feel his Blingers' love when he looked at them this one last time? Was it any comfort to him that he WAS loved by so many, after all? Did he know how far that love goes?

In his last performances he looks like he accepted his fate. And he just looks empty. He knew. He must have known what was going to happen. He was taking everyone and everything in, he was saying his last goodbyes. And it undid me completely. When he was recording the Shinin' video, did he know? Did he already know and sang "always be with you" to us to let us know that he will always be here even when his body is not?

We lost this pure soul to a disease that could’ve been treated. It was preventable. He could’ve still been with us if he got the help he need. And it truly fucks me up, and I can’t hold back tears – yet again – because he wasn’t supposed to be gone. He was supposed to be here and enjoy his life. Hold hands with girls, kiss boys, date like crazy (for the love of god let your idols date!), marry or not, have kids or not. He was supposed to make all the choices we all take for granted. But depression is a bitch that sneaks up on you and eats you alive, eats you whole, until you’re a shell, an emotionless zombie, and the thought that he probably felt like that… My heart aches for him so much I want to tear it out. I want to go back in time and do SOMETHING. I want him to be happy, grow old and depart when the time comes and not a second sooner. Would he be happy in this time line? Could I pass the strength I've gained over the years to him, so he can power through this life like an absolute champion he was?

I was watching old videos of Jonghyun interacting with other band members and I noticed that he was always craving closeness and human touch. He’d always stroke someone’s back or neck, held hands with them, hug, lean on, pat. And they weren’t big gestures, it looks like he did it all without even thinking. He enjoyed these little gestures that spoke volumes. Or how in the Excuse Me Miss video, where he’s introducing all the SHINee members, almost hyping them up, and when he introduces himself it’s in a much calmer, quieter manner. Can’t put my finger on it, but my first thought was the obvious “he’s so humble”.

In this short time he had such a great impact on my life that I miss him immensely, even though I've never met him like you guys did. I feel guilty, because I feel like I have no right to miss him, and yet I do. And I'm so utterly sad that it's hard to get up in the morning and carry on with my day, that's why I'm writing this. Will it get the sadness out of my system? I don't think it will, but I hope my thoughts and feelings will be less chaotic now. That I will be able to accept the painful reality, stop daydreaming, thinking "what if" and blaming myself even more for something I couldn't possibly help.

The last thing I want to say is that – as crazy as it sounds – I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jonghyun, that I couldn’t save you. Even though it was impossible, I’m sorry I didn’t do anything, that I wasn’t aware of your suffering, that I couldn’t be your shoulder to cry on when you needed one. I feel like it’s my fault, somehow, and that I should hop into the Future Gadget 204, 2nd Edition Ver. 2.31 right now and beg you to hold on. I wish I could. I wish it was possible. Because it does get better. It gets better. It gets better. It gets better. I don’t want any more people to feel like they’re lacking, like they aren’t enough, like they didn’t do well enough.

So, to whoever reads it and will possibly read this in the future, even if you stumble upon this “letter” a year from now, five hears, ten years; even if you’re not even born yet and it somehow survives, know that I’m here for you and I will always be here for you. If you’re looking for a sign not to do it today – let this be the sign. If you want me to remind you daily that you’re worth more than every star we’ve ever discovered – I’ll do it. I will be your friend, your shoulder to cry on, your safe haven and your protector.

And believe me, Shawols, when I say this - I wouldn't hesitate one bit if I could trade my life for his. This is the point where you go “damn, this woman crazy” and ridicule me to hell, but it won’t change the fact that if I were presented with the opportunity, I’d take it, because I have nothing to lose and there would be so much to gain. I know how many lives he affected and how many people are still hurting, and will be hurting until they meet him again. I don't believe in heaven or hell or afterlife, but thinking that he left this world in pain and there was nothing else waiting for him... I don't want it to be real. I wish he could make you all smile again. With his performances, with his IG Lives, with his wise words that touched so many, with his art, with his beautiful, gentle soul. And I'm selfish, because I want him back even though I know he didn't want to be around.

To you, my dear, dear, Jjong – you were loved. You were SO loved. You still are. You were a kind soul, a light of our eyes, that wasn’t meant for this cruel world. And your people are so proud of you. I truly hope there is life after life and that I will meet you there. And then I will give you the hug I couldn’t give when you were so alone. You will forever live in our hearts, some of which you touched even after your departure, and your legacy will never be forgotten.

I promise I will work hard. I promise to be more kind to people, but also to myself. I know you wouldn't want us to be hurting. You told us many times that we worked hard and we did well, even if they were the smallest things we managed to do at the time.

You were in my dreams the other night. You were sitting at a dining table in what had to be the strangest meet and greet ever and you signed a CD for me. For some reason it was a generic disc that was in one of those flimsy paper CD envelopes, because even in my dreams I have to totally embarrass myself. But you signed the envelope, smiled your beautiful smile and asked me if I'm well. I know it's all my brain's doing, because I've been thinking about you constantly lately, but I like to think that it's because you still very much care about your Blingers and want to check on them. Even on those that came long after you left. Hearing you now hurts, but I know that with time it will feel like warmest homecoming.

You worked hard, Jjong. Very hard. And you did well. And I thank you for that.

[terrorhqs]

hello to each and every one of you absolute wonders !! first of all, we would like to apologize for the wait - when we saw 8 apps hitting the inbox in the last few hours, we knew we would have some Serious Work on our hands. it took us longer than we expected to go through all of them, mainly because every single one was absolutely incredible, and this entailed several very, very tough decisions. we also wanted to be as accommodating as possible for certain applicants who inspired us to make a few changes along the way - with their backstories, their line of thinking, their amazing character, which we will note below. this truly was a round of acceptances where we thought we might create a whole new batch of skeletons just to showcase each app. thank you to everyone who applied. and for everyone who got accepted, please make sure to send in your accounts in 24h !!

HENRY for THE COMMANDER (james norton)

henry, your writing was an absolute treat, but it was truly your future plot ideas we were feasting on! we absolutely loved how tightly tied to fitzwilliam’s psyche they were, how terribly heart wrenching they were - particularly the first one - we have to admit it made us weepy and excited in equal measure.

GEN for THE DEVOTED, captain’s steward (richard deiss)

gen, your writing flourishes and entrances and beguiles, just as rowan does, and the two of you do it so effortlessly. your in-character response was a brilliant show of creativity and development in showing how rowan reacts to the same question asked by different people, and we knew he would be a phenomenon onboard the promethean. your app was showstopping, and we couldn't wait to welcome you aboard.

CAIT for THE SOCIALITE (tuppence middleton)

the whole personality of stella was a whirlwind in motion !! we were so eager to read more about them from the very first seconds. and the prose ! how beautiful ! (Worship the altar of this consuming, rebellious  heart and wear it in red, bathe in this baptismal font of sordid gossip, glory, erupting nights of heated duels between wit and ego) - this is the epitome of what we wanted for them, and even more than we could’ve hoped !

KAT for THE DOCTOR (dev patel)

kat, please let us dwell with jonathan in his sunshine and pure spirit forever?? we are all rosa diaz on this blessed day and he is a golden retriever puppy we would all kill for. we love his love for nature’s wonders and for people alike, but we also adore the depth and understanding you brought to his future plots. we welcome you and jonathan to the crew with such, such open arms !

ALICE for THE DOE-HEARTED (su yihan)

alice, your writing was a siren song that lulled us into the depth of sybil's story - in a heartbeat, we would drown in it all over again. you kept the essence of the doe-hearted but took it so much further in making her a girl haunted, the buildup of sybil and her story a grimm fairytale to be told again and again. "You were born by the water, sweet thing. Your story is the sea with but an island in the middle of it." you have truly woven a complexity to the doe-hearted that we never expected - we'll all be holding our breaths to see how our dear fairytale fares on open waters !!

BEAU for THE INTREPID (tobias menzies)

oh, beau. the entire process of your application was as beautiful and chaotic as a natural phenomenon - it felt like we need albert in this rp, and that weight had the certainty of force? we knew we have to give him the leeway for development he deserved. i cannot properly convey how much we loved the schematics of his past, and how it contrasted with his ideals for the future. he is a map of contrasts and we are so eager to see him on the dash !

NAYAB for THE ENIGMA (katrina kaif)

nayab, the way you illustrated jaya's rich history was absolutely delectable - we were positively screaming over the intricate detail you put into the creation of such a nuanced, interesting, and fiery character. the research and thought you put into jaya absolutely wowed us, and it was impossible not to love (and admittedly, cower a little before) her. "what if this expedition makes you encounter what even you - with your cautious gait, and sharp, dark-eyed gaze - never saw coming?" what a cannonball she is, and what an impact she had on us !

JINHEE for THE HARUSPEX (avan jogia)

jinhee, ashwin is an absolute delight and so was reading your application! as rhi screamed, ‘FUCK I BELIEVE IN HOPE AGAIN??’ we loved the icarus imagery and were not prepared to be completely undone by this line: (and weren’t you told never to touch your idols? warned that the gilding will stick to your fingers?). the way you took his father’s ancestry and tied into his present feelings for britain was absolutely chef’s kiss. we were enamored from start to finish - well done.

KYLIE for THE IDOL (garret hedlund)

oh, what a STUNNING app !! it is so difficult to balance guilt and righteousness, and we feel like you did that thoroughly for jack. your level of close-reading through our skeleton was genuinely flattering, but the way you took it to new depths (and heights) was humbling. we are so, so eager to see how the tide will turn for jack, and all the possible ways you can give him a redemption arc - or the lack of one.

N for THE LOVER (zoe kravitz)

N, let me prostrate myself at eleonore’s feet. your application was so rich and beautifully written, truly embodying the lover’s feline lethality that you want to pet anyway despite knowing she might very well be your downfall. “feed me was all she had ever asked in exchange for burning day and night for him.” hello yes, we volunteer.

TILDA for THE NOBLE (madeline madden)

it was very hard choice for the noble, but tilda, i adore helene’s family’s backstory, how it seemed to rot from the core until collapse. you truly grasped the character and her yearning for abandon, her desperation, and her voice/dialogue in your in-character response was utterly delightful! we can’t wait to see her voyage from sea-legged noble lady to tide commanding shanty.

ADRIAN for THE PURSER (matthew goode)

if only you could see how we reacted when we received this app ! and trust me, the hype only increased when we got to reading it. did we channel that excitement through God-honest tears? uh, yes. we did. ( dead can’t receive letters but Edward still writes them anyway. ) we clutched edward to our chest time and time again through that - and the SPLENDID letter added at the end, what a treat to us ! we are so thankful just at the privilege of reading this. we’re even more thankful that we’ll see him on the dash.

EMI for THE ROMANTIC, wardroom steward (yang yang)

emi, we've concluded with all of your beautiful plot points that you and june do indeed, have the range - you gave us such a variety of wonderful exploration of june's personality, psyche, hopes, and dreams all wrapped up in the beautiful poetry that fit june's character like a second skin.  "the light upon the ice. a brilliant, sightless mirror. it comes not from the sun but from our prometheus, barrelling out from dark waters with an inexplicable gift: fire." you've captured him so beautifully and we cannot wait to see how he will be the promethean's sun to the open seas !

CLAUDIA for THE SCION (rome flynn)

you really manged to send a :59 app and still steal the show ! how very Scion-y of you. in all seriousness, i adored augustus background so MUCH - his maternal connection, the wishy-washy tides of his family’s structure, the conflict inherent in his very development !! so so good. you took a carefree skeleton and you gave it a million possible depths. we, as both admins and players, are so grateful for it.

AERIN for THE SHADOW (sebastian stan)

aerin, it is not an exaggeration that your app had us literally with our jaws open the entire time ? you truly took us turn after turn into elijah's story and hours later, we're still breathless and trying to recover from it. you captured the shadow's overcast history the way a shadow slowly looms over you - we were absolutely consumed by the end of it, and we're all here absolutely begging for more. we can't wait to have enoch onboard this expedition !

CASS for THE GODKILLER (kofi siriboe)

this is the sort of role dreams are made of. i think i speak for everyone when i say we never could have envisioned a skeleton as terrific, terrifying, tectonic as abel. stop me with the alliterations - lapsing into poetry is genuinely the only thing left to do when the support of prose fails you? you brought us to the end of prose. their role just jumped out for us and we knew it called for an entire skeleton. what an app !

ANNIE for THE STOWAWAY (riana hardesty)

i have to confess, we had such high expectations for the stowaway, because we knew their motivation would be one of the toughest to crack - and annie, you exceeded literally even the most optimistic of them ! (You’re no musician, but playing the melody of someone else, someone who can weasel their way in and out of a bad spot - that’s one song you know how to sing well enough.) that is such a fantastic rendition of their personality, and written so, so beautifully !

LEO for THE VETERAN (toby stephens)

i think this app was the one which sent me in a banshee-screech session that was genuinely disturbing to everyone on a 100 miles radius. the way you phrased the headcanons at the end had me in stitches - which was a welcome change for how DEEPLY i was feeling wells’ backstory. from sobbing to laughter just like that, huh. you have an unprecedented power, leo, and we love to see it !

[sierratheory]

Admin Opinions Masterpost

As promised this will be the master post that contains all of our opinions for the current situations involving 5SOS. That would be Mystal, Lierra, and Kayshton. If there is an opinion you are looking for that you do not see on this post, feel free to ask and we can add it to this post. To keep this as clean as possible I will break this up with a read more line.

OWNER

Mystal - They're absolutely PR in my opinion, for a lot of reasons, but just to name a few of them: Crystal uses Michael for constant promo schemes, the engagement was literally staged and planned by Guess (despite whatever story Crystal is trying to spin), and she's literally far from the only other "influencer" to have done this recently. Nevermind the fact that Michael sounds more enthusiastic talking about literally ANYTHING but his supposed engagement. Couple goals uuuwwwuuu, am I right? 

Lierra - At this point, nothing will change my mind about them being PR. The story has a lot of holes in it, the biggest that comes to mind at the moment is the fact that we're supposed to believe that Lierra has been a couple for over a year now...Meanwhile, in early to mid-2018, she was constantly pining after Luke in a way that a FAN would, not someone you're in a relationship with. By this, I mean that she was only ever active on IG at the same time as him, and she'd constantly follow and like everything that he did, in an obvious effort to appeal to him. As well as stirring the pot of speculation among fans who were wanting to know if they were dating, by buying clothes eerily SIMILAR to Luke's, in order to make fans think that they were sharing clothes. Many fans were fooled by this. Or the fact that she literally ran a bogus IG page (grandebaby13) to push dating rumours about her and Luke. All the while she spent so much energy previously, trying to reassure fans that they were, "just friends." Like if they were real, and they agreed to be private, then she wouldn't have been trying to force rumours. Point blank. 

Kayshton - Completely undecided for me at this point. On one hand, they seem like the most real out of all three couples. But the fact that it seems like she's only started to get steady work/make an effort in her career since going public with Ashton, and that one pap walk with the suspicious leaked video footage (with extra photos being released a couple of weeks later out of the blue), really makes me a little bit wary of saying they aren't PR. Only time will tell, but for now, I'm fairly neutral but open to the possibility. 

BLUE

Lierra: As obvious as it may be, I feel Lierra is PR. There is a small part of me that believes they could be real and Luke’s vulnerability post-Arzaylea could’ve been abused, but that theory is strictly an opinion and there’s not a lot in my eyes that proves they’re a real couple. I feel their relationship began too quickly in terms of how it progressed from friendship to a “soulmate” scenario being as she was “besties” with Ashton first. The timelines don’t add up to me and I feel like it’s been proven she’s gained quite a large fan base because of her relationship with Luke and it will only grow from here the longer they’re together. She also uses her relationship for work-related gigs (ie, FoF), despite not actually releasing any music that is hers or music that is no longer associated with the Essy stage name.

Mystal: I’m conflicted with Mystal. I see both sides. They seem to be a cute, more well-rounded couple, but I also see the issues that lie in Crystal and how she controls Mikey rather than being supportive and/or more like a fiancé. I think either way the relationship is slightly more bearable than others that have come through. I feel like Crystal is an independent woman who does what she can to make it in the industry which is admirable. The engagement through me for a loop, especially with how publicized it was with the relation to GUESS and such, so I’d say I’m more on the PR side of things, but them being real wouldn’t shock me.

Kayshton: I’m so undecided with this one. I’m thrown off by the DM exclusives, but they seem to be low key and chilled out. I like KayKay, she seems sweet and apart from a few of her friends that are sketchy, I find her pretty down to earth and humble. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were real, nor if they were a filler PR for when Lierra ends, but either one of pretty probable.

RED

Mystal: I used to think Mystal was super cute. But once I learned things about Crystal’s past behaviour and the way she manipulates fans and treats people I started to see her true colours. I fully believe Mystal is PR. Not only do I find the timeline of how their relationship allegedly began to be suspicious, but the major changes to his personality and how he portrays himself are also suspicious. Not to mention the complete control she has over his social media and image as a whole. How she garners herself and others partnerships (Adidas, Guess) based off of his fame. She even used his social media accounts as an example of her PR skills on her now empty website.

Prior to Mystal, I’d never seen a couple sell their engagement or get a full press in a magazine about it. Weddings? Yeah, those are planned months, sometimes even years ahead. But engagements are supposed to be a romantic surprise. I have no doubt Crystal orchestrated the entire engagement and the full spread in People, or whatever magazine it was. I personally can’t see Michael selling that personal private moment, but I wouldn’t put it past Crystal. And no offence to 5SOS, but they aren’t like Justin Bieber level famous, they aren’t A-List celebrities, so I find it doubtful that Guess or People approached them about the engagement. I also worry about Michael’s mental health. It concerns me that so much of his life outside of the band revolves solely around Crystal and her social circle. Even if I thought the relationship was genuine that would still concern me. It has been said that Michael gets bad anxiety and doesn’t like huge crowds and that’s why he stays away from outings and parties with the other band members but like, he’s done DJ shows in packed clubs with the guys (recently) and Crystal throws him huge parties for his birthday. But then he misses band outings the museums where they take pictures and do promo. He went to Coachella with Crystal but wasn’t seen at all with the guys. It just seems very strange to me.

Lierra: In the beginning, I wanted to believe Luke knew Sierra was using him for publicity but was okay with it because they were friends. But as time went on and I learned more about her lurking and gassing up rumours about her dating Luke I grew more and more uncomfortable about her presence. If they had wanted to keep their relationship private she shouldn’t have been posting little hints to get people talking. If they had wanted to keep their relationship private she shouldn’t have created a fake IG account to push dating rumours. If the relationship was real that’s all toxic problematic behaviour. The relationship may not be real, but Sierra’s manipulative behaviour is.

As a Luke girl, I try to support him in his choices and relationships. But Sierra’s behaviour and specifically her comment about depression leave me struggling to like her as a person. There’s a lot that makes me think the relationship is orchestrated by Modest! The comments on every one of her Instagram posts (except the birthday one which is an odd one to exclude) even if he’s on stage at the time he allegedly comments. The pap photos. Even the timing of their relationship announcement. It came at the height of Youngblood (the single)’s success just as the album was released. When people were paying 5SOS the most attention. How anytime there’s a band-related announcement something happens in Lierra-land. If you wanted to keep your relationship away from public speculation why announce its existence when the band has the most attention it’s ever had? Why not wait until some of the hype dies down?

Don’t even get me started on her lack of drive or motivation to do anything with her life/career other than being known as Luke Hemmings’ girlfriend.

Kayshton: Ok, so I have a bit of an odd theory for this one. I honestly do believe at some point at the very least, Ashton and KayKay were an item. Whether they were exclusive or how long they lasted we don’t really know. But there’s enough proof from interviews and other interactions that at some point there was something and it appeared to be a bit on and off. All four of us agree there are some odd things about Kayshton, like the pap walks and HQ pictures and videos.

My theory is that perhaps they were/are a couple and Modest! forced them to be public with it, and are giving us these HQ photos and pap interactions/DM articles to throw us off. So that people who claim Lierra‘s pap pictures prove they are PR are discredited because Kayshton is real and also has these HQ photos and pointless DM articles. Almost like a red herring, a distraction. To make fans think that since Kayshton is real and they get papped it’s totally normal and therefore Lierra is real too.

[takeyourcritique]

Makoto Niijima: Good Girl, Bad Writing.

In video games, movies, TV, and books, there are always characters who receive copious amounts of praise. In Persona 5, it is no different. Some characters deserve the hype they get, and some.. do not. In my humble opinion, Makoto Niijima falls into the latter category and in this essay I will explain why, as well as delve into what I as a writer would do to improve her character. Because this is not a hate meta, it is merely me articulating my issues with her character and getting my thoughts in order. (She has potential, it merely needs to be utilized and with P5R coming next year, a girl can hope.)

1. Underwhelming Design

The cast of Persona 5, in contrast to the casts before them, are vigilantes, a band of misfits if you will. The entire theme of the game is rebellion against society and fighting the norm, and the characters should reflect this in their design. The only exception is the protagonist himself because he's on probation and attempting to keep a low profile: that's why he follows the dress code to a tee and appears as gentle as possible, because he's already in enough trouble as is. The first party member, Ryuji, has been a rebel for a good amount of time: his hair is a stark blond (which Kawakami-sensei does not approve of) and he wears a very casual version of the school uniform; substituting a bright yellow shirt for the white of the uniform, wearing sneakers instead of dress shoes, and not wearing his suspenders (they're attached though, at the waist).

Ann Takamaki wears a white clover hoodie under her blazer, red leggings under her skirt, brown lace up boots, and earrings; not to mention her hair, while a natural blonde, is pulled back into cutesy pigtails almost like a teenage Harley Quinn. Yusuke doesn't even go to the same school, so his attire stands out in stark contrast with the main trio. Futaba dyes her hair red and she doesn't go to school at all due to severe anxiety; Haru wears a poofy pink sweater over her uniform with Mary Janes and polka dot tights. They all stick out like little sore thumbs. Except Makoto. She basically also follows the dress code, with a few subtle changes:

•She doesn't wear a blazer, instead wearing a black halter vest over her turtleneck

•Black tights

•Brown boots

That's literally it. Nothing about her stands out, and even in her casual clothing she wears a lot of whites and blacks. There's a monochromatic vibe to her, perhaps alluding to her strong sense of justice and distinction between right and wrong which in and of itself isn't bad! But it doesn't fit with the theme of the cast, Makoto fits in too much with the rest of the world to fit in with them. Just by looking at her, you cannot tell she's supposed to be part of the crew and in all honesty she'd fit better working with Akechi due to their very similar views of justice and morals. Hell, some NPCs are more vibrant design-wise than Makoto is.

2. Her Metaverse design, Persona and codename are contradictory.

Makoto's Persona, Johanna, is based most likely off Pope Joan, (after doing research online and reading Johanna's profile on SMT wiki it seemed the best fit) who was a woman that pretended to be a man in order to rise to power in an otherwise male-only role in the Catholic church. And while the story is intriguing, it doesn't fit Makoto at all: she never pretended to be what she was not and while she's "the voice of reason" she's not the leader of the team; Joker is. This makes her codename, "Queen", even more confusing. Nothing about her costume design looks regal whatsoever; it makes no sense. It feels like writer's favoritism, in all honesty. A better name would've been something more related to the fact that she looks like a biker/executionist hybrid; like "Crusher" or something of more..violent nature.

Even a name related to her wanting to go into the force would've worked well: Chief, Lieutenant, etc. Queen is nice, but it doesn't click with Makoto at all, unlike literally everyone else's Persona and codename. Ann's Persona, Carmen, is a femme fatale that kills men. Captain Kidd is a pirate, an iconic symbol of rebellion; Milady, Haru's Persona, is a reference to a villainess of the same name in the 3 Musketeers; Goemon was essentially a Japanese Robin Hood which fits Yusuke's entire kitsune/warrior aesthetic. Joker's Persona, Arsene, is a direct nod to Arsene Lupin; who was one of Sherlock's rivals and a gentleman thief who left calling cards to the people he robbed and a direct parallel to Akechi.

3. Her introduction as a whole, and to the team, is abysmal.

When Makoto is first introduced to the player, the entire school is in turmoil over Kamoshida's abusive actions towards the volleyball and track team. Many people don't know the truth about what's going on, and others simply turn a blind eye because as an Olympic medalist, the gym coach brings in a lot of popularity for the school. Being the student council president, Makoto has power that many other students do not have; so one would assume that upon learning that a victim was in danger she would spring into action, no?

Wrong.

When Ann confronts Makoto about her inaction, she turns the question back on the blonde, asking "What have YOU done for Shiho?" as if it's Ann's fault that Shiho had been jeopardized (which it was not, Ann allowed herself to be blackmailed by Kamoshida in order, so she thought, to protect her best and at the time, only friend). And she doesn't do anything about the situation, claiming that "It has nothing to do with me." (This is how abuse victims DIE.) Even worse, her elder sister is a prosecutor, she could've easily gone to Sae and asked her to look into the matter. Goro Akechi later calls her out on this, as he should; telling her that she is a "good-girl pushover". And when Kamoshida is punished for his crimes, Ann, who was bullied and outcast, goes to Makoto and apologizes to HER to make amends, as if she were wrong. Makoto then replies "We both made mistakes" in a sorry apology (she doesn't even say "I'm sorry" iirc), and asks if she can call Ann by her first name and without honorifics, which in Japan is a symbol of close friendship. (Edit: this apology actually takes place after Kaneshiro's arc, not Kamoshida's, I misremembered.)

You see, calling someone by their given name, even if you are the same age, has a ton of meaning in the culture. Just a year difference between two people can separate them as senpai and kouhai, and while the senpai can call their kouhai by their first name without raising any eyebrows it's not the same for the younger person. Calling someone by their given name in Japan is a privilege, not a right; it represents trust, respect, everything that Makoto and Ann did NOT have.

Now, let me get this straight.

Makoto did nothing when everybody called Ann Kamoshida's hoe, allowed her, Shiho, Akira, Ryuji and Mishima plus many others to suffer abuse (and Shiho attempted suicide!), gave a laughable apology, victim-blamed Ann; and now she wants to be buddy-buddy? What, in any reality, about that is okay? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But of course, because the writers want us to love Makoto, they have Ann forgive her and let her call her by her first name. And after all that, Makoto is still president, despite her clear nonchalance to the matter. She also does nothing to help the Kamoshida victims after his crimes come to light, when there was literally no excuse anymore not to assist them and help them get back on their feet. Even if she felt powerless with Kamoshida around, that doesn't explain her inaction after he's gone.

Flash forward two Palaces later, when she joins the team. Makoto stalks the protagonist around to gather evidence that he is a Phantom Thief, and then blackmails her way into the ranks. The team of course, is not happy about this at all. Makoto gives them the target; Junya Kaneshiro, who's basically forcing people into debt. The problem here is she has literally no personal ties to him; unlike the main trio all having connections to Kamoshida and Yusuke being Madarame's essential foster son. Tired of Sae calling her useless, Makoto jumps in front of the mob boss's car in desperation (and Ryuji gets her out of the way JUST in time, but he very easily could've died) which puts the entire team in danger and later on is literally pinned down by the mob and the crew have to go and save her because she was so determined to take this dude down she walked into the lion's den without any form of a plan. (He was also going to sell her into prostution to pay off the debt he'd given the Thieves.)

Her Awakening is also really weak: the speech from Johanna is extremely short and then Makoto stomps the ground to avoid falling over, rips off her mask with a bunch of overdramatic screaming (iirc we don't even get to see blood) and whoop-di-doo, she's got a motorcycle! And suddenly, despite all she's done, everybody loves her and thinks she's a total badass when she literally just threw an adult-sized tantrum. The motorcycle itself is also very lazy, it's just a motorcycle with a face. That's it. That's Makoto's Persona. A motorcycle. With. A. Face.

And from then on, everybody's suddenly a-ok and buddy-buddy with Makoto. It's ridiculous and just makes her come off as a Mary Sue because if somebody endangered my life I sure as hell would not be rubbing shoulders with them and I'm quite sure most people feel the same way. And again, after all this, Makoto does not get in trouble or even harshly reprimanded by the school for her extremely reckless actions; when she should have, and had the power to, just call the police or Sae. And all the Thieves somehow are now her friends and she gets to become a superhero.

So let me see if I understand. This girl stalks these people, blackmails them and forces them to go after hardened criminals (she was going to snitch on them if they didn't comply to her demands), goes in guns blazing by HERSELF to attempt to take down the mob boss, has to be rescued..

And gets praised and dubbed a badass for this???

And before you accuse me of having bias against Makoto, let it be known I in no way, shape or form condone Yusuke stalking Ann or Futaba blackmailing the Thieves either. It's. Still. Wrong.

Also, if you unironically think Makoto's stalking is cute, you're wrong. Stalking is creepy, regardless if it's a girl or guy doing it; no one gets a pass.

In addition, Makoto couldn't be bothered to help out at school but then goes after a MOB BOSS and puts herself in unnecessary danger? What's up with that?? If she felt powerless against Kamoshida, why in the world would she take on the Yakuza?

4. Her backstory doesn't mesh well with the rest of the team.

The gang are all outcasts and misfits in one way or another, and their pasts are less than savory.

Protagonist: Falsely accused of assaulting a woman, expelled from school and sent to Tokyo on a year probation despite his innocence, victim of nasty rumors by other students at his new school; abused by his gym coach, no contact with parents.

Ryuji: Abusive, alcoholic father who beat him and llater left him and his mother, abused by his gym coach, leg broken by his gym coach and labeled as a delinquent because his coach lied and acted like Ryuji attacked him, thus alienating him from the track team and by extent; the entire school. Losing his track scholarship because he can't run anymore, ruining his academic career.

Ann: Two parent household but they're never home, leaving her with a caretaker. Faced bullying and isolation due to being biracial (she's a quarter American), only having one friend before joining the Phantom Thieves. Blackmailed by the gym coach and sexually harassed in order to keep this one friend on the volleyball team, labeled as a slut because no one took the time to find out the truth of the matter. Friend is later raped and attempts suicide, Ann attempts to get help from the student council president but is blamed herself for Shiho's predicament. Also judged just for her looks, which she despises.

Yusuke: Biological father died presumably before his birth, biological mother had a seizure and died due to his mentor's negligence. Said mentor then takes Yusuke, a very small child at this point in time, and raises him in isolation. Psychologically (and very likely emotionally) manipulated, Kitagawa grows up in an abusive household and when confronted with the truth, is unwilling to believe it is so (as many abusive victims realistically behave). Later learns the truth about his mother and his mentor's plagiarism and detaches himself from him, but is extremely socially awkward out of touch due to isolation and as a result is isolated at school because no one wants to talk to him.

Futaba: Was blamed for her mother's death (whom she lost at 13-14) and lived with an extremely abusive uncle who underfed her and didn't even let her bathe herself. Developed severe anxiety and became suicidally depressed for over a year, refusing to even come out of her room. Had a friend who was abused by her parents and upon finding out the two fell out and only reconciled years later through the Internet. Bullied in school for her intellect.

Haru: Lost her mother at a young age, engaged against her will to an emotionally abusive, selfish fiancé for the sake of her father's company. Has deep-rooted trust issues due to people being kind to her solely because of her status; or mean for the exact same reasons. Later on lost her father as well at the age of 17, leaving all the responsibility of the company to her as she was the sole heir.

Morgana: Has no memories of who, or what, he used to be and suffers existential crises; suffers from vivid nightmares. Puts up a façade of arrogance to hide insecurities.

Makoto: Mother died when younger, father died in the line of work, older sister forced to become caretaker and work her rear off to provide for the both of them. Pressured into perfection by Sae.

That's.. literally it. Yes, she has no friends at school, but that's by her choice; she isolates herself in her studies and as a result is socially awkward and doesn't know how to interact with people (which makes her even less suitable to be put into any type of leadership position so how she became student council president is beyond me.) Makoto's life is heaven compared to the other Thieves and most of her issues would go away once she gets to college: the rest of the team doesn't have that luxury. By the way, please don't think I'm saying she doesn't deserve to be on the team because she doesn't have as deep a sob story, I'm not saying that at all. It's just that her backstory isn't really utilized as well as it should be and often times conflict is used to try to get the player to feel sorry for her (i.e. Sae calling her useless)

5. Her Confidant is abysmal and cliché.

So Makoto's Confidant actually starts out not half bad! You take her out to play video games and help her come out of her shell initially. But then it shifts to Eiko, an old friend of hers, who is a bad relationship. And this is when the Confidant begins to suffer, because it's not even about Makoto anymore. The president tells Eiko about the danger she's in, and her old classmate does not listen; declaring that since the older girl does not have a boyfriend she couldn't possibly understand. This logic is very flawed; it's like telling a smoker to stop smoking and they tell you "You don't even smoke, you don't know how bad it is". Yet Makoto listens to Eiko and comes to you, the protagonist; and asks you to pretend to be her boyfriend in order to convince her friend that she DOES understand. But it's so awkward Eiko's boyfriend and the girl herself can tell you're not genuine. And you have to keep this up for the rest of the Confidant, not to mention MAX Charm is required from Rank 5 onward in this route. Why?

Because apparently you're not attractive enough otherwise. And it's not even for Makoto, it's for Eiko, to convince her that you're hot enough to compare to her boyfriend; Takase. (Geez, shallow and childish much?) And then at the end of the Confidant, the romance angle comes off as very odd because you're literally treated like an afterthought the entire time and then suddenly Makoto turns around and wants you as her actual boyfriend?? Uh..where was her falling for you during the time spent together? It just feels like it comes outta nowhere, not to mention she wants to be a cop which the law literally ruined Joker's life soooo why is he getting into a romantic relationship with someone who wants to be associated with a source of his trauma? That's like a metaphorical slap in his face.

"Hey, I know you were literally beaten and drugged up, manhandled, falsely accused and put into solitary confinement by the law enforcement, causing you to suffer severe anxiety and you to possibly be scarred forever but I wanna be a cop even though I don't think straight in stressful situations and act on impulse and don't take insults or criticism well; and I want you to stay by my side even though I blackmailed you, stalked you, and endangered your life and did nothing while you were being abused by your gym coach."

(Let's not forget she also didn't say anything about Sae having a Palace until it was almost too late and Joker almost lost Futaba as a result.)

For Valentine's Day she declares "I've been waiting for you for so long" and that genuinely bewildered me because you don't really see her pining at all during her Confidant, nor during other events (the closest thing you get is her clinging to you in Sojiro's house but that's honestly not even romantic that's just her getting frightened and needing assurance in a very unnecessary "ship tease" moment). Same with the scene in Futaba's Palace, while Joker saving Queen was very sweet, he literally would've done that for anybody of his teammates. Makoto is not special in that regard.

6. How to better this character

•Introduce her to the Thieves in a better, more plot driven way, or remove her from the team completely.

Kaneshiro's arc should honestly just be scrapped, it was a sorry attempt to get Makoto on the team. A better time for her to join would be Sae's Palace since she actually has emotional ties to the Palace owner and by this time in the game could've developed to be a better person from the Kamoshida arc, wanting to make things right. This could also be a good start for her and Ann to begin to be on better terms- not even necessarily friends (because after what happened I honestly don't think Ann would want to be friends, at least not close), but learning to at least be civil. That, or she joins out of desperation because she doesn't want anything bad to happen to Sae and as the infiltration continues gets more and more nervous and ultimately rats their plan out (because Makoto as the traitor would be much better, writing-wise).

Alternatively, Hifumi joining instead of Makoto would also be very refreshing with Makoto covering up for them at school and supporting them on the sly.

•Treat her flaws as actual flaws, she's not perfect.

Makoto does have some bad traits, a few being:

•bad tempered

•reckless

•stubborn

•nosy

•hypocritical

•bossy

•socially awkward

But these are almost never treated in a negative light. With the Kamoshida arc and Kaneshiro arc, all is simply forgiven, same with her smacking Eiko across the face in a moment of anger. Even when wrong, Makoto is never wrong per say and this makes it difficult for her to be believable as a character. To fix this, having her suffer the consequences of her actions will make it more realistic. For example, getting Eiko to break up with her boyfriend but cutting ties with her too as a result would give Makoto the rude awakening that you can do the right thing the wrong way and people will not always forgive you for the mess you put them through (nor should they).

Her being punished for unnecessarily putting herself in danger with Kaneshiro would also be understandable (she should've been at least suspended, she could've gotten herself killed, plus all the then existing Phantom Thieves); as well as actually apologizing for the hell that was Kamoshida's drama. And not just to Ann, but everyone who suffered. That would show maturity and a willingness to change, and put her in a better light.

I want Makoto to get mad and she's fully in the wrong and she acknowledges she's wrong, have her recklessness get her or a teammate wounded in battle, etc. And have the others call her out when she's wrong and refuse to let it slide. Have them talk it out, grow as a team. Just..make Makoto fallible, flawed, broken even. She's an orphan, I want to touch more on her having to grow up quickly, feeling lonely and unsure of how to connect with people; talk about how her father is a driving force in her values and morals and how she wishes to honor him by following in his footsteps.

Delve into how she feels less than worthy if she does not achieve excellence but do it in a way that does not demonize Sae unnecessarily and try to make the reader/player feel sorry for her. Have Makoto spend more time with people in her team outside of team duties and while being awkward, genuinely interested and actively working to better her relationships. (She barely interacts with anyone besides Joker, Futaba, and on occasion, Haru) When Makoto is realistically flawed, she then becomes relatable and much more likable.

I want her fears to be plot relevant, not just slapped on for the sake of making her look "cute". Her being scared of the dark was never relevant, unlike Rei from Persona Q who was scared of the dark and had to go through a pitch black room in order to find key cards to help her friends escape a locked room or Yukari being terrified of death and having to come to terms with that. Same with her fixation for Buchimaru, it's cute but it doesn't add any depth to her character whatsoever or even her apparently knowing aikido? We never see Makoto fight outside the Metaverse unlike Chie or Akihiko so it feels like a character trait just slapped on to make her 'cooler'. It feels lazy, because it is. It's like the writers wanted her to be this strong, independent young woman but at the same time a scared, awkward little girl and the two ideas often clash; coming off as contradictory as if they couldn't make their minds up as to who they wanted Makoto to be.

Again, this is not an attack on Makoto fans. If you like her, that's valid and I respect that. I'm merely explaining why I don't and how I feel the writing failed her character and what I believe she'd be if her potential was maximized.

That's all, have a good day.