#glad i have the guitar knowledge that i have so its not like super hard but still a learning curve

[munson-babe]

I've been playing guitar for 15 years and i'm only just now learning "Master of Puppets" because of Eddie.

[onyourzeus]

11:48 am | pjh

title: 11:48am pairing: park jaehyung (of day6) & you genre: fluff, bullet style words: 2.1k

author’s note: mmm i’m kind of meh about this but i jus really needed to write so i don’t lose motivation, but this is just a short fic requested by this anon asking for a lazy day scenario with jae. hope it’s still an okay read.

any requests? check my pinned post if i’m accepting any at the moment, thanks!

once you receive a specific text from jae on a regular day

“whatchu doinnnn” 

you know he’s wondering if you’re not busy, and if you come hang out at his place

which, for the majority of the time, you always tell him “not much. y?”

even though you’re 99% sure of what he wants out of you

you have already made your way to a coffee shop before he had replied 

“same. wanna do nothing together? :)”

so u get two coffees: one americano and one vanilla latte (as much as you want to cut down calories here, there is no way you can drink just water and espresso by itself

you decide on getting two sandwiches as well, it’s close to noon and there’s a high probability that jae just woke up and he hasn’t even moved from the bed

you’re lowkey happy that jae texts you first (assumingly) during days like this because, honestly you miss the 6 foot lanky nerdy soft boy a lot

jae has a habit of keeping to himself during his downtime, especially now 

but with him streaming and having new friends through the platform has helped him socialize and feel a sense of normalcy from the world, which you are really glad for 

he’s mentioned how much he misses doing band activities but doesn’t really elaborate on them

he think he talks about it too much and that you wouldn’t want to hear his repetitive whining

you don’t have the needed bravery in your heart (yet) to tell him you will never get bored or feel burdened by his thoughts, no matter what they entail

so for now, when he asks of your presence in his lovely abode— you make time for him. always. 

even if it’s just a lazy day of doing nothing

you knock on his door and text him at the same time. you look around his neighborhood and enjoy the peace and quiet outside. you wonder if jae’s soundproof walls work well enough for his next door neighbors this time. you had told him multiple times that sungjin wouldn’t appreciate the noise too much, and he if he wanted to play he can do so at your place 

however you never suggested that last thought. it swam in the sea of your thoughts one too many times but it never came to shore. you thought too much about the implications of that idea

besides, what good came out of reminding him of his streamer noises is that he finally has an apartment of his own

and you don’t feel as shy or out of place whenever you came over to the one he shared with the boys 

“oh hey, wasn’t expecting you,” jae had opened the door and you snap out of your wondering

he greets you with drowsy eyes, a full yawn and long strands of hair sticking out everywhere 

you huff out a breath and show the goods in your hands. “you’re definitely gonna need this.”

his eyes light up as he recognizes the contents of the paper bag

“whaaaat you shouldn’t have, i was about to order for delivery,” he tries for an innocent tone but the goofy smile on his face makes that extra trip to the cafe worth it

“you’re welcome, jae.”

lazy days with jae come in two ways

number one: absolutely the title. you crash on the bed, he scolds you for it but then you feel his crushing weight on top of you for revenge or

you hog the couch, splay your legs until jae does the same thing and entangles all your limbs together it becomes a semi wrestling match

number two: he’d end up wanting to do something all this time, either jam on his guitar or play WoW with you in the background, just watching

commenting on things you have 0 knowledge about, and him dismissing every words you say with a random scream from his end

“you’re so bad at this lmao”

“NONONO STOPSTOPSTOP NONONO”

“is the riff supposed to sound like that? ew” 

“you want your face to meet my guitar? :)” 

yeah, banter between you can be brutal like this which is why it gets a little embarrassing to be your true self with him when the others are involved 

today, jae seems to just enjoy sipping on his iced coffee while tippy tapping on the floor to sit next to you on the couch

??? how can a grown man do something puppies so effortlessly pull out… just as cute if not even better??? 

usually, silence isn’t how the two of you spend lazy days together. once he’s thought of a topic to talk about, however out of this world or mundane it could be— the conversations you share are what you cherish the most bonding with jae

“you ever think about the first piece of a roll of sliced bread?”

“you mean the weird looking pieces no one ever chooses first and leaves it there until there’s none of the good slices left?”

“the very one” “what about it?”

“you’re that slice of bread”

“well yeah? jokes on you, you’re the OTHER piece. there’s two in a pack dumbass” 

one would mistake this as insulting, but this is how jae shows his affection to you, and you wouldn’t want it any other way

there’s a certain comfort in just.. not deliberating whether you’d overstep a line or say something that would be misconstrued. with jae, you appreciate the candid friendship you mutually benefit from

his sarcastic personality can be a pain at times when not needed, of course, but when you’ve missed him so much it just feels right

“jae your legs are too long for the couch get a new one.” he had taken over the other end of the couch with his legs over yours, and you’re trying your best to make the position comfortable

but being inches close to his socks and noticing that he’s intentionally moving his feet about just to annoy you

“you get me a new couch so we both fit here”

“bro do you know how empty my wallet is rn” 

“as empty as your love life?”

“oh we’re talking about ourselves right now? ok cool”

he scoffs at your comeback, but he remains speechless and gives you room to breathe. you panic for a second thinking maybe, this is the unexplained boundary he has to draw a line on? love? 

but he puts down his already finished americano, and looks back at you a deadpan expression

you sit up as well, nerves creeping up on your arm. you didn’t want to take it too far and in your defense, this isn’t the first time you teased each other about your, well, non-existent romantic endeavors

“jae, i—”

“oh my god did you see your face?? i was kidding chilllll” he starts to burst into a fit of laughter, the kind where he loses air and lolls his head back 

this time you pout, reaching over to flick him on the forehead. his 6th sense had improved a lot overtime being with you as he blocks your hand away from his face, and sticks a tongue out

“you think i wasn’t prepared for that anymore?” he taunt, locking his grip around your wrist

“now you’re just making fun of me” >:(

“you get really puffy cheeks and look adorable when you’re mad” 

“THAT IS NOT A VALID REASON!!”

eventually he lets you go, pats your head then proceeds to just ruffle it as messy as his, and in an instant your mood changes again

you shouldn’t lie to yourself anymore, you love jae’s company and it would kill you if he���d one day decide he’s too old or too “mature” for moments like this

you get winded up with denial of having a crush on your best friend, and you’re so sure he knows at this point

because he reels you back into the present and challenges you to a game os super smash bros

and when he loses, he does it again. and you win again, and this time he says it was just a warm-up and he shouldn’t go easy on you anymore

and then you win again, and you’re the one cackling in the air at his look of defeat as well as the 6 losses he had endured during the matches

“man you’re getting rusty”

“am not! i’ve just been playing WoW too much i’m not used to switch controls anymore…”

“sure buddy”

“HEY, 1v1 me in league right now, i dare you”

“no”

“WHY?”

“you only have one desktop, stupid. i didn’t bring my laptop”

“oh so by default I win :D”

nothing can ever get away with jae, he always needs to have the last laugh with you and at times it’s frustrating, but his carefree charisma has grown on you so much that you anticipate what else he has in store to give you a hard time 

jokes on him, you fall for jae just an inch deeper the more he treats you comfortably this way 

it’s only been an hour or two, but jae had decided that he’s done enough productive stuff for the day (read: losing too many times) and invited you over to chill on his bed

it’s not an uncommon sight for the both of you to lie next to each other, taking turns with queueing up music on spotify. songs you and jae love together, and those that are new to your ears 

sometimes, you’d talk over the playlist— it becomes more of background noise as jae asks you about your day, the days before that, and what you’re planning on doing in the future

he doesn’t ask for specific answers, he likes to hear how you’ve been feeling, emotionally so

jae has always been intrigued by other people’s perception of themselves, of the things around them, and of what they think of the universe in the back of their minds

it was a little too much to handle, those questions of his, when you first were just getting to know each other

but he eased into it naturally, confessing about his love for the moon— its beauty in appearance, and the beauty of its purpose

which made you think… you’re in love with the moon too, not just what you see in the sky

but what you see right next to you right now

jae had given you enough time before to open up about your own thoughts, struggles, and share secrets with him. it didn’t take long until you found the trust between you and held onto it for dear life

lazy days with jae can be just that— lazy, loafing around the house, stealing a chip or two from each other’s bag, falling asleep to the sound of lofi music on the speaker

but it can go this way too: with jae explaining how good this one song can be, the metaphors every verse carries with the melody. “you’ve always heard of chocolate eyes or whatever, but blueberry? and to describe the setting sun as strawberry skies? amazing, GENIUS” 

and you laugh, and listen to the same song over and over as per jae’s request until he overpowers the original vocals— and you don’t complain, there’s not a sound you love to hear on a lazy afternoon than his low register, the kind of singing he does just for the heck of it. he’s not exerting too much range, too much work on the words he sings— he’s just doing so to comfort him, to bring life to the room, to dwell on each poetic verse’s meaning

i’m so lost in your blueberry eyes

he finishes singing, and the playlist shuffles to an instrumental lofi track with an upbeat, charming rhythm to it

jae keeps his eyes closed, smiling to himself probably proud for his faux performance

“you done gloating in your head yet, jae?”

“shut up i’m feeling the moment”

you poke his shoulder with yours, and you’re suddenly hyper aware at how close the two of you are.. physically, right now

he turns his head towards you, eyes fluttering, lips slightly open. he catches you staring, and it’s too sudden for you to look away and pretend it’s not awkward at all

“what are you doing?” he asks, a lilt of teasing on his voice but his eyes never leave yours 

“sh..shut up,” you quip in a small voice, looking down on your laying bodies before turning away, cheeks warm

“wait what? what i was asking a genuine question—”

“i was.. feeling the moment, okay? god jae you’re annoying” you mutter under your breath, a lousy response to cover up the pounding in your chest

“this moment feels really nice, doesn’t it?” he says next to you, quiet but gentle

you pause for a second, taking in his words and letting go of the smile you’re trying to hold off on

your heart is still racing, but there wasn’t a need to worry about stumbling with your feelings

if jae himself is enjoying your own company right now 

“it is. if it’s with you, it really is.”

[bpro-cardstories]

Goshi Kaneshiro SSR

2019 ー Live Street Show  [路上ライブ]

“Yeah. …… I’m always serious about my work. Even if I die, I won’t compromise when it comes to music. It’s myself who knows best that this feeling is genuine.”

『Event: Hit and Run! Super Rookies (17th - 29th September 2019)』

Part 1

THRIVE are practicing for the upcoming baseball match against the professionals. 

Yuta: ‘Gochin, nice pitch! You’re also already perfect in using the curves and straights!’

Goshi: ‘Yeah.’ 

Yuta: ‘Isn’t it time for you to rest your shoulders? Kenken, it’s your turn to practice batting ~!’ 

Kento: ‘Already? Isn’t it too early?’ 

Yuta: ‘It’s not! Come on, stand up, stand up ~!’ 

Tsubasa: ‘You did well, Kaneshiro-san. Please use this towel. I also have this drink for you.’

Goshi: ‘Aa, thanks.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, I was a little worried when I first heard that everyone was not very familiar with baseball but… there was no need to. Kaneshiro-san too, and the other members as well are very good at it, not only experienced players can see it.’ 

Goshi: ‘.... Is that so?’ 

Yuta: ‘Kenken, how about doing the bunt* with all your might during practice! Swing the bat!’ 

Kento: ‘I refuse. I noticed that this form doesn’t disturb my bangs. Above all, it’s one that makes the hand of the opponent feel shaken, right.’

Yuta: ‘That might be true! But we’re practicing to hit a home run right now ~!!’

Observing the scene in front of him, Goshi doubts Tsubasa’s words from earlier.

Goshi: ‘....You still think like that?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I-Including now! It is possible for you to be able to play properly!’

Her honest words of encouragement make Goshi chuckle a bit. 

Goshi: ‘Ha, how so? But never did I think to play baseball. If it wasn’t for work I wouldn’t ever have tried it, I guess.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘That might be true. Baseball tournaments between non-professional teams or grass-lot baseball** are both basically like professional ones, I think.’

Goshi: ‘You’re right.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘.... So, how is it?’ 

Goshi: ‘Hm? What do you mean?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Baseball. As expected, it is quite difficult to practice between other jobs, right.’

Goshi: ‘That’s true. But… it’s surprisingly not bad. I feel like both my body and head are always using different parts. Or rather…. It’s more fun than I thought….’

Tsubasa: ‘I see…! I’m glad to hear that, to be honest, I wouldn’t know what to do if it had turned into a burden for you….’

Goshi: ‘It’s not really a matter you should be worried about. After all, whether it’s hard or not, I will give it my all if it’s work.’ 

Goshi: ‘But this time… I feel like I was reminded of something that I started to forget.’

Tsubasa: ‘Something you started to forget?’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah. How should I put it, it’s the attitude towards jumping into an unknown world and challenging it boldly… To keep growing, you absolutely can’t lose this feeling. But…when you get desperate, you forget even such a thing.’ 

Goshi: ‘.... I, too, need to pay more attention to other things from now on.’ ___________

After the short but serious talk THRIVE heads to their next job, to the radio station. 

Kento: ‘Today’s theme was 『THRIVE members’ favourites』so it says, we first went with one song.’ 

Yuta: ‘It was super cool right from the intro~! As expected of Gochin’s favourite song. It’s the one that I can hear in the morning coming from your room, right?’

Goshi: ‘Yeah, I’m often using it instead of the alarm clock now. It’s good to get yourself started. To reach the top with just your singing and a guitar, I’m overwhelmed by such skill and strength.’ 

Kento: ‘If I’m not mistaken, he was a street musician. He was scouted by someone from a recording company who stopped in front of him. It was his major debut, no?’

Goshi: ‘Right. From the start, it seems to be quite the famous home then, huh. I also heard that his voice was slow***.’ 

Goshi: ‘Hearing that, I’m a bit frustrated, to be honest. Talent and effort alone take time.’ 

Yuta: ‘Yes yes, even if you can make and sing a cool song, there’s still luck and timing ~’

Yuta: ‘But to have someone find him was amazing!! Speaking of which, where’s his hometown?’

Goshi: ‘It’s Fukuoka.’ 

Yuta: ‘Hee~! Then should we go to the place where he’s singing!?’

This was something he was not supposed to talk about. But Yuta hasn't noticed yet. He keeps talking. 

Kento: ‘Eh? …. Hey, Yutaーー’ 

Yuta: ‘Ehehe, baseball, ramen, pilgrimage…..! I’m excited to visit Fukuoka but I added another one~ ♪.’ 

Goshi: ‘You….. Didn’t we tell you to not speak about it again.’ 

Yuta: ‘Huuh?....... Ahh!!!’ 

Goshi: ‘Geez…..’

Yuta: ‘Hyahー, I’m so sorry! Please cut that scene just now out, dear staff.’ 

Goshi: ‘Are you an idiot? It’s a live broadcast!’

Yuta: ‘Wahwah, you’re right!’

To change the topic, Kento suggests with a smile to move on.

Kento: ‘Alright, let’s all forget what was just said.’

Kento: ‘Should I let you listen to my favourite song, hm? I like that its lyrics capture my feelings for all you sweet girls. So carefully listen to the song and take in my feelings, okay?’ ___________

Tsubasa: ‘ーーThank you for the live broadcast, everyone!’

Yuta: ‘Thanks, Tsubasa-chan~! About earlier, I’m sorry!! Tsubasa-chan won’t get angry, right!?’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, no I won’t. Because it was not talked about in detail.’ 

Yuta: ‘Really!? I’m relieved~.......!’

Tsubasa: ‘Ah….. Speaking of which, it is about the talk about Fukuoka. I was contacted earlier. It was decided that Kaneshiro-san’s and Aizome-san’s stay as well will be extended.’ 

Goshi: ‘Why’s that so? …… Don’t tell me we also have to practice making ramen.’ 

Kento: ‘Eh, is that true? No way, I don’t need to wear a towel around my head, right?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘No, it is a different matter. Requests for shootings and interviews came in for both Kaneshiro-san and Aizome-san. Some local magazines like to put together a special feature.’ 

Kento: ‘Aah, I see.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘It seems that the shooting will happen early in the morning on the day after the baseball match. The schedule will be quite hard but I am hoping for your cooperation.’ 

Goshi: ‘Understood.’ 

Kento: ‘I’m also counting on you, Tsubasa.’ 

Part 2

ーThe day of the interviews and photoshoot.ー

Tsubasa: ‘ーーThis will be all for the photoshoot at this location. Next is the still photoshoot near the live house. Afterwards, you will have a talk with its owner.’

Goshi: ‘Okay.’ 

Kento (grinning): ‘..... Goshi, you seem awfully happy?’

Goshi (smiling): ‘Of course I am. You don’t know that but the live house we’ll go to now is a sacred place for music lovers. The top artists always mention this place first when they’re  in magazines or the TV, even now.’  

Kento (rolls his eyes): Uwah, look at the high tension…..’

Goshi (annoyed): ‘What? It’s because you brought up the topic! Don’t play dumb!’

(Fufu, Kaneshiro-san really likes the music. When he looks so happy, compared to his usual appearance, it even makes me smile.) ___________

ーIn the live house.ー

Kento: ‘Hee….. That’s some amazing collection of signs. And only from top-notch celebrities. There’s also a sign from the person, the radio talked about the other day.’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah…..’

Kento: ‘...... Are you stargazing?’

Goshi: ‘No, that’s not itーー Wait a minute. Wow….. For real, the whole band is coming here.’ 

Goshi: ‘This one here…..’

Goshi (shocked): ‘Artists that haven’t performed in Japan yet are coming here!? No way…..!’

Kento: ‘Tsubasa, look at the excited figure next to you. Since it’s happening, don’t you think it would be better to record it. If you show it to them when they’re acting normal, it certainly will be amusing.’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, you’re right. You don’t often see this juvenile Kaneshiro-san.’ 

Goshi: ‘Oi, don’t treat me like a kid.’

Tsubasa: ‘I-I am sorry……!’

Kento: ‘Hey, she was right, so stop picking a quarrel with her. That was scary, right, Tsubasa.’ 

Goshi: ‘Right back at you, stop taking advantage of Sumisora and make her do stuff.’ 

Kento (teasing): ‘What, did Goshi want to chat with Tsubasa some more, as well?’ 

Goshi: ‘What?’

Tsubasa: ‘Y-You two….. Ah right, there is a matter concerning an inquiry prior to now.’

Goshi: ‘...... What is it?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘It seems that the store’s owner’s passion and the depth of his knowledge for music is famous and that many artists come here to listen to his talks. However, no matter how famous one is, if there is no appointment, then it looks like he will be denied serving customers…..’ 

Kento: ‘Why is that so?’

Tsubasa: ‘It seems that the owner’s most important matter is to support young musicians. Giving the artists who are performing near the street a stage to stand on without compensation, or upon finding a talented one making contact with someone related to music…..’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Because at times with such an arrangement, it will be given priority. Because, by no means, does he want to slow down the young ones who are taking on『A new challenge』.’

Kento: ‘Hee….. Very cool.’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah…… Human beings can easily be swayed by fame and money. Not everyone can do it. It’s an honour to hear it from such a person.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I agree, I also like to let you learn from him.’ 

Staff: ‘The equipment preparation is done! Kaneshiro-san, Aizome-san, let’s start!’

Kento: ‘Yes. We’ll be in your care.’ ___

Goshi: ‘.......『A new challenge』, huh.’

Tsubasa: ‘Kaneshiro-san?’

Goshi: ‘...... Yeah, I’m going now.’ ___________

ーIn THRIVE’s hotel room.ー

A knock on the door.

Yuta: ‘Yes, who is it?’

Tsubasa: ‘I am sorry, to come so late in the night….. Sumisora here. I have something to talk about regarding the schedule tomorrow.’ 

Yuta: ‘Eh? Tsubasa-chan? W-Wait a minute, okay!?’

Tsubasa: ‘......? Yuta-kun?’

Yuta: ‘Fuuh…… Sorry for making you wait, Tsubasa-chan! Here, come in!’

Tsubasa: ‘I am sorry, did I perhaps interrupt you at something…..?’

Yuta: ‘No No No, not at all!!’

Tsubasa: ‘Sweat….. Was it dance practice?’

Yuta: ‘Ah~ ….. Yep! Something like that! More importantly, what’s about the schedule?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Oh, it’s about Kaneshiro-san and Aizome-san’s schedule….. Where are they?’

Yuta: ‘Eh? Usually, they’re outside….. Could it possibly be that they went out without telling Tsubasa-chan!?’

Tsubasa: ‘Y-Yes……’

Yuta: ‘Waah, I thought they certainly let you know properly, so I didn’t stop them….. I’m so sorry!! I’ll try to contact them on LINE, wait a minute!’

Part 3

Yuta: ‘Ah, a reply from Kenken!’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I’m glad…. I wonder where they are now?’ 

Yuta: ‘Ehm…… Yep, it must be the usual…..’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Eh?’

Yuta: ‘No, anyway, he said he’ll come back. It looks like he’s not too far away.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘That is reassuring to hear. And, Kaneshiro-san…..’ 

Yuta: ‘No, Gochin didn’t reply. Where did he go? He also didn’t read my message at all…..’  

Tsubasa: ‘I see….. If that is the case, then I will go look around a bit nearby.’ 

Yuta: ‘Eh? It’s going to be dangerous when you go out at this hour all alone! I’m going, too!’

Tsubasa: ‘It will be fine. I will not go too far since I am not familiar with the surroundings here. Besides, it will be troublesome if you miss each other.’

Yuta: ‘But…..’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Should Kaneshiro-san come back, I would be thankful, if you contact me immediately. Could I ask you for this favour?’ 

Yuta (worried): ‘Tsubasa-chan……. Alright, leave it to me! But, you really need to be careful! Absolutely not get involved with weird people!’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I understood. I will be going now.’ ___________

Tsubasa: ‘....... He’s not here as well, huh.’ 

(Kaneshiro-san, he can’t be found at all…. Where in the world could he be. I haven’t heard of a friend he has here. A place he would go to, perhaps the place near the photoshoot today?) 

(Or, a place that’s related to musicーー)

Tsubasa: ‘Oh…. The sound of a guitar?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I remember, there are many street musicians around here. I wonder if Kaneshiro-san’s favourite artists also performed in this kind of place…..’ 

Music: ~~~♪♪

(A comfortable tone colour…..) 

Music: ~~~♪♪

(The singing voice is amazing as well…..) 

Tsubasa: ‘...... Eh? This voice…..’ 

???: ‘...... Thank you very much.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Eh……!?’

Goshi: ‘Ah? ……. Damn.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘K-Kaneshiro-san! What are you doing!?’

Part 4

Goshi: ‘Hey, keep your voice down…..!’

Tsubasa: ‘I-I am sorry….. But, what are you doing in such a place…..’ 

Goshi: ‘What I’m doing, you say….. You’ll understand by seeing it, right. I’m giving a street performance.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Saying it so easily….. But wait please, where is the guitar from?’

Goshi: ‘That’s….. The master of the store from today lent it to me. When he said, if you have something you absolutely want to do, take it.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Something you want to do….. Is it a street live?’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah.’ 

Goshi: ‘Well….. Sorry for doing so without telling you.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘That is true. you neither contacted nor read the messages….. I was very worried.’ 

Goshi (sighs): ‘I said, I’m sorry, didn’t I. About that….. Sorry.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Kaneshiro-san….. Because you are safe, it’s fine. However, why all of the sudden…..’ 

Goshi: ‘Why did I want to sing here, you mean?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Yes. Even though you have a lot of places where you can sing.’ 

Goshi: ‘That’s…… I, too, wanted to try out the challenge in this city. Standing here, with just my own will, in this place.’ 

Goshi: ‘At that time….. Do you remember what we talked about when I practiced baseball? I said that I want to, even more, shift my focus on other things.’

Tsubasa: ‘Of course. Not wanting to forget the feeling of jumping into an unknown world.’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah. …… I’m always serious about my work. Even if I die, I won’t compromise when it comes to music. It’s myself who knows best that this feeling is genuine.’

Goshi: ‘But, it’s not that I think this alone is enough. Obsessing too much over your own tone, causes you to lose your flexibility. As a result, if you limit this expression, it’ll come to nothing. This is why I wanted to jump into a new world here and see something for myself that I can’t see.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘..... I’m very grateful that you talked to me. I was able to somehow understand the reason why Kaneshiro-san wants to sing in this place. So…… Were you able to see it? Something new…..’ 

Goshi (sighs): ‘....... I wonder. To be honest, I don’t understand it. But it certainly made sense.’ 

Goshi (smiles): ‘Since there are a lot of drunkards here, nobody noticed, that means I completely lack the skill as an idol. That’s the sole thing I noticed. Though, there were also people who stopped and listened to my music even if they didn’t know me.’ 

Goshi: ‘That’s enough for now.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘........’ 

(...... When I think about the various dangers, he really needs to pay attention properly….. But, when he shows such a fulfilling expression, I can’t say anything.) 

Goshi: ‘..... What’s wrong, Sumisora.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘No….. Should there be something you want to do, I would be grateful if you tell me in a few words from now on. I will do my best to support you.’ 

Goshi (smiles): ‘...... Okay. Thanks.’ 

Goshi: ‘Alright, I’m going to put away my things, so wait for a minーー’    

???: ‘Eh~! You’re going already~? Mister, won’t you please play another cool song?’ 

Goshi (surprised): ‘Ah……?’

Part 5

Goshi: ‘...... You two…..’ 

Kento: ‘You seem to be doing quite some enjoyable thing, Goshi.’ 

Yuta (blushes): I became a fan of you, mister~! I want to hear more!! Encore! Encore!!’

Goshi: ‘Don’t joke with me, shut it!’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Why are you here, you two……’ 

Yuta: ‘When I was able to meet up with Kenken safely, I left Gochin a note and went to look for Tsubasa-chan.’ 

Kento: ‘Leaving a cute girl behind in the city night, you can’t do that.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘You are right….. I am sorry to have worried you.’ 

Kento: ‘No, to begin with, it’s our fault, we need to apologize.’ 

Yuta (grins): ‘Exactly.’ 

Kento: ‘...... But I’m glad we found Tsubasa right away. I also could see that Goshi was in his springtime of life all alone.’ 

Yuta: ‘True, true! It was the opposite atmosphere from hiding your face and looking down!’ 

Goshi: ‘You lot, you’re totally making fun of me, right….. Geez, enough with that. Let’s get going.’ 

Yuta: ‘Waah, wait, wait! I really meant it with the encore earlier! It’s such a rare opportunity, I genuinely want to hear Gochin’s song!’ 

Yuta (smiles): ‘Idol Goshi is cool, too. But street musician Goshi is shining incredibly as well. ♪ That’s why, as a guest, I want to listen to your singing.’ 

Goshi (surprised): ‘Ashu……’ 

Kento: ‘Yeah. Now that Yuta said that, just do one song. If you like, I’ll give you 1000¥.’ 

Goshi: ‘No, thanks! And what’s with the arrogant attitude!’ 

Yuta: ‘Anyways, I want to hear Gochin’s song~! Until you won’t let me listen to it, I won’t move.’

Goshi: ‘Come again?’ 

Kento (winks): ‘Don’t waste time. Besides, Goshi also wants to sing more, yes?’ 

Goshi (sighs): ‘..... Tch. Good grief, I don’t have a choice. Only one song.’ 

Yuta: ‘Yay~!!’ 

Goshi: ‘..... Is that fine, Sumisora?’

Tsubasa: ‘Y-Yes. There are almost no people around anymore….. If it’s only for a bit.’ 

Goshi: ‘Then……’ 

The sound of Goshi’s guitar and his singing go through the street.

Yuta: ‘Waah……! When you listen to music in the midst of the city, it sounds different than usual! Very cool…..!’

Kento: ‘.........’ 

(As I thought, Kaneshiro-san’s music has amazing strength. I feel that both the tone of the guitar and the words directly resonate with usーー)

Goshi: ‘...... Fuuh.’

Yuta: ‘........’

Kento: ‘........’

Goshi: ‘...... What.’

Yuta: ‘....... I’m moved.’

Goshi (surprised): ‘Hah?’

Yuta: ‘I was so moved! You, aren’t you interested in the entertainment world!? I’ll definitely make you a star.’ 

Kento: ‘Ah, a scout appeared, Goshi. Isn’t that your chance for a major debut?’ 

Goshi: ‘Shut up! Don’t do that stupid imitation. Geez, it’s fine now. It’s the end, you hear. I’ll go return the guitar, so go back without me.’ 

Yuta: ‘Okay! Thanks, Gochin~! It really, absolutely was a wonderful performance!!’ 

Kento (teases): ‘When you go back and get lost, it will trouble Tsubasa, you know.’ 

Goshi: ‘You don’t need to remind me. Just go.’ 

Yuta: ‘Then see you back at the hotel~♪. Let’s go, Tsubasa-chan.’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes.’

Goshi: ‘..... Oi, Sumisora.’

Tsubasa: ‘......? How can I help.’

Goshi: ‘Don’t tell Yashamaru-san about today.’

Tsubasa: ‘E-Ehm, that is……’ 

To persuade her, Goshi closes their distance and asks her once again with a smile.

Goshi: ‘It’s a secret just between us. Understood?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Uh…….’ 

Goshi: ‘If you did, then get going. See you later.’ 

END ___________________________

*Bunt: A bunt is a baseball technique in baseball or fastpitch baseball. To bunt, the batter loosely holds the bat in front of home plate and intentionally taps the ball into play.  [Source: Wikipedia] 

**Grass-lot baseball: Probably the same thing as sand-lot baseball. It refers to pick up games. It refers to games as simple as you and 7 of your neighbors with four guys on each team. [Source: Yahoo Answers]

***T/N: I honestly have no idea what the sentence means, I’m sorry. This is me guessing here based on words I could understand.

[hquirks]

hello !!! omg yalls admin names are so CUTE it makes me hungry it’s currently 1am where im at 🤤 anyways if the boys at karasuno were youtubers instead, what kind of videos do u think theyd post? discussion is OPEN

Hi anon!! We’re glad you like our admin names !! We were pretty hungry when we made them hehe. Also thank you for this ask and for being our first anon!! We had a lot of fun doing this!! We were laughing so much while we were facetiming as we did it!! So thank you again and much love! Hope you enjoy!! ❤️ - Noodle ✨, BananaMilk 🐯, and Frice 🌊

Karasuno as YouTubers AU

School: Karasuno

Genre: Headcanons, fluff, crack

Warnings: one mention of alcohol

HINATA SHOYO & KAGEYAMA TOBIO

Hinata definitely dragged Kageyama to make this channel

He only agreed if they did things they both could do

So, they have a whole Volleyball 101 series like how to receive, block, set, etc. They also help teach like volleyball fundamentals and strategies!

They also do exercise and stretch tutorials

Kags would have a series of good and healthy food while Hinata would vlog about his days which mostly are about playing volleyball and biking lol PLUS interview his friends especially during training camps like Kenma and Bokuto.

They do lives sometimes but they always end up fighting/bickering somehow and it becomes popular content 

SUGAWARA KOUSHI

Actual DIY king!!

He has a DIY channel for pen pals, bookmarks, socks, candles, slime, etc.

He will even do the really weird life hacks to see if they work or not

Very soft and pastel with a sprinkle of chaos because it is Sugawara 

Vibes of those angry home cafe videos like one minute he’s making really cute cakes but another minute he’s punching the air and pouring chocolate all over his hand

His videos are popular not only because he’s so sweet and friendly (and chaotic) but also because he’s so pretty (has many girls and guys in the comments like “are you single uwu”)

SAWAMURA DAICHI

You know that dad on YouTube with the “how to…”? That’s Daichi

Examples of the videos are like “How to fix your tire” or “How to manage your finances” 

He also loves to tell about his life and just gives advice like “What it means to be responsible” or “Tips for proper and open communication”

Also has “funnier” bits like “How I managed 11 demons (10 children + 1 vice-captain)” 

(it’s 30 mins and most of the time it’s actually just chaotic bits of volleyball practice from their school and even when they are at the Japan camp)

(also the boys from the schools (read: Bokuto and Kuroo) take the camera at one point and just bombards the video)

NISHINOYA YUU & TANAKA RYUUNOSUKE

We all know they have a joint acct!! Their channel is like Korean Englishmen/Jolly

They love to vlog whether it's about school, their trips, volleyball practice, just anything!!

They also love to do all the challenges and trends

Their most viewed video is of them trying do the fire noodle challenge bc they almost DIED eating it 

(they chugged a whole bottle of milk between themselves and even went to the store to buy more and bathed themselves in it)

TSUKISHIMA KEI & YAMAGUCHI TADASHI

Their channel is like Buzzfeed Unsolved/The Watchers !!

Yama is Ryan and Tsukki is Shane. Chaos and debates obviously happen. 

Would collaborate with Tanka and Noya or the other first years to go to a local haunted house place together and record their reactions/experiences. Buzzfeed unsolved way. 

Separate sections: tsukki makes a playlist of music and yamaguchi local food restaurant reviews(think Worth It). 

Reaction videos to music videos (it’s fun to watch them because tsukki usually maintains his cool stance and yamaguchi is completely honest with his feelings. Tsukki mostly criticises and analyzes musical technicalities, but sometimes when he’s amazed you can see his eyes widen. 

YACHI HITOKA

Her channel is mostly drawing tutorials + speed painting!!

Also does Adobe product tutorials, very technical but also cutesy aesthetic like she has a her own character (that’s a baby chick) at the corner of her videos

Vlogs where she live records her drawing + sometimes rants about the torture of rendering 3D animation

She actually vlogged the one time she spent 28 hours at the library trying to render a video that was 1 minute and 30 seconds long...

She does some baking videos and sometimes does collab with Asahi’s channel!! Because of their height differences, the top of Asahi’s head is often cut off from the screen 

Kiyoko makes frequent appearances at Yachi’s channel and everyone loves when she comes on

SHIMIZU KIYOKO

She would have an ASMR channel that mostly focuses on her hands and the objects she’s using

She doesn’t like showing her face or having anything attached to her so no one ever knows it’s her (she’s uncomfy with all the attention vs. when she’s on Yachi’s channel where the attention is shared)

But she becomes like one of the top ASMR channels bc her vibes are really soft and also super aesthetic

Also, SOUND QUALITY !!! exquisite !!! best crunches, taps, scratches, etc. 

Her most popular ASMR video is the one where she roleplays as a witch

NARITA KAZUHITO & KINOSHITA HISAHI

They have an anime/Marvel channel together!

Top 10 Anime Betrayals, Top 10 Anime Deaths, Best 2020 Anime Shows, Could this character beat Goku discussion/debate, etc. You name it. They have it. 

They do reaction videos to anime shows/movies/marvel trailers. 

Civil War Debate: Who Was Right (a lot of differing opinions so its LONG), All Marvel movies Ranked, Funniest moments in Marvel compilations, etc. 

Their most popular video is when they made a funny video pretending to be BNHA heroes and have quirks. They invited the other 2nd years as well and it was a MESS but they had fun making it and editing it with bad effects and all.

ENNOSHITA CHIKARA

Of course our choir boy has a singing channel (covers, original songs, collaborations, etc.)

Plays guitar and sometimes posts acapella videos

He does youtube live with his fans and talks about his day, what he is working on, his favorite songs/musicals, etc. He answers their questions too!! 

Ennoshita does a collaboration series with Takeda sensei (our musical lover) reacting and discussing music videos/songs. Very knowledgeable and calming vibes

He does it with the Karasuno team too and those become his most popular videos because they are SOOO chaotic and funny. Complete opposite of when he does a collab with Takeda sensei

AZUMANE ASAHI

Mainly a cooking channel that specializes in easy recipes!!

He also does a miniature food series.You would think he would have a hard time but he is very adept with small instruments.

Bakes sometimes due to Yachi’s influence, loves to bake bread from scratch.

Fashion tips : “How to layer clothes,” “How to find your aesthetic”, “How to do monochrome looks right”, etc. 

He did a makeover series on the Karasuno team where he diagnoses and dresses them up from head to toe

One of his popular series is “How to cook/bake without a recipe” and the Karasuno group are invited to do it in teams! It is pure entertainment lol.

BONUS~

Coach Ukai and Takeda sensei make frequent appearances in Daichi’s channel / Hinata & Kageyama’s channel

Takeda sensei also goes food hunting with Yamaguchi sometimes and will leave reviews for the restaurant drinks (alcohol

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

Someone Who Loves You As Much - Dallon Weekes x Reader

Requested on Wattpad

Warnings: asshole former classmate

Word count: 2 419

A/N: Surprise, I’m still alive!

“And before we play this last song, let’s hear it one more time for the amazing Midnight Demons!”

You rubbed your towel through your hair, and grinned as you heard Dallon demand applause for your band again. You were on tour with iDKHOW, and the band you were playing guitar in, The Midnight Demons, was the opening band. Tonight was special, since you had been playing in your hometown. You wanted to show you band mates, Dallon, Ryan, and the crew your favorite bar, which was not far from the venue, so you had quickly taken a refreshing after-show-shower in the little bathroom that belonged to the dressing room. You felt immediately relaxed from the hot water, and the fresh shampoo, which smell had engulfed you entirely, while you had listened to Dallon and Ryan playing over the water. The bass had been still loud enough to make your heart vibrate, and it was a strange feeling that only a few walls separated you from the audience which had whole-heartedly sung along to the Midnight Demons’ music.

Now you were dressed in one of your favorite shirts, wearing some comfortable jeans, and your hair was still a little wet, but you did not mind.

Soon deafening applause sounded from the stage, and a few seconds later Ryan and Dallon entered the dressing room.

“(Y/n),” Ryan cheered, and offered you a high-five, “is that your shampoo? It smells fantastic!”

You nodded and poked Ryan’s hand with your index finger, making him giggle.

“It’s mine, yeah. Thanks.”

“Can I borrow it,” Ryan asked excitedly.

You raised your eyebrows at him in surprise, but then you shrugged and nodded. Ryan grinned and grabbed the bottle out of your still open bag, took his towel, and disappeared into the bathroom.

“Good show?”

You turned to Dallon, who had whipped off his forehead with a towel, and was about to change into a fresh, not sweaty shirt. You quickly turned away again, not wanting to invade Dallon’s privacy, but also to hide the blush that rose to your cheeks. You were a grown-up, why was the naked chest of a man making you blush so hard? Probably it was the fact that it was Dallon, because any other person would have left you stone-cold.

“I can’t complain,” you answered, speaking against a wall. “Actually I think I finally manage these super weird riffs in the last song. Took me ages to get these right.”

“I never noticed,” Dallon answered, “you can turn back now.”

You turned back to Dallon and shrugged, “I’m good at improvising.”

Dallon giggled and nodded, grabbing his bag, and pointing towards the door.

“Shall we?”

You flung your own backpack over your shoulder, and stepped through the door Dallon held open with you, smiling at him as a thank you.

You had almost reached the door to the parking lot, when Dallon suddenly groaned.

“I forgot something in the changing room; I’m back in a sec.”

“Do you want me to wait,” you asked, your hand already resting on the cold metal door handle.

“Nah, it’s fine, you go to the bus,” Dallon assured you before he turned around, and quickly walked back into the direction you had come from.

Cold air brushed over your skin as you pushed the door open. Outside it was dark, apart from the street lanterns that lit up the parking lot. You had made a few steps when you noticed a group of about five teenagers, waiting a few meters away from the door, their eyes fixed on you as you stepped into the night. They all were holding papers and probably photographs, and mobile phones. You were familiar with this scenario. There were always a hand-full of fans, which found the backstage door, and waited for you and the other musicians after the show. You smiled even though you were kind of tired and looking forward to get to that little bar you wanted to take your friends to, but meeting fans always was your favorite thing on tour. So you lifted your hand in greeting, and pulled the fabric of your sweatshirt tighter around your body, trying to protect yourself from the cold.

The five seemed a little hesitant, but just as you had lifted your hand, they started moving towards you. They were still several meters away, when suddenly a voice behind you spoke up.

“Hey (y/n).”

You spun around and saw that a man had stood by the wall, next to the door. You had not noticed him when you had stepped outside because you had been too focused on the kids. Now he stood about two feet behind you, and at first you were tempted to punch this person, out of reflex; you hated to get scared like this, but then you recognized features you had not seen in at least eight years. Orange light shone on the face of the man your high school crush had turned into. Maybe other people would have gotten excited, or might have had butterflies in their stomach. But you only got annoyed.

This man, boy back then, had bathed in the knowledge that you had liked him. He had used it for his own advantage, and had never even said one nice thing to you. Instead of flipping him of and walking away as you would do now, you had forgiven him everything, and never even wondered why he made a joke out of torturing you. The end of the story was that he had managed to stomp your self-confidence into the ground and you still had not entirely recovered from the aftermath. Your crush on him had suddenly ended one afternoon, a few months before graduation, when he somehow managed to insult your best friend and your pet dog in the same sentence. Ever since you had been torn out of your pink cloud, and finally realized how terribly he had treated you, and you had not even been together. It was needless to say that some of the words he had thrown at you still hunted you in your nightmares, but overall, you just were angry and mostly indifferent towards him. He was an asshole, and you had amazing friends, a band that was on the upcoming, and led the life you always had wanted to live.

“David,” you answered, a forced smile making its way onto your face, “how are you?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” he replied, his voice silky, and you knew this was never a good sign, “I saw the show. Pretty impressive, seeing you up on that stage.”

“Thanks, I worked hard for it.”

You were about to turn away from him, back to the kids that had now reached you, but a strong hand took hold of your upper arms, keeping you in place.

“Why don’t we go for a drink together, catch up a little, celebrate the good old times?”

You clenched your jaw for a second before you answered.

“What good times? Anyway, I already got plans.”

“Oh come on, you’re not gonna let an old friend hanging, are you,” he tried to convince you, his fingers gripping tighter around your arm as you tried to pull away from him.

“We were never friends,” you growled, “you made sure I always knew that. And just for the record, there are no ‘good old times’. You were a manipulative asshole back then, and you still seem to be.”

John was about to answer, when suddenly the door swung open, and Dallon appeared on the parking lot.

“Problems,” he asked with raised eyebrows, glancing down at your arm that was still in John’s tight grip.

“Just a small misunderstanding,” you hissed, finally managing to pull away from your old classmate.

“Not a misunderstanding, you are just as stubborn as always,” John answered, putting on what was supposed to be a comforting smile, but it just sent shivers down your spine. “Hey mate, why don’t you put in a good word for me, tell our little (y/n) here that it’s just a drink between friends?”

Dallon did not even look at you, he just stared at John with such venom in his eyes that you would not have been surprised if John dropped dead on the spot.

“They got plans,” Dallon answered, his voice calm, but since you knew him very well by now, you heard the threat that was lying underneath.

He placed his hand on your shoulder, and pulled you to his side, a motion you followed happily. All you wanted to do was hide behind Dallon, and let him deal with this idiot, but once you were by his side, he wrapped his arm around your waist, and pulled you close against his body. You quickly put your arm around his waist as well, glad that the bad lighting was hiding the blush that once again rose into your cheeks. You noticed how the five kids were following the exchange with wide eyes.

“What plans,” John challenged.

You groaned and somehow felt like you wanted to burst into tears. Why did this idiot have to turn up at that one show you had loved the most so far, and ruin everything? Why did he have to turn up and remind you off all the awful stuff you had gone through in school, because you were too blindly in  love to stand up for yourself.

“Does that matter,” Dallon sighed.

“Well, I know you’re still totally into me,” John grinned at you, once more making you shiver uncomfortably. Dallon gently stroked your side, trying to make you feel better.

“I was. Not anymore though,” you corrected, glad that your voice was sounding strong and confident, nothing like you felt all of a sudden.

“But there was a reason you were, and I am still the same person, so why don’t you give it a try?”

“’cause I’m not the same person anymore,” you spit, your rage finally taking over. “I was sixteen, seventeen, maybe. Now I’m twenty-five. I grew up, and I’ve gotten long over you, and I definitely don’t need a toxic, manipulative, arrogant, self-centered asshole like you in my life.”

“You just can’t admit that you still love me, but that’s okay,” John smiled as if he was being kind to you.

Before you even had the chance to reply, Dallon spoke up.

“They aren’t. I would know. I’d know if their heart would beat for someone else but me, and it doesn’t. And even if it did, I would make sure it beats for someone who loves them as much as they love this person. But, and now I want you to listen carefully,” Dallon had lowered his voice to a whisper, “the only person in the world who loves (y/n) this much is me. And that makes me the only person who might have the chance at one day calling them ‘mine’, understood?”

Again, for the third time this night, shivers ran down your spine, but this time it was the good kind. No matter if Dallon meant the words he had just spoken or not, to you it meant the world that he had said these things, and again you wanted to burst into tears, but this time out of happiness and thankfulness.

“Everything alright?”

The deep voice of a man who had walked through the door behind you ended what surely would have ended in a fight.

The bright neon yellow vest immediately identified the man as one of the security personal.

“Would you mind helping this gentleman to find his way off the property, Sir,” Dallon immediately asked, “and please make sure he doesn’t bother us again.”

“Of course, Sir,” the security guard nodded. “Come on.”

He grabbed David rather harshly at the back of his jacked and led him away.

“Thank you,” Dallon told the guard, before turning to you. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. “Yeah, now I am. Thank you.”

Dallon did not answer; he just wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a tight hug, kissing your hair. You pressed your nose against the soft fabric of his shirt, and deeply inhaled the familiar and calming scent.

When he pulled away, he sent you a quick smile, and turned around to the fans who had witnessed everything.

Dallon and you spent the next minutes signing photographs, and taking selfies with the five kids. Since you had nowhere to be, you took the time to make sure everyone had at least one picture that was not blurred from the bad lighting. You could see in their eyes that they had questions, especially since it was well known that neither you nor Dallon were in a relationship, but they did not ask, and you decided not to mention it.

Once the five said their goodbyes and were on their way across the parking lot, Dallon and you turned to walk towards the bus, finally alone.

“I meant what I said, you now,” Dallon mumbled.

You looked up at him and raised your eyebrows questioningly, not sure what he was referring to,

“You do deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them.”

A smile tugged at your lips.

“Thank you, but so do you, you know,” you answered, gently bumping Dallon’s shoulder with yours.

“Yeah, yeah, maybe I do,” he laughed, but then he grew quiet, “But the only person I really want is you.”

You stopped in your tracks and stared at him wide eyed. Dallon stopped too, turning around with an expression that made obvious he had not planned on saying this out loud.

“In that case, I guess we’re both lucky,” you whispered.

Before Dallon even had time to comprehend what your words meant, you had grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into a kiss, which he, as quickly as his surprised mind allowed him, returned eagerly.

When you pulled away from Dallon’s soft lips, your face was burning up, and you were sure Dallon felt your heart racing in your chest. He grinned happily, and wrapped his arm around your waist, just like he had done earlier and together you walked back to the bus.

Let’s say it came as a mild surprise for Ryan, your band mates, and the rest of the crew, when you all sat in the bar you had led them to, and neither Dallon nor you could keep your eyes fingers off of each other.

[allyourkayfabefriends]

Top 10 Albums of 2018

It’s that time of year again! Before I go dance the night away and ring in the new year with Japanese Breakfast, let’s count down my top 10 albums of 2018!

Honorable Mentions: Camp Cope - How to Socialise & Make Friends Vundabar - Smell Smoke Swearin’ - Fall Into the Sun Bad Moves - Tell No One Deafheaven - Ordinary Corrupt Human Love Alien Boy - Sleeping Lessons Most of these records I did enjoy quite a bit, I just didn’t listen to them enough for them to make the cut.

10. Hop Along - Bark Your Head Off, Dog

Hop Along has long been one of those bands I really enjoy, but don’t exactly click all the way, it’s a work-in-progress. Some of their songs that have become my favorites require multiple listens, their new record was no different. It actually took me til this month when I revisited it for the whole work to really click, How Simple is definitely one of my favorite songs of the year, but the rest of the album is extremely inventive, fun and immersive, and it definitely rewards multiple listens.

9. Sidney Gish - No Dogs Allowed

I discovered Sidney’s music by way of the fact she was opening for Mitski on a string of shows before Mitski’s new record came out. Sidney’s songs are so fun, clever and incredibly catchy. Her lyricism and completely do-it-yourself ethos is what makes this record so much fun to come back to, as well as watching her live create the songs before my very eyes with her loop pedal. Really excited to see what she does next year!

8. Joyce Manor - Million Dollars to Kill Me

People love to gripe about how Joyce Manor isn’t a punk band anymore, but honestly, I’m perfectly fine with that, since their last record, Cody, has crept up to be one of my favorites by them. Also, they kinda never really were a punk band. Barry Johnson’s songwriting has always seemed to favor hooks and sweet melodies over anything else, and it’s super apparent here. When the band first released the title track, it seemed incredibly apparent that Barry’s quest for blending hard punkish guitars with sweet Morrissey-esque melody and singing had finally blended into one, making this album one of the most fun records of the year.

7. Mitski - Be the Cowboy

If you know me at all, you know my incredible love for Mitski. The way she balances raw emotion in her lyrics blended with her undeniable knack for great pop music really comes to a head in this new record. With 14 tracks, Mitski tries her hand at different styles and genres, but always feeling comfortable and confident in these new digs. The style hopping made this record a bit hard to approach at first, but digging into songs like “Why Didn’t You Stop Me?” and “Washing Machine Heart” makes me remember Mitski’s daring is why I love her art so much in the first place.

6. Long Neck - Will This Do?

I might be biased because I made these guys pancakes, but Long Neck are one of, if not the best, and hardest-working, bands in America. This record grew on me slowly, but soon enough each track hit harder and harder in its own way. Lily is a fantastic lyricist, and her voice is transcendent. Getting to meet the band and working on booking them to play at my school was a dream come true, and help this record spring to life more for me. I can’t sing this record’s praises enough, just go listen to it!!

5. Lucy Dacus - Historian

After a little hesitation, I finally listened to “Night Shift”, the song which ended up being the first song on this record, Lucy Dacus’ second. I can still remember when the distorted electric guitars hit and Dacus croons over this relationship falling apart around her. Dacus continues the record addressing concerns over relationships with lovers, friends, and family, with an amazing sense of poise and grace. Her songs tell a story, and she allows them to breathe and unfold in their own unique way, and each re-listen is incredibly rewarding.

4. Jeff Rosenstock - POST-

I remember waking up groggy and somewhat hungover New Year’s Day to discover that Jeff Rosenstock had surprised-released a new album, as well as sign to indie label Polyvinyl, I thought I was hallucinating, or the world was pulling a trick on me. Jeff has become one of my favorite artists for the way his lyrics approach and address the struggles of everyday life in such unique ways. POST- gets right to the heart of our post-election world, that feeling of being exhausted, fatigued, of wanting to give up, but knowing you should keep fighting. A lot of people see this as an alright follow-up to his breakthrough record, WORRY., but POST- is an album that speaks directly to the moment at hand, a point I think that was helped delivered by its surprise release.

3. Retirement Party - Somewhat Literate

This record is definitely one of the most, if not the most, fun record I heard this year. Its gigantic riffs and killer production made this whole album so much fun to keep coming back to. The whole band sounds tight and like they’re having a great time playing as much as you are listening. Sometimes all you really need is to have a little fun, and Retirement Party definitely deliver.

2. Antarctigo Vespucci - Love in the Time of E-Mail

I love pop music, I also love music that makes me feel something. This record does both at the same time, and then some. Chris Farren and Jeff Rosenstock’s collaborative project is back in full-force, and the blending of perfect pop songs with Jeff’s punk and DIY edge make this album literally addicting. It’s so easy to pop this album on and just listen to the whole thing, and at least 3 songs will be stuck in your head by the end of the day. This album talks about love and the insecurities that arise even when in a relationship, something that’s an undeniable fact of life, and it’s handled so well here. 

1. Car Seat Headrest - Twin Fantasy

Wow, what a surprise, right? Anyways, if you’ve ever listened to the original Twin Fantasy, released in 2011, the urgency in Will Toledo’s songwriting and vocal delivery is apparent, these are stories he needs to tell right now. With this re-recording, with some slight alterations, Will tells this story again, but with the knowledge and wisdom he’s gained in the 7 years since the original’s release. With the power of hindsight, Will is able to craft a beautifully remastered work that only enhances the listener’s experience. The songs on this record have become so important to me in terms of helping discover and understand my identity, and hearing these re-vamped versions of these songs sounds like everything coming full circle. I’m so excited for brand new music from the band, but I’m glad Will, Andrew, Seth and Ethan took the time to breathe new life into this essential piece of art. Thanks for reading, here’s to a better 2019.

[kyunsies]

Hi mädch!!! I'm sending this after you said goodnight haha, but I'm glad you got to sleep early today :) you deserve a good night's rest!!!

I will definitely send you pictures of our plants soon so be on the look out for that 👀👀

About being a musician, I do have a degree in music and I studied for four and a half difficult terrible years to get it 🥲 but it was good, truthfully. It was difficult simply because college is hard. Listening to musical elements in mx or Mozart or soundtracks or t swift or literally any song isn't any harder or easier than another. Just different! Different layerings, sections, sounds, timbres, etc. It's very satisfying to be able to pick out sounds and point them out to my sister and maybe explain them a little bit! And I'll check out those shinee react video suggestions, I already know don't call me, so it'll be fun to watch that one!

I think it's really interesting that I've heard mx refer to All About Luv as a "US album" rather than an "English album". It might not mean anything, but more countries than just the US speak English, y'know? So it feels.. intentional? Anyway I will spare you from the extensive (and I mean super extensive) length of thoughts I'm having about their English songs vs Korean and just say a little bit skdjsh

From a musical stand point, Secrets (English song on a Korean album) is objectively just as or more simple than Middle of the Night (English song on the English album) or Sorry I'm Not Sorry (Korean song on a Korean album). Middle of the Night has lovely vocal harmonies and is very active rhythmically and has a lot of different textures. Secrets is just three chords, with a simple melody (a wonderful lovely simple melody), and a decent amount of clear layers with an acoustic feel with drums/guitar/bass/synths/sax/backing vocal ad libs, all of which are pretty active voices. Whereas Sorry I'm Not Sorry is so smooth and has such a chill vibe, with significantly less layers than Secrets (though just as clear) - it's just guitar and vocals at the beginning, and then some very simple drums and bass layer in, and a little bit of keys too (with some sweeet vocal harmonies in the second half that will melt my heart every time!!), but it's all very gentle. And then BEASTMODE (to stay on Fatal Love) has a much heavier feel (ALSO with some sweet harmonies in the opening "ohs" which are so so strong, and won't melt hearts in the same way the harmonies in Sorry I'm Not Sorry do), as well as stylistically different sections with a lot of different musical elements! Sorry I'm Not Sorry is just like.. one style the whole time, which they do beautifully!!! So like, there's already so much variety within albums, and within their entire discography! It makes being a monbebe so... rewarding and satisfying. Like, it feels like there's something here for everyone.

If you got through all that you deserve an award, it's a lot hsksjslsk I could go on and on and on about music, but I'll stop here for now haha. I'm considering doing a series of posts on my blog where I talk about music, but I'm a little nervous to go through with it 😅😅 my sister thinks it'd be awesome, but I'm not super confident to put myself out there like that hehe... we'll see...

Anyway long message!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I haven't told you lately, but talking to you is so so so nice 💖💖 I don't feel any pressure to say things or not say things, I can just.. chat freely! I feel so warm and loved when I read your replies 🥰🥰🥰 thank you for being such a wonderful sweet lovely amazing nice friendly superstar of a person 💖💖💖💖 dkbtho

HI PLS APOLOGIZE I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS LKFDSJ but i'm finally getting to it, thank u for being patent with me <3 i've been getting good sleep ever since finishing those exams and getting back a good grade on that massive assignment yesterday so THANK U for checking in :)

about your education !!!! it just seems so hard ;____; like obviously when u are in a specific field for so long, the terminology makes sense bc you use it all the time (like how now one really knows what i'm talking about when i use medical terms lol) so i guess just from and outside perspective it looks hard !!! plus we were taught how to learn the basics of music reading in high school bc i was in choir for 1 semester and i was sooooo bad at it, it never really clicked for me ;_____; but i really look up to you for dedicating your livelihood for something you love !!! you seem to be very knowledgeable <3

and i know what you mean about them referring to all of their english stuff to 'US' stuff and i can understand how frustrating that might be bc there are many countries that speak english as well, not just the US ,,,,,,,,, to me it might just be bc their whole "english team" is from the US and everyone who works on their stuff is from the US, also i think the record label is from the US ? so maybe they're just so used to referring it that way bc those are the ppl they work with ya know? but i totally understand how isolating that must feel for a lot of other ppl, i can't really talk that much on it since i'm from the US myself lol but i totally get it and i think it's very valid if it irks some ppl !!!!

and ldskfjslkdjf i loved reading all of this <3 and i really agree with everything you say !!! and i'm glad u are able to pick apart the different styles for each song, for example i also think secrets is one of the more "simpler" songs on the album (not as simple as BEBE) but like, it works for me bc the sax has a nice improv at the end, and the song is pretty synth-y(?) which are elements that i like to a song lol ; you should really dig into mx's older discography tho!!!!! and although i love love love mx's new music (i think fatal love is one of their best albums) there is something that can be said about the timelessness of mx's older discography too <3 i know i've said this to you before, but one of my fav mx songs of all time is blue moon (composed by joo hehe) and like, ,,,,,,,,, i just still cannot believe that was on a DEBUT album ?????? the way it's layered and just the lofi vibes sound so sophisticated and honestly ahead of its time, and i'm not sure how much you've dove into mx already, but i would love to hear your thoughts on their previous music too <3 !!!!!!!

also you should def make that series on ur blog!!!!! i think it'll be nice for u to reflect on but also be a resource for ppl too <3 i think it's a great idea !!!!!! also , thank u so much for taking the time out of YOUR busy day to talk to me <3 it's been so lovely just chatting and im SUPER glad u feel comfortable enough to come here and spend some time with me bc it really means a lot <3 thank you !!!! and i hope u have had a great day today okay?? take care <3

[samtheflamingomain]

one week down

I went into inpatient rehab last Monday and figured now would be a good time to give an update. I have a lot to say, but I know not everyone cares deeply about every minute detail, so I'll do a quick highlight reel for those mildly interested.

There's 5 of us, 3 men, 2 women. I'm the youngest by 7 years, and the only one here for just alcohol and weed. We have 6h of mandatory classes/groups every day except weekends when it's 1.5h. The classes are pretty boring and mostly stuff I learned from entry-level CBT/DBT with a few hidden gems of wisdom here and there.

We wake up at 8, DIY breakfast, class for 2.5h, lunch, 1.5h class, break, 1h class, dinner, an optional walk around the block, another 1h class, then bedtime meds and last smoke break at 10pm. No mandatory lights out time but I'm usually exhausted and out by 10:30.

The food sucks, but I'm trying to lose weight so I'm glad it does. I've already lost 6 pounds. On the other hand, I can't remember the last time I ate 2 meals with vegetables for a week straight. I'm smoking 3 times as much as I ever have, because everyone else is a "pack-a-day" smoker and it's been great to take away cravings and also socialize.

I really like the people in the group, and there are 2 staff members who are very well-liked because they're great, 2 that are okay, 2 that are serious hard-asses, and one who's just an outright asshole piece of shit with no business being in the healthcare field.

I'm in a weird kind of mindset where I go back and forth between "I never need to drink again" and "I can probably get drunk once or twice a month, the others here are much worse off than me, so comparatively, my addictions aren't such a big deal". I know that neither of these mindsets are truly healthy. The first because I know there will be days where I will want to drink and I need to plan for that, and the second because I simply cannot do moderation, and my life and problems aren't diminished by the existence of others' problems.

As for poppers, the other thing I'm quitting, I know I can never do them again. Poppers are all-or-nothing. It's impossible to moderate them because I would just do them all day every day, and the few times I've tried to quit them myself, by day 3 I'm digging through garbage to make a DIY bong. Quitting alcohol makes me restless, which I can manage. Quitting poppers makes me so depressed that I get suicidal.

Sorry, that was the "short" version but it got away from me. Now for a bit more detail.

I had to be 5 days sober of alcohol to come in, so it's been nearly 2 full weeks since my last drink, and exactly 2 weeks since the last time I got drunk. I still fantasize about getting sloshed again, but the rational part of my brain is slowly coming back and overriding those thoughts. I haven't had a severe craving to the point where I want to quit or even to the point where I've been super restless, largely because they keep us busy.

Poppers however... on day 2 I was having a fucking breakdown. On the floor sobbing. I went out for a smoke and one of the girls, call her Lisa, was out. I told her how bad I wanted to rip a popper and she said this: "What if you sucked really hard on the cigarette, held it in, then exhaled?" And it fucking worked. Instant headrush. Only about 20% as good as a real popper, but enough that I instantly felt better. Homegirl is a life-saver; I never would've even thought of that because I'd never imagined it would work. Part of doing a popper is smoking a piece of unfiltered cigarette very quickly, so I assumed smoking through a filter wouldn't get the job done.

I miss my kitty, but I'm not homesick like everyone else. They all have kids and 3 are in long-term relationships. 2 are likely going to prison for shit they did while fucked up on opioids and want to show the court that they're working to better themselves and get clean. They have reasons to quit. I... I feel like I really don't.

Yeah, my health has been slowly deteriorating for the past 4-5 years, and I've been very overweight for the past 2-3 years (beer belly), and I spend more money on alcohol than I'd like to admit, but what I spend in a year, Lisa spends on heroin in a weekend. To make things harder for myself, I literally have not had a hangover in 2+ years. I could drink a 26er in 4 hours and wake up absolutely fine.

But I know that my way of life, getting blackout drunk 7 days a week, isn't sustainable. I know that some alcoholics do that for 50+ years, but I'm still pretty young, and I don't want to wake up at age 40 realizing I've pissed away 1/3rd of my life just being drunk.

I guess, when I really boil it down, I want to go back to who I was before I started drinking. I had so much potential to do great things when I graduated high school, and since then it's been a steady decline in my productivity and motivation.

Something that's surprised me about being here is that I've gotten more shit done in the past week than I do most MONTHS. There's a piano that I play for an hour a day, which I haven't done since I was a teenager. There's a treadmill I've used a few times. There's enough down-time for me to work on some embroidery and drawing, but most importantly, I started writing again.

I "finished" my first novel 8 years ago, and I've been trying to rewrite it in its entirety ever since. Draft One was 150,000 words, and Rewrite has been stuck at 25k for almost 2 years now. After a week, it's up to 35k.

And I think I have to attribute this to my lack of drinking. I never realized just how much it affected my motivation before. I used to open the document, force myself to crunch out a paragraph or two and then put it back on the shelf for a few months.

Now, I'm not forcing anything. It's coming to me. I'm inspired. I'm confident. I'm excited.

I've been feeling like I'd lost my spark, my drive to create things, for years now. And it's only been 2 weeks sober and I'm getting that spark back. I guess I do have a reason to quit: I'm not going to accomplish anything, or at least not anything I'm excited about, if I go back to drinking.

Another thing I've noticed is that I'm much more process-oriented. The task of writing always seemed too daunting and stressful because I just want the fucker to be done already. Now, I'm truly enjoying just getting through a scene or chapter. Even just a clever turn of phrase releases the Happy Chemical for me now.

To wrap up this absolute saga of epic length, I want to talk about the people a bit more. It's pretty rare that I get put into a group of people and I genuinely like all of them and none of them annoy me. The last time I was in a classroom with others, we were literally "learning" to identify parts of sentences and doing absolute beginner-level word processing. It was agonizing, because every single person in that class was a fucking idiot and would ask the stupidest questions, take forever to read a paragraph aloud while mispronouncing very common words. I'm not being a know-it-all dick, either. It's objectively true. How do I know? Out of 25, only me and one other person passed the course despite them all attending class regularly.

All that to say, these people are genuinely smart and likeable. John is an absolute encyclopedia on guitars, machinery, cars, and has done pretty much every skilled trade under the sun. He's also had a lot of interesting life experiences. Rick is a yoga guru who brought 12 books ranging from Zen Buddhism to abstract physics, and while I don't believe in 'chakras' and 'healing energies', he doesn't annoy me because he really only talks about it in relation to himself and how it's helped him, which I can respect. Christy is a PSW, and I mention that because she has a way of phrasing things in a wise, educated way, because that's how PSWs get good: they learn to communicate very well. She actually native and lives on a reserve, so she always has something interesting to talk about. Lisa is so well-traveled that when I mentioned I could name all the capitals, she pulled out fucking Tajikistan. She'd never been there. She's also South African and lived during apartheid, and is much more knowledgeable on the subject than myself, and I consider myself pretty well-read on it.

There's no stupid questions that take up half the class to answer, nobody takes 15 minutes to read a paragraph, and everyone is truly putting in the work.

I'm still nervous about coming back home, but my worries get less and less daunting with each passing day.

One week down, 2 more to go. Back at 'er at 9am tomorrow, rain or shine.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.

[rqs902]

.

ah hyt’s issues with being too passive and not wanting to speak up about problems bc he’s worried about hurting other people’s feelings reminds me of what happened to jin fan on snzm this week :\ except hyt had to figure it out on his own bc no one else noticed and he didnt say anything about it to anyone. jin fan was urged to speak up but hyt had to mull it over in his head and stress over it until he could come to the decision that he needed to do something to help his team.

i respect that he came to that decision on his own and acted on it. as someone who’s relatively passive and conflict-avoidant myself, i think that takes a lot of resolve and courage. 

aw im happy xiao li got to sing too bc i really like his voice. what a talented boy! i think hyt is lucky the two of them give off the kind/gentle vibes so that he can pull them together. i dont know much about him, but i wonder if gem is right that hes had bad experiences with communicating with teammates (and aligning their hearts, as he said) before that’s led him to be more scared to be honest now. the 2 kids are like optimistic but you can tell hyt is so worried with their score ouch. 

wu xing’s voice is nice. im a wind player but with my limited knowledge of string instruments I feel like pengpeng’s playing is okay but not amazing. fsc’s bass is questionably out of tune?? or is it just me? something feels weird about his bass playing, it sounds kinda scratchy and sticks out to me too much, in like a weird way :\ but maybe its just because im used to hearing bass in classical music and not like this

LOL qiang ge being the buffer between jym and zk, are you sure youre gonna be okay child? the more i see qiang ge, the more smol he seems to me, like a cute child, who just happens to play the most blaring instrument LOL he seems very insecure about belonging on this show. he didnt want people to choose him unless they were absolutely sure in the first round, and then in the second round, he was so scared of ruining the next group that chose him and so grateful that they were willing to choose him and that they gave him so much encouragement to join their group. the fact that he needed that much encouragement and still felt undeserving is telling. the matching photo tshirts he custom ordered are cute! what a nice friend, to spend money on this to make everyone a little happier. i think its mature of him to encourage jym by saying he should think of the worst possible happening and try to accept it, to lessen his pressure. its still weird for me to realize people call zzn “nan ge” because he just seems so young in my mind lol but then you realize there are even younger kids on this show.

zhao ke’s rap was pretty good, i respect it. with that score i bet qiang ge’s gonna feel like it’s all his fault. i wonder if he blames himself or the instrument more for the fact that he was criticized for being too unvaried, but i feel like either of those is bad bc i feel like he should be proud of his instrument. 

aw maomao’s message and ljt’s response hahahhaha 

LOL ljt playing “who” and cutting it off abruptly. gao xin tai LOL 

ljt’s group’s perf def felt more complete. his voice is so nice, i still love it. i will say, i remember zhao tianyu sang this song on mrzz. i wonder if ljt remembers that too. 

hmm i really liked kxy’s singing voice, i thought it was really good, nicer than mz’s LOL but honestly i feel like i also understand from the teacher’s point of view, that he wasted their time and just didnt take their advice when they were trying to help him. hmm he seems likes hes very stubborn in doing what he believes, which isnt bad, he’s standing up for what he wants, but also then he immediately started crying when questioned about it. which makes me think hes not very confident in his choice and/or feels victimized/attacked for just doing what he wants. either way, kxy has shown he cries very easily lol. but i have mixed feelings about whether he’s handling criticism well. im not sure how old he is but he seems young 

LOL muji and swh just being like DELETE to wjy and being like straight up “it sounds bad” HAH im glad at least having two of them on the same page can put wjy in his place more LOL 

during the perf was muji holding the pick in his mouth? lol muji is such a 寶藏 with the bass guitar along with all his unique talents. this was a pretty epic perf, i thought theyd get a better score than that.

hm interesting that the uptown funk people told them tencent they needed to pay them more and tencent DIDNT, but they were still nice enough to approve their use of the song anyway bc of their “sincere” messages. wtf tencent. im pretty sure they have money to pay them more lol.

i kinda think yrz still seems a bit stiff to me onstage, like look at xiao zhi, hes literally so comfortable and free and hes so enjoying playing his bass guitar hes like having so much fun and is super into the music. at first i wasnt sure how well him and zy would mesh but wow hes really owned up to the avocado name LOL i feel like him and zy are really really caring older bros to yrz and hopefully yrz is super grateful bc he got super lucky. 

LOL TYLER FREAKING OUT OVER YRZ’S SMILE 

“NA GE XIAO RONG!!!!” 

HAHAHHAHAHAH 

i think it does say a lot that this perf got everyone like on their feet and grooving along, i see why they ranked 1st! 

kinda sad wsh was like yea no ones gonna notice us and then tencent proceeds to give them 5 seconds of practice room footage and the mentors are all shocked by the lowness of their score

hm :\ i kinda wanted to hear more about how they resolved the conflict between rainbow feeling too restricted by da xi’s more methodical approach to music. i think thats an interesting discussion, because i think both sides have their merits, so what kind of blend of a compromise will they come up with? and it does say a lot about their personalities. rainbow also feels similarly hesitant to reveal his feelings because of his friendship with da xi, which reminds me of hyt yet again but then this group got 5 seconds of footage in comparison so we dont really know how any of this got resolved. also how do they deal with mty sleeping and disappearing all the time?? i do think its kind of cute how mty seems to bend down and really direct his speaking towards the audience when talking to them. i really like their performance, this music style and fun-ness!

LOL the way ruiyang and yingge look at tyler is literally with such adoration wtf hahahahahaa and tyler buying them the bunny hats wtf this is so cute. feels very parental LOL theyre so supportive of him and helping him shine and tyler’s just like a child bringing them happiness LOL i think its notable that yingge says he feels like theyre all using their strengths in this perf bc thats #goals 

why do i feel like tyler and ruiyang ave absorbed yingge’s fashion LOL

THIS AESTHETIC 

i think u can tell like they (yingge?) put a lot of effort into communicating with the production team about their stage design. its not just about the music for them. lol this perf is shot like a music videoooo

ok im hesitant to comment on tyler’s trumpet playing bc it’s not very clean sounding to me, but you can tell hes putting a lot of effort into the small details still. and if hes been practicing a ton, i know it can be painful to try to play into that kind of mouthpiece cleanly with tired lips. he has yet to amaze me but it seems like he’s working hard so i respect that. hes also very lucky to be in a group with two supportive geges. like ps said, i think it is notable that ruiyang is doing so well in a genre of music he wasnt previously into. and yingge’s personality must be some kind of strong to really influence the other 2 so much 

aw tyler crying out of happiness and ruiyang just bursting out laughing and pats tyler’s head with a “早講嗎!" bc he was worried about tyler being sad hahahahaha he just sounded so taiwanese there it made me happy. aw tyler must be really well loved by all the geges who crowd him with hugs when they see him crying like xiao zhi ahahah

oof samhar being brought to tears when gem notes how hard he worked on the composition. (oo xiao zhi helped him! - that’s it, im curious how old he is, so i went to his weibo and he’s just a little older than me! born in 95. but then i saw he and zy have made some conflict-confronting posts today and im like .-. what happened? not sure whats up, but it seems like theyre generally okay, fans seem mad tho) 

actually tbh totally makes sense to me why xiao zhi, rainbow, and yingge’s groups are the top 3 in that order, like their stages were really good and memorable. 

ouch qiang ge feeling all the guilt and like he doesn’t have the skills to do better :( why is the show ok with jym acting this way? why is there a lack of communication that leads him to not understand what’s going on with the votes? they chase after him, he’s moping, they just film him and are barely encouraging enough to get him to come back at the very last minute. im sure he’s very frustrated but its also unprofessional and disrespectful of him to leave like that. how does that make his group mates feel that hes just gone? this is all very questionable to me. 

wait i havent been keeping up with their current rankings but wtf the kids who are like super worried are like ranked super high??? like im assuming they’ll be fine?? like jym and hyt’s group members are all relatively high... (I realize now why hyt got so much screentime LOL hes #1....) im surprised tyler is so low and i wonder if he’ll get more popular after this ep lol 

anyyywayyy so it looks like they’re having a party and elims next week so im sure thatll be an emotional roller coaster... and snzm is having elims next week too so thats just great... double the disaster 

[tumblunni]

Ah, here’s the pillowsnake! It’s called Rashab, I totally forgot!

beware, like 40 paragraphs of long rambling about the game below:

I never realized how the naming schemes actually work. All the different variants of a particular genus share a name ending- Nushab is the weird 8 shaped long neck snake, Rashab is the super rectangular chubby one, and Mukshab is the sticklike one that just looks like a real snake but with the trademark weird head that this monster has. And then the sub-breeds of each sub-breed have a totally different naming scheme! Only the main Rashab is Rashab, the other three elementals are all something-moaj instead. And Nushabs are something-oots, and Mukshabs are something-mines. Its an interesting way to do it, though it’s pretty hard to actually figure any of it out ingame when all the pure sub-breed forms only appear as enemies and you’re gonna be fusing your own variations for your party. I think pretty much anything fuses well with the snakes, they look awesome with any texture! And when they fuse with bugs they can actually gain lil wings and look like Dunsparce!

OH OH OH and ALSO I love how monsters in this game actually grow up! Like, they dont evolve, they just grow up like actual animals! They have very very subtle model changes in size for the first 20 or 30 levels, to symbolise reaching maturity. Its hard to even notice it happening unless you compare save files! And often you’ll be fusing monsters rather than keeping them in your party for a long time anyway. So I’m glad that the Shabs have some of the more noticeable changes! Their baby selves start off looking a lot more similar, and they only gain their giant variation in body shapes when they’ve matured. (Though you can still tell what one its gonna become)

OH AND ALSO ALSO The shabs look even cuter in the concept art, yo!!! Ingame it maybe loses a bit of the appeal cos of the low resolution and how everything is textures rather than model detail. (A necessity considering how the fusion system works, yknow?) On the concept art their faces look less like an eyeless snake with dot patterns, and more like a snake with eight buglike eyes. ITS REALLY CUTE!! Thats why I said they look like leeches! Cos they have the super light coloured undersides and the three-pronged jaw and the bug eyes! They’re scaly big leeches! they’re leechly small snakes! THEYRE THE BEST OF MY TWO FAVOURITE LONG ANIMALS!!!!

OH AND its good worldbuilding but I’M SAD The shabs The shabs get the honor of being in the worldbuilding in A SAD WAY The basic MP restoration item is called a Shab Liquer :( Yeah, its nice to know that they thought about how these magical monsters might be a part of everyday life even outside of a battle setting. But its sad to think about how they’re killed and used in medicine! And you have to use hundreds of this medicine, there’s no way to survive without MP restores! I DONT WANNA MAKE MY SNAKE FRIEND A CANNIBAL Tho I do appreciate how the name Shab Liquer just implies a lot of worldbuilding on its own. Like, you don’t just know that they make a medicine from the snakes, its implied its quite literally a snake oil. Like, does that mean snake oil is an idiom for a totally reliable and true thing in this universe? And Liquer is just a rather archaic and fancy way to phrase it, it fits very well with the setting! But seriously WHY DO I HAVE TO FEED MY SNAKE BABY DEAD SNAKE BABIES TO KEEP THEM ALIVE

OH OH OH AND that reminds me of another Fucked Up aspect of the worldbuilding! Your most reliable way of gaining money in this game is selling the monsters you catch. Which is dumb and impractical anyway cos I mean YOU WANNA FUSE THEM ALL!! And you get more money from selling your ones that you actually already fused and levelled up, like NO WAY am I doing that! I love them!! Even if I’m not using them, I’m just gonna keep them at home with Mahbu! NO MAKE ME SELL MY SNEKS But the REALLY FUCKED UP PART is that its explicitely said that by selling them you are killing the monsters.

...Okay so.. this kinda needs some explanation of more of the worldbuilding first...

The way you catch monsters in this game is by using magical cocoons, hence the name of the story. Monsters are meant to be like spiritual creatures, they’re called Minions cos they’re literally the minions of this setting’s deity, Elrihm. The religion of this culture states that humanity (or ‘The Beasts Of Knowledge’) committed a great sin in the past. We were god’s attempt to grant free will and intelligence to animals, but we used it to do evil and he decided the whole species was beyond saving because of the actions of a few. So he created these monsters/demons/avenging angels in snake form, and their mission in life is to destroy all of humanity so that the world can be reset. Which is why minions attack humans on sight, yet coexist perfectly peacefully with animals and plants in the forest. So like... humanity obviously Did Not Want to all die for the sins of one or two dumb kings, yknow? We stubbornly persist! We hold out our vanguard and keep our little towns amidst the Doom Forests, living life as normal with just the Doom Forests being a thing in the background, yeah. Defending against occasional attacks of minions banding together into swarms and chewing on the walls a little, but yeah, no biggie. And sometimes one of them manages to get in and eat some of our garbage or something. People live normally in these fortified wall villages, and the religion still worships Elrihm, and revolves around begging his forgiveness and trying to prove that humanity deserves to live. And never advancing too far with industrialism. lest we be punished again! And I mean, maybe that actually IS how everything happened, or maybe its just a story and Minions have always existed as a natural part of the ecosystem and they’re not evil things destined to destroy us or whatever. Its ambiguous! Even when you get to see Elrihm’s avatar at the end of the game, it’s just a big magical tree that the monsters come from, you never get any idea if it’s sentient and you’re not able to ask it if our legends have the right idea about it’s role as god. (Or if its gender is actually male, or if it even has one XD)

Anyway, that’s the legend of where the monsters come from, and it kinda explains why people might be a bit callous towards them, if they can be tamed as cute friends but also the wild ones are such a big threat to civilization. And if mythology says their threat to civilization is the natural order of existance, that they exist to kill us under orders of a god who abandoned us centuries ago... But yeah! Anyway! There’s a bloodline of magical people called the Nagi who have the power to purify the anger out of minions and make them friends. And the game has a cool way of keeping the usual mons show aspect of ‘catch a monster inside a certain item that has a limited amount of uses’, while making it fit with this ancient times mythological setting! Instead of the pokeball equivelant being some sort of manmade machine, it’s... cocoons! Since Minions are spiritual creatures, they can be like.. de-manifested and have their souls stored, to be re-summoned later. And for whatever reason, the way the magic works is that their souls have to be contained in cocoons. It’s... actually never fully explained? Where do the cocoons come from? Is it like you take any cocoon from a regular bug, and you seal the monster soul inside? But how would you even get an EMPTY cocoon? Is there a special bug in this universe that makes cocoons not for metamorphosis? or do you like.. fuse the soul with the bug inside the cocoon, and thats why all the monsters in this game are inspired by bugs? But they have the same bug-inspired designs even when you find them in the wild before catching them. So is it like the Nagi magic can create magical cocoons and you use those? or is it like you dont actually carry the empty cocoons, you carry something or other that turns into cocoons when a monster is sealed inside it? the catching animation is very vague, the protagonist is only holding his magic flute and a nebulous white glow in his hand. Then the cocoon forms around the monster and its sucked into his hand... ANYWAY I’M GOING OFFTOPIC SORRY! The point is that Nagi people can purify minions into friends, fuse minions into new powerful forms and (probably?) create the magic cocoons that can catch them in the first place. But it doesn’t mean that Nagi people are actually equipped to fight and catch the monsters themselves! the usual setup is a married couple where the Nagi can stay at home and focus entirely on their magic, and the regular human partner learns warrior arts and catches the monsters for them. Also catching monsters requires magic music, so you need to be a damn good bard too! I liked that they even showed that different Cocoon Masters (official name for peeps like the protag) can use whatever instruments fit best with their soul. The protagonist has an ocarina and [important endgame character] has a fancy lute guitar thing? I wish the game had told me what those are called... I think a name for an ancient japanese string instrument is a shamisen but i have NO IDEA if the one shown ingame is actually that or there are more different ones..? I mean its only shown in cutscnes so there’s no good ref image for it- I’M GOING OFFTOPIC AGAIN Anywaaaaaayyyy, its also in the worldbuilding that (for some reason) Nagi men are unable to use magic, and thats why the mages are always the wives and the warriors are always the husbands. Its interesting how this mythology is kinda presented as an opposite of adam and eve, too! Men who try and use magic are sinful and will be punished for stepping out of their assigned roles by becoming demons. Its the sad story of the protagonist’s parents, alas! His mother was the previous Nagi priestess of the village, but her husband committed the ultimate sin and then all we know is that his corrupted self fled into the forest and was never seen again. And everyone marks you as a failure for what your father did, so becoming the new cocoon master is quite hard at first. And its SUPER DUPER SAD cos your dad did it because performing minion purification is painful for the Nagi, and he couldn’t bear to see his wife hurting herself for his sake. So even though he knew the risks, one day he just tried to purify his minions himself so she could get some rest. And.. like.. ultitmately it did work. Cos she could never bear to remarry, and thus the village didnt have another cocoon master until their son grew old enough to marry. At least he succeeded in letting his wife never have to do magic again, even if it was because she stopped doing it out of grief for him.. :(

ANYWAY Now i’ve explained that worldbuilding and why it is cool and awesome and sad, I can explain the worldbuilding of a random gameplay element and why it is also cool and sad! So yeah, like I said before LONG TANGEANTS... The only really reliable way to make money in the game is to sell your monsters. And it makes me feel SO BAD! Cos the game very much outright tells you that selling them is killing them. And I guess it makes sense cos I mean, only Nagi wife-husband pairs can actually summon the monsters, there’d be no point trying to sell living ones to anyone else. So, since minions are sealed inside cocoons, in order to sell them you spin their cocoons into silk thread. This village’s primary export is weaving, so you can sell these silk spools to the big ol building of spinning wheel people and make money to keep going on your journey. Apparantly silk infused with monster souls is higher quality and can grant various effects and stuff, hence its value. Its a shame they didnt make a crafting system with this! Instead its just a standard ‘more powerful weapons and armours appear at the shop as the plot advances, for no real reason’. I mean, wouldnt it have been cool if you could add your monsters’s particular resistances to your main character’s armour? i would feel less sad about betraying them so utterly if they could protect me from beyond the grave. BECAUSE SERIOUSLY THIS IS SO FUCKED UP Seriously! These monsters faithfully served you! You purified them of their anger against humans, and instead of taking that opportunity to love them and show them the good sides of humanity, you just kill them! You kill them after they gained free will! You specifically HAVE to give them free will in order to kill them! Poor babies... I mean seriously I know that animals have to die to provide humans with food and materials and stuff, this is just how society works. But there’s something so much more viscerally terrifying about imagining taking an animal and literally weaving its SOUL into thread, then wearing it! There’s so many metaphysical questions that need to be answered before you can even figure out how much pain they would experience! And like.. god.. even the way they do the gameplay is so.. even more sad. Like, you can’t just hand the monster to someone else and its implied that they kill them. You have to hit an actual button to turn it into a sellable item. You have to cull it yourself. The death blow is on your hands, even if someone else weaves its dead soul into a nice scarf... So yeah, I pretty much always deliberately play ‘hard mode’ on this game, and refuse to make any damn money. Well, I mean, you can still find items in forests and sell them, but its infinately harder that way. You really are supposed to be selling your monsters to progress. I SAY NO! Big ol giant interface option sitting there on the menu unused forever. I love my sneks. You will not take them!!!

Oh but MAN I do really like the moral ambiguity of this worldbuilding, aaaaa!! The whole setting is so.. like.. realistic. There’s the dark realities of life in an ancient times setting. They take care to establish how the society functions and what their main trading export is, and what role monsters play in a non-battley setting! And seriously even the lil Shab Liquer thing! The casual implication that other villages might have different industries with their captured monsters, and someone somewhere out there found a way to make this medicine out of snakes. it manages to imply a wider world even as you’re confined to this one single village and the long forest that divides it away from every other human settlement. Plus.. like.. I really like the ambiguity it gives to HUMANITY. That seems like the MOST realistic of anything! Seriously, the game starts off establishing that in mythology humans are said to be evil, that the creation myth says we’re living in a post-fall society as the corrupted form of what true humanity should actually be, that god has abandoned us and we follow religion because we have to prove ourselves good enough to regain our former status. Like.. seriously, its refreshing compared to how boring and samey a lot of fictional religions are! They’re often just copies of existing religions, or of the general most popular religion template of There Was One Or Two Creator Gods And They Made Humans And Humans Are Destined Important And Animals Were Made To Serve Us. Instead in this game humanity’s mistreatment of animals and the environment is our absolute sin, and the definition of holiness is to be more similar to animals. And big scary demon monsters are GOD’S HOLY CREATIONS, SENT TO PUNISH US! No stereotypes here! No corner-cutting bullshit stolen from real life religions! And then like.. its nice how ambiguous it makes humanity nowadays, even beyond the ambiguity of the mythology and history. Humanity is trying to redeem itself, humanity is following this religion worshipping the god that cast them down for being corrupted. But still, it shows that some people believe in this doctrine, and some people believe that the things that are ‘corrupt’ about us are actually good. Cos it shows how some people believe that like.. ALL progress is sinful, any sort of machine is sinful, any attempt to improve society or change on what’s traditional. And it shows how some people who believe this are the bad guys, and some people believe this in a way that actually makes sense. And similarly, some people who follow the traditional ways are good- like Mahbu and her grandma. But then there’s the village chief who just follows religion blindly and doesnt seem to actually understand what’s morally correct at all, he’s just like ‘if I do what I’m told, I’ll be freed!’ instead of getting the goddamn lesson. And he tries to pretend to be a reasonable authority figure at first but then he gets more and more corrupt as the game goes on. He’s the representation of how forcing our two heroes into an arranged marriage is a morally ambiguous thing, even though they actually were in love and would have got hitched anyway. They’re still way too young to get this destiny of being the only ones who can save the village, AND keep the economy alive by spinning poor lil monsters into silk! And then he keeps giving you more and more orders, and they go from the actual duties of a cocoon master into just fullfilling the chief’s own greed and paranoia. And its interesting that him and the vizier lady who represents ‘lets abandon the rules and do everything for the benefit of humanity’ actually end up teaming up in the end and becoming even more goddamn corrupt together. Excessive progress and excessive stagnancy are both evil, and honestly they both have very similar selfish motives! Tho I do think the only problem is that they put a bit too much emphasis on this whole ‘these two looked like reasonable authority figures but were really evil’ thing, and don’t have enough good people in the town representing the other side. So its harder to care about saving this place when its literally just your wife and your mom who represent the goodness of the human race. And like.. technically I dont want the asshole lil kid to die, cos even though he’s a jerk he’s too young to be 100% responsible for his own actions. Even if I dont like him as a person, I’d still rather wanna take him away from this trash town and hope he can get raised by better people...

But seriously goddamn THOSE FUCKIN ASSHOLE CHIEFTAIN AND VIZIER PEOPLE!! Even after me and mahbu just saved the city from a deadly disease, after like 12 hours of gameplay and three forests worth of fighting for my life against monsters, where I’m expected to have sacrificed like 30 monsters to feed their stupid fuckin silk industry, even after ALL THAT they show no gratitude! The opposite of gratitude! The chief is still paranoid of the Nagi people for being foreigners, even though they dedicate their whole damn life to leaving their families and going on journeys to settle down in different cities and give their power to protect un-magic humans. And they’ve been doing this for all of history despite persecution, and like.. they lost their home and now the only ones who exist are the nomads and various half-nagi children who’ve never seen anyone of their own race before and are losing all the culture. Mahbu is an orphan who was just found by her ‘grandma’ and raised here, the only other Nagi in the village are the protagonist’s mum and technically the protagonist is half Nagi. (Tho like I said, the worldbuilding is that men cant use the magic, so protagonist is classified as a regular human and would just pass it on if he had a daughter.) So seriously Mahbu is a GODDAMN ORPHAN who was raised here all alone and hated by the village even as a kid! And the protagonist was her only childhood friend cos he could understand the feeling of being hated for having this blood, so no wonder they ended up falling in love. And then their love is at risk cos they were forced into this political marriage when they’re really young, and now have to risk dying everyday to protect this town that still hates them. And they work so hard to prove they don’t deserve to be hated, they don’t even think ‘the town is assholes’, they think ‘this is my home and i love it and it must be my fault everyone hates me so i have to work harder’. And the game doesn’t give you any option to do otherwise!

And it progresses even worse than just not getting gratitude! After you save the village from the disease, the evil chief and vizier wreck the day that you just saved, by pulling their goddamn bullshit evil plan! The chief decides to cut down the god-tree because of his paranoia, the vizier decides to cut down the god-tree because of her greed. And like... GAHHHH but its SO GOOD cos its all moral ambiguity still! The evil duo are definately evil, but they get to be evil for different reasons. They represent the two darkest sides of humanity, and no matter how much you represent the light of the world you cannot change them just by passively obeying them and hoping they’ll react like goddamn rational people! But you can understand why the masses might be tricked into following them, yknow? Humanity has been living in this tough life for as long as human memory, and mythology says that we’re being punished for the sins of our ancestors and we’re just BORN EVIL even though we weren’t the ones who did that shit. So you have good reasons to be angry against god, even if the evil duo DONT have good reasons, and they’re not doing something that will actually help.

Anyway so yeah thusly they trick mahbu and the protagonist into helping them trap the god-tree so they can cut it down. Again its a lil annoying that the game doesn’t give you a choice, though! And they dont even bother writing it a bit more ambiguous so the player could be fooled too, its pretty damn obvious you’re being tricked yet the only way to progress the game is to keep going. So you accidentally end up casting the evil magic on the god-tree and its like HOLY SHIT NO! And as you run back to the town you cant get back in time to stop anything, and you just get to see cutscenes of what’s happening while you’re gone. The evil duo cross the line EVEN FURTHER by MURDERING MAHBU’S GRANDMA! Mahbu’s grandma is the BEST CHARACTER, you fucking fuckface! She was such a nice helpful mentor and one of the only people who genuinely treated you two like human beings even though she wasn’t related to you. And she tries to stop the evil duo from doing their evil plan, she tries to reason with them, and she even gets desperate enough to try and reason with them within their own logic. Even if they’re sacriligious and selfish enough to not care that they’re trying to kill god for personal gain, they should at least understand that their plan WON’T FUCKIN WORK, and they’re just gonna bring god’s wrath and ruin humanity’s only chance at redemption! You’re gonna lose all your goddamn money and power if you get bitchslapped by the heavens, dumbass! AND you;ll kill the rest of us too, who never did anything to deserve it! And they ignore all her attempts to be reasonable, and ritually sacrifice her to try and save their own asses once their stupid attempt to kill god backfires. FUCK YOU TWO, SERIOUSLY!

And then something I really like is the revelation of grandma’s backstory! Cos seriously, who exactly was this mysterious woman who found this orphan and rescued her from the forest? She wasn’t a citizen of this town, she just stayed here to raise Mahbu once the town residents acted like assholes and tried to kick the poor kid back out. It turns out that grandma is actually the mortal incarnation of one of the minor deities! She’s basically this world’s psychopomp. The evil duo were actually RIGHT when they said she was a demon in disguise, but NOT when they thought that she was the evil one and they were good. The psychopomp figure of this mythology is hated, but it seems to be that she gained that reputation because she disobeys Elrihm and tries to help humans. She saved this Nagi girl from dying like the rest of her people, and even bound herself in human form in order to try and redeem this town of jackasses. And even though she was part of their village for so long and did nothing but try and protect them, they still ultimately betrayed her... And it was a very vague plot element that was only casually mentioned here cos its Endgame Time and we have to move very fast now. But it was implied that the chief and vizier are the reincarnations of the original evil king and evil sorcerer who did the same sinful nonsense all those centuries ago to get humanity kicked out of god’s domain in the first place. I dunno if its just meant to be that they’re naturally stuck in a cycle of reincarnation as punishment for their sins? But I always liked to interpret it that psychopomp grandma chose to never take their souls, because no matter what they do to her she still believes that one day they might be able to be redeemed in their next life. I feel like maybe she’s gambling with god, she’s keeping humanity alive by holding this one last wager to prove that they’re worth saving...

And then spoily endgame stuff happens and ultimately the protagonist fullfills some ancient prophecy and calms god and etc and MAKES UP FOR THE BULLSHIT ADULTS RUINING ALL THE SHIT, SERIOUSLY And seriously i haaaate how abrupt and rushed the ending is, and how that in this abrupt rushed ending they had time to show that the trash town comes back to life but not show that Mahbu does! You’re told beforehand that she will, but like.. with how many times you get lied to in this game, it would have been nice to get some damn confirmation in the end. Plus seriously, I cant even be happy seeing the town come back! Thats not a very climactic ending! Seeing protagonist smooch his poor long-suffering girlfriend would be way better! Seriously SERIOUSLY everyone else fuckin died cos of their own fuckin fault cos they MURDERED A GRANDMA my nice sweet ETERNAL GRANDMA, the ANCIENT DEITY OF ALL GRANDMAS, the fuckin DEATH GOD SATAN FIGURE WHO SACRIFICED HERSELF TO BECOME A GRANDMA AND PROTECT US AND THEN THEY KILLED HER, AAAAA they fuckin deserved to all die and be frozen in stone unable to even find peace But Mahbu’s life was instead in danger because she used too much magic purifying monsters IN ORDER TO SAVE THE DAMN TRASH TOWN And after all that they had the goddamn gall to be ungrateful and just cause a second disaster and ask us to fix it again! THAT is why mahbu was gonna die! Because she was a good person who listened to your bullshit and tried to save you, and loved me, and just SERIOUSLY SO MANY EMOTIONS you repayed her by KILLING HER GRANDMA

And i mean seriously her form of death was quite literally death from being TOO HOLY AND MORAL. She wasn’t strictly ‘dying’, it was more like a death of personality, I guess? Becoming something holy and leaving this world, when she didnt want to leave you. Everyone called the painful Nagi markings ‘cursed’ and shamed her for it and made her cover them up so their poor goddamn eyes wouldnt be offended by having to look at them. And poor mahbu was worried her goddamn love of her life would be disgusted with her if he saw! So it was like.. simultaneously cathartic and sad to learn that tradition was wrong in this respect. That it was still a BAD THING, but it was holy markings instead of a curse. Nagi priests who succum to the ‘curse’ are just shedding their humanity as a reward for their service, because from Elrihm’s perspective this is a good thing. So Mahbu becomes a tiny fairy angel type Minion, and then its just sad and intense because soon she’ll lose the ability to speak and forget about you and grandma :( So you have to seal her inside a cocoon in order to halt the spread of the holy markings, and can only let her out to talk to her for very short amounts of time in case it starts up again. And then you have to face the gauntlet of the penultimate dungeon alone without the ability to fuse monsters, until you get through it and find the original Nagi hometown whose demise was greatly exaggerated. And then nobody there has any time for character development cos its endgame time, but seriously it was thematically really damn cathartic to walk through that door and see the place! And meet this actual good guy chieftain who actually finally answers some goddamn questions and helps you! Even if its super sad to have to do fusion with these new stranger shopkeeper twins, instead of the wife you’ve grown to love. And also SERIOUSLY just imagine how fuckin atmospheric that whole penultimate dungeon would have been if the player character got to have a voice! It was all atmospheric to me cos I got really into it and imagined it, but I wish it coulda been canon, yknow? I’m just imagining the poor protagonist dude fighting through this horrifying gauntlet all alone with his final team of monsters, struggling to keep up without any of the magical reinforcement they usually get, unable to restock the last few items he has left in his bag. Fuckin DESPERATE HORROR, fuckin having to sleep overnight in the forest for the first time, fuckin terrified. Fuckin.. clinging to the soul of his wife sealed in a cocoon, keeping it safe against all costs, fuckin wakes up in the middle of the night and just how terrified he’d be that he can’t find her, until he remembers what happens T_T And then like.. imagine him summoning her and only getting a few minutes to hold her tiny fragile fairy self in the palm of his hands, and strain to hear her quiet voice as it gets fainter and fainter, and she struggles to remember herself. Thats somehow EVEN SADDER than if you could actually use monster-Mahbu in your party to fight alongside you! (tho that would have been AWESOME) I felt so bad that after all the horror these two had to go through, we never get to see the happy ending they earned, and instead the game wastes time showing the trash town coming back and just... GAHHH

oh and also that is THE ONLY THING about the sequel that i agree is bad! I liked the sequel a lot! And.. I mean.. in theory its a very interesting concept to have the protagonist of the last game be this sadman morally ambiguous broken mentor man. But seriously fuckin hell give the man a break! They literally say that he got blessed/cursed with immortality cos he fullfilled the prophecy in the first game, so Mahbu died long ago and he desperately wants to die too. Thats such a fuckin sick thing to do to your protagonist! And I mean, he doesnt even look like the same person anymore, and so much about the gameplay and the setting and etc are wildly different so it doesnt seem like the same world in th future, why even bother trying to claim its the same world in the future... I mean even.. monsters come from eggs instead of cocoons now, and you cant catch them or merge them, only buy them in stores! Shoulda just made it a separate game and let it stand on its own merits, it would have actually succeeded. I love all the characters in JC2, there’s no problem of ‘man i dont wanna save these guys’, the only character I dont like is fuckin... SADMAN FORMER PROTAGONIST WHO WANTS TO DIE At least in the ending after spoily stuff he gets to pass away. But lets just say the spoily stuff spits on the poor man’s legacy even more, sheesh...

ANYWAY I FEEL A LOT OF EMOTIONS FOR PROTAGONIST AND MAHBU And this game has great worldbuilding and i love it even if the ending is rushed and you’re forced to fall for stupid villain assholes’s stupid tricks ok end of bunni’s rambling

[krarchives]

Other assorted logs

These logs are unrelated to the previously posted message logs that detail specific days-- rather, these are miscellaneous messages sent between those dates. Names are bolded due to formatting being done differently than in previous uploads.

01/08/2017

[redacted]

Hey!

w/izard-merlin

Yo! Sent you a few messages on steam c:

01/10/2017

[redacted] sent a photo post Cover of an issue of Super M...

[redacted]

cute!!

w/izard-merlin

Oh

OH YES THIS IS

w/izard-merlin

[redacted] please get back soon

I really need to talk

01/28/2017

w/izard-merlin

Gah, just I'm super sorry for that. I really haven't been having a good time as of late, and with THAT DAY [Note: Valentine’s Day] coming up, I felt you'd probably not even want to be with me, which is most likely true but y'know... That and I sorta guess I got a little annoyed with this trade, knowing you've been doing other stuff in between? But y'know, can't win them all, must get boring, I imagine...

That and there's still a load of ambiguity about that MRI scan of mine, so I'm mildly worried about having cancer

So yes, I freaked out, but only because I feared you didn't care

w/izard-merlin

About me, that is

[redacted]

I always care about you, Merlin.

[redacted]

I was seriously concerned.

The night before... or whenever it was, I apologize if I sounded moody

w/izard-merlin

Of course

I just fear what's coming, is all

I'm never the kind of guy who gets attention from others so I always feel there may be something else going on

[redacted]

What do you think is going on?

I won't judge you.

I can promise you that I haven't said a word about me talking to you to anybody else.

w/izard-merlin

That's not my gripe

[redacted]

Joseph... you need attention. You need friends who care about you. Everyone does.

w/izard-merlin

Its just the fact that I can't trust people, I suppose

I always feel that when someone's being nice to me, they have some sort of ulterior motive

Personally? I blame my history with shitty people for that

But you can make of that whatever

w/izard-merlin

You know I feel a lot of people try and take advantage of me

[redacted]

There is nothing for me to take from you.

I genuinely enjoy your company, Joseph.

w/izard-merlin

I just have my suspicions about people who treat me nicely, is all

Especially considering my past with people who have been nice to me, and then bit me in the ass

[redacted]

Who did that to you? :(

w/izard-merlin

[Redacted for privacy. This was a sensitive subject and was unrelated to his friends.]

[redacted]

I was aware... regardless, I'm so, so sorry....

w/izard-merlin

Thats why I find it hard to trust people

w/izard-merlin

And its why I'm an incredibly emotional person

So I'm sorry for upsetting you, but I can't help it

[redacted]

You didn't upset me... I was just very confused.

w/izard-merlin

Why so?

[redacted]

Just... seeing you off my friends list out of the blue.

After you requested one last thing.

w/izard-merlin

Did you get none of the messages afterwards?

w/izard-merlin

They explained why I was doing what I was doing

[redacted]

No... I didn't get them.

w/izard-merlin

Well, my final request of you was to enjoy the music I had made for you as our part of the trade

[redacted]

Would you like to see muffet? [A picture I had been drawing for him.]

w/izard-merlin

I'm fine, don't worry about finishing it

Just enjoy the music I made for you

[redacted]

I'm going to finish it

I can't keep not finishing stuff [Note: This wasn’t finished because of the events of 2/4 cutting communication. ]

w/izard-merlin

Well, if you're planning on doing so, don't do it because its for me

[URL removed]

w/izard-merlin

Go ahead and listen to it

[redacted]

I can't, I feel too guilty

w/izard-merlin

How come?

w/izard-merlin

[redacted]?

[redacted]

I'm sorry, I had to help my mom with something.

I didn't earn the right to hear it

w/izard-merlin

No trouble, and well...

That doesn't matter

Go ahead, please

[redacted]

Why do you want me to hear it?

Do you want my feedback?

w/izard-merlin

Because I want you to enjoy it?

w/izard-merlin

As far as I'm concerned, and other friends are concerned, this is a completed piece

I just really, really want you to listen to it

[redacted]

... If you insist.

w/izard-merlin

Trust me, it's going to be amazing

w/izard-merlin

Tell me what you think!

[redacted]

Good god...

Joseph... it's beautiful.

Look, I don't want to sound cheesy. I really don't. It sounds cliche as heck.

But there was a tear in my eye.

It's beautiful. [ Note: This sounds very cheesy reading back, but it was true! Merlin did a great job composing this track. ]

[redacted]

I love the ending, where... ah, what's the music term....

it just gets higher and higher in pitch?

It sounded wonderful.

w/izard-merlin

Crescendo?

[redacted]

Yes.

That's the name for it? It's very pretty.

The tune of it... that kept getting repeated over and over again... it was very, very nice.

w/izard-merlin

Most of the terminology for music is Latin and Italian

[redacted]

Is that so?

w/izard-merlin

Indeed! Most of the stuff relating to tempo, at least

w/izard-merlin

Or... melody, rather

[redacted]

What's a cadence? It seems like a popular name for girls related to music

w/izard-merlin

Its basically a bunch of chords strung together at the end of a piece of music!

And then you've got plagal, or perfect cadences

Plagal cadences are typically the kind of ones you get at the end of church hymns

Its commonly referred to as the "amen" cadence, for that reason

Its used to give something a soft close

w/izard-merlin

But yes, I'm rather happy you enjoyed this

I do feel I captured you rather well in this? Gave it a rather... Homestuck-y tone

[redacted]

You seem to know a lot about music!

[redacted]

And yes... no wonder it had a vibe of familiarity!

w/izard-merlin

I mean, I've been at it for... a whole decade, now

The rabbit hole goes ever deeper

w/izard-merlin

I'm glad you like it, though

Like, I really am

Bet you're glad to have listened to it noooow~

[redacted]

You've been in to making music for a decade?

w/izard-merlin

Well, music as a whole, rather

I got my first guitar when I was 8

[redacted]

It was gorgeous, Joseph. I'm going to keep the file in a special spot so I can always find it easily.

[redacted]

Awww, really?

You can play guitar

w/izard-merlin

Ayup!

And well, yeah! It'd be stupidly hard to teach myself all this terminology without any sort of previous instrumental knowledge

And of course! Where will it reside?

[redacted]

Probably on my desktop, hehe

w/izard-merlin

D'aww

Thank you!

[redacted]

Do you own any other instruments?

w/izard-merlin

Yup!

w/izard-merlin

I've got a really nice Taylor 214ce

And then y'know

A Yamaha keyboard ;w;

[redacted]

Oh wow

w/izard-merlin

And then my ukulele... Somewhere?

[redacted]

Ahh! How cute!

w/izard-merlin

I bought a cheap one to learn a few songs and never picked it up again

Their use is VERY niche in comparison to other instruments

[redacted]

That's true. Can't throw a ukulele in the middle of many songs

w/izard-merlin

Unless its like

w/izard-merlin

Cheesy jokey stuff

Which is fun

I really must find it

w/izard-merlin

But either way, acoustic guitar is where its at

[redacted]

Guitars always sound so nice.

w/izard-merlin

They doooo

[redacted]

Is that your favorite instrument?

w/izard-merlin

[URL removed]

Here's the one I own

And well, yes it is!

[redacted]

Goodness, it's beautiful!

Say...

Have you ever made a theme for YOU?

w/izard-merlin

Nope!

I... Probably should

Just not sure where I'd even start with it

I can read people better than myself ;w;

[redacted]

I can't help but imagine something that has an atmosphere of magic in it

w/izard-merlin

Any sort of genre?

w/izard-merlin

[redacted]?

[redacted]

Yes?

Sorry, sorry

Hm...

I can't think of anything.

w/izard-merlin

Ahh, okay!

Well, I shall keep it on the backburner

w/izard-merlin

Gonna shoot you a friend request on steam, hope you dont mind

[redacted]

Okay!

w/izard-merlin

Done, and done

[redacted]

Also, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snzjXp6fbrI&t=97s

[ Note: URL kept bc its just an undertale song ]

[redacted]

Something like this without the really ominous part

w/izard-merlin

Ooooh

That could work!

[redacted]

I don't know how a guitar could be thrown in to that

w/izard-merlin

Once you've accepted my friend request I need to gush about the Undertale OST

[redacted]

Accepted!

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON AURORA’S MAIN VOCAL YOUNG EUNJO...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 22 DEBUT AGE: 19 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 13 COMPANY: Midas SECONDARY SKILL: N/A

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): fairy princess, pixie, thumbelina INSPIRATION: having discovered a love for singing and songwriting at a young age, eunjo knew that walking the flowered path of an idol was right for her. instead of chasing fame, all she wants is to do what she loves, and have that be that. furthermore, she’s inspired by plenty of former girl groups that have since disbanded, and that still exist, and hopes to leave a mark on the world much like they did, and continue to do, too. SPECIAL TALENTS:

pansori: eunjo can perform contemporary songs in the beautiful pansori style, and though she finds it really pretty naturally, she mostly does this for comedic purposes.

voice acting: during free-time in middle school and high school, eunjo used to take the time to practice doing voice impressions of many famous characters in animation. some of her best, and most notable, include: jigglypuff from the pokémon franchise, princess peach from super mario bros, most of the disney princesses, and now, all of her group-mates. this, too, is utilized for comedic purposes on tv and in fan-meets.

guitar: after having found her mom’s coveted six-string acoustic guitar at a young age, eunjo began taking lessons to play the instrument in hopes of feeling closer to her now deceased mother. needless to say, she fell in love with it, and she’s gained many years of knowledge about the instrument. so much so, that her skills are quite impressive. whenever aurora gives an acoustic set of one of their songs, she’s always seated with her guitar in her lap, and has become known for being multi-talented in that realm.

NOTABLE FACTS:

eunjo graduated from school of performing arts ( sopa ), and while there, she studied practical music in efforts to expand her vocal technique and guitar skills.

she has an extensive collection of hello kitty merchandise, but mostly plushes.

eunjo has the dream of one day being a voice actress in an animated film or series.

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

some of eunjo’s short-term goals include expanding her singing range in order to perform higher belts on title tracks, begin the process of writing her solo début with midas media’s writing team, and after doing so, hopefully landing a leading role or two in a stage musical — in korea, or in other parts of the world. she truly wants to be known as a competent singer, and someone with an outstanding voice, so her efforts are going to proving herself in that field even further.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

after a hopefully lucrative and extensive career as a vocalist, — first as the main vocal in aurora, a solo artist, and later, a star of stage musicals — eunjo hopes to settle down with a husband and children. most of her younger years were spent at work, so she plans on traveling for pleasure in her later life; eager to learn more about the world around her. while she appreciates the recording industry and all it’s done for her, she’d want to live a more humble life in the future; one where she can look back fondly on her life as an idol and feel glad that she did it, but feel equally happy that it’s all over with now.

IDOL IMAGE

poise, grace, elegance, ethereality… all are words that one young eunjo beautifully fits: the length of her princess tresses that spiral down the length of her back, the curled tips of her eyelashes, the pearlescent alabaster hue of her fair skin, the posture with which she stands on red carpets, and the soft hums that lilt from betwixt roseate lips as she listens to another person speak; each syllable sinking into her ears as she digests the information that is given to her. all of this radiance, all of this glitter and glamour, was passed down to her from her mother — one that was known to not only be physically captivating, but almost angelic in nature, too. all of her relatives dote on her for that reason, and though she’s the youngest in her family, she’s the closest thing they all have to the woman who birthed them. however, the love that’s given to her in droves doesn’t stop exclusively at those she’s related to, no. after all, it’s hard not to fall for someone so soft, and so bright. there’s a sweetness about her; one that’ll give anyone that’s around her for long enough a toothache, but the pain felt is always endured. it’s strange how one girl can carry so much celestial energy, but it’s what swathes her, and it’s also what’s guided her to the life she leads today.

however, not all are bewitched by her myriad of charms, no. there are individuals who find her positive energy irritating beyond belief, and who possibly cannot stand her strange, syrupy disposition that she deems is natural, but in truth, that isn’t necessarily accurate. she bends over backwards for people and flitters about like a sprite because she so desperately wants to be liked; her need for applause and praise like tinkerbell in j.m. barrie’s ‘peter pan’ — she needs them to live. being given so much attention as a child has left her insatiable for it as an adult, and its hard to for people to tell the difference between manageable cane sugar and saccharine artificial sweetener when beholding her, but the one upside to this downside is that, for midas media, she’s easy to market out the general public, and whether or not she’s positively annoying is subjective to them; so long as she’s able to turn a profit, she’s good in their books. the korean entertainment industry is a growing business, after all. with that in mind, they’ve decided to portray her as the untouchable girl that men and women fall in love with in films — the high school crush that ends up with the protagonist at the end of the movie, the stunning damsel in distress in need of saving, the princess who’s hand is being competed for, but most of all, the manic pixie dream girl. all of this is not only due to her delicate disposition, but for her effortless beauty, too. luckily, this is an image that she’s able to convey to the public well, but the longer that she’s bathed in the limelight, the more daunting it’s becoming to uphold what’s been laid out for her. while she might look like a perfect doll, and while her personality is easy to warm up to, she’s still human; she still has feelings that end up being stomped on due to her unfortunate lack of a back bone, her quirks don’t sit well with others, and like everyone else, she still makes countless mistakes that she tries her best to learn from. however, she feels as though she’s held up on a pedestal of flawlessness, one that she, too, has taken part in convincing people of, and if she were to make one wrong move, or say one wrong thing, she’d have all eyes on her. it’s as if she’s being watched beneath a microscope, and she can’t help but feel mildly anxious about all of this. it’s almost as if she’s allowed to have no bad days, or to become emotional about much of anything. lately, it’s been noticed that she’s appeared more quiet than normal on variety shows, or that her presence on social media isn’t nearly as active as it used to be, and all of that’s boiled down to the fact that she fears the day where she’s caught; where she’s exposed as a fraud for not living up to the standards that midas have held her to. however, on the other hand, maybe it would be beneficial to her if she cracks under the pressure? maybe people around her wouldn’t see her as this unbreakable individual, but as someone that’s just as real, and just as valid, as everyone else is? maybe being seen as a mortal would serve her better than being considered a seraph, an angel without wings.

IDOL HISTORY

>  tw. parental death, ptsd, and anxiety.

curious pupils watch as the events on television transpire before her — an embrace shared between a mother and her daughter burning into young eunjo’s blossoming memory. she’d known women in her life that have adored her, but she only remembers little bits and pieces of the woman who birthed her. all she had were photographs, an old guitar, and stories told by her father and her older brothers. all of them would constantly fill her mind with lovely comments and sweet words; often stating that she was not only identical to the former matriarch of their home in appearance, but also in personality, too. how on earth such a marvel was possible confused all of them, but they were fortunate to have her in their lives; not only as a reminder of one byun eunbin, but because raising her was simply a joy to all of them. though, despite all of their love and adoration, none of them ever felt compelled to tell her the truth of what had happened only a few years ago, and due to her memory not retaining much of that horrible day, and thanks to resilience for protecting her still-developing mind, she’d lived in a state of blissful ignorance. however, her thoughts would get the better of her sometimes, and in the midst of watching television with her father, she leaned up against him; long lashes blinking up towards his stern visage. this wasn’t going to be the first time she’d asked, and it would not be the last, but she still felt it necessary in this moment to at least try to get an answer.

“daddy?” her gentle, melodic voice cooed over to him; the singsong way with which she spoke signature to her personality. “i know you don’t wanna tell me, but where’s mommy?”

at the query, young taekwoon sighed and held her close. “your mommy’s in a special place, jo-ah. i promise that, when you get a little bit older, i’ll tell you everything you need to know.”

though, even when she did grow older, she still wasn’t let in on this secret that the men in her life were protecting her from, and though she never truly forgot all of the questions she longed to ask, she seldom brought them to attention; knowing that, even if she did, and no matter how much she begged, no one would inform her about the whereabouts of her mom. so, instead, she decided to stay focused on her studies, on her extracurricular activities. it was then, at a sweet and curious age of seven years old, that she took up an interest in the beautiful instrument seated in her father’s bedroom. it was bathed in sunlight from a nearby window, and it hadn’t been touched in a very long time; it’s once shiny wooden surface now collecting dust as it was left idle. upon questioning what it was, she was told that it was her mother’s old guitar, and that, on many occasions, the older woman would use it paired with a sweet singing voice to lull her daughter to sleep when she was a baby. moved by the story and eager to embrace it in her possession, eunjo asked her dad if she could learn to play it in an effort to be closer to her mother, to understand some of her interests. thrilled at his daughter’s inquiry, he agreed and let her hold onto it if she promised to take care of it, and together, the pair of them began to look for tutors to help teach her to play it with ease.

a few years later, at age ten, she had made a considerable amount of progress with her musical outlet, and now used it as a way to relax, especially since, at this time, one of her older brothers — specifically, the one she was closest to in age, and formed a beautiful bond with — left overseas to study in america for a few years. during this time, she grew lonely and used her guitar to help soothe her woes; creating small pieces of music in her downtime, and even going so far as to write her own songs and send them to her sibling as a way to communicate with him. none of her originals were particularly spectacular given that she was a novice who had only been actively playing, writing. and singing for two years, but it was the perfect emotional release for her at this trying time. her voice was light and small, and though it got the job done for what she wanted, at age eleven, she began to seek out help in the vocal department — eager to make improvements there, too. earlier on in her life, eunjo didn’t think she’d ever take up such a natural intrigue in music, but now that she did, she thanked her mother constantly for being her inspiration to press forward; to continue a legacy that her elder could’ve had before her life was taken away from her.

from eleven to thirteen, she took vocal and guitar lessons a few times per week, and she kept her grades up in order to prove to her dad that she wouldn’t allow her love for music to interfere with her education. during this time, her brother, taekyoon, had returned back to korea with an interest in song, too, and the pair of them would often collaborate together on tracks. she’d play the guitar and sing, he’d rap and help in instrumentation, and production, and in a sense, they were becoming their own little duo. their dreams to land amongst the stars were the same, and it was during this time that they made a pact to assist one in another to be as successful as fate would allow them to be. he focused on progressing his skills, and eunjo was beginning to take risks and start auditioning for whatever entertainment company had open calls for talent. she’d save up all of her money to take trips to seoul in order to attend the auditions. in the span of a few months, she’d been seen by panels of judges from a few conglomerates, the most reputable being 99 entertainment, but was denied due to her age and lack of experience time and time again. each rejection and constructive criticism she received only continued to light a fire within her, and she practiced for hours upon hours between homework and studying for exams. then, at the tail end of her thirteenth year, she heard about a call put out by midas media. she was intimidated at first, knowing the rumors that they were hard to break into, and that they expected flawlessness from their trainees, but her intuition was telling her to go for it, to test the waters and swim instead of drown. so, without putting too much thought into it, she signed up and begged her father to miss a day of work to take her to the capital, and when he begrudgingly agreed, they were on the road once again.

when the day finally arrived, eunjo showed up to the location with her guitar in hand; never ceasing her rehearsals leading up to when her number was called after a few hours. she’d prepared a stripped down, acoustic version of diamant’s ‘into the new world,’ and though she knew that the scouts were probably tired of hearing that song in the audition room, she hoped that her rendition would be different enough to put a smile on their faces, and when all was said and done, her hopes blossomed into fruition. they were taken with her presence and performance, and though she wasn’t at all perfect in their eyes, they saw potential in her; someone that they could mold into a formidable idol with time, and patience. it was a long shot for them to bank on her charms and singing voice alone, but weeks later, she received a call from the company, and when it was discovered that it was an invitation to train with them in seoul, she was completely overjoyed. knowing that both of his children were to be living in the capital full-time now, the household’s patriarch picked up and moved to be closer to them; providing a stable support system for them as they continued to work towards turning reveries into realities. it was also at this time that she entered high school, and following taekyoon’s footsteps, enrolled to be a student at the school of performing arts ( sopa ), and was later accepted due to her high grade marks and individual talents.

however, this temporary high that she experienced when she dove head first into a life full of song and dance was soon destroyed, and the killer of her spirits was none other than the fact that she wasn’t a fully well-rounded artist yet. balancing school and training was hard, and though she knew it wouldn’t be a simple task to complete, it often left her feeling a bit hopeless. although she was lauded for her developing singing abilities, the choreographers, who worked to turn her two left feet into ones that could move with precision and grace, would berate her time and time again for sloppy dancing. throughout all of her life leading up to this point, eunjo had been hidden behind a guitar as she poured her soul into her voice, so it wasn’t necessarily a surprise to her that she was stiff in movement and a bit awkward when she tried to learn even the basics; the simplest part of it all. many sleepless nights were had due to her staying late in midas media’s rehearsal spaces trying to drill the footwork into her brain, but whenever evaluations would approach, she’d still receive poor marks for her movements, and lack of rhythm. what made things worse was that, it was also heavily speculated that the girl group she was desperate to be apart of would focus on hard dance breaks and expert-level choreography, and that in and of itself made her sick with worry. this anxiety was detrimental to her health in various fashions, but on the other hand, it made her hyper aware of her mistakes and gave her an eagerness to correct them.

additionally, the company deemed that her voice wasn’t powerful enough for their standard, so whenever she took lessons to improve her singing, they focused primarily on teaching her to make her bright, crystal clear soprano range into one that was louder in volume, technically precise, and overflowing with raw emotion — which was her strongest suit. discovering how to properly mix her chest voice with her head voice took a lot of time to master, but it helped her create the round, full sound that the company was looking for, and as she got older and her voice developed more and donned a maturity she lacked once before, she was already being called the ‘next best vocalist in midas media.’ however, she couldn’t fly by evaluations by standing with good posture and masterfully performing ballads, so even with the new heights reached in her singing, she was still criticized harshly for her dancing. in order to help her adapt better, and hopefully, at a faster pace, they made her focus on working with choreographers multiple times a week; almost overworking her to the point of exhaustion, but somehow, she was able to keep her sights focused on the larger picture at hand — the luminous spotlights, the cheers of fans, and the recognition that she deserved for working herself to the bone day in, and day out.

then, at seventeen, she learned that taekyoon was discovered by an agency, and only mere months later, he’d be making his début in a group beneath them. while she was impeccably happy for him, and she adored that he was recognized for his talents, she wondered when, or if, she’d get her chance to feel that same euphoric sensation. after all, she’d trained for a lot longer of a time, and it seemed as though it wouldn’t ever end. luckily, she’d managed to get by slightly due to her singing voice, but even after years of work, she still didn’t feel confident in her approach to dance. she’d improved, but not nearly enough as some of the other girls in her category, and she worried that she’d be overlooked for one of them when they were finalizing the lineup. using her brother’s success as motivation, she worked hard, and promised him that she’d have her starring moment soon so they could make waves together. that was their ultimate goal, after all, and she wasn’t going to let a subpar dance skill ruin her aspirations, and overall, ruin what they’d planned for their future.

so, eunjo worked double time to succeed, and though she might not have been skilled in general when it came to movement, she learned to ‘perform’ better, in a sense, by making sure to embellish each movement with great facial expressions and occasional aegyo if it fit the song’s concept. not only that, but she didn’t dance so fiercely all of the time in efforts to keep her breathing stable enough to sing well while performing live, for evaluations, or for otherwise. being that she wasn’t necessarily being considered as a member of the dance line, she wanted to show midas that she’d make a fantastic main vocal for their group, and even with her lacking dance skills, she could make up for it with strong live vocals and a lot of stage presence, so she learned to adapt — with the help of her instructors — in a way that wouldn’t make her standout like a sore thumb when it came to lives. instead of hoping to transform into a top-of-the-line dancer, she resigned to the fact that what she should focus on was blending in and not calling attention to herself unless it was with expressions, or her voice, and she was definitely more comfortable with that approach to performance. happy that she was able to figure out a way that worked for her, midas media couldn’t help but be impressed with her growth to a degree, and there was no denying that her singing voice had made drastic levels of improvement, as well, since not only was she learning to properly sing under their watch, but her lessons at sopa were assisting her further.

after a grueling final evaluation that took every ounce of soul and energy that she had in her body, so much so that she nearly collapsed and cried when it was over, in the later part of her eighteenth year, it was confirmed to eunjo that she’d be the main vocalist for midas media’s upcoming girl group, and that preparations for their début would start immediately since they aimed to reveal them to the world in may of following year. she had to keep everything a secret for now, but she immediately rushed to tell taekyoon the great news and they silently celebrated together during the recording process of ‘glass bead.’ the innocent schoolgirl concept that aurora was given was sweet, and she adored that they were handed such a wholesome image; one that allowed younger generations to relate to them, and that allowed older generations to feel nostalgic about their times in their glory days. being given a high amount of singing lines, as well as more than one added high note throughout the track, nerves began to resurface in eunjo. how was she meant to sing this live in the midst of dancing during their opening stages? leading up to that point, in all of their rehearsals, she focused intently on singing and dancing at the same time in order know where she should breathe, and the choreography was even changed so that she could remain still when she hit a majority of her top belts. all of this was done as an attempt to make her feel more comfortable, and she appreciated that she was being looked after so well. the last thing she’d want was to muddy up aurora’s maiden voyage by not doing her all-out best.

that, however, didn’t mean that she wouldn’t ever land herself in hot, bubbling water though. while many people were captivated, and almost distracted, by her vocals at first, they failed to realize that she lacked in some areas, too, and once her faults were discovered, her antis were quick to pass along harsh criticism and malicious statements. compilation videos of her minute mistakes in the choreography circulated online, primarily regarding how she tried to handle the powerful high kick during the final chorus of her group’s début track, and the venomous hate spread across the world wide web by netizens was quick to be picked up on. turns out, blending in and doing aegyo wouldn’t be enough for everyone, and there were individuals who spent day and night scrutinizing her every movement. around this time, she was said to have resembled a swan, but moved more like a duck, and though she found it quite funny, she was beginning to realize that her fears of standing out as a hindrance amongst her group-mates had come to life. because of this, it was hard for her to appear enthusiastic on-stage, and she was grateful that, in formations, she was often positioned in the back and not given much center time unless she was hitting a high note. clearly she was meant to be regarded for vocals, and she was frustrated that her good qualities were being disregarded by a certain audience of people, but she tried to keep her head held upwards.

her saving grace throughout all of this, though, was when a fancam of her’s went viral for catching her falling five times during a rainy performance, and being that she was so professional in her approach to handling things, people seemed to be softer towards her. not only that, but she was beginning to have more of a sense of humor about her dancing. she would call herself out a lot, and would appear more self-aware. she also promised that she would do better in the future, and now, she had to keep to her word and actually show a lot of progress. so, when their third release, ‘rough’, was being choreographed, they were insistent that she work harder on mastering each move; spending ample amounts of time with her to show that she was more than capable of handling a more difficult performance. in hopes of adding more pressure for perfection, they gave her a solo moment apart from the group that wasn’t geared towards her voice, and though this made her a mess of nerves when the time came to showcase all she’d learned, she handled it well each time. however, the one downside was that, during most of their showcases for this particular comeback, she’d have to lip-sync during the vocally demanding sections. her breath support wasn’t stable enough to lift her belts to perfection, and though she was called ‘lazy’ for not singing live while dancing, she was simply proud of herself for pressing onward with each stage the group took part of. her movements on-stage — to this day — would continue to be her biggest downfall, but she trusts that they won’t be paid attention to too much in the future.

fast forward a bit deeper into the present, and young eunjo is beginning to be recognized for her voice all throughout the nation. her high notes are top notch, and a song released by aurora isn’t considered ‘complete’ unless she belts during the bridge, or final choruses. although she’s still a rookie idol, the amount of weight and strength that she puts behind her vocalizations are enough to have her compared to some of the industry’s top vocalists, but she doesn’t let any likening get to her head. she wouldn’t want to lose any bits of what makes her unique by hearing that she sounds like anyone specific. even despite some haters’ baseless attacks on her dance skills, her overall talent, her personality, or her appearance, she tries her best to be the girl that they’ve all come to know after the three — going on four — years that aurora has been active. during this state of grace and slow, but steady, rise to the top, however, eunjo’s been plagued with small remembrances of what occurred on the day that her mother was slain — more vivid than they ever have been.

for many, many moons now, the youngest of the young siblings has suffered with severe bouts of insomnia. even as a child, she’d spent nights on end wide awake and staring at the moon up above; imagining that it was her mother. she’d talk to it, hold full conversations, and ride the wave of sleeplessness for as long as she could before inevitably crashing — even if it was days later. it completely tarnished her motor skills after a good while, though, and it caused great concern for her father. in her teen years, she’d often write lyrics about feeling depressed or anxious, and she’d notice that it’d only get worse whenever she hadn’t slept properly. being that she had no idea what the cause of all of this was, eunjo deemed it as only being ‘tired.’ while that was true to some degree, it was far worse than what she thought, and later on, she started to have nightmares about the ocean; about the beach. she can’t step foot in the sand now without feeling uneasy, and she can’t remember why. it frustrates her to no end that she can’t finish this puzzle that she’s subconsciously been working on for years now. music has helped her heal and escape from her woes for now, but the weight of carrying such a deeply unknown burden on her shoulders is slowly, and surely, crushing her; especially since her schedule is so overloaded with work and hundreds of obligations that require her to be mentally sound and present at all times. this added stress is beginning to affect her sleeping patterns again, and in turn, create flashbacks, and as time goes on, the once dimly lit imagery in her mind is slowly becoming brighter; her memory kicking in at a gentle pace.

she remembers the sound of waves harmonizing eerily with loud cries and screams, as well as taekyoon’s chest and arms shielding her from beholding a gruesome scene. all of these once uncovered layers now more present than ever before; her mental resilience not as strong as it used to be during childhood. she’s forced to face the knowledge head on, and although the picture hasn’t been painted in full, she’s beginning to understand why she’s been kept in the dark about it for so long. all of this trauma is beginning to take its toll on her, and netizens claim that she appears tired or out of sorts during some performances or fan-meets, but she insists that all is well and that no one has anything to be worried about. will she be able to dig herself out of the hole that she’s slowly being buried in, or will she reach an inevitable breaking point after so many years of ignorance?

only time will tell.

[onestowatch]

Q&A: How Dermot Kennedy Strikes A Balance Between Bon Iver & Drake In ‘Doves and Ravens’

Just like the rest of us, Dermot Kennedy strives for a healthy balance in life, love, and music--but he does so in a very different way. The Irish singer/songwriter strikes an utterly captivating equilibrium by thoughtfully merging two absolute extremes, both sonically and lyrically. It is a profound talent that has fueled his journey from his self-titled debut album to his upcoming Coachella 2019 performance, and this journey is one we are fortunate enough to have watched unfold before our very eyes. 

Kennedy encapsulates notions of love and heartbreak, bliss and sorrow, life and death, and other fiercely opposing forces--often juxtaposing the two from one line to the next. Hence, his debut EP was properly titled Doves and Ravens, featuring the standout track “Glory,” in which Kennedy brilliantly proclaims he’s learned that “doves and raves fly the same.” While his lyrics maintain the depth of a poet and the composition of a seasoned singer/songwriter, Kennedy’s true flair comes in with the addition of unexpectedly urban-leaning production. The contrast between impassioned vocals, stripped back guitar chords, and hip hop beats allows for a highly universal appeal, and that appeal has certainly manifested itself in millions of monthly Spotify plays.

Following two sold-out headline shows in Los Angeles and New York City, we chatted with Dermot Kennedy about his emergence as a solo artist, the creative process behind Doves and Ravens, and his ultimate goal as an artist. 

OTW: Let’s get started! Does your name have any special meaning?

DK: It means “free man.” It’s an Irish name.

OTW: Cool! Do you resonate with it?

DK: Yeah, for sure. My mother was very aware of what it meant--there’s some big story about how Dermot fought and died trying to save some woman. That’s terrible knowledge of what it means, but the name Dermot means “free man” essentially, which I really enjoy.

OTW: Back to the early days, was there a specific moment when you realized music is it? What drew you into it?

DK: What drew me into it was when I was ten years year old. My cousin played guitar at a party, and he was very good, so I got a guitar and started playing. That was the very beginning. I started to fall in love with music by David Gray, Glen Hansard, songwriters, and it grew from there. Playing football was just as important to me. I was a kid thinking I was going to be a footballer until I was 14 years old, and then you realize you actually have to be very good to do that. 

It wasn’t like, “I need music in my life and this is what I am going to do definitely.” I think that happened when I left school, which was when I was 17 years old--I realized I definitely was going to do it. We have a thing at home called CAO, which is the form you fill out with your intentions for college and what courses you are applying for and my mother did it for me, because I had no intention of doing anything college-wise. I just wanted to write songs and move forward in that way. I put one course on it and it was a classical music degree. Then it’s swiveled down to an exam and then after the exam swiveled down to an audition. Only 20 people get in...I got in but it was the only course I put down on the form! I’m glad I did it, but I was not the one who made me do it.

OTW: After college, what steps did you take to get started?

DK: Well the class turned out to be super classical and the people there wanted to be conductors and composers. So two of us started playing music together and formed a band while I was in college. Before college, I was doing things under my own name, doing gigs, releasing music, and we started playing together in college and it got weird, because we were nineteen/twenty, and it was my name on the poster, and we were all really good friends. The wheels were already in motion in that way. When I left college, in 2012, I kept doing it. Two years ago, the band split up and I’ve been doing my own thing since.

OTW: I read about how you had an encounter with Glen Hansard on the street...

DK: It was over the course of a couple years. He organizes this big busk at home every Christmas Eve. Bono’s played it. Glen’s the leader of it, and he’s an incredible person. He’ll be on the street for five hours on Christmas Eve just playing songs. Everyone comes together for that, and our main street is just rammed with people, because now it’s the thing that everyone knows about. 

One of the first years I went into town, and basically a ton of people show up with guitars because they know it’s a thing and no one is going to stop you--and I was one of them. But he was a hero of mine so I was crazy determined to play with him and just spend time with him. We played a song together, this Bob Dylan song called “You Ain’t Going Nowhere,” and he played the first verse and I knew it because I learned his version of it, then he turned to me to play the second verse, and that was like a dream moment. And so I played it and that day just went on. We played music for a few hours. There were about 20 of us, but in every photo it’s me besides Glen, with my guitar, glued to him. I was like a leech to Glen Hansard that day. 

And then a friend bumped into him at a venue in town a couple years later, and he remembered me. So he gave his number to my friend and said, “Tell him to give me a shout,” so we could talk or hang out. I was recording at the time so I wanted to invite him down to the studio to listen to what we were doing, and he couldn’t make it because he was on tour. We went back and forth over the course of two or three years. Finally he was like, “We’re doing a gig in Vicar Street,” which is quite a big venue, 1500 people I think, and he said, “Do you want to jump up on the stage and play during the gig?” So I played a song with his band. He’s a really special person and so that was really special, that moment. 

OTW: What did you sing?

DK: I sang “After Rain.” It was funny because even when I showed up on the day and the band was like, “do you want us to play?” I was like, “we haven’t practiced or anything, but let’s give it a go.”

OTW: What happened after that?

DK: Afterwards I was talking to Glen about how good it is that he gives people that opportunity and he was really passionate about it. He said, “the moment you think your name being on the poster and it being your thing is important, you’ve lost it all. It’s so much bigger than it being your show ever.”

OTW: Wow, what words of wisdom.

DK: Yeah, he’s a good friend.

OTW: So your most recent EP was Doves & Ravens. What’s the explanation behind the name?

DK: It’s not super complex. It was a line in one of the songs, “Glory,” and I often find it hard to pin a song under one thing, and it can alternative from verse to verse or even line to line. For me, there was some good and some bad in my life that took place, and I definitely drew on both for the songs. Sometimes I find, personally, there might not be a ton of consistency in terms of the idea because it jumps back and forth. It gives it a nice balance in terms of the light and shade, and in terms of good and bad. Even in the production, with it being pretty songwriting thing versus this weird urban production, that’s happening now. “Doves & Ravens” was a good representation of that idea to me.

OTW: So you said good and bad, but what is it that’s bad and good?

DK: To start with the bad, I just lost someone really close to me, someone passed away. Not to get too detailed, but it was someone who was close not just to me, but my family. So that was really bad. Then in the midst of that, not long after, I fell in love, very much fell in love. So that was a nice balance.

OTW: This EP is the first time you introduced urban and hip-hop elements--what inspired that contrast?

DK: I was talking to someone about it recently, and they were saying the hip-hop world is the happening thing right now. Like Kanye West says, “rap is the new rock n’ roll.” And for me those guys are the most creative, most exciting, and the most shocking at times, but at least they are being interesting. That’s what I listen to a vast majority of the time.

OTW: Who do you like?

DK: It started with Drake. I’m not ashamed to say that. It’s so good sometimes. I went to see him in Dublin recently, and songs like “Tuscan Leather” and “Worst Behavior” have really strong lyrical character--that’s why I think he is incredible. 

I went into the studio with Kerry, who I work with in London--he’s like my guy. He’s really tuned in musically and he played me this X Ambassadors song called “Love Songs Drug Songs,” and it basically mixed guitars with heavy beats. I just thought it was a really cool sound. So we kind of worked off that. 

I played him an acoustic I had written--“A Closeness” from the EP. We put this beat on it, and it was so exciting when it happened to mix a raw guitar sound with that. We continued to do the same thing in “Glory” and the other ones. I’m glad I did, and if I’ve done my job correctly, then the acoustic side of things hasn’t been lost, and the songwriting hasn’t been deterred by this production. That’s what I’m trying to do. Have the music be great and build a good track, and also not lose why I started music in the first place.

OTW: Who are some Ones To Watch artists on your list?

DK: There’s a guy that I think is really great called Ciaran Lavery from Northern Ireland. He is a songwriter in its truest form. He just has a guitar and plays the keys sometimes and writes these really beautiful songs. He’s probably number one for me. 

There’s another guy from Dublin called Eden. I remember a couple years ago, he tweeted a video of mine, and it turned out he was from Dublin, and I was like, “who is this person?” There’s tons of good music in Dublin, but a lot of it is quite contained in Dublin. So I was seeing this guy with this outrageous following, and I thought how come I had never heard of him before. I went to go see his show in Dublin, and he came to see mine. He’s a very talented man.

I could go on about bands in Dublin. There’s a band called Overhead, The Albatross. They are the one act from Ireland that I would make sure to see every time. They’re an instrumental band. The energy is very cool.

OTW: So what have you been up to recently?

DK: The first show in LA was a headline thing and it sold out, which is amazing. Then Bonnaroo, came back to play School Night, and headed to New York for another sold out how. Couple of festivals for the next couple months and then going to go from there.

 It’s time to start thinking of an album for me, which is super exciting because I’ve got the songs, but I want to be in a scenario where I have space to do the best thing I can. 

And we’ll do more shows because the London one was the best one, sold out real fast and it was about 400 people. Spotify is going crazy well, but until you do shows, you don’t really know if those people are people who are hearing it are people who are going to turn out for you at the gates. We don’t really know how far we can push it.

View this post on Instagram

GLORYYYY-OUS @dermotkennedy 🙌

A post shared by Ones To Watch (@onestowatch) on Jun 12, 2017 at 11:53pm PDT

OTW: Do you think it all started from Spotify?

DK: Yeah. In April of 2016, Spotify started playlisting, and it went from getting 10 plays a day to whatever it gets now.

OTW: What would you say is your ultimate goal as an artist?

DK: I’d find it hard to restrict it to one thing. To have a song used in a major movie would certainly be a “pinch yourself” moment. To be less specific about what it is, I think ultimate goal is to make music that is respected by everyone, to be “successful,” but not lose the respect of the super talented musicians I went to college with.

OTW: So not a sell-out?

DK: Exactly! But I don’t see that as potentially hindering things either. I want to do both--make stuff that is respected by music purists, but I also want to go do amazing things. I think both is possible. 

You could go to a Bon Iver or Frank Ocean show, and the people are dying to see that person, and not necessarily the person, but to hear their music and form a connection is really special. I’m starting to feel it, like London with all those people there, and it felt weird. The words you wrote to mean things to these people, and to be packed into that room together, is so special.