i need to mutter into the void so i’m going to post under the cut the trials and tribs of my current clegan fic writing experience so no one including (especially) me has to make eye contact with it. it’s basically a diary entry. god bless anyone that reads it lol. love and light 🫶
goddamn writing this fic is kicking my ass. it was just meant to be an angsty gale introspective. then i started another and that was meant to be them just fucking absolute nasty style. now i fear they have combined, morphed, metamorphosed, and it’s becoming a monster. goddamn. what does one do in this situation? it would be my first time posting in this fandom and my second time posting fic at all. i’m shaking in my boots about it. there is so much wonderful fic being posted for this pairing and so many approaches and styles. i would love to get mine out and see it amongst those works. i’m just not sure how to go about constructing this fic and how to post about it. i’d like to post some bits and pieces and maybe someone will see it and tell me it’s worth it to finish it but first and foremost i’m really writing this for myself, because it’s the type of fic i love to read and also i feel like i need to be writing it so my mind is creating something. and it would feel like a waste to me and a let down for myself if i never post it. also i’m projecting very hard onto it and onto gale as a character, so it feels kind of personal in some parts? which can’t totally be avoided but because of that and because the way i write is also very personal to me it’s making something that should be fun to post about feel quite daunting. but i want to push myself so badly because it’s been years since i’ve done that, maybe i’ve never done that. and Of Course it’s wwii yaoi that’s gotten me to this point.
anyway, y’all ever think about gale identifying as a more feminine being than is expected for a man like him in the time he’s in, thus manifesting itself into years of repression he’s not entirely aware of until he meets and grows closer to bucky, and how he comes to terms with being awakened in such a way that has laid dormant until he’s in the literal u.s. military, and eventually in one of the least survivable theatres of the war, and in suffocating proximity day in and day out with one john bucky egan? and how he navigates his bond with marge, now in contrast to how he feels for john? and how even his childhood and the lives of his parents is being pushed forwards in his consciousness in relation to his sense of self and his place in the lives of others? oh and also how absolutely Biblically he wants john, in the most unconventional and all encompassing ways? all while he has no context for queerness and sexuality as it relates to himself? i dunno what freak would be into writing or reading that 👀 🚬💀
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thinking about a no upside down au steddie fic where steve and eddie run into each other years after moving away from hawkins, and eddie remembers steve and his fall from grace as king, and is kind of intrigued to see what kind of person he is now
and steve doesn’t remember him at all at first, because, look, eddie changed his hair again, and steve’s had a few head injuries (no upside down but i imagine he still went thru some shit with the party and with robin), and he didn’t really think about eddie in high school anyway, and he’s trying to forget about hawkins as much as possible (besides the kiddos, but they’re all moved out for college now, anyway) (obviously he lives with robin)
but steve is different now, happier, more open, flirts with guys, flirts with EDDIE, and eddie….. well, he wants to know more! and he tells steve he knows him from hawkins, and steve’s sunny little smile flickers a little, but he just apologizes for not remembering him and mentions he has some memory problems
and they get to know each other, and eventually as eddie tells him more (and maybe with the help of some yearbooks) steve remembers eddie. and. well. they like getting to know each other. and they like each other. and then they get together
eventually they’ve been together for a while, and eddie thinks he wants to maybe introduce steve to wayne, and he mentions he’s going to go back to hawkins for a long weekend (as he’s done a couple times) and this time he’d like steve to join him
and again steve’s sunny smile flickers a bit, but he says he’d love to meet eddie’s uncle, and… they go to hawkins. and it goes well— meeting wayne, at least, but steve seems a little on edge the whole time they’re there, tense when they drive in, fidgety when they go to the grocery store, et cetera. eddie thinks maybe steve is nervous about staying with the man who raised eddie, which is ridiculous, because wayne LOVES steve.
it’s not til they leave the town altogether that steve relaxes, and eddie realizes it wasn’t “meeting the parents” but rather going back to hawkins. and speaking of meeting the parents, steve didn’t ever bring his own up, even though eddie knew they still lived in hawkins. and the way steve glanced around whenever they went in public, like he was scared of getting recognized
and he asks about it, and steve doesn’t really want to talk about it, but he gives eddie snippets of it. people he wanted to leave behind in hawkins, memories that resurfaced, things he wants to forget
eddie goes back to see wayne sometimes, and the first time he doesn’t know whether to ask steve to come, so he just mentions he’s thinking about going to hawkins for some weekend and steve immediately starts making plans with him as if the invite is implicit. they go back to hawkins several more times, steve still tense and pent up the whole time they’re there
over time steve reveals more and more to eddie. everything that made hawkins hell for him, from the things he himself did in high school to the things people did to him. stuff tommy and carol and billy said to him. some of it is just typical high school bullshit (and oh, the nancy thing.) some of it is the tragedies steve went through, the horrors he had to protect his kids from. the injuries he sustained. more generally the homophobia that permeated the whole town, keeping steve from being himself. the lack of support in the indiana public school system for a high school senior who’s had two concussions and gone through incredible trauma.
his parents. the reason why steve’s mail is addressed to ‘steve buckley’ now, not ‘steve harrington’.
(that doesn’t come out until much, much later, and eddie is kicking himself for ever suggesting steve come back to hawkins.)
eddie, who hardly had an easy time of it in hawkins, is absolutely blown away by what steve had gone through in the same town, right under his nose. the entire persona that steve was trying to leave behind — the cool as a cucumber, unaffected, douchey mask he wore to hide all that he had endured. the head injuries. the emotional tragedies he had gone through. the way he had to be the rock for the kids even as he went through the same things as them.
he tries to tell steve they never have to go back to hawkins again, and steve is having none of it. he tells steve wayne can come visit them in their new city, and steve thinks that’s completely unfair to the man who had raised eddie, seriously, you’re going to make him come all the way up here?
and well i don’t know exactly what the ending is but steve is so stubborn about trying to love hawkins because it was eddie’s home and he wants to be able to go see wayne because wayne deserves to see his kid and eddie deserves to see his uncle and steve doesn’t want to be the problem :(
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if wriothesley doesn't appear in any quest once we get to remuria, what even is the point?
the parallels between wrio and king remus are crystal clear. remus who descended upon meropis (a name very familiar to anyone who knows of the fortress of meropide) in his golden fortuna, the legendary ship of remus that is also called the bringer of civilization and glory (wrio who built a ship to deal with the misfortune upon fontaine) is an example of it.
wrio also has connections to hades with the cerberus motif as guardian of the underworld. it's curious that the tower in remuria is described not only as not built to receive heavenly oracles, serving as a guide to ships traveling between islands, but also as a border of reality and dreams. if this is not necessarily literal but a metaphor or allegory, it could fit very well with the idea of a portal between domains or realms, like life and death.
wriothesley also parallels another character in the genshin universe and that person is arlecchino. they were brought up as orphans, taken in by an institution with corrupted leaders, which they reformed and achieved a leading position of. and funnily enough, she has ties to purgatory (a place for punishment, much like the fortress). as i have said in another post, purgatory has been described by dante as a tower leading to heaven. but we also know that celestia in the genshin world is associated with the demon realm - archons being named after ars goetia, an anonymous grimoire on demonology. although the concepts aren't the same in theory, is it impossible that the game has used elements of both? wriothesley and arlecchino's themes are similar enough to overlap. even though i don't expect wriothesley to be lore revelant anymore, i do think his ties to remuria and his role as someone who punishes others for their sins, much like arlecchino, is very much purposeful.
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So uh, do you guys ever think about how Tenko grew up with a man who had the capacity to take away his Quirk - the thing that ruined his life, took away his family - yet seemingly never once took his? That was probably a way to make him internalize he truly wished for destruction the moment he was born?
And Tenko probably questioned it but never dared ask because he was the one who accepted him, and sure he gives you a sinking feeling in your guts to the point you scratch your neck at the mere idea of talking to him (when was the last time you've had a doctor's consult? Or a simple ointment to relieve the pain? Isn't he friends with a doctor?), but he picked you up from the streets (because you don't deserve gentle touches when you're followed by the dust of death. your name is defined by it how do you know the name of that kid who wanted to be a hero) he gave you a place to stay (because your home was based on silent rejections and lies on the very ground you decayed), he accepted you even though you're only an individual born for destruction (and so is the crafted garden you're rooted on, but you could've thrived in another garden, another life.)
And maybe, you're just ungrateful. Your sensei is the only one who can understand the lonely traces of death that follows you, unnervingly so. Even though he's the one who can take that away from you with a mere touch.
(just like you can. just like you did. why can't you feel joy with that? you were born in from for destruction.)
(you could decay your allies with one single touch. they're irrelevant to your goals. why does your heart stop you from fulfilling that now? you had it in you back then. it never mattered before.)
(you tried to help someone ungrateful, once. he was killed by his your hand. they've helped him. why weren't you offered the same?)
(isn't this why you reject the hand that wants to save you? you could've killed him. and he still held your hands. the denied reality you had since you were a child.)
(do you still want to be a hero, shimura tenko?)
(... why can't you start now?)
But then again, how do you know you deserved better when you were nothing but a puppet- and now, with his goals destroyed, a very useless one?
Just thinking about Shimura Tenko.
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I don’t feel like our love is brand new. There must have been lovers, soulmates, before us, experiencing what we get to have. And it’s giving me comfort to imagine there will be many more like us to come. Our kind of love is the kind of love that makes this rotten world worth living in.
prince simon in madrid
a pilgrimage along the world that @prince-simon created 🥹
Simon’s neighbourhood, Chueca
“It’s actually the Queer Neighbourhood of Madrid, and coincidentally also where I live.” He lowered his voice as if to tell a secret, “It’s actually not a coincidence at all.” (chapter 2)
Casa de Campo (view from the Royal Palace lol oop)
Wilhelm didn’t even recognise himself. He didn’t think he’d ever looked that happy. And Simon… his eyes were closed and his curls were a mess and Wilhelm had never seen anyone more beautiful. (chapter 3)
El Retiro
Simon looked at Wilhelm much too adoringly for a statement this goofy. “The ducks are gay!” He yelled at Santiago and Paula, “Just so you know!” (chapter 9)
Palacio de Cristal
“Here’s a funny thought - bear with me, okay? But just imagine. Flowers. Everywhere, like on the ceiling, up the walls. Fairy lights scattered all through it. It would be so gorgeous as a- uh, like. For a wedding…” Realising where his train of thought had gotten him, Wilhelm fell quiet, looking at Simon with wide eyes. (chapter 9)
El Palacio Real de Madrid (more specifically the Throne Room lmfao)
Simon traced his fingers over the bruises on Wilhelm’s neck and in the opening of his dress shirt, humming contentedly. Wilhelm followed the movement in the mirror, and marvelled at how good they looked together, how well they fit together and how much Simon belonged right here – on the throne, with Wilhelm. He deserved the world and so much more. (chapter 12)
Museo Nacional del Prado
Around them, the other visitors kept moving, admiring the art on the walls, and for the moment Wilhelm felt infinite, imagining himself a painting, looked at and analysed hundreds of years from now. El Abrazo de los Príncipes.
Lo Spasimo, Raphael, 1515-1517
“Are we allowed to kiss in front of Jesus on his way to crucifixion or is that tasteless? Because I really want to kiss you right now, Simon.”
Las Meninas, Diego Velázquez, 1656
“He made me look at Velázquez in the painting and how he was looking back at the viewer, at me. I still remember the exact tone of his voice, how he was so certain when he told me that I had every right to be where I am. That I am the subject of this painting, the king being painted. All those tyrants, King Felipe and Emmanuel and all those that came in between, they are trapped in that mirror forever while I am here, alive, we’re here. Velázquez is looking at two queer princes, ready to paint us.” (chapter 13)
Casa Alberto
“So, tell me more about this special part of Madrileñan history.” He was slightly teasing but mostly actually curious.
Simon seemed all too eager to answer that question, and it hit Wilhelm how genuine Simon’s care for his city — his country — and its people was. It made him a little sad to know that a lot of people didn’t get to see that because they only focused on Simon being too gay or too Latino, or even just too carefree and enjoying life because he was young, to be their future king.
bonus content:
Iglesia de San Antonio de los Alemanes (where Simon goes to church)
“I think I need to go somewhere.”
“Oh?” Wilhelm said softly, “Right now?”
Simon hesitated before he nodded. “I need to- get some clarity? Or - I hope that I’ll get it there?” He whispered, voice shaky.
“Do you want to tell me where you’re going?”
“To- uh, to pray? I mean- to church? I don’t know if I’ll pray…” Simon’s voice was shaky, uncertainty shining in his eyes when he dared to look up at Wilhelm. (chapter 11)
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