#god man this is just bad as hell

[fireh0es]

ok so post episode reflection time. i wanted to like the episode but it just wasn't as memorable as other finales, which is weird for me because it was meant to be the 'last' before the move to ABC happened. this episode felt bungled, let me go into why.

1.) okay so this sounds weird to complain about but that bridge collapse sucked. nobody was in true peril, there never felt like there was stakes honestly other than brief scenes with hen and chim. i wanted there to be a serious injury, i cannot lie. i'm tired of the 118 being fine after these things and just bouncing back like nothing happened. it's too episodic, if that's the word. things aren't lasting

2.) speaking of no stakes, bobby was heavily implied to be hurt. he was not. all we hear is that he hurt his shoulder and needs scans. chim was completely harmlessly impaled pretty much, just walk it off. that whole thing was traumatic in many ways and bobby and chim should not have been so scot-free in an episode that required high stakes

3.) chimney had gloves on and wasn't wearing The Ring of Power. -1000 points from Gryffindor for that one babes sorry

4.) i'm not super against buck/natalia as a couple but it felt weirdly rushed because she came in literally last minute for the birth then started dating buck. maybe it's just because i wanted her to show up at lucy's doorstep because i'm a garbage eating goblin with no self control

5.) the eddie/marisol thing. i really really really wanted to hold out hope that she would defy the trope of 'firefighter gets the girl after saving the day'. i genuinely thought she'd be involved in this 'mass casualty accident' that was over in like ten minutes. seriously wtf was this bridge collapse??? where is the drama, i can't see it???

6.) what in the world was that meditation scene? why did we time skip so far ahead that the flashbacks seem like flash forwards??? what is going on with this pacing it's like being dragged behind a truck with a drunk driver at the wheel

7.) the fucking speed they tore through every plot line this episode was unreal. the bridge collapse served us a nothing sandwich in ten minutes flat, the 118 checked in and checked out of the hospital before i could blink. the relationships were slammed in in such short fast scenes they felt forced and sudden. they did the time warp and blew through weeks of development and the birth of a baby that honestly happened so fast idk how much time went by between that and the cute little bwidge cowapse. seriously the pacing sucked, really girl give us nothing

8.) the episode was pretty much only saved by the cast. i cannot describe how disappointed i felt about this finale. despite amazing work from the actors, things flew by too fast, the tone was all wrong from a directorial and production standpoint, relationships felt mishandled. like i'm sorry, henren are going to have another baby in the house and we get... a hug? a time skip and a h u g??? buck has this super moving scene getting to see the life he gave to his friends to nurture and is able to let go and does the time warp into a new relationship, eddie is pressured by chris to call marisol, who didn't even appear until the last 2 minutes (??????????) now they're going on. a date??? bobby is totally fine after being pinned in a metal bin by an suv and an ambulance and a bunch of concrete because apparently bobby has fucking adamantium bones and has +100 resistance to crush damage. like literally i'm not even a little nervous when bobby gets pancaked because he's literally that cartoon character that pops up from being flattened like 'i'm ok!' *insert clown silly noises* where is the writing, sis? where?????

9.) where was the wedding? we get a rooftop meditation flashback/flash forward thing with weird thoughts from all the characters but not the fucking madney wedding???? i wanted to see chim barely survive that bridge collapse and have the viewers thinking he was going to perish before seeing him at the parish in a boyle style butt cast or something marrying maddie because literally being strapped to a flaming gurney wouldn't stop him. instead chim is magically fine and there isn't a wedding. i'm going to eat glass

10.) lucy: i have a sprained ankle *gets in a helicopter and flies out of the series* WOULD YOU LET THE FEMALE FIREFIGHTERS STICK AROUND AND DO THEIR JOBS PLEASE??

god it was just so unsatisfying. imagine if the tsunami episodes plot was over in 10 minutes with no stakes at all. like really?? idk what it is but the stakes in this season have literally never been lower. the earlier seasons had me INVOLVED in the emergencies. things have gotten so goofy lately. most emergencies are comedic and unserious, the writing isn't taking the characters as seriously as their actors, it feels like one of those happy AU fanfics that I just struggle through reading because you know it's going to be saccharine and there's nothing that's going to happen that's gripping which you would expect in a drama series.

[blorbologist]

Y'know, I think I figured out why the Hells still feel like a new low-level party to me, even though they're level 13 and almost 100 episodes in.

I don't quite think it's the lack of conversations, or the fact half the party's plot hooks are big ties to past campaigns - though that definitely plays a part.

... Bell's Hells still primarily rely on quest givers.

Most of their goals are given to them and do not feel organic to the party, and constantly remind us that the Hells are pretty much never the most powerful people in the room. Which is usually something you see with a low-level party.

NPCs offering jobs is not a bad thing; it's a very common plot hook. Matt has been extremely skilled with using NPC quest givers in those two campaigns. Not only do they provide an obvious plot thread, but they can put the party in the path of others (say, the Nein running into the Iron Shepherds while doing a job for the Gentleman and everything that came of that). And the Hells had a solid start with it too - Eshteross was an excellent quest giver!

The problem is that Bell's Hells have never really not had a quest giver.

Maybe it's a byproduct of the more plot-heavy structure of this campaign? But while prior parties have felt like they decided on their course of action and what they prioritized, Bell's Hells feels less like level 13 (13! Level 13!) experienced adventurers and more like an MMO group clicking on the exclamation point over an NPC's head. Where does the plot demand we go next? Who do we report back to?

They're level 13.

At level 13, Vox Machina had just defeated a necromantic city-state to clear their name and Percy's conscience. And, you know, the Conclave just destroyed Emon. No one was explicitly telling the group to gather Vestiges and save the world (though Matt guided them there), and they were usually among the most powerful people in the room. They chose which Vestiges to prioritize, which dragons to tackle when, even if the over-all plot was pretty clear.

At level 13, the Mighty Nein were celebrating Traveler Con (another PC goal, I'll note) after brokering peace between two nations, accidentally becoming pirates and heroes of the Dynasty. The Nein regularly chose what to do based on personal goals, not grand ones. Though definitely smaller fish than Vox Machina at this level, they were very independent and gaining solid political clout.

While we're at it: level 13 is one level lower than the Ring of Brass, who had a huge amount of sway over Avalir. They ended the world, and also saved it, while in the grand scheme of things being only a smidge more powerful than Bell's Hells are now.

Can you really see the Hells wielding that amount of influence, when they're constantly being told what to do next?

The god-eater might be unleashed, so Bell's Hells have no time to do anything but what is asked of them. No time for therapy unless stolen from Feywild time, no travel on foot and late-night watches. They haven't even had time to grieve FCG. Percy was grieved in the middle of the Conclave arc. Molly was grieved when half the party was still in irons.

Matt is in the very unfortunate spot of not being able to give the Hells the same agency as the other two parties. Not only because of the world-ending plot introduced so early on; they are surrounded by characters they know (and the cast knows) are stronger and wiser than them - the familiarity of the past PCs and NPCs is to their disadvantage.

Why would the party reasonably ignore Keyleth's task that will help save the world and go off on a romp? Why would the cast when they know well Keyleth has to be sensible and with the best intentions in mind? The stakes are just too high.

It means that the Hells still feel like they're running errands instead of pursuing their own destiny. Their accomplishments are diminished as just being parts of a to-do list, and any stakes feel padded by several level 20 PCs/NPCs standing 5 steps away ready to catch them.

This isn't Bell's Hell's fault, nor is it Matt's. It could be amended, I think, if the Hells are really left to their own devices for a long period of time without support and shortcuts (like during the party split)... which would be really tricky to pull off at this point in the campaign.

They're level 13. They're big fish, but they're stuck in a pond full of friendly sharks, so they don't feel big at all.

[astranauticus]

Director of the False Last Act

[baeshijima]

going through all my old hsr and genshin concepts rn and omg i need to write/finish some of these like actually???

like?? wdym i havent started the fallen/banished god!blade x god!reader 20k slow burn pining hurt/comfort "i have never stopped thinking about you for the last millennia and now that you're finally here in front of me once more i won't let you go even if you try to flee" old friends to barely recognisable husk of former self (reader pov of blade) to lovers fic yet???

wdym i havent started the reverse transmigration into a murder mystery novel where ur a side character who gets killed off for cheap plot progression and served as the main character (diluc)'s reason for vengeance with aether and lumine having transmigrated into the novel before your death and save you only to not realise that things happen for a reason and now they are constantly trying to protect you from all forms of death alongside the growing ragtag group of the main cast as they vie for your attention fic yet????

wdym i havent started the kamisama kiss au fic for both genshin and hsr despite having so many brainrots about the possible dynamics between familiar!characters under your contract and fellow god!characters who you meet along the journey of being a god yet???

wdym i havent started the devoted-yet-dramatic knight!argenti x fed-up-but-secretly-loves-it heir!reader 10k comedy pining slight hurt/comfort fic yet???

wdym i havent started that one-sided rivals (character yet to be decided on) time travel into the future where you find yourself married to self-proclaimed rival and have a crisis over how you came to be wed and where this affection from them came to be while they're wondering why you're avoiding them and acting like you did when you were both still students fic yet???

wdym i havent finished the soulmate!blade or actor!blade fics yet despite having so much groundwork laid out for them???

wdym i havent finished the transmigration into a fodder side character and accidentally stealing all the male leads from the female lead and then some more despite it already being 8-9k words in fic yet???

wdym i havent started the hsr version equivalent of the prev wip fic yet???

wdym i havent finished the cat dad bass player previously renowned national fencer university student blade 10k pining fic yet???

wdym i havent finished the hsr celeb/actor!various au despite being 5k words in and constantly revising what characters im actually including in it fic yet???

WDYM I STILL HAVE MORE WIPS ASIDE FROM THESE??????

[sweeter-than-teafood]

No one:

Literally no one:

Glasya La Bolas: *Does a menacing little wiggle that threatens God* :D

[ccbatman]

what if i said hal's mom called him "hally" specifically as a play on halley's comet, huh. what if i said she did that because she knew no matter how far he went, he'd always come back to her, hm. what then.

[the-ghost-gardren]

My feelings towards ao3 this morning.

[mik3stuff]

Ugh I hate blond Apollo and I think the way Rick wrote him was pretty dirty. Tho I like his character, I still wish he was better writen

[luck-of-the-drawings]

OOH YEAH BABY! PARTY TIME BABY! MUSIC! DRINKS! SOCIAL PRESSURE & A PSYCHEDELIC BREAK DOWN! WELCOME TO VAMPIRE SOCIETY MOTHERFUCKER! ARE YOU SCARED? DO YOU UNDERSTAND YET? ITS OKAY IF NOT. FIRE DISSOLVED IT! ITS ALL GONE NOW. HAVE FUN!

[grinchwrapsupreme]

literally not the point of any of it at all and not even in the top 10 reasons to hate him but James Somerton's videos are so badly lit like babe get a flashlight or something christ

[justarandomhelluvablog]

sorry sorry last time I'm talking about huskerdust tonight but does it fuck anyone else up knowing that Husk and Angel basically lived at the same time but were on opposite sides of the country. But also Husk went traveling. Like these two could have met while they were alive and wouldn't even know it. They didn't even know the other existed until they met at the hotel

Like I have. so many thoughts about this.

[sideblogdotjpeg]

i am not immune to launchpad sol and albin thoughts

[paintaboveyourbones]

All Roads Lead to Ween

Ok, ok, so for various corndog-related reasons, I've decided I need to share my headcannons about Marius' weiner with you all. But, that being said, I come with receipts, and like it or not I hope to convince you all that I have a point.

Click for weiners, wangs, pee pees, I'm talking the worm that needs burping, the noodle that oozes, the gherkin that gets the jerkin - all below the cut.

The historical evidence.

So, if you've ever looked at any form of Roman-Grecco ancient art you'll notice that there's a stylistic trend to depict penises as very small.

There's a lot of debate as to why this is. Some have put forth the proposal that this was merely for public modesty and that the general public might have felt uneasy with statues that depicted full-size, adult male penises in public. Believe it or not, Rome went through some very strictly moral phases now and then, depending on who the emperor was.

However, other scholars often point to Greek ideals in order to decode Roman ones. While I think it's a little simplistic to simply say the Romans stole Greek culture wholesale, there's no denying they absorbed quite a bit of what they admired. That being said, in The Clouds, Aristophanes writes, "A gleaming chest, bright skin, broad shoulders, tiny tongue, strong buttocks, and a little prick" when describing an ideal of masculine beauty. So the idea of small penises being something that could be aesthetically appealing isn't that far off.

I've also heard some classists argue that a small penis is a symbolic representation of intellectual prowess. That it's less to do with the size of the organ and more visual short hand to show a man who has conquered his baser animal instincts. Put a pin in that.

I mean, honestly, I could go on all day about penis theories. Believe me when I say I've only touched on the very tip of the iceberg on this one. But for our purposes, I'll just stick to these as a few main talking points.

But! You might be saying - that can't be true all across the board! And you'd be right! Romans did love their big weiners, too. Just take a gander at these fat cocks.

Wowzerz!

But what's up with that? These big thick fat salami-sized dicks usually appear when connected to mythical figures or gods. Sayters are often times depicted with big hairy schlongs because it's comical and it reinforces the animal half of their nature - its part of the joke. Other times god's are depicted with bigger willy-whackers because it's a sign of good luck or fertility or protection. But it's important to remember these depictions were the exception rather than the rule; they usually served a purpose and were meant to be the focus.

Now we get to Marius. My big, beautiful, awkward, half-barbarian baby.

All roads lead back to weens. I know this isn't a particularly hot take or even an especially erudite thing to put in a tumble post, but men take their jhonsons way too seriously. How much of early manhood and becoming a man is directly tied to the idea of a penis before it even has the chance to be put to its intended use?

And in the Roman world, it's not like this was an area where there was a lot of secret-keeping. People attended public baths in the nude, men exercised naked at the palaestra, and having sex with slaves and prostitutes was a very normalized right of passage Pandora even makes a point to mention this when she talks about growing up in her father's house and hearing the point after the banquet when the raping of the house salves takes place. In short - probably most people in your personal orbit knew that the size of your wang was whether you wanted it or not.

But what if? WHAT IF MARIUS HAS A HUGE WEINER DONG AND HE'S LIKE TERMINALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT???

Like! It's SO un-Roman! He wants to be a scholar, god damnit! How is he supposed to be taken seriously with this huge donkey dick just bouncing around and knocking about between his thighs when he's just out trying to buy new scrolls in the marketplace?

Imagine being a young man and learning how to wrestle with the tutor and the other upper-class sons. When he goes to get in position, somebody yells out, "Careful, you don't get crushed to death by that barbarian club he's smuggling!" Then they all laugh! The shame! The humiliation! If you all only knew how hard I laugh thinking about Marius' weeny being of such a particular size that others use it to humiliate him.

BTW I think this also makes sense to think of it as being super small or really thin. Like, something that he tries to justify by saying it's proof of his superior intellect but everyone knows they don't buy it. Then Pandora's jibe hits differently. And as someone who likes to think of her being the domme in the relationship this leads to even more salacious wonderings, but that's not the point of this post so I guess I'll just stfu for now.

You too can read about Roman dick artifacts here!

[gifti3]

I was gonna skip reading the current event story with lucifer and gamigin since i wasnt really feeling it, but im glad i did! Its my fav event story now

The relationship between lucifer, gamigin and jjok touched me haha

Also watching michael being a lucifer fanatic was very interesting...like have we ever seen him happy about anything ever until that point???

[kittyslashers]

jesus christ. was not expecting this kwite video today.