#god this is really draining me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mutilxtedd · 5 months

Text

Hi im constantly offline and i know, sorry. My school life is just getting worse and worse, bullying is getting to me and i really can't handle it all anymore. I feel like everyone I talk to can't be trusted again and I noticed my best friend is forgetting about me, everything is just falling apart. I haven't posted for a long time, so ill just get some doodles from my tablet and post them here. Once again, I'm really sorry.

#jesterneedsabsolutehelp #god this is really draining me #worst thing is that i can't do anything about it #istg i just want it to be overrr i promise ill post someday

0 notes

lunarkittenn · 4 months

Text

I rarely take pictures anymore. It’s like I just don’t want to remember any moment from this part of my life lol

#me #mine #girls with tattoos #myself #girls with glasses #girls with piercings #fairy aesthetic #fairycore #you know I come on here or I look through Snapchat memories #and even at my saddest I did not know or understand real pain #now that I do I feel so different #so old and so worn out #I feel like all the color has drained from my being #I’m not even a person anymore #I have horrid ptsd now #the only way I can really hangout with my dad is to play iPhone chess bc he’s sitting in a fucking hospital bed #oh god it all hurts so bad to think about #it makes me want to throw up #I miss who I was three years ago before all the pain #how does someone even come back from all of this #how do I see the things I’ve seen and lose what’s I’ve lost and move on to live a normal life #I had seemed to learn every life lesson the hard way and always fall in love with the wrong ppl #I had a very tough time loving myself which is still true #but that was all stuff like I could live with and grow from #this is just a deep set pain idk

61 notes · View notes

bootyful-seventeen · 9 months

Text

Oh gosh okay so I went back to marinating more on long haired Jihoon, but specifically long haired Jihoon getting pegged has me chewing on the bars of my enclosure to get out

Like just think of how pretty he'd look when he's on all fours and your fucking into him!! His chest blushed and heaving from how needy he is for you and the way your touch just feels so good and electric running along your skin! Your fingers then threading through his hair to pull his head up to see his thoroughly fucked out and flushed face in the mirror you placed in front of the bed. His eyes rolling back into his skull as cute little whimpers and cries slip from his lips when you brush your lips along his shoulder and licking up his neck before nibbling on his earlobe. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh and even the louder moans he'd make if you gripped his cheeks in your hands and pounded him into the mattress, his back arching so nicely that you can't help but run a hand up his spine and wrap his long hair around your fist while he trembled underneath you whimpering about how he's gonna cum. Your eyes dropping down to watch his slick hole swallowing your strap on with ease from being played with for so long before getting bent over. Jihoon's whines getting louder from hand slipping between his thighs to jerk off his leaky cock until he's releasing spurts onto the sheets under him. Tears springing from his eyes as you fuck him at a harder and faster pace until he was left gasping for air, his thighs shaking from keeping his ass up when your strap slips out of his trembling hole and a relieved smile on his face as you cooed about how good he was for you, and how he looks so pretty all fucked out like this between kisses along his spine

#seventeen smut #woozi smut #jihoon smut #i'm sorry i'm back in my geto jihoon thoughts of him with some long hair. like long ass hair like him and this started cuz #i saw a post on ig from the alley saying that they'll have more jjk merch coming soon and i really wanna get the keychains #especially since my slutty little toji is included too like oh my god #but yeah i think i might be good enough to try writing again but bit by bit #mostly cuz the ways i've been coping with stress and anxiety hasn't been as effective but writing this has helped me calm down a bit #and get me focused on something else cuz i've had too many peer reviews that i think i should probably get assessed by a doctor soon #but yee ya girl sammy is making baby steps of a return rn since writing this didn't feel draining at all and it made me so happy!!!#this shit has me feeling like austin powers when he got his mojo back lmaooooo #m:jihoon

56 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

Text

...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

17 notes · View notes

txrtxglix-lvver · 1 month

Text

I dont want to get things confused he said hed never settle for some boy he couldn't use so now I gotta call the doctor so he prescribe me medication so I can deal with all the memories of being here this way

#I fuckinh hate him #he doesn't even deserve to be thought about by me #let alone have lyrics dedicated for him #this stupid ass song is reminding me of him¿#I hate him oh my god #but it's like at every turn I see his disgusting face and I have to force myself to not break down just right and there #I get flash backs just at the slight reminder of him #I'm gonna vomit #I was doing so good until I fucking saw him #I might switch schools just because of this #it's not something I want but it's kinda hard to just do school and stuff when I think he's in the class right next to me #I see him everywhere #HE FUCKING TRAUMATIZED ME.#HE RUINED MY LIFE.#and I just have to “get over it”? get over it? get over it?#get over it? really? get over IT?#go through what I fucking went through then talk.#I'm so mentally drained #I don't wanna live anymore #I mean I was able to see all my friends at least once so..#that was one of the things I wanted before I died #finn yaps 🎀#vent #★ finn sings 🎤

5 notes · View notes

lucyvaleheart · 4 months

Text

.

#whew. this sucks #i.... hhh #well. im... sad.#and scared. and painful. and lonely.#just really running the whole gambit of shit right now.#and fuck I'm just so tired.#so so so so so tired.#everything keeps happening. Just. Over and over and over and over #i cannot get a break #i don't feel like I've truly rested in months #im out of my program now. and....#......i dunno. maybe my memory just fucking sucks. but i feel like im worse #i feel like i didn't even go.#three weeks of memory. down the drain.#like it didn't exist.#i cried a lot. I know that. Breakdowns constantly.#it's all gone though. I don't remember it #........gods you have no clue how.....petrifying that is.#........am i even alive?#Did i kill myself weeks ago and i just don't know it yet?#i feel so alone #im so tired.#....I'm so tired......#.............please let me rest...... im so so tired........#........when can i stop...?

7 notes · View notes

elssero · 1 month

Text

i wanted to finish part2 to my midoriya fic tonight but i’m so tired so it’ll need to be tomorrow- work literally drains me so much i hate it

#god i hate my job #free me #work was actually really good today compared to usual like i had a good time but im still so drained

4 notes · View notes

toastybugguy · 7 months

Text

one of those days when shit just happens to you and you realize you probably will never get closure and will have to learn how to cope with it on your own. good god. where is the fucking rewind button!!

#toasty talks #rant incoming #I just want to turn my brain off #god.#I often forget how much people can suck when you exit your bubble #this morning has been awful. shoutout to church groups. I hope everyone there explodes #I don’t think I’ll be going again. we tried folks we tried but I am so emotionally drained and unwell after that.#sue me for assuming as a trans Christian my pov would be helpful in a class LITERALLY talking about gender identity #but instead the moment my experience challenges or doesn’t apply to them they get teary because oh WE’VE felt hurt in our lives too!!#how dare you assume we don’t understand!! (<- still cisgender!! so no!!! you don’t understand!!!!)#fuck them honestly they can figure it out by themselves #I am so tired of this #I would take a staunch conservative any day over these 30 something liberal terfdipshits who can’t stand a conversation not being about them #when the class is. again. LITERALLY about gender identity. christ.#my brother will be home next week and will probably go to the class so MAYBE. MAYBE I will go to that meeting but I really don’t know.#if it’s too much then I am not going back. fuck them fuck them fuck them

9 notes · View notes

cesium-sheep · 11 days

Text

aaaaaaa okey I ordered the speaker and the star projector. (and a beauty blender and a neck support and the new volume of yona and the garbage disposal cleaner matt wanted.) it was still only $35 actually out of pocket and I get my allowance in the morning which will completely replace that amount. I will definitely like the speaker and if I don't like the star projector arin will.

#yes this did take me an entire week #I don't like spending money. I like having money and I like having things.#but I must spend money to get things.#but I have had a very draining weekend and I deserve nice things and that's what gift cards are supposed to be for.#(frankly even if nice things do need to be earned which is a notion that deserves to be critically examined)#(depending on how one defines 'nice things')#(I have more than earned all the nice things I could ever want between keeping other people alive and keeping myself alive.)#(we glamorize Big Actions way too fuckin much btw but that's tangential off the 'keeping other people alive' thing)#(Big Actions often have the smallest fuckin impact tbh. they mean nothing without thousands of small actions.)#I very nearly didn't order the projector but it's late and I'm in my room alone and I turned the lamp off early #so that no one can tell I'm still up since my brother is still here #and it's just a tiny bit too dark for being awake purposes #only a tiny bit though #there's good light through the window because of the courtyard #and the projector has an auto-off #idk I think it's worth trying. if I like it they can give me extra discs for it for christmas #and if I don't I can give it to arin #the notion that I can try stuff without 100% Committing Forever is. not one I grew up with.#like. mom started me on piano lessons for my 9th birthday cuz I'd mentioned it at some point #and I faithfully attended every week (barring schedule conflicts or illness) until I moved away for college at 19.#you had to promise you really wanted something for real if you were gonna get it and god help you if you were wrong.#even though neither of us were prone to tantrums or greed even without those tight boundaries.#(and even though she did not hold herself to that standard at all from what I can see.)

5 notes · View notes

yuriyuruandyuraart · 1 year

Text

posting this wip before i go to bed cause i'm so so tired aughgah<333

#wip #my art #i wanted to finish this one today but a trip to dentist and hours of walking later and i'm officially drained and down a literal tooth!!#god there was so much blood pouring out of my mouth the entire route back home omgg hhh it was honestly insane xd #on the plus side it was a pretty good reference on how to shade injuries and blood better for the future so there's good in that ig hhh :'D #i hate the shading for this one cause i'm so so sleepy and too lazy to fix it so you'll have to settle with it as it is xd #btw thank you all so so much for the support and love yesterday!! it really really meant so much to me :')#and sorry to all those i couldn't answer in time!! they were legit SO many and i cried so THANKS you crazy sweet beans omfg >:'D #muah muah gn everyone i'm just gonna pass out now hhh byyyye!!! <33333

32 notes · View notes

callixton · 9 months

Text

oh i am on the Brink of a mental breakdown. and like a real one. i am going to feel so so fucking terrible and guilty if i don’t go to the first week of mac rehearsal bc i need to recover but i am also getting the sense that i Need to recover. i have never been this burnt out or genuinely terrified of starting a new semester in my life.

#we go back to campus a week early for mac. to be clear #and god they’ll be long days and they’ll be physically emotionally and mentally draining and i genuinely dont know if i can take that #but i am also going to be missing SO much time. and i won’t be there to support the people who i need to #i have also. been thinking a lot about how i’m scared that i think so much abt death bc i’m gonna be one of those people #who seem even more than everyone else like they have a finite time and then they die young #and then my mom compared me to jonathan larson tonight #so maybe that’s some sort of sign that i need to slow the fuck down #i am crying rn. for myself. which happens about three times a year #and yeah one is usually during winter break so we’re on schedule #i don’t know. idk!! i don’t know what to do here #and i still have to do my fucking scene prep for tomorrow #bc i was talking my mom about it and i really needed support which she was giving and then she has to leave for five seconds #and when she came back the entire conversation was just about her own problems again which we’ve already talked about every fucking night bc #- you can’t leave conversations with her and i hate when she fucking drunks i hate it i hate it #i am Not Well. i’ve sort of been avoiding admitting to myself just how badly #but man. i can push through anything until i drop but when i start wishing that i’ll drop so i have an excuse for a break….. not good #ted talks #the west wing

9 notes · View notes

0rchidm4ntis · 4 months

Text

#mica rambles #yknow how sometimes you can tell youre about to get really obsessed with something and its going to consume you for the next weeks to come?#currently feeling that way about kanata #i knew from DAY ONE that this was coming. he literally checks all the boxes for me to be unhinged about him #(silly guy with fucked up backstory. isolation. the Sea. disconnection from his humanity. weird relationship with god)#and the only reason ive managed to avoid it til now is bc ryuuseitai went completely over my head when i first started playing the game #could not have been less interested about them #but now that im more invested in the story and every unit.. dear gods help me for whats to come #i really hope im going to be wrong about this i cant afford to produce someone else oTL knights already drain my savings enough PLS

5 notes · View notes

diveyne · 4 days

Text

oh boy i didn't think today was gonna be as emotionally hard as it actually turned out being 🥲

#i posted my thing an hour ago and already #there's 3 other victims coming out #oh my god i feel sick #i feel soooo sick #i think i'm going to just call it a night socially for the day #i'm drained and i'm exhausted and overwhelmed #i'm so glad to have people listening and hearing me out and supporting me on this but boy #i knew there'd be other people but i didn't imagine there'd me so many #and i know there has to be more #they just haven't seen my tweet yet or aren't willing to speak out in public #god i feel sick #i was doing homework but i just cannot right now #tomorrow is a new day but right now i think i want to play league #or fields of mistria #i can't decide #i feel sick #i'm like. crying now actually like im not sad like this was really cathartic but god i'm so mad there are more victims #he doesnt fucking learn he will never learn i can't believe he's hurt so many people #ooc.#tbd.#vent -#negative -

5 notes · View notes

ohitslen · 1 year

Text

After waltzing around it, I am genuinely, THIS TIME FOR REAL… going to read Trimax

What convinced me this time is that I saw three times that one panel of Vash crying blood today and I went insane the three times. So wish me luck, me and my storage. Because the screenshots are going to be crazy

#if you haven’t noticed. I have another blog for me to dump the panels I will unavoidably hoard #i don’t know if I’ll post them in order. but I eventually will bc I really want the screenshots #but im going to have to put them *somewhere* if I don’t want this thing to die #so a blog it is yk #going to put myself through hell and back for the fuck of it #im a big girl I can do this. I read the entirety of blue flag in an afternoon I can do this #Trigun is longer than that but I mean. blue flag is 9 volumes so. this should take me. like three days. now #considering I technically work on the weekends. I’ll have to catch up on Monday #because my god i get home DRAINED #love the kids tho #trigun #Trigun maximum #lenssi rambles

23 notes · View notes

springboggle · 1 month

Text

I had to pay the light bill despite my check being a measly 250, and I also had to buy meat, which is fine, but like. The light bill was a surprise expense. So now I have no money to get my hair done, which I planned to do this week. Like. I have the funds but it just isn't smart to do after buying meat and paying the light bill, which wasn't even the real fucking amount, it was a late fee or something. I just wish someone in my life could make it easier, not harder, but whenever I pick new friends shit gets so much worse, when I pick a partner things get worse...I really am alone in this and I'm trying to get a houseshare but I won't make enough money until after academy so I have to really hang in there :/ I'm just really stressed and I really could use a vacation or something but I'm just so fucking poor and on the verge if a mental breakdown over this shit

#legit I feel so fucking ugly and its like I could use my credit card but I just paid off a good chunk of it #like idk this shit really isn't fair and I'm going to discuss it soon because it is so ridiculous to rely on someone-#that makes less than 300 a week as a surprise piggybank while you make god knows how much #I think I'm still going to get my hair done but it's going to be a tight week :/ it also sucks to see my tip money just kinda go down-#the drain :/#idk. I'm just really lonely it sucks. it sucks to work hard just for half of your money to fly out of your pocket #because basic necessities are too much for her to handle #I'm trying to sleep but I'm in too much anguish over everything to sleep+I took a nap #I've been binge playing fields of mistria to distract myself from the flashbacks and the fact that I'm literally broke #but all it does is reminds me of how shit everything is

3 notes · View notes

rhysnolastname · 1 month

Text

yay did all my errands and my chores, just need to do laundry and put my groceries away. but first im gonna drink my little sonic milkshake and make myself a burger

#omg just changing the setting made the grocery experience not make me want to kilo myself. this place plays no music there’s dim lighting #it’s really small there’s never anyone there there’s no lines there’s self checkout #like. god man what a difference for me.#i don’t feel drained

4 notes · View notes