#goddamnit cedric why would you do this to me

[vivithefolle]

“Hermione, you may be good at feelings and stuff...”

I was going to post this but first I wanted to check if the title quote was accurate. As a result, I was redirected to this article on Google. I decided to postpone my fact-checking and publish this now because we need to demolish the utterly bullshit notion that “Hermione Granger is awesome at feelings”. Find the original answer on Quora here.

Hermione does understand human feelings - she’s not a robot, she’s not completely removed from human beings. Hermione can understand that someone is sad, or angry, or upset.

But too many people overestimate how good she is at feelings.

Hermione reads as that person who’s just read a psychology book and is now trying to psychoanalyse everyone around them because They Have The Knowledge Now:

‘Look,' said Hermione patiently, ‘it’s always you who gets all the attention, you know it is. I know it’s not your fault,' she added quickly, seeing Harry open his mouth furiously, ‘I know you don’t ask for it ... but – well – you know, Ron’s got all those brothers to compete against at home, and you’re his best friend, and you’re really famous – he’s always shunted to one side whenever people see you, and he puts up with it, and he never mentions it, but I suppose this is just one time too many ...'

That famous argument Hermione unknowingly prolongs!

There’s something we have to remember about this: we, as readers, could witness Ron and Harry’s argument firsthand.

We, as readers, are limited to Harry’s POV, but that POV also allows us to know a fair few things about Harry and how he sees the world.

“Listen,” said Harry, “I didn’t put my name in the goblet. Someone else must’ve done it.” Ron raised his eyebrows. “What would they do that for?” “I dunno,” said Harry. He felt it would sound very melodramatic to say, “To kill me.” Ron’s eyebrows rose so high that they were in danger of disappearing into his hair. “It’s okay, you know, you can tell me the truth,” he said.

Here, we’re the only ones privy to a specific thought Harry is having -

He felt it would sound very melodramatic to say, “To kill me.”

Which allows us to go “damn it Harry, there’s been no less than four attempts on your life already, Ron being privy to no less than three of them, what makes it melodramatic this time and this time only?”

Then we read this:

Ron’s eyebrows rose so high that they were in danger of disappearing into his hair. “It’s okay, you know, you can tell me the truth,” he said.

And we’re like “god damnit Ron, he’s telling you the truth!! Why won’t you believe him when the past three years you’ve basically accepted anything Harry told you as being the truth??” (granted it is good that Ron thinks for himself, being an independant human being and all, but boy did he pick a terrible time for it)

And so when this happens:

“Yeah, okay,” said Ron, in exactly the same skeptical tone as Cedric. “Only you said this morning you’d have done it last night, and no one would’ve seen you… I’m not stupid you know.” “You’re giving a good impression of it,” Harry snapped. “Yeah?” said Ron, and there was no trace of grin, forced or otherwise on his face now.

We’re left saying “Noooooooo! This could all have been avoided had Harry and Ron partaken in a mutual agreement to properly communicate their feelings!!”

As readers, we witnessed the fight firsthand. We were in Harry’s head. But we were not in Ron’s.

We have Harry’s feelings on the matter; we don’t have Ron’s. But if we carefully read Ron’s lines, we can get an idea.

“Well… no one else got across the Age Line,” said Ron. “Not even Fred and George. What did you use --- the Invisibility Cloak?” “The Invisibility Cloak wouldn’t have got me over that line,” said Harry slowly. “Oh right,” said Ron. “I thought you might’ve told me if it was the cloak… because it would’ve covered both of us, wouldn’t it? But you found another way, did you?”

So, Ron is immediately working off the assumption that Harry did get past the Age Line. That he did manage to trick the Goblet into accepting his name.

Again, as readers, we know that this isn’t the case, since Mad-Eye Fakey explained to us that the Goblet may have been Confunded… But we’re readers. We accompany Harry and see everything he goes through. We know the Goblet was Confunded, something Albus Dumbledore hadn’t thought of or even saw coming. How can we expect Ron, a fourteen-years old boy with much less experience and knowledge than a man more than a century old, to deduce that the Goblet was Confunded?

So, Ron is working off his assumptions, and since he only knows the Goblet as “an impartial judge that is made of magic and is always correct”, he can only assume that Harry found a way to get his name in it.

And, interesting thing, Harry doesn’t deny it.

“The Invisibility Cloak wouldn’t have got me over that line,” said Harry slowly.

There’s nothing about “I didn’t put my name in the Goblet” here. Harry just tells Ron that the Invisibility Cloak couldn’t have been used. But he doesn’t deny Ron’s accusation.

Therefore Ron’s belief that Harry did put his name in the Goblet is quickly reinforced. Harry didn’t deny anything.

And here we have the reason why Ron is angry:

“I thought you might’ve told me if it was the cloak… because it would’ve covered both of us, wouldn’t it? But you found another way, did you?”

Ron thinks that Harry went behind his back.

To us readers, who have followed Harry all this time, it’s a ridiculous notion. But Ron isn’t the reader, following Harry’s every step. To us readers, Ron is being unreasonable, but inside the story, Ron is working off the only things he has. And as Sherlock Holmes once said, "When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

And yes, we as readers think it would be impossible for Harry to betray Ron… Just like we once thought that Scabbers was a normal rat until we read the third book, just like we thought the Heir of Slytherin must have been a Slytherin until it turned out to be a Slytherin and his Gryffindor puppet, just like we thought that Snape was trying to kill Harry when it was really Quirrel.

You see? You see how it works? Ron isn’t privy to what we know. Ron can’t come to our conclusions because Ron didn’t know. He couldn’t know.

… Goddamnit I keep getting sidetracked -

So anyway!! Ron couldn’t know because Ron isn’t the reader blah blah blah the same thing works for Hermione also!!

Hermione wasn’t privy to Ron and Harry’s argument, the way we readers were!

Hermione was left to work off, you know it, assumptions!

‘Look,' said Hermione patiently, ‘it’s always you who gets all the attention, you know it is. I know it’s not your fault,' she added quickly, seeing Harry open his mouth furiously, ‘I know you don’t ask for it... but – well – you know, Ron’s got all those brothers to compete against at home, and you’re his best friend, and you’re really famous – he’s always shunted to one side whenever people see you, and he puts up with it, and he never mentions it, but I suppose this is just one time too many...'

The bolded parts, I think, are things Ron himself confided in Hermione.

Hermione is an only child, she wouldn’t realize that there is such a thing as “competition between brothers”. She may have one day asked Ron why he was so difficult with Percy, and Ron told her about how he dislikes Percy’s attitude and how it makes him feel so much more pressured to live up to his brothers, etc.

Or they could have talked together about Harry like they’re wont to do, and as Hermione confides her jealousy when it comes to Harry’s ease in Defense Against The Dark Arts, Ron confides in how he wishes he could be popular and cool, the way Harry is.

Hermione didn’t mean to prolong Harry and Ron’s argument; she just worked off her assumptions, and just like Ron when he’s working off his own assumptions, got it wrong.

Then, another instance of Hermione-the-aspiring-psychologist happens in Order of the Phoenix:

“Don't you understand how Cho's feeling at the moment?" she asked. "No," said Ron and Harry together. Hermione sighed and laid down her quill. "Well, obviously, she's feeling very sad, because of Cedric dying. Then I expect she's feeling confused because she liked Cedric and now she likes Harry, and she can't work out who she likes best. Then she'll be feeling guilty, thinking it's an insult to Cedric's memory to be kissing Harry at all, and she'll be worrying about what everyone else might say about her if she starts going out with Harry. And she probably can't work out what her feelings toward Harry are anyway, because he was the one who was with Cedric when Cedric died, so that's all very mixed up and painful. Oh, and she's afraid she's going to be thrown off the Ravenclaw Quidditch team because she's been flying so badly." A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speech, then Ron said, "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode.”

Just look at that! Am I reading Harry Potter or Psychology Today?

Well, obviously, she's feeling very sad, because of Cedric dying.

Yeah, I think Harry and Ron can figure that one for themselves, thanks.

Then I expect she's feeling confused because she liked Cedric and now she likes Harry, and she can't work out who she likes best.

This kind of echoes Hermione’s situation with Viktor and Ron. Swap the names and you can see that Hermione wouldn’t have to think too much to imagine how Cho would feel.

Then she'll be feeling guilty, thinking it's an insult to Cedric's memory to be kissing Harry at all

I suspect that Hermione might feel guilty for her kiss with Viktor, not because she feels it’s an insult to Ron - he hadn’t really gone out of his way to make his feelings for her known until after the Ball, after all - but she may be feeling guilty for stringing Krum along. Although the fact that she’s also using Krum’s name to bait Ron into a jealous rage later in that scene shows that if she feels guilty, she certainly isn’t letting it stop her from playing mind-games with Ron.

and she'll be worrying about what everyone else might say about her if she starts going out with Harry

They’re at a school after all, the rumor mill goes fast. Hermione herself was victim of it last year when Rita Skeeter slandered her and made her look like she played with both Harry and Krum’s heart. She speaks from experience there.

And she probably can't work out what her feelings toward Harry are anyway, because he was the one who was with Cedric when Cedric died, so that's all very mixed up and painful.

I love the “so that's all very mixed up and painful”, understatement of the century!

Oh, and she's afraid she's going to be thrown off the Ravenclaw Quidditch team because she's been flying so badly

……….. I doubt Cho was thinking about that when she was kissing Harry, though. Why would she think about Quidditch when she’s doing… something completely unrelated?

And then we get to the famous

A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speech, then Ron said, "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode." "Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have," said Hermione nastily, picking up her her quill again.

(why have Romione shippers latched onto this quote, it’s here, it’s clearly written “nastily”, why do you guys act like it’s awesome or cute or witty when it’s just plain mean)

Anyway when Ron is saying

"One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode."

He’s actually right.

Because what has Cho been doing all that time?

Crying.

What has Harry been doing all throughout the book?

Yelling, screaming, being generally aggressive.

Cho is bursting into tears. Harry is exploding in anger.

Ron is right: one person can’t feel all that at once. They get overwhelmed, and so they do something, anything to get those feelings out. Because our brains can only handle so much repression and bullshit, they have to let loose sometimes.

Hermione’s analysis is partially right, because she has been somewhat in Cho’s situation and she can relate somewhat.

You’ll notice that she makes no mention of Cho’s desperate desire to know what happened to Cedric, or of the need for closure. That’s because Hermione can’t relate to this side of Cho’s feelings.

In Half-Blood Prince, we get another very “Hermione reads Psychology Today” moment:

“I’d much rather have Tonks in the family,” said Ginny. “At least she’s a laugh.” “She hasn’t been much of a laugh lately,” said Ron. “Every time I’ve seen her she’s looked more like Moaning Myrtle.” “That’s not fair,” snapped Hermione. “She still hasn’t got over what happened…you know… I mean, he was her cousin!” Harry’s heart sank. They had arrived at Sirius. He picked up a fork and began shovelling scrambled eggs into his mouth, hoping to deflect any invitation to join in this part of the conversation. “Tonks and Sirius barely knew each other!” said Ron. “Sirius was in Azkaban half her life and before that their families never met –“ “That’s not the point,” said Hermione. “She thinks it was her fault he died!” “How does she work that one out?” asked Harry, in spite of himself. “Well, she was fighting Bellatrix Lestrange, wasn’t she? I think she feels that if only she had finished her off, Bellatrix couldn’t have killed Sirius.” “That’s stupid,” said Ron. “It’s survivor’s guilt,” said Hermione. “I know Lupin’s tried to talk her round, but she’s still really down. She’s actually having trouble with her Metamorphosing!”

The end of the book eventually reveals that Tonks was pining for Lupin all this time. Whether or not you ship it is irrelevant in this case, what is interesting is Hermione’s analysis.

“She hasn’t been much of a laugh lately,” said Ron. “Every time I’ve seen her she’s looked more like Moaning Myrtle.” “That’s not fair,” snapped Hermione.

So, obviously, it wouldn’t be Hermione if she didn’t have a go at Ron for being “insensitive” first - not caring that Ron might just be making an observation and not a criticism of Tonks’ character.

“She still hasn’t got over what happened…you know… I mean, he was her cousin!” […] “Tonks and Sirius barely knew each other!” said Ron. “Sirius was in Azkaban half her life and before that their families never met –“ “That’s not the point,” said Hermione.

… well actually Hermione, yes, that’s exactly the point. Ron logically points out that Tonks might not really have been very attached to Sirius, simply because she didn’t know him very well. And he’s right! We have another example of a character who doesn’t feel much about people he’s “meant” to grieve: Harry himself!

Harry doesn’t really feel a sense of loss regarding his parents. He doesn’t miss them. He never really knew them. He idealizes them, sure. He imagines what they did based on pictures of them, yes. But he doesn’t feel their loss like he feels Sirius’ death, for example; and that’s normal, because he has no memory of them, and therefore has no feelings associated with them! That’s a tragedy in itself, of course. But Harry doesn’t suffer from his parents’ loss as much as, say, Ron will suffer from Fred’s death. Because Ron has known Fred his whole life; Ron has countless memories of Fred; Ron can truly, really miss the person Fred was. Harry can only miss the idea he has of his parents.

Aaaanyway I’ve gotten off-topic -

“She thinks it was her fault he died!” “How does she work that one out?” asked Harry, in spite of himself. “Well, she was fighting Bellatrix Lestrange, wasn’t she? I think she feels that if only she had finished her off, Bellatrix couldn’t have killed Sirius.” “That’s stupid,” said Ron. “It’s survivor’s guilt,” said Hermione.

Oh, look at that! A term found in psychology books!

“It’s survivor’s guilt,” said Hermione.

Hermione’s theory assumes a few things:

that Tonks had a very strong relationship with Sirius (Hermione justifies this one by claiming that they’re cousins, ignoring that you can very well have cousins that you never meet even once for several reasons)

that Tonks would feel personally responsible for Sirius’ death, instead of knowing it was a distinct possibility (she’s an Auror after all)

Hermione believes she’s found an explanation to Tonks’ depressed mood in the form of survivor’s guilt; she doesn’t reach a conclusion based on her observations, she instead takes a possible conclusion and then extrapolates arguments that fit in with said conclusion. Sherlock Holmes would be having a fit if he saw her reasoning.

So, that was the “Hermione has read one psychology book and now she thinks she’s unlocked every secret of the human psyche” explanation…

But we’re still lacking a key part of Hermione’s character that also causes her trouble when it comes to people’s feelings: the “I-won’t-say-I-told-you-so-but-actually-yes-I-will”.

The biggest, and most famous, instance of it happens in Prisoner of Azkaban:

“What’s the matter, Lavender?” said Hermione anxiously as she, Harry, and Ron went to join the group. “She got a letter from home this morning,” Parvati whispered. “It’s her rabbit, Binky. He’s been killed by a fox.” “Oh,” said Hermione, “I’m sorry, Lavender.” “I should have known!” said Lavender tragically. “You know what day it is?” “Er —” “The sixteenth of October! ‘That thing you’re dreading, it will happen on the sixteenth of October!’ Remember? [Trelawney] was right, she was right!” The whole class was gathered around Lavender now. Seamus shook his head seriously. Hermione hesitated; then she said, “You — you were dreading Binky being killed by a fox?” “Well, not necessarily by a fox,” said Lavender, looking up at Hermione with streaming eyes, “but I was obviously dreading him dying, wasn’t I?” “Oh,” said Hermione. She paused again. Then — “Was Binky an old rabbit?” “N-no!” sobbed Lavender. “H-he was only a baby!” Parvati tightened her arm around Lavender’s shoulders. “But then, why would you dread him dying?” said Hermione. Parvati glared at her. “Well, look at it logically,” said Hermione, turning to the rest of the group. “I mean, Binky didn’t even die today, did he? Lavender just got the news today —” Lavender wailed loudly “– and she can’t have been dreading it, because it’s come as a real shock —” “Don’t mind Hermione, Lavender,” said Ron loudly, “she doesn’t think other people’s pets matter very much.”

Here we see Hermione’s problem in all its glory: she’s more interested in being right than in being kind.

While the narrative appears to look down on Lavender at first -

“I should have known!” said Lavender tragically. “You know what day it is?”

“Tragically” brings to mind the idea that Lavender is being theatric. Dramatic. That she’s overplaying it. At least, it is the impression I get from the use of that praticular adverb.

But subtle judgement aside, the narrative then brings up Lavender’s very real tears, showing that, dramatization aside, she is hurting:

looking up at Hermione with streaming eyes

“N-no!” sobbed Lavender. “H-he was only a baby!”

Lavender wailed loudly

Through this, Hermione just ploughs on with her logical analysis, completely ignoring poor Lavender’s reactions and feelings, until Ron thankfully shuts her down with a well-earned rebuttal.

Hermione wanted to be right. Hermione wanted to prove to everyone that Divination was rubbish because Hermione hated the subject. And while her logical arguments are all true and have credible basis, the fact remains that she’s being awful.

Lavender looked for sympathy, for warmth, for comfort. And for the most part, she had it.

But Hermione couldn’t resist the possibility of proving that Divination was fake. The moment Lavender mentionned Divination, it was all over: Hermione just couldn’t miss on the golden opportunity to “disprove” Trelawney’s prediction… using Lavender’s pain as her springboard.

Another example of Hermione enforcing her beliefs on others regardless of their feelings or opinions is when she goes full Jehovah Witness on the poor house-elves in Goblet of Fire. Who would have thought that house-elves didn’t like to be told they were brainwashed fools who couldn’t even notice they were enslaved by wizards?

Then we have, of course, Half-Blood Prince. Oh, Half-Blood Prince.

“I won’t say ‘I told you so,’” said Hermione, an hour later in the common room. “Leave it, Hermione,” said Ron angrily. Harry had never made it to dinner; he had no appetite at all. He had just finished telling Ron, Hermione, and Ginny what had happened, not that there seemed to have been much need. […] “I told you there was something wrong with that Prince person,” Hermione said, evidently unable to stop herself. “And I was right, wasn’t I.” “No, I don’t think you were,” said Harry stubbornly.

There’s a whole fantastic analysis of this scene right here so I won’t rehash it: all you need to know is that Hermione is more interested in being told she’s right than in how Harry, her SUPPOSED BEST FRIEND, is feeling.

I mean, seriously, the “teaspoon” himself has picked up on it:

“Leave it, Hermione,” said Ron angrily.

Now let’s remember how Harry was feeling…

“SECTUMSEMPRA!” bellowed Harry from the floor, waving his wand wildly. Blood spurted from Malfoy’s face and chest as though he had been slashed with an invisible sword. He staggered backward and collapsed onto the waterlogged floor with a great splash, his wand falling from his limp right hand. “No—” gasped Harry. Slipping and staggering, Harry got to his feet and plunged toward Malfoy, whose face was now shining scarlet, his white hands scrabbling at his blood-soaked chest. “No—I didn’t—” Harry did not know what he was saying; he fell to his knees beside Malfoy, who was shaking uncontrollably in a pool of his own blood. Moaning Myrtle let out a deafening scream: “MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER!” The door banged open behind Harry and he looked up, terrified: Snape had burst into the room, his face livid. Pushing Harry roughly aside, he knelt over Malfoy, drew his wand, and traced it over the deep wounds Harry’s curse had made, muttering an incantation that sounded almost like song. The flow of blood seemed to ease; Snape wiped the residue from Malfoy’s face and repeated his spell. Now the wounds seemed to be knitting. Harry was still watching, horrified by what he had done, barely aware that he too was soaked in blood and water. Moaning Myrtle was still sobbing and wailing overhead. When Snape had performed his countercurse for the third time, he half-lifted Malfoy into a standing position.

Yeah, I reckon Harry is feeling terrible enough.

There’s no need to rub salt in the wound. Harry is well-aware that he screwed up big time, and his friends know it. They won’t chew Harry out, because they know he’s already kicking himself for his use of Sectumsempra.

Well, Ron and Ginny won’t, but Hermione, oh well, she’s got an opportunity to become the best at Potions again, so she is going to make the most of it.

“I don’t believe this,” said Hermione. “You’re actually defending —” “I’m not defending what I did!” said Harry quickly. “I wish I hadn’t done it, and not just because I’ve got about a dozen detentions. You know I wouldn’t’ve used a spell like that, not even on Malfoy, but you can’t blame the Prince, he hadn’t written ‘try this out, it’s really good’ — he was just making notes for himself, wasn’t he, not for anyone else...” “Are you telling me,” said Hermione, “that you’re going to go back — ?” “And get the book? Yeah, I am,” said Harry forcefully. “Listen, without the Prince I’d never have won the Felix Felicis. I’d never have known how to save Ron from poisoning, I’d never have —” “— got a reputation for Potions brilliance you don’t deserve,” said Hermione nastily.

This last line? This last line is very revealing of Hermione and her character.

She can't stand not being on top.

Sure, she’s nice and clever and she fights for justice. Until she is the one being subjected to it.

“If you ask me,” said Harry quietly, “McLaggen looks like he was Confunded this morning. And he was standing right in front of where you were sitting.” Hermione blushed. “Oh, all right then, I did it,” she whispered. "But you should have heard the way he was talking about Ron and Ginny! Anyway, he's got a nasty temper, you saw how he reacted when he didn't get in--you wouldn't have wanted someone like that on the team.” “No,” said Harry. “No, I suppose that's true. But wasn't that dishonest, Hermione? I mean, you're a prefect, aren't you?” “Oh, be quiet,” she snapped, as he smirked.

Notice how Hermione reacts. Harry is smirking, obviously amused by Hermione breaking the rules for her own gains - he may be thinking something along the lines of “ha, I’m a bad influence on her”. But Hermione? She snaps at him. She’s not amused at all. This is not a moment of camaraderie or complicity: she’s offended. She’s offended, because she knows he has a point. Hermione is interested in justice and fairness and equality, as long as she gets to be above it all.

She looked scandalized. Bending low so that only Harry could hear her, she hissed, “You should be expelled for that. I'd never have believed it of you, Harry!” “Look who's talking,” he whispered back. “Confunded anyone lately?” She stormed up the table away from them. Harry watched her go without regret. Hermione had never really understood what a serious business Quidditch was.

Gasp! A valid point! How dare you!

Sure, Hermione likes her friends. Hermione cares for her friends. Hermione wants the best for her friends.

But ultimately, she likes herself more. She has more consideration for herself than for her friends. And she wants the best for her friends, but only if she gets to be better than them.

It’s quite natural for a teenager, and especially for someone as driven by success as Hermione is, to have such an attitude. She thinks her academical success is the most important thing about her, and she can’t stand to lose it, because it means that she’s not important anymore. Hermione wants to be important, wants to be relied on, wants to be known as “the clever one”, because she desperately needs this sort of validation. If she has to ostracize her peers for it, fine; at least she still is praised for being the best.

Alright. Now, I wasn’t completely done with Half-Blood Prince.

“I told you there was something wrong with that Prince person,” Hermione said, evidently unable to stop herself. “And I was right, wasn’t I.” “No, I don’t think you were,” said Harry stubbornly.

… fast-forward to the day right before Dumbledore’s burial.

[Hermione mentions Snape to Harry]

She looked nervous even saying the name again. “What about him?” asked Harry heavily, slumping back in his chair. “Well, it’s just that I was sort of right about the Half-Blood Prince business,” she said tentatively.

DEAR LORD WHY IS THIS GIRL PRAISED FOR BEING A BOOKWORM WHEN SHE CAN’T EVEN READ A MOOD I get why I call Hermione a bitch now; indeed, she’s like a dog with a bone, she never lets go.

“D’you have to rub it in, Hermione? How d’you think I feel about that now?” “No—no—Harry, I didn’t mean that!” she said hastily, looking around to check that they were not being overheard.

Well you didn’t mean that but you certainly managed to make him feel terrible so congrats. Why do they call you the brightest witch of your age again?

“It’s just that I was right about Eileen Prince once owning the book. You see… she was Snape’s mother!”

Yes, yes, we get it, you were right, you were right, you were right, here’s your biscuit. Now you mind going away before you cause Harry to spiral in depression even more?

“I thought she wasn’t much of a looker,” said Ron.

Good old Ron, trying to make people laugh even in the direst situations. We don’t deserve him.

Hermione ignored him.

Especially you.

“I was going through the rest of the old Prophets and there was a tiny announcement about Eileen Prince marrying a man called Tobias Snape, and then later an announcement saying that she’d given birth to a—” “—murderer,” spat Harry. “Well… yes,” said Hermione. “So… I was sort of right. Snape must have been proud of being “half a Prince”, you see? Tobias Snape was a Muggle from what it said in the Prophet—” “Yeah, that fits,” said Harry. “He’d play up the pure-blood side so he could get in with Lucius Malfoy and the rest of them… he’s just like Voldemort. Pure-blood mother, Muggle father… ashamed of his parentage, trying to make himself feared using the Dark Arts, gave himself an impressive new name—Lord Voldemort—the Half-Blood Prince—how could Dumbledore have missed—?” He broke off, looking out of the window. He could not stop himself dwelling upon Dumbledore’s inexcusable trust in Snape… but as Hermione had just inadvertently reminded him, he, Harry, had been taken in just the same… in spite of the increasing nastiness of those scribbled spells, he had refused to believe ill of the boy who had been so clever, who had helped him so much…

Okay let’s see.

In one conversation.

Hermione says “I was right” no less than three times.

Every time she does so, Harry’s mood takes another nosedive. (And some people want Harry and Hermione together?? Do you folks even read???)

And guess who is the one who has the cleverness to change the subject before Harry flings himself out aforementioned window?

[…] he had refused to believe ill of the boy who had been so clever, who had helped him so much… Helped him… it was an almost unendurable thought, now… “I still don’t get why he didn’t turn you in for using that book,” said Ron. “He must’ve known where you were getting it all from.”

THANK GOD FOR RON, THERE ACTUALLY IS SOMEONE HERE WHO HAS A BASIC UNDERSTANDING OF EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS

this is totally a demarcation line shut up

Saying that Hermione doesn’t understand human feelings would be false. Hermione does understand emotions, but she tends to overestimate how much she does.

Hermione tries to analyze other people’s feelings through projection of her own and simple logic. But feelings are one of those things that you can’t really use logic on. Trying to explain a person’s feelings with logic will often get you angry, defensive responses, but Hermione can’t resist; she has to be right, all the time, and she wants people to know she’s right.

All in all, Hermione would rather voice her opinion and be ostracized than maintain a diplomatic atmosphere.

[geniejackman]

Harry Potter: What the Movies Got Right

Because the movies get a lot of shit for the ways that they differ from the books, here is a way too overly-detailed list of moments from the Harry Potter films which IN MY OPINION improve upon the source material.

Sorcerer’s Stone:

The Norbert Storyline: Cutting out the whole midnight hand-off of Norbert to Charlie’s friends story-line was a good move. It slowed down the plot in the book, and come on, how were Charlie’s friends able to sneak into Hogwarts in the first place? There are literally entire chapters of people trying to figure out ways around the schools security.

 Chamber of Secrets:

Nothing to add, the book and movie are almost entirely one and the same (Sure wish they’d followed through with this on some of the other movies. Lookin at you Half-Blood Prince).

-ONE THING THOUGH; at the end when Harry tricks Lucius Malfoy into freeing Dobby and you can hear him start to cast ‘Avada Kedavra’ at Harry. It’s a small and HILARIOUS addition. Like, really Lucius? The killing curse? At this little twelve-year-old, right in front of Dumbledore’s office, in broad day-light, over literally nothing? I heard somewhere that this was because Jason Isaacs thought he should say some spell but nothing was scripted, and Avada Kedavra was the only one he could think of. But it’s just really funny to think about Lucius legit about to murder a kid in public over losing his house-elf.

 Prisoner of Azkaban:

-Aunt Marge’s Big Mistake: I love that Marge blows up and floats out of the house, rather than just bouncing off the walls like in the book. Hysterical!

-Lupin scenes: Lupin talking about how Lilly “was there for me at a time when no one else was” and how she had a gift for finding beauty in people “even and most importantly when that person could not see it in themselves”… just… fucking David Thewlis man. Actually, all the Harry & Lupin conversations in the movie have this sweet parental energy that was mostly there in the books, it just feels so much more potent here thanks do Dan & David’s incredible chemistry.

-Harry’s Patronus Lessons: the powerful memory that finally gets him to cast the spell is thinking about his parents talking with him. Kind of an understated change from the books, but it helps to underscore that the memory doesn’t need to be big or even all that happy, just emotionally poignant.

 -“WHY DON’T YOU RUN ALONG AND PLAY WITH YOUR CHEMISTY SET?!?!?!?”

-Snape protects the kids: Even though Snape was being a dick the entire time in the Shrieking Shack, he still acts as a HUMAN FUCKING SHIELD between the kids and Wolf Lupin and even takes a blow to the chest while protecting them. Book Snape was unconscious the whole time. Also, Movie Snape is so much more sympathetic than Book Snape, fight me. More on this down the line.

 Goblet of Fire:

-Really scraping the bottom of the barrel here, because there ain’t much.

-David Tenant is fun as hell as Barty Crouch Jr: I mean, there isn’t much fleshed out motivation in the character in the movie besides being bat-shit-fucking-crazy, but hey, it’s fun to watch! Also, I love the added detail (which I believe was improvised by Tenant) of Jr’s lip twitch and how this gives him away when he’s pretending to be Moody in front of Crouch Sr.  

-Cedric’s bravery: It’s a very small thing, but in the book when Cedric and Harry realize something’s off in the graveyard, they don’t really react much, or even say anything. When Harry’s scar stars burning, my man Cedric has enough presence of mind to draw his wand, ask Harry what’s wrong, takes a defensive stance, and shouts “Who are you? What do you want?” bravely to an approaching Pettigrew. Guy spends his last few moments being an absolute champ. Hollywood did you wrong Robert Pat.

 Order of the Pheonix:

-The DA training sequences: They’re wonderful and full of teen-whimsiness and the score makes me happy. Seriously, go listen to the ‘Dumbledore’s Army’ track, it’ll make your day! https://youtu.be/fZane0CwAGg

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Harry’s cheesy one liner which somehow still manages to be great: “Every great wizard has started out as nothing more than what we are now, students. If they can do it, why not us?”

-Neville’s Character growth: “We’re gonna make them proud Neville. That’s a promise.” Man, I really wish there had been scenes of Harry and Neville talking about their families in the books. There’s so much that they share in terms of past traumas. I like that they bring it up in the film, even if it’s a very quick scene.  

-Fred and George: It’s been said before, but the scene with Fred and George comforting a young student who’s had the Umbridge hand-slicing treatment is UNPRECEDENTED and I LOVE it. This helps show them as more than just loveable jokesters.

-“Neville Longbottom is it? How’s mum and dad” “Better, now that they’re about to be avenged!” FOUR FOR YOU NEVILLE LONBOTTOM, YOU GO NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM!

-Possession: I’m gonna be honest, this movie is my next-to-least-favorite of the adaptations. I’d be prepared to write it off as a bad movie altogether if it weren’t for the way they decide to end with the Ministry battle: In the book, Voldemort finishes dueling Dumbledore and starts possessing Harry, who tells Dumbledore to kill him. Possessed Harry says: “Kill me Dumbledore, death is nothing compared to this. Kill me. And I’ll see Sirius again.” This moment is really quick, and it’s not really made clear until the next book that Harry’s love and grief in this moment is what drove Voldemort out. In the movie, the scene gets more time and attention and shows Voldemort possessing Harry, forcing him to remember his worst memories of losing people he loves. For anyone who’s ever suffered from depression or anxiety, the way these horrible memories overwhelm Harry is shockingly familiar. But then, Ron, Hermione and the others come running in. The sight of them makes Harry remember all of the best moments with his friends: “You’re the weak one. And you’ll never know love, or friendship. And I feel sorry for you.” HOLY HELL. All the tears. Just all of them. I fuckin love this moment. Congrats Possession scene, you single-handedly saved this movie for me.

Half-Blood Prince:

Oooooh boy. Full disclosure, I kind of hate this movie. It’s just… it’s not ABOUT anything. Like, SO much was changed in Order of the Pheonix to make it tonally different from the book, AND YET: Sirius’s line in the OOTP film about how “we all have light and dark inside of us” is so cliched and not from the book at all, but it PAYS OFF and shapes the theme of the movie at the end when Dumbledore reinforces “It’s not how you are alike. It’s how you are not.” So yeah, not really from the book, but it’s at least trying to have a theme. HBP the movie is a mess. Instead of having a central theme, the main idea for the movie appears to be: “stuff is happening”.

-Despite this, there were one or two instances of “stuff is happening” which the film added that built positively on the book. One of those is, hear me out, the Burrow attack. HBP the book is pretty void of any action until the very end, and this addition (nonsensical as it is. Did they ever explain how the Death Eaters were able to break through the Ministry’s protective charms to get to the Burrow?) gives us some pretty cool visuals and some much needed tension. Too bad it’s totally meaningless as we see in the first few minutes of Deathly Hallows Part 1 that the Weasley’s have completely rebuilt the Burrow. Cause, ya know, magic.

-Draco on the Hogwarts Express: “Hogwarts. What a pathetic excuse for a school. I think I’d pitch myself off the Astronomy Tower if I thought I had to come back for another year.” HA! Oh the irony.

In general, the characterization of Draco is so much more engaging here than in the book. The fact that the movies are less exclusively only what Harry thinks and sees gives us opportunities to see more into other characters perspectives. Draco’s experiments in the Room of Requirement really add a lot to the characters emotional struggle. And boy howdy does Tom act the HELL out of the bathroom cry scene. Really makes you wish they’d followed through on that redemption arc in DH part 2 (more on that later).

-Last but not least; Slughorn and the Lilly fishbowl. HOLY SHIT is this scene powerful. Not only is it an incredibly touching story, but we get to see the parental and emotional aspects of Slughorn’s ‘collecting’ of promising students over the years. And the sadness of Slughorn’s unfinished sentence; “the day the bowl was empty… was the day that your mother….” Just, damn. I both love and hate this moment, because it adds something positive to HBP and that makes me mad because I guess I can’t totally hate it now.

 Deathly Hallows Part 1

-Opening montage with Hermione Obliviating her parents. In the book, Hermione tells the boys about how she did this in order to make them see how much she’s already sacrificed to their cause. But damn. SEEING it really makes it even more devastating.

-Hedwig’s Death. Damn, just typing those words hurt my heart. I really liked that Harry lets her fly free at the beginning, only to have her come back during the sky battle to save Harry. It’s sad in the book having her die in her cage, but they really amped up the cry factor for the movie by having her sacrifice herself.

-“Hey losers! He isn’t here.” Goddamnit, Neville just keeps wracking up those ‘Biggest Badass’ and ‘Best Character Growth’ points. It’s great foreshadowing for what’s to come with his hero moment in the Final Battle.

-Harry and Hermione’s dance. I know some people have called this scene unnecessary and awkward, but here me out. The dancing itself is, in my opinion, EXACTLY how awkward fools like Harry and Hermione would dance, and the moments where they slowly change from depressed and dead-eyed to light-hearted and goofy, it shows you that despite all the hardships they’ve gone through, they’re just kids. A little awkward, a little uncertain, but still able to enjoy the small things in life. Also, the little moment where they linger for a moment all serious after the dance always played to me like “hey, you know how Ron just stormed out after accusing us of having a thing? Maybe there’s a possibility that we actually do… nah.” It’s a nice little moment.

-Scabier’s creeper moments with Hermione. That scene in the forest when she’s put up the enchantments so they can’t see her, but he can smell her. It’s a great acting moment between Emma and the dude playing Scabier (even if this should have been Greyback).

-Draco at Malfoy Manor. Small but touching scene; when Draco is brought in to make sure the Death Eaters have caught Harry, he does the same thing in the book where he claims he “can’t be sure”. In the book, Draco says this while refusing to look Harry in the eye. In the movie, he looks Harry dead in the face and looks scared to death while asking “What’s wrong with his face?” Just… the concern and fear dripping off of him is DELICIOUS. (AGAIN WITH THE REDEMPTION ARC!!! THE POTENTIAL WAS THERE WARNER BROTHERS!!!!!)

-Hermione Tortured. Not really all that much was changed for this scene, but Bellatrix carving ‘mudblood’ into Hermione’s arm and the way it evoked Holocaust concentration camp victims was a stroke of genius.

-Dobby at Malfoy Manor. Way to give this ‘lil dude a moment to shine! Specifically; “of course I can, I’m an elf!” “Dobby never meant to kill anyone. Dobby only meant to mame or seriously injure!” And then… the death scene. I love that in the movie, Dobby gets a longer farewell. “Such a beautiful place… to be with friends. Dobby is happy to be with his friend. Harry Potter.” UGH! At least give me some warning before you rip my heart out.

 Deathly Hallows Part 2

-Snape vs. McGonagall; I’m torn, because I love the scene in the book where Harry defends McGonagall against the Carrows leading into the scene where she confronts Snape, but I also really love this big dramatic scene in the Great Hall with the “How dare you stand where he stood?” and McGonagall dueling Snape. Alan’s expression as Maggie steps up is PRICELESS.

-Harry and Malfoy in the Room or Requirement; “Why didn’t you tell her? Bellatrix? You knew it was me.” Yeah Warner Brothers, why didn’t he tell her? Gonna maybe follow through with this redemption-arc you seem to be building up? No?? OKAY THEN!!!

-Snape’s death scene. Changing the setting was a stroke of genius. This scene is wonderfully done and we all know it.

-The Prince’s Tale. Okay, I feel like I’m going to take some flak for this. At first, I wasn’t thrilled with how much was cut out of Snape’s flashbacks concerning his friendship with Lilly and their falling out. But when you really think about it, they cut out all of the really gross stuff. For instance, it’s never implied that he enjoys bullying people for fun, he doesn’t call her a mudblood, he isn’t shown being toxic towards Lilly and jealous of James, never has the moment where he asks Voldemort to kill Harry & James and leave Lilly for him, and in general is WAY less problematic than in the books. This might be an instance of a ‘less is more’ win in favor of the film. I know, I’m as shocked as you are.

-Malfoy’s Redemption: So this might be confusing for some folks since this wasn’t in the final cut, but here’s a link for what they originally had in mind for Draco’s redemption arc: https://youtu.be/hS5Z2YbyePg

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I am SO MAD that this was left out of the final cut, since it’s so obviously built up in part 1. Also, it would have been a HUGE improvement on the source material since Draco effectively has NO character growth there. This moment, where he makes a huge stand by yelling “POTTER” (also, GREAT inverse from the way we’ve become accustomed to hearing Draco sneer at Harry by invoking his surname over the years), throws him the wand, and runs back to join the fray, is a great addition to the series. I really wish the filmmakers had stuck with this plan.

 Incredibly long ranting list over.

[blushvy]

Freckles and Transformations: Harry x Reader

*You have a giant crush on Harry (4th year before the tri-wizard tournament, also slight angst)*

“Oh Cho I’m so happy you agreed to get drinks with me,” Harry grinned.

“Oh how could I say no,” You blushed and brushed a piece of hair behind your ear.

“Can I tell you something embarrassing?” Harry was turning red as a Weasley.

“Harry you can tell me anything,” You took a sip of your Butter Beer.

“Well I’ve had literally the hugest crush on you for the longest time..” Harry brushed his hair out of his face and you could see his tomato red face.

“Oh…. um well you see I’m with Cedric so I can’t reciprocate your feelings, bye!” You ran out of The Three Broomsticks and grabbed the clothes you hid behind a garbage bin. You quickly changed and walked back inside. Harry saw you and waved unenthusiastically. You walked up and took off your coat and sat it on the other empty chair.

“Hey Harry, what’s up you look down?”

“Ah it’s nothing Y/n  just some drama,” Harry stared into his drink.

“Well obviously someone else was here.” You gesture to the half full glass, “Maybe it’s something I can help with.”

“Okay… So I asked Cho Chang, you know her right?” You nodded. “Okay so I asked her to come get drinks with me and then I made the idiotic decision to tell her about my crush on her. It didn’t go well.”

*freeze frame* Okay so you’re probably wondering how I got myself into this situation. Well it all started a couple of days ago in the library… “Hey Y/n I was wondering if you could help me with something?” Cho asked lowering her voice. “Um sure Cho what’s up?” “Okay so don’t get mad but Hermione accidentally told me about you being an Metamorphmagus… and I was wondering if you could do something for me as me?” Cho fidgeted nervously. “Goddamnit Mione this is why I didn’t want people to know… what do you want done?” This happened all the time before you came to Hogwarts. “Okay so I need you to turn down Harry for me,” Cho stared at her shoes. “Potter?” She nodded. “Okay fine tell me the situation. But remember in exchange your boyfriend needs to get me access to the kitchens whenever I want.” Cho nodded and smiled. “Thank you so much Y/n!! Okay so the situation is…” And now you’re all caught up!

“Oh Harry she has a boyfriend why would you confess your love to her!?” Your stomach tied in knots as you pretended to be shocked.

“Ron said they weren’t together anymore!” Harry yelled defensively. Everyone stared at us for a solid 10 seconds.

“Good lord Harry calm down,” you reached over to grab his hand, “Let’s go outside.” Harry nodded and the both of you went outside. “Harry I understand you like Cho bu-”

“I don’t just like her Y/n! It’s more than that!” His face was red with anger.

“God Harry I’m sorry I didn’t know you two were so ‘serious’,” you rolled your eyes the best you could with the tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

“Look Y/n I’m sorry for snapping at you but I feel like you’re being ridiculous!” The look on Harry’s face was genuine. As the tears were brimming the edge of your eyelids you wiped them away and started re-buttoning up your coat.

“You know what Harry,” you took a deep breath, “I was trying to help you the best I could. You obviously don’t want my help so I’m going to go hang out with Hermione.” You turned around and started walking back to the castle, desperately wanting to turn around.

You didn’t.

“Oh Mione I don’t know why I even said yes in the first place,” you blabbered as you took a sip of your tea.

“Y/n it’s not entirely your fault,” Hermione explained. “You didn’t want to be rude to Cho, you like Harry so it was obviously hard to do, and afterwards you were genuinely trying to help him,” Hermione smiled and gave you a hug, “It’s going to be okay.”

“I feel so shitty like why did I even agree to do this?” you continued to spiral down a hole of guilt. You looked up at Hermione, “I have to tell him don’t I?” She nodded. Goddamnit I really wish she wasn’t always right.

(About a week later)

Today is the day I tell Harry what I did and make him hate me even more, yay. I walked up to the Gryffindor table and tapped Harry on the shoulder. He turned around his black hair crazy as usual.

“Hey um… can we talk? Privately?” Harry nodded silently and got up and followed you outside. You turned to start to apologize when Harry started before you.

“I’m so sorry Y/n!” Harry look genuinely upset. “I was a total dick I’m so so sorry for the way I acted. I was upset about Cho and I let those feelings get projected onto you.”

“No Harry I’m the one who needs to apologize… I did something I shouldn’t have-” Harry interrupted you.

“No you don’t need to apologize it was all me!”

“Harry let me finish,” He nodded. “About a week and a half ago Cho came up to me in the library,” Harry stared at you obviously confused. “She told me that she knew something about me that only Hermione knew, and she asked me for a favor. She asked me to turn you down as her because she felt bad and didn’t want to hurt you.” Harry gawked at you.

“Y/n I don’t understand wha-” Harry stopped as you transformed into Cho. You looked up to see a hurt and confused looking Harry. “You turned me down and then came back to comfort me…?” You nodded solemnly as you transformed back into yourself.

“Look Harry I’m really truly sor-”

“No Y/n you lied to me and on top of that you’ve kept a huge secret from me for 4 years!” Harry stood up and turned to you. “I’m sorry Y/n but I can’t forgive that,” he stormed off.

“Harry! Wait!” You yelled. You walked back into the great hall as students stared you down.

To be continued

[pekkarolling]

Compiled here is a series of my most notable memories relating to the Triwizard Tournament in 1994-1994. You may noticed that these are written in present tense. The reason for this is that they are adapted from several journals, interviews, and memories of the time, and so may deviate slightly from fact.

I want a scoop.

And he's it.

I can almost imagine myself in the crowded Hogwarts Hall as the flaming blue goblet spits out his name, and all the countries go mad because he's not supposed to exist!

And the speculation is delicious. The Chosen One, chosen yet again--but this time in a special competition! Is he power-hungry? Glory-hungry? Looking to impress a certain young lady? Andhow did he do it? Tricking the age line, a confundus charm...The possibilities are positively endless, I swear, I just need an interview to spice up the story...

Sighing, I look down at the note my boss left on my desk. Try to get the politics of it too, it says. And god, I hate politics--it doesn't sell and unless someone's taking over the world, no one cares. And then politicians--ugh, don't even get me started on politicians. Especially in conjunction with one of the juiciest social events of the year.

For them, it's some trash like international cooperation. I know that's what Fudge thinks it is; he said so himself as "he wiped his sweaty hands down on the sides of his trousers and his eyes darted back and forth" (courtesy of Larissa, my green quilled friend). He didn't appreciate the representation, and neither did my boss, but what can I do? It sold copies, and if there's one thing Rita Skeeter is fabulous at, it's getting readers hooked.

Now all I have to do is hook Harry Potter himself.

****

I'm waiting because Harry Potter, possible egoist that he is, is late. Fleur Delacour is busy flirting with the other Hogwarts champion, and Viktor Krum, like the brooding hero he is, is sitting moodily in the corner. I tap my red nails on the handle of my bag and wait. We have to get this going.

"Ludo, where's the final champion?" I ask impatiently, adjusting my glasses. The portly idiot (lost his career as a Beater, you know, although if you ask me he wasn't all that good) ignores me, instead looking towards the curved archway where the boy should come through any minute. A moment later, he does--short, bespectacled, his hair even messier than his father's used to be. Even from here I can see the striking green eyes that remind me of Lily's...I did a piece on the tragic deaths for the Prophet a couple years ago, and some boy did a drawing of the two of them. Her eyes were the brightest spot in those pictures. Such a shame, really, a tragedy... (we sold more papers that weekend than only a couple in the past few years. It's one of my greatest hits)

Ludo is going up to Harry now. I adjust everything I own to make it look perfect--although I'm already quite close to that goal--carefully folding my magenta robes into place.

"This is Rita Skeeter," Ludo says, and I step off of my stool. "She's doing a small piece on the tournament for the Daily Prophet--"

"Maybe not that small, Ludo," I say, my eyes sweeping over Harry's face. His eyes are shadowed by dark circles--sleepless, much? I wonder what's been keeping him up at night.

Well, now's my chance to find out.

"I was wondering if I could have a little word with Harry before we start? The youngest champion, you know...to add a bit of color?" The fourth champion's face contorts, and I nearly sigh as Ludo asks something to the degree of "yes, but only if he agrees".

"Lovely." I grab the boy's arm and steer him towards my favorite place to go in Hogwarts: the broom closet where I entertained many people with secrets. "We don't want to be in there with all that noise," I say by way of explanation. "Let's see...that's nice and cozy." I open the door to the cupboard and press him in. "Come along, dear--that's right--lovely." I sit myself down on a lovely bucket and start to rummage through my bag for Larissa and some candles to, mm, shall we say shed some light on the subject? It’s easy enough to find both--I’m a stickler for organization, and they’re both in the front pocket. I levitate the candles and light them with a quick swish of my wand. I’m about to get Larissa out when I realize that I have to bloody well get consent for the Quick Quotes quill. Right.

“You don’t mind, Harry, if I use a Quick Quotes quill? It leaves me free to talk to you normally…”

“A--a what?” Poor boy, he looks dumbfounded. I take Larissa out, suck on the tip so my writing voice transmits onto the parchment, and place the parchment down onto a crate. “Testing...my name is Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet reporter.” Larissa starts to churn out the usual stuff--my looks, my age--and so I tear off the top of the parchment and stuff it in the trash pocket of the bag. I really can’t leave my age lying anywhere around--as far as the rest of the world knows, I’m thirty two. Then I wave Larissa into work again.

“So, Harry...what made you decide to enter the Triwizard Tournament?”

He’s staring at Larissa. Not the goal. “Ignore the quill, Harry,” I say, and he relaxes the slightest bit. “Now--why did you decide to enter the tournament, Harry?”

“I didn’t.” Sure. “I don’t know how my name got into the Goblet of Fire. I didn’t put it in there.”

I raise an eyebrow. That’s highly unlikely. “Come now, Harry, there’s no need to be scared of getting into trouble. Our readers love a rebel.”

“But I didn’t enter,” he says, and I glare at Larissa to stop writing that down. “I don’t know who--”

“How do you feel about the tasks ahead? Excited? Nervous?”

“I haven’t really thought about it...yeah, nervous, I suppose.”

“Champions have died in the past, haven’t they? Have you thought about that at all?” I need some drama from him--more than just nerves conveyed awkwardly.

“Well...they say it’s going to be a lot safer this year.” I roll my eyes. I better turn the conversation to his dead parents if I’m going to get anything from this interview at all. “Of course, you’ve looked death in the face before, haven’t you? How would you say that’s affected you? Do you think that perhaps you were tempted to enter the Triwizard Tournament because--”

“I didn’t enter,” he says, his tone tight, and I can barely contain my sigh.

“How do you think they’d feel if they knew you were competing in the Triwizard Tounament?” He doesn’t respond, so I prompt him. “Proud? Worried? Angry?”

His face is contorting, and he glances over at Larissa, and I’m about  to tell him not to when--

“I have NOT got tears in my eyes!” he proclaims hotly, and I’m hurrying Larissa and stuffing the papers into my bag as the door bangs open.

I wait around through a near interrogation from Dumbledore--honestly, the man is a nightmare-- and have Larissa take notes through the weighing of the wands. Then it’s time to get the meat of the story--student interviews. They’re always the ones that know what’s truly going on.

I meet a boy in the hallway and ask him about Harry Potter. The little boy smiles, and I do too.

Oh, what a story this is going to be. I can just imagine...

****

I can't believe I overlooked Cedric and Krum. Harry may be The Chosen One, but these boys scream heartthrob, even when they're sleeping (I would know). Cedric's perfect, chestnut locks and puppy dog eyes are enough to send any girl reeling, and Krum on a broom with that thick, sexy accent will send those reeling girls straight towards them. Plus, both of them are athletes, something everyone likes to hear about.

I could do a quidditch piece on my three male champions, I suppose. Pictures of them standing elegantly by their brooms, talking about why quidditch is important to them, what they do in it, their position, blah blah blah blah blah. Especially after Harry’s success with the first task, and Krum’s Quidditch Cup win this year...it’s almost perfect!

I start to write a killer intro, which, all in all, sounds more lovely than Celestina Warbeck’s rendition of “A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love” when I read it aloud. I’m paging through my notes to find possible quotes when I hear the distinctive clomp of Boss’ boots parading past my office. “Hey!” I call. “Hey, Boss!”

“What is it, Rita?” he grunts, poking a fat head through the door. “Another piece making fun of Dumbledore?”

“No, I--” I smile. I can’t forget to turn on the charm, especially now. “What do you think of a quidditch piece on our three guys?” He doesn’t say anything, and my smile freezes. “Wouldn’t it just be lovely?”

“We need more of the girl, Rita. Get me more of her.”

I rip the beautiful writing out of the typewriter and start over. If he won’t do something that includes seventy five percent of our champions, then I’ll do something that includes none of them. And it’ll still sell, because I overheard something delicious in the Hogwarts courtyard during the Yule Ball.

If Boss won’t go along with my ideas, then I’ll go rogue.

****

Journal Excerpt:

Miss Fleur Delacour is completely boring, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

She's pretty, sure, but she doesn't have any...mmm....star quality. Nothing there is to be said about her is anything anyone but kiddies want to read. She loves her sister? Go to some Muggle family and see that. She's connected to her veela heritage? Wow, great, now can we have some pictures that reveal a little less of the heritage and a little more of her? She is the top student at Beauxbatons? This isn't a trophy room, goddamnit.

And then there's the faded bruises down her arms. I suppose there could be a story made out of the possible abuse, but the funny thing is? It won't sell. No one likes to feel guilty about a hero who's a sex symbol and a half. They just want to... indulge in her.

Maybe I can call up a camera guy so Boss doesn't get on my back for not having stuff on her. But in the meantime, her section in my journal is pretty blank.

I'll just keep selling copies. Tick, tick, tick, down to the wire.

It’s what I do best.

****

A letter from Dumbledore:

Dear Miss Skeeter,

I can assure you that we do not take race and other like considerations into the process of hiring teachers. We judge based on merit alone. I would therefore sincerely ask that you decline from writing any such articles in the future, and to respect the ban from Hogwarts that has been placed upon you. Please also note that I am on good terms with the superiors of your office and can arrange that you be fired if necessary.

Your former teacher,

Headmaster Dumbledore

A letter to Dumbledore:

Headmaster,

I can assure you that I am only looking out for the safety of our youth. You have continually put students under the care of dangerous creatures, such as werewolves and giants, and I know that many will not stand for it. Please note the need for good journalism in today’s society, and for good justice as well. I hope that you consider this as you make hiring decisions for next year.

--Rita Skeeter

Journal Excerpt:

Hermione Granger can go--

Voldemort and Harry’s delusions would have made an excellent story, Boss.

Letter Draft:

Dear Boss,

Please, take me back

I’ve been fired.

[ayyfour-blog]

Wrestlemania 34 preview!

It's been awhile since we've had a blog post, and aside from the NFL off season drama by Le'Veon Bell, my Steelers haven't provided much action (per usual).It's time to transition folks- Yes, this is still primarily a Steelers Blog, but lets not limit it to just that anymore. No, no, it's time for you to hear my random thoughts on ALL sports. Welcome to the new era of the blog. 

Wrestlemania 34 extravaganza!

Wrestling has always been something that kept my interest over the years. As with many others, the Attitude Era captured years of adolescence and teen angst and turned them into something I could really enjoy. Wrestling was an escape I could turn to weekly when I wanted to watch some ridiculousness that was the "male soap opera". Okay, enough defending my inner nerd, let that fucking freak flag fly! Let's get to some wrestling action, Bah Gawd!

Wrestlemania 34 is upon us this Sunday, and like many other wrestling nerds I will happily be playing WWF No Mercy on the N64 at 4pm, turning on the "kickoff show" at 5pm, and my eyes will be bleeding with a pounding headache at 12pm when the Undertaker decides to take step-after-step on a 700 yard ramp that he makes it halfway to the end of before they decide to finally just yell fucking cut and allow me to sleep. I love Wrestlemania and the WWE but this 7 hours worth of a show needs to end. Raw being 3 hours takes up too much of my time at this point, let's cut out the casual eyes matches and just get down to the nitty gritty. Prepare for another rant below..

Remember when wrestling used to have a Win/Loss record? I feel like this was more of something that took place in TNA's heyday, but the WCW really capitalized on Goldberg's streak. I miss that in a way, why can't it be run more like a league? The top record gets the title match. Period. Add some storylines here and there, but just showing up and declaring a title match doesn't cut it for me anymore.  I get it, its storyline and moment driven, but I'm a sports nerd, goddamnit, give me some fucking stats or KISS MY ASSSS! (sorry, having Vince McMahon flashbacks at the moment). If only there was a way the WWE could incorporate both into a show....

This years Wrestlemania actually provides the opportunity to capitalize on the win/loss record, although not quite in the manner I've wished for, as it still mostly revolves around storyline. The win-less Curt Hawkins very well may get his chance to get his first W Sunday, Asuka is looking to defend her streak since her developmental days at NXT, and the Undertaker finally gets a chance to get his final and well-deserved win against John Cena in a dream match. 

The Matches

Womens Battle Royal

This is a Kickoff show special and more than likely will be only paid attention to if it comes down to Sasha vs Bayley. Otherwise, this is second screen viewing while you're finishing up playing video games, Russian roulette, or whatever one does during the pre-game. I also bet we get some shitty "hey Bayley" song going during the match, because the fans will be bored enough from the beach ball by the time the actual showdown occurs. Sahsa wins.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal This is going to be another kickoff show sleeper, Dolph Ziggler has to be pissed to be in this matchup but likely will go over with a win. Big Cass could have an emergence in this match, but it also is likely that we see him as Braun's partner for the WWE Raw Tag Title match. Also very likely to see a Bray Wyatt return, Jeff Hardy (hopefully as brother Nero) return, and Kane. Goldust would be cool to have a Wrestlemania moment after his confrontation with Cena and awesome promos, but.. Matt Hardy Wins.

Cruiseweight championship- Cedric Alexander vs Mustafa Ali One more kickoff show match. I'll be about 6 slices of pizza deep and sicker than hell from all the Oreo's. To be honest, I haven't watched much of the cruiser weights (are they on Raw, Smackdown, or do they still have their own show anyway?). I've heard great things about Mustafa Ali and am going with him because of this. yeah. Mustafa Ali wins.

MAIN SHOW! (THANK GOD)

Raw Tag Title: The Bar vs Braun Strowman and_(?)_

As I stated earlier, I think it would be awesome to give Curt Hawkins a chance to win. The giant wrecking machine takes the guy that can never catch a break, the undersized and underutilized talent in Curt Hawkins and carries him to his first victory. At Wrestlemania. For a title. The pop for this would be unreal, and those two would be completely over for a good while. But this is the WWE, so the other scenario is we get the return of Big Cass. Cass has no story line after Enzo is gone, so let's throw these two giants together and see what happens..

Strowman and Big Cass new champions.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Bludgeon Bros', USO's, Booty O's The Uso's vs the New Day have had classics each time they faced off. It was a complete bummer when the Bludgeon Bros interrupted the last match. I get it- but the WWE is trying to force the Bludgeon Brothers down the throats of the crowd. I get the tactic they've been using for a "slow build", but it's so easy to see this coming when they feed them jobbers week-after-week. They interrupt some of the WWE's premier talent to injure and shake up the tag team scene, however, this team is not over with the crowd and frankly can't keep my interest to watch a match. Especially with the atheletic-ness of the two teams that run the show in Smackdown. Unless they put on some sort of epic and fast beat down, I can't see this team getting over. But its the WWE, it's time for a shake-up, so.. Bludgeon Brothers win

US Title Match- Orton vs Roode vs Mahal vs Rusev Not alot of interest in this match whatsoever. Roode's face personality is about as interesting as Orton's, each made such a better heel. Orton was a complete master of a heel and his program vs HHH was epic when he basically kidnapped the McMahons. Roode was a pretty good heel in NXT and because his music is awesome WWE turned him face. A good song and entrance don't mean shit without character development.. which leads me to Mahal's title run. The build to this was awesome, but the quick escalation and shitty promos led to one of the worst title runs in WWE history. The story lines drew little interest and the story of "we dont like him because he's different" was completely played out. I feel like a face Jinder would actually go over pretty well, in a Rusev sort of way. But he's not Rusev. And never will be. ITS RUSEV DAY! Rusev wins! (exclamation because I'm excited about this one)

Intercontinental Title Match- Miz vs Balor vs Rollins The worst thing about this match was the fact that Rollins lost the gauntlet match that built to this. Seth finally had his chance to completely go over with the crowd since his return vs HHH, but they couldn't capitalize. Speaking of going over, Miz is one of the best heels in the biz. He does not deserve the fate he is about to receive, but I cannot see him coming out of this match the title holder. Which is a shame, he is set to be the longest running IC champ in history, but the kids love Balor Club and Shield T shirts! I really miss heel Rollins, and Balor Club was always a heel faction. Fuck it, turn em all heels! Rollins wins

Raw Womens Championship- Nia Jax vs Alexa Bliss We all know what's going to happen here- Nia is so fucking pissed at Alexa for calling her fat that she disembowels her and gets DQ'ed Alexa wins by DQ, Mickie gives her the "v-trigger" and starts her weird lesbian phase once again.

Smackdown Womens Championship- Charlotte vs Asuka This match will be fucking awesome and should honestly co-main event with Nakamura vs Styles. Charlotte is the best in the game and I really miss her heel run. She was sooo good at being a bitch, and her feud vs Sasha was incredible. I look forward to a great match and cannot wait for this one. The only issue I'm going to have is once Asuka's streak finally gets it's title to show her greatness....

Asuka wins, Carmella cashes in MITB and wins

Yes, Carmella is going to capitalize on the epic match we just saw with a Seth Rollins-esque Wrestlemania cash in

Daniel Bryan and Shane vs Sami and KO This match has had one hell of a build, whoever is writing for Smackdown has something right. No matches have long builds anymore, this has been coming since Sami helped KO at Summerslam by saving him from a Shane Hell in the Cell Elbow-through-a-table-signature-hyphenated-move. I can see Daniel winning and either a heel turn by himself or Shane, leading to a Summerslam feud between Shane-O-Mac and DB. Shane and Daniel win

Rousey and Angle vs Stephanie and HHH Get some popcorn and shotgun a few beers, this is gonna be a shitshow. As you know, Rousey's mic work has been as cringe worthy, if not more so than Kurts. HHH vs Kurt itself would have been a great match, then Stephanie vs Ronda could have been the ultimate popcorn match, but we're getting them both combined for some God-awful reason. Unless Ronda literally breaks Stephs arm in two like she forgot this shit isnt' real, I'm skipping this one. But just for the hell of it.. Ronda breaks Stephanie's arm, Rousey and Kurt win

WWE Title Match- Styles vs Nakamura Dream match for most, but it would be really nice to see what Nakamura is really about in the ring So far there's been a ton of hype and catchphrases and epic intros, but its time to deliver. AJ did it last year, let's bet Nakamura does it this year. Nakamura wins

Universal Title- Brock vs Roman This is the least interesting main even since Goldberg vs Brock's rematch. I barely have any interest and the build to this has been way too predictable. The only redeeming promo so far has been when Heyman told the WWE exactly what Brock thought of everyone, this sets up for an opportunity to turn Roman face, at least for one night, and win the WWE title uninterrupted. And with no more Brock, does Heyman serve as the mouthpiece for Roman? Roman Reigns wins

Other Stuff thats gonna happen.. Kid Rock's being inducted into the WWE hall of fame. I had no reasoning behind this until I realizerd it was a possibility the Undertaker would be back one more time. This sets it up perfectly, Kid Rock comes out, plays a shitty song, gets booed a little, then boom. You hear a couple power cords, Kid Rock screams "I am the American Badass" and you hear a Harley rev up. Yes folks. the last appearance of the Undertaker is the American Badasss. He gets the Win vs John Cena and rides off into the sunset. So that's it. Oh, of course must watch TV comes with the Raw and Smackdown after Mania, so you gotta stayed tuned those next few days to see what major changes the company has in store for 2018. 

In the famous words of D-X, are you ready!?

[userautumn]

Tommy calling Buck “kid” in context of Buck being his Lawyer Apprentice.., do you see the vision?

babe i see the vision so clearly it may as well be tattooed to my eyelids. i didn't finish suits but whatever this is my au, i'm playing with it now.

so we have buck, law school drop-out who, through a little bit of "magic" (hacking, thanks hen) bumps himself up to the top of the list of possible interns out of harvard. he's trying to save money to get his sister out of an abusive situation, and he's terrified because he stopped hearing from her ages ago. he doesn't even know if she's alive at this point, but. he has to try. if nothing else, he has to try and law is kind of the only thing he knows how to do even a little bit, so. here we are. he's hired on as an intern at tommy's law firm and is told he's going to be working under kinard. everyone who says it always accompanies the words with an apologetic little wince which is... not ideal.

apparently kinard is a hardass. he gets results - probably why his firm keeps him on; his close rate is fucking impeccable - but. that's about as far as he goes. buck hears the words "asshole" "motherfucker" and "prick" to describe him well before he meets the man himself. so he's surprised when tommy kinard is... well. unexpected is the only word he can think of. he greets him with a smile and handshake, listens and nods intently when buck speaks, and the man in front of him is SO different from the man buck's built up in his head that he gets a little whiplash. he was expecting some old, white, cocky, alpha male, shithead. what he's not expecting is a gorgeous, attentive, fifty-something who actually looks and talks to him like he's a real person.

buck knows tommy for all of a week before he realizes that every single person in this building, and possibly tommy's entire career field, has gotten him all wrong and he's so fascinated by the man he sees underneath.

tommy is serious and he is intense. those things are all true. but... he's not mean. he's not even unkind. even when buck is late for work. even when he spills coffee on his desk. he waves him off and shushes him when he babbles an apology, for christ's sake. buck has no idea how tommy got this unforgiving and shitty reputation but he's shocked by the fact that he wants to learn. none of it was supposed to last forever. this job was a means to an end, a means to get maddie out of a shitty situation, but. it's more than that now. it's more than that because, when tommy learned what he was trying to do, he wrote him a check to get her on a plane and set up in an apartment (deposit + last month's rent + first month's rent) without batting an eye.

it's more than that because when tommy looks him in the eye and calls him "kid," eyes dark, body so close they may as well be touching, kissing, it sounds like teasing. it sounds like hunger. it's more than that because when tommy calls him "evan," his voice soft and deep and fond, it sounds like it could be so much more.

yeah. yeah.

buck is so. fucking. screwed.