#rita skeeter

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Unless I missed something, it seems you don't have anything about Rita Skeeter in your HP masterposts (other than "what if JKR was Rita").

I'm wondering what you think of her? I feel like I barely even remember her in canon, but fanfic uses her for everything under the sun.

You know, I think you're right anon.

Generally, she's unscrupulous as hell and will do nearly anything to chase down a story regardless of the devastation it may cause an individual (see her roasting a 14-year-old girl in a national paper to people who otherwise would never have heard of Hermione Granger but then only knew her as WHORE, including Mrs. Weasley who for a year thought Hermione was a gold digger), incredibly hard working and ambitious, very thorough with her sources, and has an unfortunate tendency to be... not wrong a lot of the time.

Say what?

Yes, I know, I know, she uses the quotes quill which is clearly intended to exaggerate a person's reactions to whatever she's saying (and infuriate them so they'll say more things to her face while they're flustered) but the woman is meticulous with her sources.

The Dumbledore book was extensively researched, with letter evidence, interviews with everyone Dumbledore had pretty much ever known in his life, and it turns out it's... pretty much... entirely... correct...

We learn that the reason Rita knows all this information she shouldn't is that she's been wiretapping (well, being a bug in a room). And that's the thing, she doesn't make things up, she does put them in the worst/most scandalous way possible (e.g. misconstruing Hermione and Harry's friendship into being romantic and theorizing what Hermione gets out of this relationship) but it's not wholesale made up.

So, I actually like Rita as a character. The woman will ruin you for a story, and is absolutely vicious and manipulative as hell, but she's just so interesting.

(And JKR clearly despises her, to a hilarious degree, Rita represents all of JKR's hatred of the British tabloids in one human form that she calls ugly.)

[marylily-my-beloved]

There are like 4 power couples in hogwarts and let me list them (my hc!):

(just btw these aren't in order lol, just the 4 ships i think are amazing and have amazing power) (also what does power couple rlly mean? im just going of the power bit, so i don't really know)

Quillkiller (rita x bellatrix). Like you don't even need to argue on this omg. Bellatrix is an amazing wizard, and she's so good at cursing people, and imo really protects those she truly loves. Rita is literally the head of that newspaper thingy (The Daily Prophet?), and also you cannot say that she would be the perfect person to stalk the people that Bellatrix wants to hurt...

Next up! Lily x Dorcas, ofc this is both because they are amazing wizarding world figures, and they would 100% be academic rivals in anything and everything. They were literally the most powerful wizards, and everyone knew them just bc of how they made a room change (imo) (did i make this whole post to talk abt them? yes ofc)

Marylene. like this is the Power Couple™ like Mary Macdonald, the party girl, the gryffindor girl everyone knows even though she's not that popular + Marlene Mckinnon, amazing at quidditch and also is amazing at everything!! (GRR I'M JEALOUS OF THESE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS)

Nobleflower. Boom. No need for explanation but I will explain. Alice is also very amazing very strong very wow quidditch girl, who loves gossiping, like will not shut up about other ppl, whether it be good gossip or bad gossip, or even fucking random ass quidditch gossip from her friends on quidditch teams + Narcissa who everyone knows and everyone is so jealous of her "picture perfect" life, and everybody wants to be her, bc honeslty who wouldn't. And also they would both 100% gossip about people while drinking tea (and not eating bagels), and then like go make flower crowns

[maluceh]

Black sisters, and their lovers

[meemoop]

The Interview

He’s NOT whiny. HES NOT.

[corwnvus]

My fav toxic ship!!

Our last dance alone

[herlittlel0ve]

I feel like the Blacks are so completely and possessively in love. They go fucking insane when it comes to the love of their life. Family is one thing, they try to kill each other on the regular but don't you ever lay a hand on the person they love. Bellatrix, Narcissa, Andromeda, Regulus, Sirius. You so much as look at they're significant other wrong and they'll have a dagger to your throat in minutes.

[swiftiereg]

they’re fucking btw

[swag696942069]

Head canon that none of the Black cousins knew how to drive and so their respective partners attempt to teach them and it goes terribly wrong and most likely scares their partners for life.

Like just imagine;

James: Okay love, lightly push the gas pedal to start.

Regulus: Alright!:Absolutely floors it

....

Remus: alright, now what you want to do is make sure you check your mirrors before-

Sirius: I know Moony! Gods, you act like I'm an idiot.:Doesn't pay attention at all and nearly drives into a ditch-

....

Andromeda, already driving: And, which one is the break again?

Ted: *Has a panic attack*

....

Alice: Wow Cissa! You're doing suprising well, considering- :Looks over and notices Narcissa using the rearview mirror to fix her hair,:OH MY GODS, EYES ON THE ROAD!

....

Rita: Trixie, stop someone's trying to cross. Trixie. BELLATRIX STOP- OH MY GODS!

Bellatrix: oops!

[crackishincorrecthp]

Rita Skeeter, in an interview with Harry, 4th year: What do you do for a living? Harry: Well, I'm 14 so... I exist against my will

[in-flvx]

I love Rita skeeter. She tells lies for fun. She talks to the greatest celebrities of her time and goes 'nah, you're boring I have a wayyy better story to tell'. She single handedly drives the propaganda of the Wizarding world in whichever direction she sees fit. She becomes an illegal animagus, presumably on her own. She spies on people with a beetle brain and is able to perfectly transcribe quotes after.

She survives several months of complete isolation, and nobody looks for her. She goes right back to writing stories, good enough to convince a good amount of people of the truth

[hiholahullo]

yooo it's been a while

[iheartmoons]

oi i love name metaphors and meanings. bc like bella is a star, and andy is a constellation/galaxy, while narcissa is a flower. it shows the difference between them, how narcissa is from the earth, so real and tangible while bella and andy are untouchable. and then bella ofc is in constant battles, so ready for war (bellatrix means warrior). ALSO how like bellatrix is known as "the hand of orion", like literally means how she is their right-hand-man. the andromeda constellation is tied down in chains, showing how she's trapped. oh also, the fact that narcissa was named differently shows how the family lost hope. because they were hoping for an heir, so narcissa is their third disappointment, so they stopped caring about who she was (hence, naming her smth random), which relates to the other meaning of her name: numb. and then rita is a pearl which is found in the sea, showing how far from each other rita and bellatrix are. and then lucius means light, and stars emit light. it shows how in order to feel more like her family, narcissa must marry lucius, who's basically adjacent to the blacks. also, light helps flowers grow, so it shows how as cissa grew up, she was dependant on lucius. like, that was her fate and in order to please her family, she needed lucius to marry her. and thats, like, just there for our use.

[overheard-at-hogwarts]

Rita: Certain personalities are attracted to certain professions.

Dumbledore: Do you know what professions psychopaths disproportionately gravitate to?

Rita: Alchemists, Unspeakables, the staff of Hogwarts...

Dumbledore: Number five on the list is Healers.

Rita: I know the list.

Moody: Well then, you know what number six is.

Rita: Journalists. Know what number seven is, Mad-Eye?

Moody: ...Law enforcement.

Rita: Here we are, a bunch of psychopaths helping each other out.

[maluceh]

part 2! based on this tweet

[nothingtoseeherebyeexx]

back by popular demand, fem marauders (and wolfstar)!

(for the second comic, pretend rita skeeter isn’t like 10 years older than the marauders please and thank you)

[incorrect-maraudersaandco-quotes]

Narcissa: You are supposed to bang your fist against mine. Bellatrix: Why? Narcissa: I’m told it is a widely accepted gesture for mutual success. Rita: I love it when you two impersonate normal people.