#godforsaken show constantly on my dash

[cowardstiel]

i think it should be mandatory that everyone watch The Social Dilemma at least once every six months

[eggshellsareneat]

Alright lads, let's talk about the elephant in the room. Geometry Dash 2.2 might be releasing tomorrow.

For my non-geometry dash followers, this godforsaken game is coming up on its 10th anniversary, and has surpassed Six Entire Years since the previous update. The official Youtube channel has released a premier dated for tomorrow at 22:00, has 22 icons on the thumbnail, and a trailer that's 22 seconds long.

Level creator "ilrell" has a video on the "Best Level of Every Month". It shows just how increasingly insane creators have gotten in order to make standout levels. For instance, the best level from early 2.1 is something like Glyph--

Which, I mean yeah, it looks pretty good. It's got some great colours and flashy movements. As a matter of fact, the creator of that level (Optical) would go on to build a career in graphic design.

I mean, hey, let's flash forward to today. Surely levels aren't that different, right? After all, what's releasing right about now?

...oh

If you don't want to click on that video, you're missing out. Cytokinesis is an alien/lab-themed opus themed around controlling two players simultaneously (check the second half of the video!) It's not even the most ambitious level coming out.

I cannot stress enough how completely this game has changed due to the community constantly striving to one-up itself. Want some more? Here's a level made in fourty-eight hours, here's an ori-themed level with a frog at the end, here's a god-damned level layout.

So I'm a bit uncomfortable with 2.2 coming out. As is everyone, I think. Sure, it adds much needed optimizations to the game, and we're all hyped about the brand new "free fly" and "spider orb". But outside of that, it adds enough features to transform the game entirely.

It's a bit unsettling. I've been playing ever since the 2.0 update, and I feel like we all contributed to make the game into what it was. The game wasn't updated in the past six years, but as a community we turned it into our own.

And by that regard, the game being updated feels oddly paternalistic. It feels almost like the developer is coercing a certain style of level and gameplay. It feels like we're being robbed of what made this game so unique.

But on the other hand, this update adds so many new tools to be creative. I've been waiting for the newfangled "spider orb" for YEARS, and we're getting optimizations and increased limits on pretty much everything.

It's an interesting place to be in. I guess we'll find out tomorrow.

[charincharge]

Cruel Summer, Part 6

cruel summer masterlist

AN: Today was ~dramatic~ -- I woke up to learn that someone was posting this fic on AO3 and passing it off as their own. It was a BUMMER, to say the least, and it really threw me off. I haven’t posted fic in a decade, and I was really using this as a fun way to remember how much I loved writing (since doing it professionally can seriously zap the fun out of it). And hearing that someone stole my work made me incredibly upset and feel generally violated. I know it’s just fic, but... I work hard to write it and don’t think it’s too much to ask to receive the credit for it? I hope this chapter doesn’t reflect that because I was really excited for this one! Anyway. TL;DR, I ended up creating an AO3 page, so no one can post FOR me moving forward. I’ve updated my Masterlist page accordingly. And please don’t plagiarize, guys, it’s not cool. Okay. Enough of that negativity. Let’s get back to the important things. Like Rowan.

Rain pelts against Rowan’s window, casting a dark, ominous hue over his bedroom. His first real day off from work, and it’s storming outside, naturally. He’d planned to take it easy and go to the beach, maybe go for a long run. But it looks like that’s not happening now. He knows he’s being punished. This is the universe’s way of intervening and letting him know how shitty he is. Rowan can’t shake the image of Aelin’s hurt face. It is seared into his brain. And there’s only one way to get it out.

Rowan lounges back into his pillows and opens his laptop before typing in Aelin Ashryver into his internet browser. Her Facebook profile pops up immediately, but it’s set to Friends Only, and Rowan definitely isn’t brave enough to add her as a friend. Her Instagram appears next, and Rowan nearly jumps for joy that it’s a public profile.

The first picture is of the back of her head, her blonde hair piled high on top of her head in a messy bun, with tendrils curling around the nape of her neck, overlooking her balcony and the view of the ocean beyond. She’s back, bitches the caption reads, and Rowan can’t help but chuckle. Next is Aelin with her entire family at the head of Ashryver Playland in a picturesque pose with the caption Favorite place with my favorite people (minus @dorhav118 who gets in TOMORROW!!!!). The corners of Rowan’s lips curl downward as his curiosity gets the better of him, and he clicks on Dorian’s profile.

Rowan rolls his eyes at Dorian’s bio: “Hot as a pistol, but cool inside.”

His heart tugs at seeing the first picture. It’s from the pool party the other day, when Aelin was still in her white dress. She’s laughing at something Dorian said, her eyes closed tightly, glass of champagne in her hand, while Dorian smizes into the camera. Reunited and it feels so good <3

“Who kicked your puppy?” Manon asks from the doorway, and Rowan slams his laptop shut.

“No one.”

A wicked grin appears on her face as she stalks into Rowan’s room and slides onto the bed next to him. “I have a pretty good idea.”

Rowan sighs as Manon reaches over and opens the laptop back up, her long nails clacking against the keyboard. “Just as I thought.” She looks Rowan over, from the bags under his eyes to his hair, messy from constantly running his hands through it. “We’re going out.”

Rowan looks out the window at the torrential downpour and gray skies. “Out? In that? Where?”

“I don’t know,” Manon admits, “But I’m not letting you mope and stalk Aelin all day. It’s pathetic, and below you, to be frank. There’s got to be something we can do in this godforsaken town when it rains.”

It turns out there’s not that many options for what to do when it rains in the small beach town. Mostly everything is outdoors or beach oriented. But Manon decides that the aquarium is a good indoor activity, and it happens to be next to a brewery – for when they get bored. The pair Uber there, not wanting to deal with the hassle of worrying about sobering up. If Rowan’s not allowed to mope and be pathetic at home, he’s going to do today right. And do it drunk.

Despite it being one of the few indoor activities available, the aquarium is fairly deserted when Manon and Rowan arrive. It’s dark and damp and cool and strangely soothing, and Rowan lets Manon lead the way. She heads immediately for the reptile room, thrilled to see the alligators and lizards and snakes. Somehow Rowan isn’t surprised by this development.

They branch off into a small Amazon Rainforest room, filled with frogs and fish and even more snakes on low hanging branches, and Rowan nearly jumps out of skin when a large bird caws in his direction.

“I fucking hate birds,” he grumbles as Manon cackles in delight. “Can’t we see… cuter animals? Like, turtles and seals or some shit?”

Manon rolls her eyes and leads him straight to the shark tank. It’s open, so they can lean over it and look at the giant creatures. Rowan grits his teeth, only slightly terrified at the image of the fin cutting through the surface of the water.

“You know what you’re feeling is totally false,” Manon comments casually.

“Huh?” Rowan says, trying to maintain his calm façade.

“Sharks aren’t predators of humans. That’s the Jaws effect in action. It completely changed our perception of sharks and actually sparked a hunting frenzy that has put sharks in danger, even though they were just an important part of the ecosystem. Fuck you, Spielberg.” 

Manon purses her darkly painted lips and twirls her white blonde hair, leaning over the tank further. Rowan shakes his head at his roommate, who looks like she wants to reach into the water and pet the fucking things. He’s never seen her so affected before. 

“Why are you like this?” he asks, and she laughs.

“You’re not thinking about her anymore, though, are you?”

Rowan flicks her off. “I wasn’t.”

“A few more rooms will get you right back to that terrified place and not thinking about her at all. Don’t you worry.” She winks and leads him into an incredibly dark room, which is only lit up with glowing jellyfish. Manon is right, and within a few minutes, Rowan is feeling calm again. He lets the dark and schools of weird underwater creatures soothe him, and after they finish at the aquarium, Rowan is grateful he let Manon drag him out of the house.

“Beer?” she asks, and Rowan nods readily.

“I think I earned it.”

“Shut up, you fucking loved it. Think we should get a fish tank?” she asks, and Rowan shakes his head immediately. Manon is strange enough without tending to creatures from the deep in their apartment.

They brave the rain, realizing they both forgot umbrellas, and make a mad dash down the street. Rain soaks Rowan’s shirt, but he feels light. They duck into the brewery, and Rowan shakes out his hair, spraying water all over Manon, like a wet dog. He’s never seen her look so horrified.

“You’re lucky I set my makeup, so it’s immoveable every day,” she says with narrowed eyes. “First round’s on you, asshole.”

Rowan orders them two beers fairly quickly, despite the brewery being packed with patrons (he guesses this is where everyone goes when it rains). But when he turns around to hand Manon her drink, he’s surprised to see her mid-conversation with the very last person he wants to see.

“Rowan!” Dorian calls him over with a wide smile, and Rowan grimaces as he joins them. “I was just introducing myself to your stunning roommate,” Dorian says, and Manon rolls her eyes. But Rowan knows she’s beaming internally with the praise. Manon knows she’s beautiful and doesn’t let anyone forget it, despite her lack of interest in men.

“Uh, hey, Dorian, right?” Rowan says, pretending like he wasn’t just browsing the man’s Instagram profile merely hours ago.

Dorian laughs heartily. “Rowan, come on. We’re friends. Any friend of Aelin’s is a friend of mine.” He grins again, and Rowan can’t help but stare at his incredibly white teeth. He wonders if he whitens them. He must, because no one’s teeth are that naturally white. Or straight.

“Come sit with us!” Dorian points to their table where Aelin sits with the same two people from last night.

“Sure!” Manon says, the same time Rowan says “NO!” emphatically.

“Come on,” Dorian pleads. “We have a big table, and the place is packed. You’ll be lucky to find standing room otherwise. Please, Aelin would be horrified if I let you leave without saying hi.”

Rowan’s stomach churns, but he feels trapped. He can’t say no. “Lead the way,” he says, and Dorian smiles another blinding smile.

“Great.”

He leads them to their table, and to say that Aelin looks shocked to see Rowan approach would be an understatement.

“Look who I found!” Dorian exclaims, gesturing to Rowan and Manon, who stand next to the table awkwardly. “Chaol, Nesryn – these are two of Aelin’s friends, Rowan and Manon.”

The brunette dude, Chaol, gives Rowan a tight smile and short head nod, but the woman, Nesryn, stands and shakes both their hands politely.

Rowan and Manon slide into the two empty seats, and of course Rowan is directly across from Aelin. She looks at him curiously as he takes a large sip of his beer.

“So, how do you know Aelin?” Chaol asks, breaking the awkward silence.

“Rowan works at the park,” Dorian explains. “And Chaol is Aelin’s ex-boyfriend and my other best friend,” Dorian chuckles.

“It’s not as awkward as it sounds,” Chaol says with a laugh.

Aelin squints her eyes and looks at Chaol. “Mmm… it kind of is.”

Manon snorts. “You’re a handful, aren’t you?” she says, leaning toward Aelin, and Aelin flips her golden hair over her shoulder and shrugs.

“Two handfuls, thank you very much,” she says and feels herself up, showing how her chest spills over her hand, too much for one to grasp fully.

“Aelin!” Chaol chides, and Rowan can feel heat creep up the back of his neck as he stares at Aelin’s ample cleavage as she lifts it up.

Dorian cackles, his laugh piercing through the room as he tips his head back. He reminds Rowan of Manon when he does it, so amused with others’ discomfort.

Rowan glances back at Aelin’s chest, and when he looks up, she’s staring back at him, one brow raised in question. He immediately finishes the rest of his beer, downing it in one gulp.

“I need more beer. Anyone else?” Rowan asks, and to his surprise, Chaol stands and offers to come with him.

The pair stand side by side at the bar, waiting for their drinks, and Rowan is unsure of what to say to his current crush’s former paramour.

“So…” Chaol begins, and Rowan cocks an eyebrow at him as he leans against the bar. “You were at The Mason Jar last night,” Chaol says, naming the dive bar where he’d met up with the guys the night prior. “Aelin booked it to the bar when she saw you,” Chaol continues. “You guys, like, a thing?” he asks, curiosity seeping through his anything but innocent question.

“What?” Rowan says, bowled over. “No. Uh. Not at all.” Rowan is more than flustered. “I thought she and Dorian were…”

And at that Chaol tips his head back and guffaws. A deep, full-body belly laugh, erupts from his mouth. “Dorian?” he gapes, his brown eyes wide with disbelief. “And Aelin?” He shakes his head. “No. No no no. Never.” Chaol pauses. “They kissed once when they were thirteen, but other than that. No. Dorian is her person. Which is why it could never work between us, even though we tried for five fucking years,” he sighs and scratches the back of his neck uncomfortably. “But, no. They’re definitely not.” Chaol looks at Rowan, and Rowan feels like he’s seeing through him completely. Chaol smiles softly. “You really thought? Hmmm.”

Rowan is stunned. Seriously stunned. He has no idea how to react. Or how to process this new information. Dorian and Aelin are not dating? They’re just… friends? So, Aelin is available? And has been flirting with Rowan for the past week, and Rowan just shot her down? Rowan rubs his forehead with his hand, which he thinks is the only thing stopping him from banging his head against the bar in shame. Rowan is an idiot.

An idiot who needs to apologize to Aelin. Immediately.

“This was, uh… enlightening,” Rowan says as he accepts his drink from the bartender, and Chaol can’t help but laugh again.

“Did you do something stupid?” he asks cheekily.

“So stupid,” Rowan says, shaking his head.

“Yeah, she was kind of in a mood after she came back from talking to you,” Chaol says, and Rowan groans. Chaol holds up his hands in surrender. “Just trying to help!”

Rowan turns to him fully and examines the brunette with his concerned brown eyes and has to ask, “Not to be rude, but why?”

“Because Aelin deserves to be happy,” he says resolutely. “And I kept her from being happy for a really long time because I’m a selfish bastard,”Chaol admits way too freely. “But, how could I not?”

“You still love her,” Rowan says, and Chaol shrugs.

“I think once you love Aelin you always love her. For better or worse.”

Rowan motions to the table. “I’m gonna…”

Chaol smirks. “Yeah, get to it.”

But back at the table, Aelin and Dorian are nowhere to be found. Manon sighs, obvious to Rowan’s distress.

“She went to sign up for karaoke.”

“Oh no…” Rowan groans.

“Oh, yes,” Aelin says, bounding back to the table, exuberant.

“Don’t worry. I signed you up, too, Rowan,” Dorian says with a grin.

Aelin frowns, her eyes filled with apology. “I told him not to.”

Dorian rolls his eyes. “And I told her that if Rowan wants to hang with us this summer, he’s gotta get initiated.”

“It’s fine,” Rowan says, smiling in what he hopes is a nice and not creepy way to Aelin. She looks momentarily confused, but she doesn’t have time to think about it because she’s called up to do her song with Dorian almost immediately.

The pair sing “Shallow” flawlessly. And now that Rowan knows they aren’t dating, he can see their friendship all too clearly. Aelin and Dorian love each other fiercely; their passion rages through everything they do, but it lacks a spark. It’s platonic, Rowan finally realizes. He’s been such a fucking fool.

Rowan’s name gets called next, and his stomach is is knots, wondering what song they’ve chosen for him. When he gets to the front, though, he nearly laughs. They’ve chosen a song he could sing with his eyes completely closed.

Shorty get down, good lord… baby’s got ‘em up all over town…

Strictly biz she don’t play around, cover much ground, got game by the pound

Getting paid is her forte

Each and every day, true player way

I can’t get her out of my mind

Think about the girl all the time…

He knows the song is comeuppance for calling Aelin friendly last night, but he crushes it nonetheless, singing his heart out, performing for the masses. When Rowan finishes, the crowds go wild, applauding like crazy.

He sees Aelin bolt from the table before he can get back off the stage, and decides to follow her. She heads down the long hall back to the bathrooms, and his long stride helps him catch up quickly.

“Aelin!” he shouts, and he’s grateful that she pauses, but her arms are crossed over her chest, a clear defensive stance that tells him to keep his distance.

“What?” she snips, obviously pissed. They haven’t actually interacted with each other since last night, and Rowan knows she has every right to be angry with him. “I thought you wanted nothing to do with me? What are you even doing here, Rowan?”

“I’m an idiot,” he blurts out, and he can see Aelin’s face morph from pissed to amused. She bites her lip to hold back her smile.

“I mean, I know that, but why do you think that?” she says, her blue gold eyes glowing with challenge. He takes a step closer to her, and she backs up until she can’t back up anymore, pressed against the side of the hall. He pauses his approach, not wanting to make her feel cornered. If she wants space between them, he’ll let her have space.

“I was so out of line last night,” Rowan apologizes. “You were right. You were just trying to be friendly. I was being a dick. I thought…” Rowan pauses. He doesn’t want to be this tongue tied, but she flusters him, and he can’t get anything out how he wants to. “It’s not harassment when I want to be touched. By you.”

Aelin’s eyes narrow. She looks suspicious as she examines him. 

“I knew I was good at karaoke, but damn, I didn’t anticipate this kind of turnaround…” Aelin smirks and takes a breath, and Rowan risks taking another step forward. She holds up a hand and presses it against Rowan’s chest. He didn’t realize how close he’d gotten to her. Warmth from her palm seeps through his shirt, and he breathes heavily. She looks up into his eyes with curiosity.

“Seriously, what changed your mind?” she asks.

“If I say Chaol’s name right now it’s just going to make things weird,” Rowan says, dipping his head slightly, and he can’t help but notice her tilt her head up to him. He zeroes in on her lips, leaning down to get even closer.

“You’re right,” she says with a soft laugh. “You were still a jerk.” Her eyes flick to his lips, and Rowan darts his tongue out to wet them. 

“I know,” he breathes softly. “And I mentioned I was an idiot, right?”

Aelin nods and leans in to close the gap between them, the charge, the magnetism between them now palpable, strumming through Rowan’s body, pulling him downward. 

“Hey guysss,” Dorian drawls as he walks past them quickly, and Rowan straightens up suddenly. Aelin darts under his arm, freeing herself from being backed into the wall. He sees her take a large breath. “I was wondering where you’d gone.” Dorian looks between them, and then grabs his stomach. “I have to pee so bad. Don’t mind me!” He continues down the hall. “As you were!”

Rowan goes to finish his apology, but the moment is gone, and so is Aelin. He needs a moment to compose himself, and when he makes it back to the table, she’s already deep in conversation with Manon and Chaol and Nesryn about the latest karaoke performance. Apparently in his absence someone murdered “Bohemian Rhapsody” and not in a good way. But Aelin acknowledges Rowan’s presence with a flash of a smile, despite not breaking her conversation.

Manon side eyes Rowan suspiciously, and Rowan brushes her off. He’s not ready to talk about whatever just did or did not happen in that hallway.

Their chatter is aimless but pleasant as afternoon bleeds into evening, and eventually they all decide to disperse and head home. Rowan never gets a chance to speak to Aelin alone again, but when he and Manon are in their Uber heading home, his phone flashes with a Friend Request from Aelin Ashryver.

“Hmm,” Manon hums pointedly as Rowan bites back a smile. He spends the rest of the night in bed, scrolling through Aelin’s social media. As he’d originally planned to do with his day. Only now, he doesn’t feel as mopey or pathetic. He lets the rain, still relentless, lull him to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~

let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters – ask me HERE

tag list:

@thewayshedreamed​

@b00kworm​

@alifletcher2012​

@aknymph​

@the-third-me​

@mymultiversee​

@superspiritfestival​

@empress-ofbloodshed​

@http-itsrebecca​

@queen-of-glass​

@but-she-was-aelin-galathynius​

@westofmoon​

@rowaelinforeverworld​

@iliketoasterstrudels​

@bamchickawowow​

@hizqueen4life​

@faerie-queen-fireheart​

@giorgia-the-trashpanda​

@acourtofmoonlight​

@m-like-magic1​

@rolltide7​

@wordsafterhours​

@amren-courtofdreams​

@alserath​

@tswaney17​

@jesstargaryenqueen​

@joyceortiz13​

@itsme-malin​

@aesthetics-11​

@keshavomit​

@yingyingbearbear

@alxanxah​

@but-she-was-aelin-galathynius​

@minaidss​

@meowsekai​

@deepdarktrashhole​

@samotita​

@in-love-with-caramel-macchiato​

[mashtonasfuck]

I was at work when Ash posted this, and came out of work to see the notif and then proceeded to sit in my car sobbing for 20 minutes. This man, and this band are my lifeline. I’ve never told y’all my story about how I found 5 Seconds of Summer, but now seems like a good time. I’ll put it under the cut so it doesn’t clog up your dash.

I found Luke around the 14th of March 2011. I was 14. He’d posted his cover of ‘Fireflies’ by Ron Pope a few days before, and there was just something about it that I couldn’t get out of my head. At the time I didn’t think much of it (this was pre-youtube account) and I kept checking back every now and then to see if he posted anything else. In April of that same year, Mike and Cal uploaded a video introducing them as a three piece under the name of ‘5 Seconds of Summer’ - they did a few more covers, most of the time with only two of them lmao, and I kept checking back to see what they were posting. Ash joined them in December 2011 and they became a four piece.

When they uploaded the video for ‘Teenage Dirtbag’, I knew that I wanted to keep watching their content as there was just something I still couldn’t shake. The energy with the four of them had shifted somehow from just being the three of them, and it kept me interested.

They toured a lil bit of Aus in 2012, and I spent my days on Youtube watching shitty videos of them playing songs they’d written themselves rather than covers. They then revealed that they were releasing an EP later in the year. They dropped ‘Unplugged’ in June 2012 in Aus and NZ and I remember being super sad that I couldn’t buy it in the UK yet. It was released WW in December 2012, and you bet your ass I bought an iTunes voucher so I could buy it (remember iTunes vouchers?? Those were the days, RIP iTunes). They moved to London at the end of that year. I remember seeing a video someone uploaded of them doing an impromptu session playing in a park in London and being so sad that I wasn’t there to see them. They did some small intimate shows in the UK while they were over here, but I never got to go to any of them.

In early 2013 they started touring with 1D, but again I never got to see them. I LIVED for the shitty videos people were posting on Youtube of their performances, and I was desperate to see this band I’d become so obsessed with following.

On the 24th of February 2014, they uploaded the video for ‘She Looks So Perfect’ on Youtube. It was at this point that my friends at school became aware of them and started following them, despite me telling them for years that this band were awesome (teenagers, am I right?). On the 27th of June 2014, they released ‘5 Seconds Of Summer’ out into the world. I was 17 years old.

At 17, I was struggling with A LOT. My grandad was very ill, my friends turned out to not be my friends, and it’s probably one of the loneliest periods I’ve ever had in my life. I’d experienced what I thought was heartbreak, and their self-titled album was everything I needed at that time in my life. I finally saw them on the 5th of June 2015. I got to spend two hours in a room with my four favourite people in the whole world. I have a video of them playing ‘Everything I Didn’t Say’, and all you can hear is me sobbing in the background lmao.

Walking out of that venue, I knew my life would never be the same.

I was pretty active on social media at this point, as were the boys, and seeing the stupid things they got up to on Keek and Twitter genuinely made my days so much brighter.

As we all know, ‘Sounds Good Feels Good’ was released on the 23rd of October 2015. I was 18, my parents had just split up, my grandad had died and I felt like the whole world was out to get me. I fell into a period of intense depression and did some things I’m not proud of, and I honestly didn’t see a way out. Then SGFG came along. That is the album that quite literally saved my life. Listening to the four people I admired most in the whole world singing lyrics about things I was going through, being the same age as me, was totally overwhelming. I don’t remember my first listen through of that album - what I do remember is the way that it changed my whole world view.

They understood exactly how I felt, down to the last detail. To this day I have to leave Broken Home and Invisible off of playlists because they jolt me back to a time in my life that I don’t ever want to experience again. That whole album was my saving grace for a long time. I’m eternally grateful to them for releasing it when they did, as I’m gonna be straight up and say that I might not have been sat here typing this today.

I went to their show for the SLFL tour on the 8th of April 2016. I spent most of that night crying my eyes out and getting weird looks from the people around me, but I didn’t care. This was my band, and they were playing the songs that literally saved me. The SGFG era was emotionally draining for me for a long time, and it took me a while to be able to listen to most of the album again as it just felt so raw.

When they took time off to rejuvenate themselves before album three, I was worried. For the last 6 years this band had been what kept me waking up each morning. The lack of content was freaking me out and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. My mental health was on its way down again and I found myself going back to old patterns.

At this point, I’d been in a relationship for almost three years, was engaged, and was living with my then SO. I thought everything was perfect, I had the life that I wanted with a man that I thought I’d be with forever.

In February 2018 they released ‘Want You Back’, and I loved it, but didn’t have the connection with it like I did with SGFG. I missed out on tickets for the 5SOS III Tour (and may have cried about it, but it’s fine), but bought tickets for the Meet You There Tour before they even released the album. This was my band, of course I was going to see them.

When ‘Youngblood’ dropped, I had a day off from work. I set my stereo system up, and lay on my living room floor with the speakers around me in a circle. I wanted to feel the new album, not just listen to it (weird, I know). Want You Back and Youngblood were fine, but then we hit Lie To Me.

‘I know that you don’t, but if I ask you if you love me, won’t you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie to me?’

I genuinely felt all of the breath I had in my lungs, vacate. I’m gonna be straight and say that I hadn’t been happy in my relationship for a while despite what I said above - my partner was emotionally abusive, and the warning signs were clear, I just didn’t want to see them. That one line haunted me every time Luke sang it, but I let it play through and moved through the rest of the album. When it finished, I let it play through again. I let those lyrics flow through me, and by the time it got round to Lie To Me again, I was sobbing. Once again, these boys knew exactly what I needed to hear, at the exact time in my life that I needed to hear it. It took me seeing them again in November of last year to make a change in my life.

If you’ve been around for a little while, you’ll know that I’ve shared my Meet You There Tour story before, but if you haven’t read it, you can find it here. I stood at the back of the O2 Academy in Birmingham, a year ago tomorrow (1st of Nov) and cried. Listening to my boys sing those songs in person absolutely broke me, and made me realise that I wasn’t happy in my relationship. I left that show heartbroken, and overwhelmed, and honestly exhausted, but I drove back home and spent the next two months trying to fix the relationship I was so unhappy in.

I thought I’d made progress, but after Christmas of last year, everything fell back into old patterns and enough was enough. Watching my ex-partner walk out of the front door was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’d taken the plunge, but I was broken. I moved back in with my mum in January of this year, which has been incredibly stressful (that’s another story lmao), but the one thing that has kept me going is these four boys.

Ashton is always the one that I feel the most connected with - I don’t know if it’s because he’s the oldest and people usually think I’m a lot older than I am, but his life philosophy and his attitude towards the things which make him a better person, inspire me every day. Whenever I’m having a shitty day, he always seems to put out a Tweet which says exactly what I need to hear. His love for us keeps me going every day, and I strive to be even half the person that he is. He does so much for us, and I thank God every single day he biked halfway across Sydney to attend that first band practice as a four-piece.

Their music makes me feel a lot less lonely, in a world that hasn’t always been the kindest to me. Because of them, I’ve met some of the coolest people on the planet through this godforsaken website, and the existence of these people in my life makes me excited to wake up each day.

This Tweet from Ash tonight reminded me exactly why I stayed with this band way back in 2011. Their passion for their art inspires me every single day and I am constantly in awe of the way they continue to push themselves and their performance.

I am not the same person I was at the start of the year. ‘Youngblood’ has helped me reinvent myself into the person I’ve always wanted to be. I’m so much stronger than I ever thought possible, and I’ve only realised that because of four dorks from Sydney that told me it’s okay to be whoever you want to be.

I will forever be grateful for their music, their passion, and their presence on this Earth. I’ve never stuck with any artist as long as I’ve stuck with this band, and I would not change that for the world.

Thank you 5SOS, for always being there for me, even if no one else was. I love you guys.

[choiceswreckedme]

Better Than Me - Chapter One (Drake x MC)

Book: The Royal Romance (semi-AU)

Rating: M for language

Length: 1278

Summary: Drake Walker knows he’s not good enough for MC (Annie Hartford). Now he just needs to convince her of the same.

Author Note: I used TRR as inspiration, obviously, but this story strays pretty far from canon Drake x MC. Starts with some of the events from Book One, goes through what we know of Book Three, then beyond. Rated for language and (eventual) sexy times.

Drake gaped at Annie as she stumbled through the snow-covered clearing outside the Nevrakis estate. He’d needed to get away from Olivia before saying something he would truly regret - that bitch never knew when to stop needling him - and left the manor hoping to clear his head, to cool down a bit. Now, his hopes were dashed as he watched Annie stride toward him.

“What the hell are you doing out here, Hartford?”

He tried to keep the exasperation out of his voice, but damn, this girl would not leave well-enough alone. She was constantly pushing, challenging, making him face the things he wanted to escape. He wanted to dislike her, truly. It would be so much easier if he could just write her off as another of Liam’s suitors, gone after the social season. Instead, she’s wormed her way into the Prince’s heart and Drake’s afraid he may be stuck with her; stuck with her sassy comebacks, and her persistent questions, and her gorgeous, chocolate eyes that he nearly falls into every time she looks his way. Yeah. He really wished he disliked her.

“I came to find you, Drake. What were you thinking, storming off without a coat when there’s a storm coming? That’s stupid and pigheaded, even for you.”

Her cheeks were flushed from the cold, her breath coming out toward him in steamy little puffs as she ranted. The fashionable, camel-colored coat she sported wasn’t going to keep out the snow any better than his worn chambray shirt. As he evaluated her lack of cold-weather gear, Drake realized she was still spouting off.

“ . . .and I swear, if Olivia doesn’t keep your name out of her mouth, I’ll smack it outta there myself.” She finished with a huff and crossed her arms, glaring at him where he stood. She was pretty cute when she was all worked up, although he’d never tell her that. Instead, he schooled his expression into one of disdain before replying.

“Well, you found me, Hartford. I’m fine, and you can go back to Liam and your little fan club and leave me to be pissed off in peace. I don’t need you to fight my fucking battles for me, okay?” His tone is harsh, sharper than he meant it to be, but he really needed this girl to stay away from him. Drake watched the hurt flash in Annie’s eyes and felt a pang of remorse. He hadn’t set out to be such a dick to her, it just happened. And, if he was honest, it was easier to keep his feelings for her tightly under wraps if she was continuously pissed off at him. 

Annie reached out with both hands and furiously shoved Drake back, catching him off guard. He fell backwards onto the snowy ground, sitting down hard, while Annie seethed above him.

“God, you just can’t be civil, can you, Drake? What the hell did I do to you to make you hate me so much? I try to be nice, I try to show you that I’m not just some . . . some . . . crown chaser, that I care about you, and you - you -” 

Annie’s voice broke and tears flooded her eyes, leaking over her lashes to course down her smooth, tanned cheeks. Drake scrambled to his feet. This wasn’t how he’d wanted this to go. He wanted to make her angry, make her want to stay away from him; he never wanted to hurt her. “God, Hartford, I’m sorry,” Drake lamented, reaching out a hand to her. Even crying, she was beautiful.

She peered at the hand he offered to her, then gazed up into his eyes. Tears still ran down her face as she whispered, “Why do you try so hard to push me away, Drake?” Annie stepped toward Drake and, for once, he stood still, letting her come near him. Grasping the hand he held out, she laced her fingers through his, causing a tingle of excitement to rush through Drake. He knew he should stop this, was sure that nothing good could come out of getting close to Annie Hartford. She had the power to destroy him, and he could never let her know how he truly felt about her, that she was his one weakness in this godforsaken court. She was nearly toe-to-toe with him, and from there he could see the flecks of burnished gold in her irises. Silently, Drake raised his free hand to Annie’s face, wiping her tears away with his thumb. They stood together in the wintry air, eyes transfixed on one another’s faces, unspoken words hanging between them. 

Drake swallowed hard. He knew what he should do. He should let Annie go, tell her to return to the manor and be with Liam and their friends. He couldn’t let himself do the things he wanted to do, feel the things he was starting to feel. She was here for Liam, not for him. Drake Walker could never be enough for a woman like Annie. He was nobody, a poor commoner to whom Liam felt obligated. Annie was brilliant, beautiful, the brightest spot of hope that any of them had seen in years. She could change this country for the better, and Drake refused to be the one who prevented that from happening. 

Summoning all his willpower, Drake dropped his hand from Annie’s face and stepped back, releasing her hand and crossing his arms against his chest. He fixed his face into an impassive expression, his protective stance helping to keep his emotions at bay. 

“Don’t be so dramatic, Hartford, I’m not pushing anyone away. All I care about is that Liam is happy, and you being out here with me isn’t going to make that happen. So do me a favor and go back inside to the man you’re in love with.”

His words made him physically sick. He hated the idea of sending Annie into Liam’s arms, which made him hate himself for falling for his best friend’s woman.  Annie sucked in a breath as though Drake had actually hit her. Fresh tears pooled in her eyes and her mouth opened to respond. Drake steeled himself for whatever Annie would say next; however, nothing prepared him for the words she uttered:

“I’m not in love with Liam. I’m in love with you, you jackass.”

Annie spun away from Drake and trudged through the snow back toward the estate, leaving Drake staring, dumbfounded, behind her. He brought up a hand, scrubbing it over his face as her words sunk in. This was not how things were supposed to go. He could live his life quietly in love with Annie, as long as she was happy with Liam. But this, this was . . . disastrous. Drake knew he would ruin Annie’s life if he let her in, let her get too close. She had conjured up some image of Drake in her mind, seeing something in him that just wasn’t there, and once she found out who he really was . . .

No. Drake couldn’t bring himself to imagine that spark inside her, the fire that made her so strong, so wonderful, so Annie, dying because of his own inadequacies. He resolved himself to do everything he could to stay away from her, to make her realize how much more she deserved. She was actually worthy of being Liam’s queen, unlike the rest of the women clamoring for his affections. Annie deserved the world, and Drake vowed to make sure she got it. 

He just had to make her realize how worthless he actually was.

Chapter Two

[accio-infinity-stone]

Personalised Imagine #3 - Newt Scamander

Soooo here’s another personalised imagine. This one is for @omgunicornsarebae. I am so so sorry about how long this took to write. Thank you so much for requesting it and I hope you enjoy it.

If Newt had a sickle for every time his pesky niffler got him into trouble, he swore he’d be rich by now. The troublesome creature had gotten away after seeing a particularly shiny coin roll into an alley. Not just any alley. Knockturn Alley. Newt, of course, had to run after him despite all of his senses yelling at him not to go into the infamously dangerous street. He knew that if he wasn’t there to stop the beast, he would undoubtedly get himself into trouble.

Newt sprinted down the alley after the niffler, wand and case in hand and coat flapping behind him. He finally cornered the bothersome creature at the end of an alley.

“You have nowhere to go now, so just come here.” Newt said, calmly while inching closer. “You’ve got what you wanted, now go back into the case and I can fix this cursed lock so this won’t happen again.” The creature, unsurprisingly, refused to come. Newt huffed silently to himself while he crouched low so as not to look menacing and maintaining eye contact with the animal. The niffler, quite uniquely, responded quite well with constant eye contact. Newt prayed silently that the creature stayed as still as he was now, looking right at Newt and panting heavily.

Suddenly, a loud crash sounded from somewhere and the niffler took off again. Newt pursed his lips and dashed off after him. After a while of turning around steep corners and avoiding the grasping hands of shifty-looking strangers, Newt saw the niffler run into a dark shop. Stopping right before the entrance, Newt wondered whether this was a good idea. Which it most likely wasn’t, but he wasn’t going to leave one of his beasts in this godforsaken place to be sold for parts.

Taking a deep breath, he entered into the shop, finding it empty. There wasn’t even a counter for a cashier to stand behind, it was simply filled with mysterious looking artefacts. Perhaps this was some sort of galley? Trying to contain his curiosity, Newt kept his steps light on the creaky floorboards as his eyes searched the place. His gaze finally landed on the familiar glossy fur of the niffler. He was trying to lift something particularly shiny.

His shoulders slouching in relief, Newt walked over to the distracted creature. He picked him up from behind and pulled him away from the desired treasure, placing him back into the case after a strict reprimanding. Standing back up again, he took a closer look at what had attracted the niffler’s attention out of so many other options. It was a hand mirror.

As he looked at it more carefully, Newt noticed that it wasn’t particularly shiny, that it was just the reflection against the glass that made it seem so at first. It had quite a plain, wooden frame around the circular glass. He pondered over why it had caught the greedy little beast’s eye. Surely there were other, more jewel studded objects in the room. Newt went to hold the object, but the second he touched it a burning sensation covered his hand, making him yelp in pain. The feeling spread over his entire body, making him crumple to the ground.

Suddenly, the burning disappeared. Releasing a shaky breath, Newt rose with shaky hands. Only to find himself not in the same room as before. He was in a small room with dull blue stalls and strange half cup looking things attached to the walls which were all white. All of Newt’s instincts sharpened as he steadied his wildly beating heart. Has he been kidnapped perhaps? Wherever he was being held, he could get out, he would get out. Newt walked tentatively to the only door in the room, finding it to be open. Slowly creeping it open, he peeked his head out.

He was greeted with the sound of talking and laughter, mixed with the aroma of warm food and drinks. Frowning in confusion, he stepped out slowly, walking towards the sounds. He entered into a large room, filled with people sitting at tables or standing and talking. Some wearing witch and wizard fashion and some wearing what he could only assume was muggle fashion, though he had never seen any muggles wearing what the ones here wore.

No one seemed to take much notice of Newt as he wandered over to an empty table near the back. Everyone seemed to be waiting for something. Newt guessed that the mirror he had touched was some portkey that transported him here. Not that he knew where ‘here’ was. A loud voice suddenly called for silence and the chatter slowly dwindled.

There was an air of excitement as a large, round man behind the bar introduced someone called Y/N. Newt watched intently as you walked into the room, a loud cheer accompanying your entrance. Newt’s had to admit, you were quite attractive. He watched curiously as you climbed to stand on the bar, ukulele in hand and short, bright pink hair shining.

“Ladies and gentlemen! Witches and Wizards! I welcome you all to Harry Potter night!” You exclaimed, eyes sparkling with excitement behind your glasses. A cheer went through everyone in the bar. Newt furrowed his brows confusedly. Who was Harry Potter? “And as every night, we’ll start with a song. Tonight, the song will not be by me.” A series of boos echoed from the crowd. “Oh quiet down, it’s by Jon Cozart and I think you all know it.” You said, wiggling your eyebrows at the crowd. You strummed the first few notes on your ukulele and then the whole bar filled with song. Everyone knew it apparently.

“There once was a boy named Harry

destined to be a star.

His parents were killed by Voldemort,

who gave him a lightning scar…”

The song continued to describe someone named Harry Potter’s life with people called Ron, Hermione, Tom Riddle, Edward Cullen. Dumbledore was also mentioned, leading Newt to believe that perhaps this was a historic song, and if so, why hadn’t he learnt about it in Hogwarts?

For the rest of the night, Newt continued to sit at the back as he watched extraordinary moving pictures, listened to dramatic readings of books, watched as people took part in something called a ‘trivia night’. All these things seemed to be centred around this Harry Potter person. Newt assumed that this was some fictional tale as there was no way he could have not known about this if it was historically true.

Throughout all this, his attention seemed to be drawn to you. He found himself enjoying watching you interact with everyone, a smile constantly on your face. Everyone seemed to brighten when they talked to you, you seemed to be quite outgoing, funny and, quite frankly, adorable.

Newt couldn’t help but smile as he saw how much energy was in such a small body. You were a ball of brightness with your short, pink hair, shining eyes and the ability to make people laugh, if not through your words then through the many silly faces you tended to pull. He still had no idea where he was but Newt felt safe and calm in this space, even though he made no move to interact with anyone. The place seemed to have a welcoming aura.

After a few hours, people started to leave until it was just you, Newt, the bartender and a few other people scattered around at the tables. He suddenly felt his case shake and one of the locks snapped open.

“Oh no you don’t.” Newt muttered as he rested the case on his lap and closed the latch. When he looked back up you were standing before him.

“Wow,  you have a brilliant costume! You know, I told them to put on the Fantastic Beasts movie but there wasn’t enough time in the end.” You said, shaking your head. Newt frowned in confusion, opening his mouth to ask what you meant. “May I sit here?” You asked, gesturing to the seat across from him.

“Ah, yes, of course.” He said while looking down at the table. You slid into the seat and leaned forward, pushing your glasses up.

“Hi, I’m Y/N.” You said, sticking your hand out. Avoiding your gaze, he reached your hand and shook it.

“Newt Scamander.” He said. A smile grew on your face.

“Right, Newt.” You said, winking at him. Newt was unsure of why his name amused you so much. He decided to brush it off.

“Miss, what is this place?” Newt asked, looking right at you now. You cocked your head slightly.

“You don’t know?” You asked. Newt shook his head. “This is The Snuggly Duckling Bar. Yes, they named it after that bar from Tangled.” You said, rolling your eyes and shaking your head. “It’s a fandom bar. Well, I’m sure you could tell. What other bar shows Harry Potter movies, right?” You joked, smiling widely at him. He nodded, pretending to understand. Honestly, he was even more perplexed now. He was pretty sure everyone in the bar were wizards or at least had some knowledge or affiliation with the wizarding world. How else would everyone know about hogwarts, wands, specific spells, etc?

“Yes, well, could you please direct me to Knockturn Alley? Or preferably Diagon Alley?” He asked, making you laugh.

“I’ve never met a cosplayer so into their character. Do you even have some ‘fantastic beasts’ in there?” You said, putting air quotes around ‘fantastic beasts’ and pointing at his case. So many questions swarmed in his head. Where was he? How did you know about his beasts? Why weren’t you taking him seriously?

“I’m sorry, I think I’m lost.” He asked. You pushed your glasses up your nose, a habit you found yourself doing quite frequently.

“You don’t look lost, but if you say you are…” You said, shrugging. “I could help.” Newt looked up at you for a moment, smiling gratefully.

“Thank you. You, see, I’m not entirely sure where I am. My-ah-pet, got away and ran into Knockturn Alley-“ Newt began, not wanting to say outright that he had a niffler, he feared you’d ask how he’d come across one or if he had any other creatures that were technivally illegal to possess. “-he ran into a shop or a gallery of some kind and after getting him back, I touched one of the objects on display. It may have been a portkey of some kind as I found myself here a moment later.”

“Wow, that is quite a story.” You said. Newt nodded, blushing slightly. He couldn’t help but feel flustered as you watched him curiously.  “Are you really lost?”

“I’m afraid so.” He said. “If you are unsure of the direction of Diagon Alley, may you point me to your nearest lodging?” He asked. You shook your head, making your pink hair bounce around. The corners of Newt’s lips quirked up slightly at the sight.

“Oh no, you’re not staying in any motel. They’re all crap here.” You said, taking a deep breath. “Against my better judgement, you can stay with me for the night. Or until we figure out how to get you back home.” Newt was hesitant at the thought of staying at a stranger’s home, but he was in no place to reject kindness. He was a skilled wizard so if it turned out you were against him, he was confident enough in his abilities that he could get out of the situation. Although he doubted you meant him harm. Where else would he go? It would only be for a night and then he’d be off. Newt gave you a wide smile.

“I would really appreciate that, thank you.” He said, looking at you in the eyes.

“You’re not a murderer, are you?” You asked, narrowing your eyes at him.

“Ah- no, I’m afraid I’m not.” He said, smiling amusedly at you. You nodded.

“Just in case you get any funny ideas, I’m sleeping with the door locked and a knife under my pillow.” You said, pointing a warning finger at him.

“I’ll remember that.” He said. “Thank you so much for doing this for me.”

“Well, I can’t exactly say no to you when you’re looking so much like Newt Scamander.” You said. Newt was unsure of what you meant but decided not to comment on it. You were, after all, doing him a great favour. “Right, do you want to go now?” You asked. Newt simply nodded as he stood up. You now had to crane your head to look up at him. “Why is everyone always taller than me.” You mumbled under your breath as you walked through the bar. Newt laughed at your comment.

[murasaki-murasame]

I was gonna reblog that post about how nobody should support toraonice or karice / whiteboxgems and how generally awful and homophobic they are, but for some reason it’s not working so I figured I may as well make a proper post about it. I guess that’s probably better than just awkwardly writing a whole long rant in the tags of a post.

This is probably gonna be the one post I make about this. I might still make joke-y posts about the topic of these two and the shit they say, and about Yuri on Ice antis/Victuuri no-homo-ers in general, but I need to make at least one serious post about this.

Rant under the cut. This is going to be angry and personal, and I try and be happy and upbeat and whatever on my blog most the time but it’s like 3am and my head’s a bit fuzzy and I need to get this off my chest, so bear with me. I apologize in advance for putting this on people’s dashes at all.

Firstly, I dislike calling people out by name, but these two deserve it. People should know to stay away from them. Obviously I’m not telling anyone to directly harass them but just . . . don’t support them. Don’t try and defend the shit they pull. Don’t buy into their no-homo translations.

I haven’t talked about it at all because it’s a dark part of my life I don’t want to think about if I can avoid it, but in the week or two after the anime ended I felt really negatively about it. I didn’t outright think it had all been bait, but I was close to that point, and the overall feeling of doubt and anxiety and fear was tearing into me for a while. It really did not help my recurring issues with depression, let me tell you. It’s not something I want to experience again. I always at least clung onto hope, but it was still an awful thing to go through.

And to be blunt, I honestly think that a big reason why I felt that way at the time was because of things these two said, and how many people passed their words around as gospel truth. They were just a part of it, sure, but still. I remember seeing their translations and whatnot when the show was still airing. But I had yet to understand that these two have their own weird biases, and that they’ve done this stuff before in other fandoms, and that they’ve been actively deceitful with some of their translations since basically day one.

So I feel a pretty good reason to hate them from that alone. If they meaningfully contributed to the stress and anxiety and depression of not even just me but also so many other people in this fandom, then they deserve to be called out.

I’ve been trying to avoid their blogs/twitters, but I still see people in the fandom reacting to what they say and calling them out, so I’ve still picked up on a lot of it, and christ, so much of it’s awful. Some of it’s more baffling than anything, like translating partner as ‘buddies’ for some godforsaken reason. But I’ve seen them say some pretty genuinely awful shit too. Like how one of them said that they’d outright drop the show if the central romance ‘became canon’, and that they didn’t think it ‘fit Yuri’s personality’ for him to be able to have a crush on Viktor and end up in a happy, healthy, mutually romantic relationship with him.

I guess I can’t tell exactly what angle they’re coming at with that one, but it seems pretty damn obvious, and as a person with crippling anxiety/low self-esteem/depression who has to constantly fight the recurring thought that he doesn’t deserve to ever find a boyfriend because of it, let me just say fuuuuuuuuck yoooooooou. This entire fictional relationship gives me so much self-confidence and so much hope for my own future across the board, so fuck you if you ever in a thousand years think that it doesn’t make sense for someone like Yuri to find happiness and love with someone else.

Also some of the shit I’ve seen them do with trying to spin Kubo and Yamamato’s statements about the relationship and the show in general to try and prove their own points and defend themselves and accuse other people of “““disrespecting the creators and their intent”““ by acknowledging the romance in the show is DISGUSTING. Not even gonna sugar-coat it. They even tried to make Kubo’s whole tweet about YoI basically existing in a homophobia-free world about them to stroke their own egos and that’s just crossing a line, honestly.

ALSO, this is about entirely different people, kinda, but now that I’m in the mood for venting, I just wanna complain a bit about people who are like ‘why do you even CARE that the CEO of Mappa talked explicitly about the romance in the show and Yamamato’s intent in creating it? What does it even MATTER??? The show speaks for itself, we don’t need outside confirmation, you should appreciate the text itself more, you shouldn’t care so much about what homophobes say’. Like. For one thing. Sure I should ignore what homophobes say, but guess what, HOMOPHOBIA SUCKS TO BE EXPOSED TO ONLINE, and I don’t always have the mental fortitude to healthily deal with it. And it’s not like I don’t care about the show itself and how much happened in the show itself. I just appreciate that everyone working on the show is being so open and clear about things now. It makes me really happy to see. I obviously see it as being more ‘reaffirmation’ than ‘confirmation’, but STILL. I’m allowed to appreciate shit like this and I’d appreciate not being indirectly accused of being a fake fan or whatever because of this.

[foxcroft-rpg-blog]

Congratulations, Addy! You really understand both the light and the dark sides of Jack, but what I really appreciate how you don’t ignore the bad in him. Jack isn’t perfect -- far from it. He’s done bad things and gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd, and you understand that. I can’t wait to see what you do with him.

Thanks again for applying! Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the masterlist as soon as you can. Welcome to Foxcroft!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Name: addy

Age: (16 and over) 20

Preferred pronouns: (if you’re comfortable sharing) she/her

Time zone: est

Activity: (include a brief explanation) on a scale of 1-10, i will give a fair estimate and say I am a healthy 6.5. This is mostly due to the fact that I am a full time med-school student, so I do tend to get overwhelmed with a bit of work but honestly, I tend to lurk the dash quite often in my free time !! i’m pretty good about communicating with admins, as well, about absences when I need them !!

Anything else?: (questions, concerns, etc.) I am just like so excited to see this. I have only ever applied to one other bio rp before and never really made the cut so I am kind of anxious. I’ve always wanted to try and see how it goes honestly, so please bear with me !!

IN CHARACTER

Full name: Jack Adrian Ramsay

Date of birth: April 5th

How long have they been in Foxcroft: (1-3 sentences. Please be consistent with bio.) All twenty-five years of his life, Jack has been a resident of Foxcroft. The quiet, strange town witnessed the silent bruises and concealed burns with watchful eyes, making note of his whereabouts whether he noticed or not. The strangeness of Foxcroft is his home, the guise under which he’s lived and experienced the most bizarre ordeals. From the numbness of his home, to the water tower, to Val’s convoluted obsession with the Deathless, it was always here in Foxcroft. He’s tied to this town, always has been–just now in different ways.

Sexuality: (include a brief explanation) – Pansexual; the need to feel skin, to feel something, anything, is too great. It’s overwhelming; a hunger, a craving to feel warmth and heat and human touch. It’s a deep, carnal obsession that blurs the meaning of gender or sex. A tangled, writhing, moaning mess of limbs and bodies is enough to satiate him; Jack finds himself drawn to the electricity of skin to skin, not the definitions or labels. It’s a craving, a desperate desire to simply feel something, anything–and sex is only one way to do so.

FC change: non-applicable

MORE

How do you interpret this character’s personality? How will you portray them? Include two weaknesses and two strengths. (2+ paragraphs)

Addictive, impulsive, volatile; I interpret Jack’s personality to be one based off of the vice of wrath. The hollow emptiness he feels is a product of years of abuse, a convoluted and damaged result of a constant hunger that’s been locked away in him. The need to feel something, anything, manifests in a personality that falls prey to the dangers of addiction easily. Drugs and drinks are only the start, a physical and simplistic method for him to mask the deep emotional trauma he’s holding onto. He unwittingly clings to anything that seems to provide a sense of comfort; Val is only one example for him. She became something akin to “normalcy” for him. Constant interaction, going along with her to Church–it gave him something to hold onto and he automatically latched onto that only for it to blow up in his face in a way he couldn’t quite grasp. This just goes to show that he latches onto things quickly in the hopes of fulfilling the emptiness he constantly feels within himself.

Jack is PROTECTIVE, clear in the way he notices the changes in people like Cassidy. He wishes for the best of people even if he doesn’t originally tend to do so. He looks to watch over others–perhaps to fill the void within himself. He sees the good in others, such as Val, who gave him the hope of belief in something, anything, while Cassidy allowed him to see the purity in bright eyes. Jack is JUST, seeing the flaws in Val’s desire–no, obsession–with immortality. The murder of an innocent made him see the wrongness of it all–and it doesn’t sit well with him. He may despise himself, may fall into drugs and alcohol to make himself stop feeling–but he is not an inherently evil person. He recognizes the good, the bad, and the ugly–and he can tell when something is unfair. However, Jack is VOLATILE. His self-destructive tendencies manifest into addiction, obsession. The need to find something to exploit, to ruin, to destroy is the only way he knows how to cope. Abuse is never productive–and for Jack, the emptiness and hollowness of his upbringing lead him to need some sort of outlet. Destroying himself–and others–from the inside out is the easiest way of making himself feel something, anything. And on top of that, he is OBSESSIVE. No, he’s not a stalker. Not someone with a shrine tucked away in his room; he is someone who needs a beacon. Someone who relies on an emotional crutch to feel even the littlest of things. For him, that was Cassidy. She gave him some sort of belief, some sort of hope–even if it drags him under eventually and leads him to damage the things he holds dearest to him.

I would like to portray this character to be as flawed and damaged as he is while also showcasing the inherent good he possesses. He is not his demons, but he is who he is in spite of them. He has light in him, even if it is masked in the darkness and the gore of this entirely fucked-up cult that roped him into this mess. He is impulsive, brash, cold, numb–but he is good, able to love if given the chance. His self-destructive behavior makes it hard for him to connect and it may make him difficult to interact with, but he means well. I would like to portray him as this multi-faceted character that is neither good nor bad, but a nuanced mixture of all the shades of gray between the light and the dark.

How did this character react to the death of Hazel Abrams? Adam Foxcroft? (1+ paragraphs)

Confusion. Dazed, mind-boggling confusion. The fact that someone he thought would bring him hope would instead be at the root of all this throws him for a loop. He isn’t quite sure what to make of it all–he can feel the changes, after all. He can feel it in himself, see it in others; he can tell that Foxcroft is changing little by little–and it’s making him apprehensive. He can’t quite feel anything else–emotions are too little, too much. They don’t mean anything to him when the only thing in him is a nagging desire to black-out from everything around him. No, her death doesn’t personally affect him… but it does leave him with questions. Burning questions like fire at the tip of his tongue, threatening to drag him into a red-hot haze that could destroy him and the only thing he cares about. Adam’s death hardly phased him–not the way Hazel’s did. No, now he just knows. What that is, even he can’t quite tell. But it’s coming. A sickening, foreboding sense of confusion and omnipotent knowing mingling into one.

How do they see the town and its people? Think about the different groups of people and prejudices the town holds about them. (1+ paragraphs)

He never saw them to begin with; it was always himself. Drinking, snorting thin lines of ivory powder, shutting out anything and everything that came into contact with him. Up on the watertower, he finally interacted with someone from this town in a personal way–and since then, he’s begun to regret it. He sees that there is something very, very wrong. He sees that there are people who are obsessed with something he doesn’t believe in. He sees that the innocents are not safe. He sees that the pure and the good become corrupt. He sees the evil, the blackness–and he wants to shut it off. It drives him insane, how fucked up it all is. There’s no switch, no button–and he’s stuck with them. Tangled into a mess of a cult, stuck with people believing in something he can’t quite grasp. It’s too much. It’s unbearable. He sees nothing in them–after all, he’s nothing, himself–but he can feel that whatever it is that they’re doing, it’s just not right. And he also sees that he’s becoming one of them, slowly but surely, bringing in a whole new dimension of self-hatred.

For non-human characters: What does this character know about what they’ve become? Have they had any experiences that made them aware that weren’t exactly human? Elaborate. (2+ paragraphs)

Jack has always been unaware of what he is. The hunger, the cravings, the obsession with wanting something he could never quite put on a finger on–it was all a mystery. Foxcroft is a strange, twisted little place full of mystery and darkness that leaves everyone wondering. And Jack is no exception. He is beginning to sense the changes, the way his veins seem to crave that very specific something, the way the pain never seems to leave him–it’s all getting to be too much. It’s a sensation so foreign to him that it’s driven him to the point of near-madness. He’s a danger, a monster–he can sense it deep in his bones. Ever since the murders, the cold cases, the bodies showing up, the way he’s hurting Cassidy, the godforsaken Deathless… it’s only becoming more painfully obvious to him.

The emptiness hurts more than anything–because it feels like nothing at all. He felt it as a child, when his mother’s black eyes mirrored his own. Tangled in with a web of murderers that took the life of an innocent girl, he is beginning to see the darkness at the edge of this town. He sees the way he’s affecting the people closest to him. It’s an ugly thing to feel, self-loathing. But it’s there, stemming from the way his body is changing, the way he craves it. The way he’s hurting the one thing he vowed to never damage. He doesn’t quite know what it is just yet, but he can feel it deep in his bones.

Please include 1-2 possible plots your see for this character (1 paragraph brief explanation for each)

Discovering what he is ;; I would love to see Jack discover that his self-destructive behavior is damaging someone he cares about–Cassidy for example–because of his powers. I want him to expose himself and begin to hate who he is, what he is, and only feed into that volatile, self-destructing behavior because it would be so interesting to see how he copes. The damage he causes to the people around him would be enough to push him to a breaking point, surely, and it would be a very interesting thing to play out once more connections are established.

Falling in love (the right way) ;; I am a sucker for romance and nothing gets me more than the trope of the volatile monster finding peace in the gentleness of a lover–someone that can temper the raging storm within him and helping him see that pain isn’t something he has to bear alone. Someone that will help him unlearn the hatred. Someone that will help him tame what he is. It will be a long, slow, and angsty process–but ultimately, I want to see something healing. Of course, there will be plenty of moments in which he hurts and lashes out to tear the other down, but that’s a part of the very bumpy and treacherous ride.

WRITING SAMPLE

There are two options here, and you only need to complete one.

Para example 1 – https://zxiiden.tumblr.com/post/158238582247/zxcharie-h-it-wasnt-as-if-zaiden-hendricks

Para example 2 – https://zxiiden.tumblr.com/post/157661995287/illvssa-with-a-glass-of-champagne-grasped-in

EXTRA [THIS SECTION WILL NOT INFLUENCE ACCEPTANCE]

How would you feel about this character dying?: Honestly, I would be willing to cooperate if I felt as if the plot really needed it. If the character’s death is quintessential with progression, then I’m not opposed… as long as I’m allowed to apply for another character maybe ??

Why did you choose this character?: While I’m honestly a sucker for Jack Falahee, I have an incredibly deep fascination with the ‘hidden monster’ trope. Characters with these deep, monstrous flaws that cause them to be the victim of constant self-loathing are my kryptonite. As someone who often deals with crippling and often intrusive thoughts from anxiety and whatnot, I can personally relate to the feeling of not quite seeing yourself the same as others may see me–though of course not to such a severe extent! That would be worrisome. But I digress; I find characters like Jack fascinating. There are a lot of inner demons that are ripe for exploration, ready to be developed and fleshed out. The vices of a character like this make them believable, deep, and interesting. I really want to expand on this, see what makes him as broken as he is. The sinful nature of someone who can’t quite see himself as fully human is intriguing and dangerous.

Extras: (pinterest boards, mock blogs, aesthetic posts, drabbles, etc.)

Mock blog – https://jxckramscy.tumblr.com/

How did you find us?: I follow admin Janelle and clicked through and fell in love !!

[theaboydsnest]

Homesick

It’s already my second day in London, and I don’t have much to show for it. Actually that’s not true. I made one acquaintance who told me all about her travels in Ireland and gave me a laundry list of places to visit, unfortunately she had the leave the next morning back to her home in Belgium. She was lovely. For a brief moment I was able to escape the suffocating beast of being homesick. I’m quite certain that everyone in the bloody hostel is tired of my tears, thank god I don’t have to see any of them again. In the last 48 hours (which has felt like a freaking eternity!) I would venture that my tears could fill a litre water bottle, which as I’m writing this reminds me that I need to go buy one, since this godforsaken hostel doesn’t have clean drinking water…fuckers. If you cant tell I really want to get out of this fucking place, just one more night and then I’m checking into a hotel so I can cry in some bloody peace and quiet!

I was supposed to fly out to Ireland tomorrow, land in Dublin. But I’ve cancelled that for a whopping refund of 0 pounds! But it was too much too soon. It’s funny because I usually underestimate myself, but on this trip it seems that I’ve greatly overestimated my abilities. My trip was scheduled to be two months, which feels like an impossible feat at this point. So here’s a little back story: I have really bad anxiety and depression. It’s something I’ve dealt with for a while now, but my issues have been quite severe for the last few years. And now that I’ve graduated from Uni I’ve started to feel like myself again…along with all of the work I’ve been doing with my therapist and just spending time to work on myself. So with all of this, I thought “Hey Thea, you’ve always wanted to go travelling, why not mend your broken heart and eat, pray, love your way through the UK?” so my brain was like yeah this is the perfect time, and my heart hasn’t known whether it’s up or down for some time now. So I went with my brain and booked my trip. Ignoring my gut that was telling me I couldn’t do it, because I just chalked it up to anxiety, and at this point I was ready to give anxiety the middle finger because I’m tired of living in fear. So here I sit in London, feeling a bit broken and down in the dumps. But occasionally I get hit by these waves, and I think it feels like freedom. But I don’t really know, because I’ve never felt free. Most of the time though I feel like I’m being hit by a tsunami of pain, sadness, fear and loneliness. I thought staying in a hostel would be invigorating and that I would meet tons of people right off the bat. Turns out I couldn’t be more wrong. It’s such a humbling feeling to e surrounded by so many people, but to feel so very alone at the same time. So far I’ve won the lottery of shitty roommates, all whom have been men and feel that it’s appropriate to undress in our shared living quarters. However, I cant really blame them because the tiny washroom we have to share with 14 people is filthy and the floor is constantly covered in about a centimeter of water. Water that peoples feet and nastiness has been marinating in, which is also on my feet cause I was an idiot and forgot to bring flip-flops. Those of you reading this that know me, know that I LOATH feet. Fucking hate them. And for the past two nights I’ve gone to bed with disgusting foot water all over my feet. Vom.com

Side note: I’m sitting outside at a charming little café and the road I’m facing appears to be a one way, apparently it’s not holy shit. Do people just drive wherever they want here?! Definitely not going to be operating a motorized vehicle here, or a bike for that matter. Walking seems to be the safest way to get around except I don’t understand their cross walks…or if there are any. Some streets tell me which way to look for oncoming traffic which is very helpful since I almost got smucked last night. No worries though, the bloke driving the car offered me some lovely words of advice (this is sarcasm).

Tangential to this side note: people smoke like bloody chimneys here, also apparently vaping is allowed in the hostel. So that’s like hostel 4: thea -1000 So as it stands right now, I’m somewhere between being so homesick I want to board the next flight out of London, and feeling terrified because I don’t have anywhere to sleep tomorrow night and I would rather sleep on a park bench than another hostel. Don’t worry mum, it wont come to that…fingers crossed. Mix in there a heaping spoonful of I don’t know where the fuck I am and my phone doesn’t even turn on because it’s so broken…so no using google maps to find my way around. Oh and don’t forget a dash of if a see a dog I will pet it without asking you and probably cry all over the beautiful fluffy piece of heaven.  So yeah, that’s roughly where I’m at right now if you can follow my disrupted train of thought, which I’m going to blame on jet lag, but really this is just how scattered my brain is on the daily.

Anyway, I’m safe and alive and that’s all I can really ask for. My guts are turning about having to navigate their bloody transport system tomorrow, so keep me in your thoughts please haha.

Its funny, above I was tempted to write “keep me in your prayers” but I’m not a religious person, so it seemed disingenuous of me to say that. But I’ve found myself searching for some kind of divinity while I’m out here on my own. The first place I walked to was St. George’s church. It has a bell tower which reminded me of living downtown, so I walked until I found it. I sat across the street in awe of the painted glass windows. And I thought of the blessed souls that pledge their devotion to the church and believe in a higher power. Believing in a higher power is always something I wished I could do, but I find that I’m too much of a realist to believe in something so blindly. But as I was sitting on this bench I found myself striking up conversation with some person, animal, thing in my head. And I asked for kindness and compassion in my journey. And I asked for safety above all. It was really quite something, and honestly I still don’t really know what to make of it. Around the back of the cathedral was the most beautiful park with old growth trees and a quaint little fountain. I wanted so badly to go sit by the fountain and enjoy the peace. Be one with my thoughts and fears, but the damn thing was closed. So I walked a bit farther and eventually made it back to my hostel. Oh that was after I ate the absolute BEST pasta I’ve ever had. With feeling so homesick I haven’t been eating much, so I had about 6 small bites and threw in the towel. The sweet waitress that spoke about as much English as I do Italian asked if I was okay? I had to laugh because I was the farthest thing from okay, but this kind soul was genuinely concerned about me because I had hardly touched the biggest plate of pasta on this planet. Even if I was feeling 100% there’s no way I could have finished it haha.

Anyway, I’ve been sitting in this café for a few hours now and my tea is quite cold, so I should probably get on with it. Until next time. xx