#gods' strongest (and dumbest) soldier

[idliketobeatree]

when you think of it. Bildad the Shuhite's last 24 hours in the minisode not bloody optimal

getting a combat mission to kill everything his buddy Job owns just because She got into some stupid bet

the kids too??? horrid

right in the middle of growing out his hair awkwardly that angle appears. perfect timing to get thwarted. not like that

oh no he's now legit pissed, like it's HIS fault

good (bad) that Bildad has a plan. bad (good) that Aziraphale follows around like a lost sheep, ready to blow his cover anytime. not like that

cue the mortifying ordeal of being known

angel's smugness visible from alpha centauri and he can't even wipe it off with an angry kiss

the kids remain alive but at the cost of annoyance. human twink has the gall to flirt with Aziraphale right in front of his demonic eyes. is nothing sacred anymore

unsolicited temptation backfires badly ( he didn't sign up for food kink development. Regret)

no let me say it again: sexual awakening through ox ribs what even is his life

angel insinuates being the only demon in existence who tries to go his own way seems lonely -> needs to get wasted immediately

literally so hungover the next day he can barely stand and THIS is the moment he witnesses former Mum talking to a human, probably for the first time since Eden. actually stop here, try to step into his shoes and watch the arrow on a scale for secondhand embarrassment doing a full 360°

magical obstetrics time (he still doesn't know where babies come from)

and to top it off: the devastating vision of Aziraphale almost crying

to conclude, pour one out for Bildad the poor bastard deserves it.

[johaerys-writes]

Hello! Do you mind a Snippet Sunday for any of your patrochilles fics? Have a nice day 😊

Hello! I've been working on As Fate Would Have It today, so here's a snippet of the next chapter (aka baby's first heat):

“You have to help me.” 

“What…” Patroclus starts, but doesn’t even know how to finish this sentence. His thoughts are slipping through his fingers like sand. Achilles’ scent is so potent here it almost brings him to his knees. It surrounds him, envelops him like a blanket; it doesn’t leave room for anything else. 

Achilles sits up straight on the furs, the blanket he had draped over himself slipping off his shoulders. He’s only wearing a short chiton beneath it and it’s a mess, one of the shoulder pins gone, the milky white fabric draping over his chest. His skin gleams with sweat, his neck and cheeks flushed a bright pink as if he’s touched it with rouge, or as if he has a fever. 

“Patroclus,” he says breathlessly, “Patroclus.” He pushes himself up on shaky legs and steps closer to him. His pupils are huge, bigger than Patroclus remembers ever seeing them. His eyes remind him of Thetis’ a little now, the pitch black irises almost swallowing up the white. “I need you.”

“What do you need?” Patroclus asks, slurring as if drunk, his tongue thick and sluggish in his mouth. Achilles catches his arm and holds onto him, and his skin is so hot like he’s on fire. Perhaps he really does have a fever, Patroclus thinks through his own delirium. 

Achilles’ features contort a little in pain, and he whimpers. “I need your help. You have to help me.” He pulls him back, towards his bed. 

“Wait, wait.” Patroclus swallows thickly and blinks rapidly, trying to shake off some of the haze. “You’re sick. There’s something wrong. I need to get you to Chiron. He’ll know how to help you.”

“No!” Achilles gasps in a panic, pulling him back when Patroclus tries to turn towards the exit of the cave. His grip on him tightens, holding him firmly in place; he’s grasping Patroclus’ forearm so tightly, his fingers dig into his flesh almost painfully. “You can’t leave, don’t leave.” 

“But—I don’t know how to help you,” Patroclus stutters, helpless under his hold and the intensity of that scent that instantly grows stronger. It’s sweet and sharp, like a mature fruit; he can think of nothing other than sinking his teeth into it. 

Into what? Achilles? It makes no sense. Patroclus must be going insane. Whatever Achilles has must be contagious. 

Achilles’ mouth falls open and his nostrils flare as he inhales. It’s like he’s in a trance, beyond himself. “Don’t leave,” he says again. He pulls Patroclus deeper inside the cave. “Come, look what I made. I made it for you, for us.” 

“For me?” Patroclus asks dubiously, hoping this isn’t one of Achilles’ weird gifts again. 

Achilles nods, a bit frantic, then finally lets him go, the print of his fingers clear and pink against Patroclus’ skin. He turns around and kneels on his bed. It’s more like a nest, by the looks of it, a semicircle of pillows and blankets and furs and odd scraps of fabric. He arranges it frantically, kneading the pillows and setting them upright against the wall of the cave, fluffing up the blankets and the furs. He pulls out a piece of fabric and holds it up to his face, inhaling deeply from it, then hiding it back beneath the mass of bedding. 

“Was that… my tunic?” Patroclus asks, incredulous. He did lose one of his tunics the other day; he had left it in the laundry basket, intending to wash it the next day, then never saw it again. He had assumed a badger or a fox might have stolen it to take it back to their burrows, but it seems he was mistaken.

Achilles looks back at him over his shoulder, but doesn’t look guilty at all for having been caught red-handed. “It smells good,” he says simply. “It smells like you.” 

Patroclus’ mouth falls open at that. He doesn’t know what on earth to say; and it turns out, he doesn’t need to say anything, as Achilles promptly takes his hand and pulls him down to his nest. 

“Do you like it?” he asks anxiously. “Do you like what I made?” 

“Yes,” Patroclus says, sinking into the piles of furs and pillows. “It’s… comfortable. Warm. Safe. I like it.” 

Achilles lets out a shaky exhale, a visible shiver running through him. He stares at Patroclus for a long moment, his nostrils flaring again; and then he crawls to him, straddling Patroclus’ leg and pushing his fur coat off his shoulders.

“What—what are you doing?” Patroclus stutters, shocked, his skin prickling when the cool air touches it, despite the fire crackling nearby. He tries to reach for his coat again to pull it over him, but Achilles sets his hands on his shoulders and presses himself against him. 

“I need you,” he pants. “I need you.” 

[todayisafridaynight]

OK not even top 10 most insane things from the interview I just read 'cause We Been Knew but I still went ape upon seeing Jo and Arakawa CONFIRMED confirmed for 8... I have no object permanence so reasons to live +2

death gripping yokoyama what do you MEAN arakawa's in 8 WHY IS HE HERE (excited) (confused)

[alle-ni]

My thoughts about goodomensverse (I'm clinically insane) (my personal opinion) (long post)

Book Crowley:

- absolute disaster

- lonely boy

- grumpiest

- he's so in love with Aziraphale but didn't even realised yet

- a bit dumb sometimes ngl

- very tired

- he's trying so hard save earth and everything he knows but everytime he tries to explain why it's always AZIRAPHALE

- sometimes he's like... your old gay uncle, the old gay uncle of the family except it's a 6000 years old gender fluid demon

- HISS LIKE A SNAKE GANG

- got called dear once and them died (figuratively)

Radio Crowley:

- flirty

- "Humm have you ever seen me in a dress~~??"

- he's like flirting with Aziraphale 24/7

- 0 patience this man is a BOMB

- if Aziraphale ever EVER got slightly flirty with him back he will EXPLODE

- smartest of them all, he's very intelligent

- HISS LIKE A SSSSSNAKE GANG

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and it makes him SO FRUSTRATED

- his Aziraphale is the hardest one to reach, maybe this is why he's so deliberately obvious and direct with him (he's resilient, he will never give up)

- he's like a tsudere teenager collegial except he's a 6000 years old demon with serious issues

- not called dear yet poor soul </3

TV Crowley:

- SILLY

- he's the dumbest of them all, sorry 😭

- red hair

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and everyone notice it's SO OBVIOUS

- he's the most affected by The Bookshop Burning ™ event

- the only one who got to kiss the angel, good for him ig, or sorry, idk

- anxiety bomb he literally (literally) EXPLODE

- strongest soldier bc his Aziraphale is IMPOSSIBLE

- got dumped 2 times more than the others someone pls help him

- the most brave tho

- doesn't hiss a lot :/ free him from this madness let him hiss

- he's like a puppy with giant yellow eyes except it's a 6000 years old snake demon that lies all the time

- protective as hell this man wouldn't let anyone near Aziraphale if possible

- got called dear but at what cost??????????????

Book Aziraphale:

- Anxious all the time, religious trauma except the god is your father and he left you and never talk to you again and the guard angels are your siblings and they want you do be dead

- He's so soft he wants so bad to comfort Crowley but he's really hard to reach

- his Crowley is the most difficult of all of them, he needs to circle him a lot to get in touch

- this man got called names so often I don't think he even cares anymore

- he's very nerdy

- he's the calmest of them all

- really chill

- everyone is so mean to him for no reason

- he has 1 braincell tbh and it's really bad bc his Crowley is not that brilliant too they're both stupid sometimes

- he really REALLY wants to be with Crowley and Crowley only, he sounds almost obligated to be with heaven

- he is really kind to others even when they don't deserve

- he called Crowley dear once and then implode

Radio Aziraphale:

- full of himself

- bastard

- the most closed and oblivious of them all

- he tries to play cool with Crowley all the time (he's slowly getting insane and someday he will jump on this man)

- he's the most self sufficient one he barely holds on Crowley to anything and they're pretty independent

- Crowley can say shit like "Miss me angel~~??" and he would keep a bored face and not react at all (he screamed with the walls 4 hours later)

- he's also a tsudere collegial but he at least try to look cool and composed in public

- he's the Aziraphale that most believes in heaven, he's sure they are good and selfless and the right side

- he's not so brilliant tbh but he got a lot of spirit

- the most active Aziraphale ?? He really put his hand in the dirt and do the things alone

- the most angry and bad tempered of them all, bro scream "WE ARE CLOSED LOOK AT THE DAMN SIGN" when ppl barely touch the bookshop door

- he has a lot of patience with Crowley, not deserved tbh bc he thinks it's his personal job to get in Aziraphale's nerves

- overall he is polite

- he's really proud of their "arrangement" there not only one chance he let go without saying that

- he likes to provoke Crowley sometimes too but not as much as the other way around

- if he ever call Crowley dear he will explode

TV Aziraphale:

- bitchiest

- this man need to be sedated what the fuck Aziraphale

- most nuts of then all he's CRAZY

- he's the most up to do shit with Crowley they're insane together

- he doesn't let Crowley rest he is flirting and being cute and hitting on Crowley all the time

- he's so obviously in love with Crowley its embarrassing

- he's the fruitiest he's the entire salad

- the most... indulgent, if I can say, of them all

- more like an employer of heaven, different of book Aziraphale

- he's the only one with almost white hair

- he got kissed but at what cost

- he's the most intelligent of all of them how can he be this dumb

- he loves little things about earth and humans and life and he seems to be the Aziraphale that most love EARTH itself, like, the life, the humans, the food, the little pleasures we have, the little time of happiness we have between all the shit that is happening... he really loves humans <3

- he's conflicted about heaven, he seems to know that there's something WRONG with how heaven works but still doesn't understand what exactly it is

- "oh but saving me makes him soooo happyyyy~~~"

- overall kind and sweet, in a excited way

[maul-of-shame]

WE'RE LIVE!

Hey Tumblr! 🌟🦸‍♂️

I may not be God’s strongest soldier, but I’m definitely his dumbest—yep, I cracked.

After countless attempts to conquer the multiverse (and failing spectacularly), I’m here to introduce you to something even better than a chimichanga (hopefully):

The ultimate Poolverine Discord Server!💥💬

We got everything you need, gen chats, off topics, fanfics sharing channels, angst sectors, "Not safe from Wade" (NSFW) ones too, EVERYTHING PEANUT! And if you’re into other ships beyond the Deadpool/Wolverine dynamic, we’ve got a special category just for you! Pick up the dedicated role and sail away into your favorite pairings. 🚢💕

BUT, with that said, it is a Poolverine (Deadpool x Wolverine server) so if this isn't one of your ships, no need to get into the server! This is a ship dedicated server and I'm sure plenty of other shipping discord servers exist!

So, if you’re ready for a wild ride, a lot of laughs, and some snikt-tastic fun, come join us! We promise to be as entertaining as a fourth wall break, and twice as chaotic!

EDIT: WE'RE NOW +90!! TO JOIN YOU HAVE TO SEND A DM TO GET AN INVITE

[masha-nikita]

How strong is his Mars?- Walter Model

This is a continuation of my series on the Wehrmacht- “How strong is his Mars?” to test a theory in Astrology community- you’ve got to have a strong Mars to be competent in the military.

Is that theory true? Let’s find out with Walter Model.

A Pisces Mars can be pretty random- this Mars cannot fully explain “why I take this action??” It instinctually knows what to act on—pretty randomly, mind you. It generally leads to bipolarity and unsteadiness, unless a “personal truth” can be fully reached (after a lot of randomness and struggles).

As previously explored in Manstein’s Pisces Moon, Pisces is dissolution of boundaries. Since Mars is basically a forward moving action / goal-oriented momentum / how one overcome obstacles with force, its scattered force does not make a particularly effective Mars. Not a good placement for military leaders, but a good placement for poets and philosophers.

this Pisces Mars doesn’t distinguish one operation from the next one, nor does it put different actions into categories. Model probably sees “let the generals all sit down and name this attack Operation XXX, and make a decision” the dumbest approach and a waste of time. From the moment the war starts to its very end, everything is a huge flow of messy motions- that’s the gist of Model’s Mars.

Some astrologers would comment Pisces Mars as “too soft and nice to other people, too accommodating, too indecisive”. I think that is a dumb take if you take a closer look at Walter Model, whose eyes even the Führer dreaded.

This is indeed not the best Mars out there- Pisces Mars is simply too random, too scattered, too sentimental, and that weakens Mars significantly. It’ll make him an excellent tactician but a shitty strategist. On its own, it is only a 5-ish score Mars, but it is very well-supported with one important aspect, so its score is bumped up all the way to 8.

This Mars has incredible support from the Neptune-Pluto conjunction- but this is also Model’s greatest curse. Neptune-Pluto was a really long and really powerful generational aspect that lasted throughout the late 19th to early 20th century.

Neptune being the collective dream state, its combination with Pluto signifies “dreaming about the ultimate destruction, power, and transformation, the Ex-Machina-like CULT OF PERSONALITY that would end all history with a final history, whose mighty wheels crush little individuals like worthless bugs.” Everybody from that era was under this NEPTUNE-PLUTO influence, and you could infer where a person stands with this CULT OF PERSONALITY ZEITGEIST (be it formed around Hitler or Stalin) from their personal chart.

Erich von Manstein has his Sun in opposition to this aspect, it means his personal ego opposed and despised this cultish shit. But for Model, it is of the strongest support for his Mars, and is also harmonious with his Sun, his ego.

It doesn’t matter if Model knew on a rational level the whole NAZI shtick is a piece of shit, NEPTUNE-PLUTO was a Lovecraftian power, a pitch black Eldritch God that raised from the deepest of abyss of collective madness and lifted his poor little soul up. There is no way that a Pisces Mars could resist a dragon born directly out of that era.

In other words, without the power of this NEPTUNE-PLUTO, Model’s Mars is just a mopey little sad Pisces creature that acts randomly and goes with a messy flow. But with this support, his Mars becomes magical- not necessarily psychic, but magical. This random Mars all of a sudden makes miracles.

Model could notice some random thing on the battlefield, and by this Neptune-Pisces intuition, totally out of nowhere, decides to do something else, and it turns out to be a surprisingly good call. He had to personally run around with his soldiers or else his Mars would not work this magic.

PLUTO sextile Mars alone is a powerful boost, with or without NEPTUNE’S magical touch. Pluto-Mars allows him to simplify the worst conditions down to the ugliest of truth (the kind of horrible truth about the frontline that would give von Brauchitsch heart attacks and von Bock stomach ulcers), and he would not flinch and does not care at all. Oh, the war condition is a total disaster? Nah, Model does not feel a thing, he keeps going. Pluto the Roman god of Hell can drag a person through very cruel conditions, and the native actually loves it.

This chart unfortunately belongs to a sad soul. Model has a Leo Moon in opposition to his friendly, kind, and humanitarian Aquarius Sun. Due to Leo’s nature and its adversarial aspect, this overbearing Moon wants to behave like Sun, and totally beat down this Aquarius Sun and kicks it around, like a tyrannical mother.

Leo signifies AUTHORITY, and Moon is generally one’s feminine mind, archetypal MOTHER figure, ie, “what would lead you back to your mother’s womb of the subconscious, in order to find your deepest comfort zone”. Model finds his comfort zone in “authority”. I cannot explain it better than Asuka’s abusive mother, and how come this bad mother drives Asuka to fight to death in Evangelion’s final scene.

War historians’ often make comments about how Model was a war realist (who sees the whole reality). But, in my opinion, it is more likely that the Pluto-Mars aspect allows him the soul capacity to stare down the ugliest of truth and not flinch.

For this reason and on the ground of reading his chart, I strongly disagree with Thersites the Historian, whose comment I paraphrase here- “Model has been brutal with the Red Army, so he was afraid of being handed over to the Soviets. He figured it was a better option to kill himself.”

In conclusion, when the huge spirit of that ZEITGEIST fell down, that fanatical and deeply disturbing dream of the collective false god died, Model died with it.

[luvsicdog]

god gives his toughest battles (being the dumbest stupidest most incompetent girl in the whole world) to his strongest soldiers (me)

[cath-lic]

i may not be god’s strongest soldier or god’s weakest soldier but i am definitely one of the dumbest

[juanokug4]

God gives it's strongest powers to his dumbest soldiers

[karofsky]

God shows the dumbest of takes to his strongest of soldiers

[wheezethecheeze]

god gives their strongest battles to their dumbest soldiers

I’m covered in blood from my enemies

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 292: You Say Jeans

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “well anyway here’s that Touya reveal I foreshadowed like a million years ago, viva la 2020.” Dabi was all “hello world, I’ve killed 30 people and today I’m going to explain to you all why” before he proceeded to explain ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but everyone was so distracted by his tale of child abuse and hero conspiracies that they didn’t much seem to notice. Can’t Ya See-Kun’s Shark Friend was all “IS THIS THE END OF HERO SOCIETY AS WE KNOW IT”, and Horikoshi was all “STAY TUNED”, and then Dabi set himself on fire and leaped off of Machia’s back like the chaotic evil, I-just-bleached-all-my-brain-cells weird little fire man he is, ready to burn everyone to crispy bits before they could even react properly to his whole big revenge speech. Fortunately he did not succeed on account of THE RETURN OF THE JING, THE JOAT, BEST FUCKING JEANIST, back from the dead by popular demand in what critics are calling “the best fucking comeback since Jesus himself.”

Today on BnHA: Best Jeanist snatches up Machia and the rest of the League with his fiber steel cables before you can say “more like BEAST JEANIST amirite.” Dabi gets all worked up and lights Hadou on fire which is a real JERK MOVE, and is all “THIS RIGHT HERE IS ALSO ENDEAVOR’S FAULT”, which, NOT SUPER CONVINCED ON THAT, BUT OKAY. Anyway so then he burns up all the cables holding him which is crazeballs btw, and then he and Shouto start fighting, and so basically the whole thing is a literal hot mess and we’ll see how that goes. Meanwhile Tomura wakes up and summons some Noumus, and poor Jeanist has to deal with those on top of the still-attempting-to-rampage Gigantomachia, and everyone else is all “we can’t help you on account of we’re all half dead”, and so it’s looking really bad. And then -- and I can’t stress enough how much I don’t even have the faintest idea how to segue into this next part -- the chapter ends with Mirio!?! just sort of POPPING UP OUT OF THE GROUND all, “SURPRISE, BITCH”, and it literally was so surprising that I am still just kind of speechless. WELL-PLAYED, I GUESS, lol wtf.

lol okay so the first page in the RHA scan is just the “three musketeers” movie promo image that we all already saw a few days ago. but it does confirm that (a) it is indeed a movie, and (b) that it’s set for a summer 2021 release! how exciting

okay so now back to our special Dabi edition of Making a Murderer

“ray of hope” oh hell yes. SAVE US MR. JEANIST

I guess he had a TV in his private hero jet or something?

gotta say, “dammit Dabi” does not even remotely sound like Authentic Best Jeanist Dialogue to me though. gonna need Caleb to see to this. well but what do you guys think? does Best Jeanist curse?? I personally feel like he’s one of those guys who NEVER EVER swears no matter what, except under the most hilariously trifling circumstances. like he’s eating an avocado one day and he accidentally stains the cuffs of his beloved jostume green and he’s all “FUCK”

btw how fucking rich is Best Jeanist though that he has his own fucking plane? the thought just suddenly occurred to me, you know? like even Endeavor, whose agency has its own on-site luxury apartment suites for all of his interns, still drives around in a dinky little car that Bakugou has declared to be too small. which, I guess we know why he felt that way now, seeing as the guy he previously interned with apparently gets around in Jeans Force One

anyway so back to the part where Jeanist shows up to save the day!! YEAH JEANIST WOOOOO

ILU JEANIST YOU REALLY ARE THE BEST!! HUGS AND KISSES!!!

lmao we just saw Gigantomachia take out like a hundred guys not ten chapters ago. and Best Jeanist shows up and takes him down in like two seconds. HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES LEAGUE OF VILLAINS. BET YOU’RE WISHING YOU’D TAKEN HIS QUIRK NOW, AFO. GET FUCKED YOU OLD SPUD

KACCHAN IS SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM AWW

SIDE NOTE, IIDA, YOU AND I ARE GONNA HAVE WORDS LATER ABOUT YOU ACTUALLY AGREEING TO PUT HIM BACK DOWN. YOU DO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS CHILD IS STILL DRIPPING BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE FROM HIS MULTIPLE STAB WOUNDS, RIGHT? WAY TO ASSERT YOUR AUTHORITY THERE. I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE CLASS PRESIDENT NOT THE CLASS CLOWN, COME ON NOW

LMAO DABI IS FRANTICALLY TRYING TO DO THE PLOT MATH

SHOULDA CHECKED MORE CLOSELY MY GOOD MARK. LOOKS LIKE YOU MISSED THE “MADE IN CHINA” STICKER ON THE BOTTOM. YOU HAVE BEEN BAMBOOZLED. OR ACTUALLY, I GUESS THE MORE ACCURATE WORD HERE IS JAMBOOZLED, AHAHAHAHA. JEANS

HOLY SHIT DABI

I legit almost thought that was Tomura for a second. you two look so alike now with the white hair and the crazy eyes

meanwhile, Shouto is still crying and it’s a lot to take, you guys. lotta feels

ffff come on Jeanist you better do something awesome again here, the mood of the chapter is starting to slip now

YES, GOOD, THAT’LL WORK

WELL YOU TELL ME, SPINNER. I GUESS THAT MEANS BEST JEANIST IS OFFICIALLY THE STRONGEST CHARACTER IN THE SERIES NOW. SORRY I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

ffff now Spinner is trying to wake Tomura back up. nah, how’s about we not do that

OH MY GOD HADOU YESSSS

MY GIRL OUT HERE WITH THE “NO THANK YOU” BOUT TO CURBSTOMP THE BIG BAD WITH HER QUIRK KSFHLKLK WHO HERE HAD “HADOU SAVES THE DAY” ON YOUR WAR ARC BINGO CARDS, YOU LOVE TO SEE IT!!

HEY!!!!

fucking son of a... fffkfkff... someone please reassure me that fire isn’t Hadou’s weakness. someone. anyone. also could someone please dial an ambulance and send them to Horikoshi’s house. but not just yet. first I’m gonna need you to wait about fifteen minutes or so while I take care of some things

well all right then, Dabi. so you wanna go on then and explain to us all how this, too, is somehow Endeavor’s fault?

oh I see, you’ve decided that since he’s responsible for “creating” you, everyone you hurt and kill is in truth really being hurt and killed by him! well now, that sure is convenient as fuck I guess

(ETA: that’s a nice effect with the panel sides getting all warped by Dabi’s quirk though, just noticed that.)

amazing how quickly you used up that sympathy card my guy. Shouto please kick his ass, I’m fucking done lol, you can all sort out the rest in therapy later

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE DIAL BACK DEKU’S EMPATHY STATS JUST A LITTLE BIT, HOLY --

“TODOROKI-KUN IS HURT THE MOST”, HE SAYS, WITH HIS ARM BONES SHATTERED INTO LITTLE TOOTHPICK-SIZED PIECES. I MEAN, HE’S PROBABLY TALKING MORE ABOUT MENTAL ANGUISH GIVEN THE CONTEXT HERE, BUT STILL. THAT’S ENOUGH HEROICS FROM YOU ALREADY FOR ONE DAY

NOOO JEANIST

LOTS OF SMOKE IN THE AIR RIGHT ABOUT NOW AND MY BOY’S STILL DOWN A LUNG. GOD DAMMIT

“if the number one suffers a total loss here, this country will fall to pieces” well okay, real talk though, I think the “country falling to pieces” part is pretty much unavoidable at this juncture. you all are just gonna have to try your best to pick up those pieces after the fact and see what you can do with them. if I were you I’d be less worried about the number one’s reputation and more concerned with the half-dozen child soldier interns who are still on the field and very much at risk of being burned to death should you suffer that “total loss.” please try to keep it together here for them

OH FOR FUCK’S

I really thought RockLockRock was gonna come into play here. USE YOUR QUIRK TO LOCK THE ROPES IN PLACE YOU DIP!! if he seriously just sits there and does nothing when his quirk could be the deciding factor I am cancelling his useless ass cute kid or no cute kid shfkjdls

(ETA: is he even there?? did he and Manual just hightail it out of there?? “well good luck, children.”)

also, we’ll put this aside for now to perhaps speculate about later, but what’s with Tomura remembering his dad’s house yet again in that far right panel?? and being itchy again?? I still have yet to fully work out the psychological mechanisms at work as far as his itchiness goes, so I’ll admit this is intriguing to me. it seemed like it was connected to his decay quirk, but then why is it acting up again now. what is this lol

yuh oh

forgot about these guys. looks like these heroes aren’t having such a fun time

oh fucksticks

excuse me ma’am but I don’t like this. you do know that my kids are all there, right. all burnt and impaled and broken-boned and the like. well except for Iida. he’s fine still. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I FEEL LIKE WATCHING HIM GET TORN APART BY FOUR HIGH ENDS, WTF

HORIKOSHI YOU MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD

god fucking... okay look. Horikoshi. you win, okay!? congratulations, you win, this is your show and we’re all just sitting here at your mercy. fine. go ahead and just kill off everyone ever, then!! what am I even gonna do about it. stop reading?? fuck

this whole thing really went from zero to fucked before I could even blink huh. I really thought this was gonna be a turning point chapter for the heroes. shows what I know I guess??

meanwhile this motherfucker is just SCREAMING

ngl, if I wasn’t currently terrified on account of things suddenly taking such a drastic turn for the worse, this would be the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Jeanist my man, I hype you up like it’s my job because you are the greatest fucking meme character in the history of time, but make no mistake, you are also highkey WORTH ALL THE HYPE AND THEN SOME

seriously, though. don’t fucking mind him you guys, he’s just standing here in the coolest pose of all time taking on Gigantomachia all alone with one fucking lung because the substance pumping through his veins is COLD-BLOODED LIQUID DENIM, and DENIM FEELS NO FEAR

Best Jeanist really needs to get his own theme song. -- oh my god I just finally thought of a title for this post. lmao and it’s the dumbest thing. omg

MEANWHILE THE TODOROKI BROS ARE OFF IN THEIR OWN DRAMATIC LITTLE FIRE WORLD

which one do you think is the Mario and which is the Luigi. well, but I mean, Dabi clearly thinks that he’s the Luigi though and that’s why he’s so mad. nobody wants to be Luigi. what a life

THAT’S IT, SHOUTO!! POINT OUT ALL OF HIS HYPOCRITICAL BULLSHIT, I WANT ANSWERS

JUST TO CLARIFY, IT’S THAT NATSU, NOT SOME OTHER NATSU!! SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!!

OH, WELL IN THAT CASE

BUT OF COURSE. THAT WOULD MAKE IT ALL WORTHWHILE, holy shit. okay I’m just gonna go ahead and say it, Dabi is a piece of work. I really thought this arc would make him more sympathetic at long last, but it seems like it’s doing just the opposite?? this is like an anti-redemption arc. I don’t relish the thought of venturing into the fandom tags once I finish reading this lol

(ETA: well folks, I’ve done it. and actually it was pretty interesting because there are apparently like ten different things that people are mad about, and so it’s like. each post is a new adventure lmao.)

so Shouto is all “BRUH HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST IT” and Dabi is all “YES”, basically? like, he says he’s completely lost his feeling for anything. omg. but you were so sweet. how does that even happen

“finally I can kill you” okay for real what the heck is your damage bro?? can we not. I like Shouto just the way he is, un-killed

oh shit and now the Noumus are here

cue Bakugou diving in to save his mentor, STAB WOUNDS BE DAMNED!! actually it would make more sense for it to be Iida, but if Kacchan is really fixin’ to go full Shounen Dumbass here then he might as well go all out, y’know

-- unless of course, Deku decides to activate another quirk??

“last I checked, the main character of this series was still me” OH? WELL I SUPPOSE THAT IS TRUE, SO PRAY TELL, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT LEFT UP YOUR SLEEVE YOU SUICIDAL BRUSSELS SPROUT

fucking love how he’s all “HAHAHA WITH MY NEW QUIRKS I CAN STILL DO STUPID SHIT EVEN WITH MY ARMS AND LEGS GROUND TO A FINE POWDER” btw. what can I say. Deku gonna Deku

FMMFHDKUHK W H A T

HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. WHAT THE WHAT. QUE THE FUCK

(ETA: okay look, all the love in the world to the brave scanlators who take time out of their lives to translate the leaks every week just so we can read the chapter a couple of days early like the addicts we are. that said, translating Mirio’s signature “POWER!!” -- which was already written in English in the original scan -- to “POG-CHAMP” is just a whole new level of wtfuckery from them lmao. is the Lida person back at it again?? amazing.)

MIRIO!?!?! SHOWS UP TO SAVE THE DAY?!?! POGS HIMSELF UP OUT THE GROUND TO BEAT THE NOUMUS LIKE IT AIN’T NO THING. JUST LIKE WE ALL PREDICTED!? I’M SORRY, DID YOU NOT SEE THAT COMING?? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR DAILY HOROSCOPE FROM ASTROLOGY DOT COM DIDN’T HAVE THAT ONE IN THE CARDS?? WAS IT NOT OBVIOUS?? TODOROKIS PLUS BEST JEANIST EQUALS MIRIO??

hot damn. Tintin really saw the writing on the wall with the impending Dabi Discourse and was all “NOT SO FAST” lmao. “HERE’S A BRAND NEW THING FOR YOU ALL TO DISCOURSE ABOUT” MIRIO YOU WILD CHILD. YOU GLORIOUS THUG

MEANWHILE LET’S NOT FORGET WHAT MIRIO HAVING HIS POWERS BACK ACTUALLY IMPLIES. HOLY SHIT. SUDDENLY WE CUT BACK TO ALL MIGHT’S OFFICE, ALL THE WAY BACK AT UA. ERI BRANDISHES HER TOKOYAMI-GIFTED BUSTER SWORD, A DETERMINED GLEAM IN HER EYE. “I HEARD YOU WERE TRYING TO HAVE A GIRL POWER ARC WITHOUT ME.” OH. MY. GOD

[mionakt]

God gives his strongest soldiers the dumbest anon hate...

[sellina-skyfall]

Dream SMP - We don´t talk about it

Summary: It’s no secret that Tommy believes he’s the greatess person to exist, the ego on that child is bigger then everyone elses in the Dream smp combined. Even thou he can handle his own pretty well in battle, maybe he should think twice before picking fights with gods.

In other words, problem child tries to fight the literal goddess of chaos to try and prove to everyone else that he is strong.

Warning: This work is a work of fiction and in no way should be taken as gospel.This was done with entertainment proposes, and involves the Dream smp characters, and the characters only. It is not my intention to make anyone uncomfortable, or cross any bonderies.

This work contains, a fighting scene, mentions of child abandonment, bad parenting and some violence.

I apologize if there are any mistakes, or if there are some sentences that don’t make much sense. English is not my first language.

This can be read as an Xreader, or as an Xcharacter!

                                           ------------------------------

-I am not a kid!-

-Yes you are Tommy, I'm not teaching you how to murder someone just because you think you're a grown up-

-You're just afraid I'll beat you in a battle!-

I couldn't lie, it was hard not to listen to Techno's and Tommy's querrels. As loud and as annoying as they could get, the two always managed to light up everyones mood. Accuratly, this didn't always work, but for the most part, their little arguments were light hearted and fun. A change of scenery for the usually calm and honestly, quite boring winter empire.

-Ten minutes max until they are at eachothers throats-

The hushed comment made me snicker slightly, a small smile breaking out as I carefully adjusted the tea cup on my hands, making sure to not spill it over the beautifully decored table me and Philza were sitting by. The winged man gave me a knowing look, smile crooking slightly as he gestured back to the fighting pair with a simple nod of his head. My eyes immediatly snapped over, teeth suddently digging into my lips as I held back a laugh. Philza was more then right, those two would be at eachother sooner rather then later. Not that we were too worried, if anything escaled we would simply step in.

Like we always did.

The bird-hybrid more then me, I simply did not have the mental strenght to argue with both Tommy and Techno, they were already hot-headed when alone.

Oh but when they were toguether?

A living time-bomb that could go off over the smallest and dumbest things.

-It really does run in the family, uh Phil?-

It wasn't really a question, if anything, it was more of a little jab to the mans raising methodes. Not that I could really talk, it had been centurys since I had last held a baby, even longer since I had to take care of one. If I had been in Philzas place I would probably have been a worst parent then he ever was.

In response to my teasing, the bird-hybrid simply rolled his eyes, smile softening as he leaned somewhat closer to me. Immediatly catching onto his antics, I decided to play along, quietly suffling forward in my chair before bringging up the cup of tea up to my lips, the smile I had only widening as the childish behavior.

-Mighty words coming from someone who abandoned their child-

-I did no such thing, do you really believe I would be able to abandone a baby? Scar was a follower of mine-

-A very dedicate one if I might add-

Phil's sentence was abruptly interruted by Tommy's voice, the teenager had somehow approached us without any of us noticing. His hands slamed down onto the table, the impact making the glasses and plates shake slightly. It didn't take five seconds before the hybrid was scolding his youngest soon, eyes Sharp as he told Tommy to apolegize.

The teen, however had other plans. His Bright blue eyes were focused on me as his smile praticly occupied half of his face. His next words had be chocking on the tea I had been drinking.

-Well! If Techno won't teach me how to fight then Sellina will! Right!?-

I looked over to Philza in disbelief, eyes widened at the bluntness his child possessed. Tommy really had no manners in conversation, especially when it came to woman. The blond man simply stared back at me, his expression mirrowing mine as his mouth opened and closed several times. We were both at a lost for words. The silence that took over was quite unconfortable, and the intense stare Tommy kept giving me did nothing to make me feel better about the hole situation.

After breathing in slowly I found myself forcing a smile at the teen, hands coming down to rest the partly now spilled tea on the table.

-I don't think that's a good idea Tommy-

-What, you think I can't handle my own?! I'll have you known I'm the strongest in this house hole!-

Techno's snicker was loud enough to catch our attention, so much so that Tommy turned over in his direction to curse him out. Talk about na big ego.

Really, where were this childs manners...

-C'mon Sellina! I'm sure I can beat you in a fight!-

-I don't think so T, but the intention is what counts..-

-Well! If you are so sure of yourself why won't you fight me? At least teach me some cool moves so I can use them agaisnt Techno!-

-You'd have to have blue blood for that buddy. Maybe when you're older Tommy-

The frustation was evidente in Tommys face, his cheeks had redden up and his mouth had dropped into a frown. Without another word the teenager simply stormed off, bangging the door loudly behind him.

I couldn't help but feel slightly bad, a tired sigh escaping me as my shoulders dropped slightly at the teens mood swing.

Humans were way too emotional.

But in the end, there was nothing I could really do, teaching Tommy how to fight was out of the question, and fighting him was na even worst idea. I was not about to train a sixteen year old kid to be a soldier.

My train of thoughts was broken by Philza, who at this point had gotten up and was grabbing the dishes up from the table to put them in the kitchen's sink. Before he did so thou, he gave my shoulder a tight squeeze, eyes soft and understanding. The smile on lips lips was small, but welcoming all the same.

I found myself smilling back with ease.

                                            --------------------------

-Are you sure you don't need me to accompain you home Sellina?-

-With all the due respect dadza, I can take care of myself. You should be more worried for Techno, he seems...-

-I know. The fight with tommy lefy him in a sower mood. He'll be back to normal before you know it-

-If you say so... Alright, take care then. Give the boys kisses for me!-

Quietness.

That's the only real way I could describe the winter florest, apart from breathtaking and beautifull view. Honestly, the scenery looked like it had been straight out ripped from an old fairytail book, the kind of book kids swore held magic.

And maybe, they did.

The snowed covered trees almost touched eachother a the top, the casted shadows creating this welcoming sense of protection. Their frozen leafs shook slightly in the welcoming breeze of the night, even the animals seemed to have gone silent. I found myself slowly coming to a stop in the middle of it all, eyes locked onto the brightly illuminated moon. It had been hard to spot her, after all the threes were rather large, but the sight that welcomed me had made it all worth it.

Nights like this were what made me remember why I was so found of earth. So found of these people that slowly destryed everything they touched. So found of their interactions and relations.

It was never this peacefull and serene out there.

My shoulders relaxed quite quickly, and before I knew it I was calmly enjoying the presence of the cold winter spirt. The wind had started to pick up, but it didn't bother me in the slightless, in reality it made me smile harder.

The small moment of bliss was cut short by the sounds of foot steps fastly approching. For a moment I thought it might have been Techno or maybe even Philza but none of them had any reason to follow me into the florest. I forced myself to stay quiet, holding my breath in as a way to hear the steps better.

They had broken out onto a full blown sprint.

My reaction was pretty much immediate, right hand coming down fast to to summoning my battle axe. I turned on my feet as fast as I could, cape flowing behind me as my eyes fell on the tip of the sword that had barelly missed my face. Instinctively my arm came up, axe in hand as I swung it down with so much force that it sliced right through the dimond sword that once had been held up to me. A squeek left my attackers mouth, but before he could do anything I brought my left leg up, swiftly quicking his leg before swingging once again. The blade barelly missed his face as he fell to the ground with a muffled "thud", the snow aiding in his fall. His breathing was much faster then it should have been, teary blue eyes widened in shock and in terror as he stared up at me like I was some kind of monster. The gripo n my axe flaterred as soon as I recognized who was on the other side of my blade.

-Tommy?-

His name came out in a whisper, arms shaking as I realized how close I had just been to hurting the small teenager. The axe slipped past my fingers and onto the snow as I stared down at Tommy, the frightened look he had inprinting itself into my memory.

Calls of both our names echoed through out the florest, not that I could hear them clearly, everything had started to turn into white noise. That is until Techno stepped into view, rough hands carefully grasping at my face as he tried to gain my attention back. Still, my eyes stayed focussed on Tommy, even when Philza started scolding himw hile checking over for injuries.

-I could have killed him-

-Hey. Hey, c'mon it's it's not your fault. Tommy shouldn't have sneaked up on you-

-Oh my god I could have killed him. Techno I could have killed him-

-It's fine. It's going to be fine-

I don't remember exacly how that night ended, nor' how the next day started.

One thing had been certain thou, Tommy made sure to never ask me to fight him again.

[onlytwdfanficstories]

Friends and enemies part 36

Belle "But isn't that against God's rules?"

Gabriel "It is, but I'm willing to break that rule."

Belle "Well, then God can punish you."

Gabriel "If it's God's desire, then I'll take the risk."

Meanwhile, Rick had gone to the room where Judith was lying on the bed.

Rick "Hey."

Judith didn't answer anything, she just stared at the wall.

Rick "Could you turn to look at me?"

Judith answered nothing.

Rick "Judith, please look at me."

Judith turned to look at Rick.

Judith "What the hell do you want?"

Rick "I came to see if you're okay."

Judith "I am, so you can go now."

Rick went to sit in a chair.

Judith "I said I was okay and you can go damn already."

Rick "You're not okay. You're just pretending to be."

Judith "I'm okay."

Rick "Who are you trying to fool me or yourself?"

Judith "I'm damn okay!"

Rick "You don't look like you are."

Judith "I am!"

Rick "If you're okay .... then why did you stage your suicide?"

Judith "I wanted attention, that's all."

Rick "I know that already. But you didn't do it just because you wanted attention, did you?"

Judith said nothing.

Rick "Just be honest with me and say if you're really okay."

Judith "I don't even know."

Rick "Know what?"

Judith "Can I tell you something?"

Rick "I'm listening."

Judith "I lost myself once and on way back up from bottom, i saw my name written across the sky and all the reasons why i was worthy of this climb. The sky broke open harder than i ever did to show me that even the strongest things break apart sometimes to learn about the grace of letting go, the strength of rising back up, and the beauty of finding yourself again. Now i say, i never lost myself at all, i was simply going through the process of bringing myself back home to me."

Rick "All the moments you swore would kill you and all of the sorrow you thought you'd surely die from had a role in getting you where you are now and look at you, living. Look at you....you didn't die. Sometimes the moments that kill us are the same moments that teach us how to live. It has to hurt before it doesn't anymore."

Judith "What do you mean?"

Rick "I am proud of you. Because after everything you've been through. You are still here. And you are still smiling and laughing regardless of all the bullshit you've been through. You haven't let anything break you. You are as strong as they come."

Judith "Are you proud of me even if I staged my suicide?"

Rick "I am, though that was perhaps the dumbest act you did."

Judith "And I'm sorry about that."

Rick "I know you are. And I forgive you."

Judith "Thank you."

Rick "And you don't have to call me Dad if you don't want to."

Judith "But you know I'm going."

Rick "I know."

In the meantime, elsewhere.

Emily "How did the bomb design progress?"

Eugene "It would go better if you didn't distract me."

Emily "Am I a distraction to you?"

Eugene "Yeah."

Emily "I'm doing nothing but sitting next to you and I haven't said anything, regardless."

Eugene "Well that's enough."

Emily "I can leave if you want. But then you would never get that damn bomb made."

Eugene "True."

Emily "I can go sit further away from you if that helps."

Eugene "Well, I doubt it would help anything."

Emily "You're something else."

Eugene "Nah .... I'm just a scientist."

Emily rolled her eyes.

Eugene "Give me a screwdriver."

Emily "Cross-headed or Chisel-headed?"

Eugene "Rosita."

Emily "Uh, I don't think Rosita would have turned into a screwdriver during this time."

Eugene "Huh?"

Emily "I asked if you needed a cross-headed or chisel-headed screwdriver and you answered that Rosita."

Eugene "Sorry, I don't know why I said that. I meant a cross-headed screwdriver."

Emily just looked strangely at Eugene.

Eugene "Now just give me that damn screwdriver."

Emily "Of course."

Emily took a cross-headed screwdriver and handed it to Eugene.

Emily "Here's your Rosita screwdriver."

Eugene "Stop that."

Eugene grabbed the screwdriver from Emily's hand and he started screwing the screws tight.

Emily "You don't need me anymore, do you?"

Eugene "Not right now."

Emily got up from the office chair.

Emily "I'm going to the kitchen, I'm thirsty and hungry."

Eugene "Okay. I'll call you if I need your help."

Emily "Okay."

Emily walked towards the door that led to the kitchen and she opened it and she went up the stairs and she closed the door and she walked up the stairs to the kitchen.

Rosita "Oh, hey. I didn't know you were here."

Emily stared at Abraham and Rosita who were also in the kitchen.

Emily "How long have you two been here?"

Abraham "Um ... we live in this house."

Emily "And that also means Eugene lives in this house with you, right?"

Rosita "Yeah and I can say he's no normal roommate."

Emily "Can I have something to eat and drink from the fridge?"

Rosita "Be our guest."

Emily walked to the fridge and she opened it and she took cheese, butter, sausage, a sandwich bag and juice from there. And she put them on the kitchen counter.

Abraham "You two have been in that garage for almost 6 hours."

Emily said nothing, she just made sandwiches.

Rosita "What are you doing there?"

Emily "Bomb, Literally."

Rosita "Eugene already did one and it exploded."

Emily "No shit."

Rosita "What if that bomb explodes too?"

Emily "You're exaggerating."

Rosita "I don't think so, it was just a fact."

Emily put a bag of sandwiches, butter, cheese and sausages back in the fridge. Then she took a glass cup from the cupboard and he poured juice into it and she closed the juice jar and she put it back in the fridge too.

Emily "Well, Eugene said that this time that bomb won't ....."

Emily couldn't finish her sentence when there was a bang in the garage.

Abraham "Come on, the bomb isn't going to explode, is it?"

Emily "Damn."

Emily dropped the sandwich and glass on the table and she ran back to the garage.

Emily "Eugene, what the hell happened?"

Eugene turned to look at Emily and her face was black.

Emily "You can't be damn serious!"

Eugene "Oops!"

Emily "This was a damn second time you manage to detonate a bomb in the middle of building it."

Eugene "That wasn't the intention."

Emily "Of course it wasn't."

Eugene "I don't know what went wrong."

Emily "I think I know what."

Eugene "Care to share?"

Emily "You weren't created to build bombs."

Eugene "Maybe that's true."

Emily "Maybe Abraham should build the next bomb."

Eugene "And why so?"

Emily "Then the chances of the bomb exploding would be minimal. Abrham has been a soldier. So I think he can dismantle and build bombs."

Eugene "That might be true."

to be continued...

[scriptscribbles]

I know you didn't reblog it but I saw an ask post on my dash about "5 things you'd change about a TV show/book/fandom if you could" and it seemed like something you may like doing sooooo (1/2)

I give you: Davies Who, Moffat Who, Sherlock, Game of Thrones, ASoIaF (as a separate 5 things to the show), Star Wars, aaaaand Class for good measure. Have fun! 😉

Thanks, anon! This sounds fun!

Davies Who 

Donna remembers. I don’t care how. Just, not this violation of her agency.

Use Donna to call Ten’s hubris out.

Kill Queen Victoria. It was the original plan for series 2, and it works far better for the story arc. The whole thing is about consequences for Ten and Rose and their behavior, them creating Torchwood through their irresponsibility, but as is I think it lacks the sting.

Have Rose not end up with the Doctor. I know, they’ve got star-crossed true love and all that. But I think part of what made them compelling was that they were so gleefully, ignorantly doomed. They were grinning and laughing and flirting from battlefield to battlefield and there’s a wonderful contrast in that. But they also need to face the consequences. I think something like Hell Bent for them would be better, something pushing Rose to realize that it’s in her best interest to leave him even as it breaks her own heart. I think the parallel world stuff is good, though, particularly since Jackie ends happy.

Give Mickey and Martha their own stories in their episodes. Let them be appreciated more for their own strength rather than sidelined by the Doctor’s dismissive attitude. And, uh, don’t have them randomly in a relationship out of nowhere. Build it up or don’t do it. Also, have Martha remain a Doctor rather than a soldier.

Moffat Who

I hate calling for monster returns, but a story of something like the Mara for Amy in series 7A or 6B. Something to suggest the trauma she’s had and the abandonment through surreal imagery. Stuff like Asylum of the Daleks or The God Complex acknowledges it well, but I want more. It’d be even better if she realizes she’s being taken over early but struggles to tell the Doctor or Rory because she’s afraid of them dismissing her. Moffat’s really good at inside head stories so it’d work well I think, particularly if they got Hurran in for it like so many in that era did.

Show us River’s wives. Clara and Jane Austen. Canton’s husband. I know these things are incidental to the plot, but the representation means so much more when you can see it. I love it as it is but I do think more is called for and is a reasonable request.

Cast something other than white people in The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People. Like, I think it’s a really underrated script, but a story about the plight of the oppressed needs a diverse cast, and it just utterly fails that.

Paternoster spinoff. Let it be the SJA to Class’ Torchwood, eh? They lend themselves so much to silly adventures, and they provide amazing representation. Only hurdle I could see is in their heavy makeup work, but I’m sure there’s ways around it, like Strax wearing the Sontaran helmet or Vastra her veil.

Get Davies back for an episode. I know Moffat’s tried, but, like, try harder. Please?

Sherlock

Make the nature of Irene’s sexuality and her attraction to Sherlock clearer because that discourse is hell

Reduce the quantity of not-gay jokes. They do make sense in acknowledging a long history of speculation and I don’t think they need to be excised entirely, but there is a bit too much

Kill John instead of Mary. It’d change up the shape of series 4 a fair bit, particularly given Mary has far less aversion to killing and would probably make quicker work of Eurus’ puzzles, but there’s gotta be stuff to be done with that. Perhaps her not being willing to kill anymore after seeing John shot? That could be interesting. I dunno. I just feel like, good as series 4 was, there’s a better version where John takes Mary’s place and Mary John’s.

More Sally. I know the actress was unavailable for series 3, but it’s a huge blow in diversity to a show that has basically none.

Cut The Blind Banker.

Game of Thrones

Get rid of all straight white men in the writing staff. Let me be clear, there is nothing inherently bad about someone being straight, white, or a man. But as there is so much ignorance towards intersectional issues in a text that needs to be aware of and critiquing them (something Martin generally does well in the books and is sort of a main point of the series), that needs to be shaken up.

Stannis would never burn Shireen and that was the dumbest plotting decision ever. No. Just no. Now, his wife, she would. Melisandre would. His soldiers would. But he wouldn’t. Seeing him pressured to burn his daughter or else the troops will leave him for not being sufficiently devoted to the red god could be a good way of keeping the beat while removing the out-of-character side to it. But as it is it just does not function. At all.

More of Sam’s book scenes. The show gets a bit too fixated on the upsetting material, upping torture and violence to extreme levels, when some of the strongest material is in the quieter character work. Sam and Gilly taking the boat south is one of those.

A different direction for Sansa. I’m not saying keep her in the Vale and out of the plot, I get why that’s an issue. But don’t subject her to Ramsay. Or to rape. Actually, too much Ramsay is easily one of the show’s biggest problems. They seem to think he’s compelling because he’s awful, but instead he’s just awful.

Make Dorne the planners like they are in the books. The show has gotten so much drama out of the likes of Littlefinger and Varys, surely the plotting of Dorne like in the books could make for excellent television. I’m not saying it needs to be the same as it was in the books, there are changes for a reason. But they were changed in the show to the most ridiculous and incoherent thing yet.

ASoIaF

Cut characters/plotlines. Yes, they all have thematic points to make. No, that does not make them all good storytelling. Many of the strands could be condensced, combined, or cut entirely. Not to say the show is the best example of that, just that there is sound logic in changing it because it just doesn’t flow as a story.

If you have to keep alluding to the sexual violence and critiquing it, please muster more sympathy for the victims. Would it hurt, for example, to have a PoV chapter for Shae, right at the end, so we know who she is? Or for Jeyne to get some agency rather than focusing just on Theon?

Have some victories. So many of the plotlines are subversions of classic narratives, like with Robb or Quentyn or Ned’s downfalls. But there comes a point when it gets too repetitive. There’s other twists stories can take that also build in the drama of the world. And if they’re so important to subvert, a standalone novella might be a better approach. For now the amount of these dead-end plots clutters an already chaotic series to make the pacing turgid and the overall scope confusing. Plus, the basic pleasure of telling a story involves victories as well as twists and horrific fates. I know this series is about subverting those pleasures, but it should do that by also finding new pleasures in unexpected places.

Deliver on teased developments. I know a lot of that’s a problem because A Feast for Crows and A Dance with Dragons are transitional pieces to get the characters in the right place after the climactic events of A Storm of Swords, but it means after five very long books we are still reading setup for things we have been expecting for literal thousands of pages, with new characters dropping in for even more setup. It makes the books frustrating to read at times. And saving all the shocking twists in all the storylines for the end of each of the books just makes it even tougher going.

More of the original cast. The series keeps adding in new characters, and while many of them are indeed interesting, it’s frustrating when Sansa, Jon, Daenerys, and Arya’s arcs are all grinding to a halt and their chapters become increasingly spread out. At the very least, if you’re going to keep adding PoV characters, do it like, say, Brienne was done. Have them expand from a prominent character’s storyline and then branch off into their own. Like, I love Jon Connington, but the man is utterly disconnected from basically everything. And there are so many disconnected plotlines now that many of them barely move at all.

Star Wars

Erase every racial stereotype alien

Poe kisses Finn on the forehead or something while he’s unconscious in The Force Awakens. Maybe an “I love you.” I need it for reasons.

No kid!Anakin or kid!Anakin flirting with Padme.

Either make Padme or Obi-Wan the main character of the prequel trilogy. Padme is a more interesting angle to see Anakin lose it from I think, and has better access to the political storyline Lucas clearly wants to tell. And Obi-Wan gets a lot of the most compelling material, his plot in Attack of the Clones in particular feeling like a hint of a far better film.

Cut the Bodhi interrogation stuff toward the beginning of Rogue One. Just have the pilot talked about a lot like they do and have them not actually meet him until the cell. Because as is, he breaks up the first act’s pacing quite badly and distracts too long from Jyn’s story.

Class

Less dialogue. I love a lot of the dialogue, but the show really needs more showing and letting the actors emote.

Make the two-parter one part. As it is the pacing just does not work at all.

Put Detained before the heart stuff. At the moment, the characters take too long to come into focus, not really doing so until Detained. It’s a good opportunity to take an already dysfunctional group, identify their flaws and tensions, and make that a focus of the series earlier on.

A different approach to the Shadowkin. Commit to an approach. Are they comedically rubbish? Terrifying menaces? A parody of toxic masculinity? An othered evil species? They don’t quite hit right and that hurts the plot arc. Also, their voices are edited poorly and that makes them hard to hear.

Promote the damn thing. Air it in a reasonable way in a reasonable hour when people will actually see it. Don’t just cut it loose and expect the Doctor Who brand will save it. If it utterly fails to get renewed, it’s down to how poorly it was promoted.