#gonna get back to posting about James and the Giant Peach

[weaselbeaselpants]

Making my own post and not linking OP because, genuinely I don't want them to get harassment for this

It's to the person who made this post

Full disclosure, for the UMPEENTH time: I don't give a rats ass about what Lily thinks about fictional characters. I used to. Then I met/knew/still know genuinely nice and critical people who hold the opinions Lily has but aren't Lily. I have friends who hate Steven Universe for justifiable reasons, same with SPOP. I personally dislike a lot of Friendship is Magic decisions and so do my mutuals like me. That's not the problem. Perhaps the reason people know OF Lily Orchard is through her -bad- media analysis, but it's not why people come away hating her, and it's DEFINITELY not the reason people are listening to the testimony of her victims and being rightfully horrified.

People talked of and about Lily Orchard for the same reason sane people clown on Mr. Enter; she's toxic and abusive. She's a bully and her 'idgaf' attitude is bad for fandoming and for critical culture. There's 'problematic' like critikal or breadtubers and then there is "lol fuck the haters who all want to r@pe me anyway, they're all n*zis anyway including the bipoc folks who I'm sure aren't real bipoc anyway. Now I'm going to police how other people take back slurs and how 'queer' is inherently offensive. I'm the REAL VOICE OF JUSTICE."

I called Lily the worst of "anti" fandom rhetoric because I mean it. She is a 'social-justice warrior' in the meanest ugliest sense of that word -ugly enough that basically everyone who's been called that by actual chuds will describe her as one. She talks over other people doing social justice, polices how other people use it, and only really cares about how it affects her. Frequently when people leave her fandom it's because Lily and her crew very cruelly shooed them away for not fitting Lily's exact interests and opinions 100%. Frankly I kind of hate that her attitude is labeled as 'radical' or 'anarchonistic' because she's 'unapologetic'. No. Real anarchists are people like decolonizetheleft or heritageposts --those two are both very blunt and quick to bite back if you throw them bullshit, but they also are not vitriolic and know that people are complex even when they post stuff other people wouldn't. Lily's not even a good call-out machine. She's nothing on HBomberGuy or D'Angelo Wallace or Shanespear. I'm still mad at her, not for SU, but how she responded to other critics of SU who told her not to joke about Rebecca Sugar being a fascist. She told them, some of them Jewish people, that they're just butthurt at her ripping and not her trying to talk over other people. I'm still mad at her for siding with a n*zi until she realized that looked bad for her and her cruelty towards other lgbtq people over how they use the word "queer".

She's been doing this for YEARS. She dropped in on old brony discourse this exact same way and it fucking sucked because, you know, people in fandom or the show itself DID do shitty things. We needed genuine help weeding out the bad actors around us; it sucked that one of said bad actors was trying to speak for us. Now imagine this but amplified to a woman with some native heritage trying to talk down how other people see and talk about THEIR cultures. It's always been a massive headache.

Britt has also been around for years though and so has all the evidence and trails left of Stockholm before Lily decided to redact it completely. Lily absolutely wrote that. She absolutely wrote cp. I was there for back when she still proudly referenced it.

"Why don't you move on and stop obsessing?"

Believe me I'd LIKE to. It's that extra element of worrying behavior that goes beyond annoyance with a youtuber like Lindsay Ellis or Quinton Reviews that has kept me always watching from the sidelines. If I be an "anti" (frankly, every proshipper I've ever met who's seen the receipts from Stockholm has the same take as me, so idk) for having 0 tolerance fictional material of children than it would be hypocritical not to hold 'one of my own' up to those standards especially when she DOESN'T own up to writing it when I know for a fact she did.

Fuck lousy chudheads and Vaushsluts and general KFcreeps who think any of this is funny and 'just lolcow behavior' and misgender Lily while they do it. Fuck transphobes.

Transphobes, chuds and ''stalkers'' are not the people ILoveKimPossibleALot brought into her video. Op, I genuinely hope you get away from Lily's influence. You deserve better. For now though I'm putting you and anyone else who unironically stans Lily on block. I am done hearing anymore excuses for this woman's character. I can't hear that anymore than I can't hear actual bigots use Lily to besmerch others -other trans folks, other liberals, other disabled people like me. I'm done.

[the-acid-pear]

I hit post limit but I'm watching James and the Giant Peach anyway so what about we do it in the style of my Baki liveblogs?

Oh yeah baby this format is coming back. No pics will be taken which makes me sad! But alas...

I think it's worth mentioning i haven't watched this movie since i was a kid so i don't remember anything other than it having a nice vibe

THIS KID IS MADE OUT OF FLESH AND THESE PPL ARE BRITISH. WHADDAHELL...

I was joking w Blood about the family dying after the boat crashes but um. I guess the rhyno won? Whatever THAT means...

I want these aunts to sandwich me they could make me worse

JWDGWKDVJWDV THE FUCKING WARREN WASTELAND 💀💀💀 that's how england looks to me 😍/j

FUCK YEAH FEET REVEAL THESE WOMEN WERE MADE FOR ME‼️

OH IT WAS A REAL RHYNO? 💀

THEY ARE GONNA COOK HIM

The kid is singing. Anyway, that spider def poisonous 💀

This kiddo is depressing bruh

Sings like shit tho ngl

James doesn't know what a poisonous spider looks like but he sure knows how to make a perfect paper balloon first try 💀

Second degree murder 😁👍

THAT DUDE SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME LMAO

SIR YOU ARE A CERTIFIED FREAK

BLINK MOTHERFUCKER

Man is scaring me more than he's scaring James but that's only bc unlike this weird isolated British orphan i was taught about stranger danger

I think James is just having a psychotic breakdown because of all the physical and psychological abuse he has been thru /j

LMAO THIS KID IS A FAILURE

Spiker you are like 180 cm you could get it yourself 😐

The way this peach came to be is both hilarious and cute this tree is winning rn

This movie has extremely funny dialogue i love Spiker sm

THE FAKE ASS TEAR 😭😭😭

Pretty based of them to make the priest pay double NGL

The rhyno threats are fucked up but so goofy bc. It's a fucking rhyno 💀

Maybe they mean the guy from spiderman tho, i mean, they WERE going to New York after all...

Damn i cracked the code

Strong ass kid ate the worm 😨

HEY I REMEMBER THAT MANY HANDED BASTARD I HAD A CRUSH ON HIM OMFG... This feels like seeing an old ex 💀

God i adore these bugs sm they are so shape

This spider is so hot, even hotter than i remembered

KQGWKVDNSGER THIS GUY IS SUCH A JERK I LOVE HIM

Rhinnoceri... I need to fuck this cricket <- guy so horny he forgot the word

THE LADY BUG IS A MILF

Isn't it kinda... Racist, to call another bug a maggot?

This music goes hard

What about da worm........? 🥺

That worm is prob like would u still love me if i was a human?

"now i have two half brothers" 💀💀💀

Didn't realize the bugs were huge. Even MORE culeables!

Omg milves DIED

Nvm girlboss powah

Damn they're actually bleeding tho

THEY ARE IN DA SEA, THAT WORM IS GONNA DIE

Omg he wears glasses cuz he's a worm therefore blind that's so cute

The spider hates this centipede sm 💀

LTDJEHSDJ I'M SURE THEY DO CENTIPEDE

This movie is just a bunch of European immigrants falling for the American dream

EVERYONE HATES THIS CENTIPEDE SM LMAO

This is abuse of the disabled

KSHDJDJZHZKGXG WORM ILY

Sick ass shark ngl

Do you think earthworm and centipede ever explored each other's bodies?

This is animal abuse

Oh he's from Brooklyn that's cute 🥺

AT THE SPENCE OF HIS LIFE, JAMES. STOP TRYING TO DOWNPLAY HIS TRAUMA!!

Maybe they do have a point tho

THE CRICKET IS A GILF⁉️ :Y

Worm deadass said 🥵

I thought they knew but were carnivorous what a bunch of fucking idiots. Bet they are doing this only to make James feel better about himself...

Well Mr centipide that's bc you didn't taste this c-

Sorry.

These idiots are gonna eat da whole peach -_-

OH POODLES AS IN WATER NOT DOGS OK...

...OR MAYBE HE MEANT DOGS? ARE CRICKETS CARNIVOROUS???

These bitches r getting drunk 💀

We got peach'd

WORM IS FAT LMAO 🥺

Girlie they are all nice to you too, maybe tad bit obnoxious but not MEAN.

THIS KID IS THREATENING TO KILL HIMSELF 💀

This is one of the coolest dream scenes I've ever seen

I bet his parents are alive and just abandoned him /j

CRICKET JUST CALLED CENTIPIDE AND ASS

They made a fucking dick joke I'm. Gonna fucking die.

They are gonna fuckin kill my man

JAMES... BABY......

THE CRICKET GOING 😱 LMAO

CRICKET KICKED HIM IN THE FACE HOLY FUCK

Look i know he lied but these people have no fucking mercy... They are literally gonna make him and ME cry..... ...... ..

NO. THATS SO FUCKED UP THIS MOVIE IS SO FUCKED UP THIS MESSAGE IS SO FUCKED UP.

"he's commiting pesticide!" I'm gonna shit myself

LMAO HE ADMITTED IT WAS HIS FAULT good.

WORM BABY PLEASE WJDGJAVECEBF DONT SAY HELPED 💀💀💀💀💀

Ladybug just spanked spider, Kinky

Literally no hurry at all my man is just walking like it's an afternoon in the park

Lmao nice Jack cameo

They are gonna kill my man, again

HOLY FUCK THEY ARE ACTUALLY TRYING TO KILL HIM

"hey that one felt pretty good!" He gets it.

I love him for his American swag

KILLING HIM FR

OH THANK YOU LADY THANK YOU... 😭

MY KINGGFGGG ITXJFgsheaysrsudruddi 💥

Stop being homophobic worm let them kiss too

Aw worm got the hat kdjdthjf 🥺

SPIDER N LADYBUG ARE DOING LESBIANISM TOGETHER...

OMG HE'S A GRASSHOPPER NOT A CRICKET 😭😭

Too long of a name tho sticking to calling him cricket -_-

They are fucking

This grasshopper is fucking racist...

This movie is so lovely they are his family man... ;;

God Ms spider i think i hauve covid

This kid is definitely just dead on his yard hallucinating btw /j

THEY WON'T ALWAYS BE TOGETHER STOP B4 I CRY...

DA RHYNO NOOO......!!!!!!!!

ANYTHING BUT JERSEY WJCSJSFSHSF

I'M GONNA FUCKIN CRY Y'ALL

HIS FRIENDSSSSS 😭😭😭😭

This is so sad Alexa play Despacito

How did he lose the tie? 💀

EL LECHERO LMAO

Hang on, they weren't in England? They were in America? How did the aunts make it here in that beaten old car?

AH NVM THEY WENT THRU THE WATER LMAO

YEAH SAME JAMES NO SHIT

Before photoshop existed lol

THEY ARE GASLIGHTING THIS CHILD

HEY WHAT'S UP FREAKY OLD MAN!

Shut up James 💀

JAMES SNAPS!?

FUCK YEAH LITTLE BOY!!!

MURDER ATTEMPT 💀💀💀

Second degree murder 😁👍

OOOOHHHH?????

GQNWG KEGSJDVQNS YEAAAAHHHHHH LET'S FYCJING GOOOOO

SICK EM BOYS, RIGHT IN FROM OF THE CROWD 💀

PUBLIC EXECUTION LMAO

Wig

Those women are dying dudes ...

"god bless the colonies" glow-worm lady... 💀

"go ahead!" A hero of the people, communist icon

This movie is gonna make me happy cry look at my guys and James...

SICK ASS SEED

Best found family tale ever what a fucking win.

Well freaky little man you are kinda fine when not talking to little boys in the dark of night ngl

AJDVSNDVNDBR CENTIPIDE FOR PRESIDENT WOULD VOTE‼️

Oooojlhhlhndnbggvt WORM GETTING EM LADIES FUCK YEAH 🥴

God this is so pretty everyone is thriving and they are friends and it was all real and shit omfg 😭💞

The ending song is so good too... 🥺

OH POST CREDITS!!

Abuse revenge heaven 💀

WELL WASN'T THAT FUCKING LOVELY? MAYBE THE BRI ISH AINT SO BAD AFTER ALL... Time for some final thoughts! 😁💞

AAAAUAHGNGNMGBGMGNGNGH BROOOTHER WHEN I TELL YOU I LOVED THIS MOVIE... IT WAS SO FUCKING LOVELY.

I did not only love every single fucking character present here, but the designs and the music and the animation god, AND HELL THE HUMOR TOO!! Fucking caught me off guard more than once ngl, but it was great 💀💀

And of course, the thing i loved THE most is having a found family not be separated... :']]

I think this movie does a great job portraying abuse and trauma and PTSD in a very child friendly manner, the lessons it puts there are quite lovely tbh. I wish we could've seen more characters get developed tho!! The two who got the most relevancy and depth were grasshopper and centipide which tbh is ok bc i love them but a little lesson from all of the characters would've been nice too... 🥺

There's, however, a big elephant in the room that i gotta acknowledge, and that is the aunts. As y'all might have realized, my carnal desire for them surpasses my logical brain and makes me overlook the abuse they put James thru which quite honestly parallels my own real one.

I'm speaking w a British accent in my mind alright fucking cringe anyway, aside from the most obvious reason, that being my rampant lust and homosexual tendencies, i wish they hadn't tried to make the characters ugly = evil.

Like idk i think they were kinda bland! I couldn't take their villainous portrayal seriously when most of the time it was like "haha isn't it devious how ugly these old women are??" Like no i need them to ruin me.

I think I'm just a bit disoriented i think blood might not be coming to my head, y'all tell me if I'm making any sense...

Anyway, overall, is this movie good? OF THE BEST I'VE SEEN IN A WHILE if not for a bit of lost potential it would have been absolutely perfect!! And yesss, of course i recommend it!! It's such a fun time w such a rewarding end :'33 truly wonderful 🦗

[desiraypark]

Clyde x Sherri Master Post

Clyde x Sherri is an ongoing non-linear series about (now) married couple, Clyde and Sherri (Simmons) Logan. Clyde and Sherri are currently living it up in “real-time”, but entries could be set in the past or future. Sometimes major events are sped up (ex: in real-time, they moved to Norfolk, VA in September 2020, but I’ve been writing them in their new city since July 2020).  This post (which is long, I must add) contains a breakdown of the series entries and some story development details (the Capricorn jumps out, y’all).  Full Series in Posting Order (Entry Breakdown below) LONG POST WARNING

ENTRY INDEX ( *- means they’re being sexy and/or they’re gonna bang) Before They Met July 1992 (Young Clyde x Sherri cross paths) Dating Era The First Date “Familiar” (How They Met) Untitled Prompt Request (Clyde asking Sherri to quit one of her jobs) “Was it for a good reason?” (Sherri learns about the robbery)  Shattered (continuation of the previous) Locked Away (cont. of the prev.) No More Secrets (cont. of the prev.) - Sherri x Jimmy Like Magnets (cont. of the prev.) Meet the Parents (Clyde meets Terry & Ramona Simmons) “Where’s Sherri?” (Request/Clyde x Sherri at a family cookout) Honeybunch (Why Sherri calls Clyde “Honeybunch”) Movin’ In (Prompt request)

Married (Before the child/children) Dearly Beloved (Part of their Wedding) Shut Up, Clyde* (Their Honeymoon) Summer Madness (Summer fluff) Bare Feet (Prompt Request - Clyde and Sherri enjoy a kiddie pool) Lil’ House Guest (Critter alert) Have Clyde’s Cake and Eat It, Too (Sherri can’t resist sweets) Sherri Logan, P.I.* (A lil’ roleplay)  Bad* (A hint of dominatin’ Clyde) Are We Ready? (Discussing children) “Where is my tongue?!” (Sherri gets her wisdom teeth pulled) A Birthday First* (Sherri puts on a show) Lunch Time* (Clyde his hungry) “Love Won’t Let Me Wait”* (Baby Fever in a thunderstorm) Yoink! (Sherri is not to be trifled with) Headed West (Clyde and Sherri move) Every Room* (You see what it says) Something in Common (Clyde and Sherri meet their neighbors) A Mean Old Fashioned (Clyde gets a new job) “Her Name is Sherri.” (Clyde finds the perfect job for Sherri) A Long Night* (If you give a Clyde a remote...) Negative to a Positive (Sherri suspects pregnancy) Deserving (Sherri helps Clyde through anxiety) Bad Mood* (Clyde fixes that lil’ attitude) Babies with Dimples (Clyde and Sherri have too much to drink) Sherri and the Giant Peach (Sherri tries on business clothing) Apple Pie (Sherri freestyles a popular dessert) Chef Sadie (Sadie goes on a cooking competition reality show) Too Much* (Clyde lets out some frustration) No Solids / No Sweets (Sherri’s sick and refuses to do the right thing) Cherries & Honey (Sherri gets a tattoo) The Near Future The Big People (From Clyde and Sherri’s child’s POV) Shush. (Pregnant Sherri wants Clyde to be comfortable) Peanut Butter Jelly Time! (Pregnant Sherri is hungry and horny) The Family Man (Clyde’s dad returns) Catwoman (The Logans go trick-or-treating) The Distant Future Ruby (Clyde and Sherri’s 40th Anniversary) The Weight (Part I - Part II) (Sherri deals with impostor’s syndrome) With Others No More Secrets (Sherri x Jimmy) The Little Things (Clyde x James Cooke) Extra Stuff The World of Clyde x Sherri - “behind-the-scenes” type stuff (includes their birth charts, text conversations, descriptions of their homes, etc.) Sim Clyde x Sherri (I made them in The Sims 4) _______________________ MAJOR TIMELINE The events of Logan Lucky are pushed back to 2015 solely because I wanted Clyde and Sherri to have known each other for a long-time (again, relative to “real-time”).  2015 Early May - Clyde got locked up Late August - Clyde got out December - Clyde moved into his own two-bedroom home // Clyde and Sherri “formally” met.  2017 January - Clyde and Sherri started dating Early April - Clyde and Sherri broke up Early May - Clyde and Sherri got back together Late May - Sherri formally met Jimmy and Mellie  June - Clyde met Sherri’s separated parents (Terry and Ramona Simmons) 2018 March - Clyde and Sherri got engaged September - Clyde and Sherri got married “2020″ September - Clyde and Sherri moved to Norfolk, VA. ______________________ BACKGROUND STORIES Some Clyde Logan headcanons; Sherri Logan development Content/Trigger Warnings: Depression; impostor syndrome; self-doubt; death; parent death; war mention; war injury mention; abandonment (by a parent); cancer mention. Sherri (Simmons) Logan was born on January 25, 1988, in Charleston, West Virginia. Her family moved to Boone when she was a toddler. She has an older sister named Robyn and a little brother named Terry Jr (aka TJ). Sherri graduated high school with a 4.0 GPA and attended North Carolina Central University where she studied Early Childhood Education for two years. Her life’s dream was to become an elementary school librarian. While in college, Sherri’s parents separated. As a result, she became depressed, and eventually so overwhelmed with school work that she dropped out.  Despite her inner desire, Sherri avoided any work in the education field and took on jobs in retail and customer service. When she and Clyde started dating, she worked two jobs--cashier at a dollar store and cashier at a local supermarket. She was also living with her best friend, Tasha. Sherri still feels the “sting” of (self-imposed) embarrassment that has come with being “the one who was supposed to “make it” but didn’t”, but occasionally considers returning to school. Sherri’s sister, Robyn, moved back to Charleston when she married Devon. They have a son, Devon Jr (aka DJ), and a baby girl named Princess. Her brother, TJ, lives in Atlanta, GA. Sherry currently works as the morning/afternoon receptionist at Busy Bees Daycare. Entries to Reference: “July 1992″, “Her name is Sherri.”, “Untitled Prompt Request”, “Familiar”. Clyde Logan was born on November 25, 1983, in Boone, West Virginia to Donna Logan and Timothy Green. He has an older brother named James (aka Jimmy) and a little sister named Melody (aka Mellie). When Clyde was about eight years old, Timothy (never having married Donna), abandoned his family--only sending the occasional postcard to his parents and for the first couple of years, birthday cards to his kids (through his parents). When Donna died of cancer in 1996, the Logan children moved in with their maternal grandparents, Aaron and Sylvia. 

Around this time, Clyde noticeably became more introverted, but often got in trouble for little mischievous acts (ex: setting off the school fire alarm to get out of a test; the occasional schoolyard fight). He joined the Army after high school and just as he was returning home after a second tour in Iraq, Clyde lost the lower part of his left arm in a roadside accident. Inspired by his newfound love for cooking shows, Clyde began taking bartending classes, and late in 2004, started working at Duck Tape. He worked there for sixteen years. 

Aaron and Sylvia Logan have since passed away (Aaron in 1999, Sylvia in 2008), as has Clyde’s paternal grandmother, Betty (d. 2013). His brother Jimmy currently lives in Greenbrier County, WV has a daughter named Sadie and a fiancée named (ironically), Sylvia. Mellie is recently married to Joe Bang. Clyde currently works as day bartender at a posh restaurant called Strafford’s Kitchen.  Entries to Reference: “July 1992″, “Familiar”, “A Mean Old Fashioned”, “Headed West”.  _____________________ I even have a work schedule for these two but I’m gonna to sit down somewhere and finish this. Bye. Lol.

[nightunite]

I'm the soft sibling but... A-all of them??

I’ve been waiting, my sibster...

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Probably @safetyfirstbiatch

 2. Are you outgoing or shy? 

Shy in the beginning, outgoing afterwards!

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? 

@safetyfirstbiatch @tricksandmagix

4. Are you easy to get along with? 

Sometimes

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? 

Probably not

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? 

Loyal, funny, can tease me like I tease them, won’t mock my anxiety, etc.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? 

Nope

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? 

Gonna say Bucky Barnes

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? 

Nah

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? 

@binkysteebnpewter @breadgenie892 @fuzzy-cloud-head-queen @andyl394

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? 

“I might post this on tumblr”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? 

Blink-182: Black rain

Halsey&Marina Mashup: Gasoline and Savages

Saweetie: My type

Dermot Kennedy: Power Over You

chillpill: Fuck the Club

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? 

Nope

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? 

Yep

15. What good thing happened this summer? 

SHAVED ICE AND THE FAM

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? 

Nah

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? 

Yes

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? 

Nah

19. Do you like bubble baths? 

Yes

20. Do you like your neighbors? 

Nah

21. What are you bad habits? 

Impulsive, loud, awkward, dont like vacuuming

22. Where would you like to travel? 

Yes

23. Do you have trust issues? 

Yes

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? 

Nap time

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? 

Thighs

26. What do you do when you wake up? 

Play Animal Crossing

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? 

No but I wish it was healthy

28. Who are you most comfortable around? 

@safetyfirstbiatch

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? 

Yup

30. Do you ever want to get married? 

Sure

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? 

It’s always up so yeah

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

None?

 33. Spell your name with your chin. 

(Cant attempt this tbh I have a big ol hormone zit about ready to pop)

34. Do you play sports? What sports? 

Nope

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? 

Without TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? 

Of course!

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Some stupid joke or story

 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? 

I’ve answered this in previous asks but see #6

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? 

Lush, Barnes&Noble, Candy Stores

40. What do you want to do after high school? 

I’m already a college graduate, but lab work

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? 

No

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? 

I’m either busy, sleeping, or anxious

43. Do you smile at strangers? 

Sometimes

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Outer space

 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? 

Animal Crossing and food

46. What are you paranoid about?

Everything tbh anxiety sucks 

47. Have you ever been high? 

No

48. Have you ever been drunk? 

No

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? 

No but I’ve been hella simping

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? 

Grey and yellow, my hufflepuff hoodie

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Nah

 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? 

Have healthier skin aka no genetic issues

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Dont wear any

 54. Favourite store? 

Barnes&Noble

55. Favourite blog? 

@bunjywunjy

56. Favourite colour? 

Periwinkle

57. Favourite food? 

I’m a slut for pretzel bites right now

58. Last thing you ate? 

Cheese ravioli

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Sour cream&onion chips

 60. Ever won a competition? For what? 

Won a ribbon for a literary contest

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? 

Nah

62. Been arrested? For what? 

Nah

63. Ever been in love? 

Don’t know tbh

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? 

Already answered this on previous asks, but it was after a movie in his car

65. Are you hungry right now? 

Nah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? 

Nah, they’re equal

67. Facebook or Twitter? 

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr? 

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? 

Nah

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

@safetyfirstbiatch @tricksandmagix

71. Craving something? What? 

Shaved ice, blue raspberry and lime flavor

72. What colour are your towels? 

Salmon pink and mold green, got em real ugly

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 

2, one under my head and one against my side

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? 

Yup a Totodile

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 

Like 80+

75. Favourite animal? 

Frogs

76. What colour is your underwear? 

Black

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? 

Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? 

Chocolate

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? 

Black

80. What colour pants? 

Black

81. Favourite tv show? 

Masterchef

82. Favourite movie? 

James and the Giant Peach

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? 

Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 

Mean Girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? 

Janis

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? 

Dory

87. First person you talked to today? 

The fam

88. Last person you talked to today? 

The fam

89. Name a person you hate? 

Trump

90. Name a person you love? 

@safetyfirstbiatch

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? 

Anti-vaxxers

92. In a fight with someone? 

Nah

93. How many sweatpants do you have? 

2 pairs

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 

like 6

95. Last movie you watched? 

Sky High (I regret nothing)

96. Favourite actress? 

Zendaya

97. Favourite actor? 

Sebastian Stan

98. Do you tan a lot? 

Nope

99. Have any pets? 

A cat and a corgi

100. How are you feeling? 

Pretty alright

101. Do you type fast? 

Yup!

102. Do you regret anything from your past? 

A couple things, time I wish I had listened better

103. Can you spell well? 

Decently

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? 

Not really

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? 

Nope!

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? 

Probably but I was never told

107. Have you ever been on a horse? 

Nope

108. What should you be doing? 

Sleeping

109. Is something irritating you right now? 

My back

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? 

Yup!

111. Do you have trust issues?

Of course

 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? 

@safetyfirstbiatch while laughing I’m pretty sure

113. What was your childhood nickname? 

‘Hey you’

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? 

Yes, been to several other states and the Bahamas

115. Do you play the Wii? 

I used, played so much Harvest Moon Animal Parade

116. Are you listening to music right now? 

Yup, mothra’s theme

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? 

Nope

118. Do you like Chinese food? 

Nope

119. Favourite book? 

The Serpent King is one of my favorites

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Nah

 121. Are you mean? 

Sometimes

122. Is cheating ever okay? 

In extreme extenuating circumstances like ‘You refuse to let me out of this marriage despite knowing we don’t even like each other’

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? 

Somewhat yeah

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? 

Yeah

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yeah

 126. Are you currently bored? 

Nah

127. What makes you happy? 

Little things; rain, smell of a new book, soft sheets.

128. Would you change your name? 

Nah

129. What your zodiac sign? 

Leo

130. Do you like subway? 

Nah

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 

Either let em down easy or see if it works

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 

The fam

133. Favourite lyrics right now? 

Dont have any honestly

134. Can you count to one million? 

Sure but it takes a while

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

‘Can’t go, Mom needs me to watch the dog’ -Dog is in fact being taken to daycare in plain view of person

 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? 

Open a crack

137. How tall are you?

5′6

 138. Curly or Straight hair? 

Wavy

139. Brunette or Blonde? 

Brunette

140. Summer or Winter? 

Fuck both, Fall

141. Night or Day? 

Night

142. Favourite month? 

July

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope

 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Milk

 145. Tea or Coffee? 

Neither, soda

146. Was today a good day?

Yeah it was pretty great

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers even though I have a peanut sensitivity

 148. What’s your favourite quote?

Don’t have one, sorry

 149. Do you believe in ghosts? 

Yup! 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

“This is madness” - Sorcery of Thorns

[svtskneecaps]

ok so i dreamed

so there was this kid right and i guess he was one of the kids that lives in the houses behind mine, but i'm just chilling in my seat by the windows and suddenly he's next to me like hey guys :) and i was like bro wtf??? bc i mean I WAS ON THE SECOND FLOOR, turns out my brain thought there was a ladder (i didn't see a ladder, but i guess he had one) and he'd busted a hole in the window screen (if he wasn't cute i'd be mad)

there were also adults fighting in my yard, like throwing shit, and also a guy in red on the patio who i was sure was a minecraft creeper and i was like "this dumbass with the sword is gonna blow up part of my house!" but he didn't explode and i guess turned into stone so he's probably some form of batman villain

anyway then my mom was like "alright we're gonna have dinner" so i went into the kitchen (and idek where the kid is he's just gone) and apparently they were having problems with the fridge and also wonwoo was there, so then i had to go into the other room and climb a wall video game style and i guess go through a window to fix it so that was weird, also i made a tumblr post about it

but i never got dinner cause instead i ended up driving to somebody's mansion or something like i was in my little red chevy but with me was this heiress girl who was related to the people who owned the mansion and lived there, some blond curly haired guy who was lowkey cute and had a name that started with a B, probably wonwoo still (although he said 'seeya' p quick and dipped out of the dream), and a wild and random assortment of adults related to the heiress (it was like a clown car in there)

i guess B had been involved in the fighting in my yard? he was there with some other like man (B was like 16 or 17 while the other guy was like grizzled warrior style, like a mentor-mentee situation) and the heiress and her family went into the mansion dining room and he and the other dude went to talk to a couple people in the house, by order of the heiress's family. grizzled man was not happy. B just looked kinda scared

i kinda watched this bit almost like a movie? they split them up and i sorta stuck with B as kind of half-present, half-camera, and this like police officer / therapist woman talked to him for a minute and did a stat check, and there was a laugh track after certain things she said (but none of it was funny and she didn't know when to pause for the laugh track she always waited too long, i was annoyed. she also almost found my tumblr somehow, so i was like panic scrolling through it to make sure it couldn't be traced back to me; while i was doing that i found out i'd boight wonwoo like six black sweatshirts, not sure why but i think he liked them so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

and then eventually, the heiress, B and i decided it was time to skip town, so we booked it across their giant parking lot of a driveway (it was in front of their mansion but it was just a straight up parking lot) to get to my car, and B's not very good at running but he's doing his best! (at one point here i said his name bc he was like almost caught but i still don't remember what it was)

and by the time we finally get to my car, the heiress had to split off i guess to buy us time, so i peel out of the parking space and take out a white picket fence or two on my way and we go back around the parking lot to find her, but she's not there. instead we get flagged down by two workers who point us to a U-Haul trailer or some crap, where two of the heiress's relatives are standing (think the aunts from james and the giant peach). they're wearing wigs but we can still see their natural hair and we're like well. she's here somewhere

and then i never found her cause i woke up

although it wasn't for lack of trying. i tried to go back. i swear.

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Secret Wars chapter 1: Meet Tony Stark (originally posted on November 19, 2017)

AN: Greetings everyone! My name is Lightyearpig, you may remember me from such stories like Fooly Falls and Clod on the Run. Today, I bring you an epic sequel to Clod on the Run focusing on the rest of the Marvel Universe that our heroes explore all leading up to a final showdown with the Mad Titan himself! I call it Steven Universe: Secret Wars! To clarify, this takes place after the events of Wanted as it will be shown in Chapter 3 of this part and Part 2. I plan on releasing Part 1 throughout the remainder of 2017 while I plan on beginning Part 2 in February 2018 to commemorate the release of Black Panther. I hope we have a fun ride together and now, on with the show!

"I am deeply sorry sir, but we're going to have to reject your offer due to numerous health complications, but I have to commend you on your patriotism." a recruitment officer said to one Steven Grant Rogers. It was December 1941, the height of World War II and America joining the fight against Adolf Hitler and Nazi Germany.

"Please sir, I beg you to give me a chance." Steve pleaded him. "You are ineligible on your asthma alone." the officer rebuked. "Well what can I do?" the young man wondered. "Just stay out of the war and save your own skin. I've recruited too many men that lost their lives out there and I don't want to do it again."

Walking out of the office, Steve looked down at his feet and started walking. He wondered how he could help his country regardless of his frail state, about how proud his parents would've been if he helped them win. Just then, he heard a voice coming from a nearby alleyway.

"Alright babe, if you're not gonna talk, guess I'll have to make you!" a common thug shouted. Thinking that sounded like trouble, Rogers rushed into the alley where he discovered a crook cornering a tall woman with fair skin, pink hair and a jacket over a white dress with a star on her stomach showing a strange stone.

"You leave her alone sir!" Steve called to the criminal, who turned around to eye him. "Oh yeah, and what you gonna do about that scrawny?" he asked grabbing Steve by the neck and slamming him against the wall next to the woman. "So any last words pal?" he said letting go of the young lad who put up his fists. "I could do this all day."

The brute started punching young Steve in various parts of his body like his face, torso, knee and arm before he picked up a trash can lid to use as a shield. "You think you're gonna protect yourself with that bub? Think again!" cried the scoundrel as he prepared to shoot him with a gun before the bullet was deflected by a large pink shape...belonging to the woman.

"You leave him alone!" she demanded pulling out a sword. "Oh, the big pink broad wanna fight me now? Well what ya waitin' for, bring it!"

"No, I refuse to fight you, but I won't let you hurt this man! Now leave or there will be consequences." the woman insisted and the criminal complied, running off like a coward. "Good Lord, that lady means business! I should get outta here before-" he worried before being cornered by a tall man in a military uniform. "Oh crap."

"Are you alright mister?" the woman asked Steve kneeling down to him. "I'm fine m'am, no need to worry." replied Steve as he struggled to get up, his wounds still fresh. "Here, allow me." she offered kissing him on the forehead, which instantly healed his injuries. "Whoa, thank you miss. I uh, didn't get your name."

"My name is Rose Quartz sir." the woman, now calling herself Rose, introduced herself. "Steve Rogers, glad to meet you." Steve replied shaking her hand. "Steve, I've been wondering where you were." a voice called out to him, its owner appearing to them.

"Bucky, good to see you here. I want you to meet Rose Quartz, I tried to help her against this jerk and-" Steve began to introduce Rose before his old friend Bucky Barnes interrupted him. "I actually am pretty familiar with Ms. Quartz. Plus she has an entourage as well."

As Bucky spoke, three other women came up from behind him. The first wore shades & had square hair, the second was shorter with purple skin and the third had peach-colored hair & a pointy nose. "Thank you helping us find Rose James." the third woman thanked Bucky. "You're very welcome Pearl."

"And I suppose you must be Steve Rogers." the square one said adjusting her eyewear to make the New Yorker appear in their reflection. "How did you know?" he asked. "Your friend told us about you. My name is Garnet." she answered.

"What up, I'm Amethyst." her shorter companion added. "And I'm Pearl." Pearl concluded. "So, Bucky told me you wanted to enlist in some war?" she wondered.

"That's right, World War II. All Adolf Hitler wants is to annihilate the Jewish people & conquer the world with an army of super-soldiers known as HYDRA. The United States have only recently joined the effort against them and started recruiting dozens of young men to fight."

"I still don't understand, why would humans be so hateful towards one another?" Rose lamented sorrowfully. "That's just how life is Rose. And that's why I've wanted to join." Steve answered with determination. "I like your spirit, but why?" Amethyst asked. "Because it's simply the right thing to do."

"Repeated monster attacks in seaside town, ocean disappears, giant green hand appears in Delmarva, missing person reports, local boy and donut shop employee abducted by aliens. Good grief, I wonder why the government hasn't gotten their hands on this town already!" a bearded man in a suit and sunglasses wondered examining various news articles on his tablet. This was Tony Stark, genius inventor and head of Stark Industries, one of the leaders of the technology industry. He was on a private jet headed for a little town in Delmarva called Beach City to investigate some recent events concerning alien lifeforms.

"Let me ask again Tony, why are we going to this place again?" his red-haired colleague and girlfriend Pepper Potts wondered. "That I can answer for you Pepp." Tony's chauffeur Happy Hogan replied. "We've gotten reports from S.H.I.E.L.D that those Guardians of the Galaxy weirdos have entered this town and brought an entire Chitauri invasion with them led by a cyborg tiger & a blue lady with a whip." he explained. "Woo, now that's something I'd never think I would say."

"Thanks for the exposition Happy, plus Fury did say he may know a thing or two about these four weirdos." Tony said as he pulled up the image the director of S.H.I.E.L.D sent him of the four beings, which Potts and Hogan examined with concern. "Is that white lady some kind of bird?" Pepper asked. "And why are they so brightly colored?" Happy added.

"Mr. Stark, we are about to touch down in Delmarva Airport. Everyone fasten your seatbelts." a robotic voice called to them. "Thanks J.A.R.V.I.S, looks like we better buckle up."

Upon finally touching down and exiting the plane, the three were immediately swarmed by photographers & news reporters with a single figure standing by himself next to a limo. "Ladies and gentlemen you won't believe it when you see it, but TONY STARK HAS COME TO DELMARVA!" Lawrence Abrams cried with excitement as he made a grand gesture towards Stark.

"Yes yes, it's awesome that I've come here." Tony announced. "But sadly I'm not here to talk with any of you."

"That's right sir." a voice rang out. Stepping in front of the crowd, the man wore a suit and sunglasses with slicked back hair and a S.H.I.E.L.D ID on his chest. "Oh hey, you must be Agent Kirby." Happy greeted him. "Good to see you too Hogan. Now Mr. Stark, come with me." Leading Tony and his companions to the limousine, he handed them a file as they stepped inside.

"I suppose you know your mission by now Mr. Stark, find these so-called 'Crystal Gems' and interrogate them on these recent happenings like the disappearance of the ocean, the giant hand and the abductions." he explained as they examined the file. "And it all takes place at this specific spot, Beach City."

"Wait, but it just looks like an average seaside town." Pepper stated raising an eyebrow. "Ah, but that's where you're wrong Virginia. Some of our top tech specialists have also been checking out a blog called Keep Beach City Weird that analyzes the strange happenings in this town." Kirby said with a charismatic grin. "Among the data gathered were signals being interrupted by a transmission from a green alien creature." He pulled out a photo of said creature from the folder, revealing it to the trio as a being with a triangular head and a green shape on her forehead. Tony just started laughing like a maniac.

"OH MY GOD, I THOUGHT YOU SAID A GREEN ALIEN CREATURE, NOT A GIANT NACHO!" he guffawed. "Anthony, be serious here!" Kirby demanded. "Alright, I'll stop."

"Mr. Kirby, we're here." the driver stated as he pulled into Beach City. "Well, best of luck to all of you." the S.H.I.E.L.D agent said as he opened the door. "And be sure to bring me some souvenirs!"

Exiting the vehicle, the little town was quiet for a few moments. Maybe too quiet. "Are you sure this is the right place?" Happy wondered. "I'm not sure, the file said this is the spot. Maybe we should ask around." Tony replied before he was suddenly swarmed by what seemed to be the townsfolk, screaming his name and asking for his autograph.

"Yo, can I have your autograph Mr. Stark?! Asking for a few friends of mine!" a teenage boy asked him. "I can't believe it, THE Tony Stark in Beach City! Can't wait to tell Quentin about this!" a large dark-skinned man hollered in excitement. "Everyone please, there's enough of me for this entire town." Stark grinned.

"What, and no love for Harold Hogan?" Happy complained before he noticed a little boy giving him a thumbs up. "See, he knows my worth!" he added.

"Alright everyone, give me some space. I got a job to do." Tony said before one last fan made himself known. "Mr. Stark, wait for me!" he shouted shoving the other citizens out of the way and extending his hand to the billionaire. "Ronaldo Fryman, at your service!"

"Here's hoping this guy is the last one." Tony mumbled to himself as he shook his hand. "So how may I help you young man?" he asked.

"I am one of your biggest fans Mr. Stark, if there is anything you need, I'm here!" Ronaldo exclaimed. "Maybe I could hook you up with some of my family's famous fry bits or show you my blog!"

"Oh yeah, speaking of your blog that's partially the reason I'm here." Tony explained pulling out his phone and showing Ronaldo the picture of the four individuals. "Looking for these guys here, you know them?" he wondered.

"Yeah, they're Steven Universe and the Crystal Gems. They're pretty much local celebrities." Ronaldo answered. "They live down the coast in a beach house near the Big Donut."

"Thanks for the directions kid. Pepper, Happy, handle the mob for me." Tony announced as he went on his way. "Okay, see you later Tony." Pepper said waving goodbye. "Wait, you didn't sign my tablet yet!" Ronaldo shouted trying to catch up to him but failed.

Walking along the shore, Tony took in the peaceful beachside scenery of the warm sun above him, the calm ocean rolling on the sand and the rock formation beside him until he came across a small beach house situated under a large statue of a woman with multiple arms. "Whoo, whoever carved this must have a fine eye for beauty!" he proclaimed walking up the building's steps. He arrived at the door and knocked on it.

He crossed his arms as he waited for someone to answer. "Whoever lives here must be takin' their sweet time." he thought before he heard the front door open. Looking down, he saw a boy with curly hair wearing a pink T-shirt with a star on it looking up at him.

"Hello there sir, may I help you?" he asked. "Yeah, name's Tony Stark. You wouldn't happen to be one Stephen Quasar, wouldn't you?"

The boy gasped in awe. He may have gotten his name wrong, but standing before him was none other than Tony Stark, aka Iron Man. "No sir, my name is Steven Universe."

And so it begins boys, girls and everyone else. How will the Crystal Gems react to a legend meeting their young ward? What does S.H.I.E.L.D have planned for our geode gang? Is there a sinister plot brewing right under their noses, or in this case over their planet? Find out next time on Steven Universe Secret Wars chapter 2, Assembled We are Strong! Thank you all for reading this first chapter but for now, here's a little taste of one story to come.

A sound soul

Dwells within a sound mind

That trusts no one

GRAVITY SOUL: COMING SOON

[perilinpeace]

Getting to the Truth (wip)

Inspired by @phil-the-stone‘s amazing writing, started working on next part in series (https://archiveofourown.org/series/776979) started with “Shaking the Polaroid.” Only made a little progress so far, but I’m starting to have fun with Tumblr and felt like starting to share things instead of just liking other people’s posts. :) 

---

Getting to the Truth

They were leaving in two days. Despite that, Pops had insisted on going downtown to the DMV. Miraculously, the man had produced Peter’s birth certificate, social security card… and a bill from the public library addressed to him for $472.13 in fines for a never-returned copy of James and the Giant Peach. It had been sent to his grandfather’s house, his last home address, in the last two months.

The Sovereign could learn something from the St. Charles Public Library System about holding a grudge.  

It sure didn’t hurt that Pops knew Madeline, the clerk, from bridge nights at the Y (it was a small town)… but even still, she scoffed at the idea of issuing a driver’s license to a man in his late thirties with no actual photo identification (in any language she’d be able to understand or on any media she could Xerox, anyway) and dubious proof of residency.

So, Pops shamelessly pulled out a dog-eared copy of Newsweek (“Avengers Again Defend Against Interstellar Attack: Will We Ever Be Safe?”), complete with blurry cover photo of Peter Quill, Steven Strange and Tony Stark fending off a small wave of the Black Order’s minions from behind a trashed car in Chelsea 

“That photo ID enough for ya, Mad?” he said, shoving the magazine into the woman’s hands.

Peter hung his head in his hands and tried to hide his utter embarrassment. Stark may be used to that sort of thing, but Peter was more of a quiet gratitude and tactful ‘there was the matter of the bill…?’ kinda guy.

“Oh my God…” he mumbled. “Pops, let’s just go…”

When no one said anything for a long, quiet moment, Peter risked a peek at the bureaucrat through spread fingers. She was still examining the magazine, attempting to take a sip from her coffee cup and almost missing her mouth.

“...He’ll have to take the test…” Madeline finally said softly.

Pops crossed his arms and leaned back, preening triumphantly. “No problem.”

Two hours (and only one flattened orange cone) later, the Quills emerged from the squat brick building into a breezy, overcast afternoon.

Peter looked at the laminated card one more time, grimacing at the awful picture before pulling out a couple of folded-up twenties from his back pocket. He slipped his license under the rubber band holding them together and stuffed it all back into his pocket with his phone as quickly as he could.

“Gamora’s gonna love that picture,” Pops teased.

“Shut up.”

“Thinkin’ I should take her over to Kinko’s and make a big copy, you guys can stick it up on the fridge.”

“No. Seriously, it’s worse than my mugshot.”

Pops shrugged. “Son, ID pictures are supposed to be shit. Welcome to the club. Today, you are an American adult.”

Peter snorted, but couldn’t help but smile a little bit. He glanced over at his grandfather. “Thanks, Pops,” he said, with just enough sincerity that Pops swallowed hard and nodded, gripping his shoulder.

“Yeah, kid.”

Peter nodded and looked through the parking lot at the park across the street, eyes settling on a figure in a long brown leather jacket and dark baseball cap, sitting at the base of a tree and reading from a tablet. He smiled.

He was getting kinda used to seeing Gamora surrounded by… well… by Earth. She was sitting under a tall oak tree. Behind her was the small lake he used to skate on in the winter as a kid when it got cold enough. The leaves of a couple of weeping willows barely grazed the shoreline and there was just enough sun shining through the clouds to put a little crystal shimmer on the rippling surface.

And he thought, of all the places he’d been, the grass was still the greenest, here. More so than he’d remembered.

Peter stuffed his hands in his pockets and hopped off the curb, crossing the street at a light jog with Pops strolling at his own pace behind. Gamora didn’t look up when he slid down the tree trunk and plopped next to her.

“Hey,” he said. “Sorry that took so long.”

She swung her knees over to nudge his, playfully. He looked over at her tablet.

“Whatcha reading?”

“Why do they call them newspapers if they’re not on paper?” Gamora murmured. Peter smiled and shrugged, glancing up at Pops who had taken a more comfortable seat on a bench overlooking the lake. He had a vague memory of thick newspapers on Sunday mornings, Pops flipping through the sports pages, his mom scattering sale papers over the table. And that was the day the Peanuts cartoons were in color.

“They used to be on paper. They still are… I’ve seen ‘em around… but seems like most people just read things online now. Is that… Japanese?”

“Mmm,” she nodded.

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“Touché.” Peter looked again at the screen. It took his translator a second to catalog the characters, but he quickly gathered that she was reading an article about international politics and calls for planetary unity in light of… recent events. He wanted to care. He really did. He knew he should. But goddamn, it was boring. And frankly, he was still all for keeping ‘recent events’ as far from his mind as possible.

He sighed, leaning his head back on the tree trunk and staring out at the lake.

“How did it go?” asked Gamora, setting the tablet down and took off her hat, smoothing her hair with one hand.

“Well… fine, I guess. I got it.”

“Can I see it?”

Peter swallowed hard and seriously contemplated the request, then nodded slowly and leaned onto one hip to pull his new driver’s license from his pocket. He handed it to her. Gamora flipped it over in her fingers and smiled.

“Wow… this is… actually worse than your mugshot.”

“Rocket never sees this,” Peter growled.

Gamora grinned. “Agreed. And… congratulations, Peter,” she said, handing back the card and dropping her head to his shoulder. He took her hand and relaxed his weight back onto the tree trunk.

“We should head home. Before it starts raining,” Peter said. She twisted around to look at the sky through the leaves of the tree.

“It’s not that cloudy…” she mumbled. “And I’m comfortable.”

Peter shrugged. “You can smell it on the wind. The land around here is flat and open… storms roll in fast.”

Gamora looked at him then, in a way Peter hadn’t seen in a long time. Like she was trying to work him out, like a puzzle.

“What?” He asked softly.

“Nothing.” She smiled and shook her head.

“Really?”

“No, I just—There have been… moments… since we got here… where I’ve felt like I was…. I don’t know… meeting you for the first time,” Gamora answered quietly, looking away from him and out at the lake.

Peter leaned back. “I—”

“It’s not a bad thing, Peter.”

[writingguide003-blog]

'A total blast': our writers pick their favorite summer blockbusters ever

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/a-total-blast-our-writers-pick-their-favorite-summer-blockbusters-ever/

'A total blast': our writers pick their favorite summer blockbusters ever

As the season heats up on the big screen, Guardian writers look back on their picks from the past with killer sharks, mournful crime-fighters and time-traveling teens

Face/Off (1997)

Photograph: Allstar/Cinetext/PARAMOUNT

Madman bomber Nicolas Cage stole John Travoltas dead sons life. So gloomy FBI agent Travolta steals Cages face. When Cage steals his face and his wife and freedom John Woos Face/Off becomes the biggest, wackiest and most operatic summer blockbuster in history, a gonzo combustion that flings everything from pigeons to peaches at the screen.

Hong Kong cineastes might applaud a script with roots in the ancient Sichuan opera genre Bian Lian, where performers swap masks like magic. Popcorn-munchers, of which I am front row center, are here to watch whack job Cage and soulful Travolta, two actors who love to go full-ham, play each other and go deep inside their iconographies. Call it hamception. Or just call it a crazy swing that hits a home run as Cavolta and Trage battling it out in a warehouse, a speedboat and, of course, a church. As Cage-as-Travolta gloats to Travolta-as-Cage, Isnt this religious? The eternal battle between good and evil, saint and sinners but youre still not having any fun! Maybe hes not, but we sure are. Bravo, bravo. AN

Edge of Tomorrow (2014)

Photograph: David James/Publicity image from film company

Theres been an increasing sense of desperation clinging to the majority of roles picked by Tom Cruise in recent years. Outside of the still shockingly entertaining Mission: Impossible series, he was miscast in the barely serviceable Jack Reacher and its maddeningly unnecessary sequel, his awards-aiming American Made was throwaway and his franchise-starting The Mummy was a franchise-killer. But four summers ago, he picked the right horse just maybe at the wrong time.

Because despite how deliriously fun Edge of Tomorrow was in the summer of 2014, audiences didnt show the requisite enthusiasm. It was a moderate success (enough to warrant a long-gestating sequel) but it should have packed them in, its combination of charm, invention and sheer thrills making it one of the most objectively successful blockbuster experiences in memory. The nifty plot device (Cruise must relive a day of dying while battling aliens over and over again) allowed for some dark gallows humor and a frenetic pace that kept us all giddily on edge while it also contained a dazzling action star turn from Emily Blunt whose fearless Full Metal Bitch wrestled the film away from Cruise. Blame its relative failure on the bland title? Cruise fatigue? Blockbuster over-saturation? Then find a digital copy to watch and rewatch and repeat. BL

Back to the Future (1985)

Photograph: Allstar/UNIVERSAL/Sportsphoto Ltd./Allstar

Back to the Future very nearly wasnt a summer blockbuster. The reshoots required after Eric Stoltz was booted off, then the fact Michael J Foxs Family Ties commitments meant he could only shoot at night all meant filming didnt wrap until late April. Robert Zemeckis and Steven Spielberg duly pencilled in an August / September release.

But then people started seeing it. Test scores were off the scale. Said producer Frank Marshall: Id never seen a preview like that. The audience went up to the ceiling. So they bagsied the best spot the year had to offer 3 July hired a squad of sound editors to work round the clock and two print editors with instructions to get properly choppy. They did, and those big trims tightened yet further one of the tautest screenplays (by Bob Gale) cinema has ever seen. The only bit of fat they left was the Johnny B Goode scene: sure, it didnt advance the story, but the kids at those test screenings knew we were gonna love it. Back to the Future is a pure shot of summer cinema: grand, ambitious, insanely entertaining. Deadpool, Avengers, take note: a blockbuster can be smart as hell so long as it wears it lightly. In the end, by the way, the film spent 11 weeks at number 1 at the US box office. Thats essentially the whole summer. CS

Teminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Photograph: Allstar/TRISTAR/Sportsphoto Ltd./Allstar

The first film I ever saw at the cinema was The Rocketeer. We drove into Bradford city centre, bought our tickets at the Odeon and sat through the 1991 tale which followed the fortunes of a stunt pilot, a rocket pack and a Nazi agent played by Timothy Dalton who sounded like he was from Bury rather than Berlin. The way into the multiplex there was a huge poster for Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Arnie sat on a Harley with a shotgun cocked and ready. My dad was a huge fan of the original but he still couldnt swing taking a seven-year-old to see it. It wasnt until I borrowed a VHS copy that I finally got to see what was behind that image. Skynet, dipshits, T-1000s, a nuclear holocaust and a motorbike chases on the LA river.

Blockbusters dont usually have that edge: theres a more brazen mainstream appeal. But Judgment Day was and still is an exception. It did huge numbers at the box office (more than $500m), was a rare sequel that was arguably better than the original and introduced really odd bits of Spanish idiom into the Bradford schoolyard lexicon. I probably would have been scarred for life watching it as a seven-year-old, but as a teenager it gave me a story I doubt Ill ever get tired of revisiting. LB

The Dark Knight (2008)

Photograph: Allstar/WARNER BROS.

The summer of 2008 was a busy one: Barack Obama emerged from a contentious democratic primary to become the first ever black presidential nominee of a major party. The dam fortifying the entire global financial system was about to burst. China hosted its first ever Summer Olympics. But somehow, and not exactly to my credit, what I remember most from that summer is the uncanny, ridiculously over-the-top publicity blitzkrieg that preceded the release of The Dark Knight, which has since emerged as not just an all-time great summer blockbuster, but an all-time great American film, period.

There were faux-political billboards that read I believe in Harvey Dent; a weirdly nondescript website of the same name; Joker playing cards dispersed throughout comic book stores, which led fans to another website where the DA was defaced with clown makeup. Dentmobiles, Gotham City voter registration cards, a pop-up local news channel: the marketing campaign might have seemed excessive had the movie not so convincingly topped it. Ten years later, as films like Deadpool and Avengers: Infinity War try to reach those same heights of virality, The Dark Knight remains the measuring stick by which every superhero movie, and superhero villain, is measured. JN

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Photograph: Jasin Boland/AP

In many ways, Fury Road is summer: arid, scorching, bright enough to be squinted at. The driving force behind all the high-impact driving is scarcity of water, the essence of life in a desert where death practically rises up from the burning sand. Even in the air-conditioned comfort of a multiplex auditorium in Washington DCs Chinatown, watching George Millers psychotic motor opera left this critic sweaty and parched. My world is fire and blood, warns the weary Max Rockatansky (Tom Hardy) in the scripts opening lines. Staggering out of a theater into the oppressive rays of the sun, it sure can feel that way.

Millers masterpiece fits into the summer blockbuster canon in a less literal capacity as well, striking its ideal balance of dazzling technical spectacle and massively-scaled emotional catharsis. There was plenty of breathless praise to go around upon this films 2015 release, much of it for the feats of practical-effects daring, but the hysterical extremes of feeling cemented its status as a modern classic. I cant deny that Ive watched the polecat sequence upwards of a dozen times, but Millers film truly comes alive in Furiosas howl of desperation, and in Maxs noble disappearance into the throng. CB

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

Its the music, its the giant boulder, its the Old Testament mysticism, its the whip, its the Cairo Swordsman, its Harrison Fords crooked smile, its the bad dates, its Karen Allen drinking a sherpa under the table, its the melted faces and exploding heads. Its all these things plus having the good fortune of seeing this at the cinema at a very young age, therefore watching most of it through my terrified fingers. (Indy tells Marion to keep her eyes shut during the cosmic spooky ending; way ahead of you there!)

The modern blockbuster as we know it was created by Steven Spielberg with Jaws and George Lucas with Star Wars, so the hype was unmatched when the two collaborated in 1981 with Raiders of the Lost Ark. As a kid I had no idea this was a loving homage to cliffhanger serials from the 30s and 40s, I took it as pure adventure. The seven-and-a-half minute desert truck chase (I dont know, Im making thus up as I go) is probably the best action sequence in all of cinema (John Woos Hard Boiled does not have a horse, sorry), but watching as an adult one notices a lot of sophisticated humor, too. (Indy being too exhausted to make love to Marion, for example, is something that didnt connect when I was six.)

Its strange to think I watched these cartoon Nazis on VHS with my grandparents who had escaped the Holocaust, and no one benefits when you do the math to figure out how young Marion was when, as Indy puts it, you knew what you were doing. But for thrills, laughs and propulsive camerawork (though a little mild Orientalism), nothing tops this one. JH

Independence Day (1996)

Photograph: Everett/REX/Shutterstock

Short of actually calling their film Summer Blockbuster, rarely can a films height-of-summer release date been so central to a films raison detre. This being the mid-90s, when po-mo and self-referentiality was all the rage, brazenly hooking your tentpole film to 4 July was seen as a pretty smart idea.

Fortunately, all the ducks did line up in a row for ID4: a game-changing performance from Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum at (arguably) his funniest, a rousingly Clintoneque president in Bill Pullman and most importantly in that run-up to the millennium physical destruction on a gigantic scale. Much comment at the time was expended on the laser obliteration of the White House (an early shot from the Tea Party/Maga crowd?), but I personally cherish director Roland Emmerichs signature move of detonating cars in somersault formation. Like many other huge-budget films then and since, Independence Day was basically a tooled-up retread of cheap-as-chips format of earlier decades though who these days would roll such expensive dice on what is essentially an original script, with no comic book or toy branding as a forerunner? We shall never see its like again. AP

Aliens (1986)

Photograph: Allstar/20 CENTURY FOX/Sportsphoto Ltd./Allstar

An Aliens summer is one for moviegoers who prefer to sit in in darkened rooms when the sun is shining; the brutal confines of the fiery power plant make an excellent subliminal ad for air conditioning. In 1986, James Cameron took Ridley Scotts elegant, iconic horror template and turned it into an all-out action blockbuster, forcing Ripley once again to face down her nemeses in a breathless fug of claustrophobia, sweat and fear. Its relentlessly stressful and unbelievably thrilling.

I first saw Aliens many years after its initial release. Owing to its sizeable and long-lasting legacy, it was at once immediately familiar, yet also brisk and brutally fresh. I understood that it was a classic, but I wasnt prepared for just how good it is, for the pitch-perfect management of tension, the pace that never really lets up, the emotional pull. The maternal undertow of Ripleys protection of Newt, and the alien mirror of that, adds a level of heart unusual in most blockbusters, and her frustration at being a woman whose authority must be earned again and again, and then proven again and again, remains grimly relevant, 30 years on. Its also a total blast. Now get away from her, you bitch. RN

Jaws (1975)

Photograph: Fotos International/Getty Images

It is the great summer blockbuster ancestor the film that in 1975 more or less invented the concept of the event movie. And unlike all those other summer blockbusters, Steven Spielbergs Jaws is actually about the summer; it is explicitly about the institution of the summer vacation, into which the movie was being sold as part of the seasonal entertainment. It is about the sun, the sand, the beach, the ocean and the entirely justified fear of being eaten alive by an enormous shark with the appetite of a serial killer and the cunning of a U-boat commander. And more than that: it is about that most contemporary of political phenomena: the coverup, the town authorities at a seaside resort putting vacationers at risk by not warning them about the shark. The Jaws mayor has become comic shorthand for the craven and pusillanimous politician.

A blockbuster nowadays means spectacular digital effects, but this film is from an analogue world. It bust the block through brilliant film-making and an inspired score from John Williams, summoning up the shark with a simple two-note theme which became the most famous musical expression of evil since Bernard Herrmanns shrieking violin stabs in Psycho took the place of actual knife-slashing. I still remember the excitement of the summer of 1975, and the queues around the block at the Empire, in Watford, round the corner from the football ground. The inspired brevity of the title meant the word was repeated over and over again to fill the marquee display: JAWS JAWS JAWS as if they were screaming it! PB

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[mechanintendomaster]

Unused Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever Chapter 17

​

Mario and Bowser 17

Noon of the restless Mario Characters (Chapter 17)

Created: like a month ago -5/16/17

Disclaimer: Why do I bother? I don't own Mario and co.

Author note: Long chapter, go!

Real note: Last edited May 18, 2017. Not technically unused since this was the original draft of this chapter. Still, the current one was edited down making this version ‘lost’.

Mario strolled into the bustling Toad Town. This was going to be a beautiful day, he thought. The weather was warm and the sky blue, the only thing ruining it was the frequent smell of exhaust fumes. The town really had urbanized in recent years with more and more people owning their very own kart to drive around. Mario could even spot a Mercedes-Benz or two pass by. Foot traffic wise, Toad folk and other local Mushroom Kingdom species went about their daily business, going up and down the sidewalks in waves not entirely different from what Mario would see back in Brooklyn. The Usonian resemblance didn't stop there; recent structures and vehicles were designed to be sleek and modern and only a few buildings still shaped like the mushroom structures of old.

After a moment, Mario approached town square to meet a bigger crowd. Men and women in business suits, parents with children, and teenagers on cellphones among them, no one seemed to care that Peach had put the Kingdom in a state of emergency not long ago. In the past, such an announcement would shut up the citizens in their homes until the moment Mario and his brother saved the day. Now it was like any other day. Just another Bowser attack. Mario wasn't entirely surprised, because Peach wasn't actually kidnapped in this "emergency", and she also omitted the fact that Mushroom Flu was apparently being spread by secret agents, for the sake of avoiding panic. For all the kingdom's citizens knew, the emergency involving Bowser could have been him invading a land on the other side of the globe. Still, the change of social climate from what he used to remember made Mario feel older than he was.

After waiting forever to finally be able to safely cross the street, because he refused to jay walk like everyone else, Mario made his way to the post office. Despite recent developments surrounding the humble wooden structure, it hadn't changed a bit on the outside. As he entered, he was greeted by the aged but active Postmaster, a Paratroopa with a busy grey mustache and thick glasses.

"Long time no see. You have no letters, guess no body's worried about you!"

"Oh I just have a little something to send off," Mario said walking up the counter. He noticed that the inside changed either. Same wooden floors, yellow walls, and fake house plant. "And you know, a lot of people don't really get written letters anymore."

"That's tomfoolery!" the Postmaster exclaimed. "I get letters all the time, son! You need more friends!"

Mario laughed at the irony as he handed him a letter labeled for 'Smash Mansion'. "I need first class mail. I have the money."

"Mario, it's on the house for you. No need to fret, we deliver no matter what, remember? Who's it for?"

"Can't say. It's a secret," Mario said with a wink.

"Ah, fair enough. Whatdaya think of this Mushroom Flu issue?" the Postmaster chucked.

"What..was that again?" Mario asked, trying to hide his surprise.

The Postmaster put a label on the envelope. "Mushroom Flu. You heard of it, right?"

"Yeah, but why would you bring that up?"

"It's all over the papers. See here?" The Postmaster pulled out a drawer and gave Mario the day's paper. This particular one was 'The Kingdom Enquirer'.

The headline read: MK citizens struck by 'MF'!

Mario gasped and immediately read out loud front page article. "According to rich entrepreneur 'James Monty', the president of the ministry of health, Toad Toadstool and Princess Daisy Bloom were stricken by Mushroom Flu, known as MF. According to him, he has no idea where it could have came from, but he suspects aliens. Citizens of MK, watch out for aliens! Suspects include Tatanga, Shroobs, Kirby....." Mario stopped reading and looked up confusingly.

The Postmaster smiled. "I know Mario, that was my reaction as well! Completely idiotic, right?"

"Well," Mario muttered, taking another glance at the headline, "it didn't sound like they knew what they were talking about...At all."

"Right. Tomfoolery as well. I caught wind of people being sick at the hospital but that's just crazy. These journalists really think we'll believe anything, except Kylie of course."

"Kylie...Koopa?" Mario mused.

"Right. You getting sick of me saying 'right'? Anyway, she's the writer of the Koopa Kronicle, and a darn good one. That's the only paper I trust now a days. So anyway, I'll have this sent out right away. That all?"

"Oh yeah. Thanks…"

"Right. See you later, Mario!"

Mario left and stood on the street corner, deliberating on his next course of action. It was clear to him now that mass hysteria wasn't about to spread just yet. Peach was wisely discreet with the state of emergency warning, and horrible journalism had diluted any sense of panic that could come from the surprisingly correct assumption of Mushroom Flu, apparently revealed by MKDCU agent Jimmy M., assuming he was that supposed "rich entrepreneur president of health" person quoted in the paper, and Dr. Mario would have the letter by tomorrow for sure. Considering the situation, things we're going as well as they possibly could.

But wait, he thought. He still just need to get to Bowser before Luigi! How would he pull that off, considering they would have already gotten an hour head start on him? There were no shortcuts he knew of that Luigi didn't, and his Sky Pop plane had been out of service for ages. Mario would just have to hope Buckenberry could slow them enough. The thought of the young hero brought up his spirits up a little. If Buckenberry could humble himself and get it together, he could too. He was just disheartened that he couldn't reveal to him that he DID know of Dr. Mario's whereabouts. Mario had promised to keep it a secret for the doctor, and Mario knew he couldn't afford to break anymore promises.

Just then, Mario gasped as someone rounded the corner to met him. "What are you doing here??" Mario asked.

The person beckoned him to follow them to a more secluded area.

=======

At the Mushroom Press, Jimmy continued to entertain the reporters with stories of his past misadventures. After the coast was clear of Richard and Wiggletron, he'd slipped back in. He couldn't let the offer of free coffee go to waste!

"-And I said to em 'he's red as the dickens! Just dunk the guy in the cream', and they did! You haven't lived until you've seen an 300 pound Toad jump in a giant tub of anti-itch cream!"

The Toad next to him, Mitch, laughed harder. "Aww man! This is going into the Mushroom Enquirer next! Hear that, Kylie?"

"Kylie? The girl's been gone ages ago," the desk receptionist said restlessly, putting some more hot water in the coffee maker.

Mitch looked around a bit. "Oh. Ah-hem, I knew that! Well anyway, how long are you sticking around? I uh...." Mitch suddenly stopped and put some sunglasses on.

"What?" Jimmy asked.

"You should probably go outside," Mitch said with sudden seriousness.

Jimmy stop lounging on their chairs and looked at the wall clock. "Oh! Didn't realize I'd been here so long! Guess I should go, ladies and gents, the work of a MKDCU agent is never done!"

The writers and reporters clapped as he got up and proudly marched to the door.

The moment he exited, he was greeted by Sebastian and Parabilly on the sidewalk, both shooting daggers at him.

"Boys? What's happenin? And where's the- Whoa! Stop!" Jimmy yelled.

"No can do sir," Lakitu said. He had the van secured with a giant fishing hook to an oversized cloud. On the side of the cloud, it was printed, "Lakitu's Independent Towing Company".

"Shouldn't you be fishing up go-carts or something?!" Jimmy screamed up to him.

"Sucker, this is my day job. What else I'm gonna do? Not like we'll be having any sports games any time soon by the looks of it. See ya!" The cloud began to float away with the van.

"First the hospital, then the coppers, now the towing companies?! I hate the Mushroom Kingdom!!!" Jimmy yelled at one in particular.

Sebastian crossed his arms. "What did you think was going to happen?!? I'm I still in Subcon? Because this a nightmare, and I'm sooo tired!"

"Me too!" Parabilly piped up as Lakitu took off, "He said this was the most illegalest parked car he ever done seen! All I'll have you know that we're tired of it!"

"What? You twos gonna quit too??" Jimmy asked harshly.

"Well....maybe! Ain't that right?" Parabilly asked, turning to Sebastian.

"Uh huh. Why did we make you leader anyway? Your actions have just made everything worse. We could have been at the bottom of this yesterday, and why aren't we finding a cure for their disease? Aren't we the health experts?"

Jimmy threw his hands up. "We ARE! Do you really think you can lead a disrespectful team while dealing with a deadly plague better than me? Cause this is a severe violation of protocol and I can fire you all right now!"

"Then do it. There's only five dern dollars at stake!" Parabilly spat, making Sebastian look to him questionably. "I quit myself! I ain't learned nothing and we ain't done nothing. We got em all locked up somewhere and we can't even help em. We might as well have never showed up! I got a home, a family to feed, and real job opportunities down home, and you can't keep me here any longer!"

Sebastian gasped. "Billy? You-"

"I already said It! That's it!" Parabilly threw his badge to the ground. "I'm outta here!"

Jimmy fumed. "You know what? It don't matter, you're right! We gotta get em to the Special World hospital but that's it. It's done, and I don't need you all anymore anyway! Get outta here!"

Parabilly wordlessly flew down the sidewalk and disappeared around a corner. Jimmy turned around and went the opposite direction, leaving Sebastian forlorn in front of the Mushroom Press entrance.

*tap tap*

He turned around so see someone peering through the glass door and knocking. When their eyes met, the person motioned him to come inside. He brought Sebastian to his office space and told him to take a seat.

"So you're Sebastian Bullet of Subcon, right?" Mitch asked.

Sebastian nodded.

"I still got!" Mitch said with a twinkle in his eye. "By the way, I'm Mitch T., writer of the Mushroom Enquirer, most famous newspaper ever!" He reached out to shake Sebastian's hand. "Okay, so you got towed by Lakitu. Right?"

"Uh yeah??" Sebastian responded.

Mitch leaned back in his comfy office chair and put his arms behind his head. "Great, well not for you I guess. Sorry I didn't see it sooner." he said somewhat flippantly. "I've gotten so used to blocking it out now, but never mind. James was full of crap anyway, you probably won't miss him."

"Now that I can agree on!" Sebastian said.

Mitch then leaded towards Sebastian. "Listen, I put out a nice fairytale for the paper but I know is really a big deal. I need you to me what really happened," he whispered.

"Well..." Sebastian hesitated.

"I'll pay ya!" Mitch added.

"Sure thing! And I have lots to tell." Sebastian started from the beginning and Mitch wrote down his account studiously. Sebastian felt better about getting fired now that he'd met Mitch, though he still had an odd feeling about him.

***

Outside, less than five minutes later, Jimmy took a wrong turn, being unacquainted with traveling on foot, and hit a dead end in a dark alley.

"Well this is just great. No van. No equipment. No agents. No directions! No respect! The Mushroom Kingdom can kiss- what the?!"

WhoooOOoooosh!

In the darkness, Jimmy saw a cloud of some sort stirring up in front of him, coming up from the ground. He was about to turn back to run when he was frozen in shock by a wicked laughter.

"Hehehehehehehehehehehehe! Stop right there!" someone cackled. "I've been looking for you!"

"I'm sorry! P-please Eldstar, no!" Jimmy bawled.

The cloud settled down to reveal a dark Boo, its face twisted in a psychotic smile. "Stop crying! Laugh, or else you fool! Hehehe!"

"A Boo?! W-what do ya want with ME?"

"I saw the whole thing in front of that Mushroom Press place, hehe. You must feel sooo sad.."

Jimmy didn't respond and continued to shake in fear and hold back tears.

"I said, LAUGH OR ELSE!" the Dark Boo barked.

"Ha ha ha ha haaaa!" Jimmy cried.

"That's better, hehe. They call me Z by the way. Let's have some fun!" Z moved closer. "You hate the Mushroom Kingdom, I hate the Mushroom Kingdom, we're a perfect match. Yaayy!" Z hugged Jimmy. "Come with me, buddy!"

"Hold on, now!" Jimmy said, pushing Z away. "I have a job to do. I ain't no Boo Hunters candidate. What's the meaning of this?"

Z scowled at him briefly, flashing some sharp teeth in the process, then went back to a smile. "Aww, not scared anymore? Well good, maybe we can talk, hehe. You are James Monty of the MKDCU."

"Uh huh? And?" Jimmy crossed his arms, trying to seem unafraid.

"Well, I'm only your biggest fan! We're both from Donut Plains, and I've followed all of your medical journals. I've always admired you more than the others and well," Z looked away bashfully, "I just really wanted to work with you. Please let me help you!" Z latched on to Jimmy again in a tighter hug.

"Alright, alright! Uh, you can help, uh somehow!" Jimmy yelled, his voiced muffled by the bigger Boo's embrace.

"Great," Z said flatly, "but first I need you to help me, hehe. Let's go on a little trip..."

"What? Let me go you- Ahhhhh!"

A Purple cloud engulfed them as Jimmy screamed, unable to get out to Z's grasp. His screams died down as the two disappeared into the shadows...

***

On another street, Parabilly waited at a bus stop. He had already phoned his relatives down in Southern Mushroom Kingdom. The 'city folk' life and the stress that came with it wasn't for him after all, he had resolved. He'd be better off as the local prairie physician like he always was. Soon the bus pulled up and he hopped on. He was heading out of Toad Town, possibly forever...

======@@@@@@@@@@@

Toadsworth knocked on Peach's door. After a moment it opened, revealing Toadette, who was wearing an apron and holding a feather duster.

"Mr. Toadsworth? What's wrong?"

"Princess? Wait, what were you doing in here?" Toadworth asked.

"Uh...I was just cleaning."

"And why, young lady? Where could she be?? She isn't OUT is she?" he asked harshly.

Toadette was about to remind him that she was authorized to clean Peach's room when ever she felt, but she held her tongue.

"Is she out?!" Toadsworth repeated.

Toadette kelp silent. When Luigi texted Peach an hour ago that Mario was put out of the mission, Peach immediately made plans to meet him. She had some unresolved feelings about Bowser's message and wanted to speak to Mario about it. Toadette didn't know what she meant by that, but she promised to keep Toadsworth at bay in the mean time. Still, she didn't feel good about lying to the oldest and loyalist servant in the castle...

"Answer me! This is no time for childish games!" Toadsworth scolded her.

"Umm, so why do you think she's out, Mr. Toadsworth?" Deflection, maybe that would work, she thought.

"I have been all over our dear castle, except for her room of course, which brings me here. Is she inside?"

"What do you need, sir?"

Toadsworth pouted. "I need to speak with her about a private matter. You are a higher level servant and I appreciate your hard work, I really do. I am sorry, my dear, for yelling so much. These are just dreadful and stressful times, you understand?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Indeed! What I have to say involves her safety. You know, with secret agents of Bowser running amok and whatnot."

Toadette shook her head. "I understand, but you can't come in!" Toadsworth looked to her surprisingly. "-Because...she isn't dressed! And..she's in the bath!" So much for not lying, Toadette thought. "Besides, the water was taking a while to heat up, but if you must tell her something now, you could just tell me." Toadette smiled sweetly which mollified Toadsworth further.

"Hmm...Thank you dear, but I will just come back at a more appropriate time." Toadsworth smiled. "Good day for now, Toadette."

Toadsworth walked back down the stairs, relieving but also disappointing Toadette who was very curious about that info. She retreated back inside the room and collapsed on Peach's bed, letting out a deep breath. Now she'd just need to keep this charade up for the entire day!

---------@@@@@@

The Mushroom Bus stopped at the Peach's Castle stop. This bus stop was usually used for castle tours or employees but the locals also used it to get to the the lake near Peach's castle or the private racetrack. A group of fifteen or so people exited, including Jelectro Bond, Kylie, Dick and Wiggletron. There was now only a short walk to the castle up a sandy rural path.

"Have y'all ever visited this place before?" Dick asked, breaking the silence that been between the four since getting on the bus.

"Yes, as an young child," Wiggletron answered. "Have heard that it has not been redecorated since."

"Well I haven't been inside but I've heard it's drab. You know, empty rooms with only giant paintings in them and a flooded basement and an endless staircase?"

Kylie, who was leading the way, suppressed a laugh. "Who told you that? Super Mario 64?"

"Umm, yeah? You're trying to tell me that game isn't accurate? What ever..." Dick looked to Bond. "Hey Bond? You alive?"

Bond mumbled something and walked along in the rear, deep in thought.

Kylie glanced back his way and then looked ahead again quickly. "Stay focused, brother. The game plan is this, when we get there, let me do the talkin'. First, we tell them a little of what we know. Make them think we know a lot, okay? Then we get them to tell us what they know. Easy as pie.. or cake considering where we are. Think Peach ever made pies?"

Dick rolled his eyes. "You must be hungry, girl. Anyway, I thought you and Bond knew everything by now!"

Kylie took a quick glance at her phone. "Yeah and no. It came up on my phone that Peach has put the kingdom in a state of emergency-"

"What is that?"

Kylie pouted. "You don't know?!"

"We are not natives to the Mushroom Kingdom," Wiggs reminded her.

"Oh yeah. Sorry bout that, brother," Kylie said apologetically. "Peach does that when there's trouble. Back in the day, this would put everyone's lives on hold until we knew we were safe. I would know, I've time traveled. Now? Pffft! So since she has the emergency out, Mario and the rest must know on some level that trouble's a brewin'. But we still don't know a few key points, okay?"

"What would those points be?" Wiggs asked.

"Well my main one is why Bowser would think he could get away with this. I know he can be more shortsighted than a Bob-omb with a one inch fuse with his plans, but this is so obvious it's stupid!"

"Oh of course you meant that!" Dick said, thinking he was sounding smart. "Yeah, that must be why he was helping Mario earlier at the hospital. You know, be all involved so you can claim it couldn't be-"

"What?!?" Kylie gasped. "Bowser was helping Mario?? When??" She stopped and turned around to face the rest.

"Yes! When?" Bond piped up from behind Dick and Wiggletron. He joined Kylie standing in front of them. Dick gave them a confused look.

"That was yesterday? I thought I told ya? He was confused and junk and he was there when Toad and Daisy when wild. Mario dropped to the floor and he was all about to cry in stuff-'

"Agent Richard and Wiggletron," Bond said sternly, "this changes everything!"

"I should have mentioned it also," Wiggs said, avoiding their gaze. "I apologize as well. The over abundance of new information we have acquired along with the frequent separation of our team has made it difficult to remember who possesses what knowledge..."

"Uh..okay? Well, that's why you record everything in a notebook!" Kylie groaned, scribbling a few more notes down. "Well it's game time now 'cause here's the guard. Everyone stay quiet like I said."

They approached the front castle guard. He was a teenaged red capped toad holding a spear under his arm playing a Nintendo DS. "Halt! All tours are prohibited in times of emergency!" he said in a rehearsed fashion without looking away from the game.

"We aren't here for tours, friend. We are umm, the plumbers that were called!" Kylie said. Even she wondered where she got that excuse from, she had a feeling she had heard it before somewhere...

The guard closed the DS and stared for a moment. "Oh, like Mario or something?"

"Yeah. Just like em. We need to fix that leak!"

"Huh?"

"You know, that leak y'all have? We need to fix it. Right guys?" She pointed back to the rest with her thumb.

"Where is Princess Peach?" Bond asked, not bothering playing along. Kylie shot him an annoyed look.

The guard shrugged. "Inside I guess. Look, as long as you guys aren't Bowser, you can come in or whatever. I really don't care." He pulled the door open for them and went back to his game.

"Perfect, young man. Thank you," Bond said genially. When everyone entered, they were then in the castle main room and mezzanine, an open checkerboard tiled area that connected to all of the parts of the castle. The decor was pretty, with lots of flowers and glass ornaments but there was also a lot of dust and dirt pulled up, making the place look slightly unkempt.

"Welcome to the castle- wait. Aren't visitations over?" A purple capped Toad standing at a podium asked them.

"Where is Peach, mon ami?" Bond asked.

"I can't tell you exactly but she's definitely home. We can't have her running around with Bowser's secret agents spreading the Mushroom Flu!"

Everyone looked to the worker surprisingly. Kylie also wrote something in her notebook.

"Do you at least have an idea?" Bond asked hurriedly.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" The Toad asked with sudden suspicion.

"...Plumbers."

The toad smiled instantly. "I'm so sorry, hon! Plumbers are always welcome here! Just go on up the stairs when you get to the room behind me. If anyone asks who you guys are, just tell them that, okay? Have a wonderful day!"

They went to another room that had stairways going up and down and halls leading to other ground level portions of the castle. The room was deserted of anyone except for a Toad that was vacuuming the carpet while wearing headphones. Said Toad glanced their way exactly once and then proceeded to ignore their presence.

Bond turned around to face everyone. "A little lonely here, is it not? Okay mes amies, I have appreciated all of your efforts until this point, but now that we all have the same knowledge, it is not necessarily for all of us to be present when we meet the Princess. It might look suspicious if we are all here and do no plumbing work at all, so-"

"I see," Kylie said, glancing towards the ex-MKDCU agents. "Why don't you two wander around and find something to fix?"

"Ugh, seriously?" Dick whined. "You mean like the flooded basement?"

"Again, the basement isn't- never mind... y'all keep busy okay?" Kylie took sides next to Bond, who was also looking to them expectantly. It irritated Dick when they used their "team power" against him and Wiggs, like they were their employers or something, he thought. Well actually...

"Sure," Wiggs said, pulling Dick closer to him, which made Dick look to him indignantly, "I would like to explore anyway so as to discover what has or has not changed since my childhood visit. You can count on us to assist you in your operation, right Richard?"

"Wiggs, lay off! Okay whatever. We'll give you love bugs some privacy, alright?"

Kylie did her signature finger snap. "Great brother, we'll just-"

"Hold up 'sis', I'm not done. Bond said he appreciated us and junk, and we have done a lot for you two, so I say we make it clear that we expect compensation! We are for hire agents remember?"

"What? Y'all want pay?!" Kylie put her hands on her hips. "Is the experience of true justice in action not en-"

"-No," Dick interrupted.

"I uh, agree to Richard's preposition," Wiggs added bashfully.

"Hold on," Bond muttered while digging in his wallet. He pulled out a couple of American hundred dollar bills worth 10,000 coins each and handed them out to Dick and Wiggs. "You are right, how could I have been so stingy before? Help yourself, mes amies!"

Dick jumped up and down like an excited little girl. Wiggs gawked at the amount of cash in his hand, the most he'd ever held at once actually. Kylie was surprised and jealous and babbled about how they hadn't really done much. Bond just stood back amusingly.

"Let us go," Bond said finally, grabbing Kylie's arm to lead her away. After Kylie could finally pry her eyes away from their cash, they made way upstairs. They were silent as they went up the steps, but Kyle noticed that Bond seemed to be in a particularly good mood now.

"Hey, what are you so jolly about?" Kylie asked.

"The joy of giving!"

"For real though, what is it?" Kylie asked seriously.

"Ha. Clever as always. Actually it was previous events. You see, you used my idea!"

"What? The- oh! That's where I got the plumber thing from? Yeah that was gonna be our disguise at Bowser's place at first. We discussed that in your car or something, right?"

"Something like that, but I am glad you bought it up. I would not have remembered it otherwise. Excellent work from you as usual."

"Oh yeah, thanks." Kylie said, trying not to smile.

"What is our plan exactly? Your idea that they know something we don't was correct. I suspect Bowser sent them a message."

"I guess so. Secret agents? That sounds like fear mongering. It's all because of stale soda, for pete's sake. Don't eat stale food!"

"Don't underestimate the power of nostalgia, mon ami."

Kylie looked to him solemnly. "Right...So I'm sorry too about last night. I blew up on you like twenty-five Bulky Bob-ombs and I shouldn't have. I've just been having a hard time."

Bond shrugged. "It's okay. This is a dire situation, after all."

"No not that." Kylie stopped on one of the steps. "It was because of you."

"Me?"

"Well, not you. I really do like you. It was just...your abilities..."

Bond's head sunk. "Ah. I see..."

"I guess I should explain. Back when I was new on the reporter scene, I dated this Toad guy who was a fellow reporter. His name was Mitch. He was real nice and stuff and he had powers similar to you which I thought was cool at the time. Well..after a while I realized he was stealing my scoops for the Mushroom Enquirer and was just a jerk overall. Worst thing is, I still have to work with him! Again, I'm sorry. It really wasn't personal but when you told me about yourself last night, it all came back to me..." Kylie was starting to tear up.

"Mon ami," Bond said, grabbing her shoulder, "I am very sorry you had to contend with someone who would abuse their power like that. You say you still work with him? Was he not reported?"

Kylie sniffed. "Yeah actually, but it's hard to provide evidence of mind invasion. It didn't really matter, he realized that his paper could get way more hits if he ignored the truth all together and published exaggerated bogus garbage that people eat up. So he just kind of quit doing it and is more of an annoyance than anything now."

Bond grabbed her hand as they started climbing the steps again. "You have to give me another chance, mon ami. You know I'd never invade your mind...At least not on purpose...." Kylie looked at him. "Uh yeah, it can't always be controlled. I subconsciously followed you this morning..."

"You did??"

Bond looked away awkwardly. "You were on my mind...Literally. I mean, you know what I mean. Listen, I'm decommissioning myself after this ordeal and incidents like that will never happen ag-"

"-You are?? Why??" Kylie demanded.

Bond looked back her way, surprisingly. "Because it isn't allowed according to Super Spy HQ. I mean, I theoretically could if I behaved normal but I clearly can't."

"Don't say that, Bond," she plead as they made it to Peach's room. They stopped outside the door.

"What do you mean?" Bond asked.

Kylie crossed her arms. "I mean, don't let silly ol me and my personal issues take that away from you. We don't do the same bring, but we both work for truth and justice, don't we? I wanted your help in the first place because I knew you were the best of the best. The top dog! And you mean to imply that you could keep this under control then but not now? What's really the issue, Bond?"

Bond took a deep breath as Kyle stared him down.

"-And don't even think about lying to me, Bond. I might not have your gift but I know a fib when I see one!" Kylie said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. Bond chuckled slightly, then took off his glasses to look her in the face. Kylie was once more surprised and at his unusual eyes and found herself gazing back with the same intensity.

"Kylie," Bond said softly, "you are aware that our abilities may be affected by our emotions, correct?"

"Uh huh...." Kylie mumbled.

"Well, I guess there is no other way to say this." Bond grabbed her hand. "Kylie Koopa, I l-"

The door to Peach's room opened, revealing Toadette who was holding some dishes. "Who are you guys??" she gasped. Bond threw his glasses back on and Kylie snapped out of it. They both froze up for a moment.

"Well?? I'm calling security!" Toadette warned, putting down the dishes and grabbing her radio.

"We're plumbers!" Kylie and Bond blurted out.

Toadette let out a deep breath. "Oh why didn't you say so!....Wait, dang!" Toadette stepped forward and closed the door behind her. "I'm Toadette by the way. Did Mr. Toadsworth send you guys up here because I said something about the water taking a while to heat up? I shot myself in the foot with that excuse," she huffed.

"So is there a problem then?" Bond asked.

"No. I just needed to get him away. The bathroom is fine, sorry you guys had to go up all of these steps for nothing," Toadette said sympathetically.

"Oh the trip was no issue," Bond assured her.

"Hmm. Really now? Because there's like a thousand steps from top to bottom, and I know you plumbers don't get paid much to deal with this. I'm kind of tight with the Marios you see. Who are you guys anyway? The Noki Bros?"

"I'm a girl, sister," Kylie said, mildly offended.

Toadette flushed in embarrassment. "Oh I knew that. I guess I was just thinking about like, Smash Bros or something. You know, they have female fighters too. I mean, never mind..." There was an aura of awkwardness in the hallway after she said that.

"..So can we speak to Peach, Toadette?" Bond asked.

"No. She's away- but not OUT! Don't tell Mr. Toadsworth I said that!"

"You mean she is not here at all??"

"That's not what I said! I just can't bring her to you, okay? Bye!" Toadette put her hand on the door knob, ready to retreat.

"Toadette, wait, mon ami. We are not really plumbers, I'm Jelectro Bond, a secret agent and this is Kylie Koopa, a reporter, and we have very important information that the Princess needs to hear. We have been on the case since yesterday and I assure you we know more about what's going on that anything you heard so far." Bond spoke quickly in his signature low but authoritative voice.

Toadette frowned at them both. "Excuse me?? Our Kingdom is at stake and we are at war! Prove to me that you really know what you're talking about. And yes, I'm aware of that stupid story The Mushroom Enquirer put out earlier today. If you even bring that nonsense up, I'm calling security immediately!" Toadette spoke authoritatively as well. Bond immediately thought about how she should have been the one guarding the front doors.

Kylie fumed. The moment Toadette had mentioned the Mushroom Enquirer, she blocked out the rest and got red hot. "So Mitch really did it! He put out a half baked-baloney-sorry excuse for a-no journalistic integrity-"

"What's wrong with her?" Toadette snapped.

"Never mind. Just listen to me. Here is the proof. The Mushroom King is now showing symptoms of Mushroom Flu. You can prove this by checking with MK East hospital. Emery T., the rooftop ems can verify everything. What else do you need to know before we can see the Princess?" Bond asked impatiently.

Toadette went pale and speechless for a moment. "HOW?-" she finally gasped.

"The secret is FungusUp, mon ami!"

"Bowser used that? But he said he used air pollutants and- well that message was confidential but-"

"We need to see that message! That's the only way we can solve the missing pieces. Is Peach here or not?"

"No, she's gone to see Mario!" Toadette admitted. "And our King is sick too? I hate Bowser so much!"

"Maybe Bowser ain't totally in hot water," Kylie said, recovering herself, "he was helping Mario all the way last night. Now show us this message!"

"I know Bowser WAS helping Mario but, I can't show the video...it was a onetime broadcast but I can describe it in full I guess. In fact, I might never forget it.." Bond and Kylie, who were growing impatient with her until that point, toned things down.

"Take your time, mon ami," Bond said softly. Kylie nodded and got her notebook ready.

"Okay," Toadette muttered, holding back tears, "this is a safe place by the way. Trust me, no one else is up here. So this Dark Boo messager sent it and it was a video of Bowser himself but kind of vacant looking. Like, I didn't see the video, I only heard the message, but that's what everyone was saying later. Anyway, he started talking about how he had given Toad, Daisy, and everyone else sick the Mushroom Flu. He said he had deployed some secret agents here in the Kingdom to infect them by airborne viruses and if Peach didn't surrender in a day, he'd infect more. And so Mario and the rest went off to fight and Peach put the Kingdom in a state of emergency but she wasn't specific about anything. She figured it would be better to keep quiet about it and hope that the Mario brothers could take Bowser out in the one day than cause mass panic, you know? But Mario had put Luigi in charge or something and then Luigi put him off the team so it was just Luigi, Buckenberry, Alagold, and Yoshi on the mission now I think. Peach went off to talk to Mario because of reasons she didn't go into with me, but she said to not let Mr. Toadsworth know she's out."

Kylie put her pen down and reread her notes, Bond seemed to be thinking about the recount.

"Hmm. A clone. No.. coercion .." Bond spoke to himself.

Kylie thought of something as well. "And you say Bowser's message seemed fishy?"

"Well they said it was kind of stilted and just off in general. I guess we were so distracted by the fact that he was threatening to change all of our lives forever that we forgot about his weird delivery. Why?"

Bond clasped his hands, pleased. "Mon ami? It's all figured out! We have cracked the case, of at least the main parts of it!" Kylie and Toadette gawked.

"Bond," Kylie exclaimed, "I kind of knew you were getting at something but you lost me!"

"Bowser did not do it. In fact, he is completely innocent likely. Someone has forced him to threaten the Kingdom and throw in a red herring with the method of infection. The whole point is to move the kingdom to immediate war, and the targeting of close friends along with innocents with a virus is to sever any chance of a peaceful relationship afterwards."

"Ah ha!" Kylie said triumphantly. "That's probably why they intentionally used a disease that everyone knows could only come from Bowser's castle. It was always meant to lead to Bowser.."

"Sharp as always, Kylie." Bond smiled. "Still I wonder where the MKDCU come into the picture. We know that they were called to the hospital, but not who called them exactly."

"Yeah, me too. Hmm. Their meddling is the only reason why word of MF got out. Obviously MK East was wholly unequipped with mad doctors and all. Why would anyone call em unless they were in on the scheme?...Unless someone was sabotaging it! Now that I think about it, I wouldn't have showed up if not for the crowd they caused."

Bond nodded. "I sort of stumbled into this because of the MKDCU's incompetence at the hospital as well. Still, those are secondary points, we know what we have to do."

"What?" Toadette asked. "If there something Peach needs to know, I can contact her."

"Tell her to warn citizens of drink any FungusUp, and instead turn them in at the the Toadley Clinic, NOT the MK East hospital or here."

"Why not here? MK East is Peach's official hospital and our infirmary here is great too!"

"A cohort to Bowser's conspirers is still at MK East. The other must have been the doctor that jumped out of the window, and I don't want dangerous cans of FungusUp anywhere near this castle. Now, you need to tell her this, Bowser isn't to blame, and there are no air pollutants, but his threat still stands."

Toadette, still overwhelmed by the information they were spewing, gave him a worried look. "What do you mean? Even after that, we'd still be in danger?"

"Yes. You can bet that after today something will certainly happen, even if Bowser is not the one to do it. Mario, or Luigi I mean, and his group DO need to reach Bowser today, but they need to take out exactly who is the cause of this. We can't know their exact mindset, but it has to be those in high ranking league with him. Then of course, there the matter of getting in contact with Dr. Mario before those currently sick go off the deep end..." Bond's voice got quieter as the gravity of the situation sunk in.

"I'll get on it, Eldstar be with you guys," Toadette said determinedly, pickup up her dish and retreating inside Peach's room again.

Kylie turned to Bond. "Zoinks! The truth is out! Guess our part in this skirmish is over?"

Bond turned to her regrettably. "I am afraid so, mon ami. We are just the justice seekers, not the justice enforcers. It is in the hands of Mario and the rest now that they know the truth, or at least enough truth."

"Yeah, and I gotta get on the scoop of the century back at the press. I suppose it's early on the draw, but after the journalistist garbage Mitch put out, I'd better counter it with the light of justice, ya know?" Bond laughed out loud at Kylie's eagerness, his baritone voice echoing slightly in the hallway. Kylie started to giggle too. "We have no business being this giddy. The show ain't over yet! Guess we'd better round up those other two. By the way, where we going for our next date?" She noticed Bond's look. "Yeah I know what you were gonna say, it don't take a psych to know when a guy likes ya!"

Bond flushed. "So it is a date then, my lovely Kylie!"

Mario and Bowser 17 continued

Toadette texted Peach with shaky hands. Explaining the whole deal went past the maximum amount of characters per text so in the end she sent off five or six. Bond and Kylie's revelation made her feel better and worse in ways. Before at least, she had a single person to blame and hate. Even through her sadness and anger, she could feel like she did know what was going on. Now though, she didn't know what was really happening. Who exactly coerced Bowser? Did they now have to deal with an even bigger villain? Then there was the fact that the plan wasn't even into motion yet. Now that Peach hopefully understood the situation, it didn't mean they were going to be successful. Knowing the truth now didn't help Toad and Daisy much, after all. The damage had been done for them.

Only one thing could comfort her now. She opened her messenger and scrolled through the contacts.

------

Luigi, Boo, Yoshi, Buckenberry, and Alagold stoped at a Water Land Toad House to check the map again. It was empty, surprising no one, but they found a mushroom left behind to add to their inventory. There were now six mushrooms, three fire flowers, one cape feather, two Tanooki suits, and one starman in their arsenal.

Meanwhile Alagold clicked on a YouTube video called "Mario is a sociopath". First there was an advertisement with a scene at a park. A hipster looking Yoshi wearing a scarf and holding a cell phone addressed the camera. "Can you hear me now? Oh right, with your phone plan you don't have the range that YoshiMobile has. You could be getting full coverage in all of the Mushroom Kingdom for twenty percent less than those other guys!"

"Yeah right," Alagold mumbled, furiously tapping the "skip ad" prompt that was still counting down. "I should have installed that ad block!"

"Alagold, stop!" Luigi said sternly, looking up briefly from the map he had pulled out .

"Yeah," Boo, who was just standing around, added, "content creators need that ad revenue!"

Luigi shook his head. "Actually I meant that just because Bowser didn't capture any fortresses, it doesn't mean we can have our guard down. Bowser could have deployed soliders, or worse, secret agents to stop us." Saying it out loud sent shivers down Luigi's spine. That, and the fact that this was his first hero mission without Mario in a long time.

"Right, gotta stay focused! Got ya Weegee! ...Hmm, wonder when I should drink this fungus up?" Boo pulled it out of the bag.

"Gross. Never liked that crap, stale or not..." Buckenberry said, looking out of the window in boredom.

"Different strokes," Alagold teased. "When will you learn that?"

Buckenberry looked to him and rolled his eyes, incidentally catching a peek of what Alagold was trying to look up. The video title made him gasp, "How dare you, Gold!"

"What? I know that's a stupid game theory but I'm so bored! We haven't fought anything yet and we'd been walking for almost an hour!"

Luigi shot Alagold another glance, which made him finally put the phone away. Buckenberry noticed that Yoshi was extremely quiet off in the corner of the house.

"You okay?" Buckenberry whispered.

Yoshi nodded silently. Just then Buckenberry felt his phone vibrate.

"Umm, I have to go to the bathroom. That okay?" Buckenberry asked.

Luigi looked to him disappointedly. "Have we not forgotten that we're on short time? Hey, where are you-"

Buckenberry entered the stall quickly and checked the message.

Toadette texted, "Hey baby. How r u?"

Buckenberry replied, "Okay. We've made some progress. Is it better at the castle?"

"Not really. I've just got news from a spy and journalist."

"???" Buckenberry would have added an emoji, but he wasn't hip enough to know which one to use.

"Uh huh. They say Bowser is innocent. *crazy emoji* I think we can trust them tho. They know that our King is with MF too now!"

Buckenberry almost dropped his phone in shock. His sweaty hands from Water Land's humid sticky weather weren't helping. "!!!!" He managed to text.

She replied, "Yea. I know."

"Toadette. Right after Mario was kicked off the team, I spoke to him and he had a theory like that."

"Really? Get this. you do need to get to Bowser still."

Buckenberry debated. Should he let his girlfriend in on the secret? Wouldn't hurt. "Toadette, Mario told me to stall our team. He said he needed to get to Bowser before us!"

After a moment, she replied, "Peach went out to talk to Mario! She was doubting something too. Guess what MF comes from?"

Knock knock knock! Splash!

There was a loud rap on the door, making Buckenberry actually drop his phone this time, and in the toilet!

"AAAHH WHAT?" Buckenberry screamed. "My brand new on contract phone from MushroomWireless!"

"What's wrong? Did you fall in??" Luigi asked from outside the door.

Buckenberry dunked his hand into the tank to retrieve his phone.

"What?" Luigi repeated.

Buckenberry kicked the doors open, narrowing missing Luigi. "I dropped it in the toilet!"

"And you say that I'm on the phone too much!" Alagold, who was also standing near the stall, mocked. Buckenberry shoved him hard and he fell to the ground.

Luigi immediately stepped in between them and he had to pull the Toads away from each other. "Stop this right now! Blue, you can get another phone later!!!"

Buckenberry stopped trying to strangle Alagold but was still seething. So much in fact, that he'd practically forgotten Toadettes's message. What was it? Something about needing to still get Bowser? Close enough, he thought.

"On the plus side guys, we found a warp pipe that will skip a world!" Boo said excitedly.

"Oh no!" Buckenberry exclaimed. "...I mean okay, but where is that FungusUp?"

"I thought it was gross to you," Alagold teased, this time cautiously standing behind Luigi.

"Shut up! Where is it? I need to see it!" Buckenberry demanded.

"Okay okay, here it is?" Boo pulled it back out of the paper bag. Buckenberry snatched it quickly.

"What's with you all of a sudden, Blue?" Luigi asked, approaching him again. "We need to move on, not fight over phones and soda!"

"I need a drink, okay? I'll even drink this garbage."

"But I found it!" Boo moaned, reaching for it back.

Buckenberry hid it behind his back. "But-"

Luigi suddenly snatched it from Buckenberry. "I will just hang on to it. Okay?? Any further objections? And I don't want another outburst from you, Blue. I don't want to have to dismiss you too."

"...Whatever," Buckenberry muttered, on the verge of tears.

"No need to be so angry," Luigi said delicately, "It'll all be over soon. Let's just work together this time. Okay?"

Everyone got silent. Luigi shook his head as he lead them to the pipe. Buckenberry followed as well, with his head sunk low, disappointed at himself yet again.

--------

******

Dick and WIggletron were in the torch lit basement. The downstairs area of Peach's Castle was just storage area and sleeping quarters, and the two had toured the whole little area in just a few minutes.

Dick yawned as Wiggs turned to him. "Well it is just as musty and banal as I remember. Let us explore on the ground level-"

"Halt!" a Toad said to them as they rounded the corner leading to the stairs. "State your authorization!"

"Okay 'pipsqueak the second'. We're plumbers and stuff. In fact, we were just leaving.." Dick said insultingly, but without passion. He felt like he might fall over sleep any moment.

The Toad crossed his arms and continued to block the stairway "Plumbers? Name please?"

"Richard. Call me Dick. And my friend here is Wiggs. Now let us up the stairs, or will I have to walk over you?!"

The Toad, ignoring the threat, pulled out a radio. "I'm going to need to verify your name and occupation for security reasons. Hold on."

"No, you hold on to your face!" Dick charged forward, only to be pulled back by Wiggletron.

"Security!" the Toad screeched.

"What is the meaning of this?" A British voice called from up stairs. After the sound of a few more footsteps, Toadsworth appeared.

"Mr. Toadsworth, these suspious people are down here and they attacked me!" The Toad said, pointing to Dick and Wiggs.

Toadsworth raised his hand to to silence the servant. "This is just a big misunderstanding. These must be the plumbers that were sent here, right boys?"

"Right, Mr. Old Toad Person. We were just fixing your moldy old pipes!" Dick said, winking to Wiggs.

"What? You called plumbers?" The servant asked in disbelief.

"Actually, I thought someone else called them! That is what the servant stationed at the podium told me.."

"No, Mr. Toadsworth. If you didn't do it, no one has that I know of. We've had no outcalls on our castle's phone line." When he said this, he and Toadsworth looked back to Dick and Wiggs suspiciously.

"-That is because the call was made from a cellular telephone," Wiggs spoke up, "but I can assure you that we were called and did not enter the castle under our own intuition or anything!" Dick looked to him with an expression like, 'you've just saved our tails'.

Toadsworth had a hearty laugh. "Of course! I always forget about those newfangled doohickeys! Carry on gentlemen!"

Toadsworth went back upstairs, making the Toad scoff. Dick smirked and lead the way upstairs, purposely brushing past the annoyed Toad and Wiggs waved in a friendly gesture.

Upstairs, it was still empty looking but they saw Bond and Kylie talking in an obviously romantic way on the freshly vacuumed carpet.

"Wow, I'm so surprised you two are dating at just one day!" Dick greeted them sarcasticly. Kylie and Bond turned to them.

"Oh, you're back...well how long have you known Wiggs, brother?" Kylie asked defensively.

Dick thought for a moment. "A month. Why?"

Wiggletron suddenly had a fit of laughter. "Ha ha ha! You are under the assumption that we are-"

"-Business partners! Are you not?" Bond asked.

Wiggs flushed. "Uh, no?"

"What is going on?" Dick asked, confused.

Bond leaned in to whisper to Wiggs. "You know what I mean, mon ami...." he leaned back. "Anyway, we can leave now. Our mission is over, everyone is paid, the proper authorities know the situation-"

"And you have a hot date now, yeah yeah," Dick interrupted. "So it's time to finally split? Well at least we got our highest pay ever. What now?" He turned to Wiggs. "Buy one of those new Mercedes-Benzs that everyone has now? Hang out with 'Munchie'? I mean that Yoshi guy?"

"I am not sure about that last option, Richard," Bond added amusingly, "Yoshi is off with the Marios to fight Bowser. Or one of them."

"Huh?"

"Bond is talkin about that green guy...what's his name again?" Kylie pondered for a moment.

"Luigi Mario?" Wiggs answered.

"Ooooh him?!" Dick exclaimed. "Mr. Green leading the assault against Bowser? Anything really can happen in the Mushroom Kingdom!"

Bond glanced at his Rolex Submariner. "Look at that! Lunch time already?" He looked to Kylie slyly will Dick rolled his eyes. "Let's bail."

@@@@@@@@@

At Bowser Castle

Kamek ran around Bowser's private quarters, relentlessly opening every dusty file cabinet and going through every file of Bowser's that no one had went through in years. After two knocks on the door, Ludwig and Iggy stepped in the room to find a massive mess.

"Gramps! Whatareya doing making this mess?" Iggy asked. "We don't have a maid anymore, remember?"

Kamek grunted without pausing.

"It's alright gramps, really!" Iggy said quickly, about to approach before Ludwig stoped him.

"Iggy. Let Kamek continue, we can tell him our news while he works. Ah hem!" Ludwig paused to retrieve a note from one of his jacket pockets. "As you know, Prince Bowser Junior's location is unknown, and we also know he spoke with Father before leaving. This being the case, we sent an agent specifically for him."

"Ah, our secret agents?!" Kamek exclaimed, still completely occupied in his file searching. "Which one of you useless brats chased after him?"

Ludwig hesitated, thinking about his next choice of words too deeply to even notice the insult. Iggy spoke up.

"We sent Z after him. Don't worry, Z won a track in field race in high school of something and will definitely catch up to-"

"You WHAT?!" Kamek screamed, tossing a few papers up in the air at his disturbance.

Ludwig covered his face. "I was GETTING to that! Yes, we have ally from out side of our dynasty assisting us for-"

"-Who is it? Z what? Who did you tell?!" Kamek asked, startling both Koopa princes.

"Just 'Z', gramps!" Iggy cried. "You know, Z the Dark Boo garbage collector?"

"But why, you idiots?!?" Kamek marched up to them in a conniption. "Don't you know what will happen if others know of our plans???"

"Because," Ludwig quickly interjected, "Z got in on our plans due to a completely random and unavoidable accident. Z just happened to be in the garbage room and, as we all know, our garbage shoots transfer sound much like the horn of a phonograph. You are familiar with the things, no doubt. Anyway, a message was heard, a conversation ensued, and we decided to take Z into our confidence rather than punish a servant who was only doing their job and was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I rest assure you, Z is without pretense and is nothing but an asset to us in our objectives."

Kamek stared at them for a moment lost in thought. "Those good old phonographs," he mused, returning to the mess of papers he'd made. Iggy and Ludwig gave each other a glance and left the room.

"I've never seen gramps so...frantic, angry, absent minded. Really he had a bit of everything going on. He had to have set a record for strange behavior," Iggy whispered as they distanced themselves from the room.

Ludwig pouted. "Also notice that we failed to bring up our original inquiry!"

Iggy threw his hands up. "Dang! You're right! Now what?"

"I will put up a line of defense. Nothing too crazy, but enough to not make it too easy for Mario."

"You think gramps will mind us taking all of these liberties? It can't be good for his blood pressure to blow up again like that."

"True, he has been disturbed lately. Don't want to send him over the edge, do we? I AM the army general however," Ludwig said with some importance, "and I believe I am authorized for such small scale endeavors. Tea?"

Iggy shook his head. "I'm gonna do something else instead. By the way, you heard of Peach's emergency call? Mario and the rest are definitely gonna get here today."

"Yes and? Better to get this over. See you later I supose." Ludwig waved as the separated from Iggy to head for the kitchen.

Back inside Bower's private quarters, Kamek almost jumped for joy. He held the paper close to his face, so as to read the small print. After heading a few lines, he folded it up, satisfied, and left the room, not bothering to tidy up.

"Just in case..." he said to him self.

[sophiehadder-blog]

♥: One thing you love about your Muse.☾: Favorite moment from your Muse's canon, and why. (If your Muse is an OC, then favorite aspect of their story.)☄: What you think of your Muse.

♥: One thing you love about your Muse

Sophie: I love how sensitive she is tbh and she gets a lot of shit for it but i love that she feeeeeelllsss things, as opposed to my other heartless assholes. but seriously, sophie is the one who’s guaranteed to make my heart ache all the time, like i’ll just get a whiff of something that reminds me of her sisters and ill be fucking inconsolable for the rest of the day. 

Peg: their humour tbh?  like they’re so funny and so idiosyncratic and i always pat myself on the back for that one and i love it about them, its my favourite part 

Jenny: How secretly badass she is? That’s my favourite part- jenny has so much potentiallll someone’s just gotta give her a chaaaaaaance

Simon: How fucking introspective he is, like after everything that’s happened to him he has such a deep understanding of himself which sucks cause now that he has this, he’s also had most of the control of himself ripped away from him, so like he can’t win

Theo: how much of a little shit he is. srsly, like i was afraid he was just gonna be really likeable- which, he still is but still- but he’s got that naughty streak about him and that eventual conflict coming up and it makes things so messy and i love it

Remy: I haven’t had all that much time to play around with him but in (in opposition to simon) i love how in-control and how take-charge he is about everything. He is very much a businessman and i dig it all the time 

☾: Favorite moment from your Muse's canon, and why. (If your Muse is an OC, then favorite aspect of their story.) 

Sophie: aLL OF IT? no- okay, i think, its definitely in the book, right near the end where Grandma Sophie gets really pissed off about something or another, the details escape me, and she goes out into the garden they have in the wastes and just weedkills a bunch of grass? and she’s so fierce? i fucking love it, it was highkey my inspiration for my sophie one-shot from like may. In this rp i’d have to sayyyyyy ummmmm god honestly the masquerade. I just lived for the drama 

Peg: uhhh the part where they’re a fuckin horse with wings. In this rp: christ- that fuckin’ argument with woody while peg was soaked in fake blood? I loved that so much??? honestly just props to faith she’s such a trooper.  oooh also everything with susan ever okay thanks

Jenny: i dont even fucking remember most of oliver and co tbh haha. In this rp: ummmmm pushing jim off a dock, definitely. Yeah. 

Simon: i’ve never seen james and the giant peach In this rp: ummmm idNO WAIT I DO KNOW god the fucking post-greece para with pascal where simon is just rUTHLESS that one was a goody 

Theo: i’ve never seen bambi don’t hate me In this rp: hoonestlyyyyyy like everything with bambi is always fucking great i can’t even choose a favourite, but then also that phone call with lottie? was so pure?? and wonderful??? 

Remy: That part where Alf wakes up after having let remy into his apartment and he thinks that he’s run away with a bunch of his food but then he goes into the kitchen and remy’s actually just making omelettes? OR that beginning part where remy tries to cook and gets hit by lightning. In this rp: honestly i dont think i’ve had him for long enough to pick 

☄: What you think of your Muse.

Sophie: i think she’s braver than people give her credit for tbh, keep on trooping soph

Peg: god i think so many things. I think peg is a fucking badass, but i also think they’re such a phony. I think peg needs to actually chill 

Jenny: lol whaTTA BITCH no im kidding, kind of, i think she just needs to be firmer in her stances or smth 

Simon: i think simon just needs some kind of normalcy back in his life tbh, i think so many bad decisions have been made for him and that rn he needs to choose to live a quiet sensible life. 

Theo: i think he’s such a little shit tbh 

Remy: I think remy also needs to chill- its a common theme