#gonna have to talk to my mom UGH
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#so my mom's wake thing was today and that was a lot. not in an emotional sense but in a im standing here talking for 3hrs#to ppl i dont kno or barely kno. ya kno? but it was good bc so many ppl showed up to talk abt her#so many people. my mom made a huge impact on the school system. so many ppl relied on her. she encouraged at least 2 ppl to get their#master. for one person to specilize in helping the dyslexic after her experience advocating for 3 dyslexic daughters. she wrote and was#awarded a 10000 dollar grant for special needs and intervention curriculum. which will affect so many lives.#everyone loved her. she's gonna get a track meet named after her and a scholarship created in her honor.#she was an amazing person and she affected a lot of lives and im glad she was my mom. and she raised at least one jem in my littlest#sister who is so sweet and is a great teacher. god but there was some weird stuff too. were pretty sure her old boss was in love with her.#and there were some weird comments abt her being a strong woman or this woman doing so much and its like hm y do i detect a note of sexism#y not say she was an amazing person? y the surprise? weird comments about how pretty i looked. which yes i looked great lol. my funeral fit#was cute. we did bright colors bc it was a celebration not a dower event. and im sure it was ment well but it was a lil weird. and then#everyone was telling my grandma what a great job she did raising my mom and like god fuck off she didn't do jack. my mom was great despite#her terrible mother. ugh. but altogether it was good that everyone was able to express their love for her. it was def a day that was for#them mostly. i mean partly for us but mostly for them. none of us even cried. ay but we have 2 more parties in her honor#bc everyone loved her so much we have to do one in her hometown too. plus a personal friends get together. ugh. im so tired#i wish i wasnt the most awkward. eye contact avoidant person in the room but like ya kno. what can ya do?#unrelated
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:c
#i luv my friends ;-; i feel like i’m gonna lose my mind when i’m not living right by all my friends lmao 😭#i’ve literally been hanging out w ppl like at least every other day if not every day#we made semi spontaneous plan to go to pride tmrwwweww 🥹🥹 i’m excited#i just am so happy that i get to spend sm time w ppl rn bc we’re all somewhat free bc summer 😭#also idk i was just thinking abt this recently but like#it’s kinda new to me to like actually be comfortable/confident in knowing my friends want/like my presence ;-;#even then i’m not that confident LMAO bc after sm time together i’m like surely they’ll get sick of me#like we’ve seen each other every day the past like three days#but no 🥹 ugh like idk man i had one elementary to sort of middle and high school friendship#that like fucked me up i feel like lmfao 💀#like girl sidelined me so much for other friends that i just#:l and cried so much bc of that 😀 anyway 😀#so like idk i’m just so grateful rn 😭😭😭#also was thinking abt it recently bc my mom made me feel judged/ made me feel like she was annoyed that i was staying here on campus#when i technically don’t need to and my main/only reason is bc friends#and after that conversation w her i got kinda annoyed bc i was like#i have had so many conversations w you where i was sad af or frustrated that my friends wouldn’t reach out to me ever#or my friend who never paid attention to me when other friends were around#like i don’t think she’s actually judging like me staying for friends but it was that one conversation we were both kinda annoyed idk#and i was just like . pls#anyway 😀 i always have so many friend thoughts i always be overthinking it LOL#anyway anyway i need to be up in like 6 hrs LOLLLLLL pride tho yay 🥰🥰🥰#rip me not having clean cute clothes for this LOL 🤪#ong last yr i tied my hair in a ponytail w like rainbow hair ties tied down the ponytail……#idk if i have those but if i do maybe i should do that again LOL#idk might be too lazy tho we’ll see how much time i have to get ready when i wake up 🤡#jeanne talks#TOO MUCH BYE
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I hate working with men
#have a male coworker who has been doing his job HORRENDOUSLY wrong#to the point that everyone else is having to take HOURS of their shifts to fix what he’s fucked up#and APPRENTLY several of my coworkers have tried to talk to him about it and correct him#and he’s been getting so goddamn offended and butthurt over it and acting like he’s not doing anything wrong#(and this is important the ppl who have tried talking to him are all older women. one in her 40s one in her 50s and one in her 60s)#ONE OF WHOM IS OUR DEPARTMENT MANAGER#and I was bitching about him today#and one of them was like ‘well maybe you should try correcting him’#and I was like why 1. not my job I’m not a manager but 2. he’s not listened to anyone else why would he listen to me#and she was like ‘well it will feel less threatening from you less like he’s getting scolded by a mom so he might take it better’#and like. HM! WELL!#I know this is a crazy wild absolutely batshit suggestion#but when a man gets told what to do/corrected by women (who have all been doing this job SIGNIFICANTLY longer)#and his reaction to is to act like a little fucking disrespectful piss baby#WE JUST WRITE HIM UP LIKE WE WOULD ANYONE ELSE INSTEAD OF TRY TO APPEAL TO HIS FWAGIL TEENY TINY EGO#LIKE IDK SEEMS LIKE THE NORMAL COURSE OF ACTION TO ME?????#not make the androgynous goth bitch in their 20s try to correct him cuz I’m SOMEHOW less threatening#I’m read as a woman he’s gonna have the same damn reaction#I just. ugh. UGH#I fucking hate men#kaz rambles
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sitting around sipping ginger ale….watching a video about crochet drama…I have unlocked peace
#I have an insane gas bubble rn my mom said to drink ginger ale so here we are#Ugh…ginger ale is so underrated. I forget about it until I’m like. Sick. And then I’m like mmm 😋#I’m not sick I’m on my period and it’s trying to? Explode me I guess?#but what a drank!!!#I’m actually starting classes in two weeks so I’m trying to enjoy the relaxation while I can#Having fun having a good time. Gonna draw later and might be. Shopping for school idk.#hope everyone has a good Monday ilya#ben talks
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🍪🥛
#out of sight out of mind....#im not gonna check his blogs every day from here on out#and i hid/archived our chat so i dont have to see it when i open the messaging app#i do have some kind of 'fomo' lol bc i dont wanna miss out on any potential glimpse into his mind or days#esp now when he doesnt tell me anything anymore. idk anything abt what goes on with him#but .. i am allowing and letting him control my life#i obsessively check my phone and refresh his blogs ALL day#it's extremely unhealthy and pathetic and i know this#it's just hard to stop bc i genuinely... love him sm#plus he told me he wanted me for real so he made me not only dream of a life i thought wasnt possible for me#but also WANT it. i only want him and to live with him and be his. that's all i want but he just cut me off out of nowhere lol#and im still hung up on it... i dont want my boring reality. current nor future. i just want the reality where im with him which he made me#think was smth i could have one day soon.#but anyway. if his feelings changed that's how it is. it's not even his fault it's just how things work in life#even if i dont want to accept it i have to. i cant keep living in this limbo. i try to talk to him but he's a wall so that's a No.#so i cant let him control my life and waste away all my days on him#i need to stop checking his blogs and our chat. that's the first step#im still gonna allow myself to think of him and daydream and fantasize. but that will have to stop soon too#then i have to focus on doing my assignments and read books and go to the gym#things that will help me get realistically where i want in my current reality#i want to finish highschool and then apply for a preschool or library program#and hopefully the plan is to get a student housing apartment so i can move out finally and live on my own and study#then when i finish i'll look for a job as either of those things. and a place to live (which is super fkn hard in these modern chaos times)#even if i have to live my life all alone... i want to be as comfortable as i can at least#i can live in my own row house and have pets and work and read and play games and watch shows#and see and talk to my mom#i mean hopefullyyyy i'll be able to try to make at least some shallow connections so i have ppl to hang out with#i can always hope to meet someone who'll fall in love with me but im not counting on it#ugh.. bc as it is now#i dont do ANYTHING but be on my phone
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Trying to undo the damage of Facebook w/o risking your relationship with a loved one is like defusing a fucking bomb sometimes I stg
#marquilla#i had a whole thing typed out ab this but ugh#im trying to explain to my mom that no they are not fighting to let children have sex changes. the only sex change sugery they preform on#minors are the fucked up shit they do to intersex kids at birth#that hormone therapy would be the only 'trans treatment' a minor could get and no it will not be w/o parental consent. and that hrt is#reversible.#id love to try to deradicalize the rest of my family but im sorry those motherfuckers are too far gone for me to try and keep my own sanity#like 1 went from far right to libertarian which isnt much better but it's something but im still leery of him ngl#and tra/dwife cousin's husband is full blown far right and i know it's wrong but i dont care enough ab them to want to try#ahdhdgdg i know it's bad but like they can all go to hell idc#and then theres the cousin i dont talk to who is a bible thumping freak who told his sister at her fucking lesbian wedding something#something god doesn't approve or something like that like 😬#and hes in a cult of some kind im sure but i didnt dig deep enough to find out if it's just WS flavored or full on WS shit#but theyre dead to me. i only have my lesbian cousin w/that last name sorry i dont have any [name]s in my family besides her#wouldnt put it past tra/dwife cousin's sister to be in some cult or cult adjacent beliefs honestly#i know shes being abused in some capacity and that her husband is a fucking asshole but shes a bitch so i dont talk to her at all anyway#(not that her being a bitch makes her deserving of that. those statements are two sep things. i feel bad shes being abused. AND separately#shes a bitch and her being a bitch is why i dont talk to her)#ANYWAY I Have a headache so im gonna wash the gunk off and hope i feel better
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also. this trip has been making me fully realize how much my hypermobility affects my life lmao and like. i guess just how connected my issues are it’s almost like my body is a whole interconnected unit
#but not by my shitty connective tissues ba dum tss! anyway.#this has actually been several months in the making. and then years if you really think about it. but mostly this year ive been really#sitting with it. like yeah this causes chronic pain for me. it affects me day to day like every moment. trying to figure out how to#reduce pain my body has been compensating for so long i have to reteach it how to function. u know#and also i really would love to get some mobility aids for myself for rougher days at least but lol. money#maybe i will at some point or ill try to diy#ive been using a tip from tiktok it said to use a scarf and tie it at night. dont have a scarf so ive been using pants#and it helps sooo much with keeping my shoulders in place it's so nice#abby talks#and then i have to specifically try to position pillows to support my knees. what i really need is one of the like#big triangle pillow things. my mom has one and i would use it at pt. gave my knees and hips such a break ugh#i will say this is an instance where tiktok is really helpful bc having people who also have these conditions and#relating it to neurodivergence and talking abt the way it all interacts and genuine ways to help yourself#is so nice. bc you know a google search is just gonna be like You might have loose joints if your joints are loose. like ok i’ll go fuck#myself i guess
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I’m kinda nervous rn….ok just so you know, my parents know I’m gay, but my mom suddenly invited me out to get our nails done, and idk maybe I’m just overthinking but its…..auuuaggggghh I wanna,,,,,maybe,,paint my nails,.,,,but a very VERY small but loud part of me is ringing alarm bells of crumbling masculinity,,,,,
AUGH I’m gonna scream into a pillow, gimme a sec, I gotta just get this out.
#neil talky#Its stupid I know it’s VERY stupid#shit like this shouldn’t be gendered but#Fuck you know???#I’ve always been that dude who’s just#dark clothes barely talks very cringy chuuni shit#but when my mom invited me I thought like#what if I get some cute shit right??#I KNOW THIS WONT MAKE ME ANY LESS OF A GUY#and I have they/them pronouns anyway so I dont feel like a guy ALL the time BUT#you know#you know!!!!#ugh#I’ll get over this I’ll hype myself up I AM gonna get cute colours and shit#Just need to#scream into a pillow first#The nail manicurist is my mom’s highschool friend and she knows I’m a queer so its whatevs but#gender panic for what other people will think ig#DEEP BREATHS NEIL HEEHOO HEEHOO HEEHOO
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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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what do u meannnnnnn i'm abt to be post college graduation 🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️
#apparnelty some family friends coming to my graudation#bc ig i'm the first in the generation to graduate or whatever the fuck#and like whatever that's fine but ffs i wish they would've come to my show instead#that i co directed and literally love sos o so oso sosososoososooo much#so so so proud of that#i don't give a shit abt my graduation tbh lmfao TT#so it lowkey doesn't mean much to me that they want to come to my graduation ;-;#it would've meant so fucking much if i knew they would be able to come#and want to see that and i could like suggest hey instead come see this show LMAO#like it probably wouldn't have happened but whatever#also just like i have like no motivation and no interest in stats at this point lmfao#ALSO bc these ppl all gonna be fucking talking abotu and asking abt what i'm doing after#I DON'T KNOWWWWW what i'm fucking doingggggggg#i alr get enough talk from my mom abt how i'm not applying to enough jobs#i dont need family friends to also be asking me and my answer just being ha idk#i'm fucking staying at college tho like on campus bc i'm a fucking loser and don't want to move on#like not rly. i'm kinda trying to see it as like#the alternative would've been me at home being a loser lol#and that would've been so annoying and even if this isn't the 'right' thing to do or most traditional#at least i'm choosing to do it ig#and i get to stay in this club w my bestestestestest friends for another yr#idc if i'm like not moving on when i should LOL too bad for me that's a future problem#and also kinda figure out this weird right after college time period w my friend who i'm rooming with#ok. slay that was. acool turnaround from me lmfao just . yeah ok that's the positive side ig lmao#anyway i also dont give a shit about graduation bc i hate my university rn lmfao :) and the world is burning down#jeanne talks#i am . procrastinating#imagine knowing what the fuck i learned in this class this whole semester#ugh literally two group projects to end on and two of the most boring annoying group project experiences i've had LMAO
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hey
dont talk shit about other peoples tattoos or ridicule them for getting whatever on their bodies just cause they wanted to. not your body, not your decision or place to comment
thats all
#my mom was basically staring at mine today. i told her yeah its still there. she actually voiced her displeasure for it like???#im sorry i got something meaningful on me that you dont get. i dont ask you to get it im asking you to respect my decision#thankfully my sister (who has multiple tattoos all over that my mom never complains about) backed me up#but god. dont do this. to anyone ever but especially to a family member or a close friend#..especially after i just this week pulled through because of it exists on me so liiiiiike. that was nice#i dont wanna dwell on this but i need to get this out of my head as i feel so gross having to endure that today after the past few weeks#the unsupportive mental health talk (unrelated to this or me) didnt help#i fucking loathe this family sometimes jfc#im gonna try to calm down i just feel very rattled and quite frankly angry at all of this ugh#night is an absolute mess on main
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really pissed off at my sister for what I think are valid reasons that no one wants to address but me. and then I always become the asshole. what else is new.
#she literally always guilt trips me about being the only source of her happiness#and like manipulates me into entertaining her because she claims I'm her only friend#and then when i try to calmly explain that it's not fair of her to do that#and point out. accurately.#that she will always ask me to do things and when i begrudgingly say yes she's like 'ugh no fine you don't want do just say that'#but if i say 'honestly no i dont want to'#she sighs and whines and mopes and is like 'im so bored no one ever wants to do anythign with me i guess i'll just go to bed and die'#so when i explain all of this and say 'i honestly dont know what you want from me'#'should i pretend to want to do something and be miserable or should i just say no bc its gonna make you want to kys either way'#she gets pissy and angry and is like whatever just leave!#and then i was like 'have you tried talking to your therapist about your inappropriate reactions to people trying to help you'#and she fucking screamed at me like 'have you tried getting a job or going to school!' like.#honey you're proving my point you know that right..#she's allowed to have full blown fits and tantrums and scream at me and insult me#but when im like 'this isnt fair or healthy and its not okay'#for some reason her and my mom and my dad turn on me.#it's not fair that i am the sole straw that keeps her from being suicidal every day/#it's not fair to put that on one person it's just not.#and i never have any time or money or resources to get me help because it's all about her#and i know that she's more of a priority she has more pressing diagnoses more deserving of help#but im NEVER allowed to have a bad day. never. im not allowed to want to be by myself or lash out even once#whatever im just so tired of this#i just like to sit in my room and watch my shows and be by myself and even that pisses everyone off i guess#and like not to mention that she was complaining that i always talk about my interests and she never gets to#so i actively made an effort to stop making references and not talk about my fixations as much#and that just pisses her off more#like what do you want!!!!!!!#i've been making myself smaller and subservient to you my whole fucking life and it's not enough!!!!!!!#i cant do anything fucking right!!!!!!!!#what do you want from me!!!!!!!!!!!
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gosh, I miss flirting and being mushy with someone
#it is still early evening. it is TOO early to be yearning.#this isn’t like an advertisement for flirting or anything don’t worry#I will NEVER flirt with you!#I am just the legally required sad uncle guy on here#and not the weird kind. the kind that’ll let you have a sip of their beer or drive you to the mall#or whatever I dunno I’m getting too deep into this#ugh calling myself an uncle makes me feel old…#…and then I remember I actually am an uncle and my sister has kids#don’t call me uncle. you can call me dad. but like step-dad. the kind that just wants you to think they’re cool#also I wanna kiss your mom#no but really how is your mom doing? how’s her butt? what’s her butt doin?#im a little tired so please I’m gonna ramble a bit#what was I talking about?#oh yeah… YEARNING!#I want to be mushy!#just wanna send someone a picture of two kitties with funny little hats and say ‘me n you’#me n who?!?#could be you? 😘#NO! that’s what this whole post is about! it could NOT be you! keep it professional#I don’t want to make my mutuals annoyed with me by making them think I’m flirting with them#why am I talking about all of this? this is dumb#sorry I’m just sitting in this car in a parking lot waiting for my bro to get out of school#which… shit… is pretty soon. guess I need to stop zoning out#uhhhh sooo…. kiss kiss kiss#and I love you forever#goodbye I guess#you can ignore this#text
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actually going to throw the hugest fit over my parents making me do dishes. i am HAPPY to do dishes on assigned nights. it's FINE. i hate it so much but i'll get it done and if i'm having constant breakdowns over it then like. idk. maybe that's another issue that you should be looking into but it doesn't mean that i'm not up for doing the dishes. but now my mom wants to have the five of us just. do the dishes on a rotation? which is FUCKED cause i have SHIT to do! the fuck happens when i have dnd? or want to go out with a friend? or have class until late? literally worst fucking idea on earth i can do the fucking dishes but i have to be PREPARED for it. for instance don't make it so every other week i'll be fucking Doing something when it's my night to do the dishes
#so tired and lowkey pissed off about this i'm going to cry#my mom got rlly upset cause the dishes weren't getting done. fair.#my nights got Done most of the time and i volunteered to take on an extra night so idk. i think that should count for something.#but she got upset and said that she would just do dishes from now on#and then realized it was a lot of work and said she couldn't do it on her own and needed people to help#and then said 'we should do it this way!' and never actually implemented that way#like. just said it out loud. but then like. expected it to magically happen?#babe you can't just throw out a hypothetical and go 'alright! now that i have spoken it into existence it's going to happen'#fucking WHATEVER though. cause now it's going to be my fun little dishes night on friday when i have dnd.#first fuckin round of it.#and it's not even that i don't want to i CAN'T do the fucking dishes on friday cause i'm barely in the house!#i'll be home on friday after work for fifteen minutes tops!#so. going to complain. literally some of us have schedules that take up the nighttime.#sorry that neither of my little siblings hang out with people or have regular social engagements or work late or have class late.#but unfortunately i'm literally doing shit. and i need to incorporate things into my schedule or it's gonna fuck all my shit up#and then people will be angry with me for not getting the dishes done. so. again. fuck me i guess#it'll be fine i'll talk to her i just. ugh. the world if mothers just fucking talked about what they wanted and needed to happen#she proposed that Multiple weeks ago and just now i heard her in the kitchen going 'i thought we were doing this...'#bitch since WHEN??? SINCE WHEN??? YOU HAVEN'T BROUGHT IT UP IN A FULL WEEK AT LEAST#throwing my fucking laptop against the wall i'm so fucking tired i just want to sleep#valentine notes
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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TRUSTING ME BRO I COULD CRYYYYYYYYYYYYY 😭😭😭😭😭I hope it does not disappoint... REAL THOUGH about the drama you mentioned in your tags, that's exactly how I felt reading If My Wife Becomes An Elementary School Student's title, for example, but I'm told it's wholesome☠️☠️I would love to hear about the one you were thinking of though!
I WILL BEAR IT IN MIND TO PREPARE FOR ARACHTAGON WHENEVER THE TIME COMES... totally understandable to get frustrated with RNG on top of that, RPGs can be so evil 😭😭😭still, again, I'm glad you're back to it! Also totally understandable to want to play on the original consoles... NOTHING beats the experience... the availability of playthroughs nowadays is nice for sure to be able to experience the series without investing that much!
I would LOVE to see more Normal interactions between Ichiban and Jo for real😭they have so much potential for silly moments... ever-thankful for your content and I Can't Say Enough always looking forward to whatever you might have in store :] whether it's that or something else :]
I EXPECT YOU'RE DONE WITH EPISODE EIGHT NOW AT MINIMUM SO I WILL JUST SAY the Ohashi arc and Episode Ø [<- why the hell is ep eight called this] are peak to me I am soooo glad you enjoyed the arc... LOVE the OST too, Yugo Kanno is a legend. HOWEVER all the songs on it are titled words that start with S and P so you get titles like Scarlet Pussy 😭
OH BUT SPEAKING OF SP'S WACKASS STRUCTURE pleeeeeaaaase consider watching SP: The Motion Picture and SP: The Motion Picture: The Final Episode after you finish the show... there is A Cliffhanger and those are the true conclusions to the story... and SP Final In Specific is what blew my nuts clean off...
STOPPP NO THAT'S EXACTLY THE DRAMA I WAS TALKING ABOUT BUT I DIDNT WANNA SNITCH ON MYSELF 😭😭 it really is a cute show..... im ngl it has some of my fave tsutsumi scenes/performances like it TRULY blew my expectations out of the water. i just feel SOOO awkward about it cause.. with a title like That and a premise Like That i wouldnt blame a single person for giving me a weird ass look so i generally try not to talk about it ☠️ its my guilty treat so to speak and i cant even tell if im making it sound worse than it actually is (╯x╰ )
in any case... i finished Security Police SO !!! onto After The Rain for me when it comes to Media Thats Awkward To Talk About But Please Believe Me When I Say Its Not What You're Thinking :]
LMAO PLEASE like... so long as you have the right equipment you don't even really have to do much extra grinding by the time you get to him... it truly is just hoping RNG doesnt dick you over ☠️ i've been cruising through the game since tho ! i dont expect myself to get into anymore awkward blockades anytime soon and then i can finally say i finished this game (●ˇ∀ˇ●)
THANK YA THANK YA it aint much but its honest work..... i have been real dead this week tho and i always get scared if ill draw again durin periods like this- i HOPE to come up with something soon cause there really is an untapped well of Good Stuff to be explored :]]
THE SOUND DESIGN OF SP WAS REALLY GOOD IN GENERAL THOUGH LIKE not just music wise was it good but i really loved hos inoue's migraines gave me migraines... immersion... but also just knowing when to keep things dead silent (like finding nishijima's corpse) did SOOO well to put emphasis.. the weird as hell names are just bonus points by now like. Gotta Let Bro Have SOMETHING As A Thank You For The Sound Design (╯▽╰ ;;) OH BUT IM GLAD THERE'S MOVIE TIE-INS CAUSE THE LAST SCENE HAD ME CONCERNICUS LIKE 👁️👁️? i was only able to find the first 2010 movie on the site i usually go to but its somethin...
#long post#snap chats#i remember i was telling jess about tsuma and we were texting but i just know she was textually giving me that Customer Service Smile#like im SORRYYY I DIDNT MEAN TO TALK ABOUT IT I ALWAYS SPEAK WHEN I SHOULDNT and then i never mentioned it again#well. i HAD to mention it when making that Shit I Watched list and Rest Assured i put a paragraph's worth of a disclaimer there 😭#literally not my fault the show's premise is That but it has a lot of really good scenes..... both silly and truly meaningful#i actually downloaded a whole ep just so i could clip one of my fave monologues tsutsumi gives in it 😭😭#REGARDLESS. if you dodge this drama i wouldnt blame you in the slightest like Again good luck talking about it without looking insane <- me#moving on tho..... big fan of the Lets Play era..... now my poor ass can watch people play games i want :) speedrun them too even..#but yeah no i love having gameplay vids on while i draw. not during streams of course but on my own time i watch gameplay vids#ugh its my moms birthday in like. half an hour and we're going out to eat... why cant i just watch stuff all day (╯x╰ )#IN ANY CASE im gonna go watch that sp movie so !!!! be back whenever i have the opportunity to speak again LMAO
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im finally going to replay y0...
#it's been a little over 2 years#and ive never replayed any of the games before so im very interested in what this is gonna be like#i just played them slowly and in order + lad ishin at the end#i kinda wanted to do the judgments first but uh. they're never on sale <3#someday though#ugh im nervous though#not about this but like. ok real ones will remember that a couple of months ago i mentioned i finally asked my mom for like. mental health#assistance that wasnt her telling me to stop spiralling. the two appointments we could do were like. next week or october#i technically have enough time to get my shit together but ive also like. never talked to an actual doctor about this stuff before#and she kept asking me if i could be more specific than 'general longterm mental health issues' (and anxiety which she added)#but like. i dont wanna tell her Shit about that yknow#especially not like. just woken up at 2pm no preparation#also she added anxiety on her own. so you KNEW it was an issue and you didn't fucking do anything about it? at all??#truthfully i don't think it's nearly as big of an issue as before. i get stressed about stuff sure but it's pretty circumstantial#like these days i dont have anxiety about much of anything because im not trying to decide my entire future between 8 hour days in the#bright lights and eye contact factory#girl you don't have any idea what we're getting into by doing this#anyway if i get an ocd diagnosis that'll be the most awkward because that's the only one they actively joke about and that i've butted head#with them on. (i mean theyre also shit to npd/aspd ppl i just haven't chewed them out for it yet bc every time i do that i end up useless#for the rest of the day at least and i gotta pick my battles)#and idek what i wanna do about the Probably Autism going on man. i've been thinking about doing foster care/adoption for years now#when im older/if im ever financially stable. a diagnosis could basically nuke my options for that#but they'd NEVER believe a self diagnosis#whatever FUCK JT ITS YAKUZING TIME!!!!!!!!!#OH AND IT'S THE FIRST TIME DOING ONE ON LEGEND#which im nervous about bc i never really play stuff on anything but normal#so uh. 😬😬
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