#gonna miss having a wireless screen over break

[cheswirls]

oops this tablet is due back in 2 days

[pleckthaniel]

T minus like ten hours before I leave town for the semester and I'm still not done packing :')

[juyeonjin]

My Older Brothers (Part 2)

Summary: The members had two weeks off. Jeongin entered Hyunjin's room which ended with both of them getting off to what Hyunjin had to show.

Genre - Smut

Member - Hyunjin, Jeongin

Word Count - 900+

Warnings - mention of porn, mention of anal, male masturbation

`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.

It was past midnight, the boys were at the dorms and had two weeks off to rest. Hyunjin had his own room and Jeongin decided to talk to him a little bit before he goes to sleep.

Jeongin, "Hyung do you want to eat some more? There are a few slices of pizza left."

Hyunjin was sitting at the corner of his bed, legs crossed while on his phone. He looked up at Jeongin then replied, "Ah... no, I'm still full from the burger and few slices I ate, I can't take anything more." Jeongin then just made his way on Hyunjin's bed after closing the door which he and slammed his head on the pillows while spreading his body on the surface, slightly creasing the bed sheets.

Hyunjin: "It's great that we finally have some time to rest now. .. ... I kinda miss practising though haha" making Jeongin giggle with him.

Jeongin, "Yeah I do miss it" "but it no time you will see how we will wish for a break again" he added jokingly.

Hyunjin: "I'll also miss the activities we did in your own studio too" he slid following the teasing tone that was going on.

Jeongin: "Oh, you do...?" he said with an impish smile. "Haha. ... it's like if we couldn't do it in your room"

Hyunjin looked at him with the same expression then joked, "And have your jizz all over my sheets, no thank you"

Jeongin, "It's not like if you didn't get yours on my couch in my studio"

Hyunjin smirked then replied, "Ayyyy. ... I said I was sorry and wiped it off. Well ..... then what do you want us to watch"

Jeongin chuckled at the shift of the conversation. He got up and leaned back to the headboard of the bed. He then told Hyunjin to bring his laptop while he took off his clothes. Hyunjin laid the laptop on the bed and he also started taking off his clothes while Jeongin searched for a video. He was still looking through when Hyunjin got onto the bed with him, the laptop between the two at a distance not too far and not too close for them to watch.

Jeongin, "Hyung, what porn do you love watching?"

This question made Hyunjin laugh with his mouth closed. He was amused by it and not bothered at all and Jeongin made a sly remark, "Whaaat.. are you the one embarrassed now?"

Hyunjin: "Pffft, no that's your job", Jeongin rolled his eyes to this, "And to answer your question I like watching anal videos."

Jeongin's eyelids perked up and he stiffened his back at the reply and commented, "Oh same here."

They both looked each other with insidious eyes and then both bursted into near quiet laughs.

Hyunjin then darted his eyes to the screen of the laptop and quickly typed. "Here, it's one of my favourites recently, what do you think?"

After a look at the thumbnail Jeongin tilted his head in affirmation and Hyunjin started the video. They each had a pair of the wireless earphones on, which was connected to Hyunjin's laptop. Soon they began stroking to the pornographic material in front of them with their chest heaving up and down.

Jeongin: "I have to say, she's got a great ass"

Hyunjin: "Right and her hole looks so tight. Her gape is also phenomenal. The way her ass cheeks are clapping while she's bouncing on his dick is so fucking insane, if I had her ass right now in front of me, I would dive my face right into it and then wreck that hole in all positions for the whole weekend non-stop."

Hyunjin was visualising her ass jumping on top of him as he was fucking into his fist.

They both knew how to go on for a long time and since they had no work tomorrow they could go till the break of day. Jeongin was massaging his cock, going at a slow pace and then shifting to a quicker one, grabbing onto his balls on occasions and sometimes halting to not cum already.

Hyunjin was also doing similarly and after thirty minutes in, he suggested, "Mind if we swap?"

Jeongin didn't mind at all and they both had their hand on the other's cock, pumping at a moderate speed. It felt different to have a hand that wasn't yours jerking your dick and both of them wouldn't usually do that with any person if they weren't close like they are with each other. It was a different experience and had it's own fun.

Jeongin: "I think I'm gonna cum now"

Hyunjin: "Me too"

They both got up, Jeongin displacing the laptop for it to be further from them while Hyunjin brought a towel which he laid in front both of them. They were on kneeling on the bed with their backs straight and cock ready to blow a nice load. Eyes focused on the porn, they were jerking off until both of them cummed on the towel, shooting on almost the whole surface.

"Ahhh that felt so good", Jeongin said while jerking off the last drips of cum and Hyunjin sighed, "Yeahhhh ..."

Jeongin was standing, cleaning his dick with with some tissue papers and before he could put his boxers back on, Hyunjin interrupted, "Hey, stay tonight, we can go for another round after I finish off the slices of pizza left. Looks like my whole stomach got emptied" They both giggled at his fun comment and he added, "It's alright if your jizz gets on my bed, I am gonna change it anyway so let's just jerk off for the next two weeks and get all that stress and fatigue away. I also got a lot of videos and pictures saved on my drive, it will be a fun two weeks." Jeongin chuckled and then replied, "I think Minho hyung has some fleshlights, we could bring them to use and even ask hyung to join us."

Hyunjin: "I think my bed is large enough for the three of us so let's do it"

[trouble2381]

Bird Song and Scum

This is the first chapter of a story that I'm writing for/with a friend. I thought that it might not be the worst thing to put up here first.

Chapter 1

"You can't tell me it's not a good idea,"

"No, I can't, but it's not going to happen,"

"And why not! It lines up perfectly with what they've done with the series so far,"

"True but I don't think that's what they're going for,"

"You don't know that,"

"No. No, I don't. But I do know Hollywood and they don't really go for things like that,"

"You two do realize you've been hot miccing this entire time, right?" Came a third voice over the radio. The car suddenly filled with alarmed screams at the sudden voice.

"Shit. Raven we're sorry," Said driver suddenly embarrassed as spouting her movie theories to not just her passenger but also the entire crew.

"It's fine Finch," Said Raven calmly "Besides, I agree with you on some of those points. Crane you gotta remember that Hollywood is under a lot of pressure to diversify now making a lead character gay would give them a lot of good publicity,"

"Hah," Finch all but spat at Crane, making sure to turn their microphone off first.

"But I do have to say that it was really unprofessional. Especially when I've got the new kid beside me,"

In Ravens car the "new kid" looked down nervously at his new mask. It was shaped like a bird and coloured a jet black with feathers stuck on as well to really help with the bird motif. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Raven leaned back into his seat, finger lifting from the mic's broadcast button. His face was hidden behind a mask of his own. It was similarly black but his eye lenses were coloured a deep scarlet.

"You'll have to put that on eventually kid," He said, not turning in his direction. His attention seemingly glued to the highway before them, waiting for the mark.

"I know. It's just... I don't know how to word it," he replied, his voice trailing off as he trying to find the correct words.

"You feel as though when you put it on you won't be able to take it off."

"Uh... Yeah, I guess,"

"I know that feeling. Though not from personal experience. The other members of the crew most of them felt the same. Look," He said turning his head and lifting the mask up exposing his dark-skinned face. It looked kinder than the mask but the new kid assumed that was the point. "It comes off easy enough," He smiled and lowered it back down, adjusting the straps at the back as he did.

Taking a deep breath as he turned back the mask in his hands, he raised it up to his face and put his on. The first thing he noticed was how comfortable it was, sure a part jabbed him here and there but given that it hadn't been fitted for his he was surprised. The second thing was how well he found he could see.

"There we go. Just like your name now. Welcome to the team, Crow."

Crow, as he had been christened, nodded his acknowledgement before reaching down and pulling up a laptop that has been sitting at his feet. He opened it up and, once it was fully loaded, prepared to infiltrate the IP address of their target.

"Shouldn't be long now," Spoke Raven, now holding the microphone to his mouth. "Remember, the target is an armoured van transporting a piece of equipment that shouldn't be too missed but will provide us with a decent amount of funds at the end. If we're lucky there should be a small police presence,"

"You mean unlucky," Came a new voice, gruff and female.

"Calm it now Vulture. The last thing we need is the police on our backs," Raven said calmly. "When we do acquire what we're here for lose whatever tail you might have gain and meet back at base."

"You mean the Nest," Came Finch's voice.

"We are not calling it that," Said Crane, in a tone that suggested that this hadn't been the first time this had been suggested. If they argued longer about its Crow didn't hear it as they must have learned from, they're past experience with being accidentally live.

Crow suppressed a small giggle hidden more by his mask. He let out a small breath before his screen suddenly lit up.

"Raven," he said, pointing at the screen. Raven must have known what he meant as a second later he heard Raven speak again.

"Target it in wireless range," In front of them the road lit up with flashing red and blue as the small police escort drove past them followed by the target and then two more small police vehicles. "Visual on target. Moving to pursue," Raven put the mic down and slowly started to pull the car out onto the highway a couple of Kilometres behind the convoy. Squinting, Crow could see another car pull out in front of the van. He prepared himself for what he knew was about to come next. "Now!" Raven shouted down the radio.

A few moments later a large armoured truck barrelled down the hill and slammed into the vans side, instantly flipping it over. The police around them instantly slammed their breaks, one of them colliding with the side of the attacking truck.

Crow quickly suppressed the alarms on his laptop, cutting off their radio connections as well as their silent alarms. He nodded at Raven who nodded back, leaving the car while pulling out his assault rifle from its holster beside the door. As much as Crow tried to focus on the laptop his attention kept being stolen by the loud sound of gunfire outside. He looked up to see cops taking cover behind their doors as Raven fired shots into them.

He could also see Vulture, wearing the appropriate mask, prying open the doors into the back of the van which had landed on its side. Behind the carnage he saw the other two police vehicles being pinned down by fire from two other masked assailants that Crow knew was Finch and Crane. He quickly stroked a few more keys on his keyboard, grabbing a few things as he watched Vulture leave the van carrying a large electrical looking device.

Crows attention was grabbed by the sight of a large man wearing a bird mask running in his direction, he tried not to laugh at the absurdity that he was witness to. Raven threw open his door, threw his gun in the back seat and slammed the car into reverse and turning them around in one smooth motion. As he sped away Crow glanced behind them to see the armoured truck following close behind before it turned into a slip road that Crow hadn't noticed.

"We still silent?" Raven asked, his head turning to look in the mirrors.

"Yeah. I still have connec- never mind. We still have a couple of minutes before they can call out."

"Good, standard procedure is to blow out the tires so we should be long gone before they even know to start looking for us. Hiring you might have been the best idea I've had,"

"I could have told you that," Said Crow jokingly. In more of an experimental way. He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Raven chuckle.

"You can relax. I ain't gonna throw out for a couple of jokes. I can hear the stress in your voice. Just think. We pissed them off today. Be glad about that."

And Crow did. He thought about how good that felt as he looked out over the

[ick25]

Rockman.EXE Final Episode Review!

I ain’t afraid of no Gostler.

Finally, the last episode of the first season of the Rockman.EXE anime, the last episode before Axess changes almost everything!

You might not know this, but I am NOT a huge fan of Axess, it nearly destroys everything I’m used to and love from the first season, but I’ll talk about that some other time. Lets dive into this final adventure!

Who you’re gonna call?

The episode begins at night where Netto’s dad is carrying out an experiment. He created something called the “Dimensional core” that projects a grassy field in a parking lot, however, this is not a hologram since Dr. Hikari is able to touch a tree, claiming the experiment was a success.

He is basically God now.

The next morning we are at Netto’s house where his useless mom is humming Aki’s cheesy song while Netto is working on some kind of device he invented. The device happens to be a wireless plug that allows him to connect Rockman into a far away computer.

I’m not completely sure how this is suppose to work. I initially thought it was a way for Netto to plug-in to any computer withing range, but I think it just allows him to reconnect with Rockman if he is stranded in a computer, since it has been showed in the anime that he can’t send chips if he is not directly connected to the computer or server.

Netto gets a phone call from Commander Beef who gives him some worrying news about his father before the title card appears.

We then see Netto and his friends, along with Higure, Masa and Mariko-sensei for some reason, in a commercial plane, I guess Yaito decided to get cheap on us today.

Netto tells everyone that Commander Beef just told him that his dad had suddenly gone missing in Jawaii. He is obviously worried by this and the grown-ups try to cheer him up, with Higure saying that Commander Beef was probably lying, which angers Masa for some “unknown” reason.

Netto suddenly receives a call from Enzan who gives him more information about Dr. Hikari’s location and what he was working on.

I find it interesting that this last line was skipped and given to Rockman later on in the american version.

What is Enzan’s reason to help Netto all of a sudden?

Speaking of the dub, the line they gave to Yaito here was very awkward, by revealing that she likes Chaud/Enzan which is completely out of character.

We don’t go to commercials just yet, but we get the first screen saver we haven’t seen since the first part of the season.

Gotta love the sub’s sense of humor.

The next scene takes us to the shopping mall that has been taken over by some big roots, with a giant tree suddenly appearing on the roof. Netto and company are now on a helicopter where they are amazed at the sight of the tree. Rockman tells them that the tree is made out of cyber matter but functions just like a real tree.

While giving us the code for shrinking the Shield program. I used to think that was a chemical equation or something. XD

So after Mariko-sensei makes a bad joke, Yaito orders the pilot... Oh no! Why is SHE the pilot?!

Did we really need that gag to return?

Meanwhile, on another part of Jawaii, we see the Ex-WWW who have opened a second restaurant called Maha Niban and it seems there is an air of contentment around them because they all look happy and fulfilled.

Oh boy, I can tell something bad is gonna happen to them soon and I just can’t wait!

Back to our heroes, the inside of the mall looks like that planet from the Degoba system where Yoda lived, except the camera rotates around some of the plants that look three-dimensional but they’re actually bi-dimensional.

Which raises a question. How come these plants are bi-dimensional but Dr. Hikari was able to touch a solid tree at the start of this episode?

The group suddenly hear a familiar voice, it turns out to be Aki-chan who calls for Netto from a projection near the wall.

Aki tells them about Dr. Hikari’s experiment and how it started in the parking lot of the mall with the program he created called the Dimensional Core, however, viruses have taken over the Dimensional Core making the cyberworld in the mall unstable.

After Aki’s transmission is cut off, everyone decide to go to the parking lot, but not before Yaito reminds us how clumsy Sakurako is by telling her to stay put.

Seriously, what were you thinking, Yaito?

The group find an elevator that is still working, while they wait, Rush sees what looks like a pink female version of himself, presumably, another Mole virus. The girl virus lures him over and then... Does this.

What in the world was that?! This always confuse me. Is that how those viruses are supposed to be like? Is Rush like a tamed virus? Was it trying to eat him? Unfortunately that isn’t the case since Rush quickly hides behind Meiru who then notices that they are not alone.

What a silly question, Dekao. They are viruses, they are programmed to destroy everything in sight, whether it moves or not.

The group manages to escape through the elevator where Tohru says that the viruses probably materialized due to Dr. Hikari’s experiment. Just then,  Metools begin to destroy the elevator.

So cute, yet, so deadly.

The group is forced to get off in the second floor with the Mettools right behind them, but they are suddenly stopped by a group of Bunny viruses. With viruses on both sides, Netto and friends pull an impossible stunt to avoid getting hit by the viruses attacks.

No uncomfortable line after that, Netto? When that happened in episode 29 you were pretty happy about it. 

After the vines break and Higure is chased away by a Ghostler virus, Netto and his friends decide to use their Navis to stop the experiment from the cyberworld. 

I remember this part having my full attention, if viruses where able to materialized in the real world, maybe the Navis would too, we might see something different for once.

o_o  Well... That’s certainly different.

Apparently the cyberworld has become so unstable due to the experiment, that the Navis had nowhere to stand on, because that’s how computers work, right?

So after this, we get the second intermission with Rush running away from a Mettool, with some confusing messages from the subs.

One, what would Pharaohman’s first appearance have to do with anything? And two, isn’t it CTRL+Alt+Del? Because either way, DON’T DO IT!

None of the PETs can find the Navis, so Netto takes out his WiFi device and says how it is connected to Rockman, and can tell Netto if there is a Bluetooh-I mean, if Rockman is within range.

Then what was the point of building that thing?

With the Navis missing, the group have to find another solution, but before they can think of something, they are surprised by a Handi virus, and during the confusion, a Magma Dragon virus kidnaps Mariko-sensei with Masa running after it. Netto and friends are then ambushed by a Powei virus who chases them. 

While trying to get away from the virus, Meiru trips (because of course she has to trip), Netto goes back for her and gets her out of the way just in time.

The virus breaks a water fountain and the splash deletes it giving Netto an idea of how to fight the viruses.

Meanwhile, we find the Navis walking around an area that looks like the inside of a tree. Since they have no idea where they are or where they’re going, they start to lose hope until Aki-chan appears before them with the compression code for Fast Gauge because we need to speed things up.

We return to Netto and friends who have found Gabgom’s department store that Yaito mentioned back on the plane, where they are all suiting up for some Live Action Virus Busting or LAVB.

So we get a Ghost Buster tribute, but instead of high tech gadgets, our heroes have water guns.

The boys cover an area of the mall shooting water at the viruses to delete them. Rush is also helping out (Even though we know he has a virus summoning ability), and we get one last scene with the weird female Rush virus before she is deleted with the water; but I still have one question in mind.

The girls cover another area where Yaito is riding a mini tank that fires water balloons.

She had a bazooka in another episode so this doesn’t surprise me.

Then we get this quick scene of Masa-san changing into Commander Beef in a dressing room and attempting to save Mariko-sensei from the Magma Dragon.

As expected, it didn’t work. 

After this, the Magma Dragon lands and is ready to eat Mariko-sensei or something, but the boys appear to save her. Since the Magma Dragon is big, it takes a lot of water to finally delete it. They reunite with Mariko who asks if everyone is alright.

Wow, that’s cold, Netto. I know it’s just a Gostler, but a materialized virus is still pretty dangerous, except for Rush.

We then get the final commercial break that omits the second part, something the subs kindly reminds us of.

I guess it’s fair since we saw chibi Blues twice in the last episode.

We return with the Navis who finally see the exit.

“Hurry just like a Fast Gauge!”

Back in the real world, our heroes arrive in the parking lot basement where they find the Dimensional core under a gigantic tree, but before they can think of how to fix it, they are surprised by a very big cameo from the game.

The Life Virus!

Of course the anime leaves the final boss of the first game for the final episode, and it is even more intimidating than in the game.

Turns out the powerful Life virus is the one responsible for making the program unstable. Since the boys are the only ones with water tanks for some reason now, they shoot water at the Life Virus, but because it is so humongous, their attacks are ineffective and they quickly run out of water.

With no more water, Netto and friends wait fearfully as the Life virus approaches them, but just then, Netto’s wireless device starts to react.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! FINALLY!

After 55 episodes, Rockman finally appears in the real world!

The rest of the Navis appear soon after, giving Meiru and the others my exact reaction to this scene.

But I have no idea why this shot was skipped in the dub.

The Life virus attacks and the Navis fight back.

Unfortunately, their combined attacks are not enough to delete the Life virus, so Netto connects his PET to the wireless device in order to send Battle Chips to Rockman.

Now, if you’ve been taking screenshots of the episode like me, you’ll notice that there are quite a few recycled shots and animation errors, like Netto’s slot-in scenes with his regular cloths except that they were painted over to look like the outfit he’s wearing.

And this reused shot from episode 51, since it’s the wrong chip and the background is from the WWW lair.

Kanketsen is Fountain, a chip that normally can only be used with an aqua element Style Change.

Speaking of said Style Change, Netto somehow activates the Aqua Custom Style without the Extra code to finish off the Life virus with the Mega Deus Ex Maquina burst!

Now it’s the right chip, but still the wrong background.

Once the Life virus is deleted, the Dimensional core stabilizes and all the other plants, trees, and even the Net Navis return to the cyberworld.

With everything back to normal, the group find Netto’s dad who was sleeping the whole time, and the ending music starts to play in the background along with the credits.

Netto wakes him up by pulling his ear, and then he has this weird formal exchange with Mariko-sensei.

No questions about why your son’s school teacher is with them in the artificial park you created in a mall in Jawaii?

Now, this part might be a little infuriating since Netto’s dad had no idea that the experiment was corrupted by a Live virus, how it took over the shopping mall, and how everyone was worried about him since they didn’t hear from him in a very long time, but the upbeat ending music kinda makes you realize that this is not suppose to be taken seriously.

The worst part is that Dr. Hikari just straight up leaves Netto behind while he goes back home to Japan in his weird flying van, something I would expect from Yaito.

I guess it’s a good thing the dub changed his lines to avoid making him feel like a jerk. What does he say instead? Well, its kinda of spoiler for what happens next.

Rockman and the other Navis materializing in the real world, and the Ex-WWW is attacked by a giant tree... I should feel satisfied, but not really.

My final thoughts?

Wow, once again the show plays with my emotions by finally making Rockman and the other Navis appear in the real world but it doesn’t last long and it doesn’t feel as meaningful as it should be. The whole episode is treated like a filler episode rather that an important plot point for the next season. During that time, and also because Axess was never dubbed in Latin America, I never knew that they were gonna use the Dimensional Core as the basis for the Dimensional Area in the next season.

Speaking of Axess, it looked like they weren’t even planning on making another season after this, but they just had to because of the forth game that would be released for December of 2003. This episode premiered in March of 2003 while Axess started in October of the same year, that means that the producers had to hire a whole new team of writers and animators to work on Axess in the course of 7 months, because the feeling of the new season is almost completely different from the first two, and that is why the first seasons will remain in my heart while having mixed feelings towards Axess.

The idea of Netto suddenly being an inventor in this episode is a cheap way to introduce the Wireless device he gets from Meiru in BN2.

Only to have it stuck forever on the other side of a room when confronting Princess Pride who had destroy part of the floor.

Battle Network logic.

Before ending this review I have to thank WolfPack Productions and the other groups who subbed these episodes, specifically the former because they made their own credits after this episode.

And thanks to them, not only did I discover that Higure and Numberman are played by the same voice actor, but Coloredman too.

So thanks to them and everyone who follows me on Tumblr and Deviantart who liked and or commented on this reviews.

[dailytechnologynews]

Is there really not a perfect 11.5-13.5" Windows tablet choice?!

Hello guys. For the past week i've been researching to find the perfect windows tablet choice for my specific application need. However it seems there isn't even one device that doesn't have some type of throwback. I'm not asking for everything, but it seems it is either hit or miss, even if you take into account overpriced products. Please hear me out and let me know your thoughts.

I am essentially looking for a WINDOWS TABLET which its primary purpose is to be fitted to my car as a secondary "dash" per say so i can use it to interact with my aftermarket motorsports ecu. It will function as a monitoring dash for the most of the time, but can be used to datalog (aka record data) or for direct tuning (so i don't have to bring my laptop everytime i need to make changes to my engine calibration). I wouldn't mind using it at home as well since i will have it, but mostly will work as a travel/trip companion since i have a PC at home. It has to be a WINDOWS tablet as the software that interfaces with the ecu is only windows based.

After thinking and revising my requirements several times after getting disappointed by what is available here is the break down:

Dimensions: Height needs to be around ~205mm +10mm max so the tablet can be secured in the glove box when not in use. Ideally height should be maximized so that the display area is maximized as well. Length larger than 300mm is not a problem but would get annoying to fit to the car since it will extend more towards the passenger side. This effectively limits me to ~11.8-13.3" tablets, so Microsoft Surface Pro can be used as a reference design (since i haven't seen bezel-less windows tablets yet) Display: This is the most important attribute of the tablet. 1080p absolute minimum resolution, 2K ideally, 3K is probably not gonna be noticeable at the usage distance. Here is a screenshot from my 1080p laptop so you can see the ECU software in datalog mode (slightly cropped but so you can get an idea: http://content.invisioncic.com/r260425/monthly_2017_09/fuel_pressure_link.png.bc827c0a96fe120632f1d7c168e66a64.png However let's not forget brightness and contrast. Brightness should be ~400nits or better for a glossy display, and contrast should be considered over color accuracy. Viewing angle in the length span should be at least 150deg but i think it is hard nowadays to find such a bad display panel. Finally a fully laminated panel is recommended. Physical interfaces: I essentially need a single full size USB port so i can connect my ECU to the tablet. After my research i decided to allow for USB-C assuming that i can get a dongle that will allow me to interface without any issues; but it's best not to allow for that route due to possible incompatibility issues (like what happened when usb3.0 was released). Extra USB ports, USB-C that allows charging and data, video output port, headphone jack, m.2 expansion slot, sd card slot are all pluses. Wireless interfaces: Min wifi and bluetooth. 802.11AC and bluetooth v4.2 or better all pluses. CPU/GPU performance: Generally something better than N3450 (tested my brother's CHUWI surbook mini) and more recent will help, GPU performance is irrelevant for the task so the majority of intergrated GPU's will do fine. RAM: 4GB absolute minimum, 8gb ideal Cooling: I prefer passive cooling, but usually the cooling solution used is sh*t. At least in some cases it can be modded (i'm experienced and willing to do) Battery: 4 hours light use with full display brightness as minimum. If charging is performed over USB-C i hope it is not the stupid kind of power->battery->device like in phones and can work like in laptops where the battery is not used when power is supplied to the laptop. This way you don't wear out the battery since the device will be connected to power most of the time it is operated. Storage: 64gb absolute min, ideal min should be 128gb, speed is relative but i think at least m.2 sata interface ssd; NVME huge + Others: Pen support and attachable keyboard are pluses, but i plan on using a good bluetooth keyboard with backlight (required) so it makes them irrelevant if the tablet is good, Thunderbolt 3 is a +, unlocked bios +, kickstand should work on a lap without cutting your pants off and stay in one place, sd card reader + Reliability: From what i read most chinese tablets are pretty bad with both hardware and software issues out of the box. Backcover should be metal to act as heatsink and be stiff enough, weight and thickness is not that important Condition: New or used. I believe some products offer better value when bought used and others because have been discontinued Pricing: My budget is flexible but depending on the features lots of them are overpriced especially bought new. I would say ~500eur for a new tablet with min features required and 1000eur for one with better hardware. Considering i'm building a 7nm PC in a couple of months the market pricing is really unacceptable for most windows tablets. Blame Apple for it, but i'm not a rich consumer neither i am a sheep. Performance to value is what i always look for.

I literally checked every windows tablet and 2-in-1 i believe. Here some potential picks and what i didn't like.

Microsoft Surface Pro (4 - 5 - 6): At first glance it is a good base candidate..but..really Microsoft? It's 2019 and no USB-C? Proprietary connector and overpriced hardware? Questionable reliability? Get the f*ck out of here. Unless you find a good used deal i don't think it would be worth it. Another Apple wannabe. Eve-tech EVE V: This is one tablet that hits all the boxes, kinda, since by now it is almost obsolete in terms of CPU performance..sadly while i'm greek-cypriot i would go with the stereotypical view for greeks because the CEO is a "malakas" and i'm really sorry to all the people that were scammed. On the other hand i believe there is some truth to the Paypal issues he had since my friend had similar issues (because of not much experience) and even I couldn't help him get them fixed as Paypal is run by assholes as well which need a punch to the face (their excuse it is the system and they can't do anything about it - like wtf). I still use it but the time a different payment system reaches similar adoption i would gladly switch. Chuwi Surbook: Slow CPU, screen is not fully laminated, mediocre specs but was good price at some time ago. Maybe the announced "surbook pro" would fair better? Voyo Vbook i5/i7 Plus: Nice screen, fair pricing? Not the most quality build, shitty battery, i7 model throttles? Teclast X6 Pro: A slightly better vbook i5? No full detailed reviews yet, and i wasn't that impressed from the previous X5 review Alldocube Knote 8: Seems good on paper, but no type-A usb ports Jumper EZpad 6: Possibly the only windows tablet in stock with a good value, however i need something with a better and larger display Acer Switch 3/5: Mediocre screens, single type-A port on the right side (since my car is RHD and the ecu is on the left side i would prefer it on the left side), shitty battery performance, a little overpriced Dell XPS 12 9290/Latitude 5290/Latitude 7285: Great displays, powerful, only 5290 has type-A port, mediocre battery life, overpriced but there are good used deals Asus Transformer 3 Pro T303UA/T304UA: Premium specs but discontinued, expensive, only 1 type-A port and it is on the right side (again), T304 is a huge step backwards even though newer (what the heck Asus, are you drunk?) Lenovo ThinkPad X1: Overpriced, no type-A ports, Gen3 is too big and has display coating issues, Gen2 is more suitable due to size and type-a interface but older and screen brightness not that good - all too tall Lenovo MIIX series: new 630 uses an ARM processor so no go (since i can't force the software developpers to re-compile), 720 rates very high in the features i need, 2 usb type-A ports, nice display, etc. 520 is a little newer with weaker hardware but still good for its price HP Pro X2/Envy X2/Elite X2 1012: HP's other offerings like the Elite X2 1013 are too tall for my needs, and while they have good displays and good build quality i am not font of their design decisions. I have a Zbook 17 G5 workstation at work we bought new and not even 6 months passed and the CPU fan now rattles like crazy..here's my 1st day rant about it: https://h30434.www3.hp.com/t5/Notebook-Hardware-and-Upgrade-Questions/Note-to-HP-Zbook-17-G5-design-engineers-Please-read-and/td-p/6914797 Also they are overpriced like crazy. I wouldn't ever think of buying again from them. Also the power supply is proprietary as some of the internal hardware. F*ck HP Huawei MateBook E: Aside the lack of ports it is a pretty good designed device, display is perfect but slightly smaller than the biggest i can fit - depending on price it might be a good consideration assuming i can run a USB-C dock i can charge within the car Samsung Galaxy Book 12: Similar to the Huawei above, just a little faster but with a worse display, extra usb-C port. Older and more expensive than the Huawei Toshiba Portege X30T and others: Ports are on the keyboard and not on the tablet, won't work for me.

I think i've covered 99% of the options but i may could have missed 1 or 2. To be honest i won't need this tablet for another 3-6months i would guess but at least i've done my research so i will be prepared when the time comes to buy one. What do you think? I know i went a little crazy but i'm that type of person that never regrets his purchasing choices because i don't buy blindly.

[k-p-p-d]

Stay: Think About You (A)

Pairing: Jisoo x Male OC (feat. Bobby)

Summary: Jamal knew breaking up would be difficult, but he knew she would be better off for it.  What he didn’t know was how he’d ever be able to keep himself from ever regretting letting her go...

Length: 2k

A/N: Listen to this while you read! @blackinkfics This has been a year in the making and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get to a point where I felt comfortable enough to post it.  I’m also sorry that this is how far I’ve gotten in all this time, but I hope it lives up to your expectations.  Ily~ #LongLiveJJ

                                                     Jisoo POV

Jamal stared blankly at his phone. The screen was still aglow with the notification of a received message, allowing his eyes to fixate on the name he tried so desperately to keep out of his heart and off his tongue. God, he knew he shouldn't have thought of her. He knew it. But he had and in a cruel twist of fate she had made her unwelcomed but desperately craved grand entrance into his isolated world with a text.

His conscience was torn straight down the middle. He didn't want to open it because he didn't know if he was ready to have a conversation with her just yet; if he was being honest with himself, he really didn't want to try to talk to her. But what if he didn't open it? Would she realize he was purposefully ignoring her? Would she be further hurt by him? Would she never try to speak to him again, and would spurn all his future attempts to strike up a conversation when he was ready? But what if he did open it? Would he be hurt by what she said? Would he be forced to defend himself against her well-deserved but still painful attack? Would he have to break her heart again by cutting short her attempts of reconciliation, give her some bullshit and noncommittal answer to make it seem as if he was significantly more unaffected than he was? What if he was the one who tried to reconcile but she shunned him? What if, what if, what if?

Those two words and the countless possible outcomes they preceded echoed loudly through his head, only drowned out by the pounding of his aching heart. He snatched off his hoodie and threw on his headphones. Tapping the side of the ear cuff, he silently thanked the Lord for wireless technology as the song began to play without him ever sliding open his phone. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, surrendering himself to gently crescendoing song. He couldn't help but wonder if she still used this trick like he had taught her so long ago. The bright image of her smiling appreciatively at him as she thanked him, her beautiful voice ringing through his ears and making his heart soar. Jamal grunted as his eyes flew open, "Channel it!" With the first drop of the hard beat, he flung soul first into the music and he let himself be consumed by the banging deep bass. With every powerful move, he roughly shoved aside his haunted thoughts. With every sharp hit, he sliced through his pervasive regrets. With every precise step, he chased away his conscience until he was blissfully numb, only sensitive to the familiar ache surging through his exhausted muscles.

It wasn't until he was stooped over and dripping with sweat that he felt the presence of someone else in the room with him. A pang of bitter disappointment pierced his heart as his eyes met familiar grinning slants sparked with amusement. But they weren't those of his dazzling starlight. "You gonna keep staring or come up here, big boy?" Jiwon teased, waggling his eyebrows and poking out his tongue.

Jamal groaned loudly, unceremoniously dropping onto the edge of the oversized bed. "What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing," came the response with its shoddy veil of feigned innocence sliding off each word.

"Whatever you're thinking, don't."

"So you're saying I shouldn't send you this dope ass beat for you to dance your girl problems away--"

The elder snappily interjected, "I don't have girl problems."

Jiwon shook his head, "No, you don't have a girl. But you got 99 problems and a--"

"Watch it," Jamal growled fiercely.

"--chick is the source of all of them. Jeez, lemme finish talking at least once, will you?"

"You're a lot more respectful when we're in Korea," the exhausted dancer griped, allowing himself to slip from Korean to English as his brain was too worn to properly translate.

"That's because we're usually surrounded by 50 million other people and a shit ton of cameras," Jiwon pointed out in English before tacking on a quick, "hyung."

"True," the dancer conceded as he lay back onto the uncomfortably soft bed. His eyelids drooped to a close and he lay there for a few moments just listening to his breath while Jiwon tapped away on his phone. "So," he flipped over onto his stomach, "are you going to play this beat for me or just hog my bed instead?"

The rapper lightly flicked his shoulder with his foot and stuck out his tongue, cheekily quipping, "You should be happy to have a body in your bed!" Jamal snorted derisively, a habit he hadn't realized he'd picked up from Jis--

Her.

He shook his head as if to erase the name he almost thought. If he said the name, the pain he had been trying so desperately hard to beat back and ignore would rear its ugly head and rip the sloppy stitches of time and distance from his still-bleeding heart. So it would always have to be simply "her" until he could no longer recall the sensations of her silken raven hair twisted around his fingertips. Or until the sounds of her voice stumbling over his name no longer made his breath hitch and eyes prick hotly with tears. Or until he could look at himself in the mirror without seeing the pain and confusion and loss in her eyes glaring back at him.  "Ass," he mumbled bitterly to himself as he pushed himself off the bed to retrieve his phone, the closest thing he could hold that directly linked him to her.

Luckily, Jiwon mistook who the comment was directed towards and defensively shouted, "Hey! Just because I have a great ass doesn't mean you get to call me one!"

With a roll of his eyes, the elder dismissively retorted, "Your ass is flatter than your chest so chill out."

"That's not what my fans say..."

"The ceiling fan doesn't count."

"Asshole."

"Dickhead."

"Shitface."

"Ugly bunny ass, gapped tooth ass, head ass, fake punk ass, weak ass, lame ass--"

Jiwon clutched his chest and whined, "Shit, man! That was below the belt. Why you gotta roast me that hard? What did I ever do to you to deserve such hate?" Jamal's eyes scrunched shut and his cheeks bunched upwards as his mouth fell open in laughter, head tilting back involuntarily as howls of laughter ripped through him. Jiwon beamed brightly as he watched his friend finally laugh so fully for the first time in what felt like eons. He'd really missed this sound. He knew it was already hard enough on Jisoo to go through this split, so he could only imagine how rough it was for the man before him to pretend he was alright despite so clearly still being completely in love with the woman whose heart he willingly broke to save.

Jiwon cupped his hand on Jamal's shoulder, making the elder look at him with misty eyes from laughing so hard, before he brought him into a tight bear hug. The aftershocks of laughter causing the dancer's strong shoulders to tremble faded into quiet sobs of loneliness. The younger man held him much tighter than before and began gently rocking him hack and forth. "Let it out, hyung," He mumbled softly. "Let it all out." 

Amidst his tears, Jamal hiccuped, "Y-y-you're supposed to tell me not to cry."

Jiwon shrugged, the movement causing Jamal's head to rise and fall, "Nah. That's some macho bullshit old, wrinkly ass men like to spout because some even older, more wrinkly assed men used to repress them by telling them that."

"Smart ass," came the harmless quip in response. Jiwon only chuckled, loosening his grip on the older so he could step back and look at him. Jamal wiped away the  sniffled, "Thank you, Bobby."

"Any time, bro." The two men sprawled across the bed once more, but something caught the younger's eyes. "Hey, hyung?"

"Yeah?"

"You've been clutching your phone hella hard. Did you get some nudes or something?" Despite his attempt to make his friend smile again, Jiwon watched a crestfallen grimace pull across his lips. "Oh."

"She texted me, but I can't open it. I just...it's too hard and there's too many what-if's and I've already hurt so much and I don't wanna be hurt and I'm scared I'll make things worse but I'm damned if i do and damned if I don't and I'm just--"

Jiwon interrupted, "Then don't open it."

"What?"

The younger shifted so he was eye-level with his friend. "Don't open it. Knowing Jisoo," Jamal flenched at the mention of her name, "she isn't expecting an immediate reply. She probably isn't expecting anything for a couple of days or so. She likely had something on her mind that she needed to voice right then and there or else it would've eaten her alive. You know I'm right so don't stress about it. Open it when you're ready." With that, he eased the phone out of the other's tight grip and tossed it to the other side of the room as he stood up. "Now, you need to get some sleep. We've got a concert tomorrow and I'll be damned if your old ass makes me look bad."

Jamal snorted, "Those shitty ass, fake ass dreads you got do that enough as is.  I'm only 25."

"First of all, that's old as shit. Second of all, Taeyang-hyung said they looked cool-"

Jamal tossed back, "You really gonna trust him considering those tattered yarn strands he called dreads were blocking his eyes half the time? I know yaki hair works best for fake locs; but damn, homie really looked like a whole yak."

Jiwon self-consciously reached up to pat his hair, which luckily was no longer twisted together in fake locs; though the sting of the verbal dragging he just endured still hurt. "Well, shit, Jamal. Tell us how you really feel next time."

Smirking, Jamal held open the door, "Gladly. Now get outta my room, dumb ass."

"Last time I ever cuddle you," Jiwon mumbled bitterly under his breath as he left.

Jamal rolled his eyes and retrieved his phone; he stared at the screen for a couple moments then brazenly unlocked it before his mind could further rationalize the decision.

“Are you home?”

Jamal deflated, releasing the breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding. She had forgotten he was on tour now. He didn't know what hurt more: The fact she had forgotten about him or that he couldn't be there with her now. He read the message again, trying to come up with a perfect response that would neither hurt her nor reveal how lonely he also was. But maybe... Maybe he was missing some deeper meaning she had meant for him to glean from it. That had to be it, otherwise this gaping chasm in his soul would only grow wider and wider until it consumed him wholly and drowned out any chances of happiness he might have someday. 

“Are you home?” could easily mean, "When can I see you again?" Or perhaps, “Do you still think of me?" Or maybe even, "Do you miss me as much as I miss you?" Or, if he squinted just right, "You're always on my mind, day and night, hour after hour, minute after minute."

But there was nothing else to it. It was just a straight forward question: "Are you home?"

That was it. That was the message. That was all that was said. No "hi," no "how are you," no "I miss you," no "I hate you," no "why did you do this to me," no "I forgive you," no "I'll never forgive you," no "I'll never give up on you," no "I love you," no "do you still love me because I love you."

It was all too much to bear so he closed his eyes and breathed deeply, drowning out the cracking of his heart to the sharp synths and crisps beats of the track Jiwon had crafted for him. Slowly, he left himself slip away into a restless sleep.  Maybe one day, he’d wake up and his heart would heart less...

—Admin Lily

[taeliciousdaelicious]

Of Binary Codes and Blue Candies || jhs

Genre: Action, fluff (idk to what extent), gang!AU, humor (if you squint hard enough)

Pairing/s: freelance hacker!You and hacker!Hseok

Description: “Oh my gosh, I lost to you and I’m fracking laughing at it.”  —; part of the Lacerta series

Sequence of events: myg, knj, jjk, jhs, ksj, pjm, kth

Word Count: 4,726

Note/s: Mentions of characters from the other installments of the Lacerta series. Also, I don’t know a thing about hacking. I just researched at the last minute and I’m still pretty sure it’s not 100% enough or accurate. Pretty sure Google is watching my IP address, though.

The e-mail that you received had been shady enough. Yet, you attributed your lack of self-preservation to the fact that you were a month behind on rent and your bills were starting to pile up. So, without any question—just like what the said e-mail instructed—you accepted the job. You convinced yourself it would be worth it since the pay would easily amount to three average-level assignments. And above all else, hacking is delicate work. You’d rather have this one than three more of this for the same price. Or so you thought.

Now that you were staring at the computer screen, however, you couldn’t help but focus on the twitching of your left eye. Anxiety was starting to bubble up, slowly climbing up your throat. You forced it down, trying to keep calm and rational. The network you were tasked to infiltrate... It wasn’t simple, to say the least. Whoever owned it must have been a highly-cautious man or woman, seeing as the difficulty of hacking it was on par with a government system or a worldwide organization.  You took in a deep breath before popping a blue gummy candy into your mouth. Briefly, you remembered it being advertised as ‘organic’, prompting you to think about of that one, memorable school lab experiment with gummy bears.

While you chewed, you could feel yourself slowly calming down now that your mouth had something to do. Your friends had called you out, saying you had an oral fixation or something. You had never heard of such a thing before so you didn’t think much of it. That was, until another friend mentioned that she could match you up with someone who “would make full use and thoroughly enjoy” your oral fixation (which you still deny to this day since it sounds like a load of baloney).

Realizing that your mind had wandered off, you shook your head vigorously before focusing your eyes on the screen. Cracking your knuckles, you decided that it was time to suck it up and get to work.

Of-fucking-course, it would be hard to hack into right off the bat. You already wasted two hours of your life trying but to no avail. Whoever this person was that required your services clearly forgot that you needed some information so you could actually do what you needed to do. Pinching the bridge of your nose, you took deep, steadying breaths before deciding to leave an e-mail of inquiry. You weren’t prepared for the reply, though.

“Oh, are you fucking kidding me now? Really? What have I gotten myself into?” you questioned out loud although no one could hear you.  You read the e-mail again, just in case you were reading it wrong. You groaned when you deduced that you weren’t dreaming and that it was, in fact, real. It seemed that you had drawn the short lot in this life. “Lacerta. Whoever the fuck you are, I am skinning you alive if I ever find you.”

Tracing where the e-mail was sent from had been very tempting but judging the person’s character through the concise and curt messages, he or she must be smart enough not to let a hacker track them down. It was just your luck that you were tasked to go against the city’s most notorious gang. You sent another e-mail, asking if you could drop out of whatever this was. However, the response had been immediate. ‘Think about your decision very carefully, Y/N.’

Great, so now you can untangle yourself from this. Biting your lower lip, you popped another gummy candy into your mouth to de-stress. The sweetness brought a sharp pang to your senses and you positioned yourself again for work. You did your best on gathering information about Lacerta, getting in-touch with your contacts in the field for some help to acquire some data to reduce the time spent on this. The faster you finish, the better.

It was late into the night when the first stage of your hacking job was considered well and truly done. You stretched on your seat, yawning widely. Your eyes burned from reading over lines and lines of information flashing on your computer screen for the past couple of hours. Still, you’re not done hustling. It was time to see the chinks of the proverbial armor of Lacerta’s database.

“Client wants me to hack via the Internet or wireless LAN. The git. Making my job harder than it has to be” you muttered under your breath. What you weren’t admitting was that you were mildly relieved by that. At least, you didn’t have to sneak into wherever their base may be and do who knows what that might get you into more trouble or worse.

After setting up all the hacking tools you thought and knew would be applicable for whatever you had in mind, you collapsed on the couch backed up against a wall. “Alright, time to get some shut-eye, Y/N.”

You nursed a mug of coffee as you blearily blinked at the computer. Now that you had found the weakness in their system, you were determined to set your plan in motion. Yawning widely, you placed the mug down before cracking your knuckles.

“Alright, time to work” you muttered to yourself. Soon enough, your fingers were flying through the keys. The incessant clacking was the only thing heard in the otherwise silent room. And by all means, everything that happened afterwards wasn’t what you expected.

For starters, it seemed suspiciously easy to break into their system. It only took a few rifling and sorting through the data flashing through the screens in your room to find the file you were supposed to extract. Quickly, still apprehensive, you transferred it into your hard drive (your just in case Plan B if stuff happened to you) before completely erasing it from Lacerta’s system. Then, for a wild second, you paused, long enough to attract attention from whoever was keeping their database secure. And yet, no attacks were being launched your way. Either the person on the other side was a really lax one or incompetent. Still, you weren’t about to stay just to get caught. With a bark of disbelieving laughter, you left your signature before doing a scan of your own system, double-checking that you were as clean as could be.

Don’t freak out too much. I’m pretty sure no one would miss someone’s cheating footage, right? — Gray Hat

In retrospect, it was kind of stupid to think that it was the last of it. However, you were sorely wrong, as proven to you three days after that job. You had just paid your rent after your shift down the local restobar when your phone buzzed in your pocket. Closing your front door, you kicked off your shoes as you fished it out. The message flashing on the screen made you stop in your tracks.

From: Unknown Number So, Gray Hat. Let me guess, the dude in the video asked you to remove it, yes? (Received 10:13 P.M.)

It was from an unknown number. You didn’t know how that person got hold of you but it felt like a bucket of ice was doused over you at the implications. Your mind was already jumping to conclusions, thinking you were about to suffer repercussions from the job you took. You bitterly cursed your last client in the confines of your mind before the sudden continuous ping of your phone made you jump in shock.

From: Unknown Number

Either ways, that’s not the point. The point is this

How the fuck did you manage to hack into the database without setting off the alarms I placed

Like

Dude/Dudette (Received 10:14 P.M.)

It only wailed like a siren after detecting the file you deleted without admin permission

Also, is ‘Gray Hat’ a codename or something

Or that’s just you identifying yourself as a literal gray hat

Please answer me

I hope that didn’t sound too demanding (Received 10:15 P.M.)

You decide to address each of his queries one by one.

To: Unknown Number

Gray hat as in the hacker term gray hat

It’s dudette

Also, that’s a secret I’m not sure I am willing to tell

What’s in it for me? (Sent 10:16 P.M.)

From: Unknown Number

Thank god you’re smart

Also thanks for answering

I’m a dude btw just getting it out there

I thought I had to track you down for a one-on-one

So listen (Received 10:17 P.M.)

I have a proposal, gray hat dudette (Received 10:18 P.M.)

You couldn’t help but snort in derision at his words. A proposal? Who in their right mind would agree to an anonymous person’s proposal? The mystery client from the last had taught you enough lesson. You wouldn’t fall for this kind of thing again. Yet, you couldn’t help but read the rest of his texts when you received them.

From: Unknown Number

Would you be willing to

Like hmmmmmm

Meet up??? ?? ? (Received 10:19 P.M.)

Because

I might or might not want to offer you a job (Received 10:20 P.M.)

Staring at your screen for a full minute, it still took you some time before you could formulate a coherent answer. Your hands trembled faintly even as you typed it out.

From: Unknown Number

I don’t know what kind of game you’re trying to play, pal

But seriously (Sent 10:24 P.M.)

Please do stop trolling me 

Delete my number

Don’t even attempt tracking me down (Sent 10:25 P.M.)

I will report you to the police (Sent 10:26 P.M.)

From: Unknown Number

Phew

Thought you blocked me

Although

That’s a funny thought (Received 10:27 P.M.)

What are you gonna tell the police

“The person I hacked is contacting me please stop him”

I don’t think you’ll get out of that complaint unscathed, dudette (Received 10:28 P.M.)

“This fucking git” you vehemently hissed. You were typing furiously when he suddenly flooded your phone again with messages.

From: Unknown Number

Okay you know what

How about this (Received 10:28 P.M.)

Let’s meet and talk in the police station

Just say at the front desk that you’re there to meet Blue

Does that make it better for you? (Received 10:29 P.M.)

If anything, it made you more apprehensive. You exited the messaging app just to check your e-mail for the details. Your client made it clear that it was Lacerta you were hacking three days prior. So, if this male was really a part of Lacerta, what possessed him to suggest meeting in a police station?

You decided to ignore his messages. Chucking your phone on your couch, you went through the motions of preparing yourself some dinner—the usual fare of microwavable food—before settling down to eat it and watch some movies. Soon enough, you forgot the anonymous person who was bothering you earlier as you got immersed in the show you were watching. However, a soft ‘ping’ sounded from your laptop. You put the bowl on the coffee table and checked your e-mail notification. What you found made your heart pound a little harder against your ribcage.

From: blue@lacerta.org

To: thegrayhatter@mail.com

Cute mail address. Also, a friendly reminder that I know how and where to find you. :) (Received 11:54 P.M.)

Fucking hell.

So it went without further ado that you would meet him at the police station, as crazy as it sounded. Heck, even you felt like you were losing your mind at the very thought of a possible member of a wanted gang in a building housing the very people who are out to get them. You unlocked your phone and dug the messages from last night, prompted by the stranger’s unwelcome e-mail.

To: Blue

For fuck’s sake

Alright fine, you git

We already established what you wanted

What’s in it for me

And how do I really know that I am not being conned or anything into this

Be honest or I swear I will start hacking with a malevolent intent for the first time in my life (Sent 11:55 P.M.)

From: Blue

Wow

You type fast, woman

Also

We’ll be paying to pay you whatever amount you are willing to work for (Received 11:56 P.M.)

But within reason!

We don’t shit gold nuggets okay

Also a heads up

You might or might not end up working with me 

As for reassurance that you won’t be hacked to pieces (Received 11:57 P.M.)

There will be a police officer waiting outside of the station

He’ll be sporting an outrageous hair color

Like

Neon yellow (Received 11:58 P.M.)

Tell him that you’re there to meet Blue

He’ll take you inside

If he doesn’t he has a gun in a holster strapped to his hip okay

If all else fails, pepper spray is the way

So see you tomorrow, Hatter (Received 11:59 P.M.)

You reviewed the messages again before looking straight ahead. The light changed and you crossed the road, feeling your nerves spike up gradually. The police station was a few blocks away and your steps grew considerably slower, displaying your reluctance. Still, at least it seemed that Blue was telling the truth or maybe it was coincidence. A person in a police uniform was standing right outside the doors leading to the station. He wore a formidable scowl... which was a contrast to his neon yellow hair. People stared as they passed by, to which the man only scowled further.

You were worried his face will disappear and cave into itself when he scowled even more when you approached him. Feeling a little silly, you hesitated. However, you remembered the messages you exchanged with Blue. Steeling yourself, you opened your mouth and boldly said, “I’m here to see Blue.”

His face slackened for a moment. You worried you got the wrong person when he suddenly blurted out, “No way, it was a girl who hacked into Lacerta?”

That instantly made you bristle in anger and frustration. It seemed that there was still some prejudice against women. Also, his choice of words and his tone felt a little too depreciating and condescending than you liked. Squaring your shoulders, you raised your chin haughtily as you hotly retorted, “Is there a problem, sir? Maybe you’d like me to dig deep and accidentally unearth your secrets just to prove my skills? But then again, I don’t have to prove myself to narrow-minded moose like you.”

“Narrow-minded—? What the fu—”

“Officer? I was under the impression that you were here to escort her inside, not insult her with your deep-rooted sexism due to societal stereotypes. Hatter, good to see you, by the way. I thought you wouldn’t come until I saw you pass through one of the CCTV cameras lining the path.”

You blinked blankly at the man that suddenly appeared, the door beside the police officer held open as he looked at you expectantly. The first thing you noticed was how excessively blue his outfit was. Still, it looked good on him. Pastel blue button-up and dark blue slacks. Then, you realized he called you ‘Hatter’, the moniker Blue from last night called you.

“Blue?” you tentatively called him. You were rewarded by a blinding smile. You fought the urge to hold a hand in front of your face to block your eyes from the brilliance. He jerked his head, wordlessly inviting you inside. Sneaking a glance at the officer still scowling at the two of you, you squeezed yourself into the narrow opening. You tried not to brush against him as you took in the interior.

“We’re going to talk in the conference room. Hey, Detective! Tell Namjoon not to bust a nut just yet. Hatter just arrived” he called out to one of the people milling around in the station, a woman giving him something between a stink eye and a look of amusement. Her gaze casually slid towards yours, her lips quirking to a smile.

“A word of advice: you really don’t have a say in the matter. Just skin him alive with the benefits you’d like to receive” she told you. The two of you watched her walk away while tapping on her phone.

“Right, let’s get inside” he said to break the silence that settled awkwardly. “This way, Hatter.”

He ushered you inside the conference room and closed the door, isolating you from everyone else. You noted, with a wave of relief, that the blinds weren’t closed and the door wasn’t locked. It meant that if anything went wrong, someone from outside would see and you could make a quick escape. Your attention was caught when Blue cleared his throat.

“First off, you can call me Hoseok or Hobi. I don’t care about the honorifics or what unless there are other members around us” he started without preamble. “Also, if you want, I can keep calling you Hatter or you can share your name to me. Your choice, really.”

You snorted at that, unable to help yourself when you replied, “I’m pretty sure you did a background check on me already, Hoseok.”

Hoseok raised an eyebrow before smirking in amusement. “I see that you’re blunt and fast to pick up on things. Great. So, I’m offering you a job in Lacerta because a.) we’re kind of in the middle of a... thing right now and with the way you hacked into our system, your skills impressed me—impressed us—and unanimously made the decision of contacting you to hire you for that. Also, because we need someone else to help us in that thing that I mentioned.”

“Translation: I’m useful and it would make more sense to hire me than kill me. Next” you nonchalantly said. Hoseok shot you a look for interrupting him but nevertheless continued.

“Anyways, b.) I’m asking you to please say yes because Namjoon will throw me into a river full of alligators if your decision is otherwise. Look, I was sleep-deprived during that time and he was furious that I let such a slip-up happen. Please, save my ass. Like what Miss Detective said earlier, you can skin me alive with the benefits that you’d like to receive.”

You gave his pleading look a hard stare before deeply sighing. “Alligators only eat dead things” you mumbled.

“Is that seriously the only thing you caught from my rant?” he asked you, narrowing his eyes a little. You rolled your eyes and leaned on the table, pinning him down with your eyes.

“What does this... job entail?” you asked almost hesitantly, afraid that it might ask more than what you could possibly and are willing to give.

Immediately, he answered, “It just a behind-the-scenes thing. You’ll do what you do best: hacking. You won’t get to be sent on the field. Don’t worry about that. However, you might have to talk to Lacerta members at times.”

You frowned at how vague his description was. Unsatisfied, you crossed your arms and prodded further, “Don’t be so stingy with details. What else am I supposed to know.”

“All other things are classified unless you agree to work with us.” He paused for a moment before saying, “But all I’m going to tell you right now is that we need you because we have a conflict with Cepheus right now.”

He simply took in the disbelieving expression on your face. Cepheus? As in the rumored rival gang of Lacerta? Maybe you were in deeper shit than you thought. Still, you were still thinking of the money and benefits. You weren’t about to shoot his proposal down just because of a little danger. After all, what is life without some thrill?

“Based on what you saw of my skills, how much are you willing to pay me to work for you guys?” When he rattled off the amount, your eyes went as wide as saucers before blurting out, “Holy fuck, sign me up. Just please, can I have a bodyguard to accompany me at all times? Also, keep my family out of this.”

“What happened to skinning me alive for benefits?” he joked.

“I will, just much later when I can think more properly. Also, there’s no contract on paper yet. We’ll need that if you’re going to hire me. I refuse to go by words.”

He nodded in assent. “Alright. Also, there’s a spare room in our main house if you feel like your current place is less secure.”

You merely raised an eyebrow at his words before standing up. “I think we’re done here. I have to go now. My shift at work starts in less than two hours.”

He hummed before saying, “I’ll send you a draft of the contract later via e-mail. Also, we might need to meet again to clearly outline what you can do, will do and are to do while you work for Lacerta.”

Just before you could say that you understood him, a figure right outside the room caught your attention. Without warning, Hoseok yelled loud enough to be heard outside, “I sealed the deal, okay! Stop hounding me, Namjoon! That was just once! Never again!”

You jumped at the sheer volume of his voice, clapping your hands to your ears to muffle the sound. When he was done, you shot him an aggravated look before dryly commenting, “A heads up would have been nice.”

He huffed and muttered, “Sorry but that asshole needed to learn how to stop watching and hovering over everyone like a hawk. That’s Namjoon, the gang leader.”

“Oh” you supplied, more shocked by his usage of the word ‘gang’ than the actual information itself. He simply smiled, as if he found something funny before shaking his head in amusement.

“Alright, I won’t keep you for longer than necessary. See you next time, Hatter. And you’ll have to tell me how you hacked into our system by then” he said. You smirked wryly at the reminder as you moved to the door.

As you opened it, you paused and turned towards him. “Y/N in private, Hatter in public. I’d like to keep my anonymity. Also, I want a Jacuzzi in my bathroom."

“How do you know your room has a bathroom?”

“The twitch of your nose tells me my guess was right. See you, Hoseok.”

He spluttered. “Are you seriously asking me to basically do a renovation—”

“I am technically saving your ass” you said in a singsong voice. “Told you I’m not done skinning you alive for benefits.”

And then you shut the door behind you, leaving a Hoseok who was halfway between amused and exasperated at how things were turning out.

Your bowl of blue gummy candies was depressingly empty and you sulked like a kid as you stared at it. Settling into Lacerta’s main house was a little harder than you thought. what with everyone freely carrying their weapons around the house. It was safe to say you were terrified to your wit’s end during the first three days. It was more than a week now since you first arrived and had finally felt a little more comfortable. Still, the realization that you just willingly got yourself into this mess boggled you to this day. Munching on your candies had been your way of de-stressing even when the job assigned to you was simply just monitoring and storing the devices and the system Lacerta was tracking. However, you didn’t realize that your favorite food was gone until your fingertips hit the bottom of the bowl.

This was how Hoseok found you inside the computer room, scowling and pressing the keys of the keyboard harder than what was necessary. He took a moment to glance around the room before settling on the bowl on the desk.

“Blue gummy candies, correct? The one that tastes like mixed berries?” he asked. It made you stop whatever you were doing instantly and abruptly turn to face him.

You looked at him in confusion, not noticing he interrupted your work as you asked, “How did you know?”

“I eat the same stuff, too. I keep my stash hidden because the others like to dip in and empty my bowl out” he casually remarked. He unlocked a cabinet underneath his desk with a key, brandishing a larger bowl, filled to the brim with the same gummy candies you adored and loved. You watched with large eyes, uncaring when Hoseok laughed. “Go on. We can share this.”

You settled into a harmonious silence then. You monitored and saved data. Hoseok sorted through them and read through the ones that seemed important. He wrote down some notes on a pad of sticky paper and would often stick them on the corkboard on his side of the room. After some time, someone slipped into the room.

“Hey Hoseok hyung, have you figured— Oh, candy!”

Before he could get a single piece, you have swiped the bowl away. The young man looked at you with a shocked expression as you hugged the food tightly to your chest. You frowned at him while Hoseok struggled to breathe from laughing hard.

“Jungkook, don’t bother. Hatter is having sugar withdrawals and she won’t be sharing any time soon” he told him. Jungkook merely pouted before moving away from you, peering at Hoseok’s notes instead.

“Hmm, look’s like we’re on to something” Jungkook commented. “I can see a pattern but I can’t connect point A to point B.”

“I thought I was the only one thinking that” Hoseok said, relief coloring his voice. While eating the candies, you watched the two of them as they conversed and made guesses on what could Cepheus’ next move possibly be. You took the time to study your (un)official work partner from head to toe. At first glance, it was easy to deduce that he was attractive. However, you also noticed how lithe he was and how graceful the lines of his body were. When he moved, his body was fluid and light. You also didn’t miss the muscles that shifted under his clothes, evidence that he didn’t spend his days simply sitting in front of computer screens.

“Y/N? Am I your latest science experiment? I’m not used to the probing look.” Hoseok’s voice snapped you out of your reverie. Your eyes darted around, only to see that Jungkook already left. Upon seeing his amused smirk, you flushed and turned away, mumbling a ‘sorry, lost in thought’. You pointedly looked at your own screen with determination and continued working with vigor. You heard him chuckle and hoped that he wouldn’t mention anything about your stare from earlier.

“How are you settling into Lacerta so far?” he asked casually. You briefly stole a glance, only to see he was still looking at you. The smile was still there and it made you flush even more in embarrassment.

“Good, I guess.”

“Really? I just noticed that you eat a lot of your gummy candies when you feel stressed” he pointed out his observation. It made you flinch lightly, realizing you weren’t being as discreet or careful as you thought you were. “If it helps, you can talk to me. Rant or something. Just give me a heads up if you’re about to cry.”

You laughed at his words before lightly saying, “Nah, don’t worry too much. That was just me working both my mouth and mind at the same time.”

He raised an eyebrow at that. “So you mean to say, you’re overthinking and stress-eating because of that?”

When you gave him a sheepish look, he chuckled before telling you, “Don’t worry too much. Happens to the best of us. I’m not about to hound you for more details if you don’t want me to pry.”

“Thanks” you said with sincere gratitude. He merely replied with a smile, matching yours before giving you a salute. And then the two of you returned to your work.

“You look good in blue, by the way” you offhandedly complimented him but you didn’t miss the grin he was shooting you from your peripheral view.

“I think I’d have to whip out my signature blue slacks then. I just discovered when and where Cepheus planned to meet some of their ‘investors’.” He shot out of his seat and was at the door in a blink of an eye, hollering down the hallway.

“Namjoon hyung! We struck gold! It’s time to get Seokjin’s pretty face out there.”

[thegastricadventure]

Packing!

I’m a bit anal retentive. I am very guilty of making lists upon lists upon lists and packing between 2-4 times just to ensure I have everything. It will get progressively worse as time creeps closer to my dead line or appointment. I am honestly this way about almost everything I do though.

So onto the packing section of this blog. I figure I am skipping around and missing things, but I started this a week out from my surgery so you are going to go down the hysteria bouts I go through and my thought process. This evening was the start  of packing my bag.

About a week ago when I found out my insurance had approved me, so my worry level sky rocketed! I started making lists and going to various sites and looking up packing lists. I began to compare them to each other and my own changing, tweaking and removing things and adding things as needed. I needed to remember I am going to the hospital not a spa vacation. I didn’t need to bring four outfits, even more so if I was only staying  one night and two days.

Was I going to bring my laptop? Could I just get away with my tablet? Do I bring a book or my switch? Do I bring work with me? Should I bring straws? Do I need this? Do I need that?

It is/was stressful! So I decided to approach this as if I’m going to a shoot of mine that has me on the ground for 26 hours. That made it a lot simpler. You bring what you are wearing the day of, something for night time and something clean and sanitary for the next day if needed.

The next thing was a bag. I didn’t need my carry on. That seemed a bit excessive. I didn’t want to bring a purse, but I guess I would if needed to. So as I have said in previous posts I am involved in Girl Scouts. This last year my daughter and myself both were part of the S’mores Club (it is an award for selling cookies and fall stuff every year). Last year’s reward was a hoodie and an overnight bag. It was the perfect size!! So I have the vessel picked and now onto clothing.

When you are going to the hospital you have to make sure everything you take with you is washed, sanitized and if you are me, put into a bag to keep germs from touching and such because I am having surgery and I am not getting an infection!! --- Okay maybe I wouldn’t go that far but I did clean my clothes and put them straight into the bag after making sure I had everything together.

So what clothing did I pack? Well it took a while, but I think I whittled it down to the base of what I feel I need.

2 Socks

1 Non-slip Socks

2 Pants/Shorts

2 Shirts

3 Underwear

1 Long Sleeve Shirt

Extra Mask

Winter Hat

Now, lets into why I ended on this list. I live in the Rockies. Well I actually live in the plains that lead to the Rockies. My surgery is taking place in the Foothills (the start of the mountains). So I had to adjust some of my list as we got 14″ of snow a few days ago. So I decided the hat and the long sleeve shirt were a must. The last thing I needed was to get sick right after getting my stomach cut on.

Non-slip socks I think speak for themselves. If I could get away with being barefoot in the hospital I totally would! However, they kind of frown on that, I learned all about that when I got my tonsils taken out and had to stay the night because of oxygen levels. The other socks are for the same reason as the long sleeve shirt, being cold blows.

I am taking one pair of pants and a pair of shorts. While I know I am not going to be with it, I do know I sleep hot. If my knee reconstruction surgery taught me anything it was I could not cool down at night. So shorts were a must and so was the pants for when I went home.

Shirts and underwear, you need to keep the stomach area clean and change things that absorb sweat and oils. Like I have stressed before you don’t need an infection at any time, let alone right after you had surgery.

So that rounded out what I packed for clothes.

Toiletries was probably the hardest for me. I have a lot of things I do everyday for my skin care and I realized I probably won’t be able to do everything. So I went back and forth over everything I wanted to bring and what I wanted to do the longest, seconded only by electronics! What can I say I love me some gadgets, but we will get to this soon!

It took a few days, but I finally got down to what I thought was the base needs for me. You don’t have to follow this if you don’t need all of it but it is what I felt I needed.

Tooth Brush

Mouth Wash

Water Pik

Tongue Scraper

Deodorant

Face Wipes

Moisturizer

Lotion

Lip Balm

Shampoo (From Hospital)

Brush

Hair Ties

Wipes

Hand Sanitizer

Body Spray

Tweezers

Nail Clippers

Whew, that seems like a lot, even writing it down a second time!

Most of this seems pretty basic right? Tooth care, brushes, shampoo and hand sanitizer. Now lets go through and look at the stuff that people will question, at least I did when I was packing it and writing things down

Face wipes, Moisturizer, Lotion and Lip Balm. These four things seem the oddest to me since I am going into a hospital but let me explain it. First, I have oily skin. I rarely break out but when I do it is under high stress environments and this is pretty stressful. Since I can’t bring my whole skincare routine I figured getting the oil off and putting on my sleep mask/moisturizer would at least be a good second. I use these on planes so why wouldn’t it work here? The Lotion and Lip Balm have two reasons and both are pretty much related. I live in the High Plains Desert, yay grasslands am I right? It’s also winter so the lack of moisture leaves your hands on the drier side sometimes, same with your lips. So instead of dealing with chapped lips or cracking finger nail beds this seems like a must have anyway. The other reason is at a hospital the air is even drier and it is very sterile. You may need it, so have it ready.

Body Spray, Wipes, Tweezers and Nail Clippers, Well, I want to smell good and if I am super sweaty I may not have the ability to take a shower so I am at least able to wipe myself down a little bit to make myself at least feel less sticky and gross. The tweezers and nail clippers are just because you never know when you could get a hang nail or need to pluck something! 

I put all of these things in their own little packing bag. My daughter bought me one earlier this year for my purse (since I have almost all of these things carried in my purse at any given time) that gives a tie-dyed feel and says “Good Vibes” I figured she’d appreciate knowing that was the one I chose to bring.

We now move onto electronics. Oh be still my heart, this was enough to pull my hair out. What all do I bring?! So I made my choices and I am going to stick with them by golly!!

Tablet

Phone

Switch

Wireless Earbuds

Wired Earbuds (back ups for above)

Power Bank

Various Cords

Ext. Cord with extra outlets (and USB slots)

I’m not going to get too far into this, only because I know that everyone has their own needs, wants and desires. These are mine. I decided that I didn’t need my laptop for a night, but I also am aware that I could be stuck there for 2-4 extra days depending on things. I can live with all of this as my fix to stave off the tedium. I do however suggest if you bring wireless headphones you bring wired backups. I say this even if every day stuff, you never know when/if a battery will die, if you phone or whatever will refuse to connect. Save yourself the headache, bring a back up! The other thing, stores sell these little 3′ extension cords that had three outlets and 2 usb slots. Put it in your carry on or throw it in your school backpack. It helps so  much, plus you could be someone's hero having an extra outlet for them to use.

Oh! Much like my toiletries have their own bag, all my cords have their own too. Plus little twist ties/rubber bands to keep everything together. It helps to keep things organized!!

The other things I bring don’t really fit in any of the other categories above. So let me list those as well. I have explanations for some of them but the rest are a just because reason.

Book

Mints

Oil Rollers

Lavender Oil

Tea Bags

Water Bottle

Straws

Hot Water Bottle

Throw

Pillow

Glasses

The book is there because I get really tired of staring at a screen sometimes. It is nice to have a change every now and again. Mints, well I know I can’t have them right away but I take them with me all the time. I can offer them to people if I have to. I feel weird not packing gum but at least these are enough to offset that. Oil Rollers and Lavender Oil, the oil rollers I have go on your wrist or neck. I have brought two, both are made to help relax you. The lavender oil is for the same thing, but I will probably put that on my pillow or throw to help keep me calm and such. I do have a special bag for the oils and such to go into, so they are easy to find for myself or anyone else.

The later bit of this list is a smidge easier to explain. The water bottle is because prior to the surgery I drink about 120 oz of water a day. I always have a water bottle near me, sometime I have 2-3 near me. I love my water bottle and this works for me to remember to keep sipping on water. Nothing is worse than getting dehydrated. The straws are there because I was told to bring some. It will help when you go on liquids the second day, or at least that it what my dietician said. She was also acutely aware that the nurses hate giving them to people. So why not bring my own? The tea is all peppermint tea, it is one of the few things you are allowed to drink after surgery, plus it can help with an upset stomach if you need it! I do also have a bag for the tea and the straws so I can keep them together! It makes my life easier this way.

The hot water bottle, throw and pillow are all for my comfort. I have to cover my stomach when coughing and I want to have something that is mine with me. The hot water bottle can help after moving around and when riding home in the car. I read a few other blogs that suggested it and it made sense! So that is what I am gonna do.

Glasses are well, just glasses. I don’t need them to read or to wear, I just wear them when I am working on electronics. I don’t like getting headaches and it does help to prevent that!

The must haves list is what I am required to bring with me to the hospital. It is pretty short and to the point really.

Three ring binder (with all the information & books in it)

Medication List

Spirometer

My medication list is always in my binder so that works for me, however you may not be as anal as I am and keep everything written in one place. I do suggest you do it, it makes keeping paperwork together easy!

The final list is what are you wearing to the hospital. Mine is short, sweet and to the point.

Pants

Socks

Undies

Bra

Shirt

Sneakers

Mask

Wallet

Jacket

Hat

Sun Glasses

Watch

My jacket has zipper pockets I can put my watch, glasses, mask and wallet into, I have another pocket I can put my hat into as well. It makes it simple and easy. Plus I won’t have to bring a purse with me! One last thing to keep track of

The final thing I would suggest if you are coming to/staying at the hospital alone (which is my case since COVID hit) is bring a simple luggage lock for your bag. It won’t stop anyone from possibly walking off with your bag, but it could stop them from going through it and taking anything. Password or finger print protect all your electronics if you can. Other than that have a safe day and quick recovery!

[shaddy-bee]

I KNOW ITS BEEN LIKE 300 YEARS BUT-

5 things you’ll find in my bag

Right now theres uhh Notebooks, both school and 1 art. Drink mix ins, with such great flavors as sour apple jolly rancher and crush pineapple (tm) Two packs of cards, one of which steam punk themed and the other your regular ol bicycle. A calculator. Its a shitty old one but its for tests, i have google and shit for anything i need myself.

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom

A roommate. Idk if he is gay or what but he isnt straight, name’s will. Chill dude. Sleepin rn, what a fella MY SICK ASS COMPUTER IM MISSING OUT ON BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE IS ASLEEP AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANNA PLAY ROCKET LEAGUE WITHOUT LAGGING TO HELL also programming my mods. Need to upload that shit. Shit what number we on, 3? Okay cool. A bed. Wow really a bed in your bedrooM? yeah its pretty fuckin spectacular i know. I dont have posters n shit so like i gotta be creative you feel. A microfridge. Now i know what youre thinking, “ah a small fridge whats the big deal?” but no you dont understand, its a microwave fucking bolted onto the top of a fridge. They gave zero fucks attaching these two together and apparently the name is the same way, WHY NOT A FRIDGEWAVE EVEN LIKE MICROFRIDGE JUST SOUNDS LIKE A SMALL FRI- Last but not least, im tempted to just say my wallet here tbh, cuz its old but like, youd EXPECT that now would you? Something boring and mundane for me to fill out the word count with making everything super exciting so nah man, fuck it. Theres air in my bedroom. Fight me.

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in my life

Make a videogame. Like okay, a lot of stuff on this list is jokes and stuff, and I know im going into too much detail and my followers will probably murder me in cold blood for this shit, but im serious about this one like - i have some ideas, but i never have the motivation alone to like work whole-heartedly and finish one but like, at some point in the future id love to sit down and just go at it and make a game. Doesnt matter if its popular or big or small just i wanna make something that i love ya feel? I wanna like, go to newark, delaware. I know, its delaware and all, no one lives there, but ive met a bunch of cool people there and i was promised a donut run sometime, so lookin forward to that. Yknow that post awhile back that was like “i dont wanna be rich and like buy shit, i just wanna have enough money to throw at kickstarters whenever i want without having to strain on my food and rent costs” thats me. 100% Like i wanna have just enough money to be able to donate to cool people and watch them do cool shit - it wont always work out but thats fine, I just love shit. I wanna be able to donate like the high prize and fly out to meet these game studios for coffee and shit and just talk with em and see their passion and ideas. I love it. Im not actually really sure besides those. Like idk. I think itd be cool to enter a game tournament with my brother and win, but i doubt thatll happen and its not super like on my desires just itd be cool cuz we named ourselves Sora and Shiro after NGNL and to see that like, have us win would be great. Yeah. Ill make my fifth to think of a fifth one.

5 things on my to do list

FLOPPY DICKS i mean disks. Floppy disks. I do binding of isaac ab+ modding shit, and im currently working (its mostly done for what i want it to do) which adds a new consumable called floppy disks, effects are based on viruses, bugs, and just computer based shit. Like BSOD for instance, which makes the screen literately bluescreen. Or atleast look like it. Cant wait to watch people play with it. I gotta work on the programming class project too but honestly i dont waannnaaa. Like its cool as shit. Recreate a card game using c++ code. But man, i just love Apocrypha and Floppies so much more. Eat today???? Please. Dining hall opens in 3 hours. Its goddamn 4 am. I want my food. Dunno if ill get it - if ill stay awake till then. But i want it. Probably draw some stuff? Like i posted one drawing already (check it out if u wanna ;) kay?) but like theres wacom tablets here i can just kinda use whenever???? its great. I love being able to just draw stuff on em. Even if i suck at drawing, even if it took 10 hours to make the one i posted here, still love. Probably play more rocket league. Sleep first, soon as i get that food im CRASHIN BOI IM OUTTIE HA but uhh, rocket league has a halloween thing rn and i like playing it. Was playing earlier today and i matchd with a dude in 2v2 that had the same car, skin, AND colors set up as mine. Totaly random. We kicked some major ass together. I kept thinking of the same hat comic the entire time. (also my card was superior because it had furry ears on it ;))

5 things that make me happy

Getting an idea for a thing and working at said thing until like boom it went from this abstract idea to now it has a physical form and it works! And its fun and its great and i can share it with other people and they can have fun too!!!! that feeling is wonderful.  Obviously friends man. Just doing shit with people can be so great sometimes - like not all the time sure but like man. Its nice to talk to people and share experiences and just smile and tell bad jokes and have them groan but like it anyway like thats the shit. Going out at 2 am and walking to a nearby run down schoolyard and swinging on the swingsets and watching shooting stars burn up. Thats the good shit. Getting tents and setting em up in your friends back yard when your friend from far away comes up for a few days, and playing ridiculous games in a group like kick the can or fuckin zombie screaming your lungs out in the dark to freak em out, or just talkin around a fire about fuckin life man. The people make life great. Shits worth living for. I realize that last answer covered a LOT of shit but like, im just gonna add here videogames. Would be amiss if i didnt mention that, considering the rocket league rant above lmao. Yeah i better not make this category any longer.

5 things I’m (currently) into

Isaac modding, probably will be for awhile. Its good shit. As a suggestion from one of the people I work with (we also fuck around its a good time) i have started watching space dandy. Its a slow progress through lol like an episode or two a day but god man like its pretty ridiculous and the main character is pretty much everything i was expecting from seeing him everywhere. Rocket league again. It comes and goes with various different games to tide me over, give me a break from working. Bout 2 months ago or so said relaxing time was dominated by anime - i suddenly went on like a massive streak of watching shit. By that i mean, i watched all of hunter x hunter in like 2 weeks, among other shows prior to it. But yeah. Fuck man HXH I LOVED THE KING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I have too many emotions about that. I wrote a rant to the Groupchat (tm) about the fucking battle and how everything is in slow motion but it fucking like makes it like foreshadowed and have so much of an impact and still so much fucking happens even while everything runs at super slow mo just GOD KLASFJBHUGHASFIUHIPJASK anyway. Yeah. Music, as always im listening to like constantly. Wireless headphones are a wonder for this, but uhh....i cant say im especially into any specific thing rn right? Like a bit ago i was super into joywave and then that faded out and now im just listening to whatever random shit, yknow? But I am into music in general. Its good. Art! A lot of times i dont do shit like for drawing right, like especially not in like pencil in notebooks but like, i sorta started doing a lot more art stuff? Like i had a period awhile back last year where i stopped using pencils and used only pens and i just loved the aesthetic of the ink like how it looked (funny how im doing the opposite of the fucking inktober though, huh?) but yeah im back into using pencils to draw shit occasionally. Im still terrible at drawing people (which is what i see mostly everyone drawing on tumblr lmao RIP) but its fun to sketch stuff out and just let my thoughts run and bounce to some music and shit right? Also the tablets. Especially with the tablets.

5 things people may not know about me (at least on tumblr)

I basically constantly wear sweatshirts, and they all have like earbuds where the strings go. All the earbud shits are broken pretty much, like occasionally they work (the one i have rn does) but like, i dont ever really use them? i have wireless headphones for my phone and a headset (because i need the mic for my computer) for said computer so like, idk. But yeah. I rarely take em off when im not home, and sometimes even when i am i just kinda keep em anyway? (also just now i realized i talked in the section for room shit about all the stuff in my current dorm, my room at home has all KINDS of wierd fucking shit in it. Really missed an opportunity there.) Like many people i like to stay hydrated and shit, but drinking water all the time seemed like a chore more than anything so i got like drink mix ins and shit, mio’s or whatever offbrand version you can find at your local SUPERSTORE CONGLOMERATE. I drink em like all the time pretty much so atleast im health in one way :P. Also gummy vitamins. I dont excercise but you can only ask for so much. Idk, its hard to think of things for this section because tumblr knows so little about me yknow? Like i never make my own posts or shit like its SUPER rare so im pretty much just tryna find random facts but that might not be interesting? Like i have a bad habbit of like talking way too loud when im excited about something right? Not quite yelling but like getting there and like idk. See? Thats not super interesting but it is something no one online would be able to really know ya feel? Idk. I mean physically im kinda fat as you do, but im also like wierdly strong? Like for someone who never works out i sure do have arm strength if nothing else lmao. My endurance is shit tho. Honestly? I can only blame it on osu and groceries. Osu is just a game i like where you mash buttons to the beat of weaboo shit tier music. The groceries is just because like, well, my policy is Least Trips Possible which means carrying in 13 bags at a time if need be it, fuck it milk too? And a watermellon? Bring it. 

Who am I tagging? Idk man. Just for shits and stuff tho i do wanna tag @theoriginalyami just to see what all’s changed in teh long time since i actually went to fill it out :P Dont feel like you have to add as much as me tho omg @milkchocolateowl because honestly? love you. Think about you a lot, just like glad im mutuals with that ray of sunshine. Good. @fantaledfish <3 (this is the friend i mentioned earlier, runs a QUALITY blog i guarantee it, better than mine for sure) @dragonfucker-supreme always top in my notes, a silent bond, like two guards assigned to watch back to back in the early dawn. Birds gather round. I can only tag so many people (i set myself a limit of 5 because...idk why i just mentally it felt right) so for my last trick gotta go with @ask-oncies-jizz like cmon man name changes for the win, also has quality icons and quality shitposts tbh, supreme top meme. Have fun yall.

[dividetourstart2finish-blog]

SHOW TWO. PALA ALPITPUR TURIN, ITALY MARCH 17TH, 2017. NIGHT TWO

Castle On The Hill Eraser Dive Don't/New Man Starting off with castle again. I have a feeling thinks going to continue for awhile, and also the hoax shirt thing lol. I love when the guitar part kicks in. I really love this song live. I think this crowd is gonna be awesome even through they just messed up the words haha. They still sound incredible. I love the beat in eraser and I'm still enjoying ed moving around. Just casually tuning the guitar while recording backup vocals lol. Just brilliant. Dive is probably my next favorite song after happier. He did not perform this during night one. I'm in love with crowd. Their and eds voices together are just beautiful. Dive is one of only a few songs ed doesn't bvs or building for. Don't/New Man is becoming one of my favorite mashups. Eddy please be careful jumping around lol. I don't know why he's singing the lyrics "2 shows" instead of "2 planes" but I'm not a fan of the change. I also don't know why but ed always gets this bad boy attitude when he sings new man and I love it. He's more rapping than singing with a flow on the second verse. The A Team I'm A Mess Happier Galway Girl The a team is another song that ed doesn't do a lot, if any, building for. It's such a beautiful, simple song with a huge impact lyric wise. Oh I'm a mess always makes me a huge mess lol. I like the old video on the screens better. The bursting colors look better than these falling clouds of color. I will always love the building/bvs for I'm a mess. The crowd sounds great but it's gotta be hard for ed to sing in one key when the crowd is singing in a key higher. But I like how they are singing to him and not just with him. Happier my heart ahh, I love this song. I don't however love this video for this song. It kinda makes me motion sick lol. I don't how he does it but this song breaks my heart and makes me smile all at the sametime. Yay Galway girl. I could watch him play this song for hours. Ripping out that ear piece haha better be careful ed. His little dance moves are the best haha. Oh goodness he's already singing beat for her feet haha. He gets so into that he doesn't really pay attention to what he says but I love when he gets lost in a song. Nancy Mulligan Supermarket Flowers Human/I See Fire Photograph Here's another song he didn't perform last night. This is nancy Mulligan. It's a great song just a little too folky for my taste. It's definitely better live but still not my cup of tea lol. Well I'm kinda surprised that he's singing supermarket flowers. I did not figure we would hear it this early in the tour. It's gonna be another song for me to get pissed at the crowd over lol. Now until don't/new man, human/I see fire is my least favorite mashup. I do however want a full version of human. Sorry I got lost in the video on the screens lol. I've grown to absolutely love the video, maybe even more than the video from last tour. It's just breathtakingly beautiful. So he now has a flag haha. He must have grabbed it from a fan between songs. Photograph is another great building/bvs. I will always love photograph. Perfect Bloodstream Thinking Out Loud Sing Perfect is great song for all the cell phone lights. I got lost again, this time in the song so the video kinda weird lol. Sorry this bloodstream video is so bad but it was the only video avalible. The hip hop arms are back. I wonder if he's still telling the same crazy joke lol. Oh changing the lyric crowd to turin for thinking out loud, slick ed very slick lol. Omg did they let a roster in, is Gladys here. I swear one of these fams hollering sounds like a roster haha. I love how much he loves this crowd. Well the wireless box came off the guitar strap lol. It's always something with his guitars and their straps haha. This view is gonna be awesome for the sing video and lights. Sing louder, ed um I don't think they can get much louder haha. Encore Shape Of You You Need Me I Don't Need You What Do I Know He also really gets into shape. This is the quietest the crowd has been all night. Let's see if he remembers to take a picture during you need me tonight lol. I find it interesting that's he's not mashing anything with ynm, I kinda miss him throwing in random songs. Broke another string lol. Yay he remembered haha. What do I know. I swear he's saying star monkey closing haha. He actually walked off the stage tonight with them still singing, he didn't night one. What do I know in my opinion isn't the best choice for a closing song but what do I know lol. Night two is in the books. It didn't differ much from night one other than he performed dive, Nancy Mulligan and supermarket flowers. I was so surprised he performed supermarket flowers. That song is like afire love, it's very personal, and I didn't think he would perform it so soon. I've learned that the new fyi for this tour is: ed takes out ear piece, get ready to sing haha. He takes it out so he can hear the crowd sing. My favorite is when they're just singing without him asking and he takes it out just to listen. Tonights crowd was the best so far, it's gonna be hard to beat them. Whichever crowd does will deserve an award haha. We are heading to zurich next, I remember this place being one of my favorite shows from the multiply tour. So hopefully they live up to my expectations lol. I'm looking forward to it either way. I hope y'all will join me next week for show number three, until then have a great week sheerios 💙💙💙.

[crossroadsdimension]

Lucky!Ford ch 4

Let it be known that this chapter really, really did not want to cooperate at first. It was as nervous as Ford seems to be at the idea of talking to Stanley, let’s put it that way.

And yet, it has come into existence and is now on my blog! Huzzah!

Talk Things Out

Knowing that he and Stanley had to talk was one thing. Actually getting around to talking to Stanley was something else entirely.

Mostly because Ford didn’t really know how to approach the subject of the rift that had formed between himself and his twin. Not to mention the fact that he had to get used to being back on Earth and there were a lot of things that he didn’t know about that was common knowledge for everyone else.

Ford’s brow furrowed at the computer screen and the newspaper that Dipper had found for him on the Internet, which was apparently this dimension’s version of a wireless information grid.

“Of course they turn out to be not everything that I had hoped they’d be.” He scowled at the news about WCT and how high their tuition was -- not to mention how they were apparently making their own students’ test scores appear higher than they actually were in order to keep themselves high up on the list for recommended engineering colleges -- before clicking back to a news article on Backupsmore.

It apparently now called itself “Underdog University,” which Ford found to be horribly ironic.

“Catchin’ up?”

Ford whirled at the sound of the gruff voice and blinked a couple times when he saw his brother standing behind him. He frowned. “What are you doing in the library? Don’t you have that...that attraction of yours to run?”

“Yeah, but I got a call about a double of me running around town an’ I figured I’d make sure people knew you weren’t me.” Stan shuffled his feet against the carpet.

Ford adjusted how he was sitting on the chair. “And how are you introducing me to them?”

“I-I’m just sayin’ that yer my brother from out of town. Do ya really think that I’m gonna say anythin’ else at this point?” Stan’s brow furrowed.

Ford frowned at the look on Stan’s face. Stan didn’t seem angered at his comment; he seemed...almost nervous.

It took a moment for Ford to consider even why Stan would even be nervous.

Ford sighed and turned to look back at the computer. “Is there anything else that you came here for?”

“Yeah. Mabel said ya...ya wanted ta talk.”

Ford’s fingers hovered over the keyboard, ready to enter his next query into the electronic subconscious of this dimension. He didn’t move, didn’t turn his head.

“I...I know it’s prob’ly not the best time, since yer still gettin’ settled back in, but…” Stan trailed off. “Ya know what, forget it. Ya probably wouldn’t want ta talk ta me until ya kick me out of the house, anyway.”

He turned and stomped off, leaving Ford sitting alone in the library corner, hands still hovering over the keyboard.

He let them drop after a moment. “A sdkl” appeared in the search bar as he bowed his head a little and sighed.

“Great-Uncle Ford?”

Ford lifted his head and looked to his right, blinking a couple times when he saw Dipper standing next to him with a rather large package under his arm.

“I...I just saw Grunkle Stan. Have you--”

“Not yet,” Ford admitted, quietly. “It….” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Do you need a plan?” Dipper offered. “I-I could come up with something. Mabel says that I plan too much for everything, but maybe this time--”

“I appreciate the thought, Dipper, but I doubt that you would be able to help me as much as you would like.” Ford sighed again and shook his head.

“O-oh.” Dipper pulled back a little, putting a hand on the package. “Um…” He bit his lower lip. “I-I don’t know if you’d be up to it or not, but...I-I just got this today and I’ve been looking for people who would be willing to play with me.” He held the package out so that Ford could have a look at it. “Mabel doesn’t want to play because she doesn’t want to think about math, and Soos is more into--”

“Is that Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons?”

Dipper looked up at Ford’s question and saw that his great-uncle was staring at him with an agape expression. “Y-yeah! Do...do you play?”

“Do I play?” Ford gave a short laugh. “‘With pen and paper, shield and sword, our journey is our sweet reward!’ It’s been years since I’ve been able to sit down and play a proper game!” He frowned and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Although, it would be rather difficult to play if we only have the two of us…”

“D-do you think Grunkle Stan could play with us, too?”

Ford sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Stanley never saw much of a point in attempting to play, much less make sense of the game. When we were younger, he thought it ridiculous that charisma was something you had to roll for.”

“Oh.” Dipper’s hopeful expression fell, and he let out a sigh. “Sounds a lot like Mabel. She doesn’t want to think about math very much.”

Something shifted in the bookshelves near them, causing Ford’s and Dipper’s heads to turn sharply.

Ford’s eyes narrowed at the sight of the leg of a blue suit and part of a ridiculous hairstyle.

“Maybe we should be having this conversation elsewhere,” Dipper said carefully.

“Good idea.” Ford vacated his chair and gathered his notes before starting for the library’s entrance. Dipper followed on his heels, game under his arm.

If either one of them heard a child’s voice behind them, they didn’t say anything.

Dipper didn’t speak up again until they were out on the street.

“I-I know you don’t want a plan from me, but...have you figured out how you’re going to talk to Grunkle Stan yet?” Dipper pulled the bill of his cap down when Ford looked over at him. The pine tree symbol on his hat still sent chills down Ford’s spine, but at least he knew they wouldn’t have to make use of the Zodiac with the portal demolished and Bill still on the other side.

Ford sighed and moved his gaze away from his nephew. “I have seen countless dimensions and I’ve defeated many creatures. I will talk to Stanley; the time simply isn’t right for it yet.”

Dipper nodded a little. “Yeah, I know the feeling. But, uh...sometimes it’s just good to go for it, you know? I, uh, I tried to plan how to talk to a girl and how our conversation would go...but I found out that’s not how I should do things. Maybe you should just…” Dipper trailed off and played with his hat. “Just go for it?”

Ford watched Dipper turn his head away quickly again. His brow furrowed as he looked down the street as his thoughts started to turn.

Dipper was essentially suggesting that Ford “wing it.” Ford did not do very well with “winging it.”

At least, most Fords didn’t.

Ford still had his luck -- luck which had done more to help than harm him since he had returned to his dimension. As far as his journal and the way he had returned, at least. He still wasn’t sure about the Fiddleford or the information he was learning about the truth of things, but it sometimes appeared as though he was going to the right direction.

Ford knew it wasn’t a good idea to put complete trust in his unusual luck. People who tried ended up either dying or managing by the skin of their teeth.

He wasn’t going to trust his luck.

Not completely.

Time Break

It turned out that fate did not plan to simply let Ford go about his own way of talking to his brother.

Mabel came into the kitchen with Stan in tow as Ford and Dipper were starting to set up. “Grunkle Ford, Grunkle Stan’s got something he wants to say to you!”

Ford looked up from his dice and character sheet, blinking in surprise. He looked over at Stan, who rubbed the back of his head and averted his gaze from his brother.

“Well?” Ford raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

Stan fidgeted, glanced at Ford, then looked away again quickly. “I, uh…” He sighed. “Mabel, I don’t think I can do this.”

“Yes, you can!” Mabel insisted. “Grunkle Stan, I could stab the tension in this house with my knitting needles. You gotta hug it out!”

“Kid, it ain’t that easy.” Stan shook his head.

Ford went back to his dice and looked at the numbers he’d rolled. He spun his pencil in between his fingers, then sighed and put the pencil down.

“Sure it is! Dipper and I do it all the time, right, Dipper?”

“Uh…” Dipper looked between Ford and Stan as Ford looked up from his dice again. “Mabel, I don’t think what works for us is going to work for them. There’s...there’s a lot of stuff that we don’t know about that they did, you know….” He trailed off and ducked his head as the looks he was getting from the rest of his family.

Ford glanced over at Stan and noticed that his brother was looking at him; the two of them quickly turned their gazes away from each other and focused elsewhere.

Ford found himself staring at his dice again, and at the lousy 1 he’d thrown among them for a possible character’s stats.

Critical miss on social interaction.

Ford sighed irritably. If this kept up, he and Stan were going to be dancing around the subject -- and each other -- for the rest of the summer. If they were going to get things settled now, one of them was going to have to open his mouth and say something.

But what?

Ford wracked his brain for something that he could say to get the conversation started, brow furrowing as he glared at the dice as though he could vaporize them just by looking at them.

“Y’know, Poindexter, I’m surprised ya haven’t started throwin’ blows like ya did when I got here thirty years ago.”

The comment threw Ford out of his thoughts abruptly that he looked up sharply from the dice and looked over at Stan with a befuddled expression.

“I mean, I stole yer name, I stole yer house, an’ I tried ta activate that thing in the basement. Ya...didn’t seem to happy about the fact I still had yer journal, either.”

Ford sighed. “No, I’m not. That information is dangerous -- I’d told you that it needed to be hidden.”

“And if it was so dangerous, why didn’t you just destroy it in the first place?”

“Because not all of it was dangerous.”

“Then you could have just gotten rid of the bits that were.” Stan folded his arms across his chest and raised an eyebrow as Ford’s frown deepened. “Or did you not want to do that, either?”

Ford could see the truth in what Stan was saying, but that didn’t mean he was going to simply let Stan roll over him. “You weren’t in the position I was in, and I couldn’t destroy something that I’d worked so hard on! I spent six years gathering that data! If I had just destroyed it, then I would have had to go through my studies all over again!”

“Uh huh. Then why is it that you were muttering about going to see unicorns last night?”

“Unicorns?” Mabel’s eyes lit up instantly. “There are unicorns here?”

How had Stan heard that? “I require some of their hair to make a barrier around the house in order to keep the supernatural out. There are some things out in the woods that you don’t want to be allowed to rampage in here freely.”

Of course, Ford was mostly thinking of Bill, but he wasn’t about to tell them that.

“Unfortunately, they are incredibly annoying and will only let someone with a pure heart take anything from them.” Ford leaned back in his chair and sighed irritably.

“I’ll go! I’ll do it!” Mabel rushed up to Ford and gave him a wide-eyed, pleading stare. “I’m probably the most pure-hearted out of all of us!”

“She’s got a point there,” Dipper said, nodding in agreement.

“I could make it a girl’s day out and bring Candy, Grenda, and Wendy with me!” Mabel squealed. “CanIgocanIgo? Please please please?”

Ford hesitated, but Mabel’s eyes only seemed to get bigger and bigger and more and more pleading by the second. He sighed. “All right, all right.” He reached into his coat and pulled out his second journal. “You’re going to need this if you’re going to want to find them -- I’ve marked the pages that you’re going to need; only look at those, understand?”

“Okay, Grunkle Ford!” Mabel rushed out of the room before Ford could grab something else from inside his coat to help her defend herself. “Candy, Grenda, Wendy! Clear out your afternoons -- I’ve got something awesome planned!”

“After talking about how dangerous your research is, you just let her take off with one of your journals?” Stan demanded. “Ford, you--”

“I’ve given her something to do,” Ford replied shortly. “The second journal contains spells more than anything else, and they are all encoded to ensure that they won’t be read easily.”

“Gideon probably figured out how to read them,” Dipper muttered. He ducked his head when Ford looked over at him.

“...I highly doubt that Mabel will be making use of such things.” Ford looked back at Stan. He didn’t want to let it slip that he was partially trusting that some of his luck would rub off on Mabel and let her get the unicorn hair he needed.

“Not unless she runs into Gideon, which probably isn’t going to happen if they’re in the middle of the woods,” Dipper agreed. “I trust Mabel. She’ll be okay.”

A part of that statement made Ford want to flinch a little, but he managed to hold back from doing so.

“Besides, Mabel and I have faced all sorts of things so far this summer -- she’ll be fine,” Dipper added quickly.

“Kid, what are you--”

“Yes, I read the notes you added to my journal.” Ford didn’t look over at Stan as he felt his brother’s sharp gaze turn to him. “Although I admit that I am impressed with the fact that you managed to subdue a Gremgoblin, that was incredibly dangerous, especially at your age.”

Dipper ducked his head at that, hiding his face under his baseball cap.

“Grem -- ya know what, I don’t wanna know.” Stan shook his head. “Dipper, ya mind gettin’ out of here for a while? Keep an eye on Mabel or something.”

“Uh…” Dipper looked between Stan and Ford, then nodded and ran out of the kitchen without a word.

Stan stood for a moment, then walked over to where Dipper had been sitting across the table from Ford and sat down. He eyed the sheets and dice in front of him before carefully pushing it towards the center of the table, making sure the dice didn’t turn over.

“So.” Stan folded his hands and rest them on the table. “Ya still plannin’ on kickin’ me out at the end of the summer or not?”

Ford sighed and ran the fingers of one hand through his hair. “I want my house and my life back Stanley. But that doesn’t mean I want you out of either one, either.”

Stan blinked blankly. “Wait. Yer not kickin’ me out?”

“...I’ve seen what the people here think of you. You’ve made such a large mark here that my coming here has caused an uproar. And--” Ford stopped himself, then sighed and turned his gaze away from Stanley.

“...and I’m not sure if I should stay.”

The room was silent.

“Bullshit.”

Ford blinked when he heard Stan swear.

“I drifted for over ten years and I was still able to settle into this place. You really need to learn to take better care of houses, Ford; this place was starting to fall apart even before I started turning it into the Mystery Shack. I know yer keepin’ things to yourself, so I won’t push ya, but really, did you really think a portal was going to be able to help?”

Ford didn’t say anything, but he looked back at Stan. As soon as their eyes locked, something in Stan’s face shifted.

“All right, you don’t want to talk about that either; fine, then.” Stan folded his arms across his chest. “If you don’t want to talk about that, what do you?”

Ford let out an alien curse, causing Stan’s eyebrows to shoot up. “Stanley, do you really expect me to know? I’ve been in other dimensions for thirty years, I don’t know Earth etiquette as much as I used to, and in case you haven’t noticed--”

“Yer havin’ a hard time adjustin’ an’ that’s why yer thinkin’ of leavin’,” Stan finished. When Ford stared at him with a wide-eyed expression, Stan snorted. “Ya really think I haven’t noticed, Poindexter? You’ve jumped at the coffee machine turnin’ on every mornin’ like a shot’s gone off, ya’ve been stayin’ in the basement rather than sleepin’ anywhere else in the house, an’ ya definitely didn’t know not ta give kids weapons.”

“Mabel has a grappling hook, I simply made a logical progression from that to a crossbow!”

“Which was the same one you pointed at my face when I got here thirty years ago, if I remember correctly,” Stan replied shortly.

“Stanley--”

“Not right in the head, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don’t think I know? Ya kinda gave it away when you demanded if I’d come to steal yer eyes.” Stan pointed at his own. “Now, like I said, I won’t bug ya about whatever it is that got ya thinkin’ about makin’ a portal or what ya did on the other side, but--”

“There are other things to talk about,” Ford responded dully.

“Yeah. Starting with what the heck you were thinking when you decided to call me in only to send me off.” Stan slammed his hands down on the table, causing Dipper’s dice to bounce a little. “You wanna know what I thought? I thought we were gonna get back together and do what we always talked about when we were kids! And then you went about kicking me out again!”

“You did not know what I was going through at the time!” Ford snapped back. “I-I thought that the world was going to end if I didn’t do something.”

Stan jerked back a little. “Then why didn’t you tear it apart?”

“It was research.”

“Research schmesearch -- if I were you I would have torn the thing down because my life was more important! You nerds like your books more than your own lives!”

“It’s the one thing we can contribute to society; of course we consider it more important than our lives!”

Stan’s wide-eyed stare took a moment to sink in, as did the words Ford had just yelled across the table. His own eyes widened as he sat back in his chair and groaned, running a hand down his face and refusing to look at Stan.

Stan sighed. “We’re both screwed, aren’t we?”

Ford made a noise that sounded like a mix between a hum and a grumble. This was not how he had been expecting this conversation to --

Wait. Both?

Ford raised his head and looked at Stan oddly. Stan saw the look and raised his hands.

“Oh, no. We’re not goin’ inta that. I’m not buggin’ you, yer not buggin’ me.”

Ford eyed him for a moment longer, then dropped his head again and shook it slowly. He reached into his coat and pulled out a canteen, which he took a swig of.

“I mean, I wasn’ out there for thirty years, but...ya get the idea.” Stan paused. “What’s in that?”

“Something from another dimension.” Ford had honestly forgotten which one it was by now. “It’s strong; I don’t know if you’d be able to handle it.”

Stan rose from his chair and came over, motioning with one hand. “Try me.”

Ford hesitated, but when Stan persisted he reluctantly handed the canteen over.

Stan took a swig of the canteen’s contents and blinked rapidly. “Whoa. That’s strong stuff. How is it ya don’t look even buzzed?”

“When you travel through multiple worlds, you tend to learn quickly that you need an iron stomach.” Ford took the canteen back and hid it in his coat again.

“Geez. And I thought that eating out of garbage bins gave me an iron stomach.”

Ford snorted. “We’re both messed up, aren’t we?” This conversation was going better than he had been expecting it to; he’d thought that they would have gotten into a fist fight by now over one thing or another. The worst thing they’d done was raise their voices at each other.

Was this his luck coming into play? Or was it something else?

Stan didn’t say anything, simply standing near where Ford sat with a confused expression. “So, uh...are the kids gonna come back and see us blubbering like old men?”

Ford snorted at the mental image and shook his head. “I doubt it.”

Stan mimicked the snort. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Well, uh...I’m gonna go work on some exhibits. If, uh...if ya wanna talk, I’ll be around.” He started to move out of the kitchen.

“Stanley, wait.”

Stan paused in the doorway and looked back at Ford.

Ford hesitated, then shook his head. “There’s a safe trail through the woods that I used to walk in the mornings. I’m planning on starting to do that again early tomorrow. I’d…” He paused, bit his lower lip. “I’d appreciate some company.”

“I don’t do early,” Stan said, after a moment.

“Afternoon, then -- it only takes fifteen minutes, I swear.”

“I’ll, uh…” Stan drummed his fingers against the wall. “I’ll think about it.” And then he was out of the kitchen without another word.

When Dipper and Mabel came back in the early evening, one carrying a chest full of gold and gems and the other soaked in rainbow blood and with rainbow hair in her hands, they found the tension in the house less oppressive than it had been, but still present. That night, after the barrier was put up, Ford didn’t retreat into the basement to sleep, and instead disappeared into the room that had once had the electron carpet -- he noticed absently that the carpet had been removed, but he wasn’t about to go looking for it right at that moment.

He was honestly looking forward to getting some proper rest for once.

[mojorising74]

I am a Monster.  Let me tell you why.

So, I have had many people really want to know why I didn’t enjoy The Last Jedi and I’ve held back answering because the film is fresh and I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s experience.  I did post a four word review of the film on Facebook (”That was... not good.”) and I was stunned to discover that this opinion was not a popular one.  Literally stunned.  So stunned I actually began to question my own thoughts on the film.

And taking some time away from the film and considering all the moments in the film I can recall, (I’ve only seen it once) I’ve decided to alter my review.

That was... really not very good.

So, here we go. I’m gonna break this down in the order as it was experienced by me.  I’m not gonna go back and edit this, so I apologize for typos. But I really don’t want to spend any more time on this then I have to.  This feels like my eulogy to Star Wars.  And I don’t want to linger here.

First off, the opening crawl.  This is a weird one, contested by many, except those in the theater with me.  The crawl was slanted, drifting slightly off to the right of the screen.  It was weirdly noticeable by everyone in my group.  We were slightly off to the left of center in the audience, but measuring the distance at the top of the screen to the scroll on our side vs the distance on the other side made us feel really confident that that the scroll was in fact slanted.  Like, Rian Johnson was putting his own slant on things (I see what he did there).  Or maybe the projector was tilted.  Either way, I missed the entire opening crawl because my brain opted to obsess over this detail.  I’m willing to accept most of the responsibility here, but yeah.  Slanted crawl pulled me out of Star Wars and made me think about how crawls were shot on a plate and how easy it would be to tilt the camera to give it a new cinematic flavor and blah blah blah.  Basically the slanted crawl had no bearing on my overall enjoyment of the film, other than I had retained nothing from the crawl going in and the movie was going to have to stand on it’s own cinematically, with no summary backstory.  

Good or bad, in the interest of full disclosure, I present this fact for your judgement.

Yeah, it’s gonna be that kind of review.

Right off the bat we get the first ESB call back of an evacuation shuttle leaving a planet while the First Order looms in the background.  From the trailers, I’m already expecting an AT-AT walker snow planet battle, so immediately I’m put on the defensive that the film is not gonna learn from criticisms of The Force Awakens and is going to attempt a rehash of “greatest hit” moments from the greatest Star Wars film.  George Lucas referred to this as “poetry” when he recalled certain elements in the prequels, saying “They rhyme.”  The new films seem to be seriously leaning in to this theory, but it feels like fan service rather than nuanced storytelling.

I’m disappointed by this but it is in no way a deal breaker.  Back to the movie.

Poe, by himself with no squadron waiting, decides to face off the First Order’s new weapon (The Dreadnaught) by flying his tiny x-wing to meet them.  We are then subjected to a laurel and hardy routine sponsored by Verizon Wireless, where General Hux is made out to be a total buffoon and completely incompetent.  (People will remember that one of everyone’s favorite part of the prequels was how the robot army was totally incompetent and easily out smarted by our clever heroes.  Or, the opposite of that.)  

But this scene also made me wonder about the intelligence of our hero as well.  He flies out to meet the star destroyers and only then does he decide to charge up his boosters for his daring plan?  “But Carl, he was playing it by ear!”  No, the generals on the resistance ship clearly know what his plan is and disapprove.  So, Poe actively decides to show up for this fight completely unprepared.  But whatever.  That’s a nit pick.  I know that, but these things start to weigh on me.  See, it wasn’t a story element that he needed more time to charge the boosters, it was a purposefully extended scene to stretch out a “can you hear me now” joke at the sake of plausibility. 

Disagree with me?  Think of the scene like this.

Hux gives his speech about how he will not take prisoners (instead of just shooting the guy out of the sky which would have delivered that message so much more succinctly).

Poe says his first line “I’m holding for General Hux.”

Hux looks confused for a moment, but quickly realizes he’s being played. “Blow him out of the sky!”

Cut to: Poe’s ship where his engine charge is ready and he blasts off and away.

All the same story beats with a quick, satisfying laugh that doesn’t stop the story or undermine the competency of the characters involved.

Speaking of competency, that brings up my next note.  Poe is a fucking Mary Sue.  Holy shit.  The next sequence of Poe destroying ALL but one of the cannons recalls one of my least favorite moments in Force Awakens.  That one shot where Finn is watching Poe fly around bulls-eyeing something like NINE tie fighters and several ground troops without even breaking a sweat.  It sets up this ridiculous expectation, that either Poe is that much better than everyone else in either the Resistance or First Order, making everyone else depressingly bad at their jobs, or him impossibly good.  Either way, it’s lazy story telling.  

We’ve seen good pilots in both of the previous trilogies, all of them having force powers to help them fight at elevated levels, but I’ve never felt, watching any of the other films, that one pilot was enough to single handedly sway any battle.  Battles in the previous films always felt epic and sweeping.  Poe feels like an OP video game character.  The kind that inspires patches to reduce his power because he kills the fun of playing the game and takes away the sense of menace from the foes he faces.

So, we’ll skip the next few nit picks; (bombs “falling” in “space”; why are space bombers slow when there is no gravity or atmosphere? Why are bomb bays triggered by a single button garage door opener? Why would you waste bombers on a mission that clearly calls for a missle or.. an unmanned vehicle blasting into hyper space?  We’ll get to that later cuz holy fuck.)

I want to point out that I’m getting nit picky at this point, but watching the film, I have NOT checked out.  Still engaged.  Still excited.  There is some Star Wars shit happening and I am in for the ride!  Woo hoo! Snoke is pissed and is gonna murder the fuck outa that buffoon Hux for letting the Resistance escape into hyper space.

So, the rebels come out of hyperspace and Leia casually mentions that she has a tracking device to help Rey find her way home.  

LITERALLY MOMENTS LATER, the First order leaps out of hyper space and everyone starts screaming “They tracked us some how!”  My brain, which has been literally processing story elements that are fed to me as they are fed to me immediately makes the connection between the First Order tracking the Resistance and the bracelet on Leia’s arm.  Those mother fuckers are tracking that shit, and that means they can also find Rey, which means Rey and Luke are in danger as well.  Hux even says “We have them tied to the end of the line.”  And this is further cemented as what is happening when Snoke suddenly forgives Hux like he’s the best general who ever lived.  Like maybe he just explained to Snoke that they found the tracking signal and he’s about to serve up Luke Motherfucking Skywalker.

Except, that’s not what happened.  What actually happened is that the First order had finally perfected some 50 year old Imperial technology that was briefly mentioned in Rogue One.  Hux didn’t have a clever plan that pleased Snoke.  He had some technology.  Technology that Snoke would have already known about.  Snoke sent Hux back to work like he nailed it, when he should have been like “You fucking idiot, you are the luckiest son of a bitch in the world that you completed that technology cuz we should have finished these guys already.  I’m taking a body part.  Get back to work.”

And the secret space tracker that Leia had?  Didn’t need it.  Finn steals it briefly in a cowardly attempt to save the girl he has a crush on, But other than that, it has almost no bearing on the story.  Rey uses her connection to Kylo to fly back and surrender to him.  The tracker was only used as a plot device to introduce Rose, and to show Finn in a most unheroic light.  Again.  A familiar bell rang many times in The Force Awakens.

But we are getting ahead of ourselves, because the best moment in the movie happened before this and I want to talk about it.

Kylo and the first order have caught the resistance with their pants down and they are fucking shit up.  Kylo cruises in on the lead cruiser, aims at the bridge, and suddenly senses his mother standing there.  Overcome with emotion, Kylo realizes that he can’t kill his mother.  That doing that would mean there is no chance for his redemption.  And he CHOOSES TO SPARE HER LIFE! 

But oh shit, two other fighters are cruising with him and they dont hesitate to fire on the bridge.  There is an explosion and Leia is sucked out into space.

Ladies and gentleman, this was possibly the greatest moment in Star Wars history.  Leia was dead.  Her death had powerful meaning.  In the moment of Kylo’s redemption, he has it stolen away by others.  His path to forgiveness destroyed.  He will never be forgiven by the other characters in the film.  he is doomed to fight as evil because the forces of good will give him no quarter for killing their general.  He is a cursed man.  His guilt will know no bounds.  

I sat there in the cinema, speechless.  Completely destroyed emotionally, openly weeping.  Carrie Fisher leaves the film, her character arc complete, her death a meaningful and truly shocking moment in the film.  Absolutely stunning.

And then she opens her eyes.  And I start crying for a different reason.  She holds out her hand and force pulls herself to safety, ignoring the other heroes on the bridge who were also blown out into space.  She chooses to use her magic powers to save herself and let everyone else die.  

Like a fucking hero.

I was stunned at how terrible this moment plays on screen.  Truly stunned.  Leia had literally just given a speech on how soldiers die heroes but never commanders.  Her first chance to put her money where her mouth is, she ignores her own advice and saves her own skin instead.

This also gave me the stunning revelation that Leia would not be dying in this film, because as bad as Rian Johnson is at Star Wars, he’s not so bad to miraculously save a character only to kill her off later because her epic heroic death is still waiting in the wings.  Knowing that Carrie Fisher had died made me feel like her character would never get the incredible exit from the saga that was just missed in the preceding opportunity.  Princess Leia will die off screen between films.  Or she will be digitally reincarnated.  But neither of those things serve her memory or her character.  The Force Awakens had a lot of missed opportunities, but none of them like this missed moment here.

Meanwhile Rey is trying to convince Luke Skywalker to come back and he insists that he has no intention of ever returning.  WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE A MAP TO WHERE YOU WERE HIDING?  WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING? WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!

While we’re here, Chewie eating Porgs while they gather around him to ponder the deaths of their kin is nothing less than horrifying.  These creatures are sentient and aware they are bing eaten, and instead of running for their lives, they stare sadly at the creature eating them.  These creatures are not long for this world. This is my only note on Porgs.  

They’re... fine.

Also, ghost Yoda can shoot lightning bolts?  Is that something they could always do?  Why the fuck are we fighting a war when theres an army of lightning powered ghost warriors wandering the cosmos.  Hey Ghost Yoda why don’t you make yourself useful and ghost your way into a star destroyer and lightning the fuck out of power core?

Ghost Yoda shooting lightning fundamentally breaks Star Wars.  

Moving on...

Seriously.  We’re just getting started.

Back at the resistance, Finn has decided to sneak off the cruiser with Leia’s bracelet.  Now, remember, at this point in the film, I’m still thinking the bracelet is the way the First Order is tracking the resistance.  The whole “they must be tracking us through hyper space” plot line feels super thin and the only thing holding it to reality is a passing reference in a film that takes place roughly 50 years before this one.  Remember, there is literally no reason, that I as a casual movie goer, should think that the First order has in fact figured out this new tech and are not following this bracelet instead.  Nothing about Snoke’s response or Hux’s response suggest this is the case.

So, I’m thinking, fuck yeah.  Finn has figured this out, and he’s gonna try and lure the First Order away by pretending he’s Princess Leia.  Like a hero.  This is gonna draw the First Order off the Resistance and put Finn in a lot of danger.  Danger that’s gonna get super cool when Rey follows the beacon home and discovers her friend captured by storm troopers!  What a crazy action packed reunion that’s gonna be!

Oh wait.  Finn is sneaking off to lure Rey away from the First Order, so the two of them can be together after the resistance is destroyed, or something.  Like a... hero?  Is this really the conclusions a hero comes to?  I mean, i get it, the movie calls him out on this, but like, didn’t we already do the “Finn is running away” plot line in the last movie?  Didn’t we already resolve that he’s not a coward and willing to fight for what’s right?  He knows Rey won’t be cool with this move.  What the fuck is he doing?  WHAT THE FUCK!

Ok, so, he tells Rose what he was really up to, and she magically understands the quantum mechanics of tracking a ship through hyper space.  Finn and Rose, the janitor and the repair girl, within moments of being presented with a problem come up with the most far fetched solution that could possibly be, WHILE IGNORING THE MOST OBVIOUS PROBLEM IN THEIR HANDS (I mean honestly, even if someone had briefly looked at the tracker and said “What about this”, followed by a quick explanation and I could move on, but in the 2 1/2 hour run time there just wasn’t enough time to address this obvious plot hole).

So, Finn, Poe and Rose decide to disobey orders and embark on a mission after being told that there is only one man in the galaxy that can hack into a first order star destroyer.  This man, will be identifiable by his flower pendant.  That he always wears.  At all times.  So he can be identifiable.  To people sent to him to hack secret codes.  You know, just in case.  Also he is always at the high stakes gambling tables.  Not eating.  Not reading the paper in his apartment.  He exists in a constant state of high stakes gambling.

Sigh.  Fine.  Let’s go find this guy.

Finn and Rose leave in a shuttle and are immediately identified as a shuttle leaving the ship by the First Order but they are told to ignore the shuttle and to continue chasing the main ships.  This scene is really fucking important for later on in the movie so let me reiterate on this point:  A shuttle left the resistance ships and was immediately tracked and identified by the First Order.  Yeah, you know where I’m going with this, but let’s just leave it here in your fucking brain for a minute, the way it sat in mine for the rest of the movie.

So, now we get a weird story arc for Rose.  Rose hates everyone who lives in this city.  Why? Did she live here?  No.  She was a slave growing up in a mine somewhere else.  But rich people who live in this city built weapons from stuff the slave children mined so fuck this town and everyone in it.

This,’rich people were mean to me so I hate all rich people’ storyline feels like a super weak attempt to make a political statement about classism and suggests that future Star Wars films are going to be about the poor people rising up and defeating the elitists who are literally getting rich off of watching us kill each other.  This is a clumsy metaphor for what’s happening in the world. (It also completely ignores that this city is also home to the sometimes lover of one of our main resistance heroes, so maybe not everyone is so bad?)

But fine.  Clumsy metaphor.  Poor people good, rich people bad.  Got it.

Rose and Finn find the man they are looking for but are immediately arrested and thrown in jail.  The absolute worst jail in movie history.  First off, they are locked up together.  But not only together, with a third person.  A magic person who claims (and actually does) he has the exact skills the duo is looking for.  Skills our characters have been told do not exist outside of the man with a flower on his coat.  

This new man breaks them out of jail with items he snuck in (deus ex incompetence), only to discover that BB-8 has already dispatched the guards and was literally moments away from rescuing them himself.  I point this out because none of the suspension of disbelief required above was necessary to get out of the situation.  The movie just did it.  Inexplicably.  Just crammed in a  moment to waste our time.  

Which I suddenly realize is a recurring theme in the film.  Cramming in moments that have no bearing on the story to fill time.

Fine.  They escape.  But they do not try to reconnect with the guy they saw at the casino.  They instead decide to scrub the mission and head back.  I’m weirdly on board with this because this whole plan was incredibly contrived from the beginning.  Anything to get back to the story at hand.

But this new person they met in jail just keeps forcing himself on them, rescuing them at the last moment from... I’m not sure what.  Going back to terrible jail?  It’s not hard to break out of.  They’ve already decided to leave the planet empty handed so, I’m not really sure what the stakes are for this camel cat chase scene are supposed to be.  Like, it seems to be a crazy desperate escape from being temporarily hindered.  Whatever.  All your friends are dying in the slowest chase scene across the galaxy ever, but this action packed chase scene has almost zero stakes.  Think about where you’re investing your story moments, people.  

Shake it off, there is still a lot of movie to get through, but at this point, the movie is actually working against me.

Ok, so Finn and Rose escape the gambling city, leaving the slave children to be whipped and beaten for their participation in the escape, and all of the camel cats are immediately round up and returned to the stables, to be also whipped and beaten for running away.  (This is proven fact when we revisit the children later on and find them still working in the stables, sweeping straw. If the camel cats were still gone, there would be no need to tend the stables and we already know the slavers are not opposed to beating the children or the camel cats.)

But hey, none of that matters cuz “Game on!”  We have a hacker!  Who claims he can do the thing.  With zero credibility or references.  But by god, this is our only hope.  Cool.  Lets break into a star destroyer.

I wanna pause here to point out there is a storyline happening between Kylo Ren and Rey that is STUNNINGLY good.  Like it’s happening in a different movie.  It’s layered and nuanced and tragic and heartfelt.  Love love everything in this storyline up to the point that Kylo Ren pulls a Homer Simpson trying to murder his omnipotent son, Bart, in that one Tree House of Horror episode just before Bart turns him into a jack in the box. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4T8x7T4Vao

Kylo Ren is moderately more successful then Homer and manages to kill off Snoke by cutting him in half with my favorite move from the Star Wars video game.  And then comes the dance fighting ninja guards who are TERRIBLE at their jobs.  Just terrible.  There’s no other way to explain what happened to human resources.  The outcome of what happened in that room is going to reflect very poorly on the Royal Guard.

But the movie insists I need to watch the Rose Finn stuff so it sends me back to them sneaking onto the star destroyer, where they are immediately identified by an astro mech who spots BB-8.

Moments later they are caught by the First Order, but BB-8 is not captured.  Even though he is with them and was the reason they were caught in the first place.  Somehow, he isn’t captured with them.  the movie suggests it’s because he is hidden under a box, but the Star Mech saw him through the box and the astro mech is present for the capture, but has now apparently forgotten about BB-8.

Sure.  Fine.  Moving on.

Now, I forgot to mention something because during the throne room fight, the movie felt like it was winding down, but I remembered from the trailer that Captain Phasma still hadn’t shown up in the movie and was getting worried that Phasma might be under utilized in this storyline (unless there was some big reveal coming up that totally legitimized her involvement in the film.  Spoiler alert: there isn’t.)

Seriously, why is Phasma in your movies?  Are you trying to make a statement about Boba Fett?  That the only thing a villain needs to become iconic is a cool costume?  Is this a bet you guys made with the original trilogy guys?

So, Phasma shows up, escorts the prisoners to the hangar (not the brig) in order to immediately execute them.  Not interrogate them.  Not hold them prisoner. “But Carl, they knew Finn and Rose would never talk so no need to question them! Also, the hacker already told them everything they wanted to know.”  Ok, first, hacker John only told the First order about the ships sneaking off the spaceship.  Information he was only privy to because he was allowed to be a part of a top secret mission briefing by Poe leading a mutiny against Laura Dern.  And also, master interrogator Kylo Ren is on this ship.  He can mind rape these kids and get all their secrets.  There is NO WAY execution is the next step in the plan. Zero chance.

Hang on.  Hold up.  Let’s talk about Laura Dern who has picked the absolute worst teaching moment that any officer could choose.  The resistance is in tatters.  The main general is in a coma.  Your captains are going down with their ships one at a time.  DON’T BE COY WITH THE DETAILS WHEN DEALING WITH YOUR BEST PILOT!

Also, what the fuck is up with your hair and wardrobe?  Purple hair?  That’s it?  You were like “Space movie lady?  Purple hair, right?” and everyone was like “Sure. That sounds right.” Lazy lazy lazy.....

Whatever.

So, Phasma is gonna execute these fools but KABOOM! and Phasma and her troops disappear.  Finn is surprised by this and decides to make his escape.  But then suddenly out of the smoke comes (wait for it) CAPTAIN PHASMA!

Wha...?  Where did she go?  Did they all run off for a second and then suddenly go “Wait.  Did we kill those guys? Do you guys remember why we came in here?  Fuck.  Lets go back and kill those guys before we leave.  We got the order all mixed up again.”  Just... baffling.  They jettisoned her out of the scene, just so she could reenter the scene dramatically.  Just because the shot of her coming out of the smoke looked cool.  That’s it.

So, now Finn and Phasma fight.  And the backstory between these two characters is thick, and by thick I mean, non-existent.  Nothing feels earned in this battle, including Phasma’s incredibly lack luster “death”.  So, Finn the janitor lucks into victory against the hardened warrior... again.

Man, have we ever seen Finn win a fight in these movies?  Have they been trying to sell us an incompetent hero?  What exactly has Finn done to help the resistance in either of these films?  Is Finn the worst character in Star Wars?  Talk amongst yourself.

But before you do, I want you to consider one thing.  After watching the film, I was pretty vocal about how Finn, Rose and Poe’s plan did absolutely nothing to affect the outcome of the film.  Their adventure was completely pointless.

But I was wrong.  They did cause one thing.  

On the Resistance ships, 30 evacuation shuttles are slipping away, under the assumption that the First Order won’t be able to see the shuttles.  This is a stupid plan, especially since the movie goes out of it’s way to explain that the First Order can ABSOLUTELY track shuttles flying away. (Editor’s note: its been pointed out to me that the shuttles were using cloaking technology, cloaking technology that the First Order had no problem seeing past, simply by possessing the knowledge that it existed.  Lazy lazy lazy...)

But let’s buy into this.  The resistance is escaping, and Finn, Poe and Rose have handed a traitor over to the First Order and directly caused the deaths of 23 of the 30 ships flying away.  Two thirds of the survivors were killed because Finn, Poe and Rose didn’t follow orders.

Now, this is fucking dark.  Holy shit, hubris killed the resistance.

But in the next scene, Poe is leading the goddamn charge against the walkers.

YOU DON’T GET TO DO THAT.  You disobeyed orders that killed off almost 300 of the remaining 400 soldiers.  You are summarily executed.  Not the hero of the final battle.  After Poe and Finn’s bullshit, the entire resistance can fit in the goddamn Millenium Falcon.

These characters are not heroes.

So, lets skip over the nit picky shit (Finn can suddenly fly a ship?  When did he learn?  He’s been in a coma since the last movie and one of the main plotlines of the last movie circled around Finn not being able to fly a ship.  Why drop a battering ram so far away from it’s target?  Why not blast the base from space?)

So, then Luke Skywalker shows up and fools everyone into believing he’s actually there, when he isn’t.  It’s magic and shit.  No one can touch him.  (Except we’ve already established that you can indeed touch him through the void, but Nvmnd).

This scene is annoying for two reasons.  One, it’s lame.  Two, the director went through so many lengths to set this up.  He showed a shot of Rey looking at a drowned x wing, so when Luke shows up magically at the end of the movie, folks are like, “He must’ve force lifted the x-wing out of the water and flown it here.”  It was such an easy head fake explanation that utilized information the audience knew from past movies along with necessary story elements to make something believable.  

There are so many head scratchingly stupid moments in this film, that it absolutely stuns me this much thought went into this sequence. To maintain my suspension of disbelief in this moment, the director offered a single well thought out visual to sell Luke’s silly plan to the audience.

So that tells me that the filmmakers were perfectly capable of taking moments established in previous films and building on them smartly.  They just... didn’t.

It’s like when my teacher would give me lower marks then  the rest of the class, not because my paper was worse, but because I was capable of so much more.  Yeah, it seems unfair, but fuck you.  Life isn’t fair.  You get to direct endless Star Wars movies for the rest of your life.  Try not to piss in my mouth while you do it,

Which brings me to my final example of why this movie completely fails.  Laura Dern decides to save the resistance by launching a ship into hyper space directly into the main star destroyer.

Are you serious?  Has this always been an option?  It literally destroyed the ship with the hyper space tracker.  All of the other ships could have escaped if that first bastard who went down with his ship would have done this.  Every death star could have been destroyed with a single freighter.  Holy shit, we could build a canon that shoots things at light speed and destroy everything.

If this has always been an option, it’s ridiculous that it is only thought of now.

Also, if the First order only has one ship that cant track the resistance ships, why not just everybody scatter into hyper space in every direction?  They can’t follow everybody.  if 10 ships are left, 9 get away.  there are literally dozens of different ways to get out of this situation that even the most inexperienced leader could have sussed out, other than abandoning ship to everyone’s immediate execution. 

Heroes are supposed to be great.  There are no great heroes in The Last Jedi.  

So that’s it.  Not a good movie.  Soup to nuts an utter failure.  On par with the worst of the prequels.  And once everybody has had a little time away from the film, you’ll all agree with me.  Just like you all loved the prequels for a little while, until some sober son of a bitch walked up and pointed out a few failings.  

And then the whole goddamn thing comes tumbling down.

[swrx-rant]

User eXperience - Windows Explorer

Microsoft, does it feel like I'm picking on you? Get the fuck over it, its nothing you don't deserve a hundred million times over. (once for each user you have pissed off with your shitty interface)

DRAG & DROP - onDragEnter over an EXE file... TURN THIS FUCKING SHIT OFF. DON'T DO A FUCKING THING UNLESS I FUCKING DROP IT THERE!!! DO NOT FREEZE OR LAG MY COMPUTER OR FORCE THE MOUSE TO STICK OVER THE FUCKING EXE INCREASING THE CHANCE OF AN ACCIDENTAL FUCKING DROP DUE TO SIGNAL LOSS/LOW BATTERY/A CHEAP-ASS WIRELESS MOUSE THAT RANDOMLY RELEASES AND RECLICKS MISFIRING EVENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOOLTIPS - 99% of the FUCKING TIME WE DO NOT WANT THESE FUCKING THINGS POPPED IN OUR FACE. THEY TEND TO COVER IMPORTANT INFORMATION LIKE FUCKING THE FILENAMES BELOW THE CURRENT ITEM TO PROVIDE US WITH REDUNDANT SHIT ALREADY VISIBLE ON THE SCREEN. They are useful 1% of the time and the UI should reflect that by USING A MODIFIER KEY TO SUMMON THEM!!! In other words, DON'T SHOW ME FUCKING TOOLTIPS UNLESS I'M HOLDING DOWN THE MOTHERFUCKING ALT KEY, ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!! That goes for Blizzard UI/WoW too. :/

STUPIDFETCH/PREFETCH - this is when your dog brings you the stick before you throw it. While you're driving. On the freeway. In the snow and ice. At night. With one headlight out. And no sleep for 36 hours. And your heater doesn't work. And the passenger window is broken.... I DON'T FUCKING WANT THE STICK RIGHT NOW, I WANT TRACTION ON THE FUCKING ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What DIPSHIT at Microsoft (sounds like they need those little blue pills) thought it was a good idea to WASTE ALL OF THE RAM ALL OF THE TIME? Seriously, some dumbass came up with a whitepaper that said unused resources were wasted. No, unused resources are RESERVED/PROTECTED/THERE-WHEN-NEEDED. OVERUSED RESOURCES ARE WASTED! AND SO WAS THE FUCKWAD THAT WROTE THE PAPER! Why should I slow my system, put unnecessary wear, and generally fuck up my user experience by having the computer load shit I am not currently using??? It doesn't fucking matter what I did last Tuesday, I expect 90% of system resources to be available TO THE ACTUAL PROGRAM/PROJECT I AM RUNNING!!! And the remaining 10% to keep the fucking system stable/responding.

How hard is it to just do what the fuck you are told and not try (badly) to guess what I might want next??? Saving 0.3 seconds on application load isn't worth taking 2-3x LONGER to fucking render!!! ALLOCATE MEMORY TO MY ACTUAL TASK, FUCK WHAT YOU THINK! Why doesn't the system give the RAM to Photoshop/GIMP/DAZ/Poser/Blender/Z-Brush/Maya/LightWave/3D Max/Carrara/Vue/Cinema4D/Bryce/or-whatever-the-fuck-high-system-requirement-program-I-am-USING!!!?? Hasn't anyone else noticed this? RAM says 0% free, 70% Available, 70% cached... and the program you are USING is CHOKING while it waits for the system to give it the fucking RAM it Requested/COMMITTED???? I'm watching the PAGE-FAULTS pile up while the system reports, "EVERYTHING'S FINE, NOT TO WORRY... WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY SOLITAIRE NOW¿ I'M GONNA LOAD THAT FOR YOU..." Is it illegal to fucking shoot a computer? Give it time, it will be.

I have watched this fucktarded process try to stuff 40GB of WoW data into 4GB of RAM. Windows, you have no fucking clue what bits the game needs, why don’t you WAIT FOR IT TO DECIDE/REQUEST!

SEARCH - HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT TO WRITE A USEFUL GODDAMNED SEARCH? (Don't ask Google, they sure as fuck don't know, no wonder I want to *bing* you jackasses upside the head) When I search for "desktop.ini" (to delete the useless fuckers), I do not want "desktop-utilities.ini", "desktop-widgets, incororated magical wanker with bluetooth file-syncing.ini", or anything the fuck else besides D E S K T O P . I N I -- why the fuck do I have to tell you "name:=" just to get expected behavior??? I didn't search for "desktop*.ini"! Users are smart enough to know how a fucking wildcard character works, too bad the OS isn't smart enough to know how a STRING LITERAL does! If you want to support more flexible searches, then why don't you limpdicks implement REGULAR EXPRESSION support on searches???????????? Then, if I wanted to search for "desktop.*\.ini" I would fucking tell you, otherwise assume I mean "desktop\.ini". The search worked better in Windows98 than it has in any version since... and it wasn't great back then either, it just hadn't become a total fuckup yet... that was before it started using crack. Can we just get the fucking thing to stop guessing and start fucking looking??

NETWORKING - on the subject of JUST FUCKING LOOK, perhaps we could get the network TO ACTUALLY FUCKING TRY TO CONNECT BEFORE IT SAYS IT COULDN'T??? Do you like being called limpdicks? You must, you did call yourselves "micro-soft". Do you think we're too stupid to notice the difference between the system trying to connect to a shared computer/network folder and it INSTANTLY bitching it can't? The only Denial of Service happening here is from you not letting me connect to my fucking internal network, you douchebags.

DEFRAG - what the fuck were you losers thinking??? First you replace the visual feedback of moving cluster blocks and replace it with a shitty progress bar (dropping from a 2D visual matrix to a single dimension), then you remove the feedback ENTIRELY... not even a generic progress bar or percentage or estimated completion time. Instead you fucktards just give us a message that says "please wait" with no indication that you are doing a fucking thing (even taskmanager can't see it half the fucking time). Then you take a goddamned nap for the next 36 hours, making no discernible progress. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT AND WHY THE FUCK IS IT EVEN TURNED ON? What shitbag thought the answer was "always running defrag in the background"??? That isn't a solution, its a fucking problem, a goddamned big one you numbshits! This had to come from the same dumbass that believes unused RAM is wasted, now we get the idea that if your HDD is GRINDING ALL THE TIME, it too is somehow wasted. FUCK. THAT. GUY. (please, somebody just shoot him between the eyes with a military grade paintball gun... and if you miss the *between* part, well, that's okay too) [yeah, yeah, "violence is never called for"... clearly you didn't read the script, cause the dramatic tension in this scene needs to break... its right there below line 7, it clearly says "and violence ensues"]

TILES - yes, let's make an interface that takes up extra space and doesn't provide anything useful... oh, and let's make it the FUCKING DEFAULT. And no matter how many times the user tells us they don't want this piece of shit view, we'll keep reverting to it, especially when they open a network folder or external device.

Seriously dipfucks, this could have been a useful, CUSTOMIZABLE view where the USER could decide what details they wanted to see, and HOW BIG THE TUMBNAIL/PREVIEW is, and what META-INFORMATION such as URLs could be attached and how they would be shown.

But instead they made a shitty, small preview/thumbnail, and piled on useless details that cannot be configured, leaving out USEFUL information wherever possible. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CUSTOM FUCKING WIDGET, LET THE DAMNED USER DECIDE WHAT THEY WANT, DON'T FORCE IT ON THEM. NO MEANS NO.

SETTINGS/CONTROL PANEL - WHY?! WHY DO YOU FUCKERS HAVE TO RENAME AND MOVE SETTINGS WITH EVERY FUCKING VERSION OF THE OS????? It was painful enough to find how to customize this shitty operating system the first time, now, like fucking walmart, I have to learn an entirely new store layout every fucking time I visit instead of finding the product/service/setting I'm looking for. KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF! AND QUIT FUCKING HIDING SETTINGS TOO... things that could be configured in older versions of windows are now FUCKING HARDCODED LIKE THE FUCKTARDS AT APPLE DO! I don't wan't a single-button mouse or interface, morons, I WANT FULL FUCKING CONTROL OF EVERY SINGLE (reasonably distinct) ASPECT, THAT CAN BE *SAFELY* CONFIGURED. I don't like fucktarded "basic" settings that have only 1 or 2 options, I DEMAND FULL CONTROL OF THE FUCKING COMPUTER AND OPERATING SYSTEM I PAID FOR! If I don't like a how shitty UI/UX feature is implemented, I ought to be able to change it! I'm not asking to modify core stability and security, just the ability to use your product without wanting to kill myself. (or you... mostly you)

JUMP LISTS: PINNED ITEMS - why can't you fucking remember what was PINNED!? Especially for web-browsers! When I pin 10 websites, I EXPECT THEM TO BE THERE A WEEK FROM NOW, A MONTH FROM NOW, A DECADE FROM NOW!!! Instead, they disappear after just a couple of days because you keep OVERWRITING PINNED ITEMS with "new" items. TREAT THE FUCKING PINNED AS READ ONLY, WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT OTHER VISITED SITES, WHY SHOULD THEY TAKE PRECEDENCE!? Only the USER should be allowed to REMOVE PINS!!!!!!!! Its time you "microsoft dogs" learn what *STAY* means! But enough talk, HAVE AT YOU!