#good example of making grinding fun and not soul sucking

[valravn72]

I’ve been playing a lot of small indie games and god I wish the rest of the game industry understood that the whole point of farming and grinding is so that in some point of the journey the player can go HAHAHA I PLANNED FOR THIS and pull off crazy crap earlier than they should be able to. Like Teenage Exocolonist letting me just walk past all the checks when I’m outside the colony and go to the boss immediately because I farmed the fuck out of my perception skill should technically be game ruining but it’s not. I planned for this so I could get the ascension ending easily while simultaneously putting the rest of my effort into figuring out as much about engineering as possible at the same time so I can pull off a full shield run. Having advantages in certain contexts should allow me to interact with it in a way that opens an entirely new path for me to take. Poisoning the campfire survivors at the very beginning of my Inscryption run lets me take a route where I focus on building up the cards I already have instead of hunting down new ones. Advantages are good!! Grinding so you’re high enough level to beat one boss only for the rest of the game to balance itself by making everything else many levels higher than you once again is unrewarding. If your player cannot face your game from multiple angles then maybe it’s not that worth exploring. If your player over relies on an ability they spent a long time working up and they’ve made the game too easy make it so that steers them into a new situation where they have to innovate on their strategy to get things going again. Just hand me a game like Inscryption where I farm the whole game with fecundity decks and then get to Kaycee’s Mod and realize I have to relearn the whole game from a completely new perspective now that I can’t rely on that anymore. If it’s just a matter of “the numbers are too high we have to turn all the other numbers up too” then do the numbers really mean anything anymore or are you just keeping me stuck in a role where I’m saying to myself “once I have the advantage I’ll be able to explore so many new things” but then never letting me have any advantage until near the end when the world has lost its charm because everything is just a damn numbers game.

[nemrut]

Epic Seven - Balance Adjustment Patch 02.09.2021

So, some interesting units getting adjustments there.

Don't care much about ML Ravi since I do not have her. I'll be honest, I didn't think she needed a buff, but then again, I rarely saw her, so maybe she did.

Her S1 now inflicts injuries, which is interesting enough. Her S2 now gives her a CR push and her S3 gets stronger the more people die, although it only stacks up to three times.

It looks like a pretty good buff, should make her more annoying, at least, although it was never fun fighting an ML Ravi even before this buff. Now, the longer the fight goes on, she will do increasingly more dmg, cycle faster, have an easier time reviving teammates who also revive with more health. So yeah, looks good, too bad I do not have her.

Luna is more interesting to me, because I have her, and she is almost at max mola. I got her when she was first released and back then, Luna was the wyvern queen, and you basically used her everywhere. Lab, wyvern, grinding and even PVP arena. She was cycled out rather soonish though, what with the Commander Lorina SC, who could do her job in PVE better and more reliably and a lot of units who were way better in PVP. At the latest, Luna was unfeasible for Wyvern 13, so, with that, she lost her last useful job. She can be used for one of the expeditions, and many do, but it was mainly people making use of a unit they already had. No one was going to build Luna specifically for expeditions, and even there, Lorina could do a better job imo.

That said, her updates. Her S1 had always been unreliable due to the RNG factor. If she attacked multiple times, it was great and if she didn't, it kinda sucked. Now, she can soulburn ten souls to increase the number of attacks to the maximum amount, which is actually pretty solid. It firmly locks her in as a hero you have to manually control though, since the SB is very important.

Her S2 now always gives crit hit chance by 30, no matter her HP and also additionally 30% crit hit resistance, which is new, as a modicum of protection. Guess pairing her with Diene is now even better than ever. The ATK and Def increase modifiers are the same as always, depending on her health.

Her S3 now penetrates defense by 50%, and she gains an additional five souls if the enemy is defeated. Seeing that the attack always attacks using an advantageous element, having the 50% def penetrating on top of that is pretty song.

On paper, the buffs are looking good, even if they are not going overboard or anything. I am doubting we are entering a Luna renaissance where she will be dominating the meta, but at the very least, it seems like she will be feasible. Personally, I would probably be building her like a bruiser herself, so she would have decent hp and def. Beefy counter build with her EE which gives CR push still seems feasible, especially since she now is less likely to be hit by a critical attack and her S3 now hits a lot harder, making it dangerous to ignore her if she can snipe a unit. She probably can't kill a full health bruiser but since she isn't very fast, by the time it is her turn, the enemy would ideally have accumulated some dmg and it should be enough to finish someone off at least. So, I am interesting to see how this goes. Always feel bad for benching a unit with so many mola investments, so all the better if she becomes viable again.

I do have Kawerik, but I never really used him, and I only fought him a handful of times, so I don't know if this moving stealth from one attack to another and is going to do much, but the attack buff on his EE seems like it would make him better at least.

Same with Mort, never really used him, but I might try him out. SB moved on his S1 so he can apply def break for two turns which is always useful.

His S2 now always gives him a 30% chance to counterattack and his chance to activate his blessing has increased by 10% to 50%, which is fair enough.

His S3 now deals 5 % more injury, 20% in total every time he uses his skill and it deals more dmg.

So yeah, I don't know if this will make him good or worth using but it does make him better, no doubt.

I am also part of the tiny minority of Epic Seven players which is 99.5% of the player base who has never used Roaming Warrior Leo. His buffs seem to make him better, both as a unit in general and to do his job as a bomber, but it really depends on the bomb mechanic being feasible now. With Summer Iseria coming out with bombs as well, could be that they work very well together, making RW Leo a meta unit of sorts but that is very hard to say before seeing Summer Iseria and the new improved bomb mechanics in play.

Ice Dominiel got a pretty significant rework though. Her S1 now can stun and has an SB with which it has a 100% guarantee to stun with only ten souls which is pretty good. Furhtermore, her S2 is now a passive with a 35% of triggering after an ally is hit by a critical attack as opposed to always when she activated it but it is actually a huge improvement because now she doesn't need to go first to activate it. I actually tried Dominiel before, and her reflect barrier strength was based on her atk. That meant, not only did she need a lot of speed so that she could go before the enemy dmg dealers, she also needed a solid atk base since otherwise her reflect barrier would be worthless. So you needed her with high speed, attack but also HP and DEF since her play style revolves around being hit by the enemy and reflecting the dmg back at them and ideally, she kinda needs to survive for that. She also wanted effectiveness for her S3 stuns.

That's a lot of stats for a unit whose stats were already not great, since she is a 4 star. But now, well, now she doesn't need ATK and speed anymore. Now she just wants HP, Def, and maybe effect resistance and some effectiveness. Now she just needs to say alive on your team before she grants your whole team a reflect barrier, one that is based on an ally's max health by the way, which means that if she is paired with soul weavers, knights and bruisers, that's going to make it hurt at least somewhat for enemy attackers. Landy, Arby, SSB and others now have to actively watch out for her.

On paper, at least. Oh, her S3 now also decreases combat readiness by 15 % and gives her increased speed for two turns, even compensating for the loss of speed due to the new gear requirements. I am rather excited for her, since I always liked the idea of killing the enemy with reflected dmg.

Lastly, Mercedes. Now, the only time I used Mercedes was in the first few days of playing epic seven before I replaced her and never looked back.

Her S1 now increases her CR by 15% which is neat. Her s2 now also has a 70 chance to dispel one buff and if she has increased Attack her s2 attacks again. This attack also deals more dmg the fewer enemies there are. Her s3 increases attack of all allies and does more dmg than normal with a critical hit.

Overall, this definitely looks like a buff to result in a stronger Mercedes but I am kinda doubting this will lead to a Meta feasible Mercedes. Maybe the increased dmg and functionality will result in her becoming used more often in RTA or arena, her s2 being able to attack twice and remove one buff from every enemy each time alongside more dmg overall seems to be good on paper at least.

Two artifacts are getting some changes as well. Merciless Glutton which to my knowledge was a more or less useless artifact so far, is changing to increasing single attack dmg by 16% which is pretty good. And when defeating an enemy with a single attack, it increases the CR of all allies except the caster by 12%. Honestly, this is definitely an improvement and on first glance, I kinda want to give this artifact to Luna. I don't know if I have it, tbh, but if I do, I will definitely try it with Luna. Ravi would also benefit from this. Basically warriors with single target attacks who are on counter sets will benefit the most from this. Okay, upon checking, I do not have this artifact. That's a bummer but good for those who have.

Now, Secret Art Storm Sword is confusing me a bit. It says that the effect to grant increased atk to the caster is 100% but that is only the case if you have max limitbroken the artifact which is definitely not the case for most people. So, I am assuming this will still be the case and the text here just was talking about a max limitbroken artifact.

Or, will it change so that the increased atk will always happen but the value which is increased by limitbreaking the artifact is the CR push?

Either way, the artifact was pretty solid on Celine and I don't think on anyone else and CR push can only help there. I still need like 4 more copies of it to make it actually useful because so far, it rarely triggers.

Overall, not my most wanted units who got overworked but some interesting stuff. Hope this all works out positively. The Violet buff for example has proven to be frustrating since the bugger is everywhere and is dodging like crazy. It's no fun fighting him. He is way better than Riolet now.

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Final Fantasy II Review

Year: 1988

Original Platform: Famicom

Also Available on: GameBoy Advance (Final Fantasy I &II: Dawn of Souls), PlayStation One (Final Fantasy Origins), PSP (Anniversary Edition), Android, iOS. Wii/3DS/Wii U Virtual Consoles and WonderSwan Color releases are only in Japan.

Version I Played: PSP

Synopsis:

Firion, Maria, Guy and Leon are recent orphans from Emperor Palamecia’s attack on the city of Fynn. They are picked up by Minwu, an agent of the rebellion against the Emperor led by Princess Hilda. The orphans wish to join the fight against the Emperor, and so Minwu helps them on missions to foil the Emperor’s plans.

Background:

So, here's where the history of Final Fantasy games gets a little choppy. Final Fantasy II was not initially released in the US, nor outside Japan for that matter. The reason was because the US localization was taking too long and the Super Nintendo was already being developed and on the verge of released. The same thing happened with Final Fantasy III. The US localization for both games were trashed in favor of working on Final Fantasy IV. Square released Final Fantasy IV as Final Fantasy II for Western audiences, so they wouldn't get confused. Final Fantasy V was also unreleased outside of Japan for other reasons, and so Final Fantasy VI became known to Western audiences as Final Fantasy III.

Then when Final Fantasy VII came around they said "Fuck it" and left it numbered like that for Western audiences too.

The real Final Fantasy II wasn't released to Western audiences until 2003 with Final Fantasy Origins for the Playstation One. The real Final Fantasy III wasn't released to Western audiences until the 2006 remake for the Nintendo DS. Final Fantasy V was first released outside Japan as part of the collection in Final Fantasy Anthology for Playstation One in 1999.

Gameplay:

Final Fantasy II is the black sheep of the series. Even though it sold well on its first release, it’s the lowest selling Final Fantasy game to date. This is in part to the gameplay, which sounds great on paper but doesn’t work out well in execution.

Instead of conventional leveling up - meaning you gain experience points (XP) and your stats rise - you raise your skills and stats based on how often you use them. Everybody has the ability to use any weapon or magic spell. But the more you use one certain weapon or certain spell, the more you level it up. For example, I could have Firion use a sword. The more often I make him use a sword, the greater his skill with a sword. If I give him an axe, he will start with a Level 1 axe ability, and not deal as much damage as he would with a sword.

The problems arise in matters of defense and HP. By that logic, the more you get hit, the more your HP grows. This is pretty infuriating because if you want to grind to raise your HP, you fall in danger of dying. To raise defense, you have to equip a shield and get hit. It also really sucks late in the game if you neglect one particular stat that becomes important.

By the time I reached the third act of this game, I was frankly fed up. I just had the sole purpose in mind of finishing the game. The frequent random encounters near the end infuriated me. Not that they were hard, but they used up my resources and I really wanted to end it once and for all.

 However, the game has a nice feature where you can learn key terms and words when talking with people. This helps you remember what to do and where to go next. That part was cool.

Graphics:

Very little had changed between the first and second Final Fantasy games, as you can see.

The same is true for the PSP Anniversary Edition.

The graphics are exactly the same as that of Final Fantasy PSP Anniversary Edition. As such, they feel homogeneous and somewhat uninspired. Once again, they rip the opening FMV sequence from the Playstation One version. Why do they do that? Just give a little extra effort to make it unique. Just a little.

Story:

Final Fantasy II was the first story-driven RPG for the series. It introduced a lot of the trademark elements that the series is known for, like Cid and Chocobos, and so it’s a shame that it wasn't memorable.

Critics bash the story because they compare it to Star Wars from 1977. The plot is similar in that there is a rebellion against an empire and a princess who gets imprisoned inside the empire’s secret weapon of mass destruction. The Emperor even has a right-hand man clad head to toe in armor with a SECRET IDENTITY. While there is no Death Star in Final Fantasy II, there is a massive airship that the Emperor builds to crush the rebellion - the Dreadnought - and Princess Hilda, just like Leia, is taken prisoner there.

But in my opinion, plot parallels should really be the least of your worries. I think the story is a tad bit underrated. Just a tad. Well, the main characters are bland. Firion is a cool name. Other than that, there's nothing to say about them. They are less fleshed out than the secondary characters, which is ironic. I was more interested in any other character than the main cast. Guy (or Gus in some versions) is a stereotypical friendly giant, only saying short phrases or one-word answers. Firion and Maria don't really do much except want to fight for the rebellion. Leon has a story arc that's too quick and convenient.

The secondary characters that you run into are much more interesting – Josef, Minwu, Gordon, Ricard, Leila and Scott. They come and go during certain events and they all have even the slightest ounce of backstory more than the main characters.

The story tapers off after you rescue Princess Hilda. While I won’t spoil anything (though I doubt you’d care but still), there are stupid moments when the Emperor could have easily crushed the rebellion but instead chose a different route. Ultima, the ultimate spell, becomes an important plot device that the heroes seek – and yet it doesn’t end up being effective for the final battle nor is it mentioned again in the story. Overall, Final Fantasy II appears to be the Final Fantasy game with the most plotholes. The strongest part of the story lies in its secondary characters. The game left me wanting more of them instead of playing a group of stereotypical orphans without any personality.

Even though Final Fantasy II has an actual storyline, its predecessor feels much more original despite the fact that it’s more like a series of episodic events. Whether Star Wars was an intentional inspiration or not, it makes sense as a first jab at creating a storyline. It’s simple and tropey.

Music:

Despite Final Fantasy II lurking in the shadows for years, it has good music. The Rebel Army theme is great, especially when you hear it orchestrated in Final Fantasy medleys and the Distant Worlds concert. The final battle with the Emperor has the first true final battle music in the series, and it’s awesome. You can tell Uematsu had fun expanding his repertoire.

Like before, the PSP version adds more tracks and gives a more orchestrated feel.

Notable Theme:

As the chocobos debuted in this game, so did their theme song, which was quite repetitive here. In later games, Uematsu added another stanza of music.

Verdict:

Most likely the worst of the Final Fantasy games. You’re really not missing much if you never play it. It strikes a jarring note in both gameplay and story, like when you play the piano and keep hitting the wrong key.

The PSP version is probably slightly more interesting. Still, I wish they buffed up the story somehow. Why not remake the entire game? There is potential with the characters. Keep your basic elements but just make the story, you know, not boring and stupid.  

Direct Sequel?

Yes. Final Fantasy I & II: Dawn of Souls introduced a second part to the story called Soul of Rebirth. The PSP version also has it. It's dumb. I tried it and for whatever reason it’s very difficult right away and so I lost interest entirely.

[stutterfly]

Love Bytes 06 | Boolean Logic  | KNJ (M)

Last time on Love Bytes 05: Your friends have good intentions when eavesdropping on your first tinder date. When things don’t go exactly as you imagined, there’s comfort to be found elsewhere. A charming gesture takes your breath away and you find yourself dangerously close to crossing a line you’d never thought of before.

Rating: M (Explicit 18+)

Word Count: 12.8K

Series: Love Bytes (6/?)

Genre: F2L, fluff, humor, SLOW BURN, friendship feels, ANGST! pining, sexual tension, smut, Bestfriends!au, CollegeProjessor!Namjoon, S O F T Namjoon, did i mention slow burn??? :)

CW: anxiety, panic attacks, some negative self-talk, dirty talk, teasing, grinding, dry-humping

Pairings: Namjoon x Reader, brot7 masterlist // previous chapter // next chapter

Do not repost.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

It’s been twenty minutes since Seokjin barged into your apartment and started listing all the things you did wrong on your date. You’d be mortified if you hadn’t already dealt with Yoongi earlier in the evening, telling you much of the same. He’d already covered the basics of looking at your date and given you a touching pep talk about knowing your worth. You’d be double mortified if not for the fact that you’re slightly distracted.

Not even thirty seconds before Jin walked in, you’d willingly put Namjoon in a position to grope your tits and it’s been on a relentless loop that surfaces between every other word Jin has to say. Kim Namjoon. Dorky professor? Firewall enforcer? Clumsy bestie? Thorn in your goddamn side? It’s only consuming every bit of brainpower as you wordlessly nod along to Jin’s lecture about the importance of posture in showcasing one’s demeanor.

Namjoon has been sitting across the room with a plate of half-eaten food before him, growing more amused by the tale Jin spins of your disastrous behaviors. He’s blowing everything way out of proportion, but you can’t muster the energy to fight him on it, not when the gears are grinding so hard to form a solid reasoning behind your earlier actions. But every time your eyes gloss over and you replay the scene in your mind, your stomach forms knots that cause you to repeatedly cross your legs over one another. You’ve done it at least three times now and both men have definitely noticed so you’re consciously fighting the urge to repeat the action.

Jin attributes it to your fidgety nature, tying it back to the way you had squirmed under the scrutiny of your date. “Y/N, I don’t think you’re really getting it. I need you to pretend we’re on a date. Here. Namjoon, be the observer.”

“Gladly,” Namjoon replies, happily slurping up a mess of noodles and fixing his gaze on your reaction.

You don’t even bother wasting a glance on the man on the floor as Jin angles his body towards you. He folds a leg over his lap, plants an elbow on the back of the sofa and rests his cheek on his palm as he leans towards you. The famous panty-dropping smoulder makes an appearance and you can’t help but feel a bit flustered by the intensity he brings to the charade. Your shoulders raise like they might shield you from the attack of such a gorgeous face. “Tell me about yourself, Y/N.”

This is torture.

You drum your fingertips on your thighs and look down at them briefly before remembering your conversation with Yoongi. Nervous eyes tear themselves away from the stubble coming in on your kneecap, forcing you to focus on the piercing gaze of Seokjin.

“Well…” you begin, fully intending to let this play out, but freeze once your eyes land on his face. “Why do you look angry? I can’t talk to you when you look like that.”

“What do you mean? Do I really look angry to you?” Jin’s brow sinks even lower towards the bridge of his nose.

Stifling a giggle, you nod and smack your lips. “It’s good practice if I ever go on a date with grumpy cat. So cute, yet so grumpy.”

You boop him on the nose and he swats your hand away. “Are you going to tell me about yourself or continue to dishonor the memory of grumpy cat?”

A sigh passes your lips. “I don’t know what to say,” you finally admit with a wince. “My life is so boring. Like, what am I supposed to say? Hi, I’m Y/N. I work on people’s computers all day and answer boring emails and support calls. In my free time I like getting drunk and laughing at videos of cats falling off of things, playing video games with friends --most of which are men by the way, is that cool?-- and going for walks at sunset.” You pause and let him take that in. “Ooh, or should I be like every generic profile I’ve seen? I like going on adventures! Hanging with friends! Living my best life. I’m an old soul. Here for a good time, not a long time! EL OH EL hit me up on Snapchat.”

The animated nature of your features quickly fades as you slump against the cushions. “I mean and here I thought I was boring as fuck. But Chul comes along and actually proves to me that I can be topped. And not in the yummy dom way.”

Namjoon chokes on a piece of pork and smacks his chest a few times, successfully dislodging it from the back of his throat.

Jin curiously roams his eyes across your face, flickering back and forth between your eyes and lips. “Ah, so... you prefer to be the sub?”

A heat rises to your cheeks and you know answering is a trap, but the longer his question hangs in the air the more flustered you become. “Are-Are you kidding? Like I’m gonna be the sub. You know I have to control everything.”

Lies are easier to tell when they’re coated with a layer of truth, no matter how thin that layer may be.

“True.” Namjoon swallows, the remnants of his cough sputtering from his mouth.

Jin considers your answer for a moment and grins, flashing you his pearly whites. “So you dom then? What’s that like?”

The other man in the room dribbles water onto his shirt at the question. He’s about ready to give up on breathing altogether. Jin knows it, too. That’s what makes this game so much fun.

You drag your teeth across your lip, trying not to think about the implication that Jin is also not a dom. “So! Enough about me. Tell me about yourself, Jin.”

With that, Seokjin snaps his fingers and points at you. “Ding ding ding! We have a winner! People love to talk about themselves. If you’re out of ideas on what to talk about, ask your date something about himself based on whatever random information you have. Give him a chance to impress you. Take me, for example. I am the head chef at Heart & Seoul, where I give everyone a taste of my heart … and soul. Everyone who has ever tried my food says it reminds them of home. You should come by sometime. I’ll make a plate special for you, courtesy of the handsome god of cookery.”

You roll your eyes. “Well, that’s certainly a statement.”

“Ask me about my food!” he prods, nudging you with his elbow. “Don’t you want to know what kind of plate I’d make for you?”

“Jin, I already know your food is good. I don’t need to ask--”

“It’s Barbe-cute,” he blurts, clearly proud of himself.

“You’re so…” You try to finish the thought but start laughing as he breaks into his own windshield-wiper cackle. A defeated half sigh, half grumble follows the trail where your laughter leaves off. “I just feel like this is the worst part, you know? Trying to explain to people who I am and why I matter. It’s like, on one hand, I don’t care! This is awful! And I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. But then… on the other hand… What if they don’t like me? Like Chul? Chul made up his mind the moment he saw me in person. He didn’t like me and I don’t know that there’s anything I could do to change that. I feel so stupid! ‘Cause I’m like, bro, didn’t you see my photos? Didn’t you look at my profile? Like why you gotta be so judgy when we talked all day?”

The man on the couch next to you uses his large hands to anchor the wrists that you’ve unconsciously been waving around during your tirade. “Okay see, this is what I’m talking about. You need to slow down and stop waving your arms whenever you speak. Imagine you’re a sloth. Slooow motions.” He uses his grip to slowly push you back against the cushion. “Relax.”

You puff air out of your lips indignantly. “Jin, I can’t. I’m not wired like a sloth. I’m more of a...a...” You shake your head, unable to find the word you’re searching for.

“Hummingbird,” Namjoon chimes in quietly, rapidly flapping his fingers up and down to mock you.

Jin laughs at the comparison, pushing you back against the seat when you begin to rise. “Oh, little hummingbird. Sit. Stay.”

Your brow furrows and a pout stains your lips as you comply, rigid shoulders resting flush against the couch.

“Good girl,” Namjoon adds with a snicker.

Ignoring the excitement stirring in your belly at the words, you narrow your eyes at him and he clutches his heart. “Oh wow if looks could kill…”

You finally sigh, dragging your hands down your face. “Jin, I get it. I suck at everything.”

“Oh don’t start that,” he scowls, jabbing your knees with a bony finger. “You’re perfectly fine. You may be a mess but you’re actually a very adorable mess.”

“Fuck off.” You wriggle away from his touch, grimacing at the nod of agreement Namjoon sends your way. “Both of you.”

“I mean it.” Jin laughs between words. “You are a delight, Y/N. Just because you have things you need to work on doesn’t make that any less true. And I'm only telling you that you need to work on these things because you are my dear, dear friend. I want to see you succeed and live your best life." He cocks his head to one side and gives Namjoon a pointed look while you're distractedly glowering. "Especially if you're dating another mess of a human, maybe someone even worse than you. Someone has to have manners. You can't both be terrible at everything."

Jin's eyes snap back to your face as he becomes the focus of your deadpan stare. "Thanks for the pep talk.”

A hand clasps your shoulder and the weight of his arm drapes across the expanse of your back. He uses his grip as leverage to press you against his torso as he scoots closer to you. "Oh, it's okay. You just have to stop trying to knock your date out. Just try to focus on that one thing for your next one okay?”

“I kind of don’t want a next one,” you grumble, allowing your cheek to fall against his collarbone. “Not if it has to feel this bad after every time.”

Wisps of his hair tickle the side of your face as he shakes his head close to yours and tightens the hug. “You don’t give up! You can’t give up! Trust me when I say the next will be better!”

You hum a doubtful note against the fabric of his shirt and push him towards the opposite end of the couch. “If you say so.”

“I know so,” he replies matter-of-factly, catching the antsy circles the chopsticks in Namjoon’s hand are drawing in the noodles left on his plate.

Just like that he begins to feel guilty. There’s something going on here, and he can’t quite put his finger on it, but there’s no doubt in his mind that he truly walked in on something he wishes he hadn’t. They’ve all been waiting for him to make a move and now it’s possible that he’s trying. Today was a dud but one thing is certain: it would be so sad to see him lose you to a stranger because he’s too scared to elicit change. Namjoon isn’t going to outright ask him to leave, but it’s written all over his face. Maybe it’s time to let whatever developments have obviously been happening between you two continue.

With a loud sigh and stretch, Seokjin rises from the cushions and makes his way to the door. “Well, I think I’ve made my point. I should get going though. Don’t let this experience bother you too much.”

You spring from the couch and catch the door as he opens it. “I’m fine. Really.”

He shoots you a questioning look but you pull him into a quick hug that allays most of the tension within it. Namjoon unfolds his legs and stands as you exchange goodbyes with Seokjin and usher him out of your apartment with a tired smile.

The door finally closes with a dull thud. Your shoulders deflate with the air in your lungs as you turn the heavy deadbolt. Namjoon’s palms find purchase on the precipice of your shoulders, fingers dipping softly into the crevasse made by your collarbones. You melt back into his touch, throwing your head into his chest when the pleasurable chill of the massage works its way down your spine.

“You don’t have to do that. I’m not that stressed. Really,” you weakly attempt to reason with him, silently wishing he’d never stop. A moan rumbles in your throat, making your brain go numb.

“I know,” he mumbles while continuing the controlled movements of his fingertips. “Fist of Fury sounding good?”

“Mmm, I was thinking about something with more comedy.”

“Way of the Dragon then?” he suggests, gently leading you towards the couch in a slow waddle.

“Please don’t make me watch it in English,” you groan, shuffling in time with his strides. “I don’t think I can take that dub again.”

“Fine, fine. Hold up.” He offers an amused smile as he pushes you towards the sofa as he searches for the DVD in question.

The loss of his touch leaves a chill in its wake and you instinctively pull on the fuzzy blanket scrunched into the gap between cushions. You drape it across your torso and bury your arms underneath just as Namjoon pops the DVD into the xbox below the television. He mindlessly grabs a controller, flicks the lightswitch, and shoves the nearby ottoman with his foot until it’s closing in on the sofa. You react before it can hit your shins.

As he flops onto the cushion beside you, the sensation of your legs brushing against each other has you leaning towards him with a shiver. The startup screen highlights his face as you lift the blanket, offering coverage despite feeling the heat radiating from his body. You just want to feel someone next to you. Much to your surprise, he accepts the offer and huddles in, pressing your bodies close together.

Quelling the shakiness of your exhale, you reach over to grab the controller from his lap. Instead the muscles of his thighs flex as your hand drags across them. You’re already apologizing as you jump in place, retracting your hand as quickly as possible while fumbling to look for the controller. He looks down at your hand and then back up to your face, silently pursing his lips as he drops the controller into your palm.

"Sorry," you mumble again as you navigate through the menus, not daring to peek over at his face.

"Don't worry about it," he whispers, sprawling an arm over the couch cushion behind you. His fingertips lazily tap against the contour of your shoulder, wishing that the t-shirt was smaller, thinner, something that could expose more of your skin beneath the blanket.

You fail to contain the deep inhale that causes your chest to rise and slowly breathe out the nerves constricting your lungs. As you start the movie and set the controller on the armrest, you turn your head to look at him. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he parrots back at you. The warmth of his leg presses into your thigh, serving as a reminder of the wetness between yours.

“About earlier, I…” you trail off, unable to finish the statement. The needy touch-starved thoughts haven’t yet worn off and you curse your brain for letting you taint your friendship with impure thoughts of the man beside you. How could you possibly tell him that you weren’t thinking clearly before when you still want him to touch you, when your pussy clenches any time he pushes his body against you? The familiar sound of the title music fills the silence.

“Don’t worry about it,” he repeats softly. “Let’s just… watch Bruce Lee, hmm?”

His words somehow simultaneously bring you comfort and disappointment. You smile and nod, shifting your attention back to the television, though you can feel the feathery touch of his fingertips flirting with the hem of your sleeve seconds later. As you shift in your seat to relax your head against him, that same touch trails up your shoulder to brush a mess of hair from your neck before settling comfortably in the space between them. You chuckle at the old woman staring down Bruce Lee as your eyelids grow heavy. There’s no way you were even going to make it five minutes in, but you attempt it anyway.

“She lookin’ at him like a snack.” You’re relying on your thirst to keep yourself awake. “I agree.”

Namjoon snorts. “She’s looking at him like she’s gonna call the cops. Are we watching the same movie?”

“My bad. I’m self-inserting for granny,” you murmur, voice growing wearier by the syllable.

“Are you already falling asleep? We can watch it another night if you’re tired.” You can feel his eyes boring into the top of your skull as your eyelashes flutter against his chest.

“No,” you argue weakly, not bothering to lift your head to meet his gaze.

“I can feel you closing your eyes.”

“No,” you say again with a slight shake of your head that doubles as an excuse to nuzzle into the warmth of his chest.

“So if I took my phone out right now and snapped a pic, your eyes wouldn’t be closed?”

“Nope.”

“Not nice to lie,” he teases softly, smoothing the hair back from your forehead.

“Shhh, don’t talk during movies. You’re missing the part with the soups.”

He cradles your head with a scoff, resisting the urge to impart a goodnight kiss to the top of it as you obviously doze off. Your arm falls into his lap with the sound of a dull ‘pat’. Immediately his hand carefully draws yours away from the danger zone and sets it loosely over his. The gentle twitch of your digits against his palm beckon him to lace your fingers together. Butterflies wrack their way through his stomach and he soon complies, giving your hand a gentle squeeze as he does so.

Do you realize what you do to him? Probably not. Being here feels like walking a tightrope that he keeps wobbling back and forth on. But leaving would kill the adrenalin rush and leave him with nothing. He’d take the highwire any day if it meant there was a chance you could be waiting on the other side.

He’s determined to make it further into the movie, and he has every intention of nudging you awake, but not even five minutes later his eyelids droop and his neck bends back over the top cushion.

Just a few minutes. I’ll wake her up in a few minutes.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

The change in volume from the end credits to the top menu of the DVD catapults you from slumber. You groan as you crane your stiff neck up towards the open-mouthed, snoring man whose warm chest you’ve been napping on. The grin creeping across your face threatens to break into a giggle, but you muzzle the sound before it can leave your throat.

The haze of sleep still clouds your mind and as your eyes travel up the dark skin that stretches up to his jaw, empty cravings for intimacy permeate the fog. Your head lolls back down and you scrunch your cheek against the base of his throat with a shaky exhale before turning towards him. You skim your lips over the muscles in his neck, shivering at the thought of pressing down. Pushing away the growing urge to suction your mouth down on his flesh, you lightly tap the side of his cheek. “Joonie.”

He groans loudly as he lifts his head off the cushion, but offers no other words of acknowledgement. Discomfort spreads across his features, brow knotting as he palms the back of his sore neck. His other hand firmly wraps itself around your knuckles, subconsciously dragging your palm across his lap as he stretches his limbs out. Heavy arms come back down and constrict you in a sleepy hug; the comfort it brings threatens to take you back into the world of slumber, but you shake off the impulse to close your eyes again.

“I’m gonna go to bed,” you announce softly against his white t-shirt, basking in the warmth of his embrace.

He peers down at you through dark, half-lidded eyes and struggles to bring a response to the forefront of his mind. You trace your fingers along the contours of his jaw, causing him to lean into your sleepy caress. Before you can register the movement, his lips graze the precipice of your forehead and your stomach lurches into a somersault at the sensation. Wait. Did he just...?

The bubble of his dream-state finally pops. Suddenly everything feels too real. His eyes widen and his heart drops, desperately wishing he could awaken from this moment panting and sweating within the confines of his bedroom. Is there a chance you’re not aware of his embarrassing mistake? He pulls back and the sharp sound of his lips smacking together awkwardly fills the room as the menu loop resets.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, abashed features straining to look anywhere else. “I’m gonna go.” He shifts uncomfortably, wriggling out from beneath your form, but your fingers reach out and curl around the solid mass of his forearm.

“Stay,” you whisper. “Please?”

You can’t fight the way your heart is pounding, desperate to feel the tickle of butterflies in your stomach at least one more time, to find your hand enveloped in his warm, comforting grasp. Deep, dark eyes settle on yours, searching for any excuse to decline such a tempting offer. When he comes up empty, you also find yourself at a loss for words and you shake your head, trying to come up with some explanation for the blurry lines you’ve been drawing all over your friendship with him.

You rationalize that it’s not crazy to find comfort in the arms of a good friend. How many times has Jennie kissed your forehead without meaning anything by it? How many times have you held hands with her and platonically snuggled up together? Is it really so different now that Namjoon is the one beside you?

Your mind flashes back to the moments leading up to Seokjin’s arrival. You were the one to guide him towards you. Your lips never touched, and you refuse to accept the fraction of your brain that screams of its disappointment. The fact that you got close enough to expose the possibility of Namjoon as a makeout partner is a thought you’re struggling to bury. That’s what makes him different. That’s what makes it difficult to let him leave.

You know it’s selfish, but there’s a shred of something that you can’t allow yourself to acknowledge. Until you fill the void of a relationship in your life, or sex at the very least, maybe this is exactly what you need. It’s harmless, really. Just a comforting snuggle buddy. It’s harmless... right? You ask yourself again, the echo of his heavy breaths fresh in your mind. The memory plays again: one hand clasps around his neck and pulls him down towards you, the other guiding him teasingly towards the lace of your bra as your noses brush against each other; it’s enough to set your cheeks on fire but not enough to retract the offer.

“Don’t leave. Please, just… Just lay with me again?” you plead quietly. Could you sound more pathetic? There’s never been a more appropriate time to wish you were built like a computer, or at least something you could flush the short term memory from, but here you are: painfully human and seeking complacency.

You keep your eyes fixed on him as you rise, his expression never falling into the expected air of pity. Shock. Confusion. Maybe even relief. But never the pity you anticipate. The television coats his features with a soft glow and your shoulders instinctively relax as his smile molds shadowed dimples along either side of his mouth. The word of affirmation that escapes him is barely audible over the sound of the tv.

The room grows dark and silent all too fast as you tap the power button on the back of the screen. Warmth radiates from his hand as it trails down your arm, finally twining itself between your fingers as he waits for you to lead the way. Of course he’s memorized the steps to your bedroom, but he’s not about to let impatience reveal the alacrity within.

It’s no trouble to navigate in the darkness and you find yourself needlessly tugging him closer. You’re quick to hide your own eagerness under the guise of fatigue, forcing a loud yawn from your mouth as you flop back into the center of the bed. He stumbles forward a bit before catching himself on the soft mattress, quietly climbing onto it as though the weight of his body will shatter its molecular structure.

Tonight the moon is blocked by the clouds in the sky, and the unusual pitch black nature of the room is a little unnerving. It’s easy to imagine shadows moving when you can’t see anything clearly. Before you can burden yourself with unnecessary anxiety, Namjoon’s palms are dipping into the mattress on either side of you, parallel to your waist. You can feel him ascending like a silent panther, closing in on his prey. Stale air hitches in your throat as he hovers above you, a delicately placed knee sinking into the space between your thighs.

The heat from his core sears shameful desire into the surface of your flesh and you attempt to close your legs. The inside of your soft thighs squeeze against the unexpected muscular mass of his, trapping him just below the wetness you’re refusing to acknowledge. It doesn’t take long for you to become keenly aware that if he leans any further up he will be wearing it and you press your legs even tighter together, despite knowing the barrier of muscle between them makes the task impossible.

Your palm reaches up to find his face, curling under his jaw to cup his chin in a playful venture to diffuse the tension in the air. It’s closer than you expect. There’s a strange relief in the realization that he can’t see the way your jaw falls open. That relief quickly dissipates when his plump lips press against the pad of your thumb, causing your sharp inhale to cut through the white noise of the fan nearby.

He laughs softly, breath hitting your skin in puffs as your fingernail scrapes against his upper lip. This position is not exactly ideal, considering the erection beginning to form in his boxers. With one leg trapped between your thighs and the other plunging into the mattress beside you, all it would take is one lazy dip of his pelvis to allow you to feel how you affect him.

“What are you doing?” You find your voice, but it sounds hoarse and foreign, and you make no effort to hide the accusation dripping from your own guilty lips.

“I…” His heart drops to his stomach. What is he doing? The more time that passes leaves the memory of you on the couch feeling increasingly surreal, like a cruel joke originating from a desperate imagination that he’s foolish enough to believe. He squeezes his eyes shut, struggling to think of something that will fix this mess. The rain pattering against the window is soothing and it tries to wash the awkwardness from the air, but it’s not enough.

Then a lightbulb goes off, and his hand is already gently bringing yours down to the mattress. His voice is even, despite the humiliation coursing through him. “I dropped your defenses.”

“You what…?” Before you can contemplate the meaning behind his words, his hand tightens around your wrist, pressing it into the soft mess of blankets beneath you with his full weight. You strain against his grip as he begins playfully jabbing at your waist with his free hand. You scrunch your hips towards your elbow as you swat fervently in the direction of his arm to no avail.

Strong, stubborn fingers poke and prod all of the sensitive spots he’d briefly had the pleasure to acquaint himself with. You do your best to keep the laughter from spilling out, but he isn’t satisfied by the restraint you’re showing. The noises he wrenched from you earlier had been so delicious and he’s desperate to pull more, so he dares to pinch his fingers at the tender crease in your skin between your thigh and hip.

You buck your hips and cry out at the sensation, the fabric of your shorts riding up just enough to grant his fingertips access to the outermost edge of your panties. His eyes roll into the back of his skull for a fraction of a second, reveling in his success. Your hand clamps down on his bicep, nails digging in hard enough to leave marks. He would be hissing and backing off if not for the delectable sound of you stammering out a slew of pleases on repeat.

Are two fingers all it takes to make you beg me? He muses, pleased with the visual he’s created for himself in the darkness. He can feel his cock poking out from the hole in his boxers, sensitive head sliding against the soft fabric of his sweatpants.

“Joonie, please! I’m gonna--” A snort escapes the back of your throat and you choke back a gross fit of giggles as his fingers twitch against the cotton fringe beneath your shorts. “It’s too much!”

Those are definitely a string of phrases he’s going to file away for later. He licks his lips before loudly smacking them, enjoying the fact that you can’t see the devilish smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. “Really? ‘Cause, uh, I don’t feel a thing.”

His thumb and forefinger pinch against your flesh in that same sensitive area, ripping another uncontrollable cackle from you. Even in the darkness, it’s easy to tell that you’ve got tears in your eyes from the way you’re pleading with him. Your clammy fingers slide along the lean muscles in his bicep, tapping him repeatedly as though a referee will appear and save you from his relentless fingers. Your head falls back and you half-bury your face into a pillow to muffle the way you’re howling beneath him.

“Please, please, please,” you beg between pained wheezes, hopelessly bucking your hips up towards his. “I’ll do anything. Please. Please. Please. Please. Namjoon...”

He does his best to avoid your frenzied thrusts, dodging to the left and right to keep his now rock hard dick from touching any part of you. But the breathless way you’re pleading and panting against the pillows has him melting, daring him to grind his aching cock on your hips. His fingers slowly drag a delicate path away from the cotton he’d been trying to build the courage to do something more bold with. They trace invisible teasing lines downward and the abs hidden beneath your soft layers of flesh finally stop contracting. This time the final laugh that escapes you trails off into a breathy moan, body flaring with desire for more contact while simultaneously fatigued from twinging and fighting against his mischievous digits. Namjoon’s form lingers above you in the darkness with your crass groan refusing to leave his eardrums.

Hot breath fans the shell of your ear, his already deep voice somehow dropping an octave lower as the gravel in his throat fights the word bubbling out from it. “Anything...?”

Why does he keep doing that? It’s driving you insane. You don’t think you’ve ever heard his voice take on this tone before tonight, even in jest, and it’s making your ears ring with how hard they’re now straining to take in more of that delicious, gruff whisper. You have no choice but to hold your breath to quiet the exhale that threatens to reveal the lust coating your thoughts.

Just as you’re certain he’s about to drop his weight onto your thigh and expose the wetness soaking through your shorts, Namjoon pulls his head back with a loud contented sigh, flopping down onto the mattress beside you. Maybe he’s just giving you a taste of your own medicine. Can you blame him after all the mixed messages you’ve been sending? You’ve been filling pretty much every conversation with sexual tension lately; it makes sense that he would try to dish some back at you.

In your defense, Tinder hasn’t exactly been the fun, liberating experience you’d been promised by the app’s promotional messaging, and your frustrations are starting to become palpable. Even your vibrator can’t keep up with the rollercoaster highs of your sex drive right now. Poor Joon is just caught in the middle of a very, very bad drought and you’ll be damned if you let your friendship become a casualty of your desire for a little rain.

Coward. The thought reverberates against his skull hard enough to make him shake his head as he props himself up on one elbow.

“Help me hook my laptop to my TV so I can watch movies on the big screen,” he says, cutting through the self-loathing. Knowing you’re glaring at him in the dark, he pauses. “What? You said anything.”

“Just get a Firestick. They make those things specifically for people like you. I don’t need your incompetent ass calling me every time you can’t get it working.”

“You always gotta be rude about everything?” he tuts. “Besides, Firestick ain’t gonna help with what I want to do.”

The conversation allows you to forget the shame dripping out of you and you flip onto your side to more comfortably counter his point. “You can get every YouTube video on the planet on that thing. Not to mention Hulu, Netflix, PrimeVideo… Like, you can get anything you want to watch at the push of a few buttons. Well, everything except…” you trail off, the gears in your head spinning fast enough to come undone.

He swallows, knowing you’re about to call him out. “I don’t need a Firestick,” he reiterates.

Your cheeks flush. Porn. Of course it’s porn. Just another thought you don’t need floating around your head: Namjoon jerkin’ it to whatever weird shit he’s into. Honestly, you’re almost afraid to touch the laptop with how much he’s probably used it for that specific purpose.

“Of course not.” You sigh as your palm pushes him back against the bed, eager to just forget the night and feel the same way you did last week. “You’re gross.”

He huffs at the accusation, even though he admits to himself you’re completely right and doesn’t audibly argue the point. He also doesn’t fight the way you force him down, resting his head against a soft pillow as the weight of yours comes down onto his chest. Instinctually, his arm reaches around you, pulling you closer with his fingers tented against the small of your back. You shiver into his t-shirt, briefly catching the scent of his deodorant before closing your eyes.

“So, that’s a no then?” he asks dejectedly, voice rumbling up through the ear you’ve got pressed to his chest.

You chuckle into him as you nuzzle your face back and forth a few times, reveling in the way it feels to be in such a comfortable position with another person, even if it is Namjoon. “I guess I can do it since you’re indulging me right now... I won’t tell if you don’t?”

His fingertips move down your back to idly play with the band of your shorts, tracing lazy lines across them. You tense, taking all the self control you currently possess to stop from grinding your hips into his thigh.

He hums in response, finally resting his hand respectfully above the fabric of the t-shirt at your waist. “Okay,” he whispers.

You lay together in silence, listening to the increased assault of raindrops at your window. Normally with the fan going like this you’d be feeling chilly and be rushing to pull a blanket over you, but with the heat coming off of him in waves, you’re feeling rather warm, almost sweaty. It feels like the breath in your lungs isn’t enough and you take in a few deep, noticeable inhales and exhales. Your heart is pounding like you just ran some kind of incredible marathon.

“Y/N… You ok?” Even sleepy, you can still hear the concern dripping from his tone.

You take in a couple more hungry breaths. It almost feels like a panic attack sneaking up on you. But why now? You’re not even doing anything worth freaking out about. Is it the stress of the day? Is it the embarrassment?

“Yeah… Just...anxiety...” you manage to pant out weakly, your chest heaving frantically for more air. “I’m sorry."

He fishes for your hand in the darkness, turning his face down towards the top of your head to plant a small, innocent kiss there. “Shhh, shhh, I got you. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I’m sorry,” you say again, trembling fingers gripping his with a sense of urgency, like at a moment’s notice he’ll melt away and you’ll be left alone. “Don’t leave, okay?”

He twines his steady fingers between yours. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. You’re okay. Try to breathe deeply. I’ll be right here.” He starts to inhale loudly, causing your head to rise with each deep fill of his lungs, and fall with his audible exhales.

Over the course of a few minutes, your breathing aligns with his, and you’re even holding at the same moments to help your body relax. When you seem stable, he wants to say something comforting, but simply gives your hand a gentle squeeze once he recognizes the soft snore leaving your mouth.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“Joonie, did you clean your apartment before I came over?” you’re eyeing the spotless nature of his abode suspiciously. “Since when do you not throw your shirts wherever?”

He smiles, pleased with himself as he folds his arms and crosses the room before sinking into the couch. “Since you always complain about it.”

You stare him down incredulously. “It’s just… I’m shocked. It’s so unlike you.”

“What?” He scoffs. “Are you seriously gonna complain now that my place is clean?”

“Hmph. Where’s your laptop?” you question,

He pulls it from the folds in the couch cushion sheepishly. “Hold up.” He’s opening it and typing in the password as you flop down next to him.

“If you seriously left porn on here knowing I was coming over to do this, that’s on you. Gimme. I wanna see what fucked up shit Professor Kim gets off to.”

He tries to cover the screen, but you can still see the raunchy frozen frame beneath his splayed fingers. Your eyebrows raise, taking in the sight of a nude woman’s body straddling a well-endowed man on a black leather couch. It’s tough to push back the smile fighting through your pursed lips. “Couch cowgirl, huh?”

“You know…” He fumbles to close the tab and thrusts the computer into your lap, clearly embarrassed at the thought of you seeing any of that. “I don’t stand over your shoulder judging your porn choices.”

You shake your head and scoff. “What makes you so sure I watch porn?”

“I know you,” he groans, rolling his eyes.

“I’m sorry!” You laugh, beginning to navigate to the display settings. “I’m not judging. It’s just a little more tame than I was expecting.”

“You’re judging,” he declares finitely. “And what the hell are you expecting anyway? What kind of fucked up shit are you into, hmm?”

Your face flushes and you stop typing. He laughs. “See? Just that reaction there tells me you’re one hundred times worse than me. You’re just better at hiding your search history.”

You swallow hard and snap the laptop shut. “Joon, you knew I was coming over to do this today. You had all night to clear out your embarrassing stuff. It’s not my fault you’re a dumbass.”

He starts to quietly interject. “Actually, my IQ is--”

“I don’t care what your IQ is. You’re not goading me into telling you my porn preferences. I’m just here to help you get your laptop hooked up.”

“Is that why you’ve closed it?” he asks with a smirk.

You blink at him a few times. “N-No.”

He laughs again and you can feel your face burning, knowing that he’s pridefully drinking in the sight of your mistake. “Don’t worry. You don’t need to say a thing.” He leans in, closer than you expect and begins speaking in a low, gravelly whisper that freezes you in place. “I already know what you like.”

You do your best to keep your breathing steady, but it quickly turns into a sputtering mess when he cups your chin and trails his index finger down your neck, stopping just above your breast bone. With no effort at all, he guides you down with the press of his finger until you’re laying flat on your back. He steadies himself over you with a strong arm that sinks into the cushion beside your face, effectively boxing you in as he descends.

“You like it when I take control,” he announces, an unfamiliar confidence in his husky tone. “Don’t you?”

At this point, you know your jaw is trembling as it hangs stupidly open. Every word you can think of dies on your tongue as his free hand draws a line beneath your t-shirt, up your belly and teases the lace trim around one of your breasts. You shiver as he drags his fingertips back and forth in the valley between your tits, growing more and more desperate for him to reach beneath one of the cups and take you into his hand. Chest heaving, you turn your gaze away, hoping he will spare you the embarrassment of looking into his eyes with the hunger in yours.

“Yes,” you whisper weakly, knowing he’s got you. If Jimin has been teaching him how to play Chicken, he has taken it to the next level and it’s gone past the point where you think you’re able to willfully extricate yourself from the situation.

His hand shoots up from beneath your shirt to clasp your jaw, forcing your face back into position. “Look at me when you answer.“

You let a tiny moan slip at the rough contact and your eyelids flutter for a moment before meeting his gaze. His eyes are dark and eager, pupils blown out to the size of dinner plates, perfectly set to devour you. You need it now. You need him now.

“Yes…” you whimper. His hand drops like lightning down beneath your bra, molding as much of your tit as his strong grip can manage.

“Fuck yes,” you breathe, clasping your arms around his neck and desperately bringing him down to meet your lips.

He moans into your mouth as he comes crashing down, greedily sucking the air from your lungs with every last taste he imparts. The hand that had been supporting his weight tangles itself in your hair as you buck your hips up into him, thirsty for more of whatever he’ll give you. The rocking passage of your hips causes him to mirror the motion, grinding his thigh deliciously up against your clit. You mouth falls open with the need to take in air at the sudden friction in your jeans. He uses the opportunity to slip his himself past the barrier of your teeth and deep into your mouth, gliding his tongue across the surface of your own.

While this has never been a thought that’s crossed your mind in the past, you can’t imagine not knowing his taste. And yet when you try to describe it and pin down his delectable nature, it slips away. Your lips crash harder around his, hopelessly searching for the moment that your thirst will be quenched and never finding it. You want him more than you ever thought possible, in any way possible. It’s like he’s everywhere and nowhere at the same time, flooding all of your senses with a ravenous need that refuses to fade, even as you drink him in again and again.

As he pinches a pebbled nipple between his fingers, you whine through a gasp and fight to bite at his bottom lip, sucking it through your teeth. You hold him in place long enough for him to prop himself up on the couch and move back. Like hell if you were going to let him have all the power.

“Please,” he groans through gritted teeth, sounding incredibly vulnerable. It’s like music to your ears. You drag your teeth over his lip slowly one last time before letting it snap back to him.

With an ease you’re not used to, you’re able to push him back and sit up, carefully untangling your legs and rising from the couch. He’s about to pull you back towards him when you point to the middle of the couch. “Sit there.”

His adam’s apple bobs a few times, dark hunger never leaving the spark in his eyes as he positions himself as instructed. Clasping the outside of his knees, you force them closer together as you straddle his lap. With your legs spread like this, you can smell how wet and ready your pussy is, so you know damn well that he can too. You should be embarrassed and hiding your face in shame. You should be, but you’re not.

Your fingers knot themselves in his hair as you slowly roll your hips across his lap. Your voice is low and husky, filled with messy impatience. You’re ready to fall apart at his hands if he’d let you, but first you want him to know how it feels. “Is this how you like it, Namjoon? Is this what you want?”

A sharp inhale gives you your answer, but you continue to roll your hips just above his lap, hoping to elicit an erection. He groans as he buries his face into your neck, sliding his hot tongue over a particularly sensitive area and latching himself on. You realize you’re going to buckle quickly under the ecstasy you’re not used to feeling. Feeling reckless and bold, you reach down into his sweatpants, grasping for the cock you know has to be rock solid at this point.

Your hand clumsily slides against the gray band at his waist, unable to even clutch the drawstrings in your haste. The harder you try, the more your fingers seem to tangle in them. Soon you find yourself trapped, unable to move your hands away from the gray material they’ve become encased within. Using the brunt of your shoulder, you force Namjoon off your neck and much to your horror the laughter spilling out of him becomes squeaky like a windshield wiper.

“Wooow!” Jin’s disappointed voice has you breaking out in a cold sweat, frozen as you take in the broad shoulders dressed in Namjoon’s clothes before you. “Are my eyes deceitful like you? How many times have I asked if you had feelings for him? And now I catch you like this? What do you mean, none? I’m sure I asked at least once!”

As you shake the hair from your eyes and try to break free, the horror intensifies as the man before you morphs into a giggling Hoseok.

“Tsk-tsk-tsk. Dirty girl,” he chides, bringing his arms around your neck. “How long has it been? Have you forgotten how? I can help you remember if you want.”

You shut your eyes, trying to wish the temptuous voice away, but when you open them it’s now Jungkook staring at you, cackling. “Showing him your tits wasn’t enough, noona? You want him to touch you too?”

He tuts as he leans forward, and you begin to slide from his lap, which seems to be growing larger and steeper by the second. You’re desperately trying to get your hands free so you don’t fall, but it’s no use; you can feel yourself slipping away.

“Oh, are you stuck?” His obnoxious guffaw echoes into the darkness encroaching the apartment. “Well, since I’m a nice guy, let me help you with that. I’m really good with straps.”

He stands and you feel yourself fall, but he catches you by your bound hands, causing your elbows to knock against your head. You feel about 2 feet tall in his clutches as he suspends you in the air with one hand. The other starts pulling on the tangle of gray drawstrings, causing your body to twist in his grasp. With a sharp tug, he has you completely unraveling in a dizzy haze. You clamp your eyes shut again to avoid the vertigo jeopardizing the stability of your stomach contents.

You hang in Jungkook’s grasp, his cackle reverberating through your skull as you feel a gentle breeze caressing your body. As you open your eyes and look down, you realize you’re completely naked, and as you fight against his hold, your body spins. You’re face to face with Taehyung, his eyes cold and calculating as they roam across your body, searching for imperfections. He cocks his head to the side, wearing an expression of granite as his eyes slowly, painfully ascend your exposed flesh.

He blinks at you a few times before breaking into a boxy smile. “Wow. I’m glad we kept your clothes on.”

As you recover from the sting of his words, you fight against Jungkook’s grasp and attempt to swipe at Taehyung’s gorgeous face. As he leans back, his visage morphs into Yoongi, who stands there looking perplexed by your current predicament.

“Hobi’s right. You are easy, aren’t you?” He quirks an eyebrow and turns away, his form evaporating into the darkness.

Again you fight against the man holding you in place. This time you fall, but you land softly against a couch cushion with the cheshire grin of Jimin looming over you.

“Oh, Y/N… You went home with Namjoon-hyung, hmm? I thought you liked me?” His smile quickly falls into a rare scowl, all traces of mirth absent in his stone gaze. The jealous venom biting in his tone causes you to wince. “It’s fine. I have better options.”

“I know,” you whisper, closing your eyes and allowing the tears to fall, attempting to descend further into the cushion.

Your body congeals into the cushion, slowly melting through it and sending you hurling into the darkness. Your knees hit a hard surface with a loud crack, but it doesn’t hurt. Nothing hurts like the words in your head. You know they’re right.

A spotlight appears over you, drawing attention to your lack of clothing and you clutch your knees to your chest to cover yourself as best you can. As you look around for an exit, you notice a mirror running along the wall behind you, taller than you can even fathom. Quick to disregard the sight of yourself, you turn around and there’s another one waiting ahead of you. Glancing around the room again yields dozens and dozens of mirrors in every direction. There’s nowhere you can even pretend to hide.

So you stand, tears stinging your eyes from the heartbreak of the truths you keep telling yourself. You shuffle over to the nearest mirror, feeling like your feet are sinking into sand and unable to fully rise with each step. Your reflection stares back at you: tired, cold, tear-stricken. You exhale and shove at the glass, unhappy with the person you see staring back at you. Instead of shattering or at least cracking like you expect, the glass bends in and bounces back, forcefully sending you into the mirror behind you. Your back lands against the hard surface and you slide down, allowing yourself to just sit and cry.

As you hug your knees close to your chest again, a fuzzy warmth envelops you. Clutching at the soft blanket that covers your body, you look up to see Namjoon’s dimpled smile starting back at you. He lowers himself to his knees and embraces you from behind, arms cradling you, lulling you into a place of comfort. It’s only when you stare ahead again that you can see the smile now gracing your own features.

He always finds a way to help, doesn’t he? With a contented sigh, you turn your body to gently bring your lips to meet his. The warmth of his body floods yours once more.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You awaken to your lips pressed against something hard. Your eyelids flutter a few times and you can just barely make out the shape of Namjoon’s arm pressing into your cheek. You must have rolled away from him in your sleep. Thank God. The sweat that trickles down your neck somehow runs cold and you shiver, tugging at the blanket covering your shoulders that was definitely not there when you closed your eyes. With a few deep breaths, you attempt to calm your heartbeat. You’re in your room. None of that was real. You’re safe.

Gently wiping your saliva from his forearm, you carefully shift your weight and turn your body to face him. Thankfully, he appears to still be sleeping, half tucked beneath the same blanket. What do you know? Even the human heater must get chilly sometimes.

Your heart still pounds wildly against your ribcage; it’s so loud that you’re almost afraid the sound will rouse him from slumber, but he lays peacefully beside you. There’s a hint of moonlight breaking through the clouds, and it casts just enough light to illustrate how angelic his features look while reposed. With the dream still fresh in your mind, you feel the need to reach out and make sure this is real. 

Your hand gently glides through his hair before cupping his cheek and stroking it with your thumb. You catch yourself wondering how you might explain the action, should he awaken at this moment. For now, all that matters is the tranquility the subtle movement provides; it coaxes you into security. As your heartbeat calms, you rest your head on his chest. There’s a dull thumping that you can feel beneath your palm and you swear time stills as you lose yourself in its soothing cadence. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Sunshine can’t seem to clear the clouds enough to illuminate the room. It still feels like it could be too early to rise, but the sound of birds chirping over the soft patter of rain lets you know that it’s later than you might believe. You blink a few times, irritated that you’re rising at all on a Saturday morning when you could be sleeping the day away. It’s not like you have anything planned. As you stretch your spine straight up, a pair of lean, muscular arms constrict your chest and waist, lazily pulling you back into a prime spooning position. 

You lightly massage the pair of forearms pinning you in place with oblivious fingertips. That’s right. Joonie’s still here.

He’s careful to keep your form from his pelvis, knowing that it wouldn’t take much for you to feel the stiff bulge tucked into the band of his sweatpants. Whatever alternate dimension he’d stumbled into last night had given plenty of fuel for his fantasies: your moans, your touch, and kiss you had nearly shared. 

But with the gray fragments of daybreak twinkling through the blinds, reality has to kick in at some point. He knows there’s no way you would pass up the opportunity to make fun of him should you feel even the tip at your back. Now’s not the time to tempt the luck of the universe, not when he has you like this.

You do your best to ignore the blush creeping across your cheeks as you settle in, lacing your fingers with a firm squeeze to his. He lifts his head and sleepily sets it in the crook of your neck, hot breath fanning the surface of your skin and giving you new chills with each exhale. "Morning, Geeksquad."

You hum in response, leaning back into the sensation. He breathes deeply, taking in the subtle mingling scents that linger on your form: the hint of lilac conditioner in your hair, the traces of moisturizer on your skin, the remnants of perfume spritzed some time ago, and the fragrance he can’t place as anything other than “you.” He could stay here for hours just breathing you in, trying to figure it out, but any description would fall short of capturing its perfection.

The tickle of his breath at your neck causes to you shake your head against the pillow a few times, attempting to hide the smile curling the corners of your mouth. You’re content with the scene staying as it is and you’re almost relaxed enough to drift back to sleep when the ceiling above you allows the first long creak to break through the quiet of your bedroom. Then another. And another. Soon there’s a steady familiar squeaking of the bed frame in the apartment above. An awkward silence falls between you both, but quickly fills with a rhythmic squeaking.

It was too much to hope that the noisy neighbors could put off their sexcapades until you weren’t in a compromising position with a friend. You side-eye the light fixture above you as it rattles in time with the sound of the headboard now hitting the wall. You know from experience that the noises will dull in time, but it doesn’t make right now any better.

Just as you’re about to say something, there’s a slew of loud “yes”es that cut through the room. Not daring to look back at Namjoon now, you scrunch your face into a grimace and silently pray for the bed to fall through the ceiling and crush you. Neither of you are willing to say anything, either embarrassed or enthralled by the lewd visions plaguing you as a result of the sounds above.

While you can't recall the most recent dream to grace your subconscious, an encore of the previous one pervades your thoughts. The image of Namjoon feeling you up as you make out like a couple of horny teenagers has you squeezing your thighs together and tensing your body against him. 

Desire charts a course from your brain straight down to your pussy, the noises descending from the ceiling only serving to heighten the fantasy. The thought of him cupping your tits and pulling you back into his chest creeps into your mind with every second you spend tucked beneath his arms.

You bite your lip and stretch again, this time purposefully nudging your ass into him with a forced yawn. Even through a heavy knit layer of cotton, you feel the hard shape that butts up against you. A soft, sleepy groan croaks out from the base of his throat, which only allows the perverse reverie to further take over. 

Dropping his forehead against you, a heavy, tight-lipped grumble sends vibrations up your neck. This, combined with the creaking bed frame and muffled moans from above, sends a hot, prickly wave of adrenaline surging through you. A restrained puff of air forces its way through his nostrils as his nose sweeps against the sensitive spot at the base of your neck.

Your pussy clenches at the sound of his weakness, like the gravitational pull of your soaking cunt can draw in his cock if those muscles deep inside can contract hard enough. You're hyper aware of the way your shorts are riding up, removing that extra barrier between you both, but you're too worked up at this point to care. 

You reach back, wordlessly carding your fingers through his hair. The action elicits another faint moan into the flesh of your neck, sending the high of your adrenalin to new heights. Silent, jagged breaths wrack the outline of your chest as he tightens his arm's hold on your waist. 

He makes a fist to keep himself from grabbing your hips, knuckles trembling against your belly and clearly struggling to keep things PG. But you're not having it, not after the dreams that have plagued you and the filthy things running through your mind. Hoping to lure another lewd sound from him, you wiggle your hips and shimmy your shoulders to provide the cover that perhaps you're trying to get comfortable. His fist opens and desperate fingers sink into the flesh beneath your t-shirt.

It's not a request, but a harsh demand in the form of a whisper against the shell of your ear that leaves you absolutely quaking beneath him. "You don't want to keep doing that."

The subdued whimper crawling up your throat nearly dies behind pursed lips before transforming into a pleased hum. Your hips seem to have a mind of their own, rising to challenge what may or may not be a bluff, and slowly grind back into the erection firmly planted at your backside. You're too enticed by the possibility of a gratifying answer to stop the word falling from your mouth. "Why?"

That definitely came out brattier than intended. A swarm of angry butterflies pump their way through your system. Their fluttering clogs the path to your brain that tends to lean towards subtlety. Dull fingernails dig into the skin at your hip and shoulder tight enough to leave marks. His hips thrust forward for the first time, slowly dragging the mass of his cock up your ass and then back down in delicious, languid strokes.

You hold back the moan building in your throat and a sharp sigh chokes its way past your lips instead. The subsequent needy, ragged inhales fill the space around you. Your back arches while your hips remain in place, causing your chest to rise as you knot your fingers in his hair. When you throw your head back and close your eyes, he bites his lip to quell the urge to pepper kisses along your exposed neck. His restraint is admirable, but the toll it takes on him is palpable at this point.

“I think you know why,” he accuses in a low whisper, dropping his forehead against you again and halting the stroke of his hips.

“I won’t tell… if you don’t,” you promise, your chest about ready to cave in on itself from the amount of pressure his arm is now squeezing into it.

Feeling brave, you offer one more subtle roll of your hips, tempting him to follow the provocative pattern. Now he’s the one who tenses. He’s still, holding his breath for just a moment in disbelief as the dull sound of the lovers above cut through the air. Then you feel the sliding of his palm across your abdomen and a greedy exhale at your ear. Fingers dig into your flesh, holding you in place as he answers your unspoken question with gentle rock of his hips. You respond with hungry need, clasping your hands over both of his as the rhythm of your bodies begin to sync.

He lets you lead the campaign to your mutual destruction. If this is hell then he’s happy to be the fiery tide at the back of a devil disguised as a moon goddess. His hips ebb and flow against whatever pace you set as you listen to the lovers upstairs and soon you find yourself wishing for more. You feel as though at any given moment his cock is going to spring free and rub against the meat of your ass-- and you're ashamed to admit that you couldn't be more turned on by the thought. 

His fingers start to tease the band of your shorts as he rocks himself against your ass, savoring the way you’re panting. He slows his pace without realizing as he drifts into his own fucked-out daydream. It becomes clear you’re at his mercy when you whimper his name at his unintentionally lazy thrusts. The tides have turned.

You’re definitely about to say something you might regret --as if you didn’t have enough of that going on already. Your dripping cunt urges you to beg, to plead with him to go farther. You’ll set up as much porn on his TV as he wants. But right now, you want to be touched so badly you feel like you’re going to explode. “Please.”

What he wouldn’t give to hear you say that again. He hooks a finger beneath the fabric at your waist and dips his tongue out to wet his lips, which deliberately skims your neck. This time you moan and he finds himself echoing the sentiment as he decides he’s going to take his time with you and pull out as many “please”s as you’ll give him. 

You jump when your cellphone’s ringtone cuts through the room. He holds back the sob building in his throat, leaving only choked air in its wake. It’s suddenly clear to you that the only other sounds in the room are both of your labored breaths. You strain to reach out towards the nightstand and Namjoon’s arms reluctantly give way to your movement. He immediately rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling in disbelief as you fumble to swipe at the screen.

“Why do you do this to me?” he whispers to himself, and rolls away from you to contemplate the meaning of life.

“H-Hello?”

“What uuuuup, bitch." Jennie’s voice is loud and carries through the receiver even though the volume isn’t at its highest setting. 

You wince, trying to shake the lingering nerves from your voice. “Heeeeey, Jennie.” You stumble through a few incoherent syllables. “A-Are you back?”

“You sound guilty. What are you doing?”

“I wasn’t doing anything, Jennie,” you scoff.

“Doesn’t sound like it. Oh, did you go have a rebound bang after that shitty date yesterday?” she asks excitedly.

“What? No! I was just minding my own business. Relaxing.” You swallow, sparing a glance at Namjoon. “Alone.” 

He raises his eyebrows at you and your roll your eyes, mouthing the word ‘what.’

“Okay, okay! I got it. I don’t need to hear about how great your vibrator is again. I get actual sex from actual real people, Y/N.”

Your mouth falls open and you cringe at her statement, tearing your eyes off of Namjoon’s giggling form. He folds his arm over his face to hide his laughter, but from the corner of your eye you can still see his body convulsing.

“You know what!” You shriek, rising from the bed and scurrying out of the room as fast as possible. “I don’t need this. Is there a reason you called?”

“Obviously you don’t check your email. I’m on my way back but Taehyung stopped by and asked me to retouch those photos he took.”

“Taehyung drove all the way there to ask you that?”

“He was apparently out this way for a gallery or something. I don’t know. He stopped by with a flash drive and asked me to work my magic aaaand ta-daaa. Well. Open your email. It works better if you can actually see what I’m ta-daing about.”

You swallow, putting her on speaker as you open the mail icon on your phone. Sure enough, there’s an email from Jennie with several attachments. Your eyes skim along the text in the body of the email and settle on the photos below. Holy shit.

“Well? What do you think? Pretty good right? I mean I haven’t touched them all but Tae and I picked out what we thought were the best of the best for your profile. He liked the artsier looking ones, but I said hey man, sex sells. And it does, Y/N. So sell that shit. Put em up, get some matches! Oh and don’t worry I didn’t use any liquify shit to make you look thinner or anything. I just focused on accentuating your natural beauty and fixing the lighting with some adjustments to levels and curves, maybe a few color balance filters. Honestly though, Tae knows what he’s doing with a camera and I didn’t have to do much for most of them. Some cropping and smoothing out wrinkles in the backdrop to make it look more like a real beach. Adding some plants in places for dimension.”

You stand there staring at the photos, quietly taking in just how gorgeous the pair have made you look in each one. “Honestly they look so good. But this is so much work for my stupid profile,” you mumble as you scroll through, admiring the images that you still can’t believe are you.

“Y/N, sweetie. I love you. You’re a catch and I can’t wait to see you find the person who will appreciate and love you even half as much as I do. But you need to get laid. Badly. Right now you’d probably fuck anything that moves. I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me you banged that meathead Jungkook. Even though we both know he’s a fuckboy. Totally pump-and-dump type. One hundred percent not boyfriend material. Not even worth the trouble of a fuck, honestly. But you know we on about those arms… I’m pretty sure he’s the only person we know that could actually do your fantasy of being fucked against a wall and, like, not even be tired from holding you up...” she trails off, lost in her own thoughts. 

The words don’t embarrass you, even if Namjoon can hear them; you’re too distracted to find yourself even remotely fazed. You’re too lost in the work they’ve presented here, too shocked to say much of anything because of how excellent a job they’ve done. Can this really be you? Is this what you look like on a good day?

Namjoon listens in, taking this opportunity to inspect his own arms. He flexes the scrawny muscle in his bicep, trying to will it to grow bigger with a glare. His head snaps up. Your fantasy. She said ‘your fantasy.’ Is that really what you like? 

He looks back down at his muscles, entertaining the possibility of such a scenario. It seems challenging, but not impossible, considering he’d half-carried you up three flights of stairs not too long ago. Then again, that’s a little different than holding someone up while thrusting into them and not giving a sloppy performance. What a fucking thought. Restraining the urge to palm himself over his sweats, he brings a curled finger to his lips in contemplation while eavesdropping on the rest of the conversation you don’t seem interested in hiding.

“And because you fucking suck at selling yourself, this is the easiest way to you get there. You get the sex out of your system and then you find mister right --or misses right; I don’t judge!”

You sigh, knowing she’s the one with experience. Jennie has a new prospect every week, but she knows how to utilize others’ infatuation to her advantage, get what she wants, and discard them as she sees fit. And she does it so effortlessly that you can’t help but envy her. She would know better than you could ever hope to.

“Thank you, Jennie. Really. I-I’m so grateful. Just… thank you. I’ll put these up and see if I get any hits.”

“Don’t get sappy on me, Y/N. It’s no big deal. Dudes are gonna be lining up to get in that pussy, babe. Don’t even worry ‘bout it, ‘kay? Love you bitch.”

“Love you…” The call ends and you wander thoughtlessly back into the bedroom.

Namjoon’s shit eating grin says everything that he doesn’t, but you settle into bed beside him and choose to ignore the look he’s giving you in favor of scrolling through the images again, completely disregarding the way you two were previously dry-humping to the sounds of your neighbors going at it. Namjoon’s frustrated sigh lets you know he hasn’t forgotten.

“Apparently Taehyung and Jennie worked on these together,” you say, pulling up the first one to show him. “Do you…” You hesitate, suddenly feeling shy and you nervously on your earlobe. “Do you think this is okay? Like am I lying to people if I put these up? I feel like they’re too good. I feel like they’ll expect this all the time and I don’t think that’s really fair.”

Namjoon’s eyes soften as he takes the phone from your palm. He licks his lips as he scans the details in the photo: the curve of your smile, the sweetness in your eyes, the way your head coyly rests upon your shoulder. You’re beautiful, as always. Makeup doesn’t really change that. But your smile radiates positivity and light in this particular instance; you’re practically glowing.

You twiddle your fingers together as you wait for the verdict, unable to read his stoic expression. “Well?”

His eyes roam from your face down to the photo a few times and he cracks a smile. “I think you need to stop worrying. I don’t see a difference.”

Your eyebrows furrow. “Don’t you think I look too… good there?”

He mirrors your confused expression. “I think you look as good as you always do.” He catches himself when your confusion turns into bashfulness. “You know, for a nerd.”

You scoff and roll your eyes at the short lived compliment before propping your head up on his chest. Your finger pokes the screen, swiping across the images one by one and taking some time to review them with him. Not a single insult passes his lips. There’s nothing but praise spilling from him, finding something unique and genuine to compliment you on with each photo. He must sense your insecurity because he pauses each time and reminds you that he’s not being paid to say nice things. You silently thank him for at least trying to build you up. Surprisingly, it helps.

“I guess I’m using them then,” you sigh in defeat, rolling away from him as you take the phone back. You’re already downloading the photos so you can set them to your profile.

Namjoon rises at the opportunity, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach at the thought of you actually finding someone. Because Jennie is right. With photos that actually do your beauty justice, people will be flocking to you in droves. It seems too real now that you’re eagerly putting them on there. “Tinder won’t know what hit ‘em,” he says dejectedly. 

You’re too distracted to properly catch the disappointment in his tone. “I hope so.”

“Hey... I’m gonna go, Geeksquad. I just remembered I made plans with some of the guys and I want to make sure I run all my errands ahead of time.”

You hum a note of approval and almost miss the way his face twists in anxiety because as you look up, he transforms his stress into a soft smile. Still, you see just enough to know you’re being a rude bitch right now and it’s bothering him.

“I’m sorry.” You drop the phone and cross the room, pulling him into a tight embrace. “Thank you for staying with me, Joonie. I… really appreciate you. I’m a mess and you always take care of me. So thank you. For real.”

“I know, Geeksquad.” He strokes your head a couple times before taking a few steps back. It hurts too much to say what’s on his mind. 

“And, um… before Jennie called I…” You lock eyes and you mouth the words you wish to say, but they don’t come as you want them to, “just got caught in the moment. I’m sorry.”

He blinks at you a few times before vigorously nodding. “Yeah.” He clears his throat after hearing the crack in his own voice, bringing it a few octaves deeper to protect his ego. “Yeah, uh, me too. Don’t even worry about it, okay? I’ll, uh, I’ll text you when I know what we’re doing.”

You nod enthusiastically, a grin spreading across your face. “Okay!”

With that, he disappears and you hear the unlocking of your door and the soft click when it closes behind him. Picking your phone up from the bed, you struggle with setting the order of the photos. You save and resave different combinations for about 10 minutes until a notification blocks your screen. You’ve got a match.

[thewhitefluffyhat]

Gameplay

What is this review?

<-Previous (Sound)

The biggest problem with Magia Record is that it’s a gacha game.  The biggest problem with gacha games is that they’re awful, soul-sucking trash that lock missable content behind randomized, exploitative, and absurdly expensive microtransactions.

Thus, while, Magia Record could be quite a bit worse than it currently is, it’s definitely not a good game by any metric of ethical game design.  Effectively, it gets an F by default, so comparing it to non-dumpsterfire-genre videogames is rather futile.  Either you’re willing to deal with the devil that is gacha or you’re a smart person who avoids them.

A more useful comparison is how Magia Record holds up amid its peers, so that’s the angle I’m taking here.

Good

Rares not necessary

While there are some units that definitely make the challenging battles easier, the game’s story missions are never locked behind a difficulty barrier that effectively requires you to have a limited or rare character.  

Eventually, some of the lower rarity characters get updates which make them competitive with the highest rarity units.  There are also quite a few “free” characters that can be obtained in ways that don’t require gacha rolls or premium currency.

Best of all, literally every character can be usable and even useful if you want them to be.  And yes, that includes the common 2-stars and even the joke characters!  It’s a game that very much encourages you to play with whatever magical girls are your favorites.

UI

Convenience features are plentiful and significantly help alleviate the tedious parts of the grindy gacha game experience.  In particular, there’s not just an auto-battle feature, but you can also set different aspects of your team’s AI and run the battles at 2x speed.  Memoria (equip item) management originally started out a little difficult and unwieldy, but became easier with each new tweak to the system, to the point where it’s quite smooth on the current Japanese version.

In general, the UI is excellent.  I wouldn’t usually consider this a notable feature, but when it’s simple to remember and navigate a game even in a different language, that’s pretty good.

Mixed

Mirrors

“Endless Mirrors” is the name of the game’s asynchronous player vs. player combat system.

So yes, the bad news is that there is a player vs. player combat system, and you need to play it to unlock some story content.  Since this is a gacha game with fancy powerful rare characters, of course this mode (and the occasional player vs. player ranking tournaments) are pay-to-win by their very nature.

Thankfully, even if you don’t have the best units, it doesn’t actually matter besides bragging points.  Scoring high in the tournaments, for example, only gives you a badge on your profile.  But even losing battles will still net you some of the associated currency and slightly increase your progress to the next story unlock.  

And, as mentioned above, several common units are able to hold their own in this mode.  Thus, paying makes winning easier, but you don’t actually need to pay to have a pretty respectable win ratio or tournament rank.

Overall Gameplay

The basic battle mechanics are easy to learn, but still have some strategic depth to them.   Optimizing team synergies isn’t necessary in anything but player vs. player combat, but can be fun - the interplay between stats, elements, equipped effects, and other mechanics makes team building quite satisfying when you figure out a winning combination with the units you want.

Where this falls down is the sheer amount of grinding required to progress.  The convenience features mentioned above help, but there’s no getting around how the game expects you to spend hours and hours using auto-battle to farm event currency and rare material drops.  Figuring out a good team setup for a battle is only a fraction of the game, far eclipsed by mindlessly repeating that same battle over and over while you hopefully multitask with something else.

If the grinding is the lowest gameplay point, though, the Connect mechanic is probably one of the highest.  Using a “Connect” allow one character to boost a teammate, and the rare character-to-character specific bonuses are a nice bit of gameplay and story integration I wish the game used more.  Unfortunately, other than that...

Bad

There’s little relation between story and gameplay

The first major gameplay disappointment for me is that Magia Record’s story is decent, and Magia Record’s battle system is decent, but the two only have a passing relation to each other.  The game’s actual mechanics do very little to support the story, and vice-versa.

Sometimes this can reach pretty silly levels.  You can defeat story bosses with a team that includes multiple versions of that same character, and that’s just the start.  Your roster of characters does not exist in the story’s world, and in fact would be literally impossible in many cases.

While I consider this scenario better than having gameplay that strongly supported the story but were a chore to play, it’s yet one more missed opportunity in a game full of them.

Gacha Rates and Limited Time Content

The gacha rates are quite bad (1% chance for the highest rarity units), but including a pity counter (the 100th role is guaranteed to be a highest rarity unit) makes it not the worst system out there.

Limited-time character gacha events are present and these events become more frequent as over time, too.  Luckily, most of these characters have gotten at least one rerun, but it’s still a frustrating and manipulative system.

Prices for the premium currency are also ridiculously high, which is to say, I’ve heard they’re roughly the same or a bit higher compared to other games in the genre.  However, you can amass quite a bit of premium currency simply by patiently stockpiling over time.  

That being said, there are also special items (such as a guaranteed chance to pull a random highest rarity character) that even the premium currency won’t let you buy.  Those items can only be bought with paid premium currency, which is definitely not a confusing system at all.

Gacha-locked story content

Compounding the awful that is the gacha mechanics, by far the worst gameplay feature is that you need to obtain a character to get access to their Magical Girl Story.  Since these backstories (and some Event Stories) are both some of the best written content in the game and also sometimes necessary to completely understand everything in the Main Story, this is a bad, bad system.

What makes it even more annoying is that the Main Story-relevant content isn’t even on characters that are easy to get - no, it’s on rares, seasonal event stories, and in some cases, seasonal limited rares that happened half a year before becoming story-relevant.  Ouch.

Youtube and wikis are your friends.

Next (Conclusion) ->

[retphienix]

(Random) Game Recommendations

It’s a new year (or a few days prior as I type this and prepare it for new years) and completely unprompted here’s some game recommendations because I want to mention some games.

No rules really, just some random games I’ve either played for the blog or outside of the blog- heck- it’s not even all games I played this year and it’s definitely not games exclusively released this year.

The last one, for reference, was a little over a year ago on 7/29/2017 with this aiming for new years 2018 into 2019. Also I would change a few things about that due to Bamco not knowing how to stop themselves from ruining a game for microtransaction greedy money grabbing, but I digress.

Hamtaro Ham-Ham’s Unite! for the game boy color

This one is a game from my childhood that I’m so glad I completed through this blog.

If I were to sum it up I’d say it’s a game about learning hamster words and solving simple puzzles (usually making use of these words to interact with characters / the environment) to gather up Hamtaro’s friends for a meeting.

It’s too cute for its own good, it made me shout “THIS IS ON A GAME BOY COLOR” many many times because it looks too good in my opinion and is overflowing with adorable animations, and it’s just makes you feel good.

Ham-Ham’s Unite is a really relaxing and uplifting game, and it certainly left me in a better mood throughout my entire playthrough.

I hear Ham-Ham Heartbreak is even better, so I’ll be keeping that in mind the next time I want to revisit Hamtaro and friends.

Clickpocalypse 2 for android/iOS and apparently even in your browser (news to me)

Yes yes, an idle game. And one I haven’t played in months at that- but then again I haven’t played Hamtaro in a long time as well so I don’t see that as discrediting what I saw in it.

I, usually at least, just don’t enjoy phone games. Not for the bull crap “It’s not real games!” rhetoric, but because as time as gone on phone games have gone further and further from what makes a game good and instead have mostly become manipulative Skinner boxes. Even if they don’t SUCCESSFULLY drain your wallet, heck, even if they don’t have direct monetization and only use ads- they always seem to fail to balance the ‘game’ and the ‘greed’ and you’re left with no game.

You turn it on, play it for a little while, and then you realize you’re almost exclusively being used and you’re not actually getting anything out of the game.

This isn’t an incredible example of directly countering that mentality- it’s just one of a few games I’ve found in the previous years that successfully balance the other way for me at least. I’ll mention another arguably more successful- but inarguably more messy example for the next game.

The reason I mention Clickpocalypse 2 is because, well, it’s a good idle game that hit a very specific aesthetic and enjoyment for me. This is a VERY idle game, you did VERY little- you can’t even “click” to increase speed as the name might suggest. Your input is exclusively “Pick the party. Choose when to use potions or spell scrolls. Equip equipment (it’s simpler than that sounds, it auto lists the best found loot and you tap to equip). Tap to level up when you get the xp etc.

It’s really really hands off- but it felt great to me.

The aesthetic it lands on is classic RPG goodness and the party does as you’d expect, clearing out dungeons and grinding while you check in to equip and level them choosing what skills they learn.

It’s a game I enjoyed because it’s, well, a good idle game. It doesn’t bury you in “You should be tapping this non stop or else” gameplay. It carries enough enjoyable mental tricks like stronger gear and leveling up to make it fun, and the monetization is, well, the most optional thing I’ve seen in a long while.

I’ve played so many games that rely on ads and they all feel highly necessary. This has a similar idea- there are optional ads for buffs like double achievement points (used for permanent buffs across multiple adventures) or tempoary allies- and these are helpful as heck, but man.

Because this is SUCH an idle game, they honestly feel like the most optional ads around. I watched plenty because I enjoyed the game and less because I felt like I needed them in any way.

But there’s not much to say that would convince someone this is a great game. I just think it’s a good idle game for messing around on your phone. It gave me that feeling of watching a friend grind through an old FF game- a very specific feeling, but that’s what I got out of it. A chill idle with a nostalgic feel and the balance of “game” vs “phone bull crap” was tilted heavily towards the game side for me.

Buriedbornes for android

Lord that image is larger than I planned for, my mistake.

Buriedbornes was nothing but a surprise to me. I’ve played a few games I enjoyed on the phone in recent times. Idle Apocalypse and Clickpocalpyse 2 being high up there (not sure how Idle is now, but pre-beta was alright). Even fell into Dokkan for a little while. But this?

I downloaded this because I thought “Oh my god it’s trying to pretend it’s dark souls or bloodborne, what on earth is this.”

And you know what it is?

A REALLY good roguelike with traditional turn based combat!

Like a REALLY good one. It has that feature I adore in good roguelikes where things can seem impossibly difficult, but then you get a couple good drops, you tweak your character to emphasize a certain playstyle, and BOOM! You just beat the entire game in one run deep into the endless mode on a character that seems unkillable due to strategies you built from the drops you found.

And it has the foresight to tell you at a certain point “Score stops at this point so you’re just playing to collect things in your beastiary of items so you might as well stop” along with ways to end a run, though my preferred way to end a god run is to keep making deals with various demons until I end up with a curse that is guaranteed to kill me on the next boss that way I feel like I gambled to death.

Look, I know the last game might have seemed a little floaty on merits, but try this game.

It’s simply fantastic. Dive in, die, dive in, die, and then stumble onto a perma stun build or an infinite shield build or a barrier regen build- you can stumble unto so many unique ways to play and I honestly had a lot of fun breaking and being broken by this title.

Wasteland 2 for PS4/Xbone/PC/Switch

Let’s get away from phone games and handhelds in general.

Wasteland 2 is a game I was looking forward to ages before release. I remember stumbling across news of it being kickstarted or something similar- and bookmarking it for future reference and promptly forgot until I saw it in stores and started berating myself for not getting it at release.

Now it took me a long while to get around to Wasteland 2; Long enough to hear from some that it wasn’t as good as they wanted and others that it was too complicated. Long enough to build doubts.

But my god.

This is a game that I highly recommend you come in with a quick start guide of some sort. Seriously. No it’s not impossible or anything- and I’m sure fans of the original will scoff at me for saying as much- but no, really. It’s “Fallout before Fallout” except now it’s well after Fallout (obviously) releasing in 2014, and it takes that oldschool complexity seriously.

Mostly.

Basically, just read up a quickstart guide, I found a wonderful one for my purposes (pretty sure that’s the exact one I used) because character creation at the start pretty much dictates what your first impressions are gonna be- ranging from “Oh, okay, this is pretty neat, I’m hyped to dive into this” to “OH MY GOD THIS IS TERRIBLE AND EVERYONE SUCKS AT EVERYTHING AND I’M NOT A FAN”.

If your reaction is the latter, I recommend restarting and fiddling with your team composition. You can play however you like- but this is a game that kind of expects your first run to be “mostly diverse” before you attempt a less specialized team in the future.

Enough of that. Wasteland 2 is a newschool fallout game. That’s what you need to know. It’s got a ton of post apocalyptic fun, plenty of moral moments ranging in quality from “Oh heck that’s good” to “.... not good enough” but there’s a lot more good than bad.

The first half of the game is simply better put together than the second half, to be honest, due to budget and deadlines or some other dev level nonsense, but that doesn’t make the rest of the game throwaway- it just sorta simplifies towards the end and then culminates in a massive boss encounter, which isn’t terrible by any means.

Combat’s great if you enjoy oldschool fallout and want some nice squad x-com style battles. Death is scary (very scary). And, heck I don’t know, it’s just a fantastic fallout game. Like a REALLY fantastic fallout game.

I made characters I grew attached to and it felt so natural to do as much because (thanks to the quickstart guide) my team was VERY diverse so I began to associate each of them with their skills and the playstyles those skills dictated.

Seriously, with a short read on what skills do what this is a fantastic game that I’m very glad I got to play through. Oh, and if you’re on console the text is stupid small- go into the options and change that. Also, don’t do what I did which made me sad to notice- don’t type up a large Bio for your characters (at least on console) because a bug prevents the Bio box from scrolling, meaning you will forever lose access to your long backstory ;-; Don’t do that.

Wario Land: Shake It! for the Wii

God I love this game. This goes up with Hamtaro as another feel good game and in a similar way it left me feeling in a much more optimistic and generally positive mood as I finished it.

I am a huge fan of the older Wario Land titles, the first one is one of my favorite games on the game boy- but I never really kept up with Wario until recent years. I didn’t play the later games, didn’t try his mini game compilations, and didn’t look at console releases at all until much later.

I heard of this game from a Wario marathon stream setup someone was doing years ago and took note only for one fact “It’s got good graphics”.

Like that was it. I saw this and went “Pretty” so I took note to get it later on.

I had no idea it’d end up being one of my favorite games, but here we are. This game hit like a truck with quality. You can easily coast through the game if you’re struggling with the harder challenges, but my god, there are SO many challenges hidden all around for treasures. The gameplay is FANTASTIC, the motion controls are SMART (come at me) and that aesthetic! MY GOD, that aesthetic! The entire game looks like a fox kids cartoon or something similar and I adore it.

This goes down as one of those games I’d recommend to just about anyone. You have a wii, find a way to play this. Truly, one of, if not my absolute favorite platformers of all time.

Well I’m dropping this a little early because I don’t mind being off season.

12/28/2018.

There are a metric ton of games I could talk about or recommend, but I had some oddballs I wanted to say and a couple feelgood games I wanted shown as well.

Quick bonus titles would be EDF 5 (a ton of quality of life changes and it’s EDF!!! SHOOT BUGS!), Play Yakuza you dinguses, if my whole emotional sputter and that whole side blog I made didn’t give a hint- Doki Doki Literature Club is worth a play, Dragon Warrior Monsters is the best pokemon game, The Fall was very interesting and enjoyable, Nioh is Bloodborne done right, and God Hand is great.

Have a great new year, everyone~

[mastcomm]

‘The Good Place’ Finale Finds the Meaning of Life: ‘Yep, Nailed It’

Michael Schur swears he didn’t name Michael, the avuncular architect played by Ted Danson on Schur’s metaphysical sitcom, “The Good Place,” after himself. The character was actually based on St. Michael the Archangel, who according to Christian tradition is involved in the final judgment of souls.

But the parallels are undeniable. Over four seasons on the NBC comedy, both Michaels spent their time devising elaborate, twisty fictions and trying to settle on a suitably just plan for the afterlife.

“That character is some sort of a showrunner — he’s writing scenarios and putting people in different positions,” Schur said recently. “I gave up trying to argue and have just accepted the fact that my subconscious will live on the show.”

“The Good Place” is ending this week, wrapping up Thursday night on NBC with the series finale followed by a live panel discussion, hosted by Seth Meyers, with Schur and the cast — Danson, Kristen Bell, William Jackson Harper, Jameela Jamil, Manny Jacinto and D’Arcy Carden.

The concept for the series began with Schur’s ideas about a standard for divine justice — a point system measuring earthly behavior — that led to a deeper dive into moral philosophy before ending up as a bright, heady mix of puns, cartoonish tortures (chain saw bears, a particularly invasive species of spider) and wide-ranging inquiries into the nature of human goodness.

The problems with the point system quickly became apparent, a pattern that repeated itself over and over, onscreen and off, as the writing staff wrestled with both the story and their own notions about ethics and metaphysical reward. Last week’s penultimate episode found the core group finally reaching the actual Good Place, only to find that it, too, had its flaws.

“We never felt like we had a better idea than anybody else,” Schur said.

But they did come to some conclusions. In a telephone interview, Schur discussed them, the show’s inadvertent political parallels and, yes, those pesky spiders. These are edited excerpts from the conversation.

(Note: While Schur wouldn’t discuss the series finale, this interview includes spoilers for earlier episodes of “The Good Place” as well as, weirdly, “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.”)

Your original point system quickly fell apart. So did you figure it all out by the end?

Yep, nailed it. [Laughs.] The second you conceive of any system of what happens after you die, you then realize, oh, there’s a million flaws with this. The history of philosophy is people saying, “Hey, you know how we believe this? Well guess what, this sucks — we’ve got to revise it.” This show is no different. We were constantly proposing theories and then realizing how flawed they were.

Does the finale offer any kind of answer?

I don’t know that we have an answer, but the show ended up taking a position, and it’s something close to Aristotelian virtue ethics. What matters is that these things matter to you. You’re going to fail over and over again, and you’re going to encounter decisions that have no answer. Anything you do is problematic and causes someone somewhere some amount of pain or sadness or suffering.

And because you’re doomed to fail, what matters isn’t that you do everything right. What matters is that you try. When you make a mistake, you apologize and then you try something else. The show is suggesting that the real victory of being alive is just putting these things in the front of your brain and attempting all the time to be a better person than you were yesterday.

The culture is full of people who seem to be attempting the opposite. You’ve been outspoken about political issues, in particular, were you ever tempted to incorporate more pointed satire within the show?

No, for two reasons. No. 1, the characters all died before the 2016 election, so we got off on a technicality. Granted they did later un-die and go back to Earth, but we never had to mention Donald Trump’s name because they lived in blissful ignorance of the fact that he had been elected.

But the more important reason was you end up making political comments without directly making political comments, by discussing the nature of moral philosophy. When they’re redesigning the afterlife in the ninth episode of this season, the problem they identify is that people can commit crimes that aren’t by their essence cruel, and yet they’re punished in a way that is cruel, and that asymmetry is problematic.

What we’re talking about is mass incarceration. We’re not trying to — we’re talking about this ridiculous afterlife system that we invented, but this is a direct analogue to the problem of mass incarceration. We realized early on that in discussing any set of moral problems, even in the extreme abstract, you’re going to end up running alongside the car of some modern-day issue.

That said, there have been jabs implied by, say, the spinelessness of the Good Place Committee.

That’s the most pointed we ever got. That’s just pure frustration with a certain kind of politician who holds the concept of fairness and making people on the opposite side of the aisle feel good above all else, including just the basic fight for what is right and good. So yeah, that is a bit of an ax-grinding exercise.

Do you think the show had a villain? Even a guy like the überdemon Shawn (Marc Evan Jackson) has a growing self-awareness by the end.

In a tangible, TV-character way, Shawn was the villain. But I think the villain of the show, if there is one, is probably something like a belief that you’re special, or that you don’t have to follow rules or that your problems are bigger than someone else’s. Everyone in the show had some kind of personal Achilles’ heel — for Eleanor it was selfishness, for Chidi it was indecision and for Tahani it was glory-seeking. All of those things are related to the same thing, which is self-obsession.

The show was still a comedy, of course, and some of the funniest lines involved the Bad Place’s creative torture methods. Did you have any favorites?

The ones that were the silliest. Butthole spiders came up over and over again — I don’t know who pitched that the first time, but that became our baseline. The tricky thing about talking about torture is it’s the least funny subject in the world. So it always had to be really silly, like chain saw bears.

But my favorite ones were more specific. Like there’s a joke where Shawn gets zapped into a room and he looks around and he says, “Oh, dammit, I was right in the middle of torturing William Shakespeare by describing the plot of the ‘Entourage’ movie.” That one I loved. There was also one in those webisodes we made where he’s torturing Emily Dickinson by playing her the Joe Rogan podcast.

That’s a delicious treat to give a writers’ room: “We need 50 things that Shawn could be doing right now.” We would write 25 of them in about 40 seconds and then pick our favorite.

The story was tightly serialized and got pretty convoluted. What was the hardest thing to pull off?

I had never worked on a show that had a giant concept behind it. Giant concepts are great for pilots and terrible for shows because once you’re past the giant concept, it’s like, well what the hell happens now?

So I didn’t even pitch the show until I knew what the whole first season was, because you can’t maintain a consistent world for too long unless you know where you’re going at all times. If you don’t know, you’re going to do something at some point that derails you or that becomes inconsistent in the long term.

For example, in the last “Star Wars” movie when J.J. Abrams was trying to course-correct for the previous movie, the opening crawl says “Palpatine is alive” and you’re like, “What’s he talking about? Palpatine hasn’t been in the story at all.” And now this whole story is about Palpatine. Those three movies weren’t broken as one giant thing, so they had to bluntly knock stuff aside that didn’t fit into where they wanted to end up.

The “Star Wars” comment is going to be the one thing here that goes viral.

I don’t know why we’re talking about “Star Wars” now, but I guess it’s my fault. Look, I will see every “Star Wars” movie that’s ever made, but it is a little jarring when they have to explain stuff in a direct way like that. Say what you want about George Lucas’s movies, but at least he was executing a certain vision.

Because we were a year ahead at the beginning, that let us be a year ahead every year. By the time we started the first episode of any season, we already knew what the last episode of that season was going to be, so we didn’t ever do anything that was wildly inconsistent or that had to be maneuvered around. That was the hardest part of it, and also the most necessary part of making the show.

In what ways did “The Good Place” evolve that were surprising to you?

Well, there was a gigantic evolution of what the show actually believed, which was interesting. I wrote this long document to all the writers at the beginning that laid out the stuff I’d been reading and the basic ideas we’d be discussing. And I wrote a note that basically said, “At some point this show needs to figure out what it believes. There’s a lot of theories out there and they’ve been discussed for thousands of years, and if things work out and we stick around long enough, the show has to take a position.”

But I didn’t know what that position was going to be. So what ended up happening was by writing the stories and figuring out what interested us as a group, the show ended up having a philosophy about what matters. And that was really fun — it felt like a four-year conversation among a lot of really smart and funny people about what’s the best way to just approach the impossibility of being alive. And that was delightful.

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[bentonpena]

Quit Your Job Now And Move To One Of These 5 Dirt Cheap Places

Quit Your Job Now And Move To One Of These 5 Dirt Cheap Places http://bit.ly/31PbtH8

Photo by Luis Quintero from Pexels

Even when someone enjoys their job to some degree, it can still be challenging to walk inside that place every single day with the same kind of bright-eyed enthusiasm that they may have had in the beginning.

For instance, it is not lost on me just how fortunate I am to roll out of bed each day and write dumb shit for a living.

Especially considering that I could be working construction or stuck in a suck-ass factory somewhere praying really, really hard for the Grim Reaper to put me out of my misery.

But that’s not to say that there aren’t times when I sit down in front of my computer first thing in the morning with nothing but contempt in my heart.

There are, in fact, plenty of days when I just want to set my office on fire and move away to a faraway land where I have the freedom to drink all day, get stoned and have some fun before my dick stops working and they have to fit me for a colostomy bag.

Well, this week was a real hum-dinger, let me tell you. It was like five fucking excruciatingly painful Mondays right in a row.

So, to stop myself from flipping my shit, I mixed up a few Moscow Mules one night, ate a metric shit-ton of marijuana edibles and dove deep into the Internet to see if I could find the cheapest spots outside the United States where I could live on little to no money.

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that there are actually several places where a man can maintain an above-average existence — still eating good food and not having to shit in a bucket — without selling his entire rotten soul to the grind.

These are five of my favorites. Who knows, maybe I’ll see you there.

Panama

Not only is the weather pleasant in Panama, but it is also outside the hurricane belt and there a few natural disasters other than the occasional earthquake. It is full of cities, mountains, and beaches and there isn’t much violent crime.

Panamanians are mostly laid back and want to have fun.

It is also one of those places where healthcare is cheap, most of the doctors still speak English, and you can even get a decent internet connection.

The country also has a stable government, so there is never any concern that a bat shit crazy revolution is going to break out at the hands of radicals.

Nothing like that. What’s more is the government is providing outsiders with incentives, such as tax breaks, to move there.

But what about the cost? It’s not too bad.

Depending on which part of Panama a man decides to go, he could live a good life on around $1,700 per month.

Costa Rica

This is a developing country that has adopted a laid back attitude.

Perhaps this is the reason that its unofficial slogan is “Pura Vida,” meaning pure life.

Costa Ricans are some of the happiest and healthiest people in the world, which is probably because instead of being cooped up in an office all day they are outside enjoying the gorgeous landscape.

Costa Rica is a middle finger to the 9-to-5.

There are beach towns and nightly street parties, and the natives are not afraid to knock back the booze.

It is a vibrant country that has always had an open-door policy when it comes to welcoming foreigners, making it relatively easy to relocate without having to jump through a lot of hoops.

It is super inexpensive to live here too.

A single guy can live rather well for around $1,500 per month.

Portugal

To live in Portugal, all one really needs to be willing to do is take it easy.

Seriously, this is one of those low-key spots where the natives are not in a hurry to do much of anything other than having fun.

It’s incredibly laid back, the locals are friendly, the health care is decent, and all illegal drugs have been decriminalized.

Portugal is also one of the safest places to live in the world, and the people who settle here are among some of the happiest.

It is a mostly English speaking nation that has an affinity for good times.

Lisbon, for example, has a reputation for having one hell of a nightlife. It has been said that it is relatively easy to pick up girls in Lisbon.

Day and night, beautiful women are apparently just hanging out at the various bars and cafes waiting to be charmed by some young stud like yourself.

Some statistics show that a single person can live comfortably in Portugal for around $1,500 per month.

But in some of the more prominent towns like Lisbon or Mafra, that might increase to just over $2,000.

Peru

This is a spot with mostly lovely weather and Ayahuasca ceremonies. Yeah man! It is one of those places where the people are friendly, the food is good, and the cost of living is about 80 percent less than it is in the United States.

Why are we not there already?

Peru is also one of the easiest countries to get a lifetime visa. You can then apply for permanent residency or even citizenship after three years. The country is also the second-largest producer of cocaine in the world.

So, okay, you might not sleep much. Who cares? It’s not like you have to get up early for work or anything.

What makes Peru really attractive is the fact that a single man can live the good life there for around $1,200 per month.

Thailand

Not everyone who bails on the United States for a less expensive way of life wants to go somewhere slower pace.

So I wanted to toss in one city where the cost of living is cheap, but the pulse of the place is insane.

That would be Thailand.

There is always something to do in hot spots like Bangkok, and none of it costs much money at all.

There are also plenty of places to go when the noise of the fast life gets to be too much.

And in spite of legends that have been told about this place throughout the years, it is actually a safe place to live.

The only downside is most Thai people do not speak English. So you might have to brush up on your Thai before making a move.

But with the money you will save on living expenses, you should have no problem affording Rosetta Stone.

A single guy can live a really nice life in Thailand for around $1,200 per month.

Which one is going to be, fellas?

***

Mike Adams is a freelance writer for High Times, Cannabis Now, and Forbes. You can follow him on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

More from Mike:

What Does A Hangover Do To Our Brains?

How To Avoid Drinking Tainted Alcohol While On Vacation

Check Out These Bizarre – But Real – Lawnmower Laws That We’ve Probably All Broken

Men via BroBible.com http://bit.ly/2Z1jdnl August 16, 2019 at 02:27PM

[mastcomm]

‘The Good Place’ Finale Finds the Meaning of Life: ‘Yep, Nailed It’

Michael Schur swears he didn’t name Michael, the avuncular architect played by Ted Danson on Schur’s metaphysical sitcom, “The Good Place,” after himself. The character was actually based on St. Michael the Archangel, who according to Christian tradition is involved in the final judgment of souls.

But the parallels are undeniable. Over four seasons on the NBC comedy, both Michaels spent their time devising elaborate, twisty fictions and trying to settle on a suitably just plan for the afterlife.

“That character is some sort of a showrunner — he’s writing scenarios and putting people in different positions,” Schur said recently. “I gave up trying to argue and have just accepted the fact that my subconscious will live on the show.”

“The Good Place” is ending this week, wrapping up Thursday night on NBC with the series finale followed by a live panel discussion, hosted by Seth Meyers, with Schur and the cast — Danson, Kristen Bell, William Jackson Harper, Jameela Jamil, Manny Jacinto and D’Arcy Carden.

The concept for the series began with Schur’s ideas about a standard for divine justice — a point system measuring earthly behavior — that led to a deeper dive into moral philosophy before ending up as a bright, heady mix of puns, cartoonish tortures (chain saw bears, a particularly invasive species of spider) and wide-ranging inquiries into the nature of human goodness.

The problems with the point system quickly became apparent, a pattern that repeated itself over and over, onscreen and off, as the writing staff wrestled with both the story and their own notions about ethics and metaphysical reward. Last week’s penultimate episode found the core group finally reaching the actual Good Place, only to find that it, too, had its flaws.

“We never felt like we had a better idea than anybody else,” Schur said.

But they did come to some conclusions. In a telephone interview, Schur discussed them, the show’s inadvertent political parallels and, yes, those pesky spiders. These are edited excerpts from the conversation.

(Note: While Schur wouldn’t discuss the series finale, this interview includes spoilers for earlier episodes of “The Good Place” as well as, weirdly, “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.”)

Your original point system quickly fell apart. So did you figure it all out by the end?

Yep, nailed it. [Laughs.] The second you conceive of any system of what happens after you die, you then realize, oh, there’s a million flaws with this. The history of philosophy is people saying, “Hey, you know how we believe this? Well guess what, this sucks — we’ve got to revise it.” This show is no different. We were constantly proposing theories and then realizing how flawed they were.

Does the finale offer any kind of answer?

I don’t know that we have an answer, but the show ended up taking a position, and it’s something close to Aristotelian virtue ethics. What matters is that these things matter to you. You’re going to fail over and over again, and you’re going to encounter decisions that have no answer. Anything you do is problematic and causes someone somewhere some amount of pain or sadness or suffering.

And because you’re doomed to fail, what matters isn’t that you do everything right. What matters is that you try. When you make a mistake, you apologize and then you try something else. The show is suggesting that the real victory of being alive is just putting these things in the front of your brain and attempting all the time to be a better person than you were yesterday.

The culture is full of people who seem to be attempting the opposite. You’ve been outspoken about political issues, in particular, were you ever tempted to incorporate more pointed satire within the show?

No, for two reasons. No. 1, the characters all died before the 2016 election, so we got off on a technicality. Granted they did later un-die and go back to Earth, but we never had to mention Donald Trump’s name because they lived in blissful ignorance of the fact that he had been elected.

But the more important reason was you end up making political comments without directly making political comments, by discussing the nature of moral philosophy. When they’re redesigning the afterlife in the ninth episode of this season, the problem they identify is that people can commit crimes that aren’t by their essence cruel, and yet they’re punished in a way that is cruel, and that asymmetry is problematic.

What we’re talking about is mass incarceration. We’re not trying to — we’re talking about this ridiculous afterlife system that we invented, but this is a direct analogue to the problem of mass incarceration. We realized early on that in discussing any set of moral problems, even in the extreme abstract, you’re going to end up running alongside the car of some modern-day issue.

That said, there have been jabs implied by, say, the spinelessness of the Good Place Committee.

That’s the most pointed we ever got. That’s just pure frustration with a certain kind of politician who holds the concept of fairness and making people on the opposite side of the aisle feel good above all else, including just the basic fight for what is right and good. So yeah, that is a bit of an ax-grinding exercise.

Do you think the show had a villain? Even a guy like the überdemon Shawn (Marc Evan Jackson) has a growing self-awareness by the end.

In a tangible, TV-character way, Shawn was the villain. But I think the villain of the show, if there is one, is probably something like a belief that you’re special, or that you don’t have to follow rules or that your problems are bigger than someone else’s. Everyone in the show had some kind of personal Achilles’ heel — for Eleanor it was selfishness, for Chidi it was indecision and for Tahani it was glory-seeking. All of those things are related to the same thing, which is self-obsession.

The show was still a comedy, of course, and some of the funniest lines involved the Bad Place’s creative torture methods. Did you have any favorites?

The ones that were the silliest. Butthole spiders came up over and over again — I don’t know who pitched that the first time, but that became our baseline. The tricky thing about talking about torture is it’s the least funny subject in the world. So it always had to be really silly, like chain saw bears.

But my favorite ones were more specific. Like there’s a joke where Shawn gets zapped into a room and he looks around and he says, “Oh, dammit, I was right in the middle of torturing William Shakespeare by describing the plot of the ‘Entourage’ movie.” That one I loved. There was also one in those webisodes we made where he’s torturing Emily Dickinson by playing her the Joe Rogan podcast.

That’s a delicious treat to give a writers’ room: “We need 50 things that Shawn could be doing right now.” We would write 25 of them in about 40 seconds and then pick our favorite.

The story was tightly serialized and got pretty convoluted. What was the hardest thing to pull off?

I had never worked on a show that had a giant concept behind it. Giant concepts are great for pilots and terrible for shows because once you’re past the giant concept, it’s like, well what the hell happens now?

So I didn’t even pitch the show until I knew what the whole first season was, because you can’t maintain a consistent world for too long unless you know where you’re going at all times. If you don’t know, you’re going to do something at some point that derails you or that becomes inconsistent in the long term.

For example, in the last “Star Wars” movie when J.J. Abrams was trying to course-correct for the previous movie, the opening crawl says “Palpatine is alive” and you’re like, “What’s he talking about? Palpatine hasn’t been in the story at all.” And now this whole story is about Palpatine. Those three movies weren’t broken as one giant thing, so they had to bluntly knock stuff aside that didn’t fit into where they wanted to end up.

The “Star Wars” comment is going to be the one thing here that goes viral.

I don’t know why we’re talking about “Star Wars” now, but I guess it’s my fault. Look, I will see every “Star Wars” movie that’s ever made, but it is a little jarring when they have to explain stuff in a direct way like that. Say what you want about George Lucas’s movies, but at least he was executing a certain vision.

Because we were a year ahead at the beginning, that let us be a year ahead every year. By the time we started the first episode of any season, we already knew what the last episode of that season was going to be, so we didn’t ever do anything that was wildly inconsistent or that had to be maneuvered around. That was the hardest part of it, and also the most necessary part of making the show.

In what ways did “The Good Place” evolve that were surprising to you?

Well, there was a gigantic evolution of what the show actually believed, which was interesting. I wrote this long document to all the writers at the beginning that laid out the stuff I’d been reading and the basic ideas we’d be discussing. And I wrote a note that basically said, “At some point this show needs to figure out what it believes. There’s a lot of theories out there and they’ve been discussed for thousands of years, and if things work out and we stick around long enough, the show has to take a position.”

But I didn’t know what that position was going to be. So what ended up happening was by writing the stories and figuring out what interested us as a group, the show ended up having a philosophy about what matters. And that was really fun — it felt like a four-year conversation among a lot of really smart and funny people about what’s the best way to just approach the impossibility of being alive. And that was delightful.

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