#good ol brawl buddies

[biohazard-inevitable]

Rival f/o’s are literally so fun to have because like, I’d absolutely bash your shins in battle but also I want to have that fun rival banter and good ol rival teamups for the greater good gods i love rival f/os they’re so NEAT.

[prismaticpichu]

since we know kirbo loves befriending villains, how does he go about befriending each of the smash villains?

Kirby is a gentle, kind soul, conquering the galaxy’s most horrendous evils with… *electric guitar riff* THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!!! As seen in Kirby Star Allies, he befriends enemies with some kinda mind-controlling abra kadabra magic- buuuut bc Kirby loves a challenge he ain’t throwing any My Little Pony hearts rn. Let’s do this!

Ridley ~ Ahhhh. The Cunning God of Death. What a perfect lunchmate! Kirby waddles over with a picnic basket one afternoon, offering the colossal draconic organism a tuna sandwich. Space pirate or not, IQ through the roof or not, a dragon’s gotta dragon- and Ridley gobbles down the whole sandwich in a single bite.

King K. Rool ~ Guy’s a narcissist; welp, there’s only one true and blue thing to do! One morning Kirby waddles over with a big ol’ mirror, extra shiny, and hands it to the drunken croc so he can be forever enveloped in his glory. Attaboy!

Bowser ~ Kirby doesn’t know much about romance, or, or forced marriages, but he does love cake! Kirby bakes a giant wedding cake and waddles on over, subsequently Bowser to burst into tears. It’s okay, buddy; there’s someone for everyone! Kirby sits there, solacing him, patting Bowser’s back until the sun goes down <3

Sephiroth ~ They are best friends immediately, from moment one, Sephiroth recognizing the incomprehensible strength of the munchkin and vowing to protect him with everything he has. They go flying together almost every evening, Seph with his wing and Kirby on his warp star; they even fancy a good ol’ fashioned race! (Lay one finger on Kirby and you will wake up underwater.)

Ganondorf ~ Kirby heads on over to the nearest arcade and wins him a pig plushie. Ganondorf accepts it, silently, and ever so slowly a smirk creeps onto his lips. Score!

Kazuya ~ Ooooooh peace gets thrown out the window; Kirby loves his fighting! He swallows a boxing glove and becomes his red-ribboned self, challenging Kazuya to an all out brawl! Whooooo!!! It’s a close match, but Kazuya ultimately falls, accepting Kirby as an honorable, squishy, and noble fighter. Kirby also goes to conquer the demon corrupting half of his new friend’s mind. That Devil Gene’s got nothing on him!

Dark Samus ~ Ok. He uses the mind-controlling magic here. I got nothing xD

[goji-pilled]

welcome to part two of "Like a Magical Girl" where Oktavia tells her son how her wife beat her up in a fast food parking lot. or in front of one, at least.

also aint it weird that none of the civies have any clue that magic exists despite living in Mitakihara? i'unno, i think it's a bit weird.

---

"So... Mom went out of her way to bully you? How does that make you stronger?"

"Well Anthony, your mom had what she thought to be a very sound and very logical explanation for her nonsense. Remember how I said this was after Walpurgisnatch?"

"Yeah, the big nightmare Witch that was always sad! Auntie Madoka always looks sad when talkimg about her."

"Yep, that's the Witch. Well... we were pretty sloppy and let too many things get past us whenever we shouldn't have. Kyouko is... she worries, in her own way."

"Like how she taught Yuma-nee how to rough it like her? Or how she always tries to be there for Auntie Homu and Nagi-nee?"

"Exactly. In her own way, this was how she was going to take care of me, to help me and make sure nothing bad happens in the future."

"By harassing you in broad daylight?"

"... It wasn't always harassment. There was this time where-"

...

...

Oktavia von Seckemdorff was, at this exact moment, regretting all her life choices in the past four or so hours.

The Mermaid Witch had been kicked out of the Tomoe Apartment due to a series of unfortunate events that led to a (once again) destroyed kitchen and a very, very angry Mami. Oktavia knew that deep down Mami would always love her, but she knew that she often tested that devotion more than usual - she is somehow worse than Kyouko and boy does that revelation destroy her self confidence.

It was after a few hours of walking through the streets of the commercial districts that she found herself hungry for people food. The Witch made her way to the nearest fast food joint - a burger place that had the cutest smiling chibi burger as its mascot - and stood in the fairly empty burgeria. The tall girl stood still as she looked up at the menu, deciding whether or not to get the full combo or just a burger and drink, when she felt it. That menacing aura of fear-inducing dread.

"Tavi-chan~!"

"Oh god, here we go again."

Turning around Oktavia found the country outfitted Saki-chan staring right at her, a feral grin poorly holding back the fang that peaked out. The Mermaid tried to send a message out to the Red Oni but found that music invaded her mind once more. This time it was a jaunty tune that seemed to scream "I don't give a darn 'bout nothin'" which honestly fit her partner.

"What a coincidence that we happen ta run into each otha' here! Ya wanna side of Saki-chan with ya order? Or would ya like some paunch to give with yer meal?" She was doing the voice too. Just... why?

"Listen Saki-chan, it's been a bit of a rough morning for me. I'd really appreciate if we did this some other day." Honestly she was not looking forward to fighting her sparring buddy again. Last time the ludacricy of the situation left her too befuddled to stand a chance. Running on fumes after being kicked out of her home and currently trying to not go in a hangry rage? Yeah, no not putting up with this shit right now.

"Izzat so, Tavi-chan? Well, ya know what pick's me up after a god awful day?" Don't say it please don't say it. "A good ol' value meal with a fight on the side! So whaddya say,  put them up and slam yer troubles away!" Saki-chan had riased her arms to the sky, her voice picking up volume as she kept trying to instigate a fight.

"Saki-chan I really, really do not want to do this now. Could we not do whatever this is?"

"Huh?! What's this?! The Tavi-chan I know would never turn down a scuffle, maybe a kerfuffle and even a brawl, but never any roughhousin'!" Wow, Kyouko is actually getting worked up from this... Not Oktavia's problem though! "Has the great Tavi-chan became a wuss since she left home, or has she gotta to cozy in the big city!?"

... Nevermind, now her honor is on the line.

Oktavia may also kinda want to deck Kyouko in the face at the moment. Slug that stupid look off of Kyouko's stupid face.

Besides, it'd probably be better to just get this out of the way now than try to put up with this nonsense. Didn't want to cause any problems for the staff and lone customer here. Who was giving them a look for some reason... Wait, isn't that the guy from last time?

...

...

Oktavia didn't know how, but in the span of the five minutes she and Kyouko took to stretch and distance themselves, an entire crowd circled an entire arena for the two of them. The citizens of Mitakihara suddenly flooded the street and people of all ages stood around the burger place.

... Okay then. Oktavia suppossed the West were right about them being weird.

Music started to play once the two of them fell into their stances, Oktavia glancing out of her periphery to see that same dude from inside blasting his phone.

Apparantly Kyouko didn't see anything wrong with this as she took a running leap to try and drop kick Oktavia. The Mermaid reacted accordingly and grabbed onto the flying legs, clamping down onto those jean clad thighs and began to spin! The Red Oni let out a startled yelp, feeling the cold hands of her partner clasp her legs, then she let out a groan as the world blurred in front of her face.

The Mermaid let go of her opponent, the street rat returning to her roots in a pile of garbage that had been left out for the following trash day. Kyouko snapped her head to face Oktavia and launched herself back up to her feet. The redhead glanced down to the pile around her and quickly snatched up-

A very intact and very sturdy pummel bat. Who just throws away a- Focus Tavi! Think about how weird your city is later! Kick Kyouko's ass right now!

Oktavia focused on evading the wide strikes Kyouko swung at her, the short range and little weight disorienting the Lancer too much for the weapon to actually be useful. Perfect.

The Crimson Lancer attempted to swing down the bat on the Witch's head but Oktavia took the moment slam the palm of her hand into the barrel of the weapon. The sudden knockback caused the bat to slam inbetween Kyouko's eyes, her grip lost at the suddeness of the betrayal of her weapon. The bat flew in the air for a moment before Oktavia caught it mid-air, without ever looking at the bat like a badass.

Cheering roared around them an- Oh yeah, there was an audience to their melee. Someone whistled out to them and tossed something into the ring. Oktavia didn't attempt to catch the object but she wished she had when Kyouko caught.

The Red Oni was now holding a very long pole arm in her hands, almost exactly the same length as her signature spear.

Well, thanfully Oktavia wouldn't have to worry about any dismemberment or new lacerations today. She rose to her old Mahou Shoujo stance just as Kyouko did with her weapon. The two of them locked eyes and launched themselves at the other.

Oktavia swung the bat in her hands like one of her own cutlasses, parrying strikes and thrusts from her opponent's pole. Their blocks and parries launched themselves further back and higher in the air than any normal person should've been able to. They were... They were using their magic in this spar! In front of an enitre crowd of civilians!

But... even though they were doing this... even if they would expose their hidden society of Mahou Shoujo and Witches... Oktavia couldn't find herself caring. She found herself lost in her opponent's eyes, lost in their violent dance as the pop music faded away and was replaced with a symphany in her head.

Alas, all things must come to an end. As Oktavia lost herself to the flow of battle - something to bring up with Charlotte, another day for Witch-ism discussion - she grew sloppy and left herself open for a blow to the chest. Kyouko thrust her pole right into the space where Oktavia's heart would be and blasted her back, the Mermaid flopping on her back as the wind was blown from her sails once more.

"Ha... Ha ha, ha! Now that's what I call a satisfying luncheon! Come on, Tavi-chan, get back up! Let me treat ya to a value meal, fer showin' me that ya ain't goin' all soft yet!" Kyouko lowered a hand down to Oktavia, sending down a smirk to the fallen opponent. The crowd slowly disperses into the city, letting out cheers and applause for the show they bore witness to.

Oktavia reaches out and grabs onto her partner's hand, her face morphing into a loopy smile as her previous frustrations faded away. The melody continued to play in her heart, the last of the adrenaline fading away as Kyouko lifted her off the ground. The Crimson Lancer had done what she does best and turned Oktavia's bad mood into an enjoyable one. These little shenanigans of hers... Even if Oktavia doesn't find out the whole truth to these sudden moments, she wouldn't mind experiencing them ever so often.

Wait a second...

"Uh... Saki-chan, can you afford to treat us both?"

"Wha- Whatta ya sayin' Tavi-chan!? That I'm too poor for ya city folk?! Ya tryin' ta stir shit up again?!"

Ugh, nevermind. The sooner this ends the better.

She'd miss those moments between them though, in their battles...

---

Mata ne, Tavi-chan~!

i love the idea that deep down Oktavia/Sayaka really wants to let loose and beat the shit outta everyone and get into fights 24/7. and she feels some sense of euphoria whenever she's in a battle against other MGs or Witches and Familiars.

this was also lowkey how these two dorks flirt and say "I love you" to each other. tune in next time where Saki-chan climbs outta a man hole or jumps off a building. See y'all~!

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

Honestly you're not even wrong, Sayaka "I'm gonna punch her" Miki as a witch is honestly no better in that regard 💀💀💀

[orange-angelo]

"Ohhhhh... Well we fought once! When he and his friends were trying to capture us for a bounty! I think we both got a few hits in before Leo portalled us out, so I have no clue who woulda won that... "

Exacctlllyyy so why don't u fight him and find out? A friendly fight! A platonic tussle! A buddy brawl! A good ol melee between fellows!

Well right now he's only three, but I'm okay!! I don't need to fight him, I just like hanging out with him :)

... When he isn't stealing all of Leo's attention, I mean...

[pokerobbo]

Week One? No Fun

Well its a safe to say that the first week of 2023 has been less fun for me than the 2018 AFL Grand final was for Eddie Maguire (Fuck Collingwood; not that I can comment because I also have shit teeth).

Although I have committed to go without alcohol for the duration of 2023, and I also don't hit women... apparently not everyone else is as optimistic as me.. Thursday night I received a call out for work and it ended up in me being punched in the side of the face twice by a man who was drunker than my ole buddy Rick Hernandez after the Adelaide Crows lost the 2017 Grand Final (still my favourite day in recent history FYI). My new friend was adamant that I was hiding his 'woman' from him and I also apparently bumped uglies with his mother (based on him calling me a MotherFucker several times throughout this enjoyable interaction). Luckily for me his swing had less co-ordination than me playing beer pong because I left with minimal bruising; his partner on the other hand.. unfortunately not so lucky (not trying to make a joke about it; DV is sickening. But Facts).

I've always been neutral about the anti-social behaviour that occurs in Port Augusta. If you watch the fights that occur across the road from my workplace its almost like watching UFC Live (who needs to pay $200; when you can watch Gladstone Square brawls). However, its starting to get out of hand and something needs to be done; although I have been saying that about the AFLW for years and still no action.

An update on my health... well Im still not Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson ... but I've managed to stick to the Gym schedule I set for myself.. I didnt even stop by McDonalds on the way home (okay, well maybe once.). Current weight: 124KG.

Financially nothing has changed. Didn't get paid. Still poorer than Jeffery Dahmers mental health.

Now... perhaps my biggest focus this week... No Betting (although, with limited funds accessible its easy not to bet). Although my odds against the drunk that thought I was bangin his misso (and his mum) would have been about $7.00 to go to decision. A good investment. I woke up the next day with no hangover and a mental health day at work. I recon I won that one. A further point is that I lasted longer than Jose Aldo did against Connor McGregor therefore... simple math Alex Robinson > Jose Aldo.

Thats all for now; remember to stay healthy, be an overall good cunt and most importantly Collingwood fuckin suck.

Aleki Out.

[bvccy]

Hi!!! Hope you're doing great

Can I please have a mix between number 2 from the soft and 8 from the dark one

Thanks, lost of love ❤❤❤

Thank you so much, nonnie! I am so sorry this took so long, I meant to post yesterday but it wasn’t done. Also, the 8th dark prompt was requested just before you sent in this one, so that is filled separately here.

I tried to do the mix you asked for, and I took the liberty of writing this with Bucky (specifically 40s!BB), and I hope that it’s ok. It’s a bit of a more specific story, actually, that I’d wanted to write for a while. I also did a kind of first for me, because it involves Steve x reader as a backdrop 😂 Anyway.

Lots of love to you too, my dear! 💗💗💗

— PAIRING: soft!dark!Bucky x Reader • preserum!Steve x Reader — PROMPT: Asteria - gazing at one’s object of affection, from afar + Prassius - an impossible desire, and unclean love — LINKS: Masterlist • love stones prompt list — WORDCOUNT: 2.5k

It had taken long enough, and sometimes it seemed like it would never happen, but he finally found Steve a girlfriend — or rather, his girlfriend found him one. Dottie had exhausted several of her close friends and most acquaintances, but she knew how tired Bucky was of seeing his friend mope around, feeling like a third wheel, getting into trouble to pass the time. And honestly she liked Steve too, just not like that — but, wonder-worker that she was, Dottie found a girl that did.

She agreed to come on a double-date one night, and she and Stevie hit it right off. It was the first time Bucky met her too, and he didn't think much of the girl. Small, shy, not quite sickly-looking but not far from it, shoes a bit scuffed, clothes a bit too big for her and smelling of plain soap — in a word: perfect. She was perfect for his sickly, skinny friend who nobody else wanted, and by the looks of things, nobody had wanted her either because she seemed to have no idea what to do around a dance hall. As they were returning home that night, he even heard her confess to Steve that she had never been to one before.

They went out on two more dates, all four of them, within as many weeks. Bucky loved to dance, and Dottie too, but Steve and his girl weren't so fond of tripping over their feet and being laughed at. So they sat together at the table like a pair of broken toys, sharing an ice cream sundae, swinging shoulder-to-shoulder with the music when they liked the tune. Bucky waved at them when their eyes met, and they waved back and cheered at his dancefloor performance, but that happened less and less as they got caught up in each other. Steve would start to sketch things on the napkins while they chatted: the band, the sea of dancers, the fancy chandeliers, and eventually her.

"She said nobody's ever drawn her picture before," his friend said dreamily as they walked back, after they wished a good night to the girls. "Can you believe that?"

"Sure can…"

"She almost didn't let me do it. But she's so pretty, Buck."

"Mhm, nice girl."

"I mean yeah, she's no Dottie, but… I don't know, there's just somethin' I like so much about her… I guess her eyes, the way they look when she's smiling, or how her hair looks when the sun shines on it…"

"Get a load a' you," he grinned, wrapping his arm around Steve's shoulder in a playful grip that moved his friend's whole body. "One dame's sweet on you, and all of a sudden you're Romeo."

"At least I'm not a punk like you," Steve teased, slipping from his grasp.

"You know what I like best about her?"

"What?" he asked, with a hint of jealousy.

But Bucky smirked without a care. "How she keeps you out of trouble."

It had, indeed, been a while since Steve got in an alley brawl, and by their fifth date his last few bruises healed. He'd almost gotten into one by a cotton candy stand at Coney Island, but his girl was there to pull him back.

"Stevie, leave him alone…"

"You heard what he said?!"

"Who cares," she sighed, clinging to his arm and throwing the other man a hateful look. "Come on, didn't you want to win me that stuffed teddy bear?"

"Better listen to your girl, pal."

"Oh go find a sty to wallow in," she hissed.

"I ought'a smack some manners into you, you two-bit broad!"

"I'd worry about my own manners if I were you, buddy." Bucky slipped between them, coming from behind, standing now close enough to punch the guy if things got heated. But, seeing himself outnumbered, the other man cursed them and left. Just then, Dottie finally caught up.

"What's going on?" she asked, a little out of breath.

Bucky turned around, and was met by the heart-melting sight of Steve and his girl holding each other, her hands on his cheeks as she quietly chastised him, but loving enough that it made him smile and giggle. She closed it with a kiss to his cheek that made the boy blush, and a kittenish rub of their noses together.

"Nothing, everything's fine."

It was around the time they went to see a movie together that Bucky's joy for Steve turned into something else. They sat in the back while some musical played, and through the flashing lights and the corner of his eye, he could see his friend with his sweetheart holding hands on top of her lap throughout the whole performance. Meanwhile Dottie kept rubbing up against him, sometimes leaning her head on his shoulder, daring in the darker scenes to kiss his neck, but when she tried to get more of his attention —

"Buckyyy, what's wrong?"

— he shook her off. Hearing his name spoken by her voice suddenly felt disappointing.

He caught himself staring more and more, and not just when they went out together. Sometimes, the girl came by and spent some time with Steve, looking at his newer sketches, trying her hand too — oh and how disgusting they looked, Steve taking advantage of the situation to sit behind, and wrap his arms around her, and whisper in her ear. The pair greeted him cheerfully when he stepped through the living room and caught them, and he grinned back at them as he took a glass of milk, but all his appetite was gone.

And when they walked together through the park, and he saw them holding hands again… When Steve dug for some change to get her an ice cream, and they giggled stupidly as they made a mess of sharing it… When she fell asleep by his side one night at the dance hall, and Stevie woke her up with a tickle down her cheek, and she shivered and murmured like a bird and hid her face in his unworthy shoulder…

"Why don't you ever wanna dance, doll?" he asked as they were fetching drinks.

"Not much good at it, I guess," she shrugged. "The fast ones make me dizzy and I always trip."

"I can teach you. It'll work out great! Stevie teaches you to draw, I teach you how to dance… What do you say?"

The girl seemed to think, but shook her head. "Hmmm… No, not right now. Thanks," she smiled politely. "Besides, what would Stevie do meanwhile?"

She told him no just for the sake of keeping his scrawny little friend company, and Bucky had never felt more insulted — not that she wouldn't dance with him, although that hurt enough, but that he couldn't remember the last dame that gave something up just to stick with him, or got into fights for him, or kissed his wounds away, or held his hand in hers with no ulterior motive, and he'd found a girl that did that, and he wasted her on Steve.

So what if she was a little on the smaller side? So what if her dresses didn't fit right? So what if she came down with the cold at every change of season? He put up with it for Steve and he wasn't half as charming. The girl, instead, looked very delicate, more feminine in her own way, like when she braced her fingers on a table as she talked and mindlessly swung back and forth, animated in whatever she was saying, and her digits bent in such a childish way he feared they'd break, and it only made him want to kiss them. Or when she took her shoes off when she came to their apartment and he could catch a hint of shapely ankle, just perfect for his grip, or a peachy pink instep small enough to fit his palm. And when she fell asleep on their couch that one time and Bucky saw her all curled up, and noticed the arch of her hips and the cinch of her waist and pictured how good it would feel to hold them, and angle them upward, and…

Slowly, he started to appreciate some of what his friend had said that night, because she did have lovely eyes, and hair that looked so soft and warm, and her scent, unburdened by perfume, was sweet and girlish, and her lips looked kissable, and her wrists and knees and ankles too…

"Going out again, tonight?" he asked as the blond boy fixed himself in the mirror.

"Yeah, she wants to try this new place we —"

"Alright, alright…" sighed Bucky, already sick of hearing more. "So, that's all you're gonna do?"

"Well… yeah."

And then he voiced an evil thought. "Don't you ever want to… you know?"

"Y-you think we should?" Steve asked, turning away from his pallid reflection.

Bucky sat sprawled across the couch, and shrugged. "If she really likes you, she'd be up for it, don't you think?"

"I don't know about that, Buck."

"No? Ok," he nodded. "After all, what do I know?"

The aftermath of this particular advice was a draught of dates for poor ol' Steve, because just like Bucky had expected, the girl shrinked at the suggestion and couldn't stand to see him. For a while.

"Can you believe it, Buck?!"

"Yeah…"

"She'll see me again!"

"That's great, Stevie."

"What's wrong? You're lookin' real dour today."

Bucky knew he shouldn't. "I just…" He knew that it was wrong. "Look, it's great that she's forgiven you, but you gotta be realistic about this, pal." He had been happy for Steve at one point, long ago.

"What do you mean?"

But that was before he saw just how much love a girl could give, and realised he'd never felt it.

"Just don't delude yourself this is anything more than what it looks like, ok? She's only forgiven you because she knows nobody else will have her."

"That's mean, Buck."

"Yeah, well… I'm just looking out for you. You're my best friend, you know that. I don't want you getting hurt." It stuck in his throat to say it, but the bitterness stuck more.

And after Steve went to bed that night, Bucky took out the box of candy and the pricey perfume he had bought for her, threw them in the trash, and firmly promised to himself to never wait too long again.

But as he learned a bit later on, when they went back to double-dates, he might not have had a chance at all, because there was an unwitting element of truth to this cruel tirade.

"I can't exactly blame you, honey," Dottie consoled her as they stood in line for the ladies room, not knowing Bucky was just behind the thin divider leading to the men's. "If he does something like that again, I know this other fella —"

"Oh no, Dot, please… We're fine now. He explained things and… he's really sweet, I think he just had a moment of —"

"But just let me introduce you to Jim, see if you don't like him better."

"I… I don't know."

"He's a real charmer," Dottie grinned, "and he has these big, broad hands, jaw like an anvil. He just broke it off with Marcie cause she was a flirt."

He didn't hear anything next, but the girl must've shook her head cause Dottie asked, "You're sure?" and "Really? Well, if you change your mind…"

"Thanks, Dot," she lightly laughed.

"I don't know why you're so stubborn though, it's not like he's that far out your league. You just need to fix your hair a little bit and get a better brand of powder."

"It's not that easy."

"It's all it took me to get Bucky on my arm. That, and a better set of heels," she laughed.

"Yeah but you've always been pretty, Dot. Like, really pretty, and you know it. I guess some girls are for the James Barnes of this world, and some are the for the Steves."

She giggled as she said it, with not a hint of anger or resentment, and that's what stung the worst.

Bucky arranged to go see a late night movie with Dottie after that, while Steve and his girl went back to the apartment to listen to a boxing match on the radio and have some cherry sodas. Dottie went ahead to buy the tickets while Bucky walked them home, and after wishing him good night, she went upstairs to set things up. Steve was meant to go to the store and buy the drinks, but he stayed to chat with his friend a while.

"I can get some eggs and milk as well while I'm at it," he offered, swinging on his heels with his hands in his pockets.

"Sure."

"Or do we have enough for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Go ahead and buy them, pal," Bucky smiled, pretending to be less tired than he felt.

"Ok. And what about — darn!"

"What is it?"

"I just realized, I forgot to give her the keys," he said, taking a hand out of his pocket and holding them out. "I gotta get to the store, can you go up and give them to her?"

"Er, why don't —"

"You know I always trip on the stairs when I'm in hurry, Buck, they haven't changed the lightbulb yet. Don't make me do it."

"Fine, I'll go."

"I owe you big."

"You always do," he grinned, and took the keys from him.

Steve made off for the corner store, while Bucky started the long slow climb upstairs. It was completely dark inside at that hour, and the few candles some neighbours left to light the way had all gone out.

"Stevie, is that you?" he heard her call, standing right outside their door.

He kept one hand against the wall and walked his way toward her, stopping as he heard her whisper, "I think I lost the keys."

Blindly, she moved her hand forward, coming right across his chest. He felt her jolt at the unexpected contact, then burst into a giggle. Bucky could already feel the fanning of her breath right at the level of his chin. With an unseen smile, he took her hand, and placed the keys within it.

"Oh," she laughed. "You had them."

As her hand closed around them his own moved up her shoulder, fingers threading around her hair, and as he touched her jaw he felt her tilting slightly upward, shivering under the feeling.

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

He felt the warming tickle of her breath as he leaned close until, through the pitch black, he touched his lips to hers. Bucky did it lightly, just a little, just enough to taste and sip a kind of love he'd never really had. She stood surprised but took his kiss, and he felt her smiling into it, even beginning to kiss back just as he was parting from her.

"Your lips are softer than before," she giggled, in a sweet but altogether crushing way that made Bucky's heart beat stronger. "Stevie?"

Her hand moved through the air to touch him but felt nothing anymore, and down the stairs the heavy steps echoed, moving downward and away.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Fake dating au where demetris on his third strike with the school counselor so when they're about to fight again he holds his hand instead. Hawk cant help but blush and counselor Blatt jumps to conclusions and tries to be overly accepting

PFFFFT okay this is fuckin great

Like I’m just imagining Demetri doing the PETTIEST bullshit to get back at Hawk for that destroying-his-science-project business, like he writes “COBRA KAI SUCKS” all over his locker in sharpie in cleverly-disguised handwriting or pours soda on Hawk’s karate equipment and tough dude sportsballs (because come ON--Eli’s had the same locker combination for years, and just because he’s badass now doesn’t mean it would occur to him to change it) or steals his portable hair gel so that the ‘hawk will be sad and sagging by 6th period, and as soon as Hawk catches on to what’s going on, it doesn’t take long for him to figure out who’s behind all this chicanery. And he fuckin goes RIGHT up to Demetri during the next passing period (he knows exactly what part of the school that little nerd is in because he figured out and memorized Demetri’s class schedule SOLELY for harassment purposes and not because he likes him or anything) like “BRO YOU WANNA GO YOU WANNA FUCKIN GO” and Demetri gets ready to fight like “COME AT ME ASSHOLE” and Demetri’s getting ready to throw the world’s meanest punch to start the brawl (because his douchebag ex-best-friend ain’t the only one who can strike first) when the accursed Counselor Blatt rounds the corner.

She turns and fixes an icy glare right on them, and Demetri has to think fast. He unclenches his fist mid-punch and wraps a hand around Eli’s wrist. Eli’s hand flexes out in surprise, and before he can react, Demetri’s fingers have found their way up his wrist and laced with his own. Hawk’s face goes redder than his (already, sadly, beginning to sag) mohawk.

And fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Hawk was absolutely not prepared for this. He absolutely was not prepared for the same goddamn helpless sensation of vertigo to hit as that time he held Demetri’s hand during Red Rover in the 6th grade (how in the hell did a couple of losers like them get invited to play, anyways? The teacher probably made the other kids include them or something). And Hawk fucking hates how warm and pleasant Demetri’s hand feels in his own, and how it fills him with the same hopeless longing that he hoped he could punch away into oblivion as soon as Kreese started training him.

But here comes that stupid-ass counselor, and something tells him that now is not the time to yank his hand away and slam Demetri into the lockers behind them, no matter how much he would like to.

“Demetri? Eli?” Counselor Blatt looks back and forth between the two of them, perplexed. “What’s this?”

“What’s what, Counselor Blatt?” Demetri pulls Hawk closer and swings his other arm around the shorter boy’s shoulders. Hawk can only bristle in barely-concealed rage.

“Did I just...see you about to punch Eli?” she continues. “When you’ve been to our seminar on respectful alternatives to physical aggression?”

“Oh no, you misunderstand!” Demetri laughs, and Hawk wants to smack him. God, his laugh is annoying. He’s annoying. Hawk wants to scream into a wall and he’s not sure why.

“I was just in a hurry to hold my boyfriend’s hand,” he goes on gleefully. “I haven’t seen him all day! Is that okay with you, Counselor Blatt?” He gives the counselor a challenging stare, and Hawk almost feels sorry for the woman and how utterly lost she is.

“I thought you were upset with Mr. Moskowitz here for ruining your science project,” Counselor Blatt says slowly.

“Oh, that?” Demetri snorts. “We were just on a little break. I think that was my indication that good ol’ Eli wasn’t taking it too well. But we worked everything out, and it’s alllll good now!”

He gives the counselor his most winning grin, and Hawk just turns to gape at him. Out of all the absurd directions Demetri could’ve taken this thing, framing him throwing a soccer ball across the cafeteria to smash Demetri’s project as a couple’s fight was one Hawk had not seen coming.

But then again...that did kind of let him off the hook, didn’t it? If all of his messing with Demetri was nothing but silly relationship drama. After all, Counselor Blatt hadn’t lifted a finger when the utter spectacle that was Kyler and Sam LaRusso’s breakup had ravaged the school’s gossip chain.

“You know, you really should be more accepting of LGBT relationships,” Hawk says, making a point to pull out the kicked puppy expression. “It’s hurtful enough that my boyfriend and I get as many stares as we do from other students.”

“I...! Well! I mean!” Counselor Blatt splutters, looking everywhere but their eyes. “I think it’s great you boys are able to...express yourselves so freely! I want this school to be an environment where students of all sexualities are able to be themselves. I’m so happy West Valley High is such a diverse place!” She smiles, brightly but still very confused.

“With all due respect, Counselor Blatt, we’re not just some token gay couple.” Hawk doesn’t let up on the puppy dog eyes. “We’re just two guys who love each other. That’s all. All we want is to be accepted for who we are.”

He feels Demetri stiffen beside him with surprise, but the grip on his hand and around his shoulder doesn’t loosen in the slightest.

Demetri’s really acting like he doesn’t want to let go. He’s really committing to this façade.

Makes sense. When they were in middle school, Demetri always tried to be the class clown--not that it ever worked. Eli would always cheer him up by insisting he had a natural talent for improv. The kid isn’t half bad at acting, he’ll admit.

“And...you are accepted!” Counselor Blatt reassures awkwardly. “I’m...sorry I misunderstood your relationship, boys. I should be better about checking my heterosexual privilege.”

“Not to worry!” Demetri says cheerily. “Anyone who works at being a good ally to the community is always appreciated!”

Hawk resists the urge to roll his eyes. What was this, a fucking gay Sesame Street episode?

“Sorry again, Demetri. Eli. Have a nice day.”

As soon as Counselor Blatt shuffles around the corner and out-of-sight, Hawk tears his hand away (as...reluctant as he admittedly is to do so. Feeling another hand curled around his made him feel calmer and safer than he had in months, no matter what utter pussy’s it was. Disgusting. Kreese would never train him again if he found out, that was for sure.). He shoves Demetri hard--not into the lockers, not in any way that’ll make a noise to be noticed, but enough to knock the wind out of that fucking runt.

“What the fuck was that?” Hawk snarls.

Demetri crosses his arms and glowers at him. “I just saved both of us from a month of detention. It was only so long before she figured out Cobra Kai’s the aggressor around here just as much as Miyagi-Do is.”

Hawk surges forward and tries to shove him again, but Demetri is ready this time and quickly blocks. “What the hell was your grand plan, anyways?” he scoffs. “Pick a fight with me in the middle of the school day?”

Demetri sighs, starting to back away. “Eli, Eli, Eli. I know you’ve got a good brain in there, buddy. Maybe start using it, if all the punches to the head haven’t messed it up too much.”

He taps his head a couple times before turning and disappearing into the throng of students around them. Hawk groans.

Mitch doesn’t make matters better as they walk away. “Dude, were you blushing?”

“Shut the fuck up, man! I was just fucking embarrassed!”

Bert sniggers. “I’ll say. Should I start planning the wedding?”

“Don’t make me fucking deck you! Look...he wanted to stay out of trouble, and I realized I could spin it to our advantage. So I did. We’re in the clear for now.”

“Yeah, only took a bit of...hand-to-hand combat,” Mitch snickers. “What’s next? Judo wrestling him in the janitor’s closet?” He and Bert break out in giggles, and Hawk shoots them both his most seething glare.

“If you mention any of this to Sensei Kreese, I will kill you,” Hawk growls.

“Fair enough,” Mitch says, shrugging. Bert nods in agreement.

Hawk reminds himself to wail especially hard on both of them during practice today.

[negrowhat]

Like I’m ready to brawl for Wayu.

I’m gonna fight Pha first and then his good ole buddy Thanu.

[daleisgreat]

Getting Rowdy: The Unreleased Matches of Roddy Piper

A few months ago I covered the DVD set WWE released chronicling the ‘unseen’ matches of “Macho Man” Randy Savage. Today I continue that trend covering those lines of DVD collections with 2019’s Getting Rowdy: The Unreleased Matches of Roddy Piper (trailer). Like with WWE’s other ‘unreleased’ line of home videos, all the matches and segments featured in here have never been released on video before. With WWE already releasing a comprehensive three-disc DVD set to Piper with 2006’s Born to Controversy, that means we are getting a collection full of deep cuts here. This two disc DVD is compiled similarly to the Randy Savage set where we get original, newly recorded interviews intersperse with the archival content. The interviews are from Piper mega-fan, “Rowdy” Ronda Rousey which are mixed in with archived home video interviews with Piper for added context. There are six sets of Rousey interviews, and they are sporadically inserted throughout the collection which also features 19 matches, nine promos and 12 editions of Piper’s legendary interview show, Piper’s Pit. WWE has established that Rousey is essentially the endorsed successor to carry on the Piper legacy, with Ronda paying homage to “The Hot Rod” by rocking her version of Piper’s entrance attire and carrying on his nickname. With that in mind, having Ronda being the featured new set of interviews to draw from seems like a fitting choice to commemorate Piper’s career here and are nice ways to mix up this collection.

Ronda’s interviews are insightful on how she drew on Roddy for inspiration on MMA needing an antagonist, and how excited she was to finally meet him. I presumed she maintained a close relationship with Piper, and was surprised to learn in Rousey’s interviews here that she only met him once early in her MMA career when she got the blessing from Roddy to use his nickname and then a second time when she appeared on Pipers podcast, which was just a month shy of his death in July of 2015. Rousey went on to say one of her biggest regrets is not having a close relationship with him. There is a nice variety of the nine Piper interviews/promos included. There is a handful of the vintage Rock ‘n Wrestling era promos where Piper bellows out promos in front of a blue screen backdrop. A nice nostalgic bonus is a few vintage commercials where Piper maniacally shouts at you to purchase the latest WWE action figures. There are a few standout go-home PPV interviews here where Piper is on fire and by the end of them he got me just as fired up as Virgil for his upcoming WrestleMania match against Ted Dibiase, and on top of that is an especially intense promo with Bret Hart leading up to their WrestleMania VIII battle. There are three Roddy promos from his late 90’s WCW days, with a bewildering rant from a cell in Alcatrez and Hulk Hogan provoking Piper to cut loose on him and Bishoff in front of his son, Colt, standing out the most. These WCW promos have boisterous crowds capturing the high times WCW was riding at that time in the ‘Monday Night Wars.’

It is no surprise that Piper’s rougher, brawling style will not warrant many five star classics, but a fair amount of his 19 matches here have crowds eating up the chaos Piper is delivering. I have only seen a handful of Piper’s early NWA work before, so seeing a few more of his NWA matches unearthed for this set was a treat, and his match against Jay Youngblood is a smashmouth brawl that goes to a time limit draw, and I loved seeing Piper tag with Ole Anderson against Mike Davis and Buddy Landell. There are a lot of the big arena house show matches here that were previously televised only in local markets, and like a lot of those matches in other sets, usually feature good action until a hokey finish. That is the case here with a killer clash against Paul Orndorff in 1985 fresh into their rivalry, with the crowd going bokers for them until a double countout finish. Just as riveting is Piper’s match in this set against Rick Rude where the crowd is losing it throughout, but a lot of tomfoolery I will not even begin to explain transpires and is the catalyst for one of the strangest DQ finishes I have seen.

Piper teaming with Eddie and Blue-tista, looking like gold! Piper feuding with the nWo had the crowd on its feet! There are two matches on here against Mr. Perfect worth going out of your way to see. I know Mr. Fuji was an accomplished wrestler in the 70s, but never seen him in a match until this set where he is pummeled for a couple minutes against Piper until his fellow managers run in for the save. A lot of the latter matches in the back half of Getting Rowdy are quick TV matches with wonky finishes unfortunately, but for what it is worth, still draw rabid crowd reactions. There are two Nitro bouts included against Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage in 1998, but both bouts have several nWo run-ins that result in both matches being thrown out. I forgot about Piper’s brief 2003 run with Sean ‘O Haire, so it was nice to see those two again when Piper had a short encounter with Rikishi. The last match is an awesome impromptu bout against The Miz for $5000 of The Miz’s money, with Alex Reilly (remember him!?) as guest referee in 2011. I have zero recollection of this match, and even at a couple minutes long it was an absolute delight!

Getting Rowdy was jacked with 24 installments of Piper’s Pit, but WWE had quite a few more to draw upon from the vault with 12 more here. Some of the early ones in this collection that were a riot were where both Jimmy Hart and the Brooklyn Brawler ruthlessly provoke Roddy to giving them a a well-earned beatdown. There are a bunch in the second half of this set when Piper would periodically show up on RAW and SmackDown for a special Piper’s Pit. Two that really got me were one with John Cena where Piper does a tremendous job at needling Cena into living up to his then-current t-shirt slogan, ‘Rise Above Hate’ and another where Roddy moderates AJ Lee attempting to get back into Daniel Bryan’s good graces after costing him his WrestleMania match against Sheamus. I enjoyed this collection more than I anticipated. As I mentioned earlier, Piper was not known for his epic wrestling abilities, so I was not letdown from the wide range of match quality from the 19 matches in the set. There are a few matches that are hidden gems in here for what it is worth, but the real reason everyone should check out Getting Rowdy: The Unreleased Matches of Roddy Piper, is for the many unreleased promos and Piper’s Pit interviews. While he may not have been a five star wrestler, Piper was easily a five star entertainer, and that is readily apparent from beginning to end in this collection.

Those Piper action figure commercials are iconic, and this set is full of iconic promos I have never seen before where the Hot Rod made Virgil look like a million bucks! Past Wrestling Blogs Best of WCW Clash of Champions Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 2 Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 3 Biggest Knuckleheads Bobby The Brain Heenan Daniel Bryan: Just Say Yes Yes Yes DDP: Positively Living Dusty Rhodes WWE Network Specials ECW Unreleased: Vol 1 ECW Unreleased: Vol 2 ECW Unreleased: Vol 3 Eric Bishoff: Wrestlings Most Controversial Figure Fight Owens Fight: The Kevin Owens Story For All Mankind Goldberg: The Ultimate Collection Hulk Hogans Unreleased Collectors Series Impact Wresting Presents: Best of Hulk Hogan Its Good to Be the King: The Jerry Lawler Story The Kliq Rules Ladies and Gentlemen My Name is Paul Heyman Legends of Mid South Wrestling Macho Man: The Randy Savage Story Memphis Heat NXT: From Secret to Sensation NXT Greatest Matches Vol 1 OMG Vol 2: Top 50 Incidents in WCW History OMG Vol 3: Top 50 Incidents in ECW History Owen: Hart of Gold Randy Savage Unreleased: The Unseen Matches of the Macho Man RoH Supercard of Honor 2010-Present ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery Scott Hall: Living on a Razors Edge Shawn Michaels: My Journey Sting: Into the Light Straight Outta Dudley-ville: Legacy of the Dudley Boyz Straight to the Top: Money in the Bank Anthology Superstar Collection: Zach Ryder Then Now Forever – The Evolution of WWEs Womens Division TLC 2017 TNA Lockdown 2005-2016 Top 50 Superstars of All Time Tough Enough: Million Dollar Season True Giants Ultimate Fan Pack: Roman Reigns Ultimate Warrior: Always Believe War Games: WCWs Most Notorious Matches Warrior Week on WWE Network Wrestlemania III: Championship Edition Wrestlemania 28-Present The Wrestler (2008) Wrestling Road Diaries Too Wrestling Road Diaries Three: Funny Equals Money Wrestlings Greatest Factions WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2017

[otakween]

Cyborg 009 vs. Devilman - Episode 2

Okay, this one had a bit of “middle episode syndrome,” but that’s to be expected. They needed to do some exposition dumping to set up the grand finale. There was still some good action thrown in there and the animation was solid.

Notes:

-I think the way they’re merging the world of cyborgs and demons is creative enough. It’s a little clunky how they’re introducing new characters and being like “oh yeah, he was totally there all along!” but I’ll buy it. (I mean the main plot is constantly introducing Gilmore’s “colleagues” anyway)

-The “higher teens” cyborgs are very cheesy. The name “higher teens” is super clunky and the fact that they’re uniforms are just black versions of the main cyborgs is a little on the nose

-The Devilman characters are so weird. I don’t really know what to make of them. They seem very chaotic neutral or something. Miki just rolls with the punches I guess. I think it’s pretty funny how the cyborgs keep being like “Black Ghost!?” and the Devilman folks are just like “...no?” lol everyone’s confused.

-Joe’s messy post-surgery hair looked just as wonky as his normal hair. I didn’t like how they drew it in weird clumps.

-Joe’s “chaste hero” schtick continues as every other guy gets a love interest and he gets his Mom lol. I guess Lilith couldn’t have done a Francoise illusion if she’s standing right there?

-Speaking of Lilith, she has a very cool design (I’m sure it’s from the manga) I love her “lures” on her skirt/tentacles

-This scene was great:

(finally we get some actual transformations from 007, unlike the CGI shows...)

-Jet and Joe’s little action sequence outside of the Dolphin was great and beautifully animated. Jet reloading his blasters was especially badass. 

-I didn’t notice that the cyborgs had stupid anime belts until the final shot lol. Very Final Fantasy

-I guess the next episode will just be a big ol’ brawl. I hope we get to see the cyborgs and the Devilman good guys reconciling and being buddy-buddy too. I’m really more interested in character stuff than fights. We’ll see 

[weaselle]

DEAD EARTH MASTER POST

DEAD EARTH CHAPTER ONE

Breen was in over his head, he could tell that much. But when the crowd in the arcade pit had started to close in on the man with the ears, Breen had stepped up beside him without thinking. The man was tall, with dark skin, and when his hat had gotten knocked off revealing ears that were, fox? cat? well, several of the crowd were Colony Loyalists, and they began hissing things like “shifter” and “genie” and one of them shoved the man from behind. Breen shoved that man back, and when the man with the ears had darted away through the crowd Breen didn’t fancy being left alone with a bunch of loyalist knucklers, so he dipped along with him.

They exited into an alley through a door that caused alarms to sound, and footed it fast just ahead of a six pack of the loyalists, turned a corner, and found themselves trapped in a dead end alley. The man with the ears was pressing buttons on his belt.

“Hey,” said Breen, “those guys are gonna be --“ and then they were, and it was too late.

____________________________________________________________________

Three of them turned out to have sticks of some kind, and two of those went for Mr. Ears while the other one paired up with an unarmed buddy of his to lay into Breen.

It was happening too fast for him to keep track of, he took a numbing blow to the shoulder, landed a punch to someone’s ribs, caught a fist on his cheekbone, grabbed a wrist and yanked someone hard into the wall to his back. The three combatants next to him were a busy blur “Get them down so we can tie ‘em” yelled one of the two still in the mouth of the alley, and Breen had an ankle kicked out from under him and went to one knee. The man with the ears and his attackers brushed by him and the attacker facing Breen was sort of gathered into that brawl. “Fuck!” somebody shouted, as someone else screamed in horror and pain, and all of a sudden there was nothing happening, as the group of men stood back from them.

Breen stood back up. The man he’d yanked into the wall had retreated halfway down the alley and was leaned over with his hands on his knees pouring blood out of his nose. One of the others was in a crumpled heap at the feet of the dude with ears, a messy hole in the side of his neck. Ears, crouching slightly, was covered in blood and grinning a fanged expression devoid of humor.

“You gene-shifted piece of shit,” said one of the men, stepping through the rest to stand in front of them. He unzipped his light jacket, and they could see the butt of a gun holstered under his arm. “you’re gonna die”

“I may,” said the man with the ears, “ but you definitely will. I’m a Galloglas”

That seemed to faze the man facing them, and he stopped. Into the second he spent frozen, a woman’s voice sounded from the mouth of the alley. “Hoy, Jackal, you need a hand in here?”

The man with the ears, Jackal, wiped his hands on the back of his pants and straightened, “Good to see you Captain, these fellows and I were just playing a game of Guess Who’ll Die”

“Oh,” she looking at the men in front of her “for fun? Or, are we taking bets. Because I bet it’s them.”

Their attackers were stuck between Jackal, Breen, and the woman behind them, and they didn’t like that at all. Some of them had turned and Breen got a look at her, leaning a shoulder against the wall nonchalantly, one hand hanging loose near her hips while she inspected the nails of the other. One of the loyalists glanced back at Jackal, looked at her again, said “Fuck this” and left, edging very carefully past the woman at end of the alley. The guy with the busted nose went with him.

“And then there were three,” said the woman, tilting her head and looking at the remaining men with mild interest.

The guy with the gun said “Galloglas, hunh?”

“I am,” said the woman.

“I hear you folks think you’re hot shit”

“Some people seem to think so,” she shrugged

The man with the shoulder holster sneered, “Well I think --“ and his hand snaked under his arm.

“He’s -- !“ Breen started to shout a warning, but suddenly the woman’s fist had a pistol in it and she had somehow already fired three shots and was holstering it before the man ever got his own weapon out.

“-- got a gun...” Breen finished, shocked, looking down at the three dead men.

The woman ignored him and brushed past, going to Jackal. “You okay, Jacks?”

“Yeah, lost my hat, these fools got a look at my ears, made a thing out of it. Sorry, Captain”

“Here,” she said, unwinding a scarf from her neck and handing to Jackal, who used it as a headscarf to conceal his ears once more. “Who’s your friend?” she asked him, indicating Breen with her head.

“Dunno, he stepped up when these colony boys closed on me in the arcade.”

“Any good?”

Jackal lifted a shoulder “He can take a punch”

“Hey,” said Breen, “Hey! I’m like, right here”

Neither of them looked at him; Jackal grinned. “Sticks up for himself” he observed, then quirked an eyebrow, “and for others...”

“Right,” said the woman, turning to face Breen “I’m Hex, what’s your name?”

“I’m Freghzer Breenlund, from Americo Lunar 4, but my friends call me Breen; nice to meet you” he said, holding out his hand.

Hex left his hand hanging there and squinted at him in amused judgement “You always tell such long stories Breen?” Before he could come up with a reply she said “C’mon fresh-face, this is an awful lot of dead bodies for this part of the system, we gotta get out of here. But first you’re gonna help me an’ Jacks stick these fuckers in bottom of this garbage tank.”

A little while later, they arrived at a bar. Well, a place that sold alcohol and had places to sit, anyway. Jackal had led them there, saying “the drinks would be overpriced if they paid you to have one, but nobody’s likely to notice some suspicious stains. Or a gunbelt, probably” eyeballing his captain, who had rolled her eyes and shrugged into a long thin coat from her small pack.

Hex sniffed her shot glass and set it carefully back down. Wouldn’t do to spill it, she mused, probably melt the table. Her crewman Jacques was sitting comfortably looking around the room in an idle, way, but she’d known ol’ Jackal for so many years she could tell when he was on edge.

And embarrassed. He was supposed to stay on the low, not cause a four body pile-up - that was shitty, she caught herself, he shouldn’t have to be embarrassed that those bigots were willing to fight to the death over their hatred of what, of who, he was. This trouble was not his fault, and she’d have to be sure to remind him she knew that when there was time. It was still trouble though, and had to be dealt with.

“How’d the thing go,” she asked him. He looked at her and gave a very small shake of his head. Ah. Well, the bad luck was just rolling in today, wasn’t it. She briefly laid her hand on his while looking directly into his eyes, broadcasting  reassurance and respect. He blinked and nodded slightly and took a deep breath. Went back to scanning the room for trouble.

Fresh-face had almost stopped choking on the shot he had downed. Dumb-ass from the Triad Lunar Colonies. Sure was pretty though. “Hey kid,” she said, wondering how old he was “ if you’re from Americo 4, whatchew doin’ in the Euro Quarters?”

“What? I’m-“ he coughed again, “I’m like, the same age you are.”

“Doubtful” said Hex, baiting him, rolling her eyes.

“Well” he seemed less sure, “I’m no kid, anyway. I’m 32 years old”

That wasn’t so bad. Carried himself like he was ten years younger though, fucking colonists. “So what brings you to the EQ?”

Breen’s eyes went sideways, and he ducked his head slightly as he mumbled “tried to win the VR Sprite Class Obstacle Open”

Hex narrowed her eyes “Really. VR pilot, are you?”

“No.”

“No?!”

“No, I’m an actual pilot. Real ships.”

Hex laughed “Oh no, Breeny, Breeny no, tell me you didn’t think you could win in the Lunar Pro VR racing circuit because you can fly a real ship.”

“Yes. I’m good at it.” he declared sullenly.

“Oh! Well then,” she responded too cheerfully, “I didn’t realize you were a good pilot. Won the Sprite Obstacle Cup no problem then, I  imagine, good pilot like you, hmm?”

She could see he didn’t like it, but he just looked down into his empty shot glass. “No.”

Awww. She stopped teasing. “So... how’d you do?”

“Lost in the 5th heat”

Shit, that wasn’t bad, really. For a non-pro newbie. “Don’t feel too down, Breeny, VR is very similar to reality, but it’s not exactly the same as racing a real ship, and the people you were racing, they live in that difference every day.”

“Yeah,” he said bitterly, “I sort of caught on to that”

“So what is it that has a good pilot like you entering the VR pro racing circuit, anyway? Can’t find a real ship to fly?”

Breen sighed a big sigh. “That’s not it. I have a ship, nice little sprite class hauler. Saved up for a decade, thought I found one just needed a bunch of cosmetic work, real good price. Then as soon as I bought the ship, these new licensing fees got voted in, plus it turns out the guy I bought from had rigged the torque rings with fucking pig iron bearings -- worked fine for the test flight, broke the bearings to pieces on the way back to Luna. Half melted one of the torque rings and damaged some of the back end frame running her dirty to get to a dock.” He stared morosely at the table top, drawing invisible circles with the bottom of his empty shot glass. “By the time I had the paperwork cleared and the frame repairs done, replaced the inner ring and outfitted it with proper chromed titanium bearings, I’d spent all the money I had saved to start my first venture. So. Got a ship. Got a crew even. But I’m broke and I can’t use my ship and crew to go earn some money ‘cause I can’t fuel up or supply the ship at all, and the crew wants bank trust receipts up front. Fuck. Fuck! I really needed to win that race.” He looked ready to cry.

Hex was intrigued. He wasn’t cutting very fine a figure as a captain, but she could respect the hustle. Plus, the whole thing was lining up to work out just the way she needed it, and that was a rare thing indeed. “Hey,” she said, waiting until he met her eyes. “Sometimes these things have a way of working out. I just may be the answer to your problems. Although, in true Galloglas fashion I’d be answering your problems with more problems.” Breen was looking confused. “Breen, my lad, you’ll never guess what Jackal and me were doing at the EQ Arcadium... care to guess? No? That’s no fun, okay fine, well, as a matter of fact, we were there trying to hire a ship. And we can pay up front.” She half turned her head without letting her eyes leave Breen’s. “What do you think, Jacks?”

“What do I think?” said Jackal, staring over her shoulder toward the front door “What I think is those two assholes from the alley went and found some friends from higher up the food chain, that’s what I think”

[mianite-3-unofficial]

Maybe a Mobster

He’d grown too fond of wandering the streets in the week he was there.

Every nook and cranny of the town was his, every alley between buildings, every single inch of the city. He’d adventured through it all, seen every bit, but even then he couldn’t get enough. Four years of nothing then being hit with all of this? It was beautiful, overwhelming. Tom was insatiable, to say the very least.

He wandered the marketplace, taking in the array of smells that wafted through the air, sweat, spice, the exotic flowers sold at one of the booths a sickly sweet overtone. Mot, Dianite and him had all argued over what the marketplace smelled the most like. Mot said it was the spices. Tom insisted it was those flowers, pungent and beautiful. Dianite, however, claimed the most outstanding stench was of the cold pretentiousness every single merchant carried like a mantle upon their shoulders (every single merchant besides himself, of course).

Whatever smell hit the hardest didn’t matter. Tom itched, craved something. A fight, maybe. A good ol’ brawl like he used to have, a little taste of anarchy, without having to worry about trials or laws or anything like that. He missed it, some days. Then he remembered Dianite was dead there, and beat the nostalgia out of him with an emotional baseball bat. Did they play baseball here? Or know what it was? His hands curled into fists. Champion to Dianite, an absolute fuckin mad-lad-

“Pardon-“

He swung without thinking, fist cracking hard against someone’s face. Nobody even noticed, too wrapped up in their own business. Tom looked at his fist, panting, then lowered his hand, rushing over to the person he had just punched. They were clutching their face, the hood that covered their head hiding most of the damage.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, you scared the piss outta me!”

The person lowered their hands, and Tom caught a glimpse of bandages before the hood obscured everything. Wow, isn’t that just fuel to the guilt fire!

“Is fine, is fine,” they said, voice carrying a thick accent, “I would’ve done the same if it were you. You behind me. Would’ve broken your jaw, though. Eh? Not first time I’ve been socked in face. Uh. I’m looking for someone.”

“Oh? Buddy, I can’t help you with that, I’ve only been here for like, a week or so.”

“No no no,” the person insisted, “I want to see if you can. You punched me, least you can do is, er, help me.”

Tom paused, but then nodded. That made sense.

“So,” Tom asked, leaning into the persons space, “Who’re you looking for?”

The person looked around, then leaned in close.

“A man my father sent me to find. Said he had a peculiar mark- a lotus flower, pierced with a knife. Now I don’t know what the fuck a lotus flower is-“

“I know just the place to start!” Tom exclaimed, “there’s a booth that sells flowers. I’ll show you where it is.”

Tom took the man by the wrist and pulled him to the crowd, following his nose to the odor of many, many flowers. Some had vases, others were suspended in a globe of water to keep from dehydrating. A woman in a lovely red dress looked the both of them up and down.

“Hi, I need to see a lotus flower? Got one of those you can show me?”

“You planning to buy?” She snipped.

Yikes.

Tom patted his pockets, finding them empty. Well, empty besides that rock he found at Ladias, but the little pebble wouldn’t do anything to help them. He grabbed the person by their wrist and pulled them through the crowd.

“Where are we go?”

“A friends house, so we can get the flower.”

The person sighed in relief, letting Tom lead them along.

—

Mot answered the door on the second knock. What a sight he and this stranger must’ve been, standing there.

“Tom? What’s-“

“I need a loan. Just like. 5.”

“5?”

“I don’t know how currency works here!!”

Mot looked the stranger over, face unreadable.

“And what’s this for..?”

“A flower,” they said in unison.

Mot sighed, but reached inside of his pocket and pulled out a few shiny coins. Tom snatched them out of his hands, thanking him profusely. Without another word, Tom nodded and started running to the marketplace, the stranger close behind. He could ask for their name later.

Soon enough, they were in front of the stand with the flowers, panting and sweaty. The lady stared at them strangely, but automatically brightened up the second the coin touched the table. With a flick of the wrist, a little bubble of water floated over to her. She gestured very broadly, the water opening around the lotus like a flower blooming another flower, and Tom held out his hands. The flower dropped in his hands. It looked sorta familiar, somehow.

“Huh,” The stranger said.

“Didn’t you say there was a knife?” Tom asked. They nodded. Tom pondered where they could get a knife before he realized, uh, duh, he had one strapped to his belt. He pulled it out, curved blade shining in the sun, and stabbed it through the flower. The woman behind the stand looked like she was about to have a stroke. It looked even more familiar, but he couldn’t place his finger on it.

“So, like, this?”

The stranger nodded, and Tom pulled the knife from the flower. So familiar...

The knife heated up in his hand.

Oh!

“Wait!” He cried. The stranger stopped in their tracks, which wasn’t very meaningful since they were only like. Two feet away.

“What?”

Tom pulled up his shirt, showing the sigil- a lotus flower pierced with a knife.

“I’m the dude you’re looking for!”

The stranger rushed to him, shushing him frantically, but regardless, their fingers slipped under his shirt, feeling the lines of the sigil.

“Oh,” they breathed, “It’s good to meet you, er. Name?”

“Tom. And you?”

They leaned in.

“Lev Deorum. Praise be to Dianite.”

“Hell yeah-“

“We can’t talk here,” Lev said, “Too many, um, hearing. Follow me.”

Tom’s heart was in his throat, anticipation making his fingertips buzz like a live wire. Now this was what he missed! Mischief and secrets and dicking around in the name of Dianite, going against all the rules.

He smiled to himself, following Lev with a pep in his step.

Maybe this was this universes equivalent of being a mobster...

...well, only time would tell.

[hazyheel]

WWE Smackdown Live 8/13/19 Review

Kevin Owens Promo: The crowd was very happy to see Owens, chanting his name loud and proud the second that he came out. He talked about his time in WWE, and how honored he was to be here, and then he put himself over for beating Shane McMahon. Then he started to talk about the King of the Ring Tournament. He said that he needed his name on the list of King of the Ring winners, although he didn’t mention King Barrett, which was funny. Shane McMahon came out to interrupt. The crowd absolutely hated everything that Shane was saying, and he was such a wonderful dick. He really is an effective heel, he just doesn’t need to be in matches so often. Then they talked about what it meant to be a man. Owens said that it was about standing up for what you believe in, but Shane said that none of that mattered because he was a cheater. He also said that Elias was so traumatized by Owens beating him with a chair that he was given the night off. But he also said that, since Elias was a referee during that match, Owens will be fined for attacking him. Owens then said that the fine was crap, because to the little guy like him, 100 thousand dollars was a lot of money, but Shane refused to stop. 

Backstage, Owens burst into Shane’s dressing room, but Shane told him that if he attacked him, then he would be sued. Shane made it seem like the only reason the fine was so large was because he attacked an official, which made Owens so mad that he threw a chair into a TV. 

Grade: B. I was actually kinda into this. Shane’s heel work was really good, and this was a genuinely good way to continue their feud. It makes a lot of sense, but I don’t particularly want to see it continue. Maybe if they do an interesting stipulation it’ll be worth watching. But that’ll take a lot, so hopefully they do a good job. 

Charlotte Flair vs. Ember Moon: the two started with a bit of grappling and some nice looking strikes. Charlotte utilized her power advantage as she refused to let Moon hit any of her big offense. She also wound up the already white hot crowd, and wound up wiping out Moon during a suicide dive as she did. Ember responded with a low dropkick and another suicide dive, but only a near fall. The two then fought to the outside and continued their brutal brawl, as charlotte threw Moon into the barricade and the apron. When we came back from the commercial break, Charlotte had begun to target the leg and soften it up for her signature submission, but that didn’t stop Moon from using her educated feet to stay in control. Moon even hit a sort of codebreaker for a near fall, and tried to follow up with an eclipse, but Charlotte threw her off by her hair. Ember still had some fight left in her, hitting several high impact moves for near falls, but Charlotte was still able to lock in a Figure Eight for the win. 

Grade: B. Another good segment. Lots of back and forth here and some really good wrestling. Moon looked really good in defeat, and Charlotte looks like they have some plans for her coming up. She could be the one to end Bayley’s title reign, but more likely is that she is just the next contender, which makes sense. But Smackdown was off to quite a good start. 

Daniel Bryan and Rowan Promo: The two were mostly out to address the accusations made against Rowan, the ones that Buddy Murphy made about attacking Roman Reigns. Bryan denied the accusation, called Buddy Murphy a liar. He then said that he didn’t blame Murphy, because he would agree to anything if his face was pressed against a wall. The only problem was that he gave the wrong name. He blamed the rumors spreading on social media, and said that in today’s age that rumors become truth because of the internet. They said that they would prove it wasn’t them, before walking away. 

Grade: B. Okay, I’m into a whodunnit. These are really fun if they are done well, and this seems like they are doing it well. Accusing a bunch of heels, one at a time, and having them get super mad. It gives Roman a storyline close to the top of the card without him chasing a title, gives him a nice set of opponents for TV and pay per views, and will probably end up giving us a bunch of good matches that we may not have seen due to Roman’s high status in the company. I am really into the storyline, and Bryan’s promo was fiery and exciting. Good stuff. 

Shane McMahon Interview: he was going to talk about Kevin Owens’ opponent for later on in the night, but Samoa Joe came in and said that he wanted the match. Shane made the match. 

Aleister Black Backstage: he talked about who had a debt to pay to him. Same ‘ol thang, asking someone to knock on his door and pick a fight with him.  He is going to need a real storyline sooner or later. 

Buddy Murphy vs. Roman Reigns: Reigns started things out by forcing Murphy into the corner, but Murphy quickly fought out and nailed a high knee, showing everyone exactly how good he is. The two quickly spilled to the outside, where Reigns chucked Murphy clean over the announce table. He tried to follow up with a drive by, but Murphy dodged it and pushed Reigns into the steel stairs, following it up with a meteroa off the stairs. As the two continued to jockey for control, Reigns hit an awesome powerbomb for a near fall, and Murphy sold it beautifully. Murphy gave him a receit, with several hard strikes to push Roman to the outside and a great tope con hilo. Murphy put Reigns back in the ring and gave him another meteora, but only a near fall. Reigns got himself back into the match after a series of clubbing blows and a superman punch, but Murphy didn’t stay down, giving reigns a pair of high knees, a Kamagoye (like Kota Ibushi, a knee to the head of a kneeling opponent) and then a great brainbuster for a near fall. Murphy tried to go up top, but Reigns gave him a hard right hand to knock him into the barricade. Reigns then gave him a superman punch and a spear that turned Murphy inside out for the win.

Grade: A-. Holy crap, this was a great match! Genuinely great stuff, with a lot of hard hitting action from both guys, Murphy showing his style and some great moves in the process. But Murphy really was the more impressive one. His selling made this match incredible, and I hope that he continues to impress in his King of the Ring matches. Roman looked great too, and the match was so good that I didn’t even mind that Murphy lost. It was a good match to lose in. Match of the night. 

Revival Interview: the two talked about how the New Day were to blame for a whole mob of people ran down during their match on Raw. They say that they are making a mockery of the tag team division. So, they will teach them a lesson. 

New Day interview: Big E and Xavier Woods defended themselves, saying that they did not ruin the tag division, but they ruined a whole bunch of other stuff. Kingston then talked about how he needed to defend his family, so he doesn’t care that he got disqualified. 

Kevin Owens vs. Samoa Joe, with Elias as the special guest enforcer: Owens was pretty pissed when Elias came down. Also, I didn’t mention his earlier, but the 24/7 championship rules were suspended for the night as well. Joe quickly retreated to the outside, where Elias basically refused to let Owens get any offense. So Joe took control during that time, and forced Owens to the ground with work on the neck. Owens was eventually able to put Joe on the ground and nail a swanton for a near fall. Owens then tried for a Stunner, but Joe was able to lock in a Koquina Clutch. Owens pushed Joe away and hit a pop up powerbomb, but Elais pulled the ref out of the ring. Owens and Elias then argued in the ring, and Joe rolled him up. Elias then fast counted him and Joe won the match. 

Grade: C+. Decent match here, and an annoying thing for Elias to do. Good way to continue this mini feud going into their King of the Ring match next week. 

Daniel Bryan and Rowan Backstage: the two walked into the locker room and told everyone to leave, which left just them and Buddy Murphy. Bryan got right up in his face and told him to admit that he was lying. Murphy just sat there as Bryan yelled at him, and eventually Rowan grabbed him and threw him around the room in a brutal fashion. They pushed him right up against the wall and continued to scream at him, and Murphy said that he lied. They thanked him, hit him just a bit more, and walked away. And suddenly as strong as he looked in that match, he looked a hell of a lot weaker. 

New Day vs. The Revival: before the start of the match, Randy Orton came out and insulted Kingston for running away from their fight at Summerslam. He said that he could never beat Orton in a straight up match. Orton said that he took the easy way out, and that his family will be ashamed of him. He said that he would be willing to give him another chance. He suggested that they make the match a six man tag, and that is what happened. 

Orton and Kingston started the match off, and Orton seemed pretty agitated by Kingston’s willingness to fight, so he tagged out to Scott Dawson. The heels had the advantage early on, and beat down Xavier woods in a three on one assault that focused on the arm. . Woods fought back into the match a bit, but was quickly thrown to the outside and planted on the announce table. Woods eventually tagged in Big E, who destroyed the heels with his unbelievable power. Kingston took out Orton with a suicide dive, but when Woods was tagged back in, the Revival quickly gained the advantage back and got the win with a Shatter Machine.

After the match, the heels beat down Big E and Woods. They were going to break Big E’s leg, but Kingston ran in and gave Dawson a Trouble in Paradise. Orton then slid in the ring and dropped Kingston with an RKO. But Orton wasn’t done there, giving Xavier Woods and Big E RKO’s as well, along with a second RKO to Kingston. 

Grade: B+. Really good match and a hot way to close out the show. It was a violent attack from the heels, and actually made me excited to see more of Orton vs. Kingston. Also, a Revival vs. New Day feud is a feud that is happening two years late, so I’m more than happy to watch this play out in that way. Should be an awesome match if they decide to do it at Clash of Champions. Certainly one that I would look forward to. 

Daniel Bryan, Rowan and Roman Reigns backstage: Bryan demanded that Reigns apologize to him for assuming that they were the ones to attack. Reigns looked like he was about to fight, but Bryan told him that they know who did it, and that they will reveal it next week. So Reigns backed off. 

Overall Grade: B

Pros: Reigns whodunnit; charlotte vs. moon; murphy vs. reigns; main event; 

Cons: murphy looks pretty weak right now; more of owens vs. shane

[kokichi-and-co-imagine-blog]

Day 1 of the December fic Advent calendar!! Hagakure Walks Into a Bar....

The night was a hazy string of bar crawling and spilled drinks. Hagakure wasn't too fond of the holiday season, and it showed. He would creep on over to another bar and drink until he felt he needed more from somewhere else. Hagakure came upon a small neon sign that said drinks and pointed up a flight of stairs. He didn't know where he was, but he thought in his inebriated mind that this would be his last stop for tonight's binge. Hagakure took the stairs slowly. He could hardly walk a straight line let alone get up a stairwell in a timely manner. To the drunken fortune-teller it took an hour to reach the top. Hagakure had to brace himself against the wall opposite the door and catch his breath. Raising his eyes slowly, Hagakure could make out a checkered floor and a bunch of people in white jackets sitting all around the interior.

“Must be some new biker gang,” Hagakure thought to himself dully. With a confident step he walked into the bar. As he approached the bar he could feel the haze lifting from his mind. With clarity slowly returning, Hagakure noticed what looked like a kid sitting at the bar with dyed hair. He didn't really care, was probably some really small guy with purple hair anyways. Hagakure dropped himself at the bar and asked for a bottle of fireball whiskey. The guy who he noticed was on the phone with someone. Scanning the room, Hagakure noticed clown masks hung on the wall along with cartoonishly ridiculous weaponry. Even some of the patrons were wearing similar masks. He uncapped the bottle and took a deep drink, seemed like he'd need it.

“I own a bar for my organization baby face, not some watering hole for the crime world. If you guys don't like our unique aesthetic, then why don't you just strongarm another little joint,” mocked the guy on the phone. An audible “Bastard!” came from the phone that took Hagakure by surprise.

“Love you too baby gangster, nishishi~ Talk to you later~~”

With a clang the purpled haired guy put his phone down and asked for a grapeschlager. Hagakure knew he'd usually feel uneasy about hearing that, but he didn't care. The warm burn of the whiskey took his mind off that. The supposed owner turned to Hagakure with a smile and asked,

“So what brings you here on this cold night stranger?”

“Well dude…. I don't know why I came here tonight,” the whiskey started getting him back to unsteady but talkative, “I got the feeling that something ain't right.”

“Maybe I should introduce myself, I'm Kokichi. The owner of this little slice of heaven, if you didn't pick up on that. What's your name buddy?”

“Yasuhiro Haga-fuckin-kure, fortune teller who hates the holidays, in the middle of a bar crawl. Nice to meet ya duu-u-uoh fuck--” Hagakure felt a wave of dizziness wash over him, the floor and the ceiling switching places, the whole room bending and warping on all sides.

“Hey silly, you okay? I think you've had enough to drink there!” Kokichi said half laughing, a little worried for this possibly homeless man.

“I'm just scared in case I fall off my chair my dude, and I'm wondering how I'll get back down the stairs.” Hagakure shot back, catching his breath and killing the bottle of whiskey.

“Look, Hagakure was it? I think it'd be better to stick around here than leave. We may look a little weird but we're all good people, honest!” Kokichi said with a cheery smile, trying to put Hagakure at ease. He didn't want to deal with some drunken guy off the street getting into a brawl with someone.

“Kokichi, I've got Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, and here I am, stuck in the middle with you. You might just be my favorite part of this night man,” Hagakure clumbsily said, slapping Kokichi's back in a chummy manner, “Ya ever hear the joke… 'a Hagakure walks into a bar, and he knocks himself out?’ eh? Have ya heard that one little dude??”

Kokichi had to stifle the laughter building in his gut, letting out a breathy chuckle. It didn't last long before he was whining with laughter at that dad joke.

“Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you.

And I'm wondering what it is I should do,

It's so hard to keep this smile from my face! Nishishishishishii, I've lost control, yeah, I'm all over the place now!!!” Kokichi belted out, clutching his sides  how hard he was laughing,

“Clowns to the left of us, jokers to the right, and here we are stuck in the middle! Nishishiiii~” Kokichi slammed his glittery drink, feeling the faint texture of gold leaf sticking to his tongue.

“Duuuudes, you've gotta be proud of all this. A big ol’ group of friends, a bar, this must be the life. You're a self made man! I can see that you came from nothing, to this! I love a rags to riches story my grape friend…” Hagakure said, hold his face in his hands. It felt like all the blood in his body had fallen to his feet and that he was about to pass out.

“Yo Hagakure? Are you feeling okay?? You look a bit pale bud.” Kokichi tilted his head. Hagakure stood up, holding one hand on the bar.

“I-is it cool to go to sleep on the floor?

'Cause I don't think  that I can take anymohhhre---” Hagakure collapsed to the floor, the alcohol finally caught up with him. Kokichi tried  to wake him up, some of his underlings helping. Hagakure was out cold.

“Take this poor guy to the back and make sure he's okay. The last thing  we need are the cops coming to ask questions about a dead homeless guy.” Kokichi sounded detached, but he did  actually want him to be okay. Hagakure seemed like a fun guy, plus a fortune teller would be perfect for D.I.C.E.

[atmilliways]

Stuck on the Outside Failing to Look In (Just Like in Real Life)

This @mtl-trick-or-treat​ fic is for @tanyonlee​, who asked for either a treat of “Very cute Skwistok!!” or a trick of “Skwisgaar and his gmiltf girlfriend XDDD.”

It’s your lucky Halloween dude, because I wrote BOTH. In five parts. I hope you like 8300+ word fics. 💩 

Here’s part one! (1412 words)

~

Excerpt from Skwisgaar Is Ams Dick by T. Wartooth, chapter four (“Skwisgaar Is Ams Slut”), pages 132-133:

Everyones knows that Skwisgaar will does just abouts anybodies. That ain’ts the halfs of it! Every times ol’ Toki starts talkings to a beautiesful girl, Skwisgaar rolls right ups and starts the whisperings horny nothings to her ear what’s like I’m not theres. Fucking rudes! Then he goes and screws thems. Sometimes they don’t even bothers to leaves the room! And it’s not evens like whats the ladies are really sluts. Some ofs them ams real nice, whats have hopes and dreams and real goods teeth and everything. Some even haves the boobs thats am all naturals, just like mothers makes ‘em, though nots veries often ‘cause most groupies gets them sized ups whats to catch our attention betters.

But anyways, the ladies ain’ts the sluts, Skwisgaar ams. The ladies only wants to sleeps with likes four, maybies five guys, because we ams super mega famous. Skwisgaar ams the ones who doesn’ts cares whos he puts the you-know-whats sausage into sides of as longs as he gets to does it! You barlies ever see his ass with the sames lady twice!! He ams physicallies uns-capable of even gettings that close to settling downs and I can proves it. Ins this chapter I wills...

~

“... In other news, Toki Wartooth seems to be on the Toki Warpath! He’s been arrested seventeen times in the last two months alone, and at last night’s Dethklok concert in Washington DC actually lept from the stage and started it all-out brawl. The incident ended up outing several ultra-conservative Senators and House Representatives as closet Dethklok fans, despite having made so much effort to distance themselves from the group in the past. Thanks to the staff at prominent DC hospitals that leaked copies of the intake forms to the press, they’ve got quite a bit of explaining to do to their constituents.

“And that’s the Dethklok Minute!”

~

Groupie Debriefing Transcript

ID: 174849464438

               [ x] Returning                [ x] Approved for return

On file:

    [ x] Pain waiver     [ x] STI screen upon arrival     [ x] STI screen prior to debriefing     [   ] Paternity waiver     [ x] Medical record of infertility due to                [   ] Hysterectomy                [   ] Tubal ligation                [ x] Menopause                [   ] Other: ________

Name: Beulah Rosenberg

Rating: GMILF

Debriefing Agent: 7982

7982: Please state for the record which members of Dethklok you interacted with on this visit.

ROSENBERG: Just Skwisgaar.

7982: Skwigelf?

ROSENBERG: Is there more than one Skwisgaar floating around here, dear?

7982: Just being thorough, ma’am.

ROSENBERG: Oh good. I don’t think he would like that, he’s a very sensitive boy you know. Being unique is very important to him.

7982: I’m aware, ma’am. And what was the purpose of your visit?

ROSENBERG: I don’t kiss and tell, dear.

7982: Um, okay. And you were with him from approximately 3:15pm yesterday to 8:45am this morning, is that correct?

ROSENBERG: That sounds about right. And we spent most of that time talking, for your information.

7982: Talking? With Lord Skwigelf? Instead of, uh... I mean, isn’t that a bit unusual? In your experience? Which... you’ve been on file here for several years now.

ROSENBERG: Eight years, nine next September. It is a bit of a change, but not necessarily a recent one. He’s been more introspective ever since... I’d say a little bit before his little band mate got kidnapped, but definitely more so after that.

7982: And I see from our records that he’s been requesting your presence more often since roughly that time. Was all that, uh, mostly taking as well?

ROSENBERG: Well... mostly.

7982: Grandma!

ROSENBERG: Oh for god’s sake, don’t be such a prude, Denis.

~

Therapy session transcript 5-625148-TW, excerpt:

TWINKLETITS: So what’s been on your mind lately, Toki? What’s going on in that noggin?

WARTOOTH: Nothings.

TWINKLETITS: Toki, Toki. You’ve got to be honest in this room, okay buddy? It’s been a big year. Lots of things going on. Lots of things that sooner or later you’re gonna have to face head-on one way or another, and wouldn’t it be nice to do that in a safe, supportive environment?

WARTOOTH: Not reallies.

TWINKLETITS: I know what’s been going on. You’ve been picking fights, breaking windows... you’re scaring people, Toki. All your friends are worried half to death about you.

WARTOOTH: [unintelligible]

TWINKLETITS: That’s a big load of bull pats. Why would they go through all that trouble to get you back if they didn’t care?

WARTOOTH: The bands—

TWINKLETITS: They found you. Do you think that was easy?

WARTOOTH: [unintelligible]

TWINKLETITS: Toki, have they talked to you at all about what it was like getting to you?

TWINKLETITS: Toki?

WARTOOTH: [unintelligible]

WARTOOTH: Noes.

TWINKLETITS: Well they told me. They didn’t have any idea what they were doing, but they went anyway, and followed any crazy idea they could pull out of their asses to do it. Pickles guessed they should look in the place where you played your very first gig as a member of Dethklok—

WARTOOTH: The Depths of Humanities? That shitshole?

TWINKLETITS: Exactly! And Skwisgaar—

WARTOOTH: I don’ts wants to talk about that asshole! Fucking bastards don’t gots no time for anything but sluts—

TWINKLETITS: Toki, no!

WARTOOTH: [unintelligible yelling, smashing furniture]

~

From: c.f.ofdenson@mordhaus.metal.dk

To: s.skwigelf@guitargod.metal.dk

CC: n.explosion@brutal.metal.dk, p.the.drummer@fuckoff.metal.dk, w.murderface@planetpiss.metal.dk

Subj: Consider this a band meeting

Skwisgaar, I don’t know why Dr. Twinkletits is still calling me, but can you think of any reason Toki might be angry with you?

Kind regards,

Charles F. Ofdenson

~

From: p.the.drummer@fuckoff.metal.dk

To: c.f.ofdenson@mordhaus.metal.dk, n.explosion@brutal.metal.dk, s.skwigelf@guitargod.metal.dk, w.murderface@planetpiss.metal.dk

Subj: Re: Consider this a band meeting

uSUal reason right? not giving hm sodas? back ne up her gays

8=====D doodily doodily dooo

~

From: p.the.drummer@fuckoff.metal.dk

To: c.f.ofdenson@mordhaus.metal.dk, n.explosion@brutal.metal.dk, s.skwigelf@guitargod.metal.dk, w.murderface@planetpiss.metal.dk

Subj: Re: Re: Consider this a band meeting

SOLOS!

8=====D doodily doodily dooo

~

From: n.explosion@brutal.metal.dk

To: c.f.ofdenson@mordhaus.metal.dk, p.the.drummer@fuckoff.metal.dk, s.skwigelf@guitargod.metal.dk, w.murderface@planetpiss.metal.dk

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Consider this a band meeting

No. He’s just still fucked up from being kidnapped.

Hey Charles, you ever going to fucking visit us man? Thought you were hamburger time again. Answer your phone when I text you. Dick.

~

From: w.murderface@planetpiss.metal.dk

To: c.f.ofdenson@mordhaus.metal.dk, n.explosion@brutal.metal.dk, p.the.drummer@fuckoff.metal.dk, s.skwigelf@guitargod.metal.dk

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Consider this a band meeting

Hey fuckfaces,

You’re all wrong!!! Take it from me, a real lady’s man. He’s upset over some chick who went and broke his stupid heart!!! I’ll take some booze over to his room later, we’ll talk it out, problem solved. Nailed it. ;)

—WM

ps, What’s with the “kind regards” signoff, Charles? Pretty gay.

~

From: p.the.drummer@fuckoff.metal.dk

To: c.f.ofdenson@mordhaus.metal.dk, n.explosion@brutal.metal.dk, s.skwigelf@guitargod.metal.dk, w.murderface@planetpiss.metal.dk

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Consider this a band meeting

ahahahahha mface thinks charlies pretty

cuz hes gay mface is gay THATS THE JOOKE

8=====D doodily doodily dooo

~

From: c.f.ofdenson@mordhaus.metal.dk

To: n.explosion@brutal.metal.dk, p.the.drummer@fuckoff.metal.dk, s.skwigelf@guitargod.metal.dk, w.murderface@planetpiss.metal.dk

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Consider this a band meeting

OK, thank you for all your responses.

Pickles — That’s a good idea, it could be the lack of solos. I appreciate your input.

Nathan — Recent trauma is also a strong possible explanation as to why Toki has been acting out lately. Also, I am sending you a text right now. Please text back whenever convenient, and perhaps we can schedule an actual call.

William — I’m not sure alcohol is necessary in this situation, but otherwise I agree, Toki would probably benefit from having a friend to talk to right now.

If anyone could advise me as to why Skwisgaar is not replying to emails, that would be appreciated. Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Kind regards,

Charles F. Ofdenson

[ghoulsly]

1 - 45; Rowan :3c

you absolute monster. Rowan 1. Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?-he has 12 sister, but only knows about 9 of them. When he was still with his family he was closest to his sisters Aeras and Ibela, his twin sisters that were born a few days after him. 

2.What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?-He grew up with 3 mothers and he loved and respected all of them.

3.What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?-He grew up both respecting, loving and fearing his father. Thinking that his dad could never understand him but not realizing they were more alike than anything. 

4.Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?-He met this couple when he was still a teen and they inspired him so wholly to become a bard and worship Shelyn.

5.On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?-fun facts, he doesn’t have pockets. 

6.Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?-he doesn’t often remember his dreams but a few good ones have the ocean and his boyfriend in them 

7.Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?-anything about his family and all his regrets. 

8.Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?-nop. 

9.Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?-yeah! His family is like impossibly wealthy? So growing up he wanted for nothing. Nowadays he’s just scraping by off the money he makes performing and odd jobs from the pathfinder society with Noah. But that’s fine. He actually likes to earn his keep. 

10.Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?-the less clothing the better. Boi loves to feel that sweet sun on his skin. 

11.In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?-When he was 15. Packing a few essentials in the dead of night hoping not to be caught as he ran away from home. 

12.In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?-Nights spent on the ship with Jasper and the crew, playing soft lilting tunes. Or when he’s with Noah, doing practically anything, like walking around day shopping or just sharing their time together in comfortable silence. 

13.Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?-Nah. It’s kinda just a hazard of his lifestyle really. 

14.Does your character remember names or faces easier?-faces for sure. 

15.Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?-Uhh, money only in the sense that he’s constantly earning it for his own basic needs and also to keep debt collectors off Jasper’s ass

16.Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?-happiness

17.What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?-he had this one stuffed animal that was a beat to hell, red dragon. He loved that thing and carried it around with him for yeaaaaars. He hasn’t thought about it and wouldn’t know it but the thing is still in his old bedroom, exactly where he’d left it. 

18.Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?-ambition! 

19.What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?-He runs from his problems(emotional ones specifically). And oh boi has it. 

20.In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?-Mmm,, he would compare the similarities and differences in himself to others around him and reflect on them. I think it’s a bit of both validation and criticism though. 

21.If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?-He very much blames himself for most if not all of his misfortunes. 

22.What does your character like in other people?-individuality, passion, loyalty and a nice ass doesn’t hurt from time to time. ;) 

23.What does your character dislike in other people?-in this house everyone drinks respecting women juice or they get a face full of Rowan’s fist. 

24.How quick is your character to trust someone else?-It’s not hard to get on this guys good side. Especially if you’re a lady, he would die for you. 

25.How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?-That’s fairly situation and depends on the person in question but typically he’s not really the accusatory type. 

26.How does your character behave around children?-He loves kids. Loves to entertain them with fun songs and play games with them. 

27.How does your character normally deal with confrontation?-if it’s a brawl he already taking his shirt off ready to fuckin  goooooooo. But like emotional confrontation he’s already packing his bag and out the door. 

28.How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?-He definitely tries to charm his way through most situations if he can get away with it but if it has to come down to a fight so be it.

 29.What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?-He used to watch the sailors coming into port nearly every day, having wild fantasies of being a pirate on the open seas. That dream sort of came true, he’s no pirate but is in fact a sailor for a legitimate shipping company and he loves it. 

30.What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?-mushrooms. Affronts against romance and disrespect to women. 

31.Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.-Either sailing or sitting in a tavern playing tune to earn some extra coin. 

32.Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.-almost any situation having to do with his boyfriend’s mom. Or times he’s managed to offend or make someone cry. 

33.In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?-regular ol’ criticism he’s fine with and willing to improve upon himself. (Other than his inability to face his emotional baggage head on. We’re still working on that) 

34.Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?-He might try a solution or method once or twice before moving on to something different. 

35.How does your character behave around people they like?-very buddy buddy, casual and laidback. 

36.How does your character behave around people they dislike?-A little tense, maybe a lil’ clipped in tone with them. If he really hates them he’s like .5 seconds from throwing hands if they start some shit. 

37.Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?-Honor 

38.Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?-depends on the the type of problem/threat. But I’ll go with remove himself for now.

39.Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?-prolly at some point, but nothing that would have affected him. 

40.How does your character treat people in service jobs?-As nice and charming as he treats anybody else. 

41.Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?-He’s definitely an earn what you want kind of dude. 

42.Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?-YEs! His pseudo adopted dad, Jasper, whom is the captain of his ship! 

43.Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?-lol… that would also be Jasper. Rowan kind of earns all this extra coin so he can work off Jaspers debts for him. He just wants his old man to keep his shins in tact. 

44.How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?-“I love you” is a very serious term for him. His whole religion is about love of all kinds. So if he tells someone he loves them he means it and would never use it to manipulate someone. 

45.What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?-He’s not exactly sure and in some ways the idea does scare him.