#grapefruit slander

[01-05-2001]

honest opinion on limes ? are you a fan ? do you too believe that they are the inferior green brother of their glorious golden counterparts … i await your response

i freaking LOVE LIMES so much i add them to every meal i can i buy them constantly they are the superior citrus* and i will not stand for their slander

*aside from grapefruit

[filecabinetsystem]

First of all, excuse my language, fuck grapefruit.

I spend all this times for the hopes and dreams of finally having a taste of a grape fruit, just for it to taste like literally used dog water? No thanks.

-Chi

[fandombead]

What is grapefruit for 500?

Guys what’s the worst fruit, and why is it watermelon?

[grimoire2020aa]

Herbs and Others for Curses, Hexes, and Jinxes

coffee/dark cocoa - causes target bitterness

Chili Powder ~ for discord, bane, curses

Mustard Seed ~ the seed of strife and discord. Leave it at one’s doorstep, particularly black mustard seed. This seed sprinkled around the trunk of a fruit tree on the first evening of the full moon will cause the tree to bear no fruit.

Onion ~ can cause strife in an enemy’s life. 

Poppy Seed ~ Causes couples to argue.

Sumac ~ for curses, hexing, bringing bad luck

Grapefruit - causes enemy sour start, but leaves a good ending

peppers - great for those spreading lies and talking general shit.  The hotter the pepper (vegetable or spice) the more intense the curse.

salt - to repel someone from reentering your life and home.

vinegar - to make someone eat their words or to stop running their mouth.

basil - for someone who owes you money.

mint - to cool someone’s anger or hatred toward you.

potato - for someone standing in your way.  carve someone’s name into the potato (or initials) and then cut it up/cook as normal.

having a wooden spoon you use ONLY for cursing magic within the kitchen.  You can inscribe/woodburn sigils and words to your liking. This is VERY useful.  Just be sure you ONLY use it for cursing and hexing for foods.

lemon/lime/any tart fruit - to stop someone’s slander, lies, and general cursing

Black pepper or ginger - add in baking mix if you want to cause the target anger.

Grated lemon - add in baking mix if you want to cause the target to be sour to others.

Black icing - colour correspondence for hexes and curses.

Stirring counter clockwise is good for undoing the actions or intent of the person you are cursing.

Stirring clockwise is for sealing/bringing to fruition.

You can do cursing/hexing in your kitchen.  Write someone’s name on a slip of paper (or take their picture) and put it in your pot and add vinegar, oils, needles/nails and herbs on the stove, intending your hex on that person.  Toss out like (preferably off your property) when done.  

Most kitchen witches, myself included, keep glass jars and bottles around.  You can take a piece of paper with the person’s name or their picture, put in a jar with oil and herbs and shake it up each time you focus your hexing intent. Obviously the more shaking you do the more intense.  Do till you feel the hexing is done and they’ve stopped their shit.

When cursing/hexing food (or doing the pot trick like I mentioned above), you can also say (from Dorothy Morrison’s Utterly Wicked, pg. 66):

The magic that’s within this dish is meant for (name of target), as is my wish.

On others who may hear its call it shall not have any effect at all.

Pure delight is all they’ll feel as they fill their plates and eat this meal.

But (name of target) it will hit magically

As I will, so mote it be.

@breelandwalker and @diary-of-demosthenes

[pistolslinger]

PERSONALITY: funny, supportive, hilarious, clever, creative, humourous, original, comedic, understanding, welcoming, engaging LIKES: mangos & gun-wielding hooligans DISLIKES: lemons & grapefruits & other delicious things COMPANIONS: comet (a cat)

how would u explain me if i was ur oc 😗❓

first of all this is slander, i LOVE delicious things & citrus should be put in an ‘enemy’ category’

second of all: where is the section dedicated to g? where is it? where is the wiki synopsis of our friendship? where is the timeline of the reg/jes 90s war? where is the Great Tater Debate? 😟

[noir-psi]

This is a pineapple, tomato, and grapefruit slander account.

[agarycus-arc]

some octavo notes off the top of my head bc i want to be writing him rn:

was never rly liked much by his family Before being disowned, except for by his younger twin sisters and older brother, the incident was just kind of. the last nail in the coffin

the ‘rumors’ his ex shared about him were basically slandering him and calling him easy, which his parents took as true once he forfeited the duel :(

they all pretend he was never even born, now, while he assumes they’ll let him come home one day :(

he has a daughter with his ex-betrothed he doesnt know about, but she’s since remarried and convinced the girl that this new husband is her dad

no fighting skills whatsoever, too lazy, too baby, fighting too icky n gross

has fruit trees in all verses, always in a color scheme; oranges, golden pears, grapefruit, lemons, peaches, etc

has saved up enough via stealing to have a nice house in the rift, decently sized for one man, decorated of Course in golden objects and gold-trimmed draperies 

wears glasses in modern but hates them, so Only when he’s home alone or at work 

speaking of, has a secret job in modern as a necessity; he’s a library assistant, in a different county and city entirely, just so no one he ever meets locally will ever know that he, god forbid, Works, 

secretly likes the library job 

dresses exactly how u think a pretentious “rich” librarian would

plays sdv and ac with most of his free time

eats honey on, like, Everything

still lives with his family and off their money in victorian verses for their ~image~ and good conscience, but he shamed them terribly so they moved cities and Basically told him he’s a separate entity from the family

and therefore ignore him and pretend he doesn’t exist 

shortest in his family, even at 5′10

puts what hair he can up in tiny buns and ponytails when he’s home alone in modern

[amateur-artist]

Looking in the replies I was just repeatedly going “wHAT??”

I will not stand for the slander of some of my favourite fruits

People saying grapefruit were right tho

whats the worst fruit everyone please sound off

[bixiaoshi]

take back the grapefruit slander

im sorry im speaking my truth now. im a grapefruit hater

[v-0w0-v]

words that are good:

aioli, parasaurolophus, sternocleidomastoid, green, pickled, dipstick, horseradish, sixteen, bacteriophage, handheld, potpourri, dimple, preen, electricity, elderberry, chapstick, grapefruit, jettison, alleviate, dopamine, psychosomatic, elf, egg, plethora, octopus, banana, squid, squad, beefsteak, laminate, beanstalk, gondola, pig, hog, swine, conglomerate, potato, squalor, blastocyst, because, dingbat, molecule, particle, grass, anemone, pragmatic, crone, doghouse, pustule, boardwalk, mermaid, raspberry, balderdash, enjoy, lightswitch, scrotum, platter, capricious, petrichor, manticore, beast, grapes, cry, beanbag, lighthouse, carriage, doctor, pocket, charge, animal, bladder, skin, delight, podiatrist, pediatrician, glamor, dragoon, schizm, fandangle, whump, funky, puzzle, assortment, nomination, denomination, feather, bingo, lard, asinine, greed, pottery, eleven, trouble, biscuit, cemetery, platter, befouled, plucky, disco, freewheeling, dogma, bunker, plow, glassblown, handcrafted, unique, listicle, testicle, barrel, wedge, gleam, frotting, deluxe, ugly, lipstick, fraternity, eternity, broad, board, puppy, glutton, shifting, bottomless, organ, plaster, alabaster, grafted, ascot, popcorn, graveyard, alpine, modest, untoward, fleece, lungful, startled, mottled, dappled, atrocious, bodacious, figurehead, masterful, glamorous, snaggletoothed, humpback, ubiquitous, sleet, bandage, official, three, beehive, slander, doctorate, boob, number, upwards, classic, dug, blunt, scarfing, poppers, batty, catty, nightly, frontal, juggernaut, tightrope, bloat, goggles, flogging, popemobile, jester, festering, whinny, fickle, dopamine, garbled, gargled, gargoyle, gnarled, freakshow, deity, agony, fiddle, limpid, demure, juggler, anvil, cobbler, ungodly, sticky, pink, dipping, gruff, billygoat, thunderstorm, lopsided, spoonerism, dookie, discombobulated, preferential, pregnant, landslide, dumpster, bumpkin, crone, boner, flowing, boggled, flatulence, mattress, poop, dirt, five, bungalow, flattery, grabbing, formula, dork, glovebox, tunnel, mountain, dwarves, orangutan, tripwire, movie, fleeting, baby, teacup, oblong, oblivious, darting, plop, foppish, argument, dingaling, ringtone, marketplace, apple, delight, hand, weiner, wobble, bobblehead, granular, eighteen, unstoppable, possibility, freakish, leap, liposuction, briefcase, dingleberry, alimony, frankenstein, pothead, dracula, graduation, likeness, rhythm, clade, mercurial, dolphin, pervert, Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, alfalfa, lawn, clover, breach, cheer, grapple

words that are bad:

JUST KIDDING NO WORDS ARE BAD!!!!!!!!

except for “podcast“

[will-you-look-at-that]

I will not allow this slander in my Minecraft server.

Passion fruit is SWEET AND TANGY

Grapefruit is ORANGE 2.0

Honeydew are LITERALLY SO HONEY SWEET

Dragonfruit looks ETHEREAL AND DRACONIC

Orange is ORANGE

Respect fruits motherfucker

[punchingyou]

this is a grapefruit slander account

[deco-devolution]

Rapture food headcanons? Everybody just learned to love sushi?

Rapture Food Headcanons

(This is a huge, multifaceted answer so forgive me if I ramble. )

Food production in Rapture is super intriguing. Let’s begin:

Sushi isn’t the most popular dish, but fish is definitely a huge cornerstone in the food of Rapture. Seafood, especially the local species like cod, haddock, and redfish- are now considered the poor man’s chicken, simply because of how inexpensive and plentiful they are. 

Kelp is the new wheat substitute- grows easily in the area, relatively easy to maintain, and also filling, it’s also a meal staple for the lower-class, and kelp bread is a common affordable bakery dish (While it still uses wheat, the kelp acts like filler to stretch the dough, making it much cheaper) Flour is still used and sold, and is slightly less then on the surface, because the process of filling it out with kelp and therefore using less had reduced demand. Potatoes are also pretty inexpensive, as they’re easy to buy and ship from the surface.

In contrast to the surface world, crab is a LOT cheaper. This is because the location of the city is much closer to in proximity to their habitat, and so is much easier to collect for sale. Although it’s much more affordable in the city, old habits die hard, and the elite still enjoys crabmeat on the regular. As such the price is inflated in most fancy bistros, to appeal to the wealthy citizens’ sense of exclusiveness and make a bit more profit. However, smugglers make a fast dollar selling incredibly cheap crab at basement price to the poorer populations. ‘Bargain crab’ is the receiver of much slander by Rapture’s elite, though it’s essentially the same. 

In the city, the cost of bulky livestock meats- like pork and beef, have exploded, due to the fact that raising cows or pigs in an underwater city is nigh impossible, so all meat must be imported from outside sources. While current average cost of a pound of beef is $3.70 (USD), in Rapture the same amount could easily go for $10 (Rapture Dollars). Pork is about $12 (RD) a pound, as well. Dairy is equally expensive, as it is very temperature sensitive and must be kept consistently cool during shipping.

The vegetable and fruit sales are different in their status because the city can actually support some forms of plant life- you can see in Julie Langford’s office, she has plant incubators and in Arcadia, you can see trees, flowers, and insect life in the garden. While most of these plant species are ambiguous, we are given a specific species of plant in game- the rosa gallica, or French rose. With that, we can make a safe guess as to what kind of climate Arcadia emulates. As rosa gallica is predominant in Southern and parts of Central Europe, we can safely guess that the natural environment in Arcadia (and by extension, the organic environment of Rapture) is decidedly Mediterranean. This says that some specific kinds of vegetation, including olive, mandarin, fig, pomegranate, lemon, walnut, and grapefruit trees can be raised in this environment. The merchants of Rapture likely knew this, so the marketplace would have been rife with Mediterranean produce. It wouldn’t be unusual to find a fruit merchant with a private fruit grove. 

While plans for other regional nurseries are in the making, the Arcadia/Mediterranean vegetation is the most popular because of the accessibility of suitable environment

Produce from other regions is a bit more expensive because of this. Fruits and vegetables from cooler regions are a bit more expensive: for example, while the average pound of apples is $1 (USD) in Rapture the same amount goes for $2.50.

Coffee is still pretty cheap, though! This is because the beans are small enough to be shipping en masse, and don’t expire as quickly as fresh fruits like raspberries or bananas. 

Luxuries like chocolate are much more expensive- while not quite the tripled price of pork or beef, it is quite a jump in costs. While the current average price of for a pound of chocolate is roughly $15, in Rapture it’s $21 for the same weight. 

[hojichadust]

I will NOT stand for this fucking grapefruit slander how else are you supposed to grab a snack that superactivates all of your taste buds AND punches you in the face at the same time

here’s a hot take… grapefruit is the most bastardous of all fruits. it tastes terrible, you cant go near it if you’re on certain medications, and they are aesthetically overhyped. now the humble raspberry, now thats a fruit worth talking about

[chandra-nalaar]

bace-jeleren replied to your post “You are the slanderer, calling sparkling water good when it is the...”

Yo, this stuff FUCKS! I love the grapefruit flavor.

finally some good taste

imo the pink and yellow flavors are all good

[yagospaulo]

Another day partaking in the internet’s favorite pastime: slandering Black women. The latest 0 Kelvin take is also a staple: Why Black women made me, a Black man, date white women. An opinion pieceso cold Mr. Freeze couldn’t hold it without losing a limb to frostbite has popped up frequently on popular sites that post ���curated” community pieces for clicks. Full of misogynoir, toxic masculinity, and a level of entitlement that’s over 9000, you’d think wise editors would get hip to these problematic and unsupported think pieces, but like a noxious dog whistle, hatin’ on Black women gets clicks. Now dating on a whole isn’t easy. For anyone. People are complicated and attraction is a random mix of chemistry and compatibility. Plus everyone is looking for something different in a partner and relationship, and those somethings can change at any moment. But I get it. Sometimes acknowledging the complexities of human emotions and relations requires too much brain power. That whole “understanding another person” thing takes a long time — better to make sweeping generalizations about entire races of women rather than see what you might be lacking, because according to everybody, especially relationship geniuses like Steve Harvey, Tyrese, and Rev Run, women are always the reason relationships aren’t working out.

Don’t worry though — this Black woman is here to help you. Here are 7 reasons why you, yes you, sir, aren’t getting the women you want.

1. YOU’RE BORING

First things first: if I ask you to tell me about yourself, what are you going to say? You gonna make be sit through shit I hate? Are we about to spend everyday posted up on your couch/futon/pallet in the basement watching basketball? You gonna make me sit through all 8 million episodes of Naruto even though I said I’m not into anime? Am I about to spend hours watching you play XBox with your one controller? Can you only talk about one thing whether I like it or not? Can you talk to me at all or do we just sit in awkward ass silence heavy as Rock Lee’s training weights? If I’m finna be spending all our time together killing my phone battery and data plan scrolling Twitter and Instagram then I’mma probably gratefully accept the L that is not dating you.

2. YOU’RE UNATTRACTIVE

Real talk, how do you look? I’m not talking about ugly or pretty — those are subjective, and while one person may not find you attractive someone else will. I’m talking about things you can control. Do you look like you care about your appearance? Do your clothes fit? Are you ashy? Do you smell? Is your hair a mess? You can’t roll around with a butter knife lineup and expect women to fall at your feet.

One universal truth about dating is that you won’t meet the person at their realest in those early days. You meet their representative: the best or better version of themselves. So if you sun up on me looking like you couldn’t be bothered to bathe before coming out… it’s gonna be a no from me dawg because you upsetting me and my homegirl.

3. YOU’RE SELF-CENTERED

Quick scenario: You’re on a first date with a woman. You want to talk about the intricacies of a shared Transformers/Fast and Furious universe, but your date hasn’t kept up with either. What do you do? Keep talking about something she doesn’t understand and isn’t interested in, or change the subject and figure out what interests you both share? We meet up for coffee, are you talking about yourself or are you asking about me as well? Name 3 things you learned about the last 2 women you went out with. Are we about to only be doing the things you like? If I know 50-eleven things about you and you only know my eyes are brown because I’m Black then I’mma take a hard pass.

4. YOU’RE TRASH

Are you misogynistic, sexist, classist, homophobic, transphobic, or otherwise bigoted? Are you a pallet gynecologist who believes vaginas get loose with use or that female orgasms are a myth? Do you think women are only lesbians because they know men like it? Do you think women are built to submit to their man while simultaneously building them up like their children? Do you look to any of the aforementioned relationship geniuses for legit advice? Do you have only bad things to say about women who aren’t attracted to you? Do you believe in plots to emasculate the Black man and destroy the Black family? Do you send unsolicited dick pics with shitty lighting? If you answered yes to any of these questions or you retweet those relationship cartoon memes or the words “dress how you want to be addressed” like they’re profound, then I only have one thing to say:

5. YOU SEE A TROPHY, NOT A PERSON

You know women have desires and interests and hopes and wishes and opinions and all that shit you do, right? She’s not just there to always hype you up (even when you’re deadass, headass wrong) or gargle your ballsack. Contrary to what the government majority and internet dudes think, women are people. Like living, breathing, existing humans. Wild, right? If you don’t want someone who is actually going to feel some kinda way about things that isn’t always going to be the way you feel, you don’t want a girlfriend. You want a warm grapefruit with a hole in it. So microwave it for 10 seconds and go to town. I promise it won’t talk back.

6. YOU DON’T LIKE YOURSELF

Be honest: when you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? I don’t mean do you wake up everyday believing 100% that you’re some Adonis, Beyoncé, god’s gift to the Earth, universe, and everything in-between — that’s just unrealistic — but if you had to spend time with just yourself, could you stand the tie alone? Do you spend all your time focused on what someone else is that you aren’t? If that’s a yes, go sit in your prayer closet and be your own hype man. Because if you can’t stand to be around you, why would anyone else?

7. YOU’RE NOT THE ONE

You know how sometimes you see a woman and you’re not attracted to her? Or you like the way a woman looks but once you get to know her y’all just don’t click? Or you meet someone and y’all are great friends but you know it’ll never go beyond that? Well imagine all of that, but imagine it’s a woman feeling those ways about you instead of the other way around. I know it’s hard, but sometimes people — individual people — just don’t like you. Here’s the honest truth, all jokes aside: you could be amazing, wonderful, interesting, intelligent, sweet, and the person you like still may not like you. The shit sucks, but keep it moving. There’s someone out there who will like you just the way you are and you’ll feel the same way about them. No need to drag anyone else into it.

Congratulations on making it through. You’ve taken the first step towards letting yourself be great and keeping Black woman slander out of your mouth. The reward for step one is self-satisfaction. Do better, and you’ll get probably get more.

And as a final word: no one cares about your non-black girlfriend, wife, partner, fiancé, whichever. If she makes you happy, that’s all that matters. I promise you, any Black woman who isn’t trash herself is too busy living her own life to stress over why you’re “dating outside your race.” Seriously. Save yourself the carpal tunnel and think pieces.

By Brittany N. Williams/ BlackNerdProblems*, AFROPUNK contributor