#grey's stupid angsty backstory on everything

[greyias]

Oooh can we get the backstory to the dualsaber thing? Sorry if I've just missed the story before </3

Certainly! If you prefer backstory in fic form, it's delved into a little bit here and here, buuuut the simpler version is:

The out-of-game explanation is I'd had these items equipped for a while when I started seeing connections between them and the story, especially as I was going through Shadow of Revan and the first half of KotFE.

Items in question: Twin Satel Shan dualing sabers paired with purple-black striated crystals

In-universe expalnation, I kind of have a thing for weird connections in the Force and them weaving their way into characters' lives in subtle ways. And there's two explanations that sort of go together.

First off, the hilts (which is why I have such a mighty need for the dualsaber version)!

We see Satele's original dualsaber broken in the "Hope" trailer when she and Jace face off with Malgus during the Battle of Alderaan. This battle is what leads Satele and Jace to having the affair that produces Theron. In my headcanon, she keeps the ruins of the hilt*. Vague handwavey “the Force said so” (or the fact that she does seem to be a bit of a packrat when you poke around her camp on Odessen. Her mother’s journals, mementos of Ngani Zho, mysterious childrens’ toys, pictures of beautiful mountains, a locket with a picture of teenage Theron she in theory shouldn’t have, etc)

* -- this may actually be quasi-canon(ish)? If you're a Force Sensitive character and run through Chapter 12 of KotFE, look very closely at the hilt that Satele gives you in the cutscene. While there's a bit of a gilded color to part of the hilt, the swirls are the exact same on the above. Ergo, Satele does give you her hilts at some point... (at least as force sensitive baby, I'm sure the gun/cannon/etc you get are equally pretty. But obviously that kind of throws the "gives you her old lightsaber" bit out of the water if you're not actually building a lightsaber)

When Grey is forced into being a thrall for Vitiate at the end of Chapter 2, it’s implied by the game that the Knight, or rather, the Knight’s body was forced to do something very bad, as indicated by Orgus’s dialogue when he helps breaks Vitiate’s hold over them. (Not to mention the whole Orgus sidequest on Rishi). After escaping the fortress, Grey keeps trying to clean her original lightsabers, but she can never seem to get the bloodstains out (even though they’ve been scrubbed clean).

She can’t even wear them or look at them anymore, something that Satele picks up on during the debriefing with Scourge and the Council regarding Vitaite’s “NomNom the Galaxy” Plan**.  Before Grey and company depart for Belsavis, Voss, and beyond, Satele takes her aside and helps her craft new blades, helping providing the hilts as well as offering some calm/meditation help. The idea being that what was once broken can still be mended into something new, something stronger.

(** - That’s the canon name for it, I’m sure. No need to look it up on Wookieepedia).

And because I’m a bit of a sap, it has this roundabout way of connecting her to Theron, as the action of the blade being broken led Jace to make his mad dash, suicidal charge with a grenade to save the woman he loved, and ultimately led to Theron being born. And Grey’s love for Theron is part of what leads her into darkness, but also what pulls her out of it again and again.

SO.

If Grey is to have a dualsaber when the game lets me add a secondary combat style (which is definitely going to be Shadow, because I need stealth like burning on her when running dailies. Seriously it would make my life so much easier) -- then she needs to be able to attach her current two lightsabers back into the original dualsaber form. It just makes sense, yannow?

Now the crystals... that’s a bit more complicated and I haven’t quite explained it in full. But it’s a mix of a bunch of headcanon and lightsaber crystal lore from old and new canon. 300 years prior, perhaps riiiight about the time a certain Pureblood Sith literally stabs Meetra Surik in the back and turns on Revan, a twin pair of lightsaber crystals begin to grow on Ilum, facet by facet. Huh. Weird.

A few years prior to the Treaty of Coruscant, a little baby, pre-Padawan Grey starts having nightmares and visions of something calling to her in the dark. The Force being, well, the Force, is murky and not super clear in all of this, and eventually her guardian figures out that the Force is calling her to Ilum to claim her lightsaber crystals. This opens up a can of worms for him unrelated to this story, but she enters the crystal caves and follows the crystal’s songs to what look like ordinary, clear crystals.

The moment she touches them and pulls them from their resting place, they turn a deep, dark purple hue with black streaks running through it. Naturally, as a child that’s already been a bit traumatized by an encounter with the Sith, she freaks out and begs her guardian to hide them away, as she thinks it means she’s somehow tainted and dark. She puts them to the back of her mind, and almost forgets about them. And I mean, Orgus Din gifts her all of the components she needs to make the pair of sabers on Tython, so no one has to know about those dark crystals she’s got hidden away.

Until years later, she’s put under the thrall of the SIth Emperor. And those colors the crystals took on seem almost familiar:

Almost fated to be. Don’t they?

But yeah, not sure if the devs meant for the purple-striated crystals to resemble ValkyVitiateTenepants creepy dark-side power so much, but since they do (especially if you use his teleport ability in Chapter 9 of KOTET, the smoke is almost the exact same color), but since it does? In a way, for my little headcanon verse anyway, the crystals sort of represent that connection between Grey and Vitiate in the Force. That future that Scourge forced by grabbing onto one vision in a thousand and deciding to make it happen.

It’s not all him of course, she has her own issues, beyond him and even Theron, the color is also a reflection of her own inner demons. She still has lingering issues from losing her parents and with her family. At some point, I’m thinking possibly after whatever Legacy of the Sith throws at her (I haz fears after that Dantooine Flashpoint), she is reunited with both of her brothers, and all three of them eventually wind up confronting the man that murdered their parents. It’s all very dramatic, in typical Highwind fashion.

When Grey killed Vinn Atrius after he stabs Theron, the guilt almost drove her to the breaking point, and it took her a very long time to work her way through it. When the confrontation with their parents’ murderer happens, the man is unarmed, and she sees that Draike is about to drive himself off that same edge, she basically steps in to deliver the killing blow on Draike’s behalf, intending to spare him from that. It’s what finally breaks through her brother’s bloodlust, and other than Draike maybe, er, kneecapping the guy, he decides that his love for his estranged sister is stronger than his need for revenge.

(Meanwhile, this is like the second or third time their poor baby brother Ben has met his older siblings and he’s just all “?????” over the whole ordeal. )

TL;DR -- this incident is what finally mends the fence between Grey and Draike, and they develop a much healthier sibling relationship after it. It also allows them both to close the door on what happened to their parents and move on. The next time Grey is taking apart/maintaining her sabers, she meditates on the crystals, and the change from the deep, dark purple hue to a soft, purpleish gray that is almost white***.

*** - This is similar to what happens to the crystals that Ahsoka obtains from the Inquisitors hunting her. Meditating and healing the crystals that had reflected the darkness of their owner.

So uh... that might have been a more in-depth explanation than you were hoping for? 😅 Apparently even when I’m trying to write short, I can’t help but create super lengthy explanations.

[texas-hates-taxes-too]

List of things I like in the shisno arc (seasons 15-17, this list could get long)

Edit: it is long

All the grimmons scenes in s15 were *chefs kiss*

There was the temple thing, the focus on simmons while Grif walked off, simmons constantly thinking about grif when he wasn't there, grif repeatedly asking specifically how simmons was when locus and lopez arrived, them immediately yelling each others names when they reunited, and of course the "why are we here?!" Scene

Speaking of said scene, Simmons' knife was obviously also a highlight

Also hyper grif. Was so good

The entire episode Previously On, I rewatch it so much, i love it

Previously On also gave us Carolina/Grif interactions and that deserves its own mention

Locus was also so good in s15 and s17, I loved how he was trying so hard to stay chill but was so obviously losing his mind trying to work with the reds and blues

Caboose hugging Locus was also a highlight

LOOPY WASH. He's just so funny okay, all the scenes with him in s15 and then in s16 when he sees the others in the corridor and stops to talk to them, it always kills me

The conversation between tucker and wash in s15 when they finish it with "smartass" "buzzkill"

Loco. I just really love him. I'm still so sad he died :')

I also hate-love Temple so he gets a mention too, that evil bastard <3

The beach scene where Wash and Lina talk about Illinois and then about York and then hold hands is rlly sweet

I always love wash's line "you don't have to destroy the past to have a future", it reminded me of Carolina's line to Epsilon about how the past doesn't define who you are

I loved the scenes in s15 with simmons and caboose, especially because Simmons actually treated Caboose like a person, he didn't immediately dismiss everything caboose said as stupid, he said it was an "interesting theory" but he wasn't sure it was right

The scene where Caboose talks to church through the portal. It makes me so emotional :') I love caboose so much

Tucker being protective of caboose was also really nice to see

The Spencer porkensonsen story line was ridiculous and I loved it.

I actually really liked Jax in s15, he was so dumb but loveable (unfortunately I really didn't like him in s16 :/)

The griflings hug was so so good

Doctor grey.

Now onto s16 xD

Grif's. Sword. Puns. Best thing ever

Huggins owns my entire heart and her friendship with Grif was so sweet

Sister actually getting proper development and character interactions and not just being a throwaway character

Tucker killing Flowers again lmao

Caboose's Travel presentation was brilliant and I loved his interactions with Lopez

Special shout out to caboose asking the guy at bjorndal for two cups of coffee

The scene where tucker asks for a 200ft dong and Atlus responds with "oOh a man after my own heart"

Sarge wanting to marry Kalirama was a mood

GENKINS

I fucking love genkins okay, he's a bastard and I find everything he says hilarious, I'm sad we didn't get more interactions between him and O'malley

Speaking of, the O'malley vs Donut fight?!?!? Was so good?!?!

I was so proud of Donut

Season 16 had another scene where Grif goes off alone somewhere and it focuses on simmons' face (/helmet)

Also just before this scene, after grif suggests that he goes off alone, simmons says "i don't like this plan", he was worried! And I live for it

Doc's super sad backstory with Deke :( it was sad but I loved hearing more about Doc

Season 17!

Donut finally got to shine and he deserved it so much

The scenes where Donut gets shot by Wash like 7 times kills me dbjds

The Wash and Donut interactions were just amazing

Wash shooting Donut deliberately and then saying "i admire your commitment to time travel"

When they travel to just before he shoots donut and wash says sorry and Donut says "what's a donut without a hole in it" HFJFKD DONUT

Donut tells Carolina to shut up in this season. The bravery.

The whole episode 'the not-so-good ol' days' tbh

When Wash says York and Carolina are close and York is like "Woah thats ridiculous, carolina is our boss, we're not close at all, the audacity, I've never even looked at her face or talked to her in any way not professional"

Wash's "oh right it kinda was" about pfl being like high-school

The entire montage where he's trying to find out where carolina was, its all good

Also wash screaming in his helmet and then saying "I'm great!" when Carolina asked if he was okay

Caboose being a genius

The scene where church is confused and caboose just tells him to go back to bed

Huggins coming back!!

Sister tricking Tucker into telling people the bad things he did lmao

Doc being about to set Tucker straight but then getting annoyed and telling him he should tell everyone else his "unfinished business" too

Doc telling off O'malley and then fighting in the labyrinth, I'm so so proud of him 💜💜

Grif and Sisters interactions in the labyrinth

Almost forgot about this but genkins possessing Santa! And telling Locus that Felix was afraid of knives fndhsjl

Also Genkins possessing Tex and saying that church is basically the clone of a guy who made the robot equivalent of a body pillow kills me

Grif: my balls send their regards, Tex

The scene where Tucker compliments Donut and then calls him an angsty bitch

Okay so I've definitely forgot stuff but this list is already really long so I'll cut it off here, feel free to add things!

[itisannak]

I always wondered but what gives you the inspiration to write? How did the concept of the doctor line come to be? It’s so unique I never seen anything like it

I  get inspired by so many things. 

The Doctor Angel Face au was created kinda by accident. I wrote the first part, Fetish while watching an episode of Grey’s anatomy and I kinda wondered how I could fit my characters into the GA universe. The Fetish part was a request so I wanted to give something unique. I didn’t think I could actually cultivate it into a series. 

Then I wrote the Heat part. I was actually inspired by a Greek Trap song called Caliente (which was the original title of the story). I wanted the story to revolve around the sexual chemistry of the couple, and I actually didn’t plan on it being a part 2 to the Fetish story. But I started writing and the universe I was creating fit so well with the Fetish story, so I made a couple of changes to fit it in. 

Then people started liking the Doctor AU and asked for more. So I came up with the Dr. Angel Face part. I wanted it to be this cozy, Christmas story but didn’t want to limit it to just it. So, a follower of mine ( @saphseoul  ) suggested a couple of things I should include into it, like their backstory. Their backstory was inspired by a story Ashton told on a soundcheck about the day the met Andy Deluca (basically, Ashton and Calum were in a car accident but they were fine so they sat on the curb and ate chicken tenders and drank milkshakes). I felt like that would be such a great backstory for them. And of course some parts of them are kinda inspired by the episodes of GA, but I try not to copy them. 

For the Alternative part of the Dr. Angel Face (which I plan on starting to write it on the 1st of June), I was inspired by something that might sound stupid, but it is actually the truth. I was actually inspired by a daydream. Back in December, I was working on the shittiest job I’ve ever worked, so to cope I built the scenario about the alternative (I quit from the job by the way). It is angsty and a bit torturing, to be honest, but like all my stories, it will have a happy ending. 

I have stories inspired by songs (like my Youngblood series), stories inspired by actual dreams I had (like the Single Dad x Preschool teacher AU, which was partly inspired by it, or a fic I am currently working on with CEO!Michael, which I literally saw on a dream, woke up and texted a friend in the middle of the night). Other stories are inspired by memes (like the Happy Campers one), others are inspired by conversations I have with friends. And I have stories that are inspired by other fics (like the Can I have this dance, which was inspired by a story @defcliff0rd wrote, and the actual 2nd part of it 90 Days was inspired by a movie with Taraji P. Henson). Of course, when I get inspired by other people’s stories, I put a disclaimer and tag the person and give a link to the original story and I NEVER actually copy the whole entire story because that would be very shitty of me. 

But I can get inspired by anything and everything. I have been writing for 6 years now, for the last 3 I have been writing daily, which helps me keep my inspiration flowing. 

Hope I answered your question. If you have more, please send them in

[cococrazies]

Lovestruck Series Review: Starship Promise (Season 1)

Personal playing order: Orion - Jaxon - Antares - Nova - Atlas

Warning! Minor spoilers ahead for Antares’s/Nova’s/Atlas’s routes, as well as CGs under the cut.

Orion: I’m torn on this one. I really enjoyed the story -- a lot more than I thought I would, given my lack of enthusiasm for the series concept -- and Orion himself. (If anyone ever wanted Shang from Mulan but in outer space, this is it.) The writing also had a very natural cadence and flow; it pulled me in easily, never getting too heavy-handed with sudden plot twists and cliffhangers... except for one instance, but more on that below.

And the MC! She was a pleasant surprise. I hadn’t been too impressed by her in the first-ep sneak peeks we get in each route, but she’s really cute -- she can be a bit of a space cadet at times (sorry, bad pun intended), but she isn’t dumb. Furthermore, she really develops over the course of the route, which is impressive given everything else stuffed into these mere 12 episodes.

So now to the things I didn’t like about this route: for one, the romantic development. It seemed really sudden and almost shoehorned-in as a result of the route length, which was jarring given how well-paced everything else had been up to that point. 

Also, the Antares plot twist; it felt cliché and gimmicky, especially since I could see it coming from a mile away. I think I would’ve preferred for it to be a Season 2 reveal, or at least presented to us right from the start -- as it was, it just seemed like it was there for the “shock factor” + to forcibly give us a reason to care about the antagonist if we didn’t already. But since this was a pilot season, I guess I can understand how they wanted to tease at an intriguing backstory as early as possible to get players invested.

Overall, they still did succeed with the latter, because now I’m pretty curious about where they’re going with this. And also because I need more Orion/MC in my life; rushed or not, those two are simply way too cute.

Jaxon: Whoa, this story was jam-packed with action scenes and chemistry between the OTP. The pace is hella fast, but you never get the sense that we’re skipping past important details; the writing makes the most of every episode it has got. Not a single scene is wasted or filler-like.

Jaxon himself is a bit of a harder sell. His gargantuan ego, jokester personality, and YOLO take on everything make him one of those characters that you either love or hate -- although for me, he fell somewhere near the middle of the spectrum. I like his concept and find him a refreshing addition to Lovestruck’s character lineup, but he’s not really my type as far as romance goes; and sometimes he toes the line for being near annoying.

(The fact that I constantly seemed to make the wrong choices -- at least judging by the sheer amount of weird looks or lukewarm responses he gave me after 90% of my choices -- didn’t help. Heads-up: don’t try to play it cool. This MC really, really can’t do cool. I had several near-death experiences from sheer secondhand embarrassment while playing this route.)

That aside, he makes a surprisingly good team with MC. Except from some cringey non-heart options (which were brutal this route, by the way), they naturally eased into working as a combo. I like how they both are able to pull each other out of their respective emotional ruts, as well as complement the other’s shortcomings. Jaxon’s character turnaround near the end felt a little sudden, but I like the teased insight on his past, and am looking forward to learn more about it.

Antares: Oh, MC. Trust me, I of all people totally understand crushing on the hot, mysterious, and possibly noble anti-hero holding you captive for unknown reasons, but even so. Being constantly unable to focus on anything but your attration to him -- and using it as a basis for your foundation to trust him almost straight away despite how he works for the Big Bad, and is literally using you as a tool(-fixer) for whatever evil purposes the Empire has in mind for the galaxy -- is like a whole new level of uncool.

(Also, how is a sheltered colony girl’s reaction to seeing a military leader telling his troops not to leave a single ship standing “swoon, he’s so charismatic” instead of “holy shit, he kills people”? Priorities, MC.)

Beyond that, Antares’s route was very intriguing to me. Out of Lovestruck’s villain routes so far this is the one that has done the least to paint the love interest as less of an antagonist, or the side he sympathizes with as more morally grey. I also appreciated seeing another side of Antares himself that actually knows the definition of the word chill  isn’t perpetually dressed in bunny-ear mecha armor  that’s not completely absorbed by his thirst for vengeance against his brother.

Similar to Orion’s route, the romantic development also dropped on us out of the blue here... but strangely, I didn’t mind. In a way, it seemed to make sense for Antares’s emotionally dysfunctional personality (to the point that it gave me Chance S1 in GiL flashbacks). I think I almost preferred this to him doing a sudden 180 and going all mushy on MC when any potential romantic build-up outside of premium choices has been minimal. I’m holding my thumbs now for a gradual turnaround -- much like Chance got -- in his future seasons.

Nova: I keep going back and forth re: how I feel about this route. To again start with the positive -- I’d been worried that Nova would be a Space Medusa 2.0, so I was pleasantly surprised to find that she wasn’t. For all the kuu in her kuudere demeanor, Nova still spends a fair amount of the route bonding with MC through actual conversation, and unlike Orion’s/Antares’s routes this season the romance didn’t even seem that rushed. Furthermore, I was intrigued by Nova’s backstory (not to mention that she’s hot as hell).

But to be entirely honest, this story is also the most formulaic, “typical otome”-esque route I’ve read so far in Lovestruck -- not so much in concept as in execution. It reminds me of one of those Voltage JP fantasy routes where we spend the first 1/3 of the route with semi-slice-of-life scenes interspersed with action, the middle 1/3 of this route discovering the LI’s angsty past and them distancing themselves to protect MC, and the final 1/3 with MC dissolving into hysterics/apocalyptic depression, stupidly running after LI alone, and declaring their undying love for them after having known them for a couple of days in the middle of a life-or-death situation.

Since I do play Voltage JP games I’m not saying it’s necessarily a terrible thing, just... jarring. I might seem like I’m awfully hard on Lovestruck’s writing a lot of the time, but that’s because I have high expectations of it. In a sea of near-identical mobile otome clones Lovestruck stands out with a more Westernized and creative take on standard otome tropes, hence often avoiding common pitfalls associated with the genre. The writing in general is a cut above what I expect from mobile games as well, hence all my criticisms; I don’t balk (as much) at LIs doing sudden 180s or MCs being stupid in a Solmare game, but I do with Lovestruck because I know -- and have seen firsthand -- that they can do better.

So this route was confusing to me. Because, if I were to go for my usual standard from what I would expect run-of-the-mill Voltage JP route, for example, or a Shall We Date? one -- then I’d think it’s fine. Or even good. But for Lovestruck? I don’t know. I wouldn’t say it’s bad, just not... good. (The GiL-esque Pokémon-battle narration for action scenes -- yes, this is my official pet peeve now -- didn’t help.)

With all that said though, I didn’t dislike Nova’s route. (Hence the confusion.) And definitely not Nova herself. I just don’t really know how I feel about its writing direction, and how it measures against my expectations of a Lovestruck route.

Atlas: I fell head over heels for this route. Seriously, this was Astraeus-in-season-3-of-AFK level instant love, except without the devastating angst and with a decent helping of fluffy feels on top. Not that it was all fluff -- we had our share of prospective angst here too, if less literally earth-shattering. And hell of a lot of action, character development, and tons of other goodies tightly stuffed in a 12-episode-package of awesome.

Similar to my review for Astraeus, I don’t even know where to begin talking about this route’s good points. The prose, for one -- there were just so many beautifully worded narrative transitions, and the dialogue didn’t lose out in that aspect, either. The sass, sarcasm, and the humor were well-timed, but didn’t go overboard/seem out of character for MC or the rest of the cast.

Then there’s Atlas himself. Breaking down tsunderes is one of my favorite otome pastimes, and doing exactly that to our resident grouchy pilot was no different. First of all, I love that he maintains a healthy balance between insults that are obviously all bark and no bite, and genuinely worded criticism that should logically be voiced. In fact, there’s so little unnecessary tsun here that he could almost pass for a kuudere. 

Regardless of whatever mold he’d better fit into, finally crumbling down that cranky demeanor of his and seeing him dere was a sweet, sweet reward. (I actually caved and went premium twice despite my agonizing wallet because I couldn’t resist seeing more of it.)

Or heck, even the platonic moments building up to that were great. Because the romance with Atlas was really well-paced; I love how we went from almost-hate (my favorite trope!) to begrudging respect, then to friendly equals/teammates, and finally something more -- all the while there was obvious chemistry between him and MC interlacing every interaction. I was kind of worried whether we’d get some last-minute romantic confession slapped on near the end, but thankfully we got a development that, for all its unrealistic corniness, still had me squealing. Especially with that cliffhanger; dammit, how am I even supposed to emotionally last until I get to his second season?

The main plot was really interesting, too -- probably my favorite premise out of the ones we’ve been offered so far. Even though it starts out similarly with MC on the run, I like how 1) we see the Union as evil right from the bat, avoiding having another MC-gets-out-of-her-naïve-colony-girl-mindset mini-arc; 2) rather than being perpetrated for some valuable information/artifact that the Starship crew might benefit from, MC is in a situation where they actually have no reason to keep her around, adding more tension to the intro; and 3) how all of this tied into Atlas’s own personal character arc. (Not that I minded how the other premises played out, it just made for a fresh change of pace.)

To wrap this gigantic word-vomit ramble up, I’d just like to conclude by gushing one last time how fantastic this route is -- I’d warmly recommend it to anyone interested in giving Starship a chance, because after this, the series personally had me hook, line, and sinker.

Final character ranking: Atlas > Orion > Jaxon > Antares > Nova

....This got a little longer than I intended it to be, oops. Kudos to anyone who has made it to the end of this season review. (I’ll try to be a little more concise in my next one, i.e. GiL S7.)  You can follow my tag #coco reviews lovestruck for more reviews of Lovestruck games, or check out the ones I’ve done so far on this list.

[wavesofinkdrops]

Naïveté

pycame asked: For the request thing: RusAme based on "But It's Better If You Do" by Panic! at the Disco music video or just the lyrics? You decide. (Love your Reincarnation RusAme by the way!)

Thank you so much!! I’m glad you liked it! So this is indeed based on the video, the beginning of it modified and with more backstory. Set in about the 70s (in a universe and time when male/gay strip clubs were not *officially* criminal, but any excuse would be good enough to raid such a place, to go with the video). (This is kind of angsty/unhappy, more so at the beginning - I get sappier towards the end).

Warnings: uhm, not a lot in this one tbh, some slightly sexual themes but nothing explicit.

“Alfred, I’m in a meeting,” Ivan hissed into the payphone, trying not to let his temper rise and attract attention. He looked up, the only light the old streetlamps above him. “It’s running late. I don’t know when I’ll be-”

“Do you even try any more? Or are you gonna get married to your goddamn business?”

“Alfred-” Ivan sighed, wanting nothing more than to slam the receiver into its place and find forgettance at the bottom of a glass of cheap whiskey lit red by dimmed lights.

“When’s the last time you were even around for dinner, Ivan? You leave before I wake up, and you come home after I’m gone!”

“Do not blame me for your night-shifts.” Ivan’s anger was rising, irritation rearing its claws in his tone.

“You know what? Fine, I don’t care, lie as much as you want, because I hope you realise I can always smell your breath when you come home.”

Ivan leaned against the payphone stand, beyond caring of Alfred’s words. “And how do you think I manage to make as many deals as I make? By treating the businessmen to a bottle of Coke? Don’t be ridiculous.” Ivan scoffed. It was futile, he knew, but for some reason pretending felt easier than facing the music.

Alfred laughed coldly at the other end of the receiver. “Fine. Fine. Take all the time in the world, it’s not like we could have a life to live, you know?”

A hollow click and the dead dial tone only made Ivan question why they kept it up, when everything had spiralled into such a mess, and how long they would keep it up. Alfred’s night-shifts as security guard and Ivan’s long days with the company kept them apart for most of the day, if not all of it - unless Alfred woke up early or Ivan woke when Alfred came home.

Ivan replaced the receiver with enough force to make it rattle slightly, and pulled his coat closer to himself. He glared at nothing in particular, before his vile habit came to itch at his mind again - something he’d tried to get rid of, but only seemed to grow more dependent on as time passed, as days turned to a grey blur, as his relationship seemed to wither to nothing.

He crossed the street and allowed his subconscious to direct him to the narrow side-street, the ill-lit doorway, the depraved haven of cold neon lights, hidden faces and hollow music. He found the bar and ordered a strong drink, and allowed his eyes to wander to the clumsily young figure on stage. Her attempts at sensuality often fell short, but few in the joint seemed to care as she exposed her chest, and Ivan averted his gaze when his drink arrived.

Her performance ended and the music stumbled into another beat, and he briefly glanced up at the next dancer - a man, this time - and was momentarily transfixed by his vulgar, deliberately exaggerated motions. His outfit was uncommon, laced-up boots with histrionic heels, a corset that accentuated his lithe body, and a subtly ornate mask that concealed his face behind a complementary smirk and bangs of gold, tinged red by the dim light.

Ivan had forgotten how carnal desire felt, but staring at the erotic scene before him he was reminded of it. He had forgotten when he’d last felt passionate, but the man reminded him both so much and so little of Alfred that his resolve wavered. He finally turned to the man behind the bar, and for the first time didn’t consider any repercussions as he asked whether the man had private audiences.

A positive response, and his attention turned back to the enticing show, and it was all too soon that he was making his way to the back of the joint, and was led to one of the rooms. He was told this man was keen on anonymity, and was handed a plain, black mask. He arched an eyebrow, but the other man simply shrugged. He placed it on his face, and was allowed into the room.

Ivan seated himself in the worn armchair, that had probably once been plush and almost luxurious, but now merely added to the almost derelict indecency of the place. A few moments later, the door behind him opened, and he heard distinct, defined footsteps coming closer.

“What can I do you for, tonight, Mister?” A carefree, lilting voice asked him, and he allowed himself to fall into the act, the pretense, the forgettance. There was a light hand on his shoulder, tracing a swirling pattern across his back. “You got ‘nything special in mind, or d’you want me to surprise ya?”

The words were so similar to something he had once heard, something said by another mouth, in another voice, and he pushed away the intrusive memories. “Surprise me,” he answered in an indulgent, low voice. There was a loud bang from the outside of the room, but Ivan ignored it as he felt the performer’s hand drift around him, and the man came to face him. His features, what was visible of them, were strong and striking - a defined jawline, the mischievous curl of his lips, eyes that glinted behind the mask…

The performer swung a leg so that he stood above Ivan’s legs, and made quick work of straddling him. He rolled his hips downwards and Ivan’s eyebrow swung up to an an intrigued arch. His tie was gripped, a gentle hold but with vice-like undertones. The sound came again, and when Ivan’s eyes drifted from the performer his gaze was quickly pulled back.

“Don’t mind the outside world, I’m here and now.” The other man rolled his hips again, and Ivan felt pure want burning within him. “You know, customers don’t often catch my attention,” the performer said, his amused voice a decadent melody to Ivan’s ears, his lips tracing the curve of Ivan’s jaw. “But you, sir, certainly have - and I wouldn’t mind throwin’ in a little extra if you’re lookin’ for a good time,” he finished, and Ivan felt the smirk against his skin.

Ivan inhaled the captivating scent of the performer, and threw every caution, every worry, every memory to the wind. Perhaps, he could forget, if just for a moment. “I would certainly not object,” he stated, but paused briefly. His hand almost reached up to touch the other man, but refrained.

He laughed. “You can touch,” he said.

Ivan’s hand drifted to the almost faultless cheek. “Would it be too much to see the face of such a transfixing man?”

An eyebrow quirked up. “You know, I like you already enough to grant you that - only if you let me see you, too.”

Ivan smiled. “I have no objections to that,” he stated.

The other man grinned before capturing Ivan’s lips into a kiss - searing, lustful, scorching desire reminding him why he was here - and his hands came behind Ivan’s head to untie the knot of the plain mask. Ivan did the same, and when the other man released Ivan’s lips the masks fell away.

And every deceit along with them.

Alfred stared right at him, his expression quickly falling away from sultry to shocked. It was a blur of movement when Alfred scrambled off of Ivan, silent shock having taken over both of them.

At that same moment, the door of the room opened violently, and three police officers streamed into the room. It was a stream of shouts and both men being wrestled into handcuffs, Ivan trying to get to Alfred and trying to injure the officer holding him while Alfred was more than happy to kick at an officer’s shin with his heel - only to be caught again by another two, but not without shouting obscenities at all of them.

It didn’t take too long before they were dragged into the main room, where one officer explained to the furious bartender that the establishment was raided because of illegal activities, and they were soon brought outside into one of the cars parked there, both unceremoniously shoved into it.

When the doors were closed, there was a moment of silent fury before Alfred whirled on Ivan.

“What the hell, Ivan?!”

Ivan’s defences went up immediately. “Me?! You’re the one working at a strip joint! It’s illegal!”

Alfred scoffed indignantly, incredulous. “Well you were the one who’s payin’!” Alfred paused, disgust coming to his face. “You paid to cheat on me!”

“With you, apparently!” Ivan retorted. “How can I be sure you haven’t cheated on me time and time again, if whenever a customer catches your attention you decide to become a bit more acquainted-”

“I’m not a whore, Ivan,” Alfred growled.

“I never said-”

“Don’t insinuate it, either,” was snarled, and Ivan huffed. “How long have you been coming here? Is this where you go whenever you ‘have a meeting’?”

Ivan paused, and having previously opened his mouth to retort, he quickly snapped it shut. “How long have you been lying to me about your job?”

“Well I gotta earn something someway!”

“Not by lying to me!”

“Says the bastard who gladly would have cheated on me!”

“What does that make you?!”

“I - that’s - real mature, Ivan,” Alfred hissed back and resorted to staring at the seat in front of him. Ivan only now seemed to remember the very… ah… audacious outfit Alfred was in. Alfred noticed the silence. “Stop staring!”

“Well, you forget there is a reason I… er…”

“Requested me?”

Ivan hesitated. “Yes.”

Alfred huffed, before glaring at Ivan.

“Well, I mean, I guess we’re both even?”

“You lied to me about your job, I lied to you about my meetings, you almost… cheated on me with a customer and I almost cheated on you with a - an entertainer,” Ivan finished.

Alfred snorted. “That-” He snorted again, as if trying to hide a laughter. “Okay, well, you say it like that, well it’s,” he coughed, “it’s a bit stupid,” Alfred finished before glancing at Ivan. They both burst out laughing, and Ivan now remembered why he had once decided to spend the rest of his life with Alfred.

[itisannak]

Questions for doctor series hardest character to write? easiest character to write? favorite scene you’ve ever written? Hardest part about writing ? Easiest part about writing ? Where’d you get the inspo?

I don’t really have trouble writing for characters I guess (probably because I don’t go in-depth with characters). But I guess I will say (Y/N), since I had to look up medical terminology, fit her in an already existing universe (that of Grey’s anatomy).  The easiest character to write was Calum, hands down. Starting this fic I had already built him in my head so he was really written automatically. 

It is so difficult to pick just one favorite scene. I guess it is on Part 3 (The Dr. Angel Face chapter), their wedding sequence. I think it captures the essence of their relationship, that they don’t need anything fancy to love each other, they just want to cherish one another on any chance they get. Writing that scene felt like writing the core of the couple, it is a lot more than just a wedding scene. 

The hardest part about writing in general is getting the perfect conditions to do so. My house is always noisy and I rarely have a proper workspace, so adjusting to my environment and being able to write unbothered is something I can’t do easily.  Also, editing is very hard too. Today, it took me 7 and a half hours to edit a fic. On the Dr. Angel Face fic, specifically, the hardest part was being able to keep a balance between fiction and realism. I don’t want my stories to feel unrealistic so I always strive to write things you would encounter irl (I hope I am successful at it, I am really trying hard)

The easiest part about writing the Dr. Angel Face AU is the interactions between the characters, finding the reasoning behind what they do, and how the others react to their doings. You will see next week when I post the Alternative part that everything my characters do is justified by past actions and their relationships with others. 

And in regards to the inspiration behind the fic, I can honestly say that it kinda found me. I  got inspired by so many things. The Doctor Angel Face au was created kinda by accident. I wrote the first part, Fetish while watching an episode of Grey’s anatomy and I kinda wondered how I could fit my characters into the GA universe. The Fetish part was a request so I wanted to give something unique. I didn’t think I could actually cultivate it into a series. Then I wrote the Heat part. I was actually inspired by a Greek Trap song called Caliente (which was the original title of the story). I wanted the story to revolve around the sexual chemistry of the couple, and I actually didn’t plan on it being a part 2 to the Fetish story. But I started writing and the universe I was creating fit so well with the Fetish story, so I made a couple of changes to fit it in. Then people started liking the Doctor AU and asked for more. So I came up with the Dr. Angel Face part. I wanted it to be this cozy, Christmas story but didn’t want to limit it to just it. So, a follower of mine ( @saphseoul  ) suggested a couple of things I should include in it, like their backstory. Their backstory was inspired by a story Ashton told on a soundcheck about the day the met Andy Deluca (basically, Ashton and Calum were in a car accident but they were fine so they sat on the curb and ate chicken tenders and drank milkshakes). I felt like that would be such a great backstory for them. And of course, some parts of them are kinda inspired by the episodes of GA, but I try not to copy them. For the Alternative part of the Dr. Angel Face (which I will be posting next week and I am so excited about), I was inspired by something that might sound stupid, but it is actually the truth. I was actually inspired by a daydream. Back in December, I was working on the shittiest job I’ve ever worked, so to cope I built the scenario about the alternative (I quit from the job by the way). It is angsty and a bit torturing, to be honest, but like all my stories, it will have a happy ending.  

I have been writing for years (6 years seem like forever to me) so I have learned to pick the tiniest inspiration and cultivated into more. 

Thank you for your questions. If you have more, please send them in ❤️