#growing up is funny cuz before in i was like i want to be 18/19 forever !!!

[doyouknowhoyouare]

ok but high schoolers are so interesting the way their minds work… lol

[blueiight]

i never really understood the pearl clutching wrt to claudia wanting to have sex. louis was experimenting with boys but he's scandalised that claudia at over 18 is interested in sex. did he really think they froze everything when they turned her? like the minute she asked about love between two men, louis should have known she was growing up.

also lestat knew exactly what he was triggering taking her to lover's lane. and i think he knew what would follow with claudia's sexuality awakening.

i think clauds asking lou about love between two men wasnt so much about her tryna understand her own sexuality but moreso the fact that lxl were prolly the first gay relationship shes ever seen in her life beforehand. cuz before that scene shes writing ‘they have a funny way of being nice with eachother’ and shes looking at lestat’s hand on louis shoulder. louis is pretty clear about wanting claudia bc he couldnt have children, bc he lost his family, whereas lestat sees claudia as a means to keep louis but grows to see her as his child too. mutual babytrap gone terribly wrong. but ur definitely onto something with how lestat takes claudia to hunt at lover’s lane..

les is giving “back in my day, when u reached 14 u understood sexual innuendos” here lol. lestat & louis engorge claudia with luxurious items on their terms: giving her a diary, clothing, scraps of sentiment, and the knowledge of the hunt. an adolescent vampire possesses a reduced level of impulse control, and she shows such, her reactions are beyond control of what lestat + louis terms are even when shes mentally closer to a child in the beginning of her arc. she ends up gorging herself on flesh, to where lestat & louis come under heightened scrutiny bc of it.

now whether u mean fans or lxl characters ‘pearl clutching’, idk but it serves well to why lestat and louis have different reasons for wanting claudia to remain their child, even at the expense of her wants and desires.. if u mean fans i think its bc the costuming/acting on bass’s end suggest claudia in ep4 occupies far more of a childlike role bc she is still mentally young for some parts of the episode. her childish perspective girds our viewpoint in some parts, with the camera at lower angles, fantastical scenes of bones and flesh sticking out when the police inspect the townhouse that logically, could not have been there, the soundtrack even sounds childish if that makes sense. even tho she ages from 14-21 years old in this ep, she is living her second [or first, really] act of childhood. but at some point the ‘child’ wants to be free of their ‘parents’ terms and conditions.

u have a p clear violation of her boundaries when lestat and louis read thru her diary in an attempt to ascertain where she kept the bodies, but theyre also trying to read ‘their’ creation bc shes starting to explore a sense of self outside of being ‘their’ child.

and that sense of ‘self’ includes also, a sexual self. charlie even says he cant believe claudia is a young woman [19 is the age she is at the time they meet?] bc of how young she looks. her killing charlie in a lust filled craze, lestat making her watch him burn, leads claudia to asking what her lot in life will be. why cant she have her lestat, her louis? she fails to make companions bc of her incomplete physical maturation as an adolescent and her weakness at the time as a vampire, killing any companion she tries to make. and its truly a sad lot in life to where creeps & freaks interested in perpetual adolescence/youth r what claudia feels is her only chance at a romantic, much less, sex life.

[mistiedwagonfyre]

M(erry) Monday: Just Some Get to Know You Stuff...

So I got these from moonysmind so I should probably @ them... 

@moonysmind-blog

Ok, let's get this party started! 

1. Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?

Blue if I'm writing something, black if I'm outlining a paper. But overall, black pens are my go-to just because I have more of them. I seriously need to stock up on blue pens... Also, who uses a red pen for anything other than corrections just because that's the way they've been taught? 

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or the city?

The Country. Or somewhere in the middle. I just feel like I'd be able to manage less people over more people and get to know them more personally. And, let's be honest, the country has gorgeous skies and sprawling fields and meadows. And it feels like you could take a deep breath and just absorb the atmosphere. 

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

Balance. It would help in everything because yours truly is a ball of clumsy fluff.

4. Do you drink your tea or coffee with sugar?

Heh, I drink hot chocolate with marshmallows so...

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

Anything I could get my hands on. I. Love. Books. My favorite series as a kindergartener was the Magic Tree House tho.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

Depends on my mood. Baths are for when I've got tons of time to just relax  and get my mind off things and showers remind me of rain and I love them too. I take showers more often but that doesn't mean anything.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which would you choose?

This is a hard one cuz I love all things mystical and magical... 

My immediate thought was a dragon but they get killed a lot in the myths and they're almost always stuck guarding something. Then I was like, ok then. What about a phoenix? So ya, I'd be a phoenix. Don't get me wrong, I'd totally go with all the mythical creatures and just cycle through them all, just if I had to choose just one it'd be a phoenix. Maybe, since I'd technically live forever, I could meet every single mythical creature ever. That'd be pwetty cool...

8. Do you prefer reading paper or electronic books?

Paper. It's what I've grown up with. I know, classy me. Also, there is nothing quite like the smell of a new book. Just sayin'.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

Punny t-shirts. All I'm gonna say.

10. Do you like your name? Would you ever change it?

Yes. If I had to change it, I'd love to be Reyna or Luna. Otherwise, I'm keeping it.

11. Who is a mentor to you?

Mostly myself. I taught myself to draw, anyhow. If not me, my mom or my newest art teacher or my neighbor. 

12. Would you ever want to be famous? If so, what for?

Yes and no. I want to inspire people (whether with art or my quirky personality) but don't want the pressure that popularity and fame brings. 

13. Are you a restless sleeper? 

If being a night owl counts as restless, then yes. If being a deep sleeper when I am actually asleep doesn't, then no.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic?

Considering I like guys who are chivalrous and funny... yes?

15. Which element best represents you?

Water. I'm chill until all my suppressed emotions rush out. You can't hold back the ocean forever. And you can't prevent the inevitable: Me being weird. Just ask my sister, she thinks I'm insane (which is probably accurate). Also, I may seem shallow on the surface, but I can actually be very deep sometimes. I could go on and on about my relationship with water, but that's a tale for another time.

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

Everyone. I love strengthening relationships with people. It makes the group stronger as a whole.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

Always.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

I'd love too, but then storyteller Mistie will appear and this list will become infinitely longer. You'll have to ask me in my questions tab if you really want to hear one. 

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

Can't decide which is weirder: Watermelon with taco seasoning or raw onion with mustard... Both are equally delicious in the summertime at a BBQ.

20. What can you see outside your bedroom window?

A ladder, some rocks, and a dead vole. My old room had a much better view... 

21. What are you most thankful for?

My Savior

22. Do you like spicy food?

Not particularly, no. 

23. Have you ever met someone famous?

Alex Boyé. He went to a really unsanitary restaurant before he came to our house one time and puked all over our newly waxed floors. I feel bad for him. Everyone but him knew not to eat at that runofthemill A&W on the way up. He still put on a mini concert for us tho and that was pretty considerate of him, because he did it even though he can't have felt like doing it.

24. Do you keep a diary or journal?

Yup. I've got entries from back in kindergarten, amazingly. Granted, back then I wrote in pictures.

25. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

Pencil. I'm human, I make mistakes.

26. What is your star sign?

Well, I was a Pisces. But then they discovered that there are more stars in the sky, just like there are more fishes in the sea, and just bunched a bunch of Pisces together so now I'm Aquarius. I'm still a Pisces at heart tho.

27. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

Crunchy. Better texture. Soggy cereal is oatmeal in my mind and if you want oatmeal, you actually make oatmeal, not let your cereal sit out for who knows how long. 

28. What would you want your legacy to be?

Legacy is a tricky thing. You've gotta know what people are gonna think of you down the line. I want mine to be simple: she wasn't afraid of who she was and what others would think of that. She was herself, and that's all that matters. I feel like that's the best legacy I could have for the future generations who will grow up in a world of trial and tribulation.

29. Do you like reading? What was the last thing you read?

ABSOLUTELY! I just finished Lodestar from Keeper of the Lost Cities. I shoulda read these books years ago but they're still fan-freaking-tastic! 

30. How do you show someone you love them?

I guess my love language is acts of service or whatever. So I'd probably serve them and do tons of sweet things for them. 

31. Do you like ice in your drinks?

No, it makes it all watery. Blegh.

32. What are you afraid of?

Lots of things. I just only realize when they come along and forget what they are afterwards. Sure, it may seem nice, but it makes the terror of coming into contact with them once more infinitely more terrorizing. But bugs are extremely horrifying. And so are arachnids.

33. What is your favourite scent?

Rain with freshly mowed grass and newly printed books at a campfire with Smores by the seashore. No one will ever be able to create this magnificent scent. 

34. Do you address older people by their first or last name?

Depends on how close we are.

35. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

Does this mean that everything is free? Well I'm gonna stockpile food and stuff and then ship them off to 3rd world countries. I'd try to save as many lives as possible. Or I could go there in person to deliver said goods... Yup. I've decided that that's what I'm gonna do!

36. Do you prefer swimming in pools or in the ocean?

Pools have a veil of safety but the ocean is much more beautiful and alive. Also, the smell of chlorine is gross. And the taste. Blegh.

37. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?

If it looks old and worn and dirty like it's been there a while, imma take it. Chances are whoever lost it has been long gone so I can actually take that $50 w/o feeling guilty. Otherwise I'd leave it there.

38. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

Heh, I used to wish on airplanes, satellites, and planets because I thought they were 'special stars'.

39. What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

To be kind, even when it is inconvenient. I don't know how many times someone has held the door open for me even when it seemed much more convenient for them to just go inside where it is warm and just let me open the stupid door on my own. 

Maybe I'd teach them that even the smallest acts can have the biggest impact. One of the two. Probably both.

40. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

Heh, you're talkin' to the girl who doesn't want her ears pierced. No way in heck am I getting a tattoo.

41. What can you hear right now?

Music and the sound of my thoughts.

42. Where do you feel the safest?

In a book.

43. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

Darkness and fear.

44. If you could travel back to any era, which would you choose?

The one with Michelangelo, Leonardo, and all those other guys that the ninja turtles were named after.

45. What is your most used emoji?

It's not even an emoji. It is literally XD. Either that or (^^) 

46. What is your favourite season? Why?

Torn between winter (snow), spring (life coming into bloom), and fall (all the pwetty colors).

47. How would you spend your ideal day?

On a window seat during a thunderstorm either sketching or reading a book all wrapped up in a blanket. Preferably with a cat. Sipping warm apple cider or hot chocolate with marshmallows.

48. Describe yourself using one word.

Me.

49. What do you regret the most?

Not realizing certain things sooner.

50. Invent your own word. What does it mean?

Crushyblushy (adj. n.)

The general mannerisms an individual enacts around people that they like (specifically in crush and/or love situations).

syn: awkward, quirky, shy, blushy

ant: confident, flirty, aplomb, able

[gifsbysimplysonia]

Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions, don’t cheat. Tag 10 (or however many) people

Thanks to @savemefromanepicoftimewasted & @sovietghoststories for the tags/for thinking of me!

Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions, don’t cheat. Tag 10 (or however many) people.

Brooklyn 99

Doctor Who

Bob’s Burgers

Golden Girls

Firefly

1. Who is your favorite character in 2? The Twelfth Doctor

2. Who is your least favorite character in 1? I do not have one, everyone on B99 is essential and hilarious in their own way. OH! LIES! Charles Boyles’ ex-wife is a REAL horrible B lol

3. What is your favorite episode of 4? Episode 2.24 “To Catch a Neighbor.” Cops have to stake out the GG’s neighbor, so they set up shop in the GG house. There are 2 cops, Al & Bobby. Al is older (GG age) and in charge and Bobby is a young rookie (played by George Clooney). Anyways, Al and Dorothy REALLY clash and anytime we see them, they argue/shout at each other. But at one point, they are fighting in the kitchen and then Al decides to go out on the lanai to try and get a glimpse of what’s up with the criminal neighbors and he “invites” Dorothy to go with him. More arguing and then THIS happens and it’s honestly one of my favorite scenes in ANYTHING of ALL TIME (and if you know me/been around this blog long enough, you know exactly why)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LETidmvn9E

4. What is your favorite season of 5? There was only 1 lol 

5. Who is your favorite couple in 3? Linda & Bob Belcher are literally ideal? Marriage isn’t a chore and they don’t hate each other or being married to each other. They just tackle each day, each problem, each ridiculous scenario that pops up in their lives as it comes, and they do it together. And they still love each other/are interested in each other cuz they play with sex dice and try to do special things for each other lol. I luff them.

6. Who is your favorite couple in 2? RIVER AND THE DOCTORRRRRRRRRR! And I refuse to pick which Doctor cuz River and Eleven had that amazing “I hate you” / “No you don’t” vibe which they originated. But then River and Twelve had their own vibe and it was SO tender and precious at the end. Sigh. LOVE THEM!    

7. What is your favorite episode of 1? Episode 2.22 “The Chopper.” Captain Holt finally stops worrying about Madeline, gets into the investigation, and declares that his call sign is VELVET THUNDER and it’s honestly one of my favorite moments in the whole series lol but Captain Holt is honestly just one of the best characters on TV.

8. What is your favorite episode of 5? I haven’t watched Firefly in SO LONG. ‘Shindig’ is pretty good cuz Mal lets his feelings for Inara show when he gets all jealous. ‘Jaynestown’ where Jayne is a hero is crazy. And then ‘The Message’ is just ... it’s breathtaking in a lot of ways. 

9. What is your favorite season of 2? Season 2 is really good but I honestly watch that show every night I go to bed and I’ve seen all episodes SO many times lol

10. How long have you watched 1? Maybe 2 years? My brother started me binging in one day and then before I knew it I was like, “I can’t believe how good this is!” 

11. How did you become interested in 3? Since the first episode. Before that, even. Funny thing is, with how bad my memory is, I couldn’t tell you how we even found out about it. We stumble onto some weird quirky sh!t but we’ve definitely been watching Bob’s Burgers since episode 1 and our loves only grows with each episode. 

12. Who is your favorite actor in 4? I will always and forever worship Bea Arthur, but props MUST be given to Estelle Getty because she played a character SO MUCH OLDER than she actually was and I honestly didn’t even realize til years later. 

13. Which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5? ROODE, not choosing lol

14. Which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3? I’ve seen all episodes of both so I’m not sure

15. If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? Dorothy Zbornak, hands DOWN! I wanna be able to say what I mean in a shady way that cuts to the quick lol

16. Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? No, but it’s an interesting concept! I would’ve loved to have seen the Golden Girls animated and in Bob’s Burgers world.

17. Pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple? I honestly think Amy Santiago and Rosa Diaz could be a VERY complimentary couple

18. Overall, which show has a better storyline, 3 or 5? Firefly was amazing and got canceled WAY before its time and I have always wanted to know where that story would’ve gone

19. Which has the better theme music, 2 or 4? If you don’t sing along to the GG theme when you hear it, what are you even doing with your life?!?!? LOL but the Doctor Who theme is also iconic without lyrics so it’s a tie.

Again, everyone I try to tag doesn’t respond/doesn’t see the tag/doesn’t feel like participating so if you want to, tag me as having tagged you!!! 

[ittybittytatertot]

Going off of your Babs/Batgirl/Oracle answer, what would be your preferred "Entire Batfam" roster? So, specifically, who would have what mantle in what order for how long? You said you'd want Babs to be the first Batgirl, how long would that last? How long would Dick be Robin before becoming Nightwing? Etc. Etc. (Sorry if this is too big of an ask! I know the Batfam is gargantuan and keeping track of times is even more hefty of a task, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.)

Ooh okay, I think I’d want Babs to be Batgirl into her early twenties? Mostly because by the time she starts thinking about updating her mantle since she’s a woman not a girl now, Batwoman is already a thing. She comes up with the name Oracle but the time to switch to it never feels right until later.

I actually think how Dick became Nightwing around college works well so he’d be 18/19 by the time he becomes Nightwing?

Bruce: I want Bruce to retire. He needs it, his family needs it, but he’d never be able to handle it :/ he really will be Batman until he dies.

Kate: Batwoman!

Jason: Robin ages 14-16 starts being Red Hood at 19/20

Tim: Robin ages 15-17 Red Robin ages 18 and on

Steph: This girl goes through codenames like I go through pencils. Robin, Batgirl, Spoiler, Nightwing...tbh let her be Robin again, give her the respect she deserves, and then let her grow into a new hero identity on better terms.

Cass: The Orphan identity is just an insult, and they don’t want to call her Black Bat because of copyright issues, apparently. So she should be Batgirl. And when Bruce retires, she becomes Batman.

Damian: Robin 10-14 then he should become his own hero mantle for a while. No Al Ghuls no Bats and Birds. A completely original hero name. Let him grow, be a kid be a teen be an adult, and then when Dick retires, he becomes Nightwing.

Duke: Robin (IDK how long We Are Robin was supposed to last or exactly what age he was in that [I’m guessing 16??]) I like the name Signal though. It’s funny cuz ya know the Bat...signal. 

Bette: Flamebird from like 17 on. I know that Flamebird is supposedly a Kryptonian myth like Nightwing and Dick has the Nightwing name because Superman approved, but hear me out. I like Flamebird!Bette.

Uhhh I don’t know too much about Tiffany Fox, Harper Row, Luke Fox, and so on. If I learn more about them I’ll add them. Sorry this isn’t a fully thought-out timeline or anything.

[egg2k16]

Quotes from 12th grade

I forgot to upload these when I graduated, but here they are now!

8/28/17

2. Carlos "I'm giving up my health" 9/5/17 Mario "If we still here during lunch, we can sneak out!" Patricia "You want to sneak into class?"

9/18/17 2. Aliyah "It was hard" Morua "I know it was hard" Sabian "I know it was hard. I made it that way" 2. Brandon "My special need is aid"

10/3/17 6. Vicky "Valery, why is this such shit?" 10/4/17 3. David "Alright Mr. Morua I'll be right back" Class "MR. MORUA?!?!?!" David "Mr. Grana" 10/4/17 Karina "Deaf blind and very confused" Me "That should be the name of my biography" ~ Joselyne "If you're not a competitive person, then don't apply to competitive schools"

10/6/17 3. Luis "I was thinking about the cheese"

10/12/17 3. Me "Unchangeable and swole" Karina "You sound like a fuckboy trying to write a love poem" Me "Am I not a fuckboy trying to write a love poem?"

10/13/17 2. Me "A pity pizza, if you will" 2. Me "All those cans there look sexy" Karina "Your sexuality is those cans. How gay are you? See those cans?" Me "Yeah? Yeah"

10/13/17 4. Student "What movie is this, Captain America?" Students "Civil War" Student "But it's Captain America, right?" Students "Yes" Student "You could have just said so, damn" 10/14/17 Rafael "It's a butter knife, not a cutter knife!"

10/17/17 2. Morua "What are complement goods?" Carlos "Nutella" Morua "Nutella and what?" Me "Nutella and everything" Morua "Nutella and everything. You're not wrong, Valery"

2. Morua "You still have to pay taxes" Marcelo "Not if they don't know you're there"

11/7/17

3. Me “You think I'm not aware, yet what you don't know is that I'm increasingly aware every time I write an essay”

Grana “Ahh, it's almost like you're learning in school”

11/8/17

2. Morua “Disney stocks are very expensive. You would own the paperclip on the CEO’s desk.”

6. Vicky “Cortina”

Joselyne “Everything he says is ugly”

11/13/17

6. Regalado “Only positive stuff now”

Johnny “Oh, ok. Khan Academy is good.”

*silence*

*laughter*

6. Girl “I don't have time to take notes and I don't have time to draw!”

6. Me “It's a see-saw. It's a danger see-saw. Over a cliff. While it's on fire!”

6. Me “That's so pretty. Let's take a field trip to the Hagia Sophia”

Class “Mhmm”

6. Nathalie “I've never seen a Bible in my life”

6. Joselyne “Oh my God. He vored the Bible”

11/16/17

1. Mrs. Ski “Robert, are you still with us?”

Robert *almost asleep* “Yes”

11/20/17

2. Me “You know, that's your problem. You just hand out the tests and they’ll have to figure out what to do with it!”

Morua “You know what, Valery, you right”

11/27/17

6. Me “I like how the lady explaining the mandalas is a white lady”

11/30/17

3. Grana “You just rewrote a Hemingway novel!”

12/5/17

1. Ski “Bleeding hearts want to stop the dear-loving!”

2. Karina “I'm confused and concerned!”

6. Malo “This video is twenty long!”

12/7/17

?. “Don't blame me for your shitty immune system!”

12/11/17

2. Morua “Adulting waits for no one”

12/14/17

3. Rafael “The devil is his father!”

3. Andrea “I'm bullying myself!”

Lunch. Rafael “Oh that's right, I forgot! I'm mad at you too! You're all trash!”

Lunch. Lauryn “She said she liked dick.”

Me “DICK?”

Lauryn “Yes, exactly”

7. Rodriguez “When you're an adult you can make the decision of either moving back to Costa Rica or … Colombia?” “Yeah” “Yeah, I remember Costa Rica more because you're more emphatic when you talk about it. It's like the forgotten little dog”

12/19/17

2. Morua “Death taxes”

Brandon “There's a tax on dying?”

12/20/17

3. Grana “Oh yeah, if he was a cold stone killer. Stone cold. Hehe, ice cream!”

12/22/17

2. Me “What are we gonna do today?”

Joselyne “Nothing”

Morua “What's the phrase … comiendo mierda”

2. Karina “Kids are cool, but dogs are awesome”

?. “TRUST ME YOU NEED TO GO TO FUCKING COLLEGE”

1/16/18

2. Me “B E T !”

2. Morua *about Lord of the Flies* “And as the book continues, what happens?”

Me “Angry little boys”

2. Me “Just don't murder people. But if you do get murdered, then that's your fault”

Karina “Don't be a little bitch!”

2. Morua “The govt makes sure that your rights are protected”

Me “But are they?”

Karina “No they aren't”

Me “You right”

1/18/18

6. Malo “It's just France, except take out the nce”

6. Me “You can't have both, you bitch”

1/22/18

3. Grana “Do any of you recognize this band? (The Cure)”

Me “Are they … British boys?”

Grana “Yes they are British boys”

?. “I was prepared, just not for those questions”

5. Avila “Look at Carlos, making everyone look bad!”

Me “Wow, for the first time!”

Carlos “I know, right?!”

1/23/18

1. Andres “Who are you waiting for?”

Me “Jesus”

1/24/18

3. Karina “Ugh, English”

Me “You're a native English speaker!”

3. David “I love the murdering of families”

Carlos “You know, that's kinda hot”

Grana “At this point, nothing surprises me anymore”

3. Marla “He had the Dexter goods!”

5. Brandon “When you drive, you'll finally have a new perspective on life”

7. Rodriguez “I'm worried, I couldn't do that simple handshake. I wonder if I'm dying”

1/26/18

2. Joselyne “It's just ice, bro. Zane from Ninjago says this”

Me “Canon”

2. Morua “Let's say Agustin is talking in class. And I'm teaching the class and I hear talking behind me and I say, ‘Agustin, go to the office.’”

Agustin “That's just Mr. Sisak”

2. Morua “Robert, are you really living if the government protects you from Karina and the Mexicans?”

2. David “Wow, I can choose between Raul Castro or Castro, Raul”

2. Brianell “You can either choose Raul Castro or Raúl Cástro. One with an accent one without, and if you pick the one without, you die”

1/29/18

1. Samantha “Screw you and your detours”

3. Grana “Yeah, the pizza, pizza van hit him”

Carlos “Pizza pizza?”

Grana “Thanks for that, Carlos”

1/30/18

1. Me “I'm not a meanie”

Samantha “Yeah, she's not a wasp!”

1/31/18

3. Carlos “Did you get the goods?”

Me “Te pasaste la raya”

Carlos “Man shut yo mouth!”

Me “YOU shut your mouth!”

Class *ooo*

Grana “I'm gonna end it there on Valery’s victory”

3. Me “Your eyes don't grow, you grow into your eyes!”

3. Me “Are you still talking about your eyes?”

Kafruni “Is that why you need glasses?”

3. Me “He's a little bitch. You think a hardcore bitch would kill people who talk smack about them??”

3. Gio “You've heard of Atomic Blonde, now get ready for Hardcore Bitch”

2/2/18

Lunch. Joselyne and Me “various versions of Oscar Isaac came to my house”

2/5/18

1. Andrew “I'm a professional kayaker”

1. Andrew “Shut the fuck up, ugly. I'll leave you in the Everglades”

2. Me “What did we do last class?”

Karina “I'm the wrong person to ask that”

2. Isa “You got them ratchet-ass K Mart markers”

6. Khan “It's a phallus”

Me “I KNEW IT!”

Regalado “Obviously”

2/7/18

1. Ski “Quarter 3 is the toughest when it comes to grades, right Agustin?”

1. Ski “The little mosquito that could”

2. Morua “The last war the United States fought on US soil was the Civil War”

Karina “It's because we're smart”

Me “Are we?”

Karina “No”

Marcelo “It's cuz we have a moat”

Morua “Actually, two moats. Two big moats on either side with favorable countries on either side”

2/8/18

3. Tall “The tone is pessimistic and bleak, because that's how Poe is”

3. Gio “... Fortunado has the moral high ground”

Grana “Oh, so he's Obi Wan”

Me “ :D “

3. Me “It's over, Monstresor”

Grana “Ahh :D “

3. Me “Moral of the story is: There is no morality”

3. Grana “Yeah, it's like ‘Oh sorry man I stubbed your toe.’ ‘You're dead to me’”

5. Ivory “You're pregnant? Welcome to Chili’s!”

2/9/18

2. Me “It's okay. It's understandable. You're valid, Mr. Morua”

Morua “Thank you”

2. Karina “They're Other now”

Morua “Umm, we prefer Miscellaneous”

Me *dying from laughter*

Morua “Okay, it wasn't that funny, Valery”

Me “Let me laugh, Morua, damn”

2/2018

1. Me “It's a little bitch”

Sam “Yeah, but what kind of little bitch?”

2/23/18

2. Morua “Say hi, Kafruni”

Everyone “Say hi, Kafruni!”

3/7/18

6. Regalado “I wonder what they did in the medieval times with a solar eclipse”

Me “Johnny’s blind! Shit, that's the fifth one today!”

3/8/18

3. Me “Peacocks are just chickens. Any bird is a chicken if you try hard enough”

3. Grana “Peacocks, we know, are flamboyant chickens”

5. *Brandon just abandoned Brito*

Brito “I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WOULD BETRAY ME! WHY DID I TRUST YOU! EVERYONE ALWAYS LEAVES ME, MAN!”

3/9/18

1. Me “This is all your fault, Sebastian”

Sebastian “Okay”

6. Vicky “I have P.E. for sixth period”

3/12/18

7. D Rod “Lies, slander, and libel. Write that down, that I missed it”

3/19/18

1. Me “Drink up, bitch”

6. Regalado “Japan”

Diana “Oh, K-Cock?”

3/21/18

1. Sam “You're killing my vibes”

4/3/18

3. Mary “Did you finish the book?”

Rafael “Did I raise my hand?”

4/4/18

2. Morua “Now you guys can stalk Marco Rubio”

Sabian “We want you to stalk Marco Rubio!”

Morua “I'm not paid enough to stalk Marco Rubio”

Me “We'll pay you to stalk Marco Rubio!”

2. Morua “The average congressman is a white male -”

Me “Wow”

Morua “- and in their late 50s”

Me “I did not know this information at all before in my life”

Kafruni “Jaja, Valery”

2. Morua “This is our district”

Marcelo “Why is it like that. Why is it drawn like that. I disagree with our grouping”

4/5/18

3. Sebastian *about Norwegian Wood* “I kind of lost my train of thought during the interview, but it's cool”

4/6/18

6. Window *laughing but squeaking*

Nathalie “Window sounds like when you cleaning a window!”

6. Window “What happened?”

Me “You're laughing but you're squeaking so much you sound like when you're cleaning a glass window!”

Angelina *dying of laughter* “That's really good, Valery!”

4/8/18

7. Me *about the Star Trek vs Star Wars shirts* “I represented Star Wars. Are you proud of me?”

Rodriguez “Yes I am, my child”

Me “Oh my God, Patty, he finally recognizes me as his child!”

Rodriguez “I meant that in the spiritual sense”

Patty “You guys have a weird dynamic”

Me “But it works!”

Rodriguez *laughs*

Me “Sometimes a family can be a disgruntled 30-something year old man and an energetic 18 year old girl”

4/10/18

6. Regalado “It's a gradient of racism”

4/11/18

7. Rodriguez “Soon, a new Snapchat is gonna come out that will make the original Snapchat look old. What will happen to the last three years of your life?”

Isabella Ruiz “It'll be a fun time, it made me happy”

4/12/18

2. Morua “I don't get why this is so complicated. The exam is on the 24th. If you'd like, we can have a quiz in the days before about the days of the week”

4/13/18

~*Gradbash*~ After hours

Matthew “JUMANJI?????”

Capt Brianell “Matthew, I stick my 12 size foot up your ass!”

Brianell “Go the fuck to sleep!!!”

Rafael “Matthew, you turn on that light, you won't be able to see it!”

Karina “I love this sweater, man”

4/16/18

2. Agustín “Yo, can we all graduate together?”

Lunch. Rafael “Joselyne is my best friend”

Joselyne “What the fuck”

4/17/18

3. Gio “I don't know, I don't watch anime”

4/24/18

6. Regalado “The Bauhaus is a rejection of art nouveau”

Me “Is everything in art a rejection of something else?”

Regalado “Yes”

Hass “Hehehe”

6. Window looks at me

I look at window

Me “What?”

Window “What?”

Me “You were the one who looked at me first!”

Diana and Nathalie *laugh*

4/25/18

1. Shawn “Do I have to do para, par, pa, parisitm?”

Ski “Parasitism”

Shawn “That's exactly what I said”

1. Shawn “Dude, why is your example so long? An example is like, an example”

1. Shawn “What are you talking about? If the Earth wasn't sustainable, we wouldn't be here right now”

4/26/18

2. Morua “The President is Chief Citizen, the most well-known citizen of the United States, which we know… is a lie”

5/1/18

3. Karina “When you call us up, are you going to show us our essays-?”

Grana “Your Oscar Wao essay”

Cortina “Oh man”

5/2/18

2. Morua “I can't just fire Valery because I don't like her hair. Valery is incompetent at her job… plus her hair is dumb”

6. Regalado “It'd be a Venus, but since it's era, you have to put the Greek one”

Window “Jesus Christ”

Regalado “No, Jesus isn't there yet”

5/4/18

2. Morua “Writing papers is so easy yet you guys are always, uggggghhhhhh”

Me “It's because we like to write, we just don't like to write for school”

Jethro “Not everyone writes, Valery”

2. Karina “This is too much adult conversation, I'm gonna throw up”

5/7/18

1. Sebastian “Cadmium yellow!”

Vicky “Did you search up ‘Bob Ross yellow’?”

Sebastian “No, I put in ‘yellow Bob Ross’!”

5/11/18

3. Me “Would I lie to you about the X Men?”

Carlos “OOOHHH!!!”

5/16/18

4. Jose Diaz “What's a weaboo?”

Me “You don't wanna know”

Student “OOOHHH!!!”

6. Vicky, crying, mouth full “I love eating”

5/21/18

1. Shawn “You guys don't know how to take care of a child at all”

1. Andrew “What is this, a parent-teacher conference?”

5/24/18

3. Carlos “Hey Mr. Grana, for the playlist project-”

*Grana plays music*

Carlos “- Oh shit”

5/29/18

3. Marla “I love this song!” (Best Part by Daniel Caesar)

Carlos “What is this?”

Marla “Shut up, Soundcloud rapper”

Everyone “OOOHHHH”

5/30/18

?. “No cabrón, esto es un auto de última generación”

6/1/18

2. Joselyne “Today is Tom Holland’s birthday”

Me “Wow, and on the first day of Pride Month. Hmmm”

Joselyne “Hmmm!!!”

6. Me “You will get to mine, right?”

Morua “Yes”

Me “Awesome, thank you, my mom loves you!”

Matthew “That's what you always want to hear. My mom loves you”

6. Steven “Wait, do you want me to sign it?”

Me “Of course, that's why I put it there!”

Steven “I was so confused, you didn't pass it along!”

Me “Did I put it there for decoration? I put it there for a purpose!”

Steven “I got you, I gotchu”

[we-wanna-support-you]

stray kids “must watch” materlist

hey so as i go through the stray kids tag a couple of times a day ive noticed a lot of new fans that are looking for help on how to get into stray kids, so i wanted to make a masterlist of all their “must watch” videos to make life a little easier for our new friends :)

pt.2 - there’s a limit for links per post so i will be updating links for new episodes and shows in the pt.2

i will try to make this the most organized as it could be and i added a read more section cuz i aint coming to annoy no one lmao

ALSO if you want some fan-made must watch videos masterlist pls tell me im thinking about it! also if i missed pls tell me.

my 3racha masterlist

music videos: 

hellevator / district 9 / grow up / rock (street ver.) /

performance videos: 

grr / young wings / mirror / hellevator /

dance practices:  

hellevator / district 9 / grr / mirror random speed ver. / mirror part switch ver. /

mvs behind the scenes:

district 9 / hellevator /

stray kids survival show: 

to watch full episodes - X cuts from the show with eng - a playlist performances: yayaya / dance battle / rap / vocal battle / school life /

stray cuts: short clips of behind the scenes of their survival show.

ep 1 / ep 2 / ep 3 / ep 4 / ep 5 /

the 9th season 1: can be found on vlive (and youtube) with english subs, is a series of 4 episodes of the boys basically doing stuff they really wanted to do together before their debut (warning: ep 4 might make you cry). 

ep 1 / ep 2 / ep 3 / ep 4 /

the 9th season 2: (also can be found on vlive) it only started (as of now it has only 4 episodes) and for this season they still do more things they wanted to do but it's a lot more mixed and basically a variety of videos. 

ep 1 / ep 2 / ep 3 / ep 4 / ep 5 /

sk-talker: (can be found on youtube and vlive with eng sub) it's their during promotions series of behind the scenes videos. episodes 1-7 belong to their debut era.

ep 1 / ep 2 / ep 3 / ep 4 / ep 5 / ep 6 / ep 7 /

spot kids: so there are 2 kinds: black and white. The black are videos of a few minutes of literally whatever they do behind the scenes and the same for white except that the white are a lot shorter and are on twitter and the black ones are on youtube. I think it's more like a filler content you can always go back to and catch up on. there were a few uploaded on vlive before they started to do th white/black separation.

vlive spot kids - 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 white (twitter) spot kids -  1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 /  there are more episodes in the pt.2 at the top :) black (youtube) spot kids - 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 / there are more episodes in the pt.2 at the top :)

INTRO (I am NOT/ I am WHO ect): basically these are episodes that show the boys preparing for their debut showcase/comebacks and also their recording process (its really interesting), they explain a little about each song on the album and talk about the recording process, usually on the second ep they show how they prepared the dances for the songs and talk about hidden meanings in the dance.

[INTRO: I am NOT] - ep 1 / ep 2 / there are more videos in the pt.2 at the top!

other vlives: 

lieV / happiness train / mukkbang party! / 

iconic vlives:

3racha vlive / they talk mostly about first impressions / at the han river / ramen making and craziness / hide & seek in japan / sport! / 

amigo tv: they had 3 episodes and individual teasers. It was really funny too and I'm sure you'll enjoy it :) 

personal teasers - hyunjin / seungmin / i.n / lee know / han / bang chan / woojin / felix / changbin ep 1 / ep 2 / ep 3 /

k-rush: um.... Definitely iconic in the fandom so... Yeah just watch it.. It's quite a something.

X

 after school club: they had 2 episodes on ASC!! (And also chan was an mc on a different episode). 

ep 1 / ep 2 /

pops in seoul: worth watching lol

X

there are obviously a lot more videos out there but i tried to put the most important ones?? anyway i hope i helped you :)

like i always say - if you have any questions or just wanna talk my ask box and messages are always open so come talk, don’t be shy!!

[balancedpluto]

All arcana asks ;)

I hate u so much Hayden. Putting it under a read more cuz HECK this is a lot. Also u can clearly tell Rose is my most fleshed out apprentice lmao. U can also tell when I started to burn out lol. THIS TOOK ME ALL DAY HECK

1. Name? Surname?Rose LaFontaineAaron (???)Lyra (???)

2. Any Family?Rose: she has a sister who’s 10 years older than her named Yvette, she’s a pirate. And her mother still lives in Fantasy France.Aaron: SO MANYLyra:….she doesn’t like to talk about it

3.Any Familiar?Rose: A bull mastiff named Mika who can change in size (so she can fit in a pocket or be the size of a horse, at her will)Aaron: A bearded dragon named Sir Slappy Skiddaddly the Third Lyra: A cute little rat named Pixie

4.Asra, Nadia, or Julian?Rose: JulianAaron: AsraLyra: Nadia

5. Best strength in magic?Rose: IllusionsAaron: Fire magic. Anyone who follows Eereree saw this coming.Lyra: the creation and manipulation of light

6. Favorite color?Rose: Maroon or light pink Aaron: Red. Surprise surprise Lyra: Purple

7. Favorite number?Rose: 69Aaron: 420Lyra: HOW DID YOU TWO ANSWER THAT SO FAST??? Uhh, 7?

8. Sexuality?Rose: BiAaron: PanLyra: Lesbian

9. Weird hobby?Rose: not really weird so much as unexpected for her, but she likes to sew and knit.Aaron: Weed lmaoLyra: Buying books but never actually getting around to reading them.

10. Favorite season?Rose: SpringAaron: FallLyra: Spring as well

11. Favorite weather?Rose: Sunny, but not hot.Aaron: Thunderstorms Lyra: Drizzly

12. Favorite place in Vesuvia?Rose: The Raven, or Mazelinka’s place. She loves that lady like she was her own grandmother.Aaron: The market. That pumpkin bread thoLyra: The palace library

13. How does their laughter sound like?Rose: Sober, its a soft almost teasing giggle. Drunk, loud cackling. Both are very charming in their own way.Aaron: LOUDLyra: giggling and soft snorting

14. How do they look like when they cry?Rose: She doesn’t cry often so when she does its…a lot. Loud gross sobbing often accompanied by yelling. Its not pretty.Aaron: Ghibli tears. You can’t convince me otherwise.Lyra: A lot of sniffling

15. What do they like to wear?Rose: Long dresses/skirts with low cut tops. Her brests are her best asset and she’s gonna show em whether you like it or not.Aaron: Tits out. That’s all u need to know.Lyra: Long, modest cut dresses with a corset. Very simple, but she always looke nice.

16. What are their fears?Rose: Fears? Don’t know her. (Actually death, which is…ironic considering the circumstances)Aaron: Abandonment. And cockroaches.Lyra: Rejection. The dark.

17. What do they like to do Friday night?Rose: put on fancy lingerie, get wasted, and play card games.Aaron: Blaze it lmaoLyra: (cuddling with Nadia) Reading

18. Do they use makeup?Yes. All 3 of them.

19. Favorite food?Rose: Mama LaFontaine’s crepesAaron: Spicy Vegetarian ChiliLyra: Cookies (technically not FOOD, but sweets are her big weakness)

20. Favorite drink?Rose: Rosé wine. Sounds redundant considering her name, but thats why she likes it. Growing up she thought it was named after her.Aaron: Just water, surprisingly.Lyra: Green tea

21. Zodiac sign?Rose: CancerAaron: Cancer Lyra: Aquarius(I dont care i have two apprentices that are the same sign leave me alone)

22. Day of birth?Honestly haven’t even thought if that lmao

23. Favorite movie?Rose: Heathers. She loves a bad bitch movie.Aaron: Shrek. Lyra: Not really a movie person tbh. She likes Disney stuff tho.

24. Favorite music genre?Rose: Classic rock or indie. Also has an interest in things involving old or obscure instruments.Aaron: Pop PunkLyra: Soft indie or video game soundtracks

25. Favorite song?Rose: Over the Hills and Far Away- Patty GurdyAaron: It’s Never Sunny in South Philadelphia-The Wonder YearsLyra: Youth- Daughter

26. Favorite TV show?Rose: Likes to watch cooking shows cuz its usually the only thing good onAaron: Doesn’t really do TVLyra: Also not really into TV, will put on like, QVC or something for background noise tho (im guilty of this)

27. What is their style?Rose: Like i said before. Long skirt, tits OUT.Aaron: Lazy but somehow manages to look hot? How does he do that???Lyra: Simple and modest, but always in pretty colors.

28. Any mental health issues?Rose: She has some anger issues, along with a tendency to bottle everything upAaron: hrrhgghh i haven’t gotten that deep with him WHOOPSLyra: Really bad anxiety

29. Any health issues in general?Not really?

30. Are they human?Yeah….or are they dancer?

31. Favorite book?Rose: She honestly can’t remember the last time she had time to read for fun.Aaron: Wtf is a book lolLyra: Don’t make her choose for the love of god

32. Favorite book genre?The person writing these questions assumes I know books lmao

33. Favorite time of the day?Rose: SunsetAaron: Early afternoonLyra: Like, really early morning. My sweet child why are you awake this early

34. If they weren’t a magician, who would they be?Rose: A pirate like her sister. Unless this is meant as like a modern AU then she’d probably sew and knit cute things and sell them online.Aaron: Probably a video game youtuber tbhLyra: Not much different, only she’d run a little mom and pop knick knack/ book store instead of a magic shop

35. Do they believe in ghosts?Yeah

36. Do they believe in aliens?Kind of?

37. Do they like sports?What is this…sport you speak of?

38. How do they look like?Sexy

Rose: 

Aaron:

Lyra:

(art by @willowwish64 )

39. What is their biggest motivation to solve the Lucio’s killer mystery?Rose: To clear Julian’s name Aaron: To make sure it wasn’t him and he just doesn’t remember. I mean…fire is kinda his thing, so…Lyra: To put Nadia’s mind at ease

40. What do they think of Lucio so far?Rose: “He’s an asshole.”Aaron: “Goatman! Fuck you, goatman!”Lyra: “I can never look at a goat again without feeling terrified”

41. What do they think of Nadia so far?Rose: “She’s the kind of woman I strive to be. I have so much respect for her.”Aaron: “A smart, capable woman. Also really hot like wowie.”Lyra: “She’s so amazing and so beautiful and i don’t know why she likes me so much, I’m so dull compared to her and-” (this can go on for hours)

42. What do they think of Asra so far?Rose: “A great friend and mentor. I’d do anything for him.”Aaron: “He’s like…a human sheep…but really skinny…imagine hugging cotton candy filled with bones…its amazing. Also dat ass.” (He loves him but he’s bad at serious answers)Lyra: “A close friend to whom i owe my life”

43. What do they think of Julian so far?Rose: “Oh, Julian. How do i begin to describe how i feel about him? I’ve never met someone who’s so smart and witty yet so dumb? And he’d do anything for you but doesn’t think he deserves the same, even though he does. And, well, i could go on but the long and the short of it is, I love that idiot.”

Aaron: “He’s like a taller, hotter version of me AND IM SO PISSED”Lyra: “he sure is…something”

44. What do they think of Portia so far?Rose: “My future sister in law???? I love her so much! ”Aaron: “She’s…so small…my god im surrounded by small people”Lyra: “She’s so lovely!! She’s like my best friend!”

45. What do they think of Muriel so far?Rose: “He…doesn’t like to talk much does he? And he’s so…TALL. Makes you wonder about…things.”Aaron: “Him big. ”Lyra: “He…kind of scares me a bit? ”

46. Do they like animals?OF COURSE

47. Are they allergic to anything?Nope

48. Do they have any talents (except magic)?Rose: Again, she’s really good at sewing/knittingAaron: He can lick his elbow. And he shows off his “skill” to everyone. Charming i know.Lyra: She’s really good with animals

49. Do they get drunk easily?Rose: No, she can hold her liquor pretty well. She usually just gets tipsyAaron and Lyra: YES

50 .What is their personality type?*fart noises*

51. What is their worst negative quality?Rose: She tends to dodge any question that’ll make her show any negative emotion. Being with Julian is kind of helping her with that, since he needs her support and she feels okay talking about this stuff with him. Also she tends to be kind of overly sexual. She doesn’t really mean to, it just happens.Aaron: He tends to take serious things as a joke sometimes.Lyra: She likes to just, avoid people. She’d rather just be alone by her own choice than face rejection.

52. What is their best positive quality?Rose: She’s like a mom? You wouldn’t think that on the surface, but she’s actually really warm and motherly.Aaron: So fucking funny.Lyra: She has a heart of gold

53. What is their position to fall asleep?Rose: She likes to fall alseep with Julian resting his head on her chest and petting his hair. Motherly instincts, i guess. Also it’s the only surefire way of making sure he sleeps. If she’s alone, on her stomach or side with her arms under the pillow.Aaron: Starfish. Asra just has to deal with it, i guess.Lyra: Curled up with Nadia. It’s where she feels safest.

54. The most uncomfortable moment they ever experienced?Rose: (spoilers) Finding out she died. Considering death is her greatest fear, it was especially hard for her to swallowAaron: When his brother found out him and Asra were fuckin…and he found out his brother and Nadia were fuckinLyra:…..

55. Their happiest memory?Rose: When she first came to Vesuvia. It was kinda scary, but there’s SO MUCH TO SEE!!Aaron: Getting Slappy. Lyra: Finding out Nadia likes her back. She nearly fainted.

56. Do they blush?Rose: Not really, if she does its hard to tellAaron: SometimesLyra: YES

57. Are they clumsy?Nah

58. Do they like jokes? Of course, they’re people, arent they?

59. How do they flirt?Rose: VERY direct. She’s not afraid to let people know what she wants.Aaron: “Hey cookin’, what’s lookin’?”Lyra: oh god she’s so bad at it help her

60. Favorite fruit?Rose: StrawberryAaron: Orange Lyra: Kiwi

[walkinsauce]

Becoming Poly- Chapter 14: My Turn

Sorry I didn’t blog last week. Do you know how hard it is to write about polyamory under the same roof as your parents? I was scared one of them was going to pop in and ask,

“Christina, why do you need that bottle of wine in your room?”

“Paper weight.”

So, ya, I’m sure hundreds of self help books would call that an “excuse” for not writing, but trust me: it felt TOO CREEPY. You try to write about sex while your parents are in the next room watching My Three Sons. See how you feel.  I would, however, like to thank all my Tumblr readers for hitting the heart button on all my blogs. Quick shout outs to:

ilove-seductive-mature attractive-milf-girls hot-elder-chamber fat-milf-foxy-imgs bimbo-slutty-girlz fuck-sexy-fat-pussies fucking-amazing-fat-cunts jugs-nice-pictures

It’s good to know I’ve found my audience. Though I do wish you guys would put some capital letters in your names. You’re better than that.

I’ve calmed down from my boyfriend’s first “other sex” in our relationship. I’m pretty lucky that I have so many people reaching out to me, who are better versed in open relationships than I am. A particular comic friend in Florida always sums it up so well:

“Your primary is your home. These other people are the Disneylands and carnivals of the world. Fun day excursions, but you don’t want it every day.”

I think that’s my problem: Part of me would prefer to be the Disneyland. And good news for you, I’m way cheaper.

I still have a crush on the one guy I texted at O’Brien’s the day of my breakdown. I know he’s wary of the poly thing, and knowing my boyfriend, but I can’t help it. I’ve known him for years. I’ve had a crush on him for a year. I can’t help it if I’m a coward, and don’t know how to approach him. (Especially considering the circumstances.) Me sending him Snapchats that he’ll never open is enough of a rush for me.

It’s Friday night. I’m sitting at Ollo, as I often do during happy hour, wondering what I’m going to do when all the regulars go home at 8pm. It’s not a party city. We could use a Malibu’s Most Wanted reboot out here. But with the tiny bit of confidence I get from deep fried zucchini sticks and house wine, I decide to text my crush:

“Do you ever open Snapchat anymore, or am I sending things to an archive…?”

(With a smirky face emoji, obvi.)

He writes back minutes later.

“Hahahaha! I just watched the snaps! They made me laugh!”

It was at least a month’s worth of events, even capturing his own roommates. It must have been quite the montage.

“Thanks for sending them! I’m sorry I’m the worst. They were really funny. How long have you been sending them?”

Oh months. They’re my favorite seed I’ve ever planted.

“You might have just gotten something from me.”

I open Snapchat and see his name light up in full arrowed purple. I’m ridiculously excited for a girl my age. I’m starting to tune out the old man beside me bragging about how he gave Rosie O’Donnell her big break. That’s how you can tell I keep it real in this town- I’d much rather chase romance than my own career. (GOOD MOVE, EH?)

He writes again:

“I just finished a show in Hermosa Beach and I got to watch a lady heckle another comedian by saying, “we’re never going to be friends.”

Wow. The edginess of Hermosa Beach hecklers. What’s next? No tip? Shocking. I’m walking home, past people sleeping in their cars. At least my career is going better than theirs. But it’s a good reminder there’s no parking restrictions on PCH. Man, if any road needs some street cleaning…

It takes us another 18 texts to finally figure out we should meet up, but when he writes,

“I’d be down to meet up somewhere!”

I’m immediately wet. (It happens fast at my age.) He suggests the exact two bars in Santa Monica I was going to suggest. Power of the Leo and Sagittarius. (I probs just lost nine readers by referencing astrology.)

I get to Rick’s on Main Street slightly before him. I don’t have my real glasses on me, cuz I’ve been wearing my prescription sunglasses all day. Didn’t expect to be out past sunset, cuz that’s Malibu “night life.” So I’m going to be mildly blind all night. People always tell me,

“You should get laser eye surgery.”

Why the fuck would I do that? My glasses cover at least a dozen lines on my face. I’m thinking about getting a new pair, with thicker rims. I’m growing out bangs next. The date will be fine as long as I don’t send him into the kitchen when he asks where the bathroom is.

Now here’s the grey area…

Do I tell my bf right now that I’m going to meet this crush? I don’t know anything is going to happen. There’s a good chance we will just be two (ASTROLOGICAL PERFECT MATCHES) drinking buddies in a bar. Two comics, talking shop. Do we really need to set off the alarm before there’s a fire? As per my communication skills, I think def not. Like this blog, I will leave it till the last minute. (Typed at 3:13am, 4:45am after proofreading.)

I’m pretty sure I look like shit, but the good thing about somebody knowing me through comedy, is they always see me looking like shit. I’ve never been super comfortable looking “good” on stage. Maybe this comes from starting stand up 19 years ago, and always fearing women wouldn’t like me if I looked pretty. Most of the women in a comedy club are on dates, and I would literally get glares as they gripped their men. So early in my career, I started to wear hoodies on stage, and cover as much skin as possible. It was my passive aggressive way of saying,

“Don’t look at me. Listen to me.”

(Also, “I’m not here to steal your boyfriend. I’m here to make forty bucks.”)

This is another reason I love the rise of feminism: I pray it means the death of catty-ism. (An energy I sadly grew up with.)

So ya, back to the poly stuff: I’m on an impromptu date with my crush, my bf doesn’t really know, I look like shit, but can’t see that cuz I left my glasses at home. He walks in the bar and I’m almost in shock that we’re together. I think it’s been months since we’ve been in the same room together. And since when did I start going after things I want…?

I’m shockingly comfortable around him. That’s a plus about bonding with someone while you’re in a relationship. You don’t try as hard to sell yourself as when you’re single. You’re just you, and if they don’t like it, who cares? (I admire people who are like this all the time.)

He suggests we go to Chez Jay next. Ooooooooh, I love a new bar. Never been. So excited. Even more excited that he’s ditched his car, and will get it in the morning. I love a man who drinks responsibly. (Is this how I book a MADD commercial, or do I still need to have babies?)

Chez Jay is great. I like having bars like this on my radar. The conversation is going steady, tho I’m praying my primary and polyamory doesn’t come up. I just want to enjoy this night, as it is. The same way I did as a single person. I really don’t want to dive into the politics of it all. I think I’m more terrified that talking about it will scare him away…

When Chez Jay closes, he asks me if I wanna come over for some porch beers.

Yup. You know I do.

Again… is this the moment I text my bf and let him know I’m going over to a guy’s house? I mean technically, there’s a good chance nothing will happen. Seems too soon to ring the alarm. And if there’s one expression comedians know, it’s “too soon.”

He gets us an Uber/Lyft, whichever- most cars in town have both stickers. When we get to his house, I hit the bathroom. Every girl’s most investigative move in a dude’s house. Is his hand towel also his bath towel? Is this a one towel wonder situation? Does he own toilet paper? I don’t make it that far, because I’ve sprayed surprise period all over my undies. (If those Tumblr names didn’t scare you away, this surely will, eh?)

I search the cupboards for anything remotely handy in this moment. There’s nothing. Maybe I should hit the kitchen, and look for coffee filters. Those should work, right?

Nah, I’ll just do the ol’ “tie toilet paper around my underwear” move. It’s the move you do when you first get your period, in case you don’t know. (I FEEL SO YOUNG AGAIN! MAYBE I DON’T NEED BANGS!)

Porch beers are the best. I’m a fan of his roommates. We’re all having a great time, but then… 

Something more unexpected than my bloody kitty happens. This beautiful, young blonde chick walks up to the porch.

“Hey, I live across the street. All my friends went to sleep, so I thought I’d come introduce myself.”

Holy. Mother. Trucker. It’s 3:00am. This isn’t the moment I was expecting competition…

But here we are.

The guys grab her a beer. Now again, I am not into “catty-ism.” BUT- I am a share holder of “insecurity-ism.” And if I were any one of these guys on this porch, I would def hit on this chick instead of me. She’s legit extremely cool. There’s a part of me that wonders if this is fate’s little way of saying,

You’re not ready to pop your poly cherry yet.

I never rang the alarm. I can still get out of this… innocently?

Either way, I think she might be might be my personal savior (another word I spell wrong cuz I’m Canadian and think there’s a “u” in it.)

“Do you have a tampon?”

“Of course! Come on over!”

She takes me over to her apartment, and literally gives me all her pads cuz she doesn’t use them. Bonus. My favourite sleep aid. I fucking love this girl.

We head back over to the boys, and I know I’m drunk, bleeding and tired. I ask my crush if there’s a place I can crash. He escorts me to his roommate’s room, and tucks me in. (Don’t worry- the roommate wasn’t there. That would have been the real poly, eh?)

As I fall asleep, like a loser at a slumber party who goes to bed first, I can’t help but think,

“He’s a great guy. She’s a great girl. If they hook up, I’m fine with it.”

PRACTICE COMPERSION! Why is compersion so much easier when you’re not dating someone? I fall asleep/pass out- which ever you like to believe at this hour. In the morning, I wake up in a super funny comedian’s bed. Alone. I make the bed, as a sure fire way to say “a chick was here” and text my crush.

“Oh I wanna say bye, but I don’t know what room is yours.”

I can’t just knock on random doors… Plus he might not be alone. I def don’t want to interrupt kinky times with the pad donor. All of a sudden, one of the roommates pops out of his room. I ask him which room is _______’s and he shows me. In this moment, I know I’m risking becoming a piece of gossip my boyfriend might hear… 

And not through me…

I lightly knock on the door. When I hear a groggy “come in” I open the door.

There’s NO hot, cool, tampon savior chick in his bed. He’s just sleeping, post drinking style, alone.

“Oh, I just wanted to say goodbye…”

And then, without saying another word, I crawl into bed with him. 

[mrs-bartowski]

I was tagged by: @tryingtofindmyplacetoscream thanks buddy :)

The last 1. drink: sweet tea 2. phone call: I missed a call from my best friend (one of five best friends) just a little bit ago, but I talked to my dad earlier today...which reminds me I was supposed to call and let him know I got home so thanks for reminding me! 3. text message: my best friend (Mimi specifically) 4. song you listened to: I listened to the radio on the way home so something country (maybe body like a back road?) but I was listening to deh earlier (dear evan hansen in case you live under a rock) 5. time you cried: I don’t cry. jk it was yesterday

Have you ever 6. dated someone twice: nah 7. kissed someone and regretted it: not at the time 8. been cheated on: not that I know of 9. lost someone special: yep. 10. been depressed: leave me alone. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: uh I got barely drunk and then ate a bunch of tater tots once and then threw up because of the tater tots so kinda? 3 favorite colors 12. turquoise 13. light green 14. purple In the last year have you: 15. made new friends: yes, a few. at least I hope they consider me a friend 16. fallen out of love: lol I fuckin wish 17. laughed until you cried: yep, yesterday. when asked about how the funeral my grandmother went to was, she replied with “well, he’s dead”, so there was that. 18. found out someone was talking about you: not behind my back or anything...I’m not interesting enough for that 19. met someone who changed you: not like wildly, but a lot of new people have helped me grow in little ways 20. found out who your friends are: somewhat yeah 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: in my dreams lol same General: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: a small percentage of them, or at least I don’t really know them anymore 23. do you have any pets: a dog that lives with my sister and a cat that lives with my other sister but I’m taking my cat back at the end of the month and she’s gonna live in my apartment along with a bird...it’ll be an interesting year 24. do you want to change your name: nah not really 25. what did you do for your last birthday: suffered. 26. what time did you wake up: 3 am even though I never really fell asleep but I slept in the car so it’s all good 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching The Bold Type (or maybe Stitchers? I wasn’t really paying attention to the time) 28. name something you can’t wait for: pitch perfect 3 in December cuz I’m complete trash 31. what are you listening to right now: nothing but I might turn on Halsey in a bit 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: literally ten minutes ago (my dad’s name is Tom and I wanted to call him before I forgot) 33. something that is getting on your nerves: my student loan 34. most visited website: tumblr 35. hair color: light brown 36. long or short hair: short 39. piercings: just my ears which, by some miracle or curse have not closed up yet (I haven’t worn earrings since I was 12) 40. blood type: fuck if I know 41. nicknames: too many to count but most frequently Rosie 42. relationship status: lol single as always 43. zodiac: libra 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: The Bold Type is fucking phenomenal 46. tattoos: none yet but i want to have a lot and I have like 7 designed and ready to go I’m just broke as fuck 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: I had a mole with pre-cancerous cells removed from my back when I was 12 or 13 49. piercing: still just the ears since I haven’t gone to get anything pierced in the last 2 minutes 50. sport: I just quit field hockey so none anymore 51. vacation: Destin, FL. 4th of July water gun war. It was epic. 52. pair of trainers: I also don’t understand this question? I don’t call them trainers but I have three pairs of sneakers

More general:  53. eating: Nothing right now but I ate a cinnamon raisin bagel a few hours ago. 54. drinking: also nothing right now. 55. i’m about to: finish my laundry and (hopefully if I don’t have to pay for my ticket) go see a movie 56. waiting for: my laundry to dry 57. want: sleep preferably permanent  58. get married: maybe 59. career: physical therapist

Which is better:  60. hugs or kisses: definitely both 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: uhhh either 63. older or younger: older (though it’s more of a maturity thing so who knows) 64. nice arms or nice stomach: all stomachs and all arms are nice 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

Have you ever:  67. kissed a stranger: nope 68. drank hard liquor: yup. wish I was drinking it now. 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: ugh yes 70. turned someone down: lol you’re funny that require someone wanting to be with me 71. sex on the first date: nope (no sex at all) 72. broken someone’s heart: he didn’t make it seem like it, but who the hell knows 73. had your heart broken: lol basically always 74. been arrested: nope. 75. cried when someone died: yeah. 76. fallen for a friend: again, leave me alone.

Do you believe in:  77. yourself: fuck off. 78. miracles: not really. 79. love at first sight: eh. 80. santa claus: no. 81. kiss on the first date: yeah sure 82. angels: not really sure

Other:  83. current best friend’s name: I guess this is where I list all 5? Mimi, Ev, Kylie, Emilie, and Aubrie 84. eye colour: blue when they feel like it 85. favourite movie: it’s been a tie between Twister and 50 First Dates my entire life, but I honestly think Wonder Woman might have destroyed them both. (plus I fuckin love pitch perfect but I could never choose a favorite)

I still don’t tag people, so do it if you want!

[thankyouforreadingmyusername]

PLEASE DO ALL 22 QUESTIONS OF THE SHINEE ASK

OH SHIT ASDGHDHDH HERE WE GO

1. Who is your SHINee bias?HAHAHAHAHA 

2. Bias wrecker?First, it was Jonghyun and he was putting up a decent fight with Onew, but lost in like three days. And then three months later, Key sneaks up on me AND WOW THAT WAS A TIME OF DARKNESS AND WEAKNESS IT LASTED FOR A WHOLE WEEK and then Key got put in his proper place and all is well

3. Favorite eraI’m gonna say Downtown Baby (although I’m not a fan of the song lol) because that was from when Onew first recovered from his surgery and you could just see him BEAMING and full of energy to be back. And plus his hair in the MV? OH BOOYYYY 👌👌👌

4. Favorite songThis is way too hard, I really have no idea. ONE song? Well I’ll give you a couple…. Lucifer, Picasso, I’m With You, and Married to the Music

5. Favorite albumEither Misconceptions of Us or Married to the Music don’t make me choose

6. When did you get into SHINee? November 14, 2015

7. First song you heard All right so there’s this whole complicated story and I’m gonna try my best to sum it up. So I used to be into anime and would watch fanmade videos and stuff. My friends found this Attack on Titan video where the characters are dancing to Lucifer. What’s funny is that when I heard the song I was like “ew I hate this.” Years later, I was scrolling through this Kpop section in Time Warner Cable and listened to Dream Girl and was like “hahaha boy band all right then” and then I found Lucifer a couple weeks later and was like “eww I don’t like this.” So why am I a SHINee fan? I have no idea lol I didn’t like any of their songs at the beginning.

8. First impression of SHINee?

“Hahaha omg what a boy band *shuts off TV*”

9. Which member caught your eye first?

I’m not sure which one caught my eye in Dream Girl cuz I was kinda amused the whole time I saw the MV the first time, but for Lucifer I fell in love with Taemin for like three days straight because of his hair and then I got over it

10. Was there ever a song you didn’t like at first that had to grow on you?Not gonna lie, a majority of SHINee’s songs have had to grow on me. Back when I first got into them (may I note, my first time hearing kpop) I just was very “ehh” toward like all of their songs but then I ended up just like loving them all (save for a couple)

11. Member you would like to have as a friend?Taemin. Omg he would be so much fun to have as a friend. Minho would be a really cool friend too.

12. Member you would like to have as a brother?None of them because I’ve been attracted to all of them at some point during my Shawol life and that would be pretty gross if they were more brothers lol

13. 3 members + a fuck/marry/kill

Okay so I’m gonna do what Anna did and change kill to kiss because I can.

Fuck: KeyMarry: OnewKiss: Taemin

14. Would you rather… (+ a scenario)Oh look at who forgot to give me one thanks ya dingus

15. Favorite MVOkay so either View, Married to the Music, or Tell Me What to Do – don’t make me choose. View and TMWTD have storylines to the MV so I really like that, and MTTM is just super awesome

16. Do you have a ship? If so, what pairing?………..maaaaaaaaybe

okay so i went a little crazy there

17. Favorite solo activities ((ex. Taemin’s solos (+ Hit the Stage), Jjong solos, Onew DOTS, etc)Onew’s solo whenever it will happen which will definitely be some day otherwise I’m gonna fight

18. Which member do you see as boyfriend/husband material? I don’t like this question. Like in general or like a boyfriend or husband for me? I feel like Minho gives off the best boyfriend vibe and Onew for best husband vibe I guess

19. Is there any group you like to see interacting with SHINee? VIXX because I just really like VIXX. I would say Monsta X but I really just cannot see them interacting. It would still be cool though. I screamed when Hwasa from Mamamoo shyly gave Taemin flowers during PYN promotions because YESSS GIRL GET IT.

20. Any collaborations or solo activities you’d like to see?Onew solo. Like collabs are cool but before anything of that matter I want an Onew solo album so badly.

21. Have you ever showed your non-Kpop friends/family SHINee? If so, what video? If not, what video would you show them?I’ve shown a bunch of my friends different SHINee videos. I showed one friend Born to Shine, Onew singing Nessun Dorma at Tokyo Dome, a compilation of Minho laughs, Everybody MV, Taemin’s solos, and SHINee winning Artist of the Year in 2013. I showed another friend Lucifer and Sherlock back when I first got into them. And I showed another friend three SHINee songs that I just cannot stand and he was cringing. I showed that same guy the Dynamite performance and he was like “I’m getting confused as to what my sexuality is.” I play a lot of SHINee videos in my living room, so my family hears and sees a mix of a bunch of videos and songs.

22. Boys Over Flowers parody or Harry Potter parody?BOF, easily. I watch that video so often it’s scary. My favorite part is when Onew yells in a high-pitched voice and if you look at Key when that happens HES JUST LOSING IT. And then I just love the twist at the end where Onew throws out the bra pads and throws off the wig. The Harry Potter parody is so cringy that I’ve only seen it twice. I can’t handle that video.

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK, MY LOVE. 💗💗

[hannahjoy12103-blog]

So my friend @elianadiana1106 is known to say some weird things. Here are 200 of them:

1. Snow be gonner 2. Cars are weird. Its like a room full of couches that moves. 3. Ok. But what are mailboxes. Its like. A mailbox is a box that humans that dont know you will send you stuff. And its socially unacceptable to open someone elses box but why?WHY WHY IS THAT? WHY IS IT UNACCEPTABLE TO OPEN SOMEONE ELSES BOX? 4. Names. Are a random selection of words. Like hannah. Ellie. Alicia. Why alicia. Why. 5. When i was little i was scared of fences. 6. One time isa was chasing me with a toad i named him fred and she made me hold him and if i didnt shed make him pee on me. 7. Lockers are tiny closets 8. Why arent electronic library cards a thing yet 9. Sometimes i wonder what life would be like without cupcakes and i cry 10. Scary guys scare me 11. You know what should be illegal? Pinapple on pizza. 12. What are houses. Theyre like caves but not. 13. Bears are scary. Theyre like giant dogs with teeth and claws. 14. It was a car except it wasnt a car. 15. Not that i know what a crying cat sounds like 16. *puts glasses in mouth* *bites down* ow 17. Whats a brain tho. Its like a box but its not a box. Its an oval. And it has all of your memories and your conscience in it and if you hit it too hard you do. 18. What is the purpose of eyebrows. I dont see an actual use for them except making sure they are on fleek. 19. I was in my living room and then my brother came in and punched me. 20. Why do people have hair. Does it protect them from being cold or something 21. What if there are aliens on earth but they look just like look just like humans so we cant differentiate 22. Why do colors clash. Why do some colors look good together and others dont. What if my red is your blue. 23. What happens if someone eats a phone 24. *sings veggie tales song* that reminds me of swedish men 25. Is that a trampoline?? Oh wait no thats my reflection nevermind 26. Glasses are like hey whats up i cant see anything so let me just put up this piece of glass in front of my eye so i can see. And tadaah the glasses were born 27. *looks out the window* Oh hey such niceness 28. *hits her head on the window* im a mess *hits her head on bus seat* owwwwww 29. Someone is calling my name *looks up* is it you god?? 30. Look its my favorite emoji because it reminds me of a gorilla (shes talking about this one>😤) 31. Bushes are like baby trees except they dont grow up 32. Speaking of scarring, The lion king made me cry 33. Why do people wear bright colored bookbags 34. Windows are like eyes into the home 35. Im twelve. Oh wait i lied no im thirteen. 36. I know how to Karate 37. Look im wearing fuzzy. Theyre the best of all pants. No other pants can compare 38. *is talking to Isa through a door* Well if yuh wanna talk to me, just pick the lock. Cuz apparently, you can do that 39. Mom wants me and mom is above you 40. I like busses. Theyre like catterpillars. Theyre long and they roll along 41. What if my chin had eyes 42. What id your eyes were your nostrils and your nostrils were your eyes 43. Im short. Kinda like a pudgy cupcake 44. Pigs are like cows except they give out milk. 45. Shut up and pretend im smart 46. Shut up and let me talk 47. *discusses the possibilities of rainbow snow* rain snow. Its like rainbow but its. Its smart appreciate it. 48. Help i need life alert 49. I rip out my hair for fun sometimes 50. Im pretty sure shes austrian. I dont know why. Just. Austrian. 51. Is this cold. *touches it* Oh yes very cold. 52. I know everything 53. Have you ever been a murder gorilla before? 54. Blue raspberry isnt even a thing. What are they feeding us?! 55. One time i ate a cat. But i didnt like it very much 56. I need to think of something funny to say. Becuase i like to make things funny. 57. So garbage cans are like portable dumpsters 58. What if theres a dimension where instead of there being people and it snowing, theres snow people and it rains flesh 59. Dying wasnt on my bucket list 60. so YOURE the one who ate MY pudding cup 61. Why are they called mason jars. Did mason design them? WHOS MASON? They should be called ellie jars. We all know that ellie is way better than mason 62. Where was the lightbulb invented 63. BEFORE you say anything. Do you remember Pinky Dinky Doo 64. Its like a freakin blueberry with a face 65. Dont bite your friends *sings* “Dont. Dont. Dont bite your friends” 66. I should be doing homework but instead im watching Yo Gabbah Gabbah 67. *sings the backyardigans theme song* 68. *sings the veggie tales theme song* 69. Do you remember junior the asparagus *starts singing moana* 70. So if i owned a pinetree, could i call it minetree 71. Red pandas are better than dolphins 72. *lydia starts talking* IS THAT YOU GOD 73. What if the firemen start the fires to keep them employed 74. Tic tac toe, pick one. One of them have to die. 75. Does derp and snerp rhyme 76. *touches nose to my phone* nose phone 77. Singing. Its just like stairs. I get out of breath. 78. One time i had a dream that i had to slay a dragon. It killed me. 79. One time i was walking my grandmas dog and a cat attacked me. 80. Are hearing aids glasses for the ears 81. Whats the difference between right twix and left twix 82. HEY LOOK THERES A DUCKY 83. Morgan is a russian spy? 84. What if you could take your eye out and see into someones soul? 85. Can fish drown? Like can they drown on air? 86. I had a dream where Logan got stabbed last night? 87. FIRE HYDRANT! 88. lions? I dont have any lions 89. Cinderella can go dig a hole and die in it 90. Thats sooooo ugly. Cinderella can wear it 91. I dont even like orange soda but i drink it because its sugar and i LOVEEEEEEE sugar 92. Oh no sweety those shoes do not go with that dress, unless youre Cinderella 93. I have a burning hatred for Cinderella 94. WHAT THE HECK IS– oh its me 95. Its time to listen to MY songs. Buckle up buddy. 96. If i was an animal i would be an irrawaddy dolphin. I am. An iraqaddy dolphin 97. Im DONE with this long hair. Im cutting it off. 98. Have you heard me sing? Thats not the sound of potential. Thats the sound of death 99. If you had a girl child what would you name her (i say i dont know). Youre right. Lily is a great name 100. HANDSTAND. No wait i cant do it i will break my neck 101. *makes the verbal sound for: “GAHSBXICIWOEBDKDIQ” * 102. Did someone say bork 103. What if four wasnt a number 104. *sings*: NOW YOU KNOWWWW WITH ELLIE YOUR DAILY INFORMATIONAL THING. YEAH. 105. Some people. Theyre like walls. 106. I didnt know its body fell off. Somebody shouldve given me a heads up. 107. *reads: I like trees* he better stay away from minetre 108. It feels like a worm entering my ear 109. I give up 110. You know how carter has 753 pens in his sock? That really SOCKS for him. Ha. Ha. Ha. 111. MAKE ME. oh wait you cant cuz youre on the other side of a locked door 112. SENTIENT TACOS ARE EVERYWHERE AND THEY WATCH YOU. 113. SENTIENT WALLS. I HAVE FOUR OF THEM. 114. I had a dream that i killed a man 115. Its just a wallet. His name is walley. NO ITS A SENTIENT WALLET. that makes cents HA HA ha. Ha. That was good 116. I look like a naked mole rat 117. How did different kinds of birds come to be different 118. Hes a manager. Hes really good at managing things. And apparently hes a certified scuba diver 119. I kill at wii baseball ‘kay 120. The Miis creep me out like hey im the mini you living in the screen 121. Im single and i know it 122. The next dude who comes near me i will punch him in yhe throat. I will conventiently make sure its seamus 123. NO. THERES BUBBLE WRAP BUT ITS TAPED TO THE INSIDE SO I CANT POP IT EFFICIENTLY 124. Its like waves… but its not but it is 125. *phone buzzes* SHUT UP 126. A stylis. Its like a pencil for you phone 127. SO MANY SCREEN PROTECTORS 128. Go buy some new jeans. You dont need SCISSORS SARAH. 129. My friends say im weird. But i dont really think im weird you know. 130. Hes so tall. Hes like a freakin giraffe. Hows the air up there buddy? 131. Why the heck and i cutting holes in perfectly good jeans. I dont even like jeans. 132. I have 67 cats at home 133. What did cave people paint with? Their blood? 134. dude it’s the perfect weather to play tornado in 135. MIKE WAZOWSKI 136. Grass. Its like tini miniature trees. Im not wrong. Broccoli is a mini forrest 137. Seamus has an empty cardboard box in his room and i stole it and made it into a spaceship 138. That girl looks like me. She just want “agh” and just. Same. 139. The blankies name is dora. Dont ask why. Not my blankie tho. My blankies name is blue. I slipped on dora when i had my laptop in my lap. 140. Cinderella deserves nothing. 141. Morgan is a russian spy 142. LOOK ITS AN OLD GUY. i bet he has three dead bodies in his basement 143. A flute. You can shove it down their neck. And when their wheezing for breath beautiful melodies come out 144. The ninjas house is a bit further down. 145. Its like somewhere over the rainbow 146. I was just singing the entire soundtrack because why not. 147. Why do cars come in different colors? But the same inside colors? 148. Is it spelled nartz or narts 149. These people on my street painted their house mustard yellow and I don’t like it 150. How dis clowning start. Like hey lets paint our faces paint and put on red noses and see if children cry. I cried. I cried very hard. 151. Reich rhymes with branch 152. Cinderella deserves nothig but death 153. What if george washington IS THE WALLS? 154. The bus driver starts the bus before i sat down and i almost fell on my face. Lets face it that wasnt very nice of him. HA ha ha… 155. Jail backwards is laij 156. Do i confuse you more than math because nothing confuses me more than math 157. *rants about lotion* *cries* 158. The pogo is a no-go 159. I forget that i tell people things and im suprised when they already know, like how. Did you read my mind? 160. OH I HAD THIS DREAM. It was an animal apocalypse and they broke my glasses and I woke up mad and confused as to why I couldn’t see. 161. I think that in the alphabetical world, that c and s are rivals 162. Is a sticker still a sticker if it loses its stick 163. Stickers can go a die in a hole with Cinderella 164. Do you think the ocean is just salty because the beach never waves back? 165. Hey look its Mr. Testa. Dont testa me. HA. ha..haha 166. I want to go to sweden to see if they have swedish fish factories 167. Doesnt Switzerland make pretzels? Or is that Germany? 168. What if the sky is purple… 169. Me: *sends ellie a photo of an owl saying hello friend* ellie: WHOO ME?! haha get it… I’m making owl puns? What a hoot! 170. Ha ha… man i made this *send photo of hawk* Hawkward… 171. i see you are not *send photo of emu* EMUSED. 172. I get it, my puns are…fowl. Fowl. Did that send twice? Oh whale, i did it on porpoise. 173. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing it just waved. Did you sea what i did there? Im shore you did. 174. I almost ran into my wood bed. That woodn’t be fun now wood it 175. Im eating a bagel. Bagels? More like Bae Goals 176. Shea broke and 'unbreakable bowl’. Its unbowlievable 177. I just made up an 'under the sea’ parody about chocolate milk. Help me. 178. What did the grape say when he got stepped on? Nothing. He just let out a little wine 179. I think there is a monster under my bed 180. *draws a cherry* I thought it was a berry good drawing 181. I think of eyebrows as two countries. Unibrows unite them. 182. Im hanging out with sally right now (her imaginary friend who is homicidal) 183. I WILL WALK THERE WITH DETERMINATION AND GET TO MY DESTINATION TO FINISH YOUR EXTERMINATION. I WILL GO TO MURDER NATION 184. Ya know when spies do a little camp thing to catch the bad dude 185. Newspaper is so confusing. Its like a thousand tiny paper books. Im trying to read it but is not helping me 186. *talking about the origin of pretzels*but whose the mother country that was like “hey lets make some dough wrap like this then sprinkle some salt then how bout some mustard”. Like who did that. it couldn’t been a collaboration of countries. did they hold a world meeting to think of new foods 187. Where the heck did cake come from. Apparently the Greeks invented cake, but according to food historians the ancient Egyptians invented cake 188. Hey my family just decided that our new safe word is 'Oklahoma’ 189. I am certain that food historian is a real job 190. So apparently not all Catholic Churches have their sermons in Spanish 191. But apparently the actual Purple Heart is in Orlando 192. Apparently my friend Amanda almost pet a manatee today 193. THE PIZZA PLACE STOLE OUR PIZZA. I THINK. WE ORDERED PIZZA MUCH TIME AGO AND IT ISNT HERE YET 194. I was watching a show called Room on the Broom but it wasn’t very good 195. AND ARE STORES CALLED STORES BC YOU STORE FOOD THERE? OR IS IT CALLED A STORE BC YOU GET FOOD FROM THERE TO TAKE HOME AND STORE YOURSELF?? 196. aRGG I JUST GOT TOOTHPASTE IN MY EYE 197. I hate snow white almost as much as i hate cinderella 198. I should get a star on the hollywood floor 199. There’s a ladder on your roof, you should get that checked out 200. I have ice cream. aaaand I walked into a wall

[archirenaux]

Wait can I ask for Wynn and Niall on the "get to know my characters" thing? I'm interested in if you'd make changes now :)

yes you can!!! it was fun to see what i’ve discovered about them over the years, tbh, especially in the case of niall. i think he has changed the most vs. how he was when i first “made” him, like, 4-5 years ago? yikes.

01. Full name: Wynn Ercwlff Carmichael (I couldn’t actually remember the middle name I originally gave him so I went with the most Welsh bastard I could find)02. Best friend: I remain a BIG FAN of him being best friends with Marcas and Helbert.03. Sexuality: He’s an artiste... who knows.04. Favorite color: I won’t waste your time by naming them because he fore sure cannot decide, though he does keep coming back to pear green.05. Relationship status: Married B)06. Ideal mate: Wynn found his way into being a lil’ uptight under the careful watch of his mother and then after he started working with teenagers who can stress him tf out, so someone who would help him relax at the end of the day. Someone who doesn’t put too many expectations on him, or demand too much of him. (Not that he can’t handle responsibility, he just can’t really handle demanding people at this stage in life.) Someone funny, creative, and supportive. :’)07. Turn-ons: Nice smiles, lots of laughter, affection, a feeling of security with the person, compassion, and humor.08. Favorite food: Crempog/pancakes09. Crushes: His wife @theblushdahlia aka you)10. Favorite music: Duran Duran, Hall & Oates, Men at Work, aaaand probably Tears for Fears tbqh.11. Biggest fear: He got two. 1) Not being able to provide for his family and 2) waking up one day and feeling like he didn’t do enough re: his career in art/that he settled by becoming a teacher.12. Biggest fantasy: Rn his biggest fantasies really revolve around his children succeeding and being happy when they grow up? Lame!!! (jk)13. Bad habits: He’s so dang indecisive!!! Midnight snacking, biting the ends of pens and pencils and things, tries too hard to make people feel okay about something until they’re like “ok thx but pls stop”, can get kinda whiny about small things, leaves the toilet seat up a lot, and not to drag him but he probably drinks a lot of expensive juices.14. Biggest regret: His falling out with his mom because it was right on the cusp of her getting sick and he didn’t try to patch things up for awhile.15. Best kept secrets: He can’t count to 100. Lol jk. I think, for a long time, it was his family (specifically, the state of it and his relationships with them).16. Last thought: “When will these children finally all be asleep AT THE SAME TIME???”17. Worst romantic experience: That time he proposed to his gf at the time and she said no lol.18. Biggest insecurity: His art and his ability to make art.19. Weapon of choice: Even in the FWW verse I wouldn’t say his wand because he is just Not Great at defensive magic, so idk. He’s the least violent character I have, probably.20. Role Model: I don’t think he has a role model but in terms of someone who he respects and inspires him, it’d be Calista, especially after everything she’s gone through and how she’s such a great mom to their kids.

xxx

01. Full name: Niall Brennan Mulloy02. Best friend: [banging pots n pans together] JER-EM-Y WOOD ( @multisamicis​​ )03. Sexuality: Hetero but I mean, we all know the Jeremy/Joce/Niall ot3 is something he’d be into.04. Favorite color: [Niall Mulloy voice]: Who over 10 has a fuckin’ favorite color? (It’s a blue-gray.)05. Relationship status: Obviously it depends on the timeline, but where he is in the verse in which he currently exists, he is in fact in a loving and committed relationship with Marlene ( @theinglenook​ ​). 06. Ideal mate: From his perspective, someone intelligent and relatively spontaneous, not boring or naive. Someone who’s not very dependent or WEIRD (lol he’s v. judgmental so he would not fare well with someone Quirky). He likes someone who can take charge but not necessarily controlling/bossin’ him around. But I also think he needs someone who will pull him out of shell (though, to be clear, I don’t mean in the He’s Shy type of shell, because he definitely isn’t, but the shell he’s constructed for himself that can limit the things he experiences or the people he interacts with cuz he Jaded and closed-off). Also, someone who’ll call him out when he’s a dick and not like, police his behavior but make him face the facts when he’s being ridiculous. And, depending on the timeline, someone who’s not only chill with him having a daughter but likes and is kind to her.07. Turn-ons: You know as well as I that he is a Butt Man(TM). But also, back to the taking charge thing →  ✓. Ummm. Long hair, good hygiene, lots of kissing, aaaand idk, I don’t want to sound redundant by saying intelligence but it’s true, but he’s also kinda shallow so like if you hot, he’s like “nice.”08. Favorite food: Forfar bridies09. Crushes: Other than the babysitter his parents hired when he was like, eight? His gal, Marlene.10. Favorite music: He’s not a huge music person, tbh. He will mostly listen to whatever his brother, Ian, is playing, which is 70′s/80′s punk music (Buzzcocks, Stiff Little Fingers, Joy Division, Ramones, etc). He’s been conditioned to enjoy it. But if he were to make the steps to explore more and see what he really likes, he’d be more into The Who and, like, Cream, haha. 11. Biggest fear: Losing the people he loves/cares about.12. Biggest fantasy: Tbh, to just be a good dad, brother, friend, bf, etc. He has always felt like he’s not doing enough irt his interpersonal relationships, but he’s reached a point where he wants to make an effort to be better.13. Bad habits: Can I call general apathy a bad habit? Lmao. But also, hardly remembers to do the dishes until there’s a full sink, judging people before he gets to know them, bad at communicating, swearing a lot, smoking, and ya know being generally unfriendly for no valid reason (though less so than he has in the past).14. Biggest regret: He has... A Few of those, but I guess his biggest one, in FWW verse, was that time he disappeared and didn’t tell anyone where he was for months LOL!15. Best kept secrets: He reeeally, really truly believes he let his brother down. Niall thinks he failed Ian in so many ways, but it’s something he doesn’t want to say aloud for fear of it being validated.16. Last thought: It was either about Maggie, Marlene, Jeremy, or work lmao.17. Worst romantic experience: He didn’t have very many romantic experiences before he got together with Marlene when he was around 18. But I guess if I took the definition of romantic much, much more loosely, I could say that the two-birds-one-day fiasco was like, super great while it happened, but the backlash was A Lot ahahahhaha.18. Biggest insecurity: Niall’s reluctant to show his emotions because he’s forgotten how and it makes him feel Weak when he does, so -- that!19. Weapon of choice: Tbh, I honestly don’t know. His fists? Prob.20. Role Model: His mom.  

[cf-reggie]

[12:02:28 PM] Austin: spent the entire morning thinking about deathclaw fights xPP [12:19:54 PM | Edited 12:19:49 PM] Austin: the majestic Lexi, alternates between attacking her own tail and my belt [1:15:56 PM] Austin: hiii buddy [1:17:03 PM] Gray: funny cuz I spent some time thinking aobut cazadore fights  :P [1:18:28 PM] Austin: hehee [1:18:59 PM] Austin: I got another 700 words between cooking and eating pasta lunch |P [1:19:50 PM] Austin: admittedly out of order bc I jumped from day-2 after meeting to "Nyl got the eggs, let's fight a deathclaw!" [1:20:03 PM] Gray: heehee [1:20:07 PM] Gray: my friend [1:20:11 PM] Gray: are you beginning to ship this [1:20:26 PM] Austin: LISTEN [1:20:29 PM] Austin: yes [1:20:30 PM] Gray: owo [1:20:44 PM] Austin: Nyl fell for her HARD [1:20:48 PM] Gray: ngl, she told me she wanted to see me again and I teared up a little [1:20:58 PM] Austin: eee [1:21:19 PM] Gray: NYl'S GOT A GIRL CRUSH [1:22:05 PM] Austin: DARN RIGHT [1:22:46 PM] Gray: just imagining Nyl turning in one of hte middle quests like [1:23:11 PM] Gray: "ooooh money" and then Lucy compliments her and she just scrunches up the money bag and blushes like "oooooooooooo" [1:23:22 PM] Austin: she's got it so bad that she's accepted 0 caps so far [1:23:26 PM] Gray: OMG [1:24:03 PM] Austin: tbf half of it is because she also respects the Thorn for being the first thing to get her fired up but also SO MUCH PINING [1:24:54 PM] Gray: some random westside NPC: Oh yeah, Lucy mentioned you Nyl: OMG WHEN AND HOW [1:25:09 PM] Austin: PRETTY MUCH [1:25:20 PM] Gray: have you fought in the pit yet or do you have to do the whole quest? [1:25:25 PM] Gray: I mean I'm just assuming you eventually can [1:25:50 PM] Austin: that's first thing she did haha [1:26:01 PM] Austin: punch geckos then punch radscorps [1:26:07 PM] Austin: then eggs [1:26:26 PM] Gray: ooo so do you get to fight whatever level you just completed? [1:27:14 PM] Austin: yeah! initially there's only like mantis, fiends, small scorps and regular geckos but each egg-turnin unlocks them as well [1:27:37 PM] Gray: Nyl, wiping away blood and small tears: they grow up so fast [1:27:41 PM] Austin: -chinhands- wanna see the initial shippy section? [1:27:45 PM] Gray: yesss [1:28:03 PM] Austin: A surge of pride colored her next sentences. “This is the Thorn! Here’s where the strong make a name for themselves and the weak are fed to the jaws of hell. You can bet on the contenders or be one. But the Thorn demands respect. Break the rules or offend me and I’ll gut you open for all to see.”

Nyl tried to pretend it was only interest displayed on her face but the slight warmth told her otherwise. “I usually try to avoid getting gutted but it might be worth it to get your hands on me.”

That one drew a dry smile from Lucy. “We shall see. Do you want to be a contender? Next match has the strongest geckos you’ll see.”

“I think I’ll hold off for now, might size up some of the other fighters before I humiliate them.”

“A pity. Come back when you have a deathwish for me to grant.” Before turning away, Lucy’s eyes roamed across some of the exposed muscle from the patchwork armor.

Nyl felt herself grinning as she took a seat besides Cass to watch the next round. [1:28:35 PM] Gray: MIGHT BE WORTH IT [1:28:46 PM] Austin: xPP [1:28:58 PM] Gray: that's so cute [1:31:13 PM] Gray: does Cass notice [1:31:47 PM] Austin: not pictured, the transition of Cass going from "oh my god" at the start to "are you serious;;" as they agree to eggs: [1:32:11 PM] Gray: ouo [1:33:55 PM] Austin: I feel like Cass would go from teasing her about being so into the fights to realizing it's about Lucy and teasing doubling down then getting to rag on her so hard when they start risking their lives (repeatedly)

[reptilisss]

All of them ha ha (for the gay asks)

!!!!1. describe your idea of a perfect date: anything + food!!

2. whats your “type”: i will fall in love with you if you pay attention to me

3. do you want kids? no, thanks tho

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on: we went to a vegan soul food place and then went for a walk in the woods :)

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?) i wore really nice underwear but i don’t think the guy noticed cuz he didn’t comment on them :/

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay? it depends on how much coffee i’ve had i can go either way

8. opinion on nap dates? i do them all the time i love them

9. opinion on brown eyes? much more emotive than other colors, i like them more.

10. dog gay or cat gay? reptile gay !

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles? yes of course, as long as they love my snake like their own

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone: if you don’t think i’m funny u can fuck right off my mom thinks i’m hilarious

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one? uhh not about LGB people, but I thought trans men were kinda gross and then i realized it was just a lot of internalized transphobia after i came out

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self: ur parents knew u were bisexual for like years, calm down and come out no one cares lol

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders? i’m a lot pickier with guys than i am with women. most of it is personality based, i find it harder to “click” with guys.

16. who is an ex you regret? haha funny

17. night club gay or cafe gay? cafe, they have coffee

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for: i mean i’m bi but i guess i’d “go straight” for debra shaw

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay? movie gay it requires the least amount of movement

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not): i don’t know what this means

21. favourite gay youtuber: idk if chris fleming is lgbtq but i love them. they’re the only youtuber i have watched

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person? before i transitioned i tried to not date straight people, so no. 23. have you ever been in love? haha yeah. have you met me?

24. have you ever been heartbroken? ya of course i’m a huge baby

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone: my ideal self is radically different from my “type”

26. favourite lgb musician/band: rn it’s limp wrist

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays: being lgbtq does not excuse you from being hateful 28. are you out? if so how did you come out: i’m out in most of life, just not at work fully. i feel like coming out (as anything) is a process that you do over your lifetime. it’s not like i came out (as bisexual or as trans in my case) just once and i was done. i still come out as both whenever it comes up. everyone does. 29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have had: one time i told a girl on my dorm hall i was bisexual and she took two physical steps back from me. she never spoke to me again. she wouldn’t even look at me after that. 30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality: i’ve been privileged to grow up in a space that is safe for expressing my sexuality and my gender, so I don’t know if i’m really the best person to speak on this. I can say that surrounding myself with other people in the lgbtq community (when i got to college) has made me feel safer and more understood.

[furilia]

Strange letters from my father

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Strange letters from my father

I never do paid posts but I’m doing this one for two reasons.  1) Because I was already going to write about this.  Stick with it and you’ll see why in a second, and 2) because the 8th Annual Jame Garfield Miracle is going on and I needed more money to help kids in need and this was a super easy way to do it.  So if you’re reading this, you are helping needy children.  EVERYONE WINS.

So, StoryWorth advertised on my blog this year and I loved it so much I paid full price to buy one for my dad.  Here’s how it works:  StoryWorth emails your family member weekly story prompts in the form of questions.  They reply to the emails and you get to read their amazing family stories that you never knew existed.  Then at the end of the year StoryWorth binds the years worth of stories into a keepsake book.  My dad has been doing it for about six months and the emails I get with his answers are so insane and lovely that I often have to call and ask, “Is that true?”  Stories about my grandparents and great grandparents that I may never have known are now being shared with family.  It is awesome and I highly recommend it because it’s a gift for you and for them.  It’s normally $79 but right now (until 1/31/18) it’s only $59 through this link. 

The stories my father shares are really too good to keep to myself so I’m sharing a few snippets of my favorites here.  You may think they’re strange and terrible but I love and treasure them.  I suppose that’s how family stories work though.  (BTW, Nelda is my mom.  She types the answers as my dad dictates.)

Have you pulled any great pranks?

I was prying something loose one day, and I broke off half the blade of my skinning knife. Stupid! Now the six-inch blade was only three inches long. It was now perfect for prying things loose, but it was also perfect for a practical joke.

We have an electric knife sharpener at the taxidermy shop, and I don’t allow anyone to use it except me. If you’re not paying 100% attention to what you are doing, the high-speed sharpening wheel can throw the blade back at you. Bad news.

I went to my own working area where I hide from the other workers and went to work on my joke. I super glued the tip of my broken knife blade to the inside of my inner right arm. Next I built up the wound area with 2-part epoxy. It’s a product we use in the taxidermy shop like modeling clay to make artificial skin on a mount. I smoothed out the epoxy, texturized it to make it look like my own skin and modeled it to look like that knife is really embedded deep in my arm. I used an airbrush to paint the epoxy area to match my skin. Next I feathered in some white, purple,and red paint to make a realistic cut. Finally I mixed up some blood- red and black paint. I added a little glycerin to give the fake blood a wet glossy look. I poured the blood where it needed to be, and splashed the rest on an old rag that I used to cover the gag.

I staggered into the shop and sat down, not saying a word.

Don was the first to notice the blood. “Holy Crap! What did you do?” Helen came out the office, and I removed the blood-soaked rag to show my work of art. Everyone gathered around me to either gawk or help. Helen hollered out, “Don’t put it out. He’s on blood thinners! He”ll bleed to death!”

No sooner did she say that, Jonathon grabbed the knife and pulled it out. I quickly covered the wound with the bloody rag. I figured the joke was over till Jonathon looked at the knife and screamed, “It broke off in his arm!”

I didn’t get any compliments for my realistic art work. I cleaned up my mess and came back in the shop. I sat down next to Jonathon and asked him if it looked real. He said. “Yeah, I thought it was real……..What are blood thinners?”

What have you changed your mind about over the years?

I use to think that dogs are a man’s best friend, but I’ve changed my mind. Dogs will always forgive you quickly if you ask them to, but they don’t do laundry, they don’t cook, they don’t scratch your back, and they don’t clean house. They are pretty good at doing dishes, as long as you smear left-over gravy over the whole plate.

I use to think that a loving wife would see the humor in that previous paragraph. Dogs will still always forgive you quickly if you ask them to.

I use to think this was funny.

  If you could choose any talents to have, what would they be?

I asked Nelda what this question meant. Any talent? She suggested singing, or playing an instrument , or maybe x-ray vision. X-Ray vision might be cool only if it is selective. Some old fat guy crossing your path of vision could ruin your day. A cute young chick could also ruin my marriage. I’ll stick with my near- sighted astigmatism with floaters.

I already sing beautifully. I have that talent even though no one else thinks so. My ears are so good that in my head the notes sound pitch perfect. Self corrective hearing is what I call it.

I might like the talent to finish everyone’s sentences before they could say it. Unfortunately I hang around a lot of people that don’t make a lot of sense. I’m not going to take credit for a bunch of nonsense.

I would like the talent to communicate with animals. I would like to understand their thoughts. Someday I will.

What is one of your fondest childhood memories?

One of my fondest memories is going perch fishing with my mom. When I was about five years old, I got the fishing bug. I couldn’t get enough fishing. My dad had a farm out at Eola, about twenty miles from home. The whole family would pack up before daylight, and drive out to the farm to work. My dad would usually be on his John Deere tractor. My mom would be either building electric fence or picking rocks out of the field. My sisters would be together hoeing weeds. I, being the baby, stuck with my mom. We would work till noon, and then drive to our neighbor’s pasture to have a picnic lunch. A small dirt tank with green water surrounded by large mesquite trees was one of my favorite places to spread out our homemade quilts, and rest in the shade. We would eat bread, summer sausage, longhorn cheese, and drink Cragmont orange soda water. After lunch, I would get out my cane pole. I always saved some of my lunch to use for bait. Those perch would bite on anything, but bread was my favorite cuz it stayed on my hook the best,

My dad would usually sleep and rest while my mom would watch me fish. She was actually watching a five year old kid making sure I wasn’t gonna fall in the water. The fish would bite as fast as you put the hook in the water. They weren’t very big, but I kept anything that had eyes. I even kept a little turtle. When I caught a water snake, my fishing was over.

Have you ever won anything?

The last year that the famous Sam Lewis put on the World Champion Armadillo Races, I won. Actually, my armadillo won. All I did was get behind Army and stomp and holler and chase him across the finish line. I guess I came in second. I released the armadillo back in the woods, but I kept the silver ring. My daughter Jennifer has the ring (I think).

I probably wouldn’t have given her the ring if it was gold.

What inventions have had the biggest impact on your day-to-day life?

The cube is probably the greatest invention of my lifetime. Before the cube, there was really not much stability in my life. Spheres were the rage when I was growing up. How can one build anything on a sphere? No matter how you slice it, you end up with just a lot of wheels.There was hope for wheels in those days, although someone took the idea too far. The whole world revolved around wheels and anything that could be made with them.  Donuts were one of my favorites. It was like a wheel inside of a wheel. Clever. But look at a really fat donut from the side. It’s a cube. Give the cube the credit due. You eat a donut from the side, don’t you?

Cubes were the true building blocks of the future. The Egyptians knew this. They even made huge cubes all over their back yard. Then they sliced the cubes diagonally, tipped them over so they would rest on their most stable side, and “BAM”! They had yard art that would last for decades. People would ride by, see the yard art, and ask the age-old question, “Do you think that’s a cube cut in half on its axis, or is that cube half buried in the sand. If someone ever invents the wheel, we could build a big bulldozer and find out.”

Ice cubes. How would you like living in this planet without ice cubes. Sure, there’s people up north that don’t appreciate ice like we do, but what if they want to sit down for a while. Up north, chairs don’t grow on trees, but a big cube of ice would make a wonderful chair. You could probably build a house out of ice if you had enough of it laying around. An air-conditioned house. With an ice box.

I really don’t dislike spheres. After all, a sphere is just a well-rounded cube that likes to travel.

I changed my mind. My favorite invention that has changed my life is a 19 volt battery-operated screwdriver with an extra lithium battery. Made by Craftsman.

  How has the country changed during your lifetime?

The country hasn’t changed at all. The cities are all screwed up. I lived in the country when I was a kid, and I live in the same country now. The trees I remember as a kid seemed to be a lot smaller back then. The country roads I use to walk down seem to be a lot shorter when I drive them.

Water skiing, tubing and fishing wasn’t good at all on our local lakes, but I got pretty good at skipping rocks. The trick was to find flat rocks about three inches across. If you could find rocks that were flat on the top and bottom, you were in business. With a little practice, you could get thirty or more skips out of one perfect rock. You could get even more skips if the lakebed wasn’t sandy. When you found that perfect rock, you didn’t squander it. You walked out in the lakebed and retrieved it. Once when I was retrieving one of my dad’s washers (sometimes I used artificials),I found a rowboat. It was a Sears/Roebuck 10 foot aluminum just like the ones in the catalogs. This boat was mine.There wasn’t a drop of water in my new boat, and I started dreaming about all the adventures I would have on Lake Nastywater. (We use to called it Lake Nasworthy, till the water level went down and old tires messed up our rock skipping). I named my boat S.S Minnow. Gilligan’s Island was my favorite after school tv show. I liked Gilligan the best, but Ginger and Mary Ann got a lot better over the years. My Dad enjoyed that show too. I knew he was really gonna get excited when I showed him The Minnow. We walked out on the lake and gazed down on our boat.

“Oh My Gosh! Look! ” Daddy saw my boat. He was excited. He peeled off his sweat stained farmers hat, smiled, sighed, and said something that I couldn”t believe. “There’s my old boat.”

“What! Your boat?”

“Sonny, I lost “The African Queen ” about forty years ago.” I was noodling for yeller cats down here when this was the Middle Concho. You know what noodling is……Catching them with your hands. It wasn’t against the law back in them days. Now, they would throw you in the pokie. I found this big rock right here and knew this was where the big one lived. Right under this rock. Your Uncle Sam, my older brother, was a better swimmer than me ,and he had more experience at catching big fish. Sam jumped in the water, took a deep breath, and went underwater. He came back up about 30 seconds later ,and told me the good news. “There’s a big hole under that rock, and there’s a catfish down in there. His head is as big as a five gallon bucket. As soon as I catch my breath, I’m going for him. My brother, Sam went under. He was down there a long time. He was down too long. I jumped in the water, and found the hole that Sam had entered. I reached in, and found Sam’s legs kicking up a storm. I grabbed his legs and started pulling him out of the hole. It was a struggle,but I pulled him out. We surfaced, and Sam was as white as a sheet. We looked around and couldn’t find “The African Queen”.

We sat up on the rock, Sam caught his breath finally, and told me what happened.”That monster fish was deep in the hole. I was rubbing his belly with both hands. My arms were extended, reaching for his gills. He kept swimming further in the hole. I didn’t realize that the hole was getting tighter, and I was running out of breath. My arms were out in front of me, and I couldn’t push my way out. I was stuck underwater. I was ready to give up when I felt you pulling me out. You saved my life!

We reached down to release our boat from the encrusted mud, and it proved to be a lot lighter than expected. There was no floor in the boat. It had rotted out years ago, but it still held some shared memories for my dad and me.

Uncle Sam and Daddy are both gone now. Maybe they’re floating down the Middle Concho in an old rowboat with a floor in it. Maybe they’re fishing for big yeller cats. They’re not noodling though because Sam promised God that he wouldn’t fish that way anymore.

Do you have any particularly vivid memories of your grandparents?

All of my grandparents were Czech. They didn’t speak English but they were successful farmers. They figured out early in life that to be wealthy, you had to have good discipline. They saved their hard-earned money that they made sharecropping. Then they bought land. They made do with growing their own fruits and vegetables. They raised chickens for eggs and meat. They had cows that they milked daily and butchered their own beef and hogs.They made their own clothes, churned butter, canned produce from the garden, made cheese , flour, cornmeal, and bread.  The only thing easy on the farm was falling to sleep at night.

Butchering hogs in those days was a big deal. There was too much work for one family to do all the work in one day. There would also be too much meat and sausage to cure, smoke, and package. The meat from a three hundred pound hog would go bad before one family could eat it.

When the first cold day would come around, all of the aunts, uncles, and third-generation heathens would meet at my grandparents house with all their butcher knives, tow sacks, hog scrapers, seasonings. We were having a butcher day. There was going to be a lot of work and a lot of fun for everyone except two fat hogs.

The women would build a big hot fire under a wash kettle full of water. The men would get the hogs up out of the mud, and wash them off. The hogs didn’t know what was going on with all this special treatment, but I bet they thought they were family and they were being invited for dinner. Smart pigs.

My uncles would build a sled,and then would position our dinner guest close to it. A shot would ring out and an unhappy but short squeal would alert the second dinner guest that now might be the time to cancel his reservation. The relaxing swine napping on the sled would be given a ride to the kettle area. Tow sacks (burlap bags) were pulled out of the boiling water and spread over a portion of the sleeping porker. The scalding loosens the hair on the pig and a dull butcher knife is used to scrape the hair (root and all) off of the pig.

The whole process is repeated on a new area of the pig until the whole hog is as balded as the top of my head. That pig is also pretty and pink like the top of my head.

Now it’s time to gut the clean “organ donor”. The liver, kidneys, and heart are saved. The small intestines are also saved. It was my job to clean out the green juice out of these long tubes. I liked attaching a garden hose to one end and let the water pressure do the work. My job was taken away from me because of the mess I made all over the porch. I think years later Whamo made a fortune with a toy called a Water Wiggle. I guess I was just ahead of my time on inventions, but my marketing skills had not yet been perfected. Sometimes, poop happens.

The rolls of fat from the hog is collected for later use. The ashes from the fire were shoveled into a tilted wooden trough. Water was poured over the ashes and drained into another container. This was lye. The fat is put in the kettle and rendered down to lard. Some of the lard was saved to cook with. It was poor man’s shortening. Then the belly meat and flanks were cut up (with the skin still attached), and the small pieces were fried in the lard. This was cracklins. You eat them hot with molasses and homemade bread. You now have a lot of lard in the kettle. Dump the lye in with some kind of perfume and boil the devil out of it. Let the whole mess cool down and you got soap. Cut the soap into bars with a butcher knife and let it get cold. It will last forever. I think it has such a long shelf-like cuz no-one wants to use it. It stinks, and it takes your hide off with the dirt. It will cure a young boy from cussin .

Cut up the pork chops,cure the bacon, cure the hams and hocks, and start turning the grinder. It’s “SAUSAGE TIME”.

Those casings that were rescued from me are refilled with seasoned ground pork and tied into links. Hang ’em in the smoke house.

It’s now pretty late, and everybody’s tired. We sample the sausage and clean up the huge mess. I clean the front porch.

I give Babuska (Grandmother) a hug goodbye. I smell like the front porch, but she returns the hug anyway. That was sixty years ago, but I can still smell the aroma of fresh baked poppy seed kolaches from her homemade apron.

I still smell like her front porch.

My dad with his sisters and his mother. Wall, Texas.

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