#guest judge when
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I hereby nominate Pedro Pascal to guest judge on RuPaul's Drag Race
#pedro pascal#rupaul's drag race#guest judge when#he'd gag so hard every death drop istg#and i wanna hear his runway critiques
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"I really like you because I’m really scared of you." Chappell Roan as a extra special guest judge on RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars
#chappell roan#chappellroanedit#rupaul's drag race#rupaul's drag race all stars#dragraceedit#userchappell#chappellsource#dailywomen#femaledaily#ughmerlin#tusercj#userbru#tuserdee#alielook#userhella#userleah#userzil#useraashna#useraurore#*gifs#and she was a great addition i just LOVE when they have guest judges who actually live and breath for drag
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rupaul's drag race episode where they make a supernatural parody called rupernatural and jensen ackles is the guest judge
#things that I come up with when washing the dishes and drag race is playing in the bg lol#stupid posts#where is that post about jackles being the guest judge
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is bryan quoting drag race??? 😭
#bryan cranston#drag race#hear me out#he has done drag in the past#and was seen at a drag brunch a few months ago#it might not be a coincidence#(it probably is but i choose to believe lmao)#guest judge for meth runway when#gif
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top chef s6e14 & s6e15 finale
me when i make undercooked rice? toothsome. restaurant salad i ordered that had legit large numbers of whole fresh oregano leaves in it? interesting. something is salty? no, aggressively seasoned 💁
+bonus bro hugs
#top chef#topchefedit#voltaggio brothers#top chef gifs#topchefgifs#bryan voltaggio#michael voltaggio#kevin gillespie#jennifer zavala#toothsome#aggressively seasoned#here for the talented siblings#the whole “interesting” thing was already such a thing that they put a little musical sting after tom said it#but generally it's a padma kiss of death when she's judging quickfires that she didn't like it. and i think guest judges too started usingi#people talking about like little sayings you used from movies or whatever with your family. these top chef ones are in heavy rotation here
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it always makes me laugh when i get spam collab requests on my cosplay business email. i mean the ones that are completely off base like "how would you like to sell uuuuuuuhhhh wood watches? or meal kits? or promote our wellness app?" besides the fact that they are clearly just mass-pushed campaigns where they have no idea what it is i actually do, its also just like. I am literally just a guy in my house. 90% of my content is just standing around my house in weird outfits.
#im still holding out for the day when i get a legitimate offer to guest or judge or something actually cosplay related#mostly because i want to explain why i need time off to dress up like a silly little guy to my advisor so so bad
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Oaky if the girls on drag race are lip syncing to the Muppets then there is no reason the Canadian ones can’t lip sync to Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
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🙃
#listen i agree on the whole trumped up charges thing for the woman who allegedly threatened another healthcare company#however#i can see why the judge's response was 'people are being insane about this and they need to know violence and threats are not the answer'#sincerely#someone who all in the same week:#had a guest pretending to be a terrorist and acting like they had a gun#but bc they didn't say/do exactly a specific thing we couldn't do anything except ask them to stop#and reassure other guests#also a coworker's kid was attacked and given a concussion by fellow students as an escalation of simple bullying#also a friend's family members were attacked and hospitalized after a road rage incident#and tbh i want people to stop seeing threats of violence and acts of violence as the solution to their problems#and if this person had called us and said those things i would have told security who would have reported it to the police#we go through bomb threat training bc of this crap#ragamusings in the tags#ALSO i wish people would stop crying 'she's a mom!' like that automatically makes her a better person#when they're totally in favor of killing a guy who was a dad 🙃
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𝒊 𝒎𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒂 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒓, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒓 - & 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒓 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆 .
#until my return enjoy her pretty face#i just imagine she's traveling when i'm not here#on a cookbook tour#or promoting something#guest judge on a baking show#✶ she’s imperfect but she tries ✶ ( visage )
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OK but can I just take a moment to say I've seen this man in at least a dozen of the kdramas I've watched over the past 3 yrs?? he's everywhere. every time I start a new series and I suddenly see him I'm like?? you again???
and I say this with all the love in the world because I absolutely adore this actor; he's fkn fantastic in everything I've seen him in. this is Ahn Nae-sang's world and we're living in it.
#sorry it's just that I'm on my 3rd The Guest rewatch atm and I JUST finished Devil Judge and I started Just Between Lovers last night#and he's in all 3 😭😭#legit last night when I started Just Between Lovers and saw him pop up I said,'you again??' out loud in disbelief#keep getting those roles sir- it's always a pleasant surprise seeing you in... literally everything I watch#there's obviously a ton of other actors I see in literally everything I watch but I think he outranks them all#ahn nae sang#korean actor#kdrama#ocn the guest#the devil judge#just between lovers#my ramblings
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Y'all this is why I don't watch good shows 😭. Now I can't sleep at night and have too many good writing prompts running in my head when I genuinely can't write to save my life🙏🏻
#my biggest downfall is good content#like BE reminds me of my brainrot era when i watched elsa and Spiderman kissing and shit#the guest and devil judge got me fucked too#i can't watch any dramas cuz of this.
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u watch rpdr?
ive seen clips of it on tiktok, but no i dont purposefully watch the show.
#especially when they have the guest judges#thats always on tt loll#it just comes up on my fyp sometimes
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#ffxiv#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv screenshots#roegadyn#femroe#thancred waters#wolcred#yeehaw it's finland's independence day#time to judge the guests' outfits at the independence day reception >:)#while i'm at home wearing a hoodie#ok wait this kinda reminds me of middle school when we had to dance on independence day T_T#why didn't i think of that before#ena the wol
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Crash Course in Love
Lando Norris x Carlos Sainz’s best friend!Reader
Summary: in which Carlos forgets to tell his two best friends they’ll be staying in his villa together, and now a stressed out lawyer has to survive living with a human golden retriever, but you know what they say … opposites attract
You’ve been in Marbella for four days and already gone through three bottles of wine and two existential crises.
Carlos’ villa is too quiet for someone used to white noise: emails pinging, heels clacking, cortisol. The silence in this place isn’t peaceful — it’s accusatory. You’ve spent more time staring at the sea than you have your own reflection in the last ten years, which is saying something.
It feels indulgent. Like if someone walks in, they’ll accuse you of being lazy. You’d have to explain the insomnia, the migraines, the crying in bathroom stalls between depositions.
But Carlos isn’t here to judge. He’s off somewhere filming shampoo commercials in Paris or golfing in socks with his dad. He just texted you the gate code and told you to “relax, coño.” So here you are, inhaling almond-scented air and avoiding your inbox.
You’re halfway through a rerun of The Holiday when the doorbell rings.
You don’t move.
It rings again. Louder.
“Delivery?” You mutter to no one. You didn’t order anything.
You shuffle to the door in socks and an old hoodie of Carlos’ that you’ve unofficially adopted. You crack the door open and freeze.
Lando Norris is standing there. With a suitcase. And a sunburn.
“Hey,” he says, blinking like he’s not entirely sure this is the right house. “You’re not Carlos.”
“You’re … not a delivery guy.”
“Definitely not. Unless you ordered someone with mediocre Spanish and no plan.”
You blink. He grins.
“Sorry, I’m Lando. Uh. Carlos said I could crash in the guest room. Hotel bailed on my reservation. Long story. But he didn’t mention you’d be here.”
“He didn’t mention you’d be here either.”
“Cool. So we’re both surprised. That’s … fun?”
You stare at him. He looks like he just rolled off a yacht he wasn’t invited on. Sleeveless shirt, board shorts, and the confidence of someone who’s never had to Google “how to flirt.”
You open the door all the way. “Come in, I guess.”
He wheels his suitcase past you. It makes an annoying thunk over the threshold. You follow him into the hallway, watching as he does a slow 360 like he’s never seen furniture before.
“Whoa. This place is insane. Does Carlos actually live like this, or is he secretly royalty?”
“Just rich.”
“Same difference.”
You cross your arms. “You want something to drink?”
“God, yes. I’m parched. Is that still a word people use? Parched?”
You turn toward the kitchen. “Not since 1912.”
Behind you, you hear him mutter, “Alright. Tough crowd.”
He follows you to the kitchen like a golden retriever. Doesn’t ask where things are — just opens cabinets and drawers like it’s his Airbnb.
“I got this,” he says, pulling out two glasses. “I’m a fantastic guest. Top tier. Five stars on all platforms.”
You raise an eyebrow. “You have reviews?”
“No, but if I did? Flawless.”
He pours two drinks. One is wine. The other is apple juice. He hands you the wine. “Cheers.”
You eye the juice. “Is that … what you’re drinking?”
“I burnt a little on the flight. Gotta rehydrate.”
He’s completely serious. Like drinking juice is a medical emergency. You stifle a laugh.
“You okay?” He asks, suddenly earnest. “You look like you’re tired. But not like, normal tired. Lawyer tired.”
You blink at him. “Lawyer tired?”
“Yeah. Like … your eyeballs are sleepy but your soul’s still trying to finish a brief.”
You stare.
“I mean that in a good way. Like, impressive. Respectfully.”
“Wow.”
“I should stop talking.”
“Yeah, probably.”
***
Dinner is his idea. You offer to order something in. He insists on cooking. “I make a mean carbonara,” he says. “Or maybe risotto. Wait, do you eat dairy?”
You nod.
“Okay, sick. Chef Lando it is.”
You spend the next hour watching him destroy Carlos’ kitchen with the chaotic enthusiasm of a man who’s only cooked two times in his life and once lit a tea towel on fire.
He tells stories while he cooks, most of them involving near-death experiences, bad tattoos, and a rental car that somehow ended up in a lake.
You lean on the counter, sipping your wine. “Do you ever filter?”
“Rarely. But I can if you want. I can be quiet. Mysterious. Brooding.”
“You?”
He makes a face. “Okay, rude.”
“You burn your hand yet?”
“Twice,” he says cheerfully. “But I’m hiding it to preserve my ego.”
He fumbles with the tongs. Pasta flies out of the pan and onto the floor. He shrugs. “Five-second rule?”
You deadpan. “I’m not that desperate yet.”
He laughs. You notice he has a nice laugh. Not performative. Just … happy.
Dinner is terrible. Somehow both overcooked and cold. You take one bite and try not to gag.
“So?” He asks, eyes wide with hope.
“It’s … ambitious.”
He winces. “I’ll order pizza.”
“I won’t stop you.”
“Should’ve stuck with cereal,” he mutters, pulling out his phone.
You don’t mean to smile. But you do.
***
Later, you sit on the couch with your legs tucked under you while he scrolls through terrible Spanish romcoms on TV.
“This one’s got a 3.4 on IMDb.”
“Perfect.”
He clicks play.
You steal glances at him when he’s not looking. He’s gotten more attractive since the last time you saw him, though you’re not sure if it’s the jawline or the fact that he keeps folding your hoodie when you leave it on the back of a chair.
He’s obnoxious, yes. Too comfortable too fast. But when you yawn mid-movie, his entire face falls.
“Oh no, I’m boring you.”
“It’s the wine.”
“I’m still boring you.”
“You’re not.”
“I totally am.”
He turns toward you, earnest again. It’s disarming. “You wanna sleep? I’ll shut up.”
“You never shut up.”
“Harsh.”
He watches you for a moment. “You sure you’re okay?”
You pause. That question again. The one you’ve been dodging since the breakdown.
“Yeah,” you lie.
He nods. But doesn’t push.
You both go quiet. The movie drones on in the background.
“Hey,” he says suddenly.
“Yeah?”
“You’ve got a cool vibe.”
You look at him. “What does that mean?”
“I dunno. Like … your energy. It’s nice.”
You snort. “Are you high?”
“No! I’m complimenting you. With words.”
“This is how a teenager hits on a barista.”
“Okay, true, but still. I meant it.”
You stare at him.
He grins. “Just accept the compliment.”
You roll your eyes. But you don’t say no.
***
By the time you head to bed, the house smells like burnt garlic and whatever cologne he bathed in.
You hear him shuffling around in the guest room next to yours. Singing under his breath. Awful pitch.
You press your face into the pillow. You’re not supposed to like this. The noise. The chaos. The presence.
But when you wake up later and find your bags stacked neatly by the door — shoes lined up, hoodie folded on the chair — you smile.
Just a little.
And only when no one’s looking.
***
It starts the next morning with coffee.
You’re barely awake — just a hoodie-draped zombie with bed hair and a fading dream you don’t want to examine — when he appears in the kitchen, too chipper, too shirtless.
“You drink it black, right?” Lando asks, holding out a steaming cup like he’s been doing this forever. His curls are a mess. There’s toothpaste on his chin.
You blink at him. “How do you know how I take my coffee?”
“You made fun of me yesterday for putting oat milk in mine. I remembered.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “It’s called observation. I do it professionally.”
“Driving is not the same as remembering my coffee order.”
“I do both with style.”
You accept the cup, suspicious. “Did you spit in this?”
“Only love and a little judgment.”
You take a sip. It’s surprisingly decent.
“You’re not completely useless.”
“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
He says it with a grin, but something flickers in his eyes when you smile over your cup. You don’t catch it. Not yet.
***
Days pass like that. Mornings laced with caffeine and accidental comfort.
You fall into a rhythm neither of you talks about. He gets up earlier than you expect — blasts music while brushing his teeth, sings ABBA off-key in the hallway, makes smoothies that look like radioactive goo.
You argue over playlists constantly.
“No. We’re not doing Pitbull at eight in the morning.”
“He’s Mr. Worldwide! It’s inspirational.”
“He’s bald and shouting.”
“That’s showbiz, baby.”
Sometimes, you win. Most of the time, he sneaks Mr. Brightside onto every playlist and pretends he didn’t.
You never thought you'd get used to someone like him. Loud. Playful. Constantly hovering in your peripheral vision. But there's a gentleness under the antics. A sweetness that doesn't beg to be noticed, but you notice anyway.
He drives you to the market without asking. Carries your groceries like it’s a competition. Starts trying to cook again — more confident than competent.
“What’s your favorite dish?” He asks one evening, hunched over his phone like it owes him money.
You answer without thinking. “Cacio e pepe.”
“Easy. I got this.”
He doesn’t got this.
He overcooks the pasta, forgets to salt the water, and ends up Googling “what is pecorino” in a panic.
You walk in on him whispering “don’t clump, don’t clump” at the sauce like it’s sentient.
You bite your lip to keep from laughing. “Need help?”
“Nope. I’m an artist. This is part of the process.”
He serves it with flair. You pretend not to notice the texture is more glue than cheese.
Still, you eat it. He watches your face the whole time, pretending not to. When you finish the plate, he beams like he’s won a Michelin star.
^**
The rain starts on a Tuesday.
You wake to gray skies and the soft percussion of drops against the villa’s roof. You think it’ll pass. It doesn’t.
By mid-afternoon, you’re both restless.
“I have to move,” you say, pacing in the living room. “I need to do something.”
Lando sprawls across the rug like a teenage boy at a sleepover. “Let’s play Mario Kart.”
“That’s not productive.”
“You’re literally vibrating with stress. Sit down. You need to get your ass kicked by Princess Peach.”
You do not get your ass kicked. You annihilate him.
“This game is rigged,” he whines as your kart zips past his. “You’re cheating.”
“I'm just better.”
“You're heartless. Cruel. Unfairly good at drifting.”
“You sound like a man who’s losing.”
He groans, flops over, and covers his face with a throw pillow. “I hate fish.”
You blink. “What?”
“Just thought I’d change the subject.”
You snort. “Okay. Why?”
“They smell weird. They look weird. Their eyes freak me out.”
“Do you think fish can understand us?”
He lifts the pillow slightly. “Are we high right now?”
“No, I’m serious. What if they know we’re watching them?”
“Then I owe a lot of apologies to some sushi.”
You laugh. A real one. Not the polite chuckle you use in meetings, not the rehearsed smile for courtroom civility. This one hits your ribs.
He sits up. Watches you. Doesn’t say anything for a moment.
“What?” You ask.
“Nothing,” he says. “Just … you’re different when you laugh like that.”
You glance away. “Like what?”
“Like you forgot something was weighing on you.”
His voice is soft now. Uncharacteristically so. You don’t respond right away. Just look out the window, rain sliding down the glass in long, lazy streaks.
After a while, you say, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
He looks over.
“I mean, with my life,” you continue. “I was going so fast, for so long, and now I’ve stopped and I don’t … know what’s left.”
You stare at your hands. You hate how raw that sounds. How uncertain.
He doesn’t jump in. Doesn’t make a joke. Doesn’t try to fix it.
Just sits beside you. Quiet.
“I used to think being successful would feel better than this,” you say. “But I don’t even remember who I was before I started chasing things I don’t even know if I wanted.”
“Do you wanna go back?” He asks.
“No. But I don’t know how to go forward, either.”
He nods. Not like he understands completely — but like he’s trying to. Like he’s holding space for you, instead of advice.
“I don’t have answers,” he says eventually. “But I’m really good at distractions.”
You smile faintly. “Clearly.”
“I mean, c’mon. My carbonara almost killed you.”
“It did. I wrote a will after.”
“Harsh.”
“Truthful.”
He grins, and you feel lighter. A little.
***
That night, the rain intensifies.
You can’t sleep. Not because of the storm, but because something inside you is too noisy. Like your mind won’t stop pacing the room.
You wander out into the hallway, barefoot and restless, planning to make tea.
You don’t expect to see the front door open.
Or the rain soaking the floor tiles just past the entry.
Or him — barefoot, shirt clinging to him, hair dripping, crouched on the porch with his hands around a toppled plant.
You step outside. The rain is warm. Immediate. Your hoodie clings to your skin.
“Are you serious?” You call.
He looks up. His smile is sheepish, wide. “It fell over. I didn’t want it to drown.”
“In the middle of a storm?”
“Poor guy didn’t ask for this.”
You stare at him. His knees are muddy. There’s a leaf in his hair. He’s cradling the ceramic pot like it’s a kitten.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Guilty.”
“But also kind of … sweet.”
He looks at you.
You’re not sure what’s shifted. Maybe it’s the rain. The hour. The silence between the two of you that’s no longer awkward.
You’re suddenly aware of how close he is. How sincere his face becomes when he thinks you’re not looking.
He stands slowly. Water drips down his neck.
You say, “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know.”
You say, “You’re soaked.”
“So are you.”
And there it is — that moment. Hanging. Taut.
Not quite a kiss. Not yet.
But the kind of stillness that precedes something inevitable.
He tucks a wet strand of hair behind your ear. Doesn’t touch anything else.
His fingers are cold. His eyes are impossibly warm.
You shiver.
He notices. “Come on. Let’s not catch pneumonia.”
You nod. Follow him inside. Neither of you says much as you dry off.
But something’s different now.
And you both feel it.
Like you’ve stepped into something bigger than a holiday detour.
Something that might last.
***
You don’t expect him to ask.
You’re elbow-deep in a bowl of popcorn, half-watching some Spanish cooking show neither of you understands, when he says it — casual, like it’s nothing.
“You should come to Monaco next weekend.”
You blink. “What?”
“To the race. I’ll give you the VIP treatment.”
You raise an eyebrow. “What does that even mean?”
“It means you get a lanyard. And free food. And I pretend to be cooler than I actually am.”
“So, your regular weekend?”
He smirks. “Exactly.”
You scoff. “I’m not going to be some … grid girl.”
His grin falters. Just a little. “It’s not like that.”
“Lando.”
“You’d be my guest.”
“That’s worse.”
He turns toward you on the couch, legs folded under him like a golden retriever mid-persuasion. “Come on. It’s glamorous. There’s champagne. Helicopters. You love judging rich people.”
“That part is tempting.”
“I’ll let you wear one of my team shirts.”
“Still not sold.”
“I’ll bribe you with food.”
“Try again.”
“I’ll-” He pauses, thinks hard, then lights up. “-I’ll serenade you. Publicly. At the paddock.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I would. Off-key. Acapella. I’ll make the engineers cry.”
You roll your eyes, but you’re smiling.
He leans closer, dramatic whisper: “Come on. I’ll look lonely if you’re not there.”
“You’ll be surrounded by people.”
“Yeah, but none of them steal my fries and insult my music taste.”
You try not to let the warmth bloom too fast. “That’s your best argument?”
He lifts his hands. “That’s all I got.”
You shake your head. “Fine.”
He blinks. “Wait, seriously?”
You sigh. “Yes. Before I change my mind.”
He fist pumps the air. “YES. I mean — cool. Chill. No big deal.”
You snort. “You’re such a loser.”
“Your loser.”
You ignore the way your chest does a weird little flutter.
***
You regret saying yes almost immediately.
Not because you don’t want to go — but because it’s a lot.
The paddock is chaos. Noise. Cameras. Sunglasses on everyone, like they’re all pretending it’s not just overcast. You can feel eyes on you from the second you step out of the car.
Lando’s bouncing on the balls of his feet beside you, grinning like he owns the place. Which, in a way, he kind of does.
“You okay?” He asks.
You nod, a bit dazed. “You weren’t kidding about the VIP treatment.”
“Would I ever lie?”
“Yes.”
“Fair.”
He hands you a pass. “Here. This is your all-access badge. Makes you important.”
“Is it laminated?”
“Of course it’s laminated. We’re not animals.”
You laugh. He smiles like that was his whole goal.
People greet him constantly — engineers, press, fans. He throws a casual arm around your shoulder more than once, guiding you through the crowd.
You notice it after the third introduction: no one asks who you are. They all assume.
“Oh, so this is your-”
“Hey, you finally brought her!”
“Lando’s girl, right?”
You start correcting people. At first.
“Oh no, we’re just-”
“Not together, actually.”
“Just friends.”
But he never jumps in. Never clarifies. Just smiles, tugs you along, calls you mate in that annoyingly endearing way.
At some point, you stop correcting anyone. You tell yourself it’s just easier that way.
You’re lying.
***
You meet Oscar by the snack table.
He’s polite, a little dry, surprisingly funny. You’re mid-laugh when Lando shows up, scooter wheels screeching dramatically.
“Hey,” he says, too loud. “What’s going on here?”
Oscar raises an eyebrow. “Just talking.”
“Looked like flirting from over there.”
Oscar blinks. “I was complimenting her trainers.”
Lando squints. “They’re mine.”
“Ah.” Oscar smiles. “Well, you’ve got good taste.”
You can feel the tension radiating off Lando like heat from asphalt.
“Oscar was just telling me about the simulator,” you say, steering the conversation.
Lando crosses his arms. “Yeah? I’m faster than him in it.”
“By two-tenths,” Oscar says mildly.
“Still counts.”
You glance between them. “Are you … racing right now?”
Oscar shrugs. “Always.”
Lando tries to lean casually against a tire stack. Misses. Nearly faceplants into a crate of water bottles.
You wince. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” he grumbles, hopping back up.
Oscar’s expression is unreadable.
You bite your lip. “Should I, uh, go find my seat?”
Oscar nods. “Probably safer over there.”
You follow Lando as he storms off, silent. His curls are a mess. His ears are red.
When you finally stop near the garage, you say, “What was that?”
“What?”
“You nearly crashed your scooter trying to interrupt a conversation.”
“He was flirting with you.”
“No, he wasn’t.”
“He was definitely flirting with you.”
“And if he was?”
Lando blinks. “I-”
You tilt your head. “Lando.”
“I didn’t like it.”
You cross your arms. “Why not?”
He stares at the ground. Rubs the back of his neck. Looks nothing like the confident, camera-ready version of himself from earlier.
Finally, he says, quietly, “I just really like you.”
You freeze.
“I know I’m not your type,” he adds quickly. “And I know you’re probably just being nice to me because I make dumb jokes and cook badly and follow you around like a puppy-”
“Lando-”
“-but I’d try, you know? To be whatever it is you’re looking for. Even if I’m not it.”
The words hang between you. Raw. Honest. Vulnerable in a way you haven’t seen from him before.
You laugh. Just a little. Not because it’s funny, but because it’s too much.
He looks crushed.
“Sorry,” you say quickly. “That wasn’t — I’m not laughing at you. I’m just … overwhelmed.”
His mouth twitches like he’s trying to smile through it.
You reach for his arm. “You don’t have to be anything else. You’re already …”
You stop. Your heart fills in the blank your brain can’t say.
You’re already it.
***
Back in the garage, you watch him from a distance. He’s talking to his engineers, gesturing wildly, helmet tucked under one arm.
He doesn’t glance your way.
For once, you’re the one staring.
Something’s shifted again. The line you’ve been walking is gone. Or maybe it was never there to begin with.
Maybe this thing — whatever it is — isn’t waiting to be defined.
Maybe it’s just becoming.
***
It starts with a subject line you don’t want to read.
RE: Return to Work Policy Update.
You’re sitting cross-legged on the villa’s sun-warmed patio, coffee cold beside you, when the email comes through. You stare at it for a full minute before opening it.
Then you read it. Reread it. And again.
By the time the words actually register, your throat is dry.
They want you back.
In the office. Full-time. Effective immediately.
No room for extension. No regard for the months of burnout, the time zone, the soft, tender recovery you’ve only just begun to trust.
The deadline sits there, bold and final: next Friday.
If you don’t return, they’ll consider it a resignation.
Your hands tremble. Not dramatically. Just enough to spill a little coffee when you try to pick up the mug.
You wipe it away with your sleeve. Then you close the laptop slowly, gently, like maybe that’ll keep the contents from being real.
***
Lando doesn’t notice at first.
You’re good at hiding. You always have been.
He bounds into the kitchen mid-morning, wearing swim trunks and no shirt, hair wet from the sea. “I made toast!” He announces proudly. “It’s only slightly burnt. Also, I may have used all the butter.”
You smile. Or something close to it.
He pauses. “Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah. Just tired.”
“You wanna go for a swim?”
“Not right now.”
He watches you for a second longer than normal.
Then shrugs. “I’ll save you a good floaty.”
You nod.
But later, you don’t join him. You stay inside. You open a suitcase you haven’t touched in weeks. You fold slowly, carefully. As if touching your things too fast might make it all feel too real.
***
The villa shifts.
There’s a silence between you that hasn’t been there before. Not sharp, just … echoey.
You stop making jokes. Stop dancing in the kitchen. Stop stealing his hoodies and pretending not to.
Lando notices.
And he spirals.
First, he overcompensates — louder jokes, bolder breakfasts, compliments that sound like YouTube comments.
“You’re glowing today. Like, solar flare-level.”
“Okay.”
“That hoodie’s working overtime. Is that a new shade of existential dread?”
You manage a weak laugh. It makes him look relieved. Which only makes you feel worse.
Because none of this is his fault.
He doesn’t know.
You don’t tell him.
***
Wednesday, he plans the party.
He does it in secret. Sort of.
Oscar is in on it. So is Carlos — over FaceTime, mostly to say things like “Do not set anything on fire” and “Are you using actual TNT?”
Lando doesn’t care about the logistics. He just wants to make you smile.
“She’s leaving, I think,” he mutters, digging through drawers for balloons. “She hasn’t said it, but … I can tell.”
Oscar looks at him, concerned. “Did something happen?”
“Not exactly.” Lando shrugs. “I think I broke it.”
“You?”
“She’s … retreating. Like, emotionally. It’s like she’s packing her heart before her suitcase.”
Oscar frowns. “That’s poetic. Are you okay?”
Lando ignores the question. “I just want her to know she matters here. That this mattered. That I’ll-” He stops. Runs a hand through his curls. “-that I’ll miss her. So fucking much.”
***
The party is terrible.
Confetti ends up in the punch. The playlist is just ABBA and Martin Garrix on loop. Oscar bails halfway through. Carlos texts I warned you.
But the real problem is this.
You don’t show up.
Lando waits. He checks his phone. Checks the garden. The pool. The kitchen.
Nothing.
Eventually, he wanders outside. Something tells him to check the back.
That’s where he finds you.
Curled into yourself on a bench beneath the lemon tree, head bowed, fingers twisted in the hem of your shirt. Shoulders shaking.
He stops mid-step. Heart hammering.
“Hey.”
You flinch, barely.
He walks slowly, like he’s afraid you might vanish if he moves too fast.
“What’s wrong?” He asks gently.
You shake your head.
“I thought you were mad at me,” he admits. “But you’re-”
“I’m leaving,” you say suddenly, voice hoarse. “Next Friday. If I don’t go back, they’ll fire me.”
He blinks. “Oh.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you.”
Lando sits beside you. Not close enough to touch. Just near.
You bury your face in your hands.
“I don’t want to go,” you whisper. “But I don’t know how to stay, either.”
And just like that, the dam breaks. The tears come fast, messy, embarrassing in their intensity.
You expect him to panic. To joke. To offer a stupid, misplaced solution.
He doesn’t.
He just slides closer. Wraps his arms around you.
“I don’t know how to fix this,” he says softly, chin resting on your hair, “but I can sit here until you’re okay.”
You cling to him like he’s a life raft. And maybe he is.
You cry harder.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” you admit. “I’ve spent years building a life I’m not even sure I want anymore.”
“Then don’t go back to it.”
“I have to.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know who I am without it.”
He’s quiet for a long time.
Then, quietly, “I think you’re someone who deserves to choose. And be chosen.”
You pull back slightly. Just enough to look at him.
His eyes are red. Not from tears, just open. Vulnerable.
“Lando,” you whisper.
He leans in.
Slow. Careful. Like he’s waiting for you to stop him.
You don’t.
The kiss is gentle. Reverent. A question more than an answer.
You breathe into it. Let your hand slide to his jaw. Let yourself feel the way he sighs against your mouth, like kissing you is something he’s been holding in for weeks.
When he finally pulls back, he rests his forehead against yours.
“Stay,” he says, barely audible.
You close your eyes.
“I want to.”
“Then we’ll figure it out.”
***
You don’t decide to stay because of Lando.
Not exactly.
You decide to stay because the thought of packing up now — of folding all this softness into a suitcase and shipping it back to a life you’re no longer sure you chose — makes your chest ache in a way that has nothing to do with fear and everything to do with clarity.
Lando doesn’t ask questions. He just finds you that morning in the kitchen, barefoot and bleary-eyed, scribbling a pros and cons list onto the back of an electric bill.
You don’t look up. You just say, “I’m not leaving. Not yet.”
He’s quiet for a second too long, and you glance up — worried he didn’t hear, or worse, that he did.
But then he grins. Huge. Bright. Like someone lit a fire inside him.
“You’re not leaving?”
“No.”
“Like … not leaving leaving?”
“For now.”
“For now,” he echoes, nodding, trying to play it cool. “Right. Yeah. Cool. Chill.”
You sip your coffee.
He bumps your shoulder. “So … does this mean I can keep introducing you as my emotionally exclusive, spiritually bonded non-girlfriend?”
You laugh into your mug. “That’s not a thing.”
“It could be. It sounds deep. Very committed. Like a tax bracket.”
“Just say girlfriend.”
“But we didn’t talk about it.”
“Then talk.”
He straightens, clears his throat dramatically. “Would you do me the honor of being my emotionally exclusive-”
“Lando.”
“Girlfriend. Would you be my girlfriend?”
You give him a long look. “Okay.”
He whoops and spins you around the kitchen before you can change your mind.
***
The days fall into place like dominoes after that.
Not perfect. Just … consistent. Yours.
Mornings start with half-burnt toast and Lando doing pushups in the living room because “I skipped the gym, babe. You want me to be weak?”
You steal his hoodies like it’s your job. He leaves little notes in your shoes like it’s his.
Sometimes, you fight. Over dumb stuff — who used the last clean towel, whether ketchup belongs in the fridge or the pantry, if “driver” is a real career or just a glorified Mario Kart enthusiast.
But the making up is easy.
It always has been, with him.
***
One afternoon, Lando walks into a coffee shop holding your hand and introduces you to the barista.
“This is my girlfriend.”
You blink. He hasn’t used the word out loud yet.
“Well,” he adds quickly, “not officially officially, but like, we’re emotionally exclusive. Spiritually connected. She knows where I keep my socks.”
The barista nods slowly, very confused.
You squeeze his hand. “We’re dating.”
“Oh,” she says, relieved. “Cool.”
Lando turns to you as soon as she walks away. “Was that weird?”
“A little.”
“Did I oversell it?”
“Maybe.”
“But you still like me?”
“Unfortunately.”
He beams. “Sucker.”
***
You record a video of him attempting to fold laundry and accidentally inventing a TikTok dance while pulling a hoodie inside out. It gets 300,000 likes overnight.
He tries to act modest. Fails completely.
“I’m an icon,” he says, scrolling through the comments. ‘Boyfriend energy — see that? That’s me. I am the boyfriend.”
You steal his phone.
“HEY!”
“No more reading comments. You’re unbearable.”
He leans in, eyes wide and innocent. “You knew what you signed up for.”
You did.
You just didn’t know it would feel this good.
***
Carlos calls during dinner one night. You’re sitting outside, feet in Lando’s lap, a half-eaten bowl of pasta between you.
Lando puts the call on speaker.
“Have you both burned down my villa yet?”
“Nope,” Lando says cheerfully. “Just christened all of it.”
You kick him.
Carlos sighs. “I knew letting you stay there was a mistake.”
You grin. “We’ll leave it better than we found it.”
“Good. Because I’m coming back next month.”
Lando chokes on his milk.
Carlos raises an eyebrow — visible even through the pixelation. “What?”
“Nothing. Cool. Chill. Welcome back, mate.”
You lean in. “We’ll be out before then.”
“Where are you going?”
Lando shrugs. “Nowhere far.”
Carlos stares suspiciously, but lets it go.
For now.
***
It happens on a Sunday.
You come home from the market, arms full of fresh herbs and way too many lemons because Lando said “go big or go home,” and walk into absolute chaos.
Smoke. Everywhere.
You freeze in the doorway.
“Lando?”
A pan clatters. “It’s fine!”
You drop the groceries and rush in. He’s waving a dish towel at the smoke detector, eyes watering.
“What did you do?”
“I was trying to make that shrimp thing you like!”
“I told you I was allergic to shellfish!”
He pauses. “Wait, shrimp counts as shellfish?”
You just stare.
“I thought it was like … seafood.”
“It is seafood!”
“So … not fish?”
You blink at him. “That’s your defense?”
He drops the towel. “I’m really bad at this.”
You cross your arms. “I noticed.”
He opens his mouth to keep digging the hole.
You laugh.
It surprises both of you.
“God,” you say, walking over, “you’re a disaster.”
“I tried to impress you!”
“With anaphylaxis?”
“I got confused!”
You wrap your arms around his waist, still laughing.
He exhales, relief flooding through him.
You tilt your head up. “Next time, just buy me a cupcake.”
He grins. “Can do.”
Then he kisses you. Slow, familiar. Like you have nowhere else to be.
And maybe you don’t.
Maybe this is it.
Maybe this mess of smoke and lemons and burnt fish-smelling air is yours.
***
Later, curled up on the couch in one of his shirts, you ask, “So what’s the plan when Carlos comes back?”
Lando taps something on his phone, pretending to be casual. “We … move?”
You raise an eyebrow. “That’s your plan?”
He tosses the phone down and stretches, clearly trying to be nonchalant. “I mean, we can’t actually stay here forever.”
“No,” you admit.
“I’ve been looking at places.”
Your eyes widen. “Seriously?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs, cheeks going pink. “Just, you know. In case we want … options.”
You lean your head against his shoulder. “And do we?”
“I do.”
He presses a kiss to your hair, then grins.
“Hey … do you know any good lawyers?”
You look up. “Why?”
“Because Carlos is definitely going to want his villa back. And I think I need legal counsel before I sign the papers on a new one.”
You laugh. “Are you trying to retain me?”
He grins. “Emotionally. Spiritually. Legally.”
You nudge him playfully. “You’re such a dork.”
“And you love it.”
You do.
And you’re staying.
***
Carlos arrives at the villa just after noon, sun-tanned and dead-eyed, dragging two suitcases and a single, unrelenting hope.
Peace. Quiet. Maybe a cold beer. No one yelling. No team meetings. No cameras.
Just Marbella, his lemon trees, and the blessed sound of absolutely nothing.
He exhales as he unlocks the front gate, breathing in the soft scent of sea salt and sunscreen. It’s good to be home.
Or so he thinks.
Because he hasn’t noticed the massive moving truck parked next door yet.
***
He’s halfway through unpacking — half a beer gone, half a suitcase open — when he hears it.
A crash. Then laughter. Then what sounds like, yep that’s Lando’s voice shouting, “Babe, I think I broke the blender but like … in a hot way?”
Carlos freezes.
“No,” he mutters. “No. No. No.”
He walks stiffly out to the garden wall, cranes his neck — and there, as if summoned by evil spirits and bad karma, is Lando.
Wearing a tank top, holding a screwdriver, grinning like the world is made of sunshine and Monster energy.
“CARLOS!” He yells, delighted. “You’re back!”
Carlos stares, horrified. “Why are you here?”
“Oh, right — funny story!” Lando sets the screwdriver down on what might once have been a blender. “We live here now.”
“You what?”
“Moved in last week.”
Carlos blinks. “Here? As in … next door?”
“Yeah! Isn’t that great?”
Carlos looks like he’s trying to mentally summon a lightning strike. “You bought that place?”
“Well, technically it’s still in escrow,” Lando says, wiping his hands on his shorts. “But spiritually, we’ve already moved in.”
Carlos glares.
Lando grins wider. “Wanna see the kitchen? We painted one of the walls blue by accident but I think it kind of slaps.”
Before Carlos can recover enough to yell, you step out from inside, wearing Lando’s hoodie and holding a glass of orange juice like you own the sun.
You freeze. “Oh.”
He blinks. “You’re here too?”
You smile sheepishly. “Hi, Carlos.”
Lando beams. “We’re neighbors!”
Carlos closes his eyes. “I need another beer.”
“Want one of ours?” Lando offers brightly. “I bought those fancy ones you like. The ones with the weird labels.”
Carlos opens one eye. “Did you drink all the ones in my fridge?”
“No! I have your beer memorized.”
“That’s not better.”
You snort, already laughing.
Carlos stares at the two of you, then sighs. “This was supposed to be my peaceful getaway.”
“We can be peaceful,” you promise.
Lando leans against the garden wall. “Super peaceful.”
A loud crash echoes behind him.
You wince. “What was that?”
Lando blinks. “Oh no. I left the microwave on.”
Carlos groans into his hands. “This is my nightmare.”
“C’mon, it’s us,” Lando says, grinning. “What could go wrong?”
Carlos doesn’t answer. He just walks back into his villa, muttering something about divine punishment.
***
From his kitchen, he can hear you both laughing through the open windows.
And weirdly, it kind of sounds like home.
#f1 imagine#f1#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 fanfiction#f1 x reader#f1 x you#lando norris#ln4#lando norris imagine#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#lando norris fic#lando norris fluff#lando norris fanfic#lando norris blurb#f1 fluff#f1 blurb#f1 one shot#f1 x y/n#f1 drabble#f1 fandom#f1blr#f1 x female reader#lando norris x female reader#lando norris x y/n#mclaren#lando norris one shot#lando norris drabble
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AU:
Neil doesn’t meet the foxes, he’s instead caught by the FBI
He helps them catch his father and bring down his empire.
One day he’s brought in to Andrew’s lecture as a guest speaker
The Q&A at the end:
Student: Have you ever killed someone?
Neil: There’s two FBI agents at the door who advised me against answering that specific question. There’s your answer.
Student: What’s the best way to get fake documents?
Neil: I’m legally required to say “don’t”.
Student: What’s the most illegal thing you’ve ever done?
Neil: See, that’s a trick question, because if I answer it becomes the most illegal thing I’ve admitted to.
Student: What’s the hardest lie youve ever had to tell?
Neil: “Sure, I’d love to do a Q&A with a bunch of people who are weirdly obsessed with my father and decided to study crimes because they don’t have the balls to commit them.”
Student: Are you afraid your father’s people will come after you?
Neil *at the end of his fucking rope*: No, I feel completely safe. That’s why I’ve got armed federal agents waiting outside.
Student: How’d you get caught?
Neil: First of all, rude. Second, the FBI made a very compelling argument
Student: …which one
Neil: “cooperate or find out exactly how many laws you’ve broken” - said by a guy holding a very thick file. Direct. Effective. Hard to argue while zip-tied to a chair.
Student: What’s something you miss about your old life?
Neil: being able to leave a room without seven cops and a judge asking where I’m going.
Student: If you could do it all over again, would you?
Neil: I’d rather set myself on fire. I know you don’t understand that reference, but trust me when I say it’s funny.
Student: how many identities have you had?
Neil: Simultaneously or in total?
Student: …total?
Neil: enough that I had to check my ID before answering roll call
Student: what’s the worst crime you’ve ever committed?
Neil: do you want me to answer this as Neil Josten or Nathaniel Wesninski? The distinction matters.
Student: Have you ever made someone disappear?
Neil *looking over his shoulder at Browning*: goodness gracious no
Student: How many languages do you speak?
Neil: enough to talk my way out of things… mostly into them, though
Student: Why did you agree to talk to us?
Neil: it was this or community service
He’s as unhelpful as possible.
His entire goal is to waste everyone’s time while making it just interesting enough that no one can call him out on it.
And Andrew? He’s watching. He’s enthralled. He’s interested, and isn’t that odd.
The professor looks like she regrets her entire career. Half the class is too stunned to speak. Browning is wondering if the punishment for beating up the most valuable witness the FBI has in custody would be worth it. (It would)
Anyway long story short. 5 minutes in Andrew’s in love
#bear with me. this took all day.#this is what 8 hours of meetings does to a person.#I was chuckling to myself. like a lunatic.#andreil#kairospy headcanons#neil josten#aftg#nora sakavic#all for the game#the sunshine court#aftg fanart#aftg andreil#alternate universe#incorrect aftg#all for the game trilogy#neil abram josten#nathaniel wesninski#the kings men#the raven king
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.
#got real tired of being misgendered real fast#every she is like a knife!! I hate it!!!#oh god and they really love to classic wife joke#I actually normally don’t mind ‘wife’ as a term but that’s when the people using it know I’m not actually a girl#she! she! she! 🔪🔪🔪 death and destruction#also this isn’t as bad as the misgendering but holy shit they are terrible guests#their house is always a mess and they just treat our house like theirs!#when we said ‘make yourself at home’ I didn’t actually mean ‘don’t bother cleaning up your messes’#who leaves water all over the counter at someone else’s house?? who leaves their shit just strewn about??#they have just like no decorum as guests and it’s too late to teach them how to behave themselves in someone else’s home#oh? are our floors cold? you don’t like our dining table? tell me what else you’re judging in someone else’s house Lynne. go ahead.#in case you don’t know it’s really rude to negatively comment on a bunch of stuff in someone’s home when they haven’t asked your opinion#and then they’re ‘she’ing me left and right!! somehow they use more pronouns per convo than I’ve ever heard#also! I am allergic to exactly one food why the fuck would you bring a bunch of stuff with it?? you couldn’t skip it??#I’ve never seen them eat so much cinnamon at their house I swear it’s like they’re fucking with me#sorry had to rant or ill explode
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