#haappy thoughts

[anonyunknownonearth]

Peter : Looks like a cinnamon roll, is a cinnamon roll

Harley : Looks like a cinnamon roll, could kill you

Tony : Looks like he could kill you, is a cinnamon roll (in a way)

Pepper : Looks like she could kill you, could kill you

Morgan : All of them. Somehow. Just. Is. Okay? I know she is a child.

[Original btw]

[jackienautism]

i’m honestly so fuckjng pissed right now IF YOU WERE REGINA GEORGE IRL YOU WOULD ****NOT**** BE SAYINF YOU HATED CADY. AND THATS ON THAT

[wildestdreamsblog]

I reaaaally love your blog and writing. You deserve all the followers and attention!! Yandere is so difficult to make accessible because it has so much potential to be negatively triggering instead of….like….arousing…ly? The whole fear to….haappy chemicals…I don’t know the science 🥹 but you do it perfectly.I am always amazed and in love with what you write❤️❤️❤️

For your follower event, if you arent too full alreadddy. Thinking “You were only supposed to be a temporary psychologist where a member was confined “ with Hoseok or Seokjin?

I had a dream like that recently and I can’t get it out. I would love to see your rendition 🙏

Happy Easter, I hope you enjoy the chocolates and bunnies ❤️

My Sunshine

Pairing: Patient!Jung Hoseok x Psychologist!Reader

Warnings: Soft Yandere, Obsessiveness, Possessiveness, Manipulative behavior, Violence, Slight sexual themes, If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: ahhhhh yes, our love for twisted love! Tysm for loving my works! Belated Happy Easter hehe this was late but tysm for celebrating with me.

3000 celebration

He kept on smiling.

Had you met him under differences circumstances, you were certain that the thought of him being a danger to the society wouldn’t cross your mind. You were sure that under different circumstances, you and him would be friends. He had that specific aura in him, as though he was the sun that brought light to the world. He looked as though anyone could mess up and he wouldn’t have it in him to be angry. Not only did he look kind, but he was one of the most good looking men you had ever laid eyes on. His prominent jaw and his heart-shaped lips were only some of the attributes that stood out. His eyes were crinkling as he continued smiling at you.

Jung Hoseok looked like the kindest person you would ever meet.

Except that he did send twelve people to the hospital. The worst part of it all was that he was seen to be laughing as he beat up the men. He was said to be having the time of his life as he bathe on their blood.

He was happy.

Just like now.

You cleared your throat and crossed your legs, your notepad resting on your thighs as you tried to calm your nerves. Hoesok looked like he was not affected by any of this, as though he was not mandated by court to be evaluated psychologically. He was too calm as though he wasn’t currently confined in a mental institution because, and he quoted, he was a menace to the society.

Yet there he was, sitting on the couch in front of you with his hands resting on his lap- an image of a good, patient student.

“You look nervous, Doctor. Please, don’t be,” he broke the silence with his comforting voice, his eyes shining with genuine worry over your state. “I don’t bite.”

Oh, but he did bite that one guy. But not you, though. He decided you looked like a good person. The psychologist that came before you was on mental health leave. He stated that Hoseok’s case was stressing him out, that he was beyond saving and so they temporarily sent the new doctor in. For the life of him, he didn’t know why he was the cause of that doctor’s stress when all he did was smile at him.

Maybe he should stop smiling? Ahh, but he was just so happy, he thought.

“How are you, Hoseok?” You finally asked, looking up from his files to the man himself who was still…smiling so unnervingly.

He tilted his head in what someone could described as adorable. “The food is bland, doc. I think I’m losing weight since they sent me here two months ago,” he replied with a shudder, remembering the tasteless meals they made him eat. He even volunteered to replace the cook and they only looked at him with fear in their eyes. He was being serious, though.

You stood up without a second thought, going straight to your bag to grab your packed lunch. You were walking to him when you paused, suddenly thinking of the warnings they told you.

Don’t get too close, they said.

Don’t get fooled by his innocent face, they said.

He’s dangerous, they said.

He’s obsessive, they said.

In hindsight though, you should have listened to them. But then you kept on walking and placed your food container on the coffee table in front of him. He was watching you curiously, that smile was still ever so present on his face. He watched you hesitate before looking at him, your hand holding your own utensils.

“I won’t hurt you,” Hoseok claimed with a nod. He knew you what you were thinking. He wasn’t a bad man, he would never hurt you.

You blinked owlishly when he caught on what you were thinking before slowly placing the utensils in his large hand. “I’m choosing to trust you, Hoseok.”

A bad decision, really.

That day, he finished the food for the first time since he was institutionalized. You were good at cooking, and he found himself looking forward to his visits. He found himself hating when the clock strikes one hour. He hated when he had to leave.

The first few visits, he would only smile at you and would evade your questions with his silence. And so, you started talking about your day, your family, your work- anything to fill the silence for an hour. Jung Hoseok merely listened. You did it for another two visits until he started chiming in, asking you follow-up questions with such genuine curiosity. It was during the fifth visit when he started sharing about his childhood, about how he had a loving mom and a younger sister…about how they both perished because of some stupid break-in that happened when he wasn’t there to protect them.

He was sixteen.

You told him it wasn’t his fault, that he had no control over what happened before. You told him that he shouldn’t blame himself.

He grinned at you and told you that yes, he didn’t have control before. But now, he had all the control and power. “I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to my family again.”

You frowned at his words before looking down at the file you had already gone through several times. Did you miss the information about his family? You were certain he had none. He was said to be merely existing with no known ties. Or had all of you been fooled?

“You’re cute when you’re confused,” he observed as he leaned in, his chin resting delicately on his hand. “Your face is so expressive. You’re like a…sunshine.”

Your eyes widened from his unexpected compliment, and you couldn’t help but feel you cheeks warming up. “And I like how sunshine makes me feel,” he trailed off before smiling even brighter at you.

Brushing off the confusing feelings he evoked from you, you looked at the peculiar man, in front of you before straightening your back. “It says on the file that you no longer have living relatives.”

“I’m referring to the future family I’ll surely have, sunshine,” he divulged dreamily as though having a family of his own was promised to him.

That day was the first time you saw the swirling darkness and insanity in his eyes.

You didn’t look up when he entered the room for his visit this time, your eyes focused on your laptop to keep your emotion in check. You heard the nurse removing his straight jacket before leaving the room.

Hoseok observed you from the distance he hated, your head bowed on the device when he heard it. You sniffed, your eyes looked swollen.

Were you crying?

Hoseok felt his hand turned into a fist, his smile faltering slightly. He badly wanted to come to you if not for the device enclasping his ankle. He detested that thing- how it could control him, how it could stop him from going to you.

Additionally, he wondered why he cared…or why he didn’t care that he was falling for you.

“Who do I have to hurt, sunshine?” He inquired with a reassuring smile that did anything but reassured you. You haltered your movement before slowly sitting down in front or him.

“I didn’t bring you food today. I’m sorry-“

He waved his hand at you, his focus not on the delicious meals you always brought him. His main focus was on who he had to hurt for hurting you. “Why are you crying, sunshine?”

You swallowed the rising tightness in your throat, tears desperately wanting to fall. “I’m not-“

“Tsk. We don’t lie here, sunshine. You made me promise not to lie to you. Shouldn’t you, too?”

“I just-“ you took a deep breath to calm yourself before looking at anywhere but him. “I just had an awful week, Hoseok. It’s just a lot. My other clients aren’t exactly as…kind as you are. I have a lot of responsibilities on top of my grandmother’s hospital bills-“ you cut yourself off before you could even rant longer. You dared to raise your eyes to his, only to find him listening intently. The twisted gears in his mind turning as he processed what you were saying. “I-I’m sorry. You’re my patient. I shouldn’t have-“ you trailed off before clearing your throat. “That was unprofessional of me. You have your own problems and you didn’t need to hear mine.”

He regarded you for a moment with silence that wasn’t welcomed, a tad bit too long before he beamed at you once again. “Would you like to hear about my past, sunshine?”

“Of course,” you answered, hiding your excitement. You barely scratched the surface with him, only letting you know what he wanted you to know. And besides, his old psychiatrist would come back soon. After all, his court hearing was fast approaching.

He smiled eagerly at you before tapping the space next to him. He saw you hesitated. Hoseok hated that. Oh what he would give to see you come willingly to him, he thought. Ah, it would come. He was sure.

“It’s a secret, sunshine,” he added as though it would convinced you. “You need to come near me so I can whisper it to you,” he reasoned out with a pout, his eyes twinkling with mischief. You were safe with him. He promised himself never to hurt you when he accepted that he was falling for you. He watched you with enthusiasm and when you finally sat next to him, he felt the happiest. He turned to you before thoughtlessly holding your soft hand in his larger one. Your heart beat faster. You never expected his hand to be warm and strong. He was confusing you. Jung Hoseok was messing with your emotions. They did warn you, but you had always been a stubborn girl since you were young. You were about to pull it away from him when he spoke.

“My father was the leader of an…organization,” he began, his eyes focused on the way your hand was smaller than his. He loved how the size difference made him feel. He loved… “It was his enemies who murdered my family.”

You stopped pulling your hand away from him. He was finally sharing. He was finally letting you in his dark and bloody past. “Where is your father, Hoseok?”

He chuckled as if you asked him a funny question. He was now nuzzling your hand, rubbing it so gently against his cheek.

You didn’t have to know who was his first kill.

You didn’t have to know it was his own flesh and blood.

“He’s dead, sunshine. Not that I care,” he mused before planting small kisses on the back your hand, his hold tightening when he felt you about to pull away. “He was an abusive person who hurt my mother. That’s not love, right?” He asked you before turning his head to you. He was close…so close that you could clearly see the color of his eyes, could clearly count the little freckles on his face. He was so close that you could feel the heat coming from him.

Hoseok smiled at you before lifting his hand and caressing your cheek with the back of his hand. He was watching his hand touched your skin as though he was enchanted by it. He smiled, still smiling when the conversation was as heavy as this way. “You don’t hurt the people you love. Because if you did, that’s simply not love.”

You went home that day with your thoughts scrambled by what he revealed. You weren’t aware that he was that powerful, that his family was one of the richest and most powerful family in the country. You weren’t aware of how dangerous he really was.

But you were now as you looked at the email from the hospital stating that your bill and any succeeding treatments were all taken care of by none other than the Jung Group of Companies.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you said for the fifth time today, your patience running thin from how stubborn he was. You were sitting in front of him despite his insistence that you sat next to him. He missed you. Thrice a week visitation was starting to not be enough for him. He worried for you constantly.

Did you eat?

Did you come home safe?

Did any other fuckers looked at you?

Did they?

Did they try to get your attention?

Did someone try to touch you?

Did they?

See, he worried. And it was for that reason that he had someone following you for your protection, and well…his sanity.

“Come sit with me, my sunshine,” he smiled at you as he patted not the sit beside him, but his lap this time. Your eyes widened at what he wanted. You weren’t a fool, you noticed him becoming touchy with you. You noticed him starting to be possessive of you. You were shaking your head before walking further away from him.

He hated seeing you walked away from him. He tilted his head to the side before giving you what he knew you couldn’t resist. “My sunshine,” he called you in a sing-song voice, smiling so sweetly at you it made you sick. “If you come to me now, I’ll tell you about why I beat those boys. And wouldn’t that make your job easier?”

He could see the fight in your eyes, could see you wondering whether you should trust him. In his opinion, you should trust him. He only wanted what was best for you, and well…he was the best for you. He watched you make your decision, and at the end, your sense of self-preservation lost the fight. He was triumphant as he held you in his arms, his hand caressing your waist.

God, he loved you.

“You see…those men,” he whispered from behind you, his lips touching your neck as he spoke and you couldn’t help but feel goosebumps from the way he touched you. “They were the one who murdered my family.

You stiffened from what he said…and from his lips that were peppering open-mouthed kisses on your neck. His hold on you was tight, his other hand caressing your smooth thigh. “And if you do a bad thing, shouldn’t there be consequences? You know…I waited too long for justice to come. I was patient, until I wasn’t. They weren’t atoning for their sins, sunshine. They keep on hurting innocent people. And I stopped them,” he whispered hotly in your ear, his finger so close to your core. Fuck, were you just as twisted as he was? How could you be attracted to him? To this?

Your core clenched when he traced your slit on top of your underwear. He chuckled when he felt how wet you were. He couldn’t wait to marry you. He couldn’t wait for the beautiful family that the two of you would create.

“That way, they could no longer hurt anyone. Am I not the good guy here?”

You could see it clearly now. Jung Hoseok had a distorted concept on what was right and wrong. He saw everything as black and white, his foundation was that he was good to those who were kind, yet he was even worse to those who were bad.

He enjoyed delivering his twisted justice.

“And if I’m the good guy, don’t I deserve the happily, ever after?” He whispered. You turned to look at him, his pupils blown wide evidencing his lust. He smiled at you before leaning in and kissing you so softly you thought it was your imagination. “I think I do, my sunshine. I think I deserve you.”

A knock woke you up from the twisted and hypnotic words from Hoseok. Your hour was done. You stood up hastily, fixing your skirt and blouse before facing him. Fuck, what had you done?

“I-I think…I think you need another doctor. This is our last meeting,” you stammered at the calm Jung Hoseok. He was sitting on the couch with his legs spread apart, his eyes focused on you. For the first time since you met him, he lost his smile. He looked dangerous. He was dangerous.

You should have listened to them.

Next week was his final hearing, and he already knew what would happen. He wasn’t a Jung for nothing. If you thought you would leave him that easy, you were in for a treat. He would be with you after his hearing. It would all be done. You would finally be in his arms each night. And it was that thought that calmed him down.

He only smirked, “See you next week…my sunshine.”

[alkaline-wtr]

Haappy May!! ☺️

(Found these on TikTok earlier and just thought I’d share them here!)

[healerelowen]

Hiii.. its me :]

First. HHHURRHHEGH haaPPY LATE BIRTHDAY IM SO SORRY i was scrollin in ur blog and when I noticed ur bday was last month i felt bad so, happy late bday :P

Ahh second, can request some hcs about Archivist with a reader whos just...completly over the heels for her? Just, a big simp. And would do anything for her. Feel free to ignore this and don't feel pressured to make this request :] have a great day/night.

Friend! You don’t need to feel bad, I will always accept late birthday wishes <3 

Secondly, I absolutely 100% feel this. Just head over heels for this amazing bot

ALSO! Thank you so much for answering my Unfinished Boss request! I did want to answer. I just completely forgot to reblog because I just loved it so much I thought I did but I didn't. But it’s amazing and I love it a lot!

Have a good rest of your day/night! 

The Archivist with a partner who is head over heels for her.

—-

The Archivist is certainly surprised the first time it becomes more prominent. However with time she grows around the gawking and starts using it to her advantage. 

Of course, she doesn’t do anything malicious with such feelings. More so lighthearted things like being able to fluster you much more easily or more sweetened teases make your heart skip a beat. 

When she notices the length of how far exactly you’re willing to go for her, as long as it doesn’t risk your health or anyone else’s, she truly doesn’t mind. In fact, she enjoys watching you antics from a distance all the while she smiles to herself as you stumble from one attempt of impressing her to the next. 

Her favorite thing to do is stealth around you while you’re busy with something, then she surprises you with her commenting on whatever you are doing. The flustered look on your face while you stammer to find the right words never fails to make her smile with her circuitry feeling all warm and fuzzy. 

Any and all gifts are precious and she takes very good care each and every one you give to her. From small trinkets to shiny jewelry. If you try to explain the intent behind the gift, she listens to every word you say. If she asks you, then she’s certainly amused when you begin to bashfully explain your intentions.

When it comes to physical affection, you have a full set. The Archivist loves any and all physical touch, but her favorite is kisses. As such, expect to be given kisses often. Where, what kind, and how many usually depends on her mood or yours. But usually she will give you forehead kisses when passing by you while she’s working and in more affectionate times, she will press little static kisses all around your face while she cups your cheeks with her cold, metallic hands. 

Overall, she admires how much you adore her and everything she does; related to her job or not. And she more than certainly loves rewarding such efforts with tender affection and sweet words~

[tobyfobywoahby]

i THOUGHT I TOLD YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALREADY HUH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

🎉🎉🎉

YOU FID I JSUT FOROGOTRD TO ANSNWE YAYYAYAA HAAPPY HE BRORN FS AAY

[carldstny]

When I am at my lowest part of my life, I was hopelessness and I think I will die that time, that was during the pandemic (Covid 19) it was so depressing hearing the news that days and people are afraid to get out of their houses. Everyone is panicking that time and me I don’t know what to do, I almost cannot eat three times a day and don’t have a proper sleeping time like sleeping around 4 to 5 am and waking up afternoon, I was so down that time didn’t know how to keep up with my anxiety and depression, and I cannot express my thoughts all I do is overthink and sometimes think of how things were different before than during that time, I always think that time what will happen to me and my family if things didn’t go well. And that time my girlfriend cheated on me her name was mikyla because I caught her and she only apologize because I caught her and I don’t know what to do with our relationships that time should I fix it or should I leave her and move on, I think it was my fault that time because she cheated, it is because I am not enough or maybe I lack something she wants in me. Then after some time I finally realize things leaving her that time was the best option no apology needed, if someone cheated on you it means that they no longer respect or afraid toloseyou.Because I didn't feel loved by anyone at the time, I learned how to skip home. And when I couldn't drink alcohol, my problems in life seemed to return, and it wasn't good; I realized that everything I did and the choices I made in life were bad. As a result, my addiction to the vice of the moment grew worse. I detested it as I thought back on my entire life. and I am aware that there is still time to make a fresh start. I was also mistaken because I disregarded my parents' advice, which I should have done. I realize that time that it is better to move on than be with a person who does not value you anymore, after that thing went well, I started moving on and luckily that time it is still quarantine, I use that time to coped up with things I think I couldn’t handle by myself, after all things that happened, I manage to catch up with what is happening around me and started looking after myself like taking bath a day and having proper diet like eating fruits and vegetables, I also started working out like jogging around our barangay every morning and playing basketball in our barangay silway 8 and to church ,and I also help myself to learn something new like cooking and learning some talents like playing guitar and drums because we have a church and I still don’t have ministry to it so it is a good thing that I learned drums. I also learned reading books and it started to become my habit to read books. The first book that I’ve read is the War bey Robert Greene, that book was all about tactics and learning the moves of your enemy, I became interested in the book because my goal is to become a better person once I comeback to the people after i distance myself so they can respect me. I also read that book because I think that will help me in the future once I become a police or soldier. After that things went well in my life my parents started praising me for coping with things.

Having some new friends also help me recover from my past mistakes and depression and time by time, my relationship with my new friends started to grow and bond like playing online games like mobile legends bang bang, call of duty mobile, pubg mobile and also computer games like dota, we could not yet met each other that time because its still lockdown,And I want to genuinely thank everyone who has supported me during the ups and downs of my life, especially my cycling companions who made my life brighter when I met you and my mother who always gave me advice. And now that I've had my fill, I promise to stay away from my prior bad behavior. Now that I've seen and connected with my friends I'm haappy , I realized that having some friendship with many people really push you up whenever you are down, having Friends prevent isolation and loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also: Increase your sense of belonging and purpose. Boost your happiness and reduce your stress. And also you need to choose what friends you want because it will also affect you and your behaviors especially when you always hand around with that people, because when hang around people with bad disciples and no manners you’ll eventually adapt it so its better to choose your circle of friends. The old saying that friends are like family is very true, because your closest friends are those that have been there for you through everything. You never have to worry about their intentions, or doubt their advice, because they always have your best interests at hear. You need a real friend is someone that you can rely on. You know that they will keep their plans with you. You know that you can rely on them to show up for you when you need it. Real friends are people that have proven they will show up for you in the past and will continue to do so because you are a priority to them. This is the key on coping up with things that you think is impossible to do, having some help with people is not a bad thing to do, though someone might not help you but will give you some life changing advice that will help you see things differently.

[absolutionlacuna]

Kazama laid there and cried, for a bit, chest heaving, hands shaking as his palms pushed into his face. Time passed by, and Kazama moved his hands away from his face, noting that the sun in the sky hadn’t shifted: could it move? He inhaled, grunting in agony, muscles still tense and aching, but he ignored this as he did his best to push up onto his side, onto his left arm.

Uneven breath left him, that sun ray burning down onto him, he usually wore layers, and normally the warmth didn’t affect him. But here, in this dimension, temperatures were different, that sun felt like it was going to boil him; jaw clenching, sweat dripping down his brow, Kazama let out a bitten back yell as he pushed onto his feet, stumbled.

Shrugged off his jacket, his gaze flicked around, noting that he was in some vast expanse of dirt, dark brown ground and some craggy jutted cliffs. A canyon? Stretched as far as the horizon and beyond it; his brows furrowed. Kazama draped that jacket over his own head, in an attempt to shield himself from that sun, and began to walk.

. . . .

. . . .

It must have been two hours, that he trudged along that canyon floor, mind sort of numbed, not entirely thinking. Not initially. Kazama was already trying to figure out a way to get back to Usagi and Michiru, not wanting to leave her alone with Asahi.

Quiet reigned, only sound being his boot falls against the earth, occasional shift of his jacket. No wind here, which only made that sun feel ever overbearing.

Then, he heard it.

Softly, at first, something he may have missed had he not been a full demon and had enhanced hearing.

Humming. Light, humming, at first Kazama had thought it were a woman, with the pitch and cadence, but upon closer inspection, he realised that it was a young child’s humming. Rounded a corner, Kazama caught sight of them.

Sitting against a boulder in the middle of the canyon, this androgynous figure was about 4′8″ in height, wearing all grey clothing. Their hair was matted, layered, covering their eyes, a dark brown, with specs of grey here and there. As Kazama rounded that corner, and spotted this figure, that child began to sing,

“You are my suunshine, my ooonly sunshiine! You make me! Haappy! When skies are grey~,”  their voice was neither female nor male in pitch, just high, happy sounding, “You’ll never know dear, how much I loved you! Please! Don’t taake!”

Kazama stopped not far from that boulder now, and they stopped their singing. Silence again. Kazama’s left hand moved, instinctively, down to his tessaiga, but stopped, feeling that sheathe empty. Lips thinned, Kazama watched as the young child swivelled around on the boulder, to face him.

“Hello!” it was chipper, like they were old chums. Kazama just kept staring, brow lifting somewhat, lips still in that evened line. The young child smiled, and it widened quicker than Kazama had anticipated, but was gentle all the same.

“What are you.”

Their head canted some, voice lilting, “Not who are you. Interesting: you’re perceptive!” slid off that boulder, so gracefully, bare feet gingerly flat along the ground. Kazama didn’t even blink, and they were now a step or two away from him. Wha-- He hadn’t sensed--

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Inuyasha.” they extended their right arm to the side, before sweeping it grandly and pressing it to their chest as they gave Kazama a deep bow,

“You may call me Des.”

[brave-symphonia]

Have you read the manga for demon slayer if so, what did you think of the ending ?

I've read the manga. I caught up a few weeks before the ending and I honestly liked the ending.

It was a nice happy ending for everyone that survived, and I liked seeing the descendants of the main characters being haappy.

There's also the idea that there's some kind of reincarnation there, letting everyone that died experience happy lives, which is also nice.

Overall, I enjoyed the ending and thought it was good, despite what I had heard a lot of people say about it.

[kakashibestie]

HAAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY thank you for being so thoughtful and kind and supportive

dude thank YOU hello you've literally...helped me through sm and im glad we're friends <3

[glass-closet]

Hi Sera :) So both panels yesterday were amazing! I was so happy (and relieved). One thing that stuck out to me was during the gold panel when the Js were talking about their kids...I mean, their comments? Things happening that weren't the plan, having to "match" the number of kids...wow. From a tinhat perspective, it just sounded like they were bitching about how that all went down. (Not that that's to say they don't love their kids, of course). But it just cracked me up. Have a good day!

Anon: Hi Sera! I know that you don’t like to talk about the children but seeing the gold panel I’d noticed that Jared wasn’t really “haappy” about his  newborn child… I don’t know I find it really odd, thoughts?. okay, that’s all… have a happy week!

Hello, lovely people!

These two panels had the strangest vibe when they mentioned the kids. I’m going to put my opinions below the cut. I know a lot of people don’t want this stuff on their dashboards, so I’ll spare them.

This might not be entirely pleasant. Consider yourselves warned!

(1:18) Here is the kids mention from the gold panel. Jared starts talking about how a lot has happened since their last convention and his voice actually seems to break a little when he starts to say “I have yet another reason to…” before Jensen interrupts him to lighten up the mood and saves him. The awkward clapping and Jensen’s serious expression lead me to believe that this is not an entirely happy thing for them. Luckily, the atmosphere lightens up when they move on to talking about the show and Nesnej. Jensen looking out for his boy, ladies and gentlemen!

(3:51) A fan congratulates Jared and he says “I think you meant condolences.” Jensen quickly takes over and reveals that it wasn’t “the plan” to have three kids. They look like they try to make a joke out of it, but Jensen’s stony face tells another story.

I wonder how serious Jared was when he said him and G needed to catch up. I know many think that the beards are competetive, and the theory does certainly seem to have a solid base.

Frankly, I have this theory that G coerced Jared to allowing her another kid because D got an “extra” one. She could have held something over Jared, like perhaps her signature on divorce papers or something of that sort. To support my theory, I present Jared’s absolute lack of mention of the P&S campaign on the panels, his strange statements about becoming a father again and him spending three days out once they presumably came back to Austin with Odette. Also, don’t forget that he told bar patrons about the baby before G’s official annoucement was due.

Jared has been behaving strangely in regards to the child a couple of months now and he’s given reigns of his social media to an outsider. While I do think that he loves the kid, I don’t believe for a moment that it was his idea to have her. I also don’t think he’s responsible for using his kids as advertising faces for G’s blog and P&S. Sure, he allows it, but I really don’t think it was his idea.

Jared and G have also acted weirdly around each other. I trust you saw the video? What about Jared’s serious face on that family manip? The relentless marketing of G’s blog that he doesn’t even do himself? It doesn’t look like they’re seriously pushing the happy family image - it looks more like they’re preparing for a divorce and creating and trail of clues that can be later drawn together to see how they were unhappy.

In the midst of this P&S mess, the J’s seem to have been celebrating something. Have they now fulfilled their bearding contracts and are they free to file for divorces? Or are they perhaps making up for the missed anniversary, assuming they missed the date in the first place? I hope it’s the former, but it could be something else entirely. It’s not even necesarily celebrating, who knows!

Oh well! That’s my beans on the matter. I hope you both have a lovely day and a sunny week! Thank you for messaging me! Let’s see what happens next.

PS: If you are a random person who just stumbled across to read this, remember that this is speculation and I’m not an all-seeing oracle that knows the future. ;)

[friendsorlovers]

7am thoughts

[the-empathetic-daydreamer]

I never realized how good pride would feel, or even does feel. that is until I tasted it. It was a deliacy like none other, even freedom did not truly compare. Yes the wind in my face and arms outstretched to the universe meant something but it wasnt that simple. It was more substantial than that. Freedom wasnt simple and yet pride truly was. Peace was simple whereas haappiness wasnt. I had all of these concepts backwards in my mind. And now, I dont.

I cannot articulate or process everything ai have felt lately and according to advice from my counselor perhaps it is better not to. Maybe an oversimplied concept is good enough for now, until I write my book... which i will write.

I have spent 30 plus years of my life being shamed and giving away power and pride. I now have these things. I cower only to one and it will stop. Sooner than later. But pride... its more than just thinking u are a badass or knowing you can be unstopable or have potential. It is feeling the blood in your veins and knowing the smile on your face is one of the most powerful things you own. Its way more though... Its knowing your worth. And pushing your limits. Growing. Feeling. Loving. Its so much. So much I cant even describe because except for perhaps 2 other times in my life, minus the birth of my 3 chikdren, I have pride in myself. And yet because I am more secure in my ide tity i am also not basing my happiness on these things or only feeling pride because I did something. For once, the first time ever... my pride is literally because I am me not bc i achieved greatness or was fearless or something. I wish I could express it and someday i will be able to, but for now I savor it.

I savor the self pride and the happiness and joy of life. And living in the moment as often as i can push or redirect my mind to.

My life isnt simple... nope... but many things in my mind are VERY clear. Ive never felt such purpose and direction before let alone confidence. That is freeing. In the beginnibg of my journey i thought being yourself was where true freedom was laid, but now i think that its far more extreme. in many ways Its loving yourself. or loving yourself enough to let yourself, and all the monsters u think are in there, free. Again, i am not able to articulate well enough because I still cant wrap my mind aroubd it. Everything this year has blown my mind. And the happiness I feel now and the fullfillment... no one can take away exceot me. And i will not let her. Maybe thats the fun in being so complex... at any given moment i can choose who i want to be and keep pushing myself further and dreaming harder. No im not bat shit crazy, im deprived and insatisfiabke and i have a life that i will not squander and i have people who need all if me in various forms. I choose. I move. I live. For someone with major control issues it all makes sense to me now... esoecially the fear and deoendency. So much does. But no i dont want to analyze. I just want to be, savor, experience. For right now thats what im going to do. I know Im proud of mysekf. I know I am lived. I know so much of my purpose. I know so much and I know I dont know so much. And Im proud. To have been given so many second chances and to ve so blessed. and for once I am proud to be Sara and even stand a tiny bit taller when my name is said because this strength didnt come easily and neither did looking myself in the mirror. All i can tell you is the day you learnwhat prude, trust, happiness, and peace are... those are the days that you begin to truly wake up and live.

[persephonesdeadflowers]

A Letter

How do you begin such a personal letter to yourself and to those who’ve impacted your life to the point of breaking? It’s a letter to heal myself, to finally start to let go because God knows I’ve never let go of anything in my life. 

I’m a hoarder of feelings, emotions, memories. Good or bad. Mostly bad I suppose. The good gets pushed back to a corner. It’s human nature, in a sense, to bring to the forefront all the negative connotations in our lives. But my oh my is it damaging in the long run. It’s cutting really, tiny fragments of glass that cut at your mind, your heart, your soul slowly, constantly, in the bigger picture of life. A shattered glass bowl, the ornate design lost forever.

 To digress, I don’t believe I’ve been happy since I was a little girl. A part of me felt even then that she wasn’t enough. Imagine that, a child thinking she wasn’t enough for the world. Cruel stuff, such an ugly mindset. I was never the pretty fragile little girl with the cute pigtailed hair or the sweet smile. I was never tiny either. I was a heavyset child with such a complexity issue and an already growing bad relationship with food. Food was a comfort but also a punishment. There was never a balance. Being a big girl comes with it’s immediate downfalls. I was taunted, in some ways tormented. Maybe I don’t remember much of what was said because I’ve long since tried to forget, and succeded. But I still remember crying, eating and crying, eating and crying. My body issues most definitely began here, at the tender ages of development. My feelings of worthlessness and insecurity took hold. I became a shy, quiet older child. A drastic change from the young child that participated in school plays, was in choir, wasn’t afraid to speak in public. At age 9 I didn’t think I’d made it past the age of 18. I’m not going to ever deny that I had suicidial thoughts at age 9. Age 9. Some of my exhuberance for life lost before I’d even been in this world for a decade. I felt the world was against me, that even God himself hated me. That I should have never had even been born. That this world was better off without me. How I wish I could go back and hug that little girl, and tell her she was wrong for thinking like that. She could have used that.

As we move on, through early adolesence, I can’t say I rememeber much. It becomes a blur. They were stupid times, not much sticks. But I know I got worse. I felt even uglier, with my appearance, my way of thinking. Growing pains they say. Pains indeed. I was 12 when I had my first true depressive episode. At the time I didn’t know what it was, all I remember is feeling very sad, at loss for wanting to do anything I liked doing. A simple explanation really. Coupled with already already present issues and well, it was a lot for me to handle. Somehow I managed to pull through. At least I think I did, I really don’t know for certain that I ever did. Like mentioned before I don’t rememeber much from these years, in terms of what came to break me later on anyways. 

Now this isn’t only a letter to myself, but also to some others. Partially to blame, to forgive, and to let go. And it’s also an apology. I won’t use names, but that’s not important. I know who I’m speaking about, all you need to do is read. 

Hey there Curly, I wasn’t sure if I should have included you on here, you’ve long since been forgiven. And I don’t consider you a point in my breaking. I think the love I had for you covered the fact that you did hurt me even a little. What broke us apart? A petty fight was it? It amuses me a little even now. I still wish it had never happened. We were the best of friends, attacthed at the hip. So very obviously good for one another, at least at that time long passed. This an apology, I’m sorry for that fight. I wish we’d made up. I know 14 year old me would have loved that, as much as she thought she loved you. But I don’t regret the way things happened with you. As I write this I don’t actually think you meant that much. But I was a little girl with a stupid cruch on her best friend. Oh the cliche. So yeah you made me cry, but you weren’t the worst. And I apologize because I never knew if I hurt you. You couldn’t deny that you liked me even a little bit too when we fell apart. I’m sorry, and I still remember you fondly. 

Now, Pretty Eyes, you were the first. By that I mean the first to bring me to tears over the fact that I didn’t understand why you stopped being my friend out of the blue. Had it been something I said, something I said? I know that friendships don’t last forever, especially not school friendships. But we didn’t fall apart naturally or even for a reason that I could have apologized for. And even then, I did ask or forgiveness. You left me without the person I felt closest too. And for no reason. Pretty Eyes, I know you think I’m being stupid. It was so long ago, and yeah I get that, but I never got closure. And you ended up pushing me into a friendship with a girl that left me in a far worse state than you ever did. I think that’s the real issue of why I don’t rememeber you with a pink light. Becasue you were the catalyst of my destrucion. And you never even found out. I forgive you for what you did, but I don’t think I forgive you for what ended up happening because of you. But I wish you the best, for you and your son. 

Dear ex-whatever, potential boyfriend that never was, Idiot. Idiot, way harsh right? It’s really the only way I can refer to you, even if it’s not so nice. I can’t believe I thought you loved me. Such naitivity, such foolishness. I should have said no to even being your friend. Becasue we could never be just friends. There was too much dynamic, I could never explain it, and even now it makes no sense to me as to why it had to be you. There was no neutrality. It was love or it was hate. I guess I was so enchanted, blindly enchanted. Now I know I was an out for something you didn’t want. That poor girl, no wonder she seemed to hate me. Come on now, I was even called a homewrecker for God’s sake.  But you loved me didn’t you? That was sarcasm by the way. You loved eveything about me. My brashness, the way I spoke my mind, even the way I looked. But it wasn’t love, it was lust. I was a challenge for you. So different from the other girls and you had to have me. Ever the hunter, huh? And you played the part so well. You made me feel like I was the everything in your life. You put me on a pedestal. I’m not going to deny that It felt amazing. Feeling that I was your goddess, something sacred, an alter on which you swore your life to. The higher you are the worse the fall so they say. It’s true. I lived it. I was stupid. And it broke my heart. You broke my heart and then you stepped on it. Couldn’t you tell that my brashness, my fight, was all a front? That I was vulnerable and soft and full of love. I wanted to love you so much, to give you what I had never given to anyone before. A sweet affection that I never thought I could give to anyone. But that wasn’t your goal. Oh sure you played the part, but you were acting, you never wanted what I presumed you did.I tricked myself into loving you, that’s what I know now. But it was doomed from the beginning. I always knew it, but I ignored it. I shouldn’t have. It messed me up. But what was I to you really? Did you think that if I became your girlfriend you could sleep with me? You were wrong there. And so you tired of me. You started to push me away. Slowly then all at once. I never got closure from you, you didn’t think I deserved it. I would have understood. I liked you that much, and I would have readily accepted just being your friend. I wanted the best for you. Even if it wasn’t me. I cried for weeks. I didn’t eat. I wanted you back, some crazy part of me wanted you back. Thank God it never happened.  Two years had to pass before I could feel like I could even begin to think about someone new that way, in a true romantic sense. Even then I still think they’d want me just to sleep with me. Which makes no sense, it’s not like I’m some beauty.  Idiot, Idiot, Idiot, if only you’d stuck by me and actually cared. I would have given you the world, bent the rules and not cared about a single thing. But no. No, no, no. And oh, look, it was no secret, but you so had a thing with SheSnake, my own bestfriend. Both of you, disgusting. I don’t for one second wish I could have you back, you are so long gone from my heart like that, I’d never take you back even if you begged. Screw you for having done that. I forgive you for teaching me that not all that shines is valuable, but screw you for being my fool’s gold. I wish you well, but I never want to see you again. 

SheSnake. You at one point were a sister to me. You and I, so alike yet so different. Pretty Eyes pushed me into you. You took me in when you saw how desolate I was at losing her. For that I am thankful. I’m thankful for the frienship you gave me for two years. We seemed to have a forged a bond stronger than anything. I loved you so very dearly you stuppid girl. I was there for you throught your ups and downs. And you were there for me to. When you neede someone to cry to I was your shoulder to cry on. You became my sister so very quickly, how I wish you never had. I was happy to be there for you. When Big Head wanted you as his girl, man did I hype you up. I wanted him to be happy, I wanted you to be haappy. I didn’t see your faults, how you would ultimately breaak him. Or maybe I did, but I just didn’t want to admit it. But that’s his story to tell or keep. What you did to him, it’s not for me to judge you on, even if I was in the midst of it all. But let me tell you something. If it hadn’t been for me, there would have been no you or him. In a way I feel so bad for knowing that. I could have spared him the heartache.  There was always cracks between us. You made me feel bad about myself from time to time, yes you were qucki to say sorry, but it was meaningless. I heard your whispers. You were the one that began to call me a homewrecker. You claimed it was all igood fun, but a friend doesn’t do that to her friend. You would whisper about how no one would ever actually love me, that I could never find anyone. That I’d end up alone. Some of this you even said to me, “jokingly” of course. But it wasn’t a joke to you was it. I still hear your words loud and clear in my head, even today. I don’t comprehend how I stayed through that. It wasn’t healthy. But at some point I guess I ddin’t have much a choice socially. I needed someone. I should have known it would end badly with when the Two came along. It seemed like it would be good. We’d be four, no longer just us two. It was the worse thing ever. Was The Frist threatened by me that she ad to instigate what finally broke us? And you, how could you believe her? Well, plainly speaking, you did call me a homwewrecker, it would make sense that you thought I was the one that broke you and Big Head up the second time, or had it been the third time? . But how stupid, I know you had to lie to youerslef to belive that. But it worked. You convicned yourself that I was a slut, a whore, a boyfriend stealer. Please, if I had wanted Big Head I could have so had him for myself without you ever getting into the picture. And that’s not even to brag, it’s just some truth on the matter. But I could have never done that to you. Even if you had done it to me.You didn’t even have the guts to confront me. How I wish I had taken the lead in that. How I still wish I could have yeled at you ancd yelled and yelled. I wanted to scream at you so badly. Over what I don’t exactly know, but maybe just e verything. But you got what you wanted. I lost all the friends I had and you had everyone believe that what you were saying was true. Thank God there wasonly two weeks of hell left if not I think I would have cracked. Cracked sooner anyways. Because of you, damn, because of you I think is why I hold so much resentment in my head. Sometimes when I cry, I cry over your betrayal. And your words, all of them. I only want to see you once more. Just to slap you. Just once. Let’s hope I never do. But I forgive you, stupid girl, may life never treat you the way you’ve ever treated everyone else. God knows you have your own issues you need to work through. I even feel sorry for you. 

And back to me. I’ve been of no help to myself either. Always hating myself, what’s the good in that? At one point supressing all my feelings because I thought I was weak if I had feelings. Where’s the weakness in showing vulnerability. How messed up to think that way. And on top of that to starve yourself because you just wanted to be skinny. It’s such a nasty habit and I still have it. I still have it. As I write this I’ve only had one meal because I feel like I need to punish myself for being depressed, for having anxiety attacks, for being a bundle of nerves and stress. I can’t forgive myself for being so broken as a person.  I’m sorry mother and father, that you have to let those close to you know that I’m depressed, that you have to whisper it when you say it, that you have to look at me a little differently now. But you should have known. And yet you don’t know it all. For the few friends I have right now, those that truly care, I’m sorry if I get into any weird moods or if I cease contact. It’s all a little to much for me sometimes. Boyfriend, I’m sorry if I’m a little too much, you might not want to handle it. I wish I could be someone else for you. I want to get through this and be everything for you, because you deserve that more than anyone that I’ve met in my life. But should you chose to ever leave I would never blame you. And I forgive you for thinking you could ever fail me, I’ve failed you more I think. I’ll always love you, and I should have waited for you instead of thinking there could ever be another. I’ll always love you, and I think I always have loved you. It makes no sense to not see it that way. It’s rough right now, but I don’t want to give up on you and I don’t want you to give up on me. Yet there’s no pressure, in the end, I’ll be here, whatever you want. 

This is the end of this letter because there’s not much more than I can write. My self feels less .... burdened because finally I’ve put it out in words to the world about some reasons why I am the way I am. It’s not the end. But it’s a begging to the end. I will get through this. One day I will love myself the way I should and put it allbehind me and move forward like I want to. Changes, changes. It’s the process of letting go. The first letter of many.