#hahahaha this is just like all those other nights i hold nyself back from doing something stupid
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I wanted to be sober for my mom's birthday tomorrow. So rather than getting high I got drunk! Smart choice!!!
#diary#personal#alcohol#high#self harm#seriously tho. like. being high is better than drunk bc i can just pass out for like 7h and still feel my memory fucked the next day.#but when im drunk i still *unfortunately* exist. so like. i wanna cut so bad bc i tend to when drunk. but like i wont ig#man i hate existing. i think this is why im not sober like ever lately. i just. dont wanna exist so this is the next best thing.#so long as i cant really function im happy tbh#disordered eating#!!! i ate too much today. i had cookies n baking and pizza. fuck i hate it. im also gonna eat a lot tomorrow how anoying#Oh but i should get some candy to eat while high tomorrow!!! how fucking nice#suicidal ideation#god i wanna just fucking die lately. like. drugs are the only alternative i think. idk.#like from the time im awake i basicslly hate it. and while im intoxicated i wanna actively off myself.#hahahaha this is just like all those other nights i hold nyself back from doing something stupid#man this is gonna become my new normal lmao.#im planning on getting so fucking high tomorrow night#i cant fucking handle being sober i hate it. i just hate it all its too much so im self medicating lmao#im sorry to all ppl i talk to. you sure as hell wont be getting a sober person to talk to anytime soon#lmao fucking hell i hate myself so fucking much. haha. fuck.#drunk
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