That Which We Are, We Are | Nathan MacKinnon | Chapter 6
gif credit @/joeydaccord
A/N: IT'S THE AFTERMATH Y'ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR
Nate wasn’t going to let Sorcha get away with what she’d done. Not by a long shot. So after he rushed through his house, put a comb through his hair, brushed his teeth, gargled some mouth wash, and changed into some respectable clothes, he packed Cox into his car and headed for Halifax.
His jaw was clenched in anger the entire drive into the city. They’d had such a great night together, eating and dancing and talking about hip-hop music, getting closer and telling each other things from deep in their hearts, and then she up and leaves? Just flat-out escapes his house undetected with her dog and books it back home somehow, even though they’re in the middle of fucking nowhere? Sure, the sex was definitely unexpected, and a by-product of how much alcohol they’d consumed, but…well…despite all the wine, Nate knew what he was doing when he kissed her. He knew what he was doing when he groped her or squeezed her ass. He’d acted on impulse but he’d been wanting to do it for a while.
It was still fairly early in the morning when he arrived at her place, and when he did, he banged on the door loudly. He wasn’t going to hide his emotions. They were open and honest with each other from the beginning, and he was going to be open and honest now. He banged on the door again after a few seconds when she didn’t answer, and his impatience got the best of him as he pounded again not long after. Maybe she was ignoring him now. Because she had to have known that he’d be angry at her escape. Maybe she was—
—Wait.
Juno wasn’t barking. If he knew anything about German shepherds and Juno specifically, he knew she would bark at the door. She wasn’t.
Sorcha wasn’t home.
He swore under his breath before marching back to his car. He hit the steering wheel in frustration and let out a loud “Fuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!” to try and release some steam. He took out his phone to call her. It rang until it went to voicemail. He called again immediately after, only for it to ring until it went to voicemail again. When he called for a third time, it rang only twice before going to voicemail, which meant she saw his name appear on Caller ID and refused the call.
Well, at least she was fucking alive.
Nate huffed and puffed as he started his car. He knew that she had to come back to her apartment from wherever she was at some point, but he wasn’t going to stake it out like some sort of undercover cop. He had better shit to do, like think about other ways he could try to contact her and ask her what the fuck was going on. Work email? Texts? Those could all be ignored. Those could also be used against him in a court of law, so they were nixed. More phone calls, maybe? Whatever Nate ended up choosing, he knew that she was at least going to get a rude awakening at work on Monday morning, that was for sure. Until then, he knew that his temper couldn’t get the best of him. He knew that he needed to calm down and actually think about what he was going to say to her besides just yelling and screaming. He began the drive to his parents’ house, knowing that just their presence alone would be able to calm him down. Plus, it was prime breakfast time. Maybe he’d talk to his dad about it, and he’d give some wise words of advice. He always did.
As Nate drove out to Cole Harbour, the streets of the neighbourhood he grew up in were all too familiar to him. Even them alone calmed him, since they brought back so many happy memories. As he turned on to his parents’ street, he drove by many of the houses of his friends from elementary school. He still remembered them all, even though friends had moved out long ago and only parents really remained. Caitlin’s house. Alex’s house. David’s house. Sorcha’s house. Ryan’s house. Scott’s house.
Sorcha’s house.
Sorcha’s house!!!
He stopped so fast and heavy on the brake pedal that his tired screeched. He put his car in reverse and backed up until he was right in front of their house, where he could see two cars out on the driveway. One, a BMW SUV, he knew for sure was her step-dad’s. The other, a black Civic, he knew for a fact was Sorcha’s. She’d mentioned it before.
The absolute nerve.
He parked in the driveway right behind her car, less than a centimetre from her bumper so she had no way out, at least by car. He took a deep breath to calm himself before getting out of the car and approaching the front door. He knocked politely instead of banging on the door like he did at her apartment, and almost immediately, he heard Juno barking.
Bingo.
After a few moments, he heard the front door unlock. When it opened, he came face-to-face with Dr. Dagar and Juno sniffing at his legs. Dr. Dagar’s face lit up at who was standing on his front porch. Clearly he watched hockey, or at the very least, remembered Nate. “Well look who it is!” he smiled.
“Hello Mr. Ibrahim,” Nate said politely. “How are you?”
“I’m doing well now that I see an NHL superstar on my front door,” he joked.
Nate chuckled. “I’m sorry to bother you this early – I’m sure you and Mrs. Ibrahim are having breakfast—”
“—we are,” Dr. Dagar said. “Would you like to join us?”
“Oh no no no, I couldn’t—”
“—nonsense! You actually came at the perfect time. Sorcha is here too,” he revealed. “She’s mentioned you recently reconnected. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you at the breakfast table,” he said, moving out of the way so Nate could step in to the foyer. “What brings you here, anyway?”
Sure she wouldn’t mind him at the breakfast table, eh? Nate would bet his entire earnings on the opposite of that being true. Regardless, Nate had to be quick on his feet. “Oh, well, we were actually hanging out the other day and she forgot something—and—and I was going to wait until I saw her again, but I figured she probably needed it sooner, and I was on my way to visit my parents, and—”
“—Say no more. Come, come, come,” Dr. Dagar motioned. Nate took off his shoes and followed Dr. Dagar through the house. For how long they lived there, and for how long Nate and Sorcha had been in school together, he’d never been inside the house. It was nice, and very homey, and reminded him a lot of the house he grew up in. There were pictures of the family smiling everywhere in frames. Juno trotted along beside them, and Nate could hear Mrs. Ibrahim and Sorcha talking.
When he showed up in the doorway, her face dropped. “Hello,” he smiled, more so at Mrs. Ibrahim than at Sorcha.
“We have a guest!” Dr. Dagar announced, extending his arms like a magician.
“Oh! Nathan! It’s you!” Mrs. Ibrahim exclaimed happily, getting up from her seat and walking straight over to him for a hug. “How are you? Come in, come in! Take a seat!”
“I’m sorry to show up unannounced—”
“—Nonsense! Sit! We have more than enough,” she said, even going so far as to pull out a seat from him, directly across from Sorcha, who was giving him a death glare. “Do you like scrambled eggs, Nathan? We have turkey bacon, too, because Dagar doesn’t eat pork, of course.”
“Both sound great, Mrs. Ibrahim.”
“It’s Maryanne, Nathan. You know that.”
“I think if my parents found out I called you anything besides Mrs. Ibrahim they’d smack me upside the head,” he joked.
Both Dr. Dagar and Mrs, Ibrahim let out hearty laughs. Sorcha was still giving him a death glare. Clearly there was no charming her, despite not needing to be charmed – it was her who would have to explain herself sooner rather than later. “How are Graham and Kathy doing? We see them every so often walking the goldens. Do they come visit you in Colorado?”
“They’re doing great, thanks for asking,” Nathan said as he watched Maryanne scoop heaps of scrambled eggs onto his plate. He made sure he looked at Sorcha’s plate and saw she was already done her breakfast. He planned to scarf his down so they could get out of there as soon as possible. “And yeah, they come visit quite often. Not as often as when I first started living alone, but—well, you know—”
“Can you believe Nate still didn’t know how to boil pasta at, like, 21?” were the first words out of Sorcha’s mouth since he walked into the Ibrahim household. “He was telling me one night at dinner.”
Before Mr. or Mrs. Ibrahim could say anything, Nate piped up, knowing he’d have to take the shot until he was able to get Sorcha alone. “I was a spoiled hockey player, what can I say,” he shrugged playfully, looking at her. “Not as good a cook as you are. That panzanella you made yesterday was incredible.”
Sorcha’s face dropped. Checkmate. He wasn’t fucking around.
“Oh! You two hung out yesterday?” Mrs. Ibrahim looked between the two. “How lovely! What did you do?”
“We just hung out at my place on Grand Lake,” Nate answered quickly, before Sorcha could lie. He watched as she squirmed in her seat.
“What did she forget that you have to return?” Dr. Dagar asked.
“Juno’s kennel,” he said. He wasn’t lying – she really did forget the kennel, and it was in the trunk of his car.
“Well, it’s nice to see you two reconnecting,” Mrs. Ibrahim said. “All those years in elementary and high school together – even growing up on the same street – and you never became friends.”
“Yeah. We have so much in common that we never realized. I think we’re making up for lost time now,” Nate replied, eyeing Sorcha. “Don’t you think?”
She was going to kill him. “Absolutely.”
Nate carried on a polite conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Ibrahim until he stuffed the last forkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth. Sorcha stayed silent for most of it, eyeing Nate whenever he said something. It was only when Mr. and Mrs. Ibrahim began clearing the table and bringing everything to the kitchen that they got even a few seconds alone. “So are we going to talk or what?” Nate asked quickly.
“Do we have to?”
He rolled his eyes. He didn’t think she would have this immaturity in her. He would have to call the shots here. “Looks like I’m coming over yours when we’re done here,” he said.
“Nate, would you like some coffee, dear?” Mrs. Ibrahim called out from the kitchen.
“We’ve both gotta go, mom,” Sorcha said. “Nate does workouts in the mornings with Andy O’Brien.”
“Are you saying that name as if we should know who he is?” Dr. Dagar asked.
Sorcha smiled – a real, genuine smile for her step-dad. “No. Sorry dad. Don’t worry. But Nate’s gotta go.”
Nate and Sorcha said their goodbyes, and Mr. and Mrs. Ibrahim gave him warm hugs and told him to say hello to his parents, because of course they did, because they were good people, before he descended down the front porch steps. Sorcha followed him with Juno on a leash. It was only when they got to his car, parked on the street, that she said anything. They were far enough away that her parents wouldn’t hear her. “I guess I’ll see you at mine?” she asked as he popped his trunk.
“Of course. You’re not getting away with this,” he told her.
“I was hoping I could.”
“And why is that?”
Sorcha didn’t answer. She pulled Juno’s kennel out of his trunk and didn’t even meet his eye. “You remember your way, yeah?”
“Duh. It was just fucking yesterday, Sorsh.”
She didn’t say another word. Instead, she carried the kennel to her car, shoved it in the trunk, and loaded Juno into the backseat carrier. Nate watched the whole thing until he saw Sorcha walk over to the driver’s side and wave goodbye at her parents. Nate waved too before getting into his car. He drove off without waiting for Sorcha.
They arrived at her apartment at the same time. And without saying a word, they got out of their cars. Juno was none the wiser, wagging her tail at Nate. It was only when Sorcha stuck her key in the door that Juno became preoccupied with something else. When Nate followed Sorcha through the doorway and stepped through the entrance, he was surprised at how big and open her apartment was. He knew she described it as a loft, but he felt like a lot of people said ‘loft’ when they really just meant ‘big window’. This wasn’t that – this was a true loft. And the first thing that he noticed wasn’t the kitchen or the view or anything like that. It was the art. Her art. Scattered everywhere. Some hanging on the wall. Some on easels. Some stacked against a wall. Some sketches taped with painter’s tape. And they were beautiful, too – some portraits and others landscapes, so colourful and creative and beautiful.
“Wow,” Nate mumbled under his breath.
“What?” Sorcha deadpanned.
He hesitated, wondering if he should even bring it up. When he first asked about seeing her art many weeks ago, at their oyster dinner, she’d said “maybe” and that was it. There hadn’t been an invitation since – not that Nate asked or pestered her about it, though she’d brought up her art since then. Nate knew art was personal and for Sorcha specifically, it was an outlet where she could express herself after years of not being able to. “Your art,” he said, pointing haphazardly towards a stack of canvases on the furthest wall. “You’ve never let me see it before. It's incredible.”
“Thanks,” Sorcha said, her voice tight. “It was all I was doing in my sketchbooks while your friends were making whale sounds every time they saw me.”
Nate’s body stiffened. After Shane’s asinine behaviour last week at his house, Nate didn’t know when he’d not be able to cringe or get angry anytime someone brought up a memory from the past. “Sorsh, I—”
“—Don’t—I—it’s okay,” she waved him off. “That was—I don’t even know what I was thinking saying that. Just forget I said it.”
Nate stared at her, and in a gentle voice, he asked, “So are we gonna talk?”
It was the first time since Nate reconnected with her that Sorcha looked nervous. “What’s there to talk about?” she asked. He could tell she was attempting to make her voice sound void of emotion, but he knew that wasn’t the case. “We were two drunk idiots who had sex. It’s not that deep.”
Nate furrowed his brows. “What’s your deal?” he demanded. “Why would you say something like that?”
It was time for Sorcha to give him a look. “Because it’s true?” she said. “What else would it be? I freaked out, okay? I’ll admit that. I woke up at like three in the morning with a pounding headache and with you lying beside me in bed, and I freaked out. I grabbed my clothes, grabbed Juno, and got the hell outta dodge. And maybe it wasn’t the smartest decision to make, but it was the decision I made—”
“Sorsh, come ooonnn,” he lamented, walking towards her so they were now close. Nate couldn’t believe she was being so dense. But then a thought suddenly entered his mind. “Wait…” he said. “That wasn’t…that wasn’t your first time having sex, was it?”
If the beauty of Helen of Troy’s face could launch a thousand ships, then the scowl on Sorcha’s could have launched a million. “Oh, fuck off, Nathan!” she screamed. “Of course that wasn’t my first time, you idiot!!!”
“Then why are you freaking out so much?!” he demanded. “Why are you straight up refusing to talk to me?!”
“We were two drunk idiots, Nate. That’s it,” she said – trying to say it definitively. “We slept together because we were two drunk idiots.”
“I didn’t sleep with you because we were two drunk idiots,” he said. “I slept with you because I like you, Sorcha. Because I’m into you.”
They let the words hang in the air as they stared at each other with strained looks on their faces – Nate because he’d just revealed what he revealed to Sorcha, and Sorcha because…well, for all her confidence, there was still some shock in hearing the words be said out loud. “You’re what?” she asked.
“Do I have to spell it out?”
“Did you just say out loud that you’re into me?”
“I haven’t made it obvious in the past weeks?” Nate countered. “Every lunch or dinner we’ve had, every walk, inviting you up to my place…you honestly had no idea?”
“Nate…come on,” she almost begged. “I—you—you can’t be serious.”
“Why wouldn’t I be serious about this?”
It was clear to Sorcha that Nate wasn’t joking – he was being completely serious. She knew what her feelings were, and now? To hear his too? That they were the same feelings she was having, the same feelings she’d felt for weeks? She didn’t think it was possible. She knew they had a lot in common now, that everything was going fine and dandy, but this? This? And it wasn’t because she didn’t think she was worthy of romantic feelings from Nathan MacKinnon – she knew she was totally worthy – it was because she didn’t think he’d ever say it. It was one thing to have feelings for the fat girl; it was another to admit it out loud. Usually people hid their feelings out of embarrassment, feeling shame for having feelings for someone that society didn’t deem conventionally attractive. But not Nate. The urge within her to deflect momentarily became stronger than her will to accept. “I don’t think I—”
Sorcha wasn’t able to finish her thought because Nate had kissed her. It was like those scenes in movies where couples were fighting and one of them shut the other up with a kiss. Except she and Nate weren’t a couple. Sorcha always thought that if that ever happened to her, she’d push the person away and yell at them for interrupting her. She still believed she would if it were anyone else besides Nate. With Nate, she didn’t. She didn’t push, she didn’t pull away, she didn’t do anything except kiss him back after quickly getting over the initial shock. His lips felt just as nice as they did last night. And she wanted his lips on hers. She did.
When Nate pulled away, their foreheads still together keeping them close, Sorcha gulped. “That felt good.”
Nate kissed her again, knowing she’d enjoy it. This time, instead of taking time to acclimatize, she kissed him back right away. They kissed again for a while before Sorcha pulled away. “I don’t think I should be hooking up with a guy who was complicit in my bullying,” she mumbled.
Nate kissed her again. He knew that was a lie. That she was just making up excuses so she could hear the sound of her own voice. So she could justify to herself…what exactly? She said she forgave him a long time ago. Twice. Three times, Nate thought.
Sorcha broke away again, far enough to look at Nate. “I didn’t mean that,” she mumbled again.
“I know you didn’t,” he said. “Will you just shut up and let me kiss you now?”
They kissed each other. Over and over and over. Over and over and over until Nate had to take a breath, over and over until Sorcha had to take a breath, over and over until she jumped and sat on her counter, over and over until Nate stood between her legs, over and over until their hands wandered along each other’s bodies, over and over until Sorcha ran her hands through Nate’s hair, over and over until – finally – they needed to take a serious breather or else they’d both pass out from a lack of oxygen.
Their foreheads were still pressed against each other’s. They were silent – only able to hear the sounds of their own breathing – before Sorcha spoke. “This isn’t much of a talk.”
Nate snorted, and Sorcha giggled, and soon they were laughing at the ridiculousness of her comment. “I think we’re doing pretty okay,” he commented.
“I’ll say.”
They were silent again. Nate brought his hand up, from her hip, and cupped the side of her face. “For the record,” he whispered, “I’ve changed just as much as you.”
Sorcha nodded. “I know,” her voice was soft. “I know you have. I was just being an idiot. I’m sorry. Our history is just a bit, well…muddled. I know we’ve been having a great time together, but it still came as a bit of a shock when you, like, said the words out loud. I don’t know.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I know that neither of us were expecting this when I showed up at your work asking you out for lunch. But I wouldn’t say something if I didn’t, like, mean it. And I mean this. I want you to know that. Can we both at least admit that we’re into each other?”
Sorcha couldn’t help but smile slightly. “We’re into each other.”
“Finally, you say it out loud.”
“Don’t push it,” she giggled slightly.
Nate couldn’t help but kiss her again. “You know what people who are into each other do?”
“What’s that?”
“They go over to the other’s house a lot,” he said, giving her a quick peck on the lips. “And I mean like, a lot.” Kiss. “Like, on weekends.” Kiss. “Next weekend, even.” Kiss.
“Oh, is that right?”
“Mhm.” Kiss. “And maybe…”. Kiss. “They even go up on Thursday after work.” Kiss. “To get some alone time with each other.” Kiss. “Before the house party on Saturday night.”
Sorcha stiffened slightly at the revelation. “House party? Big house party? Everyone coming?”
“No. It’s not what you think,” he said. “Just Kehoe and Lucas. No Noah. No Shane. They’re not invited. But, like, Sid will be there, and I invited his best friend June, too. You’ll love her. And some of my cousins will be there. A couple of my other friends, and maybe friends of friends. But not Noah and Shane. I want you there more than anyone else. I just want you around with me.”
The last time Nate asked her to go up while others were going to be there, she said no – for obvious reasons. And though slow, Nate realized why she’d rejected the proposal. But now, with everything being out in the open, with their feelings known and the chemistry between them unmistakable, Sorcha had a different outlook on the situation. She wouldn’t just be there – she’d be there with Nate. And if it was mainly going to be Kehoe, Nate’s cousins, Sidney (who she’d probably fawn over all night, if she was being honest), and Sidney’s best friend June whom she would apparently love, then she was more than willing to go. No Noah, and especially no Shane, was like music to her ears. She cupped his face in her hands, running her thumbs along his thin lips softly. “I’ll see if I can take the day off Friday,” she whispered, making him smile.
“Perfect,” Nate smiled. “You and I are going to have so much fun, Sorcha Saint-Coeur.”
Sorcha smirked. “You’re going to get me into so much trouble, Nathan MacKinnon.”
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Episode 166 - Sports (Non-Fiction)
This episode we’re talking about Non-Fiction Sports books! We discuss how to define sports, live sports, weird rules, and more!
You can download the podcast directly, find it on Libsyn, or get it through Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or your favourite podcast delivery system.
In this episode
Anna Ferri | Meghan Whyte | Matthew Murray | RJ Edwards
Things We Read (or tried to…)
The Comic Book Story of Basketball: A Fast-Break History of Hops, Hoops, and Alley-OOPS
Canadian Heritage Minutes: Basketball (YouTube)
(lots more below in “Links, Articles, and Things”)
Walking: One Step at a Time by Erling Kagge, translated by Becky L. Crook, narrated by Atli Gunnarsson
Revolutions: How Women Changed the World on Two Wheels by Hannah Ross
One Game at a Time: Why Sports Matter by Matt Hern
Strong Like a Woman: 100 Game-Changing Female Athletes by Laken Litman
A Most Beautiful Thing: The True Story of America's First All-Black High School Rowing Team by Arshay Cooper, narrated by Adam Lazarre-White
Other Media We Mentioned
Football in Sun and Shadow by Eduardo Galeano, translated by Mark Fried
Soccer vs. the State: Tackling Football and Radical Politics by Gabriel Kuhn
Links, Articles, and Things
Which Pokémon are the most goth? (featuring Matthew and Jam)
Lumberjack World Championship (Wikipedia)
Sports Book Awards
Mascot Mischief (Jam’s mascot RPG)
Pawtucket Red Sox (Wikipedia)
It’s possible the burlesque wrestling event that Anna and Matthew went to was Glam Slam, which still exists!
Heritage Minutes (Wikipedia)
Wilder Penfield (YouTube)
Sam Steele (YouTube)
Halifax Explosion (YouTube)
Jackie Shane (YouTube) (most recent one!)
The 10 Best Canadian Heritage Minutes of All Time
A Part of Our Heritage (YouTube)
AK Press (Wikipedia)
Green Bay Packers (Wikipedia)
List of fan-owned sports teams (Wikipedia)
Sex verification in sports (Wikipedia)
Testosterone regulations in women's athletics (Wikipedia)
Zhang Shan: The only female shooter to win gold in a mixed competition
“After the Barcelona Games, the International Shooting Union barred women from shooting against men. For the next years, the skeet event remained on the Olympic Games programme, but only for male athletes.”
The Bob Emergency: a study of athletes named Bob, Part I by Jon Bois
Barbados intentionally scored an own goal to help them win by two thanks to a weird golden goal rule Weird Rules on Secret Base (YouTube)
Twenty20 (Wikipedia)
“Twenty20 (T20) is a shortened game format of cricket.”
Episode 159 - Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose by Leigh Cowart
16 Sports (Non-Fiction)books by BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, & People of Colour) Authors
Every month Book Club for Masochists: A Readers’ Advisory Podcasts chooses a genre at random and we read and discuss books from that genre. We also put together book lists for each episode/genre that feature works by BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, & People of Colour) authors. All of the lists can be found here.
Life in Motion: An Unlikely Ballerina by Misty Copeland
Indigenous Feminist Gikendaasowin (Knowledge): Decolonization through Physical Activity by Tricia McGuire-Adams
Rebound: Sports, Community, and the Inclusive City by Perry King
A Beautiful Work in Progress by Mirna Valerio
Basketball (and Other Things): a Collection of Questions Asked, Answered, Illustrated by Shea Serrano
Black Gods of the Asphalt: Religion, Hip-hop, and Street Basketball by Onaje X. O. Woodbine
Forty Million Dollar Slaves: The Rise, Fall, and Redemption of the Black Athlete by William C. Rhoden
In My Skin: My Life on and Off the Basketball Court by Brittney Griner
Blood in the Garden: The Flagrant History of the 1990s New York Knicks by Chris Herring
A Team of Their Own: How an International Sisterhood Made Olympic History by Seth Berkman
Tigerbelle: The Wyomia Tyus Story by Wyomia Tyus, Elizabeth Terzakis
Rise of the Black Quarterback: What It Means for America by Jason Reid
Courage to Soar: A Body in Motion, a Life in Balance by Simone Biles with Michelle Burford
My Olympic Life by Anita L. DeFrantz and Josh Young
Back in the Frame: How to get back on your bike, whatever life throws at you by Jools Walker
Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable by Tim S. Grover
Give us feedback!
Fill out the form to ask for a recommendation or suggest a genre or title for us to read!
Check out our Tumblr, follow us on Twitter or Instagram, join our Facebook Group, or send us an email!
Join us again on Tuesday, January 17th we’ll be discussing reading resolutions!!
Then on Tuesday, February 7th it’ll be our annual Valentine’s Day episode and we’ll be talking about the genre of Holiday Romance!
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