#hanguang-jun fluttering the eyelashes on those eyes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angstymdzsthoughts · 5 years

Note

pt 1 Divorve AU! tbh, I don't like the idea of WangXian separated but hey, angst is singing in my blood so, why not? Anyway, what if WWX actually handles the divorce just fine? Well, sure he is disheartened with the fact that the man he loves so easily falls out of love with him when he realizes he is not the man LWJ hopes himself to be but, he expects the divorce to happen for so long. His heart stings with betrayal and disappointment but, it's okay. He's used to it so, he'll be fine.

pt 2 Divorce AU! The moment JC hears about the divorce, he wasted no time as in to swoop in his brother back to YunmengJiang Sect, the sect where he supposed to be, not the GusuLan Sect. Now that there's no LWJ in his way, he can finally has his brother back. WWX says nothing when JC forces him back to LP because frankly, he has no where to go now. Of course, he expects JC to still hate him hence, probably brings him back to torture him back. But, JC has be nothing but courteous to him. pt 3 Divorce AU! Slowly, WWX lets his guard down and slowly enjoys his life at LP, after the long time he spent dreaming to be back to what once his home. JC said nothing but he's happy that his brother is back to where he belongs to. The YJ disicples don't understand at first why their sect leader brings back YP but, as he spent time with the man himself, then he understands why the Lan juniors and others, including JL that has once hated YP adores him. Slowly, WWX takes their heart with him- pt 4 Divorce AU! and they also began to adore him as those juniors did. The Lan juniors, hearing that WWX has settled down at LP start to flock there every time they can, just to hang out with WWX. JL also tries to divide his time as a sect leader so he can visit LP, not only to visit JC but also WWX (despite him not wanting to admit it). Slowly but surely, WWX's heart starts to feel full again, content with the love he has. He misses LWJ but, with the people around him, it hard to remember him pt 5 Divorce AU! i actually wants to end it at pt 4 but then, my brain betrays me so, angst time. LWJ, hearing that WWX HAPPILY settles down at LP is agitated by it. True, he has fallen out of love by the man he once swore to protect and love but, he has expected the man to plead to stay at CR and with him, not go to his merry way to LP and be happy WITHOUT HIM. He may has fallen out of love and divorce him but, WWX is HIS. The Lan elders continue to parade high born ladies to him- pt 6 Divorce AU! in hope that he will marry one of them. But, he doesn't even bat an eyelash at him and coldly disregard them coldly, leaving them in tears. They don't give up though as they still do it despite the LWJ's rejection. LXC exits his seclusion when he hears about the divorce and he can't help but to feel sad and disappointed at his brother. LWJ has been in love with WWX for years and when he gets him, he lets him go just like that, never fights for the other. pt 7 Divorce AU! Now, when WWX has finally finds happiness outside of CR, away from LWJ, LWJ becomes his cold self once again, perhaps worse than before. LXC doesn't know how to disregard the sudden change except giving LWJ an advice. "You let him go first, shouldn't you be content that he's happy without you?" LWJ only sends a cool look at his brother, not saying a word as he left. LXC ignores the look on LWJ's face (he really shouldn't). pt 8 Divorce AU! Meanwhile, LQR thinks he should be happy that LWJ divorces WWX and that troublemaker is finally gone from CR. But, he never admits that he has grown attached to the lil gremlin that when the news of divorce finds him, he is both shocked and angry at LWJ's decision. He refuses to see WWX off from CR because, he knows that if he did, he will most likely plead the other to stay. He might be a rule breaker but he also has broken into LQR's heart, and he refuses to admit it. pt 9 Divorce AU! He's happy though when he hears from the juniors that WWX is happy at LP. LQR thought, WWX deserves it at least, after his nephew broke his heart so carelessly, despite his oath and all. However, he is unsettled when he observes LWJ. Not only has LWJ return back to his icy cold self, it has only worsen after WWX left CR. He has rejected every marriage offer he is offered, every woman that has been introduced to him, he even refused to let any belonging WWX left to be taken away pt 10 Divorce AU! Frighteningly, it reminds LQR of his brother. Of how his brother obsession has destroyed their family, how the obsession lead QHJ to abandon his sons and sect as he went into seclusion. How the obsession destroys himself. LQR refuses to wonder about that possibility, that LWJ inherits QHJ's obsession, but, he knows, deep inside, he shouldn't ignore it. (Oh how he wishes he didn't.) pt 11 Divorce AU! LWJ hears of the juniors talking among themselves, how WWX seems happier after the divorce. How he seems so free, how elated he is and the many adventures they has with WWX. LWJ can't help but get angry at that (no one other than LXC and LQR know but, they aren't there to witness it). In a haste decision, when the opportunity go to LP arise, LWJ didn't waste it. He follows the convoy for the discussion conference held at the LP pt 12 Divorce AU! When he arrives at LP, the first thing he hears is WWX's laughter. It still brings flutter to his stomach as he turns to look at WWX. He is there, far but near enough for him to look at. WWX is sitting, surrounded by the senior disciples, talking who know what and one of them is sitting way too close to WWX, the other oblivious with it. (stay away from him! He's mine, MINE!) he grips on BiChen, eyes glaring at the sight. LXC looks at him in concern ("Are you fine WangJi?" "Mn") pt 13 Divorce AU! Days passed, and LWJ sticks by LXC's side. LXC thought that if LWJ truly has let the other go, he won't be worry much because, thinking otherwise is terrifying enough. Sure, he is saddened by the divorce but, if LWJ no longer clings to the feeling, he feels a lil assure by it. (He loves WWX, he was his brother-in-law once but, LWJ's obsession is horrifying) He just hopes that LWJ really won't do anything this time. pt 14 Divorce AU! LWJ gazes always linger on WWX. Each time he saw him, his eyes can't help but to stray towards WWX. He is sure he has fallen out of love, but why did his heart still wants WWX? (Obsession, the voice in his mind said. You're obsessed with him. You never love him, you're obsessed with him. they said again) Each time he saw WWX, he always has his arm around another's arm, the junior, the senior, even a servant. Everyone seem to taste WWX's touch, all except him. pt 15 Divorce AU! WWX avoid LWJ. true he has moved on but his heart stung in betrayal whenever he saw him. He feels it each time LWJ's eyes fall on him, every time he tries to talk to him but, WWX's heart isn't strong enough to face him yet. so, he avoids him. (he should've know it's a wrong move) LWJ corners him one day, it's night, dark and barely anyone is out. LWJ pins him on the wall, kiss him as he used to, and still, it weakens WWX's legs that he wobble under it. "HanGuang-Jun, stop," pt 16 Divorce AU! "Why?" "We're divorced. I'm not yours to kiss anymore, so stop" He can see the redness in LWJ's eyes. He would think he's sad by it if he hasn't seen it before. "You're MINE" "You let me go, I'm no longer yours" "Doesn't matter. You'll always be mine, Wei Ying" WWX tries to push him away but, he is weak. Always so weak against LWJ. "Let me go, HanGuang-Jun" he said. LWJ seems to want to say something before he stops. Then he smiles. the smile sends shiver down his spine pt 16 Divorce AU! LWJ caressed his cheek before letting him go. "You're mine, Wei Ying," he says before he leaves. WWX fears that moment (it's weird, he never has a reason to fear LWJ) before he went to JC's room. He asks him for a leave, wanting to go away for a while. JC says nothing, knowing that LWJ is here. He assumes that WWX doesn't want to see LWJ, so he let him go. (he wish he hasn't) WWX left the very next day. LWJ smiles when he knows it. ("You seem please WangJi,""Mn") pt 17 Divorce AU! A few days has passed since the discussion conference, and two weeks since WWX's departure. JC thought nothing at first because sometimes, WWX has a habit of leaving for a long time. A month passed, and still, no news from WWX yet. Two, and JC is worries out of his mind. He already told his people to find WWX, those who fond WWX the most eager to find him. Yet, there's no sight of WWX. In fact, there's no sight of him for weeks. QingHe, Lanling, Yunmeng, GUSU, no where. pt 18 Divorce AU! LWJ has told LXC he will go into seclusion. LXC thought nothing of it, only consent to it thinking that LWJ truly is moving on. (away from his obsession, away from WWX) He was wrong. (he should've asked why, he should've demand to visit him) LQR says nothing as he too consent LWJ's decision. (he should've know. he should've. Like father, like son. He should've check) LWJ is please by it. (No one suspect when he asked for two servings each time, always served with chili oil) pt 19 Divorce AU! in the jingshi, WWX lays on the bed as he stares at LWJ. He remembers nothing, except what LWJ told him. LWJ said he found him in the forest, barely survive an attack. LWJ told him to never exits the room, saying outside is cruel. He believes him (he doesn't know why). LWJ is too happy to be concerned with anything else because wwx is here, he's his to have, his to take. (so obsession. lwj is obsessed with wwx that he kidnaps him back after the divorce. i should just reblog 🤦)

.... oh my god you sent me a fic.

I had to know the word count and you sent me a 1,800+ work fic. Anon. You have to clean this up and post it. You gotta.

#Reply #Fic #yes I'm using that tag because thats all I can call this #Divorce AU #Unstable Lans #How did I never think to combine the two of them?#Wei Wuxian #Lan Wangji #Jiang Cheng #Lan Xichen #Captivity #Nonconsensual drug use #mdzs

409 notes · View notes

aurltas · 4 years

Text

where the light goes

tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, i’m a simple gal with simple needs ok i just wanna see some hair being combed yknow??, Confessions, make that LONG-WINDED confessions, Fluff, l o t s of fluff, no seriously this is some cavity inducing food, when is this set? idk but before the Actual confession. who knows go ham, also some ribbon shenanigans (NOT LIKE THAT) to warm ur wangxian hearts, here for all yalls domestic wangxian needs, (cups hands around my mouth) THEY'RE IN L OV E !!!!, hair doing, there...isnt rly a tag for this but they Do they hair

summary: It hits him that evening, there in some unnamed inn straddling some unnamed road, that it has always been in moonlight that Wei Wuxian has caught his eye.

He can barely believe he is allowed to have this.

notes: all i can say is: surely i can’t be the only one who sees all the mdzs characters’ mile-long, pantene-ad-worthy hair and thinks, Wait!!! What If They Softly And Tenderly Combed Out All That Glorious Hair? ...................yeah. that was essentially the basis for all this madness

(it escalated, obviously)

title from josh kramer’s where the light goes. please do give it a listen, it features tina guo !!

(also on ao3 if that’s ur thang)

PYLADES: I’ll take care of you.

ORESTES: It’s rotten work.

PYLADES: Not to me. Not if it’s you.

— Orestes, Euripides; trans. Anne Carson

PART 1: yue / 月

It hits him that evening, there in some unnamed inn straddling some unnamed road, that it has always been in moonlight that Wei Wuxian has caught his eye.

First on the rooftops, brandishing those jars with a smile to match. Then in his room, finishing another day of copying, when he began to memorize his moonlit silhouette. And finally again on Dafan Mountain, playing out loud the sound of his own trembling heart.

Lan Wangji can barely believe he is allowed to have this back. This, the easy silence between them as they sit and do whatever it is they need to do, somehow both separate and together in their occupied quiet. The only intruder is the moonlight, spilling through the window and over Wei Wuxian’s form on the floor where he sits, cleaning and inspecting Chengqing.

He hears himself say, “Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian looks up from his spot on the floor. “I’m guessing it’s time to sleep, since you’ve decided to speak up?”

Lan Wangji hums and watches in silence, aching and aching as the moonlight paints Wei Wuxian’s hair in white gold. If he’s being honest, the night hasn’t quite deepened into hanshi yet; there should be roughly half to a third of an incense time left, but there was little chance he would have gotten any more work done regardless. A wave of want overcomes him again, as drenching and bone-deep as the cold of the Gusu springs — the unspeakable need to run his fingers through that moonlit cascade, to press it to his mouth.

Dimly he recalls the words poets had used — silk, water, even moonlight itself — to describe a lover’s hair, and he wonders how reality would compare.

No. As if— He busies himself by clearing away his writing supplies from the table, carefully folding up the half-finished report. Mentally, Lan Wangji reminds himself to sit facing away from Wei Wuxian next time.

He stands slowly and has barely shrugged out of his outer robe when he hears Wei Wuxian hiss in pain.

He’s at his side in an instant, his mind jumping immediately to reopened wounds and hidden curses. “Wei Ying?!”

Wei Wuxian is sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to the window so that the moonlight outlines his shape in the dark. His expression is sheepish. “Oh, it’s just— I tried to comb out my hair with my fingers and I got stuck in a knot, and it just caught me by surprise. Sorry Lan Zhan, I know I probably gave you a scare...”

Lan Wangji shakes his head firmly. “Don’t apologize.” His eyes drift over to Wei Wuxian’s hair, tracing the wild arcing sweep of it. It takes all his self-restraint to school his expression as a sharp ache suddenly blooms in his chest, overwhelming him with the desire to smooth his fingers over it, to tangle his hands in it and find out just how it would feel against his skin —

No. Stop. How could he ever want —

“Ah... Lan Zhan?”

He blinks, meets Wei Wuxian’s hesitant gaze.

“This is going to sound really weird, but I don’t actually, uh. Have anything to untangle my hair with, and this thing doesn’t seem like I can just fix it with my hands. Do you happen to have anything I can borrow?”

(He can barely believe he is allowed to have this.)

“I have a comb in my qiankun bag.” Lan Wangji goes to his outer robe, dropped onto the floor when he’d rushed to Wei Wuxian’s side, lifts it to find the sleeve into which he’d tucked the bag. He realizes he can’t actually see where the sleeve is without the moonlight, so he goes back towards the bed.

Wei Wuxian grins up at him and flips his hair over his shoulder, shifting sideways so Lan Wangji can sit next to him. “As expected of Hanguang-jun! Do you really not mind me borrowing it?”

Lan Wangji turns the robe in the light, finally locates the correct sleeve and reaches in to fish out the bag. “No.”

He pulls the comb out, glossy jade almost glowing under the moon. As he draws the bag closed, Wei Wuxian glances at the comb and finally seems to register Lan Wangji’s answer, blinking several times. “Ah?? ‘No,’ you don’t mind?”

“Mn.”

Wei Wuxian laughs, folds his elbows on his knees and rests his chin in his hands to regard Lan Wangji. “So generous! How can I repay you for this great favor, Lan Zhan?”

Before he realizes what he’s saying, Lan Wangji replies, “Let me untangle it for you.”

What?

Instantly, Wei Wuxian’s smile drops. They stare at each other for a long moment, caught there in the silver of moonlight. Lan Wangji registers, distantly over the clamor of his own panic, that Wei Wuxian’s widened eyes are— Disgusted? Horrified?

He blinks.

...Hopeful?

“I — I mean,” Wei Wuxian starts, his mouth opening and closing several times, “If you. If you want to? I’m completely okay with it, but if you don’t it’s fine! I get it, really, you don’t have to trouble yourself —”

“No trouble,” Lan Wangji says, more and more lightheaded with every word of this wreck of a conversation. “It isn’t,” he insists, again, when Wei Wuxian reaches for the comb. His hand freezes. “Truly. Wei Ying, I —” he says, then mentally curses himself for starting a sentence he dares not finish. “It isn’t any trouble.” Not to me, not to me. Not if it’s you.

“...Okay then,” Wei Wuxian says, withdrawing his hand. His eyes are still so wide. “All right. If you’re sure.”

Lan Wangji finally takes the comb out, lets the familiar cool weight of it steady him and his rioting heart. “Mn.” Not if it’s you. He lays the robe carefully to the side, folding it as he sets it down.

Slowly, Wei Wuxian shifts so that his back faces Lan Wangji, the moonlight forming a halo around the tangle in question. It’s at the end of his hair, only half illuminated; Lan Wangji lifts it with his empty hand, turning it in the watery light to inspect it.

He registers three things: First, it genuinely is a difficult knot.

Second, that even knotted, Wei Wuxian’s hair has a softness of its own — different from the rabbits’ fur, different from his own, from silk and from water. One uniquely belonging to him alone.

And third, that he wants to comb out more than this knot, and with his fingers instead of cold jade teeth.

Lan Wangji closes his eyes briefly, reins himself in with a careful breath. Not now. Now isn’t —

“Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian’s voice is another knot, tying him to the present. “Is it — really bad?”

The nervousness in his voice is far too great for him to be only talking about the knot. Lan Wangji hums steadily, firmly grips the hair above the tangle with his other hand to make sure he doesn't hurt Wei Wuxian as he starts to tease the knot apart with one end of the teeth. After a moment he says, “No, Wei Ying, don’t worry. It is manageable.”

“Oh. Okay. Good.”

They sit in silence again, but there is a palpable thing hovering in the air between them this time. Perhaps a string, Lan Wangji finds himself thinking dazedly. Or a bamboo pole, wire-thin, running through the center of his quaking heart. Something unbreakable yet unseen, pulling along his stiffened limbs like a puppet, tying him irrevocably to Wei Wuxian.

Gradually the knot unravels, leaving no hint of prior tangle besides a subtle wave in the affected hair. Lan Wangji sits there, his hands growing certain as he runs the comb through that bit of hair over and over and over. When it smooths out, he lets it fall back in place and starts the comb higher, combing through the hair above it as well.

“Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian’s voice is subdued, almost sleepy. Lan Wangji blinks at it, then hums in question.

Wei Wuxian shuffles around, half facing him. His expression is calm and open and earnest, relaxed and loose-limbed. “Lan Zhan, would you do me a favor and comb out the rest too? If... if it’s no trouble?”

The moonlight casts Wei Wuxian in such bright shadows.

(He can barely believe he is allowed to have this.)

Lan Wangji tilts his head, his eyes crinkling ever so slightly. “En. No trouble.”

Wei Wuxian exhales in a quiet laugh, the lines of his face so, so clear, and Lan Wangji aches. That open calmness pulls his empty hand upwards: he carefully brushes a stray wisp of hair behind Wei Wuxian’s ear, lets the sides of his fingers skim along his jawline when he pulls his hand back. He swallows, belatedly realizing his own actions, but then Wei Wuxian’s eyelashes flutter and their gazes meet, and he realizes there is no disgust, no horror, not even shock in his eyes — only hope, as before.

“Lan Zhan,” he breathes, turning more to fully face him, and Lan Wangji’s pulse skips ahead of itself. “Why are you...”

In response he lifts his hand to Wei Wuxian’s hair again, slowly, gently draws his fingertips through it. Still Wei Wuxian holds his gaze with his wide hopeful eyes, and Lan Wangji aches.

“Is this — all right?” he asks, searching Wei Wuxian’s face.

“Yeah, it's all right! ...I, I mean— If it’s all right for you,” Wei Wuxian replies instantly. Lan Wangji hums in the affirmative, pleased and startled and endeared by the enthusiastic immediacy of his response. Carefully, carefully he moves his hand to his shoulder, turning him so he faces away again. He knows if he continues any further, he would just end up staring at his beautiful moonlit face for the rest of the night.

Gently he sets the comb at the crown of Wei Wuxian’s head, draws it all the way down through one long section of his hair in a straight, steady motion that is completely at odds with his racing pulse. After a few strokes he notices how Wei Wuxian has to strain ever so slightly against the pull of the comb, so he sets a hand at the top of the section to hold his head in place. Wei Wuxian hums quietly and leans back, relaxing into his hand. Lan Wangji has to fight back against a surprised noise in his throat. He draws the comb through again, just to be sure, and allows himself the luxury of gently raking his fingers through the combed hair before moving on to the next segment.

Over and over and over, he combs out that hair as though it is his own, his heart a stallion pounding along the treacherous cliffs of his trembling veins; at any moment the sea below threatens to surge up and drown him, this tsunami of his own yearning. Over and over and over, he drowns himself in the glow of moonlight reflecting off the inky cascade in front of him, another sea to take him in.

Over and over and over, he relearns this: that Wei Wuxian’s hair softens and gives under his hands, and it only makes him want to know if the rest of him will do that too.

(And he thinks to himself the poets are wrong; that silk and water pale in comparison to this, that no words can adequately describe the cool gentle reassurance of it in his fingers.)

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian mumbles when he’s almost done. “Is it troublesome for you? To stay with me like this? Isn’t it so much easier to just, I don’t know... go off and do what you normally do by yourself? Be where the chaos is?”

Lan Wangji huffs wordlessly, draws the comb through the last bit and sets it aside. Wei Wuxian turns back around, watching him, and he sighs.

“Not troublesome for me,” he whispers, and shifts closer to slide his fingers into Wei Wuxian’s hair, cradling the side of his head. He doesn’t miss the way it makes his breath catch, the way he tilts his head ever so slightly to lean into his touch, eyes closing slightly. “Never trouble.”

(He can barely, barely believe —)

“Wei Ying,” he says, and has to fight to keep his breathing even when Wei Wuxian’s hands loop around his waist in response. “Wei Ying, it would never be. Not if — not if it’s you.”

Wei Wuxian shivers a laugh, presses closer. “Really?”

“Mn. Really.”

But then something in his eyes dims. “But this body isn’t even mine.” Lan Wangji blinks, stunned; Wei Wuxian doesn’t seem to notice and plows on, his face darkening as he drops his arms from around Lan Wangji’s waist. “Lan Zhan — I’m not really me. That’s the problem, isn’t it? In the end, after everything, I’m just, I’m —”

“No!”

The outburst surprises both of them. Wei Wuxian is shocked into silence, mouth snapping shut. Lan Wangji shudders a breath in, reminds himself of his decades of training and cultivation — restraint, control, yazheng. Righteousness. “No,” he says, calmer. “No, that isn’t it. Wei Ying. Listen to me.”

Slowly, his hand shaking, Lan Wangji draws the hand he has at his head through his hair. When he gets to the end of it, he lifts it gently and presses it to his lips, leaves it there; watches enraptured as Wei Wuxian’s eyes widen once he registers what is happening.

“Still you,” he says firmly into his hair. Wei Wuxian stares. “The body is irrelevant when the soul is still you.”

“Lan Zhan,” is the only warning he gets before Wei Wuxian launches himself into his arms, clinging to his shoulders, his face tucked into his throat. Lan Wangji lets go of his hair to reach down and hold him back, his hands earnest and hesitant and hopeful, hopeful, hopeful. He aches, all over, and it takes everything in him not to drop his mouth to the crown of his head and tell him, Your soul is who I love, that is the only thing that matters, it’s you it’s you it’s you.

For a moment they breathe, and Lan Wangji tries to force his traitorous heartbeat down to a normal speed.

Wei Wuxian sighs loudly into his skin. “I... I don’t know what to say anymore, I’m so, you’re so...” He lets out a muffled yell against Lan Wangji’s collarbone. “You’ve done it, Hanguang-jun. You’ve rendered me, Wei Wuxian, the infamous and indestructible Yiling Patriarch, utterly speechless!”

Lan Wangji is surprised into a laugh before he can stop himself. Instantly Wei Wuxian raises his head, leaving his arms still clasped around his shoulders, and stares at him in astonishment. “Lan Zhan ah!” he cries delightedly. “Was that— Was that what I thought it was?? Did you laugh?!”

His scandalized tone draws another smile from Lan Wangji, and this time he doesn’t bother trying to hide it. Wei Wuxian lets out a faint strangled sound and lifts a hand, tracing the shape of his upturned mouth with his fingertips. Lan Wangji stares: at him, his hand, his eyes so focused entirely on him.

He can feel his pulse in his lips.

“Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian whispers. His fingers still.

(The moonlight, the moonlight. Lan Wangji cannot look away.)

He tries to say something, but his voice catches and he can only return a pathetic garbled Mm? against his fingertips.

Wei Wuxian smiles, a small quiet thing so at odds with his usual loud self that somehow Lan Wangji knows this is him, how he is when he is truly, fully himself.

“Is it okay if I comb your hair out too?” he asks.

Lan Wangji stills.

Of all things he was bracing himself for, it was not this.

Lan Wangji blinks, trying to formulate a response in his mind that is not overly lovestruck or overly intimidating or both. Something delicate is being strung between them, and his only fear is snapping it.

He’s been silent too long; Wei Wuxian deflates, withdraws his hand, starts to lean away. Instantly Lan Wangji is struck by how cold he feels without Wei Wuxian’s touch, but he manages to say, “Wei Ying. I would... I would like that.”

Wei Wuxian brightens. “Really?” he asks eagerly. Lan Wangji nods, places the comb by his hand on the bed and carefully turns so that his back is to Wei Wuxian.

But as his eyes trace the frost of the moonlight on the opposite wall, he realizes two things:

One, his hair is still in its usual bun, and Wei Wuxian likely has no idea how to undo it.

Two, he is, naturally, still wearing his forehead ribbon.

Wei Wuxian seems to come to these realizations at the same moment he does, because he hesitates audibly and says, “Oh. Ah. Lan Zhan...?”

Lan Wangji reaches up and undoes his hair, setting the pin and crown onto the little table by the bedside. His mind races along the tracks of his fevered panic as he tries to figure out what on earth to do about his ribbon, because heaven knows he wants to say something with it, but does Wei Ying even know? Would he— How would he feel, if he does know?

Slowly he reaches up to where his ribbon is knotted at the back of his head, deciding it’s better for both of them if he takes it off himself. But when he does, he feels —

Skin. Fingers; a hand.

...A hand?

Wei Ying’s hand — ?!

He turns around immediately, wide eyes fixed on Wei Wuxian.

“Wei Ying?” he breathes.

For his part, Wei Wuxian looks as stunned as he feels, lips parted slightly and eyes just as wide, hands frozen in midair where they’d been at his ribbon. “I... Ah...”

Lan Wangji can hear his swallow, the thud as he drops his hands, every sound amplified in the silence of night. He coughs. “Lan Zhan, sorry, I should’ve asked. That was— That was rude of me, I mean, I of all people should know how important the Lan ribbon is by now.”

Dazed, Lan Wangji wonders, Do you? His bemusement must show on his face somehow, because Wei Wuxian laughs, but it’s forced and self-reprimanding. Lan Wangji’s heart aches at the sound of it, so he shakes his head slightly and takes both of Wei Wuxian’s hands in his, and after a moment of trepidation lifts them to his lips and presses a soft kiss to those knuckles.

“You can...” Lan Wangji breathes in, but it’s closer to a stitched gasp. “You can take it off.”

Wei Wuxian’s fingers twitch in his, as though that wasn't the answer he was expecting. “You — you would want me to? ...Not someone else?” he asks carefully, caught in this rare moment of honesty.

The moonlight leaves no place to hide; Lan Wangji can see how pink has stolen over his cheeks.

“Only you,” Lan Wangji says into his knuckles. “No one else.”

“Really?” Wei Wuxian huffs in disbelief, eyes wide. Lan Wangji nods. His hands are so warm.

For a moment Lan Wangji wars with himself. Then: “Wei Ying, do you know the ribbon’s...?”

His voice trails off, swallowed by the sudden yawning doubt in his stomach, a chasm ridged and carved with years of fear.

Wei Wuxian stares.

Lan Wangji’s heart is whittling away at his ribs.

He can’t stop thinking about the meaning, the meaning, the meaning. Words — he curses himself silently, this old frustration with his own inability to translate between the languages of thought and speech. His mind has always been so full of noise.

(But: Wei Wuxian has always seemed to understand him regardless.)

“The ribbon’s meaning?” Wei Wuxian repeats after a moment, and Lan Wangji nods dumbly. “I do know. I mean, I didn’t know before, obviously, but now...” He swallows and carefully extracts one of his hands from Lan Wangji’s hold, reaches for his own hair ribbon, long cast aside for the task of untangling his hair. He looks up and meets Lan Wangji’s eyes, then presses it to their joined hands, wraps both their fingers around it.

Lan Wangji is not breathing.

“I’m not— This isn’t the Lan ribbon, but I guess... Maybe, in the future, it could be? Or it could be my ribbon still, but — it would mean the same? If that makes sense? I’d really like that.” He’s biting his lip, and Lan Wangji hazily wonders how it would feel if it were his teeth instead. “That is... If — If you’re willing, of course. Just, since you trust me with yours, I want you to know that I. I trust you to take mine, too.”

The moonlight leaves no place to hide; Lan Wangji knows Wei Wuxian can see, can feel how hard his hands are trembling.

“Lan Zhan ah,” Wei Wuxian whines. He’s been silent for too long again. “Don’t just leave me hanging!!”

He’s watching Lan Wangji closely, eyes wide and open and hopeful, hopeful, hopeful. “Lan Zhan?”

“Wei Ying,” is all he can manage before he drops his hands and reaches for his face instead, finally, finally brings their mouths together. Wei Wuxian lets out a surprised strangled noise, as though he has any right to be surprised after saying everything he’s said; the sound makes Lan Wangji’s chest ache, and he presses closer, swallowing Wei Wuxian’s sigh, burning at the feel of Wei Wuxian’s blind hands at his neck, his collarbone, his unbound hair, pulling him in.

(He can barely, barely believe —)

A quiet sound escapes from the back of his throat before he can stop himself. Wei Wuxian grins against his mouth, tangles his fingers into his hair to deepen the kiss. Lan Wangji almost reciprocates when he remembers how much effort he’s put into combing out Wei Wuxian’s hair, so he settles instead for running his hands through it over and over, letting it slide through his fingers, letting himself drown in the surging warmth that is Wei Wuxian.

“Lan Zhan, wait,” Wei Wuxian gasps into his mouth. Lan Wangji pauses and draws back, but doesn’t stop combing his fingers through. Wei Wuxian reaches up and tugs on one of his hands; after a moment he laces their fingers together.

“...Are you worried about ruining your handiwork or something?” he asks, tilting his head.

When he says it aloud like that, Lan Wangji can’t hide the puff of laughter that escapes his lips. “En. Something like that.”

Wei Wuxian grins in delight and buries his face in Lan Wangji’s shoulder, his arms circling his waist once more. “I can’t believe you,” he says, but it’s fond and astonished and just this side of lovestruck. Lan Wangji holds him and lets himself press his mouth to the top of his head, closes his eyes.

Quiet returns. Lan Wangji strokes his hair over and over and over, and eventually Wei Wuxian leans back to hold his gaze. Lan Wangji takes in the sight of him, flushed and bright-eyed, a new kind of mischief alight in his face.

“You still haven't answered my question,” he says. Lan Wangji blinks. “Earlier? My whole ribbon spiel? ...Oh my god, Lan Zhan, please don’t make me say it again, I think I’ll faint if I have to repeat that —”

Ribbon? Lan Wangji thinks in a daze. It rushes back to him then, the way Wei Wuxian had untied his own hair ribbon and presses it to their joined hands, the halting stutter of if you’re willing, so hesitant and unlike his usual unwavering front.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, and it is moonlight pounding through his fingertips. “I have been trying for years to say I am willing.”

Wei Wuxian stares at him. His mouth is hanging open. “Years??” he asks incredulously.

Lan Wangji decides it is time for some concrete evidence. “I... was not very good at saying it,” he admits. “Do you remember the hunt on the mountain? The one where you wore a blindfold?”

Wei Wuxian stares blankly at him, confusion furrowing his brows. “The one where you punched a tree?”

Lan Wangji hates this more than words can ever hope to express.

“What happened. Before that.”

“What happened... I was...” Wei Wuxian hesitates, a step away from the truth. His eyes widen, and he lifts them to stare at Lan Wangji full-on.

“Oh, my god,” he breathes. “You were the one who stole my first — ?!” And then he slaps his hand over his mouth, eyes even bigger than before.

First?

It is Lan Wangji’s turn to stare.

“That was... your first kiss?” he says hoarsely.

Wei Wuxian bursts out laughing, wiping clumsily at his eyes. “Lan Zhan, I wouldn't be freaking out if it wasn’t!” he says, a little hysterically. “I can’t believe this, I —” Then he halts, turns his gaze back to Lan Wangji. All the mirth is gone from his expression.

“You’re not joking? That many years ago??” he asks.

Lan Wangji nods mutely.

Wei Wuxian laughs again, short and amazed. “Wow,” he says quietly. “Wow.” He reaches out and, after a moment’s hesitation, gently slips Lan Wangji’s forehead ribbon off, holds it to his lips.

“This is okay, I’m assuming?” he murmurs, looking up at him.

Lan Wangji is not breathing.

(He can barely believe —)

For a few beats it is all he can do to stare. Then he exhales carefully and tugs him close again, briefly kisses the corner of his mouth behind the silk. Wei Wuxian grins shakily before setting it down on the bedside table. His hand drifts up to trace Lan Wangji’s jaw, an echo of what Lan Wangji had done to him earlier.

They watch each other, silent. Looking, breathing. Lan Wangji knows he could stay like this for days on end: Wei Wuxian’s skin on his, his gaze a softer bolder kind of light tracing the planes of his face.

“Lan Zhan, you know that I’m in love with you too, right?” Wei Wuxian says suddenly.

Lan Wangji smiles slightly, blinks hard to fight back the tears that suddenly sting his eyes. “En,” he replies.

(Even now, he can barely, barely —)

Wei Wuxian laughs, brings his other arm up to sling it onto his shoulder. “You know, Lan Zhan,” he says, still smiling, “that kiss on the mountain was really something! I could barely stand afterwards, did you know?”

Lan Wangji did not know. His breath catches in his throat, as affected by this knowledge as Wei Wuxian had evidently been affected by him. Wei Wuxian, of course, does not miss this; his grin widens and he leans in close.

“Did that surprise you?” he whispers, his lips a breath away from Lan Wangji’s own. “Lan — er — ge — ge?” His tone is smug, drawing out the syllables. Lan Wangji is fighting to keep his breathing steady, every inhale slow and measured and controlled. It's a worthless cause in the end: his eyes are huge and black, his pupils completely blown, and his heart is a trembling storm thundering against his ears. Wei Wuxian doesn’t miss anything, because of course he doesn’t, and a blush creeps across his face again.

“Lan Zhan,” he murmurs, his eyes half lidded, “can I kiss you?”

Lan Wangji breathes. The moonlight glints in Wei Wuxian’s irises, all allure and brightness.

“Yes,” he whispers.

Wei Wuxian’s hand is still holding his jaw, and he exhales softly before pulling him close. Lan Wangji feels the warmth of his mouth shudder down his bones — spilling like the moonlight through the cracks of his body, filling every gap and crevice. He is the sun, the moon, the stars; he is the land below, the waters beneath, where the brightness of it all goes. Light. He shivers and arches closer, opens his mouth around a gasp at the press of Wei Wuxian’s tongue on his lips. Wei Wuxian moans his name, clutches his jaw, eyelashes fluttering against his cheek.

“Wei Ying,” he groans, and Wei Wuxian hums, pleased, but it’s broken and ragged, all his playful teasing stripped away for the bare honesty of this instead. They’re both beyond words by now, and so Lan Wangji lets himself drown.

When he leans back at last, it is with trembling fingers — barely, barely, still — that Lan Wangji brushes back the hair that’s fallen into Wei Wuxian’s face, desperately trying to slow his shallow pants. Gently he tucks the strays away, captivated by the way Wei Wuxian’s hair and face are awash in molten silver, the way Wei Wuxian’s mouth stays slightly parted as he gasps for air, the way Wei Wuxian’s dark eyes are fixed on his, outlined and sparkling in the moonlight.

(Of all things he was bracing himself for, it was not this.)

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, oh my god I just realized,” Wei Wuxian says breathlessly, “I didn't even end up combing your hair out, I messed it up even more!” Lan Wangji nods intently, mock upset, and Wei Wuxian’s face breaks into a grin. When Lan Wangji can’t help but mirror it, Wei Wuxian laughs delightedly.

“Lan Zhan, I can’t take this, this is so unfair,” he teases. “You look even prettier when you’re smiling!”

Lan Wangji is absolutely drowning in the way he says even prettier. He draws his fingertips through Wei Wuxian’s hair and hums instead, watches as his eyes drift closed. “Feels good,” he mumbles. He tips his body into Lan Wangji’s, burying his face in his collar. “Lan Zhan ah, Lan Zhan ah. How are you just good at everything?”

Lan Wangji has nothing to say at that, simply continues stroking his hair and leans down to press his lips to his forehead. Wei Wuxian lets out a quiet noise, tightening his arms around Lan Wangji’s shoulders so that they stay pressed against each other.

Time passes. At some point Wei Wuxian tilts his head up wordlessly to kiss him again, sated and soft-mouthed, and at some point the moonlight on the wall becomes moonlight on the floor. It is deep into hanshi by the time Lan Wangji finally brings himself to pull away slightly from Wei Wuxian’s embrace, still remaining close enough that his hands stay at his waist. “We should sleep,” he murmurs, head dipped low next to Wei Wuxian’s ear. It does something to his heart, that he can have this: these casual invasions of each other’s space, now something warm and welcome.

“You’re right,” Wei Wuxian sighs. “Sorry Lan Zhan, I’ll do your hair tomorrow, I’m really too tired.” Lan Wangji hums, thrilled in his contentment, and presses a kiss to his temple. Wei Wuxian lifts his head to eye him blearily, already half asleep as he tips over sideways onto the bed. His hand doesn't leave Lan Wangji’s waist, and he pulls groggily at the cloth there.

“Lan Zhaaaan,” he says. “Come sleep with me?”

And there is this: the way he says it, without hesitation and in full trust, that makes Lan Wangji’s heart stutter.

Silently he does as he’s told, and they tuck into one another, Wei Wuxian’s arm slung around his waist, his head fitted into the hollow of Lan Wangji’s throat. Lan Wangji finds that, inexplicably, he is fighting back the urge to both cry and laugh at the same time. He traces with his eyes the silver of moonlight on the slopes of Wei Wuxian’s body and marvels at it all, because even now he can barely, barely believe this closeness is something he is allowed to have.

Silently he presses his mouth to Wei Wuxian’s hair, combs his fingertips through it one more time. “Goodnight, Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian’s smile brushes against the skin of his neck, and he shivers before he can stop himself. “Mm, goodnight Lan Zhan.”

The moon slowly sets.

part two incoming wooooooo

here're the notes for part one!

as per my jaslief piece, this started as a “ah let me just,, write a short 1k drabbly bby” and became “Oh God How Did It Get So Big??” (thank u otps for always destroying my plans and forcing me to write like 7x more than planned) (it’s starting to get concerning tho i'm still a premed student pls,, calm,,,)

moonlight is a huge personal wangxian symbol for me, even though i know it’s Technically more songxiao......... idk, i think that wangxian first meeting scene up on the rooftops under that bright moon rly imprinted itself on my brain ugh 真是太美了 :,)

dunno why this happens but i automatically revert to ocean metaphors every time i write fluff ???? thx pynch ig

a Lot of this was written while i was in china (just like my jaslief fic, weirdly enough... hm) and lemme tell you. i was losing my marbles bc of the heat-relatives-mosquitos combo but wangxian kept me strong!!! shoutout to wangxian ilyyyy <333

basically my hot take here is that lwj is the only person who can make wwx flustered AND ALSO!! that wwx is the only person who can make lwj flustered

like.....it’s a symbiotic relationship........theyreinlove uwu

that concludes part 1!! feel free to throw me a meme or a fun fact about something that happened while u were reading the fic or WHATEVER honestly!! gnight yall

#wangxian #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #魔道祖师 #忘羡 #陈情令 #my writing

5 notes · View notes

stella-maria7 · 4 years

Text

THE UNTAMED FAN FIC: THE TANGLED HEART

Chapter 16: FEELINGS

The Gusu Lan healer’s pavilion was so quiet that it looked more like a morgue than a healing place. It seemed the Lan disciples were restricted by the four thousand rules that they never jumped into anything dangerous if not necessary. With the current situation of the cultivation’s world, there were no fatal battles. Hence, there weren't many injured cultivators. And that explained why the healer’s pavilion was so dead quiet except for those physicians. A total contrast to Lanling Jin healer’s pavilion. Every single day, disciples walked in and out of the hall nonstop, making it as busy as a market. Given Jin’s people natures as well as the fact that not many rules were binding them, the disciples somehow tended to leap before they looked. And so, it was hard for them to avoid injury regardless of how severe or not severe it was.

Jin Ling was pacing back and forth in one of the rooms inside the healer's pavillion. Sizhui passed out since noon until now, which was almost midnight, showing on sign of waking up. Not even a stir, not even a mumbled. Nothing. He was as still as a corpse. Bam! Jin Ling hit his head repeatedly as a punishment for comparing Sizhui to a corpse. He blamed himself for his bad-mouthed omen. Hanguang-Jun and his two uncles came to visit. Jingyi was sent out on a mission earlier and wouldn't be coming back till tomorrow. Once everyone assured that Sizhui was better, they all left. After having a short argument with his Jiang uncle, his won it and was allowed to stay at Cloud Recess for three days. He somehow felt sorry for his uncle for having to shoulder both the Jiang's and Jin sect's duties during his absence. However, he needed to see for himself that Sizhui was awaken and feeling well.

The healers had already given him medicine and normalized the flowing of his spiritual energy. They assured that the fever was due to the problem of the spiritual energy's circulation. Sizhui had taken a medicine that restrained his energy and he hadn't used it for months. Now he began to use it, the spiritual energy was acting up.

"Nothing fatal. We already took care of it. Just let him rest and everything will be back to normal." said the physicians at the last time they visited.

But Jin Ling thought otherwise. After a few rounds of strides, he came to a stop next to the bed and kneeled down. Hesitantly, he reached out to part Sizhui’s front robe at the collar, exposing the area around the neck. When he didn’t see what he was looking for, he frowned.

"That’s odd. I clearly saw it back then. Since when did it disappear?” he murmured to himself. As if time was reversing, the scenes from this afternoon flashed back in his head.

***

“Lan Sizhui, may I have a word with you?” Jin Ling called out to Sizhui when he realized the former was trying to avoid him. Afterwards, both of them walked to a secluded area in Cloud Recess so they could have a serious talk with no disturbance. But before Jin Ling was able to start, he saw something on Sizhui’s body. There was a pale, red scar on his neck that looked like it resulted from strangling. And on the left side of the neck, just a bit above the mentioned scar, he saw a tiny animal-shaped mark in black color that resembled a phoenix. He wanted to take a closer look so he walked in and reached out his hand when Sizhui collapsed into his arms. “Sizhui!” he shook Sizhui and called out his name but got no reaction. He was so scared. The pride he had always held up high within him vanished in an instant as he carried Sizhui -in a bridal style- and ran towards the healer’s pavilion. Both of them were of the same height and weight so Jin Ling didn’t have any difficulty with this pose. He ignored every reaction and every eyes upon both of them as he was running. For now, he cared about nothing. Not his face. Not his pride. Not even his sect’s reputation. His attention exclusively focused on the one person in his arms. The one who conquered everything and won the top place in his heart. Lan Sizhui.

Sizhui’s face was getting paler and paler and Jin Ling wished he had four legs like Fairy so he could run faster. Fortunately, as he had been to the healer’s pavilion before, it didn’t take much time than necessary to reach the destination. Once he stepped inside, he shouted at the top of his lungs. “I need help!”

One of the physicians replied without even looking back. “No shouting in Cloud Recess.”

“I don’t give a damn about those rules of your sect. Right now, you should focus on saving your sect’s life rather than preserving those stupid rules!” Jin Ling raised his voice even more.

The physician who scolded him turned around and his eyes widened as he recognized the identity of the patient. “It’s Hanguang-Jun and Wei Wuxian’s adoptive son.” And that seemed to catch other physicians’ attentions as well. They hurried to help with the arrangements.

I thought with those four thousand rules or whatever, the Lan’s people will be all about pureness and kind. But some of them are just a bunch of social climbers, Jin Ling scoffed inside his head as he carried Sizhui to the patient’s room.

“What happened?” asked the eldest physician when Jin Ling settled Sizhui down in bed.

“He just collapsed all of the sudden. And he seemed to have a fever because his skin was so hot.” Jin Ling answered as he stood next to the bed, looking down worriedly at Sizhui who was lying perfectly still. “Maybe that mark was the cause of it.”

“What mark?”

“There are something there at the side and around his neck.” Jin Ling pointed. The physician reached up to observe the spots Jin Ling was pointing. To his confusion and to Jin Ling’s surprise, there was nothing there except for Sizhui’s own skin.

***

“Was I seeing thing?” Jin Ling traced the skin lightly where he thought he had seen the mark. Even though there was nothing to see, he still kept his fingers lingering there. Strangely, he felt so contented to be in some contact with Sizhui. The last time they saw each other, they left with weird atmosphere around them. And that made Jin Ling uneasy. With his busy schedule and with Sizhui’s grounded, they'd never met since then. For all those time, Jin Ling couldn’t really describe the peculiar feelings circulating within him. But one thing he knew for sure was that he felt so incomplete.

Jin Ling was deep in thought when all of the sudden Sizhui’s body quivered and a whimper escaped his mouth. His head shook from side to side and a pain expression was shown on his face. Jin Ling was about to get out and called for physicians when something made his feet unable to move.

Tears were trickling down Sizhui’s cheeks through his closed eyes. He had never seen Sizhui shed tears before. Not once. The colorless tears meld with the gleam of the flickering candlelight rolled down his white cheeks, glinting flashes of silver shining all over his face. The sight was breathtakingly beautiful that Jin Ling watched until he forgot to breath. The whimper was getting louder and Jin Ling finally able to come back to his sense. He leaned down closer to comprehend what Sizhui was saying.

“Don’t go…please don’t leave me…please.” Sizhui whimpered. Tears were running down his cheeks nonstop just like a waterfall and his body was thrusting impatiently.

Jin Ling decided to calm him down by taking Sizhui’s hand in his. He held on to it gently but firmly, and gave it occasional squeezes. Sizhui seemed to calm down a little. With his free hand, he wiped the tears away from the cheeks but it kept on falling. It hurt him so bad to see Sizhui’s suffering. He was curious to know what was in Sizhui’s mind that made him cry like this. It was frustrating to not be able to do much help. But the very least to do was to provide the best comfort he could.

Without letting go of Sizhui’s hand, he got up and bent down towards Sizhui’s face. Jin Ling used his lips to dry the tears by trailing his lips upwards until he reach the eyes. He then gave the closed eyelid a soft kiss. He did the same with another side. Sizhui’s eyelashes fluttered under the kiss but they didn’t open. The method was effective immediately because tears stopped falling and Sizhui’s breath returned to normal.

Jin Ling’s face was so close to Sizhui that they could exchange breath. His pale cheeks were replaced by a dusting of red as his fever went down, and the aftermath made his lips dim rosy pink. Jin Ling felt his heart pounding inside his chest and his eyes couldn’t leave the gentle face in front of him at all.

It was true that he had no idea what Sizhui was thinking right at this moment. Nevertheless, he knew what his heart was thinking. “I won’t. I will never leave you no matter what. I’ll always be with you.” He closed his eyes and planted a long, soft peck on the tempted lips.

***

Sizhui woke up to a ceiling that he knew wasn’t the one in his own room. Tonight was the first night in weeks that he was able to sleep well without any exhausting dream. It was also the first night in a long while that he felt so warm and comforted. He gazed around the room and his eyes fell on Jin Ling, who was asleep next to him. He sat on the floor and rested his head on the bed. How he wished everyday would be like this. The peaceful sleeping face of Jin Ling urged Sizhui to touch his face. He tried lifting his hand but felt like he couldn’t. He thought it was due to the fever that made him too weak to move. Not until he turned to look at his hand did he realized his assumption was wrong. Sizhui smiled brightly when he realized that his hand was intertwining with Jin Ling’s in a tight clasp that would never get loose.

6 notes · View notes