#happened the other night and I’m still thinking abt it tbh

[underlyingocean]

Fuckin. Def one of the worst kinds of misgendering is for sure when someone gets it right by accident. And then when they clock you they profusely apologize and explain why they got it “wrong”.

And you kind of just have to either force a smile and jokey response. Or say they were right the first time and risk being seen as a threat/punching bag for being obviously trans. Hate that shit

[hwaflms]

round & round! ★ [ l.dh ]

{💭} hyuck : i suggested playing spin the bottle because i wanted to kiss you, but now everyone’s kissing you except me :/

[☆] pairing. haechan x reader, slight jaemin x reader ft. 00’ line, chaewon of lesserafim and sieun of stayc

[☆] genre. smut + fluff | stoner!nct, pwp bc it’s me

[☆] wc. 6.1k

[☆] warnings. explicit content (mdni), weed/marijuana use, lots of making out, slight choking, dirty talk, fingering, sexual stuff in a semi-public place, use of the word ‘slut’, very slight degradation, not very proofread, pretty tame tbh

[☆] notes. my first time writing again in like??? two years???? istg i didn’t mean to abandon this acc 😞 pls be nice i haven’t written in a while and this is not my most favourite work but i’m warming up for more stuff in da future i just wanted to post a lil self-indulgent smth abt hyuck bc bf☝️ idk how active i’ll be because of uni and other things but i missed u guys!!! any feedback is appreciated enjoy :p

even through the clouds of smoke engulfing the little living room of jeno and jaemin’s shared flat, your hooded eyes still met.

today was an important day amongst your friend group; it was chaewon’s first time smoking up with everyone. your friends weren’t really the type to pressure anyone into doing anything they weren’t sure about, but considering the astounding majority who enjoyed smoking some variation of weed, group sessions were a frequent occurrence. you either joined in or didn’t, chaewon being the latter until she decided of her own accord that she was going to try it with the people she trusted.

you sesh with jeno most often, seeing as he was the one who introduced you to weed and taught you everything you know about it. after weeks of listening to you complain about sleepless nights, jeno suggested you try smoking a joint before you go to bed, especially since it was starting to affect your attendance. (“i can’t keep attending these zoology classes without you, y/n. every time something stupid happens, i laugh and make a joke out loud because i forget you aren’t there, and now i’m pretty sure people think i’m either insane or just really fucking lonely”.)

now, smoking up has been a pretty regular occurrence, especially since jeno introduced you to a bunch of his friends and vice versa, all of you making up one big, happy group of stoners. chaewon and sieun were your friends who got along with everyone else just fine, and though they didn’t hang out with the others as much as you did, they were still welcome whenever.

presently, you are leaning back against the couch, all the way on the end, because jaemin is sprawled out alongside you, opting to rest his legs on your lap. haechan makes a joke that you don’t understand, but you laugh anyway along with everyone else, except renjun who covers up his laugh with cough.

“you can never let me have it, huh?”, hyuck scoffs, narrowing his eyes at renjun who’s mouth forms a thin line. “i know for a fact you find me funny.”

you hear that he makes a remark back at haechan but what he says doesn’t register in your head, everything sounding far away. remembering the special occasion, you turn to face chaewon and sieun, who are giggling away on the floor about something between the two of them. you don’t know what they said but you smile anyway. she clearly seemed like she was having a good trip, and so was everyone else.

swallowing nothing, you realise how dry your throat feels, and with that realisation came this undeniable desire for some form of liquid. “jen,”, you tilt your head back and call out to the boy who was already rolling another joint on the table behind you. “did you end up buying more coke?”

“check the fridge”, he mumbles without looking at you, tongue poking his cheek out of concentration as he focuses on what he was doing. with a groan, you heave jaemin’s legs off your lap, muttering a couple ‘sorry’s when he starts to complain about the change in position.

you all but float to the kitchen, heading straight for the fridge and spotting the fresh cans of coke placed neatly in the overcrowded appliance. the first gulp feels like heaven against your parched throat, taking a few more while standing there.

“you gonna share or no?”, a voice startles you, turning to find haechan’s figure looming right behind you with a dopey smile on his face.

“god, we need to get you a bell or something. i never hear you coming”, you roll your eyes before grabbing two glasses from the cabinet. you’re disappointed to see that there was no ice in their freezer, but you pour the drink into the glass anyway.

“why are you pouring it into a glass?”, haechan furrows his eyebrows, looking pointedly between the glass and the literal can in your hand. “now we have to wash two glasses when we could’ve just drank it from the can.”

he’s right, of course, but you’re not gonna tell him that. instead, you pretend that you were planning on adding some lemon juice to the drink because you saw it on instagram. while you figure he doesn’t believe you, he humours you anyway and tries your little concoction, which ends up being pretty damn good.

out of all of jeno’s friends, haechan definitely stood out to you. you didn’t really understand why, you were just drawn to him, even way back before you met him, when jeno used to tell you about his friends. “loud and annoying” were the words he used to describe him, but the smile that appeared on his face anyway let you know that he was someone special to jeno. this was not to say his other friends weren’t special, you got along incredibly well with all of them, meshing right in with their group.

as of right on cue, jaemin’s voice loudly sounds out from the living room, “are you guys fucking in there or what?”.

sighing, you pick up your glass and begin to walk out of the kitchen, but not before purposely knocking haechan’s shoulder when you walk past him, hearing him snort before following you out as you exit the room. perhaps if you had lingered in the kitchen for a couple seconds longer, you would’ve heard haechan muttering something along the lines of “i wish” under his breath.

“jeez, took you long enough, can i have some of that?”, renjun drawls, lifting himself off the armchair with a smile, to which you roll your eyes but pass him your glass anyway. you sit down on the floor opposite the couch and he looks as if he is about to compliment your drink-making skills before haechan cuts him off.

“dude, chaewon and sieun look like they’re about to fall asleep, let’s do something”, he half yawns out, opting to stroll over to your spot on the floor and sinking down next to you.

“not…sleepy…”, chaewon murmurs, but her voice is muffled because her cheek is pressed against sieun’s shoulder, both of them sprawled out on the floor like it was a comfortable bed.

“sure you aren’t…”, jeno chides with a smile, getting up from the table to walk over to where all of you were situated. he twirls his newly rolled joint between his fingers, finally holding it out in his palm as if it were some magical gadget, and if you were being fully honest, you were sold. “round 2? or 3, I can’t really remember…”

some words of agreement were muttered across the room, chaewon and sieun even groggily getting up from what looked like a very comfortable napping spot. another rotation began, and you made sure to blow out your smoke directly into an unsuspecting haechan’s face when it was your turn.

“let’s play a game or something”, jaemin suggests, taking a long puff and passing it to jeno who sat beside him, and soon the room was hazy once again, the smell of weed infiltrating your nostrils.

“like what?”, chaewon coughs weakly in between her hit and renjun pats her back before he hands her your coke that you hadn’t received back after you gave it to him. so long for that.

“monopoly?”, jeno offers with a shrug and haechan lets out an obnoxious snore as a reply, making you laugh but you cover it up with a cough when you meet jeno’s playfully narrowed eyes. “okay then, big guy, what’s your incredible idea?”

haechan appears to actually think about it for a moment, looking around the room for some sort of inspiration maybe, until his eyes land on you.

“okay jaemin, get that empty wine bottle from last week, we’re playing spin the bottle”, he is grinning from ear to ear, wiggling his eyebrows even though all his suggestion receives is a bunch of groans and sighs.

your eyebrows are raised however, and you try not to let your reaction show too much on your face. spin the bottle? you hadn’t played that since you were maybe fourteen, but that was the least of your concerns at the moment. haechan wanted to play spin the bottle? who was he hoping to kiss? or was it just a whimsical little suggestion that was more of a joke?

it didn’t fully seem like he meant it as a joke, judging by his expression as he awaited some actual responses from the group. “what are we, fourteen?”, renjun might as well have read your mind, but he soon joins you and haechan on the floor, the others following suit. jaemin presents the empty bottle and places it in the middle of the little circle you have formed, everyone seeming slightly more keen as the joint runs out.

maybe it was the thc talking, but it didn’t really seem like a bad idea to you anymore. you were all single, attractive and close enough that it wouldn’t make things weird, and most importantly, you wouldn’t mind getting more familiar with haechan’s lips.

you shocked your own self with the sudden lewd thoughts in your head about the male sitting next to you, squirming in your position slightly. he turns his head towards you like he could hear your thoughts (“shut up, y/n, he can’t hear your thoughts…right?”) and you swear his eyes soften a bit. “are you sure you wanna play?”, he asks softly, mistaking your tenseness for discomfort, but you shake your head a little too quickly for your liking.

“no, no, let’s play, it’s not like we have anything better to do, right?”, you feign indifference and after everyone else agrees, the bottle is spun for the first time by haechan.

much to renjun’s dismay, it lands on him, and it’s almost comical the way he looks at the bottle pointing at him before slowly looking up at haechan. “renjunnie, let me kiss you”, haechan whines in a high pitched tone while drawing out the “you”, puckering his lips expectantly. the next three minutes consist of renjun listing every single person he would rather kiss than haechan, and you’d have half the mind to volunteer yourself if you weren’t clutching at your sides laughing at the whole exchange, slapping at both jeno and sieun who tried and failed to dodge your waving hands.

renjun finally relents when chaewon suggests he lets him kiss his cheek instead, but haechan is no quitter so he makes sure that he plants the loudest, most wet kiss on his face before sighing in victory when he sits back down. renjun is not the most happy with this, and he tells jaemin to take his turn instead while he rushes off to the bathroom to wash his face. hyuck looks indignant, calling out behind renjun, asking if he wants another one.

taking the turn instead of renjun, jaemin spins the bottle harshly, and it spins and spins and spins for what seemed like an eternity. your eyes are so focused on the way the bottle looks as it spins that you don’t even notice that it has stopped, until jeno nudges you with his shoulder. it’s neck is pointed directly at you, and you finally look up from your trance at jaemin, who wears an undeniable smirk on his face.

while you didn’t exactly see him that way, there was absolutely no denying that jaemin was a very attractive man, and he was no different presently, the sleeves of his hoodie rolled up as he propped himself up with his arms, looking at you expectantly.

you don’t want to look at haechan right now, because you can see out of the corner of your eye that his face is looking straight forward, not at you or jaemin, just forward. you wonder what is going through his head, but your thoughts are cut short when jaemin scoots closer to you in the circle.

“are you okay with this?”

and when you think about, you are. “yeah, i mean it’s just a game”, you reply, not wanting to ruin the fun or raise any suspicions, to which jaemin agrees and inclines his head towards you.

he kisses you, more fully than you were expecting, but you had no complaints really as you kissed him back, titling your head in the opposite direction to slip your lips over his. you wonder if your lips were as dry as they felt, and in the back of your mind it registers that your friends are watching you kiss your other friend because they hoot and giggle, but you can’t really bring yourself to care.

jaemin’s lips taste sweet and he smells sweet, his touch soft as he brings a hand up to your cheek, gently holding it while he continues kissing you. it probably wasn’t as long as it felt, but jaemin finally pulls away, the remnants of his sweet chapstick lingering on your lips. you are aware of how hot your face feels when you pull away and return to your spot, tucking your hair behind your ears.

“dude, what chapstick do you use?”, you ask after clearing your throat, and jaemin rummages in his pant pocket for a moment before whipping out a cute pink tube, holding it out in front of him. “strawberry dream, baby”, he winks, reapplying it on his lips. “never go anywhere without it.”

renjun returns after god knows how long, stating that he had to re-do his skin care routine because haechan had completely thrown off his skin’s ph balance, and is saddened to hear that he missed witnessing you and jaemin.

the game continues in a steadfast manner for the next couple of rounds thanks to haechan insisting we play one more round, though it doesn’t exactly go in the manner you were hoping for. the group is practically in tears after watching jeno and jaemin share an awkward kiss, chaewon arguing that they can’t claim “no homo” because it was the most homo thing she’d seen in a while, and that was saying a lot because she was, in fact, gay.

you have now kissed sieun, jaemin once again and an especially endearing renjun, who’s cheeks and tips of his ears are painted a bright red after you plant a full peck on his waiting lips. haechan grumbles something about renjun not having kissed anyone besides his mom to explain his reaction, but jeno is quick to cut renjun off before another argument ensues.

“i don’t know about you guys, but i think that’s enough exchanging of saliva for one day”, he all but sighs, lying down on the floor dramatically. while you do agree, you’re disheartened, because not once has the bottle landed on you when spun by haechan, or the other way around. it feels like the universe is fucking with you, because really how many times can you spin a bottle between a group of seven people and not have it land on the one person you want to kiss even once.

haechan looks like he wants to say something, but appears to decide against it in the end, stretching and standing up. it is then mutually agreed by everyone that it was time to watch a movie.

“super bad?”, jaemin proposes, and even though most people had already watched the movie, no one argues against it and jeno starts setting up the movie on their big screen tv.

settling into the couch, you glance over at haechan and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t feeling a tad bit disappointed. this whole spin the bottle thing makes you wonder about all the other times where you could have had an opportunity to make a move on the brown-haired boy.

you’d gone on long drives together, gone partying, even drank with just each other a couple of times. the closest the two of you had ever come to crossing that line was while you where dancing at a party and his arms were looped around your waist from behind, slowly swaying to the beat. you’d danced with him tons of times before that but you recall thinking the air was a little different than normal, more heated, but you also recall mistaking renjun for your professor, so you didn’t trust yourself. the moment came and went, and neither of you ever had the balls to address it, and now it had been way too long since to bring it up.

“this seat taken?”, haechan snaps you out of your bitter thoughts, jerking his head towards the spot on the couch next to you. you clear your throat and shake your head, scooting over slightly so he could sink down next to you. “what’s up, y/n, you look a little…not present. you still high?”

it’s funny because your mind certainly wasn’t present, it was in the gutter, but you choose to blame the weed. “yeah, i’m still high”, you answered truthfully, and so was he, his red, hooded eyes a dead giveaway.

“okay, perfect, i wanted to show you this stupid tiktok i saw”, he’s pulling his phone out of his pocket and leaning closer to you to show you some video of a cat, or maybe a dog, you weren’t paying attention. he laughs at whatever the animal did, the corner of his eyes crinkling as he does so, and you observe him instead of watching. when he doesn’t hear you laugh, he peeks over at you but you’re quick to turn your head back to his phone, letting out a very late giggle at the video.

if he did catch you, he doesn’t mention it, continuing to scroll and show you more videos. jeno finally gets the movie set up and turns off the lights, taking up the final seat left on the couch. the movie begins, and everyone falls into a comfortable silence bar hyuck, who makes the occasional comment that earns him a snort from you each time.

at some point during the movie, haechan stretches his arms out behind him, placing his arm on the head of the couch directly behind you. glancing at him quickly, you can’t tell whether the action was purposeful or not, because if it was, he was doing a very good job of looking nonchalant. you try your best to ignore it, but his hand is resting directly above your shoulder, inches away from touching you- but it never does.

you had never noticed what nice hands haechan had before. long and slender, nails clipped short and clean, his middle, ring and index finger adorned with various silver rings. you note that he wears three rings on his left hand, but none on his right. his right hand sits on top of one of his thighs, two of his fingers drumming against it following some rhythm going on in his head. his fingers are long, and the only thing you can think about is just how nice they would feel inside–

no, no, no, stop it, since when are you this horny?

you realise stressing out about how horny you are all of a sudden is just going to lead to a bad trip and you don’t want that, and you want to clear your head. even though you’re feeling a different kind of thirsty, you figure a distraction for a couple minutes would be helpful, so you excuse yourself to go get some water, jumping up from the couch and walking towards the kitchen. unbeknownst to you, haechan’s watchful eyes follow your figure as you exit the room.

finally away and in the kitchen, you fill up a glass and lean over the sink, closing your eyes to collect yourself. you can finish the movie without driving yourself crazy over haechan, right? tonight is no different than any other hangout and you don’t want to weird haechan out with your unnecessary staring and poorly concealed thirsting. you just need to stop thinking about his stupid hands, his stupid thighs, his stupid hair and his stupid kissable lips. “kissable? lock in, y/n, lock in…”

“who are you talking to?”

you wince but don’t turn around, eyes screwed shut tightly. you’ve been gone for a couple minutes and you don’t know when he left the room, but you put down the glass and turn to face him.

“what’s got you so jumpy?”, he questions, leaning against the counter. his arms are folded and his gaze is piercing, face tilted slightly to the left as he observes you. this is the second time he’s startled you in the kitchen today and also happens to be the very reason you’ve been so jumpy.

“nothing, i just…god, you need to starting announcing your entry into a room, dude…”

he furrows his eyebrows but lets out a chuckle anyway, slowly sauntering over to where you stood. eyes never leaving yours, he now stands directly in front of you, caging you in between the sink and his body. the closer proximity and dim lighting isn’t helping your case in the slightest, feeling all hot and bothered as if there was a sudden change in temperature. “what’s happening? you’re usually never like this, we’ve smoked up together so many times. are you having a bad trip?”

you understand why he might think that, what with your jerky movements, dazed staring and just overall disconnected demeanour. while you were wound up a little tighter than usual, you weren’t having a bad trip, your mind was just very slightly preoccupied. “no, hyuck, i’m fine, i just…needed some water”, it’s a half-lie you tell, choosing to not tell him the full truth for the sake of your own pride.

“you just seem…off”, he seems to pick his words carefully, eyes roaming over the expanse of your face. “no, i just…”, you trail off to try and find the words to explain this situation away, but he’s just looking at you so intensely. it’s so silent in the room and the air feels all too still, and you swear you’re trying to speak coherently but haechan switches his weight to his other leg, wetting his lips with his tongue while he awaits an answer and you just freeze. “i…”

“‘i’ what? see? you’re doing it again”, he starts, running a hand through his hair, and the muted light that leaks in through the window illuminates only one half of his face, but you can see him so clearly that even the way his pretty eyelashes brush against his cheek when he blinks doesn’t go unnoticed by you. you’re subconsciously chewing on your bottom lip, feeling a little like a deer caught in headlights. “you have this look in your eye. like you wanna…”

“…what?”

everything is still and unmoving, until your eyes zero in on haechan’s hand as he raises it, slowly bringing it to graze his fingers over your cheek. his touch leaves a burning hot trail on your skin and using his thumb, he releases your bottom lip from under your teeth, hand lingering cautiously for a fleeting moment before he drops it.

“like what, haechan?”, you repeat yourself, urging him to just say whatever it is he has to say, getting tired of this back and forth. you could sell a kidney just to see what was going on in his mind right now, because he looks torn between speaking his mind and just staying silent.

“like you want to kiss me.”

a few beats of complete and utter silence pass, not even hearing the dull sound of the television in the living room anymore over the thudding of your heart in your ears. haechan takes a small and tentative step towards your frozen figure, gripping the counter you’re using to lean against with his right hand, effectively trapping you in your place. now you really are a deer caught in headlights, because he’s spoken what you’ve been thinking about for the past couple hours into existence and he is absolutely correct.

“am i wrong, pretty?”

judging by your sharp intake of breath and open-mouthed expression, you’d have to be a fool to think otherwise. he looks as if he’s waiting for you to answer him regardless, giving you a chance to get out of this, but your voice is no longer functioning, and it takes all the strength in your body to shake your head ‘no’.

his eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips, tongue peeking out to lick his lips again. “i suggested playing spin the bottle because i wanted to kiss you”, his voice is strained as he admits this, quiet and careful like he’s holding back while his eyes are trained on yours like he’s daring you to break eye contact. you don’t. “but then everyone else was kissing you but me.”

normally you would giggle at his little frown, but all you can muster up is a whisper of his name, finally breaking his all-consuming eye contact in favour of looking at his lips again. you don’t know who moves first, but the next thing you know is your lips are pressed together in a fierce kiss, your hands tangled in his soft, brown locks while he grip your waist and pull you into him.

he kisses you like a man starved and you do the same with equal fervour, not even being able to process that your little daydream is coming true. his hand comes up to caress your cheek, soon moving down your neck after stroking your face softly, using it to tilt your head for you. the position of his hand is very purposeful because his thumb presses into your throat ever so slightly, but his grip is still tight enough that you couldn’t break the kiss (not that you wanted to, anyway). the other hand snakes around your waist and pulls you impossibly closer, pressing his hips into yours.

you’re positively drunk off the feeling of haechan’s lips molding over yours and you think you might just ascend when he tugs on your bottom lip with his teeth, using the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. body on fire, you mewl against his lips, swirling your own tongue around his while he slowly but surely bucks his hips into yours.

no wards are spoken while your hands thread through his hair, pulling on it and letting out a sound of surprise into his mouth when his hand trails down to your ass and grips it harshly. he finally releases you from the searing kiss, but he doesn’t let you catch your breath, instead spinning you around in his hold so that his front presses tightly into your back, hands slipping around your waist from behind. this feels like a déjà vu kind of moment because you are reminded of the time when you both were dancing in this exact position, except this time you were getting exactly what you wanted.

“you know how bad i wanted this?”, his voice echoes your thoughts and breaks the silence, hands running up and down your front in a teasing manner. lifting your shirt up slightly, he trails his fingers over the exposed skin of your torso and the action makes you squirm in his hold a little, and much to your surprise, he groans lewdly against your ear. “fuck, i’ve been thinking of this for so long. kissing you, having my hands all over you…”

you get the sense he’s talking more to himself than you, but you revel in it nonetheless. his hand grips your jaw and squishes your cheeks together so your lips form a pout, forcing it to the side where he plants one, two, three kisses to your puckered mouth. his other hand slips further up your shirt where he brazenly cups your boob through your bra, fondling one of them while his tongue peeks out to flick at your bottom lip.

you’re putty in his arms, all gasps and squirms and whispered ‘haechan’s. “what, baby?”, he mumbles into your cheek, the hand gripping your jaw letting go in order to slink down to your hip where it lingers for a moment. “what do you want?”

your lack of answer doesn’t bode well with him, earning you a tight squeeze to your hip as a kind of warning. “need you to touch me”, you whisper out defeatedly, and you feel haechan laugh mockingly against your face.

“yeah? need me to touch you?”, he mimics your voice while tutting, letting his hand slip further down to where you needed him the most, but not letting you have it just yet. “think you can be a good girl and keep quiet for me? we don’t need everyone outside hearing what a little slut you’re being in here.”

everyone outside. the fact that you were just a room away from all your friends who were sat watching a fun little movie together had completely slipped your mind, but if you were being honest, you couldn’t find it in you to give a shit. everything about your current disposition was so dirty. one hand under your shirt, the other about two seconds away from fingering you right in the middle of your friends’ kitchen, while said friends were sat outside, unaware of the goings-on under their own roof.

though you didn’t think actually getting caught in this position would be the most pleasant experience, the idea of it dampened your panties and caused you to whine out loud, tilting your head back against haechan’s shoulder. you receive an immediate hand clamped over your mouth in return, haechan tutting in your ear condescendingly. “looks like the little slut can’t follow a simple request.”

even though he reprimands you, his hands begin fumbling with the button of your jeans anyway, undoing it and pulling the zipper down. one hand comes up to wrap around your front and rests on your shoulder, holding you in place, and the other he sticks down your pants and cups your heat but makes no effort to move, chuckling when you try to move yourself against it. his crotch ruts against the swell of your ass and for you, any friction is better than no friction at the moment. with one hand gipping the arm around your shoulder, you slip the other behind you to palm at his hard cock over his pants, making him let out a sound of approval.

“please, hyuck”, you shake your face free of his hand and turn to look him in the eye, and he grips your throat and presses a chaste kiss to your lips.

he seems to accept your plea, finally moving his hand against you and you breathe a sigh of relief, lost in the feeling of his fingers rubbing circles on your clit over your wet underwear. he’s quick to slip his hand inside your panties, cold fingers pressed directly on to your bare pussy, spreading your wetness all over you. when he ultimately slips a finger into your tight, waiting core, you moan but it’s cut short when he slaps his hand over your mouth again. “keep. quiet.”

if someone were to walk in, the two of you would be a sight to see. you writhing in his tight hold while his hand is stuffed in your pants, two fingers pistoning in and out of you at a fast pace as his forehead is pressed against the side of your face, releasing short breaths. you look positively fucked out, and you’re both in a state of complete bliss as you grind against each other in a timely rhythm.

“my pretty girl. if i had known you wanted this too, i would’ve just grabbed you and kissed you like i wanted, in front of everyone.”

his voice is honey-like and sultry, and his fingers are nothing short of heavenly. they pump in and out of you, and he still manages to use his thumb to toy with your clit in this position, leaving you breathless and on the edge. “can’t believe jaemin and renjun got to kiss you before me.”

you’re so wet that your cunt makes downright sinful noises as he fingers you and you’re hoping that it isn’t really as loud as it seems. “you’re so wet, angel. so this is what had you all jumpy today”, he laughs like he’s stating the obvious, and you’d have half the mind to feel shy if his ministrations didn’t feel so fucking good right now.

you’re aware that you’re close and so is he because you’re clenching around his fingers, so he quickens his pace both inside you and against your clit. “you gonna cum for me, baby? right here, in the middle of kitchen, while everyone’s outside?”, he purrs against your face and you grip the part of his arm that isn’t shoved in your pants, digging your nails into his skin in a way that’s sure to leave a mark. his words make you feel dirty in the best way, not even knowing you could feel this turned on.

he peppers kisses along your jaw and neck, sucking here and there, and through the pale moonlight bleeding into the room from the window, the red blemishes that begin to bloom on your skin are visible to hyuck, and he seems pleased with his artwork. “that’s it, sweetheart, let go for me.”

your moans are muffled against his palm when you finally come, the orgasm ripping through you so strongly that you go limp in his hands, legs almost buckling at the sensation. with the added boost of the weed you smoked earlier, your orgasm is immense, feeling it pulse through your body until it’s too much, whining and wriggling in haechan’s firm hold. he holds you still and helps you ride out your high, whispering utterances of “that’s right, baby” and “my good girl” into your ear while you throw your head back and try to regulate your breathing.

in a moment, his hand slips out of your pants, turning you back around so you’re now facing him, grinning down at you from ear to ear as if you both hadn’t just defiled jaemin and jeno’s kitchen. “you feeling okay?”, he mumbles, tucking your hair behind your ear with the hand that wasn’t soaked, pressing a number of kisses all over your face as you nod and giggled, trying to evade his attack. he lets you go just to wash his hands, and it’s when he dries his wet hands on the material of his pants that you notice his raging boner, immediately feeling bad.

“wait hyuck, let me–“

as if he’s reading your mind once again, he shakes his head and takes both of your hands into his, wrapping them around his own waist while pulling you into him. “we can save that for another time, pretty”, he insists, his expression turning shy when he realises the implications behind his words. “that is, i-if you want another time, of course–“

it’s your turn to cut him off this time, but you do so by leaning up and connecting your lips again, bring a hand up to stroke his cheek. “of course i want another time, hyuck. i want this. i want you.”

your assurances do good to bring a smile to his pretty face, taking ahold of the hand on his cheek and pressing his lips to your skin gently, lovingly. “so, so, perfect.”

taking note of the prolonged amount of time the two of you had been gone, you skulk back into the living, but this time, hand in hand.

the scene you’re greeted with is a surprising one, because you find every single one of your friends to be sound asleep, much to your amusement and hyuck’s dismay. “so you’re telling me i could’ve been hearing you moan the whole time and none of these idiots would have even known?”, he is appalled, a hand coming up to rub at his face out of frustration. “i did all that for nothing?”

“i wouldn’t say for nothing”, you reveal, biting your lip and smiling up at the boy shyly. “i might have woken them up.”

“oh yeah, well now you’re going to”, and with that, he’s dragging you back to the kitchen while you giggle, nearly tripping over your own feet before he all but scoops you up in his arms, muttering to himself about having left something in the kitchen that needed urgent fetching.

[iluvpjo]

HII !!

HEAR ME OUT. Charlie is definitely a thigh guy,he loveeeees to just lay on ur thighs and kiss them and theyre js so squishy and UGH.

I think he'd be very sweet in general like if you had scars (Sh or just normal scars) he's definitely kiss them and tell you how beautiful they are

REMEMBER TO EAT ENOUGH AND STAY HYDRATED !! 🫂

-🌻

𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓰𝓱 𝓖𝓾𝔂

Synopsis: Charlie being a thigh guy, basically headcanons but also not rlly ??? Idk what this is tbh

Warning(s): IT GETS NSFW! MDNI, thigh stuff, talks abt scars, talks abt sh (in its own seperate bit so ur able to avoid it, I’ll put a warning there)

Pairing: Charlie Bushnell x fem reader (could be seen as GN except for one part where he calls u a sweet girl but you can just imagine otherwise if u wish!)

Word count: 528 words

Notes: I tried to write this n tumblr closed on me n didn’t save my draft ARGH 😭 but I’m so sorry I been away for a moment.. on an unrelated note last night I dreamt abt cuddling w Charlie n omfg

ALSO I’m so sorry it’s a lil short ahhh

Come find me on AO3!

Send me a request! Here’s my req rules!

(NSFW-ish!) Charlie whenever he sits beside you will always have a hand on you wether it be on your shoulder or on your knee, or other times where he’ll be squishing you’re thigh under the table in public somewhere. He of course does this at home too, and occasionally if he feels like it sometimes his hand will wander upwards. He still likes to do it nonsexually though, squeezing softly whenever he wants your attention.

(NSFW!) He would love to kiss your thighs while laying between your legs, often using it to tease you and not touch you where you need it the most. He also gets a little distracted, the feeling of your warm cushy thighs near his face can easily make him lose time. Charlie will kiss softly at your thighs, but he will also nip them gently too between his teeth just to watch you yelp and whine.

He would definitely get super hard from eating you out, I mean just in general, but especially when you cum undone and you squeeze your thighs around his head. Fuckkk he’d be in heaven, and he’d let you know that too when he dives back in for round two and has you repeating the same actions over and over. He will do it until you tell him to calm down, but if you don’t then I’m sure he’d be going on forever and ever until something inevitably disrupts the two of you.

(Scar stuff, more specifically sh) If he noticed you had scars on your thighs he wouldn’t be quick to point them out, maybe he’d spend a little extra time kissing over the marks or trailing them gently with his finger tips if they were healed. If they weren’t healed fully though maybe he’d ask about them, cooing softly for you to talk to him about what happened to make you do it. He’d leave it if you didn’t wanna talk about it though, simply comforting you with gentle kisses and cuddles.

“Don’t look at them..” You’d say, perhaps being a little insecure about them when his eyes would linger a little too long on your thighs, and Charlie would smile up at you dumbly before placing soft pecks to them and saying “Why not? Your thighs are so beautiful.” And you’d grow a little flustered. “No, they’re not, my scars-“ he wouldn’t even let you finish the thought about them, because he’d butt in and say “Your scars are beautiful sweet girl, I ‘dunno what you’re talking about..” and then his voice would get muffled n a lil quieter as he gets lost in the feeling of ur soft plushy thighs and he keeps leaving kisses all over them, his hands gripping at them like they’re his favourite thing in the world (and they are, after you as a whole of course.)

[galedekarios]

seeing @mercymaker's own post about the "apology" made me feel confident enough to air my own feelings about it now that i have had a night to think it over and not internalise it anymore.

i'm not going to further belabour the point again how this "apology" is not an apology at all, but a statement where he doubles down on everything, omitting important facts, twisting truths, dancing around the issue at heart, and so much more.

it's frankly exhausting at this point.

i want to address one thing specifically however since he thought it was prudent to dedicate an entire paragraph to it in his "apology".

the fact that he wrote this:

"Truthfully I am not sure when or if I’ll begin creating again but I will continue to ask for permission to credit/use someone’s works if I feel like I’m inspired like I honestly had been doing following the late March situation. I do not expect any forgiveness or positive reactions to come out of this tbh, I just know an apology was warranted and deserved. This time I’m actually taking a step back to evaluate it."

after he just said this:

"To one gifset in particular, the hands set, that gifset was honestly a pure coincidence/accident. I truthfully had no idea that the blog had done something similar first. Hands are a common theme in Gales romance that I picked up on and I had no idea a similar set was done prior. I can say this about other sets too but it was this one in particular that I can honestly say was an honest coincidence/accident. And I couldn’t have known that those scenes/themes bore any special significance to that blog. Also I want to acknowledge I was never seeking “mutualship” but more so I enjoyed them as a creator and most likely had tumblr technical issues. I’m sorry if my actions ever made you feel unsafe, that’s the last thing I’d want to make someone feel :/"

it's just... absolutely vile to me.

first off, i have to ask: which is it? are you "apologising" or are you still trying to pretend that the concepts gifs i created and you stole are "common" things that you "picked up on" and "had no idea a similar set was done prior", which you could "say about other sets too"?

i'm confused at this point...

i'm being facetious here. i'm not. he's not sorry. he's sorry he got caught. again. and that, this time, it reached other parts of the fandom that it previously didn't, where he couldn't lie anymore about how all of this is just a case of people bullying him, of people being exclusive and clique-y.

i don't understand why he singled that set out in his "apology", however, other than that he must know by at this point that it's the one gifset that most upset me. not only because he stole it twice, but because it is so meaningful to me.

so... let's look at the facts here:

he followed me from early on, ever since my blog got traction in the bg3 fandom after the full release of the game

he engaged with me via messages and comments at around this time

there was no talk abt this theme specifically in relation to gale until after my meta and gifset gained traction, despite being a set containing an original character, which generally does worse in terms of engagement

he stole several other of my concept gifsets that i posted around this period in time (gale + missing waterdeep, gale + saying i love you, gale of waterdeep vs gale dekarios, one of my oc compilation sets)

he contacted me to remake a gifset in particular that was an older set as well, just like the hands set

i showed side by comparisons in my original post (same scenes, same frames, same framing, same caption) and it was so blatant to the point of where several people reached out to me, confused if the copy is actually my set or reblogging it, thinking it was mine

i think it's pretty obvious what actually happened, considering the context and, to be honest, at this point i don't think even he believes his own lies anymore.

all i can say is that this was not about apologising - none of this was - it was about trying to save face and doubling down.

[stewieonthewall]

give us the rants about anything honestly 🤩

basketball, pazzi, life

doesn’t matter and honestly it’s kinda cool hearing about how everyone is doing

oh my god i love basketball !! i’ve been seeing so many ppl (new fans) talking abt how the W doesn’t hit the same and they just can’t get into it and that is not a take i can understand at ALL. like i get not wanting to watch every team bc sometimes it is painful but they’re missing out fr! some W thoughts:

ok so what exactly is going on w the aces like? not even a hot take anymore to say they won’t 3peat which is still crazy to me lowk… why does a’ja suddenly have no help why is everyone on one i just ???

speaking of crazy HOW are the indiana fever a .500 team how the fuck did that happen. caitlin took that espn rookie ranking personally i think bc she went insane last night

watching the sparks put on a tanking masterclass is rough bc i love them so bad but ugh is it a tough watch sometimes plus i miss cam so so bad :(

🔥🔥what the hell is going on in washington🔥🔥 🗣️matter of fact i don’t wanna know🗣️#freeli🚨

lately every storm game seems to have the goal of giving me a heart attack but hey at least they clinched that playoff spot🫡 oh and GABBY IS BACKKK and don’t get me started on her and marine

i’m so excited for college ball to start again like i cannot wait to see pazzi on the court tg :) kiki abt to be a PROBLEM y’all aren’t even ready 😋 oh and there’s so many canadian freshies for me to support!!

and tbh my life is kinda hell but what’s new? school stays kicking my ass and maybe i wanna ******* but that’s a whole other thing right

feeling so insane and there’s sm i wanna do but unfortunately i’m broke and have no free time

aanyway how are y’all?

[raffa-taff]

HI UM UR PROBABLY NOT GONNA FIND THIS LMAO BUT I LUV UR ART AND I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR THE BH ALPHONSE HEADCANONS U MENTIONED IN YOUR ART A WHILE AGO SRY

Sorry this took so long BUT headcanons!! Above is pretty much all (that I can remember atm) my physical hcs for Alphonse :)

Other hcs:

I don’t have too many hcs about Alphonse that aren’t based on his physical appearance, but here are a few

* I think his hair is important to him especially when he was in the armour because it’s the one thing about his physical appearance that he had control over, aside from maybe the loincloth thing he wears. I might draw a little mini comic abt this hc someday, so when his hair had to be cut in briggs he was really upset (which he was actually pretty upset in canon so it’s kind of building on that in a way?) . I also like to think that sometimes they braid each others hair or do other things with it.

* He loves music, especially the type of music that makes you want to dance. Another thing I like thinking about relating to this is him maybe taking a walk during the night and watching live performances in local pubs etc. He has to have some sort of feeling being in the armour I think otherwise I don’t think he’d be able to move as well as he does, maybe not a physical feeling but I think he can maybe sense vibrations which is why I think he would like music, especially LOUD music.

* He has a bit of a stronger accent than Ed does (they both have pretty heavy country accents imo and I love seeing things like that included in fan work) mostly because Ed does most of the talking and had to deal with higher-ups etc therefore trying to hide his accent a bit because of maybe not being taken seriously.

* This is purely projection but the elrics are Irish, I’m Irish so THEY ARE TOO. Or at least half.

* Nightmares 😁 horrible, horrible nightmares. I feel like the things he’s been through get ignored sometimes by a lot of fans. Eds already sort of had the worst of his nightmares but since Alphonse only got his body back AFTER like almost every single traumatic thing happened to him I think he would have them pretty intensely and for a while, it would probably take a long time for them to settle down.

* A fear of blood, or at least others blood. You do not go through things like carrying your blood-covered, dying older brother to get help and someone literally being murdered inSIDE of you without developing some sort of fear or trauma response when it comes to blood I think

* He tries to pick up an instrument or two over time and tries to get Ed to aswell, I think he’d probably play piano or something like a fiddle maybe

* Has autism and PTSD along with a probably not great immune system

* Has a lot of trouble seeing himself as a person and not just an object. Times when, for example, people grab his helmet and chuck it or the multiple times people take control of his body without his consent. The little comic I did recently kind of explores it and is sort of another little hc I have for him where even though he can’t feel gestures like hugs or pats on the back etc he still likes it for the most part because it makes him feel more human (but I feel like that’s kind of canon tbh) little comic linked below v :]

That’s all! For the moment at least, long post, very sorry again!

[absolutelynooneaskedforthis]

MILLION DOLLAR GIRL

Cole McWard x Old Money!reader

for clarification y/n is not related to the hughes she’s just rlly close with them and is practically a sister to them and Trevor. The title is a play on “Million Dollar Man” by Lana Del Rey

liked by colemcward, _quinnhughes, _eliaspettersson and 12k others

y/n.user one for the money, and two for the show 🫶🏻💋

tagged: colemcward

see comments…

_quinnhughes leave my son ALONE.

jackhughes when do i get to meet the little guy?

y/n.user Jack Rowden Hughes i swear to god.

jackhughes sorry mom

colemcward what am i marrying into

-quinnhughes who said anything abt marrying?

y/n.user this is why i said don’t say anything 🤦🏻‍♀️

colemcward i had fun seeing you cry over paintings from 200 years ago!! 💚

y/n.user this is not funny (i love you) 💙

user1 i will cry

_quinnhughes me too tbh

trevorzegras y/n can pull?!?

y/n.user do you not remember senior year?

trevorzegras NVM ABANDON SHIP ABORT MISSION 🚨🚨

y/n.user that’s what i thought Zegras

colemcward what happened senior year 🤨

trevorzegras nothing coley

_quinnhughes he had a HUGE crush on y/n and wanted to asked her to prom

trevorzegras i then realized that she was basically my sister and i told her abt it like two months later before she moved to Ohio and i lost feelings LMAO

y/n.user HE ALMOST ASKED ME TOO I REMEMBER WE WERE IN SCIENCE AND HE WENT TO ASK ME SOMETHING AND STUMBLED ON HIS WORDS LMAOO

trevorzegras Sweet mother of Christ

colemcward I’M CRYING JESUS

y/n.user hes literally crying rn i’m not kidding

trevorzegras i’m glad one of us thinks this is funny

jackhughes HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABT THIS?!?

lhughes_06 you were too busy with your gf at the time 🙄

_quinnhughes yeah jack we tried to tell you but you didn’t think it was funny

jackhughes i cannot recall this

lhughes_06 it was the night y/n did her taylor swift album slideshow

jackhughes OH YES I DO REMEMBER LMAOO

y/n.user you got pissed at me that i put 1989 and speak now at 1 and 2

jackhughes BECAUSE FEARLESS IS SEVERELY UNDERRATED

y/n.user I PUT IT AT 3??

jackhughes IT DESERVES A FIRST PLACE GOLD PRIZE

colemcward do you still have the slideshow @/y/n.user ??

y/n.user yes, Cole

colemcward i know what we’re doing tonight…🤗

y/n.user sweet baby christ

liked by _quinnhughes, y/n.user, trevorzegras and 4k others

colemcward she’s kinda like a prettier jesus 💙💚

tagged: y/n.user

see comments…

y/n.user i love you so much oh my god

colemcward i love you too, pretty girl

_quinnhughes i will vomit (this is so cute)

trevorzegras you’re ruining the moment, huggy

colemcward yeah dad. stop.

y/n.user DAD IS SO FUNNY UR KIDDING

_quinnhughes is this what having kids feels like?

jackhughes you would know, father of the year 🏆

trevorzegras be nice to my sister

y/n.user we’re not related, Z

colemcward i don’t intend to hurt her ever. i’m being so dead serious rn

trevorzegras he passed.

y/n.user TREVOR ELIZABETH ZEGRAS

trevorzegras JOKES ON YOU I DON’T HAVE A MIDDLE NAME HAHA

colemcward you have one now. And it’s Elizabeth

trevorzegras ik 😔

jackhughes BRING HIM TO NJ SO WE CAN GO TO NYC TOGETHER PLEASE

y/n.user STOP BEGGING MY BOYFRIEND TO GO SEE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA WITH YOU

colemcward I WILL GO IF SHE LETS ME JACK I PROMISE 🫡

y/n.user fine.

colemcward YESSS

jackhughes WE WONN

y/n.user not quite…

jackhughes you’re coming too?!

y/n.user 🤗

jamie.drysdale DUDE THE VAN GOGH EXIBIT IS SO FREAKING COOL

colemcward IK WE WERE TRIPPING OUT IT WAS SO FUN

y/n.user we both cried too 😊

colemcward we said that would never leave the museum

y/n.user i had my legs crossed

colemcward DAMN IT

y/n.user FORGET ALL THE TEARS YOU’VE CRIED

colemcward ITS OVEERRRRR

trevorzegras IT’S A NEW STATE OF MIND

y/n.user ARE YOU COMING MY BABY?!

jackhughes we can NOT let the three of them in the same house together. Ever.

y/n.user the lake house should be fun…

jackhughes QUINNN

_quinnhughes what do you want me to do?

jackhughes take care of them.

_quinnhughes why? solar power is literally one of the best songs on Lorde’s discography

jackhughes you too?! i’ve been betrayed

lhughes_06 get used to it, Jackeline. In this house, we stan Lorde

jackhughes quinny doesn’t live with us?

lhughes_06 THE METAPHORICAL HOUSE ROWDY

y/n.user you tell ‘em lukey pookie

_quinnhughes i hope you all seek help before i have to share a house with you this summer

colemcward don’t worry, dad. well fix em up before june !!

_quinnhughes thanks, son

y/n.user crying rn bc of my boyfriend and his father 🥹

[fin-the-fissssssh]

yo hatchetfield oc post time :P (1st pic is a picrew, 2nd and 3rd are my art)

Harper Kimura

Pronouns: she/they

Age: 19

Height: 5’2”

Birthday: February 5th

Gender: Cis Female (gnc as fuck tho lmao)

Sexuality: Omnisexual

Parents: Yuto and Ren Kimura

Significant Other: Phoebe Brooks (another hf oc, i’ll make a post abt her one day when i have more lore figured out)

i stg one day i’ll make an updated ref of them with color sobs

fun facts/lore

voice claim is kimiko glenn (bc comedy)

japanese-american 3/4 japanese, 1/4 white)

they have an emotional support doggo (fuckin big ol grey akita ouppy) named mochi :D

harper and phoebe live together! they have an apartment

they’re kinda flatchested but tbh they couldn’t give less of a fuck

they have a lotus flower tattoo in memory of their parents on their shoulder blade (like. back shoulder. idk anatomy lmfao) :((

they do actually have living relatives! harper’s grandparents on her dad’s side are both alive, just out of state, and her grandma on her mom’s side lives in clivesdale (only to stay away from the starry children, she fucking hates clivesdale still), tho her maternal gpa is dead unfortunately :((

one of the few things she kept from childhood was the necklace with the blue crystal pendant from her mom, she was given it the night before her parents died

harp actually has a nice singing voice, but they REFUSE to sing bc of pokey, the most they do is hum or vary rarely sing along to the radio

so harper’s connected to pokey.

think like,,, venom parasite minus the transformation stuff. harper was forced to be a vessel for pokey in a ritual by the starry children, but the ritual never got to finish. harp’s still kinda tethered to pokey and a bit infected. they wanna be a pilot one day and leave hatchetfield with phoebe but *god* it’s hard when there’s an eldritch horror who sometimes pops into their thoughts or dreams to fuck with em.

backstory (subject to change bc i’m indecisive as fuck <3)

Harper used to be a happy kid, until the Starry Children came for her family, both to claim harper to eventually be a temporary vessel for pokey, and because they had a grudge against her parents since they witnessed some of the shit the cult was up to. Harp was hidden away the night her parents died, and suddenly the Starry Children came in pretending to be her rescuers and that they couldn’t save her parents in time. The last thing from home they saw before the door closed were their parents’ bodies :(( and they didn’t even know that their ‘rescuers’ were the fuckers that ruined their life for a ritual until years later. Early on, Harper was forced to act formal and “perfect” in order to suit Pokey, and eventually the ritual happened, but it went pretty badly since Harper was still young and fought back against the literal parasite trying to invade. It left her with a giant, crack-like scar across her chest tho and permanent blue eyes. I’d like to think that early on, Harp doesn’t actually understand Pokey’s the one fucking with her head/the cause of the infection, and instead she thinks he’s some imaginary friend for a bit. The Starry Children completely isolated her from any family she had, including her grandma, who thought she died with her parents. The cult paid for Harp's education and stuff, but they grew up a really lonely and timid kid.

When they finally turned 16, the cult planned to try the ritual again. Overhearing that, she made a plan to escape and before the ritual started, they managed to get out. not without losing an eye to a cult member tho. They made it to the HFPD and with the funds they still had left, Harp did their best to keep living and go to hf high. They were able to finally reunite their grandma, and with her help was able to graduate. (Even tho her gma lives in clivesdale, Harper refused to become a clivesdale chemist. fuck no. They would rather drive all the way to hf high) Post-high school, she developed a more snarky, grumpy persona after the trauma she endured, but in reality, she’s still just scared of ever encountering the cult again. They could get her any time she wanted to in her mind, but in reality the cult gave up after Pokey demanded a different vessel instead. They’re in a relatively better place now, living peacefully with Phoebe, who they treasure above all else, and they’re still really close with their gma :D

[dragonbored]

Markarth, Throat of the World & Sovngarde?

YAYYY hi bestie (beloved follower)

Markarth - If you could rewrite one questline in Skyrim, which would it be?

oh boy do i have OPINIONS. if i could rewrite on questline in skyrim i would rewrite the companions questline to Not Be The Companions

sorry. racist werewolves aside, i think i agree w u that it would be the dark brotherhood, but i’ve got different ideas. idgaf abt astrid and cicero and the night mother i want oblivion back. the oblivion dark brotherhood questline is my favorite fucking questline in any video game, i swear to god. your first quest is to go sneak aboard a pirate ship?? you dive into the ocean to escape?? you can murder a guy by dropping his stuffed minotaur head or whatever tf that taxidermy is on him?? wildly sprinting away from bruma so his guard doesn’t catch you and you still get the bonus?? THE MURDER MYSTERY DINNER PARTY??????

i’m sorry i just love oblivion so so so much. i would try and return some of that whimsy to the dark brotherhood. i mean, yeah, i guess we can keep the whole betrayal thing, but i never liked the night mother’s portrayal and just am not fond of any of the existing npcs there. also, including an assassination of the emperor was fucking stupid, i hate how tes tries to make it canon that your character is simultaneously the gods’ greatest gift to nirn and also sithis himself (what’s the tes equivalent of the devil)

actually speaking of stupid canonical statuses i would rewrite the civil war questline to also not exist. fuck it the dragonborn is just a messenger now. the war doesn’t have a finish within the game, we leave it at a standstill. like i said i have Opinions

Throat of the World - How do you feel about “Season Unending”?

to be truthful with you beloved follower i didn’t remember what this quest was. in recent times i haven’t even gotten to diplomatic immunity. i always lose interest before i get that far LMFAO. that being said when i remembered what it was i’m vaguely fond of it. i think having a meeting where you just have to sit down and debate shit is fun. don’t remember if it translates very well into a video game. love the idea of the dragonborn sitting there simmering with rage while everyone insults each other. think it’s really stupid that everyone somehow safely made the climb up the 7000 steps at the same time without guards carriages horses or food. you’re telling me elenwen hiked that shit?

Sovngarde - How would your Last Dragonborn celebrate after the battle with Alduin, or would they celebrate at all?

OOF… you’ve hit me with the one oc question. i love to discuss my Opinions (there’s lots of them) but ocs require more thoughts. hm…

azug would celebrate because i think lucien would go hog wild about his friend defeating alduin and erik is just down to party. where the fuck do you go after coming back from skuldafn? how do you come back? do you just fast travel? summon odahviing again? it’s been so long i don’t remember. i’ll just assume you summon odahviing again and he deposits you back in dragonsreach, in which case, jarl balgruuf would probably want to have a feast or something anyway. but azug and the crew would go celebrating on their own after, and, tbh, knowing azug, would probably keep celebrating for a long time after. like, bar hopping in every city for the next year (or until whatever inevitable tragedy happens next for them to help with)

megana is much more reserved. she would enjoy the feast but she doesn’t really. have close friends. at least not yet, i haven’t finished the game with her so idk. she also doesn’t live in whiterun like azug does (well, technically azug lives outside in tundra homestead) so i think she might have less casual friends there. all that being said, i don’t think she would celebrate beyond agreeing to whatever celebrations are held for her, and even then she would quickly find a limit to what she could stand to attend. she’s more of a private person; she’d rather have a few drinks with the others at the college of winterhold (hey i forgot she was gonna do that quest) or relax with thistle in myrwatch than be rowdy all across skyrim like azug

sadly those r the only two i can answer for, cirendil exists in my mind palace but i haven’t played her at all so i don’t have a good grasp of her character or development. friki is… technically a dragonborn because the randomizer feature in the alternate start mod i’m using decided she would be, and because i think it’s funny to imagine her going around stealing shit and not at all being helpful while another dragonborn actually does their job, but she will not be doing the main quests at any point so i don’t bother contemplating her much

thank u for asking!!! this one was super fun to consider <3

[rosequartzgirly]

SHIFTING IS THE LAW OF ASSUMPTION, THE LAW OF ASSUMPTION IS SHIFTING

This is going to be a long ass post about shifting and law of assumption, my experience and my thoughts on it. If you are into these things, please read it. It may help you, motivate you or even let you know law of assumption and shifting better. <3

i’ve been in my shifting journey for a year and a half now, and what i can tell you is that shifting is the law of assumption and the law of assumption is shifting.

you can’t use one without using the other one.

why am i saying this? well, imagine you like a person. you like a person so much and you just want them to like you back, but at the moment they’re dating someone else and they are so in love with the one they are dating.

what can you do? can’t you manifest their love? ofc you can! but you aren’t damaging anyone, you are not making them stop loving the other person, you are just becoming aware of a reality where they are in love with you. and how is becoming aware of another reality called? shifting!

it is possible, completely. i did it myself.

when you really want something, the only thing you have to do in order to get it, it’s accept the fact that you already have it.

MY EXPERIENCE

the first time i got into manifestation it was December 2021. During that month i really liked a boy, i used to say i was in love, my whole world revolved around him and he didn’t seem to like me back. he liked another girl and we didn’t talk much, never tbh.

but yk what? i wanted him anyway.

during december 2021 manifesting went viral on tiktok, i saw many videos so i tried it myself.

i used to record some random videos with random audios and then text in the description “he will text me and we will chat frequently”.

of course those audios worked just bc i thought so, so i began to think that he liked me.

what happened then? one night, out of nowhere, he texted me just to tell me he wanted to know me better and we started talking all days and all nights.

in one month we started dating.

it was that easy, i manifested his love.

now, why did it worked?

just because i thought so! idk why, but at some point i was so sure he liked me back that my desire eventually became real.

my 4d reflected in my 3d, i became aware of a reality where he liked me.

HOW CAN THIS BE RELATED TO SHIFTING?

let’s start from the beginning.

i discovered shifting in 2020, but before summer 2022 i never actually tried.

when i discovered it, it was on tiktok, and people used to say you had to count till 100 and imagine to be on a train or something to shift. tbh, i can’t blame antis bc they didn’t believe it, since i didn’t believe it myself and it sounds stupid af.

i thought it was something magical and it wasn’t true at all, but ofc i would’ve like it to be true.

one day, on summer 2022, i saw a video on tiktok and it was one of those videos from kpop shifter. it seemed so interesting so i just decided to learn more.

it was the day when i started my shifting journey.

at first, i didn’t understand anything abt shifting.

i thought methods were needed, meditation was needed, being in the journey for years was needed but actually nothing is needed.

i know you’re probably tired of hearing what i’m going to say, but i’ll do it anyway.

YOU ONLY NEED YOURSELF.

and you need to understand that. i mean, truly, fully understand that.

you don’t need to reprogram your mind, you don’t need to stay still in bed without moving any muscles ( even if it can help reach the void 😭 ) and you don’t have to attempt everyday to shift.

YOU NEED YOURSELF AND NOTHING ELSE, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT.

you want to shift? perfect, just tell yourself before going to bed you intend to wake up in your dr tomorrow, and believe in what you’re saying, and you will be in your dr when you wake up.

it’s that easy.

Here some shifting-related things and how they work :

🎀 Symptoms : they do not exist at all. i know some people on shiftok decided to FUCKING WAKE UP and started to tell “some shifting symptoms are signs that you’re body is falling asleep” but it’s not like that. i mean, yeah some shifting symptoms are just hypnagogia symptoms but that doesn’t mean the others are shifting symptoms. SYMPTOMS FOR SHIFTING DO NOT EXIST. when you manifest something, do u feel your body floating? do u feel yourself spinning? do u feel your “surrounding changing”? of course u do not! bc manifestation is INSTANT such as shifting is, since they are THE EXACT SAME THING.

🎀 Methods : methods are actually not shifting methods, but meditation method. when you do a method you’re just meditating, those things like count till 100 exist just to help you focus on your desires. so, in fact, methods are helpful to reach the void state, then you affirm ( you MANIFEST ) and then your manifestations reflect on your 4d and that’s how you shift.

🎀 Why is shiftok so demotivating? And why most of the “shifter” there don’t actually shift? Just bc they don’t know what shifting really is, they don’t understand that shifting is the law of assumption. They even try to “use the law of assumption” to shift explaining as if those were two different things. It is so demotivating bc PEOPLE DONT KNOW WHAT SHIFTING IS, THEY DONT BASICALLY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING. 😭😭

hope this helped you somehow, let me know if you have something to ask. <3

[rinhaler]

The anon who just found out u were fuwushiguro here!!

Yes I absolutely understand the frustration from not performing as well with follower count to likes ratio - as an artist who used to be quite popular and likes went from thousands to only like seventy. At some point you feel like you’re not doing it for you, but actually for others. I’m happy you realised the happiness can come from writing and not only hate.

The friend who left you I can also relate to a bit, my ex best friend of 6 years also left me quite recently and it was like there was an empty hole in me because even if you’re not friends anymore, your brain can’t quite handle the change. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but the greatest challenge is to not only hold yourself to one person but to be open and try new possibilities, and that’s what you’ve seemed to done! You have new friends, new mental attitude, and a brand new beautiful blog (that I love the theme of btw!!!) You’re doing great and will continue to do so, because if there are 100 rinhaler fans I’m one of them, if there are 10 rinhaler fans I’m one of them and if there are none, I’m dead.

Also to the question you had, idk it’s just the way you describe certain things..? It’s hard to explain, I have about 50 fanfic blogs that I really love the writing of and fuwushiguro was one of them. Your world building, character description as well as development, SO GOOD!! And your wusyaname series was amazing, I used to check your blog religiously for any updates, and I’m happy you’re reuploading them here bc now I’m gonna reread them every week!

Also the way you wrote yuuji in the aita!sukuna fic was extremely similar to the first few chapters in wusyaname before he goes on that trip (if I remember right)

Have a great day/night :D

omg ARTIST AAAAAA im obsessed I'd love to see your stuff if you ever feel comfortable sharing with me sometime but no pressure ofc! I know it's very personal! ive been trying to get more into art but im finding it hard to balance practicing art stuff and writing. I also have massive art insecurity bc I don't think I'm good enough (same with my writing) so I totally understand if u wanna keep it all to yourself but go you for being a talented babe <3

interactions on tumblr suck and I'm starting to be able to tell myself it's purely luck what performs well and what doesn't, so I'm finding it a lot easier to write things I actually want to write now rather than what I think my followers will like.

Also yeah in regard to my friend, we were online friends and we'd only known each other for around two years but god i adored her and i still do tbh. I think about her and our memories all of the time we were so so close so her decision to just randomly cut me off really hurt. I'd love to talk to her again but I know I have to respect her decision and I wish her the best!

It's been a good opportunity to get back into writing so at least something nice has come from something so sad. And I love this little space so much! I'm glad you like my theme! It was greenish at first n i was like nope this aint the one i am a pink girl through and through!

ALSO AAAA THE WAY IM BLUSHING ABT AITA YUUJI BEING LIKE WUSYANAME YUUJI UR SO RIGHT 😩 definitely not intentional but god maybe i missed him more than i thought! I'm so excited to be reposting it though it's going to be like living through the magic of it all again and hearing what everyone thinks and stuff! I haven't read it in so long so I feel like I'm right there with you all hehehe

anyway thank you for supporting me always ur literally the best i adore u pls take care of urself mwah mwah mwah

[splattermouth]

I actually thought of a couple more questions in regards to your answer to my ask and how missingno. work.

How does Giratina feel about what's going on with Val? Does she even know something's up? If she does eventually find out something's up, when would she discover that things aren't right with Volo's companion?

Given how you say that since she can only appear from the shadows in short bursts due to the plates not all being together so she's still ultimately trapped in the Distortion World, I'd imagine another situation like the time Volo showed Val and Irida Giratina wouldn't happen again for a long while— so would she be rather late in knowing something's up?

Given the kind of legendary Giratina is, would she just instantly know what's going on?

What about Vim? She's Val's friend and partner pokemon and is also a psychic-type, would she be more attuned to picking up things like what's going on with Val fusing with missingno. or is that something just not perceptible in a way that psychic-types or anything can sense like that.

Like it being something undetectable by a Riolu/Lucario in how they sense aura. Because it's beyond aura, if that makes sense? Like another layer of reality kind of thing. Ah. A better way of trying to explain what I'm trying to convey is someone 3D trying to detect something 4D, if that makes more sense.

Like, whatever overlap there is with the pokemon's innate ability to sense certain things is picked up— for example, a Lucario would sense a change in Val's aura but that's pretty much it, there is no secret further feeling or understanding beyond what other humans feel towards Jacred (the feeling of sudden dread you described) in combination with their innate capabilities.

Back on topic, would Vim be quicker at picking up the more subtle changes in Val before anyone else due to her both having been Val's friend for a long time and a psychic-type? Is it more akin to what I described above, or is it something different?

AH these are things im still thinking abt how i wanna approach tbh, BUT I can safely say Giratina does not know much of what’s going on until like endgame plot stuff. She knows about as much as Volo does. The existence of Missingno are very much Arceus’ little secret (and also ig Yveltal if need be, but he doesn’t rly matter here lol), and Giratina technically being worlds away from Val and Volo most of the time, I don’t think she ever really senses or notices anything’s up anyway. She’s still fairly wild and enraged most of the time too, and the only human she really cares for at the moment IS Volo, so I don’t think she’d even know much abt Val to begin with. 

I DO think Verity and especially Vim ofc would notice things are going wrong, and I think Vim would super be tugging at Volo’s sleeves trying to get him to realize this isn’t just ‘Val being sick.’ But again I don’t think she’d like, pick up on anything on like a metaphysical level. Vim IS a psychic type, yes, but her specialty is in hypnosis obvi, not mind reading or telekinesis. THAT SAID, I do think something like the Alakazam line or the Lucario line COULD pick up on something a bit deeper than surface level. Attempting to look into Val’s head or aura and finding that thoughts and feelings are completely erratic in a way that no human has felt before. That kinda thing! Bc by all means, can you imagine trying to read the ‘aura’ of a glitch? Like either Lucario is going to get Five Nights at Freddy’s jumpscared by Val’s aura or theres just going to be Nothing at all. (I’m not going to say I totally understand how ‘aura’ as an element works in the pokemon world works to begin with though. So I could be completely wrong jfdhgkjfd)

[starsarefire824]

i want to make it clear first this isn’t abt your work i just came across your asks and started thinking and rambling lol! promiseee <3

i think it’s important to note (in gen not just for will) and it’s fr my dream that people understand that will can be receiving and still be in control (and undo his partner pleasurably), i’d honestly argue that’s a more, better type of control and more healing for him in ways? or feels like natural progression when watching the show especially if it’s with mike at the start of their relationship (im speaking about works following canon here not au’s or other concepts haha).

and is not a jab at preferences ever i just get a feeling only s4 warped people’s perceptions (which i dont get because will is still gentler in s4. he just grew up yknow!) even in sfw content. i guess i just don’t see where people (not @ you <3) get the idea he needs to be aggresive to be in control when that isn’t who he is. aggressiveness is a trait they show us he conforms against and isnt the only way to approach control! but it’s like you said people have different things they like depending on daily moods, and growing up, that’s a real to life way to look at it! so duh he’d have friskier days, i understand that view of it

anyway sorry for word puking fandom thoughts! i really enjoy your moodboards, i’d be interested to check out ones of mike giving in there, i’m happy you enjoy writing multiple dynamics. have a good night!

Thinking and Rambling! Lol. Well, I'm glad the asks did that tbh!! <3

i think it’s important to note (in gen not just for will) and it’s fr my dream that people understand that will can be receiving and still be in control (and undo his partner pleasurably), i’d honestly argue that’s a more, better type of control and more healing for him in ways?

In my "real" headcanons for Will this is exactly what I'd like to see for him. Does that make sense? And I don't know if you misunderstood what I was trying to say, but I agree with you. I think that, and this is from talking to real survivors of SA, that this IS a perfect way to heal and build up his confidence in the fact that someone could give him pleasure and it not be something that's going to hurt him or take advantage of him. Receiving that kind of attention and have it be something completely positive---like think of the healing that could offer and that sort of joyous revelation? That's something that's so beautiful to me personally, and generally how I write Will in most of my stories.

However, I don't see anything less healing or beautiful about someone who's been beaten down taking initiative and feeling powerful in a real physical way. It truly is just how that particular person has responded to their regular life? Imo anyways.

Or....also....this can happen in a completely non-sexual way. Which I have written here. There are mulitple ways this could happen for a person like Will and I think they are all beautiful and worthy of exploration in fic.

or feels like natural progression when watching the show especially if it’s with mike at the start of their relationship (im speaking about works following canon here not au’s or other concepts haha).

Mike, in my opinion, in a canon sense.....is a giver. He seems to have an innate sense of caring for and wanting the people around him to be happy. if you delve past his sometimes prickly and sarcastic exterior, I think he's a person who deep down wants to be needed, wants to do a good job, and in turn would be a partner that would want to give whatever his partner desired. So whether it's them wanting him to take care of them sexually or for them to need other things that involve a different dynamic where he'd be on the receiving end--I think he'd be down for whatever honestly. Imo it makes him happy to please and he shows that with both El and Will in canon. So to me that's an easy one to say! 🙃 I think this generally resonates with readers going for the more dominant version of Mike in regards to Will, but I think there's a lot more to explore there if you sort of wanted to switch things up. I don't think either would really go against his character. And also, I guess----I think that top and bottom really gets misconstrued with dominant and submissive, and they frankly, are two separate things. You can be a top and have submissive tendencies, you can be a bottom and and choke your partner while you're doing it. I mean it's all complicated and so yeah I don't know---I just think that sometimes things get pigeonholed, especially with lgbtq characters. When really, there's just so much to unpack and it can all be good!

and is not a jab at preferences ever i just get a feeling only s4 warped people’s perceptions (which i dont get because will is still gentler in s4. he just grew up yknow!) even in sfw content. i guess i just don’t see where people (not @ you <3) get the idea he needs to be aggresive to be in control when that isn’t who he is. aggressiveness is a trait they show us he conforms against and isnt the only way to approach control! but it’s like you said people have different things they like depending on daily moods, and growing up, that’s a real to life way to look at it! so duh he’d have friskier days, i understand that view of it

No not at all! I mean, people are valid in all of their headcanons of their favorite characters. I personally think for people to have their final opinions of Will will have to wait until season 5 is concluded. BUT yes, I mean---in my personal opinion--Will is a gentler, quieter, and according to an 80s pov is effete in his tendencies. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and I do tend to disagree with people who have it in their minds that cause he grew muscle mass and shoulders in season 4 that that has somehow changed his personality????

He is very strong in his own quiet way, but yes, he seeks out comfort, he needs that extra love and attention. And that's what Mike offers him. And in turn, his need for that and the way he responds to it is what Mike needs to feel wanted and loved. It's very symbiotic, which is what I noticed starting in season 2 between them, solidified in season 3, and was something that couldn't be ignored in season 4. It's why I started shipping them in the first place! But yeah, of course, as they would grow up and be involved in a relationship with each other the dynamics can ebb and flow and as they get more comfortable with each other and mature they might want to explore new things that would go against their "self-assigned" roles.

Anyways thanks so much! And yeah exploring Mike in a different light and Will in a different light is really just a fun exercise in diving deeper into their psyche, and for me is rewarding as a writer! Of course I have my own personal ideas of canon!Will and canon!Mike but I think the fanfiction versions of these two can be whatever dynamic said writer finds interesting! And it doesn't mean one is less correct than the other.

So here I am word-vomiting right back to you. I hope this makes sense!

[sweet-little-dude]

taku it feels like i haven’t talked to you in ages. cries. also also i love the new theme!! even if i miss the mizo mid pfp

anyways i am here to tell you that i FINALLY watched s2 of tokrev omg aren’t you proud of me 😌😌 i don’t really have much to say abt it tbh bc i mean i knew everything that happened already you know everything that happened already soo... but i gotta tell you abt the moments that made me feel the most things bc well. i gotta tell someone and my qpp was live experiencing everything bc i watched s2 with them & three of our friends so it’s only you left. okay so first i gotta explain shakey time bc uhh my qpp & i are both shit with ~emotions~ and ~feelings~ so basically when either of us Feels Too Much TM we grab the other by the shoulder and shake?? honestly i have no clue why but somehow it helps with processing ??? well i’m calling whatever that is shakey time. so. too much shakey time in those 4 hours i swear. most notably the whole manila mikey shit (i mean i knew ehat was gonna happen but still 😭😭😭😭) and then on a wayyy happier note izana!! izana <33 and shion and mochi and the haitanis <33 so much shakey time. love izana’s japanese va (idk abt others we only watched it sub so). very happy and i have newfound motivation for sm stuff now help. also do you happen to know who that guy beside mochi was in that one shot where we see him, izana, shion, kisaki iirc, and the haitanis? bc my only guess is mucho. or some random unimportant guy. but like both of these don’t make that much sense. maybe i’m just forgetting smth idk

also i have no clue how the bd arc would do that but i am now going insane over the final timeline?? specifically the final timeline but everyone still has their memories from before the final jump. except maybe kisaki or smth idk but i haven’t figured good criteria for who remembers n why yet. i most specifically need bajitrio to remember bc i think that makes for fun hcs hehe. just kazu & fuyu subtly trying to check for baji’s pulse (or heartbeat) to make sure he’s actually still alive in this timeline n eventually it becoming a habit/subtle sign of love kinda thing bc they do it so often lol. also kazu & fuyu def have an obsession with falling asleep on baji’s chest while listening to his heartbeat. i feel it’d be very reassuring to them idk,, and i think kazu holds baji’s waist 24/7 when they’re the age he would’ve died + older bc there isn’t any injury or scar there (where he stabbed him in the other timeline-) and he sometimes needs to reassure himself that there really isn’t afjkfgjffh

while i’m on that mitsuya repeatedly calls draken in the middle of the night around the time where he died in the other timeline to make sure he’s alive. mikey just makes draken sleep over in his bed and solves the problem with that lol

also. hanma. hanma keeps forgetting that kisaki’s alive in this timeline at first and scares himself shitless every time they interact bc for a split second he thinks he’s going crazy seeing a ghost

kakucho simply never leaves izana again. problem solved 👍

mikey lives with emma & shin (& maybe izana... maybe......) so he knows they’re alive and well and since he makes draken sleep over anyways draken also knows they’re alive & well.

wakasa, benkei & takeomi call each other at ungodly times of the night n go ‘‘shinichiro is alive, right?’’ ‘‘last time i checked, yes’’ ‘‘good, thanks’’ and then hang up and go to sleep bc they don’t wanna bother shin but sometimes... sometimes there’s just doubt yk

while we’re at it i believe in takeomi being a better brother this time. like he still fucks up sometimes and all that but he genuinly tries and he actually pretty much fixes his relationships with his siblings bc they all learnt from the other timeline (and i want them to be happy okay). not sure if i believe in taiju being a better brother this time...

i’d like to say i’m normal abt this (au version of this) timeline but uh.... uh...... ngl i used to HATE hate the ending and i still don’t like it much but i am slowly starting to like it more but i’m not sure if i should be happy abt that ngl 😭 idk i think i mostly like the characters & some of the new interactions n dynamics, not the actual timeline. bc to me it will always be the final timeline’s biggest fault that basically nobody remembers anything from any of the other timelines bc all of the character development n shit is gone. but oh well

elys my love, hello! it really does feel like forever since we've talked youre righttttt. thank you haha!! my emo bands hyperfixation got so bad to the point of me putting in the effort of changing my theme, can you believe it? ok look, the mizo mid pfp aged like fine wine. still nice, but still aged

yayyyyyy!!! i am indeed very proud tehe. but that seems pretty effective? if it works for the both of you then good job!! yes the reveal of tenjiku!!!!! was screaming and pointing them out to my siblings the whole entire time so real. omg yes thatz good! [will answer that second ask of yours after this bcuz ik it was related to it lol]

STOPPPP THOSE ARE REALLY CUTE AND SAD AT THE SAME TIME I LOVE THEMMMM

big brainers i tell you

hanma :(((((((((

no cuz istg izana's whole death has to be one of the worst in tokyorev. like what did my boy kaku do to deserve this man :((

would be a nice house to live in / visit!

true theyre probably some of the characters that had it the worst ngl. like everyone went through an equal amount of shit with everyone's deaths but the bd's losing shin must've been horrible :(

YES LIVING FOR THE OMI GOOD BROTHER AGENDA this reminded me of that clear shot of him in s2 im gonna cry i love him i love him true i mean im sure he learns along the way tho, i'd hope so.

like the ending of tokyorev??? cuz boyyyy 💀💀 my thoughts on the ending is for another time but fr letz just say the ending wasnt the best thing ever like ong. i mean it was a good ending for the characters and its pretty much what everyone wanted but the way it took place was just not it T T ok but the koko n kisaki agenda is REAL they are so bffs honestly i live laugh love them. yeah nobody remembering what happened was shitty but at least chifuyu remembered? that was a nice detail during the ending ngl

[tea-and-finalfantasy]

been watching markiplier, etc. as background noise, as stuff to watch when i’m not feeling good physically or mentally

and one vid i watched (“watched” as in it’s horror so i just listen to it lol)--at dead of night--has a lot of characters that are morally grey and stuff like that

and the premise is there’s this guy named jimmy (evil alter ego named hugo) who does all these horrible things but we later find out it’s bc he’s literally being possessed by the ghost of his abusive father (or the ghost of like a centuries long abuse cycle situation?)

and while the morally grey characters who were slandered and murdered by jimmy (hugo) in the past are still justified imo? bc they’re being injured and threatened by someone, they just don’t know it’s bc he’s possessed? some youtube comments were a bit funny to me (like genuinely kinda funny to read)

*game content mentions an accusation of sexual assault, murder, harm to animals, etc. and my post mentions sexual assault, medical malpractice, some outdated terms or ableist language BUT the last two paragraphs are generally free from that/highlight what’s interesting to me abt the youtube comments if u wanna skip the text

one dude (harvey) was really violent towards jimmy and threatened him with a gun (not with the intention to shoot, just to scare him out of the hotel) but that was after jimmy almost killed him by electrocution, shot a crossbow bolt through his leg, etc so like. yeah he was violent but after jimmy was violent towards him

i do not fault him for choosing violence or reacting that way. some people were weird abt him and were like “oh but he’s being violent too!” but like. yeah?? i would be if all this shit was happening plus other guest deaths due to jimmy??

but when it comes to dr. bose like. i get being wary of his character because drs can exert control over their patients. i get wanting to look more into jimmy’s accusation of sexual assault. but not only was the scrapbook of news articles mentioned about both accusations (that he was being beaten and that he was being assaulted), meaning both accusations seemed to be word-for-word what was in the newspapers,

when harvey confronted jimmy about making up that story about dr. bose beating him with a paddle to take the medicine AND THEN that he molested him, jimmy’s response was to laugh? so like. if we wanna be skeptical of harvey bc he already doesn’t like jimmy then ok but i dunno, jimmy’s response didn’t seem in line with the kind of response someone would have if they were telling the truth

BUT ALSO in regards to how drs work--

this is in a time period where force was regularly exerted on patients and he never did so in the way that we’d expect--and tbh force is still regularly exerted on patients? it never went away, it just changed in some aspects?

people still restrain patients, forcefully medicate them etc. so while i get being skeeved out by dr. bose chasing jimmy around with a syringe and (rightfully) being of the opinion that you can’t force meds on a patient (which i don’t think dr. bose did? he tried to enforce it in a strange way but might not’ve even administered it?)--

i feel like that’s when you’d be like. ok can some other character call the police. can dr. bose call other doctors in here for a second opinion LIKE my issue wouldn’t entirely be with his methods bc he never resorted to the kind of force we usually see for this time period?

like yeah i’d think chasing someone around a hotel w a syringe is bad, even if he didn’t go further w it, but ppl aren’t really mentioning that part so like? we’re not even neutral on this man for the right reason???

but i think for me, the funny comment was abt ppl going “um diazepam is a sedative, it’s not made for what dr. bose assumed was jimmy’s condition, it wasn’t the right drug, he must’ve been trying to sedate him to assault him--” and i’m like. babes.

tell me you’ve never gone to the doctor IN MODERN DAY NO LESS with symptoms and had them say smtn to the effect of huh that’s weird?? try this i guess?

like not only can drs not necessarily prescribe the correct thing all the time--

ex. a past dr who sort of listened to my issues, prescribed me a med, the med worked for some symptoms but gave me such an increase in anxiety that we had to stop--but we didn’t try anything else which was the weird part

yeah she wasn’t great in the first place BUT i wasn’t sure if i had adhd? and she was maybe treating me for depression or anxiety? and then the anxiety got worse and we just dropped it, rather than seeking out answers as to what actually was happening?? 

so like i got a med, don’t remember what we were trying to treat, it sort of worked in a way and didn’t in another, ??? like drs don’t necessarily get it right every time--

but sometimes u get prescribed stuff bc they don’t know what you need or because it might actually work for something not listed

yeah diazepam is listed as an anti-seizure med and/or an anxiety med but who knows if dr. bose thought an anxiety med would help--even if only we know as the viewers that jimmy actually has anxiety/depression and it’s ghost related/dr. bose doesn’t necessarily know or expect that. just bc it lists anti-seizure doesn’t mean he’s giving him a random med

i take clonazepam for anxiety--specifically severe agoraphobia at one point--and it’s listed as an anti-seizure med and an anxiety med. not only does it not specifically mention agoraphobia (although it solved that issue in a way my everyday anxiety med doesn’t, despite it also being an anxiety med), just bc it says it’s for seizures doesn’t mean that’s what i’m taking it for

plus like, only we know narratively that these issues are being caused by a haunting/possession. no med would be likely to work anyways but i can’t blame dr. bose for being like let’s try a sedative at the moment to see if that stops him from putting glass in ppls sandwiches and killing animals and harming other guests while we figure out the root of his issue and try and prescribe something else later

it feels like the difference between “let’s try this for the moment to see if it eases certain behaviors” (okay, open to changing meds, not a permanent decision) versus like “we gotta sedate this kid” (not okay, implies the patient is like. “lol fucked up,” not likely to be taken back and switched for something else)

PLUS, given the time period, even dr. bose with the best intentions is probably reliant on sedatives for patients. like i don’t want to imply that’s all they have without prior research but it’s like the long lists of why ppl were in asylums and it ranges from like. incorrectly diagnosed issues/outdated terms for actual problems to like. she acts inappropriately

and that still happens! my sister went to an outpatient place once and they

A. gave her meds without telling her the risks/side-effects (for example, if u miss a dose YOU CANNOT TAKE THE SAME DOSE THE NEXT DAY U HAVE TO START FROM THE LOWEST DOSE) + seemed to just? give her meds???

B. grouped literally anyone in there and did not give specialized care to anyone. it literally was like. here are people who are having very different issues that cannot benefit from this bc it’s just? not catering to anyone’s specific problems? you had someone who was forced to get an abortion, someone who had anger issues, someone like my sister who was having mental health issues due to ppl ignoring her physical health issues

like i’m not suprised that for the time period in the game, a doctor, even with the best intentions, would immediately prescribe a sedative. that doesn’t implicate dr. bose in anything else and while it’s definitely an issue with the time period, i don’t think we can blame him in particular for that + he does seem to genuinely try to help jimmy and i don’t think a lot of the

and like in no way are any of these yt comments ableist, it’s not that serious, but it is funny to me as someone who’s like yeah sometimes u trial meds, sometimes something could work although it’s not specifically for that thing, a lot of the time, without specialist intervention, u just test stuff out and hope it works or names what’s not being resolved, at worst ppl prescribe things too generally and medical services can be extremely abusive, which isn’t even necessarily showcased in the game--

like what do u mean ur surprised that got prescribed or that u assume it’s for SA reasons not like. The Med Of The Time/over-reliance on sedatives in general or bc medicine as a practice is like damn that’s weird, try this i guess

like what do u mean ur not aware this is how it is lol

[izzy-b-hands]

I think I’ve identified the main issue w/the latest rizzy fic, but fuck me if I can figure out how to fix it.

I don’t know exactly where it’s going.

Normally, this isn’t an issue. I tend to let the story flower as I go, and trim as needed.

But I’m absolutely staggered with this one, where it’s either (major spoilers for this modern AU fic plot here no matter what direction I go with it in the end, but if you don’t mind that/are curious abt the text blocks of info doing my head in, read on lmao):

Version A: Roach (independent food/chef vlogger) gets too into his May 31st project (a crepe cake) and works into June 1st, only to be reminded by Izzy of his extensively planned Pride Month activities/ideas, that Roach had advertised all the month of May as starting IMMEDIATELY on the first (aka he should already have a video of a themed dish up, but he doesn’t bc he’s on Cake Ten of the crepe cake, and their pantry is now fucking empty too.) Fic (tentatively for now) would end with Izzy figuring out how to help him A. finally finish a satisfactory crepe cake (to Roach’s standards, aka Very Fucking High), B. rapid fire choose and film one of his themed ideas for the Pride Month stuff, and C. eventually sleep bc all of this is going down at like. One in the morning.

Version B: All of the above up until Izzy’s part. Instead of figuring it out that night, he gets Roach to bed and does what he can to help before leaving for his own job (PA/Security/Other Duties As Assigned to the combined very rich household of Ed, Stede, Mary, Doug, and the kids (in a huge shared house, so they aren’t in each other’s faces if they don’t wanna be, plus Ed & Stede are implied to own other property they spend time at too.))

The issue with Version B is that I worry the thing is getting too Big:

now I have a subplot started there about Izzy admitting to Mary (when he drops in for the morning to take the kids to school and give both couples of the house one of the reject cakes that Roach has deemed won’t be used at all by him. They have ten fucking cakes in the fridge, getting rid of two barely puts a dent in it tbh)

that his mum passed, in England (implied that everyone else is living in the States or NZ, I’m not exactly sure where I wanna put them yet frankly bc either is fine like I DON’T ACTUALLY CARE BUT I GOTTA IMPLY ONE OR THE OTHER DON’T I) last year, during June.

And he just didn’t tell anyone bc A. everyone was busy w/their own lives, B. Roach was doing his usual Pride Month stuff, and Izzy always helps him film/cook/etc for any bigger projects whenever he can, and he didn’t wanna distract from that, and C. he and his mum had a Complex relationship, so he probably wasn’t going to go visit her before she died anyway (secretly, he wishes he had. Only one who knows anything abt how Izzy and his mum interacted is Ed, who tbh has gotten distracted from any of that stuff since meeting Stede and focusing on helping create the shared family they have w/Mary, Doug, and the kids. Which is absolutely fair, but still. For the sake of their friendship, it will need Addressing of some kind, at some point.)

Like all of this is fine in theory, but it already feels sort of out of control? Bc like I then need to address in a finished version of B:

-Izzy and his mum

-Izzy and Ed

-Izzy and his relationship w/Ed, Stede, Mary, Doug, and the kids. Only bc there’s the implication that while it’s good and fairly easy work for Izzy, he occasionally does feel/get treated like The Help during work hours vs someone they actually know well who happens to work for them, and they sort of. Forget that once his shift is done for the day, he might still hang out just as a friend of the family, and they don’t always remember to turn off that Voice of talking To The Help in those moments (with it being noted that Roach and other crew members have witnessed this, but have leaned on Izzy to sort of give them permission to call it out, which of course he isn’t gonna do for fear of it fucking up their arrangement, and he doesn’t wanna job search in his mid-fifties. Which I think is valid enough lol.)

-Roach and his Pride Month problem (aka he’s got all the research in front of him, in this case the idea that he’ll highlight dishes that were beloved by notable/famous ppl w/in the LGBTQ community, but Actually, that isn’t always info that’s easy to find and some of it is more basic foods which he expected, and it’s fine, except he really wanted to challenge himself and maybe if he just looks a little more he can find something else-cut to two hours later and he’s asleep on his laptop. This isn’t even getting into the actual cooking and videoing of said cooking. He needs a Break.)

-Roach and Izzy addressing their mutual issue of ‘working too goddamn much, but not knowing how to take breaks and not feel Terrible and Useless during them.’ It isn’t necessarily hurting their relationship, but it is making them both more stressed than they need to be, and neither of them knows how to calm their brains down enough to understand that they can, in fact, budget for a small break or a vacation and nothing bad will happen.

-The kids and their implied issue w/mainly Mary and Stede (Ed and Doug hang back and are still doing the ‘I’m a new stepparent and I don’t wanna fuck up and overdo any of this, so I just sort of do what my spouse tells me to do re: the kids’ discipline/scheduling/etc), that they’re forcing them into an obscene amount of extra activities (including night tennis lessons, that require Izzy to also stay/work late, not getting them home until nearly ten at night, and himself then even later.) I don’t think they actually allow night tennis of any kind for kids unless it’s like. a fun now and again event, but to me it sounds exactly like what Mary and Stede would get talked into signing the kids up for. After all, it’ll look good on various school applications, and there’s nearly two whole hours after the after school study groups and other sports they play, surely the kids don’t want to sit and do nothing then? (spoiler alert: they do. they just want to sit and do nothing and be kids, which Mary and Stede do know, but have forgotten in the mess of getting divorced, then watching each other get remarried nearly right away, then realising it would easier/cheaper to try and share a home and keep the kids stable under one roof and moving everyone in together. Not an excuse, just an explanation.)

And that’s. So Much Stuff for one fic. And that’s WITHOUT figuring out what I want the main goal/ending to look like for sure. I won’t lie and say I’m good at multichaptered fics, I’m very much not, but I think that’s the only way Version B could work. And Version B, for what it’s worth, I think could be very satisfying and interesting as a read.

Version A, on the other hand, would be shorter, less dramatic, and would probably involve just Izzy and Roach, whereas Version B eventually would at least be referencing that like. The crew we know and love still work for Ed and Stede and whatever they do in this modern AU (marketing that only involves nautical/maritime/marine life themes maybe? does it matter in the end if it gets mentioned vaguely all of once???)

Even then, we still have the issue of: where in the FUCK is any of this going? What’s the point?

Version A, to me rn, is much more focused on rizzy and the internal dynamic there, focusing hard on the comfort of their life together and tackling problems together. I could probably just pull together something cute abt Izzy trying to fix the latest crepe cake while Roach films his first Pride video. Like my current tentative ending isn’t horrible. Nothing to write home abt, but it’s Fine, ya know?

Version B, to me again dlksajf, is a bigger overall picture that frustratingly, as of yet, doesn’t have a real huge or distinct end goal. It’s less of a ‘here’s a set ending with clear wins and losses’ and more of a ‘life and ppl are messy, no matter how hard anyone tries. Everyone here is doing their best, and learning. Here’s how they’re doing by the end and what they’ve managed to learn/work on, with the implication that they’re gonna keep learning and doing better, but not without fucking up more first bc. Human’

But are either of those actually fucking satsifying???? I wish I knew!!! I was absolutely flying along writing the draft for Version B until all of the above shit knocked on the door of my brain and put up a goddamn roadblock!!!

This is so much info, but if you’ve read this far and have any thoughts/opinions on which of these seems more worth pursuing, please let me know somehow. I’m dying to brainstorm & bounce ideas around w/folks. But even if u just wanna say ‘nah Version A sucks do B’ or vice versa. Pls say it fdksafalk