#happy birthday hyune <3

[sprdmywings]

i want to write something for hyunjin for his birthday but i literally have no ideas :(

[yangjeongin]

HYUNJIN BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN (2024):  ↘ D-DAY | HAPPY BIRTHDAY HWANG HYUNJIN❣️

[astraystayyh]

The snow falls, we fall apart.

summary: when heartbreak looms on your life, and winter becomes a time you loathe, hyunjin helps you rewrite your memories with the season, and with it, everything you once believed about love.

genre: producer student!hyunjin x reader. roommates!au. friends to lovers. acute descriptions of heartbreak and general sadness. slow burn. hurt/comfort. healing and hopeless romantic hyune. very inspired by long for you so lots of pining and yearning. (wc: 13k)

warnings: mentions of alcohol. it is implied that reader was in an a very toxic relationship but no details are shared.

a.n: happy birthday to my hyunjin, my muse, my light. thank you for being so full of love that it made me love love again in return. this is i think my most personal piece, and i hope it reminds those who need it that love should be soft and kind, that it shouldn’t hurt, that it should heal not break. i love you guys and i love you my xi, writing this collab with you has been a true honor <3 also!! please listen to long for you while reading :,)

winter falls masterlist.

You’ve only ever felt utter despair twice in your life.

First, when you were seven years old, playing hide and seek with your cousins at your grandma’s house. It was a warm summer afternoon, the air sweetened by pastries you devoured hours ago. You decided to hide in a wooden cabinet up in the attic, only to end up stuck there. The walls felt like they were closing in on you, the oxygen seeping away from the cracks underneath the door, leaving you deprived of air, of life.

Second, at twelve, when you've come to discover sorrow's new facet, clad in grief's heavy cloak. Your parents adopted a hamster for your birthday, but they did not know he had a terminal disease. You were distraught, to say the least, when you awoke to its still form, death claiming a frail heart unaware of its imminent fate.

And now, third, many many moons later, you are knocking on Hyunjin’s door a few minutes after midnight. It is cold out, tears tracing rivulets on your cheeks, your fingers tinted pink from roaming outside in the harsh winds, your heart much heavier than when you were a child. More grief-stricken, at your own hands, this time.

A disheveled Hyunjin opens the door, his blonde ash hair tousled and sticking upwards, a clear indication of the many times he had run his hands through it in fits of frustration. His gray hoodie zipped up hastily, revealing the silver cross necklace he was wearing, nestling perfectly against his honeyed skin.

You've always had an aversion to seeking comfort, saw it as revealing your deepest vulnerabilities to a world that isn't always kind. It was easier, much simpler to do so when you were a clueless child— when you sank in your cousin Lia's hold as she attempted to steady your breathing, when your mother cradled you in her lap after Pinky died.

It is much harder now, much more embarrassing because Hyunjin has never seen you this sad, never glimpsed your shadows that now swarm his doorstep, unannounced.

“What's wrong?” he quickly asks, eyes darting over your figure in a rapid search for visible wounds. He wouldn’t find any. All your injuries stem from within— blood doesn’t have to be spilled for your heart to weep.

You had rehearsed a lie as you walked up to his doorstep. You would say that your car broke down near his place and ask if you could stay over for the night. He would insist he could drive you to your place and you’d refuse, saying that it was too late and you did not wish to bother him. You’d sleep on the couch and slip away in the early hours of the morning.

Yet, it is the genuine worry etched in his eyes that dismantles the fortress you've hidden in, melts the lie in your throat, morphing it into a steel lump coiling in your throat. He looks concerned when all you’ve had directed towards you recently was anger. And you missed someone looking at you in care, not reproach.

“I didn’t know where else to go.” You admit, your voice shattered, fragments of your vocal cords scattered out in the wind like a broken mosaic, the sound of it scraping against your ears.

Blow one hurt. It felt like your body turned against you as it deprived you of oxygen. The sobs that escaped you once you perceived the light pained you, perhaps more than being confined in the darkness.

Blow two was even worse, it was your first time experiencing grief. It was too hard of a concept for your innocent heart to grasp, too complicated for you to find solace in anything as adults do.

You promised yourself that you’d reserve blow three for monumental agonies— big pains and big sorrows only. That’s how you managed to keep all your tears at bay for most of your life. Would they be worth losing your third sob for? No, you've always found the answer to be.

And in all the twisted scenarios you’ve conjured up in your mind, deaths and illnesses and the haunting tale of failure, you did not imagine that it would happen on Hwang Hyunjin’s doorstep. That you’d burst into sobs at the compassionate look in his gaze, and the sad smile he sent your way. As if he knew, as everyone did around you. That you had handed a knife to a serial killer and it was only a matter of time before he stabbed you in the heart.

Two weeks ago.

“I’m trying to understand you but you aren’t helping me,” Seungmin is frustrated as he paces relentlessly before you from left to right like a swinging pendulum. You sit on the couch, beholding only his shoes, avoiding his gaze that would reflect the truth you dare not confront.

“He’s sucking the life out of you, can’t you see that?”

You can, out of everyone that surrounds you, you can see it the most. You feel as if you are carrying a skin that isn’t your own, weighed down by a relationship that has taken everything from you. But admitting it is admitting that you were wrong, in trusting him, in loving him. You couldn’t bear it.

“We are fine!” you shout back, the defiance in your voice surprises even you. This is a familiar script with Seungmin, a recurring conversation spurred by your puffy eyes and diminishing appetite. He tells you, begs you to leave, but where could you go? How could you leave a home where you've shed all your treasured belongings at the door— your skin, your bones, your very self.

What place would welcome you now that you're stripped bare of your soul?

“When was the last time he made you smile, huh? All he does is hurt you, and you...” he chuckles incredulously, running his hand through his hair. “You are letting him.”

Deny, deny, deny.

“This isn’t true. He loves me,” the words taste foreign in your mouth like rusty metal dragging across your lips. A small voice whispers that love shouldn't feel like this, but you quiet it down.

“Are you hearing yourself? Yn, I…” he kneels before you, his hands resting comfortingly on your knees. This is Seungmin, your best friend of five years. You know he has your best interests at heart, you are even more sure of it when his voice softens, shakes slightly when he utters your name. “Yn, please. I’m trying to help you. Please.”

“I didn’t ask for your help,” you push away his hands, standing up. “I don’t want your help, and I don’t need it.”

You quickly leave Seungmin’s dorm, your heart heavier than when you entered it, foolishly hoping that he'd ignore your distressed state after yet another fight with your boyfriend. But Seungmin doesn't understand, no one around you does— you’ve gambled your heart, and you cannot stop drawing the cards, even in the face of losing strikes.

❁ ❁ ❁

Hyunjin offers you a cup of tea with a gentle smile and you grab the steaming drink from his hands. The smell of chamomile wraps around your senses, and your brain fizzles out for a second before the soothing aroma. But it is a fleeting respite, the tempest of your thoughts crashes back onto you with an unsettling force, causing you to almost drop the drink as your hands shake. You place it down the table without taking a sip.

“I’m sorry for coming unannounced,” you apologize, wincing at the intrusion, “I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

“I always sleep late. Don’t worry about it,” he smiles, but you know it isn’t a genuine grin, because his eyes betray an unsubdued concern, refusing to morph into their usual moon crescents.

You’ve always thought that Hyunjin wears his emotions openly— when he laughed, he did so loudly, his boisterous giggles traveling around Seungmin’s dorm. When he hurt himself, everyone in the vicinity would know so from his loud yelps. And when something worried him, he would bite his lip, toying with the plush flesh to ease his nerves.

As he is doing now. Looking at you.

“We broke up,” you quickly say, and your words hang over you like a gloomy cloud. “But I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Do you want me to fight him? I’ll bring changbin too,” he suggests a serious tone underlying his playful offer, and it manages to tear a reluctant giggle out of you.

“Changbin doesn’t know me well enough to fight for me,” you counteract and he shakes his head. “He’ll fight for me, I'm his princess.”

“Are you now?” The giggle escapes your mouth less forcefully, and the smile that graces Hyunjin’s face is a genuine one.

“I am. My proposal stands,” he extends his hand and you wrap your fingers around his palm. “Thank you, I’ll keep it in mind,” you smile but he frowns, flipping your hand around in his hold.

“You are freezing,” he whispers, using his other palm to rub warmth into yours.

“It’s fine,” you lie, slipping your hand out of his grasp, not feeling deserving of his kindness.

Wordlessly, Hyunjin stands, walking into what you assume is his bedroom. You only know of his place because you dropped off Seungmin here some time ago. You are too exhausted to even drink in the interior.

“Here,” he returns, handing you a navy hoodie of his and black joggers. “This will keep you warm at night.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, hesitating for a few seconds before speaking again. “Can you please not tell Seungmin, I... I can't face him right now.”

“Of course. I’ll be awake still if you do need something.”

Hyunjin’s clothing is warm, although peeling away your own garments felt like shedding layers of your skin, as if the fabric melted into your very flesh, just like memories from the day did. You have never felt this worthless before, discarded like a forgotten leaf on the roadside, one he stepped on for his own enjoyment, leaving you crushed in his wake, unable to fly away again.

Hyunjin’s rose perfume wraps around you, and you find relief in sleeping somewhere where your, his, scent was no longer around. You foolishly hope that if you close your eyes hard enough, you’ll manage to convince yourself that you’re someone else, tonight. Someone who isn’t tethered to the heartache, someone who can slip away from the clutches of a love that hurts more than hate could ever manage to do.

❁ ❁ ❁

Heartbreak isn’t beautiful, no matter how eloquently you try to dress it in the syllables of poetry, no words can soften the burn in your lungs, the searing ache that courses through your very core, reminding you that deep within, down to the fundamentals of your being and the most basic alchemy that ties your atoms together— you are unlovable. Whether you cut your hair or allow it to grow, change your heart, or leave it as it has always been, you will remain so.

You don’t remember much of the past week, blurry fragments here and there that float in your mind like a distorted water reflection. There is little room for memories when you are busy trying to remember how to breathe— one inhale in, one exhale out. The simple concept seems harder when there are unkind hands permanently lodged into your heart, squeezing it tight.

What you do remember is telling Seungmin through text the next day, because you couldn’t bear the way his eyes would soften if you spoke to him in person. No signs of surprise cast on his figure, because he knew that it was long coming, a train with one final inevitable destination— you in shambles, him okay.

You remember Seungmin cradling you in his arms when he came to see you, and you trying desperately to keep the tears at bay— too focused on pinching your arm to let Seungmin’s warmth radiate through your being, Hyunjin lingering uncomfortably by the entrance of his living room.

You remember begging Seungmin to grab your belongings from the apartment you shared with your ex because you were unable to face him, him, and everything that your old place spelled out for you. Stand in the ruins of what you once thought would be your permanent home.

And now, you watch as Seungmin and Hyunjin bring suitcases full of your stuff into the latter’s place. And you feel like an outsider in your own body, standing at the corner of the room gazing at utter destruction, unable to stop it, unable to mend it. Seungmin quickly reassures you that you could crash in his and Minho’s place until you find a new one to live in, already taking out his laptop to search for new apartments for you.

But you did not care for it, your eyes zeroed in on the satin shirt peeking out of your suitcase. The one he bought you on your first month anniversary. Back when love felt like a gentle feather running down your spine, and not a dull knife slicing away at your skin.

“This place's expensive too,” Seungmin sighs, rubbing his temple warily. Your logical best friend could not fix your heartbreak but he took it to heart to alleviate your other troubles. You would thank him for it, later, when your tongue finds enough will to move.

“What if you move in with me?” Hyunjin suddenly says and his words filtrate through the fog in your mind easily, as if he rehearsed them enough times so they’d roll out smoothly out of his mouth. “I mean, Felix is away for the next year since he went back to Australia. And I was looking for a new roommate anyway.” He shrugs and Seungmin turns to look at you, his eyes convey the question his mouth doesn’t articulate— is it okay with you?

“I don’t…” your voice is croaked, so you clear your throat. “I don’t want you to do things out of pity.”

“I’m not. If I was, I would've told you to move in with me for free. I still need you to pay rent,” he raises his eyebrows, a playful tease and you smile in relief, nodding, “Okay, I will. thank you.”

Heartbreak is ugly and all-encompassing, weaving through the roots of your heart and infecting each organ with its insidious touch. It renders you immobile, incapable of performing the simplest tasks, burdened by a weight unseen by the world. But you try your best, your very best to contain it.

You smile at the cashier as she hands back your money only to wonder if her soft, well-manicured hands would too crush a soul without remorse. You go to all your classes without fail but your mind is elsewhere, contemplating why the sun filtering through the windows no longer warms your skin. Can nerve endings perish when subjected to too much pain? What's left of life when you can no longer feel the caress of the sun?

You watch a movie at Seungmin's dorm but your mind is elsewhere, fleeting to this morning and how you refused to stay in the shower for more than three minutes because your thoughts might become haunting ghosts tempting you to follow them. You brush your hair and spray your perfume, only because you have to, because you live with Hyunjin and you wouldn’t want your sadness to taint him too. You wonder how long you’ll have to bear it. You wonder if it’ll ever leave you or if the veins in your heart have molded themselves after the pain and they wouldn’t know how to accept happiness anymore.

You greet Hyunjin as he walks past you, shaking your head when he asks you if you want to eat dinner with him, quickly retracting back into your room. You have ten unread messages and a pile of growing laundry you need to do, but all you can muster is to gaze at the empty walls, mirroring the void within you. Your mom told you to call her again and you don’t know how you’ll speak to her without bursting into a sob, how you’ll tell her that all it took was one person to break you. Or maybe it was two people, your hands and his tearing apart your flesh and bones. Maybe that’s the worst part about it. So you don’t call her.

And you only ever emerge from your room when you need to, just like now because your water bottle is finished and you need to refill it. You go to open the kitchen door when you hear Hyunjin’s muted shatter, Felix’s distinctive deep voice coming out of the phone speaker.

“Next you add the melted butter and stir it,” Felix instructs, the sounds of pots and utensils clinking in the background. You fidget slightly, mustering the strength to paint a fake smile on your lips.

“What next?”

“Sift the dry ingredients then add them to your wet mixture,” Felix explains, met with a few seconds of silence. You can almost visualize Hyunjin's perplexed expression, blinking rapidly in confusion.

“Explain it to me like I’m five years old,” he requests, prompting a small smile to etch itself onto your face.

“How are you surviving without me?”

“I’m not please come home,” Hyunjin sounds horrified as Felix’s rich chuckles fill the air. “Why do you suddenly want to make brownies anyway?” he then asks.

You go to open the door when Hyunjin’s response catches you off guard.

“They’re for Yn.”

Hyunjin's words resonate in the air, causing a hitch in your throat and Felix’s teasing whistles simultaneously, but Hyunjin is quick to stop him. “No, no, no, it’s not like that. They’re just a bit down and I remember them loving your brownies. So…”

It takes you a fleeting moment to dig the memory out of your mind, a year ago, right before your ex came to pick you up from Seungmin’s dorm. You had a bite of Felix’s brownies, a surprised gasp escaping your lips at its delicious taste, back when food had taste and happiness came easily to you. It was an insignificant memory, you did not imagine Hyunjin, out of everyone, would remember it.

But he did, and he’s now pacing before your closed door, contemplating how he’ll convince you to finally eat something with him. He throws a thumbs-up in the air for no one but himself, inhaling deeply before knocking on your door.

“Hey,” he greets with a hopeful smile, his gaze meeting your tired form. He hesitates for a second, clearing his throat. “Brownies?” You remain unmoving and he falters, “Hm? Please?”

“Sure,” you nod and a wave of relief floods through Hyunjin as you step out of your room. His joy is short-lived when he takes the brownies out of the oven, only to find them thoroughly burnt.

His mouth hangs agape, and he walks back shamefully to the oven, lowering its door only to scream inside of it.

“This will be more therapeutic,” you say, pointing nonchalantly to the fridge and he agrees, opening its doors and yelling once again in the much larger space.

Your melodic laughter fills the kitchen, Hyunjin’s embarrassment is suddenly a forgotten memory.

“I’m craving kimbap. Should we get it instead?” you propose, a touch shyly and he quickly agrees, afraid you’d change your mind and walk back to your room where he can no longer ensure you are okay.

Hyunjin absentmindedly dances along to the music blasting through the convenience store when a girl sidles up to his side, a saccharine grin on her lips as she looks up at him, “hi,” she greets and his tentative smile mirrors hers. “Hey.”

“Are you single?” she asks, her gaze briefly fleeting to the window. “I think you are really cute.”

“I’m…” he glances at you but you're suddenly engrossed in the ingredients of the tuna kimbap you are holding, pretending not to listen. “I am but I’m not interested, thank you.”

“Oh, come on,” she places a hand on his arm and he physically recoils. “Give me your insta and we could talk.”

“No,” he repeats, grabbing her hand to remove it when a loud voice startles him. “Baby, what’s taking you so— What are you doing?” Hyunjin watches in horror as the girl’s eyes grow wide, before she scrambles to the man’s side, feigning fear.

“He kept hitting on me when I said I had a boyfriend, baby.”

“What?” both you and Hyunjin gasped in comical unison. He would find it amusing if not for the escalating anger radiating from the man, who looks like he spends all his days in the gym. Hyunjin suddenly regrets not working out with Changbin.

The man strides towards Hyunjin. “Do you want to die?”

“No? there’s a misunderstanding,” he replies, swiftly standing before you and shielding you with his arm. “Your… baby,” he wiggles his finger in front of the man's face, “she was the one hitting on me!”

The man scoffs loudly, his face growing redder from the anger seething in him. “So you hit on my girlfriend and then accuse her of cheating?” His fist rises threateningly, prompting Hyunjin to step back, accidentally bumping into your chest.

“Wait, wait, wait! Let’s go talk outside, man to man,” Hyunjin pauses, his voice taking on a taunting edge, “unless you're too scared?” he smirks as he feels you pull at his shirt, whispering an incredulous- “What are you doing?” He shakes his head, grabbing your hand and leading you outside, throwing a sly wink at the man behind you now.

“Are you seriously going to fight him?” you ask, your gaze shifting towards the deranged couple who are about to step out of the grocery store. “No, of course not. I'm a lover, not a fighter.”

“You said you'd fight my ex,” you point out and his eyes soften surprisingly.

“You are an exception.” He looks back at the man, who's now walking towards you both. “But anyways, do you know how to run?” he asks and you frown, “who doesn’t know how to—” you pause as realization dawns on you. “No," you whisper furiously.

“Yes.”

“No,” you shake your head, horrified and he nods, eyes apologetic.

“Yes.” His fingers entwine with yours, he squeezes your hand once before he takes off running.

“Hwang fucking Hyunjin!” you shout and he looks back at you, a mischievous smile on his face. “I’m sorry Yn my face is too pretty to be beaten up.”

“He’s following us!” you yell, looking back horrified as the, even angrier, man runs after you.

“Well, run faster!”

“I’m wearing fucking slippers!” you curse and he giggles, tipping his head back, the wind slamming into you both, his hand never letting go of your own.

“Oh my god why is he still running!” you groan and Hyunjin picks up speed, moving you even closer to his sprinting figure

“I know, is it ever that serious?” he yells above his shoulder and you dig your nails into his palm.

“Shut up, this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so gorgeous.”

“So, you think I’m pretty too?” Hyunjin grins proudly and an incredulous laugh escapes your lips.

“Really? Is this what you’re getting out of this situation?”

“Silver linings, Yn, silver linings,” he shouts as you round a small alley, finally stopping to catch your breath. You both fall to the ground, heavy breaths escaping your chests.

“Holy shit, I’m not athletic at all,” he heaves, his eyes meeting yours. He expects to find anger lingering in your gaze but all he can grasp is your amused smile before you collapse into a fit of laughter, clapping loudly and clutching your stomach with your hand.

“Oh my god, I’m crying,” you laugh harder, wiping away at the tears falling from your eyes. Hyunjin’s weariness disappears in the blink of an eye— he did not realize how much he missed your smile until he glimpsed it again. And it is beautiful. Happiness looks beautiful on you.

“Idiot,” you hit his shoulder playfully, and his response is delayed for a few seconds, the warmth from your smile rendering him immobile.

“I’m sorry,” he chuckles, pulling you up. “Here, I’ll carry you home,” he squats slightly before you. “How impolite of me. How dare I make your majesty run.”

You shake your head, amused, before climbing atop his back, his warm palms holding your thighs securely. “Only because the slippers hurt my feet.”

You walk in silence for a while, your arms wound up around Hyunjin’s neck, the ghost of a smile still lingering on both your faces.

“They said it will snow tomorrow,” Hyunjin speaks suddenly and you stay silent for so long he starts to wonder if you even heard him.

“Mm? That’s nice,” your tone is melancholic, and he pauses at the peculiar sadness in it— as though you were trying to act nonchalant about something that has once meant the world to you.

“Don’t you like the snow?” he asks and your hold on his neck falters.

“I loved it. Loved ice skating and building snowmen.” Your voice is light and airy, like Hyunjin’s favorite mint chocolate ice cream. “But now it reminds me of bad times, bad memories.”

“I understand.”

Hyunjin knows what it feels like to relinquish parts of yourself you never wished to part from. For someone to grab your happiest places and to cast a gloomy filter atop them. Sometimes it is the loss of a season that hurts more than the departure of a person.

And Hyunjin loves winter.

He’ll do everything so that you’ll come to love it again too.

❁ ❁ ❁

Is it a nightmare if the person in it is one you once loved, looked forward to beholding with your gaze, hoping they’d never slip out of your reach? You don’t know, but you are growing tired of having the same dreams every night. Of waking up with an exhaustion that goes beyond your restless sleep but pleads from your soul to rest after almost a year of torment.

You sigh wearily, rubbing a hand through your face before walking to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water. You find Hyunjin there, eating a cupcake while standing shirtless, scrolling through his phone. You blink at the sight.

“Hey,” you clear your throat and he startles, dropping the cupcake on the ground. He goes to pick it up only to bang his head on the table, a loud yelp escaping his lips. You barely contain your giggles as you walk to his side, rubbing your palm soothingly on his head. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you.”

“At least pretend you are sorry,” he mumbles, pointing to your amused smile and you chuckle, taking his hand and helping him to his feet.

“What are you doing up now?” he asks as he grabs some napkins to clean up the pink frosting smeared across the floor.

You hesitate for a few seconds before whispering, “Just nightmares. And you?” you quickly add, not keen on pushing the subject any further.

“I'm working on a song,” he explains, as his gaze lingers on your sunken eyes, weighed down by dark circles from too many sleepless nights.

“And the cupcake?”

“Some people need caffeine to function. I need flour.”

“I literally see you drink three americanos per day.”

“Okay well maybe I need both,” he admits sheepishly and you grin, drumming your fingers along the countertop.

“Can I sit with you while you work?” you ask quickly, before the words linger enough in your mouth that you no longer wish to spit them out.

The smile that Hyunjin sends you is kind, pushing the shadows of your nightmares just slightly out of reach.

“Of course, yeah you can. Don’t even need to ask.”

Hyunjin walks first into his bedroom, quickly slipping on a hoodie while you take in the interior. It is a quite simple room— a large bed with gray covers, and a desk filled with what you assume to be his producing equipment sits adjacent. But what catches your attention is the dried rose hung delicately on the wall, and the array of paintings surrounding it. You edge closer to it, drawn to the well-crafted paintings— a sun-drenched beach, a couple lost in an embrace so intimate their forms can no longer be separated, and an elderly pair riding a motorcycle, their love radiating vibrantly as if enclosed in eternal youth.

“You paint?” you ask, turning around to find Hyunjin watching you. He steps closer, enveloping you once more in the fragrance of his rose perfume.

“In my free time.”

“You are amazing, Hyunjin,” you compliment sincerely, your gaze fixed on that imagery of the old couple, one that most likely grew together. It tugs at your heartstrings, stirs a painful longing within you, a memory of a time when you too believed you’d find such boundless love.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, before brushing his fingertips gently against your forearm, for a fleeting second. “Are you okay?” he asks, a tenderness you’ve been aching for latched into his question. Your eyes refuse to peel away from the paintings and the love spilling from each paint brush stroke, a love that refuses to rest on your being as if you were harboring an armor that repels it.

“No,” you reply sincerely, turning to face him. “It’s really hard,” you say with a smile, hoping that the mechanical display of happiness would keep your tears at bay, tricking your brain into believing you're not as sad as you feel.

It fails to do so, and the tears well in your eyes like a gathering storm. Frustration twists your features as you shut your eyes, tilting your head upward in a desperate attempt to contain the flood. It pauses as Hyunjin cradles the back of your head, drawing you close to the warmth of his neck. His palm glides soothingly along your spine, before patting your back ever so gently.

Your back stiffens, hands curling into tight fists, breath catching in your throat. You've grown accustomed to pushing away comfort, putting up tall barriers to shield yourself. But tonight, Hyunjin seems to break through your defenses.

Tonight, you soften, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, head nestling deeper against his tender skin.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he whispers and another sob wracks through you, but he only holds you tighter. “It’ll get better soon.”

“I loved him,” you hiccup, your voice breaks, “a lot.”

“I know, that’s why it hurts.” His voice is gentle, and yet his hold on you feels secure as if you could stumble and fall, and he would be there to catch you

“I want it to stop hurting.”

“It will, with time.”

Your next words are tinged with a childlike vulnerability, reminiscent of blow one, then two. But you do not care for it, in that instant, you crave the reassurance, you need someone to plant a seed of hope in your soul because your hands are too frail to dig for it.

“Do you promise me?”

His response doesn’t come hastily, carelessly thrown into the air like idle chatters. He takes his time, considering it with the gravity of an oath.

“I promise you.” He finally says, each syllable infused with sincerity. A brief pause hangs in the air before he adds. “And if it doesn’t then you can hit me.”

“On your pretty face?” you ask, a smile tugging at your lips despite yourself.

“On my pretty face,” he confirms with a chuckle.

“What an honor,” you roll your eyes playfully as you lean back and he grins, tenderly wiping away your tears with the back of his fingers.

“I can't believe it took three minutes for you to cry in my room. This isn’t good for my reputation.”

“Good thing this will never leave this bedroom, right?” you point a finger at him threateningly, and he pretends to zip his lips, tossing away the imaginary key. “You got it.”

“So what are you working on?” you ask as you settle on the edge of his bed, knees drawn up to your chest.

“It’s a pretty sad song, wanna hear?” he offers, sitting across from you on his chair.

“Yeah, I'd love to,” you smile, and Hyunjin deftly adjusts a few buttons, before his melancholic whistles weave through the air, coupled with the somber melody of a piano. Your breath catches in your throat, the music reaching into the very depths of your soul. It's as if the notes are calling out for a loved one, for a time that has long passed, for a past that will never come back no matter how much we long for it.

The instrumental continues, each piano note and each violin string echo like a bittersweet lament, springing tears to your eyes. But the melody remains beautiful, akin to the beauty always found in the sadness— in the tears that cascade down your cheeks like glistening crystals, in the tremble of your hands akin to branches swaying in the wind, in the rise and fall of your chest with each breath, mirroring the ebb and flow of the waves.

Hyunjin watches you intently as the music envelops you both, his gaze softening with each passing moment. You bring a hand to your chest, almost unconsciously, too engrossed in the melody to even blink. He feels a blush sprout on his cheeks as your teary eyes hold his with the last fading guitar strings.

“You keep on making me cry,” you whisper, your voice choked with emotion, and he grins, tilting his head shyly against his shoulder.

“You like it?” he asks, a tad eager and you nod, not bothering to wipe the lone tears that are falling down your cheeks.

“I think this is what my loneliness sounds like,” you confess softly.

“As do mine.”

A silent beat runs between you both, it isn’t uncomfortable, but safe. Because you understand him, just as he understands you.

“Sometimes I long for things that have passed," he admits, “although I know I can't get them anymore.”

“The most terrible thing you can long for is yourself.”

“Because no one’s to blame for that loss but you?” he muses and you nod, a sad smile tugging at your lips. “Yeah, exactly.”

You bite your lip, casting a glance back at the paintings adorning the wall. “I don't love him anymore,” you begin quietly. “I stopped a long time ago because there was no room for love anymore to grow amid weeds and thorns.”

He remains silent, sensing that this is a weight you need to unburden yourself from.

“But in the midst of it I think I stopped loving myself too,” you whisper, a confession too terrible to be uttered out loud. “That's what I long for. The things I used to love that I'm indifferent to now.”

“Like you’re a stranger before everything once familiar to you.”

“Yeah, you express it prettily,” you remark with a small smile.

“It's my job,” he grins lightly.

“I think when your heart is pure,” he begins after a while, pausing to carefully choose the words that will soothe your burn, help sleep come more easily to you. “You give love to others more readily than you do to yourself. And it takes time, patience, to redirect that love back to your own heart once again. But it's not a mistake to love, you shouldn’t hate yourself for it. Nor should you blame your past self for loving the wrong person because they did not know what you now do.”

“Think of it as a caterpillar in their cocoon,” he continues gently, “when they finally emerge from their chrysalis, they might long for who they were, where they once were because it is the only place they've ever known. But they do not realize that they've transformed into a beautiful butterfly, that they can now fly, and witness much more than their chrysalis. So maybe, your new self will love the same things as before, or maybe you’ll find new, better things to love that you would have not known before. But in either way, your heart is beautiful. That is what matters, no?”

A small pout draws on your lips, your eyebrows scrunched as you gaze at him.

“You have a very tender soul, Hyunjin.”

Your words linger in Hyunjin's mind long after the sunrise, as you lay peacefully asleep on his bed. The melody of the instrumental he produced continues to play faintly in the background, serving as a gentle lullaby that eases you into slumber, entwined in his sheets, your arms wrapped protectively around yourself, one hand cradling your shoulders and the other resting gently on your stomach. The image sears into his eyes as he sketches the outlines of a figure holding itself absentmindedly, long into the night.

Hyunjin has had his fair share of compliments, mostly pertaining to his face, and others to his craft. but it is you who seems to have sensed that a part of his soul resided in his art, that he left pieces of his heart hidden in the notes he composes and the lyrics he writes, hoping they’ll find soft hands that will take care of them, just like your own.

Five days later.

hyunjin [11:34 p.m.]: are you home?

yn [11:34 p.m.]: yeahh, do you need anything?

hyunjin [11:35 p.m.]: come downstairs, im waiting for youu

if you say no i’ll freeze to death..

hurry i can’t feel my fingers anymore (please please) ㅠㅠㅠ

“This better be a life and death situation Hwang Hyunjin,” you say threateningly as soon as you appear before Hyunjin, causing him to straighten up from the wall he was leaning against.

“It is a very dangerous life-altering situation that requires your immediate assistance, indeed,” he responds solemnly, ushering you gently to his car and opening the door for you.

“Which is?” you ask as soon as he settles inside the car and he simply grins at you, his left dimple coming forth like the very sun on a gloomy day.

“You’ll see.”

Hyunjin’s eyes fleet to your figure every now and then, but you do not seem to notice, your gaze lost into the blurring lights ahead. He can tell you're still not entirely yourself, so he was prepared to forcibly drag you along with him. He’s almost surprised you accepted to come down so easily.

“Is that… Seungmin?” you speak suddenly, pointing to a man waving in the distance, as Hyunjin parks his car near an empty field.

“And Changbin? And Minho?” you continue, squinting your eyes, “and a bonfire?” you giggle with a hint of excitement.

“You love s’mores during the winter, right?”

Hyunjin smiles, your soul softens.

“I do,” you say quietly, “I really do.”

You quickly exit the car, running into Seungmin's arms with a grin of disbelief plastered on your face. “This is insane,” you almost shout, squeezing him tight in a hug.

“It was so hard to find the perfect middle of nowhere for this,” Minho grumbles as you move to greet him, but the warmth of his embrace assures you he's only teasing.

“Thank you,” you say with a smile as you hug Changbin, who affectionately ruffles your hair. “It was Hyunjin’s idea,” he reveals, and you glance back at Hyunjin, who stands with his hands buried deep within his sweatpants behind you. You mouth a silent “thank you” to him, but he shakes his head modestly as if it is nothing to bring happiness to a bruised heart.

The night unfolds in endless laughter, with Minho and Hyunjin taking turns roasting marshmallows over the crackling bonfire, and Seungmin serving you hot coffee to keep your hands warm. Your stomach aches from the uncontrollable fits of giggles that overtook your being as Minho recounts the time he danced so vigorously on stage for his dance club that he ripped his pants, feeling a breeze where there shouldn't be one; and Changbin tells you the story of the time his voice cracked in the middle of a rap battle, and how none of the boys stopped teasing him about it for months to come.

And as the four of them take turns making you laugh, a quiet, tender realization dawns on you—you are loved. It is something he tried to convince you was impossible, that no one around truly cared for you but him. And even then, you weren’t deserving of his love whole, only scrapes of it, as if you were a beggar tugging at the outskirts of his heart.

But Hyunjin reminded you otherwise. And if your friends found something worthy of love within you then perhaps so will you again, one day.

“Did you have fun?” Hyunjin asks as he opens the door to his, your, apartment hours later. What he doesn't expect is for you to respond by wrapping your arms around his slender torso, squeezing tight in gratitude.

“Thank you,” you whisper and he nods, though you cannot see him, returning the embrace by wrapping his arms around your shoulder blades.

Hyunjin doesn't let go first, sensing that perhaps you need this hug more than he does. He smiles as your eyes meet his again, but his grin falters when he notices your gaze flickering towards your bedroom, a hint of unease clouding your expression. It's as if behind that door lie monsters only you can grasp, wearing the faces of people you once knew, once loved.

“Wanna stay with me while I work on the song?”

“Last time I ended up sleeping on your bed,” you say a bit shamefully, recalling the morning you woke up to find yourself covered with a thick blanket that wasn’t there before, alone in Hyunjin's room.

“It's okay,” he shrugs, “I missed sleeping on the couch.”

You stare pointedly at him and he chuckles, “Fine, I did not miss it. But you needed the sleep, so it’s okay with me.”

“Fine,” you concede, though you did not need much convincing for it. “But only if you promise you’ll wake me up if I end up falling asleep again.”

Hyunjin tilts his head, thinking to himself for a few seconds before shaking his head stubbornly, a small pout drawn on his face, his eyes semi-closed. “No.”

“Hyunjin!”

“Nu-uh,” he insists, shaking his head once more as he walks back towards his room. “I'm waiting for you!”

“I'm not coming!”

But you do eventually join him, after changing your clothes and washing your face. You find Hyunjin clad in beige and white checkered pajamas, his glasses pushing back his silky hair as he hunches over his journal, scribbling away before erasing what he wrote.

“Struggling with lyrics?” you ask, leaning against the wall and he startles. “Do you float on the ground? Why can I never hear you come in?”

“Or maybe you just love being dramatic,” you sing-song, laying atop his bed, much more at ease than the previous night.

Hyunjin sticks his tongue out childishly in response, and you playfully mimic the gesture before both of you dissolve into happy giggles.

“Kind of,” he explains once you both settle down, “I have this specific feeling in mind that I need to convey.”

“You'll do well,” you reassure softly, “your lyrics are always so beautiful. Remember Cover me?” you smile and he scratches the back of his ear, a shy grin spreading across his face.

“You still listen to it?” he asks and you nod eagerly, attempting to belt into Seungmin’s ending high note. You fail horribly and Hyunjin throws a crumpled piece of paper on your face to get you to stop singing.

“My poor ears,” he laughs loudly, and you retaliate by throwing back a pillow on his head.

“You just don’t get my artistic abilities.”

“I’d get them more if you stayed silent.”

You gasp, faking offense as you stand up to tickle Hyunjin on his chair, he starts squirming immediately, his loud giggles spilling all over the room, coating it in vibrant hues of happiness, and you’re suddenly captivated by the sight of him— his head thrown back, a golden lock framing his laughter-filled eyes, his top lowering slightly to reveal glimpses of his collarbones and the delicate veins that trace enticing paths on his neck.

You pause, your hand hovering over the side of his stomach, as a long-forgotten warmth spreads through your heart, like the first rays of dawn greeting the earth after a long winter night. It doesn’t diffuse quickly through your being, but rather drapes like sticky honey on your veins, making you well aware of your growing blush, of how beautiful Hyunjin is in his joy.

“Never singing to you again,” you clear your throat, laying atop his bed once again, and quickly reaching for your phone, anything to avoid his eyes which rival the crescent moon outside his window.

Hours pass before a warm hand gently settles on your shoulder, rousing you from your slumber. Blinking away the fog of sleep, you find Hyunjin leaning over you, his grin wide and infectious. “Wake up,” he whispers, but you only groan, burying your face deeper into his pillow.

He doesn’t yield, taking hold of your wrist and guiding your drowsy figure upright, before wrapping the blanket snugly around your shoulders. Without a word, he leads you out onto his balcony, carefully putting his neon green beanie on your head to shield you from the cold.

“It’s snowing!” he smiles, and his excited tone manages to dissipate the fog in your mind. You blink repeatedly and soon enough, you too behold the fallen snowflakes, each one resembling a tiny speck of light bidding farewell to the sky to greet the earth.

“You missed the first snow so I didn’t want you to miss this one too,” he explains, and his thoughtfulness blankets you with a warmth that seeps into every crevice in your body, drips down your fingertips and makes the cold of 4 a.m. seem less harsh, less biting to the touch.

You don’t know how to say thank you, because those two words don’t encapsulate the depths of gratitude that you feel for Hyunjin. Because he is speaking to the person within you who still loves snow, the part buried underneath layers of dust from a ground heartbreak. But you still manage to hear him, and you squeeze his hand tightly, and he doesn’t let go until you finally do.

❁ ❁ ❁

Remembering has become easier for you these past two months— both the good and the bad. And each day, the scale tips towards one side or the other. Sometimes you recall the suffocation you felt with him, the feeling that no matter what you did you could never please him, that your hands were crafted to break rather than mend. And on those days your wound grows, it throbs and bleeds different emotions.

Sometimes it's anger— at him for treating your heart so carelessly as if you were a being devoid of feeling. And then at you— for staying, for giving him excuses and desperately searching for goodness within him, for the one redeeming quality that would convince you he was worth the pain.

And other days bring an excruciating sadness along, a weight that presses down upon you until you're paralyzed. Because you feel bad for yourself and for everything you went through. Because you’re unsure how to rise when unseen hands push you deeper into the abyss.

And on these days, Seungmin becomes your anchor. He buys your favorite food, skips classes with you, and takes you to your favorite gardens. He talks and he talks and you try your best to laugh because you do not wish to worry him more. It is enough to be your own burden, you do not wish to burden him too.

But when he drops you home, your facade slips away, the smile fading from your face as if it were never truly yours to wear. You are too tired to pretend so you don’t, and Hyunjin doesn’t let you, either. He brews you tea and orders takeout because he knows you lack the energy for cooking. He goes with you on walks and drapes you in pieces of his clothing— scarves and beanies and gloves because he knows you couldn’t care less about a cold when there is a frost coating your bones. He lets you sit in his room while he works on his songs, and while he paints. Sometimes you talk and often you don't need to. But he’s there. He's there with you.

But you also remember the good. You remember your movie night with the boys, Hyunjin building an entire fort for you, adorned with twinkling lights and the softest blankets. How you watched movies until 5 a.m. your bodies so closely huddled together that there was no room left for sadness.

You recall Hyunjin begging you to build a snowman with him at the crack of dawn, the two of you collapsing in fits of laughter as you threw snowballs at one another, your footsteps marking the fresh fallen snow.

You remember being so exhausted after one of your showers that you simply laid atop the couch, gaze fixed on the void, too drained to even untangle the knots in your hair. Yet, it is not the tiredness that you exactly recall, nor the salty tears you shed underneath the scorching water jet. But it is Hyunjin's tender hands as he brushed through your hair, his fingers tracing the nape of your neck, his knuckles ghosting over the slate of your shoulder. You remember whispering that it was a particularly hard day and Hyunjin understanding. You remember him watching many YouTube tutorials to prepare your favorite seaweed soup, only for it to end up being too salty. But you still ate it all, because he made it for you, to lift your wounded spirits. And that alone was enough for it to taste good.

You remember your heart hardening then softening again, breaking then stitching itself back together, closing off then blooming like flowers on the first day of spring. You remember smiling only to cry then smile again. And you remember liking snow, a bit more than you thought you would. Because Hyunjin was there, holding your trembling hand, steadying it enough for you to rewrite your memories with winter.

So, you want to say thank you.

You do not wish to spell it out, because there are too many things to thank Hyunjin for and too few words to do so. Instead, you drag him to the farmer’s market near your home, and you tell him to help you pick flowers.

“I could be in bed watching my favorite show and yet here I am bestowing you with my enchanting presence,” he sighs, not too modestly, as you both eye the array of colorful blooms.

“Okay, Shakespeare, are you done?” you roll your eyes, attempting your best to hide your grin.

“Done annoying you? Never. These are very pretty,” he adds, pointing to the white roses in full bloom, their delicate petals emitting a sweet fragrance into the air.

“I agree, what else should we add?” you ponder, picking out four roses.

“Mm, Hibiscus? The red in the center is so vibrant,” he suggests, taking out his phone to capture the flower.

“Cute. Baby breath’s would look good too,” you say as you gather the flowers, heading to the cashier with Hyunjin trailing behind, still admiring the delicate blooms.

“Can I write a note?” you ask the middle-aged man as he wraps the bouquet in a powder blue paper.

“Sure,” he replies with a smile, and you return the gesture, quickly jotting down your words.

“Are you done?” Hyunjin grins when you return to his side and you nod, exiting the flower shop.

“What do you think?” you ask, angling the bouquet towards him.

“It's beautiful.”

“It’s yours,” you smile, growing shier at the intensity of his gaze as it lands on you, then the flowers, then on you again. “Take it,” you hand it to him, your cheeks flushing like the hibiscus’s crimson core.

“Actually?” he says softly, his fingers trembling slightly as he accepts the flowers and you nod in response. You bite your lip as you watch him take out the note, his eyes softening once he reads the words inscribed in it— thank you for making my winter less cold.

“Should we go?” you say a tad too cheerfully, turning away, but Hyunjin grabs your wrist, spinning you around once more. His fingers trail up your arm, coming to rest gently on your cheek as he leans down to plant a tender kiss there.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, his lips lingering against your skin for a moment longer than necessary. You think that if his soft lips grace your skin a few times more, your nerve endings might forget the harshness they were subjected to. If his gentle hands remain on your cheeks, then maybe, your heart would heal quicker, better. Maybe your past self that you long for would emerge again, maybe Hyunjin would be able to unearth it.

Your hopeful thoughts disappear as quickly as they arrive, overshadowed by a sense of helplessness that crashes over you, all of the sudden. You sense him before you hear him, the familiar anxiety that is only synonymous with your ex’s presence.

“Yn?” the sound of your name feels harsher in his mouth, the syllables spat out rather than spoken tenderly, as they are when Hyunjin pronounces it. Your veins run cold as his voice pierces the air, your heart skipping three beats at once before plummeting to your knees. You wrap your hand around Hyunjin’s forearm instinctively, and he looks down at you, his expression morphing into one of concern.

You’re unsure of what he sees in you— whether it is your pale face, the quiver of your lower lip, or the fear that has coated all your features— but his eyes harden, his brows furrowing as he gazes at the man behind you.

You refuse to turn around, bracing yourself for his next words. “Yn,” he repeats his tone laced with anger, his fingertips grazing your arm as if intending to force you to face him. But before he can touch you, Hyunjin intervenes, swiftly stepping in between you and your ex, shielding you with his own body protectively.

“Leave,” Hyunjin's voice is cold, dripping with a venomous edge you've never heard from him before, his jaw clenching with barely contained fury.

“Is this your new shiny toy, Yn?” your ex taunts and his voice cuts through your being against your will, triggering a flood of memories you've tried so desperately to suppress. Memories of his cruelty, his manipulation, and the pain he inflicted upon you—using your love as a weapon to bolster his own ego.

“What's in it for you?” you find your voice again, though it trembles when you speak. He is the very embodiment of your pain and everything you loathe about yourself. You wish for the ground to swallow you whole, for a bolt of lightning to strike the earth, anything to spare you from facing him.

“It's only been three months, I didn't know you were a whore.”

Hyunjin's fist connects with his cheek before you can register his words. It all unfolds so rapidly that you barely have time to comprehend it. Your ex staggers back, blood trickling from the cut on his lip, while Hyunjin stands before you, his chest heaving with restrained anger, his right hand clenched into a fist, the bouquet still held tightly in the other.

“Fine, I deserved it,” your ex chuckles, his voice laced with mockery as he wipes the blood from his lip. His gaze meets yours briefly behind Hyunjin's back.

“You might not be a whore but you are unlovable, keep that in mind.” He spits out before walking away, crude words that tear at every scab covering your wounds, reopening them with a brutal force. Hyunjin moves to follow him, but you grab his shirt, pulling him back.

“He’s not worth it,” you murmur.

Your words seem to snap Hyunjin out of his haze as he turns to look at you, worry cast across his figure. He moves to cradle your cheeks but you step back, refusing to meet his eyes. He swallows thickly, clutching the bouquet in his hands. “Are you okay?”

You let out a heavy sigh, your shoulders slumping as you shake your head slightly. “Let's just go home,” you whisper, eyes fleeting to his for a split second. All the lights in your gaze are muted.

You’re crumbling before him once again and he cannot stop it, no matter how much he yearns to.

It's long past midnight when you find yourself seated on the floor of your living room, a bottle of red wine placed between you and Hyunjin. You exchange it wordlessly, taking turns sipping from it, the alcohol warming your insides but doing little to ease the ache in your heart. You don’t exactly recall when Hyunjin sat next to you, but you don’t mind. You were too lost in your own thoughts to even register his presence.

“Yn,” he calls out softly and you hum absentmindedly, memories of when your ex spoke your name haunting you, each time he yelled your name, uttered it in disdain as if it was the starting point of everything wrong with you.

“Talk to me, please?” he pleads, angling his body towards your own. But you refuse to meet his eyes and Hyunjin’s heart twists in his chest. He is afraid of all the ugly thoughts that must roam your mind. He wishes he could enter it, open the windows wide, and usher the light in.

“I'm sorry you were dragged into this,” you say, your gaze fixated on the bouquet placed atop the table. The crimson painted on the hibiscus’ petals reminds you of the blood that spilled from your ex’s mouth, and your gaze fleets to Hyunjin's hand, slightly bruised from the punch.

“Don’t apologize,” he whispers, “there is nothing to be sorry for.”

It’s as though you don’t hear him, your fingers trailing gently across his scraped knuckles, tears pooling in your eyes the more you stare at his hand.

“Does it hurt?” you ask, voice thick with emotion, and Hyunjin’s quick to shake his head. “No, don’t worry about it. He deserved it.”

“You didn’t deserve to be hurt.”

“Neither did you.”

Your disbelieving scoff that follows scares him. What if you’re slipping away into a dark place yet again, one void and barricaded, in which the only sound that echoes is your ex’s hurtful words? What if he can’t reach you again?

“If the only person I’ve ever loved says I’m unlovable then maybe I am.”

You’re drunk, you wouldn’t have said such an ugly thing otherwise, wouldn’t have allowed this sentiment to materialize into the air, to take a tangible form apart from your abstract thoughts.

“No,” Hyunjin says in a panic as though he’s trying to quickly pull the brakes on your free-railing thoughts. He cups your face between his palms, your tears falling freely atop his hands but he does not move away.

“No,” he repeats, more calmly this time. “How he treated you is a reflection of who he is. And how you see him is a reflection of who you are. And you wanted him to be loving because you’re full of love. You wanted him to be good because you are a good person. And he can’t stomach that, can’t stomach that you are happy without him so he’s trying to ruin you again.”

“Hyunjin…” you shake your head but he only inches closer to you, his thumbs gently caressing your cheekbones. “No, listen to me. Seungmin loves you so much he couldn’t eat properly for the first few days you stayed here, texted me all the time asking me how you were and if you were feeling better. He isn't good with words so instead he tries to make you laugh. He wishes he could give up parts of his happiness for you.”

A sob swells within you but Hyunjin presses on. “And Minho, he tried to memorize all your favorite recipes so he could cook them for you. It isn’t a coincidence that every time we go over to their dorm it is your favorite food that we eat. He takes more pictures of his cats these days so he could send them to you because he knows it cheers you up.”

“You told me Changbin doesn’t know you well enough to fight for you but when we saw your ex across the campus one day he wanted to get up and beat him. He always asks me if you are well and if there is something he can do for you, anything.”

He inhales deeply, tears welling up in his eyes as well. “And me…” a tender smile graces his lips as he gazes at you, “you make this house a home. I feel like my true self when you are around and loneliness doesn’t come to me as often as it did. Because you are here. You are like a beam of sunlight that lightens up every life you touch, mine first,” he’s baring his soul to you, vulnerable yet resolute. “So tell me, Yn, what’s not to love in you when you yourself are so full of love?”

“Hyune,” you speak the nickname for the first time, and Hyunjin’s heart thrashes achingly around his ribcage. “If you keep talking like this I might end up loving you,” you smile sadly at him as if it is a terrible thing to be loved by you.

“But I don’t want to love you, because I won’t know how to, not anymore. So I'll end up leaving. And I'll long for you, and I don't think I can stomach longing for you from afar.”

“So please,” you place one hand atop his own, wipe away the lone tear rolling down his cheek. “Don’t make me love you, hm? You deserve more than to be loved by someone like me.”

You leave Hyunjin in the living room, alone before the white flowers you gifted him. He doesn’t want to put them away in a vase, for as soon as he grabbed them from your hold, everything around you both crumbled. So he leaves them there for the night, the creamy white petals aglow underneath the moonlight. He spends the night painting the bouquet from memory, but the petals end up too tinged with red, perhaps mirroring the blood his heart refuses to stop spilling still.

He did not realize it before, maybe he blinded himself so he wouldn’t see what was before him all along. But it is all the clearer to him now— that in his attempts to make you love winter again, Hyunjin only ended up loving you.

A week later.

hyune [1:25 a.m.]: i miss you

You and Hyunjin spent the last seven days avoiding one another, well you more than him. He just understood your silent plea when you took a step back the one time he tried to talk to you in the kitchen, swallowing thickly before inching away, allowing you to move past him.

You did not know how to face him after what he said, partly because you were embarrassed by your own response, mostly because even in your drunken daze, his words etched themselves permanently into your memory.

It is his reassuring words that echoed in your brain for the past week, not those of your ex.

hyune [1: 26 a.m.]: and i miss sleeping on the couch

You giggle, shaking your head before replying.

yn [1:26 a.m.]: no you don’t

hyune [1:26 a.m.]: no i don’t ㅠㅠ

but i finished the song

wanna hear?

Walking to Hyunjin’s room feels as familiar as going into your own. And when your gaze finally meets his you can’t help but break into a relieved smile. It was foolish of you to punish yourself, enough people have done that for you already.

“Hey,” he greets tentatively, and you respond with an awkward wave, a moment pregnant with anticipation passes before both of you dissolve into laughter.

“What is this? Are we in middle school,” he teases and you giggle, settling comfortably on his bed once more.

“I know. We are so lame.”

“You are,” he corrects with a grin and you gasp, pretending to leave but he quickly catches your hand, stopping you. “No, please stay. I meant it when I said that I missed you,” he repeats quietly, as if afraid that his confession would make you run away once again.

Your heart aches, the knots in your stomach tightening and unraveling all at once. “I missed you too,” you admit softly, and he smiles, his thumb tracing a gentle path above your pulse before releasing your hand.

“So it's done then?” you ask and he nods, running a hand through his hair with a hint of anxiety. “How do you feel about it?”

“Good. I hope you’ll like it, mostly.”

“I'm sure I will,” you reassure him with a soft smile, and he nods once more, pressing a few buttons before his melodious whistles fill the air once again.

Nothing could have braced you for the sound of Hyunjin's voice that followed, its timbre soft as silk yet imbued with profound sorrow. It's as though he recorded the song on one of his loneliest nights, his honeyed vocals dipped in an excruciating nostalgia that seeps into every corner of the room, every corner of your heart.

In the faded photo, I come across a smile spread across a youthful face, overlapped with the seasons.

Your gaze flickers to Hyunjin as a shadow of recollection dawns on you. You remember telling him that you couldn’t stomach looking at pics of your past, ones in which you smiled so freely because you were blissfully unaware of what was to come.

The night’s so cold that it’s almost unreal.

Because you weren’t aware of the winter that will follow and the biting cold that it would bear, for everything that will go astray in your relationship, for your ex's facade to crack like a glacier succumbing to the pressure of lies and pretense.

I wake up in another silence, and I close my eyes.

You remember Hyunjin confessing that silence haunted him more than words ever could, and you had agreed, sharing how sometimes you shut your eyes, pretending that the reality you woke up to wasn't the one you were living.

The white flower we planted together has bloomed. I do not dare pick it. Now it withers away.

You gaze at the white flowers you brought him, now wilted in the vase placed on his desk, yet Hyunjin refuses to throw them still. You see the card you wrote for him hung on the wall, right next to the dried red rose. He kept it. Though it withered, he kept it all.

So I long for you. And I long for you. And I'll long for you.

You remember the longing you both spoke of, how he understood a feeling you felt so incredibly alone in. How he tried to reassure you when he too was caught in the webs of the past. How you longed for him in the past week. How you wished he longed for you just the same.

So I can keep loving you. So I could be loving you. And morе.

The violin swells and so does the emotion in your chest. You remember him asking you ‘What’s not to love in you’ and how you've spun those words in your thoughts ever since. You remember thinking that if he gave you a few more weeks, just a bit more time, you might have found it in you to believe them.

You see Hyunjin’s glimmering eyes holding yours, you see his heart atop a platter handed to you, and you see the resignation in his being. Don’t make me love you, you told him. You didn’t dare to tell him not to love you in return, deemed it too foolish of thought to entertain.

For he was Hwang Hyunjin, the quiet producer who paints in his free time and who wears his heart on his sleeve. Who remains hopeful, loving, and tender, despite the thorns pricking at his side. Who is beautiful, so much so that he allowed you to see beauty in the universe once again, through his eyes.

How could he love you?

How could you not love him?

“The song,” you whisper, the words barely escaping your lips as you stand, trembling, on your feet. Hyunjin rises too, meeting you in the center of his room.

“It is about you. For you,” he says simply as if his words don’t cause your world to burst at the seams only to mend itself once again, too eager to fix itself and exist in the same timeline as Hyunjin.

“I don't… I don’t know what to say,” you say earnestly, feeling your heart pound in your chest, its beats resounding loudly in your ears.

It is wrong of you to assume he wishes you to say something. He is Hyunjin, the one who finds words in your silences too, after all.

“I don’t need you to say anything,” he shakes his head, taking another step closer to you. “I don't want an answer, I don't wish to pressure you. I just wanted to tell you that my love is here, it is yours to take or to leave, to cherish or to discard. But it is yours, because this is who I am. I am someone who loves you.”

“So do not tell me to forget you because I don't know how to. And don’t tell me that you’ll leave because I will love you still, because you’d still be you, near or far, you are you. And you are someone I long for.” He pauses, his voice softening. “And I long for you, Yn, more than anything I've ever longed for. And I've spent all my life longing.”

His lips meet your forehead tenderly, and you feel your entire being grow limp at the chaste kiss, as if your limbs wish to liquefy and form a puddle on the floor. His touch is soft, and you miss it the moment he parts from you.

“There must be something in this room that keeps on making you cry,” he smiles and you bring your hands to your damp cheeks, surprised to find there tears you didn’t realize had fallen.

“It’s you,” you pinch his arm playfully and he squirms away from your hold, stabbing his toe on the desk in the process. A loud fuck echoes around the room, and your laughter dissipates the tension clinging into the air.

“Can you play it again?” you request softly and Hyunjin’s theatrics fade as a shy smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

“Is it good?”

“It's everything to me.”

“It's called ‘long for you’, by the way.”

“Long for you,” you repeat quietly. There has never been a prettier combination of words.

The title all but makes sense as you lay on the bed, your gaze fixed on the paintings hung on the wall, Hyunjin sketching quietly on his desk, the song resonating softly in the background. You've longed for many things in your life—the person you once were and the tender love you once craved—but amidst it all, nothing has weighed heavier on your heart than the longing for the man sitting just two meters away, almost in your loving grasp. Almost.

❁ ❁ ❁

It is an excruciating five days that Hyunjin spends apart from you, the both of you too caught up in your assignments to find a moment to properly speak. But you do not shy away from him when he greets you, and your grin is kind as it drapes across his being, and Hyunjin swears he has never seen a prettier sight than you smiling.

On the sixth night, Hyunjin completes the cover for the song— a figure wrapped around itself protectively, mirroring the way you hug yourself in your sleep. He hangs it on the wall, right next to your thank you card and the white bouquet he drew once again, wishing to properly immortalize its beautiful flowers, to purify that memory from the tumult that followed it.

On the sixth night, the house is quiet, the full moon high up in the sky, snowflakes falling softly to the ground. Hyunjin wonders if you too mimicked the snow’s descent— both of you falling apart with it.

But then, there’s a knock on his door.

His heart catches in his throat, his body freezing as if it forgot how to move. You are here.

“Come in,” he manages to say, his voice barely above a whisper. You push the door open, and Hyunjin's words wilt on his tongue as he sees what you're carrying—another bouquet, filled with white flowers, yet again.

“Hey,” you smile, standing by the door.

He remains silent, unsure of what to say, or how to speak. He longs for you when you are away, even more so when you’re before him.

“We shouldn't let these white flowers wither away too, right?” you smile slightly, placing the bouquet on the desk before walking to Hyunjin’s bedside. His voice falters, vocal cords refusing to move and overshadow your voice.

You sit beside him, gently pulling his hand so that you’d both lie on the pillows. Your hand doesn’t leave his own, instead, it moves to rest on his cheek, reminiscent of the many times he had cradled your face before. Inch by inch, you close the gap between you, nuzzle the tip of your nose against his own. “Hi, Hyune”, you say softly, and he swallows thickly, his voice coming out just as quietly.

“Hi, my Yn.”

“If we take care of the white flowers together do you think they’ll survive a bit longer?” you ask, your gaze never wavering from his, countless stars twinkling in the depths of your irises.

“I believe so,” he says tentatively, too aware of the warmth of your palm against his skin, of the sweet ache unfurling within his being.

“Mm, and even if they wilt we can always buy new ones. We can learn how to care for them better, with time,” you say, and he nods in agreement, laying his hand atop your own, tilting his head to bestow a chaste kiss on your palm.

“With time,” he echoes softly and you smile, vulnerable yet secure in his gray sheets, in his hold.

“Will you give me time too?” you ask, and Hyunjin reads in your eyes what you mean, understands in the shake of your voice the question you are too afraid to voice. Will he give you time to heal in order to love?

“As long as you need. I’m not going anywhere,” he reassures, pressing his forehead gently atop yours, and you both close your eyes, as a running warmth encloses you both, blooms a blush on both your cheeks.

His arms wrap around your back, drawing you close until your chests are pressed together, your head resting naturally in the curve of his neck. And it is long forgotten in your mind, all the nights you slept in this very bed alone. You feel safe, safe enough to long for love knowing that it patiently awaits you behind the door, once you find enough courage to turn the doorknob. You feel serene, as Hyunjin’s warm palms glide soothingly up and down your spine, as every muscle, every nerve, every atom in your being relaxes in his hold.

You are healing, slowly, with each fleeting second that passes in which Hyunjin’s heartbeat resounds within your chest, as its melody runs through your veins, melds with your own as if it was destined to be there all along. As you rest in Hyunjin, as you find a safe home within his soul to discard your worries at the doorstep and breathe.

“It did get better,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade. “Hm?” He leans back to look at you, and he’s so beautiful, so tender as he gazes at you, you can’t help but trace the contours of his face with your fingers, hoping to commemorate him with your eyes, with your touch.

“You promised me it’ll get better, and it did,” you smile, as your legs further intertwine with his, and his rose perfume becomes an indelible mark on your skin. “Too bad I can't hit your pretty face now,” you joke and he giggles, tipping his head back.

He's so beautiful, body and soul, and he longs for you, you alone.

“But I can still do this,” you murmur before finally pressing your lips against his like a boat finally reaching the shore after months of sailing. You both exhale, in yearning, in relief, as your mouths move together in a slow, languid dance, his hand finding the pulse on your neck, yours settling atop his jaw.

He would kiss you again, this intimately, in the coming months, when your heart expands enough to contain the love Hyunjin deserves. He would kiss you again, when your past comes to haunt you, and healing sounds like an elusive myth you’d never encounter in your life.

And he would kiss you again, over the kitchen table and under the fridge’s light, in between paintings and in supermarket aisles, while picking flowers and watching the first snow.

He would kiss you, this tenderly, in the next winter, and the ones after it, as if his longing for you never wanes. Till blow three disappears from your memory, till all you remember is the love, the true one, the kind one, the soft one Hyunjin alone could have brought you.

[luvtak]

wanting, hhj x reader

✧ genre/tw extreme lying in the grass with hyune on his birthday, major yearning alert, really dangerous fluff i am so sorry, i love yous and maybe a few pet names, unedited<3

✧ w/c 784

✧ this is very quick and mainly just a word dump, but i hope you like it! some sweet for the sweetest boys birthday... how lovely the first bit of spring comes with him

Sitting close this close to him you can smell the sunscreen mixing with his sweet cologne– the scent of warm weather days; springs and summers spent laying together just like this… glowing underneath the sun like two sleepy cats.  It’s funny to think that you’ve laid this way a hundred times in a hundred different ways, yet the novelty never wears. His long fingers swiping their way down your arm, reaching around your wrist and holding tightly. This close he can feel your heartbeat all around him, your chest pressed right into his and the rapid thump coming from his hold around your bracelet. Even after all this time, you still get so nervous being with him, the familiarity of his love swirling in your chest and your stomach–creating shaky hands and warm cheeks. 

Hyunjin’s eyes are peering down at you, striking you down with the strength of it. He’s so happy, springtime brightening his complexion with the shiniest smile you’ve ever seen, happiness leaping off of him. The warm blush settling along his cheekbones, the same color of the blossoms above you, creates a brilliant desire to heat up in you. Not a physical desire, not the disastrous need of nights past, but a fire of want… days spent waking up together and kissing goodnight, pictures and paintings, shared nightstand novels.

It’s ridiculous, you have him already– your hearts are tied together with twine; shared myocardium morphing into one beautiful beating thing– yet you don’t think you could ever stop yourself from wanting more. That wishing ache for him to be with you, too see him like a mirror to your own soul. 

He told you once that being with you was like a shower of cold mist on a hot day. You remember laughing, giggling at the unexpected confession for an early morning, but you see now. This unexpected pain for loving and needing and wanting someone so much, the biting incredulity of seeing someone. 

This close, both can see the evidence of the human condition wearing on each others faces, but Hyunjin has never been fonder of sun scars or smile lines–he loves you and he tells you with the blossomed trees as his witnesses. 

“I love you too, Hyune.” you say, quietly though you’re alone, and his grin is a lesson in heartbreak; so lovely, like a supernova. 

He never thought he could love springtime so much, had always been accustomed to fall and the icy cold weather of winter, but lying here with you he thinks spring might be his favorite. Seeing you and the flowers alight into living breathing blooms takes his breath away, makes him reach for his pencils and his paints. In the week alone he’s amassed several pictures of you, all beautiful, but none right. It’s the only reason he resents his love for you, so big and blinding, that no matter how exact the portrait is, it’s still missing that fundamental gleam you hold. 

“When we get home, can I paint you again?” The question while posed so sweetly makes you groan, if it wasn’t his birthday there’d be no way you’d sit for him another time. And yet, you can’t deny how special he is–the only thing he wanted today was to spend it with you, cake and presents optional. 

It’s this magic that makes you agree, and you can’t deny the excitement of seeing him work. Ever focused and hard working, Hyunjin’s world stopping even while in messy clothes and tied up hair. Seeing him paint made you fall in love with him; the sight of his color covered hands and his clear gaze over his canvas, looking over at you to smile… god you were doomed for him then. 

His stare turns to the clouds now, smile still lilting as he speaks, “i’m painting you right now actually,” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Sometimes in my head I look at you, and I feel the need for a pencil or a brush. I see what colors I would use, how I would blend them together to get the exact shade for your eyes… I’m doing it now.” 

It’s such a Hyunjin thing to say, yet the truth of it shocks you–what a beautiful boy he is, a rare and lovely find. Grinning like he knows he’s wooing you, staring up at the maya blue sky and painting a picture in his head. 

“I really do love you, Hyune.” you tell him, and the strength of it turns his head. Lighting his eyes with a fondness made for spring, rising slightly to settle his lips over your forehead before replying earnestly with every bit of truth in his heart, 

“I love you too.”

© LUVTAK

[hyunllx]

A look back at Hyunjin's 23rd Year

Happy birthday Hyune! <3 Here's to another year of growth and happiness

[catiuskaa]

i don’t like my mind.

part of the “now playing: mitski!” series

SUMMARY: there was nothing you could’ve said to him to keep hyunjin away from his thoughts. Not on the night of March 20, 2021.

WC: 0.675k

CW: mentions of vomiting, it’s really short but angsty, hyunjin’s hiatus in 2021 is the main plot. (as an oddinary era stay, i can’t grasp how it must’ve felt, so i’m sorry for bringing old memories back. </3)

A/N: ok, shit. as an empath, this was hard to write. talk about a challenge… uf. I’m sorry. please go check out my other works, i am not this depressing in default i swear 😭🫶

[◼️☆🎂☆◼️]

Hyunjin shivered, as he stared blankly at his phone.

The date glowed back, as if mocking him.

“19:54, March 20, 2021.”

It should’ve been a fairly normal late evening for him. But it couldn’t.

Normal had never been a word that he’d use often, but considering his usual routine, no one would’ve called that ‘normal.’

Except that it wasn’t going to be his routine anymore. He sighed.

His room felt colder than usual. He felt colder than usual.

Hyunjin nuzzled the blanket over his nose, and cocooned himself further under it.

He stared at the window, the curtains swaying from the wind that came from outside, but he didn’t mind it. He knew that he was cold because the window was open, but deep inside, he knew that closing it wouldn’t fix his coldness. Or how he felt and empty feeling inside of him, as if it was stuck to his heart.

The blanket wasn’t helping. He kicked it off with a grunt.

Then, his phone chimed. It had been chiming the past five minutes. Maybe ten.

< princess: hyunjin, please

His heart swelled in his chest.

< princess: talk to me, jinnie

< princess: I need to know you’re fine.

He only managed to chuckle dryly, a laugh full of acid, almost poisonus, and that sick feeling scattered all through his body.

...fine?

How could he be fine, knowing that most likely, his life was never going to be the same? How could he be fine, thinking that it could be possible that he really had wasted all of those years for nothing?

He closed his eyes.

Several people had texted him ‘happy birthday,’ but none of them new what it was going to be like.

Painful.

It was like daggers that threatened to puncture his heart and leave him bleeding on the floor, the only culprit being himself and whoever thought it was a good idea to leave him alone in his room, with his thoughts as his only company.

He frowned, and dizzily stood up from his bed, his body hurting from all the stress he had been putting himself to. In his mind, he had to be doing something. He wanted to do something. He didn’t want to keep waiting for the fuss to leave him. He wanted to keep dancing. To keep singing.

He needed to keep living.

The sight of his desk table gave him nausea. He grimmaced at it, his eyes swelling up with tears again.

Cake.

The one Jeongin and Felix had bringed hours ago. The one that they reluctantly admitted that they weren’t supposed to eat because of their restricted diets. The one that they had to leave there just the two of them because the rest of the members had so many things to do that they couldn’t manage to pass by.

The one he hadn’t dared to touch, afraid that it wouldn’t go pass the lump on his throat.

It stared at him. The whole cake. It made a nasty shiver trail up his spine, a sudden need to throw up that made him even more sick.

A stray tear fell down his cheek.

He took the cake with a sudden softness that almost surprised him.

His phone kept buzzing, forgotten, on his bed.

< princess: i’m sure the company will let you come back with them soon

< princess: hyunjin, please

< princess: call me when you see this

< princess: please, hyun, don’t do anything stupid.

< princess: I love you.

But not even your kind words could go through Hyunjin’s mind.

He approached the window and looked down from the fifth floor, finding a trash container next to the building in front.

With a groan, he stared at the cake, at the message over it.

“Happy birthday!”

He sniffed, quickly cleaning his tears up with one hand, as both of them trembled, the other still holding the cake.

And he threw it to the container, watching it crash against its lid despite the plastic cover.

He didn’t want to have a happy birthday.

He wanted his life back.

[◼️☆🎂☆◼️]

~Kats, who is so sorry for this, and who admires all of the stays who had to go through hyun’s hiatus.

[luckykittens198]

When Your Dad is a Pillar of the Universe 3

Little Kim Rok Soo always know his father was weird. His mother is fine, if a little ditzy. But his father is just weird.

One, his father always have 2 things with him, a crystal pendulum bracelet and an old antique western coin.

Two, his father's eye color changed. Most of the time they were light brown, sometimes they are black, but at certain times they are so dark it felt like lights can't escape from it.

Of course, Little Rok Soo already asked his mother about his father. "Your father's eyes? They used to be dark brown, but after the accident they turned a bit lighter. The Doctors said there could be some damage to his eyes, but everything seems fine so we didn't bother." Little Rok Soo didn't really understand what his mother said but nodded anyway.

Also, his father always speak about weird things. Like the first time Kim Rok Soo went to childcare since his parents have urgent works. "Rok Soo, whatever happens, just call the teacher alright?" he said. Little Rok Soo noted that his father's eyes were a bit darker than usual.

Little Kim Rok Soo noted his father's hands were always trembling. But when his eyes turned dark, the tremble would stop. "Hm? Why not keep my eyes dark you ask? What do you mean by that?" His father ask back.

After Kim Rok Soo explained his reason, his father chuckled. "You are quite the observant child aren't you? Honestly, I don't really like having my eyes going dark as you say."

Kim Rok Soo asked why. "Hm, when my eyes goes dark like that, I can see.... fate, I suppose is the closest one. Let's not tell your mother about this hmm? This is a secret between us men."

Kim Rok Soo didn't understand what fate is. But this is a secret between his father and him! How exciting!

So his father was weird. And that's fine. Kim Rok soo loves him anyway.

Until one day, when Mom was busy packing for their vacation celebrating Kim Rok Soo's 6th birthday, Dad, Father came to Kim Rok Soo's room. His eyes seems to absorb all lights in the room.

"Dad?"

"You've grown well little one. Do you know the meaning of your name?"

"What do you mean?"

"Little Rok Soo. You were born in the time between the end of Fall and the start of Winter. That's why your name is Rok Soo. Green Rok and exceptional, growing Soo.

This is your mother's prayer, and my blessing for you. For you to always grow green even in winter and bloom exceptionally."

Kim Rok Soo is still confused. He didn't understand why his father is acting weirder than usual.

His father chuckled again, "Little one, there will be hardship ahead. As long as you survived through it, you'll certainly find happiness."

"But you will be there, right?"

"Who knows. Who knows what fate will bring," Kim Hyun Woo crouched closer to Kim Rok Soo. He brought Kim Rok Soo's forehead closer to his.

"But know this Kim Rok Soo, you are my son. I won't abandon you without reason."

There was a few seconds of silence between the two. "Dad, you are scaring me," Kim Rok Soo whispered.

Immediately, light returns to Kim Hyun Woo's eyes. He smiled a strange smile, a funny smile, a ridiculous smile. "Sorry, I guess the topic is too heavy. Are you done picking your toys?"

Kim Rok Soo nodded and soon forget this weird conversation. He brought his chosen plush toys to his father.

"I'll bring Mr. Blue Octopus, Mr. Red Socks, and Ms. Dragon!"

"Hahaha! Alright. Let's ask your mother if they can join us!" And so they went.

Later, many years later. a few months before the apocalypse, a man wearing old victorian era suit appear before Kim Rok Soo. He had that weird smile his father gave him before the accident. His eyes too, absorbed all light that enters it.

"We meet again little one. You've grown well."

Prev Next

[softiejoon]

18:08 | hhj

pairing ; hyunjin x reader

genre ; fluff, comfort, humour

tags ; established relationship!au, domestic!au

warnings ; implied food poisoning

summary ; hyunjin decides it’s a good idea to eat his birthday cake raw

word count ; 315

a/n ; thank you for the request anon! hope it's alright <3 consider this my very belated gift for hyunjin's birthday

just a reminder that requests are open! you can read the guidelines here :)

.・゜-: ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　✧　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙ :-゜・．

"i told you to stop licking the cake batter." you look at him pointedly.

hyunjin meets your gaze, protesting weakly, "but it tasted so good!"

"it had raw flour and eggs in it, hyun."

your boyfriend groans slightly from his position on the bed, curled up from having emptied the contents of his stomach just an hour before.

you sigh, moving to take a seat next to him. "what am i gonna do with you, hm?"

you let your fingers brush back the hair from his forehead, slightly damp from the shower.

"you could cuddle me," he says, voice quiet. "that would make me feel better."

it is his birthday after all; despite the less than ideal turn of events. who are you to deny him that?

"okay," you say, pressing a kiss to his forehead. you watch a soft smile appear on his lips, one mirrored on your own, as you climb under the covers to wrap your arms around him.

it's funny, really, because today should've been the perfect day.

you and hyunjin were meant to bake and decorate his cake before heading out for a nice picnic. after that, you'd take him to the art exhibition he'd been wanting to visit for ages. finally, you'd celebrate over dinner with the boys, and end the day with cuddles in bed.

evidently, you didn't make it far past the first stage, but you supposed cuddling in bed was part of the plan anyway.

"i'm sorry your birthday didn't turn out quite how you wanted, darling." you nose the skin on the back of his neck before placing a kiss there.

"'s okay," he whispers, "just glad i got to spend it with you."

you can't help but shake your head with a smile, hopelessly endeared. "next time, let's eat the cake after we bake it, okay?"

you hear him chuckle back, "okay."

"i love you, silly. happy birthday."

~

© softiejoon | let me know what you think | support me here

[itzsana-kiddingmenow]

𝙟𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙖 — 𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙚𝙚:

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨: 1k

𝙖/𝙣: @qodwhdiy happy birthday!!! <3 AHHHH THE FINALE! hi future sana lol

𝙩/𝙬: raspberries, rough tickles

𝒍𝒆𝒆: minho, changbin

𝙡𝙚𝙧: skz

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕: @someone-who-loves-kpop-saranghae @jeonginsdiary @leeknowstan33 @v--143 @wereallgonnadieonedaybutnottoday @inkytornpagess @lajanaa @a-wild-seungberry @channieissocute125 @soap143 @seungsluvv @skznccmlee @moony-9

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞? 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐮𝐛s🖤

Although the tower was rocking on a single tile dangerously, the boys reckoned they could all at least get a single tile out before everything collapsed. 

It all continued normally, but Chan was getting suspicious at the amount of tiles showing up that weren’t writing. 

Until Changbin pulled one. 

“Oh, great.” He hissed, turning it over and reading what was written. 

‘Ribs for 4 minutes’

“NO!! Not the ribs, please!” Changbin begged, eyes widening in fear as Hyunjin grinned evilly, shoving him down and trying to pull the rapper’s arms above his head. 

Chan and Felix each handled an arm, and Chan managed to pin it with ease, however Felix struggled quite a bit until Minho assisted him. 

Changbin found himself completely trapped, and he panicked, trying to twist away or find an escape. 

Hands grabbed at his ankles, and he kicked out wildly. 

Hyunjin slowly pulled the rapper’s shirt above his head, which only made things worse for him as the cloth covered his eyes and rendered his ability to see. 

“H-Hey, I can’t see anything!” Binnie called out, trying to squint through the fabric. 

“That’s the point, hyung.” Hyunjin deadpanned, blowing cold air playfully against the warm skin and watching Changbin shiver, goosebumps forming on his skin around his ribs. 

“Aweee, look! I think you’re a little cold, yeah?” Hyunjin teased, pressing his fingers against the bumpy area and watching Changbin buck up once and crash down.

“n—OHO!!” Binnie shook as Hyunjin massaged gently into the area with his warm hands, the sensation tingly enough to send fire shooting down his nerves but not enough to even make him giggle. 

So he just trembled in place, nobody responding as Jisung called the timer to start. 

“Your hands are warm…” Changbin giggled, and Hyunjin smiled fondly down at the boy. 

“Two minutes left!” 

Hyunjin decided to pick up the pace, kneading into the rapper’s ribs and scribbling along the sides of his chest. 

“AHAHAHAHA!! IHIHIT TIHIHICKLES!!” Binnie spat out, thrashing in place and cackling crazily as he tried to shove at the fingers that dared to tickle him. 

“You’re just so cute, aren’t you?~” Hyunjin cooed, and Binnie squeaked flusteredly. 

“HYUNJIN NOHOHOHOHOHO!!” Changbin squealed, Hyune’s lips blowing torturously long raspberries mercilessly into the sensitive crevices of his ribs. 

“PLEHEHEHEASEEEE!!” Binnie squeezed his eyes shut, smile wide as he cackled crazily, unable to squirm away due to the six pairs of arms making sure he couldn’t even turn his body. 

“30 seconds!” Jisung yelled. 

“THAHAT’S TOOHOO LOHOHONG!! HYUNJIN!!” Changbin started to shriek when the younger blew a raspberry slightly higher than usual, moving towards his upper ribs. 

“C’mon hyung…you can take it.” Hyunjin teased lowly, and Changbin flushed a deep red. 

“Mhmmhmm I CANT TAKE IT!! I REHEHEALLY CAHAHAHAHAHAHANT!!” Binnie howled with laughter as a singular buzzing raspberry attacked his upper ribs. 

The timer rang in the background, Hyunjin letting up and rubbing at the area gently with his warm fingers, making Changbin giggle and blush. 

Everyone cooed and snuggled with the rapper before remembering the game. 

Minho randomly pulled a tile, not expecting any writing on it.   

Then it happened.

The tower tipped over and fell, all the blocks scattering everywhere, highlighting Lino’s shocked expression. 

Everyone’s head turned slowly towards him. 

“G-Guys. I lost, okay?! I’m sorry for knowing it over. No need for any pun—ISHMENT!” Minho screamed when multiple arms grasped at his body and yanked him towards the floor. 

“Oh, there is definitely a need for punishment.” Jisung replied snarkily, cracking his knuckles and settling on the older’s waist. 

“So…what’s your worst spot?” Jeongin asked timidly. 

Jisung looked down expectantly at the red-faced older, who sealed his lips and shook his head. 

”Tell us or else we’ll wreck every single spot that’s ticklish on you until and we find out. Then we’ll tickle that spot until—“

“Okay! Okay!” Minho squealed, cutting off Chan’s comment. 

“It’s my lower belly! Happy?” He scoffed, face beet-red.

Jeongin and Felix both cheered; everyone taking their places to pin him down. 

‘Seriously, why does this happen to me so much?’ Minho thought. 

He braced himself, feeling Chan pulling his clothing out of the way to expose the sensitive spot. 

Min squeezed his eyes shut as Jisung and Channie snuck their lips onto either side of his belly, and Lixie set up the timer before flashing a thumbs up. 

The raspberries were unbearable, the two boys blowing as hard and as long as they could onto the hypersensitive skin of Minho’s lower sides. 

“N-No!! MHMMMAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” Minho tried to seal his lips for a second, but failed rather miserably. Loud cackles rang throughout the room as he twisted to either side but couldn’t escape. 

Fingers were everywhere on his belly, more and more hands joining in to punish him. Minho howled with crazed laughter as he was brutally tickled without mercy or hesitation. 

“NAAAHAHAHAHAHA!! NO—PLEASEAAAHAHAHAHA!!” He screamed out, unable to form coherent sentences as his brain practically turned to mush under his members nimble fingers.

Minho tried to twist away from Jisung’s nibbles, just to move further into Chan’s lips, which blew a torturous raspberry that head him jumping away. 

“I CAHAHAHAHAN’T!!” He begged, and Hyunjin cooed. “Hyung can’t handle it!” 

“IHIHIT TIHIHICKLES SOHOHO MUHUHUCH—!!” Lino cackled, thrashing so hard that everyone was having trouble holding him down. 

“It’s only been a minute!” Felix exclaimed, pushing his fingers further into Minho’s v-line. 

“IHIHI CAHAHANT TAHAKE AHANYMORE!! CHAHANNIE PLEASE STOHOHOHOP IHIT!! PLEASEEEE!!” 

Concerned with the hoarseness of the younger’s voice as he screamed, Chan let up for a second. “Wait, I think he really needs a break! Jisung, stop for a second.” 

Minho gasped for air, slumping underneath them, exhausted. When Jisung’s fingers ducked near to his belly, Minho gripped his fingers. “Ihi reheally cahan’t tahake anymore!” 

Jisung sighed and began to just rub at Min’s belly to calm him down. 

Minho practically leaned into the touch, a small smile on his tear stained face. 

“He really loves his belly rubs…” Hannie chuckled, and Minho’s eyes began to droop. 

“I think he’s done, and I’m a little sleepy.” Binnie yawned, and everyone curled up around the kitten to snuggle him to sleep. 

They can deal with the mess of Jenga blocks later.

[annthehuman]

OH.MY.GOD.

ZEN.HYUN.HOW.

BABY HYUN PERFORMING AT SCHOOL OHMYGOD. LOOK AT HOW HAPPY HE IS. HOW COULD ANYONE TELL ANYTHING AGAINST THAT SMILE. THEY COULDNT PROTECT HIS SMILE.OH GOD. SO PRECIOUS. BABY BOOYYYY:(((( IM GOING TO PUNCH MY FACE IF I KEEP STARING AT THIS CG ONE MORE SECOND YOU SEE I DONT EVEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO LOOK AT HIM IM SCARED I MIGHT HURT HIM happy birthday hyun.my love. i love you i will always love you. im so glad that we are still together inside my mind this year too. as it should. thank you for being such a sweetheart to me. thank you for protecting and encouraging me, i want to give you the world. i will choose you again and again my precious. happy birthday hyun<3🩷

[kinkandkreep]

(ɴᴇᴡ) 𝕄𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥

Ari's Stuff

In Search of New Beta Reader

Heads Up

𝐌𝐇𝐀

Oc Related Things

Meet Chike!

Yandere Content

Yanzuku Profile and Headcanons

Yankugou Profile and Headcanons

Non-Yan Content

Zuki Buki Headcanons

Bakagou Headcanons

𝗔𝗢𝗧

Headcanons

Basic Eren Yeager/In Your Erea Headcanons

Pregnancy and Eren Yeager

Pregnancy and Levi Ackerman

Pregnancy and Armin Arlert

AOT Character's Personalities

AOT Characters and High Metabolism S/O

Aesthetics/Collages

AOT Guys and Their Weddings

𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠

Headcanons

Yandere!Alucard

Dating Alucard

𝕆𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕄𝕦𝕝𝕥𝕚-ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝔽𝕚𝕔𝕤

Enemies of Everywhere

Enemies of Everywhere

Enemies of Everywhere~ Key Visual/Collage

𝕄𝕦𝕝𝕥𝕚-ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 ��𝕋𝕊 𝔽𝕚𝕔𝕤

Bless Me

Coming Soon: Bless Me

Bless Me: Excerpt

Bless Me: Prologue

Bless Me Chapters

The Kim Clan: Bless Me

Bless Me: Taehyung

Bless Me Visual (Hobi and Tae Tae)

Bless Me Visual (Older Brothers)

Bless Me Visual (Younger Brothers)

You All Belong to Me

You All Belong to Me

YABTM~ Introducing Hyun-Ki

YABTM~ Introducing Eun-Ji

YABTM~ Introducing Bong-Cha

The Scars We Share

The Scars We Share~ Summary

The Scars We Share~ Snippet

The Scars We Share~ Aesthetics

Rundown

Rundown~ Summary

Rundown~ Diagnostic

Rundown~ Prologue

𝐁𝐓𝐒

Yandere Headcanons

Yandere Taehyung when you refuse him sex

Yandere Hoseok Breastfeeding Kink

What Type of Yandere: Kim Namjoon

What Type of Yandere: Kim Seokjin

Plus Size Body Type Preference; Most to Least

T or A: BTS Edition

Yandere!Jin As a Parent

Scenarios

Desire Has Philophobia

Soft!Yandere Reaction to Desire Being a Former Burlesque Dancer

Random Drabbles/Blurbs/Oneshots/Ideas

Bionic Bunny (Yandere!Bionic!Jungkook Idea)

Rounds (Yandere Hoseok oneshot)

For Everybody (Songfic; Yandere!Reader oneshot)

Happy (Re)Birthday (Yandere Jimin oneshot)

Teacher’s Pet (Songfic; Yandere!Jimin oneshot)

The Queen and Her Captors (Yandere!BTS x Original Character oneshot) (This may eventually become a series)

Tummy Time! (Father!Hoseok oneshot)

Aesthetics/Collages

Soft!Yandere Jimin Collage

Hard!Yandere Jimin Collage

Non-Yan Headcanons

BTS with a Black!S/O

BTS “Sex”-canons- Rap Line

BTS “Sex”-canons- Vocal Line (minus Jin)

BTS “Sex”-canons- Kim Seokjin

BTS as gods

BTS Nicknames

Fun Facts

Taehyung, Jimin and Hobi Fun Fact

𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐨'𝐬 𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥

Heacanons

KnB Boy Archetypes

Aged Up!KnB Boys Sex-canons

𝗚𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻 𝗜𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗰𝘁

Headcanons

Good Boi 'Bedo Headcanons

Albedo Drabble

Zhongli Birthday Celebration

Genshin Guys as K-pop Songs

𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐅𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐲

Sephy-kins

Kadaj Headcanons

Yazoo Headcanons

Loz Headcanons

ᴏɴᴇꜱʜᴏᴛꜱ/ᴅʀᴀʙʙʟᴇꜱ/ʙʟᴜʀʙꜱ/ʀᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ ᴛɪɴɢꜱ 🤪

To The Last Sip- Halloween Special

𝖠𝗌𝗌𝖺𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇'𝗌 𝖢𝗋𝖾𝖾𝖽 3

Connor Kenway Mini-Masterlist

​🇸​​🇵​​🇮​​🇩​​🇪​​🇷​​🇻​​🇪​​🇷​​🇸​​🇪​

Miguel O'Hara

𝕋𝕠𝕜𝕪𝕠 ℝ𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕣𝕤

Tokyo Revengers Mini Masterlist

[cafesweetvn]

BEFORE YOU CONTINUE

Café Sweet contains sensitive topics such as, stalking, kidnapping, murdering, heavy manipulation, scary imagery(Blood, eyes, body horror), cannibalism and swearing. DO NOT continue if these topics may trigger you.

Café Sweet is a visual novel where you work at a lovely café with your two coworkers that you've gotten extremely close to over these past few months. However, it seems you're cozy town has lost it's safety as there have been multiple disappearances, with only a few bodies being discovered dead.

FAQ

If I make "Café Sweet" content, can I tag you in it?- Yup! I would LOVE to be tagged in any fan content! It makes me so happy and overjoyed to see people making stuff for Café Sweet. I'm happy that others are interested in my stories and characters.

Are we allowed to send asks interacting with the Li's? - Yeah! I think it would also help me write the characters better for when I write their routes.

CHARACTERS

Artemis: Your extremely strict manager. Despite how he comes across he does care about you(as well as Sanka and Hyun-ae), truth be told he wants to protect you, from what, who knows(I do)? Will you take the time to get to know him?

Sanka: Your coworker! He's extremely extraverted and friendly to you and Hyun-ae, you three forming your own little trio. Sanka likes to look out for you and Hyun-ae, wanting to make sure you two get home safe, putting up a strong front. He loves being reliable <3

Hyun-ae: Your coworker! She's a lot more chill then Sanka. She would rather just follow whatever kind of mischief you and Sanka come up with and decide to do then decide to make any plans herself. She ADORES gossip and knowing everything ever. Despite her grunge appearance, she's a bit of a nerd!

Davi: A customer turned into a regular. Hyun-ae is convinced that Davi might have something to do with the disappearances, and even more so that he's been stalking you. Is he really creepy like Hyun-ae thinks he is?

Valeria: One of your childhood friends who moved away years ago. Thankfully, you two have always kept in touch with each other. It seems she's grown up to be an influencer. You wish to see her again in person, who knows, maybe she'll visit you soon~

Imani: Another one of your childhood friends! Thankfully, Imani never moved away and you two are still in contact. She's very shy and you're one of her only friends. She wishes to tell you how grateful she is to have you in her life still.

Fritz: Your final childhood friend! Works at a vet and adores animals, He's always so gentle and sweet towards animals and humans alike. They're so happy that you've stuck by their side after all these years and with the recent murders, they've been so worried about you and your mutual friends.

Archie: Your boss! You've never met him before, and it seems that neither Sanka nor Hyun-ae have either. Archie mainly leaves everything to Artemis while he goes out and does his own business. However, do NOT ask Artemis ANY question about Archie.

TAGS

#☕️-Cafe Sweet

#💌-fan content

#🔞-minors dni

#🎤-Asks

#👓-Artemis

#☀️-Sanka

#📱-Hyun-ae

#🛠️-Davi

#🪞-Valeria

#🍓-Imani

#🐈-Fritz

#💰-Archie

#🔪-Killer

DNI/RULES

Proshippers, bigots, generally creepy and shitty people don't interact with me or any of my games

Ageless in bio(either put your age/birthday in your bio, or you can send me a message telling me your age, if none of those I’ll block you)

That said I'll also be blocking blank tumblrs

I won’t be writing any gross out kink or anything like that.

If you’re a minor please don’t interact with my content that is 18+, especially since the base content won’t be 18+ so you can still get content.

Due to certain topics in this game, 16+ only

Please be patient with me, thank you!

I’m happy to take criticism on anything and will take it into consideration. What I won’t listen to is any hate comments without criticism, I’ll just block you.

If you're going to send in an NSFW ask, please turn off anon, otherwise I'm not gonna respond to it or I'll make it SFW, thank you!

More might be added/changed to most sections as I develop this blog

EXTRA LINKS/INFO

This is a side account so any other interaction will come from @starswirlfoxgames

I have a Twitter that will be STRICTLY 18+: https://twitter.com/Starsw1rlF0x

Ask box is always gonna be open unless I say otherwise so feel free to spam me with asks!

I'm probably not going to continue posting asks in order, just gonna post em when I finish them. Sorry if you asked me something and it's taking a while, I may be struggling with ideas or motivation.

I won't be having a schedule anymore to avoid burnout and stress. I also won't be using the queue feature anymore since I heard that it can delete posts.

I will try to post Dev logs weekly or every other week!

Masterlist 1

Asks: 0

[subskz]

Now time for my true pièce de résistance.

Birthday sex. But it's *your birthday*. And, ofc, who better to have this thought abt other than... Hyunjin. Hi, welcome back to Peg A Pisces with your resident Pisces and Pink Yenie enthusiast: Pink! :) (also happens to be my birthday at the moment; March 11)

~~~

He's been planning this out for a while now... and here comes the big day. So he waits til you leave for a bit to get everything set up...

When you eventually get back and don't see Hyune anywhere you're like "hmm okay, odd but" and go back to your shared bedroom when you finally see him.

He's all dressed up nice n pretty for you in a cute lingerie set, maybe a ribbon tied around his waist and one up in his hair with a bow (bc he's your present), a few candles set up around the room, your box of things, and he would be the type to have petals on the floor but not on the bed (bc cute in theory but a skosh impractical in bed)

So, who are you to not unwrap such a nice birthday gift?

This can really tie in with fucking him absolutely dumb while it being so gentle and passionate (truly what one might call "love-making" and I can't decide if i find the phrase cringy or cute these days) or him being a service top for you.

He gets overwhelmed easily, especially when you let him top, so as soon as he enters you; immediately is asking to hold hands or rest your foreheads together and is immediately asking for kisses.

Makes sure you cum at least twice before he does.

And once basking in the afterglow, he asks if the two of you can stay like "this" for a moment (whether it be you cockwarming him or vice-versa) and he'll give you kisses along your face and lips before wishing you a happy birthday.

~~

Another trip around the sun for me and another lovely, "out-for-blood" Pink Pisces thought for you and the class :)

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST PINK 🥳 i hope this year is brings you lots of happiness n great memories and most importantly…an abundance of crying men <3 and what better way to celebrate than w all the elements of a classic pink ask!!

please hyunjinnie absolutely would put thought into every last detail like that he’s so cute. leave it to our sentimental pisces boy to want the prettiest, most romantic atmosphere while still thinking of your comfort! a bow wrapped around his waist…oh wow 😵‍💫 he knows just how crazy it’ll drive you to see the silky ribbons decorating his skin and hair but that doesn’t stop him from getting so fidgety and flustered when your eyes rake over his body hehe…poor baby wants to be the perfect gift for you but gets so embarrassed when the moment actually arrives

he picks shyly at his fingernails, eyes locked on the floor n mumbles that you can do whatever you want w your gift <3 he wants to be the absolute best boy for you today even if it takes all his strength to control himself once he’s inside you…slumping his body against yours w a whine and trembling from all his effort to not fall apart right then n there…and ofc begging for kisses in typical hyunie fashion that makes you giggle and tease him for being so demanding on your birthday~

as needy as he can be, nothing is more fulfilling to him than knowing he did well for you n was able to please you properly 😽 his drowsy kisses and breathless “happy birthday” as you’re tangled up in each other afterwards is definitely the best gift you could ask for ♡

[straykidxxx]

18.03.2023.

Hyunjinah's birthday live.

He's so precious <3

Happy birthday hyun🍰

[forlix]

talking ab fallen star cos that fic consumed me when i first read it and consumed me again when i reread it earlier 🤚

firstly the way he kept his promise to bring mc to the airport it really broke me. it's so melancholic like there have been broken promises before but hyunjin wouldn't dare end their relationship on another one? you can still feel the love he has for t hemin the way he tiredly made his way to drive to their house and to the airport after he came back from his own long flight it honestly makes me insane.

i love how in the car there's this like faint and twisted idea of hope lingering between them. some part of them still longs for the other and it's right there they could just grab the very thing they yearn for but it's incomplete. it's not the same. honestly when mc mutters "idiot" it really made me think like are they calling hyunjin an idiot? or themselves an idiot? and ac i feel like they meant both of them are idiots for allowing themselves to end up in this awkward but necessary situation.

there are some unresolved feelings and unanswered questions while they sit in silence on the way to the airport, but the airport scene™️ gives them both the closure they need. they're not getting back together, no matter how much one might like, but the tension in the car shows a sliver of hope that they would and i feel like it really emanates in your writing and makes me as a reader reader hope for a happier ending as well. also the shaky "fuck" describes my feelings as i read this as well thanks btw 🥲

and this is all from my own mind but i imagine reader saw a photo or maybe got an invitation to hyun's wedding and they realize he's okay and it makes them reflect on themselves and with a heavy heart they realize theyre okay too. the worst part is there's no definitive point where they felt or "became" okay, because like you said, time is the best medicine and gradually mc just healed. but knowing that hyun is okay and has moved on kind of popped a bubble of reserved feelings and its not necessarily sad its just kind of disheartening or numbing?

idk how i started yapping sm lol i read wayyyy into this HAHAHA. i chose to analyze this instead of study for my finals ☝️🤓 but in conclusion, xian i love falling star and its yet another product of ur mindblowing sexy brain i love you so much bby and i js wanna say im so proud of you <3

when i tell u i saw this while studying (also for my finals) and it had my jaw on the floor my head in the clouds i couldn't focus for the LIFE of me afterwards. WDYM YOU WROTE ME AN ESSAY OF UR THOUGHTS ON MY WRITING? IS IT MY BIRTHDAY?? i love you so fucking much omg. thank u for sending this in my lovely star :') putting my VERY ramble-y response under the cut

"there have been broken promises before but hyunjin wouldn't dare end their relationship on another one" is soooo poignantly put and so so so correct. honestly him remembering the day and time of the flight was supposed to be a show of pettiness at first, like "you called me unreliable so here i am bitch" lmfaooo but let's be real you're right on the money with his real intentions. he was literally counting down the days until he had an excuse to see mc again.. he was also worried about the flight being so early and wanted to ensure their safety... AGGHHH not me hurting myself thinking ab this couple 😭

"when mc mutters "idiot" it really made me think like are they calling hyunjin an idiot? or themselves an idiot?" I LOVEEEE LOVE LOVE THIS? god u are a genius i adore you. i totally see this being the case. if i may add, maybe mc thinks they're an idiot because they reciprocate hyunjin's yearning even after everything that's transpired. like inward frustration that there are still feelings there? yeah. ur a genius.

about the slivers of hope after the car scene, i apologize for the lack of a happy ending love </3 the fic was definitely challenging (and saddening) but also refreshing to write. i really wanted to explore a couple that is well and truly doomed bc some of the relationships in our lives are doomed, yaknow? and you can recognize that and still have a lot of love for the person at the same time bc human beings are fucking complicated like that. but please consider this my official justification for posting something so depressing

"and this is all from my own mind but i imagine reader saw a photo or maybe got an invitation to hyun's wedding and they realize he's okay and it makes them reflect on themselves and with a heavy heart they realize theyre okay too." FUCKKKK NOT THE WEDDING PICTURE. this just made me frown irl. if i may add.....again..... what if they physically run into each other and that's how mc knows? at the start of the convo mc kinda feels the familiar stirrings again but it's more out of habit than anything. they talk for a bit and it's really pleasant and mc notices he has a ring on his finger and they realize they feel ✨ nothing ✨ about it anymore. but there's just an inkling of remorse remaining about the whole situation. like a passing thought of "maybe in a different universe we would've made things work"....haha.....fuck. BUT mc is happy hyunjin's happy, and mc is happy to have recovered, and life goes on

as for ur entire last paragraph i might actually cry, i'm so glad you love the fic and i truly do appreciate u taking the time to look into my fic this closely so so so much :'( you keep me going, I MEAN IT

[lino-jagiyaa]

silk | hwang hyunjin

day 3 the february birthday event | masterlist

genre: fluff, angst, domestic au, non idol au, suggestive

warnings: self doubt, hurt comfort(?), pet names (baby, love, etc), swearing , arguing if you squint

word count: 1.1k+

a/n: this originally was going to have smut in it but writers block was hitting me hard with this one - sorry it’s a day late as well :(

after spending the night with your boyfriend, you wake up and reach for him. but when you do, he’s not there. the only thing left of him is the addictive lingering scent of his cologne.

you check your phone, seeing a text from him.

hyune ❣️: i’m just running a few errands so don’t miss me too much! love you

he’s so cute. at least you knew were he was now and didn’t have to worry about him getting stuck at work or something. you get to spend the rest of the day with him like you had planned the night before.

knowing he’d be gone for a bit, you get up and start getting dressed and go into the living room to play with kkami while you wait.

after a while, you heard the front door being unlocked. you and kkami were excited that hyunjin was home.

“baby, can you help me with these?” hyunjin huffs as he drags in some bags

“yeah, whatcha got there?”

“oh uh, i actually wasn’t planning on getting this much.” he laughed

“but i kinda went overboard…”

“i can see that… hyune, what’s in the bags?” you question

“okay, first i went to the grocery store to pick up ingredients for dinner, snacks and some drinks. then…”

“then?”

“then i went to the mall to get some new clothes and saw some things you might like.”

“hyune”

“i know, i know. but i know you’ll like it!”

“hyunjin.”

“fine. i did spend way too much, but it was for you, love.”

he had this crooked smile on his face, still trying to convince you that spending extra on stuff was for a good reason since it was for you.

“love, i know what you’re about to say. you’re gonna tell me that i don’t need to spend money on you to show my love and that you don’t need gifts. but baby, i want to. it makes me happy. seeing how your face lights up when you receive a gift. it makes my day.”

“i hate that you know me so well. but fine, show me.” you sigh, defeated. knowing he does it because he loves you and wants you happy and you’ve got no way out of this.

"here."

hyunjin hands you two almost full shopping bags and walks to the kitchen with the single larger one he had left, which probably was the food he mentioned earlier.

you go through one of the bags to find some cute t-shirts, skirts, pants that were meant for you and few outfits for him.

going through the second bag, you notice it’s full of sleepwear.

pajamas, lingerie…

you pull out a matching set of silk pajamas. one red and the other blue.

your favorite.

along with some lacy lingerie along with some risqué night dresses.

in awe, you couldn’t help but ask…

“hey, hyune?”

“hm?,” he hums from the kitchen. still stocking the cabinets.

“you.. i didn’t know you got me these?”

“oh, the lingerie?”

“mhm”

“do you like them?”

he sounded nervous. even though he’d bought you things of the sort before, he’d never bought them in that quantity before.

you didn’t want to give him the wrong impression though. of course you liked them. you loved them. you were excited to try them on for him, but you were just feeling a bit self conscious since they were quite expensive looking and you’d never had anything like them before.

“y-yeah, i love them. really, i do. it’s just…”

you couldn’t even look him in the eye anymore. you hated when he bought you expensive things. but not because you hated gifts, especially when they came from him. but because you didn’t have much money growing up and sometimes you felt like you didn’t deserve his expensive gifts. like you weren’t worth the money being spent.

it hurt having to politely decline a gift or convince him not to buy you something when out, but you could never bring yourself to explain why.

hyunjin had just assumed you weren’t much of a gift receiving person but wanted to spoil you nonetheless.

it made your heart ache to even think about it.

“what’s wrong, love? did i get the wrong sizes?”

“no, no that’s not it. it’s nothing. thank you, i’ll wear them soon.”

“baby, you don’t have to wear them if you don’t won’t to. really, it’s okay if you don’t.” he smiled, sensing something was wrong

you could feel the tears pooling in your eyes already, kkami nuzzling up to your leg as you sit with your back to the couch and your knees up to your chest.

“baby, talk to me. whatever it is we’ll figure it out, hm?”

he moved the bags out of the way so that he could sit in front of you, gently holding onto your hands as he scans your face for a response.

you let out a shaky breath before finally meeting his eyes.

“it’s not that i don’t like what you bought or that they’re not the right size, they’re perfect as always,” you laugh

“it’s just… they’re all things i could never afford on my own. but of course i’m grateful that you’d buy me these things, or anything for that matter-“

“but?”

“but, i- i just sometimes feel like i’m not enough for you, not worth the money you spend on me and that i don’t deserve it,” you start to get choked up, letting the tears overtake you.

“love, i’m sorry you feel that way. if i gift you something, it’s because I want to and because i do think you deserve it. when you’re stressed, when you have a good day, when you fail an exam or pass one. no matter the occasion, i love you and whether you have enough money to do the same or not, i always will. no matter what. you’re always enough for me. always.”

“hyune” you cry and he pulls you into his arms, placing you in his lap to hold.

“shh, baby. you don’t have to say anything, it’s okay. deep breaths for me, okay?”

you nod into the crook of his neck as he runs his fingers through your hair to sooth you.

“it’s okay, baby. you’re okay.” he says

the two of you sat there for a while. a long while. soon enough you fell asleep in his arms and he gently placed you on the couch, covering you with the throw blanket that rested on the back of it.

he let you rest for now. determined to still have a chat about all of this when you’re well rested.

taglist(open): @dadonbabysworld @lynanist @xhazmania @lix-ables @strayingawayy