#hate people being complicated why cant they just be evil or good

[senshibignaturalz]

Coming to terms with childhood trauma is fucking insane because yeah I knew this fucjed me up but now that I'm thinking about it why the fuck did my uncle STAY FRIENDS with my dad after seeing me start crying after he called just to yell at me??? Bro what the fuck how could you be friends with someone who does that to a 7 year old??? Insane, and then having the audacity to, now that I'm an adult, be like "oh yeah I never liked him" man u used to hang out with him of your own free will???

[bonew3s]

a short ink sans character essay—

a short ink sans character essay (? can i even call it that i barely scratched the surface)

( Ink is made by @comyet, here is the faq i will be referencing often; https://comyet.tumblr.com/post/132998265968/i-n-k-t-a-l-e — and here is this whole thing crossposted on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49854430 )

His soulessness—

hes soulless yes and he uses his vials to feel, comyet had mentioned he pretended to have a soul— not to have feelings. He feels things even if he needs his vials to do so they're still his emotions. Ink vomits when he feels too much, that doesnt sound very emotionless does it? Ink technically isn't emotionless. He cant understand emotions, yes, but he feels them. He cant go off his vials without kind of, dying/ going comatose. Comyet said he became a lifeless husk without them— not emotionless.

Ink is a bit of a jerk, that will obviously happen if someone doesnt have a good grasp on feelings or social ques— yes im bringing up social ques now.

Social ques, are usually hand in hand with emotions, they're connected. Okay, expanding on this— lets say, someone is sad the thing someone would do is comfort them, judge the situation yes? but its so much more complicated than that, you have to read ques wether they want to talk about it, you cant ask " do you want to talk about it?" because they might not want you to point it out— or maybe they want you to point it out and end up getting mad when you dont, youre trapped all because you cant read what that person wants with their body langauge becaus people are so unpredictable.

I got a little carried away there but you get the point yeah?

I mean, ink's gonna be a jerk, purposefully or not either way cause he doesnt have a good grasp on emotions thats how his character is, him being soulless or insensitive doesnt make him an evil character, hes complex thats how people in real life are.

I just hate when people automatically think soulless= evil, cause thats not true, maybe in canon undertale it is— but undertale aus arent canon thats why that doesnt apply, also ink is different from flowey because of his vials, flowey is alive because of determination that landed on his dust and the flowers near it, there wasnt any dt in inks case (that we know of) — and flowey pretends to have feelings, ink doesnt.

In inks faq, comyet mentions ink being emotional more than once, when mentioning his rainbow freckles he has when hes positivly emotional, and vomiting ink when hes emotionly shaken.

point being—Ink isnt emotionless he feels too much, hes not evil hes not exactly well behaved but he isnt downright evil. Everyone is morally grey, real life and fiction thats what makes it realistic and intresting, everyone has different perspectivs, opinons etc and that makes people morally grey.

"He is an insecure, self-centered character with abandonment issues who has a hard time trusting his emotions." again the word emotions pop up, and not just emotions his emotions. Those are inks flaws, and that gives perspective on his worldview, it makes sense, that he views other aus as just characters, he sees so many of them its better to disconnect himself right? The thing with abandonment issues is that it causes a feeling that everyone will leave you so its better you leave them— or disconnect youself from them, before they leave you.

Okay, lets talk about his past now, he was stuck in an abandoned au, he hated it so much and it was so blank that he didnt see any other way out than killing himself. He ripped his soul apart. He felt such great despair and hopelessness that he took his very being in tore into it, dusting instantly— and smiled as he dusted. It was worded as he "broke free", in a sense he did, but Ink didnt know he would be granted another chance, i dont think thats what it meant by broke free, because right after that it says he was given another chance. Ink didn't know what would happen after he died, in his mind death was better than being alone, being forgotten. I have a feeling that Ink not remembering his past, isnt just his regular spotty memory, i have a feeling it was a repressed memory— because some of it still carries over to him, like his fear of blank spaces, and being forgotten. Its somewhat similar to anniversary reactions, where someone doesnt even have to remember it, their subconcoius and body remember enough for feelings to peak through. Its not exactly aniversary reactions for Ink because there was no time in his au— point is his feeling still carry over even if he doesnt remember his actions. Ink is traumatized. Its so clear in his personality, quirks — everything. I hate when people completly brush over his past even if he doesnt remember it because in real life people block out traumatic events too!!! it still happend!!

his abandonment issues, insecurities, fears and overall flaws reflect that.

Ink isnt evil, comyet literally said he was a chaotic neutral.

basically im sick of people overlooking Ink— esp when people overlook is faq and past.

(i might add more to this later/someday idk cuz it is a little on the short side [alot on the short side] and i only coverd a quarter of what i wanted.)

update (9/13/23); okay, when i wrote this my thoughts were kinda everywhere despite how much i tried to organize this, its messy and i did not cover alot.

here i am coming to drop more info onto this, ok.

basically on ao3, someone had mentioned that the better wording for inks memory regarding the negatives of his past can be described better with dissociative amnesia, which supports my claim about ink being traumatized. (I assume that it would be nearly impossible for an emotionless person to have trauma, once again proving he does have emotions) But of course, if someone wants to write/portray ink as an evil character i am not the boss of you, i just hate when people think ink being an emotionless evil guy is canon when its not, he is traumatized. Trauma and abandonment issues can make people seem rude, act rude and we see that in inks character, and personally i think thats what makes him awesome. Ink is relatable and realistic, trauma does not carve a perfect angel of a person, trauma is ugly and rough, though i am not saying that every person with trauma is going to be rude of course, but no one is perfect.

[iratusmus]

so bizarre to me when people give fiona a redemption arc like making her evil wasnt literally like the fundamental core of making her an actually interesting character. like . ok actually i was mostly planning on just leaving the post as this but im going to make a proper post whining about this because ive seen it far too often for my liking.

it appears to me that a lot of people do this because they dislike fiona/scourge which is like. sure i get it. but you could literally just... break them up . and have her continue being awful on her own. like scourge is not the reason she switched sides and i find the idea. 1) a bit misogynistic frankly but thats more of a personal gripe than anything else like god forbid a woman make bad choices of her own volition and not because a man forced her hand into doing it (YES i am aware that abuse makes this more complicated than that but also we .... already have a relationship in archie sonic that fits this exact bill. yes it wasnt written well but the wonder of fan works is that you can always make it better. so why are we repeating it again 1:1) and 2) demeaning to the point of her character.

like. ok. lets go over the facts real quick. as a kid fiona got put in robotnik's salt mines and got accidentally left behind bc sonic & co couldnt find her. she realized that nobody was going make the effort to go save her, so she dug herself out and started life on the run as a treasure hunter/thief. she didnt ever really accept the fact that sonic and mighty not saving her wasnt really their fault, and even after becoming a freedom fighter, nobody ever said anything or apologized or said "hey wow that kind of sucks you went through all that". she never really made any actual friends within the ff or formed any meaningful bonds. she starts dating sonic, but its pretty clear that the only reason they're dating is that she's his rebound post The Slap. the moment her history with bean & bark came up - after she used that knowledge to save everybody - sally immediately turns on her and sonic is the only person to try to stick up for her. as bark and bean leave, bean also insinuates that fiona isnt really a freedom fighter, and that she's still basically one of them.

fiona is a "bad" trauma survivor. when i say "bad" i mean in opposition to the ideal tumblr trauma survivor - the sad poor uwu bean whose trauma only inclines them hurt themselves and they become more sympathetic kind etc. as a result. fiona, on the other hand, blames sonic (whose fault this is, frankly, not) for her experiences, and becomes more jaded and mean. she has no real support system and people repeatedly tell her that she hasnt changed and that she wont change and she cant change. shes already got all this baggage by the time her relationship with scourge starts carrying actual weight - he's offering her a way out. if none of them are ever going to really accept her being "good", then she might as well just give into her worst impulses and join hands with scourge, who, notably, has no stake in this - he doesnt have any obligation to be her friend like the freedom fighters, and more than that he likes her specifically because of the part of her that everybody else hates. the important part here is that he encouraged her to switch sides, he didnt make her switch sides.

id say fiona's character in a writing sense is an exploration of the failings of the freedom fighters to support a trauma victim, and how those failings, while unintentional, lead that victim to specifically turn against them. she says "ok actually screw all of you guys" and gives up on trying to be good because nobody ever gave her any real encouragement and decides to put herself on a path of self-destructive revenge and inflicting her misery onto the general population. we can also recall at this point that this motivation is entirely removed from scourge and you can literally break them up and still keep her evil.

the other important point here is that she purposefully chose that path of turning evil as opposed to leaving the freedom fighters or going somewhere else or like literally doing anything else. she literally could have just left but she did not and thats what makes her Interesting. prompted by her unhealed trauma and personal baggage she made those bad choices for herself, and frankly i cannot for the life of me understand why people think that walking back that character development (and yes i mean character development. character development can also mean getting worse) for ..... what. snarky but with a heart of gold generic protagonist girl? come on guys

[0ystercatcher]

ok now that i have a little time. time to post about my america journey. this ones about restaurants and service work. im sorry in advance but also im not because im objectively Correct.

dear american friends. tipping there is bullshit, retarded, insane, fucked up. restaurant service does not need to be that involved, complicated, annoying or intrusive. yes i understand the us kind of sort of runs on its service economy, yes i understand work is work, yes i understand often its corporate policy and yes i still fucking hated it. there is genuinely no good reason for anyone to be paying 15%+ ON TOP of the actual prices at a restaurant. yes yes i undeerstand the wage issue yes oh all powerful american yes you deserve to be properly compensated for your labors but the way youre also just supposed to accept random customers are the ones who owe you 15%+ MINIMUM (and some places had like an 18% minimum, for real what the fuck) is genuinely crazy to me. im also going to be real min wage in wa for all tipped workers is the normal min wage so you cant even bullshit me w the federal rates or whatever. its a crazy policy. it makes no sense in the vast majority of cases and it makes servers ANNOYING ill get into this also. again yes i understand the reasons people often bring up as to why this is the case but i still simply disagree this is the best way to do this.

also once again sorry. servers are fucking annoying when everyones angling for tips. sorry. i simply do not want to be bothered 5 times while im eating my slop or whatever just to get asked if the food is good or whatever. im eating it just fine brother please just leave me alone. yes im being a cunt yes im getting borderline misanthropic with this but for real i find it crazy, insane, stupid, that people will genuinely respond to this with like. the vaguest arguments about how if you dislike eating out just dont. bc like i dont dislike eating out at all but this particular way of dealing w customers is like. fucking crazy. i want...to just enjoy the meal. this is where i could get into the other thing that deeply annoyed me abt the usa and once again im going to be evil but its the fake nice small talk w cashiers or whatever like look. look. i am not mean in person. i believe treating people who are just doing their jobs in your presence with respect and dignity are absolute necessities and i prommy i am very nice to people when i am consuming products or services. i do in fact, say please and thank you. but bro americans go crazy with it and yes yes corporate policy yes this and that. but oh my god i was sick of it by the end of the trip even if i was also getting better at it. i simply do not think you need to exchange a minimum of 2 unrelated pleasntries to begin any sort of transactional interaction though and again im not opposed to hi, please, thanks, thats obvious and necessary. but to be fucking honest i dont want the beloved talented barista who made me a delicious espresso to ask me if im having a nice day. i dont need it. i dont need to ask it back either this guys just working like what exactly are they gonna say. they dont need to be wasting their time like this. i am there for coffee or whatever the fuck else no offense to them obviously but we all know this is true. so why. why bother. why bother with any of this. the third world does just fine without it. why bother. i think this may have been the thing i disliked the most.

[russilton]

What’re your thoughts on America’s sweethearts Logan Sargeant and Chloe Chambers?

I promise you those on Logan’s are eagles, I was using a double line brush sometimes you get what you get

Lets start with the easy one- Chloe! I know so little about her but she seems like a good egg, synth loves her and I am super fond! I cheered when she won, I look forward to seeing her alongside Este and Ollie next year because I think they’ll make a thoroughly chaotic group of children. Yes este included. She seems great! Go kiddo!

Logan… Logan is complicated. I really don’t hate the guy, but I can’t make myself love him. He suffers from being slap bang in the middle of slightly misplaced frustration at a system that’s not on him, and frustration with his fans. It’s not his fault, I feel deeply sorry for the lot he’s been stuck with and the critique levelled at him very fast, but I also think a lot of people baby him when the reality of F1 is just gutting and frustrating sometimes. My opinions are very driver meta heavy, so I’ll stick them under a read more bc not everyone wants to read that

I feel for Sargent, I feel for his fans. Not everyone swims, I was a fan of Nicky who he replaced, and I adored the guy but he just wasn’t fit for F1, and part of that is drive and part of it is just confidence. Logan had a harder entry, but greater confidence, but that just doesn’t always translate to a drive. And that. Sucks. You can hate it and grieve it and it will hurt. But I also don’t think James Vowles is the enemy for telling him he has to preform. I don’t think he was evil for switching the cars. He has 1000+ people at grove to protect and they don’t have the safety or money Logan does. James didn’t hire him but he gave him the best shot he could with incredible gentle hands for that first year. But that just cant last forever. You sometimes have to choose between your driver being babied because they are young, which means they aren’t trusted, or trusted, but that means responsibilities and pressure.

While it’s not what he wants and it sucks, Logan does have options, has a safety net in Indy car who seems desperate for him to return home, or I was even saying to friends he would be a great shout for formula E! He has options, and whatever happens he has achieved a dream many don’t, in getting in an f1 car at all. He should be damn proud of that.

Which is also why I feel a little bitter sometimes- I see a lot of people calling out that Logan was never give a shot- he was absolutely pulled too fast, but he WAS given an astronomical opportunity. You can think what Williams did wasn’t fair but what’s even crueller is the people who don’t get what Logan did at all. I’m a Fred fan, so I wanted him in Logan’s seat if it was vacated, and as it becomes clear that’s not very likely to happen, all I get to see is the fact Logan got a shot my guy might not. People can call Ameriphobia, but being American got him his seat, having sponsors and family connections following him got him his seat. He’s no nepo baby but he wasn’t helpless…Some people have none of that, no matter how they preform, how hard they try. Is any of this Logan’s fault?

No, Logan’s not Merc (or Toto), he has no say, he’s fighting for his own life. but I also can’t really… detach him from that. If he does stay, good, if he goes, I think he still has so many opportunities to shine. I see in Logan not the man himself, but the shadow of those before, and those who could have been.

I also caution y’all this is a personal opinion most definitely not shared by wider fandom or teams- but it’s where my head is at. If you don’t agree— trust me, I’m already suffering. I have so much sympathy for the guy which is WHY I feel so much. I have far less thoughts about dudes I hate

Driver opinion Bingo

[blackgoldaster]

(X)Gaster, Creators, and the Knowledge of being fictional

so, in an appearant fit of self destruction, i managed to read part of Xtales plot on a fanon wiki.... and well, i couldn't decipher all of it, but from what i understand, XGaster's motivation comes from not making a good enough AU...which appearantly drove him insane? And appearantly he uses everyone as puppets to try and create the perfect AU as a result.

But how is that any different from a real life creator? I myself suffer from perfectionism, and im sure many other people do to. We all create stories just to scrap them again, especially me. I was told making multiple versions of a story is part of the writing process...what makes XGaster overwriting each story any different from that? What makes him evil, when other creators arent?

it seems to be from the same logic of the people that blame the player for the games actions, while also villifying the player at the same time (or alternatively, frisk or chara). And yet, sans says something interesting, in that the no mercy route is done not out of a desire of good or evil, but because you can, so you have too.

that whole desire of not doing it out of good or evil...thats the thing that people keep forgetting. You dont magically become evil by killing all the enemies in a videogame, even if the game itself says so. The reason? Because the characters you mistreat are not real.

People love to villify the player, but strangely enough, not the creator. You know, the one who makes the story, the one above the player? Why is the player evil, but not the one who enabled the player, and all other evil in the story in the first place?

once again, because characters are not real. But say, what if a fictional character became aware that everything wasn't real? Like, actually became aware that everyone is just a figment of someone's mind, including themselves.

What if, the knowledge of everything being fictional, made them view it like us, the real people, and what if, the desire to create a good story is the same that we do? But don't forget, because the creator is also a character, their own feelings don't matter...which means the only reason they would create a story...

Is to entertain real people, aka us.

So now I ask the question, If a character knew that everything is fictional, and thus not real, whose own feelings don't matter, who only desires to entertain real people...

Would they still be evil then?

But thats the strange thing in the UT Multiverse, while the characters are very much aware of Creators existing, I almost never see it acknowledged that the multiverse is not real, or the sheer horror & nihilism the characters would realistically experience if they found out.

Sure, there is the occasional story that does, but those stories always end with "we feel real, so we are real, so the person who doesnt acknowledge us as real is the bad guy and we should hate them!"

and to put it bluntly, thats a really shallow take to an interesting philosophical question.

As for Xtale? Xtale/Underverse doesn't seem to acknowledge its AUs as "not real" or atleast dont show any nihilistic responses to it (to my knowledge). I find this quite a shame, 'cause well...

It would make Xgaster a much more compelling character in my opinion.

A creator who is identical to us in every way, with the exception that their fictional...imagine all the interesting philosophical questions that would arise. A fictional villain whose descent to villany is acting like a real person

But, thats complicated. Thats not what the surface view of canon implies. Of course we cant have that.

No, the fandom wants a villain they can unconditionally hate, maybe with a semi-sympathethic backstory thats unproportional to their actions, but a hatable villain nontheless.

first was Flowey, then Chara, then King, then Mike, and ofc the Knight & the Player, as well as the occasional Asgore & Alphys, but the scapegoat nobody recognizes as one, is Gaster, who has been villified from day one, and will probably remain so forever...

Which is a shame, not only cause that makes the stories far more shallow than they need to be, but also cause, well, Gaster is both an Undertale and Deltarune character, with meta knowledge, implied to be overseeing everything, so what would the next logical step be?

or in other words, what would make a truly self aware fictional character any more evil than us?

and once again...

what would make (X)Gaster any more evil than us?

[shuxiii]

hey shuu!! it's me hahaiahsja twice in a day who would've thought

this might be a bit (a lot) big because I just finished my run through of next door and cat page after so long of neglect due to school, so here's your warning for that!!

I'll begin with cat page because I'm excited ashdjam I'm not even going to lie one of the first reasons I put a hold on my reading of it was because the thought of hating cats hurt my heart in many ways and I wasn't prepared for it (even if it would pass and it wasn't anything too evil aaaahasjje) but haerin being petty in the latest chapters had me laughing so much it got me excited to go back to reading cat page as soon as I could!

it makes me cackle so much how cp!yn changed completely because of a crush hahahakshaksj although definitely not in an extreme case like hating cats I too have changed my ways to please a crush in the past and it's so funny seeing this from an outsider perspective I'm loving it (also please don't ever change yourself for someone else unless it's actually a bad habit because people should love you from who you are)

also a bit of a side note but everytime hyein is the younger sister it feels like she's either too stressed or being pulled into complicated stuff that it's none of her business I never know if I should laugh or be concerned tbh 😭😭

and sebastian whiskers is such a funny but actually good name you're a genius shu, a genius.

also also!! haerin being jealous is so funny I'm having so much fun you're insane with humour aaahahdjdj

but I'll stop for now and begin talking about next door already before this actually becomes an essay (I'm so sorry if this is way too big but I don't know if I'll have time today to send more asks so it's easier to send everything together while I can 😅)

now I'll begin this part saying that I love learning new words 🥰 everytime you write a word that's not in english and explain to us the meaning I get all tinglish with excitement because I love learning about other languages and cultures and it's so cool and aaaaahahdhsksj and there's so many of them in next door I love it hihi 😊

and as a musician!! I actually got a bit offended when han said "stupid guitar" on the first chapter I'm not even gonna lie but jake irritates me so much more like mate excuse me I'm trying to enjoy my childhood ""enemies"" to lovers drama can you please move out of the way???

but anyways! poor haerin and dani being pulled into their sisters dramas they deserve a hug and a ice cream each!!

"excuse me?" "you're excused" had me seated with a big bucket of popcorn so hard why are you so good?? aaaaaaahskahdhsk shu you– you bring an unhinged expressionism out of me it actually scares me I love your stuff so much here's a heart 💜

oh! also also! the fact that next door!han is blonde is such a good character detail giving how her personality is here it fits so much!!! you and your amazing brain are so lovely aaajashdj

and their moms and minji being the biggest hanyn shippers they're so cute 🥰 like that's an unspoken rule I have with my stories I think all my childhood friends to lovers have their parents shipping them together because it's just so funny to write that (specially the grandmas I love making grandmas ask every family gathering if the characters are already dating aahskajs)

anyways! I'll speedrun this because it's already feeling like an end of the year school essay and I don't wanna give you that kind of headache hahahaksjdjq

nd!jake makes my blood boil how does a person do that to hanni???? he's so heartless souless foolish I hope his layla bites his ankle so he can't play anymore >:(

well I guess this is it! sorry for it being humongous 😅😅

have a good night amazing shu!!

bye bye shu <3

Oh my god UWBSUAHAHA THIS ASK IS A LITERAL ESSAY 😭😭 SOME KIND OF LONG FIC 😭😭😭😭IM SO FLATTERED AUZBAUSHSH IM EMBARRASSED U TOO UR TIME TO WRITE FOR ME… USZHSUHS I HOPE U ENJOY READING MY SMAUS AND IM SORRY IF I CANT WRITE AND RECIPROCATE UR LONG WORDS BUT THIS MADE ME GASP and i hope u have a good day too AJDHSUS IM FLATTERED U LOVE MY HUMOR AND WRITING LOVE UU

[detransexual]

Detransition is weird as shit even if its less of a struggle to deal with now. I wish i could speak more, louder and less afraid, i wish i could be open and honest and say what i think needs saying, there's not a lot of us willing to speak openly yet, not with our real faces, our real voices and our real names. Especially not those of us who have legitimate criticisms of the trans community and medical transition.

Its all declawed and defanged, wrapped up in cotten and presented as unthreatheningly as possible, and ive seen the stress on those who do speak bravely and openly and i do hope i muster up the courage to join their voices eventually, it feels like a moral failing to do nothing but talk to those closest to me when its getting noticably worse and i cant bare to think how many more girls like me there are gonna be, how many more there are in the less than ten years since i fell the rabbithole, and it terrifies me how much worse it must be for them, how little of an opportunity they really have to make a legitimate decision, how much harder it must be to actually figure out your own identity when you are been bombarded with unhinged internet politics and misogynistic propaganda on a daily basis.

like i dont WANT to sound like "think of the children!!1!" but legitimately? Think of the fucking children actually, there is literally nothing wrong with safeguarding children, it is not inherently a bad faith argument or a dogwhistle you idpol poisoned morons. There ARE a lot of teenage transitioners, children DO get prescribed puberty blockers, and we need to address the ethical dilemmas that come with that we cant just NOT discuss it??

Who fucking cares IF its transphobic, it doesnt fucking matter, there is a rapidly growing number of teenage girls who are experiencing very real distress about their bodies and how they are treated because of their bodies, and they're being told that THEY and their bodies are the problem, that they're different from other girls (ahah no dont develop class consciousness ur so easy to manipulate when you feel alienated from + persecuted by other women ahah~) that they'll never be comfortable in their bodies, and the only way to escape is to transition (ahah noo dont try to overcome your psychological distress and attempt self acceptance you're so profitable when you hate yourself and you're desperate for plastic surgery & hormones ahah~) like thats fucked, i mean thats absolutely FUCKED. That is just fucking marketing plastic surgery to people with body image issues, at its core that is what it fucking is, all in the name of proving that trans people are as indistinguishable as possible from the opposite sex (ahah noo dont safeguard children from lifelong & irreversible complications they're so convenient as ideological pawns we can use as an argumwnt for why biological sex doesnt matter ahah~)

you cant tell fucking KIDS that they were magically born in the wrong body and the ONLY way for them to be happy is to become a lifetime patient and then go "well its their choice! Kids known themselves best, there's no unsavoury incentives here they're making a totally informed and free decision, nothing to see here!" and think im not gonna think you're like, evil actually. I know most people have good intentions, i know more yet just dont dare speak out, i know there are very legitimate cult-like dynamics going on here, i do have empathy, i am being hyperbolic and i understand most people are just eager to please morons who are being fed propaganda and actively being discouraged from structural analysis on ANY level but it is so frustrating how so many useful idiots can cause so much damage when they are trying to do the opposite i feel like im going crazy sometimes. I mean i am but thats mostly unrelated.

Anyway im perhaps a little bit batshit unhinged sometimes but i dont feel like im being unreasonable about this one, its morally fucked up to not only allow but actively encourage young girls with high rates of trauma (especially sexual trauma), social difficulties, and severe and complex mental health issues to undergo permanent medical changes that we know neither the full risks and side effects of, nor the efficacy of it as a treatment, it just fucking is.

And yeah i care about young boys transitioning too but like, they're never gonna be my main concern because i will never experience athat so im not equipped to speak on it, aaaand also im not equipped to tackle how the incentives r verrry different because i havent met as many mtfs irl so i cant make any personal observations n im not as familiar with the comorbidity statistics etc.

Nyway thats not what i was gonna say originally but sometimes u get possessed by something or other like a fuckin.. Whatever that thing was with victorian people writing but it was ghosts somehow, idk im on drugs do you fucking mind

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[furvillaconfessions]

Rotsy here. There seems to be a lot of hurt feelings going around about this, so I'm going to try to tread carefully, but I'm not going to sugar coat anything either. If you make it all the way to the end of this very long post I have some cool stories to tell you.

I'm not going to pick apart what @/post/634692733521559552/ said just yet, but I would like to address some of the replies, because they felt like a kick in the guts after reading the post of a clearly upset person.

I don’t see it as “gate keeping.” also this spirit is known around in many other cultures not just one. better to respect the ones who asked us to cenceor it over not cencoring it at all. now I got no proof but I see so many people say that they where asked to cencor it there for what I’m doing.

If you don't see it as gatekeeping when a native person asks (begs even) someone to stop talking for them, then you're part of the problem. How do you know they aren't part of the cultures these stories are coming from? We don't. All I ask is that you try to understand where this person is coming from before just outright rejecting what they are saying.

You cant say “literally no indigenous person” like youre getting mad at people speaking for all of us and then you speak for all of us lol. If youre truly to the point of wanting to VOMIT from seeing a censored word, i think you need to take a break from this blog and probably the internet. Nobody is treating us like primitive babies. Theyre respecting our culture when we ask them to.

Atilla, you know I love you, but you should respect the culture of op too, and have a talk with them instead of assuming their disgust is simply because of text on a screen. By saying they need to get off of the internet you're not affording them with the space to share their hurt feelings- which could be the only place they have to share those feelings for all we know. It was wrong to say 'literally no one,' but I believe that came from a place of pain and not malice. This person is clearly hurt and feeling like people aren't listening to their feelings on the subject- which is what many of us feel all the time. (Assuming you are also native because you said 'us' and 'our.' Correct me if I'm wrong.) There's a bigger problem here that's been brewing for a while, and I'd like to band with you to work on this instead of fighting with you, so if you want to pm me, please do.

Now some context:

A massive reason why (was it the only reason? I can't say) the word wendigo/windigo/wintiko/whetiko started getting censored is because individuals on twitter were making posts about how the wendigo is greatly misunderstood and misrepresented (even appropriated) in white dominated culture. These individuals were tired of being harassed by people who refused to give their culture respect (or blatantly insulting them) so they started censoring the word in order to prevent their posts from appearing in the search. The same thing happened on tumblr. A lot of native people are bullied and harassed into silence when we try to speak up about things so we use code words and censoring to stay safe on the internet. This is the reason why we started censoring conversations around the entity- and also the big reason why I abandoned my original tumblr.

The wendigo is complicated. It is not a demon or a boogyman, and it's not part of a religion. Our stories (the choctaw word literally translates to stories, so I don't mean to be disrespectful) are not a religion in the same sense a christian or a muslim has a religion. Religion in the way people are talking about it doesn't exist in native american culture unless, like previously said on this blog, they are christian. It's more complicated than that. Hinduism might be a closer relative in terms of cultural and religious structure, but I'm not hindi so I can't really say for sure. On top of that, various groups have their own interpretation of the entity. Stories of the wendigo are like your grandmother's christmas dressing recipe. Everyone's family has one and they all guard it zealously. Even within the same nations, it can be regarded as a spirit that possesses people who become greedy, or simply an allegory for sexual and/or physical assault from white people. It's not a monster in the same way white european culture has come to understand the monster analogy. This misunderstanding itself is appropriation in the most basic definition of cultural appropriation. This is before we even get into the discussion of how it should be depicted. It's not simply a monster or evil spirit or physiological disorder. The wendigo is so much more than that.

I don't pretend to understand any of the algonquin languages, so the translation is both literally and figuratively lost on me, but this is the best way I can explain it from a dear canadian friend: The creature is greed. Be that just greed or lust or hunger or colonialism, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't even have to be a creature for someone to be consumed by it. Even just what it represents is dangerous and goes against the very nature of our virtues all across the nations.

I posted a very long post here once before, but I can't find it in the search so I don't know if it even exists any more. Basically what I had said in that post is that this whole situation, on all sides, is causing more damage than good. The longer we keep winding in long circles around this topic, and the more people try to sink their teeth in to control the narrative, the more power the wendigo has over us all- literally or metaphorically is up to you. Don't yell at people when they are upset, don't harass people who use the word as a screen name, don't try to speak for everyone, and most importantly, don't disregard an native person's feelings on the subject, even if you disagree with them. We all have to vent, and some people are getting to their breaking point.

If you find someone misrepresenting or appropriating any part of your culture, the best thing to do is to talk to them about it. I know they don't exactly afford us with the same respect, but clearly yelling at people and harassing them is just making them dig in their heels.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening. Here's the cool stories I promised:

As a choctaw person, I have a proposition for people who genuinely like the deer-man monster concept. There's a creature in choctaw stories called kashehotapolo. It's a contraction (sort of) between kashesho (pronounced kah-she-sho) meaning woman, and tapalo (pronounced tah-pah-lo) meaning scream. Together it's pronounced like kah-she-ho-ta-pah-lo. These are deer-human hybrid creatures who live in forests and swamps and scream (like a woman) when hunting (I picture it as sounding like a cougar scream). They have been described having deer legs, the body of a man, and either a wrinkled human face or a deer face, sometimes with antlers. Kasheotapolo are more like tricksters who like to stalk people just for the fun of it, and go out of their way to be creepy. Sometimes they are straight up violent and want to eat people, but most of the time they just like to creep people out. Another one is the deer-legged lady. In choctaw culture it's called the issikashesho (is-see-kah-she-sho) or just deer-legged lady/woman. The cherokee call them anukite (ah-noo-ki-tee; which I think means something like two-faced). These are shapeshifters who turn into beautiful women, old women, deer, deer-legged women, and anthro deer women. They hate rapists and cheaters, and will stomp rapists to death with their deer hooves. There's even a story that adults used to tell their boys at powwow's, that if they saw a drunk girl, don't take her off in the woods to take advantage of her because she could be a deer-legged lady and might stomp you to death. In more recent stories, there are deer-legged people, because women and non-binary people can rape and be raped too. Badass, huh? My proposition is to research these two creatures and start using them for your characters, stories, and usernames instead. They aren't as sacred to us as the wendigo is to the algonquin people, and they are exactly what people misrepresent the wendigo as looking like. I just think it's time to put this beast to rest.

I love you all. Be excellent to each other.

[feminisedlad]

as a trans man those posts do fucking bother me and it kinda sucks that like. idk. even our own community seems to hate us and you cant really speak up about it without someone calling you oversensitive or saying youre being oppressive. like to be a "good" transmasc you have to just smile and nod when other lgbt people are saying youre Inherently Awful lest you be a Horrible Oppressive Man

it is a REALLY thin tightrope to walk bc of course i know trans men who act exactly like cis men, of course i know trans men who talk over trans women bc like. it happens all the time and its super fucking shitty of them! so i dont want to make it sound like “the evil trans women are picking on the softboi trans men” bc thats reductive and mean

at the same time tho some ppl genuinely hate trans men MORE than cis men and im sry but thats JUST transphobia. like thats it. i think the common reasons for this are:

some ppl think trans men ‘chose to be oppressors’ (this is usually cis ppl in my experience)

some ppl think trans men were hotter before transitioning

some trans ppl are shitty to each other bc they dont understand why someone would give up s/t that they really really want. i had a friend tell me that for a while she hated me because my pre-transition self was actually her transition goals.... which i applaud her honesty but it also gutted me to hear. i think that sort of thing can happen on both sides (ive seen trans dudes say this to trans women too and like. dont do that). 

i think some cis women see trans men and get disgusted bc of internalized shit. like most of the mean comments ive gotten about my transition were from cis woman friends who felt the need to tell me my body hair was gross or w/e.

some ppl think testosterone is evil / gives you roid rage (ive seen trans women say that this belief hurts some of them, too. like if you believe one hormone is The Evil Hormone, what does that say to trans women who arent on HRT? this is a point i wouldnt have considered but i want to highlight it here)

so obviously i dont think theres a conspiracy against trans men lol, i think its just complicated and ppl can hold these beliefs without realizing they hold them. it still sucks tho and if you notice any of these thought patterns within yourself, you should try to be critical about them.

[yaboyspodcastpalace]

For the character asks: Jon, Peter Lukas, Annabelle Cane? (giving multiple suggestions so you can pick one in case you get the same character twice in different asks)

very kind of you to assume i get many asks :') THANKS ill do all of them u_u

[Send me a character and i'll tell you...]

(under the cut bc i love talking and this got long lmao)

Jon

First impression

he's a uptight prick with obvious favoritism for sasha and tim and i love him so! much!!!!!!

Impression now

my poor little mew mew hm................I've got a complicated relationship w/ jon bc i love him a lot, but i loved s1 him the most, and literally everything else just makes me really, brutally, sad ;_; The way he tries so desperately to cling to his humanity and how other characters just call him by the title imposed to him makes me wanna cry

...also he just cares so much ;_; i cry

Favorite moment

probably his interactions with georgie at the beginning of season 3!!! From s5 id say when he killed not!sasha, it felt vindictive ù_ú

Idea for a story

Dhfhdh im p basic when it comes to him ngl, either jon/tim/sasha friends to lovers or jon and desolation!tim or *something*!sasha trying to stay as human as possible, together 😔 (or just any of them living and coping together in s4 n s5)

Unpopular opinion

Im just not a fan of monster jon, at all! He's not the type of character that i enjoy seeing having a corruption arc unfortunately!! It just hurts!!! (and this Is from someone that Loves corruption arcs!!!)

Also i really hate moth jon imagery??? For not particular reason, moths are pretty, but i still hate it u_u AND THE ASSOCIATION OF GREEN W/ JON (or the beholding in general!) I CANNOT STAND IT!! i know its bc of the tma logo but guess what! Its wrong! Purple jon rights!!!

ALSO ALSO the so called pining he had for martin just.... didnt felt like that at all! i have Many feelings abt this!

Favorite relationship

either georgie in s3, or sasha!!! i love how he always praises sasha in her research in s1 and even thought he's at his driest & sharp Trying-To-Project-Professionalism-And-Skepticism she still rolls into his office, interrupts him mid statement to banter w/ him abt pronunciation n stuff and its just Normal, like that speaks volumes of how comfortable they felt around each other! they were friends gdi! the moment he realizes she died and then everytime the not!them mocks him w/ her death makes me wanna break smth q_q

im not even gonna mention tim bc even though i love their relationship It 👏 makes me👏 very 👏 sad 👏

non shippy and also staying strictly canon, i love his relationship with melanie!

Favorite headcanon

sometimes i think abt that one hc that hes really good with arcade games bc he lived near the coast and i smile bc thats cute :) also hes a trans man 💙💗🤍💗💙

Peter

First impression

Mystery evil captain man!!! Fog?? I LOVE him :)

Impression now

I STILL LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! Hes an asshole and has a lovely voice and smile and hes not, hes not Dumb but also he's far from the whooooa evil lonely influence he think he is (played like a cheap fiddle). He also makes me sad in ways i cannot and wont describe, and its a shame that he died cuz he was the best part of season 4 😔 rip you beautiful bastard man i still miss you </3

Favorite moment

"It has blood on it" "thats Leitner's too :D". Also when martin was angry abt idk, breekon? Jon going into the coffin? Cant remember, but peter was like I said id protect the institute, that guys not my problem ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Idea for a story

dfgdfg i have..... a petermart story that dealt with the different flavor of loneliness they both had, half smut half genuine meta of both of them and theorization on the branching of an Entity & how their powers manifested in other people...

basically, peter thinks hes hot shit when it comes to loneliness but gets overwhelmed when martin accidentally projects his feelings abt *fic's plot stuff* on him, its fun stuff!

Unpopular opinion

people either paint him like an absolute devil or an incompetent idiot and hes neither of them! hes an asshole who loves being an asshole but far from the worst monster in the show and he tried to do a clever scheme TWICE on his life and 1. while it was established that any of the rituals wouldnt work singularly the Silence was still a pretty clever attempt if it weren't for gertrude! and 2. well... he tried to manipulate someone petty and formerly supposed to be a web avatar, again not his fault, cant call him stupid for trying dfgdfg

i Do think hes kinda pathetic in some sense considering his backstory, but more out of personal pity than anything else

Favorite relationship

Canonically speaking him and martin! The pull and push of them was The best thing about season 4! Peter being a quite dangerous avatar and martin, beautiful and scared and kinda feisty, confronting him every chance he gets, peter doing his best to manipulate him and martin letting him believe hes succeeding (even thought, he is, partly). They're fascinating characters to have side by side

Favorite headcanon

Partly canonically speaking him and mikaele salesa :) they do bets together! They're lonely sea men! What else could you possibly want?

Also non shippy i like thinking abt peter's and simon's relationship but thats entirely non canon ♡

Diversity wins! The heir of the lonely is a gay man!

Also I think as every rich household(?) the lukases had many paintings and peter as a kid saw the ones w/ sailing ships and imagined sailing far far away from his family. That and seaman aesthetic fucks, which is why he always has the same vibe going on as an adult. He does Not know half of the things he'd need to know to have a ship though but hey he's rich and thats all he needs

Annabelle

First impression

thats a horrible psychological experiment they're making there D:

Impression now

THATS STILL A HORRIBLE EXPERIMENT AND ANNABELLE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER............. idk! she makes me sad in the same way jon (and to a degree, peter) does! to be a living puppet for the thing that traumatized you as a kid and that later kinda killed you / is the only thing keeping you alive, to be devoted to it scrambling to believe in a higher reason for all of it to happen bc to believe otherwise is............. anyway. i love her, and i feel so so sorry for her

Favorite moment

her "maybe ive never been to the beach" at the end of ehr statement (that i fully believe its bullshit but, yknow, i love that she adds that), most of her convos with martin, her "i told you this might happen" "you did, you did" with mikaele

Idea for a story

i think a lot about her having conversations w/ either mikaele (platonically) or sasha (shippy) and their different points of views and treat with her making her doubt the web a bit

Unpopular opinion

listen, listen, i know it sounds like im woobifying her i Know it but reading the scraps of her story how can i Not feel sorry for her? when the story framed her very similar to jon? the supernatural childhood encounter that gave them arachnophobia and the subsequential joining with an Entity against her will? the fact that both the story and the fans treat her like a spider woman always sat very very bad to me, and the fact that the story itself always framed her like a villain (considering All The Other Characters that get the benefit of the doubt) was extremely disappointing

Favorite relationship

her and mikaele!!!!!!! wish we could have seen more scenes of just the two of them!!!!!! *singing* he is her daaaaaad, hes her dad! boogie boogie boogie! (ok no but like... their offscreen friendship is my favorite thing of season 5 ;_;)

Favorite headcanon

Sigh i dont know...i still think she's scared of spiders which make her current existence harder but thats a sadcanon :/ umm...... i love the idea of mikaele and her cooking together from time to time! Mikaele showing her some plates he used to eat as a kid as he talks stories about his life :) and she listens and sometimes tells a story of her own! its been so long since he had a quasy normal conversation! its weird yet nice!

[goofatron]

OC Personality Sheet

Tagged by: @skullharvester​ and @coraptedata​  Tagging: Anyone really lol

Trelane Powers

Alias: Trey, Lanny, Powergirl,

Gender: Female

Race: Black-White Biracial

Nationality: American

Age: 19 (in AU); 46 (in 2021)

DOB: May 12th 1975

Species: Human

Zodiac: Taurus; Rabbit (Chinese)

Abilities/Talents: Speaks like a million languages, can jerry rig even the most hopeless machines into working again, in tune with nature (speaks for the trees and all that), excellent marksmanship with her rifle (gift from her late father)

Alignment: lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / neutral / evil / true

Religion: A free spirit (doesn't actually follow any religious code)

Sins: envy / greed / gluttony / lust / pride / sloth / wrath

Virtues: charity / chastity / diligence / humility/ justice / kindness / patience

Languages: English, Spanish (mainly Mexican variant), French, Japanese, German, Chinese Mandarin, Italian, and Korean.

Family: Robert (Bob, Bobby) Powers (father; deceased); Olivia Jones (mother; left at birth); Louie and Joyce Mitchell (foster family after father was murdered)

Friends: Erick Rothstein; Donovan Ross

Sexual Orientation: heterosexual / bisexual / pansexual / homosexual / demisexual / asexual / unsure / other

Relationship Status: single / dating / married / widowed / open relationship / divorced / not ready for dating / it’s complicated

Libido: sex god / very high / high / average / low / very low / non-existent

Build: twig / bony / slender / average / athletic / curvy / chubby / obese / stocky

Hair: white / blonde / brunette / red / black / other

Eyes: brown / blue-gray / green / black / other (cursed with heterochromia)

Skin: pale / fair (but tanned) / olive / light brown / brown / very brown / other

Height: 5'5" / ~167cm

Weight: 120lbs. / ~54kg

Scars: One giant scar going down her back from left shoulder blade to right hip - a single swipe from a large grizzly bear she and her dad ran into on their property in Alaska. She still has the paw from the bear who nearly killed her and loves to brag about it.

Facial Features: Oval face, freckles all over, soft-Nubian nose, average-thick brows, big lips = big smiles :)

Tattoos: none (though Erick keeps pestering her about it)

Dogs or Cats? Dogs for all eternity. She has 2: a golden retriever named, Emily; a german shepard named, Vengeance. They’re the same age but she rescued them at different times.  

Birds or Nugs? birds cus she doesnt know wtf a nug even is???

Snakes or Spiders? snakes though she doesnt mind spiders as long as they stay in their spaces.

Coffee or Tea? bean water 

Ice Cream or Cake? ice cream. she likes to bite through it to freak out her friends.

Fruits or Vegetables? vegetables, as she grew up learning how to farm. Fruits can be too sugary for her if they’re from a Super Market. 

Sandwich or Soup? Soups, as they’re hearty and good for the soul <3

Magic or Melee? Why is ranged not a choice?? >:I

Sword or Bow? oh there it is! Bow if she had to choose, but if it ever were an option: Gun. Always Gun. Gunbow perhaps?

Summer or Winter? Evolved with the capabilities to survive Alaskan winters in shorts and a tank top in a cabin with no internal heating system.

Spring or Autumn? Spring brings out new life and that means new meat to hunt!

The Past or The Future? Preferably the future. She doesn't like to look back because for her, it’s more bad memories than good. 

Erick Rothstein 

Alias: just Erick. don't call him ‘Rick’. 

Gender: Male

Race: White

Nationality:  German-American immigrant

Age: 18 in AU; 45 in 2021

DOB: September 11th 1975

Species: Human

Zodiac: Virgo; Rabbit (Chinese)

Abilities/Talents: Beautiful singing voice; voice actor; bendable; double-jointed

Alignment: lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / neutral / evil / true

Religion: Agnostic if anything

Sins: envy / greed / gluttony / lust / pride / sloth / wrath

Virtues: charity / chastity / diligence / humility/ justice / kindness / patience

Languages: English, German, Spanish (as far as high school Spanish goes)

Family: Conrad Rothstein (Father; Incarcerated); Fernanda Brandt (Mother; Incarcerated); Alvaro/Louie Rothstein Mitchell(Paternal Uncle; Disowned runaway); Joyce Mitchell (Aunt by marriage); Kimberly Mitchell (Cousin); Chad Mitchell (Cousin)

Friends: Trelane Powers; Donovan Ross

Sexual Orientation: heterosexual / bisexual / pansexual / homosexual / demisexual / asexual / unsure / other

Relationship Status: single / dating / married / widowed / open relationship / divorced / not ready for dating / it’s complicated

Libido: sex god / very high / high / average / low / very low / non-existent

Build: twig / bony / slender / average / athletic / curvy / chubby / obese / stocky

Hair: white / blonde / brunette / red / black / other (ginger)

Eyes: brown / blue-gray / green / black / other

Skin: pale / fair / olive / light brown / brown / very brown / other

Height: 5'10" / ~155cm

Weight: 155lbs. / ~70kg

Scars: Do mental scars count? He does have scars on his back and legs all from a leather strap used by his parents. A few scars where his left kidney used to be when he got stabbed in the 90s after exiting a gay bar.

Facial Features: Oval and firm face, still got baby fat in some areas even in his 30s (lol), traditional Germanic pointed nose™

Tattoos: none (but he does want to get matching ones w/ Trey)

Dogs or Cats? Cats 100% as he is deathly afraid of dogs as they were used to torment him as a child. He does make an exception for both of Trey’s dogs, Emily and Vengeance however. 

Birds or Nugs? tf is a nug?? Birds, he guesses.

Snakes or Spiders? Neither (same reason as dogs)

Coffee or Tea? coffee 80% of the time. He’ll save tea for when he’s sick and on really chilly nights.

Ice Cream or Cake? Cake. His teeth are far too sensitive for ice cream unless it’s in the form of ice cream bars.

Fruits or Vegetables? he’ll consume fruit for days. hates green vegetables, only likes the colorful ones.

Sandwich or Soup? both. likes small sandwiches to dip into hot soup. gooood shit.

Magic or Melee? if he can use magic to fashion himself a guitar out of existance, he’s sure to win the battle through sonnets.

Sword or Bow? Why the violence? :c Why cant we all sing together? (he’s a bard at heart if it wasn't clear enough)

Summer or Winter? Summer is nice and warm; winter is numb and cold :c

Spring or Autumn? Spring! Though he does love the color changes that Autumn brings. Not so much the beginning of chilled air though.

The Past or The Future? Past? what past? there is not passst hahaha only the future with friends and new family :’) 

Donovan Ross

Alias: Donny, Don, D-man, Ross (school faculty)

Gender: Male

Race: Black

Nationality:  American

Age: 21 in AU; 47 in 2021

DOB: August 1st 1973

Species: Human

Zodiac: Leo; Ox (Chinese)

Abilities/Talents: 

Alignment: lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / neutral / evil / true

Religion: Christianity 

Sins: envy / greed / gluttony / lust / pride / sloth / wrath

Virtues: charity / chastity / diligence / humility/ justice / kindness / patience

Languages: English

Family: James Ross (Father); Roberta Wilson (Mother); Trixie Ross (Sister)

Friends: Trelane Powers; Donovan Ross; Elaina Heckathorne (Girlfriend)

Sexual Orientation: heterosexual / bisexual / pansexual / homosexual / demisexual / asexual / unsure / other

Relationship Status: single / dating / married / widowed / open relationship / divorced / not ready for dating / it’s complicated

Libido: sex god / very high / high / average / low / very low / non-existent

Build: twig / bony / slender / average / athletic / curvy / chubby / obese / stocky

Hair: white / blonde / brunette / red / black / other 

Eyes: brown / blue-gray / green / black / other

Skin: pale / fair (but tanned) / olive / light brown / brown / very brown / other

Height: 6'2" / ~188cm

Weight: 164lbs. / ~74kg

Scars:

Facial Features: baby fat all through childhood, then chiseled features with a square jaw in adult hood. Wide and slightly bulbous nose.

Tattoos: None

Dogs or Cats? Dogs, but only small or medium sized.

Birds or Nugs? uh, birds? the heck are nugs?

Snakes or Spiders? Neither!

Coffee or Tea? gotta be decafe, but either works

Ice Cream or Cake? why isnt pie an option? :c

Fruits or Vegetables? Veggies. He has to be careful w/ fruits cus he’s allergic to most citrus fruits and bananas.

Sandwich or Soup? A nice, big, fat sandwich to fill ‘er up B)

Magic or Melee? Magic. As big and athletic he seems, he’s more into using his brains than brawn.

Sword or Bow? Short sword if nothing else, maybe even a dagger as he can just pull it out quickly for some fast jabbing action.

Summer or Winter? despite being born in the dead of summer, he’s a wintery boy

Spring or Autumn? Autumn for the same reason as a lot of people. Loves the changes in both color and the air.

The Past or The Future? He always looks forward to a brighter future, but is fond of looking back on his past. He’s made some really good memories with the people he’s met. :) 

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[stainedglasscas]

4, 8, 12 & 10 for the discourse asks 💓

4) Meg!Sam or Lucifer!Sam?

Lucifer!Sam. Very compelling and heartbreaking in the sense that sam has always feared that there is something inherently evil within him and then he finds out that he is destined to be the body for the literal devil and yet he STILL fights it until he cant anymore. and also lucifer sam in the white suit was hot sorry not sorry. 

8) How should the afterlife have been “resolved”? Did the fixing of Heaven work?

okay this is a BIG question that i dont feel that i can fully address well but no i dont think the fixing of heaven really worked. i havent seen the finale so take my opinions about this with a grain of salt bc i am going off what ive read about it on here but like. sam and dean being stuck for eternity with their abusive father, their mother who they had a very complicated relationship with, without any of their other friends or loved ones (besides bobby) and never getting a chance to really live or break from their codependence just..does not seem like paradise to me. plus jack is god now and hes literally 3 which does not seem like a good thing for a variety of reasons. it could have been interesting if the way heaven was set up was framed as a bad thing within the show but its framed as a wonderful happy ending which it is not imo. 

For me the idea of heaven as it is in spn is weird cuz its basically just, a better version of your regular life (and not even THAT much better). Which sort of takes away the preciousness of being alive on Earth. I feel like heaven should, at the very least, be somewhere where you can reunite with ALL your dead loved ones, and it should be somehow different from real life in a way that makes real life significant. I dont know how exactly id set this up though, id need to think it over a lot more. 

12) Favorite season of Sam?

oh this is hard its between 2 and 4...the way sam is struggling this whole season to figure out why he is the way he is and never loses faith in good even when he loses faith in himself is just...i feel like houses of the holy is THEE thesis episode of how i feel about sam in this season. i dont know how else to put it into words. and season 4 sam is compelling becase A. bloodfreak hot demon gf time B. its about giving in to the monstrosity within yourself and hoping that some good can come out of it even if you are destroying yourself, even if you believe theres no hope for you anymore. 

10) What are your thoughts on Dean and Cas’s dynamic/its resolution?

i mean its pretty clear from my blog that i am a destiel person lmao. an angel strayig from heavens path as he falls in love with a very broken and flawed human man...that man learning to have faith agian, not in god but in that angel...literally whats not to love. that being said, it does bother me sometimes how dean treats cas. he really takes him for granted a lot of the time and i think if they were ever to get together dean should have to work on this. im sure cas also has flaws in how he treats dean but im a cas girl so i simply cant see them. (i mean lets be real, all of tfw would need months of therapy before ever being able to have a truly healthy relationship with anyone). 

 so obviously i fucking hated how they resolved their relationship. the confession was beautiful but the way they just completely ignored it, cut out a lot of deans reaction, tried to pretend it didn't happen, and also just completely cut cas out of the story after he died was not only bad writing in universe but also WILDLY homophobic oh my fucking god. it literally just does ot make sense for dean to be completely unaffected by the death of is best friend of 10+ years the way he was in the show, even if, for the sake of argument, he didnt love him back romantically. they really had 12 years of queerbating leading to the fastest bury yours gays i have ever seen. also some people think this is ridiculous but i think deans death was bury your gays. the writers knew that the only significant connection dean had besides sam was with cas and they knew if they had cas confess love they would have to address deans sexuality and feelings for cas in a whole new way and so they just killed him rather than even entertaining the possibility of him being queer. and thats fucked up

[firelxdykatara]

One thing I hate is when people claim that someone doesn’t deserve redemption what do they think it is redemption is simply someone who did bad things becoming a good person how is that some sort of gift that you can or cant deserve

I think, honestly, that this goes back to that really long post i recently wrote on redemption (which i should really make its own post and expand on at some point):

A  lot of the time, readers/viewers will wind up conflating redemption with forgiveness, and I think that is where a lot of the pushback against redemption for full-on villains comes from–if you can’t imagine circumstances under which the protagonists could believably forgive the  villain, then that means you probably don’t forgive them either, and that can color your views on whether or not they even can be redeemed, nevermind whether or not they should.

And, in fairness, this is something that happens a lot in media--a villain is redeemed, and so the protagonists automatically forgive them, whether or not that makes narrative sense for their character arcs, and often times the path to forgiveness is not considered separate enough to warrant its own storyline, when it really should, because redemption and forgiveness are not the same thing.

Whether or not any given person deserves forgiveness is deeply personal--because forgiveness is something freely given. You may be able to earn it, depending on the person and what you did to them and whether you are even capable of making up for it, but it can also be given without being earned, because it is entirely a choice on the part of the forgiver, not the person who needs to be forgiven. It’s a deeply complicated and individual choice--for example, every member of the gaang except Katara had forgiven Zuko for his bad actions prior to The Southern Raiders, and while he was confused as to why (and went out of his way to find out, and then do what he could to help her with no expectation of a reward, as he was genuinely surprised when she chose to forgive him), she isn’t actually narratively painted as bad or wrong for taking longer than the others to trust him. He has to work to earn her forgiveness--but, notably, he had already redeemed himself. He’d made the choice to change his behavior, and by the time he met the gaang, his redemption was actually complete (so long as he maintained his changed behavior regardless of whether or not he was immediately accepted by those he harmed, which he did). It was his place within the gaang that was not yet assured, and his relationships with the others that needed to be forged, but his actual redemption was the moment he finally chose to reject his father’s worldviews and leave the Fire Nation to help the avatar defeat them for the good of the world.

Redemption, on the other hand, is something the person who needs to be redeemed has to work for, regardless of whether or not the have anyone who believes in them or is willing to forgive them. Someone can be redeemed without ever being forgiven by the people they’ve hurt--and anyone is capable of redemption, that is Changed Behavior, unless they’re some sort of eldritch abomination or embodiment of evil and never even had the capacity for good to begin with. (Which, as I’ve said, doesn’t make for particularly compelling villains. There’s a reason Zuko’s Agni Kai against Azula is often cited as the show’s true climax, rather than Aang’s battle with Ozai. Azula was a more compelling villain, and more of the audience was invested in the outcome of her battle with her brother, rather than the fairly generic Good vs Evil battle taking place that was already, ultimately, a foregone conclusion.)

So, in the end, I think the question of whether or not a character deserves redemption is a bit silly--because redemption isn’t something anyone else can give them, so it’s a bit like asking whether they deserve to walk down the street. You can talk for days about whether or not a given redemptive narrative was earned, but that’s less to do with ‘did this character do too much to come back from’ (which may be a yes, but only in the sense that, narratively, their sudden decision to change made no sense) and more about ‘was this character’s decision to change their behavior written well, and was that emotional catharsis earned’. Even if characters don’t deserve forgiveness (even if they are never forgiven by the protagonists!), they can still be redeemed--anyone can change their behavior at any point and choose to do good things rather than bad. It’s just a question of making that change make sense in the story.