#haters be saying Dream never knew his dad... so he got himself one ;)

[zu-is-here]

frolic

[shitsngiggles666]

I am not one to use social media, but this whole sh*t show is something I will not take sitting down. I’ve seen some messed up things on the internet, but the cyberbullying by the “Camily” is really disturbing me. Before I get to my criticisms and thoughts, I will briefly address Luke Deacon. The allegations against him are not without evidence, namely from a public social media account. One of these allegations is very serious, and can be considered “revenge p*rn which can actually lead to charges in the UK. I’m not sure if it’s the same in the UK, but in my country Luke can be legally labeled as a sex offender if convicted! This is all I know of the situation but since many of Luke’s fans are underage girls who are also fans of Queen and the Bohemian Rhapsody movie I don’t feel this issue can be totally ignored. I consider Luke “innocent until proven guilty”, as I am an inhabitant of Freedom Land. The first issue I will address is both of Cam’s parents, as I want to discuss them before the “Camily” as they’re not directly involved with the cyber bullying, at least to my knowledge. I admit that I have never met John or Veronica Deacon. I have no knowledge of the intimate details of their family life, and their parenting skills. I do have a fair amount of knowledge of John‘s time with Queen as he is my favorite surviving member of Queen. I find researching his life and trying to understand someone who seems an overlooked and complex figure in music. Yes, John is Cam’s father and to me he’s an interest, a subject I enjoy learning and trying to understand him like I do with other things I’m interested in. Meanwhile, to Cameron he is “dad”. I understand that it must be hard seeing people on the internet either make untrue statements or discuss aspects of one’s father that isn’t flattering. I get it, But Leopard (my nickname for the victim) made it clear when replying to asks that she doesn’t know things and addressed when discussions involved speculation or rumors. She also made it very clear that she didn’t like discussing John’s competence as a father and his children. These subjects made her uncomfortable but she still addressed them in a respectful way. John Deacon was a part of one of the biggest bands in the world. People are going to discuss him. Leopard didn’t do anything wrong. She admitted that John Deacon had flaws but was still sure to admit that she doesn’t know the whole story. I think her attitude is reasonable. I saw the stream the night Cam’s parents came on stream. At first I saw it quite humorous with a boomer bumbling in, ignoring his surroundings. He almost seemed senile. But as the stream went on things got uncomfortable and my attitude changed. Cam’s parents were doing the right thing as loving parents. They came over because Cam has a history of not managing his diabetes properly. His father (his mother explained) was becoming worried about his son’s glucose levels and tried to contact him. When he wouldn’t pick up his phone his father became worried and the two went over. Cameron was peeved and rude to them. I don’t think John cared about if people on the internet saw him. He was too focused on making sure his son wasn’t in danger and that his phone was charged. He only left when he knew his son’s levels weren’t too low and his phone was charging. He even mentioned off screen that he brought some treats (I have no idea what he said, and if it was a favorite sweet or what) from the store. I’m just making an observation of a stranger peeking in, but I think it’s clear John adores his son. Maybe the scant bit of interaction I observed of John Deacon as a person (instead of Queen’s bassist) was of a devoted father who was telling his adult son “I love you, I want you to be happy and I will be devastated if anything happened to you” without saying it verbally. People have different ways of showing their love. I know (per interviews with John) he experienced loss at a very young age when his father passed away. I don’t know John’s personal thoughts and relationship with Freddie Mercury and how his death affected him personally, but watching someone’s health decline due to AIDS is probably an upsetting and unforgettable experience. I bring these two examples up because this to me suggests Cam’s dad knows first hand how delicate and precious life is, wisdom that Cam seems blissfully unaware of due to his disregard of his parents’ anxiety. Cam obviously knows his father better than I can ever, but sometimes it’s good to have a different perspective. On to Mama Deacon. Yes, she was shouting at her adult son while he was live on stream. Like Cam’s father, she was completely in the right. When she said they were making sure Cam “wasn’t dead” and that Cam’s life was at stake, she was not being overly dramatic. If a diabetic’s blood sugar is too low their body can actually go into shock and than into a coma. If one doesn’t manage their diabetes this can happen and it can kill you. Diabetes is a life threatening condition. I’m not a diabetic, and I’m sure it sucks and isn’t easy to manage. Cameron is an adult at 27. His parents will not always be around to help him. If he wants to live by himself his priority should be learning to manage his diabetes without his parents’ help. His life literally depends on it. His glucose levels is far more important than his streaming career. Until he proves he can consistently manage himself to them his glucose levels are their business. Additionally, since they pay for his flat it’s technically their’s and thus can come over when ever they want. If anyone was being “inappropriate” it was Cam. His mother carried him for nine months, at age 43. For a woman her age, pregnancy can be risky and very hard on her body. She has cared for her son’s health issues, helped him through school and has loved him unconditionally. She seems to have done everything she can to protect Cam and pushed him to be the best person he can be. And this is only what I’m aware of. At her age, she should only leave her home when completely necessary to protect herself from Covid-19, for she is in the age group most at risk. Her son wouldn’t even leave his chair to greet her. Do you know how my parents would react to me if I acted the way Cam did Sunday? Most people can only dream about the privileges Cam has. Again, I don’t know everything about Cam’s life but what I saw was a mother and father trying to do what is best for their son. If Cam is so concerned about his parents’ privacy, why didn’t he turn off his stream? He could’ve even walked off to talk to his parents rather than continuing to play and yelling at them from his chair? This whole situation can be solved simply by Cam answering his phone, keeping it charged or even walking off camera to talk to his parents rather than barking orders from his screen. As I said earlier, to them their son seems more important to them rather than their privacy. Cam makes such a big deal over their privacy but I think he also has to respect his parents’ feelings and all that they do for him. Part of respecting them should include making a better effort to take care of himself. Five hours without food excepting a bowl of cereal could give me low blood sugar to the point of trembling and not being able to concentrate. Since Cam did just that, maybe his parents’ concern of his blood sugar is not without merit. Cam mentions his mental health issues and depression. One of the ways to help stabilize his mood would be stabilizing his blood sugar. The Camily should consider my words as they criticized Cam’s parents’ behavior. I have addressed the Mama and Papa elephant in the room, I will now focus mainly on Cam’s “Camily”. Due to time restraints, I will address the Camily in a later post. In the mean time, there is a difference between “haters” and critics. A hater says things simply to hurt or insult. A critic disagrees for a reason. If anyone thinks I’m a hater that needs to be “bunny blocked” go right ahead. I don’t care what strangers, many of them children think of me. I think bunnies are cute. Send me bunny emojis if you all think I’m spreading hate. This will only lend more evidence that the Camily is leading an internet harassment campaign. BTW I have been owned by pet rabbits since I was seven. Let me tell you, Mr. Bunny is unhappy to know his good name and image is being used as a symbol to bully. No, I am not jealous of Cam. I am proud of my family and wouldn’t trade them for any other. My dad has a profession I consider noble and was the one who raised me. The same goes for my mother. My extended and nuclear family includes firemen, a priest, nurses, teachers, librarians, a researcher studying cancer, a lawyer and engineers. None are famous but I don’t care. They are good people and it doesn’t matter how much the public knows about them or how much they earn. What matters to me is that they work hard and have a strong moral character. If you do wish to harass me, I ask of one thing. Show my post to Cameron Deacon and have him read my post (and any later ones I hope to soon put up) on his Livestream. If Cameron thinks I’m being a bully or am wrong about anything, please have him show this to his parents, the two people who love him more than anyone else does. If they think I’m wrong about anything or am bullying their son, have them PM me so we can discuss. Do not bully anyone who posts or likes this.

[thornsofdeath]

phf rants

as i’ve made clear im rlly impacted by this book. dont mind my lowkey venting

damn this is long

mista's coldness towards fugo / the stadium scene as a whole

it really really hurt me to see mista treating fugo, his old partner, his old friend like a dangerous enemy. i know he had his valid reasoning, but that very specific kind of angst shatters me. mista had his gun pointed at fugo for the entire stadium scene, not wavering for even a second. the worst part? it seemed like mista was trying to purposefully incite fugo to snap by right out insulting him and his stand, saying he was glad when fugo didn’t get on the boat. it seemed like he was egging fugo on just so he had an excuse to kill him, to get one more thing off his list of concerns. fugo as a person meant nothing at all to mista. when mista said “kill these traitors, or we’ll kill you” i wanted to cry. mista goes on about hoe fugo is a massive threat because purple haze is unhinged and can wipe out the enitre population if he wanted. fugo politely corrects him, as PH only has 6 capsules and can only attack 6 times in a day. did i see myself in that scene and feel fugo’s pain of just wanting to be left alone and not have to think about the past or the future, silent and melancholic during intervention and just feeling like the only way out is to kms right then and there? thats a secret ill never tell.  phf makes me smad.

there were some little details in purple haze feedback that got me thinking as well. in the 6 months between fugo’s leave and his cold reuniting with mista, fugo was playing piano at a bar. Most of the people who bring this up refer to it as just some cool trick he could get because he’s a rich kid. he is not. in flashbacks, it’s shown that bruno only knows how to cope with distress by isolating himself and bottling everything up. god, did i feel that. sheila e’s life goal was to kill illuso (to avenge her sister) and swore her life to giorno after finding out he killed him, it’s ironic though because in reality fugo had killed him, and in the first part of the book, they weren’t exactly friends. 

another part that really just made me wanna sob and bash my head into a wall was seeing fugo’s pure self hatred. since he was a child, he had it drilled into his head that if he couldnt produce results, he was worthless. after being disowned and thrown into jail with no future, he was completely hopeless. even after bruno came and took him in, he was never free of his liabilities. no matter what he did, he couldnt help seeing himself as some monster, failure, and burden. (kinnie moment) it worsened when he had to abandon bruno’s gang, his only saving grace was bruno, his light, hope, and acceptance. now he was stripped of that, gripped in fear knowing too well that betraying passione would end horribly. deep in his heart he wanted so badly to join them, to join his found family, but the logic he had drilled into his own head of knowing that betrayal was foolish and futile wouldnt let him have his way. hes back on the streets, just like how he was (or wouldve been after getting out of jail) after being disowned. he got a piano gig at a bar, and let himself wallow in grief and depression for 6 months. throughout the events pf PHF, we still see him clinging to memories and trauma. they say “what you let consume you will define you”, and i couldnt begin to describe it any better. putting all of the guilt and blame on his own shoulders, feeling he deserved it all and more. 

either i wasnt paying enough attention (this bitch got some rereading to do) or the purple haze distortion scene was kinda underwhelming. his character arc felt kinda rushed, like most of the book was establishing his bad state and constant flashbacks, and then all of a sudden he has confidence in his abilities and believes in himself. of course, im overjoyed he did get growth, and had a happy ending (depends on how you interpret it). stan fugio

vittorio’s fascination with pain really got me feelin. hgghhhhhhhh hh hnnhhhhh. he describes it well, wanting to feel his life force/energy in the form of pain so that he didnt ‘go extinct’, and the writing of it just saying straight up ‘cutting himself’ ‘hurting himself’ ‘self harming’ made my skin crawl. as someone who suffers with shit like that its both painful and relieving to know a character who has similar habits, whether it’s for the purpose of activating his stand or just to cope. 

2 times in phf, fugo does some kind of suicide attack. of course, he survives both. it’s never made clear whether or not he intended to die/didnt mind dying as it was a way of accomplishing his mission, but either way it got me heavy breathing. the last one especially, when he bites a virus capsule to kill volpe. did he know he’d grown and purple haze would miraculously save him with his own genius plan, or was he going out with a bang? luckily for me it wasnt really gone over like ‘hey you couldve died from that are you doing ok mentally’ or else i mightve felt nauseous reading it. im all for angst, but idk how much more i can take when its day 87 of quarantine and im numb as fuck just waiting to break down. 

angelica’s stand night bird flying (is probably not that complicated im just fuckin dumb) made fugo and everyone else hallucinate/dream. in fugo’s dream, it was pretty much an ideal au.  he was permitted to see his grandma when she was near death (preventing the professor scene), met bruno (fisher boy with fisher dad) on a boat and they became friends, nara went back to school and was doing good overall, abba remained a cop but didnt do any bad things, the whole group was all just good friends having a fun time. god i would licherally sell my body and soul for them all to be happy like that and all live. 

the concept of abandonment also messed me up, just the feeling that everyone say fugo as someone who abandoned the group in their hour of need out of selfishness made me wanna cry angry sad depression tears. hes a good man! let him be ok and happy i will fight all fugo haters no cap

every time i think back to the fugio restaurant scene i just. idk man it hurts me. the pessimistic bitch in me says that it would be unrequited and fugo would only be more sad because even through his efforts, he’s just another pawn working for giorno. on the other hand, it makes me soft n giddy because?? omyfucking god giorno asks fugo to call him giogio when NOBODY ELSE IN THE BOOK had referred to him as that. the fuckin “if grief anchors your feet, let me share it” part makes me wanna jusyt. complete my kin transformation into fugo and be a sobbin g  shaking mess in his arms as he tells me its all gonna be ok. was that a vent? absolutely. anyways, its pretty damn special for the don of the mafia to invite you to breakfast at a fancy restaurant before the place opens and its just the two of you. giorno fixes fugo’s injuries and tells him that he’s proud of his growth, and that he knew fugo could do it. dude?????? if i didnt already know i was a lonely affection/affirmation/attention starved bitch that wouldve done it for me.

holy fuck that was longer than i expected it to be. i do feel better tho

[savedfromsalvation]

Murder in the Bible

The act of murder is rampant in the Bible.  In much of the Bible, especially the Old Testament, there are laws that command that people be killed for absurd reasons such as working on the Sabbath, being gay, cursing your parents, or not being a virgin on your wedding night.  In addition to these crazy and immoral laws, there are plenty of examples of God’s irrationality by his direct killing of many people for reasons that defy any rational explanation such as killing children who make fun of bald people, and the killing of a man who tried to keep the ark of God from falling during transport.  There are also countless examples of mass murders commanded by God, including the murder of women, infants, and children.

The following passages are a very small percentage of the total passages approving of murder in the Bible.  They are divided here into three parts: 1) Capital Punishment Crimes, 2) God’s Murders for Stupid Reasons, 3) Murdering Children, and 4) Miscellaneous Murders.  This list is long, but it barely scratches the surface of all the murders approved of in the Bible.

1) Capital Punishment Crimes:

Kill People Who Don’t Listen to Priests

Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death.  Such evil must be purged from Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:12 NLT)

Kill Witches

You should not let a sorceress live. (Exodus 22:17 NAB)

Kill Homosexuals

“If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives.” (Leviticus 20:13 NAB)

Kill Fortunetellers

A man or a woman who acts as a medium or fortuneteller shall be put to death by stoning; they have no one but themselves to blame for their death. (Leviticus 20:27 NAB)

Death for Hitting Dad

Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death. (Exodus 21:15 NAB)

Death for Cursing Parents

1) If one curses his father or mother, his lamp will go out at the coming of darkness. (Proverbs 20:20 NAB)

2) All who curse their father or mother must be put to death.  They are guilty of a capital offense. (Leviticus 20:9 NLT)

Death for Adultery

If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife, both the man and the woman must be put to death. (Leviticus 20:10 NLT)

Death for Fornication

A priest’s daughter who loses her honor by committing fornication and thereby dishonors her father also, shall be burned to death. (Leviticus 21:9 NAB)

Death to Followers of Other Religions

Whoever sacrifices to any god, except the Lord alone, shall be doomed. (Exodus 22:19 NAB)

Kill Nonbelievers

They entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul; and everyone who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, was to be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. (2 Chronicles 15:12-13 NAB)

Kill False Prophets

If a man still prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall say to him, “You shall not live, because you have spoken a lie in the name of the Lord.”  When he prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall thrust him through. (Zechariah 13:3 NAB)

Kill the Entire Town if One Person Worships Another God

Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods.  In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully.  If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock.  Then you must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it.  Put the entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the LORD your God.  That town must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt.  Keep none of the plunder that has been set apart for destruction.  Then the LORD will turn from his fierce anger and be merciful to you.  He will have compassion on you and make you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors.  “The LORD your God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving you today, doing what is pleasing to him.” (Deuteronomy 13:13-19 NLT)

Kill Women Who Are Not Virgins On Their Wedding Night

But if this charge is true (that she wasn’t a virgin on her wedding night), and evidence of the girls virginity is not found, they shall bring the girl to the entrance of her fathers house and there her townsman shall stone her to death, because she committed a crime against Israel by her unchasteness in her father’s house.  Thus shall you purge the evil from your midst. (Deuteronomy  22:20-21 NAB)

Kill Followers of Other Religions.

1) If your own full brother, or your son or daughter, or your beloved wife, or you intimate friend, entices you secretly to serve other gods, whom you and your fathers have not known, gods of any other nations, near at hand or far away, from one end of the earth to the other: do not yield to him or listen to him, nor look with pity upon him, to spare or shield him, but kill him.  Your hand shall be the first raised to slay him; the rest of the people shall join in with you.  You shall stone him to death, because he sought to lead you astray from the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery.  And all Israel, hearing of this, shall fear and never do such evil as this in your midst. (Deuteronomy 13:7-12 NAB)

2) Suppose a man or woman among you, in one of your towns that the LORD your God is giving you, has done evil in the sight of the LORD your God and has violated the covenant by serving other gods or by worshiping the sun, the moon, or any of the forces of heaven, which I have strictly forbidden.  When you hear about it, investigate the matter thoroughly. If it is true that this detestable thing has been done in Israel, then that man or woman must be taken to the gates of the town and stoned to death. (Deuteronomy 17:2-5 NLT)

Death for Blasphemy

One day a man who had an Israelite mother and an Egyptian father got into a fight with one of the Israelite men.  During the fight, this son of an Israelite woman blasphemed the LORD’s name.  So the man was brought to Moses for judgment.  His mother’s name was Shelomith. She was the daughter of Dibri of the tribe of Dan.  They put the man in custody until the LORD’s will in the matter should become clear.  Then the LORD said to Moses, “Take the blasphemer outside the camp, and tell all those who heard him to lay their hands on his head.  Then let the entire community stone him to death.  Say to the people of Israel: Those who blaspheme God will suffer the consequences of their guilt and be punished.  Anyone who blasphemes the LORD’s name must be stoned to death by the whole community of Israel.  Any Israelite or foreigner among you who blasphemes the LORD’s name will surely die. (Leviticus 24:10-16 NLT)

Kill False Prophets

1) Suppose there are prophets among you, or those who have dreams about the future, and they promise you signs or miracles,  and the predicted signs or miracles take place.  If the prophets then say, ‘Come, let us worship the gods of foreign nations,’ do not listen to them.  The LORD your God is testing you to see if you love him with all your heart and soul.  Serve only the LORD your God and fear him alone.  Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him.  The false prophets or dreamers who try to lead you astray must be put to death, for they encourage rebellion against the LORD your God, who brought you out of slavery in the land of Egypt.  Since they try to keep you from following the LORD your God, you must execute them to remove the evil from among you. (Deuteronomy 13:1-5 NLT)

2) But any prophet who claims to give a message from another god or who falsely claims to speak for me must die.’  You may wonder, ‘How will we know whether the prophecy is from the LORD or not?’  If the prophet predicts something in the LORD’s name and it does not happen, the LORD did not give the message.  That prophet has spoken on his own and need not be feared. (Deuteronomy 18:20-22 NLT)

Infidels and Gays Should Die

So God let them go ahead and do whatever shameful things their hearts desired.  As a result, they did vile and degrading things with each other’s bodies.  Instead of believing what they knew was the truth about God, they deliberately chose to believe lies.  So they worshiped the things God made but not the Creator himself, who is to be praised forever.  Amen.  That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires.  Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other.  And the men, instead of having normal sexual relationships with women, burned with lust for each other.  Men did shameful things with other men and, as a result, suffered within themselves the penalty they so richly deserved.  When they refused to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their evil minds and let them do things that should never be done.  Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, fighting, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip.  They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful.  They are forever inventing new ways of sinning and are disobedient to their parents.  They refuse to understand, break their promises, and are heartless and unforgiving.  They are fully aware of God’s death penalty for those who do these things, yet they go right ahead and do them anyway.  And, worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too. (Romans 1:24-32 NLT)

Kill Anyone who Approaches the Tabernacle

For the LORD had said to Moses, ‘Exempt the tribe of Levi from the census; do not include them when you count the rest of the Israelites.  You must put the Levites in charge of the Tabernacle of the Covenant, along with its furnishings and equipment.  They must carry the Tabernacle and its equipment as you travel, and they must care for it and camp around it.  Whenever the Tabernacle is moved, the Levites will take it down and set it up again.  Anyone else who goes too near the Tabernacle will be executed.’ (Numbers 1:48-51 NLT)

Kill People for Working on the Sabbath

The LORD then gave these further instructions to Moses: ‘Tell the people of Israel to keep my Sabbath day, for the Sabbath is a sign of the covenant between me and you forever.  It helps you to remember that I am the LORD, who makes you holy.  Yes, keep the Sabbath day, for it is holy.  Anyone who desecrates it must die; anyone who works on that day will be cut off from the community.  Work six days only, but the seventh day must be a day of total rest.  I repeat: Because the LORD considers it a holy day, anyone who works on the Sabbath must be put to death.’ (Exodus 31:12-15 NLT)

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x10 Commentary

Zeta and Giuls scream together, and then die.

Me & Zeta will watch together season 14′s episodes as they come out and we’ll do our commentary while watching.

1 2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9

14x10 Nihilism 

-I did not want to see Jack like that again thanks

Zeta: true

- And there was a need for some wings there honestly .

[ comes back crawling]

HERE

Zeta:  the bar sceeeene

-.....THAT’S A DAMN SQUIRREL WITH A AVIATOR CAP ON ( also I re wrote squirrel four times before getting it right) 

- MOOSE!!! 

-......The Moose has a tag with “FAMILY BUSINESS” written on it----lol Jensen

Zeta: What’s her name

- PAMELAAAAAAAA . Damn woman I went a bit Bi there

Zeta: OH YES.

- [Music: and I’m searching for a rainbow] .....WOW

-[on the counter] Daphne loves Fred.

 my monkey dirty brain: Daddy loves tips. 

-hot. want that.

Zeta: the tequila or the bartender?

Bitch please . both.

- D: “ What are we, savages?”

Zeta: Oh the lips

-Cosmic Cowboy. *chokes*

-FB

-why is it always a ghoul case?

-Lol but who’s the drunk guy tho

Zeta: Bitch, look at her biceps

- some Bi slippage there too I see. FOCUS

Zeta: also indeed. Who is he?

-D:”I’ve never had anything this nice”

Also....I would be like Dean if I had a bar. One for the costumer and one for me! woohoo .

- D: “How come you always have a boyfriend?”

  P: “How come you always want what you can’t have?”

[looks into the camera like in the office]

- D: “This is my dream” 

I kinda see it tho....old grumpy Dean Winchester being the Bobby while running a bar like that. Yes....I like it.

- I knew it . I wanna see someone closed behind that “closet” *wink wink*

Zeta: Oh oh

Zeta: the slo mo.

-NICE .You are welcome for this gif where I let you enjoy the full over the count jump. Nice healthy middle age man over the fence jump ( nevermind this is an italian oil ad ).

-The blood. So cute

Zeta: I’m famous

- mmm

Zeta: shit

-Hello M boi, I missed you fam

Zeta: Changed clothes

- OMFG are you saying that the Archangel Michael macVanity von DramaQueen really just angel mojo changed into his Peaky Blinder wanna be in front of them?

He’s so flamboyant , I love him .

Zeta: The close up

- M making three men kneel with so much as lift his hands.  WHAT A MOOD. WHERE CAN I GET THAT? I WANT 10.

- M : “ I saw everything”  Yeah no shit we kinda see that coming too

-DoN ‘T IntERrUPt mE 

Zeta: Don’t interrupt me

-I’m-

I’m so bothered right now. Dom Michael for the win

-OH WOW

- Sam just “assbutted” Michael lol.

Castiel : Sam....did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?

Sam: uh ....No?

- HE ANGRY

- Dean’s not home right now...

Zeta: Please leave a message

*giggling* I love him

Zeta: His voice GOD DAMN

-yes

- Castiel hair tho.

Zeta: Do you? Cocky much

-but needs to play it cool. Can’t risk to mess up the pomaded hair.

- S:” We the angel cuffs on , Michael is under control”

 M: “Keep telling yourself that “  ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

I *clap* LOVE *clap* HIM *clap*

- S: “Dump him in the trunk of the Impala” ... DUMP HIM .ahahahahaah

-Garth is in the trunk

Zeta: it’s a big trunk

-M: “ It’s a party!”

- J: “ It’s not like any of us can fly”

 M : “ Well one of us can”

 S: “ STFU”

- J:” Sam, are we gonna die here?” ... wow Jack...babe...stfu

-Yes OMG I forgot about the stalky reaper

Zeta: You mess up so many things

- it ain’t wrong

- [in john Mulaney’s Trump voice] we locked Death away and enslaved the reapers

Zeta: Poor Cas

- ok but WHO....death? Michael is asking himself that too.

-Yes , put him in the dungeon. HOT

Zeta: shit

-I can hear you

Zeta: Shit

-Ahahahahahaahah

Zeta: SHIT

-I’m loving this

Zeta: Bring back Crowley.

Zeta: We left Garth in the trunk looool

- that....everytime we don’t see a character for long that’s it...they are in the trunk.

Zeta: Castiel

-CASTIEL . so strange, I love him, he’s such a sarcastic asshole.

- M: “Yes, uh, put a chair against the door”

Zeta: This pretty smile as I rip you apart

-I’M SHAKING. YAS.

Zeta: Control yourself

- S: “Cass this is all we’ve got”

Zeta: Again?

- well it is a loop.

-MORE SHOTS.  (me)

Zeta: The only thing missing is “heat of the moment”

- what if the woman is his conscience trying to get him out and if he sign he’s out? ...like....testing his resolution?

-Little insulting

Zeta: you’re nothing

Zeta: Why is he so perfect in this?

- J: “Dean---is strong”

  M *disgusted face*: “ Is a gnat “ . WOW

-OH SHUT UP OOOOH

Zeta: Emotional abuse.

- M: “ he was not happy, but he didn’t care-- Cause you are not Sam, you are not Cass.” 

[ me looking smiling to the Castiel/Misha hateclub]

-M: “You are a weak helpless thing”

- Jack , babe ....get away tho 

Zeta: LISTEN TO YOUR DAD

- M: “no I’m not and I can still hear you”

Zeta: Prick

- Love that prick..... literally 

- I care so little for the others I swear

- M: “Look at you, play nursemaind for a nephilim”

-C: “You are confusing loyalty and compassion for weakness”

Zeta: Damn what am I watching?

- [looks into the camera like in the office] Sexual tension

Zeta: so done. this. Close up

- M “and now...that I’m in here, I know why” 

-CHUCK

Zeta: He churn our draft after draft

- M speaks like he’s singing and mocking you at the same time. He has this musicality in his speak and I love it

- C: “Why would he do that?”

 M: “BECAUSE HE DOESN’T CARE!”

- good lord I swear all the angels are just brats throwing temper tantrum because they have a trash dad.

- M: “But now , I just want to burn every one of his little worlds until I catch up to the Old man”

Zeta: Even god can die.

- oh ok....overachiever much

Zeta: Hurt Jack

- No no Jack babe...keep your fucking soul .

Zeta: Cool science project

- Michael’s mind: if you mess up my perfectly combed hair Cass I swear-

- M: “ I give it a solid B- .....uh oooh”

 me nervously: .....wtf lol 

- M: *snorts* Oh Cass, I believe in you.

So rude...so nasty 

- j: “ What should I do?”

Zeta: Pray

-Thanks Cas, that’s-......that’s great

Zeta: You are all mine

- ..... YESSIR TAKE ME

Zeta: Dean’s mind.

- ..... if it was a funny episode they could have made so many jokes about being empty lol.

- me looking around haters mind ^

Zeta: This is what you are gonna become

-omg

- THAT WAS DEAN IN HELL.

- Dean’ “NOOOO “ at Castiel death is vibrating into my bones.

- S: “Dean is strong”

- C: “Sam, we’ve been through a lot and Dean is more than strong”

- S: “Dean thrive on trauma.” 

WE’VE BEEN KNEW

Zeta: Smart moose

- Somebody has been reading some meta tumblr posts

- P: “You really know how to talk to a lady don’t you?”

 me already at Castiel’s feet : wha

- That’s us fans watching 14 seasons of supernatural ^

-Bloody Cass is 100. *licks lips*

- P: “get me a shot. With your braaaain”

Zeta: Well hello.

- C:” That was- that....DeAN ThAt WaS An ACcidENT”

Zeta: Babyyyy

- them baby faces

- C:” WE NEED YOU TO COME BACK”

- S:”POUGHKEEPSIE”

- Dean’s mind : [ old modem sounds]

-M [Slow clap it out.] : Hey Fellas

-AND THE HAT IS BACK

Zeta: I’m you

Zeta: He gripped you tight and raised you from perdition

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH I’M DYING SO BAD.

-BITCH I’M DEAD AND GIGGLING I CAN’T.

-but also....but the fuck is Mary at?... like wow.

- also....everything that Micheal is saying right now is causing me actual fucking pain.

- Ok and both Sam and Cas faces? well thanks

Zeta: He’s buying time

-WOW. Slow smile, oooooH

-S: “So in here, you are all talk”

- oh that’s why he doesn’t use his powers. Serviceable .

Zeta: So happy. Fuck

Zeta: Prove it

- Um...yes hello 911? 

Michael getting his hands dirty is too hot for me.

-Fucking Tiger man.

-Come on baby 

Zeta: Jack will do something “stupid”

- Well he is his parents’ son *shrug*

Zeta: that

- D:” Then we don’t kick him out, we keep him in”

-oooooh M goes in the closet, lol

Zeta: Oh my god.

- ....Well that was stupid AHAHAHAAH 

- I can’t stop laughing .

- M [ROAR] 

  me: ....

Zeta: I’m the cage.

-HE IS THE CAGE. That doesn’t seem right tho...come on.

Zeta: So now Dean has Michael locked up

-ooooh the magic hurt him. Forgot about that. My baby.

Zeta: Concerned Dad.

- The way Cass say : “you understand?” killed me....so soft...so worried...

- The little smile! Kill me now.

Zeta: He’s not ok.

-Dean is not ok.

Zeta: [henley alert]

-He’s like....naked. ( still has another tshirt under it tho)

-Oh he’s mad 

- I’M CRYING . HE LOOKS LIKE MY CAT WHEN I REFUSE TO LET HIM OUT .

amazing.

( Sorry for the not that clear gifs but I wanted to cut and past all the bits of that because it’s amazing)

Zeta: He’s suffering so much.

-That troat

- That door is not that sturdy tho

Zeta: Oh hell no

- oh hello death . 

-Aw hell naw.

- Death :” Except one”

-AW HELL NAW

Zeta: Which one?

- UGH

Zeta: No

-NO

Zeta: NOOO so much hurt

-OH FUCK

Zeta: Actual literal pain in my chest

YA KNOW WHAT?....I DON’T LIKE THAT LOOK .

NOT ONE BIT.

.

- lol I don’t even wanna look at tumblr now

Zeta: well you know me....I have

- of course you did

post gifs comment: I didn’t do my crack gifs for now, but they will be done in a separate post.

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If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @supernatural-teamfreewillpage  @destiel-honeypie   @mariekoukie6661   @dragontamerm    @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat   @bunnybaby121115  @aliaitee @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc

[idontneednofuckinhug]

My 2018 Top 15 albums of the year

2018 was a stupidly productive year in terms of music, the last time there was this much quantity and quality of great projects and artists was probably the early 2010s when a lot of the current crop of big names were only just making a name for themselves. As a wannabe music critic I figured I'd enjoy writing and sharing the albums I've enjoyed the most this year - when I started making the list I realized exactly how much dope projects there were this year and how hard would it be for me to rank anything outside of my top 5, as I knew that was my top 5 before I even started making the list, but everything else was a nightmare. A lot of great projects, from some notable artists at that, were left out and honestly people would probably throw shit at me for some of the inclusions in my list. It's a list with a lot of musical styles and with a mix of proven artists and artists only just starting to make a name for themselves. Without further ado, let's start this list - I'll keep it brief for every album, whilst still trying to give the exact reason why I loved it.

15. J. Cole - KOD Never in my life did I think I'd rate a J. Cole album as one of my favourites of the year, I always called him a corny, fake-woke nigga who I just couldn't enjoy, because of wack bars like "You can't outfart me". Well, I was proven wrong, this year the guy made a complete 180 in the rap industry and proved people like me wrong. The project included a lot of trap beats, something completely new for him and was kept very minimalistic in terms of lyrics, whilst still making a great point and making comments on social issues, especially on songs like ATM and Kevin's Heart, discussing the curse that is money and how hard it is to be faithful nowadays. Genre: Conscious trap/Conscious rap.

14. Kali Uchis - Isolation Although she's been around for a bit, Kali Uchis's music still sounds very raw and she's still trying to find her sound in my opinion - and that's what I love about her. Isolation isn't an album you can put a label on - from Spanish pop, to RnB, to neo soul and even some hip-hop and funk, this album has everything and it's beautiful. Kali shows off her sexiness, whilst at the same time she sings about still being young and unsure about where she's going in her life, and about some of the decisions she wished she didn't do. The album is beautiful from start to finish, and although there are some blips ( I honestly didn't like the song with Gorillaz too much), I absolutely loved the passion and energy in this project. Genre: Pop/Rap/Funk/Neo Soul/ RnB/ Folk?

13. Sylvan LaCue - Apologies in Advance Probably a bit forgotten by most people since it was released on the 12th of January and because Sylvan is still relatively underground, AA is a very deep and emotional project, complemented by very jazzy and mellow production. Sylvan made an amazing concept album, showcasing the emotions you'd feel in an AA(Anonymous Alcoholics meeting), even adding 12 interludes for each step you have to take in such a meeting. The album promotes opening up about your inner demons and self-love and honestly I can't get enough of it even a year later. Genre: Jazz rap

12. Sons of Kemet - Your Queen is a Reptile An album I only just found out about, but one of my favourite jazz projects of all time after listening to it tens of times in the last week. Sons of Kemet don't seem to wear any influences on this album and have a completely unique and avant-garde sound which reflects on the album as a whole. Some parts are very mellow and traditionally jazzy and out of nowhere the song just picks up speed and starts adding tradionally african sounds, creating the feeling that you're back in the 19th century, hearing the immigrants from Africa playing their instruments. Each song represents a strong black woman from history and the album has lyrics discussing black plight. Genre: Avant-garde jazz/ Experimental jazz

11. Earl Sweatshirt - Some Rap Songs It's been a really hard year for Earl. His dad died and he never managed to amend their relationship, which was the original plan for SRS. I was very used to the typical Earl sound from the early to mid 2010s, mellow beats with very dark lyrics, with him changing flows up and making the english language his bitch. Nope. This album showcased a completely new Earl, with beats you'd never think he'd use but when you listen to him, you still know it's Earl with his crazy rhyme patterns and disgusting wordplay. The album feels like an acid trip from start to finish and my favourite Odd Future member manages to open up about his inner demons once again, and once again doing it amazingly. Genre: Hip-hop

10. KIDS SEE GHOSTS - Kids see Ghosts Out of nowhere, Kanye and Kid Cudi dropped a collab project, part of Kanye's five-drop in May and June. I wasn't expecting much as Cudi had disappointed me with his last few projects and I didn't really feel Kanye's "ye" too much. I was wrong. This album was amazing. Two people struggling with mental illness and loving themselves came out with an album with a completely new concept to both of them, discussing self love and redeeming yourself, finding what you love again. The album has this inspired production, which sounds like nothing I've ever heard, best described as psychedelic hip-hop or even rock. Although only 10th on my list, you need to listen to this album, because it's absolutely remarkable. Genre: Psychedelic Hip-hop/ Psychedelic rock?

9. Playboi Carti - Die Lit A lesson in minimalism. People have been biting Carti's style the last couple of years, whilst at the same time he's been getting a lot of crap for his lack of lyricism and the simplicity in his music. Instead of listening to all of the haters, Playboi Carti came out with a project which I'd say nearly perfects his style and what he's so good at - he lets the production and beats shine, having very minimalist lyrics and employing a vibe and energy no other trapper could create. He also mocks the people hating on him on the album with lyrics such as "Bought my mom a house of that mumblin' shit", reminding everyone where he's exactly at. Genre: Trap

8. Rico Nasty - Nasty I swear people forgot about Rico Nasty this year, although she released one of the most energetic and aggressive trap projects and honestly, bodying anything Nicki or Cardi dropped, quality wise atleast. She completely embraces her "different" persona on this album, having songs titles like "Bitch I'm Nasty" and having lyrics such as "Goodness gracious, I might give a fuck on some occasion". The album is full of this angry energy, making you want to go and break a door, whilst at the same time having witty and even humorous lyrics which keep your attention. Keep an eye on this one. Genre: Trap

7. Anderson .Paak - Oxnard Honestly, not as good as Malibu or Venice for me, but considering how high it is in my list, I think you can figure out exactly how great Andy is. This album really rejuvenates the spirit of funky and soulful hip-hop, with Paak keeping his carefree persona. It's full of groovy energy which makes you want to just dance and let go, whilst at the same time having some very funny skits and powerful and even aggressive moments. Whilst in his previous projects he had a very laid-back vibe, in this one Anderson .Paak shows us he's made it, and pretty much throws the funk and blues in your face, making for a very energetic, but relaxing listen. Genre: Hip-hop/Jazz rap/RnB/Funk/Soul

6. SABA - CARE FOR ME A very emotional and deep project, the Chicago rapper finally got the attention he deserved with his 2nd album. The album is very detailed and melancholic, in it SABA discussing issues he has with himself, the lack of love he feels he receives and the need of warmth and someone beside him. The album has beautiful singy-song moments, including a song with BJ the Chicago kid, but whilst pretty, these moments are also very dark and disturbing, as SABA often slurs his speech in them. He also discusses some of his childhood memories on the project, showcasing the hardships of growing up in a city like Chicago and the roots of some of his deep trauma. Genre: Jazz rap/ Neo soul

5. Denzel Curry - TABOO/TA1300 Dark. Angry. Powerful. Beautiful. Scary. This album has everything. The rapper split the album into three parts, which although a very new concept, proved to be a genius one. The light part of the album, which he starts it off with, shows him working on his happiness and showing everyone that his life is good and he's achieving his dreams. The second part of the album, Grey, showcases him reflecting objectively on the people hating on him, the hardships and successes of his life and the reality of the industry. The album ends with the Dark part, in which Denzel shows all of his anger, metaphorically shouting at the listener about his drug issues, about the people trying to tell him what to do and wanting to even go as far as murder. Genre: Trap/Hip-hop

4. Jpegmafia - Veteran Daaaaamn Peggy. The nigga who gives no fucks about anyone's feelings got it right. Already receiving some attention for absurd songs like "I killed a cop, now I'm Horny" and "I'd vote 4 Dona Trump", Jpegmafia made an experimental hip-hop album, consisting of raw energy and aggresiveness in some parts, and mellow and thoughtful production in others. The album has absurd samples like ODB screaming, WWE's Edge's soundtrack and guns reloading. Peggy raps about topics from wanting a nigga to test him, wanting to hear Yes Julz moan, addressing the people telling him he sold out and and even saying he doesn't care that Neogaf is dead. It's a genius work of art exploring the twisted depths of an army veteran's mind. Genre: Experimental hip-hop

3. Noname - Room 25 One of the softest and most soulful hip-hop albums of recent times, Noname once again proves how genius her lyrics can be, whilst keeping a jazzy vibe. The album is full of small details, from the proudction to the poet's lines telling the story of her life, from the beautiful to the ugly. Although at some points you can call her rapping rambling, she does so in a very soft and feminine way, reeling you in to actually want to hear more of her story, instead of being annoyed she isn't stopping. Full of relaxing and mesmerizing hooks, this album really reminds of the good old-school jazz vibe, mixed with genius storytelling and lyrics and keeping a fresh and new vibe to it, very much reminding me of A Tribe Called Quest in some regards. Genre: Neo Soul/ Jazz-rap

2. Armand Hammer - Paraffin Honestly this was my album of the year until the last few weeks, when a certain other person decided to finally drop his project. Billy Woods and Elucid once again go into the dephts of being a working-class rapper, with very hard hitting production, which although minimalistic, projects a very scary and even tiring vibe a some points, portraying what it's like to live life in a regular way. Full meaningful lyrics, and having some some very memorable hooks like "You don't work, you don't eat", Paraffin is an artistic expression of how hard it is to be an artist, whilst being unable to make enough money off of your art. Genre: Experimental hip hop

My honorable mentions, which sadly didn't make the list but were amazing projects still: Jorja Smith - Lost & Found; Pusha T - Daytona; Amine - ONEPOINTFIVE; Hermit and the Recluse - Orpheus vs the Sirens; Rae Sremmund - SR3MM; Rejjie Snow - Dear Annie; Sheck Wes - MUDBOY

1. JID - DiCaprio 2 I've known JID was next up for a year and a half now. He proved it in his last album, he proved it in the XXL Freshman class and he proved it with DiCaprio 2. Having the swagger and a nasally voice of a young K-dot, whilst having his own style, an absurd ability to switch up and create flows on the go, wordplay and lyricism which could rival even Ab-Soul and one-liners that stick like glue, JID released arguably the best project this year, hitting a mark as much as projects like Section.80 for me personally. Full of amazing production, from aggressive and trappy beats, to boom-bap, to jazzy rap and even having moments in which he sings. The Atlanta rapper comletely murders every beat, outraps every feature, including guys like Joey Bada$$, J. Cole, Method Man and 6LACK and makes 2018 his own with a project which in my opinion, will age like fine wine and will be remembered as the moment a modern legend was born. Genre: Jazz-rap/Conscious rap/ Hip-hop

[kpopersanonymous]

GOT7: Seeing another member kiss their S/O (Yugyeom)

a/n: I can’t believe it’s finally finished!! Thanks for being patient with me, my loves!!

Yugyeom was walking along the set of the kdrama you were starring in, a bouquet of flowers in his hand, his eyes searching for you. He had planned on spending the day with you as you filmed the finale of the series, wanting to celebrate with you. He looked fondly over the sets he passed as he remembered his first encounter with you, nine months prior.

After begging for days on end, Jinyoung had finally agreed to take Yugyeom with him to meet the cast and crew of the new kdrama that was going to be filmed. Jinyoung had been lucky enough to be cast as the leading character in the series with you as his co-star. The two of you showed such great chemistry while playing out a few scenes during casting that the directors were convinced you were dating, when in fact you had just barely met each other. You two had laughed so hard over that assumption and soon became great friends, awakening the curiosity of the other GOT7 members. Yugyeom would be lying if he said he hadn’t begged Jinyoung to take him with him just so he could meet you. He wanted to see the person behind the texts that made his Hyung laugh uncontrollably, the one who “stole Jinyoung’s heart”, as the members would tease.

The maknae had halted in his tracks the moment he laid his eyes on you, his mouth gaping open as you walked over to greet your co-star. To say you were beautiful would be the understatement of the century. Time seemed to slow down as he watched you come closer to them, your hair bouncing lightly with every step you took. His heart began to race and he felt his palms become sweaty as you stood before them, your face glowing as the corners of your eyes crinkled into a smile. “Hello Jinyoung-oppa, you’re looking very nice today,” you greeted, your voice music to Yugyeom’s ears. “Hello Y/N, you’re looking as beautiful as always today,” Jinyoung replied, causing you to blush and smile shyly at his kind words.

Yugyeom felt butterflies in his stomach at the sight as he took in every single one of your features, trying to burn them into his brain. “Ahh yes,” Jinyoung continued, “this is Kim Yugyeom, our little maknae.” He heard the teasing tone in Jinyoung’s voice at the word “little” but gave no reaction as he stood there, as still as a statue, staring at you, wondering what all of these feelings were that he was experiencing. Your eyes shifted as you slowly grew uncomfortable at the intensity of his stares. “He doesn’t seem to be very little to me,” you joked, attempting to lighten the mood.

Jinyoung smiled at you before hitting the maknae on his back, knocking him out of his trance. “Stop gaping and say something or I’ll never take you with me again,” Jinyoung murmured low at Yugyeom. “H-hi,” he managed to stammer out, bowing quickly as he felt his cheeks heat up. “It’s nice to meet you, Yugyeom. Jinyoung-oppa has told me a lot about you,” you said, bowing back at him. His eyes darted between you and Jinyoung, “Nothing bad, I hope.” You giggled at the cute boy, shaking your head reassuringly. You were called away before you could say anything else, leaving the two members alone.

Yugyeom’s heart was still racing as he watched you walk away. Jinyoung stepped into his line of sight, arms crossed as he glared at the maknae. “You just embarrassed me infront of my co-star. Are you proud of yourself? What were you even thinking?” he asked. Jinyoung continued to lecture him, going on and on about how unprofessional he had acted but Yugyeom blocked his words out, still fascinated by your presence lingering in his mind. He had never felt this way before, this mixture of warmth, happiness and shyness that had engulfed his entire being the moment his eyes landed on you. It slowly dawned on him the longer he thought about it.

“Is this ... what love feels like?” he asked himself, unaware that he said this question outloud. “Love??” Jinyoung asked, brows furrowing at the sudden question that had interrupted his rant. Yugyeom threw his hands up to his mouth in shock as the realization hit him, eyes as big as the moon as he stared at his Hyung in silence. “No... no! No! NO! You cannot be serious Yugyeom! Not my co-star!! Not Y/N!” Jinyoung screamed in disbelief. This was exactly what he was afraid of: that one of the members would fall for you. He had put in so much time and effort into your friendship, valuing it like he would with that of his members’, that he didn’t want to suddenly start battling with one of the members for your attention. If they were to break up..., he shuddered internally at the thought of being caught in the middle of all the drama sure to occur.

“Why not? Do you want her all for yourself? Is your relationship with her more than just platonic like you say it is?” Yugyeom asked, his heart aching at the thought. “Of course not!” he scoffed. “I just really value her friendship and I don’t want her to get hurt,” he tried to explain. “I would never hurt her, Hyung, you know that! Please??” Yugyeom asked, making puppy-dog eyes at the elder. Annoyed, he exhaled deeply before he answered, “Fine. But don’t expect me to help you win her over. And don’t be sad if and when she rejects you.” He turned and walked away, leaving the maknae to stand alone, engulfed in his thoughts with a smile on his face, determined to win you over.

Yugyeom laughed as he remembered how cringy he acted in front of you, still amazed as to how you had even considered going out with him. The next few weeks following your meeting, he had visited you on set everyday, whether Jinyoung liked it or not. His intense staring and nervously stammered small-talk soon changed into awkwardly told dad jokes and bad pick-up lines. Still, even after all of that, you kept finding yourself anticipating his arrival, certain he was just the shy boy Jinyoung described him to be.

You had been completely oblivious to his feelings for you as you two started carrying out full-length conversations. The maknae had tried for a solid month to confess his feelings to you and ask you out, but to no avail. Unable to watch this fiasco any longer, Jinyoung had finally decided to help Yugyeom confess, planning the whole thing out, even going so far as to write a script for the young member, so that everything would work out smoothly.

As he should have expected, Yugyeom did not hold himself to the script and instead of being poetic and romantic, he had just run up to you, shoving flowers into your hands and saying, “I think I’m in love with you. Will you go out with me?” The shock on your face spoke more than a thousand words as you processed the fact that Kim Yugyeom had a crush on you. Kim Yugyeom, your secret idol crush from your favorite group, wanted to go out with you. You had pinched yourself to make sure you were not dreaming before agreeing to the date, smiling as you heard Jinyoung exclaim “Thank God!” in relief.

The two of you had been going strong ever since. You were both constantly giving each other support, both in private and in public. There had even been plenty of rumors and speculation concerning the two of you, mainly coming from the fans, which had been confirmed a couple of months into your relationship as you were caught kissing intimately in a public park. Yugyeom had been very relieved as word got out, showing you off whenever he could and telling fans to watch your kdrama, never forgetting to say how much you meant to him. You both were falling deeper and deeper in love with each other everyday and you were thrilled that you could openly show it, paying the haters no mind whatsoever.

Yugyeom had finally spotted you, your back turned to him as you studied your script for the upcoming scene. He wrapped his arms around your waist, scaring you in the process, calming you down by kissing the top of your head and giving you the flowers he was holding. He noticed your cheeks were flushed as you turned to face him, giving him a warm peck on the lips. “Is something wrong, my love?” he asked, stroking your cheek. “Um.. No! No everything is-is great!” you stammered, searching for a vase for the flowers. Yugyeom had picked up the script while you were placing the bouquet in water, skimming through your marked lines before you quickly snatched it out of his hands. “No peaking! It’s a ... surprise,” you said, firmly pressing the script to your chest. Yugyeom smiled to hide the perplexion forming on his face because you were acting very strange. Before he could ask you if something was wrong, you were called to the set and you rushed off.

The makeup artists were touching up both your’s and Jinyoung’s makeup when Yugyeom took his place in the sidelines, his eyes never leaving your figure. The scene started soon after and it didn’t take your boyfriend long to realize that this was a confession scene. He should have seen it coming. You were Jinyoung’s co-star, after all, his love interest. It should have been obvious to him that after episode after episode of flirting that they would have the characters confess to each other in the finale. And yet he still hoped that it would turn out differently.

He knew that it wouldn’t though, as he watched Jinyoung wrap his hands around your waist, pulling you in as he whispered a sweet confession to you. He wanted nothing more than to punch the elder for holding you so close and touching you the way only he was allowed to touch you. It pained him to see you sling your arms around his neck with love in your eyes, the way you would only look at him. His blood was boiling as he watched the two of you lean in for a passionate kiss, fighting the urge to walk onto the set and tear you two away from each other with every fiber of his being.

He exhaled sharply as the scene ended, relieved that it was over, only to be shocked by the fact that it had to be redone. He was overwhelmed by the amount of jealousy and hate that coursed through his veins as he watched you two kiss for the fifth time, each confession and kiss being more passionate and romantic than the last. He almost felt ready to kill Jinyoung when he decided to wait outside for you to be done with the scene, unable to take the torture of seeing another man kiss you any longer.

He sat down on a nearby bench, ripping out some flowers next to him and pulling their petals off, one by one. He wanted this monotone activity to distract him from what he had just witnessed, and what was surely still happening. Instead, the image of your lips on Jinyoung’s remained in his inner eye, clear as day, possibly forever burned into his brain. His thoughts started to race and a wave of emotions rushed over him as questions started forming. Why didn’t she tell me about the kiss scene? Was she really acting when she confessed to Hyung and kissed him? What if our relationship is all an act to her? Is she in love with Jinyoung-hyung? Is he in love with her? Is that why he didn’t want me to ask her out? ... Does she even love me?

Tears were now falling onto his cheeks as he threw away a petal-less flower, giving the others attention. His rage spent, he started stroking the flower’s soft petals. They feel just like her lips, he thought, more tears spilling out. He continued to sit in silence for a few moments, giving his emotions time to settle as he listened to the soft sounds of nature around him.

He wiped away the remaining tears with his sleeve, rationality slowly returning him to his senses. “She’s an actress,” he mumbled, “of course she has to look convincing when playing out a scene.” But it seemed so real..., the doubt in his mind rang, causing his heart to ache once more. “No!”, he whisper-shouted, shaking his head, “she loves me, I know she does. No one can fake a love as strong as our’s, not for so long. Besides, Jinyoung-hyung would never hurt me in such a way.” Doubt still hung in the air as he tried to believe what he just said.

He had no idea how much time had passed until he felt somone sitting down next to him. “I’ve been looking for you,” he heard you say. “Well, you found me,” Yugyeom said, staring straight ahead, unable to look you in the eyes. “You ran off in the middle of filming. You never do that. Is everything ok?” you ask, placing a warm hand on his arm. Yugyeom took a deep breath as he tried to fight the tears from coming back. “I’m fine. I just forgot that I wanted to pick you flowers,” he said shakily, handing you the remaining flowers still in his hand. “Sure, that’s why the ground is covered in flower petals, right?” you asked, clearly unconvinced. “I was ... testing them. They weren’t the right shape. Shouldn’t you get back to filming?” he changed the subject, wiping the sweat from his palms onto his jeans, eager to get out of the conversation.

“We finished my scenes, I’m free to go wherever you wanted to take me to celebrate. And Jinyoung should also be done by now,” you got up, taking his hand. “Let’s go find him. I’m sure he wants to celebrate with us,” you said, pulling at your boyfriend. “If you want to be with him so badly, then why don’t you two just go together and leave me alone!” he replied, the bitterness in his voice clear as day. You let go of his hand, shock written on your face. Yugyeom got up enough courage to look at you but immediately regretted his decision, the pain in your eyes tearing him up inside. He knew he shouldn’t have said that, he shouldn’t have taken his anger out on you, but he couldn’t contain his emotions any longer.

“Why are you acting like this all of the sudden? You were so excited to see me when you arrived,” you asked, squatting down in front of him so that you can look into his eyes. “Do you love me?” he asked, ignoring your question. Your eyes widened in shock at the unexpected question. “Of course I love you! Why-” you answered, before Yugyeom interrupted you. “Then why were you looking at Jinyoung the same way you look at me when you tell me you love me? Are you in love with him? Have you just been acting like you were in love with me this whole time?” Yugyeom spat out, a hint of darkness in his eyes. You took a moment for the questions to sink in and then burst out laughing at how ridiculous your boyfriend was being. “Oh so now our relationship is a joke to you?!” Yugyeom exclaimed, completely offended. “Are you even listening to yourself?!” you asked, inbetween giggles, trying to calm yourself. Yugyeom stared at you blankly as you took a deep breath.

“Babe, you do realize I’m an actress, right?” you asked, placing your hands on his shoulders as he nodded. “So you know that I have to act out scenes the way people want me to do them. Just like today where I had to ACT with Jinyoung that we were in love. And I have to make it look believable. So no, I’m not in love with him, but my character is,” you continued, locking gazes with him the whole time. Yugyeom went red with embarrassment, ashamed of how he let jealousy take control over him.

“And you know what? I never would have been able to play out that scene so well if it wasn’t for you. You’re the reason I know what true love feels like,” you whispered, cradling his head in your hands, stroking his cheeks. Yugyeom gave you his sweetest and, at the same time, shyest smile as every hint of doubt flew from his body, the warm feeling of love replacing it oncemore. He pulled you in closer so that you were sitting on his lap, covering your face in kisses as a silent apology, which you gladly accepted.

Once he was finished, he gazed into your eyes. “I love you, with every centimeter of my heart. I should have never doubted you. But why couldn’t you just tell me about the confession scene? It would have made things a lot easier,” he pouted. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung told me not to tell you. He said it was a surprise,” you told him, kissing his cheek softly. “Of course he did,” he sighed. The two of you sat in comfortable silence until your stomach started growling, causing Yugyeom to laugh. “I think it’s time to take you on that celebratory dinner I promised you,” he winked, lifting you up and walking over to his car with you in tow.

He saw Jinyoung leaning on the end of his car, arms crossed, the bouquet of flowers he had given you earlier in Jinyoung’s hand. Yugyeom wrapped his arm around you as a reflex, signaling to his hyung that you were his and his alone. You grinned at the gesture but said nothing, allowing your boyfriend to indirectly call you his belonging. “Hi Jinyoung-oppa! Sorry to keep you waiting,” you said as you reached him. “It’s fine. I haven’t been waiting for too long. Did you enjoy the filming, Yugyeom?” Jinyoung asked your boyfriend, faux-innocence coming from his words. “It was fine. Do you want to know what my favorite part was?” the maknae grinned evily before gently pulling you towards him, capturing your lips in one of the most passionate kisses you have ever had.

You were left breathless as he pulled away, saying, “THAT is how you kiss someone, Hyung. But your technique was convincing enough, I guess.” He opened the door for you, allowing you to seat yourself before going over to the driver’s side, leaving Jinyoung gaping at the maknae’s actions. “Are you coming, Hyung?” Yugyeom called, snapping Jinyoung out of his trance. Nodding, he got in as Yugyeom started the car and said, “Good. Because you’re paying for our date that you’re crashing.”

Mark   Jaebum   Jinyoung   Jackson   Youngjae   BamBam   Yugyeom

[oh-ishouldnt]

The favorite - part 02

The favorite - final part | Jack Maynard | imagine

Word count: 2538

A/N: The name Kirstie is being used

More imagines here | Requests are open!

First part here

After almost one hour and a half, you and Jack still were on the damn elevator. You didn’t know how your karma was so bad, but you guessed you would be declared a saint after spending so much time on that box. You were sleepy, your back started to hurt and the company wasn’t that good, even though Jack didn’t speak anything after such a long time. His presence annoyed you, you could hear him breathing and that was enough to drive you nuts. Oh, and only for your happiness, your phone battery was almost in the end, so you were running out of time to get out of there.

“Hello?” a male voice called and you jumped, standing up with a fresh relief. “Is anyone there?”

You opened your mouth to scream back at the guy, yes! You! You needed help! You needed someone to rescue you so you could get Conor and live that place forever (even if Conor probably should’ve took the stairs and escaped his little situation by himself). Yes, you were there and you were ready to get out of that stupid elevator, but, of course, Jack Maynard wasn’t in agreement with you, so his hand flew to your mouth, shutting you up.

“Don’t!” He commanded whispering.

You took his hands of you: “Are you fucking crazy? We need to get out of here!”

He seemed to be really close to lost his head with you, as if you were the one who were losing your chances to getting help.

“What if he’s from police?”

You stopped a little, but then you realized it wouldn’t make any difference.

“If that’s true, he will find us anyway!”

Jack rolled his eyes “Okay, the police wasn’t a good example, but what if he’s one of the employees of the building? Not only we’ll get arrested but we’ll get Kirstie into trouble.”

“Oh, gods!” you rolled your eyes this time. “You are not getting laid tonight, Jack! Who cares about the girl? She shouldn’t let us in anyway!”

“Y/N! Stop being so… “ he struggled a little to find the exact word”Egocentric!”

“Egocentric? I’m not egocentric! I just want to…”

“Hellooo?” the voice sounded again and Jack shut you up another time. “I can hear people on the elevator! Hello?”

Jack’s right hand was capping your mouth, keeping you shush. His left hand was holding your waist, because you were trying to leave. You definitely weren’t happy, but being so close of him after your little arguing, with him holding you so tight, you were out of breath. For God’s sake, what the hell he was doing?

“Keep quiet.” Jack asked.

You didn’t answer him, leaving pretty clear you didn’t like the situation, so he stood there, holding you until he was sure the man went off. He was looking at the metal doors as if it would open and the entire MPS would be there and, when the elevator didn’t move a single inch, he looked at you cautiously.

He didn’t want to set you loose because he was afraid of you starting to scream until the man turn around and check the elevator, however once Jack looked into your eyes, the whatever his thoughts was, his mind went clear. Actually, his mind was all a blur, all he could see was you and all he could think was you.

You weren’t in a better situation either. In a daily basis was difficult to remember yourself you hated Jack Maynard with all of you, now it was impossible. The only parts alive of you were the ones he was touching, the rest was just a mirage, you knew it was there but you couldn’t feel it. You never knew how to describe his eyes and, in that moment, the only think you could thought was that they were beautiful.

Your cellphone made a noise, the battery ended. You jumped away from Jack and he coughed, embarrassed.

“I guess the guy is gone.” Jack said, trying to feel less uncomfortable.

“Yeah…” you ran your fingers through your hair, sitting down again and taking your phone, checking it like there was a doubt of what happened with it. “The battery went off.” You explained, raising the eletronic just like you would do if Jack asked you what was going on.

“Oh, that’s a shame.” Jack grumbled, sitting in the extreme opposite from where you were.

“Yes, it is.” you said.

Jack didn’t know what to do, so he searched his phone in his pocket and took it, pretending he had something to do with that piece of useless material, he couldn’t call anyone, he couldn’t receive any messages and had no app games in it because the day before he needed space to film a video to his channel.

“Don’t use your phone.” you gently said, not noticing the strange tone in your own voice. “We might need that later.”

Jack nodded his head and put his phone back in his pocket.

“Okay.” he agreed without even questioning.

At that point, no one could think in a way to avoid the silence, so there was no noise inside the elevator. You and Jack tried to not look at each other, although it was inevitable. Then, when it happened, you only raised an eyebrow to him and he laughed at you, making you follow his act.

“What?” you asked.

“Who would thought we would be here, huh Y/N?”

“I didn’t” you admitted.

“But you dreamed of this, I’m sure.” he joked and you rolled your eyes, even if you tried, you couldn’t get angry at that moment.

“I guess it was one of items of your to do’s list, Jack.” you hit back.

He raised his shoulders: “Maybe.”

“Oh, gods!” you laughed. “You can’t even try to say no, can you?”

“I am a pretty open person, Y/N.” he told. “There’s no reason to try deny this.”

You nodded your head negatively, not believing that these were his words. He waited you to calm down and the silence to be back again before questioning the thing he wanted the most, because he genuinely didn’t know that answer.

“Why do you hate me this much, Y/N?”

You were surprised. Although you said that Conor should know this answer, you didn’t expected the same from Jack. As a matter of fact, Jack was the only one you thought that would never know the reasons of treating him that way. Well, the winds have changed and there you were, stuck in an elevator with Jack Maynard.

You sighed.

“Fine.” you gave a little smile. “Do you really want to know?”

“Hm… Yeah?” Jack really thought it was a right of him and you knew it was, but you wanted him to be sure.

“Okay.” you took a deep breath. “Your brother asked me the same thing earlier today and I didn’t answer him. I would appreciate if you keep this just to yourself.”

Jack wanted to ask you why he would do such a thing, but he let it go because it was the first time in years you were nice to him (in his point of view, when you two met, he was gentle, so that counted as being nicer than you even if both of you were horrible to each other through the rest of the time). Still, he couldn’t let asking you this:

“Why you don’t want Conor to know?”

You chewed your bottom lip:

“I’m afraid he will think I’m foolish and stand by your side. Keeping hate is not something I’m proud of.”

Jack, after your sentence, couldn’t say no, so he promised do that.

“Right, I can keep it, Y/N.”

“Thank you.” you smiled before being nervous again. “The reason why I hate you is because is something no one else do.”

“What?” Jack was really confused.

“I mean, everybody thinks you are so cool and stuff like that… You are the favorite Maynard of literally every single person I know. So I always kept clear you weren’t my favorite, Conor was and always will be.”

“What the hell?” Jack exclaimed, a part of him was pissed off and the other one was just confused. “What kind of sick logic is this?”

You rolled your eyes, trying to seem not affected by his rebuke although you already knew it was stupid.

“Look, let me clear the things out, okay?” Jack stared at you, waiting for it. “We studied in the same school and you were so damn popular! And even now, you act like it’s all good and it’s normal, but it’s happening again with this whole Youtube thing.”

“Where were you in 2012?” Jack asked. “Living under a fucking rock?”

“Yeah, I know, 2012 was a big year for Con and everything, but is not the same!”

Jack wanted to scream at you.

“He literally has four times more subscribers than I do.” Jack told. “How that can be a sign of his popularity being bigger than mine?”

You wanted to scream at Jack too, it was bigger than just a few numbers.

“It’s a Twitter, a Tumblr thing. You can see you have, like, more fans than him and stuff like that.”

“Oh my God, you’re fucking insane.” Jack said. “You don’t know a thing, Y/N. Seriously, you don’t know nothing.” Jack got up, being really angry at you in that moment. “Actually, me and Conor think that the favorite Maynard is Anna. She’s the girl and the youngest child, she has everything she asks for mum and dad.” He took a deep breath, but it didn’t make any difference. ”Also, you don’t have an idea of how hard it is being the brother who can’t sing and didn’t go to a tour or stuff like that at school. You think I was popular? Think again, Y/N. Half of those ‘friends of mine’ was with me because I am Conor’s brother. Actually, I have the million of subscribers that I have thanks to my friends and family. You think I don’t know that? That I couldn’t get where I am without them? Thank you, I appreciate your comment. I don’t need it, though... I have haters saying I’m shit everyday.”

You felt really bad now. You never thought that Jack’s perspective of things would be like that. What you’ve done? Why were you so mean to him? You started to being close to Conor after both of you graduated, after the whole “New Justin Bieber!” thing, after he moved out from Youtube and he already shared his feelings about all this with you. He weren’t unhappy, he didn’t need your love or your pity. You knew that and, yet, you weren’t kind with Jack. Jack was right: What the hell?

“I’m sorry” you whispered, hugging your own legs and trying not to cry. You never felt more foolish, more stupid than that. Were you really that small? Gods, what a shame!

Jack saw you like that and a little piece of him felt good, because he was so damn angry, on the other hand, he knew you weren’t that bad. You did what you did with good, twisted intentions. You didn’t speak to him with the nicest tone, so what? He said pretty bad things to you too, things he never thought he would say to a girl. And, after all, both of you enjoyed that strange relationship, the fights about absolutely nothing and the little provocations every minute you were together.

“Oh, fuck it.” he conclude, crouching next to you. “That’s fine, Y/N.”

“I’m so sorry, Jack.” you apologized. “There’s no excuse for what I done.”

He gave a little smile, seeing your regret and realizing that you might be good friends for now on.

“That’s fine, baby.” he caressed your arm and, when you didn’t answer him, he teased you. “What? Are you not complaining about me calling you baby?” you nodded your head, you would never complain about anything about Jack again. “Oh, baby, I will enjoy that.”

You laughed.

“Fuck off, Jack.” Or maybe you could complain about this or that.

“That’s better.” He said, finally sitting next to you.

“I guess it is.” You agreed.

“If it makes the things a little nicer, I really enjoyed all our fights.”

You supported your head in his shoulder, feeling comfortable enough to do that.

“They were funny, weren’t they?” You asked, smiling as you remembered some of the things you two yelled at each other.

“Yes, they were.” he sighed, putting his arm around your shoulder.

“Maybe we should argue sometimes just for fun.”

“Yeah, I would like that.”

A little laugh came out of your mouths, that was a pretty intense night with the most impossible twists you guys could think of. And now it was all chilled, you two couldn’t be happier with the whole thing. His arm around you and your head on his shoulder almost seemed it was meant to be like this during all these years.

You looked up at him, just to find out Jack was already looking to you. You gave up for that moment and let yourself appreciate the beauty of Jack Maynard properly. His hair was a mess, he was kind of sleepy and you never thought someone could be that handsome. He checked you out a few times before that and, in that moment, you were a mess too: your makeup was blurred, your dress was misaligned and your hair was blowzy, still, Jack thought he would never meet someone as beautiful as you.

He started leaning towards you and you couldn’t help yourself, also leaning to kiss him. Your stomach was on the floor and you felt like this was your first kiss. Well, you wished it was, you could sense it would be better than all the other kisses you had in your entire life.

Suddenly, as unexpected as the first time, the elevator started shaking. Making you two move away from each other. You rolled your eyes. Really?

“Oh, for God’s sake.”  Jack complained.

You laughed and raised your shoulders, moving to be face to face with him. He copied you, understanding your movements.

Faster this time, you leaned to each other, don’t minding the rescue, you could work this out another hour. For now, all you and Jack wanted was to kiss each other and that's what happened. With no regrets, your lips pressed his and the kiss was even better than your expectations.

“What the hell?” was what Conor said after you heard the elevator’s door opening.

You and Jack broke the kiss and laughed. He stood up and offered you his hand so you could get up too.

“Hi, Con.” you greeted, holding Jack’s hand as he was pulling you out the metal box.

“Hey, bro.” he said to a confused Conor.

You thanked the man who got you two out of the elevator, flashing your eye for the excessive clarity, it was dawning.

“Who’s your favorite Maynard now?” Jack whispered in your ear while you were walking out the enormous building.

Seemed that Jack Maynard was getting laid after all. Oh, how he annoyed you.

[geeeooorrrge]

And Everything In Between - a Paulo Dybala/Alvaro Morata fanfic

Title is from Adventure Of A Lifetime by Coldplay.

Chapter list and summary | Read on AO3

CHAPTER 41 – EVERYTHING YOU WANT’S A DREAM AWAY

Juventus’ loss against Hellas Verona was quickly forgotten when it was time for them to receive their Scudetto one week later.

It helped that the trophy presentation came right after a thumping win against Sampdoria. Everyone was just so hyped. The fans were noisier. They even cheered a little when Paulo scored his penalty, though it was still a little subdued. The cheers got louder after Paulo’s second goal, and shit. Paulo was so happy he felt like he could cry.

“You hear that?” Alvaro said as Paulo ran to the bench to give him a hug and a kiss. “They’re cheering for you!”

“Yeah,” Paulo said softly. They were still cheering, even though he had just kissed Alvaro in front of them. The cheers had decreased slightly in amplitude, but. But Paulo was taking it. “Alvi.”

“I love you, Paulo.”

“Me, too,” Paulo mouthed as he tracked back to the centre circle. He blew Alvaro a kiss. He felt like. Like he could never take his eyes off Alvaro.

He wished Alvaro would get the same sort of treatment from the fans, too.

But he gave Alvaro a huge kiss when they were substituted for each other, and no one booed, so Paulo took that, too.

He met Alvaro again in the tunnel when they were preparing for the presentation. He ran straight up to Alvaro and snuggled up against his side, sliding his hand in Alvaro’s and half hooking their arms together. He was being clingy as fuck, but. But he couldn’t not be. Paulo wanted to be as close to Alvaro as he could get. He felt like if he let go of Alvaro, either one of them would break into little tiny pieces.

“Maybe you’re too young to count, but 9 is nowhere near 21,” Alvaro remarked.

“I’m not too young to count, fuck you,” Paulo said. “I just want to hold your hand.”

Alvaro laughed fondly. “Hey,” he said. “Have you ever. Ever thought that this day would happen?”

“Like us winning the league together?” Paulo asked.

“Yeah.”

“No,” Paulo whispered. He saw the smile on Alvaro’s face morph from affectionate to nostalgic. And then proud. “I still think this is a dream, you know?”

“Me, too,” Alvaro confessed. “I thought…I don’t know. Paulo. Wow, the universe really pushed us together, didn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Paulo smiled. “I can’t believe that…that I made it to Europe. And not only that, I made it to Europe to play with you. I just. I don’t know. I’m so glad we found our way back together.”

“We made it big, Pau,” Alvaro gave Paulo’s hand a little squeeze. “We made it fucking big.”

“I never thought it would happen. I never thought we would get to play together. It’s just. There are thousands of clubs to play for in Europe. And the one that had you – the one that had you, it wanted me, too.”

“And after all these years,” Alvaro whispered. “After all these fucking years and you’re still fucking here, Paulo, you’re still here and when you came to Juve you were still my best friend and I didn’t have to say I only knew you from this dumb training camp a thousand years ago.”

“Alvaro,” Paulo pushed his face into Alvaro’s shoulder. “This…this isn’t a dream, yeah? This is real. This is real.”

“I don’t know. Will you pinch me?”

So Paulo pinched him, earning himself a loud yelp and a smack on the arm. “You told me to pinch you,” he pointed out.

“Not so hard!”

“So is it real?”

“I don’t know,” Alvaro said. “All I know is, when I first met you, I never thought that this would be possible. I never dared to imagine it. Never.”

Paulo smiled. He pressed a lingering kiss on Alvaro’s lips, one that left the both of them breathless despite its simplicity.

And then Paul and Simone popped up behind them, and Paul said, “I don’t know what kind of math you two did in school, but 9 is nowhere near 21.”

“I tried telling him that,” Alvaro said. “He desperately wants to join the top 10.”

And that was how Paulo got so unceremoniously kicked out of the dumb, self-proclaimed top 10. He made his way to the back of the line and wedged himself into the space between Padoin and Asamoah. He watched the three of them from where he was, the 7, 9, and 10 on their backs moving around as they continued laughing and nudging and teasing each other. They looked happy. Alvaro looked happy.

Paul gave a backward glance towards Paulo before elbowing Alvaro in the ribs and whispering something in his ear. It made Alvaro turn back with a slight pink blush on his face, and fuck. Paulo bet Paul had gone and said something dirty.

But Alvaro flashed a huge charming smile at Paulo, one that almost knocked his socks off – as well as his pants and underwear and every other piece of clothing – and Paulo couldn’t help but smile back. It grew into a laugh when Alvaro blew a kiss at him and Simone and Paul pretended to barf.

Paulo held his breath when Alvaro headed outside as his name was called. He closed his eyes, bracing himself. Bracing himself for boos.

But what came was the opposite.

The stands below which they were standing exploded into loud cheers when Alvaro appeared. Maybe Paulo had just set the bar really low, but. But they were louder than he remembered. They were almost as loud as Simone’s cheers.

Paulo turned to the little TV they had and saw fans waving Spanish flags and huge posters of Alvaro.

And he saw Alvaro run along the blue carpet with this dazzling smile on his face, amazed and proud and just so utterly surprised at all the support he was receiving. He turned to his and Paulo’s families, standing in the pitch-side crowd, and waved at them. He waved at all his adoring fans. He belonged here. He belonged in Turin.

And Paulo promptly burst into tears and attracted the attention of everyone wearing the numbers between 15 and 25.

“Oh, my God,” Paulo whispered, clapping his hands over his face as everyone surrounded him in a hug, murmurs of encouragement and disbelief and pure confusion all mixing together. They all wrapped him up tightly like he was a little puppy needing shelter from a storm, some of them trickling away when their numbers were called.

And right then, right in that moment, Paulo realised Isco had been right.

The people who stayed were the ones who truly mattered. The ones who were worth it.

And Paulo and Alvaro still had so many of these people to fight for. To continue playing for. The people who still treated the both of them as human beings, as footballers, just as they had been before coming out. The people who placed trust in them that they could still produce the same performances because they were footballers above all. The people who minded, the people who thought that they deserved hate – they would get tired and leave. They would slowly be filtered out once they realised that this truly wasn’t the thing for them. The haters wouldn’t be there when it mattered the most. But these people who stayed. These people would. These people were the ones that counted. And soon, these good ones were going to be the only ones left, and they would be the only ones who mattered.

Paulo wiped his tears before his name and number were called. He got a final hug from Asa, Daniele, and Neto as he was given his cue to start walking.

And he burst onto the pitch to the same loud cheering that Alvaro had been warranted, the same rapturous applause and screaming of his name. The same kind of huge posters and Argentine flags waved in the air. The same loving and proud look from his and Alvaro’s families. From Alvaro, who was standing on the podium and clapping so earnestly Paulo was afraid he would get blisters on his hands.

For those few seconds, Paulo felt like he truly belonged here again. He was their top scorer. Their golden boy. La Joya. He was the pride of Córdoba. He was the amazing footballer his dad had intended him to be. He had spent his entire life fighting for this, and he had gotten all of it. He had everything – two loving and accepting families, supportive and understanding fans, a European league trophy and medal, and the love of his life. Paulo was on top of the world.

He gleefully accepted his medal and hopped down the stairs. He found himself drifting towards the little clique Alvaro, Paul, and Simone had formed at the other side.

The stadium went quiet waiting for Asa’s name to be called, but the announcer said nothing for the next few seconds. And then, suddenly ringing across the stadium, “Since everybody seems to be looking out for the same thing, Asamoah can wait until Paulo finds his way to Alvaro and kisses him.”

Everyone burst into loud laughter and shit, Paulo was so fucking embarrassed. His teammates formed two lines in front of him, nudging him in between them and towards Alvaro, who was waiting shyly at the other end.

Paulo dipped his head and brisk-walked through the little victory parade his teammates were giving him. He got to Alvaro in almost no time at all, diving right into his open arms and planting a huge kiss on Alvaro’s lips. He vaguely heard the stadium burst into more cheers, more softly than when he’d come out of the tunnel like they weren’t completely sure that they were supposed to react this way, but. But they were cheering and it was everything Paulo had ever wanted.

“Love you,” Alvaro whispered in between pecks. “Champion.”

Paulo smiled. He tiptoed a little to gain better access, completely forgetting for a moment that literally millions of people were watching them until their teammates all started giving coordinated ‘whoa, whoa, whoa’s and forming a protective shield around them, preventing the stadium and cameras from seeing them in case, you know, they got carried away.

“It’s getting a little R-21 in here!” Paul yelled.

“Paulo, Alvaro, there are hundreds of little children watching you so it’s supposed to be quite a PG environment around here, and that’s pushing it,” the stadium announcer said cheerily.

Everyone burst into laughter again, and the audience gave a few friendly loud hoots before everyone calmed down and Asamoah’s name was called. Well, everyone calmed down except Paulo and Alvaro.

“This can’t be real,” Alvaro said, his hand warm in Paulo’s. When Paulo turned to him, he had this awestruck look on his face, which was still a little flushed. “Paulo. Is this real?”

“You know what?” Paulo asked. “I don’t even care anymore. Even if this isn’t real, even if this is just a really, really nice long dream. I’m going to take it. I don’t want to waste another moment wondering if it’s real. Because if it is, then it’s the best thing that could ever happen – but if it isn’t, then I’ve just had the best dream ever so I’m not complaining.”

Alvaro smiled. He turned to the little Spanish corner with the ‘Morata 9’ flags and posters. They burst into cheers when he gave them a little wave. “Yeah,” he said. “You’re right.”

They stood there hand in hand until the last name was called, taking in every single drop of this victory. A victory for the team, but all in all the biggest victory in Paulo and Alvaro’s lives.

Paulo lifted the trophy for the first time with his Alvaro. It made him believe that, despite all the shit life had a tendency to throw at people, dreams did come true. Because Paulo was living one.

------

The team had a week to get all the wild out of them before the Coppa Italia final, so they made use of it. They all took turns to drink from the cup and everyone – including Alvaro – took much amusement in trying to make Paulo drunk, and they were all bigger and stronger and had no trouble at all hoisting the huge trophy around and literally pouring beer into Paulo’s mouth. Alvaro spent most of the time egging everyone on and then laughing fondly as Paulo tried to stomach all the beer.

Paulo woke up the next morning feeling like his head was going to vibrate its way off his shoulders.

He rolled over in bed with a loud groan and met a laughing Alvaro, still gazing fondly at him.

“What the fuck you laughing at?” Paulo asked, and regretted it immediately because each word sent a sharp pain shooting through his head.

“You don’t hold liquor very well,” Alvaro said.

Paulo thought back about all the stupid shit he’d done while he was drunk. Blurting out his feelings to Alvaro. Threesome with Franco. Helping Alvaro break up with Mia. “Never have,” he said softly.

Alvaro reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the glass of water and painkillers sitting on it. He held Paulo half upright as he fed them to him, and then gently lay Paulo back down.

“I’ll cook you a nice breakfast,” Alvaro said.

“No need,” Paulo said slowly so he wouldn’t trigger his headache. “I just gotta puke. And sleep some more.”

So Alvaro fetched a bucket and a towel and let Paulo puke it all out. He sat behind Paulo and leaned his cheek on Paulo’s back, and it was comforting even though Paulo was already warm and sweaty as fuck.

“Fuck,” Paulo sighed as he finished round one. He wiped his mouth with the towel as he lay back down. His head was beginning to spin so he closed his eyes. “Did I do anything dumb while I was drunk?”

“Well…” Alvaro said, trailing off. He started to laugh again.

“What?” Paulo asked.

“There’s this video,” Alvaro started again.

“What video?”

“A sex tape,” Alvaro said with a straight face, and when Paulo glared at him so hard his head almost exploded, started laughing again. “Fuck, no, it’s this thing I did.”

“Is it embarrassing?” Paulo groaned.

Alvaro searched through his phone for the video and passed it to Paulo. He sat there sniggering to himself as the video loaded. It was quite shaky, but very clear, and it was a video of Paulo and Alvaro with the trophy in between them.

It started off with Alvaro glancing at the person holding the phone and nodding to make sure he was being recorded. He turned to Paulo. “Pau, let’s take a photo of us kissing the cup.”

Paulo just. Just stared at him for a few moments, like he needed that long to decipher what Alvaro was saying. And then he giggled. He giggled. “Yeah, ‘kay.”

Alvaro pointed to the part of the cup where Paulo should put his lips on. Paulo obliged. Alvaro did the same on the other side of the cup, and the person holding the phone started counting up to three.

“Fuck, is that Paul?” Paulo asked.

“Yeah,” Alvaro laughed. “Quick, don’t look away.”

When Paul reached three, Alvaro pulled the trophy out from in between them and, as expected, Paulo started swaying, leaning forward until – until his lips met Alvaro’s.

The entire room erupted into cheers, including Paul, which made the camera go all shaky. When it returned to focus, it was still on Alvaro and Paulo.

Paulo had this utterly confused look on his face as Alvaro smiled and wrapped his free arm around him. Paulo rested his chin on Alvaro’s shoulder. He looked to be in a daze as he scanned the room, confused.

“Why’s the trophy so soft?” he asked. The room burst into laughter which didn’t fucking stop even when the video ended a whole ten seconds later.

Paulo felt a pout form on his face but honestly, he didn’t know if he should laugh or be mad. Alvaro, on the other hand, was laughing so hard next to him he was practically in tears.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking cute when you’re drunk,” he managed to choke.

“Alvi,” Paulo whined.

Alvaro rolled over and wrapped Paulo in a tight hug. “I love you so fucking much.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“It’s cute.”

“Only you think that.”

“Everyone thinks that,” Alvaro claimed. He lifted Paulo’s head and kissed him on the lips. “Ew, Pau, you taste like vomit.”

“Fuck you. I just vomited.”

“You’re gross.”

“You just said I’m cute.”

“I changed my mind.”

“Fuck off,” Paulo said, but burrowed his way into Alvaro’s arms again, anyway. He closed his eyes and sighed. Okay, so it was pretty funny. “Are you posting it on Instagram?” he mumbled.

“No,” Alvaro lied.

“You are.”

“I’m not,” Alvaro paused. “Would you mind if I did?”

“See? You’re posting it.”

“Fine, I am. But would you mind?”

“No,” Paulo said. He knew this was who Alvaro was. Alvaro had always been a fan of public displays – Paulo not so much, but Alvaro thrived on attention and likes. He didn’t really read all the comments but he loved getting likes and. Well, Alvaro was weird as fuck. “Go ahead.”

So Alvaro posted it as Paulo dozed, occasionally waking Paulo up when he started laughing at it again or when he received a funny comment from one of his friends or teammates. When Paulo sleepily asked him what the caption was, he said, “There isn’t a caption ‘cause it doesn’t need one. It’s gold on its own.”

“I’ll get you back one day,” Paulo replied.

“Nah,” was all he heard from Alvaro before he fell asleep again.

The next time he woke up, the sunlight had dimmed considerably and Alvaro was placing a warm towel on his head.

“Third towel,” he smiled.

“What time is it?” Paulo asked.

“Three in the afternoon.”

“Shit. I feel like shit.”

“Sleep some more.”

“No, I need to get up and walk around.”

“What,” Alvaro said. He hurriedly stood up when Paulo got out of bed. “What, you’re so weird.”

“I’m fucking starving,” Paulo said.

Alvaro followed him everywhere, frantically pressing the towel to Paulo’s head. He stood behind Paulo holding it in place when Paulo peed. He stumbled after Paulo to the kitchen and bent over with Paulo when he searched for food in the fridge.

He finally said, “Could you hold this yourself while I cook for you?”

Paulo sighed. He waited for Alvaro to warm the towel again and pass it back to him, along with a bottle containing, like, a full litre of water. Paulo was instructed to finish the whole thing, so he opened it and started chugging.

“The video you posted,” Paulo said, watching Alvaro as he zoomed about the kitchen. “You enabled commenting?”

“Yeah,” Alvaro said before pausing. “Don’t worry, I only read the ones from people we know.”

“Yeah?” Paulo smiled. “Can I see?”

“Are you going to delete them?”

Paulo shrugged before realising that Alvaro had his back to him. “If they’re bad,” he said instead.

“Paulo,” Alvaro sighed. “You don’t have to. I don’t want you to read them if they hurt you.”

“I can read them on my phone too, you know?”

Alvaro sighed again. “Paulo.”

“Okay, okay.”

“I know you’re trying to protect me,” Alvaro said softly. “I know you don’t want me to be upset. But if you read them and you’re upset, then. Then it does the same thing to me. It’s not worth it at all. Okay?”

“Okay,” Paulo whispered.

“But,” Alvaro turned and smiled lovingly at Paulo. “They’re getting fewer. The hateful ones.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. There’s this thing about haters. The first kind, they say mean things about things they don’t like and then eventually leave them alone because they’ve decided that it truly isn’t the thing for them. The second kind, they say mean things to get attention. They do it to spark a fight. These are the ones we see all the time. But we’re lucky, because these are the ones who also don’t mean it as much. They’re just trolls. They just want attention. If we ignore them, they might not go away, but it makes our lives better and their lives worse.”

Paulo smiled. He rested his chin on his hands. “My boyfriend is so wise,” he cooed.

Alvaro gave a soft giggle. “Yeah? Makes you feel better when you think about it like that?”

“Mmhmm.”

Alvaro eventually served a heaping plate of eggs and a giant bowl of oats to Paulo, along with the now-refilled litre of water.

“Finish everything,” he instructed.

Paulo opened his mouth to complain about how much food it was, but only succeeded in allowing Alvaro to shove a spoonful of oats in it. He picked up the utensils and started eating on his own as Alvaro watched him fondly.

“Nice?” Alvaro asked.

Paulo nodded. It was a lot, but. But it helped.

“Hey,” he said. “Alvi. Thanks for taking care of me.”

“Don’t be silly,” Alvaro said. He reached over and placed a palm on Paulo’s cheek, his smile growing when Paulo pushed his face further into his grasp. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.”

Paulo gave him a shy smile. He could never. Never imagine what his life would’ve been like if he hadn’t been chosen to fill the empty slot in the training camp. If he hadn’t met Alvaro. If, in his life, there was no Alvaro Morata.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“Love you, too,” Alvaro whispered.

“Aren’t you hungover?”

“I’m okay.”

“Eat some,” Paulo said, and when Alvaro opened his mouth to protest, shoved a spoonful of oats in it.

They spent the entire afternoon taking turns to feed each other, and Paulo swore. Paulo swore he had never been more in love with Alvaro than he was right then.

But then again, every time Paulo thought that, there would unfailingly, inevitably, whether it was a week later or a month later – be another occasion that proved him wrong. Paulo felt like he could never stop falling in love with Alvaro, even after every time he thought he’d maxed out all his affection. And fuck, Paulo had tripped and fallen many times in his life but this. This was his favourite fall.

------

The Coppa Italia final was nothing like Paulo had ever imagined.

He lost count of how many times his heart almost skipped out of his chest whenever Milan sent a shot at goal. He ran until he could barely feel his legs. He mentally screamed at the heavens whenever Juve missed one of their rare opportunities.

He glanced at the bench, at Alvaro, every time he felt hopeless. Alvaro would give him the same encouraging smile and a tiny fist pump.

Despite how simple it was, it gave Paulo the energy to keep trying.

And then, in the second half of extra time, Alvaro got substituted into the match.

And two minutes later, scored.

Alvaro veered away in celebration and hopped over the advertising hoardings in his excitement, right in front of all their loyal Juventus fans. And although he was tired as fuck, so tired that his legs were almost giving way right under him, Paulo ran.

Paulo ran after Alvaro, the first to do so, and caught up with him, jumping on his back and yelling in his ear words that Paulo could barely make out himself. Paulo almost fell off Alvaro’s shoulders as he strained forward to kiss Alvaro until Alvaro made things easier by turning his face to the side.

But they only had two seconds of wet, sweaty, sloppy kisses until their teammates started jumping on them, yelling excitedly about ‘Morata, Morata, we’re winners because of you again,’ and Paulo realised he had momentarily forgotten that Alvaro had just scored what was essentially the winning goal because, well.

Because Paulo was already a winner. He had Alvaro. He would always be a winner.

He stuck close to Alvaro as the medals were handed out. He couldn’t stop smiling. Alvaro turned and asked, “What the fuck is wrong with your face?”

“What?”

“You’re like that teethy emoji that no one is really sure whether it’s grimacing or smiling.”

“Fuck you. You can’t stop smiling, either.”

“Yeah,” Alvaro grinned. “Hey. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“I want to ask if this is real but I also don’t care.”

“Alvi,” Paulo whispered. “You won it for us.”

“I didn’t.”

“You did. You can’t deny it. Alvaro, you’ve done so well. You’ve proven to everyone that we can do it – that you can do it. That our relationship isn’t as bad as they think it is. That the club moves on, and so should they. You’ve done it all for us.”

Alvaro smiled. He gave Paulo’s nose a little pinch and wiggle. “I really wanna kiss you right now,” he said.

“You can,” Paulo reminded him.

So Alvaro did. He leaned over and grabbed Paulo’s face with both his hands and smacked a loud kiss on Paulo’s lips, and the medals were still being given out but everyone suddenly crowded around them to shield them again, and the stadium announcer suddenly shrieked, “Paulo! Alvaro! PG environment!”

And everyone started laughing, and the crowd started cheering, and shit. Paulo felt so complete. He felt so complete.

He lifted their second trophy of the season together with Alvaro again. His Alvaro. His own personal trophy. His prize. The best reward for anything ever.

He looked up to the night sky as he held the trophy towards it. Dad, this is for you. The second trophy in one month. This is for you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for pushing me even when I thought I couldn’t do any better. Thank you for making this as much of my dream as it is yours. This is for you. I wish you were here to watch me. I made it, dad. I made it for you. I hope you’re proud. I love you and I hope you’re proud of me.

------

The night was so wild, they only managed to meet their families the next day for a meal.

The first thing Alvaro’s dad asked when they all sat down was, “So Paulo, where are you planning to spend your summer?”

Alvaro saw Paulo’s eyes dart around anxiously. It was one thing to have his dad willing to talk to Paulo. It was another thing for Paulo to have an inherent need to constantly impress Alvaro’s dad.

“Um,” Paulo said. “I haven’t really thought about it. I…don’t really have a tournament to prepare for, so.”

Alvaro reached under the table and gave Paulo’s knee a squeeze before taking his hand. He knew that despite all the ecstasy from winning the domestic double, Paulo was still shaken by the disappointment of not being called up for the Copa America. And the double whammy of Juventus’ unshakeable prohibition of Paulo joining Argentina for the Olympics. Paulo was being given the chance but he also wasn’t allowed to take it.

“Would you like to join us?” dad asked.

“Join you…where?” Paulo furrowed his brow, and God, Alvaro was so fucking fond.

“In France, to watch Alvaro in the Euros. Maybe your mom would like to come along, too?”

Paulo turned to Alvaro in surprise, and then to his mom, who had a really happy and excited look on her face. She nodded at Paulo.

“Yeah?” Paulo asked hesitantly. “You’d…you’d like me to come with you?”

“If you want to,” Alvaro’s mom said.

Paulo turned to Alvaro again. Alvaro gave him a smile and a nod. Alvaro would literally give the world for Paulo to be there to watch him play. And he knew what it meant to Paulo to receive an invite from Alvaro’s dad himself.

“Okay,” Paulo finally said. “I’ll go. Mom will go too, yeah?”

And so it was set.

Paulo didn’t stop smiling the entire day and Alvaro realised exactly how much it all meant to Paulo. Paulo was willing to sacrifice his entire summer. He could’ve spent it back in Argentina, with his family and friends. He could’ve spent it in the US, watching his Argentina. Watching his idol Messi.

But instead, he was going to France to watch Alvaro.

“You know what,” Paulo said as they settled in bed at the end of the day. “I’m glad I get to go watch you play.”

“Yeah?” Alvaro smiled. “Why?”

“I used to, remember? I went to Romania to watch you play. And it was so simple back then but it got so difficult because now everyone knows us. And it was weird because I didn’t have any reason to go all the way over to wherever you were to watch you. But now I can. Now I can, Alvi. I’m not gonna have to be worried about someone seeing me there and asking why the fuck I’m watching Spain. Because my boyfriend plays for Spain.”

“You know what I’m glad about?”

“What?”

“That I didn’t get kicked off the Spanish team just ‘cause I’m in a relationship with you.”

Paulo paused for a really long time.

“Would you have broken up with me if they said you had to in order to play the Euros?” he asked.

And, oops. Alvaro was still as horrible with words as he had always been. “No, hey,” he gently nudged Paulo’s cheek. “I meant it as a good thing.”

“But would you?”

“No. I wouldn’t. I’d have spent the summer with you.”

Paulo smiled. “Yeah?”

“Of course. We’d go to the Bahamas or something. Or Dubai. Or Maldives. Or wherever in the world you want to.”

Paulo’s smile grew. “You know where I’d actually really wanna be?”

“Where?”

Paulo burrowed himself right into Alvaro’s arms so that he was half lying on Alvaro, one thigh nudged in between both of Alvaro’s. He pressed his cheek against where Alvaro’s heart was. “Right here,” he whispered.

Alvaro laughed, watching as it made Paulo rise and fall along with his chest. “Cheesy fuck.”

Paulo smiled proudly and nuzzled his face further into the front of Alvaro’s t-shirt. It was a little warm pool at Alvaro’s heart. Like the little warm pool Paulo had always put there, but. But now physically, as well.

Alvaro watched as Paulo slowly fell asleep. He watched as the big smile on Paulo’s face slowly faded into a lingering upward turn of the lips, as his eyelids fluttered several times before he slowly descended into his dreams. He watched Paulo’s tiny little hand grasp a handful of Alvaro’s t-shirt, not tugging, just resting there, like even in his dreams, he only ever needed to know that Alvaro was there. He listened to Paulo breathe in that terrifying way of his, frequently stopping completely for a few seconds before restarting with a loud, deep breath, like he’d forgotten to breathe; in that way that he had always assured Alvaro was normal but which Alvaro refused to believe.

He watched Paulo fall asleep in the most mesmerising way possible. Alvaro often felt like he could stay up an entire night just to watch Paulo sleep. Just to make sure he breathed properly. He could spend the entire night just watching Paulo because it was more peaceful, more relaxing, than even the most well-rested sleep Alvaro had ever gotten.

He wrapped his arms more tightly around Paulo and pulled Paulo closer to him. Paulo’s cheeks were all squished together but Alvaro wasn’t afraid of waking him up because Paulo slept like a pig.

“You’ll always be right here,” Alvaro whispered.

Paulo didn’t hear him, evidently. Alvaro gently lifted Paulo so he was fully lying on Alvaro. He wrapped his arms and legs around Paulo like Paulo was this oddly-sized, oddly-shaped bolster. Alvaro just. He just felt so warm inside and outside. Warm in every way possible.

Alvaro spent his time alternating between counting how many breaths Paulo took every minute and thinking about every single thing that had happened in the past year that he could say was literally a dream come true. Alvaro couldn’t believe that they’d come so far. He couldn’t believe that all that shit talking they’d done back in 2009, back in 2010 and 2011 and 2012 all the way up to 2015 – all the shit talking that they’d done about playing together and winning a trophy together, it had all come true. They had actually, legitimately, found their way back to each other, from Córdoba-Madrid, Palermo-Madrid, Palermo-Turin, closer and closer and closer until they were both finally in Turin.

He couldn’t help but smile when he thought of how the entire universe must have fucking aligned in order for all of that to have happened. For everything that had led up to this day, right this moment, to have happened.

He hugged Paulo so tightly Paulo actually gave a little groan and sigh before continuing to breathe.

He was never going to let Paulo go. Alvaro was never, ever, ever going to let Paulo go.

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON TITANIUM’S MAIN VOCAL BAE HYUKJAE...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 24 DEBUT AGE: 20 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 15 COMPANY: Midas SECONDARY SKILL: Music production

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): “Cutejae” only because it rhymes and his fans thought it was pretty endearing. He likes it, but you can always find him blushing when they call him that. INSPIRATION: Ever since he was very young, his mother used to push him to follow his dreams and keep fighting for them. Additionally to that, he used to listen to legendary singers (like Michael Jackson, Frank Sinatra, Whitney Houston, James Brown, etc.) since he was a little kid, so of course, they all inspired him to sing and pursue a career in the business. SPECIAL TALENTS:

He can fit 17 animal crackers in his mouth. Although he does want to break his own record every time he tries it.

He can balance anything you give him with one finger. Unless it’s too heavy, he’ll use two, not before trying to do it with just one, though.

He can sing and at the same time do impressions of international singers. He doesn’t have the same tone, but the style is very similar.

NOTABLE FACTS:

He spent seven years of his life living in America.

While in school, he always participated in every play he could to work on his performance skills.

He’s an avid animal lover, so it is known he has the tendency of donating money and food to animal shelters.

He is left-handed, so has the tendency of doing things “the other way around”, which many find equally endearing and annoying.

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

He wants to keep improving. If there’s anything he has learned so far? Is that there’s always room for improvement and that’s exactly what he wants for himself. Obviously, to keep growing not only as a performer but as a person. Hopefully be able to keep helping those in need, and focus heavily on his hopeful next step: a solo career.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

He wants to see Titanium shine and of course, be able to help enough, not only as a performer, but also as a music producer. He knows this will take time, which is fine by him, it’s a learning process. Never taking his eyes away from the group, he wants to focus on his own solo career. As a kid he never imagined himself sharing the stage with other people (not that it bothers him, anyway), but he does want to achieve those dreams of getting the spotlight, of doing his own thing, his own music and be able to pat himself on the back for it. At the same time, he hopes more people will focus on his career, on what he’s trying to accomplish rather than obsess so much about his past and let that cloud their image of him.

IDOL IMAGE

He is the ‘cute’ one. He’s the ‘All-American boy’, even if he’s not. But that’s what he does, he pulls out English words in the middle of an interview and everyone finds it endearing, almost as if he forgot what he was going to say in his native tongue and decided to use the English version of it. But not really, no. What Hyukjae did was very simple: he used his resources.

The whole thing about: if you got it, flaunt it? He flaunts it.

He’s the one who wears the cute animals hats, the one who tilts his head from one side and then to the other, catering to the more-than-in-love fans who can’t get enough of his cuteness. He doesn’t mind it, he thinks it’s fun, he thinks it’s a good way to win the fans’ love. He’s not even embarrassed by it, because many are. But he’s not, because if he has it? He flaunts it.

That’s what everyone told him when he was a trainee, anyway.

“Use this. Use that. No, no, not THAT. Yes! That! That is perfect.”

He listened. He learned.

Maybe it was the gentleness in his heart or the fact he was always taught to follow the rules, who knows? At the end of the day, he followed every single thing he was told to do.

“Maybe say ‘oh my god!” when you’re surprised, they’re gonna LOVE you.”

He said it.

“You should definitely wear this. They will ADORE you.”

He wore it.

Hyukjae has always been perfectly crafted to be the sweet one, to be the one who stands between their group mates when they’re all jokingly having beef with each other, to be the one who laughs at everyone’s jokes and subsequently, to be the one telling the silliest jokes.

And he’s okay with all of it because if he has it, you guessed it, he should flaunt it, right?

But this image doesn’t work with anyone, or at least, not with a few eager to know about his past. What is he exactly hiding behind those sweet, gentle eyes? No one really knows, and they don’t really like it. Despite the image Midas has tried so hard to shine upon him, people see beyond all of it (or rather, they don’t see enough) and that is a good reason to not trust him, immediately turning into doubters, into ‘haters’ if you will.

Midas is aware, they’re more than aware and no matter how comfortable he is with his current image, he’s now being pushed to a much more serious side of him. The aegyo is perfect, but he’s gotten asked to tone it down. The English is cool, they want him to keep it up. But now, he’s forced to speak up about something he’s not too comfortable speaking up about. They want him to be more ‘open’ and they want him to lie about it. They want him to fabricate a past life.

But how is he supposed to flaunt it.. if he doesn’t have it?

IDOL HISTORY

No one ever understood how his mother married that man. When you put things into perspective? He didn’t either.

She was young. He was ten years older than her. No one really thought the age gap was an issue, the issue could be found somewhere else: He wasn’t a good person. But she didn’t think too much of it, she was young, in love, eager to be one of those school girls who get involved with the bad guys, with the rebel ones. Luckily (or unluckily) for her? She got what she wanted. The wedding came only 7 months after they started dating, and not exactly because they were deeply in love with each other (no, his mother claims she fell out of love three weeks into their relationship), but because she got pregnant.

One, two and then Hyukjae.

She was used to the comfort of a home. He was used to having someone willing to keep the house clean everyday. His parents were conformists.

But he surely wasn’t.

Hyukjae was the boy who pranced around their place, singing, dancing, disguising himself and pretending to be the star of a show. He was the boy who dreamed, the boy who wanted to reach for the stars, the boy who knew this kind of life wasn’t for him, no, no. He wanted more and he was going to aim for more.

He was six when his parents decided to move to the United States, to be more specific: Los Angeles, California. Of course, the boy was more than excited, that was the place where ALL of the big music and TV stars were, right? And he wanted to be one of them, one of those big music and TV people. What he didn’t know, however, was the reason why. His father’s version? They wanted to find better life opportunities. The real version? His father was afraid. He was afraid of getting caught; a scammer always on the run. He fooled people. He stole from them. He took things he shouldn’t possess. He was bad, and he didn’t want to be held accountable for his actions; so he ran and took his family with him.

Adapting? It wasn’t easy. He was only six years old when he was put to test, when he was told he had to learn another language, when he had to sit with the teacher during recess because she was kind enough to teach him as much as she could. At home? His mother did her best. His father did nothing. His older brothers didn’t care. So he realized: he was on his own.

There was one thing he had to applaud to his mother, however, that was the passion she gave him. The fire she used to motivate him. Even if her English wasn’t good, she tried and at the same time encouraged him to listen to his teachers, to soak in as much as he could, to reach his goals, to make his dreams come true. She tried the same with his brothers, but they weren’t interested at all, no. They were interested in the easy money, in the bad things dad used to do.

Except he didn’t ‘use’ to do those things and Hyukjae learned that when he was nine.

Whenever his father would take him and his brothers out, he’d try to encourage him to steal from people, to pickpocket them. After all, he was a child, who would suspect him? In his father’s words? No one. But Hyukjae was terrified at the idea, he was embarrassed to even imagine himself doing such thing, so he didn’t, and every time he refused? He got yelled at.

To suppress the pain, the boy with the dreams kept fighting for them. At school, he was the one who now sat down with his friends and tried to teach them Korean. Some thought it was silly, some thought it was cool. In return, his friends helped him perfect his English and it worked out for him. Soon, Hyukjae had built a reputation for himself, and luckily, a good one. Most of the girls were enamored by his passion, because he didn’t care about singing down the hallways or about auditioning for the school plays, casually always getting the lead roles. He was loved and admired and he was happy about it. Very.

But not everything is roses, that is for sure.

When he was thirteen, the chance of “his life” (or so he claimed back then) arrived. A TV show was holding auditions for kids, talented kids. Do you know how to sing? Dance? Do a trick? Have a special talent? It didn’t matter! That was the perfect opportunity for any kid who wanted to start a career. He told his mother about it, because he knew his father wouldn’t approve of it. She was elated with the idea so they secretly planned to sneak out of home very early to go to the audition.

That, however, didn’t happen.

Unaware that one of his brothers was listening to their conversation, the news didn’t take long to get to his father’s ears, who completely forbid him (and his mother) from going. At the time? She gave up. She said ‘okay’. She turned to Hyukjae and apologized. And him? What else could a thirteen year old do if it wasn’t to reassure his mother everything was fine? Not much else.

Days later, while his father and brothers were sleeping, his mother pulled him out of bed, got him dressed, gave him a backpack with his belongings and said; “We’re going to follow your dreams. Let’s go.”

Because for once and for him? She’d do anything. She had submitted herself for so long, she had done everything her husband wanted and that was fine as long as he only wanted to mess with her. But when he dared mess with her son? With his dreams? She wouldn’t allow that. She wasn’t leaving America completely happy, however, because she was leaving her two older sons behind, but what could she do when they were the same kind of people her husband was? Nothing. And if she could save Hyukjae from following their steps? She would.

Going back to South Korea wasn’t easy. It wasn’t like Hyukjae forgot his roots or his language (especially because Korean was what they used when at home), but adapting? It was hard. He was only six when he left, and he had spent time adapting to America, so doing it all over again as a teenager? It wasn’t easy at all. His classmates weren’t easy either. He was mocked because they had this “idea” he thought he was better than them only because he came from America.

It was not okay, but he pushed himself into believing it was just for the sake of ignoring it and focusing on what truly mattered: his career.

When he had just turned fourteen, Hyukjae attended his very first audition at KJH Global Creative. The line was long and he was intimidated. He saw so many kids, some singing, some dancing, some just trying to look pretty. He didn’t think he was a great dancer, but he did trust his singing abilities, he always did! From his perspective? He thought he did well. And maybe he did, but it wasn’t enough. Maybe he was too late, maybe there were far more talented kids in that line, who knows? Either way, his mother didn’t allow him to feel disappointed. “You’ll make it next time, I promise.”

His next time came a year later, his mother worked hard to afford singing and dancing lessons for him so this time, he felt much more confident about himself. Much more ready and prepared for it. And this time? It was Midas Media’s turn. Just as it was also his turn to prove himself. And he did.

His mother was elated, happy that her son was just one step away from making his dreams come true. But they surely didn’t know that the process wouldn’t be easy at all, though.

Everything he practiced as a kid, everything he learned during those singing and dancing classes prior to signing seemed like “nothing” compared to his trainee days. It was exhausting, it was almost painful. He put his entire heart, his entire soul, his entire mind into it. He gave his all, not only professionally, but personally too. He wanted to stand out, he wanted to shine, he wanted to show the world he could be whoever he wanted to be and he knew he wouldn’t be able to do that if he didn’t give his 200% to this. So he did.

And so, five years later, Titanium happened and he was starstruck. Was that a dream? Was he about to be woken up by his father? Get told he was an idiot for believing he’d make it this far? Nope, that didn’t happen. This was real and it hit him to think: that all of those years he spent practicing? That all of those years he spent training? They truly weren’t the beginning of his journey, no. This was.

But then he’s starts getting too fabricated. Then he’s being asked to say and do things that can make him stand out because he’s always just /there/, he’s always just /behind/. So he started pulling out the English (a thing he had put in the back of his mind when his Korean classmates mocked him for it), he started pulling his ‘cute’ stunts, he started trying to crack jokes, but failed. He pulled all of the stops and some work and some don’t, but he keeps trying.

For someone who only wanted to sing? He thought he was doing okay.

That is, until everyone wanted to know more about him. Yes, he lived in America, and? What happened over there? Yes, he was born in South Korea, and? What did they move to America? Yes, he has a family, and? Where are they? Why does he only talk about his mother? Why is his father not being mentioned? How about his siblings? What happened to them?

There were many questions and he didn’t have the answers. Or he did, he just didn’t want to share them. He got asked to fabricate them, but he couldn’t do that either. So the people started to mistrust him. They started to think there was something fishy about him. So sure, Hyukjae is talented, sweet, cute, he’s kind and he loves animals, he caters to his fans and he does anything to keep everyone happy.

But some people still think his life situation is.. shady.

So the speculations started to rain on him. “His father is probably dead, so it’s horrible he doesn’t want to talk about him.”, “What if his brothers did something bad?”, “I bet his family was involved in some sort of crime, maybe that’s why he avoids talking about them.”

There’s a new theory everyday. A new rumor. A new something.

In the same fashion, there are new fabrications on his shoulders. Maybe if he acts a different way, maybe if he tones something down, maybe if he starts doing something new. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe they’ll leave him alone.

But they don’t and they won’t and Hyukjae is aware of it. He’s aware that people will dig and dig and dig until they get the truth, and while they don’t get it? They’ll create, create and create until he gives up and speaks up. But he won’t, he won’t because he’s only human, because that’s something he wants to keep to himself, at least that.

Because in the end? He’s only a boy with dreams.

[lowvillegolfclub]

Erin Walker on the ups and downs of life as a PGA Tour wife

A lot of people have this assumption we just shop and go to the spa," laughs Erin Walker, wife of two-time US Ryder Cup star Jimmy Walker.

Erin is a vivacious and often outspoken voice on social media, an acerbic sometime writer in the golf press and the author of a blog called Tour Wife Travels, for several years a travelogue of life on the pro golf circuit.

Her Twitter bio reads: "Professional golf watcher. Amateur show jumper. Married to @jimmywalkerPGA. I'm opinionated. He's not." 

A lively and lengthy phone chat with CNN from Utah confirms as much.

Up until last year, Erin spent roughly 30 weeks a year on the road with Jimmy, having forgone her own dream of going to law school.

But instead of settling down to a life of hotel-coseted luxury, the journalism, advertising and marketing major took on the role of CEO in Team Walker.

Among her "many hats" are financial controller, contract reviewer, travel planner, event organizer, sometime swing guru, chief motivator, psychologist, wife and mom.

"I'm the one who runs his ship. I'm doing everything else, just making it as easy on Jimmy as possible so all he has to do is go play golf."

'Adventurous' 

The couple, based in Boerne, Texas, traveled around the circuit full time in an RV when the kids, Mclain (now seven) and little brother Beckett (four), were younger. Kindergarten has curtailed the road trips, but Jimmy still uses the RV for select weeks. He has a driver because coach Butch Harmon is "very anti" him taking the wheel himself (too stressful).

"It's a house on wheels," says Erin. "We have our own bed, our own pillows, a washer-dryer, a dishwasher, an American-size residential refrigerator, four TVs, the kids have bunk beds, we've got four pairs of rain boots, stuff you can't pack week to week.

"I think you have to be a little bit adventurous because there's always something broken."

At the Masters they park across the street from the Augusta National.

"Augusta is amazing," says Erin. "Jimmy walks in every day and it's great for the boys to have a huge yard to be able to kick a soccer ball in or play baseball. For us it makes sense."

If life wasn't already enough of a juggle, Erin fits in her passion for showjumping, competing in about 15 events a year around the US.

Keeping her horses with her trainer in Virginia adds another level of complexity to the operation.

"It's hard, I don't get a lot of practice," she says. "I just kind of show up at horse shows and hope it goes it well. Luckily I'm athletic enough but it's difficult. I want to be better and jump bigger jumps but I have to adjust my expectations.

"But I'm lucky I have a husband who is supportive of it because for me I have to have a hobby and kind of do my own thing a little bit."

Erin is a nationally ranked showjumper and competes in about 15 events a year.

'Bucketlist'

Erin's fire comes from her parents, both competitive skiers in Utah in the 1970s. Her dad Mark Stiegemeier was the world freestyle skiing champion in 1975, and she and her younger brother Sean grew up ski racing, crossing paths occasionally with a young Lindsey Vonn.

In 2015, Erin walked around Augusta with Vonn, then girlfriend of Tiger Woods, and swapped tales of mutual friends.

The obvious upsides to a successful pro golfer husband are the riches -- Walker's career earnings are just north of $23 million -- and the perks that come with the fame.

Erin ticked off a "bucket list" VIP trip to the Kentucky Derby this year, while Mclain was able to meet his Nascar driver heroes when Jimmy attended the US PGA media day as defending champion. There's also the Masters tradition of partners and children donning the white suits to caddie in the Wednesday par-three competition.

Then there are the trips abroad and the camaraderie of the team events, such as a "hysterical" wives' day out eating squid and other unidentified food during the 2015 Presidents Cup in Incheon, South Korea.

Or the electricity around the stadium-like first tee on the opening morning of the 2014 Ryder Cup at Gleneagles. "It was an incredible feeling," she says. "Even right now I get goose bumps. You never want to miss another one."

'Thick skin'

But the downsides to the lifestyle come not from travel hassles or time apart, but from an unexpected quarter. Social media, a force for good used in the right way, has become the biggest trial to life on tour. It's caused several "bumps in the road," she says.

"I knew when I married Jimmy he would be traveling, I knew when we had kids he would be traveling and I would be a short-time single parent, so I can't exactly say that's a negative," she says.

"But the bigger name you become, the more people want to tear you down, which I just don't really understand. People have their assumptions and there's no recourse for what people say.

"Even somebody as popular as Rickie [Fowler] has the haters. I'm like, 'What do you mean Rickie? He's the nicest guy out there.'"

Erin says they have both had to develop a thicker skin, and admits she has had to "curb" the instinct to fire off replies to every detractor. "I'm pretty politically correct," she says. 

"I'm not going to say things that are going to irritate him and his sponsors but I am going to say things that apply to our everyday life."

"She does a good job. She sticks up for me," Jimmy, 38, told CNN at the British Open at Royal Birkdale, where he was sharing a "frat" house with eventual champion Jordan Spieth, Rickie Fowler, Justin Thomas and Zach Johnson.

Stresses & stargazing

For some Tour wives, life in someone else's paradise is not always a bed of roses.

Erin knows of other spouses who have given up ambitions to be attorneys, dentists, even pro golfers to support their partner.

She says she can "1000%" empathize with Brittany Horschel, wife of PGA Tour player Billy Horschel, who recently admitted she was an alcoholic, and spent two months at a Florida treatment center. She has been sober for more than a year now, but says the drinking was aggravated by loneliness of caring for a baby daughter out on the road. 

"Everybody deals with the stresses in a different way," says Erin, who met Jimmy when she was a volunteer at a second-tier event in Salt Lake City in 2004.

"I absolutely can see how -- especially going from where she was, a very good college golfer -- having to suddenly be like, 'OK, I'm giving up my dream to go support your dream.' That's a huge transition.

"That's why the horses have been so important for me. It gives me a positive outlet.

"I really applaud Billy and Brittany for putting their story out there."

Erin believes it's vital for the players to have other interests alongside golf, too.

Jimmy's is astrophotography, and he's won awards for it. Three times NASA has made his pictures its astronomy photo of the day

"I love it for him that he has a hobby besides cars and wine because every pro golfer likes cars and wine," she says. 

"This is something that's unique and gives him a way to get away from golf and be creative and find his zen place. 

"It gives him perspective on everything. There's a lot bigger stuff going on out there than golf and making birdies and bogeys."

Coping with Lyme disease

Jimmy's nights spent at the telescope -- and on the golf course and range -- have been curtailed since November as he has battled a debilitating illness which has sapped his strength.

In April he was finally diagnosed with Lyme disease, a bacterial infection spread by infected ticks.

Walker told the PGA Tour the disease "feels like you've got the flu. No strength. Just got nothing. And it comes and goes in waves. You never know when it's going to pop up."

He is on a cocktail of drugs and vitamins, and told CNN at Royal Birkdale he was operating at "75-90%."

"I just don't feel myself, I don't feel strong," he said.

"It's been hard," added Erin, who has become a vociferous campaigner warning people to beware of ticks.

"Jimmy is not vocal and he's not a complainer so he's not going to be the one that says, 'this has kicked my butt this year' but it has.

"It's been affecting his mood because he didn't feel well, and that's straining on a relationship and straining with the kids. I'm happy we're heading in the right direction and he's starting to feel better."

Erin's had to add pharmacist and nurse to her long list of roles.  Just don't try telling her that all she does is shop and spa 

A lot of people have this assumption we just shop and go to the spa," laughs Erin Walker, wife of two-time US Ryder Cup star Jimmy Walker.

Erin is a vivacious and often outspoken voice on social media, an acerbic sometime writer in the golf press and the author of a blog called Tour Wife Travels, for several years a travelogue of life on the pro golf circuit.

Her Twitter bio reads: "Professional golf watcher. Amateur show jumper. Married to @jimmywalkerPGA. I'm opinionated. He's not."

A lively and lengthy phone chat with CNN from Utah confirms as much.

Up until last year, Erin spent roughly 30 weeks a year on the road with Jimmy, having forgone her own dream of going to law school.

But instead of settling down to a life of hotel-coseted luxury, the journalism, advertising and marketing major took on the role of CEO in Team Walker.

Among her "many hats" are financial controller, contract reviewer, travel planner, event organizer, sometime swing guru, chief motivator, psychologist, wife and mom.

"I'm the one who runs his ship. I'm doing everything else, just making it as easy on Jimmy as possible so all he has to do is go play golf."

'Adventurous'

The couple, based in Boerne, Texas, traveled around the circuit full time in an RV when the kids, Mclain (now seven) and little brother Beckett (four), were younger. Kindergarten has curtailed the road trips, but Jimmy still uses the RV for select weeks. He has a driver because coach Butch Harmon is "very anti" him taking the wheel himself (too stressful).

"It's a house on wheels," says Erin. "We have our own bed, our own pillows, a washer-dryer, a dishwasher, an American-size residential refrigerator, four TVs, the kids have bunk beds, we've got four pairs of rain boots, stuff you can't pack week to week.

"I think you have to be a little bit adventurous because there's always something broken."

At the Masters they park across the street from the Augusta National.

"Augusta is amazing," says Erin. "Jimmy walks in every day and it's great for the boys to have a huge yard to be able to kick a soccer ball in or play baseball. For us it makes sense."

If life wasn't already enough of a juggle, Erin fits in her passion for showjumping, competing in about 15 events a year around the US.

Keeping her horses with her trainer in Virginia adds another level of complexity to the operation.

"It's hard, I don't get a lot of practice," she says. "I just kind of show up at horse shows and hope it goes it well. Luckily I'm athletic enough but it's difficult. I want to be better and jump bigger jumps but I have to adjust my expectations.

"But I'm lucky I have a husband who is supportive of it because for me I have to have a hobby and kind of do my own thing a little bit."

Erin is a nationally ranked showjumper and competes in about 15 events a year.

'Bucketlist'

Erin's fire comes from her parents, both competitive skiers in Utah in the 1970s. Her dad Mark Stiegemeier was the world freestyle skiing champion in 1975, and she and her younger brother Sean grew up ski racing, crossing paths occasionally with a young Lindsey Vonn.

In 2015, Erin walked around Augusta with Vonn, then girlfriend of Tiger Woods, and swapped tales of mutual friends.

The obvious upsides to a successful pro golfer husband are the riches -- Walker's career earnings are just north of $23 million -- and the perks that come with the fame.

Erin ticked off a "bucket list" VIP trip to the Kentucky Derby this year, while Mclain was able to meet his Nascar driver heroes when Jimmy attended the US PGA media day as defending champion. There's also the Masters tradition of partners and children donning the white suits to caddie in the Wednesday par-three competition.

Then there are the trips abroad and the camaraderie of the team events, such as a "hysterical" wives' day out eating squid and other unidentified food during the 2015 Presidents Cup in Incheon, South Korea.

Or the electricity around the stadium-like first tee on the opening morning of the 2014 Ryder Cup at Gleneagles. "It was an incredible feeling," she says. "Even right now I get goose bumps. You never want to miss another one."

'Thick skin'

But the downsides to the lifestyle come not from travel hassles or time apart, but from an unexpected quarter. Social media, a force for good used in the right way, has become the biggest trial to life on tour. It's caused several "bumps in the road," she says.

"I knew when I married Jimmy he would be traveling, I knew when we had kids he would be traveling and I would be a short-time single parent, so I can't exactly say that's a negative," she says.

"But the bigger name you become, the more people want to tear you down, which I just don't really understand. People have their assumptions and there's no recourse for what people say.

"Even somebody as popular as Rickie [Fowler] has the haters. I'm like, 'What do you mean Rickie? He's the nicest guy out there.'"

Erin says they have both had to develop a thicker skin, and admits she has had to "curb" the instinct to fire off replies to every detractor. "I'm pretty politically correct," she says.

"I'm not going to say things that are going to irritate him and his sponsors but I am going to say things that apply to our everyday life."

"She does a good job. She sticks up for me," Jimmy, 38, told CNN at the British Open at Royal Birkdale, where he was sharing a "frat" house with eventual champion Jordan Spieth, Rickie Fowler, Justin Thomas and Zach Johnson.

Stresses & stargazing

For some Tour wives, life in someone else's paradise is not always a bed of roses.

Erin knows of other spouses who have given up ambitions to be attorneys, dentists, even pro golfers to support their partner.

She says she can "1000%" empathize with Brittany Horschel, wife of PGA Tour player Billy Horschel, who recently admitted she was an alcoholic, and spent two months at a Florida treatment center. She has been sober for more than a year now, but says the drinking was aggravated by loneliness of caring for a baby daughter out on the road.

"Everybody deals with the stresses in a different way," says Erin, who met Jimmy when she was a volunteer at a second-tier event in Salt Lake City in 2004.

"I absolutely can see how -- especially going from where she was, a very good college golfer -- having to suddenly be like, 'OK, I'm giving up my dream to go support your dream.' That's a huge transition.

"That's why the horses have been so important for me. It gives me a positive outlet.

"I really applaud Billy and Brittany for putting their story out there."

Erin believes it's vital for the players to have other interests alongside golf, too.

Jimmy's is astrophotography, and he's won awards for it. Three times NASA has made his pictures its astronomy photo of the day

"I love it for him that he has a hobby besides cars and wine because every pro golfer likes cars and wine," she says.

"This is something that's unique and gives him a way to get away from golf and be creative and find his zen place.

"It gives him perspective on everything. There's a lot bigger stuff going on out there than golf and making birdies and bogeys."

Coping with Lyme disease

Jimmy's nights spent at the telescope -- and on the golf course and range -- have been curtailed since November as he has battled a debilitating illness which has sapped his strength.

In April he was finally diagnosed with Lyme disease, a bacterial infection spread by infected ticks.

Walker told the PGA Tour the disease "feels like you've got the flu. No strength. Just got nothing. And it comes and goes in waves. You never know when it's going to pop up."

He is on a cocktail of drugs and vitamins, and told CNN at Royal Birkdale he was operating at "75-90%."

"I just don't feel myself, I don't feel strong," he said.

"It's been hard," added Erin, who has become a vociferous campaigner warning people to beware of ticks.

"Jimmy is not vocal and he's not a complainer so he's not going to be the one that says, 'this has kicked my butt this year' but it has.

"It's been affecting his mood because he didn't feel well, and that's straining on a relationship and straining with the kids. I'm happy we're heading in the right direction and he's starting to feel better."

Erin's had to add pharmacist and nurse to her long list of roles.  Just don't try telling her that all she does is shop and spa.

Brought to you by Lowville Golf Club